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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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THE NEW BOYFRIEND IS THE THERAPIST???
AS IN THE RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST WHO TED EXPLICITLY MENTIONED WAS MICHELLE’S PERSONAL THERAPIST FIRST???
THAT THERAPIST???
HEY ASSHOLE IT’S FUCKING ILLEGAL TO SLEEP WITH YOUR CLIENTS
#the rule is TWO YEARS after therapy stops and EVEN THEN it’s super fucking creepy#on a side note i hate hate HATE that sharon just signed off#just fucking hung up the phone like ‘okay byeeeee’#like i know it was for a joke but the entire previous season established her as a bit grating but genuinely A GOOD THERAPIST#NO therapist worth their certification should just sign off like that#even if your time is up you NEED to take just a minute to help close up what you spent the session opening up#bc otherwise you’re leaving your patient incredibly emotionally unbalanced and vulnerable#it’s not a case of shoving things down—you come back to them later in another session—BUT YOU DON’T JUST LEAVE#ted is CLEARLY in a state of distress and NEEDS some reassurance#can one—ONE—fictional therapist be good???? PLEASE????#ted lasso#3.03 4-5-1#jacob bryanson#aj watches
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Me: oh no, my stomach has been acting up a lot for 2 weeks already, and I have a trip to England in a few days...
Google: You can't use Imodium for more than 48h!!!
Me: Ah, shit. A literal shit!
Me: Doctor, please, is there any medication for IBS?
Doctor: No, unfortunately. Imodium typically helps.
Me: I've been using it and it does help. How long can I use it in one go?
Doctor: Up to 3 weeks. Here's a prescription for you. Just take less when your symptoms start to subside.
Me: Oh heaven's bless QuQ
#if you don't know how it is to live with a stomach#which will shit out everything you put inside when the flaring happens#when eating ANYTHING is like playing Russian roulette with diarrhea#where you NEED TO go to a toilet in THAT INSTANT and not 5 minutes later#be SUPER HAPPY#this is a genetic family curse from both parents' side#this is what happens when your families live in the same fucking 200km area for at least 650 years#breeding with one another#I've been really stressed out lately with everything#with finances and the job#the company I work in has gone to bankruptcy and I'm pretty much waiting for them to kick me out#Patreon income has dried to 1/3 since I stopped drawing FUZZY#PMS isn't helping this at all#the IUD has been a blessing but it hasn't taken all of PMS away#which it apparently even doesn't do#tmi#niu's life#i need the new job#something where I can operate despite by diseases
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SPEAKING OF WHICH are there like any chill wizard101 discord servers or group chats that I could join. Or if anyone just wanna add me on discord shoot me a tumblr DM because I'm lonely and I like you guys :)
#ive had this thought for a while BUT IM JUST SHY. but after the soap opera morganthe dream i just had i need wizard friends to yell at#i got like one wizard mutual on discord already. if youre reading this you know who u are. love you /p <3#other than that one person NONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS ON DISCORD PLAY THE GAME AND IM LOBELY#I WANNA TALK ABOUT WIZARDS AND SHIT#altho ill probably be a useless discord discussion partner because i have no literary comprehension-#-and i havent played the source material in years. okay#all my knowledge on wizard101 is either personal headcanons im now considering as facts or secondhand knowledge from the internet#also my ocs. i love talking about my ocs even though they have the depth of cardboard#ALSO LOVE HEARING ABOUT OTHER PPLS OCS THATS MY FAVORITE THING TO READ FROM MY FRIENDS#like you could dm me at 4 in the morning to talk about your ocs i would be so happy#altho fair warning i can suck at dms bc im an anxious little chihuahua so if ur gonna add me i must warn u. i text back 5 years later#either i send 200 messages in the span of 5 minutes or you wont hear from me until we're both 30. sorry thats just the autism for u#BUT YEAH if anyone wants to add me they can#this fandom is like the only fandom in the world im comfy with interacting with LMAO#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts
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It's Tua Tuesday. Today's theme is the little concentration face he makes when he's listening to Mike.
#I love Mike's cerebral cryptic ass lmao#you ask that man one question and 5 minutes and 5 jokes later you might have something that resembles an answer lmao#i can only imagine that Tua has majored in Mike McDaniel-ese by now#like coach I just asked you how your weekend was I didn't need to know about ancient Rome#he loves that man#happy tuasday#miami dolphins#nfl#tua tagovailoa#mike mcdaniel
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#I struggled with what to talk about in therapy this week so of course my chronic illness said cHALLENGE ACCEPTED.#but here’s the kicker — I know the second I open that box that it is going to fuck me up so I’ve been drifting past it#but. idk.#I want to sit on the floor in therapy but I can’t even say it cause it sounds stupid but I really want to sit on the fucking floor#I know if I’m not ready to dive in then I’ll undo progress#but equally I’ll never be ready cause the medical trauma bullshit runs so deep and is so prevalent in all aspects because the fucking#disease is prevalent everywhere and#I don’t have the resilience for any of it#I have one dose of victoza left and that’s it - the pharmacy have giving me 5 IOU’s so far#and I was finally seeing my numbers steadying out#and it makes me so angry because it’s too much#it’s too much to advocate for yourself and research and manage and try and you ask for help and you get shit in return#and I’m so burnt out with it but you can’t even BE fully burnt out because that would mean death#so all you can do is be a bad student#and then the endocrinologist tuts#in your five minute appointment that you waited 18 months for#it’s too fucking much I WANT A FUCKING BREAK#will delete this later#just needed to rant and get it out of me so it doesn’t fester like always#I’m tired#t1dlookslikeme#type 1 diabetes
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going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao
#still on the fence about it bc the burnout i experienced at the beginning of may extended to aubrey#especially bc so much of my aubrey stuff is comedy about gender and my brain was more in ''set everything on fire'' mode#and i think i've gotten to a good place with that burnout but i still haven't worked on any aubrey stuff since i got home from college#but even still even tho my mental health is better than it was a few weeks ago#recently i have had this horrible insomnia where i haven't been able to fall asleep at night in over a week#(i've made up for it with naps but still i am not mentally 100% rn. i've tried so many things and nothing has worked.)#so that's my justification for *not* doing aubrey tomorrow. however.#i reeeally need to get more performance experience bc there's only so much you can develop a sketch character without performing them#and this venue is so good. it's an art gallery like an hour away that's designed to be part gallery and part performance venue#especially for comedy. like the venue owner is this veteran comedian who used to work with bobcat goldthwait and a lot of other big names#and it's a low-pressure environment bc everyone there has seen me do comedy before with my improv troupe#but they still haven't seen me do aubrey at all so it's bringing a new side of my comedy to some of my main collaborators#like this is so much better than my previous aubrey performances bc they were all either#1. shows in CLASSROOMS with a bunch of my classmates who generally don't get my comedy (very clique-ish)#or 2. a guest spot on a show at a coffee shop where everyone knew each other except me#plus the biggest thing for me is the lack of a strict time limit. like as much as having a good 3-minute monologue can be#i think aubrey is a character you need to get to know a bit longer than 3 minutes. and a lot of my stuff is long while also being very tigh#like not every monologue is like this but my best aubrey monologues are almost like aubrey is telling you a sitcom storyline#and removing too many lines makes the whole narrative jenga tower fall over#and as much as i want to figure out how to make every monologue a good starting point#having the chance to perform multiple monologues if i get to go twice so that they can build off each other would be perfect#idk i'm not sure how often the open mics are there. at least monthly tho i might be missing next month's depending on when i'm in toronto#so like this wouldn't really be my only chance. but yeah i'm on the fence about whether to bring aubrey back for a performance tomorrow#i probably wouldn't do new material. i'd do the 5 minute version of my uncle reg monologue bc it's the one that's worked best so far#and if i get to do multiple. maybe i'd do the ''nom de plum'' monologue bc i think it's also very strong#and it has a good callback to uncle reg#but idk i also think doing the song would be very fun and on-theme since it's pride month and the song is a satire of rainbow capitalism#tho i'd probably have to rework the monologue that leads into the song bc even tho i loved the concept i don't think i articulated it well#or i could write an entirely different lead-in and make the previous monologue (''C/H/M'') a separate thing to revise later#which would probably go better and somehow be less work to write. but even so i don't know what the venue's sound setup is
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#second half of the semester just started and I'm immediately falling behind and the play is starting to really kick off and theres so much#theres just so much it's starting to feel like I'm drowning in it a little all its too much#I have so much “free time” but I either am forgetting things I need to do or hyperfixating on something just a little too much to pull away#my campus is changing whether I like it or not#my 3D design prof's policies are starting to get to me#(required attendance or you loose points I got a point off my perfect attendance for being 5 minutes late for bad roads#and policies for late work and shitty feedback so I dont know how to get my grade up more)#all of my grades are good for now but#things are piling up#I should be able to do all this no problem#but I'm falling behind on classwork and homework#I'm doing chores so late and days after I shouldve if at all#I don't know why but everything is just starting to go off track all at once#it's not bad right now#but#I'm about to loose my weekends for the next month to the show#everything going on is things I'm enjoying#my classes the show streams and D&D#so it should be okay#but it's not and I'm starting to struggle and i don't know why#I'm getting overwhelmed and I'm more tired and I'm zoning out too much#I just... I don't know#maybe I'm just tired...#vent post#personal vent#vent#to delete#will probably delete this later...#personal post#I need more floortime
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okay facing consequences of my actions
#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time#okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me#everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not!#so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers#I do Not have time#if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be#with other people around I kinda need that y#so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX#I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly#so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight#okay. fuck. I hate this#if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep#it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more#I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap#the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values#the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species#that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates#method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us#but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence#i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly#it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but#I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for#wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence#and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone#not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works#which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so#okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most#luke.txt
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the entirety of BFDI so far is 16:10:39 (hours, minutes, seconds). assuming the average sleep time is 8 hours, then that's a little more than typical waking hours
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#binging the entirety of BFDI in one sitting (from BFDI 1a to TPOT 6) is. possible. but barely#unless you like. stay up a long time_ later on this is just. going to be impossible#that is if you want to stay healthy sleep schedule-wise#and so far we only have 6 TPOT episodes. considering we have 35 (i think) contestants_ 2 contestants eliminated#if that stays true until. uhhhh. let's say an avg of 3 members per team for merge (or first merge)#3 * 6 = 18#that's almost half of 35. so it would take 17 or 18 episodes to get there if. i'm right which is unlikely#now if 1 contestant is eliminated after 1st merge that would take 15 for final three 16 for final two#if the same stays true (until final four/two) then it'd be 7ish for final four/three or 8 for final two#17 + 7 + 1 for the smallest estimate. that's 25.#each episode is about 25 minutes (assuming trends stay the same) so it'd be 625 minutes more (or 10 hours 25 minutes)#that is_ assuming that 1. tpot doesn't get canceled 2. 1st merge will happen when teams have 3 contestants avg#we'll need to wait about... 3 to 5 years (if the show gets completed) to see how many episodes (and how long they are) there'll be#(since assuming each episode comes in a month + half times that by 25 for a little over 3 years as the lower estimate and 5 as just. a vibe#- based guess)#if 625 mins is correct then it'd be over 26 hours long also known as more than a day. so. binge-watching all of bfdi is probably impossible#- when it all gets completed (assuming there isnt ANOTHER season after tpot. and who knows?)
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finished the scarlet dlc epilogue :)
it was. without exaggeration. Horrible :)
#literally within the first 5 minutes i was like#''oh god this is about to be incredibly fucking stupid isn't it'' and then it WAS#im.#no words#mostly i have died of second hand embarrassment#the only good thing was the battle music was funky and fresh#and the new pokemon has a really cool ability that i'm curious to see how it works in the competitive scene#apart from that. the epilogue didn't happen#still intrigued by the idea of making kitakami a prologue to the scarlet/violet storyline#but the ideas i keep coming up with change a LOT of the tone of the overall story so i'm still deciding#i'll gather my final thoughts later for now: i need to. step away#kellyn plays#edit:#AND YOU KNOW#i'm REALLY trying to remind myself that at the end of the day this game is marketed towards kids#but even with that in mind i think it was so fucking BAD#i just wanted to have a fun and cute adventure with my friends in kitakami not...#whatever the fuck that was
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One night was washed out with heavy rain, the next night was too dangerous, and now the hurricanes decide to just pack it all in for not much???? Big bash is dead.
#cricket#i don't even like cricket#cancel the whole lot#also old Nick caught Jack#also i left work at 5:20 after sending off a revised return and 10 minutes later my boss texts me she wants to review the revised returns??#like I've had that job to send out for A WEEK she knows I've had that for a week and NOW she wants to review it????#Jesus#also can the new guys not be assholes#ok so tony is okay he's really good and 'hugh' is much much better but the other two.....#one of them just pressures me to do things NOW like everything he needs is urgent and ugh i don't know#The other one just ugh he always mumbles at me and then acts like I'm the idiot when i have to say what?#like no you're mumbling you barely open your mouth#i asked what his role was at Woolworths (his part time job) several times and still have no idea#actually he might have said fill#couldn't even work out which store he worked at#Sophia really likes him though well she likes all of them#she doesn't know that Tony doesn't want to be doing super funds#and that no one except 'hugh' can input data into BGL properly#imagine if one of them stumbled across my blog and saw all this#god help me#The only person I've ever worked with that's mentioned Tumblr is Rebecca please god let her be the only one on here#i wouldn't even know her blog or anything i only know she likes f1 which doesn't narrow it down at all
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So I watched the first episodes or so of Adventure Time. Is there I guess....a um...breathrough episode that makes you like fall in love with it?
I just looked through them and not going to lie the first season is definitely not my favorite. The first season is where you meet a lot of the characters and see the universe. They are mainly super random and silly.
The first episode of season 2 is pretty good you get to learn more about Marceline and her dad.
S3 Ep9 - first fionna and cake episode (again not my favorite episodes but they are important to know who they are if you want to watch fionna and cake (the series) in the future)
S3 E26 - you get to meet flame princess for the first time 🥰🫶🫶🫶🫶
S4 E26 - The Lich - this is where the story part comes in and it gets GOOOOOOD. There are a few episodes before this that have some story I think but it’s very light if I remember right. This is where things kinda turn in adventure time in my opinion
S5 Ep1 - you get to meet Prismo!!! More story! Good shit
#ok ok ok#so I think if you want to get hooked on adventure time I would start watching from season 4 episode 26#I know I know it sounds like a big jump but like I said I think the first few seasons are mainly just introducing the characters#kinda seeing where everyone lives and their personalities#there are some story episodes in the earlier seasons but I don’t think anything important#it’s one of those shows where usually you can just watch and instantly know what’s going on#you don’t have to watch them in order buuut once you get to the story part it’s better to watch in order just in case#it’s hard to explain cause most of them are Willy nilly and silly but after the end of season 4 you have more chance to get to story#and THEN season 7 is where you get to go into the depths of the characters and their backstories#all of the episodes are 10ish minutes but then season 7 and beyond have multiple parts to some of them#so like the first one is all about Marceline and it has 8 parts#I think that’s all I wanted to say????#but I definitely understand not falling in love with it right away#it was just a thrown on show for awhile until I got to the story story and I was like OH?????? OK I SEE YOU#feel like I wanted to say more but here you gooooo#I think if you wanted to start S4 E26 and get into the story and then if you fall in love with it you can always go back#and watch the beginning seasons#but I definitely don’t think you need to watch the first few seasons to understand what’s going on later#and if you watch the end of season 4 and the beginning of season 5 and it’s still not your jam that’s alright!#I’m sure it’s not for everyone#ask
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My train got cancelled :(
#public transport#which is just typical isnt it. tbought i was gonna be late as well yet i got there earlier than needed and the train isnt even running#its a later train than i wanted to get as well so the replacement is even later im not even surprised#i forgot my tooth brush and my ice tea despite the fact i knew i was forgetting something when i was grabbing my keys#ya know when you just want something to go perfection that even the littlest inconveniences are just ruining? yeah.#havent seen these friends in 5 months thought i was all prepared now im not gonna there on time and i dont even have everything i need#pretty sure i forgot some other things too which is stupid cus i was ahead of schedule until the last minute
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enjoying elden ring has made me check out the first Dark Souls and it's actually better at making me want to play it because of how angry I am at whatever my current lethal obstacle is
#like Elden Ring makes me angry at stuff killing me as well but the open world aspect makes it feel oh I'll just go somewhere else#while Dark Souls is more linear and has a very clear thing that I know I need to get past to see the rest of the game#and my pure unbridled rage makes me quit the game and launch it again 5 minutes later because COME ON#yknow ?#anyway I'm in Blighttown rn and Quelaag is kicking my ass#( if you want an Elden Ring update as well i gotta get to Raya Lucaria and my understanding is I'm gonna have to slay a dragon to get in#)#shevr
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Rant ahead
#okay so#I teach pre-k just so everyone knows before I go on my thing#so I have the oldest class right the 4/5 year olds YKNOW#and our youngest are little 2 and a half year olds so I GOT BABY BABIES#okay so we had our field trip to the pumpkin patch which we do every year without a hitch#this year we had A T O N more parents wanting to go which fine#like 5 in my class alone#so my NEWEST BEEF WITH PARENTS#if you are going on a field trip with your YOUNG CHILDREN TO A VERY PUBLIC AND PACKED PLACE#p l e a s e dear god either take them or let me watch them#PICK ONE JUST PIC K AN OPTION I AM SO USED TO WATCHING THEM I PROMISE YOU I DO NOT ACTUALLY NEEED YOU#but doing that back and forth BULLSHIT WHILE I HAVE 15 OTHER CHILDREN IS NOT THE MOVE#because I am now my headcount is all over and now I have 5 children who I don’t FUCKING KNOW IF THEYRE WITH ME OR NOT#AND THEN!!!! THEN!!! NOT ONE BUT T W O TWO TWO T W O OF MY CHILDREN#T W O OF THEM BEGAN WONDERING OFF like I need you guys to understand this is a huge farm/cornfield/pumpkin patch BIG PLACE#wander WHATEVER IM NOT FIXING IT#NOT A PARENT IN SIGHT SO I T O O K THEM#only to have their parents COEM TO ME A WHOLE 15/20 MINUTES LATER BEING LIEK ‘oh sorry I got distracted’#then give me attitude when I’m like ‘they’re just a part of my headcount now’ like STAY WITH THE GROUP NOW#I’m not risking losing a little child#keep in mind this is with MY class#the little guys ONE OF THE DAD’S WHOLE ASS LOST HIS CHILD CAME PNICKING OVER FOUND HIM S O B B I N G AND HE WENT TO THE TRACHER FIRST#anyways#pick one#I really honestly truly am so used and OKAY with having all my class because they are little Angel babies for me#(and yes I got many compliments on how polite and sweet my littles are from the staff thank u one of the best behaved groups THANK YOU)#I lost my train of thought#pls if you come on a field trip just stay with the group or don’t#pick a side choose a side I don’t c a r e what side you choose PICK ONE
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