#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)

[number-one-shadisper-shipper]

Thanks @rascallyrose92 and @sparkles-rule-4eva!

Oh this is hard but I think it's gotta be Starline. (I would say Surge but she's SO close to a full redemption arc that I'm holding onto hope for her). IDW has given us so many amazing villains but Starline is my favorite (followed closely by Mimic).

Starline is really interesting to me partially because of the amount of depth given to him. His arc is so interesting. His goal the whole time is "prove myself to Eggman" and he remains in denial that Eggman will never give him the validation he's seeking. Even once he changes courses from "get Eggman to let me back as his assistant" to "take over the Eggman Empire myself", it's still all about getting Eggman's approval. And I know a lot of people see it as a ship, but I honestly see it in almost an abusive father-son relationship because I've seen that type of scenario played out with people who just want their father to notice them. And he doesn't see that no matter how much he claims he's superior to Eggman, he's falling into the same patterns of mistakes with his own pride.

Besides his relationship with Eggman, Starline is also one of the creepiest and most horrible villains we've seen in Sonic. His creation of Surge and Kit is probably the biggest reason I love him as a villain. He took what we have to assume were two normal kids, kidnapped and/or manipulated them to be part of his experiments, and then formed them into his own twisted versions of Sonic and Tails. (Which, based on what personality aspects he chose for them, show how BADLY he misinterpreted the Unbreakable Bond. But that's another post.) They're his own Metal Sonic and Tails Doll, except that they're real and living and breathing and SEVERELY psychologically messed up from what he's done to them. We're not even entirely sure the level of abuse he put them through.

Starline is just so intriguing. He starts out as almost just an Eggman copycat, but he keeps going above and beyond. He videos his evil monologues. He made weapons so he can match the superpowered characters in physical combat (which is also interesting because we almost never see Eggman fight hand-to-hand with any of the characters). He's a horrible parent. He's dramatic and flamboyant and probably British. He haunts the narrative. Every scene he's in makes me want to punch him in the face. I love him, because I DESPISE him.

Anyways rant over uh tags @lazorbeanz @warriorofchaos223 @mbrine @feliz-navidad @ayetiwholikesspaghetti and anyone else who wants to jump in!

felt like starting a tag game: favourite sonic villain and why you adore them

I’ll start: zeena, cause she’s an absolute badass

@brainworms-all-night-long @somemismatchedsocks @nariyahcore @nortedwayfinder @star-stages @whitecatindisguise @qwiopty

[greghatecrimes]

rating the house md cast based on how I think they'd treat me if I showed up at the ER with my rarely-diagnosed mast cell disease*

*=this was supposed to be funny and memey but then i took it too seriously and thought about what it would actually be like irl. based on their canon personalities + behaviors, not real world medical care. inspired by a similar post from @/ditzydiitsi.

(context: mast cell diseases are basically yr body having allergic reactions to things you're not actually allergic to. i end up in the er when i've done everything i can do (except stab myself with an epipen) + am still reacting.)

cuddy: she is so busy. I see her once for two minutes the entire few hours I'm there. she talks to me long enough to prescribe the steroids I need to suppress the reaction and tells the nurses to watch me and keep epinephrine on hand just in case i spontaneously explode into anaphylaxis (which, given mast cell diseases. fair.). she prescribes a different steroid from the one i asked for/that my doctor normally uses, though, and it gives me more side effects. 5/10.

house: only came down to the ER because cuddy told him what my diagnosis is. horrible bedside manner, but he hears my medical history and symptoms and 1) starts DDX-ing and asks if i've ruled out SM (systemic mastocytosis), and 2) immediately blasts me with max dose dexamethasone, pepcid, and benadryl to keep the reaction from going any further. then he orders a bone marrow biopsy (textbook "gold standard" for disproving mastocytosis) once I tell him SM hasn't been fully ruled out in my case. -5 points for the extra procedure & the soreness it would leave me with, but +3 back because he'd take me seriously when i tell him local anesthetic doesn't work on me (EDS things). he'd tell the team to knock me out with propofol when they do the biopsy, no versed sort of shit here. he'd probably want a blood sample so he can do genetic tests/look at my genetic mutations just for funsies, since i have multiple genetic conditions (both with kinda vague/unclear causes), and tbh i'd let him. i leave with steroids, proper pain management post biopsy, and answers. 7.5/10

wilson: only gets given my case because mast cell diseases fall vaguely under hematology (and oncologists usually end up specializing in both hematology & oncology). is incredibly kind to me but is also very busy, and most of my contact is with the nurses. probably also wants a bone marrow biopsy to rule out SM, but gives me a card to call the hospital and schedule one at my convenience. forgets to prescribe me steroids when he discharges me, but remembers an hour too late and then calls them into my pharmacy for me anyways. 7/10

cameron: she's an immunologist. the second i give her my diagnosis, she knows what's going on. she asks me what's worked to control the reactions in the past and gets me exactly that. treats "conservatively" after she ensures i'm not going into active anaphylactic shock (i.e., starts with a slightly smaller dose of steroids instead of hitting me with max dose all at once) and then gives me a second dose when the first one doesn't quite kick it. checks on me every 25 minutes or so and brings me a blanket when she finds me nearly out cold on the bed from the iv benadryl. she squeezes my shoulder when i thank her for it. then she asks if i've ruled out other mast cell diseases and offers me a referral for more testing if i want it. she does take a bit of extra blood to run some diagnostic labwork of her own just in case. finally, she makes sure i'm no longer actively reacting before discharging me, sends me home with a prescription for steroids (and the referral), and tells me to come back right away if the reaction comes back or if a new one starts. 10/10.

foreman: takes longer to get to me than i'd like. when i finally get to talk to him and explain the current problem, my history, and my diagnoses, he raises his eyebrows in surprise and asks "are you sure? i've only seen a single case of [your disorder here] in all the time i've been practicing medicine." I pull the paperwork with my genetic test results out of my bag for proof, and after he sees the confirmation he apologizes and takes me seriously. it takes a few hours before i see him again, but when i do, he discharges me with a prescription for tapering steroids for the next few days without me needing to ask. 6.5/10.

chase: is genuinely shocked by my diagnosis but takes me seriously once i show him the papers. probably ends up giving me a different steroid from what i asked for/what my doctor uses, though, like cuddy did. i see him more than foreman and cuddy, but less than cameron. sends me home with multiple-day-steroids but they're the wrong kind that aren't tapering and that give me more side effects. overall average. 5.5/10. +1 point for comphet if he's got the long hair.

thirteen: as soon as she hears i have chronic genetic conditions & sees my age on the chart, she's all in. she sympathizes and empathizes with me, but won't tell me why. starts with small doses of steroids + benadryl + pepcid and stays in my room with an epipen to monitor me herself. asks if i have an internist managing my case (i do, but lord knows she'd offer to be mine herself if i'd said no, since internal medicine is her specialty) and makes sure i'm getting proper care outside the hospital. when the reaction doesn't stop after the first round of meds, she gives me the second round and then stays and chats with me to distract me from my anxiety. we end up talking about my wife and i (GAY), she listens to me vent about my backstory, and i show her pictures of my cats. she keeps me longer than anyone else would have, save for cameron, out of an abundance of caution, and stays past the end of her shift to do so. when she discharges me, she sends me home with the tapering steroid prescription i need and with her name and work phone number. she'd tell me to call her if i ever needed a second opinion or a new internist to manage my case. 10/10.

kutner: when he hears my diagnosis, his first reaction is "cool." immediately asks me what's worked in the past, gets my preferred meds on board, and then stays for a few minutes to ask me about my medical history because he thinks it's super fascinating. says yes when i ask him if he wants to see a trick after i mention being hypermobile (i stand up from the bed and both my hips crack loudly + at the same time. then i touch both palms flat to the floor with zero struggle), and he only winces a little at my hips cracking. we chat a little while he monitors to make sure i'm not gonna die of anaphylaxis and we end up talking about fun nerdy stuff, like video games. i show him my cat pictures and he shows me cool animal pics he has saved too. mostly turtles, geckos, etc. 7.5/10.

taub: passes my case to kutner before he even sees me. his shift is almost over and he has a date with a hot nurse from gen surg he's not going to miss. 2/10. he gets two points for giving my case to kutner specifically.

[theweirdwideweb]

Any advice on how to politely tell a friend that they're not helping and are actually doing the opposite?

My friend has been sending me job postings every day for like a week now, despite me not ever asking him to do so. This wouldn't be a big deal, except all of the listings he has sent me have had requirements that I am wildly unqualified for. Such as requiring degrees that I absolutely do not have, or requiring 30+ years of experience, when I myself am not even 30.

Now I'm not the type that thinks I have to be in love with my job to work (though it would be nice) but I think that should have at least 1% interest in whatever the job entails. Or at least not hate it. For example, I don't smoke weed. I have tried it before and I absolutely hated it. I also have met enough of the stoner types who make the fact that they smoke weed their entire personality to strongly dislike the whole culture. And I don't like being around people who are high in general. This friend knows this, since I smoked with him and then told him why I didn't like it.

So based on all of that, why the hell would he recommend that I apply to work at a dispensary?

I've told him thanks, but no thanks, I don't need him to be sending me these posts, but he continues to do so and not one of them have been anything that I am qualified for.

I mean it sounds like he's fucking with you. I suggest you escalate your boundary about sending you this shit. It's uncomfortable, but put your foot down. "I've asked you in the past not to send me these things, but you keep sending them, and I'm telling you to stop. I'm serious." Something like that. And if he keeps sending them after that, I think you need to not be friends with that person anymore. Boundaries need to be respected and this is just plain old weird. You sound really young and sometimes young people do weird shit, but establish yourself as someone who has boundaries and enforces them now. Don't tolerate this.

[freakinator]

He tore across the hill

faster than any creature in the world.

All the world will be your enemy,

Prince with a Thousand Enemies.

And whenever they catch you,

they will kill you.

But first, they must catch you...

digger, listener, runner.

Prince with the swift warning.

Be cunning and full of tricks...

and your people

will never be destroyed.

[umblrspectrum]

Can we get more of the murder drone x rain world au?

ok

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

coney island x mbobhft

WHAT A COMPLETE SHOCK I WONDER WHAT INSTIGATED THIS /ijbol

Sorry for putting you on blast friend but also this is a very unique experience we share 😂

Ah, London N6, a night that will live in infamy for many reasons, not the least of which being IT WAS RARE WE WERE THERE WE REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELL.

As many of you will know (and @claudiajcregg literally witnessed next to me as I mouthed WHAT THE FUCK), this is the mashup that broke my brain because it made my third eye open in the rafters of fuckass Wembley Stadium.

Warning: this is going to be a very long one because I am far too personally invested in it 😂

(It's so interesting seeing it from this angle head-on given that we were behind the stage 😂 I don't think I've ever seen it properly lol.)

First of all, My Boy was one of those songs that I loved as a bop when TTPD came out, but then when the voice memo version was released last summer (iirc a few weeks before this?) it made the song click even more pointedly because it made it infinitely sadder (and clearer and maybe confirmed my own inklings but anyway). Looking over my blog archives the day it was released is a trip because it can just be summed up as: IT'S SO FUCKING SAD! The idea that someone who you considered your closest confidant also being the one to help break you into a million more pieces? Devastating! "It sounds sad because I'm sad in general," ugh. But I digress.

Then you have Coney Island, which is where I confess that despite evermore being my favourite album, the song was one I didn't particularly gravitate towards. It's beautiful! It's evocative! It just wasn't one that like, permeated my consciousness all that much. It was one of those "wow she's sure telling a sad story with pretty words" type of things. Until, of course, she combined it with My Boy to maximize their joint slay that wrecked my brain and made me reconsider BOTH of them.

OK ENOUGH BACKSTORY LET'S GET TO THE PLOT 😂

Should've known it was only a matter of time, my boy only breaks his favourite toys... Break my soul in two, looking for you but you're right here, and if I can't relate to you anymore, then who am I related to? I loooooooove that transition! Again, one of the fun parts of the mashups that has become more evident as I've been on this exercise is that sometimes you can see the "hook" lyrically of what makes her craft the mashup. Here, it's the break toys/break my soul parallel.

And I *think* this might have been the point at which my brain went WAIT WHAAAAAAAAAAT in real time lmao. Again, I don't know why Coney Island never quite rooted itself in my brain, although thinking back on it, I do wonder if the fact that it's a duet played a role in that; as someone who tends to gravitate towards melody/sound before lyrics, maybe the fact that it's split between Matt Berninger and Taylor just made the story "split" in my brain? I don't know, but Taylor playing it on her own on the piano somehow made it click haha.

So back to the story of the mashup: You have the start of the story about the a cycle of depression (voices in his head), resentment (only breaks his favourite toys) and lashing out (I'm queen of sandcastles he destroys). And the cycle is on both parts tbh (sickest army doll/rivulets descend my plastic smile). It's a contrast to the early days of the relationship, where she felt like they were something special (but you should have seen him when he first got me/it fit too right, puzzle pieces in the dead of night), even though reality would set in and destroy it.

So then enter Coney Island, where she/the narrator is saying: you keep breaking me because you're pulling away from me (ostensibly because of said cycle) and I don't know why. You used to be the person I relied on the most in this world, and now I feel like half of me is drifting away. (At least, that's how I read "break my soul in two.") Like, this person is still physically there, but in every other respect, they're a million miles away. (Looking for you, but you're right here.) You used to be my everything, my other half, but if you're now pulling away from me, how am I supposed to exist in this world without you? (if I can't relate to you, then who am I related to?)

So admittedly this is where the duet vs. solo gets complicated in the narrative lol and I'm probably going to contradict myself just as a warning. But the theme from the start of My Boy is totally reflected in, "If this is the long haul, how did we get here so soon? Did I close my fist around something delicate, did I shatter you?" Again, the idea of: this was supposed to be our forever, yet it seems like we have just hit the beginning of the end. Was it something I did? Did I break you the way you've broken me? Is that why I'm in so much pain? IT'S SO SAD. (And again: is not only very similar to the theme of My Boy, but IMO of TTPD in general.)

The chorus of Coney Island is what this mashup REALLY illuminated for me: The idea of remembering the good times at a spot that used to be yours together, and wondering how the hell you lost sight of each other (lol) and ended up here, broken and alone. "Sorry for not making you my centrefold, over and over" is so ouchie because if it's the narrator singing that, it could almost be a little resentful, like, "I made you the centre of my universe, sorry I couldn't keep doing it again," but if it's the subject, it's like, "sorry I could never prioritize you the way you did me," and either way it's SAD.

"Lost again with no surprises, disappointments close your eyes and it gets colder as the sun goes down," REALLY got me, because it's just so resigned! Like, you keep expecting things to get better, but they don't, and you're just continually disappointed and floored with every setback. There's no grand gesture, no magic cure to save the day, everything just wilts and fades away. "It gets colder and colder as the sun goes down," is just like... all the life in your home and your relationship bleeding out like, well, death by a thousand cuts.

The bridge of Coney Island finally really hit me here because it's like the promise of youth being completely replaced by the jadedness of adulthood. "Were you waiting at our old spot in the tree line by the gold clock, did I leave you hanging every single day?" to me just feels like: I knew you were waiting for me [to join you-- and IMO that's a metaphor for "you were waiting for me to be ready for our plans"], but I kept stalling and with every day that I stalled I hurt you even more. Obviously this may be reading too much into it, but I could make a case for the "old spot by the tree line" being a stand-in for a familiar beloved space (e.g. home) and the gold clock being a stand-in for counting down to life plans that had once been on a timeline that no longer were. But this is getting deep into literary analysis instead of a walk down memory lane with the mashup itself 😂 Anyhoo this just gave me more thoughts about another song but we are not going there on main.

And of course, "did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray a universe away" ties into so much of what we hear on TTPD (and imo much of rep through Midnights too), but also calls back to "here we go again, the voices in his head call the rain to end our days of wild," in the My Boy intro of this mashup. Like I said, this is where the duet vs. solo gets complicated if you're looking at it from a performance point of view here 😂 but it makes sense to me. (And to borrow from twitter brain rot, it fits my narrative.) But, this person drifting away emotionally and taking it out on her (a universe away) completely tears her world apart and turns her world into sadness in kind. (Which: again, is the theme of My Boy too.)

And maybe my favourite part of the mashup, thematically and sonically because it brings it all together:

When I got into the accident, the sight that flashed before me was your face, but when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name... but just say when I'd play again, he was my best friend down at the sandlot, I felt more when he played pretend than with all the Kens, cause he took me out of my box, stole my tortured heart, left all these broken parts, told me I'm better off, but I'm not.

It's this idea of: this person loves you more than anything (e.g. your face being the first they see when their life flashes before their eyes), but being unable to show you that kind of love and taking you for granted in spite of it (forgot to say your name). Like, I'd die for you, but I still can't be there for you. THAT IS HEAVY. (Yes, complicated by duet/solo, no, I don't care.) And in spite of it all, I would have still tried again! (And she did, ahem.) Because even when you hurt me, I still loved you more than anyone else! This love felt like it was worth more than the pain it caused, even when I was denying how much it was hurting me! I somehow believed you every time, but I know it was killing me. OOF.

(I could say "told me I'm better off, but I'm not," sounds like "You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?" but I don't mean to veer into muse discourse because the mashup stories stand alone on their own etc.)

In the end, it comes down to "he saw forever, so he smashed it up." If you're looking at it as one full story, My Boy is like the context about the dark place they both find themselves in, and Coney Island fills in the lines about how said boy broke said favourite toy, little by little, until it turns into the destructive force you find in My Boy that leaves her in pieces to pick up on her own. And this is a case where the mashup really deepened my understanding of BOTH songs! Coney Island wasn't just a tale of fading love in the backdrop of the place of childhood dreams, it's a whole metaphor for a shared life disintegrating. And while I got the themes of My Boy instantly, pairing it with a song that's a little more grounded in reality kind of highlights the darkness behind the toy box conceit even further. My Boy sets the stage for the fallout from mental health and personal struggles, and Coney Island shows how that happens.

As an aside, she does some incredible things vocally in this mashup, and the way she belts out "I'm not" repeatedly is one of them! The power! The emotion! Master class in using your voice as a tool to tell a story! From the first quiet "I'm not," to the final angry one, it is a journey!!!

Thank you so much for this bestie!!!! It took me literal hours but it was worth it 😂 Aaah August 2024 you will always be famous.

(And for everyone else: we are still on a moratorium for mashup madness asks because I still have too many to go through lol. I will let y'all know when I am accepting requests again!)

[tianhai03]

to the people who have been going through my dmc tag (and the few who went through my danteleon tag i see you guys 🫵) after the netflix anime dropped, i would like to let you know that 1. i dont want to have anything to do with the netflix anime and 2. i dont post dmc anymore lol sorry about that

[binah-beloved]

i have now gotten past the unmasked rabbit man and the big wolf with the help of a friend. i hope everything in this manor except Nelly burns to the ground.

[ruvviks]

– Beginnings.

Characters >> Lily Castellanos, Nathan Dixon (oc), Sebastian Castellanos Total >> 3.5k words Warnings >> Alcohol mention Context >> The first chapter of my own TEW3, taking place some months after the conclusion of the in-game events of TEW2! You can read more about it all here!

It snowed in Krimson City.

The sky had been the same dull gray color since sunrise, snowflakes slowly cascading down and covering the street in a thick blanket of snow. A heavy fog held the city tightly in its grasp– an eerie atmosphere hanging in the thin afternoon air and low-hanging clouds swallowing entire buildings whole– and with only limited visibility on the road, traffic was forced to crawl by in slow motion.

While not an unseen phenomenon, it was far from a common sight for early January, only days after Nathan’s birthday. He had spent that day snowed in in his little apartment, had celebrated it alone; not as if it mattered much, he doubted Kid even knew and besides his ex-colleague from MOBIUS he severely lacked other friends to hang out with those days.

He stood motionless at the fence of the small playground located in Krimson City’s public park, gloved hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his long, black coat with the collar popped up to shield the lower half of his face from the occasional sharp gust of wind. He had not moved in a while, shoulders and tousled black hair covered in a thin layer of fine white powder, frost nipping away at the tip of his nose as his eyes followed a group of kids excitedly running around.

It did not take a genius to notice Lily was significantly older than the others there, but none of the kids seemed to mind. It came as no surprise to Nathan to see her there– she had not once lost her playfulness even after everything MOBIUS had put her through, and without a proper outlet for it in all her years trapped in the shadow organization it only made sense for her to want to have a chance at spending the remainder of her childhood like she had always been supposed to.

He watched in silence as she scooped up some snow in her pink and orange mittens, wincing when one of the other kids threw a snowball directly at her face; she was smiling, though, and quickly pressed the snow together to then hurl it back, the surprisingly well-aimed attempt hitting someone else on the back of their coat.

‘You’re startin’ to freak out the other parents, standing there like that.’

The corners of Nathan’s mouth lightly curled up upon hearing the familiar, low voice, not needing to turn his head to know who joined him on the other side of the fence.

‘Was starting to wonder how long it’d take for you to notice me,’ he said, his own voice a little rougher than usual on account of the cold, and his severe lack of proper rest in the past few weeks. ‘Was gonna give you another five minutes before I’d walk over to introduce myself. You’re getting slow.’

‘I’m getting comfortable,’ Sebastian Castellanos corrected him with a scoff, returning Lily’s little wave as she ran by the both of them– Nathan merely greeted her with a single nod of his head– before quickly shoving his hand back in the pocket of his green jacket.

‘No need to keep my eyes up anymore, Nate. Threat’s gone, MOBIUS’ gone. Life’s improving day by day.’

‘Good.’

Nathan wished he shared Sebastian’s sentiment.

If anything, life had turned rather sour for him after they had successfully gotten rid of a large chunk of MOBIUS several months ago. He had never expected to walk away from it alive to begin with– and now, without the steady income the organization had provided him with for years, he found himself struggling to get by.

He glanced to his right, gaze briefly meeting that of the ex-detective before he quickly averted his eyes and let them wander back to the playground, trailing over the various snow-covered playground sets.

Sebastian looked good, healthy– much better than the state he’d been in when Nathan had last seen him all those months ago. Part of him regretted not reaching out sooner, the sudden reconnection now an obvious sign that something was wrong; though the wiser part of him knew that had he stuck around the Castellanos family they would not have been able to move on and heal, which was the last thing he would have wanted to be responsible for.

‘What about you?’ Sebastian quietly asked, as if he’d been able to sense Nathan’s melancholy. ‘You look like you haven’t slept in days.’

Nathan scoffed, slightly tilting his head to look at his feet and he absently kicked some snow off his boots. ‘That obvious? Sure feels like it.’

He had teamed up with Juli Kidman to deal with the remainder of MOBIUS, after the Union incident. Of course the destruction of the STEM environment hadn’t led to the fall of the whole organization– it would’ve been stupid of them to link all of their employees directly to the mainframe of a single STEM device, despite the Superiors’ obvious lack of knowledge concerning the technology– and while MOBIUS had suffered massive losses, it would only be a matter of time before they would regroup.

But he was not there to talk to Sebastian about how their hunt was going.

Something else had come up.

Nathan’s silence did not go unnoticed and Sebastian turned toward him, leaning sideways against the fence with a concerned look in his eyes. He did not need to say anything– and neither did Nathan, as he slowly pulled his hands out of his pockets and removed one of his black, leather gloves.

The pale top of his left hand had a burned appearance, as if fire had scorched away skin and flesh– the wound only partially healed leaving it broken and torn clinging closely to his veins and bones. Though despite how recent he had received the scar, its appearance instead implied years long possession, and despite its severity it did not hurt at all.

He could tell by the look on Sebastian’s face the scar reminded him of someone.

‘Now, I know what you’re gonna say–’ Nathan started, but Sebastian cut him off.

‘I can’t do this, Nathan. I have a daughter–’

‘–I know.’

His voice came out a lot sharper than he had meant for.

‘I’m not asking anything of you,’ he said, his heartbeat pounding in the back of his throat.

‘Not this time.’

It had started as police radio chatter.

Late in the afternoon, Nathan had already been getting ready to go home. Kid had picked up a mention of Beacon– its doors long closed for the public yet the building remained in the heart of Krimson City, left to rot and wither away– supposed ghostly activity reported within its decaying walls, and she had wanted to investigate.

Nathan sharply exhaled and put his glove back on, exposed fingers growing numb in the freezing winter air. He leaned forward with his arms on the fence, to move a little closer to Sebastian; as if he was afraid someone would overhear them, as if they could make sense out of any of it to begin with.

‘He’s back, Sebastian,’ he defeatedly stated, and the other man lowered his gaze. ‘I saw him. He did this to me.’

‘Impossible.’

‘Wish it was.’

Despite hearing many tales, and having worked on his project for years as developer within the MOBIUS branch he had been part of, Nathan had never seen or met Ruvik face to face. The brilliant mind behind the STEM technology had always remained in the shadows; up until his death, after which his brain had become the core of MOBIUS’ very first STEM device.

Naturally so, when Nathan had run into the man while wandering the abandoned hallways of Beacon, his first assumption had been that he was asleep– followed by a brief moment of panic in which he had believed he was dead, or somehow back in STEM.

But Ruvik had touched him– had forcefully grabbed his hand to make him drop his gun and had left a burn similar to his own scars– and had then vanished the second Kidman had yelled out Nathan’s name, the old and presumed broken STEM device in the room next door whirring and humming as if it had never been deactivated in the first place.

‘I’m here to warn you,’ Nathan softly continued, eyes fixed on a random spot in the bright snow covering the playground and thumb absently running over the gloved back of his scarred hand.

‘We don’t know yet what exactly he’s here for, what exactly he’s tryin’ to do. Investigating as we speak, but– shit’s looking serious. Somehow reverse engineered the STEM signal to reach outward, expand into reality. Push itself out rather than draw people in.’

‘Meaning?’

‘Similar to the wireless connection that pulled you into STEM the first time round, but– without being pulled in.’ Nathan had to bite his tongue to stop himself from getting too technical. ‘An– An active environment in our world, if you follow, rather than on the device’s mainframe. Signal seems to be inactive still, but we’re gettin’ the readings. No idea how he’s planning to activate it yet.’

They had moved the device to their own headquarters, on the outskirts of town. Had needed to connect it to the second prototype– the device that had supported the Union environment, which they had taken from MOBIUS’ headquarters after wiping out its agents– in order to gain access to the mainframe, get any data extracted from it in the first place.

Their initial hope had been that it was nothing more than echoes– malfunctions in the STEM device caused by neglect promptly activating the wireless signal allowing shades from within to wander the Beacon hallways– anything but Ruvik’s actual return, however that was even possible–

‘Daddy!’

Nathan blinked, drawn out of his thoughts by Lily’s voice. He watched her run over to the two of them– the front of her coat, face, and hair completely covered in snow and a bright smile on her face as she attempted to wipe some of it from her forehead, but if anything her mittens just further spread it out.

‘I’m getting cold,’ she said, squinting when Sebastian reached out to help her with the snow. ‘Can we go back home soon?’

‘Of course honey,’ he replied, barely able to mask the exhaustion in his voice now that Nathan had explained the situation to him– and for a brief moment it was as if they were back in Union, radioing back to Kidman from the momentary safety of one of their established safehouses. ‘Don’t want you catching a cold.’

Lily looked up at Nathan and smiled at him– but she was a smart kid, and he watched her expression change as she looked back up at her father, head slightly tilting before she shook it to get some strands of her ink black hair out of her face, the single white strand in her bangs– matching Nathan’s own– a grim and constant reminder of her mother’s fate.

‘Is everything alright?’ she asked, and Nathan couldn’t help but wonder if she still associated him with MOBIUS, if she still associated him with the tests and experiments they put her through and if she still associated him with the STEM device, meeting one another within in some facility in the Marrow where he was forced to watch over her like a vulture at all times, all to keep the system stable.

‘Nothing to worry about,’ he simply answered her, unsure if she would fall for his lie, but knowing it would give her infinitely more comfort than the truth ever could. ‘Just came to say hi.’

The breeze picked up, howling loudly in Nathan’s ears as if the whole city softly cried for him; the cold boring its way through his clothes and eating away at his skin, exposed or not, freezing him all the way down to the bone. He lowered his head– a futile attempt at shielding his face from the biting wind and snow, individual snowflakes cutting like knives across his forehead and cheekbones.

He watched Lily smile at both him and Sebastian again before running off to get back to the snowball fight for just a bit longer, diving behind the slide to get cover. His gaze was pulled back toward Sebastian– but said man appeared deep in thought, eyes pointedly fixed on something in the distance, head anywhere but in the present.

‘I gotta go back in,’ Nathan quietly continued; an unnecessary statement, the gravity of the situation like static in the air between the two of them, though to put it into words was to accept the harsh reality of it all– acknowledgement of what had to happen, what was going to happen, something he had not been able to do before.

‘It’s nothing like Union,’ Sebastian bluntly replied with a shake of his head, turning his back to the playground and resting heavily with his elbows on the fence. ‘He’s nothing like Stefano– nothing like Theodore. He doesn’t need a weapon or a core to draw his powers from, you get too close and it’s over. You understand?’

Nathan didn’t know what else to say.

He had never thought he’d have to go back into STEM after Union. He’d be alone this time round– no Sebastian by his side, no Kidman to radio back to. They had reconnected some old friends– Joseph, Yukiko, Esmeralda– but had no idea whether or not their consciousnesses would still be somewhere within STEM, and for all Nathan knew he would be diving into a world entirely of Ruvik’s creation, with the same horrifying creatures haunting it as last time, if not worse.

Of course he was terrified. All it took was one encounter with Anima and he would never see the light of day ever again.

‘You should go,’ Nathan said, pushing himself up from the fence and stuffing his hands back in the pockets of his coat, ‘get out of town while you still can. Grab a bag or two, grab Lily, take her on a– on a road trip up north or something, while we figure this out. Just in case he–’

He couldn’t finish his sentence. The thought of Ruvik succeeding and trapping the world in a constant state of STEM was something he would rather not think about.

‘–you know.’

An uncomfortable silence followed. And rightfully so– what else was there to say? The whole situation was ridiculous to begin with, and for Nathan to show up only now instead of at any other point in time, months of radio silence after nearly dying together in a simulation of reality lingering between real life and a dream–

He carefully watched as Sebastian shifted his weight from one foot to the other, able to study his face for longer now that the other man refused to make eye contact with him. He truly did look a lot better; Nathan could only assume the man had stopped drinking, and had been getting a much better night’s sleep.

Though despite the improvement in his appearance there was still that lingering sense of dread, the dark shadow that had washed over his face the second he had laid eyes on Nathan’s scarring and had realized what he had come to him for.

Nathan couldn’t blame him. But he’d had to let Sebastian know.

He licked his lips and nodded to no one in particular, ending the conversation himself by taking a small step back and turning back around to return to his car, drive home, drink himself blind and pass out to hopefully get some sleep in before he would have to dive back into his worst nightmare–

‘Hey.’

Sebastian’s hand on his upper arm was unexpected and Nathan hated how he could not stop himself from flinching, a reflex more than anything else, and he hated how it made Sebastian pull his hand away as if he’d touched fire, the tips of his fingers on Nathan’s body despite the layers he wore the first physical contact he had experienced in months.

‘Who is “we”?’ Sebastian quietly asked, briefly glancing behind him to see if Lily was still far enough away. A surprising question; though not out of character for the ex-detective, his curiosity piqued just enough for him to try and get a little more information out of Nathan before they would say goodbye and possibly never see each other again.

‘Me,’ Nathan plainly answered, ‘Juli. Used to be just us two but we gathered a team of old STEM developers to help us with this. They got moved on to other projects while we were working on Union– they removed their chips, came back for us.’

‘So all MOBIUS.’

Not even a question, simply a statement.

Nathan bit the inside of his cheek. ‘Ex MOBIUS.’

The atmosphere changed, a sharp tension bouncing between the two of them as Nathan straightened his back and lightly tilted up his chin. He couldn’t exactly place the look on the other man’s face, though by then knew him well enough to know his hesitation wasn’t caused by uncertainty, but moreso distrust.

‘Thought the program was meant to kill them all,’ Sebastian said, a somewhat hostile undertone in his voice that had not been there before.

‘Just our branch.’ Nathan paused, watching as Sebastian slowly nodded and mouthed a soundless “right”– not entirely sure what his reaction was supposed to mean, but he decided not to ask. ‘Already told you it runs a lot deeper than you thought.’

Myra's sacrifice had put an end to the Administrator's reign of terror– had destroyed his legacy, and all research and findings on the STEM system as designed by Ruvik and improved by MOBIUS. Whichever branches remained did not nearly have enough resources or knowledge to pull off something even remotely similar; and whatever scraps of code they could have gotten their hands on before Kidman and Nathan had wiped their systems clean would prove insufficient to provide them with a stable environment.

And even if they would make it that far– provided they’d be able to recreate the STEM device from written instructions alone, Ruvik's original blueprints lost to time and MOBIUS' own burned to a crisp in the aftermath of the Union incident's conclusion– the mental erosion Union's residents had suffered from and the Anima manifestations that had happened as a result had never been resolved, leaving any future STEM residents with the all but comforting promise of a similar fate.

'I'm diving in tomorrow,' Nathan said, knowing there was nothing else left to say. The breeze in the park was picking up again, sweeping snowflakes that were starting to feel more like hail than anything else into Nathan’s face with a lot more force than before, melting on collision and dripping into the collar of his shirt. 'First thing in the morning. Can’t waste any more time. In case you wanna come say goodbye–'

He reached into the pocket of his pants, then held out a note to Sebastian; handwritten, containing an address located on an abandoned warehouse site, not too far from Nathan's own home.

'–our headquarters.' He waited for Sebastian to take the note from him. 'No pressure, of course.'

No pressure.

The note was almost a blatant sign that Nathan wanted him to be there. He could not ask it of him directly– but gave him the option anyway, leaving the decision up to Sebastian instead.

But deep down Nathan knew that Sebastian knew that he really did not want to go back in alone– and if it had been up to him they had recruited Sebastian a week ago already, when things had first started to go wrong.

‘Do you have backup?’ Sebastian softly asked, as if he could look directly into Nathan’s head– asking the one question he had hoped for, with an answer to it that could easily enough change Sebastian’s mind about letting Nathan walk away if only he would play his cards right–

But despite how often he had practiced the entire conversation alone in his car, despite going over all the different things he could say at least a million times, just to get Sebastian to feel sorry for him– as selfish as it fucking was– Nathan found himself unable to speak.

He simply shook his head instead.

The other children and their parents were leaving, now. It was getting late, and colder, and Lily slowly wandered back to Sebastian to start dragging him back to the car if he were to take any longer than he already had.

Nathan looked up at the sky, eyes fluttering shut as he allowed more snow to drift down onto his ice cold skin, and he breathed in and out deeply before turning back to Sebastian.

‘They’re expecting more snowfall tonight,’ he said, locking eyes for only a split second and shooting a smile in his direction, as he began walking backwards into the direction of his car. ‘Don’t wait up. And– Drive safe, okay?’

Sebastian did not answer him.

It snowed in Krimson City, accompanied by a deafening silence weighing it down and choking it out, as if the whole city was expectantly holding its breath.

Nathan left.

taglist (opt in/out)

@nistarot, @deadrlngers, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @mojaves;

@shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption, @ncytiri;

@calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @florbelles, @radioactiveshitstorm, @strafethesesinners;

@fashionablyfyrdraaca, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian, @estevnys, @devilbrakers;

@aezyrraesh, @carlosoliveiraa, @adelaidedrubman, @fromgotham, @wardenevka

[bravevolunteer]

the longer i sit on it the more i'm so much more endeared by s.otm then i thought i'd be i cannot lie?? if you told me half of this shit no context a week ago i'd crash out but i must be real how am i NOT going to be amused. this shit's like mean girls but with businessmen. it's kinda gay. it served morally grey h.enry e.mily realness. imagine getting kicked out of a polycule you didn't even know you were part of, happened to my good friend e.dwin m.urray

[crossbackpoke-check]

the work is certainly not in progress, but it is wednesday !!

[ducks-love-peas]

24 icons below the cut (3 screencaps | transparent/halo version, colored bg version, original bg version | 250 x 250 px)

like/reblog (or leave a reply) if you use! or just if you like them :)

credit appreciated but not required

don't edit/redistribute/repost/claim as your own thx ⇝(want a color that's not here? have a request? ask me! <3)

[b-blushes]

thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3

[insipid-drivel]

Friendship and relationships are hard, I'm lonely and can't be loved by anyone, so here's some hard realities and wisdom from someone who's going to die sad and alone inevitably:

Many of you have got to try to put some effort in nurturing your relationships with your friends, or at least more clearly negotiate what your friends can and can't expect from you in the long-term.

Seriously, this whole 0-contact-aside-from-reacting-through-each-other's notes and proclaiming you're ride-or-die about someone for it? Is literally killing me. I've actually been dealing with suicidality because of how impossible it is to stay in touch with, or even on good terms with, people I thought were my friends but ghosted me, and then acted bewildered when I was angry with them for it or didn't acknowledge them as my friend anymore. "You can't be mad at me for not answering your DMs for 7 years! We're friends! I still reblog your reblogs!"

I am absolutely allowed to be angry, and I absolutely can demote you in my mind from "person I thought was a friend" to "mutual that ignores me until they need a dopamine fix or an answer to a specific question".

Months or years of unprompted, unbroken silence is not friendship - acquaintenceship, sure, but not friendship. It's a bad friend that expects love and loyalty by default no matter how long they've been ghosting their friends.

Love and loyalty are like a garden: they require cultivating and a commitment to nurture and grow, or else it gradually withers, and eventually dies. Earning the love and loyalty of a friend and then abandoning the garden of that relationship is how you find yourself locked out of your former friend's garden, or find them lonely, miserable, and exhausted from trying to keep the garden thriving when they themselves have slowly been dying inside because you haven't come back to the garden in years.

You have to learn to reach out and nurture your relationships. If you're autistic or otherwise have problems socializing, there are still some skills that you need to learn to avoid being isolated and friendless at the end of the day. Being autistic with trouble socializing is not an excuse to treat people you call your friends or that you claim to love like hobbies you can leave and come back to whenever you feel like - I learned this the hard way as an autistic person with shit social skills.

You have to negotiate what a friend can expect from you if you're an Outside Cat Friend that only drops in when you have specific reasons to reach out. It can be heartbreaking being the friend left waiting for a reply or a text without knowing the friend you're waiting for is an Outside Cat Friend.

Unless you have already agreed with your friend(s) that it's okay to ghost each other for extensive periods, spontaneously dropping out of contact with someone you've convinced is a good friend to you is really shitty and makes you a shitty friend.

"But I don't have the energy to reach out." Tell them.

"I have a lot going on and don't have time to talk." FUCKING TELL THEM.

"I haven't had anything to talk about." THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.

"I've been too anxious to reach out." SAY THAT. JUST SAY THAT.

"I need a break from social contact for a while, so I don't wanna talk at all really." SAY THAT BEFORE YOU JUST DROP OFF THE END OF THE EARTH.

I've been the Reaching-Out Friend for most of my life, and in the past 5-10 years especially, I haven't been finding a whole lot of strength left to keep tending abandoned gardens that are thriving in name only. I've gotten fed up with self-professed friends that say they love me or view me as a sibling, but ultimately prove themselves to be bystanders when it's my turn to need someone to lean on and help me look after the garden.

Yes, there are absolutely friends you can have that can go years without hearing from you and still pick up where you left off when you do meet up again. They're awesome and worth keeping just as much as any other friends are.

There are also those friends that silently grieve your absence, that reach out to no avail, and wind up leaving the garden to die entirely after salting the soil with their own tears. Those are the friends that you've taken too much from without giving enough of yourself in return, and you've used them up and thrown them away without realizing you've treated someone that cared about you like a tool.

"I'm not the kind of friend that reaches out first."

That's your choice. No matter how you dress it up, when you decide it's time to neglect a friend, you're choosing to neglect them if they aren't prepared for what to expect from a friendship with you. You have the right to do that whenever you want to, but you cannot expect a warm reception with every person you do it to every time you do it. You cannot anticipate full amnesty in advance without full disclosure in advance.

If you're currently thinking of someone you've left sitting on read for a long time right now? It might be time to break your pattern and reach out for once.

Fall together, not apart.

[valewritessss]

My life rn can be described perfectly by the phrase “I bit off more than I can chew”.

[todayisafridaynight]

Share Mine notes please I beg (and on the arakawa fam if you have the timefkfd)

forgive me if these are messy as all fuck i'm not good at making notes BUT here's everything i generally keep in mind when drawing mine and hijikata + the reference sheets i look at when drawing them :)

arakawa family notes + references below:

(more notes about aoki + sawashiro's faces ft. ikumi here)