#especially bc its one of those things people will latch onto like oh you like poppies? fantastic. much easier to get you a gift

[lottieurl]

thinking about jackie's room being covered in roses. roses on the sheets and on the nightstand

and shauna telling jeff jackie likes poppies. did jackie actually like poppies? did shauna lie to jeff because she didn't want him to get jackie something she actually likes?

[waitingonthewind]

Out of all your characters (from games or otherwise), which one do you think is the most like you? In what ways? Was it intentional, or was it an accident you only noticed after the fact?

(Feel free to delete if it feels too personal 🙈)

@undead-potatoes aaaaaa thanks so much for the ask!!! i don't love doing self reflection (i have a hard time in identifying things about myself and often rely on other people to Tell Me Who I Am) but i love talkin about my ocs so this ended up really big

ill pop the majority of this under the cut but here take an unfinished doodle of my first attempt at a fursona in this the year 2023 bc i finally had some insight into What That Might Be for me its a leafy sea dragon bc as a kid i loved dragons and also leafy sea dragons specifically and as an adult i love fish and plants and the colour green ok basics covered here we go

its a really tough one, especially since all my characters have huge parts of me in them (u point to one of my guys and there's a 99% chance they're queer and a 95% chance they're autistic), and the majority of my characters infect me with Their personalities and traits (speech mannerisms especially... i went about 3 years peppering the word gotcha into every other sentence bc of ollwyn. in terms of it being intentional, usually only one or two bits with each character. i try my best to give characters personality traits and interests that differ from my own, or at the very least mix and match bits and pieces.

sometimes i'll try and make characters that are so so different from me but then it backfires because it means that im far more likely to pick up that character's traits (i didn't swear at All in my whole life until i tried making a character outside my comfort zone who Did swear a lot and now fucking look at me). i also don't like doing my Research so going for interests that i don't know a lot about means i don't. know anything about them lmao.

i think it's impossible to have a character that isn't at least Somewhat like you, we draw from our own experiences and ways of seeing the world, after all. i know i put little pieces of myself into every character and it's hard to say if there's any One character that embodies me most.

almost none of my characters really look like me tho

all that being said i've narrowed down my entire list to three of note. all three are dnd or other ttrpg characters bc they're the ones that i find myself having to think most about in terms of how they Think and Feel in any given situation and over time would notice stuff about myself or about them that i didn't realise were related.

i think these days ollwyn wins out personality wise goofy, indignant, lonely, desperate for approval, and loud. they're stubborn and enthusiastic, needs to be centre of attention but doesn't want to take the lead. they don't have many friends but latch onto those they do make. i re-realised my rat dreams because of them. i made em a bard bc i was obsessed with music as an aesthetic.

i made em a half-elf because i didn't wanna be Too out there with character creation (back when i was a terrified lil new rp-er who hadn't touched dnd before and felt i hadn't Earned anything more interesting yet). then magic and stuff happened and they got all the over-the-top design elements i was too nervous to implement initially and even that feels representative of my Own growth in being more Out There with my aesthetics and personality (i.e. completely shutting off my social filter, not toning shit down so much anymore)

oh i know i said none of my characters really look like me but i almost never draw ollwyn with their mouth fully closed and i only realised like years later that it may have been just a mild lil projection of a habit. i got big front teeth and breathing issues and i find it uncomfortable to close my lips Most of the time lmao

my poor unfortunately named aasimar (it was 2018........ i promise...............) takes the cake when it comes to suffering the brunt of my neurodivergence and sensory issues, and represents a significant portion of the judgy parts of myself that i try not to let myself be. strong opinions, blunt, tone issues, big issues with food and touch. comes across as, and often is, very critical. the biggest difference between me and them is that they don't feel bad about those aspects of themself lol

where i spend every moment of my life either desperately concentrating on my wording so as not to come across as rude, or feeling shitty for coming across as blunt/aggressive in tone or phrasing (where 99% of the time i absolutely don't mean it that way im autistic pls im autistic if i wanna be able to get the Right words out the tone doesn't match and vice versa), corona just says what they want or what they think, and if people get offended, that's People's fault for not trying to make more of an effort to understand the way they talk.

sal is my Top Oc Of All Time and as such takes on a lot of random aspects of myself (skin picking, fidgeting, latent anxiety, All of the visual aesthetics i Wish i could pull off, my love of birds, my tendency to Mr Burns Posture my way through life. she's also very very australian), while also inflicting things on me lmao ive learned more about my gender from the years of playing her in her rp campaign than in the rest of my entire life. a lot of her experiences and dynamics with her friends and family reflect a lot of aspects of my own

i only want good things for her and constantly put her through fucking hell

anyway they're all So Much Weirder as people than I can really put on paper and in (relatively) different ways but i just know it all stems from the Who I Am of it all

bonus shout out to beki:

she was my homestuck fankid and first proper oc, which also meant that she was only about two steps away from a self insert. because i made her as a teenager, i feel the distance between us more each year, but im still very fond of her, in the same way i am for my teenage self. i wanna pat her head and tell her she's cool and not annoying and that her friends don't hate her and that things will be okay

i think it says a lot about me that all four of these guys fall somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum (almost in order of least to most aggressively aro/ace. ollwyn's a demiromantic greysexual, corona is demi + grey on both romantic & sexual orientations, sal's pretty much only interested in the One Guy Ever, and beki is sex repulsed, 100% aro/ace) lmao

[sweepseven]

Kànon, I reject your apology for stuffing my ask box. This was the best. I’m just gonna consolidate and respond all in one chunk. 

the thing is that i'm incredibly weak for a plot, any plot, and also "siblings" and "separations/reunions" are some of my favorite tropes, so unsurprisingly i was almost IMMEDIATELY sold on this show. twin brother & sister are so sweet in that first scene, and there was this, like, playfulness to the swordfighting? which?? adorable?? but also really really useful, because, like, the moment where i went "i'm here for whatever these characters want to do i am 100% invested in this storyline.” is when twin brother doesn't make it on the ship, and twin sister sees this and starts *screaming* for him, like, two separate people have to hold her back, and we were close enough that i could see how absolutely devastated the actor looked, and i mean. see above about siblings and separations/reunions, god, that moment HIT. absolutely incredible.

lol every detail emphasizes how “for you” this show is. I totally get why you latched onto it, especially that dramatic separation moment. It sounds like you had great seats!

speaking of incredible: i'm still lowkey not over how they pulled off foreshadowing. FORESHADOWING. in a show without words. the preshow was so insanely COOL and just like- i knew the counselor was gonna be up to something bc that's the classic trope but seeing the ore mining and then the rock and then seeing all that stuff come back??? insane.

YEAH GOD I wish more people paid attention to the preshow!! It lays out so much! One of my biggest criticisms for the show’s marketing is that I don’t think it prepares you very well to actually have to pay attention to a plot. I think Cirque has made some improvements on that front lately, but they could definitely do more.

also re the first scene- i'd actually seen a tiktok going around on tumblr just a few days prior of the performers practicing the trick where one person spins another person lying on their feet (what is the actual term, if there is one?) and uh, when i realized that was what was happening? very very much the "!!!! :D i've seen this!!!" instinct.

The act is called Icarian games! It used to be pretty rare but these days Cirque is having kind of a love affair with it. I much prefer the extended pageant scene and martial arts that used to take up this spot in the show, though. If you haven’t seen it, get a load. 

(also there is, uh. more. but i've hit ask limit for the hr i think)

pshhh fuck that. More below for those following along. 

from what i've seen, i think i'm more invested in twin brother than maybe people tend to be, both due to the aforementioned weakness for fictional siblings but also because I Am Not Immune To The Lantern Scene. oh my GOD that- i just- the scene has the EXACT energy of telling a scared child a story in the middle of a storm and it's so achingly soft and I'M. as a chronic cat person i was delighted when we got to see a cat and then?? the ending?? where twin brother makes a bird that flies away? writing it out like that it sounds so cliche but i think it's an honest testament to how WELL that scene achieves its goal that it 102% worked for me, i was, fully just, hands over my mouth staring, wide-eyed. i am soft!

Shadowplay is a work of art. It’s so calm and tender, and achieving that kind of intimacy on a stage that huge is incredible. A real testament to the heart that permeates the entire show. 

also though like. here begins the refrain of "wait did. did i miss some details or something" because, uh, i fully thought he got shot through the hand? like, with an arrow? and then at the start of this scene he unwraps the bandage and is fine and i just kinda went "okay sure, for the sake of the story" but uh. is that. not what happened? i'm not sure

I think it’s reasonable to conclude that he was shot through the hand, but my personal read on it -- because I’m powerless but to interpret everything in this show in the most serious and realistic way -- that he lacerated it trying to pull the arrow from his father’s chest. ._. idk why I’m like this but I AM WHAT I AM.

unsurprisingly also i would die for twin sister. this is, a little bit due to the fact that i am still the kind of person that goes starry eyed at anything to do with people flying above me (never quiiiite got over the desire as a kid to be on Heights and be Flying) but this is also due to the fact that i'm just, extremely not over well the actor played her? like there's so much about her that's just- her terror and desperation in the early scenes, how hard she tries to get the people she's with to safety, how absolutely relieved she is to see the valet on the beach, how absolutely CONFIDENT she is in the forest with firefly boy (god i wish that were me) like i just. i love her?? i truly do

The Twin Sister is perfection. I adore her character. Without her grit and optimism like 3/4ths of the show wouldn’t happen at all. I also really love the contrast in the way the twins develop. She’s off getting shipwrecked, climbing mountains, falling through forest canopies, and making friends literally everywhere she goes. And meanwhile he’s sitting in a cave, then sitting in a cage. And that’s it. And both journeys are equally important! The brother comes across as the more gregarious of the two in the opening - maybe more the combat expert, more the instigator, etc. But it’s the sister who gathers together every single ally that helps them in the final battle. She’s a phenomenal leader. And I love that her brother lets her do it. 

Fun fact! The Twin Sister is played by two different people each show. One is the main actress and martial artist, and the other is an aerial straps artist. 😁

also also i thought the moment where they introduce each other to their respective partners was cute :D despite having some sense of the plot beforehand, i didn't actually know what was going on in the archer's den? so i think i missed a lot of the details that you probably picked up on VERY hard, but i do remember seeing the counselor's son light that spark in the bowl, and watching it go off, and just being like "oh shit, that's gunpowder" like. incredible.

I actually never take in a single detail of the Archers’ Den scene whenever I see it because I’m too busy counting Counselor’s Son Hair Flips. 

oh hey and! uh! speaking of the counselor's son! see above about details i probably missed, because like- i didn't see him in the background of the chief archer's dance until she was done and leaving the stage and the spotlight singled him out

Damn it, that’s always my fear. He’s going on a whole entire emotional journey back there but he’s not always lit well enough to convey it. I’ve seen him really hidden in the background and I’ve seen him so prominent and dramatic that he practically distracts from batons. It really depends on when you’re seeing it and who’s playing him - the approach seems to change a lot from romantic to political, overstated to understated. A key spotlight at the end can be a great “oh fuck” moment, but only if the Archer’s Den scene hits particularly hard.

which, by the way, like- okay so 9 times out of 10 i just Dislike every love story i've ever been given, so they couldn't really sell me on the romance, and then i was confused during archer's den which means i probably missed some fundamental character establishing, and EVEN THEN that was SO COOL. i am also, apparently, not immune to spinny.

Damn it again, that’s always the number one detail I want to know about: how much romance exists between the Counselor’s Son and Chief Archer’s Daughter. It’s a massive cornerstone of the plot and it gets played so many different ways like I said, so I’m always curious which one people see. Of course my favorite is “fucking miserable unrequited love heartbreak fiasco,” but I’ve also seen and enjoyed an “ugh my dad’s trying to get ahead and I’m more interested in my work but I stg if you blow this for us I will ruin everyone’s life including my own in one second” approach.

Anyway batons is the best act in the show and the Chief Archer’s Daughter is perfect the end. 

also, mentally, for what it's worth, the story works better for me- emphasis on for me, i understand that most people are actually normal about love stories and don't perpetually go ?? when presented with one- but for me i like to think that she freed twin brother not because she was in love with him, but because it was right, and she didn't want to hurt people any more. there was this moment during archer's den, where one of the prisoners is killed and they roll him off the stage, and she goes to the edge and looks down, and she looks deeply discomfited, and it's like. i can use this to create an alternate interpretation of events so mayhaps i will

I love that interpretation and can completely see it for her. And let me be very clear: if you ever wrote that scenario I would read it so fucking fast and with such enthusiasm you’d wonder whether it’s possible to receive kudos on something before you’ve even hit “post.”

but the other thing about the counselor's son, is that uh. i did not put together that he WAS the counselor's son until that final scene, where he's just lying there horribly wounded and the counselor comes over and throws away the chieftain's belt in favor of just, holding him gently and trying to give him some comfort, and it was only then that i went "oh is that- no, that wouldn't- wait, no, yes, that's his SON?????" so that was a fun moment!!! anyway i was very glad that he survived. (and yes i AM a sucker for taking things with immense capability to harm and using them to make something beautiful, so, the fireworks show? very very good ending :D)

LOL I get that. They honestly could not look more different. I am obviously very glad that he survives too, and I know I’m incredibly biased but I feel strongly that he is the character most closely tied to the theme of the show. “The fire that can unite or separate, destroy or illuminate”?? Every beat of the plot is governed by whether he’s fucking around with psuedo-gunpowder and for whose benefit. The story would never reach resolution without him. And he does it all with so little time onstage! Ugh. I just. I would die for him and he definitely would not care 🥰🥰🥰

also, lowkey still in awe about the wheel of death act. like. as a kid it took me months to figure out how to do one double jump, and you're doing it midair???? on a giant spinning PENDULUM ARM???? sir???????????

Absolutely bonkers. If the guys I’m thinking of are still with the show, they’re straight up in their 60s and have been performing that act their entire lives. I’m pretty sure it’s them - I’m fairly certain they came back after the pandemic. 

nonetheless, there's something very- everyone gets their partner, everyone gets to live happily ever after- about the ending, and honestly actually i love it? if i were less invested it might be saccharine but everything about this show already almost feels like a fairytale so yeah! everyone does live happily ever after! that's the idea!

It all goes back to the preshow - if you’re on board for plot and paying attention to it, this show pays off in droves.

(i mean, unless one happens to be writing mental fanfics about lasting trauma, which, i may be doing, but the show doesn't need to do that. that's what fic is for!)

Writing for this show has been so incredibly fun, and my fervent, desperate interest in reading anything you have to contribute aside, it’s because it lays just the right amount of groundwork. We know who these people are, we know what’s happened to them, and now we get to add every single complexity we wish there was more time to explore in the show itself. In traditional fandoms you have to ignore things, set others aside, or explain things away. But with Ka there’s such a light framework to start with that you have no choice but to fill in the blanks. It’s a wonderful exercise in character development and worldbuilding.

So yeah. Write it. I promise you have an audience. Or if you just have ideas and have no desire to execute on them, I love a good prompt. 

anyway, i think that's all i have to say for this? but like, also, this is the second time this week i've spent an hour just typing stuff about this show, so like, who knows! once again can you tell i have lost the capability to be normal about this? because i have. (also, uh. sorry about your inbox? anyway, thank you :D)

Thank you! This has been a delight! If you want more non-romance Ka in your life, I have...

Birthright, which is basically a snippet of “I think CAD should have been in the final battle and SOMEONE will die on this hill.” I would give anything for Cirque to add her into that scene, I am begging, she deserves it esp now that they kill off the Chief.

Choosing Adversaries, adding some background and complexity to flesh out TB’s journey.

Blizzard, which was just an excuse to stick CS and TB in a room together and make them deal with one another. I love. Making. These. Two. Bicker.

Unspeakable. Technically CS/CAD but it’s def more about betrayal and toxicity than anything close to real romance. 

Adaptation, which was written using a friend’s OCs but was a super fun excuse to explore what goes on with the Mountain Tribe. 

Open invite to join my Cirque Discord server if you want to chat more about this and other shows, too! You can reach me at sweepseven#7557. Or just keep sending in asks, idc, I wanna hear everything always. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and support! I can’t tell you what a difference it makes in such a tiny fandom. 

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

[The following ask is just an attempt on my, Winter's, part to exploit a quirk in tumblr's code that keeps formatting from copy/pasted items when answering an ask on desktop as opposed to making a text post.]

MC is a Phoenix and Child of a Famous Magic User

A slightly modified request fill for @guardianoftheunderworld090! This ended up getting away from me a bit, and by a bit I mean a lot so uhhh Oops! Because of that, I didn’t end up doing the dateables+Luke, so apologies! But this is already probably wayyyyy off from the original request anyway.

Again, oopsie :3

Content Warnings: Temporary character death, spoilers for Lesson 16+, brief implication of immolation (but not really bc, y’know, phoenix), mild-to-moderate blood and injuries/violence

As soon as they learned their name, everyone knew of MC. While not quite on Solomon or the great witch Maddi’s level, their parents had made quite the name for themselves in the magical community. Their pre-existing knowledge of magic and the supernatural was therefore completely expected.

Less so was what happened when they died.

Mammon had been cradling their body when it happened, still too stunned to react to his smug younger brother gloating about taking out such a fragile, weak creature. The entire House of Lamentation was in shock: MC, the human they had come to cherish, was bleeding out right in front of their eyes and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

The Avatar of Greed’s breath hitched as he felt their pulse fade, watched the rise and fall of their chest cease…

And then he screamed as MC’s body burst into flames. They were scorching hot, but left no marks on him nor the surrounding area. On instinct, Beelzebub darted forward to pull Mammon away from the inferno, his protests weakened by surprise and grief. Belphegor was knocked backwards off his feet by the force of the flames, and they all watched as the fire raged on, until it began to take on a recognizable shape.

Not of MC, but of a brightly coloured flaming bird.

The phoenix cocked its head to the side, as though assessing its surroundings, eyes passing over each of the frozen brothers before rounding on Belphegor. It shrieked, puffed up feathers interspersed with jets of flame, and charged the youngest with its sharp beak and talons bared.

And suddenly it was no longer a bird.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” MC yelled as they continued to slash at Belphie. A large pair of bright flaming wings arched behind their back, threatening to torch anything they touched. “I LITERALLY RISKED THE WRATH OF LUCIFER FOR WEEKS TO HELP YOUR SORRY ASS GET OUT OF THAT ATTIC AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME?! WITH MURDER?!”

Blood pooled in Belphie’s mouth from a particularly nasty slash across his lip. He spit to the side before replying, “In my defense, most people stay dead when you kill them!”

“THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO—”

“...MC?” Levi said, voice small. “I-Is that really you…?” His tail swished behind him anxiously.

MC turned their attention to the rest of the brothers (one set of talons still embedded in Belphie’s leg, in case he had thoughts of running).

Beel was stock still, eyes pointed ahead but staring at something beyond the room. Asmo was crying silently, though his expression was neutral and wide eyed. The gears in Satan’s head were visibly turning even as he shredded the sleeves of his shirt with his claws. Mammon was misty eyed, with such an open expression of love and want and hurt that it made them want to cry as well. And Lucifer… The Avatar of Pride’s usual mask of stony superiority had crumbled into something lost and broken.

They looked back to Belphegor, who clutched at his leg, his own tears threatening to spill from his eyes. They slowly remove their talons from his leg and face the group, folding their wings inward until they regain their humanoid form.

“I guess I have a bit of explaining to do, huh.”

Lucifer

Too many things have happened so fast, he doesn’t even know how to respond.

Not only has MC apparently been having secret meetings with Belphegor, not only are the pacts they’ve made with his brothers just tools to free him, not only did Belphegor then betray them and attempt to kill them, but they’re also… A phoenix?!

Distantly, hysterically, he thinks, how in the three realms is that not on their file?

“Oh, I’m also not technically from this timel-”

Lucifer shushes them. He can’t deal with any other reveals right now.

Once… everything is dealt with, he allows himself to be curious about MC’s origins.

Have they always been this way? Were they adopted by their parents, a familiar given human form, or had something gone wrong one day with a spell?

He’ll never ask them though. He knows origins can be touchy subjects.

He grounds himself in the practical. Does MC know how to control their abilities? Are their needs being met? Are there any additional accommodations they require?

Sometimes, when their wings are out, he can’t help but be reminded of the similarly fiery wings of the seraphim from home the Celestial Realm and feel nostalgic.

His more possessive side also relishes the fact that they share a connection through association with birds, especially considering how some varieties of phoenixes tend to resemble peacocks.

It must be difficult for them to preen those large wings, do they need any help? No, it’s not that he wants to, don’t be ridiculous. But if they ever want his help...

Mammon

Once the initial shock of “holy shit the love of my life just BURST INTO FLAMES IN MY ARMS” fades, he’s just happy MC’s alive and well.

But he does put on a front of being upset that they never told him about their nature.

“Stupid hu— uhhh, phoenix, I worried for nothin’! Wait, no, I wasn’t worried at all—”

“Sure you weren’t,” MC retorts with a smile.

Seriously though, why didn’t they tell him? He’s their guardian, their First, he should know these things!

Do they think he’ll… try and take advantage of them because of their powers? He’d never!

Okay, maybe when they first met he might have considered it, but not now! Not now that he…

One night, Mammon and MC are up late watching some terrible Devildom romcom. MC has long since fallen asleep, and one of their enormous wings is draped over Mammon, pinning him in place.

The flames interspersed amongst their feathers are short and glow only dimly, like dying embers. Occasionally, a few will flare slightly or twitch as though a breeze has blown by.

“...I was really scared, you know,” he murmurs to their sleeping form. “I really thought you were gone. And I realized at that moment that I… I can’t lose you. I love you so much MC. You’re worth more to me than anything else in the Devildom, than anything in all the three realms. Please don’t scare me like that ever again…”

MC doesn’t stir, but the flames on their wing follow Mammon’s hand as he pets the warm feathers. They’re only pleasantly warm, with a smooth, silky texture to them.

He snuggles closer to them and drifts off himself, comforted by the heat of their body, human and avian anatomy alike.

Leviathan

Levi cannot believe his luck. He finally gets himself a friend he can really trust, and then his younger brother (who was trapped in an attic by the way, NOT in the human world like Lucifer said, because oh yeah, also Lucifer’s a liar) kills them, and now they’re—

It’s too much to process at once. All he can latch onto is that’s them, right? That’s really his MC, his Henry, the one person outside of his family who doesn’t dismiss him as some gross shut-in?

Once he’s assured himself that they’re safe, he’s immediately hit with the rest of the surprises to process. He hugs MC tightly against himself, whether to protect them from Belphegor or himself from… everything, is anyone’s guess.

It takes a long time for Levi’s newfound clinginess to dissipate. He refuses to let MC be alone around Belphegor under any circumstances, even if it means leaving his room more than he’s comfortable with.

In this time, he learns a lot about MC.

He learns that they seek to cool off the same way he seeks out warmth, and that this makes them excellent cuddling partners. He learns that they let out very adorable chirps of squawks when caught off guard.

He learns the hard way that a phoenix in love is a fire hazard.

But he also learns that he’d risk every item in his collection to see MC’s radiant smile.

Satan

Set the phoenix thing aside, Satan thinks to himself as he rushes over to inspect MC for injuries. Set it aside.

Once he’s sure they are unharmed, he turns his attention to Belphegor.

The Avatar of Sloth is lucky MC got to him first. Satan wouldn’t have stopped at a warning strike. Belphie knows from the murderous glare shot his way that it is only the presence of the others that’s stopping Satan from taking his revenge.

His fingers linger in their wings. MC’s feathers are all out of sorts, but there are no bald patches indicating any serious burns or other wounds. Still, Satan cards through them carefully, checking and double checking for any signs of damage. MC fidgets under his attention.

“Uh, Satan?” They’re blushing. “That kinda tickles.”

“Oh! Oh, um, sorry, I was just— you’re okay, right?”

They let out a small laugh and bop him gently with a wing. “Everything’s in working order, don’t worry.”

“That’s— Good, that’s uh, that’s great.”

“...Go ahead, you dork,” MC prompts with a smile. He blinks at them owlishly. “Ask your questions!”

He does, over the course of the next couple of weeks, in between therapeutic pranks against a certain youngest brother.

Asmodeus

As MC is born again from flame, Asmo learns the true horror of love.

He had always been the one to invoke passion in others: to seduce loyal partners and drive others mad with desire, to twist their love into lust and unleash its destructive potential. Despite this, he never really understood the feeling himself, why something as ephemeral as a feeling could drive humans to such extremes.

But seeing MC wounded and bloody, watching the light in their eyes dim, the Avatar of Lust had felt the call of blood and rage and grief and love for the first time. And watching MC dust themself off as they explain their unique heritage, Asmo realizes that those feelings would have destroyed him. He would have done anything and everything to bring MC back to him, given up any part of himself just to see them one more time.

So forgive him, MC, if his movements ever slow to a stop while preening your wings. If he sometimes stares at you with awe, or holds you tight enough to bruise.

His heart has never been anyone’s but his before, and he is so very afraid of getting burned.

Beelzebub & Belphegor

Oh this is Not bringing up good memories at all.

Something about seeing MC and Belphegor, bloody with the scent of fire and death in the air jumbles his senses and suddenly they’re not in the House of Lamentation but the battlefield and she’s been struck down, he was too slow, he chose his twin over his sister can he live with that? Can any of them? She’s falling she’s falling and he’s falling and they’re going to—

When he snaps back into awareness, Beel is restraining a hissing and spitting MC as they scratch and claw at him to get to Belphegor, the one wing Beel didn’t manage to pin down flapping about erratically.

Their movements only stop when they feel hot tears on their back. MC calms down and shifts more gently in Beelzebub’s grasp, turning to face him.

“Beel, it’s okay,” they say, cupping his face with a bloody, taloned hand. He smells the blood and lets out a sob.

Belphegor moves to comfort his twin, but MC’s wings snap open, shielding the pair in a ring of fire and feathers.

“I— I…” He can’t form the words. You died, my brother killed you, he’s here, you hurt him, why is he here, why did he hurt you, how did— “Please,” he says, finally.

MC frowns, hesitates. But slowly, they lower their wings and step aside, letting the twins reunite. As they embrace, Belphegor shoots them a look, but it’s not hateful. It’s not regretful or apologetic either, more of a profound confusion.

Despite demons’ regenerative abilities, Belphegor remains mostly bedridden for quite some time. It seems a phoenix’s wounds negate most healing factors, and the 5 pronged gash in his leg is particularly stubborn in its refusal to close. He jokes that the slow recovery must be because MC will never forgive him for what he’s done. Beel chastises him and says they’re more forgiving than he thinks.

Still, Belphie is surprised to see MC join Beel when he comes to change the youngest’s bandages. They hold out their hands, revealing 10 strange, press-on caps over their talons as they assure Belphie they won’t hurt him.

Where Beel is overly cautious and gentle, MC is practiced and efficient as they inspect, clean, and redress his wounds.

“Is this your way of apologizing?” Belphie can’t help but ask, earning him a stern glare from his twin.

“For attacking you after you killed me, not knowing it wouldn’t take? No,” they reply around a mouthful of medical tape. “It’s an excuse to talk.” They gesture for Beel to move his hand from the gauze pad so they can tape it down.

“You want to talk with your would-be murderer.” MC gathers up the garbage and old bandages to toss them in the trash.

“You’re not the first person to try, you know,” they remark as they dust off their hands.

“What?!” the twins shout in unison, Beel nearly dropping the scissors he was putting back into the first aid kit.

“I’ll tell you about it if you tell me why…” MC gestures broadly to Belphegor, “this all happened the way it did.”

This exchange of stories does not repair MC and Belphegor’s fraught relationship. That is not how wounds heal. But nevertheless, some weeks later, the House of Lamentation has a movie night. And sandwiched in the middle of the familial cuddle pile is MC, Beel, and Belphie, each tucked under one fiery wing.

[zedwards]

MOVIE DATES WITH STRAY KIDS

stray kids x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: intended for male reader, but can be read as gender neutral; my first fic 👉👈 im nervous; lowercase aesthetic; does “bastard” count as a swear word..?

i hope you enjoy this little gift :)

bang chan

he likes romantic comedies

tbh being chan’s s/o would feel like a romcom of its own

since he doesn’t like crowds, your movie dates together usually wouldn’t involve actually going to the movies

instead you’d probably both opt to stay in for the night and watch a movie on the couch

under multiple blankets

in each other’s arms

hugs and cuddles

with the occasional kiss on the top of your head

it’s so soft

it’s chan :)))

he does the little claps at the end of the movie

because happy endings ^–^

y’know those awkward scenes where the main couple meets for the first time?

he likes to point out which character you were most similar to when the two of you first met

“i didn’t know you were in this movie!”

“you look so different! i could hardly recognize you!”

he’s such a dork

all your movie nights would end in one of three ways:

1.) you falling asleep in his arms

2.) him falling asleep holding you close (yeah not really, this man doesn’t sleep that much T_T)

or 3.) you both make it through the movie, and one of you says something like

“this is nice...i wish we could just stay like this”

and so you both (in theory) fall asleep right where you are

either way, chan is the best boyfriend and neither of you know what you did to deserve each other

lee know

he’d get you to go see a horror movie

even if you protest, he’d manage to convince you somehow

pokes fun at you every time you get scared

during a suspenseful part in the movie, he’d suddenly put his hands on your shoulders and shake you (lightly) out of nowhere, just to startle you

and he’d have to stifle his giggles because your reaction is just too priceless

absolutely relishes in how you never let go of his arm

like ever

seriously, his arm might as well be an extension of your body at this point

he may act like he’s annoyed

but he loves it

cuz he knows it’s because you feel safe with him

and if you hide your face in the crook of his neck

he’d get this look on his face...

something between an evil smirk and an amused grin

why? because his plan is working

plot twist: the whole reason he chose to see a horror movie with you was so that you would cling to him

surprise!! >:]

but even if you catch on, he’ll never admit it

tsundere

“did you even see any of the movie?”

you just kinda grumble in response, still latched onto his arm

“i can’t believe it... i so generously paid for your ticket, only for you to hide your face the whole ti- OW!”

you jab him in the side with your elbow give him a “love tap” :)

but it’ll take more than that to get him to stop teasing you about it

he’s a cocky bastard but you love him to death for it

seo changbin

superhero movie!!!

like something from the mcu

seeing him get so excited/invested in the movie??

wholesome

but he might get a little too excited

in other words, going to the movies with changbin is an...interactive experience

meaning that he talks at the movie

not to the movie, but at the movie

like...he talks at the characters on screen

as if they can hear him

honestly it’s kinda cute

but occasionally you have to remind him to keep his voice down

“HE TRIED TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE STONE”

“shhhh alright calm down a bit-”

“...AND NOW YOU DEAD”

“changbin i love you but please don’t get us kicked out of the theater”

10/10 would have his arm around you throughout the movie

even if his arm goes numb, he’d refuse to let anything stop him

“changbin, you don’t have t-”

“CUDDLES.”

lowkey feels like a pillow

bc he beefy

on very rare occasions he might fall asleep during the movie

if he does end up dozing off and you catch him in the act, he’d deny it profusely

he likes to spontaneously slip his hand into yours :)

and lace your fingers together :))

you’re holding hands now :)))

his presence is just so warm and fuzzy and you make each other so happy

hwang hyunjin

THIS MAN

the funnest(?) most fun bf in existence

he’s definitely the type to try and smuggle outside food into the theater

he insists that he’s inconspicuous about it

and he tries to be

but he’s not :)

“uh... hyunjin, why are you wearing two hoodies?”

“i uh... i’m... cold?”

“so you’re sticking bags of microwaveable popcorn in between your sweatshirts...to keep warm?”

*visibly sweating* “i can explain...”

ok ok

so y’all seeing a comedy

why?

because HIS LAUGH OMG

it’s so bubbly and contagious

so naturally, you’d both be laughing up a storm at the back of the theater

and sometimes it’s because of the movie

but most of the time it’s because of the side comments the two of you keep making to each other

and it doesn’t help that he keeps making these ridiculous observations about the characters in the movie

“what’s up with that guy?”

“what about him?”

“why is he built like a refrigerator?”

about halfway through the movie, you both reach that delirious state where literally anything and everything becomes funny

even if it’s not supposed to be funny

...especially if it’s not supposed to be funny

the two of you? lowkey hyenas

long story short, you’re both asked to leave the theater not even two hours into the film :)

han jisung

action!! movie!!

finishes the popcorn within the first ten minutes of the film

that is, if he doesn’t scarf it all down during the previews

he talks through the entIRE THING

he’s always got something to say

it’s like watching the director’s commentary version of a movie

but instead of the director talking about the film-making process

it’s jisung muttering nonsense in your ear

sometimes pertaining to the movie

and other times...

“hey did i ever tell you about the time i saw a seagull eating garbage?”

...yeah, other times it’s...not

either way, you don’t mind

because you aren’t really paying much attention to the movie anyways

you’re too busy admiring your boyfriend

how could you not?

the way he’s on the edge of his seat, giving the movie his full attention...

the light from the screen flickering dimly on his face, highlighting his gentle features...

you’re the luckiest person in the world, no doubt

his eyes light up whenever something particularly cool/badass happens in the movie

but he also gets startled by the explosions every now and then

when that happens, you just look at each other for a moment

and then burst into a fit of giggles

“stoooppp!! it was loud, ok??”

you just hum in response and rest your head on his shoulder

y’know that thing he does where like...

he’s giggling, but he has something he wants to say, so he keeps trying to talk?

but his words keep getting cut off by his own laughter?

yeah... that’s what he’s doing

he’s adorable

lee felix

animated movie

a firm believer that you’re never too old to enjoy cartoons

he never lost that child-like energy/enthusiasm, which is part of what makes him such a gem

so of course, when the new disney movie came out, he knew he had to go see it with you

he would definitely load up on snacks from concessions

if you don’t stop him, he’s gonna be buying two giant things of popcorn and at least five different kinds of candy

and when he walks back to you after paying, he’d just smile brightly from behind the mountain of junk food in his hands like

“snacks :D!!!!!”

seriously though, try to keep track of how much popcorn he eats

bc he might overeat and get a stomachache :((

obviously he can take care of him self, cuz he’s an adult

but like

he loves when you look out for him

because he knows just how much you care about him

sunshine boy :((

y’all already know how much of a cuddle bug this man is

so of course that means lots of cute, affectionate gestures during the movie

skinship

holding hands

you resting your head on his shoulder

and him resting his head on top of your head

and most importantly SNUGGLES

snuggles are a must

for him, movie dates are just an excuse to be extra touchy with you

even though he never needs an excuse to get cuddles whenever he wants

because c’mon

it’s felix

what are you gonna do, say no?

kim seungmin

murder mystery film

tends not to talk all that much during movies

he’d just be so completely engrossed in the movie that he’d forget about his surroundings

but that’s not to say he won’t hold your hand or drape his arm over your shoulders

every now and then you can catch him leaning forward in his seat

with his mouth slightly ajar

it’s so endearing

but if for whatever reason you want to get his attention...

heh...

yeah, good luck with that

you’d have to maybe give his hand a lil squeeze to get his attention

and at first he’d just turn his head in your direction, keeping his eyes glued to the movie

but if you gave his hand another squeeze, he’d snap out of it

“psst...seungmin”

“mm.”

“hey, seungmin?”

“huh? yeah?”

“i love you”

if that doesn’t make his heart SWELL—

his dazed expression would quickly shift into one of pure elation and fondness

he might not respond verbally

but he’d gently bring your hand up to his lips

press a soft kiss atop your knuckles

and then lower your hand again without letting go, turning his attention back to the movie

but that bright smile of his would never falter for even a moment

he loves you too

so so much :)

yang jeongin

another one for romantic comedies

he likes it when there’s a little less “rom” and slightly more “com”

and so do you

because it means you get to hear his laugh more

oh god...

his laugh

the little giggles in between the short gasps for air...

so cute

“no. i’m not cute.”

he is very cute

probably won’t initiate any skinship

but if you do, he will absolutely go along with it

sometimes he’ll nod off in the middle of a movie

and then wake up during the credits, completely disoriented

“where am i”

“you fell asleep”

“huh??”

“you drooled a little on my shoulder, you goof”

unlike hyunjin, he’s really good at sneaking food into the theaters

like really really good

almost to the point that it’s scary

usually people try to sneak in popcorn or candy or maybe soda

well not jeongin

“hey, you want some?”

“what the- HOW DID YOU GET A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN IN HERE”

“:]”

he’s not telling

like or reblog if you enjoyed ^^ feedback is always welcome and very much appreciated!

[queen-scribbles]

The Long-Burning Torch

For the @shepherds-of-haven​ Shepherds Summer event, the Ryn/Red muses latched onto 20′s Detective AU and would not let go. I’ve gone so deep down this rabbit hole there’s gonna be chapters, but the first piece works as a standalone. (title might change along the way, again bc chapters)

----

There were, in Xaeryn’s experience, two types of people who made use of her services. Both were driven by desperation, both tended to hit her doorstep late in the day. There were the belligerent ones, incensed they had to stoop to hiring her, a Mage, to solve their problem. From them she had to pull the pertinent facts of their case one begrudging sentences at a time. And there were the frantic ones, who had exhausted every other route and she was their last chance. Details poured so freely from them she had to pick through it to find what was actually relevant to the case.

The young man standing before her now, at the start of her day, appeared to fit neither of those groups. He’d knocked and entered without awaiting an invitation, seeming unperturbed by the eyebrow she arched at his arrival.

“May I help you?” Xaeryn asked, leaning forward to rest folded hands on her desk.

He shifted to fold his own hands over the head of a walking stick she’d wager he didn’t actually need and smiled dryly. “If your reputation is anything to go by, Miss Shrike, I certainly expect so.”

She gestured to the chairs in front of the desk. “Let’s find out, Mr...?”

“Riel Syndran,” he said, passing her a business card as he took the offered seat.

The card was hardly necessary, and Xaeryn set it on the desk with only a passing glance. “You run Whitestone Couriers, don’t you?”

There was the faintest twitch on the left side of his jaw. “The company is a guild venture.”

“And I wouldn’t be much of a snooper if I couldn’t figure out who truly ran a company as vital to the city of Haven as Whitestone Couriers, Mr. Syndran.”

He gave her a sharp smile. “Very good. I knew coming to you first was the right call, Miss Shrike.”

“Flattered as I am by your confidence” --and she was; she was typically the last resort, being first was something of a novelty-- “why don’t you tell me what or who you need found, and we can discover if said confidence is warranted.”

“I’m certain it is,” Syndran said, his gaze briefly dropping to the Shrike Investigations placard on the edge of her desk. “But you are correct. To business.”

And business, as he explained it, ran thus: Whitestone Couriers had been contracted to transport a collection of artefacts, originally from all parts of Blest, from their previous temporary home at the Conte-by-the-Sea museum to Haven’s Hall of History and Culture.

”How well-known was your being contracted?” Xaeryn interjected.

“It was something of a secret,” Syndran replied, flicking invisible dust off his sleeve. “Some of the pieces are quite valuable, so it was largely in hopes of avoiding theft.”

Hopes that had proven vain. They’d had an uneventful journey--blessed with good weather, even--made it through city customs upon arriving at Haven (checked everything after making it through and found nothing amiss), and proceeded to the museum. Upon unpacking the artefacts, however, it was discovered one was missing.

(Of course.)

The missing piece--an obsidian and bronze pendent thought to belong to a ruler in the Jalis desert pre-Autarchy--had limited monetary value, especially compared to some of the other items in the collection. (Those, of course, had been more closely watched.) Its worth was largely historical and religious.

“Enchantments?”

“None so far as we know.”

“I’ll look into it for you,” Xaeryn said with a nod. She loved mind-twisters like this. “I’ll need to talk to your people, as well as the museum staff, so it would be helpful if you let them know I’m coming. Otherwise my kind” --a twitch of her fingers set energy dancing above them briefly-- “aren’t usually given the time of day.”

“Of course. I shall do so.” Syndran stood and bowed. “I thank you for taking my case, Miss Shrike, and look forward to your success.”

“Two things, Mr. Syndran,” she spoke up as he turned toward the door. She waited until he paused and looked back to continue. “I will, of course, endeavor to find this relic on my own, but should I require an expert’s... knowledge of its history, say, is outside help acceptable?”

His nose wrinkled briefly. “If you must. But as few others as possible, and only those you trust to keep it in strictest confidence.”

“Understood.”

“And the second thing, Miss Shrike?”

She smiled. “One third estimated payment is due upfront.”

“Oh, obviously.” He returned the smile and pulled out his checkbook.

----

She made some good progress between that afternoon and the next day. Interviews with the caravan guards and those responsible for the artefact collection gave insight to their procedures--which were indeed top-notch; it was impressive someone had managed to find a weakness--and how long the pieces were out of their sight coming through city customs.

“Don’t see why that matters,” the pink-haired courier who’d been in charge of the caravan commented. “We checked them all when we got through; made sure everything was still there. Standard procedure.”

“When you say you checked, is this a thorough examination or just a glance to make sure it’s still there?” Xaeryn asked, glancing at the notepad balanced on her knee.

“There’s no fine-tooth comb involved,” came the somewhat tart and harried reply, “but we do look to confirm it’s there and undamaged so nothing undeserved can later be blamed on us. The company has a sterling reputation for a reason, Miss Shrike, and the guild would very much like to keep it that way.”

“Hence your boss coming to me instead of the police.” Xaeryn tapped her pen against her chin and skimmed over her notes. “I think I have everything I need, Miss Aerin. Thank you for your time.”

Aerin gave a sharp nod. “Of course. Anything to get this cleared up and the artefact found as quickly as possible.” She flicked a worried glance toward the notebook as Xaeryn slipped it in her handbag. “How much did you write down? A lot of our procedures are trade secrets; if someone should see...”

Xaeryn laughed and withdrew the notepad again, flipping it open to show the other woman the symbols that filled the pages. “Never fear, your secrets are safe with me. An added bonus of my own shorthand; no one else can read my notes.”

“Smart.” A brief hesitation. “No one? You’re sure?”

“Well, perhaps the friend who helped develop it initially, but I’ve tweaked it since then.” She flipped the pad closed and stowed it in her bag. “I think it would take a little work even for him. We worked it out to take faster notes in class, but taking faster notes also come in handy in my line of work.”

Aerin relaxed and nodded again. “I’m sure it does. Thank you for the reassurance, Miss Shrike.”

“Of course. Have a good day.”

“You as well.”

With the last of the days’ intended interviews behind her, Xaeryn headed back to her office. Now to review what she’d learned from all the sources together. She was confident she had plenty to give herself at least a couple leads worth pursuing, even if there wasn’t enough for a scry.

---

It took a day and a half of running herself off her feet for Xaeryn to burn through the leads she’d found without much to show for it. She’d been unable to track down the specific guard who checked that portion of the shipment, but his supervisor assured her such an important collection would have been treated with utmost care, seeming miffed at the insinuation otherwise. None of the drivers or other courier employees had noticed anything unusual once they passed through customs, no interruptions or suspicious folks in the streets.

Even scrying had fizzled out without so much as a vague semblance of where it might be.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Xaeryn dug her fingers into her short hair and glowered at the photographs of the pendent Mr. Syndran had given her. It was so small. So easily concealed. And so simple it would hardly draw attention unless you knew what it was.

She’d been forced to grudgingly admit her minimal progress to Mr. Syndran when he called for an update and it had her in a foul mood. This sort of baloney was not how she kept the lights on. It was time for a new tack.

If she couldn’t (yet) trace where the pendent vanished from, perhaps it would work better to learn more about it; figure where it might be going and get a solid enough knowledge of it she could successfully scry its location. Who would want it badly enough for the hassle of stealing from Whitestone Couriers to be worth their while? Looking into the pendent’s history and provenance seemed the next logical course. Just because Mr. Syndran had told her it was on loan to the collection from the “proper” owners did not mean said owners had told him everything, or indeed, that they’d told the truth. She needed an expert and knew just where to find one.

It had been long enough since her time at Solhadur Academy Xaeryn actually had to look up the telephone number before calling. As she listened to the line ringing, she wondered absently how much of a gentle scolding Headmaster Tevanti would give her for her first contact in more than a decade being to ask for something rather than merely catching up. She’d always been the type not to bother people unless she had to. That was, after all, what she preferred. And her self-reliance had carried her through quite a bit. But she was aware most people would differ from her on that point; Tevanti especially was fond of jawing, so he would surely have words for her long silence.

She let it go to ten rings before giving up. Revelation came with a glance at the clock; it was late enough there was likely no one around to answer. No matter. She could drive out tomorrow. The Academy was in Capra, that wasn’t terribly far. (Not for business, anyway.) Headmaster Tevanti wouldn’t mind one of his favorite students dropping in for an hour or so to discuss a relic from one of his favorite historical periods. She’d even engage in small talk, if he wanted.

Xaeryn smiled to herself and locked both the photographs and her notepad in one of the desk drawers. If that was her plan for tomorrow, she should turn in early, make sure she was well-rested. Time for a trip down memory lane.

---

The morning was uneventful, aside from the troublesome discovery she’d left her office unlocked all night. She was normally more attentive than that, even being on a higher floor. But nothing was disturbed or missing, so Xaeryn shrugged it off and got on with her day.

If she selected her wardrobe with a more critical eye than usual, well, she wanted to look professional. Headmaster Tevanti had been a wonderful mentor, and she wanted to show how far his encouragements about using her bright mind and sharp eye had carried her.

(She wondered, briefly, as she pulled on the royal blue skirt and its matching blouse, accented in deep golden-yellow, if she would see any other familiar faces. But she shook off the warmth of the thought; they’d all scattered to the winds after graduation. Getting to see Tevanti would be enough.)

Satisfied with her ensemble, and needing to fill some time before she left, Xaeryn sat at her desk with her notepad and transcribed everything she knew about the missing pendent(not much), along with questions to ask. She picked out the best of the photographs from Mr. Syndran, just in case, and sighed as she looked at the clock. She’d still be a tad early for it to be polite, especially just dropping in out of the blue, if she left now.

So I’ll drive at a leisurely pace, she argued to herself. Take my time. Allowing a buffer in case there’s trouble along the way is only wise. God in heaven, she wished she could figure why she had worse jitters about this than some dates she’d gone on. “Oh, this is ridiculous,” she muttered to the empty office.

She locked the remaining photographs back in her desk, slipped the chosen one and her notepad in her handbag. After a moment’s internal debate, she slipped one of her stiletto knives down in her boot as well. Solhadur was far from dangerous, but it was prudent to have some measure of protection when traveling alone. She grabbed a hat on her way out the door--which she made certain to lock this time--and had it securely on her head by the time she reached the car.

----

Despite her efforts to make it a leisurely drive out to Capra, and weather that was perfect for that goal, Xaeryn still found herself standing in the entrance hall of Solhadur Academy at an earlier hour than would usually be considered polite for impromptu business meetings. She debated walking the grounds for a while, revisiting some memories from her time here, but decided simply apologizing for her early arrival was the better course of action.

With a final steadying breath and running one hand down her blouse and skirt to chase away wrinkles, Xaeryn headed for the reception desk. She smiled at the young woman behind it. “Good morning.”

The receptionist blinked, seeming mildly taken aback by how far up she had to look to meet her visitor’s eyes. “Morning, miss. Office hours don’t start until ten-”

“Oh, I’m not a student here,” Xaeryn said with a laugh. “At least, not anymore. And I do apologize for the early appearance, the drive out went much faster than anticipated.”

A brow twitched at that. “And what is it that brings you to Solhadur, miss...?”

“I’m doing research on a selection of artefacts and haven’t been able to turn up much on one.” It was barely a lie; she had read a bit on the other exhibition pieces, even if the pendent was the only one she needed to go deeper. “It’s from a period I know is of particular interest to the headmaster, so I was hoping to speak to him for a while, see if he could help.”

The receptionist pursed her lips. “Former student, you say?”

Xaeryn nodded. “If he’s busy first thing, I don’t mind waiting.”

““No, actually, being early is smart,” the receptionist said with a light laugh. “His hours are more full at the later end of things. This would be the best opportunity if you want some of his time.” She glanced over Xaeryn once more, then nodded. “You can go up. Third door--”

“On the left. I remember,” Xaeryn finished. “Thank you.”

“You might actually beat him there,” the receptionist laughed. “He isn’t always punctual.”

“I remember that, too,” Xaeryn returned with a grin. “Like I said, I don’t mind waiting. It’ll be good to see him again, few more minutes won’t hurt.” She toyed with one of her earrings as she headed up the stairs, steps lingering and heavy with nostalgia.

It was almost exactly as she remembered. A few portraits replaced or rearranged, new photographs from after she left. New name placards outside the doors she passed. The headmaster’s office door was closed, and a light inquiring rap of her knuckles brought no response.

Looks like she was right, Xaeryn thought with a smile, leaning against the chair outside the office to wait. Her gaze drifted to the high ceiling, following the details of familiar carvings to the scenes painted on the ceiling itself. Slightly faded from what she remembered, but that was to be expected after a decade--

“Xaeryn?!” The voice, still familiar even after years apart, sounded like he’d seen a ghost.

Her heart lurched in her chest and she’d spun around before the impulse to do so had even fully registered, his name tumbling from her lips unprompted in return. “Red?!”

He crossed the remaining distance between them in just a few strides(God, he’d gotten taller, how was that even possible?), barely remembered to set the books he carried on the chair before wrapping her in a hug.

Xaeryn didn’t even flinch, and only just managed to keep her grip on her handbag as she hugged him back. He still smelled of old books and ink and sunshine and she smiled at the memories it stirred.

Liefred Antiqua, her seatmate in any classes they shared and best friend regardless of how many they didn’t for the entirely of her time at Solhadur. Friendly, charming, and just as fond of books as he was people. (The nights they’d spent pressed shoulder to shoulder reading in the library were still among her favorite memories.) Between his warm nature and classic good looks, he’d had half the student body swooning  after him, and yet despite the sharp contrast to Xaeryn’s more reserved and self-reliant bent, they’d still spent most of their time together. Their friendship was the strongest of the few she’d formed at Solhadur, and Xaeryn valued it immensely.

(Too much to risk on anything like admitting when the sight of his smile sent something that was definitely not friendship fluttering in her chest. It was just a crush, it would go away.)

( And then it didn’t.)

They’d both had plans to travel after graduation, and she couldn’t count on all her fingers combined the number of times she’d almost suggested they do it together. But in this one thing, she never could quite summon the nerve. And before she knew it, her departure date had arrived and they were hugging farewell, and come with me wouldn’t unstick from her throat. After a few months’ silence stretched between them--both traveling and unsure where the other might be, obviously--she’d resigned herself to their paths never crossing again, much as the thought hurt.

And yet here he was.

All the memories flew through her mind in the few seconds their hug lasted, and had a lump starting in her throat by the time they parted.

“Wonderful as it is to see you,” Red began as he stepped back to reclaim his books and run a glance over her, “what are you doing here?”

Xaeryn cleared her throat as she returned the apprising glance with one of her own. He still looked practically the same. A few inches taller, shoulders a bit more broad, and an attempt had been made to tame his bright red hair. It had only achieved partial success, and combined with the warm glint in his green eyes, he still was the same Red she knew. (The same Red she’d been more than a little in love with, even if she’d never dared the risk of admitting it.)

“I’m doing research,” she said, reaching up to tug the back brim of her hat as she glanced at the office door. “Into some artefacts. I wanted to ask Headmaster Tevanti about one in particular that’s being difficult.”

Red grimaced and fumbled his books. “Did you not hear, Xaer?” His voice went soft on the nickname, despite them being alone. Voices did carry in these halls, as they very well knew. “Tevanti died.”

She blinked, shock and sorrow curling in her chest. “Wh- How? When?”

“Not long after you left, actually,” he said, raking his free hand through his hair and tousling it out of respectability. “You know he’d been having problems with his heart. It gave out a few months after you left.” His brow furrowed. “I’m surprised you weren’t told when you set an appointment.”

“I didn’t so much set an appointment as show up looking to talk,” Xaeryn admitted with a soft, wry snort. “And I did simply say the headmaster when speaking to the receptionist.” She cocked her head. “Who would that be, now?”

Red smiled sheepishly, half-bit his lower lip. “Me, actually.” He shifted the books to one arm and opened the office door. Slightly nonplussed by two such major revelations in a row, Xaeryn was silent as she followed him in.

“I thought you wanted to travel,” was the first thought to pop in her head and then out her mouth as she looked around the office. It was spacious, lined with jam-packed bookshelves(He must be in heaven), and in a state of... corralled disarray that was so very Red it made her smile despite the news about Tevanti.

“I did,” Red replied, setting the books on his desk. “And I got to, at least a bit.” He tucked a handful of papers inside an open tome occupying one of the chairs, flipped the book closed, and set it on a side table so he could offer her a seat.  “I’d already left when he passed, so Professor Rumi and some others kept things going until I got back.” Rather than sit in the chair behind the desk, he shuffled a small stack of books onto the floor and sat in the one next to Xaeryn’s as he continued. “He’d... wanted me as his successor, Xaeryn.”

“That makes sense.” The words were out  before she could weigh them, spurred by the disbelief in his hesitation. “You’re brilliant, charming, and have a history with the school.” Her face warmed in the wake of being so candid, and Xaeryn glanced over at the large painting of Tevanti that hung on the wall between two bookshelves. He knew what he was doing. “You’re a logical choice.”

Red laughed warmly. “High praise from the smartest student in our class.”

“But far from the most charming,” she countered with a wry smile.

The warmth of his gaze didn’t abate. “I’ve always appreciated your-”

“Bluntness?”

“Straight-forwardness,” Red substituted, and was smiling when she looked his way. “An ability to cut to the heart of the subject is an invaluable skill.”

Xaeryn gave a faint shake of her head. “As is your kindness. But speaking of the heart of the matter...”

��Ah, right. You came here for a reason.” He pushed his unbuttoned shirtsleeves up toward his elbows. “I can’t promise to know as much as Tevanti would have, but I’ll certainly do my best to help.”

“Actually...” She snapped open her handbag to pull out the photograph and her notepad. “You’ve done a lot of research on pre-Autarchy history, so you might be able to help more than you think.” She set the photograph on the desk and Red cocked his head to look at it.

“Solimer’s torch...” he murmured, turning the photograph for a better look as his gaze gained that focus of a niche interest being whetted. (Which, for Red, meant she was about to hear everything he knew about the pendent’s history in too much detail to called a summary, and Xaeryn found herself leaning forward slightly in anticipation.) He glanced up at her. “Isn’t this one of the pieces in that exhibit about to open in Haven?”

She nodded. “That’s why I’m researching it.” She bit her lip but barely hesitated on the gamble of her next words. ‘Those you trust’, Mr. Syndran had said, and there was no one she trusted more than Liefred Antiqua. “It was stolen, and I was hired to find.”

His head came up, derailed from the growing ramble on the pendent’s history.  “Oh?”

“I’m a detective,” Xaeryn said, playing with one of her earrings. She laughed softly. “Scrying does give a considerable leg up to finding things. Or people. But that only works when--”

“You know enough about them,” Red nodded. “So this visit is for business, rather than personal.”

“Mostly, yes,” she conceded, resting one hand on his knee. I didn’t know you’d be here.  “But I was more than willing to chat with Tevanti” --there was a pang in her chest--”which most definitely extends to you as well, Headmaster Antiqua.”

His neck and ears went faintly pink as he laughed. “Surely we don’t need to be quite so formal, Detective Shrike?”

“Just ‘Miss’,” she returned with a laugh of her own, withdrawing her hand to instead fiddle with her notepad. “I work for myself, not the cops.” There might’ve been a little pride in her voice at the words, but it was well-earned.

“I thought you wanted to travel,” Red said, turning her own remark back on her.

“And travel I did,” Xaeryn said lightly. “For quite a while, even. But a girl does need a job eventually, and I’ve always loved a good mystery.”

“Or even a bad one,” he teased. “All kidding aside, Miss Shrike, I’m sure you’re a brilliant investigator.”

She smiled, chuckling at the playful glint in his eye even as her ears warmed at the praise. “Thank you. And on that note, what can you tell me about the pendent?”

“Right, right. You’re here on business.” Amusement lingered in Red’s eyes even as he turned back to the photograph. His sleeves started to slide and he shoved them back up again. Xaeryn very deliberately kept her focus on the photograph, not his arms--or hands--as he tapped one finger at the center of the obsidian pendent. “This was a protection...  charm, I suppose you’d call it, worn by the head of the Solimer tribe ages ago. Literal ages. Without refreshing my memory, all I can tell you is they were one of the few tribes whose wanderings regularly took them through the heart of the Jalis desert, and yet they always fared better on those journeys than the other tribes, which was credited to this pendent.”

“So it is magical?” Xaeryn leaned closer to look over the piece again, not that a photograph could do it full justice. This was a familiar position; the two of them bent over a shared project, and she hadn’t realized how much she missed it until that moment.

“Possibly?” Red shifted and his shoulder bumped hers. “ The story goes that on their first attempt to journey through, they saw a light, like a torch, keeping pace with them. It only showed up at night, and seemed far enough away from their caravan the chief felt it was too dangerous to let anyone go after it to see what it was. Their wariness at its presence, however, kept them vigilant enough they were able to see and fend off any wild animals that came after them, and it did nothing except travel their same path, so they let it be. 

“A couple weeks into their journey, as their supplies were starting to run low, the chieftain’s wife was out hunting and strayed far enough in search of food that the sun started setting while she was out. As the skies grew dim she could see the Torch, much larger than they usually did from the caravan, though it was floating away. Seized by good old-fashioned curiosity” --he paused to wink at her and Xaeryn bit back a smile-- “she followed the light rather than work her way back to camp. She kept after it long enough night had nearly fallen when it crested a ridge and disappeared. She hastened after it, and when she made it over the ridge, found herself standing by a waterspring the likes of which they’d never seen. When she looked around for the light she’d followed, there was no sign of it, save a black rock that lay at her feet. There were no other rocks anywhere nearby, so she decided this must be what had caused the torch-like light her tribe had seen. 

“She carried it with her when she returned to the tribe with news of water, and the Solimer took it as a sign of the gods’ favor. The chieftain had it bound in bronze” --he traced a finger along the lines of the coiled setting-- “to be worn as a way to hold that favor. It was passed from leader to leader and from all accounts they had far better luck surviving the desert than the other tribes for a long time.”

“Was that not likely just them knowing better how to handle themselves? If they traveled those portions of the desert more frequently, of course they were better prepared.”

“Maybe.” Red shrugged. “We have no firsthand written records from any of these tribes, just legends and history relayed orally. And a lot of the second-hand ones were... lost when the Autarchy came to power. From the way the stories run, after generation of favor from the pendent, it was lost when the Solimer were defeated in a skirmish over resources with another tribe. Their next several trips went so poorly it cost over half their number, and they wound up assimilated into other tribes within the next couple decades just to survive.”

“Sad,” Xaeryn murmured, though she wondered if the pendent’s loss had become a self-fulfilling prophecy if they believed in it that strongly. “And what happened to the pendent after that?”

“That’s all I know off the top of my head,” Red said sheepishly as he sat back, running a hand through his hair. “Anything more I’d have to research. To refresh my memory.”

“Oh, that’s all? Tsk, tsk, Liefred, you’re slipping,” she teased, then snorted a wry chuckle. “Of course, it’s more than I had.” She showed him the scant lines on a single page of her small notepad.

Red smiled at the sight of the shorthand and let the playful ribbing slide as he ran a finger over the page. “You tweaked it.”

“A bit, to make it jive better with detective work.” Xaeryn tucked the pad back in her handbag. She’d been so caught up listening to him talk she’d not taken a single note. “I’m certain you could work it out with a little time.”

“Oh, time-” Red’s gaze flew to the clock at the same moment there was a knock and muffled “Headmaster?” at the door. “Damn. Forgot I have a meeting.” He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Tribulations of being in charge. Just a minute!” he called toward the door, then, to Xaeryn, “I can look into this more in my free time, if you’d like.”

What free time? she almost asked, looking at the stacks of books and papers everywhere. But she swallowed that in favor of, “That would be lovely, thank you so much.”

“Any specific information you need?” Red asked as they stood.

“Anything you can find is welcome, but specifically.... What happened to the pendent after the Solimer lost it, who would have claim of ownership, if ownership is contested... anything like that. I want to find it, but part of that may very well lie in figuring out who would have most reason to steal it in the first place.” Xaeryn pulled out a business card and handed it to him. “So I don’t wind up nagging you,” she laughed. “You can call when you find something. The telephone’s in my office, but I live adjacent, so I’ll always hear it.”

Red nodded and slipped the card in his pocket. “I’ll try not to take too long.”

“Much appreciated. Also...” She grimaced slightly. “This is something of a secret; the Couriers don’t want it being common knowledge.”

“Understandable,” he said as they started toward the door. “Oh, don’t you need this?” He reached back for the photograph and held it out to her.

“Yes, thanks.” Xaeryn smiled and tried not to let the flutter in her chest when their fingers brushed as she took it gain purchase. She slipped the photograph back in her handbag as Red opened the door. Given the student waiting in the hall, she was the picture of professionalism--aside from the twinkle in her eye--as she nodded farewell. “Thank you for your time, Headmaster.”

Several things flashed through Red’s eyes, the brief desire to strangle her, a loud burst of laughter, an eyeroll, but he settled on a warm smile, wide enough his dimples just started to show. “Happy to help, Miss Shrike.”

She was still fighting a grin as she turned to descend the stairs, heart practically singing with warmth. Of all the lovely surprises... Regardless of whether she succeeded or failed, this case was already among the most worthwhile she’d ever taken, simply for bringing him back into her life.

[princeanxious]

Okay stupid tumblr didnt tell me you said yes but HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS :DDD

When did they become vanpires

How old are they

What year were the vampires born

How long has V been locked away, what has he missed

Does V immediately latch onto the grunge/emo aesthetic because it matches the whole vampire theme

Is Roman a himbo™

What is the twins relationship like

Anxciet is the main pairing, are there any side pairings?

How does Janus react to the whole "oh yeah vampires are real" thing

Were any of the vamps around for any big historical events

Were any of the vamps big historical figures

Do they end up going to highschool/uni with the humans

What does everyone look like

Do any of them have really strong opinions about something useless (eg. pineapple on pizza, a certain colour, double denim, etc)

:)

Virgil became a Vampire sometime in the 17/1800s?? Logan is from around the 1500s, and Patton claims he lost count a long time ago.(Patton’s probably at least at least a thousand years old though? But he looks more like a young 25 y/o whose attire choices change day to day but generally always gives off that Parent vibe), Virgil was turned by Patton, Logan was born Vampire, Patton was assumably born vampire. Remus and Roman are 27, Janus is 25.

Virgil was locked away for about 150 years, give or take? He missed the entire shift in society and the human experience, from how relationships are viewed/treated to longer lifespans, to cleaner hygiene, convenience, and technology, hell, even the more open existance of the lgbtqa+ community! A /lot/ has happened in the past 100 years, and now Virgil has alot of catchup to do.(and don’t worry, Patton & Logan help Virgil catch up pretty quickly, they share flashcards and Virgil gets h o o k e d on social media when he gets a phone)

He absolutely does. Its a weird adjustment, what with the now wildly varied different textiles and styles and change. Especially the lack of layers, he misses those. (And finds immense comfort in the jacket that Janus gifts him, as its big and oversized and feels oh so very soft and warm.) But no yeah, he gets his hair cut(it still grew for those years locked away, albiet still rather slowly from malnutrition) and rocks the fringe, even gets his hair dyed purple to match his eyes, all the grunge/punk/emo aesthetic! Some of his favorite new things are makeup, piercings, and so much black fabric to chose from!

You’ll be surprised to note, that Roman is sadly not a himboTM in this au, as Virgil has already taken over that roll 💜💜💜

Remus and Roman’s relationship? Honestly ride or die chaos, the kinds of siblings that play pranks on one another and insult eachother but god forbid some poor outsider steps in to try and say the same thing they said abt their sibling, that outsider will have regreted it. The kind if ‘The Only one allowed to call my brother a Bitch-Ass Idiot is ME’ kind of siblings? Look they grew up in a area filled with people who dont like things out of the norm and befriended the local bullied kid who is half-covered in snake scales and speaks with a lisp due to his split togue. Remus himself suffers from intrusive anxiety and Roman suffers from chronic(?) depression. They’re all a bit ride or die, through and through.

Anxceit is the main pairing, and while it’s not entirely set in stone, Logince and Intruality are probably the other two.

Technically its not a secret in their world?? Like magic is a thing in their workd, its just usually left out of humanities bloodline. Humans like Janus are pretty rare bc of that. Vampires are still p rare to meet but not unheard of.

Yes, the vampires were alive for many major historical events. No we are not going to talk abt any of them. Same goes w/ historical figures.

Yes! Infact, Roman and Logan share college/uni theatre classes together! Logans currently an astronomy major, Roman a theatre arts major(i think thats what its called?) Logan is a formidible lyrical rival and Roman finds himself constantly losing to his rival in the form of slam poetry, though every day Roman always gets a little closer to winning(Logan adores the challenge, and the passion Roman has to beat Logan at his own game is riviting to experience. Logan would def consider Roman a perfect companion, but would have never acted on it if virgil hadnt been rescued by said companions twin brother, thus gettig both trios heavily involved w/ each other.) Patton’s been alive so long that he doesn’t care too much for academia, and instead focuses on tactile learning, like pottery and woodworking. Remus himself is an arts major, known for making really hyper horror or grotesque creature sculptures/doll customization, so he kind of just laches onto this man who seems to be larger than life and is far from bothered by Remus’s ‘not safe for common convos’ way of talking and its nice not to have someone run away. (Honestly, the feeling is mutual between the two)

As for what everone looks like, I kinda just want to leave that up to interpretation? If I end up drawing any of them they’ll probably be reflective of the way that I usually draw the sides, just human or vampire-ified, and maybe have a trait or two tweaked specifically for the au? The only real thing standing out to me is that i might give Remus or Roman Albinism? Idk yet.

Uhhhh i’m sure they have alot? Logan hates modern mirrors, bc they are usually not made w/ a silver backing. Let me tell you the first time Logna passed his full blown reflection out of something he’d never been able to use before, its clear, consise, ans ge hates it bc he can now very easily stare into his own eyes clearly and question existance.

Patton, despite being the oldest ever, is still v afraid of soiders despite knowing they cant hurt him too horribly.

Virgil is under the strong opinion that memes are hilarious and hoodies are amazing.

[meetmeatthecoda]

I absolutely ♥️ADORE♥️ Scripted and would love to read your director’s commentary for it!

Oh, anon!! 😍 I'm SO THRILLED that you loved Scripted so much, that makes me so happy!! 🥰 Especially that you loved it enough to want to read my "director's commentary" (that phrase makes me laugh, you'd think I created a feature length film all by myself 🤣), so I think I'll skim through the fic - it's been a while since I re-read it - & make a bullet-point list of any special BTS info I can think of 😊 Anddd I'll also put it under a read more cause you know me, I never use one word when one hundred will do 😂

So, the fic itself was inspired by the ending of 5.08 where Liz wakes from her coma to Red reading to her in an armchair as he had been for the past 10 months, it's fine, I'm fine but she still has a ventilator in so she can't talk & instead has to write "how long?" on a piece of paper & her handwriting is super shake-y bc her muscles are so weak (I think Red even helps her hold the pen? It's clearly been a while since I re-watched the ep whoops but ugh, be still my heart.) For some reason, I just latched onto the idea of a mute Liz, really suffering with the implications of everything she went through (since her recovery was so glossed over in the show boo) & Red 1000% being there for her. Mostly, I just wanted to dive into the dynamic of Liz letting Red care for her the way he's always wanted to (without Tom & Agnes btw) to the point where their relationship is unhealthy in its reliance, but neither can see it bc Liz is blocking things out (& unknowingly falling in love with him) & Red is just so thrilled to be able to love & care for her (while already deeply in love with her obvi). So yeah, that was the kind of dynamic & closeness I wanted to explore between them & it was... really fun 😊

The idea of the coma providing the perspective Liz needed to see that Red has always had her best interests at heart & clearly loves her (in addition to the fact that he never left her side or gave up during those 10 months lol peak romance tbh) seemed very organic & logical to me.

I liked the idea of Red & Liz playing board games as a way to pass the time & get to know each other better. It's the kind of casual interaction we were never gifted with in the show & I think they're both competitive in the right circumstances, even if its playfully so.

I liked the idea of Liz being urged to learn ASL, as I'm deaf in one ear & would dearly love to learn it at some point.

The detail of Red sleeping on a cot close enough to Liz's hospital bed that they can hold hands in their sleep was a total guilty pleasure addition & I'm not sorry.

I loved the scene in the beginning where Red is talking to Dembe on the phone in the hallway & Liz is practicing her letters. She's purely doing it so Red doesn't worry & I loved the idea of her being apathetic to everything except Red's concerns, plus I added in the parenthetical of (Red sometimes squints at her k's.) bc I thought it represented that well, but also bc it was just cute af. I also added the little detail of him waving at her through the window at the last minute bc I thought the scene needed something else & once I pictured that, it was too adorable to leave out.

Red handling all the details of Liz's care & transportation without asking (bc he instinctively knew that's what Liz wanted) only to turn around & panic about excluding her seemed like a very RED thing to do & I like how it emphasizes his well-meaning intentions, respect for her preferences, & desire to see her happy, even if she did actually want to leave him lol as if.

I liked the visual of Liz stumbling into Red's arms as she stands from her hospital bed to leave with him (sets a precedent for later) & I also loved the visual of a pen in her ponytail & of course Red using it to flirt a little bc come on.

I remember struggling to write the car ride transition to the lake house. I usually get ideas & visions for specific scenes, moments, or bits of dialogue, so those kind of transition moments are hard for me sometimes. But I liked that I settled on Red helping to ground Liz through touch (again, sets a precedent for later).

Red & Liz playing hangman in the car with Red using the word "fedora" & drawing a suited hangman made me giggle.

I can see the lake house very clearly in my mind, complete with the willow tree, bench, & tiny house (included bc I desperately want a tiny house in real life) & I really enjoyed describing the interior & imagining the joy Red would get out of decorating it with Liz in mind.

Their first night in the house where Liz has her nightmare & Red comforts her - that was a scene I had in mind very early on & I love how it turned out, especially with Liz mouthing "stay with me" into Red's neck, that part gave me All The Feels™.

The "morning after" scene where Liz realizes on some level that she's too dependent on Red is an important moment in the fic & the off-hand detail that at least "she's not going around murdering people & calling it therapy" was a bit of shade to Ruin (which I don't think I ever saw bc I was kind of appalled with the idea lol) I think I posted Scripted after Ruin aired... if not, I guess I'm psychic?? LOL

The breakfast scene - & the fact that Red is preparing every breakfast food known to man bc he's nervous too - is near & dear to my heart. I think that's a pretty pivotal scene since they kind of reach an unspoken agreement & peace &... "things settle after that first breakfast."

I liked the teeny little parenthetical section that comes next as well, which acts as a sort of middle point for the fic.

The next large chunk of the fic was pure indulgence for me. I LOVED writing about all the different things they would do together when it was just the two of them, it was basically a collection of Lizzington headcanons & that's how I sketched them out LOL Here's some notes on them:

I came up with the jigsaw puzzle headcanon (that Liz is bored by them bc they're easy for her bc she's a trained psychologist & easily sees patterns in things) late in the editing process but loved it so much that I included it.

Liz's sandwich preference is actually mine LOL

The Monopoly banter was fun af to write bc I love that game.

The love notes Liz leaves around the house for Red is still an all-time favorite headcanon of mine.

I loved the idea of Red reading to Liz in a foreign language, holding the book only for looks, but not actually reading from it at all & instead professing his love for her. I think I've even used that headcanon in another fic LOL

Their movie nights were also something I was dying to include, especially since they include snacks & cuddles.

Their co-sleeping habits were also something I wanted to include & Liz's newly tactile nature is both a symptom of her dependence on Red & also a guilty pleasure thing for me bc we all wanted more of Red & Liz touching on screen, plus I felt obligated to explain through Red that it wasn't sexual in nature (though if I ever get around to writing part 2, that will change 😉)

Dembe being the one to observe & interfere in their situation was an early scene I imagined as well, that was always going to be the climax of the fic (or at least part 1). I so enjoyed writing about Red & Liz's relationship through his eyes bc he just loves them both & only wants to help them.

Another pivotal scene I imagined early on was Liz having a panic attack with Dembe when she discovers Red has left & that was super engaging to write, as well as the reunion between them which... I pretty much wrote the whole fic with the goal of getting to that lovely angst LOL

Red's resolve to finally urge Liz to speak was heart-breaking to write (so naturally I loved it lol what's wrong with me) & in particular the detail of them eating fruit for lunch before he broaches the topic with her & the parenthetical about it being "a sign from the cosmos that they are meant to be together just because they don't eat each other's favorite fruit" made my heart happy even tho it's stupid LOL & when Red asks her if she would ever try to speak again & she responds with a simple written "Why?" that was a huge moment that I loved the angst of, of course. As well as the absolutely gutting: "Lizzie, I miss your voice."

I liked that Liz needs some time to think & accept everything Red forces her to realize at the end, that was super important to me in the resolution of the fic/part 1 & I tried really hard to include both their mentalities there at the end.

The fact that Red hasn't had a drink since he started caring for Liz also made my shipping heart happy.

And - lastly - the fact that the only thing Liz actually says in the whole fic is Red's name? Yeah 🥲🥲🥲

Welp, there you go, anon, I'm not sure if that was interesting to you at all, but I certainly hope so!! I know that was a lot but... it's a long fic, my longest ever, so I figure it's warranted, right?? 😂 Anyway, thank you so much, both for the compliment of loving Scripted AND for wanting to read more about it, anon, you are so sweet!! 🥰 I hope you enjoyed this & much, much love to you, my friend!! ❤️

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

[alittlebitgoofy]

I don’t mean to taunt, but I can’t help but flaunt

i tend not to bold these but this is smut, i normally write fluff and this is not that so if that makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read

so this is something, i never thought i'd be out here posting smut but here we are, after like 2 months this is finally done. can't say i'm gonna write this again any time soon it was mostly an experiment but if people like idk

title from can you do by the aces which i implore people to check out bc it slaps

thanks to zyan and mermelada for both betaing i was a fun experiance and i needed the help lol

ao3 link

“Come on, you’ll love it, and I told her I’d bring a friend. Are you telling me you don’t want to see girls with a lack of clothes? I know you do, Lem.” Priyanka poked a clearly annoyed Lemon in the shoulder, not stopping the constant questions for her to come see her friend at a strip club.

Lemon claimed she didn’t want to, but it made no sense: Lemon liked girls, and had even expressed interest in going a few days prior. Either she got a kick out of turning Priyanka down, or there was something more to it.

“Alright, alright. Is your hot friend going to be there?” Although they had never met, the pictures that Lemon had seen of Priyanka’s friend were enough to get her very interested in the girl. She didn’t know much about her, only that they were long time friends, she went by the name Juice, and she was one of the prettiest girls Lemon had ever seen.

“Oh? Juice works there. You’ll be able to see her perform if you come.”

That was all Lemon needed to hear; she quickly agreed. The chance to see Juice in action was too good to pass up.

---

By the time they made it there, Juice had already begun performing; she walked around like she owned the place, and it immediately caught Lemon’s attention. Priyanka got them a table, leaving a distracted Lemon as she went to get drinks.

Something about the way Juice moved her body was magnetic — Lemon couldn’t help watching as she made her way to customers, taking tips and seeming to flirt a little with them, in a way that made Lemon burn with jealousy. She had no right to feel that way, though watching Juice interact with anyone who wasn’t her was infuriating.

Juice expected it to be a normal night, do her thing, flirt with a few people for extra tips and such. Then, she locked eyes with a pretty girl from across the room. To say she was clearly checking her out was an understatement — the girl looked at her in a way that no one else had: as if Juice was the hottest person around, and it was an honor to look at her. She was cute, staring with her mouth slightly agape. Her eyes were always on Juice, no matter where she moved.

Lemon felt herself lose all ability to function the second her hands grabbed a tip the blonde had somehow been able to hand her. Juice stayed there for longer than Lemon could cope with; as if she wasn’t hot enough already, seeing her toned arms move to grab the tips drove Lemon insane. She wondered how strong Juice was, would she be able to lift Lemon? Probably. If she could lift a person, how strong were her similarly toned thighs? Could they crush Lemon’s head if—

“Lem, stop drooling over Juice. She knows you find her hot,” Priyanka said, interrupting whatever had been going on between the girls. She placed down two drinks and greeted Juice, as she kept her eyes locked on Lemon.

“Oh, so you’re the Lemon that Pri has been telling me about? She didn’t mention how cute you were.” Juice practically cooed at Lemon, one of her hands angling her face up to meet her eyes. She didn’t miss how Lemon seemed to hold her breath at the touch, or how her eyes darted after a few seconds of eye contact.

Lemon felt her face heat up the more Juice stared at her, it wasn’t fair how hot she was — the way her dark hair fell over her shoulders, shimmering in the overhead lights, her obsidian eyes that sparkled with something that Lemon couldn’t quite grasp; something that, if she spent too long thinking about it, would overflow and make her feelings all too clear to those around her. As if it wasn’t obvious enough.

She was already in too deep, anything the brunette did left her breathless. Juice smirked at her, turning around to leave, giving Lemon a wink that left her speechless and pining for more.

“I can’t stick around too long, but I’ll be back soon, my darling.” Juice smirked behind her, feeling Lemon shakily inhale at the prolonged contact. The pet name seemed to push her over the edge, melting into a pile of goo that could only just hum out a response. Lemon was left staring in awe of the brunette, who already knew that she had the cute blonde girl wrapped around her finger.

“So, you two get along well.” Priyanka prodded Lemon, who had been too occupied watching Juice move on to the other customers to notice her friend. She turned to her, seeing a smug grin that made her want to hide from the upcoming mocking. “I’ve never seen you so whipped; I know she’s not wearing much, and you’re as useless as they come, but seriously? You lost it at her touching your face? That’s impressive.”

Lemon groaned, shoving Priyanka before burying her face into her hands, growing hotter the more Priyanka stared at her. “I hate you.” Although it was meant to come out annoyed or lightly harsh, Lemon’s words cracked with her embarrassment. She knew the moment she looked up, Priyanka would still be staring, wearing that smug grin that made Lemon want to fade away then and there out of embarrassment.

The night continued, other girls came and left, Lemon and Priyanka enjoyed themselves while a certain someone was preoccupied with other customers. She felt her eyes wander over to the girl, and every so often they would make eye contact, leaving Lemon flustered.

Something about the way Lemon ducked her head down the second Juice winked towards her was adorable, and left Juice wanting to know more of her quirks.

Priyanka was less amused by everything. It was her own planning and fault; she had somewhat underestimated how enamoured Lemon would be. There was something about her blank stare, the way she couldn’t quite respond to their conversation, too distracted by the small brunette. It was funny at first, getting progressively less amusing as time went on. She wanted nothing more than to force them into a room to get rid of all this sexual tension.

Oh... They had private rooms in the back of the club, open for any customer to hire out. Priyanka saw her escape from Lemon in this state when Juice made her way back around to their table.

Juice offered a silent nod in greeting to Priyanka, before finding a place in Lemon’s lap. It was amusing to watch the blonde freeze, trying to process what was happening and blankly not knowing how to react.

“You two need to get a room.” The curt observation came out snider than intended. Juice laughed in response, her hands once again finding their way to Lemon’s face.

“We could always go somewhere a little more... private?” Her hand slipped lower, slowly making its way down Lemon’s hip, leaving her staring wide eyed, breath hitching in her throat as Juice lightly gripped her waist. “If you wanted that, princess?”

The use of the pet name made Lemon’s eyes glint with something Juice needed to unravel, the only response she got was a nod, followed by more money quietly pushed into her hand.

“Oh, no, you’ve given me enough. This is on the house; let’s go somewhere more private. I’m sure you’re dying to,” Juice murmured, guiding Lemon up and keeping her hand on her waist. Their hands intertwined as the brunette led Lemon to the back of the club, past the other tables of horny old men staring at the clear sexual tension as if it was the most foreign thing.

Juice practically pushed Lemon into the room, locking the door behind them before her hands latched back onto her body. One moved back to her face, pulling her into a heated kiss that only broke as they positioned themselves on one of the couches in the dimly lit room. Lemon pulled Juice on top of her, finally finding it in her to respond with more than a whimper. Her fingers found themselves curling around the fabric of Juice’s bra, tracing her thumb over the top of it, itching to pull it off but not yet having the confidence.

“Look at you, still so nervous, aren’t you, princess? There’s nothing to be worried about. I’ve got you, and I'm not letting go until I've made you feel good.”

Lemon blanked again, but for a different reason: Juice had stopped playing, pulling her shirt off quick and easily, and had begun toying with her breasts, delighting in the little gasps Lemon let out as she did so.

That wasn’t enough; after a moment, the once quiet girl was now whining for more. Juice made her way down, undoing Lemon’s jeans and sliding her fingers inside them. The constant teasing had done a number on the blonde over the course of the night, leaving her letting out soft moans at every touch. They got louder as Juice put in more energy, Lemon hiding her head into her shoulder to muffle her loud moans. It wasn’t long before she climaxed. Glancing up at Juice with a blissful expression, she pulled her into a softer kiss, one not tainted by lust, but tinged with something that Juice knew would lead to more.

Her shift ended soon after that; and she left with Lemon, ready to go again when they got to Juice’s apartment. The wait was tortuous, especially with the flirtatious comments Juice couldn’t resist as they drove there. At every stoplight, Juice was briefly turning to Lemon with an unreadable expression, or a rare kiss on the cheek if she felt the desire. Watching Lemon gradually lose her ability to mask her impatience was the most temptatious thing she had ever seen.

Luckily for the blonde, they arrived back soon enough. Lemon felt her control slip away as Juice looped her arm around her waist, using the other hand to pull her into a kiss. They went slower this time, Juice more careful than before. She took the time to take in her beauty, admiring every part of the blonde as she pleasured her. The way Juice softly ran her free hand around Lemon’s body, exploring it all as she thrusted her fingers into the girl. Lemon didn’t take long to climax. Every time Juice touched her, it made her feel something special. It was stronger with her than it had been with anyone else for a very long time. Although the second time took most of her energy, she was still craving to show her affection to the brunette in a way she would appreciate.

“I wanna make you feel good,” Lemon whispered into Juice’s ear, sending shivers up the other girl's spine as her arms wrapped around her. Juice held back a squeak as Lemon slid her hands under her shirt, pulling it off quickly and getting to work on her jeans.

Something in the blonde had shifted and it was a sight to behold. Gone was the whiny, needy girl that Juice had been enjoying tending to, and in her place was a soft, confident woman that knew what she wanted and didn’t stop to think about it. She made her way on top of Juice, pressing their lips together in a slow, tender kiss before making her way down.

Lemon clearly knew what she was doing, occasionally slowing down to check on Juice, but never hesitating with what she did when she got the confirmation it was okay. She got noises out of Juice very easily, reveling in all the different pleasure-filled sounds she would make as they got further. It started as soft moans until she lost the ability to hold back, squealing as she came closer to her orgasm. In the end she felt a rush of euphoria, lying back as she attempted to recover from what had just happened.

She felt something warm envelop her, realising Lemon was pulling her into a cosy hug that made her eyes begin to flutter shut as a soft feeling washed over her.

“Who would have thought you would tire so easily!” Lemon teased, poking Juice’s cheek to little reaction other than an adorable scrunch of her face that made Lemon’s heart melt.

“I’ve been working all night, ‘course I'm gonna be tired,” Juice yawned, her words almost slurred in her sleepy state. “I’ll have a lot more energy next time, don’t worry, princess,” she continued, a grin quickly taking over her features as she rolled over to face Lemon, nesting her head on her shoulder.

“Oh, there’s going to be a next time? I’m looking forward to it.” Lemon smiled as Juice let out a humm of agreement before yawning again. She couldn’t stay awake much longer, but made her desire for affection known as she nuzzled into the other girl and slung an arm over her waist. Lemon knew she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and that wasn’t a bad thing.

Juice would wake up tomorrow, remembering everything they had gotten up to with a devious grin, but calmed her desires with soft kisses that made her want to spend all day curled in bed together. While it couldn’t last forever, she made her affectionate feelings known, getting Lemon’s number in the process and agreeing to set up a date in the near future.

Maybe listening to Priyanka once in a while wasn’t so bad, though Lemon would never tell her that and risk boosting her ego even more.

[filthyjanuary]

7-12 and 16-20 for the asks!

7. What do you dislike about your favourite season?

i think season 2 is the best, but as i’ve said before, my favourite is 4 solely because the first few eps i watched were from s4. i think season 4 is very solid and even though it’s a season that HURTS BAD because of everything happening between sam and dean, i think the show earns the conflict for the most part. the literal only thing that still haunts me is that the STUPID VOICEMAIL THAT GETS ALTERED IS NEVER ADDRESSED. like i hate more than anything that sam still thinks dean said those things. like i know jared’s said that sam knows dean loves him but i don’t care!!! sam /and/ dean deserve to know the voicemail was changed.

OH also literally everything with anna milton. she deserved better <3 sorry the fridged you and gave part of your arc to a man, queen.

also sam and dean should’ve found out cas let sam out of the panic room.

8. Thoughts on Sam’s demon blood arc

i love sam’s demon blood arc. his hot girl summer! in all seriousness, it makes perfect sense. mystery spot sets it up that sam goes dark when he doesn’t have dean, and s4 is the natural progression of that. i love sam being hellbent on revenge, and the blood drinking was hot sorry not sorry. like obviously the end result wasn’t stellar and the handling of the demon blood as an addiction was handled rather shittily in the show, but overall this arc is near and dear to me and if i couldn’t have the boy king, i’m glad i got this instead. and it brings up some really interesting concepts that get explored really well in fic.

9. Thoughts on the Moc arc

i hate this arc mostly because like dean was terrible...which makes sense, but even after the mark was gone it’s like... he never /really/ pulls himself out of that place. it also just dragged on for FAR too long. like it didn’t need to be like 30 episodes or however long. i do like that it gave us demon!dean being like sexythreatening, and that scene of sam cradling dean’s face and begging him to tell him that he had to kill all those people and just the general sam is dean’s colette of it all. also the end of s10 with sam on his knees and dean telling him to close his eyes is deeply fucked up and i love it for that reason and obviously that happened bc of the MOC storyline.

10. Fave underrated ep

i am highkey obsessed with 1x04 phantom traveller, 2x07 the usual suspects and 4x19 jump the shark and i feel like most people don’t really care about those episodes or bring them up much. phantom traveller is just interesting bc i think the character moments are fun and i am obsessed with plane crashes for some reason. the usual suspects i just adore because it’s really a great exploration of HOW WELL sam and dean know each other and just how alike they are. and unfortunately i really like the cop lady in this one. jump the shark was the second episode of supernatural i ever saw and for some reason something in my brain latched onto adam and never let go. i love him so much (i know it’s not really him in the ep but ukno) and i love how much you learn about sam and dean through it too.

11. Thoughts on BMOL

boring. like...the actors were not good at their accents. they wanted what bela talbot had in s3. i just didn’t find ‘the british are evil’ a compelling storyline in a supernatural show.... like girl i live in real life you don’t need to preach to me about the british. also like they set up ketch to be evil like worse than toni who i already hate because she tortures/sexually assaults sam by having him kill magda i guess? but then they end up redeeming him and he survives longer than both mick (affectionate) and toni (derogatory), like seriously one of the worst Big Bads they’ve ever had.

12. Thoughts on Mary

to be honest, i think bringing her back was kind of a stupid idea in the sense that the ENTIRE SHOW starts because of her death. but i felt like HAVING DONE THAT, trying to deconstruct her image as like this nuclear housewife was compelling and the whole clash of sam and dean who just want their mom versus mary who left her kids as a an infant and a small child and now has these grown men who are older than her needing things she doesn’t know how to give was very interesting. and i wish they’d done more with that. 

16. Any criticisms of their world building/lore

well i think everyone’s said it better than me that they can’t seem to get their stance on monsters straight at all and the show suffers for it. i also hate how like the later seasons especially just blatantly retcon so much. the prime example is the garden of eden in s5 vs s15.... the s5 version was so much more interesting and i hate that they brought it back just to destroy their own lore. the whole concept of the abrahamic god being like the ‘real’ god vs other gods just being minor annoyances didn’t like...make sense or feel good either. i also would’ve loved more exploration of like what the fuck it means to be a vessel and also exploration of other monsters/urban legends. like ok we get it ghosts/demons/vampires/werewolves sure w/e but there’s so much to pull from. it got repetitive and there’s so many other things they could’ve tried. hell the SECOND EPISODE of the show mentions black dogs and we never actually encounter one. or like chimeras... like there’s just plenty to dig into and they just get lazy.

17. What did you like about s15?

15x20 <3 also just...jack....that’s my son! MICHAEL/ADAM IN 15X08!!!! i think there were a couple moments i liked in like...the gambler and last holiday, and i thought belphagor was funny. oh! also sam’s nightmare visions were kinda fun even tho they led back to lucifer :/

18. Thoughts on Lucifer

he was a really excellent and intimidating villain in s5.... and frankly i enjoyed hallucifer as well because sure he was presented comedically but he was a deeply dark presence hanging over sam as a reminder of what he suffered. everything after that...sucked!!! it sucked!!!!! overstayed his welcome, letting him out of the cage again totally nullifies sam’s sacrifice and frankly he lost every smidge of intimidation factor he ever had. he was just annoying and whiny and pointless and sam should’ve killed him <3 fuck that guy.

19. Most uncomfortable moments throughout the show for you?

answered here

20. Define the different eras in a few lines or words (s1-5, s6-7, s8-11, s12-15)

this was meant to be short... and then it wasnt... sorry.

kripke: PEAK SUPERNATURAL. racist AND sexist but like i frankly do not care because the actually storytelling is so GOOD. COHERENT. i long for what could’ve been had the strike not kneecapped s3 and we’d gotten boyking, but hell the arc we DID get... so good. so fulfilling. aesthetics go off the charts. character dynamics so good!!! conflicts are earned!!!! there was a fucking vision here and it was unique and interesting and the show was COMMITTED TO IT. literally iconic television i love her so much. eric kripke needs a therapist but i’m glad he wrote this show instead of going to see one. 

gamble: sera THEE gamble.... overarching storylines kinda weak, but SO FUN! i had fucking fun! soulless sam is a comedian, godstiel was the last time cas was remotely interesting, like!!!! she gave us everything!!!!! gets slandered way too much by this hell fandom like yes the leviathans were stupid but the were FUN and the character moments in s6-s7!!! so good!!!! lots of excellent MOTW eps as well, which... as we know...i love. when the show lost gamble, it lost something great, i’ll die on this hill. i love u #girlboss.

carver: there’s a lot of good here and a lot i despise. dean steadily grows darker throughout the show but there’s like a real VEER into being awful in s9 that the show never recovers from. it makes dean very unlikeable for the rest of its run, mostly by virtue of the show not realizing how unlikeable it’s made dean because it needs him to always be right so the fact that he’s basically turned into john is never like....addressed in any meaningful way. some storylines (MOC!!) dragged on for too long, while others were way too short (TRIALS!!!) but ultimately i think there were some good ideas here and moments i’m fond of. season 11 is Beautiful. i love her so much. there’s some really excellent eps in s11 and the character moments are good.

dabb: i literally hate it here (jack sweetie you are not included in this assessment you’re doing great). it was just stupid. the characterizations of EVERYBODY sucked and fell flat. way too obsessed with pandering to the loudest faction on twitter. took the wreckage of dean that carver left and full destroyed him. like straight up could’ve done something meaningful if they’d bothered to address it at all but they literally didn’t ever make dean be accountable for his actions??? can’t tell u what cas was doing it was so forgettable he obviously had no purpose literally the only scenes i remember were a couple where he’s being cute with jack and that one ep where he and sam go to that old-timey town and sam gets brainwashed. sam like... exists, and his character is intact but it’s only intact because the writers that were left didn’t want to bother giving him anything meaty to do to so the were like *spins wheel* leadership arc that goes nowhere, and he just exists being kind and compassionate and putting up with too much shit. BUT HE HAD REALLY FUCKING EXCELLENT MOMENTS WITH JACK and that alone is why i think it’s worth the slog. sam/jack is my favourite dynamic on the show following sam/dean so...unfortunately based on that.... i can’t just burn the whole dabb era but seriously... way to make every character a hollow, one-dimensional shell.

send me supernatural asks

[taeyongsbroadshoulders]

B how did u get into bts?? I feel like one day it was all Harry and the next u were creating a side blog lmao no shade or anything!! Just curious!!

oh boy.... this is gonna be a long one BUCKLE UP we’re going all the way back... to the Beginning.... (also i legit wrote Too Much so its under the cut sorry she balled Too Hard)

okay SO the first time i heard of them was in?? 2015 i wanna say?? anyway a ton of people i knew from here and saw on twitter started talking about them and reblogging them (i unfollowed all of them too.. I am Fake look where we are now LMAO) and i straight up was like I Do Not Get This

and then i didn’t hear a ton about them for a bit (bc.. unfollowing and avoiding for whatever reason lmao) and then in 2017 i started working for the football team and we had a group at halftime who was doing choreography and they sent me a clip of music they were using and it was Not Today by BTS??? and i heard it and was like ummmmmmm this fucking... slaps.... no..... and i was so mad bc i was so determined to Not be into them even tho i listened to that clip she had sent me like 20 times skgjdlgjdkgl (again... Fake)

then a little while later also in 2017 i heard Mic Drop and i was like okay..??? OKAY....... they have bangers?? absolute tunes out here??? but throughout this whole time the only other thing about them i had ever really seen was how feral their fans were and so i was Very scared and intimidated lmao but i would secretly listen to Mic Drop regularly... and from then on for a few years i would keep up with them (casually, normally, very much in a completely uninterested way obvs 👀) when they would perform on american shows (like when they did Mic Drop on jimmy kimmel in 2017, a couple years where they performed on some of those new years eve shows) and i thought they were SO talented especially in their dancing and everything but again.. kept at arms length...

anyway from there i would just randomly obsessively watch their mic drop music video and then move on (read: me last year) so i was just dabbling here and there for YEARS.. and i think legit one of the only things that stopped me from going All In this whole time was an overall reluctance but also that i never really saw enough of them to latch onto a Fave?? and you know ya girl always needs a fave to obsess over lmao

so fast forward now to this year when Carpool Karaoke came out... and there was Tae in his floppy haired glory in the back corner of the vehicle doing  nothing but serving absolute face and looking fine as Fuck and i was like okay 👀👀 OKAY���👀 so then I was Looking and Looking Hard

aaaannnndddd here we get to a couple months ago when I had just moved and was a week out from starting a new job so obvs my brain was like “U NEED A HYPERFIXATION RIGHT! NOW!” and so i sort of just randomly started looking up more of their performances and seeing how absolutely balls to the wall talented they are and then getting to know their personalities a bit more and stuff and then... i was In.... which also coincidentally coincided with my mutual kelly @fleetwoodcherry / @taespajamas getting into BTS and Tae specifically so i started seeing Him more and was IMMENSELY COMPELLED to say the least... and being the most susceptible bitch in the world to cute boys who dance and sing it was a true recipe for a Fixation and now here we are !

so yeah it’s legit been a years-long battle that i finally gave into.. oh how the TURNS HAVE TABLED... but anyway im here now and i sucked in a couple of my friends and im having a GREAT fucking time so much serotonin i am v grateful for them and a lil mad i didnt get into them earlier but u know what im here now and that’s what matters

anyway this was a literal novel thank u for asking ive been lowkey waiting to ~~tell my story and i had a great time fjgdfklg

[pharahlesbian]

What are your opinions on aromantic folks?

well, its kind of complicated. on the one hand, i dont rly feel like u guys r doing anything wrong per se, like none of u ever seem to do any of the harmful shit that aces do. and aro is an identity i used to hold really closely. roughly 4-5 years ago, i was on here identifying as aroace.

my personal experience with both labels is that they did measurable harm to my perception of myself and my sexuality. when i did eventually realize i was a lesbian, i didn’t immediately suspect those labels had done me any harm. not until i read several other accounts of ppl who went through a near identical experience as me

see, the answer to your question is complicated bc i first have to address split attraction. its one of my main gripes with asexuality. its my firm belief that romantic and sexual attraction should not be so neatly sequestered the way many people describe them to be. the reality of attraction is that every single person experiences it uniquely and defines it for themselves and themselves alone. i genuinely think the labels “aromantic” and “asexual” and all their variants shouldnt exist at all. and i think they are REGRESSIVE. i really do. they impede progress in a society that desperately needs it. we NEED a more healthy view of sex in our society. we NEED people to understand that its normal and ok to not want sex, or to experience varying degrees of attraction. not wanting sex or romance should be as normal as not wanting your ears pierced. and it should be something you discuss with your partner and your partner alone. having labels for this very normal experience is honestly just setting us back. we dont need to get caught up in a hundred micro labels to describe the ways we have sex. we can just have sex, or dont! or have sex once a month, once a year! or never! and thats your choice and you shouldnt be made to feel like u need to have 5 labels for what should just be how youre feeling. attraction is so nebulous, theres no way we could ever pin it down with labels and we should really stop trying

so. how do i feel about aromantic ppl. well, how do i feel about aromanticism? its a tough conversation to have, because of how personal it is, and its why ive put off this ask for a really long time. i was aroace, yeah, but aro was the label i was really passionate about. im gonna tell you some stuff u might not want to hear, but its my experience.

i was aro because i was lonely, and i was aro because i was scared. i knew i had feelings for girls, but i didnt know how to reconcile them, especially with my burgeoning gender qualms i was also having (which was also happening bc of the aforementioned attraction to girls, but thats another conversation entirely). it was scary, trying to pin down the fact that i was only attracted to girls. and i mightve come to that conclusion a lot sooner if it werent for tumblr telling me about asexuality/aromanticism/split attraction. suddenly i had a copout. cant be attracted to girls if im attracted to no one, right? that plus the fact that when youre lonely and havent experimented with dating, when everything is in hypotheticals, then anything is possible (“well i guess i COULD be attracted to men... but id never have sex with them! so i guess im panro-ace” <-an actual identity i had at age 19. comp het feeds on these micro labels and split attraction)

please keep in mind none of this is directed at you or even aromantics as a whole, im still just talking about my own experience. and my experience was that the aroace label was definitely just a convenient place to hide from being a lesbian. and i know others have had similar experiences.

so...once again. how DO i feel about aromantics? i feel as though we live in a very romance-forward world. romance is everywhere, once youre looking for it. i think i was rather bitter, and preferred pretending that not dating was an identity, rather than the painful reality of firstly not knowing what i wanted, and secondly not even knowing if id BE wanted. i think we all have varying degrees of attraction, both romantic and sexual, and i think for many the two kind of exist in tandem. and again for many, these feelings can exist a lot stronger for them than they do for others. so it leaves a lot of ppl feeling like they MUST be different. i think it makes a lot of sense that i identified strongly with aromanticism, even aside from me using it as something to hide behind. ive never really been much of a romantic. i never had too many crushes, and i only ever imagined romantic scenarios if it were fictional characters i shipped.

of course once i saw someone list these types of things out as evidence of being aro, i was like oh thats me! and latched onto it. and never did anymore introspection. the label was a copout. now, i could tell u that being aroace was a product of knowing i wasnt attracted to men yet not being able to face being attracted to women, so i was like “oh ok guess i have No attraction!” and i can tell u that since ive been with my girlfriend, ive become the sappiest romantic ever.

im not gonna tell you “you just havent found the right person yet :)” but i will say that if you have even the slightest doubt or uncertainty, to go out and experiment! date around and see how you feel. no one can tell you who u are or how u feel except u. u wont be a hypocrite for experimenting. but if youre already sure u dont really feel romantic attraction, then more power to you. not everyone on this earth needs to get married or date. i do think our society needs to normalize just being happy with who you are, and not see it as pitiful. thats an opinion that is so hard to have when youre single, bc u cant help but feel like youre pathetically trying to justify being alone, so im doubling down now that im in a relationship. its fucking ok to not be in a relationship!! if theres one thing that’s stayed the same since i was aro its my assertion that ppl need to fucking chill about orher peoples relationship status

i feel like this answer went in one THOUSAND different directions, but ive been thinking about how to answer this for a while and decided to just word vomit

TL;DR: aromantics are fine, not as harmful as asexuality, you do you, make sure you examime yourself and how you feel often, dont just take the word of ppl on tumblr (me included), everyone experiences attraction differently, i just wish split attraction model didnt exist because its perfectly fine to not want sex/romance or to have low/nonexistent attraction, i just dont believe in the labels/identities.

[eloqvents]

♡  ◟ °  ›   lucy boynton, female, she/her, twenty three   ⋯   ❛   thank you for applying to SEX AND THE TITTY, ELODIE MONET ! before we start this job interview, i would just like to go over a few questions. you said your best attribute was DEBONAIR, right ? well, word around town is that some people find you to be a bit more GUARDED… but, nevermind that. i’m actually more curious about whether you were actually caught DRUNKENLY SERENADING OUTSIDE OF YOUR EX’S HOUSE AT 3 AM last year ? oh, you were ? that’s unfortunate. on the bright side, i heard that you excel at COOKING …. so that’s cool ! now, one more question … your last manager said that you’re hiding THAT YOU PRETENDED TO GO TO REHAB TWO YEARS AGO BECAUSE YOU WERE PREGNANT, is that true ? — haha , just kidding ! they didn’t say that, i just read that about you online . anyway , you got the job ! ❜ 】 eri, pst, she/her. 

hello all ! it’s eri once again with another muse bc we just can’t get enough. anyway, please excuse how shitty this intro is going to be bc i am lacking sleep.

ok to start off, her parents are loaded so she’s very wealthy. original from la, her father was a well-known producer and her mother a stay at home mom. long story short, their marriage was a far cry from a happily ever after. growing up watching their parents fall apart, elodie and her brother latched onto each other and he remained her wall. it was painfully obvious however that their father favored the other, whether it be because he was the only son, or how musically and theatrically inclined he was... and she found herself thrown off to the side much like her mother, except a lot stricter rules set in place that she found herself easily breaking. curfew? forget it. no boys? she was sneaking them in all too often.... but even more easily having her girl “friends” over for sleepovers with no questions asked. she began resenting her father early on and it only grew the more rules, until finally she threw all caution to the wind and fell off the expected monet route.

by 15 she was known as the party girl. she did her school work most of the time, kept good enough grades to keep her parents off at least that aspect of her life. going out every weekend, never coming home on time or just refusing to answer her phone. she was a hellion, with no cares in the world, and she simply lived with no worries and absolutely no care or respect toward her parent's wishes. they virtually gave up on controlling their daughter by the time she was 17, clearly making her own choices and took no bother in chastising her as they knew their efforts would get them nowhere.

despite the dysfunction of the family, they did vacation to stone harbor every summer which had become some of elodie’s favorite memories of her younger years ( i would love any plot referencing her coming back every year and what not ok )

at 18 she had a choice. college, or follow her heart. new york was calling, as much fun as she had in la... it just wasn’t quite it. and new york was so exciting. the following summer she found herself back in stone harbor, unable to resist the tradition but instead opting to stay the summer..... except she never left. with all the fond memories she held in the place, and finally being far away from her family, she felt like she’d found herself. or at least the closest to home she’d ever had.

we gonna skip ahead to her getting pregnant three years ago, which is something she told no one (not even the potential father). the day she found out she was packing her bags and leaving stone harbor with no word, instead of leaving a note for her roommate ( plot wanted ) at the time, and sending out a group text explaining she had decided to go to rehab. it seemed like a good excuse, not a complete lie considering she did not touch any alcohol or substance during her pregnancy. she instead went and stayed with her aunt and uncle in london.

she went back and forth on what she wanted to do, spending her days swaying back and forth between keeping the baby and starting a fresh life or putting it up for adoption. but after a particularly painful depressive episode, she decided for the safety of both of them she had to give her baby girl up. this is when her aunt and uncle said they would take the baby in, not wanting to separate family, and it is a secret she’s kept in to this day.

coming back from rehab, she had changed. at first cold, extremely depressed, and she wanted to stay away from her prior addictions but within a few weeks she was right back into it. drinking nearly daily, taking whatever pills or drugs were offered, although she was much more cautious when it came to sex. becoming quite a bit pickier when it comes to men, however her love for women only seemed to grow.. likely due to the fact she could not get pregnant that way.

she’s had her ups and downs, about six months ago she came back from a few months at rehab once again after an especially harsh bender that landed her in the hospital. sobriety has continuously and still continues to be a struggle for her. she swore up and down that she wanted the help after begging her parents to pay ( not wanting to dip into her own hefty inheritance ) for her to go back, although within a month she found herself dabbling in other substances, occasionally taking a little too many of her medications at once, and having a drink, or two, or three....

while she was staying with her aunt in france, she spent a lot of time cooking with the elder woman and it became the most therapeutic thing to her... at least without getting high.. it’s become one of the only things that can genuinely distract her, although she does become a master chef when you add a little pot to the mix, but she hardly counts that against sobriety anyway.

personality-wise elodie doesn’t really hold back her opinion, and although she won’t go out of her way to avoid stepping on toes, she will try to make things as least confrontational as possible. in her opinion, life has shoved her around enough and she prefers to not allow anyone the excuse to do it too. but........ in those cases she will probably show her temper and make sure people know she isn’t going to be walked all over. she’s very upbeat, tries her hardest to be excited for life each day ( or pops an extra xanny if it’s a particularly hard day ). however.. her bad days are bad. if she’s down enough its nearly impossible to get her out of bed for anything other than a shower. some are harder than others, especially nearing the birthdate of her daughter delaney ( 2 currently ). 

a few more facts bc this is long uh: she writes a letter every day to her daughter and saves it in a special box kept secret in her room. she dabbles in poems and other types of prose, and has a goal of one day writing and illustrating her own childrens book in dedication to her daughter. she has a lot of money and could technically afford to not work, however she took a bartending job at sex and the titty for side cash and to send a monthly check to help support her daughter. and laaaaastly, she is kind of a hopeless romantic and loves romcoms way too much. she is 100% the type that believes very strongly in love but just ... sucks at it. she’s scared to commit herself but she’s also not afraid to shout from the rooftops ??? rn she’s trying to work on herself so 

oh and here is a playlist and pinterest for her even tho she wasn’t here for the task:)))

connection ideas ( plots page currently in progress )

an ex who she serenaded drunk at 3 am bc that rumor is definitely real

possible baby daddy

her old roommate that she bailed on, can be positive or negative

a best friend, like the blair and serena type ( minus all the fighting ... or not ) that can tell each other and count on the other for anything

exes in general, good, bad, ugly, any and all.

slow burn ??? or the one that got away ??? or maybe they just keep missing each other ???

maybe an enemy or someone she had a falling out with in the past

ANYONE SHE USD TO HANG OUT WITH IN THE SUMMER BEFORE ACTUALLY LIVING THERE. gimme them long term friendships / relationships

a good influence // the person who tries to help her not keep fucking her life up

alternatively .. the bad influence that encourages and participates in a lot of not so good activities with her

tbh i just want anything and everything so throw any ideas at me bc i’ll probably be in

listen i know i forgot like 239523852 things and rambled on too much but i just love her and could go on forever. 

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

20 - You’re Finally Mine

This chapters songs:

I Follow You; Melody's Echo Chamber

Hot Rod; Dayglow

My Jinji; Sunset Rollarcoaster

- Y. L. Perspective

I let out a low groan, attempting to stretch out my arms and legs. But when I touched Koshi's, I remember that we were latched onto each other. Throughout the night, I hadn't imagined that sleeping with him would be so peaceful. His gentle hands holding me against him, the way a simple hum would run vibrations throughout his chest, and best of all: being able to look at such a lovely face to wake up to.

He pays my back gently, followed by his gentle voice. "Y/n? Are you awake?"

I open my eyes slightly to peek at him. A very bright sun ray showered his grey hair and fair skin. "Hm? Yes, I am now." Shoving my face back into his chest, I sigh. "What time is it?"

"It's ten. I'm sorry for waking you, but Isao is wondering if you want breakfast," Koshi explains briefly.

I blink a few times to refresh my mind, nodding slightly. Was his brother serious about making our food? That was something I hadn't experienced in a while. I usually made things for myself or ate leftovers for breakfast.

After Koshi dismisses his little brother, he proceeded to pat my back as if I were falling back asleep. "How did you sleep? I hope I wasn't bothering you all night," he asks me.

"Pretty good. I was very comfortable." A smile appeared on my face without any effort. I trail my fingers across his collarbone under his t-shirt, thankful that my first night with Koshi was as calming as sleeping through the rain. "What about you?"

I was hoping that I hadn't kicked him or done something embarrassing while I was asleep. The risk was a high percentage, especially since I'd spent the night mostly laying on his chest.

But Koshi didn't say much. He only gave me a very warning smile and tightened his hands upon my waist, maneuvering closer towards me. Curious yet scared of what he would do, I grew frantic, feeling my face heat up while he did so. And finally, he closed his eyes, brushing his lips against mine, before kissing me gently.

My hands rushed up to his face as my shoulders stiffened. Such a sudden action made my heart beat out of its chest, I was sure he could hear it.

Unfortunately, he ended our kiss after a few seconds, pulling away from me slightly.

"So, I'm guessing that's a yes?" I manage to let out a few words in my tired voice. Koshi nods, sitting up from his spot.

That was the first time I'd woken up in his bed while lying next to him. And boy, did I cherish that moment as if it were impossible to forget.

-

"Good morning, Ms. L/n," Isao chimes as Koshi and I walk into the kitchen with our zombie-like behaviors.

Nonetheless, I smile at the boy, happy to be seeing his familiar face. I was beginning to grow on him and his playful personality. I bow and greet him a good morning as well, before Koshi bumps his hip into mine, laying a hand on my back. "Y/n, you don't have to bow every time you see them." He says to me, making me shoot up to stand straight.

"Uh, sorry! I guess it's just an impulse I do to people," I explain myself, followed by Isao's sweet laughter.

"That's alright! I was just about done," he says, placing a small piece of fish onto a pile of a couple of other pieces. Next to the grill pan was some white rice and a pot of miso soup.

The smell fills my nose and I begin to build up my appetite. "Oh, okay! Would you like me to get started on some tea?" I hurry to the other side of the kitchen and attempt to search for a pot. But of course, Koshi stands there with one in his large hands, grinning at me.

"You're our guest, Ms. L/n! Please, sit." Isao carries the plate of rice and fish to the table, accompanied by a few bowls of miso soup. I hadn't been welcomed with such a normal morning breakfast in so long. Not even my friends' parents treated me like this. But mostly because we were all family to each other.

I could only hope that I didn't look too bad. I had changed into some pajama pants and a smaller shirt so I wouldn't look like a homeless man walking around such a nice house. But freshening up my hair, breath, and face could only do so much. As for Koshi, he still looked as beautiful as ever in the mornings.

I make myself comfortable in the same chair I'd say in the previous night, waiting for Koshi and Isao to join me. After they did, I said my thanks, and we began to eat our breakfast.

To my surprise, Isao wasn't half bad at making food. In fact, it was very delicious. Mostly because I hadn't had such a good breakfast meal in what felt like a million years.

"So!" Isao cleared his throat with a gulp of green tea.

"How did you love birds sleep?"

The boy clapped his hands enthusiastically. The nickname made me cringe on the inside, but I simply chuckled lightly and shrugged my shoulders. "Pretty good. You guys have such a lovely home," I comment, replied with a nod from Isao.

"Yeah, yeah. So your band; are you guys popular and all? Sorry, I know that probably isn't what you might want to talk about, but I'm interested in Koshi's new girlfriend," he says, followed by one of Koshi's passive-aggressive throat clearings.

I eye both of them, smiling awkwardly while swallowing my food. "Uhm, it's okay. We're fairly known by a few people at school and some family. Our discography is small since we mostly produce covers or requests we receive from our amount of fans."

It was obvious that Isao was very excited about having a musician in his house. I was only worried that Koshi would grow tired of talking about music. So, I take the wheel of questions and begin my mission to find out more about his family.

"What about you? Are you interested in any sports or art hobbies?" I ask, wiping my hands on one of the small towelettes he gave me earlier.

Isao nods. "Kind of! I like messing around with the drums now and then. But I mostly did a lot of volleyball back in middle school."

I hadn't thought about how old Isao might have been. Curious, I ask, "wait—how old are you? I didn't know you were in high school."

Little did I know that it wasn't something Koshi and Isao weren't up to talk about that subject, for they glanced at each other with surprised looks. "Uh...I should be starting in-person high school after the summer break. Right now, I've been doing homeschooling."

"Oh..that must be nice!" I attempt to lighten the mood a bit. "Are you excited? You get to experience a lot of new and fun things in high school. I'm positive you'll find something you like. Do you plan on going to Karasuno or...?"

"Yeah, I do. I only wish Koshi could have been a second year so we could be closer together!"

The mentioned man coughs while drinking his tea, wiping it soon after. "Uhm, don't worry. I have a couple of people who'll be looking out for you." I assumed he was talking about the volleyball team. Isao would no doubt fit in with those guys.

"You said that you're going to the states after graduation. Is that true?" The sudden question makes both Koshi and me choke on our rice. The only time that I would ever discuss the matter was with my friends. I was always afraid that talking about it in front of him would cause problems between us.

Noticing I grew uncomfortable, Koshi interrupts with yet another question. "Would you like to come with me to Y/n's concert? It's not much of a concert...more of a competition for bands. But if it's okay with her, I could take you with me. I know we'd both love to see her perform live, right?"

Isao practically jumps at the statement. "Wow—really?! Of course! Can we go, Ms. L/n?" He looks at me with big puppy eyes in excitement. How could I have said no?

Proud, I nod to the boy. "Sure thing. But you've gotta be careful in the crowds. There will be lots of people there."

The rest of breakfast was used as a way for Isao and I to get to know each other. Though they came from the same mother and father, Koshi and he were two very different people. It could have been that they got different types of acknowledgment from their parents, or they coped with their mother in different ways. He sure seemed like a rowdy boy. Very charismatic, curious, and a top-notch smart ass.

Koshi and I helped tidy up the kitchen, he notified us he would be going over to a friend's house. I was only to assume that this friend was like family to him, for Koshi dismissed him as if it were nothing. After that, we decided to begin getting ready for the training camp.

-

A/n: If you come across messages from the guys that sound cringe it's only because I'm trying to make them sound realistic aka what they would actually text like😭

Crow crew

Daichi

Hope everyone is heading to the gym soon

Let's try not to give Takeda a hard time this weekend. He's been treating us very kindly these past few weeks.

Tanaka

Yeah man he got us a really cool new manager

haha thanks

Asahi

Who's ####

Tanaka

I just said

Really cool new manager

Aka Sugas gf

Koshi

Istg

Noya

R u serious my brother😕

So you just take every girl you see now

Asahi

Suga didn't tell me that:0

Koshi

The way we haven't even been together for 24 hours and you somehow managed to figure it out

Tanaka

WAIT IT IS TRUE-

Daichi

This is literally supposed to be a group

chat meant for volleyball only

Leave Koshi's personal life alone and mind your own business guys

Noya

Don't be so uptight 🗣

Y/n I thought you liked me 💔

What about all that stuff you told me under the cherry blossom tree

Daichi

Noya oh my god

Asahi

Wow, this escalated!!

Daichi

Where are you guys, heading to the school hopefully?

Koshi

Y/n and I just left the house

Is Kiyoko there yet guys

Kiyoko

Almost :))

Meet me in the girl's locker room

Noya

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT

Tanaka

WH

What lmao

Tanaka

YOU SUMMONED HER

Noya

YEAH SHOW US YOUR WAYS DARK LORD

Bc I'm god( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ennoshita

Hey everyone

At the gym👌🏻

Yamaguchi

Good afternoon!!🌞

THE EMOJI WXBISJS

Yamaguchi

SHSHSHS

Tsukishima

it's gay

Noya

You're gay

Tsukishima

Wtf lmao no I'm not shut up

Tanaka

You've triggered something

Daichi

Stop it guys

Hinata

OMG I WOKE UP LATE

Koshi

Uhh

Try to get to the gym fast

Asahi

Hey you shouldn't text and drive

Tanaka

Especially when you got your girl in the passenger seat🤨

Koshi

Don't worry guys it's me

[image of you and Koshi in the car]

Kageyama

who's dirivng

Yamaguchi

Driving* and Koshi is obviously driving in the picture🙄

Kageyama

Im talk shout the training camp

Daichi

Takeda, he's taking his van like always

Hinata

CAN WE BRING SNACKS PLEASE???

Daichi

Yes but not to eat in the car bc I don't wanna cause Takeda any issues with having to clean it

###-###-####

That's fine with me!! Hinata can bring snacks( ◠‿◠ )

Is that Takeda Senseis number

Tanaka

Yes

Koshi

Pls try not to make a big deal of Y/n and I

Noya

Why wouldn't we💀

it's not even that huge + I'm sure you guys don't care that much

Tsukishima

Yeah I don't

Tanaka

Cmon noya that's one of kiyokos best friends we can't be mean😥

Noya

SHEEESH alr see you guys soon

—

- K. S. Perspective

"...are you telling me that she's coming with us?" I look at Daichi with a very serious face, afraid of what he would respond with.

I thought it was flattering that Eclair wanted to spend her afternoons at volleyball practice with the team. But was it appropriate to have her come with us to the weekend training camp?

Daichi sighed. "Well, she did ask Takeda and I beforehand and we didn't have it in us to tell her no. Besides, she is a big help to us. She's been doing a lot more than talk to the second years as of recently. Don't you think you're worrying too much about it? I'm sure she won't make a move on you again, especially now that you've got a girlfriend."

"She doesn't know that, dammit." I cross my arms and sink into my seat. I knew that she wouldn't take the news lightly when she found out. If I were lucky, she would last her entire stay in Japan without knowing.

He sighs again, adjusting himself in the seat. "Koushi, just fall asleep. We'll be there in only an hour."

It didn't hurt me that Daichi didn't want to talk about Eclair. She was draining, after all. I prayed that she wouldn't be causing issues during this weekend. The last thing I needed was another inconvenience.

Instead of sitting with Kiyoko the way she usually did, she had to sit alone. Eclair insisted she take her spot next to Kiyoko, but Y/n didn't want to make a big deal of it.

As the bus began driving off into the evening, I look over to the girl, observing her tired eyes as they wander over the valleys outside. Did she mind being alone? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I wanted more than anything to sneak over to her seat when no one was looking. To have her head rest nicely on my shoulder.

'Would anyone even notice if I were gone?' I think to myself, checking if my best friend was still awake. Sure enough, he was dozing off against the window, giving me an open spot to sneak up next to her.

Careful not to be noticed by Takeda or any other volleyball members, I crouch over to the seat in front of mine. Y/n looks over in a flash, taking both her earphones out. "Kou, what are you doing? Are you allowed to sit next to me?" She whispers to me before the two of us lock eyes.

"I have no clue, but you look tired," I say to her as she closes her eyes and smiles gently. The orange-colored sunlight showered down on her beautiful features, making my heart melt right there in the moment. Desperate to feel her, I bump her head with my shoulder, offering her a personal pillow. She happily accepts and fits right between my left collar bone, making me beam with joy. I pay close attention to her small flinch when I began to ever so gently squeeze her thigh lovingly. Dear Y/n was finally all mine and no one else's, finally. Of course, I knew she belonged to herself and had personal boundaries that I wouldn't dare cross. She was an independent and reluctant girl after all. But my girl. One I would love forever and ever.

-

Yes I still added fluff at the end what abt it😾

Ily pls note and comment I read every single comment you guys give me and it makes me seriously so happy

- estrxlar

[misterbitches]

here’s what confuses me. we are on a public platform and people are posting things, tagging them, and even just perusing. ostensibly to be heard and get engagement. that’s how the internet works and what it encourages. so when people put something out there especially when they make it localized (? is that a right word) for access, why is the critique or response, even if it’s unfavorable, now a problem? we put it out there and it exists, if someone stumbles upon it why wouldn’t they engage? otherwise, why bother with all this output? i mean not many people read my posts but it’s a good thing for me to have them because what i do write it helps me understand the world better and something mainstream in ways it could be better and what could be done to get away from it. helping understand the context and history of the problems i am seeing on screen in many diff ways. but i do make it seen for a reason. i have drafts or posts privately that are just for me that i don’t think others should see so that means i do not want that engagement and i am closing it off. 

it isn’t like people can’t see it and respond if they so choose  bc this is basically a tacit agreement of having this in public. so if you have an opinion and someone disagrees why would that be hard for you if you are the one who put it out there? we know how this website works and how the web works. do we just want to hear what we agree with or even just know? otherwise i wouldn’t know shit. even with my best friends we try and come to a form of understanding and get on the same page or ask questions. i don’t get upset when they say, “no, because” or introduce a new perspective and this happens with the people i am closest to. so on a public place what else would we get? we allow ourselves to be seen...

i don’t think i have blocked anyone but i know people have blocked me and it has been for probably me being annoying but still fairly innocuous when i reply with a critique or make a joke. you take this risk posting it every time. but i dont want to block people because they could be of value at some point even if i want nothing to do with them. but every time it so happens that i say something even a little off from what this person wants—and it’s generally when i go into things in detail—they shut down from the perception that i am being hateful or accusatory or unfair? even when i try de-escalation tactics or being like “calm down” (not that explicitly) so these seem to be very emotional responses to not hearing exactly what we want and knowing there’s objection when there should be anyway. even if pieces are damn near perfect there’s still something. i find it very hard to believe that there’s intense pain enacted on others for liking “unsavory” things when the “unsavory” is the mainstream and it is necessary to uphold these things and for capital to continue to produce what it does. you’re not different when you accept it into your life either critically or uncritically because that is the norm. so when people are knocking the norms, tropes, whatever it’s like a shock every time and like someone is telling you not to enjoy it. but, again, we put this shit out there and want a response so it cannot be just what we want to hear. i hate that i hate the idea that wanting a  work to be better and seeing shit critically even as a leftist or whatever is oppressive and limiting other ppl when it is in no way the same or even on par with being silenced in general because of the garbage you find in a work. you will still be the minority and it will still be popular so there’s a false sense of superiority put onto others who disagree by the ones who feel “attacked” or like they can’t defend themselves or whatever. and who fucking says? if some random says so like oh well man. you cannot compare it to the real shit these fans do and the massive fanbases they have and the shunning they love to do then feel as if they are priority in feelings.

 they say everyone is sensitive and not able to think about things with nuance but it’s the opposite most times. you aren’t and when someone pops up with it or even says something offhanded cos they dont feel like having a huge discussion that is not the same as pushing others down. there is no majority saying this is wrong and we don’t want it; there’s a majority dedicated to defending it, their choices, and frankly the false sense of even light persecution. especially as adults but in fandom you’re not encouraged to act as a fully fleshed out person for a majority reasons and esp in a fandom that will skew younger. they are reliant on rabid fans or uncritical ones and i have demonstrated that constantly and given quotes etc. we should talk about discourse and what the private owes to the public, what the state owes its viewers, what artists owe the people tuning in. we should talk abou tfreedom of speech forreal and what that means but if we go deep into that you’ll unveil more things you dont’ like how people absolutely rally against this shit and want nothing to do with it. if you don’t want to think about that that is fine but it doesn’t mean others won’t say it.

idk like it may seem insensitive but i dont like the idea that a person pointing out things that are gross or micro or macro agrressive or what the fuck ever is the ruler over the discourse and how people interact with the work when frankly that just isn’t the case in the pattern of the work that people do and utilizing fans and using capital to defend yourself and recreate industry. you may not like to hear that it’s all bullshit but people will say so and it holds not even close to the same weight that the tacit agreement in indulging can sway  us towards not great perceptions. the harm of pointing things out, or being rude, or whatever is not the same as what fans will do to those people and the obfuscation of the real fucking issue. 

now it’s no longer about the problems in itself but the way people are receptive to the way others respond when they have a problem with the very real and prominent problem. now there’s no interest in engagement or even seeing people who may have more to say to it. if we think constantly about defending our right to like a work then the work takes ona life of its own and it latches on to your emotions even more it’s so fucking silly bc it’s like....this shit isnt for us anyway and if it’s gonna be here we should make it better and talk about it but it’s not about that it’s not about the rapes it’s not about the culture it’s about personal feelings which is why it becomes about how we talk about it as if things that ever skew to the left or focus on liberation would ever be the most popular. since when did saying this is fucking bullshit, this shit sucks, this real “crime” means nothing because it’s just entertainment yet you must find ways to defend your right to see that entertainment. it makes no sense no one is talking about that we’re talking about the ins-and-outs of storytelling and the toxicity and nature of these REAL PROBLEMS THAT ARE PROBLEMS SINCERE PROBLEMS as in there is no negotiation in wrong or right because it is wrong in every sense it’s what you do with that wrongness and what the fuck you want to say. it’s not about what i say about them being fucking shitty about the way they say it. dont focus on the way i dislike it focus on what the fuck im saying man bc this shit is disingenuous and it COMPLETELY eclipses the issues and attitudes and it lets these fucking idiots off the fucking hook for making straight up garbage like not even in a sociopolitical way just thoughtless drivel sometimes. like most times i dont even hate the villains in these shows or the men who are o dark and fucked up but we still got to like them it’s literally like “no nigga like why r u here tho?” what do u fucking add. you’re dead space and they let us know it’s dead space by saying “oh man isn’t life SOOOO complex dont think about it just think about him being a nice rapist okay guys even tho we are gong to do NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to establish fucking any of that” 

this is what people said for tharntype and it’s what they say about fucking everything whether it’s about gay shit or not. good example is the star wars fans with that guy and that girl or wahtever in that stupid racist franchise. just clamoring to make sure we know you’re good and that you’re okay for thinking that way when no one says you aren’t. but if something is presented then expect to get a fucking response especially abut what it is about at its fucking core. enough of the bullshit about misunderstanding and acknowledge it’s about your comfort in your interests and not having that questioned or antagonized in a way that may implicate you are a bit complicit but fucking all of us are as consumers. you arent hurt for having an opinion that seems to not go with the flow but is certainly part of the status quo. the world relies relies on harm, in a way it is reliant on rape, and that permeates through us and always takes precedent. additionally, again, this shit is mad patriarchal so it does a disservice to us as well as women cos it’s like. no man that’s born out of misogyny actually. what can we do? well, dont rely on the state. but if you dont rely on the state then will you make real money? not the money we’re talking here with the genre in itself. to me that means they dont have an interest in showing different types of lives they have a majority interest in showing “attractive” “conventional” men kissing and making bank.

[authorskookies]

so this is my first time ever requesting a prompt but i just got so excited knowing you're back i just had to; would you mind doing an enemies to lovers!au where kookie and jimin aren't as close as what fans are being led on and actually dislike each other but they have this sexual tension until it just breaks one day and BAM! hate sex but no one knows and slowly they fall for each other thru small gestures but w a lot of angst bc i like pain. omfg please and thank you !

Title: I Hate You (But I Really, Really Like You)Pairing: Jikook (Jimin/Jungkook)Word Count: 5,832Rating: NC 17Warnings/Notes: Mild sexual content (+ there’s a choking scene too).Summary: Jimin and Jungkook hate eachother, but Jimin can't really tell if this is what hate is supposed to feel like after a while. 

Jeon Jungkook.

The Golden Maknae.

Confident, talented, charming, lovable, innocent Golden Maknae Jungkook who makes all the Noonas' hearts swoon at every wink or smirk.

The Jeon Jungkook who gets nearly all the vocal lines in their songs, who receives all of the extra praise for doing things that the other members are doing just as well if not better.

All because he's just. So. Perfect.

He's the Golden Maknae, they say!

Well he's a little shit, Jimin thinks.

Park Jimin is not a fan of Jeon Jungkook. He can't stand the brat, the way he looks at everyone as though he's innocent and playful, childish and fun loving, just sheepish and hard working like a good kid his age would be. Well Jimin knows he isn't, he knows what lies beneath that facade, the narcissistic, sarcastic, cocky son of a bitch that Jeon Jungkook really is. 

But alas, the mask is way too convincing to the rest. Everyone just gives him a pat on the back for it, Jin even gets motherly over him; that seriously pisses Jimin off actually, because Jungkook is not a baby and he shouldn't get that goddamn special treatment. What was so great about him? That he could sing? Couldn't they all? That he could dance? Jimin could dance entire routines while circling around that show off. That he had a baby face and cute bunny teeth?

Oh, because visual members are so hard to come by in a world of idols and thousands of trainees with faces just as pretty.

"You're doing the entire routine wrong, your feet are getting too sloppy and that's gonna mess us all up." 

"Oh? And what, you're doing any better? Your half-assed body rolls are stiffer than Namjoon hyung's were back when we were trainees." 

"You know you're talking a lot for someone who's usually too busy sucking PD-nim's dick." It's a low blow, and Jimin knows it but he doesn't back down at all, he's been holding it in for a while, how obvious it was that Jungkook was that much of a kiss up.

However it does more than just voice Jimin's annoyance on the topic of Jungkook receiving special treatment for his schmoozing. It throws more wood to the flame already growing inside the younger, definitely hitting a nerve. "Say that again, and I swear..."

"What, that you're a kiss ass? Sorry to break it to you, 'Golden Maknae', but some of us here actually gotta work to get noticed, instead of just winking and acting all young, cute and innocent."

"Work? Oh so flashing your abs at every chance you get is hard work, you think? But hey, that's what got you noticed huh? Why come at me for what got me noticed?" 

"I'm not... that's not even... Shut up, that's not the same. I work hard to get my body in shape and it's part of a routine we learn, I don't think that's the same as getting praised for shit that isn't even valid half the time. Oh look at that, Jungkook got out of bed! Wow! He's so grown up now, Kookie Oppa, stop growing up!! Ohhh!!"

At this point both boys are in each other's faces. They can definitely see the pure rage burning within the other with one meeting of gazes, both squinting as this little argument continues to roll on.

"You're just fucking jealous."

"Jealous?! Of what?! You're a little brat with way too much credit for what you actually do! I fucking hate people like you."

"Well you don't have to worry, that feeling sure is mutual, I hate you just as much; but then again, since I am the Golden Maknae, and obviously do evening better than you? I hate you more."

From an outsider's perspective, the two would resemble that of cat and dog, always at each other's throats, barking and hissing at every chance presented. Sometimes the others wish their practices were public, so that they would have to play nice again as part of their usual act. It would so be well worth the lack in privacy in Yoongi's opinion if he at least got some quiet when trying to work. Obviously trying to write lyrics here wasn't a smart idea.

"Are they still fighting?" 

"Obviously, when are they not?" Yoongi gives Seokjin a look of annoyance, and the elder frowns, just holding out a hand to help him up, then looking to the others packing their things.

"Just leave them behind, they'll get tired and realize eventually. Unless you wanna hear this go on in the dorms." Namjoon offers, and no one makes any argument because they're all exhausted and really want sleep.

"I hate you," Jungkook pants out in between harsh, breathtaking kisses, tongues tangling and teeth present more than they should ever be in kisses. He thinks his lower lip is bleeding, but who gives a shit right now. "I fucking hate you so much." It's repeated over and over while Jimin presses him against the wall of the closet, the younger latched onto him tightly. 

Jimin can feel nails pressing into his back, digging even deeper every time he thrusts into Jungkook, like the kid is trying to make him feel just as much pain, like he's punishing him for not properly using lubricant. Hey, it's not exactly like he planned this to carry that around with him or anything!

It's such a small area, too, it doesn't give the elder much wiggle room, they're on the floor and Jimin's on his knees in between Jungkook's bent legs, Jungkook's got his back pressed to the wall and by some miracle they manage to fit this way. It's not in any way perfect, no, the Maknae sure as hell isn't going to shut up about the fact that his shoulder blades keep hitting the wall the faster Jimin goes, that his voice isn't going to be on its usually perfect pitch because Jimin's making him moan too goddamn loud. 

But maybe that's what he wants, to piss the younger off like this. 

Especially when things get even more heated, when the entire closet is just full of their exhaled breathing and they can only hear each other's panting and moaning, hissing and cursing. When Jimin can feel the younger unravel near his peak, even the older male feels like his body is going to give out, sweat coating his skin and more than likely Jungkook's as well.  

Nails pull out of his skin, and instead of inflicting such pain on Jimin's back Jungkook just wraps his arms around his shoulders, gripping him close and tight as he reaches climax and it's probably the most beautiful sound that Jimin's ever heard. Not that he'll ever say such a thing, but it's definitely something to think about in the small time they both take to calm down from their high.This isn't how it's supposed to be. They're supposed to hate each other, he knows; well, technically, they're supposed to love each other as group mates of course, but in reality they hate each other, although behind that, they don't...? It's all just so confusing to Jimin, it's like going in blind to what used to be a clear pathway, now dark and foggy, much resembling the hazy lines between I hate you and harder, Jimin, harder.

Which is what Jimin heard, over, and over again. It's not new to him that Jungkook is vocal, they've been at this little unspoken agreement for a while, but Jimin doesn't like to be told what to do... At least not by those younger than him. Especially not by Jeon Jungkook. 

"Jimin, go sit in between Taehyung and Jungkook."

"Why?"

"The fans will like it, they like the Maknae line, just do it. Hey, stop looking like that, look alive boys! Turn on the charm, especially you Jimin." Their manager warns, pointing at the shorter boy, who just groans at the thought, going over to sit as directed, not understanding why he has to be here, why he of all people was cursed with the task of "loving Jeon Jungkookie" for the rest of his on-camera career. God he wonders what would happen one day if the cameras figured out what they really thought of each other--at least Jungnkook got it easy, he can at least shove him away and show that he doesn't like it playfully as a rejection. Jimin's stuck playing the lovesick monkey here.

"Hello we are Bangtan Sonyeondan!" The others chirp at the camera and Jimin realizes a bit too late, but smiles none the less, hopping into the conversation and listening to the others speak. 

The entire interview goes by rather slowly, in Jimin's opinion. It's supposed to be shorter than what they're used to, however the fact that he's bored out of his mind doesn't help he time pass by. Most questions were reserved for Namjoon or even Yoongi about the album, a few for Taehyung for comic relief. It's only when they mention Jungkook that Jimin realizes his only real purpose in being here.

Ah, of course. As always. Make the little shit look good.

"I would rank myself very low--"

"Aigooo our Jungkookie, so modest. He's so shy, really these kids these days. We all know he's so perfect at everything. What can't he do?" Forced smiles are so much easier to come by when you have other humorous thoughts in your head, and that wasn't very difficult for Jimin because his entire presence here was a joke in his opinion. His only way to chime in was praise the maknae, and of course, he'd do it well. Like told. "You know he's even taken up his hand at writing, too, he's been helping Yoongi Hyung in the studio lately, with our last Outro, tell them all about it Jungkookie." 

Bullshit, Jimin thinks to himself as Yoongi joins Jungkook in talking about the song he had a hand in writing. Big deal, it wasn't as if he'd put in as much work as Yoongi did, or as Namjoon, or as anyone involved in composing their music. But of course, the Golden Maknae touches a piece of paper and suddenly it goes platinum. 

Jimin's never felt so good hurting someone. It sounds sadistic, but the way his fingers curl around Jungkook's neck while his palm keeps him pinned against the bed, it feels so incredible. Not just the fact that he's pretty much choking Jungkook... But the noises Jungkook makes, they're not that of serious pain or cries for help. They're... Encouraging. 

Jungkook's enjoying it. His own nails are digging into Jimin's forearm, barely open eyes gazing at the elder as lips remain parted to try and grasp any form of oxygen. 

Never in his entire career did Jimin think he would ever fuck, and partially choke, Jeon Jungkook.  

"J...Jimin..." Hoarse voice brigs him out of his thoughts, loosening tight grip from around the younger's neck a little as he realizes the double tap to his forearm, signaling that he was getting lightheaded. His thrusts are slowed, and Jimin has to lean down to capture his lips... Not because he wants to, but because he needs to make sure he's responsive and well, not actually passing out. That's all. It has nothing to do with the way Jungkook's sweet lips taste or how delicately soft they still manage to be even after Jimin's spent their time together biting and sucking and nipping at them; they should be outright mangled and split at this point, but of course, Jungkook's just so goddamn perfect that even laws of logic don't apply to him. The only sign of imperfection when pulling away is the slight swell in his lips, looking even more so as they part to pant out for air, the flush in his cheeks evident at their eyes meet momentarily. Imperfection never looked so perfect. And that pisses him off.

Thrusts pick up new found speed, elder releasing Jungkook's neck and growling lowly as he grips at the bedsheets along his sides. Jungkook whines out, back arching as the bed creaks in ways they both know would be heard so easily had the other members been home... But they weren't. And as always, whenever left alone, Jimin and Jungkook either resulted to arguing, or fucking.

It's become more the latter as of late. And that makes Jimin nervous.

Because when he used to look down at Jungkook like this, he wouldn't feel an ounce of regret, his marks would be angry and red and he'd find pride in pissing Jungkook off, they'd curse and shout and Jimin would want nothing more than to make him feel true pain. But now... Now he was having difficulty leaving marks dark enough to last anymore. His skin was soft, fair, it was too per... No, he was not going to result to calling Jeon Jungkook perfect after so long of hating the kid.

When he used to look down at Jungkook, he'd know this was just for the sake of release. 

When he looks down at Jungkook now... He finds himself watching the younger, coaxing him into release as well, pleasing him before himself―

Shit.

"I have a problem." Jimin blurts out upon entering the room, causing the other presence within it to glance up to him. He has a seat next to Taehyung, who's set aside his phone to give him the attention requested and Jimin takes a moment to make sure no one else is around. "Is this a Jungkook problem?"

The question has his heart stutter several beats, because for a moment he thinks Taehyung has found him out― but how, so easily?! "I mean if you guys got in another fight leave me out of it man." Relief washes over Jimin, figuring that of course, Taehyung hadn't meant it the way he thought. "No, no... I wouldn't come to you with a problem about our fights... Again."

Taehyung chuckles, thankful because as the mutual friend, he hated having to take sides which was often a desired result between those conversations. "Girl problem?"

"Yeah, let's go with that..." Jimin licks his lips. "How do you know when one emotion ends and one begins?"

"I'm not sure I'm following?"

"I mean... Like, let's say I'm not sure how to feel about this girl. Because I thought I felt one thing, but now I'm feeling another. Does that make sense?"

Taehyung's eye brows are furrowed by the time Jimin finishes his explanation, but nonetheless he nods. "I think... So you're saying your feelings are changing? Well that's normal, isn't it? As time goes on, a relationship has to develop. Things change over time."

"What if I don't want them to change?"

"Then don't let them? I don't know, Jimin, these are your feelings so control them somehow. You have the power to do that you know."

No, he really doesn't. 

He thanks Taehyung, despite not finding any of this helpful... He just hopes his friend won't go mouthing off that Jimin has some girlfriend or is in love or something dramatic like that.

"Your voice is scratchy. It's ruining our harmonies." Jungkook complains while he and Jimin are supposed to be recording, but alas being sent into a small booth alone was not a smart idea, as Yoongi and Namjoon were soon to find out upon trying to get them to harmonize for the past half hour. "Can you two just try again? Christ, if one of you cuts it off one more time I swear I will fucking lock you in there for the night." Yoongi growls, and it's no surprise because their bickering really has been driving him crazy today.

"It's not my fault! He's the one who keeps stopping!" Jimin snaps, pointing at Jungkook before the younger shoves him. "Bullshit! You keep hitting the wrong note and ruining everything!"

"For fucks sake, just do it, I'm the one who says cut and determines whether or not it's wrong. Got it?" The eldest cocks a brow and starts the track again, waiting for the two to at least try to cooperate this time.

Both decide to suck it up, ignoring the others presence as they sang and this time when Yoongi cuts the track, it isn't due to their bickering, it's actually constructive this time. "You don't sound like you wanna sing together."

"What else is new." 

Yoongi's one more smart remark away from back handing this brat.

"I mean, your voices aren't in sync. The point of harmonizing is so that your voices sound smooth together, not like individual recordings forced into the backing vocals of a track." He sighs, playing back the recording; it wasn't terrible, both of their voices fit nicely with the song, but individually, not as a whole. "Maybe I should... Get someone else to pair with one of you. Or just get two others completely. Tae's voice might work..."

"What? No! No no, we're sorry, Hyung let us try again! Please. We'll work harder!" Jungkook immediately starts, not wanting to possibly lose his part. Of course Yoongi doesn't need that much convincing, because Jungkook's begging can get to anyone, and Jimin takes obvious notice of this... Why doesn't he hate it like he usually would? Probably because Jungkook is saving their asses. Yeah, that's it. It has nothing to do with how he pouts out his lower lip and pleads for another chance, or the fact that he squeezes Jimin's shoulder like he's trying to prove further to Yoongi that they'd 'play nice'. 

This time goes a lot more smoothly. Instead of ignoring each other's existence... They worked together? It's a little off, but it's a start. 

He's hard.

Plain and simple. 

Usually it should've been easy to handle this... Usually Jimin could've just gotten himself off, or better yet had another rough session with Jungkook because he's always up for it... But oddly enough his time he doesn't want to seek out Jungkook. Lately he's been avoiding it, which is odd, but after that last session with those... Feelings... He fears the possibility of it happening again. He doesn't know what that feeling is, and he doesn't want to, he hates Jungkook. Hates him. That's it.

Speak of the devil, and Jeon Jungkook shall come. Said teen makes his way into the dorm, probably coming back from the dance studio of course with his attire all athletic and sweaty. "Has anyone showered yet?" He asks, kicking off his shoes and praying that the answer was no, that there was still some hot water left. "Uhh... I think Jin hyung might be showering." He mutters, shifting a bit and holding one of the couch cushions in a way that would cover his crotch, pretending to focus on the television. 

Jungkook groans, hearing the shower in fact running and this meant there would be at least another fifteen minutes to wait. "Are those my shorts?" He asks suddenly, and Jimin's brows raise, shocked he would even dare accuse him. "They are not!" Without thinking he yanks the pillow off, getting up to show the obvious white stripe at the top hem that Jungkook's didn't have. 

If only he'd realized the small smirk on the younger's lips earlier. The little shit tricked him. "Made you get up." He's getting way too cocky for Jimin's taste, and he scoffs. "Okay, fine, what? You're acting like you've never been fucking hard before. Which I've sure as hell witnessed, thank you very much."

"I didn't say anything actually, but nice save." Jungkook slips his hoodie off and tosses it aside, leaving him in his loose tank top. He doesn't hesitate to go over to Jimin, shoving him back to lay on the couch, and before they knew it the younger was crawling into the space between Jimin's legs. The elder leans up on his elbows immediately, and while usually... He should've just let this happen, he didn't. "Yah, what are you doing..." He mutters as his zipper is tugged down, reaching down to grab at Jungkook's hair to pull his teeth away from the hemline of his boxers, forced to look up at him in a quite irritated manner. "The fuck does it look like?" The younger asked as if it was clear (which, it kind of was).

"Well don't."

That's different. Jungkook gives him a weird look, not moving still. "Since when do you say no to getting off?"

"Since when do you offer so easy?" 

Well that shut him up. Well played. The younger decides it isn't worth it, he's tired and he sure as hell isn't in the mood to argue more than they already do, so he gets up. He shoves Jimin's thighs so he could move his legs to allow Jungkook off, and he grabs his hoodie on the way out. "Fine, get off your self, asshole."

The moment he's gone, and Jimin knows it because he can hear Jungkook slam his bedroom door, Jimin drops back against the cushion of the couch, letting out a large groan as he palms his face. What was wrong with him, they had a good system, and here he was fucking it up.

"You want some?" Jimin offers from his yogurt, holding out the container with the spoon still in it. Jungkook pauses and glances up from his phone, half expecting maybe Taehyung or Hoseok to be sitting next to him and be the ones Jimin was really talking to. But no, it was him.

"What'd you do, poison it?"

"What? No―I'm offering you some yogurt, damn."

"You're acting weird. I don't know what it is but I swear, if you're up to something, and before our comeback..."

"I was just being nice!" He snaps, groaning and slapping the container back down onto the counter, before storming out. Jungkook frowns, watching him go in confusion because what the hell was that?

"Jimin it's me, open up—"

"For the millionth time, use your goddamn honorifics, I'm older than you." He grumbles once he's opened the door to see the other standing out in the hall, rolling his eyes at Jimin's words. "Fine, Jimin hyung, get me off."

"Excuse me?" Jimin snaps in hushed tone, in case any of the others were listening in; Jungkook knew better than to say anything about their activities out loud like that, so he must've been sure no one was around before having come to him. "I haven't properly gotten off in like a week, and neither have you so if you'd kindly let me in and get it over with I'd like to get back to my room before the other's get home." Jungkook states nonchalantly, crossing his arms as he waits for the other to decide; he doesn't expect to be turned away, after all Jimin never turned him away and the younger's pretty sure it's just because they're both hormonal and need a release somehow and being so busy with work it's just easier. Well that's what he tells himself, too.

Jimin takes a moment to look back and forth in the hallway, just to make sure no one was around before pushing the door to his room wider to allow the other in. Part of him thinks he shouldn't go along with this again, because of the feelings he's been having, but after having to get himself off last incident when pushing Jungkook away on the couch, he really can't compare his hand to the younger and he's had to figure it out the hard way.

"First of all, what makes you say I haven't properly gotten any? Who says you're the only one I'm fucking?"

Jungkook gives him a look that wreaks of smugness, holding back a snort at the comment over how ridiculous he found it. "Right." 

What a pain, Jimin thinks, and doesn't comment further because he really can't think of anything else to help his nonexistent case since Jungkook is right. He won't let him know that, though.

By the time Jimin locks the door, the maknae is already tugging off his t shirt.

Things go how they always do. Tongues tangle and skin presses against skin, and suddenly the air around them starts to thin out rapidly in Jimin's opinion. He needs to breathe. It's unfortunate that the moment his lips are free, they let out more than just exhalation. He doesn't know what causes it to happen, but it just happens.

"I like you."

"What?"

What started out as harsh kisses and playful tugs has now turned into a tense atmosphere and silence.

"I can't do this because I like you now. It's hard because I want to fucking hate you but the more I do this the more I really fucking like you."

Jungkook's stares in bewilderment, not having expected that answer at all. He knew there was something going on, something that was messing with their usual system but he never would've thought of this as a possibility.

Without a word the younger pulling away completely to reach for his clothes, picking them up rather awkwardly before just carrying them in a bundle over to the door to leave in his underwear. He didn't care if the others were to see him that way, he just needed to get out of this room now.

And with that, Jimin stood alone in the middle of his room, eyes closing before palming his face and groaning a quiet 'fuck' into his palm.

They haven't spoken for days. 

Not like they used to gab like best friends before, but their bickering took up a lot of the conversations had in the practice rooms and even at home. Now, though, it's almost always silent. And that's unusual for the group.

Don't get them wrong, they've been begging the two to shut up and stop fighting for years now, but now that it's actually happened and they have the peace to get their own words in... it's almost awkward to try. They're used to having to yell over the two to talk to each other. They're also not used to them just looking mopey and or tense like they were, something was clearly wrong and they could all tell.

"Hey, you okay, Kookie? You haven't been seeming yourself lately." Taehyung starts, using a rag to wipe the sweat off of his forehead after a long choreography practice. Jungkook hadn't given any input the entire time, even when Hoseok was instructing him, which is usually when he liked to give ideas to the elder. "I'm fine... Sorry, I guess I just haven't been very up to talking lately."

"I noticed, you're so quiet, it's even got Jiminnie quieter... you two haven't even been fighting lately, how weird." He wrinkles his nose as Jungkook flinches at the name, not wanting to think about it.

"Right, weird..." Forcing a small laugh, Jungkook picks up the bag that he's finally finished loading up.

"Just try your best to hit the note, you've done it before, Jungkook. Stop acting modest all of a sudden." One of their producers tries to get through to him, sighing when the younger frowns and tugs off the headphones from where he stood i side the booth. Yoongi sits up in the chair near the man, raising a brow at Jungkook through the glass. "You alright there Jungkook?"

"I don't think I can get it, can one of the others do it?" He pleads, earning a shocked look from both Yoongi and their producer hyung. It's uncharacteristic of Jungkook to just give up or say no to a challenge at all, and here he was giving his solo away?

So, Yoongi spoke up. "Jungkook this was written with your voice in mind. What is going on with you?" 

Flinching, Jungkook just shakes his head and sets down the headphones, making his way out of the booth and bowing his head apologetically. "Just tell Jimin hyung to do it or something." And with that, he takes his leave, confusing the man and making Yoongi even more so.

"You need to talk to Jungkook."

Well, that's one way to say hello, Jimin figures as Namjoon takes a seat on the couch across from him, the others joining them in the living room like some kind of intervention. "Excuse me?" 

"You two haven't spoken in almost two weeks." 

"Aren't you the ones who always used to tell us to keep it quiet or stop fighting?"

"Yeah because it's annoying. But now he's barely managing his vocals, his focus is all over the place, he won't even look at the interviewers—he's a mess over it.""I'm sorry, I didn't catch how this was my fault? You guys are seriously blaming me over him acting weird?""Oh for fucks sake, Jimin we know you two are fucking!" Yoongi snaps finally, and Jimin tenses up, cheeks flushed as he looks between the others to see that they'd all pretty much agreed. "You guys aren't very subtle..." Seokjin offers apologetically, before Jimin clears his throat and looks away to try and avoid any awkward eye contact with Taehyung especially; he wonders if the other knew when they had that conversation a while back. "Were not judging you, I mean we've kind of respected your privacy for the past few months..." Months, they've known for months?! "but what ever happened, you need to fix. It's messing with the group."

Jimin thinks he's going to be sick. All of his hyungs, in the same room, talking about him and Jungkook's sex life like they've known all along. It was the most awkward encounter he'd ever had. 

However they do have a point. If it was messing with the group, something needed to be done, but...

"I don't know what to do. I don't know where anything went wrong." Yes he does. He had to open his big mouth and let out his feelings. He couldn't just accept what they had that was good.

Taehyung has an idea.

"Let's take a walk."

Jimin and Taehyung's walk doesn't end up being what Jimin thought it would be. He expected them to have a long, dramatic talk about how he didn't tell Taehyung and why he kept this from him, maybe even explaining the relationship itself. But no, instead they just... walked. Like they normally did, sharing stories in what they did that day, how Tae was hungry, etc. It almost calmed his nerves, even.

Until they reach their destination; the company building. Jimin's not sure what to make of it, but he follows the other in without asking why they're there or where they're going. 

The practice room is where Taehyung stops, opening the door for the elder to go in first, and he does, expecting the other to follow him although all he hears is the click of the door shutting and locking. Spinning around immediately, Jimin starts to knock at the door, shouting "Taehyung!" and asking what he was doing, until the younger responded with "I'm sorry Jiminnie, hyung's orders! You two need to make up! Call me when you have, I'll be back later!" 

And that's when Jimin realizes why he's here, and that he's not alone.

"Uh, did Tae just lock you in here?" He hears Jungkook ask from the other side of the room, in his sweats, clearly looking like he'd been practicing and probably confused as to why he was interrupted. Jimin awkwardly nods, watching the look of confusion on the other's face.

As it turns out, Jungkook's grown a bit more calm over the past few days. Who knew that when they weren't arguing, they could actually have a normal conversation. Jimin's slowly starting to realize it as they talk about what Jungkook's day was like (after coming to terms with the fact that they were stuck in there, of course, and were just sat down in need of something to pass the time).

"... So yeah. I've just been here all day I guess, I mean the others didn't shove me in here like you, but... Why'd they do that again?"

"They think we need to make up."

"Hasn't that been a concern for years? Why this now?" Jungkook laughs, wondering just why they would do this now if they were barely even arguing anymore. They were barely speaking, even.

Jimin is quiet for a moment, deciding to finally bring up what they probably should have for a while now. "No, they mean recently. How we stopped talking. And stopped, well..." Pausing for a moment, he can see the look of confusion in Jungkook's expression and decides to just be honest. "They know about us. Well sort of. They want us to make up in that sense."

"They want us to have sex?"

"Jungkook." The elder gives him an annoyed look because he knows he's not taking it seriously, and Jungkook shrugs awkwardly after trying to humor the topic considering he knew this was going down a path he would soon find uncomfortable and nerve wracking. "They kept telling me that you're like, acting weird and not acting like yourself and just... why? What's going on with you? If it's because of what I said then just forget about it because I know it was messed up to say. We're not like that, we can just go back to how things are, I swear."

"What if I don't want that?"

"What, you don't want to fight everyday and act like a smart ass?" Jimin mocks, watching the younger roll his eyes. 

"I get tired of fighting sometimes."

"Then why have we been doing it for years?"

"I don't... know. I'm competitive. And when you rile me up, I just do it back to you. I didn't know how else to react and it just kept going back and forth. How would you act when hearing someone say they hate people like you?"

"I didn't mean... I... But you—"

"I said it back because you said it first. Not because I wanted to." Frowning awkwardly, Jungkook shuffles back against the wall and hugs his legs. Jimin stares at him, almost speechless. "I don't hate you. I never hated you, I actually liked you a lot—" At that the younger stops talking, growing sheepish and looking up at the ceiling to avoid having to look at the boy sitting in front of him.

Jimin doesn't need to hear it twice. Something comes over him, and the next thing he knows, he's leaning over to press his lips against Jungkook's. The younger doesn't pull away, instead closing his eyes and just accepting the soft, plump lips against his own and for once, not trying so hard to compete for some kind of dominance in something that wasn't even a competition like they'd done so many times before.

For once it feels nice, to not have to fight him over something. 

"I want to hate you, but I really... really like you."