#((god i am Not proud of this but oh well))

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a merry Between Week to everyone! rest well!

extra layers:

[swallowtail-ageha]

[slityclayloam]

Sometimes I like looking up dyspraxia on google or tumblr as it makes me feel better seeing others like me, but like everytime I am violently reminded just how much it seeps into my everyday life.

Like I have decent movement, I can't remember the last time I fell over and I rarely bump into things. I can now wear turtle neck jumpers without feeling like I'm being strangled. I can type fast on my laptop and rarely have to look at the keys. I can drive, parallel park and reverse park. I can even now catch stuff thrown at me like 9/10 times! All of this is because I've been working on those skills for 19 years, both by myself and through speech and physiotherapy between the ages of 5 and 9.

But then I still have major issues organising my life, I have problems going to appointments and responding to emails. My main emotion everyday is to feel unemotional and when I do feel a real, strong emotion I have a hard time showing it, often apperaing neutral or like I don't care. I still don't fully get some social concepts. My memory can be really dodgy. My handwriting is quick and spidery as it hurts my hand to write slowly and neatly and I can't use anything but cheap gel pens as anything else will smudge. I still drop food on myself or the table daily. I'm still nervous carrying mugs of tea or coffee around, in fact I actually refuse point blank to carry trays of food in cafes, as I worry so much about dropping them and I find the weight and instability difficult to handle. I get tired easily and find it hard to stand in the kitchen and cook for more than half an hour before I just end up in pain, I can't use can openers and I have a hard time chopping food. I really like doing craft stuff with my hands but I find it so hard to continue with that craft stuff as it always comes out looking horrible and I just don't have the patience to continue.

It is hard living in a constant uphill battle, with everyone around you getting on with their lives and being so "hyper" organised. But I've managed to grow so much over the years and I hope that one day soon I can move some more of the things on my "I can't do or struggle to do right now" list, and move them into my "success" or "I can just in my own way" list.

[odetolovers]

feel like i need to give a formal apology to the person who told a drama blog they wished my ex and i would break up because i called out [redacted] and left the [redacted] community. i was so mad at them but actually they had the right idea 🫶 hope you’ve got out of the [redacted] cult after the latest news babygirl!

[andsomedaykindness]

ok i should be transparent about elitober. (not that anyone really cares) (i don't mean that to be mean to myself but sincerely i think bee is the only person who follows both my tumblr and elitober) (hi bee)

my lu hyperfixation is fading a little bit and also it's finals season...so i am Struggling to write. so. it's not gonna get done by the end of the year probably. but i really am planning to get it done eventually...hopefully by the end of the winter...oh my god i'm so bad at this

[zenithpng]

..

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[boxwinebaddie]

same nervous anon from earlier anddd i graduated!! idk why i was scared i was totally fine lmaosl im the queen of overreacting. anyways im officially a graduate and i got SUMMA CUM LAUDE HELL YEAH

hello, baby!!!!! first of all, i just want to say...

cONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, MY LOVE!!!!!

graduating is no easy feat, seriously. i am so fucking proud of you, i was so excited to finally have enough time to answer this because i am so happy that my face hurts from SMILING SO BIG!!!! :DDD

you did the damn thing!!! like i know that at points it was really hard, but you powered through it and i am so excited for you to start this new chapter of your life and see what life has in store for you. <3

i am glad your culmination went smoothly because hooooly fuck, chaperoning the culmination from my school was HELL ON EARTH, hoooooly shit. parents are so entitled and so mean to me like yeah, okay maam, i'm sorry that you are sitting in the fourth row and you wanted to sit in the front row, SO DID EVERY OTHER FUCKING FAMILY HERE TOLD, like i don't care how much you donate to the school???? i didn't make the damn seating chart, yell at the WALL!

it was...oh my god. i still get flashbacks, bro.

but AGAIN I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

and congratulations to all my friends in school or not, whatever you are doing, and however well or not well you think you are doing, know you are very loved and i am very, very proud of you.

sorry, i haven't been around...again, if you were dying during finals week, so am i because i am GIVING THOSE FINALS when teachers decide to rage quit and take their vacations early like??? thanks so much, legend! it's not like i...you know...have never ran your class before and i have to comfort nervous students WHO AREN'T MINE?

but yes, mwah mwah mWAH! i love you guys, i posted a very lame ask meme finally after 73093740934 years and i'm sorry, but because i am so busy i may go dark randomly and come back. the posting is slow goings and i am worried about how stressful working summer camp will be ( though, i am stoked for the structure ) but if you're on the struggle bus, its the hello kitty bus and i'm driving.

which unfortunately is not great news...

because i can't drive.

anyways! cheers! mazel! <3333

-uncle nina, grinning ear to ear

[undermostcorgi]

the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)

[vogelmeister]

anyways i saw a video of non dutch people pronouncing dutch names and im proud to announce that two of my characters and one of my coworker's names are there

[bangcakes]

.

[too-much-imagination]

I did it. I told her. Literally one minute ago. I told her I miss her and I’m going insane because of it.

I fucking did it.

I can’t believe it.

[starbuck]

as someone who is prone to having capital F Freak-outs over life things not happening fast enough or the way i want them to, the ability to learn has really kept me in check. i had been in a HORRENDOUS mood all morning, but i got home, had a proper meal, sent a couple emails i was procrastinating on, did some language learning, started reading a new book, and messed around on the guitar for a bit and now i’m completely calm.

[gentil-minou]

I have a lot of anxiety about going to the movies alone but I also really wanted to see this movie and I'm still so mad I JUST missed Broker by a couple days so I was like okay exposure exercise I'm gonna see Hidden Blade because even if I don't know whether or not ill like it I didn't want to regret missing another limited release and omg I'm so happy I went it was so good and the anxiety was forgotten ahhhhh I'm really proud of myself

[lorebird]

A series of seasonal deities I made over the past couple weeks for a school event!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...