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gubler-me-up · 3 years

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Not That Kind of Tie

Request(s): Pls write me some smutty Hotch if that’s okay w you 🥺

heyy baby, could you write a smut one shot, with aaron hotchner, where he is a dom and the reader is a sub with a lot of degradation and him calling the reader names and just being mean?

if your not comfortable with it, that’s completely fine!! i love your writing and i hope you have a wonderful day xx

A/N: Thank you for the requests, anons! I know I said I would post this on the weekend but I’ve never written a Hotch fic so it was hard to make a concept. Had to take several breaks to ask myself if I was even writing this properly??? Hopefully it’s good and you like it! Idk if I’ll write another Hotch fic tho i dont think is for me unfortunately 🤟🏾😔 but this was a good change of character to write for. I hope you enjoy and happy reading!

Couple: Dom!Hotch/Sub!reader

Category: Smut (NSFW 18+)

Content warning: Penetrative sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, degradation, fingering, spanking, swearing, male ejaculation (in mouth), slight blowjob, slight bondage

Word count: 3k

——————–

You knocked on Hotch’s office door to give him the files you stayed behind to finish up. You had slacked off a bit on your paperwork for Hotch and didn’t want to leave him waiting any longer. You had no idea why he had given you so much paperwork to do but you weren’t upset about it. He liked your work and must have trusted you enough to work diligently on them. Besides, you weren’t mad about spending a few extra hours with Hotch.

“Come in,” Hotch said.

You opened the door. You greeted Hotch with a gentle smile before you walked in. He only peaked up to see who it was before he looked back down to carry on with his work. Typical behaviour for him.

You slowly approached his desk and dropped the files on it, deeply hoping he would look up at you. Something about him simultaneously ignoring you but favouring you enough to keep you around longer than the rest made you curious. You wanted to look into his eyes to see if the answers laid there.

He didn’t look up again. He diligently worked through his own paperwork, not giving you the attention your curiosity craved. However, your curiosity would just have to wait.

You pivoted around to leave his office. You walked towards the door faster than you walked towards his desk. You doubted your speed would cause him to look up. If your slow, eye-catching walk up to his desk didn’t pique his interest, you doubted anything would.

“Y/N.”

You turned around surprised to hear him utter your name. He rarely called you by your first name. It sounded monotone, as usual, but there was something in it that sparked a fire in you. It didn’t sound as if he needed you for any reason in particular. It seemed he just called you to call your name. You turned around to flash a smile his way.

“Yes, sir?” You asked.

“Close the door and take a seat,” he said.

You would have questioned him further but he immediately looked back down at his paperwork to continue filling it out. You didn’t mind his demands since any time in his presence was a good time to you. You were happy to be so close to him in his office even if it was just to hear him talk to you for a few seconds.

You closed the door as he instructed and made your way over to the chair in front of his desk. As soon as you did he looked up at you. There was no-out-of-the-ordinary expression on his face. Then again he was the master of hiding any visible emotions.

“Y/N, I want to talk to you about your work,” he said.

You looked at him worried. It didn’t seem as if he was upset about your work. Then again even when he was upset he sounded calm. However, after working with him for five years you knew him well enough to know he would have addressed any concerns he had earlier. He would never push off talking to you about your work for so long.

“I don’t think that’s what you want to talk about,” you said.

Hotch broke his usual calm, neutral demeanour when you made your bold statement. He raised his eyebrows in surprise at what you had said. You looked at him with a smirk as you shrugged your shoulders.

“I’ve known you for far too long to know you wouldn’t want to talk to me about my paperwork if there was something wrong with it,” you said.

“I don’t want to criticize your work. Your paperwork is always perfect,” he said.

A smile appeared on your face but you quickly pressed your lips together to refrain it. He had praised you for your work before which was always music to your ears. His words had such a way with you. His words could wrap around you like a nice bow or like his hands around your neck. His large, strong hands probably capable of bringing you to your knees.

“Y/N?” He asked.

You blinked twice as you snapped out of your inappropriate thoughts. You were pretty sure the fact you two were the only ones left in the bureau was getting to you. You smiled at him to show him you were all there. With his level of profiling skills, you doubted he believed your mind was on track with the conversation at hand.

“Yes, sir,” you said.

“As I was saying, your paperwork is perfect but sometimes I feel as if your mind wanders other places leaving you to do your paperwork past the end of the day,” he said.

“I’m not distracted. I like staying behind to do my paperwork late,” you said.

“You stay as late as me some nights,” he said.

That was a true fact he stated. You would stay behind as late as he would on some nights to do your paperwork. You both would leave at the same time which meant you got to witness Hotch after hours more than anyone else on the team did. It always felt so intimate between you two whenever you were in the elevator leaving the office.

Every time you two would stand next to each other and talk about whatever came to mind. When your hands brushed against each other, you could feel yourself holding back from holding it. He would never move away from you either. He would stand with high confidence next to you as he talked with fire in his voice. It was hard resisting a man like him.

One time your resistance was at an all-time low. You had to have him. You needed him to indulge in you in depths he never knew you had. He gazed at you a second too long in the elevator once and you leaned towards him. He didn’t move or flinch in the slightest.

He let your lips land on his as you embraced him in a desperate kiss. He grabbed your ass and squeezed it as he indulged in your kiss. It ended as soon as the elevator doors opened but you were hooked. The feeling of his lips, his tongue, his hands. You craved it again.

“Is that an issue? It’s just a preference of mine to get my paperwork out during after-work hours. You know, get to let my hair down and loosen up,” you said.

“I can tell,” he said.

His eyes gazed down at your halfway unbuttoned blouse before they looked back up at you. You hadn’t forgotten you had unbuttoned your blouse. You had gotten hot while working so you unbuttoned it. You were going to button it up before going into his office but you decided to leave it as it was, hoping he’d noticed. You were glad he finally did.

“Are you going to say this goes against dress code?”

“You’re not on the clock, so it doesn’t. Anyway, please don’t make it a habit to stay late so frequently to complete paperwork,” he said.

“I understand, sir. I won’t distract you any further,” you said.

“Distract me?” He asked.

You smirked. “Yeah, your eyes seemed unfocused for a second.”

He stared at you for a second before he shook his head with a small smirk on his face. He looked down at his case file and closed it. You watched as he shuffled all his files together to put them in a pile. You guessed it was time for him to leave the office for the night. However, you weren’t quite ready to go.

“Sorry for inappropriately looking at you. It was unprofessional of me,” he said as he stood up.

“No, it’s okay,” you said as you shot up from your seat.

He raised an eyebrow at your eager ejection from your seat. To say you were excited to be in an elevator again with him was an understatement.

You were curious what would happen if you went just a little further this time. Would he deny you or entice you?

You wanted to know what could happen before you two entered the elevator. You leaned over his desk to get close enough to his tie. You watched him watch you grab it out of where it was tucked behind his suit jacket. He didn’t move or flinch at your touch. He let you carry on.

You looked down at his tie and caressed your thumb on it. Quality silk for a quality man. A flood of thoughts passed by your mind you just had to voice aloud. You looked up at him as you bit your lip.

“Would you use this to tie my hands together?” You asked.

His face almost broke when you said that. He had to press his lips together to hold his smirk back. You could already see past his stone-cold demeanour.

“It’s not that kind of tie,” he said.

You let go of his tie to lean back. You placed your hands out in front of him with your wrists touching. He looked at them long as if you had presented the greatest temptation to him. He then looked back up at you to see the sensuality in your eyes.

“It can be,” you said.

“Y/N-“

“Don’t tell me you’re against punishing me for going against the dress code,” you said.

You said all the words you knew would tempt him to his core. His alpha male personality mixed with his sex drive wouldn’t dare give up the opportunity to punish you for breaking a rule.

“Are you begging?” He asked.

“You could say so. Would you take me more seriously if I begged on my knees?” You asked.

He didn’t answer you. He just stuck his index finger up and twirled it. You understood your cue and turned around. You sat on the edge of his desk with your hands behind you.

No words were exchanged between you two. Just the feeling of his tie wrapping around your wrists and your heart pounding against your chest. You felt the last pull of his tie on your wrists as he tightened it.

“Turn around,” he demanded.

You turned back around to look him directly in his eyes. You could see the full control on his face. His eyes pierced through your core. You enjoyed the way his look could even make you submit. You would have let him fuck you in the elevator but his office would do.

Hotch shoved his thumb in your mouth. He cupped your chin and pulled you close to him. He leaned in close to examine your desperate face. You smirked around his thumb.

“I never knew you’d submit to being a whore so easily. I would have done this sooner if I knew,” he said.

He removed his thumb from your mouth before grabbing you by your face. He pulled you towards him but your face was the only part of you that could reach that far. Your hips hit his desk hard as the top of you was slightly bent forward.

He placed a quick, aggressive kiss on your lips before he pulled away to look at you. You breathed heavily as you stared at him. If his kiss could knock the wind out of you, you were positive you were going to be breathless after what he had planned for you.

He let go of your face to make his way behind you. His hand caressed down your back. It curved over your ass and slipped under your skirt. You yelped as soon as you felt his fingers dig into your skin. He squeezed it even harder when he heard you yelp.

“I thought you were begging to be a whore,” he said as he lifted your skirt.

“I am,” you said.

He spanked your ass. “That’s not begging, whore.”

“Please treat me like a whore,” you begged.

He spanked your ass again. “Beg to be fucked like a whore.”

“Fuck me like a whore,” you begged.

He spanked your ass again. “Again.”

“Fuck me like the whore I am,” you begged.

He spanked your ass one last time before he moved your underwear to the side. You bit your bottom lip in excitement. The area of your ass where he had spanked you stung immensely but it was a little taste of how he’d treat you.

You craved everything he had to offer you. The caress of his hand. The hair pulling. The fucking. You wanted to experience it all. And you would get exactly what you wished for.

He grabbed a bundle of your hair in his hand and pulled you halfway up. His other hand was up to no good between your legs. You moaned aloud as you felt him rapidly flicking your clit.

Your legs started to shake the more he flicked. He then slapped your pussy with a brass harshness. You yelped at the feeling but it wasn’t in a bad way. It sent a shock through you that you had never felt before.

“Why the fuck are you shaking?” He asked.

“Because you’re-“

He cut you off by shoving two fingers in you. He pumped in and out of you with speed as he indulged in the sound of you shrieking. He placed his lips against your ear.

“I don’t want a whore like you to answer. I just need you to take whatever I give you. Understood?” He said.

“Yes,” you shrieked.

“Yes fucking who?” He asked.

“Yes, sir,” you shrieked.

He pulled his fingers out of you. You heard him fumble around with his belt and soon his pants zipper. You gasped when you felt his hard dick hit your ass as it popped out of his underwear.

You couldn’t see it but you knew you were about to take a lot of dick. Your heart raced immensely at the thought of him repeatedly pounding into you. You bit your bottom lip just fantasizing about it.

“Your whore pussy better be able to take my whole cock,” he hissed in your ear.

You felt yourself throbbing down below at his words. You were more than ready to take him whole. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Yes, sir,” you said.

He did just what he said and shoved his whole cock into you. You screamed as he pounded into you over and over again, giving you no breaks. He shoved you down onto his desk to get you into a 90-degree angle. You definitely felt how deep he could go in the position you were in.

“That’s right, fucking take it like a disgusting whore,” he said.

You did as he asked. You let him rearrange your guts with no questions asked. You knew from the moment he kissed you and grabbed your ass in the elevator a few days back he wanted to do this to you.

The way he rammed his dick into you made you think the desk would tumble over. The force he had was remarkable. You couldn’t imagine getting fucked better than what he was giving you.

“Does your disgusting mouth want my cum?” He asked.

“Of course, sir,” you moaned.

He pulled out of you and immediately grabbed your arm. He yanked you off the desk to stand you upright. He pulled you down to the ground. You didn’t hesitate to go on your knees for him.

You looked at his dick and saw it glistening with your juices that coated it. You licked your lips as you looked up at him with excitement in your eyes. You opened your mouth to show him just how eager you were for him to cum in your mouth.

He grabbed your hair to hold your head in place. He used his other hand to stroke his dick to shoot his cum in your mouth. His dominant look sent chills down your spine. You don’t think you could ever look at him again without craving that look.

“You better not waste a fucking drop, whore,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” you said.

He then stuck his dick into your mouth and you felt his warm cum drip down your throat. You made sure not a single drop went to waste by giving his dick a slight suck. He looked at you pleased that you followed his instructions, even did a little more for him.

“That’s how I treat desperate whores,” he said.

You took your mouth off his dick. You smirked up at him. You could just imagine yourself being his whore day in and day out. Now that you got a taste, you wanted more.

“Then let me be your desperate whore more often,” you said.

He smirked as he let go of your hair. He pulled up his pants and underwear to fix himself up. He then turned his attention to you. He pulled you up by your arm and turned you around.

You could feel him untying your hands to set you free. You sighed to yourself because you wanted more of him. You could only hope the feeling was mutual.

You turned back around to see him shining his tie around his neck to tie it. You smirked as you stopped his hands from tying it. He looked at you with a questionable look in his eyes but his smile still remained.

“I guess it is that kind of tie,” you chuckled.

He smirked. “Only for you.”

“Doe this mean I can be your whore frequently?” You asked.

“Of course,” he said.

“Can we start in the elevator?” You asked.

He chuckled before leaning in to give you a kiss that you desperately wanted to feel again. You felt his hands wrap around you as he embraced you deeper into the kiss. As much as you loved experiencing his dominant side, experiencing the softer side of Hotch was the best reward you could ever crave.

—–

MASTERLIST

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#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch imagine #hotch x y/n #hotch smut #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds smut

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lochnessies · 3 years

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ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad).

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace.

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system.

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society.

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious.

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic.

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place.

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

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energyanon · 3 years

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Heres Henry. It’s gonna be 2 parts cause this one was pretty intense for me. I have a feeling other people checked on him today too and didn’t close it properly 👀 guys if you’re gonna do it, close it properly pls. Also yes anon you were right about the intensity, but I knew that already. I felt it when I saw the post. Here is part one.

Placed HC.

Henry:

Eyes heavy, heart racing. Constriction in the chest (if you remember from my second reading with him and NV there was constriction there too, but I don’t have NV placed here)

Deep sighs from him and he couldn’t stand up he had to sit on the floor.

This feels like depression.

Not just an emotion of sadness, actual depression, like.. once again he’s on the edge of getting emotional and crying but just can’t seem to get them out (I find it very easy to cry and with seb I cried my heart out. If I had a choice I’d make him cry cause it’s not healthy to keep it in, but there is such a strong block to actually cry for him)

It feels rooted in masculinity, I won’t lie. There is something that keeps sending me back to “you can’t cry there’s nothing to cry about.” He feels so alone though.

He wants to fold into himself but he won’t do that either. There’s a bit of a sense of “you’re being dramatic, this isn’t worth feeling sad over”

Another deeeeeeep sigh.

And that made the tears come to the eyes, but I’m still not crying just yet. And it’s stopped again.

For real, everytime there is one iota of a feeling he shoves it down.

The way he feels is like.. you know when you feel like you’ve just wasted your life.. and you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing and the future just doesn’t seem worth it. It’s not suicidal by any means I’m not getting those thoughts but it’s more like..

what’s the point? Drifting. He kind of feels like he’s floating in space and it’s not a peaceful feeling, but it’s not panicked as you would be, it’s like a complete feeling of hopelessness there is nothing I can do.. I’m out of energy.

Once again that brought water to the eyes but they won’t fall.

If he had a choice he would just lie on the ground face down.

But once again, I’m allowing him to do that but he won’t move me there. It’s like he wants to but he doesn’t want to show that “weakness” except there’s no one here observing him it’s just me. Whatever this is, it’s so deeply rooted that he can’t even be himself around himself. Another deep sigh.

He doesn’t want to do anything he has no desire to move from his place on the ground, there’s barely any thoughts besides just completely lost and he really wants to just lay face down but he won’t let himself. He doesn’t even have the energy to let me get another placement…being in this I honestly just feel.. nothing. it’s not an absence of feeling per say but it’s.. I just don’t care. I don’t care about anything. He’s trying to, he’s really trying but he’s lost the feeling.

There’s chocolate in this room and he wants to eat it (comfort)

I literally had to drag myself to go get another placement cause he was not moving.

I put down career, and it wanted to be on top of him. I tried to not do that as I’m gonna have to read career on top of Henry and that’s difficult but it genuinely wouldn’t let me place it anywhere else, it’s on TOP of him.

Career

Career doesn’t seem to care that it’s on him, it’s fine being on Henry. It said “I wanna crush Henry” standing on him make its feet warm and it likes that. Hen also seems hard to it though, like standing on rocks. It’s really uncomfortable to be standing here now. Like it feels like I’m pressing my feet hard into rocks my feet really hurt.

Henry

Henry feels breathless with Career on him and I can literally feel the weight of it on me. it’s contorting my neck down and my back feels like it’s carrying this heavy thing my back is hurting now. I genuinely feel like I’m carrying something so heavy on my back and neck. It feels like it’s slowly crushing me. He’s a bit stressed about it but he can’t move. He defo wants to be out of this situation though. My body genuinely feels like I’m slowly folding into myself and I’m getting crushed under my own weight. He also feels a bit dizzy and cannot concentrate on anything else besides being crushed. I need to get myself out of this cause it really hurts.

I’m not going to do a constellation for him (no permission and also he needs to do him. I cant fix the guy) but I am barely moving career just so it is no longer crushing him and that’s the only Change I’m making cause nothing can move from here if career doesn’t move. I asked him where he wanted career, he said just in front of him, I asked if he wanted it facing him, he said no just in front. (This isn’t something I usually do I won’t talk to them, but I still needed some sort of approval in order to move career and essentially “shift” the energy.)

I (as in me) need to take so many breaks from him cause it’s so intense to be in his energy right now.

Henry:

He’s looking at career, career has its back turned, his body is still suffering a bit from being crushed, but he just feels sad and hopeless looking at career. It’s bigger than him but not massively so. But he also feels like career doesn’t like him, that career wouldn’t want to be touched by him, that he’s better to just kind of… go..

he feels shut out by career.

And that ALMOST gets me to watery eyes again but for the love of god he will not feel it.

Once again, even though he’s not being crushed anymore he feels so heavy and my feet hurt again. He’s forcing me to SHOVE them into the ground, And I can’t help feeling heavy in Henry’s energy, I feel like I weigh a tonne.

Solid cinder blocks on my feet is what it feels like. I cant move. But I also have no desire to move im just staring at career like “this is what I deserve”

I wanted to see if he would ask anything around him for help but no, he just wanted to give a little smile and pretend that it’s all good. Did not want help from anything or anyone, did not want to move and wanted to ignore it all. My FEET HURT SO MUCH.

I need to take another break. I don’t know why my entire weight seems to shift as I’m in his energy but my ANKLES cannot take the weight. it’s actually fucked my left inner ankle I don’t know what it’s called, the navicular? Everytime I try to stretch it it makes a cracking sound 🥲 energy work is fucked you guys.

On the plus side I don’t feel anymore back or neck pain. So we’re going back in.

Career:

Career doesn’t like Henry behind him. It’s Not feeling like it wants to be on top of him anymore, but it’s back is hot. Henry is encroaching on its personal space and it feels like it can feel him breathing on its back? It’s not happy about that it’s a bit disgusted.

Doesn’t feel like it should move though it feels like Henry should move away from it. It’s not CAREERS problem that Henry wants to breathe his hot breath on its back.

It’s so uncomfortable like it keeps twitching it’s back about it. It doesn’t like that feeling at all.

I moved career and yeah it doesn’t want to face him, back turned to him, it thinks he’s gross. And now it’s getting a bit of anxiety?

I cant stop getting the heebie jeebies about Henry though like I keep trying to get his germs off my back as if rolling my shoulders enough will do that it’s so gross it’s having a little spasm about it. I’m getting out of here.

Henry:

Henry feels much lighter now that career has moved, and a fraction happier. A little bit more free. Still wants to sit on the ground though.

Omg as I tried to get down onto the ground I let out such an old man groan and my body cracked in so many places. I’m not an old woman guys I’m so young 🥲 I shouldn’t be cracking.

He doesn’t feel as hopeless now as he did before, a lot lighter than before, but he still doesn’t know what to do. He’s also not as tired.

Career is there in the corner but he makes fleeting eye contact as he doesn’t really wanna look at it at all.

It’s kinda sad he’s just sitting here. Alone. Not really doing anything. Not really sure what to do. Also my backs hurting again and I keep saying “I’m getting old”

(I (EA) am not old and My back is JUST FINE)

I’m going to have to end it here and do a part 2 another time, cause this one is taking it out of me, and right now he doesn’t want to move and I also don’t feel like I should put anything down. The focus I stepped into today is defo on career than anything else.

Also I know I said I wouldn’t put NV in, but the fascinating part is.. Henry doesn’t want NV in. Like I think about it and he actually shuts down MY thought.

Weird 👀

So part two will be: the Insta post, fans and.. I’m gonna do body and status aswell.

#reading #HC

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101flavoursofweird · 3 years

Text

Fic Questionnaire

Thanks for @sixtyfourk for tagging me! I’m putting the questions under a cut because it’s quite long :’)

I’ll tag @northernscruffycat, @northelypark, @edward-elbowlick, @vermontwrites, @asa-liz, @yoshi-g-teh-first, @call-me-rucy, and @aquamarineglow but if there’s anyone else who wants to do this, please go ahead!

How many works do you have on AO3?

107… but a lot of these are just reposts or prompt-inspired fics that are 10 lines long!

What's your total AO3 word count?

378242 words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Professor Layton, PLvsAA, Layton Brothers Mystery Room, Rhythm Thief, Voltron: Legendary Defender (I only watched the first two seasons, haha…), The Ancient Magus Bride (I was in it for the cute dragon mage— not for the main romance), Steven Universe, Ace Attorney (only as a part of PLvsAA), Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, My Hero Academia

…10 fandoms altogether, but some like PLvsAA and LBMR fall under the PL category.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Aizawa Doesn’t Give Hugs - MHA- 1111 kudos - (Why can’t I update my most popular fic?)

Fireflies - Steven Universe - 221 kudos - (Again, WHY DID I NEVER UPDATE THIS?)

Reset - PL - 134 kudos - (This is the one I feel the worst about because it’s an ongoing long fic for my main fandom and I’ve had so much support from readers but I just can’t find the strength to update it…)

Worth Fighting For - PL - 86 kudos - (My incomplete Whumptober fic!)

Mending - Voltron - 85 kudos - (I think this was one of the first fics I posted on AO3 and I was really happy about the response it got! And for a fandom I’d never written for before!)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I usually respond to comments pretty quickly because I want to show my appreciation for people who take the time to comment :) If I’m ever slow to respond it’s probably just because I’m busy or I’m trying to formulate a long response. If a person leaves a longer comment, I try to make my response longer!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

That’s probably ‘To Boldly Flee’. It’s a fic I originally posted on FF.net but it’s now part of an Aurora & Luke oneshot series called ‘Looking Foward’ on AO3. The fic stars Aurora and Luke in an AU set during Azran Legacy. It diverges from canon after Descole steals the Azran keystone in the Nest. Aurora doesn’t want to go to the Azran sanctuary and face her ‘duty’ as the Azran emissary— she also doesn’t want to get STABBED IN THE HEART— so she decides to run away with Luke.

Aurora receives even more angst in this AU than in canon. After Descole’s betrayal, she starts to doubt herself and her friends, aside from Luke.

With a bit of help from Rook and Bishop, the two of them fly to London and then to Misthallery when they hear Targent have taken over the town. During this time, Aurora has her identity crisis about being a golem and having the fate of the world resting on her shoulders. She eventually decides to help Luke save his hometown because Luke is worth the world to her.

This all culminates with Luke getting fatally(?) wounded and taken to the Golden Garden. Aurora is so distraught by this point that she almost ‘floods the whole world’ in a kind of failsafe doomsday device the Azran may have implanted in her. Luckily, Descole and Layton show up to assure her that Luke is alive— but just barely. Aurora returns to her normal self and they get Luke to hospital. Aurora waits by Luke’s bedside for him to wake up. Aurora mentions that Emmy’s fate is unknown, but they still mourn for her.

In the original FF.net ending, Luke wakes up.

In the AO3 ending, Aurora just keeps waiting for Luke. ‘She could not age, so she would wait until he awoke. Even if it took forever...’

If I ever did write more of this story, Aurora and Co would probably go to the other Azran sites (Ambrosia, the Infinite Vault of etc) to search for a cure for Luke. But at it is, the fic is left open-ended as to whether Luke ever recovers.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really hate but there was one anon review that may have been ‘too brutal’ (their words). I can’t say it hasn’t affected the updates on that particular fic.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I wrote a couple of light smut fics back when I really shipped Layton/Emmy. I think I’d cringe if I went back to read those fics (but then again, I do that with a lot of my old writing). I can’t see myself writing smut now.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I can’t say I’ve had a fic stolen, but I was reading a fic a while ago and the wording was veeery familiar. I’m not sure why because the fic was already good up to that point? Why would they bother copying my writing? XD I can’t complain, though! We’re all technically stealing the original creator’s characters and concepts by writing fanfic.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, for my Rhythm Thief AU, Déjà Vergier! In this AU, 16-year-old Raphael gets taken in by the Vergier family. A Deviantart user called BakApple kindly translated my writing into French. With the help of Google Trabslate, I started translating their French Rhythm Thief fic— ‘July the Fourteenth’— into English, but I didn’t get around to finishing it. My translating skills are nowhere near as good as BakApple’s!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote a PL fic with called ‘If You Only Had Time’ with an awesome writer called Glowbug. It’s an AU (of course) where Rachel Bronev survives and she runs away from Targent with eight-year-old Emmy. Glowbug doesn’t seem to be active online anymore, which is a shame, but I don’t mind! I’m just glad we were able to write 6 chapters.

I don’t think I’d co-write any more fics now… but more for the co-writer’s sake than mine! I’m notoriously bad at updating long fics and I struggle to write under pressure or within a time limit. There’s a reason why I don’t enter Big Bang events, as much as I’d like too :’)

Writing fics is a hobby first and foremost. If I don’t feel like writing something, I’ll leave it and come back later, hopefully with renewed inspiration.

But I’m always happy to discuss fic outlines/ideas/characters’ with other people!

What's your all time favorite ship?

Apparently the ship I’ve written the most fics for is Janice/Melina on AO3?

There seems to be more content for them recently and that makes me SO HAPPY.

Ranhengela might be a close second favourite… Sometimes I literally forget both of these ships aren’t canon.

My favourite characters tend to be those who are so selfless and would sacrifice their lives for the ones they love— e.g. Janice and Henry— even if their significant other is presumed to be dead. I want these characters to be happy but I also want them to through ANGST.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don’t want to say Reset… but maybe Reset? I haven’t given up completely but I’ve lost a lot of confidence with this fic. What I wanted most out of this story was for Luke to bond with other characters aside from Layton— his parents, Arianna, Emmy, Flora etc.— and to give these characters a chance to shine. But I guess I realised I can do this without all the crazy plot twists and time travel mechanics… like in Ready Now, for example. Most of that fic is just Arianna bonding with Luke, Layton and the others, and it’s hopefully giving Flora her chance to shine too! I guess after giving Arianna her own chapter in Reset I just really wanted to write about her, haha.

What are your writing strengths?

Someone mentioned in a nice review that I often fuse canon with fanon? That’s usually just me poking fun at the series— like when Arianna’s mother asks about Flora’s age and her adoption status, Arianna and Tony just shrug at her comedically. Who knows, really? :’)

I’ll often just make two character sit in a room TALK about their feelings.

Dialogue is an easy one, but I like writing dialogue for characters and getting their voices down. (I will forever portray Dalston with his official Yorkshire accent— not the fake posh accent they gave him the the US version of Miracle Mask.)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it’s cool! …If it’s not used to mock another language— apart from English. Please make all the English jokes you want. I’ll probably agree with you and laugh at them.

I remember when I was re-reading Goblet of Fire and I cringed every time J. K. Rowling wrote about a character who wasn’t English.

I’ll occasionally throw French words or sayings into Rhythm Thief fics especially because that’s what they do in the game. It’s hilarious how Charlie has an English accent but then she’ll sprout a random French phrase.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Pokemon, but that short oneshot is long gone.

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

I’m going to be boring and say Bonds Left Unbroken— an AU where Layton and Desmond both get adopted by the Laytons. I think I enjoyed the earlier chapters more, focussing on younger Desmond and Hershel, and especially their time in Stansbury. The later chapters don’t really branch out from canon that much, aside from the fact that Hershel and Desmond are on the same page during Azran Legacy.

I feel bad that I never got around to finishing the ‘bonus’ episodes, but it kind of just felt like the original series with Desmond phoned in :’) But I’m still proud of the original fic!

#Fanfic #answers #long post #my writing #my fics #thanks #TW: JK Rowling mention #Tagging just in case!#Bonds Left Unbroken #Reset #Ready Now #Aizawa Doesn’t Give Hugs #Looking Forward #Deja Vergier

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glimmerglanger · 4 years

Note

Oooh, I think I was the anon who submitted the Obikin first time ask! Honestly I’d read *anything* you wrote but of the AUs, I looove our sweet virginal Obi-Wan in mirror AU, everyone in that story gets off on the fact that he’s a virgin , and since the shadow/emperor role play was so scorching, it’d be very hot to read what the reality was. Or if you wanted to take things in a whole other direction and felt like revisiting the ageswap AU that would be just fine by me!

(re, this ask: Anonymous said:

Good heavens Glimmer, your spicy Sundays are going to kill me one of these days, but it’ll be a happy passing!!! My ask is inspired by your most recent post— so I re read a bunch of your fics and spicy snippets to confirm it hasn’t been done, but would you ever write an explicit Obikin first time?? There’s allusions to it, and roleplay, but I just want Anakin to rock virgin Obi-Wan’s world like he described in your snippet. Would it be gentle? Passionate? Fast? Pls I’m dying to know)

I....chose the “go in a whole other direction” choice, ahadfdka. SO. This is part of the reverse/age-swap au. (aka the “Anakin was trained by Qui-Gon and took Obi-Wan as a Padawan after the events of TPM!AU). You can find the first part here, though this is, obviously, set before that one.

I have MANY WARNINGS. The AU as a whole is dead dove do not eat. This part especially? Dark, manipulative Anakin (he’s got 10 more years of Palps whispering to him). Dubcon (it...fits the definition of dubcon, but I, personally, feel that it borders very close to noncon, so keep that in mind when deciding to skip or not). Emotional grooming, possessiveness, master/padawan relationship, overstimulation, etc. Obi-Wan is over the age of consent.

PLEASE READ ALL THE WARNINGS BEFORE YOU READ THE FIC. NOT SAFE FOR WIZARDS. DEAD DOVE. ETC.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan had - just about - gotten used to kissing his Master. He still flashed hot all over every time Anakin leaned down, shocked and startled and so - so awed that Anakin wanted to touch him, to hook a finger under his chin and tilt his jaw up, to lean down and slide their mouths together.

Obi-Wan had never kissed anyone before. He’d haltingly admitted it, when Anakin asked, embarrassed because it was - was obviously something people did, just not him, and--

Anakin had seemed pleased, anyway, with the news. He’d radiated a deep, shivery kind of pleasure out into the Force and breathed, “Good,” a moment before he’d taken another kiss.

Obi-Wan had never kissed anyone but Anakin, but he thought he’d gotten pretty good at it. He still didn’t really know what to do with his hands, but that seemed to be alright. He couldn’t imagine touching Anakin the way Anakin touched him.

It seemed… he just couldn’t bring himself to pull aside his Master’s robes, to touch his bare skin, all golden and lovely. That didn’t seem to be a problem, either. Anakin showed Obi-Wan what he needed, and Obi-Wan was a fast learner.

He learned how to touch Anakin’s hardened cock, when Anakin told him to do so. He learned how to wrap his fingers around overheated flesh, how to stroke him, Anakin nuzzling against his neck and panting.

It didn’t make sense, really, that Anakin would want someone like him, but -- but his Master was the Chosen One. He knew much better than Obi-Wan. And he said, rasping, that Obi-Wan made him feel--better. Steadier. Good.

It left Obi-Wan feeling tingly and hot all over. He’d thought his heart might pound right out of his chest the first time Anakin told him to get on his knees. It had been - Obi-Wan had never opened his mouth and taken someone else into his mouth before, either.

Anakin had curled Obi-Wan’s Padawan braid around a finger and held on, rasping instructions down, watching with dark, dark eyes. And he’d promised, when Obi-Wan choked at the end, startled by the rush of fluid into his mouth, that Obi-Wan would get better at that, too.

He had.

Master Anakin was a very good teacher. Obi-Wan’s saber forms had improved rapidly under his tutelage. And Obi-Wan must have learned what to do with his mouth quickly, too, because Anakin said Obi-Wan was the best he’d ever had, said his mouth was perfect, said he was made to suck and choke and swallow, just for Anakin.

Obi-Wan’s master was the Chosen One. Obi-Wan didn’t see how he could be anything but correct.

Master Anakin said that Obi-Wan helped him touch the Force. Helped him focus on the Light. He said he needed it and--

And Obi-Wan had always tried to be a good Padawan. He grew used to the ache in his jaw and the way his throat got sore. Master Anakin was always very kind, so gentle when he wiped Obi-Wan’s face, afterwards, brushing aside any tears - Master Anakin said it was alright, he said tears were normal, when getting your throat fucked, and Obi-Wan had felt like he might die on the spot from the way he burned at the words - and smears of spit.

Anakin liked to push his come back up and over Obi-Wan’s lips, if he couldn’t swallow it all. Obi-Wan grew used to the salt-sour taste. It wasn’t so bad, really, once you’d tasted it a few times, but he preferred it when Anakin came down his throat, when he didn’t have to taste it.

His throat was sore when Anakin pulled him close, after they got back from a sparring session, tugging him into the fresher. The hot water felt good over his aching muscles but, despite the heat, he shivered when Anakin pressed close, hands settling on his hips and pulling him closer.

“Force,” Anakin said, against his neck, hands clenching against his skin. His Master was hard, but, then, Anakin had been hard when they left the sparring rooms. Obi-Wan had felt the press of his cock when Anakin pinned him, face down on the mats. Anakin had - had rubbed against him, against the swell of his ass, and Obi-Wan had frozen, wondering if he would need Obi-Wan on his knees, there, in the training rooms--

They had made it back to their quarters. He felt grateful for that, distantly, as Anakin slid a hand lower, gripping his ass and rasping, “You make me crazy, you know that?”

“I’m sorry, Master,” Obi-Wan murmured. He was never sure what to say when Anakin said such things. “I don’t mean to.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Anakin said, and Obi-Wan felt the crook of his mouth. “I think you know exactly what you do to me, don’t you?”

Obi-Wan wanted to protest that he didn’t know what he was doing at all. But Anakin was the Chosen One. And he didn’t like it, anyway, when Obi-Wan disagreed with him. Especially when they were like this, when he needed the relief and steadiness only Obi-Wan could give him. Obi-Wan jerked out a little nod, and Anakin sucked a kiss into his skin, rasping, “I knew it.”

“Master….” Obi-Wan started, and trailed off when Anakin sucked harder at his skin, an edge of teeth sliding across his neck. Anakin put a hand on his lower back, ran his fingers up Obi-Wan’s spine and curled fingers into Obi-Wan’s hair, tilting his face back and kissing him until he felt breathless and ready to fly apart.

And then Anakin pulled away, breathing hard, and said, “Clean off. Hurry.”

“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan said, disoriented, his heart racing. He’d expected Anakin to tell him to get on his knees, there in the shower. He had, before. Instead, Anakin did nothing more than touch him, touches lingering and possessive, as Obi-Wan scrubbed himself clean, hurriedly. “Should I…?”

“Out onto our bed,” Anakin said, pulling him close to drop a brief kiss across his mouth. It had been their bed for some time. Obi-Wan never slept in his own room, anymore. Anakin liked to keep him close at night, liked to hold him, and it was a good idea, anyway.

His Master had nightmares, so frequently. Obi-Wan could better help with them if he were there, already. He knew how to soothe Anakin’s, how to stroke back his hair and hold him until he calmed down, and if Anakin left marks on his skin from how tightly he held on, sometimes…

Well. It only went to show how bad the dreams were, how much help he needed.

He set those thoughts aside and sat on the side of the bed. He wondered if he ought to dress, but Anakin had been hard, when he left the shower. He closed his eyes, instead, tilting his head down and focusing on looking for the calm, still place inside his head, pulling the Force close and all around him.

He felt settled in his bones when Anakin cupped both sides of his jaw, tilted his face up, and kissed him. “What a dutiful Padawan I have,” Anakin said, when he drew back, his mouth curved into a smile, something besides praise in the words, something Obi-Wan couldn’t quite identify, even as Anakin continued, “Dutiful in all things, aren’t you?”

“I try to be, Master,” he said, puzzled by the way Anakin’s emotions shifted in the Force, at the way his expression tightened. He didn’t have time to discover the meaning of any of it, not with Anakin kissing him again, pushing him steadily back, until he sprawled across the mattress, Anakin stretched over him.

“Force,” Anakin rasped, against his mouth, so warm and close and - and everywhere, “you’re so beautiful like this. So perfect.” Obi-Wan felt him smile, the crook of his mouth as he slid a hand down, over Obi-Wan’s stomach, touching his cock which--he didn’t, always. Obi-Wan never knew when he would or wouldn’t. “So eager for me.”

Obi-Wan bit his lip, trying to muffle a moan, trying to hold still. Anakin would say, if he wanted Obi-Wan to move. “Look at you,” Anakin murmured, stroking him, steady and sure. Obi-Wan felt his breathing getting shallow, felt his stomach getting tight, wildly unsure why Anakin wanted to touch him like this, wanted to - to spend time trying to make Obi-Wan feel good, wanted--

“There you go,” Anakin said, quietly, breath rasping by Obi-Wan’s ear, twisting his wrist just so, relaxing his grip when Obi-Wan came with a groan. “You like that, don’t you?” he asked, smearing his fingers through the mess on Obi-Wan’s stomach. Obi-Wan nodded, dizzy-headed, and Anakin smiled against his skin. “Good. And it’ll make things easier. Spread your legs for me.”

Obi-Wan blinked, tingling still from his orgasm, thoughts feeling slow and drifting. But he shifted a leg to the side, almost automatically. He’d gotten very used to doing what Anakin told him to do. That was what Padawans did. They obeyed their Masters and he was a good Padawan, he--

Jolted when Anakin shifted up, frowning at him, and said, “I said spread your legs, Obi-Wan.”

“I’m sorry,” he panted out, not entirely sure what was going on. He’d expected Anakin to shift up the bed, to put his knees on either side of Obi-Wan’s shoulders and slide his cock between Obi-Wan’s lips, or to rub against him, sometimes he liked to do that, too, it--

Anakin said, “Better,” and shifted so he could crouch between Obi-Wan’s legs, running his hands up Obi-Wan’s thighs from knee to hip. He squeezed a little, gaze hungry and roving, as he said, “I can’t even think, looking at you. You are so...perfect.”

He leaned forward, bracing a hand by Obi-Wan’s head and kissing him again, deep and hard. He was still kissing Obi-Wan, nipping at Obi-Wan’s bottom lip, when he slid his hand up Obi-Wan’s leg, past his spent cock, and--

Obi-Wan made a harsh sound, jerking at a sudden - sudden press into him and--

Anakin panted, “Sh, sh, relax,” curled up over him, weight keeping Obi-Wan against the mattress. He had--he’d put-- “Fuck, you feel so good. You’re so tight. So hot. I knew you would be.”

Obi-Wan opened his mouth and shut it again, soundless. He started to reach up, not sure what he planned to do with his hands, and lowered them back to the bed, instead, twisting his fingers into the sheets, feeling like his skin was too tight, all of a sudden, heat washing over his face and down his chest and back when Anakin slid his finger out. Obi-Wan thought maybe--

Anakin pushed his finger in again, and Obi-Wan heard the sound he made from a distance, body clenching around the intrusion even as Anakin shifted, trailing kisses down his throat, the pressure of his mouth and teeth a distracting counterpoint to the continued movement of his hand.

Obi-Wan tensed, hearing the crack in his own voice when he cried out, “Master,” when Anakin slid another finger into him, and the stretch felt - felt impossible, too much, and--

“It’s alright,” Anakin said, nipping at his collarbone. “You’re doing so well, Obi-Wan. I knew you would. You’re always just what I need.” And he twisted his fingers, knuckles catching and Obi-Wan cried out again, at a jolt of electric sensation--

Anakin made a thick, amused sound. He crooked his fingers, spreading them out while they were inside and said, “Fuck, I knew you’d love it. Look at you.” He slid his other hand over, fingers brushing over Obi-Wan’s cock - twitching a bit with whatever Anakin was doing and-- Obi-Wan blinked, rapidly, trying to clear his eyes, trying to breathe deep and steady.

And he supposed he did like it - it was making him hard, making his gut tight and his spine all liquid heat. He just wished he could do more than gulp at the air, trembling as Anakin rasped, “I think you can take another.”

Obi-Wan turned his face to the side, gasping, legs tensing where they’d curled up against Anakin’s sides and hips. He thought he might fly apart. It didn’t -- hurt, exactly, the stretching pressure, but it was so strange and it burned, a little, and Anakin kept - kept twisting his fingers, hitting something that made Obi-Wan’s spine arch, that--

“It’s alright,” Anakin said, “you can make noises for me, let me hear how you like it.”

The next twist of his fingers did drag a noise from Obi-Wan’s throat, ragged. And he - and if Anakin said, then he must, then--

Anakin slid fingers across his cock, and stroked him, kneeling there between his legs, the sensations caused by his hands building on one another, higher and higher. Obi-Wan tightened his fingers in the sheets, burning up under his skin, and Anakin did not relent, did not slow his pace at all, until Obi-Wan bowed up, cock jerking with the force of his orgasm.

Anakin slid his fingers free while Obi-Wan was still shaking, and Obi-Wan cried out, sharp. It felt far too loud in the quiet of their room. Anakin didn’t chide him, though, only smiled down at him, so lovely, almost glowing through the Force, his hair disheveled and--

Obi-Wan had to curl his legs up when Anakin settled against him, his heels bumping awkwardly against Anakin’s back. Anakin rocked against him, still hard - but, then, Obi-Wan hadn’t done anything, none of the things Anakin usually needed him to do.

Anakin curled down over him, grabbed his chin and turned his face back, kissing him hard while Obi-Wan tried to get his breath back, and--

Obi-Wan cried out against his mouth, Anakin swallowing the sound, when Anakin put his other hand on Obi-Wan’s hip, gripped hard and shifted forward. There was pressure, sudden, sliding against him where he was so tender and sensitive already, and then into him, thicker than Anakin’s fingers, hot and hard and--

“Fuck,” Anakin rasped, against his mouth, “yeah, Obi-Wan, just like that.”

Obi-Wan twisted, but there was no where to go and - and anyway, he could feel the pleasure rolling off of Anakin, flowing through their bond and rushing into his head. Anakin liked this, liked pushing further and further in, his emotions loud and bright and sharp.

Obi-Wan breathed shallow, his heart racing in his chest, hands off the blankets despite all his best efforts because he needed something more solid to hold onto, so he didn’t fly apart. Anakin didn’t chide him, when Obi-Wan gripped at his arm and one shoulder, holding on tightly, thoughtlessly, and then Anakin stopped, pressed flush against him.

His body was warm and solid, stretched out across Obi-Wan, but it was so hard to focus on that, so hard to focus on anything but the - the stretch of him, inside. “Force,” Anakin said, voice all thick with pleasure, “you’re perfect, Obi-Wan, just right. So hot and tight for me, aren’t you?”

Obi-Wan nodded, jerkily, not sure he could manage words. He felt--split apart, like he was choking even with nothing in his throat, his ribs all tight around his lungs and his skin burning. It was--so much, all over, he couldn’t--

“You were meant for this,” Anakin murmured, thick, shifting and it was too much, Obi-Wan couldn’t-- “Meant to take me, the Force made sure we’d find each other. The universe knew how much I’d need you. Knew you were mine.”

Obi-Wan blinked, but it did nothing to clear his vision. He tightened his hold on Anakin, tilting his face up, gasping for air in his overheated lungs, stretched and filled and-- And this was what Anakin needed and -- and Anakin was the Chosen One, and Obi-Wan was his - his Padawan, his--

He got lost, listening to his own voice, the sounds he made as Anakin moved above him, around him, inside him. The burn faded, his body giving way, learning what Anakin needed, but it was still - each thrust lit up all his nerves, too bright. He felt over sensitive, aching as Anakin panted above, skin shined with exertion, expression written all over with pleasure.

Obi-Wan held onto that, onto knowing Anakin needed this, needed to push into him, folding him up a little further, rasping, “I need you so much, Obi-Wan. I need you - just like this, I--tell me, tell me you’re mine.”

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure he could breathe enough to form words. He wasn’t sure it was right to say that he was Anakin’s. But - but Anakin had asked, before. He needed it, needed that connection, and Obi-Wan was the only one who could help, he - he reached out with the Force, desperately, looking for balance, and found it after a moment. Enough, anyway, to suck in a breath, to gasp out, “I’m yours, Master.”

Anakin made a ragged, thick sound and the next thrust of his hips drove Obi-Wan’s up the bed. He held on, noises punched from his chest, hoping that--

That Anakin would find what he needed. Quickly. And he must have, because his pleasure crested in the Force, spilling around them both, even as he sagged down, weight pressing Obi-Wan into the mattress, making his hips ache from the stretch.

“Kriffing hell,” Anakin said, a moment later, nuzzling against the side of Obi-Wan’s neck as Obi-Wan tried to relearn what the inside of his skin felt like, “the things you do to me.”

#glimmer replies #ask me anything #spicy sunday #not safe for wizards #obikin #DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT #dubcon #leaning towards noncon #age swap au #overstimulation #please read the warnings #please please please

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sukirichi · 3 years

Text

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM…

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just…

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me.

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #suki: for keeps #uwu anon

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haknew · 3 years

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pls talk about your thoughts about chanhee and also the other concepts!! I always have such a hard time interpreting music and videos but i love to read about it

“bestie pls share ur thoughts on make your own concepts specifically chanhee’s but any others that are ur fave too 🎤- mar”

omg mar thank you for enabling me all day today 😭🥺🧡 thenks bestie ily :,)) and thank you too anon ! i should preface that T-T i have not read any other theories or analyses so these are just my opinions / impressions but i hope it’s entertaining to read about haha :p ! (feel free @ anyone to add on or share your thoughts too ! :,))

HYUNJAE - okay so audio cues... if you listen to the beginning there’s a sound of a bomb going off before the music starts ? and that ties into the dystopian / cyborg aesthetics that jump out at me of course, but what i immediately thought of was their no air perfo ? like we know hyunjae in the no air mv got that shot where he’s laying in the bathtub filled with water but also their kingdom performance with it also had those underwater shots ! so i think it ties into that... i feel like we saw in gen z, he’s a very straightforward person he says things on his mind which can come off as blunt but he thinks it’s better than not saying it ? which is interesting bc i think that speaks to his self- determined personality, he’s much more inclined to do whatever it takes to get something done, which i think falls perfectly in line with the “make your own air” phrase that he gets, if it’s something he needs he makes it himself, in a situational sense methinks u.u

JUYEON - JUYEON’S DJSKHDG i’m waiting for dri’s essay but in essence we see the gen z “juyeon is not such a good boy” shot and these text bubbles that pop up that say “sexy” “you so hot” “such a bad boy” and tbh i like this ‘concept’ ? for him better than his gen z one ? it’s not bc of the concept itself but i like the idea that he can “make your own character” as in he has the capability and power to be whoever he wants to ! you see him throwing white paint at the gen z canvas and i think ?! that’s symbolic of like a fresh canvas ! of remaking himself to whatever he wants bc the canvas is now blank again thanks to the white paint and flowers usually indicate spring ? so renewal and stuff like that ! i really like his, it’s also fun word play on “character” which has been juyeon’s intro in tbz (bc his name sounds like main character in korean) but yea :o ! i really love his the idea he can just repaint / paint over a literal image of him gives it the possibility of becoming smth new and that’s so so cool

CHANGMIN - SCREEEEECH okie um oh boy um *windows shutting down noises* this was so so so very different from his gen z stuff but i actually think BOTH are equally perfect for him ? the way that he set up the sparklers and neon lights on this very obviously trashy and kind of rundown rooftop with the cityline behind him is so ?!?!? LITERALLY making his own stage as his tagline goes, sort of like how the physical stage itself does not matter but rather it’s changmin himself that makes the stage special ! i talked about this in gabi’s set that i rbed ;-;/ but changmin puts a lot A LOT of stake in his position as a dancer it means almost everything to him as a form of expression from what i can see ? so he’s always trying his best to put forward the best performance possible and seeing this segment makes me feel like he’s doing just that ! pouring himself into it to make his stage pls i care him

HAKNYEON - god i’m a jusadan but just u.u rest in peace me, i’ll ... T_T be kind of honest this one confuses me a little ? i have assumptions and i feel like i know ... quite a bit about haknyeon (LMAO) my best guess is it has smth to do with self assurance ...? the way he’s framed and the fact that he’s sitting on a bed in the middle of a church surrounded by candles gives me christ figure symbolism (where my ap english takers at :/) and the light that perfectly frames him in a halo gives me angel vibes too, but the tagline of “make your own romance” paired with him kissing his reflection makes me think it’s about self love ;;;; from what i can tell haknyeon has always been someone who really likes feeling validated and praised for the stuff he does well, which he does for himself a lot of the times too ! but sometimes i think the self assurances he compliments himself with is more for reassuring himself rather than bragging (which i think people misinterpret) so it’s more about becoming the person he wants to fully love and being happie with himself which *tears* i might be reading too much into who knows i just love him ok ... U.U

KEBINNN - i know !!! dri mentioned this in my gifset tags but ! kev on kpop daebak (? was it) or smth mentioned how he strives to keep a childlike wonderment for the world around him, which is a reason why i think he loves drawing and sound / music production, he talked in a fancafe post once about an artist who turned mediocre everyday objects into art and he said he really loves that sense of wonderment so peter pan who “never grows up” is actually perfect for his worldview ahhhh T^T also kev really likes disney lmao, the way he’s doing this outside in this “neverland” garden on a balcony which is a part of this very typical apartment backed by a typical city bg also i believe ties into this turning a mediocre everyday thing into smth wonderful through his sense of childlike wonderment and his tagline of “make your own fantasy” (i also care him a lot this concept >>>>>>) and keeps to his referencing movie plotlines like he did in gen z jddkfj

SUNWOO - i also mentioned this in my tags on sunu’s set but this gives me 100 degrees vibes which i still to this day think is one of the most “sunwoo” vibe things ever, it’s a lot of him having fun and doing his own thing, and mixes both more mature and youthful aspects together in a way that i’d only ever describe as sunwoo vibes LMAO like the roller skating around and all the soap bubbles ! cute and youthful ! the crop top and celine wasitband (don’t laugh at me we all noticed) more mature and a callback to his gen z look methinks U.u, think sunwoo has always been a more go-with-the-flow or do whatever he feels like doing sort of person and so “make your own vibe” fits well with him in that sense to me

SANGYEON - .... *silence* *more windows shutting down noises* *jess.exe has stopped working* OKAY i feel like ! sangyeon’s is also more self explanatory :p i love the juxtaposition of boxing AND the arcade type fighter games ?? like both require very different sets of skills i feel like one is more physical the other is more mental ? but both require adapting to changes whether in the game or the boxing ring which as leader sangyeon would know a lot about, esp being flexible and quick to respond to different situations, and the “make your own glory” i feel is maybe more on the nose, but tbz are this man’s pride and joy you can see it literally anywhere and for him, as leader, to have made it this far with tbz, winning rtk and building their popularity through their hard work and efforts really is building his own glory and i just HHHHHHHHHH

YES EYYSFDHSHF CHANHEE YES - i said it in the tags of my srb before deleting it so i’ll just repeat it here but CHOI CHANHEE !!!!! this detail i didn’t quite process first watch was the continuous flashing of lights in all his scenes, like ... from the shots and the set it looks REALLY empty ?? but the flashing seems to indicate cameras and photos being taken of him despite there being no people we can really see in any of the shots ? WHICH IS SO COOL i think the implication is like “all eyes on him” type which SO TRU i love that idea, like i said the walking past the wedding dresses ? v heavily implies fashion designer which i think you mentioned mar :o ! and i see it in the sense of his tagline “make your own stereotype” bc white wedding dresses are the very traditional / typical choice and obviously feminine in stereotypes, whereas chanhee is wearing a SUIT which is all black in a very clean b/w set with no color which i feel is very stereotypically MASCULINE and the glasses too, it’s such an interesting contrast of his “stereotypically feminine” features (in my view) with very masculine symbols, like glasses we usually associate with more soft hearted / meek stereotypes ? but the geometric shape of the windows and again his suit seems to indicate the very opposite ? it’s a mixing of stereotypes which i think is the point, by putting those together he quite literally makes his own stereotype and puts on the crown while the cameras continue flashing while pointed at him AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOUNGHOON - okie might have less to say about this one :o i feel like both hak’s and younghoon’s i don’t see the connections quite as readily but ! i think it’s interesting that his tagline is “make your own classic” but then in the scenes itself he has a flip phone ??? with an antenna (okay boomer /j JDHFKFG JK PLS) and a teddy bear while in PERIOD stylized clothing and setting where those two things are more modern / contemporary in origin (but also not modern enough bc ,,, it’s a flip phone LOL) like 90s kid vibes ? you know but as an emperor in the joseon era haha :p while eating shrimp chips and reading a (comic ?) book, like idk too much of what it means but it’s a cool dichotomy LOL, think it might also tie into actor ! hoon bc it’s make your own classic and i think acting has become a very important aspect to him :o after seeing what he’s capable of in love revolution and his atbz video so it’s interesting u.u (need help w/ this one)

JACOB - think my explanation in han’s set’s tags didn’t really make sense so lemme ... reexplain LOL,,, so ! similar to his gen z video ? like he’s talked about how difficult it is to open up about his own feelings etc. and he said it’s less bc he realizes he needs to but rather just to make other people feel more comfortable when it comes to understanding him, and like the whole breaking the mirror with his reflection in the wanna be angry jacob, it’s about freeing himself to the point he can express the emotions he wants to ! in gen z it was about being able to be angry when he felt that way instead of being tied by his image of being just nice ? and in the video with his pilot uniform not only does he control the ride but he also rides on it himself ! quite literally making his own freedom (symbolically), a sort of realizing he can free himself ? from what’s been tying him down and i think the really big smile he has while riding it just comes to show how he wants to feel :,))) (jacob bae i care you)

ERIC - last one :p AHHH this is one of my favs too, the quite literal “make your own pride” I LOVE IT ! sooo i think the biggest takeaway i got was that of course in this video his “pride” is symbolized by the hot pink car (that he’s going to pick up his christmassy date in of course u.u if he has a license which he does n- his driver’s license in this was literally his aaa / boy version of reveal photo which in no dmv anywhere would a license picture be allowed to look that good-) and LITERALLY when he finished and takes it for a joy ride while sitting on the roof he’s STILL covered in the dirt and grime stains ! from working on it ! which i think is so symbolic ! it’s my favorite detail actually, he literally put sweat into this car which is his pride and now that he’s finally riding around in it, it feels accomplishing ! his pride ! love that, also when he’s grabbing a stub from that flyer i noticed he chose “youth” over the others (which was like .... ca$h, beauty, ice cream, hamburger...) which i think also just indicates that despite all this hard work he put in he still cherishes his youth and still lets that be a huge part of who he is (i mean pink car so of course) so idk i think it’s very neat go bestie mwah

#sunnew #anon #asks #not tbz #jess.replies #be your own king analysis #I WROTE SO MUCH PLS #even more than my gen z analysis i think #anyway if anyone reads all of this oof thank you #HHHEEELP #i just did all of them ....#my weakest ones are def hak sunwoo yh #idk but i like what i came up with for the others ! ^^#i've seen a few twt threads but haven't read any lol #wrote the most about chanhee but no one is surprised of course

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seijorhi · 4 years

Text

asks :)

i love the post fic bundle of asks 🥺

WHO WAS THE SOULMATE???? ASDFHFHJFKFLF DID YOU MENTION IT? DID I MISS IT? The rolling coaster of emotions was too much sooo I think I might have missed it????

but if it was not mentioned, i'd like to think that it might be iwa or the other guys or gahhh, what if it was a rival????? I believe nothing would push Tooru to the extremes than learning that you're tied to his rival... 😳

Good job again, Rhi! Honestly these soulmate aus are my favorite!!! 💕

ahhh thank you so much!!!

and no, i didn’t actually mention who the reader’s soulmate was. i was initially going to write the fic a little more in line with what the asks said and have the reader overhear oikawa talking about it on the phone with iwa, and he’d say the name of her soulmate. it could have been anyone, but me being the whore that i am wanted it to be one of the characters, and considering that oikawa was never going to let the reader just wander off back to japan, i figured that the best possible choice for her to potentially meet her ‘soulmate’ would be when oikawa took him home with her back to japan for the olympics - and with the tight hold he has over her, the only people who could potentially come into contact with her, through iwa of course, would be the olympic team.

kags and ushiwaka were too obvious - plus the reader would have likely met them at some point during her life and while the bond wouldn’t have done anything too crazy, she might have felt something (plus i think oiks would have rubbed off on her a little too much - she wouldn’t hate them like he does, but romance? nah)

which then made me think, if you take those two out of the equation - who on the team would piss oikawa off the most to know was the reader’s soulmate...

there’s just something about that setter pride, right?

sorry for rambling 👀

I already knew I'd love ani soulmate au you write, but it still amazed me. It was wonderful! 😭🤧

you guys are too nice to me!! i’m glad you liked it bby! 💕

I loved your Oikawa soulmate fic! Did Iwa lie about the name on Oikawa? Or are there mismatches with soulmates and she is Oikawa's soulmate, he's just not hers?

Wait so does that mean that oikawa has no name on his wrist, he met his soulmate but doesn't care for them, or he has our name on his wrist but it's not actually "our" name it's just somebody who shares our name? Sorry I'm way to slow on this

Love your latest story! But I’m confused if her name was on his skin or not?

i’m answering these three together because they’re all kinda similar. so the name on oikawa’s arm - his soulmate - is definitely the reader’s. it’s a mismatch. basically it was my kind of interpretation of a yandere’s obsessive love - for oikawa, she’s it, the only one he’ll ever truly love, the one person he can’t live without, but even before the reveal of her mark, he’s already very manipulative and controlling towards the reader. he isolates her from everybody else but him and his friends, makes her rely on him because he needs her, not the other way around. it’s not the worst thing in the world, but the power imbalance is huge. whereas the reader’s soulmate would be the one person who would let her shine - help her grow and love her for who she is without trying to steal her away from the world. it’s not that oikawa doesn’t love the reader, or that the reader doesn’t love him, but her soulmate is the one person who would love her the right way, if that makes sense?

NOOOOOO my heart is breaking into a million pieces and oikawa's not even my fav he doesn't even make top ten but holy FUCK this fic is for SURE in my alltime top ten. u just have a way of writing him that makes my heart ache like i still cant reread home like i read it when u first released it n i have not been able to reread it again bc i cant handle strong emotions but like...this fic is the opposite i cant STOP reading it thank u thank u thank u ily sm for gifting us this fic 🥺

bby!!! you are in fact the sweetest? i love you?? pls come collect your kisses??

home is one of my all time faves ngl, and this kinda has similar vibes i guess, but maybe in reverse - home is all about the anguish of falling for somebody who hurt you because of the things they’ve done, and always is about the pain of still loving somebody despite the fact that they’ve hurt you. anyway, thank you sm, this message honestly made my day!

Ahhhhhh! That Oikawa x blind reader! Oh my heart. Soft insecure Oikawa 😭😭😭

he’s awful in this, but dontcha just feel a little bad for the guy? (low key wanna give him a hug for treating him so meanly in this - but he does kinda deserve it too)

now that i see u on my feed, imma read ur fics again hihihihi LIEK I READ IT FOR 10x ALREADT

💕💕💕💕the sheer dedication?? ily anon

uh.. hello.. the chubby seijoh manager.. i.. love it so much is it rude to ask for more?

the full fic will be out... eventually 👀

how do miya twins from breaking point/meet the parents react to overprotective dad (or not even really that overprotective just actually a good parent lol)? I think it’s a really interesting dynamic and obstacle for yanderes because so often everyone else seems fooled or mia leaving the reader really vulnerable. Honestly I wish I could just talk to you all day about your fics beyond being HOT they are also so intriguing and you’re just an incredible story teller!!!!

first of all how dare you make me all soft and mushy?!!?! this was v sweet anon, thank you

BUT i honestly think they’d both kinda write the dad off. if they managed to bully the reader into being in a ‘relationship’ with them, osamu might try to get in his good graces, maybe offer to cook dinner or something just to smooth things over - because it is somewhat implied that even though he despises the twins, if his daughter wants them around, he’d bite his tongue for her sake. atsumu would be the ass that deliberately tries to rile him up, seeing just how far he can get away with touching you, how many sly innuendos can he slip past your dear old dad before he snaps.

but eventually, whether you gave into them or not, they’d try to push you away from your family, isolate you. for one, they don’t want anybody in your life telling you that they’re not good for you when they’re your soulmates. also because they really don’t want anyone else in your life period. why would you need anybody else when you have them?

#fic q's #BD answers #BD rambles #no but like seriously i do not shut up #it's a problem #somebody needs to come whack me with a spoon or smthn #repeatedly

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plutowrites · 3 years

Note

How do you write and post so much?? Like ever since i discovered your blog you've released like 3 chapters of golden jaeger and i'm like??? How do you do that??? It's incredible how much effort and time you put into your writing. I sincerely wish that you get the best snacks and sleep when you relax and destress bc you really deserve it please i love u

HI omg I’m gonna add a cut bc I just KNOW i’m gonna ramble

Thank you for wishing such sweet things for me i feel so loved- you’re an angel ♡ Pls don’t worry about me not getting enough rest or relaxing enough because I do! At least..i think i do like i’m never pushing myself past exhaustion! There are times where i just have so much creative energy and it feels like if i don't get this thought written out, or this chapter written out, I’ll lose it forever. Since you’re relatively new to my blog from what you mentioned, you’ll eventually see times where I won’t post ANYTHING. No new content, nothing. Sometimes I fall into a deep hole where I can’t seem to write anything worthwhile. So, when I do have those periods of bursting energy and creativity, I try to write as much as I can! This is one of those times hehe

side note: i also have an impulsivity issue LMAO i wish i could sit on content for longer to make sure it’s absolutely perfect and the way i want it to be but i just always seem to get the strongest urge to post things right away. Sometimes it’s a good thing because it honestly would be a waste of time mulling over work i know i spent a lot of time on and that i know is created fully in the vision i constructed it under. Then there are times where i read over old work and think ‘why didn’t i let this marinate in the drafts longer?’ It’s all a part of my process i guess, i’m definitely working on that impulse issue. I’m an enfp if that means anything

I posted this fic on A03 too and a lot of the comments said the same thing you’re saying and im like :(((( guys :((( what did i do to deserve such sweet and caring readers? I’m truly so blessed! Writing is me relaxing; writing out thoughts and ideas immediately as I have them is freedom to me. There was a long period of time in my life where I didn’t write because of how unmotivated I was. Now, having so many lovely people complimenting my work and telling me how they feel about it? It makes me so happy. It ignites a fire under me to continue.

another sidenote: the first couple of chaps i posted for golden jaeger were posted during finals szn and i think that just says a lot about who i am as a person. The way I looked to get out of doing anything school related during a time where everything i was doing should’ve been school related...yeah i was kinda unhinged hehe

oh God this is so long im sorry and i'm sure this answer is riddled with run on sentences too, forgive me. To summarize, your heart is gold. To notice how often I post and then feel concerned for me? I hope you know you have a wonderful soul. It makes my heart swell up in my chest to know there are people out there as kind as you. Thank you. You make my writing experience on this app all worthwhile. I wish you nothing but the best, always. I love you anon!!

#i have heart eyes for u anon i hope u know that!!!#pluto answers

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minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong · 5 years

Text

You’ve Got Mail: Jungkook One Shot

Request: Hi! I really love your writings! If your requests are still open, can you pls write a Jungkook story? Ex-lovers in high school where he broke up with her because he got bored or something like that. Then they met again in university and wants her back again. (Angst but happy ending pls). Thank you!

Description: After a messy breakup with high school heartthrob Jeon Jungkook, you swore off dating once you got into college. Even though it left you lonely, it was easier than being hurt. But one fateful blind date changes everything for you, and you realize that maybe isolation isn’t the answer either.

Word Count: 12.9k

Pairing: Jungkook x (gender neutral) Reader

Tags: Barista!Reader, Graphic Design Student!Jungkook, Non-Idol!Au, Ex-Lovers to Enemies to Lovers (? I guess? Haha)

Genre: Whole lotta angst, fluffy ending

Warnings: None!

A/N: It’s been two weeks since I’ve posted wtf!! But I’m back and less than a week away from the Rose Bowl concert, holy cow. This ask has been in my inbox for MONTHS, so I need to say thank you to the anon who sent it for waiting so long! I really enjoyed this request, so I hope you guys like it too!

Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter please do so! My handle is @/plzpunchmebts. I would post a link, but rumor has it Tumblr killed links and I’m not taking any chances. I’ll be posting concert videos and pics there, so please give it a follow if you’d like to see that!

- Mercury

You were never too keen on blind dates. Everything about them felt…artificial. It wasn’t that you were a romantic, not especially, but you had to admit that being forced on a date by meddlesome friends took some of the magic out of dating. When Sua had mentioned a cute new boy in her class who was too busy studying to date, you had to admit the red flags began waving in your mind. Of course, you could relate. College was taxing and it was difficult to find time to even eat three meals, let alone date. Perhaps if things had cropped up organically, you’d have been more excited. But the forced union was a little cumbersome.

The nerves and the insecurity and the fear, none of it was especially fun. But Sua had been adamant that the two of you would hit it off, and with her eyes round and expectant, her brows raised, and her lips pouted, you really didn’t have any room to deny her. You figured one night of discomfort was better than months of guilt, and even though you figured things wouldn’t work out with this mystery man, you’d humor your friend. After all, making friends in college wasn’t easy.

Making friends in general wasn’t easy.

You sighed as you waited with your chilly hands clasped around your phone, standing at the entrance to the subway station where Sua had instructed. The mouth of the entrance was muggy with exiting passengers as the wave of people clambered up the steep stairs and onto the street, lined on all sides by buildings that reached the sky. Every now and again, someone would graze their shoulder against yours without apology, or perhaps step on the toe of your sneaker. You took a few inching steps backward, glancing over your shoulder to be sure you wouldn’t hit anyone. Not that they’d care. You backed up until you were out of the streamline and instead took up a quieter spot beside a fish cake vendor.

You checked your phone once again, furrowing your brow. Sue said eleven, didn’t she? You pulled up your messages and scrolled through carefully, head tilted to the side as you read her most recent text.

Sua: He said he’s running a little late, but he told me to tell you to wait.

You: I am waiting…

Sua: He says he’s sorry and that the subway is close to the terminal now.

You: That’s good.

Sua: He says sorry again.

Sua: You know, this is kinda dumb. Let me just give you his number so you can text him.

Sua: 51-XXX-XX24

You pursed your lips and crossed your arms over your chest. Sua was right, anyway. Making her your proxy wouldn’t really do you much good, considering she wasn’t here to help you in person. But wouldn’t it be a bit forward to just…text this guy? You didn’t know him yet. And besides, what could you say that Sua hadn’t? Hey, I’m doing this out of obligation, sorry to disappoint! or you can just go back home now and we can tell Sua things didn’t work out. You shook your head and rubbed your fingertip along the screen of your phone, working your lower lip between your teeth. You were just looking for an out. And really, you didn’t want to bail after Sua had gone through the trouble of setting things up. Still, just texting a stranger was a little…

But then again, he’d agreed to the blind date too, hadn’t he? It wasn’t like you were someone he was forced to talk to. He’d come on his own accord. Rubbing your bare forearm in the spring breeze with one hand, you used the other to tap the phone number and save it and, with only your index finger, drafted a slow message.

You: Hey, I’m Sua’s friend. I think we’re supposed to have a blind date today? Haha. That sounded kind of awkward…

Within seconds, your phone dinged with an incoming text and you jumped, nervous, before glancing at your phone once more.

Blind Date: Oh! Haha, hello. It wasn’t awkward at all. Ahh, I’m really sorry I’m late. I wasn’t looking where I was going and I bumped into a cyclist and he gave me an earful so I missed the first subway.

Blind Date: But I’m one stop away! You’re outside exit 2 right?

You: Yeah! I’m next to a fish cake stall. I’m wearing a red blouse, so you can’t miss me :-)

Damn, you thought, was that smiley face too much? You picked at the skin around your nail and glanced up to see the near-constant flow of people was still in full force, the subway exit spitting pedestrians onto the cement sidewalk in droves. You squinted a little, trying to keep a good visual on the staircase leading out. With a sigh, you leaned over your bag to slip your phone inside when it buzzed again. Despite yourself, your heart raced and you eagerly unlocked it to see if he’d responded.

Blind Date: Cute! Let’s get some fish cakes then before we go to the movie.

Blind Date: Ah, subway just pulled in! I’m only a few sweaty staircases away now~

Blind Date: :P

Without meaning to, you smiled a little. Your nerves settled as you leaned on your right foot, grinning softly at your screen. He seemed like a good guy, at least. You were relieved. After the jerks you dated in high school, you’d sworn off dating for a while. Maybe trying to cleanse your palate. It was…oddly refreshing to be talking to someone who didn’t make you feel like you weren’t all that important. Like you were disposable.

Still smiling, you responded with a simple text.

You: I’m excited to meet you :-D

“Y/N?” asked a familiar voice from beside you.

A voice that sent chills up your spine, and not the good kind.

You stiffened and turned, eyes wide, toward the one person you’d been hoping fervently to avoid for life. Standing with his big, brown eyes wide and his hair slightly windswept, Jeon Jungkook stared down at you like you were a ghost. Your lips parted and, heart hammering, you opened and closed your jaw a few times. What were you supposed to say to the boy who broke your heart when you were sixteen?

Years later and he was still the heartthrob he’d been back then, only now he looked…like a man. His cheekbones were prominent, strong jaw, heavy brow and a serious, toned build like he’d lived at the gym in the years between your meetings.

You swallowed hard and slipped your phone in your bag, crossing your arms and thus closing yourself to him. You glanced up at him with a furrowed brow. “Jungkook,” you said with a sigh. “I’m actually waiting here for someone and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea, so if you could-,”

“You’re on a blind date?” asked Jungkook, lips agape.

You shrugged, glancing down the sidewalk toward the open maw of the subway exit, squinting in the hopes of catching your date’s attention. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Wait, but-,”

You sighed and shut him up with a single look his way, sharp, venomous. “I’m gonna to wait someplace else if you’re gonna keep standing beside me.”

“No, it’s not-,”

You huffed and shuffled into the crowd once more, walking purposefully away from him, but Jungkook was hot on your tail and wouldn’t let you out of his sight. Every few paces, you’d glance over your shoulder and see him following you feverishly, angling himself through the narrow spaces between bodies. But you kept going, pushing through, until you were blocks away from the subway station and Jungkook was nowhere to be seen.

You exhaled long and slow, patting your chest to calm down, and veered off toward the shops on your right, taking cover beneath an awning. Something in your bag vibrated and you jumped. Shit. Your date. The spring day sun was warm on your hands as you fumbled with your bag, grabbing your phone once again.

Blind Date: Where did you go??

You gripped your nose bridge and exhaled through your nose. Of course he’d be confused. You were lucky he was nice enough to reach out at all after seeing you weren’t where you said you’d be. You typed your reply quickly, desperate not to hurt his feelings.

You: God, I’m SO sorry. I ran into someone…from a long time ago lol. I couldn’t shake him off, so I ended up down the street a few blocks. By a Burger King.

You: I’m making a really bad impression, huh? I’m sorry. Just…he’s the LAST person I wanted to see today, you know?

You: Or…well, ever haha.

You awaited a response with bated breath, brows knit, and chewed on the inside of your cheek. This blind date was a wild card, really. Since you didn’t know him yet, you didn’t know how he’d respond. And it wouldn’t be his fault if he decided you weren’t worth all the hassle. Honestly, you might’ve been a little relieved if that was the case. Running into Jungkook…it made you remember why you avoided dating.

But despite your expectations, your phone buzzed again and you jumped to grab it.

Blind Date: This person…you really didn’t want to see him?

You: No. It’s just a painful reminder of the past.

You: !!! God, I keep saying awkward things !!! Haha, please forget I said anything. Where are you?

Blind Date: No! It’s not awkward at all. I’m just…

Blind Date: I’m sorry you had to see him then, I guess.

You: Jeez…

You: You’re a really nice guy, aren’t you?

Blind Date: Haha! I don’t know about that…

Blind Date: How about we reschedule for another time? I get the feeling you wouldn’t really be up for a movie right now anyway.

You panicked, heart kicking up. Despite everything you told yourself, you were a little bit happy he was being so understanding. And even though you were scared, you wanted to see if…well…if maybe this guy might be different.

You shook your head. Of course you shouldn’t think that way. Putting your heart out there to be toyed with and thrown aside…you didn’t want to go through it. Not really. And what relationship could be worth all that? You sucked in your breath and typed a quick response, ready to cast Jungkook and this blind date into the banks of your memory to gather dust. Even if this guy did seem sweet…

So had Jungkook, at first.

You: Yeah. That’s probably for the best. I work at that coffeeshop on campus, so I’ll shoot you a text once I get my schedule. :-)

You: I’m sorry for all the trouble today. Seriously.

You sighed and turned on your heel toward the street. If you kept on this sidewalk for a few more blocks, you’d find exit 3. And from there, it was only a 20-minute subway ride home whereupon you could finally collapse on your couch and wait for this cursed weekend to be over.

But before you could take a single step, a text came.

Blind Date: It was no trouble. :D I just feel bad that you had an unpleasant experience…

You: Hey, it’s not your fault haha.

You: Oh yeah! I never gave you my name, did I?

Blind Date: No, actually. Haha.

You: It’s Y/N.

Blind Date: It’s nice to meet you again, Y/N.

Blind Date: You can call me Nochu.

You: … Nochu … ?

Blind Date: Haha, it’s weird huh?

Blind Date: It’s a nickname I prefer.

You: Ah! I see. I’ll call you that then.

You: Nochu.

Blind Date: Y/N :-)

You stood and placed your hands on your lower back and stretched, groaning, a week later. Classes had been dragging lately and with several coworkers sick with a cold, you were one of the only employees left who wasn’t too ill to work. Your body felt like it was slowly failing you. Even your feet were sore from constantly running from place to place. And the quiet coffee shop before you made you feel like taking a long and well-needed nap. Mismatched chairs and bistro tables littered the trendy place and students congregated around the windows or the fireplace or the used bookshelf. Nobody really bothered you except to order or ask for to-go coffee sleeves. Mostly, you just stood there. For hours. Watching everything and nothing at once.

But today the energy was a little different. You’d heard from Sua that the graphic design students were approaching an important deadline, and from the looks of the crowd it seemed that deadline was heavy on everyone’s minds. Laptops and drawing tablets and plenty of coffee littered the tables as students chatted in small groups, none of them looking all too happy. You wondered what the project was, but didn’t want to bother Sua with a useless question. So instead, you just watched over customer’s shoulders as they added thick white lines to separate sections of illustrations or grabbed whole images with slender styluses and slid them to new spaces.

“Excuse me?”

You jumped and turned to the queue which up until moments ago had been completely empty. You made sure to manage your expression with a tight smile and bowed your head. “Sorry,” you said quietly, lifting your eyes to meet the customer.

And, to your shock and horror, you saw a familiar face amongst the group of thee college-aged boys. Jeon Jungkook stood in the middle, a half-pace behind the guy who had roused your attention, and if his expression was anything to go by, he was just as horrified to see you as you were to see him. You felt your back go perfectly straight, eyes wide and lips parted through which only shallow exhales escaped. Your palms grew sweaty and your heart thump-thumped to an uneven cadence.

“Um, what can I make for you?” you asked finally, managing a tight smile at the speaker of the group whose attention was affixed to the sign above your head, reading the menu with squinted eyes. “If you need more time…,” you hedged, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze which you felt burning circles into your face.

“Ah, no I’ve got it,” said the first guy with a polite smile your way. “I’ll have a green tea latte.”

You nodded and wrote it down on your notepad, just to keep things straight. Had your coworkers been stronger in their constitution, you’d have given the order to one of them to get started on. Perhaps you’d even get started yourself and leave the cashiering to them. But alas, you were alone and painfully aware of it.

“Will you be paying separately or together?” you asked, a tinge of hope in your voice. Please say together, please say together, please say together, you thought over and over, like an endless mantra.

The first boy chuckled and gave Jungkook’s shoulder a firm punch. “Like I’ll pay for these good-for-nothings,” he joked before returning his attention to you, smiling. He had a kind smile, but even that did little to ease your anxieties. You simply nodded and took his card as he stretched it out toward you.

The second guy approached, another brown-haired college kid with a polite grin and baggy spring clothes, and hummed. “I’ll do the caramel macchiato,” he said with a nod, fingers still clasping his chin as he scanned the menu and you scribbled his order. “Ah!” he said, pointing at you. You jumped, still on edge with adrenaline coursing through you, but quickly settled with a smile. “And a slice of banana bread.”

“Banana bread,” you mumbled to yourself as you wrote it. “Okay.”

The second handed you a credit card which you swiped quickly, eager to get this whole encounter over with. He took it back with a bow and a smile which you struggled to return because the moment you glanced over his shoulder you caught Jungkook’s gaze, intense, warm browns peering at you like you held answers he’d been searching for. Despite yourself, you blushed and glanced back toward your notepad.

Finally, the moment of reckoning arrived and your nerves made your hands a little shaky as they clasped the pen and paper. Your eyes wavered around the space between your own hands, measuring the empty air, desperate not to look at Jungkook again.

“Um…,” he mumbled, voice a low rumble in his chest. You almost wanted to squeeze your eyes shut altogether, even though you knew how dumb that’d make you look. “Can I get a strawberry smoothie?”

You almost laughed. It was so like him to come to a coffeeshop and order something like that. It was so like him to still have a weak palate when it came to bitter things. It was so like him to chase after you that day, to show up here on coincidence. It was so like him to be exactly who you remembered him to be. Exactly who he was back then.

Slowly, once you’d written his order down, you lifted your eyes and looked at him properly at last. He was dressed well, casual as you expected, all black as you expected, handsome as you expected. His hair was half-styled out of his eyes, and those eyes were the problem really. Dark and depthless, staring down at you with furrowed brow, jaw clenched. If anyone had doubts you two knew each other before, they’d certainly know now with the way he was watching you. The way he hadn’t taken his eyes off of you for even a second.

“That’s all?” you asked.

“Um…yeah,” he responded, blinking at you like he had more to say.

By then, his friends had begun setting up camp amongst the mismatched sofas and recliners, setting up their computers. You caught sight of a drawing tablet as its corner poked out the top of the first boy’s backpack. So they were design majors too? Maybe your blind date had met one of these guys, then. But wait. If his friends were, did that mean…

“You’re a design major?” you asked, unable to stop yourself.

But once you said it, you wished to suck the words back inside like tapioca balls through a straw because across Jungkook’s face flashed a brief glimmer of excitement, eyes wide, mouth already open and poised to respond.

“Yeah!” he said, smiling a little. “I…uh, well you remember how I liked to draw.”

You nodded, typing the total into your cash register. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Listen, Y/N, I’m really sorry about-,”

“Let’s not rehash things here,” you said, eyeing him from beneath your lashes, scanning the shop like a conspirator in search of any prying eyes, any listening ears. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We’ve both moved on so let’s just keep it at that.”

Jungkook shut his mouth and, after a long moment, sighed. “Alright,” he said, sounding defeated. You hazarded a glance up at him and found his eyes long-sighted, gazing down at the counter between you without really looking at it.

“It’ll be 3,500 won,” you said, holding out one hand towards him.

He blinked and shook his head a little, as if returning to himself, and yanked his wallet from the front pocket of his loose joggers. He pulled out a bill and handed it to you. 20,000. Was that the smallest bill he had on him? You examined it with a thinly-veiled scowl. Of course, he was probably making good money doing something impressive. That was Jungkook anyway. The type of guy who just…made things come to him. Like the universe responded to his will. You sighed and went to work on the old register, punching in the amount and sliding the bill inside. You produced his change to find him already bounding toward his friends with his broad back to you.

Panicked, you rushed to the side of the barista station and called out to him. “Hey! You forgot your change!” you shouted, cupping one hand around your mouth. A few patrons turned to look at you and Jungkook.

He barely glanced back at you when he said, “You can keep it.”

And suddenly you were blushing for a very different reason.

That jerk, you thought to yourself as you watched him plug away at some ad he was working on on his tablet. Evening had fallen slowly upon the city of Seoul, and you wanted nothing more than to stroll out into the lavender evening, forgetting this whole unpleasant day. But instead, you had to wait for your coworker, Sora, to relieve you after making you work fifteen minutes past the end of your shift. Scowling, you kept a hawk’s eye on Jungkook and, unbeknownst to him, wished silent curses upon his head. I hope you go bald, you thought. Or worse, I hope you go out for fried chicken and you get only tendons. You crossed your arms and lolled your head to the side.

You shouldn’t have expected Jungkook to change. He’d always been a ‘my pace’ kind of guy. Maybe leaving that tip was his way of flexing his money to you. That he had enough money to just throw around at random baristas he used to hook up with in high school. Or maybe he was pitying you, looking down on you for working such a menial job. Either way, it made your blood boil. You felt the money crinkle in the pocket of your jeans with every step.

You’d briefly considered spitting in his smoothie, but you didn’t want to lose your job over Jeon Jungkook.

After all, you’d already lost your youth to the kid.

You glanced outside and watched the rainclouds gathering. Of course, you’d forgotten to bring an umbrella. It wasn’t like you’d checked the weather on the way out. Grumpily, you glanced down at your phone to check the time. Twenty minutes late now. What did Sora have to do that was so important? Normally, you’d complain to a friend. But Sua was about the closest you had these days and you weren’t sure you could trouble her with it.

But…were you really friends if you didn’t reach out to her from time to time?

Sighing, you glanced around the shop, making sure nobody was watching you, and unlocked your phone. So much had already happened that a quick message didn’t seem reasonable, but you couldn’t very well bury your head in your phone so after every few clicks you’d sweep your gaze around. You settled for an anxious few words between nervous glances at the rest of the shop. Realistically, you were off the clock anyway. But you didn’t want any bad Yelp reviews on your behalf.

You: Sua, on God today is cursed.

You waited a few moments for a response before growing impatient. Everything was taking forever today: that interaction with Jungkook, Sora taking over your shift, and now Sua not responding. Of course, she had no obligation to. She was probably busy with her own preparation much like the other graphic design students. You had no right to expect that of her.

Wasn’t that your problem from the start? Expecting too much?

Your phone buzzed in response as your mind began to drift toward melancholy thoughts and as you slid it open your eyes went wide and your fingertips chilled as the blood rushed to your cheeks.

Blind Date: Hah…I’m not Sua, but I am willing to listen if you need it…?

Blind Date: Was wondering when I’d hear from you.

Mortified didn’t even begin to cover it. You cupped a hand over your lips in horror, and just as you were about to melt into a pile of melted pride on the floor, the door swung open and a breathless Sora met your eyes with a nervous smile. You swallowed hard and pocketed your phone, offering Sora your full attention. He bowed his head to you, bending at the waist, as he approached the counter.

“I am so sorry for being late!” he shouted, loud enough for every patron to glance at him and, subsequently, you.

Your flushed face went beet red as Jungkook turned to stare at you, eyes wide. Of course, another embarrassing moment in front of that guy. “U-um, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” you said, waving your hands.

He sniffled and looked up at you, eyes red with impending tears. “I really didn’t mean to, but I fell asleep after class today and-,”

“Sora, it’s cool,” you said, removing your apron and hanging it on the rack behind you. “I’m gonna go now though so I can catch my subway.”

Sora stiffened and nodded, giving you a salute before scampering behind the counter and putting on his own apron. “I really am sorry!” he called after you.

You waved a hand and rushed out onto the sidewalk, lingering beneath the awning as the rain began to drizzle from overhead. You returned your attention to your phone, pushing your hair behind your ears so you could see properly, and swallowed your nerves.

You: I…am such an idiot.

You: I’m so sorry. I was at work and I’m not supposed to be on my phone, but I just…

You: Jesus, honestly you can just delete my number. I don’t think I can look at your contact anymore without cringing.

You were poised to take a step out into the rain when your phone vibrated again and you jumped to read it with barely shaking hands.

Blind Date: No! It’s okay. Seriously.

Blind Date: I can list dumber things I’ve done today alone.

Blind Date: Besides, sounds like you need someone to talk to anyway…?

You blinked at your phone screen a few times, cocking your head to the side. Somehow, his words had calmed you down, just a little. Your flaming cheeks were cooler now when you poked one with the pad of your finger. Your heart wasn’t a hammer against your ribcage. And as you glanced over your shoulder at the window into the coffeeshop, you found Jungkook was no longer in sight. With a few texts alone, things seemed a little better.

You: I won’t bore you with all of it, haha.

You: It was more of a Sua story anyway I think.

You: I’m trying to break through that kinda hesitant first stage of friendship with her and

You: Well anyway, I’m sorry to bother you. Hope you’re doing good?

Blind Date: Haha, hey I get it. Friendships are weird. Took me a while to make any real friends this year since I was so shy.

You: You were shy?

Blind Date: Oh big time. I still don’t really know how to approach people without saying or doing something wrong.

Blind Date: Like today. I think I came across like an asshole to someone.

Blind Date: That happens a lot actually -_-

Blind Date: Being nervous makes me act weird.

You: Really? You sound really confident over text.

Blind Date: Haha really? That’s good to hear at least.

Blind Date: I’m about the least confident person I know.

Blind Date: Whew, not exactly the impression I wanted to give to a possible date! Oops.

You smiled at your phone and began typing out a response when the door by your hip swung open and out walked Jungkook and his friends. Jungkook caught your eye as your smile was slipping into a scowl and you quickly righted yourself, looking away down the busy street. You held your phone close to your chest and popped a hip out to the side, feigning disinterest.

“See you guys tomorrow,” said one boy.

“Yeah,” responded Jungkook, and you saw out the corner of your eye that the guys parted ways. Jungkook lingered beside you underneath the awning, watching you keenly. “Who were you texting?” he asked.

You stiffened and glanced up at him with a frown. “Is that any of your business?” you asked.

He flushed a little, rubbed the back of his head, and let out a few breathy laughs. “Sorry. Guess not,” he said with a sigh.

For a few moments the two of you just stood there, silent. You weren’t sure what to do next without an umbrella, and you didn’t want Jungkook to think you were just…spending time with him for fun. But still, you didn’t move or make a sound. Just watched the steadily increasing rainfall splatter against the pavement, gathering in pools beside the sidewalk.

“Listen,” he began, turning to you properly. You eyed him from below with raised brows. “I really don’t want any bad energy between us, okay? I know things were messy before, but we’re in college now. It’s been years, right?” Some of the tension between you broke, but it was quickly replaced by a new tension: your outrage.

You blinked at him, working your jaw. “Jungkook, you don’t get to tell me when I’m allowed to stop being hurt,” you said, shaking your head. “Seeing you is a little painful, even though it’s been a long time. So…maybe just ignore me.”

Jungkook sighed and gripped the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, Y/N. You know I am.”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t really want anything to do with you,” you said, meeting his eyes. Your own calm surprised you. He looked desperate, brows knit and lips parted. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to just leave me alone.”

He blinked a few times, eyes wide. “I…I mean, we go to the same school now and everything. I just transferred this year and it’s…I don’t really know many people. It’s not like we’re strangers, so why should we act like we are?”

You swallowed your anger. “I’m gonna go now,” you said, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and walking out into the rain. You turned to look at him. “I don’t think you get what I’m saying, so it’s not worth repeating it again in a different way. Just…leave me alone.”

But before you could take a single step toward the subway entrance three blocks away, Jungkook was beside you in the rain, fiddling with his umbrella. “Wh-what are you doing? I just said to leave me alone!” you called at him over the sound of the rain around you.

Jungkook spat rainwater out from between his lips and shook his head as the umbrella finally popped open and the rain stopped pummeling you, now ricocheting off the nylon. You stared up at Jungkook underneath the dark umbrella, confined beneath it, confined to this small, enclosed space. Your chest was nearly touching his arm and his breath was warm as it fanned across your face. Strawberries. Like his smoothie. Rain was caught in his long eyelashes and his rosy lips were still parted, cheeks a warm pink. He stared down at you and for a brief moment, you felt a hot, shooting sensation running from the top of your head to your toes.

“Let me walk you to the station at least,” he said, scanning you.

You felt a little faint, and the sweet scent of his cologne only made you more disoriented. “I’m fine. It’s only a few blocks,” you said, but even you could admit your voice sounded weak.

He sighed, eyes falling to the ground. “I know I hurt you a lot back then, but…,” he began, then shook his head. “Even if it’s small, I wanna make it up to you somehow. So…let me walk you.”

You rubbed your bare forearm and inhaled sharply, shutting your eyes for a moment. “Fine,” you forced out and the two of you began walking.

“So…,” said Jungkook after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. “How was your date the other day?”

You groaned. “What we’re not gonna do is this.”

Jungkook chuckled. “Sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “Just curious.”

You watched your hands, clasped in front of you, and sighed. “It didn’t happen,” you said. If nothing else, at least your time with Jungkook made you remarkably comfortable talking to him about your thoughts and feelings. “We cancelled.”

“Why?” he asked, brows high.

You shrugged. “After seeing you, I was kinda crabby so…”

“It was my fault?” He pointed with his free hand to his own chest, eyes wide.

“I mean, yeah but not really,” you said with an easy exhale. “It’s for the best anyway. He seems like a really nice guy. I don’t wanna end up hurting his feelings or something.”

“You’d rather be alone than risk having things end badly?” he asked.

You peered up at him. “Wonder why that is,” you mumbled before glancing away.

He sighed. “Sorry.”

“Mhm.”

The rest of the walk was silent as the two of you were forced to simply live with the words you’d exchanged, unable to do anything to alter the events that led you here. All you could do was walk forward, united under a shared umbrella for just a moment, until you ducked out from beneath it and disappeared down the subway station stairs, not even pausing for a moment to wave or say goodbye.

Blind Date: Yikes, did I really scare you off?

You raised your brows at your phone screen as the subway bumped along. It was too crowded to find a seat, so you stood cramped between a stout businessman and a high school girl, all of you holding the railing overhead for stability. You couldn’t help it, but again you smiled. After all the craziness that had come from the day, this stranger seemed to help you feel at ease.

You: Haha nope! It’d take more than that.

You: I bumped into someone I didn’t want to see, so I had to take care of that.

Blind Date: !!! Same person as before??

You: Yeah, if you can believe it lol.

Blind Date: (o_O)

Blind Date: How unlucky can a person be?

You: That’s what I’m saying. (￢_￢;)

You: That’s actually one of the things I was gonna complain to Sua about.

You: Y’know, teenage heartbreak and high school angst. Etc.

Blind Date: Hey, I said it before. I’d love to listen!

Blind Date: Aight, that was too enthusiastic. How about: I wouldn’t mind hearing you out!

You: Lol, good addendum.

You: I mean, it’s not like it’s really that serious. Just…in high school I was really shy. I didn’t have very many friends and I thought that I was fine on my own, you know?

You: But I guess I was lonelier than I thought haha. There was this really handsome guy in my class who started sitting with me on the roof at lunch. At first, neither of us really said anything. Just…sitting together.

You: But after a while, we got pretty close. Half a school year maybe. He said he came up there because the air was nice, but I had a feeling it had to do with the fact that he was a little too popular for his own good. Everyone wanted to talk to him. But he was like me.

You: Introverted, I mean.

Blind Date: Sounds like you two were good friends, then?

You: Yeah, until I caught feelings lol. Mistake.

Blind Date: You confessed??

You: Hehe…yes.

You: After a while being close, I felt really comfortable telling him anything. I told him it wasn’t like I was expecting him to date me or anything. I just wanted him to know so he could be a little more careful around me.

You: But it seemed like he reciprocated.

You: We started dating…I guess?

You: Never put a label on it, which was another mistake on my part for not asking.

You: But we did everything couples did, just…not really in front of anyone from school.

You: Never asked about that either lol.

Blind Date: Oh…

Blind Date: I mean…that doesn’t sound so good…

You: Haha, it’s probably exactly what it sounds like because once we’d been together for about a year, he ended things really suddenly. We were getting ready to apply for colleges and he was gonna go for one in a different city. He said it wouldn’t work out.

You: I fought really hard for it, but he started saying pretty mean things and I didn’t want to get hurt so I ended up conceding.

Blind Date: Mean things?

You: Things I don’t really wanna type out haha…

Blind Date: Shit! Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.

You: Hey, don’t worry! Old wounds. I should probably get over it, really.

You: No time like the present!

You: He said he never really liked me and he was only with me because he felt bad for me. Didn’t really love hearing that.

You: He said because I didn’t have friends, he pitied me. That was why he went to the roof to eat with me. Why he kissed me and all that. Took me on dates. ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌ Pretty dumb, imo, but that’s what he said and it seemed like he meant it anyway lol.

Blind Date: Y/N…

You: Hey, you asked!

Blind Date: That’s really shitty. You didn’t deserve that.

Blind Date: You carried that around with you all these years?

You: Hah, admitting it sounds kinda pathetic, huh?

You: I guess it’s not the sort of thing you just…get over. I think I really loved him too, so…

You: Anyway, seeing him now is really weird. Never thought I’d see him around here again, but suddenly he’s everywhere haha. Definitely doesn’t feel great, tbh.

You: Ew, sorry for laying all that on you. Not exactly small talk.

Blind Date: No!! Don’t apologize. I’m glad you talked to me about it. Honestly…I feel really sorry for you. It sounds like the whole thing affected you a lot. :-(

Blind Date: If it makes you feel better, I think I can understand you a little!

Blind Date: Like I said, I’m a bit shy myself. It’s not an issue of having friends, but finding good ones. It’s hard for me to socialize without saying something dumb and regretting it. So for a while, when I first started college, I isolated myself a lot. I didn’t want to make any more mistakes, you know?

Blind Date: But recently, I’ve met some people who are really kind. People who don’t judge me when I mess things up (which is often haha). They help me communicate better.

You: You communicate really well, I think :-)

Blind Date: Haha, thank you. I’m actually blushing a little, whew. Uh, I guess it’s because it’s easier to type things out. Speaking is hard because you can’t just reword things before sending them. You say it out loud and it’s forever, you know?

You: Yeah! Jeez, that actually happened to me today (—_—)

You: I’m glad someone else understands it lol

Blind Date: Yeah, me too.

By the time you received the last message, you were already back inside your apartment, soaked from the walk home. You’d used your bag to cover your phone as you walked and typed, so now the thing was slumped against your dining chair like a sopping wet creature. But still, you smiled at your phone. Even though the conversation with Jungkook had been jarring, you’d almost forgotten it after chatting with your blind date. It felt oddly vulnerable to reveal so much to him, but his reaction had been really reassuring. You set your phone aside and padded to the bathroom to dry yourself a little with a towel, catching sight of yourself in the mirror. Your cheeks were a little flushed, eyes clear, and still smiling. You shook your head, trying to shake off your grin, but when you glanced back at your reflection it was still the same.

With the towel dangling across your shoulders, you returned to the living room and saw your phone lit up with another new text. Smiling, you unlocked it and read what he had to say.

Blind Date: Off topic, but uh…

Blind Date: Did you happen to catch the most recent episode of Game of Thrones?

Blind Date: Because I need to talk about it or I might explode.

You raised your brows and, without meaning to, you laughed. Was this okay? Was it alright to become close to someone like this again? Was it alright to be excited about someone again? You were fearful, cautious, hesitant. After everything with Jungkook, you’d found it impossible to trust people’s intentions. Were they being nice to you because they liked you or because they felt bad for you? Would you get hurt if you trusted the goodwill of the people around you?

You: Um…

You: CAN WE TALK ABOUT ARYA???

You weren’t going to talk to him again.

Well…that was your intention anyway. But by Friday, you’d spent every night up late chatting with this Nochu guy. It wasn’t like you talked about anything all that interesting or profound. Music you liked, games you played, anime you watched. You’d spent the better portion of Thursday night talking about whether Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood was superior. You weren’t sure why you were compelled to respond every time his name lit up your phone. And you really weren’t sure why you were the one reaching out to him now as you sat watching your professor detail the process of molecular movement across a cell membrane.

Perhaps you’d missed making easy conversation with someone you liked talking to…

After high school, you’d become something of a recluse. You spent more nights in than out and despite doing well in your classes, you’d found yourself…slightly lonesome. That’s why when Sua gave you her number after you’d successfully finished a project together a few months ago, you’d been quick to take it. Even though it was a little scary, some small part of you wanted to trust people again.

And maybe that’s why too. Why you were sending this stupid text in the middle of your lecture.

You: Hey dude. You free today?

Blind Date: Hm? Why?

You: Idk, Burger King or smth?

Blind Date: Hehe, are you trying to revive our dead romance?

You: O.O Our romance died already? After one failed date?

Blind Date: Hahaha I mean…you can try giving it CPR if you want…?

Blind Date: Mouth-to-mouth ;-D

You: Yuck, I take it back. Our romance is dead and buried.

You: Anyway, you free?

Blind Date: Uh yeah probs later. I’ve got class until 4.

Blind Date: Does that work for your Burger King plan?

Blind Date: I know it’s hard to get a reservation at that place on short notice >.<

You: I take it all back.

You: I have plans tonight, soz.

You: Talk to ya later, weeb.

You smiled and set your phone down beside your notebook, refocusing on your professor. But your attention was quickly assuaged by your phone vibrating once more. You smirked down at it and, covertly, read the slew of oncoming text messages with a chuckle.

Blind Date: !!! That’s rude !!!

Blind Date: You can’t just offer a Burger King date and snatch it out from under me like that.

Blind Date: I’ll be mad if you jerk me around >:-(

Blind Date: You see that face? I mean BUSINESS.

You: Calm down lol, I was kidding.

You: Let’s meet at the Burger King next to the ramen place near campus?

Blind Date: Hehe, sounds good :-P

Blind Date: Ah, but don’t be too surprised when you meet me, okay?

Blind Date: I don’t want you fainting when you see my handsome face 8-)

You: Mhm, I’ll be sure not to faint.

Blind Date: I mean…a little fainting is fine…

You: Haha shut up. I’ll see you there. Looking forward to putting a face to the texts!

Blind Date: Hopefully my face doesn’t disappoint lol.

You: Yikes, mine either.

Blind Date: Yours won’t.

Blind Date: Haha, I’m sure you’ll look great. That’s what I meant.

Blind Date: Ew, all of that was hard to read. Forget I said anything hhhhhh.

You smiled fondly at your phone before sliding it into your bag. “You look kinda smitten,” said Sua from beside you.

You jumped and glanced at her as the rest of the class began packing up. She was grinning at you like a co-conspirator, brows low, knowing grin on her face. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been texting someone named Blind Date during every class period for a week,” she said, cocking a brow. “I take it you guys hit it off?”

You felt yourself go warm. Not like with Jungkook the other day, but like something else. Something a little deeper than a physical reaction. Nonetheless, you cleared your throat and smiled at Sua. “He’s a good guy. I think we could be good friends.”

“Friends?” she asked with a laugh, flitting her hand as the two of you stood together. “Sounds boring. Get a smooch or two out of it or it’s a bust.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “I don’t really know if he’d be interested in me that way.”

“What about you?” she asked, eyeing you. “Would you be interested?”

You stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide, and opened and shut your mouth a few times. “I…,” you began, then glanced at your feet. You followed her out into the hallway where students hurried by in a flash beside you. “I mean…”

Sua paused her walking to stare back at you, her teasing grin replaced with a genuine one. “Wait, do you actually like him-like him?” she asked, eyes alight.

You stiffened, scratching your arm, and sighed. “Jeez, I don’t know! Maybe,” you said, waving your hands. “Forget it, I’ve got another class soon.”

She laughed as you maneuvered around her through the hall, calling after you. “You’re cute when you’ve got a crush!”

You sat at a booth by yourself at Burger King, waiting for your not-date to show up. It had only been a few minutes and already your anxiety was starting to speak in your ear. He’s not showing up, it whispered, You’re an idiot. And maybe you were. Looking around the fast food joint, you saw more than a few couples, sitting side-by-side or gazing at each other over fried chicken. You didn’t envy them. Not that way. Just…maybe it was the human connection you missed more than anything. Last time you’d been in this situation, you were still deeply in love with Jeon Jungkook.

You were sixteen and you sat twiddling your thumbs on a suburban bench overlooking Seoul. Trees swayed in the summer breeze and carried with them the scent of young hopefulness, naivety in the form of dogwood blossoms. You watched the uneven cityscape before you as it resisted the pull of the wind, and far in the distance, slightly glittering in the sunlight, the Han River. Jungkook had said he’d be there at exactly two. It was ten past, and you were getting a little nervous. You’d confessed not a week prior during the last week of school, and to your shock Jungkook had been receptive. He hadn’t said anything bold like ‘I like you too’ or ‘let’s date’ but he had invited you out for some ice cream and you figured that was much the same thing for him.

Maybe he’s just being nice, you thought to yourself with a sigh. You’d spent a long time picking out the right outfit, getting your hair to lay just right. And still, you didn’t feel quite up to par with him. Girls were always confessing their love for him. Guys too. What made you any different than the dozens of other hopefuls? He probably won’t come…

“Y/N!” called a voice from the winding, hilly street.

You jumped and turned, and your heart swelled as you saw Jungkook running down the sidewalk toward you, grinning from ear to ear. And that was what did you in. That sincerity, that vigor, that enthusiasm…all for you. You stood up to meet him and chuckled as he caught his breath, patting his chest.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, panting. “My mom started lecturing me, so I got tied up.” After a few moments regaining his composure, he finally looked at you properly and when he did, you noticed his cheeks going red hot, eyes round. “Oh, wow,” he said, glancing away with a jittery laugh. “S-Sorry, you…you look really nice.”

You felt a little faint. You’d spent months pining after this kid, pining after this purity you kept glimpsing in him, and now…

He was saying you looked nice.

It was almost enough to knock the breath out of you.

You smiled at your shoes and rubbed your neck. “Th-thank you,” you said.

He laughed, nervous once more, and gave your shoulder a shove. “Hey, don’t get all clammy on me, okay? Nothing’s weird between us. Just…two pals…on a date.”

You jumped and stared up at him with unbridled surprise. “Date?” you asked, shameless hope in your voice.

He laughed, eyes turning to crescents, and nodded. “What else would it be?” Of course. Of course, since it was Jungkook, the answer was just that simple, wasn’t it?

You swallowed hard and tried to manage your expression, but you couldn’t fight the smile teasing your lips. “Oh,” you said, letting out a breathy laugh.

He examined you for a moment, scanning you. You weren’t used to going out with friends, let alone dating. All of this was new and exhilarating to you. But you felt a sudden wave of shyness that you couldn’t fight off, and a slightly pleasant self-consciousness. You felt him looking at you, and it didn’t feel like he hated looking. You became very aware of your body, each limb, each finger. Still smiling a little, you laughed again, unsure of what else to do. These were uncharted waters, after all.

“Hm,” he said, bending down to meet your eyes. You blushed and leaned away a little, but he was blushing too and it made you feel better knowing perhaps he was just as nervous as you. “Lemme prove it.”

Your eyes went wide, but before you could say or do anything, Jungkook closed the distance between you, tipping his chin so that your lips met. His lips were warm and soft. They tasted like chapstick and banana milk. You didn’t move, not a single muscle, and perhaps this worried him because he was quick to lean away and stare down at you, fresh insecurity on display in his warm brown eyes.

“Sorry! Was that too sudden?” he asked, laughing and glancing away, down the quiet street. “Jeez, I got carried away, huh? Ha, I’m sorry.”

Before he could spiral, you took a timid step forward and pushed yourself onto your toes. Gently, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself nearer to him. He jumped and looked at you with stunned eyes. But you didn’t give him a chance to think too much, because before long you were kissing him, head tilted to the side, eyes shut. Without much pause, his hands found your waist and stayed there, respectful, unsure.

And somehow, you’d summoned the courage to do it. To kiss him back.

Because he showed up, after all.

He didn’t leave you alone…

Fifteen minutes now and you were beginning to worry. You reasoned that at least there were worse places to be stood up. A nice steakhouse, for instance. At least here you weren’t the only solo diner. But nonetheless, the feeling of a deep gut-punch was only growing. Dread and disappointment mingled into a bitter cocktail in the pit of your stomach. Wouldn’t this just be…poetic? Getting stood up for your first date after years of fear and emotional isolation?

Wouldn’t that be exactly what would happen?

Thirty minutes. At first, you tried to tell yourself he was probably just running late from a class. After all, the walk from campus alone was around seven minutes. Maybe he’d gotten released late. Maybe he’d gotten held up with a professor or classmate. You stared at your Whopper with dead eyes now, watching the cold burger as all the heat drained from it. It was too late to save it now. And perhaps it had never been meant for you to eat anyway. Maybe it was your destiny to become a vegetarian or something.

Nonetheless, you sent a text.

Even though it felt pathetic.

You: Hey, uh…we still on for Burger King?

You: No rush, haha.

You: Just a little worried…

Was this revenge for ruining the first date? Some elaborate plot to get back at you? He seemed like a really sweet guy, but so had Jungkook after all. After several minutes without a reply, you began to accept the fact that you’d been thoroughly stood up. Your throat constricted, eyes going a little hazy, and resolved to wait a little longer. Just a little.

Forty-eight minutes. No reply and no date. By then, plenty of customers had come and gone through the front doors, none of them him. You couldn’t bring yourself to take even one bite of food, the money wasted, the time wasted too. How much time had you wasted, really? How much of your life had you spent watering dead plants?

When Jungkook told you he wanted to break up, you’d been in disbelief. The two of you were close, so close it almost hurt, and the sudden end felt like a slap in the face or a jolt to the heart. You’d fought him in his room that night, the sunset turning the ends of his hair gold, turning his eyes gold too. He had no right being so handsome at a moment like that. You asked for a reason and he said he didn’t want any strings going in to college. He wanted to be unaffiliated. But you couldn’t accept that. You couldn’t accept that the time you spent together had meant so little to him, that the relationship was a dead plant from the start.

I was only dating you because I felt bad for you! he’d shouted once he’d had enough. Ever wonder why I never told anyone about us?! You’d been stunned then, stunned silent. Your brain was failing to process his words. He’d never spoken that way to you before. How much time had you spent in love? How much time had he spent pitying you? I was your only friend, for God’s sake! What did you expect me to do?!

Perhaps you’d been right after all. Perhaps giving yourself to other people was too dangerous, too painful. Perhaps loving someone wasn’t worth it, perhaps it could never be completely reciprocal. Perhaps any relationship you had would be a waste of time. Perhaps all you were destined to do was water dead plants until finally, you decided it was enough.

One hour. You stood up from your seat, wiped beneath your eyes as the tears you’d been fighting finally crested over your bottom eyelid, and carried your tray to the garbage. You slid your trash into the bin and, sniffling, wandered out toward the exit. Customers avoided walking too close to you, likely noticing the tears that were now tracking stubbornly down your cheeks. You would have wiped them, had you had the energy to care.

But all you wanted was to go home and be alone.

Alone for a while.

You pushed your way outside, taking in the fresh spring day. No more rain, even though you would have welcomed it. It could have concealed your crying, your red nose and swelling eyes. You could have cowered beneath a bus stop and nobody would have noticed you. Nobody would have noticed.

Instead, the spring day was gorgeous, teasingly beautiful. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon, and people milled about through the street, smiling and chatting easily. Sniffling, you wiped your nose and joined them, walking down the sidewalk toward the subway entrance near campus.

You were overreacting. You didn’t even know this guy that well yet. He wasn’t a boyfriend, he wasn’t someone you’d given your whole heart to. He hadn’t betrayed you, because deep down you’d expected this. Maybe that’s what upset you so much. Being proven right.

You exited the crowd of people a block from the Burger King and walked with your head down toward the subway entrance. You were about to step on to the escalator when you heard someone call your name.

“Y/N!”

You turned slowly, eyes bleary from all the crying, and rubbed your tears away to see them clearly. Again, like he had some sort of sense for when you were most humiliated, Jungkook stepped toward you. His face was contorted in worry, thick brows knit, mouth agape as he stared down at you, scanning you.

You sniffled and nodded. “What?” you asked.

“What are you doing?” he asked softly, taking you by the crook of the arm and leading you toward a more sparsely populated alley beside the sidewalk. You didn’t fight. Didn’t have it in you. “Are you okay?” he asked, his own eyes watery as he looked down at you, forcing your head up as he held it between two big, warm hands.

You kept your gaze on the dirty ground. “Let me go,” you said, but it was weak.

“Y/N…,” he whispered, smoothing his thumb against your cheek. “Jesus.”

“What?” you asked, looking at him quick, fierce. “Are you pitying me?”

His eyes went wide and he shook his head. Looking at him now, he seemed pretty shaken himself. Why did the two of you keep bumping into each other like this? “No! No, that’s not it.”

“Then what?” you asked, shaking his hands off your face. “What is it, huh? Here to show off your money? Show me how good you’re doing while I’m working minimum wage? Huh? Do you like feeling superior?”

He swallowed hard, his expression revealing some sort of hurt you couldn’t name. “No! Please, it’s not that! Let me explain-,”

“No! You don’t have any right to ask me to listen to you!” you said, sobbing. You wiped your eyes with your forearm and shook your head. “Just leave me alone! Everyone!” you shouted.

Jungkook took your shoulders in his hands to keep you still and you tried a few times to shake yourself free, but to no avail. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

You kept crying, the ancient pain welling up from inside you like some age-old reserve finally erupting. Your body rocked with the force of your tears. “Isn’t it pathetic? The minute I start trying to reach out, I get stood up?” you asked with a manic laugh. “Doesn’t that just make you feel so good? Aren’t I pitiable?”

Jungkook’s own tears were pooling in his eyes and you could see them there, threatening to fall. “Please,” he said quietly.

You shook your head. “Isn’t this what you want? Someone to look down on? Someone to feel bad for?” you asked, face wet from the tears. “Can’t you just leave me alone?!” you shouted, loud enough to rouse the attention of a few people on the sidewalk behind Jungkook’s back.

Jungkook, without another word, sniffled sharply and pulled you flush against his chest. You struggled against his strong hold for a few moments, writhing, before finally submitting. Without even meaning to, you wrapped your arms around his torso and sobbed into his black shirt. He held you close, resting his cheek on your head. You could have sworn you felt a few tears hitting your shoulder.

But before you could get too comfortable in his embrace, you pushed yourself away and stared at him, bitter, angry, from several feet away. You looked at him like a feral thing, like an alleycat. And the way he watched you was different than it was that day by the bench. It was worried now, like a shadow had crossed over his face.

“I’m sorry-,” he began.

You shook your head and shoved past him. “Don’t talk to me. Ever,” you spat as you walked by, rejoining the stream of people on the sidewalk toward the subway entrance.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked Sua as the two of you left class.

Half a week had passed, and you were eager for more time to distance you from that unpleasant day. You’d received a slew of texts from your blind date, all of which had gone unanswered. They ranged from the typical I’m so sorry texts to more in-depth explanations. Apparently, he’d gotten nervous. Cold feet, he’d said. Nervous for what, you didn't know and you wouldn’t ask. You were meeting at a Burger King for God’s sake. What could he have been that nervous about?

You glanced at her and offered a tight smile. “Mhm. I’m good. Just…uh…gotta get to work later so I’m thinking about that,” you said, over-explaining. Of course, lying just wasn’t for you.

Sua sighed and hooked an arm around your elbow, leaning close to you as the two of you walked down the hallway. You edged away just slightly, and it seemed she noticed as she turned to you with wide eyes. You hated to admit it, but everything with that Nochu guy had made you wary of even Sua. They did know each other after all. Had this been one big setup from the start? Were the two conspiring to hurt you?

You shook your head and patted her hand with a smile. Of course not. Of course that was crazy. But…something about this whole thing had you feeling crazy. “Sorry,” you said quietly. “Just…met up with someone from my past the other day and it didn’t feel so good.”

She raised her brows. “What? You never mentioned anyone like that before…,” she said, her brows lowering. She looked a little hurt.

You swallowed hard. “Ah, well it’s no big deal,” you said, flitting a hand with a choppy laugh. “It’s in the past for a reason.”

She pouted. “You know you can talk to me, right?” she said, eyeing you.

And with those words, your chest constricted a little and a small pang of guilt clenched your stomach. You didn’t want to end up hurting her. She was sweet and she wanted to be close to you. But what could you do if you just weren’t ready for that? How could you tell her you may never be ready?

Instead, you turned to her and offered a smile. “I know.”

Blind Date: Y/N…

Blind Date: Please respond. Please.

Blind Date: I really really want to explain everything to you.

Blind Date: I know I really hurt you, but I want to explain.

Blind Date: Isn’t that selfish of me?

Blind Date: To hurt you and then ask you to listen to me?

Blind Date: I’m sorry.

Blind Date: I’m selfish.

You sighed as you watched your phone. The coffeeshop was quiet, fewer patrons now that the design students had finished their projects, and you felt safer looking at the onslaught of texts that just wouldn’t stop flooding your phone. You know you can talk to me, right? That’s what Sua said. She had reached out her hand to you.

And you’d pulled back.

You eyed your phone for a long few moments. Wasn’t it time to stop running away because you were scared of being hurt? Wasn’t it time to stop expecting someone to walk all the way across the tightrope to you and start walking to meet them in the middle instead?

Wasn’t it wrong to punish people for something someone else did?

You: Hey…

You: Sorry I haven’t responded. I just needed space I think.

Blind Date: Shit, I know. I’m so sorry.

Blind Date: You know I care about you though, right?

Blind Date: You know I wasn’t trying to hurt you on purpose, right?

You: I mean, we’ve only known each other a few weeks haha.

You: Honestly, I probably overreacted.

You: After everything that happened with that guy I told you about, I think I’m just a little too sensitive. And I took it out on you. And that was wrong.

Blind Date: No, no! Please don’t apologize. Jesus. It’s entirely my fault. All of it.

You: Haha it’s really not. I shouldn’t hold you and him to the same standards when you’re different people. That’s on me.

Blind Date: Can I see you?

You: Huh? So suddenly? I’m working…

Blind Date: The coffeeshop on campus?

You: Yeah…

You: Don’t come right now though!

You: I won’t be able to talk to you anyway.

Blind Date: I’ll wait. When do you get off?

You: Nine…

Blind Date: I’ll see you at nine.

You blushed, staring down at your screen. Since when was he so direct like this? And why did it make your heart race, just a little?

Sua was right. You definitely had a crush…

You watched the front doors as you began cleaning up the coffeeshop. Closing time was coming soon, and with five minutes until nine you were beginning to feel that festering fear that you’d be stood up again. But as that voice returned to your mind, you were quick to quiet it. You wanted to believe in people again. You couldn’t live your life all alone.

So you swept beneath tables and propped chairs atop them. You cleaned the windows. You hummed a pop song to yourself, trying to keep your mind busy. When you glanced outside, you noticed the spring showers had returned and the rain was falling in bullets from the dark sky. With a sigh, you settled down on one of the recliners by the window, watching cars and buses and people speed by. You wondered which one would come inside despite the sign now reading ‘closed’. You wondered who this person was.

Before you realized it, you were dozing off, struggling to keep your eyes open as you reclined against the comfortable cushions. Your breathing became more rhythmic, deeper in your chest with each inhale, and you snuggled into the back of the recliner with a heavy sigh.

And that’s when you heard it. The distinctive ting of the bell dangling over the front door. Your eyes opened wide and you saw his reflection in the mirror beside you. Tall, dressed in dark clothes, hoodie up over his head and an umbrella in his hand, trailing droplets of rainwater onto the wood floor. You wanted to greet him right away, to get a proper look at him, but with your heart racing the way it was you couldn’t find the courage. It was enough for you just to respond to his texts. And now he was here, corporeal, right behind you.

You shut your eyes tight and feigned sleep.

“Y/N?” he called, and somehow you recognized his voice.

No way.

It couldn’t be…

You kept your eyes shut and curled your knees closer to your chest. Slowly, you heard him mill around the shop before pausing beside your recliner. His footsteps got closer, rounding the side of the chair to stand right in front of you. And, quietly, he laughed. And you were certain now. You knew exactly who he was.

You felt a warm, big hand press against the side of your head, smoothing your hair down, and heard a fond sigh. “Jeez,” he mumbled. You felt him crouch down beside your feet and his arm dropped to rest on the arm of the recliner. He gently rocked the chair back and forth for a moment, humming. “Don’t hate me too much, okay?” he asked in a whisper.

And, without another moment’s hesitation, you opened your eyes and stared right down at him. “Jungkook…?” you asked, scanning his face.

His eyes were round with shock and his whole person was wet. He gazed up at you from where he crouched on the floor and, mouth agape, said nothing. Wordlessly, you reached a hand out and touched his cheek with the pad of your index finger. Soaking wet. You sighed and pushed to your feet. Jungkook stumbled a little to accommodate you as you slipped past him to the counter. You rifled through the cabinets before producing a towel. By then, he’d followed you to the counter and was waiting on the other side. Sighing, you waved a hand, signaling for him to join you behind the register. He jumped and followed your silent command, and suddenly you were staring at his broad chest up close.

You swallowed your nerves and draped the towel atop his head. “Dry off,” you said, hopping up to sit on the counter. The lights in the shop were low, and the music still bumped lowly through the stereo. It might have been romantic, if it was anyone else. “Then we can talk.”

He nodded and fluffed the towel through his hair, obscuring his face from view for a few peaceful seconds. “I…I know I have a lot to explain.”

“Yeah,” you said.

He peeked out from behind the towel with one eye, watching you. “Are you mad?”

“Fuming, actually.”

He nodded and let the towel drop to his shoulders. “I expected that,” he said with a sigh. He came to stand in front of your knees, looking right at you with enough sincerity to knock the breath from your lungs. Just like that first date. “I don’t know where to start.”

“So you know Sua?” you asked, letting your heels bounce against the counter’s cabinets.

“Ah, uh, yeah,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “We’re in the same major, so…”

“And you transferred here?”

“Yeah,” he said, meeting your eyes. “It was…no good out in Busan. I missed home too much.”

You nodded, watching your thighs on the counter. “Figures.”

He chuckled wryly. “You know me too well.”

“Thought I did.”

Carefully, he took a single step forward and you jumped, meeting his eyes like a frightened prey. “I never meant for you to carry all that with you for so long,” he said, brows knit and eyes hazy like he may cry. “I didn’t expect you to be so hurt.”

“That’s stupid,” you said. “You can’t tell someone you were only with them out of pity and expect them not to be hurt.”

“I know, I just…Jesus, I’m just stupid,” he said, raking his fingers through his hair. “Since I was moving away, I didn’t want you to waste your time waiting for me to come back, so I wanted to give you a clean break. Since I knew you wouldn’t wanna break up just because of distance.”

You stiffened. “You…what?”

“I didn’t mean it,” he said. “Any of it.”

You felt like you’d been hit right in the diaphragm, like when you play dodgeball and someone throws a ball at your chest. You sat up straighter and stared at him, watching him carefully. “You lied?”

He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, meeting your eyes seriously. It really looked like he might have cried. “I didn’t think it was fair to keep you from meeting new people and making new connections.”

“Then why didn’t you tell anyone we were dating?” you asked, brow low, scanning him for any signs of insincerity.

His eyes went wide. “I…I told you before, my high school friends…they weren’t so great,” he said, shaking his head. “I meant it when I was texting you about all that. How t’s hard for me to find good people.”

“And you didn’t show up to Burger King last time because…?”

He sniffled. “I meant what I said about that too. I was…really nervous. I was scared you’d be disappointed when you found out it was me.”

You sighed. “Why weren’t you just honest with me from the start?” you asked, all animosity draining from your voice as you saw him wiping his red, swelling eyes. “Back in high school. Why didn’t you just tell me all of it then?”

He sniffed and looked away. “I was scared you’d think less of me if you knew I was so insecure. And I didn’t want you to wait for me in college, not when you could’ve been out making new friends.”

“Well, the opposite happened actually,” you said with a dry laugh. “I got really worried that any friends I made would be doing it out of pity.”

Jungkook stiffened. “You…you did?”

You nodded. “Yeah…”

“Shit,” he breathed out, gripping his forehead with two hands. “I’m so stupid!”

Distantly, the sound of the rain picked up outside. You nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking at you once more, startling you with his sincerity. “I messed up so bad. I messed up everything.”

You blinked at him, standing nearly at eye-level, and slowly reached out to wipe beneath his eyes with your fingertips. “Well, you were right about one thing. I wouldn’t have accepted it had you not said what you said.”

He furrowed his brow and leaned into your touch. “I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” you said.

He swallowed hard and you watched his Adam’s apple bob. “Really?”

“Well, yeah,” you said with a shrug. “Now that I know everything, it’s hard to be mad at you for being a jerk when you were really just being an idiot.”

He stared at you, inching forward so he rested just between your knees. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.

“Yeah, I know,” you said, letting out half a chuckle as you let your hands drop to his shoulders, giving them a pat.

“Really,” he said, nodding once as he stared right into your eyes.

“Jungkook, it’s-,”

Before you could finish, he had closed the distance between you, one hand grasping your jaw as he pressed a kiss to your lips. You jumped back, eyes wide, and stared at him in shock. He too looked shocked, like he hadn’t meant to do it at all. He shook his head, eyebrows knit, stuttering out syllables that didn’t add up to anything.

“I-I-you-I mean-,” he sputtered, irises shaking. You noticed no small margin of fear in his eyes, like he was terrified he’d messed things up again.

I didn’t want to make any more mistakes, you know?

The words he’d trusted you with through the screen, his sincere thoughts. He really regretted it a lot, didn’t he? Your expression softened as he continued struggling to find words, and, without even really meaning to, you wrapped your fingers around his neck. He didn’t seem to notice, or he was too spooked to comment on it, but you slowly pulled him closer. Just like that day in high school, just like it was when you’d first entered hopefully into this fateful relationship, you leaned in and pressed your lips against his, shutting your eyes. Stunned, he was completely still for a moment before eventually his hands moved to your hips, then slid along your sides, then hooked around your lower back. You hadn’t intended it, but the kiss was getting steamier with each passing moment. You felt his hot breath on your skin as he pulled back to adjust his position before crashing into you again.

As the fever settled down, Jungkook was the first to pull away, but only by a faction so he could speak. “I love you,” he whispered.

You stared wide-eyed at him, only inches away from you, eyes heavy-lidded and forehead resting just barely against yours. “O-Okay,” you said. It was all you could manage.

He chuckled once, still embracing you as he stood between your legs. “That’s it?”

“You expect me to say it back?” you asked.

He smiled, staring down at you. “I guess not.”

“You’re gonna have to give me some time,” you said with a nod.

He nodded too, shutting his eyes as he held you close. Slowly, he moved to rest his forehead against your shoulder, resting against the crook of your neck. “I understand.”

“Like…a lot of time probably.”

“I know.”

You let out a shaky exhale and only then did you realize your hands were shaking. As silly as it seemed, this reunion was pretty jarring to your system. The foundation on which you’d rebuilt your sense of self had broken down beneath your feet, leaving you to stand among the rubble once again. Just like back then. Everything you thought you understood had been proven wrong.

But nonetheless, you smoothed your palms against his back and rubbed gently. Not to comfort him, but to comfort yourself. To let yourself know that, even though it was scary, it was okay to trust people sometimes. Self preservation shouldn’t come at the sacrifice of human connection. And even though you knew the road ahead was going to be long and that trusting Jungkook again would take a long time and a lot of work on his end, you were ready to try.

So, as the two of you left the shop under one umbrella, you drafted a text.

You: Sua, I have SO MUCH to tell you.

#jungkook one shot #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #bts request #bts reader insert #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts fluff #bts angst #bts series #bts scenarios #jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook imagines #jungkook reactions #jungkook request

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royalcordelia · 5 years

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Summary: Instead of leaving her confession letter on the table, Anne gives it right to Hazel to deliver to Gilbert. (A 3x08 speculation story of what would have happened if Gilbert had Anne’s letter.)

Notes: This story was inspired by this post by @mostlyfangirling and this ask I got from an anon friend! Please enjoy!

Anne emerged from over the hill with the same insistence of Avonlea’s morning sun, its same fuschia blush on her cheeks. Hazel nearly mistook her for the horizon as a golden halo turned her into a dancing silhouette across the yard. Yet the closer Anne grew to the house, the more the characteristics of a normal human girl fell back over her - a wasp’s nest for hair, a disheveled apron, a bottomless depth in the souls of her eyes. She came upon the door, meeting Hazel’s inquisitive gaze with a friendly grin through the porch window.

“Hello!” came Anne’s muffled voice through the pane. Hazel straightened her back, wiping her dusty palms on her dress before opening the door. The second the door cracked open, she was nearly swept away by whatever anxious, palpable energy emanated from the girl. Yet the girl’s presence was far from uncomfortable, and even bore something warm, almost on fire. Fumbling with her hands, Anne began to speak. “You must be Mrs. Hazel! I am ever so honored to meet your acquaintance. Every time our family grows by one member, I cannot help but be selfishly glad for it. I’m Anne Shirley-Cuthbert!” Anne peered around Hazel’s shoulder. “Is Gilbert in?”

Hazel knew it was only a matter of time before the ladies would begin to come knocking after the young Blythe boy, no matter how many times Bash insisted he was already spoken for. She just didn’t suppose Gilbert’s suitors would be wildflowers popped up from the ground come to life in girl form.

“He’s gone to town on some errands,” was all Hazel could think to say.

Anne’s shoulders slumped as if something in her core had cracked. There had to be something that could be done. Agonizing over a solution, she tapped her foot to expel her nervousness and cut the silence. Maybe she could go to the train station to meet him, or wait here so that when he returned, she’d be the first thing he’d see. There were such wonderful blossoms along the way. What if she were to pluck a few for him? Would he even appreciate such a gesture?

“Are you sick?” Hazel’s voice broke in. Anne’s face snapped up to hers, and suddenly she could feel her confidence draining from her from a hole in her heart. Was she sick? Anne supposed she was, in the worst way a girl could be. What was she thinking coming here?

But she wasn’t thinking - that was the truth of it. She was burning alive, and she always would be if she didn’t tell Gilbert that she loved him right now. Today.

“Do you suppose I could write him a message?” she sputtered, startling Hazel with her urgency. “I have something to tell him of such importance that neglecting it would certainly be one of my life’s biggest regrets.”

“Whatever it is, I could pass along the message.”

“It really is something he should hear directly from me. I can’t risk him misunderstanding me twice.” From the doorway, Anne’s eyes caught Gilbert’s stack of paper and his homework pen sitting across the kitchen. “I’ll only be a second.”

With the paper before her and the quill in her hand, Anne could feel the turmoil of affection bubbling inside of her, a hurricane of inarticulable words that begged for meaning. How fast could her hand write that she had spent every minute of their friendship admiring him with such a fury that she once misinterpreted it as disdain? That the thought of his smile and gentle support made it difficult to walk, to breathe? That she had been completely devoured by her desire for him, so much so that she couldn’t remember a time without it?

Yet Anne wrote the simplest words she’d ever put to paper: “Dear Gilbert, I’m sorry I was confused before. I’m not anymore. I love you. -Anne.” There it was, immortalized in the paper, unable to be erased from existence. Was that truly all she wanted to say? Everything else, she supposed, could be explained in person. Then, with a jolt, she remembered to write one last thing down. “P.S. Could I please have my pen back ?”

Anne folded the paper with a gentle touch, writing Gilbert’s name across the front. Then, turning to Hazel, she said in a heavy voice, “Mrs. Hazel, please guard this letter with your life and ensure that it gets to Gilbert for me please. I would owe you greatly for such an imposition, but I’ve waited long enough to tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Hazel heard herself asking, surprising herself at her own prodding.

Anne’s cheeks took the same color as azaleas, soft underneath her freckles.

“I’m certain you could wager a guess.”

Hazel accepted the letter. It was weighty even to the touch, and for a split second, she wondered if there was more to Anne than what met the human eye.

“Yes, I think I can do as much.” It was a promise between women, between alike souls that knew how to love.

Anne pressed her lips together and nodded her appreciation, a praise of undying gratitude caught in her throat.

She was caught in the doorway when she turned to leave, eyes still fixed on the letter in Hazel’s hand. No part of her wanted to tear it away, toss it to the rambling wind to be forgotten. Gilbert would know, and whatever change to their friendship resulted, Anne was prepared to accept fate.

With one last glance of appreciation, Anne took Hazel’s hands and kissed the woman’s cheek. “Thank you, kind Hazel.”

And then, seeping back into the horizon from where she came, Anne disappeared into the orange-haloed hills.

Gilbert sailed into the house, laughing his way into the kitchen and right past the letter on the table. His lungs were sails full of air and his brow was damp from the hot summer. He collapsed into the chair on the other side of the kitchen near Delly, and the door opened with a fury, revealing an even more exhausted Sebastian.

“Laugh all you want, Blythe, but any boy can win a sprint race. The real test is the endurance run, a man’s sport! Don’t forget you promised to help me with the fence repairs, then we’ll see who's got dead bones.”

“Like you’d ever let me forget.”

The young boy was too busy rolling down his sleeves to wipe away his sweat to see Hazel slip the letter from the table and hide it behind her back. She approached Gilbert with caution, and knowing that it bore such importance was careful not to crease the important correspondence in her hands. Gilbert looked up at her with his eyes the color of the the island - its blue skies, its red soil, its green tree tops. He cocked his head as Hazel kept her expression stone cold, hiding what she knew behind it.

“Hazel, is something wrong?”

“No,” she said shortly. “A letter came for you today.”

He must’ve recognized his own stationary when it was placed into his hands, as well as the script across the front, because an immediate reverence softened his grasp.

“It’s from Anne.” He stared at it in his palm.

“Well, are you going to open it?” Bash exasperated.

“I don’t know if I want to. The last time I saw her...” Gilbert ran the pads of his fingers over the paper for a split second before swallowing the lump in his throat and unfolding the letter.

Gilbert was all but brought to his knees. His eyes somehow zeroed in on the words “I love you” and his stomach filled with hurricane winds or butterflies, turning him a man seconds away from taking flight. He shot to his feet, his inarticulate mouth gaping to say something, but coming up blank. All that came out was a relieved, half-sobbed burst of laughter.

Anne loved him! She loved him and she wrote it down with her own hand and left it for him to read. She loved him and she told him, even though he’d made her think he’d completely moved on to someone else because she loved him enough to hope. All the compromises in his head where he promised himself he’d grow to love Winifred were so terribly wrong, so impossibly hopeless. He knew what he really wanted, has always known, but now that it had been lit on fire by Anne’s returned love that, the truth could do nothing but burn brighter.

He wanted to race out into the yard, throw up his arms, and spin around until he collapsed on the ground with dizziness. But first he had to see Anne!

“How long ago was she here?” he rushed out.

“This morning,” Hazel replied.

Gilbert beelined out of the door, jumping over his two steps and set to the ground running as fast as he could. Somehow the tall grass at his sides in the fields was so much softer than it had been, and the breeze comfortably cool as it whizzed in his ears. All of nature, it seemed, had begun to rejoice with him, sweeping under his feet and hurrying him along.

When Green Gables came into view, all the wind in his lungs disappeared. He stumbled to a halt, gaze melting when he saw Anne sitting on the bench outside her front door. Her nose was buried into a book and one of her hands was reaching over the edge of the porch, moving slowly to catch some of the afternoon sun. The sight caused Gilbert’s heart to expand so fully in his chest that it almost hurt against his ribs.

He crept forward slowly, reminding himself how to walk. The movement caught Anne’s attention, and she froze. Gilbert hoped he was smiling, hoped that he was giving her some indication that his arrival here was a good thing. But his expression was heavy with the better feelings of his heart, indecipherable to Anne, who looked like she was seconds away from fleeing inside. She set her book aside and moved to the edge of the porch, waiting for him to say something.

There were a thousand different words on the tip of his tongue - Surely you must know how much I...You never said anything about...I was so sure that you’d never...Please accept me as I am, please please plea - but they remained unsaid. The longer he stood unmoving, the more Anne’s face fell.

Then, Gilbert remembered the letter that hadn’t left his hands and the pen that he’d been keeping in his pocket. He turned the parchment over, and with Anne’s fountain pen wrote out the only thing he could . He set both his confession and the pen in her shaking hands, and watched her eyes fall upon the paper. There were only four words to read.

I love you too.

“So much,” he managed to whisper. Anne’s ice blue eyes were clear and glossy, but a small smile dimpled her cheeks and Gilbert released a small sigh.

“Really?” she said softly. His throat felt thick, but he blinked the blurriness from his eyes and nodded. Anne lowered her forehead onto his, her presence a balm on every ache he’d ever felt, and he smiled as he leaned up to meet her. He wondered if a man could drown in happiness.

“It’s always been you, Anne. From the very first day, it’s only been you.”

He was a split second away from closing the distance between them when Anne took a hesitant step back. She bit her lip, her gaze falling to the floor beside her feet.

“What about Winifred?”

Gilbert blinked. He hadn’t had a chance to think that far ahead. Once he’d read her letter, he was like a man crazed to get here, to see her. His heart sunk in his chest at the vulnerable hope on her face. He reached for her hands and squeezed them gently.

“I’ll have to talk to Winifred as soon as possible. It’s long overdue.”

“What do you mean?”

His thumb ran over his knuckles as he spoke.

“In some ways, loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. In other ways, I’m profoundly inexperienced in the reality of love. I thought that because there was no chance for you and I, that I would have to grow to learn to love someone else. But the more time passed, the more I was hopelessly yours, and always would be. I should’ve known that real, genuine love is something you can’t just ignore.” He pulled her hand up to his cheek, then turned to kiss it. “I’m just relieved that I won’t have to pretend anymore.” He paused, meeting her eyes. “Will I?”

“No,” Anne replied warmly. “I think you and I have spent long enough dancing around each other. I won’t lock up what I’m feeling either.”

“So does that mean that when everything is cleared away you and I…?”

“I hope so,” Anne confessed.

Gilbert’s smile was pure gold. Every ounce of desire he thought he had to marry into a wealthy family and go off to the Sorbonne disappeared, never having existed in the first place. There were only visions in his head of this his home on Canadian soil and the family he was unknowingly building with Anne for years now. Days of holding Anne, tasting her smile were finally within reach.

Yet, everything he wanted to do in that moment, he couldn’t. Not until he talked to Winifred. It wouldn’t be easy, he knew. Winnie was so kind, and had never given him any reason to complain. He’d wronged her so cruelly, and had ignored the truth of it.

Anne was able to read his face like a book, and offered him a sad smile.

“If you go now, you can catch the earlier train into Charlottetown so you won’t be rushing to make the last one. Take your time to say what you need to and hear what she’ll say in return,” she offered.

Gilbert sighed. The more Anne spoke, the more he admired her, gravitated to her kind heart. Lovesickness had his heart in its unforgiving grasp, but it was best he’d ever felt.

“Maybe when I come back, we can go for a walk?” he said hopefully. Anne bit her lip, a blush forming sweetly on her cheeks.

“That sounds nice.”

From the corner of his eye, Gilbert caught a glance of the curtains moving in the window. Marilla stood half hidden behind the wall with a tender expression on her face as she comprehended what was happening on her porch. He tipped his head in respect then turned back to Anne.

“I have a train to catch,” he said a bit sadly. Anne nodded in understanding, stepping back to make the separation easier on them both. Gilbert’s feet mindlessly carried him a few paces away, but he paused and glanced over his shoulder. Anne stood where he’d left her, bathed in ethereal, dusky light, the letter still in her hands.

He crossed the distance in two short strides and took the letter from her hand. Then, as carefully as if he were harvesting a delicate flower from the garden, Gilbert tore his own confession off along the creased seam, and closed Anne’s hands over it.

“So you doubt or forget,” he murmured. Affection filled her eyes, sending a thrill down his back. Anne then took the rest of the letter in his hands, folded it, and slid it into his breast pocket.

“So you remember what has always been true,” she replied.

Lighter and more radiant than he’d ever been before, Gilbert fixed one last lingering glance on the one face he loved best and made his way down the drive.

Gilbert made good on his promise to come see Anne for a walk. Anne had seen him crossing the fields between the Cuthbert and Blythe-Lacroix farms from the window, and knew without asking that his talk with Winifred had gone longer and worse than he expected. But the moment he laid his eyes on her, his shoulders lifted and he sped up even more.

They walked along the banks of the creek, watching dragonflies fly from one stepping stone to another and speaking the way new lover’s do - the whole world new at their feet.

Later, when the sun shone directly above their heads, they settled underneath a crowned sycamore tree slowly venturing closer and closer to each other. Gilbert drew shapes onto the back of her hand as she spoke about her recent discoveries.

“-and apparently Diana knew the whole time, or at least she suspected, but as soon as she said it, I realized how foolish I’d been. It’s funny how one minute your entire life is veiled, and the next, all the colors are brand new.” She paused, catching Gilbert’s heavy gaze. “What is it?”

Gilbert said nothing. He only crossed into her space until they shared the same air, and waited for permission. Anne sucked in a sharp breath, her fingers finding his jaw and gently running over the dimples of his smile. Then, as reverent as a prayer, she closed the distance and kissed him. Gilbert dissolved under her touch, reaching for her waist and pressing her closer to him.

When they pulled apart, Anne could still taste the apple sweetness of him on her lips and couldn’t stop herself from placing honeydrop kisses along his cheek. She felt his hand travel down her back and shivered.

“This is different,” she admitted as Gilbert’s head fell against hers.

“Good different?”

Anne grinned and kissed him again. When she placed her hand on his chest, she realized in the vaguest awareness of her mind there was a thin piece of paper all folded up above his heart. She pressed herself up close to him and hoped that maybe he’d feel hers in the same place.

#anne of green gables #anne with an e #shirbert #shirbert fic #anne and gilbert #tessa writes #on todays episode of: tessa is on her poetic bullshit

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