#*two times if you're counting the run right before this screenshot. i was so so close and hadn't restarted and i killed him and then DIED T

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. An ULTRAKILL screenshot of the end of level P-1: Soul Survivor, on standard difficulty. The screen displays that OP took 3 minutes and 5.18 seconds to complete it, got the required two kills, and ended with 9648 style points, not dying a single time. In other words, it's a perfect P-rank. End ID]

easy boss

[oldguardleatherdog]

I am being smeared as a "predatory transphobe" to hundreds of thousands of people by Rainbow Passage, a so-called "trans rescue" nonprofit that's covering up its safety failures and misconduct by attacking me and placing my family in danger. Deliberately.

There's a headline I'll bet you never thought you'd see on this blog, and you can be sure I never expected to write it, but here we are. I want you to hear about it from me first before the smear campaign against me poisons your feed.

Regular readers know that I've been fighting for LGBTQ+ civil rights for nearly 40 years, with an emphasis on mobilizing against the "trans panic" sweeping America the past two years, the horrific laws already in place, and the stark plans for eradication laid out in Project 2025. The notion that I'm "transphobic" in any way is absurd. But -

Three weeks ago, YouTube streamer trolls went to the Rainbow Passage website - their unsecured, login-free website - looking for dirt that could bring their operations to a halt. They found my picture and bio listed as a director for the organization.

That was all they needed, and in short order I was the star of several full-length videos and livestreams featuring breathless, jeering takes on my kink life, my history, my family, my age, my AIDS, my September 11th survival (suddenly I was "running the organization" and "hosting 9/11 reenactment roleplays!"), my looks, my unsuitability to be involved with a trans rescue organization, and everything you can imagine a middle-school playground would highlight. At this writing, I've been held out for ridicule, harassment, and threats ("it's time for this dogfucker to be euthanized") to a quarter-million people and counting.

Why?

Because Rainbow Passage failed to implement even the most basic security on that website, despite my multiple warnings in board meetings that this scenario was likely to happen and that we were prime targets for this kind of abuse.

To be honest, everything that the streamers made fun of me for has been said and done to me a thousand times a year for the past 30 years. Heard it all before, nothing new, just the same old "lookit the AIDS-ridden perv faggot old man pretending to be a dog, hurr durr hurr durr!". All those hours of video and they couldn't come up with anything new? These people need better writers.

Here's the issue: Two of the leaders of this sad and tiresome brigade (one named "Blowcockx" or something equally clever, the other one is discussed below) seized on a recent exchange I had with a group of leftist "Trans For Trump" (yep, you read that right) that was mobbing me on Bluesky for objecting when someone referred to Biden as "Genocide Joe". These people were vile and vicious, saying that my gender was "shit beard" and lobbing remarks and insults at me that would make a MAGA blush.

One of the Bluesky mob (who may or may not have been transgender) said, "Prove you're an activist," to which I countered, "Okay, prove you're trans." (Screenshots of my three additional replies referencing "fake trans" to their accusations of my being a "fake activist" and other vomitous epithets, along with screenshots of the posts to which I was replying, can be found after the jump.)

During the mob attack on me and Rainbow Passage. a disgruntled former member of the Rainbow Passage community - a 20-year-old trans girl who had first warned me about the YouTube hijacking and who leaked my personal identifying information and private chats with her to the Twitter trolls and worse - went to Clearsky and harvested my replies without the posts I was replying to, leaked them to the YouTube streamers and Twitter trolls, along with selected portions of our lengthy private chat from Discord, then threatened Rainbow Passage with another attack if they didn't "denounce" me and my replies to the disgusting attacks on me by the Trans Trumpers of Bluesky.

To prove her point, this young trans woman and her girlfriend started a thread about me on Kiwi Farms, where I was the featured post for about a week, and told Rainbow Passage that the same would happen to them - and worse, including the revocation of their nonprofit status with the IRS and the end of their ability to raise funds - if they didn't publicly condemn me for my Bluesky attack replies.

And what did the oh-so-courageous chairwoman and board members who "cared so much" about me, do in response to those threats?

They caved. They capitulated. They allowed a troubled individual with an axe to grind and her little gang of fake-outraged trans shitposters to dictate their handling of a serious and sensitive matter where a former director of the organization and his family were in active danger and under siege. These people, who claim to have the bravery to "rescue" endangered trans people from Texas and Florida, folded like a cheap tissue-paper prom dress, revealing their utter lack of integrity, ethics, or courage.

The statement Rainbow Passage put out, which at this writing has been seen by at least 60,000 people on Twitter alone, is filled with false accusations about my attitude toward the transgender members of the LGBTQ+ community, outright lies about my character and conduct, weirdly characterizes me as a predatory stalker, and warns the general public that I am a bad, bad person who should be avoided and shunned as unfit for decent people in a civilized society. They provide ZERO evidence to support any of their claims against me, their accusations and assertions about me, or their characterization of me as "transphobic."

From my statement below: "Rainbow Passage knew that issuing this statement would intensify the threats, harassment, and stalking of me and my family. They issued it anyway. This statement is a willful and malicious act of violence.

"Rainbow Passage caused a queer elder with AIDS to be featured on a website known for harassing LGBTQ+ people to death and driving them from their homes, while smearing him to hundreds of thousands of people and inciting attacks on him and his family - but they want you to trust them to keep our most vulnerable members safe from harm."

If Rainbow Passage can't and won't protect their own staff (and volunteers, and clients) from harmful exposure to malicious attackers online and IRL, and shifts blame for their failures and lapses of care onto the staff members while caving to threats from random kids, how can they be trusted to keep the most vulnerable members of this community safe from harm during one of their "rescue" missions? If something goes wrong and that client ends up in jail, will Rainbow Passage blame the client for that outcome the same way they're blaming me for their colossal failure to keep their own people safe?

Rainbow Passage's rank AIDSphobia, their calculated smear of a four-decade veteran LGBTQ+ and HIV/AIDS activist, their capitulation to threats from an under-21 trans Kiwi Farms shitposter with an axe to grind, and their hateful, craven, deliberate act of putting my family and me in physical danger, show them to be not only a collection of unwise and uncaring individuals who have abused me and betrayed my trust: The current chairwoman, board, and staff of Rainbow Passage are manifestly and utterly unfit to run this organization. They are not capable of keeping our most vulnerable members out of harm's way, they should not be regarded as worthy of our trust in any way, personally or professionally, and the organization needs to be stripped of its nonprofit status and must cease operations so that a new LGBTQ+ and trans rescue group can quickly be established and get to work.

[Alt text and screenshots follow after the jump.]

STATEMENT OF ANIMAL J. SMITH REGARDING THE RAINBOW PASSAGE SMEAR CAMPAIGN

These allegations are false. Rainbow Passage is deliberately and maliciously spreading lies about me to hundreds of thousands of people on this and other platforms in a calculated smear campaign to cover up their reckless disregard for the safety of their vulnerable clients and their failure to protect them. To date, they have provided no explanation or evidence of "transphobic rhetoric and behavior" on my part. They failed to protect me, a former director of the organization, from sustained and brutal online harassment, threats, doxing, and stalking that began more than three weeks ago and continues unabated with the active encouragement of chair Amy Nicole Check and the members of the board, putting me and my family in danger of being driven from our home and causing major distress and disruption to our lives and health.

On Saturday, April 13th, I received word that the Rainbow Passage website had been targeted by YouTube streamers who had seen a rival say good things about the organization and went to the website to find information that would "expose" Rainbow Passage. The trolls found my name and photograph, then went into my public-facing social media and began streaming about me and my life and work.

In several lengthy videos and livestreams, the YouTube trolls held me and my family up for sustained public ridicule, humiliation, and targeted harassment, spreading to more than a quarter-million people details about my personal life, my sex life, my family, my being a survivor of September 11th, the fact that I have AIDS, and every other aspect of my life and history that they could harvest. Although my social media is largely public by design, the contents were never intended to be stolen and distributed to thousands in a malicious manner designed to damage me.

The only reason I was targeted and humiliated in this way is that I was a director for Rainbow Passage and was discovered when the organization's unsecured, login-free website was targeted - a scenario I had warned them about on multiple occasions. Despite my warnings, no security measures were ever implemented. On Monday, April 15th, I resigned my position due to Check's exploding at me in an unprovoked torrent of verbal abuse during a call that afternoon.

My work as an LGBTQ+ and HIV/AIDS activist over the past 38 years (including ACT/UP, Queer Nation SF, AIDS quarantine initiatives, medical cannabis, marriage equality, and prisoners with AIDS) is well known and has always included advocacy for the transgender community. In fact, I have prioritized trans rights activism in response to the rising tide of hatred toward transgender Americans, and I have received support from people in the transgender community who know me and have seen me in action as an activist and a friend.

After an initial offer of help that wouldn't come for a full week, I said that my family and I were in immediate danger, that this was happening solely because I was part of their organization, and that their security failure was to blame. They then instantly denied any responsibility, blamed me for the situation, and withdrew their offer of help. I have been told that they are aware of the ongoing harassment and cyberbullying being directed at my family and me. They knew that this statement would intensify the threats, harassment, and stalking of me and my family. They issued it anyway. This statement is a willful and malicious act of violence.

Rainbow Passage was threatened by the leaders of these attacks that if they did not "denounce" me they would face the loss of their tax-exempt status and worse. As part of the threat, I was featured on the front page of the notorious Kiwi Farms website, a 4chan-like forum known for driving their LGBTQ+ targets into hiding and to suicide.

Rainbow Passage caused a queer elder with AIDS to be featured on a website known for harassing LGBTQ+ people to death and driving them from their homes, while smearing him to hundreds of thousands of people and inciting attacks on him and his family - but they want you to trust them to keep our most vulnerable members safe from harm.

These liars want you to believe the fiction that a four-decade LGBTQ+ activist is a predatory transphobe. They think you'll fall for the stories they're telling and approve of the damage they're causing. What nerve. Their contempt for me - and for you - has no place in our community or in our lives.

- Animal J. Smith, April 25, 2024

[feelbokkie]

Sorry, Right Number | Chapter 16

pairing: idol!Chan x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff,strangers to lovers, pen pals/hidden identity, forbidden love, celebrity romance

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of sex (Channie down bad) (down boy),

summary: Being an idol can be lonely and isolating. After one fun and adventurous night at a bar, Chan decides to text the girl he met the night before. Except, she gave him the the wrong number?

word count: 1,364

screenshot count: 11

taglist: closed

previous | masterlist | next

©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

You quickly run to the front door to let Chan in. You didn't want to imagine the reaction that would come from either of your roommates if they answered the door and Bang Chan was on the other side. You quickly give Chan a kiss to greet him. You haven't seen in a couple of days because he was actively working on music and having a meeting with JYP himself after the kidnapping incident.

"Hi my love," Chan gives you a big toothy grin, his dimples showing.

"Hi To-To," He hands you a bouquet of flowers, smiling sheepishly.

"For you, and the apartment of course."

"Of course," You take his hand and lead him into the kitchen where Sun Hee is standing by the sink.

Her back is turned to you. She is almost certainly eating something. You told her no snacking until dinner but she never listens when it comes to food.

"Sunnie? Chris is here." You say softly as to not startle her. You bounce from foot to foot in anticipation as you wait for her to turn around.

Sun Hee quickly turns around to meet you and Chan, putting something her mouth. When her eyes meet you and Chan, her eyes grow impossibly wide. She points to Chan and opens her mouth to say something. Breathing in too quickly, she swallows whatever is in her mouth and immediately starts choking. Chan quickly springs into action, giving her the heimlich maneuver. You watch as whatever went down Sun Hee's throw dislodge and roll onto the floor. She was choking on a green grape.

Sun Hee doubles over as she tries to catch her breath. Chan rubs her back, making sure she's good, giving you a concerned look.

"Holy...shit... B-Bang Chan just saved my fucking life." She pants, trying to breathe.

"Literally this time," You add.

"You're dating Bang Chan!" She nearly screams.

"More than just dating," Chan smirks, joining you again.

"Topher, please calm your horny ass down."

"You're have sex with Bang Chan." She whispers this time, like a reporter from Dispatch is hiding in your cupboards.

"If she gave me the chance," He mutters under his breath.

"Christopher, I will send you home." You groan.

"Holy shit... Holy fuck! This entire time? And you didn't tell me? But we tell each other everything... But if you didn't tell me, you must have had a good reason. A great reason actually. Because you're dating a fucking idol. Not just an idol, the idol. And bitches be crazy. And you wanted to protect your safety. But you eventually came to tell me, so we're good." She says quickly.

"Did you just panic and then calm yourself down?" You question?

"My new talent: walking myself to a ledge and then immediately walking away from it. We do need to actually talk later when you-know-who-is-here." She whispers you you, making sure Chan doesn't hear. You nod you hair and look back at your boyfriend, smiling reassuringly.

"I like her," Chan smiles, amused.

"What's going on--" The three of you turn around to find that Hana is frozen in place, impossibly still at the dining room table.

"Hana, I'd like you to meet Topher, my boyfriend." You beam shyly.

***

You watch from the door as Chan climbs down your apartment stairs, heading in the direction of the bus stop. You two decided that it’s better if you travel by public transportation when going to see each other. It’s more inconspicuous than if Chan were to travel by company car.

You close the door to your apartment and drop your smile before turning around to face your roommates. Hana sat on the couch typing furiously on her phone.

"What the fuck is your problem? You were rude the entire time Chan was here." You ask, standing in front of your roommate fists balled in anger.

Ever since Hana snapped out of her catatonic stupor when she first stumbled on you, Sun Hee, and Chan in the kitchen, she's been uncharacteristically rude to both you and Chan. Sure, she can get mean, but she was never outright rude to guests. She actively made comments against your relationship. Even poking fun at the fact that you must have a fetish for Australian men. Or that Chan is like your sugar daddy now.

"My problem? What's your problem? What are you doing dating Bang Chan?" She drops her phone next to her and crosses her arms.

"Hoes mad," Sun Hee jokes. Both you and Hana shoot her a look that makes her smile drop. Sun Hee mutters an apology and sits down quietly in the armchair.

"What do you mean 'what and am I doing dating him?' We like each other and want to be a couple." You explain as calmly as possible.

"He's supposed to be my boyfriend!" She mutters furiously under their breath.

"Girl, what is your delusional ass talking about now?" Sun Hee asks fully concerned.

"Years, wasted. I spent all that time and money for what? For him to fuck up the number because they're similar. Years tracking him and molding my personality to be someone he'll like and he falls for you? Really? All those late nights and early mornings waiting by the JYP building just to catch a glimpse of him and you've been secretly just hanging out with him for months? All those meetings and he doesn't remember me?" Hana's voice becomes frenzied with each sentence.

"Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?" You ask now, getting more annoyed by your roommate's sudden change of attitude.

"Hana, you didn't..." Sun Hee whispers.

"And he chose you? What's so special about you? Your dad is dead? Oh, give me a break."

"Hana," Sun Hee warns.

"No, let her sasaeng ass talk. You've just been going around following Chan for years? For what?" You question, getting mad. You had most of Stray Kids and JYPE accusing you of being a sasaeng all the while Hana was actually out in the world stalking your boyfriend.

"To date him, obviously. Have him sweep me off my feet and give me the life I deserve. You don't deserve that life Y/n,"

"Wait, so the number he had originally was yours?" Sun Hee asks, trying to understand what's going on.

"Of course, it was fucking mine! Do you think I'm just having a fit to be a bitch?"

"Yes, actually, because you're quite literally insane. You're out here stalking men because your single ass can't get anyone to like you back." Sun Hee argues back.

You stare at the two of them, just arguing back and forth. Sun Hee getting angry for you, as she always has. You feel sick to your stomach. You weren't close to Hana in the first place, but she was always more of your friend than Sun Hee's.

"You literally bias Changbin, what is wrong with you?"

"Who gives a fuck about Changbin?"

"You really are sick. Chan is never going to love you back you delusional fuck."

"Oh please, Chan is not only ugly but also fucking stupid. He should have been aborted. A child dragging a fork across a marble floor could so much better than he could--"

Smack

Sun Hee stares at you in shock. You stand over Hana, who is clutching her cheek, staring at the floor. Your icy stare burning holes into her, making it hard not to back away. Your lips pressed together in anger as you clench your fists, trying to calm yourself down.

"Get the fuck out," You spite.

"What?" She asks, whipping her head up, tears in her eyes.

"You can't live here anymore. Say what you want about me, but you cannot say anything bad about Chan. Even if he wasn't my boyfriend, you have no idea what he went through to get where he is. You should know better than anyone since you literally stalked him for years. So get the fuck out. Nobody wants you here anyway."

"Where am I supposed to go?" She questions, tears falling down her face.

"You have enough money to follow the boys across the world. Get a hotel," You say cooly before storming off to the bathroom.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist; closed

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@ventusnonexpectat @kibs-and-bits @jiisungllvr  @majorlymismanaged @s00buwu @badgergirlsblog @rag-iii @lanatheawesome @143lix @jaiuneamesolitaiire @veedoesntknaur @brain-empty-only-draken @jaydebow @allaboutyej8 @skz-streamer @weird-bookworm @spearb-99 @marked-unknown @thesassy-mia @kalopsian-thoughts @gruszkasmierci @aslou @chlodavids @greyyeti @thepeopleintheback @hanjiies @jihanniee @skzhoes @imsiriuslyreal @amyysfics

[charmandabear]

Office Hours - Chapter Twelve

Summary:

You finally work up the nerve to ask Astarion about his past.

Pairing: Astarion/f!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 7.6k

Tags/Warnings: discussions of traumatic pasts, not just Astarion's, but Tav's as well, specifically partner abuse; depiction of a panic attack; mentions of (canon-typical) violence; spoilers for Heathers the Musical; somewhat feral kissing that honestly at this point shouldn't surprise anyone with these two

This chapter should be fine to read if you're not familiar with the plot of Heathers (movie or musical) but in case you want to read a quick summary, you can get that here.

I have officially retconned chapter 9 that Karlach got the home brewed beer from Lakrissa, not Aradin.

I can't believe I got the chapter out on both AO3 and Tumblr on the same day! It's been a few chapters since this has happened lol. As per usual, the screenshots are from @zipzoomzaria, although with me recently downloading the free cam mod I cannot take ENOUGH screenshots. I'll be uploading those soon.

Read it on AO3 ~ Masterlist

Astarion’s chest feels cool beneath your cheek as you slowly blink yourself awake. You listen to the sound of his breathing for a few moments – not a necessary impulse for him, just one he never unlearned. You eventually turn your head upward to see him looking at his phone. He notices you stir and a smile spreads across his face as he puts his phone down.

“Good morning,” he lilts, rubbing your shoulder gently with his thumb. You strain your neck up towards him, wordlessly asking for a kiss. He leans down and obliges, his chilled lips working against your warm ones, still sticky from sleep. You adjust your arms so you can wrap your hands around his neck and run your fingers through his curls. He presses his palm against your lower back, pulling your chest flush with his. His movements are unrushed, languid and sensual, and you’re just enjoying the soft feeling of his skin against yours. 

“Morning,” you hum sleepily, slow blinking like a contented cat. He props himself up on an elbow and as his visage comes into focus, you realize just how put-together he looks. He’s already wearing his glasses and his hair looks as carefully coiffed as usual. You frown. “How long have you been awake?”

“How do you want me to answer that?” He quirks an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly like I sleep.”

Right. Elves trance instead of sleep. You probably could have paid more attention in your humanoid biology class in high school.

“So what do you do all night while I sleep?”

“Read, mostly,” Astarion says with a shrug. “Sometimes I grade. Just killing time, really.”

“Don’t you ever get, like, bored?” You narrow your eyes at him.

“Sometimes. More often than not I simply enjoy being near you.” His candor makes you flush, so you deflect with a teasing laugh.

“Ew, you like being near me? Gross.” You grin as you pull him back down to you, your hands curling around his neck and you kiss him, soft and slow. He slides his hand under your knee and pulls your calf around his waist. Your usual insatiable lust for him is tempered, and you just want to bask in his coolness like you have all the time in the world. He pulls away, brushing your hair behind your ear, and looks at you over his glasses with those blood red eyes of his.

“What would you like, love?” he murmurs, and you yawn reflexively.

“Coffee, before anything else,” you reply, rubbing sleep out of your eyes. You roll out of bed and adjust your bra and shorts that got twisted overnight. You pad into the kitchen with Astarion close behind you, and he perches himself on a barstool while you pull out the instant coffee and set the kettle to boil.

“Darling, no, instant coffee?” he sneers as you scoop it into your mug.

“Don’t be elitist, it doesn’t make sense for me to make a full pot every morning when it’s just for me, and Keurigs create a hellish amount of plastic waste.” You turn up your nose at him, and he stands to take the mug out of your hands.

“This is not elitism, this is self-preservation.” He dumps the granules into the sink, earning a quick “Hey!” from you. “I’d rather like to be able to kiss you without the taste of rotten dirt in your mouth.” He picks up his phone from the counter and pulls up DoorDash. 

“My breath doesn’t get that bad,” you mumble and cross your arms obstinately.

“Perhaps not to a mortal, but trust me when I say this will be better for both of us.” You glance over his shoulder and watch as he loads up the cart with expensive artisan coffee beans, a French press, and a stainless steel coffee grinder.

“Astarion, I can’t afford all that,” you press, trying to take his phone out of his hands.

“Then consider it a gift,” he lobs back at you, holding his phone above your head so you can’t reach it. You plant yourself on a barstool and sulk for a moment before actually processing what he said.

“Wait, so you can tell when I’ve eaten or drunk something made with low quality ingredients?” Your brain spins the rolodex of all of the times you kissed him after having some trashy food.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he says with a regretful frown.

“And the night at the bowling alley when I was drinking that terrible beer?”

“Not particularly pleasant. But worth putting up with, because, well,” he clears his throat and flashes a coy smile, “it had been a while.” Your ears flush and he saunters over to you, planting a kiss just below your earlobe. Your hands rest on the waistband of his boxer briefs.

“But… coffee,” you pout, and he takes your hands and pulls you over to the couch.

“If you’re patient, my dear, it’ll be worth the wait,” he coos, sitting you down and pulling your legs onto his lap. “And speaking of waiting.” He brings your hand to his lips, running his nose along the blue-green veins in your inner wrist. “Do you mind terribly if I have my breakfast while you’re waiting for yours?”

Your breath catches in your throat as he gently grazes the point of one fang across the sensitive skin. “You’ve never fed from my wrist before,” you breathe, almost as though speaking too loudly might spook him.

“Does that make you reconsider?” His eyes flick up towards yours but his lips remain on your wrist, ghosting over the flesh. You shake your head, transfixed by his subtle movements. His lips stretch into a smile before he sinks his fangs into you, the sharp pain sending a twin bolt to your heart and your core before melting away into that sublime numbness. You’ve never watched him feed before, and you’re almost taken aback by how beautiful he looks. His lips pressed to your wrist, his hair falling into his eyes, his back expanding and contracting as his breath quickens. He must sense your gaze because he looks up, his red eyes sparkling. Your heart rate spikes, and it only takes a few seconds for him to smile against your wrist, reacting to whatever your sudden arousal changed in your bloodstream. 

It feels too soon when he pulls away, despite the oncoming lightheadedness suggesting otherwise. Unlike his usual animalistic expression he wears after drinking your blood, he has a sated, almost goofy look to him. You giggle and swipe the red droplet from his bottom lip and suck it off your thumb. 

His sleepy gaze moves to you, but when he sees you licking your blood off your finger, his features sharpen into the more predatory look you’re used to. He shifts your legs so that he’s towering over you, and you have no choice but to sink down into the couch on your back. He presses a knee between your legs and you bite your lip to stifle a moan. He descends onto your lips and you taste the blood that still coats his. You arch your back into him and he slides his hand beneath you, pulling your center closer. He slides his knee upwards, pushing your thigh with it, and rolls his hips into your now spread cunt. You groan into his lips, hands scrambling for purchase on his bare shoulders. His fingers hook into the waistband of your shorts and you’re about to wriggle out of them when there’s a knock at the door.

You both freeze, then suddenly you remember. “My coffee!” you squeal excitedly, pushing Astarion off of you. “They probably just left it right outside the door, babe, can you grab it while I reheat the water?” You clamber over the back of the couch and over to the kitchen while Astarion shakes his head at your antics. 

He pulls the front door to your apartment wide open and a startled half-gnome stands there holding a paper bag full of coffee supplies. Their eyes travel down Astarion’s half-naked form, lingering momentarily on the growing bulge in his boxer briefs. They flush a violent purple before muttering a quick, “Sorry,” and shoving the paper bag in his hands. They practically sprint down the hall as Astarion calls, “Have a lovely day!” with an impish wave.

“Astarion, you scared the poor thing half to death,” you scold as he closes the door, and he responds with a nonchalant shrug.

“Probably more exciting than anything else they’ll see today, I did them a favor.” He brings the coffee supplies over to the counter and hooks his thumbs into your shorts. “Now, where were we?” He presses into your back and kisses the crook of your neck. 

“Can I at least have my coffee before an orgasm?” you groan breathlessly, and Astarion chuckles.

“Who said that’s my intention?” he hums into your ear, causing you to shiver.

“Historical evidence,” you throw over your shoulder at him as you shimmy out of his grip. You pull out the various implements and stare at them blankly. You shift your gaze to Astarion and frown. “You bought all this stuff, show me how to use it.”

“Fine. Sit.” Astarion pushes you onto the barstool and begins to open the boxes with the French press and the coffee grinder. You watch him while he stands over the counter, and your eyes trace over the elaborate scarring across his back. You suddenly realize you’ve never been able to get this good of a look at it, he’s usually so carefully guarded. You’ve been afraid to bring it up again since that first night he told you about it. 

You chew on your lip while he assembles your coffee, anxiously weighing the pros and cons of asking him about it. You want to ask him more about his past, but you can’t even fathom what it’s like for him to have lived more than three times your entire lifespan and still have an eternity to go. 

He hands you the mug and looks at you expectantly. You snap out of your mini reverie and look down at the coffee in your hand, a few shades darker than you’re used to.

“Thank you, although I usually put in a little more milk than that,” you admit sheepishly. 

“With that offal you had been drinking, I don’t doubt it. Try it first, I’ll put in more if you want.” He puts his hands on his hips as you eye him suspiciously. You take a tentative sip, bracing yourself for the acrid bitter taste, but are met instead with something smooth and rich. Still bitter, but tempered by a creaminess that has nothing to do with the milk. You look up at him with a pleasantly surprised look on your face.

“Okay, I hate to say it, but you were right,” you groan reluctantly. He smirks and tilts your chin up to give you a tender kiss.

“Still as sweet as ever,” he purrs, and a light flush rises to your cheeks. Then your mind wanders back to your earlier train of thought, and your brow furrows. 

“Um, Astarion, can I ask you something?” Your voice is a little dryer than you’d like it to be. His eyebrows shoot up over his glasses, and he nods. You take his hand and lead him over to the couch, curling your knees into your chest and holding your coffee mug in both hands. “Can you tell me more about… about your scars?”

Astarion exhales a breath of relief. Whatever he thought you were going to ask, it wasn’t that.

“Er, yes, well… How much do you know about vampires?” He looks at you carefully and you blink in surprise. Very little, and you’re surprised it didn’t occur to you to look up more.

“Besides the basics, I guess, no sunlight, mirrors, garlic,” you rattle them off in your head. He giggles when you say ‘garlic.’

“The garlic is a myth, but you’ve got the basics, yes. Haven’t you ever wondered why I’m able to bite you without consequences? Well, besides the dizziness, I suppose,” he adds with a sly grin.

“I guess not, no,” you frown, wishing that he would just tell you instead of this weird quiz.

“I am not technically a full vampire – I’m a vampire spawn. I was turned while on the brink of death by a vampire named Cazador Szarr,” he spits the name like it’ll poison him if it lingers too long in his mouth. “I was his slave for two hundred years, compelled to do anything and everything he commanded. Most of the time it meant luring victims back for him to feed.” Astarion’s eyes glaze over, and you slide out your foot to gently touch his knee. You’re at a loss on how you can possibly comfort him for something this traumatic, so you let him continue in his own time.

“And once, it meant lying still while he carved this into my back over the course of a night. He claimed it was a poem. He made a lot of revisions as he went.” He scowls at the memory. “I only found out that it was something written in Infernal after his death.”

“How did you escape?” Your voice is small, hardly able to comprehend what he’s telling you.

“Oh, that’s actually quite a fun story.” He lights up suddenly. “His six other spawn and I rose up to overtake him. It took years of planning, and we were under the constant threat of being caught. But we were successful, and we tore him to pieces.” His eyes sparkle with a bloodlust that you haven’t seen before and your heart pounds in your ears. You had said that you want to see the more predatory side of him, and you’re getting your wish. His face softens and his gaze refocuses on you. “That was about 100 years ago,” he concludes with a wry smile. He puts his hand on your foot next to his leg and pulls it into his lap, and you curl your toes against his hand.

“Well,” you exhale, still processing his entire story. “That certainly puts the trauma from my shitty ex into perspective,” you say with a pained smile, trying to make light of it.

“Suffering is relative, the enormity of mine doesn’t reduce yours.” He tilts his head as he looks at you, a silent question. He’s leaving it open for you to tell your story, but refrains from pressing. 

“Well, it almost seems mundane in comparison,” you start with a heavy sigh, and he squeezes your foot lightly to encourage you to continue. “I’ve only had one even remotely serious relationship, and he was a piece of shit. Well,” you reconsider as you think of what those early days with him were like. “At first he just seemed like one of those ‘lovable asshole’ kind of guys, plus he had a Yorkshire accent, so clearly I have a type,” you say with a feeble laugh.

“No, a northerner? Darling, want better for yourself,” Astarion grimaces, and you glare at him.

“Like I said, I have a type,” you sneer. “But after a while, it became clear that he didn’t particularly respect me, I think partially because I was studying theatre and he was in STEM. He constantly talked down to me, he hated it any time I disagreed with him, and he would go out of his way to piss me off because he thought it was funny.”

You see Astarion wince, slowly putting the pieces together. You don’t particularly feel like rehashing the night you saw Taming again, so you continue.

“His friends weren’t terrible, though, and he was never as awful to them as he was to me, so I thought it was my fault. Like, if I were just somehow less annoying, or smarter, or more interesting, then he would suddenly stop being an asshole. There were some nights,” you swallow thickly, surprised by how difficult recounting this is. You thought you had worked through all this with Jaheira. “Some nights he was so persistent that I would just let him have sex with me so he would shut up and go to sleep.”

You feel Astarion tense beneath your leg, and he’s clenching his jaw so hard you’re worried his teeth might shatter. You quickly continue to try to put him at ease. “I sometimes wish I could go back to my 20-year-old self and just give her a huge hug and tell her that she’s worth more than that dick. But I’ve grown a lot since that relationship, and probably because of that relationship if I’m being perfectly honest. Wish I could have learned those lessons without an abusive asshole, but we play the hand we’re dealt.” You shrug and stare blankly at the dregs at the bottom of your mug. 

When Astarion speaks, his voice is icy and measured. “And what’s this man’s name?”

“Aradin. Aradin Beno,” you answer, keeping your eyes cast down. Your gaze shoots up to Astarion with a sudden realization. “You’re not allowed to kill him, Astarion,” you warn. You would have been joking had you said that thirty minutes ago. But after learning exactly what he’s capable of, a genuine spike of fear runs through your heart.

“But why?” he says in a whiny voice. “I can make it look like an accident, I promise!”

“No, no murder!” You kick your other foot out at him, and he grabs your ankle in a single swift motion. His sudden movement makes your mouth twitch as you suppress the smile spreading across your lips.

“Does the prospect of me being a killer make you feel something, little love?” he drops his voice and your breath catches in your throat. You don’t want to admit just how much it does, so you choose to remain silent instead. You watch him with unblinking eyes as he prowls over you, taking your empty mug out of your hand and setting it on the coffee table. The way his eyes sparkle and the flash of his fangs tells you that he knows exactly what it makes you feel.

“Are you? I mean– have you? Besides the one, I guess,” you stammer as your heart threatens to pound out of your chest. He looms over you, pressing his thigh down between your legs.

“Would it be better or worse if I said yes?” His lips hover over yours, and the noise that slips out of your throat is a little embarrassing. He closes the distance and kisses you roughly, slipping his hand beneath your lower back and digging his nails into your skin. 

You’re certain you would feel differently if you saw it in person… but the mental image of Astarion covered in blood after just having torn Aradin limb from limb sets you off. Something surges through you and you suddenly flip Astarion onto his back. You straddle his hips and crush your lips together, struggling to control your hungry kisses. You tangle your fingers into his hair, pulling hard. He claws into your thighs, pulling you down onto his rapidly growing erection, and you groan into his lips. You move your mouth down to his neck, biting down, and your whole body seizes when you hear his breathy moan in response.

He pushes up off the couch, keeping your legs wrapped around his waist while you cling to his shoulders, your assault on his neck never relenting. He carries you back to your room and throws you down on the bed hard enough to bounce slightly. He looks borderline monstrous as he crawls back onto you, pinning all four of your limbs down so escape is impossible. 

Your breathing grows heavy as he ravages you, your hands messily grabbing at any part they can reach. He tears at your bra with his teeth and you moan loudly, panting uncontrollably. He bites your skin, not to feed but to mark you, to cover you in punctures and bruises that brand you as his. You arch your back into him, asking for more. You want him to tear you apart, to leave you broken and consumed. You whine, your breath wracking through your lungs.

But before long, your vision starts to darken around the edges. You feel your heart pounding in the well of your throat – not the way Astarion makes your heart pound, but the way your anxiety does. You get lightheaded and your muscles grow weak as Astarion, unaware of your change in faculties, bites down on the soft tissue of your breast.

“Wait,” you call weakly, and grabs your hair and pulls your head back, pressing his lips against your ear.

“What was that, love?” he growls as his pointer finger tugs on your shorts.

“Star, stop,” you croak, and his entire demeanor shifts. He pulls back to look at you, his red eyes round and shining with concern. You’re a little surprised when the tears fall from your eyes unbidden, streaking down your temples and into your hair. You start hyperventilating, shaking as you lose control over your breath. You shove your fist into your mouth, hoping fruitlessly that the pain might ground you. 

After a moment of staring at you helplessly, Astarion pulls you into his arms and you curl up face down into his lap, choking out sobs as you grip his thighs. Your throat tightens and you feel like you’re being strangled by your own larynx. You gag as your stomach heaves, trying to expel itself from out of your mouth.

Astarion rubs your back, rocking you gently. A soft stream of “shhhh” and “it’s okay, love, you’re okay,” pours out of his mouth. He breathes in and out slowly, and you eventually find your breath enough to steady it, lengthening your inhales and exhales to match his. You lay there trembling for what feels like hours until you manage to push yourself back up into a sitting position.

“Gods, I’m sorry, I don’t know what that was about,” you chuckle feebly, wiping tears and snot from your face. Astarion starts to reach out to touch your cheek, but he pulls his hand back hesitantly.

“Darling, you don’t need to apologize. Are you… are you alright?” he asks, voice unsteady. You press the heels of your palms into your eyes until your vision goes starry, then take his hands in yours.

“I am, yes. I’m sorry. I know you said I don’t need to apologize,” you add quickly as he opens his mouth to protest. “Like, I’m sorry that it happened as much as I’m sorry that I probably freaked you out.”

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard it, and you furiously shake your head.

“No, gods no. The opposite, actually.” You attempt to flash him a smile, but it just comes off as tired. “I think it just became too much too quickly. And I guess I’m not as… worked through… the Aradin stuff as I thought I was.” You frown at your clunky phrasing and he more confidently reaches out to stroke your cheek. You press your face into his palm, holding his hand to your lips as you take a few more long, grounding breaths. You finally drop his hand and look down at your torn bra, raising your eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh, er… sorry about that,” Astarion smiles sheepishly. 

“Honestly I’m more impressed than anything else,” you laugh as you start to try to scooch off the bed to get another shirt. Astarion puts his hand on your knee to stop you and walks toward your dresser. It takes him a few tries to figure out the right drawer, but eventually he pulls out a tank top and hands it to you. You inexplicably turn away from him as you put it on, suddenly self-conscious in front of this man who has seen you naked maybe a dozen times. 

You pull yourself to the edge of the bed, your dangling feet not quite touching the floor, and reach out to him with grabby hands. He steps closer to you and lets you embrace his waist wordlessly. You press your nose into his ribs and take a steady inhale. His scent is so much more concentrated from this angle, all sweat and pheromones. He runs his hand through your hair and you can feel tears welling up in your eyes again. He feels the wetness on his skin and pulls away suddenly.

“What? What did I do?” He sounds genuinely panicked and it gets an honest laugh out of you.

“No, it’s nothing. I’m just…” in love with you. Fucking hells, you haven’t even let yourself think those words before. You push the thought down, so very far down – you’re not even remotely in a position to confront it right now. “Do you think you can hang out for a bit? You don’t have plans today, do you?” You take a shaky breath. “I just don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

“Yes, my sweet, of course.” He takes your chin and tilts your head up so you’re looking up at him. “But will you please eat something? You’ve had nothing but coffee and I’m sure the blood loss isn’t helping.”

You smile and nod, standing to give him a proper kiss. The sudden movement does, in fact, make you wobble a bit. He grips your arms and glowers at you as your eyes scan down his bare chest and legs.

“Do you want, like, clothes? Maybe I can ask Shadowheart to run to your apartment and get you a fresh set?” You don’t mind staring at him half naked, but you figure you might as well give him the option.

“Well, as a matter of fact, do you think she would mind terribly feeding His Majesty? He gets awfully cranky if he doesn’t have his regular meals.”

“Huh, I wonder where he picked that up?” you ask with a coy smile and he rolls his eyes. 

“You’re one to talk. Go eat.” He pushes you through your bedroom door. “And yes, please ask Shadowheart.” You laugh as you stumble through your living room to the kitchen. You pick up your phone from the kitchen island and pull up her number.

-Shade, are you busy? Can you do me a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge favor?

-what

It’s a bit on the early side for her, so frankly you appreciate the answer at all.

-Can you run to Astarion’s apartment to grab some clothes? And also feed his cat?

The typing bubble pops up and disappears a handful of times. Then, she finally replies:

-...what?

-Please Shade, it’s important. pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeeeeeeeeee

-Moon Maiden, yes, calm down. I’ll come over to grab his keys.

“Okay, she said yes,” you tell Astarion as you put your phone back down on the counter and grab a sleeve of cinnamon raisin bagels from the drawer. He watches you carefully as you assemble your breakfast, almost like he doesn’t trust that you’ll actually do it if he looks away.

It doesn’t take long for Shadowheart to walk into your apartment without knocking. She’s wearing an oversized Next to Normal t-shirt and shorts. Her eyes first settle on Astarion sitting at the island in just his underwear and she stares blankly. When her gaze shifts to you, and she sees your puffy red eyes, she turns back to Astarion in a fury.

“What the fuck did you do?” she hisses, and you throw out your hands to stop her from committing murder. She stops just short of getting slathered in cream cheese from the knife still in your hand.

“Nothing, no, he’s good, I swear. Perfect, even.” You glance back at him abashedly. “No, it was just… Aradin stuff.” You mumble the last few words, and watch as Shadowheart’s anger deflates and then flares twice as high.

“Oh? Do I need to hunt this piss kid down?” she seethes, pumping herself up for a fight.

“No, she has forbidden murder, I already tried,” Astarion drawls, and Shadowheart’s expression dulls to a scowl.

“Fine,” she grumbles, then turns back to you. “Where am I going and what am I getting?”

“I’ll text you his address, just a change of clothes. Oh, and where do you keep His Majesty’s food?” You start typing out the message and Astarion takes your phone from your hand.

“It’ll be simpler if I give you instructions,” he says as he types out what looks like a novel. “Make sure you go to the fish market on Bleeker, not the one on Mayweather. And if they don’t have the nice fatty tuna, you can get the yellowtail, but only if it’s been caught within the hour. If they don’t have either, then ask for Thodric, he’ll know what to get.”

Shadowheart stares at him with a mixture of confusion and revulsion. “The little rat’s getting Fancy Feast and he’ll like it,” she finally says when Astarion hits send. You shoot her another pleading look and she groans. “Fine. Anything else for Your Majesty?”

“Oh, His Majesty is fine, but could you also grab my maroon cardigan and–”

“Gods, really?” she snaps. You’re chewing on your bagel when you finally process what she’s wearing.

“Wait, isn't that shirt–” you begin and she whirls around, her loose silver hair swinging down her back.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way back,” she barks as she slams the door shut behind her.

***

You and Astarion spend the day together mostly in comfortable silence. Shadowheart does, in fact, give His Majesty the fresh fish he so desperately requires, but she only brings Astarion a pair of jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. He grumbles a resentful thank you, even if she didn’t bring him the maroon cardigan.

You’re lying on the couch leaned up against Astarion, who has borrowed your tablet to grade papers while you answer work emails on your phone. You get another reminder from the chair about season selection and you groan.

“I swear, we’re not going to have a season next year if we can’t fucking agree on something,” you bemoan, dropping your phone and rubbing your eyes wearily. “Plus, the rest of them feel like we need to settle on a musical first and then build the season around that,” you gripe, crossing your arms like a petulant child.

“Well that’s nonsense, the musical is always just a garish over-produced spectacle,” Astarion scoffs.

“But it’s the thing that makes the most money, so we are kind of dependent on it, as much as I hate to admit it,” you concede reluctantly. “Alfira really wants to do Heathers, and I read it, I just can’t get behind it as much as the rest of the faculty. I want to make sure the classical play is in conversation with it, and I can’t think of an interesting choice.” You slide your eyes to Astarion with a smirk. “Lucretius suggested Hamlet and I would literally rather fling myself out a window than direct Hamlet.”

“Well now, I don’t believe self-defenestration is necessary,” he laughs. “But you’ve only read it? Aren’t you the one always going on about how theatre is meant to be seen and not read?” He mocks you a little too well and you smack his knee.

“Fine, I guess I’ll see if there’s a recording available,” you mutter, picking your phone back up and googling it. “Oh, there actually is. A proshot is available… on the Roku app? I swear to the gods, there are too many apps these days.” You sit up and turn towards Astarion. “Will you watch it with me? Pleeeeaaaassee,” you add in a whine when he gives you a pained look. “If we don’t like it we can make fun of it together, I promise. That’s a better deal than you’ll get from 95% of theatre people.”

He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s bad enough you’re going to make me see it in the fall, you’re going to make me watch it again now?”

Your heart leaps at how casually he mentions still being together in the fall, but you quickly shake the feeling off. Instead, you divert his attention by offering, “What if Karlach and Shadowheart watched it with us? Karlach should probably watch it too, honestly, and then you and Shade can commiserate together as non-theatre people.”

He glares at you for another moment before putting his glasses back on and huffing a great sigh. “Fine,” he relents, adding with a glare, “you’re very lucky that you’re cute.” You giggle with delight and text Shadowheart.

-Do you wanna come over with Karlach tonight and watch Alfira’s pick for the fall musical? You can bond with Astarion over your love of expensive wine and the annoyances of dating someone in the theatre department.

-🍷👌🏻

You laugh at her response and go back to leaning against Astarion’s side, a small shiver running up your spine as he squeezes you a little closer to him.

***

Shadowheart and Karlach come by later in the evening, Shadowheart with two bottles of wine and Karlach loaded with snacks. They move around your kitchen, taking out bowls and glasses, while you take a sudden new interest in the ingredients for Doritos.

“And is it like, highly processed ingredients?” you frown as your eyes scan over the lines, some of the words familiar to you and some of them not. Astarion shrugs.

“I haven’t kept a detailed list of what’s fine and what isn’t, if that’s what you’re asking,” he drawls, looking over his glasses pompously, and you huff.

“Well then I’m going to eat them just to spite you,” you threaten, attempting to open the bag of Doritos menacingly. The gesture falls flat when you crunch down on a chip and it crumbles down your shirt. He takes the back of your neck in his hand and pulls your lips to his, his tongue swiping up cheese dust. You flush and he pulls away, contemplating the taste.

“Well it’s certainly not the most pleasant,” he finally decides, and you dejectedly put the chips down and pick up the wine Shadowheart has just poured. Astarion looks down his nose at the bottle.

“Decent choice,” he intimates with an approving look, and Shadowheart gives him a sideways glance.

“Ah yes, I heard you were a bit of a wine snob.” She tries to match his haughty energy, and doesn’t do a half bad job. “I saw what you brought,” she says, referring to the bottle still on the counter from last night. “It looks… fine.” The corners of his lips twitch upward and you can tell that he likes her, despite their constant bickering.

You and Astarion settle yourself on the couch while Karlach and Shadowheart sit on the floor. Karlach leans against the base of the couch, one knee propped up and an arm around Shadowheart’s shoulders. You smirk at your best friend, remembering your conversation of her insisting that she likes to sit on the floor, despite the fact that the two of you always sit on the couch together. Astarion, legs crossed and arm around you, pulls up the Roku app on your TV and finds the Heathers proshot.

September first, 1989. Dear diary:

A spotlight comes up on a young half-elf woman wearing a bulky denim jacket, big scarf, and a long hippie skirt. Veronica, it quickly becomes clear, is one of the more unpopular kids in school, along with her best friend Martha Dunstock.

“Wait, Veronica isn’t already one of the Heathers? And she’s already friends with Martha?” Shadowheart asks. The eponymous “Heathers” are the archetypical mean girls who rule over Westerberg High.

“No, is that how it is in the movie?” you reply. “I’m only vaguely aware of it, I just read the musical.”

“Interesting,” she muses, narrowing her eyes. “Yeah, she’s supposed to already be in the Heathers, and she doesn’t even speak to Martha until the last scene of the movie. I guess this way she gets a classic movie montage makeover.”

“That tells a very different story,” Astarion says, bouncing his foot slightly. “Following a protagonist who starts wealthy and popular rather than one who is an interloper into a position of power.”

“I wonder why they changed it,” Karlach says, and you nod in agreement.

“I can almost guarantee it was because of the success of Mean Girls and not simply a narrative choice they wanted to make,” you add, wrinkling your nose with distaste. 

“Maybe,” Shadowheart takes a thoughtful sip of her wine. “Mean Girls was so heavily influenced by Heathers that it does seem like a nice homage.” She pauses for a moment, then giggles, “You know, I used to think that I had a crush on Christian Slater and I wanted to be Winona Rider, but it turns out it was the other way around.”

“Honestly, I think that tells me all I need to know about you,” Karlach teases.

Honey whatcha waiting for? Step inside my candy store. Time for you to prove you’re not a loser anymore.

The trio of Heathers pose centerstage, their synchronistic dance moves and bright color coordinated outfits creating a striking stage picture.

“Visually, it’s a nice stylistic choice,” Astarion notes, “but I wonder if the aesthetics will detract from the effectiveness of these three as antagonists.”

“Maybe,” Karlach says with a shrug. “But you know that Carm would have a field day with these costumes,” she adds, turning to look at you over her shoulder.

“Oh she absolutely would,” you agree, looking at their sharp blazers, plaid skirts, and thigh high socks. “But I think Astarion’s has a point, they’re almost too appealing to convey any real villainy. Plus, so many of these lines have become such an iconic part of pop culture that they’re almost meaningless. When the main Heather shouts, ‘Shut up, Heather!’ it feels more like she’s quoting a famous line than bullying her friend.”

“I’m sure Alfira will want to address that in the room,” Karlach nods. 

Love this dead girl walking Love this dead girl walking Love this dead girl– Yeah– Yeah– Yeah– Yeah!!!!

After committing the social suicide of not bullying her unpopular best friend, Veronica decides she wants to go out with a bang – literally – and sneaks into the bedroom of resident bad boy JD. You still get an uneasy feeling about him as a character, but you’re trying to parse out your judgment of yourself versus your analysis of the text.

“Sorry,” Karlach shakes her head and holds out her wine glass, pointing at the screen. “Did we just witness that girl have a musical orgasm?”

“Surprisingly more common than you’d think in musical theatre,” you laugh, and Astarion pulls you into him until his lips are on your ear.

“Would you like to be my dead girl walking?” His voice is a husky whisper, sending a shiver reverberating through your body. You press your lips together and dig your nails into his knee to keep both of you in check.

-Oh my gods, I just killed my best friend! -Oh, and your worst enemy, so– -Same difference!

Veronica may have been the one to unknowingly hand a mug full of drain cleaner to the most popular and powerful of the mean girls, Heather Chandler, but JD was the one who knowingly handed it to Veronica.

“So they just immediately kill their primary villain?” Astarion scoffs in surprise. “Bold choice, I wouldn’t have expected it from a musical.”

“Oh don’t worry, she’ll be back,” you laugh. “Hey Karlach, who do you think should play Heather C?”

“Oooh, that’s a good question. I feel like it has to be Arabella, right? Who else has got the chops?” Karlach tilts her head to look at you.

“Arabella would also be really good as Veronica though,” you respond, shuffling through all of the theatre majors in your head. “Do you know if Mol is going to audition?”

“Maybe, but I think she wants to stage manage this fall.”

“Oh that makes sense, she’d be great at that,” you nod in agreement.

He’s hungry for a hunk Of the junk in your trunk

“Oh, weird. I don’t remember this song in the script I read,” you say with a frown. It was a while ago when you read it, but you’re pretty sure that this moment – when the high school jocks Kurt and Ram corner Veronica alone – felt a little more comedic and a little less sinister.

“Yeah, same,” Karlach says. “I feel like it was much sillier. Something about balls?”

“I think the hook was ‘you make my balls so blue.’” You try to force a laugh, but what’s playing out on screen is making you uncomfortable. The visual of the jock, Kurt or Ram, you can’t remember which, lewdly humping the air in front of a terrified Veronica doesn’t sit well with you. “This song being about date rape raises the stakes very differently from it being a blue balling joke.”

“Yeah, that’s so much more intense.” Karlach’s frown deepens as Veronica tries to pull her skirt down lower while the boys grab at her aggressively.

“I mean I get it, it’s a much stronger choice narratively, but we’ll have to be careful, give proper warnings and stuff.” You take a sip of your wine and Astarion gently rubs your shoulder.

“Okay, darling?” he hums in your ear. You nod but pull his arm around you a little tighter.

I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours. I’ll make them disappear.

There’s something so much more menacing about JD’s sung lines after having killed the jocks, Kurt and Ram, who tried to sexually assault Veronica. It makes your hackles raise, in part because you can see how toxic it is, but also because you can’t deny that it stirs something inside you. Just earlier today, you threw yourself at Astarion at the mere mental image of him murdering your abuser.

It’s okay if it’s just fantasy, Jaheira’s words ring in your head. Sure, someone saying that they worship you and committing homicide over it isn’t healthy in real life. But in a fantasy that isn’t hurting anyone?

But… how do you decide what’s harmful and what isn’t?

Can’t we be seventeen? Is that so hard to do?

After JD murders Heather Chandler and both Kurt and Ram out of a sense of misplaced righteousness, Veronica begs him to hold on to his youth a little longer and not let the trauma of his mother’s suicide make him grow up so fast.

You feel Astarion’s chest shaking slightly against your back. You glance up at him and his eyes are shining.

“Babe, are you crying?” you whisper and he glares at you.

“What? No. Shut up,” he spits as he wipes away a tear. You strain your neck and kiss his cheek.

VERONICA! Open the– open the door please, Veronica, open the door. Can we not fight anymore, please?

The repercussions of JD's streak of murderous revenge finally catching up with Veronica, she hides from him in her bedroom while he attempts to cry, scream, and sing his way back into her heart. 

“This is the one,” you call out. “This is the song that’s all over TikTok with teenage girls saying that she should’ve opened the door.” The context is no different from when you read it – his violent outbursts mixed with unhinged sobbing still make for an energy that you don’t quite know how to respond to. 

“I’m pretty sure they know it’s satire, it’s really over the top,” Karlach shrugs.

“Most of them probably do,” you say with a frown, remembering a concerning post that you saw somewhere that said ‘musical JD really loved Veronica while movie JD was just a manipulator.’ 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” Astarion says, pointing with his nearly empty wine glass. “You’re telling me that young girls like this behavior? Why?” 

Shadowheart snorts. “Apparently there’s something appealing about a pathetic wet cat of a man,” she laughs, and Astarion pouts.

I wish your dad were good,  I wish grownups understood. I wish we’d met before They convinced you life is war.

Veronica is pleading with a gun-wielding JD to not blow up the school during the pep rally when something suddenly clicks for you.

“Oh my gods, that’s the thesis statement, that’s what this whole show is about.” You sit up with the realization. “It’s not about mental health, or bullying. I mean it is,” you falter a bit, the wine sloshing around your brain. “But at the root it’s the parents’ fault. All of the adults in this show have been neglectful at best and selfish and bigoted at worst.”

“You know, if you want a good classical play with that theme,” Astarion shrugs, “then you should propose Romeo & Juliet.” Your jaw drops and you whirl around to face him.

“Holy shit, you’re so brilliant, I love you.”

Hey yo, Westerberg, tell me what’s that sound? Here comes Westerberg, comin’ to put you in the ground!

Your whole body freezes as the blood drains from your face. Somewhat delayed, you slap a hand over your mouth to keep you from accidentally revealing anything else. Astarion stares at you, his mask completely expressionless. Karlach and Shadowheart seem to remain oblivious to the monumental tension between you and Astarion.

Westerberg will knock you out And send you straight to–

Fuck.

[cowgurrrl]

BWFW

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: You and Joel call a truce [3.8k]

Author’s note: dude I’m having so much fun writing this (PS this song is named after BWFW by Blunt Chunks)

Warnings: smoking (don’t smoke kids (drunk cigs don’t count)), Joel being an asshole momentarily, spicy thoughts (no smut), enemies to ???

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Joel Miller Has A New Boo, And We're All A Bit Jealous

Who is Joel Miller's Newest Girl? Everything Their Waitress Told Us About Their Secret Romantic Date

Pictures of you and Joel making out against your front door are everywhere. You can barely log onto Instagram without being bombarded with DM's, comments, and tags in news articles about you two. Melanie even texted you with several headlines attached and a "Great job, kid!" Even your mom texted you about it. Granted, it was a screenshot of a Buzzfeed post, and all she sent you was a bunch of question marks, but she texted you. You try to put it out of your mind by leaving your phone in your trailer when you go to set instead of handing it off to a PA.

You decide that Joel Miller isn't worth more brain power than absolutely necessary. He has his own life, and you doubt he's thinking about you, and if he is, it's probably plotting his next reputation-saving move. The only thing you can do is work, make the best movie possible, and move on with your life until he summons you for another contractually obligated date. It's only a few months. You can make it, right?

You were asking the director about a scene, script in hand, when Ryan strolled up to you with a mischievous look. You ignore him and listen to Greta give you notes and ideas for the next movie sequence. He waits for you to be done with the conversation, like a third grader, before grabbing your arm and pulling you toward him. 

"Why didn't you tell me you were seeing Joel Miller?" He asks, and you laugh. He walks you to a more secluded part of set, hiding from eavesdropping extras and chatty interns as they set the sound stage for the next scene. 

"It didn't seem relevant to work."

"Not relevant? This is huge," he says, somehow more excited about this than you are, and you cross your arms over your chest. "You haven't dated at all since you made it big."

"Okay, that's not true."

"Really? Before last night, when was the last time you went on a date with anyone? Famous or not?" He asks. You open your mouth to answer, but your brain short circuits as you search through your memories. You're ninety percent sure that your last date was with the guy you had a showmance with before you moved to California. He was tall, handsome, and full of himself just like every other actor. You vaguely remember telling him you booked your first movie with A24, and he said you didn't have the "right look" for A24. Last you heard, he was living with five other roommates in the Meatpacking District back in New York.

"Okay, so maybe it's been a while," you admit, and he raises his eyebrows at you. "Please, don't make this a thing. I've already had enough people clawing at me for answers about it, and I'm exhausted."

"Fine, fine, but you have to promise you'll go out for drinks with me and Carolina on Friday. She's been dying to make couple friends, and I need to make sure he's good for you." 

"You don't need to do anything, but sure. I'll talk to him and see what he thinks." You say, and he smiles. Before he can grill you any further, your names are called over the intercom, announcing that they're ready for you, and you silently thank whatever god is out there for getting you out of that situation. You and Ryan walk back to the sound stage and get flanked by people from makeup who need to touch you up and frantic ADs who repeat the same notes the director already gave you. You swear if their heads weren't attached to their necks, they'd run around looking for them at all hours.

You do several takes of the same scene, yet another scene of your characters arguing, this time about what they'll do now that your character is pregnant. Ryan progressively gets more despondent as he sinks into his character, frustrating you as his scene partner and the pregnant woman you're playing. After about two hours of running the same scene over and over again, you're at your wit's end and need to do something different. Everyone on set freezes when you shove at Ryan's shoulders and force him to look you in the eyes for the first time since you started filming. The entire scene shifts as you continue to push at him, tears unexpectedly falling from your eyes as you beg him to say something. It hurts more when he walks out the door without looking back. When Greta cuts, Ryan all but runs back in the door and wraps you in a big hug.

"You're gonna break my heart if you keep doing that!" He says, and you laugh as you wipe away your tears. You watch the scene back together, and jump up and down at how much better it flows. It feels like you're watching magic. Times like this remind you why you became an actor in the first place. 

You film a few more scenes before breaking for the night. Your body hurts from carrying so much emotion as you walk into your trailer to gather your things to go home. You barely grazed the door, dinner plans already filling your head, when your phone buzzed in your back pocket. It's a text from an unsaved number, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out who it's from. 

The lipstick on the collar was a nice touch, he writes, and you sigh. 

That almost sounds like a compliment, Miller, you shoot back.

You're not even halfway to your car when your phone buzzes with another text from Joel.

Paul is really happy with how everything's going. He said he wants us to see each other again before I go back to Texas.

Good timing because my costar practically begged me to go on a double date with him and his wife.

We're already in double-date territory? How official.

Har har. How's Friday night sound?

Sounds like Paul is going to be very happy.

That makes one of us.

The rest of the week flies by with you dodging the online chatter about you and Joel somewhat successfully, but Ryan keeps reminding you how excited he is to hang out with you and your new "boy toy," as he has affectionately nicknamed Joel. You hate it, but he thinks it's funnier that way, so he just keeps calling him that. You swear Ryan was your annoying older brother in another life. 

You're curling your hair when he texts you a cute picture of him and his wife in the car with the message, "Ready to interrogate JM." You laugh and return to messing with your hair, mentally going through every possibility that tonight could bring. You're wearing a pink tank top and jeans with pink heels. Nothing super fancy, but it's definitely more dressed down than your first date with Joel. You debate on which necklace to wear and wrap the final piece of hair around your curling iron when your front door opens.

Joel calls your name as he shuts the door behind him. You almost throw the hot iron down as you step into the hallway to face him. He's wearing a black shirt with a matching black leather jacket and jeans. He looks you up and down unapologetically, and you roll your eyes.

"Who told you you could just walk into my house?" You ask as you duck into the bathroom again. He leans against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches you spray your hair to help it withstand the California heat.

"Hello to you too, darlin'." 

"Don't call me that."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to."

"So, what can I call you?" He asks with a smirk pulling on his lips. You grab your bag off the counter and move to leave the bathroom, but he doesn't budge. You huff as you look up at him.

"Move."

"Answer the question." He says. You think about pushing him out of the way, but he's broad and has those strong guitarist arms and probably wouldn't even flinch. You copy his stance as you rack your brain for an acceptable answer.

"Well, you could start with just my name," you say, and he laughs. "But other than that, I don't know."

"Baby?" He suggests, and you almost gag.

"Absolutely not."

"Which do you hate more? Darlin' or baby?"

"Baby."

"Alright, then, darlin'," he says, stepping out of your way. You scoff and walk past him into the hallway. "You know, you really should get a dog or somethin'. It's not safe for you to just leave your door unlocked like that."

"Oh, with all the psychos running around my neighborhood? I can handle myself but thank you for your input." You say, and he laughs as you do one last sweep of your living room to make sure you didn't forget anything. Once again, Joel opens your front door and the passenger side door of his car for you. You can say many things about Joel Miller, but one thing you can't say is that he's not a gentleman. You think it has something to do with his Texas upbringing, or it might just be a testament to the kind of woman his mother is. You don't say anything the whole way to the restaurant, saving up your mental energy to deal with him for the whole night, and he doesn't fight you on it.

When you get there, you can see Ryan waiting near the host stand through the windows, obviously ready to escort you and Joel to the table. You're surprised that the sidewalk isn't flanked by photographers, but you take it as a good sign. Joel parks the car and reaches for your hand as he locks it. You almost smack it away before remembering you're in public and take it in yours. The smooth ring on his middle finger is cool and smooth, a stark contrast to his calloused palms. Ryan lights up when you two step through the doors, and he quickly wraps you in a warm hug. He introduces himself to Joel and holds his hand out for a handshake which Joel reciprocates. 

When he walks you to the table set for four, Carolina smiles and stands to hug you and Joel in true Carolina fashion. Joel doesn't hesitate to pat her back and smile as Ryan jokes about having two of the prettiest women in the restaurant sitting at his table.

"Sorry, I'm a hugger," Carolina says as you sit across from them. Joel lays an arm across the back of your chair like this is a perfectly normal thing he does all the time.

"That's alright, ma'am. I don't mind." He says, and Carolina gives you a look.

"Ma'am? I like him already." She says, and you laugh. 

Joel settles into the dynamic between the three of you easily and listens as Ryan tells stories from set and press events. It's no small feat that you let Joel meet two of the most important people in your life, and even though you didn't tell him to be, he's on his best behavior. He doesn't try to annoy you or do anything inappropriate in front of them. He compliments Carolina, calling her ma'am even after she told him he didn't have to, and exchanges dude-bro stories with Ryan all night. Except for the arm on your chair, he doesn't make any affectionate moves which you're grateful for. 

With Ryan and Carolina there, it almost feels normal. It could also be your third glass of wine helping you relax too. Ryan makes a snarky comment about your drinking, to which you flip him off. "I'd be drinking too if I had to work with you all week!" Carolina says. Ryan feigns a blow to the chest, and she smacks his shoulder. "Did he tell you that Elizabeth started calling you Ryan's movie wife?" She asks, and you laugh.

"God, I hope she doesn't repeat that at school. Otherwise, you," you point at Ryan. "Are going to have a lot to explain to that poor teacher."

"Who's Elizabeth?" Joel asks as you take a bite of food. You hum to let him know you'll answer in a second, but Carolina beats you to it.

"Elizabeth is our daughter."

"And my goddaughter," you jump in. "She's the best kid in the world."

"Well, of course, you think that because you're not there for bedtime," Ryan says, and you roll your eyes.

"You're just mad because she's as stubborn as you are."

"That is... not entirely untrue." 

You spend the rest of the dinner laughing and messing with each other. You even catch yourself leaning into Joel's side because he's so warm and comfortable, and the wine is making you deliriously happy. When the bill is placed on the table, you all fight over who gets to pay until Carolina chucks Ryan's card at the waiter. Joel holds his hand over the table, and Ryan shakes it in a form of masculine affection. "You really didn't have to do that, man," Joel says. "Next dinner is on me, alright?" He could be saying it to save face, but the idea that Joel likes Ryan and Carolina makes something in your chest feel warm and fuzzy.

Ryan practically carries Carolina to the car so they can relinquish the nanny for the night, but you and Joel go upstairs to the rooftop bar. You reason that it's high enough to hide from paparazzi, and you also needed an excuse to get some fresh air. You both order water and perch on a couch in the corner. At first, you don't say anything. Not because you're mad at him but because you're worried you'll ruin the night if you do. However, you don't need to exchange words for Joel to see you shivering and put his jacket over your shoulders. You smile and turn to look at him.

"This is the second time you've given me your jacket."

"Want me to stop?" He asks, genuinely curious, and you shake your head. A soft smile takes over his features, and you have to look away before you get sucked in. 

"What'd you think of Ryan and Carolina?" You ask as you take a sip of water. His arm rests behind you again, and he adjusts to get more comfortable.

"I really liked 'em. They seem like good people."

"They are. Ryan and I were friends before I even moved to LA," you say. "I think they liked you too."

"Yeah?" He asks, and you nod. You meet his eyes again and hope he can see your sincerity.

"Yeah. Thanks for not being a total dick to them." You say, and he laughs. He puts his water on the table in front of you before reaching across you to dig into his jacket pocket. This close, you can smell the detergent he washed his shirt with and see the freckles faintly littering his skin. He doesn't break eye contact with you as he pulls a pack of Marlboro Reds and a lighter out of his jacket before relaxing into his spot again. Maybe it's the wine in your system or the joy from the night still filtering through your skull, but you don't take your eyes off him as he lights a cigarette. The ember glows brighter as he takes a drag and turns away from you to exhale. His jawline is sharp, and his neck looks especially pretty as he takes a breath.

"What're you thinkin' bout, pretty girl?" He asks, breaking your train of thought, and you smirk as you lean forward. His eyes drop to the neckline of your tank top, giving you the perfect opportunity to snatch the cigarette out of his hand and put it to your lips. He watches as you take a drag, your lipstick staining the filter, and exhale with a sigh.

"Thinking bout you."

"Me?" He raises his eyebrows as you pass him the cigarette back. His thumb traces your lipstick stain before he puts it back in his mouth. "What about me?"

"About how stupid this whole situation is," you gesture vaguely around you. "About how we really shouldn't be so mean to each other." 

"You're a sentimental drunk," he says, passing you the cigarette without acknowledging it, and you smile. It really wouldn't be that hard to pull another cigarette out of his pack for you, but he doesn't. Your fingers graze his as you take it, flicking the ash to the side. He waits until you blow smoke out of your nose to mess with the sleeves of his shirt and nod. "But, maybe you're right."

"Oh, say it again." You say, and he gives you a look. You pass the cigarette back even though about half of it is burned down from you two sharing it. His long drags don't help salvage it.

"I really shouldn't have said what I said bout you sleepin' with people to get famous. That was really fucked up, and I'm sorry." 

"It was really fucked up. And unoriginal. And fucking stupid. And completely untrue," you say, and he looks a little worried. "But, thank you for apologizing." He nods and offers you the last little bit of glowing cigarette. 

"Can we call a truce?" 

"A truce?"

"Yeah. We'll stop goin' out of our way to make each other's life fuckin' miserable and move on. Maybe at the end of this, we could even be friends." He says, and you take a deep breath as you take the cigarette from him. 

"You always make peace agreements with nicotine?" 

"You're my first, pretty girl."

There's that fucking nickname again. It's better than darling, and you should hate it, but the way he says it makes your head swim. You inhale the last drag and stub it out in the ashtray next to your water as you try to get your thoughts under control again. You catch the bartender looking over at you and Joel, and an uneasy feeling crawls up your spine. You swallow it down and look at Joel.

"I'll agree to a truce." You say, smoke leaving your mouth as you talk, and he smiles. 

"Should we shake on it?" He asks. You glance between him and the bartender and scoot closer to him. His eyes flick from yours to your lips and back up to your eyes.

"I would say yes," you whisper. "But, I think that bartender figured out who we are."

"So, what should we do instead?" He asks, his voice so low that you almost miss it over your own heartbeat. You want to roll your eyes at how stupid his question is but kiss him instead. His hands come up to your jaw, and you wrap your hand around his wrist to keep him there. There are traces of nicotine and tequila on his lips, but you can't focus on it too hard before his teeth graze your bottom lip. He swallows your gasp and soothes the sudden pain with his tongue. You would push him away and yell at him if it didn't feel so good. You can’t help but wonder what his mouth would feel like on your neck or your thighs. You wonder what pretty girl would sound like in between pants and broken moans. You wonder if he’d leave bruises on your inner thighs for you to find in the morning. The thoughts startle you out of the moment, and you pull away from him, turning to kiss the inside of his wrist. 

"'M getting tired. Can you take me home?" You ask. He looks like a kicked puppy but nods anyway. He holds your hand the whole way down the stairs, through the restaurant, and to the car. You make shitty small talk the whole way back to your house like nothing happened, but you're grateful to have moved past the suffocating uncomfortable silence. He taps on his steering wheel again and changes the station when his own song comes on the radio, making you laugh. When he pulls into your driveway, you linger for a moment and look at him through the darkness. "Thank you for being so nice to my friends." 

"I really did like 'em," he says. You pick at your nailbeds as you try to find a way to apologize for abruptly ending the evening. You feel bad for some reason. You were actually having a good time together, and then you made it weird. "Can I walk you to your door?" He asks, and you take a deep breath.

"I think I can get myself inside. Thank you, though."

"Welcome." He says as you unbuckle your seatbelt and open the door. Joel's jacket shifts around you, and you suddenly remember that you're still wearing it.

"Oh, here. Let me give you your jacket back before I forget."

"Don't worry about it." He waves you off, and you furrow your eyebrows at him.

"What do you mean don't worry about it? I'm not gonna steal your jacket, Joel."

"You're not stealin' it. You're just borrowin' it, right? I bet tabloids will eat it up if they see you wearin' it," he says. "Besides, it looks better on you anyways." You laugh and shake your head as you adjust your purse on your shoulder. 

"Goodnight, Joel."

"G'night, pretty girl." He says. You shut the door and walk up the sidewalk to your front door, secretly cursing that stupid fucking nickname and how weak in the knees it makes you. His car lingers in the driveway until he sees you unlock the door and flicker the front lights at him, letting him know you got in safely. He honks twice before pulling away and driving off into the night.

You make a point to lock your door behind you and lean against it. You let out a shaky breath like it will expel his voice from your head and jump when your phone buzzes in your back pocket. When you pull it out, a bright text from Melanie stares back at you.

Two dates in a row?! You're killing it! This will be over before you know it <3

And attached to her scarily cheerful text is a picture of you and Joel kissing. It's blurry and obviously taken from far away, but it's there nonetheless. You pinch the bridge of your nose and send her a thumbs-up emoji before sending Ryan a "made it home" text and turning your phone off. The image of Joel's teeth scraping your bottom lip burns into your eyelids as you close your eyes and try to figure out where the fuck you go from here. 

[chuuyascumsock]

Lament of a Bleeding Heart Incorrect Quotes Part One || Spoiler Warning

MC: Chuuya, keep an eye on Dazai today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Chuuya: Sure, I'd love to see Dazai get punched.

MC: Try again.

Chuuya, sighing: I will stop Dazai from getting punched.

—

MC: While I'm gone, Dazai, you're in charge.

Dazai: Yes!!!

MC, whispering: Chuuya, you're secretly in charge.

Chuuya: Obviously.

—

*Atushi and Dazai sitting in jail together*

Dazai: So who should we call?

Atushi: I'd call Kunikida, but I feel safer in jail.

—

MC: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Dazai: The car takes a screenshot.

Kunikida: For the last time, get the fuck out.

—

MC: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Dazai: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

MC: Yes!

Chuuya: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

—

Akutagawa: MC, my old arch enemy.

Atushi: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?

Akutagawa: I have a life outside of you, Jinko.

—

MC: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.

Dazai: Okay, but in my defense, Chuuya bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo.

MC: That's not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

—

MC: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Dazai: Thank you.

MC: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Dazai: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

—

MC: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.

Dazai: No it's my fault, I shouldn't've used my one phone call to prank call Chuuya.

—

MC: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

MC and Dazai, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Atsushi: Our turn, Kyouka! One, two, three- vanilla!

Kyouka, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

—

Atsushi: *Screams*

Akutagawa: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

MC: Should we do something?!

Dazai, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

—

Dazai: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

MC:

Atsushi:

Kunikida:

Everyone Else At Dazai's Surprise Birthday Party:

MC: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

—

Dazai: So are you flirting right now?

Chuuya: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU!

Dazai: That doesn't answer my question.

—

MC: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted suicide?

Dazai: Stop romanticizing the past.

—

MC: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Akutagawa: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

MC: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

—

Oda: So, how's MC?

Dazai: Oh, she's well. She's been staying out of trouble lately— which is a lot coming from ME, haha—

MC: *Runs into Lupin* If anyone in the mafia asks, I'm dead. *Runs back out*

Dazai:

Oda:

Dazai: ... I take it back, will you excuse me for just a second? *Runs after MC*

—

Chuuya: What the hell are you writing?

Dazai: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the mafia. I'm letting them know it's private information.

MC, looking over Dazai's shoulder: This just says "fuck around and find out" in calligraphy.

—

MC: That's ridiculous, Dazai and Chuuya don't have feelings for me—

Oda: Yes they do.

Ango: Yes they do

Chuuya and Dazai: Yes we do.

—

Chuuya: I may be "small", but I am not cute!

Dazai: It's adorable when you try to be tough!

Mc: *Nodding her head in agreement*

Chuuya: Stop it! I've killed people! I'm not adorable!

—

Yosano: So... You scored a 28 out of 28 on your mental health questionnaires.

MC, looking at Dazai: That means we're good at mental health, right?

Yosano: It means you're having a crisis.

MC and Dazai: Oh.

—

MC: Chuuya, you have to apologize to Dazai.

Chuuya: ... Fine.

Chuuya: "Unfuck you" or whatever.

—

Dazai: MC, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

MC: Don't say that, you are my award!

Dazai: Chuuya, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

Chuuya: Damn straight I do!

—

MC: Okay, so apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling is actually severe psychological distress from being in the mafia—

—

Dazai: MC is the most perfect woman who's never done anything wrong in her entire life!

Chuuya: Never done anything wrong?! She blew up a rivaling mafia's warehouse!

—

MC: Are you ready to commit?

Dazai: Like, a crime, suicide, or a relationship?

—

MC: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

Atsushi: But are you shuffling?

MC: Everyday.

Kunikida: What language are you two speaking?!

—

Ango: No, absolutely not.

MC: ...

Ango: What have I said about batting your eyelashes at me?

MC: "That only works on Dazai and Chuuya"...

—

Dazai: I may have accidentally poisoned someone's drink while trying to make a concoction to kill myself.

Kunikida: YOU WHAT—

Dazai: I hope it's mine. *Chugs his drink*

—

Dazai: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? I sing in the shower, I spend an unnecessary amount of time on my looks, and I occasionally commit first degree murder—

—

Chuuya: I know I haven't exactly proposed to MC yet, but in my head we already have a house, two kids, and a dog.

—

Chuuya: I'm so frustrated, I hate everything, and I hate everyone.

MC, voice cracking: Everyone?

Chuuya: *Sighs*

Chuuya: Everyone but you.

—

Dazai: What can I say, I'm charming and irresponsible.

MC: Don't you mean "irresistible"?

Chuuya: No, he doesn't.

—

MC: Smart is attractive, educate me on something I don't know!

Dazai: The mouth of the jellyfish is also the anus.

MC: Stop.

—

Chuuya: Valentine's Day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than to drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant other and pos—

MC: Chuuya, guess what? I wrote you a poem!

Chuuya, already crying: You did?

—

Chuuya: Yesterday, I overheard MC saying "Are you sure this is a good idea?" and that damn Mackerel replying with "Trust me," and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

—

Atsushi: *Walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium*

MC: Atsushi, what did you think a tiger shark was?

—

MC: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Chuuya: For the dogs.

MC: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Chuuya: They don't know how.

—

Dazai: That was so hot, MC.

MC: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

Dazai: I'm so in love with you.

—

MC: I love murder mysteries!

Dazai, trying to impress her: I've been a suspect in over a hundred murder cases.

—

MC: You've got to learn to love yourself.

Atsushi: But don't you hate yourself.

MC: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

—

Chuuya: You're alive.

Dazai: No need to sound so disappointed.

—

Dazai: Guess what I'm about to get!

Kunikida and Chuuya: On my nerves.

—

Dazai, throwing his head into MC's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

MC, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

—

MC: I made you all playlists!

MC: Akutagawa, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

MC: Dazai, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

MC: And Chuuya has the ABBA Gold album.

—

Dazai: Hold on! I'm having one of those things... a headache with pictures.

Chuuya: What the fuck?

MC: He's having an idea.

—

MC: What's it like being tall?

MC: Is it nice?

MC: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Dazai: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Chuuya: It was one time!

—

MC: Do you feel any better?

Chuuya: I feel much better now that you here with me.

*Dazai walks in*

Chuuya: I feel half better.

—

Dazai: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

MC: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Dazai: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Ango, on a walkie talkie: This is Ango, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

—

*MC is telling a story*

Dazai: Wow, MC, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!

Atsushi: Romance?

Dazai: I have a crush on her.

—

MC: Come on, Atsushi. Nobody actually believes that Dazai is in love with me.

Atsushi, to the ADA: Raise your hand if you think that Dazai is helplessly in love with MC.

*Everyone raises their hand*

MC: Dazai, put your hand down.

—

MC: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Chuuya: Well, that's just your personal opinion, I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?

Dazai: Well, I wouldn't really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

—

MC: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?

Dazai: No.

Chuuya: No.

MC: Didn't think so.

—

Chuuya: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Dazai: I'm aware of that.

Chuuya: But then you and I had some time together.

Dazai: Uh-huh?

Chuuya: It did not get better.

—

Dazai: I told MC her ears flush when she lies.

Chuuya: Why?

Dazai: Look.

Dazai: Hey MC! Do you love us?

MC, covering her ears: No.

Chuuya:

—

MC: You bought a taco?

Chuuya: Yes.

MC: From the same truck that hit Dazai?!

Chuuya, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving isn't gonna help him.

—

Dazai, in a high voice, holding barbie: Hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

MC, in a deep voice, holding ken: Nonsense, barbie. you're staying home and having my kids.

Chuuya: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Dazai: Playing systemic oppression.

—

Dazai: Hey.

MC: Yes?

Dazai: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?

MC:

MC: Where's Chuuya?

—

MC: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

Chuuya: *Turning to Dazai* How tall are you?

—

MC: *Holds a sign that says "Prom?" outside

Chuuya's window*

Dazai: OH my God, Yes!

MC: *Yelling up* No, tell Chuuya!

Dazai: Hey Shorty! I'm going to prom with MC!

—

MC: Hi, sorry I'm late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.

Chuuya: I'm "a couple of things".

Dazai: I'm "got distracted".

—

MC: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

MC: Dazai is still mad about it, but me and Chuuya were drunk and thought it was funny.

—

MC: Dazai and Chuuya annoyed me today with their arguing so I told them that I can't wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.

Atsushi: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

MC: But there is something special about watching the color leave their faces as panic takes over.

—

MC: *looks at Akutagawa*

MC: Baby boy. Baby.

MC: *looks at Dazai*

MC: Evil.

—

Dazai: The moon looks beautiful, doesn't it?

Chuuya, looking at Dazai: Yeah... but do you know what's more beautiful?

Dazai and Chuuya in unison: *sighs* MC

—

Dazai: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: 'I am very proud of you. Love, MC'*

Chuuya: Oh yeah. I didn't think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: 'Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.'*

—

Kunikida: I haven't seen Dazai and MC for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Dazai and MC running after it in a panic. Kunikida doesn't look outside at all.*

Kunikida: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

—

Dazai: Hey, do you know the password to Chuuya's computer?

MC: Fuck you, Dazai.

Dazai: Hey!!

MC: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouDazai".

Dazai: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

—

Mori: Did you take out MC as I requested?

Chuuya: MC has been taken out, yes.

Mori: You have my grat-

Chuuya: It was a great restaurant.

Chuuya: We had a romantic candlelit dinner.

Chuuya: MC proposed afterwards- we're filing the wedding papers.

—

Chuuya: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off?

MC: What? No, I—

Dazai: *enters room*

Chuuya: *jaw clenches*

—

Dazai, to MC: You know, Chuuya can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Dazai: *blows airhorn at Chuuya* GET FUCKED!

—

MC, Dazai, and Chuuya: *Discussing a plan for a mission*

MC: Any questions?

Chuuya: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

MC: Uh, a plan, duh...

Dazai: Chuuya, chill, I know it's weird, but MC has a point.

Chuuya:

Chuuya: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT!!

—

MC: Dazai isn't talking to me.

Chuuya: Enjoy it while it lasts.

—

*MC sneezes*

Chuuya: Hey, dumbass, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby—

*Dazai sneezes*

Chuuya: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

—

Chuuya: You're pathetic!

Dazai: You're pathetic-er!

MC: You're both losers.

—

MC: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Atsushi: I think you mean cards.

Dazai: She did not.

MC, pulling out knives: I did not.

—

Dazai, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

MC: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.

Dazai: Ohhhh-

Chuuya: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

—

Dazai: Would you take a bullet for me?

MC: ...yes?

*Chuuya angrily burst into the room*

Dazai: *running away* Great, thanks!

—

MC: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Dazai: Thank you for your sacrifice, Hat rack.

—

MC: *About the mission* What's the signal when something goes wrong?

Dazai: We yell, 'oh shit.'

Chuuya: ...That'll work.

—

MC: The results are in, I'm afraid you have updog...

Mori: What's updog?

MC: Chuuya! Dazai! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

—

MC: *sneaking in through their window*

Chuuya: *turning in his chair and flicking the light on* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

MC: I was with Dazai?

Dazai: *turning in his chair* Wanna try again?

—

Mori: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

MC, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Elise, whispering: Because I have little hands.

MC: Because she has little hands.

—

Chuuya: The first time I ever got upset in front of MC, they put their arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask them if they were hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.

MC: I was doing both, for your information.

Dazai: The first time MC hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn't make eye contact for, like, a week after.

—

MC: I think Dazai is in trouble.

Chuuya: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I'm honest.

—

MC: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.

Chuuya, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you!

Dazai, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Chuuya: Coming right up!

—

MC: Oh Chuuya, we have a visitor!

Chuuya: Don't tell me it's Dazai.

MC: It's Dazai.

—

MC: Can we go out to get icecream?

Oda: Did you ask Ango?

MC: He said no.

Oda: Then why did you ask me?

MC: He's not the boss of you.

Oda, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

—

Tachihara: Do you cook?

Chuuya: I made a cake once.

MC: Yeah, it was good.

Chuuya: Really?

MC: Don't make me lie twice, Chuuya.

—

Dazai: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

MC: But we lost Chuuya.

Dazai: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

—

MC: Akutagawa made Atsushi cry!

Dazai: Atsushi always cries!

Atsushi: That's not true! *cries*

—

MC: You need a hobby.

Chuuya: I have a hobby!

MC: Drinking wine and brawling Dazai isn't a hobby.

—

Dazai: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like MC a little bit.

Kunikida, holding Dazai's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Dazai: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Kunikida: My mistake.

—

MC: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Dazai way.

Chuuya: Isn't that the wrong way?

MC: Yes, but it's faster.

—

Akutagawa: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone's cheeks, look into their eyes...

Akutagawa: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.

Atsushi: ...That took an unexpected turn.

MC: So did their neck.

—

Mori: *To MC, Dazai, and Chuuya after a failed mission* I hope you have an explanation for this.

Dazai: We have three actually-

MC: Pick your favorite.

—

Q: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with.

Chuuya, referring to him and MC: Even us?

Q: Especially you guys.

MC:

Chuuya:

MC: Petition to kick Q out so he stops insulting us.

Chuuya: Seconded.

—

Chuuya: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!

Chuuya: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-

MC: I did?

Chuuya: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today MC.

*walking away*

MC:

MC: He's gone Dazai.

Dazai, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth: Twankh uh!

—

MC: Hi, who's this? Dazai changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Chuuya: What's mine?

MC: Dwarf.

Chuuya: WHAT THE FUCK, I'M NOT THAT SHORT?!

MC: Oh, hey Chuuya.

Chuuya: FUCK YOU!

-

Rival Mafia Member, smugly, after security arrives to escort Chuuya, Dazai, and MC out: So, do you wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out?

Chuuya, in defeat: Let's go.

MC: Wait.

Chuuya: What?

MC: I'd kinda like to be carried out...

Dazai: Me too.

Chuuya:

—

Dazai, grinning: Before you were what?

Chuuya: Before I was-

Dazai: What?

Chuuya: Before I was inter-

Dazai: Before you were interrupted?

Chuuya: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-

Dazai: What?

Chuuya: *makes frustrated sound*

MC, nervously: Stop that. Before he hurts you.

—

Chuuya: So, MC is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

Dazai: Why?

Chuuya: Because I've caught her trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

MC, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your asses in a mission.

—

MC: The ritual. To preform it requires a sacrifice.

Dazai: Sacrifice? I nominate Chuuya.

Chuuya: Wait, what?

Dazai: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.

Chuuya: I'm 5'3", it's like average height in most of the world!

Dazai: Yeah right—

MC: Its not that kind of of sacrifice guys!

—

Dazai, planning a group disguise for a mission: You can't be Blake Bortles, I'm Blake Bortles.

MC: Fine! Then I'll be Jake-

Chuuya, under his breath: Don't say Jortles.

MC: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.

—

MC: What are you two arguing about this time?

Chuuya: He's always using common phrases incorrectly!

Dazai: Cry me a table, Slug.

—

Fukuzawa: Dazai, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

Dazai: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

—

Kunikida: You spent all your money on THIS??

MC, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

[sauriansolutions]

So based on some vague keyboard smash posts, plus some screenshots I saw around Tumblr, this is my interpretation of what I think we English server players can expect to see soon in Chapter 7...

Spoilers below the cut because this is all highly accurate!

Rook's dream:

Rook: Omfg it's Neige and Vil! Onstage, together!

Rook: And now they're singing and dancing about their precious friendship!

Rook: And I have a front-row seat!

Rook: *pulls out a pair of jumbo binoculars* :D

Rook: *puts a pair of tiny opera glasses on the jumbo binoculars* :D :D

Vil's dream:

Vil: Hello there, I am Vil--yes, Vil the very successful actor. Vil, the shining star with no competitors whatever, yes, that's me.

Vil: And this here is my lowly assistant... lol I forget his name?

Neige: *bowing* You're so much better than me, Vil-sama, I am unworthy of a name!

Vil: Ahaha how amusing... a talking ant. Don't make me step on you, little bug~

Neige: You can step on me Vil-sama it's okay!

Vil: ... Alright but don't make it weird.

Epel's dream:

Epel: *unnaturally deep voice* Hello fellow students, I'm Epel and I am Very Tall.

Fellow students: *craning their necks to look up and up and up* .......

Yuu: *takes out their Trauma Count notebook and adds a tally mark*

Later...

Yuu: Uhh so, Silver... is this the kinda stuff you see all the time, when your magical narcolepsy makes you visit people's dreams?

Silver: Yeah. This is all pretty normal.

Yuu: Huh.

Silver: 😐

Yuu: I think I understand you much better now.

Silver: 😐

______

God also, apparently, they're going to go backwards through every character's dreams in reverse order of their introduction? And I can't fucking wait??

Here are my predictions:

Chapter 5: Ignihyde

Ortho's dream:

Ortho: Hooray, I'm so happy we're finally outside!

Idia: Me too!

Ortho: And we're at a park!

Idia: You were right all along lil bro, parks are fun!

Ortho: And all our friends are here too!!

Idia: Hooray for friendship amirite?

Yuu and the gang: Huh, this one is weirdly wholesome. Hey, I wonder if...

Idia's dream:

(It's the same dream, but...)

Idia: Omfg help, SOS, mayday, someone please save me!

Yuu: Idia? Are you--

Idia: You gotta get me outta here! There are people everywhere! They're all looking at me and AHHH OH GODS NO, you're people too!!

Idia: ahhh it's literally my worst nightmaaare ahhh *runs away*

Chapter 4: Scarabia

Kalim's dream:

Grim: omg where are we??

Yuu: I dunno, everything's so bright and shiny it's hard to even look at...

*clouds part*

Giant Baby Otter: HELLO

All: AHHH

Giant Baby Otter: YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED BY KALIM AL-ASIM TO PARTYLAND, THE LAND WHERE IT'S ALWAYS A PARTY AND THE PARTYING NEVER ENDS

Grim: Oh shit, I wanna go. Can we go to partyland? Please? Pleeeease?

Sebek: No, we can't go to partyland, we need to save WAKASAMA--

All, including Giant Baby Otter: 🥺

Sebek: ...

Sebek: Okay, ten minutes.

Jamil's dream:

Jamil: Muahahaha! Finally, Kalim is DEAD! I killed him!

Jamil: And now... I'm going to...

Jamil: TAKE A NAP!

Kalim: Yaaay I'm actually alive!

Jamil: What?? No!

Kalim: I was just pretending to be dead! Funny joke huh? Hee hee!

Jamil: I literally stabbed you eleven times, how--

Kalim: The power of friendship!

Jamil: That doesn't even--

Kalim: Let's join hands and sing the friendship song!

Jamil: NoOOOOoooOo

Chapter 3: Octavinelle

Azul's dream:

Azul: Welcome to the Mostro Lounge II! The even better, even more monetarily successful version of Mostro Lounge!

Yuu: Oh. Hmm. This is...

Silver: Yes, this seems about right.

Sebek: This is exactly as I expected!

Azul: Excuse you? Are you calling my dream boring and predictable?

Grim: What, you mean you own TWO restaurants, and make even MORE money now? Ugh, let's go before he makes us wash dishes or something.

Azul: *shouting after them* Wait! There are some new menu items!

Azul: Mostro Lounge II has its own Magicam account!

Azul: ...Come back and buy something!

*cricket noises*

Azul: Fine, I don't need you guys anyway! C'mon, Sentient Coin Collection, let's go count you in the Even More Exclusive VIP Room!

Sentient Coin Collection: *weird muppet voice* Hehe yay! I love when you count me, Azul~

Jade's dream:

(It's just a picture of Jade smiling and saying something that's been blurred out. In front of an entire background that's also been blurred out.)

Yuu: We are legally and morally unable to show you what happened in Jade's dream.

Yuu: Needless to say, mushrooms were involved.

Grim: Never EVER, say the word "mushrooms" EVER AGAIN--

Floyd's dream:

(It's the same picture again, but with Floyd.)

Yuu: You know what?

Yuu: We're going to just. Not talk about this one, either.

Grim: *is just sobbing* I HATE DREAMS

Chapter 2: Savanaclaw

Ruggie's dream:

Ruggie: *opens a closet door and finds it overflowing with random bags of chips, fruit slices, a whole baked ham, etc*

Ruggie: omg yes! Look at all this free food!!

Ruggie: *opens another closet door and finds it overflowing with plastic containers*

Ruggie: EVERYTHING'S COMIN' UP RUGGIE BUCCHI TODAY shishishi

Jack's dream:

Jack: ... One thousand! I'm done my sit-ups!

Jack: And now it's time to start my pull-ups...

Grim: Do you actually, seriously dream about working out?

Jack: ...Yes?

Yuu: And then wake up, and go do it for real?

Jack: ...Yes??

Jack: Well, wait, no. Not before I've had a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, obviously.

Grim: Let's go. C'mon Silver, do the dream magic thing.

Yuu: Yeah, hurry. I'm feeling like a lazier, generally worse person every second that we stay here.

Sebek: *is also lifting weights* Aww, do we have to leave already? I like it here--

Leona's dream:

Leona: zzzzz

*Leona is dead asleep in the middle of the botanic garden*

Yuu: ... can you sleep in a dream?

Grim: Yes, Yuu, we literally just established that in Book 7, Chapter 50-something, weren't you paying attention?

Sebek: So... what do we do now?

Silver: We have no choice. We must... go into his dream-within-a-dream!

*horn noise from Inception*

Leona: zzzzz

*Leona is dead asleep in the middle of the botanic garden, except now everything is staircases*

All: NoOOOOoooOo

*horn noise from Inception*

Chapter 1: Heartslabyul

Trey's dream:

Trey: Oh good, you guys got here just in time. The cookies are ready.

*Trey, dressed in a dentist's garb, pulls a steaming plate of cookies out of a giant mouth*

Grim: NO NO NO EVERYBODY RUN

Trey: Wait, come back, there is a perfectly normal explanation for this I promise--

Cater's dream:

Cater: My Magicam account has its own Magicam account!

All: ...

Cater: Yeah that's it. That's my dream.

Cater: My life actually kind of sucks, okay?

All: 😨

Ace's dream:

Ace: Hey guys, I'd like you all to meet my brother~

Yuu: Is that Patton Oswalt?

Patton Oswalt: Yes it's me, Patton Oswalt, I've been Ace's older brother this whole time!

Grim: Okay wait. Time out. Ace, is your brother actually Patton Oswalt?

Yuu: Or is it just your dream that Patton Oswalt was your brother?

Ace: Wouldn't you like to know!

(This is an inside joke that only me and like one other person will understand...)

Deuce's dream:

Deuce: *surrounded by baby chicks and empty egg cartons* I can't believe it!

Deuce: Baby chicks really do come from grocery store eggs! I KNEW IT!

Deuce: Hah! What do you have to say about THAT, Ace?

Ace: *offscreen* Uhh well, my older brother is Patton Oswalt, so...

Deuce: Argh! Dammit Ace!!

Grim: Are we done yet? I have no idea what's even going on anymore.

Silver: That's pretty normal for dreams, actually.

Yuu: Just one more dream... then we can go face off against Hornton... This one shouldn't be TOO bad, I mean it's--

Riddle's dream

*Riddle is 9,000 ft tall and breathing fire*

Riddle: Who the FUCK ate my FUCKING strawberry tart?!

*Riddle's mom appears, and she is 12,000 ft tall and breathing even more fire and has lasers for eyes*

Riddle's mom: ... LANGUAGE, RIDDLE!

*Godzilla noises in the background*

*Also everything is on fire*

Yuu: *puts on a bowler hat and sips a coffee that just appeared out of nowhere* This is fine.

END

(this got away from me a little)

[fictionfixations]

book 7 exploration stuff

book 7 part 4 spoilers

the game makes you wait (unless you want to spend gems) to continue the story so be prepared for posts every now and then about this of me screenshotting things i think are interesting or funny

okay. listen. i still maintain the 'the ironclads and the fae have a HUGE misunderstanding' idea, BUT that doesnt mean everyone has good intentions... and i mean some people think that if they're their enemy, then nothings fof limits right? (to be fair when we run off the ironclads we also steal like their supplies.. but like... geez... these ones ARENT fighters, you're attacking civilians!)

ohh more backstory

its the black shadow-y thing back from before in the other dreams that tried to bring us to a deeper sleep

malleus?

LMFAO

OH DAMN what is with this game and kicks. if i had a nickel for every time someone kicked another person to get them to move, id have two nickels. which isnt a lot but its weird it happened twice (bro in book 6 in one of the PTMs riddle kicked azul to get him out of the way. with his HEELED BOOT by the way, OW?)

gAH (i know im supposed to be supportive of the 'good guys' but haha no. godd i really cant wait for people to write fics about this ive had a hankering for diasomnia fics lately, especially from silver and/or sebek pov)

wow thats some dark imagery. although i cant be surprised... (yknow what? i actually wonder what people think of them in those clothes. like. idk. any weird 'what are you wearing'??? do we have any items on ourselves like a phone or something to get the dreamer really confused and make them realize 'wait a second...'????)

im a third of the way there (im still at the beginning area lMFAO)

aww. family bonding.

what else can we introduce to them though to make them horribly confused or shocked or amazed since we come from a different time period entirely?? (we shocked them with good food, in a bigger quantity then even the nobles have too, idk if it counts but sebek and silver have their training from lilia, which knocked his mask off and made him surprised that a human could get him...)

i wonder. what if there were spells that exist now that are way more convenient with little magic cost. but before it wasnt nearly as tested so its more difficult and stuff to magic??

in any case i think fae are magic so like. doubt. (we barely beat him anyway. well i didnt i used a retry ticket because i struggled so bad)

then again

how to make up for us basically time traveling (without it being permanent though since its a dream)? by making our only knowledgeable party members (silver and sebek) not having as much knowledge. cause like. they know things happened and stuff but its never been written or spoken about what happened. so all of its new to them. like i mean

they know the end result but how they got there is lost. especially the details.

..people are going to make such cool works out of book seven and i am PUMPED.

[aro-attorneys]

nrmt = jekyon?? tell me more share your theories friend

(All J&H characters mentioned below are from the The Glass Scientists webcomic; other adaptations do not count for this analysis)

Oh nice, free infodump real estate!

I'll start off saying that this is entirely subjective and not everyone might agree with the connection I made between the two ships.

Furthermore, at their core they're both very much their own unique dynamic. If this seems like a stretch to you, that's totally fine!

That being said, here are my theories/takes/connections (screenshots will mostly be from TGS since that's more easily accessible):

My brain sort of made the connection after recent chapters came out. The focus on Lanyon's feelings and how he expresses (or not expresses) them reminded me very strongly of the "thanks to you, I am saddled with unnecessary feelings line." It also reminded me of this bit from chapter 3:

(ugh feelings, am i right)

Lanyon has Edgeworth Vibes to me lol. They have their "repressed victorian man" thing going on (although Lanyon literally is one).

I made a post about Lanyon's way of expressing his feelings before if you're interested.

Comparing Jekyll to Phoenix might be a bit of a stretch, perhaps. But with earlier flashbacks about Jekyll's university years and the much, much earlier scene during the Frankenstein Play, I can safely say the following things:

Both started out more expressive/open about their feelings. Only after having their hearts broken (Phoenix with Dahlia and Jekyll with Lanyon), did they take a turn and bottle their feelings up or stopped expressing them in a healthy manner.

Both have...little sense of self-preservation. Phoenix has shown over and over again that he's willing to hurt himself or even die for the things important to him. Jekyll also literally admitted to being willing to die for science. Although Jekyll has gotten a little better with it. One of the major developments he's going through right now is putting himself and his feelings and safety first.

Here is the evidence for Jekyll's case:

And Phoenix is infamous for eating a glass vial with possibly still potent poison and running across a burning bridge. And he's been more than willing to get hurt to help the people involved in his cases. It's something about sacrificing yourself because you think something or someone else is more important.

Although Jekyll has been recovering from this mindset ever since Hyde forcefully took over his body:

Another thing I've noticed with both ships is that there is a strong mutual admiration for the other, but neither actually voices it. It's a little more obvious for Narumitsu, where Phoenix admits in Turnabout Goodbyes how much he looks up to Edgeworth after the class trial. And in the Miles Edgeworth: Investigations games, he expresses the same admiration for Phoenix. They both are influenced by the other all the time and it makes them better, more well-rounded people.

This mutual admiration isn't as healthy in Jekyon, at least not consistently. In Jekyll's manifestation of his mind, he sees Lanyon as the perfect gentleman, as someone to look up to and follow no matter what. Even though he broke Jekyll's heart many years prior. But still, Jekyll believes he became a better person for it. Vice versa, Lanyon used to be kind of a heartbreaker. But meeting and dating Jekyll changed him. He wanted to commit to a relationship* and not Hurt Feelings anymore if he could help it. Unfortunately there was an arranged marriage so there's that.

*I am not saying that suddenly wanting a romantic and sexual relationship made him better, it's the not wanting to break other men's hearts that made him better.

I think...that's it? If I had to put it shortly, I'd say both ships have a unique dysfunctional way of communicating. Avoiding sharing any thoughts or feelings and then being surprised that the other party is upset. They're disasters and I love to watch it unfold :) (mainly because there's also actual character development to look forward to).

[solarlunedev]

Why the Heck I Made My Own 3D Renderer and How I Didn't Explode in The Process (Pt. 1)

Hello, I'm SolarLune, and welcome to Why the Heck I Made My Own 3D Renderer and How I Didn't Explode in The Process (Pt. 1).

So, I'm the creator of Tetra3D, which is an open-source 3D software-hardware hybrid renderer written from scratch in Go. I'd like to talk about why I made this thing in the first place, and what I learned while doing it.

Here is the Tetra3D logo rendered in Tetra3D, in all its PSX-styled glory

Firstly, what is a 3D renderer?

A spooky, run-down bedroom, rendered through Tetra3D

A 3D renderer is a piece of software that transforms data (like 3D points in space) into something you can see.

OpenGL, Metal, Vulkan, and Direct3D are all examples of true, hardware-accelerated 3D rendering APIs / frameworks. By doing a lot of math, a 3D renderer turns a 3D position in space into a 2D position on your computer screen, and usually ends up drawing triangles on these points to construct something recognizable (like a cube or a chair or something). Cool!

There are, generally (to my basic knowledge), two broad classifications of 3D renderers:

Hardware Renderers. A hardware renderer uses the GPU (or graphics processor) to render triangles onscreen. It also uses the GPU to perform the necessary mathematical calculations to do that rendering and transform the triangles with some measure of perspective (or not, as desired).

Software Renderers. A software renderer uses the CPU for transforming 3D data and even uses the CPU for rendering objects. Since 3D objects are usually easily visualized by rendering them with triangles, software renderers implement their own solutions for drawing triangles onscreen. Software renderers are usually slow, but still can be fun to play around with; they can also be useful for rendering system fallbacks for / debugging hardware renderers, or possibly to render something simple for basic information before using that information to render something complex on the GPU.

OK, so now, what is Tetra3D?

Tetra3D is a bit of a hybrid 3D renderer, because it performs the math to transform data on the CPU (like a software renderer), but still uses the GPU to actually render the triangles (like a hardware renderer).

So, this means that it has some downsides from both categories, really - firstly, it is slower than rendering things with hardware acceleration like a hardware renderer (though faster than a software renderer). Secondly, it still requires a non-negligible GPU / graphics chip of some description, despite doing a large amount of work on the CPU (like a pure software renderer).

(As an aside, depth testing, where part of a triangle is discarded when it draws behind closer triangles, is something that hardware renderers usually handle for us. However, because Tetra3D is a hybrid renderer, it doesn't have access to a traditional depth buffer (as all triangles in Tetra3D are just 2D triangles rendered to imitate depth), so I had to make my own depth buffer system (!). How depth testing is handled in Tetra3D will have to be another post for another day!)

So why make Tetra3D in the first place?

Well, firstly, I like Go; I think it's a great programming language. Go is very comfortable, opinionated, and easy to use - generally, there's one "right" way to do things. This makes it easier to focus on actually doing what you need to do and having code be uniform and easy to understand, rather than spending time wondering if you're using the language properly.

Secondly, I really like that chunky, janky, PS1 CD-3D style, mmmmmm

Like, if you look at the following PS1 games from 20 years ago, they still look fantastic, even by today's standards.

Vagrant Story, SquareSoft (2000)

Threads of Fate, SquareSoft (2000)

Megaman Legends 2, Capcom (2000)

I'd love to be able to create something on this level of polish, and I don't think indie game devs necessarily need a complex 3D engine to do it.

The reasons why these screenshots look so good (despite their low poly-count and low-res textures) is because their lighting, art direction, and style is on point, even with the heavy technical restrictions. It's not really about how many polygons you use, but rather, how well you use them.

Also, the restrictions worked in harmony with the resolution of the time - as monitors went up in resolution, games have had to have higher and higher resolution textures and polygon counts to match the same overall level of fidelity. The developers of bygone times knew their limitations, and worked very well within them to execute the style they wanted, and exercised control very well over that style (because there was less to control). That's why excellently executed retro and low-poly graphics hold up, even today.

I decided to make a 3D renderer to try to capture some of that same "control over a small amount of core features" energy that can help to direct the flow of game development. Originally, I wanted to make a 3D renderer to just render small objects or very simple scenes for primarily 2D games, but over time, I've gotten greedier and want to squeeze out "just a little more" - optimization and improvement are, in themselves, addictive when you don't know if what you're doing will even work.

Was it hard to make this?

Yeah, I guess! There have been times where I've been really stumped as to how to solve a problem or add a feature, but it's always been interesting and fun to work on. Years ago, I had no idea how somebody could make a 3D game using pure code; now I know exactly how, haha! I think everybody should work on something like this - something that they deem impossible, just to see that it's not that hard, it just takes time.

___

So!

To sum up, I like Go, I like Playstation / DS-level graphics, and so I made this stupid 3D renderer for gamedev.

As mentioned previously, it's a hybrid renderer, so there are definite downsides to how it works - however, there are advantages as well. Because it's built on Ebitengine, a 2D game development framework for Go, it's cross-platform by design. Anywhere Ebitengine works, Tetra3D should also work.

It's also very good to have the ability to spontaneously do 3D when applicable, rather than strictly needing to begin game development in a "3D-first" game engine just to have the ability to, say, render a 3D object in a primarily 2D game.

Metal Sonic battle captured from the Sonic Mania longplay here on YouTube

In the above GIF, you can see that while Sonic Mania (which is fantastic, by the way!) is a 2D game, there are 3D elements in there, in the form of the Eggman robot spinning in the background. Mixing 3D in with 2D can look great, and so Tetra3D was also made for this kind of application in 2D as well.

Anyway, that about sums up the reasoning for developing this cool-but-weird piece of technology.

Next time, I'll get into the "How I Didn't Explode Part" and talk about how I made it despite not really knowing much about 3D math, or maybe talk about some renderer internals, I guess?

If anybody has any questions, please feel free to ask me - I'll see about answering when I can.

Regards! - SolarLune

[shigarakis-cumdump]

An Unhealthy Obsession- Shigaraki x reader

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shigarakiscumdump/works

(If you like what you read, consider supporting me on Ao3!)

Summary: Short yandere fic based off the song “An Unhealthy Obsession,” by The Blake Robinson Synth. Orchestra. 

Cw: yandere and stalker tendencies

Word count: 1.9k 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*..✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*..✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*..✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Many people would call Shigarki the creepy type if they saw him on the street. Slouched over, face always buried in his phone with his hoodie covering the rest. He looked like your local creep who hung around popular stores and malls by himself. He would go to one mall in particular, even more so after he realized they had a Game Stop there. He would frequently go in to browse, and while he was checking out one day, he met you behind the counter.

“Will this be all?” you ask in your sweet customer service voice, with your head slightly tilted. Shigaraki froze in place. No one this pretty has ever talked to him before.

“Um, yeah, that’s all.” he says quickly, looking down to the ground while you're bagging his games.

“This one’s my favorite; I’ve been playing non-stop since it came out, have fun with it!” you say as you hand the bag back. And you play games? Could it get any more perfect?!

“Thanks,” he managed before walking out of the store and finding the closest bathroom. He locked the stall door and sat down. With his heartbeat in his cock, he couldn’t stop thinking of how innocent your voice sounded, and how pretty you looked. He decided from then on you were his next obsession.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shigaraki visited the store so often he learned your schedule. He would watch others make small talk with you, and it made him want to steal you for himself. His blood boiled when someone else would make you laugh. Soon enough, seeing you at your work wasn’t enough. He wanted to know more about you. So he followed you home one day. He kept his distance, being too scared of appearing creepy to people around him. You lived a few blocks away from him, who knew!This made it very easy for Shigaraki to stake out across the street and just watch you for hours. You always kept your windows open, maybe for the natural light? He appreciated it though; in his eyes, you left your blinds open for him. So he could watch as you dance around your room with your dog, and then relax and watch tv, hugging a pillow as you accidentally fall asleep. You were precious, and he realized all you wanted, all you needed, was someone like him to cuddle up into, to make sure you were safe. After all, there were too many creeps who could hurt you- he was just making sure they didn't get to you.

Shigaraki made it back to his place, but you never left his head. He went from sitting in the bushes, to sitting hunched over his desk, looking up your name on every search engine imaginable. “Bingo!” he says once he finds your socials. He scrolls down your page, seeing your stories about going to conventions earlier in the summer, spending time with your friends and- oh? What’s this? You were hugging a boy in this picture. Shigaraki zoomed in to get a good look at his face. “Why would you want a bastard like him?” he grunted angrily. He clicked on his profile and saw a post of you two eating at “your favorite restaurant” together for his birthday. The post was from the beginning of this year, so maybe you weren’t still with the guy. I mean Shigaraki didn’t see anyone while he was stalking you, which was a good sign.

Over time, his camera roll would fill up with screenshots of you off of your profile, shaky pictures he snapped of you while you were working, etc. He was in the store just when you worked now, because any other time he was following paces behind you to wherever your pretty feet were taking you. Stepping up to the counter with a few games, you began checking him out. His voice low and quiet as he asked, “Do you play games often?”

“Oh sure! Whenever I have free time, really. But lately I’ve been too busy. We should totally play together sometime!” you beam. Play together? He wanted to do a lot more than that .

“C-Cool, then I’ll see you through a screen next time,” Shigaraki scratches his neck awkwardly. You give him that practiced smile you show to all the customers. “Oh, what time do you get out?” he asks, and you give him a confused look. “S-so I know when to hop on! Just in case..” he drifts off, trying to keep cool. You tell him around 8, and he leaves. That’s perfect. Gives him just enough time to run some errands.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shigaraki went to the hardware store and got the smallest cameras he would find. He hurried over to your place, and prayed the key was still under the rug where you left it. And it was! He unlocked your door, and your small dog ran up to him, jumping on his leg. “You’re a friendly little guy, aren’t you?” he says, leaning down to pet the dog. Don’t get distracted ! He reminded himself. He began by setting a few cameras up in your room, one facing each corner. This gave him a perfect view of your bed, desk, and closet. While he was in there, he picked up a piece of thin red fabric off the ground. He inhaled deeply, to smell a sweet and salty scent. He shoved them into his pockets for later, and finished placing the cameras.

Back out in the living room, your dog was following him around. Shigaraki knelt down and gave him a pat. He read the dog's collar; apparently his name was Shiro. Cute. “You want something, Shiro? You need some food?” he asked, looking around for his dog dish. He found it and filled it up and then sat on the couch. He took your panties out of his pocket, giving them another whiff. The smell shot straight down to his groin, heating him up. He pulled his phone out and went to his album just for you and scrolled through the pictures. He loved you so dearly, and one day you would know just how much he cherished you. He played back the small interactions the two of you had, and all the memories you’d have together in the future. He palmed his hardening cock, head leaning back on the couch.

It was 6:30, he still had a few more hours before you were back. He revealed his dick from his sweatpants, his tip leaking pre. He put your red panties in his hand, and started to jerk himself off- the soft lace brushing against the underside of his dick. His breathing became hitched and sporadic at the thought of you underneath him making the same noises. No, he wasn’t experienced, but you would teach him everything he needed to know!

“Y/N… god you’re so tight..” he groaned. His hips thrusting up into you as you let out lewd noises for him. He grabbed your face and whispered sweet nothings into your ear.

“God please- fuck, I’m close, Shiggy!” you whined under him, twitching with your back arched and a tit in his mouth. The thoughts that filled his mind went directly to his cock. Shigaraki humped his hand, wishing it could be you, waiting for when it was you. Maybe you’d even fuck on this couch, who knows. He quickly finished and made sure to leave nothing behind before heading out and staking out behind the bushes again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You throw yourself on the couch as always, sitting where he sat just an hour ago. You made yourself some tea as you turned the tv on. It wasn’t too late, meaning Shigaraki could watch you for a bit.

A little later, you make yourself dinner. You take the trash out and leave it by the road. Shigaraki, being the weirdo he is, makes his way across the street, dangerously close to your front window, to snoop through your trash. There had to be something good in there. . He rummaged through your trash to find empty take out containers, some paper, and- chapstick? He wasn’t big on using it himself, but if it was yours, it was automatically going on his lips. He thought of it like an indirect kiss from his one and only. It had a taste of sweet strawberries, probably what you would taste like if he ever had the chance to kiss you. One day, he keeps telling himself. He pulls out his phone to check your room cameras and he sees you starting up your pc. Right! You asked to game with him earlier!  Shigaraki raced back home to load his game, praying he would find you in one of the local servers. There was FlameThrower2050 , TheRadicalDude , SuckItRight , and Shiro’sCloud online. You had to be the last one. He shot you a direct message, asking if you were up for a game, and you said yes. You actually said yes! Of course, you didn’t know it was him. You went into a private lobby and you turned on your headset. “Hey, can you hear me?” you asked innocently. Your pure voice went right through his heart. “Uh yeah, you sound great,” he blurts out. “Oh, Shigaraki?” you remembered his name?! This left him ecstatic. The game starts and you play a few rounds, Shigaraki being in heaven. You ended up beating him. In every. Single. Round. A bit embarrassing for him, but you laughed it off and didn’t make fun of him for it. Oddly, that stuck with him. You were so nice the whole time- he couldn’t wait to talk to you at work tomorrow!

It was getting late, which is why you had to go, which also meant Shigaraki got to watch you on the cameras. He pulled out his phone, switching to the view of your bed. You crawled in with just panties and an oversized shirt on, how cute. You scrolled on your phone for a little, until it dropped on your chest and you fell asleep. Your phone battery is gunna die, silly… Shigaraki thinks to himself. He could always go over and plug it in for you. No! That was too dangerous!! What if you wake up when he’s standing over you? Certainly that’s not a good impression to leave. He argues with himself for a bit before he’s out of the house, running down the street. His feet carry him all the way back to your place. He grabs the key and goes for the door. It was unlocked. You left it unlocked for him? How nice of you! He sneaks in and Shiro is quick to jump on him. Shiro took quite a liking to him. He tiptoed over to your room, looking at your sleeping body through the door crack. He opened the door slightly, going in and looming over you. He pried the phone from out of your hands and plugged it in for you. You would thank him later; tomorrow! When you’d see him next. Shigaraki zoned out, watching you sleep soundly for a good hour, stealing pictures of you while you were snoring, and getting a quick sniff of your hair. He had stayed there a lot longer than intended, the sun starting to rise. He snuck out of your room and locked the door on his way out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh, hey!” Shigaraki hears your pleasant voice call out to him from the counter. “Last night was a lot of fun; how about we play again tonight?” you ask him. He immediately says yes, his heart doing flips in his chest. This was the start of something good.

[therealbeachfox]

Wait, you were talking about "Gods of Astielle" being the next in line after "Rise of Empire", but I thought Queen of All Monsters came after Rise of Empire?? Does Stars Rising Infinite take place between those two, or what's going on? Who even designed this timeline in the first place?!

[[Character Breaking Information to Prevent Confusion: This whole thing is meta fan-fiction for @unpretty's Astielle series, which is written as if it's fan-fiction of a non-existent long-running video game series. This is my vision of what said game series might look at based on everything she's written so far. Legend of Starlight Hero XII: The Gods of Astielle is the name of the 'current game' Astielle is supposedly fanfiction of. This is written shortly before its release.]]

Well, no one. That's the problem. By the time anyone involved with the series realized it was going to last long enough for Lore to be a concern, they'd already played so fast and loose with the reincarnation cycles it was anyone's guess how they all related to each other. There are centuries long gaps between game-worthy incarnations, piles of side-games that constantly contradict each other, all those comics and novelizations, and so many Youtube videos trying to detangle the whole mess.

But you're in luck, Anon! With Gods of Astielle coming out, I've been mulling over this very question myself lately, and I am ready to present to you and the world the only 100% True and Canonical Legend of the Starlight Hero/Astielle timeline.

[[A screenshot of The Old Man of the Mountain sitting in his chair in front of a room full of herbs and bottles in all his 32-bit glory, but with a fox-head crudely pasted over his face]]

So come in from the cold, child, and buckle the fuck in. The Old Fox of the Mountain has some learning for you.

First, I'm laying down some ground rules so this project is halfway feasible.

I) I'm only covering video games. No novels/comics/web exclusives/terrible 1989 cartoons. I'm not getting caught in the "You forgot this obscure three issue manga from 1991 that said-" trap.

II) All numbered Legend of the Starlight Hero games have to be canonical. Yes, even Return to Monster Mountain. Yes, even Queen of All Monsters. Sorry.

III) All games involving time-travel (Tangled Skein of Destiny) or alternate time-lines (90% of the Untraveled Paths DLCs) or crossovers (Smash Brothers) are automatically out of the lineup. Yes, this means that I'm not covering some of the best games of the series, but to make up for it, the canon timeline includes the absolute worse ones.

IV) Any games which directly contradict world details or events laid out in the mainline games are out. So we wont be covering the Stardust Dungeons series or Fight of Goddesses/Final Flight or any of the PSP games. Again, not saying whether they're good (Fight of Goddesses) or bad (Stardust Dungeons), just whether they're part of the Main Canon timeline or not. "But if you assume that X is true, and Y was lying about Z, then technically~" This isn't Unraveled. If you want to imagine that there's a colony of sentient rootboars having magical adventures in their underground kingdom that no one else knows about somehow, that's all fine and good, but unless there's a sequence in Gods of Astielle where we meet them, I'm not counting it as canon.

Second:

My arrangement of the timeline may not be your arrangement of the timeline. The games I consider to be canon might not be the same ones you do. It's your right to disagree and it is my right to be correct.

Finally:

To try and make things clearer, all the Legend of the Starlight Hero games will be in bold, while all other games that are part of the main timeline like Monster Kingdom Builder will be in bold + italics.

Quick Lexicon (for the lil'ones):

Astielle: The World/Universe the LotSH games all take place in. Starlight Hero/LotSH/Astielle are used interchangably when talking about the series/franchise as a whole which doesn't get confusing at all, what are you talking about?

Dan (Thanks, Dan) Ryner: Head of Void Star Games studio and edge lord supreme. Banished to the wastes of Idaho for his many many sins

Fantastico: Plastic toy maker turned video-game maker turned console maker turned industry-cautionary-tale. Were responsible for the LotSH golden age of 1990-2000, and then also for whatever you want to call the 2001-2006 period.

Ito Makoto: The original creator of LotSH, and chief game designer until his death in 1998

Itokoto: Japanese game company that was the first publisher of LotSH and related games until it's bankrupcy in 1990

LotSH: Legend of the Starlight Hero. The main series of games for Astielle

Nichelle Augustin: Studio Head for White Spire Games. Also a former developer for Void Star Games who managed to grab the LotSH license and leap out of company headquarters right as the whole thing imploded in slow motion behind her.

Void Star Games: Owners of the Starlight Hero franchise from 2007-2015. Despite their best efforts, LotSH survived their stewardship.

White Spire Games: The current developers for LotSH since 2016.

Everything clear? Alright. Let's start at the beginning

=*=*=

Lute Bard Hero (2007) [Void Star Games] [Arcade/Wii/PS/Xbox]

[[A stylized Renfaire-esc bard playing a lute in a rockstar pose as magic explodes behind him. Jet Black from School of Rock has been crudely photoshopped over him]]

No, stop, don't click away! I swear I'm fucking serious! Let me explain.

It's 2006, era of Guitar Hero clones and endless Wii filler, and a spunky little studio named Void Star Games had just snagged up the rights to the Starlight Hero franchise in the aftermath of Fantastico's collapse. And while the studio heads plotted together in their dark crypts as to how best suck the joy and laughter and everything pure from the franchise, their shovelware department was put to work creating some quick and easy cash grabs to provide the funding.

One of these projects started as a generic Guitar Hero knockoff "with a twist". The twist being, you were a generic fantasy-world bard doing heavy metal rock if lutes were able to play heavy metal rock. Then the programmers realized that, hey, their company owned this great pre-existing fantasy world franchise that came with all sorts of pre-developed assets and started mining the entire Starlight Hero franchise for... easter eggs? Homages? Fanboying?

Regardless, what you wound up with was a too-short rock-opera where your first-person bardic protagonist traveled the countryside of 'Almost, but not quite Astielle', playing giant fantasy kingdom stadiums and rocking with Void-Magic Heavy Metal Rock, and occasionally defeating armies with wicked lute solos. If it had more than eight stages, or if they'd been able to hire someone halfway competent to write the music, it would've been awesome.

So why does this count as the first Astielle game and not just an easter-egg filled one-off? Well, the head developer of Lute Bard Hero was a bright young lady named Nichelle Augustin, and there was this other game she'd be head producer of a decade later...

=*=*=

Legend of the Starlight Hero XI - Stars Rising Infinite (2018) [White Spire Games] [XBox/PS/PC]

[[The boxart of Stars Rising Infinite featuring the Heavenly Trio in action poses.

Jet Black from School of Rock's head has once again been pasted over Vaelon's.

Brienne of Tarth's face has been pasted over Lynette’s.

Karzarul's head has been replaced with Baby Yoda's]]

*wicked heavy metal lute solo*

Go back and look at that lute in the screen shots above. Now look down at Vaelon's lute. Now look at the hands. Now compare the Aekhite Empire architecture with the architecture of the final concert arena. Now look at how Vaelon's primary mechanic is Void Magic powered by Heavy Metal Lute Solos.

[[Two screenshots side by side of first-person perspective from The Lute Bard and Vaelon with redlines connecting all the similarities. A piece of the background from Stars Rising Infinite that crudely approximates a triangle has also been outlined in red with a heavily pixilated illuminati pyramid next to it]]

Lute Bard Hero is Vaelon's prelude story. After that final blowout concert, he wound up chilling with the imperial family, hit it off with the eldest daughter, and wound up helping her run off on her quest to find fairies willing to hook her up with Goddess Smiting powers to kill her brother with.

The rest is history.

So. This game.

It really, really shouldn't have worked.

I have publicly made penance for all the unkind things I said about the concept when the first teasers dropped. I've left them up as proof that even the best of us can be young and stupid at times. But come on, it was an origin prequel that no-one asked for that retconned some of the basic foundations of the entire series and they blew a significant portion of the budget on getting Jet Black to voice one of the Celestial Trio!

It really, really shouldn't have worked as well as it did!

Obviously, this is the first main game of the series chronologically, no question of that. The Celestial Weapons don't even exist until halfway through the main campaign! So, a Shitass Long Time Ago, in a land that's the exact same land we've always been on, the Aekhite Empire is still in one piece and the eldest daughter of the dead emperor thinks her older brother sucks at the job and comes to the conclusion that the most logical and straightforward solution is to wrangle a Void Witch to her cause, track down the king of fairies, get him to help her acquire the divine blessing (and arsenal) or her patron goddess, then use those to depose her brother all while an epic-rock soundtrack plays in the background.

I love you, Lynette, but did you ever consider just hitting him with a brick?

Along the way, the Void Witch flirts with a reflection of moonlight so hard it manifests a Sphinx Cat fursona to flirt back with, everyone winds up getting Patron Goddess Blessings, and the most dysfunctional love/hate triangle in history proceeds to conquer the world before crashing and burning so hard it sets off the Unending Murdercycle that's shaped Astiellian history ever since.

Vaelon almost muscles Jonys out of the position of Best Starlight Hero.

Karzarul completes his journey from "What If Bowser was a Sexy Were-demon" to "What If A-Precious-Cinnamon-Roll-Who-Just-Needs-a-Hug was a Sexy Were-demon".

Lynette is the Queen Empress of Hot Messes, the answer to the eternal question 'Why are the Heirs Like That?' as well as the archetype of Video Game Playable Antihero that all future game-writers should learn from. She is beauty, she is grace, she will stab you in the face.

I have so much more to say about this game. And I have. Repeatedly. Check the sidebar. Or my YouTube channel. Or get cornered by me at Furcon.

[[Screenshot from the Winding Paths of Destiny DLC of the popular "Mothman" alternate monster form saving Vaelon, Lynette, and Lynette's horse during the canyon collapse scene]]

The DLC for this game is god-tier, but explicitly non-canonical, so I'll pass it by other than saying I hope the 'Venturing Off the Path of Destiny' mechanic becomes a series standard. I don't know how they'd manage the "Frantic Quicktime Button Mashing Choices that Result in new Monster Forms" mechanic from the alternate timelines, but the Gods of Astielle devs have made noises that something from that will be showing up. I'm hoping for Mothman. Everyone's hoping for Mothman. Long live Mothman, King of all Mothmans.

=*=*=

Stars Rising: Astiellian Warriors (2019) (White Spire Games) [XBox One, PS4]

[[A screenshot of the stampede scene from Lion King with Tauril heads pasted on all the wildebests and Lynette's face pasted over Simba]]

This is such a stupid game. I love it so much. It's a blatant Dynasty Warriors knockoff, it's got a multiverse/timestorm framing plot, the fucking Universal Dragon plays a major role, and the voice acting is for shit. But you can also plow through 1,000 soldiers as a Tauril before kicking their commander in the face so hard he flies halfway across the map and ragdolls Lynette right off her horse. Glorious.

Even within the story, 80% of it is explicitly non-canonical, what with the branching timelines and multiverse shenanigans, but The Untrammeled Path of Destiny is straight up how Astiellian history actually went. The fact it explains the details of the Aekhite Empire's expansion and Lynette's and Karzarul's shadow war way better than Stars Rising did is just a surprise welcome bonus.

=*=*=

Aekhite Empire: Eternal Zenith (2019) (White Spire Games) [PC/Mac]

[[An old Evony ad. The standard big boobed princess has been replaced with a seductive Abyssscale, and Aekhite Empire is pasted over "Evony". The 'Please Save Us, My Lord' text remains unaltered]]

I don't play much 4X games beyond Civ, so I can't speak to how balanced or polished or original the gameplay of EZ is, but any game that gives you combat bonuses for sexing the opposing general so hard their stats fall off, or reserves an entire gameplay loop to sending your boy toy out to open in-universe quick-travel points is alright by me. There's a lot of world-building and random details they put in this one that don't contradict anything from the core games, and I hope it continues to stay that way because I love every bit of it. It paints such a deliciously fucked up view of of pre-collapse Aekhite Empire and I love the additional look into Lynette's head via all the Event Decisions that come up during your 'Conquest for their own Good' of the world. The 'Political Maneuvering' minigame might've gotten cut from Stars Rising, but this is a very suitable replacement.

=*=*=

Monster Kingdom Builder (1997) [Fantacon/PlayStation/N64/PC/Gameboy/Game Gear] [Fantastico]

[[The American box art of Monster Kingdom Builder. If there's been any memes photoshopped in, they're too subtle to notice.]]

No, this is completely canonical! Look at the state of the Moonrise Kingdom at the end of Stars Rising Infinite. Now look at how the Moonrise Kingdom looks the next time we see it in (spoilers) Legend of the Starlight Hero I. Going from wooden "Ewok meets Art Deco" stylings to Silver-veined Marble columns and big crystal stain-glass windows?

Sounds like someone took Lynette's whole "Savage Kingdom of Sticks and Stones" speech a little personally and spent the next few decades playing an adorable city builder with perky chiptunes and chibi-Turial loading icons in order to spruce the place up for when she got back. "See, Lynette?", he'd ask, "I spent forty hours arranging all the construction bridges just right so I could get marble from the furthest quarry to the palace without loosing a single Rex to a canyon crossing! And the pathway spells out 'Please love me, Lynette" in Old Astian!'"

Pity Needle was too much of an asshole to notice all the hard work Karzarul had put in to spruce the place up for them. But what else can you expect from the guy?

=*=*=

Black Drakonis I-IV (1984-1990) [Nintendo/Atari/Sega Master/Fantacon/Others] [Itokoto]

[[Super Mario Brothers screenshot with The Hero pasted over Mario. Toad's text has been altered to "Thank you HERO! But our BLACK DRAKONIS HAS TAKEN another castle!]]

The third pillar of the the Metrokonisvania genre. Also known as Lair of the Ebon Dragon, Lair of the Black Drakon, or Drakonis' Castle depending on who was in charge of translating for each system. It wasn't until Black Drakonis II made enough American sales that Itokoto cared enough to ensure there was a single title across all systems. The Black Drakonis games have continued after the fourth, but the rights were bought by a different company, and the cross-continuity that'd developed between it and Astielle was (mostly) broken off. White Drakonis remains ones of Karzarul's iconic forms, and Black Drakonis was a surprise major character in Stars Rising Infinite, not only giving us some truly amazing/hilarious moments, but tying the original four BD games in even tighter with the Astiellian timeline.

The Black Drakonis games are relatively straightforward (storywise). A giant not!Dragon has taken over a local castle, and whatever poor sap who appears on the cover has been recruited to go deal with that... somehow. It was noteworthy at the time for having Black Drakonis be a force of nature to drive off as opposed to a Final Boss to deplete the health bar of. This was the series that got Itokoto known in the west, and paved the way for Legend of the Starlight Hero to perform as well as it did.

When White Drakonis appeared as Karzarul's final form in LotSH III, it was mostly an issue of reusing existing assets as part of the legendarily rushed and penny-pinching creation process. But Ito Makoto ran with it, bringing Black Drakonis herself into LotSH IV and officially tying the series together. And while everything from Black Drakonis V and onward is in its own unconnected universe, the first four slot in neatly in the early days of the Reincarnation Cycle as Black Drakonis continuously seeks out and claims poorly guarded (by her standards) castles/spires/megadungeons to guard until such time as some unnamed protagonist arrives to drive her back off.

=*=*=

Legend of the Starlight Hero III - Return to Monster Mountain (1987) [Nintendo/Sega Master/Fantacon] [Itokoto]

[[Box art of LotSH III with giant OSHA Violation tape draped over everything]]

This is what happens when you push for a sequel to come out eight months after the previous game, people. So, Black Drakonis II hit America in 1986 and was a huge hit out of nowhere. Then when LotSH II dropped six months later, it became one of the holiday season's biggest sellers. Itokoto management saw the sales figures and sent the orders down that they needed the next LotSH game ready for Christmas 1987 Or. Else.

They sent this order down in April, 1987. Some things in game development never change.

Under an unexpected time crunch, the team got "creative". A half-completed side-scroller with the working titles Crystal Warriors of the Underground got a bunch of Starlight Hero sprites thrown in, the backgrounds turned from weird magitech caverns into Monster Mountain, combat was changed from the time honored 'Jump on their heads' to 'hit it with a sword', and someone took Black Drakonis, painted her white, and dropped that sprite set in as Karzarul's final form.

Not that anyone got to see it.

This game was brooo~oooken. This wasn't broken as in the Nintendo Hard style of the first two games. At least with those, it's possible to get all the timing right to actually beat Karzarul into a puddle. With Return to Monster Mountain, however, it's impossible to even get to the final stage. Level 8 sees Starlight Hero having to navigate increasingly narrow platforms over the standard bottomless pits, all the while getting arrows shot at him by an offscreen Karzarul which push you back whenever you get hit. People have had AIs run this level. There is no pattern of movement that can take you successfully through the level. The Itokoto playtesters never had a chance to give the game a proper go-over before its release, and it never got taken care of. "Fortunately", most players just assumed they weren't good enough to get past it, assuming they even got that far in the first place.

Still, it's canonical that at some point before Needle, some poor-assed sap went to retrieve his birthright weapon and got shot off a cliff by Karzarul, who was probably feeling pretty damned crabby about all these Not Vaelons that kept coming around for the sword by this point.

RIP nameless Starlight Hero. Watch the first step. It's a doozy.

All this and we're not at Needle yet? Stars above! Let's continue this conversation another day, child. Next time: We -finally- get to Needle. And hopefully the other Needle. Maybe even Jonys! Hoboy, Jonys.

[weepinglevi]

patience is a virtue

summary: college!au. all aged up. eren and reader continue with their sexual escapades. find part one here! warnings: 18+ minors dni. dirty text messages, dirty talk. dom!eren and bratty reader (i suppose?). throat fucking and semi-public sex. (no p in v tho) word count: around 3.5k A/N: i have a love/hate relationship with this eren ahaha, he's been ruling my brainrot ever since the last part so i hope you enjoy! there will be a part three eventually, so be on the lookout for that! enjoy your read and feedback is greatly appreciated! xx

you awake to your phone vibrating somewhere next to you. the hope of it only being a one-time occurrence quickly proven to be false as it just wouldn't stop. brr-brr. a second of silence. brr-brr. pause. brr-brr.

taking a mental note to never go to sleep again without turning off your phone, you roll over to your other side and try to ignore it. you could simply answer the texts, but that meant you'd have to open your eyes. and that whoever was texting you would win this weird battle you've just come up with in your head.

"if you don't pick up your goddamn phone, i'll smack you over the head with it," sasha groans from the other side of your shared dorm, words coming slurry with her tiredness.

brr-brr.

"i could also stick it up your ass, your decision," a pillow comes flying to your head, serving as enough of a warning for you to sit up in your bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"quit moaning, i'll turn it off now," you yawn, feeling around your bed for your phone, "you never hear me complaining about the shit you do in the middle of the night."

"that's because my shit is funny and not fucking annoying," she scoffs, followed by a muted thump as she is sinking back down into her pillows. sasha's way of ending the conversation.

you find your phone half-tucked underneath your pillow, the display already lighting up again. someone is desperate for attention, you think to yourself and unlock your phone with an annoyed sigh. the messages were coming from an unknown number.

thinking about your wet pussy. this is eren, btw. historia gave me your number. i told her you wouldn't mind you don't mind, do you?

in a matter of seconds, your heart is beating in your throat once more, just like this afternoon in that godforsaken computer lab. ears growing hot at his words, you could almost imagine the sound of him laughing at you again. with trembling fingers, you scroll down further.

anyway, let's do it again sometime i told you. i'll never let you forget about how you moaned my name i'm also not forgetting about how badly i want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, so it's a win-win see ya, then

staring down at your phone, you don't know if you should answer him. and even if you would answer his texts, what the hell should you say? "fucking bastard," the words escaping your mouth before even realizing that you'd better keep quiet. the only thing that could make this situation any worse was if sasha were to wake up again.

scratch that, you think as you see eren's new messages.

how badly do you want to suck my cock? you looked really hot today, covered in my cum what, you're shy again?

there are two ways this could go: either you stand up, put on some clothes, and then go to eren's dorm to let hell rain upon him - or simply mute your phone and ignore him. deciding to go with the latter, you lie back down and save his number as "fuckhead", a small grin forming on your face. if he wants to be childish, then you can be, too.

the display still lighting up at a steady pace, you have to fight the urge to open his other messages. to physically prevent yourself from grabbing your phone again, you put your hands between your thighs and sigh. what the hell have i gotten myself into?

"so, who am i gonna have to teach some manners today?", sasha asks in the morning, "because there are only two valid reasons for sending that many texts in the middle of the night," she sits up in her bed and bends over to reach for her phone, "either someone's dead or there's a food sale."

cringing at the thought of having to read the countless other messages eren has sent throughout the night, you try to laugh at her comment, "of course, when there's food involved, you're all for it."

"girl's gotta eat," she claims, thankfully being too distracted by something on her phone to notice your strange behavior, "i'm gonna be back later than usual today, connie wants me to be his wingman again."

starting to go off on a tangent about how connie should just get a dating app already, sasha's words become more of background noise to you. you want to know what he wrote. what he has in store for you. at the same time, you curse yourself out. you're turning into a headless chicken and all of it because of eren fucking yeager?

you nod here and there, offering her a "yes" at what you believe to be fitting moments, desperately hoping she doesn't catch up on your restlessness. all the while the two of you are getting ready for the day. this goes on for a few more minutes and you have no clue what she's talking about now, so you decide to grab your phone and stand up.

"i'm gonna go for a run around campus, you want coffee?" you blurt out, interrupting her monologue. the device in your hand feels as if it's burning through your skin. slipping into your trainers, you're already halfway out the room, her perplexed "uh- yes, please," being muffled by the door closing behind you.

it's still warm outside - not as hot as yesterday, but warm enough for you to be glad to have forgotten your cardigan earlier. you let out a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. even though you told sasha you'd be out for a run, you walk at a slow pace.

some people are already wandering around campus, most of them on their way to a lecture. at this time in the morning, everyone has their heads full with their own worries so no one notices you slowly making your way off-campus.

arriving at a little park surrounded by trees, you sit down on the bench farest off. you notice your heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird when pulling the phone out of your back pocket. fuck him, you think once again while typing in your code. fuck him for making me feel this way.

12 unread messages.

didn't seem all too shy when i had my hand wrapped around your throat no need to play hard to get when i already had you if that makes sense? haven't fucked you yet doesn't mean i won't get to fuck you

all you want is to feel appalled by these messages. to screenshot them and send them to the dean. maybe even to his mother. sickened with yourself though, you already feel the familiar warmth creeping up your body, curling up in your abdomen.

i know you want it, too how fucking needy you were for me getting yourself off in public to the thought of me maybe you can tell me what exactly you were thinking of? gonna make sure to let your dreams come true, princess

pet names? you clench your fist at the thought of eren leaning over you, breathing the word princess into your ear. you have an inkling that he'd say it mockingly; spitting it out whilst gathering your hair in a ponytail, arching your back forcefully, and slamming his length into you without mercy.

no. you hate pet names. at least, you've always hated them.

i'm gonna find out if you're ignoring me right now remember, you're not the best actress. fucking suck at it, actually wouldn't want to be punished now, would we?

his last message echoed in your head. still coming to terms with the fact of what happened yesterday, now you have to deal with a whole new revelation: eren yeager being a cocky motherfucker pushing all the right buttons for you. even though you want to blast his ass for this, the mere thought of him being near you again is too sweet of an imagination.

you want to play this game, too. for whatever reason keep on riding this high, and you just know that no one could do it quite as well as eren can. somehow you can only imagine taking him on this ride with you, no one else.

so, in that manner you decide to ignore his messages. if he's desperate enough to keep on sending them in the middle of the night, you're sure it won't be long until he sends another text. and it would give him enough reason to try and punish you, whatever that might entail – you're excited to find out. fucking nervous, too. but then again, who wouldn't be?

you stand up and put your phone in your back pocket, a sense of excitement surrounding your steps as you turn left to make your way to the nearest coffee shop.

"something tells me you're ignoring me," of course, the moment eren's voice comes up behind you, you fucking flinch like a little bird that's been scared away, "mostly because i've seen you reading the messages, but what do i know?"

you turn to see him clutching his heart dramatically, "don't play with my feelings like this," he swoons, bringing one hand to his forehead. he's laughing again, all white teeth and bright smiles – you realize this is the kind of eren you rarely get to see. not the cocky bastard he normally portrays; right now, he seems to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, just enjoying himself. still, you want to show him that you can play just as well as he can.

crossing your arms in front of your chest, you slightly raise a brow, trying your hardest to not look as nervous as you feel. it's a lost cause though because you can already feel the tips of your ears glowing with heat again. can't things go my way for once? just once? you think and chew the inside of your cheek. you felt so sure of yourself just moments ago. how the hell can he have this sort of effect on you?

suddenly, his whole demeanor changes. before, he seemed laid-back, entertained by the game he played with you. now he leans forward, hands in the pockets of his jacket and an almost cruel smile forming on his lips, "don't try to challenge me in this. you'll lose."

you know that you should feel frightened. terrified, even. he's looking like a lion preparing to jump the antelope, a sense of alarming calmness around him that's causing the small hairs on your neck to stand up. but alas, the way he's looking at you seems to have the same effect on you his scent has.

"i told you not to ignore me," eren says and takes a few steps closer to you, "yet here you are, doing it again." the chuckle leaving his lips a stark contrast to his stern gaze, still trained on you. somehow, you feel awfully small again - still not frightened, though. you stare right back at him, tilting your head slightly as if you wanted to say "so what?"

"are you seriously that desperate to be punished?"

better now than never, you think and once again place a courtly smile on your lips, "seems like it."

for a split second, you see eren's smug look turn into a genuine smile. realizing that you're up for his game, he lets out a smooth whistle, "you do surprise me."

"if you wouldn't always be so full of yourself, i'm sure you'd have recognized this sooner," you can feel the confidence growing in yourself again. clinging on to it, you take a step toward him, "i'm full of surprises."

"oh, yeah? i bet you are," from the corner of your eye, you can see him lifting his hand. before thinking twice about it, you bat it away, "i'm not one for public displays of affection."

oh, it is on– eren's smirk turns into a full-fledged grin as he takes a grip of your wrist, "you sure about that?" lifting your hand to his face, for a short moment you think he's going to suck on your fingers again. but all he does is place a faint kiss on the back of your hand, "didn't seem like it yesterday."

"you weren't supposed to see."

"but i'm so glad i did," he leans forward, the two of you standing so close you can feel his breath on your face, "or else we wouldn't have this kind of fun right now."

still having a hold of your hand, he lifts his other to your jaw, gently tracing his thumb across your lower lip, "you looked so pretty in your skirt yesterday."

taking a leap of faith, you grab his hand, holding it in place and letting your tongue run across the tip of his thumb before biting down playfully. there's a hiss and then eren pulls away and grabs your arm, "come with me."

finally, you think and let him guide you to wherever he wants, let's have some fun, then.

on your way out of the park, you pass jean and marco. even though they stand to greet eren, he just raises his hand whilst not breaking his pace, "gotta go, have an assignment to work on."

"never seen you that determined, but go off," jean laughs.

before you know it, you're inside one of the countless maintenance sheds. pushing you against the wall, eren's movements seem to become more and more erratic by the second. pinning your arms over your head, he's looking down at you, breathing heavily. "you have no idea what you just got yourself into," licking his lips, he chuckles.

"oh, but i think i actually do," you smile innocently, fucking glad to have found your normal self again. admittedly, eren threw you off your game since yesterday – but it's just going to play into your hands now. he won't see it coming until it's hitting him straight in the face; that you're just as messed up as he seems to be.

"then prove it," he breathes against your ear, "tell me how badly you want it."

the stuffy air inside the dimly lit shed doesn't help with keeping eren's scent away from you. being so close to him, looking up into his shadowed face and right into his dilated eyes; you're like putty in his hands. you try to move forward, to touch him in some way because you just know that he'll feel so good under your skin.

"now now, princess," he moves even closer, wedging you between himself and the wall, "how about we learn some patience, first?"

you nod, but then grind up against his thigh, hissing through your teeth, "i worry i'll be a real handful." you know you could very well move your hands, too – eren seems to still be testing the waters as to how far he can go with you. but with him actually letting you grind on him; you decide to play into his hands.

your breaths grow quicker as you keep on, pace becoming erratic. all you want is to get rid of your track pants – come to think of it, what you actually want is eren under you whilst you continuously bounce on his cock. you want to hear him call you princess and immediately after call you his little whore because that's exactly what you are.

eren has a little smile on his lips and you know you should ask yourself why – because you're doing exactly what he has forbidden you to do – but you're too far gone. the heat growing, you feel your knees buckle but he's holding you up; one hand now resting on your waist for support. you're so close –

and then he pulls away from you, nearly causing you to topple over. chest heaving, you place your hands on your knees for balance, "what the fuck was – "

"patience is a virtue," interrupting you with a laugh, but his voice heavy with lust, "thought i might give you a lesson you're ought to remember."

you look up to see eren palming his erection through his pants, standing about an arm's length away from you, "but i have to admit, hearing you getting yourself off is fucking hot."

biting your teeth together, you straighten up and take a step toward him – only for him to click his tongue in disapproval, "you're gonna stay right there," tugging at his pants he raises his eyebrow, "i told you what i want, get on your knees for me."

"the fuck i will," you spit out and make a move again, grasping for his waistband. but eren is quick to take a hold of your hand and pushes you back to the wall, "come on, now, princess," he chuckles but his eyes are concentrated at you, "you want this, don't you?". he's asking for permission, the thought feeling very comforting to you. and also, very excited for what's about to come.

"of course, i do," you answer him earnestly, resting the back of your head against the wall, "or else i wouldn't be here."

"fantastic," he breathes, a little smile playing in the corners of his mouth, "then get down on your knees," placing his hands on your shoulders, weighing you down, "i won't ask again."

the change of tone in his voice has you nodding, slowly sinking onto your knees, you're bursting in anticipation. one hand finally pulling down his pants, he runs his other through your hair, then down your jaw until it comes to rest on your chin.

thumbing at your lower lip, he groans "do i have to be careful?"

you just shake your head no. then you break away from his gaze, fixing your eyes on the bobbing cock in front of you. it's tip leaking with precum already, you remember how badly you wanted to lick it away yesterday.

taking his cock at its base, you bend forward and slide your tongue around its head. the salty taste sending shudders down your spine, you make sure to lift your eyes again once you prepare to take it all down your throat. your other hand snakes up to his balls, slightly tugging them which earns you a moan from eren, and fuck, you're so wet at the sound alone, you let go of his cock and slide one hand down to your own center.

he gathers your hair in one hand, taking the base of his throbbing cock in the other, "bet this is what you thought of yesterday," he slowly but surely pulls your head in closer, "of how i fuck the words right out of you."

bucking your hips into your own hand, you can do nothing but whimper at his words. because yes, this is exactly what you imagined. he's only halfway in and you're already struggling to breathe, but not wanting him to stop you hold your breath and push down even further; trying desperately not to moan.

the tears in your eyes causing your vision to be blurry, you attempt to blink them away.

"shit – ", he's pumping into you now, rubbing the tears from your cheeks and then placing both his hands on your head, "you're doing so well – "

getting lost in his words, the fear of being caught is so far away; you finally moan around his cock. saliva soaking the hem of his shirt, you can't seem to take his whole length, no matter how hard you try. you're a fucking mess under him and the thought alone is nearly sending you over the edge.

he's trying to pull away now and you know he's close, so you snake your hand around his hip, hoping this is enough of a sign to him that if he dared to cum anywhere else than down your throat, you'd bite him.

"you really – " his voice is hoarse, "fuck – this is fucking perfect," he moans as he comes to the realization. leaning his arm against the wall behind you, he's fucking himself into your mouth, his panting and the sound of your choking filling the room.

you close your eyes to blink the tears away again, but eren pulls on your hair, "no – look at me."

with this the knot in your belly explodes, leaving you holding on to eren's hip as you ride the waves of electricity that are running through your body like lava.

"such a good little whore – " he's gone as well, holding your head in place as he's pumping his load down your throat, leaving you no other option than to swallow – which you eagerly do. you feel his legs shaking under your hands.

once again, eren hands you his shirt to clean your face. this time, you take it with a smile, noting that, "i still have your other one."

"don't worry, i'll come get it sometime when sasha's away," the two of you know exactly what this means – neither of you are planning on this to be over anytime soon.

"i'll let you know, then," you nod and stand up, hoping you don't look as well-fucked as you feel, and make your way to the door, "she's gone most of the time."

taglist: @jeageristbaby @icedkoffees @blondeboyfriend @peachysimp @levibasketcase @zimzalabim1110 @droolingoverfanfics

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[n1k1tty]

keep it on the down low - nishimura riki

╰─ ever since you were selected as riki’s next partner for his upcoming dance collab, you may or may not have developed feelings for each other. but despite their companies not really supporting dating in their idol's careers, both riki and y/n tried to keep it on the down low. key word: tried

pairings: idol! riki x idol! reader

genre: fluff

It was around 2 am in the morning when you and Riki decided to stay for a little bit more to finish up the first part of the song.

"1 2 3 4, 5 6 7 8" Riki counts as you both move in sync, he smiles at your worn out figure laying down on the ground "tired? we can wrap this up if you want to"

He sits down next to you, handing you his cup of cold water. Your mind secretly going on frantic over his little gesture "Let's just finish this last part and i'm heading home- unless you're tired too-" you sip the water, sitting up.

"-Nah, nah i'm not tired yet" He shakes his head. crap, did that sound too desperate? Riki asks himself, trying his best to not make it seem like he was avoiding your gaze

"Alright then, 2:30 we'll leave" You say, walking towards the table as you place the cup. Riki seriously didn't know how calm and collected you were especially with just the two of you alone, together. No managers, no members, nada.

You start playing the music, feeling yourself getting more exhausted each minute that passed by. Sloppily moving your body with the rhythm. Of course that didn't go unnoticed by Riki.

As the song ended, you both face each other. It was a part of the dance, but your face being barely an inch from Riki's wasn't. You both froze, not knowing what to do. Well, facing a different way was another solution, but neither of you wanted to do that, let's be honest.

At this moment, Riki didn't give a shit.

He grabbed you by the waist, faces inching closer by the second. But before your lips could touch—

“This one is for the boys with the boomin syst— Riki? Y/n?” Heeseung takes a second to blink, eyes refusing to see what he was seeing “I uh, I gotta go. My manager is asking if i’m at home. See you Riki, Bye Heeseung” You hurriedly pack your things, face red from embarrassment and the thought of you and Riki almost kissing.

“Hyung— I can explain—“ Riki walks towards him, trying to grab his hand “—Riki calm down, I wont tell” Heeseung chuckles, patting Riki’s bag “If you don’t know where my airpods are, then go walk her home. She’s not supposed to be out at this hour alone. I’ll take your stuff back to the dorm aight?”

“Oh gosh” you groaned, dragging your feet as you rethink what had happened “What should I do?” You pull your hair.

Just as you were about to turn to the corner you hear him call your name ‘No Riki! This is not the time!’ you panicked, but just before you could act as if you didn’t hear him, he taps you by the shoulder “Riki, just what the hell are you thinking chasing me right at this hour!?” You whisper-yell at him “I was just worried about you walking home at 3 am. Your company sucks for not getting you a driver”

“No I told them I could walk home” You chuckle, in Riki’s eyes you seemed so bothered. Noticing the way you dragged your feet and messy hair “Everything okay?” He asked, facing you

“Riki we’re doomed! Heeseung knows, and maybe dispatch is somewhere out there already taking pictures of us at this mome—”

He giggles “So what?” You gasp, mouth open. You seriously couldn’t believe this kid.

“So what?! Ugh, why do I even put up with you” facepalming as you groan

“Heeseung hyung said he wouldn’t tell, and I don’t care about dispatch, engenes know how close we are and does your fans. They’ll think this is a friendly gesture” Riki reassures you as he looked at the stars, finding peace within your presence.

“So don’t worry okay? Everything will be alright. And if they ever suspect anything, I’ll try to find a way to get us out of it” He stops by your doorstep “Well, this is your dorm, good night y/n—”

Without a thought running through your mind, you pecked Riki Nishimura. Immediately trying to unlock the door “Good night Riki” You smile, squealing once you closed it “I saw that” Ningning smirks. There goes your money.

—

It was the following week after your collaboration with Riki was released and so far everything was going great. Both your fans really liked the content you both made, appreciating your talents and especially loved your ‘friendship’

Riki was right, everything was going to be alright. No dispatch and no suspicions from the fans and both companies.

And ever since that night, you and Riki had decided to make it official. Both agreeing to keep it a secret for now until you were both ready.

Thankfully the fans recognized the playful personalities and cherished your friendship, making videos like “Y/n and Riki being chaotic in their (collab) behind” and “Riki and Y/n being the best friends everyone would want” Of course, your companies noticed the sudden increase of popularity for both groups and proposed an idea of having each other in shows, and other things that could possibly make you interact more. Almost immediately, you both were very supportive of the idea and agreed to do more shows.

—

You guys had an episode to go to the beach with the other Enhypen members. As you were filming the things that you were packing, Riki knocks on your door “Oh? Riki came~” you cooed, smiling at the sight of his head peaking through the door “Y/n! You’re packing more than necessary” He laughs, looking at the big pile of folded clothes.

After a few minutes, you decided to stop filming. Immediately throwing yourself into Riki’s arms “Are you excited?” you asked, rubbing circles on his back “not really— I mean yeah i kinda am but what if the other members—”

He pouts at the sound of you laughing “No ones gonna steal me Nishimura Riki. If that’s what you’re worried about” you squished his cheeks

“Now help me pick which swim suit I should wear”

“Okay :D” He gladly says, sitting patiently as you start gathering the options.

So far, filming with enhypen was fun, you got to play games in the pool, grill meat, answering mini interviews the other members held, you enjoyed it all.

Of course the trip wouldn’t be complete without you and Riki flirting with each other once in a while. Which caught both your fans attention, posting overly suspicious interactions between you and Riki. Leaving comments like “act surprised when they reveal that they’re dating” and “OKAY CAN WE TALK ABOUT: Y/n casually wrapping her arms around Riki’s neck while just staring at each other in today’s behind” all around twitter.

Jungwon being active on all social media platforms didn’t help either, resulting to him realizing that you and Riki were more than just friends. Soon enough the other members figure it out as well, silently sitting back and enjoying you both so oblivious towards the fact that everyone knew.

Meanwhile, you and Riki thought you were doing an excellent job at keeping it a secret. While resting on the same bed watching a movie, your manager barges in, shoving the phone into both your faces “Nishimura Riki, care to explain?”

A screenshot of Dispatch tweeting about your guy’s relationship is trending on twitter, following a few screenshots of fans posting about your relationship.

Your heart drops

His manager chuckled, “I already knew. Just came to tell you CEO Bang supports it and would like to have a meeting about confirming it”

Long story short, you both did agree to publicize your relationship and was extremely happy to hear that the fans supported you both

yall, i dont rlly like how i wrote this :( but i rlly missed posting so…. I SWEAR ILL MAKE BETTER ONES. i just need to find my motivation to do so :)

[lesmond-sycamore]

Please tell us the "useless" mcsm facts

HI THANK YOU FOR ASKING I HAVE A LOT OF THESE. To my knowledge none of these are listed on the fan wiki so you're getting ~exclusive knowledge~ that I've learned/noticed from my 100+ hours of playing and some snooping on Eric Stirpe's tumblr. I don't know how many of these are actually console-specific so just know I play on Switch and PC and all the screenshots are from my Switch.

- Jens is at Endercon!

- Holding left/right before Jesse gets caught in the tractor beam of the Witherstorm when running out of Endercon (right before the gate) and continuing to hold it on the death screen causes Jesse to slide off the screen.

- Magnus's intro in "The Order of the Stone" has a picture of a cat on the left side of the screen. I have no idea whose cat this is.

- Jack can be seen twice before Jesse and Petra officially meet him. You can see him once in the credits and again if you make Jesse walk past the piston and towards the mine until the camera changes and then walk back to the piston.

- Jesse can say Harper's name before she even gives it to them by selecting "There's no place to hide out here." while in the ditch.

- In the Spanish sub of Season 1 a lot of the lines are just. not translated. I can't speak for the other languages though.

- Gill can be seen multiple times throughout Endercon. He's at the DJ booth, but he doesn't move, have a shadow, or despawn for some reason.

- Anytime the game shows the big zoom-out of the Portal Hall (end of "Order Up!" and the beginning of "Access Denied"), there are no purple portals, but in playable parts, there are purple portals.

- Also in the zoom-out, there's a green portal that gives off a red glow for some reason.

-Eric Stripe didn't like the fact that Reuben was killed and wanted to bring him back for Season 3 before it got scrapped. He was going to be the Reuben of another universe where Jesse was killed by the Witherstorm and be battle-hardened.

- Female Jesse gets misgendered in "Assembly Required" by Ellegaard calling them "Non-Goggle Guy," a Boomtown resident using "him" for them, and of course, being called "King of Boomtown," which could just be a joke since they also call themself that.

- Soren can actually be seen outside hanging out with the endermen!

- Petra appears (and by "appearing" I mean has a speaking role and has some bearing on the episode's plot because she does appear in the "Previously on MCSM" in "Assembly Required" but I don't count that) in every single episode unless you choose Gabriel over her in "The Order of the Stone."

- If you look at the well while searching for Reuben and back out (at least on Switch) this happens.

It can be fixed by walking in circles or interacting with the costume.

- In the Spanish dub of Season 2 in "Giant Consequences" when Stella and "Vos" are floating down the water canals, the scene is super slowed down and genuinely nightmare fuel.

- There's a beta version of "Training Montage" in the files. It's file name is "The" and sounds more electronic.

- Also in the files for every episode in Season 1 is every sound file from Minecraft??? They're all labeled "source_(minecraft file name)"

- Xara's cell wouldn't work in actual Minecraft. Pistons can't move obsidian.

- Also something that doesn't work is Romeo's sacrifice where he runs back after you try to take him with you but you took Radar to the surface in "Beneath the Bedrock" and Radar's hero scene where he runs in with the giant enderman to save the day. The bridge is destroyed, but for both scenes, the devs replaced the non-existent bridge so they could have their big moments.

- Also speaking of bridges, I don't know what causes this (I think it's the decision to stay and help Ellegaard try and make the command block), but the Redstonia bridge Jesse jumps off of can have a larger gap that results Jesse running on mid-air. The high-quality one is the normal bridge and the two crunchy ones are the bugged-out bridge. (Sorry for the quality on the right ones, I had to screenshot my phone recording of it.)

- Ivor was going to have a different plot in Season 2 involving him being all fixed-up by Harper (like what he looks like in Season 2) and was going to be on a quest for Soren that would gradually make him fall back into his old eccentric ways as the game progressed.

- If you rebuild Reuben's monument and then die to the strays, the monument you rebuilt will still be there even though the dialogue still says it was destroyed.

- Also while on the topic of strays, there are multiple mentions of 1.11 features (llamas, woodland mansions, etc), but there are only 2 mentions of 1.10 features (polar bears that show up in the credits of "A Journey's End?" as Jesse enters the Competitor's Village and the 5 strays Jesse fights in "Giant Consequences."

There you go! I have a few more, but they're mainly just mentions of bugs/glitches I've seen throughout the course of playing. Thanks for letting me dump a bunch of these!

[glitchh3d]

Exciting Days Ahead (Semi Eita x F!Reader) [Post 4]

Taglist: @elianetsantana @kuroaka

Post Summary: (Y/n) gets a new (and exciting gig), theres some casual banter, and she and Semi plan on meeting up (:

TW's: Swearing?

Word Count: 392 (right after the first twitter photo)

Flashback to right after Bokuto’s call with Kuroo

“What did Kuroo want, Bo?” Akaashi asked, catching Bokuto’s attention. Bokuto brightened up, smiling.

“He wanted to know about (Y/n)!”

Said girl narrowed her eyes curiously. “Why?” Bokuto hesitated before shrugging. “No, I know you know. What does he want?”

Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “He wants you to be in Semi Eita’s new music video. Apparently they got inspiration for ‘Lover Listen’ while watching my music video today. Thought (Y/n)’s acting was amazing.”

Akaashi hummed, surprisingly pleased by the situation.

“This is good.”

“It is?” (Y/n) asked quickly, confused. “Didn’t you tell me not to flirt with Semi? On accident or on purpose? If I’m working with him then-”

“Are you seriously going to convince Akaashi that this is a bad idea? Really? This is amazing, (Y/n)!” Oikawa said, throwing his arms up in exaggeration. She bit her lip, glancing at Yachi who was watching her with awestruck eyes.

“Ugh, you're right…. Call Kuroo, ‘Kaashi!” She exclaimed suddenly, making all her friends (aside from Akaashi) cheer excitedly.

Akaashi chuckled but nodded. They all watched as he pulled out his phone, quickly pressing a few buttons on the touch screen before holding it up to his ear as it rang.

“No- speaker!” Iwaizumi tried, but Akaashi shushed him with a glare.

“Hello, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi said into the phone, grimacing and pulling the phone away as a loud “HEY” was shouted through the speaker. “Yes, I have (Y/n) with me now…”

(Y/n) was on the edge of her seat, her own phone clutched tightly in her hands as she watched Akaashi closely, studying his body language to try and see if she could read the situation at all. She watched as Akaashi turned towards her slightly, looking her over before humming into the phone and standing up.

“Wait-” She sat up straighter, watching as Akaashi left the room, winking one last time before disappearing to go talk business.

“WHAT A LITTLE JERK!” She shouted, standing up as faux anger washed over her. “I wanna know what’s being said!”

“All in due time, (Y/n). All in due time,” Bokuto said, smiling peacefully at her. She glared at him, eyes narrowing dangerously, before plucking a pillow off the couch and launching it at his face. “WHA-”

*** Time Skip (9:00pm-12:00pm)***

***

There are like, two or three time skips in this post. The first photo is at 5:30pm, after it was confirmed by Akaashi that (Y/n) was going to be in Semi's new music video.

The text messages between Semi and (Y/n) take place after she finds out, so around 2ish.

And the QnA tweet and past is from 9pm to 12pm. (The reason i'm explaining is because time stamps on my cell phone from screenshots didn't match up with timing. [I got rid of the time stamps on most of the pics])

Anyways,

Here's is (Y/n)'s schedule: If you're curious.

Obviously it's just quick thrown together cause I wanted to make the texts realistic but idk, Bobby the cat is now a main character. Should I make him a twitter account? Or like, a fan run account dedicated to Bobby the cat??

ALSO ANOTHER POST LATER TONIGHT (or early tomorrow morning)! HOPEFULLY MORE WORDS! (+photos obvi)

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