#(lbr do i ever really leave it?)

[vaguely-concerned]

Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I’ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.)  This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that. 

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)   

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them. 

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly. 

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much. 

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.) 

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

[chaos-in-deepspace]

L&DS Xavier: Promise Me | Drabble

Since I forgot to upload yesterday I'm popping two of these in today. This has a little angst, something I say I never write but lbr I love making people feel things. Hope you enjoy this because it's still cute and fluffy.

Pairing: Xavier x Reader Warning: Angst + Comfort Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+.

Blog Information | Masterlist

Xavier

Xavier flinches, his entire body recoiling from your touch. You had a cotton ball doused in alcohol, and a rather pissed off look at the moment. Xavier had come to your apartment, half dead, and you had of course taken him and dragged him to the couch. This wasn’t the first time and certainly wouldn’t be the last time this happened.

You were just happy he actually came to you. He used to just go to his apartment when he was in this condition and would visit once he was better and all cleaned up. This had only managed to piss you off due to how often you’d be waiting for him to return from a mission, never knowing if he was safe or not. You were certain this man had aged you ten years in the time you’d been dating him.

“Perhaps if you were more careful, or better yet brought back up, this wouldn’t be happening,” you scolded him, grabbing another thing of gauze to wrap around him. You knew he healed fast in his sleep, but you also knew he managed to heal even faster if someone took the time to treat his wounds first.

“I’m so-ow,” he was cut off from his apology as you almost dug the thing of cotton into him. You didn’t want to hear it as you went back to cleaning and wrapping, something that was almost second nature to you at this point.

“I’m just worried…” you said with a small frown on your lips. You took a moment to gather your thoughts and cleared your throat, “I’m worried that one day your injuries are going to be too much and you’re not going to come back to me,” you admitted finally.

Xavier seemed taken aback by this, watching how your eyebrows furrowed in worry and how you looked away from him. A small pout was on your lips and he sighed. He took his hand and grabbed your chin, moving you to face him. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, murmuring his next words.

“I promise I’ll always come back to you,” his voice was almost a whisper but you still heard it clear as day. You didn’t even know when your eyes began to tear up, small droplets falling down your cheek as you sniffled.

Xavier seemed to take note of this and was almost cooing as he grabbed you and dragged you closer to him; you were now settled on his lap as he pressed another kiss to your cheek, then another. He grabbed your hand, pressing his lips to your knuckles as he looked up at you through his silvery bangs.

“I won’t leave you. Not now, not ever. Please believe me,” his voice seemed to almost crack as he tried keeping it steady and calm, knowing if he showed too much emotion right now it would only send you spiraling even more. There was an empty pit in the bottom of your stomach as your mind swirled with the worse case scenarios.

“How can you promise that…how can you be so sure?” you asked and he sighed, putting your face into the crook of his neck as he rocked a little with you in his arms.

“Because as long as you remain on this earth, then so shall I,” he said, his breath fanning over your ear as he said those words. Your hands were pressed against his chest, your nails gently scraping over the skin, a small reminder that he really was there with you.

“If I go with you, at least I know you’re safe…please take me along next time,” you finally said, managing to even out your voice as the tears stopped for the time being. He felt so warm and safe and you wished you could just stay like this for a little longer.

“I can’t take you to some of these places,” he reminded you gently, his hand on your back as he rubbed soothing circles there.

“Then don’t just disappear next time. Let me know where you’ll be,” you said, almost angry now that he had once again left on a mission without saying a word to his partner.

“I will, I promise,” he settled on after a moment, pulling away so he could cup your cheek in his hand. He brought you down for a kiss and you melted into it. After a second he parted, “I’ll keep you updated, but you need to do the same for me.,”

You nodded your head before leaning in for another quick kiss, “Alright, I promise,”

Gods I can't believe I'm actually willing to wake up too fucking early just to see a livestream and find out who Sylus is...wish me luck in actually waking up because you're boi is not a fucking morning person.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the amount of times i Do This must be a joke at this point but here i am. doing it once more. izaya's highschool videogame SCREAMS "i just found out i have aspd and i am NOT taking it well." and i shall explain how

a preface: wrt "how did he know in high school, don't you have to be 18?" you do.... with the dsm guidelines. japan, iirc, uses a conbination of the dsm and icd to diagnose mental illnesses, and the age stipulation isn't in the icd. also, shinra could have told him, and lbr shinra wouldnt care about strictly adhering to the age thing

anyway i went thru and highlighted different parts of the videogame's text, so i can easier explain which part means what. i'll primarily be focusing on the chronic boredom associated with aspd- since izaya's game deals with patience, most musings in it will be related to that boredom. but the boredom, especially izaya's, IS important, as its the boredom that drives him to do what he does. to be what he is.

(shoutout to miyukiwinter for the scan)

so... the red bit. this relates to izaya's worldview of the need to keep evolving to escape the mundane, and it not mattering if you aim high or low. now at this point, izaya was solidly in some shady shit and clearly on the path of the low aim. but the thing is, about aspd... the boredom is all consuming. you'll do ANYTHING to not be bored. i've seen people say they developed substance abuse problems to escape the boredom, and i confess... i've done it too. it truly is THAT bad

i say all this because... izaya will never be able to stop going lower, and lower, and lower. he's fated to fall forever. maybe he wouldve been able to brush his behavior off as teenage craziness, but with a diagnosis like aspd it becomes increadingly obvious that there is no "oh, i'll mellow out once i reach my 20s." it's not going to happen, at least, not without great effort. and lets be real, nobody has any faith in aspd's recovery rates, less so in the early 2010s, so izaya upon diagnosis would see NO FUTURE for himself. no escape from the cycle. he's trapped.

the blue bits are a bit more vauge, but the undertainty turning to loss evokes the next stage after the initial shock of diagnosis: grief. and make no mistake, there IS a grieving process with mental health diagnoses. you go from being shocked and scared, to being depressed and numb.

but there's... another layer to this, with aspd. you see it with cluster b disorders in general, but aspd is HUGE in the pop culture zeitgeist

the layer is, the idea that People Like That don't feel emotions. that any emotional display is false and an explicit ploy to mainpulate someone

and when this inevitably ends up untrue, you might start to feel... odd... about feeling those emotions people say you can't feel. and one of the biggest emotions aspd gets that with, is fear and by extension, anxiety.

some aspd people genuinely do feel reduced fear! but it's far from being a diagnostic criteria, and aspd can actually be comorbid with anxiety disorders. but scientific facts and wider culture rarely match up, so the idea persists

so izaya might have started to think.... was he ever truly anxious? or worried? was he really more rotten than people thought; was he just mainpulating people the whole time? does he really not feel anxiety? was his nervousness over things like shinra leaving him or hell, this diagnosis, rendered null and void?

and then we reach the teal portion.... despair

(just a sidenote, tumblr has no teal color option so it'll just be blue)

in this sense, "the hole" refers to the endless downward spiral, and his diagnosis- but not just having it. no, "the hole" most likely refers to the moment izaya developed it in the first place.

who are you, if you thought you were in control your whole life, but you found out that the reason you do the things you do were because of foeces beyond your control? who are you now, having a label you know will cause everyone to see you as nothing but a stereotype?

why was he still alive, suffering like this? what point is it to be alive, controlled by something you can't fight, forced to make your life worse and worse and worse, until you die young?

so now what? who did this to him?

in the game, the hatred is towards "the player." and honestly this could have multiple different meanings when applied to izaya's own life

does he hate god? was he raised religious, his father being a christian, and was this what made him lose faith? what loving god would condemn someone to suffer like this?

does he hate his parents? after all, it was their genetics that passed this down, their upbringing that nurtured it, their neglect that made him the way he was. is it their fault?

or... does he hate himself, for being the way that he is? for having it in the first place, for not being able to overcome it, for having such a bad reaction to it?

for being too cowardly to kill himself?

which brings us to the final segment. awareness.

he says outright, the game is depicting the player's life. in the game itself, this ties into his mockery of players, but in a meta sense, it could be a hidden admission that it's depicting his life

especially the talk of meaningless games- fooling around with nakura creating small gangs, betting pools, and his eventual adult pastimes of messing with people. is his life enriched? no, it's merely occupied, and he knows it. he might have repressed it as an adult, but here, in high school, at this moment, he knows.

and if he can never truly alleviate his boredom, never truly be fufilled, then he can act like he's in control all he wants, but he's no better than a man falling in a hole.

[devildomditzy]

Dates I think these mf’s would take you on

Lucifer

I ain’t gonna lie probably the opera 😭

Or like some kind of symphonic orchestra

Even if you’re bored as hell he’s sitting there with a small smile on his face looking pleased with himself

He’d probably take you to a really fancy dinner before or after

The kind that’s so fancy it makes you uncomfortable you feel me

If you’re walking beside him, you’re going to be hanging off his arm

you have no choice in the matter

But at least he’s the perfect gentleman!

(I am a little scared of him)

Mammon

Love of your life he will literally try to snoop into your stuff/eavesdrop your conversations to figure out what you like and try to plan a date around that

But he also likes to be really spontaneous with it, so his two styles clash, he doesn’t really ‘do’ planning

Honest to god he will bring you along with him to one of his schemes and call it a date 😭

But he also really likes just taking you for long drives, he gets to have you alone, all to himself, and you can go anywhere and do anything

Makes him feel so, so happy when he sees you all excited

When he feels important to you, that’s when he gets all cocky

I want him so bad

Levi

Listen…

Y’AINT leavin the house

He wants to lock you in his room to marathon your favorite shows or finish the latest video game in one sitting

He’d bring you into one of his immersive video games as a date, cause he can make any scenario you’d like happen, and he doesn’t even have to leave the house!

If he ever does take you somewhere outside…

Sorry, it’s to an idol meet and greet

Or a movie premiere of some obscure title you’ve likely never heard of

MAID CAFE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE

At least he’s cute 😭

Satan

I ain’t gonna lie probably the opera 😭

Okay jk definitely a bookstore or coffee shop he’s one of THOSE nerds (but we been knew)

He just wants to read peacefully and quietly, book in one hand and yours in the other

CAT CAFE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE

But it’s so so so cute to watch him light up

This man’s reaction to orange cat activities? priceless 😭

Asmo

It’s to some fashion show or makeup product launch party

He’s your arm candy and you’re his

He wants to take you somewhere where he can doll up the both of you so you can show each other off

Probably would take you to a spa, even if you’re not dating you’re the number one person he’s dragging to the spa

Wherever you go, getting into a photo booth is a MUST

Beel

Another boy who just wants to take you somewhere you’d like 🥺

He’d want to take you to one of those couples cooking classes but lbr you’d have to put a muzzle on him 😭

He likes to take you to do outdoorsy stuff, even if you’re not an outdoorsy person, he thinks it’s important that you get out sometimes

Likes to go on walks, simple strolls where he can hold your hand and talk

If you get tired he will piggyback carry you

You don’t even have to ask, he’s hyper aware of when you’re getting tired because he’s so used to Belphie

Sweetie 🥺

Belphie

Not to be an basic bitch with him but - stargazing, you know it’s stargazing

He loves observatories, he loves just laying down on the grass and staring up, and he loves doing it with you

He doesn’t get tired of explaining the same constellations over and over

He especially enjoys pointing out him and beel’s your star

He also loves nap dates!

Get cozy 😚

Oh, you wanna get up? He wishes a bitch would try

You are glued to the mattress until he says so

[soleilnomoon]

May I get a oatmeal raisin cookie, dulce de leche roll, nougat, with caramel on top with Law from One Piece, with a f!reader, please?

hiii angel 😊💕 ty for your patience, i had fun writing this one, something short & sweet as law is the worst and i h8 him (i'm lying ofc).

1.8k words, fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni, a lil bit of angst (i can never help myself ok) mixed w. smut; feat. cute thangs like law being the worst ever, delusion on both law and reader's part, rough (consensual) sex, reader as always lacks self-preservation, but that's how i like her; law likes to think he's above intimacy but lbr he ain't. (if u see spelling/grammatical errors, no u didn't <3)

if he’s honest with himself — and he often isn’t — you brought this on yourself. he’s grown beyond tired of repeating himself throughout the day; he tells you as much after he instructs you to hold onto the backs of your thighs to expose your pussy to him in a way you’ve never done before. there’s something almost clinical about the way his amber eyes take in your body. his gaze is hawkish, a little cold, but also very familiar — leaving behind a blazing path with every passing second.

you knew you shouldn’t have pushed him, but you were having so much fun earlier, and things are always exciting whenever he gets angry. what you didn’t count on, was law reacting so quickly. normally he lets you have your way and then deals with you the next day, preferring to drag out his punishments — but today, you really toed the line. you’d be proud if you weren’t currently in a bind.

one ironclad rule that everyone on board the polar tang follows, is to never disturb the captain while he’s working. on the rare occasions where there’s an absolute need for his assistance, he’ll make an exception — but you’ve never cared about that, often provoking him in front of the others, flirting as you taunt him by not wearing the appropriate attire in the submarine.

trafalgar law thrives on order, on ensuring his crew follows his plans exactly the way he wants them to, and without question, too. you’ve always thought the others archaic and ridiculous for following him blindly like that, and, besides, law makes it easy to tease him. constantly finding reasons to touch him, always making sure to sit right next to him during meals, your hand drifting to touch his thigh under the table, nails dragging down he inseam of his denim.

whenever you act like that, whenever you brush up against him with the intent of rattling his nerves, he has to remind himself that it’s not feasible for him to fuck you on the table for everyone to see exactly how he likes to deal with you. it’s because you know he won’t do it, that you keep poking.

he stopped fighting you ages ago, but he doesn’t let you get away with much in front of the others.

except for today. you actually managed to fluster him in an irreparable way, so he’s teaching you a lesson.

there are books, papers, and pens scattered on the floor near the desk — law shoved them off to drop you on the surface without restriction. you’re on your back, hot tears pooling around your eyes, threatening to roll down your round cheeks without mercy.

when he originally called you into his office, you figured he’d give you a lecture then send you on your way; but the moment you entered, he had you backed against the door, long fingers wrapped around your throat, squeezing tightly. you’re normally not so careless to let yourself be caught off guard like that, but he has height and strength to his advantage always.

you expected him to kiss you then, to make you fall apart without even doing much — but he didn’t, as usual, he always refuses to kiss you. the sting of that rejection somehow always leaves you with a bitter feeling that you swallow with great difficulty each time. you don’t know why you get your hopes up like that; law isn’t intimate, nor does he crave any sort of romantic companionship. you know that, and yet you still can’t help yourself; hope is a dangerous thing, so you unfortunately have to learn that lesson repeatedly.

“don’t move,” is all he says when he slides the tip of his cock inside your tight hole before snapping his hips forward, the motion making your hips twitch and has your pussy clench around him. it’s pure desperation that has you whimpering and pleading with him to hurry up.

he doesn’t listen — and why would he? he’s the one in charge here, not you. still, he doesn’t make you wait for long, as he thrusts his cock in and out, enjoying the way your slick clings to his length, your thighs warm and soft each time his hips meet yours. you bite down hard on your bottom lip, hoping to keep quiet — knowing it’ll piss him off even more, but law isn’t having it. he plucks your lip away from your teeth, cock pounding into you harder, making you choke on his name.

“behave,” he clicks his tongue afterward, but gives you a dark smile. “you’ll take what i give you and like it.” more than like it, really; your mind is a jumbled mess, thoughts bouncing around erratically, heart beating too fast, as if you’re running an eternal marathon. he leans down, licks along your collarbone, nipping at the skin there, hips rolling against yours at a devastating pace. it makes you rethink all the times you acted out, makes you want to repent somehow — and this does serve as some sort of penance, even if you’re getting pleasure out of it.

and he is too; out of your submission, out of his domination of you. it’s always exhilarating when he has the upper hand in any given situation, but with you he’s amplified tenfold, and he doesn’t know why. or he pretends he doesn’t, anyway.

when you plead for him to slow down, he sucks his teeth and speeds up, reminding that he’s the one in charge — and always has been. your pussy swallows most of his length, a feat that he continues to remain in awe of. no matter how rough he is with you, you always manage to survive and he supposes he likes that about you.

your tenacity is dangerous, though, and if he’s not careful he might end up liking you more than necessary. even though he already does. he watches the expressions on your face, the ecstasy despite all your complaints — you just like running your mouth, is all; he knows that now.

law pulls out of you without warning, leaving a aching, vacant feeling in your pussy. you open your mouth to protest, but he motions for you to get on your hands and knees. he hisses in annoyance when you rub your ass against his hardened length; his patience is practically nonexistent, and you feel it when he grabs your ass and thrusts inside you again.

the change in position has you arching your back, a bit of drool gliding down your bottom lip and spilling onto your chin as you reach back and grab his hip. you bounce your ass against him, matching the timing of his thrusts; a warmth crawls around his chest as he watches the way his cock moves in and out of your pussy. he doesn’t know what to do with that feeling, so he swallows back a groan and grabs a fistful of your hair to pull you closer.

your whining grips him around the throat, makes him think about going easier on you — but then he remembers your insolence and drags his lips along the curve of your ear.

“stop running.”

an impossible request, you know that he knows that; but you take it anyway, grateful that he’s fucking you hard enough to make you forget you have feelings for him. you know later on you’ll mull over what you should or shouldn’t have said, but for now you’ll enjoy the way his cock kisses a spot so deep that it has your eyes rolling back. your words are barely coherent when he kisses the side of your neck, and he almost moans your name out loud when you clench around him in retaliation. and, because he refuses to let you push things in your favor, he rubs your clit with his fingers, your wetness dripping down your thighs so prettily, pussy squelching loudly with each thrust of his cock.

you know that this will only end with your heart in torn carelessly into pieces, but you don’t care; the rush that overwhelms you with each orgasm he gives you is worth it. it’s a powerful delusion, one that you’ll keep for as long as you can. law pinches your clit impulsively, and the way you tremble beneath him, the way you cry out for more more more nearly incapacitates him.

but he stands strong, thankfully.

it’s only when his strokes get sloppy and frenetic, that an orgasm seizes control of your body.

“you’re squeezing so tight,” he says lightly, breathing uneven against your skin, pressing kisses on your shoulder, “must be feeling good, hm?” he knows why you can’t answer him, which is why he pushes you back down onto the desk and slaps your ass. you’re not sure if it’s the aggression or the fact that you’re nearly spent, but it’s like your orgasm is never ending. arousal pools around your abdomen as sweat clings to your skin; he won’t last much longer, but he wants to delude himself into thinking he can handle more.

“too much,” you manage to say, pussy overstimulated, sensitive, and puffy; but you still arch against him, still buck your hips backwards, enjoying the way law seems every bit as obsessed with you as you are with him. you know you’ll be sore in the morning, but it’ll be worth it; and you know that no matter what he says, you affect him more than he’s ever willing to admit publicly.

your pussy has him in a literal chokehold, which is always the case whenever he fucks you, but tonight it feels different. he’s not sure what it is, but something compels him to pull you flush against his chest. when you turn your face towards him, he kisses you, the impulse surprising both of you. he cums the moment your lips part and his tongue glides inside your mouth, artful and graceful as it caresses your tongue with familiarity. a flush takes hold of your body, making your skin hot to the touch, but he doesn’t stop kissing you; his thrusts are slower, almost sensual but he refuses to read too much into it. when he pulls away, he tries to catch his breath, heart suddenly much too big for his chest when he realizes what he just did. you don’t bother teasing him about it, as your body is currently out of commission, your thoughts obliterated of anything that isn’t related to him.

he glances down and sees the way your cum spills onto his desk, the sight burned into his mind. you don’t even remember if you locked the door when you came in — and anyone could’ve heard the way law had you screaming, the pleasure much to great to keep quiet no matter how hard you tried. he isn’t worried about that, though; he’s concerned with how he’s supposed to move forward now that he’s allowed you a bit of intimacy and vulnerability. he supposes he can think about that later, so for now he runs a hand down his face before giving your ass a playful slap and commending you for a job well done.

[airenyah]

joongdunk vampire bl when??

maybe you've already seen my post "reasons why i need a sexy joongdunk bl". and if you have, then maybe you remember the bonus vampire section at the end

well, i've decided to start collecting vampire mentions here in this own separate post. here i will collect instances where either joong or dunk actually utters the word "vampire" but i will also include things somewhat adjacent to vampires (looking at you, lol fanfast 2023 dum dum neck biting action 👀)

i'll keep updating this post with every future vampire mention that i happen to come across. if you happen to find a vampire mention that is not yet in this post but you think it should be on the list, then do feel free to send me a link to it and i might just add it!! some of them, esp the vampire-adjacent things will be added based on vibes (my vibes, that is. it's my post so i get to put in it whatever the fuck i want)

like this one for example:

[hidden agenda ep12 pt4 (3:25); (24.09.2023)]

like yeah i know this one doesn't really count bc those are just some lines in a series from one fictional character to another fictional character that just happens to be played by dunk but like!! is it not true!! being a vampire (on tv) is dunk's dream job, is it not!!!

1. they WANNA play vampires

no but seriously tho, dunk wants to play a vampire, he explicitly said so:

[dunk x tops; (30.09.2023)]

and so did joong, for that matter:

[l'officiel hommes thailand: "the act of being myself" | translation; (08.12.23)]

[joong's 23rd birthday event; (17.03.2024)] (extended gifset here)

2. dum dum

now, the dum dum performance deserves it's own little section lbr. bc seriously wtf was all that:

[LOL fanfest D1; (24.06.2023) | LOL fanfest D2; (25.06.2023)]

[arm share ep131; (02.08.2023)]

oh and make no mistake, it's not me who's making the dum dum performance about vampires, no, dunk is:

[let's talk bl s4 ep07; (16.08.2023)]

no seriously, let 👏 them 👏 play 👏 vampires!! they've already got experience in biting each other's necks!!!!

3. collection

ok from here on out i think i'll stop with the babbling and just have a collection of gifs with random vampire mentions that i'll just continue to add to this post whenever i come across more bc why the fuck not

[instagram live; (09.10.2023)]

[hidden hangout ep2; (14.11.2023)]

[original twitter thread | translation 1 | translation 2; (18.12.2023)]

context: joong asked what kind of plots fans would like to see him and dunk play

Translation/Summary:

Fan🗣️: In their past lives, Joong and Dunk were enemies who hated each other deeply. One day, a situation arose where one of them had to kill the other. However, the one who was killed (Joong) didn’t die permanently—it was more like his soul was temporarily sealed. He's been there ever since, even up to the present time. Joong☀️: Oh~ Is he still resentful? Fan🗣️: Yes, he is. He’s been sealed in the same spot for a very long time. Joong☀️: So, it’s like the vibe of an old Thai drama, right? starts singing an old Thai series opening theme Fan🗣️: Right, that kind of vibe. But this one is a fantasy genre. His soul is sealed, and we can say he became a vampire. He’s still alive but trapped—he can’t go anywhere, so he keeps living until he can earn a wealthy life. Joong☀️: How does a vampire live his life in Thailand? Fan🗣️: He has to stay in the same place. He can’t leave the restricted zone, and he can’t be exposed to sunlight. Joong☀️: If he lives in Thailand, where would he stay? Thonglor? (a road in Bangkok known for nightlife) Fan🗣️: More like Sukhumvit. (known for luxury malls) Joong☀️: Sukhumvit Vampire? Fan🗣️: Yes~ Joong☀️: Alright, we’ve got the name of the story, everyone. Sukhumvit Vampire 😆 Fan🗣️: So, one day in the present, Dunk comes into the zone controlled by Joong, the same place where Joong’s soul has been sealed. Joong☀️: You mean Sukhumvit? Fan🗣️: Yes. And when Joong sees Dunk, he thinks, "Isn’t this the person who killed me?" Joong☀️: Oh~ So Dunk has been reborn, and Joong’s like, "The person who killed me gets to be reborn, but I’m stuck here." Fan🗣️: Exactly! It’s like, "I’ve been stuck here for so long, while the country has advanced so much, and I’m still trapped." Joong☀️: So I’m the vampire, right? Fan🗣️: Yes, and Dunk killed you. But you can switch roles if you want, I’m not strict about it. I just want this kind of plot. Joong☀️: So, the story is that when they meet, Joong wants to kill Dunk for revenge. But then suddenly, he realizes, after Dunk's rebirth, that Dunk is actually pretty handsome! HAHAHAHA 🤣🤣 Fan🗣️: He believes that killing the person who killed him will break the curse and free him from the place where he’s sealed. Joong☀️: Will monks come at the end and tell us not to seek revenge anymore? 😆 Fan🗣️: No, at the end, they just stab each other to death. Joong☀️: Huh? Really? Do they actually kill each other, or do they hesitate because they’ve fallen in love? Fan🗣️: Actually, I was planning for them to kill each other, but then they realize there was a reason why they have to kill each other in the first place (since their past life). So, the reason is… Joong☀️: Fighting over bubble tea. Fan🗣️: Okay, Joong. Delicious 😂

[joong twitter space (back-up link); (22.09.2024) | translation 1 | translation 2]

[determinate-negation]

i know new york being the ancestral homeland of jews is a joke but as a jew from europe it literally feels that way. like i cannot imagine like a whole street written in hebrew. like i want to go there just to see that. i dont think jews inthe united states are aware of how good they have it

i do want to note that america is also a settler colonial state and its only because of specific american aims of the settler project and material realities of the economy and the physical land they were trying to settler that theyve had this “melting pot” ideology where jews were incorporated similarly to italian and irish immigrants, instead of continuing to have deeply ingrained religious and cultural antisemitism like europe. there were in some periods of us history more restrictions on jewish immigration and some institutional barriers for jews, especially before and during ww2, but never to the same degree as europe. although american jews were rarely (if ever, i dont know any examples but there could be some) violent genocidal settlers like the anglos and generally migrated later, we were still settlers searching for economic interests provided by american expansion on native land. that being said were here now and have the status of any other american settler (meaning people who arent indigenous or descended from enslaved people brought here against their will) most indigenous theorists and activists maintain that they want sovereignty, reparations, companies to stop destroying native land, etc, not every american settler to leave. i really believe that the united states also must fall, but i dont think this makes us like not belonging, at least any more than the other settlers.

i just want to say this to explain that my love for new york and the east coast us is complex. objectively the multicultural and cosmopolitan aspects of nyc that make it unique are products of american imperialism– for example nyc is the most linguistically diverse city in the world! over 600 languages are spoken here, including languages that arent spoken anywhere else anymore, but think about why that is. and the flourishing of jewish communities and culture in parts of the us was a product of specific historic processes and policies, and we like any other descendants of settler-immigrants have to grapple with that. i think its possible to oppose and fight against american imperialism and settler colonialism and still deeply appreciate the contradictory aspects of culture in america. (which lbr all the dynamic and interesting and worth preserving things about american culture were not created by anglos, but by outsiders and oppressed people) anyways this is all just to say im really not coming at it from a nationalist perspective but a diaspora perspective but yeah, new york is such a jewish city its genuinely incredible. this is why i especially despise tri state area zionists... youre ignoring that you live in the greatest place in the world for jews. literally the most jewish city in the world. like theres a moving company called schleppers here, yiddish words are part of everyones dialect, you can get the best jewish food everywhere from delis that are like 100 years old, we literally have a truck called the mitzvah tank that chabad drives around and asks people on the street if theyre jewish. the only romaniote synagogue in the western hemisphere is here and they have a greek jewish festival every year (which unfortunately is always covered in israeli flags -_-) the whole foods by one of my work sites had a sign up for yom kippur catering because the neighborhood is so jewish.

jewish culture and history and jews in general are just part of the fabric of life in new york. also whatever street youre talking about was probably written in yiddish since thats what most of the hassidic jews speak here! nyc has the largest concentration of yiddish speakers, which isnt surprising, and its the 8th most spoken language in nyc. theres also a big and still growing bukharian community here too. if you ever can, i really recommend visiting new york. theres so much jewish culture and history here. a lot of american jews live much more isolated, so i cant speak for them, but for many parts of the north east i feel that were lucky. antisemitism exists here but idk ive grown up in pretty jewish areas and never really experienced it. europe sounds legitimately shitty. also... fun fact, netanyahu went to high school in the suburbs outside of philly

^my photos in the lower east side, and heres some photography of hassidic williamsburg too

also williamsburg

[doubledyke]

What do you think would happen immediately after BPS? How would all the parents personaly react to their disappeared and returning children? The kids would really ever throw a party, or just have to fix all the wrecks and be grounded? And Edd and Eddy would even have a face-to-face good conversation about their adventure and what they learned?

I think Eddy would need a validation from Edd more than ever, and the fear they could have lost each other would let them even more attached.

i had detailed ass theories written out for each kid as to what lies they could tell their parents and what the likelihood was that they'd be believed, etc. and then i realized that it could all be solved with a simple phone call from one parent to another lmao. and lbr, the chances that someone's kid is gonna be gone all night and they're not gonna flip the fuck out are slim to none. outside of a couple exceptions of course. i felt like a moron so i didn't include it here. i guess i like to pick and choose when to adhere to cartoon logic 😂

anyway i do think the non-ed kids would get into trouble and be grounded for varying lengths of time. they might have just enough time to have a little kiki in the lane before heading home and getting dragged inside by the ear/bear hugged/further ignored.

one exception might be rolf, because i don't think it'd be entirely out of the norm for him to be gone all night on occasion. maybe he had an urban ranger camping trip that his nana forgot to tell his parents about, or had to chase down an escaped animal into the wee hours of the morning. he enters the house, clearly disheveled and sweating nervously, but probably gets nothing but a fine howdy do from everyone inside.

eddy would be grounded for a comically short period of time because he's a spoiled brat. a couple of days tops. it's really only an attempt by his parents to appease the angry mob. all the other parents know he's the little shit stirring ring leader and berate his guardians accordingly. regarding his absence, he tells them he and the boys rode out the storm in the van and that they were fine. he accepts his punishment because telling them what really happened means telling them he visited his brother and that WOULD get his ass in big trouble. legal stuff, you know. as far as any takeaway he might have... let's be real here, eddy's still the same ole eddy at this point. i don't think the full weight of what just happened has hit him quite yet. he's still reeling about being invited to kev's for jawbreakers and whatever else preteens who don't really like each other do for funsies. i do think that while he's spending aaaaaall that time alone (again, 2 days max), in between trying on outfits for that party at kevin's, the image of edd standing up to his brother does cross his mind. edd, the coward. edd the wimp, stood up to his tormentor. and got swiftly beaten into the ground for it. yet still ran over to make sure he was okay after ed essentially saved his life. ed the dolt. ed the idiot was the one to think of pulling out the pin (literally), and blasting his abuser with a face full of door. i think the guilt, shame and embarrassment would hit him hard, along with a lot of weird mushy stuff that he doesn't really know what to do with. so he doesn't do anything with it. not immediately anyway. but i've already talked about post bps eddy a bit so i'll leave it at that.

i've seen people say that edd's parents wouldn't even notice that he was gone overnight, because... so were they. and yall know i'm the #1 hater of edd's parents so of course i agree lol. if word gets back to them somehow though, i imagine them being very passive aggressive about it. shocking, i know. i feel like they'd go their usual route and punish him by not talking to him - as in not even leaving sticky notes around the house. except for one that says something along the lines of "dear eddward, you are not to leave the house today, as you are hereby grounded until further notice." along with a scroll of chores of course. but yeah they make him wait around and wonder when he'll be able to see his friends again. probably a good few weeks or so. i've always had the headcanon that eddy would be banned from edd's house and maybe this is when that happens as well. if word doesn't get back to them- which is more likely imo because they're so elusive that no one knows how to contact them - i think edd could likely have a bit of a meltdown over their indifference. not to mention the guilt he feels in either scenario. for starters, he feels like he simply must tell someone what he's just witnessed- especially as a future mandated reporter... nah i'm kidding but i do think he'd want to tell an adult what happened to his dearest friend. but he knows it would only compound eddy's grief. outside of that, there's the fact that he feels that he never received a comeuppance of his own. eddy got thrashed by his so-called "hero" in front of his peers, and if his previous punishments are any indication, ed is very likely enduring what can only be described as suburban confinement for the foreseeable future. he, on the other hand, has gotten away with a horrible deed, with more than a year's worth of horrible deeds without so much as a scowl from his parents. he has to fight tooth and nail to resist his compulsion to confess his wrong doing, directly this time. cuz the confessional he wrote at the beginning of this ordeal is still on his desk when he gets home. it's kind of like when people say "at least if you're angry, i know you care", but magnified 100x for his entire life. i think this is when the switch kinda flips for him and he has to come to terms with the fact that his parents are at best, extremely cold and aloof. and at worst, knowingly neglectful. either will be hard for him to accept of course, because he's got an image in his mind already of what "true" neglect looks like:

ed's going in the hole, man. it's the cliche where his parents fawn over sarah and are so thankful that she's okay and "you had us worried sick, missy". only to turn to their other child who was also missing for 24 hours and proceed with the finger wagging and reprimanding. i don't think sarah would rat him out though. in fact at this point she might even try to stick up for her now suddenly not so bad older brother. but to no avail. in fact, it makes his mom angrier - she must have hit her head if she's sticking up for her troublemaking brother. "you see, edward? your erratic behavior has finally landed your little sister in the hospital. hope it was worth it." as far as they're concerned, ed put sarah in grave danger by running away. he was a terrible influence, and for that he's gotta be made an example of... to himself? i'm gonna venture a guess here that dad'll be taking the stairs again. he also boards up the basement window. they take his tv, his tapes, his comics, and all his model making supplies. his mom wanted to take his gravy tub but dad insisted it was too much of a hassle. luckily for him though, they can't take that vivid imagination of his. he spends the next two weeks staring at the ceiling, coming up with a storyline for his own comic, which he starts working on as soon as his belongings are returned. it ends up being sooner than he anticipated. he was told it'd be a month, but his mom is sick of looking at the box of his crap in their bedroom closet, so he's off the hook early. lucky feller. next time he runs away though, he's making extra sure sarah doesn't follow.

obviously i think edd and eddy, really all three eds are going to be even closer than they were before their little excursion. but i think it takes time for eddy to mature enough to truly grasp how meaningful it all was. like he knows, but admitting it is corny af. edd is probably gonna be so preoccupied with deconstructing his relationship with his parents that he's a somewhat aloof for a period. there's also a rumbling within ed, especially after seeing sarah's attempt at defending him. i don't really know what conclusion he comes to except that if he wants even a chance at having a good relationship with his sister, he's gotta get the fuck out of there asap. i do think he'd start "running away" more often, possibly staying with eddward during his burgeoning rebellion, or from time to time, eddy. maybe even rolf. he might also sleep in the van when the weather allows. anything to be away from that hell hole. i wrote in my fic that he'd move out and live with may at age like, 17 i think? literally as soon as possible lol.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

The first idea for a Worm fanfic that I had, before I even started reading Worm (remember, my entry into Worm was reading about Worm and the controversy about Amy in Ward and yada yada), but while I was reading Worm Fanfic, was an Amy Dallon Peggy Sue fic, but one a bit different from the small handful that I'd found and that hadn't lasted long.

Namely, I wanted one where after the end of Worm (i.e. after restoring Vicky's body and mind, or at least as much as she could, unwretching her, etc) Amy actually does leave Vicky alone, apart from a handful of times where they might accidentally end up in the same space during hero crises in the years after Gold Morning, etc. Eventually Amy moves extra far away from Vicky to reduce those chances.

The actual story opens with Amy on the eve of her 30th birthday. She's had a metric ton of Therapy, though she's hardly some perfectly functional person. She heals for a living, but to satisfy Shaper she has a whole greenhouse of modified plants and she only heals like 2-3 hours a day, barring emergencies. (Also, it's easier to do a task you hate - like healing - if you're getting paid a substantive wage for it, lbr). Anyway, Amy knows Vicky has ever right to not forgive her, given the mind influence and the rape (remember, hadn't read Worm at this point when the idea formed in my mind) and the wretching and stuff, but she can't help but want for her and Vicky to be able to be sisters again. She just doesn't act on that.

And then like, she opens an envelope as she walks into her home and it's an old picture from an old newspaper of Vicky and Amy as Glory Girl and Panacea from some publicity thing and she expresses some wish about if she could do it all again...

And then the next day, wakes up in her younger body, in her room at the Dallon house, back in 2011... the day after the Bank (i.e. the day the Undersiders face Bakuda at the storage place). Obviously at first it's a dream or a nightmare to her, etc etc, she's conflicted when she realizes it's real because now she can be sisters with Vicky again and make sure she never hurts her like she did but she still carries around all the guilt about what she did and feels like she believes she doesn't deserve to have that relationship with past Vicky (I have this whole vision of an early scene from Vicky's POV where she hears Amy going 'no, no, no, no' in her room - which is Amy realizing this isn't a dream and she's freaking out - and then Vicky, worried for Amy bursts in, breaking the door, Aura going wild and Amy feels fear (because the few times she and Vicky interacted after she dewretched her had Amy feeling fear from Vicky's aura) and Vicky realizes Amy is afraid of her, which of course makes Vicky wonder wtf is going on.

Anyway, cue Amy having to try and help save the world and prevent some of the shit that happens to Brockton Bay while only knowing some of what happened, so her ability to make things go better is limited. And wanting to maybe not have as many people die when they beat Scion this time and also maybe Taylor doesn't die, etc. Of course once she starts changing stuff unintended consequences, etc, etc.

And like, key to this fic would be all the guilt Amy carries around about raping Vicky.

And while I knew that the 'Amy raped Vicky' reading of the story was controversial and seen as a retcon by some, I wanted to work with it for this specific fic because it seemed like it would allow some really cool pathos and angst and dramatic reveals and stuff.

But having read 15.x now, I sit here and like - I cannot for the life of me see how to construct a chronicle of events using what we know of what happened where Amy's rape of Vicky actually works and makes sense and feels like something the character actually does.

15.x just... no. There's nothing there to work with.

Which kind of kills the entire idea as I conceived of it, since a key scene I had in mind did involve Amy trying to explain what happened to past Vicky - not giving excuses at all, just laying out what happened to get from point A (OG Amy as of the start of Worm) to point B (The girl who raped her sister)

(I have this vision in mind where Vicky is interrogating Amy trying to figure out what is going on with her [including an accusation of Amy being a stranger], eventually Amy mentions the 'I'm from the future' but Vicky's like 'why are you afraid of me and won't let me hug you and stuff' and Amy's like 'future you hates me for good reason' Vicky demands to know why, Amy, in a fit of high emotion and guilt and so forth screams 'I RAPED YOU!' and after bluescreening for a moment Vicky goes 'wait, so future me hates you because some sick, twisted Master controlled you and forced you to-' because of course Vicky of that point in time can't conceive of Amy ever doing that to her of her own free will and Amy is like 'No, no, you don't get to do that, I did that to myself too much in the past, but it's not true, as much as I might wish it was' or something)

But like, having read 15.x I try to imagine that scene now, Amy explaining the train of events from Bonesaw to Wretching and... I just can't quite figure out how it works.

I mean, if I ever write this and get that far, I can probably try to construct something (if I do write this, it won't be the first Wormfic I write) but like, when the idea first came to me, I knew that there was enough ambiguity in the text that large swaths of the readership genuinely didn't walk away from Worm thinking an actual physical sexual rape happened, but I figured there was something to work with, and there just really isn't.

[t4tozier]

in the hot for teacher verse do you have a desc doc for what you think the rat grinders look all human? :)

i don't have a specific doc for it because the first chapter was truly just vibes and i didn't expect to be writing more about them, but i do have some ideas in mind! the humanoids are pretty generally the same so for fun i'll give you some facts about all of them in the verse as well! putting this under the cut because it got quite long.

oisin: i was originally picturing him as black w locs, skinny teen who beefed up over the previous summer (lowkey wendell from nsbu before wendell existed) but i was mulling it over earlier and i actually really love the idea of samoan oisin?? he comes back from visiting his family over the summer and has gained so much muscle and fat and got some pe'a and everyone thinks he's so cool for it. he's got long hair that is usually up in a bun. probably also shoots up to 6'2, 6'3".

he's into manga. people who don't know him think he's really intimidating but he's the sweetest guy ever. ivy brings out the bitch in him lbr but for the most part he's just a really buff nerd. am i just describing ify nwadiwe. i swear it's not intentional.

ivy: i don't have a specific race for her but described her in got it bad as olive-skinned, brown hair with blonde highlights. i think she gets the chunky bleach highlights that were popular in like 2020-21. oisin is definitely the tallest of all of them, lucy the tallest of the girls, but ivy's probably second/third-tallest at around 5'8, 5'9.

she runs an anonymous aguefort confessions blog and has a viral tiktok account that mainly went viral as a result of the jace (and porter) videos. jace always says she's gotta quit with the gossip but will still ask her about it he's the worst enabler. she does archery and rides horses at aguefort! she transferred in middle school and everyone was very intrigued by her because she's british. they kept asking her if she's met the queen. she just started saying yes eventually.

lucy: since i made porter a white southern guy lucy is also white and southern by default. i think that she doesn't have the accent her uncle has because her dad married a new englander, so instead she's got this southern/new england mix that leaves her pronouncing certain words very oddly. she still has vitiligo--instead of gray hair she's got light brown with patches of white, and maybe a port wine stain on her face. she's about 5'11" - both of her parents are very tall so she inherited her height from them.

she got bullied pretty badly in elementary school and middle school. she is very sensitive and cries with basically every emotion so it can be hard to determine why she's actually crying if it's not obvious. she's not good at standing up for herself but her friends will hunt a bitch down for her. she will cry if you kill a bug instead of letting it outside. grew up knowing porter's best friend jace bc he gets brought to all the family events and was very grateful when he didn't make anyone call him mr stardiamond when they started his class because that would've been a weird switch to make.

mary ann: shortest one of the group at just around 5 feet. black, box braids with little charms on the ends, braces. her favorite outfit is overalls and her pink hoodie that she's been wearing for years on end because it's been washed so many times it's the perfect texture. between her height, her clothes, and being quiet and autistic, she gets infantilized a ton and she hates it so she will sometimes overcompensate by making dirty jokes at inappropriate times.

she's usually of the mindset that if someone isn't speaking directly to her or talking about something she's interested in she probably doesn't really need to join in the conversation. she was one of those toddlers who didn't speak until she could say a full sentence. she's the first girl on the football team--nobody thinks that she's gonna be any good but she's small enough that she just kind of darts between all the players and can hold her own more than people think.

buddy: truly just the same. sorry buddy i have nothing special for you. he's like 5'7". his grandpa runs the town's megachurch and he keeps trying to get everyone to come with him. he sort of latched onto their group but he genuinely is nice he's just also brainwashed so they haven't like actively tried to kick him out. i think that after spending enough time with them all he gets more chill especially because they call him out when he says something outright fucked up and he likes being friends with them so he wants to not offend them--it's just that he genuinely doesn't think he's saying anything wrong.

kipperlilly: also looks relatively the same but slightly taller, probably like 5'3". she and jace bond over having the same clothing organization app. she doesn't wear the prep-school kind of stuff she wears in canon but it's definitely still very clean, she probably irons everything. type a but not as much Like That.

jawbone realizes the conflict of interest when she starts talking about her anger issues and hating the others and actually has a parent teacher conference to recommend external therapy. can often be found with her journal after that. she and riz are in competition to see how many more ap credits they can gain than each other. rarely seen without lucy by her side. they have a homoerotic relationship for years because neither of them realize that they're more than girl best friends (and lucy's uncle porter always has his best friend everywhere, that's how adults are!)

ruben: i'm thinking he's maybe mixed, black and hispanic? he's got frizzy curls because he's much more invested in writing songs on his ukulele than paying attention to the right products for his curl pattern. he also has braces and mourns when his tooth gap closes because he can't whistle as well. 5'4".

he thinks it's the coolest thing to have his uncle work at the school and he and lucy bond over it even though he doesn't actually take his uncle henry's classes. he's part of the school band and plays in the orchestra for the theatre department - in addition to the ukulele he also plays acoustic guitar and piano.

[decepti-thots]

Really enjoy your post about Optimus holding onto skewed views of his relationships. I think a lot about how soon he started calling Megatron a friend when they interacted maybe twice and said interactions weren't exactly pleasant. How he undermined Bee and treated him as just another politician while calling him friend. How we don't really see him have much of a personal or pleasant relationship with Prowl and he calls him friend. There's so much distance between Optimus and the people important to him, and we know he knows that, but he doesn't talk as if that distance is there most of the time. By the end of IDW1 it really felt like he didn't have any friends at all even though a lot of characters would probably say otherwise. The character we see have the most significant legitimate friendship with Optimus (in my opinion) is Senator Shockwave. And even he had ulterior motives.

This is EXCELLENT anon, exactly right IMO. A lot of the Megatron-Optimus stuff in particular I think is a peculiar byproduct of phase two writers (lbr, mostly Roberts) attempting to make IDW Megatron-Optimus into something that more strongly resembles the kind of dramatic narrative that exists in other continuities but realistically just does not make sense in IDW at that point; obviously the easy one to point at is TFP, but actually this also is a situation where Marvel G1 and G1 generally actually does also have that vibe, if you take into consideration the lesser-known prose stories for Marvel especially. And it has this fascinating knock-on effect in IDW of creating the dynamic you're highlighting here, which honestly is much more interesting than if Optimus had had those genuinely close relationships, and which I think Barber is able to kind of work with more deliberately in his later work in the comics. He's constantly trying to create these connections retroactively, to fill a gap because the gap exists in the first place. Hell, at one point in the exRiD/OP stuff he calls Soundwave 'old friend', and like. They are not old friends. But Optimus certainly would have known of Soundwave, and you can see how the narrative would get constructed, out of the need to have some kind of interpersonal continuity he would otherwise totally lack. It's like he so lacks strong interpersonal relationships he substitutes symbolic ones by way of the war, almost. It's all he has after a certain point! Those ideological touchstones, in place of actual connections, some of it self imposed, some of it externally forced on him.

A lot of the real tail-end stuff with Optimus in IDW is about constructed narratives and their power and how they can constrict the people trying to live within them, and I think it fits perfectly with this, honestly. IDW Megatron and Optimus weren't ever actually friends, but they both understand how they could have been, and in their own way they both try and create narratives in their post-war lives that allow them to explore that now they've made themselves into people who cannot properly connect to anyone around them. (I really dislike the LL 'Megatron goes off to the functionist universe' stuff for various reasons, but one thing I actually do think is potentially fascinating is the way it allows him to live out a fantasy of actually knowing Orion, just because it highlights how he never did in the way the audience might assume by default.) And even pre-war, the way Orion lived his life- essentially as someone who did not understand his own complicity in the downfall of things and the structures of corrupt power until it was too late- did not create any long-term interpersonal connections. He can mostly only imagine them. He wants them, but he can't find a way to make them, so he tries to turn those imagined connections into reality just by saying them.

And again, it's definitely accidental, but it's weirdly fitting that the one other character he actually does have any canonical basis for an 'old friend' thing with... leaves. Which is Ratchet. It's weirdly fitting I think that Ratchet, who actually knew him in some intimate capacity pre-war, who is his old friend, is the person who is explicitly like 'no, I can't stay here anymore because there's no room for me' and leaves him, not unkindly, but definitively.

[ultfreakme]

your post about sokka's sexism arc is so fucking real because the way people were mad about it is crazy. that arc could work in the sense that it's clearly something specific to sokka rather than a southern water tribe thing but like. does everyone forget how dumb and over-the-top it is in the original show in a way that, like you said, doesn't even make sense? it was clearly only meant to be an obstacle for the kyoshi warriors episode, so toning it down is not that big of a problem. especially since native fans have expressed their dissatisfaction with the original show's representation of their cultures anyway. the real enemy is whatever they've done with katara's and aang's arcs lmao

Sword and Pen Reflections made a really good point about how in the cartoon, the shift from "women are only good for household chores" to wearing a women's uniform and never being sexist again in like, 3-4 hours at most was too quick. It works in a cartoon because cartoon is all about exaggeration, but when a live action is involved you immediately implement real life social rules so even if Sokka's arc was one-for-one, it'd have actually been worse because like which man in reality has ever switched that fast? And yeah lbr the OG was not good indigenous or native culture rep of any kind.

A lot of people who went to the premiere and big name youtubers like The Avatarist and Antonine Bandele have said that the one-to-one copy shots were actually doing worse in capturing the essence of the original in comparison to the modified shots.

I think, considering the pacing and the fact that it's live action, the changes that seem egregious for the og show, might actually benefit the live action. Example, I know people were freaking out over it being said that the number of times Aang enters the avatar state has been cut down. Which, fair. But in the live action, ep 1 goes through the first 3 episodes. So he's in the avatar state thrice; when he bursts out of the iceberg, fight with Zuko, the Southern Air Temple.

The specialty of the Avatar state was its rarity, and it feels more rare when it's episode by episode in the OG but doing it three whole times in one episode of the LA would just leave people confused.

A lot of the Aang and Katara changes, I think, are going to be done to take into consideration pacing and medium. I really haven't heard anything too bad wrt Katara, though I am a little miffed about a couple of Aang changes, but I don't think it's going to make character arcs crumble.

We'll know soon anyways, Feb 22nd is soon approaching and we can finally make our judgements for sure then.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

This will be my one and only post on the subject of post-s3 canon-compliant Hannigram...

...unless ofc the show gets renewed, which, at this point--it won't, lbr. Martha de Laurentiis was the show's champion and navigator of the rights issues, and she has literally died. If anyone else is championing it, I don't know about it. Maybe something can come through eventually as the new company leadership gets shit figured out, idk. But I'm not holding my breath.

That's the key point here which most of these asks don't seem to recognize: they want me to give an opinion on the state of the relationship, and whether or not Hannibal and Will can be together for a long term and maintain contentment in their relationship with each other: the Happy Ever After Question. But what these asks are most notably NOT doing--even though the askers always frame it as if they are--is asking me about the kind of storytelling would be likely in a continuation of the show: the Plot? What Plot? question. They want to have their plot cake and happily eat it ever after too. And it just doesn't work that way.

These are really very, very different questions. And what would happen if the show actually did come back has as much to do with what would have to happen to resurrect the show out of rights oblivion and then negotiate endless contracts AND how the creatives own lives and circumstances may have changed them and their points of view over the years, as well as the years themselves.

And because the show is very likely never coming back it's really a moot point now. Fantasize however you want. Write fic however you want. It's your damn story now, not the creatives. So in answer to the first, Happy Ever After Question, yeah, sure, why the fuck not. Let Hannigram have forever. But wait--you like plot with your porn? Then by all means give them some conflict. Tear them from the seams, their skin, their bones. Does that make you happy now?

But stop pulling down other people who are doing it in a different way than you're doing it, even if you can't understand it. Yeah, you know who you are....

As for the ~cANoN~ question, let's also be real for a second. If the show were renewed TODAY, it will have been more than a decade between seasons three and four, and Bryan Fuller has been pretty clear that Hannibal and Will are together during that time. So CAN they stay together for a period of years? Yeah, sure, why the fuck not. Obviously they HAVE.

But also--if the show were to come back, would they be destined for angsty shit and conflict and, yanno, PLOT? Again, obviously. It's a ridiculous notion that the show would continue without it. Flip side of that, though, is the equally ridiculous notion that seems to be floating around that if they can't be Disney princesses in their happily-ever-after together, then they can't be together at all, or at least, not for long. That's also absurd.

So let's touch base with what we know, and not what we each individually prefer.

Let's pretend--perhaps ambitiously--for a minute that if the show did ever come back it would be following the plan that we were left off with. It would stretch into 3 more seasons, with Cuban, Korean, and Cajun dishes iirc for episode titles. Bryan Fuller was pretty clear that season four would dive into an untapped portion of the books, revisit season one in a "really interesting way," and be pitched as Angel Heart meets Inception. Will might achieve happiness but not till the ending of the whole thing. That's what we know. Sorry I can't cite any of this; I haven't looked up a Hannibal article in half a decade.

So, leaving aside specifics and just getting to the question at hand, what we do know from season 1 is that Hannibal and Will were together. So, logically, they're probably together in any theoretical season 4. And OF COURSE they would be--they just spent all of S3 apart. You gotta vary this shit up. And they have to have internal and external conflicts, because writing 101. And the internal conflicts are meaningless--as would be all the rest of the preceding show--unless they're deeply and passionately invested in and love each other. That was the whole frickin' point of S3.

I don't honestly even understand how any of this is a question or a debate. Why are y'all even arguing in this the year of our lord almost 2024, and making me grumpy by sending me endless asks about stuff that's been answered for years and years. Why did I have to read with my OWN TWO EYES that someone who joined the fandom in 2016 (!!!) is so #FandomOld that people are afraid to argue with them????

...

So, y'all, this is all I'm willing to say about a potential continuation and ending of the show:

In a simple sense, the pattern the show was setting up is S1 & S4 Hannigram is together and solving crimes (at least in some weird Angel Heart way), S2 & S5 is semi-together, semi-apart Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane thing (with other stuff), and S3 & S6 on-the-run culminating in Something Big (probably at least partially apart). That doesn't mean this is the way the show would go, but it'd be very easy to write Clarice or an expy coming into the story to chase them down and end up mentored by them (either one or both) with this format.

As for the very final ending of the whole thing, the ending *I* would write may not be the same as what Bryan Fuller would write, but to me it seems both obvious where the show should go and that it would be completely and utterly satisfying to shippers and non-shippers alike. And I have run my theoretical ending by devout Hannigram shippers, and it met their approval. So if I can come up with something that both works for them and works for my sense of completionism in storytelling, then I'm sure Bryan Fuller could. He's way more practiced than me.

I have consistently said that I do not relate to the notion that it'd be better to have them together in one's imagination than it would be to actually see Mads and Hugh acting together in the ACTUAL SHOW, regardless of how that ends. Because here's the thing: my imagination is boundless and endless, and I can get an unlimited amount of Hannigram doing whatever the fuck I please whenever the fuck I please. More show, on the other hand, is rare as hen's teeth. I would take that miracle if I could get it.

The End.

[soleilnomoon]

Prompt: “I don’t like them; I can barely tolerate them.” for Abarai Renji. Once again, I leave it up to you what you wanna do (but maybe enemies to lovers) Yes, I might be on a little Bleach binge right now but it's okay you like it. kiss kiss

*hides face* ok, ok, ok, hear me out, let's pretend i didn't take *insert accurate length of time here* and say i wrote this in a few days. i am so sorry i took forever and ever with this but as u know i can only give u top quality work or else i'll never forgive myself. renji is.......well *motions to him* yk how that man is, he made me suffer!!!! in a good way!!! but still i suffered!!! yk how much i love enemies 2 lovers u big brained beauty 🤭 so ty baby❤️️ also this is my first renji fic and i can't belev it.

5.2k words (don't look at me, just don't), fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni, enemies 2 lovers, angst city, angst angst city biiiitch (yk the vibez babey), smut obviously, no fluff bc who do u think i am? feat. renji being a mean petty bitch (i guess that makes him a mean dom maybe yes), sub reader bc that's what i want; there's a party with alcohol, ichigo and co. make brief appearances, bathroom sex, choking (he's sf romantic), a lot of cursing bc they're grown that's why, renji is a beast when he's jealous, reader is a lil bit of a brat but lbr who wouldn't be in that situation; mutual ""unrequited"" pining, lots of tension, fingering, rough (consensual) sex, lil bit of degradation, lil bit of a size kink, lil bit of praise kink, idk there's probably more stuff but i'm so tired rn i can't think; um renji obviously comes w his own gd warning; reader is determined to not let this man win but, hello, it's renji he always comes out on top wink wink. (if u see spelling errors/mistakes no u didn't hottie)

“when i write about all of this it becomes its own kind of violence. / i retell the story as myth, as if it were my own body devoured.” — caitlin scarano & “so much of love is violence. the desire / to be split open, invaded, mangled / and made new.” — erin slaughter

HATRED X TASTES X SWEET

you’ve never been cut out for this line of work, but your insistence on eliminating all your shortcomings is commendable. brave, even. it’s something you don’t really think about unless you want to spend the night half-drunk, rambling about the things you should’ve done but never had the courage to do.

like telling a certain red-haired, bullheaded lieutenant that he’s the most ridiculous and excessively arrogant man you’ve ever come across. all in all, you’re pretty sure telling him off won’t phase him; nothing ever does, not really anyway.

at first you try politeness; your grandmother would be proud of how well you’ve learned to bite your tongue. it’s ungraceful, but you fake it well enough that others think your emotional maturity is far above theirs. little do they know, you actually have to literally bite your tongue; simply remaining silent isn’t easy for you anymore. so, when you bite, it’s with rage, months of unshed tears and accumulated spite; you bite your tongue so hard you bleed more every time.

your unsaid words bunch together — tiny soldiers determined to strike in unison without fail — and sit heavily in the back of your throat, ready to launch forward at your command.

but you never say them, and you choke more than once; an unbearable shame to carry with you as he continues to slash at your patience, thin ribbons cascading off you like confetti. you wonder if your anger will lead to your death— or if it’ll lead to his. you intend to keep all of that hidden, though, and keep reminding yourself that eventually he will tire from berating you, from talking to you as if you’re the most incompetent being in all of soul society, from looking at you like your very being disgusts him.

that’s what you tell yourself these days. you like to conveniently ignore the way his dark eyes linger on yours during meetings — you’ve noticed that people have taken to describing them as soulless, cold and critical, unimpressed at everything and anyone.

but you see him — all of him; the raw, feral, powerful and severe side that not many have the misfortune of knowing. they think they get the real version of renji whenever they deal with him, but they never do; you know that now. you doubt it’s even intentional on his part, or maybe — just maybe — he really does hate you.

to put it plainly, as you’ve told rukia and rangiku, the sixth division lieutenant has the biggest fucking chip on his shoulder. despite the walls he continues to put up to keep others from carving out a place for themselves in his life, despite the way his words roll around his mouth, clumsily coasting down the length of his tongue before they pierce the air around you with their toxicity — you’re tired of the way he purposely singles you out time and time again to point out your inadequacies without remorse.

abarai renji is also sick of dealing with you. whenever he thinks he’s found a means of scaring you off, you scurry right back more determined and more obnoxious than ever. which is rich, coming from him.

he claims you’re inconsequential, a nuisance — a pest, even — one that he intends to get rid of permanently. it’s harsh and he’s more than aware of that, but he finds that this is the most appropriate solution to his problem. he could easily ignore you; he could try to keep his comments to himself and try to be somewhat cordial whenever you cross paths. but he won’t. and he has no damn idea why.

“no, no come in, i have plenty of snacks for everyone.”

rukia’s voice is a constant in his life that he’ll always be thankful for. he watches her glide into the room, grinning at the friends she’s invited over, her laughter like soft bells that is easily recognizable even with all the conversation happening. when he feels his chest constrict, an uncomfortable, yet familiar warmth stretching over his skin, he decides to drink so that he can ignore the sensation and forget.

a feeble attempt, because he knows how this will all end — with him drunk off his ass in an even worse mood than he started.

mouth opening, renji prepares to tell rukia to get better sake, when rangiku leads you into the living room where he’s lounging comfortably. the bottle in his hand grows heavier by the second and suddenly he’s not very interested in drinking anymore. already, his foul mood from earlier returns, and every step you take only fuels his irritation; it bubbles underneath his skin, making him frown and grip the bottle tighter.

you don’t need to look at him to know that he’s glaring at you — he always is. rangiku feigns obliviousness as she encourages you to go make yourself comfortable while she fetches snacks with rukia. you stare at both of them, wide-eyed, confused — a pleading look sliding onto your face after a few moments, but they assure you both that they’ll be back shortly.

with a sigh you sit on the armchair adjacent to him, determined to just remain quiet in the hopes that he’ll just ignore you for once. sitting up straight, discomfort finds its way to the pit of your stomach, swirling around as you fidget with the bracelet around your wrist. his eyes watch your movements with an obsessiveness that startles him; there’s no reason why he should be interested in the shape of your fingers, there’s no reason why he should be interested in the way you keep brushing stray curls away from your face, and there’s no reason why he should be interested in possibly fucking you when he knows for a fact that he is absolutely uninterested in you.

his disinterest runs so deep it spoils the taste of the sake, but he takes another swig anyway. the alcohol burns as it travels swiftly down his throat, and it just so happens that you glance over at him — innocuous, an attempt to gauge his annoyance level — as his throat bobs and your mouth dries at the sight.

you turn your face away quickly, a traitorous flush crawling slowly along your skin, unjustly warming your cheeks. inhaling deeply, you do your best to will the blush away to no avail. where the hell are rukia and rangiku? surely it can’t take that long to grab snacks. you’re tempted to go find them, but you have a sinking feeling that it would turn you into a coward.

and you refuse to give that man any more ammo against you.

IT’S X (NOT) X YOU

what initially starts as a small get-together, quickly turns into a party; leave it to rangiku to liven things up, her laughter infectious and whimsical, flitting about like a persistent hummingbird as she encourages everyone to play drinking games with her. experience taught him better than to engage because despite his high tolerance, there’s really no beating rangiku when she’s on a roll.

but when you emphatically agree to play with the rest, fury rises in his chest; your audacity, it seems, knows no bounds — and, yes, he understands the hypocrisy in his critique. he just doesn’t care.

the games are every bit as simple and ridiculous as you thought they’d be, but as everyone seems to be in relatively good spirits, you play along. not normally competitive with things like this, you get into the swing of things when you win round after round.

cheers resound nearby at your success, but throughout the evening, you feel renji’s stare and do everything in your power to not give in and look back at him. a tough feat to say the least, as you are always acutely aware of his presence; and when you do happen to sneak another glance, his legs are spread and you curse under your breath for finding that attractive.

foolish, you chide, so fucking foolish.

renji sucks his teeth as he feels a heaviness in his head; groaning loudly he swirls around what little sake he has left in his glass before finishing it.

“you lose again,” rukia’s voice is soft and teasing, but he’s annoyed and can’t be bothered with talking to her right now. she pats his shoulder gingerly before standing up to head to the kitchen. his mind is a mess and he blames you for it completely.

“i don’t fucking care,” he says gruffly to her retreating figure, not bothering to elevate his voice as he’s sure she heard him. and he really doesn’t care; he’s trying to tell himself to calm down, but he can’t.

the fault completely lies with you — of course it does, everything you do agitates every cell in his body. the reason is simple, and he hates that he doesn’t want to admit it — he’s so undeniably attracted to you that it pisses him off. he takes in your appearance for the twelfth time that night, admiring the softness of your cheeks, the fullness of your lips, the way you seem entirely too animated as you laugh at someone’s lame joke — and yes, he can tell it’s not funny from how your laughter dies down after a few seconds.

if he had better sense, he’d stop looking at you, but he can’t now; he might blame the sake for this later.

the intensity behind his gaze is enough to bring an inextinguishable heat along your skin. it’s only unpleasant because it travels down to your lower abdomen and brings about an agonizing ache between your thighs. at first, you do the sensible thing and ignore it; but the longer he stares, the more you want to look over, until finally you can’t take it anymore.

“i’ll be back,” you mumble to the other guests, although you doubt they hear you with how rowdy everyone is being; the noise isn’t unwelcomed, the distraction serves to mask your footsteps when you scurry from the living room to the back corridor, turning corner after corner until you find the bathroom.

a coward — that’s what you are.

you barricade yourself in there without thinking, heart pounding loud enough to disorient you. after several long minutes, you splash water on your face and take a few deep breaths.

“i can’t believe i ran away,” your voice is so soft you barely hear the words — almost as if you’re still in disbelief over the entire situation. there’s something off about renji tonight; the tension between you was more palatable and tangible than normal.

even though you feigned nonchalance as best as you could, there were so many moments where you couldn’t help but watch him too. pitiful. absolutely pitiful. there’s no excuse for it, and yet you struggle to find one anyway.

as you look at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, you try to convince yourself to head back out there. sooner or later, people will realize that you’ve gone missing — and rangiku is nosy enough and like a bloodhound when she’s drunk. your time is incredibly limited now.

there’s no reason for you to continue to avoid the inevitable, so you sigh and give yourself a small pep talk before heading back outside.

TRUTH X OR X …

renji’s mood doesn’t improve at all; in fact, it worsens the moment ichigo sits right next to him. he’s not even sure why this sets him off, but even closing his eyes and counting backwards does nothing to keep him calm.

with slight difficulty, renji grits out, “what do you want?”

undeterred, ichigo stares at renji pointedly, voice steady as he says, “you could go after her, you know.”

again, renji sucks his teeth loudly, arms folded against his chest, right leg bouncing slightly as he taps his foot on the floor. punching ichigo would be pointless, and then rukia would get involved and he doesn’t have time to deal with the fallout from that so he keeps his hands to himself.

besides, his anger is obviously misdirected right now. he knows — he knows —but he doesn’t care, so he doesn’t mince his words when he responds with, “go after who?” through his peripheral, he can see ichigo’s patience has also reached its limit.

“you’re not that stupid, so stop acting like it.”

normally, renji would take the opportunity to mes s around and argue back and forth, but he might actually fight his friend if he doesn’t walk away. so, he does; abrupt and without looking back, footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor.

maybe he just needs to change his approach with you, maybe talking things out would work in his favor; or maybe he needs to fuck you hard enough to purge you from his mind.

he lies to himself when he considers the first option, because it’s the second option that drives him to walk a little faster, head full of impossible thoughts as he wonders just how far you’d let him go.

when renji finally finds you, you’re in the middle of rebuffing the advances of an unfamiliar guest — they’re drunk, handsy, and keep oscillating between giving you cheesy pick-up lines and berating you for rejecting them. but you stand firm, and your voice is relatively loud when you tell them, “for the last fucking time, go away.”

under normal circumstances, renji would let you handle this yourself; he has no desire to play prince charming or be a knight in shining armor. you’re more than capable, and he’s seen the way you fight and argue to defend yourself — but, it’s when they place a wandering hand on your hip that he loses sight of all of that.

a brief moment passes, where your blood boils as you contemplate how best to kick their ass, but you never get the chance. a rather large shadow hovers over you both, but you already know who it is without having to look properly.

renji is a force to be reckoned with on a good day, but he’s at his fucking limit right now.

he doesn’t ask, doesn’t give any options for retreat, doesn’t say a word when he yanks them off with a brute strength that surprises even you.

now, can he really be blamed for throwing them into the neighboring wall hard enough to make a noticeable hole? and is it really his fault that the drunk can hardly walk as they clutch their broken arm while murmuring something unintelligible, something that renji takes as a sign of them wanting a repeat demonstration?

consequences be damned, he gives the drunk a lethal look before they scramble away in fear.

“loser,” he says loud enough for them to hear, but they don’t double back or even try to go toe-to-toe with the hot-headed lieutenant. you watch, half-amused and half-impressed with the unnecessary machismo, but still, you know better than to chastise him right now, especially when your heart sputters out of control from his proximity.

“…thanks,” you say, a faint flush on your cheeks, voice soft, head fuzzy when you realize that renji — aka mr. “i’ll fight you on everything any day of the week unprovoked for no reason other than to drive you crazy” — saved you. unprompted at that.

you make the mistake of looking up at him, your nerves prompting you to take a small step back when you realize that the usual hostility that renji reserves for you specifically is nowhere to be found. in its place is something more unreadable — or, rather, you don’t want to read into it for fear of being wrong.

renji steps closer, which makes you back up again until your back hits the wall and you’re no longer able to escape.

“we need to talk,” he says suddenly, but you shake your head, non-verbally objecting to the idea, curls bouncing wildly with your exaggerated movements. since he knows he’s pressed for time, he grabs your face with his large hand and stops you from moving. “that wasn’t a request.”

swallowing rusty nails would be better than dealing with your conflicting feelings over renji right now, because he’s much too close to you and now you’re forgetting why it is you hate him in the first place. ironically, he’s in the exact same position. so far, he’s acted on impulse over you more times than he can count tonight, but he supposes that’s to be expected — you are a wildcard, after all.

“what if i don’t want to.” your response is clumsy, the words tumbling one after the other. “what if i want you to leave?” you don’t actually mean that, but you throw it at him anyway, to see if maybe this was all a fluke, and maybe, just maybe he’ll remember himself and you both can go back to fighting like usual.

he considers your question, goes so far as to release your face to wrap his hand around your throat instead. your sharp inhale and parted lips tell him all he needs to know.

with a slightly raised brow, he asks, “well, do you?”

because if you do, he’ll walk away right now. but he knows what your answer will be, he just has to drag it out of you. he squeezes your neck to remind you to hurry it up, and before you can answer him properly, he places his leg in between yours, pressing close enough that you roll your hips forward while whimpering softly.

he really didn’t think any of this through, but luckily the adrenaline from it all won’t wear off anytime soon, so he’ll improvise along the way. he spent most of the night dealing with a semi-hard cock that wouldn’t listen to reason no matter how many times he tried to stop thinking about you. but now? all of that restraint goes out of the window, and before he can question it, he kisses you.

you’ve kissed plenty of people in your life — some good, most were mediocre and uninspiring — but renji actually takes your breath away. everything about him commands all your attention; from the way his lips move against yours greedily, leaving behind burning kisses that make your nipples harden underneath your clothes — to the way he thrusts his tongue in between your plush lips, licking inside of your mouth hotly, igniting an inextinguishable flame deep inside of you.

he grabs your hip with his free hand, squeezing hard, fingers digging firmly. all the irritation from earlier dissipates completely, leaving you feeling lightheaded and needy; you grind against him recklessly, arousal dampening the front of your panties, clit sensitive as it rubs against the delicate fabric. his cock presses against you — thick, long, and hard — and you wonder if this is why he’s so angry with you all the time.

was it always that simple?

if you asked the question aloud, he wouldn’t know what to tell you — it’s a combination of things, but mostly he’s an idiot; he knows that now, but likewise you’re an idiot too. you just don’t realize it yet.

it’s renji who pulls away first, lightly panting, breath warm against your lips as he releases his hold on your neck. he doesn’t know where he finds the strength to string together a coherent statement, but his voice is low and husky when he speaks. “answer my question.”

you blink at him, completely in a daze, lips slightly swollen from all the kissing. “wh-what?” you don’t remember what he asked you, and you don’t care.

“do you want me to leave?”

for some reason, you completely forgot that you told him that. you rub your lips together and run your hands along his chest. “no.” the answer comes out automatically, without hesitation, and that’s all the encouragement he needs.

“good.”

SAY X IT X LOUDER

he picks you up with ease, almost as if you weigh nothing; a small squeal spills out of you as you wrap your legs around his waist, and renji gives you a sly smile — one laced with mischief and an unspoken promise of what’s to come.

you’re back in the bathroom again, this time sitting on the counter with renji standing in between your legs. his hands coast along your curvy hips and down your thighs. he’s touching you but he’s not touching you and it’s driving you crazy.

with hurried, eager hands you both undress, and for the umpteenth time you internally curse this style of uniform; still, it doesn’t take too long before his hands are on you again, calloused palms rough and warm against your skin. he places a kiss on your jaw, then another on your neck right underneath your earlobe; each kiss he leaves behind distorts your common sense, makes you feel irrational and impatient. your hands are soft and well-practiced, stroking his stiff cock as his hips jerk forward from your touch.

he can’t remember the last time someone had him this worked up, which pisses him off a little; because that means him fucking you once won’t settle things. at that thought, renji bites your neck and your startled yelp quickly morphs into a moan when he runs his tongue along the mark. he dips his hand in between your thighs, rubbing his thick fingers against your slit. a loud banging on the door has you looking over, and you can’t remember if he bothered to lock it once you both were inside.

your attention nearly falters, but when he pinches your clit you buck your hips, a shiver shooting down your spine at the slight pain.

“eyes on me,” is all he says, seemingly annoyed that you would dare to focus your attention elsewhere, “always keep them on me.” what he means by that, he doesn’t know, but you take the command at face value and nod while swallowing. he slides a finger inside of your wet pussy, and while you initially wanted to keep quiet to avoid suspicion and to prevent anyone from intruding, but you can’t now.

“renji,” you breathe, fingers trembling as you hold onto the counter for support, he thrusts his finger in and out, quick and hard, before inserting another. you clench around him, hips rocking forward as he fingerfucks you and grinds his palm against your clit. you close your eyes and moan louder than you mean to, chest heaving, thoughts jumbled and incoherent. he scissors his fingers inside of you, but quickly removes them without prompting.

“fuck!” you open your eyes again and stare at him in disbelief. “why did you stop?”

he laughs darkly and grabs your face roughly, fingers pressing into your soft skin without remorse. “what did i tell you earlier?” everything about this situation is laughable. he gave you very specific instructions, ones he thought were easy enough for you to follow. for some reason your movements are sluggish, mind in a haze as you scramble to remember but nothing comes to mind.

as you open and close your mouth, looking every bit as adorable as you are alluring, he decides to show you a bit of kindness.

“get down.” his command comes swift, his patience practically nonexistent; precum glides down the head of his thick cock, but he ignores it for the sake of teaching you a lesson. you don’t bother waiting for him to repeat himself and slide off the counter. “turn around.”

like a doll, your movements are dictated by renji with simple, short statements. nothing about that phases you, though; it’s all very exciting, so when you do turn to face the counter, you bend forward and lean over the counter. renji admires the roundness of your ass and slaps it hard.

again, you find yourself moaning loudly, without shame and not caring about the volume of your voice. surely the others won’t pay attention, as they’re still very drunk and are entertaining themselves with more games. another slap on your ass has you grabbing onto the counter again, legs shaking, arousal dripping between your thighs in anticipation. if renji doesn’t fuck you soon, you might actually die.

he knows he’s taking too damn long, but it’s much more interesting making you work for him. he rubs the tip of his cock against your puffy pussy, gliding it in between your slick folds, your moans sweetly wrapping around him once he pushes inside of you slowly. someone bangs on the door again, making you look over, anxiety quickly filling your head with unnecessary what ifs that almost command your full attention.

with narrowed eyes, renji grabs onto your hair, curls soft in his hand, and yanks hard.

“the fuck did i say earlier?”

goosebumps travel down your arms as a different kind of awareness and clarity surges through you quickly. you blink at your reflection, watching the way he towers over you, his muscles hard and defined — sculpted from years of training and dedication to honing his skills. it hits you then, what he’s really asking you.

“to,” you swallow thickly, throat dry, “to keep my eyes on you always.” you say it all in one breath, gasping when he runs his tongue along the curve of your ear. you don’t know how much more you can take, but you know if you complain, if you say anything he might stop altogether.

renji’s smile is wicked and dark, his lips graze your earlobe, voice deep and gravelly, a huskiness that wasn’t there before as he thrusts into you, burying his cock deeply.

“good girl.”

he refrains from kissing you properly, instead pushing you down so you can lean over the counter again. your mind melts from it all, and you’re panting, heart beating faster and faster as he firmly places a hand on your back.

“you’re squeezing me so tight,” he remarks thoughtfully, although you note the slight strain in his voice; as much as he tries to act like he’s not that affected by you, you know that isn’t the case at all. your pussy is every bit as enticing and heavenly as he knew it would be; he pulls back and slams his cock into you all over again, filling you completely. you try to keep watching him in the mirror, but he’s fucking you like he’s angry with himself for being so attracted to you.

and he absolutely is. it’s a truth he fought against for so long that he’s given up on denying it now. your moans drip onto his skin like caramel, sticky and sweet, and when you say his name like that — your voice going higher and higher from the ferocity of his thrusts — he nearly loses his mind.

“fuck,” he says out loud, grabbing your hip roughly, your wetness coating the length of his cock, “you’re taking me so well.” he knows you can’t really answer him, and he likes that; you’re beyond caring at this point, instead focusing on the way his cock reaches a spot that has you bouncing your ass and fucking yourself against him. normally, renji would play around and edge you in retaliation, but he’s too far gone, completely under the spell of your pretty pussy, with how soft and tight it is.

you’re not sure how you got here, but you’re drowning in ecstasy right now. he instructs you to lift your leg to rest it onto the counter, pulling out momentarily to help you position and spread your legs further apart. he plunges his cock into you again, keeping his hips closer as he gives you shorter, frenzied thrusts. your head spins and you can’t think straight, but that doesn’t matter. all you care about is the way renji is angling his hips, rolling them forward to pound into your cunt roughly, balls heavy as they smack against your ass.

“oh, oh, oh.” you swear your life flashes before your eyes, because something possesses him, his strokes shorter, brutal, and frenetic. drool slides down your chin, your voice hoarse from how loud you’ve been. you’re sure someone’s heard you by now, but you don’t care.

how can you?

with renji fucking you like this — merciless and possessive, fingers brusing your skin, almost as if he wants to make sure you’ll be as obsessed with him as he is with you — your common decency, your morals, everything that makes you you, they don’t exist.

all that’s left is this burning desire to let him have his way with you for as long as he wants. thankfully, you have enough sense to not admit that out loud; who knows what kind smugness you’ll be subjected to if renji knew.

but you’re pretty damn transparent about it, he can tell from the way you can’t stop clenching your pussy around his cock, from how your pussy makes loud, lewd squelching noises — ones that he’ll commit to memory so he can revisit them from time to time.

tears roll down your cheeks and you sob as you hold onto the counter as best as you can, back arching, hips rocking against him with a neediness you never knew you had. there’s a tightening in your stomach and your pulse skyrocketing as a flash of white practically blinds you. he watches the way your pussy keeps swallowing the length of his cock, and you finally fall over the edge, orgasm suffocating you with its intensity.

your cunt flutters around him, gummy walls soft and hypnotic, an addiction he never thought he’d have; breathing heavily, his muscles tense and renji groans something that suspiciously sounds like your name. the thought alone makes your face burn and warms your chest in a way that doesn’t make sense. and when he finally cums, he humps into you, cum thick and hot as it spills inside your pussy, mixing with your slick wetness. a completely messy affair, but he doesn’t care — it’s not his bathroom, after all.

legs trembling, you’re limp and incapable of movement, whimpering and whining until he finally pulls out of you.

renji runs a hand down his face, feeling spent but more than satisfied. suddenly his shoulders aren’t so tight and tense, and his mood is much more tolerable. you do your best to stand but almost fall — your legs are useless, turned to jelly because of the man behind you. he chuckles at that, then clears his throat once he realizes. he fully expected there to be a moment of awkwardness after, but it never comes. when he sees your face — lips bruised and swollen, face flushed, eyes glazed with a faraway look — he feels compelled to kiss you again. so, he does. it’s not sweet, nor is it tender, but it still makes your heart swell all the same. he holds you close as you wrap your arms around his neck, doing your best to keep standing, even though your legs are ready to give out.

you don’t know exactly what any of this means, but you do understand him a bit better now. he’s terrible with expressing himself, but you kind of like that about him; and maybe this isn’t the healthiest relationship, but life was uncertain and you’d take renji fucking you like it’s his last day alive over him openly hating you any day.

[littlepetbee]

i've had the house to myself this weekend so i decided to marathon a bunch of movies that have been on my watchlist for aaages. here they are ranked bc i love making lists lmao:

Game Night: this one was far and away my favorite...it's a fun, clever mystery that's also funny as shit. rachel mcadams is the queen of comedy and also waving a loaded gun around like a crazy person. fuckin 10/10, you guys

I Love You Phillip Morris: listen. i avoid jim carrey like the plague - it's nothing personal, his face just irritates the shit out of me. but i'm SO glad i gave this one a try anyway...it was so cute and touching and gay little ewan mcgregor with his gay little earring is genuinely the softest, sweetest thing to ever exist. it makes complete sense that someone would become a conman for him lmao. 10/10

Bullet Train: thee action comedy lbr!! shoutout to @seeinhindsight for reccing this one to me. it was so well done...with all the winding storylines and running gags it easily could have been a tonal mess, but i feel like they knocked it outta the park. also the steady stream of "oh shit this guy's in it too???" was fun as hell. 9/10 just bc some parts made me sad and my movie ratings are based solely on how they Make Me Feel, not any objectivity lol

Attack The Block: my brain the whole time: YEAH BOY(EGA)!!!! an alien invasion movie with a Message and pre-star wars john boyega?? that was always gonna be a slam dunk for me. though i do gotta say watching british movies as an american is always jarring as hell bc there's no guns. it feels like the weirdest kind of unreality. anyways 8/10

This Is Where I Leave You: slowing things down and getting way more Serious here but i was surprised by how much i liked this one (though maybe i shouldn't have been, since dysfunctional families/siblings are kinda my bread and butter lmao). the surprise lesbianism-slash-lowkey-polyamory definitely elevated it, too! 7/10

Shattered Glass: 100% the movie you gotta show people when they try to say hayden christensen sucks at his job bc uhhh he ate that shit up. not to be #me about it, but if that dude can be that fucking cute the whole time and still make me wanna throttle him within an inch of his life, you know he was doing something right. 6/10

As Above, So Below: i was bummed at first when i realized it was one of those found footage horror dealios, but i actually ended up really liking it. and honestly for the setting, i think found footage really was the only way to go. the concept was super interesting and the horror aspects were sufficiently creepy without being enough to give me nightmares, which is about all my babyass can handle. 6/10

Everybody Wants Some!!: yeah the hoechlin 80's movie lol. it was fun! the characters were likable for the most part! the vibes were good! but B's cannot live on vibes alone (that's a bible verse, i'm p sure) so i was left wondering what the Point was. i am not the target audience for hangout movies, i'll tell you that lmao. 3.5/10

so that's the list!!! all in all a very great way to spend a weekend <3

[fitpacs]

Oi tumblr user fitpacs, I hope you’re doing well! Morale’s been running a little low for me but ur posts have really helped to cheer me up!!!! so here’s some angst

I think if Fit’s secret ever came out, the only one of his close friends who would turn against him would be Tubbo. I feel like Phil and Bagi would trust that he had his reasons/ask for more details (and Phil hearing that it was Fit’s chance to escape 2b2t would immediately be like Oh Yeah, Valid); Mike might be a bit harder to defuse but I think he’d come around eventually. But Tubbo? Tubbo’s very much a “fuck the motive” type of guy, plus with his growing distance from Fit, feeling left out from the secret, and how data is implied to be important for his lore too, learning that Fit has already taken and ‘sold off’ his data might kill the Morning Crew once and for all

this is so interesting for me to think about! for me, qtubbo is very much a ‘act now think later’ kind of guy towards everyone except his daughter, because he feels like he’s easily interchangeable in everyone’s life except for sunny’s - that’s why everything he does for sunny (in canon) is thought out and consequences minimised; see, for example, the creation lore, as well as qtubbo randomly calling fobo the egg hospital and calling sunny the special, number one patient.

so yeah i feel like he will feel betrayed when he does eventually find out about it all, it will bring back all of those feelings of him feeling inadequate and that fit and pac always like each other better than they like him, and that they secretly want tubbo to leave them alone (which, lbr, is the real reason he tries so hard to break them up, he feels like if they get so wrapped up in each other, he won’t have anyone else - which is also why i think qtubbo now pushes so hard for fobo, he wants to feel just as important to qfoolish as he can, just in case the morning crew - in his eyes - falls apart; fit and pac are together and have their two kids, bagi has tina and empanada, phil has his two kids who are his entire world, mike is always wrapped up in his building projects with richas and never really seeks out company… and who does that leave on their own? again?

and the real nail in the coffin for qtubbo’s feeling of betrayal will be when he finds out his data has been passed on - stolen from him and passed onto whoever the fuck (he won’t stick around to find out), he’ll take sunny and isolate the two of them for a while, knowing that he can only really trust his daughter now. he’s always felt like the morning crew like each other better than they like him, and the original members - fit and pac - both knew that tubbo’s data was stolen from him without consent and didn’t think to even run it past him? that just amplifies what he already feels. they don’t care about him, just about helping each other. yes, fit and pac’s data is passed on too, along with other members on the island, but the couple actively chose that ending - they would’ve had the option to take their data out of the pile, but they took that choice away from tubbo, and that just makes him feel like they don’t care about him at all.

and whatever is done with the data is out of his control, yes, maybe they’ll be teleported away, maybe they’ll be killed, but nothing will stay the same - qtubbo will be pulled away from the one being on the island he trusts without question and the one being that he needs to keep living on the island without going insane (sunny), and morning crew will most definitely be destroyed in tubbo’s mind as they haven’t only destroyed tubbo’s life by deciding the course of it just for fit’s own gain, but also destroyed sunny’s life as the one person she needs, the one person she has on the island that is always on her side, is ripped away from her.