#(it was hard. it was very hard. the whole point was that it was hard) (AND AFTER THAT they recreated society from scratch) (kings+queen fr)

[monstersflashlight]

Thoughts on nagas? I like how they're kind of a mix between werewolves (animal like, have knots, will use bodyweight to keep you in bed with them) and vampires (cold to the touch, bitey and uses venom to relax their partner)... also hemipenes are a huge plus

I also like the thought of a rattlesnake naga using their rattle on my clit like a vibrator

Hi! I love nagas! I agree with all your very valid points. Nagas are sexy af, fun to read and probably fun to write, too. I like the two peens situation, but i'm not sure about knotting. I prefer the knotting to go with werewolves and orcs, i don't know why but it just makes more sense in my head. Your rattlesnake idea is delightful, I take it. I also think nagas are pretty fun for non-sexy reasons. The whole laying on the sun sounds adorable, and I think their embrace could be top tier after-care, also a good anxiety relief system, constricting snake kinda way. I took this lil piece out of my drafts (might make it longer in the future). Like imagine:

Naga boyfriend who curls around you so tightly that you are about to pass out from lack of oxygen, he laughs it off, but the spark of fear fuels them. You feel them getting hard against you as he bites down on your neck, relaxing your whole body at once. You can feel everything, but barely move, he has you at his mercy. And he takes advantage of that. You lay there like a puppet as he eats you out with his long tongue, preparing both of your holes for him. When you are hot and bothered, stretched and relaxed... He fucks you senseless, your body is like a toy for him. He uses his rattlesnake to heighten your pleasure, vibrating against your nipples, against your clit. It's maddening. He keeps injecting venom into you, keeping you pliant for hours, making you orgasm so many times you can only cry every time it happens again. When he's finished with you, you are filled and stretched, so tired you can barely keep your eyes open. He curls around your body and presses you to the mattress, like a big snake-shaped weighted blanket.

[dinogoofymutated]

NSFW!nightcrawler/GN!AFAB!reader

This is my fic for mine and @pompeii-for-elephants ' fic exchange!! Hope you like it!!! I know I said I was surprised at myself when I wrote the cable smut, but this??? HOT DAYMN. Also, special thanks to @blue-devil-of-the-lord for their guide on german phrases for Kurt!

TWS: MNDI!!! Very tender Sex, PNV sex, shower handjobs, praise, cowgirl position, Nipple sucking, creampie. Kurt Wagner marry me I'm begging you

 You hated goodbyes, but worse than the goodbyes was the waiting. The nail-biting, anxious, unbelievably horrid waiting. 

  Kurt had been off on a mission with Logan and Rogue for about two weeks. You know it could be worse, understanding that some of these missions can take months at a time, but still. It was hard, being away from him for so long. You worried constantly about how he was, if he was okay, and if he needed anything. The moments where your mind was busy were moments of relief, as when you let your mind wander it always wandered back to him. 

  You’ve just dismissed your class for the day when Jean psychically gives you confirmation that the group of them would be coming home today, and you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. You’re almost done grading assignments when you hear the jet above the school and practically scramble out of your chair. You hastily turn off the light and close the door, speed-walking down the hallway and then down the stairs to the bottom floor. You’re almost at the steps of the basement when you hear a *Bamf!* from behind you. You practically skid to a stop, whipping around and catching sight of Kurt with an excited smile.

  You’re the first to tackle him into a hug. He hisses in a bit of pain, and you quickly try to pull away when you realize that he’s hurting. He’s not having any of it though, keeping you held tightly against his chest as he holds you close.

  “Ich habe dich vermisst.” Kurt says, pressing his face into your hair and breathing you in. “I went to your classroom, but it seems that I had been just a tad too late.” You laugh at that, giving him a gentle squeeze before pulling away just enough to see his face. His smile is contagious, and you cup his cheek lovingly, rubbing your thumb against a dark bruise that looks to be forming under his cheekbone. 

 “Sorry to lead you on a chase. How are you feeling?” You ask. Kurt hums, turning his head to press a kiss to your palm. 

  “Better now that I’ve seen you, Schatz.” You cock an eyebrow at that, and all he does is give you an innocent smile, albeit a tired one. You’re trying to be reasonable here, but god if it wasn't for a wave of cuteness aggression. You catch his lips in a kiss, so very thankful to have him back home. Kurt eagerly returns it, and you’ve certainly forgotten that this is still a school at this point. On cue, there’s a cough from somewhere behind you, and you separate from Kurt, only slightly embarrassed to be caught. It’s Logan, giving the two of you a knowing look and a bit of a smirk as he crosses his arms.

 “Sorry to interrupt the reunion, but you’re still needed for the mission report, elf.” Logan says. Kurt winces, and you frown at the thought of being away from him again. But, procedures were in place for a reason. Kurt kisses you on the cheek, taking your hands in his just briefly before he has to leave.

The whole afternoon has gone by with Kurt still caught up with his responsibilities. You’re getting ready for the shower with only a towel wrapped around you when you hear Kurt enter your shared room. He gives you a greeting that sounds tired, and you can’t help but peek out of the bathroom door, spotting sweet Kurt as he sighs and sits on the bed, exhausted. You try not to stare as he begins to take off his suit, but it’s admittedly hard. You frown at seeing his exhaustion, and the dark purple bruises that he reveals as he peels out of the clothing. You think for a moment, but come up with something you decide was more than fair.

  “I’ll see you as soon as I can, Ja?” He whispers. You nodd, smiling in a way you hope is rather reassuring. He smiles back, before following Logan back into the basement.

  “Hey, Kurt?” You ask sweetly, leaning against the doorway. 

  “Yes, love?” He asks. He does a double take when he looks up, giving you a tired smile once his surprise wears off.

  “Join me?” You add on. His bright smile is all you need as an answer, and he scrambles to get out of the suit faster as you walk back into the bathroom. He teleports behind you as you start the water, dragging you backward into his arms to make you giggle.

  “Let me help you with that, Mein Schatz.” Kurt says as he unravels the towel from you. He hangs it on the rack before turning back to you, and you can’t help but get closer to him, holding his face in your hands as you place a kiss on his forehead. His yellow eyes watch you fondly, his hands falling on your hips and his tail swaying happily as you hold him. Your hands stroke his cheekbones, before trailing down to his chest, rubbing your thumbs across his collarbones as you look at the bruises on his chest and abdomen. You frown, trailing a hand to the area to gingerly stroke the skin.

  “You let Hank check you out?” You ask. Kurt nods, taking your hand in his own and pressing it over his heart.

  “Alles ist gut, Don’t worry for me, Liebchen. I’ll heal soon enough.” He says, and you sigh at him, giving him a concerned look. Kurt had always been a defender and protector, and yet he still brushed off his aches and pains. Even now he stands here, telling you not to worry. He gives you a sheepish smile, brushing a hand through your hair soothingly.

  “It’s wash night. Let me wash your hair for you?” He asks. You smile, but shake your head before pulling him to the shower.

  “I was hoping I could take care of you tonight.” You say. Kurt simply chuckles in response, following you into the warm stream of water. You start by washing his hair, being careful around his ears and eyes when you rinse. Kurt has no complaints as you lavish him with attention, almost purring as you wash him and cover him in suds. You turn him around to wash his back, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before continuing. You can’t help but be a little cheeky, hands trailing down south, teasing the skin around his hipbones before sliding back to grab a handful of his ass. Kurt jumps a little but only laughs, his tail swatting your hands away.

  “Cheeky.” He remarks, and you can tell he’s smiling. You let out a small “Can you blame me?” before your hands travel back around his front. You kiss the back of his neck sweetly as your hands wander up and down his abdomen. Kurt sighs as he leans back into you, relaxing in your arms.

  Your hands begin to wander, trailing down to his cock as you just barely brush your fingers along his length. Kurt gasps, tail curling around one of your thighs as his head leans back.

  “Schatz…”

  “Tell me to stop, and I will.” You whisper into his ear, hands moving to his thighs, tracing the sensitive skin. “I know you’re tired, so just… let me know.”

  “No... no. Please, continue.” He begs, the tip of his tail swaying idly between your thighs. You kiss the skin below his ear as you begin to caress him again, gently stroking him to hardness amongst the soapy suds. His gasps and choked moans are lighting a fire inside of you as you stoke the one in him. You nip and suck on the sensitive skin of his ear, addicted to the feeling of him against you, and the sounds he makes in your hold. 

  He lets out a curse as you thumb the head of his cock, collecting a bead of precum as you stroke it back down his shaft. Your other hand drifts a bit lower, teasing his balls before you give them a gentle squeeze. Kurt lets out a little “-ah!” and a whine as you build him closer and closer to the finish line. His cock twitches in your hands, his breath coming in shaky pants. His hands reach back for your thighs, clenching and unclenching as he reaches closer to his peak. You pick up the pace of your strokes, and he lets out a loud whine when he cums. You stroke and kiss him through it, sucking a hickey into his skin as his hips thrust and legs shake. His cum coats your fingers when you’re finished, sticky and creamy in consistency. 

  “Feel better?” You ask. Kurt chuckles in response, taking one of your hands in his own, still coated in his cum. He kisses it before ducking it into the stream of water, cleaning your hands off before he turns around and kisses you. His tail wraps around your waist as he draws you as close as possible, only letting you go once he's had his fill.

  “Let me have you,” He whispers. “Please.” You're breathless at the words, biting your lip as you think it over. You kiss him again, and then a second time for good measure.

  “I don't want you to strain yourself. You've had a long day.” You tell him. Kurt pouts at you. His tail tightens slightly around your waist. You sigh with a smile at the look he gives you, his eyes half-lidded and needy. 

  “Okay, but I just want you to lay back and relax, alright? Let me do the work.” Your palms are set on his pecs, slowly sliding up and down the area. “Let me take care of you for a change.” You whisper. Kurt smiles at you, his tail unwrapping from your waist as he backs you up to the wall of the shower. He's got you cornered into the wall, and he brings a hand up, shutting off the water after pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.

  “As you wish.” He says.

  It's hard to keep up with what's happening between the shower and the bed, but once his back hits the sheets, you're engulfing him in love and praise, thankful to have him home and happy to serve him pleasure on a silver platter.

“You're so pretty, Kurt.” You hum, actively kissing across his fuzzy abs, a hand tracing the soft hair of his happy trail as you pay extra attention to the deep bruises he came home with. Kurt’s chest heaves, his hands clenching the pillow at his head as you lavish him in attention. The sight of him was stunning. Deep blue skin and pretty black curls… Kurt gasps underneath you as you drag your teeth bluntly across his nipple, and you can't help but smile at the sound. He's rock hard underneath you, flushed a pretty purple at his tip as his cock stands at attention. You don't let him stay painfully hard, stroking him slowly to scratch that itch he so desperately deserves to have scratched. 

  One of his hands unclenches from the pillow as you start to press kisses to his cock, teasing and licking the skin. The limb flexes by his hip, and you take the invitation to lace his fingers between your own. It was a bit awkward to figure out when the two of you first started dating, but there was no mountain you weren't willing to climb if it meant returning the love he gave you in such abundance. You know he would do the same for you if the roles were reversed. You stroke him a few final times, kissing the sensitive head of his cock and sucking it into your mouth as one last effort to hear him whine before you’re straddling him.

  You grind your wet folds against his cock, perhaps a little more sensitive than usual. Kurt's lost in a world of pleasure, desperately trying to keep his eyes open to watch you. You're absolutely soaked, already feeling like you could take him in entirely, but you continue to grind against him, spreading your slick across his shaft to make sure that there won't be any struggle on either end. His other hand comes down to rest on your hip, kneading the skin as you move. You squeeze your intertwined hands, resting your free one on top of the one he's placed on your hip.

  “I love your hands, you know that?” You murmur. Kurt responds with a moan as his hips jerk up, moving against yours. “-and your arms, your tail, and fuzz and- a-ah…” You bite your lip as the head of his cock catches on your clit. You're beginning to get impatient, even though you were the one who chose this pace in the first place. He just felt so good and warm against you- hitting all the right spots without even being inside you yet.

  “Please, love, let me- hng… I enjoy your words, and your praise, but perhaps too much. Spare me, please.” Kurt breathes. His grip on your hip has gotten rather tight, his tail winding around your thigh once again, like he does when he doesn't quite know what to do with it. He's waiting for you, you realize, and you want to do nothing more than kiss him silly.

  Instead, you do exactly what he asks for, and spare him. The head of his cock notches against your slit before he slides in without any effort, settling in comfortably for the both of you. Both of your moans greet the air at the action, surprised at the utter lack of resistance. You'd think that you'd have to be well prepared for this kind of thing, but no, seems that all you needed was Kurt.

  “That was… You feel…” Kurt’s struggling to get the words across, his eyes fluttering closed at the pleasure. You're trying your hardest not to balance yourself by leaning on him as you begin to slowly work your hips.

  “Believe- me, you did most of the -ah- work, handsome.” You say breathlessly. Kurt’s yellow eyes flicker open as you start moving earnestly, watching you ride him with conviction. Both of you moan when he happens to hit that spongy spot inside of you that feels so good. 

  “Danke, danke… Love- ah, fuck!” Kurt moans, his voice coming out breathlessly toward the end of his sentence. He doesn't curse like that very often, and it makes a flicker of heat light you up from the inside.

  “So good Kurt, you feel so good.” You gasp, each bounce of your hips causing his cock to stroke your insides just right. His hand on your hip begins to move up to your waist before it goes further to just barely brush against your sensitive nipples. You gasp again at the feeling, letting out an almost embarrassing moan.

  You're caught by surprise as Kurt is sitting up, letting go of your other hand to push you against him. He leans forward, his tail now flicking excitedly behind him as he sucks and nips at the skin of your chest. You rest your hands against his shoulders as you pick up the pace of your hips, addicted to the feeling of Kurt’s hums and moans as he sucks on your nipples.

  “I’m…I'm close-” Kurt barely separates from your body to say the words, his hands clenching against you has he begins to tense and twitch.

  “Ye-Yeah?” You ask, one hand tangling itself in his still-damp hair. “Okay, handsome- ah- I've got you.” You can feel him begin to twitch inside of you, each and every movement bringing both of you to your peaks. Kurt lets go of your chest as he kisses his way up to your mouth, catching you in an urgent and passionate kiss.

  “Cum for me, please.” You say in between his kisses. He simply moans in response as your hips begin to falter, a telltale sign that you're about to reach that sweet, sweet pleasure.

  Kurt cums first, tensing and shaking underneath you as spurts of his cum warm your insides. He brings a thumb to your clit to help you meet your own orgasm as you work him through his. Stars flash in your eyes as you hit that peak of pleasure, grinding against him, once, twice, three more times before you collapse against his chest. Kurt chuckles contently beneath you, rubbing your back and kissing the parts of you he can reach as you rest against him.

  “You okay?” You ask the moment you're back down to earth again. “I didn't hurt you in any way, did I?” Kurt shakes his head at you, leaning back to look you in the eyes.

  “No, not at all, Liebling.” He says fondly. “I'm not sure you could if you tried.” You can't help but smile at that, sighing into him as you rest against his chest. It feels good to have him back. He slips out of you before he lays both of you back down against the cushions, where you take your chance to pepper his face with kisses.

  “Ich liebe dich.” He says softly. “So much. Much more than you know.”

  “I love you more.”

[meanbossart]

ASK COMPILATION ABOUT THE WEIRD DROW

Replying to a couple of shorter questions! Sorry that I can't get to all of you lest this blog just turns into a stream of constant asks, but I read all of your messages and to be honest there are several that I'm saving to draw something for 😭 alas there are only so many hours in a day.

Thank you for all the support and interactivity as always!

He takes fairly good care of things he considers important or useful - otherwise he's pretty messy or at least indifferent to mess. Definitely a "leaves the wet towel on the bed" guy LOL

Okay so I was bad and not used to DnD mechanics or spells the first time I played the game, so I RARELY ever cast Speak With Animals and had very little sense of their personality during his campaign - BUT THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN I DID.

THERE WAS ONE TIME WHERE I REMEMBERED.

AND IT WAS PERFECT.

He adores and most of all respects this intense little guy with his whole heart.

[MORE UNDER THE CUT]

Serious answer: he respects wild animals far too much to try and make one into a pet.

Non-serious but still true answer: He would never do that and have to deal with Astarion's incessant Drizzt Do'urden joke comparisons for the rest of his existence. That's that man's personal hell.

He's fairly adaptable! But as far as dynamics go, he does lean bottom regardless of who he's with in bed, but this doesn't necessarily translate into always being on the receptive end of things.

If he were to be with a cisgender woman who doesn't wear a strap like its a second pair of briefs, he would be more than happy to be the pitcher the majority of the time. I think the only scenario where he would be dissatisfied is a restrictive one - he couldn't be with someone who doesn't want to enjoy his whole body in earnest, or who can't flip the roles every once in a while. Also, you have to be a little gross. He has probably caught Astarion off-guard with the things he did on a whim/suggested they do more than once. All in all, as long as whoever he's with is versatile and not a prude, they could probably make it work.

He killed Minthara in her lair and all he got was a bear out of it. Good thing killing her was it's own reward!

MAN... Could just be that his story is far too concrete in my brain already, but it's hard for me to see that working. They are both far too out of touch with their emotions and quiet in their demeanor for me to envision a durable romance sparking. Also, DU drow (who has no clue how old he is himself) thinks of Shadowheart as being far too young for him.

There is a mutual understanding between them that there is a barrier that neither of them is willing to let the other get past - and because that is something they both share, they won't, and they might never try. They work so well as friends because of their similarities, but in a relationship I think that would be to their detriment.

Also, I think silver-haired Shadowheart's wants and needs for her future far diverge from DU drow's chaotic lifestyle, ultimately It's probably best for them to make their own paths.

HAHAHAHA LISTEN.... YOU'RE TALKING AS IF THOSE TWO THINGS DON'T GO TOGETHER PERFECTLY WELL BUT IN MY MIND THEY ARE ONE AND THE SAME.

The thing about DU drow is that he might be a bottom, but he's a very... Uh, engaged bottom. He can be as dominant with a dick in his ass as he can be submissive depending on how it jives with his partner- and he's gonna spew some nonsense either way LOL

Either way... I feel ya brother 😔🍑

He did it himself during a dinner Gortash invited him to. At the table. With a meat knife. He was trying to prove a really stupid point/put Gortash off of him.

I have a script for this and I still need to draw it someday! 🤦‍♂️

He doesn't think anything of it now - it's so far in the past and DU drow obviously isn't the judgemental type when it comes to sordid individuals LOL

As a person, however, Astarion likely wasn't the kind of guy that he would have gotten along with, and vice-versa. Sounds to me like he was pretty poshy and did all his misdeeds under the table - DU drow wouldn't have strong feelings about it from an ethical standpoint, but he wouldn't respect it either. Also, DU drow's is practically anarchistic in his political views - soooooo not much room there to be in love with politicians. I'm sure pre-vampirism Astarion would have less than favorable opinions about him as well so the feeling would have been mutual LOL.

ABSOLUTELY NOT HE NEEDS BOTH EYES TO CUT THROUGH FOES he will gladly put Gale on the slab to see what happens though LMAO

[sea-owl]

I was just thinking about the whole Debling vs Colin thing and I kinda wanted to point this out.

Debling and Colin are actually both perfect for Penelope but different sides to her.

Debling is Lady Whistledown's perfect match while Colin is Penelope's perfect match.

Debling has work he leaves for years to do, passions that take up more of his heart than any living human would. He left behind his own family who he says never understood him but that's all we know. He wants a wife to take care of the estate and the home front. He doesn't read Whistledown, meaning he won't ever see any similarities between Penelope's writing and Lady Whistledown's. If Penelope was truly Lady Whistledown all the time like the switch was flipped and never turned off, then this is a perfect life for her. On her own, left alone, and can run her business without interference. If she wants, she can fudge the numbers a little bit to hide some of her own money away in the estate. She'll have children one day that she'll love. She will be secured. She will also continue the status quo of her life before of being alone in her own home, and I would make the argument becoming more like Portia as time would go on. Now, don't get me wrong. Debling is a good man, but he is also Lord Featherington in a different font. Penelope already knows what life with Lord Debling would look like she's seen it in her parents' marriage, in her father. Lord Featherington put his own passions before his family as well, and while he never physically left, that man completely dissociated around his family. Again this type of life would be perfect for Lady Whistledown but Penelope rightfully so hesitates.

Colin, on the other hand, while he has his own passions, will still put someone he loves first. He's willing to be there to support them if they need it. He has a close bond with his family and wants to open that bond to any potential spouse that may be folded in. Once he knows his feelings, he's not afraid to show them. He's affectionate and sensitive to others. He also I noticed forgives rather quickly meaning he has the ability to see from someone else's perspective. This is someone Penelope has dreamed of for years, and frankly kind of needs. She's been emotionally starved of affection and never has seen or heard acts of love outside the few she's had from the Bridgertons. She was raised on tough love and never really shown softness before. Colin can give her that softness, that love, and happiness. But Colin is also a horrible match for Lady Whistledown. He is always in Penelope's business and space, and if not him, another member of his family would be. All in good faith, they watch out for one another, but it would make Penelope's absence a lot more noticeable. Penelope will also be shoved in the spotlight as well marrying in and while she has craved the potential change it makes her work much harder. His disdain for Whistledown as well has been well spoken to others. He also potentially has the clues to piece together Penelope's identity. He has her letters and Lasy Whistledown is not hard to get either. If Penelope accidentally made any mistakes in either writings, like similar phrasing or she reused something from his letters in Whistledown he could clue it together. He will most likely be angry at first but I also think given time to cool off he be willing to hear her out. He's already shown he's not afraid to fight for her so what's one more round?

And the funny thing is Colin has the potential to be Lady Whistledown's match as well. He's a good writer and has been shown to engage in gossip, too. He moves fluidly around the ton, charming them and easily communicating with them. His strengths compliment can help boost where Penelope has a weakness. They can very easily become true partners, Lord and Lady Whistledown. We first just have to get Colin to warm up to the idea.

[writingforstraykids]

I always see you

Pairing: Minchan (mention of OT8)

Word Count: 4048

Summary: After their break Minho isn't quite happy with his currently gained weight. Struggling to accept himself, his friends make it worse by pointing out the changes of his body lovingly and teasingly. Chan tries to figure out what's wrong, but it takes a while until Minho lets him.

Warnings/Tags: angst, fluff, weight gain, minho hates the sight of himself, gets called soft, squishy, cute, etc. for it, minho collapses at the gym

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

Minho stands before the mirror, his eyes tracing the new curves and edges of his body. It's not new, this version of himself that greets him in the morning, but he never likes it. The changes their long break caused are undeniable: his cheeks fuller, his midsection softer. Each glance brings a new fresh wave of discomfort, a stark contrast to the image he had of himself just months ago. The many weeks of freedom had been very beneficial for his mental health but the lack of work, stress and hours of practice made his body soften, all the food rounding his edges. 

He inhales shakily, fingers hesitating, then presses into the softness at his belly. The texture feels so different to what he's been used to. Minho sighs, the sound as heavy as the thoughts clouding his mind. This isn't just a physical change, it's a whole shift in how he sees himself and what he thinks others will see now. 

He pulls one of Chan's shirts over his head, relaxing a little at the way it falls around his body. Chan's broader than him, there's no chance he'll fill it out the same as Chan with his shoulders and trained arms. Minho forces himself downstairs, the scent of breakfast making his stomach growl already. He swallows hard and slips into his chair next to Chan who's talking to Seungmin next to him. 

Chan's hand finds his thighs and Minho relaxes at the simple but soothing touch. He reaches for some water and leans back in his chair after, smiling as Chan turns to him. “Hey there,” Chan whispers, leaning in for a kiss. 

“Hey,” Minho says softly, a genuine smile tugging at his lips as they kiss. “You slept okay?” he asks, gently brushing back his hair, fingers running through the soft curls. 

“Yeah, missed you though,” he confesses. Minho said something about not sleeping well lately and not wanting to wake him up so they decided to sleep separately. 

“I'm sorry,” Minho whispers, swallowing hard. He's sleeping just fine but the thought of Chan clinging to him, hands wandering over his body isn't as soothing as it usually would be. He'd notice. 

“Are you two done being all loving that early in the morning?” Hyunjin teases and Minho redirects his attention to the table. 

Chan hands him waffles Felix made and reaches for the orange juice. “You want some?” he asks and his boyfriend nods politely. 

“Thank you,” he smiles, as Chan pours him a glass. 

“You're welcome, baby,” he smiles brightly. 

“Why is Minho hyung getting served breakfast and not me?” Jeongin chimes in teasingly. Minho giggles and takes the first bite. He bites back a moan, tasting the perfectly fluffy waffle. 

“Who can blame him? Have you seen how cute Minho looks lately?” Jisung asks and Chan laughs. 

“Lately?” he wonders. 

“Look at his cheeks,” he tells him and gently pokes Minho's cheek. “They're so squishy, it's so cute,” he giggles and the room erupts in laughter.

The comment was meant in good humor, but scraped against Minho’s insecurities like sandpaper. His smile remains, but his eyes don't meet his friends’. He slowly lowers his fork and reaches for the juice instead, hand stopping mid-air before reaching for the water. Chan notices and frowns softly. “You're okay?” he asks quietly, only for them to hear. 

“Yeah, just not really hungry,” he lies with a brave smile. He subconsciously pulls at his shirt, trying to mask the softness that settled around his middle. Minho catches himself searching for signs of judgment in the eyes of his friends whenever they look at him. The mere possibility of them thinking ill of him makes him sick to the core. 

Minho’s struggle with his self-image continues long after the breakfast table has been cleared and the last jokes have faded into the background. The comments about his cheeks, meant lightly, linger in his mind like echoes in a hollow room. Minho can't shake off the heavy blanket of insecurity that has settled over him.

He finds himself back in front of the mirror again and swallows hard, meeting his reflection. His thighs look thicker than usually, his arms feel soft and he hesitantly pinches his cheeks. Tears well up in his eyes as he crawls back into bed and curls up beneath the blanket. 

A gentle knock at the door startles him and only seconds later Chan's inside. “Hey, kitten,” he says softly. “Want some cuddles?”

“Not really,” he lies, his whole body craving to be held by Channie. 

“Oh,” Chan nods and chews on his lower lip. “You're okay?”

“Yeah.” Another lie. 

“...Are we okay?” he asks timidly, the sound feeling like a punch to the stomach for Minho. 

“Yeah, we're okay,” he whispers and can tell his boyfriend's relaxing. “I just need some space, I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” Chan assures him. “You know where to find me if you need something.”

“Mhm,” he hums softly and curls up further into himself. “Channie?” he asks, but it's too late as he's already gone. “I love you,” he whispers, hot tears pooling in his eyes. 

The room feels too large, too empty as Minho buries himself deeper under the covers, his heart aching with a pain that seems to seep into his bones. The silence left in Chan’s wake is deafening, and Minho is left alone with his swirling thoughts and escalating fears. The words of comfort he longs to hear are absent, replaced by the echoes of his own insecurities that replay in his mind like a broken record.

The day drags on painfully slow. Minho spends hours just lying there, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, his mind replaying every moment that morning when he felt judged, whether it was real or imagined. The light-hearted comments at breakfast, the shared laughter—all of it now feels like subtle digs at his changing appearance.

As the sun begins to set, painting the room with hues of orange and pink, Minho realizes he can't stay hidden forever. He needs to face his fears, his friends, and most importantly, Chan. Pulling himself from the bed, he washes his face, avoiding his reflection in the mirror, not ready to face himself just yet.

Walking into the living room, he finds Chan there, lost in a book. The sight of him, so relaxed and content, stirs a mix of emotions in Minho—envy, longing, and love. Chan looks up, his expression changing instantly from calm to concerned as he takes in Minho’s appearance.

“Hey,” Chan says softly, setting his book aside. “You look like you could use this more than I could,” he gestures to the spot next to him on the couch.

Minho hesitates, but the inviting warmth in Chan’s eyes is too much to resist. He sits beside Chan, maintaining a small gap between them, a physical manifestation of the emotional distance he feels.

Chan respects the space for a moment, then speaks. “Minho, talk to me. Whatever it is, we can figure it out together.”

“I can't,” he shakes his head. 

“Why?” Chan asks patiently. 

“I…I've changed,” he says, avoiding Chan's confused look. 

“Changed?” he asks. 

“Yeah.”

Minho’s eyes fill with tears and Chan moves closer, bridging the gap between them. “We all change, Minho. It’s part of life. But those changes don’t define us. They’re just... part of our story. And my story isn’t complete without you in it,” he tries his best, not really knowing the true issue at hand. 

The simplicity and truth of Chan’s words wash over Minho, bringing a sense of peace he hasn’t felt in days. He leans into Chan, resting his head on Chan’s shoulder, allowing himself to feel the support and love he’s been denying himself. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you away,” Minho murmurs.

Chan wraps an arm around him, pulling him closer. “It’s okay. I’m here, whenever you’re ready.”

They sit in silence, watching the sun dip below the horizon, the sky a canvas of colors that slowly fade into twilight. 

-

On a breezy afternoon, Minho and the others arrive at the television studio, ready for their guest appearance on a popular show that was famous for putting celebrities on the spot with unexpectedly personal questions. The friendship among the group is evident as they joke and laugh, trying to ease their nerves before facing the unpredictable host and live audience.

As the show begins, the host greets them warmly, his booming voice setting a lively tone. The studio is abuzz with excitement, fans cheering as the camera showcases each member's face. The host begins with light, easy questions about recent projects and upcoming plans, allowing the group to settle in and get comfortable with the format.

However, the atmosphere shifts as the host transitions to more personal inquiries, a segment known for revealing responses and creating memorable TV moments. The questions range from their living habits to romantic lives, pushing the boundaries of what they usually shared publicly.

They handle the questions with humor and grace, skillfully navigating the trickier topics. But the tension ratchets up when the host turns the conversation toward a lighter, yet subtly challenging question, “Who among you would you say is the cutest?”

Instantly, the members burst into laughter, playfully pointing at Minho. “Definitely Minho,” Chan declares, his statement echoed by nods and chuckles from the others.”But, I'm biased,” he winks at Minho who flashes him a shy smile. 

“Yes, have you seen his cheeks? Absolutely pinchable!” Felix adds, his comment drawing laughter from the audience.

Seungmin chimes in, his tone teasing but affectionate, “And don’t get us started on his soft tummy and those thick thighs, he’s the cutest!”

“Minho's one of the best people to cuddle with,” Jisung agrees. 

While the audience find these comments amusing, laughing and clapping at the banter, Minho forces a smile, feeling a familiar sting of insecurity. His cheeks burn, not from flattery, but from embarrassment. Though he knows his members meant no harm, the focus on his physical attributes in such a public setting reignited the deep-seated insecurities about his body image.

The host, sensing a hit with the audience, decides to dig deeper. “Oh, really? That sounds adorable! Minho, how do you feel about being the ‘cutest’ in such a... unique way?”

Minho clears his throat, searching for the right words. “I guess it’s nice to be appreciated,” he replies, his voice slightly strained, hoping to steer the conversation away from his body.

The show continues, with other members discussing their own quirks and stories, but Minho grows quieter. He laughs at the right moments and answers when spoken to, but his responses are brief, his mind replaying the earlier comments.

After the recording ends and the cameras stops rolling, the group retreats to their dressing room. Minho is unusually silent, keeping his distance. Chan notices Minho’s subdued mood and follows him to a corner of the room.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chan asks gently, concern evident in his voice.

Minho sighs, the weight of his emotions visible. “I don’t know, Chan. I just felt really put on the spot out there.”

Chan nods, his expression understanding. “I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have drawn attention to you like that. I just worried that if I didn't say my boyfriend's the cutest people would think we'd be fighting.”

“I know, love,” he sighs softly. “I wasn't talking about you.”

“Oh, you meant the others? When they said why you're cute?” he asks and Minho nods slowly. “But they have a point, you know? Your cheeks are so cute and I love how they get so adorably squishy when you smile. I love your thighs, I don't think we have to talk about that. And yeah, your stomach got so soft, it's adorable,” Chan says and Minho blinks at him timidly.

“So…you agree with them?” he asks quietly and Chan glances through the room, distracted by a sudden shout. 

He doesn't see the desperation in Minho's eyes as he answers. “Yeah, I mean, you're cute and I love all that about you,” he says, not seeing Minho's face fall, anxiety clouding his features. 

“Yeah, I - uhm - I'll be back,” he stammers, quickly walking to the bathroom, barely noticing Chan scolding two of their friends. Shit. His own boyfriend thinks of him like that as well.

Minho rushes to the sanctuary of the bathroom, the cool tile against his skin grounding him as he leans against the sink. His heart races, a chaotic drumbeat echoing the turmoil in his mind. Chan's words replay over and over, each repetition a sharp twist of the knife of insecurity that had already dug deep into his self-esteem.

Inside the small, dimly lit room, Minho stares into the mirror, his eyes tracing the contours of his face and body that Chan had described with such casual affection. But where Chan sees cuteness, Minho sees only flaws magnified by his own harsh judgment and now, seemingly confirmed by the person whose opinion matters most. The disparity between how he views himself and how Chan claims to view him creates nothing but doubt in his heart.

Trying to stifle the rising panic, Minho takes deep breaths, attempting to focus on the reality of the situation rather than the distorted thoughts fueled by his insecurities. He tells himself that Chan loves him, that his words were meant in fondness, not critique. But the warmth that should have accompanied such assurances feels cold and distant now.

After several minutes alone, battling his inner demons, Minho washes his face, the cold water a sharp wake-up call to the emotions he needed to manage before facing the others again. With a final glance at his reflection, he squares his shoulders and steps out, attempting to mask the inner fight with a calm demeanor.

Back in the dressing room, the atmosphere had shifted. The earlier craziness had been replaced by calmness as the members sensed the tension. Chan immediately notices Minho’s return, his expression one of concern mixed with confusion.

“Minho, are you okay?” Chan approaches, reaching out but stopping short of touching, as if unsure whether his comfort is welcome.

Minho nods, not trusting his voice. His mind is still racing, not just from the comments on the show, but now more painfully from Chan’s unintentional confirmation of those.

“I’m sorry if what I said upset you. I didn’t mean it to sound the way it did,” Chan said earnestly, his eyes searching Minho’s for forgiveness.

Minho manages a small smile, appreciating the apology but still feeling the sting. “It’s not just you,” he admits. “It’s hearing it said out loud, on TV, and then... it just feels like everyone sees me that way.”

Chan’s face softens. “Minho, to me, and to all of us, you’re perfect. And if anything we say makes you feel less than amazing, then we need to fix that, because you deserve to feel loved and secure.”

Chan sounds sincere, and Minho feels a warmth begin to break the icy hold of his fear around his heart. “Thanks, Chan. I just need some time to process this, I think.”

“Of course,” Chan agrees, giving him space. “We’re all here for you, whenever you’re ready.”

-

One morning, a few days later, Minho wakes up earlier than usual, his sleep restless and disturbed by thoughts of dissatisfaction with his physical self. The mirror is no kinder at dawn than at any other time, reflecting back a version of himself he still struggles to accept. With a determined breath, he decides to take a more active approach. He knows that Chan has always maintained a consistent workout routine, even during their break, his discipline unwavering.

Minho walks quietly into the kitchen where Chan is already up, probably preparing for his morning jog. The kitchen smells of coffee, and the early light filters in softly through the curtains. Chan, noticing Minho’s early appearance, looks up with a smile that’s both questioning and welcoming.

“Morning,” Minho starts, his voice a little more than a whisper. “Can we talk?”

“Of course, what’s up?” Chan nods, focusing fully on him. 

Minho takes a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I’ve been thinking... I want to start working out again. Seriously. And I was wondering if... if you could help me? Maybe go to the gym together?” His voice is hopeful yet tense, the weight of his request more significant than the words might suggest.

Chan’s response is immediate and supportive as always. “Sure, kitten. I’d love to help you out. When do you want to start?”

“Maybe today?” Minho suggests, a bit hastily, driven by a surge of motivation that he fears might dissolve if given too much time to think.

“Today it is,” Chan agrees with a nod, his tone encouraging. “We’ll take it easy, start slow, and find a pace that feels right for you.”

The decision made, Minho feels a brief flicker of relief, quickly followed by anxiety. He’s committed now, no turning back.

By the time they arrive at the gym, Minho’s as excited as nervous. It's been ages since he joined Channie here. Chan leads the way, guiding Minho through the initial stretches and warm-up routines. 

They start on some light cardio, and Chan keeps the conversation light, sharing stupid little stories and ensuring Minho’s mind is engaged and his body correctly paced. But as they move on to weight training, Minho, feeling a rush of determination, begins to push himself harder. He adds more weight than Chan advises, his thoughts fixated on erasing the softness that has become his focus of discontent.

“Take it slow, Min. There’s no rush,” Chan tries, noting the strain on Minho’s face.

“I’m okay,” Minho insists, gritting his teeth as he lifts, the muscles in his arms trembling with the effort.

But the desire to see immediate change, to regain some control over his body, drives him to ignore the signs of fatigue that begin to creep up on him. He moves from one exercise to the next, increasing the intensity despite Chan’s growing concerns.

“Minho, that’s enough,” Chan finally steps in firmly after Minho bypasses his recommended weights yet again. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Minho’s next lift is shaky; his arms quiver violently as he tries to bench press more than he's handled in months. As he struggles to lift, a wave of dizziness washes over him. The room tilts, his vision blurs, and suddenly, the weight feels like it doubles. Chan reacts quickly, stepping in to re-rack the weights, but Minho’s strength gives out. He collapses onto the bench, his breath ragged, his body surrendering to the exhaustion and strain.

Chan is immediately by his side, his voice laced with worry. “Minho! Are you okay? Talk to me, baby.”

Lying on the bench, Minho’s breaths come fast and hard. He closes his eyes, fighting the nausea and the embarrassment that floods through him. “I... I'm sorry,” he manages to say, his voice weak.

“We need to get you checked out,” Chan insists, but Minho shakes his head.

“Just... just give me a minute,” he pleads, needing a moment to gather himself.

Chan nods, visibly concerned, and sits down next to him, offering silent support. Minho’s breathing gradually slows, and the dizziness subsides, leaving behind a sobering realization of his limits.

After a few minutes, Minho sits up, his body still echoing with the aftermath of his collapse. “I’m sorry, Chan. I just wanted to... I don’t know what I wanted.”

Chan’s response is gentle but firm. “You don’t have to push yourself to prove anything, Minho. It’s okay to take time, to build back up at a pace that’s healthy. Let’s just focus on that, okay?” Minho's eyes brim with tears and before he can stop himself a sob ripples through his chest. Chan looks up in shock, surging forward and pulling him into a tight hug. “No, baby, I'm sorry, it's okay. I'm not mad,” he rambles worriedly, holding him tight. 

“I'm sorry,” Minho sobs and Chan's not quite sure what he's apologizing for. 

“Shh, I got you, Minnie,” he promises soothingly, kissing his hair. “I'm here, baby.”

“I-I lied,” he admits. “I said I'm fine but I'm so not fine,” he tells him through tears. 

“What's wrong, hm? You can tell me,” Chan encourages him gently. 

“I just… I feel so out of place in my own body. Every comment, every look—it feels like a critique. I thought if I pushed hard enough today, if I could just start looking the way I used to, maybe I’d feel better about myself. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so… so disgusting,” Minho confesses, his voice breaking under the weight of his insecurities.

Chan tightens his embrace, his heart aching at Minho’s words. “Minnie, you’re not disgusting. You’re not any of the negative things you think about yourself. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this way, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like you need to change anything about yourself. I love you, just the way you are, always.”

They sit in silence for a while, Chan holding Minho as he cries, letting out all the pent-up emotions he had been holding back. Gradually, Minho's sobs subside, and he feels a sense of relief having shared his deepest fears with Chan.

“Thank you,” Minho whispers, feeling a bit lighter. “I guess I’ve been so scared of not meeting everyone’s expectations, including my own, that I’ve been pushing myself too hard.”

Chan nods, helping Minho to stand up. “Let’s take things slow, okay? We’ll work on a plan that feels good for you, no rush or unrealistic goals. And we'll focus on how you feel, not just how you look. Your health, both mental and physical, is what’s most important.”

Minho nods, feeling grateful for Chan’s understanding and support. They decide to leave the gym for the day, focusing instead on recovery and rest. 

-

Gradually, Minho’s perception begins to shift. The mirror no longer feels like an enemy, but a tool to observe and appreciate the natural evolution of his body. The softness he once viewed with disdain became a sign of the life he had lived, the meals enjoyed with friends, the nights spent curled up with Chan, safe and loved.

Their journey wasn’t without its setbacks. There were days when old insecurities crept back, whispering unwelcome thoughts into Minho’s mind. But now, armed with new coping strategies and supported by Chan’s unwavering love, Minho faced each challenge with a resilience that grew stronger over time.

Through it all, Minho’s relationship with his body transformed. It became less about what he saw in the mirror and more about what he felt within. With Chan by his side, he rediscovered confidence, not just in his physical self, but in his emotional and mental resilience.

One evening, as they are getting ready for bed, Minho stands in front of the mirror again. This time, however, the reflection he sees is different. Not because his body had changed significantly, but because his perception had.

“I’m okay with this,” Minho says softly, tracing the same curves and edges he used to criticize. Chan, standing behind him, wraps his arms around Minho’s waist and rests his chin on Minho’s shoulder.

“You’re more than okay; you’re amazing,” Chan whispers, kissing Minho’s cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

Minho leans back into Chan’s embrace, a smile spreading across his face. For the first time in a long time, he believes those words. He was learning to love himself again, and with Chan by his side, he felt unstoppable, ready to face whatever challenges came next, knowing he was enough, exactly as he was. “I think I’m finally starting to feel like myself again,” he murmurs.

Chan squeezes his hand, a silent vow echoing in the simple gesture. “I always see you, Minho. And I always love who I see.”

In the end, Minho realized that the journey to self-acceptance wasn’t about returning to who he was before but about embracing who he was now and who he was becoming. Each day brought new challenges, but also new opportunities to love himself a little more, supported by Chan’s love, which remained constant like the horizon—always present, no matter the changes in the landscape.

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist (Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist):

@atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @aaa-sia @lilmisssona @skzoologist @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @rebecca-johnson-28 @lixie-phoria @kibs-and-bits @xxstrayland @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @mellhwang @palindrome969 @michelle4eve @harshaaaaa @rylea08 @heeyboooo @manuosorioh @gisaerlleri @andassortedkpop @lailac13 @bbokari711 @kazuuuaaa @rssamj @wolfyychan @stellasays45 @chrizzztopherbang @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @silentreadersthings @myforevermelody143 @sapphirewaves

[gabriellaeva2005]

I really cannot express how much this piece of work means to me! As corny as it sounds I really found this story at the perfect point in my life, I initially started reading the impulse 1995 comics when I was 14 and I ended up falling upon this story when I was 17 I just immediately fell in love! The concept was so creative and fit into the pre-existing plot line perfectly! All the new characters are so enjoyable to read, Nathaniel and Jude have such a wonderful and also sad dynamic, as a twin my self every scene with them just really hit me in the heart! Six especially in the first several chapters was so comically annoying and clearly insecure, in a way that I think a lot of us can relate to, one way or another especially when we got to here is internal monologue, I’ve always been a sucker for the asshole character with an air of insouciance and superiority, who by the end of the story, just ends up being a pretty all right guy! And Five oh my god five! I love this guy so much! he’s just so genuine and someone who clearly cares deeply, and him being technically the physically oldest in the room, but also being the one with the least amount of experience is a very literal take on an experience I think a lot of people have felt, myself included, And I think we all know I’m a Three apologist, his whole story is just so devastating and haunting, part of me is always rooting for him, whilst also being terrified for what he might do to the other characters, there is so much complexity with his relationships with the other characters, such as five and four, every time theirs a seen with three and four the writing always makes me feel so on edge and is really able to puts me in three’s shoes! And god! The way three and five interact is so sweet and sad there relationship is just too much! The last chapter absolutely destroyed me!! And Bart and Thad are so perfectly characterized it truly just feels like a natural progression of their characters, the way they both are just really struggling to deal with the inevitability of change hit me so hard, like I said I started reading the impulse comics when I was 14 so these characters have such a place in my heart, so now being able to read about them going through these struggles, when I was also experiencing a lot of change, is such a comfort to me, it was like in a way these characters got older with me, and you know it’s always nice to see some of your childhood characters going through the same stuff as you, currently being a slightly terrified 18 year old, it was great to be able to read about two other slightly terrified 18 year olds, anyways I wanted to post some of my sketches from the past few weeks, and don’t worry there are definitely more to come cause I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop drawing these guys!

@cryptocism you really sent me on a journey, thank you for that!💖💖

[the-ace-with-spades]

Bradley was a total loser in high school but in the way that he was still liked by everyone. He was all over the place, playing baseball, doing theater (mostly musicals...), and keeping up with all the 'nerds' in his year in maths and physics, a mathlete, all to make himself a good candidate for the USNA. He'd also go to youth military camps during summer and worked a part-time job since he was a sophomore.

Everyone at school knew of him, but he was so closed off that he was a mystery to many, which in turn made him have close to zero friends, but people liked him and he was never bullied. This was partially due to being too busy to have friends, partially due to him being afraid to bring friends home (because of Mav and Ice's secret relations...) and partially because Bradley had a hard time making friends in general — he's been moving around a lot as a kid and often had to swap schools mid-semester but also had more trauma and issues than your average kid.

And a lot of the kids who did try to befriend him were intimidated —Bradley was a chill, friendly, and nice guy on the surface, very talented as well, seemed not to care about other people's opinions and just did his thing, but then the minute you learned more about him, he was intense. He had his whole life planned already in a way most teenagers do not — chose his college, chose the job he wants, has been preparing for it for years already. Military camps, pilot licence, science on a level suitable for aerospace engineering, multiple side hobbies, all successful, deep knowledge of the military and political scene, all before he even finished high school. To the kids who learned more about him he was cool, but in the 'he seems like a future legend' way, almost too picture-perfect. It was very isolating for Bradley but also something he carried into adulthood out of haplessness — he can be the heart of the crowd, but he's never close with anyone, opposite of an open book, always trying to do his own thing while trying to not care about what others think (this has also been exaggerated by what Mav did to his USNA application...)

Jake was from the popular crowd but a lot of people only pretended to like him. He was the football star and had pretty good grades, took part in the debate club and also volunteered with their church — in their small town, he was the perfect golden child. Every parent wanted their kid to be like him. A lot of people only befriended him because they thought being friends with him would also put them on the same pedestal and were pretty fake, disliking him behind his back.

On the inside though, he was just the local farmers' boy who always gave all of himself to others, no matter what it was. His humility was genuine at the beginning but when everyone questioned him and called it fake, he started to have an attitude just to appease everyone's expectations and not be eaten alive. He didn't know what he wanted to do with his life but he tried to give his best whatever he wasn't doing — so a lot of the things he did were what he felt was expected of him. He's tall and athletic, their football team is good — he should join. His dad never finished high school and wanted his kids to have a good education — so he tried his best to make him proud. His mama ran the local book club and helped the church and their pastor almost every day — he should show that he inherited some of her leadership and good, god-lead heart. It even went to a point where he knew he wasn't interested in girls at all, but felt like he had to try because that's what teenage popular boys do — they date, they hook up, they have crushes.

Choosing to go USNA and deciding he wanted to be an aviator was the first thing he did for himself (after letting himself develop a fascination with flying and planes first) and so many people were disappointed with him — so many people said he was wasting his potential, a career in varsity football, any other potentially well-paying, respected jobs he could get if he went to a good college and not joined the military. Every single adult discouraged him from it, telling him how he's not going to do well and how he had more options than almost all of the kids in their town. Even his own parents were, well not unsupportive but also not very supportive. His dad who had been drafted, openly discouraged him from joining the military and often said he should not waste all his hard work.

(The above was brought to you by a fic idea: Bradley didn't go to his high school reunion but when Jake gets an invite for his, he feels like he needs to go to prove something to himself - that all the people who said he's wasting his potential and who pretended to like him to be in the right social circles were wrong and that he's happy and satisfied with his life.

He and Bradley are together at the time and he decides to take him as his plus one. This proves to be another challenge — taking his boyfriend to his small, kinda homophobic town, and trying to fight off the reality and judgment from all the people he's always wanted to please and prove something to.

Especially since Bradley doesn't completely understand why Jake wants to do it — he can see how badly it's affecting him and he just doesn't get the point of doing something or interacting with people who make Jake feel shitty about himself. He's conflicted between being supportive and calling Jake out on how self-destructive and pointless the whole reunion is for him.

Also: Jake's parents and Jake's ex-girlfriends. Disaster waiting to happen.)

[writeforfandoms]

Fast Car 1

Find my Ghost masterlist

My second submission for the Ghost Challenge hosted by @glitterypirateduck

You can't believe your luck when you find what looks like a functional car, an excellent way to repair your own car. Turns out you were right not to trust your luck. The truck has owners, and those owners are not happy to find you rummaging around. Oops?

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader

For this one, I used a few different prompts through the whole fic - have fun finding each of them! #'s 3, 9, 14, 18, 27

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: Canon typical violence, light violence, swearing, zombie au, mention of cannibals.

You slowed when you spotted the truck. The truck itself wasn't that unusual - they existed aplenty out here in the country, away from the remains of civilization. 

But this one had fresh tire tracks behind it, the ground still a little soft with the rains from last night. 

You hadn't seen a working vehicle in… months. Maybe a year. 

Of course, you could have a working vehicle of you could find a replacement part. 

Maybe you'd take a look. Real quiet and sneaky like. Just a little look. Just in case you could find a complementary part. 

You weren't stupid, though. You looked around carefully, checked the footprints around the truck. Checked for any movement. Listened hard too. 

But there was nothing. Whoever had come in the truck was long gone, but could be back any time. If you wanted to try grabbing the part, the time was now. 

The doors were unlocked, half luck and half the times. No need to lock the doors when there was nobody around to rob you blind. It was easy to pop the hood. One more look around showed that the coast was still clear. 

So you pushed the hood open to investigate, humming to yourself. 

“You need a tune up,” you muttered to the truck with sympathy. “I can tell. Too bad I'm not sticking around to help.” 

You patted the headlight but continued to look. You needed to hurry up now. 

You spied what you needed and smiled. Close enough to work. 

“Hey!”

The shout made you jump and very nearly bang your head on the hood, and you jerked around to spot someone walking towards the truck quickly, long strides eating up the distance. 

You took off. No way you were sticking around to get in an argument with the owner. Or skip straight to getting killed. 

You didn't get very far before someone grabbed your arm, nearly wrenching it with the force of his yank. You yelped, the sudden pain startling, and swung around with his pull. 

The man was huge, not just tall but broad. Dark makeup smeared around his eyes made him even more imposing. 

“Let go!” You kicked out at him, clumsy but determined. 

He moved out of the way easily, not even shifting his grip. One more tug sent you off-balance, and he twisted your arm behind you and up, your breath hitching in your throat. 

“Stop struggling.” The rough words made you pause, swallowing hard against the noise of pain that wanted to escape. 

The one approaching the two of you seemed in less of a hurry now that you were subdued, adjusting his hat as he eyed the two of you. Mainly you, probably. You narrowed your eyes at him, tempted to bare your teeth. 

“What were you doing, eh?” He stopped, one hand planted on his hip, the other holding his gun. 

Well. You'd survived two years of fucking zombies and zealots and shit, only to get killed because of a car. Seemed fitting. 

“Looking for a snack,” you drawled, wincing when the man behind you tugged your arm a little higher. 

The hatted one eyed you, shrewd and cold, calculating. A sudden, terrible thought made you swallow hard. 

“Promise I'm not a good snack, though,” you said, going up onto your toes to try to alleviate some of the ache in your arm and shoulder. “Definitely not edible.” 

The man in front of you blinked, apparently caught off guard. 

“You sayin’ you've run into cannibals?” The man behind you asked, incredulous. His grip didn't waver. 

“Well, I ran away from them,” you pointed out, very reasonably. “Does that mean you're not interested in eating me?”

“Not even close.” The one in front of you snorted, stepping closer so he could look down at you. “Why were you poking around in the car?” 

“Looking for kittens,” you snarked, even as pain tightened your voice. “They like warm spots, you know.” 

You yelped as your arm wrenched higher, shoulder straining against the pressure. Tears sprang to your eyes, unbidden and unwanted. 

“Got any friends hiding out?” The hatted one didn't change his tone, still watching you. 

Sure, you could keep mouthing off. But your shoulder ached now, and you were worried they'd dislocate it and then leave you. That would be a death sentence, just a slow one. 

“No,” you grumbled, head dropping. “It's just me. Just been me for a while.” 

To your surprise, the man behind you dropped your arm and stepped back. You stumbled from the sudden release, quickly pulling your arm in to your chest. The throbbing hadn't stopped yet, but at least it didn't hurt so badly. 

“What did you do to the car?” Though there was no visible change to the two men, you didn't doubt they'd grab you again if needed. Being released was a reward for honesty, leaving you with a choice to make. 

“Nothing.” Sulking just a little, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I was looking for a part, but I didn't get a chance to grab it. The car is fine.”

“Hm.” He tipped his head, studying you more closely now. “You a mechanic?”

“I was,” you said, a little wry. “Not much to work on anymore, with most of my customers dead or worse.” 

The big guy made a soft noise of amusement. You eyed him for a moment before returning your focus to the hatted man. 

He nodded once, slowly, gaze still focused on you. “Looking for somewhere to settle, then?”

You shrugged, feeling a little squirrelly now. “Haven't decided.” 

“Tell you what.” He shifted his weight forward, arms crossing over his chest. “We've got a safe place. A town.” 

“Do you?” You didn't bother to keep the skepticism from your voice, even as you rocked back on your heels. “Heard that one before.” 

“If you're really a mechanic, you're welcome in town.” He continued as if you hadn't spoken. “Your choice. Think about it. If you want to come with, meet us there.” He nodded at the decrepit gas station not far from where you all stood. “Tomorrow morning, an hour after sunrise.” 

You eyed him suspiciously. It could be a trick still, a way to get you to lower your guard. It could also be legit. Maybe. Possibly. The chance was very low… but not zero. 

Neither of them moved when you took a careful step back, then another. 

“Tomorrow morning,” the one reminded you, gaze fixed on you still, far too intense for your liking. 

“I'll think about it.” You hadn't really meant to say that, but, well… oh well. You backed away to a safe distance before you turned and walked away. 

You listened for footsteps behind you, and took the long route back to where you'd stashed your things for the day. You even paused multiple times to check behind you and around you. 

And not just to check for zombies, either. 

You didn't trust them, not even a little. The ache in your shoulder hadn't gone away yet, either. 

But… if they were telling the truth… Safety was the rarest commodity nowadays. 

You hadn't been kidding when you'd mentioned running away from cannibals. 

You settled back in a corner, pack held between your knees as you rummaged around for something to eat. You couldn't lie, the idea of somewhere safe to stay, at least for a while, was tempting. 

If you went, it sounded like you'd be stuck in the car with the big guy who'd grabbed you. Eh. You'd just not sit next to him, and undoubtedly once you were in town, it would be easy to avoid him. You didn't have to like him, just tolerate him enough to get in. 

And then avoid him like… Well, like a zombie.

You snickered at your own humor. 

Mind more or less made up, you settled in to have your dinner and rest for the night. You'd already blockaded yourself in pretty well. No zombies were getting in while you slept. 

And tomorrow you'd see if they really had a safe town.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

The Intruder

Jennifer Jareau x fem!reader Warnings: REALLY BIG trigger warnings for CM-style violence, including an attempted rape, general fear and alarm and danger, explicit language, gun violence, injury, happy ending (don't worry, I would never do that to you bbs), let me know if I've missed anything! Word count: 1.7k

Summary: When an at-large unsub with a grudge breaks into your and JJ's home, everything–and everyone–you hold dear is suddenly at risk.

You woke to the sound of breaking glass, soft and muffled but unmissable. You sat up quickly, as still and as quiet as possible. Maybe you’d imagined it? But then you heard the back door creak open and shut and fear shot through you like ice.

You grabbed JJ’s arm, shaking her shoulder, trying desperately to keep yourself calm.

“What, babe?” JJ mumbled, still half-asleep.

“Jayje, there’s someone in the house,” you whispered, voice shaky and high.

She shot up, listening closely, unconsciously moving her body to shield yours. There was no mistaking the creak of the hardwoods. JJ launched herself out of bed, quiet, brows furrowed, and you knew then that this JJ was not JJ your girlfriend. This was FBI agent JJ. This was taking-down-serial-killers JJ. Counter-terrorism-in-the-Middle-East JJ. JJ who had killed and would kill again without hesitation if she had to in order to protect her people. And you were scared. Not of her, but of whatever had come into your home and brought this JJ to the forefront. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes.

Keeping her eyes on the door to your bedroom, JJ reached into the nightstand to pull out two handguns and her phone. She checked the clips, then turned off the safety and carefully pressed one of the guns and her phone into your hands. Your breathing was frantic, and you were trying very hard not to cry.

She looked at you then, right in the eyes, and it was the only time in what felt like hours since you’d woken up that she’d made eye contact with you.

“JJ, I can’t,” you gasped, voice quiet.

“Yes, you can,” she replied firmly, molding your hands around the gun. “Call 9-1-1. And if you need to, point and shoot. Just like we practiced.” She directed her gaze back to the doorway, eyes adjusting to the dark, holding her own gun comfortably at her side, practiced instincts kicking in. “I’m gonna check it out.”

“JJ, no!” you begged, grabbing her arm, eyes wide. “Please.”

She pulled away, a little more harsh than she meant to be, but this wasn’t a time for sentiment. Someone was in her home. Someone who could hurt you. And she wasn’t going to let anyone hurt you.

“Point and shoot, baby” she repeated, raising her gun and walking out of the room.

You shook, hating the feeling of the cold metal against your fingers. You’d practiced with JJ, you’d been to the shooting range. She made sure you knew how to handle firearms. But you didn’t think you’d actually have to handle them. You clicked JJ’s phone on, but for the life of you, you couldn’t remember her password. You silently cursed your panicked brain. You knew her password, you’d known it for years. What a time to forget. And yours was where it always was at night–plugged in on the kitchen counter.

You craned your neck, listening for something, anything. But all was quiet. You didn’t know what would be worse–the sounds of an altercation or this absolute silence.

But then you heard a crash, and you knew. Sound was much worse. Your stomach was in your throat as you listened for more, but the house had fallen quiet again. You started to hyperventilate. There were only two possibilities. First, that JJ had apprehended the intruder. But surely she would have called out to let you know it was safe? Second, that the intruder had apprehended JJ. And that stirred a fear so deep, so consuming it could swallow you whole. You felt sick to your stomach.

You waited and waited, breathing somehow both too much and too little, gripping the gun tightly. You watched the doorway, begging the universe for JJ to come around the corner. You saw movement and, for a brief moment, you were flooded with relief. But it was replaced by the most sickening, gut-churning terror you’d ever felt in your life when your brain registered that the person in the doorway was not your girlfriend.

It was a man. Tall. Broad. In a black ski mask. You thought you might vomit. From sheer panic. From the thought, shooting through your body like a bolt of lightning, that if JJ wasn’t here that meant she wasn’t okay.

Your chest heaved as the man approached you, so fast you could barely register him. You wanted to scream, you knew you should scream, but it was like your voice was stuck in your throat. You were frozen in place. You tried to raise the gun, but the intruder was too fast, wrenching it from your grasp with large hands. He tossed the gun to the side as if it were nothing, then shoved you into the headboard with such force you saw stars. You writhed and fought, but he was so much bigger than you, so much stronger. With one of his hands, he pinned your arms about your head and, with the other, circled your throat in an iron grip. You coughed, eyes watering. Somehow you still couldn’t scream, still couldn’t find your voice. But you had to fight somehow.

You raked your fingernails along the man’s wrist, pressing as hard as you could, hard enough to break through the skin. He growled and yanked your wrist back, snapping the bone. You screamed, and he pressed a gloved hand over your mouth, yanking off his mask. Tears leaked down your face as you took him in. Nothing special. A man, just like any other man.

He smiled at you, and you thought you might be sick.

“You don’t know who I am, do you?”

Even if you could’ve answered, you wouldn’t. You had no idea who he was.

He sneered, moving his face so close to yours that you could smell his breath: stale cigarettes and something older, fouler, like a rotten tooth.

“Pretty girlfriend didn’t mention me, did she? Didn’t want to scare you?”

Another wave of tears streamed down your face at the thought of JJ. What had he done to her? Was she okay? Was she even alive?

“Oh, don’t worry,” he said, and you flinched as he caressed the side of your face, his gloves rough on your skin. “I’m sure she’ll come around just in time to see what I’ve done with you.”

A panic unlike any you’d ever felt before flooded your body as he removed a glove and yanked down your pants before starting to unbutton his own.

“No, no, no!” you screamed, kicking, fighting, doing everything you possibly could to get away, but he was just so much bigger than you. The weight of him on top of you, his hand bending your broken wrist back so that you writhed in pain, his knees pressing into your lungs so that you could barely breathe.

The way he looked at you–like you were something to be devoured, to be destroyed and torn apart for his own enjoyment–you would never forget it. You pinched your eyes shut as he ran his tongue over your face. He grinned again, a nasty, leering grin, and sat up a bit to survey you.

But then–a bang and a red flood pouring from the center of his forehead. You squirmed away, shaking and gasping, yanking your pants up. Seeing someone else in the room, you grabbed the gun and pointed, whimpering.

“Y/N, it’s me!” JJ yelled, raising her hands. “It’s me, baby, don’t shoot!”

You were so relieved to see her you thought you might black out. Panicked sobs coursed their way through your body, and your vision swam with tears. JJ eased the gun out of your hand and placed her hands on the side of your head, frantically looking you over.

“Are you okay?! Are you hurt!?” she said, eyes wide and frantic as she wiped the blood from your face. You used your good hand to examine JJ’s head, her hair that was caked with blood.

“You’re bleeding,” you choked out, wondering how it was possible to be both so relieved and so scared at the same time.

“I’m fine,” she said, her voice breaking. “Head wounds just bleed a lot.”

She sniffled, eyes wide with fear as she grasped your face. “Did he…?” She couldn’t bring herself to say it, the words stuck in her throat. She almost couldn’t bear to hear the answer.

You shook your head, and JJ let out a sob of relief, kissing the side of your head and pulling you into her.

“Okay,” she breathed, rubbing your back, hands all over you, as if to assure herself you were really there, really alright. “You’re okay. You’re safe, baby.”

She was assuring herself more than you. You let yourself rest on JJ’s shoulder, shaking, holding your swollen wrist to your chest. JJ ran her fingers through your hair, holding you so tight you thought she might never let you go. And you didn’t want her to. You never felt safer than when you were in JJ’s arms, now more than ever. She kept pressing her lips to the side of your head, breathing you in, feeling the solidity of you.

The blue-red lights of police and paramedics flashed outside your window, and you tilted your head up to look at JJ, her face illuminated.

“You’re okay, baby,” she said again and again, her voice shaky, tears still threatening at the corners of your eyes. “You’re safe.” Like a mantra, like something that could ward the evil away from your home, away from your bedroom where it had intruded on something pure and beautiful.

“JJ,” you whispered, cupping her face with your good hand. She stopped speaking for a moment to look at you–so much love, so much fear and relief in her eyes. “I’m okay,” you reassured her. “I’m safe.”

“You’re safe,” she repeated, as if she couldn’t quite believe it, like she needed you to prove it, confirm it.

“I’m safe,” you said again, your eyes shining. “You kept me safe.”

“You’re safe.” JJ let out a shaky breath, pulling you into her chest, and if you could stay there forever, you would.

[msp9]

THIS IS MY LIKES AND DISLIKES OF CHAOS THEORY ⚠️Spoilers below cut⚠️

When i first finished this season, I too like some people, was skeptical about it. I get why some people say its bad, I just thought it was very different from cc. At points the characters didin't feel like themsleves, the way some of them were written and the designs gave me a real hard time to get used to them. Also i felt as if it was just too much to process at times so i rewatched it and my final answer is that its a good show the pacing is incredeble, the plot, the suspence and character development. i just had a hard time getting used to everything new? Ig. I'm still doubting whether its a 10 but sure thing is that it was a very good first season its a easy 9/10. So here are the thinks i liked abt it:

-THE WAY THEY POTRAYED EVERYONES TRAUMA/STRUGGLES , Sammy having anxiety, Yaz overcoming her ptsd, and KENJI. MY BOY. That must have been the best breakdown i've seen in animated series. Whoever wrote that scene. Wow. It was the best thing in the whole show honestly. His vision gtting blurry, having truble breathing. The panick. Wow. I CANNOT SAY THIS LOUD ENOUGH.

-Ben and Sammy duo? Hello? Im srry to say but you might just be better than Yaz and Ben duo. Idk i really loved them.

- "Benjamin."

- Showing Yaz is doing better. Despite her ongoing struggles, she has clearly grown and matured the last 6 years, and the way she calmed Sammy in the sinking van? Ig all those therapy sessions and college paid off. That scene is a clear illustration of the progress she has made. I mean sammy did say "i can tell shes still struggling" but there wasnt really a clear scene of her getting stuck in place as she used to. So my guess is that it was just Sammys anxiety and the fact that they didint talk much. Bc then Sammy was surprised how she kept herselve together. So yeah

-YASAMMY. NOTHING MORE TO ADD.

-UM SAMMYS CHARACTER?? HELLO? GLOW UP, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, i loved her sm. She moved up to my top 3.

And her anxiety? It was so well shown too

-the fight between Sammy and Yaz felt so natural and not at all forced. They both had valid points and in the end they did understand each other and were on the same page.

-Ben being Ben in almost every episode

- Yasmina's "boo."

-Brooklynns design?? Majestic to say the least.

- ingore what i said ealrier abt the acting out of character. They do remind themsleves they just grew

Well, all except Ben...

-Kenjis new voice actor, he did a real good job, as much as it doesn't sound like him, he really captured some emotional scenes very well.

- The robot lady. THEY REALLY SAID TAKE A WOMAN AND MAKE HER CREEPY ASF. I was genunanly creeped out. And the detail that at the ranch if u listen closesly u can hear the whistle. Hell nah that was scary.

-Benrius Ben and Darius friendship, okay actually u can't tell me u didint feel it too, the tention between ben and Darius cmon we all know what u are Ben stop making up girlfriends in Europe

-Brooklynn turning bad, or from what we are told worked for bad people ig. Personally as much as it shocked me, im sure theres a good reason as to why and i cant wait to hear more abt in season 2.

-I can now undertand what everyone meant in reviews saying "its more mature" not only in the more death and dinos but it woyud be kind of confusing for a younger audience to undertsand some stuff in this show.

-I really liked Daniels kon death, maybe it wasn't necesarry but im all in for that dark death scene.

-Lastly the comment Sammy makes when Ben asks how bumpy got pregnant, and the yazs smirk. Gurl i was suprised they added that but i loved it

Now, the things that i didint like and why:

- First of all, Darius being in love with brooklynn. I mean i get it but i also dont get it. In my opinion, there shouldn't have been a different reason as to why Darius was the most effected by her death. They were close and she died. Its okay to be really effected by someones death and not bc u liked them, and i also do believe that the reason for him not showing up the night she "died" should have been smth more serious. Then again i get it bc now he felt a lot more guilt bc it was for a not so important reason he didint show up and thats why he didint tell anyone. Well axtually it isnt that bad, but i just felt it was forced for the plot. This again could be bc i started to like kenlynn and now they turned the tables completly but sure.

-Brooklynns voice actor. I just couldn't connect her to brooklynn? She sounded a lot different, not a major bad thing it was just hard to get used to.

-Ben having a gf, or supposedly having one, u telling me this man has a gf:

I thought it funny but yk that man is a homosexual

- and lastly, Brooklynn being alive. This might sound bad but it made sense for her to die. And i was kinda lamed out that she wasnt dead. (Pls ironically enough, just weeks ago i begged for her to be alive.) But like the way everyone suffered bc of her death, going throught the 5 stages of grief, and the way the show was played. It just would have been better if she died, all those flashbacks, the emotional moments, i mean its not gonna be the same when i rewatch it bc i know shes alive. Anyways enough abt this.

Actually i have nothing more to add to my "bad stuff" list but i might come up with smth later. Bc i will be rewatchibg it obviously. Ig lastly i just wanted more episodes how dare they cutting the season of right there.

[saintetheldreda]

one of the most fascinating things to me about supernatural is how the mistake that the show is remembered for and hammered for the most is how it handled destiel. which sounds like just one element of the show. i mean, the main plotline isnt about that, the show isnt about that. but no fan will tell you youre disproportionately upset when youre inconsolable about november 5th. and its because in a way it wasnt just an element of the show it was kind of the whole show. so many of the most famous moments of the show are the comedic ones, and the moments of self-parody, and the episodes that dont take themselves very seriously, that conjure new rules out of thin air so that they can make something totally awesome happen. and its like, actually, maybe this show was an average horror show and a camp masterpiece

i mean im being a bit hyperbolic in my phrasing there but im trying to make a point. take dean for instance. so few fans admire how strong and brave dean is in comparison to how many of us are in love with him for being an utterly failed attempt at masculinity, for trying so hard to be cool and always coming off awkward, i mean the show itself saw the most value in rock as something that is self-aware about how stupid it is - sam and dean singing badly to wanted dead or alive, dean blasting rock of ages to go into battle with two people who just think its so lame - and these are moments of unseriousness that are also SO serious, they are desperately needed sources of strength in these moments

and you start to feel like the masculinity that is supposedly bound to heterosexuality is just another idea that is so much stronger, more helpful, more useful and more meaningful when it is self-aware about the fact it is performance. dean can be masculine but there should be no rules about how he does that. it does not have to be defined by a boundary, with an other - men are allowed to do this, women are allowed to do that - it can contain its paradoxes within itself. without a boundary

and i guess in conclusion my point tl;dr is that the show was always being most true to itself when it loosened up and let itself be a space for experimentation and weirdness and performativity. and every time it pushed away the liberated, camp elements it was a little like dean not confessing back to cas. it affected the very direction of the show and steered it a little further away from the heart of where it should have been pointed to

[englishstrawbie]

Station 19 7x09

Now that was one hell of an episode! Forgive me, this might get long.

Carina DeLuca, I was a little mad that you tried to ruin another sexy moment with baby talk but then you did that little lick before you kissed Maya's abs, so all is forgiven. 🔥 Also Carina describing Maya as her "hot, hot, hot wife" when the episode gave us that ending felt intentional and mean.

The mutual "I love you", the nose rub, the kiss... I love these sweet moments between them. And then there was the "I'll see you at home", which said just as much, like they were willing it to be true because they both know that the wildfires are going to be a hard fight. Especially after Carina had just been treating a patient whose husband was lost in the woods.

"What if this is it? What if I never see him again?" ... we all know where Carina's mind went at that moment.

"I'm sure he's doing whatever he can to find his way back to you" ... oh, I hope she hangs on to these words when she finds out about Maya. (Assuming she does...? It seems to me like they need to get Maya out of that fire pretty damn quick, before Carina even has chance to find out.)

"Monogamy is for the weak" ... "Or the very very dedicated, that's what I said - and that's who I am now" ... THANK YOU for remembering the whole line. It drives me crazy when people only quote the first part, when the second part of it says a whole lot more about who Maya was then and who she is now. That said, I have mixed feelings about the idea of her offering to get pregnant if Carina can't - because the whole point of pushing the IVF at the same time as adopting Liam is because it's Carina's dream to carry a child and experience childbirth. Still, it says a lot about how much she's changed that she's even willing to think about doing it.

THE ENDING. I expect it's been said enough already but HOLY SH*T. What a way to end the episode, to set up Carina for joy and heartbreak at the same time. Stefania's acting was on point in that moment, the little "no" of disbelief when Helm told her she was pregnant and her "why, do you think it's Maya's?" joke. Contrasted against Maya's absolute panic as the flames surrounded her (even if the special effects of the fire were a little distracting). I don't actually believe it will end in heartbreak, I very much believe that Maya and Carina will get their happy ever after with lots of babies. If anything, I suspect we may see Maya question her job with the fire service again as it feels like it's been leading to that - and I'm still not keen on that idea, but (as someone else pointed out to me) if that's her decision, at least she makes it on her own terms.

Although, at this rate, Andy is going to be left with a team at 19 made up of her ex-husband and Beckett. 👀

I loved all the Maya and Andy scenes we got, I'm glad their friendship has been more prominent this season. I love hearing them both say how proud they are of each other.

Maya Kathleen? Didn't they mean Maya Katherine, after her mom?

All the throwbacks to previous episodes and scenes were great and I hope that continues into the next episode. Dibs on the puppy. Hughie. The five OGs on top of the fire truck was such a wonderful scene, watching them all get into the same position as the last time we saw them there. It made me sad that Dean and Jack weren't there.

"We're 19 - family forever" ... ❤️❤️

I hope Theo getting hurt doesn't interfere with Vic's plans to move to DC with Crisis One. It's where she belongs. I love the idea of Travis going with her, although he has good chemistry with the new guy whose name I don't remember.

This was an A+ episode for me and I really really hope next week's finale lives up to the same hype.

[redbatchedcumbermayned]

It all started under a duvet held up by an oar

Not so long ago I emailed Chris Tester, the voice of Heinrix van Calox in Owlcat’s recently released CRPG Rogue Trader, and asked if he would like to sit for an interview with me. Having some experience in interviewing people I like, most famously Oscar winner and all-around sweetheart Eddie Redmayne, this was not a completely nerve-wracking endeavour. And within a day of sending my email, Chris said yes. And what a pleasure it was interviewing him: Chris was so generous with his time, that the agreed upon 30 minutes turned into 50 minutes as we brushed upon many topics from his start as a theatre actor to his first voice-over role in a video game to his recently discovered hobby of playing D&D. Of course, we also spoke about all things Warhammer 40k, his new found fame brought on by voicing Heinrix and the insights he could share about the character.

I will publish this interview in three parts over the next week in text form and with the accompanying audio file (the audio quality is not spectacular but tumblr limits uploads to 10MB). If you quote or reshare, please quote me as the original source.

Fran: Thank you very much for taking your time.

Chris Tester: That's no problem. No problem at all.

F: So then let's start. You graduated in 2008.

CT: I did. Yes.

F: You started out as a stage actor. Did you always want to become a stage actor or an actor in general? Tell us a bit about your career.

CT: I always wanted to be a stage actor. Yes, as soon as I knew that I wanted to be an actor, which probably wasn't until I was a teenager. But yeah, my first passion was always the stage, and that was kind of borne out in my career. I would have been open to TV and film of course, if it had come along, I'm a huge fan of TV and film as well, but I never got an audition for any TV or film work.

I think I literally did about three short films in my 10, 12 years of actually professionally acting, and it is one of those industries where the more you do of one thing, the more you seem to find yourself doing the same thing to a degree. So yes, watching Shakespeare from an early age was one of my first passions.

And that was what first planted the seed of wanting to do it myself. The whole aspect of live performance is still something that I'm very passionate about. Up until 2020, when the world changed, I was trying to do two or three theatre shows a year, but since 2020, I haven't been near a stage and I doubt right now, especially with the way that the UK theatre scene is going, that I'm going to be back on stage anytime soon. I am resigned to that, but at some point in my career, I know I will be on stage again, because I can't live without it, but only for the right thing, both financially, but more importantly, creatively.

F: Your production company is currently on hiatus?

CT: I was the producer of a theatre company, which was run and was the baby of the director of the company, a guy called Ross Armstrong, who's one of the most talented writers and directors that I've ever worked with. I was helping out with a lot of the administration stuff so that he could still put me in plays. Instead of creating my own work because I'm not a very good writer or the best writer in the world, I support those people who will write me good parts. So yes, it is currently on hiatus, but never say never, we would always be looking to get back. It's difficult right now. It's difficult for all of us, because arts council subsidy, that way of being able to fund stuff, is drying up. We were doing a national tour of the UK when we were doing that [with the support of a subsidy]. There's even less money, there's even more people. I won't bore you with anything more than that, but it's kind of tough. We'd like to come back, but in the right way, and that's tricky to negotiate.

F: It's always hard as a stage actor to earn a living.

CT: Well, I've been spoiled by voice-over as well, and whereas when I was in my 20s and 30s then you're all about your art. And of course, I'm still all about my art, but I'm also about my wife and my cat and the mortgage and the bills and wanting to have nicer things to a degree as well. I've come to terms with that and voice-over does facilitate that as well as it opens you up to different roles and working with different people. So, I can't complain.

F: It's quite similar with making a living as a writer, because with a steady income you get used to a certain standard of living and once you have obligations and bills to pay, I think the stress on your mental health being creative and having all the stresses of regular life thrust upon you brings with it a challenge.

CT: It's a cliche we can very easily fall into: if I'm suffering, then it means I'm an artist. And that's not necessarily very true. It very often means that the art that we create only reflects one aspect of our lives, and it's usually a very tortured one. I am also about having wider experiences and broadening myself out. Whereas I think when I was in my twenties, I was thinking a bit more like: Oh, I'll experience the world and life through my art and just purely through my art. Whereas now necessarily I need to have a life outside of it as well, and then I can justify like I have the life so that I can feed my art or not, whatever. You know, I'll be a better artist by having a bit of a life outside of it. Maybe.

F: But that's what your twenties are for.

CT: Yeah, indeed.

F: Doing the crazy stuff, doing the band stuff 

CT: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, there was certainly an aspect of that in my twenties.

F: So, what brought you to voice acting or voice-over work initially?

CT: Money. Video game stuff is kind of sexy and cool, and I'm a gamer, so that's important. Before I was a video gamer, I was a board gamer and off the back of that, I was a voracious video gamer, partly because I wasn't very good at team sports at school. I was always the person who was picked last in the football team. So that becomes part of your identity for better or worse. But video games, I was pretty good at, not amazing, but I was pretty good at, and I enjoyed it. And it gave me a different form of escapism as well, and off the back of that I always had an interest in them. 

So, the very first voiceover job was a video game: Dark Souls, which is quite a big franchise. At that time, I was your very typically jobbing actor. My acting agent came in and said: I got something for you. And so, I went in with that. But it was only in 2016, 2017 that I realised it was something that you could actually do yourself. People had recording studios at home and they were contacting people directly, not just going through agents. Because I'd basically written to the same 20 voice agents in the UK, mainly in London for like eight years in a row and not received anything. So, you keep knocking on those doors hoping. 

Before I'd even graduated from drama school, I'd burnt a CD and made these cases with my headshot on it and sent them all off at what at the time felt like great personal expense and didn't get anything for eight years in a row.  So, I was a bit like, I'm obviously doing something wrong, but I don't really know what, because I'm doing these workshops and getting good feedback. Then I found out through a couple of online courses, that there were ways and means of doing it myself, and that was a bit of a game changer for me, and within six months of having started, I was earning more through voice work than the bar job and the box office job that I was doing combined. Within six months, I was kind of like: “I gotta quit because I'm actually holding myself back from things.” So that was quite a big shift.

F: Somewhere you said, you started out under a duvet and with an oar.

CT: Yeah. On my website, I do have an image of it. [Dear reader, I could not locate this elusive photo] I literally had to take the duvet off my bed and put it into the living room, which was the quietest space in my then shared flat. I also had to wait until after one flat mate had watched TV and another one had used the table that had their washing on it. One of my flat mates had stolen an oar from some night out and that was perfect in order to be able to erect it over my head and the duvet as a frame. 

I did probably the first four or five months of voice recording like that. Probably about 10, 15 voiceover jobs that I actually got paid for, I was using that because it worked well enough. Since then, I've gone through various different iterations of a setup in the bedroom, to a setup in the hallway, to my current setup. In 2020 we moved to our first house, and this is the spare bedroom which I've had converted into a studio, which means my cat can be here asleep on me or near me getting fur everywhere, but it's fine. I can thrash around and I've got natural light to work in at the same time, which I find quite important. [Pictured below Chris' current setup.]

F: Very pretty. That's good. Guide us through a typical day of yours, if you like.

CT: Oh, sure. I mean, there is no typical day. And yet, and yet, and yet. A typical day for me is, because I am spending the vast majority of the day sitting in this room or somewhere close to this room, because I may need to record at short notice, because the vast majority of jobs are quite short notice. My priority is exercise for mental health more than anything. I've got some weights at the bottom of the garden, and I will get up first thing, and I will go there and I will do that after breakfast. And that's my minimal routine of physical activity done. 

And then I'll come back, and this is so rock and roll. Now what I do is, I spend like an hour on LinkedIn. And that's what you dreamed of as a creative person. Isn't it as an actor? I spend time on LinkedIn regularly every day, because it's a really good networking place for a lot of my types of work, and first thing in the morning, I'm a bit mentally sharper. So that's when I come up with a quick post that may be inspired by a bit of content that I've made elsewhere. That probably takes about 20 minutes and then I spend another 45 minutes to an hour engaging with people and saying hi and introducing myself and asking questions, whether that's with video producers or game developers or documentary makers or pretty much anything and everything. There are a lot of people who are active at that time. And so I do it.

And then after that, if I already have some recording lined up, then I'll prioritise mid-morning, because I've warmed up physically a bit more then, and I'm focused. So, you're going through the scripts, annotating the scripts, recording the scripts, editing the scripts. But then there could be live sessions at any time within that as well. I try to keep hours from nine till six. But occasionally, like with Rogue Trader, that was recorded at various different times of the day because we had people in New York, we had people in mainland Europe, and we had people in the UK. So all different time zones, so that can happen at any time. 

And then I try to do other kinds of bits and pieces of marketing whenever I've got free time to. I do use really exciting productivity hacks, like time blocking. Again, not something that as a creative individual, I was like: Oh God, this gets me so excited, because it doesn't, but it works. It's finding a system that works for you, but still has a certain kind of flexibility and fluidity. I'm trying to make sure that I get outside of the house, and that kind of stuff. 

Recently, over the last year, I’ve started doing audiobooks as well. That long form type of thing is quite nice to be able to dip into because sometimes you don't record for two, three days. You don't get the work. Nothing’s coming in. So, you’re marketing, but it kind of connects you back to the performance side of things to go: I can do a few chapters and you know, that kind of thing. So that's probably it. I try to formalise it, but you know, every voice actor’s day is radically different. There are people, some of the biggest names, going into different studios every week or every day. I very rarely, despite being based in London, I very rarely go into external studios. Like I would say 99 percent of the work I just do from home.

F: So how do you find the right voice for the specific type of voiceover work you do, maybe start with how did you find Heinrix's voice?

CT: Thankfully, Owlcat sent through quite a detailed casting breakdown. So, you get a picture, and that's pretty crucial, as well as a short bio, in terms of the background of the character, but not too much, because you have to sign an NDA, a non-disclosure agreement. But even if you do sign an NDA, I think developers are always slightly hesitant of giving you too much info about the game because things could still be changed. But I think I did get a picture of Heinrix, if not in the first audition, then certainly on the second one. From that you immediately think about the physicality and what might affect the voice, and there was also some direction in terms of what they were looking for. Anybody who has heard the character and me, they do not sound radically dissimilar. There's not a transformative process that I needed to go through, other than his sense of authority and the space that he takes up and the sureness that he has in that he has a kind of divine right from the emperor, so that level of confidence being brought through.

The other part of the audition was about the void ship [the Black Ship] that he'd been raised in and the horrors that he'd seen. And you as the actor have to do the detective work to go like this is showing another side, the more vulnerable side, the side that underpins all of his life choices up to this point. It's essentially playing the opposite to a degree. So it was kind of knowing when to let those elements bleed through a little bit. I think I had probably about a page worth of scripts, quite a lot of script actually to audition with. 

But I don't like to listen back to it a lot, because I think you get into your head. My biggest thing is stage work where it's ephemeral. You say it once and it could be different the next night. The whole point is that there's no one definitive way of doing things. Not quite the same with voice acting, where it's being recorded and you've got to get used to hearing it back. But I try not to overthink it. Just like record it two or three times with different impulses and then review and go like, those two seem pretty contrasting. I'll send those along and hope and then never hear anything back unless I do.

[thealogie]

my new pet theory after reading American/British cinematographer blurbs about all the previously mentioned examples is that it actually isn't one specific thing, it's the general commitment to allow imperfection and give an image a soul instead of following all the purely technical cinematography "rules" to a t.

like sure, you want something to be sharp, well lit, you want to have contrast instead of flatness, you want to compose something along thirds so it looks balanced to the human eye, you don't want everything to be super grainy etc etc but the thing is we've gotten to a technical point where it's very easy to do all of these things and when you do all of them at the same time it just looks soulless and terrible.

So what you can do to avoid that is:

Shoot on film (challengers)

Use vintage/exotic lenses (challengers, civil war)

Allow actors faces to go into darkness, allow imperfectly exposed images, allow black, crank up the ISO of the camera and use tiny amounts of light only (better call Saul)

Color grade in a genius way (add noise, grain, do things with saturation and contrast that aren't the technical standard)

Play with framing and what we're used to seeing as a balanced image (Mr robot)

Play with movement in unexpected ways, for example zooming or moving very rigidly (Wes Anderson). When handheld first became more of a mainstream thing it was so new and exciting as well!

Play with formats, colors (black and white), weird view angles (fish eye) and more.

If you're interested in cinematography even a little bit watch poor things. It does many of these things at the same time, incredibly well and in a way that actually supports the story too.

There's a cinematographer who says once he's done setting up a shot, having framed and lit it and thinking it is perfect, he always turns off one light. Or he kicks the camera a bit so the framing changes in an unexpected way. He says otherwise the perfection will suffocate the image. I think that might be what we're seeing with good omens.

I think franchises are more likely to fall into this rut of delivering a technically perfect product. Especially when there's a lot of vfx and post production down the pipeline there are so many factors a dp can easily get scared to not deliver what is needed in the next step. When something aggressively has to be sold to & by a streaming service like Amazon there is often pressure to take no risks. Comedy as a genre also has less examples of a wide range of different good cinematography styles. When I think of the word comedy the term "high-key" (aka well lit) comes up as we were taught in film school, according to the sit com standard. And modern day fantasy/magical realism comedy? I think is hard to pull off in a way that actually resonates and creates something new (not to say it couldn't have been done better sgdjdjs. looking at Gavin Finney's filmography I don't see anything particularly significant so...)

That's my two (three... five) cents. Thanks for the research rabbit hole on this Sunday evening 🫡

I love that this inspired a whole very nuanced and well researched essay on a Sunday. Thank you!!!

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Recently found your writing, and I love it!

Will you please write for the boys having a bad day/panic attack, and their s/o loves to sing, so they sing them a lullaby/quiet song to soothe them? I especially want to see Horrortale Sans reaction, I adore how you write him. Thanks in advance, xoxo

Undertale Sans - He slowly calms down, but he's still tense. Even though it's way better than what it used to be, Sans still has bad nightmares sometimes. He simply focuses on your voice and nuzzles against you until he feels safe again to fall back asleep. He's thankful.

Undertale Papyrus - He immediately breaks down and apologizes. He doesn't even know why. It's rare when Papyrus shows vulnerability, but he can't avoid having bad days all the time. He's glad you're there and the singing is definitely helping him to calm down. He simply hugs you close and refuses to let go.

Underswap Sans - He rolls his eyes at you, but he's smiling so you know even if he's playing big and tough right now, it's actually working. Blue doesn't express his feelings that much, so he's kinda glad you noticed. He calms down quite quickly.

Underswap Papyrus - It definitely helps as Honey suffers from severe anxiety and can go into a panic attack at any time. He cuddles on your lap and calms down as you sing, focusing on your voice. He's very silent in those moments, as he's so tired when it happens. It's not rare he just breaks down hearing you sing either.

Underfell Sans - He usually pushes you away, the only exception being after loud noises that send him into a panic attack. After being stuck under a cave in for a whole week Underground, Red is terrified of loud noises and can even hurt himself trying to hide during a crisis. Your singing helps him to distract himself from the noise, and he's focusing on you to calm down, to the point you even manage to keep him calm during big storms, preventing panic attacks. Red is very thankful for this.

Underfell Papyrus - It doesn't look like it's affecting him, but it's just a facade. He is still tense, but he appreciates the gesture and it actually helps him to think more rationally about what's bothering him. Edge tends to think things are worse than they are actually, and sometimes, just a little help to distance himself is all he needs. Plus added to that, he's usually really sweet after these types of crises as he doesn't want his bitterness to affect you.

Horrortale Sans - He's a hard one. It depends on which state of your relationship you are in. In the beginning, even singing won't soothe him when he's having a crisis as he's completely dissociating and even dangerous. But as time passes, you can see he's making big efforts to focus on your voice. It's not always working as some panic attacks are stronger than others, but you manage to bring him back with the smallest ones. And as time passes and your bond grows stronger, he's listening more and more to you and it's a little easier to reach him every time, to the point you can sometimes hear him sing your songs all alone to calm himself down. It definitely makes a big difference.

Horrortale Papyrus - It definitely helps as well. At first, he's a bit awkward when you start singing, but as time passes, he melts more and more against you, trying to relax. He still has a hard time doing that, but he tries to focus his breathing on the beat of your songs or your heartbeat to calm down. It happens regularly it helps him to talk about what's wrong because Willow has a bad habit of burying all of his feelings until it breaks him.

Swapfell Sans - It's complicated for him to accept to show any kind of vulnerability, but he's getting better and better at it. He doesn't even know how you can tell he's having a bad day as he usually doesn't even complain since Nox feels like all the bad happening to him is justified because of what he did Underground. He's still learning to let go, and your singing helps him a lot to open up a little more about what he feels. Don't expect him to talk openly about his feelings, but little glimpses here and there, more and more often, show he's starting to heal and trust. He needs your singing to sleep as well, as he struggles with this a lot.

Swapfell Papyrus - Even if he appreciates the gesture, it's not enough to get him to relax. Rus is way too agitated when he's not feeling well and he doesn't feel like opening up to anyone. A bad habit he kept from the Underground. It's funny since he's a pretty open guy usually, but he just hates talking about these things, especially when it's touching a little too much from his old addictions. He can get defensive very quickly and prefers to be alone.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Another tough one. Wine will get offended if you sing to try to calm him. He doesn't want to be calm, and he doesn't want to talk to you, so piss off. When Wine is not feeling good, he doesn't want anyone close and will end up hurting his family if they insist too much. He doesn't need your help, your pity, or your singing. Leave him alone, he will deal with his feelings eventually.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - When he gets in a relationship, Coffee trusts his S/O 100%, and knowing when he needs help to calm down is really appreciated. Coffee struggles a lot to show when he's in distress, and an S/O who can tell when he needs help is more than he can ask. He's melting in your arms every time you start to sing and clings to you until he feels better. He's so glad you're here with him. How did he live before?

[laurelwen]

Obscure Media: Encore VFX Article

Brought to us courtesy of @widowswinter, who's been working hard to dredge up these gems from the past.

We've all seen this cover by now, but in case you didn't know, Encore was an Australian film trade magazine. It switched to an online format and then seems to have ceased publication around 2013. Some of their articles can be found at https://mumbrella.com.au/, but none going back to 2006. Widowswinter accessed this article via the National Library of Australia, which houses physical copies of the magazine and will make copies/scans of some of their collection.

Full Article and a plain text version below the break:

ENCORE I 22 I V24 ISSUE 2, FEBRUARY, 2006

Digital effects were integral to writer/director Gregory Read's Like Minds, the UK/Australian psychological thriller starring Toni Collette, Richard Roxburgh, Eddie Redmayne and Tom Sturridge.  

With production split evenly between Australia and England, where the story is set, the dual role of the DFX was to heighten the in camera drama, and to solve problems created by on-set limitations and impracticalities. This was especially true for the film's opening train sequence during which schoolboys hang outside the door of a train travelling at 80 km/h, playing 'chicken' with the rapidly advancing stanchions (posts that support the overhead electric wires).

"Even if we could shoot the whole scene on a live train travelling at speed, getting the angles in and out of the train with the presence of real stanchions isn't realistic, not to mention the danger of attempting such a live sequence," said Read, who consulted with DOP Nigel Bluck and VFX supervisor Dave Morley, of Sydney-based VFX house Fuel International, to determine the best way to shoot this scene. "The upshot was to have two shoots; the first being the boys on a live train minus stanchions, travelling at its top speed of 20km/h. We used a wind cannon and lighting rig to emulate speed. The boys were cabled into the train, which gave them the opportunity to hang out, feel the 'rush' and give me the performance I wanted . The rest of the scene was shot in a shed with two very big guys rocking the train."

Like Minds features Collette in the role of a forensic psychologist appointed by police to determine whether there's enough evidence to lay murder charges against 17-year old Alex (Redmayne), accused in the shotgun death of his schoolmate Nigel (Sturridge).

The train scenes were initially earmarked to be shot in Adelaide but the unavailability of a suitable 1970s-style electric train meant the production shifted to a train museum located in Cessnock, NSW. Fresh stumbling blocks at the new location included a train carriage without a front engine and the absence of on location electricity; factors which necessitated the deployment of a bright yellow ex-BHP locomotive to propel the 'electric' carriage backwards and forwards at a maximum travelling speed of just 20km/h.

Fuel's task included the creation of the CG stanchions, which Read wanted to "crash into frame very close to the carriage then vanish into shadow".

"The shot required the stanchion to race towards the boys, barely missing one of them. However, when the stanchion was put in it just didn't look right so David [Morley] gradually scaled up the stanchion to 300 percent as it raced towards us so that it worked, visually and dynamically. As an added effect, when this stanchion slams past it actually hits the camera on which David introduced shudder."

Morley's team rigged up a series of par cans (stage lights) attached to a programmable lighting desk that enabled them to set the speed of lights turning on and off in series to simulate the feel of the stanchions travelling past the carriage at the desired speed of 80 km/h.

"Each of the CG stanchions has its own light pointing down towards the train and we used the par cans to give us the motion of the light travelling past," Morley said. "We built CG stanchions to match the style of what they have over in England, and from reference gathered off the web and footage Greg shot in England, then tracked them in and composited them all together."

When working on shots looking down the length of the train, the ground plane was sped up 400 percent. This was done to disguise the fact that the train was actually only travelling at 20 km/h.

"That would get put back in and then we'd have the CG stanchions over the top of that," said Morley. 'There was normally only one extra carriage behind the one that we were working on, so we ended up having to extend extra carriages as well. Because we only had one train rigged with the lights we ended up shifting the camera up one carriage length then duplicating this carriage for the two missing carriages."

The variance in visible rainfall during the Cessnock shoot presented another problem to be solved.  

"We'd set up to get the master shot, which was a very large crane shot moving down onto the railway tracks from about 30 feet up," Read explained. "In this environment we had two large rain towers with rotating heads which produced heavy rainfall, however when we swung  around to shoot reverse shots there was very little backlight and the rainfall was barely visible. We knew we didn't have time to move lights - let alone the travelling train in the background where the lights would need to stand. It was a matter of placing CG rain into the background of those shots so they matched the master."

Like Minds is set in the middle of the English winter. Obviously, Cessnock's 45-degree temperatures created obstacles. Among the challenges were short night shoot hours, actors having to wear heavy fur-lined clothing and the need to frame out all 'summer' foliage - especially gum trees.

In addition, while the English shoot took place in wintertime, Read was keen to include a shot of the school location in summertime. Fuel was called upon to make shots filmed in winter appear as though it was summer. This was done with sky replacements, adding leaves to trees and replacing snow with grass. Among these was an interior shot of the exterior through a window.

Fuel worked on 89 shots in total including the opening title sequence, which sees a camera move along a darkened surface before rising to show raindrops falling on this surface, which is revealed to be a train track.

"Suddenly a train rushes over the track and we cut out to a wide shot and there's the boy hanging out of the train," said Read. "I thought we could use a motion control rig and then put in the CG later but then practicality and cost came into it and I faced with the reality that this shot was too much of an indulgence; we didn't have the budget and so I turned to David and said 'Help! This is the shot I want to do'.

Armed with Read's storyboards and a second unit, Morley directed the title sequence himself, opting to use a live train to give it authenticity.

"We had to carefully choreograph the timing of both the camera tracking back and the train barrelling down the track straight for us with quite a few dry runs separately with both train and crew until we were confident we had the positions the camera needed to be in relation to the train," explained Morley.  "We still had several safety people standing by to quickly rip crew out of the way of the impending train if they had not reached the agreed ‘point of no return'  position. In the end we got exactly what we wanted."

Once the shot had been captured, Fuel scanned the image at 4K, smoothed the camera move and retimed the sequence. In addition to the titles CG sparks were added to the undercarriage as the train passed by.