#-do.not.reblog.-

[smilingsharks]

.

gotta love when people don't even realise anything wrong.

[saltandburnheathens]

Personal angst under the cut

Don't know how to admit to my husband that I'm struggling so damn much with staying clean right now. Like how do you just say that to someone outright?

"Oh I'm struggling with giving too much of a shit while the world burns around me and now I want to pop some substances I shouldn't and slice my own arm off. But it's cooooll! Please don't get the crisis team involved.'

I've been SI clean for 6 years, clean from hard drugs for the same length of time and haven't so much as touched anything other than thceee in that time. Haven't so much as written a 'big sleep' note. Yet here I am - letting my anger whittle away at me until I'm nothing but embers of guilt and hurt.

[iguessricciardo]

whatever you do DO.NOT.REBLOG that sweet moment post race after AD where he got a hug from his niece i simply cannot think about everything that happened last year (so happy he is back )

no bc i saw it and chose not to reblog it.. he looked so sad and i prefer to be in this healing era so dw i won’t bring it back

[hugispuso-archive]

⩇⩇:⩇⩇ ꒰ ya-hoo! ꒱ ♡ ˖⋆⌕

𖥻 self ship ❕ SHE/HE/THEY 🦋 ⍣~

ꜥꜤ `` 𔘓 carrd ┊ f/o list .. ࿔ ⤾

﹆ INACTIVE/BUSY WITH SCHOOL ゞ°.

[tsukisdarling]

Navigation!

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copyright ©️tsukisdarling 2021

[kemvee]

Some of you are just so k*nd and s*pport*ve.

[iwaizooming]

. ♡ .

HAJILEX

“hajime, ask me why i love you so much.”

“hmph. you’re just gonna say it’s because of my muscles.”

“no! well okay- that too, but that’s not what i wanted to say! come on, ask me!”

“alright, why do you love me, bubs?”

“it’s because you make me feel safe. you show me so much love even when i don’t think i deserve it, even when i don’t think i’m worth it. yeah, that’s why i love you. so fucking much.”

❝ you remind me that i’m still alive ❞

[xelles-archive]

i just lost one of my stim toys

[earthangel]

i found an old letter i wrote to myself when i was 19yo; it was unfinished so i'll never know what else my old self wanted to say but i want to hold her hand & praise her for how strong she was & still is for keeping it together when her whole world was falling apart

[heofhearts]

       Behind the dreams of 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕪                Love dies silently                        Torn to the 𝕗𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕙 as the fire bleeds                                          Echoes of 𝒽𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎.                                               [ s ]

[kolibri-herz]

I feel like a big part of the reason i cant feel lived even though I see all the signs that I am is bc I dissociate like 75% percent of the time and that really sucks. Feeling pretty hopeless tonight.

[catmeme-moved]

i dont even know why i went to college!! i dont know what i want to do with my life and nothing even interests me anymore and honestly? i dont see myself even being around past 25 so whats the point? im just here wasting time and money doing nothing and feeling nothing and im going to continue to do that because if i drop out im going to disappoint everyone and my only alternative to being here is going back home to rot so!!! either way ill be unhappy!! im stuck and i dont know what to do 

[hugispuso-archive]

when teru. 😔

[tsukisdarling]

Rules

This blog interacts with 18+ content, basic DNI rules apply

I am very open to requests in my inbox, however I am a college student with two jobs bare with me

Don’t come into my blog and space demanding things, that is a one way ticket to the block list

As well as sending me things about my mutuals that don’t involve me

Please don’t unload personal things to me. That makes me very uncomfortable and takes a lot out of me

copyright ©️ mujinazaka 2021

[smolskye]

muzingz

thinking abt how when my bf visits me in canada i'll probably have him living with me in my tiny studio apt for at least 2 days at a time, and i like, WANT to look forward to that, but i have a really hard time with it, and i like him, but this shit is really hard for me to conceptualize. i grew up mostly alone (only child, parents worked all the time, closest friends lived a 20 min drive away) and having someone in my spaces is really hard. even cooking dinner with him the other day was difficult, having ppl doing things differently than i do is weird and i don't like it. and that was in my nice big kitchen here at home, what's it gonna be like in my tiny ass studio? am i gonna get sick of him immediately and get irritable and aggressive about it?? will i ever be able to live with someone, which is kind of a requirement for a long term relationship? i like the convenience of it, it's kinda annoying that it's a 15-20 min drive whenever i want to see him, but the idea of someone being in my space - or, if i live with someone, us sharing a space and that space belonging equally to both of us - really lowkey fucks me up. and he and i seem to be on completely different pages sometimes, i think he's ready for levels of intimacy (non-sexual) that i am not nearly ready for, stuff that actively weirds me out and crosses my boundaries (ftr he has never crossed my boundaries). and maybe that's just what happens with age differences, idk. maybe we're just in two different phases of life and i haven't gotten there yet. i need my privacy, i want my own space, i don't want to always be with someone else. and it's weird to imagine me, say, living in my own condo, doing my own thing, and knowing that someone else is there, even if they're not in the same room with me, just knowing that someone else is occupying my space. so much stuff that isn't invasive feels invasive to me, and that's one of them. i really do want to be alone most of the time, i like being alone. i love being with my friends, i like being with my bf, but i really need my time alone or i get snippy and irritable and not fun to be around. and yes this is two months away, i don't need to worry about it now, but i can't help it.

it's frustrating to be who i am, and need what i need to function. i have all these quirks and aspects of myself that i know are hard for other people to tolerate, and ones that make it hard for me to make and keep friends, and it just sucks. i just wish i was normal. i wish i could be excited for steps like the ones i'll be taking with him and the ones i've taken so far, but i just feel apprehension. and maybe that's normal, and maybe it's even healthy to feel cautious and not just jump into things. but i wish i could feel strong enthusiasm. and i don't think i've felt that enthusiasm before, either. i've been in relationships where i've discussed moving in with them, or ones where i've just imagined it, and while i did feel more confident with some than others, i didn't mostly feel enthusiasm. again, maybe that's normal and healthy. but i don't think i've ever been in love, and i feel like i should have been by now. i've thought i was in love, but later realized it wasn't. i've known i'm on the ace spectrum for a while now, but maybe i'm on the aro spectrum too. it feels like i've come close to it, but not quite, and it feels like the intensity of my feelings fluctuate all the time, to the point i make grand statements and feel things that i later don't feel, and i regret making the statements. it's hard because ppl don't deserve a partner who doesn't know how they feel, whose feelings change all the time, who's always a little bit scared and worried. i'm just so strange and it feels like everything i do is a little bit wrong. i want to love, and i want to be loved, but dear god, is it terrifying. and not even in the "they might hurt me" sense, though that is also terrifying. this fear is more in the lines of not understanding or knowing my own feelings, and not knowing their intensity, and not being able to predict when they recede or grow.

then again maybe i'm just playing 4d chess with my own brain right now and everyone feels like this lmao who fucking knows!!! i sure don't!! i'm 23 years old and i'm a big dumb idiot who never has any clue what they're doing or what they're talking about

[floralfemmes]

can never find my noice cancelling headphones when i need em