Went on stupid morning walk for my stupid mental health and saw some stupid birds and stupid dogs who tried to get me to pet them and breathed in some stupid fresh air or whatever
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finally caved n bought tickets to the montaigne show next week. i shall be making up for this arguably frivolous purchase by eating nothing but plain pasta for the next month
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ppl seem to like the idea of harry courting draco or harry doing big public displays of affection to ask him out (think promposals). but i feel like he'd be so awkward at dating. he doesn't quite know what to do with or show physical and emotional affection, the weasleys give him bad advice on romance, he's also oblivious when ppl are interested in him.
what he does have is earnestness and determination - he makes the first move on accident, just bursts out his feelings, brave and embarrassed.
draco knows all about courting and respects tradition, but he's not the type to make the first move (not anymore at least, not like when he was a kid, where running to his parents for safety and comfort was a luxurious option). he's calculating and weighs his options - what if he confesses but harry doesn't like him? what if he confesses and harry DOES like him? what if harry likes him, but doesn't like dating him? he's more hesitant and guarded with his feelings, but is more likely to show his affection towards loved ones.
harry asks him out in the middle of a conversation, just because he loves watching how passionate draco gets about something he loves. even after weeks of dating, draco insists on courting him the "proper way", showering him with gifts, writing letters that make harry blush, leaving loving post-its all over harry's home and work desk, delivering anonymous flowers, publicly asking if he can escort harry home (they're both embarrassed). he's touchy feely too, which harry isn't used to, but physical contact becomes easy and second nature now with draco. harry doesn't quite get the courting, yet still loves it.
harry: you already have me, draco 😊😆
draco: i still want to woo you though 🥹😤
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One of my favorite and most interesting thing about Jon is that he sorts peoples actions into Human and Monster
To him, the actions of monsters cannot be forgiven, as seen with Daisy, Helen and Jared
But along with that, the actions of humans always have an excuse, like Basira and his grandmother
The most prime example of this is with Jurgen where, prior to his meeting with him, he wrote Jurgen off as evil and when he did meet with him he dubbed Jurgen as just a spoiled confused child
And what makes this more interesting is how he perceives himself as a monster. He sees himself as unforgivable and monstrous, even when hes just doing what he needs to survive
He forgives people who hurt him, like his grandmother who neglected and obviously resented him and Basira, who threatened to kill him if he so much as stepped out of line, because they are human. They are people against a monster
The only time he doesnt blame himself for something is when he can blame another monster, like in mag 146, Threshold, where he blames the Web, another, different monster
And what makes his mentality so much more devastating is that many avatars, the monsters in his mind, are shown to not often be in complete control, whereas humans do have entire control
Avatars have to spread fear and hurt or they themself will die. In more explicit cases of lack of control Jon himself has stated he often doesnt realize what hes done until after its happened and Daisy becomes completely mindless by the end of the series to the point of only recognizing two things, a hunt and Basira (daisy also sorts people into monster and human, but thats because of hunt reasons)
Humans dont have these restrictions, humans are entirely free to do what they please, with the only con being they are significantly weaker than avatars
When Basira threatens him, she is doing it entirely through her own choice, whereas when Jon hunts statement givers he is doing it partly because hes forced into that position. But he will still forgive and rationalize Basiras actions while condemning and scrutinize his own, because she is the human and he is the monster
Anyways I like Jon he needs therapy
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