#(sorry idk exactly what yall have lol i know the us is weird)

[doctorwhoisadhd]

hey. if you play an instrument you're a musician okay. there is no level of ability you need to attain to call yourself a musician and anybody who tries to tell you otherwise is either completely full of themselves or just insecure about THEIR own ability (and very likely both). your elementary general music or middle / high school band / choir / orchestra teachers were there to help give you the tools to be a musician — so USE THEM! but what if its not perfect? the definition of "musician" is literally "someone who makes music". it doesnt have to be professional. it just has to be music

[pumpkinsy0]

Tim Shepard (Tv series) Head Cannons

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This is if you seen the Tv show or not its fine :P

***he really is a good artist (DID YOU SEE THE DRAWING OF CALIFORNIA HE DID LOL,,,,,HE EVEN GAVE IT TO PONY HOW SWEET OF HIM😭🙏🏻)***

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***I wanna see what you come up wit! I LOVE YOUR HCS THERE AMAZING! AND INTERESTING YOU MAKE ME LIKE THE CHARACTERS MORE JUST BY THE HCS LOL***

But take your time!! NO RUSH THANK YOU🙏🏻♥

🟦 ▅ ▆ ▇ █ 🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷█ ▇ ▆ ▅ 🟦

Sorry to ask this! Its just over seen the show and in my opinion i was a great show I loved it! I LOVES IT EVEN MORE CAUSE OF TIM. HE REALLY IS MY FAVE!🙏🏻😭 (IM OBSESSED WITH HIM! NOT IN A WEIRD WAY GOD NO😭) I KIN WITH HIM SO MUCH I RELATE WIT HIM SO MUCH🙏🏻🙏🏻😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Also your my favorite "OUTSIDERS" fanpage! Your my favorite person! (Love'ya :D )

🟦 ▅ ▆ ▇ █ 🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷█ ▇ ▆ ▅ 🟦

i havent seen the show in a while so what i remember is rusty and i dont think tim was rlly there a bunch so i only have like 3 hcs im srry BUT to make up for it i will go into depth about them kinda sorta, and by hcs i mean aspects of his character i liked in the show and just went “yea thats tim im including that in my tim most definitely” but i do have like 2 hcs

•hes a good artist

loved this part of his character in the show, i feel like he was one of those kids who would doodle on like desk n stuff like that, and maybe he was one of those kids who was into graffiti and he just liked designing things but had no real outlet, sometimes at night when he cant sleep or somethin or hes thinking of like idk gang stuff he draws cause it helps clear his mind, he also just thinks its funny to draw a lot of weiners, hes still a teen hes a lil immature, but i also hc that his artistic abilities kinda inspired angela and curly as well and they become artist in their own right

•hes close to pony

OK LOOK I LOVE THIS AS A FOIL RELATIONSHIP TO DARRY AND CURLY ITS GREAT, but HOW did they get close??? most likely after johnny and dallys deaths, pony spends more time w curly which means more time at curlys house which means seeing tim a lot more as well, at first tim would just pop in and go like “do yall want somethin to eat” and ofc pony was afraid at first but l as time went on, they just kinda clicked, maybe over art, bc each other using creativity as an outlet, or something or bc tim was like “o he is a bit fucked up actually” and took him under his wing

•hes somewhat involved w the curtis gang

mostly based off that one rumble episode, BUT i hc that after dallys death, tim became not close but definitely not a stranger to the curtis gang, he doesnt rlly hang out w them or anything like that, but he does see them quite a bit and talks to them, and especially teams up w them when they need it, think of tim as what dally was to the gang, the guy who came n went but was down w them, but in his own “yall cool but i got a gang to lead so ill help darry a bit when it comes to handlin yall” way if that makes any lick of sense

BUT FOR ACTUAL HCS OF MINE

•i hc that angela and curly werent there bc they were off w their grandma, y u ask??? man idk they love their grandma i guess who r we to judge

•perhaps it was around that time that angela and curly was gone that tim started getting closer to pony cause he kinda missed up and wanted someone to look after, he just got that “damn i need to b a guardian to a fucked up kid or else im gonna go insane my damn self” thing goin on and pony was there so

•i said it before but idc ill say it again, tims art is influenced by haitian art, maybe not like the style exactly, but the idea of it being vibrant, black ppl being shown using the actual color black, yknow that thing

•tim mostly draws ppl and landscapes, maybe he goes out of his way and draws like anatomy stuff wether its normal things or like horror

•he would never actually show his drawings to anyone, he rlly only shows pony it cause he knows pony wont judge, ofc angela and curly knows and have seen it but thats bc theyre nosey and poke around his things, he knows about it but they havent said anything so it’s whatever

thats all i could think of mb</33

and thank u im glad my acc beings some sorta joy, luv ya 2 anon🙏🏽🙏🏽

[mickey708]

Info about me!!

Basics:

Name: Mickey

Age: im in my teens n that all u gotta know.

Bday: July 8th (my zodiac is a cancer :] )

Heritage: i am hispanic (im a no sabo kid pls do not speak to me in spanish!!)

Gender: im genderfluid? (Still figuring it out)

Fav color: RED

Pronouns: any i dont really care

Sexuality: G A Y

Special interest: smg4

Fav hobbie: drawing but i kind suck at it lol

MARIO!!!

Interests!!

Smg4 (since 2019 so no im not a new fan)

Sonic

Fnaf

(Splatoon looks cool but i wouldnt call it an interest since i dont have it.)

Indie animation

Glitch

Murder drones

TADC

Spooky month

Animation

Wolves

Music (i listen to a lot of different artist i dont have a fav)

MEMES ARE AWSOME (except the cringy ones)

Facts bout me!!

Im the youngest out of my sibling

Ive been drawing for about 4 years.(and yet still my art hasnt rlly improved)

Im in AMERICA RAHHH 🦅🦅🦅

I used to write but stopped due to lack of motion (idk if i should again i ran out of creativity)

i dont JUST post smg4 art i also post animal art ive made as well as oc art.

I mainly draw cartoony animals (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT CALL ME A FURRY)

Im not very frequent with my art or artstyle because im still learning on my own.

Just know that im drawing on my phone with my finger so im sorry if my art tends to look crappy im trying my absolute best.

Ive only been on Tumblr since november so please do not expect me to know everything about it. I dont exactly know what im doing. :)

Im mainly here to chill out and draw fandom stuff.

With all that aside hope this helped yall learn a bit bout me. Peace out!- Mickey

Ways u can interact with me!!

I do post on twitter/X!! If you wanna check me out just search doggybandit34 and you'll find me!

I also have discord so feel free to chat with me if you want. (I've been needing some online friends) Just ask me 4 my user and you shall receive! Just pls be dont act weird or shady toward me i will block you

Just as it says my ask box is always open and free! So feel free to ask or say anything you want! My ask box is usually always empty so dw bout me not seein it. ;)

If u know me irl no u don't...

[grxceblqckthxrn]

TDA characters as types of tiktokers

y’all KNOW i’m bored when i’m doing this shit lmao 

i’ll get around to doing the other TSC characters eventually TDA was just the first to come to mind also if you’re not actively on tiktok some of what i say might not make sense ahaha

also i named some tiktokers who yall can use for reference for some of them and from what i’ve seen they’re all fairly unproblematic so you should check them out!!

EMMA CARSTAIRS

okay so she’s DEFINITELY super popular and she uses her platform for good

she’s really funny and a lot of her audios go viral posts videos of her dancing saying that she cant dance but she’s actually really good at it

6M followers and growing fast 

 hypes up her boyfriend’s account ALL the time

calls out misogynistic/racist tiktokers through duets and KEEPS THEIR TAG IN THE CAPTION  

 she is not afraid of starting drama lmao

occasionally hops on POV and transition trends but its usually satire 

emma can’t act for shit lmao 

super active on tiktok and has a spam account

people are always asking her to drop the skin care routine but she doesn’t have one?? 

*pushes Zara down* “and no one’s gonna help her?? WOW some world we live in”

JULIAN BLACKTHORN

there’s no way he doesnt  have an art account lmao

a lot of his paintings go viral but 90% of his comments are 14 year old girls thirsting over him

yall know that pottery guy on tiktok?? the cute one?? (i searched up his account just for this post he’s @/daxnewman769) that’s the best way to describe him

literally all the famous tiktokers commission him

probably has like 4M followers lmao

will occasionally make about how respecting women doesn’t make you a “simp”

doesn’t get into tiktok drama tho

posts candid videos of emma and all his jealous 14 year old fans get so pressed but he shuts down anyone who says anything bad about her

sometimes does painting or drawing tutorials and he’s really good at teaching stuff lmao

CRISTINA ROSALES

omg okay so like yall know those really pretty girls on tiktok who are literal models and are always dropping tips on how to frame your face for pictures and best clothes and poses and whatever  ( @/ameliezilber is the first person that came to mind as an example)

thats her

alot of her content is just for the aesthetic

BLING EFFECT

GRWM’s all the time

10 step skin care routine 

GOOD VIBES

has a pretty decent following?? like at least 2 million

has a spam but it’s exactly the same as her main lol

also calls out problematic tiktokers but not by name

her entire account is full of body positivity and does a bunch of stuff on loving yourself

sometimes does POVs and all the comments are like “@ netflix hire her rn”

sometimes posts crack videos with emma and cute vids with mark and kieran

MARK BLACKTHORN

does a lot of reaction videos and duets

a lot of his videos go viral but he doesn’t have a huge following like maybe 800k

 everyone still knows him

gets at least twenty “are you wearing only one contact” comment about his eyes every post

he’s really funny without even realizing it 

sometimes goes inactive for weeks at a time and just forgets that tiktok exists lmao

shows off kieran and cristina ALL THE MF TIME AND EVERYONE IS SO JEALOUS LIKE HOW ARE ALL OF THEM HOT

KIERAN 

doesnt have a tiktok lmao sorry

but shows up so much on mark’s and cristina’s that a lot of people know who he is

DIANA WRAYBURN

unironically does POVs but is actually good at them??

lots of videos talking about the struggles of minorities like LGBTQ+ and POC and women

posts a lot of those vidoes that are like “what to do if you ever get kidnapped” “red flags in relationships” “most powerful parts of the body” etc

probably has like 500k followers 

at the end of the day she doesn’t really use tiktok that much tho ahaha

LIVVY BLACKTHORN:

does a little bit of everything??

posts dance videos sometimes 

omg her transitions are SO good

everyone is in love with her and she has to remind them that she’s a minor (i’m just a kid plays aggressively in the background)

posts videos that are just vibes?? like her skating at night, dancing in traffic with dru/her friends, walking through the city at night etc

lots of lip syncing videos to whatever sounds are popular and all her comments are like “i wish i looked like this” “guess im not eating today” and she gets so upset :((

she wants everyone to know that they’re perfect the way they are!!

also posts POVs sometimes and she’s not that bad at them ahaha 

probably has like 1 million followers 

doesn’t even need a spam just posts everything on her main 

shouts out her sibilings accounts all the time

overall just great energy

TY BLACKTHORN

never posts his face on his main but he does on his spam

yall know those accounts that post fun facts or psychology facts?? his is like that except he talks to explain them and everyone finds his voice SO calming 

he posts a lot of content of animals and everyone is in AWE with how good he is with them

his username is probably theanimalwhisperer or something djkfskjd

every single time he posts Kit on his account all the comments are like “OOH ICU” and “SHIP” and “ASK HIM OUT ALREADY”

he gives 0 shits about popularity on tiktok he’s just posting for fun because he likes teaching people about his interests

so he has like maybe 500k followers

lots of philosophical questions that has everyone questioning their existence

ugh i love him

KIT HERONDALE

be honest this is what y’all were waiting for 

yall know those unproblematic ppl that everyone refers to as the “king(s) of tiktok”???

yeah thats him

SO FUNNY

LIKE HIS CONTENT IS GENUINELY HILARIOUS

lots of sarcasm and satire

think @/adamkindacool  ?? (one of my favourite tiktokers lmao)

does reaction videos for those “pov: im the annoying hot cheeto girl sitting next to you in math class” videos

dark humor (not like rude humor but actual dark humor)

like “i put the baby in the oven and the pizza in the bed” type of jokes back when those were a thing

has like 4M followers but almost every single one of his posts go viral so he’s gaining fast

lots of pranks

starts a bunch of trends

any video he posts of Mina goes viral

sometimes he posts some really weird stuff that has everyone laughing so hard irl (@/benoftheweek)

he NEVER thirst traps but still gets a lot of those weird sexual fairy comments on his posts (iykyk)

TO BE CLEAR I MEAN THE FAIRY EMOJI ONES NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING FAE 

reacts to the comments with a video of him just staring at the screen with the “oh to see without my eyes” or “im just sixteen” audio going on in the background which only encourages them to make more weird comments

anyways everyone loves him

any of his povs are pure jokes meant to make fun of pov’ers

posts maybe one serious tiktok every 5 months that talks about being respectful and using your platform for good

“i miss old tiktok”

posts a lot of random videos of Ty where, again, all the comments are shipping them except even more so on his account because everyone can see his heart eyes for Ty

collabs with Dru a lot and does a bunch of duets of her videos

everyone loves him bye

DRU BLACKTHORN

SO many memes

she deletes any hate in her comments bc she honestly doesnt care to respond to them and doesn’t need that kind of negativity in her life

but one time she got a “the f in women stands for funny” comment and she WENT OFF

does really dark povs sometimes that are really interesting

CLOWN MAKEUP + SCARY CLOWN TIKTOKS ( think @/avani ‘s clown make up posts

REALLY good at makeup and sometimes gets julian to do scary makeup on her for tiktoks and povs (like those ones with stitches over the mouth or skin peeling off)

huge ally!! posts a lot about minorities struggles and white privilege, and acknowledges hers

does movie reviews and stuff sometimes

“types of” videos

pulls a lot of pranks on her sibilings with livvy and sometimes with Kit

lots of body positivity + self love

calls out back-handed compliments

also has a lot of content like Livvy’s of just vibing in LA

julian and emma and mark go off at anyone who sexualize her in the comments

probably has like 650k followers

posts a couple of times a week

BONUS: 

JAIME ROSALES

lots of skateboarding videos idk he just gives me that vibe

doesn’t post that often but is super popular

like maybe 1.5M followers

really passionate about systematic racism

HATES all those privileged white boys using the “this is america” audio to pretend they’re oppressed ( this is a may 2020 thing so it probably wont make sense to anyone who sees this after lmao)

POSTS A LOT OF THIRST TRAPS LMAO 

also posts lots of videos that’s just him yelling about stuff but they’re really entertaining to watch ( like that guy sebastian @/sauceyogranny)

everyone thinks he’s super hot he always shows up in those “hottest boys on tiktok” videos except sometimes he’s just the token POC boy and it makes him mad :( 

DIEGO ROSALES

HIS ACCOUNT IS SO PRACTICAL LMAO

lots of tips 

“what to do if you’re trapped in the desert” “what to do if you’re kidnapped and stuck in the trunk”

doesnt reply to comments EVER unless it’s to clarify a point he made in the video or answer a question

has like 200k

okay thats it lmao im done bye this took me like an hour to make

i’ll get to all the other characters from the other series’ eventually 

also if yall are wondering abt the lack of f*ckbois in this post they’re coming dw

TMI CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

TID CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS 

TLH CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

[willowistic22]

*claps* spromeo angst spromeo angst spromeo angst let specs comfort his boy romeo this is probably a weird ask but whatever you made a post about wanting prompts lol

I can assure you i have sent other ppl weirder prompts AGNXGAHSHAVS I’ve left this and other prompt requests in my drafts bcs school gets in the way from me finishing it so sorry yall. There was two other prompts before this one was sent in but i was only inspired to write this one first for the time being. Anyways I hope you enjoy! 

Despite my hectic schedule with school, yall can still send in some requests! and as an extra note I love angst :) (idk if I’m any good at it. I think i’m kinda good at it but idk abt your opinions hehe)

Romeo sits in the midst of the messy boxes stored in the attic, dusty and old. His first intentions was to look for answers on his own. It didn’t took long, but the truth really stabbed his heart out. 

His mind rewinds the events from yesterday. It was a normal day at the bakery after he finished his last class. His mother busy baking with the only other employee that came into work that day while Romeo was busy tending the customers. 

He got to the last customer in the line, a man with a hood over his head but looks harmless. There isn’t much he can identify but he still could see a little strain of black hair falling off his head. It didn’t bother his brown eyes from starring intensely back at Romeo. He’ll admit, it’s very unsettling. Still, he pushes away the thought with a bright smile on display. 

What the man said caught him off guard, “You don’t know me, but I’m your mother’s brother” 

The voice was stern, a little breathless. He noted the slight Asian accent, the same one his mother has when she feels a certain way.

Romeo wasn’t sure how to turn this man away. He should’ve done that sooner, but curiosity had clouded his mind and stayed quiet with a visibly intrigued expression drawing the lines of his face. 

The man took his silence as compliance and continues to explain. He only caught a few words before his hand got yanked away from the scene. Romeo’s mother stands in front of him to face the man. He can see the visible anger spewing in his mother, the only thing keeping the man alive was probably the cash register in between the two.

Romeo’s mother spoke in mandarin with the man. It didn’t matter if it was for the secrecy since Romeo also speaks mandarin.

“What are you doing here?!” The usual friendly accent his mother would use in this language has been replaced by a dangerous venom. It was the first time Romeo heard it and caused him to jump.

“I came here to see you!”

“That’s not what you said the last time!”

The other customers looked worried at the well being of the old lady who runs their beloved bakery, viciously arguing with a man in a language they don’t seem to understand. It causes a dilemma in them whether to break up the fight or let it be.

But Romeo understands. He stands still in the back, listening carefully to their argument and watch his mother’s back in case the man got out of line. His mother have always taught him to mind his own business, but Romeo can’t help eavesdrop the two. 

With the knowledge Romeo has, everything they’re saying doesn’t make any sense. Though at the same time, it simultaneously does. The mysteries he’s always wondered in the past finally getting answered, but it only leads to more. He darts his eyes to whichever of the two was talking, taking in every word they throw at each other. 

He was cut short by the other employee, asking Romeo for help to unload the huge oven full of freshly baked bread. He shakes out of his daze to get back to reality and walk in the kitchen, still keeping an ear open to keep listening to the argument. 

It didn’t last very long. Probably after a few seconds, the argument stopped. His mother returned to her work as if nothing had happened, but stayed eerily quiet. Romeo would’ve asked for an explanation but thought it was better if he didn’t. 

So now Romeo’s left to sit in the attic all alone. A single vintage paper loosely hanging in between his fingers with two lines caused by the neat folds. His sits on an old box, back hunched down to his knees. His loud breathing rings through his ears and fills the extra space of the attic. 

“Knock, knock” 

Romeo turns around towards the source of the semi-playful voice. Leaning on the door frame was a tall figure with the familiar comforting smile Romeo loves. 

“Specs!” Romeo exclaimed, standing up to get to him whilst still holding on the paper from previously.

He crashes into his chest and reaches up to wrap his arms around his neck. Specs rests his arms around whatever body part he could reach to pull him closer. After realizing they’ve been lingering in this hug a little too long, Specs threads through his black hair. Typical Specs, always able to read the room. 

“How’d you know I was here?” Romeo lifted his head. 

“The others says you went straight to the bakery after your last class” 

It was convenient his home is quite literally above his own workplace. So Specs figured it out quickly when he didn’t see Romeo behind the counter. Despite being a grown adult, Romeo chooses to stay in his childhood home only because he didn’t have the heart to leave his mother living alone. Plus, Romeo works at their bakery on the ground floor. 

“You disappeared on me” Specs lightly said, still stroking his hair. He was expecting to see Romeo at Jacobi’s with the others, like where their friends usually hang out after class. 

“Sorry, I meant to call. I just...” Romeo trailed off, pulling away from the hug. He gestures to the paper with minimal effort and a sorrowful face. 

Specs takes note of the paper’s presence with an inquisitive face then drags his eyes back to Romeo, “Are you gonna tell me what’s goin’ on?”

Romeo smacks the paper to his chest, catching him off guard for a second before grasping it properly. Specs adjusts the position so he can get a proper look at what’s causing his boyfriend to be this upset, though can’t understand the writing. 

Romeo wanders back further in the attic, dropping his head and sighs, “A guy came in yesterday, telling me that he was my uncle”

He turns around to face Specs again and sits in the same box as before he arrived, “Anyone could’ve done that but when ma started arguing with him... it just... sounds real”

The taller boy approaches him, sitting next to him on another box. Romeo instinctively rests his head on his shoulder. Specs wraps one arm around him, softly rubbing his shoulders as he waits for Romeo to find the words. 

“He was saying things about how they missed her and they want her to come home” Romeo explained, still not sounding sure with what he’s saying. 

“’They’?” 

“Her family” 

For as long as he knew Romeo, his only family is his mother and no one else. Specs stops his hand strokes, fully turning his head to face the shorter boy. 

“I didn’t ask her to explain and end up finding my own answers” Romeo turns to pick up the paper he gave Specs and holds it up for the both of them to view it. Specs props his glasses up to examine it as Romeo continues on, “This was a letter from her family, a reply from the previous letter she sent” 

“It’s basically saying something like.... ‘we don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, you’re a disgrace to the family for having a baby outside of wedlock” 

They fell silent after that. Romeo drops the letter in his hand to the ground and burying his face into his palms. Specs pulls him closer to his chest and wraps both of his arms around him. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, the only sound filling the room is Romeo’s breathing.  

“Are you okay?” Specs looks down, keeping his grip firm around his torso

Romeo drops his hands down on his lap, revealing a little redness in the corner of his eyes. Specs can see the little droplets of water nearly watering the dark brown color in his eyes. He sighs out, “I don’t know...” 

He fully turns to face Specs and crashes back into his chest, gently wrapping his arms around his torso. Specs moves one hand up to thread through Romeo’s hair, while the other keep a tighter grip around him. He stayed quiet despite feeling trickling water staining his shirt. A few sniffles soon followed which he answers with a kiss to Romeo’s hair and resting his chin on his head. 

Romeo pulls his face away from Specs’ chest just by an inch. He tugs on his boyfriend’s shirt a little as he looks up to face him and sniffles, “I just... I can’t stop thinking of... the idea that...” 

His voice got stuck in the tightness of his throat and continues to sob instead of continuing on what he was going to say. Specs gently wipes his tears down his cheeks and pulls him closer. Romeo’s head now resting on his chest again as Specs rocks them and thread through his hair again. 

“... I was the reason why my mother doesn’t have a family” Romeo whispers though his sniffles, “She wouldn’t have gotten outcasted if it weren’t for me” 

Specs brings a hand to cup his cheek, pulling his face up for him to view it clearly, “Is that how you see it?”

Romeo just sniffles while Specs wipes the rest of the tears away with his thumb. 

“It’s crazy how many possibilities we could think of if we skip a certain event from our past” Specs said, “Things definitely would’ve been different if you aren’t here” 

Romeo stays quiet, wiping another tear falling down his cheek. 

“Your mother would’ve stayed in Singapore and have never opened this bakery in the first place” Specs started, the gentle voice soothes Romeo’s ears, “She wouldn’t have met you... And neither would I” 

Specs smiles, warming Romeo’s heart instantly. Though, it isn’t enough to pull his smile back up yet. 

“Her reality is right here, right now. Making the choice to raise you while running her very own bakery” Specs continues on, “And I don’t believe she regrets it. You can’t exactly fake happiness” 

He pulls Romeo by the cheeks gently, placing a kiss on his forehead and parting his lips with a sweet noise at the end. He looks back down to the boy, “And I’m glad she gave me the opportunity to fall in love with her son” 

Romeo sniffles out a small smile, though the sadness hasn’t left his heart. He lets himself be envelop by Specs’ warmth once again. But now, his breathing is following the pace of Specs’ heartbeat and his eyes has ran out of water to leak out. 

Eventually, he’ll have to face his mother again. He hasn’t seen her since this morning, and he even purposely skipped breakfast to get away from the awkward tension on the dining table. He still has questions that needs to be answered from his mother. But that’s a problem he doesn’t have to deal with till later on. Right now, Romeo’s glad that Specs came here looking for him when he disappeared from their friends. 

Romeo’s glad he’s given the opportunity to fall in love with Specs. 

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[spookyspacepixels]

OK SO I know this isn’t anything yall follow me for but I just had the weirdest dream and I felt like I just HAD to write it down and talk about it because this dream was basically like a weird meta short film for me specifically. Sorry this is long

So it begins with me being in my house with my family with everything seeming completely normal, just going about their day doing whatever. I don’t quite remember everything I was doing, but the most notable thing about that day was that I discovered a TV show from probably around the 90s that was being rerun in its entirety on TV. I think it was about something along the lines of a small group of kids (probably around whatever age the kids from the Magic School Bus are, especially because the art style, premise, and kids in the show reminded me of it) that alongside going to school and living normal kid lives were also heroes that travelled through space to learn life lessons. It was only 20 episodes long and it took my interest so I decided i would watch all of it. I end up having to do something, which causes me to miss a good chunk of episodes to my disappointment (7 i think). However, I manage to find a very short clip from episode 20 on youtube. Most of the visuals in the clip were removed so that the video wouldn’t get copyright striked, so I wasn’t paying 100% attention to it as the video played. However, one line catches my attention, which is after something happened to one of the main characters, the mom (i assume) of that character saying to him “Don’t worry, it was only a dream.” I wondered about the implications of that on the show’s story.

It is now the next day. I wake up feeling strangely tired, feeling like I “didn’t actually wake up from actual sleep at all,” something that I would later casually mention to my family. The day goes on similar to the day before, doing random stuff around my house. However, I start to notice some small strange things, which at the time didn’t seem to be of any significance at all until later. One of these instances that I remember is a particular moment where my brother acted out of character. Me, my mom, and my dad for some reason were going back into the house through the garage while my brother was still standing outside. My younger brother isn’t particularly really expressive around me or my family at all. But as he was standing outside, he was very confidently saying something in a sing song way, and as me and my parents were heading inside I commented to them about how it was slightly funny seeing him do something so unusual of him.

After that things start to become concerning, with stranger things happening. This peaks at this time with seeing in a large window (possibly a form of my backdoor) the slightest sliver of the side of a person standing outside, which scares the hell out of me. I think I try to tell my family about it, but they didn’t see anything and don’t take it seriously. Suddenly, I am in a room alone with the person who was standing outside. It is my uncle. He informs me that this is indeed a dream and that I need to keep quiet about it being a dream or else. Apparently he was keeping us here against our will for the creation of his own movie “Night of Thursday” (idk if this was exactly what it was called but this is the title that comes to mind) which he was hoping would be a hit and he didn’t want anyone messing it up.

it is now possibly the next day again or the same day, I can’t tell. Everything in my house has officially now gone off the rails. I now notice everything a dream has to offer, including every inconsistency in the format of the house, every strange occurrence, and any jumps in time or location. I’m not really scared, but I am annoyed as I try to live through the weirdness hoping to eventually escape it. Anytime I mentioned or suggested anything about it being a dream to the rest of my family my uncle would appear and either stare me down as a threat or appear just out of sight in the sinister way he appeared in a window before. I remember being particularly annoyed over making a comparison to a dream without even trying to suggest we were in one and my uncle doing his usual threat after, being like “oh are you kidding me?!?!? I can’t even mention dreams as a concept now??!?!?” My brother eventually then somehow learned that we were in a dream as well (either he learned on his own or I told him) and then my uncle stored him under his bed and replaced him with a kid who was much younger than him.

I decided to go save him so that we could team up to end things once and for all. After freeing him from under his bed, the house got strangely normal and empty of any action/people. We both knew that this was the end, and without speaking to each other both decided to head downstairs to the basement to tell our uncle to stop this. Our mom seemingly out of nowhere showed up next to the stairs to casually say goodbye and wish us luck, and that we should grab souvenirs or balloons before we left (we did). Once we reached the basement, we looked and found our uncle facing away from us in the laundry room, where he proceed to, while mostly completely still, clip through the wall and clip back into the basement heading slowly towards the computer. I told him to end things now, to which he only commented, “I don’t want to go back to being a dirty rat.” I then got made at him like “so you’re gonna keep everyone here and prevent them from going back to themselves because you dont particularity like yourself???? what the fuck is wrong with you????” Then, out of no where I see a shot of what seems to be a dark sky with the movie cover I was shown earlier of the movie my uncle was making. There is then a crack and a light in the sky where it is. The movie has failed. Back in the basement nothing changes physically but I know the world around it is deteriorating in some way. My uncle’s head glitches back and to the side like a broken character model and I wake up.

I know this sounds boring in writing (and writing it down kinda made it more boring for me lol) but honestly this is on my list of weirdest dreams i’ve had due to the weird amount of structure this had and how it used the fact that I was dreaming as like a plot point and shit and how strangely normal everything felt before I knew it was a dream

[rainbat]

1/2 maybe I’m very dense but I still don’t completely understand everything that happened w/Kira. Why did TJ ditch Cyrus for Kira’s costume? Did TJ and Kira actually date and break up? Why was TJ so willing to be her friend and not notice how mean she was (like at the table when they were with Cyrus). And the whole making TJ choose thing was confusing too. Because it was out of the blue and TJ never had to “choose”. He was friends with both of them. I’m so confused! Do you understand everything?

2/2 and when TJ and Kira were at the park and they had planned to feed the ducks, was that a date? When Kira said “hello I’m over here” to get TJ to stop looking after Cyrus, that sounded very girlfriend-ish to me. I really wish they had explained all the TJ/Cyrus/Kira stuff. And Buffy said “you know why he’s hanging out with her”, everyone assumes that Buffy meant that she knew TJ was ha find with Kira to hide his feelings for Cyrus. But how can we know for sure? I’m gonna lose sleep over this

Hahaha okay. Idk if everyone agrees with what I’m gonna say, but this is how i grasp it. Come one, come all, as I answer hard hitting questions about KIRA

First and foremost, Kira was brought in to delay Tyrus. Unfortunately, that was her main plot driver. If Kira had not been involved: i think Summer Salt would have played out, someone would have said something about them being in a ‘couples costume’, internalised homophobia/gay panic, TJ dips until the end for the same kinda endgame OR Tyrus canons a little earlier, bench scene outside of school instead, who could predict the next couple episodes? only terri

But we were 2/3 getting a delay in Tyrus (well 100% but yk what i mean) and Kira was unfortunately up to bat. Take her plot line through like this: Kira knows (or at least assumes) TJ has more than friendship feelings for Cyrus. Kira likes TJ. Kira knows TJ his a jock, popular, likely insecure, and uses that to her advantage to get what she wants (a weird, not really real, relationship with TJ)

So 1. Why did TJ ditch Cyrus for Kira’s costume? Throw your hands up for homophobia! look back a bit, couples costume? So that path was eliminated by this. Because, as Kira subtly pointed out to TJ, why would he rather do a couples costume with a GUY than with a GIRL (her)? TJ was caught here, either basically out himself to her (as she hinted it was suspicious he would wanna do a costume with Cyrus) or play along. TJ plays along with Kira, as he’s afraid of even the possibility of being outed. 

2. Did TJ and Kira actually date and break up? No, the MackChat kids are 8. TJ never ‘dated’ Kira. He spent a lot of time with her, but think of it more like. TJ thought of Kira as Buffy to his Cyrus. Kira thought of TJ as her boyfriend who didnt wanna label it (jonah tease). That’s why it’s a little confusing, because it was to them too. But not dating, no break up. 

3. Why was TJ so willing to be her friend? I know A LOT happens in Andi Mack and TJ is but a mere side character, but TJ is not in Cyrus’ friend group. He’s in - oh, yeah, all his friends dumped him after he reported his best friend to the cops! lol! - TJ doesn’t .. have any friends after 306. He’s just kinda .. desperate for a friend. (Yes, he wants Cyrus but Cyrus is his crush and it’s hard to share that space when you’re 14). Idk if yall have ever gone through a middle school day with no friends but .. guys its rough, like soul-crushing lunch goes from the best part of the day to the worst, rough. So Kira comes along, she likes basketball and gives TJ attention, that’s kinda all he needs to jump on board. Someone wants to hang out with him! And do his favourite thing!  

and not notice how mean she was? TJ is a boy. I know that’s a dumb answer but jesus 14  year old boys are DENSE. Kira wasn’t outright saying anything mean to Cyrus, she was being rude, but in a snarky, covered in smiles way. But everything that came out of her mouth was ‘nice’. To TJ, she was being welcoming and Cyrus was being flaky and disliked her for no reason (Buffy kicked HER off the team, after all) 

4. the whole making TJ choose thing was confusing too. I’m with you on this because, yeah, really thought she was gonna flat out call TJ out for having a crush LMAOOO. So to attempt my explanation, I have to preface this a bit. Take what I say with a grain of salt, alright? I do truly love TJ Kippen with all my heart. 

But TJ is kinda mean, lol. He’s nice to Cyrus and Cyrus’ friends cos he’s whipped head-over-heels, but here’s the thing: He and Kira probably laughed at kids playing bball poorly on the court at the park, they probably made fun of people at the minigolf place, sending their balls into the artificial lake, they probably called the kids getting A’s in math nerds. They’ve probably laughed at kids dancing EXACTLY how Cyrus danced at the party. But there’s TJ, defensive, mad at Kira for laughing at him like that. 

So they joke and laugh at everyone, but they can’t make fun of Cyrus?  To Kira, it’s now plainly obvious: TJ cares about Cyrus more than he does about having fun with her. So here’s her ultimatum: You have fun with me, and we’re friends, or you’re a drag around Cyrus. 

Obviously TJ picks Cyrus because he has a fat crush, and being nice is like the smallest price in the world to pay for that boy. Think of him picking between them as his final step outside of his mean body, the nice person inside finally clawed their whole way out. 

5. when TJ and Kira were at the park and they had planned to feed the ducks, was that a date?  No, probs just post basketball stuff and the park is small. TJ was just avoiding the swings.

6. When Kira said “hello I’m over here” to get TJ to stop looking after Cyrus, that sounded very girlfriend-ish to me. Cos she thought they were in some kind of relationship, due to TJ having no other friends, the exclusivity was pretty real

7. Buffy said “you know why he’s hanging out with her”, everyone assumes that Buffy meant that she knew TJ was hanging with Kira to hide his feelings for Cyrus. But how can we know for sure? Here it is, the final question, and perhaps most up-to-interpretation answer. 

Answer 1: Buffy knows Kira is JUST like TJ was, she dealt with her on her team, and has seen how she interacts with people. She knows TJ is hanging out with her because he’s lost his friends and gone soft for Cyrus, and needs something else in his life to keep him on top/captain/popular

Answer 2: Buffy knows TJ likes Cyrus and is scared of that, thus is hanging around Kira to hide those feelings. The thing that doesn’t add up here is: When Tira wrap their arms around each other, Buffy apologises, like what she said was wrong. So why would she do that if she was sure TJ was only with her as a beard? 

Answer 3: Buffy has put together that TJ has lowkey been bullied into being embarrassed of being so close with Cyrus. She knows he’s only hanging out with Kira because she’s basically forcing him too, and he’s capitalising on the situation by using her to make him look popular and ‘like the other boys’ more or less. When she says ‘I’m sorry.’ to Cyrus, she’s sympathising with him, understanding that it sucks that TJ is in this position with Kira and he’s a dumbass jock. 

I think Answer 3 makes the most sense. 

Well! I hope I answered all your questions to some form of semi-understanding. I know it’s a lot and it’s really confusing and they didn’t leave time to really explain it. 

The short answer for the kiddos at home: TJ never liked KIRA!! He liked CYRUS!!

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

I had another weird dream yall. Okay. It involves dipper and mable from Gravity Falls. But Mable was named Isabella this time for some reason?? JAMES CHARLES WAS INVOLVED TOO. Ok first I was in this house. But it was like an apartment complex. I was in my room and I was writing a letter to someone. But this like pen I was using was one of those old ones with the feather and the red ink and stuff. I was writing the letter and things were fine. Idk who it was too but I mainly remember red ink. Then, it just fast forward to this big party

Someone was there and I was talking to them but I can’t remember who it was. I walked to my bedroom for a minute and my friends were doing some kind of ritual. Like bro?? Why in my room??? Idk but I asked what they were doing they’re like “were trying to save a baby” and I’m like no I don’t wanna join and I left. Went back to whoever it was and talked more. Then it flash forwarded to me writing another letter with my ink. But the ink was like spilling out of the pen and stuff. Like into the table and it was so weird to me. I thought that this was work or a ghost but other stuff happened. I think I heard a child laugh too. Apparently I went outside for someone reason and (this is how Ik it was an apartment complex) noticed it was like an apartment complex and pointed to a window and said “this is my room”. That’s it.

Now we went back to SNAPCHAT. All of a sudden I’m looking for Mable. She comes up with this weird name but I typed in Isabella and I told her how I needed her help. Her and Dipper come to my room and talk about the ghost and how I needed help. I can’t remember what happened then but all of a sudden I’m looking at this comic. It showed Dipper saying how Diego (like Lovestruck Diego) had a crush on me for 5 YEARS and how he called me “baby” from when we first met to present day. It was like a comic of him saying “has Sarah’s feels changed?” Because he left my home state??

Idk it just showed my home state on this comic (it’s so hard to explain what it looked like and I don’t want to go into too much detail). Then I scrolled up and it said “I feel this feeling towards Samantha but also Sarah too” and I was like👀. But apparently I said no to Dipper before (idk why like bro?? Lowkey accepting anyone that likes me rlly) and he was feeling sad and I didn’t notice?? Then he showed his father like yelling at him or something djwndbd. Idk but it was rlly sad.

Then I remember messaging him on Snapchat about this comic and how I’m so sorry I didn’t notice. Then I remember me walking around talking about how my feelings for him are on and off. And this is how I’m actually in real life. He reminds me of my friend Andrew that used to talk to (he was online). We sorta dated (yes another one online-) and we kept calling it off bc my feelings were on and off. I felt bad about it but I didn’t want to lie to him so told him everytime this happened. It was a weird time and feel bad for everything I did fjwndb. It was like a normal relationship don’t get me wrong, just the on and off stuff.

That wasn’t part of the dream but anyways djwndb. I didn’t get to see his response bc I woke up and I’m lowkey angry. Like why can’t I just see his response?? Do I end up with Dipper?? Does Dipper end up with this Samantha woman?? Idk. But my friends said I look like a Samantha so was I Samantha?? Idk but yh that was my weird dream.

I had another little part of my dream but it wasn’t this weird so it doesn’t rlly need to be included. But yh that’s my LONG DREAM.

EDIT: I FORGOT ABOUT THE JAMES CHARLES PART.

OKay. So. I can’t remember what exactly happened but I remember James Charles got somehow canceled in my dream (not for the straight boy drama thing). Then he left the room and I was doing something that was getting attention and stuff. Idk it’s like 10:06 am when I woke up, I probably had this dream at like 8 am who knows. But I was doing something there was paparazzi and people like “yas Queen”. Then someone comes in and they have like a blue face (someone as in James Charles). As in like face paint but it was all just blue. And his face was like enlarged like that one meme. Hold on I need to post a photo.

EDIT 2: It took me a long minute but here^^^^

Okay so continuing the dream. He walked in like that with blue face paint on and he put something on my head. It was like a balloon so I’d look like him idk but he said something about canceling me and then I said “If I wanted to cancel myself I’d just act like you” and then people shouted “OOOOOH” but I don’t think that was a good roast exactly. I could’ve done better. But anyway he left and then I was at a table with friends (friends I considered in the dream idk these people irl) talking and then it ended.

My irl friends were mentioned in a dream but it wasn’t as weird as this whole post was so I don’t want to include it so Yh. That’s it lol. I might edit this again it I remember any other parts that seem important. It’s funny how I didn’t sleep in this time (woke up at like 10) and I had a longer dream than I did when I woke up at 12 PM. Bro?? Explain?? Idk but yEAH.

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[grimolkin]

h

so! that one lowkey tea filled meme i posted got some responses to go off ig so thats what im gna do. i have negative experience in making structured arguments, so if some of my stupid shit doesnt make sense, im sorry lmao! rant under the cut.

ok. im gna be talking about shiro, adam, and allura, and why i dislike the fandoms response. if you didnt kno already, sdcc showed trailer stuff and revealed on twitter that shiro DID have a significant other named adam, and they broke up before kerberos. im not super informed on this, but the fandom seems to have taken it as uh they were engaged or maybe were bfs and then broke up bc kerberos?? and then shiro has a disease?? idfk man listen. im gonna just be listing some little points but theres ya background lol

1. shiro being gay!

the team told us that shiro did have a significant other, and that his sexuality can be interpreted as bi, gay, whatever. and im so fucking down with that??? ive been w lgbt hcs for most if not all the vld characters, including shiro!! he was always bi in my mind, for allura or matt or whoever just bc chemistry. but this influx of mlm shiro just feels... weird. not saying you cant hc him as gay or whatever, but this one tweet about this one stranger that we’ve literally never heard about once is whats setting it off? i lov lov LOV ,my gay brothers n sisters, but damn if it doesnt feel like bi erasure lol!!!!! im not saying everyone who posts gay shiro is a dirty exclusionist but it really feels like we out here, ignoring that bisexual people exist and are precious n beautiful. idk.

2. allura and girls in general

so. this might be a touchy topic. but i ALWAYS see this shit. boys and mlm couples in general always recieve more attention and love than girls and wlw ships, or just het ships in general. and im not tryna be That Het but jesus christ! i see so many of my fave girls get these years or seasons of development w someone, only to have it overshadowed by one tweet, or one video, or one anything. im really sick and tired of seeing people just go nuts over a pairing that we haven’t really even seen yet, and completely overshadow one thats so well developed and healthy. hhhnhmnh.

3. shallura in general!

as i said before, shallura has gotten seasons of constant development. theres ALWAYS something there for us, and i’d say we’re pretty fuckn lucky!! shallura has parallels with two canon couples in the universe, matching themes, colors, its just really apparent to me that theyre endgame!! or, were- idk where the crew is going with this. but anyway, the introduction of adam, even though the crew has told us theyd been thinking about it for a while, feels so rushed. almost exactly like matts arrival, but worse. yall know how hard shallura has had to fight to be a popular ship? it wasn’t so bad in the beginning, but it still kind of sucked being second to klance. then matt came along, and shatt became a thing, and shallura went under the water yet again. we’ve been pretty steady, but this whole adam thing has just dropped the popularity, and i dont even know why. we know nothing about adam other than his appearance and that he and shiro were a couple. its either this fandom has a PHAT distaste for allura, or just shallura. i dont know, but its jus. annoying. a bunch of the popular shallura blogs are being really gracious and nice about it, but shadam fans seem to be jumping on that opportunity to erase allura and shiros relationship completely and go back to shipping their uwu gaybies!! im willing to give shadam a chance, but im just displeased now because i feel like the fandom is way overreacting. we know nothing about him.

i probably forgot a few things but thats kind of all my opinions. hoo. im heated. hope you enjoyed the rant :ppp

[survivorsunsetrodeo]

Ep 11 | No Regrets. No Mercy. It's Happening. - Ari

Y'all.... the way I just.... asked Emma if she had an idol flaksjlakjfakls

She said no at first, but now she's saying yes lmao. OMG. I literally don't know what to do with this information other than like sit on it? Emma seems to be okay with me knowing this and as much as I want to tell Ari..... god idk this is so big.

This could really shake up the game for me and split up some of the big people in my alliance lkfjalkfja. GOD. Why did I even ask. Well knowledge is power and she wouldn't just like tell me if she didn't trust me???

I know I can't beat Ari and I think against Taylor it would be super close, but I also love them so much, so I would feel so bad if one of them went home bc of me lfkjalkfja. Like what is even happening rn!!! I just. Can't breathe. 

YALL. I just. CANNOT.

Taylor calls me right. And says oh btw Jacob, Ari, and Ali pooled money at swap in order to get the REVOLVER. Which they neglected to tell me. Which is so cute. But THEN! She also tells me that Ali wants to go for Ari this round flshjsjshaa which is kinda hot and I’m BITTER AF because I literally fucking spilled my entire anxious heart to Ari and felt like they were my number 1 and NOW they’ve been hiding shit from me??? Goodbye. So then I tell Taylor about Emma having the beer and now we know where both idols are this round so woo!

So then Ali starts to call me to tell me goodnight and that he loves me (he’s such a sweetie) and I was like Ali what’s the tea? And he just SPILLS everything to me about all the alliances he’s in with Ari and how he knows we don’t stand a chance against Ari at final tribal council. WHICH IS ALL FACTUAL. And definitely things I’ve been thinking about, but also haven’t had the guts to say anything about. So basically a plan was hatched in order to get the 3-2-2 vote to still happen but have it land on ARI with the idol in their pocket this round. I am literally going to go ALL OUT for the next immunity comp bc Ari cannot win.

Sorry Ari, this town ain’t big enough for the both of us. 

got my third idol probably gonna waste it thanks nic hehe <3 Its funny that i was on the very bottom of the tribe now that these people found out i have the idol they want to be my bestie and vote with me i am gonna try very hard to win this immunity so i could only maybe play the immunity idol on josh or he can play it on himself ASDFGH also f2 with 8 people jury just say that redemption island is happening i guess my game plan i hope is to get out ari (pain) then maybe flip and get out maybe dan/jacob i have a feeling after this vote that dan/jacob are probably gonna flip get one of me or josh out probs josh but i dont want that to happen so i am gonna try to make sure i keep on trying to build my relationship with taylor more like i did last tribal also noted wow my biggest weakness in orgs is not my emotions its honestly my self confidence damn also talk to ali more my goat brother <3 also i really miss brandi she was really nice also i feel bad but not super bad that jabari was out i wanted to work with them last vote but they were throwing me utb that wasnt good.. Idk maybe if i hella play these last few rounds then make a very convincing case maybe i do have a small chance of winning idk fuck touchy subjects AHHH it shouldnt effect me now but tribal made me remember again ASDFG even tho theres people who havent made moves like me.

https://prnt.sc/xo035n

The way I was complaining weeks ago that I was gonna go 16th place...I have to laugh. Me and Emma seems to be in a power position this round since the majority alliance is probably starting to turn against each other according to Ari which is great because I'll have options. Last round I told Emma to distance ourselves and search for cracks within the majority alliance. That led to Ari creating The Clementines alliance with me, Ari and Taylor. Now I'm on board on this group but Tay's been doubting keeping me over Jabari as soon as they found out Emma bought another idol. I'm lying to everyone that I didnt give Emma money (which I did) and told them Nic gave Emma money before he left (which was true but it wasn't enough to buy a $500 idol). Emma got close with Dan and Jacob (separately?) but after all the disassociation with Emma people still think we're working together because they keep bringing our names in private conversations. Emma thinks it's Ari & Tay vs Dan & Jacob but Ari tells me that they are willing to vote with me and Emma this round (with Jacob? idk) but I'm not really sure what the dynamics is on their side but Ari wants to go after Tay and Dan which I'm totally on board with the idea. I would rather have Dan go first because I think the Ari and Tay thing can still be useful and Dan has more pre-existing relationships than Tay I think. The best case scenario is for me to win Immunity and with Emma having the tier 2 idol the majority alliance is forced to turn against each other prematurely. Signs have already been forming when Jacob and I called a few days ago about "Taking out the threats". If I can pull off pretending to have an idol too that'd be great because it appears that NO ONE knows where the t3 idol is which is weird. One more thing is that someone noticed about the finale being a F2 with 8 Jury Members. That really doesn't sound right and people seemingly getting money out of nowhere it's possible that some sort of Edge of Extinction or Redemption Island could be at play here. I wonder how far it goes....Premergers feel like they've been gone for far too long to have an impact in the game but hey I could be wrong.

lolz i need to win immunity or josh idk josh is probably good at math i hate math but im gonna keep on trying hehe also if i see something in the saloon brought i know alis ass brought the idol im just gonna keep on trying to remind ali like hey bro if u want a chance of winning dont vote me off aha 

trust list you probably know 1: Josh > everyone else i need more ideas to make confessionals i am kinda tired at this point but dont give up until its over but honestly my tiredness is probably why i am in the retirement home also not me winning like 75 dollars when i almost wanted to abstain because this challenge is always a nightmare this challenge is more fun the emoji math maze... i think ali probs has the idol if he has 135 left when i told him if not if i see something in the saloon brought ill assume ali brought a tier 2 idol i know this tribal is gonna be crazy so i am gonna mentally prepare for it i also told dan i have the idol which is an L but everyone knows that i have it because why would they say they want to work with me when they hella lied to me during the nic vote  also its the fact they seem me hey best person to take to f2 next to ali thank god for this idol honestly i guess another thing im worried about i need to distance myself from josh but thats impossible because i know jacob was straight up with me and told me he wanted to work with me and josh also dan also was kinda like that as long as i can get myself safe this vote ill be fine but like i said in my other confessional  i know dan is probably gonna flip next round maybe i am thinking about targetting them if ari wins immunity o.o also i belong in a retirement hope random thing live finales make me wanna kms because what if i cry live thats so sad and my biggest fear im kinda okay at talking at finales.

so  u can score like 100m in this challenge good bye brb gonna try to get the most points..

ok here's the status report before i go off to bed:

dan is almost definitely tryin some funny business so he has got to go. i'm working with josh and emma on this one and i truly believe they are genuine, and jacob is obvs with that so it'd be four votes dan, three votes whatever the heck happens with the adoption centre split-vote plan. i don't think i even need to play my idol however im debating whether i should do so anyway because taylor is very much on the don't-break-ranks-just-trust bandwagon and i feel like she is going to be angery if i break that to go after dan without it looking like i felt very in danger? i dunno tbh. i could just pin it all on jacob and pretend to be shockedt but that feels a bit dirty and i'd like to own my moves thank u very much.... guess i'll play it out tomorrow and see how i feel

Not me waking up at 3am to a message from Taylor saying that Ari is feeling sketched out by me because I’m being calm.

Oh yeah Ari? Do you want me to act paranoid? I can do that, but maybe I’m not paranoid bc I know where both idols are this round. It just makes me think that Ari likes that I get paranoid and freaked out.

Part of me actually wants to tell them everything about the plan to get them out but at the same time I feel like that will get me voted out. I feel like the mind games are becoming a little too much for me and I don’t even really feel like playing anymore.

lol of course the person i wanted the least to win immunity wins immunity. Things are definitely starting to get spicy and i might've pushed it a little farther when i lied and said Dan is coming after Ari and I mean he might be but it's the push i needed to make for Ari TO STOP BEING VAGUE TO ME.

Bebop (named after Cowboy Bebop don't call me a weeb) has been formed yesterday and it's me, Emma and Ari. What a Galapagos reunion. Ari told that the majority alliance's plan is to split the votes 3-2-2. The 3 is possibly me because it's no secret Emma is going to play an idol. If no shenanigans happen it should be 3 for Dan, 2 for me and 2 for Emma with Dan going home but I do not feel good about this plan because if an idol is played then there's a high chance another one will. I plan on taking Emma's idol and playing it for myself with the reasoning is that there are people willing to keep Emma because of her goat status over me.

What's interesting to me is that Ari told me that Jacob doesn't like Dan and I'm not exactly sure why but if Jacob is open to voting Dan then I more than welcome it. Me, Emma, Ari and Jacob is the alliance that I've been wanting since merge started and how that hasn't been solidified yet is tragic. They're the three people I enjoy talking to the most. I mean, Taylor's great too but she's coming after me so she gotta go! The way that she messaged Ari saying "Are you sure it was the right choice to keep Josh?"....ARI OF ALL PEOPLE. Well, I'm glad the secret pair beware of #TeamLasagna is still going strong. Now that Ari has become less vague I know I can trust them a lot more.

i literally do not understand any of these people and it is driving me NUTS!!!

ok ok ok so like. josh tells me this morning that taylor said she wants to make a move on me because she heard i was talking to people one-on-one about her being most likely to flip. i immediately go oh f*#&$&#@ dan because i had SORT OF said that in our call yesterday so ofc he twisted it and used it against me. except!! then taylor herself calls me and says "josh came to me and asked if i trusted you and i wanted to get info from him so i made up this lie about how you'd said i was most likely to flip, i'm concerned he's coming for you" and i'm like oh f*#&$%#@ me. ofc my first instinct is to think she's lying as it seems like far too big of a coincidence for her to randomly come up with this story that is partially true..... BUT why on earth would she be telling me all this then? does she want to flush my idol? did she think the story would come back to me and wanted to get ahead of it? either way it doesn't make sense for her to say anything if she truly wants to vote me out, but the coincidence.... too much....... and should i be less certain of my relationship with josh? or are both their versions of the story true and they both don't want me out? my head is pounding i swear. plus jacob said that taylor told him she's "worried" about me because of what josh was saying, which lends more credibility to the idea she's being earnest in not wanting me out UNLESS she is aware of how close we are and assumes i'd tell him (i did)? I DON'T KNOW I JUST DO NOT KNOW

and then if that ISN'T enough, i have dan over here being completely erratic, first telling me how bad a day he's had that he almost wants to ask to be voted out, then saying that josh had thrown my name out which like ya i told josh he could do that. but dan's like "i'm not voting you ari i would never" and it's frustrating cuz he knows how to get to my emotions and i wanna believe him! i really do! especially since if he truly wanted me out he shouldn't tell me any of that shit. but i can't trust it i can't!!!!!! it's too risky!!!!!! ughhhhhhh

tl;dr this vote is a mindfuck and i'm 99% going to play my idol because i don't trust any of these fools anymore

also if i had a dollar for every time i tell jacob he needs to go be convincing to someone and he's like "ok bet" and fifteen minutes later that person is telling me "idk about jacob he's being so vague didn't really give me anything" i would have enough money to buy back my gun after i use it tonight

Y’all, sadly I think I’ve yeed my last haw

Well ignore my last confessional i dont want ari out idc how big of a threat they are or good at the game they are im gonna be loyal as i can to them idk before this i thought big moves and like flipping plus being kinda deceitful was to win i did get pots last year for playing that game tho but its like idk i feel like a new side to me like i rather be loyal to people who i been loyal to from the start and not make a move just to make a big move if i lose 7-0 so be it this game i had hopes of people working with me then being deceitful to me so i am just gonna do whatever tf i want this doesnt mean i dont like the people who i am against i think this merge was full of lovely people but theres people i am more loyal then others i honestly gave josh my idol to play because i rather not be alone without them in this game then be dragged to the end by somebody else also this is funny in orgs i thought years and years back ago me and ari are like oil and water, ketchup and ice cream but playing this game with them has been so much fun!! Also if i some how get betrayed or voted off in any round its okay NNN yeah i wish i had more of a game to prove but its very hard when everyone has different connections i really hope dan isnt super mad at me voting them off i really like dan as a person sometimes im dry in his pms but i did love like playing this game with them!! also i wish i can delete my first conf nnn

ugh i am just truly unsatisfied with this round no matter how it actually shakes out. i dont know what to say to taylor about dan going and i'm frankly too tired to think about it, i hate that im most likely wasting my idol but i would kick myself if i didn't play it & got stabbed, and i'm sad about the collapse of the adoption centre which is partly/mostly my fault anyway. i would like to get this over with as quickly as possible.

7th place isn’t something to be sad about I guess. Just wish I could have made it farther. I’m gonna be the most bitter juror out there tbh haha sorry Ari! 

This round is so scary I feel really bad about Dan 

i'm so nervous about who is gonna go omg i haven't heard my name at all but i am still nervous and idk who to trust ahhhh

I came from the best player to the one going home 

Power Rankings ONE - JACOB (+2) Threat: 6 (+2) Trust: 2 (NC) Looking back on this round, I didn’t realize how much power Jacob really had. Jacob could have single handedly sent dan home, but failed to communicate his intentions with the minority. Had Jacob of done this, I could have easily seen him sitting in the final 2. However, this misstep will have major consequences on his game. TWO - TAYLOR (+4) Threat: 7 (+2) Finally getting myself back into a position of power. Regardless of my downfall last round, I picked myself back up and went out of my way to message josh and Emma to see if they’d like to do something. Fortunately for me, they did. I could have sent dan home this round if Jacob had of talked to me (but he had no service). I would have been sitting pretty is a majority of 3 with Emma and josh. Threat level back up, back on track to win the game. THREE - JOSH (+1) Threat: 7 (+3) Trust: 7 (+5) Just like I predicted last round, Josh realized it was time to start making the right moves to get himself further. He just needed to break up the trio. I credit myself more than I credit josh though because I reached out to him, had I not of, he could have went home. But him joining with me was a good move for his game and he recognizes that. FOUR - EMMA (+1) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 7 (+5) Emma, similarity to josh had a good round because of me approaching them. Emma and josh didn’t even realize their games were at risk until I figured out that Ari, dan and Jacob weren’t voting me, rather voting one of them. Emma still left this round, but honestly if there was communication on Jacobs part about a flip on the revote, us 3 would have skated by. https://i.imgur.com/lFtZBsl.png FIVE - ARI (-4) Threat: 8 (-2) Trust: 1 (-1) Ari really lost control of their game at this point. Not only are they the biggest threat to win, but now they’re the biggest threat to win challenges. I also saw a different side of Ari that I can’t say I like. It’s funny because I used to always think to myself, “Ari seems nothing like an Aries, they’re so calm and wonderful and sweet” YEAH throw all of that out the window. Mad Ari is a different Ari lol. Anyways back on track, they for once I think were shocked by a vote, the double tie they had no control over. And finally, finally I think we are starting to see the decline of Ari’s game. Threat level is something I’m still trying to figure out how to control, and if you fail to control it like Ari did, you’ll see a similar result. SIX - DAN (-4) Threat: 4 (-3) Trust: 7 (+3) Dan lands here because of his failure to mend a relationship with me, now that I had Emma and josh wanting to work with me, Ari won immunity, and Jacob had an idol, it really only left me with the option of voting for dan. If Jacob had of said something, dan would have left this round. Because dan chose to link back up with Ari last round, and Ari lost control this round, subsequently that means dan also lost control. The one thing Dan has over is he isn’t seen as the biggest threat in the game.

[oolathurman]

@rekkingcrew​ replied to your post: “I’m watching spill your guts or fill your guts and as funny as it may...”:

As an aside- I lived and worked in the UK while a similar show was on, and a shop I worked at sold a show related gross out packet (don't remember what it was actually called), but, like, the stuff in it was just mashed potatoes pressed into the shape of weird food? It was kind of surreal. I never actually saw the show, but a coworker described it, apparently horrified that anyone would eat camel. Then again, that guy seemed to believe duck tastes like chicken? 

My experience with Americans is that they're often straight up grossed out by American food of just a generation ago. I'm from the south, and, like, gizzards, tripe, mountain oysters, and squirrel are all things my grandparents fed my parents. I'm unimpressed by a lot of it personally, but it's not actually weird. But I know Americans who straight up won't eat meat with bones in it because they're uncomfortable being reminded it came from an animal.

Just processed burgers and nuggets please. I feel like that's one of the weirdest side effects of the way we do capitalism- how much distance we put between food and what it actually is. Which is tangent to your point, but I hope it's useful. I feel like I'm rambling. Anyway, sorry people were shit to you about your food as a kid. It's dumb and they're dumb for it.

ok first off duck does NOT taste exactly like chicken and i can promise yall that i like duck a lost more than chicken :’D but you do have a point. There’s this weird gap between product and consumer that keeps growing, and it’s very likely that capitalism (as well as culture and a million other things) have an influence on it. I even talked about that separation here, though it was more on the observational surface level stuff than anything else.

@depizan​ replied to your post: “@jedimasteramell replied to your post: “I’m watching spill your guts...”:

That's super fucked up. You can make any food gross if you serve it wrong and make it sound "weird."

I wonder what standard American fare sounds weird as hell elsewhere. (Or even what standard American would seem gross to standard Americans if you described it/treated it like it sounds like they're describing/treating ingredients.)  

(Like hot dogs, maybe - cheap, unseasoned sausage that you BOIL. Ew.) 

Exactly, like... I’m sure everyone remembers that mess that was implying that tubby custard was what chicken nuggets were made out of. And that’s a good example of doing just that, though like I said, it seems like Asians get a lot of that crap. 

@senator-organa replied to your post: “I’m watching spill your guts or fill your guts and as funny as it may...”:

fish eyes you can just kinda eat when you cook whole fish? usually we pan fry the fish with soy sauce, and my grandfather liked them, though admittedly i am not nearly so enthusiastic, the texture's not my thing. and fish cheeks are absolutely one of the best parts of fish, though failing that, throwing fish heads in soup also works very well. ANYWAY the show sounds like a mess, wow

ngl I didn’t realize you can eat the fish eyes just like that once it’s cooked :’) I know my family just steams the entire thing a lot. I think mom likes to eat the eyes? For sure she’ll pick at the bones like a cat tho lol. I know my sibling and I used to practically fight over the fish cheek though :D it’s so soft and moist ;-; 

it’s one of those segments of a late night show, though idk which. 

@jedimasteramell

Ugh that sucks. Im sorry. I totally get being surprised by new ingredients, but I feel like cooking shows should be about how great the diversity of foods are and how amazing it is humans figured all this out.

Not knocking on totally normal ingredients for other cultures.

Exactly, like... There’s just different ways of cooking shit. And I admit, I’m still gonna have my limits on what I eat, eg I don’t wanna eat bug based dishes (cricket flour is apparently a thing and as nutritious as it may be.... not my cup of tea) but that doesn’t mean there needs to be this... weird hate for it. 

Unfortunately, at this point, I’m sort of just... used to people doing shit like this. I’m not surprised anymore. If it’s what’s currently in front of me and a friend asks, “can you actually eat jellyfish????” then I’d be the kind of person to just go, “yeah, watch!” and spoon that shit into my mouth. Well, chopstick it into my mouth. Same thing. 

I guess that’s kind of why parents will go, “try it, you’ll love it” when a kid asks “what’s this????” although it feels different if you’re saying it to Not A Kid about a food that’s a delicacy and been around for hundreds/thousands of years lol.