#(which isn’t to say that relating or wanting to see urself is inherently bad

[luobingmeis]

lrb i think something very. interesting. that has cropped up from the push for “good pure moral media” is that it has simultaneously brought the “push for representation” movement—something that is good and should be promoted bc all different types of people should be represented in media, not just the white/cis/het/able-bodied—to this idea that media should at all times be Representative. like maybe it’s just a slight difference but i think a lot abt that post that occasionally goes around that’s like “if ur writing just to check of a series of boxes in representation, ur gonna end up with very flat characters.” like, yes, A Lot of the conversation abt representation also began with a lot of media falling into the trope that the only Black/queer/disabled character was also the villain, which then in turn causes negative associations while also feeding into stereotypes one way or another, so i won’t discredit that. but Now it’s like. how much media upholds itself on “finally being pure representation.” finally showing “good people.” like yes at all times u should be cognizant of Who ur representing and in What way (who is the villain, who is the antagonist, who is being upheld as the good heroic one, etc), but sometimes it just feels like. “everyone in this media has to be good and pure to prove it’s not like degenerative ~other~ media” (op’s note: heavy sarcasm there) or it feels like “if we don’t represent everyone here in a way that is relatable to every viewer and if they are not all good and pure then we will be torn apart.” which then feeds into the concept of “relatability” which, again, i feel like used to be about how like. you can relate to a character even if they are not like you (which tbh i believe that you shouldn’t have to relate to a character at all to enjoy and understand a story but i digress bc the main point and this one are not mutually exclusive), and now has become a bit. hm. like things are upheld as universally relatable Because of how good and pure it is? and that it Should be relatable and if it isn’t that’s Your problem.” or the even more fun “why are you consuming this media if you don’t relate to it/the characters aren’t like you” because apparently fiction is made solely so you can relate to it and not because it’s art that can be, yes, related to, but also appreciated and understood without needing to point at it and be like “that guy is like me.”

which is all to say i think more people need to read more books where the characters you love do stuff that makes you say “hey that’s fucked up.” and then you realize you still love the character and it does not change your Real Person Morals because you have come to the realization that the books you are reading as an adult are meant to entertain and are not the same as the books you read when you were five years old (you know, the ones that were meant to teach you that lying is bad and hitting people is wrong).

which is all to say (part two) that we should also not go completely opposite end of the spectrum bc that is how we cycle back to “””coincidentally””” making the only minority character the villain and perpetuating stereotypes left and right. so maybe there’s a nice middle ground.

[carpisuns]

maryssa please post all of your marichat hot takes i need them for health reasons

please handle these absolutely scalding takes with care, miss mcwizzy. dont want u to hurt urself. also there are a lot of them so double warning aljsfasjldf

Carpisuns's Hot Marichat Takes That No One Asked For

omg WAIT.... for once someone actually DID ask for them SLKJFDJ ok scratch that

Carpisuns's Super Hot Marichat Takes That, Surprisingly, Someone Did Actually Ask For!! (And Will Probably Regret Asking for as Soon as They Click the Read More djdjdkdm)

marichat tropes are not any more tired/cringey than tropes for any other side of the square. like, what is the real difference between “princess” and “my lady” or a balcony date and a rooftop date lol. they’re all cute and also all have the potential to be overdone fjlaksdlj

the bell is immovable :) zipper is just for show

“chat noir” and “marinette” are not their “true selves.” and “adrien” and “ladybug” are not false/inauthentic versions of themselves. they are themselves all the time, but like any human their behavior changes depending on the situation. there isn’t like a separate list of “chat noir” traits and “adrien” traits or “marinette” traits and “ladybug” traits—all of their traits belong to them at all times whether they are suited up or not, and they are more than just the sum of their parts. they tend to be pretty comfortable interacting as marichat NOT because “they can finally show the real them” but because they both already know each other in another dynamic and there are no crushes or past rejections adding any pressure or uneasiness

marichat is not inherently sexist. yes, adrien wants to protect marinette, but that's not sexism; that's called being a caring friend. and marinette giving comfort to chat noir is not automatically playing into sexist gender roles. that is also being a caring friend. like in any good relationship, there is a healthy give and take. they protect and support and comfort each other. this how it is on all the sides which is why the love square is so great!

on a related note, there is no unhealthy power dynamic between marinette and chat noir. he doesn't think he's better than her because he's a superhero and she's "just a civilian"; he values her intelligence, creativity, skill, talent, strength, and leadership and would never consider her weak or look down on her in any way. and i wouldn’t really consider either of them the “leader” in this dynamic. outside of an active akuma situation they’re on pretty equal ground and i mean what is the power dynamic of two friends chillin’ lol

they take turns being the big/little spoon C:

marinette is not mad that chat likes her as “perfect ladybug” and not as “weak, clumsy marinette.” she has moments of insecurity when she is stressed but in general she has a pretty strong self-esteem and does not seek out or depend on chat noir’s affection for validation

stanning marichat does not mean hating ladrien!! ladrien is a dang good ship and if u don’t like it it then there is something sadly lacking in your understanding/appreciation of the love square—including marichat. also you are depriving yourself of something truly wonderful :(((

same if u hate marichat. most people have a favorite side of the square and that’s a-okay! but i fail to see how you can be a love square stan or a stan of any one side if you don’t enjoy and support all the other sides as well ??

ok but seriously for the love of everything please stop commenting on ladrien fics/art just to say “ladrien sucks, marichat supremacy!!1!!” -_- fun fact that actually makes everyone hate marichat/marichat stans lol and as a marichat stan myself i find the association with that toxicity very exhausting and frustrating !!

marichat is a slowburn friends-to-lovers ship. so if there is no slowburn or u skip friends and go straight to lovers then that is a different dynamic than what is presented in the show. i mean you can call it marichat because it still involves marinette and chat noir but i would not consider it like Official Brand™️ marichat tbh. i don’t wanna sound gatekeepery but also. that is my hot take lol

they’re not sexy,, they’re just very stupid and soft. i am continually confused and frustrated by the fact that marichat is still branded the Sin Ship™️ when canonically they could barely look each other in the eye after doing the traditional cheek kiss greeting lmao

yes there is Bad marichat out there that plays into the things i talked about above but there is also a lot of Good marichat and it is really not that hard to find. so when people say “i like canon marichat but i hate fanon marichat” i just like. don’t really know what that means? lol. like, you hate...all fan-created marichat content ? i assume you just dislike the Sin Ship and the true selves trope and whatnot but there is a lot more than that ?? and it’s sad to see it all get lumped together with the not-so-great stuff and branded Bad Fanon: Do Not Eat lol

marichat cannot exist in isolation. its very existence depends on being part of the square. this might seem like a weird thing to state explicitly but i’ve seen people get mad that there was too much adrienette/ladynoir in a marichat fic and that it wasn’t really “marichat” and i mean….what? lol. because it’s a civilian/hero combo, you have to show how it affects ladynoir and adrienette. u cant just have marichat be dating and then pretend like the other sides of the square don’t exist ? flsjadjk

totally platonic marichat....godly

romantic marichat developed from platonic marichat.....also godly

they would eat dirt and it would be weirdly cute and i have proof

even if marinette and chat noir fell for each other, they'd never just forget OG crush over even fully "get over" them imo. adrien and ladybug will always hold a special place in their heart and they will always love them in some way!

there’s no such thing as post-reveal marichat. if they know each other’s identities then the dynamic has changed and the square has all been absorbed into like Adrienette 2.0 lol

and for the hottest take of all:

marichat good

thank you for your time. please take a goodie bag on the way out

[sotorubio]

Crisana or Kieutou? Pros and Cons

ohh this is a good question 🤔🤔

i rly love both ships & they're v different so it's hard to compare but i think i have to go w crisana for this bc while i love kieutou i don't rly have the same emotional attachment to them as i have for crisana, both r great couples tho!

i think for crisana pros r that españa had the brain cells to make the isak season abt girls that alone rly makes my respect go 📈📈 for the couple. i also love the whole evak dynamic of falling for the cool new kid n w crisana it was especially sweet bc cris was this sort of party girl n she had to be vulnerable for the first time. also the way the girl squad adopts joana n they fit in so well rly does it for me bc i'm not a very romantic person so that kind of relationship when u can act like partners AND best friends is just chef's kiss 🌹i feel like their relationship is intense in a good way but also casual enough for me to fully enjoy bc it's smth i would also prefer over rly romantic stuff. they're like besties in love it's great :) i loved seeing their relationship in the background in s3 too (n s4 but i didn't watch that season i just saw the gifs etc) bc it felt very real n genuine but most of all realistic bc it wasn't only the good parts they also showed us struggles!

cons would probably be that hmm i relate to joana more than cris so it kinda feels like an obstacle to see urself more in the love interest than the main character, while w kieutou i relate to fatou more 🤔 i mean it doesn't ruin it for me or anything but that's one downside i can come up with. then probably representation-wise i'm still angry that they casted a skinny actress for cris knowing that she would get isak's season.. doesn't sit right w me but they have great chemistry n all that so it doesn't ruin it either. it's more abt the idea of "crisana is already so great imagine how good it would've been if they kept the chris role for a fat girl"

kieutou definitely gets points for originality i appreciate druck so much for creating this story when they started making their original seasons. i can also relate to fatou as a character so it's rly fun to follow her journey w kieu my. i also love how they're kind of this "opposites attract" couple like ava said kieu my being the ice queen & fatou being a rly warm person they rly complete each other! also representation-wise they're doing amazing i love how they chose woc for the roles n haven't erased their respective cultures. points for common interests & shared sense of humor their talks on tinder were so cute w all their inside jokes

for the cons i would have to say that while i love watching their romance it's very far from what i would personally want so i don't rly grow that attached to them. like their cheesy lines while cuddling in bed n kieu my sending her songs that remind her of fatou is super sweet for them but i always watch those scenes like good for u guys but god i would hate this smjdksjdk alsooo while for crisana i mentioned the trope of falling for the new student as a positive thing i think for kieutou i unfortunately don't rly enjoy kieu my's position as a love interest bc of the conflict between ava (fatou's bff) n kieu my (fatou's loml) but that's just personal preference bc i think druck has objectively handled it well + they rly did commit to that cashqueen/insta conflict w the r+j references which is rly cool n shows that even if it isn't rly my cup of tea they did a great job w the idea. one more thing that's kind of unfortunate is that considering the timeline & all the side plots (which i otherwise appreciate) kieutou were "on/off" maybe one too many times, i think they should've gotten rid of one of the fights they had bc it kiiinda started to get repetitive imo n especially last week i was kind of like. i still love them but what's rly drawing them together anymore which is sad but they did pull through w yesterday's & this morning's clips so! i suppose that criticism is more abt the writing than the couple itself bc i don't think going back n forth inherently makes couples bad but just the way it was done in this season wasn't my fave thing

this looks like i have so many complaints abt kieutou in comparison to crisana but that's not rly true i just have all the kieutou things fresh in my mind while it's been like a year since i was seeing crisana regularly so! if i did an eskam rewatch i would probably find more cons for them too although i don't think a rewatch would change my preference for crisana, probably just add more nuance

[arodrwho]

the painfully-heavily implied moral of a book my aunt gifted me, when i was a kid: it is good & right to forgive an abusive parent, actually; it makes u the better person & u have the moral high ground & can move on spiritually & emotionally

me, a kid: hm i like the moral high ground thing but also Fuck That. that feels off & gross. i’m going to continue to hate my birthparents thanks.

a very good (and very correct) friend, a few years ago: maybe x thing will help u forgive ur birthsibling? like, he was a kid too

me, an adult with a grudge: hm good concept but also FUck That. i don’t WANT to forgive him & shouldn’t have to & am going to continue to hate him thanks.

my therapist, a few months ago: maybe u should try to forgive ur birthparents. not for them, but for you. that’s a lot to carry around u know

me, still an adult with a grudge but moderately wiser: that’s a terrible concept and i loathe that you’ve even suggested it. i don’t WANT to forgive them & shouldn’t have to. instead i am going to be even angrier at them because suddenly i grasp that my birthsibling was a child & as much a victim as i was. moreso even. yes, i think i will increase the anger. how dare they do that. i’m going to stab them. and then perhaps you for telling me to uwu forgive for my own sake, fuck off, u call urself a therapist?? go to hell

me, simultaneously at the same time: wow this is a COMPLETE 180, 5 minutes ago we loathe him & now we’re so angry on his behalf we could scream. like we still don’t? want anything to do with him literally ever? but also we kinda wanna commit a murder for him right now. that’s pretty weird. probably growth but pretty weird. cool. let’s lean into it

me, now, currently: just saw a post abt how ppl are not obligated to forgive abusive parents & my whole brain is the above + a RESOUNDING hell yeah

-

...though also, to be clear. the good friend was the closest out of all 3 of these people to saying something Actually Helpful? like i super agree w/them now, they were & are objectively correct. but at the time my brain jammed on “forgive” & (in addition to my general knee-jerk response based on a lifetime of hearing “u should forgive, not for them but for yourself uwu”) it felt like forgiving that 1 person meant i’d have to forgive all the rest? and i was (& am) very not here for that

it. took me some time after that to realize that forgiveness doesn’t have to be unilateral

& also that it doesn’t have to.. feel like forgiveness, in the strictest sense? that’s the only reason i feel less negatively towards him now, is because i took that & redirected it at more deserving folks. it’s a lot easier to be angry about something than it is to be.. whatever forgiveness implies

it’s. easier to feel angry on my birthsiblings’ behalf than it is to feel any kind of.. true peace abt the concept of them? or any fondness, or sympathy, or. whatever other soft feelings. that all still feels weird conceptually and probably always will? to some degree?

but being pissed about what happened to them? yeah, i can manage that. and that’s... something? that’s better than before, i think. it feels better than before. fairer

and it achieves the same general result my friend was hoping for, when they suggested that, i think? i think

i haven’t forgiven my birthsiblings, exactly, but i don’t think i hate them anymore either, which. is the main thing? i suppose? like. they sure do exist. i sure don’t ever want to see them or be recognized as related to them in any way. but i also don’t think they’re like. inherently bad or poisoned people. they’re probably okay

and i vaguely hope that they’re doing okay? when i bother to think about them, which isn’t much

so--

idk.

i just feel like. people need to ?? recognize more that responses to abuse are a very.. individual thing? healing is an individual thing? and it can look a lot of different ways

& like. i thought i knew this? all my life i thought i knew this

but i... didn’t, actually. i knew maybe 4 narratives & that was it, really (1: forgive For You & allow them back into your life some, 2: forgive For You & don’t allow them back into your life at all, 3: forgive For Them because they’re Multifaceted and Your Loved One(s), And That Matters More Than Anything, Even Your Feelings/Safety, So Let Them Back Into Your Life Completely, & then 4: don’t forgive. get angry. stay angry. that’s allowed & even healthy for many ppl

but i’d never heard one that was like. yea so have you considered being angry for these people rather than at them? & have you considered you can pick & choose, so don’t have to stop being angry at these other people? & have you considered that being angry for these people will feel really weird but also very satisfying & right & result in u carrying round less resentment & shit? have u considered that anger can be good, actually in ways other than throwing endlessly at every single person who’s ever harmed u?

& it would’ve. been useful to have heard sth like that? instead of the same 4 things over & over, with “FOrgiVE(TM)” being the loudest

to conclude i dunno man i have a lot of feelings abt this & most of them--predictably--are anger

[unproduciblesmackdown]

its just wild idk how to say the experience of just like...it being a wholeass fixture in your life that you’re gonna off urself...i guess in earlier times (almost been aware of being suicidal for a whole decade babes) it was also that i just...like assumed that my future was gonna involve some whole disaster that was going to wreck the whole damn thing idk. like i always knew i didnt have the kinda situation where i had somebody to fall back on no matter what & i did very much know that i had the kinda situation where if it looked like the identity ppl thought i had fell through and it turned out i wasnt thriving in all of this and actually just kinda miserable and on my own, instead of having ppl who would be There For Me No Matter What i had the ppl who would want nothing to do w me except for further beat me down..........so yeah i guess ive been feeling like my future was only Doom since like 12 def...maybe earlier if you look at it idk its like wondering when i was starting being depressed fulltime. probs like age 3 idk

anyhow the point is....hard to explain what its like having the constant sense that you don’t have a future thats good & in your control & something you want, or that even exists right. like sometimes i imagine thinking abt the future in the ways that other ppl might, in the way that you assume you’ve got a good while and that there’s things you’ll get to do that you like or you’ll pursue your ambitions or whatever and its weird i think about it for like 3.3 sec and its like tf.........its like when you get some kinda Aroma Memory where your brain remembers that smell from 18.6 yrs ago & you have a 0.62second window to try to think of where its from while you have some fleeting visual/emotive memory.......sometimes i’ll just have some kinda emotional echo from a less depressed life and its like ?????? havent had this feeling in this exact way for a minute. its weird its like lol this doesnt belong to me anymore..

anyways for another solid like.....6-7 yrs its been kind of “i’ll be surprised if i make it another yr alive” with various ups & downs in that level of surprise along the way.....more like a Down lately lmao its wild how impossible it seems to make it a few more days or weeks when youre having a worse day than usual, having an on avg Worse period that lasts for months & months and etc is just....wild baby. if you havent felt it for even a day its not something you can really imagine. if u know what its like to feel like ur gonna die for a longterm period then you know what it is..

like always, maybe this is my year baby!!! in terms of death. if im thinking abt maybe this is the year i suddenly Succeed on all fronts and i never again have to think about kms, then that’ll be a struck-by-lighting, same-shuffled-card-deck-order twice in a row, sheer chance out of nowhere. your life isnt steered towards goodness because you’re good enough or Only As Much As You Can Handle or anything and ive been too deep in it this whole time to have ever been set up to not get the rug pulled out from under me several times over and yknow once you fall down even once, unless you’re really solidly backed up, the odds arent in your favor about not getting continuously run over the rest of the time. wind isn’t really at ur back there.

like im so glad abt every person ive run into who ive had in my life for more than like 5 hrs and im lucky that i was at least born recently enough to have had the internet/texting mostly regularly from 14 y.o. onward.....if i didnt im sure i wouldve been......even so much more isolated than i was. l o l . . . . ive got to feel like some ppl care abt me which is nice and didnt happen too much before then. its also good i draw lmao coz besides for the most part thats how i talk the best & how i get in touch w most of the ppl who end up sticking around enough i talk to more than like a couple of times.....but tho of course ive never like, found arbitrary success in terms of either my own solo financial boon to transcend any and all problems or ever just like bonding w a bunch of ppl like ride or die for life baby. coz like.....why would i do either. if you werent born into financial stability, let alone wealth, and if you didnt just happen to pick up these deep unshakeable relationships along the way at times when it didnt really matter.....good luck picking those things up further along the way when stuffs even shittier. i may’ve been lucky w the internet/texting timing but i wasnt lucky w the financial crisis hit or really just being born after the 80s, economy wise......or lucky w being isolated socially since age 4 and always having to feel distanced from ppl coz i could sense the difference & stigma of being someone abused & miserable before i was even really that self aware of the extent of those things about me.........oh well. coz again w the internet and me happening to draw enough prior to age 14 that i was always considered ��good” at it, and then finding that i like to draw fanart for myself lol....so i could at least connect w ppl some ways right. or via text posts sometimes lmao....and im lucky that the ‘net / having a phone gave me a medium for those things & being connected to some ppl. and im lucky im gay & not cis & got to figure that out & enjoy it coz thats the best thing abt me.......

anyways even if say life was perfect for me magically i still wouldnt be able to relate to seeing yourself pursue your ambitions coz like i always say...ive never really had those lmao. wasnt able to baby.....its like there’s always that idea that ppl whose life is defined by Survival, who’ve been exposed to trauma &/or abused, that if you drop them into a safe stable situation w/friends and all and whatever then suddenly they’ll be a “regular” person, like there’s some inherent core of everyone where they Know what its like to get to live in a healthy environment w a certain perspective on other ppl & how they’ll treat you, and if you just remove someone from bs they’ll just shift over to that Default that is like oh lol yeah im like everybody else. like nah its a whole different kind of world / life you’ve not even necessarily adapted to, maybe its what you grew in. and you can adapt to a better life & grow further in that but its not a matter of like “washing away” what came before....it can be an entirely separate thing. like if you haven’t experienced it you cant imagine it. i cant give someone a real sense of what its like to grow up within & live in an abusive place for decades. and i can’t guess who i would be if i’d grown up / lived in a completely different, better situation. coz thats a whole fundamental change from the start. it’d be such a different person that it wouldn’t even make sense to call it an alternate version of “me.”

well anyways i always feel like i’m bound to kms & that bad things are impending sooner than later & when they happen i’ll get a new set of incoming bad shit to feel bearing down & etc & i dont have things i want except a cessation of living under dread & feeling like my existence is in the way & theres ppl around i gotta be on my guard for & i’m only gonna kms eventually here, theres a long lifespan & for being to off yourself at any given time, also im jealous of ppl who’ve had a nicely sized friend group where they’ve always been able to hang out w one person at least whenever they wanted to / needed to. at least i’m gay, baby. i honestly do feel like that tweet where its like i cant kill myself b/c what if im a straight guy in my next life? @ god i cant do it. like lmao for real though......in my past life maybe i was an 80s gay. syke if i have a past life it was probably a cat. maybe a cat of an 80s gay. i can only hope