#[unironically stressed myself with this ask]

[thecomicallytragicgangle]

IS XEYA IN LOVE WITH YOU CHECK HER ACC!!!!! LOOK AT HER NEWEST POST!!!!!

[well, yeah, course she loves me]

[we're dating]

[btw congrats for being the only anon to notice the soup lore . anyway off i go into the night]

[southparktexts]

hi bby! saw ur reqs are open and ur inbox in empty!! so lemme get main three with a makeup gf who wants to do their makeup/skincare :3

AAAA OMG ITS BAE !!! HII BABE ABSOLUTELY YOU ANGEL !!

Doing Makeup on the Main 3

stan;

- okay, you know that episode where stan has a band and he plays a song abt him hating living on a farm?

- if you get it you get it

- you unironically already do his makeup for him

- but not full face though

- you help him with eyeliner on his under eyes

- i can see you bringing up the subject

- one day you were hanging in your room

- stan resting his head on your lap as you play with his hair silently

- eventually you got bored.

“stannnn can i do your makeup?”

“..why? im not performing anytime soon.”

“please..?”

“..fine”

- okay some headcannons time

- you do his makeup on his lap

- you’re doing concealer and he’s rambling to you about a fight with his dad.

- actually kinda stress relieving to him.

- i can see him as a cautious boyfriend when you do his foundation.

“ah- not the eyes..”

“careful.. the beanie..”

- also will slightly regret it..

“this is so gay.. you’re lucky i love you.”

- he doesn’t want to admit that he loves it.

- after you’ve cooked you show him and he gives you a ‘good job’ nod and kisses your forehead.

“..okay get this off me.”

kyle ;

- hear me out, kyles always had a fascination with makeup.

- i can see kyle watching his mom do her makeup and just being so interested.

- naturally, he was curious to see what he would look like with makeup.

- one day he was over at your house, you guys had a date planned in a few hours and you were doing your makeup

- kyle being kyle he watched, noticing how you grew more and more frustrated with your eyeliner.

- wiping it off with a q-tip aggressively.

- he continued watching as he thought to himself

- ‘if only she had someone to practice on..”

- he turned out to be the perfect person.

- he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheeks.

“do you wanna practice on me, love?”

“wait.. really?”

- the way your eyes light up, it made him want to ask that question all the time just to see your reaction again and again.

- while you’re doing his makeup he’ll ask you questions.

“soo is this.. blush..?”

“no baby this is concealer”

“oh.. what does that do?”

- he actually was interested and learnt a lot from you

“so now we’re going to use some setting spray.”

“oh i think my mom uses that!”

- off topic but he definitely remembers your shade and buys you makeup pallets and new products.

kenny;

- okay. okay. LET ME COOK.

- so as a juggalo myself, juggalos have events called ‘gathering of the juggalos’

- kenny and you were conveniently going to this event.

- as an icp fan its important to have the iconic black and white clown makeup!

- although you and your boyfriend were over at your house getting ready.

- when you saw kenny using bad drugstore makeup to do his clown face.

“uh.. ken?”

“yea hun?”

“do you want me to do that for you?”

“sure darl’”

- you had to scrub that shit off his face but it was so worth it.

- in the middle of you doing the white foundation you had just done prior on his face he’ll lean in a kiss you

“kennn!! no kisses”

“sorry doll, can’t help it.”

- the most laidback of all the boys

- will randomly kiss you all over

- but he doesn’t stay still when you’re doing the clown features in black.

- after your done cooking, you show him in the mirror.

- he does some silly poses, making you laugh and kisses your forehead.

“i love it my little juggalette”

“i love you to my juggalo”

reqs are open !! also i cooked wtf??

[lakesbian]

taylor hebert is so fucking funny. she will be out there committing war crimes nobody knew it was even possible to commit, inventing brand new ways to violate the geneva convention for the greater good, as casually as humanly possible. she saw a real life trolley problem, immediately yanked the switch, broke it off so nobody could put it back the other way, and then piled fifty more people onto the tracks while thinking "you know if i sat down with them over some tea we could probably sort this out and they might even agree to do it voluntarily. anyway i'm not asking them to do anything i wouldn't do myself" (fucked up part is she's being 100% truthful). and then when said people start having stress-induced heart-attacks due to the oncoming train she's like. Oh SHIT. I forgot that people who aren't me (insane) (stabbed leviathan in the ass with a magic toothpick) (unironically tried to fight god with krill while my intestines were falling out) generally don't do very well about stress when god is trying to melt their faces off! there's so so much wrong with her it's incredible. she literally starts calling the people she's turning into some kind of fucked-up battle-siphonophore 'creatures.' she specifically is a spiteful little cockroach who will keep trying to shank her enemies even if you cut her head off and she subsequently unfortunately sort of forgot that most people die upon being decapitated. incredible. i love her.

[mothocean]

Saw another post talking abt mechs-related dreams so here are some of mine!!

- someone found a 'mechanisms valentine's special' which was mostly centred around ivy (with marius and raph having short cameos) and was filmed in a set decorated with red and pink hearts and white keyboards??? for some reason??? I don't remember what actually happened in the special but i do remember that there was also a behind-the-scenes video of ivy's actor singing something as he assembled the set. The whole thing felt very personal somehow

- i was in an important school gathering or something and also scrolling through instagram on my phone (for some reason), when i saw a post from jonny saying that he's getting the mechs back together. I was so devastated when i woke up from that one

- i was watching the mechs preform ulysses dies at dawn live in someone's backyard (i think it was my literature teacher's??? Idk she was there somehow), and when they got to ties that bind my pov shifted from being in the audience to being raphaella??? And then jonny handed me an electric guitar. So i performed ties that bind with an epic guitar solo during which i flew over the audience and did cool tricks in the air. I unironically wish we had epic guitar solo ties that bind now.

- this was the most recent-ish one i think??? I was hosting a party at my house and the mechanisms were there. Not as like the band they were actual party guests. And so me, ashes, raph, ivy and a few other people idr were just sitting on the floor of my living room and chatting. I think my mom was also there sitting on the couch and talking to brian??? Anyway at some point ashes said something about struggling to find a house with good air conditioning and i asked if anyone wants me to turn the ac on and they all said yes. But when i tried to turn the ac on, the remote for it glitched and showed nonsense text instead of temperatures. I kept getting more and more stressed that it wasn't turning on bc i felt like i was embarrassing myself in front of ashes until i woke up

[catholic-on-main]

thank you so much for your blog lol. i've unironically learned a lot from it. i'm 17 and interested in becoming a catholic. i read the new testament and i believe it, i try to pray and learn more about christianity as much as i can, and from the research i've done on different christian denominations i think catholicism seems the most correct & resonates with me the most. never been to church though yet, but i plan on going when i move out lol. but i'm from a secular/ethnically jewish background and i'm nervous to talk to the people in my life about wanting to convert to christianity, because they think religious people are stupid and misguided and that christians are bible-thumping rednecks with no critical thinking skills basically. my friends make fun of christians a lot, and my dad doesn't want to take me to church while i live with him. i've also realized i am more conservative-leaning, for lack of a better word, on issues such as transgender and abortion, though honestly i never thought these were good things on my own but got peer pressured into supporting them. but my area is so liberal/secular and people constantly talk about these issues in ways i very much disagree with or make fun of religious people and i just stay quiet because i'm too much of a coward to say that i'm the person they're talking about. i feel like i would lose a lot of my friends online and irl if i started talking about the impact christianity has had on me and how much it means to me. i know christians are supposed to be open about their beleifs and be able to explain and defend them. i want to explain to people that i want to be a christian and that i don't mean any harm for having different beliefs from them, but i'm honestly too scared to lose my friends. do you have any advice for this situation? (i'm sorry for the long ask!!!)

Anon, thank you for the kind words! I'm glad that my blog was able to help you out. I'm sorry you're in that kind of situation. It's definitely difficult to be in that position, and it's very scary.

I recommend looking into videos on catholic apologetics (how to explain and defend your faith to others). Father Mike Schmitz has lots of videos explaining different aspects of the catholic faith, and I highly recommend his videos! I watch them fairly regularly myself, as he's energetic and can break down difficult subjects into smaller pieces. I also recommend looking into catholic groups you can attend for support. Local churches tend to have groups for young adults that can range from Bible studies to more casual hang-outs. If you cannot attend these due to your family, then look online! There are groups on social media and apps like Discord that can be a healthy access point for others of the faith. You can also reach out to local churches via e-mail to get in contact with someone who can talk to you and get you any resources you might be looking for.

As for difficulties with friends, that's probably the scariest thing. First off, do not feel responsible for changing their mind. If you strive to live your life as a good example of the faith, then you've done your best. Pray a lot over it! I pray rosaries often when I am stressed out about something. I find the repetition helps soothe my anxieties. Ask that you might find the words to best use in your conversations. And feel free to ask others to pray for you as well! You are not in this alone, though it may feel like it. Going into a conversation, ask that they be respectful and hear you out, and say that you will be respectful in return. Make it clear that you aren't accusing or attacking them. If they come at you with questions that you struggle to answer, you are absolutely able to say that you aren't certain how to answer at the moment, and you can get back to them later after you look into that topic. Especially since you are rather new to the faith, but even people raised catholic can struggle with how best to address certain concerns.

Your situation is difficult, and I'm sorry if my response does not seem super helpful or instructive. While I have lost friends in the past due to my faith, it was more of a gradually growing apart rather than direct confrontation, so I don't have the same experiences. I will be praying for you. Feel free to contact me again if you'd like.

And if any mutuals or followers of mine have some of their own advice, especially those who converted to the faith, you all are absolutely welcome to reblog with your experiences!

[wartakes]

When Domestic Politics Become a National Security Concern (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was originally posted on June 29th, 2022 - not long after the verdict overturning Roe v. Wade was handed down by the Supreme Court.

Basically, this was me commenting on how I increasingly see crossover between the world I operate in (national security, defense, etc.) and the domestic political environment in the United States - which is needless to say, NOT A GOOD THING.

(Full essay below the cut).

I hope for a lot of things these days. I hope for better things for myself, for my friends and family and loved ones, for people all over the world at large.

But more than anything, I really just wish we could stop having history for just a day or two.

Like, fucking really. Can it just take a smoke break? I’d really like to write one of these about something else for a change instead of whatever event is sucking my soul out that month and it feels like there’s been even more of that already this year than the last couple years combined.

The big event most recently of course was the U.S. Supreme Court overturning its own prior decision on Roe vs. Wade, stripping nationwide abortion rights and immediately putting the lives of countless women at risk. As if this wasn’t bad enough in its own right, it seems that there are troubling signs on the horizon for what the majority-Republican appointee court has its sights on next when it comes to stripping away rights that many of us thought were settled at this point. Needless to say, it’s been an utterly demoralizing week for myself and just about everyone I know.

Now, you may be asking yourself: “KomodoDad, why are you writing about this here? Aren’t you a war guy? Why are you going on about domestic politics?” First of all: if you really are unironically asking that, go fuck yourself, I’ll write about what I want to. Second: all of this is fast becoming a national security issue and that’s really bad and we should all be concerned (that is, those of us who haven’t already been concerned for a long time now).

I started thinking about this on the friday that the Roe decision was passed down and it festered in my head even more over the weekend that followed. I could see it not only in the reaction of victorious right-wing forces celebrating their accomplishment and lashing out further at their opponents, or in the various police crackdowns on people rightfully showing their displeasure at this rollback of bodily autonomy. I also saw it just in the reactions of people I know, a great many of them struggling to keep from saying something that would get them banned off of social media or worse. Even more than I saw during the George Floyd protests of 2020, I’ve seen this bubbling rage coming to the surface in so many people who A.) haven’t been prone to outrage before; and B.) aren’t all necessarily leftists or as far left as some of us are online.

I look at the pattern we’re locked in, with a powerful and vocal right-wing minority continuously ramming through its agenda even when the majority of Americans oppose it, and that majority of people getting more and more frustrated when nothing seems to be done to try and roll it back, and I suddenly get very concerned. I get concerned because I am a national security weirdo, and when I look at what’s going on now and I look at what’s been going on the past five, ten, twenty years, I start to see patterns that if I noticed them in a foreign country I’d be going “uh oh, that doesn’t bode well for them.” Basically, it feels like more and more of our domestic political issues are turning into national security concerns due to their intractability and that’s not good.

I want to stress before I go any deeper that I’m going to try and not make this a doomer piece. I speak every other minute about how I abhor doomerism in all its forms and that’s the last feeling I want to encourage with my writing. But I do want this essay to be something that at least makes you feel concerned if you weren’t already and motivate you to action. I’ve actually avoided writing about this topic for a while to be perfectly honest with you. I’ve seen more than a few articles and several recent books about the possibility of Civil War II and by and large I’ve felt they’ve been scare pieces trying to make a quick fear buck. While I’ve admittedly still had a low-level concern about that sort of thing, it’s been just that: low. I hadn’t yet felt a need to address it. But after this past week, I think I’ve finally felt like it’s necessary to talk about the risk of civil conflict for everyone’s sake because I feel shit like what’s happened with Roe is only going to keep coming hotter and heavier and we need to understand what we’re dealing with if we’re going to do anything about it.

Worrying Signs

As usual, I feel the need to define some terms and explain some of my concepts a bit more. If I casually say “everything is national security now” with no context, that can be taken a lot of ways. After all, national security and national defense do touch upon or are connected to multiple corners of our economy and day to day lives, even if we don’t always see it. When I say “everything is national security now” what I mean is that more and more political issues are rising to the level of contention or intractability where they carry with them a threat of widespread violence – be that violence against civilians, the state, or whatever or whoever else. They start to rise to the level that they’re disrupting or preventing the carrying out “good governance” (or whatever might pass for it) and all the things we might consider part and parcel of being a “normal”, peaceful, functional country. Things as simple as being to go to the grocery store or go to school or wherever without the threat of getting merc’d being off the scale. They rise to that level because their intractability prevents any kind of solution through existing non-violent channels for whatever reason – such as those channels being flawed and broken, or just being plain non-existent in some cases.

This is nothing new (unfortunately). We’ve seen this before to varying degrees. The most notable and destructive instance of this in American history is of course the original U.S. Civil War, where the issue of slavery became so intractable that it could not be resolved by peaceful means and became a violent conflict when the South took up arms in defense of it (if anyone ever tries to tell you it was about “states’ rights” just ask “states’ rights to what, motherfucker?). Other examples also exist at varying scales and intensity of violence. The Whiskey Rebellion of 1791 against the Federal government and its powers of taxation is one example, which involved a large-scale Federal and state military response but very few killed or injured. There are of course, other examples that don’t quite rise to the level of civil war or outright rebellion from multiple periods of American history, such as violence against activists in the Civil Rights movement. Another pertinent example in light of the Roe vs. Wade decision is the history of attacks – sometimes deadly – on abortion providers in the U.S. (which have consequently skyrocketed over the past year in case you were wondering).

So, yes: certain political issues becoming increasingly unsolvable by peaceful political means and becoming security issues as well as political issues is not new. However, whenever it happens, it should still be cause for concern even if its “mild”, because it signals greater problems afoot. In that vein, if you start getting more and more issues that are becoming security issues all at the same time, it stands to reason you should be even more concerned. That’s why I feel it’s even more cause for worry now due to the fact it feels like more and more issues are all reaching that point simultaneously in recent years.

There’s also the matter of the way in which the issues become intractable or contended, because sometimes it creates the false impression that the problem is no one is “compromising” or finding “middle ground” like “adults” (or at least that’s what braindead columnists in major newspapers are trying to get us to believe). With many of our “controversial” issues today, there often seems like there’s actually a majority of people who are in favor of some kind of progressive change or action. We’ve seen this with gay marriage, abortion rights, gun control, and with multiple other issues that we’re told are “controversial.” The problem is that the minority of those who oppose any positive change on these issues are mostly unwilling to cede any ground what-so-ever; with more and more issues are seen by them as being hills to die on (or kill on). Even mild amounts of change are cause for outrage and screaming bloody murder, as we’ve seen with what it took to pass even lukewarm gun violence legislation in the aftermath of multiple mass shootings this year (and the reactions to said lukewarm legislation from some on the right). Every single political battle becomes one that these reactionaries want to fight to the death over (both figuratively and – increasingly – literally).

And that’s what they are: reactionaries. Don’t let these people fool you into thinking that they’re only “conservatives.” This is not to say that conservatives are necessary “good”, but this just isn’t what they are. A philosophical conservative (on paper) isn’t supposed to necessarily be opposed to all change, but only wants gradual, limited, incremental change (the subtext here for anyone on the left of course, being, that they want that change so that they can “manage” it and maintain power and privileges in the process). But reactionaries want to actively turn the clock back and re-fight past battles that they’ve lost. It’s not just good enough for them to slow down change or even halt change, they want to go back and undo change to fit their own worldview.

The Rachet Effect of Rage

Therein lies another problem, because the deadlock we’re in isn’t really even strictly a deadlock. Movement is certainly possible, but it feels as if the only movement we can achieve lurches us further to the right. You’ve probably heard this described before by people more politics savvy than I am: the idea of the rachet effect; where the design of the political system prevents moving back to the left and only allows movement to the right. It becomes harder and harder to dismiss as you have the Democratic Party – the supposed guardians against the sort of setbacks we’re experiencing (if their campaign literature is to be believed) the party currently in power, failing to do anything to substantively improve our material conditions while continuing to allow the right to drag us further into their corner despite not even supposedly being in power anymore. The Democratic Party seems fundamentally incapable of exercising power once it has notionally achieved it, while the Republican Party has spent the last two to four decades building up power and institutions in such a way that it can continue to wield power even when it is – on paper – still in the opposition.

That brings us to the situation we’re in. Where when we’re not at a standstill, we’re being ratcheted further to the right with various court challenges and other manipulations of the structures of power by the right. Any attempt to move further to the left is blocked or thwarted by the mechanisms developed by the intractable and reactionary right – be it the Republicans or various other far-right groups that have sprung up like mushrooms in the past decade – and aided by the incompetence, unwillingness, or even outright complicity of the liberal establishment. This is a situation that has left many – myself included – feeling disenfranchised and powerless to act on our own or to convince those in power to act positively.

You may not remember, but I’ve written about this sort of thing before in a different context, when I discussed insurgency and counterinsurgency and our failings in understanding it. Insurgencies, rebellions, civil wars – all the various kinds of intrastate violence, start when domestic political grievances become unresolvable by peaceful means. Eventually, at least some of those who are advocating those grievances – after it’s become clear they have no way of affecting change or even negotiating for the possibility of change under the current systems – feel that they are forced to take up arms and use violence in order to do so.  

Maybe now, if you weren’t already concerned with the buildup of impotent rage many in this country are feeling at the same time that those on the right seem more than willing to resort to violence to drag us back in time and keep us there, you might start to understand why I am.

As the right dig in deeper with their extreme stances, you have the opposing current of everyone else who want change slamming up against them. While the right stands as a bulwark against change while shoving everyone else backwards, the frustration and the rage of everyone else builds. What happens when you have more and more people who aren’t somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan increasingly feel they have no other way to try and stop it or to improve things the way the system is currently constituted? What happens when they feel voting does nothing, that politicians aren’t willing to engage with them, and where it feels like any other response ends up with them being beaten and tear gassed? You can fill in the blanks. It’s not good.

All is Not Lost

If you know me, you know I don’t like treating the future as written in stone. Time is not, in fact, a flat circle. We do all still have agency. We can still affect things in the world around us. We are not absolutely doomed to a certain large-scale conflagration of civil violence and destruction along with all manner of other misery. We are not completely powerless to stop events. There are reasons for hope. But if things don’t change in a big way, if enough people don’t act and soon, we’re definitely on the road to something bad.

I have no idea what that something could potentially be and no one else can be absolutely sure either – so if anyone else tries to give you any prediction other than a series of plausible possibilities, take it with a large grain of salt. I don’t want to get too deeply into those because I don’t want to scare or depress you any more than you absolutely need to be right now. All I will say is it could be anywhere from something as high-key and violent as the Syrian Civil War, to something more on the level of Italy’s “Years of Lead” or the Northern Irish “Troubles.” A lot of that really depends on what happens more in the years to come/years preceding any hypothetical conflict (which again, is not certain to occur). But even if only the “less bad” types of civil conflict break out, it would still be horrific for large swathes of society and the world at large. We shouldn’t want any of that in any shape or form.

Again, I try not to be alarmist or doomsaying – the exact opposite, in fact. What I’m telling you today is not meant to fill you with dread for the sake of dread; it is not meant to black pill you or turn you into a nihilist or a doomer. What I want to do is simply drive home the seriousness of the times we’re in – to reinforce what the last few years have taught us: that this is not just a game, or a temporary phase that will eventually fizzle out on its own. We are, in fact, in a real crisis. We are in a Wikipedia article that has not been written yet – or exists and is going to be retitled sometime in the near-future. How that article will read in the future is on all of us. This is meant to be a drive to action to try and improve this situation and prevent it from spiraling further out of control, not an attempt to get fear clicks and paralyze you with foreboding. We need to channel our fear, our anger, our frustration; channel it into meaningful action.  

Part of me isn’t entirely convinced we’re not already well into the early stages of what might be some kind of civil conflict. That with all the mass shootings, street brawls, and other violence, we may already be in some kind of “Years of Lead” or “Troubles” or Weimar Republic-esque disorder. If that’s the case, that only reinforces the call to action to make sure that the conflict we may or may not already be in does not progress to more destructive phases – not only destructive for us as people living in this country, but destructive for the effects it would undoubtedly have on the entire world due to the centrality of the United States in its day-to-day affairs. We owe it to not just ourselves, but to all people everywhere out of solidarity.

What are some of the things we can do now? A lot of the things we need to do are things people have already been telling us to do and that we need to double down and commit more to as we move ahead. Getting to know your neighbors and your community and participating in mutual aid; joining, starting, and supporting progressive organizations be they labor unions, advocacy groups for specific topics or general change, or organizations that help people get resources that they may not be able to usually access; participating in direct action and pressure campaigns when necessary; also, while we’ve learned that voting alone doesn’t bring about change, I’d still say that it’s something we cannot ignore as a too (I’m not going to give you an electoralism lecture because I don’t buy into that myself, but voting isn’t a useless gesture and is critical to prevent more backsliding, with some of the progressive victories we’ve seen this year being proof of that).

I know that last paragraph is a very generalized, non-specific list of suggestions. In my defense, at the end of the day, I am still a national security and international relations professional, not a domestic political animal. There are people out there you can and will give you more specific and helpful advice on this front that I can. I just want to make sure that you’re taking home that there is a real urgency to seek out said advice and guidance and act on it. All is not lost, do not despair; but know that the pressure is real and the need for action is real. I leave you with this: all of our lives have intrinsic value; when something has value, you fight to defend it.

Stay safe out there and keep on keeping on.

[doodle17]

Dion song associations - lightning round!

"Line Without a Hook" By Ricky Montgomery; water themings and longing vibes made me just kinda latch this song onto Dion for no real reason. it vibes.

"The Kids Aren't Alright" by Fallout Boy; this one vibes so hard actually. I don't have an infodump as to why it's connected I just think the refrain fits Dion pretty well.

"Semi-Automatic" by 21 Pilots. "The family will be better off when YOU'RE out!" Dion you mean little bitch. You mean little asshole I am going to crumple you like a piece of paper. Oughhhh

"Dazed & Confused" by Ruel is such a HUGE Dion/Gisu song to me. Just. Dion grappling with his bigotry and what Gisu's actually like,,, the BRIDGE oh my godddddd this is. You get the vibes right

"Painkiller" by Ruel. idk man something about the vibes. The slow dance feeling of this song. The "Heartbreaks, headaches / the doctor says I'm diagnosed with / shit days, mistakes / but I'll be fine." Do you get my vision do you feel the vibes.

"Wrecking Ball" by Mother Mother. Just. Dion making these awful little mistakes that hurt his loved ones because she's an emotionally repressed teenager with Issues. Feeling remorse over how she's not as good an older sibling as she wants to be. hhhhhhh

"Trampoline" by The Front Bottoms. Dion & Frazie reconnecting after the events of the games vibes, after the psychophobia and secrets and adolescent stresses pushed them apart.

"I Like Me Better" by Lauv. Kind of a joke one but like. Dion/Gisu Dion/Gisu Dion/Gisu Dion/Gisu Dion/Gisu. I am a sappy little romantic at heart and I very much love the idea of these two being able to be happy together.

"Turn Off the Lights" by Panic! At the Disco. This is mostly a vibes one but also "Our consciences are always heavier than our egos / I set my expectations high / so nothing ever comes out right" and "So I'm taking every chance I got / like the man I know I'm not" and "I need a little sympathy / disarm my insecurities" LIKE DO YOU SEE IT. DO YOU SEE MY VISION

"Forest" by 21 Pilots. Something about these lyrics just,,,, I might have to do a full infodump on the vibes I get and the animatic I imagine but stuff like "I don't want to be heard / I want to be listened to" and "I took some food for thought / it might be poisoned / the stomach in my brain / throws up onto the page" and like. The whole bridge but especially "Something happened to my imagination / this situation's becoming dire / my treehouse is on fire / and for some reason I smell gas on my hands" and Dion growing up too fast because of her parentification. I just. I just. oughhh

"I/Me/Myself" by Will Wood; GENDERFLUID DION GENDERFLUID DION GENDERFLUID DION

"Be Nice to Me" by The Front Bottoms. This is also a "Raz is babey and tired after the games" song to me but like. It also vibes to Dion so so well, like just "There are certain things you ask of me / and there are certain things I'll lack / the beginning we were winning / now I'm just making up facts" and "I try to write you poems, but the words they don't make sense / The hand tries to grip the pencil, but the fingers are too tense / I try to show emotion, but my eyes won't seem to wet / I'd love to tell you stories, but I can't remember how they went" and then just. "I think you're changing / Don't worry you don't gotta stay the same" and Dion slowly coming around to everything that's happened, to Raz' embracing of his powers. I just. Yeah this is a huge song for the Aquatos in general but Dion brainrot go brrrr

"Glowing Eyes" by 21 Pilots; this is a vibes one but like. Dion having to work through their issues.

"Trapped in the Thought of Free" by Faith Marie. No I have no idea how to explain it but it vibes I swear. Dion would listen to this unironically and also it vibes with his character trust me

"prom queen" by beach bunny. You can't tell me this song doesn't vibe with Dion Aquato I will not hear it. I'm too busy having fun with the knowledge that this song vibes with Dion Aquato and he would unironically listen to this.

"Way Less Sad" by AJR. Yeah it's really easy to make AJR songs vibe but like. This one definitely vibes with Dion. She's getting better but it's slow. It's not an easy process.

"Prom Dress" by Mxmtoon. Do you see my vision. Do you see it. "I keep collections / of masks upon my wall / to keep myself from / revealing it all / upsetting others is the last thing I would do / I keep to myself though I want to break through" and "I'm sitting here / crying in my prom dress / I'd be the prom queen / if crying was a contest / makeup is running down / feelings are all around / how did I get here / I need to know" DO YOU SEE MY VISION. DO YOU SEE THE VIBES

"Demons & Angels" by Marina. Another vibes one but trust me it fits I swear. "Try to change / but I can't get a grip / wondering if I was born like this" and just. the entire fucking song are you getting these vibes

"World's Smallest Violin" by AJR. I think about that ending bit so much. I think about it and my Dion brain ideas so much. And like. Yeah Dion's got issues but so does the whole family!! So Dion feeling like his issues are small and unimportant in comparison to everyone else's but still needing to vent. mm

"MANiCURE" by Lady Gaga. Again this is both vibes and "Dion would listen to this and enjoy it. Dion would sing this to themself under their breath while working" and I am RIGHT.

"Sorry About Your Parents" by Icon For Hire. This is another vibes one, mostly the whole vibe of "yeah shit sucks but you can't just lay around crying about it because that's no way to live" and how that fits Dion in my mind. Also the song is a bop.

"Pieces" by Icon for Hire because yes. This fits Dion so so well oh my godddddd like just. "You can fight just like you've been taught / it won't undo the life you've got / Cause the pieces won't pick up themselves you know" and "You're not running just enough of a wreck / to hold the hurt heart everybody expects" and I'm going to explode this is such a Dion song to me AUGH

"Venom" by Icon for Hire. Yes I know I just put down three Icon songs in a row I'm going in the order of my playlist. Anyway. "Misery, Misery is the venom in my brain" and "Don't meet their eyes, it's hypnotic / make you forget that it's toxic / caught up in all the chaotic / sold you a lie and you bought it" and "I can't tell if it's real though / Don't know if it's lethal / did we drink the poison / or just a placebo?" and "Don't look down / you won't get far / you're only as strong as you think you are" and this is a Dion song. Yes I know I didn't explain it well but you gotta trust me on this.

"Allies or Enemies" by The Crane Wives. This is a Dion & Raz reconciliation song and I will not hear otherwise. "The words I speak are wildfire and weeds / they spread like some awful damn disease / I swear I didn't mean what I said / I swear I didn't mean it" and the way that Dion's so mean to Raz, the flicker of regret on his face after telling Raz the family would be better off without him, augh augh augh. And then "Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad? / And you would always crack / and we'd both be laughing in the end" THEY USED TO BE SO CLOSE BUT "And now you're not so quick to forget" THEY'RE NOT ANYMORE. And then just,,, "I'll admit I've had my doubts / But I want to be let in, not out" and the refrain as Dion and Raz being able to reconcile and try again, ough ough aughhhhh

"Disco in the Panic Room" by Bug Hunter. Definitely a Dion song. Like. Look at this kid. Look at this kid with his struggles and anxieties and tell me that this song doesn't fit him. "If I look cool I'm fooling you / at any point you can assume / my mind's computing every path that screws up what I wanna do" and "I made a promise / now I feel nauseous... I'm honestly exhausted" and "The things that I can't shoulder well / I pass onto my older self / and hope I learn to cope so I don't end up broke or overwhelmed" and I just. this whole song is a bop and it fits Dion so well

"Problems" by Mother Mother. Dion would listen to this. Dion would vibe to this and this song lowkey vibes to him and yeah,,,

"It's Alright" by Mother Mother. DION WOULD VIBE TO THIS SONG AND I AM RIGHT. He would hear this and it would hit his chest and he'd listen to it unironically I am correct. "Oh hey / I had a night I had a day / I did one million stupid things / I said one billion foolish things / I'm not okay" like. That's a Dion line right there.

That's not every song on my playlist bc some are more AU-related or harder to explain, but it's most of them I think.

Omw to youtube music

[pixeljade]

As much as I think the greater social justice movement of the western world had to happen and has done some incredibly important things for marginalized folks such as myself, I really do think its become clear that the movement fused ironically with the fascistic, puritanical culture which it ostensibly stood against. The end result is that we now have a society which is so afraid of judgment, so pent-up, so heavily censored and surveiled, that nobody can be themselves outside of an extremely limited range. Its good that the misogynistic men who once would creepily touch co-workers now face punishment for their actions, but now merely feeling attraction to someone against their wishes is labeled a transgression by some. And as a result, admitting that attraction, even just to ask them out, feels inappropriate. I watch as younger folks retreat deeper and deeper into their anxieties, deciding unironically that they wish never to be perceived again, without ever wondering if that might be doing them more harm than good. I feel as though we're reaching some bubble that will burst into a future generation breaking any and all barriers, even the healthy ones, out of sheer frustration. And worst of all is that I dont know what can be done about it, especially without reversing the good that came with the social justice movement! Even posting this I worry someone will label me the enemy of social justice, though I cannot stress enough that this is not the case. I simply want to see humans be human again.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

question 6?

it's been amazing reading the other responses and being able to see how far you've come. I may be a little late to the bandwagon, but j can say with certainty that it's been an honor reading your fics over these last few months. Please keep being you and working hard towards the things you want to achieve (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

these are very sweet words. the best time is now! i appreciate it muchly, and i hope the rest of the year—and the next as well—treats you as kindly as you treat me

6. Favorite title you used?

the struggle of being a writer on tumblr that crossposts to ao3 is that with tumblr, asks tend to do the job that titles would. so a lot of entries on my masterlist are like cuddling with [character]. what [character] does after a long day. ways to kiss [character]. which is all well and good, my work is exactly what it says on the tin and we're all happy. i don't have to worry about titling things

now i also, and most often, crosspost to ao3 at night, when i'm tired.

in some cases that's great. in other cases i mention in an author's note that ike weighs about as much as a box of cheez-its. this is all to say that my ao3 titles are awful and bad and not nearly the same vibe as its contents, and i don't think i'd have it any other way.

dudes who only order boneless 🍗 wings close the fridge with their hips and brutal garlic disaster horrifically kills 1, injures 3.9k viewers are bangers. and who could forget the indomitable royal splash

i find that the less stress i put on myself to think of titles the better, because then i just get it done without stressing. so, like... memes.

unironically, and predictably, stars above your skin is my favorite of the intended titles.

stars above your skin is most directly a reference to ike's freckles in that fic. they're something that represents how his and reader's relationship changes once they meet up; on cameras they're hard to see and in real life the sun tends to make them more prominent. they're a reminder that he's real (non-parasocial), and the moment reader notices them in detail, they go from giddy and crushing into comfortable and in love. it also refers to the confession scenes. the failed confession is literally under the stars and his appearance is described with the context of stargazing.

"The night turns the tips of his hair bluer than usual, and the stars remind you of the freckles hidden along his creamy skin. His glasses reflect the galaxy above."

this is where i decided stars above your skin would be the title. in the proper confession, they're so at peace with one another that the bumps of this nasty ass airbnb ceiling might as well be stars, like making up for their bum confession in a romantic setting. and yes there's metaphors of his freckles being stars in there

if in pursuit to and from the sun was more eloquent it would've been a contender and more likely to win. yadda yadda the sun is a symbol for both death and hope, mysta metaphor, uh huh. it just has too many glue words in it for me to take it seriously. if it didn't take tumblr 7 minutes just to load the editor on that post i'd rename it to something better, like, idk, mastodon's sixth album or something

[unladielike]

wylan gonna wylan

                      ARE YOU VIVIAN'S TYPE?

    "Damn, I knew I already found him attractive, but I didn't think he would get that many bingos..." Vivian mutters to herself. Why, as much as she didn't desire a romantic relationship with Wylan, there was no denying the fact that he was still managed to be the sort of man she would unironically consider a ten by her own standards. "Still, the question is... is he willing to top and humiliate me?" Sure enough, her brows would then subsequently furrow.

    "Considering Wiles didn't cross out 'femsub or maledom', I wonder if he happens to at least be a switch; th-then again, maybe I'm simply getting ahead of myself... and chances are high he has no desire to rail me. Either way, I suppose this means I am permitted to touch him and platonically hold his hand without him thinking I'm too clingy! O-Only... won't he find it weird I suddenly started becoming very touchy feel-y out of nowhere?" Vivian finally shakes her head. "On second thought, I think I will ask him what his boundaries are... and stress I just really crave affection, but not actually be his girlfriend! Yup, that will totally work."

@dcviated

[theophagie]

Schoolgirl diary time but. lol. lmao even. Had a lil breakdown today. I'm not going to waste my time and attempt to take this exam tomorrow, I really tried my best to concentrate during these past few days that I felt just a little better but the situation is absolutely tragic. I think it's a little bit funny that despite everything I still have enough pride to think "yeah, there's no point in embarrassing myself in front of others just to try it out". Sad and miserable and suicidal but God Forbid we let out pride be wounded

I really wish that I could blame it all just on university (which is a hellish experience and an hellish environment) and say that my condition is all born out of stress and anxiety, I really do. This is so selfish and insensitive of me but I'm so envious of those people whose mental health problems are "just" tied to academic in/success and stuff, truly. But I'm not, so here I am, dealing year by year with this progressively worsening bullshit. I always have all the time in the world to study, but I often don't take advantage of that because half the time I feel too bad to concentrate, and the other I have to try so hard to concentrate that I end up not doing it then either. -_-. It's easier to manage and make do with certain exams, but with others it's absolute hell, and it's the reason why I struggle so much to find a graduation date. I don't have that many exams left to take, but I need consistency, which I can't reach no matter how much I try... I want to hope that my thesis won't be such a sour subject as well since it's something I was very passionate and excited about (though if you were to ask me now if I feel anything about it... :/ ), but I haven't managed to start looking for sources yet, and the deadline the professor gave me is approaching too... I just so numb and empty. Some days absolutely pass me by, I'll just blink and realise that I've wasted so much time staring at nothing, doing nothing, thinking about nothing. And I want to change, I want it so bad. So often I think to myself "tomorrow I'll go on a run, just to do something", "today I'm definitely going to study that whole chapter", and then I don't, not even if I'm not feeling as bad. I don't even know why, I just don't. And the Situation™ at home truly does not help, but that's a whooole other can of worms and I just. sigh. I personally don't generally feel comfortable with self diagnosis, but honestly without getting into Other Signs thank god that I'm definitely somewhere on the autism spectrum because at least that means that the right stimuli get me to feel things even if only a little even when the feel-like-shit carousel starts lol. "Life sucks, I want to die and I think about it every other day... but at least we have special interests ❤️" akskdkcoggj literally this (and unironically. thank god for them because they're genuinely of help)

This has to be what being stuck in one of Dante's circles of hell has to be like but. There's another exam I'm supposed to take on the 25th, and I really hope that I'll manage to get myself out of this slump and at least get through with that. Loser ass idiot -_-

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

IronPetals General Headcanons

*I am lucky to be on his soft side. He’s a total sweetheart and there’s not one day that goes by where we remind each other how much we’re in love

*Big time cuddles. Always wants to have me resting on his chest or being the bigger spoon. “Hey, I’m a big, strong man. Big strong man is the big strong spoon.” I told him we could take turns but I’ve lost that battle. It feels nice being held by him though

*He teases me with banter every now and then. But he keeps it lighthearted. I’ve learned kissing Dempsey is the best way to make him stop. He then just quietly grumbles in defeat and I swear he’s blushing a bit.

*I can’t help but hide behind my hands and giggle after every time we kiss. It just makes my heart have butterflies. “Awww. Am I too hot to handle, cupcake?”

*Can men purr? Because it sounds like he does whenever I rub his head for him when he’s stressed. I just let him rest on one of my shoulders and try to tenderly get the bad thoughts out myself

*Hardcore metal fans GO!!! We both love the genre! But he also likes classic rock, new wave and some dance stuff. I am always the one who has to rescue him from starting shit in the mosh pit.

*Songs that remind me of us:

Volbeat- I Only Wanna Be With You

Volbeat- Radio Girl (my name was said in it 😳)

Metallica- Nothing Else Matters (first wedding dance song btw)

Seether- Tonight

Only Forever- Bing Crosby

*Although I usually cook for the most part, he can at least do a phenomenal breakfast! He makes the best pancakes I’ve ever had in my life. He once tried to make heart shaped eggs and corned beef hash for me by using cookie cutters for the eggs to shape in.

*I have been making scrapbooks since I was young. I asked him to help me with my 3rd book. So no matter where we go, I’m taking pictures and taking his suggestions of what to decorate it for.

*You really think he’s going to give up his love for firearms so easily? Hell no! We usually go to the shooting range on Sundays after church (talk about contrast). He’s angry that a veteran can’t own an M16 for target practice but he’d rather be faithful to the harsh laws in our state

*Our sense of humor does share in chaos/slapstick, so when I show him my Gmod video stuff, we end up spending an hour nearly busting our lungs over stupid shit.

*He loves cats and I want him to be happy too. So I get us a Samoyed first since I’m experienced raising dogs and it’s cat friendly. We then get a calico cat to be a friendly sibling to the dog. Their names are Sammie and Clover

*We do plan to eventually raise a kid or two. But not until we enjoy some more time together just the two of us. It ends up one boy and one girl. It’s no surprise our daughter is more like her father and the son like me.

*Video games are fun but once again, zombies is left untouched. We love Mario Kart and some Nintendo games. But he appreciates boomer shooters and some puzzle games. Nothing hard though, it’s easy stuff like Peggle. He tried doing a jigsaw puzzle, took one good look at the 3 pieces he put together and said “Fuck this!”

*I have to help him cool down often if he decides to play online. Dempsey doesn’t handle the multiplayer lobbies well. With the exception of how nice TF2’s is, he’s potty mouth to the max. He’s unironically recited the navy seal copypasta (marine edition). I often have to help soothe him after feeling heated. How do I soothe him? Well that’s a bit suggestive aHEM- I’ll be bed ridden for a day or two

Overall, I’d say we are blessed to have each other and I wouldn’t want it any other way. After all we’ve fought through, he’s worth it. And I hope he’s happy knowing I’m always going to be there for him too

[calumofasgard]

I ain't reaching out, so settle down 😉. Plus, I feel like you stumbling across this would be easier for your anxiety. But as a warning, It's a long-winded roller coaster, so take ya time.

So I know you'll eventually see this, and yes, I'm talking to you. I mean, who else would still be unironically using Tumblr in 2023... but since you’re here, hey 👋, I'm glad you're doing alright. Well, I can only assume 🤷‍♂️, I like to think you are. But I know you're alive and kicking, which is always a positive. It's been a weird few years, to say the least, but I'm doing good myself. Not that you asked... but you came to my Tumblr, so it's only common courtesy.

Before I continue, however, I just wanted to make it evidently clear that you'll always be of importance to me regardless of everything. And, of course, I've thought about you. I'm not fucking psychopath... nor am I a high-functioning sociopath (sorry 😂). I hated that whole situation (which I didn't cause) and put it off as long as I could, and then shit happened. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thing is, you were as equally at fault as I was, something Aurora agreed with, which I won't go into out of respect for you both, and in the hopes that you two are able to help each other these days.

However, I will apologise for how I dealt with it. I was angry (at both you and Beth) and under a lot of stress due to a situation that I didn't want to be apart of

I know you "won't care", but calm down tough guy, cos neither do I, but you'll "be happy" to hear that relationship gets treated akin to Voldemort. The only upside from that relationship is once I got out of it, I lost eight stone

As much as I am the same person you've always known, I am nothing like the person you knew. For a start, I'm a lot mentally healthier (like I literally meditate daily, wtf? 😂). I took charge of my ADHD, and I've been on my meds for four years now? Fuck knows, but I made the wrong call at 16. Shocker, I know, but that decision fucked me up basically until I was 23. Furthermore, after going through a lot at the back end of 2019 and 2020, I finally ended up in therapy; it was about time, really. 2020 was grim af as a whole tbf tho. But my ex relationship messed me up quite a bit, more so a culmination of things than just her (a girl called Melissa; oddly Connor's ex 😬)

I got made redundant during covid, which was shit, but I'm glad it happened as I wouldn't be where I am now (Studying Politics and Philosophy at the University of Sheffield)

As I said, I'm not reaching out. Realistically it's not even a guarantee you'll read this, tbf. I mean, I know you will, but at the same time, it doesn't matter. It's more for the closure and mental clarity for myself (like setting fire to a letter) and, in reality, yourself, which I assume you've already pieced together with me unblocking you in the first place. I can understand you're anger towards me. However, I don't believe you hate me, and realistically, you can't. You can hate what happened, but what happened resulted from our actions. It wasn't the fault of a sole individual unless you want to blame Beth, then... sure.

I've only ever wished the best for you and will continue to do so. Amazingly the same goes for Aurora, but I know she couldn't give a shit, which I'm not going to argue. I'd say the same goes for Connor, but it's a given. Actually, no, I will specify out of respect, as he's several levels above you all 😂. He could hate me to his core, but he'll always be my "mildly" retarded younger brother, and y'all better be looking after him.

For one last time, I'm not reaching out. However, if you ever need anyone, I will always be there, but for now, that's been me, your "long-distance ex" Baymax, fucking off 😉

P.s. My Chem was sick

[kimtaegis]

Ngl there’s a part of me that was kinda relieved for the boys when the news dropped? Things were _finally_ getting addressed, the mystery was killed, we finally had a conclusion to this whole will-they-won’t-they mess, and I’m pretty sure the boys and HYBE thought this through enough to leave enough content for us while some of the boys were gone - which unironically made me think of this (very queer) moment right here

And I mean, granted, this ain’t my first rodeo (been a fan of kpop ever since 2012, been a self-proclaimed military wife enough times in my short lifetime), so I know how unfair it feels for the western beginners in the kpop scene to have to accept the fact that they’ll be gone for a little less than two years, but at the end of the day is not even that bad? Like, we don’t know them personally, most of us can’t afford to go to concerts anyway, we generally survive on their music and their content - which we can always go back to since they’re out there - so it truly doesn’t make the slight difference in our daily lives that they’re not doing much, yknow?

And tbh, trust me, the fomo is never as great as the uncomfortableness of having to put up with the fandom. I never really engaged with Twitter ARMYs because they always seemed way beyond the acceptable line of sanity to me, it doesn’t surprised me at all that they overreacted over the announcement. At the end of the day the only content that matters is the content that the boys or hybe themselves put out there, and the space where they do so is through their official accounts on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter, everything else is just fandom speculation - ultimately, if we’re being honest, not to be taken seriously. So there’s nothing really to be missed out on by disengaging with the twt part of the fandom. You already have your mutuals, think of them as you irl friends who enjoy the same band as you while you largely ignore the vast majority of its fandom due to the sheer impossibility of being able to talk and befriend every single fan out there - you know you’re bound to get exhausted that way, why would it be any different online?

And lastly, it’s truly a pity that tumblr is deserted and hella quiet, back in my kpop beginner days - incidentally, the same era that tumblr was A Thing - it was much more diverse and fun to experience fandom through here, but unfortunately tumblr itself dig its own grave a long time ago and that’s why we’re where we are today…we don’t have much here, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t make the most out of what we have - which is what we have been doing and will probably continue to do, not because of any sense of obligation to the band or to the fandom, but because we only really do stuff for the fun of it 🤷‍♀️ the best fandom experience, if you ask me

it was a joy to read your ask, thank you! that video link made me laugh so hard ahdhjfkahva

Oh I’m sure it’s not only a relief to many fans but also to the members themselves! Can’t imagine how stressful all of that must have been. But no more comment about this enlistment topic from me, simply because I can admit that I have no clue about these kind of politics and hence am not at all in the place to comment on any of it. Wish more fans could be that self-reflective but alas… as to the rest of your first two paragraphs – :) right? That’s also what I keep myself reminding of. Yes, I’m gonna be thinking more about how they’re doing during this time and will miss the live updates, but apart from that? Not that much will change fandom-experience-wise.

As for the fomo… argh I know you’re right, still struggle with that one though. Everything you said makes sense and sounds like the easy way out, but somehow it’s really not easy at all, at least for me? I think that there’s actually some deeper personal issues that are causing this fear to be so strong, I don’t know (yet). But it’s still good to get that little reminder that no one forces you to engage in that specific fandom space, if that makes sense. It would probably be easier to leave Twitter if tumblr would still be as lively as you described! I may be biased but I think the more sane people rather gather here instead lmao. Ironically there’s less and less of those here 💀 But yeah the whole tumblr thing is a discussion for another day, especially as a creator

[jaeyunluvr]

WE SO ARE 🤞🏽🤞🏽 being a nctzen is SO TOUGH. oh my gosh. i had to unfollow so many accounts on twitter because it just stressed me tf out. I THINK ABOUT 2018 NEOCITY EVERYDAY. black on black was so peak oh my gosh

asking unit wise is SO REAL because out of the 80 members, u know 34 are my biases

1) nct 127 bias: jaehyun (of fucking course), nct u: all of them tbh, nct dream: jeno (and haechan recently), wavy: xiaojun

okay i’m ngl, this is not the full list. cuz mark lee has had my heart for years (he’s my bf ask anyone) and i love ten and jonny and taeil and hendery and yuta and all of them. my bias fluctuates tbh

2) OH MAN. okay. nct 127: chain (or vampire unironically), nct u: deja vu or timeless, nct dream: my first and last or drippin, wavy: turn back time and love talk

other faves: golden hour, welcome to my playground, wakey wakey, misfit, 0 mile, istj, PERFUME, hello future, and so many more

honestly i have to ignore heeseung right now otherwise ill actually lose my mind

that’s so exciting!! i’m pakistani!!

BLACK ON BLACK WAS THE ERA

okay lemme just do mine as well

nct 127: jaehyun *cries*, nct dream: haechan (he's like my ult of ults), chenle ten, (my first ever nct bias and still stands high on the ult bias list) xiaojun😭 and yes mark lee does have everyone's heart, and i love hendery a lot too, and cutie jisung a lot😭😭

2. i don't know why i asked you this because i myself can never choose a fav song i listen to every damn track on every single album nct has ever made.

but here we go, nct 127: favourite, cherry bomb (queen of bridges right there), SIMON SAYS, gimme gimme, sticker (i genuinely love this song) this is like top 5 for title tracks and if it's bsides my list will not end until i put every song on it

nct u: without you, baby don't stop (this song got me into nct), volcano, round&round

nct dream: my first and last, go, glitch mode, we go up

wayv: let me love u, turn back time, moonwalk (such an underrated bop)

other faves- haertbreaker, DESIGNER, paradise, mad city, good thing, touch (bring back cute ass 127 boys), chain, city 127, lips, lipstick, welcome to my playground, mad dog, lemonade, ay-yo, DRIPPIN (i'd give my soul out for this), 119, walk you home, beautiful time, 7 days, irreplacable, ANL, saturday drip😭, broken melodie, POISONNNNN, blue wave, take off, let me love u, action figure😭 -i tried my best to shorten the list

i will TRY and ignore heeseung :)

and yayyyyy neighbourssss <;33

[keefwho]

January 25 - 2024 Thursday

10:31pm

4/10

Mom woke me up early asking if I was ready to leave with my dad into town yet but obviously I wasn't and she had nothing to do with that coordination so I don't know why she called me. I got up and took a quick shower, ate a granola bar, and made my coffee. We headed out at 7:30. On the way there, Mom called and mentioned how she was sick which made me very upset because I've asked them to tell me multiple times if someone is sick so I don't have to make unnecessary contact but they are too selfish and stupid to do that. So the trip was ruined from the start, I was stressed thinking about all the ways I might have made dangerous contact and I was in survival mode going further. I made sure not to eat anything or touch my face. We went to the DMV first and I got in very quickly but they needed my birth certificate which I didn't have so I had to leave, making the whole trip a waste. We stopped by this place to pick up something for mom and I went pee in there. Then we went to the local grocery store and it was very nice in there. I bought a cake for mom's upcoming birthday. Then we left for home.

When I got home I took a shower and changed clothes. I wiped down everything that needed it and put Sporticus in the kennel since she was at the house all day. Unfortunately I might have to keep her mostly in there for a few days and then bathe her. I joined Trevor's VC today finally since he happened to be in there early and I played Kerbal. Also prepared a rice a roni lunch. I left to go eat and watch camping videos. I made a plan to work for one hour which I did in David's server. I finished this silly Ezlo pic and a pic of Daisy and I. A couple of guys in there started getting annoying constantly asking me to draw comedic things ironically. A couple guys asked me unironic art questions too. After work, I spent a little more time on my project and left to play Kerbal and chill. During that, Daisy wanted to Just Dance so I joined that for a few dances. Then we switched to Minish Cap while I played more Kerbal. I made a Minimus lander that went to 6 different biomes and came back. Daisy beat the ice temple which had a very tedious boss fight. In bed I played more Kingdom Hearts.

Today has largely been bad. Town was very annoying and more importantly, my parents not respecting my wishes has been annoying. I realized today that they are the main reason I don't take myself seriously because they never did. Not only them though, basically every adult figure in my life treated me like I was stupid or unimportant until I was in my mid twenties, and by that point I didn't know how to handle any other response. So now I have to learn to rewire outdated ways of thinking about myself and others so I can learn to treat myself with respect and really appreciate the good people in my life that also show me respect.