WITHDRAW OF DESIRE ellie williams angst
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synopsis: after she comes back to the empty farm, ellie somehow manages to find company, you. you live together, walking on the verge of what you're both most afraid of, love.
wc: 2k.
cw: cursing, weed, moments of silence, lingering and underlying pining, trauma bounding.
“I say ‘Burn together, side by side, never merging.’ in defense of love.”
Another afternoon at your house, Ellie's house. You had been reading, sat in your chair, a crimson book with a ridged texture and wavy, probably once wet, pages. Ellie joined you an hour and a bit later, blunt in hand, plopping down on the couch. The first moments are silent, Ellie's foot tapping took you out of your concentrated reading of the book.
“What are you thinking about?” Ellie noticed your blank stare at the carpet and asked. You glanced at her face, your guts hurting and face warming. You turned your sight back down.
“Do you think we'll always be afraid?” you asked, from your chair, looking at Ellie's leg that bounced against the couch she was sitting on.
“Of?” Ellie rasped, lighting a blunt. She looked up to catch a glimpse of you, who held a book on your left hand, which sat on the arm of the fluffy chair.
“I dunno, everything.” you nearly asked, scrunching your face and tilting your head to the side. Ellie watched and let out a sigh.
“I think so. Which sucks, but yeah.” She took the first drag of her ugly, hurriedly rolled blunt.
She was stressed. But then again, when was she not?
“Well, fuck.” you grabbed the book, pulling your knee towards your chest to hold the book up. “I don't wanna be scared. At least, not of you.” you seemed to have given up on the book after glancing at the words for one single second, closing it shut.
Ellie offered the blunt, you took it. Ellie watched you take a drag before conversing back.
“You are?” She scratched her neck. “I'm pretty scary, huh?” Her lip curled up in a faint smirk, but there was no humor in it.
“You're not, I'm scarey, that's it. Scared of everything, like I said.” you palmed your own knee, fingers stretching, as if they pointed at Ellie.
Taking another drag, deep in thought, you pondered the idea of Ellie being scary. You waved off that thought along with the smoke and gave Ellie the blunt back. You knew Ellie was just a girl, who was scarred just like you. A good girl.
“No, not scary.” you concluded.
Ellie snorted, before looking down at her wrist, at her blue bracelet. Not that you understood what it meant or where it came from. It came from Dina, Ellie's ex-girlfriend, whose voice echoed in Ellie's ear.
‘Oh Ellie, I think they should be terrified of you.' Dina had said.
“Terrified. ” Ellie sighed out.
You only shook your head no, feeling the book with both your hands, you opened it. Not reading, just staring at the letters and words and paragraphs. Without your answer, silence settled in once again.
Later, when the sun had already set, Ellie found you in the kitchen, doing the dishes. As soon as she entered the room, you turned around to meet Ellie's soft featured face. She got closer to you, leaning against the counter where you put down the wet dishes. Ellie held onto her own shoulder, tilting her head towards it. She had something to say.
“What? What is it?” You asked, worried expression in your face. Worried about what she had to say or just worried.
The auburnette took a deep breath before conjuring up a gentle smile. No teeth, just lips and eyes. She gathered her words within that breath and dropped the hand that held her shoulder, both hands on her sides.
“Earlier, you asked that thing… ‘bout being scared.” She nearly asked and you nodded, thinking about the acceptance in her earlier answer about the never ending fear you both felt.
“So, I just… wanted to say that I'm not scared of ‘ya, like everything else.” She said.
You got back to your chores, scrubbing the dirt off the plates and the ugly thoughts of the way she might be scared of you off your mind. You're sure she is, in a way. Because you're scared of her too.
“I know.” You muttered. She wouldn't talk if she was scared of you, at least like everyone or everything else. Because when she was still scared, it was like she was mute.
Now, Ellie thought every silence between the two of you made everything else loud. You had just talked, but the water running through the dishes and the clacking of the dishes being put down was way too loud for her. She looked at your face for comfort.
“Yeah?” She smirked now, you laughed.
“Mhm.” You put down the last dish, it wasn't so loud anymore.
“Okay, I’m uhhh, tired. Gonna go to bed, yeah?” She reached for your shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Ellie had worked all morning and you knew she hadn't gotten enough rest.
“Yeah okay, I’m just gonna finish the kitchen.” You smiled and she mirrored it, thumb moving on the back of your shoulder. “Uhm, you're not hungry?” You furrowed your eyebrows, she lifted hers.
“Nope, are you? I can make you something if you are.” She let go of you, grabbing the counter. You shook your head.
“No, no. Go to sleep, Els.” You rushed your words, eyes too gentle, nickname too sweet. She thought you were too soft and her heart squeezed just like her hand had squeezed your shoulder.
She nodded, her eyes seemed to die a little, she turned her back and left the kitchen muttering “Good night” to you. You muttered back but she was already out of the room.
You stayed still for a while, hands gripping the counter, looking down at the drain. You were thinking of nothing until you thought of your past, your past friends, your past family. You snapped back quickly, taking the disgusting wet food out the drain, throwing it in the trash along with your memories.
After tidying up the kitchen, you looked around, seeing a checkered flannel on the floor, right around the corner. You picked it up, it was Ellie's. It was dirty and sweaty, but you palmed it with both hands with no disgust. Mind weighing with thoughts of the tired woman in your bed, you put the flannel among the rest of dirty clothes and rushed to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
Ellie, laying down on the bed you shared. Simply for the fact that neither of you could sleep properly, at least that's what you two settled on for a reason. It was unspoken, but you brought each other comfort enough to rest better. You came from the bathroom, eyeing Ellie's sleeping figure, your stomach seemed to tense, like your guts were stuck in with hard dried glue.
Ellie looked too soft, so much like her true self. Smushed cheek on the mattress, lips parted and a thin line of drool streaming out. You took a deep breath and got on the bed, on your side.
Your body seemed to almost compress, noticing how close Ellie got the middle of the bed, not so much on her side of it. You felt like you had become smaller so there was no chance of your bodies touching, but Ellie's hand stuck out to your side and seemed to call you over, closer.
“Shit…” you muttered under your breath when Ellie snuggled on herself, hand nudging your pinky. You started moving your pinky, caressing Ellie's 3 fingered hand, but not without fear.
Ellie's breath became louder and your heart nearly stopped plumping blood. Not because it would've gave out, but because it would've exploded inside your chest.
“Are you awake? You're on my side.” You spoke out, but you felt as if your words still weighted your throat.
“Uhm, let me, will you?” She mumbled lazily with the usual snark, feeling the drool that pooled on the side of her teeth.
Not bothered by the closeness, she curled in closer, a faint smile at your pinky caressing her palm. Ellie squished your pinky in appreciation.
You gently moved to face her directly, pinky accidentally touching Ellie's scarred knuckles. She flinched. Sometimes she even flinched when she touched those scars herself when looking for the fingers she used to hold. It wasn't you, it truly was her.
She pulled her hand away from yours slowly. Your face was as if of a harmed prey, holding on a pained breath, transparent in a sniffle that Ellie heard.
Ellie opened her eyes to give you a sympathetic look before turning around to her side of the bed. Though not wanting to hurt you, the touch was triggering.
The withdrawal of her hand was triggering too. To you, it was a painful reminder of where the both of you stood, even if Ellie made an affort to be gentle.
Ellie's throat cought a lump that wouldn't dissolve in guilt, she held her own neck throughout the night until she slept again. You? Your body didn't seem to relax for a good part of the night, comforting yourself with the sound of Ellie's soft breathing and the undeniable fact that Ellie was hurt too.
Don't hurt people hurt people?
You had left the house for a walk first thing after you woke up, warning Ellie with a note on your side of the bed. Ellie wondered what that meant, sat on the bedroom’s carpet. What do you do on your walks? Are you safe like you say you are?
And finally, do you just not wanna be around her?
Ellie's mind was stormy, she rubbed her temples, mad at herself, for if that was true, it was her fault. Ellie tried to not hurt you, she did. Sometimes she could sense how hurt you were, how much she hurt you. It made her angrily hold back tears that would end up in headaches.
She wrote in her journal everytime you were away. 'Why am I so mean? I don't deserve her, but I can't leave her. She doesn't deserve lonelyness either.’
She felt like strangling someone. Maybe herself.
Meanwhile, on your walk, you thought of running away, simply running away towards nowhere until you found something. But Ellie, you could never leave her, as afraid as you were, as beat up, as tired.
Deep down, you understood too, why Ellie acted like she did. You saw in Ellie's face that it wasn't what she truly desired either, what the two of you had. The distance whilst being so close.
You wouldn't dare think of it for more than a second, but you burned for Ellie, away from her, but you did. Sometimes you felt Ellie burning for you too. God, the heat dared attract you to each other, but one would pull away. If your fire didn't falter, Ellie's cooled down, as gently as she could for your sake.
You grunted before turning your heels around to go back home. Instead of running away, you ran to Ellie.
Ellie was unexpectedly at the porch, it has seemingly gone by an unusual amount of time since you left the house. Ellie noticed your running legs, she sat down on the ground in relief.
“Come on!” She yelled in humor with tired eyes, standing her arms out.
You laughed, showing teeth, so Ellie kept going.
“Come to Ellie!” She laughed but you sprinted at those words.
Ellie sighed, hands dropping to her knees, heart swelling at such devotion. Even if it was a joke, she still felt it to be true. You reached her, stopping your tracks in front of Ellie.
“The baby's here.” You laughed as you panted. Your hands also dropping to your bent knees, mirroring Ellie.
“How was your walk?” Ellie then held a serious tone.
“Uh… good? How was your alone time?” You lied and sat down next to Ellie.
“Okay, but too long. You took too long today.” She looked down at her feet.
“Shit, sorry.” You held your own arms, crossing them over your knees. You looked at Ellie.
“Nah, it's whatever, just got worried.” She smiled through her lies, turning to face you. She had ‘I missed you’ written all over her face and you read it with a returning smile.
You hummed together, your breath calming. Unknowingly to you two, syncing with hers as if your lungs were intertwined. If either of you knew, you'd be scared and cut through your lungs desperately to get away from each other. Thank god neither of you did.
a/n: this is not my usual style of writing that i post around here so idk if it's good but yeah!
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So, I love all of your OCs so far! I’ve been wondering: how would the yanderes feel about a darling with a young kid? (To make it simple, other parent isn’t in the picture, aside from maybe sending money.) Please, thank you, and have good day!
i decided to answer this for all of my yandere ocs bc im a sucker for found family/single parent tropes 🫶 cw! spoilers for future ocs + mentions of child neglect
🚼 the yanderes x single parent darling
⛪️ | abraham would be a bit surprised, to say the least. but he comes from a community where people get married and have kids the moment they’re out of high school (if not the moment they become adults) so while he would be sort of caught off guard, he’d adapt pretty quickly. he’d definitely fantasize about becoming a little family unit, probably even subtly propose the idea of expanding every so often. he wouldn’t exactly love your child — at least, definitely not the way he loves you — but you wouldn’t be able to tell with how well he treats them.
🚬 | the delinquents would be more like four older brothers more than anything. theyre all a bit too young to take on a proper parental role, nor would any of them have a real desire to, but they’d definitely have fun sharing their singular shared braincell with your kid. your child would probably grow up to be a massive little troublemaker thanks to their influence, but that’s why you love them, right? if the other parent is still involved one way or another though, they’d immediately put a stop to that. no reason to be involved with your ex now that they’re in the picture.
🌲 | mykolas would be curious of your child. he’s never seen such a young human up close before (considering he was always accused of eating them) so having a chance to actually be around one would be a new experience for him. he’d quickly start to refer to your child as his own, calling them his cub more than their name and carry them around on his shoulders or head whenever they go out together. it wouldn’t be uncommon to see him protectively curled up around them while they’re taking a nap.
🪸 | similarly to mykolas, the mermaids would be sort of curious about your child, though arguably less so as they have seen human children before. they have a very vague understanding of how to care for your child and would constantly search the sea for things that could come in handy for caring for them — you can expect to have a constant supply of eroded toys and suspiciously good quality clothes for them. they’d also try to teach them things that they’d teach the fry of their pods, though obviously they can only do so much teaching something that isn’t meant to live in the sea lol.
💪 | valentina grew up as a parentified older sibling, so while she wouldn’t particularly enthused about taking the role again so soon after getting out of it, she’d be capable of adapting to the role. she knows how to take care of a child and would ensure your kid’s cared for when they’re being watched by her, but she probably wouldn’t be able to establish much of an emotional connection to them without making an active effort to. but she does love children, so she’d learn to love yours too.
👑 | althea would hate your child. plain and simple. she’d view them as the living embodiment of you not keeping your promise to her, of you giving your love to someone else before she had the chance to have you to herself. while she’d never overtly mistreat your child, she’d be incredibly cold toward them and try to find reasons to avoid interacting with them. they’d be spoiled relentlessly with the hopes that if she gave them everything they’d need to live, neither you or her would have to deal with them.
🥩 | rhodes wouldn’t think much of your kid for the most part, but they’d express a gentle fondness for them the few times they do meet them. they’d affectionately greet them, offer them a treat, and hold a little conversation with them to keep them busy for a bit while you run errands or eat or whatever you need to do. they’re kind of awkward with children given they have nothing in common with them and have little experience with them, but surprisingly they’re a natural with yours.
🫀 | melchior has no interest in human kids. therefore they wouldn’t care much for yours, seeing your child more like a pet or something along those lines rather than a sapient being. their treatment of them would reflect that; they wouldn’t be necessarily mean or anything, but they’d be a bit patronizing and talk at them more than they’d talk to them. it isn’t out of malice, they’d genuinely think that that’s how you interact with children and any attempts to correct them would be met with confusion and frowns.
🕷️ | the alt kids would be wonderful parents to your kid. they’d more or less be sort of a mix of abe and the delinquents, but with the added bonus that they’d care deeply for your child as they’d see them as an extension of you rather than a mix of you with someone else. they’d come up with a system to help your child have a good upbringing and stick with it — faust would take up helping them study, anton would teach them manners and etiquette, and delta would help them with their social life. they’re so good for you and your child, see? they live for the idea that them treating your child well and loving them will make you love them all more in turn.
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— William Isaac Henderson
TW: Blood ⋆ Implied Trauma ⋆ Death ⋆ Murder
I. INTRO ⋆ II. EXTRA ⋆ III. RELATIONS ⋆ VI. PAST
————————— I. INTRO
AGE: 1249
MENTAL AGE: 27
SPECIES: Vampire
GENDER: Male
SEXUALITY: Pansexual
ETHNICITY: British & Japanese
—————— I.I Powers & Drawbacks
CORRUPTION: A disorder all vampires fall victim to. It affects the soul and mind. The disorder shows up mostly as intrusive thoughts, which the one affected, will act upon, specifically not realizing the wrongness or immorality of it
——— When a vampire has not drunk blood in a week, they become very agitated. If blood is not consumed on the day the agitation starts, they turn into a reckless shadow form with the only goal of soothing their hunger. It will not stop at any means unless they consume at least a drop of blood. After they return to their normal form, their body is extremely exhausted, even sick. Many vampires pass this way
Superhuman agility / reflexes: Ability to react faster than a normal human and to possess greater flexibility and with higher / farther jumping capacity
Summoning: Ability to summon beings or objects for assistance. This may range from shadow objects to spirits
Superhuman strength: Ability to have a level of strength much higher than normally possible given their proportions
Superhuman senses: Ability to see, smell, taste, feel and hear more than a normal human
( most hungry vampires under corruption have the same abilities that are listed. )
METAMORPHOSIS / SHAPESHIFTING: Ability to change one's physical, biological form to mimic the appearance, characteristics or power set of other individuals
——— The individual who they want to shapeshift to must be dead. The second he shapeshifts into an individual, they appear to "live" in his head
IMMORTALITY: Ability to live forever and also an inability to age normally
——— Takes an absolute toll on your mental health in many different ways
INVULNERABILITY: Ability to be immune to any form of physical damage
——— Takes a long time to regenerate
-—————-————— I.II Personality
——— POSITIVE TRAITS
Intelligent ⋆ Humorous ⋆ Loyal ⋆ Dedicated ⋆ Tactical
——— NEGATIVE TRAITS
Aggressive ⋆ Manipulative ⋆ Argumentative ⋆ Rude ⋆ Obsessive
-—————–———— I.III Appearance
————————— II. EXTRA
PRONOUNS: Any
NICKNAMES: Will, The Undead Vermillion
BIRTHDAY: September 10th
ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo
OCCUPATION: CEO of his company
LIKES: Wine, Human blood, Getting what he wants
DISLIKES: Humans, Food, Talking about his trauma
LANGUAGES: Old and Modern English, Japanese ( can't write or read... ), a little Spanish and Chinese
—————— III. RELATIONS
————————————— III.I Family
MOTHER: Kanai Henderson
FATHER: James Michael Henderson
OLDER BROTHER: Frederick Edgar Henderson
OLDER SISTER: Annalina Maria Henderson
GRANDFATHERS: Zachary Jace Henderson, Kaede Yoshiyuki
GRANDMOTHERS: Tuesday Ivy Henderson, Akemi Yoshiyuki
UNCLE: Yoneda Yoshiyuki
EXTENDED FAMILY: Kuraisha Wahyuni ( "cousin" ), Zen Luo Yi ( "nephew" )
——————————— III.II Romantic
EX-GIRLFRIEND: Aleta ???
EX-FIANCÉES: Himari Kim, Rina Gaea Junianus
EX-WIVES: Kathleen Githa Fraser, Yamina Safiya Bishara, Ethelinda Johanna Peschl
EX-HUSBAND: Minsheng Quan
UNREQUINTED LOVE: Fabiana Yesenia Soto Ruíz ( he enjoyed her company, but he didn't have feelings for her as she did for him )
——————-————— III.III Platonic
CLOSE FRIENDS: Itachi Kobayashi, Allen Moore, Hansuke Yaoyorozu
GOOD FRIENDS: Ousmane Mefine, Amira Kateb
FRIENDS: Yulia Golubeva, Markko Rosenberg
——————-————— III.IV Other
( FUTURE ) CO-WORKERS: Leonardo Brando, Cyrene Hecate Chastise, Mikayla ???, Azazel Hera
ASSOCIATES: Eustachy Kazimierz Olszewski
COMRADES: Jakov Bogović, Nehuen Medina Franco
HUMAN FORMS: Naman Jai Gandhi, Hansuke Toudou, Amira Kateb
————————— VI. PAST
——————————— VI.I Childhood
COMING SOON...!!
—————————— VI.II Teenhood
COMING SOON...!!
—————————— VI.III Adulthood
William spends his days pretending to be someone else. His latest human form, Hansuke Toudou is a model. After his work, he either spends his time with his close friends, mainly Itachi, or prepares himself for his next meal. He has no shame when it comes to killing others, as he is a ruthless vampire after all. He has gotten away with years of his killings because he simply has his ways and connections. He is always three steps ahead.
LINKS: Picrew creds to Y_at
Superpower Generator
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