Just looked on the older books for refs of Thea and
Boi Curse of the Cheese Pyramid is insane
It literally starts with G heading to work on time at 9, but William comes in like "BOI YOU'RE SPENDING TOO MUCH MONEY ON THE GAZETTE YOU HAVE TO CUT DOWN THE BUDGET" (Imagine this screamed directly into Geronimo's ear)
Obviously William's definition of "cut down the budget" is this
TW: Spoilers for Curse of the Cheese Pyramid, William behavior, do not click on if you don't want a spike in blood pressure
If you choose to turn away now, the following fume was just an intermission for finding this picture lmao
He pawned over everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in Geronimo's office, from his desk to his armchair to his carpet to his book collection to his art collection, and replaced it all with a single plastic chair and desk ("All you need in an office is a desk and chair!")
He fired ALL THE STAFF and decided that only family members will be working for the paper (because family members don't need to be paid as much probably (if at all) when working for a family business-- they all share their finances with each other, anyway maybe (it's not clear what their salaries are gonna be (wanna bet G is paid minimum wage while Thea is paid 50% of the Gazette's monthly expenses after this clean sweep))). The only person spared from the firing spree was Shif T. Paws, the Gazette's sales manager, who apparently offered to work there for free.
He delegates all the work of the Gazette to four people-- G does all the office work (taking calls, building maintenance, writing, editing, printing, clientele stuff), Thea does all the interviews and field work stuff, Trap does all the cooking, and Benjamin is "William's personal assistant". Lord knows what that last position means for little Benji. (Okay reading ahead Benjamin seems fine, but he does say that William is "a bit pushy".)
He sends G out on a work holiday thing and he overworks the crap out of everyone, to the point where even Thea is sick of William's senile old-fashioned ass, and it seems that the Gazette was also going downhill because of this mouse furry ripoff Daniel Dancer. (To give a preview of what he did in the working perspective, he basically had Trap work seven days a week)
He was planning to have staff give use old newspaper instead of toilet paper (T&B expenses), make a 30-second time mechanism for the restrooms (to maximize manpower efficiency and possible humiliation for anyone going number 2), and was considering cutting all electricity to the building and just have staff work on typewriters "just like the old days".
This man's senile ass--
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your top 5 philip island races 🙏
okay all five of these are very close together. to be clear
2004: putting this first fundamentally comes down to whether you're a duel or dogfight girl, and I'm the former. like, I love a great dogfight, I love chaos, I know phillip island specifically is all about multi-rider scraps, but as a person I'm just really about the psychological tension and drama of a one-on-one fight. especially between two people who despise each other. this is the penultimate race of the season, valentino's matchpoint race and also his first fight with sete post-qatar. the whole race is excellent but the first lap and last lap... transcendental
2017: practically a comfort watch by this point. it's so... ferocious, unrestrained, it also has a great post-divorce battle between valentino and marc buried within the dogfight that instantly elevates it for the viciousness. another one with big championship implications, which adds some fun stakes to just how hard they're going at it. also, I fondly remember watching this live early in the morning and going 'oh god they're gonna crash oh god they're gonna crash WHAT IF VALENTINO RUINS MARC'S CHAMPIONSHIP WHAT THEN' which quite frankly was such a special time
2015: another thrilling one in the category of proper dogfight. honestly these three middle ones are quite tricky to rank because, well, they're all great fun. I don't like,, enjoy watching the actual fighting quite as much as I do with 2017, though obviously the fantastic last lap does elevate this one. and the first few laps are really fun!! that poor seagull. plus the whole sword of damocles feel, the narrative implications of the whole thing are again. very pleasing. I think I kinda needed jorge/valentino to actually Fight Each Other a bit more, but I suppose the whole point of that season is that they didn't
2001: it says something about the quality of phillip island races that I'm ranking this absolute banger fourth. this is valentino's first matchpoint race, first premier class title, and it's super pleasing in how you're frequently readjusting your expectations of how this race is going to go? excellent momentum shifts. it's got the most pleasing narrative conclusion too, with the dogfight becoming a duel between the title contenders right at the end. valentino doesn't need to overtake biaggi for the win to take the championship, but can he resist... (no.) I think the main reason this is no higher than fourth is that by this point the title is basically wrapped up, but there is also something fun in how badly valentino wanted to win the race anyways. always got to be so dramatic about everything
2003: I was about to say 2023, but then I had the 'wait what the fuck I can't leave out 2003' moment. the issue is that this is... well it's a different flavour of pleasure than these other races, right. but also it'd be fundamentally dishonest of me to leave this out, because I DO get one hell of a kick from watching it and have done so an unhealthy number of times. you've got the early vicious dogfight, then you've got that lull out front while the dogfight for the remaining podium places rages and then you've got the penalty announcement. you've got the dogfight for the final podium position to keep you entertained on the action front, you've got the slow burn pleasure of watching valentino pull out increasingly silly laps, and then you've got the ghost bike extra-dimensional warfare commentators to pull the whole thing together into a unique race watch experience
honorary mentions!! 2023 (this was such a blast to watch live, like the way the story of the race gradually changed and you had this brutal fight and this building tension because you just knew that Those Tyres Were Being Shredded and then it all comes together... last lap is so so good); 2022 (just pure pure chaos, you kinda felt like half the grid was involved in the dogfight for the lead at one point or another, just never knew what was going to happen next, plus the last lap is a lot of fun and with a very deserved winner); 2009 (dude I felt so bad not including one of the many casey wins but genuinely which of these races would I kick out. this one is his most 'exciting' win and obviously massive championship implications, but also it's very much the being edged of watching a motogp duel in that a fight constantly threatens but doesn't actually ever get going); 2008 (objectively one of the better phillip island races in casey's tenure but like. unfortunately he's just too good at these, and the most exciting thing going on here is valentino working his way up from 12th. sorry casey if you just went slower then you'd be featured more on this list); 2006 (first flag to flag race!! ever!! absolute chaos all the way through, constant chopping and changing of the championship picture. last lap duel between Old Enemies I'm fond of for sentimental reasons); 2013 (marc's race still makes me mad if I think about it for more than two seconds, but the whole experience is also inarguably chaotic enough and dumb enough to be a lot of fun to watch); 2011 (at least Making It Wet was one somewhat interesting way to mix up casey's domination and spook him a little bit, but ultimately obviously he did the thing again - sentimental value because he sealed the title on his home race at his birthday)
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