#[COUGH] anyway literally none of her friends are equipped to call her out for having bite marks on her neck. thank you good night

[blujayonthewing]

wh. I just fucking realized that prior to our warlock regaining his lost memories melliwyk was the only member of her party who had ever had sex

[jesswritesthat]

hey babe! i love your writing so much!!! so i recently watched kaguya-sama: love is war and i was wondering if you could do a headcanon of kuroo, bokuto and atsumu where their crush gets sick and they visit her and she drags them into her bed to sleep with them? you can decide how it ends. thank you so much in advance if you do end up writing this! i love you and take care of youself💞

Hello lovely! Thank you so much for this, I’ve never seen Kaguya-Sama but it sounds really cute. Also take care of yourself too and I hope these are okay! Much love 💕

Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Atsumu checking up on their sick crush headcanons

>>>>—————————>

Bokuto Kōtarō:

• Has felt like he's been missing something all day but couldn't quite decipher what it was until Akaashi mentions how you're off sick.

• Thats when your phone is bombarded with ‘urgent’ messages inquiring about your wellbeing to the dramatic extent of:

[ Kou: (N/N)! You haven't answered me yet, are yOu StiLl AliVe?! ]

[ (N/n): no ]

[ Kou: Aw, can I have your cool headphones then, since you won't be needing them anymore? 😁💕 ]

[ (N/n): Wow Kou, I'll haunt your dumbass at Volleyball games for that. ]

[ Kou: Even in death, your support means everything to me. ]

• Despite his nonsense he kept updated with you throughout the school day by sending memes in hopes of raising your spirits. The most peace you got was during Volleyball Club time - the Ace too invested to message you at that point.

• At the end though he calls his team for a serious discussion and they're all expecting major improvements on their gameplay ready for Nationals.

But no.

"What can I get (N/n) to make her feel better, this is crucial. I need only good ideas!"

• They all knew about his crush on you, he wasn't exactly secretive about it but you were none the wiser. Even so, Fukurōdani offered what advice they could to their friend because like him, they cared about you too.

• "Akaashi picked up your schoolwork." Bokuto says as he walks into your room, waving the papers and placing them on your side.

"And you didn't think to take notes for me?"

"Nah, I wanted to bring you good stuff."

"Fair point."

• Bokutos likely brought everything he could find once he went home and changed/showered - he's got flowers, your favourite snacks, drinks, medicine and some movies to cure your boredom. Like how much do I owe you???

He's says it's fine though, in return you have to be better by tomorrow.

That's not how it works Kou.

• You're both seated on your bed watching some shitty movie when you start getting a bit sleepy and you just want warmth.

"Can you give me a hug Kōtarō? I just need a hug, I know how weird that sounds..."

• Doesn't even think twice about it, he practically tackles you onto the covers which elicits lovely giggles from you - the potential of him getting sick too isn't even considered, he's just focused on being with you and making you feel better.

• His arms are so warm and they’re beautiful, you forgot how toned he is and you grow so comfortable in his embrace. He’s also really relaxed about it and is calm enough to ramble on normally - except when you nuzzle against him during a cold shiver. Bokuto full on freezes mid sentence, releasing a cautious breath prior to changing the subject.

• It’s obvious he’s content with you though, and surprisingly falls asleep first which makes you laugh. Kōtarō keeps a strong but delicate hold on your body and is subconsciously receptive enough to your every move. You adjusted yourself slightly which stirred him, his voice is much huskier than before due to sleep but remains concerned.

“Can’t you sleep (Y/n)? I can-“

“I’m fine, you’re keeping me warm.”

• With a nod of understanding he’s gone again and you follow shortly afterwards, the both of you unintentionally making the nap a sleepover. Which you only realise the next morning - still in his arms even if the position has changed. You take a few minutes to enjoy it.

• Miraculously doesn't get sick, his immune system must be immortal as he's brimming with energy once he gets up. His radiance is actually contagious as you feel much better in yourself too and his vibrant attitude really motivates you for the day despite being physically exhausted from beating the flu.

• "Your partner is going to be blessed if you bring them breakfast, I mean talk about amazing." You comment as he brings up a plate that he’d crafted in your kitchen, which is surprisingly decent. You suppose he must keep his body fit somehow.

"My crush will have to do for now."

"Wait I - ah, you have a crush on me?"

"Hah, didn't you know? I never tried to hide it or anything."

Kuroo Tetsurō:

• Notices your absence immediately, he's observant by nature but especially where his crush is concerned and he isn't afraid to contact you before class starts.

• "Hey (Y/n), it's Kuroo, are you running late today?"

"Hnn, I'm not gonna make it. I tried but I feel awful - Sickness: 1, (L/n): 0." Already by the grogginess in your voice he can tell you're under the weather and winces at the sound of you stifling a cough.

"Ah geez, go to bed would you? And drink plenty of water, I'll inform the teachers and everything."

"Thanks Tetsurō, I owe you one."

• Will message you at regular intervals throughout the day regarding your health with cute little reminders. You were on his mind frequently, he’s lowkey worried okay?

[ Tetsu: Drink water, and eat breakfast if you can. ]

[ (Y/n): Yeah yeah I have, go learn something. ]

[ Tetsu: Why are you replying? Shouldn't you be sleeping it off - I don't want your germs. ]

[ (Y/n): Sharing is caring. ]

[ Tetsu: Oya? It took a cold for you finally admit you care, so is it gonna take a pandemic to say you love me? 😏 ]

[ (Y/n): 🖕🏻]

• Is actually considerate enough to tell you he'll swing by after practice, and asks if you want anything from the shop so you give basics like water and tablets. Comes equipped with the extra notes he's taken from all of your shared classes and requested papers from teachers in those you don't, so you're not falling behind.

• Aside from the bare minimum you requested, he chucks your favourite snacks on your desk stating that it’s important to keep morale high too. Liar. He just wanted to do something nice for you.

• Checks your temperature despite your protests of not being a child, he only does this because it vexes you and Kuroo finds that cute. As a silent apology for teasing the Hell out of you, he’ll make you some tea and you both get lost in conversation.

• Notices you’re starting to doze off, rest you should’ve had instead of texting everyone - but ensuring everything is fine, he’s about to stealthily exit until your fingers grasp his wrist and tug him back slightly.

"Stay Tetsurō..."

"You'll likely regret that request once you wake up."

"S'ok, it's you."

• The strength you have when tugging him into bed with you catches him completely off guard and he’s actually blushing - doesn’t know what to say but knows he has to at least maintain some composure.

“So uh, never knew you wanted me this badly.”

“Ugh shut up dumbass, I can feel your rapid heartbeat from here.”

“Right...”

• Kuroo goes all shy, you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist and are comfortably leaning against his side and he absentmindedly runs his fingers soothingly up and down your arm to settle his own nerves.

• It’s peacefully silent, simply enjoying one another’s company before he hears your muffled sniffles indicating you’ve fallen asleep and a soft smile graces his lips. If you were his, then he’d definitely kiss your forehead, and lips to be honest, but the fact you aren’t leaves him with a disappointed sigh.

• You both end up taking a nap, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms and noses practically touching which startled the Captain - Kuroo literally falling off of your bed with a yelp much to your amusement. Afterwards, he departs suggesting you get more rest, get better soon and he’ll see you at school next week.

• At least that was the plan, which altered with the text exchange the following morning.

[ Kuroo: Sharing is not caring, I wanted your snacks not your sickness! ]

[ (Y/n): RIP us. 💀 ]

[ Tetsu: You owe me one remember? I've got the house to myself this weekend so would you like to suffer together? I have blankets, entertainment and food. ]

[ (Y/n): Beats sniffling alone, I'll bring the tissues and drugs. ]

• So, you went over with a trail of sneezing in your wake and ended up snuggled with Kuroo under a blanket with a variety of games gracing the TV as you skilfully passed around the tissues. Aside from being ill, spending time like this with him was perfect.

• "Sickness: 2, (L/n) and Kuroo: 0..."

"No, Kuroo: 1.”

"How so? You K.O. a sneeze or something?"

"I got to spend the day with you didn't I? That counts as a win in my book."

"Tch careful, anyone would think the Scheming Captain cares~"

"I do smartass, I care about you a lot (Y/n)..."

Miya Atsumu:

• Atsumu wasn't one to act needy in any way, the only excuse for him to contact you in regards to your absence was to do it with a remark and hope you'd elaborate.

[ Atsumu: Yo, are ya ditching me to survive English on my own? That's cold (Y/n) 😭 ]

[ (Y/n): Sorry 'Tsumu, I'm too busy dying to care rn. Have a fun missing me loser. ]

[ Atsumu: Hah you wish, you alright tho? ]

• You're good friends but he's never really expressed genuine concern about you before, not verbally anyway. You thought the final "K" after you'd told him you were gonna rest would be the end of it.

So you were beyond surprised when he rocked up to your house later that evening.

• It took everything you had not to mock him for his embarrassed stature, solely flustered by the fact you'd seen him so considerate. Admittedly you were also exhausted and probably couldn't think of a snarky reply anyway.

• "What's up? Was there homework or - ugh, or something?"

"Huh? Oh I dunno. But uh, I got 'Samu to make you some Okayu, and a Umeboshi Tea since it's good for colds and stuff."

• Totally pestered Osamu all day to help him make you something and had to do stupid favours in return but Atsumu will deny it if you ever ask.

• “I love how you don’t care what you look like when you have guests over.”

“Take your stupid backhanded compliments and shove them up your pretty litt-“ You bite back, flipping him off in the process while Atsumu remains proudly victorious.

“Nah ah, is that any way to speak to the man who brought you dinner?”

“It’s the way to speak to the man whose currently annoying me.”

“You’re welcome, this is revenge for ditching me in class gorgeous~”

• Despite how irritating he could be, Atsumu stuck around for a bit to make sure you ate everything he’d brought and taken the appropriate medication.

• “Oh yeah, I brought that movie you were talking about the other day. Figured it might pass the time a bit.”

“Thank you! I’ll give it back once I’m better - thank you so much ‘Tsumu.”

Your excitement was endearing, and he had to collect himself a bit since admiring such little quirks was out of the question - his crush was bad enough as it is.

“Wanna watch it now? I haven’t got anything to do so I can give you spoilers.”

“Sounds good - and not a word!”

• You spent the afternoon watching the film and playfully wrestling the blonde in order to shut him up whenever he made an attempt to spoil it - he would never, but provoking you was too funny.

• You settle down later on, putting on a mindless tv show for background noise before collapsing onto your bed with groan. Atsumu raising a smug brow at your exhausted state as he threw his jacket on.

• "Wanna sleep with me?" It was innocent, at least you didn’t think much of it then.

"Do I what now?" He was smirking, thankful that your panic left you oblivious to the blush crawling up his neck at the mere insinuation alone.

"Sleep wit- ohh I did not think that through! I meant sleep in my bed, next to me, to help me drift off. Maybe it's the sleepiness or medicine but I really want you Atsumu..."

"Not helping your case at all." Again he smugly responded, dropping his jacket to the floor with a sly smile.

"Stop smirking and just hug me okay? Then you can leave and tease me about this later."

• Atsumu isn't awkward about it, subduing his nerves enough to pull you into his arms as he sits up - dutifully ignoring the butterflies in his stomach due to your close proximity and the intoxicating smell of your hair.

• Atsumu becomes unintentionally soft, his fingers slowly begin to glide through your hair and he hesitates when he feels the hum of contentment you release before continuing. Your whole body just relaxes against his and he subconsciously does the same, not even realising he was this tense around you - was his body always like that in your general presence?

• As you start quietly talking about nothing and everything, he notices a weakness - you’re a lot more open when drowsy and god he wants to take advantage but knows you’ll remember the questions he asked and murder him for it when you’re able.

• Intead he attempts to protect any dignity he thinks he has left with you - jokes on him, it’s absolutely none. You guys are way past that level and he knows it.

“You better get healthy quick, not that I care but English is really borin’ on my own ya know?”

"The people you truly care about must be really lucky to have you 'Tsumu..." The mumble is enough to make him roll his eyes, but he waits until you’re asleep to reply.

"Yeah... you are..."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[catxsnow]

KIDNAPPED

Request: Can I please request something with "have I been kidnapped?" + "Um.. that's unclear". Go crazy with it.

Warning: car crash, uh, swearing, cringe (I was 3/4 done this and realized I hated it so, uh, Sorry Amanda) 

A/N: Reporting to you live and Tipsy friends what’s good

Word count: 2.6k

San Francisco usually wasn't a crazy city. Sure the traffic sucked, but at least the views were nice. The local shops always had something interesting and you were guaranteed to find a coffee shop on every block. Over all, you were glad you moved there, it was a nice change in your life - one that you needed.

However, when this group of so called 'Titans' showed up, things got pretty out of control. Buildings got destroyed, people were put in harms way with the sudden increase in villains showed up to take these guys out. You hadn't had the luxury of running into any of them, hopefully you wouldn't have to.

You moved there to get away from your hectic life, you didn't want to be thrown right back into something even worse. The news was filled with these guys - a girl getting chased on rooftop by her deranged father, Robin falling to his death only to be saved by someone who resembled Superman, even a green tiger.

It was interesting seeing them all on the news, but other than that, you never wanted to be involved in any accident that they caused. It seemed they were used to hurting people more than saving them - even if it was accidental.

San Francisco seemed to be safer than the last city you were in. For once, you could walk home with your headphones in and not worry about your surroundings. Just like any night, you walked from work back to your apartment in the late hours of the night, wanting nothing more than to just crash in your bed.

The night was cold and no matter how tightly your wrapped your coat around yourself it didn't bring any more warmth. The sound of traffic was tuned out by your headphones. Street lights illuminated your path and you were so close to your home that you could almost smell the inside of it. Not actually, but you really missed your room after that long day.

The sound of a crash overpowered your music. You turned back to see what had happened by the second you had done so all you could see was the tail end of a car coming directly towards you. There was no time to move out of the way or even to think. Even if there was, you were frozen in your spot with fear.

A body crashed into you before the metal of a car. Your heart rate was going so incredibly fast that black spots filled your vision. You should have been dead, that car was coming right at you. You tried so hard to keep yourself awake, but the only thing that you saw was a red 'S' on a black t-shirt as you passed out completely.

><

You woke up to arguing and bright lights staring down at you. Your head was pounding and it took you a moment to remember what had happened. A car had nearly hit you and somehow you impossibly had been saved. Then, embarrassingly you completely passed out from shock. Wherever you were now, it certainly wasn't a hospital.

There were several people standing together, each of them trying to talk over one another. You sat up on the bed, rubbing your eyes in hopes that this headache would go away. "Uh," you spoke up, but none of them had heard you. They were too engrossed in arguing to notice that you had woken up.

"Hello?" You tried again. Still nothing. You tried to listen in to what they were talking about and quickly came to the conclusion that it was you. Whoever saved you obviously wasn't supposed to bring you there, that was what the yelling was about. There was also the point that you couldn't just be left in the street unconscious - another good point.

This time, you coughed loud enough for one of them to look over at you. Your eyes narrowed in on his t-shirt, it was the same one that had saved you. And it wasn't just any 'S', it was Superman's logo. Whoever this guy was, he was obviously fast enough to be related to the man of steel himself.

As you looked at the others in the group, you picked up on who they were as well. Fiery red hair, bright green hair, these were the people that were on the news. You were in the Titans home base with the heroes themselves. "Holy shit," you mumbled out, eyes wide. There were a few there that you didn't recognize and you were sure it was only because they were in civvies.

"You're the Titans," your jaw fell slack. As much as you bashed them to your friends, saying how much danger they brought to this city, meeting them had been completely different. This was a group of people that kicked ass and had quite literally saved your life. You never thought you'd meet them, especially under these circumstances.

The oldest one - or at least you assumed him to be - looked at the one with the green hair. "Don't let them leave," he ordered. The others followed him out into the hall. They had no idea what to do with you, that was obvious. Conner shouldn't have brought you there. They understood he was still new at this, but he should have known better.

You still felt in shock. Shock from nearly dying. Shock from being saved. Shock from waking up in the Titan's home base. You never expected your day to go like this, and you never wished it to. These masked heroes brought nothing but trouble to San Francisco... and yet if it wasn't for them you wouldn't be standing there.

The green haired one awkwardly rocked back and forth on his heels. This must have been the one that could turn into the tiger - at least it made the most sense in your mind. He avoided looking at you. The squeak of his sneakers against the floor and the hum of the medical equipment at your side was the only sound in the room. It drove you nuts.

"Can you turn into any animal or just a tiger?" You suddenly blurted out, unable to take this awkward silence any more. His eyes widened at your question. How did you even know that he could do that? How had you pieced together that they were the Titans so quickly anyways? None of them were in their suits.

"Uh..." Gar trailed off. "Tiger is just the easiest," he answered. "How did you know that I could do that?" You raised your eyebrows at him - was he serious? Without words you point to your own hair. He seemed to understand what you meant. Green tiger, green hair, it was pretty easy to put together. You could see his cheeks tint red.

"My name's Garfield. Gar," He tried to cover up his embarrassment. Gar cringed at the sound of his voice cracking.

"Should you be telling me that?" You asked. Wasn't the whole point of being a hero having a secret identity? This was the first time that you had met one, and it certainly felt like he didn't really know what he was doing. Nonetheless, you were just happy that they didn't kill you for knowing their identity - or their secret location.

"You already know what I look like what's the harm in knowing my name?" Gar shrugged. He wanted nothing more than to get the attention off of him - so he decided to throw the new guy under the bus. "Besides I think Conner kinda already has a crush on you, so."

"Super-rip-off?" You asked. To be fair, you didn't know his name, or if he even was related to the great Superman. All you knew, was that he had saved your life and you were grateful for it. And from what small glimpse you got of him, he was pretty cute too.

"He probably heard that," Gar told you. Heat rose to your cheeks with embarrassment. "But yes. Superboy. He's the one that saved you and brought you here. Really, he probably should have taken you to a hospital but he's kinda new at this whole thing so, yeah. I guess now they're trying to figure out what to do with you."

"So, have I been kidnapped?" You asked again. The leader had said that you weren't allowed to leave and that Gar was supposed to stop you if you tried to. Would you ever be allowed to leave again if you knew their secrets? Would they really trust a stranger that they just met? They didn't even know your name!

"Um, that's unclear," Gar answered. To be honest, he really didn't know what Dick planned to do with you. After growing up alongside Batman, it was drilled into him to be super cautious. He knew how to keep his identity safe and not let anyone know who he really was. Conner had ruined that pretty quick.

"My name's (Y//N), by the way," You told him, sticking your hand out for him to shake. Gar grinned and accepted it. For everything that just happened to you, you were taking it all pretty well. He expected you to freak out, or even something worse like faint again. "I guess if I am being kidnapped you should at least know who I is."

Gar pulled one of the chairs beside the bed to sit across from you. He started asking you questions about your life - what you did, what you liked to do in you spare time, things like that. It was nice talking with him. For a kid, he seemed like a very genuine guy. You wanted to ask about him, but considering his lifestyle, it didn't seem like a good idea.

It felt like hours that you were stuck in there, chatting away as the people outside that room tried to figure out just what to do with you. Finally, the man that saved you - Conner - and the one who ordered Gar to stay with you, came back in. The two other women that were with them earlier hadn't come back.

You smiled at them both, hoping that your kindness would lessen whatever sort of punishment they had coming for you. Conner looked flustered at your smile, proving Gar's theory even more.

"Superboy shouldn't have brought you here," The oldest one spoke. He looked familiar, and it took you a few moments to realize why. He was that kid in the circus - the one that's parents died in the middle of an act. The Flying Graysons - this must have been Dick. "We talked abo-"

"You're Dick Grayson!" You grinned. Excitement grew within you for meeting someone you idolized as a child. "I went to like four of your shows when I was a kid! Oh my god you and your family were like my heroes! We stopped at Haly's Circus for three weeks straight. You were the reason I joined gymnastics, I wanted to be like you!"

Dick looked taken aback by your sudden outburst, as did Gar and Conner. His shock turned to a smile, it was nice to see someone who remembered his time in the circus. It reminded him of his childhood, being back there - no responsibilities, no drama, just fun. What were the odds that Conner picked up one of his old fans?

Why was he here? What connection did he have to the Titans? The three men watched as the gears in your brain turned as you pieced everything together. Bruce Wayne took him in when he was a kid - right around the same time that Robin - another childhood hero of yours - showed up. Was he Robin?

No, the one on the news a couple months back was shorter, and had different hair. But the Robin that was in Gotham - the Robin that you looked up to - had the same acrobatic techniques as Dick had. "You're Robin," you looked over him, picturing him with a mask and green suit. "The old Robin. Which means... Bruce... Holy shit!"

"Wow you put that together a little too quickly," Gar looked impressed by your analytical skills. First guessing that he was the tiger, then Conner being related to Superman in someway, now Dick being Robin? You were good. "And you look angry," he looked over at his mentor. Dick's arms were crossed and his jaw tight. This little revelation just made things far more complicated.

"Oh I'm so fucked," You whispered to yourself. Knowing who Batman was? That was something that very few people knew about. You certainly weren't supposed to know and yet here you were. "I don't suppose you'll just believe me when I say I'm really good at keeping secrets and that I promise to never say anything?"

"I do, actually," Conner spoke for the first time since you had met him. The three of you looked at him in shock. This man didn't know you, he couldn't possible just believe your word like that. "I can hear your heartbeat, you weren't lying."

"So I can go?"

"No," Dick stopped you. "If I find out that you did tell anyone out secret, I will find you. Trust me, I'll be far more kinder to you than Batman." Conner could hear your heart rate once more. This time, it was erratic - you were scared. You gulped and nodded your head. The last thing you wanted to do was get on their bad side.

Dick gestured for you to follow him. You did, with Gar and Conner only a few steps behind the both of you. The apartment was massive, and beautiful. But if Bruce Wayne was funding it you expected nothing less. You didn't get to look at much before reaching an elevator. Dick pressed the button and the doors opened wide for you to walk in.

"You don't want my name? Address? Anything to track me down?" You asked.

"I've already got a file on you," Dick answered. You should have known that he would. If he was really Robin, he would have found out everything about you the second you were carried through those doors. "And if I really wanted to find you, it wouldn't be that hard. Just remember what I said."

"Right. Don't tell anyone or Batman will break my bones. Got it," you shuddered at the thought, walking into the elevator. "Nice meeting you all, I guess." You looked over at Conner, "Thanks for saving me, and uh, feel free to call me," you winked right before the doors closed. Gar was right, and he was cute.

Conner's face flushed red. They watched in the small screen as you went down. A smile grew on your face - it wasn't very often you were so forward like that. But hey, you weren't going to see him again so why not? Unless, he did actually call you - which was unlikely. Did heroes have romantic partners?

Conner looked over at his friends. Gar was giving him a thumbs up at the win and Dick was holding back a chuckle. None of them expected their evenings to go like that, but it sure was interesting to see it play out. You seemed like a nice person, and by the way that Conner could tell that you weren't lying, a trustworthy one as well.

"You have their number in that file, right?"

[mybiasisexo]

Target

Genre: Angst | Mafia!au

Pairing: None

Length: 3.5k

Warning: Language | Violence | Unfinished | OC | 1st Person

Summary: A year after her last mission, Dragen has a lot to prove to both her company and herself, but when she begins to grow closer to her next target, she realizes she might be a little too soft for her current career....

Author’s Note: Started this in like 2014 I believe and this is all I wrote, probably won’t ever finish it, but you know how it issss.

MASTERLIST

Work:

Chen and I are standing outside a deserted brick building in downtown next to an equally deserted train track.

“You think you’re so brave,” Chen chuckles, rolling his eyes.

“I am,” I say, smirking.

“Then prove it.”

Now I’m the one to roll my eyes, “you’re such a troll.” 

A knowing smile grows across my face as I pull out the sleek glock 22 from inside my jacket and cock the gun. When it is ready, I place the barrel in my mouth.

Chen starts laughing before growing serious as he grasps the grip, placing his index finger confidently onto the trigger.

“What are you going to do now, Dragen?” He asks me gravelly, but I spot a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

In reply, I pull my lips back, flashing him my pearly teeth, with a few gold teeth as well.

At that moment, a black van pulls up and a shorter dark haired man walks out of the driver’s side.

“Alright, guys. That’s enough,” he orders, and Chen laughs again as I pull away from the lethal weapon, wiping the saliva that had started to drip off my chin.

“I can’t leave you two alone without you fooling around. I’m surprised we ever get anything done,” the man, Kyungsoo, mutters.

“Oh please,” I say. “You know that this ‘business’ would crumble if not for us.”

“Not to mention your sense of humor,” Chen grins brightly. His lips stretch even further when Kyungsoo glares viciously at him.

After clearing his throat, Kyungsoo gets down to business, “the guy we are looking for is named Wu Yifan, but he goes by Kris. Rumor has it, he’s discovered some very…interesting information about our contractor that can ruin their business. We must capture him and figure out what he knows.”

“So are we going to get him today or…?” Chen asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, “no. Today, you two are just going to find and observe. Get a good feel of him so that we can figure out how to approach him.”

Chen and I nod once in unison. Kyungsoo reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small picture, holding it out for the two of us to see. The picture is in black and white and shows the side of a man’s face, he seems to be about the same age as us.

“This is our guy. Find him, study him, and report your findings back to me. Understood?”

“Affirmative,” I reply, sliding my glock back into its hiding place.

“Alright. Good luck.” Kyungsoo heads back into his van and peels out, causing dirt to waft around us.

We cough and choke on the dirt. Once it clears we glance at each other.

“I was really hoping we would kill someone today,” Chen pouts and sighs.

I take a deep breath and let it go harshly, placing my hands on my hips, “not today. Looks like we’re spying.”

“I feel so degraded. Isn’t this Sehun’s job?”

I smack his arm, “behave.”

Chen pouts again, rubbing his arm, “let’s go.”

~*~

Twenty minutes later, Chen and I find ourselves sitting at a park, watching a basketball game.

Our boy, Yifan, is attempting to play. He’s pretty good, at least, he’s very confident.

“He has literally missed every single shot he’s thrown,” Chen says, voice filled with mild disbelief.

I sigh, “How the hell did this guy uncover vital information about our contractor that can destroy them?”

“He had to stumble upon it. There’s no way….”

Yifan tosses the ball at the basket again, Chen and I tilt our heads to the side as the ball bounces off the backboard and soars back to Yifan, who ducks just in time.

“Pathetic,” Chen says. “Should we teach him a thing or two?”

I shake my head, “we must stay in shadow mode. We need to figure him out so that we can find a way to approach him.”

“You’re right. I just feel so bad for the man.”

“At least he looks hot while doing it.”

Chen is silent and I glance over at him. He is staring at me incredulously.

“What?” I pout.

“Your taste in men is quite appalling,”

“Yeah, especially since this one cannot stay.” I pull the sunglasses that are resting on the top of my head down to my eyes and stand. “Should we go?”

“Do you think we’ve gathered enough information?”

I shrug, “No. But I’m tired and he’s boring. Maybe they got the wrong guy.”

“We never make mistakes, Dragen, you know that.”

“Ilhoon will be worried. I promised him I’d be home early tonight.”

“What’s going on between you two anyway?”

“He’s my best friend,” I breathe.

“If he were your best friend, he’d know what you have been doing for the past five years. You’re lying to him.”

“You know that this profession calls for us to lie to everyone that matters, or else they’ll get hurt.”

Chen just shakes his head, “let’s wait one more hour. Hopefully he’ll go home, and you can peep on him taking a hot shower.”

I think about Chen’s offer. It is true that we haven’t gotten much on this Kris guy—except for the fact that he’s a terrible basketball player—and after my last assignment, I cannot afford to call it a day. “One more hour.”

Chen salutes and we get settled once again on the bench.

Yifan misses again.

~*~

“We’ve gathered that he likes to play sports, basketball in particular, though he isn’t very good.”

“Also, he enjoys eating jelly filled donuts and is quite clumsy, being that he got the jelly all over his shirt.”

“In a nutshell. This man is pathetic, and could possibly be molded like putty in Dragen’s hands,” Chen finishes with a smirk.

Kyungsoo’s wide eyes bounce back and forth between Chen and I. Finally he sighs and leans back in his chair, “alright. You two are dismissed. I’ll report your minuscule findings to the boss and he’ll let us know where to continue with this mission.”

Chen and I both rise to go but then Kyungsoo asks me to stay behind. Chen and I lock eyes and I can sense the worry in his gaze, but he leaves nonetheless, he has no choice.

I settle back down into my chair and wait for Kyungsoo to speak. He leans forward, folding his hands in front of him. His tan suit is a size too big for him and he looks like a son pretending to be his father at his office. 

“Suho is still worried about your well-being, Dragen,” he starts and I try not to roll my eyes. “He wants to make sure you won’t turn on us again. You haven’t killed anyone since Minho, and giving you such a big assignment after your near failure causes him to worry.”

I bite my lip. Just hearing his name rips me up inside, causes tears to form in my eyes. I take a deep breath and suck it back in, tape myself quickly back together so that I’m not exposed.

“So what do you suggest?” I question.

Kyungsoo opens a drawer and pulls out a manila folder, sliding it over to me.

“It’s a small mission. Just a man who was trading secrets of the South to the North. He’s on the run, right on the border, but they pinned him and have been watching him. His expiration date is tomorrow at noon, and then it’s a free for all. The government wants him disposed of before then.”

I skim through his profile. Kim Minseok, thirty years old, he was an officer in our military and apparently pretty high up. I wonder what caused him to betray the country in such a way.

“Do you think you can handle it?”

I allow myself this eye roll, “I can handle it.”

Kyungsoo nods and I see a hint of a smile pull at the side of his face, “good.”

I rise and walk quickly out of his office. Sometimes that man gives me the chills. It isn’t like I think he’d hurt me or anything, but I know that he can be ruthless and is completely deadly. He’s a killing machine.

At around two in the morning, I find myself on top of an old abandoned building. It’s an extremely windy night, and my curly hair flies violently behind me. Quickly, I wrap my hair into a ponytail and resume my position: kneeling on one knee with my rifle resting on the edge of the building. I peek through the scope, scanning the area for Minseok. Finally, after an hour and a half, I catch movement. There he is, running through the deserted open road covered in filth. You’d have thought he’d know better. I mean, the man’s on the run, why is he running out in the open? Oh well, I can’t care less for the reasons behind his actions. All I care about is proving Suho and Kyungsoo wrong. I can be just as heartless as them, and I am going to prove it in three, two, one…

Bang! 

The jolt from my rifle pushes me back and I stumble for a second as Minseok falls, out cold. Quickly, I snatch my weapon and run as fast as I can carrying the heavy equipment on my shoulder. Once I’m out the building, I yank out my glock and cautiously approach the man sprawled against the asphalt. I glance around me, all is clear. Minseok takes a quick breath and I jump.

“Please,” he whispers. I swallow hard as his eyes roll up to my face. “Please, I had to do it. I’m sorry. No one ever has a choice.”

“No,” I snap back at him. “There is always a choice, always a way out.”

“I guess you’ll find out soon….” He takes another breath, but doesn’t ever let it back out.

What was that?! No time to think about it. I have to leave the scene. I run over to my unmarked van and throw my rifle in the back, carefully maneuvering the vehicle so to not leave any marks. Once I am about forty miles out, I high sped it out of there. When I am at my safe spot—a dingy 24-hour gas station—I jump to the back and dismantle my weapon. Once it is put away, I drive back to the agency, switching the van for my own Dodge Neon and finally go home.

Pretenses:

He smiles and his front teeth shine against the darkness that surrounds us.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re shy,” he breathes, taking me all in.

I smirk, pretending to be brave, “your flattery isn’t really working, Minho.”

“Oh yeah?” He growls and presses himself closer to me, causing both my heart to race and a moan to escape. His smile widens with satisfaction.

“I love you,” he murmurs against the skin of my collarbone.

Don’t say that, I think. All the same, I smile and answer back to him, “I love you too, Minho.”

“Good,” he snaps, his voice serious and deep with lust. “Because you’re mine, Baby. For forever.”

I awake with tears in my eyes. I’m still dreaming of him, a whole year later. I don’t think I’ll ever not dream of him, of the man who showed me what real love felt like.

I check the time and jump up and run to my closet until I freeze. Today is Sunday, I have today off.

I sigh and lean against my closet doorframe filled with relief. Something unhinged me about my last mission, something about the way Minseok had just given up, about what he said to me. A sense of fear crawls up my throat like a premonition and I swallow it back fiercely. I’m overreacting. Maybe Suho and Kyungsoo are right about me, maybe I am becoming soft.

I step out of my room and bump into Ilhoon. His arms encircle me and he takes a step back, catching us.

“Whoa, there,” he murmurs, chuckling as we pull away. “Good morning to you too, Dray.”

I rub my forehead and sigh, “sorry.”

“Busy night?” He asks. He starts walking away and I follow him to the kitchen, plopping on a chair as he pulls out two bowls from the cabinet. “You didn’t get in until late…”

I wince, “I’m sorry, Ilhoonie. I know you want me to come home earlier, but my job is kicking my butt.”

“All you do is fix computers,” he scoffs and hands me a bowl filled with chocolate cereal—our favorite.

“You’d be surprised how complicated fixing a computer can be. First you have to find the problem, and then you have to check the entire database and make sure all of the files and other information won’t get lost and then—”

“Alright, alright. I believe you,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re going to give me a headache with all that computer talk.”

“Sorry,” I mutter. I’m not feeling very well today, and Ilhoon can sense it.

“Well, you have today off, don’t you?” I nod. “Are you going up to your parents’ later?”

I nod again, “Zelo’s birthday is tomorrow so we’re celebrating it tonight. Are you going to come too?”

Ilhoon shrugs, “I am practically family. Plus, I haven’t seen Zelo in a while. How old is he turning?”

“Nineteen,” I gulp. My little brother is becoming a man today, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was terrified.

Ilhoon laughs, “remember us at nineteen? We went wild on our birthday!” Ilhoon and I share the same birthday, hence why we are so close.

I shudder, “that is exactly why I am nervous. I don’t want Yongguk anywhere near him after ten.”

Ilhoon’s eyes darken, but he doesn’t say anything. We finish our breakfast in silence and I help him wash the dishes.

“It’s almost twelve, get ready,” he orders as he heads to his room.

I sigh and roll my eyes. Ilhoon is very religious. If there is one thing he loves, it’s the lord. One of the requirements of living with him is that I have to accompany him to Sunday mass every week.

Once there, we sit in a pew near the middle and listen to the word. The father preaches about God’s love and undying devotion, but I don’t feel any reassurance.

I’m no angel. I’m the opposite, in fact. I’ve committed too many sins to be forgiven and I know there is nothing pleasant waiting for me on the other side.

God gave up on me a long time ago.

~*~

After mass, Ilhoon and I head over to my parents’ house. The place is packed with all of Zelo’s friends. Once my father sees me, he beams and wraps me in a hug. Since my life is so busy with work, I don’t see my family often. It has been a few weeks since Zelo and I have talked, and months since my parents’ and I have.

“Where’s Zelo?” I practically yell into my father’s ear. The music is so loud I can feel it more than hear it.

“In the living room, AKA the ‘dance floor’.” My father rolls his eyes and chuckles at my silly brother. I nod and snatch Ilhoon’s hand, dragging him with me to the living room.

In the middle of the room, surrounded by a semi-circle is the birthday boy. He’s busting all kinds of moves and I roll my eyes—I taught that kid practically everything he knows.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

bruh my cousin is an anti-vaxxer (despite our uncle having gotten polio bc the vaccine didn't exist when he contracted it - he literally missed it by a couple of years) and one of her kids recently infected our aunt (her MOM) with something that landed her in hospital which could've been completely preventable and avoidable if she'd just vaccinated the kid... i don't understand anti-vaxxers AT ALL

I managed to resist getting in a fight almost all the way through Thanksgiving...until someone pulled out some Top Grade Bullshit about vaccines, at which point I ripped into one of my dad’s friends like a cheap chew toy.  I just.

Oh my god, I’m so angry about it.  It’s just especially hilarious, in a sick kind of way, to talk to someone about vaccines and hear them go “Oh, no, of course I’m not vaccinating my kid" and then I go “but your parents vaccinated you, right” and they go “yes, because [thing] was really an epidemic when I was younger” with a complete failure to understand the conflict there.  Literally don’t even try me with the pitch of “most of those diseases are harmless anyway, no one dies from chicken pox.”  First of all, even if absolutely no one died from chicken pox, shingles is really hideously miserable and I feel like avoiding it is a reasonable desire.  Second of all, almost every disease people point to and go “this is not really a problem” is probably more dangerous than that.  You’re not worried about pertussis because you’re an adult, and you had it and you were fine?  Did you KNOW that whooping cough kills one in two hundred children who contract it before they’re two?  Did you KNOW that most of the children who contract it are in that age range because their vaccines aren’t up yet and they are vulnerable to the assholes around them who don’t get their shots?  Oh, what about measles?  No one dies from measles, right?  NOPE, about one in one thousand people (usually children) who contract measles die outright from the disease.  If that number doesn’t do it for you, more end up with serious complications ranging from encephalitis or meningitis, both of which can be incredibly dangerous, to serious birth defects if a pregnant woman contracts the disease.  Also, did you KNOW that measles wipes your immune system of past immune codings, in a phenomenon called “immune amnesia”?  Say bye-bye to your naturally acquired chicken pox immunity you were so pleased with, and adults absolutely DO die of chicken pox you shrieking coat rack.

“““““““It’s just the flu”““““““““

INFLUENZA KILLED MORE PEOPLE IN FOUR MONTHS THAN WORLD WAR ONE KILLED IN FOUR YEARS.  THE REASON YOU CAN TALK ABOUT “JUST THE FLU” IS BECAUSE BEING VACCINATED AGAINST MULTIPLE STRAINS OF THE VIRUS MAKES YOUR SYSTEM MORE EQUIPPED TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST A NEW ONE.  DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT “JUST THE FLU.”

See, the problem is that vaccines are getting better and safer and more effective and we as a species are forgetting to be afraid.  Vaccines are so good that they have convinced people that sickness is nothing to fear, because we started vaccinating people for the worst illnesses first.  We vaccinated one of the top killers out of existence when the smallpox vaccine was developed.  Measles was gone from the US in 2000, after having been so common that people thought it was just acne for seven year olds.  We went from a near-100% infection rate to none, and now we’re back to having endemic infections all over the nation and the world, costing lives because people decided to chug their Ableist Jackass juice.

Modern medicine is good but we cannot fix everything.  Tetanus and whooping cough and mumps and measles and chicken pox and influenza still kill people.  The complications leave people with permanent damage to organs (*waves* that’s me! hi!) or loss of function in nerves or any number of other issues.  Children and people with chronic illnesses and transplant patients and everyone else who can’t be vaccinated depend on us, the rest of the world, to protect them from those illnesses, which, AGAIN, can kill them.  These diseases are still something to be wary of, and vaccines are safer and more effective at protecting against them than any other method in the world.

I just can’t believe how careless people are with the lives of those around them, with the lives of their children.  I just.  I can’t fathom it.

Listen to me.  We have a vaccine for the virus that causes over 90% of cervical cancers, plus a huge percentage of oral and genital cancers across the board.  Let me repeat that: we have a vaccine.  For cancer.  That’s the goddamn Holy Grail.  Curing cancer is great, but the ideal is to never have cancer in the first place!  The HPV vaccine is safe and effective and should have been hailed as the next staple of pediatric medicine!

Instead, people are so invested in their kid not having a bit of redness and swelling from a shot, or in their kid not getting one more vaccine, or HPV just really not being that bad, that getting kids the shot is an uphill battle every step of the way.

It’s a vaccine for cancer.  Not six days of itching or a month of coughing but cancer.  And we’re still out here fighting over it.

I will never understand looking at that and saying “No, I don’t want that for my child.”

Sorry for this rant but holy shit I’m furious about it.

[erintoknow]

everything breaks in me

Spiraling - A Fallen Hero: Rebirth Fan-fiction

Well, you know what they say; no plan survives contact with the enemy intact. [Wolf] Originally: [Everything Breaks In Me]

[Read on AO3]

You breathe a sigh of relief as Herald shuts the break room door behind him. He’s not that young, but just the air he has around him makes you feel decrepit by comparison. To say nothing of the stars in his eyes, plain to see in every two sentence exchange with the kid. Try not to think about the limp in his gait, his preference to hover over walking, the night at the Gala.

Damnit. How are you going to take them down for good if a broken leg is enough to make you feel like shit? These people aren’t your friends or allies. They’ll turn on you the second they know the truth. That was true before Puppetmaster hit the papers, and it’s only become more true now that Ghost is making regular headlines.

Something like you can’t have allies, never mind friends.

You can’t afford to forget that.

Never again.

You won’t go back.

Glance around the break room, no point trying to raid the fridge while you wait for Ortega. You need time to figure out how you’ll approach that conversation. Things have been… strange for months. Just thinking about her is enough to bring on the nausea. How can she not see you for what you are? How is she not repulsed?

You run your hands through your hair. Maybe you can help yourself to some hot chocolate. Get your hands something to do before you dig a hole in your skin. You drift over to the coffee collection, flip a finger through the bags looking for the cocoa.

It would be easier if you could just cut contact with Ortega completely. Just fucking ghost the fuck out of Julia. But, one, that would just get Ortega hounding your heels and two, would lose you access to the Rangers. Maybe if you hadn’t kissed her in the hospital? The two of you have never actually discussed that night, despite your promise. You’re terrified to bring it up. A moment of weakness you couldn’t afford.

You’ve been having a lot of those lately.

Well, you know what they say; no plan survives contact with the enemy intact.

You’ve just finished pouring yourself a mug of hot water and cocoa powder when the door opens. “So.” Chen announces as he steps into the break room, leaving the door open behind him. “You’re back.”

You settle against the window pane, cross your legs at the knee as you lean back. Make it clear you’re not about to leave. “I th–thought we already got past this part, Chen.” You hold the mug tight to your chest, one hand spinning the little red stirrer stick round and round.

You pick up a burst of frustration, but Chen’s face betrays none of it. “You were very insistent on being retired. And yet,” Chen stoops down to search through the refrigerator. “And yet, here you are again.”

You take a sip, ignoring the burn on your tongue. “Free country, Chen,” you lie. “You’re the – the Marshal, if really you want me out you could just have me barred from the building.” Maybe you’re playing your hand a little strong here but you can’t keep having this conversation with Chen. It’s exhausting.

He pulls out a squeeze bottle and shuts the fridge door as he stands up. “I could,” Chen concedes, and for a moment your heartbeat quickens. Is he seriously going to call your bluff and have you tossed out? Chen sighs, rubbing his nose. “But I won’t. You aren’t a threat.”

You blink. “I uh – I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Chen’s mouth twitches in the ghost of a smile. “You aren’t a threat yet.”

“There we go.”

“You haven’t tried to ‘improve’ the coffee machine, for example.”

You close your eyes and rest your head back against the glass. “Jesus Christ. Are you all still holding that against me?”

You hear Chen sigh, he sounds exhausted with you. “Is that really what you think this is about?”

You narrow your eyes at him, staring down from across the room. “Then explain to me, Chen. What is this about then?”

Chen meets your glare head-on and you have to will yourself not to break eye-contact. “I meant what I said before. I’m glad you aren’t dead.”

There’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere...

“But–”

Yeah, there we go.

“It doesn’t change the reality, that for the rest of us, you did die. You were dead for seven years Becker. And now you think you can just, what?” Chen’s frown deepens. “Come back like nothing happened?”

Something between nausea and fury bubbles up in your throat and it is all you can do not to throw your mug across the room at him. “You have no fucking idea what I went through Chen! So back the fuck off!”

The silence stretches into seconds, then a minute, then “It was that bad, huh?”

Fucking hell piss goddamnit the bastard got you again.

“I’m not fucking tell you anything.” You clench your jaw, don’t look at him. Don’t look at his stupid face. Don’t peek at his stupid trap thoughts.

“You should tell somebody.”

You glare into your mug of hot chocolate. “Why do you even give a damn Chen.” If you had heat vision, the cup would be boiling.

“The way I see it, Becker, I’m wondering the same thing about you. Ever since you started coming by again you keep fixing little things, giving Ortega advice...,” Chen takes a pull from his squeeze bottle. “You act like you hate it, but no one’s forcing you to give Herald lessons. Argent’s the only person you’ve really avoided.”

“I just–” you hiss, frustrated to be on the back-foot once again. “If – if Ortega’s going to–to–to keep calling me over, I might as well make myself useful.”

Chen is staring straight at you and you have to hold your mug with both hands to keep them from shaking. “You asked me before, about choosing between two futures. If you want to retire Ariadne, then retire. Don’t let Ortega drag you into a half-life. That’s not fair to either of you.”

You tighten your grip on the mug, grind your teeth. “But why do you care?”

“You mean besides Ortega being my friend?” Chen’s voice drops as he talks. “Because I don’t understand why you do.”

“I–I–I just…” Are you sick? Mad? Both? What is Chen’s fucking deal? You need to go on the offensive again before he drives you from the building. “Look.” You raise a hand towards him, still not looking in his direction. “It’s obvious you guys are in trouble. I… I don’t want the Rangers to fall apart.”

Is that the truth or a lie? You’re not sure.

“Kind of you.” Chen’s voice is deadpan. “I think I know more about teamwork than you do.”

“Just – I might not have joined but – but that doesn’t mean we didn’t all make a good team.”

A wave of want and nostalgia seizes your heart.

If you could only go back to how things were before. Anathema and you pranking Steel, giving Sentinel a thumbs up. Talking with Sunstream about her garden. The nights with Ortega, her watching you at Derby games, the celebratory dinners or the consolatory milkshakes. Making sure Ortega got home safe after a hard fight. Fixing her hair for her. Helping to stitch her back up until the medics could come. Being her sounding board as she butted heads with PR and city officials. So many other little things you’re sure you’ve forgotten…

It’s all gone now. You’ll never get it back.

A lie. A dream.

And when you woke up–

“I wish you would have.” Chen says, pulling you out of your reverie.

Wait.

“What? J-joined?” Seriously?

“Yes, I wish you had.” When you look at Chen, he’s no longer staring you down, instead looking past you, out the window.

“I… I wouldn’t do a background check, you know that.”

He looks back to you and now it’s your turn to look out the window. “And you wonder why I didn’t trust you.”

“Not – not everyone is tight with the U.S. Government, you know.” You have to take a breath, scratch your fingers against the sides of the mug. “That doesn’t mean they’re bad.”

“The chances increase.”

You bite your lip a little too hard and wince at the pain. From the very beginning Chen has been trying to push you out. Reminding you that you don’t belong. Can’t belong. But… Chen has always been something of an outsider, like you. Why can’t he understand? “But they… they might have enemies.”

Chen takes a long drink from his squeeze bottle. Finally, he says “I’m sorry.”

You look up from your mug. “You’re… you’re sorry?” You choke back a laugh. “For what?”

There’s a… you can’t read the expression on his face. Something you don’t think you’ve seen before on his face. Regret? “For a lot of things,” He says. “I…”

“W-what?”

“I went looking for you.”

You manage to put the mug down on the table before you can drop it. He can’t – He can’t really mean? But? Why? What did he? But then? You cough, run a hand down your leg, pressing familiar patterns. “Didn’t they tell you I was dead?”

“Yes.” Steel nods. “I had a bad feeling. Something didn’t add up.” He shakes his head. You don’t think you’ve seen him this tense, this nervous in a long, long time. “They tried to tell me it was trauma from whatever the hell Heartbreak was.”

“An experiment, or…” you pull your arms tight against yourself. This is dangerous territory. “That’s my guess anyway.”

Steel doesn’t look directly at you, but his frown intensifies, eyebrows dip down. “You think someone… did that on purpose?”

“Uh – maybe not on… purpose.” You hug yourself tight, fall back against the wall again. “But they… they had been kept somewhere. There was…” You have to swallow down the bile. “Still equipment attached. Med-medical.”

“Huh. Interesting.” If Steel notices that you’re literally trying to hold yourself together, he doesn’t comment.

You furrow your brows, clinging to the twinge of irritation at being ignored. Better that then– “What? It’s interesting there’s something more than just a screwed up boost?”

Steel finally looks back at you. His frown doesn’t let up. “There’s always something more to everything in this city. You know that. It’s just not smiled on to look into it.”

“You did anyway.”

“I needed answers.”

“You’ve always been nosey.”

“Your words, not mine.”

You take a breath. “Well? Did you find any?” It’s like peering over the edge of a window. Testing the air.

“I… didn’t find you.” He glances away from your face, towards the break room door.

“So you found something then.”

“Bits and pieces.” He admits and your heart freezes. “Who’s Chelsea?” Steel watches you, and you have to struggle to keep your face blank. Swallow down the burst of panic. The sudden urge to run, to jump.

“Nobody important,” you lie. Even as the words leave your mouth you can tell he doesn’t believe you. That he knows that you know he doesn’t believe you. You close your eyes. “Was that really it? The best you could do? Some old ghost?”

“There was more, a lot of dead ends.” Chen shakes his head. “Enough that I stopped looking.”

That gets you to look at him again and he won’t meet your eyes. “What? Why?” A bitter twinge in your stomach churns at your throat. “I thought you didn’t like mysteries?”

“I don’t. But… I needed to put the team first.”

You can feel the frustration bubbling again. The team first. The team you weren’t a part of because of a stupid piece of paper. The team he just told you he wished you joined. “Fuck that noise.” You hiss. “What aren’t you saying?”

“Plenty.” Steel steps away from the table, back towards the door. “Maybe you should ask yourself why.”

“Hún dàn.”

Chen’s eyebrows shoot straight up, and then his mouth quirks to the side in amusement. “Your pronunciation could use some work.”

“Fuck you.”

“If you want to know so badly, Becker, just read it from my mind.” He only breaks eye contact with you to put his drink back in the fridge.

“I’ve told you it doesn’t work like that.”

“And I’ve told you, I don’t believe you.”

“Fuck you, Steel.” Pick up your mug again and take a sip. You make a face and curse. It’s gone cold.

He gives you one last look back as he leaves the room. Chen’s face is a careful blank. “If I see Ortega I’ll be sure to tell her you’re here.”

You don’t have to wait long before Ortega shows her face. Sauntering through the door, cool as anything just as you’re pulling your mug out of the microwave. “So. I won’t even ask what you two talked about.”

“It’s just Chen. Being an asshole.” You huff, staring her down, clutching your cocoa to your shawl.

“Sure. Chen was the problem.” There’s a quiet, knowing smile on her face and it makes your heart hurt. She knows this song and dance just as well as you do. “I’m sure that’s it.”

“W–whatever. Believe me or don’t.”

“Hey, I’m pretty much done for today so…” She jerks her thumb to the door. “What do you say we get out of here?”

You groan. “God, yes.”

–––

The Los Diablos beach is more stone than sand. One of the many lasting scars of the disaster that killed Los Angeles, a city you’ve only seen in photographs and old movies. When you first came here over a decade ago, the bay still had the metal skeletons of ruined buildings rising out of the sea. It looks like they’ve finally cleared them all out now.

“Are you okay?” It’s Ortega’s fault you’re out here. You don’t know what to make of that. The ocean carries a cool salt breeze. In the fall air, it’s almost cold.

You don’t understand, don’t understand your own body’s reaction to her. How all your higher reasoning seems to go out the window around her. Is what is was like before? Were you always this bad around Ortega or is this a new development? So many frayed, half-forgotten memories, and which ones are even real rather than desperate dreams?

You can’t afford to be like this, can’t afford to lose control.

You lost control and broke Herald’s leg. Lost control and didn’t properly finish Charge off. Lost control and got shown up by Argent. You’re going to fall prey to the same problems you’ve watched countless other villains fall to. At this rate you won’t even last long enough to register as a blip in the steamroller the Directive has poised to flattened all dissenters

Fuck.

“Ari!” Ortega snaps her fingers and the sound makes you jerk your head towards her, startled out of your brooding. “Are you okay?” She’s watching you, brows knit in worry, and you feel sick.

You wince, “I’m fine,” shoot a glance in her direction, “really.”

“Uh-huh. Liar.” She shifts position, leaning against the guard rail, moves a little closer to you. “What are you thinking about so hard?” The sun’s right in her face, lighting her up. Is she frowning or squinting, you’re not sure.

You pull your head away from her, stare out across the water. “I don’t know.” You run your hands up your arms, even under all the fabric you can make out the little bumps and divots from the scars.

“You don’t know?” Ortega taps you on the shoulder with the back of her hand. A fleeting touch but it makes your heart jump.

“W-would you rather I lied?” You stretch your face into a smile.

Ortega doesn’t have an answer for that. Stares out over the water. You follow her gaze. The way the waves crest and break against the rocks. It wasn’t that long ago you were out there. Water filling through a puncture in your suit. Air supply compromised. Could have drowned then. You didn’t.

But you could have.

“It’s okay.” Ortega’s hand presses into your shoulder and you freeze up. “It’s over. We’re still here.”

“What?” You breathe out.

“The Nano-surge?” Ortega points across the bay with her other hand. The crest of land, still oddly clear of anything but grass and shrubs. “Ten years this year. We just passed the anniversary. It’s been in the news a lot.”

You blink, try to relax. “Oh.” Swallow down the tightness in your throat.

Truthfully, you haven’t paid much attention unless it concerns you or a future target. It takes less effort than you’d like to get sucked back there. To hear Elysie screaming. The shifting of the ground under everyone’s feet as it literally dissolved into a silver dust. And now you carry a piece of it with you. A sword to point at your enemies, at the entire world.

“Oh…” You try to clear your throat, “Can you believe it?”

That gets a laugh from her. She takes her hand from your shoulder and rubs the sleeve of her arm, the one you know must still have patches of mismatched skin where the grafts didn’t take correctly. “I really thought that was it for me…”

Something in your chest twists and you have to rub at your eye. “I’m glad I saved you back then.” You say, and to your surprise find it’s still true.

“Yeah, me too.”

“I still get nosebleeds sometimes.” You admit, surprising yourself. “Not as often… but ever since then.”

“Yeah?” Ortega moves closer to you, shoulders touching. So close. Too close. “Have you ever thought to see a doctor about it?”

“Ortega, please,” you arch an eyebrow, the smile on your face turning genuine. “Have you met me?”

“Ah-hah, the real reason you retired: fear of doctors.”

You laugh. “You’ve found me out.” Without really thinking about it you press your shoulder back against hers. Enjoy the warmth of the falling sun against the cool of the salt air. “You ought to think about it too.”

“What? Retire?”

“There’s plenty of other people that could save the world, you know.” You bite your lip. “It doesn’t have to be you.” You wish she’d stop. Let it go. Don’t.. don’t put herself in danger like that again.

“Hah. Well.” Ortega straightens up, pulling away from you. “I think saving the entire world might be beyond my pay grade…” She steals a glance at you from the corner of her eye. “I’ll be happy if I can just save people.”

You turn away from her, shift down on the railing. “What about stopping them?” You can feel the railing shift as she turns to you but you don’t look back.

“You know there’s only one I care about.”

“Really.”

“Well, alright.” She sighs. “There’s Hollow Ground and then there’s Ghost.”

“Banshee.” You correct her.

She blinks. “They changed their name again?”

Oh.

Shit.

You shrug, try to play it off like it was nothing and steal a glance at her. “That’s what the paper said this morning.” You force a laugh, smiling at the ocean. Have to play this cool. “Ghost was kind of stupid name anyway, wasn’t it?”

“Whatever they go by,” You can feel Ortega’s eyes on the side of your face. “They need to be stopped.”

“But–” you swallow the words in your throat, try again, “but why does it need to be you?”

Ortega’s gaze is still boring a hole through you. “They made it personal.”

You close your eyes, try not to think about her looking at you. “It doesn’t – it doesn’t have to be. There’s other heroes, and – and – and it didn’t go well for you the last time.” You grip the railing tight, rub your hands against the metal. “I worry about you.”

“You don’t need to.” You open your eyes and she’s smiling at you, confident, and there’s something about her eyes, wrinkles casting a shadow in the sun. Whatever seven years might have done to Ortega, it hasn’t damaged her ability to look stunning in the spotlight.

You collapse against the railing, chin on metal. “I keep trying to… to tell myself, and it hasn’t helped.”

“You don’t have to protect me,” she laughs. “When did you get to be such a mom?”

You groan, a sound that turns into more an anguished noise than you had intended. “You don’t – you don’t get it.”

Everything she’s ever worked for: a lie. A lie you need to destroy, burn down to the ground. Yourself included. What would she do if you came clean right now? Right here? Zap you and turn you back in? Kill you? If you really believed she’d actually kill you, maybe you’d tell her. Let her do the thing you keep chickening out of. Take the choice out of your hands.

“You keep saying I don’t get it, Ari.” Ortega’s voice dips, hurt? Serious? “So, explain. Talk to me. Make me get it. Please.” Ortega’s voice by your ear is too much. You’ve got to… you’ve got to move. Get out. If only it was as simple as running away.

You test the railing in your hand. “W-why don’t we, uh, why don’t we walk?” You glance behind you, then up and down the promenade. No obvious witnesses you can detect. You vault over the railing and pick your way down across the rocks of the jetty. Behind you, the sounds of Ortega scrabbling over the railing after you.

“Not planning on a swim, I hope.” Ortega picks her way from stone to stone after you.

You shake your head, glance back while you let her catch up. “I don’t swim,” not in this body, “I– I just wanted privacy.”

Ortega looks at you, not quite smiling, not quite frowning. The wind pulls at your hair, clothes. “Not much more private than this, ‘less you count the seagulls.”

You take a breath, try to steady yourself. “Look Ortega, I – I…”

You wilt, look away. This isn’t the time. Sooner or later you’ll have to give up this delusion but you can’t bring yourself to jump just yet. Just… Just a little longer. One more day even. “I have my reasons. I’m sorry. I– I can’t talk about it.”

Ortega watches as you carefully balance yourself from one rock to the next, the wind blowing your shawl around your body in waves that mimic the sea. “Not ever?”

You wince. “N-n-not yet.”

“So… someday then?”

You grit your teeth, hop rocks, teeter for a second. “D-don’t push your luck, Ortega.”

She hops to a rock next to you, flashes you a smile. “And why not?”

“One day you’ll…” You pause to pull your shawl tighter against yourself. “You’ll get more than you can handle.”

“You’d have to start talking to me first.” Ortega sounds tired as she says it, and something in your heart or your gut or both twists at the tone of her voice.

“I’m– I’m talking.” You hold your shawl shut tight, wrapped around you.

She catches your eye, tries on a smile. “It’s a start.” She holds out a hand towards you. “Well. Since we’re here, and we’re talking, I suppose I should tell you…”

You look at her hand, then up at her face, the smug smile slowly starting to grow there. “What?”

“I’d really like to kiss you.”

You blink. “Oh.”

“What?” She raises an eyebrow. “Am I not sexy enough without 36 stitches and having lost a pint of blood first?”

You can feel the heat in your face. “Th–th–that’s not it! I mean…” A jumble of words gets caught in your throat and for a moment you open your mouth and no sound comes out.

Ortega laughs, “You okay there, Ari?”

You take a breath, glare at her. “Don’t make me push you.”

She puts a hand to her chest in mock shock. “My Ari?” –You heart skips a beat– “Never.” She offers her hand, shaking it. “Well?”

A dozen different alarm bells are screaming in your head in all the ways this is even worse an idea than last time. “F-f-f-fine.” You take her hand, letting your shawl flap loose in the breeze again. And you’ve jumped the ledge. “M-maybe I’d.. I’d like that.”

Ortega laughs, “Ariadne!” You could cry at the way she says your name if you weren’t already straining to hold yourself together. “I’m not going to shoot you.” She hops onto your rock.

“Just. Shut up.” You hiss, face burning. You grab her shoulders as she pushes against you. To steady her or yourself? Both?

It’s a soft inhalation of breath and then warmth against you, every point of contact a spark demanding your attention. Hand on your back, neck, lips too close to yours. You cling to her as it gets harder to stand.

Swallow back panic. Swallow back memories of white. You are stronger than it now. You have to be. What was the point of all this otherwise? “If… If you drop me–”

She pulls you in, barely audible over the city and the waves. “I won’t. Never.”

[artificialqueens]

don't make me wait another day, chapter 1: let's stop running from love (kamasia) - holtzmanns, writworm42

A/N: Holtz: Can you all believe that Writ and I’s first collab wasn’t a Branjie one? Highkey though, they’re so wonderful and so easy to write with and are hilarious and this was so much fun. I really do love them so much and am so glad to have found such a lovely friend and fellow writer.

Writ: Holtz & I decided to finally put our shared brain cell to use and try something different! We really hope you guys enjoy this, we both love Kamasia so we’re really excited to share this :) Plus, have I mentioned how amazing Holtz is? In every author’s note? Okay. Cause she’s an amazing person to write with and I can’t wait to continue this story with her.

This was based off a tumblr post Holtz saw about a trainer & gym rat falling in love, and we thought we’d add just a dash of useless lesbian to it. Title from My My My by Troye Sivan. 

Asia requires her fair share of persuasion to actually get herself to the gym. She rolls her eyes when Monet first suggests it, retorting that she’d rather poke her eyes out with her own makeup brush than look all sweaty in front of a million strangers.

“But girl, all the other strangers are gonna be sweaty too! That’s the whole point of gym, you go be nasty with other people.” Monet rolls her eyes, dropping her gym bag in the front foyer of their apartment and ignoring the dirty look that Asia gives her for it.

“Girl please, you just like that you finally the prettiest one in the room.” Asia huffs, but Monet’s already walking into the bathroom to take a shower.

“Well if I already outshine you, then you don’t have anything to lose, right? Besides,” she pokes her head out from the bathroom door, “I got plenty of sponges with me if you want to mop all that nasty up.”

She disappears behind the door again before a couch cushion can hit her in the face.

It’s not that Asia doesn’t want to go to the gym, necessarily. She has been meaning to exercise more, become more fit. And it is true that running by herself has become quite boring, what with the same bland trails every time.

It’s just that the thought of going in front of people who look so good and are so much more experienced than her is intimidating. The idea of having them all watch her make an ugly fool of herself on equipment that she barely knows the names of makes her sick to her stomach.

Unfortunately, Monet’s girlfriend Monique is a lot more persuasive than Monet is. By persuasive, Asia means that when she’s having a lovely day off to do nothing but laze around in the apartment, thank you very much, Monique barges in with Monet in tow, announcing that they’re going to work out. She doesn’t leave until Asia is behind her carrying a duffel bag full of towels, running shoes, and a change of clothes.

“Trust me, it’s gonna be brown cow stunning.” Monique practically squeals in glee as they walk into the changing room, Asia deciding to keep her skepticism to herself.

She’s already here, after all. Might as well make the most of it.

There’s only one word that pops into Asia’s mind once they enter the gym…smelly. Smelly as hell, as if none of the gym goers have ever washed their workout clothes in their lives.

Monet waves her hand in front of Asia’s wrinkled nose. “No different from your nasty ass socks when you come back from your runs.”

“Rude.”

Monet snickers, ignoring the shove that Asia gives her and following Monique towards the elliptical machines.

“The hell is this?” The machine looks like a death trap, like it’s gonna fling her off should she try and step onto it.

Monique waltzes past her, gracefully climbing onto the machine. “ This,” Monique starts with a flourish, “is an elliptical. Your fat ass never been on one before?”

“Oh, for Heaven’s sakes.” Asia mutters, climbing onto the one next to Monique as Monet snickers. She can beat these ridiculous death machines easily.

It turns out, in fact, that Asia cannot.

Monet pats her arm sympathetically as she leads Asia towards the treadmills. “Maybe you won’t fall off of this one as fast.”

Asia huffs. She’s tired of this stinky, sweaty, idiotic-

Well.

Asia was.

But beside the row of treadmills is a squat rack, and standing by that squat rack is a woman in a muscle top that’s hugging her visible abs and leggings that show off her…assets. Asia isn’t one to stare or objectify, but the woman and her damn high ponytail that cascades down her back are making it incrediblydifficult to be nice and respectful.

The woman is spotting a rather sweaty looking guy who looks like he’s about to pass out any minute. Asia wrinkles her nose. Probably the source of the damn smell of this joint. The woman takes his spot next, demonstrating the move that she wants him to do and the way she squats and sticks her ass out (an ass that’s perhaps facing the treadmill that Asia is on), Asia nearly misses a step and falls off.

“Shit!”

She catches herself with her arms against the railings of the treadmill, a string of swear words leaving her mouth that she hopes aren’t audible to the dreamboat woman a couple meters away from her. Who, to her credit, is still doing squat reps with a weighted bar resting along her back and shoulders.

Okay, so she’s safe; the woman probably didn’t hear, or see. Good.

Only then, Asia looks up again, looks back one more time ( why did she look back one more time?), and notices the woman looking in her direction. Staring. Quickly gliding her eyes away when she sees Asia looking back. Aww.

Asia’s nerves disappear, and she does what anyone else would do when they catch a shy, pretty girl staring at them.

She waits for the girl to look again, and then she smiles.

Kameron is the epitome of smooth. She really is, as evidenced by the way that she completely misses Dave’s (or is it Steve’s?) question. They’re reaching the end of the hour, anyway. His training session is going to be done any minute as it is.

“Pardon?” She puts on the most polite voice she can, because Dave/Steve is all tired and sweaty and not in a good mood after Kameron made him do entirely more burpees than necessary. Along with the fact that he pays at the register after the session is over, so she wants to keep him happy.

“I said,” the man huffs in between sips of his water, “can we do these next week with lighter weights?”

“You want to go lighter?” Kameron raises an eyebrow. It’s not that she’s surprised, per se. It’s just that most men that she trains always feel like they have something to prove with her once they see her muscles.

Dave/Steve (she really needs to figure out his name) tries to get up, but falls back against the seat of the leg press machine. “I think you nearly killed me this time, Miss.”

“Told you, my name’s Kameron, not ‘Miss’.” Kameron can’t help her snippy tone. Screw keeping him happy.

She helps him up regardless, though, keeping him from falling on his shaky legs as he hobbles towards the changing rooms. It’s only then that she allows herself to peek back up at the woman by the treadmills.

Who is smiling at her.

Kameron nearly drops her clipboard, catches it with a slew of curse words that leave her mouth. She looks back up and the woman looks like she’s trying not to laugh, and Kameron can’t help the blood rushing to her cheeks.

She’s smooth. Real smooth. Incredibly smooth.

Kameron watches as the woman hops off her treadmill, looking like she’s glistening rather than breaking a sweat. Who actually looks good at the gym? The woman strides closer to her, and Kameron has to resist the urge to step backwards, because talking to pretty girls for the first time is not her forte. The woman, however, has other ideas.

Oh God. She’s walking towards her. The pretty woman is walking towards her.

She’s smooth. Real smooth. She can do this.

“Hi there!” The woman smiles again, her dimples and white teeth ( God , she has white teeth, how does she have such white teeth?) even more stunning up close.

Kameron can do this. She can do this.

“You a trainer here?”

She can’t do this.

“Um…uh…Hi. Yes. Trainer. I’m a trainer, yes.” Kam watches the other woman’s smile grow even wider at her stumbling, and has to stifle another stream of curses from spilling out of her mouth. She coughs, taking the opportunity to hide her face in her elbow and regain composure.

“What can I do for you?”

“Well, I’m looking for a trainer, and I just saw you working with that guy, so I thought I might inquire about you, ah…”

She’s looking for her name. The pretty woman is looking for her name.

“Oh! Um…Kam. Everyone just calls me Kam.” As she says it, she realizes that her name is literally sewn into her shirt, and she reddens.

God damn, this woman knows what she’s doing.

“Well hi, Kam! I’m Asia.” The woman extends a hand, and Kameron takes it, once again reddening when she feels how fucking soft the woman’s hands are, even slick with sweat.

Kam doesn’t even wipe her hand on her shorts.

“Nice to meet you, Asia.” Kam smiles, knowing her own plain, regular teeth don’t measure up, hoping that Asia won’t mind too much. Thankfully, Asia doesn’t seem to–instead, she just nods.

“Pleasure’s all mine, baby.”

Oh God. She called her baby.

“So… Can I schedule a session with you some time?”

“Oh, yes please.”

Oh, for Lord’s sake.

“Um, I mean… I’m free next week on Thursday at 3?”

“Well, that’s a coincidence!” Asia giggles, flipping her hair a little. Jesus fucking Christ. “So am I. So see you Thursday at 3?”

Against her better judgment, Kameron nods. “See you then.”

It’s only when Asia walks away that reality truly hits Kameron. She is completely, utterly fucked, and somehow, she doesn’t mind.