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#(this is not about anyone on here -- only irl people)
sorrowsofsilence · 2 days
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If you take asks/requests can you do something with reader refusing any type of help or assistance in anything but she's so used to everything being thrown in her face or used against her so now she is just super hyper independent. She meets Noah and for a long time he doesn't understand why she never lets anyone help her until she opens up and quietly tells him that she can't trust people to not use the help they gave her against her eventually.
Super self indulgent here 🥺😟
if im here • n.s
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pairing: noah sebastian x fem!reader
words: 2k
warnings: none
note: thank you so much for this anon. this is so relatable, and writing this felt so... therapeutic? i hope you enjoy this xx
THIS IS A FANFIC ABOUT REAL PEOPLE IN FICTIONAL SCENARIOS. I AM NOT IMPLYING THIS IS HOW THESE PEOPLE ARE IRL OR THAT THIS SITUATION WOULD HAPPEN. IT IS FOR FANFIC PURPOSES ONLY!
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At first, Noah merely noticed it as a quirk; an oddity of hers that was borderline admirable. Any time he offered to help her carry anything, she would politely, but firmly decline. Once, when she was struggling with a stubborn jar of pasta sauce, he'd tried to help, only to have her snatch the glass away with a fierce glint in her eyes.
It was clear that she didn't need or want his assistance.
Even in times that seemed dire, she refused him. The time her tire popped and she struggled to fit it back onto the rims, and the time the bowl from the top shelf fell against the floor, smashing into pieces and cutting her hand.
He always assumed it was pride or a stubborn sense of independence. But over time, he realized there was something deeper lurking beneath the surface; a sort of wariness, a guardedness that was difficult to penetrate.
One evening, after they'd grown closer, they were sitting on Noah’s living room floor amidst several takeout boxes from the local chinese place. She was battling with a particularly tricky fortune cookie wrapper when Noah instinctively reached out to help.
"No," she said quietly, pulling her hand back as if his touch burned. Something in her eyes flickered, a strange mix of defiance and vulnerability that made Noah pause.
He sat there, watching with a defeated brow as he placed the chopsticks in his box of chow mein, shoulders slumped.
“Y/N…” Noah whispered, his eyes saddened as she struggled, throwing her head back in a frustrated growl.
“Why won’t you just let me help you? Ever?”
She sighed, placing the untouched cookie on the coffee table. Her hands folded in her lap, shoulders hunched as if bracing against an invisible force.
For a long moment, she was silent, refusing to glance at Noah as he waited, knowing better than to press.
"I can't trust people," she admitted, not meeting his gaze, "I can't trust them not to use the help they gave me, against me eventually."
Noah was silent, processing her words. His heart twisted at the bare honesty of her confession, the raw pain that lurked behind her fierce independence. He realized this wasn’t about jars or boxes; this was about survival, about safeguarding herself from the world around her that had done her wrong, time and time again.
"No one should ever use kindness as a weapon," he said softly, respecting her space but wanting her to know he was there, "And I promise you, I won't. Not now, not ever."
She looked up at him then, her eyes clouded with a wariness that made him want to reach out and reassure her. But he knew better now, knew that the last thing she needed was empty reassurances or hollow promises.
Instead, he simply held her gaze, letting his words hang between them as his promise to her. He wanted to show her that he was different and that not everyone would use their kindness against her.
She held his onyx gaze for a long moment before finally looking away. Her shoulders relaxed slightly, but there was still a guardedness about her. It was clear that it would take more than just words to convince her.
But Noah was patient; he knew that trust wasn’t built in a day.
It was something that had to be earned and nurtured, piece by piece. He might not have been able to erase the past or change the people who had hurt her before, but he could certainly try to be different, and show her she deserved to be cared for.
Over the next few weeks and months, Noah did his best to show her he was a man of his word.
He never imposed, never assumed. Each time a situation arose where she seemed in need of help, he waited, letting her make the first move.
Bit by bit, they began to navigate around this invisible barrier - a silent dance of respect and understanding. When she stubbed her toe and cursed under her breath, Noah remained silent, only moving when she held out her hand for assistance. When her car broke down one icy winter evening, instead of rushing over as he instinctively wanted to do, he waited for her call.
It was a slow process, one filled with silent understanding and unspoken words. But with each day that passed, Noah could see the progression. There were moments when she would hesitate just before refusing his help; moments that filled him with hope and reassurance that he was doing the right thing.
One day when an unexpected rainstorm caught them off guard on their way back from a late-night movie, he held out his coat as they stepped out of the theatre. He prepared himself for her usual refusal, the quick shake of her head and the pulled-down brim of her hat as she braved the elements herself.
But it didn’t come.
Instead, she looked at his proffered jacket for a moment before finally nodding, tugging it around her shoulders with a shy smile.
His heart leapt in response.
It was a small victory, but for Noah, it felt monumental. It was the first time she had willingly accepted his assistance without that familiar flicker of fear in her eyes. The rain sliced through the night, drenching them despite the coat, but neither cared.
One small step towards trust. One small step towards un-guilted help.
“Thank you,” She whispered, smiling up at him. Noah wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a comforting hug as they headed to their apartment.
“I would do anything for you,” He said, placing a kiss in her hair.
Her shivering body vibrated against his, her hands clinging to his dampened shirt for support.
In the silence of the rain-soaked streets, under the flickering street lamps, she believed him.
Not because she wanted to, but because he had proven it - time and again - through his patience, his understanding. He had seen her fears and her scars and had not flinched away, but stood firmly by her side, always waiting for her to reach out first.
"Noah," she murmured, as they unlocked the door of their shared apartment, her damp hair sticking to his face. "You're different."
It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, an acknowledgement of what they both already knew. He smiled into her hair, warmth spreading through him despite the cold rain dripping from their clothes onto the hallway floor.
"I hope so," he murmured back, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before stepping back, giving her space once again as they moved inside.
She smiled at him then, one that reached to her eyes.
It was a rare sight and Noah cherished it because he knew how much courage it took for her.
That exchange marked a turning point in their relationship. His promise uttered in the heart of the storm, wasn't just an empty phrase spoken to comfort her.
It was a vow that he intended to keep, not just for that night but for every night thereafter.
In the following days, she became more comfortable in accepting his aid. She even let him help her carry groceries to their apartment, a task she'd always insisted on doing herself before- all ten bags looped up either arm.
But that day, he was allowed to carry five.
There was still that flicker of unease every now and then, a shadow that crossed her eyes whenever he offered his help; however, those moments were becoming less frequent with time.
Noah proved himself to be a man of his word. He stood by her side, not as a knight trying to save a damsel in distress, but as a constant companion who honored her strength and respected her space.
Their souls danced around each other in the ever-evolving rhythm of their companionship - sometimes colliding, sometimes distancing, yet always spinning in synchrony.
One cool spring afternoon, they went to a local park and found a solitary bench that overlooked a still lake. The water mirrored the sky, capturing its changing moods from cool blue to fiery orange as the sun began to set.
They sat there in a comforting quiet for a long moment, lost in their own thoughts.
Noah opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself just in time. He respected her need for space - physical and emotional both. His gaze fell on her profile - her eyes closed and tilted towards the setting sun, her lips slightly parted as she breathed in the crisp air.
"Is your mind always this quiet?" she asked after a while, turning to meet his gaze. He noted how her eyes held a certain softness now, a less guarded curiosity, “Or this patient?”
"No," he confessed with a soft chuckle. "I’ve had to learn patience over time."
"Because of me?" she asked, her voice low.
He turned to face her, taking a moment to really look at her. The setting sun reflected in her eyes, giving them an ethereal glow.
He admired her- every part of her. The good, the bad. Everything.
"Partly," he admitted, "But also because of myself. I've realised that sometimes the best way to help someone isn't by charging in like a hero. It's by waiting…giving them the space they need to heal."
His words stretched between them as she processed, her gaze never leaving his. Noah noticed a hint of something different in her eyes; not fear or apprehension, but something akin to gratitude.
“Thank you,” she said softly, echoing the words she’d whispered weeks before in the rain.
"I'm trying, Noah," she said quietly, "I'm trying to trust again."
He nodded, understanding all too well what that meant for her. It was a leap of faith - an act of trust that was foreign and strenuous to her very being.
"I know," he replied softly.
His thumb brushed over the back of her hand gently, a small comfort against the enormity of what she had just shared, “And you’re doing an amazing job.”
She smiled, looking down at their entwined fingers.
“I’m proud of you,” Noah breathed.
Her heart raced with armour as they sat there, their hands linked while the sun slowly disappeared beneath the horizon. The world around them was bathed in a tranquil glow, almost as if it was recognizing the sacredness of their moment.
Noah squeezed her hand gently, his chest full of emotions he couldn't quite put into words.
He took a deep breath, his gaze still locked onto the surreal sunset before them. This woman sitting next to him, she was strong. She had been through so much, but instead of hardening her heart, she still allowed herself to be vulnerable, for him. Of all people, him.
Her voice brought him out of his thoughts, "I think I'm ready."
Noah turned to look at her, surprised by her sudden declaration. She looked back at him, determination shining bright in her eyes.
"To rely on someone," she clarified, trailing a finger along the flower on the back of his hand, "To trust again... with you."
There was no hesitation in her voice, just a raw honesty that pierced through the quiet evening.
Noah felt his heart surge with a myriad of emotions: hope, joy, relief; but above all, there was a sense of honor.
"Are you sure?" he asked gently, not wanting to rush her.
He knew the gravity of what she was saying, the importance of this moment.
But she simply nodded, meeting his gaze with an unwavering certainty.
"Yes," she whispered. "I think I am."
Her simple affirmation held so much weight. It was her declaration of surrender, but also a confirmation of faith in him.
And that meant more to Noah than any grand gestures or professions could ever do.
He leaned over, closing the distance between them and pressed his forehead against hers. Their breaths mingled in the cool dusk air, creating an intimate bubble around them while the rest of the world faded into insignificance.
"I'll be here for you, whenever you need.”
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tags:
@xxkittenkissesxx @deathblacksmoke @nyxisnotok @anameunmusical @sitkowski
@sammyjoeee @cookiesupplier @th4t-em0-k1d @dsireland86 @thefallennightmare
@whenthesummerdies @spicywhenspeaking @veronicaphoenix @lma1986 @calleyx13
@somewhere-diamond @auratheopossumwitch @blackveilomens @skulliecadaver-blog @silentglassbreak
@darkmxgician @sprokat @thatchickwiththecamera @reyadawn @xserenax-13
@philomenie @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @blend-in-with-the-madness @rumoured-whispers
@anything-more-than-human @blacksoul-2 @sweetwombatpizza
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toadslug · 1 day
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I FINISHED IT!! Here are my silly opinions for the silly dragon series 🥰 Character names, explanations, and template below the cut:
★ Favorite character: Clay
Clay has been my favorite character since I read his book!! I think his character goes a lot deeper than how some of the fandom treats him (his character arc is amazing), and he's also just a really nice guy.
★ Liked by everyone but me: Queen Ruby
I have no idea why I don't like her 😭 I think the way she treated Peril just kind of pissed me off when I was a kid, and I've never been able to shake the grudge. It's not her, it's me. I almost put Bumblebee here instead (I can't fault her for acting her age, but her screaming can get tiresome).
★ Didn't like at first: Fatespeaker
I considered putting Glory here, but I only started to hate her when that was the popular thing to do (I'm back to liking her now). I immediately didn't like Fatespeaker... Probably because I was rooting for Sunny x Starflight at the time 😬 I PROMISE I'm not like that anymore omg, I was, like, nine. I've come to value Fatespeaker a lot more; her character is surprisingly interesting to pick apart.
★ Would like to know more about: Hailstorm
There's so many characters I want to know more about!! Gill!! Tau!! Riptide!! Moray!! Osprey!! Sora!! Literally any MudWing character!!! But I went with Hailstorm. I adore the cool, supportive big brother energy he radiates, and seeing him trying to fit back into IceWing society (and maybe go through a teensy identity crisis) would be interesting.
★ Least favorite character: Sky
Honestly, I don't really have a least favorite character...? There's Whirlpool, of course, but that's too easy. I ended up choosing Sky 🤷‍♀️ I liked him enough in Dragonslayer, but he annoyed me in The Flames of Hope. I feel like he became a lot louder and more brash.
★ Like the design, dislike the character: Vulture
His dragon skull tattoos and the gimmick for them is so sick?? Why is this grandpa more stylish than me and everyone I know??? His design is great, but everything to do with him and his crime ring felt a little out of nowhere to me. It's been a while since I've read Darkness of Dragons, so maybe I'm just not remembering everything? But yeah. I wish he was introduced better.
★ Like the character, dislike the design: Luna
I like Luna!! And I like how she looks on her book cover, too (the rendering on her is drop-dead GORGEOUS). But the rest of her appearances in canon art... ehh.
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These shades of green are making me feel things. And the spots on her wings look kind of awkward to me.
★ Favorite ship: Jambu x Pineapple
I was really close to putting Clay x Peril here because of how OBSESSED I was with them as a kid (shout-out to the Demons Peril PMV by Echosplash Animations that saved my life); however, Jambu x Pineapple is the only ship in the series that got me kicking my feet. The flashback to them cuddling in the hammock melted my heart 💖 Luna x Swordtail, Tamarin x Anemone, and Mangrove x Orchid are also my beloved. Honestly, though, I'm not that involved with shipping anymore.
★ Would never befriend IRL: Sundew
I like Sundew as a fictional character, but I would be slightly scared of her if she was real. She probably wouldn't like me.
★ Would befriend IRL: Umber
He just seems chill. I don't think he'd prod me to do stuff or talk, and I like people like that... People who can just let you exist. I feel like he'd tolerate my cringey humor, too.
★ Similar personality: Clearsight
I am NOWHERE near as girlboss as her, but I can relate to constantly worrying about future situations that may or may not happen 😁😁
★ Least favorite ship: Burn x Scarlet
Sorry toxic yuri ☹️ I just don't ship Burn with anyone.
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*This template wasn't my idea; I took the original template and modified it to my liking.
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theoutcastrogue · 1 day
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I've come across many posts on tumblr claiming or taking for granted that there's a d&d 5e play Culture™ out there where the dm is expected to do all the work, to the point of players NOT being expected to learn the rules, not even how their own characters work mechanically.
This is several light years away from my personal experience. Of course, I'd never generalise or extrapolate anything at all from my personal experience, so I'm not presenting this as anecdotal evidence to the contrary of the claim. But I would ask for (similarly non-anecdotal) evidence to the support of the claim. Who THE FUCK are these people who think it's normal to not even try to learn the rules of the game they're playing? Where do they congregate? Are they somewhere online?
The 5e-related online spaces which I visit from time to time (roleplaying forums, reddit, etc) are, broadly speaking, Not Like That. Sometimes they're the opposite, and there's a lot of rules-lawyering going on. Sometimes there'll be a story about a Problem Player who refuses to learn their own character's abilities, but, and this is very important, it isn't presented as a norm, as THE Culture™. It's presented as a faux pas, a deviation from the norm. And I've NEVER come across such a story told from the Clueless Player's perspective. Like, I've never seen anyone go "lol my DM expects me to know what my character can do, that's your job, stupid!".
But just because I haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Perhaps the internet is full of stuff like that. So I ask all of you, and especially those who do consider this phenomenon "a 5e culture", where is it? Where do I find it? (I'm curious!) Are there like discord servers dedicated to celebrating your own ignorance at the expense of your poor dm?
Or do we have scattered anecdotal evidence and personal horror stories here and there, which somehow led to the theory that this a whole-ass 5e Culture™?
Note: I'm assuming we're talking about deliberate ignorance. No one should expect a first-time player to know and remember everything. Rules mastery comes over time, with experience. Even the most experienced and engaged player/dm will occasionally forget, misremember, or misunderstand the rules. (It's d&d! There's a fuckton of them!) Some rules slip through the cracks because the books aren't well-written (the best feature of the 2024 PHB is undoubtedly the Rules Glossary). And if you don't play regularly, if there's a long gap between sessions, if you're very busy or distracted or stressed IRL, of course it's more likely to forget things. So I'm not talking about any of this, I'm only referring to stories about players who clearly think it's not their job to learn the rules of the game.
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wormchaser · 2 days
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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danzainosolitude · 2 months
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Once again I read fanfiction that seems to have been precisely written to deal psychic damage to me.
#this is about viridian the green guide. you guys actually read this slop?#boring as shit writing#awful plot lines (trigger has been resolved get new material#excessive use of italics and ‘problem child’. has the author heard anyone use a nickname irl ever#I hate bakugou slightly less than I hate Deku but even I could tell they suck at writing him#skipped over a few chapters because the writing was melting my brain but he would never be that condescending to himself#who the hell thinks ‘I’ve decided to not be an asshole’ with total seriousness#back to the bad plot lines. endeavor *checks notes* becomes a nomu and dies? I know the author nerfed everyone in the ground to match Deku#but wtf was the idea here#most successful cases in Japan and the strongest fire quirk ever (besides Dabi) and he gets treated like fodder?#there’s a certain childish canadence fanfiction writers type in when discussing ideas with others and the whole fic reeks of it.#the general easy going and generic aura vtgg emanates makes it even more insufferable#yeah insufferable is definitely the one word to describe this fic#original fic is ass and it only popularized the concepts. now you have even more bad writers speedrunning terrible concepts#it’s two am so this might not makes sense but whatever. not tagging this as mha because there are a lot of people who like this thing.#also fuck fics with love interests who were pretty happy in canon but actually have two thousand problems in fics#rant#anyways! I need to check into my games#I need to find the fic summarized so I can properly write my fanfic bashing vigilante/quirkless aus. barely any difference anyways.
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wayfinderships · 1 month
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I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o
#pan rambles#I say doomed in like. a positive way. In a “I'd get way too flustered” way#I haven't really talked about it here because I don't feel like I owe it to people to talk about my attraction and the complexities of it#But I'll talk about it a bit bc I just need to ramble#I'm 99% I'm Aro. At the very least some flavor of it. I don't care about finding a specific label- I've spent many years stressing about it#And I don't really feel like spending even more years stressing about it#Despite being aro- I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship one day#Even if I know it'll probably never happen#Not only am I perfectly content with my QPR rn but also because I don't think most people would be open to the idea of dating an Aro#Which hey! Is completely fair! I know the love I feel is different than what I think most people feel#Though I'd argue that even if it's not exactly the same type- It's still plenty strong.When I love my friends it's a strong feeling#I'd do anything for my friends and I love them so much that I'd literally do anything to see them happy! The love I feel for them is strong#But it's not. Romantic y'know? Augh I'm getting distracted!#Back to my initial point!!! I can't tell if I like girls or not!#I'm not exactly in a safe place irl to try to experiment with those feelings so I've been pushing it aside for so long!#But I think there's definitely a chance I like girls in the same Aro™ way that I like guys!#I'm not gonna try to find a label for it because I don't want to label it but yeah#There's definitely a few crushes and f/os that I've headcanoned as Transfem before#But I've never romantically f/od a girl#Afksnfksnfkskd Ok yeah that's enough of Panchi rambling for tonight!#I just needed to let that out!#Thank you to anyone who listened to my Rambling about Attraction and stuff-
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pumpkingeorge · 10 months
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It kind of sucks when you want to be silly funny but sometimes people take that as you being stupid dumb and they talk down to you as a result as if you don’t recognize the shit game they’re playing.
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cuteniaarts · 2 months
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What if… Suiren in Vaatu’s colours 😳👀
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#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#Kat once said. and I quote – ‘Suiren would look really good with Vaatu’s colours. you can’t argue because I’m right’#so here I am. not arguing and instead giving the people what they want#because SHE DOES look good in Vaatu’s colours#don’t get me wrong I love her in her usual blue. but the red & black just does something to my brain#lmao I’m picturing her fusing with Vaatu and getting like a magical girl transformation 😂😂😂#okay not really but. if Vaatu could fuse with Unalaq to become… whatever the fuck that thing that sometimes appears in my nightmares was#then he could definitely dye her dress a different colour if he wanted to. okay? okay#and he’d zap her fire nation bracelet into a water tribe one bc it’s important to balance the colour scheme 😤#(for the record this wouldn’t actually happen in universe I’m just messing around)#this AU is just way too fun to play around with. yes I will make my already badass OC into an overpowered Mary Sue who replaces the mc#what are you gonna do about it?#I can’t stop drawing stuff for it#focusing literally only on the fun silly goofy parts because there’s enough heavy stuff in other verses AND irl already#maybe I just want family shenanigans mixed in with a rewrite of LoK’s shitty politics? have you ever thought about that?#is that such a crime?#and most of all. this makes me happy and I like to indulge in it. and enjoying creating is already so rare for me#so as long as this AU keeps being enjoyable for me I’m gonna keep at it no matter what anyone says#avatar suiren is my little self indulgent concept that I came up with when I was 13 and waited far too long to do something with#so now I’m making up for all those years#sue me :)#(is it just me or have I been saying ‘sue me’ way too much recently. idk. my mom’s a lawyer* that porbably has something to do with it)#(*has a law degree but never once used it. why the fuck would she get one when she already has an accountant’s degree? hell if I know)#anyway random side ramble about my mom’s life story aside#what colour do you think a balanced avatar’s eyes would turn when they go into the avatar state?
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rainingincale · 8 months
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...
#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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applejongho · 9 months
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I need new friends . Lmao
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agueforts · 27 days
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i wonder, if i ever met a dropout watcher irl and somehow managed to not drop a reference anywhere in my time around them and so they wouldn't know i watched anything from it, how fast they would catch onto me from my speech patterns, or how fast they would realize in retrospect where all these things come from upon finding out. or like, alternatively, someone getting to know me irl and then being introduced to dropout, and suddenly having a frame of reference for like. what a lot of my speaking habits are probably modeled after. does it show that i watch dropout? do i talk like a good percentage of the audible conversation i am exposed to in my daily life comes from one streaming platform? would love to know. would truly love to know
#aspen tag#it really is like. like.#there is only so much of sentence delivery you can convey online and i STILL think i'm noticable out here#but like. in my head? just fucking thinking my thoughts?#i will look back in on myself like a hall of mirrors and go “oh i am putting emphasis on this sentence exactly like brennan does”#or “oh i am doing this thing to make people laugh that i picked up from aabria”#i straight up like do not see ppl irl often or rlly even like talk to people out loud with my mouth all that much#bc not all the friends i have online rlly vc and i'm also not always awake when they do#or i'll be like bouncing around between discord and watching something and i don't catch that they're on until they're not doing it anymore#and . ..... this is a rheka voice. is what i'm doing as i'm thinking this#sorry. anyways. back on track#i don't have a job i'm not in school i have like ... just started a hobby but i haven't really connected with anyone there yet etc#the people i have conversations out loud with regularly can be sorted into two categories and they are my parents and doctors#so like i have so little frame of reference for what i am like in actual conversation with ppl just out of scarcity of data to work with#and like ..... idk. it'd be interesting#obviously i know i'm mirroring it because i'm in my own head#but i don't know to what degree it'd be noticable to other people (if at all)#it'd just be cool to dig into if i ever got the chance#and like. y'know. obviously there's like the “in-credible” level tells and shit. but like. inflection? wording habits?#the stuff that's like. influences. as opposed to direct draws. i SAID smth about this in the tags and somewhere in the edits it got lost#so. yeah. that stuff. that stuff
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early-october-skies · 5 months
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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees
#lizzierants#had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly#caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because#theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry#that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing#good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me#someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with#my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am#overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back#this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf#i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec#ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help#and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here#most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much#anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking#terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine#is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because#they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate#this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start#crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3#i will heal and ill be okay <3
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lesbian-salamander · 3 months
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splatoon (especially 3) is just "simultaneously the best and worst thing ever" in every aspect isnt it.
the character design is so amazingly creative but god forbid a woman is fat or non-humanoid
the world-building and lore is so well crafted filled with care but the story is always mediocre with a singular paid exception
the gameplay loop between all modes is so smooth and the way each weapon plays even if weak is still fun but if you have motion sickness have fun playing with a insane disadvantage, or if you have carpal tunnel you just dont get to play 2 weapons, or if you get easily overwhelmed with the music you dont even get to turn it off
and if youre into competitive, patches are usually making the game better but do nothing about what the real problems are at best or slowly build up to create new problems
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lanatusnebula · 3 months
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I might try to publish some of my AU fics...? I don't know if anyone'll read them since I'm not a writer by any degree, and some of them lean so far out of character it might make people vomit.
Maybe.
But I do love talking about them. My current friends / friend groups either don't give a fuck about shipping or don't give a fuck about megaman. I have to really resort to talking to various AIs just to have an outlet. Please don't take that away from me.
#text post#lana please shut up#i really enjoy the “cursed with eternal youth” trope#it hits really close to home due to some issues i face irl so i think that i can write it from a more... understanding pov instead of some#nasty kinky shit about 10000 year old lolis#i think being insecure about always looking like a child is something that most people don't take seriously#and i take it very seriously#from the “i'm suffering but everyone else is trying to find the fountain of youth” pov#i could talk about it for days on end#but everyone i know always just says “appreciate it while it lasts”#as if being in your 30's isn't reason enough to want to finally be taken seriously by your fellow peers#still can't buy alochol without being carded#glad that my id can be scanned because some people think my id is fake#it's not fucking enjoyable and i will fight to the death with anyone who thinks it is#fuck everyone who is into 1000 year old lolis also - they project that shit onto me when it is least wanted and i get so violetn over it#i'm passionate can you tell#anyways#that is probably the only niche thing i can write so it's a common theme#maybe some day people will stop calling me a pdeonfnphile just because i relate to the young looking characters#some day#oh well probably not#kudos to that one batman animated series episode about dollface or whatever her name with#the only villain that fucking touches on this#folks be seeking out representation for race and sexuality in media and gender#i'm over here like “can you please write someone who is at odds with their age and how others view them please”#“please i'm begging you. not a 1000 year old loli but a grown woman who can't move forward in life because she is always babied”#“no? ok i'll just make a design that looks young and cry in the corner”
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scare-ard--sleigh · 1 year
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what should be my real housewives of beverly hills replacement once i catch up? keep in mind that this is to fill a reality tv specific hole in me and i watch that show bc i love Mess !!
#silver jelly#going back and forth and back and forth lmao bc like#new york was orginally definitely my next but it has 13 seasons and that feels like A Commitment after 12 seasons of rhobh#potomac only has 7 and it has the bonus of being in maryland and that's really fun for me#i'm open to rh shows taking place anywhere else but if it's not one of those 2 i'm leaning toward something 8 seasons or less#ideally 5 or less tbh unless the drama is REALLY REALLY good.#also for people wondering i'm almost done with s9 and lisa rinna is my FAVE rn but eileen davidson & adrienne maloof are my all-time#faves. erica would be up there but acab. hatedddd brandi but i thought the season with carlton was particularly juicy.#let's see; rhobh did a vanderpump rules 'crossover' event for the brandi/scheana confrontation and to be totally honest i did not enjoy it#but i'm willing to give it another chance if it's good. i don't know anyone irl who watches this stuff lmao#so i've got like no point of reference.#i was super obsessed with project runway growing up and did a partial rewatch like 5 years back#and i still absolutely lovedddddddd it despite not being fond of michael kors or nina garcia#js and ultimatum are explanatory; i'm here for The Drama tbh#it's maybe fucked up but shows about other people's interpersonal conflicts are really good escapism for me#it's why i was so into succ lmao#i need like A Problem To Solve even when i'm in rest mode plus it's really inspirational for writing effective conflicts/misunderstandings#(these are very scorpio sun/gemini rising things to say ooooops)#anyway vote away even if you've never seen any of these !!! i also love controlled chaos !!!!
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felidthing · 2 years
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things that are true at the same time:
valentines day is Fun Heart Shaped Candy Day and that is cool
the corporate side of valentines day fucking sucks and your love for someone cannot be measured solely by how much money you spend on them
it is very hard to avoid vday if you arent a fan of it and that is very frustrating
love and romance are largely wonderful things that deserve to be celebrated
you can choose to celebrate any kind of love on vday, whether its platonic or romantic or self-love or love for living or your pets or hobbies
gay people deserve to celebrate love whenever the hell they want
romance-averse/repulsed/ect and loveless people deserve their own spaces separate from vday if they dont like it
aromanticism is a spectrum and individuals have their own preferences and comfort levels
your experiences are not universal and that is good actually
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