#-would get the beating lf my life

[woestruckalex]

sometimes i wonder weather my trauma actually shapes me as a person.. i used to think that i was capable of acting like a normal functioning adult but these days ive been noticing a lot of flaws that could be explained by my childhood

[sweetchildcloud]

Polyamorous headcannon with Geto and Gojo ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

contain s#lf h#rm,sex (not explit) hope you like this ^•ﻌ•^ฅ♡

@kiwicopia @muzansslxt @candy69gurl

(i choose this two pics c'ause it represent they're personality in the reletionship)

i totally didn't create this for my thirtsy needy b#tch a*s

Geto and Satoru are in a closeted poly relationship with you. You three are a team not only in work, but in life as well. When you are with them they never want to let you go even in your apartment. Even when you are sleeping the two are always making out or cuddling next to you.

Satoru and Geto often have cooking contests to see who can cook the better dish. It’s all in good taste though as they always share the dish they make with you. Geto takes great pride in his cooking, while Satoru is more so passionate about it. Both are great cooks nonetheless. Both are very protective of you, and you’re the one with final say in who wins and who loses. They won't get too overcompetitive because they can’t risk you being angry with them or losing you.

The three of you are out grocery shopping. Geto and Satoru usually have disagreements on what to get and what not to get, they’re like night and day. Geto is more reserved and is fine with eating any old food whereas Satoru really puts effort into his cooking and wants to take his time buying the freshest ingredients for the meal he is planning to make. You on the other hand are in the middle and keep everything from becoming too heated between the two. Satoru is also more flirty and playful with you than Geto is.

Geto and Satoru are constantly trying to win you over with affection. They’ll sneak off with you to find a quiet corner away from others and kiss you fiercely while hugging you close to them. The two are always competing to see who can make you the most flustered by their gestures of affection. If you decide to take a break from the shopping and sit down to rest, they’ll both try to sit as close to your as possible. Satoru is more affectionate out in public whereas Geto tends to dial it down in public.

You, Geto and Satoru are just hanging out in the living room, the two are busy playing video games to which you couldn’t care less. Geto is a bit of a sore loser and so Satoru purposefully loses to him so Geto can have the satisfaction of beating his friend. As a prize Geto asks for a kiss from you, and Satoru can’t help but pout because Geto beat him to showing affection towards you this time.

Satoru and Geto have gotten comfortable with being openly affectionate around you. The two of them will make out in front of you whether you’re in your apartment or theirs, or out and about. Satoru is also very clingy and has a habit of latching onto you whenever you are within his reach. Geto also wants to get a chance to show his affection to you and will do so through hugs and kisses, both are very clingy and like you to cling to them as well. Satoru loves calling you “baby” and will call you that often.

When you’re feeling down or like you just want a day to relax, the two of them are always willing to cuddle you and let you lay your head down on their lap. Satoru, being the more affectionate of the two, is always looking for a chance to hug and cuddle you, whereas Geto is more reserved and less of a cuddly type he will still happily hold you in his arms. The two of them always make sure to pamper you and show their affection towards you whenever you need it, and they never hesitate to give you comfort.

Geto gets extremely protective if someone dares to intentionally hurt you in any way. He would most likely fight them and give them a black eye or a busted lip. Satoru is more likely to confront the person verbally rather than physically he would either chew them out or give them a scathing look that’s enough to shame them. Both are protective of you but in different ways, Geto physically and Satoru verbally. However both wouldn’t hesitate to jump at the chance to protect you from any kind of harm regardless of the method.

Geto is very protective of you and does not react fondly whenever someone hurts you. He would get very angry and hostile towards the individual who’s hurting you and threaten them to stay away from you. Satoru is the same but slightly more reserved than Geto. When the two are around and someone hurts you they would try to both comfort and console you. They would stay by your side until they see you smile again or see you happy. They would also get a bit jealous of whoever is hurting you, thinking that they are taking you away from them.

Geto and Satoru are constantly bickering about something small, it doesn’t take much to set them off. While they are always at constant verbal war over petty things, when it comes to actual important issues that could possibly hurt you their petty rivalries immediately take a backseat. They never let the petty arguments affect the way they feel about you and always make sure you don’t get involved in the arguments. They both are equally worried about your safety and wellbeing, and they would never let a petty argument get in the way of you being happy and healthy.

Geto and Satoru are not afraid to show their passion or affection in the bedroom. They are both equal in their desire for you and love exploring your body and trying out new things. They both can get quite possessive of you. They have both agreed that sharing you three has been one of the best things to happen to them. Geto and Satoru may have fights and be completely opposite of one another. But when it comes to you, all pettiness is out of the window.

As the three of you are hanging out, things inevitably lead to the bedroom. Geto and Satoru start making out while they are pushing you to the bed. The two are extremely eager, and are pushing each other away to get to you first. Once Geto and Satoru finally manage to get[you in the bed, things get even more heated as they each try to make you flustered. They’re both flirting with you and using their words to try and seduce you. Geto and Satoru are both equally eager and both want to be the one to give you more pleasure in bed. While they are both equally eager, they do have a bit of a competitive streak in them still. Each one wants to please you more than the other.

Geto and Satoru’s competitive streak in the bedroom doesn’t just apply to who can please you better. Geto and Satoru are both very fit due to their training, but they still like to challenge each other’s strength. Both will be equally determined to pin the other down to the bed and be the dominant one during the session, but they won't get too rough unless you want them to. The two love using their bodies to prove their dominance while making sure to do it in a way that pleases you.

If you ask the two to switch, they will without hesitation. They aren’t too proud to switch positions if you ask them to. Despite their competitive streak, they respect your wishes as well as your boundaries. Neither will cross a boundary unless you have given them permission beforehand. Geto and Satoru are both passionate and determined in the bedroom, but they aren’t too prideful to admit when they’re at a loss, and they always try to please you. They make the best of your love making sessions, and they always have a good time with you.

When you’re feeling down or like you just want a day to relax, the two of them are always willing to cuddle you and let you lay your head down on their lap. Satoru, being the more affectionate of the two, is always looking for a chance to hug and cuddle you, whereas Geto is more reserved and less of a cuddly type he will still happily hold you in his arms. The two of them always make sure to pamper you and show their affection towards you whenever you need it, and they never hesitate to give you comfort. Despite the differences in how they are after sex, both of them are equally affectionate towards you. As Satoru showers, Geto will stay by your side cuddling you after the intense session you three just had. Satoru will get out of the shower and join you two in bed with a smug playfully teasing expression on his face teasing Geto for being clingy in front of you. Satoru is a bit more playful after the session than Geto is, which you find amusing as you’re cuddled between the two.

Satoru and Geto are always keeping an eye on your mental state. They always pay attention to when you get anxious or if you’re feeling down. They don’t pester you with incessant questions asking if you’re okay because they don’t want to annoy you with such, however they do occasionally check in on your feelings by giving hugs, kisses and letting you relax while they’re next to you. You never have to fake a smile or pretend to be happy around them, the two always know when you’re not okay.

When you feel sad and are having a hard time coping, Satoru is the one who would cook you a comforting meal and give you a long warm hug. Geto on the other hand, is the one who wants to comfort you by simply laying down next to you and holding you as you vent to him about what is causing you to be so sad. They want to take the burden off of your shoulders and take your mind off of whatever is bothering you with comfort.

As you’re feeling down and are close to tears, the two of them are both trying to comfort you in their own ways. Geto wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him while gently rubbing your back in a soothing manner. Satoru walks up to you and stands behind you before wrapping his arms over your shoulders and kissing the back of your neck. He holds you as tight as he can and speaks softly to you. Both of them are trying their best to distract you from the source of your sadness, so you can have a calm mind.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed or depressed and have self harmed, Geto and Satoru would immediately check in on you. They’re aware of your past and understand that self harm is something you do to cope with your emotions. Instead of getting concerned and pestering you with questions about why you self harm and if you’re okay, the two sit next to you to comfort you and let you calm down. Satoru rubs and holds your hand to soothe you. Geto just sits by you calmly letting you lean and cuddle into his chest.

The two are highly attentive and notice that while you may not want to speak about why you have self harmed, they both know that it is something you do. Neither really presses the issue or pries at you for more information. Instead, they both choose to let you lean and cuddle with them while doing small things to comfort you. Neither of them are going to get mad at you or yell at you for self harming, instead they both try to be as supportive as possible. Geto might also take you over to a store and buy you your favorite candies as a little treat.

[nanojungle]

Fish Wishes!

(Images aren’t mine, snatched from google)

Ok so I’ve thought about this for awhile and I’ve seen a couple of these guys in fish stores and done the research to figure out what’s going to be happiest in my 15G nano tank.

Honey Gourami as the centrepiece fish

When I see these guys iRL, they’re always inquisitive, swimming right up to things and then giving them a little pat with their feelers. They’re cute and interesting to watch. Generally considered a peaceful community fish but Reddit has been full of stories of them bullying their own kind until they die :< As they’re happy solo, I think I can give them a stress free life being the centrepiece fish of the tank with a few easygoing nano fish friends.

Or Sparkling Gourami as the centrepiece?

I love the idea of Sparklers. I fell in love with the YouTube series from Foo the Flowerhorn where they set up a tank with sparklers and amanos. In reality I think it’s very risky for the amanos; I’ve had LFS guys and Reddit posts give me anecdotes about the sparklers eating shrimp or killing them off slowly by beating them into hiding. Let’s be honest, I do this hobby to relax. I’m not going to have violence in my tank! Such a shame as they’re so pretty. The image of these guys with their turquoise scales and a backdrop of a bunch of baby blue jelly shrimps would be soo cool but I know there would be suffering so it would never be worth it.

Nano fish

Celestial Pearl Danios

Excuse the shitty iPhone vid. Sometimes you just have to go to see some fish iRL to figure if you’re really going to love them.

I’ll tell you what, every time I see these guys in real life they make my heart flutter with how stinking cute they are. They have beautiful colours and are so small. The ones I’ve seen in store have been about 0.8” in length.

Chilli rasbora

These are another species that always catch my attention in person. Their little faces and big eyes are too cute to handle and their body shape looks like a miniature red shark. They’re also micro predators so they would have a great time gobbling up the creatures and loose eggs in the tank. Thankfully their mouths are too small to do any damage to shrimps!

Extras;

When I think of all the gross lil non-fish creatures I would enjoy in a tank, my mind always gravitates to cherry shrimp or amanos. With amanos I think i’d like the peace of mind to rely on these lil dudes to clean up the nastier hairier algae if it turns up.

However, a hoard of cherries swarming the tank and filling it with bright colours would also be so fun! Blue jellies are the cutest but bright orange ones look like you’ve got a tank full of pre cooked shrimp or living cheetos.

Anyways, that’s my fish wishes! Im not going to get every one of these fish, just a centrepiece fish, some skrimps if compatible and a small shoal of nano fish.

Next weekend I might go to the LFS and see what I can find, I’m so excited!

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

dw rewatch - takes on "the end of the world"

companion watch:

"the artic desert" hits different lol

something something bella vs the witch

rose's fear attack when she finds heres lf in the alien situation. she's genuinely terrified! it's a good beat, man. more than that, it's a rare beat. I get a lot of people don't vibe with it and prefer the more "buffy-esque approach, since it's "more to the point" and gets you larger than life figures… but personally I much prefer it when scifi/fantasy scenarios are portrayed as the terrifying reality they would be. also this: "ROSE: I just hitched a ride with a man. I don't even know who he is. He's a complete stranger"

war of the world vibes with the little robot fellas. /unintentional parallel to how cassandra dies and how the aliens in that book die?

"it gets inside and changes my mind, and you didnt even ask" "i didnt think about it like that" it's interesting that rose question this tbh

"five billion years in the future, my mum's dead" "bundle of laughs you are" /god i love this exchange. nine's constant attempt to downplay ANY surfacing of Real Emotions. rose's naivety in contemplating for the first time in her life that oh yeah, people die. the first statement of the "everything dies, everything ends" theme that will be woven throughout all the rtd era.

ngl i wish rose Did More in the plot of this episode, in terms of actually solving the crisis, feels like a stepdown after Rose giving her the most climatic moment... that said she does get a lot of great quibs in this one: "you two go pollinate and i'll go meet the family"/ "and i want you home by midnight!"/ "its better to die than to live like you, a bitchy trampoline" / "youre just lipstick and skin"

she's really similar to nine/ten in that aspect. they both have that "humor as defense mechanism" thing

blorbos:

the way nine and rose Lean in those stairs…. im Looking respectfully and im Thinking pure thoughts. (honestly ppl talk a lot about ten and rose's body language in s2 but there was A Lot going on with nine and rose as early as episode 1)

"all that counts is here and now" can't tell if zen mindfulness or a desperate defense mechanism to cope with ptsd.

first thing rose does is call her mum ): - Cassandra "I'm too young" vs Ten's "I was going to do so much more"...(ben wyatt voice) it's about the hypocrisy (oh having written this note before rewatching new earth... put a pin on that!)

timeless child retroactive continuity bonus: perhaps cassandra as "the last human" (not really a "human") paralleling "the last timelord" (not really a "timelord)? - "JABE: And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two. Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left". well post-s13 they're gonna enjoy themselves a lot more lol - there's something very anti-entropy about how the child gets to regenerate indefinitely without "losing" its essence and its dna integrity (vs cassandra's "flatness", the child gains more and more complexity as time passes).

colonialism/hegemony: - NINE: "mind you, when I say "the great and the good" what I mean is the rich." / "Five billion years and it still comes down to money" / this maybe be harsh,,, honestly i hate to say but doctor who sometimes really is just typical neolib """anti-capitalist""" fiction. - in the sense that it pretends to be anti-capitalist, but really is just capitalist realist. it's writers can imagine 203223 scenarios of the earth dying but they cannot conceive of a post-capitalist world, a classless society or simply a world without taxes. Of course you could say "this is so these stories are relatable" but even in their relatedness, there's rarely a portrayal of the anti-capitalist struggle (rather than just generic star wars-style, ideology-less "rebellions).- (that said, obligatory "I'm not a politics robot" disclaimer... "Do you think it's cheap, looking like this? Flatness costs a fortune." is an iconic retort lol) - there's also a kind of subtle Myth Of The Linear Progress Of History thing going on with cassandra being framed as someone who "stayed behind" and has not embraced this analogue to our "Color Blind Post Racial Society" which has "Obviously" outgrown prejudice and notions of racial purity. - "good thing i didn't take you to the deep south" / "you were to busy making cheap shots about the deep south" // parallels to-> "who do you think makes your clothes?" "Is that why you travel 'round with a human at your side? It's not so you can show them the wonders of the universe, it's so you can take cheap shots?" "sorry" . actually no rtd i dont think these are chepashots at all lol they are VERY relevant shots!! it's very transparent how the writers are kind of meek about making these *truly* transgressive points, but it's much easier to have the doctor argue that rose having a donor card is "a different morality"... again one is truly transgressive, the other is fun-but-no-challenging-of-the-hegemony scifi "dilemma". - the "quick word with Michael Jackson" line is doing A Lot but idek how to even begin to entangle it lol it's very 00s, for sure. - for once, a self aware one: "People have died, Cassandra. You murdered them." / "It depends on your definition of people, and that's enough of a technicality to keep your lawyers dizzy for centuries"

themes: - everything has its time and everything ends check your bingo cards. racial purity vs mixing vs 'progress'. class. life cycles. gut instinct (rose jumping the gun to empatise w/ the doc + nine going through the fans + rose reaction to the alien parade). destruction as tourism, as "artistic event" (an uncomfortable parallel to how this is what our heroes will be doing for the next 10+ seasons). - this episode does a bit of a u-turn on the previous (And the next) on its constant questioning of the intrinsic "meaning" of a physical body. in this, cassandra's continuous operations are framed as a kind of "lost of an essence". also the "surface" of her thinking as metaphor for her missing the "essence" of what it means to be human (biologically but more fundamentally, ethically).

Live Fast Die Young / YOLO / everyone deserves to be mourned. everyone deserves a dignified death. thread carefully and cherish life, because it will all be gone. our time is limited and short and it is because it is short that it means something. Life only means anything because there's Death.

ecology and environmentalism. "there are many species in that planet. mankind is only one / I'm a direct descendant of the tropical rainforest." obsessed with it. wish they brought back the rainforest.

[chaos-storm]

Had a nightmare that I had to join the hungergames

This is my single most recurring nightmare throughout the years, so while it isnt exactly fun, I am used to it.

The look of and terms of the hunger games are always wildely different, but this time we were a large group who were locked in a room (with split hallways) and things in the room would kill us until one was left. We could also kill eachother but no one wanted to.

A lot of my friends were there, and we has this belief that it never mattered who lived or who died, because we would reincarnate and see eachother in the next life anyway

At one point the games started and we heared that they "released the deer", and a lot of us climbed onto a bed and stuck together to stay safe. Some people tried to walk to the other part lf the room down the hallway, and we just heard the grotesque sound the "deer" ripping them to shreds

Wierd, thin tentacles made of darkness would try to slither up from under the bed and we had to beat them back. At one point, a door to the outside opened and we rushed out, only to find that hundreds of people were part of the games. We saw large groups form together and try to run, only for the earth to collapse under their feet and swallow them as they ran.

I woke up shortly after a man and a creature he owned started attacking me and I tried to get away

I'm luckily not too affected by it now that I'm awake, but it is tiresome to get this nightmare again

[kokoro-no-kintsugi]

Session II

CW/TW: mentions/allusions to ab-se, r-pe, s-bst-nce use, s-lf h-rm, s--cide attempts..a lot. Proceed with caution.

"I think it's time to get into the thick of it. Can you tell me what makes you hate yourself so much?"

Sure, I guess. I'll give you the long version.

It started when I was very young. It started with angry words from shouting voices that belonged to the people meant to love me and keep me safe. It started with abuse from otherwise trusted babysitters. It started with me being wrong for protecting myself, with me being too much, with me not knowing any better when I was barely conscious as a person yet.

Nobody remembers the bad things except for me. I guess it's easy when that's just a weekday afternoon for them, but I unfortunately took it as trauma in my formative years.

I'd like to say it got better. Sadly, no, as I aged into school years, I found out that you cannot beat perfection into a kid, but you can beat them into being a perfectionist for the rest of their lives, apparently. You can make them terrified of being themselves if "themselves" were seen as a child with "behavioral problems". You can make them overly analytical and second-third-fifth guess themselves because mistakes are not tolerable.

That's when the family deaths started. A man I was not blood related to that had treated me like his own grandchild since the day I was born, and one of the scarce amount of family I did not feel the pressure to put on a perfect kid act for, and arguably my favorite adult in my life back then..I'd watched him lose toes, his foot, and eventually his leg up to the thigh, along with his kidney function. But no one expected when he went under for surgery the last time that it would indeed be the last time. I balled my little eyes out for him. When he passed, he also took any relationship I thought I had with my grandmother with him. As I know now, good riddance. As I knew then, though, why didn't she want to spend time with me anymore? What did I do wrong? I learned many years later, she wished that my father--and by proxy, myself--didn't exist at all.

Then it was a distant great uncle, whom I'd only ever known as a funny family nickname until I saw his obituary. Another adult I'd loved to spend time with, although it was rare due to the distance. He taught me about his garden, how he'd save table scraps from his and his wife, a sweet Asian woman he'd brought home with him after a war, and turn them into compost. Turned out that soy milk and tofu were pretty good when he'd let me try them. His funeral was tough, being tired from the night before...

The night before, turns out I was just small enough to be slid through my aunt's kitchen window. My uncle, who had a penchant for alcohol, had fell asleep (so we thought) on the couch in the back room, leaving my aunt effectively locked out of her house. We couldn't have that, my dad and I, so we helped her get back inside so she could work on cooking food for the next day (we tended to eat a lot after funerals, perhaps that explains why my depression/grief always has such an appetite). Our aunt, however, was unable to meet us for my great uncle's wake. Fresh from the memorial service, a phone call struck us all like lightning; we were meeting her at a larger hospital in the city we'd traveled to for the funeral. My uncle, sadly, had not been sleeping when we'd broken my aunt back into her home the night before. My aunt discovered the next morning when he'd still not moved from the couch that he was unresponsive and that something was very, very wrong. That something being a brain aneurysm. He'd been airlifted from our small town to the hospital we'd be headed to shortly. I sobbed into my slightly older cousin's shoulder and her into mine; it's not exactly a picnic as a kid to walk out of a funeral basically into the next one in progress.

I'd never felt such a level of grief in my life until then, yet I remember my older family harshly quieting us down instead of giving us any sort of consoling. I, at some point, had taken this as emotions are meant to be quiet, bottled up, and dealt with alone. Terrible lessons for a child, I know, but I guess they didn't.

Somewhere in there, I went from being an only child to being an involuntary third parent to three siblings, who went from being difficult because they were infants to being difficult because of their own mental dissonances. As I like to put it up, we're all very different shades of fucked up.

Then, I was a teenager. A 14 year old with a quiet rebellious streak and a fondness for an older boy. An older boy that had his own problems and abuse he faced at home. An older boy who needed a pretty punching bag. It was mostly emotional abuse, destruction of any self worth I'd tried to make for myself, sexual abuse..though, I'd gotten pushed around and mistreated physically from time to time as well.

I got taught how to shut up about my feelings a lot more efficiently. Also, as a testament to the impressionability of a young teen, I learned a new method for dealing with pent-up pain, hurt, and growing self-loathing from a television show. I put a knife to my skin for the first of what would be many, many more times. I lined my arms with neatly spaced cuts, feeling some sort of relief when they welled with droplets of blood.

Sandwiched in the middle of said mistreatment, I met arguably the worst person I ever could have--the only good to have come from meeting him is that it lead to my current life. Just freshly over the line for statutory status in my state, and desperate for a love that didn't hurt, I happily threw myself at him. He seemed to give a damn about the scars on my wrists and my wellbeing in a way that no one else had been in my life so far. I sure as hell didn't give two shits that he was 5 years my elder, I mean, I was already with an older (17 to my 15) boy right? What's the difference? I spent a weekend with him behind my parents backs, and in the process learned that women could in fact be on the receiving end of sexual favors (I'll let you figure out why I didn't know until then).

The next weekend, I tried to spend with him too. I felt loved and happy for once, and I felt like a junkie looking for my next high as I hoped to spend more time with him. My father, though, being off that weekend, was meticulous in trying to keep up with his eldest daughter in the way that he always was until I moved out on my own. I was caught in my lie, and when what happened beforehand came out, my parents were angry in a way I'd never seen before. Having to tearfully explain it all over to a police officer, being forced apart from someone I cared about until I was at least 18, and being threatened with a military/corrective academy/group home when I did try to contact him one more time... I'd never felt more hated as a person than I did then.

Until my freshman year was over, I spent my time at school in constant tears and watching the great grades I'd once had slide quickly into the garbage. I knew what was ahead of me that summer anyway; any contact I could've had with the outside world was to be cut off, and I'd be stuck in a house with siblings I couldn't help but resent at the time and parents I was convinced didn't even want me as a kid anymore.

I think I made it nearly to July before I tried to ride the sewer slide into what I hoped would be a forgiving afterlife. I still remember the feeling of the overdose rather vividly. I grabbed a bottle of pills of mine that weren't being used and wouldn't be missed--I swallowed what was in the bottle. I hadn't researched this in any way of course, so it most likely wasn't a deadly dosage. But the feeling of losing feeling in my legs sure felt like my soul was being lifted from this heavy waste of a body, so I pulled myself onto my bed and fell into a silent darkness.

From my best guess, I woke up a day later. My absence hadn't been noted, and I felt an extra curse on my being that I was still alive. Why did I continue to survive in a world I wanted no part in? (I guess so I could get to where I am now..)

Sophomore year came finally to save me from my crippling loneliness. I slowly fell back in to some sort of normalcy, and took on a new personality in the form of ROTC. The rigid structure rekindled my need to excel, and I eventually leaned so far into it that, in the moments that my older boyfriend from prior didn't manage to dash it, I reclaimed some sort of power for myself. I made friends, I worked hard, I cut my hair short and leaned into the person I wanted to be.

Which was easier before the sexual assault. An older cadet had taken note of me, and decided to prey upon my naivety in the form of a late evening outing to a private pool. Why not? I trusted my fellow cadets well enough. In the swimming we'd done before the sun fell down, I found myself constantly fending off advances. I tried very hard to convince him I wasn't interested. So, he finally said he'd take me home. Crisis averted, or so I'd hoped. Wrong.

I had no idea what road we were on, out in the countryside in the dark now. I had no idea why he'd pulled over and parked until he was on top of me. I begged him to stop. I just wanted to go home. He'd forced himself inside and if I hadn't thrown him off by making up a pretend phone call with my "worried mother", I don't want to think about how much farther it would've gone. When I finally stumbled through the front door in the pitch dark, that same "mother" half-asleep on the couch, asked if I'd had fun. I'm sure I mumbled something to get away to my room and fell asleep in tears.

I wish I could say I had some time that summer to process what happened to me, or even talk to somebody about it. Of course though, I didn't. Story of my life so far (ha ha, I'm funny).

July the 4th. One of the last days I would spend with my first boyfriend. We were part of a bigger group of friends hanging out in a friend of a friend's pool, and I thought we were having fun. I guess, though, my playfulness had come off as aggravating, and I was swiftly punished in a way that I still can't quite shake to this day. He shoved my head under the water, and as my playful squirming quickly devolved into panicked struggling, I felt myself honest to god drowning under the arms of a boy that I had spent the last two years loving and serving as an unofficial girlfriend. Before I could feel my mind slide completely from the lack of air, I aimed my teeth at his chest and bit him with everything I had in that moment. Finally, I was let go, and as I broke the surface, I could barely take in any air for the coughing up of water.

A couple of friends tried to tell him he'd done something fucked up just then, but he shrugged it off. The day ended with his apology of "if I'd meant to drown you, I would've fucking done it." One friend in particular had stayed in my aide, and I tried to take solace in it.

Too bad that it had to be another boy with nothing good on his mind. That also couldn't take no for an answer. Imagine white knighting a girl from an abusive boy just to drag her out to your remote, empty house with no cell signal and turn 10 "no"s into a "whatever, get it over with". I'm glad he found somebody else to date when junior year started, because the last thing I needed to do was be romanced by another creep.

Except, to no one's surprise at this point, I was. Just not the same guy from above. It wasn't an uncomfortable relationship at first, we'd struck up a quick friendship in ROTC, and I quickly became his long distance now-exgirlfriend's public enemy number one. She brought out the worst in me, causing my mountain of insecurities and once targetless rage to culminate in a hateful campaign against her. I did things I wasn't and still am not proud of doing, but it was nothing particularly harmful or illegal...just made me look like (and feel like) a nutjob. I guess I wasn't too happy about having someone I barely knew of threaten my wellbeing however she could.

Right, this is supposed to be about the newest installment to my dating history at the time, not her. Our relationship wasn't particularly notable in the beginning, I think the only change was that I actually started liking sex instead of it feeling like a chore. Life came and went around us.

I started experimenting with otc pills not long afterward, remembering the pleasant feeling of floating off when I'd attempted over my freshman summer. I'd also sporadically add in a prescription pain killer my mom had stashed in the same cabinet; at my worst, I'd mixed it with sleeping meds as well as a migraine medicine with caffeine, downing the lot of them with a cup of coffee. This is the first time in my life I'd ever known what "high" felt like. It'd been a short lived experimentation, though, perhaps a month at most.

It had luckily (if you could call it that) coincided with my grandmother raiding the medicine and liquor cabinets in the midst of a mental breakdown, so I'd gotten away with it in the end. Not so lucky, though, I'd been the first to find her covered in bloody scars. I remember her apologizing, trying to explain what had happened, and though I'm sure she doesn't remember, I'd simply responded that I understood with a vague motion at my own scars.

Eventually, things sorted themselves out, at least a bit. I went to my boyfriend's senior prom, watched him graduate, we went on a vacation to the beach with his family, blah blah. If we weren't constantly on the edge of an argument, I might've said I was happy.

My senior year came. I dropped ROTC as I'd been passed over for a position I'd fought tooth and nail for, and the anger burned too much for me to simply gloss over. I did continue in the extra curricular parts of it, but the resentment never really died. I also found out my boyfriend was in fact another of the "10 no's and a whatever means yes" types. The year was mostly unremarkable otherwise; I was refused when I begged my boyfriend to take me to my senior prom, so I missed it. I also lost the most crucial woman I'd ever had in my life, my great grandmother. She'd been more of a mother to me than my actual one ever was. I'd always told her she'd see me graduate, but leukemia cut her life short by just a couple months. Good god did that sting. Managed to get a concussion for my senior day and still walk the stage for my community college degree later on that day. Graduated high school.

I'm sure I sound deadpan about all that. Mostly because I'd assumed I'd have finally offed myself before I ever picked up my diploma. No dice. So I started working my ass off in a fast food kitchen and took classes at the local community college. Somewhere in the midst of that, I'd been invited by friends to come to a youth group.

It was there that I met my future exboyfriend and my future exhusband (spoilers). Seeing as my current boyfriend was constantly shit-talking me to his pals even though he knew I'd see it, I started getting closer to my friends to have some sort of light in my life. My mental health got worse as my relationship collapsed, though, and I tried to overdose again somewhere in there. Which is only remarkable in the fact that I'd swallowed half a bottle of sleeping pills and managed to work a night shift at my job without anyone noticing.

Inevitably, he'd decided my getting close to my future (ex)husband and best friend was actually me cheating on him. Hilarious really, because we'd never even so much as looked at each other that way. I did like him of course, he seemed like much less of an ass than my boyfriend, but he was in a relationship and I didn't want to interfere. Boyfriend becomes ex over text, only to try and patch things up the next day. I told him to go to hell. My friends invite me over for games one day, only for me to find out he'd staged a meeting with a bouquet of roses. I once again told him where to get off, and let the roses rot and die in the backseat of my car. He even tried to say how he'd been making payments on a ring to propose and asked how that'd made me feel. "Angry" I had replied. I think he finally started to get the hint.

I'd ended up in tears at my at the time good friend's house. He talked me through things, and of course it ended up in a confession of feelings for me. Dreading the thought of being alone after being single for a little while, we back and forthed about whether it would be a good move before he left for college, but we inevitably ended up together.

What a fucking ride I was about to go on. He's the first and only person in my life to make me feel like I was inadequate sexually, however this seemed to be much more a problem with his own struggling sense of sexuality than it was a problem with me..didn't stop me from taking it personally, though. I'd even started pondering my sense of gender at this point--I was a tomboy my whole life anyway, it wouldn't have been a huge leap to just be a boy, right?

Either way, he'd left for college and I made long drives every weekend I could to see him. It helped that I'd gotten a new job thanks to the last kind thing my cousin ever did for me, referring me to her fiance's uncle, who became like a surrogate father figure in my worklife. I went down and took my boyfriend on the nicest dates I could think of; lavish dinners, expensive card and collectible store raids, the whole nine yards. Put myself in a hell pit of credit card debt.

Then my friends and I all went down to spend the weekend with him at an anime convention. The weekend would've been absolutely amazing..except. Saturday night happened. Tired and frustrated with trying to get everyone together after a late night rave, a few of us milled about on the sidewalk outside. A random person offers my boyfriend and another friend a tenner if they went across the street and made a jump from a story up the stairs of a under-construction building. They were unable to get past the gates, luckily, but another random guy was able, and managed to break his ankle in the jump.

I helped the guy best I could to get his ankle straight until he could get checked, then went over to playfully hassle my boyfriend over the fact that that could've very well been him. After a minute or two, I watched his expression go blank. He pushed me backwards first, just far enough so that his fist could wind far enough to land a hard punch to my chest. I felt the wind go out of my lungs. I felt a rushing in my ears and tears well in my eyes--then I lost some time. I was apparently hysterical, having something worse than a panic attack (in fact, I learned much later into my mental health journey I'd been triggered into a ptsd flash). Someone drove us back to the dorms, and my then bestfriend came into the room later on and it was then (must've been an hour after the fact by this point) that I was able to squeak out "he hit me" after having lost my voice since it happened. He immediately begins saying if IF it did happen, he'd blacked out, must've been because I was hassling him, whatever he could say to deflect. Right. It's always my fault, somehow.

You'd think I would've walked away from the relationship, but I sadly believed him as much as my friend did. I even ended up planning (and failing due to my car overheating halfway to the spot I'd picked) to propose to him myself, and I did, though it was an odd bojangle's parking lot instead of the beach. Woof. That's hard to relive.

I turned 21 that year. Not long after, my father said I was becoming an alcoholic. I kept liquor under my bed to nurse myself to sleep for some time. Couldn't show my face at a New Year's party I normally would've loved to been at. Turns out that this is what my depression feels like when it's bad.

After sporadic contact off and on, my friend (future exhusband) starts talking to me again. Invites me over to take some extra junk food off his hands. I get there and within a minute he recognizes that something is very wrong with me, and starts talking me into going to see a therapist.

Maybe you'll see a pattern here, but it felt really nice to have somebody see I'm struggling and give a damn about my wellbeing. All the feelings I'd had for him before that had never died off came back and hit me like a deer being plowed by an eighteen wheeler.

It came to a head on Valentine's day. We'd flirted and skirted around the gray areas of being unfaithful for a bit, but when he took me to dinner and kept ordering me drinks (I wanted them, I don't believe this was a ploy BECAUSE) he brought me back to his house and put me to bed to sleep it off, but in my drunken, sad state of being, I begged him in tears to sleep with me. He gave in to my begging, and I became something I never wanted to be--a bonafide cheater.

You could maybe write off one night like that, but once that first time happened, I couldn't stop. I loved him, I wanted him, I wanted what I thought was happiness and forever because I'd waited so long for this. But god, did the guilt fuck my head right up. The worst of my scars on my thighs came from that guilt, and I was so suicidal that I was dubbed a "flight risk" constantly. I started to feel like he was my only anchor to life.

It took a little over two months, but I finally had to come clean to my boyfriend lest I let the guilt eat me alive. I'd struggled with the thoughts of telling him as he was incredibly mentally fragile as well, and I dreaded the thought of being the one to push him over the edge. That's no excuse to lie I realize, but it was where my mind was at the time.

When I had told him everything, he'd suggested overlooking what I'd done, he didn't want to lose me. As sweet a gesture as it sounds, I simply couldn't allow the relationship to continue--I wasn't happy with him, I hadn't been in many months even before my affair, and if I'd ended things the way I should've, it wouldn't have been an affair in the first place. We remained friends for a while afterwards even as my new relationship started rolling.

Somewhere in this, my boyfriend and I spent a night hanging out with my oldest friend from school and her waste of space then-husband. We all got drunk, and before I knew it, I had three people on top of me in a sexual way that I felt gross about. I ended up leaving boyfriend there and driving myself home, wanting to throw up but not from the liquor.

I also got into smoking weed at this point. I fell in love with the stuff; it tempered the constant body pains that I couldn't get a doctor to take seriously and it helped my currently unmedicated brain process emotions a little better. One day I'd gotten high and not felt like driving, but my boyfriend and friend wanted to go to the pool. Friend offered to drive, I agreed, and laid across the back seat of my car for the ride.

We never made it to the pool. My friend pulled out into an intersection and got us t-boned, totaling my car and whipping my spine, which resulted in my one and only ride in an ambulance in my life so far. I stayed the next couple days with my boyfriend at his house, and it wasn't a couple months later that I finally moved out of my parents house to live with him and his family.

Not long after my moving in, my ex had asked me for an online game, which wasn't uncommon, but I was tired from a long day at work and politely declined. Thirty minutes later, I'd been one of a few friends and family to receive what was meant to be a suicide letter. I panicked, calling him almost a hundred times as I ran over to his family's house to bang on their doors and warn them--all of which, the calls and banging, were ignored. I thought finally to try my work phone, which had a completely unique number. He answered on the first ring. I cried in relief begging him to be okay and while he had attempted to run out into the heavy traffic near his college, he was unsuccessful and was being escorted to a psychiatric ward by a policeman. I went back home, sobbing painfully and nearly vomiting from the stress. He called once from the psych ward, and then I never (and I mean to this present day) heard from him again. I tried so hard to talk to him, apologizing over and over, begging for responses for quite some time after.

Oh well. Back to the rest of it. My boyfriend and I were happy-ish for a while, until his anger issues and general aggravation with my precarious mental and emotional state started to make arguments a regular part of our lives. Well, he argued, I shut down. I went to therapy, went through a long laundry list of medications for depression and insomnia. Nothing ever worked too well for too long.

I also lost my relationship with my cousin who'd been my best friend growing up because I refused to go to her wedding without him accompanying me; he was my rock and the only thing standing between social events and anxiety attacks. Sad. Life goes on.

Stress and drama became a usual mainstay in my life. It wasn't much different than my life before, but I was slowly losing my ability to tolerate it. Then, I brought up the idea of trying polyamory. I will preface saying that polyamory probably is wonderful for other people, but it isn't something I should've gotten into, as I was in it for the wrong reasons. I'd gotten the idea from him, he'd done it in his previous relationship. And when I wanted to try it, it was funnily enough with his previous third partner that I'd always had some feelings for, but my god what a trainwreck of drama that girl ended up being.

Then we had a threesome with one of my long term friends. He became a ENM fling for me, but I cut it short as I did not want to mess up our friendship. Then, I got the bright idea to try the same thing with the guy my parents had tried to put under the county jail when I was 15. It was fun at first, then I made friends with his ex/baby mama, and was informed that he had an STI...that he'd not mentioned at all. I was blindsided and full of rage. I struggled at first with whether I should forgive him or not, ultimately I didn't, and stranded him at work one night as I cut contact after I left him there.

Not long after, we traveled to meet my now-fiance's partner. I loved her, she was a wonderful girl, and I helped plan an extravagant weekend for the three of us. Too bad I didn't take him spending the night in her room instead of mine too well. Or him sleeping with me, me begging him to stay with me a bit longer or at least to not go over there to sleep with her immediately after he left me.. that one really didn't go over well.

I couldn't take it. I ended up making them split up, which was such a heart rending feeling of guilt for me that I had a mental breakdown at work and got rode over in an ambulance (oh, guess it was twice in my life) to the hospital. My dad had to come pick me up, and I lost my job over what I'd done to myself at work.

We got married a couple months later. I remember having a conversation with my dad and lying about how I was feeling as we waited for him to go back to the house and get his license (which you need for the paperwork part of marriage to his surprise).

October came and he took my car out one night without asking. Half asleep from a powerful dose of ambien, I answer a panicked phone call. He'd wrecked my car. I had to go pick him up, and was made out to be a horrible person for being too tired to have a proper reaction.

Except I absolutely was positively pissed beyond belief. This was my second (also my favorite) vehicle to be totaled by someone else. I resented him so much. January rolled around and in the midst of a volatile argument, he'd said he hated me a little right then. I was truly never able to let that comment go.

We fought our way through to April, having made friends with yet another trash-incarnate human being in the meantime, but it didn't matter right then. One day I sat by the river with a bottle of pills I was sure would do it this time, and a photo of the two of us together. I didn't do it, then got to make me feel like I wished I had. The next day I took myself to the emergency room and, because of my prior history, my voluntary admittance was quickly flipped into an involuntary stay.

I never felt worse than I did while I was held in the emergency room, no contact, nothing to do but be alone with my thoughts. I cried, screamed quietly, couldn't sleep despite being loaded with valium.

I was transferred to a nice hospital psych ward in the mountains. I spent my week there making friends with people of all kinds, doing group therapy, and enjoying what felt like a safe little fishbowl compared to the terrifying ocean that was reality outside.

They figured out part of the problem was an antidepressant I'd been against taking in the first place, go figure. I was finally put on a medication that worked consistently, and sent on my way.

I spent the next month after my discharge absolutely drunk off my ass. The whole month. I ended up screwing around with the garbage friend despite not having permission to do so, and nearly lost my marriage when I admitted that it happened a week later. My husband and I spent my first week at a new job fighting over text, but we were eventually able to reconcile (kinda. Things wouldn't be the same afterward but that's expected).

Maybe a month later, I met who is decidedly the love of my life, but we started off as just friends (and coworkers, too). He quickly became my best friend since we spent so much time together. I was good friends with his ex (then girlfriend) too, and the four of us hung out outside of work almost daily.

We managed to get through my birthday and halloween happily. Then, without warning, his girlfriend becomes his ex and he's being kicked out of his living situation. I honestly took offense with how awfully my best friend had been treated, and decided to show her how clearly I was on his side the only way I knew how.

I picked him up and brought him back to my house from his family's, and we spent the weekend talking through things until the sadness turned into laughter, and I had very fast and hard fallen deep in love with my best friend.

I was an asshole for asking my husband to allow me to have a relationship with him, but he did agree to it as he was afraid of me doing it behind his back if he said no. But, any yes was good enough for me at that point.

It worked for a while, he even moved in with us for a month or so. As expected, though, things blew up, and instead of trying to salvage my broken marriage, I ran away with my boyfriend because I felt something with him I'd never felt before now--peace.

And even though we spent a month effectively homeless on a friends couch, even though we've been through so many things already together, he has consistently been my peace. He has loved me through some of the toughest decisions of my life and has helped me try to rebuild my mental health with a type of patience and gentleness I never thought possible of another human being.

"This sounds like more of an autobiography than it does reasoning."

I'm sure it does, but I've at least halfway answered your question in telling you all this.

[staysuki]

📍HAPPY DEATH DAY | l.felix smau (masterlist)

synopsis

-> rich yet down-to-earth. devilishly handsome yet an angelic sweetheart. before you transferred to your new university, lee "yongbok" had already established a fine reputation for himself—beloved by everyone, a personality that can bring world peace. but something seems off—because you've definitely seen him before, and he's not as sweet as he makes himself out to be.

pairing: fem!reader x slc!felix (snobby!y/n x mysterious!felix) (y/n is a bit like veronica lodge—the riverdale one, not the comics one, sorry lolz) (a bit of an OC y/n, just cause she has nicknames and identifiers and whatnot) (felix is called "leo"—from lee yongbok—just cuz that's hot) | friends to enemies to friends to lovers ig idk

genre: smau, light fluff and crack, semi-angst, mystery(?), strangers? enemies? to lovers? idk. no promises. it is what it is. (a bit of season 1 riverdale vibes)

warnings: mentions of death, illness, accidents, injuries, implications of s*lf h*rm and s**cide (but not from any idol, just background side characters). slight violence. criminals. sexual themes (just mentions, nothing too detailed, no smut). cussing. extreme language. R16??? 18+??? a tamer version of SLC nevermind that, i changed my mind, it's not as tame. high society scumminess, lots of ill gossiping and reputation destroying. think gossip girl but worse. mentions of the dark web and the black market.

notes: this is a spin-off series from one of the characters (felix) in my other smau (SWEET LIKE CANDY), but you don't need to read that series first before this one. this can be enjoyed as a standalone in itself because felix was only a side character in that fic. there will rarely be any mentions or allusions to the old fic, maybe here and there but it won't make it confusing.—the university/setting is VERYYYYY far from where SLC is set, imagine small town in the middle of nowhere type of beat where felix won't get caught.

chapters—

[red—written chapters]

teaser.

characters.

000—happy worst day.

001—i'm a birthday clown tonight.

002—though my lips are smiling.

003—i'm not getting in the mood.

004—everybody looks the same like me.

005—it's boring, boring, boring, boring.

006—in a room full of stuff.

007—at the sound of empty applause.

008—blow out the candles.

009—one, two, three (foo).

010—everybody's missing a thing.

011—celebration with no feelings.

012—even when the candles went out.

013—would they wear the same expression?

014—birthday, it's your birthday.

015—the sound of the song.

016—silenced by the fireworks.

017—worst day, it's a worst day.

018—the clown's laugh echoing softly.

019—the clown's laugh.

020—tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, ha-ha.

020.5—happy death day.

021—happy, happy worst day.

022—feel like.

023—tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, ha-ha. (2)

024—happy death day. (2)

025—happy, happy worst day. (2)

026—i'm so sick of the fakes.

027—so sick of the fakes.

028—i'm so sick of the fakes. (2)

029—so sick of the fakes. (2)

030—run, run for your life.

031—run, run for your life. (2)

032—i remember the day.

033—when i was eight.

034—there was no laughter on the table.

035—in front of the dried-up cake.

036—smiling with pale lips.

037—now, hold your breath.

038—one, two, three, four.

039—i'm gonna run away.

040—farther, farther, farther away. (finale)

041—everybody blesses me. (epilogue)

lost hooks

ORIGINAL/PREQUEL: SWEET LIKE CANDY (hwang hyunjin's) SECOND SPIN-OFF/HDD SEQUEL: DON'T SHOOT ME (the story of han jisung)

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT (HDD v1. basement extras)

(not a part of HDD but it's early revision before i changed stuff).

1

2

3

(mm/dd/yy)

date started: 01/10/22

date finished: 04/29/22

taglist: (open!)

networks: @ficscafe

[buuggerz]

⚡️Jason’s Glasses 👓

Hi im back! i know it’s been a while life’s been crazy—— Anyways

This idea came from the fact that i remembered that Jason doesn’t get his glasses till later + realizing my best friend is insane for sleeping with his glasses on <3

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After Receiving his glasses, Jason has to adjust to keeping them on all the time, So after learning to keep them on and remembering to keep them with him. Jason finally gets used to wearing them all the time.

So when He starts to do tasks like studying, Brain-storming about the shrines and other Pontifex Maximus duties, that makes him lose time when deep in focus.

Jason Accidentally Developes that habit of Sleeping with his glasses on.

Mostly due to Falling asleep at his desk or Forgetting they’re on his Face while he reads before bed, Even forgetting to take them off for the rare occasions he catches a nap.

Thats How a certain Son of Hades Finds out.

During one of the many times Jason has spent in Cabin 13 Hanging out With Nico di angelo, They’re rambles of conversation had lulled into comfortable silence. Both Just enjoying each other’s presence, while they both did they’re own task.

Jason being a chronic over-worker while laying down and reading abook was a recipe for tired drooping eyes. The son of Hades looked up from his Sketchbook to see The blonde half awake.

“You should take a nap, gods know you probably need one, Grace”

Which was met with a Yawn and nod from the Son of jupiter, who closed his book- and his eyes with. Nico waited for him to take off his glasses, but that never came. He looked in disbelief and he poked Friend.

“Hey Jason take off your glasses, if your actually going to nap” he hummed

Jason just shrugged it off with a tried movement. “i sleep with them on all the time”

“What!?”

The Blonde opened his eyes to find Nico now staring at him as if he was out of his mind.

“You know that’s how you break your glasses right?— it can even cause an eye injury Jason— “

He went on scolding the older boy about all the draw backs and— being friends with an apollo kid has rubbed off on him, Jason chuckles to himself.

Nico only ceased his warnings once, a slightly amused Jason grace took his glasses off with a sheepish smile.

That was only the beginning.

Jason slowly began to realize that Nico would show up at Cabin 1 more often, Staying later into the night than usual. always giving Jason a reminder to take off his glasses before Shadowtraveling back to his own cabin, Sometimes even taking the glasses off the son of Zeus if he happens to doze off during his visit.

It had become a Habit at this point, maybe even routine. The son of hades would check in and sometimes find Jason lf asleep, book in hand or hunched over his desk. Those times were met with Nico gently taking his glasses off before waking up the roman demigod so he could sleep on his actual bed.

The act reminds Jason just how much the Shorter demigod cares. He would be lying if he said it didn’t make him warm—in a perfectly platonic way of course.

Then on a sunny day, They’re both sitting Under Thalia’s Tree while enjoying the nice breeze. Jason closes his eyes and mays back and relaxes.

Nico looks over at Him after a while, Thinking that Jason has once again Fallen asleep with his glasses again. He scoffs with a small smile before carefully taking off Jason’s glad off. He also Notices a smudge of dirt on the others cheek and Gently rubs it off with his thumb.

He looks down at jason. Let’s out a small laugh.

“Dork” is all Nico says, as he Takes his hand away and sets the older demigods glasses aside. Before dozing off himself.

Only Now Jason opens his eyes being very much awake, heart beating as if it’ll burst from his chest, and his face flushing as he’s now hit with the realization his feelings for Nico are more than just platonic-

Jason touches his cheek where the others Hand had been, suddenly never wanting the warmth to disappear.

——————————————————————————————————————————

I hope you guys liked this one! it was going to be longer but half of it got deleted ;-; I might write another part if people are interested— But anyways I tried to make this more ‘fic like’ maybe so i’ll actually turn things into fics

if you have any ideas or want more my asks are open— or leave em down below

[dreamescapeswriting]

Curiosity Killed The Cat ~ LMH & LF [M] [Request]

WORD COUNT: 4.9K

PAIRING: Minho x Fem!Reader x Felix

GENRE: consensual smut, Hitman au, mentions of death, assisnation, bombings, blood, face riding, oral, threesome, M/F/M, after care, no protection

A/N: Please I had so much fun with this! I love writing AU’s so much!!! 🥺🥰💗 Hope this is okay for you my lovely little anon!

"If you don't stop tapping that pen I'm going to shove it so far down your neck you'll whistle when you breathe," Minho growled in Felix's direction as they sat together in an old beat-up car. All Felix had done for the last four hours was tap and click the pen over and over again deciding that he was single-handedly going to be the one driving force that made Minho want to quit his job.

"I don't see anything else to do," Felix countered as he stared back at his partner who simply glared at him before looking out of the window again. It was a stupid idea to stake out a university it looked suspicious that two men were waiting in a car outside but it was the bosses orders. Stake out the school and wait for the suspect to come out but it felt creepy. Although it was a university and most of the students were their age it was strange to them both.

"Have we actually seen him go in?" The truth was no one had seen the guy that they were after in almost seven months, he was good at hiding which was why he was nicknamed "The Chameleon," something Minho hated. Why give the bad guy a name it was only going to boost the ego even more. 

"He's supposedly acting as a student," Minho handed the folder over to Felix keeping his eyes on the door, the Chameleon could walk out right under your nose and no one would have an idea it was him. 

"Why a student? Surely it would be feeling for him to be a teacher," Felix flicked through the folder the guy was a serial bomber that his company had been after for years. He'd killed almost over 100 people with no remorse whatsoever. It was as if the guy was a robot, he didn't care who he hurt as long as he got what he wanted, not that anyone knew what that was. His clues were always so vague. One thing for sure, it wasn't money that he was after. 

The government had tried to pay him to stop the needless killings only for the guy to blow the bag up in the middle of the street. 

"Easier to hide...Won't be so obvious when things go missing around the school...The student we're looking at fits his usual MO." Minho sighed taking a deep breath and looking at Felix for the first time in an hour. It was beginning to worry him the closer the two of them got to catching the guy. Their job wasn't a simple catch him and arrest him, no, they were the last resort. Kill him on sight as soon as they know, without a shadow of a doubt that it's him. Assassins or as they were better known as now, Hitmen. 

"Transfers in the middle of the year, things from the science department go missing and then there's the-" Right as Minho was about to explain that there were constant fire drills the alarm began to blare out through the school. 

"Those," He mumbled staring back over at the double-doored exit from the school. There was no use sitting at the entrance when they knew he liked to hide from everyone, if he was the one doing this they needed to find him and quickly before anyone else got hurt. 

"Another drill?" You mumbled looking to your left to see your best friend Mina smirking at you, you rolled your eyes knowing why she was so happy. Thanks to the fire alarm she was going to get out of her final exam and pass it no matter what, 

"It wouldn't surprise me if you were the one pulling them," You mumbled sarcastically as you pulled your satchel over your shoulder, looking around for her so-called boyfriend. 

"What did you do? Get Farara to pull it?" You teased as you jabbed your elbow into her side, walking out into the courtyard and taking in a deep breath, 

"You need to relax, we've just finished exams and you're still studying," Mina rolled her eyes at you, it was always the same with her. She wanted you to let your hair down and relax while you wanted to focus on things that were important to you, like actually passing your course. 

"I have another two years to go, you're done. I'm just getting started." You reminded her as you looked around, you loved Mina with all of your heart but since meeting Farara she seemed to be getting in trouble more. Not only with the university but with the police. Just last week you'd been called down to the station to bail her out because she was caught driving around in a stolen car with enough products to set a whole house on fire. 

"Take a year off, come with me and Farara to England. He's going to take me away and spend time with his family." The more you heard about the guy the more worry began to grow inside of you. She'd hardly known him and yet she was planning to run away to a different country with him,

"What does he even do for a living? To get all of this money?" You questioned hoping she wouldn't get too annoyed with you asking her about him. It seemed as though whenever you asked questions she would get pissed at you, claiming that you were just trying to poke holes in their "relationship,"

"What does it matter?" She stared at you with a disgusted look on her face, 

"Hey, baby!" A voice cried out as a pair of strong-looking arms wrapped around Mina.

"Snuckums!" She practically squealed making you jump as she turned around and began making out with him grotesquely in front of everyone. 

"That's my cue to leave," You said loud enough for them to hear, turning to head home to your dorms when Mina grabbed your arm. 

"Party tonight. Come with us," She begged looking at you with pleading eyes, as you were about to decline Farara scoffed at the thought of it. 

"Y/n? At a party, don't make me laugh. She's the party pooper baby, she doesn't know how to have fun." For some reason, the anger bubbled up inside of you and it seemed to annoy you more. If Mina had been the one to say it it wouldn't have bothered you as much but from him, you wanted to prove him wrong. 

"I'll be there. Text me the details," You smiled smugly in his direction but he just seemed to smirk, it made you feel uneasy to see him smirking at you like that. 

"This will be great! A going-away party right baby!?" Mina squealed before making out with him once again.

After spending almost four hours trying to pick something to wear you finally felt ready to go and headed straight to the party. It was at the frat house Farara had been living in since he got to the university. The whole walk over from your dorms you could have sworn someone was following you along. 

"Glad you could join us, take this." Mina handed you a drink and then laid a flower necklace around you before disappearing into the house leaving you alone. 

The whole house seemed to be partying hard, loud music was blaring for different speakers each of which was playing a different song. People were already yelling and dancing drunkenly along the floor and not to mention someone throwing up in a flower pot. 

"You came pretty late, didn't think you were going to show," Farara smirked once he caught sight of you in the kitchen. You hummed before putting down the cup Mina had given to you, there was no way you were going to drink that night. Not unless it was water at least. You didn't know anyone besides Mina and she was clearly preoccupied with other things.

"We have juice boxes in the basement," Farara joked earning a laugh from someone else in the kitchen but Mina pushed him softly. 

"Leave Y/n alone, she came and that's all that matters. Come on, let's go dance." She pulled you straight into the living room without giving you a chance to answer her. 

"Isn't this fun?! I'm so sad you never got to have parties all year," She pouted at you, wrapping her arms around your waist as she swayed in time to whatever song she heard first. The mixture of the songs and stench alcohol all starting to hurt your head the longer that you stood there but you were at least going to wait an hour before heading home. 

"What the fuck are we doing?" Minho mumbled as he stared down at the jeans and shirt he was wearing, Felix had dressed in the same outfit only a different coloured shirt. When Felix suggested going to the party Minho didn't think he meant actually attending it.

"We're blending in." He chuckled laying one of the flower necklaces around Minho's neck who stared at him with a filthy look the moment it touched his chest. 

"What better way to find out information than going to the people that know the guy." It still didn't make Minho feel any better about being at some kind of dumb University frat party. Everyone was drunk and drooling over one another except for the girl that they had followed over, you. 

"Look," Minho nudged Felix and nodded in your direction as they watched you heading for the bathroom alone. You stood out amongst the rest, instead of dancing or drinking you were simply looking for a bathroom and keeping your head down. They only knew about the party because they'd overheard you and Mina talking about it earlier that day. 

"She looks like she could be here to help, we saw them speaking with one another earlier," Minho reminded Felix but he shook his head,

"She does look like she wants to be here, they didn't look like they liked one another." Minho shrugged his shoulders as he thought back on it, 

"All good acting," The two of them weren't sure if Farara had a partner this time but in all of his other bombings, he had someone. Someone who would take the fall for him, usually the good girl gone bad once they met him and fell for his traps. Promising them a life of happiness in another country, planning everything out so it would seem as though he truly loved and cared for them when he didn't. 

"I'm just saying we find The Chemelon, take care of business and leave," Felix whispered as they made their way through to the kitchen when they saw him. A loud laugh spread through the air that physically sent shivers down their spines, watching as he left out of the kitchen door and down the back garden. 

"Follow him," They said in unison as they headed out of the same door, keeping their heads down as they tried to see what it was he was doing. 

Stepping out onto the back porch you took in a long deep breath of the cold air, it felt nice to have it circulating through you instead of the stuffy air from inside. Mina had begged you to stay once she caught you trying to leave, making you promise her that you wouldn't go anywhere until she found Farara who had run off leaving her in charge of the party. In your mind, he was out fucking someone else since he seemed like a player but you weren't about to tell one of your best friends that. 

The longer you stood there the more you wanted to go home but as you looked down at the end of the garden you frowned. Inside the small shed, there was a flashing light coming through the window and you could have sworn you heard someone grunting. 

"I swear to god if this is Farara I'll murder him," You mumbled to yourself as you began to walk towards the building. All you were going to do was look through the window, if it was him you'd find Mina and tell her. If it wasn't him you'd just act as though you hadn't seen anything but the closer you got the more uneasy you began to grow. Something inside of you was telling you to turn back but you weren't about to let your friend get cheated on by some good for nothing low-life.

"Tell us what you're planning and maybe we'll let you off easy," Felix whispered in Farara's ear from behind him. They'd followed him out and found him packing up a suitcase which meant the bombing was sooner than expected from him. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," The boy stuttered as he stared between the two men in front of him, both of them had guns on display to intimidate him into speaking. As if being strapped into a chair with garden rope wasn't scary enough for him.

"Look, we know who you are. Just tell us where the bomb is," As soon as the word bomb left Minho's mouth he heard a gasp and branch snap from outside the shed. His eyes met with Felix and he nodded over to the side door where Felix could easily get out without being seen. 

Stepping back from the building you tried to move out of the way but ended up backing into someone who pushed you back to the window. Forcing you to stare through it as the man inside shot Farara in the chair he was strapped to. There was no sound from the gun you just saw a blur before Farara dropped forward, lifeless in the chair as blood pooled from the small entrance wound in his head. A small scream was building up in your throat but before you could say a word a hand was covering your mouth and you were ushered into the shed. 

"Clean up to Agents 322 and 366," The man who had killed Farara said down a small earpiece looking over at you with a small smirk on his face, 

"What a curious little kitten," Felix purred in your ear as he ran his fingers up and down your cheek making you shiver, 

“Curiosity Killed The Cat you know,” Minho chuckled as he looked over at you from his phone.

 "I'll ask you once, and only once." Minho lowered himself to your level, looking you in the eyes. 

"Do you know who he's working with? Your friend maybe? Could she have known what he was planning?" Bile rose up in your throat as you watched the blood pooling onto the floor, running along to Mino's shoes as he stood there. 

"Mina. S-She wouldn't have know...I don't think," You looked back at Minho, the gut feeling inside of you seemed to subside as you looked at him and Felix who was now standing in front of you. 

"You don't seem scared that we just killed your friend?" Felix questioned looking from the body and back to you, your eyes get dancing to and from Farara, half expecting him to jump up and have this be some kind of joke. 

"A friend? I didn't know him and he did nothing but belittle me...What was it you said about a bomb?" Curiosity began to build in Minho as he watched you, there wasn't even an ounce of fear towards them from you. 

"Have you heard of the Chameleon?" The realization hit you as you stared at Farara. 

"He fits the MO." You mumbled shocking Felix who just seemed to stare at you in disbelief. 

"You're training to be in the forces?" Minho asked as he laid a garden sheet over the body, your eyes staring back at him this time. 

"My father was an FBI agent, I know some things...I know you're not FBI." A smirk plastered across Felix's lips as he watched you and Minho interacting the way you were. It was the first time he'd ever seen Minho act so casually with someone in months, not to mention he seemed laid back. 

"How do you know that?" Felix quizzed looking over at you as he folded his arms over his chest. 

"For starters, neither of you have a badge otherwise you would have shown me by now, your guns aren't standard issue for agents...So you're hitmen...That or random psychopaths." Minho blinked at you before standing up straight when he heard a knock on the door. 

"Clean up crew," Minho pulled the door open and ushered you out with Felix on your other side. 

"Do you need help with her?" A female voice asked as you turned your whole body to see a female staring at you. 

"No thanks, you go and clean up. We'll take her home." Your eyes shot up to the one with the deep voice, Felix, and you frowned. 

"We'll make sure you get home safe," Minho added when he could see how confused you were. 

Leading you over to their car you stared at it, it was the same car that had been following you earlier. 

"You followed me here," The back door opened and you crawled inside, looking around at all of the empty food packets. 

"Ignore the mess, we were on a stakeout," Felix chuckled as he got into the front passenger seat and glanced back at you. 

"I'm Felix and this is Minho," He shook your hand and you felt a spark ignite inside of you. The way his hand fit around yours made you shiver a little, 

"Look at that, someone liked your touch Lix." Your eyes shot to Minho started up the car and smirked at you through the small review mirror. 

"Give us your address kitten," The small nickname made you clench your thighs as you could feel an aerosol building. After giving them your dorm address you began trying to pull yourself back together, you'd just watch them kill someone and yet you were getting wet at the thought of them calling you kitten. It didn't help that they were insanely attractive, Felix's muscles could be seen through the thin white shirt he was wearing and Minho's ass looked like he worked out an awful lot. You blinked, ignoring the growing wetness that was pooling between your legs. 

"Look at that, we haven't said one suggestive comment and you're squeezing your little thighs together," Minho chuckled as he reached a red light, turning to look at you from the front seat and licking his lips at the sight of you. Completely innocent and sitting there rubbing your legs together as if that was going to give you any kind of satisfaction that you were desperately craving. 

"My guess is she's going to go home and touch herself to the thought of us," Minho teased as he began to drive once again, watching Felix as he turned to look at you. His eyes locking with you as he reached behind to rub your knee softly. 

"I mean she doesn't have to think of us, we could do it for you princess." The car stopped outside your dorm but you made no attempt to move as the car was shut off. 

"Would you like that?" Minho questioned turning his body to look at you. The need to press your thighs together built up but Felix kept them apart, licking his lips as he waited for you to answer the question. A finger trailed up and down your knee and you shuddered, 

"Yes! Yes...Yes, I would like that," You spoke loudly as you stared at both of them, the two exchanged a smirk with one another before climbing out of the car and holding your door open.

"Then who are we to let a pretty little kitten go home needy," Felix growled in your ear, holding your arm as you all walked in the direction of your dorm room.

Neither of them wasted time when they got into your room, attaching their lips to either side of your neck as you let out small whimpers of pleasure. You could already feel each of them smirking against your skin, Felix's hands around your waist while Minho kept his on your breasts, massaging them softly with his hands whenever you would whimper. 

"Here we thought you were the good girl," Minho whispered making you jerk away from him, 

"I'm not. I'm sick of people saying that to me," You spat at him your eyes locking with his as he tilted his head to the side, a smug look on his face. 

"Prove it to me," Without another word you pushed him down onto your bed sinking to your knees in front of him. You pulled down the jeans he was wearing discarding them behind you, forgetting about Felix behind you until he laid down on the floor. 

"Up," He ordered, you rose to your knees and he slid under you so his breath was right against your core. 

"Looks pretty," He whispered referencing the bright pink thong you had worn under your dress that night, 

"But it needs to go." One snapping sound later and you felt a cool breeze on your core,

"Dripping wet Minho, you should see her." A finger began to trace along your folds making your hips jolt forward, 

"So wet, pretty and-" A small kiss was placed on your clit and your eyes widened, 

"Tastes define." Felix moaned out in a deep voice, you whimpered looking at Minho. 

"The confidence seems to have faded from you kitten," You ignored him pulling his cock free from his boxer and smirking at the length. He was larger than you expected but you slowly pumped him in one hand, looking up at him smugly as he jerked. Minho shifted a little, leaning back against the bed letting his elbow prop him up. Running your fingers over the indent under the head of his cock your smirk grew wider as he moaned out.

"Good girl," He breathed out as your tongue began to caress him, swirling around the head of his cock before you took him into your warm mouth pumping your head back and forth while your other hand rested on his thigh. 

"My turn," Felix whispered pulling you to sit down on his face as you let out a moan around Minho's cock who seemed to moan out in pleasure. Hollowing out your cheeks you ran your tongue over the indent you'd found earlier and he cried out gripping onto the sheets around him. 

"Oh shit!" You moaned out as you could feel Felix's tongue running through your folds while he worked two fingers in and out of you, curling them up to meet your g-spot making you cry out again. 

Minho thrust up into your mouth as you took him back, moving your head faster this time setting his whole body aflame. Each thrust of your head caused his whole body to stiffen and he looked at you, holding your face as he began to thrust a little more. You smirked around him nodding at him to let him know it was okay and he slowly began to thrust into your mouth. 

"S-Shit she likes that Hyung, clenching around my tongue." Felix chuckled as he continued to eat you out aggressively as you rode his face, your hips bucking little by little as you felt an orgasm beginning to build up inside of you. Minho thrust up once more before his whole body shook and he let out a moan of your name, cumming into your mouth as he rolled his head back. You swallowed every last drop and focused on the pleasure Felix was giving to you, gripping onto the bed as you rocked your hips in time with his licks. 

"So pretty when your face contorts like that," Minho chuckled as he began kissing you softly, holding your neck in his hand lightly as he forced you to look at him, 

"Do you like this? Two strangers fucking you?" You nodded as you let out a choked moan, pulsating around Felix's fingers as he continued to thrust them into you at a rough pace. 

"Cumming!" You screamed out as your hips continued to buck as your orgasm ripped through you, your legs shaking as you tried to stay upright on your knees instead of falling to the floor the way you wanted to. 

"Y/n?" Felix whispered as he pulled himself into a sitting position, watching you as you ripped your dress off from your body, you were ready and you needed one of them inside of you. Now.

Lips met yours over and over again as Minho pulled you up onto the bed, sitting back against the headboard as you straddled his lap. Kissing him wherever you could, lips, neck, collarbone, anywhere you could get your lips on him. Felix sat behind you naked, his cock pressed against your ass as you let out a whine. 

"Still so wet," Felix chuckled as he teased your entrance with two fingers, meanwhile Minho had worked his fingers down to your clit circling slowly. 

"Holy fuck," You breathed out as your head fell forward to rest on top of Minho's. Your brain was in a fog as they continued to tease you with their fingers until Felix sank two inside of you and Minho applied the pressure that made you cry out pushing your hips back into Felix. 

A third finger was added and your whole body felt as though it was on fire, your fingernails dug into Minho's arms as you cried out a mixture of both of their names. 

"Someone is ready for us," Minho chuckled as they removed their fingers making you whimper at the sudden lack of touch from either of them. Felix moved to the edge of the bed and sat in the same position Minho had before. 

"On the floor kitten," He whispered as you got onto your knees in front of him, this time Minho sat behind you with his cock at your entrance causing you to clench around nothing. 

"You sure?" You ignored the stupid question as you sank down onto Minho's cock crying out as you adjusted to the size of him. 

"That..Oh shit...That's a yes Felix," Minho moaned out as he held onto your thighs, grunting at the tight feeling as you wrapped around his cock. Smirking to yourself you looked up at Felix, taking him into your mouth and began to bob your head as you had done with Minho. The two men moaning out in pleasure as you controlled them, moving your hips up and down at a slow pace just to torture Minho that little bit more. 

"Fuck," Minho's hands gripped onto your waist and he thrust up harder and faster into you, his breathing jagged as he moaned out your name. Felix's cock twitched into your mouth as you began to roll your tongue around the head of his cock, reaching your hand down between your thighs to circle your clit. 

Fire was beginning to build in your stomach with both moans from men titling you over the edge. 

"Just like that," Felix cried out as you moved your head in time with Minho's fast thrust. The room filled with wet sounds and slapping skin as you cried out around Felix's length. Felix's hand rested on your cheek as he began to thrust into your mouth, grunting as he came down your throat holding you around him until his hips stopped jerking. 

"M-Minho! I-I’m cumming! I-I’m cumming!" You screamed out as he continued his sinfully fast thrusts until he came into you touching you deeply as your head rolled back against his chest. Clenching onto anything you could get your hands on, screaming out his name. Cumming around him as you pulsated in pure bliss, your whole body felt as though it was shaking. 

Minho smirked as you slept in his shirt, they'd managed to clean you up with a warm wet cloth and got you into bed. 

"Poor thing must be exhausted," He smirked running his fingers over your face as your frowned in deep slumber. 

"That was a nice reward though for finishing our job," Felix laughed as he looked at your body, you were curled up in a small clutching onto the sheets and he smiled. 

"We should get going, paperwork to report and all that," Minho mumbled grabbing a hoodie from your wardrobe as he turned to leave.

The morning you woke up images of what had happened flashed before you and if it hadn't been for the achiness between your thighs. You would have thought it a dream and yet, you were laying there in a shirt that wasn't yours and a note beside your bed,

Until next time Curious Kitten x 

Written at the bottom of the note were two numbers with the boy's initials by the side of them, you clutched the note against your chest as you laid back. Enjoying the memories of the night before. 

Tagline: @minholuvs​ @taestannie​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @taeechwitaa​ @justbangtanthingz​ @stillwithlix​ 

[belle-keys]

a stupid, unnecessary thread of me reacting to The Great season 2 because I'm a hoe for this show

THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE LIKE THEY REALLY DO WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER BUT *I CAN'T* LIKE GIVE THE SCREENWRITERS AN AWARD

"I'd fuck your dead body for days, I hope you know that."

GIVE NICHOLAS AND ELLE AWARDS RIGHT NOW TOO PLEASE FOR THEIR LINE DELIVERY

I want Peter to die a humiliating death but also... sometimes not. Just sometimes.

"The more you toy with me the harder my cock gets. There are softer oak trees." I REALLY WANNA KILL HIM BUT THIS IS SO FUNNY I CAN'T

WHY IS VOLTAIRE BEING SUCH A HOE??? LMFAOOO (I hate how believable it is too, that the Voltaire himself was hoeing around Europe whilst... enlightening it.)

did she ask him if he’s muslim!?!?!??

OH YAYYYY FREEDOM OF RELIGION

omg Peter’s coronation speech was so 🥺🥺🥺

would you kill a dude if he called you dickhead?? idk kinda seems semi-reasonable in certain contexts tbh

seeing Peter get the shit beat out of him was pure therapy idc

“I am fucking charm itself” BRUH I’VE SAID THIS IN PUBLIC ALREADY DEADASS

"The cold blue of her eyes made me shiver in a sexual way I have not known" PETER PLS STOP BEING A SUB ON MAIN

"I find power imbalances wildly erotic. I suppose I'm old-fashioned that way." MEEEEEEEEEEE

“There’s a dragon at court.” “There’s an idiot too and I’m looking at it.” I LOVE VELEMENTOV MAN

Peter is full of so much shit but why do I feel like he’ll be the best dad and house husband in the world

NO CUS WHY IS PETER SUCH A MALEWIFE LIKE-

GDHSJSJSHHS GOD I HATE HOW IM SHIPPING THIS SHIP

“CLITTY BITTY” DAMN IT LIKE GIVE THIS SHOW A DAMN PULITZER WILL YOU

"Let's put that 'heir to the throne' shit to bed" Peter you're undoing your damn redemption and I'm gonna hurt you for this speech.

THEY KILLED THE OLD WOMAN NOOOO IM NOT OKAY THIS IS NOT OKAY I WANT CATHERINE TO HAVE ALL THESE BITCHES PUNISHED

IM GENUINELY HURT AND TRAUMATIZED BY THIS LIKE NOOOO I WANT THESE NOBLEWOMEN HURT

nooooo Catherine don't hug Peter he's a son of a bitchhhhhhhhh

YESSSSS MARIAL SHOOT THAT BITCH IN THE HEADDDDDD DASS RIGHT I LOVE MY BISH MARIAL

ayoooo Gillian Anderson?! Noice

okay I've forgiven Peter again (kinda) AND THE WAY HE TOLD HER MOMMA HE LOVED HER?!?!?!?!

"oh she LIKES my fucking tongue" I CLAPPED LIKE YES IT LANDED IT LANDED I TELL YOU

elle fanning has got to be the prettiest crier I've ever seen omg like she looks like a tormented, weeping deity that you want to save and pitch back up into the heavens in a very British Isles way

now why do I sound like Peter here

one may kill Gillian Anderson? with the nut of pea? holy-

oh wait she's alive!!!

awwwww the solar system that's really cute he really wants to be a dad omg :'(((

NO CUS HIS REDEMPTION ARC IS THE BESTEST OMG I WANNA SOB

did this hoe ass Joanne SLAP HER PREGNANT DAUGHTER WHILE PREACHING ABOUT SAID DAUGHTER'S SAFETY?!,!!?!?!,!

WHY ARE THEY HAVING SEX NOOO PETER THIS ISN'T PART OF THE DAMN PLAN YOU LOST THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE

yo dis bitch deddd... HAHAHAHAHAHA

THAT WAS HILARIOUS THO

well well well… if it isn’t one lf my first curshes ever and top 10 blond dilfs, Freddie Fox. We meet again you sexy son of a bitch.

“A Hail Mary and a handjob” yo isn't that the entire history of that one churchy place inside Italy (you know where)

ANHHH THEY’RE BEING SEXY BUT SHE’S GONNA FIND OUT HE SCREWED HER MOTHER ALSO WHY IS HE KINDA HOT LIKE EVEN MY CAT STOPPED BITING ME TO WATCH THIS SCENE

I blame Skins for every single problem I have ever had in life

yooooooo this scene- imma head out like i feel like i’m INTRUDING this is so shshdhdjjsjaja

YESSSS SHE LEARNS THE TRUTH!!!

Okay but the emotions man- Catherine is like, overloaded at this point :(

AND OF COURSE IT'S RESIDENT BLOND BRITISH DILF OF MY CHILDHOOD FREDDIE FOX THE FAKE SWEDE WHO CHANGES THE GAME DASS RIGHT LET'S RETAKE SWEDEN SEGGSY

"You fucked my mother x5" damn

SHE STABBED THE DOUBLE

wait... so all is good??? Peter doesn't look mad so- he's kinda tender rn actually :')

bruh

WELL MY HOES, 10/10, DID NOT DISAPPOINT

[esther-dot]

I really wanted Myranda to be her companion. We already had Marg and her cousins ditching Sansa. Otherwise it seems like Sansa shouldn't be friends with highborn feminine girls like her. She should be friends with un ladylike girls like Brienne, Mya etc. Is it me or grrm had problems with feminine girls being friends? Also he rarely had Sansa and Jeyne moments.

(continuation of this convo)

Anytime we talk about women in ASOIAF, I always think about this post by @karynlibrarian in which she pointed out that there are 4 named women in comparison to the 23 named men in the Winterfell household. So, it is undeniable that there's a problem when it comes to including women in the story, strictly as far as realism goes.

As far as the implications specifically when it comes to Sansa, I think she should have had some more peer relationships initially, but part of the reasoning for her to go to Cersei is how isolated she is from everything she loves in the North, and if she had a group of friends who shared her interests, there would be less pushing her to want to stay in KL imo. And, after they arrest Ned in AGOT, Cersei wants her isolated, she is the daughter of a traitor, so there are explanations for her lack of friends there. Also, if Sansa had friends in KL, it would greatly alter the story, she wouldn't be forced into trusting LF with her safety, so some of this comes down to what the author wanted to achieve. Then of course, when Sansa escapes KL, she is still afraid for her life, posing as a bastard, the isolation is about where they are physically etc. Basically, there are authorial reasons for this as well as some in-world reasons to justify it. So, I suppose it's an unfortunate blend of those and the author having a blindspot. The interaction with Margaery shows us how caring Sansa is (in trying to protect Margaery by warning her about Joffrey even though Sansa desperately wants to be free of Joffrey at that point), and it is also about Sansa learning more about the way the world works. It feels sexist because of the lack of positive female relationships to balance it, but we can see the reasons behind it.

Something I've been trying to be more aware of is how I am influenced by the fandom's negative interpretation of Sansa and how I might unknowingly allow it to feel like Martin's. He never criticized Sansa's interests, the fandom does. So, while we want Sansa's interests affirmed in-world by like-minded people, friends who engage with her and support her, he may not see that as necessary because he didn't intend anyone to read them as bad in the first place. His purposeful awakening of Sansa to the harsh realities of Westeros was never a condemnation of her, it's all about bringing her to the point where she sees the problems, will be able to navigate the dangers, and create a better world. Part of this is that their world needs to be accepting of women who don't fit their standards, who don't want to marry, so there is a very deliberate broadening of Sansa's mind imo. He knows (and we know) that Sansa can get along with feminine girls, but he thinks she needs experiences to help her understand/admire those who don't fit into her idea of what girls are meant to be. We want to see Sansa happy rn, but (I’m assuming) he wants to bring her to the point where she can facilitate happiness for her people, for women, who may not have it otherwise. 

Martin is very intentional (even if I haven't figured out what his intention is!) with his writing and has a purpose with interactions that go towards a character arc, and isn't all that interested in giving us warm fuzzies. We would be very happy (obviously!) to read about nice/fun interactions, but he is trying to discuss certain ideas and achieve his own endpoints so at times, he thinks a single beat is adequate to convey what he wants when we would love more. So for Sansa and Jeyne, here's my favorite moment:

So she wept, pleading through her door for them to tell her what was happening, calling for her father, for Septa Mordane, for the king, for her gallant prince. If the men guarding her heard her pleas, they gave no answer. The only time the door opened was late that night, when they thrust Jeyne Poole inside, bruised and shaking. "They're killing everyone," the steward's daughter had shrieked at her. She went on and on. The Hound had broken down her door with a warhammer, she said. There were bodies on the stair of the Tower of the Hand, and the steps were slick with blood. Sansa dried her own tears as she struggled to comfort her friend. They went to sleep in the same bed, cradled in each other's arms like sisters. (AGOT, Sansa IV)

This bit does a lot of work in telling us who Sansa is, how she relates to others, and also, that Martin doesn't intend to disregard the importance of relationships for her. “Like sisters” is a poignant and sweet line. He values that kind of relationship and expects us to as well. 

So, I suppose I would say, there is a problem, but by the time he recognized it, Sansa's story didn't allow him to rectify it. And then with the fandom's anti Sansa bias, that oversight was misinterpreted as a reflection on Sansa/criticism of her type of femininity when it was never intended to be. When we write our fanfic, we’re far more focused on relationships, mostly romance, which lends itself to more domestic scenes/scenes whose purpose is to establish intimacy. He has to use his scenes for a lot of other things, and I’m not sure I find him at fault for that. Healthy relationships simply are not his focus. And looking forward, knowing how much he has to squeeze into the next two books, how some of Sansa’s story will be fleeing North…I can’t say I have high hopes of getting much of our ideal kind of female friendships for her written on the page. I would expect some moments, but I’m keeping my expectations in check. 

[sunjaesol]

awakened, slowly

human!juke | excerpt from "we're too young to know things like love"

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If someone told him ten years ago that after meeting Julie and consequently warding of Nick’s advances by losing all inhibitions from her peach shampoo, that he’d be sleeping next to her - he’d cry. Well, laugh awkwardly because that definitely wasn’t a fantasy sixteen year old Luke had, and then cry. Because wow: he got lucky.

Luke was an early riser. Always has been, always would be. Julie however, liked to sleep in. That might become a problem in the future, but all he could think of right now as he opened his eyes was that he’d rather stare at her for a bit. It sounded creepy, but it wasn’t. (“A little creepy,” Alex would say in that high pitched tone.) Julie was the love of his life and his wife and bleary sunlight was streaming through the curtains and she looked so perfect even if her hair was a complete mess and her cheek was red from the heat.

He loved her, the rest didn’t matter.

She was curled into the curve of his body, one she had easily found all those years ago and never left since. Head on a soft patch of chest and shoulder, legs tangled with his, one hand either clutching his t-shirt or pads of fingers unconsciously caressing his skin. It was the best way to sleep and the only way he has known how to for a while.

(He remembered in high school how exhilarating it was to simply sleep with her. Nothing more. He slept a better, felt happier, more refreshed. Sex was great, but having her find him in her slumber without a problem? Fucking heaven.)

(There was that one time though, like two years ago, when there was an extreme heat wave and they were snippy and grumpy with each other for a week. It was when Julie began fighting about why he bought cherry tomatoes instead of normal ones that they realised it was their lack of contact that made them antsy. The heat wave soon subsided and after, they laughed about it.)

His hand went through her hair, nose nuzzled against her as he couldn’t keep the smile of his face. His heart just felt giddy. His fingers got caught in a curl, carefully detangling and letting it fall on her cheek. Her lips twitched.

He wished sixteen year old Luke could see twenty-six year old him right now. How that angry rocker boy would soon get hit with the electric hammer the second he arrived at LF Arts and how the crush he felt on the girl in the music room wouldn’t pass in a couple of months, or even a year. How it wouldn’t necessarily heal the hurt of estranged parents, but that it helped. A little. How he’d find someone, at just sixteen, that held his hand and saw the callouses and said: okay. It’s okay. I have my callouses too. How he’d soften and discovered the ways he wanted to love Julie - with trial and error. And she let him. And he let her. And here they were.

This was their place and their bed and in a few hours, it would still be theirs when he’d come home to her and see the ring on her finger and realise that they really have gone through a decade together. A decade with Julie. It felt like a minute.

Julie sighed and burrowed deeper into his shirt, a clear sign his hand on her skin and the slow brightening of light was spurring her awake. He didn’t want this moment to end. Luke closed his eyes too and held her tighter, closer. Julie’s smile stretched across his neck and locked their legs. He chuckled. They were just hugging now.

"Is this your way to keep me from going to the studio?" he murmured.

She kissed his neck. Yes, then.

"What if I have to pee?"

Another kiss on his neck.

"What if you have to pee?"

She kissed his Adam’s apple. (Okay, yeah, it was kind of hot how she could blindly find those spots. He had the best wife - what about it?)

"What if…" He pulled her on top of him with a puff, her bleary eyes now peering at him. A lazy smile teased her lips. "I wanna see your face?"

"Permission granted," she whispered, voice raspy, and reached to kiss him.

He let her, the warmth and love she gave, washing over him. It was slow like the morning and tickled like the bass and struck deep like the drums. He only heard music when Julie caressed his jaw.

Twisting them around, he was about to kiss her again when she shielded her face with her hands.

"Permission over," she laughed. "Try again next time!"

Luke rolled his eyes, heart lurching from her laugh, and dove to kiss her hands as sloppily as possible. She shrieked, calling him gross, and dropped from hiding. Something akin there you are rumbled from his chest. Peppering her skin with slow kisses as her giggles faltered made him feel drunk. The lightness in his head and the lull in his voice and the sigh of her body. He found her gazing at him when he reached her cheeks, silent.

"What?" he whispered.

Her stare flitted between both his eyes, as if she couldn’t choose which one was her most dear. He loved the way she looked at him. It always felt purposeful.

A hand drifted to his cheek, caressing the stubble he’d shave. "I’m really happy right now," she whispered back, smile trembling to stay put.

Luke kept it against him, tender, and kissed her palm. Falling down beside her again, he said: "Too happy to pee?"

"Luke."

"I have to make a joke cause your smile is gonna make me cry," he breathed, rubbing his mouth against her shoulder as to not let it happen.

Julie rolled on her side to face him and that smile was still there and God - who allowed her to have the sun in her soul?

They looked at each other for a beat. She’s changed quite a bit since he met her, but also not at all. Her features have shifted into those of a young woman, and every day, he was left stumbling over how gorgeous she was. If only Young Luke knew that going insane over her "pretty brown eyes" was just the beginning; that he wasn’t ready for how much more she'd become.

The way she loved him hasn’t changed though. It just became more full each year, more them in every touch and talk and smile. That smile, now breaking the lines in her skin from his confession, would always be his favourite image in the world. Maybe even his favourite song, with the way a hum left her as she edged closer.

"Now I definitely don’t want you to leave," she teased and nudged his foot with hers. Crawling back in his embrace and making Luke realise that home was quite literally her breath on his skin, she whispered, "What if we just stay here?"

Luke knew she meant the bed. This embrace, even. He knew that. But for him, it meant everything. It meant this moment, this morning, the way she smiled and giggled and stared and frowned and kissed and the way he kissed her and how she allowed him to wake up first so he could look at her even if she was already kind of awake.

What if they just stayed in the culmination of everything? (He’d never leave. The band would split. He’d feel marginally bad about it. Woops. Julie could literally ask anything and he’d likely say yes.)

Her hand slipped beneath his t-shirt, her head felt heavier, the shifting of her legs stilled. He stifled a laugh. Julie has fallen asleep again.

"Okay," he mumbled, the lull of the quiet morning sinking in. Luke blamed the motion of her fingers. "Ten… more… min-…"

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@blush-and-books @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @ourstarscollided​ @constantly-singing​ @pink-flame​ @unsaidjulie​

[kellyvela]

Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

[queenofspades6]

More than partners - The Mandalorian x reader

Chapter 10 of More than Partners

Daraasum

Summary: You and Din finally admitted your feelings for each other, and you show the Mandalorian how much you love him.

Warnings: Smut. Explicit. Nsfw.

AN: This is the last chapter of More than partners. I loved writing this story and I was anxious to write that last chapter! This story will be continued after the season 2 of the Mandalorian comes out, tell me if you want to be tagged when it comes out! I’d love to know if you liked this last chapter! Feedback is always welcome! Thank you to everyone! And thank you to my Mandalorian expert-who’ll recognize himself- for the last word Daraasum that means forever. (If you have some time, go check my brand new poetry account where I really want to put thoughts and quotes I wrote that give me meaning : lf-quotes it would be wonderful if you check it! Thank you!

———

<Chapter 9 - Chapter 11>

———

On the way back to Sorgan’s village, you were walking beside the Mandalorian, your cheeks flushed and a huge smile on your lips.

Din Djarin had feelings for you. It was real. You weren’t only the Child’s babysitter or just a play he could use sometimes, it was something more...

You needed to admit you were frightened to give in to your feelings and love the Mandalorian but, you knew without him, your life would have no meaning. He gave you purpose, and you offered him, love.

“Y/N, are you alright?”Mando questioned seeing you frowning. “Yes! Sorry, I was lost in thoughts.”

The Mandalorian’s gaze was still on you, and you felt your cheeks getting red. You turned your head trying to hide your embarrassment. Feeling a soft fabric against your right hand, you looked up. Mando was caressing your hand with his gloved fingers, his eyes still on you. His touch was rough, but at the same time soft. He was trying to do his best despite his sudden shyness. Mando refused to have a partner in his life. Until you, and he was terrified to lose something he never thought he would be worthy of. For so long, he thought it was forbidden, so he locked his heart and hid behind his heavy helmet, praying nobody would see through his facade. But you saw him long ago. You were the only one looking at him with stars in your eyes.

Mando’s hand suddenly found yours and squeezed it. He knew how scared you must have been. Love was new for both of you, and unfortunately, it didn’t come with a manual.

“Come on, we need to reach the barn before night.”The Mandalorian whispered, holding your hand with a firm grip.

It was pleasant to walk with such proximity with Din, feeling sometimes him breathing even though he had his helmet on, or sensing him shivering with the cold of the night. Everybody would have believed it was only small things, but for you, it was more. The Mandalorian showed you another side of him. He showed you the real Din Djarin, the one who cared, and chose to keep and protect the Child no matter the cost.

Most people would have been bothered by the silence between the two of you, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. No words were needed for now. Only hands holding, and the fear of loving.

When you reached the barn which was your supposed bedroom with Mando and the Child, you noticed Omega waiting at the entrance. Immediately, without thinking, you and the Mandalorian let go of each other’s hand. As if it was a crime to hold hands with someone you love. Though, Omega stared at you wide-eyed, looking between you and the bounty hunter in wonder.

“You were waiting for us?”Mando questioned, breaking the awkward silence.

With a bleached face, Omega looked up and tried to articulate something.

“Humm... I-I Your dinners are served, I put it on the table.”She murmured, not daring to glance at the Mandalorian.

“And the-”

“The Child is playing with my daughter. Don’t worry, someone is looking after them.”

Mando nodded before thanking her.

“I am heading inside, Mando. I am very tired.”You muttered, caressing his clothed shoulder in front of the astonished gaze of Omega.

The bounty hunter acquiesced and you swore you heard him hold back his breath. With a satisfied smile, you wished Omega a wonderful night before entering the barn.

You should have been jealous of Omega, but for the first time, you were not. You were a Jedi with a force-sensitive Child, and Mando had feelings for you. You couldn’t hope for more.

Exhaling, you sat down on the edge of your bed in the barn. Two plates were waiting for you and the Mandalorian on the small table. You smiled to yourself when you noticed how your plate looked so different from Mando’s. Omega had done her best with Mando’s while yours was just not aesthetic at all. At this thought, you laughed, it was so childish of her.

“Why are you laughing?”Mando asked, his head tilted in wonder.

“It’s nothing.”

The bounty hunter imitated you, sitting on the edge of the bed, the helmet’s visor on you. You stared at each other for some minutes, as if you were both waiting for something.

“Din.”You broke the silence.

“Y/N.”

You grinned.

“You weren't lying about what you told me in the woods before, were you?”

You heard the Mandalorian giggled.

“Did I seem like lying about such a thing?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”You whispered, placing one of your locks of hair behind your ear.

To your surprise, Mando stood up, pulled the curtains, and closed the light.

“Mando?”You questioned, an ounce of worry betraying your voice.

“I am here, Y/N.”

You felt his ungloved hand on yours, while his other hand was tracing the skin of your arm.

“Din?”

“Tell me if you want to stop.”He muttered with his modulated voice.

“I don’t want you to stop.” You replied, focusing on his slow touch, and your body trembling before his fingers.

Din’s fingers traveled down your arm, circling the skin with an atrocious softness, and when you felt his fingers on your hand, you closed your eyes, mesmerized by his hypnotic touch.

And then, you heard something unexpected. The sound of a helmet removed.

“Din. You can’t.”You whispered, suddenly placing your hands in front of your eyes.

“I can, and I will.”He answered, with ​his​ voice, not his mechanical one.

“But... but what about your Creed? What about the Mandalorian? You can’t show me your face.”

“I’ll always remain a Mandalorian. It is who I am. But I am also more than just a Mandalorian. I am still a man. You are the one who made me remember what it is to be human.”He murmured, his voice trembling as if these words had been hanging in his mouth for months. ”And the light is closed, you won’t be able to see my entire face.”

“But Din. I can still see your forehead, your hair, I can still perceive your eyes and your lips.”

“Good. I don’t want you to forget my face.”

You smiled, and felt his fingers on your lips, tracing it slowly, while you could catch a glimpse of his eyes. Feeling a rush of confidence, you ran a hand through his brown hair, bringing his face closer to yours. You could decipher the form of his eyes even if the light was closed and the night was falling. You felt Din’s face getting closer to yours. Fear and adrenaline rushed through your body, but you leaned on nonetheless. When you sensed his breathing on your nose, you smiled. Omera could never have that. And then, the bounty hunter’s lips were on yours, his hands found your hips, and he started to kiss you deeper, enjoying the taste of your lips.

Your tongues were entangled with each other, each one fighting for dominance over the one. You felt the Mandalorian smiling while kissing you, and it made you happy. It wasn’t a dream and Mando wasn’t faking it.

His hands traveled down your shirt, and then on your bra, unclipping it, and still caressing the skin. You tried to undress him, but with the beskar of his armor, it wasn’t an easy task. The Mandalorian laughed as you struggled to understand how to remove it. He waited a bit, and when he noticed you losing your patience, he dropped his beskar on the floor, and removed his shirt, revealing his warm skin.

“That’s way better.”You breathed.

Taking advantage of the fact he wasn’t expecting you to surprise him, you pinned him on your bed and climbed on him, and straddled him roughly. He laughed, and you began to kiss his neck, licking and sucking the skin at times before leaving a trail of kisses on his torso and his lower stomach. The Mandalorian let out a breathless moan that made you smile. Unexpectedly, Din pinned you on the bed and straddled you this time.

“Din! That’s not funny!”

To hush you, he kissed your lips, and lifted your shirt over your head, removing your bra at the same time. Your chest was bare and your hair stood on end with the cold of the night. You felt a warm finger circling one of your tits while another hand was stroking your other breast softly.

“Is this alright?”Din muttered. “Yes.”

The Mandalorian didn’t wait any further to suck on your breasts, being as gentle as he could to make you feel pleasured and cared for. You let out a moan, and the bounty hunter slowly began to kiss your stomach, and then your lower stomach, before reaching your trousers.

Once they were removed, Din fondled your panties with a hand, still straddling you. The feeling made you roll your hips, and you swore you could feel him becoming harder. You could feel the hard bulge between your legs, making you wetter. The Mandalorian noticed the effect his bulge had on you, and began to brush himself against your panties while caressing your hips. It felt so pleasant, you couldn’t help but moan, letting him know how much you wanted him.

“Din. I want you, please.”You commanded in an authoritative tone that made him smirk in anticipation.

“I didn’t know the Jedi were known to be so impatient.”He said, trying to remove his trousers and boxers as fast as possible.

When he was naked, he sat on the bed and caressed your thigh. “You are so beautiful, Y/N. I can’t bear you with another man.”

You felt your heart beating faster, and you kissed Din. He slowly removed your panties and made his way down your stomach, his breath teasing your inner thighs.

“Din, please.”You asked.

He began to fondle your pussy, driving you crazy with the wait before taking a few licks, making you moan louder than expected. The Mandalorian wanted you to feel good, he wanted to show you how much he cared about you. He licked your wetness, and then sucked on your clit, making you whimper at the pleasurable feeling. Rolling your hips, you tried to push his head deeper in you with your hands through his hair.

The Mandalorian looked up and kissed your lips, making you taste yourself on his lips. You fondled your cock with your hand, trying to make him understand you want to make him feel pleasured too, but he wouldn’t let you.

“It’s not about my pleasure tonight, Y/N, it’s about us. Us only.”

You nodded obediently, while he was positioning himself on top of you. You sensed his tip at your entrance. You desperately wanted to roll your hips to feel him against you, and yet, you didn’t yield into temptation.

“Din... Are you sure about this?”You questioned, hoping he wouldn’t regret what he was about to do.

“I have never been so sure of anything in my life, cyar'ika.”

You smiled, and slowly felt him pushing in. Din forced a bit while kissing you, and then, you sensed him pushing into you further. You whined at the sudden sensation, while he began to thrust into you slowly at first, and then faster. He moaned between your lips, and went deeper, hitting a certain spot inside you, making you cry out of pleasure.

“That’s it, Y/N. That’s it.” He said with labored breathing while the sound of skin slapping filled the barn.

Slowly, his thrusts began to be more erratic while you were almost reaching your orgasm.

“Din.”You whimpered.

”Come for me, cyar’ika.”

And you did. You moaned while the Mandalorian was still thrusting inside of you, and then with a guttural grunt, he came too, inside you. Going down, Din laid down next to you, his eyes staring at you.

“What?”You questioned, feeling his lingering gaze on your face.

“You are beautiful, Y/N.”

You giggled, and he stroked your hair, while you studied his face.

You stared at the man you loved deeply, the one for whom you would have sacrificed yourself multiple times, the one for whom you would have given all.

“I love you, Din.”You whispered, anxiety in your voice.

The bounty hunter smiled and caressed your face with his fingers.

“I love you too, cyar’ika. More than I wanted to admit.”

You smirked and asked, still worried about the future. Your future together.

“What now, Din?”

“Now, we focus on the present. We’ll find a safe place for the Child and us to be together.”

“Together? I am more than the Child’s babysitter now, and we are more than partners, right?”You tried to reassure yourself.

“Of course, cyar’ika. We’re more than partners. Partners don’t make love in a barn in the middle of nowhere with a Child.”

You laughed together, and intertwined your fingers with his.

“We should really go look for the Child. He needs to eat.”Din stated, worried about his little youngling.

You nodded and kissed him again on the lips.

“Din?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“What does “cyar’ika” means?”You asked, frowning.

You saw him paused and hesitated.

“It means my beloved, my darling.”

“Really?”You questioned, a small smile appearing on your lips.

The Mandalorian acquiesced, and you got closer to him to kiss him deeply.

“I’ll be your cyar’ika as long as you want, Din.”

“Darasuum.” Forever

*****

⬇️ Chapter 11 ⬇️

@lol-who-am-i @kiaralein @kryttlebee @jedi-dreea @katialvi @hoodedbirdie @heaven77 @eyeliveinabook @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @mitamixer @fleurdemiel145 @pinkninja190 @esoltis280

[sachirou-senpai]

Never let me go - Tanaka Ryuunosuke x Reader

Warnings: FLUFF!!! it's so cute omg. friends to lovers (my favorite troupe!!!) kinda n*fw cause like dry humping but it's really not that intense. i love Tanaka with all of my soul and I'm really proud of this so please hype it up for me. 💞💞

A/n: I'm so soft for Tanaka. Oh my god.

You and Tanaka Ryuunosuke were glued at the hip. It was to be expected, considering you'd both been friends since you were born. Your closeness was envied by lots of people- especially Saeko who claimed he loved you more than her. No matter what, you two were inseparable.

Every Friday night, Tanaka would come over to your house- or vice versa- to watch some sort of absolutely terrible movie. Low-budget action, disgusting romance, and sometimes even crazy conspiracy movies. It was a tradition the two of you had gotten used to, and it was always a perfect way to end your week. No amount of schoolwork, bullying or long practice hours could be worried about when the two of you were together, watching junk movies and eating equally junky food. You always made sure to keep your Friday nights going- unless one of you was out of town or he was at training camp. Not that either of those things would really stop you, because FaceTime was a thing and you two used it far more than you'd both like to admit. You were practically addicted to each other. Always talking, always texting, and more than often, always touching.

Recently though, the touches had gotten more intense. Holding hands while you walked home, long hugs every morning and night, and surprisingly intimate cuddles every Friday. The movies had changed, too. Instead of watching the action ones, like Tanaka usually preferred, you had started watching more and more romance ones. All terrible, mind you. But you felt like it was doing something to you. Of course, you'd always been slightly attracted to your tall and muscular friend, I mean who wouldn't be? Something about watching all the romance movies was really doing something to you, though. You tried to convince yourself that it was just the movies, that you weren't falling for your best friend. You were not going to be one of those girls, who falls for their best friend and has to watch them grow up and fall in love with another woman. That thought was the only thing that kept you sane, and you're pretty sure if you weren't so afraid of losing Tanaka, you would've just confessed to him already. Wait confessed? You don't even like him. You jump in shock, startling yourself out of your thoughts.

"Woah, you okay there?" Tanaka's voice makes you jump again, causing you to suddenly remember where you were- in your crushes lap! You flush a deep red and thank God for the dim lights. "I- uh, yes, I'm fine," you sputter out. "You sure about that? You're looking a little flustered," he says in a teasing voice. "I mean, c'mon it's not even that realistic. Cocking your head at him, you turn your head back to the TV. You regret doing so, your entire body going rigid. You're pretty sure you forgot how to breathe, because there, on the TV, was one of the steamiest sex scenes you've ever seen in your life. "Oh! Oh, my god, I didn't even see that!" You immediately turn back around and bury your head in Tanaka's shoulder, blushing furiously. His laugh rings out, partially tuning out the rather lewd moans. "You sure, princess?" You heat up even further, because there's that nickname again.

It happened sometime around the beginning of high school, after he saw you in a princess dress. To be fair, it was a Friday night, and you should have expected him to come over, but you were so engrossed in playing princess with your little cousin, you completely forgot. So the nickname stuck. And god, it did things to you. Your face never failed to flush when you heard it, and you cursed yourself for letting it get to you so easily. His arms running up and down yours sides bring you out of your thoughts, and voice calms you down even further. "Hey, let's turn it off, okay? We can watch something else, no problem." Reaching for the remote, he turns the movie off, beginning to browse for something else. You're straddling him now, and you begin to feel the exhaustion set into your body. Being so close to him made you feel so safe, and so, so sleepy. "Can we just sleep? I don't wanna watch anything else," you say, slowly beginning to slur your words. He smiles at you, god, he's so in love with you. "Whatever you want, princess."

There was no doubt, he knew what that nickname did to you, which is why he always used it. There was nothing sweeter in the world to him than your blush. No candy, not even pure sugar. Yes, Tanaka was in love with his best friend, that much was clear. It wasn't until Nishinoya caught on and forced him to act on his feelings that he actually fully came to terms with it. The team assured him that you were just as much in love with him as he was you- even Tsukishima gave a surprisingly convincing nod. That alone would have been enough to convince him. So he did. Romantic movies, nearly excessive skinship, meaningful glances and of course the use of his favorite nickname. He wasn't sure it was working, but then again, here he was, with you in his arms. Looking down at you, he stills when he realizes you're sleeping, careful not to disturb you. He figures now is a better time than any to tell you how he feels, so kissing your head, he takes a deep breath.

"I love you. I love you so, so much. I've loved you for so long it just feels like second nature at this point. I can't imagine a life without loving you." Pausing, he chuckles. "And I don't mean platonic love. No, I Tanaka Ryuunosuke have fallen head over heels in love with my best friend. It's nearly embarrassing- not that you're embarrassing, not at all. I just didn't expect to be one of those people to fit into such a stereotypical troupe, y'know? That's the embarassing part. Oh, and before you even think about it, yes, I'm going to be one of those self-sacrificial guys, the ones that are like 'I just want to see you happy.' If you don't return my feelings, of course. If you do feel the same though, I'll promise you this- I'm never letting you go." Tears are streaming down his face now, but he doesn't care. Nor does he make any move to wipe them off- no- he's not letting you go, not while he still has you.

Caught up in his confession, he doesn't feel you freeze. You were never asleep to begin with, just too shocked to move. Your heart is beating a million miles an hour, the love of your life just poured his heart out, never expecting you to hear any of what he said. You take a couple deep breaths to calm your racing heart. You know exactly what to do. Leaning up and grabbing his face, you say with as much conviction in your voice as possible: "Tanaka Ryuunosuke, don't you dare let me go."

And with that, you bring your lips to his. You've never felt anything more passionate in your life, you're absolutely certain you're going to faint. It's a perfect harmony, lips on lips. It's everything you've ever wanted, and little do you know he feels the exact same. He pulls you closer in an attempt to close the already practically non-existent gap between you, successfully grinding your hips together. The whine you let out is nothing short of sinful and he knows he has to hear more. With one hand on your face and the other on you hip, he helps you grind against him. When you break the kiss only to bring your lips down his jaw, he absolutely short-circuits. He lets out a breathy moan which only spurs you on further, kissing farther down his neck and lightly sucking a mark into his skin. Both lf his hands are on your waist now, grinding you down with much more fevor and desperation. It's practically heavenly. Sure, you've been aroused before, but it's never been like this, you feel like you're on fire.

You know you could continue like this forever, or at least until one of you came in your pants, but you stop him. It's only because you've realized it's probably not appropriate to be dry humping your childhood friend and longtime crush in his living room, especially not when his parents and sister were home. But of course, it's far too late for that, because Saeko has already walked in on the two of you locking lips.

"FUCK YEAH!" She screams. "I fucking called it! Mom! Dad! They finally fucking got together! It's only been like 8 years since you've been in love with her, right? It's about fucking time! Wait, you're together right? Ryuunosuke, I swear if you don't make her your girlfriend I will make your life a living hell." The two of you practically jump apart, shocked and thoroughly embarrassed. All you can do is stare at him in awe. "Eight years? You've been in love with me for eight years?" Your voice is barely a whisper, but you know he can hear it. He looks right into your eyes, and you're overwhelmed by the sheer amount of love in his gaze.

"Yes. Best eight years of my life."

Please reblog if you enjoyed.

[cappymightwrite]

Thank you for your reply! Loved your opinion. I think fandom generally underestimated Sansa importance in narrative or in larger game. For them she didn't fit into bill. Like she won't go to North or retake WF because it seems impossible or she won't end up important in last books. Fans always gave characters secondary in her arc more importance than her. Show is considered fanfiction to prove she isn't important. It's sad because she has more potential than fans think.

No problem and thank you! Glad you liked it :D Yeah, I completely agree and though I’ve read posts discussing why people hate/misinterpret Sansa’s character/arc, why they dismiss her significance/reduce her worth, I do always come back to a thought I had when I first got into GoT/ASOIAF.

Sansa doesn’t quite fit our escapist/fantasy driven ideal and *some* people do not like that. Because she isn’t a “badass” with fighting skills, she isn’t surrounded by overt myticism/prophecies/secret birthrights, doesn’t have dragons, loses her magic wolf, etc. She is typically feminine, a bit naive, but happy with her daydreams about knights and chivalry — it is very telling that we see the tourney of the Hand through her eyes, the person who would be most swept up by it (*cough* like the reader *cough*). 

She also survives through her ordeals, but in a very realistic (and relatable) way I think, especially for a 11-13 year old girl. But notably not in a overtly daring, often reckless, fantasy hero way. Instead, she feigns loyalty to keep herself safe, she puts her trust in adults that she (mistakeningly) hopes will help her get back home, and she tries to romanticise her abuse to cushion her trauma, to avoid the pain of facing it head on. All of that makes complete sense to me. But for some reason people see her as passive, stupid, snotty, the evil (step)sister, lacking empathy(?!), unimportant, unnconnected to the rest of the Starks and Winterfell/the north. She really irks some people and is completely ignored by others who can’t see her for looking, and maybe it is because deep down they know that they themselves would not be the Arya or Jon or Tyrion or Bran or Dany of the story...they would be Sansa. They too would do whatever they could to survive, to keep their head done, to get home, all without the benefit of “badass” swordfighting skills, flying WMD, and what have you. But it’s her supposed “ordinariness” compared with other, grander/fantasical characters, that actually makes her extraordinary, which makes her so strong and compelling. 

For me, it’s not a case of me relating to Sansa’s femininity, her romantic hopefulness, her relative innocence (although I do love those things about her), but more that I relate to her relatability. People give her a hard time for not seeing through Joff, for going to Cersei, for “going along” with LF, but come on! COME ON! When I was around her age I fully misjudged Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl to be a swoonworthy romantic lead, and that Chuck x Blair were “endgame”, only to then realise that no, he’s awful and their relationship was toxic as hell. I definitely put my faith in people that in hindsight I shouldn’t have, because I didn’t fully understand them at the time, or wanted to look past their faults/the ways they were treating me unkindly. I definitely had fights with my older brother, said he had a giant head/was a buttface (like Sansa calls Arya “horseface”), found him very irritating, and he teased me mercilessly etc. But now that we’re older we get on really well, because we had the space apart living elsewhere, doing other things, to really appreciate each other when we come back together again. I think people get so hung up on Arya and Sansa’s “bad” relationship, that maybe they forget that...it’s completely typical. 

Because no one is immune to bad takes/judgements/brattiness when they are younger, or even when they are older(!), but growing up/living life is an exercise in learning and reassessment. So it’s bizarre to me that people don’t extend the same kindness/understanding towards Sansa (a child) that they presumably extended towards themselves growing up, or people they care about. Unless they were perfect people who always had perfect judgements and foresight...somehow I don’t think that’s the case though. 

It’s weird...people better than me have written about how closely connected Sansa is to the North/Winterfell, that I don’t ever question it anymore. Narratively, it just makes sense. She’s a pov Stark, the "blood of Winterfell", and the Starks are the beating heart of the series, GRRM’s favourite house, where it all began. This girl who has suffered so much, been used repeatedly as a pawn, who says I want to go home over and over again, who (re)builds Winterfell out of snow, whose direwolf’s bones are buried there, who is learning to be a lady of a keep...how is she unimportant? I’d argue that all the Stark kids (+ Jon) are on a classic bildungsroman character journey. So how is she not going to matter? How is she not going to have a role to play in the rising up (after the downfall) of the Starks and the north? How? Why? Make it make sense people!