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#←making a tag for it 'cause there's gonna be more in the future
blotsjunkyard · 1 month
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signanothername · 1 year
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I keep getting new followers
Hello hello! Welcome to my turtle sanctuary of weird random ideas that’ll probably make you wonder what I’m on fr
Anyway have these random ICIMI au sketches (2 of which are old and the last which is relatively new)
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For the new followers who probably have zero idea what’s that
What’s ICIMI au? Aka “in case I make it,” is another F!Leo goes to the past au except it’s a fluffy healing journey fic in which Hueso basically adopts F!Leo and shenanigans ensue
You’ll be following Leo on his journey as he reconnects with his family and a normal world without war in small baby steps, as he learns to let himself grieve, forgive himself for past mistakes he shouldn’t have blamed himself for to begin with, and unlearn some bad habits connected to his self worth
He explores his world a second time, going down memory lane and reminds himself of all the beautiful things he lost for so long, getting to enjoy the little things in life, all under the watchful eyes of his beloved Tío, as his Tío isn’t taking any bullshit and is very insistent on helping his blue kid heal and grow bigger than his grief
Let’s hope Hueso has enough energy to deal with a 2x times more problem causing, reckless and stubborn version of his little Pepino :)
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adriles · 10 months
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im sorry to say, that by ignoring the plague of apollo, you have doomed the danaans to further misery. Farewell my bitch
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astralazuli · 1 month
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So there's that D&D class quiz going around, & I took it & was so deeply offended I got Paladin.
& so I have had conversations with both Bestie & Birdfriend about this grave insult & they both were like, "Well... They have a point?" & informed me that my desire to absorb hits meant for others & deep drive to help whenever I actually can & strong convictions make me a bit Paladin-coded.
& I am just so... Idk. It's just interesting to get glimpses of yourself from other people's POVs. To be told that my defining characteristics are protecting & healing others & being incredibly fighty about the things I care about... Especially as someone whose brain specifically fixates on whether I care enough, do enough, give enough... Yeah. It's just kinda wild.
Anyway, I'm now adjusting my self-perception to include the fact that if I were a D&D character, I would be an Oath of the Ancients Paladin & not a wizard & that actually that's okay.
#I don't Believe many things#because I prefer to stay open to new perspectives#& think that a balanced approach to life involves embracing a certain level of ambiguity in reality#but the things I do Believe in?#Oh I Believe them with all my heart.#I don't know how my belief system will change in the future#But I do know that above all else I believe in Kindness#Kindness to yourself Kindness to everyone around you Kindness to nature#The point of society is to ensure Everyone is treated well & can enjoy existence as much as possible#The point is Joy. The method is Kindness.#& if you aren't fighting for Everyone to be taken care of & respected & treated with Kindness#then I am not interested in your revolution.#If you hate the people against you more than you love the people you're fighting for?#You're missing the goddamn point.#(Please note I'm speaking of Kindness as a separate concept from Niceness.)#(Sometimes you cannot be Kind without being Not Nice to someone who is doing unkindnesses.)#(But I feel like a lot of people mistake that concept for an excuse to deny those they disagree with Kindness.)#(& my dudes you don't actually have principles if they only apply to people you like & agree with.)#There is no freedom until everyone is free includes the people you don't like.#While I am not free right now due to my various axes of oppression & the oppression others face#I'm also not gonna be free if we straight up murder & imprison the current oppressors#Trading one oppressive system for another isn't actually all that radical???#Just 'cause you think 'the right people' are being oppressed doesn't make oppressing them okay?#Like I'm a leftist because I believe Literally Everyone should be allowed to live whatever fulfilling life they want#so long they as aren't doing a damage to someone else in order to do so.#Not because I think I think the wrong people are oppressed.#Hm now that I've written this fucking essay on ethics in my tags#I am seeing Bestie & Birdfriend's points...#Birdfriend legit said that I'm the '**smacks others while screaming** BE! KIND! TO! EACH! OTHER!' type of Paladin.#I guess they were right.
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months
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I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:
I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]
This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing
This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me
Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.
With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…
It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.
Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.
To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.
It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]
When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.
And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…
It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.
I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.
So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.
And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.
Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.
To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…
Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.
But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.
So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.
And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?
Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…
Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…
Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]
To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.
He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.
Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…
As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.
Self-destructiveness
It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.
I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.
I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.
From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.
Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad
I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."
Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")
Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.
Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.
I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.
Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]
I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…
Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]
Lol
Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity
Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]
Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately
That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.
This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.
Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.
High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks
I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.
Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)
Lol…
Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others
Lmao Even…
Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)
I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.
Abandonment issues
Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.
Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place
Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG
Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]
Rofl Perhaps…
Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]
He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.
Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)
Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.
Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")
The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.
[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard
EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…
......
... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao
ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE
#long post#cw csa#doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately#snap chats#THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit#I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby#and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them#i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them#i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics#so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects#tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine#the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less#when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense#THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato#even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre#cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist#but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi#BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY#childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL#i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good#so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That
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craftycalico · 7 months
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Bad terrible brain day.
I’ll still finish the doodles tho :)
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sassysnowglobe · 1 year
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Personal posts? On my blog? In 2022?
More likely than you’d think apparently.
#the life and times of pieces#tag venting#because oh my god maybe my mum kinda sucks and has always sucked#maybe teenage me had some points#maybe she has always been a regretful parent and it just took me this long to realize#maybe i was never gonna be good enough for her#maybe it’s not all my fault that she’s distant and moody and only talks if she needs something#maybe I forgot her birthday for a reason because maybe she wasn’t a memorable enough fixture in my adhd brain#maybe there’s a reason she still holds a year old present over my head#maybe there’s a reason the idea of her giving me anything makes me feel sick to my stomach#maybe all her complaining about how ‘poor’ she is while she goes on fancy holidays isn’t Good Parenting#maybe doing that while her kid hasn’t been on holiday in literally half a decade is a bit tone deaf#maybe moving Christmas away from Christmas sends a VERY STRONG SIGNAL to your autistic child#maybe bursting into a rage and getting defensive if GENTLY called out on the hurt you’ve caused closes the door to any future conversations#maybe. just maybe. you haven’t been a very good parent.#get it off my chest get it on my dash or something like that#also to add to this:#nothing will make you feel more viscerally lonely than the knowledge your friends are going home to loving families#when youre hasn’t been anything even close to that in literal years#I don’t need a girlfriend I just need to experience a warm loving family Christmas
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satorusluver · 7 months
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Prince!Gojo x maid!reader
Minors DNI
I know I mentioned Prince Gojo x arranged fiancé reader but now I am also thinking about Prince Gojo x maid reader.
Tags/warnings: unprotected sex, creampie
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Prince Satoru Gojo, who first saw you years ago when you joined his mother's household when you were both teenagers and had an instant attraction to you. You're not even a lady-in-waiting who serves the queen, they're at least noblewomen. You're a servant to a lady-in-waiting, far far below the Crown Prince in ranking, but do you think that's gonna stop Satoru? Hell no. Not when you're the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on.
It took him years to actually speak more than a few sentences to you though, not because you're so below him, but because you're so ethereal, so beautiful and pure that he didn''t want to corrupt you with the sinful thoughts he has of you. But once the spark between the two of you became apparent, nothing could stop it from blazing, his better judgement and the social hierarchy be damned.
You think he's thinking about any of that when he's balls deep in your soft, velvety cunt? When he's feeling your legs wrapped around his waist and your hot breath panting in his ear, and hearing you whimper his name, his real name, and not "my prince" or "your highness" or "Crown Prince Satoru"? Because here, in this room away from prying eyes, he's just Satoru -your Satoru.
And no, you didn't expect friendly conversations and harmless flirtations and maybe a few stolen kisses to so quickly evolve into Satoru bunching up the skirt of your dress around your hips and rutting into you against the wall of an empty room during the few short minutes before he has high tea and you have to return to washing the windows. His pace is hard and fast due to the lack of time, and it makes your eyes water and your toes curl each time his thick cockhead rams against your sweet spot and causes you to see stars and dig your teeth into your lower lip to keep from crying out loud enough for someone outside the room to hear.
And yes, you know it's a terrible idea. That you should have saved your maidenhood for your future husband. That you're risking everything, your honor and your future, when you feel those ropes of royal seed spurting against your cervix and into your womb and very possibly putting a bastard in your belly.
But how could you have possibly said no to the handsome Crown Prince and those captivating blue eyes that look at you like you're something wonderful, something precious, something more than a servant who scrubs floors and empties chamber pots? When he's kissing the side of your face so sweetly and gasping out a declaration of love as he's fucking that royal seed back into you?
You can't bring yourself to regret it, even when you're soon back to washing down the windows outside of the room where Satoru is now dining with his family, sipping tea from cups expensive enough to keep you fed for an entire year. Not even when you feel that familiar trickle of his seed spilling out of you and pooling in your undergarments, and see those same blue eyes now momentarily flicker over to you with an utterly blank expression that betrays no recognition whatsoever.
2K notes · View notes
ham1lton · 2 months
Text
PARTY IN THE U.S.A!
pairings: charles leclerc x actress!reader.
faceclaim: rachel mcadams.
summary: before the miami grand prix, o/s posts you and charles goes on a journey to find you. too bad that time has plans of its own.
author’s note: the request said you wanted to have reader be introduced to charles through another driver’s gf but because i’m egotistical, i chose to link this to the nepo sister universe. so they meet through o/s. also i changed it up slightly! this can be read independently of the nsu but it’ll be more enjoyable if you read the other works.
wanna get tagged in any future works? sign up for my taglist! <3
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liked by zendaya, charles_leclerc and 1,827,627 others.
oldersister: our new film ‘material girl’ is now out! enjoy my cameo in my best friend’s film! so proud of her and the most incredible team who worked with us to create this incredible film. thank you for allowing me to be a part of this 💕
neposisreader: a smile might be good.
-> oldersister: nothing to smile about in my life.
-> neposisreader: i already apologised for bringing lando to dinner without a warning!
user3: running to the cinema to watch this!
user1: so jealous of her life icl.
user4: no cause i had no clue o/s and y/n are childhood besties?! this changes everything.
user5: the two pretty best friends everyone has been looking for.
landonorris: whooo look at my sister in law 🥳
-> oldersister: blocking you immediately actually.
-> landonorris: WAIT !! 😩😭
user6: what’s charles doing here in the likes 🤨
-> user7: he’s friends with o/s. that’s probably all there is to it.
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liked by oldersister, neposisreader and 2,383,733 others.
yourusername: i had the best time working with the most magnificent group of people on this movie. ‘material girl’ is currently out! i had the opportunity to work with the best and make something truly unforgettable. keep an eye out for my bestie’s cameo! also my niece came to come visit me on set. my favourite gift <3
neposisreader: mrs fluffkins is evil.
-> yourusername: she’s an angel!
-> oldersister: exactly! thank you!!
-> yourusername: you know i got you bestie 😘
user1: you look so good in this shade of blonde!
user2: brb running to get my regina george halloween costume.
user3: charles liking y/n related posts? hmmm 🤨 you not slick baby.
*liked by landonorris.*
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liked by charles_leclerc, ynshoney and 234,672 others
ynswife: our girl y/n dropped to the jimmy fallon show to spill all the gossip about her newest film, her love of miami and her best friend oldersister.
user1: i love her tan and this hair on her!
-> user2: she’s always so happy and bubbly after spending time with o/s. that’s truly her girl.
user3: i watched material girl with my best friends and i almost cried at the end when regina had her big speech. i love y/n’s acting sm.
-> user4: she’s going to be in the david fincher adaptation of gone girl! so excited for her! she’s gonna kill it!
user8: did you guys notice how she stayed silent when the topic of her love life came up? she’s always so quick to mention she’s single….
-> user9: when she comes out as dating o/s >>>>
-> user17: when the doctors come back with your tests and legally diagnose you with delusional tendencies >>>
-> user12: what if she’s dating charles?? he’s been interacting with a lot of her accounts recently…
-> user7: i’m gonna put my hand on yours when i say this okay? that’s not happening beloved.
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liked by oldersister, neposisreader and 1,627,892 others.
yourusername: miami i lovee youu 😘
oldersister: when did you take that pic of us?
-> yourusername: the lady behind us took it! she sent it to me through airdrop <3 you looked so cute i had to post it.
-> user1: they’re 100% dating.
-> user2: nah they’re definitely friends.
user3: WHO IS THE GUY IN THE THIRD PIC?
-> user4: it’s her costar! the proportions match!
-> charles_leclerc: no it isn’t. lol.
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liked by yourusername, landonorris and 1,037,637 others.
charles_leclerc: here is my ‘hard launch’ and now that i’ve got your attention. go watch my amazing talented girlfriend in her newest movie ‘material girl’.
oldersister: i still don’t like this.
-> landonorris: charles and i are in-laws now 😘
-> oldersister: who unblocked you from my instagram???
-> landonorris: WAIT NO 😭
user1: yasss watch this masterpiece of a movie!!
*liked by charles_leclerc.*
user2: king of promotion. y/n needs to get him a job in the marketing department.
danielricciardo: watched this film five times and if you saw me cry… no i didn’t.
user3: they’re actually so cute together?? this is growing on me.
yourusername: approved ✔️
-> charles_leclerc: just jumped in joy 😍‼️
560 notes · View notes
mirkoluvs · 7 months
Text
★ JJK SMAU - DATING SUGURU GETO
notes: funfact sugurus my fav animanga character 🤭
→ gojo ver. !!
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♥︎ liked by sugeto, thestrongest, shokoko, utahim3, and others…
y/nstivies: my starboy
tagged: sugeto
shokoko: BOOOOO I COULD TREAT YOU BETTER
↳ sugeto: why are you implying that i dont treat her well.
↳ shokoko: im not im implying that im better than you and she should break up with you and get with me.
↳ sugeto: wow.
↳ y/nstivies: that’s a tempting offer idk…
↳ sugeto: ???
thestrongest: me when i came up with this whole outfit
↳ sugeto: no you didn’t??????
↳ thestrongest: suguru pls don’t discredit me rn.
↳ sugeto: you LITERALLY told me i picked a good outfit before i walked out
↳ thestrongest: ok but like i mentally approved it so if i didn’t do that you would’ve changed and then you wouldn’t have that on so
↳ sugeto: i want to be happy so i’m ignoring you.
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♥︎ liked by thestrongest, y/nstivies, kenton, haibabara, and others…
sugeto: you are my sea, you are my sunshine
tagged: y/nstivies
y/nstivites: WAVE TO EARTH????? SUGU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
↳ sugeto: i love you more baby 🖤
shokoko: cant even hate he did research for this one.
↳ sugeto: what can i say 😜
↳ shokoko: now i can hate on you using that stupid ass emoji
↳ y/nstivites: yeah that was a little…
↳ sugeto: can i live.
haibabara: THIS IS SO CUTE IM GONNA POST MY FUTURE GF LIKE THIS
↳ thestrongest: youre not getting a gf anytime soon lil bro
↳ sugeto: what is your problem
↳ thestrongest: bitter.
↳ thestrongest: i’m sorry haibara you will get gf soon!
↳ haibabara: THANKS!!!!
↳ kenton: i wish i was this happy
↳ sugeto: i can somehow hear him through the phone
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♥︎ liked by utahim3, thestrongest, shokoko, sugeto, and others…
y/nstivites: when he knows how to do your hair better than you do 😍
tagged: sugeto
sugeto: hair stylists are lucky i decided to become a jujutsu sorcerer
↳ y/nstivites: they’d be unemployed 😞
utahim3: this is cute ig. like i guess it is like idk i guess.
↳ thestrongest: crazy level of hating
liked by sugeto
↳ utahim3: didnt you just tell haibara that he’d never get a gf cause you were jealous of these two.
↳ thestrongest: what happened to forgive and forget wtf…
↳ utahim3: YOU PISS ME OFF SO BADDDD
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♥︎ liked by shokoko, sugeto, kenton, the strongest, and others…
y/nstivites: took a picture so itd last longer
tagged: sugeto
sugeto: dont need a picture when im here
↳ y/nstivites: 🙁🤍
↳ sugeto: 🖤
↳ thestrongest: this is disgusting
↳ shokoko: for once i agree
shokoko: had to burn my film camera after this one
shokoko: i need a cigarette
↳ y/nstivites: had to post this so they wouldn’t catch onto us yk you’re my #1 😙
↳ shokoko: omg ur so right
↳ sugeto: i don’t like this entire thread?????
↳ thestrongest: suguru i got you dont even worry
↳ sugeto: get away from me NOW.
↳ thestrongest: 🙁
thestrongest: u guys always have the corniest captions
↳ y/nstivites: ok then wtf do you want me to make it.
↳ thestrongest: idk something like we went to tinkle together after this
↳ y/nstivites: WHAT
↳ sugeto: EXCUSE ME?????
↳ thestrongest: oh ok so now i’m the weird one.
↳ kenton: you’re just now figuring this out?
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© mirkoluvs. please do not copy, modify, or repost on other platforms. thank you !!
867 notes · View notes
eyelessfaces · 1 month
Text
uncalled for
summary: you get quite upset when poe "saves" your assigned mission by giving orders to your teams without consulting you; poe is determined to fix his mistake.
warnings: (public) arguing, talks of the future; family and having kids
tags: gn!reader, angst, being parents to bb8, fluff, this ends up being real sweet tbh
word count: 1.7k
masterlist | taglist | ao3
updates blog: @eyelessupdates
(uh yeah I'm back if you even noticed I was gone lol. I might just post this and disappear again for a little longer idk but anyways I'll explain the reason whenever I'm back for good; I'm okay don't worry, and I'm still gonna post fics don't worry it's nothing too serious fr)
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It causes a disruption when you both barge into the hangar; despite the constant clattering and whirring of tools and material there, both your bitter shoutings have been overlapping the sounds ever since Poe started following you closely, right from the moment you hastily jumped out of your x wing to try to forget about the awful management of your mission that would probably cost you to never get to lead one again. 
“It was my call, not yours” you affirm bitterly, voice dripping with resentment, your steps heavy and hurried as you try to shake Poe off but he is anything if not persevering, so it only manages to piss you off even more and fuel your frustration. “I didn’t need you to save my mission or whatever,” you exclaim, causing heads to turn as you walk across the large room, barely minding what is going on around you. 
“I did because I knew it would work!” Poe tries to explain, still heeling you closely. “I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t sure it would be successful” he declares louder than he needs to, thrown off when you suddenly stop in your steps, turning to him.
“So you think you can make decisions for me? You think I can’t do it, can’t command a mission correctly?” you rhetorically ask, revolted, sighing a profanity under your breath before you storm off again, your steps resonating with frustration. Poe sighs and winces before he follows you again, taking a hold of your arm.
“Babe come on you know that’s not–”
You stop again, your patience running short. “You had no right to encroach on my orders, I knew what I had to do, and you stepping in with your own instructions could have blown the whole mission up!” you call out, pressing a finger to his chest. 
It’s when you finally take a moment to take a look at his face that you realize it, what is going on; you are being the center of attention, the little show everyone stopped their current task to sit and watch, your every word carefully awaited by your unwanted audience. 
You sigh softly, taking a moment to step back from the situation. “Now leave me alone before we embarrass ourselves further or before I tell you things I don’t really mean just because I’m angry and don’t wanna talk to you” you hiss softly before leaving Poe in the middle of the busy room where he watches you walk away, helplessly standing there. 
When he looks around him, most people turn away and avert their gazes to pretend they haven’t witnessed anything, and Poe is well too aware of the tension still lingering in the air even as you exit the room.
When Jessika climbs down from her ladder after watching the scene from her cockpit, BB-8 rolls over to her and chirps sadly, having observed yours and Poe’s argument from afar just like most of the hangar after his master went running after you. She kneels down to the droid’s level, giving him a sympathetic smile.
“That’s gonna be fine Beebs, they always end up figuring it out somehow” she affirms as the droid’s upper part sinks in distress accompanied by saddened beeps. Jessika can’t help but smile fondly at him and his obvious concern, at the fact that he quite literally acts like you are his parents.
A few hours have passed when Poe joins you again; you don't notice him at first, having made sure to get focused enough on your paperwork to forget about the whole situation and try to ease the frustration within you. It's only when you put your datapad down that you see him leaning against the door frame.
“You're so pretty when you're focused” he smiles gently when your eyes meet his figure, causing you to roll your eyes and reluctantly smile at his words despite your lingering frustration. 
“I’m still mad at you,” you sigh softly as you try to hide your slight smirk, gaze darting back down to enter numbers into your datapad.
He acknowledges your feelings with a nod, his lips pressed together in a tight line. “I know.” he admits, stepping into the room. “That’s why I’m here” You look back up at him, taking a deep breath as you set your datapad aside; despite the fact that everything he did since you wrapped your mission up got on your nerves, deep down you only wish for this to situation to get figured out and eventually be behind the both of you. You join him in front of your desk, leaning against it.
“I knew what I was doing. I was handling it” you affirm before he even gets the chance to do so much as open his mouth.
He holds a hand up to slow you down. “I know,” he nods understandingly. “I shouldn’t have redirected the plan, I should have trusted you. I was just afraid things would go wrong considering how it was all starting to go down so quickly” he explains. “I know I could have fucked it all up, everything you put in place so the mission could go right” you slightly tilt your head to the side in agreement. 
“And I know my move was probably a lot more dangerous than the plan you had in mind to make everything right but you know I would never put you or our teams in danger, only myself” he declares with a concerned nod, causing your expression to soften. “You, never. I would never risk it, no matter what” there’s a soft frown over his face as his eyes flicker with sincerity, his confession making your heart ache as it hangs in the air before he talks again. “And I never doubted your ability to command a mission.” 
You nod with a heavy sigh, acknowledging his apology. “I should apologize too. I shouldn't have lashed out on you like that either.” you admit and nod sheepishly, reflecting on your impulsive behavior. “I really wanted this mission to go right”
“For what it’s worth,” he starts with a small smile, trying to dissimulate a bigger one. “I talked about it with Leia and she thinks you did pretty good” his declaration doesn’t fail to draw an appreciative smile from you, one that makes him mirror your action. “And she thinks we would work great together”
“And I agree,” you reply, finally feeling a weight lift off your shoulders as the tension between you begins to dissipate. “We do make a good team.”
Poe’s smile widens, relieved to see you loosen up a bit. “Yeah, we do” he agrees with a small huff, stepping closer to you. “I just hate seeing you so worked up.”
You chuckle softly, shaking your head. “I hate getting worked up,” you scoff. 
“I’ll try to think about it twice next time,” Poe promises, reaching out to gently take your hand in his. “I don’t want to step on your toes or make you feel like I don’t trust you or your judgment.”
Your fingers intertwine with his, the warmth of his touch calming you further. “Well I’ll try not to snap at you,” you promise in return, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze as you let your head rest against his chest with a small, barely audible sigh. “Especially not in front of everyone,” you mutter, earning an amused chuckle from him. You melt into his touch as he leans to press a gentle kiss over your forehead, his hand that is not holding yours coming to wrap around you.
It is only after you pull away from his embrace and leave a chaste kiss to his lips that the corner of your eye notices a sort of spy in the corner of the door frame.
“What’s he doing here” 
Poe frowns before he turns around, huffing out a laugh when he notices BB-8 peeking out the door. “How long have you been here?” he jokingly scolds his droid that fully reveals himself now that he has been caught. “You know he doesn’t like when we fight” he softly sighs turning back to you, a mix of amusement and concern in his eyes before he looks at BB rolling over the both of you.
You shake your head, unable to suppress your smile at BB-8’s presence. “Very sweet of him to be looking out for us,” you start, reaching out to pat the droid’s dome affectionately. “But maybe he should learn not to eavesdrop.”
BB-8 chirps playfully, obviously pleased with the attention, seemingly eager to be a part of the reconciliation.
Poe chuckles, kneeling down to scratch behind BB-8’s sensor with a fond smile. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll work on that,” he says before glancing back at you with a soft smile. “He's our kid, he’s been worried sick about us, weren't you?” he turns to BB, who's beeping frantically in agreement.
You glance at him, then back at Poe, a softness settling in your chest at the sight of them together, your little family. “Our first kid, yeah” you smile softly, heart fluttering inside your chest.
“First? Meaning there's gonna be more?” Poe asks with a playful smile, getting back on his feet. He raises his eyebrows as he awaits your response, and you both laugh at the sudden change of atmosphere as Poe wraps a hand around you before pressing a kiss to your temple.
You huff out a laugh at his quick jump to conclusion, “I don't know, you're a pretty good dad to this one,” you shrug.
“A couple hours ago I was dead to you and now we're talking having kids” he laughs into your hair, a teasing tone in his voice. 
“You weren’t even close to being dead to me, you’re so dramatic Poe” you declare with a small scoff, poking his chest lightly. “That’s the reason Beebs loves you so much” you tease, making him huff out a laugh. “I’d say we should focus on surviving one parenting experience first,” you chuckle looking down at BB-8, nudging Poe playfully. “But who knows what the future holds?”
Poe grins, his eyes sparkling with excitement as his arm grasps tighter around his hold on you. “As long as I have you by my side, I'm up for anything babe.”
reblogs and feedback are extremely (I cannot stress this enough) appreciated!!
star wars masterlist: @lockleysgrl @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @anightshift @whatthefishh @dameronshandholder @campingwiththecharmings @mintgreen24 @spider-starry @jakecockley @cocodiem @spxctorsslxt @friedwings @luxisluxurious @stvnnie @dowbastan @il0vebeingdelulu @hammerhead96 @unear7hly
305 notes · View notes
kaliforniahigh · 2 months
Text
"Just know you're not alone. 'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home"
word count: 1.150
pairing: jack hughes x fem!reader
warnings: some angst, fluff and a sweet ending.
Sadly inspired by the loss to the Pens tonight. This is also my first piece of writing. Please leave feedback if you want 🥰
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Your dad always worried he would have kids who didn't like hockey. Well, he didn't have to worry. Not with you. You fell in love with the game since the first time you watched it, sitting on the couch, blabbering at the TV because you couldn't quite speak, or understand what was going on. You just knew you enjoyed it.
So, as a born and raised Jersey girl, as soon as he could, your dad started taking you to watch Devils's games with him. On the rare occasions your mom tagged along (she would much prefer to go out with her friends than to go to the game. But she thought the effort was worth it from time to time), she would nearly have a heart attack every time you banged on the glass to stir on a potential fight. Or yell curses at the ref. Or worse, yell curses at the opposing players.
But that was the way you enjoyed the game. Even now, as an adult, as you watched a lot of games on your couch rather than at the arena due to your job taking up a lot of your time and energy, the excitement and love for your team was the same.
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Lately, the victim of your antics was your boyfriend, Jack. He met you through mutual friends, and soon, the both of you were bonding over your passion for hockey.
He felt every little bit of strange at the beginning. He didn't have to ask you to go to games, or give you tickets (you were a season ticket holder) and that also meant that you didn't sit up at the suite with the other wags. You much preferred front row seats.
He found that out one game, when a player boarded Nico, shoulder up, particularly hard on the glass and the ref didn't call a penalty. He heard a voice extremely similar to yours yelling something along the lines of "you get paid to do this shitty job?"
And while it was fun having a girlfriend that rooted so hard for his team, currently, it was more painful than endearing. He knew they were playing bad. He knew they probably wouldn't make it to the playoffs this way. And he knew you were disappointed.
You always made an effort to separate the Y/N fan of the New Jersey Devils and the Y/N who was Jack's girlfriend. But you couldn't help but feel sad about the season they were having. And every loss felt like another punch to the stomach.
You always waited for Jack outside the locker rooms, so you could head to your apartment together. But tonight, you just didn't have the energy. The Devils blew a 2 goal lead on the Pens and got scored on 5 times in a matter of 10 minutes.
And you just knew Luke was feeling so bad about that empty net goal, you would probably have to talk to him about it later, so the younger boy could let out his feelings.
Maybe it was the fact that these games were so important for the future of the season (even though you knew it was most likely over by now), or the fact that the team couldn't win more than 2 games in a row for a such a long time now, but before you even realized what you were doing, you texted Jack, letting him know you were taking an Uber back to your shared apartment.
He didn't reply.
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The feeling in the locker room was less than pleasant. No one in the mood to make small talk, or talk at all. Jack just wanted to shower and go home. Maybe eat something and curl up under the blankets with you, forgetting this night ever happened.
That was before he got your message. He felt his heat plummeting to his stomach, the feeling somehow worse than the lost game. He didn't respond to you, because how could he? what would he even say? it felt like sorry didn't cut it anymore.
So on the drive home he contemplated everything. He knew you weren't necessarily mad at him. But he couldn't help but feel like a horrible boyfriend on top of being a horrible hockey player.
Parking his car and getting his bags from the trunk, he dreaded the conversation that would happend when he opened the door and got into your apartment.
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You were in the kitchen, putting together dinner for the both of you when you heard the door open and Jack drop his bags on the doorway. He walked past the kitchen and went straight to the bedroom, probably to change out of his suit and into more comfortable clothes.
You ate dinner in silence, mainly because you knew he needed his space after the loss. But you were itching to talk to him. To apologize and say you didn't mean to run and just leave him there. To say you thought he was the best boyfriend and the best hockey player in the world. That he could lose a hundred games in a row and you would still see him as your beacon of light.
So that is what you did.
"Jack" he looked up from his plate "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you tonight. I failed as a partner and I'm so incredibly sorry".
"I honestly don't blame you" he replied "I'm sorry I can't find a way to make you proud". At his words, you rounded the table and sat on his lap, taking his face in your hands and forcing him to look at you.
"I want you to pay close attention to what I'm going to say to you" he faintly nodded "You can play for fifteen more years and never win a Stanley Cup and I would still be proud of you. To me, you're not Jack Hughes of the New Jersey Devils. You're the Jack who fluffs my pillows at night. Who puts my sweaters in the dryer in the winter so they're warm. Who pumps my tires because you know I won't do it" he faintly smiled at that one.
"I want to be a safe space for you. Someone you can come to when you're feeling sad, angry or frustrated. I'm sorry I made you think otherwise" You said, as you thought about how he probably felt when he got your message. About how you added on to his stress rather than alleviate it like you were supposed to.
"Thank you", was all he said before circling his arms around your waist, pulling you close and burying his head on your neck.
At that moment, he knew that even though hockey was his whole life, if he didn't have you beside him, either cherring him on or wiping his tears, none of it would mean much to him anyway.
214 notes · View notes
vaguesxrrow · 1 month
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charles rowland relationship hcs
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a/n: i dont know if ghosts can change their outfits but i choose to believe so bc wouldnt we all like to see him dressed up ? also i wrote this so quickly, the dbd brainrot is REAL
tags: gender neutral reader
what being in a relationship with charles rowland would be like...
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- charles will greet you with a bouquet of your favourite flowers plus some other species with specific meanings (he consulted niko on that!) on a first date
- if he plucked them from someone's garden or 'borrowed' them from a flower shop thennn it's for a good cause so...
- on a second or third or more, he'll show up with a mixtape he made for you - it definitely worked on girls back in the 80s AND present day
- he always has amazing style but you bet he made an extra extra effort to look nice for you !
- if you're arranging future dates he'll secretly want to coordinate outfits bc he thinks it's super cute
- when suggesting it he'll be kind of shy
- "y'know, it'd be brill if we tried to, like, wear similar things to match..."
- will kiss you when you agree
- if you wear jewelry he'll get you lots
- oh and matching jewelry for the two of you ofc
- him grabbing your hand and spinning you into a kiss
- charles is a nickname kinda guyy .. probably not 'baby' or anything but something original he came up with himself (bc he's so proud of the dead boy detectives name)
- likes it when you call him handsome or pretty boy
- when you kiss he'll hold your face gently
- likes when you pull him in by his clothes
- heat of the moment kisses give him the most thrill, like after an investigation nearly gone wrong
- when you're walking together he'll have an arm over your shoulder or around your waist
- when cuddling: prefers being the big spoon but if you wanna kind of just sprawl over each other he doesnt mind that either
- he'll scratch your scalp or massage you or something to help you fall asleep
- he himself doesnt need sleep but he'll lay down next to you and close his eyes so it isnt weird that you have someone staring at you while you try to fall asleep
- but once you're asleep he's obviously gonna admire you because this boy thinks you're drop dead gorgeous (no pun intended)
- top love language is quality time but obviously he's gonna be expressing his love for you in any way he can
- on special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries he'll make a heartfelt speech and give you a thoughtful gift
- you're guaranteed to like any and all gifts he gives you
- charles frequently consults the others on if they think you'll like something
- edwin: YES charles, for the millionth time i am SURE they will appreciate the gift
- charles: yeah, BUT do you think this will be better-
- when gift-obtaining, he does it on impulse and THEN goes to ask the rest of the crew but he knows you very well so obviously everyone knows you'll like it
- anything you give him he will treasure forever and keep in a box
188 notes · View notes
alchely · 2 months
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My Top Gallavich fics
So, under the advice of the lovely @iangallagherisadeadman I've decided to compile a favorites Gallavich fic list along with a brief rec of each, this won't be a strict top 10 cause I'm not gonna torture myself into excluding some of these stories on some made-up self imposed arbitrary rules.
A bunch of disclaimers: most of these fics are long fics, going from 30k words up, I'm not purposefully excluding shorter fics, I have read plenty of them, but they do have a harder time sticking in my head months after reading.
Most of these fics will be explicit, just read the tags on the fic itself if you want to find out more.
Some of these fics don't have links because the authors chose to lock them and as such make them unlinkable, in order to read them you will need to go through the author's page while you're logged in your AO3 account.
This ended up ballooning out of control and is A LOT longer than ten fics, I apologize in advance :p.
YOU'LL NEVER SEE US AGAIN – spoonfulstar - 231k words
Mickey and Ian have been students at Marceline boarding school their whole lives, as their time at the institute draws toward the end they will start to discover many things, about themselves, about each other and about the world they live in.
THIS FIC! I CRIED! The number of fanfiction that are able to make me cry can be counted on a singular hand, the emotional stakes get higher and higher as the story goes on, leading to a beautiful and bittersweet climax.
This story will make you think and feel deeply about topics you'd never think a shameless fic would delve into.
I am obsessed with Mickey in this fic, he and Ian grow up in an environment that could not be more removed from South Side Chicago and yet his personality is still so recognizably and distinctly Mickey.
The story goes very dark at times, and the fic itself could be considered lengthy, but I assure you the author has made sure to not make you feel it. Those 200k words flowed so well the story did not feel long at all.
HELP ME (TEAR DOWN MY REASON) – wehangout - 34k words
Mickey is a detective and Ian becomes a suspect in an investigation except Mickey already knows him because he's his favorite dancer.
This fic falls under the umbrella of fics where “Mickey is so in love with Ian he does something unbelievably crazy”.
Oooh boy, this fic, it's written in second person (yes you've read that right), tbh out of all fics I've read from this author I think this one was the easiest to adjust mentally to the change in perspective.
I loved Mickey’s “love” in this, just… This raw connection to Ian, the perfect cocktail of feelings, I could read that all day long.
IN ANOTHER WORLD – Roryonic - 249k words
Mickey does not get sent to prison at the end of S5, what happens after and how his presence influences future events (mostly Ian, but also every other Gallagher as well as his own family).
As far as I'm concerned this fic is the closest to a perfect S6 and beyond fix-it. The dialogue writing in this story is so close to canon Shameless that I could picture entire scenes in my head with the actors playing the characters, with their body and personality quirks.
Sometimes I find myself describing this fic like it's the actual show's deleted scenes, “Look, Mickey has his own storyline! And Mandy is here! And the existence of Yevgeni does not become a plot hole!”
There are some Mickey lines in this fic that to me are as canon as if they'd been in the show. Absolutely iconic writing.
I love this author so here's a rec of some of their other longfics, however I highly suggest a lot of their other much shorter stuff as well:
BATTLESHIPS AND LOVE BOATS: Ian and Mickey start their “no strings attached” kind of sex relationship a little later than canon but their attraction and love is just as strong. This is a sort of High School AU that turns into a Prison AU that turns into something else and every shift is just as lovely as the next.
YOU SMELL LIKE LOVE: Ian and Mickey are childhood friends, to the point that the rest of the Gallaghers might as well consider Mickey a seventh brother, mmmh, I sure wonder how things will start to change. Look, I never thought I'd love a childhood friends AU for Gallavich yet here I am, if it's good it's good.
ME AND THE DEVIL: Mickey unconsciously calls for a vengeance demon and Ian Gallagher shows up at his door, because Mickey is a stubborn dumbass they fall in love instead. This story has a lot of twists and turns and the premise is only the very beginning of the story. I LOVED it!
THE INCREASINGLY POOR DECISIONS OF IAN GALLAGHER – Shamelessquestions - 309k words
Ian is a dancer in a club, he accidentally gets involved in the affair of a dangerous mafia don, but the true danger is the attraction he and the mafioso’s right hand Mickey feel for each other as soon as they meet.
What. A. Classic. Truly, an unforgettable story, and I don't mean this in hyperbole, I read this story around… 2016/2017 during my second round in the Shameless fandom, then I read countless other fics in a lot of other fandom and yet this story was the only one that my mind retained from back then, to the point that I could still remember some of the finer details as well as the final plot twists when I came back to reread it.
The plot is constructed beautifully and the original characters (part of the Shamelessquestions fanfiction universe, as they come back time and time again in every one of their AU to fulfill their role in the story) are just as vibrant.
What a story, truly.
Favorite original character in this AU: Sal, his downfall is so satisfying and yet so pitiful to read.
TEENAGERS SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME – Mellow_Yellow - 221k words
Ian finds something scary and calls Mickey for help, even though they had only reconnected that very day after two years of not seeing each other. Together, they get sucked into a situation they weren't at all prepared for. Can they even admit that they're in over their head?
The very beginning of this fic is SO cinematic it grabbed my interest from the very first scene and didn't let go until the end, DO NOT search for spoilers.
The only warning I'll give is that it does deal with a bit of gore and what I'm personally gonna define as slight psychological horror. That's it. Enjoy!
BROKE STRAIGHT BOYS – dancermk - 66k words
Mickey becomes a porn actor for a site where he has to pretend he's straight and not enjoying the copious amount of gay sex he's having on camera, enter Ian, another actor under the same agency and their off the chart physical chemistry.
This story has, needless to say, some really, really good smut. I especially loved their first time together, but every sex scene in this story is seared in my mind.
ETHERIZED AGAINST THE SKY – Snarfle - 213k words
So, I debated whether I should add this fic or not, but I think if there is one fic that will stay in my mind long after this Shameless binge of the past couple of months it's this one, and it should absolutely become one of those fic that everyone in the fandom should read.
After Mickey gets shot by Kash his life takes a completely different direction and he ends up in a group home where, through many difficult times, he turns his life around.
So many iconic moments in this fic, some funny as fuck, some sad, some so absurd that I'm surprised they weren't lifted straight from Shameless, one so gruesome in the very first chapter that I was surprised to have such a visceral feeling from just words on a screen. Yeah, this story will stay with me for a long time.
OLD RULES FOR NEW SIDE PIECES – Shamelessquestions - 217k words
Ian is a Fed and he spots Mickey looking suspicious in an art museum, the mutual attraction is overwhelming, Mickey is not what he seems and Ian is already with someone else, but that's not gonna stop him from pursuing what he and Mickey have.
Putting it as bluntly as I can, this fic made me face the realization that I love cheating fics (if the cheating happens to someone else to bring together the endgame couple). I have already reread this fic twice and I could probably go for another one and not get tired of it, it's that good, and out of all this author's fics it's probably my favorite.
Favorite original characters in this AU: It's a three way tie between Dre, Ivan and Carrie, they're all very captivating in this story.
Other fic from this author I'd recommend cause I really love their style:
LOST IN TRANSLATION: Ian meets a very attractive man while he's in Ukraine who doesn't speak English, a mere language barrier won't stop him from flirting for hours. (adorable)
YOU MAKE ME FEEL HUMAN – Dragona - 66k words
Ian is an assassin, he meets Mickey and thus begins a very sick love story.
To say I'm obsessed with this fic is an understatement, I suggest to everyone to just go read the original author’s own description of the fic, it sets the tone of the story magnificently.
This is an Ian Gallagher that almost resembles Jerome (also played by Cameron in Gotham) but like… a slightly more subdued and saner S1/S2 version of him. I love the layers that get peeled right in front of my eyes, the madness that creeps in a bit more every chapter. I LOVE this story.
DRIED INK - 87k words
This fic combines my two favorite Gallavich-specific tropes, one being ‘Mickey comes back from prison after s6, Ian is with someone else’ and ‘Ian cheats on that someone else for Mickey’
I love the Gallaghers in this and how unsurprised they are at Ian going back to Mickey right away. It's a little jewel of a fic.
Mickey tries SO hard to stop himself and Ian in this but their love is too magnetic, they're irresistible to each other.
THE QUESTION OF NORMAL – blue_newman - 92k words
Ian is a prison counselor, Mickey is in prison, they fall in love and it's beautiful and Ian is incredibly devoted to Mickey in this fic and I fell in love with them both in this.
KINDA RAW – catgrassplantdad - 6k
Quite simply this is my favorite short pwp fic.
Illustrating those “five times” in one night that Mickey references in 11x01.
This fic is so hot, I love it <3
QUATERVOIS – DodgerBear - 51k words
Soldier Mickey gets stationed in the middle of nowhere and meets a farmer called Ian who makes him question everything.
Falling under the same umbrella of “Mickey does something crazy for Ian” fics and this is why it stuck in my mind even if it's been a while since I've read it.
I LOVE this story, their dialogues and everything that happens in it. The setting is lovely and you will fall in love with the description of Ian’s farm.
Other fic by the same author that I also loved:
BURDEN OF PROOF: Cop Mickey gets caught in a legal battle between the two oldest Gallagher brothers, something doesn't feel right though…
THE WORDS HE DOESN'T SAY: Mickey is released before Ian in s10 and has to meet a court-mandated therapist. The story is from the therapist POV and goes AU from the beginning of s10 in that Mickey gets involved back into Yev and Svetlana’s life, the dialogue is, quite obviously, the main attraction of the story and it's really well done. (Also, written in first person).
THE MENAGERIE – CrossMyDNA - 147k words
Ian decides to re-explore his bdsm preferences at The Menagerie where he meets sub extraordinaire Mickey on his very first visit.
Shameless is undoubtedly the fandom that opened my eyes to what bdsm could be back in… approx 2016? When that other popular bdsm fic was still around *ahem*.
So it definitely feels like a sign that coming back into the fandom this fic now exists and is SO GOOD.
Obviously it's very explicit, the smut in this fic is one of the best I've ever read.
The chemistry between Ian and Mickey sizzles off the screen and can absolutely be felt even in moments not of the nsfw variety, absolutely recommended!
MICKEY MILKOVICH’S GUIDE TO FLIRTING – whatwouldmickeydo - 40k words
An s2 “missing moments” between Gallavich, completely canon compliant, all under the pretense that Mickey is following a step by step guide to flirting.
I wish this fic was describing canon moments, not kidding a single bit, I wish I could somehow magically manifest these scenes into existence they're that good and fit that well into canon.
M8TE – gallawitch - 53k words
Omegaverse fic where Ian and Mickey both start using an app and end up matching with each other, even though a connection is made almost instinctively, coming to terms with it with a sound mind will take a bit longer…
Hey,had to have at least one of these on here lol
I love omegaverse and this was everything I wanted from it, couldn't have asked for anything better really <3.
SHACKLED – MyRelapse - 19k words
Ian has a change of heart and he decides that Mickey IS the one he wants, even if he's still in prison, so he keeps in contact and goes through every hoop imaginable to have him back as soon as possible.
Reading this made me so happy like I could burst, love it.
WAITING ON MY OWN TOO LONG – Ride4812 - 266k words
This rec more than any other on this list is what I'm gonna consider self indulgent because it covers the trope I always craved to read in such a satisfying way: Canon AU where Mickey comes back from prison after 8 years, Ian has found someone else but the moment the two meet again they fall back into each other right away.
The series is made up of 4 smaller fics:
One more night
Something more this time
No more lonely nights
Ain't this life so sweet
(I will point out here and nowhere else that the last installment of this series has some segment that probably needed to be re-read a couple more times, but by that point I was too invested, and the quality fluctuates a lot only in certain parts)
The writing style is very direct and to the point, which I love, the smut is very present and written beautifully and most importantly never boring.
Ian is a MESS in this fic and had me Stressed™, mostly cause for some reason I can't handle too much casual depiction of drug abuse and addiction (I know, ironic considering the fandom).
Conflicts and resolutions are never clean cut, they don't necessarily resolve quickly or definitely or the way you probably imagine they should and I find this level of realism very satisfying.
Taking a bit of space here at the end to also rec a couple other Ride4812 fics that I also loved:
COUP DE FOUDRE - A model/photographer AU where Ian and Mickey fall in love the instant they meet and do some crazy things because of that.
HOPE HE MIGHT - A lawyer AU where Ian and Mickey are on opposing sides for the same client, an interesting murder mystery steeped in a religious cult.
Generally I feel like this author is really good at depicting just how unapproachable Mickey can be to anyone that isn't called Ian Gallagher and I eat it up every time.
WHAT THE NIGHT DOES TO THE DAY – andchaos - 9k words
A Gallavich childhood friends AU with a quite original arrangement for the story and the various segments of their lives. Very satisfying read.
RANSOM – BeckyHarvey29 - 112k words
Terry sends his sons to kidnap a Gallagher child to force Frank into paying back the money he owes, unfortunately for him Mickey and his brothers kidnap Ian, and a whole other kind of story unfolds.
Mickey and Ian falling in love in this fic is such a good read. I don't wanna spoil anything of how that or the kidnapping plot goes, since the two are so intertwined. Just know that it will be worth it.
UNDER LOCK AND KEY – Suzy_Queue - 106k words
Ian is assigned the night shift at his new job where he provides spare keys to his fellow college students stuck outside their dorm rooms. To make matters worse his shift coworker is the oh so infamous Mickey Milkovich.
I am magnetized by the way this author writes their pining for each other, their attraction and obsession, how it blooms and unfolds. This fic in particular had me develop a very bad case of tunnel vision, couldn't really turn away until I finished reading it all.
I still haven't read everything this author has to offer, but so far I also loved:
INHUMAN: A mysterious force starts attacking people close to Mickey and it all seems to lead to a mysterious redhead Mickey is oh so coincidentally obsessed with. Very cool paranormal story.
THESE FOOLISH GAMES: Mickey takes over as the boss of the local branch of a trampoline park, where Ian is one of the employees, they annoy each other to no end but what they don't know is that they're secretly texting each other.
IS THERE SOMEWHERE – andchaos - 48k words
Mickey is born with no words on his skin, convinced he's going to live a life of misery cause no one will ever say the words he's destined to hear, he's not a very happy guy. Here comes mute boy Ian who crashes into his life and won't let go.
A classic Soulmate AU, I love that like in a lot of other Gallavich fics their physical connection and compatibility usually comes before their emotional one, it is one aspect that I feel distinguishes their relationship to many other fandom’s ships.
LAST NIGHT AT THE VERONA GRAND HOTEL – the_rat_wins - 27k words
Mickey starts working at an ancient hotel who's supposedly haunted. Mickey doesn't believe in ghost stories, he is much more interested in this one guest he meets at night during his shift.
What a cinematic experience this fic is! Absolutely recommended, the length of it makes it so you can read it in the same time it would take to watch the same story in movie format.
Other fics by the same authors that have impressed me:
FADE THIS ONE TO BLACK: Ian dies of overdose in a pile of snow outside the club, when Mickey finds him there he vows to do anything to get him back.
I don't know why but this fic in particular gives off the vibes of being a pilot for a ya urban fantasy TV series, except we gotta imagine everything that comes after the first episode lol
NO LIE: Ian and Mickey are Soulmates and as such they can't lie to each other. This series is short and sweet and full of feelings, perfect
PARAGRAPHS – pink_ink - 100k words
Ian becomes a reading tutor for ex-convicts, Mickey is among them and Ian starts paying him more and more attention.
This is a story where they meet under very different circumstances and where they've lived slightly different lives compared to canon and yet they're still able to find each other in the end.
Also, sign me up for every fic where Ian has to work just as hard to help Mickey and care for him as the opposite, where Ian's brand of stubbornness is the only way to get through to Mickey.
I'm also adding a couple of ongoing fics, just two to not overwhelm too much.
NONE THE WISER – Loftec - ~218k words
Ian starts visiting Mickey’s diner, it takes a while and yet no time at all to warm up to each other.
I'm captivated by the author's writing style. I love Ian's and Mickey’s relationship. I love how they sort of take their time and yet pine helplessly for each other.
I'm obsessed with the fact that the whole point of the fic doesn't appear until two thirds of the way in cause the diner scenes were just too good to pass up on lol (and I 100% agree with them).
INTRO TO QUANTUM DATING – spoonfulstar - ~563k words
Canon Mickey and Ian meet in University. A college slice of life but drenched in the casual (and not so casual) darkness of canon shameless.
The dark humor in this is fenomenal and left me gasping laughing so many times.
Unexpectedly Ian in this fic is pursuing a linguistics oriented degree, which was what I studied when I tried university, the topics are explained in such an accurate way I have to assume the author studied them themselves and that this story is somewhat a reimagining of their own college experience because if not this would be an absurd amount of accurate research to make.
Reading this fic feels like living through the American college experience from the comfort of my home lol.
As I said before, this author's way of writing does not weight you down even with its length, the story flows perfectly from one scene to the next and before you realize it you've reached the end and you have to accept that 500k words weren't even enough.
Let's end this list with some quick recommendations
WHILE WE'RE MAKING OTHER (PEOPLE'S) PLANS - kyasticlikestea
Mickey is volunteered to organize someone's else's wedding after he managed to salvage his own so well, he'll do it, but his own Southside way.
THIS IS THE ROAD TO RUIN - bricoleur10
Ian and Mickey never go to rob Ned, the story unfolds differently from there. A fix-it with a lot of Gallavich longing , very good smut and some really good dialogue.
HEY, HONEY MINE (I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME) - serveteas
Mickey talks about his crush with Iggy and accidentally pronoun-slips. Short, to the point, funny af and I just really love it. Takes place after their fight at Kash’n Grab in s2.
AGAINST GLASS - AllThatMatters
Ian gets traded from one club to another as a dancer (and more) and ends up in the Milkovich family's club. This is a Mafia!Mickey story with some pretty tight sub-plots, I love his brothers in this.
ONE OF A KIND - fckyeahgallavich
Mickey breaks his finger and it has to be set in the hospital, chaos - of the homophobic kind - ensues. Protective!Ian, I wanna hug Mickey in this.
IAN THE FRIENDLY GHOST - Ravenheart
Ian is haunting an apartment and Mickey starts living in it, Ian is maybe starting to have a crush on him. This isn't angsty!
BLOOD IN, BLEED OUT - brewrosemilk, Whatsastory
Historical AU. Perfectly innocent bystander Ian Gallagher is thrown into the affairs of the Ukrainian Mafia back in 1954, his relationship with Mickey will span decades and he won't remain innocent for long, the mafia can corrupt anyone.
TEENAGE RUNAWAY - sadwhales
Ian comes to live and finish high school with his half siblings on the South Side, he's immediately captivated by a boy sitting under the bleachers, maybe his North Side naivety will catch his attention too.
GARDEN SONG - melwrtiesthings
A glimpse into their lives in their West Side apartment, a lot of initial angst due to a manic episode and then a lot of recovery and healing and learning more about themselves.
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yae-energy · 14 days
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╰┈─✩ ˚ ‧ All the ways I love you ‧ ˚
✧˖° synopsis : The Jjk first years and their love languages !
✧˖° cast and crew : Megumi Fushiguro, Yuji Itadori & Nobara Kugisaki x Black Reader < 3
.ᐟ content warnings : General tomfoolery and mushy mush cause FUCK THE MANGA.
⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ authors note : It’s been actual decades since I’ve posted any form of writing….I feel so unseasoned LMAO. This is just a quick lil hc post, nun crazyyy 😽
Megumi “I’ll do it” Fushiguro : Acts of Service king.
Now one thing about Megumi??? He’s gonna hit you with the “I got it” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME without fail. Doesn’t matter what time of day, doesn’t matter what he’s doing, he’s gonna make sure you don’t lift a finger for anythinggg.
Is he gonna complain whilst doing it? Of course.
But that’s just true Megumi fashion. It doesn’t mean he ACTUALLY hates doing things for you. Whether that be grabbing you snacks or completing mundane tasks for you such as carrying your bag or opening doors for you, HES GONNA DO IT EVERY TIME. You don’t even have to ask.
Def brings a “if he wanted to he would” typa vibe to the relationship and obviously you appreciate it ten fold (despite the tough guy act he tries and subsequently fails to put on. He loves him some you.) And what better way can he show that than through actions?
They speak louder than words, right?
Yuji “I love you” Itadori : Words of Affirmation goat
Ok y’all listen here, this boy is a certified yapper through and mf through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to you.
He will never fail to let you— or anyone for that matter, know just how much he loves you and appreciates your presence. You’re like some sort of higher being to him, the best thing since sliced bread if you will.
All day everyday he’s spouting all sorts of “I love you” and “I’m so lucky to have you 🥲” and he’s gonna get emotional EVERY TIME. Like he won some sort of award (the prize being you of course.) And that doesn’t even include the impromptu monologues about how you’ve changed him for the better, and how glad he is to even have someone as amazing as you.
He loves you REAL BAD, why wouldn’t he tell you?
He’d scream it from the rooftops if he could.
Nobara “Look what I got you” Kugisaki : Gift giving queen
Now, I personally consider Nobara to be a mixture of quality time and gift giving, but I’m leaning more with the latter because damn is she a great gifter.
Not only does she love spending money (me too girl, me too.) But, she LOVESSSSS you. Two birds with one stone she’d say, because she loves having an excuse to drop a couple dollars and make you happy in the process.
If she sees you eyeing something while window shopping? It’s yours automatically— whether you actually intended to buy it or not. She’s not good with the whole “lovey dovey” schtick, that’s just not her style. But to make up for it, she makes sure that you have whatever you want when you want it, even if you express she doesn’t HAVE to.
SHE WANTS TO, and you can’t tell her otherwise.
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⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ tags : - @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @ivanari @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses @chinieh @romiantic @stqrriichiigo
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if you wish to be tagged in any future works, here’s my tag form to fill out <33
if you wish to submit a request, here’s my ask box :)
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⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ closing notes : hey guys…ahahaha…
LOOK IK I SAID I WAS GONNA POST A MONTH AGO BUT LIFE WAS LIFING LMAOOO
I also got a new job now so I won’t have AS much time to post and be silly on here (not that I was super active before but yk.)
Anyhow, thanks for reading and putting up with my lying ass 😕🫶🏽
Love y’all BOOTS DOWN
Mwah 💋
- Xoxo, Yves
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Not gonna lie, with the Spot’s upcoming time mucking shenanigans as suggested by the flashes of the future in Miles’ vision, I would not be surprised if the dimensional collapsing theorized by Miguel to come from averting too many “Canon Events” will turn out to be a side effect of something the Spot will either do himself or set up to screw with Miles.
Particularly, with how much his origin monologue to Miles and Jeff centered around the idea that he made Spider-Man and vice versa, note how incredibly well that mentality would dovetail with Miguel and the Spider Society’s belief that the “Canon Events” are what made them Spider-Man.
@kindaorangey has a good post pointing out how the Spot’s mindset of “filling the hole with more holes” is a pretty apt metaphor for the way Miles, Gwen, and likely the other spider people diving into the identity of Spider-Man as a crutch for dealing with the isolation caused by said identity, but suffice to say, OP and @sir-adamus had these tags which I'd like to use as a jumping pad:
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For this, we can analyze Miguel and Spot as two sides of the same coin, where Miguel’s side is about allowing canon events to play out through inaction, and Spot's side could potentially lead up to (as a side effect of his grudge against Miles) actively ensuring that only those canon events happen, with any deviations that don't fit into their views being cast aside.
The former position projects personal traumas as absolutely necessary and destined to happen onto others, the latter position rejects any possibility that things could go differently in a quite literal manner. But in the end, both ultimately are about "filling in the hole with more holes" and dictating what Miles "should" be like.
Miguel doesn’t think Miles is a real Spider-Man and that him becoming Spider-Man was a mistake that never should have happened, all from his obsessive mentality surrounding Canon Events. He and by extension the other Spider-Men stuck in their hole of guilt and fatalism, surrounding themselves with other Spider-Men stuck in their holes of trauma and grief to where they have formed an echo chamber that tells them Miles cannot save his father's life and that they cannot do anything to save people anymore.
And in the Spot's case, the metaphor already came from him, but it's all about obsessively centering his new, lonely existence around being not just A, but THE nemesis to Miles' Spider-Man. He lost everything and has nothing except his connection to Spider-Man. To fill that hole, he's not only only making himself a villain that Miles will actually respect. He's going to try his damnedest to make sure that Miles reaches his full potential as Spider-Man just like he talked about in Mumbattan, and fill the hole with more holes in Miles' life until Miles is devoid of everything except the Spot.
Given the flashes of future events in Miles’ vision, if and when the Spot inevitably hears about Miguel's theory of Canon Events, it would only be fitting if the Spot retroactively becomes responsible for all the previous dimensional destruction the Spider-Society dealt with. And thus, Miguel's theory obsession would be its own recursive creator.
A vicious cycle of telling themselves that things have to happen a certain way, of blaming uncontrollable circumstances on something they think they can and should control, and of refusing to let go of the spiral they've fallen into.
After all, Miles already had an Uncle Ben-type event and the Spot is trying to set up a Captain Stacy-type event. Since the logical conclusion to the themes of Miles choosing what kind of Spider-Man he wants to be and not allowing preventable tragedies to happen would be that Jeff lives, well…
It would only be narratively fitting for the Spot to try to set up a Gwen Stacy event later down the line.
Because if Miles being bit and the Spot getting caught up in the collider wasn't destiny, if the intersection of their lives was simply due to circumstances they had no control over, if the dimensional collapses weren't because preventing Canon Events is inherently destabilizing to reality in of itself, then Miguel and the Spot would have to look inwards and actually try to figure out how to fill the holes in their lives.
So Miguel tells himself that what he does has to be done, that only he is strong enough to do it, and that everyone should follow his lead and stop caring.
As for the Spot?
If he fails to kill Jeff and Gwen, and when it's proven to everyone else that Canon Events are not required lynchpins of reality like Gwen found, he might just decide to try to make them actual lynchpins across time and space.
Or at least, making it so that the only realities that can exist are ones where those events happen.
Aka trying to forcibly changing the multiverse so suffering huge tragedy becomes an inherently integral part of Spider-Man the concept, rather than a mere possibility. So many Spider-Men and their dimensions getting hurt in the crossfire, and all in the process of targeting Miles Morales specifically.
Truly, it would be quite resonant if and when the Spider-Society let and help Miles get to save his Captain and Gwen Stacy. Beating the Spot would no longer be about the concept of stopping a threat to the multiverse and their canon events, but about metaphorically ending the cycle of suffering and finding a way to move forwards beyond the guilt. They probably can’t actually change the past, but with this, they can fight to prevent it from happening to others.
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