#(it takes like 40min each direction)

[shorterstrides-fasterpace]

Some weeks you win, some weeks you loose.

Long post for a long week at work.

I have waited over a year for the company to give me an opportunity like this, and I gave it my all, and did my best, and my best was actually pretty dang good. But, it was not enough. Because I tried my hardest, but was only able to send a partial submission I look like a absolute failure this week. I submitted 3/21 phases. My goal was all 21. And up till yesterday afternoon I thought all 21 were due today. I am about 10 hours away for submitting the entire project. But with 12hrs of travel time on Monday, I am already over 55hours this week, and that is not counting each day from 5:30-7am... Usually I am mad when my time card is that high, but I have been waiting years to be given a project this size and I needed it to be a success... I knew it would take 30-40+ hour in addition to my other tasks. But I could not miss the site visit. My Team and I have been asking to see one of our completed projects for months and this is one of the few times we would have the opportunity. I could not say no. I knew my week would be 50-55hr minimum and I was fine with that. Getting to see the installed project was worth it.

At 4pm today I was still at the office with a few other co-workers working on our projects. I was wrapping up the three phases. Fully reviewed by myself and peers, with full documentation, clean calculations, detailed drawings, and all information needed for the next department. The documentation to send to the next department takes about 20-30min. Big boss asks when I am heading out. I say "not too long, about 40min". I had already texted Matt with an ETA home of 5:30. My boss's boss replied

"I appreciate your dedication, but you need to plan better to be out of here on time"

Fuck. This is me planning. This is me trying my hardest to complete the tasks I am assigned. I knew it was going to be a long week, I accepted it was going to be a long week. How could I plan for this? How could I plan that two once in year opportunities would occur in one week? I tried my best, I was doctoring my time card to show less hours because I am ashamed of my slow speed and long hours. I did my best and gave it my all. But it was a fail, from all directions. I would 100% do it again. And I would not change a thing. But plan it? Sir, you are the boss's boss. You are the one applying additional pressure to these projects. You sir are the one who encouraged and helped set up the site visit. What is there for me to plan? I did a really, really good job on many items this week. I am VERY proud of me. I think I did amazing.

Yeah, I failed, but I failed forwards. It was an exciting project to work on, and we will get those other phases in on Monday or Tuesday. Which is still not bad at all! I may have failed in the eyes of so many people this week. But I am glad that I got to try. I will clean it up as best and I can and keep moving forwards.

[bristolianbackpacker]

Day 27 - Puerto Maldonado and Lake Sandoval

This hotel has been such a lifesaver for us! Jack is still in the depths of the symptoms when we wake up. We grab some brekkie and I pack up our stuff as we need to move to our next hotel today.

I get picked up at 12:45pm for the trip to the lake. It’s a 10min taxi, 40min boat ride, 1 hour hike to the lake. Marco is my guide again which is a relief. He greets me with his usual directness “Benjamin, vamos!!”. Nice to see you too Marco, yes I’m feeling better thanks for asking 😂

Along the hike Marco explains a bit about this area. About 80 years ago a family moved in around the lake. They were involved in timber trade and cleared the area of a lot of its most valuable trees. They also participated in collecting tropical fruits to sell, fishing and farming. This has left the area looking quite different to Chuncho - much less primary forest here due to the clearing. The secondary forest that remains can eventually return to primary forest now that it is protected but it will take a longgg time naturally. The only big trees that remain are figs as nobody wanted their softwood. It was only made a national reserve about 20 years ago and the family have been allowed to remain. They now all work in the tourism industry (the five children of the original parents that moved in each have their own lodge on the lake). It feels a bit like this family have managed to monopolise the lake.

Before we even get out of the creek in the canoe Marco spots a caiman. This one is a black caiman which grows much bigger than the white caiman we spotted the other day at Chunchos. It’s only a juvenile though so 60-70cm long. It takes me so long to even spot him despite Marcos detailed instructions on how to find him. They camouflage so well and don’t move a muscle.

The lake is huge and so beautiful. The main aim is to spot one of the giant river otters that live here but there are only 6 (one family) so it’s difficult.

We spot a bunch of different birds - the Squirrel Cuckoo, two Stinky Birds, a Snake Birds (with its wings open to dry out after fishing), a Ringed Kingfisher and an eagle that nearly caught another bird.

Marco spots a huge 4m caiman through his binoculars. He theorises that it might be hunting the baby otters. Interestingly, the otters are the apex predators on the lake and will kill the caimans so it tries to kill off the babies whilst it still can before it becomes the prey. Unfortunately no luck spotting the otters, but I spend quite a while just watching it through the binoculars - it moves so fast but stealthily.

Aguaje palm trees surround the lake, there are home to macaws so later on before we leave we see them all returning from their days activities to nest for the night.

Time to paddle back, it’s starting to get dark so we briskly walk back through the jungle to get to the boat.

Whilst I’ve been away Jack has moved our stuff to the next hotel so I meet him there. It’s another fancy place compared to where we’ve been - hopefully we will be feeling well enough to actually enjoy it. We have dinner at the hotel as it’s a little outside of town and we need something convenient. It’s a three course set menu that is vegetarian only but it gets good reviews so we go for it. The food is nice but again it’s all so salty.

[adore-gregor]

Visiting Genova was nice and i love being close to the sea but...

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 Gold Panel Torcon 2022

These poor boys must be exhausted, especially Jensen, they got woken up by a fire alarm at around 5:50 am in their hotel so they are running on very little sleep. They both debated evacuating…and then decided not to, oh boys, and they got annoyed because the alarm went on for like 40mins 😆

The first question is where was Jesse the antichrist at the end? Because this fan thought he would be the one to defeat Chuck since you know he’s the antichrist.

Jared says that once the spn train headed on certain tracks it stayed the route but it would have been fun to have him back. Jensen says it was cool to see him again on The Boys - for those that don’t know the actor that played Jesse, Gattlin Griffith was on The Boys this season playing Gunpowder -  that when he showed up he told him he looked familiar and the actor was like ‘yeah’ and then when Jensen figured it out he was like ‘oh my gosh, you grew up!’. Also, Jared recalled how he threw a shoe at the boy when he was 7 and working on spn (he didn’t throw it at him he threw it in his direction in some weird attempt to be funny and then was like my bad) 😂

With the show running for 15yrs, and all the serious storylines, was there a point where they picked up a script and read something that made them go ‘really this is what we’re doing? this is ridiculous but okay’? 

Jared says the first thing that came to his mind is when s5 ended and Sera Gamble took over the show. Everyone at the time was wondering what they were gonna do now and since he was in LA he met up with Sera to congratulate her and catch up, and he took the opportunity to ask her about s6 and she told him about Sam coming back soulless. At the time, on the outside he was like, “cool, sounds great man” but on the inside, he was wondering what that meant and how he was even supposed to play that but because he had had that conversation with her, he had months to figure out what to do. 

Jensen says they got a lot of those wtf moments reading the scripts but something spn did very well was taking risks, they swung for the fences a lot. He brings up something Kripke said once: that it’s not jumping the shark if you never come down. And spn never came down they just kept going. x

With the number of special effects involved over 15 seasons was there ever a special effect where they were told one thing and then it aired and they were like ‘that’s not what I pictured’? 

Mr. Jensen ‘ I hated the fight scene in the air between Michael!Dean and Lucifer’ Ackles says nothing can come to mind. Because there was very little fat in the scripts and the show was so streamlined, everything they shot made it into the show, and everything that was planned generally happened it was very rare that there would be some left-field thing that would occur in the final product that they weren't aware of or it wasn't in the script. Sure buddy, I believe you *guffaw*

Jared says there were times when the brothers were saying each other's names differently; he gives a scene from s8 as an example. There’s a scene where Dean says “hey, Sam time to go” but it’s a hallucination so for the sake of special effects Jensen had to make weird expressions because later on they would add distortions and shake the camera. He also mentions the vampire fangs; he says those sucked because you would get fitted for mouth guards, top and bottom, but they were rigid so if you had to play a vamp the inside of your mouth was cut up afterward. Jensen says that you also drool everywhere because you can’t close your mouth properly. Jared quips that Jensen drools anyways 😆

Jensen recalls when Lindsey, the actress who played Tessa the Reaper, in the s2 premiere she had to touch his face but had contacts on and couldn’t see so when she had to put her hand on his face to bring him back Jensen had to move her hand into place. 

A fan points out that’s on the gag reel so they mention, once again, how many hours of content they have from those and Jared starts to say they could do an entire season of gag reels like 15 episodes that's like, and I quote, "here's every time they were jerking off-" as a joke on purpose funny, as the Freudian slip it was hilarious. You can actually see him freeze in real time as his brain process what he just said, is that what you and Jensen were up to that morning Jared? 🤣

Who does Jensen think would win in a fight between his new character Sheriff Beau in Big Sky, Dean, Soldier Boy, Michael!Dean, or demon!Dean? And who does Jared think would win in a fight between Sam and Cordell?

Jared says, Sam would kick Cordell’s ass. He loves Cordell but he’s a bit of a softie he would not want to fight, but Sam’s like “I killed Lucifer, what are you gonna do to me?”.

Jensen says any mortal version of a character’s out so bye Dean and Beau. Demon!Dean has supernatural powers so goodbye Soldier Boy cause he’s just a tough guy with a bad attitude. At this point, Jared interjects and compliments his man saying Soldier Boy has great hair and great glutes which makes Jensen all bashful ❤️ 

Then Jensen continues and goes with Michael to win the fight because he thinks an archangel is probably top dog in that scenario. x

Canada related question: as boys growing up in Texas what was their impression of Canada when they were young? And was there something that really surprised them when they started living and working there? Jared says his impression of Canada was that it was a lot like America just a little nicer with more bears and moose but then getting to Canada and spending a lot of time in Van he was struck by how beautiful it is. He’s been fortunate to travel for work or for play but not a lot rivals walking along the Seawall in Vancouver; it's a beautiful place with really kind, passionate people, and that he’d never heard more about hockey in his life but it was a distinct honor and pleasure to consider Canada a second home.

Jensen says they do a thing in Texas, he’s not sure if they still do this but they’ll find out with their kids going through school, where an entire year is spent learning Texas history alone. And then they move on to US history, and the following year is world history so Canada got lumped into world history which is a lot to cover. So for him growing up, Canada was just the friendly neighbor to the north. But when he got there geography wise it struck him as interesting, and he might have the percentage wrong, that 90% of Canadians live right on the border of the US, which struck him because Canada is huge. Also, a large percentage of that 90% live below the northern border so if it’s looked at on a map most of the US is actually above where most Canadians live because it dips down in Ontario and a majority of the population is there; so he found the geography fascinating. He also mentions the people, and that he's made lifelong friends. I didn’t know this man had such a love of geography. 

Jensen also says that he and Jared can certainly consider it a second home, and his only complaint about working for so long in Van/Canada is that it wasn’t his home. x

Last question of the panel! If Jensen could be any character besides Soldier Boy who would he wanna be and why? 

Jensen says he wouldn’t be the Deep 😂 That he texted Chase on one of his (Jensen's) days off and asked him how work was and Chase replayed that honestly, he doesn't know if he’d be able to work again after doing what he’s doing 🤣

Jensen says he’s happy he’s got to play who he did and he certainly wouldn’t change it but if you take Soldier Boy off the table he’s a huge fan of Butcher who he feels is the extreme version of Dean; he’s what Kripke wanted to write Dean as but couldn’t, and Karl knocks it out of the park every take so it was an awesome experience. 

Jared mentions that he got a text from Kripke on his birthday saying he couldn’t believe he was 40 that he remembers thinking Jared was too young to play Sam now he’s too old; and that Kripke also asked him when he's gonna go play on the show (The Boys) and Jared replied he’d love to he just has to do 4 months of squats cause he knows Kripke will show his ass. I would love, love, love to see Jared on The Boys so 🤞 the schedules can line up and it'll happen. x

J2 Gold Panel Torcon

[kisskissbanggang]

The Sabotage of Simkung House pt. 5 — The Finale

[Stray Kids Multi Fic - 40Min Read/11.2K Words - Bang Chan x Female Reader - Non-Idol!au, Variety!au - NSFW/Smut, Plot - Reverse Harems, Variety Shows, Unfolding Plot, Suspicion, Scheming, Hostages, Overstimulation, Playing Pretend, Camboys, Secret Hook-Ups]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Masterlist | Feedback

>>I’m watching the raw feed did I just see you leave?

>>If you don’t want to get us in a mountain of trouble you need to get back to set NOW. 

You sighed at Felix’s berating on the screen in your hand, shifting uncomfortably in your heels where you stood in the cool night on the sidewalk. The house was only a block behind you. Looming. You took stock of what you had on you. You had the clothes on your back, your phone, and your apron balled up in your first, with your panties still shoved in the pocket. As if you hadn’t been thinking on your feet most of this time already, you needed to come up with something fast. You kept walking. 

>I had to leave. You saw what happened back there. 

>>NOW. 

>I walked off in such a frenzy that I’m lost like a complete idiot. Please come get me. I don’t want to get in trouble. 

You weren’t lost. You remembered a cute cafe that might be open late a few blocks away. If you hurried you could get there with enough time to look like you were waiting. 

>Please Felix? I need you. 

You paused on the sidewalk now. If Felix didn’t get back to you, you would need a new plan. 

>>Okay. Tell me where you are and stay put.

Somehow, Felix took longer than expected to come get you, but the reason became apparent as a company car rolled up. For some reason you had been expecting him to come by himself instead of in a company car with a driver. Felix didn’t roll the window down, instead beckoning you inside with a curt wave of his hand. You looked grateful as you sat beside him and let out a giant sigh as the car lurched forward. The time on your phone let you know you’d only been out of the house for an hour. Felix was dressed casually, still in a buttoned shirt with jeans. You could imagine him back at his place, languidly watching the raw feed after an already long day of work. 

“Thank you, really,” you gushed, “I was freaking out.”

“Me, too,” Felix exhaustedly laughed. He reclined limply against the back of the seat. “What happened, exactly?”

“It was stupid,” you sighed, and you weren’t exaggerating now. “Hyunjin and Jisung got into a fight. Over me. It was so childish.”

“Well, then, congratulations.” 

“Congratulations? Is that sarcastic?”

“Nope,” Felix shook his head, “you may have lost 60 million each since they found out about each other, but you remember that secret prize level I told you about?”

You gawked at Felix, leaning up against your seatbelt. “That’s cruel.”

“That’s true,” Felix grimaced. “You got 70 million won each because they fought over it. It’s cruel, and it’s true, and you signed up for it without asking more questions.”

You sank back against the seat, miserable. “I wonder why Jeongin didn’t intervene.”

Felix shrugged. “He was probably being careful.”

“Is that part of why the boys don’t know who Jeongin is?”

His shrug renewed. “He really is only there for you and the equipment. The boys are taken care of.”

You had to think quickly if you wanted more answers, better answers, answers that could help stoke this fire that was burning up under you. The questions that had been stacking up had to tip over at some point and you were resolved to find out what you could, however you could. As for right now, the most pressing issue was how the hell anyone in this supposedly on-the-level production let you sleep with Jisung under the impression that he wasn’t a virgin. You felt taken advantage of, but Jisung was flat out exploited. No first-time performer knows what they’re getting into as is, and Jisung knew even less. You wanted answers, and you were going to get them. You sympathetically put a hand on Felix’s. 

“How about you? Are you taken care of? I appreciate you coming to get me.”

“I’m just doing my job,” Felix shook his head as he eyed your hand. “I would do anything for you.”

The car pulled up to the front of the house. You checked the time on your phone and took a solid, confident breath before you pulled on a sweet smile. “Do you want to come inside? The boys are all going to be asleep by now. I still have my mic pack and I don’t want to go to the attic by myself in the dark.”

“Er,” Felix bit at his lip, considering you as you opened the car door and waited, “no problem.” He took your offered hand and let you lead him up the steps to the front door. 

As quiet and dark as the house was, you still didn’t expect to find the attic completely silent as you opened the door. In all the excitement, Jeongin must have taken the opportunity to leave and try to find you. You closed the attic door before taking Felix by the hand and leading him to a small couch in the corner that the assistants and writers normally lounged on during downtime. Felix watched you carefully, even as he let you seat him on the couch. His breath cutely caught in his throat as you sat beside him, leaning into his space and letting him get the idea as your lips ghosted over his. It was almost sweet, nearly innocent, with how he instantly grew hard from your hand just resting high on his thigh. 

Felix almost squealed as you roughly grabbed onto his erection, only silenced by your hand clamped over his mouth. He stared at you wildly in the dimly lit room, his whimpers muffled by your palm. 

“What the hell kind of gonzo operation are you running here having me sleep with a virgin without any prior knowledge?” You hissed. Felix bit into your hand and slid out from under you. He landed on the floor with a thud and you quickly pounced on top of him, wrestling him around until you got a hold on him. You whipped Felix’s belt out from his jeans and lassoed it around his wrists behind his back before manhandling him up, grunting as you shoved him onto a chair from in front of the control console. With a confrontation like yours and a response like his, there was no way this was some huge misunderstanding. 

“Who’s a virgin?” Felix panted. 

“Jisung,” you growled, eyes narrowed. 

“He never mentioned that to us,” Felix shook his head. 

“Right, and none of them watch porn,” you scoffed. Felix shrugged helplessly. You spied another cord to bind Felix’s tied wrists to the chair backing. Finding two more in the grip’s toolbag, you were able to bind his ankles as well. He wasn’t even struggling, but you couldn’t be too careful. “I have more questions, and I’m sure I’m not the only one,” you warned, when you heard a buzzing emanating from Felix’s pocket. You reached forward, digging into his jeans for his phone. It was a text from Jeongin. 

>>I could’ve sworn I was on her trail. 

You eyed Felix and he stared you down, challenging you and ultimately unable to stop you as you began typing. 

>It’s fine. I found her. I don’t see your stuff at the house so I’m guessing you took it. Get some rest and I’ll deal with this.

>>Are you sure?

>Yes. I got it. 

“You stay put,” you warned.

“What’s stopping me from calling for help?” Felix smirked at you, unimpressed until you casually unfurled your apron, dropped in the scuffle, and pulled out your used panties. You stuffed them in his mouth before you found a roll of gaff tape.

“I saw a roll of packing tape over there,” you taunted, “tell me how many cameras and mics are in the house and I’ll use that instead.”

Felix’s knee bounced nervously as he stared at the gaff tape in your hand. He pathetically spit out your panties. “Your show doesn’t have any dedicated mics, only the on-board audio on the cameras. Three each in the common areas and your room, one in each hallway, one in each bathroom pointed away from the toilet, one in the laundry room, and one in each bedroom.”

“Night vision?”

Felix shook his head defeatedly. 

“That’s such shitty coverage,” you smirked, “and here I was thinking there were more I hadn’t noticed.”

“Nope,” Felix grumbled, “just a tight budget.”

“You stay put,” you directed as you strolled over to the table on the other side of the room and grabbed the roll of packing tape, “and you stay quiet.” 

You shucked off your heels and softly clicked the attic door closed behind you before you navigated your way through the dark house. Thankfully, being here and getting so familiar with the set over time helped you know where everything was, every jutting edge and squeaky spot in the floor. You didn’t predict that your paranoia would make every creak of the house unsettling, though. 

Chan was bleary-eyed and bruised as he opened the door, and nearly exclaimed when he realized it was you. You pressed a serious finger against his lips as you pushed him back into his room and shut the door behind you. He watched curiously as you looked around his room until you came to his desk. You surreptitiously knocked over a wireless speaker while reaching for the lamp and quickly dropped a blanket onto the fallen device, adding a pillow for good measure. 

“Did you know there was a camera hidden in your room?” You asked. In the light you could see Chan was actually still icing a bruise on his chin from the brawl earlier. He stared. 

“Sure, but I was told the crew would always let me know me when it’s on.”

“Apparently not,” you shook your head. “I need your help. I have a problem.”

“Anything,” Chan eagerly said as he stepped forward earnestly. You stepped back away. He winced, almost as if he was burned by an iron he didn’t realize was still hot. 

“I need to know what you know. I need to know I can trust you.”

Chan bit at his lip before he tiredly sat on the bed. He reached for his hoodie and pulled it on over his bare chest, zipping it up and snuggling into it. The sigh he let out felt preparatory. “I thought you looked familiar on the first day,” he began carefully, “but I wasn’t sure. I’d only ever seen parts of your face at once, you know? And I had to lie through my teeth and scrub my portfolio clean to even get this gig, like I already graduated two years ago, but I still said I’m younger in case they wanted younger. The big thing they sold me as the hook was that there was going to be a staff member casted to try and trip us up during the show. I thought that was exciting. And everyone thought it was the cook, because of course they did. And, I don’t know…”

“You thought it was me?” You smirked. The cook was outrageously villainous-looking, with severe features and a ridiculous mustache to boot. 

“Yes, I thought the cook was too obvious,” Chan admitted shamefully, drawing his hands up into his sleeves before burying his face in them for a moment. “So I kept my distance. That morning you joined us for yoga, I knew it was you, and you were plotting something, I was so sure of it. Later that night I went to go see if I could find anything out and—“

“Me and Changbin?”

“You and Changbin,” Chan rubbed his face in his hands again. “And I knew for sure that I recognized you, because of, you know… your moaning. I at least know how you sound. It was unmistakably you, but I couldn’t tell you I’m me. I thought it was a crazy coincidence, being here with you, but I was afraid of anyone finding out and me getting kicked off the show.”

“So you knew it was me. What then?” You asked patiently as you pulled out the chair for his desk. There wasn’t a ton of time, but you had time for this.

“The next morning we had that challenge right at dawn. And we all had hints planted for us when we woke up, and you remember Minho had the red herring?”

You shrugged, vaguely remembering something along those lines earlier in the series. Chan charged on. 

“The hints could’ve only been planted overnight, and you were, er, busy. You went to bed and I didn’t hear you come out before I gave up and went to sleep.” 

You watched, almost touched by how clearly Chan was upset with himself, refusing to look at you as he fidgeted with his fingers, the zipper of his hoodie, your necklace he was still wearing.

“Originally, when Changbin was first wondering about you, I made up that thing about you wanting more screen time. I just didn’t want him to flirt with you. I didn’t want your big break to be filled with guys being creeps.”

“How ironic,” you mused. 

“The more I saw you flirting with the guys, the more weird I felt about it. Something felt so off, and I was so on edge and paranoid, that I started to wonder if maybe you were that person, maybe you did want extra screen time or something. I had the brilliant idea to confront you in the attic, but I didn’t expose you or anything, I was only making an ass out of myself because I knew you were telling the truth as soon as you said it. I knew I was wrong. I was just being an asshole.”

A thought suddenly came to mind. “So the other night? When you were listening in on me?”

Chan flopped back into his bed in exasperation. “I was trying to see if it was a good time to talk, hopefully apologize.”

He sat back up, his head falling right back into his hands. You gingerly leaned forward to pick his head up. You’d imagined this, something like this, innocuous touches like this. It was odd to think just a night ago you didn’t know you’d actually be doing this with someone you’d known for years but never met. 

“I’m so sorry,” he lamented as he leaned into your hand, “I hope I didn’t ruin acting too much for you. I’m an awful friend.”

“No,” you sighed, and you meant it. “I wanted to expand my acting resume, sure, but you knew I’d been wanting to try expanding my AV career more. I took the gig mostly for that.”

“What do you mean?” Chan stared blankly at you, head lifted from your hand. You stared back. 

“What do you mean?”

“What does this show have to do with your AV career?”

You shook your head, flabbergasted. “It doesn’t have anything to do with it. At least, your show doesn’t. Mine entirely does.”

“Your show?”

Chan leaned forward as you leaned back, both of you with your lips parted in grand-scale confusion until you realized. And then you were furious. 

“I told you I have a problem. You need to come upstairs. Right now.”

You pulled Chan along by the sleeve in the dark hallway and back up the stairs to the attic. He almost yelled when he saw Felix tied and gagged in the chair. You shut the door behind you. Chan was frozen, hand over his mouth in surprise. This looked bad, you realized. You took out your phone and played an audio clip. Felix’s voice crackled out of your phone, explaining how much money you’d won for inspiring the fight earlier that night. Chan’s face was cryptic. 

“Do you know who this is?” You asked him. Chan barely shook his head as he still tried to process everything. “He knows who you are. Felix is the assistant to the executive producer of my show. Maybe yours, too. I have no idea, since I’ve never met either of them.”

“What exactly,” Chan murmured, “is your show?”

“Simkung House,” you sighed, arms folded. You felt so tired, so sore. “One lucky housekeeper has to try and seduce five young bachelors during a show they’re filming, without them finding out about each other.” You peeled off Felix’s gag and pulled your panties from his lips to drop them on the floor. “And tonight I fucked a virgin without my knowing.”

Chan watched the deep frown etching into your face. You could see his fists clenching by his side. “Who—“

“Jisung, apparently,” Felix rasped with a weak smile. “Tonight’s episode is yesterday, so tomorrow our paying audience is going to watch you take that nice right hook to the face he gave you.”

The slap Chan landed across Felix’s cheek reverberated in the attic before you could stop him, pressing your hands into the rough rise and fall of his chest as he seethed. Chan still elbowed past you and grabbed Felix by the collar of his shirt, pulling him against his bindings. “I have some questions,” he growled, “the first being why you didn’t get talent that actually fucking do porn.”

“Nice guard dog,” Felix laughed meanly as he looked at you, “does he do any tricks?”

“Yeah, I know a pretty fucking good one,” Chan gritted as he cocked his hand back into a fist this time. 

“It wasn’t my fucking idea,” Felix spat, “but performers like her cost too much. The execs decided it was easier to hide clauses in your contracts.”

“Oh,” Chan scoffed, “so I could’ve gotten more money if you pricks were on the level.”

“Felix,” you stepped in, “what’s the bigger reason for you to use no-names and actors who never did AV’s? It can’t just be for authenticity. There’s too much liability. They don’t know how this all works.”

Felix wriggled in Chan’s grip as he eyed you warily. “Liability isn’t an issue if you sign it all away. Control and authenticity, that’s what we wanted. You were the most knowledgeable of the cast aside from maybe him and even then you both didn’t check all the clauses closely enough. Liability was defined as consequences and results of the show, and we’re absolved. None of you have good management, if any.”

Chan dropped Felix back into the chair, roughly enough that he tipped onto the floor with a crash. Neither of you paid him much mind as you leaned back against the console table with your arms folded. Chan was fuming as he paced with his hands on his hips. “You used her, and you used us, so give me a good reason why we shouldn’t walk right this second.”

“Because of your contracts, idiots. If you talk or walk, no one gets their winnings, on either show, and the producers have the right to sue for damages.”

“Winnings? We’re mostly getting tuition and grants,” Chan retorted.

“Not her,” Felix grinned. “She has 500 million won on the line.”

Chan’s head whipped toward you, slack-jawed. You nodded. In comparison, it was insulting. You looked up at Chan, who stopped his pacing to look at you. “You ever bundle up a bunch of blankets to look like you’re still in bed and then sneak out?” 

“Sure,” Chan said, distracted by clearly wanting to beat up Felix still turtled on the floor, “why?”

“The cameras don’t have night vision. I’ll cut the lights in case anything is still on, and you get the boys. Don’t use your flashlights. We all need to talk.”

You walked over to the breaker box on the wall and opened it, flipping everything off but the attic. Chan nodded, giving Felix a wary look before creeping downstairs. 

Felix let out a disgruntled sigh below you. “Didn’t you slap the shit out of him earlier? I saw it in the raw feed. I thought you hated him.”

“No, I’m just mad at him,” you grumbled. 

“Hyung, it’s three in the fucking morning,” Changbin tiredly groaned as the boys filed in behind Chan. He had his arms crossed over the thin tank top barely shielding him from the cool air of the attic. Minho was still wearing a sleeping mask, pulled up onto his forehead. Hyunjin was sporting a dark bruise on his cheek to mirror the one on Jisung’s. Both the younger cast members looked particularly hurt, but in different directions — Hyunjin’s contempt versus Jisung’s heartbreak. All four boys froze as they took notice of you standing over Felix tied up on the floor. 

“Apparently,” you sighed, “we’re not all on the same page. This is Felix.” You looked down and matched his nasty look. “Explain, dirtbag.”

Felix muttered under his breath before grumbling out the story as you all understood it — who he was, you were, the separate shows, the shady contracts, and your exorbitant prize at stake. You and Chan filled in the other pertinent details. The hurt in their eyes was heartbreaking, realizing they’d been played when they thought they each had your attention all to themselves. Bruised egos and hurt feelings and fear all around. They’d all shot porn without knowing it, and most of them had already had their scenes broadcasted. The boys all stood astounded and silent as Felix finished his story until Minho finally piped up, towards Chan. 

“Hyung, they told you there would be a saboteur and you still didn’t think it was the cook?”

“It was too obvious!” Chan reeled, “and none of you knew?”

The boys collectively shook their heads.

“We were trying to make sure you would take the lead in the show, but we didn’t predict you to make it interesting by being stupid,” Felix sneered up at Chan, cut off into a yelp as he kicked at the chair. 

“So if any of us walk, we all lose everything?” Changbin asked. 

“Fine,” Jisung muttered, “you all do what you want, but that’s what I’m doing.” He turned to walk down the stairs and the remaining boys exchanged looks. 

Chan folded his arms. “I think it’s the best thing to do, too. We’ve all been used.”

“No,” you shook your head, “we may have all been used, but I think the best thing to do then is wring these monsters dry. I’ll split the prize money.”

“Is that all?” Hyunjin glowered before Changbin shushed him. 

“If you can all last today and finish the show, then I can, too,” you assured them. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“It sucks,” Minho shrugged, “but we understand. I do, at least. You were playing the game. You just didn’t know you were playing by yourself. I’ll stay.” Changbin and Hyunjin grumbled in reluctant agreement. 

You gave Minho a grateful smile. “We should get some rest then. I’ll talk to Jisung.” 

The boys sleepily trudged back downstairs but Chan hung back and detached Felix from his chair. Felix spilled onto the floor, wrists still tied. Chan rolled him onto his stomach with his foot before dropping down to sit on his back, trapping Felix against the hardwood. 

“I know your plan now,” Felix grumbled into the floor. “What’s keeping me from outing you?”

“Because you’re just an assistant,” you pitifully shook your head at Felix as you lowered to squat down in front of him. You spoke in plain English now. Felix was the first to fixate on your multiple languages, and you’d always assumed it was at least partly spurred on by his own. Chan’s eyebrows quirked at the switch. You reached forward and grabbed Felix’s bound wrists, pulling them up and away from his back enough to make him grunt in discomfort. Chan watched, half curious, half goading as you kept a firm hold on him. “You’re just an assistant, Felix, and we’re not the only ones held hostage by this show. You’re such a good boy for the Big Boss that the moment something goes wrong, he’ll pin everything on you.”

Felix struggled hard under Chan’s weight and your hold. “Fuck you! I’ve put a lot of time into this—“

“Exactly, Felix,” you chided. You did drop his wrists now but lifted his chin to look at you. His English was cute. It was too bad he was a creep. “You put so much time into both these shows. You helped with casting and keeping production on time and within budget, you probably helped with costuming and product placement and location scouting and writing. You have your hands in a lot of pots. What I have are multiple texts of you being a flirty creep. And I have you recorded saying you would do anything for me and even come into the house with me.”

“Pig,” Chan shook his head disgustedly as he lifted Felix’s wrists behind his back himself this time, straining him until Felix cried out and you slapped Chan’s hands off. 

You brought Felix’s chin up to look at you again. “If you’re proud of your work, then let us finish the shows. You’ll get your credit. If this ever does come to a head, I’ll destroy the recording and say I was encouraging you to flirt with me from our first meeting. But if you rat on us, the Big Boss will throw you to the wolves when we tear this down and there will be no help for you.”

Felix looked hard into your eyes, the pain of his choice apparent as he reluctantly nodded. You waited patiently for him to say something. 

“Fine.”

You reached forward to untie Felix and motioned for Chan to let him up. Felix cracked his neck and massaged his wrists. You found yourself fixing the collar of his shirt as Chan carefully watched. “Thanks, Felix.”

Felix held his hand out expectantly and you thought he meant for you to shake it before you realized you were still holding his phone and belt. You placed them back in his hand, hoping the deadly look in your eye reminded him how serious you were. He sighed miserably, looking between you and Chan before silently turning to walk downstairs. 

Now it was just you and Chan. You collected your panties from the floor before you walked over to the breaker box and flipped everything downstairs into the proper place. Your feet were sore as you slipped your shoes back on. 

“I know I said we should walk,” Chan said as he gathered the bungee cords and put the chair back in its place, “but I admire you splitting the money.”

“Could’ve had more to split,” you tersely shrugged as you took the cords from him and put them back where you found them. You gave him a pointed look. Chan winced as you breezed past him and down the stairs. 

You could’ve checked Jisung’s room to find him, but your feet brought you down to the study. Sure enough, there was Jisung, looking over the books on the shelves. 

“You going to miss it?”

“Sure,” Jisung shrugged, “it’s my first show. Just last month I found out about the audition after my improv show one night, and now I’m being humiliated in front of a paying audience.”

“Jisung,” you lamented as you set a hand on his shoulder. He regarded it warily. 

“I know you were just playing the game as you understood it,” Jisung sighed, “but my pride is hurt. All those people are going to watch me lose my virginity and get into my first fistfight.”

“That was your first? You don’t punch like it was your first,” you gave a light smile, and he eventually returned it. 

“If you’re giving me a performance review, did I seem like a virgin?”

“Not at all,” you shook your head, “you’re great. You keep surprising me.”

“Thanks,” Jisung said quietly. 

“Help me make this work,” you pleaded. “It’s not enough, but we’ll take home some extra money for our trouble. Please stay, and then you can forget about me and the show forever. I’ll leave you out of the aftermath as much as possible.”

Jisung meditated on it for a moment. “What if I don’t want to forget about you?”

“Then I’ll come see you when you go back to doing improv, maybe sit in on your campaign back home,” you reasoned sweetly, and it made him give up a wider grin. 

“I’ll stay, then,” Jisung decided. “After all, it’s just acting.” You let out a thankful sigh and cautiously drew Jisung to you, careful that he might still be cold to you, and gently hugged him close. As he eventually returned the gesture, you softened and kissed his cheek goodnight before heading downstairs. 

A glint in the light of the basement caught your eye as you neared your bedroom. Chan’s necklace hung on the doorknob. You held it in your hand, the light material heavy with the events of the day. There were still DM’s from Chan you hadn’t even read yet, and you eyed your phone suspiciously from where it sat on your blankets as you changed for bed. Finally, you allowed yourself to look through your notifications. You felt oddly bashful as you scrolled too far, up to the video he’d sent you the other night. Words were escaping you, attached to feelings that hadn’t even picked a shape to form into. However, you knew something needed to be said.

>I may have been too mean up there. I understand why you were being a dick for the most part. 

>>I have been such an asshole. I’ve been out of line since day one.

>You were playing your own one-sided game, too. And with an extra obstacle thrown in. 

>>Thanks for not saying anything to the guys, by the way. 

>Too many surprises for one night. Do they even know you speak English?

>>Do they know YOU speak English? They know I’m older than I said, but I don’t think they know I’m older than you. They don’t know my real name. 

>Well I know you speak English, and I know you’re older than me. Do I get to know your real name?

>>Chris. 

>I like that. It’ll be weird to get used to, though. 

>>How about Chan is an asshole, but I’m Chris. 

>Nice try. Get some sleep. 

>>I should’ve told you the moment I was sure. I’m sorry. Goodnight. 

🎥🖤🎥🖤🎥🖤🎥

What little sleep you’d received couldn’t even be bolstered by the incredible amount of coffee you swallowed the next morning. You caught Chan doing the same over the lip of your mug and he choked on his coffee, ears reddening as he went to finish getting ready. The other boys looked just as puzzled at Chan’s outburst. Minho was quiet as he slid up next to you at the counter in the kitchen, letting the rest of the room talk over him. 

“Porn, huh?” He wasn’t judgmental, he wasn’t rude. He was simply curious. He watched you carefully nod into your mug. “It’s good? You enjoy it?”

You nodded again. “Do you mind?”

“No,” Minho smiled, “I’m a little jealous, but that’s not your fault. I’m just glad you didn’t sleep with Hyunjin just because you wanted to. He’s been so dramatic about the whole thing.”

You tried not to laugh too loudly, settling instead for another helping of coffee. 

“Who was best?” Minho smirked at you. “Objectively speaking, of course. Was it Channie-hyung?”

You did laugh now, but tried to keep it down. You shook your head. “I didn’t sleep with Chan.”

“Ah,” Minho smiled, “so I was probably the best.”

The two of you shared a snickered laugh between you before you set about the rest of the day. Truly, it was a bizarre experience. You and the boys all shared looks like you all knew something was running in the background. They were hyper-aware. Some of their actions and banter seemed stilted, distracted. Jisung had to run a line five times because his mind was so firmly somewhere else. Not to mention Minho and Changbin would not stop looking at you, and Chan was back on his trajectory of nervously avoiding you altogether. 

Chan also happened to be where you were the most lost. You were still hurt, of course, that hadn’t changed, but you were conflicted. Here was this guy, this friend, this confidant that you’d known for so long, but now an unexpected series of events put a strain on that relationship, on that trust. You were confident that guy was still in there, but you couldn’t quite make an estimate on when you would be open to returning to that. Despite all logic saying otherwise, you almost hoped it would be soon. However, if he kept avoiding you, whether for shame or shyness, you wouldn’t get it in the near future. 

You were still keeping up appearances, even so close to wrapping the show, taking care of the odd chore here and there and helping the boys pack. You were heading to Jisung and Hyunjin’s room to fix the beds when a hand shot out from the bathroom and grabbed you. Changbin held a finger to his lips as he did the same to yours while Minho leaned over and turned on the shower to its hottest and hardest setting, quickly filling the room with steam and the minor roar of running water. The three of you were huddled by the toilet, with Changbin letting you go so he could sit up on top of the tank and Minho leaned against the sink. The boys signaled for you to be quiet until the door opened again. It was Hyunjin. All three boys reached for their mic packs to turn them off and Hyunjin crowded in beside you. 

“You didn’t sleep with Channie-hyung,” Minho said quietly as he eyed the camera, apparently hidden in a vanity light over the mirror. 

“Yeah,” you ogled, “so?”

“So, noona,” Changbin explained, “that puts us in the odd predicament of—“

“We want that money,” Hyunjin blurted. 

“We want that money,” Minho confirmed.

“What?!”

All three boys pounced on you to quiet your outburst. 

Minho was the first to pipe back up. “Noona, you said it yourself. You want to wring these monsters dry. We’re not exactly doing that if you don’t run away with all the money you can. Don’t you want to win?”

“I am not sleeping with Chan,” you laughed tepidly. 

“Why not? He’s crazy about you,” Hyunjin reeled, “at least, I hope he is with how he acts about you. Otherwise he’s a lunatic.”

“Well I’m not crazy about him,” you insisted. 

“Then it’s work! It’s work like you were hired to do in this stupid game,” Changbin persisted. “What did Chan-hyung ever do to you?”

“Aside from being a creep?” You deadpanned. The boys all looked a bit guilty. You knew they were right, but you hated how much personal bullshit was in the way. “Besides, what would you even be doing with your shares? Hyunjin, you’re fucking rich.”

“And I’m very fucking close to being cut off by my parents when they find out where I’ve been this whole time,” Hyunjin retorted, “which is not at a couple conventions for school like they currently think.”

“Jisung isn’t rich,” Minho pressed, “he wants to open a game bar with his friends and needs a starting investment. I’m not rich either and while I would appreciate tuition to finish culinary school, tuition won’t help me move to Japan to keep training.”

“Well?” You looked at Changbin, exasperated. “Go on, then, tell me the awesome thing you’re doing with your share.”

“It’s a nest egg for my physical therapy doctorate,” Changbin admitted. 

You let out a thorough groan. “Well, I can’t do it,” you flippantly explained, “and even if I did, I don’t have a plan.”

All three boys beamed at you, but Minho looked particularly proud. “We do.”

🎥🖤🎥🖤🎥🖤🎥

Finding Chan wasn’t difficult once you figured out his game. Whatever his reason was for avoiding you, you at least knew he would be doing his laundry again before he finished packing. You listened carefully in your room, waiting for footsteps to travel from his room down to the basement. This lined up with how you were sure you caught him coming down here earlier in the day. You stepped lightly, trying not to let your heels click on the floor as you let yourself in. Sure enough, there was Chan, oblivious as he finished loading his laundry into the dryer. It took him shutting the door to the machine to finally see you still standing at the doorway. You quietly pulled the door closed behind you. 

Chan stood, surprised and silent while he waited for you to do something, say something. His eyes were on your fingers, watching as they gathered at the top of your blouse and plucked open the top button. Chan gulped. His throat apparently ran dry. 

“What’re you—“

“Oppa,” you said clearly as you eyed the camera in the back of the room, “I’m sorry for yesterday. I was so intimidated when you revealed your age to me, but I know you only told me because you want to trust me. I want you to know you can. I trust you, too.”

It was cheesy and ridiculous and entirely unsubstantiated, enough so that Chan was bewildered as he checked the settings on the dryer and surreptitiously scanned the room to find the camera you were clearly acting for. He found it, nestled amongst the detergents and cleaning products on the shelves lining the back of the room. Chan rigidly turned back to see you undo the next button on your blouse. He visibly swallowed again before he started the dryer, the machine instantly broadcasting a solid hum as he warily approached you. 

“What’re you doing?” He asked quietly as you worked at the third button. His ears burned crimson when you switched off your mic pack and drew him close, sliding your hands around his waist and doing the same for his, flicking the tiny black switch. 

“I trust you,” you breathed, “do you trust me?” Chan nodded timidly. You looked up at him, your gaze meeting his and you could swear you could hear your heart thumping. Maybe his, too. You leaned forward first. He hesitated. His fingers swept your hair back like they had the previous night, only cautiously now. The pouty lips that inspired his username were parted, almost as if Chan wanted to say something, but instead closed the gap between your mouths as he finally kissed you. 

You’d pictured this more than a few times, being kissed by Duckie — Chris — Chan — but you still hadn’t predicted how passionate this would feel, how he would groan low in his throat the moment you reciprocated as if he’d been craving it. 

“Are you sure?” Chan murmured. He waited for your shallow nod before he kissed you again, his firm hands gently pressing you against the door and his parted lips grazing your neck. “Any rules?” 

“Yeah,” you smirked, “make it look good.”

“Got it,” Chan laughed quietly, but even then he was surprised as you pushed him back and started working at the buttons of his shirt. He charged ahead and pulled off his blazer and shirt for you, dropping them to the floor and you found yourself suddenly confronted once again with this chest that you were very familiar with. You attempted to convince yourself that you were just making it look good, but you knew damn well that the camera could not see as you took a moment to run your hands over him, letting your fingers roam the dips and planes of his body. It was a surreal experience, walking your fingers along the lines of his arms, his torso, his hips, previously only committed to memory from pictures and videos. Chan capitalized on your distraction to take over in finishing undoing the buttons of your shirt, but even then his hands hesitated to open your blouse more until you finally came back around and did it for him. 

If Chan was going to be as gentle as you predicted, you’d known you would have to wind him up. You had reviewed the entire Rolodex of mental notes you’d taken since knowing him before even coming in here, and hopefully it would pay off. Mostly, you’d hoped it would successfully rile him up, but you had to admit you mostly wanted to see his focus set entirely on you. Your hands swept up his arms to his neck to pull him close for another deep kiss, the speed of the gesture making you fall back against the door with him in tow. Chan instantly grunted at the move, especially as your knee rubbed up against his thigh. His hands were quick to respond, and you gasped as he grabbed your leg, wrapping you around him so he could press against you. He paused as he felt the garter holding up your stocking, intrigued by the discovery. Chan leaned away, enough that you could see his impressed smirk. You’d tried to remember every piece of lingerie, every hairstyle, every nuance of your makeup he’d ever complimented, just in case he’d needed any extra convincing, but that apparently wasn’t so necessary as he dropped your leg and pulled you along to back you up against the washing machine. 

You were excited to see if Chan could think on his feet as much as you had been, and he didn’t fail to surprise you as he hazarded a quick glance at the camera to make sure you were both positioned at a good angle for coverage before he reached forward and brazenly unzipped your skirt. He watched with satisfaction as the garment fell to the floor, better revealing your garters and the panties that smartly complemented your bra. His gaze wasn’t just hungry, it almost looked affectionate, and you didn’t even know what to do with that realization before he thankfully interrupted it by easily picking you up and pushing you on top of the washing machine. Chan swept your hair back before he kissed you again, his hands gliding over around your waist and behind you to unclip and slip off your bra. You let out a content sigh as his lips trailed over your neck and shoulders, only stopping as he caught you unbuckling his belt. Chan kicked off his shoes and slacks, but suddenly put a hand on yours as you dipped your fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs. 

“I swear to god,” he laughed into your shoulder as he kissed you there again, “do not make me get naked on this show.”

You couldn’t contain your giggle and Chan quickly stifled you with another kiss to your lips, planting a trail of kisses down your chin and throat, down between your cleavage and down over your stomach before his warm breath ghosted over your soaked pussy. He tugged your panties off and let them drop to the floor before he grasped at the straps of your garters on your thighs, spreading you open and slinging your legs over his shoulders as he finally placed a kiss to your soft pussy lips. Your groans echoed each other as his tongue explored you, getting to know you on this new level as his hands hungrily grabbed onto you, rubbing affectionate little circles into your thighs with his thumbs. Somehow, it almost seemed like Chan also remembered some notes of his own as you felt his fingers probe against your entrance. He wasn’t fast with the thrusting digits, just like you liked it, as he slowly scissored them in and out of you in contrast with his quick tongue.

Chan held you down as you writhed against his mouth and fingers, easily making you sit and take it while he worked you into a breathless mess, and you could feel the seeds of an orgasm being planted. You quickly dismissed the thought; getting too caught up in the idea would put too much pressure to finish, especially with him. This, however, didn’t seem to be an issue that occurred to him as he continued to goad you into cumming, his other hand snaking up your belly and between your breasts to gently grip your throat. He didn’t squeeze, he really only placed his hand possessively around your neck — just the way you wanted it. You might’ve casually mentioned that to him, once, months ago, and that realization was what sent you over the edge into a shuddering orgasm, whining and whimpering as you threaded your fingers into Chan’s hair and tugged since he still wouldn’t let you grind your hips against or away from his tongue. 

Chan finally pulled back, chin glistening and a satisfied smirk on his face as he came up for air and stood to straighten his back out. You caught your breath while you looked him over, his flushed cheeks apparent even through his light makeup and still contrasting with the pretty shade of pink that had spread through him, down to his chest and further down still to Chan’s rigid erection still concealed in his boxer briefs. From prior knowledge, you were sure his length was blushing as well and fit to leak precum at any moment. You caught each other’s eye, exposed in ogling each other and inexplicably bashful from it before you broke the tension and sat up on the washing machine to hop off onto the floor. Chan watched, patiently curious as you switched places now and pushed him back against the machine. His pupils were blown wide with arousal, taking in the sight of you pulling out his cock into your warm grip and, sure enough, it was cutely red and leaking the moment you felt it bare in your hand. Chan choked out a shivered moan as you gently stroked him. 

You leaned up now, meeting his gaze before you kissed him deep, your tongue languidly swiping against his before you pulled back, just enough to make a show of letting a single drip of saliva fall from your lips and onto his cock in your hand before massaging it onto his length — just the way he liked it. Chan leaned forward, resting his head on your shoulder as you firmly stroked his cock, his moans almost pretty and restrained as he clenched his fists. He apparently didn’t want too much, his head leaning back once as he let out a thick groan before he grabbed your hips again, now impatiently bending you over the washing machine. The soft, slick head of Chan’s cock pressed up against your sensitive pussy lips before prodding into your entrance. You could hear him let out a steady breath, punctuated with his gripping fingers on your hip as he teased the length inside you. He bottomed out with a content sigh and, with the angle figured out, he pulled at your elbow to hold you back against his chest as he finally fucked you. 

Chan was precise as you felt his fingers slide down your torso and between your legs to toy with your clit and you gasped, a sharp tingle of overstimulation shooting straight through your hips. 

“Wait, wait,” you gasped, “too much—“

“I know,” Chan murmured as he dragged his lips along your shoulder and up to your throat, “I want to try something.”

Your nails dug into his arm as he softly stroked your clit, still soaked from his tongue as he fucked you. You knew exactly what he was trying. Again, ages ago, you had told Chan about the first time a guy got you to cum twice and you didn’t have to fake it, and it was by doing exactly this, fucking you from behind as he played with your clit. Chan almost growled against your neck as he worked you over, his turgid length hitting you at the right angle where he had you stood up like this so he could rub up against your most sensitive spot. You knew this had to be loud as hell, Chan groaning and you whining as his cock rammed into you, but you found it hard to worry about being heard when all that currently occupied your thoughts was white noise. The only thing you could focus on was Chan and fucking Chan, and fucking Chan while he intently worked to make you cum again. 

“You feel so good,” he panted behind you, and it wasn’t a revelation, it was a confirmation. You wondered, for a moment, if he’d been thinking of this just as often as you had, if he casually thought about it every once in a while as you had for years now. 

“You feel so good,” you gasped, even more so as his other hand moved up to gently hold your throat again. It hadn’t even occurred to you that another orgasm was actually building in you again until that pot boiled over, and Chan cursed and moaned out loud as you whimpered through your climax on his cock, the depths of your pussy contracting around and constricting his length. 

Chan gently slid out of you and turned you around in his arms so he could lean you back against the washing machine to regain your composure. You allowed the exhausted kiss he pressed to your temple. He caught his breath as well, but he seemed preoccupied as you clung to him, your arms around his waist. It was for support, sure, but actually experiencing his presence like this was still a little surreal. His cock, streaked in your juices, was nudged up against your thigh as he held you. He raised a curious eyebrow as you lifted your leg and wrapped yourself around him as he had you do earlier. His eyes silently implored you as you reached down between your bodies to guide his slick erection back inside of you. 

He hesitated. Really?

You nodded. Yes. 

Between you still recovering from both orgasms and Chan still working on getting his, you both struggled out a moan as he rocked into you again, his persistently hard cock dragging along your sore walls. You were both a mess of tangled hair and perspiration. Chan held fast onto you, one arm around your waist and a hand still holding your spread leg around his hip, so intent to chase his peak that he wasn’t even opening up for the camera anymore. An odd sense of intimacy raised the hair on the back of your neck; it was just you and him right now. You reached for him, your fingers cupping his face and drawing him close for a shaky kiss. It was apparent from his eyes shut in concentration, his breathy gasps, his stuttered moans, that he wasn’t going to be able to hold back much longer, but you knew you wanted to be the one to push him over the edge. 

You leaned back just enough that he could sense you looking up into his eyes, but still staying close enough that you could speak to him under your breath. He gazed at you under his heavy eyelashes, his eyes soaked in infatuation to the point of intoxication. 

“I want to try something,” you grinned exhaustedly. Chan couldn’t even muster the stamina to say something; he only nodded. Your fingers curled into his hair and drew him close, and your breath tickling his ear made him shudder. 

“Cum.”

Your one-word command seemed to send a shock through Chan as he gritted and groaned through his orgasm, starting at his hips and emanating through to his fingers clutching onto you as his weight collapsed against you. His hips stuttered as he rode it out, your exhausted pussy still responsive enough to throb and milk his cock of every drop of cum he probably ever saved for you. 

You held him like that, still dazedly stroking his hair with your fingers as he gasped for air where he was deadweight against your shoulder. Finally, Chan seemed to gain enough wherewithal to let himself slide out of you and finally grab his pants, digging out his phone to check the time. His eyes grew comically wide, blinking back to life as he realized he needed to put himself back together in time to film the formal finale when he was distracted by your fingers on his wrist. He looked pointedly at your hand there before his eyes followed your arm back up to your eyes, trying hard to make sure you wouldn’t forget this. His tense shoulders softened and he stopped where he stood, about to snatch up the rest of his clothes, and switched tracks to instead pull you close again. Chan stroked your hair back away from your forehead and kissed you gently on the lips when a crash came through the laundry room door. 

You both jolted as Minho came clambering into the doorway of the small room, dragging Hyunjin by the collar of his shirt. They were both interrupted by the sight of both of you, practically naked and still embracing each other. 

“You whore!” Minho theatrically denounced. He was aghast as he tugged Hyunjin to attention, who was currently distracted by your exposed form. “I was going to ask you why the hell I found your underwear in Hyunjin’s luggage while I was helping him pack, but I can see you’re a bit busy.” Minho even brandished the offending garment for effect. 

Chan warily eyed the boys and then you before the pieces locked into place. He surreptitiously shoved his cock back into his briefs before he marched forward. You watched as Chan snatched the panties from Minho’s hand and quickly wheeled around to confront you. 

“I’m sure there’s something I’m not understanding here,” Chan insisted, “I’m sure Hyunjin just stole these from you, right?” 

You were suddenly very glad you were mostly turned away from the camera in the back of the room as Chan’s sudden dramatics nearly made you crack. Thankfully, Hyunjin saved you before you could be caught laughing. 

“No, stupid,” Hyunjin sneered, “she let me have them after we fucked. Why do you think Jisung got all pissy with me last night? He fucked her, too.”

“Hyunjin, you fucked her?!” Minho reeled. Chan stepped forward, squaring up against Hyunjin in the doorway. 

“When?!” Chan interrogated as he dramatically balled his fist into the collar of Hyunjin’s shirt. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Hyunjin giggled, his shit-eating grin wide before Chan beat his other fist into the door of the laundry room. The three of you silently alerted to Chan’s outburst, feeling a touch more genuine than the rest of the charade. Admittedly, the finer details of when and where you slept with them all was a bit glossed over in your impromptu meeting the previous night.

“Tell me, you little shit,” Chan theatrically pushed him, getting back on the level, “you get one last chance to say you’re lying.”

“Chan, I—“ you piped up behind them. All three boys glared back at you and you nearly broke into a fit of laughter again. Chan turned his attention back to threateningly cocking his fist back. 

“You better admit you’re lying,” Chan warned, before Minho clapped a hand onto his fist. You quietly tried to grab your clothes as the boys hashed it out. 

“What good is that going to do? I slept with her too,” Minho admonished. Hyunjin and Chan turned to gape at you in disbelief. 

“Besides, I don’t need to tell you anything,” Hyunjin laughed as he turned his attention back to Chan, “she knows I was better anyway.”

“Or she pitied you,” Chan retorted. This was all so much more exaggerated than you’d imagined, and doubly so as he apparently struck a nerve with Hyunjin, who proceeded to headbutt Chan directly in his nose. He rocked back on his feet, a hand clapped over his nose as he cursed. You and Minho both gasped, unable to stop Chan as he reacted with a swift punch to Hyunjin’s stomach and sent him crumpling to the floor. Minho squared his shoulders against Chan as you sneakily began to get a little more dressed. 

“You fucking brute, I’ve had it with you—” Minho barked, and Chan got in his face. 

“Don’t be mad at me because I fucked her, too,” Chan shook his head, when Hyunjin got back to his senses enough to tackle into Chan’s knees. Chan dragged Minho down with him, and all three boys were suddenly in a scuffle on the floor, blocking you from leaving the laundry room. 

It didn’t look like it could get much worse until Changbin strolled downstairs, supposedly unaware of all the commotion. 

“Hey, we’re going to be filming soon—“ and Changbin was cut off as he witnessed all three boys wrestling and scrapping on the floor, with you still half-dressed behind them. Even as Changbin tried to break it up, the three boys accused him of sleeping with you as well and he was promptly dragged into the fray. 

It was getting out of hand fast when Jisung finally arrived down to the basement. He stood, paused at the bottom of the stairs, and you again nearly burst into a fit of laughter at how preposterous this whole thing became. Now as Jisung entered the conflict, the boys all slowed to a stop to regard him. Comically suspicious looks were cast all around, from the boys tangled in a bruised heap on the floor, to Jisung pulling off what was probably the best performance of his life looking utterly destroyed, to you as you did your best to look as guilty as you had been. To top it all off, Jisung quietly shook his head before silently retreating back upstairs. It was a scene straight from a drama. 

Seungmin came bounding down the stairs then, no doubt trying to find the cast and looking shocked at the scene he stumbled into. The boys all looked downtrodden, eyes shooting daggers as they untangled themselves and sulked back upstairs. Each of them caught your eye as they headed up, the small looks you caught ranging between bemusement to trepidation of if this would even work. Chan raised an eyebrow at you as he was finally able to grab his clothes. You were tempted to reach out, to try and tend to his nose still spilling blood, but he pulled away, seemingly in disgust as he gingerly pawed at it. 

“Holy shit,” Chan laughed quietly as he turned away from the camera, “I didn’t know they had it in them.”

The finale itself seemed like such small stakes after the brawl in the basement. All the boys had a quiet intensity to them, especially after the fit the production crew threw after they had shown up bruised and beaten. They refused to tell the staff what exactly they were fighting over, so now they just sat, bandaged and extra made up, while they waited to film. 

You had your own role to play, of course, the finale following some ridiculous plot where the ominous ‘headmaster’ had sent an inspector to expose a saboteur amongst their care staff. There was a chance for you, the chauffeur, and — of course — the cook to make your cases. You looked over all the boys as you stood before them, trying to decipher all their indecipherable looks. 

“I wish I didn’t have to prove my innocence to you,” you told them, and it was like the cameras and crew weren’t even there as you were all assembled in the dining room, “and I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt me or distrust me. I care for all of you.”

The line girl behind the camera was bewildered at your admission, entirely improvised from what was on the script, but the director waved to signal that you were alright. Each of the boys all seemed to soften, to relax a little for the rest of the scene. Chan had a guilty smile until it agitated his nose (which had apparently been dislocated and needed to be reset before filming, much to Hyunjin’s pride and chagrin.) Minho looked pleased, either with you or himself, while Changbin still looked a bit concerned and nervous. Hyunjin was just bored by now, his ideas of acting completely thrown into perspective by all this. Jisung was harder to pin, and you still felt ultimately responsible for whatever he was coping with. 

Obviously, the inspector spouted out a ton of exposition and off-screen reasoning before revealing the cook. Everyone looked the appropriate amount of scandalized before the cook was carted off by the inspector. The rest of the finale went just as smoothly, but felt so insignificant now. The boys looked humble and excited as they received their prizes and accolades, but everything was run through a filter. Did the staff see it like you did? The farewells after wrapping the show didn’t even feel final. Each embrace from them lingered, sharing meaningful looks that promised you would find them again, if only to make sure they got their cut. 

Felix arrived then, the red bruise on his cheek contrasting humorously with his blue suit. Seungmin, the other staff, and even the director gave him a previously unseen gravitas, greeting him and sucking up as if he were the Big Boss himself and not just his assistant. Felix curtly congratulated the cast for wrapping the show and offered them company cars for rides. Everyone exchanged glances before tersely declining. Felix nodded, understanding, and all five boys exited with looks back over their shoulders to you as they left you in the house. You heart thumped, almost in pain as you watched them go. 

The crew began to clear out as well, and soon it was just you and Felix, eyeing you suspiciously. The turnover was fast, a new crew rolling in right away  to set up. Jeongin cheerily greeted you before helping light the living room. Felix was still staring you down. You approached him warily. 

“Your face is going to get stuck like that,” you mused. 

“I can’t believe what I saw in the raw feed today,” he glowered. He waved over a gofer and asked them for a coffee before turning back to you. “You’re greedy, you know that?”

“You’re going to be fine, Felix,” you scoffed. Felix paused as a coffee was promptly placed in his hands and he regarded it, disgruntled.  

“I just have no clue what I’m going to do if I lose this job. I love my job.”

“Yeah, well,” you raised an eyebrow, “your job exploited some pretty great guys.”

Felix sighed, still gazing into his coffee cup. You took one step closer to him. 

“You were exploited, too, Felix. I’m sure you’re great at your job. Don’t waste it on these people.”

The sigh in Felix’s chest renewed. He hung his head before he finally looked at you again. “You look good, by the way.”

“I know,” you deadpanned.

You sauntered away in search of Jeongin, hoping he’d be the one with your pages and a breakdown of the finale. It was certainly less fanfare and a lot less setup than the boys’ finale had been. 

A host you’d never met before arrived and introduced himself, saying he loved working on your show as he shook your hand. Your finale was really an interview, where you got to pretend to be super proud of yourself and comment on the different cast members. The host’s questions were vacuous and no less exploitative than the rest of the show, and you spied Felix beyond the lights looking thoroughly miserable. 

Your finale felt meaningless as well, just another step towards washing your hands of this forever, and you were grateful when you wrapped and went to change. The only significant part of your farewell was seeing your bedroom emptied of your belongings. A soft footfall at the door alerted you and you turned, finding Felix there again. 

“I’m entirely on the wrong side, aren’t I?”

It wasn’t much of a question from him. You turned, now changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a hoodie before you approached him. You set your luggage down, raising your hand to gently cup his face and careful to avoid the bruise Chan had slapped into him. 

“You’re on the wrong side,” you agreed, “but you can choose to be better. Maybe I’ll run into you again someday.”

“Maybe,” Felix nodded with a reluctant smirk. 

“Don’t stop being a fan, okay?” You grinned. Felix laughed before offering you a company car for a ride as he had with the boys. He wasn’t even offended as you laughed sarcastically and refused. You grabbed your bag and ascended the stairs. You walked into the living room. You walked into the foyer. You opened the front door. 

And you walked out onto the street. 

🎥🖤🎥🖤🎥🖤🎥

You picked a direction and walked. The house was only a block behind you, looming, when you found him. Chan sat atop his rolling luggage on the corner, flicking through his phone when he noticed you coming his way. He hopped off to greet you, only for you to breeze right past him down the sidewalk. Chan grabbed the handle of his bag and trotted after you. “Did everything go okay?” He asked as he kept up beside you. You nodded with a shrug. 

“Sure. Sorry I can’t talk long; I have to meet up with a friend.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” you nodded earnestly, “I need to return something of his.”

Chan watched curiously as you fished the pendant of his necklace out from under your hoodie where it hung. “Weird,” he smirked, “I had a necklace just like that.”

“Weird,” you agreed. “Who are you again?”

It was your turn to grin as Chan dramatically slapped his forehead. “Of course; I’m terrible with introductions.” He stopped you on the sidewalk and grabbed your hand in his to shake it. “I’m Chan, but my friends call me Duckie, and my really good friends call me Chris.”

You grinned as you shook his hand. “Ah, right, Chris. I thought you looked familiar. I have something that belongs to you.” 

Chan — Duckie — Chris — tried to restrain a bashful smile as you unclasped his necklace from around your neck and reached your hands up to clasp it around his. The moment it hung on him, his smile dropped. “I’m sorry again.”

“I know,” you nodded, “but you were there for me and I appreciate it.”

“I would do it all again if I had to,” Chris smiled softly. 

“What,” you mused, “take advantage of a sleazy production like this to run off with way more money than expected?”

Chris nodded heartily. “In a heartbeat.”

“Sure,” you giggled as you waved down a taxi, “and while we’re at it we can make our own show that’s actually worth watching.”

“I mean, I don’t see why not,” Chris retorted. He paused as he watched you load your bag into the taxi that pulled up to the curb. He looked like he missed you already as you pulled open the door and looked back at him. 

“Am I going to see you again?” He asked. 

“What a dumb question,” you laughed as you waved goodbye. “Call me next time you have to do some laundry.”

[lavendette]

This might be kinda long, so I’ll put a keep reading, but there have been some major coincidences popping up in regards to my family history the past few months and I just want to get it all down somewhere.

We know quite a bit about the history on my dad’s side of the family. My paternal grandmother’s family fled Russia, walked through China (where they had my grandmother), and lived in a camp in the Philippines until they immegrated to San Fran when my grandmother was 14. My grandmother’s aunt wrote out the story of their survival in a book that was originally in Russian, but translated to English, and given to each member of the family. I have an English copy on my bedside table. Also on my bedside table is a book written by my fathers paternal uncle, my great uncle, which is filled with the diary entries of my uncle Jim growing up in Montana. It includes so many stories of their life, pictures of family and friends, and a family tree that goes back a few generations. Unlike the book from my grandmother’s side; which is a collection of photocopied typewriter pages, coil bound, with a clear plastic front and back protector/cover; my uncle Jim went full out and had the copies he sent out leather bound with the title “Montana Memories” in gold font across the cover and the spine of the book. I treasure both of these books dearly, hence why they are permanently on my nightstand, and have always known a fair bit about where we come from on my dad’s side because of these books.

On my mothers side however, we’ve never really known much. While my fathers parents families both saw the importance of keeping family records, my mothers family didn’t seem interested in the practice. My maternal grandparents had both passed quite sudently while I was young. When I would ask about my mothers heritage, I was told that she didn’t know much, and certainly not as much as we know about my fathers side. My maternal grandfather was always described as “White? English and maybe Scottish? I don’t know he’s just Canadian”, while my maternal grandmother’s heritage was abit trickier due to her being adopted. In the past year or so, my mother has been getting more and more interested in learning about her heritage and family, and that’s where the first coincidences start to take place.

When I was 17, I started university. I decided to go to university far away from home, and chose one that was a 7 hour drive from my childhood home. It was at university that I met my now husband, who grew up around 30-40mins from the university, in a town I’ll call C. For a year or so, we lived in his hometown, before finally graduating and moving on. This past October, after 7 years of dating, we got married. I’ve talked abit about it before, but we had a small ceremony with our immediate family in my husbands grandparents backyard, which is in another small town, which I’ll call A, located outside of C. My mother had found out that her father had been born in town A, and had relatives buried near by. After our wedding, we went out and looked for their headstones. The cemetery that my relatives were buried in was slightly outside of town A, in a beautiful area, with a big wrought iron gate and an old brick church, and was one that my husband and I had driven past too many times to count. This was a cemetery that I would ask to drive past when we went on country drives. This was a cemetery that I loved, that was 7 hours away from my family, that we were now finding out contained my family. This was such a strange and amazing coincidence, but it continued. We found my mothers paternal grandmother, her “Old Nana”, and then continued to find other relatives. While walking the cemetery, we stopped along the church to look at the oldest headstones in the yard, those belonging to the founders of the town, and the first settlers of the area. Low and behold there is that same last name. We leave the cemetery feeling so high - how unlikely is it that the town that my husband and I were married in the day before, where his grandparents reside, 7 hours away from my family home, could be settled - in part - by my direct ancestors? We continue on with our day, but I get the feeling that we need to look into it more. While driving to our next destination, I look up the name of the man from the headstone. A complete biography pops up, which includes the name of my mothers paternal grandmother as a decendent. This confirms that our wild conclusions are true, how amazing is that? And then I continue to read, and it goes even deeper. The biography includes the piece of land that this man and his family lived on and settled when the town was just beginning. It is on the exact same road that my husband and I were married on. The spot where my relatives lived after immigrating from Scotland to aide the start up of the textile industry in town A, was a few lots away from where my husbands paternal grandparents would move when they immegrated from England in the 80’s. After returning home, my mother also went on to find that her paternal grandparents had also been married in town A, and then had been sworn in in town C, where my husband grew up.

The most recent coincidence that has been uncovered is in regards to my mothers maternal side. My grandmother had been adopted at a young age, and had waited to learn about her biological family until after her adopted parents died. She was able to connect with a brother and a sister before she passed, and found out the name of her mother, but that was about it. For Christmas this year, my brother and sister paid for my mother to get a subscription to Ancestry.com, which she was very excited about. Today she finally found the papers with my grandmother’s biological mothers name, and decided to dive into some research. She found out that my grandmother was one of around 10 children. She found out that my grandmother’s mother had been married at least once. She found out the names of my grandmother’s maternal grandparents. And most interestingly, she found out the those maternal grandparents were wed in my childhood town, where my parents still live today. This is a town of maybe 200 people tops, a blip on the radar, a single flashing light town, a town that my parents chose to live in because it was half way between my fathers work and my mothers work 30+ years ago, and apparently a town in which my mothers biological greatgrandparents were wed. Another unbelievable coincidence.

How many stars had to align to create these coincidences? Were we subconsciously drawn to these places because of our ancestors? It all feels like a big cosmic joke, or a nod from the universe as if to say “See what I did there?”.

[juniper-and-lamplight]

Podfic Favorites

7/8/2018

I promised a rebloggable podfic rec list, and here it is! I've recced most of these before, so this is more of round-up than a brand-new rec list; it's multifandom, as usual; it's organized alphabetically by podficcer's name; and it's restricted to no more than 5 pods per podficcer. All of these and more can be found in the podfic tag of my bookmarks. Recs under the cut!

A Symphony of Chemical Reactions - what_alchemy, read by @cellardoortumbles | Cellar_Door - 2k, 22min, T, John/Sherlock "Cooking’s just chemistry and time management." Vivid, quirky Sherlock POV in the text +  excellent use of music and sound in the pod = an extra-charming podfic. Use headphones to get the full audio experience!

More Things Than Are Dreamt Of series - 1electricpirate, read by @consultingsmartarse |  consulting_smartass - 38k, 1hr, M to E, John/Sherlock (Harry Potter fusion AU) “In which John is (reluctantly) a wizard, Mycroft is (apparently) omniscient, and Sherlock is (surprisingly) oblivious.” Hands-down my favorite Potterlock fic, and consulting_smartass' podfics are nuanced and immersive -- I've listened to them countless times now.

Sussex - SilentAuror, read by consulting_smartass - 26k, 3hrs, E, John/Sherlock “John can’t seem to stop touching Sherlock. He can push the anger away, but sometimes he just needs to take Sherlock’s pulse again. Slight angst, case-fic, post-Reichenbach.” Ah, nothing like realistic emotional constipation on the parts of our heroes. This was one of the first podfics I loved enough to download so that I'd always have access to it.

The Stars Move Still - BeautifulFiction, read by consulting_smartass and aranel_parmadil - 96k, 9hrs 48min, E, John/Sherlock, AU "What could I want so desperately that would make me sell my soul? What could possibly compel me to surrender the part of myself that makes me who I am: the source of my magic, my self-control, everything?" I avoided this fic for YEARS because I hate Faust, so I was extremely pleased to discover that the inspiration is VERY loose and thus, the fic, and the pod version, is lovely and incredibly immersive.

Carry On - Mazarin221b, read by consulting_smartass - 4k, 35min, M, John/Sherlock "Five times John didn't want to be carried, and one time he did." One of my favorite 5+1 fics, and a perfectly paced short pod.

Left - lifeonmars, read by consulting_smartass - 45k, 5hrs, E, John/Sherlock, magical realism AU "John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible." Honestly, consulting_smartass' talent has broadened my fanfic horizons, because while I'm generally not keen on reading AUs (especially long ones), I'm amenable to listening to them -- and so I don't miss out on fantastic fics & performances like this one.

The Girlfriend Experience, rageprufrock, read by dodificus - 9k, 2hrs, E, Dean/Castiel “While it’s not like Dean hasn’t had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.” Sometimes, when a podficcer's accent is different than the accents in the source material, it just works in ways you wouldn't have expected-- this pod is one of those times.

The Company - Rulerofthefakeempire, read by @dr-fumbles-mcstupid | Dr_Fumbles_McStupid and RsCreighton - 2k, 11min, T, Dirk/Todd "He’s imagined this moment so often that it feels like he just doing it again, waking up with a hangover next to Dirk Gently. And Dirk’s naked." A quietly funny fic, and a quietly funny performance.

Interrogation - goingtoalaska, read by Dr_Fumbles_McStupid - 2k, 13 min, G, Dirk/Todd "Of course Dirk has some extremely important questions that can only be asked in the middle of the goddamn night, obviously." Almost entirely dialogue, and really captures the ridiculous-with-an-undercurrent-of-softness vibe of these two characters.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know - leah k (blinkiesays), read by exmanhater - 20k, 2hrs, E, Dean/Castiel "Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest." This podfic is a road-trip standby for me and my Destiel-shipping wife.

A Statue Strong Enough for Two - lady_ragnell, read by exmanhater - 39k, 3hrs 30min, E, Elena/Mithian, superhero AU "Elena is a street-level superhero. A visit from an old enemy forces her to step up and see what she might have to do with the Sidhe who invaded and were sent away twenty years ago. Luckily, she has fellow superheroes to back her up, and a new girlfriend in her regular life to make things feel more normal." In addition to encouraging me to try out AUs, podfic also encourages me to try out rarepairs--I wouldn't have thought to look for fic about these characters, but I'm so glad I stumbled across & listened to this one.

Lab Book - copperbadge, read by FayJay - 5k, 40min, E, John/Sherlock “'The likelihood of finding a cab on Christmas Eve is fast approaching nil.’ 'So was the likelihood of you kissing me in the middle of the pavement, and yet.’” An annual holiday read/listen!

Whatever Remains, However Improbable - ivyblossom and Loudest_Subtext_in_Television, read by @fffinnagain​ | finnagain - 13k, 90min, T, John/Sherlock “The evidence is all there: we know it’s bound to happen. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are going end up together, aren’t they? Obviously!” An experiment in fourth-person omnitemporal tense. Subtle sound effects add dimension to this podfic.

Diversionary Tactics - shinysherlock, read by finnagain - 2k, 16min, E, Molly/Irene, historical AU "Oh. This could be interesting. Irene’s fingers moved to the third button of the dress and paused. 'Shall I just . . . check the rest of you, then? Make sure you’re quite all right?'" A brief, hot, historical PWP, Mollrene style. UNF. Finnagain's performance is very...impassioned--maybe don't listen in public ;)

Seeing Draco Malfoy - khalulu, read by fire_juggler - 12k, 2hrs, E, Harry/Draco A beautifully done podfic, delivered with warmth and humor. Once I listened to it twice in one week and wound up with the phrase “Nubbumping Humdinger” stuck in my head, and it made me bust out smiling at random times :-)

Let Nothing You Dismay - montparnasse, read by Hananobira - 19k, 2hrs, M, Sirius/Remus "There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest." There’s a full-on, sensory vividness to the imagery and descriptions in montparnasse's writing, and LISTENING to those words makes the experience even more immersive.

Splendid Night - Katie Forsythe, read by heuristicdevice - 14k, 1hr 30min, M, Holmes/Watson "A Christmasy spin on MILV with a heart-warming dose of H/W." So much miscommunication! I love this fic so hard, and I ESPECIALLY love the podfic. Heuristic Device’s rendering of “now, please,” in a Certain Scene is both quiet and full of feeling, while other sections of the story are infused with audible humor, excitement, and heartbreak, each as they’re called for.

Stately Homes of Wiltshire - waspabi, read by @lazulus​ - 57k, 6hrs, E, Harry/Draco "Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case." Fair warning that listening to this podfic whilst walking my dog led to funny looks from strangers, because it caused me to laugh at loud for no apparent reason.

A Brand of Gold - aquabelacqua, read by @lockedinjohnlock-podfics​ | Lockedinjohnlock – 12k, 2hrs, M, John/Sherlock “What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once: Flirting.” This fic is just plain beautiful, and the pod is one of my favorite performances by Lockedinjohnlock.

Points - lifeonmars, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 54k, 7 hrs, E, John/Sherlock "What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other." Picture it: yours truly, driving alone and terrified through darkness, rain, and heavy traffic…and yet unwilling to turn off this podfic. THAT’S how deep lifeonmars and Lockedinjohnlock took me into this story.

Midnight Plowboy - weeesi, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 5k, 44min, E, John/Sherlock “'Does it feel like I’m sure?' John whispers into Sherlock's ear. Sherlock swallows again." In which John discovers Sherlock's collection of vintage gay erotica. *imagine several fire emojis here*

Half a Dozen Dances - CeruleanDarkangelis, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 19k, 2.4 hrs, E, John/Sherlock "'Seriously? You? You're going to be a stripper?' John tried to keep the amused incredulity off his face. Judging by the disgruntled look Sherlock gave him, he was not entirely successful in this endeavor.'" Typically, stripper fics are just Not My Thing, but the use of music in this podfic sold me.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea - DiscordantWords, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 40k, 5hrs, M, John/Sherlock "Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown." The way the author & podficcer capture Sherlock's voice in this fic feels SO TRUE: his shattered hubris, his desperate resistance to vulnerability, and the believable way he and John finally get through it all.

Senza Catene - Mad_Lori, read by @oncomingtragedy​ - 6k, 1hr, T, John/Sherlock "Sherlock has a secret hobby. One night John follows him to find out what his flat mate is up to and gets the surprise of his life." The one where Sherlock sings opera--cracky but oh-so-enjoyable. The podfic performance includes several musical interludes.

All Life is Yours to Miss - Saras_Girl, read by originally reads - 114k, 11 hrs 20 min, M, Harry/Draco "Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go." Another one I might have missed (due to personal impatience) if not for the miracle of podfic!  The pod is well-performed, and the slower listening process makes the resolution feel even more satisfying.

The Price We Pay for Wings - Frayach, read by @raitala​ - 13k, 80min, M, Harry/Draco "Scorpius Draconis Eltanin Malfoy read the first book in the Alford Ocamy series over Christmas hols when he was eleven. Well, he didn’t so much “read” it as he devoured it." I've recced this a million times before, and I'll keep reccing it because I CRIED ACTUAL LITERAL TEARS LISTENING TO THIS. 10/10 would be devastated by again.

i don't wanna give you up (i don't wanna let you love somebody else but me) - notcaycepollard, read by @revolutionaryjo​ - 3k, 20min, E, Erin/Jillian "Erin Gilbert is not the second or even the fifth straight girl Jillian’s ever fallen for, and it’s kind of getting to be a problem, except when she sees Dr Erin Gilbert, she thinks, maybe, this woman might be a statistical outlier." Closely observed, funny, hot, and the narrative voice is p e r f e c t (both in the text and in the podfic performance).

The Temporal Tornado - novembersmith, read by RevolutionaryJo and Lunate8 - 3k, 37min, G, Carlos/Cecil "A temporal tornado reduced our most beloved scientist, Carlos, into a darling little toddler version of his already darling self, didn’t it? Yes it did, oh yes it did! Plus, a jellyfish migration is underway, a mysterious series of unexplained crevasses are appearing in the streets of Night Vale, and valuable advice is provided on the care and feeding of children." Audio is the only logical format for a Night Vale fic like this one :)

Common Woodbrown - imochan, read by RevolutionaryJo - 36k, 3hrs 40 min, M, Remus/Sirius "'Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.' In 1985, Remus Lupin realizes that Sirius Black is innocent. Now, he just has to prove it." Both author and podficcer create a sensitive rendering of the angst, fragility, and determination of Remus Lupin.

Sentiment to Paper - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer - 7k, 57min, E, Holmes/Watson "No fewer than three times by the winter of 1883 had I heard Sherlock Holmes disparage the ways of lovers and their irrational tendencies toward writing letters. With this often and loudly-expressed opinion in mind, I was very surprised indeed to find a stack of unsent, unsealed letters in a drawer in his desk." RickyPulsifer’s podfic is a quiet wonder of smooth pacing, emotive delivery, and thoughtful production.

Splendid Creature - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer and the_dragongirl - 2k, 20min, E, Holmes/Watson "Holmes has tired himself out on a case and wants to go straight to sleep. After an orgasm or two. Watson is more than happy to help." A sleepy, steamy PWP featuring a transmasculine Holmes, read by two podficcers whose voices work together beautifully.

Cold Snap - MirithGriffin, read by verityburns - 5k, 34min, E, John/Sherlock “The Mayo Clinic prescription for hypothermia is this: Tea. Blanket fort. Sex. All right, it doesn’t come right out and say that on the website. But Sherlock can read between the lines.” Verity Burns' delivery nails both the snark and the sweetness of this fic.

First Night Out - verityburns, read by the author - 3k, 22min, M, John/Sherlock “As John recovers from the effects of a brutal kidnapping, he and Sherlock attend the Yarders’ Christmas Party. There are… developments on the dance floor…” I loved this fic for YEARS before I listened to the podfic and realized that the audio version–read by the author herself–makes it exponentially more charming and more intimate.

Further fic recs | Fic bookmarks

[luna-rainbow]

j-drama 2018 autumn (part 1)

Japanese actors are out in force this season, with big names heading many dramas, including some actors you rarely see outside of the movies world. So far, all of the dramas have gotten by on the charms of their leads. It's too early to say anything about scripts, but certainly the pacing for a lot of them have been on the slow end. Suits (14.2%) I liked the American version for the quirky chemistry and breezy dialogue, but even then I only sat through maybe half of the first season. I tried watching the Korean one a few months ago and it was completely different to how I remembered it - it was so DARK and OMINOUS, and there was SO MUCH TENSION. I'm speaking in CAPITALS because it was SO DRAMATIC, which was not what I liked about Suits. I have to say the original Harvey had the foxy suave routine down-pat so well that all the other iterations are trying to play catch-up (or doing a bad mime), and I say this as someone who liked Mike better. The Korean version was too serious and straight-laced (but hey, the whole drama was), and the Japanese version... Maybe I just don't get the charm of Oda Yuji. I know he was the thing before the thing became a thing, but whereas Gabriel Macht managed arrogance and sexy in one, Oda just comes across as slightly creepy and rather sleazy. One of the most watchable parts about Suits is the chemistry between Harvey and Mike, the way they are intrigued and frustrated and amused by each other, and is probably what made the show get a second season. Neither the Korean nor Japanese version got this, and the Japanese version took away some defining character moments for Mike - like where Harvey got his senior partner deal taken away, Mike blackmails Harvey who then blackmails his boss to get the partnership back. This is completely absent in the Japanese one, and you don't see the rebelliousness that got Mike into so much trouble in his life. They've tweaked a lot of the cases, which is fine I supposed when you have to talk about law that's relevant to the country. There's nothing that differentiates the countries better than the drug delivery that started the story. That said, the pacing is a rightful mess. I mean, the Korean version took twice as long, but because of all the TENSION it didn't feel like it dragged. Maybe it's the Japanese-ness of it all. Rachel and Jessica had so much spunk in the original, and they are just pretty wallflowers in this one. It might be because there's been 2 versions before it, and things might improve on later episodes. Nevertheless, I don't think this is one I'm going to stick with. Bokura wa kiseki de dekiteiru (7.6%) Despite the poor rating, this was surprisingly watchable. Again, the pacing is slow, but this is not a drama trying to be something greater than itself. It's very slice-of-life, and within it, there are some interesting conflicts and musings about people. Much of the first episode is carried on the charm of Takahashi Issei. It's very easy to make a character this socially inept dislikeable, but Takahashi manages to make him rather sweet and endearing. Of course, the character-building is well-done too, as you can see that he means well and is really a sweet person, but just doesn't quite get it when humans become too complicated. It's nice to see Eikura Nana out again after giving birth, and she gets spunkier with every role. The interaction between her character and Takahashi's bring out some interesting tensions, and probably boils down to the classic type A vs type B personality conflicts, but both of them are struggling with the social construct. Her frankness is not socially acceptable in Japan, whereas his easy-goingness (including tardiness) is also not socially acceptable. It's light and easy to swallow, and made rather sweet by the combined charms of Takahashi, Eikura and Kaname Jun. Boku to Shippo to Kagurazaka I decided to write about this one next because it is also about animals. Unlike BokuKise which only has passing shots of animal skeletons and creepy-crawlies, fluffy animals feature prominently in this one. If you want to watch something "healing", this is it. Aiba is not my ichiban and even so, Aiba + fluffy animals = 40min of smiles. I'm not too sure what direction the plot is going to take. The animals' stories are definitely the main feature, while the interactions of the humans around them are probably...written rather superficially. The vet role suits Aiba soooooooo much more than the unbearable Kizoku Tantei, and he's at the right age where you'd believe he can take on a derelict clinic on his own and do his own splenectomy without hesitating.

[random-thoughts-collection]

Supernatural | 13.15 Review

Supernatural - A Most Holy Man

written by Andrew Dabb & Robert Singer, directed by Amanda Tapping

Supernatural is all over the place these days. Luckily, in episode it finds its way back to Sam and Dean and actually spends a whole episode just focusing on the Winchester brothers. In theory it is a Monster-of-the-week-episode that ties into the overall season’s story arc, but there is actually no monster in it. Instead, Sam and Dean try to find one of their quest items on a black market for religious relics. It’s a decent episode and I enjoyed watching it – but I don’t actually have to say a lot about it.

A huge market for religious relics.

“It's mob talk.”

There are some external factors that set the episode apart from the average episodes - the inspiration by the Noir films for example. The coloring of the episode was not as bright as the episodes usually are, and the change of style could be heard in the music, too.   As for the story: for once, the episode tells only one story and not several stories at the same time. As a result, the story has some room to breathe and is able to give its characters time to think, act and most importantly: feel.

On the surface, Sam and Dean try to navigate through several deals with human criminals who feel a lot like stereotypical impressions of any given character from a Mafia movie, but since Supernatural usually tells different stories the stereotypes are not horribly distracting. As characters in this episode they aren’t really interesting either, and that just seems to be a prominent element of this season: the absence of an even remotely interesting villain. This time, we get Margaret Astor who starts flirting with Sam the minute she lays eyes on him, Richard Greenstreet, a liar and just a nasty guy all around, and Santino Scarpatti, a standard mobster whose actor is mostly known for his work in The Sopranos. The Winchesters meet with them one after another and try to get their hands on the Blood of a most holy man, while Astor, Greenstreet and Scarpatti are after the skull of St. Peter. Most of them end up shooting each other, and none of them have what Sam and Dean actually need.

He's a good guy.

“I don't want a dick like Greenstreet or Scarpatti to win. Not this time.”

But fortunately, there is another character in this episode: Father Lucca Camilleri, a priest that wants to bring the skull of St. Peter back to the monastery where it was stolen from. Although the viewer can’t be sure at first, it turns out this guy is really one of the good guys, and stays a likable character throughout the whole episode. I agree with Sam when he expresses the wish that for once, he wants a good guy like Lucca to win.  

They decide to help Lucca and manage to get the skull back for him – and I am genuinely happy for the guy! He deserves to get it back, and it is nice that the episode ended on that positive note. Especially since Sam and Dean get rewarded for helping him – as it turns out, Lucca can be titled as a most holy man, and with that Sam and Dean get the first item on their list. It’s a shame we don’t see them actually asking for his blood, since that happens off-screen. I would have loved to see them trying to explain why they need his blood.

I have faith.

“You think we could ever change things? I mean, really change things?”

Lucca not only gives Sam and Dean his blood, he also gives them something to think about and gives the internal theme of the story a direction. The three of them have a talk about doing what’s right in the hotel, and it is a talk that feels good to listen to. Lucca has a positive outlook on the world, and his faith inspires both Sam and Dean in their own ways. The result is a nice brother moment in the bunker at the end of the episode where Sam – kind of – asks Dean for optimism, and Dean assures him that he has faith. It’s a nice mirror to the fourth episode where Dean was struggling with depression and needed Sam to have faith for them both because he wasn’t able to do that. Now it is the other way round, and Dean is the one to support Sam.

Aside from doing the right thing and getting rewarded for it, and having faith in what they are doing, there is a third moment directly involving the theme of faith. When the bad guys start shooting each other and with Sam and Dean in the middle of it, Lucca starts praying and from the way it is edited it feels a lot like his prayer might actually have an effect on the outcome of this fight – however, I’m not sure it was intended like that. But Lucca, as he has mentioned before, doesn’t expect a miracle to solve the day and therefore tries to improve things by himself. He gets rewarded too – the bullet that hit him actually just grazed him. 

If I can't have it, nobody can.

There are some wonderful little gems in this episode that haven’t been mentioned in the review so far. I just want to list them here because I really enjoyed them a lot:

“Just that it's very, very important to us. To me.” Sam unapologetically using Astor’s interest in him to his their advantage.

“Look at you. You're like a Boy Scout. You're always prepared.” Sam being prepared and Dean being a proud big brother.

“You believe this guy? You got a set on you, pal. You talk to me like that in this room?” Actually, Dean’s whole interaction with Scarpatti and his men. From his reaction when he has to give up the keys of the Impala to him correcting Scarpatti regarding the ownership of the skull, everything about it is just wonderful to watch. My favorite part about it has to be that look he gives Sam when Scarpatti uses the word “whacked”. And: somewhere in there a cat got a few frames of screen time, and every scene gets improved by the presence of a cat.

“Really, Dean? You can feel it.” Sam being an annoyed little brother.

“If somebody stole the Impala, what would you do?” – “Murder. I'd murder 'em all.” Sam invoking probably one of Dean’s greatest fears and rendering him useless for a conversation in the process.

“What if we get the skull back for you?” Sam taking a liking to Lucca and wanting to help him.

“Lying, it's a sin.” Lucca doesn’t want to lie because it’s a sin. And him asking “Is he okay?” after Dean took out one of the henchmen was just plain adorable.

“All right, that's all of 'em.” On that note – Dean taking out the rest of the henchmen without any problems in a fast and efficient way is really badass.

Dean correcting his tie after punching Greenstreet.

Next: Scoobynatural (spoilers)

The next episode will be the crossover with Scooby-Doo. I can’t promise that I will watch more than the first few minutes of the show and therefore don’t know if I’ll be able to write a review for episode 16. I’m not a fan of the look of Scooby-Doo, only time will tell if I can actually watch a 40min episode like this. But I’m sure that if you like Scooby-Doo, the upcoming episode will be a very interesting one for you.

[leonardvindel]

[ChloDine] I’ve Got You

So there 3 lovely people that I owe this drabble to are: @csquirrel27 @ bri-notthecheese    @pfeiffersvu 

You have my gratitude for encouraging me and it was enough to get to me edit out this drabble and post it. The characters are OOC (out of character) as usual, however do enjoy :) Please excuse all spelling and grammar errors except for the tsotsitaal and Afrikaans.

P.S: There's a clue to future ChloDine artwork I’d like to do in the piece below ;) Fingers crossed that I'll be able to make it happen :3

I’ve Got You

It was harder to get back to Nadine than Chloe originally thought. The underground fort was mostly dark and the passages kept leading back to the exact same door she had locked picked earlier.  A maze built to confuse and trap any perpetrators who entered. Sam said he had a bad feeling about it and Nadine felt that there too many risks involved but Chloe felt it was the only option they had in order to get closer to the treasure they were after. Nadine followed regardless, in case Chloe ended up kicking the hornets’ nest like she usually did and of course she wouldn’t let the love of her life go into the unknown alone.

Chloe shone the flashlight onto her wrist watch. “Damn it!” was all she could whisper. Nadine offered to keep two armed men busy while she retrieved the artefact they needed but it had been over 40min ago now and the radios were jammed so she didn’t know where Nadine was or whether she was okay or not. An uneasy feeling in her gut started to simmer regarding the safety of her ex-paramilitary girlfriend. Chloe took in a deep breath and ran through the passages again, she passed a few men that she had dealt with earlier and they still were in an unconscious state, good.

She turned an unfamiliar corner and caught sight of a pulsing crimson light, towards the end of a dimly lit room. That pulse could only come from one object, the Queen’s Ruby, which she gifted to Nadine days after their first adventure together and Nadine almost never took it off. She made a mad dash towards it hoping it was still attached to Nadine. When Chloe got close enough, she could make out Nadine’s limp form on the ground. She almost face planted the floor, slipping on a fluid beneath her feet but she got to Nadine. She shone the yellow light of her flashlight over her seemingly unconscious girlfriend. The more the light ran down Nadine’s body the more damage Chloe saw and the fluid she had slipped on was Nadine’s body too, slowly pooling underneath and spreading around her.

“Nadine?” Chloe whispered touching her girlfriend. Nadine’s skin felt unusually cool to the touch. Her eyebrows knitted together in concern and she gently turned Nadine over only to be almost blinded by a few bright flood lights in the room. Chloe gave it a few seconds for her eyes to adjust and when she did a gasp of horror escaped her lips, "Dear God." How could 40 minutes of leaving her girlfriend alone with a two armored men, end up like this? The right side of Nadine’s forehead had a nasty bleeding gash, her right eye was red and swelling by the second, blood trickled from her nose and mouth and the right side of her abdomen displayed a bullet entry wound that was bleeding. Chloe placed two fingers on the pulse on Nadine’s neck; she let out a sigh of relief at the feel of Nadine’s pulse. It was rapid though and her breaths were shallow. By reflex, Chloe wiped the blood from underneath Nadine’s nose before she pressed her hands pressed hard on the abdominal wound in an effort to prevent the blood from leaking out as much as it was. She shook Nadine and called out her name a few times hoping she’d come out of unconsciousness and attempt to keep her awake for as long as she could.

Just then, Chloe heard the shout of a woman giving orders for the men to start shooting. Chloe took a glance over the metal crate Nadine had taken cover from and for a moment saw the bodies of four men and two women lying either dead or unconscious on the ground. It must have been one hell of a fight for Nadine to be the only left marginally breathing. Damn it! She had been outnumbered. Shots were fired at Chloe as she brought Nadine to her lap and then rested her head in her arm while she fired back, calling out to Nadine as loud as she could over the sounds of multiple bullets being hammered out of gun barrels.

It seemed too long when Nadine finally responded, parted her eyes and found herself in Chloe’s embrace as she shot back at those firing at them “It-” her breathing was so irregular and the pain in her stomach was cutting her words short, “It’s a trap Chloe” she took in a few breaths of air “They left me here to lure you in.”

An exclamation of triumph escaped Chloe’s lips as she shot the man who attempted to throw a grenade at them, watching it take out two other men and another woman who were within close proximity of it. She turned now to face Nadine “Rise and shine love. You did good here.” She kissed Nadine on the cheek, a kiss to the mouth would have stolen any precious air she was fighting to take in. “As- askies (sorry), I tried to hold them off” Nadine breathed and grunted at the pain she was feeling. “But before I knew it, there were more than I could handle.” Chloe gave her a weary smile, noting that Nadine’s lovely chestnut skin was turning grey “Hey you did a stellar job here. Gold star for you” Chloe then turned her attention back to the gun fire and skillfully took down the remaining four gunmen and  women. Her right leg felt wet and warm from the blood that had started to seep through her jeans. Where the hell was Sam? Did he not hear all the commotion?

Shuffling that could be heard from the other end of the room made Chloe lift her gun in the direction of the noise. Nadine tugged at her shirt, breathing unsteadily “Chlo-Chloe, I feel cold.”  Chloe shifted nervously at hearing Nadine inform her of the drop in her body temperature, the hope she had clung to was fading, and yet she held on to what little she had left of it. Chloe continued to stare straight ahead at nothing feeling something rather uncomfortable lodge itself in her throat “What’d you mean? I’m the hottest thing in here.”

Chloe always had her sarcastic, witty comebacks ready to fire; another thing Nadine loved about her so much, she smiled at that thought. This was the one time she wished she’d told Chloe everything she felt and thought about her: not just the ‘Ek liefe vir jou (I love you)’ or the times Chloe would pop herself into her warm bath with her clothes on or the times she’d finish all her rusks and apologise with a pout on her face, she knew would get her forgiveness or as much as she hated doing yoga, it was the quality time she got to spend with Chloe that mattered or the times Chloe assured her that she had the utmost trust in her and that would give her the confidence to keep going or how the Queen’s Ruby would pulse at close range of her beloved selfish dickhead. Chloe was her greatest treasure and she wanted her to know that, she wanted her to understand what that meant to her but with what little time she felt had left, she could only barely manage to say “…I think I’m going to-” “Wrong answer…I’ve got you!!” came Chloe’s quick response but Nadine felt Chloe’s frame begin to  tremble, her eyes not meeting hers in return this time.

The gun in the Chloe’s left arm shook along with her body as her conscience began to attack her, blaming her for Nadine’s current state. Nadine and Sam didn’t want to take the risk but she wanted this last piece of the puzzle. If they bagged this treasure, they could take it easy for the next couple of months and Chloe could finally propose to Nadine on their holiday like she had planned. In her eagerness she lost sight of the goal and got tangled in her emotions and put her liefie’s(lover) life in danger. As Nadine spoke, Chloe couldn’t bring her eyes down to face her. Nadine was in this position because of her. She knew Nadine would follow her regardless of what her military intuition was telling her. Tears burned the edges of her eyes, a clump of unknown matter still sat uncomfortably in her throat and her heart beat fast with fear and anger. The whole beautiful scene she had envisioned over and over in her head was disappearing with each shallow breath and pained groan Nadine made. The shuffling from earlier revealed Sam rushing into the room smelling of gun powder and bodies all spread all over the place. The firm tug that Nadine had on her shirt was loosening and the warmth on her jeans from Nadine’s blood kept spreading.

Sam shuffled around next to her “Shit, that’s a lot of blood. We need to try and stop it before we get moving.”Sam made an attempt to grab Nadine so he could place her on the floor but Chloe’s grip became tighter “Chloe” Sam put himself in Chloe’s field of vision so she could see him “We need to try and stop the bleeding or Nadine will bleed out and die.” At Sam’s last words Chloe’s eyes look at him in silent retaliation to his words but he didn’t give her a chance to say anything “Alright fine! Just hold her steady then” He took the gun from Chloe “You can beat yourself up about it later but right now we have to try and save her.” Chloe nodded blinking away tears that threatened to flee.

Sam tugged at Nadine’s belt and even in her semi-conscious state she found the strength to smack Sam’s hand away. He immediately brought up his arms “Sorry Nadine, please don’t hurt me. I’m going to need your belt to try and stop the bleeding from your stomach.” Nadine half-glared and looked up at Chloe who placed a light kiss on her forehead “It’s okay Nadine, we’ve got you.” At Chloe’s reassurance, Nadine nodded. Sam took off his shirt and placed it over her abdomen before wrapping the belt tight around the wound. Nadine grabbed a fist full of Chloe’s shirt at the feel of the pain as Sam tightened the belt around the wound. “Did you get the artifact?” Sam asked while tending to Nadine. “…yeah” was the only answer Chloe offered. “Okay, we need to move” He took Nadine’s arm and swung it over his shoulder before threading his other arm behind her knees and the other around her back to lift her “Holy goddamn shit! And she complained that I was heavy” He looked at a very worried Chloe who stood up next to him “Chloe, hand Nadine my gun so she can shot whoever comes in front of us.” Chloe cocked an eyebrow at him “I know what you’re thinking but Nadine is a tough girl, she’s injured but I’ll bet you anything she can still shoot straight” Chloe did just as instructed, taking the gun from Sam’s holster and handing it to Nadine. She picked up her gun again and offered to watch the rear as they made their escape.

As they began to make their way back to the surface, neither woman made an effort to be on the lookout for any potential danger. Half lidded, swollen, chocolate brown eyes looked back to meet watery dark pewter eyes from over Sam’s shoulder. Those brown eyes spoke many things Chloe could not hear, and the questions she asked herself at that moment was if she’d ever get to hear them, if she’d ever get to hear Nadine respond to all the pet names she called her, if she’d ever feel Nadine’s touch on her skin, if she’d ever hear Nadine’s screams of ecstasy or if she’d ever see those chocolate brown eyes look at her like she was the only significant thing in Nadine’s world.

If she lost Nadine now, it’d be all her fault.

~End~

Next chapter

Please REBLOG only not REPOST.

Thank you for your support. Baie dankie en goeie nag ;)

[tnaypi3]

Rishikesh

Rishikesh, the home of Yoga in India. The Place where the Ganges River runs through brighter than you could ever imagine. A Spiritual Town made famous with foreigners by The Beatles back in the ’60s & ’70s.

Rishikesh is like no other place in India and it has to be visited by travellers to India, whether you visit for 3 days or 30!

“WHAT. IS. THAT?”

“I don’t know but it’s sure yummy, this airport fastfood!!!” 

Touchdown Dehradun!

Woke up 5am, 2 local flights with a 3 hrs layover in between, about a 40min cab ride later... 

Made it to the infamous cafe

You can tell we were starving because I have no picture of our yummy dinner. The hype about this place is real.

The yoga capital of India certainly lives up to its name. Everywhere you go you’ll see adverts for all kinds of wellness classes and wokshops.

Apart from the collective vibe going brought by traveling hippies together with local yoga enthusiasts and gurus, Rishikesh reminds me so much of burning man with it’s endless wellness and holistic activities sprinkled around town. Too many exciting things to do, too little time! 

Booked a room with a view of the jade river, it’s continuous gushing quite loud, nonetheless comforting and a constant reminder that you are surrounded by nature, if not cradled in the lap of the Himalayas

The Ganges River

In Hinduism, the river Ganges is considered sacred and is personified as the goddess Ganga. She is worshiped by Hindus who believe that bathing in the river causes the remission of sins and facilitates Moksha (liberation from the cycle of life and death), and that the water of the Ganges is considered very pure.

This holy river is right beside the Himalayan foothills. Ganga originated from the Gangotri Glacier , which is located in the western Himalayas. It is one of the major rivers of India, which is approximately 1557 miles long. It flows into the eastward directions and empties into the Bay of Bengal.

It’s feels like a new kind of life being able to freely walk around, breathing cleaner air and being surrounded by nature. Here and there, the loud honking of mostly bikes can still be annoying but it’s not too bad.

On an hour hike to the hidden waterfalls

Temples at every corner vibrating to the chants and humming of devotees

Rishikesh reminds me of our provinces in the Philippines. But with holy cows, om symbols and orange-robed sadhus. One will truly fall in love with the combination of robust, pristine nature, fresh mountain air, sunrise over the peaks, a torrential river, and the signs and symbols of a sacred India town. Temple bells ring incessantly, incense wafts on the breeze and yogis are everywhere to be seen.

I absolutely love everything about this picture. 

There is a feeling in Rishikesh unlike anywhere else. The vibe is both relaxed and reverent and consequently attracts Hindu devotees and gurus as well as western hippies and curious spiritual explorers. 

Rishikesh is the kind of place that some people end up staying in for long stretches of time, and others return to again and again. And then there are those who really never leave, at least not in spirit.

The Lakshman Jhula Bridge

The bridge connects the two villages of Tapovan in Tehri Garhwal district, on the west bank of the river, to Jonk in Pauri Garhwal district, on the east bank

View from our hostel terrace

Living for breakfasts like this every. single. day.

My money shot in Rishi

Thanks to Alex for finding this gem, we had the pleasure of seeing this world-class musician alsongside his students at his home. They perform every Sunday afternoon for tourists and locals in exchange for donations. As a huge fan of Moulin Rouge!, the sitar instrument, with it’s unique luscious tones, is to me, a guitar from another galaxy that takes me back in time... In the land of the maharajas and the deserts of India. Its reverb so encapsulating, I can’t help but think of the colorful story of Satine and Christian.

Best two hours spent!

 Sunrise yoga crew. Meeting such interesting and kind people.

No matter what direction you turn, you’ll always see the Himalayas out of the corner of your eye

Caption in mind while taking this picture: Where else can you see anything like this in the world?

Friendly and curious chat with the locals

Entering Parmarth Niketan

It is one of the top yoga centers in India situated on the banks of the Holy Ganges River. It has now blossomed over 70 years of it’s existence into the largest ashram in Rishikesh. Founded in 1942, it is open for all with no discrimination on the basis of race, gender, nationality, religion, caste or creed.

Many travelers visit for Ayurvedic treatments which includes exercises, music therapy, healthy diets and yoga to name a few. The ashram provides the travelers with accommodation facilities.

The sacred Rishipond

Found, and maybe trespassed a beautiful garden to rest on and eat pistachios. We waited for the busy gardeners in the area to ask us to leave but that didn’t happen :) 

With lots of time to kill before the Ganga Aarti ceremony by the Triveni Ghat/River, we wandered around the market, people watching and just immersing ourselves with the culture and energy of this place. 

You don’t see many tourists in this part of town. It has a more authentic, simpler facade and feel undisturbed by international tourism

The Ganga Aarti at the Triveni Ghat

Truly a highlight of this trip. This is the lesser popuar Aarti of the two but this is more 

The aarti is accompanied with chanting of bhajans, beating drums and bells. People lit oil diyas, put them on flower-filled leaf boats and release in the holy waters of the river. These illuminated lamps in the evening provide a beautiful view. 

Still too early for the main ceremony but it was worth hanging by the river watching families observe their rituals and prayers

At first, I was put off by the thought that these offerings the water is just adding to the extreme pollution in India. But later on, we found out that the river is not without a waste collection system particularly for these rituals.

The main attraction

What is heartwarming about the Aarti at Triveni Ghat is, apart from the pomp and the sanctity and the splendid choreography and synchronization behind it, there is a desire to include one and all in the aarti to pay respect to the Ganga. Every family in the audience is given an aarti thali (flower offerings) so they can participate and that elevates the experience to a truly memorable and special one.

During the devotional songs, which everyone seems to know and memorize, lamps were also passed around to the audience from one to another so that each may have the chance to wave it around in prayer or as an act of respect to the goddess of the river

Today is our third wedding anniversary! And we are taking a sunrise trek in the Himalayas!

Our sweet tour guide picked flowers for Alex to give to me. 

How can I not take a dip? The colors are too enticing. 

Uncle Ole from Sweden

Mimi from Israel

Post hike feast with our newfound friends

The next evening we attended the Ganga Aarti (evening Hindu prayer ceremonies) at Parmeth Niketan Ashram in Rishikesh. This is the largest and best known Ashram in the area – set on the banks of the holy river. It accommodates up to 2,000 people at any one time. The Ganga Aarti were beautiful if somewhat seeked by the many visitors to soak up the atmosphere and appreciate the rituals.

This sneaky little thief stole some women’s breakfast. They were sitting outside, enjoying their breakfast with the the panoramic view of the Ganges when suddenly.....

Glad we ate inside HE HE HE

Last best meal at our hotel back in New Delhi before take off! 

Leaving Rishikesh with a very full, beating heart, I know it will be one of those places I will retreat to in my imagination when I need solace. Just like how I think of my other home, Iloilo. I know I have not fully integrated Rishikesh unlike many others who have visited and stayed for many months staying in ashrams, practicing daily yoga and meditation, making lifetime connections with friends locally and from all over the world, perhaps I will return again one day and stay for a bit to deepen my next Rishikesh experience. Perhaps, perhaps. I really hope, perhaps :)

Hey NYC, heard your were absolutely freezing this last few days?! Not so excited for that but we are happy to be home.

[razzleberry]

22 June 2024 - summer at the windows

I have been rendered largely immobile by a terrible bout of cold the past 6 days. I have not had meaningful human contact since last Sunday, as I fight the worst cold I've had in years. I haven't actually been ill, COVID aside, since the pandemic started. I had been bracing to be stricken by COVID, as it seems to catch me every June and knock me out just as the city finally awakens to summer. This time it appears to ... i've lost my original thought now. This time the cold/mystery bug is determined to take me down, with a slow build up a week earlier, where I hadn't felt poorly enough to take days off work or to cancel any plans, but not felt fully fit. The past few days have been a rotation from my bed, to the desk (for a few hours each day because I didn't draw clear boundaries to take full days off work), and to the sofa, as the warm June sunlight spills into the flat, and London hums along outside in what feels like the coming of summer.

In between naps, hot cooling tea, and Paracetamol top-ups, I have kept an eye on the summer sports, catching Euro games and the Queens Cup. The summer of sports cannot feel further away from me, as I quiver under a blanket in the sunlight, forcing myself to drink my Chinese herbal tea before it runs cool. What little energy I have has also been spent obsessing over The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley, which has made me weep, laugh and feel so much. I adored it. I am almost done with my re-read, after completing it only a few nights ago. It's kept me up at night, winning the competition easily against sleep. No wonder I am not recovering as quickly as I would like.

This has been the first time I've been home-bound in a while, and forced to slow down. It reminds me of the lazy lockdown days - without the undercurrent of anxiety. I have read much, and enjoyed losing myself in reams of text (preferably in paper). I've also been lucky to watch some interesting films, which I've been ruminating on since. Some of these were before my ill spell, nevertheless, I'll write about them since I have the time and mood to.

Ripley

A slow burn of a show. A reviewer called it a series of beautiful moving postcards. It truly is. Andrew Scott lights up the screen as our Ripley. On a podcast, I heard the director discuss how he's more interested in the process than the outcome, and his storytelling focuses on the process. This show was very compelling, so much so that I paid £10 just to watch the final 40min of the show (damn you Netflix on your crackdown on account sharing!). My only gripe was that Andrew Scott and the bloke playing Dickie are too old to be playing 20 something year olds, but if you wave that aside, this show works. The Italian actor playing the police chief is one of a kind.

The Talented Mr. Ripley

I have actually never seen the Minghella classic starring Matt Damon. The original is a sun soaked jaunty affair. How gorgeous was Jude Law, resplendent in the Italian sun!? The Netflix show has stripped away all the colour and liveliness of the original, but I might prefer the Netflix one in terms of storyline. Less haunting, more chirpy. 90's Matt Damon was swaggering.

Good Will Hunting

A friend told me he'd rewatched this recently, and this prompted me to put it on after he lamented that they don't make movies like this anymore. I was also keen to continue my streak of 90's cerebral Damon shows. And damn. They really don't make movies like this anymore. The storytelling is beautiful and highly romantic - not in a lovers' sense, but in its wider romantic view of the world. It has everything you want in a good story - struggle, loveable characters, friendship, romance, a boy's coming of age. It's a simple story, and is told brilliantly with much warmth. Who better to direct than Gus Van Sant? Robin Williams doesn't appear for the first third of the film, and when he does, I could swim in the sadness in his eyes. I was holding back tears at Ben Affleck's little speech at the end. Damon is a movie star. Harvey Weinstein is a monster, but damn, did he give us some good movies.

Hit Man

I put this on even though it wasn't on my watch list after I saw the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. And boy am I glad I did. A new original film from Richard Linklater - he who gave us the Before series - and Glen Powell, it centres around a dweeby professor who dabbles as a policeman in his free time. He is put out to field acting as a hitman in attempts to entrap criminals who seek his service. The fun bit is that he does his due diligence on each criminal, assuming a different identity he customises to what he thinks his client would like. The unbelievable part is that this is actually a true story. Hit Man fizzes with effervescent energy from a very good script and a star-making turn from Glen Powell. Apparently he was in Top Gun Maverick, but all I remember from Top Gun is Tom Cruise. Hollywood has been seeking out its next generation of leading men, and has thrown its weight behind stars who either never quite made it (see Ansel Elgort, Miles Teller) or have not yet reached the dizzying heights of being able to sell a film based on their names alone (Timothee Chalamet, Tom Holland, Austin Butler). My bet is on Glen Powell. He reminds me of a young Tom Cruise, disarming you with his easy winsome smile, and oodles of charisma. He also co-wrote the script, so there! The film is a blend of thriller, screwball comedy, mixed identities, and romance. Because it is a Linklater film, it deftly weaves in some high brow philosophy, on identity and our potential for change. This was a very funny and smart film, and I wish I had seen it in the cinemas because it deserves to be a blockbuster. It is also incredibly sexy, Adria Arjona and Glen Powell sizzle. I thought to myself once more, as the credits rolled: they don't make films like this anymore. Thank you Richard Linklater and Glen Powell.

Furiosa

The prequel to Fury Road. It is a good film, with impressive action sequences, but when the credits came on, interspersed with clips from Fury Road, I realised how much I missed Charlize Theron. Fury Road is an epic, I came out of that film in 2015 shaken and screaming, and it remains to me one of the best films I've seen in the last ten years. The prequel is similar to Fury Road, and is also helmed by George Miller. Fury Road was a notoriously difficult shoot, but the results are stunning. Likewise for Furiosa, you are immersed in the thrilling action sequences. It felt like the camerawork for Furiosa was less frenzied than Fury Road, but it might also be because we've seen it before and it is less groundbreaking. Nonetheless it is a joy ride, and Anya Taylor Joy is a commanding Furiosa, even if she lacks the physical statute of Charlize Theron. I cannot believe George Miller is 79 and making such energetic, crazed films. It is disappointing to see how poorly it's performed at the box office, especially for an original film with a female lead. Head to your local cinema and support this film!

Alright, time to move a few steps now for my paracetamol top up.

Ta.

[prowling-asian-blog]

A Guide to 3,000 Year Old Xi’an China

Being the former capital of China, Xi’an is often called the birthplace of China. It was the capital of 13 imperial dynasties – in which various architectural structures have been preserved up to this day. More importantly, it is home to one of UNESCO’s world heritage sites: the Terracotta Warriors of the Qin Dynasty. There is no doubt that Xi’an has a richer historical heritage compared to all of China.

Geographically located in the heart of China, Xi’an is a popular tourist destination and there are various ways to visit this city. For international visitors, air travel is the most popular choice and getting to Xi’an usually involves various connecting flights, as direct flights are only offered within China. Other choices include car rentals, bus, or train.

Travelling to Xi’an: 

If you’re someone coming from the Philippines, such as myself, getting to Xi’an is a breeze. The easiest way to get there is to take a direct flight to Hong Kong and book a connecting flight to Xi’an China. Personally, I prefer to travel with Cathay Pacific for the airline company has a subsidiary airline -- Cathay Dragon -- that flies directly from Hong Kong to Xi’an.

If you are coming from another city within China such as Shanghai, the flight to Xi’an is a 2hr 40min direct plane ride. These are flights held daily by popular airlines such as: China Eastern 2215, Air China 1216, and Shanghai Airlines 9201. 

For those who opt to ride a train from Shanghai, it takes about 6-7.5hrs on a high-speed train.

For those coming from Beijing, you can take a 2hr 10min plane ride. Airlines that offer flights en route to Xi’an include: China Southern 3173, Hainan 7137, Air China 1231, and China Eastern 2102.    

For those who opt to ride a train from Beijing, you can take a 5hr high-speed train ride from Beijing.

Note: Trains can be cheaper compared to plane rides depending on the seat classes and the type of train you choose. Taking a train is particularly enjoyable if you’re the type of person who likes to enjoy the scenery as you course through your journey.

Getting Around in Xi’an:

Xi’an has one of the most convenient transportation hubs in Central and Western China. From the airport, you’ll find many taxi cabs to the city proper. There are also freelance drivers available, as their cars don’t have meters, just always remember to – haggle haggle...and haggle!

The wide range of urban transportation can give you different travel experiences within the city. Like most developed cities, you have options like metro lines (so far, only lines 1, 2, and 3 are operational), buses, and taxis. If you want to try something unique that will give you the chance to kick in some cardio work during your vacation – you have another option: the bicycle. There are some tuk-tuks (three-wheeled bicycle) in certain areas; however, there may be certain areas that are inaccessible.

What To Do:

A visit to the mausoleum and the Terracotta Warriors cannot be missed! My family and I were able to haggle a good price from our freelance driver when he picked us up at the airport, and found out he also does city tours. We decided to wait and check on the hotel prices to compare which offering has the better price, then found out that the hotel’s tour packages were twice the amount from what our friendly driver has offered us – which didn’t come as a surprise really. Let me share to you our itinerary then give you other suggestions.

If you arrived to Xi’an from Hong Kong, there is a high chance that you will arrive at your hotel (including immigration, travel time to city center, and settling in the hotel) a little after 4PM. There’s no time to waste, after rejuvenating yourself from your trip, grab a cab at your hotel lobby and go straight to the SOUTH city gate (personally, I think it has the best view of the city). Spend a good amount of time basking in the sunset and walking around the city walls.

On the next day, head straight to the Qin mausoleum and Terracotta grounds. It takes about a half-hour car drive to get to the Terracotta Warriors & Qin Mausoleum UNESCO grounds with an admission fee of 120-150 CNY (17-22 USD or 800-1,221 PHP). Upon entering the site you will be greeted with a lot of tour guides. I suggest you book a tour with them because it is quite impossible to appreciate everything without understanding any of its important remarks.  There are 3 Terracotta pits, which are tagged by the order of their excavation and discoveries. These sites represent the chosen military formation for guarding emperor Qin’s tomb.

Pit #1 is the largest, with columns of soldiers at the frontier and chariots at the back of the formation.

Pit #2, northeast of pit #1, contains about a thousand warriors and 90 wooden chariots

Pit #3 represents the command center of the armed forces, with 68 warriors, a war chariot, and 4 horses.

It can be very crowded nearing lunchtime and the late afternoons. Hence, it would be preferable to reach the site early in the morning to get a good photo with the warriors at pit #1 (it is the best pit for pictures because the columns are clearly defined). Do not worry about not being able to go near the warriors there are photo booths situated around the grounds for you to take pictures of life-sized replicas.

                   This is a photo taken at one of the photo booths 

Note: No one is allowed to go near the warriors because they are still in very sensitive conditions. Extra measures have been taken to preserve the coating and the quality of these statues. In fact, upon excavation some statues even deteriorated due to the unmatched atmosphere of the present compared to when they were molded 2,000 years ago.

 These are some of the Terracotta Warriors still in the process of restoration 

Going back to the city proper you can tell your guide to allot some time for a quick stop at the Hua Qing Palace since it’s just on the way. Having a guide at the palace would also be preferable if you really want to understand the history of the palace and its quarters instead of just wandering around the halls, temples, and rooms without any understanding of its historical connection.

The last stop on this route is the Muslim Quarter. Here, you will find the best mix of Middle Eastern and Chinese cuisine. It is basically the Las Vegas strip or Champ Elysées of food. They also sell miniature Terracotta Warriors within the small shops at a better price with a much better quality than the other street stalls. Of course, you can also find a wide array of souvenir items within this bustling street.

One thing that you should never miss out on is the famous Biang-Biang noodles. The locals stretch out the strands of noodles and slam them on the prepping table, which causes a loud bang, hence it’s name – Biang-Biang. Unique only to Xi’an, these 1-inch thick noodles will definitely give you one of the best hearty meals of your life!

Another must-try is the beef kebab that they sell on the streets. You can even see the locals rind off the meat directly from the beef that is hung at the side of their food cart.

Of course, there are other things to do in Xi’an apart from this itinerary. These are sites that you simply must see for yourself in order to be awed by its sheer existence:

The Bell Tower

Big Goose Pagoda

Small Goose Pagoda

The Great Mosque of the Muslim Quarter

The Drum Tower

Forest of Stone Steles Museum

Where to stay:

We stayed at the Sofitel Xi’an on Renmin Square, which costs about 673-901 CNY (100-134 USD or 5,028-6,738 PHP) a night. Featuring a blend of modern and Chinese architecture, it has 5 different buildings consisting of hotel rooms with different views of the city. You can find restaurants on each building offering different kinds of cuisines. This hotel boasts a really good location within the city. It is right in the middle of everything. You’ll find that it is just 1km away from the metro station, 2km from the Great Mosque, a quick 5min cab ride to the city gates, and 36km from the XianYang International Airport. Personally, I really liked this hotel because I didn’t have any difficulties communicating with the staff at all. They are very accommodating when it comes to questions about the different buildings of their hotel grounds, food services, and tour packages.

For those who opt for a much more affordable stay w/ FREE Wi-Fi, you may also try and check:

Grand Park Xi’an

Citadines Central Xi’an

Grand Soluxe International Hotel Xi’an

Grand Mercure Xi’an on Renmin Square

What’s good about Xi’an is that it has a little bit of everything. If you’d opt for a more luxurious stay, you can also check out:

Hilton Xi’an

Wyndham Grand Xi’an South

Sheraton Xi’an North City

Shangri-la Xi’an

Final Tips:

If you rely on the internet for maps and updates about the current trends, must-try eats, and interesting things to see - then Wi-Fi is extremely important for you. Now we all know that China has this intense firewall where it blocks off most social media like: GOOGLE, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and sometimes even YAHOO! So basically, all of the important social media accounts are inaccessible right? Simple. Just download the BetternNet app and turn it on once you reach China. It connects you to another satellite so the Chinese firewall won’t think that you or your device is actually in China.

Most of the stores accept credit cards, of course, but the food stalls in the Muslim Quarter only accepts cash. During my time in the city, I didn’t see any ATMs. So to be sure, it would be better if you would just bring in extra cash instead.

For the adrenaline junkies, if you want to climb Hua Shin Mountain, just always remember to check for weather conditions and have proper training as it is actually one of the toughest climbs in the world!

Like I said earlier, try asking free lance drivers from the airport for tour packages because they are a lot cheaper than what hotels offer.

Here’s a map of the city center to help you plan your trip. HAPPY LANDING! 

[lessdumb-lessass]

The new Sanders Sides episode... watch it!

Please go watch, it’s incredible 🙌🏻

Honestly I never usually post stuff, just reblog, but I HAD to say something

Congratulations Thomas @thatsthat24 and Joan, it’s an actual masterpiece! The character development and the personal development made in this episode has me sooo damn happy.

(and I’m making a point to call Sander Sides episodes and a series now, because calling them videos just seems to do them a huge injustice when you see and feel everything that’s gone into them and also what they do for us as an audience in terms of enlightenment, personal growth and entertainment)

The fact that I don’t even register the Sander Sides as being you is a testament to what an amazing actor you are, like seriously it blows my mind! The emotions you convey with just one look 🙌🏻 like when Virgil was calling out Roman for his insecurities, the LOOK that Roman gave!! The fear and the annoyance that Virgil could see right through him (btw well done in turning that relationship from enemies to frenemies to friends, it’s so enjoyable to watch!)

And I loved seeing Patton take the lead more! Listening to your heart is so important and I’m glad you showed him fulfil his self proclaimed Dad role this ep (the distractions bit was sooo cute, he knows them all so well😭)

I found it so interesting seeing Logan affected by someone’s ignorant comment! As usually you’d think it’d get to Patton or Virgil, but no, even (and maybe especially) Logic can feel put upon by society to live up to certain societal expectations and norms. It felt so dramatic when he was upfront with you about getting a “normal” job (I was really sat there gasping lol) I felt so immersed and involved in this storyline as not living up to norms and expectations is a personal talent of mine lol. Well done for fitting in such huge character development for Logan in just under 40mins, I mean wow 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 ‘cause changing what is perceived as Logic is dang hard!

Virgil. I mean c’mon Thomas & Joan how dare you make him such a layered and progressive character! It’s not easy to accept your anxiety and even harder to put it to use in a functional, non harmful way. But seeing Virgil point out all of the things going wrong (which we usually hate about anxiety) and actually using it to enlighten you about certain issues is such a positive and inspired direction for him🙌🏻 And good for him and Patton for airing their little grievances with each other so healthily 👏🏻

Roman is my favourite character of them all and this episode only confirms that. He is everything I wish to be, constantly creating and brave and sassy and smart and I could go on forever! But this episode really humanised him and made us aware of another dimension to him that is soooo relatable. Artistry and creativity always come hand in hand with insecurities and seeing you acknowledge that just filled me with such satisfaction. It made me long for a spin off series of the sides working together to slay the new big bad, Insecurity 😈

Well done with the song as well! As always your voice ruins me 🙌🏻 it always makes me happy to see you work in some kind of musical element as it’s so ingrained in mind that when I think of Thomas Sanders, I think of music, singing, performing 🎤🎼🎭

Aaaaand that was my love letter to Thomas and his friends ❤️

[whatsjenniupto]

5+ Things to See in Busan

After the debacle that was getting to Korea, I was just glad to be in the country. We were starting off our tour of Busan stressed and exhausted. The list of potential things to do became less important as time went on and fewer things got crossed off. It was a great Busan adventure, full of great views and delicious food, regardless of the shortened list.

Busan sprawls and mastering their public transportation system is the only way to get any sightseeing done. Naver Maps will make your life easier as Google Maps just doesn’t quite work in South Korea. Sort of, but not in any really helpful fashion. Naver also has bus times and schedules which I really should have been better at using instead of just guessing what I needed through a sideways head as I slowly got better at reading Korean with every word I attempted.

Taejongdae Cliffs

Busan is a city on the sea and every visitor needs to spend a decent amount of time where the city meets the sea. The Taejongdae Cliffs are the perfect place to do so. A word to the wise: take the train. Seriously, take the train. The views are great for a reason and you will be grateful that you took the train to get to them. The Danubi Train loops around the park to all five major destinations and is so completely worth the extra charge to ride around. The frequency between the trains is 20-30min which works quite well unless you didn’t make it to the cliffs until the last hour of train operations. Unlike the park which is open from 04:00-24:00, the train only operates from 09:20 - 18:00. Our visit might have been short, but the views (and the train) were worth every cent.

Buses to the cliffs leave from both Nampo-dong Subway Station남포동역 and Busan Subway Station부산역. 

From Nampo Station남포동역:   1. Exit No.6 to the second bus stop opposite Lotte Department Store.  2. Buses 8, 30, 88, and 88-A all go to Taejongdae Station 태종대 정류장, approximately 30-40min. 

From Busan Subway Station부산역:   1. Exit No.7 to the third bus stop.  2. Bus 101 goes to Taejongdae Station 태종대 정류장, approximately 30-40min.

Haedong Yonggungsa Temple

Unique among Korean temples, the Haedong Yonggungsa Temple is tucked into the cliffs to the northeast of Busan. While many temples are tucked into cliffs, it’s the fact that these cliffs are at the sea level rather than high in the mountains that keeps crowds flocking to the grounds. Initially built in 1376, the temple was nearly destroyed by the Japanese invasions in the 16th century. It remained in ruins until the 1930s when reconstruction began.

A bus to the temple leaves from Haeundae Station해운대.  1. Exit No.7 to the bus stop.  2. Take Bus 100 or 181 to Yonggungsa Temple용궁사국립수산과학원, approximately 30min. Turn right when exiting the bus. If you go left, a long string of Koreans will start yelling at you that you are going the wrong direction. It’s a 10min walk the remainder of the way to the temple grounds, much of which is through what I would call outer temple grounds where there are food and souvenir stands. 

Haeundae Beach

The Haeundae area is perfect to explore before or after the journey to the temple. There’s the beach, there’s a market, there are public foot baths that you can just dunk your feet into (after rinsing them off correctly). The Haeundae Beach is incredibly famous. The white sand beach stretches for 1.5km and has a maximum capacity of 120,000 people. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a capacity for a beach before, but I’m very glad I was there during the off-season. I would not want to experience this beach (or any other really) with 119,999 other people. 

Gamcheon Cultural Village

What began as a home for refugees during the Korean War has grown into a huge attraction. With its tiny streets, numerous stairs, and plethora of colors, Gamcheon is on every Busan Must-See List with good reason. The village can take up as much time as you would like. There are maps you can buy and stamps you can hunt for around the village with plenty of street food favorites as you walk around. Or if you didn’t take the minibus, it can just be a walk along the rim, poking your head out at various overlooks before calling it a day and locating the bus to take back down the mountain. Much like the Danubi Train at the Taejongdae Cliffs -- TAKE THE MINIBUS.

From Toseong Station: 1. Exit No.6, walk to the corner, turn right and go to the second bus stop in front of the hospital.  2. Take Minibus 2 or 2-2 to Gamcheon Elementary School감천초등학교, approximately 10min.

Jagalchi Seafood Market

I have been to a number of markets; I love markets of all kinds. The Jagalchi Seafood Market is possibly the best market experience I’ve ever had. It’s huge! Indoor, outdoor, all filled with seafood of every kind. Seafood I knew, seafood I had never seen before. All of if fresh from the sea, waiting to be devoured.

Market Streets

Busan has numerous market streets, and I loved ducking into each one of them. Some are better known, like Gukje Market for its kimchi which we were unsuccessful at locating because we got distracted by other street food. Other market streets were ones we just happened to walk down. 

Because at the end of the day, I came to Korea to eat. All the food. And Busan’s foodie streets did not disappoint. 

[ndrbrnrd]

2018: An 8 Month Reflection - Relationships

Current time: 11:50pm on Wednesday August 22nd. It finally seems like I’m going to make my deadline right? Wrong. It usually takes me about 40min or more to compose my thoughts as I’m typing. The little rants here and there (like now) and then actually expressing my point takes time, which I am pretty much procrastinating right now. I mean I guess I’m improving, I’m starting to actually type before Wednesday night is over. 

Relationships. Why did I even pick this topic to write about in terms of my 8 months?  I chose to talk about it because this whole 8 month experience has made me think a lot about relationships in general, but more specifically: work relationships.

I really think it’s more of the fact that I never really felt like had a work relationship with the people I directly work with. At first it was all fresh and new, supervisor starts to train me so I would be in her proximity and here and there we would have little chats and I would get to know her personality. With less than a month, she stopped showing up and things became more long distant since I was sufficiently trained enough to function on my own and to do the job. Communication was by text or email and visits were mostly once a week. When they came to visit, it was very short and brief and on some weeks there was no point to have a meeting at all. Even through distant communication, replies between both parties became slow since both were busy in their own labs/doing other things. Not only that, sometimes important questions were not answered especially in a sense of urgency or security even when they were out of the country. Yes, communication through text and email occurred in order to get tasks done, but there is a difference having the physical presence of a co-worker/supervisor in your work environment vs. working together remotely. This taught me several things.

It taught me a lot about communication. Every relationship needs to have a solid foundation on communication. How often you communicate, reply and interpret each other’s questions, needs and concerns. This means it really is a two way street, where both parties need to be free to express their thoughts without the other party shutting them down in a rude or a hurtful manner while being completely professional. I personally never felt like I was part of the company, it was as if I was third wheeling a work relationship and I was only being exposed/spoon fed small tidbits of information without getting the whole picture and the motive behind it. It made me realize midway through that their needs for me are completely the opposite of my needs from them. Trying to communicate my end, I was shut down as a result and I did not take it too well internally. 

I learned that I did not like long distant/remote relationships. Sure, I was okay if I did not need to go to the lab and I can work from home, but I did not like the fact I did not have a direct co-worker with me on working days. I show up to no one, I leave to no one. Being a ghost in my environment was the easiest thing to do. Part of the reason why I was so interested in lab work was the team based environment or working side by side in proximity to a co-worker that is doing the same work as you. Personally with me, I learn through people. I learn about what they do, their journey, and how to be proficient in the work they do. Also it makes things easier for me to express my struggles with what I have to do to someone in the company instead of someone outside the company. It makes getting through the work day a lot easier knowing that there is someone with you than going through it alone. Yes there were members in the lab facility I socialize with, but it was mostly small talk. Majority of the time we keep to ourselves because the other members are from different companies with their own work schedules that don’t necessarily coincide with what I need to do. At times I admit, I got envious whenever I see the other lab members laughing at something someone said or display teamwork in their lab efforts. It was something I always wanted which made me feel lonely during my days. To repeat that 5 days a week for about 8 hours gets to you, and sometimes distractions such as texting friends during work (finding some other distraction drug) doesn’t completely fill the void that is missing in your work life. I love having a job that I can wake up and go to everyday, to be excited to see co-workers or start a new project with someone; personally I cannot see myself consistently working from home, I like the mobility and the versatility, but I need that other place I can go to get away from life’s issues/family problems and develop work/team relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I like to be independent in my tasks. I want to be self-sufficient and reliable on my own, but to have that support team around you to complete a long term goal is also what I seek to have. 

If you’re not happy, then let it go. That was an important thing I’ve learned. With the other posts I’ve written about plus this one, it’s pretty obvious how I was emotionally feeling. To myself, I’m known to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. I will do anything in my power to try and sustain a relationship for whatever reason. This was one job I was willing to push for because it was a step towards a career I’m interested in. All at the same time, it was weighing me down to the point where I am emotionally, physically and mentally drained. I did all this just to maintain a professional relationship with my superiors because of what I said during the interview. If part time was offered I’ve considered staying, but really I needed to move on and find something new even if it means being jobless for a while. It taught me that commitment to a job hurts you more when you’re not happy or when you feel like you’re not part of the work relationship that was established. 

Not all environments are the same, just like any relationships one has with another person. No two relationships are exactly alike, they may be similar/of a certain type but not alike. It is the same core values/needs/expectations in the work relationship that both parties must be able to work out in order for the company and the employee to be successful. I know not every party can get what they want, but I guess that’s where compromise and sacrifice fits in. The thing is, how much are you willing to sacrifice and at what value?

This whole experience really did make me question/reflect/wonder about my relationships in my life and in general. Friends I don’t talk to as much, people in my life I miss, chances I regret not taking. Should I have put more effort? Or should the other party put more effort as well? C’est la vie, and as cheesy as that sounds, it’s a tough act to follow. Personally for me, I learned that in any relationship, you want your environment to be a safe space where you can be yourself to grow and thrive as a person.