#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and

[brightokyolights]

...

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[moonjxsung]

hi star my little moonlit angel 😔💖💖

aa im having like the most stressful week and idk where to talk abt it so i hope you dont mind me dumping for a sec :((

exams are killing me rn and idk if its finals week or my final week cs holy shit i am dying 😭😭

ive been pulling all nighters trying to get all my projects and group studies done and my exams are DEF not helping in my case and idk if ive even been eating properly there's probably a spoiled banana from last week in my bag somewhere atp 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ (im going mentally insane)

i havent even properly been on tumblr in a while and my social media is blowing up w notifs and dms from friends and ive been too busy to check it either tbh

honestly im hoping itll all turn out well by next week cs is my winter break 🤧

on another note i wanted to dump on my exes when all your anons were doing it but i was too scared to but now i genuinely need to tell u abt this because umm

my fwb is like a super nice guy and ive been friends w him for a while but i recently found out hes rlly good friends with one of my exes ⁉️

basically i asked (my ex) out once and he said yes and i thought we were chill but a few friends ended up asking him if we were dating like two days later without asking me for confirmation first and he said no.. (??)

i assumed he js didnt want like a too public relationship with everyone knowing so to clarify i asked him what was up and he said he ended up having second thoughts on me because his friends called me a red flag and he doesnt like the fact that i have guy friends and im close with them.... (💀💀)

so then i said oh okay..? 😭 and was over it but almost a month later he asked me out and atp he just gave me the icks so i made an excuse saying that i wanna focus on academics and not do anything relationship wise and he said he would wait 😭😭 (he in fact did not pick up the hint!)

then a little over month later he asked me out AGAIN and i said no i dont think i like you anymore sorry and he said oh that's fine and i thought we were chill??

a week later my messages BLEW UP one day and my guy friends were all snitching on him telling me that he's gong around slutshaming me and talking shit abt me for no reason and he said i was desperate and asked him out 3 times when he said no and he was never interested in me in the first place.. and then proceeded to sexualize my body and say weird ass shit abt it to everyone and they believed that i was a desperate whore or smth 😭

this happened a year ago but i was walking down the halls around a month ago and i saw him with his friends so i just rushed past

and his friends were like "oh isnt that the bitch who liked you?" and i heard him say "oh yeah she liked me like a year ago" and then proceeded to sexualize me while i was right fucking there but i dont even want any more drama w him so i dont bother saying anything back or leaking messages or wtv i js hope karma gets back at him 😭

and now idk if i should tell my fwb abt this?? or maybe it doesnt really concern me but it bothers me that hes hanging out with a guy like that and im conflicted on what to do

its not like i have the right to tell him who to be friends with either so 🤷‍♀️

what should i dooo

-《as always, your occasionally appearing but always stalking ☘ annonie》

(p.s. do you have any spotify song reccomendations 🥺🥺)

much lovee

Pooooookie you can always vent here ily ily :(

I’m so sorry to hear you’re stressed from exams :(( I’m rooting for you okay !! Please make sure to eat whenever you can (even if it’s something small!) and stay hydrated :( what’s the use of doing good on finals if your body gives out on you :(

No I feel u on the social media thing I get SO stressed when I have DMs or texts or whatever I just flat out don’t check them. I think I have 200 unread texts rn (it’s been around 1000 at some point) and I know im such a shitty friend but I just cannot respond to them 😭😭 I gotta put me first you guys

WINTER BREAK NEXT WEEK THOOO hang in there baby it’ll get better soon 🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶

OH MY GOD???? Pookie that’s fucking disgusting I’m so sorry you’re dealing with men like that rn???? I had a veryyyy similar situation with a guy who my friend tried to set me up with at a party who kinda liked for a little bit and then when I said I was comfortable being in a relationship he started slutshaming me to everyone under the fucking SUN and apparently he had a discord group where I was just CONSTANTLY the topic of conversation and when I heard about it I cried so hard ☹️ in my case I also had people who were friends with him and I voiced to them that it made me severely uncomfortable. Like the people in my life should know about the people who wronged me (especially if I’m sleeping with them??) and it just made me feel safer. It’s obviously up to you but I would probably tell him just so that he knows that’s someone you’re weary about and you don’t feel safe around ☹️ your safety and your wellbeing is the most important thing pookie ☹️ keep me posted if you need anything at all okay I love you lots and I’m sorry you’re going through this ☹️🫶

Song recs song recs yes here are some I’ve been listening to on repeat all week (there’s only like one kpop song in there but it’s my fav kpop song of all time so TRUST it was gonna make it to the list) I’ve been listening to Glass Animals, TV Girl and M83 on repeat for the entire year I think 😭😭

I love you endlessly okay keep you chin up better days are coming for us !! 🫶🫶🫶🫶 soon it’ll be winter break and you can just sit back and drink hot chocolate and tell me all about it and say you lived through it. Hang in there my love

[squeiky]

Sometimes I get really sad and lonely and then I scroll through tumblr.

I think I have to start making a routine to walk outside, but i keep making excuses not too. The only outside place I want to be is on my porch and a park that’s 30 minutes away.

I’m really lonely apparently. It’s a side effect of having very little of a social life (aside from the few interactions on here. Since I don’t interact with anyone on any other site tbh.)

I think it’s just easy for me to be alone. Like I’m sure I developed some kind of abandonment issues and I’m fully aware of how it makes me feel- and that might be why i keep avoiding irl interactions.

Everything feels easier here. No anxiety no pressure. I know people here are okay and already know my goofy little self. I don’t have to worry about appearances and present how I desire. I don’t feel trapped.

I can scream into the void here. I can keep screaming and maybe one day, someone might just scream back. It’s a good feeling.

I keep feeling guilty for posting or rebloging so much. I look at other people getting asks or interactions as “successes”. I see comments and tags and it’s “success”. At what? Hell if I know. Perhaps some social game like popularity, or the fact that somebody is liked enough to have people talk to them.

Ugh, I used to read my old blog posts from an account long abandoned. Reeked of insecurity. I see myself falling back into that spiral over and over again whenever the darkness creeps up a little to closely. Like I can only eve ignore it for so long, until I’m back to screaming again like I am now.

It’s like that stupid feeling, like someone in the back of my mind is screaming “please be with me.” It’s crying all the time.

I don’t know what freindship is, I only see people in black and whites of “useful” and “not useful” the definition of useful isnt exact and varies person to person, but I recognize this is my thought process.

I guess there’s the guilt of it all too. Some underlying shame or guilt constantly pestering me. I hate annoying things and it’s really annoying.

I’m young, and I’m still figuring things out. Though that doesn’t really invalidate or solve how I feel now. Idk.

At some point in time I forgot how to talk to people in real life. It’s like when I do my soul leaves my body and I just go on autopilot. Only to return to a state of constant evaluation and analysis (which are my saviors).

Sometimes I just want to stay broken. Or maybe I was never broken to begin with. I don’t know. I’m sad and buttnaked writing this at 11:54 because I’m slowly developing a fear of sleeping (technically I just have s very strong desire to stay awake for no reason in particular.)

I fucked up with the alt descriptions for my art. I’m unsure if I’m making excuses not to make alts because it’s too much effort-or it’s something else.all I know is that I feel guilty about it.

I hate guilt (or is what I feel shame? I’m uncertain). I wish I never felt it. It’s a disgusting feeling that only does me bad. Usually I can just determine via logic when ive fucked up. But if what I feel is guilt then I do not like it. I wish it wasn’t there I wish it didn’t exist because it annoys me.

I cleared out my wounds too. I’m hopping I made it better by opening up a covered path that was clogging the infection gunk from getting out- and some dead skin. Getting hurt sucks.I thought I would be stronger. But I am reminded I am frail.

Screaming into the void in hopes of a freind. It’s a strange habit to have. Always screaming never a reply. I wish I could make things like this one person I follow. I’ve never seen them ever sad about their lack of interactions (atleast in this platform). I’m trying to be like that. But it sucks that I can’t register likes Orin the same way I do as reason people’s tags or comments or seeing their reblogs.

Since I’m always reblogging other peoples stuff, there’s always that nagging feeling when ever I make my own shit that it’s never enough.

One day though I think I’ll feel “enough”. I’ll drink champagne on that day and eat a chocolate cupcake. Just like a birthday celebration.

[charalatte]

I made a shitty undertale au but an undertale au nontheless so here it is plz dont bully me i spent no time on this and idk if someone has made it yet, this is just my little thing if someone wants to do their own stuff maybe make their own character designs while i havent made my mind on any to inspire me thats totally fine just gimme credit for the au

basically everyone knows about the 6 dead children right, well basically i made an au (i havent thought of a fitting name for it yet plz reccomend some im using UnderHide for now)

in aspects of characte design and personalities not much has actually changed this au just focuses on characters which ill make designs for soon !!

the whole shebang is that even though the 6 children fell into the underground those werent the only ones besides chara and frisk (chara is actually alive in this but ill talk about it later)

in total there are 13 people (including teens and young adults) that have fallen into the underground and 7 that are alive. what happened was inbetween the dead children falling and going through the ruins other non-canon people came through but they didn't die.

in total there are 5 kids one adult + a seventeen yr old girl who all fell into the undeground in UndeHide. ill explain a bit more context so all of this makes sense as i go on (idk if theres a word limit on here i dont know much about tumblr so ill probably split this into two parts, the plotline and the characters)

everyone knows about the fact that there was definitely a long time gap between chara and frisk falling down, but in UnderHide that isnt the case. chara and asriel were still going to go through to the surface like they did in canon but chara wrote it down and toriel found it in their bedroom so she put a stop to it (im tearing up thinking abt how such a simple thing couldve stopped it bro THEY DIDNT DRSETBEBTO DIEJFJEJDJFJ)

another thing is that there is a very small time gap between chara and frisk falling, but chara is around 13-15 while frisk is 8-11. basically chara got enlightened by the wise words of toriel and the extended expiry date did alot to change their mentality to how it is in canon.

chara hates humans in this, but not children as such. i have this headcanon that chara had like a younger sibling or something and they got mistreated so im making it canon in UnderHide. its also UnderHide approved that chara has a soft spot for cute little kids uwuwuwuwuwu

basically after that near death experience asgore still was like ill kill the humans yada yada they broke up but this time with two kids. chara went with toriel and asriel went with asgore. basically the 6 kids are dead by fate because what chara and toriel do instead of reluctantly letting them leave the ruins is with the help of some unnamed (cough SANS AND PAPYRUS) create this bunker place thing were they like are able to live in secret instead of leave because they wouldnt be safe out in the open. the 6 kids were either killed by asgore by chance while they hadnt made their way into new home or died by other circumstances and their souls were collected.

part two comes tommorow my fingers hurt, as you can tell ive thought about this for a good solid day and oh boy is there a lot more to this jesus my fingers hurt. give suggestions for a not-shitty name for this au

peace out

[inknopewetrust]

i read ur post. im so sorry that life hasn’t been treating u as well as u deserve and im sorry that tumblr isnt as kind of a place as one would imagine. as a reader myself, i think i found it very hard to understand why a lot of writers were complaining about not getting enough reblogs? and hear me out, i really dont want to offend anyone. but i didnt get it. ive had a tumblr for +10 years now, and ive only just now found myself on the “fan fic side” of it. and idk, i think i was very naïve to think that “oh well but getting 5 reblogs must be as good as anything?? like 5 people liking it enough to reblog it is insane??” but then i put up my own fic about a week ago i think?? and i got like 60 notes?? which i still think is a good amount, but it also very much put be in a place of “oh well maybe im just not a good writer or creative enough” so much so that im not sure ill ever release something again??

i didnt mean for this to get this long, but yeah idk what im trying to say with this?? im sorry for being naïve and not getting others feelings and idk i kind of hope that it will give u the tiniest bit of consolence as to why people seem a bit lazy sometimes?? that it is more out of not understanding rather than that they do not appreciate ur work?? and also this was not to say that i didnt understand why u have to reblog to support, but more of a “readers may not always understand that 5 reblogs for something u used 1 month on writing isnt always enough”

im not sure if my message is clear?? nonetheless i just wanted to say that im very much in love with everything u write and still reread all ur work from time to time. im so happy i stumbled upon ur tumblr bc its helped me greatly on days where i needed it. take a break as long as u want, and even if u dont want to come back - just know that u have blessed us with so amazing stories that will be my faves till the end of time. i can very much see ur dreams of screenwriting coming true!! take care of urself and im so sorry that this turned so long??

- e 💖

Don’t apologize! I’ve been on here for about 8 years and didn’t get it at first either. It’s a learning experience for sure. I think a lot about the notes on fics also depend on the fandom.

Im very lucky and grateful for all the love and I don’t mean that to come off snotty or bitchy in anyway—it’s just very easy to compare yourself to other writers and see their success as perfect and yours as less than.

And I don’t think it’s necessarily a reader problem, but a content problem. We consume so much and don’t realize there are people on the other side. People looking for support and validation that isn’t always given. And I’ve been a silent reader before and regret it so much. But I’ve been trying to remedy that with fic recs and my own reblogs.

Thank you so much. I am certain something will spark interest in the future—heck, maybe it will be a show coming out soon or a movie in the next month. You never know, right?

[detective-ws]

i was full of poorly hidden annoyance and i just need to air it out bc the gc i normally ramble in theres something else going on

(this is NOT about anyone i know over here on tumblr /gen)

ugh why do people use the general chat, in a PUBLIC discord server, as dms

im just like, annoyed

there is a chance itll get covered, and they in general they are just WAY less likely to see it

i have to help moderate this chat, but i dont want to see 2 people talking at length about a show with no room for other members to join the conversation (thats the main issue with doing it)

i understand if a conversation starts from general and thus continues there, but @/ing someone and just attaching a link is like ‘??? just do this is dms, please oh my cod’

sorry im just like so annoyed, this has happened multiple times

when i asked the first person to take their messaging the person to dms though they were very nice

the second time the two people (different from the first person) just misinterpreted every single point i was trying to say..

while i am pretty bad at phrasing, but it feels awful to have people seem to constantly not listen to you or not care about what your politely asking/suggesting of them

im a mod, but i dont want to abuse mod privileges, because thats not cool of me, but i have to physically stop myself and force myself to step away (i muted the chat and moved to the second general)

they just continued chatting until one of them had to go, i feel so bad for feeling relieved that they had to go, because they are a known member (we have had many convos and they seem cool) but i feel so relieved right now

i need to get over these things but this members friend (the one who started the convo out of dms in the first place) just wasnt super nice in the beginning and also hasnt really been. i dont dislike them i dont think? but being mean to people as, what i presume to be, a joke, isnt funny from the outside if you dont know they are joking.

also, they just refused to get roles, it bothers me when people dont get a single role, or when people join a server for a SPECIFIC FANDOM, without being in that fandom for no reason other than their friend inviting them

i mean i dont think i hid my annoyance well, but they just responded to my ‘hey you can do that in dms you know’ (they were sending a link unrelated to literally anything that has happened in the server before, to my knowledge, seemingly umprompted) with just justifications. then when i responded with reasons they were constantly misinterpreted

maybe i should just try and learn to phrase things better.. its an issue

sorry i just needed to vent all that to nobody in particular, maybe delete(/private if its possible) this later,, idk

ive been really prone to almost crying today over slight things, maybe a side effect of forgetting my adderall, probably not though. im just more emotional today for some reason, so that may be affecting my feelings on the situation

[cosmosflowers92]

settling

into my new house still, im starting to fall into a routine which is making me feel like i have some sort of control over something in my life.

right now i am commuting to work (1:15 mins one way) so as much as i love the company that i work for i probably will be looking for another job after holiday if they dont get me to up over 20$ an hour, i just dont want to put the wear and tear on my car and spend the $ on gas if im not at least getting that much...

i was thinking about being like a receptionist at a vets office, it would be closer to the house and i would get discounts on taking my fur babies to the vet.

im glad that i only live 30 mins from my best friend, that way i dont feel as disconnected to the world as i have been feeling recently.

i also have not been smoking (green) nearly as much as i used and while i feel fine, i def am bored most of the time and more anxious than i have been, although i did try some mushroom extracts and they had me in the best natural mood. i wasnt even feeling it being like psychoactive like a high it was just a good natural state so i think im going to continue to explore that avenue so that maybe i wont be dependent on marry jane that much. at least until its legalized and affordable in my state.

we are about to get a new dog so that the one we have currently wont be so lonely, im super excited because im going to get to pick the new baby.

im half a step away from deleting all other social media aside from tumblr and do all of my blogging here. im starting not to care what the people in "real" life think about me or care if they care what im up to lol if that makes any sense, i just find myself more and more wanting the anonimity of online vs trying to show all the people i have met in my life just "how good" my life is, which it isnt, i feel like tumblr is the only place i am my most authentic self anyways, i can say what i want be what i want and feel totally comfortable here.... i think my lesson is to cut out some of the real world from my life idk.

i had to take one of my fur babies (darth) to the vet cause he has an alergy to flea bites which here in the woods in the state of georgia in the usa is almost impossible to do so he is on a round of steroids to help his immune system and on really expensive flea and tick prevention. i took my other fur baby (gib) to my best friends house to visit the other two cats she lived with for almost 5 years because i figured she was missing them and she was!! she hated the car ride though and bitched the entire way.

idk anyways thats my update

kthxbai

[akgaereporter]

nct: taeyong and haechan's silly ass "scandals" recently

tldr: a week or so ago taeyong posted a tiktok with chaewon's "dododok" mistake and got so much hate from knetz he deleted it + a few members were dancing during yuta's ment at nct nation and people were calling them disrespectful for that but only focused on haechan.

so im coming to tumblr to rant because twitter stans are getting on my fawking nerves and i know everything i say on that hellish app is pointless because dumb btches will always be dumb btches.

honestly being an nctzen on twitter has never been enjoyable for an extended period of time because this godforsaken fandom is literally a homeless shelter for so many deranged chronically online kpop heads to beg for their pennies of attention. if we're being fr a lot of it has to do with the fcked up management of the group itself.. sm entertainment when i catch you in the streets ..

but recently the way two members in particular have been treated.. i cant even blame the fckass company for this level of degeneracy. yall just bitter and have an average screentime of 10 hours because how can you get so bored of supporting your fav you just start hating on them??? for no reason at all???

a couple days ago ty posted a tiktok with a silly remix audio of chaewons "dododok" mistake she made at a le sserafim's show on tour. that mistake literally went viral and basically all of the kpop industry laughed and copied it and called it cute, because that's what it is, just a cute little mistake we can giggle at and move tf on. the audio ty used was funny and created a trend that is currently going viral in korea.

instead of laughing, calling it a cute interaction, and going about their lives, knetz decided to wake up and be horrible people. what else is new bruh. of course big bad ty had an evil plan to mock the poor defenseless kim chaewon for her terrible mistake that deeply affected her..

please i almost kilt myself when i saw he deleted the tiktok. this is how jesus fans felt when he died like ty is quite literally an angel, his eyes sparkle and he giggles instead of laughing, how can you take him in as a person and still decide to actually bully him for next to nothing. like.. maybe you need to die idk.

and what gets me is the way they were acting like she said her dad died and he used an audio of that. its not that fcking serious dawg. she laughed at the damn joke herself and if they dont stop and pray that he privated the vid instead of deleting i will actually place a generational curse upon the families of pannchoa girls who cant keep his name out their mouth and I STAND BY THAT

and my bias, my boyfriend actually, my snookie ookie pookie bear haechan, god give me strength before i type this bullsht : during the last nct nation concert yuta started giving his ment in japanese, and some members at the other end of the line began dancing and messing around. they immediately stopped when ty motions them to. again, it isnt that fcking serious, but jobless neo investigators created discourse out of it. they didn't interrupt yuta or cause a fuss, they were literally just fidgeting around to pass the time because 20 speeches is a whole lot to listen to in silence.

but of course, its way more serious for nctzens, and furthermore haechan is the main evil villain of princess yutas fairy story. literally half the line started doing the dance but the only tweets getting likes included haechan's name. what the fck is wrong w these hoes seriously when i saw those tweets i thought they punched yuta in the face or sum. when i watched it i had a damn jaw drop at the audacity of these folk. they just keep getting worse at masking the animosity they have for their own favs, haechan in particular. yall claim to be his fans but jump on a hate train that isn't even 2 seconds old like.. are you even trying to like him? the video clearly shows the other members moving too, but somehow their eyes can only see haechans pretty little face and they just cant stand seeing him babygirling the way he did on the 17th of september 2023. it was never that fcking serious bitch, keep your nasty sticky keyboard fingers away from husband 1 and wife 2, i actually cannot stand seeing yall harass them for the stupidest pettiest shit this far and this many hits into their career. you literally know none of them have any ill intent behind the actions they do publicly, unless they say or do something outright offensive or malicious. so until they tell chaewon she's a stuttering ass bitch or roundhouse kick yuta off the stage, shut it up and stop using them for hit tweets damn

all of this just ties back to the fact nctzens are constantly watching THEIR OWN FAVS waiting for them to slip up. knetz chose ty and intlzens chose haechan. yall need to choose yourselves and get the fcking help you need because its not normal to hate on people you have a fan account for. be careful who you call oomf cause these fawking hybrid bitches got split personality disorders, all it takes is alt account and a dream. this is what happens when you choose silly idol boys instead of therapy and i mean that in the most helpful way

going to sleep mad asf smh

-also i was looking for taehyuck pics to put as a header for this post and i realized there's literally almost none?? hello?? haechan taeyong do yall even know each other?? not even a photoshoot or anything just some 10p quality debut pictures like damn haeyong nation yall are dead as hell 😢

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[yozzers]

my opinions on venom #1 because I don’t have any comic friends to rlly discuss this with lol sorry fr inflicting my tumblr followers w this idk how to process all that

this is like a messy mix of a reread with just my thoughts slapped on and some opinions too idk

ok so i could honestly give less of a shit abt eddie rn idk hes not my silly little guy anymore so I just care less abt him i’m actually just waiting fr elwing to kill him off for real bcs he feels soooo soulless these days. like yes some eddie traits are still there but its not the same, so hoo keep that in mind when i talk abt this, anyway

i swear sleeper is the only reason im slugging through recent venom comics, its like (abyssmal emoji face) “venom sucks sm” --> “ :) omg sleeper!”

im going to also assume #1 takes place before extreme carnage since Sleeper is still around and in their cat form. I’m still wondering if Sleeper is going to be treated as the brock family pet or if theyve been restored to a brock family member again i cant really tell... ig ill maybe maybe not find out in the coming issues if RAM V’s apparently plans fr Sleeper are true

also i ... i like that sleeper just indulges sm in being a cat like i KNOW for a fact you arent even like a cat under there thats just a whole symbiote shaped into a cat they say shit like meow mrow bcs they want to

edit: ok i just skimmed through the 2018 run trying to find something else but found this instead... if ewing/ramv are only going by cate’s run then...ig they wont be restored to brock family member status... augeugh but whyyy im understanding why ppl were bemoaning abt dylan’s role as the “blood son” sevrely downplaying eddie’s role as a parent to sleeper im going to take this as “lol no genetically im not related to eddie like YOU are but--” kind of thing for now. im sooo upset realizing sleeper has jus stopped referring to eddie as father :( 

and its funny because it does happen out of the blue, and eddie doesnt even get the chance to really tell his loved ones goodbye or i love you before he just gets blown up

(im glad eddie’s still a little pathetic here... cmon man so much for “trying to convince the universe symbiotes arent to be feared anymore”)

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY FOR NO REASON. DAD SIGHTING, SETPEMBER, 2 AM, HOME.

1) ignore the first panel i just want u guys to know the general time thing eddies been gone fr dylan

2) sorry the way this tells us the symbiote sometimes fucks off whenever eddie goes back to space is so. the dynamic is giving very “divorce kid and their dad’s gf they dont rlly want to have a connection w and maybe even dislike” vibes

3) dylan being the technical 8th kid after sleeper... like lets just say sleeper is the “first child” in this situation bcs thats the only kid where eddie and symby finally stepped up to becoming actual parents to one of their kids and they were “overbearing as hell”, and now theyre just free-balling with the youngest child (dylan) now. it’s kind of funny if it weren’t for the fact sleeper isnt being treated like symby AND eddie’s kid anymore.

i hope sleeper talks abt their exp being raised by eddie and symby at some point i think itd be a funny contrast to give dylan a look at how eddie (and symby) did their parenting before dylan came into the picture. Like “i was kept in a fish tank and smothered with attention” , *dylan vc* “how does it feel, living MY dream (sans the fishtank part)” i also hope now that dylan will interact w the lifo symbiotes w the knowledge hes eddie’s son, that theres a werid family feud situation. lets gooo daddy issues lets goooo. think of it like this sleeper> dylan > lifo and carnage

4) IT KIND OF IMPLIES THE SYMBIOTE HASNT BEEN SEEN IN DAYS? PROBABLY? WHY DOES IT JUST UP AND LEAVE THOUGHHHH also sleeper is a little too passive in this situation fr me its never mentioned if sleeper is also disconnected from the hive so I assume theyre still sort of connected w eddie?? whyd they not realize that wasnt really eddie... huhhhh

WHY WAS SLEEPER OF ALL PPL SURPRISED ABT SEEING VENOM UD THINK THEYD BE ABLE TO SENSE THEIR PARENT BEING NEARBY AND EVERYTHING? LIKE AT FIRST I ASSUMED “OH SLEEPER IS AWARE VENOM IS BEING WEIRD AND STALKING THEM FRM A DISTANCE” NAURRR THEY DONT EVEN KNOW??? this is so...

___

final thoughts ig, i just didnt really feel much. its only issue 1 so i wasnt expecting to get blown away but it just sort of left me scratching my head. its just sort of jarring where i just finished rereading stuff like web of venom: good sons and then the costa run + first host, and im going into this issue... like i think the parenting stuff is rlly the only thing sticking in my head atm. ill probably reread frm the start when we get to issue #4 which is what im mostly anticipating (bcs im expecting to see flash, andi and or bren cameo). 

we dont get to see much on dylan and symby’s dynamic which sucks, bcs thats what i was mostly lookin gout fr in this issue. we do get some more sleeper and dylan interactions which im always happy fr tho! its... a little underwhelming though, actually super underwhelming. sleeper kind of just follows dylan around and its, fine i guess? but i just expected more quips or interjections frm sleeper.

im honestly more interested in dylan’s side of the story which surprised me like i really have 0 care left fr eddie now. which sucks bcs he endeared me sm as a character, but at least currently, he’s sort of just a husk. 

anyway my theory on the whole “dylan and symby not getting along” that keeps being teased im sure itll just be dylan’s rage “infecting” the symbiote all over again or bcs dylan decided to bond with it despite eddie’s warnings its going to go thru that thing the ringo symbiote which is just. unfortunate. im so tired.

anyway!

all of the venom symbio’s shadowed appearances bcs they look so silly:

[ridiasfangirlings]

miss ridia i just want to thank you for keeping this fandom alive, i think ive said this in another ask but i just felt like saying it again you are the true protector and provider of the fandom tysm<3 also apologies if this is messy, english isnt my first language

so, since i only recently reentered the fandom a couple weeks ago i watched the seven stories movies for the first time and idk, felt a bit nostalgic cause to me it kinda felt like Gora was officially saying goodbye to k and the fandom, then i started to think, even if they wanted to make a 3rd season or another movie, what could they possibly add to the story? then i found your tumblr and felt like there was so many things Gora could have done with the anime but didn't, and it only made me sadder to think that despite that they are still moving on from K.

ok this is getting too long so heres my question:

if you were given the job to make a 3rd season, a movie, or just some kind of continuation for k, what would you do?

besides removing the fanservice and the over-sexualization of the female characters, what would the overall story of this new season/movie be? would it take place right after the events of Circle Vision Nameless Song, or would you give it a timeskip to our present-day? if you were to choose a timeskip, how would post timeskip characters be, physically and personality-wise?, would you intend it to be a definitive end to the franchise or would you make it in a way that it would give room for more to be added?, would you use the same characters we have seen so far or would you try to implement a brand new set of characters? maybe something in the middle like picking some characters from the original cast but adding new ones as well? if so, which original characters would you keep and how would they relate to these new characters? who would be the protagonist(s) of this movie? which character would you give more screentime and development to? which female characters would finally be getting a proper backstory and development? would you make any characters canonically part of the lgbtq+ community? would you make it more diverse? like adding a character/giving a character a different ethnic background besides being japanese or leave it as it is? would you revive any of the deceased characters? if not, would you continue to show any of them via flashbaks or add more depth to them?, would you kill anyone? if so who?, and how would the other characters react? how would that affect the story?, what would you do with sarumi? would you leave them as they are, two bros being dudes? or would you make them canon? If you were to make them canon, would you give them a "happy" ending? If not a happy ending, then what?, would you add anything else to Fushimi's family drama? maybe give him some form of reconciliation with aya? would there be any forgotten character that you would have making an appearance again? like Aya, or that one lady that kinda hung around homra and was only shown in the first episode hiding behind yata (and wtf i just realized yata wasn't that scared of her omg)?

omg this is so fucking long

TLDR; thxs for keeping the fandom alive, how would you make a continuation for K?

K is now all about Fushimi, all other characters are inconsequential, it's the Fushimi show now :D Well okay if I was making like an 'actual' continuation and not 'fanfiction continuation where I do what I want' maybe just like mostly about Fushimi. As far as things like bringing characters back from the dead, representation, etc I'll start with that. I don't think I would bring anyone back from the dead save for perhaps villain purposes *cough* Niki *cough*. I wouldn't want to bring anyone else back to be honest – I really really hate when a series kills a character off, milks it for emotions and makes the emotional through-line of that loss an important point for multiple characters and then just brings the character back to life easily with no issues, I feel like it invalidates all the emotions the show was going for previously (looks in the direction of a certain K-clone series also made by GoHands which went from mediocre to ugh in a single reveal). If I was going to bring, say, Mikoto back to life it would be to just not have him killed at all in S1 and let him deal with the aftermath of that in ROK, not to bring him back far after the fact when there's really no reason to other than 'the fans like him and he's popular.' Dead people stay dead.

From a representation standpoint I probably wouldn't change much either, my preferred sequel would focus on the named cast and frankly it's large enough without bringing in more characters outside of new villains (and I would be wary of making the show's only character of color the new villain). Similarly I would actually stick to the status quo on the relationship side too – if it was my own fic I'm here for Sarumi all the way but to be perfectly honest I wouldn't want to enshrine it in canon simply because I’m selfish and like all the other Fushimi pairings too and want to let those possibilities stand. I wouldn't mind finding a more natural way for Fushimi to mention at least at some point that he was in love with Yata as a kid and maybe leave it open from there, like make it clear that Fushimi Does Not Like Girls and basically put Sarumi on the same level as IzuSeri, like it's possible but not straight out canon.

Storyline-wise I'd sorta like to clear up some dangling character threads from previous seasons and maybe set a stage for possible later developments if needed. Slate-kun in Circle Vision makes it clear that the Slate is 'alive' in a sense and I think you could do something with exploring that, like where the Slate came from and how its powers work. Honestly I'd probably steal from the post-series fanfic I never wrote where someone discovers the remains of the Slate and decides to try and 'revive' it in order to gain power. The villain gathers up a team of criminal Strains who want to keep their own powers and resent that Scepter 4 is still trying to control everyone, maybe making the villain like a charismatic 'King' type in his own right who's named the Strains his own clansmen and is declaring war on the previous clans. The story would open with multiple assassination attempts on the current Kings, Homra and Scepter 4 under siege and just managing to keep Munakata and Anna safe while say Shiro does get to end up in a coma but is saved from death by Kuroh and Neko (who are then largely offscreen for a good chunk of the story because they've had enough screentime, I would want to focus more here on Scepter 4 who are criminally underused in the series and also my favorites it's my scenario I do what I want).

So then the rest of the story could involve trying to find who's behind everything while also discovering more about the Slate and trying to learn if it's even possible to destroy the Slate, like imagine they discover that the Slate was previously destroyed way back in the past and then like 're-formed' itself to the current Slate and now everyone realizes that oh shit we didn't solve anything. Also as part of the villain's plan to recreate the Slate he may need to experiment on someone who currently has powers and who better than a certain grumpy third in command who still has three powers. Fushimi gets to be kidnapped all damsel in distress style and maybe we could even work in some Green (or former Gray, which also intrigues me as a possibility) clansman Niki who faked his death and has been hanging around behind the scenes watching the chaos. Character-wise I would use that revelation to delve a little more into Fushimi's issues that the series glossed over, his feelings towards Yata and towards Munakata and his clan, letting him have a real proper realization of how important they are to him. Meanwhile the search for the origin of the Slate could be used as characterization fodder for Munakata, who's been grappling with the issue of who he is if not a 'King' and learning the origins of this power lets him like explore his own origins and who he wants to be going forward. Basically give the Blues some needed screentime, let Fushimi and Yata have some nice moments, maybe bring in the Greens to give them more of a solid post-series relationship with the rest of the cast and actually make a firm decision as to whether the story wants to wipe out all powers or commit to superpowers existing and continuing to exist.

[creacherkeeper]

writer ask game- tagged by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly !! thank you!!!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

horrible question to start out with for me cause i dont think i really have one???? i tend to not be as ship-focused as many people in fandom, and also unfortunately am the type of person to get REALLY into things and then many times my feelings dont stay super strong over time. so some Honorary Mentions are shules from psych cause thats probably my oldest remaining ship, ineffable husbands from good omens cause that was my first gay ship, and clintasha from marvel because thats the oldest ship i still have waves of strong feelings about

How many works do you have on AO3?

95, 8 of those being more than 1 chapter/a collection. i also deleted a good handful of fics from older fandoms when i rejoined ao3 in 2015 (i was an early adopter but then left for a while), as well as having a decent amount of fics on ff.net and a fandom specific site from Back In The Day

What’s your total AO3 word count?

just with the fics on there now, 348k. total fics i've written across sites/before deleting was probably closer to 400k. if we're including original fiction / fully rewritten drafts of the same books, i'm definitely over a million

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

hello my old heart (3209 - she ra, touched starved catra 1)

wherever is your heart (1700 - she ra, touched starved catra 2)

you or your memory (1262 - she ra, catradora ptsd exploration)

the memories and scars (1115 - fullmetal alchemist, parental royai and elric brothers fluff)

time take us (773 - she ra, adora chronic pain au)

also shoutout to this untitled good omens ficlet that got 17.5k on tumblr but did not do nearly as well in the ao3 collection lmao

Do you reply to comments, why or why not?

yes, i always do!!! idk it makes me happy to acknowledge the kind things people say ;; and frequently they say stuff in their comments that i want to scream back about or give explanations/behind the scenes for. also i've made friends this way!!!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

im not super a person to leave off with angsty endings, so in recent memory probably this catra cuts her hair fic that takes place after save the cat. or maybe this fic that is almost entirely claudia thedragonprince whump cause i was really Going TF Through It at the time and had to take it out on someone

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

i tend to go hurt/comfort or bittersweet a lot, but probably the like. just absolute Happiest is heartlines on your hand which was the last in the touch starved catra series and was just. the sappiest sap to ever sap

Do you write crossovers?

the only crossover i've ever done was an agents of shield/air bud crack fic that we DONT talk about. i got fucking bullied into doing it okay

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not that much honestly? i got a few kind of mean comments on the touch starved catra #1 but also like. that fic got so popular there were bound to be a few. nothing else to my memory?? if there were a few on older stuff i probably just dont remember it at this point lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i really dont lmao. besides not writing a ton of shippy stuff in general, i dont tend to write anything too Spicy. probably the closest i ever got was one short scene in this ineffable husbands 5 + 1 kissing fic that did not do as well as i thought it deserved tbh hahahaha

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of????? yall would tell me right lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i wrote a little ficlet about elena aos celebrating a colombian holiday with the team and a colombian friend translated it for their family! but i believe that is it. that ficlet isnt even on ao3 i tried to find it but was unable to. i dont believe anything has been translated for public consumption

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don't think so? but i have gotten fanfic for my aos adoption au series!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i pretty much write things in one sitting or not at all lmao. i dont tend to take on a lot of series and stick to one shots as well. unless its over 8k i probably wrote it in one day. even the ones longer than that usually took less than a week from start to publication (for example, paladin!aelwyn fic is 15k and took 4 days of actual writing over less than a week to write, edit, and publish)

What are your writing strengths?

i feel like im best at dialogue and tend to get a lot of compliments on in-character voices. dialogue is my favorite to write lmao. i also think im good at describing spacing and movements, because i tend to think like. almost exclusively verbally and like?? physically?? if that makes sense?? when i write i picture almost nothing but i can "feel" what the character is doing. like i imagine making the gestures and everything but dont necessarily see anything as a picture in my head

(fun fact: for actual play fic i actually uh. picture the players acting it out, not the characters in the world. lmao whoops. like the first draft of it at least is 'what does this look/sound like at the table' and then i make it into a fic)

What are your writing weaknesses?

coming from the last question, definitely description, again because i picture almost nothing when i write. i have a VERY VERY hard time thinking with visuals. even when im coming up with description, i just THINK WORDS that would describe something, not picture it. so a lot of time i have to base my description on something or im just like. pulling descriptive words out of my ass with no basis. and the visual of it doesnt always make sense to other people. the other thing i struggle a lot with is action scenes, rip

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think there's a time and a place and a right way to do it. i think with anything, it's not a "write what you know" but "know what you write". if youre writing someone multilingual, understand how multilingual people actually talk and use those languages. i think the closest i've gotten is "writing signs" for amaya from dragon prince. obviously thats not exactly the same, but for those fics i went back and forth between translating what she was saying, giving the exact signs without grammar, or just describing the movement of the signs. i dont know that i did it perfectly, but i did my best and learned from it. everything in those fics was knowledge i gained from my ASL classes in college (mostly taught by Deaf teachers)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

technically digimon when i was like 7 years old lmao but first published fic was for avatar in 2007 on ff

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

it definitely changes depending on what i've written recently, but i'm really proud of paladin!aelwyn fic and am still really happy with the catradora ptsd exploration and this self-indulgent ineffable husbands mutual pining fic, but i also will say that writing humor is not always easy for me so whenever i feel like i pulled it off i am very proud of that hahaha

-

tagging @agentcalliope @floralprintshark @beatricexbenedick @marshmallsy @frenchibi @rizguks @strangetorpedos @labelleofbelfastcity

[harley-style]

mcyt brain rot for you all

this is both anysis and headcanon and au scenario, all blended together. you're welcome :D

----------

i have this headcanon,,,, cobbled together by some tumblr posts i read,,,, but some of them point out that wilbur is like, good at manipulating people as well to a point, right?

so i was thinking. what if his reach extended far beyond what anyone thought of? *what if wilbur's influence spread to dream?*

i know we've discussed this before (or sparrow analyzed it idk) but like. hear me out. this headcanon has to do with how wilbur wants to create a narrative. pit it against dream and his presumed original desires to create a safe happy place for his friends. wilbur's insistence that dream is the "tyrant". what if wilbur saw how dream was pointedly staying out of conflict, decided, "i dont like that," and began twisting the storyline and pulled dream's strings (pointedly off camera bc headcanons, babyyyy) so that dream would eventually fall into ruin, as the disgraced tyrant?

and dream...he KNOWS what wilbur's doing. to him specifically. and he's struggling so hard at the beginning, judging by his soft, passive demeanor when wilbur asks about the tnt.

i think, that somewhere along the line, dream lost sight of where his boundaries lied, and falls right into wilbur's plot pit and became The Villain. and he's like, fuck. I went and done it, oh no.

and....it worsens.

i had this whole scenario in my head that dream fully embraces the villain role, plays wilbur's game and completes the "narrative"...but is so fed up with wilbur and his stupid fucking ploys that he...bends the rules a little. changes shit up.

something...oh, a little like "lets speedrun my fall into villainy" bc it wouldn't be dream without the speedrun.

fast forward to prison. maybe if dream finally gets to resurrect wilbur. and wilbur is Not Pleased with how dream has decided to handle his narrative.

but its like. dream doesn't give two shits about wilbur's goddamn narrative anymore. he **played wilbur's game**. he's done with his role. he's given them peace, given them a happy end.

sure, he's given the rest plenty of trauma, but hey, it all turned out okay in the end, right? theyve got their happy ending. theyve BEATEN the big bad nightmare. his role is OVER.

but wilbur doesnt like it. doesnt like the lengths dream went to. it wasn't supposed to be like this. dream wasn't supposed to turn out this much of a *monster.*

and dream laughs. "will, wilby, wilbur," he croons madly, in his pretty little cell, preening like a cat. "i dont care," he hisses. "you fucking wanted this. you WANTED me to be this way. right? mr. revolutionary man? come on now, dont tell me you never expected this."

and wilbur tries to protest, but dream cuts him off.

"no. NO. dont' play your stupid littke games on me wilbur. you udnerstand? im DONE. im so sick of your bullshit, your countries your wars and your stupid fucking "story". I WANTED PEACE AND SAFETY. ALL i asked was "hey, don't be jerks, we're all one big community," and you didn't even have the DECENCY to just adhere to those rules, not even a little bit! you -- i let you in here because of TOMMY, you know that? the reason you even got to BE in this world was because tommy "vouched" for you. said you would be a great addition. and tommy-- i loved that kid back then, you know? he was bright and annoying and he made the server FUN. you took that brilliance, took that kid, and turned him against me, against ALL of us -- for what? independence? I HANDED YOU INDEPENDENCE AND YOU SPAT IT IN MY FACE LIKE IT WAS THE MOST VILE THING YOUVE EVER RECEIVED. i didnt even ENFORCE my rules, they were so loose literally EVERYONE broke them at some point.

but you? you had the audacity to call me a tyrant. to call me selfish, greedy, controlling. and then you declared war. the pet wars, the first disc wars weren't even close to the intensity you brewed during the revolution.

you had this little ideal in your head. and ill have to hand it to you, it was certainly impressive. but you didnt need to press it, to pressure it on the people of my server. you did anyway. you created this plot, this scheme to paint me as the villain, as the final boss. and you know what? FINE! if this is what it takes for them to be safe and happy, i'll be the villain.

but don't come in here expecting me to play that role again. i DID my part. i united them. my work is over.

but you, wilbur? heh. you get to deal with ALL the consequences of your war games. you'll be the one dealing with tommy's nightmares, tubbo's anger, everyone's hatred, fuck, you even get to deal with the egg!! isnt that nice? i was willing to deal with the egg, you know, it appeared before the whole election thing. but since you're here, you may as well take over. because you're SO great at directing them, you know? better than i ever could.

point is, wilbur, you don't get to use me as the tyrant, the final boss, the bad guy, and the villain anymore. when i said i would be putting the most powerful person in here, I wasn't fucking lying!"

"but tommy said you were going to put him in there!"

"you know, with the amount of times ive practically lied to that kid, im surprised he still believed me. i was never planning to put him in here. no one else would be put in here. hell, even techno and phil would just have gotten stuck here for about a week. i had guidelines, you know. i put them in a book somehwere, in one of my bases. no one was supposed to get unfair treatment. unfortunately i seemed to have pulled the short end of thr stick. that seems to be all that im doing these days."

"dream—"

"no. don't do that. don't pull me into another one of your plots wilbur. i don't want to hear it. you got your villain. your villain is gone, wilbur.

it's time to be the hero. :)"

basically my points here are like.

-wilbur made a narrative that dream didnt agree with

-this narrative painted dream in a negative villian light so dream basically said "yeah fuck that" and spedran his role

-headcanons galore i really do like the idea of dream creating that prison for himself to be locked in

-once wilbur is back he visits dream and explains his displeasure that dream went and did the things he did bc 1) hurt a lot of people personally and 2) did not adhere to the villain role wilbur specifically assigned to dream

-additional mentions: both wanted peace but in different forms. dream wanted peace for peace's sake but wilbur wanted peace after struggles. dream genuinely loved everyone on the server, but had to shed those attachments because to him, PERSONALLY, it would be a weakness towards his "villainous" role. his threatening of tubbo in front of tommy so tommy can "be the hero like spiderman and batman" shows that he knows exactly how empowering attachments are. lastly, dream only began manipulating people after the pogtopia arc. he mostly stayed the neutral party during it, and was just reacting with plans among plans during the lmanburg revolution.

-additionally, wilbur really wanted to stay dead, but dream said "haha no" and alived him again bc if he has to be the one to inflict trauma onto people then wilbur has to suffer leading the efforts to recovery.

hi @dreamsclock u keep giving me brainrot so im tossing this at u thank u goodbye i hope u dont mind the tag

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[ninjayuri]

i get that u think u're anti romantic or whatever but u're not allowed to talk about us normal peoples love ok? that doesnt even make sense. i love my bf above all else and just bc ure sad and lonely since nobody loves U doesnt mean u get to take it out on us by telling ur happy friends in happy relationships that they should care about you more since u dont even have a gf, twink. they dont have to give u attention just bc ur pathetic, my bf makes me spend all day with him 💅💋💖

"so like whos the therapist now hm? me or u?"

...is probably what youre thinking. and honestly idk how to comfort people but i am SO sorry for your loss. i know, i know, its difficult being brought to the reality that even once youre in a relationship, everything isnt perfect. im here vibing on my aromantic ass, laughing about how people like you think youre more experienced when youre literally the target of my post.

i wont take this as anon hate, bc i genuinely feel bad for you, youre in so deep. and altho this isnt my place to say, you ARE on MY blog, anon...

,,,your bf making you spend ALL DAY with him isnt.. romantic, thats toxic. you, the person who seems to be pretty arophobic tbh, still deserve to spend time with your friends and your own hobby. despite what people think, your s/o isnt everything and youre still your own person.

anyways, are you really going to sit here and tell me that you dont care about your friends? that they didnt support you before you got a partner? that you genuinely didnt have fun with them or miss them now? if yeah, im so sorry you dont have any friends either. youre the lonely one here who was actually the one who was so pathetic you obsessed over your romantic relationship instead of enjoying it and those who care about you.

why are you even defending yourself? i never said anything to you. that shows that you know, deep down, that this isnt nearly as great as you hoped itd be. im sorry that your problems still exist but romance genuinely doesnt fix everything.

also that one bit is funny. im on the arospectrum and pretty dang gay. get a gf yourself,,,,,, and TWINK why is everyone obsessed with calling me that HFHDHFJFJG

have a nice day anon!! wishing all the best and that you come to your senses soon :)) take some real life action, maybe? instead of yelling at me on tumblr dot com for no crimes other than being just so dang right all the time?