#'i dont wanna stay so im fucking up everything' fun fact! if youre somewhere you dont like you can just leave! you dont need to sabatoge

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

going from UK The Traitors to US The Traitors is like dining out at a fucking three michelin star restaurant one night and having a fucking delectable meal and the next day reheating day-old mcdonalds and one of your nuggets has one of those hard bits that make you pause mid chew bc it felt weird

[troop52]

do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

[dazed--xx]

Beside you

Request: Hello could I have an arranged marriage with Jungkook with a bit of angst but fluff at the end. Thank you xx

Summary: "You may kiss the bride" The hesitation evident on his face. My heart is racing and reality sets in “um…Jungkook?” He rolls his eyes and places a light kiss on my lips. His lips brush against my ear as he whispers “Just know this will be the last time you ever get to kiss me." 

Genre: ANGST, light fluff, smut

TW: None

Word Count: 5,092

A/N: SO i know you specifically asked for fluff at the end but i dont think this is the end of this i might make a part 2 if part 1 gets enough traction any way. I hope you enjoy the few bits i did do from what you asked REQUESTS ARE OPEN 

edit: REWRITE UPLOADED 10/13/2021

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““You may kiss the bride” The hesitation evident on his face. My heart is racing and reality sets in “um…Jungkook?” He rolls his eyes and places a light kiss on my lips. His lips brush against my ear as he whispers “Just know this will be the last time you ever get to kiss me.” Tears begin stinging my eyes, as we walk down the aisle as an officially married couple, hand and hand, much to Jungkook’s dismay. We rush through the double doors of the church and disappear in the car placed in the front if the building of worship.   

Once we got in the car Jungkook retracted his hand and the empty feeling takes over again. Jungkook doesn’t love me this is just a business inconvenience to him. IM just some stupid business deal, something for Jungkook to correct as he does with all his other projects, only difference is I’m not some company he can break apart and sell. I’m a person as much as he refuses to accept it. Since our fathers have agreed the only way Jungkook would be able to acquire and run my father’s company is if I become is wife as some type of fail-safe of preventing Jungkook from selling off the company and running away like he’s done so often after his business dealings. 

At the reception Jungkook disappeared as soon as we walked through the door. To the bar as expected of him to drink as I’m in need of liquid courage to make it through the rest of the night. Slowly I make my way around the room greeting Jungkook’s family, as he sits with the vixen of a bartender, a sensual smile plastered on his face with a rum and coke in his hand. “Y/N you have to tell me… are you and my Jungkookie going to give me grandchildren.” His mother asks smile on her face, excitement evident. I feel the words get caught in my throat, GRANDCHILDREN? WITH HOW HE TREATS ME…...? HELL, NO THAT MAN IS NOT TOUCHING ME. As if on cue my eyes shift to look for Jungkook at the bar but he and the bartender are no longer there. Of fucking course, he took HER somewhere to fuck at OUR wedding.  Almost immediately after your disappointment of a wedding, you’re shipped off on your honeymoon. You spend most days in Mykonos, alone Jungkook wanting to explore Greece with beautiful Greek women.  

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The last night of your honeymoon Jungkook crashes in your shared room drunk off his ass, a loud laugh escaping his lips as he shushes the mirror next to the entrance. “Fuck be quiet Jungkook don’t wake up Y/N remember” He scolds himself. You can hear the childish groan that releases from his lip “No I wanna wake up Y/N.” Your eyebrows furrow, at his drunken figure. Did he not see you on the couch? “Jungkook?” you asked confused. His head whipping around quickly; a huge smile plastered on his face “Y/N!! I got you wine and a couple of more things” He exclaims staggering across the room “I-I shouldn’t be the only one having fun on our honeymoon right” taking a seat right next to you on the couch as he drops a brown bag in your lap. “O-oh um” “Please.... I wanna have fun with you, it’s so boring to keep talking to people I don’t understand and don’t understand me.” You sit there in shock just staring at his openly chatty self “Please take some shots get drunk with me you never let loose” He begs as he reaches in the bag on your lap pulling out some nips.  

After a while you and Jungkook find your drunken selves on the beach, Jungkook laughing as you struggle to walk with the sand beneath your feet. Music rang in the air from one of the clubs near your villa, “Dance with me Y/N” Jungkook exclaims as he grabs your hand pulling you into his frame. His hands finding their way to your waist, guiding them against his hips. A soft groan releases from his lips as your drunken form begins dancing to the music. Turning yourself around pressing your ass against his now hard member.  

Both of you completely oblivious to the sensual way your bodies move against each other. Jungkook's hands firmly placed on your waist, His head resting on your shoulder as your hand reaches behind you. You find your fingers interlocking with his hair. His right hand wrapping around your chin as he angles your head so you are facing him. “I’m having a lot of fun Y/N” lips centimeters apart, the scent of whiskey, and vodka radiating off of him. ‘Brown and clear...You’re gonna have one hell of a day tomorrow Kookie’, you thought. His eyes drift to your lips as he brushes his thumb over your bottom lip. Your lips part slightly, his bottom lip finding its way in between his teeth as he leans in.  

‘He’s drunk Y/N you can’t take advantage of that he would be ignoring you right now if he wasn’t,’ you tell yourself trying to find the strength to reject his advances despite everything inside of you screaming to let him kiss you. 

You pull away quickly “I-I should get to bed I'm really tired” you state shyly as you rush back toward your villa. Jungkook’s trailing behind you, Once you reach your villa he finally speaks “thank you” you turn to look at him confused “F-for what?” 

He smiles “Hanging out with me, I don’t know being my friend even though I don’t really deserve it” You look at him sadly “You’ve been going through a lot being forced to marry someone you don’t love or can't even stand” He furrows his brows as he shakes his head “I can stand you Y/N, What I can’t stand is the fact that my father cares so little about me that he basically sold me off to your family. You had nothing to do with that you were a pawn in this just as much as I was” You nod slightly “I want us to try to be friends again, Jungkook” He rubs the back of his head looking at the ground “We haven’t been friends this entire time” 

“No idiot I meant like when we were in high school, except for the revenge porn stuff” You state matter of factly. You can see the way Jungkook shifts on his feet, anxious at the memory. “Oh- yeah of course you were my best friend and I really hated losing you like that honestly I was going-” You smile at him softly “Well we should get to bed, you’re really drunk and the past is the past we should leave it there no point in bringing up old possibly painful memories for both of us” You turn yourself around and make your way over to the bedroom in your shared villa. Since, you both have gotten to Greece you have been the one to sleep in the grandiose bed. You can hear Jungkook tossing and turning on the couch, since for the first time in 2 weeks Hes actually sleeping in your shared villa. You make your way out of bed and approach him “You should take the bed Kookie, you'll be really uncomfortable if you don’t and being hungover in an uncomfortable place isn't fun.”  

“N-no” He slurs, “T-the bed I-is for you it’s the least I can do since I’ve been a dick” You shake your head rapidly, yes you were a little tipsy but Jungkook was FADED; You still can’t help the way your heart races at his politeness. “I’ve slept in it every day so far, I don’t mind the couch tonight” Jungkook crosses his arms and pouts “S-so you don’t want to sleep next to me” you stare at him confused “I-I haven’t the whole trip Kook-ah" “I know” the pout on his face staying there “I wanted you to though, I hated waking up in some random room or house with a woman whose name I can’t pronounce” He whispered “Why did you then?”  

He groans as he stands up, grabbing your hand in the process and dragging both of your figures to the room. Jungkook continued to mumble under his breath. You can only catch the last bit of what he’s saying “I want to sleep next to you” you are about to say something when he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you in to the large bed. “I want to hold you” He drunkly confesses “We used to cuddle all the time before; now you don’t even look at me and I hate it.” Youre stuck in a trance as he rubs circles on your waist. “I miss you Y/N I was so happy when my –hiccup- dad told me I was marrying you.” “You treated me like trash the whole time” you mutter. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you again, you only get hurt when I do” he whispers. “Jungkoo-” Your statement is cut off by his light snores and shallow breaths; He’s sleeping.  

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After your honeymoon you and Jungkook’s relationship has improved. He helped you move your things into the home his parents bought for us. Honestly none of us could even believe Jungkook actually came to the wedding let alone stayed in the house were supposed to share. 

 I’ve taken over the second bedroom to gain some solace from the hurricane that is his temper. There were days I would be greeted with Jungkook’s beautiful smile and the calmness would contain me. Others I’d walk out of my room and have a foreign object thrown in my direction. Jungkook and I would hang out on those days and talk until the sunset. Every morning I would have a cup of Jungkook’s favorite tea ready and set for him to begin his day properly.   

One morning I woke up extremely early, honestly at an ungodly hour. Tonight, was a particularly bad night, after our drunken adventure in Greece, Jungkook's drunken form rarely sought me out. Tonight, I figured would be no different. Until Jungkook came in the house and began taking his anger at our situation out on me. “YOU! YOU FUCKING DID THIS TO ME. YOURE THE REASON I CAN’T LIVE MY DAMN LIFE FUCK Y/N WHY CAN’T YOU MAKE THIS EASIER FOR ME AND DISAPPEAR” He shouted at you, deciding it was best to just ignore him and go to your bedroom. I can hear as he slams his bedroom door behind him.  

 After many attempts to fall asleep fail, I decide to go for a walk. As I run out the door, the world outside takes me over. I didn’t even realize how long it actually has been since I’ve left the house alone. The autumn wind rushing through the air as you make your way down the street. I find my mind drifting back to the days before your family informed you of the dowery. Jungkook hates you for being his wife but loves you for being his friend. I don’t understand anymore. My feet just move as I drift deeper into thought.  

The emotions I’ve been holding in begin to flow out as the tears burn my eyes. Finally feeling the pressure and change from this marriage. Losing track of time as I sit on a bench looking out to the Han River. The water is peaceful. The sounds of the city embrace me as I stare into the sunset. I don’t notice the hours pass until I begin to see traffic in the park pickup. I stand from my place on the bench and walk toward the bridge. Staring over the edge you contemplate jumping. Making everything easier on everyone. You feel utterly lost as the tears rush down your face. Shaking your head rapidly “no” you tell yourself as you make your way back, back to Jungkook, back to the life I no longer feel like leading.   

As the house came into view, and I saw 2 unfamiliar cars in the driveway. “Jungkook-ah I’m back is anyone he-” I shout as I walk into the house only to be cut off by the impact of Jungkook’s body colliding with mine. His breathing is heavy and a sigh of relief escapes him. His hands rushing to either side of my head as he looked me up and down. His chest heaving up and down rapidly. His eyes full of tears that were threatening fall. 

 “Fuck I thought something happened to you” he says examining my face. “Where were you? I woke up and tried to see if you wanted to go get breakfast and you weren’t answering the door, so I opened it and you weren’t there your bed is made where’d you sleep? I called your dad, man. I called MY dad” He doesn’t remember what he said to you last night. I smile at him apologetically as I notice the 2 men on the couch and I give them a polite bow. “I’m sorry Kook-ah I woke up really early and chose to go for a walk. I lost track of time and only made it home just now I’m okay; both of you did not need to take time out of your day to come here” you gesture toward your fathers. You can see Jungkook's father is completely stoic and uncaring, you avoid your fathers gaze as his figure trembled on the couch. 

“Y/N” Your father states just barely above a whisper as he looks you up and down “Dad I'm fine” You look at him, understanding his pointed worried gaze. “Y/N the last time you couldn’t sleep and went out for a walk I found you bleeding from your wrists in our neighbors pool” You can feel Jungkook's worried gaze on you. The awkwardness from the conversation growing around the room.  

“did that happen this time? and you have no right bringing that up it is a completely different situation” Your words do nothing to soothe him as you shove past Jungkook and lift your sleeves in his face “I’m fucking fine” You rush over to your front door slamming it open “Please excuse yourself, I'm tired and would like to go to bed after explaining to the husband YOU forced me to marry why I tried to kill myself, I apologize Mr. Jeon you did not have to take time out of your busy day to come here” Jungkook scoffs and mummers something under his breath. I walked the men out of the door, ignoring Jungkook’s hard stare at the back of my head as I said my goodbyes and apologized again.  

“Y/N” he whispered, you stood frozen in place at the front door. “What happened? Why’d your dad-” “It’s not particularly your business or your problem honestly Jungkook you’ve made it quite clear how you feel about me last night.” You cut him off curtly, finally making your way toward your bedroom “Y/N I was drunk last night I didn’t-” “WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER NIGHTS” I shout “Look Jungkook, with the exception of our ‘honeymoon’ you don’t even want me around you drunk. You can’t stand to look at me and the ring on my finger knowing you got sucked into something you never wanted to do” Jungkook stood in his spot, trembling, “Y-Y/N it’s not like that-” “I don’t care anymore, honestly” You state curtly.  

“I'm your friend Y/N, do you not understand how fucking worried I was when I realized you weren’t here and I had no clue where you would go” I scoff at his statement “Maybe if you actually put effort into this ‘friendship’ You would have known” A pout forms on his already saddened face. “You’re right I should be a better friend to you and I will be” He promises.  

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Since that day, a few months back; Jungkook requests for me to let him know that I will be leaving so he does not start another panic; We’ve also dedicated Fridays as our friend date night, which usually just consists of us hanging out at our shared house watching movies and playing video games. As I exit the shower, Jungkook stops me as I walk toward my room “Hey, do you want to go out with me tonight?” Jungkook asks shyly. My heart sored at the question; I know he wasn’t asking in any romantic way. I just couldn’t help but get excited at the thought of leaving the house. I hadn't left much since moving in typically spending my days home or working, no time to really explore and go out “Yes! I mean yeah sure that sounds fun” I exclaim. After I have my hair out, in a wet curly look and throw on the most beautiful form fitting dress that I own and make my way to the door. Jungkook is standing there waiting on his phone. His eyes slowly scan up me and he swallows harshly as his eyes grow wide. “Uhm… Let’s…”  I smile at him and grab his hand and pull him out of the house interrupting him “Let’s go Jungkookie”   

The club was fun, Jungkook told me to have as much fun as I want since I rarely go out. Even so, I never leave the bar as Jungkook can obviously spot someone so he excuses himself from me exclaiming he will be back in like 10 minutes and runs off to the dance floor. Anxious about the crowd and my sudden loneliness; I pull myself into a dark corner at the end of the bar drunk patrons around me oblivious to presence. Feeling a hand on my ass and turn to see an unfamiliar handsome face. “Hey, um sorry to sound rude but can you like take your fucking hand off of me” I say shyly.  

The handsome man smiles and nods as he quickly pulls his hand off of my bottom “Sorry, I couldn’t get my footing with all the people I didn’t mean to…like touch you there I swear, I’m Mark” “Y/N” I say as I reach my hand out. He smiles and shakes my hand.” What are you drinking” He smiles “Malibu Pineapple” I reply politely. Mark orders me another and soon I’m feeling tipsy. His kind flirty personality only making you even more flustered, He smiles and places his hand on the small of your back as you talk. You check your phone only to see Jungkook has been gone for the better part of an hour; Mark’s deep voice pulling me out of my trance “SO… I hate to be THAT guy but are you here alone?” My eyes drift from my phone, my bottom lip pulled between my teeth. “Oh I-” 

Before I can respond I feel a hand snake around my waist and the melodic voice I’ve come to secretly love comes from behind me “No she’s here with me…… her husband” Jealousy laced in his voice as he pulls me closer to him. “And were supposed to be having a good time together…without you”   

“Sorry man, I didn’t know she was married. You know…since she was standing here by herself for a while, and it looked like she didn’t seem to mind spending time with me” Mark smirks sarcastically. The anger is growing more and more evident on Jungkook’s face. “Excuse me?!?” Mark shifts and smiles to me ignoring Jungkook’s ever growing angry form. “You trying to go somewhere less crowded you look really uncomfortable with how many people are here” “Oh I don’t know” I state shyly, stepping back a little. “What Y/N I'm just trying to be nice ill bring you home. I just don’t trust this guy you know? Who leaves their wife alone in a bar like this for over an hour?” It's obvious that was the last straw as Jungkook pulls me behind him as he punches Mark in the face. Mark returns the blow, Jungkook's large form stumbling back at the power the other man had. “You want to keep talking shit asshole” Jungkook's loud voice rings out as he charges Mark again. I stood frozen in place from Jungkook's forceful grab. The bar hitting my back.  Soon security was separating the brawl and me and Jungkook were in the car on our way back to the house.   

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In the passenger seat I take in the details of Jungkook’s now bruised face. I shift my eyes back to the windshield, a pout evident on my face “Why was he with you, Y/N?” Jungkook questions the tone in his voice is obviously a sad and jealous one. “He just came up to and we started talking he bought me a couple drinks that’s all Kookie, I promise.” I whine. It’s happened on occasion after Jungkook swore to make up for not being a good friend to you; you guys would flirt and be all over each other, yet neither would make a real move. “Would you have gone home with him? Would you have let him fuck you?” He asks scared of the answer. “WHAT? NO! Jungkook-ah I swear nothing like that would have happened. I mean Mark was really attractive and I’m sure he would have shown me a great time but I just wasn’t interested in him, kookie” That answer seems to have settled him for now. The drive now growing silent. “Y-y/n?” Jungkook slurs “Yeah” “You ever thought about it?” “What?” I ask confused. “Sex, with me” He asks shyly. “Um Jungkook? How drunk are you did you-” “No that doesn’t count I mean recently?” He stammers out.  

“Honestly?” He nods rapidly “Yes I need you to tell me the truth because I'm gonna kiss you and I'm not trying to get slapped” He confesses. My eyes widen at his drunk confession “Oh I wouldn’t slap you if you kissed me” He smiles slightly “really? Would you stop me if I touched you like I want Baby?” lust filling his tone as his hand placed itself inside your thigh slowly rubbing up toward my core. A small whimper is released from my lips. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth. “You want me to stop y/n?” He asks cockily. I shake my head rapidly. “You want my fingers inside you don’t you baby?” I nod rapidly. 

 “Don’t worry baby girl I’ll do that for you.” he says as he pulls into the driveway. He runs to the passenger door and opens it for me as I get out and wrap my arms around him. “Oh yeah Kookie? Are you gonna make me cum for you?” I smirk the drunk naughty thoughts take over. Jungkook wraps his arms around my waist and for the first time tonight I smell the alcohol coming off Jungkook. He’s as drunk as I am or even more so, he presses his chest against my back and I feel a hard shaft against my ass. He peppers kisses up the side of my neck until his lips reach my ears “mmm Baby girl, I wanna eat your pussy so bad” He smacks my ass harshly as he lifts me and carries me into the home.   

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I wake up in Jungkook’s bed the next morning, events from last night come rolling in. We had sex, 4 times, I notice the coldness on the side of the bed from me. I make my way out of Jungkook’s room and dash toward the kitchen. Jungkook is sitting at the table on the phone back to the entrance. “I don’t know Jimin we fucked like 4 times Jimin but that’s all she helped me cum and I helped her that’s all it was” “No I don’t have feelings for her, we used each other Jimin, it wasn’t like that this guy was talking to her at the club and she told me she wasn’t going to go home with him but let’s be honest if I wasn’t there, she would have gone with him and I can’t have some slut for a wife” 

 “No man I just helped her cum so she doesn’t start going out for some rando guy to get her off she doesn’t really expect anything from it. She just wanted to cum that’s how good little whores do it and from last night I know she’s one of the best sluts I’ve ever met so easy to get her to do anything for me cause she’s a sub” “Look I got to go Jimin before she gets up, I got to get he out of my bed before she thinks I want her there all the time…. dude of course I’m gonna fuck her again it’s one of the best pussies I’ve ever had……your stupid dude bye”   

I rush to my room and lock the door. His words stab at my heart. Just some easy slut? That’s what he thought you were, because you let your guard down and gave yourself to the first person you’ve ever had sex with. Tears stream down my face as I hyperventilate a knock at my bedroom pulls me out of a trance. “Y/n-ie?” another knock “you, okay?” I shout from behind the door. 

 “Yeah…I’m fine” I hear slight shuffling “Did you want to go to breakfast maybe we can take a walk to Han River you said you like going there right?” His nervousness is evident through the door. “Um…Honestly Jungkook, I’m not feeling too good I’m like really hungover and I’d like to take a shower” to wash your scent and touch off of me. “Oh…. well can I join you then?” I shake my head no, god please no. “Y/N-ie? Babe?” my heart shatters at his words “Um I’m sorry Kookie but I really don’t feel like it” “Oh okay, um when you’re done can you come hang out and watch a that Invisible Man movie you wanted to see” “Um sure I’ll see you in a bit bye Jungkook” Jungkook’s face twists in to a pout behind the door.  

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After your shower you leave the room and walk down the hall “Jungkook?” before I pass his bedroom, I peak my head in and see Jungkook laying on his bed completely naked, eyes closed tight, stroking himself, moaning out your name. The sight is addicting I feel my own excitement building up at the sight of him. I try to back out of the room and accidentally slam into Jungkook’s bedroom door. His eyes shoot open and his hand leaves his member. “Y/N! I…UM…I WAS JUST….” I smile and walk toward him. “We’re you thinking about me Jungkook” I teased. He bites his lip “Were you thinking about last night or the fact that you missed fucking me hard into the shower” He sighs and nods “both” he mutters. His words from earlier out of my mind as I place my lips against his and let him take me for the 5th time in 24 hours.   

The way he pounds into me, his hair stuck to his forehead. “Fuck baby girl you take it so good, look at your pretty pussy taking this cock the way you should…. hmmm that’s my pussy baby girl” I moan in response “yes kookie-ah only yours” My climax builds fast as Jungkook’s thrusts get sloppy. “Yeah, oh baby girl I’m gonna cum so deep in your pussy” He exclaims as he captures his lips into mine. “All mine baby girl” he thrusts once more and I feel a warmth inside me as he kisses my neck.   

He gets up and runs to the bathroom. A loud ping comes through on the phone

   Areum<3: When are you going to divorce that ugly ass wife? Baby I got to spend time with you at the club but fucking in a bathroom then getting kicked out for a fight especially over her is crazy.  

My breath hitches and swells up in my throat as I read the message. He had sex with someone last night right before he had sex with me, he took my mouth last night. Disgust fills me up as I run to my bedroom. Opening the closet, I begin throwing my things in the luggage bag. “Baby did you want- what are you doing?!” Jungkook stopped at my door, a confused look on his face. 

 “I’m leaving Jungkook” I state as tears stream down my face. Panic rises on Jungkook’s face “why? You don’t want to be here anymore? Did I do something? I can fix it I swear but you can’t go…you can’t just go when we….” “Areum misses you and you should focus on one girl Jungkook-ah” I cut him off and realization dawns on his face as he runs to his room to grab his phone.

 The second the phone is in his hand he rushes out of his room and sees your retreating figure making your way to the door “Y/N-AH! DON’T GO PLEASE” You freeze the sound of his voice cracking “Areum is just some girl she’s not anyone don’t just assume because some girl texted me, she misses me that I’m going to run to her” “You were with her last night….you Fucked her last night not even an hour before you fucked me, my mouth” 

Jungkook shakes his head “No it’s not like that I swear like you said I fucked her, Baby girl I can’t fuck you. I make love to you please I’m begging you don’t go okay I know we haven’t been the best but I can fix this don’t do this not when I know I love you please” I shake my head and make my way to the door as Jungkook’s sobs grow. “Stop please” he reaches for the door and slams it shut. “You can’t just leave, not after what we just did, not when I love you, please” I smile at him lightly and press my lips against his.

 I feel his hands snake around my waist as he kisses me hard. I lose myself in his lips soon I reach for my luggage bag and rush out the door and into my car. Jungkook is banging on my passenger side window trying to open the door tears streaming down his face “please, stop, stop the car, get out please stay with me, BABY PLEASE” he shouts as I reverse and drive off the last sight, I have is Jungkook chasing my car with tears streaming down his face   

[darkelite020]

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 12

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- So I sort of expected it by the end of last episode but it seems like last episode was a start of an episode arc about hera's family, which, for rebel's fans I'm sure it's cool and exciting and maybe answers some questions or will actually show things discussed in rebels maybe, but as someone who hasn't seen rebels yet, I really hope this episode and the next few have more bad batch screentime, cause we were a little robbed last episode lol (but in a way I do still enjoy this stuff too, because im sure when I DO watch rebels it'll make the experience better). -- I'm not disliking this arc or anything, but up to this point we've kind of had almost mandalorian style 'one episode one adventure' sorts of episodes, and personally I really hope we get more of that (which I think we will), because while this is all new content and everything, we all have to admit clone wars had some less interesting filler arcs here and there, and I just hope bb doesn't fall the same way (across all of its seasons, im not very concerned about it so far from what we've seen of season 1) because if there is filler, I'd rather sit through a couple of the one episode stories, rather than a 3-4 episode story that takes nearly a month to get through if im disliking it, mostly for the fact that even if we got those 1 ep fillers, its more stories and more likely I'd like at least one. ---kinda rambling about this unnecessarily atm cause while again right now I think bb is fine, I just want the future to be that way too. - fffff every time I see howzer on screen I think of that fucking audio thats "here comes the boy, hello boy~" and honestly can you blame me he is so precious like ugh I swear dave you better be nice to him -- YOU CAN TELL HE FEELS SO BAD AND GUILTY LIKE IT HURTS - hey admiral can you not be MEAN to howzer when he is trying to be fucking helpful -- ;-; BRO im saying it so much already but I feel so bad for howzer like dude someone help him --- imo it feels like its sort of setting up howzer for something more important in the show kinda, at least for his character. Like we can clearly tell he doesn't really agree with the empire and I think they're going to do something with that. He's probably undercover for someone against the empire but I get the bad feeling they're gonna pull a Fives and have him go against the empire and help everyone else somehow but then he will probably end up dead because we cant have nice things. - hello cross... bet you wont be saved this episode - Ok good, some more bad batch here already. -- ALSO GONKY BEING DEFECTIVE!!!! EVEN GONKY IS DEFECTIVE LIKE BB THATS SO CUTE! - uh, im not the only one getting the leia transmission vibes from hera, right? -- ok, again I haven't seen rebels so I dont know BUT if hera has the ability to talk to bb, couldn't she have done so in rebels? Yeah she's older and im sure better at fighting and defending herself and all that, but wouldn't it still be possible for her to have gotten in some kind of rough situation in Rebels to ask for bb's help again? I super doubt bb made any appearance of any kind in Rebels, so doesn't that imply that she lost communications with them? What happens to bad batch >> - bad batch not wanting to help but because omega really wants to you can see its making hunter soften up and I appreciate it - bruh what??? Taa is dead af, like theres no way the show is gonna pull some magic and be like 'oh yep here he is' thing??? Like this has to be a lie, but even then, what even is the plan here?? Saying "oh hes recovering" well he can't be recovering forever, how does that seem like a good plan to lie about that?? People are gonna find out?? - "Great just what we need" from Wrecker about crosshair MAKES ME ANGRY LIKE??? YES?? DONT BE MAD AT HIM ITS NOT HIS FAULT??? SAVE YOUR FUCKING BOY??? -- oooo then the rest of bb doesn't comment about it literally gsjrkgbdkfbg why do they not care about him???? Like it seems they legitimately dont care about crosshair, even though theyve been together for so long like even before the show came out they

had history together and were all really close. I know people argue "oh well its just difficult to save him and its unrealistic for them right now" but so what? Even if they aren't trying to save him they should at least CARE about him. --- Which is also like the thing with echo and fives!!!! Like Echo didn't seem to care much at all when Rex mentioned fives even a little! Or even about seeing Rex that much!! Dave I'm gonna need some answers my guy, cause you humanized these characters but then you dont make them act that way so like whats up. - Lucky hunters abilities came in handy - Back to crosshair for a second im predicting they 100% arent saving him this season. There was a poster released part way through the season and he's not even on it... makes me so sad. - "I'd do the same for you." ;-; that didnt need to get that deep - CROSSHAIR BETTER NOT START SHIT WITH HOWZER - Howzer helping Hera's parents or at least implying that is good but that also means im right so far and therefore worried >> -- HES GOING TO GET FUCKING CAUGHT I BET TALKING TO THEM LIKE THIS AT SOME POINT AND HOW MUCH DO YOU WANNA BET ITS GONNA BE CROSSHAIR THAT CATCHES HIM --- Cham stfu its literally so obvious that howzer is trying to be genuine, also if he's kind of undercover for him like what the fuck do you expect howzer to do if he has to play along with the empire to keep his cover?? "Won't make that mistake again" Fuck off like honestly. ---- #stopbeingmeantohowzer2021 - "A little help" and the gentle "Hey" ahh love it - I'm really enjoying this whole them fighting in the ships sequence - "Stay here and guard the capitol" SCARES ME -- Please for the love of god bad batch don't get howzer killed --- or plot B Bad batch maybe run into howzer but save him and take him with you at least temporarily ---- oh god.... bb is helping heras parents escape and that means howzers gonna get in trouble.../probably replaced by crosshair - Crosshair is smart but thats also badddd - The scene of howzer and crosshair looking at each other is killing meeeeeeeee - Ohhh is howzer gonna stop them before they go out the door? -- YES HE IS SEE WHAT A GOOD BOY HE IS - (please fucking listen to him I beg) - Aw dude I just had a thought that breaks my heart... howzer cares about his squad and "trying to get through to them" but what if his squad is clones as well and the chips... that hurts me so badly... -- Like we all know howzer is a sweet boy by now but ughhh like the thought that he doesnt want to leave them even though they are doing whats wrong shows just how much he cares and I really hope he doesn't get into trouble because of what he's saying to them, but you know he totally would do it because he seems to care about them so much and :( bad batch more like sad batch --- This is the kind of compassion I wanted from bb for crosshair hunter kind of looks back at howzer as they leave him and I doubt itll mean anything but I really hope that maybe seeing how much howzer cares will make hunter care a little too... - *sigh* howzer is getting left behind by them which we know why but yeah... now he's definitely going to be in trouble... I just hope they don't hurt him... - OH GOD HOWZER BABY DONT -- He's making a speech and I know he's trying to sway them but you know damn well this is gonna go so badly for him because of the chips and crosshair is watching so you know howzer is gonna get fucked here and I know what hes trying for but I really wish he didnt just do that because now its blatantly obvious he's gonna be against them ;-; - Wow ok im kinda shocked people are siding with him (I guess cause theyre not all clones right) but I feel so bad for themmmmm - Crosshair missed multiple shots? Uh what? I didnt think that was possible lol - bb please come back for howzer and the others at some point.... -- I guess maybe if hera's parents are going to organize rebels against the empire maybe they will help them but I somewhat doubt it... - Ok I know that crosshair requesting to hunt them was supposed to be this big moment and all but I

can't help but feel like its a little underwhelming (but dont get me wrong still cool vibes) because he's kind of already been doing that anyway?? Or has tried to several times?? So I don't get why its a big deal, however, I do have a possible prediction: We know that bb got their chips removed, (crosshair doesn't, I know that) and so that eliminates the idea that they will get caught and actually go bad like crosshair, but it does leave a possibility where maybe they get captured and then *pretend* to be bad? And that could lead to a better possibility of helping crosshair (they wont) or maybe howzer and the other rebels or something? Cause I also feel like its significant that they brought up how the war will eventually come to them and bb will be a part of it no matter what eventually, and it makes obvious sense theyd be on the rebels side of it, so maybe something like that goes on, idk.

[aeirithgainsborough]

very Important adam/ronan things to take away from the cdth sampler:

“like the other lynch brothers, he was a regular churchgoer, but most people assumed he played for the other team.” i am SCREAMING. top tier gay joke. well timed.

everyone: ronan’s eyes aren’t pretty. adam: mhmm  e y e l a s h e s

much to say about the revelation that ronan is partly at the barns to keep his dreams hidden and in check, and how much he relates an inability to change and be like everyone else to having to stay there. almost like he’s stuck huh! i’ve been saying!!

of note that words used to describe ronan’s existence are BORED and MALINGERED.

fingers crossed he finds some balance between his dreams and his wants/needs that allows him to leave the barns and grow but after the Great Crab Disaster I’M WORRIED.

fire imagery EVERYWHERE. i’m WORRIED again.

“there are stains that spread faster than you drive. if you drive, it’ll take fourteen years to get there. seventeen. forty. one hundred. we’ll be driving to your funeral by the end.” good to know ronan is still the most DRAMATIC boy in the whole of virginia. absolutely no chill.

dont like the possible foreshadowing of that driving to your funeral by the end, though. must leave lynches alone!

“it’s very safe” asjkajjka DECLAN PLEASE 

“ronan kicked one of the volvo’s tires” asjkajjka RONAN PLEASE. 

ronan trying to act nonchalant by cramming chocolate covered peanuts into his mouth and choking a little is Peak Disaster Gay. 

matthew’s music must be awful if ronan and declan are in agreement over it, must have playlist. 

ronan who lives to pretend he doesn’t care wondering if his brothers didn’t say anything about his moving because it didn’t make a difference to them is huhhh. don’t like it, take it away pls.

i’m sorry, ENTIRELY WRAPPED UP IN! ENTIRELY! 

entirely

wrapped

up

in

shut up!!!! shut upppppp! 

“is there any version of you that could come with me to cambridge?” tbh nothing would have readied me for this. adam i-can-do-everything-alone asking ronan if he could go with him. so much growth, too much pride, nowhere to put it, send help.

the fact that ronan doesn’t stay in cambridge when he visits adam because of plausible deniability, that if he doesn’t try there’s no evidence he can’t make it there. rip. 

ronan! missed! him! like! a! lung! 

dramatic again, but entirely relatable bc damn, same ronan, same. 

a) ronan thinking about how his heartbeat is the same as everyone else’s so he wasn’t that different and b) JUST LIKE ADAM’S HEART WHEN HIS HEAD WAS RESTING ON HIS HEAD = much too much to think about. need to lie down for a bit.

he could move to follow the guy he loved!! we all knew it was love, we’ve always known it was love, but! the words. the words!!!!! brb sobbing.

i have only had jordan for a day and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself. 11/10 would marry.

art forgery plot confirmed!

THIS WAS HOW IT HAD BEGUN

bitch fkajdkajksja GIVE ME A WARNING. 

still can’t compose myself RE the info that ronan saw adam and immediately sent a desperate prayer up to god 

will the word please ever be the same again? definitely not!

adam’s arms adam’s hands his lovely! boyish! hands!

the description of his expressions with all its contradictions and multitudes is just my favourite thing ever. it encapsulates everything i love about adam fucking parrish.

and the fact that ronan instantly recognised all those multitudes in him. there was always a level of understanding ronan had for adam throughout trc that no one else did and this tells us he had that before he even met him, he just... recognised something in him i just... ;______; 

please 

ronan knowing all the harvard stats because he was the person adam could crow to, how he takes on that adam that is still full of contradictions and multitudes, how he finds it hard but he absorbs all the facts and all of adam’s anxieties, even in the face of his own anxieties about adam leaving and falling in love with the shining, educated people that ronan thinks are better than him. that absolute, unwavering support 😭😭😭

tbh there’s a whole ass lot to unpack in this section so imma try and do it briefly (she says!)

ronan lynch is a romantic cdth confirmed: 

he could have texted adam but he liked the soft surprise of it

over the past few days ronan had played his reunion with adam over in his head MANY TIMES

adam i love you but that outfit sounds awful. you are a student, it’s a friday night, put some sweats on and stuff some cheetos in your mouth. 

the sweet nervousness of their reunion, how they walk past each other and both seem so uncertain. they’re a year into dating and the still get nervous and unsure after a few weeks apart and it’s CUTE and definitely speaks to their excitement/anticipation levels.

THE WATCH. big time softness. 

they hugged hard ;_____; 

im just so relieved that they’re allowed to touch each other and be intimate and aren’t consigned to the ‘boys in love aren’t like that boring boring’ corner. 

the way ronan thinks about how adam fits as he remembered. huh. you’re really gonna do this to me.

his hand still pressed against the back of ronan’s skull the way it ALWAYS did when they hugged. 

you smell like home. you smell like home!!!!!! brb ive gone absolutely fucking feral. 

i both want to play repo because it sounds fun and don’t want to because it sounds complicated and i fucking hate instructions. much confusion. 

adam pressing his shoe hard against ronan’s and then his leg and then breathing in ronan’s ear I AM HOWLING. ronan’s nerve endings being made a marvel of I AM SOBBING. it’s very important that m/m ships are afforded the same level of explicit attraction as m/f (and i don’t mean explicit as in nsfw, i mean as in obvious)

no offence because i love them but all of adam’s friends sound Extra™

“to the outside eye, ronan lynch was a loser” pls ronan, you are giving me an ulcer.

scary spice i asjkjdkjskdjak

queer crying club! i stan!!

also adam saying in the epilogue of trk that he wanted to save all the adam’s hidden in plain view and then going to college and scooping up all the criers and giving them something to do is far too much to handle.

don’t think about that and the time he thought about how he used to spend his nights crying on the trailer steps and wondering why he bothered until gansey came along and offered him friendship. dont think about how he’s essentially paying that forward DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

hand holding, arms around each other, hip to hip walking, can’t wait anymore kissing, I MISSED YOU. love that for me! 

but also the fact that adam reaches down for ronan’s hand and its so natural. ronan’s hand is there so he just. takes it. 

hearing ronan’s thoughts on what happened with robert at last is A Lot. the way it’s still happening, always happening, kept fresh and savage shows how affected ronan was by it all and still is and i think its so important that he’s not just. angry and hot headed. there’s more to it than that. its painful, it makes him feel sick, its unending and it really speaks to how much adam means to him. 

adam thinks he has no one BITCH YOU’VE GOT ALL OF US. 

and ronan. 

but. how he feels like he has nothing still. the way his voice hitches on ‘because’ because it’s all still so painful. i wanna wrap him up. i wanna take everything that hurts away. i wanna tell him he’s so loved. guess i’ll just have to sit back and watch him work his way through it all I GUESS. no but i am looking forward to his growth in this trilogy, especially considering how much he’s grown already. adam parrish invented character growth lets 👏 be 👏 real 👏

it had never been a fight between them/it was a fight between adam and himself, between adam and the world/for ronan it was a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced. i LOVE this. it so well encapsulates them. and it’s so important that they can realise their differing world views and their complexities and meet in the middle somewhere.

“ronan put his lips on adam’s deaf ear, and he hated adam’s father” FUCK ME UP. my absolute favourite bit 103930%. absolute incoherent mess over here. not! okay! see other post for more coherency because i only had it for 5.7 minutes. 

frowning, guarded, crumpled adam who i’ll literally. never be over in all of my life. 38983/10 will love him until the end of time. 

i want it too much. !!!!!! going feral again over here. WHAT DO YOU WANT ADAM? I WANT IT TOO MUCH. definitely will never shut up about this. 

scared adam is going to be a visionary so pretending chapter 6 doesn’t exist. 

LINDENMERE ;________;

i love it already

i CANNOT believe that ronan is being dream invaded and challenged and he’s over here like hmm nice bike ELEGANT and ROUGH and READY like ADAM asjkasj please ronan you are so embarrassing!! 

also. ronan thinks adam is elegant and rough and ready so! there’s that!

i literally. cannot. cope with the HILARITY of chapter 8. the whole thing is a complete and utter DISASTER. it’s absolutely gone off in adam’s room after all his work at constructing a well put together boy. ronan comes for a night and everything goes BONKERS. amazing. 

(really worried about what this means RE ronan being able to exit the barns and grow and change and not be bored and not feel like a loser so we’re focusing on the hilarious disaster of it all.)

p.s. adam sleeping slotted between ronan and the wall OKAY. THIS IS FINE! 

p.p.s. adam’s bed hair is WILD. 

p.p.p.s i have missed adam and ronan so so so so so much and im an emotional fucking wreck

[turtle-steverogers]

Not Guilty- 2

murder mystery’s back! im having too much fun with this story guys

Link to chap 1 in case you need it

warnings: albert being a human disaster, abuse of the word ‘milk’

ship: ralbert, platonic spalbert

word count: 1680

editing: lmaoooo no

Chap 2

When Albert gets to the precinct the next morning, he’s wary to find a wrapped parcel on his desk that looks suspiciously like a sandwich.  He pokes at it, frowning when he sees a singular smiley face drawn on the underside in black sharpie.

 “Hey, uh, Spot?” He calls, looking up when he hears his partner’s chair roll out from his desk and subsequently poke his head around the low wooden wall that separates their cubicles.

“Yes, honeycakes?” Spot’s expression is the face of innocence and Albert’s stomach churns.

“Did you-” He stumbles, gesturing to the presumed sandwich, “Is this for me?”

“It’s on your desk, isn’t it?” Spot smiles, rolling back into his cubicle.

Albert sighs, taking off his messenger bag and jacket and sitting heavily in his desk chair.  He cautiously unwraps the white paper to find a loaded meatball sub sitting in the middle of a napkin.  There’s a sticky note placed delicately on the fluffy white bread and Albert plucks it up, squinting at the words:

Sorry you didn’t finish your sandwich xoxo Spottie

He laughs probably too loud and sticks the sticky note on his desktop, right next to the note from Jack that reads: ‘I’m sorry for stealing your pants, I had brains on mine’ after Jack had taken his extra pair of slacks from his locker when his got spoiled at a crime scene.

He takes a bite of the sandwich, pleased to find that he can still stomach his favorite Gianno’s special after yesterday’s events.  As he chews, careful not to get any tomato sauce on his shirt, he plucks a sticky note from his own pad and scrawls out: Thanks, Pop Spotcket.  Love u, dear xoxo and tosses it over to Spot.

A moment later, Spot snorts indignantly, “‘Pop Spotcket’? Really? Does anyone actually use those anymore?  The only person I know who has one is my niece and she’s eleven.”

Albert rolls his chair so he’s in Spot’s cubicle, sandwich still in hand, “I have one, asshole.  They’re useful.  Anyway, thanks for the sandwich.  How’s it looking at Gianno’s?”

Spot sighs wearily, placing a stack of papers down and turning from his computer to look at Albert, “Eh.  They’re closed today.  I stopped by this morning to pick up some evidence left at the crime scene and one of the waiters asked if I wanted anything and I remembered that you didn’t get to finish your lunch yesterday so…”

“Thanks, man,” Albert says, mouth full.  Spot wrinkles his nose and tells him not to speak with food in his mouth.  Albert rolls his eyes, “Anyway, evidence?  What’s new?”

“Nothing really,” Spot says, “Just Wiesel’s receipt from his last meal.  Wasn’t really much on it, but it gave us a sure timestamp that lines up with our original record, so at least that’s set.”

“Good,” Albert shoves the last bit of sandwich into his mouth, licking his fingers.

“Yeah.  Saw our boy there, though.”

Albert raises his eyebrows, “Higgins?”

“Mhm.”

“How’s he?”

Spot shrugs, “Didn’t talk to him.  Kid looked like shit.  Well, more shitty than yesterday if that’s somehow possible.  Kept sending cute little glares my way, fucking ray of sunshine, that one.”

“Christ,” Albert grimaces, “I’m convinced he’s a player in this debacle somehow.  I mean, he seemed genuinely surprised when he found out the vic was Wiesel, but too many strings lead to connections on his end.”

“Yeah,” Spot agrees, “I dunno, I say we dig a little into Wiesel’s other relations as well.  I feel like there’s a gap here somewhere.”

“Toxicology came back,” Albert says after a pause.

Spot looks at him, eyebrows raised, “And?”

“Sarin poison in the blood.  Stab wounds were post-mortem.  Someone wanted this shit to look messier than it is.”

“Interesting.  I wonder who’d go through the trouble of poisoning, then following up with a physical attack.  ‘Specially in a public place.  S’kinda risky.”

“That’s what I was thinking, but whoever it was, clearly knew what they were doing.”

“Clearly…”

XXX

Albert never understood why there was such a wide variety of milks in the world.  And why, in this moment, he can’t find any simple fucking 2%.  

He scans over the selection again, bypassing the almond and oat milks and skimming over the fritzy lactose free shit.  There’s strawberry milk and chocolate milk on display and even horrifyingly enough, mint milk, but no fucking 2%.  It’s not even like this fucking bodega is big enough to warrant having so many milks. 

He just wants some damn normal person milk!

“Excuse me, detective.” 

Albert doesn’t startle.  He doesn’t.  He’s a trained law enforcement officer and detective.  People like him don’t fucking startle.  But, he is on high, professional alert when he turns around to see Antonio Fucking Higgins standing behind him, eyebrows raised in what’s probably amusement and hands shoved in his pockets.

Albert makes a strangled noise, eyes working on their own accord as they trail down Higgins’ body.  He’s sweaty, looking like he just came from some sort of workout, and a pair of tight adidas running pants hug his legs in all the right places.  He’s in a tank top today, somehow doing his arms more justice than the grey shirt he’d been wearing yesterday.  A hat sits backwards on his head, doing little to tame the curls that are trying to sneak out of the stupid hole where the strap meets the fabric.  He looks hot and it’s unfair and Albert’s never been ashamed of his sexuality, but right now he’s wishing that he could reign in his gay ass a little bit because aside from the fact that Higgins is a bit of a prick, he’s also a suspect and that’s, like, number one in the Book of Nope for cops of any kind.

Higgins is still looking at him, but now there’s a small crease of concern between his eyebrows, “You alright, man?” He asks, “You look kinda like you’re having a heart attack.  Do you have any chest pain?  Your left arm feel numb at all?”

Albert shakes himself, morphing his expression into something he hopes looks less like Gay Panic, “Yeah, sorry, I-” He splutters a bit, then shuts his mouth with a click.  

Higgins scoffs, “I just need milk, man, you mind?”

Albert starts, hastily stepping out from where he was definitely blocking the milk selection and watching as Race grabs a carton of-- fucking 2%.  How did he find it so fast?  How did Albert not see it?  He’s supposed to be the one trained to look for details others don’t see!

Trying not to flush, Albert reaches out and grabs a carton as well and Higgins looks at him again, laughing, “You were standing here for a long time, dude, I thought you were gonna murder the milk for a second.”

“Couldn’t find the 2%.” Albert mumbles, blushing harder when Higgins laughs louder.

“Real good reconnaissance there, detective.”

When Higgins is laughing, his face changes into something a whole lot more pleasant.  Not that it was ever unpleasant (the dude’s got a jawline of a god), but some of the hardness in his eyes and shadows on his face go away and for just a second, he looks like the 25 year old he’s supposed to be.  It’s nice, Albert thinks, ignoring the way alarm bells are going off in his head.

“Shut up, Higgins, I’m tired.  Some of us have to read about murders all day, so excuse me if my milk finding skills aren’t the most refined.”

Higgins’ face softens and the smile in his eyes turns into something else that Albert doesn’t want to dissect, “Race.”

“What?”

“Higgins is my dad, not me.  And I don’t like the name Antonio very much, so if we’re gonna be talking more, be it over murder or milk, call me Race.”

“Race?”

Higgins--Race--winks, “That’s a story for level five amici.”

“Oh, okay.”

They pause for a moment and even though Albert’s not drunk, his inhibitions seem to flutter away from him against his will as he blurts out, “Drinks sometime? Would- uh- would you wanna get drinks sometime?”

And fuck-fuck- SHIT- what are you doing Dasilva? What the fuck?

Race considers him for a moment, “Not that I wouldn’t hit that,” he nods to Albert’s body and Albert flushes.  Damnit with the flushing!  He’s 26, not some flouncy high schooler, “But I don’t think that’s a good idea, detective.”

Albert nods, “No, yeah, honestly I don’t know why I asked- uh-”

“Relax, don’t have an aneurysm, it’s okay.  I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“No no, you’re right.  Absolutely.”

There’s another pause, then Race smiles apologetically, “I gotta go get the rest of my groceries.  Take care.”

Albert cringes internally at how fucking painfully awkward this exchange has been, “You too,” he says, watching Race retreat to the wine aisle.  He takes another moment to gather himself, then goes to the checkout line.

XXX

Albert turns up the volume on his TV, pleased with the quiet solitude of his apartment for the night.  He doesn’t love living alone, but it’s been a long couple days and he’s been looking forward to a night to himself since he’d woken up that morning.  Just him, some thai, and the Animal Planet playing reruns of ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ all night.  Fucking self care.

He’s just yelling at some dog owner on the TV for feeding his pug 24 eggs a day and watching as Victoria Stilwell chews out the greasy fucker when his phone rings on the coffee table in front of him. 

Groaning, Albert mutes the show and chugs down a few sips of beer, before picking up the phone and answering with an annoyed, “Someone better be dying.”

There’s silence on the other end and Albert pulls the phone away from his ear to check the caller ID.  It’s Spot.  Shit, someone might actually be dying.”

“Spot?  Everything okay?”

Spot sounds sheepish when he says, “Well no one’s dying, technically…”

“But…”

“There was another murder.”

“Shit.”

-

Race went straight home after the bodega, right? RIGHT!??!? stay tuned ;)

thanks saph for ‘pop spotcket’

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[isaksforelsket]

I’ll start with isak/even, but also, what are your other ships?

who hogs the duvet: isak. for sure. whenever we saw him wake up the boy had the covers tucked around him, now this could be because 1. even tucked him in cause he wanted him to be comfy, or 2. isak gets cold easily and just pulls all the blankets towards himself and wraps himself up like a burrito. even doesn’t mind really, cause isak just presses himself up against him and keeps him warm.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: at first, it’s even who will text him throughout the day more often, but eventually isak starts doing it more often as well and usually messages even first, just asking him what time he’ll be home, what they’re having for dinner, ‘can you hurry up even im horny’ and shit like that, but usually he just asks him how he is and tells him he loves him. but even is the one to send him pictures of shit that reminds him of isak.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: even is more creative, as in he’ll find weird and new things and even make shit for isak, but isak also knows what to get for presents, like he just remembers the shit the person has mentioned before and gets them that

who gets up first in the morning: even for sure. isak likes to sleep in for as long as possible, and really even loves it too, even if he’s awake he’ll stay in bed, just holding isak and making sure he’s sleeping peacefully, but eventually he’ll just have to get up and do shit.

writing the rest under this cause boy oh boy this got long

who suggests new things in bed: even, even, even. isak is a bit too shy about it at first so he wont suggest anything, but even will. as they’re making out, he’ll just go ‘wanna try something new?’ and isak would just nod numbly cause like he’s so fucking turned on, even can do whatever he wants to him honestly. but eventually isak brings shit up as well, but its still mostly even.

who cries at movies: i mean, we all know this right?? but even does cry often at movies cause ‘look at the cinematography isak!! its so beautiful’ and also he doesnt give a fuck, if he wants to cry at a movie, he’ll cry. but isak also cries but he acts like he isn’t, he gets all grumpy and frowns and wipes his cheeks all the while saying ‘im not fucking crying even’

who gives unprompted massages: even. isak gets stressed easily and his body is tense all the damn time so even will often just rub his back or his shoulders and get isak to relax his muscles and calm down.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: both of them really, but mostly isak, he just tries to make sure even has everything until even tells him to go to school and that he’ll be fine and not to worry, but isak still worries and stays home for as long as possible. when isak is sick, even has to persuade him to let him take care of him, he just cuddles him a lot until isak stops being stubborn and just melts against his body. 

who gets jealous easiest: isak gets jealous cause he worries that even will leave him and that he’s not enough, plus even is a really nice person and his kindness can get misinterpreted as flirting, so isak will often see the other person just looking up at even with fucking stars in their eyes and he’ll just go up to him and press himself against his body and whisper in his ear ‘can we please go home, i need you’ and obviously even will do so right away. while even gets like possessive, isak is kind of oblivious so if anyone hits on him he’ll have no idea, and even would be seething as he watches this guy get closer and closer to isak until even just walked up to them and wrapped an arm around isak’s waist, arching a brow in the guys direction and silently telling him to fuck off.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: i mean, we all know its even, i dont need to elaborate on this right? he just listens to anything and everything, he doesn’t give a fuck.

who collects something unusual: hm hm hm, i dont feel like either one of them would collect anything unusual. they dont seem like the type. bUT maybe isak would like collect sand from all the beaches he’s went to with even? and he’d be real sentimental and keep like the receipts from restaurants they go to and all that. but i dont think they’d actually collect anything random.

who takes the longest to get ready: isak. the fact that he just rarely wants to go anywhere and wants to stay in and cuddle just makes him take fucking ages. just slow, languid movements around the flat, throwing the clothes around and complaining ‘evy i have nothing to weaaaar’ but even is just like ‘isak i love you so much but if you dont hurry up i’ll kick your cute lil ass’

who is the most tidy and organised: isak isak isak. he just wants their flat to look nice cause he never had a place of his own and now that he has, he wants it to feel and look like a home

who gets most excited about the holidays: even, he fucking loves that shit, gets in the holiday spirit and all. isak didn’t really celebrate anything much while growing up, and then he started disliking Christmas cause his dad left around that time and he was just going through a lot, so he absolutely hates it. but even still tries to make sure isak has nice holidays.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: usually isak is little spoon, he just loves the feeling of even’s arms around him (plus if he wants to he can press his ass against even’s dick ‘by accident’), but sometimes they switch, usually when even is depressed.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: honestly, both of them. they both love to win, but isak probably. he’ll play lil tricks on even to distract him so that he can win, just call him daddy or some shit in the middle of it to make even glance towards him. he’s just a little shit honestly.

who starts the most arguments: um, they dont really argue that much, they tend to talk things out, but id say that even maybe? like his insecurities will sometimes come through and he’ll snap at isak and tell him to leave or something. but they dont really argue that much.

who suggests that they buy a pet: even. isak is against it at first but even keeps showing him photos of kittens or puppies and eventually isak is like ‘fine whatever but you’re taking care of it’ and then when they finally get the pet, he loves them and hugs them and wakes up early to take them for a walk and shit.

what couple traditions they have: you cannot tell me that they dont go swimming together, especially on the anniversary of their first kiss. they also go on a trip somewhere every summer, either to a different country or something or they go on a road trip (someone write evak on a road trip pls).

what tv shows they watch together: rupauls drag race. fight me. they sort of get into it at some point and then they just keep watching and they argue over who’s going to win and who has the best looks. 

what other couple they hang out with: jonas/mikael, mikael/adam, eskild/his bf whoever it is, eva/noora.

how they spend time together as a couple: they’re together all the time honestly, they try to go out on a date every week or every other week, just go to the movies or to get some food or something. but usually they just chill at home, cuddling, making out, having sex, watching movies cuddled up on the couch, or they cook for each other while laughing and dancing in the kitchen, or they just play some music and slow dance in the middle of the living room.

who made the first move: even, obviously, we all know this.

who brings flowers home: even, for sure. he’s just the romantic type to do that shit, and isak will like roll his eyes but he’s blushing so hard and smiling and he puts them in a vase straight away as even walks up behind him and wraps his arms around isak’s waist, kissing his blushy cheek.

who is the best cook: even, but listen, i think isak can cook, he’s just lazy. like my boy took care of himself the majority of his life, of course he can cook, he’d just rather not.

thank you for asking, this was fun!! and i dont mind what ship you send hehe i feel like i could do this about anyone.

send a ship and i’ll answer these questions

[a-kayy47]

Learning to Live

I never knew how to be on my own until it was the only option I had. My childrens father had pushed me past my limits. I had let a lot slide in our relationship of the last 7 years, the drugs, the cheating, the occasional beatings, but when I came home and find him in OUR bed with his little tart of a girlfriend and drugs in the house I was officially done! That was our one agreement nothing was to come into our home and be around the kids. I silently thanked God for never letting me marry that man. As soon as I walked in and saw that I calmly turned and walked out and into my daughter's room and started packing her stuff. "Anna she doesnt mean anything to me!" Johnny said as he entered Rayne's room. I scoffed "Isn't that what they all say, Johnny you know Im not even mad anymore. We haven't loved each other in a long time and the only reason I've stayed is because I never thought I could make it on my own. But being on my own would never be as bad as watching the father of your children and a man thats supposed to love you do this right in front of you're face." I said folding Rayne's clothes and putting them in her duffle bag. "Come on dont do this! The kids won't understand." Johnny said grabbing my arm and trying to pull me up. "Let go of me Johnny!" I seethed. "You're not taking my kids away from me!" He said tightening his grip on my arm. "Like you spend time with them anyway." I remarked which earned me a backhand to the face. "Go ahead Johnny slap me around some more it wouldnt be the first time, but it'll sure as fuck be the last!" I said through gritted teeth. That earned me a black eye and a bust lip along with a few cracked ribs I'm sure of. After he was done he gotdressed and left for his afternoon shift like nothing ever happened.

Setting against my daughters bed holding my newly brused ribs all I could do was laugh, how could I be so foolish to stay in a relationship with someone like this for so damn long! I had no more tears to cry. I pulled myself up off the floor and went back to packing my daughter's duffle bag, if I wanted to have our stuff packed by the time the kids got home from school I only had a couple hours. I finished packing Rayne's duffle bags and set them by the top of the steps and moved to Jameson's room to start packing his. After I got everything packed I carried the 6 bags down to the garage and packed them into my Tahoe. After putting the bags into the suv, I went and sat on the front steps waiting for the kids to get off the bus.

Three o'clock rolled around and the bus stopped in front of the house. I watched my two beautiful babies get off and run full force towards me. "Hey momma" Jameson my seven year old greeted me as he sat down beside me. "Hey babies how was your day?" I asked trying to be as normal as I could before I completely up rooted their lives. "Good. Momma whats wrong with your eye?" My 5 year old daughter Rayne asked. She's always been the one to notice the little things "Let's go inside babe and I'll explain everything." I told them getting myself up letting out a wince from my ribs being moved.

"What's going on momma?" Rayne asked. Jameson and her looking intensely at me. "I hate to do this to you babies but...we have have to leave. There is a lot about your dad that you don't know and momma feels that this isn't a safe place for you anymore. So we're going to go on a little roadtrip." I told them holding back tears and trying to make this 'little roadtrip' fun. "Where we going?" Jameson asked. "Where do you guys wanna go?" "Let's go see Aunt Brit!" Rayne said excitedly. "Yeah, I miss her and we havent seen her since she lived in Georgia and thats been like 2 years ago." Jameson replied giving me puppy dog eyes. "Well I guess I could give her a call and shee where she living now and if she'd be up for some company for a while." I told the kids. "Yayyy!" The kids high fived and celebrated with each other. "Okay, Now I already packed your clothes so go grab whatever else you want to bring and put it in the duffle bag that's laying on top of your beds. And remember we wont be coming back here for a very long time so get the stuff you absolutely cant live without. While you guys do that I'll call Aunt Brit." I told them and they scurried up the stairs.

Setting at the bottom of the stairs I dialed Britni's number. After three rings I get an answer. "Hello" Brit greets me. "Hey B how ya been?" I asked almost on the brink of tears. Britni and I haven't talk for a couple years ever since she found out about me knowing that Johnny was cheating on me and using drugs to her I was a fucking idiot and derserved better and she wasn't going to sit around and watch it happen. Good thing she didn't know about the occasional beatings. "Annie?! That you?" She asks halfing yelling. "Yeah it's me, this a bad time?" I ask. "Absolutely not! Let me step out of the garage so I can hear ya better. So what's up? How's the kids?" "They're good. But I do have a favor to ask." I tell her getting straight to the point. "Sure, anything for you and those babies!" She told me. "I'm leaving Johnny and I have no where to go." I muttered out feeling ashamed that it's took this long for me to leave. "Baby girl you know you and those kiddos always have a place with me. I'm just glad you finally left that basturd! I'm working at a garage out in Cali and got a two bedroom apartment just around the corner from the shop. You come on out babygirl I got you!" She told me which brought a smile to my face. Knowing that someone that isn't even related to me could be there for me at the drop of a hat. But then again she always has been since kindergarten. " Thank you so much. You don't even know how thankful I am!" I told her. "Shut your mouth bitch and get your ass out here I miss you and the squrits!" Britni said chuckling. "As soon as they come down from packing toys I'll be on the road! We miss you too something fierce." I told her hearing footsteps coming down the stairs. "Okay, I'll text you the address to the shop cause I'm here 75% of the time." She said inhaling sharply. I figured she was taking a smoke break while talking to me. "Awesome love you babe see you soon!" I told her standing up and turning around to see the kids standing there holding their backpacks ready to go. "Love you to babe. I gotta get back to work keep checking in through." She told me sternly. "Promise." I told her and we ended the call.



"Well babes it sounds like we're heading to California!" I told the kids laughing seeing their jaws drop. They've never been further than Georgia and that was the last trip we took. "That's clear across the country!" Jameson explained. "It sure is baby we have a very long trip ahead of us." I told them walking towards the garage. Coming from West Virginia to California was about a 40 hour drive with no stopping. "Alrighty do you have everything you need or want?" I asked one last time before we got settled in the car to start our journey. "Yepp we got everything momma." Rayne answered. "Let's get buckled in then and get going."

By now it was already 5 o'clock and we haven't even left the county. I figured we better stop and fill up with gas and get some snacks and about 10 ice coffees if I was going to drive through the night. By the time we got back on the road I received a text from Brit with the address of the auto shop she was working. Brit may be a bit ditzy but there was one thing that bitch was good at an that was fixing cars. She had the life that I had always wanted. Getting to travel all over, not being tied down, now don't get me wrong I love my kids to death and would go to war for them but it was never in my agenda to have two kids and an a steady boyfriend at 25 but there I was watching my best friend living the life I had always wanted.

After about the fifth hour of being on the road the kids was fast asleep and that gave me time to drown in my thought. Was I really doing this? Where the hell had I grew the balls to leave? I'm on my own rasing two kids. I'm going to be alone forever, no man in his right mind will ever want a plus size single mom with baggage. I mean I'm not huge at least I don't think so but after having two kids and a love for some good food I'm about a good 16,18 jeans of course my big ol' ass and hips takes up most of the room. And if I do say so myself I've got a pretty nice full rack, and have two full sleeves of tattoos which I've always got compliments on. That and my long black hair with my olive complexion is what first attracted Johnny to me. Wait fuck Johnny dont think about that prick. After that thought is when I turned on my favorite station and started to drown out my thoughts.

Stevie Nicks' voice filled the vehicle and pushed all the negitive thoughts out of my head making me focus on her voice and the road. After another 3 hours of driving I decided it was probably a good idea to stop and get a hotel room for the rest of the night.

Pulling into the rundown motel parking lot, I looked back at my two sleeping kids and thanked the lord of giving me such wonderful blessings even though their dad was a dick, they was perfect. Getting out of the car I opened Jameson's door first and gentley nudged him awake. "Wake up baby." I whispered. "Mommy where are we?" Rayne asked waking up rubbing her eyes along with Jameson. "We're at a motel somewhere in Missouri." I told them unbuckling Jameson then moving to Rayne. None of us slept well in that shitty motel but it was better than nothing. The next morning around 10 we got back on the road. I drove for about 12 hours straight that day and only pulling over at a truck stop to sleep. It wasn't that I was really watching my money since I had been saving all of my tips from the salon for the last 12 months for this trip and working at one of the best salons in three county I made bank. It was the fact that I couldn't sleep in hotels, everytime I would fall asleep I would wake back up thinking that Johnny had found us. Not that he would come for me but he'd come for the kids. This driving for 8 sleeping for 8 had become a routine for us for the last couple of days. And was working pretty well.

After four days of driving and sleeping at trucks stops we was finally in Navada. "Alright kids, you can get unbuckled let's go in and get some snacks!" I told them as I got out. Walking in the the gas station I noticed about four bikes on the opposite side of the gas pump's and smiled it had been so long since I'd been on the back of a bike.

"Okay, now you can get whatever you want but remember you have to eat good food before your candy." I told the kids. As they went picking out their snacks I grab a bottle of water and a blue powerade. When I gathered the kids up I noticed two of the bikers were standing in front of us in line. 'Sons of Anarchy' I thought to myself taking in the kutte. Hearing a Scottish accent they drew my interest more, making me think of Brit she was always a sucker for a man with an accent especially a Scottish one. I watched as the men payed for their gas and cigarettes and walked back out to their bike.

Putting our stuff on the counter for the cashier to ring up and prepaying for gas I handed her cash and picked up our bag.

I got the kids settled into their seat and the snacks passed out then I went to pumping gas still kind of being to nosy for my own good. I couldn't help it though there was something about those bikers that drew me in. As I was eavesdropping I heard the sexiest voice I have EVER heard. Peaking over the pump to see where that husky voice was coming from I looked into the darkest eyes I've ever seen and from that moment on I was hooked. All I got was a subtle wink and I was weak in the knees. I finished pumping and got back into the car and immediately called Brit to tell her about this dark eyed mystery man.

000000000000000

"Talk to me. " Brit answered after the third ring. "Holy Shit I think I'm in love!" I said with a smile on my face. "What the fuck are you talking about? You smoking again?" She asked full out laughing. "Bitch this ain't funny I'm dead serious! We locked eyes over the gas pump, his eyes were so dark it was like he was looking straight to my soul!" I told her with excitement. Good thing the kids had their headphones on so they couldn't hear me gushing about this mystery man. "Chick you really are sex deprived aren't you." She replied to the statement. "Yes but thats beside the point, Im fucking serious. Plus he was with a MC, had Sons of Anarchy on his kutte, along with the other three that was with him. And his friend had an Scottish accent so I can bang dark eyes you bang the scot!" I said acting like we was in highschool again making a plan on how to bang these random guys we didnt even know. All I heard on the other like was Holy Shit and Britni laughing hysterically. "Whats so funny bitch?" I asked "Was you in Navada when you seen these guys?" She asked me. "Yeah why?" I replied confused as to how she knew that. "You'll see when you get here horndog." She said laughing and then hung up. I looked at my phone disgusted. What the fuck was this bitch talking about? Now not only can I not get this mystery man out of my head but now Im thinking about what I'll have awaiting me when we get there.

- In Charming

Brit's POV

Hanging up with Annie all I could do was laugh, Bitch had no idea what she was walking into. As I was walking across the lot from the garage to the clubhouse the guys that we had just been talking about pulled in. "Hey baby how was the run?" I asked my ol' man leaning in for a kiss. " Good as can be expected lovey." He answered in that deep Scottish accent I love oh so much. "Whats goin' on here?" He asked wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leading me into the clubhouse. "Well...there is something I need to talk to you all about." I said sweetly. "What did ye do know lovey?" He asked taking the shot of whiskey the prospect gave him. "You remember me talking about my best friend Annie and her kids? And how her kids sperm donor is a piece of shit and beats on her and is a druggie piece of shit?" I asked getting angry and clenching my teeth just thinking about what all he's done to her. "Easy there darlin' might blow a fuse." Tig joked. "I just hate his fucking guts. She deserves so much better." I told them. "Okay well what about her?" Chibs asked trying to get me back on track. "Well she finally left him and she'll be here." I was telling him before my phone interrupted me. "Well actually she's here now." I said with a little chuckle. "Listen don't worry she knows how this life works, we grew up in my Uncle's clubhouse so she knows the part and let me tell ya she plays it way better than me." I said laughing. "Well fellas I guess lets go meet the lass." Chibs said as Happy and Tig followed us out to the lot curious to see whonthis Annie was.

ANNIE'S POV

I pulled into the lot and it was stepping back in time. It reminded me so much of Uncle Tommy's clubhouse. "Alright darlings we're here." I said letting out a breath I didnt realize I was holding. "Mommy why are we here?" Jameson asked. "This is where Aunt Brit works. We have to meet her here first then we'll follow her to her house." I explained to both of them. While the kids were getting unbuckled I quickly checked my hair and put on some mascara and chapstick. I took one more quick glance in the mirror and saw Britni followed by three guys making their way toward us. I decided it was time to get out, as I got out I pulled the distressed demin shorts down a little in the front so they wouldnt look so short and pulled my shirt up a little so I wasn't showing so much cleavage. "Bitch!!" I heard as I was opening the back door for the kids to get out. I automatically got a huge grin as soon as I heard her voice I had been to damn long since I had seen my best friend. I turned around and immediately stopped when I seen him. It was him dark eyes from the gas station! I was frozen. My heart was pounding out of my chest! As I stood standing there like an idiot the kids took off running to Britni.

"Hey kiddos! You've gotten so big look at you!" Britni said talking a good look at them.

"I'm seven now Aunt Brit!" Jameson told her a little cocky. "Well you're almost a man!" Brit said with a slight chuckle. When I heard her laugh I snapped out of my trance and started paying attention to the exchanges between my children and the Aunt they haven't seen in years. "And look at you babygirl I can't believe how beautiful you are! I'm so glad you took after your mother and not your ugly ass daddy." She said laughing and looked at me. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. Why don't you kids go play over on the swing set while me and your momma talk?" Britni said looking at them. "Can we momma?" Rayne asked. "Go on." I said smiling and kissing both of them on top of the head before they took off running for the pay ground.

"How was the trip?" She asked pulling out a cigarette and handing it to me with a look knowing that I needed one. "It was good the kids were great. They're actually excited about starting over." I remarked taking a hit of the Marlboro red. "So you gonna introduce us to this beautiful women or what?" Tig said looking me up and down. "Shut up Tig you pervet fuck!" She told him. I couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Annie this is my ol'man Filipe or Chibs as most people know him by." She said with a smile plastered to her face. "Nice to meet you!" I said as I studied him a little better, then my eyes went wide! He's P the guy with the accent I thought to myself. " Aye, nice to meet ya lass I've heard lots about ya and thee rugrats." He said with a smile shaking my hand. Yepp that's confirmed, I thought to myself. "That pervet there is Tig." "Nice to meet ya doll." Tig said as he grabbed my hand and kissed it. Dark eyes just rolled his eyes at Tigs gesture. "And that's Happy the grouchy fuck." She said and looked at me with a shit eatting grin on her face. My heart stopped. I could not believe that he was here she knew exactly who I was gushing about! That bitch. "Hi." I said shyly. All I got was a head nood but that was good enough for me.

[96xie]

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

[oh-styles]

OH MY GOD IM THE ANON WHO REQUESTED THE SAAF BLURB im so happy!! Thank you for writing it!! Omg i dont wanna be annoying but how about when they make up like later he sees her at breakfast and says soemthing about her bag being back pls i just love them so much

No, thank you, and I’m sorry it took me half a century to freaking get to it! Everything gets piled up in my inbox; it’s always a disaster in here. 

By the next morning, she is still a little bitter. The night before she was more sad than anything, but now it’s half passed eight in the morning, she hasn’t had her coffee with two sugars yet, and she’s pissed. 

She’ll be sitting at one of the tables in the lobby with Clare, both having a quick breakfast before they go venturing around the city before the show later that evening. And when he spots her, he really doesn’t know what to say. This is the first time in their year and a half of being together that he really is at a loss for words to say, other than how sorry he was. 

The fight itself began was stupid as they come, and out of nowhere when a sly comment falls from her mouth about how she really hates the attention that comes with being with him, he let’s it slip that, “Probably my fault for getting involved with a nobody!”

It’s a sharp, deep sting, and she instantly retreats, taking a few steps back and darting her eyes around the room for a distraction. She wants him to leave, she wants him to give her space so she can peacefully get her things and find somewhere else to say for the night because she knows one of two things will occur if he stays. 

One, she’ll attempt to leave and he’ll make her stay. Two, she’ll attempt to leave and he’ll let her.

Both didn’t settle right in her gut.

To her astonishment, he does leave without another word. He grabs his room card, his wallet and lets the door close behind him, his phone left behind on the bed sheets.

She gave it a few minutes before she threw her stuff together, and proceeded down the hall to Clare’s room. 

Of fucking course she hated the attention that came with being with him, because when there is one nice person, there are 10 who are shouting you are a homewrecker from the back of the room. 

SAAF y/n is a sensitive little flower who doesn’t take criticism well, and especially doesn’t handle multiple hate accounts of her well either. Despite her keeping everything on private since day one, it hasn’t stopped anyone from showing their horns.

And now Harry is here letting it be known that he regrets being with her.

Harry almost wants to turn right back around but Clare has already turned herself in her chair to stare him down from across the room, and a part of him wants to pretend he’s gotten a phone call, but right as he reaches for his pocket, it’s saaf y/n who finally turns her body around to see who Clare was throwing daggers at, and her heart sinks.

He can’t back out now, not without looking like a coward, which he just about did. If he just apologizes now, getting it all out of the way, they can have a nice afternoon without any tension and all will be well. But when he approaches the table, he sees her spinning her fruit parfait slowly, sizing him up with daggers for eyes. 

“Your bag is back.”

He instantly regrets his choice of words, because he sees her glance cautiously over at Clare so just minutely shrugs and goes back to her oatmeal. 

“Observant.” Her voice is hallow, not her usual sunshine and sparkles he has been used to; he blames it on the fact it’s not noon yet. 

“I, uh…how’s your parfai–”

“Fruity.”

He frantically glances at Clare who, once again, shrugs her shoulders, her way of silently saying, “Sorry, this is all on you, pal.”

“Maybe when you’re done, we can talk–”

“Maybe.”

She fully turns back to her breakfast, and that’s when Harry notices she’s clad in his Muscle Machine hoodie, fuzzy socks and hotel slippers, and knowing quite well that’s the exact hoodie she had stolen from him two years prior, and he would always make fun of her for wearing her fuzzy socks and her hotel slippers around, and something in him ignites because that’s his girl, and he knows damn well better than to leave her alone feeling like shit because of his actions, and if Anne was here right now, she would be slapping the sense into him if he hadn’t done it himself. 

“I’m an absolute tosser. An utter wanker. A giant twat. A fooking prat–”

“Please, shut up.” She mutters between bites of her parfait. 

“I was bound to fuck up at some point, yeah? I’m the biggest prick for what I said, and I can’t believe I fucking said it–to you of all people.” He throws his hand up in emphasis. “I’m sorry. I know you are really committed to your parfait right now, but just know I’m so fucking sorry… There’s nobody else I’d want. Wouldn’t choose anyone over you, pet.”

She remains silent, but she sets her spoon down in her bowl and leans back in her chair. 

“We can talk later, if you want. I’ll be in the room for a bit–”

“I left my key in there.”

It’s those six words that hit him so hard he feels like he could throw up. She left her key in the room. It really was over for her. She was finished, and left the key in the–

“So, give me a second to finish and I’ll come up with you… I should have listened to you, wearing it around my neck on a chain. I always lose things. I really am careless–”

His hands falls harder on the table than he anticipated, but he feels his heart begin to unlatch and float up his throat, and he nearly chokes when he begins to speak. 

“You just left it?” 

“Like I said twice now, yes… You really don’t listen, do you?”

“No–no. I thought you…I mean, your bag is in there so I guess you wouldn’t purposefully leave your key in the room–”

“Please, shut up.”

[maris-a-writer-now]

horrible questions tag pt. 1

i was tagged by @mias97 💕 thank youu!

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? Honestly it depends on a lot of circumstance.

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? my grandma

3. do you regret anything? im pretty sure i’ve answered this question before somewhere, but no. everything i’ve done is something I’ve wanted to do so I can’t regret it.

4. are you insecure? yepppp lmao

5. what is your relationship status? too in love with the world to have a s/o

6. how do you want to die? i actually know how i want this to happen. i want to be waterskiing on the ocean and i wanna do a cool stunt that everyone cheers for, and then a shark comes out of nowhere and eats me.

7. what did you last eat? a make at home biscuit from red lobster

8. played any sports? cheerleading, basketball, soccer, track, softball, volleyball. Probably others but I can’t recall.

9. do you bite your nails? yep.

10. when was your last physical fight? my senior year of high school

11. do you like someone? not someone thats actually attainable so no.

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours? yep

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? i do not

14. do you miss someone? of course

15. have any pets? two lil pups

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment? im feeling so happy honestly

17. ever made out in the bathroom? yee

18. are you scared of spiders? i fucking hate spiders thank 

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? no point in changing the past when im content with how it happened.

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? at a friends apartment

21. what are your plans this weekend? not a damn thing lmao

22. do you want to have kids? how many? i want to have two kids, if i have them, and i want them to be a girl and boy. idk i might want more or less or whatever later on but ive always just pictured me and my husband having two

23. do you have piercings? how many? i have three

24. what is/are/were you beat subject(s) at school? english and science

25. do you miss anyone from your past? yeeppppp

26. what are you craving right now? i really want someone who smells nice to come hug me and play with my hair. also like, chik fil a wouldnt hurt.

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart? i dont think i have, but you never know.

28. have you ever been cheated on? well ive never had a technical boyfriend, buuuuut this one guy was messing around with his ex right when i decided i wanted to be serious so i count that.

29. have you made a boyfriend/ girlfriend cry? never had one boi

30. what’s irritating you right now? ants.

31. does somebody love you? i feel like a good group of people love me

32. what is your favourite colour? i love yellow, turquoise, and gray

33. do you have trust issues? yeah lol

34. who/what was your last dream about? all i know was it had a lot of kpop guys idk. we had some sort of party, i couldnt hear anything, but if i could it wouldve been loud

35. who was the last person you cried infront of? mmmm.. maybe my sister..

36. do you give out second chances too easily? yeah bro. way too easy

37. is it easier to forgive or forget? definitely forgive, cause if you don’t forgive people you live a really hard life. i learned that the hard way.

38. is this the best year of your life? its definitely one of the better years i’ve had

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? 16

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked? nah son

41. do you trust your partner/best friend? i trust my best friends. they know a lot about a lot of things. lol thats vague as shit

42. ever had detention? only twice, but both times it wasnt my fault

43. would you rather live in the countryside or the city? ive lived in both, and i hate how secluded the country is. maybe ill change my mind one day, but for right now its city all the way

44. what do people call you? rissa or mari

45. what was the last book you read? the last thing i read was a book called speak by laurie halse anderson. definitely recommend it. its eye opening.

46. how big of a nerd/dork are you? im not a huge nerd but i am a large dork lmao

47. what kind of music do you listen to? i listen to everything, but mostly kpop (obviously), rock, pop punk, indie rock, metal, and a list thats longer than my life span honestly.

48. how tall are you? 5′6″ or 167

49. do you like kids? fun fact, besides spiders, children are my biggest fear. Like they always cry when theyre around me, and im too loud and i cuss like a sailor. they just give me like hella anxiety.

I tag @tangerine-jinani, @dumb-bin, and @gamerwoo

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

[depressed-alone]

Dear Evan Hansen

So I posted this fic on wattpad and ppl liked it a lot (for some reason) so Im posting it here as well. 

tagging people who wanted to be tagged in my other fic (that i still havent started) if you want to be added or removed feel free to message me.

@screamingoutinrage @scaredysanders @evilmuffin @galacticallynonbinary @mythicalquill @pattons-potato

sorry for any mistakes but im on phone and i have no idea what im doing.

Summary: typical soulmate Au where the first words that you hear from your soulmate is tattooed on you since birth etc.. The idea came from tumblr but i dont know who wrote it actually so i cant credit them sorrry Warnings: death mention (dont worry its not mayor), DEAR EVAN HANSEN SPOILERS! Pairings: I think poly i mean idk i never wrote poly/lamp before but i mean enjoy lol Human! Au It was on his arm for so long. And he still didn’t know what it meant. I can’t believe Connor Murphy died. Who is Connor Murphy? Why is he dead? Why is this the first sentence he will hear from his soulmate? Why? Questions were building up in Virgil’s head. He spent the past 19 years of his life asking the same questions over and over again. He surely won’t find his soulmate after 19 long years. But his best, and only friend Patton still pushed him, still believed in him. He didn’t tell anyone, not even Patton what his tattoo said. Patton didn’t find his soulmate either and he was 20. But he never gave up. He went outside as much as he could, in hopes that someone will pass by and say these five words: This doesn’t make any sense. He also had no idea what his tattoo meant, what made sense but he was hopeful. And that is why they were sitting in Patton’s car to go the theathre. Virgil didn’t want to go, of course he didn’t he wasn’t the going outside type but Patton said he feels something is different. He couldn’t explain it but he said this night will change their life. And boy was he right. “C'mon Verge it’s going to be fun! I promise.” Patton beamed with a comforting smile. He loved going outside. Virgil didn’t. “Whatever. I still don’t like this idea. What are we even watching? I hope it’s something not that boring. But who am I kidding theathre is just boring..” Virgil said with a bored tone in his voice. He didn’t like theathre. It was dark, loud and they were sometimes singing. He didn’t like that kind of singing. He was more of the sad emo type. “It’s called Dear Evan Hansen! If I remember right it’s about two boys who go to high school. One of them is Evan Hansen and the other is… What’s his name? Verge check that little prospectus please. I think it’s on the backseat.” Patton said not getting his eyes off of the road. Virgil didn’t say anything just nodded and climbed to the backseat. It was not the easiest to find the little paper in the mess that was in Patton’s car but he succesfully pulled it out from between the two seats. “I found it” He said as he sat back in the front seat. “Check who’s the other boy in the play please. I can’t remember his name and you know I hate forggetting things.” Patton said. He didn’t hate a lot of things but his forgetfulness was one of them.

Virgil’s eyes scanned the paper for a few seconds when he spotted a name on the page. His breath caught up and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “So what is it kiddo?” Patton asked. After a few minutes of silence he turned to look at Virgil who was just staring at the prospectus in front of him. “Connor Murphy” Virgil whispered and let out a shaky breath. “Is everything alright Verge? Do you want me to pull over?” Patton asked worriedly as he looked back at the road. He felt awful. He wanted to support his friend but he was in the middle of driving. Virgil stayed silent for the rest of the ride. He only shook his head when Patton asked if he wants him to pull over for the second time. “We are here Verge. Are you sure you don’t want to go home? You know it’s okay, I didn’t actually wanted to watch this that much, it doesn’t sound that interesting, so we can totally go home, it would be fine.” Patton rambled as an attempt to calm his friend down. Virgil just shook his head and started to walk towards the theathre pulling Patton with him. Virgil didn’t want to admit but he was actually kind of excited to see this musical. From what he knew it sounded interesting, but of course, it had to be ruined by some random person. “Will you tell me why are you so silent?” Patton asked as he was walking next to Virgil. The boy let Patton go when he was sure that he is following him. “No” Was all that Virgil said but it was enough for Patton to know not to push it. They will just enjoy this together and everything will be alright. They sat down in their seats at the front and waited for other people to fill up the theathre. Beacuse of Patton if they ever went somewhere together they were always super early beacuse Patton didn’t want to miss anything. The play didn’t start for another 15 minutes so Virgil decided to listen to music. As he reached in his pockets to grab his headphones he had to realize that they are in fact missing. “Are you searching for your headphones? Sorry kiddo but maybe today is the big day you can’t miss it out just beacuse you were listening to music.” Patton said with an apologetic smile. Roman’s Pov “Logan we have to go! It’s Dear Evan Hansen!” “I am aware Roman. But is it really that important? There’s no reason for me to go.” Logan asserted. “Yes there is silly. You might find your soulmate! But most importantly I might find my own soulmate. My princess. I’m sure she is beautiful and we will be a perfect match.” Roman exagerrated. “You shouldn’t assume Roman. You might be disappointed. What if it’s not even a girl? It can be a boy. Or a non-binary person. And what if you will be polar opposites. You set your bar too high, and that will cause disappointment.” The other boy stated. “You don’t understand Lo. I can feel it. We will be perfect. I can feel it.” The dramatic one said. “That makes no logical sense. And you can’t know for sure that you will meet them tonight. Also if you really want to see the play, we should go now or we will be late.” Logan pointed out. “Oh gosh you are right we need to go right now. C'mon Logan you don’t wanna miss the play do you?” Roman said and hurried out the door. Logan only sighed and went after the other boy. He was stuck with this drama queen till he finds his soulmate so he, secretly of course, also wants Roman to find his soulmate. And he would never admit it, not even to himself but deep down he too wanted to know who his “other half” is. It was stupid and illogical but he had to know. The theathre wasn’t that far away, it was maybe a ten minute walk and with Roman’s fast walking they arrived in less than five minutes. They went in and sat in the front row. Not that far away two boys sat around the same age. The only reason Logan noticed them is beacuse they looked like they are perfect opposites of each other. One of them wore a dark hoodie with purple paches and the other wore a blue t-shirt. The dark boy’s hair was in his face and his eyeshadow seemed to be under his eyes rather than on his eyelids. They looked odd but Logan didn’t think about them for too long. Everyone fell silent as the play started. Time skippity bc im lazyyy and also dont have any fucking time lol The first act has finished and there was a 15 minute break. Almost everyone stood up to go to the bathrooms or to call someone etc.. They passed in front of the two boys when Logan heard it. “I can’t believe it kiddo.” The sentence was followed with a sob which meant the person was crying. Logan grabbed Roman’s arm and pulled the royal boy with him. “Jesus nerd calm down you look like you just saw a ghost or something. What’s up with you? Why do you look so frightened?” Roman bombed the other boy with questions. “I saw him. My soulmate. I saw him. I heard the sentence.” Logan breathed out. “Why are you so weird? I thought you didn’t care. I mean I’m happy for you but you said you don’t care.” “I thought that too.” Was all Logan said before they heard the theathre guy tell them that they have to go back. Logan hurriedly went back to his row not even waiting for Roman. He kept muttering this doesn’t make any sense. Apparently he was too loud as he heard a squeal from next to him. Of course he was standning right im front of the odd boy with the other weird guy. “Virgil, Virgil, Virgil.” The boy shaked the dark one next to him. Logan just stood there looking at what the two were doing. “What happened Patt? Are you hurt? Why do you look so… happy?” The other boy, Virgil as he just learned his name asked. “Look!” He pulled up his cardigan’s sleeves and revealed that his tattoo was fading. Then Virgil noticed Logan standing there. “Oh. Cool. So you are the guy. That’s cool.” Virgil said as he put his headphones on. At least there was an attempt to put them back, when he heard it. “I can’t believe Connor Murphy died.” It was a boy who wore an outfit close to a Prince’s. There was no way that guy was his soulmate. “You! You are the one!” He shouted suddenly. The royal boy froze in his place and the two boys next to him looked in his direction as well. “Roman?” Logan asked. “Wait you know this guy? I don’t even know you. What’s your name anyways?” Virgil asked as he turned to Logan. “Oh apologise. My name is Logan and that right there is my roommate. His name is Roman. And it seems like you said the words that are on his back.” Logan stated. “Well Roman you spoiled the whole fucking play you know that right? You could have said literally anything else that didn’t contain these words but you, you had to say this. Thanks for spoiling this play. It was really great living my life in fear beacuse the word dead was on my arm. So really thank you.” Virgil scuffed. After a few minutes Patton broke the silence. “Verge calm down, it’s not Roman’s fault. It’s no one’s fault in fact.” The fatherly figure tried to calm both of the boys down. “You… you are a boy. And-and you wear all black and you literally just look like an emo nightmare. I’ve waited 20 years for this?” Roman asked as he pointed towards the dark boy. “Woah there. You don’t have to be mean. You don’t even know Virgil. You just critize him by his appearance. And that is not a good thing to do.” Patton said with a serious voice. “Very much so. Roman I told you. If you set your expectation too high you will probably be disappointed. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be a girl that is just plain stupid. Gender shouldn’t matter. Nor appearance. Personality is the one thing that matters.”

 Virgil’s eyes were scanning between the three boys in front of him. They were defending… him. Of course Patton always stood up for him, since he started high school the bubbly boy was always with him. But this new guy. He didn’t even know him. Why can’t the smart and kind boy be his soulmate? As he was thinking about this he felt something burning on his upper arm. It seemed like the three other boy experienced this too so they looked at each other then at their arms. He pulled up his sleeves and saw that the question What? was on his arm. But that’s not all. He also had I don’t understand and This makes no sense all tattooed on both his arms.

 "What?“ Patton suddenly asked. He was as confused as the others but everyone gasped as the word What started to fade from all of their arms. "I don’t understand.” Was the next sentence that started to fade from the boys’ arms. It was Roman who said this in complete confusion. “This makes no sense” Logan stated. The last sentence faded from Virgil’s arm. The other three looked at him. They all had the same sentence on their arm and Virgil said it immideatly. “I’m gonna faint.” He said and he fell to the ground. Or he would have fell if Roman didn’t jump behind him to catch him.

 okay so im ending this here beacuse im shit at endings sorry.

[choisgirls]

Are requests open?? My friend got me in Captain America, and I thought about how would the RFA+V+Saeran react to a Winter Soldier!MC? Or Black Widow, whichever you like. It could be angst or not, I will leave it up to you, thanks 💜💙

A/N: CIVIL WAR IS ONE OFMY FAVOURITE MOVIES AND STEVE ROGERS AND BUCKY ARE SOME OF MY CHILDREN F CUK (ihope this doesnt have any spoilers for you or anyone else who isn’t as far intothe marvel universe as i am oops) ((and i cant do angst, double oops, sorry)) ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG:

               -You’reso cute and innocent, just like him and he loves it!

               -Exceptuh you aren’t…. exactly…. innocent? wow 404 so original, i didn’t seethat coming

               -Thetwo of you don’t keep any secrets from each other!!

               -So,that being said, you decided that he NEEDED to know about your past

               -Yousat him down and explained how, in the past, you’ve gone through intensetraining growing up

               -“??What kind of training?? Like for sports?”

               - oh,no sweetheart

               -Wait,you’re a spy?? Like you do the stuff Saeyoung does??? waIT YOU KILL PEOPLE TOO,WHAT THE

               -HETHOUGHT YOU WERE INNOCENT BUT APPARENTLY NOT???? It takes him a while tore-adjust due to shock (like a few weeks of not talking to you kind of while), but he still loves you nonetheless. He holds on to thebelief that!! It’s something you had to do!!! You had to do it all to survive!!And you’re here with him now, that’s all he cares about

               -Thoughhe is REALLY sad about not being able to have children with you because of yourtraining. It takes him a couple of months to come to terms with this but overtime, he decides that he’s just happy to be with you (and that adopting andmaking a kids life is perfectly okay with him!!!)

*ZEN:

               -You’remore flexible than him, holy shit

               -“MC!How! Were you in dance? Are you in dance now?” eyebrow wiggle, winkwonk

               -Youtell him that you’re flexible because of your job

               -Sowhen he asks about it, you casually drop that you’re previously known as aWinter Soldier; You had to be flexible for combat

               - imsorry you whAT

               -“Combat?What kind of combat? MC? What’s a Winter Soldier?? MC!” calm down stop yelling

               -Youtold him that you were basically an agent who’s powerful enough to be used as aweapon if the government wants you to be (because let’s be honest withourselves here, that’s what they are), he FLIPS OUT

               -WHATTHE FUCK MC??? YOU’RE A WHAT??? YOU CAN DO WHAT??? YOU JUST- JUST WHAT?

               -Ittakes DAYS for him to process this and come to terms with it. You’re sodangerous! But he still loves you. But… you can be in serious danger at anygiven moment and just!!! MC!!!

               -Heloves you though. He promises to do his best to protect you no need zen butthank you and he just wants to help his MC! Everything that’s happened isbehind you, and he just wants to be in your future, happy and safe! So he comesaround and starts to make jokes about it when he’s comfortable again you cancome play with my guns mc, wink wonk

*JAEHEE:

               -Shekeeps folders of everyone in the RFA but how in the world did this piece ofinformation get past her?

               - becauseits a secret jaehee, ya dont announce to the world when you’re a spy ya goof

               -Extremelytaken back by the announcement. A spy? An assassin? What the FUCK

               -SHE’SJUST A SIMPLE COFFEE LOVING ASSISTANT SHE NEVER EXPECTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS

               -Butalmost instantly, she’s asking you to teach her some moves

               -Sheknows judo but doN’T STOP THERE MC, SHE’S GOT A FIRE INSIDE

               -Alwaysreally worried for you? You can just leave the house for some groceries andshe’s worried as hell

               -Triesher hardest to always be there for you- you wanna talk about something, she’sthere. No matter how brutal or extreme the story is, she’s here for it

               -Once,you tried to compare your work to Saeyoung’s and she immediately shut you downbecause “You take your job seriously, MC” saeyoung crying in thedistance

               -Alsowants you to teach her how to be as flexible as you are because holy s h i t MCthat’ll make everything so much easier for her

*JUMIN:

               -Immediatelyknew something was up and that you were hiding something from him

               -Did heknow what? No. Was he going to find out? Obviously

               -He’sextremely straight forward, so casually asks what you’re hiding from him

               - thoughhe could have waited until you were done drinking?? Because choking on wineiSN’T FUN

               -Butyou decide that there’s no point in hiding anything when he straight up asksyou about it, so you tell him that you might…. have been trained as a WinterSoldier

               -“Ah,I see. I suppose that explains why you know so many languages”

               -I’msorry but uh?? Where is the shock??? The emotion??? juMIN THROW ME A BONE HERE

               -He hasliterally NO REACTION? Like he just doesn’t care? You are who you are and heloves you anyway

               -Hedoes try not to get on your bad side though because he does NOT want to seethat training in action no thank you mc

               -Alsotries to stay away from anything Russian because who KNOWS what could set youoff?? He obviously doesn’t know and he’s not about to even attempt it

*SAEYOUNG:

               -I’msure he’d find out from his background check

               -Sureyou can try to hide it but he’s reallygood at his job

               -Buthe’s SHOCKED AS HELL to find out that you’ve basically gone through the same trainingas him?

               -Youknow tons of languages, can fight, AND you’re a spy

               -“MCWE’RE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER” saeyoung what are you talking about

               -Helikes to mess with you though, and bring up the fact that you’re a WinterSoldier every chance he can get

               -“Heydoes being a Winter Soldier mean you won’t get cold so i can keep my jacket tomyself?”

               - saeyoungyou and i both know that’s not what that means

               -Hedoes worry about you a lot though, since obviously someone somewhere could beout to get you.

               -Silentlyvows to protect you at any cost! Overall it doesn’t really bother himbecause??? He’s done a lot of the same stuff, if he judges you then he’d be ahypocrite

*V:

               -Ithink he’d know because of Saeyoung’s background check

               -Buthe’d wait until you were ready to tell him about it

               -NEVEREVER wants to force you to tell him something like this because?? It’sextremely personal?? And it’s a lot to handle?? And he truly doesn’t blame youfor hiding it and not just flaunting your job title around

               -Thatbeing said, he isn’t surprised by the news at all

               -“Iknow, MC. It’s alright” what

               -He’sdone some terrible things in the past and he regrets them all, but you’rewilling to accept him for who he is and not dwell on what he’s done

               -So hedoes the exact same thing for you! He just really loves you MC

               - plusyou’ve done the things you’ve done for work or something of the sort notbecause youre fucking crazy like rika im not even sorry for this

               -Thetwo of you will talk about what it means to be a Winter Soldier every now andagain but nothing further than that

               -Ifyou’re ever feeling down thinking about the past, he’s always there to remindyou that it’ll be okay! You don’t have to let it get to you

*SAERAN:

               -I’msorry you fucking what?

               -He’skilled some people but yoU? YOU’VE DONE IT TOO? WHAT THE

               -You???You’re so…cute? And not threatening looking to him at all? How the fuck

               -Heisn’t angry about it per say but he’s shocked as all hell and expresses itsimilar to anger my poor bby

               -Ittakes a while for him to come to terms with the fact that you’re literally atrained assassin

               -“Soyou’re like a spy or some shit, right?” I mean yeah technically

               -“ThenI picked the perfect person to infiltrate the RFA why the hell didn’t itwork?” because rikas a fuckin bitch and u deserve better

               -He’sactually okay with it in the long run? Like you can’t take back what you did,and neither can he

               -Soit’s better to just move on from it all, and that’s what he’s trying to do andhopes you do too

               -Alsookay with the fact you can’t have kids because of your training. He’s alwaysafraid of having kids, if the two of you want to have kids y'all can adopt,he’s cool with it

[cometcrystal]

Okay, I officially want to get into the gorillaz because of all your reblogs. So, if you are not busy, please Tell. Me. Everything. I want to know history/best songs/fun facts/anything. Please and thank you.

im so excited!! i love that my reblogs made you wanna get into gorillaz that makes me so beyond happy

gorillaz is a virtual band, and the members are 2d (lead singer), murdoc (bass), noodle (guitar), and russel (drums). these are just characters, though, and the irl members of gorillaz are MANY. there’s been SO MANY people that have worked on gorillaz, and i wouldn’t be surprised if it was in the hundreds. but the main guys are damon albarn, who does the music, and jamie hewlett, who does the artwork!

the best songs from each phase are just my own opinion and all of their albums are definitely worth full listens, these are just the ones that i personally love the most!

self-titled

5/4. i have no excuse for this one it’s just sick

clint eastwood, which is what a lot of ppl say but honestly? there’s a reason this one was the big single off this album

slow country, bc it is SO overlooked

demon days

o green world, i love the creepy horror movie noises in it

dirty harry, especially live performances, go look up the BRITS performance of this song and look how much fun the kids are having

don’t get lost in heaven/demon days. the first time i listened to this pair of songs, i was at an assembly for school and ignoring it with my ipod and it was an EXPERIENCE

plastic beach

welcome to the world of the plastic beach, you cannot go wrong with snoop dogg

rhinestone eyes, because it feels very classic gorillaz

on melancholy hill is beautiful and ethereal 

DONCAMATIC

others

rockit is just a jam lets be honest

the soulchild remix of 19-2000, which i actually like better than the original

revolving doors (i count this one as other bc The Fall is such an anamoly of an album)

doyathing is just so much fun

let it out is shaping up to be my favorite song off of humanz we’ve seen so far but i am filing it under “others” because the album isnt out yet!

AND there is a certain order you should watch the music videos, since it goes with the story! phase 1 is ok to watch out of order imo but phase 2 and 3 need to stay in order.

Tomorrow Comes Today

Clint Eastwood

19-2000

5/4 (Storyboard)

Rock the House

Rockit

DARE

Dirty Harry

Feel Good Inc.

El Manana

Stylo

Melancholy Hill

Broken (Live Visual)

Doncamatic

Rhinestone Eyes (Storyboard)

DoYaThing

and now ill do my best to summarize the entire lore! this will be under a cut because it is so so much already. the gorillaz wiki also does a really good job of explaining this story on each of the character’s pages if you want more detail!

pre-phase 1 and phase 1 (xxxx-2000)

murdoc is the oldest member, and he grew up in a shitty household where his father made him humiliate himself for money. his nose got broken in fights several times and permanently misshaped it

2d grew up in a good household with supportive parents, and his first job was in a record store. this is where murdoc crashed his car one day right into 2d’s face and put him in a coma, making one of his eyes pure black

murdoc was assigned to look after 2d as part of his probation, and ended up giving him MORE head trauma when he tried impressing some girls with car tricks w/ the comatose 2d in the car. 2d woke up with both his eyes black, and murdoc knew he had to be his dream band’s frontman. 2d’s paranoia and anxiety is made worse w/ murdoc around

russel’s backstory is the saddest i think, he grew up in america and had several close friends, but they were all killed in a drive-by shooting except him. their spirits inhabited his body and they come out sometimes to rap, like his best friend and soulmate Del does for clint eastwood and rock the house. but he also suffers really bad mental problems because of this

murdoc kidnapped russel to be the drummer for gorillaz after he secured 2d, and russel was going to leave until he heard the kind of music murdoc wanted to do, and liked it

all 3 of them stayed in a run-down music studio called kong studios

noodle was created as past of a japanese experiment about manufacturing superchildren for the military, and her specialty was music but her brain is programmed with knowledge on how to kill. after she and the other children turned 10, Mr. Kyuzo, who was in charge of the project, saved noodle after the government scrapped the project and killed all the other children.

gorillaz was originally going to have 2d’s girlfriend at the time, paula cracker, as their guitarist, but she was booted after she and murdoc were caught fucking in one of the stalls at kong studios

so they needed a guitarist, so they put out an advertisement and literally moments later, a giant crate showed up at kong. noodle was inside, since mr. kyuzo had seen the ad and sent her to safety. the only word she could speak in english was “noodle”, so that’s how she got her name

the band released an album and toured and all that band stuff, you can see some of the slice of life stuff on youtube in videos called “bitez” but the Fancy Dress one is kinda tasteless on murdoc’s part, im just warning you. it was from 2000 and gorillaz has moved past jokes like that, even with murdoc

eventually, the band was allowed to make a movie, but due to arguing between everyone, they felt the tension was too high and decided to split up for a while

in-between phase 1 and phase 2 (2000-2005)

2d went back home and worked at his dad’s carnival, had a good time

murdoc lived in a brothel and then went to prison for a while but escaped

russel just wandered some but the grim reaper found him and took the souls of his dead friends from his body, leading to him having a massive breakdown. he lived in ike turner’s basement for a bit after that

noodle went to japan to learn about her past (since she didn’t remember anything about the project due to mind wiping) and the phrase “ocean bacon” triggered her brain to remember everything. she also remembered how to speak every language bc that was part of her programming

when noodle returned to kong by herself, she spent a while getting rid of the zombies while she wrote the first draft of the album demon days. she called the boys back when she was done because she needed them to help her finish it

phase 2 (2005)

after the album demon days was out for a while, noodle had been considering taking another break (lmao can they please chill out for two seconds) so she made a plan with murdoc to help her FAKE HER DEATH

he helped her make it look like the floating island in the feel good inc/el manana music videos crashed and she died in the wreckage, but she escaped

there’s SO many versions of this story, one of which noodle DID die and went to hell, but murdoc is unreliable and noodle said she faked her death in a recent phase 4 interview so i believe her

with noodle gone, the band saw nothing else to do but go their separate ways yet again, 2d and russel greatly saddened by noodle’s disappearance 

phase 3 (2010)

murdoc cannot go too long without attention, so he decided that gorillaz needed a 3rd album. he kidnapped 2d AGAIN and couldn’t find russel so he jsut created a drum machine to drum in his place. the only problem is, their guitarist was “dead”

murdoc went to the el manana wreckage and found some of noodle’s DNA, and using this, created cyborg noodle. cyborg noodle is modeled after her 15 year old self, and is equipped with several guns, some of them built into her. she never speaks

murdoc takes all of this to an island that is the furthest from any point on land that he has decked out; plastic beach. it is just an island of floating trash with a condo on it. he keeps 2d in the basement, which terrifies him since 2d is afraid of whales and they go by his window underwater every way

there is also a villain in this phase named the boogie man. i’m honestly not sure what his motivation is other than being evil

russel hears that murdoc is up to some fuck shit so he straight up just. walks into the ocean and starts swimming to find him. on the way he eats something radioactive, and this makes him grow to the size of a building 

noodle has also decided to come out of hiding for reasons unknown. she has the same idea as russel; she’s going after murdoc on a cruise line, when the boogie man’s pirates find out she is there, and attack the ship and sink it

noodle escapes on a lifeboat with only her guitar, and ends up finding russel in the ocean! she and her dad have both gotten bigger in different ways and she just sticks with him

they find plastic beach, which is being attacked by more pirates. noodle kills cyborg noodle after cyborg malfunctions and tries killing murdoc, but also? 2d said in a recent interview that cyborg noodle is still alive? so who knows

2d is swallowed by a whale (dont worry he ends up fine)

in between phase 3 and phase 4 (2010-2017)

the doyathing video does not fit with current canon so everyone in the fandom just agrees it was someone’s dream, probably 2d’s

murdoc escaped the plastic beach battle and lived in a submarine w/ cyborg for a bit until the government found him and threw him in jail again. they agreed to let him out if he created a 4th gorillaz album, so he works on trying to round everyone else up again

the whale that 2d was in died and washed up on a shore somewhere, and 2d crawled out. he lived as a castaway for a little bit until he figured out there was a town not far from where the whale washed up, and then he just spent peaceful time there. he voluntarily went back to the rest of the band after this

russel was harpooned in the ocean and taken to north korea, where he existed as an attraction for a while, cause he was still a giant. his lack of a food source made him shrink back to normal size, and he was let go. he went back to london and was eventually contacted by murdoc 

noodle woke up in a japanese fishing village after the pirate attack, and a family there helped her so she decided to work for them to repay them. while working for them, she accidentally released a demon, and spent years tracking him and finally killed him

after taking care of that, noodle packaged herself up and shipped herself to murdoc just like she did when she was 10 

and now everyones just having a good and fun time not kidnapping each other or trying to kill each other

and that’s pretty much it so far!! like i said, the gorillaz wiki has really good biographies for all the individual characters

that was so long but i tried condensing the story as much as possible! i hope this was helpful for you and if you have any more questions please ask, i love talking about gorillaz so much but it’s also a very confusing lore with contradictions