#(he'd call me a tranny for sure)

[orphee-aux-enfers]

So, I'm asking honestly and in good faith to better understand Orthodox attitudes toward queerness. Suppose you had a son, who is male according to halacha, and he wants to have an intimate relationship with another man (who is similarly male according to halacha). How would you feel about this? How would your wider community feel? Do you think other Orthodox Jews in your community would feel the same in that situation, or is there a spread?

Hi anon. Thanks for the kindness in asking politely, though that should be the bare minimum. Not sure why you're asking me of all people, though. I'm an intersex transsexuel who identifies literally as a "tranny fagdyke". I am married to another transexual who also IDs as a tranny. My wider community absolutely accepts us, but it is still community dependent. So. If my son was also queer, I expect he'd be similarly loved and supported and given free food and hospitality and invited to gatherings and such because we would not be in an unaccepting community. Personally, I've never been shunned at any stage of visible queerness or transness. Maybe I've been lucky. But 7 ish communities is an awful lot for me to feel it's a fluke.

I think the thing people need to understand is that while orthodox Jews at large may not have prior knowledge, or understand, or approve, many refuse to speak out or discriminate due to lashon hara. This means you have acceptance without understanding which is MORE THAN SUFFICIENT for me, especially because the secular world is incredibly hard for me to exist in even if I'm NOT visibly religious, which I very much am. I would much rather be supported by someone who doesn't understand me than outright treated with hatred by someone who uses the politically correct terms of transgender as a slur and calls me a k*** to my face for being a Jew (my experience in secular, queer liberal spaces).

So. Lashon hara. A thing that I think EVERYONE should learn!!!! Because every SINGLE orthodox Jew I know practices it, well, religiously. Including about our trans and queer members of the community. No one chastises as harshly as a bubbe hearing someone call someone names behind their back, to be honest.

Obviously I cannot speak for every community, or even my community's private opinions because I'm ONE PERSON. I've never lived in a New York or New Jersey community. I've mostly lived in Europe, where Orthodox Judaism is often more frequently just... Judaism. It's very unfair to paint all communities with the same brush, based on what seem to me to be minority experiences within an already tiny minority. I understand it's not everyone's experience, but honestly and truly, I know more queer orthodox Jews with good experiences than I know queer orthodox Jews with bad experiences.

[brumeraven]

🦋: An Inconvenience || ghosts, violence, transformations, mutilation, the mirror, parents, gross, slurs, horrible things, apologies for vent art

I died today.

Perhaps I should mention I was murdered...hardly seems relevant, though.

I waited around, at first. Don't know for what; not sure what I expected. Someone to tell me what had happened, where to go next.

No one came. No one ever does. So I'm still here.

Sort of.

It isn't as if no one noticed I was gone, of course. Lots did, a seemingly endless web of lives I'd touched. I wasn't "really" around anymore, not the way I had been, not as they'd known me.

I just...wasn't gone either.

And whatever I was now...well, they couldn't or wouldn't see me anymore, I guess.

And so it was that I came to understand just how thoroughly my death had inconvenienced countless still-living acquaintances.

I watched my killer, swearing, sweating, grunting, bemoaning the fact that I was heavier than I looked.

It hadn't gone as he'd planned; seems I was too tight to fit his cock into, too tall to roll up in the rug he'd planned on using, bones too dense for the hacksaw to dismember.

He took issue with the fact that I'd tried to fight back instead of just giving up.

I "hadn't died pretty enough," and it took some limp-fisted jerking for him to reach even a half-hearted and profoundly unsatisfying orgasm.

The police, well, they told me I should be ashamed for not having gone to the dentist in years, so my records were out of date. That plus the lack of semen from the killer meant they never did solve the case. Then it was a lecture on how I was dragging down their clearance rate.

Politicians complained that my timing hadn't been expedient. No one wanted to run a "tough-on-crime" platform this cycle, and besides, the message wouldn't resonate with voters.

They said no one would really care about a dead tranny.

They were wrong, though not in the overall spirit of it.

The owner of the cafe I'd been in front of complained my blood had gotten all over the windows, and it wouldn't come clean.

A family regretted that my gore had splattered on the flyers they'd hung for their lost dog.

Animal control had to be called for the brumeravens, and the mortician, well, it seems the paperwork was a mess for my having had multiple names, and my torn skin had been near-impossible to stitch back together into some semblance of a body.

I don't know why he even bothered. My family had decided an open-casket funeral would lead to too many questions from the more distant relatives in their socially-mandated attendance.

But at least my mother cried during the ceremony.

The whole funeral had been so fucking expensive, and she'd had to cancel her night out, which kept reminding her of the night it had all happened.

I'd been supposed to bring home eggs, and dinner had been ruined.

~🦋

[abbatoirablaze]

TM Tragedy, Season 2, Chapter 11

Word Count:  2.8k

Warnings:  aggression/violent acts, getting jumped, being shivved, mentions of past trauma

Jax’s POV

Aryans put out the word," I said, "us white boys are on our own.

"Yeah," Bobby said, joining in, "That's Zobelle tapping into those shot callers."

Clay sat down at the table by us, "Rosen thinks the case is being tied up. Be a while before it sees a court room."

"Without a color crew we ain't gonna make it to trial," Happy said, looking around. He didn't like our odds, “we’ll be picked off.”

Clay looked at me, "yeah, well this heard can use a little thinning."

"It's not his fault we're in here."

He looked at Bobby, "so what? It's mine?"

"We all voted on it," Bobby said, trying to be the voice of reason, “after Cain and Chibs, we-“

"Well I'm working on getting us some friends," Clay said, getting up. He went over to the niners and started talking to a bigger guy. A few minutes later he was back, "he'll talk to us tomorrow. Said he's gotta run it through Laroy."

The day couldn't go quick enough. Soon enough we were back in the cell block. I felt like I had to watch my back from every angle. I tried to go to sleep around 10 or 11, but I couldn't. But it wasn't because of the guys still talking. Every time I closed my eyes, I went back to that night. A week and a half ago. Mikey had called.

She was crying.

She was begging for me to come back.

I shouldn't have let Clay take my phone. I should have grabbed it and found out what was wrong.

It was another restless night.

The next day during rec time Clay talked with the niners. He came back saying we had to get him 2 snitches, and we'd have someone watching our asses.

"I put Opie on the tranny snitch. Gonna use Trammel to set her up."

"Opies doing it alone?"

Clay looked at me, "We are a little busy."

"Then tap another charter."

Clay glared at me. I didn't break the stare off, "hey here's an idea. Why don't you get Hale to help?"

"Alright," Bobby said, cutting in, "What about the other one."

"He's over there in PC," Clay said. Then he nodded over to Juice, "and he's got a thing for Puerto Rican wood."

"Ahhh," Bobby sighed, "Juice bait."

"You're okay with this?" I asked, "you okay explaining it to Mandy if shit goes sideways?"

"Yeah," Clay said, "we gotta lure Dion to some place Russell's crew can get to him. Nothing will happen to Juice. Jax, set it up. I'll let our black daddies know it's all in motion."

He got up and began making his way to an edge of the yard so he could make a call to Ope. I started for where Dion was.

"Must be lonely up there, huh?"

He looked at me, "Do I know you blondie?"

"I'm new on the block," I admitted, "Clay."

"Dion," he replied. He looked me up and down, "smoke?"

I nodded and he tossed it over.

"Thanks."

"That face and body," he said, eyeing me up, "it'd get you a lot of uh...store credit."

"I appreciate the offer man," I said with a laugh. I pointed to Bobby, "but I belong to him. The fat guy with the beard."

He shook his head, "no accounting for taste."

"I got other revenue," I said quickly, "short, pretty one. Stupid hair cut."

Dion whistled, and smiled, "ab-so-lutely do able."

"Fifty credit."

"Thirty," Dion responded, a little too quick, "Need a test drive."

"I'll make sure he's tuned up. Where?"

"Infirmary."

I nodded and walked over to the guys. Juice was doing sit ups. Bobby was holding his feet, "up. Just get it off the bench."

"How you doin beautiful?" Tig asked, coming over with Clay and Hap.

Juice sat up, "what?"

"We uh...we need you to take one for the club," Clay said with a smile, “be a good kid for us.”

"Oh shit."

"Snitch over there finds you very appealing."

"Gotta get him out of PC for the family," Bobby explained, "it buys us protection."

"Get him out how?"

"Same way you got my daughter knocked up."

Bobby began to sing what was supposed to be a melody he'd get laid to.

"Oh come on are you serious."

"Nothing's gonna happen," I said, trying to calm him down, "you're just bait. Black will jump before he bites."

"Well," Tig smirked, "we hope."

"50/50 shot you wind up with no dick up your ass."

"What?"

He looked afraid.

"I arranged a meet at the PC infirmary," I said, "you gotta distract Dion. Unlock the guard gate, let in Russell's crew, and it'll be apiece of cake."

"How do I get there?"

I nodded at Tig, and Bobby put a hand on his shoulder to try and catch him for the punch Tig was about to throw. He got him right in the kidney.

"GUARD!"

I smiled at Hap. He chuckled.

"Jesus Christ," Juice cried, "I think you cracked my rib."

"I know," he sighed, feigning sorrow, "I'm sorry. Call it a congratulations present for becoming a father."

We waited until the guard had taken Juice away before I turned to Tig, "you didn't have to hit him that hard." 

He shrugged, "Clay told me not to pull the punch.  He had one call and he didn't call Mandy.  She's really upset brother." 

"Clay made him call Rosen," I laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder.  Tig turned back to Clay who had a devilish grin on his face. 

"Oh come on, you made me crack the dumbasses rib for nothing?" 

"Wasn't for nothing," Clay laughed, "you made me smile." 

Juice’s POV

I sat in the infirmary and all I could think about how fucked I was. I hope Russells' crew showed up. I am not down to get fucked in the ass by some big black guy.

I took a few deep breaths and looked around.

The knock is what set me off.

Shit.

He's here.

I went over to the door and let him in, "hi. How you doin. Juice."

Dion came in and put his hand on either side of me, "why yes you are."

"Right," I said, ducking under his arm. I turned around and showed him the condoms. Giving a half nervous smile.

"You come prepared," he grinned, “I like that.”

"Oh yeah. I like to be responsible you know." I said with a laugh. I gave an honest laugh there, thinking about my pregnant girlfriend.

Yeah...you're really careful.

"Good for you Juicy," he grinned. I started walking over to the bed and I felt him grabbing my ass, “you’re a tight little thing, aren’t you?

"Yeah..." I said, trying to change subject and get some time on my side, "wow...this is a lot nicer than gen pop."

"It's a little more intimate."

"That too," I admitted, looking towards the door. No one, "yeah.."

"Have a seat."

He patted the bed, and then walked behind me, patting my ass. I turned, but Dion began to whistle and went behind me. He started rubbing my back. My current 'predicament' began to feel more tense.

"You sore baby?"

I nodded, trying to pretend I was with Mandy, "yeah. A little."

I felt his hand snake around to try and grab me.

It didn't feel right. The body against mine was too big. The hand, too masculine. It made me sick to my stomach. I shifted away from him.

"Don't be nervous, sweetheart."

"I'm not," I lied, "I uh. You mind if we uh move this to the bathroom? Little more private?" He smiled, "sure baby."

"I'm sort of shy."

He moaned, and I cringed.

"I'd like to get down to...business."

Dion walked past me and I dropped the condoms on the bed. I followed him into the bathroom. He dropped his pants and began to stroke himself. One hand on his chest, the other on his member.

"Just let me grab the condoms real quick...just."

I went over to the bed and tried to buy more time. When I looked at the door I smiled. Russell and his crew were there.

"Come on honey," Dion growled, "let's get this DONE!"

"Oh we're comin," one of the guys from Russells' crew said.

They stormed the bathroom, and I heard Dion recognize the fact that this was all a trap. Another one of the guys in the family turned to me, thanking me, "you got anything you wanna get out?"

I nodded, "got a phone so I can call my girl?"

"I gotchu man," he nodded. I quickly walked away to the guard outside PC's infirmary.  I didn't notice him following me until he handed the guard a $20, "he needs a call." 

The guard nodded, and waited until he left.  He pulled out his keys and led me to a storage room for the infirmary, "second cabinet, buried in the gauze." 

He was gone and I bolted for the cabinet.  I smiled when I saw the phone.  I dialed the number and waited.  It felt like forever, "hello?" 

"Baby," I smiled, hardly able to contain my excitement, "baby it's me." 

"Juice?" 

I nodded, and then realized she wouldn't be able to see me nodding, "yeah." 

"How are you...what did you do to....baby?" 

I smiled so hard I felt like my face would split open, "we've got someone watching our asses.  I'm fine.  I just wanted to say I love you...and I miss you.  And I'm the biggest dumbass in the world for not agreeing with you." 

I could hear her sigh on the line.  

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," she sighed, "I just...I wish you were home with me...I feel so lost without you." 

"You're not alone though.  You have the baby...and Rizario...and your mom and sister." 

"Juan Carlos, there's something I need to tell you." 

The door opening shocked me, and I put the phone in my pocket.  The guard looked at me, "time's up, inmate." 

"I just need one mor-" 

"No."  He held out his hand and I pulled the phone back out. 

"I gotta go baby.  I love you." 

"I love you too J-" 

She began.  But I didn't get to hear the rest of it.  The guard snatched the phone out of my hands and snapped it shut.  I tried to push away the anger from what he'd just done, but I was so happy to get to speak to Mandy, I quickly forgave it.  

"You ready to go?"

I nodded. He handed me a new set of clothes, and we began to walk to the yard. When we got out I saw the guys. I felt the joy in my chest erupt into a smile, and I gave them a thumbs up. They were a little far into the yard, but I started making my way to em.

God damn AB started blocking my way, and finally a big guy came up and shoved me.

A stabbing pain ripped into my back.

Then another.

Everyone was yelling and screaming. I could see Jax rushing towards me.

"Get it out," I yelled, "get it out."

"GUARD!"

"Come on man," Tig said, pulling me into his arms, "I got ya brother."

I felt some pressure on my back, and one of the guys ripped the shivs out of me.

"SHIT!"

I kept screaming as they put their shirts over my wounds. The guards and Jax tried to get me out. I screamed in pain, and suddenly everything went dark.

Mandy’s POV

"Come with me?"

"What?"

"I'm taking Abel. Hopefully I can appeal to Oswald that way," she said simply, "maybe if he sees that we are every bit a family as he is, he'll feel something."

"It feels a little dirty, mom."

"Fine," she shrugged, "don't."

She went to get up, but I couldn't let her leave without me. Lord knows all the world needs is her trying to blackmail Oswald...then I'd never see dad, or Juice...or Tig...or even Jax again. We made the short stop at Jaxs' house to pick up Abel. Neeta was happy to get a reprieve. Especially when I told her that we were going to the church.

Mom immediately saw him, and went to work, like an eagle on her prey. I sat down and listened to the choir. It was beautiful. When Tristan saw me she smiled. When choir broke and everyone packed up, she sat next to me.

"It's good to see you outside of group."

I smiled, "it's nice to be out."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm surviving," I said, trying to think of positive things to say, "I can't complain."

"Can I ask something?"

I nodded.

"You told us at group the other day you're pregnant...is it..."

I shook my head, "no. It uhm, it's my boyfriends...we didn't mean to have sex when we did...but honestly I'm glad I did. He-he was my first."

She nodded, thinking about her own experiences. I put a hand on her shoulder. She hugged me, "I know that it was you that did that...thank you."

I pulled away, "what?"

"I overheard your dad talking to my dad not too long ago about the knife...and the package that showed up the day after he..."she began, putting pieces together. She cut herself off and started looking around, "anyways...I know that when middle school hit we kind of stopped being friends...it felt like it anyways...thank you for caring about me."

"It's kind of weird we're in a similar boat," I said, musing on our recent history, "who would have thought something so horrible brought us back together."

She gave me a sympathetic smile, "I'm going to talk to my dad tonight when we get him...if your mom can't convince him to do anything, maybe I can."

"I wouldn't ask that of you, Tris." 

"I want to," she said with a smile.  She put a hand on my stomach, "you've done so much to help my healing...helping bring your family back together...it's the least I can do to help yours." 

I felt a few tears come to my face and I wiped them off, "it's not nice to make a pregnant girl cry." 

She laughed and hugged me.  I hugged her back, whispering thanks and crying.  When I pulled away, I excused myself.  She said she was gonna talk to Gemma.  

I went outside and was craving a smoke.  I pulled out a cigarette, then looked down at my stomach.  I hadn't really gained any weight, so I didn't look pregnant...but I didn't want to do anything to harm the baby.  

Ever since that night when me and Juan Carlos had argued over how I was being 'self destructive' when we went to grab Tig, I hadn't been able to look him in the eye.  He was right.  

I had wanted a baby so bad, but at the first sign of trouble I just ran head first into danger...would that be a good quality for a mom? 

I was brought out of my thoughts by my cell ringing.  I didn't recognize the number but I answered it anyways, "hello." 

"Baby." 

I looked at my phone in shock.  It sounded like Juice...my breath caught in my throat, "baby it's me." 

"Juice?" 

Yeah." 

"How are you....what did you do to....baby?" 

My mind was going a million miles a minute, and had a thousand questions that I wanted to ask.  How did he get to a phone....what did he do to be able to call me? 

"We've got someone watching our asses," he said excitedly, "I'm fine...I just wanted to say I love you and I miss you....and I'm the biggest dumbass in the world for not agreeing with you." 

I sighed.  

He wasn't a dumbass.  

I was being a dumbass for thinking that he was wrong in the first place.  

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," I said, sighing again, "I just wish you were at home with me.  I feel so lost without you." 

"You're not alone though...you have the baby..and Rizario..and your mom and sister." 

I looked down at my stomach and smiled.  He was right.  I did have family.  I needed to stay strong for all of us...so that when he came home everything would be fine.

"Juan Carlos," I admitted, "There's something I need to tell you." 

I could hear a noise in the background, and suddenly everything sounded muffled on his end.  I could hear bits and pieces of the garbled conversation before it became clear again. 

"I gotta go baby, I love you." 

"I loe you too Juan Carlos..." 

The phone lit up against my face, and the call had ended.  I looked at it for another moment hoping that he was okay.  

"You expecting something?" 

I looked up to see mom staring at me.  I shook my head and put my phone away, "no..I just..." 

"Well, what is it?" 

"I miss Juice," I sighed, not wanting to fill her in on the conversation I'd just had. 

"Well if that conversation went as well as I think it did with the Oswalds, they'll be home soon. 

Chapter 12

Tag List:  @lohnes16 @evyiione

[tranquil-space-ninja]

The Story (Sanders' Sides Human AU)

Ft. Platonic Moxiety, trans Roman, Imaginality (Remus x Patton), and Emciet (Janus x Emile)

Tw: suicide, homophobia, implied abuse, transphobia, f*g said, tra**y said, bullying, anorexia

--------------------------------------------------

Patton stared at his phone. He had a shift at the office in a few minutes, but he couldn't..... He didn't quite know what he couldn't do today, but he couldn't do it. He called in sick. Emile was very understanding. "Take as long as you need, Pat," he said. "Your mental health comes first."

"Thanks, Dr. Picani." He hung up and continued to stare at the message on his phone.

Unknown Number

Got ur number from Jan. How u doing?

It was him. After all these years, it was really him. And, paired with the fact that it was only a week till his brother's birthday.... The last two years of high school came rushing back.

Patton's phone chimed.

Ro's birthday is coming up.

Like Patton didn't compulsively write down the date in his calender every year. June 4. They would have been twenty-six.

I'm moving to ur area 4 work. I finally caught up 2 u.

Patton stared at his phone without really seeing the messages. Tears started to bluer his vision. He wiped them away, only for them to return with a vengeance. Finally, Patton just let himself sob, hoping to get everything out by the time Virgil got home.

***

Virgil waved to his friends as he walked to his front door. His dad's car was in the driveway, which was a surprise. Normally, he wouldn't be back until dinner. He slowly opened the door. "Dad," he asked. Patton gave Virgil a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hey, kiddo! How was school?"

"Okay. How are you doing? Are you sick?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Just taking a mental health day. Sit down! I made popcorn. We can watch Black Cauldron."

Virgil sighed and sat down, leaning on Patton. Patton put part of his blanket around the teen and pulled him closer. He loved his son more than anything. He would not let Virgil go through the same things he did.

***

Just as Virgil was about to go to sleep, someone knocked on his door. "Come in," he called. Patton opened the door and gave him another fake smile. He sat down on the chair beside Virgil's desk.

"Can I tell you a story," Patton asked.

"I'm a little old for bedtime stories."

"Please? It's kinda boring, but.... I'll be quick. Please?" Virgil stared at his dad. He hated the desperate look in hs eyes. It was getting closer to June, which meant he'd grow quiet and a bit withdrawn. Maybe this was to preemptively make up for it?

"Sure." Virgil laid down and looked up at Patton.

"Thanks, Virge," he said with a slightly more real, relieved smile. "Let me tell you a story about six boys growing up in Florida."

***

Logan Crofters, Roman and Remus Ryan, Janus Pine, Emile Picani, and Patton Hart. They had been best friends since kindergarten. They were all inseparable. Things got worse in middle school when Roman came out as trans. His parents refused to let him transition or cut his hair, and the other kids were less than supportive. Remus let him wear his clothes, though, and his friends all defended him when they could. And they all survived until high school.

Fast foreward to sophmore year. Logan was on the fast track to becoming valedictorian. The other kids, in addition to whispering, "Fag," and, "Tranny," at them all in the halls, taunted Logan for his intelligence. Remus and Janus got into fights often to protect the others. Patton and Emile tried to keep the group's moral up. Logan and Roman always took it all harder than the others, but they had one teacher, Mr. Sanders, who let them eat lunch in his classroom and used Roman's proper pronouns. He even congratulated Patton and Remus when they started dating. He'd always pair up Janus and Emile for group projects, just to watch them flirt.

Patton, Roman, and Remus's parents passed around a petition to get him fired the next year. It was successful. That was the year everything fell apart.

Roman and Logan couldn't handle the pressure that came with the grades and the bullying. They always said they were fine, but....

One day, Logan quit his job at the library. Said it just wasn't worth it anymore. Roman stopped eating and always brushed his friends off when they begged him to try.

They died the same night. June 4, Roman's birthday. Roman overdosed on antidepressants. Janus, Remus, Emile, and Patton read his note over and over again.

Dear Friends,

I want to start by saying this isn't your fault. Remus, you were the most amazing, supportive brother anyone could ask for. Patton, Janus, Emile, Logan, you are all wonderful and perfect, and you all deserve the world. But.... I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this body one more day or hear someone call me Rachel one more time. I just can't do it. I love you all so much. Please don't dwell on this for too long. I want you all to be happy, okay?

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't be everything you wanted me to be. I wish I could have been as good a son as Remus was. I wish you could have loved me as much as he did.

And, Mr. Sanders, if you ever see this.... Thank you. For everything.

Adeiu, best of friends and best of men,

Roman

Logan hung himself. He didn't leave a note. His parents at least gave him a funeral. Roman's parents didn't care enough to even do that.

Luckily, Remus, Janus, Emile, and Patton had saved enough from their various jobs to have him cremated. Emile's parents insisted on helping out, which helped a lot.

The group burried Roman's urn just outside the cemetery where Logan rested. Luckily, his grave was at the edge of the gate so Roman's could be near his. Remus painted a large rock to use as a marker. They all stood by the small grave, Janus holding Emile and Patton and Remus squeezing each other's hands, until the sun rose.

Patton stayed with Remus after Janus and Emile left.

"I can't stay here anymore," Remus had whispered. "I can't stay with the people who killed my brother."

"I know," Patton whispered. "I hate our parents." He brushed back his bangs to show Remus a black eye and a bruised cheek. "If we save enough, we'll run away together," he promised. "We'll get Janus and Emile, and we'll all go to Massachusetts, and we'll get married." Remus nodded.

"I like that." He gently pulled Patton close, and they shared a long, sweet kiss.

Things didn't work out. Senior year was worse. Janus, Emile, Patton, and Remus were the gays who were friends with the two who killed themselves, and that's all anyone ever treated them as. Janus's parents took him and moved to Delaware. He and Emile stayed in touch for a few months before the lost contact. Janus and Patton still talked occasionally, though, even after high school. Emile, Patton, and Remus stuck together, but things would never be the same.

When senior year ended, Patton and Emile prepared to move to Massachusetts, but Remus wouldn't go.

"Please," Patton begged. "We found a cute apartment in Salem. We can start over. We can get jobs while Emile is at school. We can build our own lives. Please come with us." Remus shook his head.

"I can't," he said. "It's only been a year since they died. I just can't leave them yet." Patton hugged him tightly.

"Keep in touch," he asked. Remus nodded and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Over the next few years, Patton kept in touch with Remus. Every year, he said he would finally move in with him, and every year, he had an excuse not to. Eventually, they stopped talking as much, and when Patton changed his number, he forgot to tell Remus.

***

"He and Emile stayed together, though," Patton finished. "Patton became Emile's receptionist when he started practicing independently."

"What about Janus and Remus," Virgil asked.

"Janus is still in Delaware, and I guess Remus is with him." Virgil nodded. He wasn't an idiot. He knew Patton had just told him his life story. He just wasn't going to press any further than that. Maybe someday, Patton would tell him more, but it was almost the day his friends killed themselves. Patton needed time.

***

The next day, Patton went back to work. Larry and Dot were happy to see him. When their appointment was almost over, another patient entered the waiting room and walked up to Patton's desk. "Hey," he said, head tilted down. His voice was low and familiar.

"Hi! Do you have an appointment?"

"N-no. I just moved here and was hoping I could set one up."

"Okay.... Dr. Picani is with a patient right now, but-- Remus?" Remus was staring at Patton, a sad frown accepting his dull eyes. "L-like I was saying, Emile--"

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" Patton began to fiddle with a pen. "You could have just said you didn't want to see me. I get it. I probably remind you of Ro and Logan, and that's fine. I failed you and I put off moving even though I said I would, and I understand that you're mad, and it's okay. But--"

"I wanted to see you." Remus stared at Patton, who stared right back.

"What?"

"I wanted to see you, but I couldn't say it. It's just so close to Roman's birthday, and I didn't know what to do or what to tell my son--"

"You have a son?" Patton nodded, tears in his eyes.

"I adopted him five years ago. His name is Virgil. He's funny, he's dark, and strange and sarcastic, and I love him more than anything."

"Boyfriend or husband?"

"Single dad and rockin' it." Remus laughed despite the tears that were escaping his eyes. Patton laughed with him, also crying. "I'm sorry. For everything," he sobbed. Remus took his hand.

"Me too." And that's how Larry and Dot found them five minutes later.

Holding hands and crying, together again.

--------------------------------------------------

[doubtingthomas5]

☆Kiki and Boots☆

-(traditional, arranged by doubtingthomas5)

"If it's not one thing, its surely another"-Us*

Kiki and Boots were shuttling Bear neath the high crescent moon that the Angels hung with care

Twas a friday afternoon and the lot boss had left early and the service trucks were tired just as kiki's hair was curly

They came upon an inop with its tires off the rim and were told to make it crank before the daylight grew too dim

Staring at the wreckage of this faded yellow cruiser they could see the vacant seat where once sat an ancient looser

Boots lit up a Newport Kiki acted daft the 808s were blaring as Bear sat back and laughed

The seat cushions were tattered and the hood release was missing and from whence the radio once played there came a gentle hissing

It seemed a futile mission to try to undertake so one could turn a profit on the model of this make

But work is thus and work is this no query should remain when livelihood is on the line its interests shall you feign

Boots got out her radio and called for jumps and air to try to mend the maladies that left them stranded there

Ricky in the service truck came driving down the ramp searching for the spot where Boots and Kiki had made camp

The sweat hung on his forehead like dew drops on a leaf and his matted hair adorned his head like holly on a wreath

His service truck was tinted with the dust of many seasons and the color of his beard contained the rust of many reasons

"All right" said Rick "I'm here now what seems to be the story?" KIki beckoned toward the car and all its tragic glory

"I see I see" said Ricky with a Pall Mall in his teeth he rolled his sleeve up to his smile and poked around beneath

"It seems the hood is broken" Kiki almost lost her shit "that's why we called you down here!" she cried aloud with grit

"Well I'll do the best I can" said Ricky with a shrug as he searched around his back bed with the patience of a slug

Boot's blue horizon was fermenting in her gaze the sunlight fell upon the night approaching in a haze

Rick emerged from out the truck and brandished such a tool that one would scarcely recognize unless one were a fool

He jousted and he pried pausing only to make curses as the angels turned aside in the different universes

Finally the deed was done the hood came bursting forth the quartet gathered round to look inside the greasy swarth

What was seen was heard and what was heard was seen what was taught was phelt and what was dull was keen*

As the dust began to settle and the wind began to pout it became at once quite clear that the parts were taken out

"Ain't that some shit" said Boots "the battery ain't here" the thought of working late began to ruminate quite clear

"Not a problem" Ricky said "I've jumped a lot with less if you give me just a minute I'm sure I'll fix this mess"

Rick took out his cables and hooked one to the frame "now I just need a decent ground to make this current tame "

He looked and looked but could not find a spot to hook the clamp the K9 boys were going home and driving up the ramp

It was then that he remembered that he'd had some silver filled in his four remaining teeth where the dentist man had drilled

He plunged the clamp below his pride and gave a thumbs up sign as Kiki turned the key inside the belly of the swine

Alas! the engine rumbled and the fender nashed its fangs a look of warm relief came from under Kiki's bangs

Boots lit up a Newport Kiki acted proud the 808s were blaring as Bear was snoring loud

"All right all right will that be all?" said Ricky with a grin "I had 4 calls ahead of you till you came calling in"

"Thank you Rick" said Bootsy as he got back in his truck "Okay" said Rick "I'll see you soon until then well good luck"

As the cloud of dirt behind his truck dropped from out of sight Kiki grasped the wheel and tried to shift to drive with all her might

She shifted to and fro as her eyes were filled with doubt Boots leaned in and yelled at her "the fuckin tranny's out!"*