#“lets be honest i might as well bullshit them. no ones going to care about them when the entire bakery is right there”

[xxcherrycherixx]

Birthday Cake

[miraculousares]

Okay so I have some thoughts about the end of full moon and more specifically on Blitzø's rant at the end. I already posted a little analysis about how he only knows how to communicate through raw emotion, and I think that his venting is such a clear example of that. I feel like this is the most honest Blitzø has been at least in the last 15 years if not ever, and I can't stop thinking about how hard he's trying to talk openly with Stolas. So spoilers for Full Moon obviously.

*deep breath*

"What? Fuck you, Stolas! You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding?!"

As we well know, Blitzø has never felt worthy of love. He's always blown up every relationship (sorry for the pun) he's ever been in. Be it romantic, platonic, familial, even in the workplace he struggles. So the few occasions when Stolas has thrown out hints that he might love Blitzø for more than the sex, he's never been able to even process it. Stolas has never given him a clear indication that he feels anything more than horny for him and without any warning he's suddenly confessing his love in the middle of what Blitzø thought was just yet another transactional bang sesh.

"Can I get a fucking minute to think?"

Sure, Blitzø got the chance to have a genuine, in the moment conversation with Fizz, but that was nothing compared to this. He'd had 15 years to process his feelings of regret and he was someone he'd been vulnerable with before, albeit a long time ago. Here, trapped in a huge silent room with Stolas and all of his half-processed feelings that are tangled around so many other problems, Blitzø has no tools for this type of situation.

"After everything you put me through you pompous, rich asshole!"

While it hurts to say, Stolas really has put Blitzø through a lot. Aside from everything I'm gonna mention with the next line, he's hurt Blitzø time and time again. Be it covering his face at Ozzie's, humiliating him on stage at the Harvest Moon Festival, constantly degrading him and reminding him of his 'impish' lower status. It's obvious to the viewer that Stolas does care so deeply for Blitzø and that he's trying to change and atone for all of that, to Blitzø all he's done is give him space for a few months and then suddenly confess his feelings out of nowhere.

"Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that. I mean you royal fucks think you can do this every time. Like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important!"

Okay here we go, diving into probably the biggest problem they have to tackle before they can truly accept love from one another: the class difference. Stolas' palace is crawling with imp servants who are treated as objects by the whole family and Blitzø has seen that. And then there's Blitzø, who is being treated with the respect of a living, breathing, independent-thinking demon but that's about it. He still talks down to him and goes so far as calling him his plaything on several occasions. I don't know exactly how the horns work/feel for imps, but I imagine Blitzø having a cigarette put out on his probably felt degrading at best. To Blitzø, he's providing a service for Stolas in exchange for reward, just like the rest of his servants. They both clearly know how wrong that is, but that dynamic needs to be seriously broken down from both ends before anything could possibly work between them. Blitzø is trying to do that with this line, he's trying so hard to tell Stolas how it made him feel because it hurt him but he wants to fix things.

"Well I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!"

Fuuuuuuuck this line hit me so hard. This whole time, he's been venting and yelling and in doing that he's sorting through how he feels. He's being confronted with something so far out of his comfort zone but instead of trying to run or hide like he usually would, he's trying to figure things out because no matter how afraid he is he clearly wants to have this conversation. He's trying to open it up to Stolas after airing out everything he was able to sort through, he's telling him that he wants to have this conversation.

"Stolas wait, I'm s-"

God this is so heartbreaking and I know a lot of people are pissed off about how Full Moon ended, I honestly think that this was perfect writing for each of these characters. Stolas has only ever been talked to in fanciful language, subtle comments, and straight abusive yelling, he doesn't know how to hear anything Blitzø is saying and instead only hears his tone and his harsh words. But Blitzø doesn't know how to communicate any other way and gah this argument/confession/breakup was exactly what they needed to push them forward to actually facing the problems between them rather than tiptoing around them

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

Hello, I just wanted to tell you that I love how you write!!!!...and I was wondering if I could ask for Geo x friendly reader with everyone, only if it is possible 🙌

Serenity within Camaraderie (Geo x Friendly and Kind! MC/Reader)

Hope you enjoy Anon! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer

Camaraderie: mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were possibly one of the most amiable people to have ever lived.

You were kind, respectful, honest, sweet.

You treated everyone well...you made people feel hopeful, calm, content.

It wasn't for show either.

Your heart was gilded and gold, opulent and adorned with angels. Like you. You were an angel.

In Geo's cold, hardened heart, you were like a flame.

Hot tongues that wrapped around his frozen soul, warming it until the ice and numbness melted away.

When Crowe first introduced you to the group, Geo was sceptical.

Nobody was simply nice for the sake of it, there had to be an aim, a desire, a goal involved. (He has no self-worth)

He reacted more hostile to you in the beginning, he wanted you to leave, to have that stupid niceness leave.

He wanted you to avoid him, hell, even insulting him would make more sense.

Kindness? Showing him respect and caring for him because he fucking exists? His bullshit detector is blaring.

Will try and sus out anything remotely strange that you do, trying to see if you have ulterior motives...

Well, until he asks you. Maybe with a bit of an underlying threat. "What's your motive." "My what?" "Nobody is as nice and polite as you without wanting something." "I mean...yeah. I guess." "So what're you after? Money, influence-" "I just wanna be friends Geo! Jeez!"

After a while, Geo does notice how charmingly sweet you are.

No matter who it may be, you always treated people with kindness, with respect. You made people at ease with your friendliness.

So he starts to accept that might just be your nature.

You treat people the way you want to be treated, with kindness, love and respect.

Then he slowly starts to realise how popular you are.

And...well...he dislikes it.

Your attention is elsewhere, is it not? Always trying to help out others, trying to support and be the pillar for the skies that are the student body.

Geo wanted you to stick with the group, to stick with him.

He'd never confess that of course, but he would try to use his reputation and intimidation to slowly get people away from you, much to your dismay.

You often grew sad when people pushed you away, telling them that they simply were too busy for you.

Well, except his group, along with his stupid brother and his friend.

So, despite his plans working, he decides to let you be as long as he his group are your priority.

Your favourites.

Your best friends.

He wants you to get attached, because then you won't go.

You won't abandon him for the hundreds of other people whom adore and cherish you.

And soon, you don't.

You hang out with the group, you grow close to Brittney, Jess and Deryl, before slowly worming your way further into his gelid, stone heart.

He fears the effect you have, he fears what would happen if his stoic facade were to collapse under the weight of your benevolence.

He doesn't think he deserves to be cared for by you...but alas, you continue to be your amiable self.

You tell him things about your day, while he is slowly panning out all the priceless nuggets of information that he has on you.

He will eventually start being more open to you.

Well, as open as Geo can be.

But you don't mind, you're just happy he wants to talk to you.

And it warms his heart bit by bit.

Seeing your smile when you wave to him.

He wants more. And he'll get more.

Will he eventually realise his feelings? Debatable.

But he does care for you, and if you happen to like him back? He'll accept. Quietly. "So...uh...wanna. Ehem, uh. Do you wanna hang out...some...sometime?" "Fine...sure."

He will be a bit caught off guard. And frankly, can you blame him? He's never been loved a day in his life.

But you're gonna change that. Bit by bit.

And slowly, your warmth, your kindness, your friendliness cracks Geo(de)'s cold exterior more and more. Until little cracks form, and from those cracks you see slits of a beautiful heart of gold, one filled with love, but frozen under endless layers of 'security'.

You'll make sure he relearns, that he understands that he's perfect the way he is.

And he'll slowly, after a long time, start to believe it.

[galene-gothic]

How will your future spouse make you feel?

PAID SERVICES

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Pile 1

I'm being brought to the talking stage of the relationship, when nothing is defined yet. Your future spouse will make you feel like they take you for granted or like they know how much power they have over you and use it to their advantage. You, regardless of how controlled you are normally, are going to feel like a control freak because of them. 'And this thrill of a chase, moves in mysterious ways and in case I'm mistaken, I just want to hear 'you got me baby, are you mine?' You will not know where you stand with them and you'll feel like you're chasing them and you won't be able to stop no matter how hard you try. They'll make you feel really unstable during this time, it's not in a bad way but it's just that they're naturally hard to get. You will think that they're kind of a player or are atleast playing with you. They'll make you go through extremes of the 'talking stage jealousy'. They'll make you want to control them too, not in an unhealthy manner obviously. 'Psycho' by Red Velvet seems to be the energy during that time of the relationship. Not to spoil it for you but it's going to be a slow burn with one person catching feelings right from the start. They're going to make you feel really hesitant and scared. I'm getting the both of you coming off distant to the other. You are going to be really anxious because of them. They'll confuse you, you won't know how to read them. It feels like they like you a lot at times but mostly it feels like you've lost/lack interest in them.

You like them first, do everything for them, you overwhelmingly love them while still acting distant, they choose to get a partner 💀, you feel hurt, they break up with their ex partner, you continue loving them and start talking to them again once they break up but they already chose someone else so you try your best to see them as just a friend. They will make you feel left out in the cold :( which you forgive them for because you love them a lot. You don't know where you stand with them, they don't know where they stand with you but they start loving you more and more as they continue spending time with you. You don't expect much from them anymore though but you love them a lot, you're just too scared at this point. A lot of anxiety, indecisiveness and nervousness. After this, the roles seem to kind of reverse, the both of you will feel like you lost the other already. I'm getting that your person is going to struggle more in this scenario because they will feel tremendous guilt, they'll feel like they have no one but themself to blame for the way that things turned out. I won't lie, this relationship is going to take time building intimacy even though there's an instant click and deep understanding of how the other functions but when the relationship is established enough even as just a friendship, it's going to be the most beautiful thing ever. I'm getting silent suffering because of the other.

Let's look at how they'll make you feel once the both of you enter a relationship because I'm starting to feel upset now. Ahaha, I don't like the way this pile is progressing 💀. I'm going to be honest, this time you'll feel like maybe there is better grass elsewhere. By the time, the both of you enter a relationship, you'll be quite tired and find with their bullshit. They might not be able to express affection to you in a way where you feel loved. They might make you feel bitter at that time. You might be going through a rough patch regarding something else in your life as well, you will be going through some transformation. The both of you might play a lot of mind games with each other until you eventually split. I'm getting the both of you caring a lot about the other though, being selfless and considering the other's feelings before taking any major decisions. It's like no matter how much this person expresses love to you, it just doesn't feel enough. Your lesson will be to let go of impossible standards. You'll probably end up splitting for a while.

I'll look at how they'll make you feel once you're married or in an extreme commitment, so, the both of you might spend a lot of time isolating from the rest of the people and might be in your own world. The both of you might be too different and might have a hard time relating with each other. I'm not getting an extremely negative energy. The both of you will choose/want to deal with your own issues by yourselves, you might not want to trouble your partner and vice versa. I'm getting a sense of emotional detachment from the both of you. You'll give each other a lot of space. I think your relationship/marriage is very much a lesson for the both of you. The both of you do love each other a lot, however, your emotional bond is strong in a way where it's intuitive and triggering rather than in a way where it's easy and comfortable.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Pile 2

Finally the good pile, they'll make you feel absolutely adored, regardless of your gender, they'll make you feel very feminine. There's a chance that this person will pursue you. They'll see you in an extremely positive light and express it outwardly which will make you feel really validated. They'll make you feel so loved and appreciated that you will want to love them too. You'll feel a sense of loyalty towards them because of the warm space that they've created only for you. You'll feel like this person really romanticizes you, they see your flaws and darker aspects but overlook them because they love you. I'm not getting them ignoring your flaws, they'll definitely acknowledge it and accept you as you are, they'll understand you and will want to love you so they choose to see the best in you always. You'll feel really touched by the affection that they give you and you'll want to reciprocate it too. They might come to you for advice which will make you feel like they consider you to be someone mature and you'll naturally end up acting in a mature manner around them.

They'll make you feel things that you have never felt before. 'Sometimes we talk all night long, we don't shut up and when it's late, we'll say we're still wide awake so, we love to talk about how you'll come up to visit me and we'll rent a car and we'll drive upstate, it's affection, always, oh you're gonna see it someday, my attention for you even if it's not what you need.' The song 'affection' by cigarettes after sex is coming through very strongly to describe their feelings towards you and also the way they make you feel.

They'll make you feel like you're a good person which will motivate you to improve yourself and also make you more comfortable with being yourself in front of others. You'll hold a lot of compassion and empathy towards them. You'll understand why they're the way that they are and they'll understand why you're the way that you are. You'll feel like they can't do any harm because of the way they treat you and also the way they treat and talk about others. I feel like this pile struggles with trusting people but crave an otherworldly level of intimacy. You want a romance that lasts lifetimes. The fact that they trust you so much will trigger you at first but you'll start trusting them and fall for them before you even realize. I feel like they'll be the first and maybe the only person you'll feel so much love, respect, trust and adoration towards.

Some people might act like you don't have feelings but they'll take even your slightest emotions into consideration. You'll feel so lucky to have them in your life. They'll basically breathe life into you. They'll also get you in touch with aspects of yourself that you weren't aware of (both good and bad). I wouldn't be surprised if you end up pushing them away. They'll make you realise that you need an intellectual match when it comes to relationships. They'll not only get you in touch with your hidden aspects when it comes to emotions but also when it comes to the way your mind works. The thing about you is that you have an extremely complex personality, you're both the loving, kind, intuitive, affectionate and caring queen of cups and also the ruthless, rational, independent and cold queen of swords. You have a hard time feeling understood but this person will understand and love you exactly the way you need it, you might have a hard time accepting it but you eventually will. They'll give you an opportunity to grow and they might be admired by everyone which will make you feel like you have some competition. The both of you might also have disagreements that keep the relationship interesting.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Pile 3

They'll help you see how unsupportive most of the people around you are. You'll be feeling extremely homesick before you meet them but you won't be aware of it. It's like you might have felt like you never truly belonged anywhere, your entire life. They'll make you realise how deep you want your connections to be. They'll make you want to form bonds that satisfy you to the soul. The relationship might not be well received by other people. They'll trigger your fears 'I just hope she don't wanna leave me', 'dark red' by Steve Lacy just came through. You'll feel like they'll stay but you'll be so scared that they'll abandon you. You'll feel really anxious because of how much they seem to adore you. You'll be really confused and your intuition will heighten but you'll have a hard time differentiating between anxiety and intuition. An extremely emotional connection though. You'll end up loving them even if you try to avoid it because of how deeply they seem to love you.

You'll feel really comfortable with them, you'll feel like you can literally talk to them about anything. The both of you might have quite a lot of fights though because both of you seem to be triggered. They're the kind of partner that you'll be proud of. They'll also boost your status and popularity in some way. I'm getting that they'll be your best friend and your partner at the same time. You'll feel really royal and lucky to have them. They're the kind of partner that'll make you want to settle down. No one else catches your eye anymore because you're so focused on them. You'll truly love them as a person and they'll really appreciate that. The feelings that you have for them will be really deep, not based on anything material. They'll make you feel extremely passionate and happy. You'll see them as an extremely important part of your life basically a pillar.

The vibe here seems to go from 'us against the world' to 'we are each other's world'. They might express love to you in really grand and celebratory yet touching way. You'll feel a deep and profound sense of affection towards them. I'm getting that some of you might not have the best relationship with your family so they'll be the first person that you consider to be your family. They'll be the first person that has ever made you feel loved or made you feel loved in a way that you've never felt before. The both of you seem to be the kind who'll always be on the same page regardless of how long you've stayed apart and how much you've changed. 'Sofia know that you and I, shouldn't feel like a crime' Sofia by Clairo seems to be kind of the theme song of your relationship. You might wonder why they even love you but they'll affirm it to you again and again because they love you. You might try to push them away but the both of you will never be able to give up on the other. They'll make you feel extremely wanted and welcomed and you won't be used to feeling that way so you'll test them and put them through trials and stuff.

[digenerate-trash]

Yans finding out pc has a promiscuous reputation? Like…they’re straight up the town bicycle lmao

Robin

Devastated. He has no idea why you would do this. Why would you betray him like this? Youre cheating on him? You two had something special and he's desperately trying to grapple with this realization. It's worse if he has to find out on his own. The poor little idiot probably goes to Bailey for advice… and Bailey is less than kind with his ideas on how to keep you contained. 

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Whitney

He is happy to share you. Happy to show you off as well but youre doing this on your own? With no coaxing? Thats … fine. He guesses and tries not to let it bother him. Would prefer people ask him before using you. It's the chain of command after all. He's gonna try not to let it get to him but it bothers him like nails on a chalkboard as the days go on he gets rougher and rougher with you hoping that it sets in that you might be the town's whore. But he owns you. 

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Eden

Cage time. :) No more leaving for you. 

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Kylar

The dude is ruined! Has he not been good enough for you? Has he not provided enough? He can! He can have sex with you so much! Just let him! He can do it! He keeps trying to take up all your time. Tries to fuck you every chance he gets. If youre resistant he's just going to drug you and drag you home. He can be a good husband! You just have to give him a chance 

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Avery

Youre ruining his reputation. It's not fun when he goes to parties and people give you knowing glances and say suggestive things to you. He's gotta keep you on a tighter leash. Perhaps literally… he could pay Bailey directly to keep you in his direct care for a bit… maybe some training is to keep you loyal

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Black Wolf

I can't imagine he cares to be honest. As long as you’re back to hunt and take care of the pack. It's a different story if youre carrying human pups. But hell just get rid of them and breed you properly. He's still the pack leader after all. 

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Great Hawk

Kinda upset. Can't have your spouse cheating on you that's just rude. But he's just going to isolate you and keep you home. Youre grounded (so to speak) he does everything for you. Hunts gather supplies to keep you fed and happy and no matter how much you ask to leave you can't. 

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Alex

Pretty upset. But he is just going to keep making your relationship clear. Some guilt-tripping. Needs you to know that he's the only one for you. He wants to set in the idea that you betrayed him and you owe him. Slow to forgive you but doesn't let you leave. Doesnt break up the relationship. Keeps you close

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Sydney

Pure Sydney is heartbroken. Yall haven't even had sex and yet half the town has had a chance at you? People at school? People he knows?? Sydney is so broken up he might become even more entrenched in his church bullshit. Asking Jordan for help. Needing validation that it's not his fault you cheated. He comes crawling back eventually but he's not happy and he demands that you go through the purity ritual and join the church. 

Corrupt Sydney sees it more as a power play thing?? Sure you can be as promiscuous as you like but if you want Sydney you have to grovel on your knees about how he's the only one for you. You have needs and Sydney gets that but if youre gonna be a whore about it at least apologize with your mouth when you come back to him. 

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Bailey

Doesn't care if you have to uck your way out of a situation or two. This town is fucked up and he gets that but if youre just doing this for fun Bailey is insulted. Gonna beat your ass for thinking you can get away with ‘cheating’ on him (he has not established what relationship you have its confusing to both of you) he gets two extra padlocks for your door. Raises your rent. Does not want to talk about how betrayed he feels

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Harper

He's the reason youre fucking the whole town. He wants to hear every gross detail you have. He's not upset at all when you complain that youre still horny. Therapy sessions get a little more involved after that. You may be even due for a trip to the asylum if you tease the poor doctor enough

[americantfootball]

hiii im not sure if you take reqs and you can ignore this if you want but i rlly love how u write the proxies!! ^__^ may i req for hcs of them in a poly relationship with reader? like who fell first, how they came to terms with being poly and etc

thx anon ! sorry for getting to ur request so late. i'd love to write for this. hope u enjoy :,) this is a oneshot cause i didn't know how to start this one up i kinda just kept writinggg lol

----

ACCIDENTAL CONFESSION — proxies

cw, } gn!reader (they and them prns used), drinking, a little suggestive, mention of murder, why choose?

summary , } going out to the bar for a quick drink was not supposed to lead to this...

When you were first "chosen" as one of Slenderman's proxies, it was, undeniably, significantly overwhelming. Not only being introduced to one entity that you would be working for but several others that you were working and living with... yeah... a bit nerve-wracking.

Toby was incredibly welcoming, having been in the same situation as you when he arrived at the mansion for the first time. He undoubtedly found you attractive, but he would never willingly admit it. That was until...

The proxies were all tired and after one of their missions decided to visit the local bar for a quick drink. At this point, you were well acquainted with one another and the boys even felt comfortable taking their masks off around you when going into public spaces.

The dark sky was cloudy and the wind nipped aggressively at your skin as the four of you stepped into a small bar on the outskirts of a town in which you were unaware of the name.

Masky, or rather Tim, as he told you to call him in public, showed the group to a booth sitting in the back corner of the pub. Even through the blaring country music playing on an old jukebox, you could hear Toby grumble a soft complaint about the melodies playing from the machine, causing Hoodie, who told you to call him Brian, to send a glare toward Toby at the insult but ultimately say nothing. Hoodie-- Brian-- wasn't a man of many words, you found.

When you all finally found your seats at the booth that Tim had so gracefully picked out, he ordered a round of beers for all four of you.

Several rounds later, evidently, you and Toby were the only ones not drunk. Toby didn't like drinking-- he mentioned something about his father being an alcoholic-- and you knew you guys would need someone with a proper license and driving knowledge to be able to drive you all back to the cabin you were staying in when the time came to leave.

Tim pulled out a cigarette to smoke despite the 'no smoking' sign hanging near the front entrance of the building, but none of the employees nor the other patrons of the establishment seemed to care or even notice.

"It might be time to move on. It's getting late and we need to get up early tomorrow morning so we can make it back at a decent time," You reasoned, and Toby nodded, staring into your eyes intently as you spoke. Masky grumbled.

"Awww-- you're no fun," He slurred, setting down his half-drunken pint of beer and taking another drag of his cigarette. His eyes met yours, similar to Toby's. "Don't be such a saint. I'm sure you can have fun sometimes."

You caught yourself blushing at Tim's dumb innuendo, but you huffed and crossed your arms, avoiding eye contact.

"So cute when you pout. Wish you'd just be mine."

Everything seemed to pause for a split second when Tim spoke those words. Even Brian's drunken head seemed to move to the side to stare at his best friend when he let those words slip loose. Toby's jaw practically hit the table his elbows were resting on.

Through all of these reactions, Tim looked unbothered. He snuffed his cigarette out on the table and shrugged.

"What? Y'all are looking at me like I just murdered your grandma's dog."

"Do you really mean that, Tim?" You ask, overcome with confusion and desire to know if he was being honest.

"Do I take you as the type to bullshit?"

Everyone at the booth paused, at a loss for words. Tim was right-- he often said what he meant when he felt it-- even at the risk of other's feelings.

"M-Masky--" Toby babbled.

"Tim." He corrected.

"Y-You can't feel th-that way about th-them. Th-they're m-mine," Toby admits, making your mouth open with shock before Brian moves to speak.

"I feel the same way about them."

"Wait-- do you guys all like me-- like that?" You question, at an utter loss for words. All three of the boys nod in unison.

"Well-- who do you choose, angel?" Masky questions, all of the boys on the edge of their seats and eager to hear your most anticipated answer.

"Who says you can't share me?"

[charlywrites]

Requested by anon

Request; Can you write a photographer!reader x soft!daniel where you have been tired lately due to jet lag and uploading content and daniel notices it and takes her to his driver's room to cuddle up until quali and smiles how she's peaceful in his arms

Warnings; overworking, lack of sleep? but overall, it’s a fluff fic.

Note; crying at the thought that we might never see Danny racing in a F1 car after this season,, losing Sebastian is enough, I can’t lose him too 😔

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

You loved your job more than anything- you could even say that you were married to it. Being able to combine your two passions into one singular job was quite literally a dream but it was incredibly demanding and exhausting as well.

It was your first job within F1 and any experiences you had gotten before didn’t prepare you for the amount of work you’d have. The good thing was that work didn’t discourage you when it was something you were truly passionated about.

In all honesty, it felt like you were never stopping, when you weren’t taking pictures during the weekends, you needed to work on uploading them to your laptop, sorting them all, editing them when it was needed and finally, you’d send them to the medias managers.

If you had to be honest, it wasn’t rare to find you awake at 3 am, still glued on your laptop. It was your first season working for an F1 team, while it had been months since you started working for McLaren, you were still struggling to get used to the countless of flights from a country to another.

While it hadn’t been too much of an issue until recently, it seemed like your lack of sleep combined with the jet lags were starting to take a toll on you. But as long as it didn’t affect your work, you could deal with that, at least that’s what you kept saying to yourself.

It wasn’t a rare sight to find you yawning or rubbing your eyes, sometimes you would mix up some words too but that happened only when you could barely keep your eyes open, just like today.

Yesterday had been a good day for both McLarens which wasn’t something the whole team was used to- while it was only two practices, it lifted everyone spirits and made you all hope for a good weekend. The weather had also been good, which allowed you to take a good amount of pictures- you didn’t get more than two hours of sleep that night

And today, it was easily noticeable, showing up with your dark sunglasses to hide your lack of sleep was already a hint at your sleepless night but what truly gave it away was how you were stumbling over your own words. Everyone in the garage noticed it but none of them said anything, they knew how dedicated to your work you were.

However, Daniel wasn’t seeing it this way anymore, he was worried for you and your health- it couldn’t keep going like this, you needed a break and a good amount of sleep. Thankfully, next week wasn’t a racing one, he was hoping to convince you to take a small break to finally rest.

When you saw Daniel coming to you with a frown on his face instead of his big gummy smile, you knew it was going to be about your tiredness, “ hey Danny, that wasn’t too bad for the last practice, how do you feel about quali?”

“ Don’t know, hopefully we can make it to Q3. But that’s not what I want to talk about right now.”

“ I know.”

“ You know I hate when you don’t get sleep, it’s not good for you.”

You sighed, knowing how right he was, but you couldn’t really help it when you were caught up by work, you didn’t see the hours go by, “ it’s okay, i’m fine. I’ll get some sleep tonight.”

Daniel didn’t seem to be convinced in the slightest, hell he wasn’t sure you would be able to stay awake until the evening, “ bullshit, let’s go take a nap right now.”

“ What? You literally have quali in like three hours!”

Daniel shrugged, his smile finally appearing on his face again, “ I don’t care about it, what matters is that you get some rest.”

“ Maybe you can do that but I’m going to be in trouble if someone finds out I was taking a nap instead of working.

“ No one will know, besides my driver’s room is private so there’s no chance of someone seeing us.”

As you were going to argue back again, Daniel loudly sighed, which stopped you from speaking, “ god, you’re even more stubborn than me! But you know what? I’m not giving you a choice, we’re going to take that nap.”

Daniel was lucky you loved him, otherwise you would have kept arguing until he was the one giving up- but with Daniel, it was hard, how could someone resists his smile and lovely personality.

A small nod in agreement was enough for Daniel to grab your arm and lead you out of the garage, heading to the McLaren’s facility- you had barely the time to grab your bag containing your trusty camera and tools you used, you never left it somewhere far from you, afraid someone would accidentally drop your expensive materials.

You had barely secured your bag on your shoulders that Daniel took it from you, insisting that you didn’t have to carry the heavy bag. In the meantime, the hand he hand on your arm slid down until he was holding your hand, leading you to his driver’s room.

It was quite a short walk, especially since no one came in your way to talk or ask questions. As soon as you were in his room, Daniel put your bag in a corner of the room- it wasn’t big but enough to still feel comfortable in the room.

“ Do you want me to leave? Or should I stay? What do you prefer?”

You softly smiled, you were touched that he wanted to be sure you were comfortable with him being around, “ it’s your room Danny and people will ask more questions if I stay here alone.”

“ Fair enough, do you, like, want to change in something more comfortable?”

“ I didn’t bring any change, it’ll be fine like that.”

“ Well, I do have the clothes I came with, I barely worn them and my sweater is very comfortable.”

You laughed at how cute Daniel was but also at his poor attempt to make you wear his merch, “ are you trying to sell me your merch?”

“ Never, I’d give it to you for free.”

You weren’t too sure what to say besides being thankful for him and his kindness,“ yeah, your sweater sounds nice to sleep in.”

Daniel directly went to his locker and took out his white enchanté sweater- as soon as he gave it to you, he turned around to give you enough privacy to change in a more comfortable outfit to sleep.

“ You didn’t lie- it’s really comfy, I love it.”

Daniel turned back to you, guessing it meant you were done changing, the sweater was a bit too long for you but it gave it a cute look that Daniel loved, “ it looks better on you than on me.”

“ I might have to steal it from you.”

“ I don’t mind as long as you go to sleep now, else you won’t have enough time to rest.”

“ Okay, okay,” as you slipped under the blanket of the bed, you noticed how hesitating Daniel was, probably not wanting to overstep, “ join me?”

“ Are you sure?”

“ Of course.”

Daniel didn’t think twice before joining you in the bed, which wasn’t huge but still large enough for two people, yet he almost instantly opened his arms, offering you cuddles to fall asleep.

Basically rolling yourself into his arms, you smiled at how comfortable this was- being able to peacefully fall asleep, safely wrapped in strong but gentle arms, “ thank you.”

Daniel didn’t answer- he didn’t have to. However, to let you know he heard you, he laid a kiss on the top your head, enjoying the moment as much as you did, maybe even more.

Unlike you, who fell asleep minutes later, Daniel stayed awake for a while, smiling to himself at how peaceful you looked while sleeping in his arms. He liked having you in his arms and he would be lying if he denied wishing this could happen every nights.

He knew you couldn’t help it, you had gotten used to prioritize your work over your sleep- he respected the passion that fueled you every single day but it wasn’t healthy anymore. Daniel promised himself to do everything he could to change that.

[clandestine-j]

okay, still can't access my interview tumblr so I'mma say it here, due to some things I've seen in the tag.

Lets go!

Now, one post I saw, talked about how fans (mainly Louis fans) wanted to pretend like the show runners and etc, didn't say they would revisit ep 5. And while that might be true, I'm not one of them. I'll be honest on my feelings about it.

If they change it, I think it's a bull-shit cop out and I've be heavily disappointed with interview if they went that route. Why? Because I'm tired of black people and poc being made liars and etc! Oh, it's not about race you say? YES IT IS. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT RACE IN THE AMC. THEY MENTION IT, THEY MAKE A POINT TO MENTION.

I have consumed enough media about black people and black men being made lairs. I have consumed enough media of black women being maligned.

SICK OF IT.

That's one half of it. The only half, is the main reason why I stopped reading the book series. I wasn't a Lestat fan. In fact, the Lestat I cared about seeing grow and etc, was dropped in favor of making him this perfect godly man at the expense of dropping Louis.

And that brings me to Lestat fans. I want the drop to be real because I'm sick of Lestat discounting everything that Louis says, by calling him a liar. That is why I did not continue the book series. Because anything bad Lestat does, can be excused with, well, Louis is lying. It's lazy story telling to me. But mainly.

The drop was the only time I saw Lestat fans (and more so speaking of the show) have to accept and talk about what Lestat did. I'll be honest, I didn't need the drop to feel some type of way about Lestat. I felt that every single time, he dismissed what his partner, A BLACK MAN FELT. Lestat violence was clear to me and made me feel a way, when he was completely READY to make his BLACK husband, be his VALET, so he could see an opera.

Do you know how fucked up that is? Do you not understand that I'd would've left the relationship in a heartbeat? Like why would you put your partner through that? Like fucking hell. That's what was hurtful.

And while Lestat will do long discourse about how Claudia or Louis is the issue, there, weren't, long detailed post about how that was fucked of Lestat to do. The causal racism that Lestat is willing to benefit from and be apart of, no deep thoughts on that.

There should've been essay's on essay's on how telling your black partner that you want him to be your fucking valet to a racist opera house to make YOU happy. When Louis expressed his feelings for Lestat and Lestat laughs? Oh, he's so cute and funny. But this is a character people call emotional closed off (Louis), opening himself up and GETTING LAUGHED AT. But then Louis will get picked at by fans for never saying I love you.

He opened himself to asking his partner if he's good enough and he gets laughed at. Everyone will talk about the 'of course' Lestat says when he's lying to himself but not the minute before, when he laughed in his husbands face. And do ya'll know how hard is for a black man to open himself up like that? Only to be laughed at. Or the non-discriminating scene, no long post about how it's been years but Lestat still doesn't CARE to understand the racism and nastiness that Louis is going through. He just doesn't care. And that is violence to me.

So, I always knew that they would revisit ep 5 but I still think it's a bullshit cop out to change it.

I'm the biggest bo bo the fool bc I still ship it. But I don't need to make excuses to do so. I still love the fucking toxic mess but the fans...it's always the fans.

[dkfile]

heartache and a latte

❛ it’s hard to tell someone you like them when you lose all self-control around them. like everything goes to auto-pilot. ❜

word count | 9.3k (9,296) genre | fluff, slice of life, strangers to lovers, coffee shop au ━ barista!woozi

you couldn’t help but notice that your spotify mutual woozi has been listening to some downright sad songs as of late, but as much as you want to reach out and console them, you have no way to, seeing as you don’t know who they are. however, fate might give you a chance when you realize that whatever song woozi is listening to is the same one playing whenever you’re in the coffee shop.

★ warnings | there’s nothing but fluff and meddling friends ★ author’s note | there is absolutely no heartache in this fic but im gonna be honest i couldn’t think of another title (read: i was too lazy to) but there is one mention of a latte so!!!

► woozi is currently listening to … Talking to the Moon, Bruno Mars 💿 Doo-Wops & Hooligans

According to Seungcheol, you are truly not Yoon Jeonghan’s friend until you become a victim of his notorious matchmaking. And unfortunately for Wonwoo, Jeonghan has declared him his number one target, and your poor best friend has been going on bad date after bad date for the past month.

Wonwoo collapses into the seat across from you, the heavy breaths falling from his lips fog up his glasses and it only takes him three more heaves before he takes them off and throws them onto the table, caring very little for the way they almost clatter onto the floor. You raise an eyebrow at him, trying your best not to show your amusement, before humming.

“Why are you so upset?”

He throws you a look, clearly not happy with your sarcasm, and throws his hands up in the air in frustration. Yesterday he made the mistake of telling Jeonghan he has little to no assignments due this week, which Jeonghan took as an invitation to schedule more dates — whilst Seungcheol was shaking with laughter, Wonwoo looked like he wanted to jump out a window.

“I can’t believe I have to live like this,” he groans, burying his face in his hands. “God, I knew Jeonghan was persistent, but I didn’t know it was like this.”

You hum. “That’s Jeonghan for you.”

“Whenever he texts me about a date I start to feel the walls closing in on me.”

You throw him a look. “You’re so overdramatic. I think Seungkwan’s starting to rub off on you.”

Wonwoo ignores your comment. “No, you don’t get it. Every week, I go on a date, it ends badly, Jeonghan reprimands me, then he sets me up on another one. It’s a never-ending cycle and I can’t take it anymore, Y/N. I can’t take it.”

“Then just lie to him. Tell him you’ve found the love of your life or something.”

“Jeonghan’s got the best bullshit detector I’ve ever seen. He would never believe me,” Wonwoo says. You think this might be the most annoyed Wonwoo’s ever been, which is astonishing, given the fact that just last week during movie night at your place, he witnessed Seungkwan and Mingyu’s atrocious reenactment of Titanic. They acted out every scene, word for word. For two hours.

You have videos to prove it.

“Well, then there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

He scowls. “Gee, thanks.”

You shrug, unbothered by his irritation. It will only take a couple of minutes before Wonwoo calms down and cracks open his laptop to watch Sims 4 let’s plays from the early 2010s, so you continue working on an essay for your Asian Civilization class. It’s due today and you didn’t start it until a few minutes ago but, in your defence, you’ve been swamped with other priorities (like rewatches of Love Island and The Bachelor), and at least you’re not doing it at 11 P.M.

You huff when a loud ding in your ear signals that your airpods are almost dead. Lazily, you search for the case at the bottom of your bag before taking the earbuds off and allowing them to charge. You go to pause your music too, just in case it continues playing — which has happened before. Once when you were in the library, the heavy metal Seungcheol added to the friend group’s collaborative study playlist conveniently started blasting the moment your airpods died, which was utterly humiliating. You haven’t stepped foot in the library since then.

A small sigh of relief escapes you when you see that the song’s paused, but then you glance to the side section of the Spotify screen and frown.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been mutuals with woozi or even who they are — which is strange since you only have about six followers, all of them being people in your small tight-knit group of friends — and you’ve never bothered to find out. But lately, woozi has been listening to a collection of rather depressing heartbreak songs, and you aren’t sure whether they’ve just been in a mood for the past three months or if they’re going through a bad breakup.

“What are you frowning at?” Wonwoo asks. Just like you predicted, he’s already opened up his laptop. He’s looking at you with a hint of curiosity, but you know that one little white lie and he’ll leave you alone.

“Just something for my assignment.”

Wonwoo nods before looking back down at his screen. You only stare at woozi’s icon — which is a Marvel superhero you can’t quite remember the name of — for a couple more seconds before going back to Google Docs.

No time to worry about someone you don’t know. You have an assignment to finish.

► woozi is currently listening to … Two Slow Dancers, Mitski 💿 Be the Cowboy

“Dude,” Soonyoung groans, throwing his body against the counter. Jihoon glances at him with mild exasperation, and although Soonyoung is far from finished wiping down the tables, he doesn’t bother to reprimand his friend for his laziness. “All you gotta do is talk to her.”

Jun, another one of Jihoon’s co-workers, purses his lips. He and Soonyoung have been exchanging relationship advice for the past twenty minutes. Jihoon, however, has chosen to stay quiet, but he doesn’t stray too far away because he still wants to be part of the conversation.

“It’s not as easy as you think,” Jun retorts, harshly wiping at a stain on the counter that’s been there for as long as Jihoon’s been employed. “Whenever I try to talk to her, my brain just stops working. I malfunction. Everything in me freezes. Plus, she’s, like, out of my league.”

“Well, I know that,” Soonyoung huffs, barely dodging the smack Jun reaches out to give him. “But you just need some practice. C’mon, practice on me.”

Jun sighs. For a moment, Jihoon thinks he’ll turn Soonyoung down, but then he steps back and clears his throat. For as long as Jihoon’s known him, Jun has never turned down an opportunity to perform.

“Hi,” Jun begins weakly. Soonyoung catches Jihoon’s eye over Jun’s shoulder and they both wince. “So, I was wondering—”

“Please stop.”

“What— But I barely started!”

“I already couldn’t stand it,” Soonyoung says. “Dude, you’ve got no game.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk—”

Jihoon purses his lips and moves to the side, deciding now is the best time to get away from this conversation. Before Soonyoung can even think about dragging Jihoon in, he’s already grabbing a cloth and going towards one of the empty tables. It’s been relatively slow today and he’s pretty sure he wiped this table an hour ago, but if cleaning is what will save him from Jun and Soonyoung’s argument then so be it.

College students are scattered all over the vicinity. It’s rather calm — save for behind the counter where his friends attempt to keep their voices low — but the tranquil atmosphere is broken momentarily when a boy storms in and makes his way to an occupied booth. Jihoon only stares at him with a frown for a couple more seconds before realizing that the person he’s sitting with is his friend — of course, how could he forget? You two have been coming into this coffee shop since the beginning of time.

Jihoon catches snippets of the conversation (something about bad dates and someone named Seungkwan? He swears that the name sounds familiar…) before he makes his way back to the counter. Jun and Soonyoung’s argument seems to have been resolved — record-breakingly quick, Jihoon adds — but he can tell Jun is still a little disgruntled. When one of Jihoon’s favourite songs comes on the speakers, the taller boy throws him a halfhearted glare and pouts.

“This is the last thing I needed to hear right now.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes because while he is in charge of the music they play in the shop, it’s not his fault that Spotify shuffle decided to play Two Slow Dancers. But because Jun’s day has already been bad enough, Jihoon decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. He slips into the back to retrieve his phone and scrolls through his playlists in hopes of finding something that will cheer his friend up.

But doing that is harder than expected and he ends up just putting a random Spotify-generated playlist on shuffle.

Party In The U.S.A comes on and in the booth across from Jeon Wonwoo, you jump at the sudden change in music. Your best friend is too immersed with whatever’s on his laptop to notice the sudden change in the atmosphere, but he seems to be the only one. Some of the customers jerk up in surprise while others raise their heads with furrowed eyebrows. Two employees, a boy with unruly platinum hair and a taller boy with brown hair falling into his eyes, simultaneously fall into laughter just as another one of their colleagues emerges from the back, sporting a hairdo that only comes from working an 8-hour shift.

You briefly meet the latter employee’s eyes. He smiles politely, as every worker would do, before turning to his friends.

Despite your airpods only being in the case for two minutes, you take them out anyway and put them on. You’ll let them charge once the song is over because there’s absolutely no way you’ll be able to focus with Party In The U.S.A blasting. When you open Spotify again, you notice that the song woozi’s listening to has changed to the same one that’s playing in the coffee shop.

Weird. Your eyes narrow but you decide not to worry too much about it. You have bigger fish to fry.

Like this fucking essay.

You scowl as you open Google Docs up again.

► woozi is currently listening to … The Night We Met, Lord Huron 💿 Strange Trails

While you wouldn’t consider observance as something you excel at, you wouldn’t necessarily call yourself oblivious. You can catch on to things without much help, so it’s embarrassing that it took you so long to figure out that the song woozi is always listening to is the same one that plays whenever you’re in the coffee shop.

You aren’t quite sure what to do after coming to this realization. It’s not like you could just run to the coffee shop and demand to meet woozi just so you can see if he’s OK.

Well. Maybe you could, considering you’re in the shop after running three minutes from Seungkwan and Mingyu’s apartment.

“Hi,” you exhale, your energy quickly running out as you lean against the front counter, ignoring the blond barista’s concerned expression.

“Hello,” the employee greets you. As your eyes scan the nametag pinned to his blue apron — Soonyoung, written messily with silver Sharpie — you briefly wonder if this boy could be your Spotify mutual. But he’s smiling at you with enough radiance to rival the sun, and he doesn’t give off the sad, broken, tortured vibe you always assumed woozi has.

You’re snapped out of your daze when the barista clears his throat. It’s then you realize that you haven’t been paying attention to anything he’s been saying. “What can I get for you today?”

“Right, um,” you trail off, wondering how to frame your question. It’s not like you thought about this on the run over, which you probably should have. It would make this interaction a lot less uncomfortable. “Sorry. I’m looking for someone.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows rise. “Uh, OK. Are you one of Jun’s friends? Because his shift ended a few minutes ago—”

“Oh. No, I’m not here for Jun,” you say with a quick shake of your head. “I’m here for Woozi?”

Soonyoung blinks. “Who?”

“Um. Woozi.”

“Right. I don’t know who that is.”

Somewhat defeated, you inhale sharply and nod your head. “Oh, OK. I just… Sorry, this might sound weird, but I’m following Woozi on Spotify and they’ve just been listening to some… sad songs recently — actually, I’ve noticed they’ve been listening to them for a while and I realized that the song they’re listening to is always the same one that’s playing here and I just wanted to make sure they’re, like, OK? Or if heartbreakingly sad songs are something they just vibe with. So, um… Yeah. Sorry again.”

Throughout your entire ramble, Soonyoung stares at you blankly. You think you might have just humiliated yourself in the worst possible way before the barista breaks out into an incredulous grin. He lets out a loud cackle, catching the attention of some of the customers, before he’s shaking his head and gestures for you to wait.

“I’ll be right back,” he says in between laughs. You gawk at him as he stumbles out of sight.

You awkwardly stand at the front counter, wringing your hands as you wait for Soonyoung to reemerge. In your back pocket, your phone vibrates with what you assume are texts from your friends, probably asking if you’re coming back anytime soon. You had made a lame excuse of needing coffee before slipping out of the door, which you’re pretty sure they didn’t believe.

(“You need coffee?” Seungkwan had asked, bewildered. “It’s eight in the evening.”

Jeonghan looked at you as if you had something on your face. “Yeah, plus we have coffee here. Why would you run all the way over there to spend money on mediocre drinks? Be serious for a moment, Y/N.”)

Before you can pull out your phone and send a quick text to assure them you’ll be back, you hear loud protests and devious laughter before Soonyoung walks out, dragging someone behind him. The barista who seems to be working every time you’re here, his hair always dishevelled in one way or another, is grumbling beside his colleague, but when he sees you standing there, he masks his expression with a smile he reserves only for customers.

Soonyoung stops his friend from saying anything and pats him a little too roughly on the back. “So, I have some amazing news for you! This boy right here is Jihoon.”

Jihoon furrows his eyebrows, slightly confused with the introduction. “Soonyoung, what are you—?”

“But,” Soonyoung continues, ignoring Jihoon’s confusion, “you might know him as Woozi.”

► woozi is currently listening to … You’re Somebody Else, flora cash 💿 Baby, It’s Okay

When Soonyoung rushes into the back room — startling Jihoon as he tries to savour every last minute of his break —and says something along the lines of, “Dude, guess what? I just found the love of your life,” Jihoon doesn’t know what to expect as his best friend dragged him to the front, but one thing’s for sure: he does not expect this.

Soonyoung, who annoyingly assures Jihoon that it’ll be fine if he goes over break, ushers the two of you to one of the booths in the back so you could, as Soonyoung put it, “Enjoy some time together!” which both you and Jihoon found off-putting seeing as he says it with a conspiratorial smile and a mischievous glint in his eye.

Now, Jihoon sits in a booth across from someone he’s never spoken a word to before other than, “What can I get for you today?” and “Your total is…”

“So…” you begin, “this is awkward.”

Jihoon, who was previously playing with the napkin dispenser to avoid eye contact, surprises himself by laughing at your comment. He hastily builds up the courage to apologize and explain that he didn’t mean to laugh at you, but when he meets your eyes, you’ve broken out into a cautious half-smile. The tense atmosphere shatters as soon as the chuckle falls from his lips and now both of you feel like you can relax, which he’s extremely thankful for; he’s completely unaware of what to do in a situation such as this. It’s not like he knows anybody who has had a Spotify mutual try to reach out to them because they’re concerned about them.

The fact that you did, though, is oddly heartwarming.

After a beat, Jihoon says, “There’s really nothing to worry about— with my music taste, I mean. I’m not going through a bad breakup or anything, but it’s nice of you to reach out and check if I’m good. No one’s ever done that for me before.”

Your smile grows sheepish. “I don’t think anyone’s ever done that before.”

Jihoon smiles back. “Guess that makes me extra special then.”

You purse your lips to prevent yourself from continuing to grin like an idiot. “So you just listen to all this sappy stuff because you like it?”

“I mean… yeah. That’s why people listen to music.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Do you not like upbeat stuff?”

“‘Course I do,” Jihoon shrugs and relaxes against the back of the seat. Out of his line of sight, Soonyoung watches his friend’s interaction with sharp eyes. He’s almost buzzing at the thought of telling Jun all about this later. “But I listen to slower songs more. And I’m in charge of the music here, and a coffee shop isn’t exactly the perfect environment for EDM.”

Your eyes glimmer. “Well, you never know.”

Jihoon quirks an eyebrow. “Is that some sort of challenge?”

“No, actually,” you hum, drumming your fingers on the table. “But now that I think about it, it would be nice to play some less sad songs here.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Let me pick the music that you guys play.”

The proposal is so preposterous that Jihoon laughs. In all the years he’s worked in this quaint cafe, he has never let anyone touch the music station (read: the small table in the back where he keeps his phone that’s connected to the speakers) — it took two years before he let Soonyoung and Jun take the reins, and he only allows them to pick the songs when he isn’t working. Hell will freeze over before Jihoon puts something as important as this in the palms of some stranger.

“No way,” he scoffs.

“OK. Let me pick the music that plays while I’m here.”

He shakes his head. “Absolutely not. Besides, I only work here part-time. What happens if you’re here and I’m not? There are holes in your plan.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Then I’ll come here when you have a shift.”

“You’re persistent, aren’t you?”

You give a dismissive wave of your hand, ignoring the evident amusement on Jihoon’s face. “When do you work next?”

Jihoon searches your face for some sort of tell, anything that says that you’re bluffing. But there are no cracks in your posture, no signs that point to an act. He concludes that he just doesn’t know you well enough to figure out whether you’re lying or not, and decides — hopes — you probably won’t live up to your word.

So, Jihoon offers up the information. “Tomorrow at seven.”

“Opening shift?”

He shakes his head. “Closing. Seven P.M.”

You grin. “See you then, Woozi.”

► woozi is currently listening to … Love In The Dark, Adele 💿 25

Turns out, you were not bluffing.

You come into the coffee shop followed by two people Jihoon’s never seen you with before. A tall boy who trips the moment he steps inside and a blond who oozes confidence trail behind you, seemingly in their own little world when you arrive at the counter.

Behind Jihoon, Soonyoung and Jun start whispering to each other the moment they see you. He’s dreading the moment you leave and they bombard him with questions; Soonyoung and Jun love to tease their friends, and Jihoon doesn’t mind it as long as he isn’t on the receiving end of it.

You’re grinning at him like all the light in the world can’t rival the luminescence of your smile and he knows he’s doomed.

You pretend to study the menu before looking at him. “This is one of my favourite songs.”

Jihoon’s eyes narrow. “Me too,” he replies. Before you can say anything else, Jihoon continues, “Is there anything I can get for you today?”

Your friend — the shorter one who carries himself with an air of authority — pops out from behind you, giving Jihoon a polite smile. “Iced americano please.”

The taller boy adds, “And a blueberry scone for me.”

Jihoon’s eyes land back on you. “Oh, just a small latte will be fine,” you say, “as well as a different song.”

The blond beside you frowns. “I kind of like this song, though.”

Jihoon gives you a small victorious grin. “Well, if he likes it then I see no reason to change it. How would you like to pay?”

As you grumble under your breath and take out your card, momentarily occupied with the pin pad, Jihoon moves to the side to grab a scone. When he does this, Soonyoung gasps loudly behind him which is then followed by a loud exclamation, “Seungkwan!”

The blond brightens. Seungkwan and Soonyoung immediately fall into conversation before Seungkwan drags your other friend — Mingyu, Jihoon overhears — as well as Jun, leaving both of you alone. It’s only then that Jihoon remembers why the name Seungkwan is so familiar; a few months ago, Soonyoung wouldn’t stop complaining about how incompetent his group was in his Microbiology class, save for a younger boy named Seungkwan.

Jihoon clicks his tongue. Seems like he has more connections with you than he thought.

“So,” you say once you’ve made sure your payment has been approved, “are you gonna change the song?”

Jihoon looks at you over the display case of pastries. “No.”

“Thought so,” you sigh. “But I’m not going to give up, you know. I’m going to break you.”

Jihoon can’t help the smile that makes its way to his lips no matter how hard he tries to fight it. He’s usually good at keeping a poker face so he isn’t quite sure why he’s struggling so much. He brushes it off, deeming it a problem that’ll fix itself, and muses, “Is that so?”

“Mhm! I just need to find your soft spot, I’ll figure it out somehow, given that your friends seem to be friends with mine?” you falter, turning your head in the direction of Seungkwan, Mingyu, Soonyoung, and Jun, who all seem to be in a rather heated conversation about NASCAR. You glance back at Jihoon, clearly just as confused about the sudden friendship as he is. “Did you know they knew each other?”

“Soonyoung’s talked about Seungkwan before,” Jihoon explains as he puts Mingyu’s blueberry scone in a paper bag. “I never realized you knew him until now, though.”

“That’s so weird,” you say.

“You could say that.”

“Well, I could get something out of Soonyoung,” you declare as Jihoon turns to make your drinks since his other coworkers seem to have better things to do. Sometimes Jihoon thinks that he’s the only one around here who actually works. “Surely he knows how I can break down your walls and get you to trust me enough to pick a more lively song And if not,” you pause, “I could resort to blackmail.”

Jihoon throws you a look over his shoulder. “Blackmail?”

“Yes. There has to be an embarrassing picture of you on the internet somewhere.”

“You’ll be searching for years.”

Your mouth curls. “We’ll see about that! I’m good at investigating. I put Nancy Drew and Sherlock Holmes to shame.”

“You talk a big game for someone who took months to realize that the same song woozi listens to is the same one playing at the coffee shop.”

You scowl. “Oh, be quiet. That doesn’t count.”

Jihoon places both drinks on the pick-up counter, meeting your gaze with a teasing glint in his eyes. “Right,” he says softly. You’re leaning against the counter and you don’t realize he is too, the space between you two decreasing slowly before he backs away and taps the counter twice. “Order up!”

At the sound of his voice, Seungkwan and Mingyu look over to where you stand, slightly flustered, and reach over to grab their things. The two boys say a chaste goodbye — Mingyu says something about running late to a hangout with the rest of the friend group — but you stay frozen in place. You only move after two awkward beats, Seungkwan jabbing your side with his elbow and giving you an incredulous look.

“We gotta go otherwise Seungcheol’s going to kill us,” he says.

“Oh. Right,” you respond, gripping your to-go cup tightly. “Bye, guys!”

Your eyes linger on Jihoon, who only gives you a small smile before turning to clean something near the coffee machines. Seungkwan and Mingyu meet each other’s eyes over your head, mouthing comments you don’t bother to understand before Seungkwan jabs you again and gestures that it’s time to leave.

As soon as you’re out, Mingyu says, “Jihoon seems nice.”

There’s a mysterious lilt in his voice but you can’t quite figure out what he’s implying. “Yeah, he is.”

Once you arrive at Seungcheol’s apartment, Seungkwan whispers something to Jeonghan who, afterwards, throws you curious glances throughout the entire evening — which, of course, you don’t notice, too focussed on the horror movie playing on the TV.

Seungkwan has no idea where you got the idea that you were observant because you most definitely are not.

► woozi is currently listening to … Bored, Billie Eilish 💿 Bored

“How about an Ariana song?”

“No.”

“Not even six thirty? Come on, man.”

“Nope.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Jihoon shrugs, unaffected by your chastising as he makes paper cranes with the napkins. You conveniently got to the shop a few minutes before his break started — you also insisted that you didn’t even know he was working today, which he finds hard to believe — and he figured that his thirty minutes of freedom are better spent with you than in the back room on his phone.

You give up working on homework the moment Jihoon sits down, deeming the boy and his hesitant smile much more interesting than the project you need to finish for Statistics.

When he immediately shuts down your song suggestion, you drop the subject — something he doesn’t expect — and ask him about the classes he’s taking this semester. You suppose that if you’re going to be bothering him for as long as possible, you might as well try to get to know him, and once he starts talking about his music courses, your eyes soften at how excited he is.

He’s clearly passionate about it, and though you know next to nothing about music, you become entranced by the way he talks about it. His voice, which is usually gentle, becomes more animated and energetic. He leans forward when he explains the different types of mechanisms and productions, never breaking eye contact while his hands fly in the air as he makes different gestures.

You think you could listen to him talk about this forever without becoming sick of it.

You’re so captivated by the words falling from his lips that you don’t notice someone standing in front of your table, and neither does Jihoon until the figure clears his throat in an attempt to capture your attention.

Jeonghan stands nonchalantly, hands tucked in the pockets of his sweatpants. His eyes flicker between you and Jihoon multiple times before they permanently settle on you, and he gives you a smile that creates an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’re about to ask him what he wants, but he beats you to it.

“I’ve been looking for you,” he chirps ominously. You eye him with suspicion but he doesn’t seem to care. “You weren’t answering your messages, but I figured you’d be here,” he raises an eyebrow, throwing Jihoon an indecipherable look, “you always seem to be here.”

You tap your fingers on the table impatiently. It’s not like it’s weird you’ve been spending a lot of time here — ever since freshman year, you and Wonwoo have been stopping by whenever you get the chance. “What are you getting at?”

“Nothing,” he says dismissively. “Anyway, Seungkwan’s away game is starting in an hour and I just wanted to know if you’re gonna be carpooling with me and Cheol or if you’ll just go alone.”

You sniff, still trying to spot any questionable things in Jeonghan’s behaviour. “I’ll carpool. When were you guys planning on leaving?”

“In about fifteen minutes. My car’s parked out there, so I figured we could stay here and wait for Seungcheol.”

You glance at Jihoon. “Um, I guess—”

“Awesome!” Jeonghan exclaims and he slides into the spot beside Jihoon. You gape in horror, just as startled by your friend’s behaviour as Jihoon, and watch as Jeonghan sticks his hand out for him to shake. “Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m Jeonghan.”

Jihoon hesitantly shakes his head. “I’m Jihoon.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Um…”

Jeonghan ignores Jihoon’s confusion and flashes a dazzling smile. “So, what were you guys talking about?”

For the last few minutes of Jihoon’s break, you’re surprised that the conversation flows smoothly. You don’t talk much, watching Jeonghan with fearful wariness as he asks Jihoon about giving him some guitar lessons, but just as you’re about to relax, Soonyoung calls Jihoon from the counter and asks him to come back.

He throws you a smile before he slips to the back to adjust his uniform. Once he’s out of sight, Jeonghan’s previous angelic expression disappears, and he fixes you with a look that is all too familiar. He’s plotting something and you aren’t sure whether you’re the victim or the accomplice.

“He seems nice,” he says with the same tone Mingyu used the other day. “How long have you known him?”

“Not that long? A few weeks maybe.”

“Nice,” Jeonghan nods. Then, he smacks you with a question that almost makes you spill your coffee. “Is he single?”

“Huh?”

“There’s someone in my Stats class that might like him,” he says smoothly.

“Who?”

“You don’t know them.”

“We’re in the same Statistics class, Jeonghan.”

“We are?” he says with feigned shock. At your unamused expression, his mouth curls into a smirk. “Don’t worry about it, Y/N, they’re nice. I think Jihoon would like them.”

A bothersome feeling spreads across your chest, and you have to do your best to ignore it. If Jeonghan notices you squirming, he doesn’t say anything about it. “I thought you were fixing Wonwoo up with someone,” you protest quietly, “And I don’t think Jihoon would like it if you started meddling with his love life.”

“I think Wonwoo’s tired of all the matchmaking.”

“He never actually liked it.”

“That’s also true,” Jeonghan agrees. “But you never answered my question. Is Jihoon single?”

“I don’t know,” you respond. “It’s not something we’ve talked about.”

There’s a spark in Jeonghan’s eyes that you’re sure means anything but good. Before you can ask him if there’s something else he’s not telling you, Seungcheol enters the shop, lingering in the entrance as he shouts at the two of you to hurry up.

Jeonghan follows Seungcheol out the door and you trail closely behind. Before you’re out, though, Jihoon taps your shoulder and places a small cup in your hand.

His sheepish smile causes you to soften, and you think you might collapse into mush when he says, “Just something for the road. On the house.”

Your voice comes out quieter than you expected, “Thank you.”

He lifts his shoulder in a half shrug. “It’s nothing. Really.”

Your heartbeat quickens and you scurry out of the coffee shop before the stuttering of your chest becomes too unbearable.

► woozi is currently listening to … If By Chance, Ruth B. 💿 Safe Haven

You might have to revoke Wonwoo’s best friend card.

Jeonghan has finally decided to free Wonwoo from his Cupid shenanigans and to celebrate his freedom, Wonwoo has been taking every chance he gets to poke fun at you because as it turns out, you are the new recipient of Jeonghan’s tenacious matchmaking. And Wonwoo makes sure you never forget — he has hourly reminders to text you about eligible bachelors on campus. You’re very close to blocking him.

You enter the coffee shop with a huff. All of your friends have classes at noon on Fridays so you’re savouring this free time as much as you can. You’re looking for a place to sit when your eyes land on Jihoon sitting in a booth that’s almost out of sight — the same booth where the two of you had your first conversation.

He doesn’t see you coming until you settle across from him. You notice the papers littered over the table and the open laptop, and you immediately jump to apologize for disrupting him but he shakes his head and beams.

“You’re not supposed to be working today,” you say because a few days ago he sacrificed his work schedule after you persistently continued to bother him about it. You have it screenshotted on your phone.

“I’m not,” he replies.

“So even when you’re not working you hang out here?”

“Don’t judge me,” Jihoon scoffs. “Might I remind you that you have no life outside of school and this coffee shop?”

You almost grumble that you only ever come here when he’s working — except for today — but you stop yourself. “What are you working on?”

“I’m just adding the finishing touches to this song I composed for class,” he says with a clipped tone. His demeanour shifts from relaxed to defensive and you frown as he brings his notebook closer to his figure before eventually dropping it into his backpack.

You scan his face, unsure of what it is you’re searching for, before slumping back and deciding to let it go. Maybe he just doesn’t want you to see his work, which is understandable.

You try to ignore the dull sting. “And it sounds alright?”

“I hope so,” he hums. “What are you doing here?”

“Avoiding,” you mutter, sliding further down the seat as if you’re hiding from something. Which — well, you are. If your friends go searching for you, this is the first place they’ll stop by, and in hindsight, you probably should’ve gone somewhere else to avoid Jeonghan, but this cafe has a certain aura that draws you toward it. It engulfs you with so much warmth until you’re hot to the touch.

Jihoon’s interest peaks at the sound of your annoyance. “Avoiding what?”

“Jeonghan,” you sniff. “He’s been trying to set me up on dates. Do you know that guy Ian? Frat boy from Alpha Beta Something.”

Jihoon straightens in his chair and nods stiffly. He has nothing against Ian, he met him once through Soonyoung, and he seems like a nice enough guy, but the mention of you and him going on a date floods Jihoon with enough dread to make him go frigid.

“Yeah, well, apparently I’m going out with him tonight,” you glower at the table. “And I’m sure Ian’s nice or whatever, but I don’t want to go on a date with him. Aren’t you supposed to go on a date with someone because you want to?”

The vehemence dripping from your words causes Jihoon to relax a little. “So why don’t you just not go?”

“It’s not that simple,” you sigh. “If I don’t go then Jeonghan will ask me why and when I give him an excuse he’ll just go, ‘Well, I think you’re lying, Y/N. Give me the real reason,’ and I won’t be able to give him the real reason because…”

Jihoon blinks. “Because…?”

You let out a harsh breath. “It’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it isn’t.”

“It kind of is,” you scoff incredulously, almost as if you’re astonished by your own idiocy. “Have you ever had a crush on someone? The kind of crush that just hits you out of nowhere and overwhelms you with so many feelings that sometimes you find it difficult to breathe?”

What you’re describing should sound outlandish — it’s the type of emotion Jihoon sees in early 2010 sitcoms. It’s suffocating and refreshing all at the same time, and it’s hard to tell if it’s just intense infatuation or real, true feelings because they come all at once. It’s a tsunami of butterflies and racing heartbeats and Jihoon used to think it was completely unrealistic.

But he knows exactly what you’re talking about.

He nods in affirmation and that’s all you need to continue talking.

“Well, if I tell Jeonghan about this, all he would do is push me to confess when I don’t want to. At least not yet, because it’s hard to tell someone you like them when you lose all self-control when you’re around them. Like everything goes to auto-pilot.”

Impulsively, Jihoon questions, “Who do you have these feelings for?”

“I—what?”

He realizes too late what he’s just asked and flushes bright red. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that—”

You choke out an, “It’s fine,” before clearing your throat and sloppily steering the topic of conversation to the new limited drink on the menu. It’s a boring topic to talk about, but Jihoon’s grateful for the change because he would rather forget the other conversation.

Who could you possibly like?

He doesn’t get a chance to ask you because you’re pulled away from him a few minutes later by a delighted Jeonghan who declares to the entire café that tonight you are going on a first date with someone who could potentially be the love of your life. Before the door closes behind you, you timidly wave to Jihoon and he returns the gesture, unable to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest as you disappear.

He is unable to get out of his mind for the next two hours he spends at the coffee shop.

► woozi is currently listening to … august, Taylor Swift 💿 folklore

Unlike the majority of the population, Jihoon likes opening shifts.

He basks in the silence, enjoying the few hours he has in solitude before a customer comes in. Saturday mornings are the slowest of the week, so as Jihoon sluggishly turns the sign from Closed to Open, he’s happy. There will be little to no customers, so he’ll have peace for the next few hours before Jun comes barrelling in for his shift at eleven.

He grabs the stool from the back and places it behind the counter so he can sit while working on his music and simultaneously man the front. His hand works at a remarkable pace as he scribbles on the pages of his notebook, annotating the lyrics of the song he wrote on a whim last night — it might not be the best thing he’s ever written, but it’s quite good for a two A.M. creation.

He’s just about to work on the second verse when he hears the door swing open. He frowns after glancing at his watch, noting how early it is before he looks up and realizes it’s you. And once he shoves down the immediate joy, his confusion grows.

Why are you awake at nine A.M. on a Saturday?

But once you approach, Jihoon is given his answer. There are evident bags under your eyes and your movements are lethargic; either you didn’t get much sleep or you didn’t sleep at all.

“Hi,” you murmur. You tug at the sleeves of your sweater to assure they’re way past your fingertips before smiling lazily at Jihoon. “Working hard?”

He ignores your question. “Why are you here?”

You falter at the unintentional rigour in his voice. “Oh. Well, I remembered you have a shift today, so…”

“You could’ve come later, though,” he tuts with a shake of his head. “Did you even sleep?”

“A bit.”

“Clearly not enough,” he muses.

“Is it that obvious?”

He fiddles with his pen as he scans your face. “Only a little,” he confirms, “nothing some coffee won’t fix.”

You quickly shove your hands into your pockets, searching for something that isn’t there. “Maybe next time. I didn’t bring any money.”

He dismisses you with a simple wave. “No, it’s fine,” he assures you. He’s halfway towards the coffee machine when another wave of perplexity hits him. “Wait, you don’t have money? Why did you come here then?”

You give him a look. “I told you already. I remembered that you had a shift.”

“So you came here to…?”

“See you.”

Jihoon ignores the relentless thumps against his chest. “Without cash?”

“Without cash,” you repeat.

He carefully slides the cup of coffee towards you, studying your every move. Despite your voice being louder than the music playing through the speakers, Jihoon still manages to tune you out. He follows your sloth-like movements, the way your eyes flutter closed for a moment too long, and wonders what you could have possibly done last night to warrant such exhaustion.

Then, he remembers.

“How was your date?”

Either you do a brilliant job of hiding your surprise at being asked such a sudden question, or you knew this was coming.

“It was OK.”

And that’s all you say.

Jihoon frowns. “What did you guys do?”

“Dinner and a movie,” you say monotonously. “Sounds exhilarating, right?”

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.”

“I am,” you sigh. “Ian’s a nice person, I guess, but I don’t think there’ll be another date.”

Jihoon puts up a facade of nonchalance when he asks, “And what about that person you were talking about yesterday?” Out of the corner of his eye, you stiffen. “How are things going with them?”

A beat that drags on for too long. Then — “Good. Things could be better but,” you explain, tugging your ear, “I’m taking what I can get.”

“That’s good.”

Awkwardly, you clear your throat. “Mhm.” Then you change the subject after glancing down at his songwriting book. “Is this a new song?”

He nods. “Yeah, I wrote it last night.”

“What’s it about?”

“Oh,” Jihoon ducks his head to avoid eye contact. He thinks about the song he was working on the last time he saw you — he refrained from giving you a peek, afraid that once you scanned the lyrics you’d be able to see right through him. He’s poured his entire being into that song. Traces of his heart, soul, and feelings linger on each lyric, and yesterday, when you slid into the seat across from him, he was overcome with fear.

But then it dissipated into nothing the moment you said something along the lines of “I’m going on a date with Ian the Frat Boy from Alpha Beta Something, and he seems like a nice guy, but when has nice ever been enough?”

This time, a new song sits in front of him, just as heartfelt as the other, and he shows it to you with no hesitation.

You raise your eyebrows, not expecting Jihoon to be so willing to share, but you read his work nonetheless. As you read through, Jihoon sits uncomfortably on his chair, anxiously fidgeting with anything he can get his hands on. When he deems you’ve been quiet for too long, terror begins to creep its way back into the crevices of his brain but is quickly squashed down when you look up at him and smile.

He would do anything to have you look at him like that again.

“This is so good!” you praise, clapping your hands. “Once you record this you should play it here.”

Jihoon laughs. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on, please,” you beg, sandwiching his hands in between yours. You clutch them in desperation and Jihoon’s heartbeat quickens dangerously. “For me.”

Something in his mind explodes when your eyes soften.

“Fine,” he grumbles but the grin plastered across his face is enough for you to determine that he is anything but annoyed at you.

► woozi is currently listening to … King Of My Heart, Taylor Swift 💿 reputation

A night of karaoke and Just Dance at Seungkwan’s has demanding consequences, so by the time you arrive back at Wonwoo’s apartment, you’re exhausted. He’s been kind enough to let you stay for the night, seeing as you’re too tired to get behind the wheel and drive ten minutes to your place. And also you’re convinced that his couch is a lot more comfortable than your cheap mattress.

Once you settle on the sofa, you scroll through the notifications on your phone. Seungcheol has wasted no time in embarrassing your entire friend group, tagging all of you in an Instagram story where everyone is shouting the lyrics to Toxic by Britney Spears. You scowl and send him a colourful message, begging him to delete the post.

You’re about to turn off your phone when you spot the red bubble hovering over the messages app, and your heart leaps to your throat when you realize Jihoon texted you hours ago.

He doesn’t say much. The first message is his work schedule for next week and the following is a picture of Jun spilling coffee on his apron. At midnight, just two hours ago, he sent you a goodnight text with the sparkly pink heart emoji.

It’s not much, you remind yourself, and yet you feel like you’re soaring. You’re certain the entire apartment building can feel your happiness through the walls.

You aren’t sure how long you stare at your phone. You’d probably be staring at it forever if Wonwoo hadn’t walked out of the bathroom, hair wet from his shower. He sends you a skeptical glance you completely miss before loudly clearing his throat. “What are you looking at?”

“TikToks,” you say. You’re quick on your feet, he’ll give you that, but he’s known you long enough to see through a lie.

“There’s no sound coming from your phone.”

“I’m reading the captions.”

“I don’t think staring intensely at the screen would be considered reading,” he states drily. He sits on the opposite end of the couch, sporting an authoritative expression that you know means nothing but bad for you. Wonwoo is always sputtering out words of wisdom, but they cut you deeper late at night when you’re vulnerable and your emotions are at an all-time high. “Are you texting Jihoon?”

You look at him like he’s grown another head. “Why would you immediately jump to that conclusion?”

“Something in your face changes when you talk to him. It’s very… what’s the word,” he smacks his lips together, glancing up towards the ceiling in thought. You aren’t sure if he’s actually searching for the correct term or if he’s just pausing for dramatic effect. “Ah — lovesick.”

“What?”

“It sounds about right, doesn’t it?”

“What the f—?”

“You know,” Wonwoo interrupts. He shuts down your protests, swatting your words away as if they’re as worthless as a bug. No refusal is stopping him from declaring his observations. At this hour, self-control has thrown itself out the window — exhaustion plagues him just as much as your naivety, “Jeonghan had this plan. Everyone knew about it. He was growing tired of you and Jihoon tiptoeing around each other so he figured that if he set you up on a date, it’d push one of you to confess. ‘Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder,’ he said, and he stuck by it even though I told him that isn’t the expression.”

You stare at him in shock. Surprise rattles your bones and yet all you manage to say is, “Why are you telling me this?”

Wonwoo scoffs. “Because it didn’t work, so I’m putting matters into my own hands,” he inhales. For a moment, you swear he’s about to say something meaningful and deep, but instead he grinds out a comment that drips with chagrin. “Jihoon like you, you idiot.”

Blinking, you retort, “How do you know that? You barely know him.”

“It’s extremely obvious. It surprises me that you haven’t noticed it,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “He looks at you like he’s at the Louvre staring at the Mona fucking Lisa. He’s in amazement every time he’s with you. How could you not notice that?” Before you can jump to deny Wonwoo’s remarks, he sighs, “I’m right about this, Y/N. Ask anyone. Text Soonyoung or Jun right now and they’ll tell you.”

Something flickers in your eyes. Uncertainty. Wonwoo deflates.

“Trust me. I mean, would I ever lie to you about something like this?”

He wouldn’t. Wonwoo never lies in the first place, and when he does it’s easy to tell.

You sigh. “You’re certain?”

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow and squeezes your shoulder before standing up. He’s on his way to his bedroom when he says, “There’s no doubt about it.”

► woozi is currently listening to … The Only Exception, Paramore 💿 Brand New Eyes

Jihoon is running on little to no sleep.

He’s working the opening shift again, something his iPhone delightfully reminds him about at seven A.M., forcing him to ignore the painful crick in his neck he received from falling asleep face-down on his desk. His uniform isn’t even on properly — his light grey shirt, which is supposed to be tucked into his pants, hangs at mid-thigh, too big for his figure. He wonders if he somehow accidentally switched shirts with Jun.

His brain isn’t working, but he somehow manages to drag himself out of the house and walks the five-minute journey from his apartment to the coffee shop. Once he’s across the street, he digs through his bag to find the keys. The task takes him too long — and after two minutes he realizes that the keys were in his pocket the entire time.

God. He is never sleeping at four A.M. ever again.

When he reaches the shop, he expects it to be empty. They’re closed, after all, but a loiterer is sitting outside the locked door. Jihoon has to rub his eyes harshly in order to be completely sure that he isn’t seeing things.

You stand when you see Jihoon approach, nervous and jittery. He stops slowly, suspicion growing when you make no move to greet him. He spots the dark circles under your eyes immediately, but unlike him, energy courses through you. You’re rocking back and forth on the heels of your feet and shaking your hands in anticipation. For a moment, Jihoon thinks he imagined your signs of sleep deprivation.

“Um… We’re not open yet.”

“I know. I just needed to talk to you.”

“Now?” he asks incredulously. Not that he’s not happy to see you (he’s always happy to see you), he’s just surprised. He knows for a fact you don’t have any classes (while you studied his schedule, he studied yours) so he can’t come up with a reason why you’re here. “But it’s so early.”

You follow him into the shop once he’s unlocked the door. “It couldn’t wait.”

He gives you a confused look over his shoulder. “Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, I… I was just told this crazy thing yesterday.”

That’s not what Jihoon thought you would say. “Uh… OK?” he questions, voice rising a pitch at his confusion. You find it charming, hence the small smile on your face, but the sight of it causes embarrassment to colour his cheeks. “That’s nice, I guess. What was it?”

You surprise both him and yourself when you blurt out, “Wonwoo told me you like me.”

“What?”

“He told me everyone knew,” you continue as Jihoon stammers. Panic flashes across his face and he searches his brain for believable excuses. Anything to dismiss the accusations. “And that all of our friends are, apparently, tired of us tiptoeing around each other. Jeonghan was scheming behind our backs, too.”

It seems the only words Jihoon can say are, “What?”

“He set me up on that date with Ian to make you jealous. Or to make me confess. I don’t know. The details are blurry,” you say. The roles have been reversed — Jihoon’s previous low-energy behaviour is replaced with your frantic one, while you seem to be a whole lot calmer now that you’ve gotten some things off your chest. “That’s not the point. The point is you like me.”

“Wha—?”

“I thought about it last night,” you explain. “I thought about everything. When I was here a few weeks ago, Soonyoung told me that you’re different around me. At first, I didn’t understand what he was getting at, but now I do, and it’s crazy that it took me so long because, now that I think about it, he was not subtle about it at all—”

“Y/N—”

“—and then I thought about your song. And, like, I don’t want to sound like a narcissistic asshole right now, but I… I think it’s about me, right?” Hope tints your words. “All those lyrics about someone unexpectedly coming into your life and spinning your world on its axis… I know I sound full of myself, but in my head, all of it makes sense. In my head, the puzzle pieces fit.”

The silence is deafening. And you aren’t very patient.

“So?”

Jihoon gulps. “So what?”

“Am I right?”

The hope radiating off of you somehow infects him. He is high on happiness and astonishment when he says, “Yes.”

The next few seconds are fuzzy, and Jihoon isn’t sure who initiates the kiss first. But that detail isn’t important to him — he’s too focused on the way you taste like orange juice and toothpaste and how your hands settle on his neck. The touch of your fingers against his skin sends jolts through his entire body. Caffeine couldn’t have woken him up like this.

When you pull away, you’re grinning. Jihoon is sure that the entire world just got brighter.

You surprise him again when you cheekily say, “Does this mean I get to pick the music that plays here now?”

Jihoon tilts his head back as his laughter bounces off the walls. He doesn’t think he’s smiled this wide in years. “Are you seriously asking me about this now?”

“Well, duh,” you’re playing with the hair at the back of his neck when you suggest, “I’m thinking we play Doja Cat. Something from Planet Her. Or maybe some overplayed pop song you always hear on the radio.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes playfully. “Fine.”

Your eyes widen. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he dusts off some lint on your shoulder when he adds, “I guess I gotta make exceptions for my girlfriend, right?”

► woozi is currently listening to … Kiss Me More (feat. SZA), Doja Cat 💿 Planet Her

“So you’re telling me that if I had just gotten you to fall in love with me, you would’ve given me permission to control the music?”

“What? Soonyoung, what are you talking about?”

“Let the man speak, Jihoon, he’s got a point.”

“No, Jun, he absolutely does not.”

“Aw, Soon, look. He’s blushing!”

“Dude, you’re so red. How whipped are you for Y/N? We only mentioned them once.”

“Please go back to work and leave me alone.”

© all rights reserved dkfile, 2022

[putawayurhalo]

Wish You Were Here

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader (use of she/her pronouns)

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: ANGST yet again :)

Author’s Note: yeah this sequel took too long to write and it’s super short but spoiler alert: you’re getting a third part, anyways this one is based on a neck deep song this time so enjoy! NOT EDITED BECAUSE I’M LAZY

Main Masterlist | Part One - Emergency Contact

Two months laters

“Steve!” Max shouted as she wheeled down the driveway, “You actually came.” She smiled at the older man, happy that he had taken the letter she sent him seriously.

“Well, you six have grown.” Steve fakes a smile as he pushes his sunglasses up to hide the dark circles - the evidence that he hasn’t been sleeping much - from the younger teens. 

“It’s only been like two months.” Mike scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“We’ve missed you.” El smiled at him.

“We have so much to tell you!” Dustin exclaimed and the six teens started talking over one another Steve not understanding a word any of them were saying.

“Hey! Slow down jellybeans! Let the man have a minute to think… if he can even do that.” Eddie teased Steve, but frowned when Steve just shrugged and didn’t even fight back. “Why don’t you kids go inside, Nancy and Robin probably need help with something.” The kids - minus Max and Will all ran inside, Will offering to help Max up the makeshift ramp Eddie had made for Nancy and Jonathan’s house.

“How was the drive?” Eddie asked Steve as he shoved his hands into his pocket and leaned his left shoulder on his van.

“Fine.” Steve muttered as he grabbed a few wrapped boxes out of his trunk.

“Cut the bullshit, Harrington.” Eddie glared at him as he walked over to help with the boxes. “Your sunglasses might be covering the dark circles, but they aren’t covering the frown on your face or the tear stains on your cheeks so be honest Steve.”

“What, Munson? You want to hear about how I had to pull off to the side of the road after I started driving past the school and Sweet Dreams came on… her favorite song. Last time I actually listened to the song in full was with her in my stupid car and she was shouting the lyrics at people walking along the street without a care in the world.” Steve slammed the trunk door, “I don’t want to reminisce about any of this. I don’t even want to be here, but Max wrote me that letter and begged me to come and told me all the things I was missing… she’s the closest thing I have left to (Y/N), and maybe I should have called more… but I can’t think about her without crying for hours. How am I supposed to go in there with the kids while they talk about her like she’s still around?” Steve was crying again, almost choking on his words. Eddie just looked at Steve with a slight frown, he opened his mouth to say something but the front door swung open.

“DINGUS!” Robin went running to Steve full force jumping on him, almost knocking him onto the ground. “I MISSED YOU!” She shouted as she hugged her best friend and Steve stood there holding Robin, sunglasses falling off his face as he stared into the distance.

“Steve!” (Y/N) shouted from the doorway of one of the class rooms, “I passed!” she ran towards him and jumped on him, hugging him tightly.

“You got your license?” Steve asked her as he hugged her tightly.

“YES! And it’s all thanks to you! Now we both can get out of this town!” She exclaimed as other students pushed past the duo to exit. 

“Where would we even go?” He smiled at her as she leaned back, almost slipping out of Steve’s grip.

“I don’t know, but I do know anywhere’s better than here.” She giggled and it was like music to Steve’s ears.

-

“You know I still remember the first time I let you drive my car.” Steve chuckled to himself as he turned to look over at (Y/N)’s body laying in the hospital bed, machines keeping her alive.

“It had snowed the night before and the road was icy, I really shouldn’t have let you drive but I did and you promised to go slow, but then your favorite song came on the radio, Sweet Dreams, and you accidentally hit the gas and we spun out and you screamed the entire time… It shouldn’t be my favorite memory but it is because after we stopped spinning you looked at me and giggled and then sang ‘Sweet dreams are made of this who am I to disagree’ and I told you that you should sing more.” Steve laughed slightly, “You said you sounded like a Muppet and I had to remind you that you don’t, that Tammy Thompson sounds like one. You laughed for a solid minute after that and missed the ending to the song…speaking off, Max brought a boombox over last time she was here, said music might help you heal or some shit. And Dustin found a copy of Sweet Dreams on cassette… I’ll put it on for you.” Steve got up out of the chair and put the cassette into the boombox, turning the volume up ever so slightly not to disturb any other patients. 

As Steve turned around he heard the flat line noise coming from the heart monitor and nurses rushed into the room, one of them having to physically drag Steve out of the room. 

Steve hadn’t stayed long after that as he lifted to the yelling and shouting coming from the room she had been in. The sounds of Sweet Dreams mixed in there and with that he left, not just the hospital but Hawkins and hadn’t returned until that December after Max’s constant begging once she got an address from Robin to send letters to.

“Earth to Dingus… Hello? STEVEN!” Robin shouted as she slapped Steve.

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?” Steve exclaimed as he pressed a hand to his cheek.

“You went all space cadet on us! Now come on the kids are way too excited that you’re here, even Mike.” Robin grabbed a few of the presents and walked toward the door.

As Steve followed behind her he was greeted by the kids again as he set his sunglasses near the door. El turned toward Max and asked her question; Max just shook her and told her to not do that. Nancy handed Steve a mug full of hot chocolate and smiled softly at him as she gestured toward the living room. Steve nodded and walked into the living room and sat on the couch next to Dustin and sipped his drink, looking around he noticed the tree and the stockings on the mantle - each with their names on it but a spot had been empty.  Erica, El, Will, Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, Eddie, and… (Y/N) but his was missing and Dustin took notice of Steve’s curiosity.

“Oh yours is missing beca-” Dustin was cut off by Max throwing a game board piece at his face.

“What Dustin means is yours is missing because Robin lost it and we had to order you a new one! But we have all the stuff that goes in it upstairs, if it doesn’t get here in the next hour or so we’ll just give you the box!”  Max tells him before turning back towards the game and rolling the dice. 

Will looked at Steve and noticed him staring at (Y/N)’s stocking, “It’s tradition…” Will tells him, “Bob still has one at my house and we still fill it with presents.”

El looked up at Steve and touched his arm, “She’s in a better place.” 

Steve clenched his jaw, a better place is right here with him. That’s what he believed but everyone he’s met keeps telling him she’s in a better place. Steve slammed his mug down on the table, “Too bad it’s not what I believe.” Steve muttered before standing up and walking outside, sitting on the porch stairs.

Steve dug into his jacket pocket pulling out his wallet, inside his wallet was a creased Polaroid of him and (Y/N) that Max had taken one night, the two of them laughing at a joke (Y/N) had said but (Y/N) was staring at the camera and Steve was staring right at her like she put the stars, the sun, and the moon up in the sky just for him. “God I wish you were here, angel.” Steve wiped the tears from his eyes, “But you’re not coming back and I have to accept that.” Steve put the picture back in his wallet and threw it, “It should have been me!” Steve shouted, missing the sounds of footsteps coming up towards him, they stopped for a second and then picked up again.

“Steve?” 

Steve’s eyes went wide and he looked up, “(Y/N)?”

Taglist - people who asked about a part 2 - because I feel bad that it took me well over a month to write this: @etherealforever234​ @azydrateanatomy​ @selfdeprecatingnerd​ @phantomxoxo​ @thexplosivegirl​ @bonarvee​

[anantaru]

Hi! Long time lurker here with some words of wisdom if you will. Gonna apologize in advance if it's too cutthroat, but know it's not directed at you with malice.

It's not your responsibility to cater to every person on the internet. It's not your responsibility to curate an image that makes other people accept you. All you can do is be yourself (whether that be actually you or your internet persona if you have one) to the best of your abilities. At the end of the day, who gives a fuck if someone is triggered by some offhanded comment? You kinda just have to think, "Sorry you experienced some unpleasant things, but I don't know you or your history."

Not your monkey, not your circus.

The issue with the internet today is that too many people are so fucking sensitive about context and self-imposed perceptions. Too many people have a victim complex with a snowflake mentality and it makes me want to blow my brains out everytime someone has a freaking melt down over something so little and once again self-perceived. To be honest, you shouldn't even have to apologize, but it's kind that you did.

From this moment onwards, I want you and anyone else who may read this to remember that it's literally not your responsibility to make anyone comfortable on your little corner of the internet. It's yours, post whatever the fuck you want. Anyone who attacks you is just a fuckin loser who can't cope with navigating life like an adult, or staying in a kids place if they're a minor.

I'm tired of seeing all this unnecessary discourse like we're a bunch of highschoolers or even worse, middle schoolers, jesus fucking christ. On that note, I hope you feel better, I'll be rooting for you from now until you decide to leave. Thanks for all of your hard work, and try not to let the bullshit bother you so much.

hello! 💕 i wasn't planning on answering any asks regarding this situation anymore but this ask really woke me up. i for one, totally agree with you and i have always had this mindset as well, like there's been plenty of times where i would scroll through social media and something would catch me off guard or even trigger me (which happens so rarely), but honestly guys, i don't care when this happens lmao, i just kept scrolling and forget about it in two minutes like i have so much on my mind in real life with my profession, i do not need something online to force itself into my peace and it's the internet, you will stumble upon something that might upset you.

I believe if you are on any social media site, you cannot expect everything to go according to plan, even considering you take the necessary steps and block certain tags (for example on tumblr) it can very much happen that you will still be exposed to it. at some point you have to realize that this world is not accustomed to you, nothing is, wether in real life nor online, you have to accept that there will always be different views and opinions that will piss you off or not align with you, make you mad or sad, but what you should never do in this situation is send hate or make it seem like a person is this awful individual.

you are not a good person if you bully people, and even if you show us all the awful things you had to go through in your real life, it is not an apology to bully people and you can attempt to make us feel bad, but i don't have sympathy for bullies, even if you were bullied yourself, especially then you should know how it feels like.

again anon, thank you so much! 💕 i was really questioning on how to behave on this blog anymore, it's a huge blog and i have found it to be a little overwhelming, but then I remember that my readers are the sweetest people out there and I know I have the best little corner on the internet here, with them by my side 💕 you really brought me back to reality, thank you nonnie.

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Update 234 Review: King, Evaluated

Summary

I'm not going to really bother with a summary for this chapter. It's a really simple story -- Atomic Samurai challenges King to show him his strength, overthinks it, and lets King off the hook. And goodness knows people have told and retold it to a nonsensical degree. So let's move onto the meta, shall we?

Meta: Cognitive Biases Ahoy!

I hope that no one is sitting here thinking of Atomic Samurai as stupid. Tempting as it is, ONE is showing here a set of pitfalls that even intelligent people fall into. Heck, some of them are pitfalls that people fall into precisely because they're intelligent. Shall we go through them?

The easiest one is confirmation bias. You see this all the time. Our love of finding out that we're right is so strong that it's been necessary to create a whole discipline in the sciences to prevent us from fooling ourselves -- and we still do that, alas. When faced with a phenomenon, we make up some suppositions of what might be happening… and unless we're very, very careful, we try to prove that it's the case, rather than it's not the case.

Atomic Samurai (and his disciples) have the thought that King is really strong, and while Atomic Samurai correctly notes that he's seen nothing in person to evidence King's strength, his go to is to try to confirm that King is strong, not try to see the opposite. Because of that, when given ambiguous evidence, heck, even negative evidence, of King not being seen to so much as draw the sword, he jumps to the conclusion that King must be at least as strong, if not stronger, than the swordsmen so skilled that they can cut objects such that they rejoin themselves, rather than King did nothing. It's not stupidity. It only looks that way because we've been given the answers and believe ourselves smart -- that's not smart of us.

We love confirmation bias because it does not involve us having to challenge what we think we know, which can be upsetting. We don't like to find out that we're wrong.

Speaking of things we don't like to see, there's a second thing at play, one that the proud really fall prey to. We really hate having to admit ignorance and would rather confabulate than go, 'I don't know.' If admitting ignorance to ourselves is hard, admitting it in front of our peers is even harder. Since Atomic has plenty of pride, and his disciples are not much better, when King started bullshitting about atmospheric conditions and the effect that fighting would have, rather than look ignorant, they pretended that they knew what King was talking about.

Lucky for King, eh?

Well, let's talk a little about King and his luck. If King is bullshitting like his life depends on it, that's because it does. The reason King has managed to survive for so long is that he's never, ever, not even once, fooled himself into believing himself to be in possession of any powers. So far, he has been lucky, that much he knows. He also knows that 'good' isn't the only flavour that luck occurs in. So when he's in front of a threat, he's not pretending to be terrified, he is. And that honest terror makes him look and sound scary.

Just scary enough that people think twice about whether they really want to push their luck and test him, given that there really is a hero out there who annihilates everything at a single blow and they've been told that guy is this 'King' fellow in front of them. If King had the nonsense to believe in his luck, he'd not be as scared -- and the facade would fall apart.

Believe it or not, that's all I really have to say about this conflict.

Just a few more bits to mop up.

First, I really like that there's a framework for the apple not noticing that it's been cut. Given that it's not possible to keep things a surprise given that many readers of the manga have either read the webcomic or know someone who has, I like how ONE has solved the problem. Rather than pretending that a no-longer-a-surprise is nevertheless a surprise, he's given it roots and incorporated it into the story. And the sword not noticing that it'd been drawn? I laughed. Sorry if you cried.

Second, speaking about vulnerability, it's interesting that Amai Mask did not lose face by showing that he too could be scared, could fail, could be vulnerable. We get to see Atomic's view of it and he has found real respect for Amai Mask for being able to admit all those things publicly, and then find a way to pull himself together and keep fighting. It's both neat in itself, because it takes real courage to be publicly vulnerable, and it's neat because it's precisely what neither Atomic nor his disciples could do when faced with King: admit their own doubts and ignorance.

Since I'm writing this with the benefit of more chapters, bet on it that I will be returning to the matters of Sweet Mask and King, but for now, we shall leave things here.

[dysiver]

So I finished The Earth is Online.

Lemme start by saying that I started this novel because a lot of ORV fans were saying that the MCs were similar and also their relationship was similar, let me say that this is all bullshit. The two MCs from The Earth is Online and the two MCs from ORV are completely different. They aren't even close to being the same in the slightest. Unless people think that smart people = all similar. So if someone tells you to read this novel cuz it is "similar" to ORV then you'll be highly disappointed.

With that out of the way The Earth is Online was great and a very fun read!

Tang Mo is a very easy-to-follow MC and the kind of guy that doesn't like dealing with bullshit. He is here to do one thing and one thing only: Survive. And he does this very well and in very entertaining ways. He isn't the kind of guy that likes to fuck around unless he's fucking someone over. He is also very serious most of the time and is only playful once he gets into a relationship with Fu Wendou. Without a doubt, he is following the stoic-cold and logical MC trope and I think he fills that role extremely well.

Fu Wendou is a cool and powerful ML and the secondary MC. He is calculating, smart, and very powerful. He is without a doubt busted, OP, and the one that highlights the MC Golden Halo the most, sometimes more than Tang MO. He is very tactical due to his military background but he also has an awkward fun side to him in which he likes to tell jokes but no one ever gets them or seems to understand that he is trying to joke. He is also a stoic-cold face and logical MC but add that to the fact that he's busted.

Honestly, when I first started reading this I wasn't sure how these two were going to get together when both of them pretty much share too many character tropes to the point that they feel far too similar at times, but that's the point. The two are very similar and that's why they work so well together and know how to fulfill a role that the other might be lacking and that's because they know each other so well.

Now, I say that I wasn't sure how the two were going to get together but to be honest, that isn't the point of the novel at all. The Earth is Online might be BL but it is obviously a novel that wishes to be a story first and foremost and not a romance or a trope of the BL genre. The Earth is Online cares more about the story than any of its characters and relationships and it shows. The novel is the strongest when they are playing deadly games, or when they are fighting the tower and the bosses and to be honest, that's what I was the most hyped about.

Yeah, sure, I wanted Fu Wendou and Tang Mo to develop their relationship but midway through the novel, it was obvious that this was gonna be a deadly, and hot slow burn. In fact, the relationship between Fu Wendou and Tang Mo starts very slow, and then steps on the gas and runs off a cliff cuz as it turns out the two are already into one another and once they find out who they are, the relationship develops even faster. Fu Wendou and Tang Mo aren't romantic either, and they aren't big on words, they have a few moments here and there but nothing that's praiseworthy tbh.

But I was having the most fun when reading the games they were playing and the deadly battles and that's why you should read The Earth is Online, because the core plot is amazing. Some of this shit was too high IQ for me and my pea brain but I was still so invested that I couldn't put the book down until I was done.

A solid 9/10 as a Shonen story, and a rough 6/10 as a BL. Finally a solid 8/10 as a whole. The reason why it isn't higher is cuz of the lack of character development and also the relationships in between characters felt too fragile at times, which I understand makes sense due to the setting but it still left you feeling thirsty for some kind of development or attachment.

If you read this expecting the gay Shit Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk have got going on then no, this isn't it chief, in fact Dokja and Joonghyuk are more romantic and gayer than these two gay men.

[weightedblankettt]

nicovid works well platonically but i really like it romantically. taking someone who’s desperate to survive (nico) and pairing them with someone who views his own life as worthless (david) is already an interesting dynamic, but when its paired up with their actual personalities it just adds a layer of bittersweetness to it. nico, someone who’s been tormented their entire life, and david, who’s basked in the attention of everyone around him for years. nico, who was bullied for being themselves, and david, who was praised for being someone else. nico, who’s shy, david, who’s outgoing at first but slowly devolves into someone cynical. i do like their dynamic pre-freakout, its very cute and could lead to nico breaking out of their shell, i find their post-freakout dynamic much more interesting. nico and david both have a common denominator: they did something bad and will most likely be ostracized because of it. seeing as they both know how it feels to be set aside as the odd one out (nico through their bullying, david through never feeling as if his true feelings are enough for others) and they both have similar character relationships. (disdain towards ace, fallen-through friendship with hu). i feel like given david’s clear self-esteem issues, nico’s blunt manner of speech won’t be seen as insulting by david, and that lets them learn how to speak their mind. i see their dynamic as someone who wraps himself in a lie, and one of the only people that can see through him. even during the trial, nico’s one of the three people out of the cast of 13 students attending the second trial that notices david’s bullshitting about killing arei, alongside the protag and the support. idk if this is plot armoring my favs or whatever but i do think that nico can read people well, similarly to the animals they work with (considering their occupation: pet *therapy*) and david’s tendency to lie might not really fool them. they can both depend on each other when they need to, but they also do have their own problems and stuff. their development in canon chapter 3 could be interesting if they do end up talking to each other, especially if nico does end up becoming a chapter three victim. another thing that really intrigues me about them is how they’ve both committed an irredeemable action. david’s trying to get them all killed by pretending to have killed arei after all, and nico tried to kill ace. they’re both one of the “bad people” of the second chapter, and i can heavily emphasize (empathy =/= sympathy by the way.) despite their contrasting personalities and themes. it emphasizes how anyone is capable of doing bad, even someone seemingly kind and timid or someone seemingly well-intentioned. nico really has no room to speak on david’s shortcomings and vice versa, and i doubt that either of them want to. they provide each other with a safe space that neither of them really deserve, but it’s still comfortable to have and they enjoy it. david, although his nihilistic tendencies are on display, probably still can’t help but accommodate for nico if they ever started dating or going out. maybe not immediately after— he’d probably still be cruel, but nico wouldn’t really mind. they both let each other say what they’re thinking freely, without caring much for their words, but one thing leads to another and they cant help but fall in love. they both accommodate for each other. nico tries to help david with his honesty and his feelings, because they can’t control their own feelings OR how honest they are (even if its insulting,) and david takes care of nico when they can’t take care of themselves. gaah i lovw them.

this sounds insane? thats because it is. i dint know what the fuck im takjing about but they make me happy and sad. their entire dynamic can be described as one thing: bittersweet

[lindszeppelin]

curiosity- at what point do you accept a PR relationship involves the PR teams of both people? where does austin and his team/kate factor in? you do a lot of talking about kaia and her team being sinister mastermind plotters but seem hesitant to be critical of your stake in it in regards to austin and his team. i can personally see the argument for it being set up for PR, but not in the sense that he’s “trapped” which seems to be the main narrative on here. they’re too much net benefit on his end for that to be the case: the business connections he now has access to through rande, even more so bc rande seems to love him and is probably “grooming” him for casamigos involvement. connections through cindy and kaia such as laura dern, the general privilege of being plus-oned into a million, probably billion dollar dynasty family when while i’m sure he’s well off, he doesn’t come from money. more paparazzi opportunities that give him just as much PR as they do her. and to be a bit crass, a young, thin (not saying to be fatphobic and hoping you know what i mean), pretty model to get him off at the end of the day. he hasn’t exactly gotten nothing but pain out of this deal.

you got pretty close with all the ‘they’s in the part of your post calling *them* hypocritical for how they talk about privacy. but i’m curious for your brutally honest take on austin and his team’s involvement. understandable that you might be wary to upset other fans, but i think being critical of your faves is healthier than constantly falling on the sword for them. 

slow your roll, cowboy. this needs to be addressed and then we move on.

i have never not said that PR relationships DON'T involve both PR teams. It seems like you are maybe new here to my blog. I have said so much over the span of probably a year discussing all of this ad nauseum. i call out her team predominately because her team has done most of the heavy lifting. his team only seems to step in when the record needs to be corrected.

so with that being said, do you hear yourself? what planet are you living on where you truly think rande is grooming austin to take over casamigos? also, a billion dollar dynasty family? what is this, Downton Abbey? sanity has left the chat.

austin has made connections, money, and fantastic career choices without the Gerbers throughout his entire career spanning a decade and he will continue to do so without them. while he was working the field going to auditions and working on critically acclaimed shows, she was playing hopscotch with her friends in a malibu elementary school. he does not need their help, he has done it by himself very well and is managing his new level of fame in his own way.

you wanna talk about grooming? kaia has been groomed since she was little by her own family in the ways of Hollywood and how to move through it via the nepotism she has. you think that they don't give their daughter the hardest hitting PR team in LA? they play this Hollywood game for breakfast. there are two people in this situationship...one comes from humble beginnings living with his divorced parents in their family's garage, and the other one was bred into hollywood culture since birth. we are not even on the same galaxy, let alone the same planet when it comes to these two and how they move through life and their values.

we can be critical, but austin has not done anything to warrant us as fans being critical of him in regards to his PR. he doesn't care about externals like money or the glitz of hollywood. he is clearly not tempted by that shit. yes he didn't come from money, but it's shitty of you to presume that just because he has been with the Gerber's that he is this changed guy who all of a sudden cares about materialistic bullshit.. do you see this guy driving an Escalade drinking boxed water and going out to parties and rubbing elbows with the elites every weekend? no. and do you see this guy calling the paps on himself and enjoying the paps attention? no. are you blind? did you sleep through all of the last Cabo vacation and literally every single time he is papped with her? incredible selective memory.

being with kaia has made him worse off and he has not gained any benefit from this situationship. austin is not this Machiavellian schemer that rubs his hands together and plots "how can i use the gerbers to benefit my career?" like you think he does. and it's sad that you do.

in conclusion, im not here to be well liked and play to people's feelings. i don't give a damn. i am here to support austin and his career, period.

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Dear fucker Nikki (fanfiction)

A/N: This little letter was born out of nowhere and will probably give you a toothache but it needed to get out. Plus it was Nikki's birthday yestarday, so why not? A huge thanks to @glamourizedcocaine for their wonderful handwriting <3

Dear Nikki,

you are probably wondering who the fuck I am but don’t bother because I don’t exist. Well, I should say I don’t exist yet but I will. See, I’m Nikki from 2023 your 65 years old version and as you can see we didn’t lose our love for making things as complicated and dramatic as we can.

Let’s start with the big question: how in the hell did we get to 65 years old? I’m still wondering about it myself so I can only give you my honest opinion : we pulled our heads out of our ass and someone up there took mercy on us. Does this answer satisfy you? Probably not, but I’m here to explain.

Right now it’s December 11 1987 for you. You are all alone in your Van Nuys house, shooting up under a Christmas tree and wondering why nobody loves you or why did your family abandon you. “Why does living feel so draining?” you used to say or I should say I used to say but I prefer referring to you as a separate being. Loneliness is eating you alive as much as your addiction is destroying your life piece by piece, you know that but you are too scared to admit it. You need help but you don’t know how to ask for it.

Second question: why are you writing to me, your past self? I could say it’s because I’m an egocentric bastard or because I want to leave something to this world but I’d be lying. The simplest answer is that I felt the need to. 

The more complex one is that we live in a fucked up world, where each day everything seems to fall to pieces and the opioids epidemic seems to take more and more lives. It doesn’t matter how much I try to take action because it never seems enough but if I know something that did help that was the book I wrote about our story so maybe this letter will too.

However deep down I know you can read through my bullshit. Even after all these years I still think I can trick people but I end up looking like a child with a mouth covered in sugar who swears he didn’t eat any candy. I didn’t completely lie when I said I’m doing this to help people but I omitted that I’m one of those people.

“What the fuck dude, you just told me we get to be 65 and now you tell me we are still need help?”  

Well, everyone needs a little comfort sometimes even when you know all the tricks to take care of your mental health. I might be an old man but you still live in me, just like the little Nikki who has been hurted by everyone, simply some days I can hear your voices more loudly than others. I know the symptoms all too well : racing heart, general tiredness, the urge to fuck everything up, emotions all over the place. 

So what do I do? Anything you wouldn’t do: allowing myself to feel the emotions instead of bottling them up, relaxing, distract myself and writing this letter. Knowing who I was and how far I’ve come, getting back in contact with you gives me hope for two reasons : reminds me I don’t want to get back to that and empowers me to heal. I thought nobody was there to comfort me so I’m letting myself from the future do it because sometimes it’s easier to be kinder to our younger versions even if they were a piece of work like you.

You’re worth it, just like I am. Even when the world feels like collapsing on itself, we are still worth it. We were worth it when I was you, a junkie, and we are when I’m just an old man playing bass. I just need to repeat it over and over until it becomes a part of me since the human minds are incredibly forgetful when it comes to their importance.

I want to leave you with hope, the same one that helps me going through all the hard times in my life. We made it, we finally got the family we always wanted : Gunner, Storm,  Decker, Frankie and Ruby are all different ages and we love them with our whole heart. Ruby is only 3 now and she gets to receive everything we didn’t, especially since we are more mature compared to the others. I hope I’m a good enough father for them but sure I tried and keep trying my best. What matters is that it’s possible to break the abuse cycle and we are the living proof. 

The band it’s still going after 40 years and after a brief pause we are still touring. So many teenagers love Motley Crue now because they made a movie about us, which allowed me  to tell your story and show people there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you Nikki for not giving up on us and coming back that night. Thank you for allowing me to blurt my feelings out in this letter on my birthday, while I’m hidden in my home’s studio while I get to roll a tear and move on. Thanks to all the other Nikki(s) who fell down and got right up because that’s what we do. And lastly thanks to myself for keeping fighting and making sure that future Nikki can enjoy his old age with a lovely family and badass fans.

It will get better for you and for me.

Sincerely yours

An old man you killed 36 years ago or Nikki Sixx.