#(( idk if anyone wants to reply but i had feelings ))
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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why am i incapable of having internet friends. why is it easier to make irl friends
#i’m constantly feeling like no one likes me#so i never message people and i never reply to posts#bc no one Actually wants to hear from me bc it would be weird#like no amber that’s not your friend that’s an acquaintance#and i will never pass that level with anyone#i feel so unseen and unloveable and unwanted and it makes me feel like high school#and i guess i know the answer is stop being chicken shit and message people i wanna be friends with#but it’s been so long since ive had Friends that idek how to interact#and idk what to say#UGH
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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gyus i think im a ltite wacky ☝️🤓
#hai i had a dreeam so im jaust gonna scream and then go back fo aleep cause its only 7am. too earlyz#idk if we will Ever feel perfectly comfortable in friendships cause no matter what theres always something missing#like w our favs its a near perfect puzzle but theres just. some piece missing and instead of focusing on the rest of the shit we actually#have we just worry ab them going to find that missing piece somewhere else cause like thatd make sense. duh they want a sense of fulfillmen#in their friendships which we cant give them#like duh theyre gonna go and search for it in other ppl and we will have to slowly watch them drift without being able to say anything#without sounding controlling or too insecure which will push them away more like yah duh#anyway i love puzzles logic games r our favs fhey r just better#vent#teehee hashtag mv#post#mae mention#im going back to sleellppp#i also.dont wanna reply ti anyones messages but whatverrrr love my friends i gee#yikers hashtag lame tumblrina
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This is my updated version of my TADC OC. I didn’t check my color palette beforehand. - submitted by @nostalgic-woodwind
Love them!!! You did really great on this OC! Ngl really inspiring me to make my own! 💜 ^w^
#submission#the amazing digital circus#tadc oc#tadc fanart#OOOOH I love this even more!#purple is my favorite color!! ahhhh gothy zebra I love themb#I actually had an OC idea as like a catgirl doll or something kinda#maybe I'll be a slinky or furby or something idk yet but ahhh 💜💜💜#feel free to send in ideas & OCs more if you want 💜 I have actually had someone send me another OC I gotta look at too :3#thank you for the submission feel free to info dump about your Oc I'm sorry if I forget to reply to anyone or read stuff btw in advance#limited spoons sometimes too yknow but I'm down to listen 💜#tadc#nostalgic-woodwind#art
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Why didn't you draw Babs with the Batfamily . You stupid bitch . Don't treat Babs that way. She's the queen and far more popular than any of the batfamily members!
wow! your question is valid but your tone is rude and i dont appreciate it. dont tell me how to treat fictional characters when you dont even treat your fan creators nicely.
babs isnt in the photo because she's setting up as oracle; in the caption i mention she sent up a drone to take the photo. babs is great and i love her but there are 11 people in the original photo and i based this in the wfa 'verse where there are also 11 gotham capes (that ive seen so far) on the streets that have babs at the helm, in the clocktower, being oracle. as a result of this train of thought, i unfortunately ended up not picturing her. it isnt bc of any specific babs hate on my part.
#anon hate#tw anon hate#cw anon hate#rei replies#in hindsight maybe the decision was subconsciously ableist but my train of thought was really 'she's in the clocktower'#sorry if it came off that way#i also had a version that tim wasnt in 'cuz i was gonna rationalize him having taken the photo before i realized babs would be oracle-ing#but ye i was just thinking 'all the masks and capes ive seen so far from wfa'#and there was conveniently the same number as there are construction workers in the photo this is based on#again sorry if her exclusion ended up looking ableist. i welcome feedback from anyone who isnt this anon to lmk &/or start a discussion.#the original sketch also had bruce going 'oracle?' so mb i shouldve kept it? idk.#upon further thinking i feel like excluding babs being ableist is like excluding alfie being ageist#theyre both important members of the batfamily that are behind the scenes so#i suppose id add them both. and i have an idea for how i can but now i. i dont want to.#bc now itll feel like im listening to someone who called me a stupid bitch 🤦🏻♀️ damn#again tho still open for discussion
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trans wolfwood is the only wolfwood. To Me.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#tagging bc itnl wolfwood is trans. It Says It On The Tin!!!!#ive pretty much decided against having any sort of smut in the main story. idk not quite my style#MAYBE will do some side one shots or smth. depending. i gotta see how i feel about it#observant ppl mightve noticed me removing the 'rating may change' tag recently bc i have come to my decision. that it wont.#i will most certainly allude to things when they happen but any outright depictions will be delegated to a separate location#for no real reason aside from the fact that it'd feel a lil weird to include in the main story. that's all.#THAT BEING SAID... i need to make sure it's clear that theyre both trans in this#maybe they wont b fuckin n suckin in the main fic but BY GOD i cant have anyone forgetting that theyre both trans#i'll find a way. first things first wolfwood needs to show UP.#and in order to do that i have to actually Write lsjdfldskjf#i was on such a roll with the next chapter. then for Obvious Reasons i have not really had a brain for writing#gonna try to resume tho. soon.#AND i need to reply to comments already. i want my commenters to feel seen and appreciated... life has just been... hard...#anyways t4t vashwood 5ever. that is the truth that i shall spread in my works.
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.
#was feeling stressed and melancholy all day and i just... i really need to learn how to cope with that#i feel so self-absorbed and idk i was upset and teary eyed when taking the train early for dinner with my friends#and then i sit down and my friend says oh oops sorry can't tonight and idk. i was counting on that to sit down and talk for a bit and#this makes me sound awful but i kind of. exploded and texted back very shortly and angrily#and apparently. gave our other friend a panic attack so#and then they told me over text and i did nooot know how to react irl and psychically bc whew self-loathing#which felt so toxic and gross??? and again self absorbed???#and i did reply over text and i apologised and did my best but god.#idk it's like... i think that petulant angry kid is who i am deep down and lord knows i shouldn't post this but#i need some perspective and i feel so manipulative in this too#idk idk. and i was also just wondering if anyone else gets like this like idk this blur in front of your eyes and you just#lose all reasonable thought#and i just think. im selfish as fuck at my core and im scared i don't actually want to change that and i will. try to talk about#it in therapy but that's a while away#anyways. that's also me and yeah.#sorry and also it's my parents' wedding anniversary and all i could think about was feeling mweh and not being able to do#what i was planning to do and i had this assignment blabla and these plans etc#like god??????? god#im calmer now (obviously) but yeah#and now work again tomorrow and im so fucking sick of it the mood is awful and it's busy and bleh
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🏹
#i hope no one reads this bc my avpd is crazy rn and i cant be affectionate#BUT...#i know there are some good ppl in the world#many ppl on tumblr (and twitter) has been very kind to me#i know not everyone are bad ppl#im just stuck in this bpd mood where only ONE thing is true#and i constantly feel so hurt and trampled on and disrespected#and i feel like i cannot trust anyone#so my brain hones in on that i feel unsafe w everyone#but okkkk listen i know i know some ppl are very nice to me#and i appreciate that more than i can ever have words for#so.. like yeah i've gotten some asks but i cant reply bc i cant be social directly#but no i dont hate everyone on here or think every single person is awful#like when ppl are nice to me no i dont think theyre horrible#but with my trauma brain... and my past experiences#i get very sensitive sometimes and i feel like everyobe are lying to me and making fun of me#and everyone is in on a joke abt me that im unaware of#and i feel like if i lay myself bare i'll only be taken advantage of and humiliated#i just feel right now very weak and like all my skin's off#and im walking around like a huge wound and if someone even breathes on me it hurts so much#so im sorry for being mean and saying so many rude things rn im just kinda falling apart#but i still have capacity to recognize that ppl are nice to me on here ok i just dont know what ro#what to do with it*** bc im not used to that#im used to ppl bullying me or being mean and i hate that but i just cry and hurt myself and i know what to do#when someone's nice to me i feel like the world is upside down and the sky is like green and the water is red i dont get it#anyway.. yeah i hope no one reads this and when i ramble and write a lot the chance of less ppl reading gets higher#anyway... i just wanted to write this and get it out into the universe#bc i sometimes do things to isolate myself even further bc i've never had community or support or comfort or friendships so lowkey i dont#even want to nurture things that can lead to that bc idk what to do with that. how to not fuck it up.#anyway... idk what im saying or thinking even
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i need to stop giving people my instagram i think like it’s not conducive to appearing in people’s lives and then disappearing i think i should start a number/email/letterboxd only policy because i am in such a good place to meet people and then just disappear and that’s all i need from life rn and instagram is hindering me massively in that i’m literally going to start doing this
#the best interactions with people i ahve had since moving have been people who i have spoken to completely openly to and then we have never#spoken again#this is not true i get to see vicky and that’s lovely and i also have made another friend so that’s been good#but generally like idk i just dont want to be tethered to anything i dont really want#i am always going to be tethered to my family and for so long i was tethered to ballet#i just dont want it anymore i want all my moving to be my choice not my parents#the longest i have ever lived in one house is 4.5 years#how could i possibly be expected to stay in one place after all that#i just feel this incredible barrier between me and anyone except like 2 people#i cant connect to anyone and insteadof being upset about it i just feel crazy#i’m not sad or put out over it it is just how it is for me sometimes#and i do need to reply to the people i care about but at the same time it’s like what’s the point#what’s the poitn when i just feel so disconnected fundamentally from nearly everyone i have ever known#and the thing is i do want to flit in and out of peoples lives it’s not even like i want to change this#i had a beautiful conversation with this man the first week i was in uni and he was incredible to speak to and i hope i offered him some of#that too and neither of us made any move to exchange any contact details or even our names#and THATS what i want that’s what i want from my life rn#which is maybe bad for me but i think it’s all i have in me rn#which is not true really i’m not going to stop talking to my friends and im not going to not make friends probably#but it’s such a gorgeous idea and i AM good at it i am good at talking to people once and then never again#i can do that
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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for
#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help#so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track#n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all#i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone#but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement#i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past#i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired#i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them#bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant#my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip#especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all#but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me#but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn#but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap#posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public#i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this#n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway#n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me#i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point#idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway#like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff#these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help#i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help#love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao#anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.
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hhhhhhhh i just need to kinda rant or vent ignore this
#uhhhh i just feel sorta annoying to my friends rn or one of them at least#shes in away on spring break rn but i keep texting her when i wanna talk abt smth from my life or whatever#like im generally very relient and used to telling some ppl a lot abt myself and whats happenjng and what im up to and i think sometimes im#being too extra abt it and its probably not very healthy and also i dont really like that said friend much... but we got closer recently#before i found out things abt her that kinda make me wanna distance myself from her but i dont really have anyone else to talk to#like i just constantly or quite often feel the need or urge to share stuff abt my daily life... but should i actually do that#that puts me in a weird position#i feel like that friend has been colder in her replies lately#and theres this one thing that i want to talk abt with someone and get some idk emotional support and encouragement...#but im not sure if im too annoying#and if im being tmi all the time#im so weird i have almost zero social experience and understanding of cues i had no irl friends for a very long time and i was so so#isated and now i have a few friends but somtimes its not enough .... and i feel so weird idk#im probably overthinking#idk#evgesha's thoughts
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I was looking at a slideshow and it just hit me that nobody ever said to me that they don’t actually want me to kms and that it genuinely felt that they meant it except one person very recently
#dora daily#what she said after I was like ‘insert complaint here ig I’ll just kms’#then she replied and then I replied saying haha I’ll hold off on it then 😼👍 or smth like that#oh the thing she said here is if you do it I’ll do it too 😭#and then she said you don’t really mean it do you ? I’ll actually cry and peer pressure you etc etc#idk why but that just hit me as the most meaningful thing anyone’s ever said to me in that regard#bc it’s so easy to say empty words bc suicide is a moral dilemma that people have and they don’t seem to truly care or at least care for me#enough to not want me to#their scripts in the very rare chance they do say something seem surface level; rehearsed and pre prepared with no knowing of how it’s like#or how it can get or whatnot#and in truth they make it worse when I actively insist on how utterly lonely I feel to the point I’ve resorted to what I ought to just to#feel SOMETHING and that I am so very certain they know their apathy is only actively contributing to why I deserve to be dead but yet#I am not important enough to be asked to stay 🤷♀️ that’s fine I suppose like#nothing entirely new to me#but it’s strange I thought people had to have a moral compass#seems that that moral compass like all things applies to all BUT me#and before anyone opens their mouth no I base this finding on genuine research and experimentation I’ve had done to gage everyone’s response#and how they truly feel through actions not that they can give me any words of comfort to begin with lol#huh
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🦴..
#he thought i was too emotionally fragile to listen to him :((( so he didnt come to me with his struggles#even if he wanted and needed to#which makes me so upset too bc like#i CAN hear it. i WANT to hear it i want to be there for him!!!!#but me and my fkn whining made him feel like he had to be careful with my emotions and not burden me#im just so.... i regret it all so much#so this is a big part of why i need to try to separate that blog i have sentimental attachment to and actually successfully have a#blog specifically for venting... bc i cant risk this ever happening again#i mean atm i dont ever wanna talk to anyone again bc everyone hates me and i will only hurt everyone and everyone are mean lol#so yeah.... but to think i couldve avoided all this and he wouldnt have pulled away from me if i hadnt run my dumb fkn mouth on that blog..#i regret i so much my body hurts i wanna throw up and cry and rip my hair out how tf did i let that happen#but also another reason is that... i really dont know why but last year i got more active followers and too many ppl see my blog :///#which means more assholes who are mean and rude to me#so everytime i vent im hyperaware and anxious abt ppl judging me silently#or sending rude anons and i dont feel comfortable anymore#also... there is one guy... who .. idk why but he has this weird... attachment to me#and he gets mad that i dont want him and calls me stupid for pining over someone who doesnt want me#(actually the entire problem is that the loml did want me but i fucked it up)#and he sends mean anons and want me to talk to him everyday even if he doesnt even reply to what i say when i message him and idk#i feel uncomfortable bc he looks at my blog and judges me and is mean and i hate it :/#i wish i had done this earlier..#which ive actually tried several times but i always end up fkn whining my head off on my main anyway#idk why. but i have to find a way to stop bc i just dont want this to be a source of unease for me anymore#ill always hate myself for letting it fuck it up with him tho bc i cant imagine ever loving anyone this much.... fuck i hate myself i really#i really hate myself... and already now when im like yeah imma stop#ive already made several whiny too vulnerable vent posts on that blog like can i stop??? whats wrong with me ohmyfkngod
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what they don’t tell you about instagram is that you’ll have 50 DMs to reply to, and after weeks of anxiously avoiding them you finally look and read and reply to everyone - and then people just start replying to you. AGAIN. immediately, even. and then you have 50 unread DMs again. so you anxiously avoid looking at them for weeks/months and then you finally bite the bullet and reply to people again…and they answer you within 5 minutes. again. and you just perpetually have 50 unread messages on instagram. and then at some point, you die.
#no but like how does everyone reply instantaneously like#WE ARE SO ONLINE…it’s so bad. i WANT you to leave me on read for months. years even. NEED you too do that actually#akwndkdoskdmfodo#this is the same way i feel about texting#in my head - discord is the only place where you are allowed to message me 24/7 - and where i allow myself to respond#idk it’s a mental thing for sure but it functions like AIM to me?#looking at my text messages stresses me the fuck out so even if the same people were texting me instead of messaging me on discord#i’d probably get overwhelmed bc of all the other texts i’m not replying to#and then just become paralyzed and not text anyone back ever lmfao#I NEED TO BE UNREACHABLE#actually can i like. turn off my instagram DMs like. is that a thing i can do?#i was also thinking about changing my phone number but i’ve had this number since i was like 15?#and it would just be such a hassle with 2FA and everything#but god. I NEED FEWER PEOPLE to know me#😭#anyway all this to say - instagram DMs terrify me - i went through them like three months ago#and had left some people on read for over a year lol it’s fine. it’s fine. instagram is not real#just call me 😭😭😭😭 JUST CALL ME 😭
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