#- so ive got a target on my back and then i hear about THIS bullshit and now i need to fucking hit something or im going to die

[fabulouslygaybean]

apparently someone in my fucking gsa is a racist cunt who keeps creeping on my little sister. this is the final straw i think

[mydogtypedthis]

i know this probably wont reach any sort of audience but i need to type it out anyway.

I have a situation with a friend that ive had for about 11 years now. we have loose contact and different friend groups, but hang out occasionally in group settings like parties or camps. im calling her boople for the purpose of this xoxo

the thing is her friendship group sucks balls and ass. they are a gaggle of cunts, completely wretched morons who act like 5-year-olds and do not truly care a shit for her. ive never made my thoughts on that clear to her because she's a big girl and can pick her own friends. i have no place to put those comments but my own thoughts and maybe venting to the internet ok 🤫. its just that shes such a lovely person and im worried a bit of a pushover for such assholes. shes a perfect target, especially because they see her as 'childish'.

she makes a big thing of her birthday every year, as, growing up, her mother was known for throwing these amazing parties that were so extra and megaslay (i remember an alice in wonderland one where they got their neighbours in as actors for characters in little storylines from the book. there was so much amazing food. croquet. i came home with the party playlist on a cd and an alice in wonderland necklace). boople loves her birthday and i think its wonderful, she does throw great parties. the last couple years, ive had the pleasure of hearing some of these friend's thoughts over her planning. theyve mostly been about how childish it is to have games at a party or a theme, and how she needs to grow up and do something fun for once. i have my own thoughts and plans about them for that 🤪🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨

anyway.

this year, shes just taking some of her closest friends to have this really sweet fairy picnic in the local gardens. think raspberry lemonade in tea cups, sponge cake, big poofy dresses etc etc. shes been planning it and talking to her friends about it for months, who all agreed to go. let me tell you boople was ECSTATIC about this, she even got her mum to help her make these dresses (shes really clever with sewing and all). ive seen pictures of the dresses and they look amazing. pinterest board bullshit. off to the royal ball. boople was so happy with them, and she and her mother put so much into them. her birthday, and the party, are in a couple of weeks, everything is planned, coming together and looking gorgeous. except today, to-fucking-day, suddenly, her friends decide they are far too good for it. today.

after MONTHS of planning and discussion about it, they suddenly decide that they cant possibly fulfill this silly little dream for their 'best friend'. i understand if its not the sort of thing you would want to attend, but i dont understand cancelling after agreeing to it for months. i dont understand not doing this simple little thing to make your friend so happy and feel so special and loved. its so special to her? she was so excited about it? there was also no formal or kind declination, just a condescending "... so hey bestie... mm no" type of attitude. 🔪 🔪🔪🔪

so basically im sick and tired and i dont know what to do. ive watched these people berate and hurt her for years and today i watched them make her cry and come home early. shes been forced to cancel the party, as even if she could convince them to come, they would be fuckheads about it the whole time. seriously im really angry. she cared about it so much, put so much love into it, and she has to go through this. she has had to deal with being friends with them. i cant think of a time shes ever wronged anyone in the 11 years ive known her.

i guess if anyone actually reads this and has a better understanding or idea of what to do than me (i have none) please help. x

- why does she keep coming back to them and treat them so kindly. all they use her for is microwave runs. they hurt her over and over again and i hate watching her go back.

- do you think this could be the last straw for her? is she finally done?

- what can i do about it from a distance? is it immoral to punch one of those pricks in the face? or should i leave it to cold glares? i really want to punch them each in the face. is there a solution that allows her to have this party when she has no friends deserving of her or of attending?

- please let me punch one of them.

-thoughts?

- and have a great day

- :)

[spikesbimbo]

Drunk in Love

Summary:  Getting drunk and confessing your love for your “boy” friend and fucking him was most definitely not what you expected to go down on the usual night.

Pairing: Issei Matusukawa x Reader

Tags: Timeskip!Tattoed Mattsun, softdom!issei Hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, smut, fluff, virgin!reader, Unptrotected sex, non-penetrative sex, fingering, oral, pussy/thigh job, clit slapping, sweet dirty talk, praise, drunk sex

Word count: 7.2k

A/N: I heard pussy job and I wrote a whole ass novel

18+ Minors DNI

You run your finger over the condensation of your empty drink, drawing shapes (or what you thought to be shapes, you couldn’t tell at this point) waiting for your dear friend, Makki to bring you a refill of your cocktail.  

“Here ya go.” Makki said as he returned with your beloved Malibu Sunset. The smooth coconut rum bringing you back to your first and favorite drink that you ever got drunk on in high school. You smiling at the memory

“Thanks.” you say. Your reply being mumbled by the liquid already in your mouth.

This all started with Iwaizumi calling Mattsun up, you and Makki hearing “You wanna get wasted?” on the other side of the phone. And with pleasure, you two were already packing your stuff up, shoving yalls “pregame” bottles back in the bag. The three of you made your happy way there climbing through the fence of the abandoned skate park you were in. Needles to say it was abandoned for a reason, but what’s life without a little danger.

You three and the rest of the third years have been friends since high school, meeting in freshman year, and now including Oikawa’s girlfriend. You actually didn’t like Oikawa at first, his “pretty boy” demeanor making you internally cringe. But his personality grew quickly on you, being the perfect target to tease you and Iwa clowning him over everything.

Now back to you on your nth drink, complaining about your previous job that fired you because u got injured, even though you know you wouldn’t have lasted long there anyways because you weren’t that academically inclined. Bright? Whatever you wanted to call it.

And as-usual it wasn’t long before your crybaby ass immediately called Makki and Issei and “tried” your best to tell them what happed with your dramatic self-induced tears running down you race, while Makki urged to you to try to calm down and Issei straight up laughing at the state your were in, snot running out of your nose. You recoiling at the thought, hoping they forgot. (Spoiler, they didn’t)

But now you nanny for a rich couple and you get payed good to play with cute babies all day, sounds good to you! Luckily, you had the week off due to them going on a vacation, you think it was France, no, the south of France. Must be nice.

Cue to now, Mattsun chuckling and leaning on you and Iwaizumi; both of you, especially Iwa, being visibly done with his shit. Him reminding you about the times you bought him some random shit, which you went out of your way for since he always payed for you, like that chopper keychain because you said it reminder you of him.

He didn’t know what compelled you to say his 6’2, tattooed built self looked like a tiny reindeer but okay. It still meant a lot to him, hooking it onto his motorcycle keys. But you knew he appreciated it, despite his appearance he’s a softie.

“You wanna try this’” He says gaining his composure offering you one of the shots he got.

You took one of the mini glasses, not being the type to back down and promptly swung the drink to the back of your mouth, quickly coughing before it even reached your throat.

“This shit is fucking gross.” You coughed out bringing the glass down from your lips.

  “Imagine being sober. Can’t relate.” He said taking another shot.

  “I guess I should do that but ive passed the point of giving a fuck” You said sending yall into a giggling fit while somehow Makki was thrown in to support yall from falling over. You two carry on laughing ignoring everyone’s stares at you thinking about how much yall fit perfectly together.  

   Makki rearranges himself to sit back in his chair, far away, from the both of you, whispering “Damn. I’m really third wheeling.” under his breath. Getting a snicker out of Oikawa sitting next to him.

   “When your best friends are ignoring you. Sad times.” He continues bringing his bottle to his mouth getting no response.

  Issei chuckles and gets up shoving his hands in his pocket reaching for the cigarettes. Pulling them out while failing to find his lighter

  “Fuck.” He muttered

  “Any’all got a light?”

  No one responds so you sacrifice yourself “Yeah” you say reaching into your pocket grabbing out your prized possession of a hot pink, bedazzled lighter that you did yourself, reaching out to hand it to him.

  “Don’t lose it” you stated seriously trying not to break a smile.

  “K’ sweet cheeks.” He said smirking into the butt between his lips as he walked away. Your face now burning up, hoping that everyone would think it was because of the alcohol.

  You mind wanders, thinking about the “dates” you two go on, from watching shows you “forcing” him to watch some romantic anime, to going to the skatepark, to playing video games with the rest of the 3rd years (which you don’t really like but you’ll play for him) and him surprising you with takeout, you bringing out candles trying your best to make it cute with him telling u everything you everything about his day.

  And you always tried to remain calm, even though sometimes he deserved to get his ass beat, like that one time he broke one of your favorite pair of heels. It honestly hurt him even more, he wanted you to get mad at him but no, you just acted like nothing happened. Making the guilt rise in him. Let’s just say didn’t have to lift a finger for the next few weeks.

You basically babied him, taking care of all his “chores”, mainly making him food when you were at his place knowing he hated doing it. Makki teasing you for acting like his housewife, leading to you slapping the shit outta him while trying to cover your now red cheeks.

You’ve never been so grateful for your attire at the moment, blessing yourself for not wearing your usual outfits of short skirts and cute tops, defending yourself saying what housewife dresses in beat up vans and baggy clothes. You definitely not imaging yourself in that position for the rest of the day.

 You expressed that you just liked to take care of people, which was true. You always looked out for them, bringing an extra umbrella, to bringing cookies you made at 2 in the morning to school, always carrying band-aids (yes, the paw patrol ones you took from the kids you babysit).

You checked the time on your phone seeing it was late since the sun at last went down, your lock screen being your dogs to their complaint since they have a group photos of you all from high school as theirs. To which you replied “They’re my babies” getting a groan and huff out of them.

  Seeing the notifications of your group chat you grinned at the contact name you and Issei gave each other; yall jokingly call each other pet names, his contact being honeybun and yours being pumpkin, even including Makki in your contacts as pudding bc then it wasn’t weird, right? no.

  “What’re you smiling at y/n?” Oikawa cheekily asks teasing you. You turn to him giving him a dirty look, not having enough energy to deal him right now.

  “Don’t listen to his bullshit.” Oikawa’s girlfriend says. You’re thankful for her. She was always on your side, being the only other girl in your friend group. To be honest you just wanted her and you to hang out most of the time, but of course to your disapproval her boyfriend and his friends had to join in.

  “Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m sleeping.” You say getting up to her objection, the only thing on your mind wanting to retire for the night.

  “You sure you’ll be fine? Let us at least walk you home.” She said already grabbing her boyfriend’s arm.

  “Nah, im good. I live right down the road.” You try to say not slurring. The last thing you want is him teasing you even more, especially in this state, knowing you, you’d probably start crying at the slightest irritation when youre this drunk.

    You started to “walk” towards your house resting  your hand against the brick walls to not lose your balance, leading you to run into Issei. You stopped to watch him lean against the alley holding a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

  “I’m hiding like a bitch” He says noticing you, resting his weight against the wall.

 “Wanna be a bitch with me? He grinned  blowing out the smoke out with his words.

You didn’t reply, just walking over to him, just being around him made you feel warm.

"Fuck its windy.” He says trying to light a new cig.

“C’you make me a house?” He asks.

You go up and put your hands around his cigarette, this not being your first time. Your hands wrap a little tighter to prevent the wind from burning out his flame. He joins you with his free hand helping, finally getting his cig to light.

 “Thanks doll” He smirks.

“No problem princess.” You reply earning a laugh out of him.

He takes his first hit with his and your hands still wrapped around it. He gets an up-close look at your hands, noticing how tiny they were, seeing all the scars that he never noticed, making a mental note to ask you how you got them later.

His head gets close to yours for the first time in a while due to his height. You glance at his face, noticing his features seeing some stubble growing on his face.

“You ain’t shave?” You ask, never seeing it in the past, while he was moving back up, blowing the smoke away from you.

“What, you don’t like my majestic beard? “He jokes. Making you giggle almost losing your balance before catching yourself on the wall.

  “s’too much work.” He starts. “You wanna shave it for me?” he says slightly leaning towards you. Handing you back your lighter knowing you didn’t need him to carry it because your pants actually had pockets in them for once.

You let out a soft laugh not responding again. He catches on, you got quiet when you were tired and he made out that you were walking towards your house.

“You going home?” he asks already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” You respond more than happy to have him walk you back, him already moving to walk next to you.

He walks you home, you two talking about random shit, both of you forgetting about your skateboards leaving Makki to deal with them. And even though you’re drunk as fuck you’re still in the right state of mind, carrying a normal conversation with him. But just because you’ve built a tolerance doesn’t mean you can do basic tasks, like walk correctly.

When he reaches your house, he types in the keycode, your first dogs birthday, being glad that you, him and Makki have each other’s memorized.

He leads you into you house setting you on the couch, petting your dogs that ran up to him.

“Mommy’s not feeling too good” He said giving them the affection they deserved.

“Yes I am.” You slurred getting them attention on you now.

He walked over to your counter putting on the playlist that you two made together on shuffle, High fashion being the first to play. You didn’t like when it was quiet because too many thoughts would run though your head. You were in no way sad, singing the lyrics while you were laughing barely being able to hold yourself up as proof.

Remembering you were tired, he takes you off the couch and borderline carries you to your room, , setting you on your plush blankets that you had so many of because it was warm and comfy.

 “Easy, there. Try to sit up.”He said, trying to ask you what draws your pj’s were in because he didn’t want to snoop around; neither of you being bothered that you were half naked, what’s the difference between panties and a bikini, he thought remembering the times you’ve been to the beach together.  

Well it was maybe the fact that you were clinging onto him because u stumbled into him and he was closest stable thing around and you wouldn’t let go because it was cold and you couldn’t stop shaking.

 He ignores his thoughts and grabs the shirt he got out figuring you don’t need to change your bra because you told him and Makki that it was normal to keep it on for a few days after they were in awe as you were explaining how expensive they were. You calling Oikawa’s girlfriend to prove your point as she immediately agreed with you…Sometimes you might have got a little too comfortable with them.

You hear the song in the background change to Love Songs, you humming along, “Hope you smile when you listen.”

You were still holding on to him, your boobs squeezing against him, him only being able to put a t-shirt on you, while you looked up at him with your red glossy eyes making him burn up.  

You fidget timidly with your face now in his chest while gripping his sweater. Trying to build up the little courage you had. He tilts your head up making you look at him, wondering what you were thinking about.

  You try to express yourself, but you can’t get the words out him having no idea what is going on in your head at the moment.

“It’s okay to be nervous sometimes. Tell me” He gently says reading your body language. He was intuitive, so there was no way you could hide your feelings from him.

But you knew you could trust him, him having full self-control, always staying collected and following through on what he said he’d do.  He went out of his way to avoid any friction coming between you two, him never raising his voice or starting an argument.

“We need to talk.” You started. “About something important.”

“Ok…What is it?” He questioned rubbing his hands on your back. You were so nervous, were you really about to say this? Confess your feelings that you’ve pushed to the back of your heart for so long?

“I… I l… I love your face. And the stuff in it. and around it.” You spoke, being surprised you did it stutter.

He stood there, hands stopped moving trying to process what you just said.

“Just you, in general…”  You finally confess trying to state three things at once barely getting your words out.

But he understood exactly what you meant, or maybe he was warping what you said to fit what he wanted.

  "I don’t even know when I started liking you, but this shit won't go away." You restated

  Nope. He clearly just heard you say that.

  He doesn’t understand what’s so different about today. Yall have been in this scenario multiple times taking care of each other, sometimes including another into the mix.  

You didn’t understand either. You just felt like the time was right, even though you know it wasn’t the best idea to confess while you were drunk off your ass.

But you couldn’t help it, your feelings overflowing, which you never until this day let get the best of you, being vulnerable and trusting is not your usual . Youve never even had a crush on anyone, him being to only in your whole life to make you blush.

  Who you been vibin' wit and why I can't make you mine?

  You should have seen the signs that you feel for him when he helped that lady that lives down the street from him set up her Christmas lights or when he first met your dog that wasn’t fond of men, but it instantly liked him. And you loved his selflessness it was something you admired and applauded.

  “y/n” He tries talking you down, making sure you weren’t just saying this because of alcohol, deep down knowing he felt the same, you always being in the back of his mind.

You were generous with your time too, always being there for him. You knew he was softer than he appeared, he was tender, sensitive and vulnerable. He tried his hardest to not get into situations where anyone would get hurt, like breakups, arguments, and so on.

Which is why he won’t make the first move. He pushes his feelings to the back of his head. He values your friendship more than anything, but he can see what develops. If love is meant to be, it will happen.

I told you I am down for the worse or the better. But I keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters

    “You make me so happy. And I’ll always care about you. Okay? He says breaking the silence, trying to reassure you.  

  “You mean so much to me—something I can’t even put into words because nothing can compare- I’ve wanted you since that day you tripped and bust your ass in the school hallway I still want you even though you drive me insane.”

  “Iss-“ You tried to get out only to have him continue talking over you.

  "I love that you can’t leave the house without a jacket. I love the wrinkles that appear on your forehead after you call me crazy. I love that it takes you hours to get ready. I love that you always know how to make me feel better. I love that even when you don’t agree with my decisions you always trust me to make them.  I love that when I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes; and I love that you are the last person I think of  before I go to sleep at night."

  You stood there awestruck for what feels like eternity until you mustered the bravery to speak “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way-” You said, being dumbfounded because from what you’ve seen treats everyone “nice”, were you really getting special treatment?

  He tilts your chin up, locking his dark eyes with yours. “Baby I don’t know if your notice but you and Makki are my only people that aren’t my family that call me my first name.”

He has a point. You think pushing yourself more into him, trying to fuse your bodies together to hide, not relaxing what you were doing to him. He tries to nudge your legs to the side but you won’t let go still clinging onto him.

“fuck” He groans. You pulling back wondering why until you looked down and noticed. A smirk appeared on your face as you reattached your self to him like velcro. You were feeling bold, the liquid courage still in your system driving you to slide your fingers down his chest, looking him in the eyes before stopping at his waistband.  

He knows what you’re doing, him being in this position multiple times. Does he really want to ruin your friendship like this? He hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. He tries to push you off him already knowing you were gonna complain. But what he didn’t expect was for you to whimper out his name in that pretty voice of yours.

 He tried to keep his calm, blood already rushing down. “You know what you’re doing”

“yeah” You start.

“y’don’t want me?” Giving him your pouty face that you know he’s weak for, hoping that’ll work, insecurity piling up. Was it because your boobs weren’t that big or that fact that you were dressed like man? Was he not attracted to you right now, only liking you when you were dolled up?

“Fuck” You think. You should have worn something cute instead of dressing like a whole ass man even with your makeup fully done. Its not like you were supposed to know you were gonna get fucked today.

His were burning holes into you now, thinking of how to say “No, I would be more that happy to fuck you!” to his best friend, soon regaining his consciousness finally speaking.

“Fuck no doll, ive wanted you for a minute. You know me better than I know myself. How did you not notice my feelings?”

 You got me singing love songs, love songs, love songs

“You’re really hard to read” You replied trying to maintain your seductive act, resting your hands back on his chest.

“So are you.” He said lowering his head, you still looking up at him, taking in your gleaming eyes.

Sex ain't the only thing that's on my mind But you get me so excited, whoa

Your heart was beating so wildly that you could only take little sips of breath. His hands running down your waist stopping at your hips.

“Can I kiss you?" He asks "...yeah” you attempted to say as confidently as you could, nodding your head along with it.

His face bent down, hot mouth breathing over you. His lips slowly moved, brushing over yours, the liquor on his lips that you hated; only choosing fruity drinks even though you got relentlessly teased you for it.  You pushed further into the kiss desperately wanting more. Your teeth clicking his from being impatient, wanting to suck him in. Your hands sliding under his shirt subconscious desires reaching out.

Irreplaceable Tattoos from your neck that drop down to your ankles

“You’re drunk…” he says snapping you out of your trance.

“So are you.”

He dove in for another kiss much more passionate than the previous one, arguably needy, pusing you on the bed to which you more than happily comply. He tugs back not letting his mind get the best of him, disconnecting your spit trial leaving you panting. “You sure this alright?” He says deep down hoping you still say yes.

  You pull him back for your answer, your grabby little hands working their way back up his shirt. He gets the hint and pauses your lips rendezvous, taking off the turtleneck that he looked oh so good in, before seeing his unclothed body.  You’re admiring his body in a new way, before just complimenting him whenever he got a new tattoo, now up under him tracing them like a lovestruck teenager.

“When did you get this one?” You quietly ask, his ears closer to you than they’ve ever been.

“I got it that day you faked sick”

“What! You said were gonna take me!” You sulked, turning your head away from his as much as you could, crossing your arms.

He let out a slight laugh before gently taking your face in his hands, guiding you back into the kiss.

This is not really what he imagined for your first time. He’s an old-fashioned romantic who likes to take one step at a time. But then again nothing was ever normal with you. That said, when he falls in love, he falls deep.

“You’ve done this before?” You uttered.

“Hmm?” He mumbles, unmoving his lips from you kissing you, moving towards your neck.

“You still with that other girl?”

“No. I broke it off her, everything that came out of her mouth was bullshit, and no she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t trust her? You added. Trying to distract him until you could think of a way you could say “hey in my 21 years of life I’ve never got passed kissing a guy.”

“Our relationship was purely built on lies, I’d second guess everything she said. He replied, wondering if you were interrogating him.

“Why’d you wanna know?” He asked bringing his face up from your skin.

“…No one’s ever touched me like this, fuck.” You bashfully admitted, thoughts racing through your head that he didn’t want you anymore because you weren’t experienced.

But he knew what was running through that pretty head of yours, his fingers reaching out to with your hair trying to comfort you.

“You’re a virgin?” He curiously asked dragging his hand to your cheek, you leaning into it.

“y-yeah” you muttered trying to move your eyes away from his looking down at his body.

“I thought you had a boyfriend before” he said, softly turning your jaw to make you look at him. Your eyes diverted from his arms back to his eyes.

“We weren’t actually dating” You quickly say trying to clear up the misunderstanding. “He was my friend and seatmate that pretended to be my fake boyfriend to get me out of some trouble” you spewed out “and I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was fake.”

“Even if we were that doesn’t mean we fucked.” You sheepishly replied.

“So… what trouble did your fake boyfriend get you out of.” He questioned knowing how much trouble it must have been for you, miss independent, to go to such lengths.

“Umm, well…this guy wouldn’t stop flirting with me even after I told him I don’t like him, even following me to my other classes.”

He wasn’t surprised, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes, in fact the prettiest thing he’s laid his eyes on, your beaming eyes, your dimple when you smiled, your pretty face, your “ugly” laugh, he could go on for days.

“Why are we talking about this” You whined, reaching your hand back out to him.

He took a hint and continued kissing you, bringing you closer to him while you attempted to take you shirt off. His hands helping you seeing as that you were struggling, being lost in his touch, finishing by moving you up more on you bed, pushing your plushies out of the way, to your protested because “they had feelings too.”

He ignored you, bending down to pull your panties off stopping once he saw the slick coming through them.

“Fuck baby you’re wet” He breathed dragging his fingers across your clothed slit earing a whimper from you, leaving his fingers drenched.

 Shawty, you wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too Don't I make you feel good?

“M’always wet.” you responded.

From what? He questions taking off your soaked cotton panties, tossing them to the side.

“From me?” He smirks bringing his hand back towards your heat. You not even comprehending what he just said, just knowing that you’re ashamed of how worked up you were getting.

You were in awe. You’ve always known his hands were big, but in this situation your mind wondered. His fingers were so much bigger than yours knowing you can barely fit two inside your with out it hurting, and not in a good way.

“Do you know how pretty you are? It’s honestly distracting.”. He says kissing down your whole body, stopping at your breasts, licking lazily around and coming back to the nub. The attention on your nipples making you squirm and he finally lets go, you grateful that he stopped or you would have almost cum, how embarrassing.

“I thought you said were gonna get them pierced” He remembered, you going on a whole rant about how cute they were.

“You said u were gnna get em with me” You looked back on, reminding yourself making him promise to get them with you because you were too scared of the pain.

“That was the same day you played sick and I got that tattoo.” He stated lightening the mood, hoping you can calm yourself down before you actually embarrass yourself.

He picks back up and continues kissing all the way down your body, you playing with his hair while biting your lip to muffle your moans and whine until he reaches your entrance.

He parted your legs, your pussy laid out before him, believing you no have reason to be shy about it either. He paused, admiring your swollen cunt and puffy clit, you were beautiful.

The feeling that he didn't want anyone else ever in his position overtook him. He let out a little breath on your clit and you thrashed around. He wasn't going to play. “I’ll take care of you.”

His lips travel over your skin, light and heated before settling himself between your legs, grabbing you by your thighs and dragging you closer. “That tickles.” you giggle, nerves making you kick your legs, almost hitting him in the face before he grabs them. He puts them down locking your legs with his arms, lowering himself until he’s on the ground facing you.

“Does it make you nervous when I stare?” he teases while your covering your face trying to hide the blush he caused.  He puts his mouth on you, quickly gripping your thighs, his hands leaving imprints in your skin dragging you even more into him, deprived kisses taking over your body. 

“yer so pretty” You purred seeing the sight of his big build between your legs, your fingers grabbing onto his curly dark locks, tugging them.

  Issei moans, his voice radiating through your body, forcing out a cry, blessing him with your pretty voice. “I-Issei!” You cry, never feeling like this before, your vibrator and hands doing it no justice.

“Shh, just look at me, doll.”

You can barely make out what he says, so drunk on pleasure. You try your best, doing anything to see the pretty man beneath you. But you get interrupted by your pleasure, your back arching not being able to control your body, grinding down to meet his lips, heat rising in you.

He kisses through your wetness playing with your bud. You choking on your spit, back arching again your body tensing up. “Issei,” You beg, grabbing him knowing what you want but not being able to express it. Luckily he can read you like an open book, knowing what you want, driving you over the edge as he makes you see stars. “Good girl,” he sighs when he feels you let go of his wrist letting him bring you your first orgasm.

“Look at your thighs shaking so much.” He teasingly cooed, wrapping his hands around them, bringing you out of your daze.

Shawty, your body is so exciting

Arching your back into the blankets, letting out a whine “Want your fingers.”.

He lets out a condescending laugh. “You need to learn to be patient. You just came and you’re already so eager for more?”

But by the time he finished your body went limp, you were totally weak, body loose-limbed and pliant. Your mind clouded by lust and deep in your own world. You gasped out a little sob, unable to comprehend anything beyond the discomfort and the need to have it gone. You can’t think straight all you can do is take action, grabbing his arm him easing his fingers into to you.

It’s not too tight, is it?” you ask clenching around his fingers.

 “Just relax… let yourself feel it” He says barely being able to move in you. Fuck so were so tight.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside you.” He added starting to thrust them inside you, making you let out a string of moans.

“Look how good you take it.”  

“Fuck, you’re so messy.” He groaned feeling the slick running down his hands, before taking them out.

“Issei-i,” You cried when he pulled away, pleasure leaving you, tears coming back.

  He shushes you easily, his fingers wiping your tears. You were so precious to him, your moans music to his ears.  He slows down repositioning his fingers, making you let out a whimper squeezing around them. Your brains so crowded you can’t focus, can’t gather the strength to speak when he thrust them faster inside you.

  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you fell back, fingers curling inside you, chanting his name over and over, incoherent words coming out of your mouth begging for more. 

You pussy tightens as you cum, unable to breath, letting out gasps and whines. Him still fucking you, fingers not stopping, pushing them in and out relentlessly feeling both pain and pleasure. You lay there, wet in your own cum not giving yourself a break before you went and got what you really wanted, his cock.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as they pushed down his boxers, revealing the length of his cock, that jutted proudly from his hips. He was so pretty, so virile and handsome. Wondering how lucky you were to be in such a position with him.

You pushed away those thoughts and focused on him, pulling him forward gently, but he followed his encouragement. One of his hands tilted his cock down toward your lips. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

You parted them instantly, tongue sliding slightly outward, and then you whimpered as the warm weight of his cock slid into your mouth. You let your eyes flutter closed and swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock not knowing exactly what you were doing, but it was working, tasting the salty tang of the precum that wept from his leaking slit. You moved your tongue as the he put his hand into your hair, gripping the strands and pushing deeper into his mouth.

“You look so good on your knees like that. “He says meeting your eyes once again, almost cumming from the picture below him.

“Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He says slowing you down by grabbing your hair, making a pace that you follow.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.” Seeing that sinful look in your eyes with your redden swollen lips.

You moan feeling yourself drip down your thighs, getting even wetter giving him head. Trying to ease the discomfort by closing your legs, griding them together, trying to find some friction. Your ears hearing “That’s so fucking hot.” watching the scene unfold beneath him.

Your jaw hurts, trying got make him cum faster using your hands and lips together hollowing your cheeks. “Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" he groans out, his voice sounded beautiful to your ears, knowing he was about to cum.

He finally lets go cumming in your mouth, you swallowing it all, trying not to wince at the taste. “Did I do good” You ask waiting for his reply. Your doll eyes, so red and worn out looking up at him for approval. Fuck he was whipped.

“Yeah…fuck baby”

I love when you get on top and you ride it

You get back under him, his cock resting on you, drenched and clenching around nothing, resting in your cum. You working yourself up against him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” He says to your complaint.

“You’re not ready yet.” he mumbles against your whining. Spreading your legs, slapping your clit a few times before letting his cock rest on your folds. Finally getting “seated” he picks up your legs and puts them both on one of his shoulders your thighs warming his cock, your knees touching his cheek not moving, getting a kick out of how desperate your were for him.

“s-stop being mean” You cried reaching out for him to come closer, needing affection after all you’ve been though.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you? He says leaning into you, reaching your kiss, tasting the remnants of the cum in your mouth.

He plundered your mouth and slowly teased his cock over your entrance, catching it against your clit and making you whimper into the kiss, clearly wanting to be fucked. Your kiss turned you sucking on Issei’s tongue and lips, biting the swollen pout until his lips were red and puffy. He pulled back and looked down at you, a beautiful mess under him.

His fat cock head pushed between your folds. The moan escaping both of your lips was primal. You were turned on beyond imagination and the way he was thrusting forward, spreading his leaking precum on your wet clit was almost too much. He quickly picked up his pace fucking your folds, his warm head brushing against your clit with every movement, but your greedy self wanted more.

The fact that he made you cum so easily made you proud. Just because you’ve never gone this far with someone else doesn’t mean you’ve never cum, you’ve had a lot of practice over the years, being insatiable, the sheets soaked underneath you from your previous orgasms being proof.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” He moans getting your attention him.

You tried, you really tried, but the way he was stroking you, imagining what it’d be like to actually sit on his cock, the lewd sounds echoing in the background leaving you unable to focus.

He taps on your cheek eventually getting you look at him, keeping your mind on him by placing his fingers in your mouth you letting him, hazily sucking on them, not being able to close your mouth.

“Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.” He grumbles. Your spit dripping onto his fingers, the friction of your thighs making him feral, moving at an even faster pace. Your body bouncing with every thrust.

“You gonna cum after I cum on your little clit? Come one more time for me, I know you’ve got it in you.” You sob feeling the puddle beneath you, time slowing, fire pooling in your tummy.  Listening to his words you let yourself go. You come with a silent scream as the pleasure ripped through your body, your nails scratching his soft skin. Your vison fading to black feeling him lose his rhythm and moaning a mixture of curse words along with your name, feeling him cum on your tummy before resting his head in your neck while letting your legs go.

“So good for me, look at how much you came.” He says breaking the static. You whining into his shoulder, emotions high, never doing this before.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m right here, just breathe.” He says. You two laying in silence for an unclear amount of time, him rubbing your back while you rest in his chest almost dozing off.

“Are we still…friends?” You croak out trying to hold back your sobs already knowing the answer that you two were defiantly not friends now and never would be just friends again.

“Friends don’t do this type of shit” He maintained grabbing your shoulders to sit you and him up. You were worried, did he only do this with you because he was drunk? You were anxious that you scared him away because you just poured your heart out to him and pushed yourself on him. You left your head down, tears already coming out to your dismay. You moved your hand up to wipe them but he beat you to it.

“Look at me… I love you.” He says holding your cheeks in his palm. You in awe, hoping that you weren’t imagining it, that this was real life.

“R-really” You question making him worry too, preferring to forgive and forget rather than letting this a divide between the two of you in case you went back on your feelings. You were so overwhelmed, never feeling love until this moment, so happy that the person you longed for liked you back. Yours tears running once again.

 “Shh, shh, it’s alright...Don’t cry.”

You don’t even know why you were crying, the hangover already getting to you making you get a headache. You groaning in his arms complaining that your head and throat hurt.

“Ill be back” he says detaching himself from you, letting you know he was coming right back.

He walks to your fridge opening it to see every drink but water, having too dig through all of them, especially the absurd amount of apple juice guessing it was your “once a year craving for it”. He finally got you some cold water, putting It in a cup and waked back to your room.

  “Issei” you whined not picking your head up from the pillow.

  “Shh baby im right here.”

  He sat down beside you on your bed lifting your head up. “Here drink this” he reassured, to which you ignored not wanting anything to go in your mouth, just wanting the day, or night as it was now, to end.

  “It’s just water, honey, look.” You sat yourself up with his help seeing him in just his boxers, you remembering your still naked, not caring enough to cover yourself. He held to glass to your mouth, babying you, tilting it far back enough to where you could drink it. The water hit the back of your mouth feeling like a shot making you cough.

“I know, it hurts. I’m sorry but we have to” He stated. You continued to drink it, feeling the stinging in the back of your throat, him comforting you, calling you “good girl” which was unsurprisingly working.

  He put the cup on your dresser when you finished, climbing back into bed with you leaning your body into his. “Have you ever thought about...us? Y’know, as an...item?” he said causing you to look at him with wide eyes.

 “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.” He insisted making you cheeks flush. You try to think of a way to respond, not wanting to keep him waiting.

“You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. Not only am I deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.” You stammer out, your shaky hands somehow made there way to his neck, letting them fall slowly before he grabs them dragging you in for a kiss before you got to even see his face.

“Everybody has always thought we’re a couple.” He continued taking his time kissing you all over your face. “Then I guess we should be.” You retort, kissing him back before you could see his reaction, not wanted to be embarrassed anymore today. But he caught you, holding you still “Really “y/n? Like deadass?” He asked.

  “Yes dummy, I want to be your girlfriend” You say causing him to grin swearing you’ve never seen him smile that big, before he gives you one last kiss.

  “I always kiss you on the cheek, why are you blushing now? He teases laying back down, you following along. You just snuggle into him mumbling something along the lines of “m’tired”, he understanding and speaking to you in a soft, gentle voice while helping you to bed, so he doesn’t make it harder for you to sleep by being loud. “I’m here love, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers into your ear mkanig your heart swoon one last time before you pass out.

  “I l-love you issei.” You sleepily mumble.

“Tell me this when you’re sober.” He says stroking your head.

“Just relax, close your eyes...”He murmurs, your heart beating slower every second. Both of you together, lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns.

  “Oh!…” He remembers. “If you really wanna get them pierced, we could get matching ones.”

© all content belongs to spikesbimbo. do not alter or repost .

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas​, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 10

We spent all of Sunday at my place, Bucky and the girls seemed right at home which was nice. When it came time for them to head home Bucky asked me to go with them, Sam hadn't managed to track down Jack yet so he didn't want me staying home by myself. I didn't need much persuading, i packed an overnight bag and went home with Bucky and the girls.

Monday morning was soon here and it was nearly time to get up and get the girls ready for school, Bucky was still in bed with me, usually he would be up and dressed by now.

"As much as i love having you in bed with me Buck, arent you going to be late for work?"

"Not today doll, I've got an appointment with Mrs Potts at 9:30 then I'm working from home today"

"Who's Mrs Potts?"

"Principal, you still wanna come with?"

"If you want me to" i nodded stroking my fingers over his stubbled jaw.

"I want you too"

"Okay, count me in" I kissed him quickly before getting out of the bed "im gonna go jump in the shower and get dressed before the girls wake up"

"Shower with me" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"We don't have time for that Buck" i laughed and left the room before he could change my mind (which wouldn't take much to be honest the man was irresistible).

"Good morning James, please come in and take a seat" Mrs Potts said coming out her office. Bucky stood up taking my hand and leading me inside the office.

"Morning Pepper" he smiled at the woman with a familiarity, Mrs Potts.... Pepper, looked me up and down waiting for introductions.

"This is my girlfriend Y/N" Bucky introduced smiling down at me.

"Pleasure to meet you Y/N, I'm Pepper Potts" she reached out a hand which i quickly shook before taking the seat next to Bucky.

"So James, you said you needed to talk to me about Allie's teacher Ms Harper?"

"I do, honestly Pepper i don't think the woman should be aloud to work with kids" Bucky told her getting straight to the point.

"Okay.... what makes you say that?"

"Doll? Tell Pepper what happened"

"Sure....she made Allie cry because she wanted to wear a tutu and cowboy boots for a start, that alone was bad enough but the main problem was when i turned up to the mother daughter picnic to hear Ms Harper telling our 5 year old she shouldn't be at the picnic because she doesn't have a mom was the final straw!"

"She said what??" Pepper asked with wide eyes clearly shocked to hear this.

"Exactly! When i told Ms Harper she can't be saying things like that to a 5 year old she didn't even apologise! Just shrugged and said 'why not its true, her moms dead' i mean who says that to a kid Mrs Potts?? its disgusting and unacceptable behaviour from an adult who quite frankly should know better"

"James, Y/N im so sorry! Your 100% right, that is unacceptable behaviour from one of my staff and i will deal with her accordingly i promise"

"Thank you Pepper, i knew you would. I know you don't tolerate this kind of thing. I thought it best to sit down with you personally about the matter" Bucky said sounding very professional even though Pepper was clearly a friend.

"I just don't understand why she would target Allie like this"

"Ms Harper and i used to go to school together, she had always had a crush on me. Then when the girls started here she'd ask me out all the time and i'd turn her down. Ask Tony about Joanne Harper, im sure he'll remember her" Bucky rolled his eyes "she's never been spiteful to my kids until Y/N started doing the school runs"

"Even called me Mrs Barnes the first time we met" i added remembering that first confrontation with the she witch.

"Y/N was our nanny before we started dating" Bucky told Pepper "we haven't been dating long"

"I see, so she see's Y/N turning up everyday for school runs and assumes you got a wife? Wow" Pepper let out a breath as she tapped her pen against her notepad she had been making notes in.

"Crazy huh?" Bucky scoffed

"Id say so yeah, leave it with me. I'll deal with her".

After thanking Pepper for her time Bucky and I left hand in hand walking back to his car. We passed Allie's classroom and she smiled and waved happily, Ms Harper saw us both and was suddenly white as a ghost. I couldn't help but smirk at her 'i told you not to mess with my kid' i thought to myself as we continued the walk to the car.

"I come in peace" Steve called through the door before walking in with Rosie. I hadnt spoken to him since dinner the day he asked if i was sleeping with Bucky.

"Hi Steve" i laughed rolling my eyes at how dramatic he was acting.

"Hey sweetheart, are you still mad at me?"

"No, how can i stay mad at that face huh?" I let him pull me in for a quick hug with the arm not holding Rosie.

"Thank you, i promise to keep my mouth shut next time"

"It all worked out okay in the end so dont sweat it" i shrugged.

"Yeah? So you and Bucky....?"

"Are together, so thank you i guess" i chuckled "guess we needed that push to admit to how we both felt"

"Your welcome" Steve smiled looking proud of himself.

Steve came with me to pick the girls up from school later that afternoon, Bucky was at home working, his assistant Chloe was sat on the sofa in his office quietly scrolling through her phone waiting for Bucky to tell her what to do.

"Chloe could you grab me a cup of coffee please?" I heard him ask her as i walked passed the doorway.

"Hey, nanny?" I heard her call from behind me and turned to look her way "Mr Barnes wants a cup of coffee"  she said before i could ask what she wanted.

"Im his nanny not his maid, besides he asked you to get it not me" i told her and continued on my way to the kitchen where the girls were sat at the table with Steve colouring.

"So girls what do you want for dinner?" I asked them.

"Spaghetti!" Brooke answered loudly sounding hopeful.

"Okay sure i can do that" i smiled and started to pull out what i needed.

"I want pork chops" Allie bounced in her seat .

"I don't think we have pork chops Al" i said looking through the fridge and freezer.

"But i want pork chops!" She pouted with crossed arms.

"Okay let me see what i can do" i said not wanting to let her down. I headed towards Buckys office to tell him i was popping out to the store but got stopped by Chloe.

"Im sorry but Mr barnes is busy, just because your his nanny doesn't mean you can just walk in".

Y/N: Your assistant is a pain in the ass! X

Bucky: what did she do? Xx

Y/N: I was coming to tell you that i need to run to the store, Allie wants Pork Chops for dinner but your guard dog wouldn't let me in, said just because I'm your nanny doesn't mean i can just walk into your office xx

Bucky: what a load of bullshit! You can come into my office anytime you want ;)

Y/N: haha!

Bucky: can you come to my office please? Xx

Y/N: Fine I'm on my way xx

As i approached Bucky's office Chloe stopped me again!

"I thought i told you that you cant interrupt Mr Barnes!"

"Bucky asked me to come see him"

"Bucky? Its a bit unprofessional for an employee to use his first name so casually don’t you think?"

"Its a good job I'm not just an employee then isn't it" i snapped pushing past her to Bucky's office. I felt her hand grab my arm and spun to face her "you better remove your hand from my arm before i break it" i said through gritted teeth.

Bucky's office door opened and he saw Chloe grabbing my arm.

"Chloe what the fuck do you think your doing?" He practically growled.

"I told her not to interrupt you sir but she wouldn't listen"

"Let her go, right now! I asked her to come see me"

"Oh....." she released my arm looking a bit sheepish and i walked over to Bucky.

"You okay doll?" He asked rubbing my arm where she had grabbed me before pulling me into his arms.

"Chloe you should go home, its not like your much help to me here. We'll talk at the office tomorrow"

"Okay" she nodded grabbing her things and making a quick exit.

"She's lucky you opened that door Buck, i would have knocked that bitch out!"

"Im sorry about her babe, i'll talk to her tomorrow don't worry. Ive ordered the pork chops by the way, they'll be here in 20 minutes"

"What? Who's delivering you pork chops?"

"I know a guy" he shrugged pulling me into his office.

"What are you doing Buck i need to start dinner...."

"Ive missed you all day"

"We can't do this now" i laughed as he pulled me down onto the sofa "Steve and the girls are in the kitchen"

"I'll be real quick they wont ever know" he mumbled as he kissed my neck.

"Behave Mr Barnes!" I wriggled off his lap "i'll make it up to you tonight i promise, but we got 3 hungry girls and a Steve to feed right now"

"Fine okay, but i'll hold you to that"

"I should hope so, you done in here?"

"Yeah i'll be out in a minute" he said resting his head back against the sofa as he tugged at the crotch of his pants that had gotten considerably tighter.

"You make it so hard to walk away Buck" i moaned at the sight.

"You just make it so hard doll" he smirked making me laugh.

"Down boy" i winked and quickly left.

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense

@heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan

@ladymelissastark @93generation

@sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple

@Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31

@superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language

@booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl

@wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina

@abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem

@barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8

[ambwkpopreads]

Jaehyun Oneshot

Hello! Heres a little oneshot ive been working on. Its not edited or anything so Im sorry for anymistakes.

WARNING: Its a bit smutty. A bit angsty, and a but fluffy

 It's one thing being the new girl during senior year of highschool, but it's another when the most attractive, popular guy tries to befriend you. Everyone hated you. No more like all of the girls hated you, making your life living hell.

   For years they have been trying to catch his attention. Going to all of his sports games, cheering him on. Making him lunches, giving him gifts. They were jealous at the fact that all you did was walk into school on your first day and he was looking your way.

   During your first month, the death glares and evil eyes got worse and worse. Were they really that surprised to see a colored gal in their school. It couldn't be- you've seen others. Plenty of others, yet they gave you the same look.

   You met a girl named Max. A smaller Korean girl with really long hair, tied half up and half down.  She was a bit shy but she saw how much you were struggling, she just had to help you. You didn't know what was whispering around school, you just had some bad luck at the new school.

   “I'm Max.” She smiles down at you. You were sitting at a picnic bench in the school's courtyard. It was lunch time, sitting outside was better than being watched in the cafeteria.

   “Um, hi.” You were in awe, this girl. She looks at you with a smile on her face. Not the look of death itself.

   “Okay, I'm not usually like this, but I feel very very bad for you.” She plops down across from you and she pulls her bag off of her shoulders. She unzips it and takes out a brown bag with her name in Korean on it. Must be her lunch. “Like yes, Jung Jaehyung is mighty fine, but honestly to target a girl, especially when she's new.” She is talking to herself as she unpacks her lunch. Some kimbap rolls, and a small container of radish kimchi. Wow. that sounds better then this beef stew and rice the school gave.

   “Wait, wait. Jung Jaehyun? Who? That star player?” You ask her, confused. She sighs and sets her food down, looking back at you.

   “Jung Jaehyun is the school's star player. He is the school's heartthrob. Every girl wants him, every guy wants to be him. Do you see what I'm getting at?” She questions. You nod understanding.

   “Right, but what does that have to do with me?” But she just shakes her head.

   “Yah! If you weren't so oblivious then maybe you wouldn't be struggling so much.” She bursts. Before you could fight back, she continued. “Jaehyun has taken a liking to you. And every girl around here is jealous. Even the ones with boyfriends. One main reason is because you are new, so no girl originally in this school had a chance, and that upsets everyone. It's funny really.” She laughs a bit. But you don't find this funny at all, in fact you're pissed.

   “Are you serious right now? My senior year is going to shit because some pretty boy thinks i'm cute? What shit.” You didn't even want to eat anymore.

   “Just cute?” She gives you a big laugh. “It's funny how oblivious you are. I don't understand how you don't see how many times this man had tried to talk to you. Or tried to get your attention. But you just walk away, not fazed at all. Another reason why every girl here hates you. Because they want to be you.” Her words sound crazy as hell. You have never had anyone ever even think you're cute, and now suddenly the most popular boy likes you. No, you wanted to finish your senior year out with no distractions, and the school hating you didn't help your stress levels.

   “That's just fucking stupid.” You yell, sudden memories clouding your brain.

   It's kind of obvious to what he looked like since his sports pictures were everywhere. You noticed him always looking your way, or smiling. Sometimes even waving. But you never paid any attention. You didn't want to wave back and he was actually waving to someone around you. “You like him too?”

   “If I did I wouldn't be sitting here.” She shrugs. “But I will admit, he is one fine piece of-” Her eyes widen at the end of her sentence. Her whole body freezes up as she looks behind you. Then you suddenly felt a presence behind you. You turn around and see Jaehyun himself standing there.

   “Hi, I noticed you weren't eating, and so I wanted to offer my lunch?” He holds it out. Your eyes widen at the dumplings and the Kimbap next to it. There was also a side of Kimchi and sauce.

   “You've got to be shitting me.” You hear Max mumble behind you.

   “You noticed I wasn't eating. You were watching me?” You look over and see him little friend group that he is always sitting at a table just on the other side of the windows dividing the outside from the in. They all quickly look away when they see you looking.

   “Are you playing some game or something?” You question him, his face was really red, and he didn't know what to say. “Every girl in the school hates me because of you. Can't you target someone else?” You let all your frustrations out on him, all the stress you've been feeling lately.

   “What?” He asks, true confusion running across his face.

   “Like you don't know. I don't know if you like me or something, but just stop. I don't want to date someone like you.” You just couldn't stop. Now that you know the reason and he just came and proved it to you, it just pissed you off. You turn away before he could say anything else.

   It was the next week and Max catches up to you.

   “I still can't believe you told him off like that, I would've at least taken the food.” Max keeps going on. She's been telling you forever it feels like how crazy you are.

   “Look, you can keep going on and on, but I don't want a man who is chased by literally every girl. If I get caught up with him, I'll be just like everyone else. Soon fighting for his attention. I'll pass.”

   “You have a point, but-” There's always a but. “Unlike every other girl around here, he is fighting for your attention.”

   Jaehyun never gave up. He always made you lunch, at some point you just gave up on rejecting it and taking it. But then he would be on your ass about wasting so much food. So then you just stopped getting school lunch and eating his.

   There was a point when he wanted to walk you to class. You obviously didn't want him too, but you can't stop him from walking. You complain about the stares you got, the clear shit talk from everyone around you. He just tells you to ignore them, that he gets them all the time.

   You didn't realize that he also did. You got hate from the girls, and he got hate from the guys. Either pure jealousy, or the fact that they wanted to be him.

   You walked into school one Monday. You wouldn't say you were in a good mood. In fact you were highly irritated. Over the weekend, more rumors were made up. “Jaehyun made a bet.” “Jaehyun just wanted to see if he could snag the new girl.” “He knew her from the past, a long lost love or something.”

   You knew not to believe rumors, but seriously if he just stopped, everything would go away.

   You were so not in the mood to deal with him. When you got into school, you realized the first bell already rang, so the hallways were empty. Not to make any more stress for yourself, you were just going to go to the next one.

   You pull your bag closer to yourself and you walk to the library. When you find a small couch closed off a bit from the rest of the library, you do a little happy dance. You sit down and take a deep breath. It feels like this is the first actual silence you've gotten all weekend.

   You had three months left of this bullshit.

   “YN?” His voice comes out of nowhere, breaking your silence. You actually wanted to scream. You wanted to be upset, but you were actually quite happy he was here.

   You've always wanted to think about how good his hugs would be. How warm he would be. You would be lying if you said you hated when he was around. But you could never admit that. Because as soon as you did, he would leave.

   You need him to leave before you get too attached to the idea of him hanging around.

   He walks around to stand in front of you. Your eyes follow him. He was looking at you with a confused and concerned look.

   “What do you want Jaehyun?” You ask. You tried to sound stern, but you just sounded tired.

   “Something is bothering you, so I'm bothered.” He shrugs. He sets his bag down and sits on the floor across from you. You sighed.

   “Why do you do this?” You ask looking over at him.

   “What am I doing?” He asks.

   “Acting like you care? You're always around? You are making my life so much harder that it already was. How hard is it for you to leave me alone?” You felt yourself start to tear up. You didn't want him to leave, you just wanted baggage to go.

   “I told you to ignore them Yn. They won't go away.” He mumbles, ignoring your questions. Or so you thought. He pulls his legs up to his chest a bit. “When you first came here, when I first saw you, it was like I could see everything clearly again. I know what I wanted.” He sighs. “That didn't come out right.” He puts his legs down. “I've seen how your time here has been, I can't stop these people from saying what they want. But I can try and make you feel better. That's why I've been wanting to make you food, I don't want you eating the shitty lunch. I thought maybe small things like that would make your day better.” He was going on, shocking you. “I won't lie, the fact that you didn't like me, just made me like you even more. Everytime I would walk you to class, you would say little things, either to me or just out loud. I don't know, but I realized that you are different then everyone here. You're like a puzzle I want to put together, ya know.”

   Your eyes were huge in the first sentence. You didn't say anything, so he continued getting more and more nervous, he tried his best to show it. He looks at you in the eyes.

   “All the hate you've been getting, has been getting to me to ya know. I don't want all these stupid rumors to make you think any different of me. I want you to have your own impression. If it makes you feel any better. I haven't had a girlfriend since middle school. To focus on sports.” He mumbles the last part.

   Now, out of all your fantasies, you never thought of a confession like this one. You still couldn't get anything out. Say something!

   The bell rings, telling you to start going to your next class. You quickly grab your bag and leave. Leaving Jaehyun sitting there watching you walk away. He clenches his jaw, realizing half of the words he just said.

   “Fuck, now I've definitly scared her off.”

   He left you alone after that. Which you were happy about for the first couple of days. You got to actually breathe, and get your shit together. He was so distracting, but in a good bad way. You were fighting your own feelings at this point. But everytime you give in, you're left in the dust. You didn't want to feel like everyone else either.

   After a couple of more days, you started to get a bit more sad. Because maybe you walking away that day was the worst mistake you could have made. You shouldn't feel the way you did, you wanted this, you wanted him gone. You hated yourself for getting used to him being around. Then again you did technically reject him. So you shouldnt be sad, you should be glad.

   It Friday now, you were making your way to your locker to grab your things for the weekend. Your mom and dad went on a weekend getaway, so that meant that you had to walk home, also meant you had the whole house to yourself.

A whole week with no Jaehyun, it was strange. You didn't even focus on the stares you got anymore, your mind was filled with him, just like everyone else. You were usually the last in the halls, you hated rushing with the crowd. You start walking down the hallway, towards the front door. Suddenly a door on the left opens and out comes Jaehyun. He's looking down at the floor as he's walking. He looks up noticing someone else in the empty hallway.

   It seems like he was just as shocked as you were to see him. But what did you have to say? Nothing. So you keep walking.

   Jaehyun, once again, watches you walk away. He can feel his eye twitch a bit at the similarity of this situation. He walks up behind you and grabs your hand making you stop walking.

   “Are you goi- Can I walk you home?” He fumbles over his words a bit.

   “Sure Jae.” You say without a second thought. He smiles, but then shakes it off. You turn to walk again, but he stops you again.

   “Can we go to my locker first?” he asks. You don't say anything, but nod. He holds his hand out for you to take. You raise your eyebrow at his need for your hand.

   “Please.” He pouts his lip. You sigh and hold his hand, he was quick to lace your fingers together. His smile is big and bright. You quickly look away, feeling your cheeks burn. God his smile was pretty. He takes you to his locker, a little further into the school then yours was. He tries to unlock his locker with one hand. He fails a bit, clearly needing his other hand. You try to pull yours away, but he pulls back, squeezing it a bit. Then all of a sudden, he opened it. He does a little dance, happy that he wasn't struggling anymore. You had to quickly look away.

   Why is it so hard to look at him? Has he always been this pretty?

   You can look but not touch, you remind yourself. As soon as you do, your eyes go to your laced hands. You look back up too see Jaehyun slinging his backpack over one shoulder. He then shuts the locker and looks down at you.

   “Ready?” He asks you softly. When your eyes connected, they were stuck. All you can hear is your heart beating fast, the only thing you could focus on was his bottom lip tucked under his teeth a bit. His black hair was curly a bit, and hanging a little over his eyes. He shakes his head a bit, giving himself a better view, letting his lip go.

   You quickly nod walking forward, pulling him behind since he wouldn't let your hand go.

   The walk took ten minutes. Hand in hand, walking as if you weren't in a rush. Nothing was said, because your mind was filled with a million words.

   Jaehyun was the same. His heart was beating so fast. He has had a rough week. He didn't want to avoid you, but his friends mentioned that giving you space will make the future better for both of you. He thought it made sense. But before this, you were actually opening up to him. You may not have noticed, but now he knows so many little things about you. Like your favorite food, and color. He was getting somewhere, but now you felt cold. You closed the door before he could get a foot in. He could feel it in your hand. It was just hanging there, as he held it tight. There has to be good things coming from this.

   You turn down the final alleyway, making it to the first door you come to. You turn to him wanting to say something. But he beats you to it, holding your hand up and holding it with both of his hands.

   “Before you say anything, I'm sorry.” He breathes out. “I didn't mean to say all of that to you on Monday. I mean I did, but not like that. You were going through something and I just overwhelmed you more.”

   “Jaehyun why do you like me?” You ask him, not sugar coating anything. He frowns a bit, looking down at the ground. He licks his lips.

   “Truthfully, it was when I first saw you. I thought you were so fucking beautiful. Mhm…” He looks up at you. “I really couldn't get you outta my head. Then it got to the point where my heart was beating out of my chest when you came near me. I knew I was in deep when I heard how much I was contributing to making your life hell. It made me sad that you were sad. You didn't have anyone until Max, I tried to reach out but you just brushed me off, expected. I just wanted to show you that I was here for you and no one else.” His eyes bored into yours. His words shocked you to the core. “I'm sorry for not speaking to you all week. Only excuse I have is that I want you to be happy, and I'll do anything to make sure of just that.”

   “Avoiding me for a week doesn't help anything. It doesn't make any sense, how can you just leave so easily if you supposedly like me.” You were getting frustrated. Thankfully there was no one around. “I don't want to give in to you and these stupid feelings I have, just to have you walk away.” Your words made Jaehyun’s heart drop to his ass. He will never listen to his friends again.

   No one says anything for a moment.

   “Feelings?” Jaehyun's voice was soft. Whisper like.

   “I-Just stop being all flirty if you're going to avoid me like you don't know me. My heart can't handle that. I know that I wasn't the nicest to you, but you make me feel so warm and fuzzy-” He cuts off your rambling by raising his hands to your face.

“Please don't get worked up, I promise I won't do that again.” His face was close to yours. His lips grazed yours as he spoke to you. You were trapped between the brick walls and him in front of you. Your body was on fire, your knees felt weak.

You push him away quickly, you take your right hand and beat on the chest of your heart slightly.

“Stop doing that.” You fan yourself. “Being all cute and teasing me like that. I can't take that from you.” You felt out of breath.

Jaehyun looks down at your red burning cheeks. He smiles in awe at you- so fucking cute.

“Either kiss me or don't.” You mumble, not thinking he could hear you. But oh did he. You gave him permission. “Thanks for walking me home.” You could feel his eyes looking down at you. You look back up at him, and pull your hand away. You turn and open the door, before you step in, you look back at him.

“I think-I think it would be best if this is the last time we talk to each other.” You quickly go in and shut the door. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to drown out his voice calling your name. You realized how far deep you are, and you needed it to stop now. You refused to get hurt. Stopping it now, before anything else could happen. It was right.

It was so easy for him to walk away, probably not having a thought about you. All while you couldn't stop thinking of him. This decision might hurt you for a while, but it'll save you in the long run.

Hopefully.

   You go up to your bedroom and call Max on your computer, using facetime. You both talk about how horrible certains classes are. She talks about the recent animes she's been into, telling you to write some down so you can see what she's talking about. You try to laugh along to her ramblings but everything was just off.

“Okay, what happened?” She stops talking about what her dog was eating, and stares at you through her screen, waiting.

“Jaehyun.” You say simply, knowing she wasn't going to stop asking.

“Spill!” She yells, getting excited.

“I-I don't know Max. He pretty much confessed to me twice. And- and I pushed him away.” You blurt, your eyes were already starting to tear up. The fact that Max wasn't saying anything, didn't make anything better. “It's better this way though, I won't get hurt. I refuse to fall for some pretty boy.” You shake your head.

“You are crazy, my friend. You are going to regret this.” She says seriously shaking her head. You were shocked at her words, expecting her to side with you. “Look I'm sorry, but I stand by the truth. I promise you he just got lucky with the look, Jaehyun is the God gifted person. He is one of a kind. There is a reason why he is the school's star student, without him, our school wouldn't have a name.” She rants. The school is pretty small.

   “You need to fix this, I promise you, you will love me forever for convincing you.” She starts again. “You are self sabotaging, and I won't allow it.” She crosses her arms, and nods her head with a pout. Her facial expression makes you smile a tiny bit. You knew she was right, you were literally pushing him away, hurting him in the process of trying not to get hurt. That's not fair. You should at least try.

You really do know how to fuck shit up.

“Now I have to wait until Monday.” You mumble.

“Mhm no you don't. This girl Minji, she's having a party, he usually goes.” She spins around in her chair.

“Absolutely not. Are you kidding me? Everyone hates me.” You instantly shut it down.

“No, she doesn't. She's one of the girls with a boyfriend.”

“Then go with me.”

“EH! NO! I went once, and never again!!” Gosh, she could be so dramatic.

“I think I'm just going to go on a walk or something, take time to think. I can't let this stress me out.”

“You won't be if you just give into your obvious feelings.”

You lay down in your bed, thoughts never stop coming to you. You go through so many emotions as you think about everything. All you wanted is to go back in time. You weren't this type of person, yes you didn't want to hurt, but you also fought back. Deep down you know Jaehyun is an amazing person, but you werent and that was the problem.

You turn your head and take a look at the clock on the side table. It was almost midnight, you might as well sleep at this point.

   The next morning, you make yourself some breakfast and start working on your homework that you had for the weekend. You hated dragging it out and would rather get it done all at once.

   Hours pass when there's a knock on the back door. You frown and look up at the door, Jaehyun's voice pops into your head from him yelling out your name yesterday. You sigh, shaking your head softly wanting the thought to go away. You stand up and walk over to the door. You open the curtain a bit to see who was outside, and too see him there. Your eyes widen and you gasp closing the curtain.

   “Can we talk?” He asks through the door.

   “I'm not even dressed. I'll see you Monday.” You yell through the door. You look down at your pajamas, sweats and a tank top. No bra.

   “Then put some clothes on, I need to talk to you.” His voice was loud enough for you to hear. You sighed, knowing that this was your fucking chance to make the right choice.

   “Well can you wait one second?” You ask.

   “Yes of course,” You hear him laugh a little. You quickly run to your room and put on a sweatshirt. You also brush your hair up and into a ponytail. You washed your face real quick, making sure everything was good. You brush your teeth for the second time this morning.

   You go back and finally open the door. He was still standing there waiting, with a small smile on his face. You were horrified with yourself. He looked so good, with his hair a bit wavy, in an expensive looking knitted sweater. He looked so good out of school uniform. Then there's you, sleeping in on a saturday and looking like a troll while doing homework.

   You let him in, he looks around the room, with his eyes landing on yours as he turns around. You didn't know what to do, say, or where to go. You look down at the table covered in your school work. You walk over to it and start to organize it again.

   “So whats up?” You ask him. Your voice comes out a lot weaker than expected.

   “I refuse to give up-I can't give up.” He speaks softly. The air around you two turned thick. You look up at him, frozen mid paper shuffle. He looks up at you and licks his lips. “I just want to tell you that you don't have to be scared. I promise you that I won't hurt you.” His eyes bore into your. Your cheeks are set ablaze. You look back down, tapping the paper on the table, as if they weren't already neat. So many things you could say back, what to say. His feet walk closer to you. His hand reaches out and he grabs your wrist. He gently takes the papers and tucks them in a book and closes it. He grabs both of your hands, and you couldn't help but to lace your fingers through his. He squeezes your hands with his. He gives you a soft smile.

   Fuck hes so pretty.

   You look down, your whole face now burning.

   He was waiting for you to say something, anything. And you should, he has said so much and you just ran away. But now you can't, you won't.

   “Jaehyun, this is all very foreigne to me. I never was pretty enough to anyone- I was never enough. I'm scared as hell yes, because I've been hurt before, and I refuse to.” No one ever tried this hard.

   “I'm so sorry. You deserve so much, and I want to attempt to give you everything.” One of his hands let go of one of yours, and grabs on to your waist, slowly pulling you closer. You couldn't help but to lean forward and lay your head on his chest softly. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You wanted to laugh.

   “Jaehyun, you are so good with your words. Practice a lot?” You ask him, teasing. You wonder how many girls he had said this to. But his face confuses you a bit, he looks as if you caught him in the act of something bad. Then he quickly looks away, laughing.

   “Yes actually, all morning.” His words come out soft, they also make your head snap up, looking at him. He then pulls you all the way into his arms. Your eyes roam all over his face. His skin was so perfect, eyes low and dark. His lips, so moist and inviting.

   “You put this ball of light in me, and it keeps growing and growing. Everytime you glance my way, my heart skips a beat. I have goosebumps running down my spine just because you're in my arms. I heard a third time a charm, after this, I'll go if you want me to. But I think that you want this, but you're nervous. I understand, I just need you to understand that I got you baby.” His voice was silky. As he spoke, he got closer and closer. His words ending near your ear. Your eyes roll back a bit as goosebumps prickle your skin.

   What would happen if you kissed him? Would he kiss back? Would he push you away because he didn't want to be kissed?

   Fuck, you really wanted to kiss him. Why the hell not.

   Your right hand raises up to his cheek. Your thumb running over his cheek softly. He stares down at you, letting you do whatever you please. Your hand runs farther, past his ear, deeper into his hair. You pull him closer, and he follows with no hesitation. You don't stop until you feel his lips on yours. It was like a bubble popped and you couldn't stop.

   He pulls away a bit harshly looking down at you. His lips turned red and his hair a bit wild since your hand was all through it.

   Oh no, did you do something wrong?

   He suddenly backs you up a bit. His hands go onto your waist and quickly lifts you and sits you on the counter. You were a bit shook. Did this man just lift you?

   You watch him as he opens your legs a bit and stands between them. He leans in, close to your face.

   “Again.” And he kisses you again. He moans against your lips, sending vibrations from your lips and down. You can tell he tried to take it a bit slow, but you felt as if you had a bit of an advantage. You were positioned higher than him, so you easily laced your fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, making his face look up a bit more. You start to control the kiss, you tongue running across his lips, wanting him to open up. He lets you, easily.

   He has thought about this moment for so long. He dreamed of these lips.    

   As one hand tugs on his hair, the other runs up and around. Damn, why does this feel so good?    You pull away, and you gasp softly for air. His hands grab your waist and he tugs you closer, your crotch lining right up with his. This definitely had you gasping for air. His lips trail down and all over your neck. Sucking and nibbling in different areas. He kept going until he reached a certain spot that made you melt.

   “Jae…” You moan softly into his ear as he marks your skin. He reacts by biting down pretty hard on your neck, but then licking the same area.

   “Can I touch you?” His words were soft, and gentle. But you froze up, and you pulled away. Your body did not want to be away, but your brain wasn't ready to comprehend that. You shake your head, unable to speak because of the previous actions. You shy away, afraid that he would be upset. They always are, then it just makes everything worse. You don't know if you could be rejected by Jaehyun.

   “No, no it's okay.” He grabs your hands in his.

   “I haven't done anything like that Jae, and I clam up everytime someone wants too. I just don't think I'm ready yet.” You mumble looking down at your joint hands. Your heart was beating in your ear. Your nerves were going wild. One of his hands rises, and tilts your head up a little and he kisses you softly on your lips.

   “We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” He smiles at you. He moves a bit, and that's when you notice that he was hard as hell. Then you notice how awkward he was standing, and must be very uncomfortable.

   Now you don't mind touching him…

   “Can I touch you?” You throw his words back at him. His eyes catch yours. You didn't mind doing that, in fact you really wanted to. You wanted to see his face when you made him cum. Your eyes caught him biting his bottom lip. “Is that too much?” You question him, feeling a bit uneasy under his intense stare.

   “Mhm, I go at your pace.” He says deeply. You get down and grab his hand taking him up to your room. You shut your door and take a deep breath. You turn around and put a hand on his chest, wanting to push him down onto your bed. But he grabs your wrist slightly and leans forward. He kisses you softly and gently, he pulls away slowly, and looks down at you.

   “You don't have to do this…” His lips graze yours. One of his hands skim over your cheeks, he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I put you through a lot lately. I want to make up for it.”

“These are enough…” His thumb plays with your bottom lip. You whine a bit, pushing yourself against him.

“Can I touch you now?” You pout, your fingers looping through his belt loop. “I don't wanna pressure you, bu-”

“Please touch me.” He captures your lips in his again. And your hands instantly start roaming everywhere. You lift his shirt up a bit, feeling the ridges on his torso. You groan against his lips. His body was hot, he was hot, everything was hot.

And too good to be true.

You pull away, and push him down onto your bed. He goes to unbutton his pants, but you stop him. You push him some more so that he is now laying down. You lift his shirt a bit, exposing his v-line and more. He leans up a bit, flexing for you. You couldn't help yourself, since he marked you up, it's only fair to do it back. You lean down and attach your lips right above his pants button. His body twitches a bit, not expecting a kiss in that exact area. Your lips send waves of pleasure through his body, and you've barely done anything.

He needed a release so badly, and the fact that you offered, he would've come in his pants right there.

All over his waistline, you leave marks. Big ones too. While doing that, you've managed to unbutton and unzip his pants. They were already pretty low on his waist, making it easy for him to push them down a bit, allowing you to grab him in your hands.

“Hmm.” He moans and you move your hand up and down a bit. He looks directly at you, you make sure you keep eye contact as you go down and give him a couple of kitten licks on the tip.

“Fuck..” He sighs, sounding out of breath. He falls back on the bed, allowing you to proceed.

If a dick could be perfect, it would be his. He was a grower, forsure. One vein running around it, the tip bright red. You wanted to make it shiny with your saliva, you always found pretty cocks to be so aesthetically pleasing.

You started going at it, taking him in as far as you could go. Which in this case, you could take him whole. He reached your max. He was perfect.

You frowned when you realized he was holding back his moans. You let up, stroking him slowly.  

   “Why are you holding in your moan, Jaehyun? I want to hear how good I'm making you feel.” You suck on his tip a couple times, your tongue playing around it.

   “Fuck-I just...I didn't want to be too loud.” His voice laced with moans.

“Don't hold them in, it makes me upset.”  You quickly go back down on him, helping him chase his high. His cries break out and the sudden intenseness. His stomach was feeling tingly.

   “Look at me.” You mumble. He leans up on his elbows and he looks right at you. His face was burning red, and his hair was a mess, from his own hands going through it. He watches you as you take him all the way in. Just the sight of you alone could make him cum.

   His eyes start to roll to the back of his head, his brows frown and his mouth is open wide. He tries to keep his eyes on you. But when you bring a hand up to his ball, he loses it. His hand goes up to your hair and he pushes you down a bit.

   “Fuck, I'm so close, i'm so close. Please… please. I need this, I need you.” He mumbles under his breath as he starts to fuck into your mouth. His words make you moan around him, breaking him.

   “Fuuuuhck.” He falls back on the bed, his body losing control a bit. You don't let up, testing his overstimulation reaction.

   “Holy-holy shit.” His body spazzes a bit. “Keep going and I'll get hard again.” He warns, voice weak. But you let up, knowing your throat was going to be a bit sore. When you swallow everything in your mouth, his body swings up and he kisses you.

   “That-that was amazing.”

“Mhm,” You smile and peck his lips again. You get up and go to your bathroom to quickly run some mouthwash through your mouth. You couldn't help but to wonder what's going to happen next. Was he going to leave? Did he feel awkward now? Were you even as good as he says you are? You look into the mirror, seeing red marks all over your skin. You knew those were going to be darker soon.

You go back to the room, seeing Jaehyun sitting on your bed, looking out the window. You quickly run up to him and push him back. You climb on his lap and put his arms above his head.

“Who allowed you to mark my neck up?” You shake your head down at him, trying to hold back a smile. His surprised face turned into a sly one, he bits his bottom lip and quickly flips you over, so now you were in the exact position, you were just on the bottom. Your hands above your head. With his strength, you could barely move.

“Everytime I see you, I crave you more and more. I can't help but want to just eat you.” He says smiling softly. But his eyes were dark. He leans down and kisses you softly, taking your bottom lip and sucking on it a little. A moan escaped your throat.

“So sweet.” He croaks, before diving down for more of you. You give him as much as you can. You both kiss each other with so much emotion. Showing eachother how much they want this. Saying everything that could never actually be said.

You pull away, everything is hot and tingly again.

“You have to be the strong one and pull away, please.” You capture his lips again, getting your last kiss in. How could you get so turned on from a kiss. He moans against your lips. Letting one of your hands go, he caresses your cheek, pulling away. He hops off and clears his throat. You sit up, in a state of shock. You didn't not expect this today.

“Um, I don't really feel like getting ready for the day. So wanna order some food?” You look up at him. He looks at you with a confused look on his face. “Or if you want to leave, you can do that t-”

“Let's order, I'll pay.” He smiles widely at you.

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [Enough time later that you might think you’ll not hear from him again, realistically like a day or two but given what you did it’d seem like longer/regret and dip ‘cos ya should but we know that ain’t it]

Joe: you spent Charlie’s modelling money yet

Ronnie: long gone baby like you

Ronnie: if you were after a cut shouldve taken it sooner

Joe: nah, it’s yours

Joe: his but sounds like he enjoyed himself, by her account

Joe: no need to ask what you spent it on

Ronnie: but you wanna hear my account yeah

Ronnie: thats what this is

Joe: do you think that’s what this is

Ronnie: youre not taking up space in my head mckenna

Joe: and not in your diary, as you pointed out up top

Joe: busy busy yeah

Ronnie: i werent asked to audition to be a doss student cunt 💔

Ronnie: & the one he brought back didnt fancy me enough to ask me to join in either

Ronnie: busy getting out their way

Joe: leave it a couple years you’ll be a mature student and they ask less questions

Joe: how rude

Joe: after you told him about your massive cock and everything? 💔

Ronnie: go ed and dig me up when youve graduated then

Ronnie: 3s a crowd when 2 of em are scousers & the others from fuck knows where didnt have you to translate or the horse for scale

Joe: after an invite? Sure thing, sis

Joe: not Kent then, gutted

Ronnie: less questions you said put your ? away gobshite

Ronnie: not england but i aint a skinhead who cares so hes as alive as dorothy ever leaves em

Joe: people love that though

Joe: black EDL members and asian conservatives, such a laugh for ‘em

Ronnie: too late to go back and put the boot in now he ll have been shown the door & it wasnt me getting a name or number

Joe: his loss all ‘round then, I get it

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: alright, so I need linking

Ronnie: you got cash or you selling yourself

Joe: I’ve got cash, just not the contact

Ronnie: hand it over ill pick up for you

Joe: you think i’m that green

Ronnie: what colour do you reckon you are

Joe: you’ve got no prejudice, apparently, so what’s it matter

Joe: [picture of some of the multi-coloured bruises you acquired]

Ronnie: he was a pussy & you want me to connect you to people who aint

Ronnie: youre an easy target

Joe: you wanna pocket my money yourself instead, I get it

Joe: you can have a % of the shit, alright

Joe: not asking you to do it for nothing

Ronnie: thats all theyd do when you show up with your baby face and habit

Ronnie: ill take your money & still have it pocketed cos i dont need student loans to score no shit are you asking me to do it for nothing

Joe: what you gonna give me to keep hold of ‘til you give me mine

Ronnie: add an arm to your collection what do i care

Joe: yeah, what do ya

Ronnie: you want a easy pick up get a schoolboy plug i dont know any

Ronnie: i care about money youre ready to waste

Joe: that’s part of the appeal

Joe: why get it in a safe, nearly legitimate way

Joe: half the fun, eh, alright, alright

Joe: do it then, I don’t know no fucker else I can ask yet, I’ve gambled on worse

Ronnie: i just wanna get it thats the fun

Ronnie: get into a fight with whoever the fuck you like whenever for a pissing contest

Joe: you wanna start one ‘fore I’ve given you the cash and you’ve given me mine?

Joe: that’s blatant bullshit

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: save your childish excitement for the phone call home like

Joe: nah, you’re full of shit that it’s not just as much about the company and authentic experience

Joe: there’s plenty dealers that are nowt but businessmen

Joe: nothing but a transaction and they’ll sell to a junkie and city banker as one in the same

Joe: don’t act like you don’t have a deathwish or what was the point of taking me there and showing me

Ronnie: where the fuck am i meeting buisinessmen or getting the cash to pay em

Ronnie: dont be fucking rem

Joe: everyone’s stupid enough to wanna get their dick sucked over cold hard cash every other deal, no matter how presentable or legit they play

Ronnie: ive got the links ive got

Joe: fine

Joe: where you wanna do this then

Ronnie: whats your problem

Ronnie: [but a location anyway]

Joe: what’s mine

Joe: thought we’d covered that in length or are you less convinced now

Ronnie: convinced youve got fuck all to cry about

Joe: obviously

Joe: definitely bother with you if that were true

Ronnie: you wanted a big sister im doing all the hand holding

Joe: I never did and I still don’t

Joe: but you carrying on with the pretence if it makes you feel better

Ronnie: i didnt come to you or ask for fuck all to make me better

Joe: yeah you’re blameless

Joe: all in my fucked up head and not yours

Joe: what’s it like being an 👼🏼

Ronnie: i already told you you aint in my head & you werent in my veins for long enough to get fucking soft about it

Joe: i’ll be there in [however long that’d take you]

Ronnie: boss

Joe: you sound like them, you know

Ronnie: i dunno who the fuck youre talking about

Joe: the rest of the fam, of course

Joe: glad to see that the level of chatting bollocks to make yourself feel better is genetic, s’not depressing at all

Ronnie: that still dont clear fuck all up for me except that youre a bigger cunt than i thought

Joe: you don’t think about me

Joe: and none of that shit happened, your memory loss and confusion extends to that, don’t worry

Ronnie: you like me but you still compare me to em every chance you get

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: yeah, fuck me

Joe: like you haven’t just

Joe: forget it, actually forget it

Ronnie: youre as full of shit as you reckon I am

Ronnie: forget that its been ages & youre speaking up now cause you want something

Joe: i haven’t been able to flick my brain onto anything else, never mind shut it down, I haven’t slept or eat or done anything to take me away from it, you

Joe: and it meant nothing to you

Joe: fuck you

Ronnie: gear not me

Ronnie: theres the authentic experience you were going on about

Joe: no

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: this is what I mean

Joe: you know as well as I do what it was

Joe: why are you fucking lying and saying I am

Ronnie: im a junkie all i do is lie & nothing else means anything to me

Ronnie: youre worse than green if you dont fucking know that

Joe: you’re lying that it meant nothing

Joe: not lying that it did

Joe: even if it made you fucking sick, that isn’t nothing and I don’t believe you

Ronnie: dont believe me i dont care who the fuck are you

Joe: your brother

Ronnie: youre nothing

Joe: yeah right

Ronnie: the dealer means more

Joe: already pointed out you’re that much of a cliche

Ronnie: what we can’t both be a cliche take it then

Joe: never heard that one

Ronnie: nows your chance to make a final comparison between me & whatever family member you hate or are turned on by the most

Joe: final chance, alright then, sound even more stupid

Ronnie: sound like more of a pussy that youre kicking off over this but not gonna fuck off

Joe: why would I?

Joe: i’m not pretending that it weren’t a thing

Ronnie: nah youre pretending it was

Ronnie: whoever the fuck ever told you youre special is the liar here like

Joe: your mate don’t count, you ain’t done that before either so fuck off with your jaded routine

Ronnie: hes my brother when & where it counts

Joe: there’s no blood and no reason not to go there, that’s where it counts

Ronnie: if i wanted to fuck you too your ma wouldnt stop me she means even less than you

Joe: yeah

Joe: you and your life aren’t totally fucked because of how much you care

Ronnie: you dont know shit about me or my life

Joe: you wish

Ronnie: you dont

Joe: or do you, actually

Joe: you shove it in everyone’s face, what do you reckon everyone thinks

Ronnie: youve seen a few scars & now youve seen into my soul yeah

Ronnie: shut the fuck up for all you know i lived a couple of doors down from you for your whole bullshit childhood

Joe: you look like that and reckon it doesn’t scream mommy issues? Fuck off, you aren’t that dumb

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: everything you do is pure about her

Joe: not everything but I can admit she contributed

Ronnie: shes the 1st bitch to fuck me over but not the only is the difference between us

Ronnie: that unwanted bullshit was a pattern

Joe: you don’t know me either

Ronnie: i know you had a set of parents who kept hold of you however fucking west you were

Ronnie: no cunt was calling you racist shit or trying to touch you up

Joe: you’ve got a monopoly on fucked then, got it

Ronnie: like fuck have i but mine dont start & stop at mommy dearest how you think

Joe: of course it doesn’t

Joe: neither does mine

Ronnie: stop acting like youre an expert on how and why my head is wrecked and i wont have to kick yours in

Joe: you started it

Joe: but that’s good with me

Ronnie: get over yourself mckenna

Ronnie: you like what i start

Joe: i prefer the other night

Ronnie: yeah i like when youre getting punched in the face too

Joe: you can do the honours in a bit

Joe: fuck healing, yeah

Ronnie: what did your girlfriend say

Joe: oh, I got mugged and her dad’s gonna get her some pepper spray and a rape alarm 👍

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: but she ll have dreamt you fell off the horse only got the single fantasy in her

Joe: that her dad’s so responsible and caring? would be her #2 if she had the range

Ronnie: if hes delivering that shit in person let me know so i can start something with him

Joe: oh god

Joe: that reminds me

Joe: She wants to invite Charlie over for like, a dinner party or something

Ronnie: if her daddy is there hes gonna need that rape alarm back off her to fend off mary

Joe: 😂

Joe: idk if she’s that oblivious and now wants Charlie to fuck her, or she thinks he’s my only mate 🙄

Ronnie: shes over you baby i scared her off

Joe: or she thought you was gonna ask for a line 😏

Joe: if that’s true I’ll owe you, again

Ronnie: ket hook up

Joe: you think she’ll let her love be in pain on your behalf?

Joe: not likely

Ronnie: not gonna ask politely

Joe: hot

Joe: I was gonna hit you up sooner

Joe: I tried to find you after

Ronnie: you didnt try hard

Joe: I only had one eye, by that point

Ronnie: im an attention whore with screaming mommy issues cant make it no easier to spot me in a crowd

Joe: in that crowd?

Joe: or will you be pissy if I call you dime a dozen

Ronnie: still got the accent as my own personal rape alarm

Joe: where’d you go then

Ronnie: youre a tourist theres no point telling you

Joe: if you left with that lad, no need to go over the details, got the picture

Ronnie: why the fuck would i leave with him

Joe: you mean you weren’t in his pants for his benefit

Joe: careful, getting bit close to honesty

Ronnie: i mean to go where i dont need a horse or an en suite

Ronnie: youre a hopeless romantic like

Joe: that’s a new complaint, I’ll tell my exes

Joe: deffo their fault after-all, buzzing

Ronnie: how many are there

Joe: get less slut-shaming off Soph, cheek

Joe: I dunno, I had to keep it moving because of all the secret mommy issues, you know

Joe: I’ll do a tally

Ronnie: its not already carved into your arm no wonder theyre pissy at you

Joe: if that worked for any of ‘em they could come back from the ex thing

Joe: 💔

Ronnie: try her initials whatever the fuck they are in between dinner party courses and win her back

Joe: you should come

Ronnie: id be made up if she pepper sprays me

Joe: it’d be the only way this won’t be the worst evening ever

Ronnie: loads of ways to take out your other eye ill pass you a spoon

Joe: give a go doing my A-Z carving with it too

Joe: 🤞 she invites her twink classmate and you can try for your threesome

Ronnie: she’ll get in there before us cause youll have distracted me with the state of your cackhanded 💘 carving

Joe: can’t say I’d be sorry

Ronnie: you catholics invented anal but i reckon its overrated

Joe: you’d probably feel different if that’s where your g-spot was but can’t say I disagree with that either, not that that’s anything too deep to have in common so we’re fine

Joe: and raised strictly un-catholic so the pope can’t have a go

Ronnie: nah no cunt would find it if it was there either

Joe: 💔 baby

Ronnie: you mean it

Joe: yeah

Joe: which bit, though

Ronnie: my invite to the shitshow

Joe: ‘course

Joe: if it’s shit, you’ll only have yourself to blame for not livening it up enough

Joe: and I will have to kill myself if I have to be there sincerely

Ronnie: he knows about you

Ronnie: might wanna kill yourself if he opens his mouth

Joe: oh

Joe: so I’m gonna have to act all nice and respectful, yeah

Ronnie: if you wanna make me sound full of shit

Joe: what did you say?

Ronnie: told him i shot you he werent best pleased about it but youre not his brother so fuck all he can do

Joe: sweet

Joe: still not gonna fuck him though

Ronnie: hed get your g spot for you 🍒

Joe: not if he’s worried about my innocence

Ronnie: hes worried about my head getting wrecked not yours only bitch who is

Joe: you’ll have to tell him what you told me

Joe: I ain’t in there

Ronnie: you fairies bring everything back to your obsession with your mothers course hes no fucking exception

Ronnie: & cos i stole my file when i was a kid he thinks i give a shit too you were part of the happy 🏡 picture he was getting in a flap about but i tore through that 🌈 optimism with the 💉

Ronnie: you can have lively

Joe: better he knows than goes on about it

Joe: it’s far from 🌈☀️ even if you were up for it

Ronnie: every soft lad but him knows its ⛈ if not outright 🌨

Joe: when I started looking, if you were like them, I weren’t even gonna bother to talk to you

Joe: just give her the info and let her do it herself

Joe: but I knew you weren’t

Ronnie: told you youd have liked me at 9

Joe: 😏 yeah yeah

Ronnie: shed have bailed before scrolling that far back even with the pure messy sketchy shit kept off for the sake of dorothys cv

Joe: idk,she bangs on about her own glory days as ‘precaution’ enough

Joe: probably dead proud

Ronnie: raincheck on dinner i gotta go slit my throat after hearing that like

Joe: yeah, it’s real fun

Joe: far as starters go though, you’re welcome

Ronnie: cos you owe me go ed & drag my corpse there dress it up like horse girl and send her that info so i dont make her proud yeah

Joe: gotcha

Joe: the fibres sending Soph down are an unfortunate side-affect or added bonus, depending how you feel

Ronnie: dressing like a dyke art teacher is shady to my mourners hed have loved having me on the team

Joe: sure she wants to be buried in her jodhpurs, like

Joe: not gay but kink-adjacent, he’ll be alright

Ronnie: inside the horse youll have to hollow it out for her

Joe: poor horse not ready to be made into glue but there we go

Ronnie: but when youre ready to follow me to the grave only need a plastic bag

Joe: follow you anywhere, or whatever sounds good in a song

Ronnie: not had a little brother like that before

Ronnie: never know the mime is behind you or not

Joe: he shy or you cut his tongue out altogether

Ronnie: saving that for you cos i know how you feel about 🍒 & theres fuck all else left

Ronnie: hed never get attention whore out or mommy issues w & m forget it

Joe: I can feel the slutshame

Joe: there hasn’t been hundreds, come on

Joe: you were being weird, I needed to get you talking, it worked

Ronnie: how many then

Joe: I guess 6 total, not counting anyone before like 15 because that isn’t real, maybe 7 but we might be pushing the term girlfriend there

Ronnie: 💘 how many songs

Joe: not destined for the bin? Fuck all

Joe: cliche points off the charts though

Ronnie: i know youve seen the busking vids hes still got posted up that im in i cant say shit

Joe: you’re good

Joe: even when you have to go Top40 for the tips

Joe: class thing about the cello, looks more pitiful ‘cos the case is massive, people try to fill it, like

Ronnie: soz im not killing myself fast enough for you

Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy cliches 🖕

Joe: don’t worry, the songs were ‘insert name here’ jobs if they were anything

Joe: don’t wanna sound like I’m singing about a 75 year old bloke, do I

Ronnie: if itd been changed you wouldnt have found me shit at stalking as you are songwriting like

Joe: you’ve already got your own song anyway, don’t be greedy

Ronnie: ill keep you some 🐴 if youre not

Ronnie: 1st thing i tried if you do wanna follow after us

Joe: trip down memory lane we can both handle

Joe: ‘course

Ronnie: dont have any exes itll have to do

Joe: prefer the ket

Ronnie: write a song about it

Joe: [blatantly will in a pisstake way]

Ronnie: k gonna be dead easy to carve with the spoon can do it rattling

Joe: your faith in my abilities is appreciated

Ronnie: youre not fucking here youll have to

Joe: just got out the station hold on

Ronnie: fuck telling me to hold on you hurry up

Joe: if you shut up I can run

Ronnie: can you

Joe: fuck off i’m not that unfit 😂

Ronnie: nah dead fit far as homos and horse girls reckon

Joe: lucky me

Ronnie: youve had 7 bitches no cunts gonna feel sorry for you

Joe: all various shades of boring though

Ronnie: no shit

Joe: so you’re saying you ain’t gutted for me? 💔

Ronnie: your virginity sob story is like me in that crowd of cunts you couldnt find your way through

Joe: Christ, don’t remind me, first and last time I ever went near a virgin

Ronnie: theyre all older than you itd be pathetic well as boring

Joe: exactly

Joe: too much hassle having to worry about them, destroys any point of doing it

Ronnie: gotta put their kids in the cupboard as is

Joe: fortune in gaffa tape, like

Ronnie: still not 💔 mckenna going on about how flush you are since i met you

Joe: amazing how far you can stretch the loans when you steal Soph’s food and do fuck all that ain’t necessary

Joe: not like I actually dated any sugar mommies

Joe: should’ve, clearly but carefree 18-25s are easiest actually

Ronnie: gears necessary now youre gonna have to start stealing more than her pasta shapes

Joe: you’re my manager now, are you 😏

Joe: there’s shit I can do, music gigs, it’s fine

Ronnie: fine for your baby habit

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: alright doom and gloom

Joe: not gonna learn how to cover my teeth yet

Ronnie: fuck off & fuck you

Joe: i’m here so come say it to my face

Ronnie: youre not better than me cos you can nod through a cello practice

Joe: where’d I say I was

Ronnie: when you said how fucking functional you are

Joe: I didn’t, I said I could get cash, that’s all

Ronnie: so can i its not the fucking point

Joe: and I didn’t say you couldn’t so what’s yours

Ronnie: youre not a fucking kid at the pool if youre gonna pussy out cos the waters too cold fucking do it

Joe: I’m in and you know that

Joe: so let me in

Ronnie: bullshit are you

Ronnie: youre proud of yourself for treading water

Joe: you’ve got the plug, I’ve got the cash, what is the problem with that

Joe: it’s an equalizer, if anything

Ronnie: we ll never be equal

Ronnie: you can cover your arm run off to class & pick up another boring girl whenever the fuck you like

Joe: what do you want me to do, seriously

Joe: say it

Ronnie: stop talking

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: [Show up hun]

Ronnie: [I love the idea that they have to wait around for ages for this dealer in awkward silence haha]

Joe: [the casual tension]

Ronnie: [god knows what she’s gonna use to ease the tension with a lil bit o self harm because god knows where they even are, I worry about you and all the infections you would get gal]

Joe: [the casual one-upmanship until you’re interrupted]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not paying him in cash and we know why she’s not please don’t get into another fight Joseph]

Joe: [got to let that one go as she was specifically like you’re not better than me, probably fuck off whilst that happens ‘cos not gonna stick about]

Ronnie: [take your heroin and calm down huns]

Joe: [hope you take enough to pass out ‘cos you’re not gonna be in any sort of mood now either of ya lol]

Ronnie: [we’ll do you both that favour]

[soccialcreature]

rebels s4 first-time watch liveblogging! (just jedi knight on bcuz i only wanna watch the good eps of this show)

sorry. the hair is bad. maybe dont let a blind man give himself a haircut

kanan and hera r the only too bitches i care about in this house

theyre soooo cuuuute ugh

y go to the fuel depot tho that seems like a recipe for disaster

kanan didnt have to b dramatic about it i think they all cudve gotten away if he had just got in the ship. theyve been in tighter situations before

can kanan b a force ghost tho? just to talk to hera. idc about the others. hera seems rly broken up about this

hera: *crying*.  chopper:  bur bur. bur bur bur bur bur.    hera: *sniffles* youre right

ezra and hera reminiscing about kanan is actually really good and really hits :(

the side plot is stupid. y not just use a bomb-bomb and kill that little grey bitch. a fuckin paint bomb? r u serious?let zeb kill him bitch goddamnit zeb deserves a little murder. as a treat

what the fuck is happening

god fucking damnit dave u fucking furry ive had enough of these fucking wolves

i hate how they talk

EZRA SAID “AHSOKA” <33333

leave hera alone she needs like 5 fucking minutes to grieve her baby-daddie’s death goddamn

FUCK YEAHHHHH WE R GOING BACK TO THE JEDI TEMPLE i love the jedi i miss the clone wars :(

im gonna say it. the loth-cats cudve been cuter

ohmygod dave finally made his dream come true of having his characters ride wolves (bcuz he said he wanted ahsoka to ride a wolf at some point. but these guys riding wolves r fine too i guess. ahsoka makes anything cooler tho... jus sayin)

AHSOKA

this is some force-power-bullshit that i can GET BEHIND. TELEPORTING WOLVES HELL YEAH

WHY CUDNT THEY JUST FUCKING KEEP THE STORMTROOPER OUTFITS THAT THEY STOLE THE FIRST TIME WHY. DO THEY HAVE TO DO THIS SAME BULLSHIT EVERY. GODDAMN. EPISODE

they literally have no asses

who the fuck is this crusty bitch

COURUSCANT lets go there. i miss the clone wars :(

wait wheres rex. is he safe? is he alright?

y does sabine have to b here

good job ezra u got it. u cracked the code. ahsoka is the daughter <3

sorry nothing was happening so i blanked out for a bit but now we are in the world between worlds AND I AM HEARING THE VOICES OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS GOD I LOVE U GUYS OBI WAN AHSOKA ANAKIN I LOVE YALL

this scene is very cool tho

ugh stop can i skip the sabine scenes? i wanna hang out w ezra in the world between worlds

AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA

SO FUCKING COOOOOOOL

she shud do the thing again where she falls onto her back and kicks the enemy away i think thatd b rly fun

hellooooo hottie

ahsoka  <3

does she know shes the baddest bitch in the galaxy? i feel like she doesnt know. i feel like sabine thinks SHES the baddest bitch in the galaxy but rly its ahsoka

is it like ahsokas job is to dramatically go “anakin...” 

when did she name the fucking bird

ok god complex ezra

ahsokas been through so much shit in her lifetime. she can literally understand any trauma just name it

cud we not have done one more take to have my guy palps say ahsokas name correctly? i mean its not a huge deal but like. was he payed by the second???

“i will. i promise” ahsoka ur so fucking cute

wh

whered it go

how can the entire temple just skrrt away

REX

KALLUS

AHHH MY FRIENDS

WOLFFE AND GREGGOR

HONDO

okay what the fuck is happening y did everyone just show up

ahsoka said “ima take a nap hmu after the finale”

i hate this fuckin grey dude

hondo ily

sorry i stopped paying attention but wolffe just had a line so im back now

OHMYGOSH

BOYFRIENDS

KALLUZEB IN THE SAME FRAME OHMYGOODNESS

oh my fuck this next episode is HOW MANY MINUTES LONG?????

hera in this ep b like ‘am i gregnant?’

kallus ur the coolest bitch in this whole show (minus ahsoka)

go hera <3

yo what the fuck

this episode is 47 goddamn minutes so that we have time for this pig catapulting bullshit?

the whole second half of this show is just the writers making excuses to have thrawn do absolutely nothing while still pretending like he’s a threat

why r there 2 separate animal dues ex machinas in this finale?

yoooo ezra i actually rly like u bro :(((

hey where the fuck is darth vade y did he just dip out of the show. i feel like he cud help the empire out in this situation

very weird that thrawn supports sabines patreon or whatever the fuck

heyyyy palpatine what the fuck

they were rly broken up about kanans death for like. an episode. but theyre chill now theyre over it

y is palpatine into ezra?

can kallus and zeb smooch? just once? please? wud that b so hard?

how is this pig not dead

oh lmao he is dead hahahahahahah

im still confused about how greggor didnt die in clone wars. i thought he died? was i tripping?

palpatine is trying so hard not to saw “dewit” right now

what does destroying the temple accomplish?

HOW R THEY STORMTROOPERS MISSING THESE SHOTS WHAT THE FUCK HE IS A STATIC TARGET

oh so NOW ull kill the little grey bitch

GOD FUCK THE PIG IS ALIVE????? ARGH U AINT CUTE BITCH. JUST DIE

y cant he get out of there tho

bro a bitch is crying

yooo

theyre dating

hera’s makeup

the way i broke down when i saw ahsoka

tears

[presidentrhodes]

Spider-Man Far From Home spoilers

I just finished watching it and, honestly, I’d say it was a pretty good way to bid farewell to the first three phases of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 

Spoilers under the cut. This is pretty long and rambly. 

1. Midtown high is supposed to be a school for geniuses but these little shits use comic sans in tribute videos and steal watermarked Getty Images pictures to put in them. I loved it, particularly with the song choice and the fact that Vision’s picture was from the Civil War airport standoff in Leipzig — that means only Peter could’ve provided it and no one bothered to ask how he got it. 

2. Tom Holland really wasn’t kidding when he said the film was a love letter to RDJ/Tony Stark. He was everywhere, his sacrifice was being recognised around the world: they even had a documentary on him, which was available in the in-flight entertainment, plus, there were murals and photographs in Venice and Prague. He was very much present throughout the film. 

3. EDITH. In a nutshell, it’s an augmented reality-enabled AI that controls a tactical and defensive system Tony built to protect Earth in the aftermath of his demise. Think Ultron’s perfect self minus the winning personality — EDITH controls a bunch of massive Stark Industries satellites in orbit that are equipped with thousands of weaponised drones. It can remotely target individual threats and take them out with simple voice commands. It also is able to connect to any network in the vicinity, so, Peter was able to see what his classmates were doing on their devices. 

I’ve already seen so many angry posts comparing EDITH to Project Insight without taking into account a) intent; and b) the reality of the MCU. Tony didn’t build EDITH for the same reason Zola built Project Insight. The former was meant to be a last or first line of defence, controlled by an Avenger Tony personally trusted. The latter was a means to subjugate the world population to Hydra’s will. 

All tech in the MCU is dangerous when it falls into the wrong hands — that’s why they’re called the wrong hands and why Steve once said the safest hands are their own. The supersoldier serum gave us Steve Rogers; it also gave us the Winter Soldiers, a bunch of dangerous, invincible highly-trained assassins. Pym particles gave us Ant-Man and the Wasp as well as time travel; it also gave us Yellowjacket, who immediately wanted to weaponise the tech. The Iron Man suit gave us Iron Man; but also gave us Iron Monger, who wanted to build an army of metal soldiers. Wakanda’s highly-advanced weapon systems were able to withstand a full-scale invasion from the Outriders, but those same weapons almost started a global war in Killmonger’s hands. Project Insight and Ultron showed us the bad side of AI; JARVIS, Vision, FRIDAY, Karen and EDITH, to an extent, showed us the good side of AI.

The point is, technology in the wrong hands will always be a bad thing yet people only seem to gripe about Stark tech while ignoring every other piece of advanced technology we’ve seen weaponized or misused. I wonder why. Since the MCU canonically isn’t made up of one big Luddite colony, there’ll always be new technology being developed and bad guys finding ways to abuse them. 

Just look at the holographic tech Mysterio designed while at Stark Industries. Even before he was fired, his ambitions were grander and afterwards, he weaponized it and willingly sent people to their dooms so that he could play a hero. When 16-year-old Peter Parker, MJ and Ned — literal children — found out the truth and Mysterio risked being exposed as a fraud, he actively tried to kill them. Mysterio beat the shit out of Peter and threw him in front of an incoming high-speed train, so, no, I don’t care if Tony Stark was mean to him by firing him, he was a piece of shit who tried repeatedly to kill a kid. 

Tony, meanwhile, spent $600+ million on the holographic tech to design B.A.R.F — a technology with some really promising applications in the MedTech sector to help people overcome their PTSD and trauma. That’s the fucking difference between a superhero and a supervillain.

Sure, EDITH also has massive privacy concerns. That’s on Tony, but after the Decimation, I think people have bigger problems to worry about than whether Peter Parker is snooping on their text messages. Ultimately, EDITH offers Peter, and whoever else is going to fill up the Avengers roster in the future, a plan B to strike the bad guys from a safe distance. I

4. Tony left Peter in charge of EDITH. Not the Avengers, not SHIELD, and definitely not the US Department of Defense — a fact that actually pissed off Mysterio. Tony left it in Peter’s hands because he knew Spider-Man took the meaning of responsibility far more seriously than he ever did. All those years ago, Peter told him if one could do the things he could, and they didn’t, and then the bad things happened, they happened because of them. And, honestly, if anyone deserves to have control over such a potentially dangerous piece of tech that can help in future battles, then it’s Peter — even more so than Tony. 

5. Again, Peter is 16 in this film and still coping with loss and trauma. He willingly gave controls of EDITH to Quentin because Mysterio had everyone fooled, including Nick Fury/Talos — they’re both highly experienced soldiers. Fooling them wouldn’t have been easy and Mysterio’s plan was extremely well thought-out and perfectly executed. Peter redeem himself in the end and takes back control of EDITH. 

6. Peter and MJ were super adorable. Spider-Man is the only franchise apart from Iron Man, where the secondary lead characters are allowed to grow without it all being about the main hero. MJ is allowed to explore her feelings for Peter and measure them against Brad’s affection. Ned is allowed to also grow in his character and be more than Spider-Man’s best friend/guy in a chair. 

7. Happy and May were also adorable.

8. Happy ruined a perfectly good bed of tulips just to rescue May’s nephew and give him the TLC/pep talk he needed after, again, Beck pushed Peter in front of a high-speed train that would’ve killed an ordinary person. 

9. Peter confusing ACDC with Led Zeppelin is the most Gen Z thing ever. Happy watched Peter design his own suit and it reminded him of the times he spent watching Tony tinker in his lab. You could feel Tony’s absence pretty viscerally in that scene on the jet. 

10. Peter tingle. Lol. 

11. Happy’s words about Tony were beautiful. He said something along the lines of, “Tony was my best friend. He second-guessed everything he did. He was a mess. But the one thing he didn’t second-guess was picking you.” That really furthered the Iron Dad Spider Son narrative.

12. Iron Zombie was the w o r s t thing ever. Again, Beck emotionally manipulated 16-year-old Peter Parker and said if Peter was any good, his mentor would still be alive just as he projected an illusion of a decaying Iron Man corpse attacking him. To give you a sense of how manipulative he really is, he told his guy in the chair that Peter’s blood will be on his hands because he had failed to report a missing drone part that MJ had discovered in Prague. 

13. Peter finally understanding that he doesn’t have to be the next Tony Stark or Iron Man. He just needs to be the next Spider-Man and Peter Parker. 

14. Peter choosing to safeguard EDITH. 

15. J. Jonah Jameson and J.K. Simmons. That is all. He’s the MCU equivalent of Alex Jones and I love him so much. I wonder if this means we’ll see Doctor Strange offer Peter his help to erase everyone’s memories about the reveal of his secret identity. 

16. Every Nick Fury scene automatically becomes 2000x funnier when you realize it’s Talos posing as Fury and 90% of the time, he has no idea what the fuck is going on and he’s just winging it as he goes along. Also, he was furious that he and his wife, as members of a shapeshifting species, were unable to detect Mysterio’s ruse. 

17. Mysterio was a douchebag. Apart from trying to kill actual kids because he feared they might expose him, he did nothing worthy of a hero. He was jealous and angry about Tony, and he wanted to usurp Iron Man without doing any of the hard work. He willingly put people in danger, was prepared to sacrifice people to make his actions seem more realistic and wanted to take credit for saving the day and preventing an Avengers-level catastrophe. I’ve already seen reviewers trying to sympathise with Mysterio, and his persistent attempts to kill a 16-year-old kid because Tony was apparently mean to him. 

18. And, no, Tony did not steal B.A.R.F tech from Mysterio as some review sites are claiming. The narrative is unreliable at best because we hear only Quentin’s point of view — the same Quentin who had been using his holographic tech to deceive people and put them in harm’s way because he wanted to shake the Queen’s hands or some misguided bullshit. He deserved to fired. Plus, he was a Stark Industries employee. Tech companies almost always own the patent to whatever tech you design or invent for them when you’re on their payroll. It’s how corporations work.

19. Tony quoted Henry IV to Fury when he told him to give EDITH to Peter and said Spidey wouldn’t get the reference (Heavy is the head that wears the crown) because it’s not Star Wars. It was a nice, poignant moment — made funnier when you realize that’s Talos in disguise, which means at some point, Fury had to have a conversation with him about Shakespeare and Star Wars. Someone pls write the fic. 

20. The most important thing is that this film actually tried to address the Decimation. Endgame pretended to gloss over it to give Gay Joe Russo his 15 minutes of fame. But this film actually started with May and Peter organizing an event to help the displaced. Pepper sent a huge check and apologized for not being able to make it in person. :( 

20a. I love Jake Gyllenhaal. I had expected Quentin to be a dramatic thot but he really brought a lot of depth to the character. 

Overall, I liked the film a lot more than I had anticipated. Some people are going to scrutinize this film to death to prove Tony was the ultimate MCU villain and, hey, if that’s the hill they choose to die on, I don’t really care. After 11 years and 23 films later, if they still think that Tony was the real villain all along, then nothing we say or Marvel does, will change their mind. 

Personally, I thought this film was a good send off to Tony, now that they’ve firmly established that Peter Parker/Spider-Man is going to be the new face of the MCU and will carry with him the Iron Man legacy. He wasn’t always right and a lot of his choices tended to backfire but, in the end, his motivations were good and he still went out as the man who saved the world. He, unlike Beck, or Vulture before him, never tried to kill a child, not even when he brought him to a parking lot brawl among friends. 

Now, if only Marvel can just leave Tony’s legacy alone and let Peter, and the rest of the MCU, thrive on its own instead of retconning established Iron Man lore to fit new narratives. 

[itsroguelife]

Bellarke at Vormir AU

ONE SHOT TIME, WE HAVE BELARKE IN MARVEL, GOING TO VORMIR... WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHO WILL MAKE THE SACRIFICE? Read this oneshot to find out.....

WAKANDA

"Bellamy?"

Bellamy turned to hear his sister's voice after he watched TChalla and Groot disappear into ash, he saw Octavia holding up her hand as it began to disintegrate.

"O?"

Bellamy ran as he caught her as she collapsed into his arms hugging him, "Bell- don't let me go! Please, I'm scared- Don't let go!" She pleaded terrified of the darkness.

He held onto her tears welling up in his eyes, "O- please..." As his pleads barely left his mouth Octavia Blake became non-existent in his arms...

TITAN

Clarke walked with the group towards the Guardian's ship, she was having issues with her side that was no longer bleeding thanks to Stark helping her but still it hurt like a bitch.

Madi was back near Peter talking to him about the fight, Clarke noticed her little crush on Stark's prodigy, it was kind of cute actually. She swears Stark is already planning their wedding.

Madi came up to her as she gave her a worried look, "you okay?"

Clarke caressed her cheek, "I'm okay," she smiled, "how's your head?"

Madi had gotten hit by Thanos, making Clarke freak out and hit him with a power blast, protective mother mode man.

"It's okay," she smiled, "it's not bad anymore, I'm thriving."

"Good girl."

Mantis looked up, "something's happening?"

They looked at her as suddenly she disappeared into dust.

Everyone jumped back expecting this as Clarke grabbed onto Madi's arm.

"Quill?"

Drax was next as he became dust.

"C-Clarke what is happening?" Madi asked.

Clarke shook her head, "T-Thanos-"

"Steady Quill," Tony tried.

"Oh man."

Just like that he disappeared too.

"Stark," Clarke called as the man looked at her, she shook her head scared for herself and more importantly Madi.

"C-Clarke?"

She turned as she saw Madi's left arm start to turn to dust.

"NO!"

She reached for her child as she turned to dust at her finger tips.

She froze as she felt her knees collapse under her feet.

Madi...

No...

Not her...

Not her...

Why couldn't it have been me?

5 YEARS LATER

Clarke pulled her hair back in a pony tail as she sat on the counter taking a drink of her whiskey, she took a deep breath feeling sad again. It's been 5 years but her hearts still shattered.

She lives at the Avengers Compound with Natasha, it's better than being alone...

"You okay?"

She closed her eyes feeling annoyed, "I don't need a therapy session Steve."

Steve just leaned against the door frame, "I'm not here as a therapist I'm here as a friend."

"Well your friend is busy."

"Busy drinking?"

She just gave him a look as he smiled, "don't become Bellamy, please, I know who you are, you would never waste your life. You are a hero, Clarke."

"A failure you mean."

"Don't say that, we couldn't stop him, but that doesn't mean we can't move on."

"Move on?!" Clarke suddenly threw the whiskey at the wall as Steve frowned, she put her head in her hands.

"Clarke..."

"Look I'm sorry alright?" She whispered not looking up, "it's just... It doesn't feel like it's been five years since Thanos did what he did. It's like I'm watching the world slowly go back to the way it was but I'm just stuck... I lost everything that day, my friends... My daughter. I lost and I'm still lost. How am I supposed to move on? How are we supposed to move on? After so many people are gone because of our failure?"

"It's hard," Steve told her as tears fell, "but we have to find a way to move on, I tell that to the group everyday so yes it's a force of habit but I know we can. We lost, yes, but we are still here. The world is in our hands."

Clarke closed her eyes.

"I just wish we could go back..."

"Let me get this straight," Bellamy began after they explained the idea of time travel to him, "you're telling me that you all want to go back in time before the snap and bring them all back?"

They all stared at him as he became angry, he had been getting drunk none stop since the Snap so he was very much drunk, "you expect me to believe this shit?!"

Raven looked at him, "Scott thinks there's a way too-"

"To what?" He hissed, "bring back billions and billions of dead people? You are all insane!"

Steve stepped up, "son, you need to listen to us-"

He hit his hand off his shoulder, "do not call me son, I'm not your son so stop acting like a concerned father Everytime you see me! I lost my sister and Ive accepted i can't bring her back!"

"By drinking all the time?" Raven asked.

"I don't expect you to understand Raven, you didn't lose your other half!"

Raven looked down as she looked at Nat who sat quietly.

"Bellamy," Clarke walked in, it had taken her a minute as well to believe but now she does, "we can't let Thanos get away with this, we can bring Octavia back, we can bring Madi back," a hopeful smile spread on her lips.

Bellamy breathed heavily, "Clarke..." He hadn't seen her in almost a year, it was strange seeing her again, her hair was longer a little under her shoulders, she looked good all things considered.

"I... I can't, no, no, I won't put my hope in something impossible. I can't have that pain hit me, I wouldn't survive it."

With that Bellamy walked out as they all sighed.

"He'll come around," Natasha spoke, "with Tony on board, we can do this and he'll see that there is hope."

Clarke nodded, hope... Yes, that's what she needs. Hope to get everyone back. To give Madi her future. That's all that matters.

Whatever it takes.

"So all we have to do is go back and get the stones before Thanos gets them," Scott recapped as they stood in the time travel suits on the Quantum Tunnel.

"Is that all?" Clarke asked chuckling nervously.

"No time for humor," Steve says, "we all have our missions, get the stones and bring them back, we are all going to a place we may know but doesn't mean we should expect what is coming. We all have our missions, get it done."

"He's pretty good at that."

"Right?"

Raven and Natasha was hanging back as the others were on this Time Heist.

Clarke's helmet turned on as she felt the Quantum Tunnel swallow her as well as her team!

They traveled to their each targets as Clarke and Bellamy traveled to 2014 with Nebula and Rhodey.

"Be safe," Rhodey tells Clarke as he engulfed the girl he cared about in a hug.

"You too, Rhodey," Clarke smiled.

Bellamy gave Nebula a half hug as she had really helped him along the way of losing his sister, "come back safely."

"You too," Nebula said as she nodded.

"Watch eachothers six!"

Clarke and Bellamy smiled at their friend as they always watched eachothers backs, she placed a hand on his shoulder smiling at Bellamy as they got into the ship.

They sat in the flyers seats watching as space went by, Clarke smiled in wonder as Bellamy looked at her admiring her, "we are far from the drop ship, Princess."

Clarke and Bellamy arrived on Vormir, it was a beautiful but eerie place, a place that Clarke would never want to stay on- it seemed like death and she didn't want to be forever surrounded in that.

They climbed the mountain getting tired as they reached the top.

"I bet the raccoon didn't have to climb a mountain," Bellamy groaned.

Clarke laughed, "yeah well, they always give us the /fun/ adventures."

"Welcome," suddenly they both got in stance against the person who spoke, "Clarke daughter of Jake."

Clarke stiffened at the mention of her father.

"Bellamy son of Markus."

Bellamy shifted at the mention of his father he only knew as his biological father after his death.

"Who are you?" Bellamy ordered for answers.

"I am like you," Red Skull told them, "I am someone who also seeked the stones but i wasn't worthy and they left me as someone who only gave others safe passage to the stones."

Bellamy glanced at Clarke who was also confused, "we didn't ask for a history lesson, red face."

"Where's the Soul Stone?" Clarke asked cutting to the chase eager to get Madi back.

"It is here."

Red Skull led them to a cliff edge.

"Its down there?" Bellamy asked.

"What lies infront of you is what you seek but also what you fear," Red Skull told them, "to get the Stone requires eternal sacrifice- a soul," Bellamy and Clarke looked at eachother, "for a soul."

"I dont understand," Clarke spoke as she turned, "how do we get the Soul Stone?"

"And actually explain it please," Bellamy told him.

"To get the Soul Stone you must lose what you love," Red Skull told them, "it demands a sacrifice, a soul for a soul, eternal sacrifice..."

Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake both realized what he had meant as they felt their stomachs fall.

Clarke sat in denial her mind thinking about what had to be done and Bellamy was in denial trying to annoy Red skull.

"Hello!" He waved at him chuckling, "haha, fucking bullshit," he shook his head as he looked at Clarke, "this is bullshit, he's hiding the stone, this has to be a trick."

Clarke shook her head, "I don't think so..."

"Why?" Bellamy questioned, "Clarke, this isnt a sacrifice situation, we have to fight for this. This is our stand."

"No," she stood, "Thanos came here with Gamora, he left without her and with the Soul Stone! How do you think he got it!"

Bellamy stood their wordless.

"Eternal sacrifice," Clarke repeated, "a soul for a soul."

Bellamy took a heavy breath, looking down, he remembered his sister, "my sister, my responsibility... Whatever it takes."

Clarke smiled sadly, "whatever it takes."

Bellamy met Clarke's eyes, "Clarke... I have to tell you something," he took a deep breath deciding to admit what he had hid for so long, soon his time will come to an end for his sister, "I-"

"I love you," Clarke spoke first her heart pounding out of her chest, "I know... I should have told you so many times but now- now it's too late, I can't die before I tell you-"

He cut off her rambling by pulling her into a kiss, his arm around her waist as she touched his face kissing him back.

"I love you too," Bellamy told her a smile on his face as Clarke rested her forehead to his, "but i won't let you die for me, Clarke, you don't deserve that, you deserve a future with Madi."

Clarke shook her head, "Bellamy no, no," she grabbed his arm, "I won't let you do that! You need to live your life and be happy! I have done too many bad things to live on, let me do this, let Wanheda become the sacrifice."

"Clarke," Bellamy shook his head touching her face pulling her closer, "you judge yourself too harshly, i see the real you, you are so beautiful inside and out, you make a better man because I want to better for you! I can't let you die for me, not after all the times I left you. Clarke, you are my family, my life, and my love, I won't let you die."

Clarke felt tears fall as she kissed him crying as she did so.

He wiped her tears as she kissed back, "I love you," he told her.

"I love you too," Clarke cried, damn you, Blake," she slapped his chest not that hard, "you win... You win."

Bellamy smiled tears falling as he kissed her cheek lovingly. He turned towards the cliff taking a deep breath.

Suddenly Clarke shock lashed him making him fall!

"I'm sorry, I lost everyone else I've loved, I won't let you die too."

Clarke told him as she took a running start all of a sudden Bellamy got up as he shot a blast as her feet making her fall to the side!

Bellamy got up, "it's okay, Princess, our time is up."

He started to run as Clarke watched him in fear, his eyes locked with hers as he jumped off the Cliff!

Clarke suddenly jumped off the Cliff as she grabbed onto Bellamy!

They both fell as Bellamy hit the wire on his belt to catch them!

His hand grasped Clarke's as he held her as tightly as he could!

"No!" Bellamy tried to pull on the wire, "no! This isnt- no!"

"Bellamy..." Clarke whispered, she felt tears fall as she locked eyes with him, "I love you."

"Please no... Clarke please! I need you! The heart and the head!"

"The heart and the head," Clarke smiled sadly.

She suddenly kicked the Cliff pushing her body back as her hand fell from Bellamy's as he screamed for her!

She felt herself falling as Bellamy screamed as loudly as he could at the top of his lungs.

Clarke hit the ground as her body broke under the fall- dying slowly from blood loss and her soul fell into a darkness...

Bellamy cried as he couldn't tear his eyes off of his soulmate as he cried as suddenly a white light engulfed him!

Bellamy woke up in water as he sat up, his mind a fuzz as he looked at his hand that something glowing in it, he opened seeing the soul stone!

Tears fell, as Bellamy clutched it to his chest close to his heart crying as he screwed his eyes shut his mind all over the place...

The Time Heist came back to present as Bellamy stood there soaked in water and depression washed over him, his partner no longer by his side which was quickly noticed by the others.

"Bellamy," Rhodey realized, "where's Clarke?"

Bellamy couldn't look at them as his hand gripped the soul stone...

Everyone fell silent knowing what happened...

Clarke Griffin had sacrificed herself.

The Commander of Death had fallen.

Whatever it takes indeed.

//If anyone wants a part twooo let me know

[chocoholicannanymous]

If the Spit Hits the Fan Pt VI (Glee)

Have another chunk of WIP. It’s...going. Somewhat.

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV and pt v. 

Going back to school the next week isn't exactly a joy. Being thrown into a bigger role with practically no preparation had meant skimping on schoolwork in order to manage, meaning he's got some catching up to do now. Only he's also got the final days of campaigning for class president to do. And trying to be supportive when it comes to his dad's campaign.

He kind of wishes he had it in him to just bow out of the election. With Tony on his resume Kurt doesn't need it to pad his application any longer, and it's quite honestly more of a hassle than it's worth. However, it's not who he is. Kurt Hummel doesn't back down just because things are difficult, and this isn't going to be the first time. Of course, he might have, under other circumstances but not this time. Rachel's already withdrawn, meaning his opponents are down to Rick the Stick and Brittany. Which...no.

Brittany's a dear, but Kurt doesn't see her as a viable candidate. Not just because she shouldn't even be allowed to run, what with her GPA and everything, but because she's just running to make Santana happy. She wouldn't know what to do should she win.

And yet, all of the reasons why she isn't a good choice withstanding, Brittany's still the better option. Having someone clueless and probably useless is better than someone who's definitely useless, a bully and who knows how to use any and all position to treat others like shit.

Neither is a truly good option though, and so Kurt's hanging in there even though he'd rather not.

He wins. Only he doesn't. And that's not even the worst part.

“You want to suspend me? Not only are you taking senior class president away from me, but you want to suspend me as well? No.”

Kurt glares at Mr Figgins and Mr Schue – and why is he here anyway? – and raises a hand when they begin talking.

“I didn't cheat. So why should I be the one punished here?”

“We have witness to you sharing your plan.”

“Oh my god. I made a joke. I was worrying that beating the candidate who promised to walk around topless if she won – and I'm still waiting for an official reaction to that, by the way – and made a stupid joke about stuffing the ballot boxes. Like John F Kennedy.

“But that was all it was, a joke. This? Wasn't me. It's clear someone decided to sabotage the election.”

“Please.” Mr Schue. Why can't he just shut up and stop pretending like he cares? “Are we supposed to believe someone else stuffed the ballot boxes with your name, as a sabotage?”

A part of Kurt wants to just let them do this, to lie down and let them walk all over him, and then go home and cry. Call Sebastian – since no one else is likely to believe him – and complain about how unfair all of this is. But.

He couldn't fight being passed over for Tony. He couldn't fight Blaine disappearing. This he can fight.

Not to mention that a suspension for cheating won't not going to look good on his college applications.

“It wouldn't be the first time an election has been sabotaged to get to me. Sure, this isn't prom queen, but still. It's been done before, and whoever was behind that saw that the school would do nothing.

“Plus, it doesn't have to be about me. My father is running for congress, and if I were to be suspended for cheating it would reflect badly on him. It's not exactly hard to come up with reasons why a gay-friendly, arts-friendly congressman wouldn't be popular with certain people. And it's not like it would be the first sabotage there, would it? Just look at what happened to Santana Lopez.”

Kurt might not be that eager for class president any longer, but if this is about sabotaging his dad then he's not going to let it happen.

“Kurt,” and it's Mr Schue's I'm-disappointed-in-you voice. “I understand that you're upset, but trying to blame Sue for your actions is–”

“Again, no. Stop. I never said that. I never mentioned names. I do find it interesting that the first thing on your mind was coach Sylvester though, but that's on you. Me, I'm not willing to judge without proof.

“Mr Figgins. I expect to hear the results of your investigation during our next meeting.”

“Our next meeting? Mr Hummel, I think you have misunderstood things. There will be no more meetings. There is only this one, to inform you of your suspension.”

“Considering that the school's rules clearly state that a parent is to be present for all meetings regarding suspensions and expulsions, I'm fairly sure that we need to have at least one more meeting. My father is, after all, not present.”

There's some hemming and hawing, since apparently Mr Figgins doesn't think Burt Hummel's presence is necessary. Kurt disagrees. Just because he's a legal adult doesn't change the rules.

“Well, your father clearly didn't feel the need to be here, so I see no point in rearranging things just to please your sudden desire to follow the rules.”

And that...that's not okay.

“Mr Figgins. Stop. My father is in a closed meeting, and has been all day. I sincerely doubt you managed to get through to him, as it's emergencies only. Therefor it's not a question of him not 'feeling the need' but instead of him not being informed. If you push through this without his presence he'll be very upset.”

It's very pleasing to see Mr Figgins pale and start to stutter. It's clear that Burt Hummel's threats regarding the Defying Gravity diva-off is still alive and well in the man's head.

The next day is not fun. Kurt spends too much of it being told that he needs to confess and take his punishment. First there's Mr Schue, of course. Then Santana, who's upset on Brittany's behalf, and Rachel, who has switched to bitch-mode again, and even Mercedes.

Kurt stops listening to anyone outside of his teachers before lunch, and spends his free time hiding out in the library, either doing homework or texting Sebastian. (And the irony, it burns.)

It takes two days, and a very angry phonecall from his dad, for the meeting to happen.

Mr Schue's not present this time, for which Kurt's thankful. It might not be as good for Mr Figgins though, as it means he's the sole target of Burt Hummel's fury.

The man spouts a lot of bullshit, is basically trying to bully Kurt into confessing to something he's already said he didn't do, and doesn't even seem to realize that he's only making things worse. He also admits to not having investigated the extra ballots. It's clear that in Mr Figgins' mind there is no need to find another culprit when Kurt exists.

Of course, he tries to frame it differently, but that's what he's saying.

Even if it gets them nowhere Kurt still gets the pleasure of hearing his dad verbally nail the man to the wall. And then, after pointing out all the things Kurt mentioned the day before along with a few others, he goes for the throat.

“What was the final count?”

“I'm sorry?”

“What. Was. The. Final. Count? How many votes for each candidate?”

Mr Figgins hems and haws, but Burt Hummel isn't backing down. He just stares at the principal until what's left of the man's spine crumbles and he starts mumbling.

“Could you repeat that? In a volume meant for humans, this time.”

“Mr Nelson received about 50 votes, while Miss Pierce received almost 200.”

“And Kurt?”

“We're not –”

“How many votes did Kurt get? Exactly.”

The answer is 512. 512! That's... Even if he disregards the fake votes, that's still a lot more that Kurt'd ever dared to believe.

“Mhm. And how many fake votes did you say there were again?”

Oh. There are about 500 seniors at McKinley, give or take, and close to 800 ballots. Even if they round it up to 600 and claim all the false votes had Kurt's name on them there were still over 300 votes for him. He won. He should be senior class president.

“So what you're saying is that my son got the most votes, even if you remove all the fake ones, and instead of congratulating him or even redoing the election you want to take that away from him and suspend him? Is that how you run this school, Figgins?”

Listening to his dad Kurt feels his own rage responding. He tries to hold it back, but when Mr Figgins tries to come up with some kind of answer as to why this was the school's response he snaps.

“It's obvious isn't it? I ran on an anti-bullying platform. If I win then that's the students saying McKinley do have a problem with bullying, regardless of what Mr Figgins and the rest of the faculty like to claim.”

Kurt knows he sounds much too bitter, but he's had it. Mr Figgins has spent three years protecting the bullies instead of Kurt. It ends here though. If that means letting his father use – or even abuse – his new power, then Kurt will take it. Happily even.

It's too late to save his time at McKinley. This is to save his future – and that of everyone coming after him.

He can hear his dad gear up to hand Mr Figgins his ass, and as satisfying as it'd be in a way Kurt doesn't have the energy for it. He's beyond done.

“Here's what's going to happen. You, Mr Figgins, will tell the faculty and everyone else who asks that I'm innocent. I don't care how you explain the stuffed ballot boxes, or your lack of an investigation, as long as you make it clear that you had no grounds for accusing me. You will also write a letter stating the same, right now, and sign it for me.”

“And why exactly would I do any such thing?”

“Because if you don't I'm going to sue. Not just the school, but you personally. Starting with defamation of character. But, since my dad taught me that if you're going to do something you should do it properly, I won't stop there. If you force me to sue I will make sure to bring up every time this administration has failed me. And that's a lot, Mr Figgins.

“You might think you can get away with doing nothing, but this is the kind of case that the ACLU does pursue. And if they don't I just so happens to have an in with the State's Attorney. Not to mention that unlike you I have this little thing called proof.”

Even such a miserable little cockroach as Jacob ben Israel has his uses, and this is one. Before agreeing to come back to McKinley Kurt made copies of every video Jacob had posted of bullying, and he's kept it up afterwards. By now there are a lot of them. Considering the amount that shows faculty members ignoring it... Yeah, he's got enough for McKinley to be in serious trouble.

Judging by Mr Figgins' facial expression he knows it as well.

“Also, if you do this I will gracefully bow out.2

Once the letter is written and signed Kurt makes Mr Figgins read it to him before taking it – making sure it gets on the recording he's secretly making on his phone, since he wouldn't be the least surprised to find Mr Figgins breaking their agreement.

“And how am I to know that the two of you won't continue this, this witch-hunt against the school?”

A witch-hunt. From Kurt's side. It'd be a great joke if it wasn't such an absolute reverse of what's been going on since he first entered McKinley. Kurt'd laugh, really, only he's afraid he'd choke on the bitterness.

“First of all, because unlike you I keep my word. Second, because I won't be here. I had a very interesting talk with headmaster Barnes over at Dalton the other day,” and wow, Mr Figgins' face turns an amazing shade of purple, “and he offered me a place there. Apparently he's rather upset with you – something about repeatedly ensuring him that bullying is no longer an issue at McKinley?”

Since one of those reassurances had been right after junior prom Mr Figgins has every reason to look like he's going to stroke out. Having been caught lying to another educator doesn't look good, especially not when said educator has friends on the school board.

“I've decided to accept the offer, seeing as it's once again been proved that no one at  McKinley is ever going to try and treat me fairly.”

In the end Kurt walks out feeling rather pleased with the talk.

As he walks from Mr Figgins' office to the choir room the speaker system comes alive and announces that while there's been some irregularities Brittany Pierce is McKinley's new senior class president. Not a word about Kurt. He'll have to deal with that later – provided, of course, that his dad didn't hear it.

He's early, as classes don't let out for another 10 minutes. That time, Kurt decides, is best spent listening to music and steeling himself. The rest of the group won't be pleased to hear he's leaving, even if they haven't exactly made him feel welcome lately. Chances are Santana and Brittany will show up too, to gloat – at least in Santana's case – meaning things can get really ugly.

They do. One of these days, Kurt thinks, I'd really like to be wrong about something unpleasant.

He allows them a couple of minutes before slamming his hand into the chair next to him. The sound silences the others and he rises to tell them what's what.

“It's really interesting to see how this group, my so-called friends and the teacher who always talks about being there for us, decided to throw all kind of support out the window. You of all people should remember how I've been treated here. For instance, you were all there when I ended up prom queen because someone decided they just couldn't stand not being able to bully me.

“And yet now that another election's been sabotaged not a single one of you stops to think that maybe this wasn't something I did but instead something that was done to me.

“To think that I would have said you were my best friends.”

There are quite a few guilty-looking faces, but also a few stubborn ones. Santana is among the latter.

“Yeah? Well, we all remember how you said winning this was important to you, so you could get into a school full of Berrys. In my book you're one to talk, ruining Brit's glory like that.”

Rachel is visibly torn between nodding along and being upset over Santana's barbed remark, and Kurt's just...done.

“Don't worry, Santana. I won't be ruining anything for anyone. Not anymore. I'm done. I've been offered to come back to Dalton, and things being what they are I accepted. As of,” he checks the clock, “27 minutes ago I'm no longer a student at McKinley.

“I just wanted to say goodbye.”

He doesn't want to argue, and so he grabs his bag and walks to the door. Still, he can't resist giving Santana a taste of her own medicine and stops to whisper in her ear, making sure to keep his voice low enough that none of the others can hear.

“Brittany's so-called glory? That's on my expense. Whoever stuffed the ballot boxes didn't change the fact that I still got more votes than Brittany and Rick the Stick together. I don't know who did it, or why, but frankly? You are one of the people with the strongest motive. And if I find out it was you then you're going to learn exactly what 'ruining' means.”

He's going to treasure that stricken look on Santana's face for quite some time.

[parkaiur]

Final Thoughts on YGTB/The Lineup

... well let’s just jump right into it shall we?

ok.. this show was a waste of time and a waste of all my fucking emotions. the only reason i put up with YG’s bullshit is because I thought team a+jihoon would debut, but yg is too fucking stupid to do that so : )

anyways, let’s get into the reason why this show is trash :)

first of all, the emotional trauma all the boys have been put through?

there are 28 trainees, they all thought that the debut group was going to be 5 members... imagine how stressful and scary that must be for all of them. once they split from their respective teams, they were all heartbroken they were being split from their friends? seriously... what was yg doing breaking such strong teamwork in ALL the teams...

the reason why ikon was, and is, so popular is because of their strong teamwork. people are connected to the bond between the members and it shows when people have been through a lot together 

moving on, there are literally 13&14 year old kids in this show... like c’mon, what i was worrying about at 14 was if my friends had the same lunch as me.. :/ and on top of the trainee life, they’re forced to be split from all their friends... these poor dudes 

AND THE EDITING, OH GOSH THE EDITING

for the ENTIRE show, YG depicted team a as the “bad guys”. first from when yoonbin and yeongue lost the 2:2 battle. so many people got upset, saying that it was a popularity battle when in reality, they had the smallest gap out of all the teams... hah . 

they also edited out byounggon’s rap in the Im Not Sorry performance which caused ppl to think that only Seunghun controlled that stage, when in reality, both of them chewed up the stage. 

im not even going to mention how initially Yoonbin x Keita’s rap battle was edited out before they were hella popular cuz yg is a fucking snake and there are SO many examples as to which this happened so i’ll only name a few 

next, THE FINAL GOING CRAZY PERFORMANCE. the focus was SO obviously on Jaehyuk when Hyunsuk started to rap ... like cameraman... the rapper was Hyunsuk, not Jaehyuk... pls ... also, when jihoon was singing, the cameraman panned to junghwan... i think im starting to predict something :   )

anyways, Doyoung and Jihoon were both edited out of their FINAL PERFORMANCE ON THIS SHOW??? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Doyoung choreographed that dance YET his solo in Earned It was edited out?? and Jihoon was just edited out completely??? i thought we would FINALLY get to hear both of their stunning vocals and ... nothing .... it’s obvious only yg’s favorites gets aired 

now, mentioning all of team a+jihoon being mistreated, i kept up with this fucking show because i thought yg was just trying to rile up fans and would debut them later.... I WAS WRONG. 

all silver boys can either write songs, produce music, and choreograph... yet he chose some members that cant... im not saying that Haruto and Junghwan are untalented, when I think they’re very good at what they do, but theyre just so young and have so much more room to grow. YG chose these members because of their potential .. but he refused to debut boys who already have honed their potential ... wtf

YG obviously only used Silver Boys as a way to gain popularity for this show, and it’s not sitting well with me. tons of fans have been waiting s o l o n g for these boys to debut, especially last year in the Stray Kids survival show and Mixnine. they had fans who were dedicated and saw their talent, and were waiting for them (i am one myself). and when YGTB was released, it seemed like the perfect show because it had all my favorite boys ! (ok most im looking at you jeonwoong, raesung, and noa) 

but then yg turns around and pulls this ... this on us... 

seriously come at me for saying this cuz im going to delete my account soon :/ 

ALSO ive seen so many posts telling Silver Boys stans to like calm down ?? and to not hate on the members... let me get this straight, IM NOT HATING ON THEM. Simply saying someone is too young and inexperienced to debut is NOT hate. 

Also, yg expected this happen. he knew junghwan (and even haruto) would get hate and backlash and he debuted them anyways... seriously if that isnt the definition of cruel. he just wants to stir up the public and honestly idk if it’s going to work this time since so many people are upset. yg SAW the online voting which, if you didn’t know, had 300K votes for the Silver Boys, yet he still didn’t choose to debut them... wow 

if yg’s target was younger fans... he got them. but im just saying this now, all yg groups have older, more mature fans, and what i’ve seen from this fandom is not that. yg just lost a veteran yg stan but he doesnt care does he now 

also , dont console SB fans when you’re just trying to defend your faves. and when i say console, dont say “omg just support the group! you have to stan forever or else you’re fake>:(” like... NO. you actually dont have to stan a group you dont like ??? i have freedom ?? LMAO 

plus raesung coming to the final show made all of us VERY emotional and we wanted a happy ending for our boys, and we didnt get one. which obviously crushed us, so just,,, back off for a moment and dont try to make us feel worse about what’s happening right now 

anyways, yg basically debuted a group with visuals (as of right now) and it’s making me sick. i didnt think he was taking the visuals things seriously but seeing this lineup? he obviously was. and no, im not saying that visuals dont have talent just to be clear. im just saying that there are people who are “not visuals” who are just as talented. 

my predictions for the next three members? It’s Yoonbin or Hyunsuk, Mashiho, and Jaehyuk. why? they’re all yg’s favorites and are visuals. 

im not in the mood for discussion just come in my inbox if you’re going to talk about Silver Boys or about how nice your day was cuz i need to either distract myself or mourn ;-; 

also the immense guilt that silver boys stans feel right now is uncontrollable... we tried so hard for so long yet our efforts have fallen through... and not only do we have a bond towards our boys, but we have a bond with each other. Us Silver Boy stans have also been through a lot together and when you solo stans were running around, we were getting shit done. we fight for the SB boys and we fight for each other, dont think we are going to stop now <3

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

[ash-overthinking]

Where You’ve Been (13RW, Zach&Alex missing scene)

Fandom:

13 Reasons Why (TV show)

Characters/Pairing:

Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall (canon compliant/pre-slash)

Summary:

-"I wanna talk to Alex. Okay, look, I brought him something." -"What? 'Oh happy birthday Alex, here's a photo book of you in a coma'?" -"He told you about that?"

Sometime in the days before Alex's birthday party, Zach finds him struggling, a little book of graphic pictures in his lap.

Tags of Consequence: 

Missing scene; angst; references to canon suicide attempt and implied canon suicidality and depression; canon disabled character; pre-slash/gen.

Word Count:

2008

Read it on AO3

  Alex wasn’t entirely sure what he’d been thinking asking for the pictures. Maybe it was about trying to fill in the gaps, to see matter within the spaces of blurring and blankness. There was something about knowing his body had been put through so much shit, tests and operations and stitches and more than he could even begin to keep in his head, and totally without him, that left horror like a rock growing into his stomach and ribs. So, he wanted to know. Alex kept thinking if he learned enough, maybe he could recover the map to how his pieces were meant to fit. Maybe he could feel like he belonged here, in this body and mind and life.

  He hadn’t quite been glad Tyler took the pictures, really he didn’t care one way or the other, but- maybe he was kind of grateful?

  At least the other boy didn’t try to argue with Alex about seeing them, about what he was and wasn’t ready for. He didn’t even question or dispute when Alex asked if he could get them printed, taking Alex’s fumbled preface about screen-time and migraines at face value. Alex really fucking liked that about Tyler.

  Still. It probably wasn’t the healthiest choice?

  The pictures were in a little book now, one of those old-school photo albums with fake leather and vinyl, unlabeled and with a dozen empty pages. Alex could fill the latter of his own accord if he wanted to see his progress like Tyler had suggested, to watch the ghastly scars fade and disappear under his hair. Like a baby book, he could note the stupid little milestones he’d had to reach all over- waking up like being reborn; his first word post-coma; lifting his fucking head; taking a goddamn step. There were probably pictures of it all, but Alex would sooner burn or bury them than arrange them in some pseudo triumphant order.  

  The graphic journey back to his body imbued Alex with more heartbreak and revulsion than the pictures of him in the coma ever did. Memories he had but didn’t necessarily want, all an ode to his greatest failing.

  Most of the time he could try not to think about it. The moments of quiet devastation didn’t need talked about and there were even days he could appreciate things like second chances. If nothing else, he could distract himself with ways to be useful or at least become it. He gave himself wholly to that cause. If he was going to be here than he would damn well find a way to make the burden of his existence worth its while to all the people around him. Maybe eventually he could even believe himself that he was worth it.

  So, sure, ignorance was the opposite of bliss; but maybe there was a difference between abstract knowing and staring his own near-death in its face.

  All Alex knew was that the pictures drew him in, and in and in until he was locked inside a silence he couldn’t really breathe through, with all his senses disappearing.

  How could he do this to himself? Why couldn’t he have done it right?

  Hate surged like it always did, for this stupid fucking world with its stupid fucking people and its stupid fucking injustice and fucking him, Alex Standall, fuckup extraudinaire, at the boiling center. There were angry tears on his face and his bad hand curled around the photo album and his good hand in his hair, nails in his scalp just above the scar.

  He heard the creak of the door too late.

  “Hey- woah. Alex, what’s going on? What’s-” and Zach had cut himself off with a noise like nothing Alex had ever heard from him before as Alex’s stupid, broken grip tried to move to close the book and instead only managed to knock it from his lap so it landed, still open, inches from Zach’s feet.

  Frustration and humiliation reared, and Alex didn’t mean to yell; but he did anyway, curses exploding from that ugly place inside his chest.

  Zach didn’t respond, and the vitriol died about as quickly as it had come, even if the tears did not, still randomly tracking down his cheeks while he fought to focus on his friend. There would be time to dwell on all the ways he had ruined all the best things in his life later. For now, there was Zach.

  How one guy could look both so steady and so shaken, Alex would never know.

  “Alex, where the hell did you get this?” Zach asked finally.

  The quiet anger in his voice promptly put Alex right back on the defensive.

  “That’s not any any of your fucking business,” he heard himself snarl, the high pitch of a whine right beneath the words. Pathetic.

  Alex thought, barely there, that lately he made Hannah sound downright chill and self assured, and the inherent snipe at his once best friend brought him right back to earth, his stomach cramping and churning.

  How was it that someone like him had beaten the odds to live so many times in the last five months while someone like Hannah-

  No. He couldn’t keep going there.

  “Where the hell did you get these?” Zach asked roughly.

  Alex sighed and adjusted himself to sit back against his pillows, looking at his friend directly.

  “Can we not do this right now dude?”

  “Uh, no. We can’t… not do this right now. Dude.”

  Alex stared at him for a beat before succumbing to a tired snort of laughter. Zach huffed a little, the hint of a smile at the corner of one lip, but then it all faded away again. He bent to pick up the book with Alex watching carefully, his heart in his throat.

  Zach leafed through a few pages, then closed it with a sharp exhale. Alex thought he saw a shiver go through his friend and dropped his eyes to his sweatpants, guilt ebbing back to him, the rush of cold into his veins like saline through an IV.

  Zach paced for a minute then dropped restlessly onto the edge of Alex’s bed.

  “Who the fuck-,” he paused, took a breath, started again. “How did you get these?”

  “...I can’t tell you.”

  Zach turned to face him and Alex met his eyes. He could feel his hand tremor on his leg, all his muscles reacting to the continued distress. His body was always betraying him.

  “You really fucking can. Is this related to that target bullshit?”

  “No,” Alex reassured him, calming a little more with the opportunity to tell a helpful truth. “I swear.”

  “Yeah? How can you do that if you can’t tell me?”

  Alex groaned and sagged back against his bed but kept his eyes sideways on Zach.

  “If I do, you’ve got to be chill about it.”

  “Nah. Can’t promise that,” Zach retorted.

  Alex glared and Zach looked right back, determined, unaffected.

  “Okay, well, you have to promise you won’t go after the person.”

  Zach opened his mouth, very clearly to object, so Alex continued right along.

  “Seriously. I’m a big boy, Dempsey. I asked for the pictures. It’s my own fault.”

  Zach’s face twisted and smoothed back.

  “It was fucking Tyler, right?”

  Alex knew Zach well enough by now, if only just, to recognize the curl of his lip and tightening of his jaw. The darkness of his eyes. There was disgust, anger, frustration- and fear.

  The last softened Alex’s resolve.

  “He didn’t mean anything by it. I asked to see after he told me about taking them, man. I asked to see them, and I asked him to print them.”

  Zach nodded, but he was clearly unmoved.

  “I knew that creep was coming to the hospital so often for a reason. He’s not even your friend, Alex.”

  “He kind of is.”

  Zach snorted derisively and stood again, this time just standing over Alex in a way that made Alex want to roll his eyes, and also just stare up at him for awhile because holy shit, who gave him the right to look that much like a fucking tree?  

  “Alex, that creep is not your friend. A friend doesn’t take pictures of you when you’re inches from death. Especially without permission. And then, he just shows you? Gives you an album of prints?”

  “I asked to see them,” Alex protested again, his voice starting to crack. “I asked for the prints.”

  “And he gave them to you, man,” Zach said loudly. “The fact that he fucking took them in the first place…”

  “Photography is just what Tyler does,” Alex rationalized back to him, but it sounded dumb and half-hearted now.

  Zach stared at him, like he could hear in the words how Alex’s energy had fallen away, like he could see the whole heap of self-flagellation and emptiness Alex kept shoving back and throwing a blanket over as if to hide and disguise its shape. Alex wondered dimly how he could in turn almost see these things register with Zach, cut into him, and then disappear behind the wall he kept in his own mind.

  “Man, screw that. It’s fucked up. These first ones, Alex? They’re from just a few days after. You were still bleeding. We still had no idea if you were going to die. You had machines helping you breathe. Even if you didn’t fucking die, the doctors kept saying that you might never wake up.”

  “I know,” Alex told him lowly, eyes burning.

  Zach shot him a wounded look then shook his head and turned away.

  “And you’re still doing this to yourself? Alex, who does this help?”

  “I don’t know, me?” tossed out. Nothing words. Empty sarcasm.

  Zach’s scoff was like a weight on his chest. Alex wanted to scream, but he was so fucking drained already.

  “Nobody wants to talk really. And nobody wants to tell me things. It’s like I’m still barely a person to everyone.”

  Zach looked back at him, long and hard, and Alex’s good shoulder pulled up automatically, as though the defensive half-shrug could temper his words.

  “Alex…” Zach blew out a hard breath. “You’re a person, okay?”

  “I know.”

  “Did looking at the pictures help?”

  “I don't know,” Alex muttered. “Maybe.”

  “It didn’t look like it,” Zach countered, his voice more gentle now.

  “Yeah, well. That’s my own shit.”

  “Right,” Zach said, “Sure.” But when Alex looked at him, his jaw was tight and working. “Maybe you want to keep your distance from him, though?”

  Alex sighed.

  “I’m not ditching Tyler, Zach. He was there for me a lot, too. Anyways, it’s not like we see each other that much. He’s busy a lot with that guy, Cyrus or whatever. And between school and PT and Jess and you and my five thousand other appointments…”

  Zach smiled.

  “We do keep you pretty busy. Speaking of which, I’m totally in for your birthday party.”

  “Oh yeah? Those fuckheads you hang around are cool with that?”

  Zach ignored the jibe and laid down flat on his back across Alex’s bed, the weight of his head on Alex’s fucked up knee heavy and warm and welcome.

  “Don’t keep looking for things that will hurt you, okay?”

  “I’m not,” Alex tried to say, but he wasn’t sure either of them could believe it.

  “I mean it. You’re doing really great. You don’t want to screw over your progress for this shit that’s happening. Even if you think you do, the rest of us don’t, man. Just… take care of yourself.”

  “I would if I could. Broken dick, remember?”

   Zach laughed loudly.

  “Fuck you, Standall. You know what I meant.”

  “You know, that’s a good point,” Alex told him. “If I’m the one getting fucked, that’s actually still pretty doable.”

  Zach shook his head, but he was grinning.

  “You know, they said personality changes were to be expected after, but listen to you now. Same old Alex. Almost, anyway.”

  “I guess,” Alex agreed, the cold in his chest again. “Almost.”

[jessefferguson]

My Double Life: 5 Years And Going

It’s been a LONG TIME since I wrote one of these, so I figured now was as good a point as any.

Words, spoken out loud, are funny. They can mean very different things.

Try this one:

I am still here.

and

I am still here.

Both of those are the best summary I can think of for how I feel today since today, May 21, is the 5th anniversary of when I was diagnosed with cancer. Five years ago, I sat in a sweltering doctors office in Washington, D.C. as he told me the results of my first biopsy. Five years later, I still have it.

After 5 years, I have two conflicting emotions: I’m still here (thank God) and I’m still (only) here. Five years later, not much has really changed but, also, everything has.

Over the 5 years, I’ve sort of lived a double life – that of a cancer patient and that of a political operative. Sometimes they overlap but, more often than not, they’re separate worlds.

By my best count, over the 5 years, I’ve had 4 surgeries, 33 days of radiation, upwards of 60 rounds of either chemotherapy or targeted therapy, about 75 blood tests, and 150 doctors’ appointments. And over the same 5 years, I’ve worked on 191 television ads, 311 polls, thousands of press releases and speeches, spent over $100 million (of other people’s money), and sent over 40,000 of my own tweets.

I continue to believe the same thing I did – and wrote about - 5 years ago, there are three keys to getting through this sort of thing: (1) Your family and friends; (2) Doctors who are the best; (3) Doing something with your time that you love to do. Even on the worst days of work, the fact that I was doing the work I wanted to do made it that much more possible to fight a disease I did not want to deal with.

WHAT’S THE LATEST WITH ME

I’m living and working from Brooklyn, still. I decided to stay here after the Clinton campaign ended rather than move back to D.C. for a bunch of reasons – closer to my doctors at Sloan Kettering and further from Trump at the WH. Both sounded like good ideas.

For just under a year, I’ve been on a clinical trail and it’s getting some pretty good results. It’s a targeted therapy drug and I’m one of the first to apply it to my unique disease. It’s unlikely to result in me being “cured” or “cancer free” but it’s definitely shrunk the disease in my skin tissue and throughout my head, neck and chest. It’s also brought down the swelling. The swelling issues are far from gone, but they’re better. The best case is that it continues shrinking things; the next best case is it stops anything from getting worse again. Either way, it’s turned my condition to a chronic one, for now. I’ll take it.

Every three weeks I do the same routine. I book a someone to come clean my house for that morning and I take a car down to Sloan Kettering.  I take a blood test. The doctor and I talk about medical stuff for a few minutes and politics for a few minutes and then he sends me for treatment. He’s not from America and has a healthy interest in all the crazy things in our politics.

It takes them about 2 hours to prepare the drug, so I have found a corner in the hospital that is usually empty for work — open the laptop, put on the head set and get to work. It’s my own cancer-center-based mobile-office. I have edited TV scripts and polls, held conference calls, did a radio interview and even convinced a donor to contribute – all from a table in a hospital waiting room. Last week’s discussion was about the placement of a media buy. It’s amazing what you can pull of when people don’t really know where you are.

The drug I’m on is an easy one – targeted therapy. It’s like a smart bomb of chemo that only goes to the cells that have the disease. The worst part is the IV, which I barely notice anymore and after 30 minutes, I’m out. On the road home to a clean house with the mild side effect of an uneasy stomach for a few days. Compared to the other drugs I’ve been on, this is like a piece of cake took a walk in a park.

How long will I stay on it? No clue. But it has made this condition chronic. If you offered me a deal today — get this treatment every 3 weeks for 30 minutes and the disease stays under control, I’d sign in a minute. I’d sign it for the next 10 years. For now, I’ll stay on it unless or until it stops working – then I’ll try something else.

WHAT HAPPENED SINCE 2016

As you may remember from my last blog post, just before election 2016, I had spent the previous 6 months working while dealing with the return of my disease.

On election night 2016, I did venture out. It wasn’t something I did often but I wanted to be with the team that night at the Javits Center in Manhattan. I could, now, try to pretend that I had doubts about the outcome of that night to try to make myself look extra smart, but that would be bullshit. I didn’t; I thought we’d win.

The beginning of that afternoon and evening were great. We were monitoring voting and doing the work we needed to do and I was also seeing some good friends who I had been away from while I worked the last few months from home.

Then, the results started and the mood changed. My heart started to sink, but I kept hoping. Florida, North Carolina, Ohio and others poured in. We knew we needed to hold Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania to make it work.

While we waited for those results, I got up to go to the bathroom. As I stood at the urinal, a friend who had better sense for numbers and data than I do, approached the stall next to me. We looked at each other with the same forlorn look of despair as if our confidence was waning. He said “I just looked at the latest data from Michigan; it’s gone.”  And with that, I found out we had lost in a way befitting the occasion -- standing at a urinal.  

Whether you believe we lost because of a mission from Russia or a miss in Michigan, or any other reason, one thing was clear: we lost the electoral college. It was over. And while I stared at my peers and colleagues – friends who had hired me and  friends who I had hired – I couldn’t stop thinking, “What’s next?”

Despite what you might see or hear, the group who I worked with on that campaign were some of the smartest, most talented and most committed people I’ve ever had the privilege to work with. As I stared at all of them, I wonder what was next for them. As I thought about it more, I worried what was next for me.  

At one point, I wandered away and ended up sitting in the middle of the massive loading dock in the Javits Center with 4 senior staff from the campaign. There where shipping boxes, fork lifts, and one table with a few plastic chairs in the middle. We all just kind of stared at each other. Someone would say something about what we should do or what we should say and we’d all agree but, for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you today what anyone said.  

As the night ended, I was one of the last ones to leave. I’m not really sure why, I just couldn’t. I kept finding someone else to talk to. I was trying to be a bit of team cheerleader – as best as was possible at that moment.  

At around 4:30am that night, I left the Javits center along side two reporters I had gotten to know. We walked for a bit and then they got into cabs and drove off. I just started walking. And walking. I was thinking about what had happened and what it meant for the country. And, if I’m honest, what it meant for me. I had cancer and had just devoted two years of my life to trying to win the presidency – and had failed. I just kept thinking, maybe even crying a bit, and walking.

When I looked up, it was 6 am and the sun was rising. I had walked from the Javits Center at 36th street down almost to the World Trade Center. Much like I did while wandering around the streets of Washington on May 21, 2013, I had done lots of thinking. But now it was November 9, 2016, and it was time to go back to work. I took a cab home, slept for a few hours, and opened my laptop.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING SINCE

Since the campaign ended in 2016, I’ve been “consulting.” I’m still not sure what “consulting” means but it’s what I’m doing. I’m working on my own for a variety of political projects on a variety of important issues, trying to lend my experience to things where I think I can do something interesting and make a difference in the insane moment we’re in right now.

My work has ranged from the fight over the tax plan and some new digital campaign innovations, to a new polling project and an advertising campaign and others. It’s all kept me busy and kept my mind going – in the fight and doing what I love to do. The work is good cause it’s meaningful, it’s the work I want to be doing, and the variety of projects appeals to my attention-span-of-a-fruit-fly-nature.

It’s also allowed me to speak up a bit more about what I think, which has been quite a change. For the last 15+ years, I’ve always represented someone else – the DCCC Chairman, Secretary Clinton, etc. Now I’m speaking more and writing more in my own voice.

I still feel somewhat like a hermit. I live and work in my Brooklyn apartment. I get out more now than I used to, but, nothing like I did when I was healthy. When you’ve been dealing with this as long as I have, you start to lose track of what looking, feeling and being normal would be like. I get to the deli almost every morning and they know to make my eggs and have my iced coffee ready. Others around know me too. Life is easy and that’s important for me right now. One of these days, I’ll be up for making it harder again – but not yet.

THE HEALTH CARE ISSUE

The first project I took on was to help some friends with the coalition fighting the Obamacare repeal legislation. It’s been a hard-waged battle over the last 16 months to improve health care for people instead of letting it get dismantled.

But it’s also been the first time my double lives overlapped a bit. When the Affordable Care Act passed Congress, I was at my office near capitol hill, celebrating with everyone else. But it didn’t really mean anything to me. It was a good thing, but it wasn’t personal.

Seven years later, when repeal of it failed – repeal that would undercut protections for people with pre-existing conditions like I have – it was a very different moment. In fact, when the first repeal plan was pulled from the House floor, I was actually sitting at Sloan Kettering getting my chemo. I was on the phone talking with someone working with me while in the  hospital room getting treated as a news alert came across my computer screen.

I don’t often invoke my own personal health care situation while working on the issue because it shouldn’t be about me. I’m fortunate and would be able to get the care I needed if I had to. But sitting there at age 37, with an IV bag dripping a toxic chemical designed to keep me alive into my arm, I certainly had a different perspective than I had 8 years earlier as an otherwise-healthy, overweight 29 year old who saw passage of the ACA as a good reason to go to the bar and celebrate.

FIVE YEARS AND COUNTING

Once and a while I think about what I could be doing if I was fully healthy. I get sad. Maybe I get mad. As I approach 38 years old at the end of this year, more and more of my friends are having their first or second child and I’m forced to think if my life would be different if I hadn’t gotten this diagnosis five years ago. For sure, it would be. But, in the end, you play the cards your dealt and make damn well sure it’s a game you enjoy. You could win big or you could lose your shirt, but either outcome has to be worth it.

Five years ago I was diagnosed with a disease that probably should have killed me. Five years later, I’m still here. When I put it that way, it actually brings a smile to my face. I know talking about having cancer isn’t something that normally is joyful but being able to do what I love while living with the disease sure beats the alternative.

[jamest-kirk]

How about McKirk in the last tv show you watched? With maybe roughly the plot of the last episode you've seen?

Ive been binging Lucifer, so… Lucifer AU:

Jim’s fingers play idly over the piano keys, and he hums quietly and contently along with the music. His club is packed, despite it not being a club night. They come to see him perform, and perhaps these few moments his mind clear from the troubling feeling in his gut that he isn’t supposed to be here. Isn’t allowed to walk among these people. "Excuse me,“ a guy says, interrupting Jim playing, and Jim looks both amused and annoyed at the one bold enough to do so, “I’m looking for the owner of this place.” “Well, handsome, you got ‘em,” Jim replies, fingers still playing some mindless tunes, and he glances the other up and down in a way that’s less than subtle. “I need to ask you a couple questions,” the man says, and Jim huffs. “Take me on a date and you can ask me anything.” “Funny,” the other replies, and then he pulls out a police badge from his jacket. “Oh, a police officer-” “A detective,” the officer, Leonard McCoy according to his badge, tells him, “I want to ask you a couple questions about the shooting that took place outside your club last night.”

In Jim’s office, the sounds coming from either the stage or the DJ booth are drowned out, and Jim turns to Leonard in their privacy. “Anyone ever call you ‘Officer Handsome’? Because they should.” “No,” Leonard replies, “this club is registered under the name ‘Lucifer’. That’s your stage name, right?” “No,” Jim laughs, “that’s my real name. Jim Kirk is my stage name, if you want to call it that. You can call me anything, by the way.” “Okay, Jim,” Leonard starts, “care to explain to me why you were involved in the shooting outside your club, littered with bullets, and yet you stand in front of me with not a scratch on you?” “What can I say,” Jim says, “I’m the devil.” “I’m serious,” Leonard says. “So am I,” Jim replies, “c'mon, detective. I got shot. A girl is dead. Have you found the shooter yet?” “Shooter, so there’s only one?” Leonard asks, “can you describe them to me?” “You haven’t even found them yet?” “That’s why I’m here, Jim,” Leonard says, “I’d much rather be anywhere than a shady club.” “Shady? LUX is a good establishment, thank you very much. And seeing as you’re so incompetent in doing your job, I’m just gonna have to tag along with you.”

Leonard doesn’t allow Jim to tag along, but with a bit of snooping around on his own, Jim actually finds one of the suspects before Leonard does. Before he can get some info out of him, or send him straight to Hell, though, Leonard does enter the scene, and he looks both surprised and pissed off to see Jim there. “Jim? By God-” “No, he’s got nothing to do with it,” Jim promises, “you took too long, so I went on my own. Believe this is the shooter.” “How do you know?” Leonard asks. “Oh, I’m very persuasive,” Jim replies, and then he turns to the suspect, “because you’d shoot an innocent girl, wouldn’t you?” “Yes,” the man replies. “Why?” Jim presses, and the suspect gives him everything. Talked into it by an ambitious and jealous girlfriend, an act of love for a woman he was sure was already cheating on him anyways. Leonard listens, flabbergasted at all the details, and then quickly makes the arrest.

“How did you do that?” Leonard asks Jim later that evening. They’re back in Jim’s club, quietly at the bar, and Leonard’s enjoying a good whiskey. “I’m the Devil,” Jim says, “making people speak up about their desires and misbehaviour is what I do best.” “All this devil crap,” Leonard huffs. “No, I’ll prove it to you,” Jim says, and he sits up straight. He makes Leonard face him, and looks deeply into the other’s eyes. “Tell me, detective, what is it your heart desires most?” “Well,” Leonard sighs, “I guess what I really want is a… a long, warm bath, so I can drown myself and get away from your bullshit.” Jim is visibly taken aback by that at first, and Leonard laughs, sipping his whiskey victoriously. This has always worked, without fail. How come this man is immune to him? Jim glances at him suspiciously, and then smiles. “Fascinating,” he says, and with that, decides he’s gonna stay close to figure this man out.

So Jim joins him; does his own version of crime fighting, showing up and pestering this detective into solving crimes until he’s hired as a Civilian Consultant. He’s not really in it for the fighting of crime, but he’s a punisher, and punishing he does. All behind Leonard’s back, though he’s not exactly subtle about being the Devil. He shows up at Leonard’s crime scenes, somehow stumbles into finding the solutions to these murders before the police does, and he helps Leonard solving them. Purely for selfish reasons, of course. Leonard is good looking, he’s pleasant to be around, and there’s a certain rush he’s not familiar with when he does semi-good deeds. Well, that is, if those good deeds are geared towards Leonard.

“What are you doing here?” Leonard asks when Jim shows up at his house at night. It’s a warm California evening, and Leonard looks so good in a simple t-shirt and comfort shorts. “Detective, I’m here to have sex with you,” Jim explains simply. Leonard laughs, genuinely laughs, and then: “No.” “But Leonard, there’s something about you.. I think we ought to bang it out, and maybe then you stop malfunctioning and start reacting like humans should.” “You wanna know how I resist you?” Leonard asks, leaning casually against the doorpost. “Oh, desperately,” Jim replies. “It’s impossible to fall for your charms when you don’t have any,” Leonard says simply, and then he turns around and closes the door in Jim’s face. “See you at work, Jim!” Jim hears the other call through the wooden door.

But then things go wrong - as they not often do in Jim’s life. He gets what he wants from the people he wants it from, he’s a successful club owner in downtown Los Angeles, he works together with a guy he finds absolutely fascinating. Partially, because around Leonard, he finds out the hard way, Jim can be hurt. Literally, he’s mortal. He bleeds when he gets shot in the leg and is treated in the hospital, but when Leonard leaves him at night to go home to his daughter, the wound is gone.

That’s not all. Someone has targeted Leonard; actively trying to sabotage him and taking his life. Jim has watched Leonard’s car being blown up with the two of them nearby, though non-fatal, Leonard has a few mean burn wounds to show for. And Jim can’t have that. Because for all of him being the Devil, the dark lord, Satan, and whatever else you want to call him, Jim only wants to see the bad people suffer. And Leonard is grumpy, permanently tired, always calling Jim out, and refuses to sleep with him, but Leonard is also just inherently very good, and Jim can’t see him hurt. Even just a few burn wounds. No sir.

So he finds Leonard’s assailant in an abandoned warehouse. And the gun in the man’s hand doesn’t scare him, because when Leonard isn’t around, Jim is his immortal self. “What are you gonna do, shoot me?” Jim asks the bad guy with a smug smile, “you’ll find I’m pretty hard to kill. And I promise you, I’ll drag you down to Hell myself for a torture session that’ll last til the end of next century-” he’s silenced by the gunshot, loud and ringing in his ears. And initially he laughs, because what’s this idiot thinking? But then there’s a deep pain in his abdomen, warm blood seeping out of the wound, and Jim looks down in surprise. “How?” He asks, but he finds that question answered quickly. “Jim!” Leonard calls out, rushing towards Jim as the other steadily gets weak in the knees, “Jesus Christ, what were you thinking?!” Jim glances in Leonard’s direction, smiling lightly as the other holds him tight. The pain is leaving his body along with the blood, and he feels almost pleasantly numb. “I need to punish those who deserve it. If anyone deserves it, it’s whoever dares laying a finger on you,” Jim replies, aware there’s tears in Leonard’s eyes. “Yours a fucking idiot,” Leonard says, and Jim grins weakly. “Yeah,” he says, “you’ve told me that before.”

A bullet narrowly missing the two of them sends Leonard away from Jim’s side. Out to get the killer. Jim promises he can hold out til then, but he knows he’s dying quickly. “God… dad,” he croaks out quietly, “I know I don’t deserve it for abandoning my throne and my duties, but I’m asking you for one favor. One tiny… Tiny thing. Spare Leonard. Let him go home to his daughter tonight. And I’ll do anything.” And like that, he’s dead.

Hell still looks pretty much the same. No big deal. Jim thinks he better go back to take his position on the throne, then. Rule the underworld for another millennia or two before another escape attempt will arise. But when he walks towards his throne, he realizes it’s eerily quiet out here. No screaming, no crying, no souls begging for forgiveness. And what’s worse, he notices, the Gates are wide open. That means a lot of bad souls have touched Earth again. But more importantly, that means Jim, too, can walk back out. He hesitates, for maybe a second or two. Then, he walks out, closing the Gates behind him.

He gasps for air like he’s been holding his breath for minutes, coughing and trying to move, but he’s restrained. In Leonard’s arms. In pure shock, Leonard lets go. “My, detective, I didn’t know you cared so much,” Jim says, sitting up straight now that Leonard released him. He lifts up his shirt curiously, and sees the bullet wound gone. Good. “How?!” Leonard asks. “I’m the devil,” Jim replies casually, “I’ve been telling you that since day one.” “No,” Leonard says, “I saw you die. You were dead. I held your dead body-” “I much rather you held me alive,” Jim says, and he smiles lightly, “did you catch the bad guy, or what?” He opens his mouth to speak more, after all, Jim talks a lot. But instead, Leonard silences him by pressing their lips together. Jim readily accepts this forced silence. “I thought you were dead,” Leonard says again, and Jim feels his hands over his cheeks, his jawline, and down to his neck to feel his pulse. “Well, some of us don’t have time to stay dead forever,” Jim says. His chest feels tight, the look in Leonard’s eyes is something he’s seen in movies, but he’s never been at the receiving end of it. It’s weird. Exhilarating. He wants more of that. But he’s got work to do. “Do you have any plans tonight?” He asks, and Leonard shakes his head. “No. Why, do you want to ‘bang it out’ again?” He asks, and Jim laughs. “No. We’re gonna go monster hunting,” he says, getting up on his feet, and he pulls Leonard up, too. “That still sounds like one of your weird euphemisms for sex,“ Leonard says. Jim smiles fondly, patting Leonard’s shoulder. “Don’t you worry, detective. Plenty of time to do that after.”