#-can do 7 pull ups
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thinking about trying to do rangeland firefighting for at least one summer while I’m still in my 20s with derangements that make me love toiling like a medieval peasant but in order to do it next summer I would need to undergo a second, less illegal and contentious but some would say more difficult transition with my body. theatre kid to jock
#it would be such a cool experience but as you can imagine you need to meet a fitness requirement so the fires don’t destroy you etc etc#classic fire behavior but anyway you need to be able to walk 3 miles with a 45 pound pack in 45 minutes#it’s a test given by the forest service#however there are also a few other guidelines which are:#-can run 1.5 miles in 10 minutes 30 seconds#-can do 25 push ups#-can do 40 sit-ups#-can do 7 pull ups#easy for anyone who played footed ball in high school but unfortunately I was too busy not lifting things up and putting them down#but now I’m like. perhaps I could also pick heavy things up and put them down
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How do you draw your high contrast, shape-y pieces? I’ve tried something similar but it always end up off, any recommendations on brushes or exercises that could help with improvement?
(I wasn't sure what part was giving you trouble, so this is sorta an all-over smattering 😅 hopefully some of it helps!)
• the kind of brushes don't really matter, just what you're comfortable with using! more chisel-shaped or calligraphy-style brushes might be harder to control strokes with though. I do personally like using brushes that are like...Mostly Round But With a Little Grit to 'Em!
• work at a higher size and/or resolution than your final size (I usually work at ~3x final size). scaling down will smooth out little imperfections and some of the little aliasing weirdness that comes from raster transformations (scale/rotate/etc.)
• drawing with your arm, as in moving from your elbow while keeping your wrist pretty still, makes big smooth curves much easier (you can also go from the shoulder for BIG movements)
• most drawing programs will let you rotate the canvas -- drawing downward strokes tend to be easier to control (extra cheat: if a stroke is proving troublesome, I'll sometimes draw it as best I can on a new layer, move/rotate it into the exact position I want, and then merge it down again)
• instead of trying to draw a super precise shape and fill it in, I usually draw a bigger, shittier shape, and then use an eraser or layer mask to kinda chisel it into the shape I want:
• Always Check Your Values -- especially if you're finding your colors feel kinda muddy or not contrast-y enough, it's a good idea to make sure there's contrast in the light/dark as well as the hue/saturation! I usually have an adjustment layer set to 0 saturation that I keep on top of my document, and just periodically toggle on and off to check. (there's some debate about the most accurate way to check values, but this works well enough for high-contrast solid blocks of color.)
• on the same note, instead of using pure grayscale colors, particularly full black (#000000) and white (#FFFFFF), adding a little bit of color into them can give you a richer, more interesting and more cohesive result.
(and even when using pure grays, using slightly "off" from full black and white can be more interesting! and it's not to say DON'T use black and white and gray, more just...use them thoughtfully, instead of by default?)
• color thumbs/sketches/roughs, whatever you want to call them. people get SO weird at me about these for some reason, but they're literally just...a little sketch of figuring out colors before you start painting. they don't have to be final or detailed or any good or whatever, it's just to get a starting idea! working super fast and loose especially helps to get out of the mindset of Doing A Good Drawing and more into messing around with shapes and negative space and all that fun stuff. :> then later you can focus on the Doing A Good Drawing part, without having to also think too hard about the other stuff.
• Keep It Simple -- 100% the hardest part. I have absolutely not mastered this in any way. 💀 it's SO easy to overwork this style and end up too detailed/too unfocused/just too much going on -- half the time I spend on these things is just adding details -> squinting at it for a couple of minutes -> erasing all the details again. you gotta keep in mind that it's about getting an idea across more than anything else, and when it comes to that, less is almost always more!
(this is one of the reasons I sometimes make myself use SUPER restricted palettes; when you only have three colors, it forces you to really think about what's important to show and how to leave things implied. ✌️)
#how do art#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#i didn't think about the spoilers until i was about to post this. shit. sorry :')#th-they were just the easiest examples to pull up#anyway hope there's something helpful in here somewhere#we have established that i am supremely unqualified to give out art advice so...if you can pull anything out of this then more power to you
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ohhh you guys are reading bsd without suspending your disbelief. you guys are expecting to get a clear cut perfectly understandable scientific explanation for something that can't actually happen in the real world, and then you're upset when you don't get it. you're forgetting that bsd has always had fantastical elements in it and it is not meant to be a 1:1 replication of Our World. you don't have to know and understand every single scientific concept being talked about in the recent chapters; you just have to be able to get the general idea and realize that this isn't the real world, so it won't make sense by the standards of our reality. then maybe you can stop whining about how nonsensical all the dialogue is and start appreciating the story itself
#ive been so baffled by this bc. like. i took one (1) basic physics class in high school 7 years ago that i was failing for most of the year#but ive been able to keep up well enough with what's going on in bsd to like. understand the science theory on a base-level i feel#but i just saw a post and something clicked. people expect this to make Real Life Sense#guys tripolar singularities created by magical abilities ARENT REAL#you HAVE to suspend your disbelief and remember bsd was never realistic fiction#it's the same with jjk tbh#so many of the cursed techniques are CONFUSING if you look only at the specific details#but if you look at. like. how kirara's ability affects the events of the plot when she uses it#you can get at least a base level understanding for how it works#while knowing nothing about the scientific explanation for magnetic pulls or whatever#like maybe asagiri is offering a genuine plausible theory for what might happen IF abilities were real in our world. i dont know#i dont have enough knowledge in theoretical physics or whatever for that#what i CAN do is suspend my disbelief and not expect the explanations to make perfect sense to me#then look at the outcomes in order to work backwards and understand some of the dialogue explanation#'dazai wouldve lost me at 'youre still at the airport'' well first of all you're not even trying#and second of all. of course. because that's not really possible in our world. but it IS in atsushi's.#(and third. that's not dazai. that's dazai's voice in atsushi's head. but i digress)#hello grace here
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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the ladies are LOUD today.
the best thing about beekeeping is the drama. it’s been a game of thrones year for our hives already. hive #3 murdered their queen on the second day of her reign and then defected to hive #2. yesterday I drove an hour and a half north to pick up a replacement nuc for the abandoned hive. it was a real cute facility with a LOT of nice looking mead that I’m really looking forward to trying. driving back from Middle Of Nowhere: Hills N Mills Edition to Middle Of Nowhere: The Black Marsh in a diesel pickup truck with a medium iced black from dunks, my dawg, and a box fulla bees on a beautiful spring day probably added like a year to my life, I’m sure of it.
while I was moving the new hive #2 in I checked up on all the other hives and discovered something even more shocking. hive #10 has undergone civil war. about half of the swarm has evidently joined hive #5 (whose comb runneth over so hardcore for a brand new hive in may I needed to give them a second super already) and — even more scandalously — even though many stayed in #10, on the farthest side of the hive from the current queen, those who remain have secretly created five replacement queens that they will pit against each other in a fight to the death, in order to send the victor after the current monarch to kill her and usurp the throne. this dark and solemn ritual is known as a supercedure and it’s the first time I’ve seen it in real life. I’m on the edge of my seat honestly — in the next couple weeks I’ll find out if the coup is successful and the new queen is established. as soon as I see new brood I’ll call it a success… and I’ll steal some babies from hive #5 to recoup some of the losses because as we all know Larvae Ain’t Loyal.
honestly talking and thinking about bees makes me feel like a lunatic because they are such interesting animals, I’m so so so lucky I get to work with them, and I really want to get very good at this (I’m mid at best at this point lol).
#weweantica#bees#<- if there’s a better filter tag I can put in there for bee avoiders let me know#I think hive 3 had a disease because a LOT died in the package by day 2#most of the ones that didn’t die fled the hive and were clumped up in a ball near the eaves#bees form a ball around something they want to kill by overheating it#they’ll do this to their queen if she is diseased or infertile when the hive is young like this#as for hive 10 I really didn’t see any brood despite there being plenty of comb which means the current queen is either dead or infertile#I think it’s fascinating that some#of the hive chose to leave and seek an established hive#and others chose to try to rebuild what community they had left#a supercedure involves creating royal jelly to feed to any existing larva to begin the transformations to queens#larva -> bee crawling around is like#3 weeks#then then new queens all fight and the winner kills the old queen which takes however long it needs to#then the new queen has to take her one and only flight to a secret meeting place where all the drones in a three mile radius gather#so she can mate with however many she feels is appropriate#(drones have sex once and their penis literally explodes audibly and they die in midair)#(for real)#and then new queen has to get back to the hive and start gestating#and within a few days of that begin laying eggs#which when they hatch in about a week will need to be HAND FED by worker bees for two weeks#meaning all told a supercedure take easily 5-6 weeks to successfully pull off#and a bee’s lifespan is only 5-7 weeks as it is#so like#it’s DESPERATE#and the generation that pulls it off will die before they see the hive truly restored
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7hrs into my work day lets play a fun game of how much overtime will they make me do 🥰
#i should be going home in AN HOUR!#if im here until 7 again im pulling a sickie tmr idgaf#making me run this stupid thing twice in a day bitch it takes 5 hours!!!!! and i had to do an hour of washing up this morning from#yesterdays run bc we havent had a functional lab dishwasher for 3 months yep we have been fucking handwashing every piece of lab glassware#FOR THREE MONTHS!!#u guys dont even fucking know how much glassware we get thru in a fucking day its shambles#i dont think i even have enough glassware for my second run this afternoon so im gonna have to wash up more#one of the other techs made up the most time consuming reagent for me tho which saves me an hour bless her#but fuuucking hell. hoping when i get back from lunch theyll tell me i dont need to do any more 😭#so i can LEAVE. ON TIME. PLEASE#i cant do another 11 hour day man im not on a fucking shift pattern. if i was then at least id be able to fucking meal prep in advance#but nooooo theyre addicted to giving me unscheduled overtime to do tasks i fucking hate#also did i mention they made it even more complex so now i have to take readings every 30 seconds while constantly titrating this shit#for TEN HOURS. the amount of focus it takes is horrendous i have to keep the number in a 0.0016 range and there are so many dilutions#all this and u can still only analyse 3 samples in 5 hours bc everything has to be in triplicate its fucking sisyphean. hell on earth#puts my head in my hands and wails. im fine ahahahhaahaha. everyone in the lab is being nice abt it at least im getting a lot of pity#i wish i could work shift pattern by this point man or like a 4 day week w 10 hour days. when my managers back im gonna ask her abt it#bc theyve let a few other ppl have custom hours. they wont let me work weekends which is annoying bc im SO productive alone#i might ask again lol so much of my shit is fully independent anyway. aourgh. i get so twitchy from staring at the numbers it makes my#vision swim a bit..... well im used to it#aight vent over im going back in..... wish me fucking luck guys#.diaries
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its unfortunate that bouldering on average once a week for four years has not made it easier to squeeze out onto my parents roof to smoke weed. Well what was it for then
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i don't think i'll ever get over the comedic timing of being prepared to intubate an obtunded patient going into worse and worse shock on three pressors code cart in room pads on having like six people all staring at the vitals anxiously as this person might code at ANY MOMENT, me standing at the head of the bed ready to tube the second we have a safe BP and the nurse from two doors down comes into the room and says, 'hey doc, room x is in asystole' and just. walks away.
i'm just. standing there. peri-coding this patient. and i'm calling after him 'uh.... are they supposed to be?!'
absolutely insane delivery. no context no info just 'hey, btw this person's heart stopped. :) bye ' HELLO!?!
#last night was just. something out of a med drama/comedy#keep in mind that i'm. at the moment. spending no more than 2-3 shifts a MONTH in the ICU. on NIGHT SHIFT.#it has been a month. i walk in. 3 admits in past hour#one that hasn't been seen#need to eval her real quick. ok.#start my PM rounds. look at one of the 'admits' through the door#completely obtunded not moving not responding to sternal rub....like ok. not good.#ok. 'hey can i get an ABG and the bipap?' to RT. vitals ok for now but i just KNOW he's hypercapnic#keep rounding. come to panicked nurse#patient in horrible septic shock super young maxed on 4 pressors would like an art line and triple lumen.#ok. 'can you get the line cart? i'll stop by after we finish rounding if it can wait 10 more mins'#ok. we're downstairs. charge nurse gets called.#'um that patient thats obtunded their pH is 6.8'#'welp. thats not compatible with life. time to intubate.' i tell her the meds to pull and she runs ahead#SOMEONE ASKS ME TO TRANSITION INSULIN DRIP TO SQ IN THAT MOMENT?! its just like. bro. that can wait (i still do it)#now we're in the room. pushing meds. he's becoming shockier. .crash cart please. pads on just in case.#nurse comes in. just saying 'hey room x is in asystole' super casually. i'm like what#apparently they were on comfort care and it was expected#which is HOW HE SHOULD HAVE LEAD THAT SENTENCE?!? LMAO#listen. i did not sit down or start documenting for the first 7 HOURS of my shift#and the craziest thing is that like. 5 people died during my shift. FIVE.#(all not unexpected and not needing to be coded but still. that is. not normal.)#and i come in to hand off. and the doc i hand off to is like#'yeah the most i've ever had die on one of my shifts is 8'#like bro are you trying to ONE UP ME?! on THIS?#medical tw#i was really lucky. the charge and the two floats were STELLAR. i sincerely dont know what i would have done without them#there were many other difficult things on that shift that don't feel appropriate to share#anyway watch the pitt. its exceedingly medically accurate. all my ER friends love it
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hello everyone i made a quick summary of main route ottosuba. hope this helps.


#rezero#otto suwen#natsuki subaru#YES THIS IS YET ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW OTTO IS A LITTLE OBSESSED WITH SUBARU. people forget this fact sometimes while shipping him with peo#le other than subaru and its like. if he gets involved with other people now THEYRE gonna deal with his subaru obsession too and the image#of this happening is HILARIOUS to me. why must we ignore ottos subaru obsession when we can include it always for comedic effect.#ottosuba at arc 3-5 is mostly like “awww theyre kinda cute and funny together lol” and then ottosuba at arc 7-8 is like.#subaru beating up vincent and fondly thinking of it as pulling an otto while also being sad at the idea of otto dying while otto is going#feral bc “natsuki san i would let your terrorist daughter and 50 million other people die to save you <3 why wont you let me do that."#i. yeah this is an otto blog now im so sorry arc 8 has destroyed all my brain cells#arc 8 spoilers#gotta give props to main route ottosuba for still being insane IN MAIN ROUTE while kind of going under the radar about it
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Need to watch my favorite movie again sometime soon
#have a dvd at home but im at college rn also my new laptop doesnt have a player#ill have to see if its streaming anywhere ig#pro im gonna be so stereotypical at postgrad w this no 1 movie choice have to take advantage of it now before i become a cliche#also can whoever is blasting music rn stfu its monday night and everyone in the dorm can hear you#let me write my portuguese essay in peace in the middle of the hall bc we have no lounges#its a school night 😭😭😭#godd if i could be sleeping rn i would be ughhhhh but 400 more words to go#she said due on the 14th but technically past midnight#im assuming before class (which is at noon) we need to email it but i could play the incompetence card and say i thought it was by midnight#on the 14th... but then id have to do more tmrw...#ill try to do a bit more ig#i could never pull an all nighter honestly#not that i would for this but i just stop caring once it hits like midnight. which is bad bc i love procrastinating like 27482828 assgmts#til 7 or 8 pm#but my mom taught me to just give up and go to bed and take the F lol. not that my academic weapon ass wld ever do that but i feel the#temptation. what was i saying#SHUT UP THE MUSIC#if i have to move to the stairwell omg its so coldd there#im such a stairwell warrior (wrote all my essays there last year bc that dorm was also loud)
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straight_up_not_having_a_good_time_rn.jpg
#in all fairness my period is abt to start AND i have done an absolutely atrocious job re:nutrition lately.#but also. god i wish the fucking endless vacuum inside my chest would find some satisfaction#can i stop feeling like something’s gone rotten inside of me.#i’m pretty sure something has#at the point where i’m like. maybe i *should* pull down this blog#bc i do just feel. so so lonely. and so so useless. and so on edge bc apparently my nervous system cares what others think now#i don’t want to hate f1 viscerally in 6 months bc ive forced myself to keep up the activity and organization and engagement#fucking unfortunate that my default activities are 90% f1 related now. whipping out tumblr during lulls just to feel ill isn’t GREAT#but . i have no replacements in mind. bc im a maladjusted fuckup playing at adulthood who can’t do shit in moderation#fucking. GOD!!!!! i don’t even know how to BEGIN explaining this one in therapy#sorry i log out now . and go to bed . i know im kind of just a 24/7 debbie downer these days. believe me i am also not a fan
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instead of doing what i originally planned for my project i decided to completely switch it up about 6 hours before it was due. what!
#num speaks#i've been drifting in and out of sleep.#was supposed to pull an all nighter so i could make a comic for my project#but i ended up sleeping every 30 minutes and only got up at 6:30 LMFAO#fucking drew for an hour trying to figure this shit out#decided i hated it#and then at 7:30 i decided to take a completely different approach#whatever though it's working and it's easier than wtvr the hell i was doing earlier#now it's 8:30. and i dont really know what im doing but its ok im trying my best#this is due at 1pm#but i have to leave by 11:30-12. im COOKED#no its ok i can do this.#ok bye im gonna go back to working
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"Chris calls Helena and Ramon" this and "Eddie realizes he needs his parents' help and calls them" that
MAYBE the joke's on us and they go full fanfic mode and it's actually that NO ONE called them, they just randomly showed up with no notice at the least opportune moment and now Eddie has to try and manage the situation with Christopher while also dealing with his parents getting involved!!
#am i delusional?#yeah probably#but HEY have you guys SEEN how many tropes pulled straight from fics they've done this season??#i will hold out hope#because if chris ends up in texas i will simply lose my shit#also i dont know what show y'all have been watching but even when hes upset i do NOT believe chris would want to leave his dad#also manifesting the diazes finding out about the will tonight#im so stressed about this episode bro#can you tell#911 abc#eddie daiz#christopher diaz#evan buckley#helena diaz#ramon diaz#911 season 7
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okay this is my valorant oc her name is accord and she is a menace to society :3
i tried something new with the shading here so i hope it looks good
#my art#valorant#okay here is an explanation of her abilities#COINFLIP - EQUIP a coin. FIRE to send it forward causing accord to appear at the location it lands. HOLD FIRE to extend the range of the co#n#SHINY - EQUIP a coin. FIRE to toss the coin a short distance forward. The coin will nearsight all enemies who look at it#FIND A PENNY - EQUIP a coin. FIRE to place on the ground. when an enemy steps on the coin it will reveal their location until removed. the#coin can be picked up and redeployed#LIFETIME DEAL - EQUIP a coin. when in range of an enemy fire to toss them the coin and convince them to join your side (only for that round#the enemy can harm their teammates but no longer harm your team and their teammates can harm them. your team cannot harm the affected enem#and that would cost 8 points but honestly 9 would work better#but i mean since clove's ult is only like 7 i dont think 8 is so bad#she'd pull the cartridges out of her pockets i guess i didnt really think about that#her backstory is basically she found a pouch of magic coins (an artifact like harbor's bracelet) and people who see them are obsessed#since she has the pouch she is immune but that's why shiny and lifetime deal work#since people love the coins so much they'd do anything to have them#OH also uh i think she's an initiator? maybe a sentinel i don't know#this feels more initiator-y to me but like idk#i just made her because i thought it was cool#valorant oc#accord valorant
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As someone with ADHD, you know you're fucking exhausted when you're not even fidgeting. :'D
#I'm literally just sitting here. listening to shit. I usually need to fidget or do something while doing that but no. I'm just staring off#into space. At the creature that I'm dogsitting.#he's exhausting too but it's mostly from the fact that I did a lot of physical labor in horrible boots and now my lower body is dead#I mean this creature eats anything and everything off the ground. One walk and I had to pull 4 acorns. 7 leaves. 5 rocks from this#idiot's mouth. he's not allowed off leash because he just bolts as well. He's sweet but I'm pretty sure there's just a walnut rattling#around in his head lol. I genuinely worry about this dog because...He genuinely has a deathwish#speaking of which. if anyone knows how to teach your own dog how to stand up for herself I would appreciate it :'D#I give my own dog. my sweet girl Mocha. a treat and this little guy starts hopping up and biting at her mouth until she drops HER treat#and then he runs away with it! And I'm like “sweetie. why are you letting him treat you like that?!?!”#yes I separate them when I give treats but still :'( My girl is too sweet for this cruel world.#She's so sweet and brings her OWN toys up to him so they can play together and he just runs away with them and growls at her.#They're HER doggy toys!!!#I know I'm complaining a lot. He's not that bad but also... My Mocha. (also he chases the cats. we have shit blocked so they can#have their own space and be safe and a space for him but oof)#Mad rambles#Mad vents#I'm mostly still recovering from those horrid boots as we realized once I took them off that they basically were at a weird slope.
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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