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michibap · 2 months

Text

cool for the summer ch.1

polytedschlatt

beach house

childhoodbff ted

5k words 💀

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-Ted had been promising you a road trip for forever

-literally since high school.

-And honestly he’s a little scared that if he puts it off any longer, you might actually show up at his front door with a firearm

-So, your post-grad celebration was the perfect excuse to hit the road with you!

-You, and a few other friends (who actually stuck to school while everyone else dropped out to focus on their social media careers) had finally earned their degrees

-So, the gang decided to rent out a house on the east coast for a week to celebrate and finally see each other after having gone basically off the grid for the past couple of months to wrap up finals

-The minute the reservation was confirmed, you were already on the phone with Ted, trying to find plane tickets for the two of you so that you wouldn’t have to brave LAX on your own

-You had the phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear, rapidly scrolling through the website to find a flight that was equally as cheap as it was survivable

-You’d sent him countless clips of public freakouts and doors flying off mid-flight on spirit, but here you were, mouse hovering over the check-out button

“I don’t know dude, it’s literally $45 round trip…” you muttered, anxiously biting the nail of your thumb

“We will actually fucking die.”

“Then we’ll die with dignity. Our final stand against Big Aviation.”

“Right, of course. Dying by fire is really sticking it to the man.”

-He hears you inhale, about to continue arguing before he finally intervened

- “I was actually wondering if you maybe wanted to drive?”

-The other line goes quiet, and he actually worries for a moment that you’re going to say no

-And then he hears the three beeps signifying the call has been ended

-And his stomach drops to his ass

-ohshitohshitohshitohshitthisissoembarassingfuckshit

-Before he has the chance to spiral too far, the black screen he had been staring at himself in lights up with an incoming facetime

-He quickly swipes and prepares to explain himself but before he has the chance you’re already off on your own tangent

- “Are you actually serious? Because if you’re fucking with me you’re actually sick and twisted.”

-Your face is close to the screen, admittedly looking a little haggard after finals had done you in, hair messy, under eyes dark, and skin pale from not seeing the light of day after basically locking yourself in the campus library for days at a time

-Either way, he couldn’t bite back his smile at the sight of ur cute lil face

- “You’re right, that was mean.”

-He watches the excitement in your eyes dim and he knows you’re about to hang up-

- “WAITWAITWAIT IM SORRY IM JOKING” he pleads, knowing for a fact that you WILL hang up and possibly even put your phone in airplane mode for remainder of the day

- protecting your peace, as you call it

- luckily, you showed mercy and heard him out

-and very excitedly agreed to him picking you up two days prior to the first day of the reservation so that you could make the 37 hour drive from LA to wherever the fuck the house is (not accounting for stops, of course)

-He was kind of guilty that you guys didn’t have a fun goal or theme for the trip like there have been for others, you assured him you had no problem playing it by ear

-So, before the two of you even knew it, the first day of your expedition rolled around

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-It was the morning of, and Ted was enroute to your place, braving the two hour ride caffeine-free because you had pleaded with him to get a “fun little drink” from a newly opened coffee shop near your house

-He had been griping at the camera set up on his dashboard in the meantime

-content AND a healthy release so he wouldn’t be snappy once he picked you up

-So by the time he finally pulled up to the front of your house (and grumbled a bit about your shitty parking situation), he was only little cranky

-But when your front door finally opened after he sent the text to let you know he had arrived, all of it was washed away

-You were bright and bushy tailed, looking like life had breathed back into you after finals had drained you of all your whimsy

-You were dressed comfortably, in an old tank and sweatpants that were a bit too big on you, so you rolled the waistband up

-He pointedly ignored how low they hung on your hips

-After a moment he remembered he had to be filming, and whipped out his phone to film you bouncing to the Tacoma with a bright smile, duffle bag slung over your shoulder

-Your roommate was standing in the door with her girlfriend, both of them with a cat in arm, making their little paws wave goodbye

-Ted laughed, zooming in on them for a moment before your face was right up in the camera

- “Good morning.” you greeted, rather formally

- He gave you a strange look, “...Hi.”

-You stepped up on the truck’s running board and stuck your head into the window, looking for the camera you knew would be on the dashboard,

- “Hi.” you greeted the viewers as well

- “Alright, get outta here” He chided, placing his palm on your forehead and pushing you back out the window, ignoring your disturbed “AGH!”

- “Put your shit in the trunk and let’s get this show on the road!”

-After giving you instructions on how to actually open the trunk, he turned to acknowledge the camera while you loaded your bag up

- “Alright, guys, hostage acquired. We’ve got 37+ hours until we-”

-He should have rolled up the goddamn window.

-Instead of entering through the designated passenger side door

- you decided to hurl yourself through the driver’s window

-There was a moment of chaos as you tried to climb over both him and the center console, a mess of sharp knees and elbows, all that could be heard was incomprehensible bickering, manic laughter, and an occasional “OW”

-Once you were both settled, rather than providing any further explanation, Ted shut off the camera.

- “So where’s this coffee place you wouldn't quit yapping about?”

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-After about fifteen minutes and MORE unpleasant parking situations, you finally found yourselves in a very cute cafe with comfy chairs, lots of plants, and a handwritten menu that neither of you could read

“The Lana Del Rey?” you read excitedly, having taken a photo of the menu so you could zoom in

“I don’t know…” He hummed, reading over your shoulder, “I think I’m just gonna get a caramel macchiato”

-You booed, getting on his ass for not trying something new

“I just want something I know I’m gonna like, you know?”

- you only disapprovingly shook your head, clicking your tongue

-You two ordered your drinks along with a couple of fun pastries

-And much to Ted’s pleasure, you ate your fucking words as the two of you watched the barista make your drinks

-The underpaid teenager crafting a beautiful macchiato for Ted, and for you…

- You watched in horror as they cracked open a can of coke, pouring it over the ice in the cup with your name on it, before topping it off with two shots of espresso.

“You’ll have to let me know if it’s good! It’s a new menu item, I’ve been a little scared to try it myself” they laughed, handing you the cup of murky, bubbling liquid.

- You took the cup with an awkward laugh and a thanks before making your way back to the tacoma, biting back giggles at the thought of consuming such a concoction.

-When you get back in the vehicle, Ted turns the camera back on with the explanation that the internet NEEDS a review of the Lana Del Rey flavored beverage.

“Alright guys, we’ve got our little drinkies for the road, but first I think we need a taste test.” He says with a giddy laugh, he’s always been a sucker for kitchen potions, which is exactly what you ordered

“Our total was $30 for two drinks and two pastries-” you deadpanned

“Thank you Mr. Biden!” you both sang, before breaking into giggles

“Okay, okay, we actually need to taste these.”

- You decided to try Ted’s first, both of you pleasantly unsurprised that the caramel macchiato was decent

-Then you both took a bite of each pastry, thoughtfully humming before trying to explain what was going on

-Then finally, your drink…

-Ted eagerly watched as you gingerly took a lil sip before flinching back, and watched as your expression shifted from disgust to confusion to surprise then back to confusion

-Once you come back to you give him a bewildered expression before going right back in for another sip and going through the process over again

- “Fuckin gimme that” he snatched the drink out of your hand and took a sip himself and had basically the same exact reaction

- You both take a moment to process before,

- “We can share.”

- “Yes, we can share.”

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-Relative to other trips he’s taken, two days is basically nothing, and goes by in an almost disappointingly quick blur

-He did basically all of the driving the first day, allowing you to relax and enjoy the scenery

-For the first hour you both sang obnoxiously to the playlist you’d been crafting together for years in preparation for your first actual road trip

-Then once your voices got a bit raw the volume was turned down with the intention of having nonverbal time, just for you to go on to yap about basically nothing and also everything (?) for another three hours

-At one point, you get a little cold for a tank top with how cold Ted keeps the truck to keep his sweat at bay, and you unbuckle so you can rummage through the back seat for a sweatshirt, coming back donning a hoodie of Ted’s that he hasn’t seen in weeks.

-It’s not unusual to see you in his clothes, but the combination of having gone a while without seeing you and the hoodie reemerging from the abyss left him a little discombobulated

-Definitely does not have to do with how cozy you look, a little flushed from the effort of rummaging in the back seat, your hair tousled from pulling the sweatshirt over your head, and swamped in excess fabric

“Where the fuck did you find that??”

“Back seat.”

“Huh, I haven’t seen that thing in a while. It’s probably been in the back seat for a solid month at least.”

“Yeah, that tracks. Smells like it.”

“Fuck off”.

-Eventually, the conversation lulls to an end and you’re both left in a comfortable silence

-That is, until he hears five quick clicks from the passenger seat

-You both side eye each other for a moment, before you break out into a sheepish smile and pull the pen out of your pocket, holding it out to him

“You want?”

“I’m driving.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

- He shook his head with a smile, “I will later, we’re gonna have all week to be deviants”

“Also, I’m not smoking and driving, you fucking psycho.”

- You only simpered in response, shrugging as you take a drag and blowing it out the window

-once you’re decently high, you lounge in the passenger seat, head comfortably rested on where you have your arms folded on ledge of the window

-dazedly enjoying the scenery and the wind in your hair and blowing on your face as you hum along to the music on the radio

-and ted just smiles to himself, enjoying your company

-relieved that the two of you were able to fall back into sync easily after going so long without seeing one another or talking much

-not because of bad blood or anything, more-so life just taking the two of you in separate directions

-after high school, you’d moved to the west coast for school

-though as proud of you as he was, and as much fun as he had with his own college experience, he wouldn’t deny that there was a part of him that wishes you’d decided to stay closer

-just because he was able to handle the naturally growing distance between the two of you like a mature adult would, does NOT mean he enjoyed it

-during your time apart, he has met some of his closest friends who he would follow to the ends of the earth [threateningly]

-but no matter how hard he tries, he’s never been able to replicate how at home he felt with you

-while he was building up the courage to ask you to come on this trip with him, part of him was worried that it would be different now

-i mean, both of you were grown

-no longer elementary schoolers fighting with stick swords and having sleepovers, or teenagers bursting into each other’s houses and being asked by teachers where the other was when one of you was absent

-and both of you had developed significantly from then

- it would only make sense for the dynamic to have shifted at least a little bit

-and maybe it has

-but he glances over to where you have your hand dangling out of the window, your cheek comfortably squished against your shoulder as you doze off

-and decides that maybe he doesn’t mind

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-when y’all finally rock up to the motel you’d been planning on spending the night in, you’re both apprehensive

-the bright orange paint smeared on the cement building had become dingy and and brownish, and the office where you checked in had a strange funk to it

-and of COURSE the room only had one bed, which both of you could have tolerated, having done it before without issue

(you were rated your friend group’s politest sleeper, but ted knew it was only because you sleep like a corpse, dead to the world and unmoving once you’re knocked. but it pairs nicely with ted, who is a notorious sleep talker and tends to toss and turn)

- you anxiously insist (ie FORCE) ted to pull the corner of the mattress up to check for bed bugs (after he had tried to assure you there were none)

-he tries to make you do it, with the excuse that he has to film, but you snag the camera out of his hands and begin filming

-later when he checks the footage, it’s a shaky recording of him being like “There’s really nothing to worry about, this is clearly a trustworthy establishment” as he waltzes over to the dingiest mattress you have ever seen

-he goes to cockily lean on it, but has he pops his hip and settles a hand on the corner

-a fuckign MOUSE skitters out from under the pillows at the head of the bed, scampering dangerously close past ted’s hand before it hides under the mattress

-resulting in both of you shrieking, ted almost falling as he clumsily stumbles away from the dinky mattress, the camera shaking wildly as it records you leaving him to die and booking it out of the room

-Needless to say, the two of you decide to sleep in the car.

-ted tries to make the best of it, insisting that you guys sleep in the bed of the truck and pretend you’re camping

-he even drives another hour to find a scenic rest stop to settle at

-two find yourselves shoulder to shoulder on the uncomfortably bumpy truck bed, duffel bags for pillows

-after hearing the angry shuffling of your sleeping bag and another huff as you turn over, ted can’t help but open his fat fucking mouth to try and defend the situation

“It’s like we’re old timey pioneer pals, out on the road,” he brings a hand up to reach for the admittedly beautiful night sky (which tracks, seeing the two of you are in BUTTFUCK NOWHERE),

“camping under the stars, out in nature, reconnecting with-”

-he’s cut off by the not necessarily distant sound of a pack of yipping coyotes

-after the raucous ends, both of you are sitting at attention, nervously looking out at the desolate landscape surrounding you, before looking at each other

-by the end of the night, the two of you end up getting a solid three hours of sleep after you drove another two hours and settled in a walmart parking lot, taking extra precautions by doing all of these strange “lifehacks” you had seen truckers on tiktok using

(the two of you groggily struggled untangling the seatbelts from the sidebars in the morning)

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-needless to say, both of you were a little grumpy the next morning

-ted insists he drives to the first rest station, the both of you agreeing that once you’re fed and caffeinated that you would do a good chunk of the driving today

-the two of you grab bad gas station iced coffees (ted side eyes you as you grab a concerning number of redbulls as well, but decides against making a comment when you glare)

-he settles into the passenger seat as you sync your phone to the car, so you could use your own gps and listen to your music, and ted would be allowed to catch up on all of the iphone time he had missed while he was driving yesterday

-however, he found himself unable to enjoy the internet

-seeing that he has one hand tightly gripping the grab bar (i call it the ‘o shit’ bar but i think that's the proper name), the other shakily reaching across the center console to feed you the donut holes the two of you had decided to share

-though he misses and smudges some of the powdered sugar on your face, too busy anxiously watching as you weave through traffic at what was definitely an illegal speed

“Dude, watch it!” you grumble around a mouthful of dry, cakey gas station donut

-ted pales when the truck swerves as you take one hand off the wheel so you can take a sip of your watery coffee

“How the fuck do you still have your license?”

-you lips curl into an impish grin as you use one hand to once again shift lanes, and the back of the other to wipe your mouth

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

-a couple of hours later, ted catches a few text notifications from a familiar number pop up on your phone where it’s nestled in a phone holder on the dashboard

-he glances over and sees you see it, before shifting in your seat, taking one hand off the wheel to bite at your thumb

-ted hums, an entertained grin spreading across his lips as he watches you squirm under the combined pressure of your itch to answer your phone and ted’s knowing gaze,

“You gonna answer that?” he teases

AND I AM GOING TO PREFACE THIS BY SAYING:

-maybe it’s a little weird how invested he is in your relationship

-in his defense, it was originally his way of extending an olive branch out to you after an extended period of radio silence on both of your ends

-maybe a girlfriend of his wasn’t a huge fan of you (lord only knows why), and at her request the two of you go your own ways for a while

-which sucked, especially considering that the two of you were HYPED to be living on the same side of the country again

-while it was unfortunate, you respected her wishes (no matter how badly part of him wishes you hadn’t)

-both of you were left with an absurdly large amount of free time that usually would have been spent together

-he pretended it didn’t sting to watch from afar as you easily fill the space, making new connections, picking up new hobbies and brushing up on some old ones, thriving at school and working towards your future career

-so it felt like an obscure crossover when his co-host and dearest friend mentioned your name in passing

-maybe ted had been lowkey tuning him out, smiling and nodding as he prattled on, but it was like everything came to a screeching halt when he heard your name come out of schlatt’s mouth

-after making him repeat himself, he ignored the odd twist in his stomach in turn for smugness

-he had KNOWN the two of you would have some sort of connection when he introduced you to one another a while back, with both of you having an affinity for getting under people’s skin a shared sense of vicious competitiveness

-he really didn’t mean to become as involved in your relationship as he had

-Schlatt being into you seemed like his sign from the universe to reach back out to you, both to break the silence between both of you, and for scheming purposes (duh)

-as a messy bitch who lives for drama, of course he was playing both sides

-eagerly listening to you rant about schlatt before getting on call with him to act coy about knowing something that he doesn’t, and doing it the other way around with you

-MAYBE he got in a little too deep when his own relationship began to get a bit rocky, distracting himself with his new mission of hooking up two of his closest friends

-so it really wasn’t his fault that when he finally broke it off with his ex, it was so easy to fill his newfound free time with the two of you

-whether it be with either of you individually, or the three of you hopping online to play games together

-and besides,

-it would be much more weird if the two of you didn’t encourage it as much as you did

“Do it for me?” you ask, glancing over at him

-he grins, picking up his own phone to shoot his friend a quick text about being a “d1 cheeser” and provide some updates about how your travels thus far

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-ted insists that the two of you stop for an early lunch, needing a break from your notoriously bad driving

“I’m not bad, look!” you argue, pointing to the screen, “Could a bad driver shave three hours off of our ETA?”

“That’s insane.”

-of course the two of you make all of the fun stops for any interesting attractions, taking photos and recording some of your little side quests

-trying fun local restaurants when u guys drive thru cute lil towns :’)

-but the hours on the road all blend together, and before either of you know it, you’ve made it to the beach house you’ll be staying at

-the house is empty when the two of you walk in

-after checking the designated groupchat you learn it’s because they’d already gone to dinner, not knowing when you guys would show up

-so the two of you decide to unpack before you go and get something for yourselves

-you follow him up a scary spiral staircase, laughing when he hits his head

-he gives you a strange look when you follow him into his room

-he assumes it’s a force of habit, with the two of you having been automatically designated roommates since elementary school

-but it’s replaced with excitement when you open what he thought was a closet door,

-but it was a fucking CONNECTING DOOR BETWEEN THE TWO OF UR ROOMS

-it’s a good thing the house was empty aside from the two of you, because your cheering definitely would have disturbed anybody else inside

-technically it was a jack and jill bathroom (both bedrooms have access), but it was still exciting nonetheless

-after unpacking, the two of you set out to find dinner, eventually deciding to just get takeout from a random diner

-you two have had the same fool proof order for forever: ted will get a burger and you’ll get a chicken sandwich (you HAVE to make sure you ask for them to be cut down the middle, so you each of you can have half), one large fry and a milkshake to share, and ted will get a rootbeer while you order a cherry coke

-both of you decide to bring the greasy bag back to the house and eat it on the beach, which is accessed through a small path in the backyard

-the two of you settle on a paddleboard that had been left on the sand, brushing shoulders as you eat in a comfortable silence, occasionally passing the milkshake back and forth (it was ted’s turn to choose the flavor, so ofc he chose oreo)

-you stand up when you finish a couple of minutes after him (he’s always been the faster eater), and he looks up at you expectantly, holding out a hand for you to pull him up by

-both of you break into another fit of giggles when you struggle to haul him up, stumbling backwards and planting your ass in the sand when he releases you

-you make your way back to the house, delighted to see that the lights are now on and to hear the sound of music and your friends chattering inside

-eager to join them, the two of you race back to the house, you win, though ted is hot on your heels

-your friends cheer when the two of you burst in through the back door

-you all exchange welcome hugs and congratulations to the few other graduates who were able to come, before settling on the couch

-it’s a bit of a tight squeeze, but you’re happy to squish yourself between ted and niki, going nonverbal as you enjoy the sound of idle chatter and watch the smash bros tournament happening on the TV

-a little spacey after a long day of traveling, but enjoying the company

-as everyone prepares to head to bed, your phone lights up with an incoming facetime call from schlatt

-the crowd regroups, surrounding you as you swipe to answer

-you don’t even get the chance to greet him, interrupted by a chorus of hellos from your friends

-you grin, content to sit back and listen once more, before your attention is drawn back to the phone when jay calls your name,

“I should be there tomorrow afternoon. Don’t wash.”

-ted groans from where he’s sitting next to you,

“You two are sick.”

-you only laugh, “I’ll keep it ripe for you, babygirl.”

-ted pretends to retch when schlatt brings the phone close to his face, aggressively ‘sniffing you through the screen’ before throwing his head back with a groan

-with a final giggle, you bid him goodnight before hanging up and heading upstairs

-ted showers first, both of you knowing that he takes less time and won’t use up all of the hot water on you (this was a hard lesson to learn, ted having had to take an unreasonable amount of cold showers before coming to the conclusion that he just had to go first)

-he’s laying in bed, his laptop propped up on his stomach as he edits some of the footage from the drive

-he looks up when he hears the connecting door open, finding you in the doorway in your pajamas with wet hair

-he raises an entertained brow,

“You’ve washed.”

“Dude, I smelled like an abandoned chuck e cheese.”

-he makes no move to correct you as you crawled onto the bed like you owned the place, settling across from him on your designated side and scrolling on your phone

-both of you are content with parallel play time, but when it hits 1am, he glances over and finds you knocked out, phone resting on your chest as it gently rises and falls

–he grins, taking his phone out to snap a picture, unable to resist an opportunity to catch you lacking

-he goes to send it to schlatt, but pauses, his finger hovering over the send button for a moment

-it is objectively strange to send his best friend (your boyfriend) a picture of you sleeping in his bed

-and if it was anyone else, he was sure he wouldn’t dare

-but if it was anyone else, you wouldn’t be in his bed in the first place

-he decides to send it

-laughing when he receives a text back not even a few seconds later

schlagg: dubious creature

schlagg: i was wondering why she stopped answering

-he places his phone on the bedside table before reaching over and tearing the pillow out from under your head and whacking you with it

-having to thwack you a couple of times to wake you up

-when you do, you slowly sit up, groggily wiping your eyes with the back of your hand

“What is your problem?” you grumble, turning to blearily glare at him

-he really has no clue how your hair manages to become so wild the minute your head touches a pillow

-especially considering that you couldn’t have been sleeping for more than an hour, tops

“You gotta go.”

-you stare dumbly up at him, and he can practically see the cogs in your brain turning as you struggle to wake back up,

“What?”

“Go!” he laughs, bringing the pillow up to whack you again, but this time you block it, “Begone!”

-you stand up on wobbly legs,

“Jesus, fine. I’m going.” you mutter, shuffling towards the door

-you pause in the doorway, turning to face him,

“I’m keeping this open.”

-he’s unable to bite back another knowing smile, you’ve always had trouble sleeping in unfamiliar places without somebody by your side

“Fine. Now go on, git!”

-he watches you pad into your own room sending him a pathetic look over your shoulder before crawling under the blankets

-and admittedly, you do look lonely in that big bed

-all by your lonesome

-but before he gets the chance to conjure up any other courses of action, you turn off your light

-ted follows suit before rolling onto his side and falling asleep to the sound of the ocean outside and the faint sound of your even breathing from across the hall

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this may be my peak actually, idek if im gonna write another chapter for this

if i do it wont be out for a while

but it may be out eventually (key word), so if you enjoyed this keep an eye out i suppose

lowkey it was supposed to be my masterwork like i have this shit all planned out, its just a matter of transferring it from my brain to tumblr

also hockeygf smut is coming guys its just so hard bc fucking a man in theory is fine but in practice??? why god PLEASE like where is your coochie what am i supposed to do with this

#jschlatt x reader #jschlatt x y/n #jschlatt x you #schlatt x reader #schlatt x y/n #schlatt x you #ted nivison x reader #ted nivison x y/n #ted nivison x you

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