#“i guess my progress of being open about that will now evaporate completely :)"

[cactusdying]

redraw of that thing i drew. Yeah

[mydreamdoll]

Queer loneliness and the life of an indoor cat

It's a Sunday evening and I find myself, yet again, in the midst of the brutal heatwave that we always seem to get during the should-have-been-end-of-summer in Michigan. Summers here are uniquely terrible. As soon as the thermostat ticks above 80 degrees, all of that lake water that surrounds our little state like an idle moat completely evaporates into the air, making it so that breathing feels closer to drowning than an act of survival. So in order to combat the horribleness that is being alive in August, I'm spending my night the same way that i spend most of them these days- doing everything in my power to forget that summer is happening. I've got my curtains pulled shut, a black amber candle burning, and my dusty pink salt rock lamp working overtime to light an entire room. As I sip my obscenely dark cup of decaf coffee and listen, once again, to the recurring mantra of the Twin Peaks opening theme I can almost start to drown out the sound of the air conditioning blasting through the vent on the floor. Almost.

I do wonder, though; is living this way somehow a sin in the eyes of the twenty-something gods? Is this kind of fantastical isolation a valid lifestyle for a young, sober introvert? or is it an affront to the sacred gift that is youth? A lot of my life over the past year has been driven by these kinds of questions. When I'm old and dying, will I regret all my nights of nothingness?

Right now it seems like we're seeing a real rejection of gay bed-rotting and a return to the good ole degenerate clubbing and party drug-ingesting that our dear community used to be known for. On a philosophical level I love this; I think that we've long needed a divorce from this chronically online, out of touch, discourse based lifestyle that has poisoned so much of our collective spiritual well. On an emotional level, however, I feel incredibly bitter about it. There's a strong "cool kids table" factor to all of it and I am decidedly, and hopelessly, not a part of it. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that I don't have many trans sisters or gay peers in my life, nor are there any actual gay clubs in the city that I live (the one that did exist got completely taken over by straight people), so meeting them is a pretty difficult task. I try my best to put myself out there and experience new things but god this city makes it so hard, and my own personal introversion certainly does not help. Maybe it's my own fault, maybe it's the worlds, or maybe (probably) it's a little bit of both. Either way, that feeling that I'm missing out on something never really leaves me.

-

After more than 60 consecutive days of dreaming about him, I had really convinced myself that our double feature at the downtown movie theater could have been the night that something finally happened between us. And then on the ride there he told me that he'd started talking to an old fling from college again. I'm definitely missing out on something.

So I guess that I am now starting from scratch on finding some form of real romance in my life. I don't know if I even have the capacity to think of anybody else right now if I'm being honest, but I have to try. I've got to find some way to forget about my feelings for him.

I've still yet to hear an actual answer from anybody about how it is, exactly, that young transsexuals are meant to find love in today's world. I mean we've made all of this progress, have all of these evolved men who would be thrilled to date a doll, and yet we have nowhere to find each other. And even when we think we might have finally found the right guy, how do we know if it's real? Being rejected is one thing, but being rejected on account of them being to ashamed of their attraction to you to date you? I don't know if my fragile little heart could take it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to find a real love.

It often feels like I've been cast into this purgatorial state, where my only option is whether I'd like to yearn fruitlessly or to lie down. I almost always choose yearning. There's at least the warmth in my shoulders and the off tempo kicking in my chest that comes when he looks me in my eyes. But that feeling always ends up crashing down when I remember where all of this fantasizing gets me; which is approximately nowhere outside of abject loneliness. Yet somehow the hopelessness doesn't stop me from looking back up at him. I'd stare at him forever if I had it my way.

In a life as lonely as the one I've found myself in, I wonder- how does a girl find her way out of her fantasies and out into the sun? How does she embrace the harsh light of summer?

[bouncingkadachi]

Blessed Rain

Summary: A Hunter’s weapon of choice says a lot about them. OR: Kyle upgrades his weaponry and gets caught red-handed in the act. Luckily (?) for him, only Tsukino seems to know exactly why he's having an emotional crisis over this.

Word count: 3,260

Note(s): set post-game

Also available on AO3!

Kyle’s had his new bow for a good couple of weeks before the feel of the limbs and the weight of the draw became comfortable enough for him to consider upgrading it. If he’s going to be injured, he reasons, he’d rather it be purely by way of monster and not because he pulls a muscle wrestling with a bow that hasn’t been properly broken in. His wallet despairs as he forks over the zenny, but this’ll hopefully let him take on some of the bigger hunts like the ones that Reverto goes on. It’ll all be worth the investment up front once he has his completely finished bow and restocked his coatings and finally drops the last of his coin on a couple new talismans.

He refuses to think about the implications of his reasoning with a literal coin, rolling it around and around his fingers as he pushes through the market throngs towards the smithy’s. Perhaps he ought to have a change of scenery—the fog-shrouded summits of Terga were said to be particularly beautiful at this time of year, and the heat in Lamure was becoming just shy of unbearable.

The final product that the blacksmith puts into his hands when he finally makes it to collect is nothing short of gorgeous. Blessed Rain is sleek where his old Rex bow was bulky, far lighter and certainly not as clunky. The upgrades on the riser gives the entire weapon a pleasant solidness in his hand, yet the delicately reinforced plating on the limbs doesn’t retract at all from its flexibility. The decorative grip protector gleams. Just looking at it makes Kyle excited to shoot.

“Bring her back if you’re finding that you need anything adjusted,” the smith tells him after Kyle’s diligently inspected every inch of the bow. “Kept the poundage the same for you, but added another inch to the draw length like you asked.”

“Thanks,” Kyle says. Eventually, he’d like to work up to the point where he can up the poundage again. Even just another five pounds would be good. He can do most of the hunts in his skill range alone now, but extra firepower would make him just that much more efficient, or that much of a better support for team hunts. 

The smith laughs when Kyle sheepishly admits this. “Well, I always like to help a Hunter improve, and you know where to find me,” he says cheerily, clapping Kyle enthusiastically on the shoulder. “Come by again anytime if you need a tune up or want to test out something new.” 

And with that, he waves Kyle away so that another Hunter can step up, holding a tired-looking sword and shield and looking equally exhausted. “Aye, rookie Hunter?” Kyle hears as he wanders off to find a more relaxed corner of the market in which to admire his new bow some more. “If you’ve got the materials I can repair and upgrade that for you.” The conversation peters out and melts into the general din of the marketplace as Kyle slips into the crowd, taking care to step out of the way of a Felyne carrying an absolutely massive basket groaning with produce. He watches the precarious load totter away, trying and failing to locate Tsukino in the brief respite the parted crowd affords him. They’d split earlier that morning and he hasn’t seen her since.

He still hasn’t managed to find even a whisker of Tsukino’s whereabouts by the time he settles into a decently quiet nook next to a stall selling all manner of spices. Pity, because the dappled light spilling through the colorful drapes of the marketplace catches so beautifully on the milky-white sheen of the bow, and he’d been looking forward to showing it to her. As a Hunter, Kyle will always care more about weapon practicality than aesthetics, but as a normal human being he certainly won’t turn down the opportunity to have both an aesthetically pleasing and perfectly functional weapon. He’s still grinning a little when he goes to strap the bow to his back, and it’s in the process of looking up that his gaze catches onto wide eyes staring plainly at him from across the street. 

He freezes, arm suspended awkwardly halfway to sheathing. His beautiful bow glints damningly in the bright Lamure sunlight as his unexpected friend wades through the throngs of people towards him, gesturing for him to stay put with a wave of her hand that really can’t be mistaken for anything other than a greeting.

“Hey,” he says cautiously and lamely when she finally reaches him. Belatedly, he remembers to lower his arm. He is momentarily thankful that she doesn’t try to reach up for his face in the Mahanan greeting, although his goodwill evaporates when she leans in to inspect his bow, body thrumming with unexplainable anticipation.

“Oh, that’s pretty,” she says finally. Kyle can’t help himself from preening just a little, shifting his grip so that she can get a better look. After all, what was the point of spending all that money and materials if there was no one to excitedly show the end product off to? Besides, it’s been a while since they last saw each other. Last he heard, she had been traveling, keen to finally see the world on her own terms and at her own pace.

“It’s fresh off an upgrade,” he answers smugly. “Easier to handle than the Rex.”

“Slightly less intimidating though,” she chimes in, and Kyle bristles, not liking where this conversation is going. And true to form, she goes in for the kill: “Mizutsune? I recognize the plating.”

Kyle can feel the flush crawling up to his ears. Logically, he knows that there’s nothing for him to be embarrassed about. It’s a mark of good smithing that one can tell at a glance which monster a weapon was inspired by, and a Mizutsune was both powerful and extremely iconic. This bow in particular had good stats and the ability to fire rapidly, which admittedly took him some time to get used to after focusing mostly on piercing shots. The paralysis coating that works so well on this bow has also already saved his skin on more than one occasion. There is little more a career Hunter can ask for out of his weapon. It’s not like he’d been heading out to Pomore Garden at any given opportunity and holding onto an increasing multitude of Mizutsune materials just because he wanted some physical reminder of what was probably the most pivotal moment of his life, something that never failed to put a very complicated and jumbled mess of emotions deep within his chest whenever he thought back to it.

He’s starting to feel very, very hot under his collar. The sun is terrible. He resolves that his next big hunt really needs to be somewhere outside of Lamure.

His friend, however, just looks more and more baffled as he launches into an unprompted defense of his newest purchase. Every time she opens her mouth, Kyle talks a little faster. Eventually, she doesn’t even bother trying to interject, which is arguably worse, because instead she just looks progressively more and more thoughtful. Kyle wished desperately for Tsukino to peel away from whatever hidey hole she was tucked in. Then, his train of thought screeches into a rude and abrupt halt.

“What,” he croaks. “What are you doing.”

One of her brows quirks up. “I sure hope your eyes are still working because that’d be a detriment to your job,” she says plainly. “What does it look like I’m doing? I promise it’s not a trick question.”

What she’s doing is holding Kyle’s hand—the one not clutching his new bow—the one that had apparently been waving about with increasing agitation as he jabbered on and on. What Kyle doesn’t understand is why. It’s not like he just did some impressive shot to give them the edge in a battle or anything else that was cool and hand-holding worthy. He’d just been yammering about bow mechanics, and maybe embarrassingly dipping into his talisman hopes and dreams. He stares a little helplessly at his trapped hand. Her kinship stone winks up at him.

“Look,” she says patiently, when it becomes very clear that Kyle is going to need a moment before he can get his brain back online. “There’s nothing wrong with a bow made from Mizutsune parts and I am the last person who will ever turn down pretty things. What I was going to say was that this is an interesting departure from your whole—” She pauses, as though looking for a specific word. “Well, your whole image as a very grown-up and serious and intimidating Hunter or whatever it was you were trying to convey with that scowl you used to like so much. And you weren’t letting me get a single word in.”

“You’re getting plenty of words in now,” Kyle scowls, just to be contrary. “And I’ve grown since then.”

“Someone’s in a mood today.” She smiles, crinkle-eyed, up at him. Kyle very seriously debates wrenching his hand out of her hold like he did the last time this happened and then pointedly doesn’t act on the impulse.

“Why’re you in Lulucion?” he asks instead with a truly remarkable level of self-restraint. “Thought you’d never want to come back again after what happened.”

She shrugs, the greatsword on her back heaving with the movement. “Guess I’ve grown too,” she says loftily, though she sobers quickly. “I was actually visiting my grandfather. He used to go back to Mahana around this time of year… he can’t do it anymore of course but I’ve got Ratha now, so I figured I could do it instead. And then I figured I’d stop by Rutoh before going home, to see Ena and Alwin and wheedle a few more stories out of them.”

She lets go of Kyle’s hand. He tries not to miss it. “Even Ratha can’t make the trip in one go, and Lulucion was closest, so we’re stopping to rest. I dropped by the Scrivener’s Lodge earlier because I was hoping Reverto could give me a few weapon pointers as I’ve saved up just about enough for an upgrade, but they told me that he was out on an urgent mission and wouldn’t be back for a while.”

“Oh,” Kyle says, a little stung that she hadn’t come specifically to see him first, out of all the Hunters in the city. He’s slightly mollified when she grins at him, though.

“And then I met Tsukino by the cannons. She said I could find you here, so here I am.”

“I don’t know anything about greatswords,” Kyle blurts out, and immediately wants to kick himself. She blinks at him, and then bursts into laughter.

“I was just going to ask the smith,” she wheezes when she’s got herself somewhat back under control. “Can’t I see a friend just to say hi to him anymore?” Kyle stares very intently down at some of the finer detailing on his bow.

“Where is my Palico anyway?” he finally settles on, falling into a tried and true grumble. “I haven’t seen her all day.”

She waves her hand vaguely in the air. “Navirou said something about getting donuts. I wasn’t really listening.”

But there was a donut stand right here in the marketplace, Kyle wanted to cry out. He should have seen Tsukino by now if they’d really been going to buy snacks! And how was it possible that he had missed Navirou in his entirety, between the Felyne’s penchant for wearing ridiculous little outfits and his inability to shut up?

“Why? You have a hunt you need to run off to?” 

“Yes,” Kyle says hotly. It’s a lie. He’d accepted a subquest that wouldn’t depart until later that evening for the sole purpose of testing out his new weapon in a relatively stress-free environment. Before that, he’d just planned on hitting up the shooting range in the training arena to break in the new string. His schedule was very, very free. Tsukino was perfectly aware of that.

His eyes widened. Tsukino had been with him on every excursion into the Gardens. She went where he did (usually), and it’s not like Kyle would ever begrudge her a visit home. But she’d been with him every step of every single Mizutsune job he’d ever taken—had watched him craft traps when he needed to capture and had kept watch for opportunists hoping to sneak up as he’d carved. She’d been the one who’d recommended the spinner for all the excess purplefur he was ending up with. At first, he’d simply thought that she’d wanted the thread to mend some of her own items, or to send back home to her brethren, but instead she’d tucked each skein of vibrant, silk-soft thread into the bottom of his pouch with gentle paws, cryptically talking about how strong a material it was, and how nice it looked when woven. Kyle has never touched a loom in his life, but now he’s looking at someone who he definitely knows has.

His stomach drops. Hadn’t Tsukino looked particularly smug ever since he’d lingered on the blueprints for Blessed Rain after getting a look at its stats and required materials?

“She got me,” he groans. His friend just looks at him bemusedly, though perhaps with a touch of wariness at his ferocious frown. Hastily, he tacks on: “It’s nothing. I, uh—I just remembered that I needed to tell Tsukino something. Important. Later, when I find her again.”

“Alright,” she says, though she doesn’t quite look like she believes him. “A quest’s a quest, though, so I won’t keep you here. The bow really is pretty though. I know I just said it doesn’t match your image and all but I really don’t think you can go wrong with something you like. You’ve got the skills for it, anyway.”

“Thanks,” he croaks, feeling a little overwhelmed. He manages two whole steps out of the nook before he pauses, worrying at his lower lip. “Actually,” he says sharply, spinning around on his heel and nearly causing his friend to startle right into a spice display. “How long are you staying for?”

“However long it’ll take to upgrade my sword, I guess,” she says after she collects herself, the words lilting into a question. “Three days or so, I guess?” She skirts nervously away from the glaring vendor, careful not to overbalance on her greatsword.

“Cool,” Kyle says with a nod, steeling himself. “Great, even. Look, how about this. Your last visit to Lulucion was terrible—” an understatement, “—so when I get back from my hunt I’ll show you some of the better sights Lulucion has to offer. There’s a hole in the wall that I think you’ll like. Dad used to take me after hunts—they grill really nice queen shrimp. And the parapets—you can climb them, and they’ve got all these little carvings in the stone that you can search for like a scavenger hunt.” He’s keenly aware that he’s rambling again, but she looks interested, so he barrels on. “I’ll come pick you up tomorrow just as soon as I can get a nap in. We can stay in the city or take Ratha out to the Barrens, down by the water. Just make a day of it.” He’s pretty certain that he looks at her with something akin to hope as she considers. It feels like a lifetime before she finally comes to a decision. 

“I want to take Ratha out in the evening,” she says finally. “I don’t want him to be cooped up too long here ever again.”

“Yeah,” Kyle breathes out, the word rushing out of him in a flood of relief. “Yeah, I can work around that.” She beams at him.

“I’ll look forward to it,” she says, sincere and looking more than a little surprised despite herself at the prospect of looking forward to doing anything in Lulucion. “I’m staying at the inn closest to the stables. Pretty sure I’m the only Rider there currently so they’ll know who I am.” Kyle nods, and lets himself get his hand squeezed again, though not without her hands first hovering in an instinctual bid for his cheeks before she remembers herself.

“Good luck on your hunt. If I see Tsukino I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.”

“She’ll show up in due time,” he mutters darkly. “I’ll let you know if Reverto gets back early or if he’s just been loafing around this entire time. For your next upgrade or whatever.” She laughs, bright, and then slips off into the crowd to wrestle her way into the smithy’s queue. Kyle is left staring in her wake before his gaze is drawn back down to his bow.

“This is all your fault,” he tells it. Predictably, it doesn’t answer. Also predictably, Tsukino takes that exact moment to drop down from seemingly nowhere. 

“I didn’t know we had another job lined up,” the Felyne says delicately, carefully brushing crumbs off of her coat. Kyle groans, sheathing his weapon.

“Don’t tease me,” he huffs. “I’m going to the shooting range. Are you coming?”

“Hmm,” says Tsukino. “I suppose I can spare the time.”

“Of course you can spare the time!” Kyle hisses, indignant. “You just spent the day eating donuts and eavesdropping!” He pointedly doesn’t look towards the smithy, where his friend was patiently browsing the display while another Hunter was getting their hammer looked at.

“One must always be prepared with the latest intel,” Tsukino says mildly. “I’m glad the upgrade went well.” 

“It’s got good stats,” Kyle protests weakly in what is quickly becoming a tired argument. “The rapid shots have been going very well. And I had a surplus of Mizutsune parts.”

 “Yes,” his hunting partner agrees readily enough. “Have you thought of what you’re going to do with the thread?”

“This conversation is finished,” Kyle says abruptly, making a very determined push towards the market’s exit. “Either come or don’t, so long as we meet at the gate for tonight’s hunt.”

Tsukino looks at him with exasperated fondness, which is frankly a little insulting, but readily falls into step next to him. Kyle wonders how many rounds he’s going to have to shoot in order to clear his head again and rid it of thoughts of Hazepetal Garden or Mizutsune or high-grade thread that he’ll never use himself. He’ll examine them again someday—because he’s not a coward—but that day is most certainly not today.

He does his rounds in the training arena and marvels at the way the string slides off his fingers with a satisfying twang, even though it’ll still be a good few days before it’s fully broken in to his liking. Tsukino’s saved him a donut, the cakey sweet sticky with honey and practically melting in his mouth. He’s got some free time even after stocking up for the evening hunt, so he takes a few minutes to browse the quest board, taking careful note of the jobs that were situated near the Harzgai Rocky Hill, or the ones from further afield in Alcala that’ll take him closer to Rutoh. And when he leaves the city, he pointedly doesn’t look up at the familiar shape circling in the dusky sky, even as he knows that they’ll surely see the last rays of the setting sun winking off of the plates of his bow like a beacon.

[fandom-necromancer]

Turn a blind eye

This was prompted by an amazing anon! If you are distrubed by the warnings this time, keep in mind it will end on a good note! I hope you enjoy! 

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: description of crime scenes (murder), serial killer, Gavin whump, paranoia, sleep deprivation, panic attack)

‘Put your phone away, Reed!’, Nines ordered, dropping new files on his desk.

Gavin flinched, looking up, then down on the pile. ‘No, not another one.’ ‘Yes, actually. Another one.’ Nines watched him and Gavin sighed, putting the phone away and rubbing his eyes. He opened the folder to another letter. He didn’t even have the energy to feel particularly distressed about it. He opened it with the android looking over his shoulder. You’d better turned a blind eye to my doings, Detectives. I proved before your actions against me have consequences.

Gavin just let the paper fall onto his desk and kneaded his forehead. ‘That’s all?’, Nines asked. ‘Well, we better keep going then. They know we are close.’ Gavin nodded numbly. Of course, they had to keep going. Of course, they had to stop whoever was behind all these murders. But… The threat was hitting home. Gavin couldn’t shake off the pictures of his bike catching fire right as he was about to start it, only Nines’ quick intervention saving him from being severely burned and hurt by the explosion of the tank only seconds later. The android had been able to brush it off and return to work, but Gavin couldn’t. He hadn’t slept properly for weeks and there had been little else but work for him.

It all had begun with a weirdly detailed murder scene. A woman killed by a cut throat in the bedroom covered in blue blood. The corresponding android was later found drenched in her blood in an alley behind a cyberlife workshop, but he hadn’t been killed there, the body was staged. Neither the murder weapon nor any trace of the murderer was found. Both android and human were connected by a growing relationship after the woman had divorced her husband. Jealousy was an easy motive, but the husband was earnestly shocked and said the feeling about the divorce was mutual and they ended everything on good terms. Not really evidence for his innocence, but he had a valid alibi, being on a work-related trip to Baltimore at the time the murder had taken place.

They hadn’t solved the case yet and were still waiting for the forensics’ report as they were called to another crime scene. Again, a human murdered by a cut throat, covered in the thirium of their partner and staged in the bedroom, while the blood-drenched android was found behind a Cyberlife store. The only new clue was that both cases had to be connected. Gavin had guessed the motive to be anti-android related and as the third murder was discovered it was more or less solidified by the message left behind. The wall over the bed was decorated with the internal wiring of the android spelling out Trash. The same word was found at the android, cut into his chest piece where his serial number would be.

This was the work of a serial killer. And the asshole was experimenting. Thankfully that meant he was slipping. The next scene held footprints of evaporated thirium for them. Nines was able to estimate height and weight from the size, the intensity of the thirium coating and the distance between each footprint. The message left behind was painted with their blood, allowing Nines to crop a partial fingerprint from where each letter ended. So, their murderer was a human of just a little below average size and weight. If the estimation was correct. It was little to go with, but what was even more unsettling were the words left behind this time: Gavin Reed over the bed of the human man and RK900 scratched into the chest of the android.

It had thrown them off guard and had caused Fowler to keep them under police protection. Their colleagues took turns guarding Gavin’s apartment complex, while Nines had agreed to stay at the precinct full time. It did little to help Gavin be comfortable with the fact a completely unknown serial killer knew their identities. He laid awake most nights jumping at every noise in the building and thought about how on earth the murderer had found out who was investigating their cases. Did they have connection to the police? Was one of his colleagues corrupt? Was the killer one of them? Had he just watched the crime scenes? Or had some newspaper simply printed their names while telling the story of Detroit’s newest serial killer?

Gavin was constantly on edge never feeling safe enough to sleep more than a few hours. Even at the precinct he started to feel watched. And it didn’t get better when more bodies turned up. Still haven’t found me? I’m right here. You look tired. Something keeping you up at night? Cyberlife’s best, huh? Watch your steps. What a dream team. I should kill you next. That had been when the bike had caught fire the next day. To say that Gavin was panicking was an understatement. Gavin was stressed beyond everything and it was hard to have a single rational thought when the killer somehow managed to send letters to the precinct without being caught.

At least Nines was unphased by all of this. Ever the analytical logical machine, the android worked away, reading reports from forensics and finding clue after clue. It were small hints, but they were making progress. They would get the killer in the long run, but they both knew the shorter that “long run” would be, the less people had to die. Gavin was so thankful for having Nines. The android had saved his life and was the only constant in this mess. At least when he was with the bot, he was safe. Unless he was… Unless he was the killer himself. Gavin frowned. This was his panic speaking. He shouldn’t think about that. But it made sense, didn’t it? He was finding all the little clues; he knew they were investigating the case and- No. No, Nines was safe. He had to be. There was no reason other than his sleep deprivation and stress getting to him.

‘Reed. Get your back into it!’ Gavin flinched at the sudden shout. Or had it been said at normal volume? He looked around and as everyone was quietly working around him, he guessed his senses had betrayed him. ‘W-what?’ ‘You have to pull your weight, too, Reed’, Nines reprimanded him. ‘Or do you want to let the killer murder more people?’ ‘No, of course not.’ ‘Then quit staring ahead and go over the forensics again. I think we might have missed something there.’ ‘Y-yeah.’

Gavin managed to read a few sentences in between as his eyes hurt from staring at the screen for too long and his mind betraying him to get caught up in paranoid thoughts again. ‘Reed, have you found anything yet?’ ‘Are you even reading the report?’ ‘You have to stop getting distracted all the time.’ He couldn’t work like this. He wouldn’t be any help. He wouldn’t stop the killer and they would murder more and more people. There was nothing he could do, nothing, nothing, nothing-

‘Detectives?’ ‘WHAT?!’, Gavin shouted, startling the ST300 from the reception as well as everyone else. ‘Err… You got another package. This time directed towards you, Detective Reed.’ Gavin sighed trying to relax or a least lessen the tension in his body. He took the package from her, noting that it had already been opened and searched. No surprise bombs. He looked inside and took the letter sitting on top of the Styrofoam filling. He absently noted that Nines was walking around the table to look over his shoulder again. Gavin opened the letter and read it.

You have a nice flat, Gavin. He was pretty sure his heart had stopped. A beautiful cat. She’s sweet, really. Though I must say you could have cleaned up before leaving the home. You know, I’m kind of bored. I thought I would meet you here but apparently you are at work. Always at work, huh? Guess I just have to come another day.

‘They are bluffing’, Nines commented, but Gavin had already reached back into the package and retrieved a frame. The picture showed him and Eli side by side on his boat on Lake Michigan during their vacation last summer. Gavin had the only existing copy as he had taken the picture himself. It was standing on his kitchen counter at home. ‘No’, Gavin simply uttered, feeling unbelievably sick. He put the frame down on the table. ‘No, they aren’t.’ Gavin rose up on shaky legs, holding onto the table. He was breathing heavily, bile rising in his throat. ‘I- I need to go. I need a break. A smoke. Phck. I have to-‘ He began stumbling out of his seat, past Nines and was already running to the back exit of the precinct, the go-to smoking spot of most officers. His excuse to Nines wasn’t too solid as he had forgotten his cigarettes in his drawer, but Gavin couldn’t care. Not when he barely made it out to throw up on the pavement. He heaved out what little he had had for breakfast and the smell alone kept him vomiting his guts out until there was nothing left to come. He was so done for.

-

Nines stood next to the detective’s desk, program in disarray. He hadn’t expected Reed’s reaction at all. The man had been slacking ever since the case got bad and now, he suddenly panicked and ran for a break? Just because the murderer was clearly bluffing? Or had he missed something? He revisited his memories of the past weeks and as realisation hit in, the stability of his software was near to non-existent. He had to make sure though. He had to see what Reed was up to and see for himself if he was right. If Gavin was truly that compromised by everything. It was hard to believe with the man always putting on a tough display. But he had made a decision: He would follow the Detective to his smoke break.

As he opened the door to the small outer platform, an awful smell hit his sensors. Then he saw Gavin sitting the farthest away from the puddle of vomit, face white and eyes wide. Immediately his stress levels were popping up to the android and that was the last evidence that tipped the scales to deviancy. Nines’ confines shattered around him, as he understood under how much pressure the man must have stood. The human everyone thought to be able to take on everything wasn’t as invincible as thought and Nines had failed to see the signs. Gavin hadn’t been slacking off, he had tried to conquer his panic by distraction. And he had taken all that away from him. He sighed, regret setting deep into his systems. He should have been there for his partner. He had always said he cared for the man, but how could he tell himself that now that he saw what he had done to Gavin? Well, he was free to do so now that he was deviant. He just hoped it wasn’t too late yet.

‘Gavin? Gavin, stand up. You need to get cleaned up and drink something. Come on.’ He took the man by the arm and helped him up. Reed was shivering and not only for the cold. Nines helped him back inside, sat him down on his chair again, putting the letter and the box away before fetching a bottle of water. He handed it wordlessly to the man and watched him drink most of it in one go. ‘I will tell Fowler to assign someone else to the case. It’s too much for only two people and you are in too much danger to continue. You almost died once already. Simple facts.’ He didn’t say what he really felt. He didn’t say he suddenly feared for his safety. What had been the concern of a machine now was true worry. He wouldn’t allow him to go back to this flat of his. A team of officers would get his cat, but Gavin would stay at the precinct. Or at a safehouse. Whatever was necessary. Nines wouldn’t say any of that to Gavin, it would be too much for now. But he would make sure Gavin was safe first. He had only just now realised how much he truly cared for the man. And he would be damned if he couldn’t help him through this.

He would make sure his partner was safe and sound. And then this serial killer would pay.

[kasienda]

A Miraculous Reveal - Superhero Survey

Ao3 FF.net

Marinette was not only on time for once, but actually early. She allowed herself the luxury of a slow pace as she nibbled at a buttery croissant, still warm from the oven, savoring each flakey bite. Croissants never got old – even when you lived in a bakery. Despite arriving on time, she was still one of the last ones to make it to the classroom. Only Adrien and Ivan had yet to show up.

“Hey Marinette!” Nino greeted from his normal seat.

“Morning Nino! What is Alya doing?” she asked, eyeing her best friend who was on the other side of the room talking to Max and Kim with her nose buried in her notebook as she took notes of whatever they were saying.

“A superhero survey,” Nino explained.  

“A what now?” She asked, taking her usual seat.

“She’s asking everyone who their favorite hero is for the Ladybug.”

Marinette pushed the last piece of pastry into her mouth, wishing she had thought to grab another one. Two had seemed like plenty at the time, but the truth was however many she had, she always wanted just one more.

Alya came down from the back of the room and slid into her seat beside Marinette.

“What’s the verdict of the class, babe?” Nino asked, leaning forward to glance at her tally.

“Five for Ladybug, three for Chat Noir, two votes for Queen Bee and one for Rena Rouge!”

“Let me guess. Chloe and Sabrina for Queen Bee?” Marinette interjected dryly.

“I keep survey responses confidential,” Alya quipped, as she scribbled out her totals in the margin.

“Actually, Chloe voted for Ladybug,” Nino shared.

“Nino!” Alya objected. “I keep survey responses confidential!” Nino and Marinette both ignored her.

“Huh. I guess that makes sense,” Marinette agreed. She really wondered if Chloe would feel the same way if she knew who her heroine was under the mask. “Who’d you vote for, Nino?”

“Rena Rouge,” his eyes darted towards his girlfriend for just a second. He was not subtle.

Marinette’s lips pulled up into a smirk. “I’m sensing a celebrity crush!” she teased.

“Yeah. So what?” he shrugged, but the red in his ears gave him away.

“Careful! Your actual girlfriend might get jealous.” Alya teased, her eyes dancing in merriment. over a smug smirk.

If anything, Nino’s blush deepened.

Alya spared him, and turned her attention to Marinette. “So… Marinette, who do you think is Paris’s best superhero and why?”

Marinette stared up at the ceiling. “I…”

Adrien’s bag thumped onto the table and both girls’ gaze snapped upwards at the sudden noise.

“Adrien! Who’s the best superhero?” Alya asked without greeting.

“Ladybug,” the blond responded immediately, like he didn’t have to think about it at all.

Marinette rolled her eyes, even as she blushed. “So cliché,” she mumbled.

“You have a different opinion, Marinette?” Alya’s hazel eyes swiveled towards her, wide with expectation.

“Yeah, Ladybug would be nothing without Chat Noir,” she asserted.  

Adrien snorted. “Oh please! Half the time he gets turned against her!”

His dismissal of her partner in crime irritated her more than she expected.

“Because she’s clumsy!” she countered. “And he has to take hits for her.”

“Ladybug is not clumsy!” 

“She most certainly is!” Marinette snapped back, not remotely intimidated by his heated glare.

“You guys need to chill!” Alya interjected, eyeing them both in surprise. Her lips turned down in a slight disapproving frown.

That was objectively good advice. Marinette knew it. She could even picture Tikki, eyes wide from the bottom of her purse, her lower lip trembling, begging her to listen. She should stop now while she was ahead. Her teeth clamped down on her fingernails. She shouldn’t say anything.

But her kitty’s honor was as stake.

She whipped out her phone and immediately pulled up the Ladyblog. From the archive, she loaded a video and shoved it in Adrien’s face. 

“Watch! See here! Ladybug is going to trip over air, and when she stumbles, Chat’s right there preventing disaster!”

“This doesn’t count!” Adrien shoved the phone back to her before the video had even gotten to the relevant point. “This was so long ago. She’s improved a lot since then.”

“But so have the villains! I’m telling you, without Chat Noir, Hawkmoth would have won ages ago!”

“Absolutely no way!” the normally polite blond shouted. “Ladybug always finds a way to succeed even when backed into a corner.”

The debate became less calm and civil with every word exchanged. She didn’t consciously remember jumping out of her seat. But now she and Adrien were both standing close enough to share spit droplets that impassioned arguments sent flying. Her body was shaking in agitation as she stared down her opponent.

“It’s Ladybug that does all the saving! She’s the one that finds creative solutions, that cleanses the akuma, that repairs the damage! Chat Noir is a sidekick at best!” Adrien shouted.

“Sidekick?!” she repeated in rage. Marinette clenched her fists to prevent herself from attacking him. She wanted to strangle him in that moment, crush or no crush! Sidekick?! He didn’t understand anything! “Chat Noir protects Ladybug so that she can do those things, he figures out her plans with only two words of explanation. Hell, he’s died to make sure Paris is healed!” Marinette countered hotly.

A bomb of silence exploded across the classroom with that pronouncement. A moment before she had been too absorbed in the fight to notice anyone other than Adrien, but now she could feel all the eyes on her. Her skin was crawling, but she jutted her chin out stubbornly, refusing to give any ground.

“What are you talking about, dude?” Nino broke the silence. “Chat Noir is fine. Someone saw him on Patrol last night. It was on the Ladyblog.”

Horror bubbled from the pit of her stomach as she realized her mistake. She wanted to throw up.

“Y-Yeah! Chat Noir is totally fine! Always has been!” she broke off into nervous laughter. “He certainly did not die in Ladybug’s arms during Timebreaker.”

What was she doing?

“He didn’t sacrifice himself to the Gamer or take a fatal wound from Miraculer!”

She needed to stop talking. Right now.

“Yup!” she finished, popping the p. “Chat Noir’s definitely totally and completely fine! Fine as in healthy. Mentally and physically! Not fine as in handsome. Though he definitely is that too! Objectively attractive, that is.”

She dropped her face into her hands in hopes that no one could see her flaming face.

Alya was already patting her back. “It’s okay girl. We get it. Why don’t you come back to your seat and just calm down?”

Marinette peeked through her fingers and glanced across the classroom. Alya looked patiently amused. Chloe wasn’t looking at her at all – her attention on her nails. Nino, Alix, and Mylene all gave her sweet affectionate and reassuring smiles.

She let her hands fall to her sides. It was okay. It was fine. Alya, Nino, nor Chloe seemed to react to the comment on Miraculer even though they had all been there! She tried not to be irritated. This was good! Her rambling comments were just dismissed. This was just Marinette being… well, Marinette!

Her eyes landed on Adrien who stood before her as still as his wax model – his emerald-green eyes were overblown and his mouth hung wide open.

“Are you okay, Adrien?” she asked him.

His jaw snapped shut and he managed to nod dumbly, before Madam Bustier entered and they all scrambled to their seats. Class progressed as normal. Well, almost normal. Adrien kept twisting around in his seat to look at her. Heat pooled in her cheeks at the unexpected attention. She tried to hide behind her notebook, but each time she risked pulling her cover down, swirling green eyes over puzzled eyebrows froze her in place all over again.

“Adrien, the lesson is up here,” Ms. Bustier gently reminded him.

“Uh… Yes, Ms. Bustier. Sorry, for getting distracted.” His hand rubbed at the back of his neck nervously.

He didn’t turn around again and Marinette rediscovered what it felt like to be able to breathe easily. Her relief was short-lived. At the end of class, Adrien whirled around to face her almost the instant before the bell rang.

“Uh… Marinette?”

She attempted to make eye contact, but she couldn’t hold it. Not the way he was looking at her just now. She didn’t know what it meant or what he was feeling, but it was too much. “Y-Yeah?” She cursed the return of her stammer.

He glanced around the room as if to see if anyone was paying attention. But everyone was focused on stowing away their belongings and leaving for their next class.. He leaned in really close – their noses were only centimeters apart.

She forgot how to breathe again.

“Chat Noir didn’t die for Paris,” he whispered.

Marinette pulled away with gritted teeth, her hands balling into fists once again. She couldn’t let herself back into the debate less she slip again. And she really didn’t want to be mad at him. Adrien was allowed to like Ladybug! Hell, she should be flattered that he liked Ladybug, but he was wrong about Chat Noir!

“Chat Noir died for Ladybug,” he added. His words were so calm, so serious.

All the fight within her evaporated, as she stared at him with her eyes blown wide. How would he know that?

Unless… unless…

“Chat Noir would sacrifice anything for Ladybug. She’s the most important person in his life. The moments spent with her are his favorite.”

Now she really couldn’t breathe. Her brain had turned to mush, her thoughts and feelings were total entropy, chaos – spinning too fast to grasp onto anything. But something big had just happened. She had all the pieces. They just needed to…

…Snap together.

No way!

“Just like moments spent with you are some of my favorite,” he finished. Only his voice seemed so far away, and the world was collapsing in on her chest.

Was he smiling? How had he gotten so far away?

“Earth to Marinette!” Alya called from her left. “Why aren’t you packing up your stuff?” 

Marinette couldn’t respond - she couldn’t even turn her head away from the blond boy in front of her.

“Adrien! What did you do to my girl?! I think she’s broken.”

He laughed. Like genuinely laughed. Not the polite sweet laugh she associated with Adrien. It was a full belly roll. It was Chat’s laugh. He looked at her again with a small smile.

She wanted to return the gesture. But her mind was catching up to her and she still couldn’t breathe! She had pushed Adrien off a building. She had refused Adrien’s confessions. She had kissed Adrien!

His smile evaporated, and just like that he was at her side again.

“Are you disappointed?”

She shook her head rapidly.

“Are you panicking?” he guessed.

And then she nodded.

He offered his hand. She clung to it like it was a life line.

“It’s okay my lady,” he whispered. “I’m right here.”

She focused on his voice, suddenly more familiar than she had ever realized. Her eyes drank in the curve of his jawline and the upturn of his lips. The feel of his hand in her own – his ungloved bare hand – his smooth flawless model skin against her calluses caused by years of poking herself with needles. This was Chat Noir without his gloves on. His overshirt was white. She giggled hysterically. Chat Noir was wearing white! She pressed her nose to his shirt and breathed in, only to be greeted with the faint scent of camembert. That was for Plagg, she realized. This was her partner. The man she trusted with her life.

She could breathe again. She felt more grounded in that moment than she had in years.

“It’s you,” she whispered.

His smile rivaled the sun in its brightness. “At your service, princess.”

Tears sprang from her eyes like water released from a dam. She launched her arms around him. “Oh my god!” she exclaimed through delighted giggles. “It’s you!”

“You already said that,” he commented softly.

She flicked him at the throat where his bell would have been before seizing him in another hug, delighting in how well his form fit against her own despite their differences in height.  

“So, you understand now?” she finally asked, pulling back so she could better see his face. Their hands remained joined. When had they started holding hands?

“Understand what?” Adrien repeated, his green eyes glowing like star light as he drank in the sight of her.

“That Ladybug is nothing without Chat Noir,” she finished in a whisper.

“Not a chance!” Adrien exclaimed, barking out another genuine laugh - a Chat Noir laugh. That was his true laugh.

“I stand by everything that I said more than ever, Nette!” he said, his thumb caressed the back of hers.

She blushed at the new nickname, recognizing it as an abbreviation of Buginette and Marinette both.

“But!” she tried to interject.

He pulled her into another hug. “But I’m sure Chat Noir appreciates that he is needed.”

“He had better!” Marinette growled, even as she let herself melt into his arms.

“What is happening right now?” Alya interjected from behind her phone. She was clearly taking pictures, or maybe, recording a video. “Explain. Now.”

Adrien and Marinette both glanced at Alya, then shared a look with each other, before turning back to Alya.

“No,” they both said simultaneously. Marinette let Adrien lead her gently the classroom hand in hand.

“Nino! What just happened?” Alya exclaimed behind them.

“No idea babe, but I think your ship might be sailing?

“Maybe both of them,” Marinette whispered, letting her head fall onto her partner’s arm, no longer feeling remotely nervous around him.

[imagine-loki]

Wedded Bliss

TITLE: Wedded Bliss CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 43 AUTHOR: MaliceManaged ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Odin determined to find Loki a wife in a misguided, though somewhat well-intentioned attempt to ‘mellow him’. … RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: Finally figured out how to fix a bit here that was bugging me. Now if only that focus would extend to editing the next chapter…

_______________________

    There was a rather noticeable tension between Steve and Natasha when they returned from their SHIELD mission, but it seemed to evaporate the moment they were told about the attempt on Edith’s life. Natasha immediately began interrogating Loki, at least until Edith cut in to ask about whatever had her and Steve at odds. Steve seemed reluctant to talk about it, but Natasha explained it as a disagreement about compartmentalisation of orders, something that earned her a glare from the Captain.

    “This isn’t about the orders; I need to know I can count on you.”

    “You’re a big boy, Steve; you can handle yourself just fine. If you’d needed me, I would’ve been there, but you didn’t.”

    Steve went to respond, but Edith stood between them. “Guys; come on. How about we don’t fight, yeah? I think we have enough to worry about.”

    “Yeah, like who’s taking shots at you,” Natasha redirected.

    “You’re all making it a bigger deal than it is, but sure! If that’s what it takes.”

    “‘A bigger deal’, Edie?” Clint said incredulously, “The guy used a bullet strong enough to actually hurt Loki, who’s practically bulletproof in case you’ve forgotten; if he hadn’t been there, you’d be dead.”

    “I didn’t say it wasn’t a serious attempt, but seriously, guys, it’s not the first time someone tries to have me killed! Maybe chill a little.”

    “Oh, I’ll chill, alright; just as soon as I stick whoever gave the order full of arrows.”

    “Assuming you get to them first,” Loki said half under his breath, trying very hard to keep the shred of calm he’d managed to attain since the attack and the subsequent argument with Edith. He turned to address Steve and Natasha, “Might your mission shed any light on SHIELD’s problem?”

    “Not sure yet,” Natasha replied, “Fury will need to look over the intel I got.”

    “Which he’ll then share with us, because he’s generous like that,” Tony said sarcastically.

    “I’m sure you’d have no problem finding a way to get it.”

    “It’s the principle of the thing.”

    “So, what do we do now?” Edith asked before they could get off target again.

    “I’ll go follow up on the investigation of the shooter,” Natasha replied, beginning to move towards the elevator.

    “You just got back!” Edith called after her, causing her to stop and turn back to her with a raised eyebrow as if to ask ‘your point?’, “Clint can do that; he’s occasionally a SHIELD agent, too.”

    “Hey, come on,” Clint complained as the others chuckled. “Like I’m not busting my ass on the other side of the planet half the time,” he grumbled partly to himself as he walked towards the elevator, “Edie’s right, though; I’ll go bother whoever’s in charge of the investigation, you… do whatever it is you do post-mission.”

    “It’s called a shower, Clint; you might have heard of it,” Natasha replied as the elevator opened and he got in.

    “Yeah, that’s the thing with the soap, right?” he said as the doors closed.

    Edith turned back to Tony. “Have you and Steve made any progress on your end?”

   “Annoyingly little,” Tony replied with a frown, “Whoever’s behind this is smart, and adapting to what I’ve thrown at them so far. I’ll get ’em, though; they are not smarter than me.”

    “I love how sure you are about that,” Edith couldn’t help but tease, earning a mock glare.

    “We’ll keep digging,” Steve said. “I don’t suppose there’s any point asking you to stay in the tower for a couple days?” That earned him a real glare and he raised his hands in surrender. “Just making sure.”

    “Uh-huh, sure you were,” Edith retorted, crossing her arms at her chest, “Guys, I appreciate the concern, but I am every bit the fighter you are; stop trying to treat me like a kid just because someone shot at me for the – oh, I don’t know – thousandth time?”

    “It’s one thing for you to be shot at in the middle of a fight, quite another for someone to specifically target you for assassination,” Natasha countered, raising a finger to forestall Edith’s argument, “It’s not the first time that happens, but it’s the first they almost succeeded; can you really blame us?”

    Edith frowned then let out a deep sigh. “No. No, I can’t.” She pointed a finger in their direction, eyeing Loki for a second longer than the rest of them, “But you are not keeping me in a bubble.”

    “Of course not,” Steve agreed easily, “Knowing you, you’d find a way to blow your way out.”

****

    Edith made her way through her vocal exercises as she stared at the lit candle before her, the familiar rising and falling notes and the swaying of the flame carrying away all conscious thought, which was her aim. Now that she was alone, events began to catch up with her, and she’d be lying to say none of it bothered her. She was used to being in danger – on the field, not returning from a shopping trip/date. It had been quite some time since threats to her came from anything other than her being an Avenger; she had forgotten how unsettling it was. Part of her was annoyed at how it still affected her at all and how absurdly grateful she was that Loki had been there; she was hardly a child anymore, and the mere thought of coming to rely on her boyfriend for safety chaffed, particularly with how he’d reacted to the situation.

    She hadn’t yet talked to him, not sure she could without ending up yelling, but his actions had hurt. She understood where he was coming from, of course she did; that didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t trusted her to back him up. He claimed to see her as a capable fighter, and yet he had completely side-lined her without a thought. That was not the action of someone who respected her and her abilities. As much as she loved him, she couldn’t just stand back and let him treat her as though she were a porcelain doll. She didn’t think her sanity, or their relationship, could take that.

    As the thoughts began to creep back, she transitioned from her warm up into an improvised rendition of Meyerbeer’s ‘Ombre légère qui suis mes pas’, forcing her mind to clear again but for the words needed. It was perhaps, she considered, not the most practical of ways to deal with things, but she wasn’t about to stop. She could consider her coping mechanisms and looming mortality later.

    A knock on her door interrupted the beginnings of another song, and she blew out the candle and called for Steve to enter, turning towards the door almost warily, causing him to laugh softly. “Relax, Edie; I’m not here to lecture you or anything.” He walked over to her and set down a few pages he’d pulled out of his sketchbook on the corner of the desk. “Just came to drop these off.”

    “Oh, okay,” she replied, taking up the pages and looking at the pictures drawn on them. It was their unspoken agreement; Steve didn’t complain (much) about Edith’s penchant for buying him art supplies with her own money as long as she didn’t go overboard (again), and in return she said nothing when he used them to draw things for her to colour in.

    “At the risk of pissing you off,” he began, earning a sidelong glance, “We don’t worry because we don’t think you can handle yourself. Of course we know you can, especially Nat and me, we trained you. But we agreed to let you become an Avenger, we agreed to let you go out there with us; you can argue all you want, but ultimately every single one of us feels that you’re our responsibility. And I know that annoys you, believe me I do, but we don’t exactly do it on purpose. It kinda just,” he shrugged a bit helplessly, “Happens.”

    Edith rolled her eyes. “God, you’re all such moms.” He laughed. “I guess I can understand that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it. Especially since that’s apparently all I can do.”

    “Yeah, that’s a good point,” he conceded with a nod. He thought about it for a moment before asking, “Everything okay with you and Loki? You seemed a bit… off.”

    “No, everything is not okay, but we haven’t talked about it yet, so.”

    “Fair enough.”

****

    Alexander Pierce fought the urge to roll his eyes as he took his seat; the man across from him was almost fidgeting in nervousness, and if he didn’t need him, he’d be tempted to shoot him just to get him to be still. “So, your shooter failed. I warned you it wouldn’t be that easy.”

    “He was a sniper; he wasn’t supposed to be noticed before the first shot!” the man defended, “That… thing. That alien complicated things.”

    “Yeah, they seem to do that.”

    “What about Virginia Potts? Why not target her instead? Stark genuinely cares about her, by all accounts.”

    Pierce scoffed. “He cares about her, sure, but this is Tony Stark we’re talking about; killing her would mostly just piss him off. But sweet little Edith? She’s his goddaughter, his responsibility, and he takes that very seriously. Her death will break him.”

    “Why not just kill him? If he’s such a problem?”

    “Kill Iron Man?” Pierce replied with a raised eyebrow, “If you can manage that; I’ll buy you a drink myself. There’s a lot of people who want him dead, but until our project is up and running, he’s untouchable. Miss Matthews, however, is stubborn and reckless; ergo, she’s a… slightly easier target. And once she’s gone? Well, maybe – just maybe – he gives us fewer problems.”

    “That still leaves the matter of how to take her out. With that partner of hers, we’d never get close.”

    “He is proving to be a nuisance. After today, I doubt he’ll leave her side very long. Might be time to up our game to match.”

    “You mean…?” Pierce nodded. “But isn’t that a risk? It’s not just the alien; the rest of them will be more alert.”

    “But they won’t be with her all the time…”

[geldris]

Merry Christmas, @velvetcovered-brick! I hope you had an amazing holiday! I was your @yoisecretsanta18 Santa, and I wrote you this fic (trying to pander to your post-canon, coaching, Viktuuri interests. And maybe a bit of Plinami? Who knows!) I hope you enjoy it! 

Fic under the cut or check it out on archive! 

With You or Against You

“Wow! Look at you go!” Yuuri genuinely encouraged, cheering on the small skater as he made his way across the ice: wobbly and imperfect, sure, but definitely more progress. The small seven year old beamed at him brightly, chubby cheeked and beaded with sweat. He’d only been practicing for a few months, but Yuuri fondly was reminded of his times as a child skater.

Now, he leaned against the walls of the rink, propping his leg against a colorful advertisement. The student, who he affectionately nicknamed Aki, was his last of the young, amateur students of the day. Yuuri noted his mother smiling affectionately at her son from the entrance of the ring and decided to make his way over.

“Aki, why don’t you get some water. I think we’re finished for the day!” He gave the young boy a gentle push on the lower back.

His student's mother grinned as they both made their way off the ice. “What an honor it is to get my child trained by such a local celebrity,” she gushed; thankfully, she didn’t dare be flirtatious. She only looked as if she wanted to pinch his cheeks and maybe ask for an autograph. Throughout all these years, Yuuri still wasn’t immune to blushing at any sort of compliments from strangers, and did so now, his cheeks melting into a light pink.

“W-well, I wouldn’t say celebrity. Only people who keep up with the Olympics really--”

“Oh shush! We are all so proud to have you here, Yuuri. And coaching of all things… usually those professional skaters live a life in the spotlight after retiring. How nice it is to have you remaining so local!” she continued her tirade, not letting Yuuri get a word in, “And Viktor, too!” she tacked on, a bit more passion in her voice as she released his name into the air. Though Viktor was happily married, women still couldn't help admiring him from afar.

Yuuri couldn't help but admire Viktor from afar either. Until he remembered that he was the one married to him. Even so, it seemed some things never changed.

They said their goodbyes, Yuuri taking a quick drink before he made his way back onto the ice, now alone.

Viktor had taken to coaching as well, but only one student: Yurio. Japan was crowded between the three of them and their personalities (the two Russians, in particular), but they managed to all live in relative peace. Meanwhile, Yuuri spent his time surrounded by child skaters, only taking on one professional, who was now skating very eagerly onto the ice.

“Yuuri~!” he shouted excitedly, making his way across the ice at rapid speeds, waving both hands all-too-eager. Instantly, the young boy began a ramble that turned to buzzing in Yuuri’s ears, though he tried to smile and nod.

Yuuri had taken on Minami as a student due mostly to the latter’s incessant asking. After retiring, he was content to relax in Japan with his now-husband, not travel the world to coach someone else’s grand prix. And yet.. Minami admired him so much. The concept of rejecting him nearly broke both their hearts.

Reflecting further, Yuuri found himself dazing off more and more, Minami needing little more than his eyes on him to vent loudly to himself. It had been a long day; he was, admittedly, a bit tired. The noise began to blur together more, further drooping him into a bit of a daydream.

“Yuuri,” a voice behind him whispered into his ear, “I know you didn’t forget it was Yurio and I who scheduled for the ice at this time, no?”

Yuuri couldn’t help but loudly gasp, falling backwards. He’d have made a fool of himself if he didn’t fall directly into someone’s chest. He turned, adjusting his now lopsided glasses as he faced Viktor, who had one hand propped on his hip in some type of mock shame.

Minami was quick to skate to his side. “Yurio is practicing with us?!” it came out as part shocked gasp, and part squeal.

Yurio snorted as he stretched one leg naturally onto the barricade, not yet entering the ice. “No way. I don’t share the ice.”

“Come on! We can practice together! It’ll be so fun!” Minami persisted.

Yurio’s eyes nearly made Yuuri feel fear with how cold they shone, even though he knew being nervous around Yurio was a bit of a joke at this point. Minami, however, was completely unaffected.

A few more seconds of glaring later and Yurio refocused on his stretching. “No way, kid.”

“I’m older than you!”

“Not in skating years.”

“Skating years?!”

Yuuri managed to zone out again as their bickering increased, refocusing on his husband who was still looking at him with faux-shame. “Minami and I always practice this time on Thursdays.” Yuuri pouted.

Two fingers poked against his forehead teasingly, and lingered there, brushing his bangs aside. “You practice with all types of students every day. But competitions are right around the corner. It’s time to share,” he raised his voice a bit “Or Yurio may not even qualify for the Grand Prix!”

Minami guffawed loudly, both the younger men breaking out of their bickering as Yurio threw the closest nearby skate (easily-dodgable) at Viktor’s head. “I heard that, idiot!”

Viktor merely smirked as he turned back to Yuuri. “I’m sure he’ll qualify just fine,” Yuuri smiled, “he just won’t win.” Both the Russians went wide-eyed at that, but Yuuri only gave them a wink.

“The future champion and I will be practicing. But you’re free to share the ice, Coach Viktor.” And Yuuri gave him the smuggest smirk of his own, gliding away towards his student who was practically rolling on the ice with laughter.

He didn’t have to look behind him to know Viktor watched him with a smile. But he did hear a stream of loud Russian threats from a very offended blonde.

~ - ~ -

The next Thursday, Yuuri finished once again conversing with Aki’s mother, walking her outside the rink to say goodbye and talk about her son’s progress.

“Yuuri!” Minami interrupted, waving as he hopped to the door. “Ready for more practice today?!” The young boy was always full of energy, and though the upbeatness at times exhausted Yuuri, it was nice having a student who had the same endurance and stamina that he had during his competition days.

“Of course, why don’t you start stretching inside and I’ll be there in a minute?”

Minami nodded, giving his coach a salute as he skipped towards the building.

Minutes later, Yuuri walked Aki and his mother to the car, and was surprised to turn around and see Minami waiting for him by the door.

“Why aren’t you stretching?”

“Uh… I figured you’d like to see.”

Yuuri pursed his lips at that, blinking in genuine curiosity. “See…?” he muttered, walking with a quicker pace as Minami trailed behind him.

He pushed open the doors, looking out onto the ice. His senses were suddenly flooded with the loud echoing of piano and skates against the ice.

He blinked, absorbing the scene before him. Viktor stood on the sides of the ice, a finger against his chin as Yurio did a run through of his free skate.

“Viktor? What are you--”

“Yuuri, my love!” he shouted happily, “Good to see you. Yurio and I began, but as you said last week, feel free to share!”

“Or feel free to leave!” Yurio shouted in the middle of his spin.

“Yuuri,” Minami whispered, “I guess we are sharing the ice from now on?”

Yuuri, however, was all eyes on his husband. His Viktor, who had already turned away from him and was correcting Yurio’s technique. He was flooded with the memories of when Viktor was coaching him, the passion in his eyes as he sculpted those who he deemed to have potential into the perfect skater.

Yes, it was that look in his eyes that had made Yuuri want to coach in the first place.

~ - ~ - ~

Viktor and Yuuri both stood outside the ice, eyes on their respective students as they practiced. Neither had exchanged more than a few statements with the other, meters between them. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just one filled with a serious, busy focus.

Viktor chose to break that quiet first.

“Your student is rather good, Yuuri. He’s improved such a long way from years ago, when you were up against him.”

“Yes, he has,” Yuuri smiled proudly.

He walked over to his husband and laced their fingers together. Their careers aside, they rarely went a long period of time without some physical contact if they were in the same room. Plus, practice was almost over: soon, they’d be returning to their home, and all the domestic normalcy that came with it.

“It’s a shame, really.” Viktor muttered after a minute, his sigh a bit too theatrical.

“What’s that?” Yuuri asked, warning on his lips.

“That he has to lose to Yurio.” Viktor smirked, turning towards him.

Yuuri’s eyes narrowed, but not for long. He quickly put on his most mysterious smile, turning to his husband and putting both arms around his neck. Any suspicion Viktor had evaporated with the contact, as he distracted himself with reaching a hand to Yuuri’s neck, playing with the ends of his hair.

“I love watching you as a coach. It reminds me of when you were my coach. You were the only coach for me, Viktor,” he muttered against his husband’s ear. “Do you want to know my favorite memory?” he asked, innocent.

Viktor merely hummed in acknowledgement, too focused on brushing strands of Yuuri’s growing hair behind his ear.

Yuuri continued nonetheless. “It was when I had defeated your record at the Grand Prix final. The way you looked at me when you said I had made you so proud as a coach, and yet so excited to compete again.”

Viktors fingers stopped their teasing. “Yuuri…?”

“I’m just so excited, Viktor,” Yuuri leaned closer to his husband, meeting his wide eyes as he whispered against his lips “I just can’t wait to defeat you as a coach, too.”

Viktor blinked, cheeks pink and eyes wide, as Yuuri pecked him and skated away.

Yuuri laughed on the ice as Viktor was still at a loss for words, mouth agape.

He loved his husband dearly, as his best friend, his longtime crush, his lifelong hero. Then as a coach, a rinkmate, a lover.

But more than anything, he loved the spark in Viktor’s eyes as he saw him as an equal. A competitor. Someone that could match his genius, reflect it, and keep him going.

“Come on, Coach Viktor,” Yuuri laughed, “Don’t let me defeat you again!”

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

SCSI... Can I end this here? Is this ok? My mind has the broke

Eren couldn't quite believe that Levi had given his permission to Armin and Mikasa, to join them on their journey. His wish had been his, a wish for Rilee he'd trusted to Levi. A wish he now wished he hadn't said anything at all. It was for their family. For the four of them. If he'd wanted the others to come, he would have extended the invitation. Yet. There he was. Stuck with Mikasa and Armin watching him all the time. With the pair of them fussing and wanting to help with his children so often that he felt like he was doing everything wrong. Sina, Armin had even brought a powdered milk formula Hanji had worked on in case he hadn't been able to feed them. He was left with the feeling that he wasn't even welcome, and that he wasn't contributing. His journey with his family, was now him tagging along with Levi's kids... plus Armin and Mikasa. Hiding in his tent, Eren was watching the twins sleep. He wasn't allowed to scout with the others, because he was supposed to be healing and resting. He'd bled more than a little after riding on the first day, but a good nights sleep had helped. Followed by another nights sleep, and another, and another... and he was still on the outside. Rather than riding atop the walls, they were alternating between sleeping on top of the wall, and riding along it during the day. They hadn't encounter any convenient lifts, so we're forced to leave the horses at ground level... where the others were. He could seriously just leave and they probably wouldn't even notice. Only, he wouldn't leave the twins. He loved them too much to let them rest without protection... or leave them at all. He was just sick of feeling stuck in the hole he'd fallen into. Sick of being stuck in the same low mood, day after day. Which lead to his plan that might not have been completely thought out. He just needed to wait until that night. Then he was going to take a walk, take some time for himself and recenter, without being watched nonstop. Even though he was sitting almost alone in the tent, he couldn't yell or scream out his frustrations. He couldn't take five minutes to just talk to himself and figure things out, because even if the twins didn't understand the words, he didn't want them hearing him complain anymore than they had. "Eren, you in there?" Where else was he going to be? No, sorry Levi. I've just popped down to the bakers to get some decent bread... he didn't think Levi would appreciate his snarky sarcasm "The twins are sleeping" Poking his head into the tent, Levi's face softened as he looked to the twins "How've they been?" "Sleeping" "We cleared out the wolves ahead, so we'll be moving out after we've had cleaned up and had something to eat" What if he'd wanted to stay? Nope. Levi hadn't even asked him. Instead, it was a simple "we'll be moving out". Fuck. He needed tomstoo being so pissy. He needed to take a breath and get over himself. Levi was back, and he was safe. That was the main thing... "Eren, are you listening?" "Sorry. I'll get them ready to leave" "Are you alright?" "Hmm... yeah. I guess I'm still sleepy" "Are you sure? You smell distressed" "I'm fine. Go eat" "Have you eaten?" "Yeah" "Alright. The horses are saddled and ready to go, so you don't need to worry about that" "Like I haven't worried about if for the last three days" Levi frowned "Eren. Is there something you want to say?" "It's fine" "If you want to talk, I'm here for you" He wanted to do more than talk. He wanted to yell and scream, but without knowing what he wanted to vocalise, it was safer to stay quiet, in case something slipped out that he could never take back "It's fine, really" * Levi sighed to himself as they made camp for the night. With the strong cold wind howling from the south, they'd been forced to make camp against the base of the wall. Within the next two or three days, they'd be reaching Shinganshima. At first, he thought that might be what was plaguing Eren's mind, but the cold gazes he'd shoot towards Mikasa and Armin told him that maybe he hadn't been forgiven over accepting them into their party. Eren had mumbled about it, but fell silent. He'd thought his fiancé understood the sincerity of Mikasa and Armin's desires to make his wish for Rilee to come true. It was hard to find any sort of balance between the four of them, when Eren didn't want to meet them half way, but he was still trying. He took Mikasa and Armin out each time he scouted ahead, in order to give Eren a little breathing space, and it was thanks to them that the journey had progressed so smoothly so far. Mikasa's skills with her blades nearly matched his own, while Armin's analytical mind rivalled Hanji's and Erwin's combined. He was loathe to admit, but the pair of them smoothed out his rasher and angrier actions in battles much like his old team had. Returning from his walk, Levi found Mikasa and Armin already fast asleep. They were in no real danger, as they'd cleared the wolves from the area earlier, still, he didn't like the fact that no one had kept watch over the small camp, because no one could get themselves into trouble, quite like Eren could. Walking towards their tent, he hoped Eren would be sleeping. He hadn't been sleeping that well, and they always slept with the twins between them. He missed laying next to Eren as he slept. He missed waking up beside him, and watching Eren's face as he slept. The smile that played on his lips. The fluttering of his eyelashes before his brilliantly green eyes finally opened and his pink lips would form a soft smile. It felt far too long since he'd seen it. Pushing the tent flap back, he frowned when he found just their twins sleeping on Eren's bedroll, both covered by the blankets that should be covering his brat. His first instinct was panic, before realising Eren probably needed to use the bathroom and that was why he wasn't there. He wouldn't go far. Not with the twins and not with no one watching over them. When Levi heard howling, he couldn't have scrambled from the tent fast enough. Roused, Mikasa burst from the tent she shared with Armin. Her blades drawn "What was that? It sounded close" "I'm going to check it out. Stay here and watch the twins" "No, I'll help. Eren and Armin will be safe" "Eren..." He couldn't admit Eren wasn't there and that he had no idea where he was "... is using the bathroom. I'll grab him and take him with me" "He's what?!" Why was the girl so shocked that the teen might need to take a shit?! It was hardly worth getting huffy over, or being shocked about "Using the bathroom. I need you to watch my children..." "Nothing will happen to them. Go find Eren. Make sure he's safe" Running from their camp, Levi headed towards where he thought the howl came from. Pushing into the darkness, his eyes widened as he heard trees cracking. Tightening his grips on his blades, he didn't yell Eren's name out, as he didn't want to alert Mikasa to the fact he didn't actually know where the teen was. With the cold winds, the sky was clear. The moon bright over the forest as it bathed it in silver hues. Landing on a low branch, Levi surveyed the sight in front of him. Eren's Lycan form was tearing through the remnants of a werewolf pack. The battle field was bloodied, instead of merely slaying the werewolves, they'd been pulled apart, limbs and torsos in varying stages of steaming as they vanished. It wasn't just a battle, it was slaughter. A mindless slaughter that sent a shiver down his spine. Eren looked happy. His top lip curled as if to smile, while pulling strips of flesh from the werewolf pinned beneath him. The whole sight rather reminiscent of when he'd killed the pureblood vampire woman "Eren!" Snarling, Eren raised his head. Spittle flying as his claws tightened into the chest of the struggling werewolf. Warning Levi that he was approaching Eren's kill, and not to interrupt. A warning Levi disregard "Eren! Finish it off, or get off!" Looking down to his kill, Eren let out a growling huff, before tearing the werewolf's throat out. Snapping and snarling, he pushed his lumbering form from the steaming corpse, dealing with the two other werewolves, and leaving Levi to put the ones struggling on the forest floor out their misery... ultimately leaving the pair of them staring at each other. Placing his hand out, Levi waited for Eren to make the first move to close the few feet between them. Huffing and panting, Eren's whole form shook "Come on brat... shift back. The twins are waiting for you" Growling, Eren turned to look in the direction Levi had come from "That's it... Mikasa and Armin are watching over them" Eren looked back to him, hunching forward as he roared in Levi's face "Eren?" Slamming his hand down beside him, Eren leaned further in. His breath stinking of rot "Shift back already. We can't talk like this" Jerking back from him, Eren walked away from him. Slumping to the ground with a loud thud. The Lycan form evaporating around him, as his lover emerged. Standing in the remands of his Lycan, Eren screamed. He screamed and sobbed, until Levi ran to his side. Grabbing Eren's shoulders, his fiancé ignored him, continuing his cries "Eren, hey. No, come on... I'm not angry" Gathering him against him, Eren's knees gave out. Landing in a tangled pile, Eren tried to struggle weakly from his hold, steam running up in tendrils between them "For Sina's sake brat. Calm down. You're going to hurt yourself" Caught by Eren's curled fist, Levi hissed at the blow to his jaw "Calm down!" Slowly Eren calmed in his hold, falling silent. His body still twitching and jolting against him as they both laid there. Running his fingers through Eren's hair, he kissed the teen's temple "Do you want to tell me what the fuck that was?" "I found some wolves" "I noticed that bit" "Then what's there to talk about?" "Why you were pulling them to pieces rather than just slaying them on the spot?" "They were manageable" "Eren" "Don't. I don't want to talk" "Well I do. What were you doing away from camp? Especially with Mikasa and Armin asleep, and no one watching Rilee and Eli" "Can't I go for a walk, or go to the bathroom in peace?" "You can, but neither explain why you're so far from camp" "I got... no. You know what. I went for a walk. You all treat me like in a fucking burden, so I went for a walk to clear my fucking head before I ended up yelling at any of you" "So you ran away" "If you're going to be an arsehole, I'm leaving" "I'm trying to understand" "What part of "you're all treating me like shit", don't you get?" "Just how are we treating you like shit?" "Because none of you let me do anything" "You're..." "If you tell me more one time in recovering, I'm going to cut your testicles off and shove them down your throat" From his tone, Levi didn't doubt that Eren was serious... and he was seriously connected to his testicles "I wasn't going to" "Bullshit. You and Mikasa and Armin, you all fucking take over" "What do we take over?" "Everything. You change the twins. You bathe the twins, Armin brought that milk powder so I'm not even needed to feed them. You make me stay in the tent all the time. I'm not allowed to take a dump or have dinner without one of you demanding to know what I'm up to, or watching me. I can't even... I don't even feel like their my children. Ok. I'm just a bloody wet nurse for your children while you take them all the ocean" Levi felt like ice water had been poured over his head. Whatever he'd expected to fall from Eren's lips, this wasn't this... "There's a difference between caring and supporting someone, and making them feel so self conscious that they can barely function" "A wet nurse... they're your children too" "And how often do I get to tend to them when you three at camp? Levi, when was the last time I did anything at all? This... this was for Rilee. For our daughter" "They know that. That's why they're here. They want to make this wish come true" "Then go with them! If the fact I skated these wolves still proves I'm useless, than go with them..." "Are you asking me to choose? Between them and you? I chose to bring them for your sake. For the dream you spent so many nights telling me about. The ocean. Kilometres of endless blue with a never ending supply of salt... the beach. With so much sand that the water can never wash it all away... I thought you'd want them there. With us. The four of us, and the two of them..." "You know I'm not ok! So why... why would you make them see me like this?" "Because they're your friends!" "I don't know what I am any more! Or who I am! This, this was... this was my chance to find a way out of my head. This was supposed to be for Rilee. So I could find my way back, and be the best mother I can be for her and for Eli, because he's just as important to me as she is. I'm exhausted Levi. An exhaustion that never ends, because I can't relax. I want to be the one to clean the twins up, to wipe their snotty noses or change them. I want to be the one to feed them and to hold them. I want to be happy... I want to explore the world with you, and our children... but... I can't continue with you. Not when I feel like this" Letting Eren sit back from his hold, Levi felt like his head was muddled. With all of Eren's words, he still didn't know what exactly his lover was asking of him. The man's heart was racing with a pain he didn't know how to label "Eren. What are you asking from me? Are you saying you don't want to be with me anymore?" "No... maybe. You know I love you, but I can't be with you... not while it's the 5 of you, while I'm pushed aside" "You know I would choose you every single time. You know what you mean to me!" "I'm not saying this to be cruel. Levi, my heart is breaking. I don't know what to do anymore... but I do know that this isn't working" "Do you want me to send them away? Hanji, or Erwin, they'll figure it out. They may have sent a party out after us as it is" "How can I claim them as my best friends, when I can't... when I can't stand them watching? I can't stand the look in their eyes. I can't stand the whispers as night. I can't do this any longer..." Reaching out, Levi took Eren's hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it "It's alright. I understand. I'll ask them to leave" "They won't be happy" "Between your happiness and theirs... there's no comparison. I will take the blame" "You can't..." "For you, I can" "It's not your burden to carry" "Your burdens are my burdens. I want to be there for you. As your partner, and your alpha. Always, Eren" "I'm tired of being so mad at you. I want to love you. I want to be happy the twins are alive. That they're here... but all I feel is anger and frustration, and that everything is passing me by" "I'll talk to them in the morning" "I'm sorry for making you choose" "You didn't make me choose. From the moment I fell for you, you have always been my choice"

[aristarshower]

Star Catcher

Masterpost 

Adventure Nineteen-A chase across the void

“Alina! You can’t be serious! We can’t go on! We need to turn back now!” The whole ship fell silent. V shrugged off their stares.

“This isn’t a time to question orders, V.” Alina’s voice was low and menacing.

“This isn’t the time for insane risks like this either.”

He might have a point captain. We don’t know the long term effects of being here. V hoped Harpie’s calm logic would work but Alina looked as determined as before.

“We are wasting time now.” Dex said gently. V stared at him in disbelief.

“Dex is right.” Nisha said softly. “Set the course I sent you, Harpie.” And just like that V’s protest was left behind.

“Use the dust.” Alina commanded and the ship shot forward. V walked out of the control room letting the door fall shut behind him.

***

Dex went looking for V after Nisha nudged him to the door.

“I can take care of this. At the rate we are burning dust we should be there in less than an hour. Maybe even half.”

“Thanks.”

V’s door was locked.

“V, let me in.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m scared too, V , please.”

“You should’ve thought about that before calling me a waste of time.” Dex let his head thud against the door.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry. I was just worried we’d leave after realizing we spent too much time arguing.”

“So what if we did?”

“Jai.” There was complete silence from the other side.

The comms inside V’s room burst into life.

Get to my room, now! Jai’s link is broken. Harpie’s words sent a chill down Dex’s spine. The door slammed open and they ran.

***

It must have been destroyed completely. There’s no signal at all.

“Shit! Were there any messages before it died?”

No, sorry.

“Will we be okay without the link?” V hated the question but it had to be asked.

I don’t know. Harpie looked as panicked as V felt.

“We need to tell Alina.”

Dex paced around the room. “We should go back.”

“Now! Now you say we should go back!”

V please. Harpie lifted V off his feet and deposited him in the opposite side of the room from Dex. Then they turned to Dex. I need both of you to calm down and do things one at a time. First, we don’t need to tell Alina. I have secondary links just outside the wormhole. We should be fine for now. Second, Jai is beyond help right now. Even if we hurry back we won’t be there in time. Third, remember that only the earpiece is gone. It could just have been an accident.

Dex breathed deeply and let her words sink in. “Okay. I’ll get back to the control room…”

The comms came back to life. “We’re here. V, get in your suit.”

***

The silence in the control room was uncomfortable. Nisha and V were suited up. V did not complain and Alina felt even more unsettled than she did before. V had never directly opposed her that much. He was always the first to jump in after Alina, even before Nisha. Alina hoped he was wrong for going against her.

“In and out. The Shark is around but we are too small for it to notice or care. Just fire up the harvester to maximum and get as many canisters as you can at once.”

“Yes, captain.”

“Sure.” Alina let the attitude slide. V was clearly having some kind of a breakdown.

***

“Woah!”

“Shit!”

The universe felt different. That was all Nisha could tell. She couldn’t even tell how it felt different but it did. There was some new undercurrent that she never felt before.

“What is that?”

“What?” Alina asked. Despite her stoic bearing from before, she sounded terrified when Nisha seemed to be in danger.

“It feels different out here.” V’s anger was completely gone.

“Bad different?”

“No, just weird.”

Hurry up. The shark is getting close and I want to leave before it decides to chew on this part of the star.

The half assembled harvester was hanging between them. Nisha fixed four canisters into it while V did the same on his side. They each had twelve canisters which was enough to power a whole fleet of ships across the universe.

“We’re close enough, go!” The harvester blinked on and the canisters glowed from the input.

“We’ll do all three harvests.” Nisha said, softly just to V.

“Fine.” He was back to sulking but Nisha knew V loved the weightlessness too much to be moody for long.

“It feels nice to just take stuff for once. No patrol ships.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh come on, I’m trying here.” V sighed.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just worried. There’s too much at stake.”

“Hey, we always have your back. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, thanks Nisha.”

Shark! Nisha had never heard Harpie scream before and the sound chilled her to the bone.

***

“Abort! Abort!” Alina shouted.

“Calm down, Alina, the shark is headed this way but not to kill us. It’s just eating. I’m sure we can just dodge it.”

“Nisha, V, get the current batch of canisters and get back in immediately.”

“Copy that, captain. And Harpie, please don’t ever scream again.”

“My ears are still ringing.”

Harpie just laughed but they were all on edge. Alina turned off the comms to Nisha and V.

“I want a continuous shark update. Stay on it. If it moves I want to know. Dex, stay on Nisha and V. Amani, keep weapons ready, I want to fire if it gets too close.”

“Won’t do much against this, cap.”

“Yes, but it might give us a chance to get far away.”

“Dig, go to the loading dock and help Nisha and V when they get back. I want them back and safe as fast as possible.”

You got it.

With everyone busy around her, Alina watched the ominous outline of the space shark and the progress numbers of the harvest get bigger and bigger.

***

Harpie wrote off a few calculations and checked the ship status. They had an eye on the shark but it was still far enough to not be a danger. The harvest finished with a small ‘ding’ and Nisha and V hurried back. It would’ve been better to have a lot more dust just in case it turned out to be worth so much money but the shark was a viable threat. They assessed the ship stats one more time and something wrong caught their eye.

***

Once Harpie warned them all of the shark, Dex gave up being subtle about the mechanical implants in his brain. He connected his mind to the various ports available and let his head figure out while he rested his head on the control panel. Nisha and V were done and Dex was monitoring their progress when something started nagging the smoothly functioning part of his mind.

***

The shark paused when V and Nisha were finally inside. Dig helped them both in storing the dust. Alina sighed when the damn shark turned around and began chomping on the star again. It seemed to inhale half the star and somehow spit it out while taking out the dust alone. Although Alina knew it only looked like the star was being consumed. It was consuming a lot more dust than usual though. Alina was relieved they got some at all.

“Good job out there! Head on up, we’ll watch the shark a bit and jump out again if it stays away.”

V shrugged and headed down to his room. Alina suppressed an angry retort. He had done well and deserved a rest. She would let him cool off.

Captain.

“Captain.” Dex and Harpie both sounded urgent. Alina motioned Dex to stay.

What is it, Harpie?

We are disintegrating.

***

Dex couldn’t tell what was wrong but the second Harpie said it he knew it was true.

“What?” Amani almost fired her weapon in shock.

“Harpie please don’t announce things like that so fast.” Nisha pleaded.

We don’t have time for this. I don’t know how fast we’ll evaporate.

“I do.” Dex raised his hand meekly.

“What is happening?” Alina demanded.

“I guess time travel isn’t as harmless as we thought? I mean we found no probes on this side and none came back? I should’ve checked.”

“Dex, how long?”

“Surprisingly we have a lot of time, we can get back easily.” The rest of the crew breathed in relief. “That is if nothing important goes first.”

“Get us away from here, as fast as you can.”

Dex stared  at the shark and then to Dig who had followed Nisha in.

“We might have time for one more run.” He added.

***

Dex threw the suit on in a hurry. He had never gone out into space before but Nisha assured him that it was just like swimming.

“I want to go with you but it takes a lot out of you, especially here. I’ve never felt so tired before.” Nisha said, mournfully.

It took a hurried screaming match before the crew agreed for one last run. It would mean doubling their supply and more profit. It wasn’t a hard deal to sell. But V and Nisha were deemed unfit to go back out. Dex could see Nisha’s eyes drooping from where he stood. The past weighed heavily on them all.

Dig bounded into the loading dock in their suit.

Finally!

“Dig, please don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Dex was sure Dig wasn’t listening to a single word.

I’m going in for the first time! Or out? I don’t know!!!

Dex smiled at their enthusiasm. It must be nice not to have a hundred food churners grinding away in the stomach at the thought of endless void waiting outside.

“Go!” Too soon, Nisha hit the switch and they were flying out.

***

Dig could barely contain their enthusiasm. Stars and strange constellations spread around them. Even the shark looked graceful and magnificent. Nisha had warned them that something was different but neither Dig or Dex knew what was normal.

“This is actually amazing!” The suit did most of the work for them and Dig already knew how to operate the harvester. They fitted the canisters in one after the other letting the harvester set up as they went.

I know!!!!!

***

The second the harvester pinged on, Harpie knew something was wrong. The shark reared its enormous head and roared into the vacuum. It made no noise but Harpie knew anger when she saw it. Then the shark did something that made their hackles rise. It went straight for Dig and Dex.

Abort. Abort now and get inside. Abandon the harvester if you have to.

It was not Harpie’s call to make but in that moment nothing else mattered.

“We are not abandoning the harvester!” Was Dex’s indignant reply.

Get the fuck in Dex!

We are coming back. We saw it. They had one more canister worth of dust. That was plenty.

***

“Go go go!” Amani fired at the shark ineffectively. They weren’t even sure how it was following them. The star was behind them and they had foolishly assumed that they would be able to outrun it in open space. It swam through the void and came right for them.

“Fuck fuck fuck why does it even want us?”

“I guess to eat us?”

“Space whales don’t eat us. They eat dust.”

And we have its dust. Dig’s grim new voice sent shivers down Dex’s spine.

“When did you even have time to change your voice?” Dex screamed at them.

It doesn’t really take long. Dig said in a comically high voice after a few seconds, making Dex giggle.

“Dex! Big thing! Trying to eat us! Focus!” V yelled.

“Right.” V was forcibly thrown out of his room when the chase began and the crew had learnt the hard way to not poke him the wrong way.

Cap, how about we use our new dust and see how it works? Dig suggested gently.

“We don’t have anything to lose.” Alina answered just as calmly. Nisha and V were shouting about something when Alina gave Harpie the command.

***

“Wha….”

“…..t the fuck.”

They were away. Nisha was suddenly staring at the wormhole which had been too far away before.

“Shit!”

WOW.

Woah.

“I’m gonna throw up.” Dex announced and did just that.

“So we know why it’s so expensive now.”

“You think our clients even know? No one has been here before.” Alina mused.

“I don’t care. We have other problems.” V announced and they all saw the problem hurtling towards them. The shark was a lot faster than they had anticipated.

“Do any of you know if space sharks can travel through wormholes?”

Previous/ First / Next

[schirdotblog]

Examining Disgaea 5′s Writing

Okay I swear I write about things that aren't Disgaea sometimes. I mean, I was working on a script for a video about Super Cloudbuilt recently and I've been writing blog posts about the things I've learned by actually trying to making games over the last few weeks, and I might write a bit about some things I really like about thecatamites's philosophy on game design soon, and I've got other plans in the works too.

But no, instead today I have to write about Disgaea again. This time it's because I want to understand why it is I feel that Disgaea 5's writing is borderline insufferable while finding Disgaea 2 to be really nice and fun.

Now, to understand this feeling, I went and looked at a couple of random midgame cutscenes in Disgaea 5 and took screenshots and video of them. Then I went and re-read the dialogue with the perspective I've gotten from trying to write characters talking in my own games. With a full maybe 20 hours of dialogue writing under my belt, and a couple thousand character-talking hours from playing D&D, it's safe to say that Dunning-Krueger is in full effect here. You have been warned.

In the opening cutscene of Chapter 6, after the reveal that General Bloodis is actually Goldion, Killia reveals to the rest of the party that he used to be Goldion's apprentice. Zeroken is shocked. Killia says that he had fought his way to becoming the Overlord of Cryo Blood, and then had his first defeat at the hands of Goldion, who he then trained under. Seraphina says that Cryo Blood was ruled by Tyrant Overlord Killidia, and asks Killia if he's the same person. Killia responds in the affirmative.

Now, this is just some really rough exposition. It gets even worse in a minute, but this is just really fucking hamfisted. Setting up Killia as the former apprentice of the apparently now-turned-evil big bad is dumb. Killia's been a more-or-less willing participant in this shit without needing to have that established. It's setting up the endgame reveal that Killia and Void Dark trained together under Goldion and that Void Dark's doing this conquering nonsense to resurrect Lizerotte, who Killia liked I guess? But at the same time it doesn't really at any point feel like Killia wants to be involved in any of this. Usually I find that if I'm writing a character who has no desire to be involved in a story, it's better to just toss 'em out and write someone who does. It makes writing feel less like dragging a cat around, and usually winds up making a more likeable character who does things of their own volition, which tends to make the plot way more fun as a consequence. And how can I tell that Killia is the sort of character that has no real reason to be there? I can tell because Killia has to be forced into the plot against his will. He's kidnapped and put into Seraphina's pocket dimension at the start of the game because reasons. This is the sort of plotting I tend to run into in a GM's first tabletop game. Can't figure out how to make the party get together? Lock 'em in a cell together. Fuck it. It's lazy and, frankly, bad writing.

Now is it necessarily a bad thing to have a reluctant protagonist? No, not at all. You just have to give them a reason to be there. I think that's what the writers are trying to do in this scene, but they don't understand that 'giving someone a reason to be there' is writer speak for 'giving someone a reason to take action and do things'. They're suddenly revealing that oh, actually, the main character has a personal relationship with the villain because of his lengthy and tragic backstory. You know what'd be way easier and more effective than this weird set of interlocking personal relationships? Having the main character go "Hey, fuck that guy! We need to stop him!" That'd at least make it seem like the character has some kind of emotions, agency, volition, or investment in what's happening. As it stands though, our main character's involved because he was kidnapped and then revealed to have some kind of intertwining cosmic relationship with the events happening in the story. But again, that's a lot of things that would really help elevate the story if the protagonist, or really anyone else in Disgaea 5, had any amount of say in what things happen.

Like okay, let's rewrite the last few scenes real quick here, just at a broad level. Let's keep the plot beats too, why not. So maybe instead of having Seraphina serendipitously shoot the bad guy's one weak point to reveal that secretly he's also this other guy who secretly trained the protagonist in the past, he just fucking beats the party's collective asses and they book it the fuck outta there. Maybe a quick "shit this guy's too strong, we have to leave, now!" as we fade out.  We fade back in, with the party moping around talking about how they're too weak or some anime shit. Someone brings up needing to get stronger. Killia says that he knows a place they could train; his home world. The chapter would then be spent gradually revealing that Killia was the Overlord there and hinting at bits of backstory. Killia would show some initiative, and you could end the chapter with some Prinny saying they've heard a rumour of Bloodis's weakness and residence. The reveal is that Bloodis still lives on the old training grounds where Killia used to train, and the next chapter's spent there. Show the player cool things and don't just exposit at them. Wow! What an idea.

But no, we're leaving the fantasy land of halfway competent storytelling now. Back to the real game, what actually happens is that Usalia expresses shock and fear on hearing that Killia is Killidia, Red Magnus expresses shock and a desire to fight that immediately evaporates when Seraphina shoots him, Christo says Killia's not an ordinary demon after all with all that magic potential energy he's got, Usalia's surprised that Killidia and Killia are the same person again, and god this fucking cutscene has nothing happening and doesn't end jesus fu- oh good I guess Killia's expositing about some technique he learned and how he's betrayed his master again and fuuuuuuuuuuck this is so fucking boring I think I'm in hell.

So here's the thing that's getting my goose, alright? The story's saying these things and trying to create this tightly interwoven plot where the major players are all related in some way. But then the worlds you go to are just completely unrelated to all of that. General Bloodis's base is some random place, as are the five preceding worlds and the seven following ones, with maybe two exceptions that've been manhandled. They're video game worlds that have no story significance and do nothing besides serve as an irrelevant backdrop. Remember how the first world you went to in Disgaea 1 was the castle of a rebellious servant of the former Overlord? Remember how that showed how little of a fuck anyone gave for Laharl, while also showing how much the demons respected the previous Overlord, and how that set up things to come? Remember how Rozalin kept trying to lure Adell into deathtraps and actively tried to subvert the progression of the plot? Remember how that was the basis for the development of a trusting relationship between those two characters? Remember when the characters had clearly-defined motivations for taking action in the story, and personalities that had sensible reasons for being there?

Yeah, neither does Disgaea 5. None of these characters have any reason to be doing anything here. Their personalities are paper-thin, and all the dialogue comes across as a personality trait reacting to a plot point, rather than a person reacting to something that just happened.

So I guess to answer the question I started writing this for, I don't like Disgaea 5's story because it feels like the plot's happening at a bunch of cardboard cutouts with a single character quirk each. I dislike the story because it falls into the amateur mistake of confusing backstory with personality. It tells us about all of the things that happened to the characters in the past and says 'see? That's who they are' without showing us any of those things. The characters are apparently doing things in the story, but it never quite feels like any character's making the choice to do those things for reasons internal to them personally. It all feels bland and hollow because none of these characters seem like they have any sort of emotional investment in the things that are happening.

[terraclae]

An Introduction to Court Paramo pt. 3

[Part 1]-[Part 2]

Start off the day with a nightmare.

Lore Pinglist: @yuushanoah-fr @cityofinoue

This wasn't the castle. Wherever he had found himself was a place he didn't remember going to, or wanting to go to. The iron like stench of the place made him feel even sicker and number than he already was. He was standing knee deep in something he hoped wasn't what he thought it was. Then again, if it was something else he didn't want to know it either. '... Hello?' He called out into the impenetrable darkness around him. 'Is anyone there?'

'What's… Who?'

A rough and tired voice reached Arodan's ears. 'Oh, good, someone!' He started to push his way through the thick black sludge below him. 'I think I might be lost, what is this place?' He himself seemed to glow, so at least he could clearly see his hands and where he was setting his feet down. 'However, also know I'm not afraid to use force if you mean harm.'

'Y-You… Shouldn't be here.'

He stopped, and narrowed his eye. 'What do you mean?' Finally he spotted a faint glow within the darkness and continued his approach. 'Give me an answer, are you alright?' He had the distinct feeling that he was being watched by multiple people.

'No, but just-'

A cough echoed through the darkness and Arodan followed the sound, along with the light he had spotted. 'Hang on, I'm coming.' This had to be a dream, he realized. The only odd thing was he only rarely dreamt of being in his bipedal form, and pondered if he'd be quicker if he shed it now. 'Who are you? Give me something-'

'Go!'

He ignored the warning and pressed on until he was met by a vision…

'W-What is this?'

Before him, a presumably male figure was suspended to the nothingness by black chains. Countless of spears that seemed to ooze the same black liquid as Arodan was standing in protruded from his back with one more intricate one piercing their heart. His wings and tail were bound by similar chains but strangely enough to Arodan the most harrowing thing was what the stranger's face looked like; Desperation, excruciating pain and shock had twisted their face into what seemed more like a grim mask, black tears running down their cheeks. Most notably to him, they had golden eyes, filled with fear. They looked as if they had been stuck here for weeks. 'Oh gods-'

'Don't stop now, t-turn around and run idiot!'

By all means, Arodan should have ran, his reflexes kicking in by this point. This time, he did not and soon he found himself grabbing onto the spear lodged in the other man's chest, attempting to pull it out. 'I don't know what is going on here but I am not planning to stick around.' He said through grit teeth. 'And whoever you are, you're coming along.' Gods, this thing wasn't budging huh? Wait, how much would this hurt the other then?

'Cut that shit out, I'm not looking for a hero!'

Well, that didn't sound like anyone who could be in more pain than he already was. 'Just answer me, who put you here? Who are you!?'

'It doesn't matter, I-' He screamed as the spear Arodan was pulling at finally seemed to show movement. 'That's...' He stared down in disbelief and then back at Arodan, who was still pulling. The man was momentarily unable to speak, able to struggle, but ceased the latter as Arodan continued his attempt at dislodging the spear. 'What's your name?' He asked weakly, frantically, yet somehow calmer.

'Arodan, Dan will do!' He yelled in return. Arodan wasn't blind (well, almost) or dumb, he had taken notice of what was happening around them. The darkness around them seemed to move in it's own manner, swirling and pacing. Ever so often, it seemed to draw closer.

They weren't alone in this place.

Arodan's gaze only momentarily flitted from the shadows, and back to his current objective. There had to be a faster way of getting the spears out, this was only the first and he was already having difficulties. An idea came to mind and he hauled himself up at the spears, his feet setting themselves against the other man's hips, which earned a grunt. 'I am so sorry for what I'm about to do.' Immediately he pushed himself off by his feet while firmly gripping the spear with his hands. Feeling how far in it was, if he pulled once more then that should be the last time the stranger would have to suffer excruciating pain at his hands. 'Almost!'

'Almost what?'

Arodan froze. He knew that voice, and didn't want to turn to peer at the face that belonged to the lilting tone of those words. Yet, he caught himself looking, and witnessed a familiar sight. Not the imperial with purpled hands and rose eyes that could be called charming, but a horrifying, oozing monstrosity with eyes in places they shouldn't be. 'A-Altair?'

'Not in the flesh, but this will do.' He said, with what might have been attempted as a soft smile. Instead, it looked as if his face split and oozed more harshly. 'What are you doing with my property Arodan? I thought we talked about this.'

'Your-Your property?' Actually, he wasn't going to ask what he meant by that, and he didn't want to think of it. Instead he frantically glanced back at the the chained figure, feeling as if his chest might as well implode in on itself, his heart seeming to escape from between his ribs. This had to be a nightmare.

'Altair, he has nothing to do with this!' The man screamed, a note of hesitance to his voice. 'Leave him be!'

'Actually, this has everything to do with him, Senna. You and him both belong to me.' Altair cooed, inching closer. There was something inherently wrong in the way he moved or how his spine was currently aligned. 'He became involved the moment he met me on that stupid boat.' He tilted his head in coy fashion. 'Arodan, won't you speak to me? Let's talk this out honey.'

A strangled squeak escaped Arodan at that, and he clung tighter to the spear. As this conversation was progressing he was fearing the worst outcome with no possible way out. Or well, it seemed that way until the figure named Senna somehow managed to speak to him in an oddly soothing voice. 'Arodan, was it, right?'

'Yes.' He answered faintly. 'I'm so sorry.' He could hear Altair approaching behind him, an invasive humming reaching his ears that seemed to dull his senses.

'Dan, listen, I need you to shut up and pull out the spear.' Senna said sternly, glancing over Arodan's shoulder. 'Right now.'

'Now?'

'Now!'

Arodan did as Senna told him, giving one more strong pull to the spear. It fully dislodged, Senna wailing as it did. Seemingly, at its tip it had taken along… a heart. It was vibrantly red, the color of it streaking across the space. At the very moment the spear left Senna's chest the nightmare seemed as if it collapsed in on itself, Arodan falling only to never hit the ground. Instantly the darkness evaporated and made place for a blinding white. He focused on Altair initially who seemed vulnerable surrounded by light, but only donned a look on his face that was only mildly annoyed. As soon as he focused back on Arodan he went right back to smiling. Senna on the other hand, seemed to be clawing to get the heart in his hands, a panicked look to his face. Instead it landed in Arodan's hands, and he didn't let it go.

Once he did hit a solid surface of some sort he awoke screaming and coughing, the coughing devolving into hacking until whatever felt stuck in his throat dislodged. Upon his lap fell a necklace, with what he assumed to be a ruby set in gold. The strangest thing about it however was that it felt as if it had a heartbeat, and closely listening to it even revealed the sound. Arodan held it up completely mystified.

Then it occurred how messed up all of this was and he promptly drop the necklace onto the floor, the moment he instantly was hyper aware that he was sweating and that his own heart was hammering. The entire situation was finally underscored by the door slamming open and Atlas storming in wielding a halberd that seemed too large for him to handle. 'Are you okay, where's the intruder?!'

'I'm okay, I'm okay, you're going to lop my head off swinging that thing!' Arodan yelled, ducking down just in case. 'Why would you come storming in like that, you madman?!'

‘I thought you were in danger.’ Atlas’s ears fell flat and he lowered the halberd. ‘Sorry, I guess that was a little brash of me.’

Arodan winced a little at that. ‘Don't be sorry, I should be.’ He crept out of his bed, picking the strange necklace off the floor in his ascent. He rubbed his temple, a fierce headache settling in the front of his head. ‘Nothing’s wrong, just had a nightmare.’

‘Yeah, you look like you've been mauled by bears.’ Atlas said, tilting his head. His stare grew more concerned. ‘Do you need to talk about it?’

‘No, I think I need to take a walk for a bit. Just… Silence.’ He pressed both his temples now and swore he could hear voices. ‘Still… Stay with me okay?’

Atlas said nothing, and only withdrew a richly adorned ring of keys, jingling it. ‘Want to go outside?’

Arodan stared blankly at the keys for a moment, then quickly ran to grab his journal, a bag and a coat. ‘Yes. I think I'd like that very much.’

‘Well then, what are you waiting for?’ Atlas said, flashing his brightest smile. Once he was certain Arodan was following him he led away through the long and straight halls of the castle, out of the west wing towards the south wing. ‘I think you'll like it, it's been a week for you now right?’

‘Week and a half, actually.’ A week of mostly being cooped in the library stacking books and doing his own thing. A week of dreamless sleep, above all that. ‘Atlas, why did you immediately come running to my aid?’

‘Well, it's my job, isn't it?’ He sounded vaguely offended at being asked such a question. ‘I am a shield to others.’

‘Yes but… I wasn't kind to you initially.’ That was what kept him from speaking to Atlas more over the week, beyond that he wasn't yet completely comfortable with the place and it's people. ‘I want to apologize for that.’

‘Dude, I was never mad with you. Anger doesn't faze me.’ Actually, not a lot was surprising to Atlas but that was besides the question. ‘There's nothing to apologize for.’ He rounded a corner, bringing them into a room which could only serve as a dining hall judging the many tables in it on which a few plates were stacked. The candles that illuminated the space gave off a dim and dying light. ‘I ran to you, because I was nearby and heard you scream. Things have been so high strung lately that I've caught myself bolting to whoever made as much as a squeak of distress.’

‘You're both mad and noble.’ Arodan responded, catching himself staring around the hall. ‘But I think those are good qualities to have as someone who wishes to protect people. Just keep yourself in mind too.’

‘That's rather thoughtful of you.’ Atlas hummed, pocketing his hands. ‘I didn't think you could be soft.’

‘And like that you've lost me.’ Arodan nudged Atlas with a grunt. ‘Don't call me soft.’

‘Okay then.’ Atlas said, laughing in a strangely high pitched and airy way. ‘Rugged then? Or scraggly?’

‘Neither! I don't want any adjectives to my name!’ Arodan snapped, crossing his arms in a denying gesture. ‘Do you do this for fun?’

‘I like teasing people like you a little yes. Y'all need to-’ He rolled his shoulders and bounced on his feet. ‘Loosen up.’

‘Says the person who's apparently stressed enough to come running at the first distress signal.’ He caught himself rolling his shoulders in similar manner to Atlas. ‘Hey, tell me… What is the prediction of when Lux Laterna will arrive at this city?’

‘We have about three weeks.’ Atlas flatly responded.

'Oh.' Arodan murmured.

That put a screeching halt to the rest of the conversation. Only the sound of their feet echoed now, as did Atlas’ keyring until they reached a humongous vault door similar to the one Arodan had seen when he first arrived. Atlas turned the key in one small slot, then where a panel with numbers opened up he proceeded to start turning the knobs. ‘Can you turn around for a moment?’ He threw a quick glance at Arodan and waited until he was certain Arodan wasn't looking. It took a while for him to finally unlock the door but when it did a low scraping noise resounded through the halls, the sound of 25 tons of steel moving being near deafening. The door slid sideways, but only ended up opening wide enough for a dragon in bipedal form to narrowly elbow through.

‘You coming?’ Atlas said, squeezing himself through the gap. He beckoned Arodan to follow him with a mild impatience.

‘Doesn't it open any further?’ He squeezed through in similar fashion. How Atlas had gotten through was a mystery, judging how he almost got wedged between the door and the wall to get through, which was a little embarrassing. ‘This is a massive door and it only opens this far?’

‘This is how far it's allowed to open if one goes outside not for evacuation or battle purposes.’ Atlas was already busy unlocking a second set of doors that didn't look as sturdy but intimidating nonetheless. ‘You wouldn't want an army storming in now do you? It's not a door that closes particularly fast.’

‘Yeah, but if the entire city is like this, how do people ever get in and out then? The people of Paramo?’ It occurred to him this was a thing typical to the inhabitants of the Southern Icefields perhaps. ‘Do you all just roam underground for the rest of your lives?’

‘Well, the city has public gardens actually, sustained by lightning flight tech and light flight magic. King Balam wants the city to be as safe as he is, so it is only able to be entered via vault doors.’ Atlas said. ‘So it's not completely without an illusion of the outside world. For those who want to go outside for real though there is one vault door that will always be open, protected by a squadron of guards around the clock.’ The doors finally creaked and opened. ‘There's also a secret evacuation passageway, newly built for the citizens, able to be entered via several places in the city.’

‘Well, that's good, but… It sounds sheltered.’ Arodan followed Atlas, light streaming in through the opening doors. A cold breeze rustled through his feathers but he didn't shiver, didn’t wince at the change in temperature. He had more trouble adjusting to the natural light he didn't know he had missed, and his walking slowed to a halt as he gaped at the view.

Before him he saw the ocean, which stretched over the horizon, endlessly vast. Bathed in the gold light that came just before true sunrise, wonder filled his heart but made his body feel immeasurably small before the sea. ‘Woah.’

‘Some people here don't know better than what's inside these halls.’ Atlas’ white hair glistened brightly in the light, his wings unfolding. The crystalline coat on them caught and reflected even more light and he might as well have been a living, breathing star on Sornieth. ‘But if they're happy, then why would you want to take that away?’

Arodan was staring at Atlas like a fool at this point, unable to tear his eyes away. For too long, his gaze was stuck, on just a little uneven footing with his book and the necklace held tightly to his chest.

‘Like what you see?’

That took him out of his moment and briefly Arodan couldn't tell whether Atlas had caught on to him staring or if he was referring to the view. A mumbled ‘yes’ escaped him, uncertain how that might be perceived.

‘Good. Sea air is good against nightmares, soothes the soul doesn't it?’ Atlas grinned, and turned away from Arodan. Sneaky bastard, that was a double sided question, wasn't it, Arodan thought. ‘Usually the postman arrives here too but he has his own secret passageway into the castle. Aaand, a lot of the strategists discuss things here too, or scream at the ocean.’

‘They… Scream at the ocean?’ He could hear the door open behind them and not quickly after a figure stomped onto the viewing deck. They were clad in black, with a pair of red shades sitting on their nose.

‘The audacity! I devote my life to our lord and god and this is what thanks I get?!’ They immediately started screaming as soon as they reached the railing, Atlas and Arodan both plugging their noise at the horrifying sound. After a minute or two too long they ceased screaming and hung panting over the railing.

‘And there-’ Atlas started, unplugging his ears. ‘Is your example.’

‘What?’ Arodan didn't want to ask what Atlas had said, the figure that had just come storming in immediately whipping upright again, their clothes and hair magically settling back into model. ‘Um…’

‘Hello boys, having fun?’ In a sharp movement they whipped out what seemed like a strange design of pipe. ‘Atlas, the viewing deck is not made for wooing your boyfriends.’

‘I don't remember it being for screaming at the ocean either but here we are.’ Atlas said with a far too self-satisfied grin, shrugging. ‘Besides, Arodan here is just our librarian Kassa, be a little nice.’

‘Doesn't look like one.’ They took one long hard look at Arodan and immediately stepped forward. ‘Ugh darling, they sure put the worst old rags on you, this won't do.’ They held a handful of Arodan's coat up. ‘Typical.’

‘Hey, hands off, it's too early for this.’ Arodan snapped, more annoyed than anything. ‘Sir-Madam, I don't appreciate being touched.’

‘Both will do darling.’ They drew back their hands, setting them on their hips. ‘Really though, once this entire mess is sorted out you really should stop by my office, I don't know who dressed you but you're not running around in whatever hobo suit they gave you.’ Kassa hissed the last part of their sentence, clenching their jaw in such a way that it looked as if it might shatter their teeth.

‘Kassa, leave him be.’ Atlas stepped in front of Arodan protectively. ‘Besides, you're crankier than usual, probably you should catch some sleep. You've been at it all night.’

‘Ugh, its horrible sweetie, everyone is falling over each other like headless chickens! Alexander this, fall of the city of Paramo that, no one has faith in their own plans!’ Kassa responded loudly, throwing their hands in the air. ‘Except for me, but that's ooh, dangerous, and “a risk to the safety of the city of Paramo”, because why not?!’ They paced in circles now, claws scraping the floor with a dull sound. ‘We should be using their own weapons against-’

‘Kassa, that's enough.’ Atlas held a finger to his lips to shush the angry wildclaw before him, his gaze darting back and forth between them and Arodan. ‘We don't talk about that.’

‘Hm, fine.’ Kassa hummed in resigned fashion, twirling their pipe between their fingers. ‘Then we will just talk fashion won't we? Where are my manners?’ They extended a gloved hand towards Arodan. ‘Pleasure to make your acquaintance, I am Kassa, strategist and fashion mastermind.’

‘Also they're the one who commissioned the balconies because they're hideously claustrophobic.’ Atlas added, which earned a stark glare from Kassa that could be felt from behind their glasses.

‘Pleased to meet you too, I'm Arodan, librarian.’ Arodan said, shaking Kassa’s hand. ‘If it stops people from making remarks about my appearance then please, make me fashionable.’

‘Darling, I can't fix aura. I can fix that eyepatch though.’ They scanned over Arodan once more as if observing a chunk of rough marble that was yet to be carved. Before their eye even had properly settled their hand had already reached out and grabbed the necklace from Arodan's hands. ‘What's this?’

‘Hey give that back, I haven't disinfected that yet!’ Arodan helped and immediately started to reach and claw for the necklace Kassa held far from his grip. ‘I just found it!’

‘A heart, huh? I haven't seen those in ages.’ They remarked quietly, a sinister little smile parting their lips. ‘Who's your sweetheart dearie? I love these things, very rare to get by, powerful stuff.’

‘I don't have a-’ He said this almost sarcastically, still jumping to get the necklace back. ‘Sweet-heart.’ It only then occurred what Kassa had said. ‘Wait, you know what it is?’

‘It… Isn't yours?’ They held it lower and looked at it, fascinated. ‘Then whose heart did you steal struggler?’ They lowered their voice, and behind red tinted glasses equally red and violent eyes honed in on Arodan. ‘And you don't even know what this is?’

‘If you'd tell him, then he'd probably give you a straight answer Kassa.’ Atlas said, folding his arms. He took a good step back and surveyed the situation. ‘Get to the point.’

‘Fine.’ They held the necklace in two palms, close to their chest. Within their palms it softly beat. ‘This necklace is the sign of an union, of love, a bond. It means a pair that wished to truly connect with each other sought out one of the few mages capable, and swapped their hearts metaphysically. This-’ they held up the necklace. ‘-is a physical proof of this union.’ They leant in, their eyes narrowing. ‘So if it isn't yours, who did you steal it from boy?’

‘It's…’ The realization hit Arodan like a warhammer to the temple. It hadn't been a nightmare, but a connection with a chained figure. The same figure who no doubt the heart belonged to, that somehow had ended up with him by what could only be the Shade’s doing. ‘... I think it was an accident actually. And I think I know who it belongs to.’ He yanked the necklace out of Kassa’s hands and continued. ‘An imperial, a man, I think, of the light flight and with black obsidian wings and a scarred side... No, burns.’

Atlas and Kassa exchanged looks and while Atlas looked mildly surprised Kassa’s mouth hung open. 'My plan, my plan!' Kassa screamed near ecstatically, and they immediately bolted for the door. ‘Hold on to that necklace closely Danny! It'll serve you well soon!’

‘Kassa, no, whatever you-’ The door slammed shut before Atlas could stop them, leaving him reaching and dumbstruck. ‘If they're going where I think they're going, they'd better not be.’ Atlas turned to Arodan and gently took his shoulders. ‘This got super confusing, and I'm sorry for that, but I also have to chase after them, Kassa is a little… Eccentric.’ He pat Arodan's shoulders and drew back. ‘I have to keep an eye on them.’

‘Go, I can wait here.’ Arodan said, attempting not to stammer. He held his hand up in assuring fashion and watched Atlas move away from him. ‘Don't worry about me.’ At that Atlas glanced over his shoulder at him, seemed to sigh, and then disappeared through the door. Arodan was left alone, standing on the balcony by the sea. The sun now illuminated the world more clearly, still in its early morning ascent. He sauntered towards the railing and leant over and it, feeling the sea breeze.

Despite everything, despite the questions, despite the secrets being kept from him, he felt as if he was going to be alright, with one palm clutching the necklace, and the other wrapped around the spine of his book. He slung the necklace around his neck, and slowly his hand left the necklace to take the book in two hands. He held the side on which a golden eye was emblazoned towards the sea. ‘Beautiful, isn't it?’ He flipped it open slowly onto a black page.

‘It is very pretty. I should record this.’ The book wrote on itself on a new blackened page. Before Arodan could respond, a drawing of the scenery appeared in gold. ‘It would be better if you painted it.’ Appeared under it.

‘I am not good at painting.’ Arodan said. He studied the little drawing closely and thought it conveyed the feeling of a sunrise very well. ‘So… You can understand me by speech now?’

‘It seems so.’ The response appeared in a smaller font than usual, as if mimicking a quieter tone. ‘Do you mind?’

‘Not at all.’ Arodan tilted his head sideways in curious manner. ‘I'm gonna put you back in the bag, salty air isn't as good for books.’

‘Okay.’ The letters appeared in an even smaller font this time around. However, before Arodan could close the book, something else popped up on the page. ‘Someone is watching you.’

Slowly Arodan turned his head to look around him, and quickly found a nocturne, sitting on the railing with his claws folded awkwardly to his chest. He wore a scarf that was just a little too big for him and seemed to have enhancements strapped to his legs that sparked from time to time. ‘Can I… Can I help you?’

‘Oh! I um… You seemed to be having a moment, so I didn't mean to disturb you, I…’ He dropped off the railing onto the balcony, shifting to a more manageable and smaller form. The enhancements on his legs reshaped but still seemed to function to strengthen the Nocturne’s legs. ‘I'm the manpost-postman! Postman, I mean- dangit…’ He huffed, and took a deep breath. ‘You're Arodan, right?’

‘That's right, you're Langdon, aren't you?’ Arodan hastily stuffed his journal away and walked up to Langdon. ‘Do you have any letters for me, I'm kind of-’

‘Yes, just a moment please!’ Langdon stammered, his knees bending a little as if he was afraid something would hit him in the head. He dug through a neatly organized bag filled with mail, every little compartment having its own some in label categorizing the urgency of the letter. ‘Stolas of Clan Canephora was first to mail you back!’ He held out a letter that looked roughly sealed.

‘Oh thank gods.’ Arodan breathed a sigh of relief and eagerly took the letter from Langdon’s hands, who looked like he wanted to read along. He held it out of reach and immediately tore open the letter, it barely being out of its envelope as Arodan started to read. His crests fell flat as soon as it began about the state of the boat, who had passed away, and who had gotten injured. Yet, what was a far more warming feeling, a soft fuzziness that settled in his chest, were Stolas’ words of comfort. He was happy to know he was alive.

Again, it felt as if everything was going to be alright.

‘Langdon?’ Arodan quietly mumbled as soon as he finished his letter. The nocturne attentively had waited by his side, as if expecting another letter, and now looked up at him. ‘It's nice to meet you.’

‘It's nice to meet you too sir.’ Langdon answered, bowing his head. ‘Are you… Are you stuck out here? Did they give you keys?’

‘No, Atlas said he would pick me up later.’ Although it was starting to get a little too frigid for Arodan's tastes. ‘... You wouldn't happen to know another way in, do you? Or have the keys?’

‘Follow me, I have a great soup recipe that'll pick you right up.’ Langdon eagerly jumped up and down, clasping his hands as if he wanted to stop himself from flapping them like he would with his wings. He jumped up on the railing, already shifting back to his nocturne form. ‘If you'd like to, of course, I don't mean to-’

‘It's fine.’ Arodan stuffed the letter in his bag, and took his skydancer form. He rolled his shoulder, his wings stretching and folding themselves with a satisfying soft crack. ‘Lead the way.’

As the two flew along the cliffside, a bright blue gaze quietly admired them from a separate balcony. The words of war, and trouble echoed through his head, but as long as they were happy, he would be.

[godswritingfreak]

Down in the Dirt

Verse: Final Fantasy XIV Characters: Jennifer Holden, Katarina Kulo

Don’t forget, all my writing is now also posted on Ao3! It’s still a work in progress to upload everything without spamming the tag, so keep an eye on it, older work should appear eventually!

“Ah, Jennifer, there you are!”

The Elezen smiled as she walked through the small crowd occupying the Quicksand. “Momodi, it’s good to see you again! How’s business been?”

The Lalafell spread her arms towards the crowd. “Well, as always. And as happy as I am to see you again, I do have to apologize for pulling you all the way over here, but I honestly could think of few more qualified for the mission that came in.”

Jen waved her hand dismissively. “Not to worry, Momodi, I’m happy to be considered! Now what exactly is this job I’m to take? It’s not often I’m sent such a cryptic message!”

Momodi shrugged and crossed her arms. “I was just given the requirements for whoever was hired, I don’t know anything about the job itself. You’d have to talk to the one who requested the mission for that.”

Jen frowned and placed a finger along her cheek, spending a moment in thought. This mission was suddenly raising some concerns, though if they were submitting an official request through the Adventurer’s Guild, it had to be of at least some interest. And what exactly made herself among the most qualified of adventurers to look into it?

“Well, alright then, where can I find the client?” She asked, succumbing to curiosity.

Momodi opened her mouth to respond, but stopped and looked past Jen, who turned to find a hooded figure pull back their hood just enough to make out the features of a young woman. “That would be me, and I’d prefer if we could talk in private.”

Concerns indeed, Jen thought, as she glanced back at Momodi, who shrugged again, but hopped down from her position behind the counter, and waved them both into a back room. Jen offered a gesture that she would follow after the robed woman, and she took the lead.

The trio filed into the back room and Jen closed the door behind them, turning back in time to see the woman shed her robe entirely. Jen was now able to see that the woman wore a fairly upper-class style of dress, though one hardy enough for travel, and certainly Ul’dahn in style. She was tall, for a Midlander, though Jen had to guess she had Highlander blood in her. Her skin was darker than hers by a number of degrees, and her dark red hair had tints of a deep green at the ends. She had bright green eyes, and a dark green mark on her left cheek, an old tribal marking perhaps, or a simplified family crest? Maybe both, but she wasn’t about to ask, she had another question on her mind.

“Alright, so what’s the mission?” Jen asked, crossing her arms.

The woman smiled. “Straight to the point, though I suppose it makes sense considering the secrecy you’ve encountered thus far. Not to worry though, the secrecy is meant to assist you, I don’t want stray ears overhearing and taking it upon themselves to do our mission for us.”

“Our? Us?” Jen questioned.

The woman nodded. “I’ll be accompanying you,” the woman raised a hand before Jen could protest. “And before you say otherwise, allow me to explain in full.”

Jen closed her mouth and nodded.

“Thank you. I am Katarina Kulo, I’m sure you’ve heard the name?”

Jen nodded again. “Not exactly one of the most powerful houses among Ul’dah, but still notable enough, especially considering it’s a Hyuran family, not Lalafellin. You work closely with the Order of Nald’Thal as well, yes?”

Katarina nodded, smiling. “Correct. And it is in this partnership that I am requesting your assistance. We’ve come to the knowledge of a new cave system on Vylbrand that seems related to the ancient city of Nym. Considering the recommendation Momodi gave you, I assume you’re at least somewhat familiar with that?”

“An ancient city-state that disappeared shortly after the Great Flood, pieces can still be found floating about La Noscea, but aside from the hints of architecture, those pieces hold little to no clues on what the civilization was like, its history, or its people. Some relics have been found and studied, but few have given up much more than the chunks of land that still float,” Jen confirmed.

Katarina glanced at Momodi. “I am ever grateful for your ability to pick out the right adventurer for the job at hand, Momodi.”

The Lalafell leaned back in a chair, not quite smug, but certainly proud.

“Again, correct. Recently, however, information from some tablets translated by a member of the Marauder’s Guild - yes, strange, I know - has begun to circulate, and interest in Nym and what relics it may hold, as well as the coin one might earn from these relics, has begun to rise. The Order of Nald’thal has joined this pursuit as well, discreetly, in an attempt to preserve this knowledge, as opposed to sell it for profit,” Katarina continued, leaving a pause. “Well, at least not on the black market.”

“Thus the secrecy around the mission and who was requesting it,” Jen guessed.

“Three for three,” Katarina confirmed. “Finally we reach the end of my explanation. To keep a low profile, the Order cannot simply send its own people in, it would draw far too much attention, especially to others in the Syndicate. Instead, they asked my family for assistance, but as we have few historians or other such people interested in ancient civilizations, and considering it would be something of a small team, indeed it shall be only us two, I decided an adventurer may be worth hiring. In this case, someone adaptable, knowledgeable, and honest. A rare set of traits to be sure, but I had faith Momodi could find someone. And here you are. So, my dear adventurer, are you up to the task?”

Jen sat on this information for a moment. She had certainly done some research into Nym at the Arcanist’s Guild, it was one of Vylbrand’s largest mysteries, very similar to the Gelmorran ruins scattered about the Shroud, something she had also spent time researching. The chance to explore previously unfound ruins of the ancient civilization would be a rare chance indeed. Not to mention she was extremely curious about those tablets the Marauder’s Guild had translated. Perhaps she would get to meet this scholarly warrior, and learn whatever knowledge they had gleaned.

“Alright, I’m in!” Jen said brightly, her dour and serious mood up to this point completely evaporating. “When do we leave?”

Katarina chuckled. “Excellent. And soon, I have a few more things to prepare, now that I have secured your employment. I’d say early tomorrow morning, we can take a ship to Vylbrand and hike over to the ruins. Oh, and one question for me, actually.”

“Go ahead.”

“What’s your name?”

“Jennifer Holden,” Jen answered.

Katarina’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Holden? As in the high ranking members of both the Speakers and Gods’ Quiver? As in the primal slayer that works with our very own Immortal Flames?”

“That’s cor-” Jen paused and did a double take. “I-I’m sorry, primal slayer?”

“You haven’t heard?” Katarina asked. “A number of adventurers were captured by the Amalj’aa - assisted by traitors, sadly - and taken before their summoned god, Ifrit. None walk away from a primal’s tempering with their minds intact, however these adventurers resisted the effects, slew the primal, and walked away with hardly a singed hair. One Logan Holden was among them, is he not related to you?”

Jennifer stared at the other woman in shock. “L-Logan? My little cousin, was here, in Thanalan, as an adventurer, captured by Amalj’aa, and slew a primal god!?”

“I’ll take it you didn't know then. Yes, he’s made quite a name for himself in recent days, wouldn’t you say, Momodi?”

The Lalafell nodded. “Very much so. He seemed a bit on the wishy-washy side when he first arrived, but he’s grown into quite the adventurer since then!”

“Well, this day just keeps getting more and more interesting…” Jen muttered to herself. “Sorry for the interruption, but yes, shall I meet you at Vesper Bay tomorrow morning then?”

Katarina nodded. “Yes, I will see you there tomorrow.”

“This is it,” Katarina introduced, showing Jen the small hole in the cliff wall.

Jen stared at the hole in disbelief. “How are we even going to fit in there? How was this even found?” She looked over at Katarina. “And how do you know what you say is in there is even actually in there?”

Katarina shrugged and stepped up to the hole. “I’ve already been inside. A member of Order was the one who found it though, quite by accident. It’s another story entirely, help me move these please?”

It was then that Jen realized the entry of the hole was being obscured by boulders that had been lashed to the entrance, by conjury, she guessed, though it could’ve been done by hand as well. A few moments later, the boulders had been pulled aside, the upper ones still hanging by some thick vines, ready to be pushed back into place should it be necessary to hide the hole once again.

“Let’s head inside, shall we?” Katarina asked, lifting a staff from its holster on her back, and causing the tip to glow.

“After you,” Jen offered, following the other inside the cave.

She also pulled a small branch wand from her pack, and lit it as well.She may not have overly much skill in conjury, but she’d learned a thing or two, and she always kept a small wand on hand for when such skills came in handy.

“So you’re an archer, conjurer, and arcanist?” Katarina asked as she led the pair down the tunnel. “I noticed your bow and tome, but the wand makes three. I can guess where a couple of those came from, but I’d rather hear your account.”

“I was put through training for both archery and conjury as a child,” Jen explained. “The conjury didn’t really stick with me, but I learned enough practical uses that it pays to have a conduit on hand. Archery ended up being more my style, though to answer your next question, I didn’t believe the God’s Quiver was the right place for me, I wanted to help Eorzea, not just the Twelveswood.”

“And the tome?”

“Came across the arcanists shortly after becoming an adventurer, and the books on history and mysteries of the world caught my eye,” Jen noticed the tunnel was beginning to split into branching paths, but Katarina seemed to have no difficulty picking their path. “After they noticed I kept coming back, they asked me to try joining, I ran through their tests, and seemed to pass with flying colours. Just something I decided to stick with since then, I suppose. It’s certainly an interesting discipline, far more so than conjury. How do you know where we’re going?”

Katarina stepped into another branching path and lifted her staff to the roof of the cave, and a marking began to glow. “When I came in earlier, I marked each path with a small bit of magic using my own aether. It’s completely invisible otherwise, but when my magic comes near it, it reacts and lights up. A little trick I picked up a couple years ago.”

Sure enough, as Katarina moved past it, and Jen lifted her own wand to the spot the glowing rune had appeared, there was nothing to be seen. Maybe she could learn the same trick, it would certainly make marking paths through ruins easier, and no one could come and steal her finds either.

They walked in relative silence the rest of the way through the tunnels, and thankfully it didn’t take long for them to open up into a slightly larger cavern.

“In case your sense of direction has gotten turned around in the tunnels,” Katarina began, lifting her staff to brighten the room. “This is almost directly below the remaining floating pieces of Nym, more or less. Looks like whatever used to stand here, or float here, was thoroughly buried after the Great Flood and, more than likely, the Calamity as well. Or, perhaps we can thank the latter for granting us access to the area. Regardless, here’s our newly discovered ruin of Nym, for your intellectual consumption.”

Jen looked around astonished. She wasn’t entirely sure what kind of building it was, or if it was multiple buildings that had fallen into each other. The structure wasn’t exactly intact, but she could tell where at least one building had once stood. The cave was only maybe twice her height, but wide enough that she could possibly envision that the tunnel had lead them straight down a city street, with a building on each side. The cave was larger on the left side, and more of the building’s foundation could be seen there. Moving closer, and stepping around chunks of rubble, she found one of the pillars near the street-facing side had writing in it.

“What’s it say?” Katarina asked, leaning in next to Jen to look at the writing.

“I’m not sure, I looked over some of the Nymian language from what information we had at the Arcanist’s Guild, but I never dedicated overly much time to it, nor was much information present. I do have some notes though…”

Jen put her wand between her teeth, and began to dig through her pack, pulling out a well worn notebook. She began to flip through its pages, and stopped when she found a page with similar writing as that on the pillar.

“Here,” she said through her wand-filled mouth, before pulling it out and sticking it under her armpit instead. “This is similar, though not exact. Something translated, meaning something like… health? Or healing?”

“Interesting,” Katarina mused, glancing at the notes, the writing on the pillar, then the building at large. “Maybe a medical facility? Did they use White Magic in Nym?”

“No, I don’t think so…” Jen said absently, flipping through a few more of her notes. “It certainly could be a place of medicine though, the Nymians did have a notable mind for military tactics, I can only assume they’d have the ability to heal their soldiers as well.”

“Well, let’s see if we can’t get inside then, shall we?” Katarina offered.

Between the two of them, they managed to find some rubble they could reasonably move and, with a bit of noise and a lot of dust kicked up, stepped inside the crumbled building. Things weren’t much better inside. Many areas were just filled with rubble, and what was left was almost completely destroyed by the passage of time. Flakes of rusted metal could be found, or fossilized wood.

“Well, with all this, the general layout of the room… considering what’s left…” Jen ran her hand along a large rock up against what must’ve been one wall of the room, and found it was more likely to be a fossilized shelving unit. “This was definitely a medical centre of some sort.”

“Fascinating…” Katarina breathed, taking in the sights. “But what can we find. Something we can secure, take back with us?”

Jen shrugged. “I… I dunno, I guess we can start looking around?”

“Let’s get to work then!”

Again the pair went to their tasks, scouring the rubble filled ruins, shoving boulders and broken pieces of stone to uncover new areas. Finally, Katarina pushed away a large piece of stone, possibly from the ceiling, and with a grunt, called out to Jen.

“Jennifer! Over here!”

Quickly abandoning her own fruitless search, Jen went to see what her companion had uncovered. “What is it?”

Katarina pulled her head up from where the stone had been, and held up a small clump of rocks. “It looks like… a mineral perhaps? I’ve not seen a natural gem that looks quite like this before however, and trust me when I say I’ve seen many, real and fake.”

Jen didn’t argue, instead picking up the clump of stone and inspecting it closely. Much of the outer layer was the same rock that the tunnel and earth itself was made up of, but the part that had caught Katarina’s eye was instead the brilliant blue gem inside this outer layer. As she looked at it, Jen swore it seemed to shimmer, almost glow.

“Did you see that?” Jen asked.

Katarina lifted her eyes from the rocks. “See what?”

Jen shook her head, still staring at the rocks. “Nothing… But I think I can get it out.”

She put the rock down on the floor and took another small nearby rock and began chipping at the outer layer.

“Be careful, we don’t want to damage it!” Katarina insisted. “This could be the exact valuable object we were looking for!”

“I am…” Jen assured, absentmindedly, still chipping at the rocks. “Just a little more…”

Suddenly the outer layer cracked and shattered, crumbling away, and revealing not just a gem, but instead a glowing, shaped stone, with a symbol etched into the stone.

“That… is that… Is that a Soul Stone…?” Katarina said in almost a whisper.

Jen nodded silently, and used her thumb to brush more dust away, and as soon as she touched it, it glowed brightly. The rest of the dirt and rock simply dropped away, and Jen closed her eyes as the light began to blind her. When she opened her eyes, a small aetherical figure fluttered before her eyes.

“What…?” Jen asked, confused.

[Greetings]

The sound echoed in Jen’s head and she jerked backwards, falling onto her rear and hands.

“What, did something happen?” Katarina asked, jumping to Jen’s side.

“It… It spoke? I think?” Jen said, staring at the floating aetherial figure. “Sort of, anyway, at least, I heard it.”

[You are my new master, the one who summoned me, finally a new Scholar!]

“Scholar…?” Jen questioned.

“Is it still talking to you?” Katarina asked, softly but insistent.

Jen nodded. “Yeah gimmie a sec,” she answered before turning her attention back to the figure. “What do you mean, a Scholar? What are you?”

[I am a fairy, summoned and bound to the Soul Stone you now hold. I am yours to command. I see Nym has been gone for some time… You must require much assistance in learning how to use my magics correctly. This will take some work.]

Jen’s eyes narrowed. “I think it’s being sassy at me. But it’s agreeing to help? I think it’s bonded with me already…”

[Quite. You at least know the basics of arcanima if that tome is anything to go by, it shouldn’t be hopeless.]

“Well, it wasn’t quite what we were hoping, but at least it’s something,” Katarina said with a shrug. “Let’s see what else we can find here.”

[I can assist. I know where important documents were stored, potential information. If it’s not completely caved in, it should be salvageable.]

With the fairy’s help, Jen and Katarina managed to find a few choice pieces of information, get them safely placed in their packs, and decided that this was a good time to pack it up and head back out. The fairy disappeared as they began to head out, with a comment about watching from within the stone.

“I think we’ve got the biggest, most important pieces. With this I think we can officially secure the location with the Order’s help, and excavate what else might lie within. At least we won’t be at the mercy of any treasure hunters finding the easiest pieces,” Katarina said as they exited the tunnel entrance. “Help me put these back into place?”

The pair quickly resecured the boulders to make the tunnel entrance look like a tiny hole once again, to keep it safe until the Order could come take ownership of the area. Once it was done, Katarina turned back to Jen.

“Thank you for the help, Jennifer. You’ll get your payment when we return to Ul’dah, but something tells me you’ve got something far more valuable than some coin,” she said, pointing to the Soul Stone still in Jen’s hand.

She held it up. “Wait, I can keep it?”

“Well, you found it, and the fairy began to communicate with you, and you do have the skills to use it, according to what you said. So why not? I think you’ve proven trustworthy enough so far. In fact, I might ask for your assistance in the future with such matters.”

Jen smiled and clutched the stone in her hand. “I think that sounds great. Thank you, Katarina.”

Katarina smiled back. “Please, call me Kat. I look forward to working with you.

[prophetparadox]

Birds of a Feather Chapter 13: We’re Both Kinda Stupid (A Prompto x OC Soulmate AU)

Chapter 12 <-/AO3/-> Chapter 14

Masterlist

Word count: 3,832

Holy shit, how did I get this done so quickly, I thought I’d be working on this for a few days.

Anyway, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for! That’s right, these two are finally confessing! And it’s filled with all the emotional stuff and fluff! Which is probably why this chapter is so long because I kept wanting to add stuff to it. Now you might be thinking this is the end stretch, but nope! There’s still some stuff these two need to go through before we get to the epilogue. So the next few chapters are just gonna be a calm before the storm, technically speaking. Figured it’s about time we had some of that after all this damn drama.

Tagging: @themissimmortal, @cupnoodle-queen, @nifwrites, @takuahijackedthetardis, @lunarlapin, and @mini-moogle-queen. Lemme know if you want to be tagged in future updates. Also farewell to blindbae, she was a huge inspiration for me to write this and will be greatly missed in the FFXV writing circles.

"Hey Prompto, what's up? Any luck with Kat?" Noctis' voice rang through the phone speaker.

Prompto sighed, slumping into the seat in the Leville's lobby. "No, not really," he said. "I mean, I didn't expect this to be easy, but it doesn't feel like I'm making any progress."

"Huh? But it's been three days now. How has nothing happened?"

"I don't know, I keep doing stuff with her around the city like you told me to. Taken her out to eat, gone to a movie, you name it. We've probably done it."

"And she hasn't changed at all?"

"That's the weird part, whenever we do something I see her smile, feel her happiness, and then I think to myself that this is the moment, I have to tell her. But then it's like she's snapping out of a trance or something, she goes back to being sad and tries making up an excuse to leave. It's like she wants to be happy but she's holding herself back. I'm running out of things to do that'll make her happy. What do I do, Noct?"

The other end of the phone went silent for a moment. He thought he heard some muttering, likely Ignis and Gladio giving their thoughts. "Okay, don't wait until the moment's right. The next time she looks happy, you tell her. No beating around the bush, no stalling, you just tell her. Got it?"

That wasn't the advice he was looking for, but it was better than nothing he guessed. "Sure, I can try that. Might as well get it over with. Let's just hope it works."

"It's bound to bring out some kind of response," Noctis sounded confident, as if he knew this would work. "Well, I won't keep you hanging. Go get her, Casanova."

"Dude, don't call me that! I'm no Casanova."

"Whatever, just go tell her already." The phone hung up, leaving Prompto in a silent room. Noctis was right, it was about time he told her. Katia must've been awake by now, might as well go tell her the plan for today. He headed up the stairs, going to the room they'd booked.

He opened the door and found her sitting on the bed, staring at a blank page in her sketchbook. She didn't even notice he'd walked in. Probably lost in her thoughts again. He put on a smile and walked over to her. "Morning, Kat!"

Her head shot up as she glanced at Prompto. "Oh, yeah, morning." she said.

"So I found out there's an arcade here!" Prompto figured it was best to bring out the big guns, there's no way Katia would be able to resist a good video game hub. "It's not as big as the one we used to hang at, but they still have a ton of games to play! So after getting breakfast, we can go over there and-"

"Prompto, why are you doing all this?" A sudden question broke through his explanation, causing Prompto to go silent. Katia didn't say anything else, so he just asked what was on his mind.

"What d'you mean? I told you I wanted to spend time with you, remember?"

"There's some other reason, isn't there?" she asked. "This isn't just about spending time with me. Did Noct put you up to this? I already know he's the reason you stayed behind. So what's his goal here? Did he bribe you to stay and make me feel better?" With every word she spoke, she started to sound angrier. "Are you just doing all of this out of pity for me?" She stood up to face him directly.

No, no, no! This wasn't right at all! "Kat, what's gotten into you?"

"Just answer the damn question, Prompto!" She was almost shouting, and the anger in her eyes made him want to cry. How did things get like this?

"No, he didn't bribe me. This isn't out of pity, or anything like that!" He tried to keep his emotions in check, the last thing they needed was the both of them getting hysterical. "Come on Kat, you know me better than that! I'm doing all this because I care about you!"

"Yeah, sure, you care about me! That's why until now you didn't speak to me, because you were soooo worried about your best friend!"

"You're not even making any sense! I tried to talk to you and approach you but you kept avoiding me at every turn!" Now he was starting to feel angry, but he had to stay calm. Otherwise things would only get worse. "Just listen to yourself!"

"Well maybe I don't want you to help me! Maybe I just want to be left alone! Is that too much to ask for?!" She could feel tears in the back of her eyes, trying to break free. She couldn't let them through though.

"Is that why you want to leave so badly? Because you can't stand being around me anymore?" He never wanted to make that accusation but the words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them.

"You wouldn't understand, Prompto!"

"I would if you just talked to me! How can I understand if you don't tell me anything?" Prompto's own tears began to fall. He never wanted to fight with Katia, but she just wasn't listening to reason. All the frustration and sadness that'd been building up since they left Caem had reached a boiling point. And it seems like hers was as well.

"What do you want me to tell you? It's not like I can just come up to you and confess that I love you, now can I?!"

Prompto went silent, his anger evaporating. The moment she realized what she'd just said, Katia stepped back in shock. She just said that. He knew. And now he was going to hate her for being so shallow and jealous. The tears she'd been trying to hold back broke free, and she fell to her knees. She couldn't even muster any words, she just sat there and cried into her hands.

Prompto stood there, processing what he'd just heard. Part of him wanted to celebrate, knowing that she loved him back, but the other part couldn't. Not just because she was sobbing on the floor, but because there was something else going on that he didn't understand. Well, the first thing he needed to do was get her to calm down. He kneeled down to her level, holding back the urge to place a hand on her shoulder in fear that she'd back away. "Kat, do you really love me?" he asked, feeling like he needed to confirm it for certain.

"Why do you care?" she said though her sobs, not yet hyperventilating but clearly on the verge of it. "It's not like it matters!"

"What are you talking about? Why wouldn't it matter?" He spoke in the most calming voice he could, he had to approach this in a specific way.

"Because you already love someone else! And no matter what, I can't be like Cindy or Aranea! And I'm a selfish, jealous person who can't get over this! Not after seeing you confessing to Cindy or how you look at Aranea!"

So that was it. This whole mess started because she saw him ask Cindy out. That explained the pain in his chest he felt after he was turned down. Noctis was right, Katia never hated him. She loved him but thought she'd already lost her chance. Six, he felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. It felt completely obvious.

"Kat, Cindy rejected me and Aranea's way out of my league." he told her. He could still fix this. He just had to go slow.

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because I don't love them," Katia moved her hands from her face, a sniffle coming out of her as she tried to stop crying. "I mean, Cindy's amazing and all, but I realized I didn't love her when she rejected me. And Aranea's cool too, but I never even thought of trying to win her over. I was too worried about you. Besides, why would I care if you felt jealous about them?"

"I...I don't..." She tried to speak, but she couldn't form the words in her head. Now she felt stupid about all this. She knew better than to think that Prompto would care about such a thing. She was caught up in her heartbreak the entire time.

Well, she wasn't completely calm, but at least now she wouldn't back away from him. Feeling bold, Prompto lifted Katia off the floor and took her into his arms. It felt nice, warm, comforting. So this was what is felt like to hold your soulmate. He didn't want to let her go.

Katia didn't understand what was happening. She'd never been hugged by Prompto before, yet it felt so nice. Almost like she was supposed to be there. But as much as she wanted to enjoy the feeling, there were too many questions holding her back. "Prompto, why are you hugging me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He felt her shake her head. "It's 'cause I love you."

"I know, I know, I'm your best friend and all-"

"No Kat, I'm in love with you."

What did he just say? There's no way he could be telling the truth. Katia stepped out of his embrace, an attempt at smiling on her face that just looked extremely forced. "Ahahaha, that's a good joke there! You almost got me for a second!" She tried to force a happy tone, but it too just sounded awkward. She laughed, trying to make sense of the situation. He probably said that to make her feel better, yeah, that's it.

Prompto just frowned, she still didn't get it. He had to convince her and he didn't want to resort to the marking just yet. "Kat, I'm not joking. I'm serious. I do love you."

The uncomfortable laughter stopped, Katia struggling to hold her facade up. "Oh come on Prompto, you don't need to say that just to make me feel better. I've already accepted that I'm not gonna find love, especially not with you. So thanks for trying and all, but you can stop now." Tears were threatening to slip down her face again.

Prompto took a deep breath. He had to break this idea or else she'd never accept it. "Kat, why do you love me?"

She was startled by the sudden question. "Wh-What? Why are you-"

"Just answer the question. Tell me why you love me."

Katia stood there in thought for a moment, thinking over all the reasons she had. "Um, I love you because of your kindness. You're funny, interesting, energetic, I could go on really. You're always there for me when I'm upset, doing your best to make me smile again even in the worst circumstances," Kinda like now, not that she'd say it out loud. "You seem to know just what I need to hear before I do. And honestly, you're adorable. I love your smile, your freckles, your hair that looks like a chocobo, your eyes, your jokes, your voice, everything about you is so adorable to me. You're like living sunlight, always there to brighten up my day and shining as bright as you can. With all that in mind, how could I not love you?" A genuine smile finally graced her face.

Prompto felt like he was on the verge of tears, happy ones though. He just didn't get how Katia could see all that and more in him. "But compared to the others, I'm just a nobody. I'm not smart like Ignis, I'm not strong like Gladio, and I'm not royalty like Noct. There's a ton of better options out there for you, and yet you pick me."

Katia walked back over to him, wiping away a stray tear he didn't realize had escaped. "But I don't care about any of those things. I don't want royalty, or strength, or intelligence. Besides, Noct's not my type and is supposed to get hitched, Gladio's got nice muscles but isn't what I'm looking for, and Ignis has his own love life to figure out since we all know he's into you-know-who. That and he's too uptight for me. I don't want any of them, I want you. Because you're you. Because there's no one else like you in all of Eos."

Six, she was making him fall for her even more without even trying. "That's how I feel about you. You're sweet and kind, always worrying about others. You laugh at my jokes no matter how stupid they are. You're smart, smarter than you realize. You're passionate over whatever you love or set your mind too. You know about the side of me that I try to hide, and yet you still love me despite all that. Not to mention you're both beautiful and adorable at the same time," He brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "You're right, you can't be like Cindy or Aranea. But that doesn't matter because I don't want you to be like Cindy or Aranea. I want you because you're you. I love you for who you already are, Kat. And there's no one in all of Eos who comes close to you. No one could be a better fit for me."

Katia felt her heart skip a beat. That was too elaborate to be a joke or a lie or just something being said to make her feel better. This was real. Prompto loved her. And as much as she wanted to be happy about that, there was still one nagging question at the back of her mind. "Okay, you love me, I can't deny that. But surely there's someone out there who's a better fit for you. What about your soulmate? I mean, I already gave up on looking for mine because you make me happy, but surely yours is out there somewhere ready to make you happy, right?"

This was it. He could finally tell her. "I don't need to look for my soulmate," Prompto removed everything from his right arm, showing her his wrist. Katia looked confused at first, why show her his wrist when she'd already seen it herself? But then she realized what was there, and her eyes widened. "I've already found her, and she's right in front of me."

Katia slipped off her wristband, comparing the mark she was staring at to her own. Sure enough, it was the exact same chocobo feather mark, in the exact same place but mirrored. She'd been by her soulmate the whole time and never noticed. How could she be so stupid? "Wait, how did you know..." she tried to say, but couldn't finish the question.

"The night we were at the nightclub, you'd been tossing in your sleep. Squeaky was just lying there on the floor, so I thought I should bring him back to you and that's when I saw it," He took hold of her hand. "That's how I learned we were soulmates."

He squeezed her hand, and Katia felt the ever familiar warmth from it. But now she understood why she felt it, it was the marks reacting to each other. The more she thought about it, the stupider she felt for not realizing it sooner. "No wonder Noct was always teasing us, the little shit probably knew all along," she laughed. "How is it that he knew but I couldn't figure it out? I'm such an idiot."

Prompto chuckled as well. "Hey, I didn't realize it either until four days ago. So I guess that means we're both idiots."

"Yeah, we're both kinda stupid then. We'd have to be to not realize we've been in love with each other this whole damn time."

The two of them just looked at each other, awkward smiles on their faces. Suddenly, Katia tackled Prompto into a hug, sending them both on the bed's surface. They looked into each others eyes, knowing exactly what the other was thinking without even saying it. And it was something they both wanted for a long time. Without hesitation, Prompto wrapped his arms around her as their lips pressed against each other. They had no idea what they were doing, neither of them had any experience in kissing before, but they didn't care. In that moment, after letting out all those pent-up emotions and feelings they had for each other, this felt right. As the kiss prolonged, their bodies felt warmer. Was this what it was like to kiss your soulmate? Because they could get used to this.

They finally separated, the two of them rolled onto their sides. Their breathing felt heavy and their hearts were racing. In the back of their minds, the realization that they just kissed came to them, causing both of them to go red in the face. They sat up, unsure of what to say to each other.

"So, um, that was awkward..." Katia finally spoke up, a nervous laugh escaping her.

"Isn't that how a first kiss is supposed to be?" Prompto asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. ...It felt really good though."

"Yeah..."

More silence. Katia's hand inched towards Prompto's, taking hold of it. She would've prefered to stay there like that, but a question broke through the silence.

"Does this mean you'll stay with us? To go to Altissia I mean." Prompto asked.

Katia thought about it. Just moments ago she'd been teetering on the edge of leaving or staying, but after all that just happened she knew exactly what she wanted. Being with Prompto made her happy, being with her made him happy. She'd stuck around this long, there was no good reason for her to stop now. Besides, she'd probably just be worried sick about him if she didn't go with him. She edged back to his side, resting her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, I'm gonna stay. Someone has to keep you out of trouble after all."

Prompto's chest felt lighter than air. This was the Katia he wanted to see, the Katia he fell in love with. And now she was back. "I love you Kat."

"I love you too, Prom."

Yep, that solidified it, Katia was back to her old self. He never wanted to see her like that again, for any reason. He swore to himself that he'd never make her sad again, that she'd never fall into that state ever again.

"So what do we do now?" Katia asked, separating herself from Prompto.

"Well, there's still the whole arcade thing if you're up to it. Though we should still go get some breakfast-"

Katia giggled. "No Prom, I meant about us. Are we a couple now, should we even jump into that? I don't know how this whole soulmate thing works."

"Oh. That's what you meant." He sat there in thought for a moment. "I mean, I wanna be your boyfriend. Would you be okay with that?"

"...Yeah, I want you to be my boyfriend. And I wanna be your girlfriend."

"So I guess we're dating then."

"Though knowing us, we probably have been this whole time without realizing it." Both of them laughed at that comment.

"Fair enough." Prompto jumped off the bed and held his hand out for Katia. "How about we celebrate our official first date with some breakfast though?"

She stood up as well. "That sounds like a good idea to-OH CRAP."

Prompto was startled by the sudden yell. "What's wrong?"

Katia searched through her pockets, frantically looking for something. "No, no, no, don't tell me I lost it! I had something I wanted to give you but now I can't find it! I worked so hard on it too!"

Prompto looked through his pockets, finding the chocobo feather necklace Noctis had handed him. "You wouldn't be talking about this, would you?" He held it out for her to see.

"Yes, but, how'd you find it? I wanted to surprise you with it."

"Noct found it. Told me I should hang on to it until this moment," He slipped it on, the colors standing out a bit compared to his Crownsguard outfit. "If it helps, I was surprised when Noct showed it to me. I love it. Thanks Kat."

His smiles could just melt her heart, and she swore he knew that now. "That's good. Let's go get some food, I'm super hungry."

"Wait, one last thing!" Before she could ask, Prompto dug out his camera. "Gotta take a special picture to celebrate us becoming a couple!" Of course that's what he wanted. Not that she minded. She was perfectly happy to take a picture with him. She stood next to him as the camera was pointed their way. "You ready?" She nodded her head. She expected him to tell her to say cheese, but instead she felt a kiss being left on her cheek as the camera took the photo. Not that she would complain. She was just happy all this weirdness was over. That she was with her soulmate, Prompto Argentum.

--------------------------------

Noctis was surprised to hear his phone go off for the second time that day. Thankfully they'd just dealt with the hunt they took on, so he was free to answer it. Not even looking at the caller ID, he answered the phone. "You okay Prompto?"

"You bet I'm okay! I'm on top of the world, Noct!" Prompto's cheery voice sounded from the other end.

"So I take it that you finally confessed?"

"You could say that. It's a little complicated. Point is, Kat's back to normal and we're sort of a couple now."

"Sort of?"

"You know what I mean. Anyway, she's decided to stay with us! We're about to head out for a nearby hunt to make sure she's in top condition, but the next chance you get you should come pick us up in Lestallum. We won't need to be staying here anymore."

"Got it. I'll let Specs know to head over there asap. You two take care of your business and we'll meet you at the usual parking spot."

"Awesome! I'll let Kat know! See you guys soon!" Prompto hung up.

Noctis put his phone away and chuckled. He knew they'd spit things out if he just left them alone. He turned around to Gladio and Ignis, who were dusting themselves off from the fight. "Hey Ignis, let's hit the road! We have to pick up Prompto and Kat!"

"Very well. I suppose all good things must come to an end eventually." Ignis said, earning him a playful punch in the arm from Gladio.

"Aw don't deny it, you like those two kids." he said.

Ignis didn't respond and simply went to the Regalia. "I'll get the car started." Gladio followed behind him until Noctis held him back with his arm.

"I believe you owe me 500 gil."

[chocolate-brownies]

Office politics. Dictatorial bosses. Coworkers’ emotions bouncing up and down and sideways. Hi-tech tools that keep changing and updating. An uncertain economy and a volatile job market. Escalating levels of expectation. Loss of direction. Too much to do. Too little time. Not enough sleep.

Whether you work in a traditional or progressive environment, on your own or in a sea of cubicles, work life is full of challenges. Most of us are beholden to the income we receive from our jobs, and beyond that, we get up and go to work because we have a real desire to contribute to the greater good. Turning away from work is not an option for most of us, so we buck up and throw ourselves into the challenges of the workplace. Some of us are doing well, successful and satisfied. But too many of us are not happy at work. We’re stressed out and quite possibly confused. We may appear to be effective, but gnawing issues like those above can make work secretly (or not so secretly) a drag. That’s not great for us and it’s not great for the people we’re working with. So where do we begin if we want to improve our work life for ourselves and those around us? I suggest starting with the mind. Ask yourself: what is the quality of my mind at work? What’s happening in my mind as the hours at work go by day in and day out? Is my mind working at its utmost?

Ask yourself: what is the quality of my mind at work?

The mind contains untold resources and possibilities—for creativity, kindness, compassion, insight, and wisdom. It’s a storehouse of tremendous energy and drive. And yet it can also be a nattering annoyance, an untamed animal, or a millstone that drags us down. Sometimes we would like to just shut it off so we can get some work done or have a moment’s peace. Yet our mind is the one thing we can’t shut off. So why not make the most of it instead? Why not put it to good use? Through mindfulness, we can train our minds to work better.

By training us to pay attention moment by moment to where we are and what we’re doing, mindfulness can help us choose how we will behave, nudging (or jolting) us out of autopilot mode. Here are a few suggestions for how to bring mindfulness into our workplace. This won’t just give us some relief from stress; it can actually change, even transform, how we work.

Four Ways To Create a More Mindful Work Routine

1) Keep an open mind

Do we see what is really there, or is what we experience filtered through our own thoughts and preconceptions? Maybe we should check how we’re seeing before we try to change what we’re seeing. First, we need to make sure our lens is clear.

Much of the suffering and discomfort we experience at work—and elsewhere—stems from our deeply held views, opinions, and ideas that become lenses through which we perceive the events of our lives. No doubt the machinery of perception each of us has developed has served us well for the most part, guiding and supporting us at critical junctures. But the burden of adhering to set patterns of perceiving while we grapple with the drama and minutiae of everyday life can be limiting and, frankly, an invitation to misery.

When we’re convinced things ought to be a certain way and they’re not, we suffer. When someone refuses to act in the way we think they should, we suffer. When we don’t get what we want, when we want it—or when we get what we don’t want, anytime—you guessed it: we suffer. The workplace, such a microcosm of life in its entirety, is rife with opportunities to march straight into suffering. What we need to explore is whether our distress really derives from the workplace itself or instead from how we apply our default ways of perceiving to the challenges we face at work.

The workplace, such a microcosm of life in its entirety, is rife with opportunities to march straight into suffering.

The mind will try to force any situation it meets into its favorite ways of perceiving and will react with distress when it meets resistance. Many years ago I had a coworker who consistently got me riled up. She had a way of doing things that just got under my skin. I would think to myself, “If she would only act this way instead of that way, we would all be happier and more productive.” This was pretty much a daily, and sometimes hourly, occurrence.

Of course, what I was really feeling was that if she acted differently, I would be happier and more productive. I was seeking the comfort of the familiar and the expected and yearned for my coworker to act in a way that precisely supported my needs. However, as soon as I realized that I was caught up in a particular way of perceiving, I found I could alter my perception and apply real choice to how I felt about her. And when choice entered the equation, I quickly realized I no longer needed my colleague to change—because I had.

It can be difficult enough to be open-minded toward others, but it is even more difficult to be open-minded toward oneself. It takes real training. To discover the ways of perceiving you’re apt to blindly apply, experiment with keeping yourself curious, attentive, and receptive.

Whenever you detect yourself falling into an old, familiar pattern, stop and examine what is actually going on. Notice the physical sensations in your body; notice the emotions that have bloomed; notice what stories your mind is generating that make your body tense and inflame your emotions. But it’s important not to disparage yourself for falling into an old and unhelpful pattern. Recognize the potentially explosive negative charge generated by your body, thoughts, and emotions. Accept that it has arisen, then make the decision to be in control of it instead of being controlled by it.

2) Learn to respond, rather than react

Inflexible patterns of perceiving inevitably prove too small, too confining, for all that our minds need to encompass and accomplish. Inflexible patterns of reacting squeeze the life out of us. Each of us has our own pet scenarios that chafe against our expectations. When they pop up, they threaten to stir up jealousy, anger, defensiveness, mindless striving, and a stew of other possibilities. We may end up saying or doing something hurtful, something we’ll regret later and may have to apologize for. We leapt before we looked.

Conversely, when we stop to examine how we typically respond to situations, we create space for more creative and flexible responses. Ultimately, as we build the habit of mindfully examining our responses in the moment, mindful awareness becomes our new default mode.

Let’s take an example that hopefully is not too familiar. You’ve been working tirelessly with a coworker on a project, but when it comes time to receive accolades for the project’s success, your partner manages to take all the credit. You’re now entering that decisive moment when you have the chance to become master of your reactions. Or, to put it another way, to meet your experience.

By decoupling what’s happening from your reaction to what’s happening, odds are you will prevent yourself from simply being carried along by the experience and instead will prove yourself capable of getting ahead of it.

Becoming aware of the impact the slight has had on you is the first step. Separate yourself from yourself just enough to allow you to examine, free from rote reactions, how your body, emotions, and thoughts are combining to gear up for a response.

By decoupling what’s happening from your reaction to what’s happening, odds are you will prevent yourself from simply being carried along by the experience and instead will prove yourself capable of getting ahead of it.

In examining your thoughts, you’ll probably see a story forming, something along the lines of how you heroically brought the project to completion, only to have it stolen away at the last minute. Once you can see this narrative open out before you like a book—once you have become the reader of the story instead of its protagonist—you have put yourself in position to let it evaporate. You may notice how the pounding heart, sweaty palms, and tightened shoulders you just experienced slip away along with the storyline you just let go of. You gently shift to a state that is more relaxed and, as a result, more confident. States of being, which can seem so permanent and monumental, are not in fact static. They shift moment to moment, and they can change in response to our awareness of them. It’s amazing how easily a grimace can morph into a smile.

There’s no need to assume that mindful self-examination means you have to allow your coworker to take credit where credit isn’t due. Rather, its goal is to allow you to respond in a new way that frees you from old, ingrained, automatic patterns.

3) Remember, thoughts are not facts

Consciously, confidently meeting experiences, instead of being carried away by them, is a practice you can apply in all situations. It is helpful not just in emotionally charged events like the one above, but also in situations that may seem insignificant, but which could become more significant if left unexamined.

Let’s say you’ve taken the attitude that the tasks assigned to you are unimportant or undervalued. Ask yourself if you feel that way because it is true. Or do you feel that way because you’re so used to telling yourself it’s true that you can’t think of it in any other way?

Think even smaller. Imagine something as routine as the way you hoist the phone to your ear when it rings. By really examining this action—seemingly so inconsequential, so unworthy of examination—you feel like it’s something you’re doing for the very first time. You may detect anxiety traveling down your arm and tension as you pick up the phone. Experiencing everyday actions up close in this way is not about being self-conscious. It’s about bringing choice, attention, and awareness back into things that you’ve allowed to become automatic. By opening up to the tiniest habit, you make it possible to crack open the larger habits, which seem more resistant to change. You can look at every action and interaction freshly.

The more you understand your own mind, the more you can understand the minds of others. If you come to understand your own body language, you can read the body language of others better. Mindfulness doesn’t give you a crystal ball, but it tends to increase your empathy, your ability to put yourself in someone’s shoes with greater understanding. It enhances your connection with other people and supports you as you build relationships. No action, reaction, interaction, or relationship ever feels uninteresting or unworkable if a curious mind is brought to bear on it. You can actually transform that feeling of, “Oh man, here comes John, my supervisor—I bet he wants me to change my work, again” into “Here comes John again. How can I see and hear him, without judgment, as though we were interacting for the very first time—just dealing with what comes up in the moment?”

4) Build healthy habits

For mindfulness to work at work, it helps to have both a formal practice of mindfulness and informal practices that extend mindfulness into everyday life. Formal practice involves learning a basic mindfulness meditation such as following the breath and practicing it on a regular, preferably daily, schedule. Informal practice, no less important, can literally take place any second of the day. It involves nothing more than focusing the mind on whatever is happening in the present moment, outside of the shopworn patterns we have built up over a lifetime.

Mindfulness interrupts the conditioned responses that prevent us from exploring new avenues of thought, choking our creative potential. Each time we stand up against a habit—whether it’s checking our smartphone during a conversation or reacting defensively to a coworker’s passing remark—we weaken the grip of our conditioning. We lay down new tracks in the brain and fashion new synaptic connections. We become less likely in the future to default to patterns that can trap us into being satisfied with ineffective and outmoded strategies. We take steps to improve not only how we are at work but the work environment itself.

In this way, mindfulness is not just personal. It has a contagious quality that will change the culture in an organization—not necessarily in big, sweeping ways but gradually, incrementally.

This article also appeared in the August 2013 issue of Mindful magazine.

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