#(btw this was 99% done for days but it took me so long to get the beginning right that i kept it back and im glad i did bc i like it now)

[partystoragechest]

A story of romance, drama, and politics which neither Trevelyan nor Cullen wish to be in.

Canon divergent fic in which Josephine solves the matter of post-Wicked Hearts attention by inviting invites four noblewomen to compete for Cullen's affections. In this chapter, read the first line.

(Masterpost. Beginning. Previous entry. Next entry. Words: 3,380. Rating: all audiences. Warnings: fighting and blood mentions.)

Chapter 39: Duel Purpose

“The Commander is going to duel Lady Orroat!”

Trevelyan almost spat out her tea.

Lady Samient had burst through the door of the Baroness’ chamber, disrupting the quiet morning conversation being had within. Both women whirled on her, but—before they could query what she had said—Samient was already gone.

Trevelyan locked eyes with the Baroness, their faces equal in confusion. With nary a word spoken between them, they threw down their tea, and gave chase.

They pursued the sound of Lady Samient’s vanishing footsteps along the corridor, and down the stairs—tumbling out into the Great Hall, where they at last managed to catch her.

“What is going on?” asked Trevelyan, to no answer. Samient hurried them out of the door instead, to the courtyard beyond.

Emerging into the glare of the sun, they caught sight of a crowd below, forming around the training ring. Soldiers, servants, visiting nobles: most of Skyhold had turned out for the event. Word, as always, had spread rather quickly.

Yet, within the ring, Trevelyan saw only two individuals of note: a battle-ready Lady Orroat, plated in iridescent obsidian, preparing to fight—and a flailing Lady Erridge, who tugged fruitlessly at her arm.

“Really, Lady Orroat, it is quite all right!” she pleaded, as the Ladies neared. “I suffered no injury from the Commander’s rejection, I assure you!”

Lady Orroat fastened her pauldrons.

“I am completely fine—I swear!” continued Erridge, to seemingly little effect. “I don’t mind at all! This is surely unnecessary!”

Lady Orroat turned. She hooked a finger beneath Lady Erridge’s chin, and tilted her face towards her own. Soft morning light trickled around them, motes of dust dancing through the air. The crowd almost melted away; time appeared to slow. Just their silhouette, in the shape of two lovers.

Gentle as her touch, Lady Orroat spoke:

“My dearest Tam, though you may bear the insult, I cannot. No man shall walk this plane and feel entitled to so callously discard your treasured affection.” Her thumb traced the curve of Erridge’s jaw. “Please, my Lady. Allow me this.”

Trevelyan’s mouth fell open. Lady Samient gripped her arm. The Baroness fanned herself. All those romances Lady Erridge had read, and somehow, she had failed to realise that she was, apparently, living in one.

Naturally quite helpless to do anything but gaze back at Lady Orroat, her eyes—wide and innocent as a doe’s—fluttering rapidly, Lady Erridge assented:

“Oh, well—um, don’t hurt him too much, I suppose?”

Lady Orroat took a step back, and bowed low. “Anything for you, my Lady.”

She strode away, to meet her foe. Lady Erridge listlessly waved her off, before stumbling over to where the Ladies had gathered. She was a mess of giggles and squeaks, unable to say anything that was not in relation to her dear Lady Orroat.

The Baroness took to helping her regain her faculties; Trevelyan and Samient shared a smile at the display. Certain that Erridge would recover from her stupor, they were able to return their attention to the ring.

Lady Orroat—sword drawn—had taken position at its centre, and performed spectacular practice swings, to the adoration of the crowd. Yet, while all eyes were on her, Trevelyan’s drifted, to the other side of the arena—in search, perhaps, of the Lady’s opponent.

Her breath caught.

There he stood. Soldiers flanked his sides, aiding him to prepare. Armour was placed upon his body; leather straps were pulled taut by his iron grip. He tested his breastplate with a beat to the chest; it clanged against the metal of his gauntlet.

His mantle was brought, and draped over his back, amplifying the broadness of his shoulders. His helm was presented—a lion’s roar, frozen in steel—and lowered upon his head, his fearsome glare framed within its maw. His sword was last, offered in its belt and sheath. He strapped it around his hips, good and tight. His fingers curled around the blade’s hilt.

The sword was drawn; he needed no practice. He was the Commander of the Inquisition—and Maker, did he look it, in the entirety of his regalia. Intimidating, unwavering, he stalked towards his opponent.

“Hey.”

Trevelyan startled, quite unaware how how enraptured she had been by the display. She glanced about for the source of the voice, and found Varric beside her, holding up a pouch of coin.

“I’m taking wagers on who’s gonna win. Want in?” he asked.

Lady Samient, whom Trevelyan had definitely not forgotten was beside her, took an interest. “What are the odds?”

“Winning side splits the pot.”

The Baroness tossed a coin to him, which he caught with ease. “One crown on Lady Orroat.”

Lady Erridge applauded. “Oh, good choice!”

Varric noted it down, and moved on to the next group of punters. Trevelyan watched him go, then returned her gaze to the arena. A Captain addressed the combatants; both nodded in agreement. Satisfied, the Captain withdrew, and raised an arm.

Hush fell over the crowd. Anticipation slowed the air around them. A breath spilled from Trevelyan’s lips. The Captain’s arm dropped.

They charged. Swords clashed.

It was the Commander who dominated first. His muscular build and experienced arm were a force to be reckoned with. He struck out with a barrage of blows, each one ferocious as the last. Each one as confident. Each one as precise. He commanded the battlefield, as was his right.

Yet Lady Orroat showed no signs of yielding. She was a fleet-footed fighter, taking each hit and turning it into momentum. Dodges and blocks; no counters. It seemed she was not interested in fighting back—not yet. She was biding her time. She was waiting for something.

Whatever opening this was, the Commander would not give it. He stepped back only to return, with even greater force. Trevelyan admired the arc of his sword through the air, its flash in the sunlight, as he thrust hard toward her abdomen.

Lady Orroat deflected it away. The crowd gasped. The Commander was open.

She delivered a swift slice to his arm, before it could straighten. The Commander’s grip weakened. She moved in, butted her pommel direct into his helm. The Commander stumbled back. A mighty kick to his chest, and he was thrown to the ground.

The crowd roared, the Ladies cheered. The Baroness was going to get that crown back.

Lady Orroat strode to where the Commander lay. Before he could recover, she knocked his helm away, with the tip of her blade—and then held it to his throat.

“Yield.”

The crowd waited, for the reply.

The Commander let his sword fall from his grasp. “I yield.”

The Captain’s arm went up, on Orroat’s side. The crowd began to holler and cheer. Soldiers, trained hard in this same ring, applauded the satisfaction of seeing their Commander humiliated.

Lady Erridge burst out from the masses, running to Lady Orroat’s arms. The Lady dropped her sword, and embraced Erridge entirely, twirling her through the air.

Over the noise of the crowd, one could barely hear what was said between them in that moment. But as their dance ended, and Orroat set Erridge down, she sank onto one knee—and the crowd fell silent once more.

“Lady Tam Erridge, of West Coldon,” said Lady Orroat, loud enough for all to hear. “My dearest friend. My most ardent love. I have been enamoured with you since the day we met; in the years I have known you, my love for you has only grown. I have always cherished our friendship, but I wish to cherish you, as well. Please, I beg—will you marry me?”

The pause afterward felt as though a lifetime. Though no one suffered it as much as Orroat, the Ladies held their breath. They looked to Erridge—as did the entire crowd—and waited.

Erridge, fixed in place, blinked. “Oh, Lady Orroat,” she gasped, “well—of course! I could not think of anything more wonderful in all my life!”

Lady Orroat shot to her feet, and collided with Erridge. The Ladies screamed, joyous and in sheer disbelief. The crowds applauded. At long last, a kiss that had waited for years to exist, finally came to be.

The Ladies rushed the arena, and many more followed. They met and embraced both Erridge and Orroat, smiling, laughing, squealing in delight. The world became nothing but noise and happiness. Congratulations were given, and received with joy. Invitations to a wedding, promised and assured.

Never had Trevelyan seen such mirth, and such festivity. Though very few of Skyhold knew the significance of the event, they celebrated nonetheless. The happiness of others was enough motivation.

And yet, in the crowd, Trevelyan found one face to be missing. As her friends continued their revelry, she continued to sweep their surroundings. Somewhere, in this maelstrom of merriment, surely—

“Your winnings!” came Varric’s voice, not quite the one she’d been looking for. He passed a handful of coins to the Baroness, who tucked them discreetly into a pocket, and told some joke about starting a fund for her wedding attire.

Yet before he moved on, to pass out his next prize, he stopped—for but a moment—beside Trevelyan.

“Armoury,” he said.

Trevelyan looked out, over the heads that surrounded her. The vaguest shape of red wool and silver plate disappeared into the building nearby.

“Thank you,” she said to Varric—but he had already gone. She made her excuses to her friends, instead, and began to find her way through the crowds.

It was difficult, to move against the flow of excitement—but soon enough, she found herself at the edges of the hubbub. The armoury door lingered open, just a crack, in the distance. She hurried over.

Peeking just her head through, Trevelyan took in the space. She’d not been here often. It acted as a second smithy, with forges and furnaces along the back wall, swathing the room in their warmth and light.

Yet, unlike the smithy of the Undercroft, soldiers would frequent this place. Armour and weaponry lined the racks, ready for use in training. A long bench, where they would prepare for exactly this, waited below.

Today, however, it boasted only one occupant.

The Commander had collapsed upon the bench, wrenching the plate from his body. Each piece clattered to the floor as soon as the straps came free. With all outside celebrating, there was no one to attend him.

And so he continued the task himself, stripping his mantle and laying it over his lap. Arms free, he tugged at his gorget until it came loose; removed it and the breastplate beneath. Just a gambeson, now, and his helm.

He discarded the latter first, his face at last revealed—exhausted, and panting.

Sweat-streaked skin glistened in the glow of the fires. But not mere sweat alone. Trevelyan gasped. Blood. There was blood.

The Commander must have felt it, for he raised his hand to his upper lip, and pulled it away, red. Bloody nose. That strike to the face.

He sighed, and, like the weight of the world was holding him down, leant back against the wall—

“Forward, Commander!” blurted Trevelyan, before she’d even thought of what to say next. “You... need to tilt your head forward.”

His eyes widened at seeing her there, but he followed the instruction regardless. “Thank you.”

Trevelyan watched him a moment, then glanced back to the door. She stepped for it—but, out of the corner of her eye, saw a drop of crimson splash against the floor.

She could not leave him like this.

She let the door shut, and turned back. A hand dipped into her pocket. From within, she produced a small cloth.

“Commander,” she said, creeping closer, “use this.”

Head still forward, the Commander’s hand clumsily found hers. Their fingers overlapped for the briefest of moments—before he took hold of the cloth, and fled with it.

Yet he hesitated, in bringing it to his face. “This is from the banquet,” he muttered.

Surprising that he’d somehow remembered. But he was right. It was the napkin he’d given to her that night, to dry her tears.

“I had it cleaned,” said Trevelyan.

He held it back out. “I... can’t use this.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to stain it.”

Trevelyan sighed. “Commander, you’re bleeding. Please.”

His hand withdrew, and he pressed the napkin to his nose. Trevelyan took a little step back, and watched him. Her hands twisted around each other, unsure of what to do with themselves.

“Commander?” she whispered.

He started to raise his head.

“No, no—keep it forward,” Trevelyan instructed. “Please.”

This order came not only for the benefit of his bloodied nose. She wished his gaze to be upon the floor, instead of her. She could not have him look at her, when she said what she said next. And thank the Maker, he did as asked.

“I’m... so sorry, Commander, for my behaviour, last we spoke,” she murmured, breathing through the words so as not to let them falter. “My response to your situation was entirely unsympathetic, and undeservedly harsh. My temperament at the time was not balanced, and it is you who bore the brunt of that. I am sorry, truly, I am.”

He was quiet for a moment. A terrifying, excruciating moment. Until, that is, he said:

“You needn’t apologise to me.”

Trevelyan blinked. “What?”

“Nothing of what you said to me that day was incorrect or undeserved,” the Commander told her, voice firm. “You had every right to despise me. I treated you all disgracefully.”

He lifted his head, if only for a second, to look at her—despite the pain it seemed to bring.

“It was not your fault, but mine. There is nothing for you to apologise for. I am sorry. For everything I did.”

She waited until his head dipped back down, and moved a little closer. “But even if I were upset, even if I were right, I needn’t have been so wicked in how I addressed you.”

“No. I deserved to know the consequences of my actions, in as clear and difficult terms as possible. I was cruel, and ignorant. I needed to understand the hurt I had caused. Especially to you. And... I am sorry that I did, cause it.”

Trevelyan sank to her knees before him. Gently, she took the napkin from his grasp, and examined his nose.

“The bleeding’s stopped,” she told him.

Unable to meet her eye, he nodded, head still bowed.

“I understand why you did it,” she muttered. “Lady Montilyet explained to me, what the court of Orlais has put you through. Were I faced with the same, I cannot imagine I would have acted differently.”

The Commander’s head shook. “You would. You would never have done what I did to all of you.”

“Oh, come, Commander. You’ve seen my less savoury side, now.” She folded the napkin, so that she made a clean little square. “You should have heard the things I called you the first night we met.”

“Deserved, I’m sure.”

“Stop punishing yourself, Commander.” Trevelyan raised the napkin to his face. “May I?”

He nodded. She placed her fingertips beneath his chin, and tilted his head. The cloth was dabbed upon a small cut, lancing across his cheek.

“Besides,” she said, “I hear you’ve had punishment enough.”

The mere mention was enough to eke a little smirk from his mouth.

“Yes, the Ladies made quite sure of that,” he murmured. “I... ought to have listened to you, and Lady Montilyet. They are good women.”

“Impressive, even?” she suggested.

“Yes.”

Trevelyan smiled. She turned his head, and brushed dirt from his other cheek.

“Their ‘punishments’ were more endearing than I believe was intended,” the Commander confessed. “I quite enjoyed their company.”

“Finally.” Trevelyan withdrew her hand, let him face forward once more. “I told you.”

“You did. Though… I was right about one thing.”

“What is that?”

He smiled, eyes askance. “I still much prefer yours.”

“Oh.”

Trevelyan stared at him. No longer seeking his skin for wounds, she took in his face, closer now than it had ever been. Every prick of stubble was in perfect focus. The exact curve of the scar that marred his lip. Each lash that framed his honey eyes.

She caught their gaze.

“Um…”

“Commander!” came a shout, from just outside the door. As it burst open, Trevelyan scrambled away, to her feet, and hid the napkin in her pocket.

Lady Orroat—half-out of her own armour, as well—strode in, with Lady Erridge hanging upon her arm.

“Oh!” gasped Erridge, eyes wide at seeing Trevelyan. “Lady Trevelyan is here. Um, dearest Hul, perhaps we should leave them, for a moment—”

Lady Orroat, apparently as oblivious in nature as her fiance, continued marching in.

“But we must make certain the Commander is all right,” she begged, heading for where he sat. She winced, upon seeing his face. “Oh, Maker—I am so sorry, Commander.”

“It’s fine,” he said—though Trevelyan could not help but note a tone of confusion in his voice. He mouthed, to Lady Orroat: “Does she know?”

‘She’ referring here to Lady Erridge—who promptly began to giggle.

“I’m afraid I do!” she confessed. “My dear Lady confessed all to me after the duel had ended—though I had suspected it might be a ruse. Dear Hul would never truly be so insistent upon fighting if I objected so!” She took Orroat’s hand, and squeezed it tight. “Oh, it was so terribly romantic. Thank you, Commander. I am ever so sorry that it got you hurt.”

He waved it off. “Perhaps that makes us even.”

Erridge nodded. “I believe it does.” She glanced between Trevelyan and the Commander once more, and tugged at Orroat’s hand. “Come, my love, we’d best be off.”

Orroat finally allowed herself to be led away—but as they left, called out:

“There’s been some kind of impromptu party arranged at the tavern nearby! Do come along!”

“No, no,” said Erridge, hurrying Orroat out of the door, “stay here as long as you like!”

The door swung shut, and silence fell again. Trevelyan looked to the Commander. He had begun to occupy himself with the removal of armour once more, now busy loosening his greaves.

“Is that why you invited Lady Orroat here?” she asked.

He glanced up. “Hm?”

“You conspired with Lady Orroat to stage a duel?”

The Commander released the straps, and straightened up. “Not originally. I invited her because I realised Lady Erridge cared for her. I thought it might be a start, at making amends. I spoke to her privately after she arrived. She told me of how she and Lady Erridge had met—through a duel, between a boy and Lady Orroat.”

Trevelyan nodded. “Lady Erridge told me the same story.”

“I suggested we recreate the circumstances, to provide Lady Orroat an opportunity to reveal her affection. I thought it... might be poetic, in some way.”

He shrugged. Trevelyan smiled. A little warmth gathered in her chest.

She moved closer.

“Will you be attending the party, Commander?”

He shook his head, and continued working off his greave. “I am unsure the loser would be welcome at the celebration.”

“I believe it would a show of humility,” Trevelyan teased. “You do have an arrogant streak.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

The Commander glanced up at her, hand finding the back of his neck. “I, ah…”

Trevelyan giggled. “Here,” she said, offering him the napkin, sullied as it was, “in case you need it. I’d best get to the party, before any rumours begin.”

He took it, and nodded. “Yes, of—of course…”

“Perhaps I will see you,” she said.

“Perhaps.”

She smiled, and bid him farewell, with a curtsy. He bowed as best he could, and watched her go.

Trevelyan had thought, that when she spoke to him again, she would know what she wanted. Whether she wanted to forgive him, whether she wanted to trust him.

She was right, in a way. For when she glanced back, one last time, before slipping through the door—she knew exactly what she wanted.

It was simply not an option she’d expected.

[ghostboyjules]

I posted 14,507 times in 2022

That's 4,532 more posts than 2021!

90 posts created (1%)

14,417 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@feraligatr

@lemememeringue

@cry-4-judas

@wantnothing

@hxh

I tagged 4,619 of my posts in 2022

#the sandman - 519 posts

#hxh - 305 posts

#dream of the endless - 234 posts

#dreamling - 215 posts

#my beloved mutuals ✨ - 144 posts

#hob gadling - 115 posts

#prev - 81 posts

#jjk - 80 posts

#killua - 53 posts

#gon - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 113 characters

#😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

tagged by the ever iconic @hxh, thank you bestie :3c

rules: tag people you would like to know/catch up with

Last song 🎵 : Nothing Else Matters (Metallica Cover) by Phoebe Bridgers (I, of course, love the original as well but this is just gorgeous)

Last movie 🎬 : Everything Everywhere All at Once (if you have mother issues™, do not watch this until you are mentally and emotionally prepared. I'm fucked up. and will be so until the foreseeable future.) [thanks @wantnothing and @halflove 🙄]

Last book 📖 : hmmm.. I'm of the opinion that manga definitely counts, so like. technically Vol 14 of jjk, if we're talking physical. or like, the neat lil booklet that comes with my tarot deck 😅

okiieee I'm gonna tag @wantnothing and @halflove, if they wanna do it. since they have helped emotionally damage me 💀

I'll also tag @watermelon-mafia, @caprisun-overlord, @rabooots, @croakings, @queen-alluka, and @queen-eevee (woah that's two royalty in my mutual circle, love to see it ajfjsjfn)

y'all have a good day, and ily 💙😘

9 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

#4

hi yes hello it's me again. so I'm working on my dream of the endless™~ playlist.. and I was looking through this BROODS album that I liked a lot and... just. just look at this.

uugghh Dream just being so overwhelmed after everything and going to Hob.. and Hob's just. Over the moon that Dream feels safe enough with him for comfort.. the bridge is especially destroying me cause like - of course Dream would beat himself up abt needing comfort in the first place and he can't stop thinking abt all that needs to be done and- AAHHH Hob just gently pulling him out of all that, if just for a moment...

I love fics with this premise and now I have a SONG to go with them???? I'm in shambles.

here's the song btw :

BROODS - Bedroom Door

10 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

hey um. i am genuinely so unwell about this song & dreamling

See the full post

11 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

#2

beloved @hxh tagged me in this and I am not gonna lie this was kinda hard. mostly just because I'm v indecisive 🤦‍♂️ also this will absolutely say something abt me as a person, feel free to roast me abt it ajdjajfnf

10 characters, 10 fandoms, 10 tags

1. Megumi Fushiguro (jjk)

2. Cloud Strife (ffvii)

3. Kurapika (hxh)

4. Dream of the Endless (sandman)

5. Kaeya Alberich (genshin)

6. Ling Yao (fmab)

7. Thanatos (hades sg)

8. Shinobu Kocho (kny)

9. Allen Walker (dgm)

10. Mae Borowski (nitw)

okay okay stopping here before I change anything else 💀 I don't think I'm gonna tag a full 10 ppl, but we'll see sjdjfj

okay let's gooo @watermelon-mafia @croakings @caprisun-overlord @lemememeringue @eel-divinity @queen-alluka @queen-eevee @rabooots

almost but not quite 10, good enough for me 💀 ily my beloveds, hope everyone is having a pleasant time (if not I'm wrapping you in a blanket and giving you cookies okay gn)

14 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It appears the last two (2)….times I’ve tried creating this post, tumblr thought I was too wordy, so I’m going to attempt to get in and get out before it eats itself again

this playlist (a Dream of the Endless™ character examination via my silly brain and sad ass music) took me entirely too long and I'm going to throw my laptop out of the window if I have to look at it any longer so pls pls take it and I hope that if you listen or even read the lyrics that you find something new, or hear something you like.

This absolutely would not have ever seen the light of tunglr.hell if not for the beautiful souls of the Sandman fandom, and a few of my new friends and mutuals. So special internet cookies and hugs to these inspirational, encouraging, and beyond talented individuals; @wordsinhaled , @weirdfishy , @wizardofgoodfortune , and @xx-vergil-xx - i love y'all dearly and I hope this is even HALF of what you would have expected, or a quarter of the amazing content y'all have bestowed upon my lil eyeballs. Now Onward! to words that personally injure me!

Florence + The Machine -Too Much Is Never Enough

And the crown, it weighs heavy

'Til it's banging on my eyelids

Retreating in covers and closing the curtains

One thing's for certain, oh

A year like this passes so strangely

Somewhere between sorrow and bliss

~I first encountered this song in it's source material FFXV, and there it destroyed me. Now, wearing my dumb lil blorbo glasses yet again, it is back with vengeance..goth royalty sad wet cat flavored (gross), vengeance. "too much is never enough" .... oh sweeties...

Oh, who decides from where up high?

I couldn't say "I need more time"

Oh, grant that I can stay the night

Or one more day inside this life

VIRA - God Complex

God, I could try

To be the one

To be the one

I'll tear down the sky

What do you want?

I'll do it all for life

My love, my alibi

Tonight, tonight

I'll try to do it for you

~pretty sure this is the angriest sounding song on this thing? but it is fitting.. and desperate.. and wanting and... painful. when she grits out 'try' and 'sky' the way she does.. god the emotion. this just brought to mind Dream and falling for someone hard enough to the point of destructive devotion...

I'm gonna be where you are

Doesn't matter how far

Because we are meant to be

I'm gonna be what you need

Darling, please worship me

Unless you prefer to plead

AJJ - Body Terror Song

~ I love seeing people explore the idea of Dream just...not vibing with being fully corporeal. At least not in the way he is while in the Waking.. what a mood, and especially after the fishbowl...whew.

It will betray you

Be used against you

Then it will fail on you, my dear

But before that, you'll be a doormat

For every vicious narcissist in the world

Oh, how they'll screw you all up and over

Then feed you silence for dessert

Philip Wesley - Lamentations of the Heart

[Instrumental~]

~I wanted to include a few instrumental tracks in here and this one felt apt because I used to fall asleep to this album all the time. Like it was one of the only ones I could fall asleep to with any certainty. The feeling and title for this one tho struck me with Dream specifically so I went with it. The rest of the album is so nice though, highly rec.

Iris Lune - Paper Mache

~ this song!! it sounds so so ethereal and her voice is GORGEOUS but the lyrics!! have mercy the lyrics! big ole owwie! "save me from myself" , "make me believe that I can change, make me believe that I'm not strange" hhhh (also if y'all couldn't tell, this will be dreamling flavored, I think I'll tag them too jic but. yes...)

Save me from myself

I've been in the dark too long

Paper mache love

Make me believe that I can change

Make me believe that I'm not strange

At all

Penny and Sparrow - A Kind of Hunger

tremble, recognize the distance

Go try and murder every preference

I’ll keep hangin' ‘round for reference

come care about me

come care about me

~this is... such a heavy song. hadn't heard it before starting this playlist but found it and immediately had to add it.. just. come care about me. changing, watching you with wonder. Dying is just a kind of hunger. that line specifically. -lays on the floor for 3hrs-

changing, watching you with wonder

you’re less and getting even younger

dying is just a kind of hunger

come care about Me

come care about Me

Carly Rae Jepsen - Gimme Love

~originally was gonna be a joke song to lighten the mood but haha! nope! I mean it is lighthearted but it still absolutely, in my mind, fits Morpheus. beautiful babygirl of the endless...smooch

Gimmie love (Oh)

It's the way we are together (Oh)

Wanna feel like this forever, forever (Oh)

It's the way we are together

And I never thought I'd ever say forever

Jon Bellion - Stupid Deep (Acoustic)

~this song fucks me up! 😀 for real though, I highly suggest watching the acoustic performance of this that he has on youtube cause the vibe is so.. intimate and dreamy and gorgeous.. and the lyrics.. jon bellion, sir.. smh.. the ending..

What if who I hoped to be was always me?

And the love I fought to feel was always free?

What if all the things I've done

Were just attempts at earning love? Yeah

'Cause the hole inside my heart is stupid deep, oh, stupid deep

See the full post

48 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bloody-wonder]

the gritty realism of aftg characters speaking german

so the other day i read this meta about neil, nicky and the twins speaking german and, although it's fun and interesting, it was written by a native german speaker so most of it is pretty unrealistic - which ig is in keeping with the spirit of aftg, but nevertheless it inspired me to share my own thoughts on how these people who haven't been learning german for that long tbh would actually talk.

an accent

they all have it

yes even neil and nicky have it bc several years are not enough to get rid of it

the thing about the accent is that it's a Bitch. you aren't gonna get rid of it easily. learning a language is one thing, but getting rid of the accent is a different matter entirely - if you wanna do it, you'll have to fucking dedicate yourself to it, take regular classes with a pronunciation coach or some shit

yeah i know neil had to blend in but wanting or needing to have no accent won't really help you get rid of it. it doesn't work like that unfortunately

although nicky has been learning german longer than neil, his accent is worse bc he didn't have an additional motivation of having to blend in. usually, people will progress to a certain level where their accent doesn't hinder the understanding of what they say and stop at that. even if you really want to get rid of it, it won't happen or will happen very slowly just bc subconsciously you know that people understand you anyway. we don't know anything about erik but i doubt he's that person who will correct nicky's pronunciation after every sentence. ig nicky gets better at it when he moves to germany for good but in aftg he has that juicy american accent

the twins' accents are atrocious bc they don't have any motivation to improve their speech nor do they regularly talk to native speakers. they pronounce v as w (instead of f), z as z (instead of ts) and a as ei (instead of uh). and yeah ik andrew has eidetic memory but unless it influences how his toungue moves in his mouth it's not gonna be of much help

all of them say schwul (gay) instead of schwül (humid) regularly bc umlauts are difficult. aaron is probably the only one who gets mad at himself for messing up and tries to pronounce schwül correctly. the rest of them don't care and are content with only ever using the word schwul in both cases bc if god didn't want you to call the weather gay, he wouldn't have made the word schwul much easier to pronounce. nicky can pronounce both words but uses schwul more often on purpose

grammar

as far as i remember the twins had german in high school - and you can't really learn a language in a basic school course. nicky helped them a bit but i doubt that took the form of regular lessons several times a week so their grammar is probably all over the place

der/die/das nutella? how about der/die/das vogel instead?? grammatical genders are totally random and they are near impossible to learn, especially if your first language is english. you learn the genders of the words you use often in your day-to-day and professional life but with the rest you just kinda rely on your intuition and hope for the best. this is where andrew's eidetic memory would come in handy, but the rest of them are screwed. they probably just live their lives misgendering german nouns. if you speak german, just imagine all those aftg dialogues that are supposed to be in german, except half of the nouns are misgendered :)

mixing up dativ and genitiv? how about using exclusively nominativ for all the words in the sentence?

before you utter a sentence in german you have to think very carefully about your life choices: is the sentence in the past tense? do you need sein or haben? if it's in the present tense, is the verb you're gonna use separable, perchance? is there a subordinate sentence? bc you'll need a different word order for that. the german sentence is a mine field that can be navigated in spoken language only if you actually practice your speaking skills intensively and regularly which i don't think the twins have ever done or do. and it looks like they speak pretty fast and don't think ahead about what they're gonna say so i'm 99% sure all the grammar gets thrown out the window

they wouldn't really mix up formal you and informal you bc there's no one they have to address formally in german. they don't use Sie, it's not on their minds. what they do mix up however is du (informal you singular) and ihr (informal you plural)

fluency and cultural references

nicky's german is the best out of the four of them bc his relationship with his partner happens in this language. the reasons are practical (he probably talks to erik rather often) as well as psychological (what purposes you use the language for and what people you speak to in it have a big impact on your progress). btw he and erik probably only talk in german and can't switch to english at will bc when you establish a relationship in a language it becomes "the official language of your relationship". it's weird but this is how it is for many international multilingual couples

the rest of them are hardly fluent bc fluency isn't determined just by how long and where you've been learning the language but also by how often you use it and for what. it doesn't look like neil and the twins talk german very often and they use it only as their "private language" - which basically means they don't use it for anything. unless they will regularly join in on nicky and erik's conversations their german will get worse and worse

as for the very niche cultural references, i doubt that andrew and aaron really know any. neil knows some but doesn't really care anymore bc he doesn't live in germany anymore. with foreign culture, especially with all the proverbs and memes and old media you're supposed to learn as you grow up, there's the information itself and the emotional connotation that people who have grown up in this culture attach to it - and while you can explain the former to an outsider, you can't make them feel the latter. which is why i believe all the stuff neil and the twins learn, they forget very quickly. nicky maybe not so much, just bc erik probably talks to him about it constantly

tl;dr aftg characters speaking foreign languages fluently works only if you don't think about it too much ://

[pebblysand]

of breakable clay [extended author's notes on chapter viii of castles]

oh my god. it’s out. jesus christ.

okay first off, before i dive into anything, i know i’ve already done this in the actual a/n but i would like to wholeheartedly thank @whiffingbooks over on discord for helping me with figuring out the structure of things fic. although i have to admit i did not, at all, do what i told you i would do, talking it out was massively helpful in figuring this one out, so thanks a million. secondly, i would like send all of my most sincere and affectionate thanks to @whizzfizz on here, who mother-of-god basically designed this entire chapter and listened to me rant, and rant, and rant about it for days on end without complaining. i’ll go into a bit more depth later on, but THANK YOU.

now, a few facts on this chapter before i dive further in:

wordcount: 19168. i legit would apologise for this but i promised i wouldn’t so i’m not going to. that’s growing up people. don’t apologise for yourselves haha.

soundtrack: so i’ve never mentioned this but each chapter kind of has a soundtrack? like a song that i listened to on loop while writing this. here, i would basically point you to the entire spotify of a band called barns courtney (there’s one album and a few eps), i basically listened to all of their songs on loop this past month. i feel like they have such a strong gryffindor energy, in the good, the bad and the ugly. this chapter is definitely sort of an ode to gryffindors so their music was a very big inspo. if i had to point you to one song, it would probably be dopamine.

favourite line: ‘I dig my fingernails into the inside of my palms and it feels like the blood that comes out is already boiling.’

what is this chapter about? now, that’s an easy one. survival.

okay, now, spoilers under the cut.

ugh. holy fucking shit. i’m actually at a stage right now where i strongly believe that no one on earth will want to read this because everyone probably hates me right now for the choices that i made, especially after i made you wait almost three months for this shit. i always feel like whatever i’ve put out was the hardest chapter to write so far but this one was really out there in terms of struggles - i’m really sorry it took so long, but here we are.

there are reasons, though. first, as i said in my may round up, i didn’t really start writing this until about a month ago, because a lot of things were happening in my life that i needed to take care of. i took exams (which i passed!!!!), my mum had a health emergency, ireland added france to their mandatory quarantine list (it has been removed as of yesterday thank. fucking. christ) and i started a new job. it was a lot.

anyway, this being said, when i did get to writing this chapter, as mentioned above in the thank-you section, i kind of first struggled with the structure of it. now, you will see this is a recurring theme this time around but for this, my instincts were telling me one thing, and my brain was saying something else.

basically, what came first here wasn’t the actual content of ginny’s letters (more on that, obviously, in a minute) but the ‘mood’ i wanted for the chapter. i wanted to recreate, both for harry and for the reader, this sort of idea of being completely immersed in a book or a story. like, you know the kind of mood where reality just kind of blends out, where you start reading something and just. cannot. stop. i don’t think he’s much a reader (at least not canonically) and so i wanted this to take him by surprise, for her to take over his life with her words. i explained in the previous a/n [link] i chose to have ginny’s war be told through letters (basically, i thought it would be the best way to narratively tell her story), and i really wanted harry to experience what she’d lived through almost first hand.

now, interestingly, my idea for how to do this originally was to have the letters sort of be interwoven into the events of 1999, throughout the next couple of chapters (meaning this one and chapter nine). i had this idea in my head of him living through ‘real life’ things but not being able to take his mind off her letters, with the letters also sort of echoing the events that were happening in 99, etc. having the two plot lines develop at once and meet in the middle, kind of.

and i tried to write that. for a long time. spoiler alert, it didn’t work. i think the reason is that every time i sat down with it, i felt like i was doing a disservice to both stories. i mean: 97/98 is important, but 99 also is, you know? and by taking the narrative in and out all the time, it was like you couldn’t concentrate on one thing. it was just very messy and didn’t have the intensity i was originally aiming for because it kept being dragged out of whatever was the main action at the time. i wanted harry to get sucked into the narrative, for her letters to take over his life, but in the end, the impression i just got was that the whole thing was confusing af. instead of deeply caring about both, i couldn’t bring myself to care either for ginny’s story, or for his.

also, i just kept hitting a wall: a wall called harry. basically, i knew that the next two chapters (i.e. eight and nine) would stretch from january 99 to june 99. and for the love of god, no matter how many times i turned it around in my head, there was - to me - no way that harry as we know him would just pace himself to read her letters throughout all those months. like, harry fucking potter isn’t the kind of guy who ‘paces’ himself. he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t sleep for a week to get through it all, you know? this is everything that he’s wanted to know since last may, he’s been desperately looking for answers up to this point, there is absolutely not way in hell that he’d wait it out nicely until june. it felt ooc to have him read the letters over a few months. and i just kept hitting that wall over and over. i considered, at one point, building him reading the letters into flashbacks but flashbacks of flashbacks were, again, quite messy, and i don’t think her letters would ever be something he’d volunteer to re-read, so. clearly, it wasn’t working.

then, i think on a random sunday a few weeks ago, i just went back to the drawing board and was like: okay, say we just write all of the letters and go from there, what would happen? by the end of the day, i’d written 12,000 words and that was that, really.

now, the second difficulty, once i’d decided that was…. what you all probably want me to talk about.

i know this is probably not what you want to hear but: i didn’t really plan this? like, i understand that a lot of people have sort of a headcanon about what happened to ginny in that year in hogwarts but i … don’t. like, as planned as this fic is (which it is, i know where i’m going, i promise) that was always a bit of a blank-space-tbd in my head. i think that this story, as hinny as it is, is mostly about harry. and while i knew what i wanted for harry from her telling her story (for him to get sucked in, for him to realise that his war wasn’t the only war in the world ‘cause he’s been bloody self-centered so far, for him to realise that his plan to protect her didn’t exactly work because it didn’t cater for who she is, etc.), i wasn’t really sure what that story was. i mean, i knew it was going to be bad and traumatic, obviously, but i didn’t know what would happen. and still, to me, what i wrote is a version of that year. it’s not really my headcanon (i still don’t really have one), and i definitely accept other versions, if that makes sense.

this being said, i obviously had thought about it a little. i remember writing chapter one with that line: ‘They have sex for the first time, that day – his first time and it feels like hers, too, but he wouldn’t dare ask, not anymore, anyways’ and thinking i wanted to leave the door open. to me, it was a door completely open: it could have indeed been her first time, or she could have seen someone else (consensually) during that year, or she could have been assaulted. i honestly didn’t know but yeah, that was always a possibility in the back of my head.

then, to tell you the truth, when i wrote the first version of this chapter (the 12,000 words i mentioned earlier), it wasn’t there. i sat down and decided that i wasn’t going to go there. firstly, because, while you probably don’t know this, i’ve written about sexual assault before. my previous long fic, children, in another fandom, dealt (in part) with that. and i didn’t want to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault. especially because trust me, there are people who are a lot more legitimate to talk about this than i am. i also didn’t feel like it was necessary to the story, i could do without it and still explain ginny’s early behaviour in the fic, explain her trauma, and have harry realise the things i talked about before. secondly, i’ll be honest: i know this isn’t what people in this fandom want to read. the hinny pairing is mostly about love and fluff (which i love, btw, don’t get me wrong) and i was like, ugh, i don’t want to face the angry comments. i’m writing this a/n the morning before posting so i admittedly don’t know what the reaction will be but i do anticipate a lot of annoyance with me. i knew that a lot of people wouldn’t like it if i went there, and it was just easier not to.

but then, as i started editing, there was a comment (and this, ladies and gentlemen, is a testament to how much your comments fucking matter, okay?). a comment that i remembered reading on the previous chapter and could not get out of my head, no matter how much i tried. well, hello, @whizzfizz. i’ll happily give credit where credit is due. it read:

This made me think of something you mentioned earlier in the fic (possibly Ch1) about Harry not being sure if he was Ginny’s first but that it felt like it. I wonder if this is something that is going to come up in her letters to him.

and, so, it turned. around and around in my head, and i couldn’t get it out. and i kept saying to myself: no, you’re not going there. no, you’re not going there. and then, one night, i caved. i was like, fuck, i need to know if this person really meant what i think they meant by this. and so we talked. a lot. and, i did a lot of thinking. about women. about wars. about violence against women as a an inevitable weapon of war. about ginny being harry’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend (more on that later), and what that would have meant in their world. and @whizzfizz, you said something that in the end really sold me. you said: ‘at this point, i don’t think it would be realistic for it not to have happened.’ and, that was that, really.

because i was right, initially. amycus/ginny (ugh, the idea of a pairing makes me throw up in my mouth a little but yeah, there it is) isn’t necessary to the story. but i believe it to be necessary to what this story is trying to show. the plot held well without it, no questions asked. 12,000 words of the da and their battles, of ginny’s rebellions. it was fine. but i think i wanted more than fine. to me (and i appreciate how fucking pretentious that is, please slap me in the face *eyeroll*), castles is more than its plot. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: this is about what is behind ‘all was well.’ it’s about trying to paint a realistic picture of their lives. and that includes the war. and realistically, as far as i’m concerned, knowing how humans fight their wars, knowing our history and the history of violence against women construed as a weapon in literally every conflict there ever was, there is no way that this didn’t happen. ginny says it herself: for us girls, it’s just the way wars are fought.

so, i did go there. and the whole fandom probably hates me for going there, but i sort of stand by it, i have to say. to be honest, on a sort of subconscious level, i kind of wonder: didn’t i always know i was going to go there? like, this fits perfectly into the plot to the point that i think it was probably in my head for much longer than i care to admit. now, i’m so, fucking excited to write next chapter because i finally get to write happy things, and hinny getting back together on rock solid foundations of openness and sharing, and trust, and i’m so, so glad. there are a couple of scenes in the next chapter that i’ve been working towards for months and i’m so, bloody excited to write them. everyone might hate me and i might just be writing this fic for myself now (lol), but again, i stand by the decisions i took. to me, it fits.

phew. okay, now that huge thing is out of the way and explained, here are a few more jumbled thoughts:

the more i think about it, the more i think that my reason for not wanting to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault is a bit ridic. children and castles, in that way, are so, so different. like, i appreciate the overlap between the silk fandom and the hp fandom is probably ridiculously small but if you’ve read both stories, they’re obviously very different. one thing that both stories centre on, though, is consent. and to me, that’s probably the most interesting element of ginny/amycus, and the most interesting element of writing characters within a restrictive pov, rather than an omniscient one. like, do i think ginny/amycus is rape? yes. 100%. do i think that ginny thinks it’s rape? that is a much more interesting question. she says it a number of times but i think to her, this is all about control. i think that because of what happened to her with tom, she’s someone who is terrified of losing control of her mind and of her own agency. so as not to lose that, she’s willing to do whatever it takes. it is a ‘you can control my body, but not my thoughts,’ sort of narrative. and, she never says it outright because i think psychologically she’s just not there yet, but tom is everywhere in these letters. and as her world just spirals out, she hangs onto the very few things that she can control: her relationship to harry, and her willingness to do what it takes for them to survive. she initiates the ‘relationship’ with amycus in an attempt to control her fate. later, as she explains to harry she feels a lot of guilt over what she did, and like a lot of sexual assault survivors, she thinks it was her responsibility. because i’m in harry’s head most of the time for this fic, i’m not sure i’ll ever really get to discuss that at length, but it’s definitely something that i wanted to show. another interesting question is: does harry think it’s rape? i think at that point in the fic, he doesn’t have the education, nor the vocabulary for that. i think instinctively (because he is someone who is very instinctive), he doesn’t blame her. if he blames anyone, it’s probably himself. he understands the necessity to do what you have to do to survive and thinks that no, no matter what she claims, that was not consented. that’s kind of what comes out in his annoyingly inarticulate letter to her at the end. beyond that, though, i think he’s a bit lost, just like she is.

on a mildly related note, there is something that i've been seeing a lot in the comments and that i feel like i should maybe address? namely: harry's reaction to ginny dating other people. i assume similar comments will be made about his reaction to ginny/alecto (meaning that he still decides to write to her, at the end of the chapter). i've seen a lot of people observe that he's much more 'chill' about it in castles than in canon. fair point but is he, though? like, he isn't happy about it in castles. and he's jealous as well. but he was never entitled in canon. he was jealous, yes, the chest monster and all that, but he never really did anything about it, and never really impeded on her right to see other people. now, this being said, i agree that in sixth year he might have thrown a tantrum, had she done what she did in castles, but that was sixth year. it was before the war. before he lost half a dozen people. before he had to adult bloody fucking quickly. this being said, i do think castles-Harry is more 'subdued,' i suppose, than canon harry. this is a choice i made early on, which to me is related to the fact that he kind of lost his 'voice' during the war. i mean, it took him six months of people talking shit behind his back to do a press interview to defend himself. i think with ginny, it's a lot of the same. he's a boy who blames himself a lot, and generally doesn't particularly think he deserves the people in his life. to me it's an evolution of his character within the the world of castles. i'm happy to agree to disagree on it, but to me it makes sense within the character evolution and the way the fic's gone, so to speak. now, obviously, he'll grow out of that in due course, but we're not quite there yet.

regarding their relationship, now, i have to say: one headcanon that i did have for this was her not outright telling everyone they’d broken up. i’m sorry, that plan was shit. i just don’t buy for a second that she would willingly have gone ahead with it, and i don’t buy for a second that tom wouldn’t have used her had he known they’d been together, ex girlfriend or not. plus, i think she needed something to hand onto, and that was her relationship with him. her letters. the belief that they would be together again. without it, i don’t think she’d have survived. and i think that summer after the war, they were totally on the same page, for different reasons. both of them kind of saw their relationship as the one thing that kept them afloat, the one good thing they had, partly also because they’d idealised it for so long. she says it as some point, it wasn’t a relationship, it was a lifeline (another sentence i came up with as a response to a comment, lol) and while that is toxic and was meant to crumble at some point, it was necessary for them, both during the war, and in the early days after it. i think her last letter to him is painstakingly correct on that one.

regarding canon, i know i’m bending a couple of things here, which i just wanted to quickly acknowledge: 1) i know jkr has said it’s teddy remus lupin. i just can’t believe, for a moment, that someone who hated himself as much as lupin did, canonically, would name his son after himself. naming his son after his best mate who died to young to become problematic though? i totally see it. so yeah, creative licence, it’s teddy james lupin in this house, lol. 2) when they meet neville in dh, he kind of hints that they’ve only just started to use the room of requirement a couple weeks ago. the text however, only says they’ve only been staying in it full time a couple of weeks ago. i needed them to have somewhere where to meet with the da and stuff, so i bent that a bit. it’s not strictly canon, but it’s also not not canon, if that makes sense.

on seamus blowing things up and talking about eight hundred years of oppression? full disclaimer, while i am french, i have been living in ireland for long enough to become eligible for citizenship in less than six months (yay!). i know some people have said that seamus is a bit of a cliche in the books/films and all (the only irish character keen on blowing things up, haha *eyeroll*), but i actually kind of love it? like, the whole thing about the cranberries and zombie at the start of the fic has been in my head for much longer than i care to admit. i love the idea that there’s this whole muggle war going on at the exact same time that no one ever talks about and actually, i find the idea of wizarding ireland v. muggle ireland and the whole political structure fascinating. like, is wizarding ireland an independent state? what’s the story there? i have a whole seamus fic in my head, partially on this topic, that i might or might not write one day.

lastly, i know this may sound a bit weird but i need to say it: once i’d figured out what and how i was writing it, i bloody loved writing this chapter. first stylistically, i really wanted to mimic the style of how i’d written the magazine article in chapter 5 (i.e. not writing out the whole thing but writing out in text the excerpts that harry focused on) and i love how that turned out. i think it was a good way to balance her words and his, kind of merging them into one, big narrative. second, as a writer, it was so fucking interesting to write someone who knows how to write, which believe it or not i’d never done before. additionally, i loved the challenge of editing this because it was like: i’ve got to edit this, but not too much? i was very careful about modifying and polishing too much of ginny’s speech in the letters because i obviously wanted it to sound like someone who was just writing as the words came to her, without polishing the words, the punctuation, etc. like i usually would. i wanted her to have quirks (she says ‘you know?’ a lot) and i played with her capitalisation and punctuation a bit too. i know these aren’t necessarily noticeable details but it was definitely something that i thought about and that was very fun and interesting to write, as a format.

wow, okay. this was LONG but i think i have everything i wanted to say. if you’ve read all of this (whyyyyy?), thanks so much for sticking around. if you’ve got any questions, anything i didn’t address, do let me know, anon or not, my ask box is open. now, i would love to say i’m going to chill or something, but the truth is that i have to a) actually do a last read through of the fic, lol and b) put it out. this is what i get for writing the a/n before finishing the damn thing, i guess. i’ll rest tomorrow, lol.

lastly, in terms of next chapter, realistically, i’d say eight to ten weeks. i have a full time job now and also, writing this was fucking exhausting and i need to take time out for a bit before coming back to it with a fresh mind. i will be writing other stuff though, i promise. i have a couple of prompts to get to (thanks!!!) and a couple of other ideas so i will probably be posting in the meantime, just not castles.

lots of love,

p.

[kittymaverick]

Mystery Case Files 21: The Harbinger commentary and review, part 2.

outSpoiler free review first: Holy SHIT GRANDMA studios, talk about knocking the ball out of the park. Not only was that a solid good MCF game to start off with, you’ve now set up the expectation for the next game so high, I’m honestly a little afraid for you. Like... do you know how high the bar is now that you’ve hinted about the content of the next game? Right, coming back to Harbinger for a second. Barring one tiny little slip up which I think was just something that got lost in translation (English is like that), the lore of MCF managed to stay intact, which needs to be applauded. At one point, I almost questioned if there might be almost too many references, especially with that happens to the references in the game itself. (Yes, I, the MCF nerd and fanatic, actually had that thought). I still flip-flop a bit on whether this was a good execution, or a good but shaky execution. For one thing, the way it’s executed... wow, that’s some heavy stuff emotionally. Which is why I’m questioning if that’s “good”, because I suppose there was a line of emotional heaviness I didn’t expect we’ll cross in MCF, but GRANDMA took it there. And so far... part of me is guiltily okay with it, but wow... The studio’s art style does suggest that a detraction from from MCF’s usual Elizabethan English Horror Story with a side of Soul Steampunk and Celtic Druidism would not necessarily be a bad thing. That GRANDMA chose otherwise though, and stuck with a very, very MCF story (albeit more limited to the Celtic legends part), takes guts. What I do wish we’ll get, after the next game, is a story line that’s a GRANDMA original, sort of like Eipex’s the Black Veil, because I think the studio has potential in creating something that’s more them without pulling away too much from MCF. Anyway, that’s the spoiler free review part. Back to my spoiler filled commentary!

Aisling: I know I act suspicious, but I’m just a psychic! MD: I know I’m just a detective, but people keep dying around me, so hey, we’ve got that in common. Aisling: James gave me this cube by the way-- huh? *Emblem of MD appears* ...I’m sorry, that ancient celtic emblem... has a bloody hat. It has a bloody hat. I’m DYING.

Realized I jumped back too far to do this retroactive commentary. Oops.

MD: Okay, well, maybe he isn’t dead yet. We could probably dig him out-- *Nigel turns to bone* MD: ...Never mind. He’s beyond saving. Someone get the coroner!

Six thousand mirrors in the room, and not one shows your face. MD: A technique I have perfected over the two decades of my career. Didn’t save you from getting married to a homicidal madman though. MD: ...I don’t think he picked me because of my looks to begin with.

...Hey MD, I know paper work wasn’t exactly involved and all, but did you actually divorce Charles, or did you just betray him? MD: *DEATH GLARE* You know what, pretend I never asked. MD: You’d better.

MD: Let’s see what skeletons Nigel has in his closet. You know, the last time you found skeletons in a closet, quite literally... MD: Shut up, I was trying not to think about that! (This happened in Key to Ravenhearst. The Skeleton was Charles and Victor.)

Okay, so James was a MCF fanboy, Marge you met on one of your American trips, Nigel was a Fate Carney, John worked on a restored Ravenhearst. I don’t want to say her Majesty might have under exaggerated the number of keywords there were going on here... MD: Oh no, she definitely made it out to be less important than it seemed. She also definitely sent me in because the report she’s going to get out of this is going to be spectacular. The idea that HRM might be the ultimate MCF fan in-universe tickles me with delight. MD: And fills me with utter dread.

Nigel’s shadow puppet theatre: I got fired from the carnival! Boo! MD: Nigel, getting fired from Fate’s Carnival probably saved your ass. Temporarily, until whatever is going on here got you. MD: .................... What? Oh... MD: Yeah. Oh geez I’m looking forward to the case after this now! 8D MD: Why is it that the more I’m tortured, the more gleeful you are?

*Telephone rings* MD: Hello? Marge: HELP ME SOMETHING IS HERE AAAAHHH Well shit. MD: Yeah, she’s done for. Let’s go see the body.

*Gibs collects collectibles before going to body* *I die laughing because that’s my priority too*

MD: Oh no Marge I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you in time... ...Yeah right, says the person who doesn’t want to get their hand on the black stuff. MD: Look, my sorrow doesn’t in anyway override my desire for hygiene, okay? Reminds me of that one time I called some detectives from the last century dandies for refusing to stick their hand into a barrel of rainwater...

MD can I point out how you’re making detailed sketches of MARGE’S BODY in your journal? MD: Look it’s this or pyromania, okay? Don’t judge me. Also, I’m starting to think people that meet you on your cases shouldn’t bother locking their diaries. You always manage to crack them open.

Marge: Oh James is such a darling, I should get him to marry my daughter, then I’ll be such a happy mother-in-law. .............................. MD: ...................... Well, um, I guess Marge was a cougar on the inside, maybe? MD: Yeah, let’s phrase it like that (Restrain desire to make crude NSFW jokes...)

Marge: DAMN THAT GIRL FOR STEALING MY BOY. Marge, seriously, there’s officer Davis. I’m sure he’s just as nice! MD: And not on anyone’s death list. For now. MD: Don’t say that...

Davis: Well, I guess that’s one more evidence against Aisling. HOLD IT! MD: This note here shows clearly that Marge intended to frame Aisling for an attack on her! And the diary entries clearly document how much she hates the suspect. Therefore, the evidence shouldn’t be permissible-- Davis: Yeah, but Marge is dead, and there really isn’t anyone else in town left. *Record scratch* MD: ....It could be... you? Davis: Harhar, look here’s the evidence, go talk to Aisling. MD: Urgh, fine. It’s okay, MD, I was rooting for you there at least!

Aisling: Death, death is all around us! *Flees* MD: Okay, Aisling, that’s really not helping and only making you more suspicious! But since you’re away, I’m going to rifle through your trailer. Um, now who’s suspicious???

Hm, you know, this place would have been great for a holiday spot. MD: I don’t know, given my records with holidays... ...True, you’ll probably end up doing exactly what you are doing now. MD: That said, I think I’ll take a slice of apple pie since no one’s looking. Does the agency pay for your food on your cases? MD: They’d better because I’m giving the recipes to Her Majesty if they don’t...

Aisling: I came here to save John but he’s locked upstairs, please help! MD: Um, if you had let me come with you... maybe some time could have been saved? Aisling: But what if I get killed first then? MD:........ She’s got a point. MD: Dammit, fine...

Hm, so John’s ancestor worked on the original Ravenhearst... We’ll probably need to open up the original game to see if that was the guy that fell from the construction site. (My guess is it’s not, because that carpenter was originally meant to be Rose Summerset’s husband, so it should have been Summerset. Plus Rose’s kids were the twins and Victor.)

Oh damn, a model of Ravenhearst-- MD: Hm, it’s missing a weather vane. ........... MD: Look, just because I burn the place down several times, doesn’t mean I don’t care what it looks like, okay? Can you point out the window that you escaped out of by any chance? 8D MD: *sighs* This one...

Aisling: John, NOOOOOO. MD: Right, gotta cut him down quick! He might still be alive. *Proceed to spend over minutes solving puzzles* MD: I swear, this happened very fast in actuality... Never as fast as the plot demanded though...

*Puts weather vane on model* *Model turns into a raven* MD: ???????????????? Okay, I need to take points off for THAT ridiculous transformation and animation. XD

Aisling: I can’t take this anymore! MD: I know this is hard, Aisling-- Aisling: Here’s the next slab, btw. ....This mood whiplash... I’m dying.

Um, so apparently the banshee wasn’t trying to destroy the world, but was trying to restore herself, which... you disrupted. MD: Look, Allison and her friends needed rescuing okay? I couldn’t just sit idling by. ...If that was disrupted, then how DID Aisling turn human then??? MD: .....Let’s save that mystery for another time because I feel a headache incoming... (Fix edit: It seems to imply that the ritual was only disrupted, not failed, so Aisling did get her skin back, though now she doesn’t remember being a banshee...)

Aisling: I’m a banshee? That’s... That’s impossible. MD: Well, I’ve been through a lot to say most impossible things are actually probable in reality, though if you somehow don’t remember me shoving you back into the cave, um, then I’m grateful. Once you do, please don’t kill me. BTW, your turn on the cube of mystery!

Aisling: Well, if I’m a banshee, I guess I should go back to Dire Grove. We can catch the next ferry. MD: You know that’s a really long trip right? It might take us the better half of a day-- Or a single puzzle’s worth of time. MD: ...Where was THAT kind of fast travel all these years??? I do like how it’s implied that you guys had a huge detour with picking people up and dropping them off though.

Ais: Okay, we’re here in Dire Grove-- AH! MD: Wow, even nature is saying NO to you. Ooooooor it could be a certain immortal druid-- MD: Please don’t. It’s fine! We have a banshee. MD: All she does is predict death! Oh yeah, forgot about that...

*Aisling gets “kidnapped” by green energy* Gibs: That can’t be healthy. MD: That’s honestly pretty normal at this point for us. At least she didn’t get dropped down a tube.

Um, what’s with the Chinese incense in a Druid’s domain? X’D (I’m going to pretend they traded that...)

(I honestly don’t have a lot of stuff to comment on in the section in Dire Grove, because there isn’t much to snark about. Which, I guess, comes to show that 99% of silliness comes from MD dealing with PEOPLE, alive, dead, revived, or otherwise not really a human.)

*Aisling goes back to banshee form* MD: First, no hard feelings about last time, right? Aisling: *stares* MD: Please, thank you, and I’m sorry??? Aisling: You did help me out, so I guess it’s fine. MD: *sigh of relief* BTW, four people technically did DIE though in the process. Aisling: Um, that wasn’t me, if you recall your lore correctly. MD: True enough, but STILL. Just pointing it out. You want her to scream in your ear? She’s still got time for that.

Aisling: BTW, this energy is still floating about. And I think I know why. Will you accept this energy and use it to save the world? MD: Oh hold ON a minute. You want ME to do WHAT? Aisling: Save the world. You heard what I said. MD: Okay, listen. I started this detective job mostly because I thought it was cool... (MD’s going to be at this for a while. Are you going to listen, Aisling? A: To be honest, I’ll probably stop around the part where MD apologized for shoving me back into the cave... By the way, want to hear my part of the story on how I turned back into a banshee? Sure!) *****************************************************************

HOW AISLING BECAME A BANSHEE, AGAIN. Aisling: To make a long story short, there was a lot of puzzles Puzzles which you had to personally solve, without MD’s help? Aisling: It really makes you appreciate how hard MD has had it for the last 21 years...

Did... did you just KILL four people to restore your spirit? Aisling: I just helped their soul cross over! I swear! Aisling, you’re being really SUS right now and I’ve practice how to spot a liar lately! Aisling: I only predict deaths! And then find the souls and tell them where to go. I swear that’s my task. EVERYONE VOTE AISLING AISLING IS THE IMPOSTER

Is one of your abilities literally “summon joyride”???? Aisling: it’s a carriage A carriage can be an awesome joyride if you use it irresponsibly Aisling: How does MD tolerate you? They don’t, they’ve just had worse company and I’m a lesser evil. 8D

Aisling (actually Gibs): *suffers through the last giant super puzzle* ...Yeah, REALLY makes you appreciate what MD goes through. Aisling: Is it always this bad??? Sometimes. I’ve seen worse.

Gibs: THAT CARRIAGE IS BADASS. See, I told you it was a joyride. Aisling: You know, I think I’ll float back to the MD. No joyrides. Awwwwwwwwwwww... Okay, now let’s rewind back to when MD started their rant. **************************************************

Aisling: BTW, this energy is still floating about. And I think I know why. Will you accept this energy and use it to save the world? MD: Oh hold ON a minute. You want ME to do WHAT? Aisling: Save the world. You heard what I said. MD: Okay, listen. I started this detective job mostly because I thought it was cool, and it was for the first couple of cases where all I had to deal with was bust the criminal organization STAIN and recover the Hope diamond for the Queen. But then that’s where all my trouble started because she sent me to this creepy manor which turned out to be a prison to not one, not two, but FOUR ghosts. What’s even worse is the first time I went, I thought I only had to rescue Emma. I was wrong, and for the longest time, I thought Fate Carnival folks were dying from my mistake. Turns out later it was completely personal. This was everything that happened before I met YOU. (Again, really sorry about kicking you back into the cave and getting you stuck in the situation you were in in the last who knows how many years...) Afterwards, I went to the Louisiana which got me on the bad side of a certain ghost pirate, who turned out to be the grandfather of the guy killing the carney folks from his mother’s side. Which was why he was killing them by the way. She sold him to Fate’s Carnival. Anyway, after figuring out that I’ve dun goofed, I went back to Ravenhearst manor, which turned out there was a WHOLE OTHER SECTION I didn’t discover last time, which was somehow a very personalized and twisted marriage proposal that I didn’t notice until too late. I burned THAT down for good measure before taking a break in some place near a lake. But then that guy’s FATHER took up issue with what I did, which I didn’t even started, to be honest. He tried to kill me for whatever grudge it was that he had. I had to stab his horocrux with my badge to get him to stop that time. But then it turns out that father ALSO has some offspring here in Dire Grove, and I had to come back to prevent THAT from going down in flames as well. Thankfully, I think they remained sane. I can’t say the same for the twins, who turned out to be the evil guy’s kids. They most definitely went insane, and REMADE Ravenhearst, which I had to burn down for THE THIRD TIME. All that plus the jump I took landed me in an asylum, which turned out to be the one where both the evil bald guy and his dad was imprisoned once upon a time. Of course, the guy’s father tried to kill me, AGAIN. Took care of that, and also removed the shard that was driving me bonkers. It only gets worse from here though. I got chased around by an woman with a clock for her heart who I had to defenestrate out a clock tower. She didn’t stab me, but then the guy who probably ENGINEERED MY ENTIRE LIFE did, because apparently he wanted to use my soul’s virtue to anchor death to the mortal world or something. I got an immortality feather out of that, I guess, so it wasn’t too bad, but I basically DIED. And then afterwards there was that undead guy who was really hung up about his biker jacket. Next was the evil guy’s ancient youngest son nearly destroying the world (4th wall break: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT) trying to revive him which thankfully DIDN’T HAPPEN BECAUSE OH GODS I WOULD HAVE DIED FOR REAL ON THE SPOT IF IT DID, FEATHER OR NOT. Then a creepy woman in a mirror had to be locked back into the mirror dimension. And that’s when my agency had a fucking SECURITY BREACH which turned out to have been in the making for YEARS. And then the pirate guy came back and nearly enslaved me. I had to blow up his ship and exorcise him from this world. And AFTER all of that, I was finally sent to Blackmoor, where I met YOU, and also saw a bunch of people marginally related to me die from a cause we still don’t have any answers for. *DEEP INHALE*

Aisling: Okay, so your point is.... MD: My POINT is.... out of ALL the sane and wholesome people in the world who don’t have ANY BAGGAGE whatsoever, why do I, the Master Detective, have to be the one to save the world here-- Charles: Hello. MD: *SCREEEEEEECH*

CHARLES IT’S BEEN FOREVER-- wait, you’re not here to serve the divorce papers are you? Charles: Of course not. I’m asking MD to come back home with me. MD: WHAT?! Charles: Where else would I welcome you back to? *Evil cackle* ......... 8D8D8D8D8D8D8D8D Aisling: ........... :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| MD: .................D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< MD: Aisling, hand that energy over, I’ve a WORLD TO BURN.

I have to point this out... the last time we saw Charles IN THE FLESH in game, was Escape from Ravenhearst, which was NINE YEARS AGO, likely TEN by the time Crossfade comes out. Happy Tenth Anniversary of your wedding, Master Detective? 8D

MD: AS IF.

[kylorenfanfic]

Long Away - chapter 7

Kylo Ren x Reader

Masterlist

Words: 1k > Remember reading the ending note :) Sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes

It has been two days since you came back from Fondor. Ever since you came back you’ve been wanting to leave the ship, it was quite suffocating staying on that cold thing flying through hyperspace the whole time.  It was morning when someone knocked on your door, you opened it, it was a droid.

           “The Supreme Leader wants to meet you in the training center.” It said

           “When? Now?”

           “Affirmative.” And it left.

           You complained with yourself, who did he think he was to ask you to be somewhere and you had to be there immediately? Maybe just the Supreme Leader of the whole galaxy, yeah. Well, it wasn’t like you had anything better to do anyway.

           You quickly put some training clothes on, put your hair up on a ponytail, and walked towards the training center. On your way you greeted some troopers walking by, they knew you already, you couldn’t really recognize all of them, all wearing masks and their complicated names.

           Getting in the training center you noticed it empty, apparently every time you were going to train with Kylo Ren he would have the room private. When you entered the room and saw the tall dark figure in the middle, you looked around.

           “What, no surprise attacks this time?” you said getting closer to him, he looked at you, still no smile.

           “Sit” he said and you obeyed sitting on the floor. “Close your eyes” and so you did.

           “What do you see?” he asked. You saw Poe for some reason.

           “A green place” you lied.

           “Liar.” You opened your eyes at his statement. “I asked what you see.” You closed your eyes again and this time your Jedi Temple burning down came to your mind. Your chest started hurting so badly.

           “Fire” you said, the ache burning inside you.

           “What else?”

           “Screams.” The feeling of the memory coming back to you. “Pain” and your heart fasted its beat.

           You felt something, you didn’t open your eyes but you could tell Kylo Ren was on the floor sitting next to you.

           “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he questioned.

           “No” you said, but your heart was beating so fast, you could feel the blood in your ears.

           “Stop lying” he annoyed declared.

           “Yes” you said again, while your eyes were close and your mind was still seeing the burning temple, the pain in your chest lightening a bit.

           “Why?”

           “Your presence intimidates me” you said. In your mind, the dark scenario changed to a light one and the pain was gone. The Jedi Temple wasn’t burning anymore. You could hear the children playing. “But I know it’s all a façade”, at the instant you said that you regretted it, that came out of your mind without wanting to.

           “What?” it was all he limited to say.

           “You want everyone to think that you are the all-powerful one, that no one can question your authority, that you are indeed the supreme leader, but actually… you are just a scared man, full of fear.” The sound of the children playing in your mind became lower, you could hear the sound of a river, it was a sunny day. That suddenly was cut off when you felt your body being thrown cross the room and hitting the wall. You were in the air, your back on the wall, when you opened your eyes and couldn’t breath.

           Kylo Ren had his hand in the air, he was using the Force to suffocate you, the feel of it on your throat.

           “I think it’s time for you to treat me with more respect. I am the Supreme Leader. I have tolerated your lack of behavior long enough.”

           You were gasping trying to get some air, you couldn’t even speak. Your body fell on the floor, you looked over Kylo, his eyes staring you. You coughed and took deep breaths. You wanted to cry, but you didn’t so, you wouldn’t allow him to see you as fragile.

           “You haven’t kill me yet because you’re just lonely as I am and you want an apprentice,” you angrily said, trying to raise up your body, looking at him. “Your childish reaction in a demonstration of force, hurting me, only proves my point that you just want to state off your power in any opportunity because you’re afraid that people don’t respect you.” He used the Force and once again he was suffocating you.

           “Come on, kill me then” each word you said your throat hurt more and gave you less air to breath. He let you go. “You want me to feel anger? I do feel anger. I lost everything I had, everything I loved. I was lost and alone in a damn stupid planet. I had nothing, and I don’t know... for some reason, joining the First Order seemed my purpose. I could do something then. Turns out I am Force-sensitive and my purpose looks much bigger now. And you know what? I thought I wasn’t alone anymore. You could help me somehow. But turns out you can’t. So yeah, I do feel anger, because of you.” All you said was true, although covered by some necessary lies into the situation.

           “And then you come here, threatening me, pretending that you don’t need me as much as I need you. Your pretentious man” your body was on fire and you felt such anger, you wanted to kill him, you wanted revenge. You forgot that for him you didn’t know how to control the Force, you just wanted to finish it all, hurt him as much he had hurt you, he had no right. You stood your hand in the air and felt the Force, the lightsaber on his hips flew in your direction and you got it in your hand in such a speed. You lightened it and stared at him the same way he had stared at the Fondor’s leader. In your heart you could cut his head off right that moment, as you wanted to.

           He had no reaction for a moment. Then… did he had a small smile on his lips?

           “Our lesson is done for today.” He got his saber back using the Force and turned it off. Then, he left the room.

           What was he doing to you?

A/N: Helloooo, thank you for reading!! If you want to know when the next chapter comes out, make sure to follow me (and/or) ask me to be add on the taglist!! PLEASE PLEASE FEEDBAAAAACK, I live for it and it helps me on keep writing please, and if you like it enough, give it a like and a reblog, please :D  Sorry for the short chapter btw, the next one will be short too, but then a long one is comming (wink wink, no smut yet, but it will come eventually). I really hope you guys are enjoying it. Lot’s of love ❤ Oh also, the gifs are helpful to imagine the scenes of the fic :)

CHAPTER 8

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[winterironspiderling]

For the prompt list: 99 and 85 are two I would love to see. 99 takes priority though. I love your writing btw! 😁❤️

Thank you for the compliment! I did 99 with WinterSpider, and I’ll do 85 with Starker in a separate post. :) Conveniently, 99 was requested twice!

“Would it help if I stayed?”

Rated Teen, Hurt/Comfort, mention of a car accident.

Peter had clocked the car going just a little bit too fast all the way from his perch on the rooftop. He swung down with practiced ease, flipping off the end of his web with a flourish and landing in front of the car right before it collided with the passing bus.

He took the impact of the crash, and set the car down on the road as gently as he could. A quick glance let him know there were three people in the car, including the driver.

The car’s front end was crumpled and would be totalled according to the insurance companies, but he’d stopped dozens of crashes like this before. He’d done all the calculations in his head and known that with the way the car was heading into the bus, the three in the car would’ve been dead, and one or two from the bus. Had he not intervened.

Peter rushed to check if everyone was okay, expecting not to have any issues, but something was wrong.

The woman behind the wheel was slumped forward. He could smell the blood before he saw it dripping from her nose.

Peter ripped off the door, and Karen was already calling for emergency services.

“No, no, no. I don’t understand,” Peter murmured.

The children in the backseat were crying.

“She’s still breathing,” Peter realized. “She’s still breathing!”

He had Karen run an analysis to make sure the lady was safe to move, and then he pulled her out of her seat.

There was only so much he could do, though. He was smart but didn’t have any medical training beyond CPR, but was that even what she needed? She was unconscious, not dead.

Peter panicked. He would’ve been willing to lift the mask to save her, but he didn’t know what saving her entailed.

“Karen, what do I do?” Peter cried.

“She is unconscious, Peter. Paramedics are on the way.”

“I know, but what do I do?” Peter put his hands up to his face. The crying from the kids in the backseat was drowning out all his other senses. Now, a crowd was gathering, watching him fail.

Finally, the paramedics arrived.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said. “I’m sorry. I stopped the crash,but I—I think she hit her head.”

“Would’ve been worse if they’d hit the bus,” the paramedic replied in a clipped tone.

Peter went to help the kids out of the backseat, but they recoiled from him, terrified.

“It’s okay, I’m Spider-Man. I’m here to help,” Peter tried. His voice came off as manic instead of reassuring.

Peter backed away. Obviously he was doing more harm than good here. He’d been patrolling for over three years, and he’d gotten into sticky situations, but he’d never lost anyone before. Was she going to be okay? Did he just orphan two kids?

He had to get out of there.

He cut patrol short and went back home to his apartment. Some days were harder than others, and this was a hard one.

His ears were ringing, even the sound dampeners in the suit hadn’t been enough to quell the sound of screaming kids and sirens. The chattering of the crowd watching him fail.

Peter took off the suit and threw it aside. He disappeared under his comforter and squeezed his eyes shut.

Peter couldn’t get his thoughts to calm down no matter what he tried. Was that woman okay? Thoughts of the ferry incident and Tony having to come and rescue him pervaded his mind. Was that all he was, even with the new suit? A screw up?

He didn’t fall asleep, but he hid in his bed for over an hour until the ringing in his ears quieted. A knock at the door was the last thing he wanted, but it was better than the ringing, so he decided not to ignore it.

Peter pushed his blankets away and walked to the door in his boxers . Probably May coming over to check on him

He unlocked the door and pulled it open only to be greeted by Bucky.

“Bucky. What are you doing here?”

He took in the man’s outfit. Much different from what he usually wore when they interacted. Peter had been on missions with him before and trained with him at the compound. They were friendly, but not house-call friendly.

“I was in the area.”

“Oh,” Peter said. “Uh. Come in I guess.”

“Thanks,” Bucky said politely.

The corner of Peter’s mouth lifted up a little bit at that. Bucky’s reputation was way darker than his actual personality.

Peter would’ve offered the guy a drink, or a snack, or something, but it occurred to him that he was almost naked.

“I, uh, I’ll go put something on.”

Bucky nodded. He stayed standing by the door to the apartment. Baseball cap, red henley, jeans, and all. Nothing like the murder costume he usually wore. Peter liked him like this, but still didn’t understand what the hell he was doing there, and why he’d chosen now of all times to visit.

Peter was tempted to put the Spidersuit back on so he could even the status quo of the impromptu encounter, but he didn’t want to look at it quite yet. He opted for his school sweatshirt and jogging pants.

He made is way back into the living room and plopped on the couch.

“You can sit,” Peter said. It was weird that Bucky didn’t do anything he wasn’t told to, but he was a polite person.

Bucky sat on the same couch, leaving a space between them.

“So, what brings you to Queens?” Peter asked.

“Wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m good,” Peter lied. “How’re you?”

Bucky ignored the question. “You don’t look so good.”

Peter frowned. “Thanks?”

Bucky sighed. “I saw what happened today.”

“How?” Peter wondered.

“The news.” Bucky shifted in his place.

“Okay.” What do you want?

“How are you doing?”

Peter looked away. Typical. He’d graduated from being under Tony’s watchful eye to being under Bucky’s. Did everyone watch the news to see him make mistakes?

“Shitty,” Peter admitted.

Bucky nodded like he approved of the honesty.

Peter let his expression change to reflect how he felt inside. Miserable.

“I did everything right.” Peter’s voice broke. “I don’t understand what happened. I don’t even know if the lady is okay…and the kids. I can still hear them crying.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Bucky said. “I watched the clip. Ifyou hadn’t been there, it would’ve been worse.”

“That’s what the paramedic said, but I don’t know. I must’ve grabbed the car wrong. If I hadn’t flipped when I came down…I could’ve been a second earlier.” Peter shook his head.

“You’ve been Spider-Man for so long,” Bucky began. “I’m kinda surprised something like this hasn’t happened sooner.”

Peter frowned. “What kind of advice is that?”

Bucky shook his head. “I mean you can’t save everyone.”

“I’ve saved everyone so far,” Peter replied. “I’ve dealt with guns and knives, and bombs. You’ve seen it yourself. I never lose anyone.”

“Maybe you still haven’t,” Bucky said.

“I’m scared to find out what happened,” Peter said. “You didn’t see the look on those kids’ faces.”

“They would’ve looked worse if they’d crashed,” Bucky countered.

Peter shrugged.

“Anyway.” Peter waved. “Why did you come? No offense, but we’ve never really hung out before, and I know you weren’t just in the area.”

Bucky looked away for a moment. “I get alerts on my phone. I sort of keep tabs on everybody.”

Peter raised his eyebrows.

“I watched the clips, and I could tell that you were freaking out,” Bucky explained. “I’ve never seen you act like that before, so I don’t know. Thought I’d come by.”

“Oh.” That was actually really nice of him. If Bucky had noticed him acting like that, then how many others had? How embarrassing.

“It wasn’t obvious,” Bucky added. “I could just tell ‘cause I know you.”

“Right.”

Bucky nodded again. “I’ll check now to see if there are any updates on that lady, okay?”

Peter nodded. He was glad Bucky was there to do it. He didn’t know what he’d do if he checked the news just to find out that she’d died. It would be all his fault.

Peter held his breath.

“No news,” Bucky announced with a grimace. “She’s still under.”

Peter leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “This is all my fault. I really did it this time. I don’t deserve the suit.”

“Whoa, Pete,” Bucky said, voice surprised. “You can’t say that.”

“It’s true.” Peter spoke into his hands. “What if she dies, Bucky? Her kids are all alone and scared…I probably looked like a freak to them. The last thing they needed.”

“Hey.” Bucky sounded uneasy. “None of this is your fault. How many people would be dead if you weren’t there patrolling? I would probably be dead if you weren’t on the team watching my back. Remember last year?”

Peter really didn’t want to cry, not in front of Bucky. Bucky had been through more than anyone he knew, and he didn’t cry.

“My parents died in a car crash too.” Oh shit. Now he was dry heaving. He should’ve known not to bring that up. “What—what if I—”

Peter was really crying now. He registered Bucky moving closer to him and putting his arms around him uncertainly. Peter leaned into the man’s embrace. If Bucky had come to check on him, then he might as well make it worth his while.

“Do you need me to call anyone?” Bucky asked, voice full of concern. “Can I do anything?”

Peter clutched Bucky’s shirt. He’d have to get him a new one even if the snot and tears were washable. He was crying too hard to speak.

“Would it help if I stayed?”

“Y-yes,” Peter managed. “Please.”

“You got it, Pete. I’ll stay. As long as you want.”

Peter knew he and Bucky weren’t close enough for this to be appropriate, but the man was just so warm and inviting. Peter wanted to keep some semblance of dignity for himself, so he backed away as soon as his sobbing calmed down, wiping his face on his sleeve.

“I’m sorry.” Peter ducked his head. “I didn’t mean to.”

“No harm done,” Bucky said. “I came here to check on you, and I’m glad I did. I would hate to think of you being here all alone like this.”

“Still. It’s embarrassing,” Peter admitted. “I just…the heightened senses are sort of a package deal with heightened emotions, too.”

“Even if that wasn’t the case…you don’t have to apologize for crying.”

“Everyone already thinks of me as a little kid. Youngest one on the team. Nobody else cries like this over an accident.”

“Not that you see,” Bucky argued. “And I don’t think of you like that.”

“Yeah, but you came here to check on me. You wouldn’t have done that for anyone else.”

“You’d do it for me. You have.”

“That’s different,” Peter argued. “You got shot.”

“Seeing people hurt is like bullets to you.”

Peter frowned.

“Besides,” Bucky said. “Everyone else has people to check upon them. We don’t.”

“I guess.” Peter wiped his face on his sleeve again. “Thank you,” he added. “It does suck being here alone most of the time.”

“I know how you feel.” Bucky leaned forward and wiped a straggling tear from Peter’s cheek.

Peter nodded. It really was nice to have Bucky there with him. He was such a quiet and calm presence. Large but not overbearing. Just safe.

“I’ll get you some water,” Bucky said. “Then I’ll check the news again.”

“Okay,” Peter agreed.

He used the opportunity to blow his nose and make sure he didn’t look disgusting. Now that he’d taken the edge off with a good cry, the feeling of excitement that Bucky was in his apartment came to the forefront ofhis mind. Bucky cared about him.

Bucky came back with a smile on his face. “Look.”

Peter stared at the phone with wide eyes. A new viral video of the woman from the car wreck with her kids beside her in the hospital bed thanking him for what he’d done.

Peter almost cried again in relief.

Bucky didn’t say anything, but he looked pleased.

“Thank God,” Peter breathed. “I can’t believe it.”

“Well, pal, I guess I should go then since you got nothing to worry about.”

“What?” Peter asked. “You don’t…you don’t have to go. I mean, unless you want to. I—you can still stay.”

Bucky smiled. “Let’s get something to eat, then. I think you could use it.”

“Okay.” Peter leapt up off the couch, his mood vastly improved. He hadn’t killed anyone. That was as good of a reason as any to be happy. “I’ll get you a different shirt too since I sort of wrecked yours.”

Bucky followed him into the bedroom this time. He took his dirty shirt off. “You sure I’ll fit? You’re kinda tiny.”

“I wear my clothes baggy.” Peter turned around while he answered, his breath getting caught in his throat at the sight of Bucky, shirtless.In his room. “Um. Here you go.” He grabbed blindly in his closet and ended up selecting a shirt with a science pun that totally wasn’t Bucky’s style.

Bucky put it on with a grin.

 “Thanks again for coming,” Peter said once he was locking the door to his apartment with Bucky at his side.

“Thanks for letting me stay.”

Peter already had a crush, and this was not helping those feelings go away. He’d already embarrassed himself enough. Go big or go home,right? And he’d already locked the door, so…

He stood up on his tippy toes and kissed Bucky on the mouth.

“Sorry,” Peter offered. Was he really sorry, or just using that as a balm in case Bucky wasn’t happy about it? Both, probably.

“Don’t be,” Bucky said. His cheeks were rosy which Peter found to be the absolute cutest thing.

Bucky reached his hand out, and Peter took it. Somehow the worst day had turned into the best one.

[imagine-that-100]

Drunk | Part 4 |

Description of Part 1: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | When you come back home to Manchester from University, you get invited to a house party filled with your old friends from high school. You hadn’t seen most of them for 4 years and the house brings back some old memories of the parties you once attended. Getting drunk with old friends ends up being better than you imagined.

Word Count: 11.1k

Warnings: lil smutty but not really

A/N: I really hope you guys like this part. It was fun to write, and I really enjoyed your comments after the last one. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one when you’ve read it. Love you all, thanks so much for reading. Let me know if you want to be tagged x

btw haven't even read through it properly I just did spell check so sorry about that. 

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| MASTERLIST IN BIO | Updates on Fridays |

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You were beyond excited that today was the day you’d get to see the band again. From speaking to them on the phone a few times over the past month you’d forgotten how fun they were to chat to.

So, you were thrilled when they walked through your Student Union’s (SU) doors and grabbed your attention.

“Y/N” You heard someone shout.

You were sat on a bar stool chatting to your colleague who was behind the bar when your head whipped around to find who called you. You smiled when you saw Ross and Adam come through the doors.

You got up immediately and walked towards them with a big grin on your face. You reached Ross first and he’d just put his bass case down so he could give you a hug.

When his arms wrapped around you, you felt like you were home again.

“Awh I’ve missed you guys” You grin as you gave him a tight squeeze.

Ross chuckled and let you go so you could move onto Adam who chuckled,  “We’ve missed you too” as he hugged you.

“Nah, I’ve not missed you at all” You heard George call and you let go of Adam to send a dirty look his way.

“Ew, who do you think you’re speaking to?” You playfully shoot daggers at him and punch his shoulder which almost knocked him off balance because he was carrying the bass drum of his kit.

“Hey” George shouted back at you, but you could only grin at him because of the smile on his face.

“Where can I put my shit?” He questions and you laughed.

“Come on. Follow me” You instruct before walking through the bar and showing them to the staff’s section of the building. 

You told them they could keep all their music stuff here for the night because you had a big storeroom and your flat wasn’t the biggest.

You opened the doors for them and flicked the light on and watched as George put his kit down. As soon as he did, he wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up spinning you around a few times.

You let out a little screech of surprise at his antics and then giggled as you hugged him back. All the while trying not to spill your drink down him, which proved difficult as he span you around.

“Oh my god, I’ve missed you so much” George expressed as he put you back on the ground.

“Definitely not more than I’ve missed you” You chuckle, feeling slightly dizzy.

“I beg to differ, I’ve had no one to call when I’m bored” George told you, before giving you another tight squeeze.

“I told you that you could call me whenever you wanted” You sighed, shaking your head like a disappointed mum.

George shrugged before letting you go, “Well, I didn’t wanna disturb you”

“You’re an idiot, I’ve pretty much finished everything” You told him before Ross asked if he was alright to leave some other stuff and you told him it was fine.

“Thanks for making me carry all this shit whilst yous just chat” Matty said in a moody tone. 

You watched with a smirk as he stumbled through the door with two drums in his arms and a guitar case on his back.You let out a snort at that and watched as he placed the drums on the ground. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the moody boy in front of you.

“Matty” You nodded at him with a grin on your face.

“Y/N” He responds before walking towards you to give you a hug. 

You gave him a hug back and scoffed when he took your drink out of your hand and took a few mouthfuls of it.

You punched his arm hard for that and then pushed the bottom of the drink higher, so it spilt down his front a little. Served him right for stealing your drink and after not saying bye after Christmas.

“Bitch” He scoffs as he wipes the cider off his face, and you took back what was left of your drink.

You grinned back at him looking at the massive black wet patch on his top. At least it was a little bit of payback that he definitely deserved.

Once you’d helped them get all of their stuff into the storage room, you got them all a drink. It was entertaining watching them all order their drinks whilst looking around at the building.

You could tell they were trying to figure out what the people were like here. To see if they were like we all were back home.

You introduced them to your manager, who was behind the bar, and he seemed thrilled to have them here. The guys told him that they were grateful for the gig and your manager elected to embarrass you.

“Oh, from the way Y/N/N bigged you up, I’m expecting great things. She nearly orgasmed when I said that you could perform” He over-exaggerates, and all the boys burst out laughing.

Ross laughed putting his arm around you and gave you a side hug. You put your arm around him as well, but you were shocked at what your boss had just said.

“Fucking workplace harassment” You scoff with wide eyes, but you knew he was only joking. 

He may have been your manager, but he was mostly just your good friend. He was only a year older than you, and you got on like a house on fire.

Your manager laughed at you before saying, “All jokes aside though, thanks for coming all this way”

“Ah we’d go all the way down to London for Y/N/N” Ross hugged you into him slightly tighter and you smiled up at him.

You saw that George also nodded at that and you paid for the drinks. 

“I love these boys” You told your manager in front of them and your manager smiled.

“I can tell.” He smiles before glancing back at the boys, and then proceeds to make your jaw drop by asking, “Which one of you did she shag?” 

“I never told you I shagged any of them” You half scoffed still a little shocked.

Matty held his hand up and said “Guilty” and your manager laughed.

“Right fuck off” You told your manager with a smile and pulled Ross, who you still had your arm around, over to an empty booth.

When you all sat down, you were chatting to each other like you never left. It felt so nice having them here with you. You loved it.

As you chatted you found out a few things that left you shocked. You found out that Adam had broken up with Rebecca a couple of months ago which you found really upsetting.

You climbed over the seats over to him to give him a hug. And when you released him you sat yourself down next to him and subsequently Matty.

Thankfully though, Adam seemed okay and you hoped one of your friends would take an interest in him this weekend. Which to be fair Adam seemed like he was up for too.

Everything had been going great and you loved that you were still joking with each other. However, throughout the night a few guys that you’d previously been with had come up to you.

One guy called Noah came up to you and gave you a one-sided hug. You lent into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and smiled up and around at him.

“You busy tonight Y/N?” Noah asks confidently and you had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

“Yeah, busy this weekend” You told him.

You could feel the guys eyes on you and but you didn’t feel the need to introduce them. You were 99% certain that Noah was over here to try and get back into your pants, but the answer was going to be no. 

You had to suppress a laugh when your theory was correct and Noah starts being shamelessly suggestive, “Shame, we could have done that thing you wanted”

“I already found someone else to do it, but thanks for the offer” You smiled up at him half-heartedly.

“Well, you know where I am if you need me” Noah smiles with hopeful eyes.

You smile up at him and watch as he walks away to his friends.

“When did you shag him then?” Matty grabs your attention back.

You smiled because it was blatantly obvious. You had to think back to when it was, you’d had a few guys since you got back after Christmas. You start counting on your fingers and saying names back in your head until you come across his.

“Jesus Christ” George says watching as you start counting over 5.

You chuckle at that before slapping his arm, “Hey, just because I know what I like doesn’t mean it’s gotta be with one person”

“I’m not planning to be married like you are until I get back home” You told them after taking a sip of your drink.

“Why until you get back home?” Adam asked curiously.

“Well literally everyone here’s from different places. If I’m going to end up being with someone properly, I’d rather it not be a long-distance thing” You told them honestly.

“People don’t tend to wait for what they want” You shrug with a sad smile.

“So, you actually want a relationship when you get back home?” Ross asked you.

“Why? You interested Ross?” You smirked, playfully shuffling closer to him.

Ross shrugged his shoulders and nodded slightly. This made the both of you giggle and you winked at him playfully.

You both laughed the joke off, and you gave your actual reason, “I’ve had my three years of fun. Probably time to settle a bit when I get back”

“You’re going to become boring then, you mean?” Matty asked and you stuck your middle finger up at him faking distain.

“Don’t think that’s possible” You smirk before finishing the rest of your drink.

“You guys want another round?” You asked and they nodded. 

You got up and Matty came with you to get the drinks this time around. He looked so fucking good in his black skinny jeans, and the way his leather jacket hung off him made you want to bite you lip. Even his distressed black top was sure to look good if he took the jacket off. 

You were still attracted to the guy. Yet you really shouldn’t be after how he left things after Christmas. But you guess the body wants what the body wants.

As you were waiting to be served, Matty curiously questions you, “So, what did you want that guy to do that he didn’t do?”

You looked at him with a smile and lent towards him a bit before saying, “I’m sure you of all people could guess”

You watched Matty’s reaction to what you’d just said, and you saw the flash of recognition in his eyes. He’s raised his eyebrows at you before quickly glancing at your neck. Once his eyes connect to yours again, he’s sending you a knowing grin.

Matty lent towards you and half whispered, “Found anyone else who does it properly?”

You grin back at him and nod your head. The guy that you’d been seeing recently did it much like how you remembered Matty did.

“Better or worse?” Matty asked and you shrugged your shoulders.

“It’s different” You told him, and you were sure he was about to ask you something else, but your manager asked what your order was.

Matty paid for the drinks before you could get your card out fast enough to treat them again. You thanked him for the drink and you both wait patiently and watch as your mate made them.

You exchanged light conversation, but you got interrupted. In your peripheral vision you see someone walk up to the bar next to you and you hear them say “Hey Y/N/N”

You look around to your other side and see that Cole was stood next to you.

“Oh hey” You smile at him.

Cole wraps an arm around you, which Matty notices straight away and he can’t help the smirk that grows on his face. Matty makes eye contact with you and you shake your head slightly almost pleading with him to drop it. 

You knew exactly what he was thinking. Another notch on your belt.

“You down for tonight or are you busy?” Cole asks you not so subtly, and then you saw that his eyes flicked towards Matty.

You heard a snort of laughter come from Matty, but he quickly covered it up with a cough. You stopped yourself from chuckling at his reaction and answered Cole’s question.

“Sorry I’m busy this weekend, I forgot to mention” You move out of his grasp as you lean towards Matty a little more so you could get ready to get your drinks. 

“Ah it’s alright. Maybe in the week or next weekend or something?” Cole babbled, obviously a little distressed that you’d turned him down when he wasn’t expecting it.

You took a hold of your drinks that your manager handed over to you and Matty.

“Yeah, maybe if I ever recover from this weekend” You chuckled to Cole before asking Matty if he could grab the other drinks.

“Yeah sure” Matty replied and you watched him as he grabbed the three drinks in his hands. You were so focused on looking at Matty’s large hands that you nearly missed Cole asking you another question.  

“So... You got any plans this weekend?” He smiles at you.

“Yep I’ve got four great plans” You smile nodding towards Matty and then over to other three boys on the table across the room.

“Yeah, come on Y/N or we can’t start the gang bang on time” Matty nudged you. 

Just before you could laugh, Matty shocked you by leaning in and kissing you out of the blue. It was a quick one but it also lingered, quite clearly his intention was to make Cole fuck off. 

You kissed him back, and you almost wanted to pull him in for another. But before you could, Matty pulled away, winked, then he heads back over to the table.

You tried to hold your amusement back from your face as you go to follow after Matty, but it didn’t work. All you could do was smile and when you looked back around at Cole who now looked shell shocked as he stared at the band sat at your table.

“See you soon Cole” You hurried off and you heard him say a faint ‘bye’ before you sat back down. You put the drinks down in front of you and you shook your head at Matty.

“As if I don’t already look bad enough sitting with four guys, it’s gunna to look a hell of a lot worse when you all leave with me now” You glared at Matty, but amusement was clear in your voice.

Matty let out a loud laugh at that and you couldn’t help but laugh to. The other boys asked what had happened and you told them from the start of Cole’s interaction.

They all found it funny and George decided to highlight something to the group.

“Well, don’t you seem to know everyone here” He grinned.

A laugh escaped from your lips before you could even attempt to hold it back.

“Yeah, I’ve probably shagged one person from every group in here, you guys included” You joked, and they all laughed.

“Fun times innit” You joke, shrugging your shoulders before looking around the room to see if you were right.

As you looked around the room, Adam asked, “Go on then, which guys?”

You smile back around at him before you start pointing people out to them discretely. You give them the low down on what each one was like if you could remember. Some of them had been a long time ago, so you forgot some of the details.

You just know that most of them you’d had a good time with, so you regretted absolutely nothing.

“And the guy who’s at the bar right now, he’s the guy I shagged in the staff room” You told them, and they smiled and shook their heads at you.



“What?” You questioned with a grin, “I didn’t wanna wait, and he was being a tease” 

“Too much information Y/N” George shook his head before taking a long drink.

“Oh whatever, like he’s not told you worse” You said pointing to Matty. “And it’s better to be honest about it. Why lie about it when you’re just secretly wanting to know anyway? I’d rather just tell you”

“Okay, so if were being truthful, who’s the best guy you’ve shagged?” Matty asked you confidently.

The question causes you to sit back and sigh. That was a lot of people to filter through in your head. 

After a few seconds, you shrug, “I don’t know, it’s a difficult one” 

“It can’t be that difficult” Matty pulls a face.

“Who’s the best girl you shagged then?” You shoot back, not thinking it would be an easy answer for him either.

“Probably you” He shrugged.

“You’re saying that just cause I’m sat here” You sighed not believing him.

“Nah I’m not. It probably is you” He said bluntly.

“Okay” You dismissed it, not really knowing how to reply.

You did take a little gratification from it though. Definitely a good ego boost. 

But you don’t get a second to appreciate the victory you never asked for, because the others push on asking you, “So, who’s yours?” 

“I don’t know” You sighed but you couldn’t stop smiling because of how insistent they were being.

“How can you not know?” George asked trying to repress a smile but failing.

“Wait, so you all have just the one person at the top of your list?” You asked and they all nodded and looked at you like you were stupid.

“Shit. Maybe I am I slut” You laugh and practically facepalmed yourself. 

You heard George let out a really loud laugh and you couldn’t help but smile. You owned it and you had fun, so why not reclaim the slur. 

Enjoying is no sex is no crime. 

“So, come on then who’s yours!?” Matty impatiently repeats himself. 

“I don’t know, it’s all different. You obviously want me to say you and yeah you’re good, but you were different”

“A better different?” Matty smiles, letting curiosity get the better of him.

You shook your head, “No just different, like I shagged you loads of times but most of them in here apart from like two of them I only shagged once”

“Which two?” Matty pressed on.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t know. I’ve been shagging Cole recently and before him it was that guy over there who just made eye contact with me” You explain, quickly turning away from Kyle.

“Alright then out of me and them two, who was better?” Matty carried on and you sighed loudly.

“I don’t know” You express slightly louder than before.

“Just fucking choose” Adam starts to laugh. 

The whole conversation became funnier as it went on. You just needed to make a decision at this point. 

“That guys coming over here now by the way” Ross told you and when you look back, you saw Kyle walking in your direction.

“Fuck” You murmured looking down to the ground in hope that he wouldn’t come near you.

“Quickly” Matty ushered.

“Y/N” You heard Kyle call.

“Fine, you” You told Matty before you felt Kyle’s presence next to you. At least it meant that Matty’s victory would be short lived.

You turned to look at Kyle and half smiled. 

“You alright” You asked half-heartedly.

“Yeah good thanks, how are you?” He asked in a friendly tone.

However, your tone didn’t match. You sounded bored of the conversation already when you replied, “Great thanks”

Why is it that most lads are only especially nice when they have other intensions?

“I heard about something going down at yours this weekend, is that still a thing?” The brunette asked you curiously.

“Definitely not. Who told you that?” You frown.

Nothing that he was invited to anyway.

“Stacy said that you were all going out tomorrow then it would be back to yours and you were having a flat party” He told you and you made a mental note to slap Stacy when you next saw her.

“Yeah that’s invite only sorry, and my flat will have enough people in it” You said dismissively.

“We could just go in your room if you wanted” He said, and you didn’t even stop your eyes from rolling this time.

“Again, it’s invite only and when you decided to use me to cheat on your girlfriend, you were very much uninvited. You know? Just in case you forgot” You told him with no hint of humour in your voice. 

You sounded so condescending it was unreal.

He looked at you as if you shouldn’t have said it that loud but then quickly reverted back to his player ways. “Well I don’t have a girlfriend anymore so...”

“Fuck off” You scoffed shaking your head. 

You looked round the table at the boys to see they were wide eyed at the situation that was unfolding.

“Come on, you know you want it” Kyle said and Matty of all people gasped. 

At least he knew you well enough not to say shit like that.

“I think I can definitely do better than you and I've got four guys right here” You said pointing round to them all. “If I want a fuck, I’ll ask one. Now fuck. Off” 

Kyle seemed to take the hint after that because you heard him walk away. After you took an angry mouthful of your drink, the boys were now looking at you, waiting for you to say something.

You looked around them and smiled as if the previous conversation didn’t happen. “So, you’re all up for the gang bang then?” You joked and they all burst out laughing, and thankfully the tension eased.

After that the night seemed to move along smoothly. None of your other past flings came up to you and you were left alone with some of your favourite people.

“I’m excited for the gigs! I haven’t heard your music in forever. I’m getting withdrawal symptoms” You told them, and they chuckled.

“We’re excited to” Adam smiles.

“Especially for the paid ones” Matty added and you laughed.

“I did tell you guys that you’re getting a hundred each on Sunday, right?” You asked, your mind becoming a bit hazy from the alcohol.

“What the fuck do you mean a hundred each? You just said one hundred” George questioned with wide eyes.

“Oh no sorry I meant you get a hundred each. I blagged it saying that you needed the money for the travel and expenses for the hotel for an extra night”

“Y/N, you fucking genius” Matty grins, before grabbing your face and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

When you were released, you laughed and flicked your hair to the side, “I know I’m great. Manager material” 

They all laughed at you and after that round of drinks you all left the bar. You all thought it would be best before another one of your Ex’s showed up and started bothering you again.

When you got back to your flat the first thing you did was show them around. You loved your flat. The four of you who shared it made it feel like home and you loved it with the whole of your heart.

It wasn’t much but it was cute and homey. You had 4 bedrooms and the biggest one (which was yours) had an en suite. You also had another communal bathroom and a joint lounge area and kitchen.

The boys seemed to like your flat as they looked around and they were very excited when you told them that your flatmate Tom was away and that he said the lads could use his room. George got dips on it straight away, but you had no doubt he would end up sharing with another one of them. And they would more than likely swap over the weekend too.

The next thing you did was let them make their own drinks with the alcohol you’d bought them the previous day whilst you went to your room to get changed. You decided to change into your PJs which consisted of an oversized top and some shorts. You elected to keep your underwear on underneath as well because you didn’t want to accident flash anyone.

You also pulled your blanket off your bed and brought it through to the lounge. They had left a seat for you next to Matty, so you plonked yourself down next to him and lay the blanket over you.

Matty seemed to want some of the blanket though as he was pulling on it. You shook your head at him and shuffled closer to him and shared the blanket between the both of you. You lent on his arm slightly so you could get as much warmth from sharing the blanket as possible.

You hated being cold. Especially when you were getting drunk.

After a while you were all chatting shit again about nothing in particular and the alcohol was going to your head. You felt your eyes closing slightly so after you lent forward to put the rest of your drink back down on the table you decided you would rest your eyes for a bit.

When you lent back you felt that Matty’s arm was now behind you instead of to the side. You looked to him, but he was still in conversation with Adam, so you thought nothing of it and just lent into him and closed your eyes for a minute.

“You good Y/N?” George asked you a minute later. You opened your eyes and smiled at him.

“Yeah just resting my eyes” You said and smiled at him until he carried on with the conversation.  

You pulled the blanket up and around your shoulders, so you kept warm. There was nothing worse than getting cold when you were drunk. You hated the cold in general, but it was worse when you were drunk.

This time you kept your eyes open and listened to their conservation. You only chirped in to ask the odd question, but you just liked being around them. You’d really missed them since Christmas.

You stayed practically curled up against Matty’s side like that for a good half an hour and you were enjoying your comfort. So, when Matty’s hand moved to firmly grab your arse you were surprised. You looked towards him, but he was just chatting away like nothing was happening.  

You looked back towards George listening to his conversation and after a minute he squeezed your arse. The action made you jump slightly but not for anyone other than Matty to notice.

You looked to him, again he was fulling invested into his conversation, but you saw a faint smile on his lips. You tried to stay calm, but you could feel yourself getting excited. You definitely weren’t tired anymore.

Your skin already felt like it was on fire and he hadn’t even done anything yet. But the way he was holding you was driving you insane already.

You both sat there like that for a while Matty squeezing your arse every minute or so and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying yourself. It was exhilarating that he was doing it in front of other people.

It didn’t help when his fingers them started to roam around some more. His fingertips dragging over your skin was a sensation you forgot how pleasurable it was.

Your breathing became ragged but not for anyone to notice. You closed your eyes and lent your head against back Matty’s shoulder.

You could hear the chatter among you but the only thing you could focus on was Matty’s fingers. They were currently teasing you by tracing the bottom of your pyjama shorts.

You had no idea how he was continuing as if nothing was going on. You could hear him talking next to you and it seemed like he wasn’t doing anything to you at all. It was a skill really because you definitely didn’t think you could do it.

You were thankful that the blanket was covering his movements too because there was no way without it that one of the other boys would have noticed. And if they could see what was happening, you would have been mortified.

You felt Matty’s fingers slowly pull the bottom of your pyjama shorts up. His nails scratched along your leg slightly adding to the sensation.

When your shorts reached your hip, he paused himself and kept his hand on your bare leg for a moment. You were on edge waiting to feel what he’d do next.

After not moving for a good minute, you thought he’d done with you. That, however, was a mistake because a few seconds later you felt him start to trace small patterns on your hipbone with his fingertips.

He kept relentlessly teasing you by moving his fingers underneath your shorts. He was getting you excited for him again and at this point you already knew what the weekend would hold. A lot of sex.

Your breath was becoming deeper despite you trying to control it, but your heartbeat was through the roof. You were desperately trying to calm yourself down, so the other boys didn’t notice.

As far as they were concerned though, you’d fallen asleep and your head was resting on Matty’s shoulder. They kept their voices down slightly but the drinking and the talking carried on.

You turned your head towards Matty’s neck so you could hide the fact that you needed to bite your lip. You were struggling to keep yourself still as all you wanted to do was touch him.

However, you knew the game you both played very well, and you weren’t going to give in that easily. You were clasping on to fistfuls of your blanket as your sweet torture continued.

Matty could hear your uneven breaths as he carried on teasing you. He missed the fight that you’d always put up with him. He missed you.

The way that you were always up for anything and how you would always be willing to try something new. He’d even missed you coming to his gigs.

Matty felt your cool breath fan his neck and he smiled at the raggedness of it. It just drove him on more.

You felt him then slide your shorts higher, and knock your legs open a little so he could have all the contact he desired. You felt him run his fingers across the lacy material of your underwear and trace the line of it.

You knew what was about to happen and you didn’t think that you’d be able to control yourself for much longer if he carried on.

When the tips of his fingers found their way underneath, you released a shaky breath. Your heart was beating at a ridiculous pace and Matty heard the little whine slip out of your mouth when he paused himself.

God he’s missed that noise.

His fingers slowly moved underneath the thin material and your breath hitched. You were waiting for the inevitable and you weren’t even going to lie to yourself. You wanted it.

You wanted him.

You could tell he was moving at a slow pace to try and make you get him to move faster. He already knew he had the permission, he just wanted you to be the one to initiate it.

You wouldn’t do that though; you’d rather prolong the sweet torture.

Matty could feel your excited breaths fanning his neck and he could see the blanket rising and falling from your chest. He knew you were excited for him. Almost as excited as he was for you.

That was until George said, “Y/N” and Matty felt your whole body jump and you picked your head up off his shoulder to look at him. It probably looked as if you’d just been startled awake.

You placed your hand over Matty’s and moved his hand out of your shorts and back to your hip. You couldn’t even think about talking to George whilst Matty’s hand was in your pants.  

Your fingers slotted between his and you held him at your hip. You knew what he was like and he’s most likely just go for it as George was speaking.

You cleared your throat because saying a small, “Yeah?”

He looked tired like the rest of them did. They looked how you felt half an hour ago but now your mind was wide awake.

“Why don’t you just go to bed? You’ll be comfier there and we won’t disturb you” George suggested, and you felt Matty try and move his hand back to where he was previously positioned. You held him back though, so you were okay.

You nodded at George, agreeing. No matter how much you actually wanted Matty, this time you would not be the first to give in. Especially since he didn’t even say bye last time.

You removed his hand from your hip, so it rested on the sofa and you got up wrapping the blanket around you. You looked at the boys in front of you and asked “Do you know what room you’re staying in”

Ross nodded, “The one next to this one, right?” And you gave him a thumbs up to confirm he was right.

“Imma go now actually to” George said raising his hand to you and you smiled helping him to his feet.

Ross stood up too and it seemed like he was going to be the one who shared with George. Which left Matty and Adam on the sofas.

“I’ll go and grab you two pillows and blankets” you say before leaving the room.

You felt like you were on fire as you found the spare blankets and pillows for them. You just about sorted your breathing out by the time you went back into the lounge with their stuff.

You saw Matty now spread out on the sofa lay down as if he didn’t have his hands in your pants less than 5 minutes ago. Adam was sprawled across the other sofa and you threw a blanket and pillow at each of them.

“Night boys” You called before leaving them to it and heading back to your room.

And for the first 10 minutes, you really hoped that Matty would follow you, but you quickly realised that he wasn’t doing. After half an hour, you tried to go to sleep but you found yourself tossing and turning.

An hour of trying to sleep passed, and because it wasn’t working, you didn’t even bother trying anymore. You lay there staring at the ceiling until you’d had enough and needed to move.

All you could feel was the ghost touches from Matty on your body and you craved him the more you thought about it. You really needed to stop though, you needed sleep. You had a long day tomorrow.

You found your mouth becoming dry and you wanted nothing more than a cold drink. You decided to bite the bullet and get up and grab a can of Dr Pepper out of the fridge.

You got up silently and made your way into the lounge quietly. It was nights like this that you wish you weren’t a night owl and could sleep like a normal person.

You hated not having a separate kitchen and lounge area but until you got a house of your own, that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. You slowly opened the door that separated you from the sleeping boys and quietly creeped in.

You could just about make your way around thanks to the glow from the streetlights beaming through the windows. You made your way to the fridge and pulled it open.

The light that came on nearly blinded you and caused you to hiss in pain. You quickly got your freezing cold can of Dr Pepper out and closed the door.

You turned back around and placed over at the boys as you made your way out of the room. You noticed that Matty had picked his curly haired head up off the pillow and was looking right at you.

You took no notice of him and didn’t rise to his antics. You slipped back out of the room and shut the door behind you.

You cracked open the can immediately and took a mouthful. You welcomed the cool liquid and the beautiful taste of it. There was no better feeling than finally getting a drink when you were dying for one.

You sat yourself down on your bed and picked your phone up and checked your social media. There was nothing that took your interest as you scrolled through the apps so after about 5 minutes, you’d already drank half of your drink and you weren’t even getting tired.

That, however, didn’t stop you from jumping out of your skin when your door handle rattled and a second later Matty was in your bedroom. You put the can on the table beside your bed and looked at him questioningly as he walked toward you.

“You’re too stubborn for your own good” Matty scorns before grabbing a fistful of the hair on the back of your head and using it to pull your lips to his.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning you woke up early. Disgustingly early. There was usually only one 6 o clock in the day, and it wasn’t the early one.

But you did wake up at that horrific time in the morning and you knew that there was no way you could get back to sleep. You’d woken up sweating despite wearing no clothes.

You could sense that Matty was still in the bed near you but thankfully not touching you. You were so hot you didn’t think you could withstand his body heat.

You desperately needed a shower and you really couldn’t wait for one. You elbowed Matty in his side and startled him awake.

“What’d you do that for” He practically growled in anger.

You rolled your eyes, “You need to get back in the lounge now before they see that you’re gone”

“Who the fuck cares?”

Good point. But you weren’t going to back down now. 

“I do, and if you want to do it again later birthday boy, you’ll fucking move now” You press on before elbowing him again.

Matty scowled at you but started moving. You watched as he got back up and put his boxers on before walking towards your bedroom door.

“Thanks Hun” You sarcastically wave, and he stuck his middle finger up at you before leaving the room.

You didn’t know how, but you fell back to sleep again and woke up an hour later. You felt much better than earlier and more refreshed as well.

You quickly jumped into the shower and let the hot water run over your body. You welcomed the relief it brought and found that it soothed you immensely. Thankfully Matty hadn’t felt any marks on you this time around so you didn’t have to cover anything up before you left your room.

You got dressed into some black jeans and a baggy top and went into the living room. Inside you found that Matty and Adam were already up which didn’t surprise you. George was also in there, but his hair was wet like yours.

“Morning” You chirped as you walked into the room.

“Mornin’” The all called groggily.

“Who wants a bacon butty?” You asked, opening up the fridge and pulling out a packet of bacon.

They obviously all said they did, and you quickly started cooking. You started humming a tune that was stuck in your head.

“Why are you in such a good mood? You were well arsey when we woke up at Steve's”

“Yeah that’s cause I’d just woken up then, I’ve been up for like an hour” You told them before connecting your phone to your Bluetooth speaker.

“Any song requests?” You ask and no one replies so you just shuffle your playlist.

You cooked them breakfast and when you served it to them, they are all grateful. When you handed Matty his, you hummed the tune to happy birthday, and he smiled at you sweetly.

“Thank you” He says taking the plate from you and pecking your cheek before sitting back down.

You smiled as you made your own breakfast and then sat next to them. You could tell that today was going to be a good day.

And you weren’t wrong.

Matty’s birthday was great. You all had a lazy morning which is the best way to start off your birthday, you thought. Just chilling with your friends was something you could only dream of doing on your birthday.

There was no chance your Mum would let you get away with not seeing her on your birthday. You had no clue how Matty had escaped his family for the full weekend. You were extremely jealous.

That was one of the things that you’d always wanted to do. Just escape for the day on your birthday and have no one but your friends around you. You didn’t want the fuss and apparently neither did Matty. All he wanted was music and alcohol.

You all lazed about your flat until 5ish when you all decided to get ready for the night ahead of you. You’d informed them that your friends were going to meet you at your SU at 7 so you all decided to get there for a similar time.

After changing into fishnets and a black dress, which came down to your mid thigh, you finished your outfit with your black Dr Marten heels. Needless to say, you looked fucking stunning both before and after you put some make up on, and the way Matty looked you up and down when you came out of your room, that was all the praise you needed. 

You looked hot. You didn’t need the verbal clarification.

When you got to the SU, you introduced the boys to the band that was on before them which went rather smoothly considering your boys sort of stole their usual spot. After that you saw that some of your other Uni friends were there and introduced the boys to them seeing no problem with it.

However, once you introduced them by name, you really wished you’d chosen to just keep them as strangers. When you introduced Matty you and the boys saw the looks your friends shared between them and the knowing smiles on their faces.

It didn’t help when Sophia said, “Oh, so you’re Matty”

The grin that was then plastered on Matty’s face said it all. He seemed pleased like he was someone famous being recognised.

You decided to escort the boys away and you took your seats in the same circular booth as the night before and you started drinking. Before you knew it, the other band has started playing and you couldn’t stop laughing at the boy’s reactions.

Matty looked down at you halfway through their first song and asked, “These play every week?”

You looked into his brown eyes and nodded at him.

You watched as he pressed his lips together and he hugged you towards him slightly more, before saying a quiet, “Poor you”

You sniggered at that and shook your head slightly before turning your attention back to the music. After the third song had finished you watched as Adam and Ross turned towards each other and shared a wide-eyed look.

This caused you and Matty to giggle because you knew you were all thinking the same thing. They were complete shit.

After the song after that finished and they started butchering covers of songs and after the second one George turned back around to you all and said, “I thought after a few songs it would get better… But I was wrong”

This caused your whole table to start laughing and after a minute you had to force yourselves to stop. The whole situation was funny, and you don’t think you’d had as much fun at one of these nights in so long.

“They are actually shit” Matty said rather loudly after another 10 minutes of the torture. Too loud for your liking and you hushed him quickly.

“Please don’t. I have to see these people every week” You told him sternly.

“Then get me out of here because I can’t listen to another hour of this shit” Matty retorted.

“And where do you suppose I take you? We can’t just leave and go back to mine, all your shit’s out” You deadpan, gesturing to the guys guitars that were propped up against the back wall.

Matty’s arm was around your shoulder and his other hand was stroking your leg, occasionally getting his rings caught in the fishnet tights you were wearing. 

You didn’t stop him. You liked the way he didn’t leave you alone. You felt wanted and who didn’t want to feel wanted.

Matty lent his head into your hair and whispered into your ear, “We could go into the back?”

You knew that he was alluding to the fact that you’d had sex at work before and he wanted you to do it again with him now. When he pulled his head back you looked at him questioningly.

Matty flashed his flirtatious eyes at you and you shook your head smiling. After a minute, you felt him nudge you, “Come on”

“Do you want me to get sacked?” You question quietly.

“You’ve done it before, what’s stopping you now?” Matty asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Maybe he was just better than you at making me desperate” You whispered.

“If you want me to repeat last night Y/N, all you had to do was ask” Matty said into your ear and his hand travelled up until it met your skirt and it didn’t stop there. He kept going until he almost found what he was looking for.

You let out a little gasp at his actions because you weren’t prepared for it. You shoved Matty’s hand away as George turned back around to you, wondering why you were shocked.

“You okay?” George asked.

You nodded, “Yeah they are just shit. Want you guys on already” 

George seemed satisfied with your comment and you sent a glare towards Matty. He smirked down at you and then placed his hand back on your leg after he moved your hair to expose your neck.

Jesus, you wanted him again badly already. You’d wanted him since this morning, but your pride wouldn't let you before tonight.

Matty’s hand climbed higher again as his lips attached to the skin on your neck and you were beyond thankful you were sat in the corner of the booth. Everyone’s attentions were on the band playing in front of you and no one took another glance in your direction.

You lent your head the opposite side so Matty had room to explore your neck and he went at it like a vampire. You could feel him sucking on your skin and you pushed him off you.

He was certainly good at teasing. 

But Matty’s very pleasant torture carried on. He whispered dirty things in your ear, his grip tightened on your thigh and he loved leaving lingering touches on your bare skin.

You were originally going to be more stubborn than last night. 

You wanted him to beg. Birthday or not. 

He was a dick when you left home and he obviously couldn’t wait an extra day to find someone new to move onto.

However, his current actions were causing you to get a little flustered and you actually wouldn’t mind a quick fuck. So, you elected to make him wait a while longer and sit through more of the shit music until you decided it was time to give him a birthday treat.

You would let him think he had some sort of hold over you now but then later, when you get back to your flat, you’d prove that it was you who decided when and where it would happen.

When you’d had enough of the shit music and Matty’s teasing intensified you determined that it was time. You grabbed Matty’s hand and stood yourself up. George and Ross were in your way of getting out of the booth but at this point you didn’t want to wait any longer.  

You stepped over them pulling Matty along with you and when George and Ross asked where you were going you mumbled something about going and having a fag.

You didn’t lead him outside though, you led him through the staff doors until you were met with the staff room. You practically pushed Matty into the room and locked the door once you were both inside and you let the fun begin.

~*~*~*~

20 minutes later, you left the staff room and shook your head at Matty. “You could have just waited a second, you didn’t need to rip them off” You said looking down at the ripped fishnet tights in your hand.

Matty threw an arm over your shoulder before he sarcastically teased, “I’m sorry, were you complaining about that twenty minutes ago?” 

You elected to ignore his comment and put your tights into the bin just after leaving the staff only section of the building.

“You want another drink?” You asked Matty.

“Please” He replied, and you headed off to the bar to order yourself and the boys another round of drinks. Once they had been made you took them all over on a tray.

Matty had settled himself back into his seat and they all grinned at you as you put their drinks down on the table. If your looks could kill, Matty would be dead in his seat.

“Told them already I see” You sighed and sat yourself down next to Ross after throwing your tray at Matty.

It hit him in the chest, and he called you a bitch after the pain set in.

“What the fuck, no” Matty denies, picking the tray up and chucking it down on the table.

“No, it’s pretty easy to guess when you leave with fishnets on and come back with your hot legs completely bare” You heard a voice say to the side of you.

You looked around to see Ava standing with a few of your other friends that you introduced the band to earlier. Ava had gone home to see her family for the week but made an effort to come back early for the band’s gigs.

You shook your head, before standing up and pulling her into a hug. “I missed you” You told her honestly and she giggled repeating the same thing to you as she hugged you back.

You swayed in each other’s arms for a minute before you both broke the hug and you looked down at what she was wearing. 

“Fuck me, you look stunning” You said probably louder than was necessary.

She was wearing high waisted leather pants with a black bralette on underneath a leather jacket. She laughed at your comment and did a little twirl for you.

You slapped her arse as she turned and you both started laughing. 

“I gotta impressed your friends” She said giving you a knowing look.

A grin was instantly on your face and you span yourself around to look at the boys who were practically staring at the two of you. You saw a smirk on Matty’s face, and the others were just grinning obviously loving the show that you just put on.

“Guys, this is Ava” You grin, bringing her over to the table.

“We know” George said with amusement written all over his face.

You looked back to Ava slightly confused as to how they already knew her.

“I saw you head into the back with Matty and I thought it was best to tell your friends what you were getting up to” She said with a smirk.

You shook your head and laughed, before going round the table and introducing everyone. “Okay then, this is Adam, George, Matty as you know, and Ross” 

“Nice to meet you all” She smiled down at them and you pulled her to sit down at the booth with them. After you asked Ross to politely shuffle around though.

“So, how do you know each other?” George asked curiously.

“Lesbians” You heard Matty say covering it with a fake cough.

Both you and Ava let out a little laugh at that and you looked round to Matty. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” You teased and ran your tongue over your bottom lip before biting down on it to try and contain your grin. You saw him practically stare at your lips as you did it and you couldn’t contain your grin.

You turned back to George when you heard Ava say, “Y/N wishes” and you let out a laugh.

“No, Ava’s my flatmate and… Ross’ new girlfriend” You announced to them all and Adam practically spat his drink out which made you hold back a laugh.

You looked at Ross beside you and smiled. He didn’t seem to reject the idea at all. 

“So yeah consider yourselves set up” You said before climbing up on the seat and stepping across Ross to sit back beside Matty.

As you sat down beside Matty, his arm immediately went around your shoulder and you smiled looking at Ross and Ava start to chat. Unfortunately, only a matter of minutes later all the boys had to leave the table to set up their stuff.

At that point, you and Ava were sat watching them all set up chatting about them like they weren’t just in front of you.

“I can’t believe you shagged him in the back” She rambled with a grin on her face

“I can’t believe you haven’t taken Ross back there yet” You said, and she laughed.

“I know! I can’t believe how cute he is. And George is hotter in person too” She said, and you smiled shaking your head.

“George is very happily married. Keep to Ross” You told her and she gave you a playful look.

“Do you think Stacy will like Adam?” You asked and Ava’s head practically snapped towards you.

“I thought he had a girlfriend?” She questions, frowning a little.

You shook your head, “Not anymore”

“You realise that they will have gone from sharing a bed and sofas to each of them having a bed for the weekend” Ava pointed out and you let out a loud laugh.

That caught the attention of Matty, who then came back over to you and sat down opposite you. 

“What’s so funny?” He asked with a suspicious look.

“Nothing” You said with a slight smile on your face.

But at the same time Ava said, “I was just giving her ideas about what you can do to her later”

Matty’s eyebrows raised at that revelation and then looked from Ava to you. The look in his eyes made you want to take him home right now. You found him so attractive it was probably unhealthy.

“Anything we’ve done before?” Matty asked.

You smirked and played along, “You know that thing that I’m the best at?” 

You wanted to know if after all these months that you were still the best person he’d been with who’d tied him up.

“Yeah” Matty said without hesitation and you smirked. 

You were happy with the confirmation and carried on not really thinking of a good answer.

“Well, she suggested something even better than that” You said with amused eyes.

You couldn’t even deny that you were excited to get back to your flat. You didn’t think there would be much partying happening when you got back though. Considering more than likely everyone except for George would be in a bed with someone.

At your comment Matty rubbed his hands together before standing back up.

“Looks like my birthday will be getting better and better” He smirked before grabbing the back of your neck and he pulled you into a kiss that took your breath away.

You couldn’t help but smirk into the kiss. You loved the way he just took you when he wanted you. 

He made you feel like you were on fire. You had to be ready for anything and you fucking loved what Matty could do with that tongue.

When he pulled away, he left you wanting more because of the way he nipped at your lip. And he knew how he’d left you because he walked off to finish setting up with the boys with a slight spring to his step. 

You bit your lip and watched as he walked off before turning back to Ava.

She was already looking at you with her jaw agape. 

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen” She said, and you could tell she meant it. 

She looked flustered.

You smiled at her and said a quiet, “Let’s hope Ross is just as good, ey?”

She giggled at that and nudged your shoulder, “If he’s anything like Matty, I should be in for a wild night”

“And you better tell me every fucking detail” You told her, and she promised she would.

Before you knew it, they were up performing, and you were left to watch them in awe. They gained quite a few people standing around them, so you and Ava joined everyone who was stood up.

You really did love their music and you loved their set. They sang some covers too which you really enjoyed but you were like their groupie you were singing along to their songs that nobody else knew.

There were a few new ones that Matty and the boys must have written after you left because you didn’t recognise them at all. They were also amazing though and from what you could gather they were called She Way Out and Settle Down.

It went off when they started singing Girls because after the first few chorus’ most people started to learn the lyrics after that though. You loved that song though along with Chocolate and you probably looked like a right idiot singing their lyrics back at them practically in their faces, but you loved it.

You loved music so much. It just allowed you to escape for a bit. It didn’t matter who you were listening to, if you could just disappear into a crowd of people and just appreciate music it was an amazing feeling. One that you loved even more when you went to concerts of festivals.

Halfway through the set Stacy had found you both and was getting really into the music. When she came over, she first started gushing over George and Ava agreed with her completely about how gorgeous he was.

You tried to stop them, but they made you admit that he was just as good looking as they were stressing he was. And George was fit., but that didn’t stop him from being like your brother. And he was practically married.

You then decided to point Adam out to Stacy, and she took an immediate liking to him. Like you, she was also a sucker for musicians and if literally anyone played the guitar, she would more than likely go for them.

The fact that Adam was a fucking genius when it came to a guitar, it probably made him irresistible to her. From her reaction to his guitar playing alone, you just knew she was going to try and get Adam into bed.

When they finished by playing Sex you loved it. You were actually shocked into silence when you looked back to see the crowd that they had accumulated. You hadn’t seen one of your music nights so busy in a long time.

You found it somewhat emotional that you’d helped them even get a few more fans tonight but seeing how many people were applauding them it made you want to cry. You felt like a proud parent.

“And we’ll see each and every one of you guys tomorrow night when we headline the music festival. We’re The 1975 from Manchester. Goodnight” Matty said into the microphone before he walked back towards George and he gave him a high five from over the drum kit.

You watched with a smile as he walked towards Ross and hugged him then did the same to Adam. You grinned when he made eye contact with you and he came over to your direction.

“That was amazing” You said as your arms went around his neck and his went around your waist. 

You both gave each other a tight squeeze as Matty asked if you enjoyed it.

“I fucking loved it. The new songs are great too” You told him honestly and he grinned at you before he kissed you.

The kiss was one of pure adrenaline and you could feel his excitement as the kiss continued and his tongue found its way into your mouth yet again. His hold on your hips made you want to start grinding against him, as he’d pulled you into his body and you could feel his excitement pressed against you.

You felt yourselves getting carried away when you heard Stacy say, “It’s like I’m watching porn” 

This caused you to practically choke laughing on air that you just didn’t have.

“Can watch us later if you want?” Matty winked at her and you slapped his chest. 

He cackle laughed looking back at you and you shook your head. It would nice to be discussed before it was just offered, but you knew Stacy wouldn’t take him up on the offer anyway. Not when she had her sights on his bandmate.

“You can actually beg for it later” You told Matty with no hint of humour in your voice, but Matty chuckled probably thinking you were joking. 

He was going to be in for a shock when you eventually got back to your flat.

You turned to look back at Stacy and you introduced the two. You point between the two of them as you say, “Matty this is Stacy. Stacy this is Matty” 

“Yeah I’ve heard a lot about you” Stacy said with a smile.

“Really?” Matty asked in amusement, before pulling you by your waist back into his body. “Only good things I hope”

“‘Dirty’ would be the word I would use actually but…” Stacy trailed off with a knowing smile and you couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped your lips.

You turned your head to Matty and told him honestly, “Stacy likes the look of Adam”

“Really?” Matty asked with a smirk looking down at you and then to her.

Stacy nodded and Matty’s smile grew. You already knew exactly what he was thinking, and you couldn’t help but laugh when he said, “Looks like George is sleeping alone tonight”

After the boys packed away, you all had one more drink together at the SU before you all made your way out to the club. Once you got there you all had a great night.

You danced and drank your night away. You danced with Ava and Stacy and then you danced with George when classic songs came on. He entertained you and span you around a few times before you started dancing around in the group again.

Everyone but George was paired up which made you feel guilty, like you were leaving him out so you made an effort to entertain and dance with him when you could. Ava was very much with Ross and Adam seemed to have taken a liking to Stacy, so your girls were very pleased with where their night were headed.

And when you weren’t dancing with George, you were dancing with Matty. Well you were dancing on Matty. You were pressed up against him that much that you may as well be one person.

He moved. You moved. You spent the night attached to him in one way or another. Either at the hips or by the lips.

Your fingers pulled on his hair when his plump lips connected with yours. You were both buzzing with adrenaline for each other and probably from the amount of alcohol in both your systems as well.

His arms went around your neck and crossed over behind your head. He wouldn’t let you escape him, but you really didn’t want to. He was addicting. Your blurry mind was consumed by him.

You could still smell his expensive cologne as the night went on despite you both ending being extremely sweaty. He still smelt heavenly as his arms kept you in place.

Matty pulled your bottom lip between his teeth and then bit down on it slightly before pulling on it in hopes to encourage things to go further. You smirked at the feeling of him do it, but you were in control of what would happen tonight, and he knew it. He was teasing to ask if it was okay and you wanted him to wait a little longer.

You shook your head slightly before kissing him again and your tongue found its way into his mouth. You felt the vibrations of him groaning as you pulled on the back of his curls and that’s when his grip moved from behind your head down your body to rest on your arse.

He squeezed it and you laughed into the kiss. You pulled away for a second and looked into his eyes. You could see the lust in them when you pressed yourself against him and Matty could without a doubt see the humour in yours.

“Please” You watched him mouth and you shook your head again. 

A smile was on your face the entire time and he just planted his lips on yours again which you didn’t mind at all. At least you could get some pleasure whilst you were out in public, and it was sort of socially acceptable.

And that was how you spent most of your night. When you weren’t singing, your tongue was either in his mouth or his was in yours. You were getting each other excited for when you eventually got back to the flat later.

And Stacy and Ava seemed to have the same idea. Multiple times when you put Matty down to take a drink or dance with George they were both getting very well acquainted with their new men for the weekend.

Ava smirked at you when you laughed and nudged her once she’d finished pulling Ross. And Stacy wouldn’t put Adam down. It was so funny to watch both of it unfold. You just felt a bit sorry for George.

However, he was in a loving relationship, so you didn’t feel too bad for him.

At 3am you all slowly left the club and made your way back to the flat with a few other friends that had followed you out. They all ended up coming back to your flat for a very late flat party, but no one seemed to be complaining when the alcohol was flowing once more.

By this point it was 4am and Matty was whispering and pleading with you to go to your bedroom. And you were loving every second of it.

When you all initially got into your flat, he tried to drag you straight into your bedroom, but you had none of that. This caused his disappointment to grow, especially when he saw Stacy lead Adam straight into her room.

Whist you were making everyone more drinks, Matty was stood behind you with his mouth attached to the skin on your neck. He was playing with it and biting it hoping to lead you astray and despite the pleasure it gave you, you didn’t give in then either.

About 10 minutes after that, when he watched Ava take Ross away, he practically growled down your ear pleading for you to take him to your room. You did almost give in at that point but then George pulled out a drinking game which caught your attention for another 20 minutes.

You watched and felt as Matty grew more and more agitated. You’d been building him up to this point all night and you had him right where you wanted him.

“Y/N please” Matty said lowly as his lips brushed against your ear.

You were ready to give him what he wanted but you decided to play for a minute longer. “I’ve got people to entertain” You turned to him and said in a hushed tone.

“I can entertain you. In different ways” Matty told you and you could see him begging with his eyes.

You held the smile back from your face and moved slightly closer to him asking “Yeah? Like what?”

Matty then proceeded to tell you a series of things he would do to you once you got into your bedroom and it started to sound like it was your birthday not his. You’d be the one receiving everything.

As he whispered all these dirty things into your ear you bit your lip. It was one of the hottest things you’d ever heard, and you loved how he kept purposefully brushing his lips against your ear.

As he spoke you let yourself get excited and you grabbed his hand. Once he’d finished spilling his dirty thought he looked towards and you could see he was completely yours.

“Come on Y/N/N. Please” Matty begged and you could hear the desperation in his voice. It was like he was in pain.

You smile and say a soft, “Okay” before you stand up.

Matty practically jumped up and followed you to your room where he then proceeded to make you feel like you were the only thing on earth that mattered. You felt like he was worshipping you and your body.

And by the time you’d both eventually finished, you were both exhausted and lay together in a sweaty mess, it definitely wasn’t Matty’s birthday anymore. But you could tell that he’d had the best birthday ever and you were by far his favourite present.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @the-girl-before @friends-dont-lie-asshole @lololovestaylor @murderousginger @peachquestions @siwiecola @nostalgic1975 @fairyyyfloss @theycallmenefi @colette2194 @maroonmolly @sexycleopatra @mrsprescott @fullmoonremus @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes

Let me know if you want to be tagged x

[tetrakys]

About Ikemen Vampire...

I finally got around to do the Ikemen Vampire first impressions post no one asked for, but I said I would do.

I’ve had the app on my phone for a while now, I mostly login and do the minigame to pile up on points and diamonds, but I’ve also played the butler event and a few chapters of Napoleon’s route.

FYI I only red a couple of spoilers on one route, so I’m jumping into this completely blind. Here we go.

The Premise:

A bunch of famous men from history turned vampires all living in the same mansion during a specific time in the past. On one side this is kinda interesting, on the other I know too much about many of these people (including their real aspect) to not face-palm every time I read their names, that’s why it took me so long to start this game. I knew it would need some getting used to it, and I have to admit I still find it strange at times. But well...

MC is, at least for now, the typical japanese otome game MC, so nothing exciting here, but maybe she will get gutsier moving forward? One can only hope. At least I like her love for travelling and she seems to know several languages.

Anyway if I’d been in her place, spending one month in the past with all these famous historical figures around, like hell I would’ve accepted to be a maid. I would’ve spent the whole time exploring and interviewing, I would’ve cut a deal with Le Comte, I’m sure he would’ve said yes. 

Anyway, let’s get to the guys, knowing that I’m an otome hoe and of course the plan is to get with all them (except maybe one). Team harem always for the win.

Ei fu.   Siccome immobile, Dato il mortal sospiro, Stette la spoglia immemore Orba di tanto spiro, Così percossa, attonita5 La terra al nunzio sta, ...

99% of the people reading won’t know what this is about. It’s one of the most important italian poems ever, it was written to celebrate Napoleon Bonaparte, it’s called Il Cinque Maggio (the date of Napoleon’s death... or in this case... resurrection as a vampire?). It’s huge, 108 verses, and I had to learn the whole thing by memory in school. It was so painful that it stuck with me to this day. That’s why I have a sort of love/hate relationship with the man.

But I decided to start with him for two reasons: I find this version of him hot and mysterious and I know his sexy scene is free so... who am I to turn down sexy times for free??

His back story of being half human half vampire is interesting and I am curious to see where this is going. I’m also curios to see how much cybird is sticking to history because the emperor had an interesting life to say the least. Including two wives, which I don’t want to think about because I am extremely jealous of all my otome boyfriends so I hope they are going to ignore this detail.

Yeah... no... this is so wrong... the guy died in exile in St Elena after failing to get his power back, speculations say that maybe he was even poisoned. It wasn’t a peaceful death and definitely he had regrets. 

I feel like I am putting too much thought into this and I should take the game as if these are just random people.

Anyway, Napoleon the character has a really pretty design, I love his eyes and his mysterious aura, and he looks like the honorable knight type. I hope he has also a kinky side because that’s how I roll and too good is not exactly my thing. He said he’s not attracted to MC pfff.... bullshit of course. We’ll see.

I don’t have much to say about Mozart because I’ve seen very little of him. I like his design, he seems to be the cold and slightly asshole type which I generally like, but too cold could put me off. If they’re going for any realism at all there could maybe be some daddy issues in his route?

This was the route that originally interested me the most because Leonardo was a genius and he’s the closest to home. Let’s ignore the fact that people keep using Da Vinci as if it was his surname WHICH IS NOT ,“da” means “from” and “Vinci” is a town, Leonardo from Vinci, he didn’t have a surname because he was a natural son. But other than that, there are two main points that make me consider skipping his route altogether. 

First of all, this is the only spoiler I have about the game, I know this story is sad whatever the ending, and I don’t do sad in my escapism. I only want happy endings, people may not agree but that’s my personal philosophy for playing these games.

Second, that “cara mia” triggers my rage every time I read it. As I explained in another post, “cara mia” is paternalistic and kinda offensive, “mia cara” is the sweet, caring one. The writers picked the wrong one and it’s soooo annoying to read. Especially because he repeats it quite a lot.

So, I’m not 100% sure yet, but this might be the first time in my history as an otome-player that I skip a route.

This. Adorable. Rascal. He might be the second route I play after Napoleon because I can’t wait to banter with this guy (if MC’s personality allows it). 

He seems as smart as his real counter-part and I like it.

I find a little annoying that he speaks like someone pretending to be British, it seems like the writers tried too hard, but what he says is kinda hilarious and I want him to (try to) bite me 👀

I assume they didn’t go completely with the realistic route here, otherwise Vincent should be a little coo coo, but the guy was sensitive and fragile and it seems that this was somehow preserved in the character. He has both ears though, so he probably isn’t completely suicidal. 

However he seems the totally sugary sweet type which is really not my thing. But I also heard he has one of the hottest sexy scenes in the game so colour me intrigued 👀

THIS! This is my man! I don’t know why I always fall for the tsundere, it’s not like I’m a masochist and like to be mistreated, but I like the bantering and I hope that MC is going to be cool enough to allow me to reply to him in tone. I really want to fight with him! 👀

Also, he’s sexy, and the fact that I know absolutely nothing about him, helps me not feeling annoyed by whatever it has been done to the character. 

I don’t know what to expect from his route. Does he have a brother complex? Is he jealous because his brother is a genius and he was a simple merchant? Why were they both turned? So many questions. Give me this beautiful asshole’s route soon cybird!

I know nothing about him too, but there’s something in him that irks me. He has a sort of paternalistic attitude, too many compliments, too polite... Also, that kimono has a strange fit.

On the positive side he seems protective and I like his quirkiness, so we’ll see.

Newton is the one that, together with Leonardo, interested me the most for pure principle. And, in this case, I am quite satisfied. I like his aesthetics and personality-wise he seems similar to Mozart, quiet, distant type. We’ll see.

I keep wondering why they turned a female character male, they could’ve added a wlw route. Anyway, I won’t complain because look-wise I like him the most out of everyone. The eye patch intrigues me, I like his style and I find him really beautiful. I know though that his route is the least sexy and that’s a bummer. I am curious about him and his route and wonder if he also hears voices in his head.

In this case I’m pretty sure we’re far away from the real person. William the character is the yandere of the group and even the other vampires seem a little preoccupied by him. I wonder if his route is maybe a little dangerous, I’m intrigued.

Mmm... I know I’m going to attract the disappointment of his many fans but I don’t like Saint-Germain. He’s handsome yes, but the one thing I hate in LIs is fakeness and duplicity, and I feel it with every bone in my body this guy is a liar. He emanates the same vibes as Lucien and Leiftan. There’s so much you’re hiding Comte, and you don’t fool me one bit! Also, his colour palette is too yellow for my tastes.

Sebastian is just boring to me. I don’t know.... he looks and sounds so plain. I hope there is some big mystery behind and that he will show more personality because at the moment he’s just meh. Also he can’t be just a simple, unknown human there must be something else (I hope).

So, currently, the characters who interest me are: Theo, Arthur, Isaac, Napoleon, Jean, William, Wolfgang 

While Vincent, Sebastian, Dazai, Leonardo and Comte all follow at the back of the queue.

Let’s see after a couple of months of playing if my opinions change.

And btw I’ve seen the three new vampires and they look so much cooler than all the main ones combined! I can’t wait for their routes to come out.

[mvsas]

Flora's Chat, April 21, 2005 (4Kidz).

Host says: Good day everyone. Welcome to our second celeb chat session. This time around we have Flora from the Winx Club joining us.

Host says: Flora is here, she's just sitting down with her tea.

Host says: And here she is!

Host says: Welcome Flora.

Flora says: Hello!

Flora says: *Flora smiles waves hello

Host says: We're excited to have you here.

Host says: So I'll open the floor to questions.

Flora says: Thank you!

Winx_girl44 says: Hi Flora I have a question, why don't you have a boyfriend

Flora says: Ummm... (blushing) I guess the right guy just hasn't come along yet!

mg_winxclub says: Hi Flora! I'm your biggest fan! I have to ask you, what's your favorite flower scent?

Flora says: Hi -- ummm, well I really love jasmine, and plumeria

WinxGirl99 says: Flora, i see you have a tulip icon next to your name... What is your favorite flower?

Flora says: I really love gerbera daisies, and I love indigo moon blooms

Flora says: But really, I love all flowers

Queen Renee` Bridget 7891 says: Are you to be queen when you get 20?

Flora says: No -- I am a princess, but my parents still rule the realm.

Flora says: I hope they'll be there long after I turn 20

cutiepieangel_06 says: Flora who do u think is your best friend?

Flora says: Ummm.. well, I can't really pick a favorite -- I like all the girls of the Winx Club

Flora says: I room with Bloom though, so we might be a smige closer

winxNwitches says: Flora what witch do u dislike the most

Flora says: OHHHH -- I think Icy -- well, all of them are pretty bad -- I mean so much bad karma!

fashionfairy says: Flora, what does your planet look like?

Flora says: It's wonderful, and totally green in a lot of places

Flora says: there are lots and lots of different environments on the 5th moon

Flora says: something for every type of plant you can imagine

Txdancer says: so have you see a dragin

Flora says: Yeah -- they have them at Red Fountain, and we've gone to see the stables

lilbabygrl says: When did you first discover your powers?

Flora says: Oh -- I've had them since I was a baby -- everyonbe has them in my realm

winx777 says: which plant food would you MOST recomend for flowers and plants??????

Flora says: well, we have onein my home realm called Fizzle's

Flora says: but I don't think you have it on Earth

Flora says: So I think composted dirt is great, and eggshells in the plant water helps provide minerals too

fashionfairy says: flora, when is your birthday?

Flora says: Mar 16th

winxNwitches says: what is your fave color?

Flora says: I love green (and pink)!

lrb98 says: Flora,what's your favorite animal?Mines a lion!

Flora says: Ohhh -- I love all animals, but I really love dolphins , oh, and butterflies

winx-angel says: Whos your best friend?

Flora says: Umm, like I said before, I think I might be a weensy bit closer to Bloom, 'cause she's my roomie

Juliet says: What your parents names?

Flora says: Well, I just call them Mom and Dad ...

Flora says: And officially they are the High King and Queen of the 5th Moon of Marigold

TattooedPixie says: Flora, did you like to climb trees when you were younger?

Flora says: Of course -- You'd think I was half monkey! Tee hee!

Flora says: There are tons of trees that are excellent to climb in my realm!

winx777 says: I don't like climbing trees. I think it hurts them!

Flora says: Well, the ones on my realm can talk, and they don't mind

Flora says: as long as you don't break their branches, or scratch them.

Flora says: So I think it's alright if you ask them

mg_winxclub says: Have you heard from the Junior League lately?

Flora says: Yep -- I try to keep in touch

Flora says: They're always doing such great things for the Black Mud Swamp, so I'll visit from time to time

mg_winxclub says: That's great!

wiggels says: flora what do you like the best about alfea?

Flora says: I would have to say the other girls -- I mean, really -- they're what makes it so awesome

Mimi Imhotep Winxgirl163: Have you ever been to Earth?

Flora says: Nope- not yet , but maybe someday I can go

wiggels says: i wish i was a winx girl

mewichigotomboy says: whats your fave subject at alfea

Flora says: It's a lot of fun!

Flora says: Umm -- I would say, without a doubt...

Flora says: Potions, 'cause we get to use lots of herbs in class

Glam Gal: What's your fave thing to do in your free time?

Flora says: I generally like hanging out with my plants -- I adore taking care of them

Flora says: so I do that a lot

Flora says: and I love working on new potions to help them grow

Glittergurl says: does it feel weired to be a winx

Flora says: Not at all -- I mean, I have had Winx all my life, so I have never been different

Flora says: so it's not at all wierd to me

Flora says: I think it would be way harder for someone like Bloom

#1Flower says: How old were you when you first joined Alfea

Flora says: who didn't know she had winx

Flora says: Oh -- I was 16 when I started here

Chibi Naru says: Flora, may I ask you if you enjoy blasting things? -attempts the nice tactic-

Flora says: Well -- I kinda like it a little bit, but then I soemtimes feel bad about it after

Flora says: Sorry for the poor spelling -- I am a little nervous!

mg_winxclub says: Do you have a favorite holiday Flora?

Flora says: Earth Day -- and it's tomorrow

winx777 says: DO you LOVE spring?

Flora says: I do -- it's when everything comes out in bloom when realms have seasons

Flora says: apparently Tecna's realm doesn't have them

Josie says: do boys have wings

Flora says: I think there are some realms where they do

ShaRinee' says: When you get ready to fight do you fell nervous?

Flora says: Yeah -- I get really really nervous -- I think it would be better if we didn't have to fight at all

Flora says: I mean - everyone could just chill and talk it out y'know

Flora says: but that doesn't always happen

winxNwitches says: Whats your favorite food?

Flora says: I love anything organic! And vegatarian!

Flora says: oops -- spelled that wrong too sorry

mewichigotomboy says: what do you think of the message board

Flora says: I think it's wonderful!

Flora says: It's cool to check out what everyone has posted

Josie says: do you have a chrush on anyone at red fountin please try to answar

Flora says: sorry to say... no. I mean, I like the guys as friends, but right now, that's about it

Glittergurl says: do u like music

Flora says: Yeah I do! And there have been a lot of studies done to show how music helps plants grow

Flora says: -- so does talking to them btw...

Flora says: So I'm all for it!

flowersfall says: whats your favortie plant please answer

Flora says: I love lots of different plants -- but I really like a tree called the madrone

Flora says: I think it grows on Earth too --

Flora says: It can shed it's bark, and it has leaves that stay green all year long

winx777 says:

Catrina says: Flora, my back hurts and itches sometimes. Am I growing wings? I thought I'd ask you since your a farie.

Flora says: Ummm -- I'm not sure -- It never hurt when it happened to me -- I just got a tingling feeling,

Flora says: but if it hurts, maybe you should see your doctor...

Princesss says: i really like this flower called the periwinkle flower.it has a 99% chance of saving somebody fom cancer.i learned about it in skool.

Flora says: I heard about that too.... There are tons of plants that can help people in sooo many ways

Flora says: and we're just learning about all the wonderful, magical things they can do.

Zoey91 says: Was it hard to turn Merta into a girl from a pumkin?

Flora says: Yeah -- it took a long time and I had to concentrate harder than I ever had before

Flora says: I almost didn't think I was going to be able to do it...

Flora says: but I managed to do it

Winx_girl44 says: What would you give to your mom on Mother's Day?

Flora says: well, when I'm at home, I love to make her a garland of flowers and take her breakfast in bed.

Flora says: I know she gets all kinds of gifts, being a queen and everything, but she says she likes that gift the best

lrb98 says: what's your favorite type of tea?

Flora says: I love almost all herbal teas, and I really like licorice

Mimi Imhotep Winxgirl163: Do you like marigolds?

Flora says: I do -- I was just reading about them in my book!

Flora says: I think they are really special little plants.

Flora says: Did you know that most spieces of marigolds are edible? _ the flowers I mean

Flora says: Just be sure you know for SURE they are marigolds before you try eating them -- oh and make sure they're not sprayed

Zoey91 says: want is your favorite class and why?

Flora says: I Love potions -- and like I said before, I like it because we do a lot of work with herbs

IceAngel says: Do you have pestisides on your planet for your plants?

Flora says: No -- they're not allowed on my planet, we have different ways of controlling the bugs

Flora says: like letting lady bugs eat aphids

Glam Gal says: Do you think the girls on the message boards (And me) could have Winx>

Flora says: and that's part of your winx

winx-angel says: I really need help with choosing a flower for my mom's B-day...

Flora says: oh --- well -- roses are a wonderful way to say I love you, but a single stem orchid is great as well -- plus they last a long time when they are cut

Flora says: the orchids - not the roses, I mean

Josie says: flora,please answar me um i planted for get me nots what kind of music would they like please answar back asap if you can

Flora says: umm -- well, most plants seem to really like any type of classical music,

Flora says: but studies have shown they don't respond as well to hard rock (sorry all you hard rock fans!)

Host says: Just a reminder that Flora can't answer everyones question but she'll do the best she can.

uzma44 says:

mg_winxclub says: Sorry for asking so many questions, but I'm such a huge fan, have a Winx Club website and everything. I have to run, but I'm SOOOO HAPPY you were here today to chat with us! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flora says: Thank you -- and everyone for participating!

Flora says: It's so sweet that you like me!

Flora says: *Flora blushes

Glam Gal says: I'm moving to a new house soon... I;m gonna really miss my current house. Can you please help me stop my fear of missing my house? It's close enough to still stay in my current school so please no help saying good-bye, but can you help me not miss my current home?

Flora says: Well, I wish I could make you not miss it at all, but it's really natural that you do miss it

Flora says: but make your new home your own by decorating your room

Flora says: with stuff that you really love. Plant some new friends, then go outside, and try to make some human firends too.

Flora says: Hopefully you'll feel at home in no time. Hope that helps

lrb98 says: What's better-Tofu or pizza?

Glam Gal says: Thanks Flora! SO SORRY FOR SORTA BEGGGING!!! *Blushes even more*

Flora says: well -- tofu has more protein in it, and can be a really healthy choice (and it can taste pretty yum too!),

Flora says: but that's not to say I don't like a good slice from time to time

lilbabygrl says: Do you like your name?i really like it.

Flora says: Thank you -- I do too -- it used to be my great grandmothers name

Flora says: some people think it's old fashioned, but I like it

lilbabygrl says: do you enjoy Alfea?

Flora says: I do -- it's really a great place to be

Flora says: I learn tons of stuff in class, and most of all, I love my friends there

neonbluemoon says: hey flora my friend katie thinks yur the coolest shes upset cause her pc is broken so she cant talk to you do you wanna say anything too her?

Flora says: Sure -- I Katie -- sorry you couldn't come -- maybe see ya posting on the boards -- Peace out Katie!

lrb98 says: Do you like scary movies?I do!

Flora says: No -- they kinda freak me out -- so they're not my fave

Flora says: I'm more a romantic comedy type girl myself

friendsmagic says: Do you like learning new spells and stuff?

Flora says: Yeah -- I really like learning new stuff -- and you never know when something you learned might come in handy

Zoey91 says: has kiko eaten any of your plants?

Flora says: Yep -- Kiko is one hungry little bunny!

Flora says: He tried to eat my talking plant one time, and the plant screamed and nearly woke up the whole school!

Flora says: I decided it was best to plant him some carrots of his own

Flora says: That way he didn't eat mine!

penaazkhan says: Hi bloom

neonbluemoon says: flora if you liked a guy what would he be like?

Host says: Bloom's not here

Host says: That was two weeks ago. :)

Flora says: well, I would like a guy who was sweet and thoughtful

Flora says: And I guess I would prefer it if he liked nature too,

Flora says: Being cute wouldn't hurt either, but looks aren't everything

IceAngel says: What do you think of Riven?

Flora says: Umm.. sometimes he pulls this attitude, and I can't say I like that...

Flora says: but I've also seen him be ok too...

Flora says: so, let's just say I'm undecided

neonbluemoon says: flora i think yur so cool i like everything about you could you tell tecna i like her ALOT to?

Flora says: Sure I will, and thanks...

fashionfairy says: Flora, do you like fashion?

Flora says: Yeah -- I do like fashion, and I really like environmentally conscious stuff

fashionfairy says: I love your outfits the best!

Flora says: like organic cotton, and linen

lrb98 says: what's a lyrid meteor shower?

Flora says: oh -- that's a meteor shower - Lyrid is the name of it.

Flora says: Tecna says it's named after a greek goddess Lyra

Flora says: and there are tons of shooting stars when the showers are on

Flora says: Really beautiful to watch!

shiara says: do you think that the witches will ever leave Bloom alone?

Flora says: Gosh -- I'm really not sure.

Flora says: I really hope they will, but they really want her powers!

mewmewmint says: You are so smart, Flora! Especially about plants and flowers!

Flora says: thanks

shimmeringstar says: what is yor favorite type of music

Flora says: ummm.. I like a lot of stuff -- right now I'm listening to reggae

Flora says: I like it cause it's pretty up beat

Flora says: I find that helps me to stay optimistic

nicole2005 says: Why is the dragon fire is important?

Flora says: well, the dragon fire was the same powersource used by the Great Dragon, who created the magical universe

shiara says: Is there a Alfea Elementary school?

Flora says: No -- mostly people go to elementary school in their home realms

Flora says: they're too young to go to schools that are away from their parents

Flora says: and Alfea is a boarding school -- so you need to be older

Petti_Angel says: What would you do if one of your friends are in trouble?

Flora says: I would help them! I would do anything I could to help my friends

Winx_girl44 says: Do you like the theme song in your show? 'Close your eyes, and open your heart-'

Flora says: I do like that song -- because it really talks about what finding your Winx is all about

Flora says: you've got to trust and believe in yourself for good things to happen for yourself

Host says: Good questions everyone. Flora has to leave pretty soon. But we have time for two more questions.

shiara says: I am in my school musical and I am the lead opening night is tomarrow and I am so nervouse can u give me advice?

Flora says: That's fantastic!

Flora says: YOu'll be great -- I know you've probably practiced a lot -- so now you just have to believe in yourself

Flora says: you go girl! ( I hope you are a girl -- if not sorry -- you go boy!)

shiara says: thanx see you all later and I am a girl

Flora says: Good luck!

lrb98 says: What would you chose?-POwer or friends?

TattooedPixie says: Good luck Shiara and congratulations on getting the lead opening! You must really be great

Flora says: Hahaha -- Bloom said someone asked her that too -- and my answer is the same -- friends -- anyday of the week!

winx-angel says: Yep, good luck shiara!

Host says: Sorry everyone. I know you have more questions, but Flora needs to go now. It was a great chat session.

Host says: Thank you to everyone for coming and thank you Flora for answering our questions.

Flora says: Thanks everyone. It was really great being here.

Host says: I hope you can come visit us again another time.

Flora says: I was kinda nervous -- but everyone here was soo nice -- thanks

Flora says: Thanks a lot!

Flora says: *Flora smiles and waves goodbye

Host says: *Host waves goodbye.

Host says: Keep your eyes on the message board for further announcements.

Host says: We will have more celeb chats with others in the near future.

Host says: We hope to get Stella next time!

[papistark]

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

[majdalenaska]

Up in the air aka glorified waitress

Today it’s been exactly two years since I officially started my cabin crew journey and working for Norwegian Air, hence I‘ve decided to start a blog. Let’s see how it goes..

Below I describe my 6 days‘ trip down route. I hope you will enjoy it a bit and get a little glimpse into my flying world.

I’m talking to a young girl in the elevator; she looks at me in my uniform and says: „Wow, you are a cabin crew? Well, in fact she meant to say : „ Wow you are so lucky, you get to travel the whole world“!

That made me smile, but deep down I thought, hmm that’s a bit of  an overstatement.

No, really, many of my friends have a bit biased ideas about this world of flying and what it really feels like to work on a plane. Initially, I was very naive as well, not having a clue as to how I was going to feel on board, how I was going to interact with passengers from different countries and cultures who speak languages that I might not understand. What it is like  meeting a different crew every single flight - a bunch of folks who you have never met before, and  having to pretend you are proficient enough to provide excellent customer service.

No one can prepare you for the actual flight and being on board. The jetlagg, the anxiety, stress and fatique but with time it all goes away and you get used to it, somehow.

But, on the other hand, who can say they’ve had a steak for dinner in one of the most famous restaurant in Buenos Aires and danced Tango with one of the locals? Or who gets to experience flying in the skies at 39 000 ft every week using a Dreamliner 787 as their office? And  getting paid for all the traveling around the world? To sum it up all, I’d say my life is kinda up and down, literally.

This week I’ve had a 6 days‘ trip: London-New York-Madrid-New York-Madrid-London, sounds awful, doesn’t it? It is kind of an odd pattern but since we cover the workload of other bases, we have to be ready anytime for anything. This is aviation! Sometimes you never know where you could be flying next.

28.8./ 8:20 CET- London Gatwick            

         I meet my crew at Costa coffee at Gatwick and first introductions can begin. There are over 800 crews in Norwegian, so in most cases you will see everyone for the first time, and there is a little chance that you will be flying with someone you’ve already met before. I really appreciate when I see someone I’ve worked with on my previous flights, so there is a slight possibility. I’m feeling a bit awkward, I don’t seem to know anyone. I am not keen on small talk but there is no other choice. The flight crew aren‘t looking very happy today but maybe a smile from  cabin crew will cheer them up.

Together we are headed on board and in the forward cabin (PREMIUM) we have a quick briefing before the flight. Our senior assigns positions of the door which we are responsible for. Together we talk through all emergency questions and also discuss first aid topics. The Captain provides us with information regarding turbulences and the flight time, which is the only information everyone’s been waiting for. I’m feeling tired, didn’t have a good night’s sleep , but once the meal service starts, I am ready to go. The flight runs relatively smoothly, we do have an enormous bunch of orders though, which is not ideal, if there are only 8 cabin crew in total. Flights, especially to NYC, are ridicilously busy sometimes.

   We finish the service and half the crew can hit the crew rest, which is located at the rear of the cabin. It’s my turn so I can get myself into the little bunk, close my eyes trying to get some rest;this is so far the best part of the flight. If anyone of my readers has ever flown on a Boeing 787 before - please keep reading. You can find the lavatories on the other side of the crew rest and if you see the sign CABIN CREW ONLY , please stay away, this is definitely not a lavatory. You might wonder why I mention this, but 99% of our passengers do try to open our doors and fail miserably.

Anyway, we get to New York city around 1 PM local time (18.00 CET), and since this airport is one of the busiest airports out there we sometimes spend around 45 minutes taxing to the gate and waiting and waiting… (the worst part of a flight)

15:30 local time/ 20 : 30 CET – New York City

Two hours later, we finally reach our hotel in Manhattan; the whole journey from the airport can take up to 1 hour. But we stay in a hotel in Manhattan, so no one complains really. Everyone gets to their rooms and we talk about what to do later. We plan a rooftop bar in Brooklyn, but it starts raining, bummer. I take a shower and a short nap, since later I plan on going to Whole Foods with one of my colleagues. Shouldn’t have done that; after waking up I feel so drained that I am only capable of going downstairs for a pizza at the corner.

The pizza tastes delicious though and I put a Netflix on, unwind and relax. At 8 o´clock I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and I fall asleep. At 2 am I wake up and lie around in bed till 5 am. Thank you jet lag! Being an experienced flight attendant, however, I do have my morning routine. I do a bit of yoga, meditate and head for the coast to have a jog, which works perfect for jetlagg issues. You usually need a buddy who will drag you out of the bed, though. This time I pulled it off on my own!

It really feels amazing to be jogging along the Hudson river at 7 am, passing thrilled New Yorkers with their dogs and strollers, thinking about how awesome it might be to actually live here. After a while, I sit on a bench, listen to music and admire the views over Manhattan and get carried away. I come for a run here every single morning.

   Back at the hotel, I go downstairs to have breakfast and meet the rest of my crew. A big breakfast makes me  tired once again, so no big plans for today, I’m afraid. But maybe  I could manage some shopping in Century 21 and a lunch in Whole foods? ( BTW This place is awesome, just don’t get too carried away, otherwise you’ll be crying at the till.) Later we fly back to Madrid and I desperately long for a good night’s sleep. Tough luck, though.

I play a meditation video to calm me down but it’s pointless.

   29.8/21:15 local time( 02:15 CET)- New York City

It’s not ideal to start your flight at 3 am European time, as you can imagine. Anyway, in the world of flight attendants you get used to anything…anything at all. One hour on a bus to the airport, one hour taxing to the gate…man, I am drained. I am sitting on my jumpseat about 50 minutes and there are 3 passengers sitting opposite  me.( Cabin crew  must smile no matter what, so wakey wakey Magdalena!) Luckily all  the passengers are asleep so I can relax. The flight is stress and turbulence free and it only takes  6 hours and 30 minutes,yay. Well, sometimes it is rather enjoyable. Although every flight is utterly different, to be honest. Fatique, arguments with passengers, arguments with  crew, fainting passengers, drunk passengers…take your pick. But, hooray, today no one has vomitted on me and I haven‘t spilled any drinks on anyone. Not yet, at least.

30.8/14:35 local time - Madrid

We are thrilled arriving in Madrid. My idea of the upcoming days looks like this: The sun, the pool and chill. I leave my uniform in the hotel room and in the evening I meet my colleagues from Hungary and Poland. Together we set off towards the center of Madrid. The plan is to stroll around the city and get some Tapas and Sangria. We are lucky enough to be guided by one of our colleagues who is local in Madrid.

He shows us a few places of interests. I am mainly excited by the beautiful park called Cuarttel de la Montana, which gives you a stunning view over the city. We can‘t possibly finish our evening in Madrid without visiting the local Chocolateria San Gines, where the best Churros is made. The next day we explore the shopping mall next door, and spend a great time relaxing at the pool and regaining energy for the upcoming night flight.

31.8./18:25 local time

All bags packed and prepared, I am headed down to the lobby to meet my crew. We are flying back to New York City, which I am not really keen on, due to my poor sleep on the  East Coast. Interestingly, lately I‘ve preferred flying to the West coast of USA where I don’t have a major issue with jetlagg and sleep.( Though it only took  a year and half to get used to all those time differences, haha.)  We have a nice flight, the only trouble being  that almost 80% of all passengers are Spanish speaking, so we send our only Spanish speaking colleague L. everywhere we can. L. is not that excited about the situation. We have a small issue with a passenger who  refuses to give up on her own meal with nuts. Unfortunately for her, we have a passenger on board, who is allergic to nuts and hence it’s strictly forbidden to be eating anything containing nuts. But Mrs. B. is not happy about that and complains that she only eats foods that are vegan, gluten free an organic and we can’t really provide that from our snack bar, according to her. I try my best explaining and offering something else but in the end I have to call my senior. We bribe her with a freshly made coffee which is the only thing  she is willing to consume. Anyway, at the end of the flight. Mrs. B opens up her own meal box risking an anaphylactic shock for the poor passenger. Fortunately, nothing happens and her meal doesn‘t trigger an allergic reaction. It really feels  utterly frustrating that although we do our best to explain the seriousness of the situation, Mrs. B. ignores everything we say and put the life of a co - passenger at a risk. I think it is outrageous  how some people are so ignorant and arrogant. Yet, there‘s so much more a cabin crew can come up against  and have to deal with.( I just can‘t really stress enough the  importance of  working on yourself, your resiliance and patience, to be able to face all those kinds of challenges without ever losing your head and nerve.)

Another situation comes up with a lady  complaining about not getting a seat in exit row , where she can hang up a bassinet for her baby during the flight. Since she only speaks spanish, my colleague L.  apologizes to her saying that they must have made a mistake at the check in desk and she will have to take another seat unfortunately.

Service is taking ages and is not pleasant at all, no one can understand me, but eventually I am good to go with Vino Bianco and Vino Rosso. Spanish is not that difficult after all.

We get to the Manhattan hotel at  around 1 am in the morning, which is 6 am European time. Having an alcoholic beverage goes aside and I am only focused on my beautiful bed on 23rd floor. I am so tired  I would happily stay in that cosy warm bed until tomorrow’s pick up. But I forget I am at East coast so I am up at 6.30 heading for  breakfast. I don’t feel like running today, apologies Hudson river. After breakfast I feel drowsy again, I roll in the bed and put on some Netflix. I get my lunch in Preta Manger nearby and go back to my hotel room. You‘re thinking right, jetlagg is not an easy beast sometimes.

1.9 /21.15 local tme- 02.15 CET- New York

Here comes the very last working flight of this pattern and we are going back to Madrid, yay, feels like Dejavu. On the way to the JFK airport everyone falls asleep since it takes about an hour to get there and it is quite late in the evening. What is the best thing about night flights? Almost every passenger is fast asleep before the take off, awesome! We have a quiet time in both galleys and  the flight only takes 6,5 hours, which is a big plus of NYC flights. Compared it with Buenos Aires, which is about 13 hours from London Gatwick, a bit of a  difference, eh?

2.9. /12:59 CET – Madrid

We’ve arrived in Madrid but our flight back to London Gatwick is due in 5 hours. We are lucky enough to  have our hotel booked for us so we can refresh and relax for a bit. We don’t operate this flight- it is called DEADHEADING, which means, that we fly as passengers in our civil clothes. We get to Gatwick around 7.30 in the evening and everything seems great. There wasn’t any delay, no baggage was lost, everything is as should be.  Around 10 o’clock in the evening I get home and order a pizza and a beer from Deliveroo. Unpacking my suitcase can wait till tomorrow - I fall into my cosy bed and I am not getting out of it for the next 12 hours.

[098lnr3m-blog]

I really need a cheap auto car insurance?

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[atopearth]

Final Fantasy X HD Remaster Part 8 - Someday the Dream will End

(Thought it’d be a great title since the above is my favourite soundtrack and this is my last post on FFX! XD)

Yay! I got Lulu’s Venus sigil! I was hesitant to start the dodging lightning thing since you have to dodge 200 in a row, but omg, after going on YouTube and knowing that there’s a ditch where you can easily gather the rhythm to do it 200 times, it only surprisingly took me like an hour and a half after getting distracted a few times and failing lmao. Gotta say though, much easier than the stupid Chocobo race for Tidus!🙄 Next thing you know, I try the butterfly catching game for the Saturn sigil and start to contemplate whether I really want to be a perfectionist lmao. I totally forgot that I hate the butterfly game the most, like THE MOST. It’s literally frustrating me more than the Chocobo and lightning combined, I don’t know why everyone on the internet says it’s the easiest of the mini games😣😣 Okay, fine, after another half an hour with trial and error, I finally got the Saturn sigil too, not that bad I guess….

Finally got all the celestial weapons too yeee~ I’ve never gotten everything before so I’m pretty happy right now hahaha! So Yu Yevon is the one that’s been constantly causing this all for a thousand years, hiding within Sin using him as an armour, and then when people defeat Sin with the powers Yunalesca tells them about, he merges with the Final Aeon to continue this cycle of life and death. I guess when everything works out, it’ll be good, but once they defeat Sin, the Fayth will stop dreaming and Tidus will disappear… It’s kinda funny how you used to be all concerned about Yuna dying and now near the end of the game, you instead have to be concerned over Tidus disappearing instead. Why can’t they just be happy together sigh..

Well! I legit spent a day farming sphere levels for Rikku and Tidus to finish off the sphere grid getting all the strength and agility nodes but omggg, can I just say that having triple AP instead of double AP is like the biggest difference ever? LOL. And omg overdrive -> AP is like the best thing ever. So easy to level lol. Funniest thing was when Don Tonberry did 83k damage on my Tidus though hahahaah, did I really kill that many monsters with him🤣 But yeah, it’s cool that I’m progressing with my sphere grid but I’m kinda sad that I’m one hit KOing everything lol. I mean, this is the first time I’ve ever gotten so far in FFX so I feel like I’m killing my experience haha! But I really want to fight nemesis and penance and all the dark aeons so oh well. Btw, it’s because I OHKO Seymour in Sin and didn’t get to see him do anything with his cool music hahaha. At least Yuna finally sent him to the farplane lol. Anyway, back to farming monsters, just need to finish Sin and Omega Ruins and I’m doneeee!

GG though, Omega Ruins took sooo long (I guess Sin did too) but dang was it annoying lol. So anyway, after much leveling with Don Tonberry again, and getting all the strength, defence, magic, magic defence, agility, luck and fortune spheres, I am legit done with the whole sphere grid! I’m honestly not dedicated enough to do 255 everything, so since 255 luck = 255 accuracy and evasion, I am not going to bother lolll. Agility maxes out at 170 as well so yayyy, don’t need to farm moreeee. I’ve legit been spending my week doing all this lmao, watching TVB and farming, that’s been my life hahaha. It’s kinda crazy seeing myself finish all this though. It was super time consuming but it’s nice to see my characters deal 99,999 damage haha. Coolest thing was defeating all the creations by the Monster Arena guy and then beating up Nemesis! Yesssss! It could have been easier if I set my overdrive mode to Comrade (charges overdrive when allies are hit) since he dealt so much damage lol, but silly me left it on Warrior (charges overdrive every time I attack), so yeaaaah, that took longer than I wanted hahaha. Btw, Nemesis is ugly but yay! I’ve completed another goal of mine! Oh yeah, I also beat Omega Weapon, of which, he was so underwhelming, especially with the random monsters you have to fight along the way, FFVIII was so much more annoying and challenging imo with the Ultima Weapon and other guys. I guess we’ll see how I feel once I defeat all the Dark Aeons and fight Penance hahaha.

The Dark Aeons were relatively easy! Especially if you have ribbon/stoneproof, not being petrified and shattered is like the most important thing imo lol. Dark Bahamut kept killing me and pissing me off because he kept petrifying my guys and killing them lol, I had to put stoneproof on my armour to survive, worked out well since I needed it for the Magus Sisters too haha. And yes, I was lazy to fight them altogether so I separated them and fought the sisters one by one to save myself from the agony lol. And what do you know? Dark Yojimbo was actually the one to bring the most trouble! It’s not even because he was hard, it was because I had to fight him 5 times to defeat him and initially, I didn’t know and just defeated him four times and was like wth, why isn’t Penance appearing?! So then, I googled and realised that I had kept missing the true third battle in the green room, so yeah, that frustrated the hell out of me because I legit defeated him 10+ times because I went to the wrong place, didn’t understand etc, yeaaah I was raging lol. I really wanted to finish the game and defeat Penance in the same day with the Dark Aeons so yeah, I was annoyed that I was not on schedule lolol. Oh well, more time to prepare for Penance I guess.

So…. I tried Penance and I died hahahah. Gotta revise my armour lolol. I think ribbon, auto-potion (with only x-potion), auto-haste and auto-protect might be the best combo. I’ll try that and see. Or not lolll! My biggest problem with Penance was not surviving his immolation attack that does a lot of HP damage and sucks all your MP too. Well, anyway, after much googling etc, I revised my armour again, luckily I had 6 million to spend bribing monsters for stuff lmao. I used auto-potion, auto-haste, auto-protect and defence +20%. This accompanied with Rikku’s Ultra NullAll mix (lasts the whole battle as long as you don’t die!) gave me enough defence to survive the whole battle (yay!). After that, it was really rinse and repeat of destroying the arms and then hitting the main body whenever I could. It probably legit took 20-30 minutes. Crazy for sure. Not sure whether it’s really worth it since I didn’t feel very accomplished LOL, I just felt like a robot constantly using quick hit (throwing a three stars so it doesn’t cost MP), dispelling after every immolation attack and thankfully, I had auto-potion because it would have killed me if I had to heal myself every turn. So yeah, after that, it was really just a waiting game where I just kept doing the same thing for 30 minutes, yeah it was pretty boring. I liked the optional bosses from previous games more.

And now I can finally fight Sin! Honestly, seeing Tidus finally open up to Jecht a bit more and be a bit more honest, I felt happy for Jecht. He’s always loved Tidus. Too bad it wasn’t meant to be for them to ever be able to hang out together like buddies. Since I maxed out my stats, last boss was so easy, I barely did anything. Kinda feel like I should have let him do something so I could see it lol, but I was too fast hahaha. Pretty devastating to see Yuna summoning every single summon for Yu Yevon to take over and then we kill it to stop Yu Yevon from having anything to take over anymore. It was heartbreaking to see all the Fayth go like that. But at least, as they said, they can now stop dreaming… Auron always has to be cool doesn’t he lolll, even when Yuna sends him to the Farplane. It hurt when he told Yuna that it was okay to send him. I really liked Auron. It was also saddening when Tidus was like, this is his last battle with them because he’s going to disappear, I guess at least he told them. Slack to Yuna when she wanted to hug him but he was disappearing. Especially when at the end, she kept whistling, waiting for him to come back.

Never even know the Eternal Calm video or whatever existed. Kinda feels weird though because it’s set two years later where all Yuna has been doing is being something like a counsellor to people until a sphere of someone who looks like Tidus (Shuyin~) is found by Kimahri, given to Rikku and then shown to Yuna and then she decides to go look for other spheres like it and soon becomes a sphere hunter. Considering that FFX-2 is set two years later which I assume is not long after this, her personality sure changed quite a bit after getting some freedom haha. I guess it’s true that Yuna has never truly lived for herself until now so it is nice that she can do that now, but how did she learn to use a gun so fast? Lol.

Overall, I enjoyed FFX, but honestly, it’s not one of my favourites haha. It’s one of the first I played as an adult probably but yeah, if I had to really choose, I prefer the previous much more. But I do like FFX because of how much more, simple it is? It’s simple, straightforward and emotional. Rikku and Yuna will always be my favourites. Wakka being silly is also a highlight. Cool Auron will always be the dream guy though hahaha. Happy that I can finally say I’ve finished it completely! Now on to getting 100% completion for FFX-2! I got like 98 or 99 on my first playthrough with the help of a guide every now and then but now I’m gonna use a guide for the whole thing and hope I get the 100% this time around hahaha, wish me luck~

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Will you ever tell the story of that person and what happened?

Technically there were 2 people, the first one was super bad and our relationship lasted for 4 years, the 2nd person only lasted about 9 months, because when she started showing signs of being abusive I gave her 1 chance to y’know, not take all her anger out on me and drop-kick me right in my insecurites again, and when she did it again without remorse I told her to please get therapy and noped out bc I literally could not deal with that again.

I actually wasn’t planning on it bc I didn’t know anyone wanted to hear it but?? I can??? Story is under the cut, be warned, it’s uh very long and kinda depressing?? and has mentions of my ED and suicidal thoughts and self harm and emotional abuse and panic attacks and all that so, ye. All the trigger warnings.

Note: I’m going to leave a few things out because I really don’t want to talk about them. But most of it’s gonna be here.

I met my first abuser online when I was 14, on a site called Quotev (basically just a writing and quiz site, I’m sure you’ve seen it around.)

Up until that point, I wrote almost every day (with the exception of writer’s block which everyone has, y’know.) I would write from 7AM till I went to bed at 9PM pretty much. I was having the time of my life. I only had mild anxiety (mostly social) and no sign of depression. But I was also home-schooled and didn’t really like interacting with people, so I had never really had friends or deep extended social experiences. In short, I was very happy, very eager to please, and very, very naive. I saw only the good in people and didn’t know any better.

My abuser was a girl, 2 years older than me, so she was 16 when we first met. She was Canadian (lmao don’t trust stereotypes.) For this story, I’m going to call her E, yeah?

So, E and I met when a complimented one of her quizzes. We started RPing (role-playing) together, in a LOTR world. Everything was great. I looked forward to talking to her, and we talked every single day. She quickly became my best friend. Since I was so eager to please and just wanted to make my favourite person happy, I would compliment her a lot and try to help her get over her insecurities. To me, she was perfect, and I wanted her to know that. I developed a crush on her, obviously.

Soon, due to some nerfs the mods had made on the site, she decided that we should move to Skype and RP via email. A few weeks after that, RPing and talking to her took up so much time I didn’t really have the time to be on the site at all anymore. I gave all my other (healthy) friends on there a stupid excuse as to why I was “taking a break” and then left without a word for 3 years. I’ll always regret that, it was a dick thing to do, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. Because I thought that’s what best friends did for each other, made them priority. Like I said, I was extremely naive.

Now that I was isolated, things started to change, very subtly. If I ever seemed to be having too much fun in an RP, she would “forget” to reply to my part, only replying to the part about her. When I got confused and asked her, she blamed it on her ADHD, and since I didn’t have it, I couldn’t exactly call her out. 

She always picked the RPs we did for the day. She always had her ideas in the RPs. If I ever suggested an RP, we would do it for about 20 minutes before she wanted to do one of hers, or she got bored, etc etc. She also LOVED Angst. I mean, an unhealthy amount of angst. She would start at LEAST 2 new RPs every day and every SINGLE one would be angsty. Every. Single. One.

She wanted to RP smut with me but back then I was very uncomfortable with it. Still, she pushed, so eventually I gave in and did it. Then I found out I actually really liked to write smut and asked her more often, but suddenly she didn’t like smut and wouldn’t do it. Because I liked it. And it was something she knew she could control me with, but I had no idea.

We - or should I say, I - would write drabbles for her, sometimes based on RPs, sometimes just ideas I had. I would write at least one (around 2 pages) for her every day, occasionally multiple drabbles a day. 99% of them were all angst btw. There’s only a limited amount of angst ideas out there but I managed. Bc I wanted her to be happy. For every, 20(???) drabbles I wrote her, she would write me one. That would be half a page long. Eventually she started saying things like “is that it?” or just wouldn’t say anything when I sent her the daily drabble, and when I asked if she’d liked it she just said “yeah” and move on to talking about what she wanted to RP for the day.

If I ever said anything she didn’t like, or annoyed her, she would just stop talking to me, completely cold shoulder, until I got frantic and started begging her to talk to me again and I would write something for her to make up for it.

If I actually gathered all my courage to ask her if she could write me something, she would yell at me and curse at me and call me selfish and tell me that I KNEW she was going through so much shit with her bad family (though now I actually doubt her family was bad at all because anything she vented about actually just sounded very petty and not the crushing stuff she made it out to be??) and her mental health and how she was TRYING. And when I apologized about 10 times she finally let it go and said that she would “put what I wanted on the list” and “try to write it” when she could. (Spoiler alert: I never got a single thing from that list. But she did write herself 15 pages of content in 2 hours and showed me all of it. So it wasn’t like she couldn’t write. She just wanted to write for herself.)

Even when she DID write me something she wouldn’t write anything I wanted, it would be angst like she liked and it would STILL somehow be about her, not me.

Almost every single day she would be having a bad day, because she knew if she told me that I would do anything she said to make her feel better. If I ever had a bad day, she would just say “that sucks” and move onto talking about RPs or herself and how she was having an even shittier day. She would be short-tempered and constantly be on the brink of shutting me out or blowing up at me. I felt like I was walking on eggshells constantly and I had to second-guess everything I said and did because I didn’t want to upset her. If I made a mistake in an RP (bc of course we both had different ideas of how things looked or what placement things were in) she would laugh and tease me about it even when I told her it was hurtful.

At this point, I was talking to her all day, every single day. From 9AM when I got up, often till 2AM or even later because she always found a way to keep me up, either by having something bad happen or just because she “missed” me. I was exhausted and the constantly anxiety of watching everything I did and trying so hard not to get yelled at just made it worse. Literally from the SECOND I woke up, I would be hit by a wave of dread and anxiety so strong I’d feel physically sick and dry heave at the idea of eating anything. I would go out to my computer and log in and pray and pray it was going to be one of her good days. Occasionally (and I mean, once every few months) it would be, we would have a great fun day where everything was equal and if I was really lucky she would write me something (I would end up having to write her 2 or 3 things to make up for her writing 1 thing but at least I got something!) Because of how anxious I was the relief that it was going to be a good day was like an actual fucking high, which only made the fun better. Most of the time though, it wasn’t a good day, and my stomach would drop, I can’t really express to you how much fear and dread I felt on those days, anyone who has been in a similar relationship will know what I mean.

I felt so, so worthless. I wasn’t worth any effort, I wasn’t worth anything. Every good thing I tried to do was either not enough, or I ended up fucking it up and upsetting her. I deserved to be yelled at or have things taken away from me because I was the one who messed up I apologized in every other sentence for every single thing I did just to try and stave off the yelling if it irritated her. Because I felt so sick from anxiety all the time and because I wanted to have SOME form of control, I started to restrict my eating, more and more over time. Because I was constantly anxious and thus extremely physically tense, I started getting awful headaches and ended up taking pills to dull them every day. Unsurprisingly since I was taking them every day, I got addicted to the pills and whenever I didn’t take them I got migraines and felt even sicker. If I had a migraine and physically couldn’t be online bc I couldn’t see the screen, she would send me messages upon messages, sometimes getting up into the hundreds asking me where I was and why I wasn’t online.

She would always say she loved me and that I was pretty and that I was her favourite person, but when I finally, finally was done enough to tell her outright that she made me feel worthless, she just said “you’re not worthless” and then changed the subject. I should mention that we had our own kind of unspoken language with emojis and the way we wrote. For example, if she made a smiley like this :D it was genuine, but if she made it like this :) it was passive-aggressive and meant that I’d done something to annoy her and every time I saw it I would immediately start panicking and trying to think of what I could have done wrong. (I still have a jolt of panic to this day lmao embarrassing.) And if she sent no emojis at all it meant I’d really pissed her off. So when she sent the “you’re not worthless” without any emojis and immediately changed the subject, it meant that she didn’t want to hear that and that it made her really angry.

If I ever liked a fictional character and wanted to RP with them, she would make me ship them with her just so I knew they were hers and I couldn’t have them, so now I have a very hard time getting attached to canon characters.

Writing, a thing I had always loved and enjoyed more than anything in the world, the only thing I thought I was really good at, became a job - not even a job, because I had no reward. It became a chore. Something I dreaded and even hated. I didn’t want to waste energy and inspiration on writing things for my own enjoyment when I should have been writing a drabble or two for her. Sometimes I tried to write a bunch in one day so I could have a few days of blissful rest until I’d used them all up and had to start again. If I didn’t write for her, I’d get the cold silence. And since writing was my therapy and way of venting all my emotions, and I wasn’t writing anymore for those reasons, my feelings just stayed inside me and rotted. To this day, a whole year and a few months later, my writing is STILL not back on track.

NOTE: YES, THIS IS WHY I AM SO PROTECTIVE OF MY FRIENDS WITH IMAGINES BLOGS. BECAUSE THE WAY THEY DESCRIBE BEING BURNT OUT AND FEELING LIKE THEIR WRITING IS WORK IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT. AND THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL GOOD PEOPLE WITH AMAZING WRITING TALENT AND I DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME HAPPEN TO THEM.

At the end, I started thinking about killing myself. I couldn’t cut bc in summer time I had a lot of bare skin showing and so I didn’t have anywhere I could really hide cuts from my parents. My ED and the hunger pains where my only form of self harm and that just wasn’t enough anymore. So I started accumulating a stash of pills under my mattress. I was squeamish and didn’t want to die by slitting my wrists. I knew I’d need a lot of pills bc I had built up a tolerance to them so I kept steadily collecting, taking them here and there where I knew my parents wouldn’t notice (my Mum has chronic pain and takes pills regularly, which is why I had to be sneaky.)

I only got out of the relationship because I started having full-blown hyperventilating, sobbing, borderline screaming mental breakdowns out of absolutely nowhere (to them.) They finally got the truth out of me and told me that no, it wasn’t healthy, and I had to get out right now. Luckily, E wasn’t being so subtle anymore and was so confidant that she broke me she could just bluntly tell me whatever she wanted and know I would do it. So I left. Left her a good bye note on Skype and to this day I haven’t gone back on.

(Also I did find out later that she had tried to copy one of my OCs and I’m not joking when I say my vision turned red bc you can fuck with me all you want but if you look funny at my OC babies I will beat you to death with a crowbar)

I weaned myself off the pills I was taking for my headaches. I’d made a Tumblr account out of curiosity a few months before and started talking to some people, so I started spending more time on Tumblr. I started trying, bit by bit, to eat more. I went to see a therapist. But I felt even more worthless than before, because what was the point of me if I wasn’t existing to make her happy? Honestly that was how I felt. That was my thought process.

I still planned on killing myself. Wasn’t so much an if than a when. I was kind of drifting through life, idly wondering what would be the last straw that broke my back and kind of wishing it would hurry up already. I didn’t want anyone on Tumblr getting super attached to me bc I didn’t want to hurt people. I had my goodbye note written out. I waited.

This is going to sound stupid but I have heard that suicidal people’s brains don’t want to die deep down and will cling to literally anything that might keep them alive. My slap upside the head wake-up call was actually a friend’s OC: steverogershield’s Conrad. A character who was struggling a lot but trying to stay functional for a loved one. It was such a small, dumb thing, but for some reason it hit me hard that maybe I was not as worthless as I thought I was, and maybe people actually would miss me for longer than a day if I died.

Again, that’s dumb. And embarrassing. But Enna and her Conrad are the reason I’m still here so. go and thank her for my continued dumbass meme presence. 😂

The second person isn’t that involved. She obviously had some kind of anger disorder and knew it but she also??? just didn’t want to go to therapy?? like straight up just didn’t want to so she didn’t, and just expected people to put up with her mood swings and explosive temper that was fine one minute and yelling and cursing the next?? So she yelled at me once over a mistake (fair, my bad), I told her please not to do it again and instead try to tell me without yelling when I did something wrong bc of course I didn’t want to do something that upset a friend. She also seemed to be really inconsistent with her ideas and contradict herself constantly so I never knew what was the right thing to say, but that may have been a language barrier so. She lost it with me again anyway a month or so afterward and so I left. I knew my limits and I knew I couldn’t deal with that again. I still wanted to die for a little bit afterward but I knew I could weather it that time so I did and here I am. Because of my first bad relationship I now know the signs and knew EXACTLY where the second relationship was going so I could say “lmao no thank u please get help” and leave before it could too bad. I still don’t really blame this person because I know it was just a disorder and not really her fault but I do hope she got some help, she could be a really nice person in the good moments, very smart and creative and funny and kind, and with therapy I know she could have gotten better with her bad mood swings. She was also the same person who told me she had to imagine beating her cat to death when she got angry and just… if that isn’t a huge red flag idk what is.

Anyway. That’s the crux of it. woooooo. 

[jamie-leah]

Show Me Going

Bucky x Reader-Oneshot 

Summary: Bucky can only watch on as the reader goes through a dangerous situation 

Word Count: 2170

Warnings: Violence, Death

A/N: After a long break for exams and writers block I am back with this shitty number. Please leave a like or a reblog or a comment! I would love it. My permanent tags are OPEN. I hope you enjoy lovelies. (btw this was inspired by an episode of Brooklyn 99 by the same name) 

Series Masterlist   One shot Masterlist 

The day started just like any other for Bucky. He got up early, had breakfast with Steve and Sam, and then went down to the gym for their daily training session. Once that was done he went to your room so that you could both enjoy a rare day off together but when he got to your room, you weren’t there. He frowned but he wasn’t worried, not until he saw Steve taking off down the hall still in his gym clothes. He trailed behind him all the way to the command room. He followed Steve in with, “what’s going on?”. Steve didn’t answer Bucky as he made his way over to Maria Hill and Nat. They were standing in front of a black screen, Hill holding a radio. Bucky could hear the conversation as he made his way over. Steve said, “I saw on the news, how long has it been going on?”.

Hill answered in the calm demeanour she always seemed to have, “the bomb went off about an hour ago. All authorities responded which left the rest of the city virtually unprotected. We now have a hostage situation in a bank that the police can’t get to, so we were called for help. This was about 15 minutes ago. The team should be arriving any minute.”

Bucky’s stomach gave a nervous clench and at the time he didn’t know why. He remained silent as Steve continued to talk, “why didn’t we get called in? You know we could have helped”.

Hill nodded her head, “yes, but most of you just came back from a mission, some injured, and Fury thought this was a bit below your pay grade especially since you have big mission first thing in the morning”. Steve went to protest again, but Hill cut him off, “it’s not my call, and besides the team we managed to get together at short notice is more than equipped to handle the situation”.

Bucky’s stomach flipped again as he picked up on something Hill had said, “you said ‘managed to get together’, so you pulled people off leave?”. Bucky saw Nat look at him sharply, she wasn’t stupid, she knew where he was going with this. Nat answered before Hill could, “yes Barnes, they did call Y/N in, I was there when they called her in, that’s why I’m here”. Bucky’s nerves were immediately set on edge as he came closer to them. Bucky gave Hill a stern look, “what kind of people are we looking at? How many are there? What weapons? Do we know what they want?”.

Hill gave a deep sigh, “we’re not sure who they are yet, and we’re not sure how many are there. The camera feeds in the bank were cut long before they arrived. So, we don’t know what weapons they have and we’re not entirely sure of what they want”.

Bucky’s blood was raging at every word she said. He took a step closer and Steve shifted towards Bucky, “you’re telling me that you sent a team in practically blind? Are you that incompetent?”.

Hill regarded him coolly, “Let’s not pretend that you care about the whole team Barnes”. Before anymore is said the screen turns on. It shows someone’s vest camera pointed at the rest of the team dressed in tactical gear. Bucky doesn’t see you in the group, so it must be your camera. Just before Hill can speak in the radio Bucky speaks again, “I’m going”.

Hill whips around, “you will not interfere Barnes”. Bucky just turns around to leave, all he can think about is something happening to you while he sits on his ass. He doesn’t make it to the door though as Steve’s arms come around him. Bucky starts to struggle until Steve speaks to him quietly, “Buck, you know its not the best idea to go. I hate the idea of just sitting here too, especially with Y/N out there, but it could hurt the mission and jeopardise their lives. You know this Buck, so its best if we stay here and try to help them from here”. He knows Steve is right, but he hates it. His instinct is to go and protect not to stay here and watch the love of his life potentially get hurt or worse. Despite the turmoil inside him he nodded to Steve as they both turned back to Hill and Nat and the Screen. From what he could make out, you were leading everyone into a building opposite the bank. You were charging up the staircase, gun raised, and alert. Although his nerves were fried at the situation he couldn’t help but be proud that you were being careful, that you knew how to protect yourself. He watched as you made it to the top of the staircase, your arm extends silently communicating with your team as two stays at the stairwell and the rest follow close behind. You enter into an empty room and make your way over to the window. The camera goes black for a few minutes and then he hears your voice crackle through the radio, “it’s a negative on the visual. I can’t make anything out, no movement by the windows, but I expected that”. Bucky’s stomach clenched again with nerves. They still didn’t know anything concrete. Hill rubbed her forehead thinking before speaking, “copy that Alpha team. It’s unfortunate that we don’t know more but I am advised to order you to proceed with the mission”.

Bucky couldn’t believe what he was hearing, this was far too dangerous to do blind, Hill couldn’t be serious. Judging by the long silence you weren’t too happy either, “I’m sorry command, did I hear you right?”.

Hill didn’t skip a beat, “you heard me correctly Y/L/N”. The screen came back into focus as Bucky assumed you started to move out again. As you and your team made your way down and out the building Bucky became more and more agitated. He watched as you held your fist up and proceeded to the bank on your own. He knew it was the smart play to only send one in to scope the building, but his heart clenched at it having to be you. He didn’t breathe until you had made it safely around the perimeter of the building finding nothing that spoke of danger. When you made it back to the same spot he watched you gesture for the rest of the team to come over. Everything was going fine, until Bucky saw it the same time you did. He heard you shout as you ran forward, “get down! Get down!”. To Bucky it was like watching in slow motion, the red dot appearing on the agent’s forehead, the camera moving forward, you bending down to drag the body to cover. The camera then focuses on the agent as you kneel down. Its clear from the dribble of blood on his forehead that he’s gone, but Bucky sees you check his pulse anyway.

Bucky’s heart was beating too fast, “you have to pull them out now. They’re all gonna get executed because we have no plan, no information that can help us”. Bucky noticed Steve nodding his head in the corner of his eye, but Hill didn’t acknowledge that he had spoken. It wasn’t long before your voice rang out again, “agent Jacobs is down, I repeat…agent Jacobs is down. Waiting on orders on how to proceed”.

Hill bows her head for a few moments, “orders are to proceed with the mission”.

Bucky can hear the anger in your voice over the radio, “that’s bullshit Hill and you know it. We’re all gonna get killed-“.

Hill cuts her off, “they’re not my orders, the city needs our help, the people in the building need our help”.

Your reply is blunt, “we won’t be any help if we’re dead”.

Hill sighs, “Alpha team proceed with the mission. Now.”

Bucky watches you stand and face the team, he can tell that you’re thinking. He’s also thinking of how to help, but his brain can’t think objectively with you in the mix. His heartbeat picks up as he hears your next words, “okay team, orders are to proceed. We need them to get rattled, break whatever formation they have in that building. They gave away one of their positions by shooting Jacobs so here’s the plan. I’m going out there, I’ll have my back to the window, I need you to shout when you see the laser on my back, I’ll turn and shoot. I also need you guys to pray to whoever you believe in that this works”. The team nods solemnly, not challenging the crazy plan you just came up with.

Hill shouts through the radio as you make your way out into the open, “stand down agent Y/L/N. Stand down. Do not go through with this plan”. Bucky watches in horror as you continue forward. You keep moving forward until Bucky hears the team shouting. Bucky takes an involuntary step forward as if he could reach you, as if he could protect you from this. Before he can blink you’ve turned and taken your shot. Bucky can see from the camera the guy drops out of site from the window. Bucky breathes a small sigh of relief, but it was too soon as shots ring out and the screen goes black. That was the moment his heart stopped.

Bucky snatched the radio from Hill, “Y/N, are you okay? Did you get shot? What happened, we lost camera feed”. The silence was too long, the crackle of the radio sounding like nails down a chalkboard to his ears. Then your voice comes through, “shots were fired, the camera took a bullet, but I’m fine Buck”. Before Bucky could reply to you Hill takes the radio back.

Hill nods at Steve as she says, “you need to leave Barnes. I cannot concentrate with you in here and that endangers all of them, not just Y/N”. Bucky struggles against Steve and Nat the entire time but as soon as they get him past the door its game over, the door seals and he can’t get back in.

 The wait was agonising. Bucky couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t sit still, he couldn’t read or work out, he could barely breathe thinking about you being out there. After a few hours most of the team had heard about you being in the thick of things. Everyone was sitting in the kitchen, dinner untouched, everyone in silence. Bucky was too wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear the footsteps coming down the hall and them stopping in the doorway. His head only shooting up when your voice cuts through the silence, “I hope you weren’t planning my funeral just yet”, the playfulness evident in your voice. Bucky was frozen in place as Tony spoke, “see? I told you guys she would be fine. Y/N is too tough for death”.

You crack a soft smile, “you’ve got that right Tony”.

Bucky was still frozen in place when Nat spoke, “how did it go?”. You got quiet and so did the room, you couldn’t look at them for too long, “its been a really long day. I’m not really up for talking about it right now”. Your voice cracked on ‘now’ despite your best efforts to remain composed. That was when Bucky moved. He got up from his chair without a sound and came to you with a softness about him that you rarely saw. He picked you up bridal style and left the kitchen without a word. You clung to him, breathing in the scent you thought you might not get to smell again. Bucky took you to your shared room, kicking the door closed. He laid you on the bed and crawled under the duvet with you, pulling you close so that your head was buried in his chest. As he stroked your hair you felt the tears spill and his soft voice in the cool air, “you don’t have to talk, but I’m going to. I thought I was gonna lose you today Doll. I thought I was gonna watch you die having done nothing to help you and without telling you that you are the love of my life. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I want to grow old with you, have kids with you, kick ass with you…I know you don’t want to talk about it, but sooner or later you’re gonna have to and I want you to know that I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

Your voice cracked again, “I lost two of them Buck, I lost two of them”. Bucky knew that nothing he said right now would help, so he held you as you cried. He held you until they dried. He held you until you fell into a fitful slumber, and he held you long after the stars retreated, and the sun came up.

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