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ronsenburg · 3 years

Note

Since you mentioned you were looking for drabble requests, if you haven't moved on from AA already, could I request something where Apollo or Klavier is struggling against pride/feeling that his problem isn't a big deal/some kind of internal roadblock to seek comfort from the other? Maybe they lost a case they don't think they should have lost, or it's the anniversary of something sad, or they just feel crappy physically or emotionally. Any reason is fine. Thanks for considering my request ^^

vorher:

It’s nearly six pm by the time Franziska finds him, tucked into a chair in the corner of some pretentious and probably ephemeral bar downtown.

It isn’t one of his usual haunts, but the staff seem to know who he is well enough, anyway. Though he is just barely twenty-three and his tab has been approaching the four figure mark for the past hour and a half, no one has bothered to card him or attempt cutting him off yet. Of course, that may have had more to do with the sizable tips slid to whatever staff member is closest in proximity rather than his rather notorious celebrity status, but Klavier’s ego has been rapidly ceasing to care about such things in recent months. What matters to him at this very moment is less the thrill of universal adoration and more the ability to nurse his wounded pride in pseudo-solitude with a vastly overpriced drink.

That solitude is shattered, however, by the arrival of Prosecutor Franziska Von Karma. The sound of her heels clicking firmly against the highly lacquered floors crescendos over whatever smooth jazz cover they’re piping through the hidden speakers as she makes her way directly over to him.

“Are you finished with your tantrum yet?” she asks, removing her dark sunglasses and placing them onto the surface of the bar beside him without any sort of invitation.

It takes a moment for the words to process; Klavier has spent so long playing the role of the ostentatious expat that his alcohol muddled brain can barely grasp the crisp and nearly foreign sounding syllables of her German.

By then, she has already removed her long leather gloves and cape, handing them off to an employee that floats near her elbow like a well trained dog on a leash. When she slides into the chair beside him and signals for the bartender, the scotch she orders for herself is nearly as expensive as Klavier’s own. If he weren’t so chagrined by her sudden interruption, he would likely be impressed.

“Since when is enjoying a drink after work considered a tantrum?” Klavier returns, finally, and also in German. He attempts to fire off one of his charming smiles as he speaks, but the words feel so clumsy and out of practice on his lips that the gesture falls short and sounds far more like the kind of sulk that directly proves the point she has made.

Franziska raises a perfectly arched eyebrow in reaction, though whether it is a response meant specifically for his faltering pronunciations or juvenile tone, Klavier can’t be at all sure. “Since someone recently made a complete fool of himself in a court of law.”

The words strike out like the lash of a whip; Klavier winces despite himself. Franziska is only two years older than him, but when she glances away with an air of disinterested disdain to take a sip from the tumbler placed in front of her, the gap seems far wider.

“You heard?”

“I saw,” she replies, glancing over to him again just long enough to offer a small, disparaging smirk. “It was quite the performance. Do people actually pay you money to see such foolishness on stage?”

The shame he’d been attempting to shove away for the past five hours flares up just below the surface of his thoughts then, hot and bright enough that he suddenly feels sick to his stomach.

“You are just as charming as they say, Fraulein,” Klavier smiles; the sarcasm tastes false and bitter on his tongue.

In truth, he had made a fool of himself.

Klavier has always prided himself on being meticulous in his pursuit of the truth, in perfectly balancing the demands of both his prosecutorial career and his life as a musician. And, most of the time, he’d succeeded so brilliantly that it had blinded him to the subtly advancing and yet still discreet signs that he might have been slipping.

There had been issues with the band’s latest album.

With the ink long since dried on the studio’s contract and their chosen title already heavily marketed, the pressure to produce something of value had been mounting. Every song he’d written since then had seemed increasingly vapid, words that fit a theme but lacked any sort of meaning, chords that sounded deliberately catchy but were devoid of anything new and surprising. They were going through the motions, but those motions were long since stale. There was nothing of the artistic fire that had skyrocketed them to success in their early years and that alone drained any last bit of excitement he might have derived from the process.

It was driving a neat wedge through the center of the band; Daryan called him a diva, so used to having things his own way that he fell to pieces at the idea of ever being told what to do. Take the money, release an album that was shallow but on brand. They could always switch it up next time when time was on their side. You’re the lawyer, he'd mocked, you should know exactly how much of our asses are on the line here.

Their arguments on the subject had become more and more frequent as the days passed, spilling from band practice to crime scenes and, finally, to the kitchen of Klavier’s apartment. This time, it was Daryan who had packed what few belongings he’d scattered throughout Klavier’s various shelves and drawers into an old duffle bag and left, slamming the door shut behind him with finality as he’d gone.

As Klavier’s luck would dictate, Daryan had been the lead detective on this last case. While they were both professional enough not to ignore each other completely during the proceedings, the type of communication necessary for a successful indictment had been… difficult, to say the least.

And so he’d been distracted in his investigation, enough that he’d overlooked a piece of evidence so decisive in the opposition’s favor that when it had been presented, he’d been left gaping in uncharacteristic surprise from his place at the bench.

Yes, he’d been slipping, unable to see the progression of his descent until he had been standing firmly at the bottom of a tall slope.

He was only lucky, he supposed, that this was not a murder trial.

Back at the bar, Klavier rolls his eyes softly, more an aversion of his gaze than a gesture for dramatic display. Franziska doesn’t seem to be paying him enough attention to notice such things, anyway.

“Well, you can consider me scolded. Your work is done.”

“And yet, that’s not why I’m here,” Franziska returns. Ignoring the eyebrow he raises toward her in obvious question, she instead tilts the tumbler back, swallowing the last centimeter of the amber drink. “I would not waste my time and energy searching the city to scold a fool who seems to be doing an admirable job of berating himself. No, despite your recent failures, there are people in this city who seem to care about your well being. It would be a shame if you were to drown in a pool of your own vomit.”

He cannot help his rather obvious flinch at her words, no matter how quickly he endeavors to mask it. “How very touching, ja? I was expecting more anger.”

Franziska pauses in the midst of extracting a matte black card from the small handbag she carries. When her steel grey eyes meet his, Klavier suddenly understands the fear the von Karma name had once inspired in courtrooms across the world.

“Oh, I am angry,” she smiles, wagging her finger in such a way that it is clear she is mocking him. “You allowed a criminal to walk free today. But he is guilty, I am certain of that. And now he will be cocky.”

Klavier is so stunned by her words that he barely registers that she has slid her card across the surface of the wooden bar, let alone has the presence of mind to argue.

“There will be more evidence to find and new charges to file,” she continues, unperturbed by his gaping. “I will assume that next time you will have your priorities in the correct order.”

With that, she stands and turns to the attendant who is still waiting nearby, ready to help her back into the dark, cashmere folds of her cloak. When the complex ritual of donning her long gloves and sunglasses is complete, she turns once again to face him.

“I will be driving you home. You may choose, now, whether you would like to accompany me willingly or if you will require Detective Gumshoe’s escort. You have until I reach the door to decide.”

It feels as though a whirlwind has swept through the room, appearing out of nowhere to disrupt his wallowing completely before disappearing as suddenly as she had come. Klavier is not stupid enough to doubt Franziska’s words, despite the fact that he is twenty-three and more than a bit inebriated. He wavers only slightly as he finds his own feet and follows her out onto the sun soaked sidewalk beyond the bar.

If she is smiling when she looks back towards him, it is the small, private smirk of victory. Klavier finds that he is too preoccupied with the act of placing one foot in front of the other along the uneven slabs of concrete to care. He stumbles gracelessly into the backseat of the car Franziska indicates, through a door held open by a man that Klavier can only assume is the Detective she had mentioned inside.

“Huh,” he comments before closing the door. “Somehow I thought you’d be taller, pal.”

A sharp stab of pain somewhere behind his left temple resonates brightly in response.

This is something he will certainly regret tomorrow.

nachher:

“Okay, spill,” Apollo demands, crossing his arms in a visible display of stubborn obstination that, at any other time, Klavier might find endlessly adorable.

Tonight, however, he has reached a new level of exhaustion, one that leaves him blinking back at Apollo in baffled surprise as he attempts to pivot his thoughts from their previous trajectory in order to make sense of the other’s sudden words. “Spill was?”

As his words indicate, the intended course adjustment doesn’t go very well at all.

“Whatever’s going on with you,” Apollo replies, huffing out a sigh of what sounds nearly like frustration. “You’ve been working late, you don’t eat, you haven’t been sleeping. Something’s up; I think you should tell me what it is.”

Though Apollo’s words and posture are combative, it is all for show. There is an uncertainty in his eyes and concern exposed in the way he bites at the inside of his lip in silence, waiting for Klavier to speak. The fact that Klavier has learned to recognize this expression through repeatedly causing it is a painful enough thing to shoulder; to admit to the reason behind his behavior when it will only bring them both all the more strife, however, would be far worse. Not because he doubts the limits of Apollo’s strength; it is his own resilience that is threatened by the thought of divulging the extent of his insecurities.

Klavier runs a hand through the strands of hair that have escaped the hasty braid he had tied earlier that evening and attempts an apologetic smile. “Ach, Liebling, there is nothing to tell. It is just work.”

“You’re lying.”

It is stated as a fact, nothing more. But while there is nothing accusatory in Apollo’s tone and his face is perfectly even as he says it, Klavier still feels the words as though they are the sting of an attack.

“Ja?” he responds. “And you promised there would be no bracelet inside the house, did you not?”

What he intends is for the words to sound facetious, a nod to the same kind of fond banter they had indulged in long before the intimacy of a romantic relationship. But Klavier is lying; it is not an offense often committed between them and certainly not one he has reveled in or perpetuated out of malice, now. Still, to be seen through so shifted his smile without meaning to. Klavier can feel it teetering on the edge of a sneer that feels both unfamiliar and familiar all at once.

What follows, then, is a long pause.

A lifted arm, a proffered bare wrist, is Apollo’s only response.

That gesture feels more devastating than the aftermath of an actual, physical fight. Klavier can feel the air exit his lungs in a sharp hiss of remorse, his posture on the plush sofa of their study crumbling as he leans forward to place his head into his waiting hands.

“That was uncalled for,” Klavier begins, though his voice is muffled by the skin of his palms pressed firmly against his speaking mouth. “I am sorry, Schatz, I—“

But his words are interrupted by the sudden creak of sofa springs, the cushions on either side of Klavier dipping under the newly applied weight of Apollo’s knees. There is the feeling of Apollo’s warm fingers wrapping around the skin of his wrists, gently pulling his hands away from his face.

“I know you, Klavier,” Apollo says softly; his voice is so uncharacteristically gentle that the words sound less like a statement and more the sweetest declaration of love. Maybe they are. After all, Klavier has been loved before. But being actually, truly known? He glances up into Apollo’s brown eyes, warm with determination and affection. “I don’t need the bracelet to see when you’re upset. If you don’t want to talk about it right now, I understand, but you don’t have to go around pretending everything is okay when it isn’t.”

“Bold words for someone who insists upon always being fine, ja?” Klavier murmurs, another half hearted attempt at humor that falls flat in what little space exists between them.

Apollo still lifts the edge of his lips in a small, humored smile of concession. “In court, maybe. But not with you. We all need to be vulnerable, sometimes.”

The breath that Klavier exhales wavers under the strain of unspoken emotions, his eyes fluttering closed just as Apollo leans forward to place a featherlight kiss against the center of his forehead, against his cheekbone, against the corner of his downturned mouth.

“You can trust me, Klavier,” he concludes. “I’ll always be here, whenever you’re ready, okay?”

Klavier finds he does not have the words to respond, then, even as the sound of fabric rustling against fabric fills the air and the hands holding Klavier’s wrists retreat. Their absence is felt immediately in the lack of warmth as Apollo slides back off the couch and onto his feet.

“Apollo?”

Apollo’s footsteps stall halfway through the door.

Klavier still finds he needs to clear his throat before he can continue to speak, swallowing back the sentiments that have collected there that he is otherwise unable to express. “Could you stay? Bitte. Just for a moment.”

This is a weakness Klavier should not afford himself. It is selfish to ask Apollo to comfort him when Klavier cannot even bring himself to explain precisely why he requires it. But Apollo’s eyes are soft when they find Klavier’s gaze once again, inexplicably fully of acceptance and, beyond that, what Klavier knows is love.

“Yeah,” he nods, “of course.”

Apollo stays far longer than a moment, his fingers combing through the strands of Klavier’s loose hair under the fading light that filters in though the slightly open window. They don’t speak, but the steady rhythm of Apollo’s breath in the otherwise silent room, the gentle pressure of his fingers, is enough to distract him from the tumultuous cascade of his own thoughts.

#this continues the trend of people asking me for one thing and me willfully misunderstanding the nature of the prompt!#and writing something entirely different!#just trying to subvert everyone's expectations jadshfskjdfhks #okay but literally that first anon is from like two years ago #SORRY DUDE #valentines day kiss prompts #ronsenburg tries to write #klapollo

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another-dr-another · 3 years

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wow fuck! feels bad man

Hatano - ...Is... she gone? Is it over?

Maki - ...

Maki - Mhm. It's over, she's not moving... she's dead.

Iranami – And I thought the things I saw while performing were bad… but someone just died…

Uehara - ...

Uehara - Perché sono convinto che né la morte né la vita, né gli angeli né i demoni,

Uehara - Né il presente né il futuro, né alcun potere, né altezza né profondità,

Uehara - Né qualsiasi altra cosa in tutta la creazione, potranno separarci dall'amore di Dio che è in Cristo Gesù nostro Signore

Uehara - ...Sorry, Italian feels better than Japanese for that sort of thing.

Mekaru - Don't apologize... that felt comforting to me... and I'm sure Inori appreciates it too...

Uehara - Thank you...

Higa – Inoris dead, don’t pull some “Oh she’d like that” bullshit, it’s just dumb.

Maki – Does it fucking help you to say that? Other people are doing what they need to do to cope with witnessing someone they knew die, and you’re gonna be edgy while standing in the same room as someone who’s designed weapons that she and thousands of others used to kill?

Maeda - …Maki, would you happen to have any medical knowledge?

Maki – Kinda? No Inori, but I may be one of the best we have now… why?

Maeda – Probably going to need someone to check on Tsurugi legitimately. Though I will doubt there’s any serious damage…

Maki - I forgot Inori had attacked him, but yeah, should probably look at that, not too sure what I can do though.

Tsurugi - …

Kobashikawa - I can help you out too, Maki, just for a second opinion.

Maki – Mkay… if anyone kills again, we should be able to make up for the lost asset with Inori being gone…

Otori – H-how can you just plan for a murder to happen again!

Hatano – And Inori wasn’t just an asset…

Maki – You all can be weak. I know how to make my way through life without crying after others fuck up.

Tomori – Mourning and respect for those who are gone isn’t weak, Maki.

Tomori – You don’t have to be upset, that’s alright, but let’s just all let everyone process what happened in a way that’s best for them.

Iranami - …Uh… can I ask for something to be explained to me, please?

Tomori – Of course, what is it?

Iranami - ...How were we able to see the things she was seeing, if they were drug induced? At the least, it looked like that’s what had happened…

Tomori – I… actually don’t know. …Monokuma?

Monokuma – We Here At Hopes Peak Academy Are Sure To Provide Our Students With The Most Recent Technology The World Has To Offer.

Tsurugi - ...

Tsurugi - She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve death at all, but especially not like that.

Tsurugi - The mastermind made her feel unloved, and when she finally learned that wasn't true, they did everything they could to undo what we said, how we made her feel.

Tomori - Tsu... here, I should have a handkerchief on me...

Tsurugi - It's alright... that's not what I need, I wouldn't have been scouted as a police officer if I couldn’t talk to murderers while crying.

Tsurugi - And besides, not like Monokuma’s afraid of seeing tears, this is the third time someone’s started to cry since we got down here and he hasn’t done anything!

Tsurugi – We’re meant to believe you’re an AI, but you’re capable of interacting with us- for a predictive program to do that, you’d be powerful enough to, at the very least, give her something less painful, that wouldn’t be emotionally traumatizing?

Taira – What were you expecting, Tsurugi? Did you not believe she’d die?

Tsurugi – I didn’t think she’d be drugged and tortured physically and psychologically!

Tsurugi – Yeah, she made her decision and all, but it was one she was manipulated into with lies, and she got a death penalty more brutal than what would happen to those with the harshest sentences!

Tsurugi – Kurokawa… wouldn’t have wanted that… none of us did, no one wanted her to die, she was repeatedly harassed and given reasons to kill, we could say this was assumed self-defense and entrapment!

Tsurugi – You made a killer out of a victim and punished her to a new maximum severity, then made us all watch, saying it was her punishment for what you made her think she had to do!

Yamaguchi - …

Yamaguchi – Everything he said holds up. Entrapment charges, her believing it was self-defense…

Yamaguchi – Monokuma is looking at kidnapping, blackmail, conspiracy to commit murder, accessory to murder, hence getting a charge equal to Inoris- who, by the way, wouldn’t have gotten death, even if she were an adult, except, I’ll assume you’re actually over the age of 20.

Monokuma – I Am Not A Japanese Citizen, Due To Being An AI.

Yamaguchi – But I’ll assume the mastermind who programmed you, and hence is responsible for your actions, is at the least human.

Mekaru – That’s quite a tone change, are you alright Yamaguchi?

Yamaguchi – Mhm, just didn’t really view this as a legitimate trial… seeing Inori die, and hearing Tsurugi just kinda made it all click for me.

Yamaguchi – I am an actual, honest to god lawyer, and I’m a SHSL for a reason. If people are getting hurt, it’d feel wrong for me to not treat this like the case it is.

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi – Murder is a terrible thing, but it wasn’t Inoris fault, and she deserved better. We may have won the trial, but I don’t think any of us are happy with the outcome.

Tomori – Ah, that’s right though- I don’t think any of us want to remain here, now that things are finished.

Uehara - Monokuma, can we go now? I’m just done with this all-

Uehara - Oh, fuck the goddamn masterminds though. They can rot in hell for what they’ve done, and for not calling it quits now. That’s the last thing I wanna say on this stupid, God-damned game.

Monokuma - …

Monokuma – Processing Request…

Monokuma - The Blackened Has Been Determined And Punished.

Monokuma - There Is No Additional Matter Of Discussion. All Rise.

Monokuma - Class Trial: Dismissed!

~*~

Maeda, narrating - …It’s over.

Maeda – Our first-class trial, come to a close, as we close the book on the life’s of Kurokawa Mikako and Inori Kanata.

Maeda – By each crime and every kindness, so we birth our future.

{Get on the Elevator}

[Speak with a Student]

~*~

TRIAL GRADE: B

Section 01: + 0 Monocoins Section 02: + 5 Monocoins Section 03: + 5 Monocoins Section 04: + 5 Monocoins Section 05: + 5 Monocoins Section 06: + 1 Monocoins Section 07: + 3 Monocoins Section 08: + 3 Monocoins Section 09: + 5 Monocoins Section 10: + 0 Monocoins Section 11: + 3 Monocoins Section 12: + 5 Monocoins Section 13: + 3 Monocoins Section 14: + 4 Monocoins Section 15: +7 Monocoins Section 16: +8 Monocoins

Total Monocoins: +62

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kpoporacle · 3 years

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youtube

I had to take a bit so that I could comment more objectively. I honestly was thinking of deleting it, but I was talking to @prettydeadlykpop and I realized that I needed to continue.

In general, this video does well to highlight how sexual harassment and assault, even rape of men is portrayed in kdramas. Honestly, it made me question how other countries, and at least here in the US, it's much the same.

And I realize, no one wants to read this, no one asked for it, and only a few of you care. I am estimating that only three will even interact with this..... but I need to write this, if only for me.

If men are victims, why wouldn't they say something?

I don't really like the term "systemic and institutionalized", because I feel like it removes the individual responsibility in most circumstances. However, in this case, there is a sort of societal expectation that men cannot be victimized, or at the very least, that a woman cannot hurt them as bad as they would a woman.

This overall mindset is surprisingly prevalent, shared by both men and women. Men who decide to come forward face a lot of ridicule, and don't get even a fraction of the support that their female counterparts get.

Very few men are able to to actually get it through the courts. And if they can even get someone to listen to them, it can be very difficult to get the evidence necessary. For example, in rapes, the DNA from semen is is generally the best evidence, but that isn't possible for a female perpetrator.

"You cannot rape or sexually assault someone if he is hungry for it."

I really had a hard time with this one. This is one of the most victim blaming statements I have heard in a while.

It's a common assumption that if a man is aroused or "enjoys" it, or he gives in after a while, then it isn't rape. But rape isn't decided by that, it is decided by the fact that the victim didn't consent.

Even a girl who has sexual desires towards a guy can still be raped. Sex drive isn't an excuse for "they asked for it", even for guys.

And it sounds strange, but guys have a limit of how far they can be pushed before they give in. It's triggering, but sometimes when they are assaulted, guys cacan be turned on and/or the perpetrator does things that they find pleasurable. A guy can feel like their body betrayed them, and usually feel a great deal of shame.

A guy can also feel like it's their fault if they didn't fight back hard enough. Even if they said no, they wonder if because they didn't do enough, if they actually wanted it. They may decide to say that they wanted it all a long.... maybe out of bravado, or maybe it is just coping....

Toxic masculinity

I hate that people cling to the idea of toxic masculinity. And I feel like it almost completely destroys the main thesis of the video.

The video establishes that people who do this are predatory in nature, having less to do with sex and everything with to do with exerting your power over someone else. And masculinity is effectively the concept of what makes a man, a very abstract collection of traits, attributes, and expectations that society expects of men.

The idea of toxic masculinity, especially as presented in this video, would say that it is a male trait to be predatory. By extension, it implies that it doesn't matter if someone takes advantage of men since they are predatory anyway....

It's a cyclical logic that only serves to excuse the female perpetrators actions, and blame men as a whole group for not only what some men do, but also what women do to them. It absolves individual responsibility, instead of accurately blaming the perpetrators.

Contradictions

I also watched their video on male perpetrators, and it actually kind of contradicts this one. I don't really want to go on too long about it, but it largely blames toxic masculinity for everything.

One part that highlights their bias is a drama where both the male and female lead makes demands of the other. The account mentioned him telling her to not wear short dresses, but completely ignored how she told him to give up boxing, which was actually a major plot point (and mildly emotionally manipulative).

Conclusions

My final take away is though the video does a good job at highlighting societies views on sexual harassment and assault towards men, but then blames men for it.

I once saw a drama (that I can't remember the name of, but I want to finish watching it) that featured lawyers, and actually did a good job representing this. In the first episode, a man is accused of rape, but the alleged victim had actually raped him. One of the lawyers used an audio clip as evidence against his will, exposing him as gay in the process. He's proven innocent, but the perpetrator gets off and his life was largely ruined.

Let's give you a hypothetical for all of you empathy challenged people who are still wondering why you should care.

Let's say that you have a kpop boy group of twelve members. Statistically speaking, three members have likely been sexually assaulted, two of them by women. Granted, the odds are far more scattered in reality, and might be higher or lower. And once they debut, more predators will have noticed them, and they may have been assaulted multiple times during the course of their careers.

Okay, I will wrap it up here. I genuinely want to thank the people who are still reading at this point. I realize that there is probably only three of you, but I really do appreciate it.

#Youtube #kpop #kdrama

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klaumiel · 4 years

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You are all I’ve got,Austin// Chapter 5: First touch.

It’s been four weeks since I last heard from Austin when he was transferred to another prison. The fact that I didn’t hear from him for so long was evident to me that they found his phone, and now we had no way to communicate. I wished he left me his lawyer’s number or at least name. I didn’t even know where they transferred him. I had nothing, and the unknown was killing me.

I called few jails around the area, but they couldn’t tell me anything as I wasn’t a relative, it was so frustrating. I started to feel so hopeless.

I spent every day working from home, barely leaving my house. Shaun moved with me temporarily after selling the house he shared with Olivia. He was my company every evening, mostly playing video games or watching horror movies eating the most unhealthy food possible.

I couldn’t speak to Gemma, we didn’t talk since she walked out of my house that day, I missed her. Every day I’ve been thinking about what she said, and every day I believed more and more that she could be right.

Is it possible I am making the same mistake again? Am I ready for this? To hold his hand until he is ready? Am I strong enough to support him emotionally being so unstable and fragile myself? All those questions were flying in my head every day. I knew that there is only one person in this world who could help me understand… my father.

I was on my way to my parent's house. I decided to talk to my dad, he’s been back from his deployment for a week now, we welcomed him back as always on the day of his arrival. This time he came back with good news, he asked to be moved, and from now on, he will be working stationary, training new soldiers—no more deployments. He decided that he is not fit enough anymore o continue, and he wanted to spend more time with the family. My mum was over the moon, I didn’t see her so happy for years, she could finally have her husband every day.

I parked my car on the driveway, took out my dad’s favourites cookies I made last night, and lilies for my mum.

Before I managed to get to the door, I saw it opening.

‘ Here, she is my sweet muffin!’ My dad smiled from ear to ear, he looked so adorable—this big chunk of a man filling the whole door with his covered in tattoos muscles. Usually looking so scary and rough, but standing there with his smile like a little baby, just melted my heart.

‘ Morning, daddy! I have cookies for you. I’m sure you missed my baking’ I smiled and hugged him. His strong arm covered me entirely ‘ Gosh, you are getting bigger and bigger’ I laughed

‘ Come on, get in! Mum already made tea.’ He said, still holding me. ‘ Alicia, look what found outside the door, she has cookies, so I let her in’ He laughed pinching my cheek ‘ You look beautiful sweetheart ‘ he said quietly pulling me to another hug.

I loved my dad so much, even tho deep down I hated him for leaving us every time, not being with us every day but loved him for his golden heart, nobody could deny he loved his family and cared for us as much as he could. I was happy for having him back, for good this time I missed him.

‘Richard, you better help me with this, is too heavy’ My mum shouted from the living room, she was pushing her old piano from the middle of the room but didn’t move a millimetre.

‘ Look at you little bird, trying to play a strong woman’ My dad laughed and walked to her, he picked her up in the air and moved aside

‘Not funny Richard, not funny.’ She said with half-smile.

‘Are you moving your piano? It’s been in the living room for years’ I said surprised

‘Your dad bought me a new one, we are moving this one to the garage, is worth a lot I’m not getting rid of it ‘ She said looking at my dad pushing the piano with zero effort.

‘That’s great, you could do with the new one’ I smiled and put the bowl with the cookies on the table. I noded my mum towards the kitchen, she walked with me while my dad was in the garage.

I started to put the lilies in the water.

‘What’s wrong, sweetie?’ She whispered

‘ I need to talk to dad about Austin, I am so confused and lost in this whole situation, I need his honest advice. Everything you and Shaun told me, also Gemma… I have no idea what to do. I want to really start looking for him but what Gemma said is stopping me somehow. I need his point of view on this, he never takes anyone’s side, and that’s what I need.’

‘I understand you are confused. Nobody can tell you what to do, but he is the right person to tell what’s best for you, without sugar-coating. ‘

My dad didn’t know about Austin, I asked both my mum and Shaun to keep it a secret for now, but it was time for him to know. I needed his advice the most.

We spent a peaceful afternoon together, I helped my mum with lunch and after we sat in the garden enjoying the late spring sun.

‘ Dad… I need to talk to you about something. I need your honest advice’ I started

‘You can tell me anything sweet muffin, I will do my best to help you ‘ he smiled warmly

I told him everything, didn’t miss any details, he listened, there was no judgement in his look.

‘… and now I have no idea what to do, should I risk and try to find him or leave it because it is not worth it? I am not sure if I’m ready … Gemma could be right. Am I putting myself in danger again?’ I looked in his eyes, he stared at my mum with his warm and caring look

‘ Your mum already told me, but I wanted to hear your side … and first if all, I am so proud of you... You saved his life, risking your own… I can’t say it was a wise move, but you did the way you thought was the best. And that’s very brave… And now … I will start with my usual questioning first before I tell you what I think. First question… why did you decide to help him? ‘

I signed ‘ I saw something real in him, something pure. Everyone else before give up on him as soon as they heard he was in jail, and me being me I didn’t want to judge him only base on that. We were getting close very quickly, I felt like he deserved my help, and he couldn’t do it alone.’

‘Ok, next question … how does he make you feel? How do you feel when you talk to him?’ He really wanted me to open up, just spill my feelings. I knew he would do that, and I was ready.

‘Like nobody ever did, every day was brighter when we talked. His messages in the morning were the only thing that made me smile. He gave me the strength to get up every day. I feel like he healed me by just talking to me, about everything and nothing. Just being there on the other side. We’ve built a connection that I never thought was possible.’

‘Did you ever doubted him? Did you ever think that he isn’t telling you the full truth? … Just yes or no.’

‘No’

He looked at my mum, smiled gently

‘Do you love him?’ He looked me deep in the eyes like he wanted to read my thoughts, I could see that he already knew the answer but wanted me to say it at loud. ‘ Just yes or no.’

‘Yes‘ I said without hesitation, my heart pounded in my chest

‘Ok...last one … how do you feel now? You didn’t hear from him for a while, how do you feel?’

‘Horrible, hopeless. Like a part of me is missing, the part that he took with him that kept me sane. This little part that use to put a smile on my face every morning, that small part of my happiness… Not knowing where he is if he is OK is killing me, and I feel like I am drowning again like I am taking a step back .’My eyes were filling up with tears.

My dad was quiet, looking at the distance. I waited for his response like waiting for a sentence.

‘I will be absolutely honest with you as I always am. This isn’t easy, he means a world to you; that’s clear. Does he love you back? From what you told me, and messages you showed me … yes, he does. What I can I see is a man, lost, alone and scared. But was lucky enough to meet you, loving, caring but at the same time determined and stubborn piece of work. You found a human being needing your help, and you did what you had to without hesitation. Now when you found your feelings, you are scared you will fail, fail in supporting him. But.. you are taking a risk, what if he isn’t how you pictured him? Risk of discovering more secrets about him, about his past that you won’t like. You can take that risk and trust your heart and him, or walk away never knowing, and most likely regret it for the rest of your life… and now … let's reverse the card and put yourself in his position. He spent the last seven years in prison, most of his young life, in the place he can’t trust anyone, completely alone. Knowing that he will be dead soon, nothing to lose. He meets online a beautiful girl, who didn’t reject him like others did, who showed him, love, feeling he never knew before, he decides to open up and trust this girl. And puts his life in the hands of the stranger. He gets attached; finally, someone sees more in him than just an inmate, criminal or worse a murderer. But then this girl decides to risk her life to save his because she believes in him…Now the conclusion is, who takes a bigger risk here? You by trusting him to be who he says he is? To take him in and guide and support to stand on his feet again and possibly be happy together or take him in and find out he isn’t what you thought he was. Risk being in the same situation as before? A situation you already know how to get out from. Or him, trusting a stranger with his life. Give up an only chance he has to be free to someone who could be working for the police just to get a confession of him, or worse, one of his bothers thugs looking to mess with him. Risk letting his guard down for the girl who might not be even real? Think, who takes a bigger risk? You being free and able to live your life the way you want? Or him putting his life in your hands with no chance for a normal life if he decides to not trust you? ‘

I knew that asking him for advice will make everything a lot clearer, after hearing all this, I felt like my decision has been made, it was clear to me what I have to do.

‘Thank you dad.’ I reached for his hand, wiping my tears with the other ‘ I knew you can help me, I knew you will understand both of us.’

‘ I am always here for you to advise you, but never tell you what to do. A decision is yours’ he squeezed my hand gently ‘ And don’t worry about Gemma, she will come around. Is not the first time she does this’ he smiled

‘I hope she will, and decision? I’ve made it.. but I will need your help’ I said

‘I do what I can.’

‘I need to find out where he is, I called every prison in the area, but they won’t tell me anything. You know people. Is there anyone who could help us find him? ‘

My mum smiled and kissed the top of my head ‘ I’m so proud of you sweetie, sometimes we need to take the risk to be happy. And dad is right, Gemma is a troubled girl, she just needs space. I’m sure she misses you the same as you miss her. This friendship is forever, she just needs to understand.’

‘I won’t be able to live with myself if I just walk away from him… I have to try, Gemma has to understand this.’

My dad checked his phone, got up and walked to the house. He spoke with someone on the phone. He came back a few minutes later, sat back in his chair and looked me in the eyes.

‘We will find him, it might take a few days, weeks but we will find him… he was transferred from Perch County jail right? ‘

‘Yes’ Looks like mum didn’t spare any details.

‘ There are only a few places that he could’ve been transferred too, from there. I will make a few phone calls and see what I can do.’

I knew I can count on him.

A couple of days later Shaun and I were relaxing on the sofa after a busy day. I have no idea how we got into watching The Shawshank Redemption, but we both loved this movie.

‘ I swear we should get a subscription for this chipper place’ Shaun laughed licking his fingers and putting the empty box on the table.

‘Maybe you, I only get the fish and salad from there. You are the one stuffing your face with a double portion of chips ‘ I pointed at the box ‘No judgement brother’ I laughed patting his stomach

‘ And you think getting a salad will justify this pack off Oreos that you just finished… chips are made from potatoes and potatoes are vegetables, that’s how I see it.’ He said, looking in the bag for more.

‘ And Oreos are made in heaven, so there are harmless. That’s how I see it ‘ I laughed munching my last Oreo.

We finished the movie, both tearing as usual.

‘ I meant to ask you... how was your date with Angel? You seem to be very invested in her shelter problems. Will they still go ahead with closing it?’

‘Looks like yes, I’m trying to help her as much as I can but is not easy to find a home for so many animals, I was considering adopting Teddy but not when I am here in your house. I don’t want him to chew on your shoes … ‘ he laughed ’date was excellent, we got closer, but we are taking it slow. Small steps, she is lovely and definitely worth an effort, so I don’t want to screw it.’

‘ You should adopt him, I don’t mind. Plus is for a good cause. ‘

‘Really? Thanks, I might do that. Angel will be happy, he is a great dog, you will love him.’

Suddenly I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. I got up quickly and run to answer.

I’ve been waiting for my dad’s call about Austin, but I saw a strange unknown number.

I answered a bit unsure. I definitely wasn’t expecting what came next.

‘Hello, this is as a collect call from Shelton County jail from inmate Austin Russo. To accept charges, please press one.’ Oh my god! My breath stopped, my legs suddenly felt weak, my heart was pounding in my chest. I quickly pressed number one on my phone, a long waiting tune started to play, for seemed like an eternity.

‘Maya? Baby, are you there?’ I heard men’s voice answering the phone. The empty glass I’ve been holding landed on the floor, smashing into pieces.

‘Austin?... Is that you?’ I sat on the chair, trying to calm my breath, completely ignoring the broken glass all over my kitchen floor

‘Of course, I promised I will be in touch, remember?’ I felt the familiar butterflies, this time a lot stronger. I can’t believe it’s really him. His voice was deep, smoky and husky but warm and kind. Exactly like I imagined him to sound. I smiled and breathed.

‘I am so happy to hear you… I missed you. Are you ok?

‘I missed you too, I was so pissed when they found my phone, I tried to get it back but only made it worse. I’ve been thinking about you every day… I was terrified; I will never hear from you again, that you will forget me.’

‘Austin, I told you that won’t happen …I’ve been trying to find you, I called so many prisons asking for you. I felt so hopeless… You have no idea how glad I am, you are alive.’

‘You thought I’m dead?’ he laughed and I felt like I can finally hear that sexy cockiness from our conversations‘ I am tougher than you think baby… by the way … you have a beautiful voice.’

‘Cheesy!’ I laughed ‘ You better tell me if you are OK? What the judge is saying? Will they release you soon?’

‘ I am OK now that I am talking to you… I am waiting for the court, I didn’t hear anything since they moved me here. My lawyer says everything looks promising, but he doesn’t know anything yet. I hope to hear from him soon.’

‘Austin they have no rights to keep you in prison any longer than necessary. What they are waiting for? You are innocent …what other proof they need?! This is nonsense!... was seven years not enough?! Is your lawyer even doing what he supposed to? From what I can see is not!’

‘Look at you, so feisty’ I could literally see that smirk on his face that I saw so many times on the photos.‘ My lawyer is doing what he can, but this takes time is, not just this one case they taking into consideration. They are looking at my past as well. But the good news is … execution is out of the picture which means you saved my life …I don’t know how I will ever repay you for this…’ He’s voice got softer and warmer

‘ You can repay me by bringing your sexy ass to me, and give me that kiss that you promised. ‘

’As far as I remember I promised more than a kiss… And I keep my promises’ Damn! that cockiness again!

‘Well, now I have to hold you for it … point is I need you here ASAP! ‘

‘That might be a bit tricky at this moment…Now that I can finally hear your voice I am dying to see you.’

‘Trust me, I am already googling where Shelton County Jail is.’ I laughed

‘ Why am I not surprised ?’ He laughed

‘Because we both know how much we want to see each other?’

‘You have no idea … now that I don’t have my phone here I only have your pictures in my head, I can’t look at them every day like I did before. ‘

‘I could do something about that’ I smiled

‘Oh, really? What’s that ?’

‘You will see.’

‘Here we go, teasing …Not fair!…I really don’t want this to finish, I could talk to you all day … but I have only one minute left.’

‘That’s shit, but I understand, will we be able to speak again soon?’

‘Yes, I will call you as soon as I can… I am so happy I could hear your voice … I couldn’t wait any longer…I fucking missed you, baby.’

‘ I missed you too… but now it can only be better’ I heard beeping on the other side, we were running out of time

‘Maya’

‘Yes?’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, Austin

‘ Speak to you soon, I will be dreaming of you ‘ The call got disconnected before I even opened my mouth to answer

I sat in my chair, staring into my laptop. I looked at the floor, the smashed glass was gone, and Shaun was sitting next to me with a massive grin on his face.

‘I guess I don’t have to ask who that was? He passed me a glass of wine.

‘I still can’t believe it, he called… I heard his voice … I keep pinching myself.’

‘I’m glad he did. I texted Dad, and told him he is in Shelton … he was surprised that they transferred him there is a particular place for inmates who are waiting to be released or with short sentences… I checked online, and there is a significant turnaround there, apparently a very chaotic place. For someone like him who spent many years in one place must be difficult there.’

‘ He didn’t sound like he was alright, I could hear a lot of noise in the background. They are keeping him waiting, Shaun… he said they are looking at his past, what if they put him for longer because of something he did years ago?’

‘ There is no point in speculating, what if … If you call Shelton tomorrow morning you can sign for a visit on Saturday and I will suggest you do it’ He said sipping his wine

Shortly after, we went to bed. I couldn’t focus on any movie I had only one thing on my mind, his voice so deep and smoky … it suite him so well.

That night I slept peacefully knowing that he is fine, dreaming about him, this time, my dream was a lot more real.

Finally was Saturday, I managed to book a surprise visit. I got up with a smile on my face. I was excited and nervous at the same time. The feeling of being able to see him, touch him… only for a short moment give me a massive boost of energy. This wasn't the ideal first meeting, but it didn’t matter at the time.

I wore skinny blue jeans with a black bodysuit, didn’t want to go to over the top. It wasn’t a date after all but felt like the most special day in my life.

‘ You are not leaving much to the imagination, sis !’ Shaun laughed sanding in my bedroom door

‘Is not like I am naked… I’m fully covered’ I frowned turning off my hair straightener

‘ You don’t have to’ He laughed

I rolled my eyes and looked one last time in the mirror ‘Perfection.’ I smiled and winked at Shaun

‘Ugh… please’ He rolled his eyes and laughed. ‘I can see those Oreo’s smiling at me.’ He pointed at my stomach

‘Excuse me! Who is talking? Someone who is slowly turning into a big chip’ I frowned and pointed my finger at his yellow t-shirt

‘But for now, I’m still a skinny and sexy, French fry.’

‘Ok, ok my double-chinned skinny French fry. I have to go ‘ I smiled, give him a kiss on the cheek and walked off… I turned around and saw him investigating his chin in the mirror, Adorable!

After an hour drive, I sat in my car taking a few deep breaths Ok, Maya you can do it!

I walked inside. A woman behind the desk looked at me with a big grin like expecting me to say something

‘Hi, I came to visit …’ I smiled, but she cut me off

‘Name’

‘Maya Clark’ She turned to the big monitor without a word

‘ID?’

‘Oh yes, here it is ‘ I smiled passing her my ID, she checked my details and turned back to me giving me my ID back

‘Take a seat there, someone will come for you’ She pointed at a few chairs by the main door.

I smiled and walked towards the chairs—such a lovely lady.

While waiting, I looked around What an awful place. The corridor was busy, police were bringing new prisoners every few minutes, mostly young people, mostly scared. I looked at a young man, clearly high. He reminded me of Luke, how many times I picked him up from the streets in the same state, believing that one day he would stop. Blindly hoping there is a chance for him, but now I knew that there was no chance he could ever stop using. Suddenly I heard my name.

‘Clark!?’ I looked up, mid-aged man, clearly a warden, stood next to me with a small smile

‘Yes, that's me ‘ I jumped from my seat

‘Anette, I will take this one’ He shouted to the woman behind the desk, she nodded with the same angry grin as before.’ Follow me’ He said warmly

I followed him through a big door that led to a long corridor.

‘Russo, huh?’ He smiled

‘Aha’ I nodded returning a smile

‘I am going to cut to the point… my name is Kevin. Your dad called me a few days ago, gave me a few details and as I am a man of my word I promised I will help. I owe your father a big favour.’

‘He didn’t tell me …’ I said, surprised Richard Clark, I hate you! He could’ve warned me!

‘That’s fine’ He smiled.

We stopped by one of the doors. Kevin pulled a bunch of keys and unlocked it. Inside was a small room with only one table and two chairs opposite each other next to the small window.

’ This is a room where inmates usually talk to their lawyers, regular visits are only permitted in the visiting room, but as I said before I owe your father a big favour.’ He smiled ‘ You will be alone, but this room is monitored ‘He pointed at the camera in the corner.’ I booked one hour for you.’

‘Thank you’ I smiled

‘There is a small shop, just around this corner if you want to get something. I will leave you here and go and get him. I will be back in a few minutes’

‘Kevin…does he know I’m here ?’

‘No’ He said warmly and walked off

I bought two coffees and went back to the room, closed the door and walked to the window. I should’ve guessed my dad would do something like this.

Ten minutes later, I heard footsteps, and I heard Kevin talking.

‘I am taking them off but don’t brag about it around. I don’t want the others to know there are special treatments here.’

I stood by the window, with my heart beating faster, I was nervous but in a good way. I’ve been waiting for this moment for months, ever since we started talking the need of seeing him was growing every day more.

Suddenly the door opened, and he walked in.

“Maya?!’ He stopped, shocked, god, he was gorgeous, not just handsome but beautiful. Standing there in his grey tank top and orange trousers, all his muscles exposed. He is hotter than imagined. My stomach twisted in knots, my heart pounded in my chest.

‘Last time I checked’ I smiled wildly. I couldn’t wait any longer, as soon as the door closed I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him. He buried his face in my neck, his strong arms embraced me. I could feel our hearts beating like they wanted to jump out of our chests and become one. My eyes started to fill with tears, but I didn’t let them fall, this wasn’t a time for tears.

‘I fucking missed you, baby.’ He said I could feel his warm breath on my neck sending shivers down my spine. We pulled away for our eyes to meet for the first time. He cupped my face with one hand, the other one still resting on my back. I traced the back of his neck with my fingers down to his muscular chest, still looking in his eyes. He smiled, there were so much warmth and love in his deep blue eyes, I could get lost in this gaze. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb, and before I knew his lips met mine, warmth spread throughout my entire body. I felt like I am exactly where I suppose to be. In seconds I understood that everything that happened in the last few months all those feelings, tears and laughs led to this moment. The kiss was slow at first, he brushed his lips gently against mine; his hand rested below my ear as our breaths mingled. I ran my fingers down his neck, he pulled me closer until there was no space between us. His tongue slipped inside my mouth, gentle but demanding, We’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, the urgency started to take the lead we knew we don’t have much time, but we didn’t want this end.

Time stopped, nothing mattered at this moment only us, we didn’t care where we are and who will see us. We waited for this moment far too long. The kiss became more urgent, faster and stronger he let half growl, half moan from the back of his throat, were both so hungry for one another. I wished so badly we weren’t here, but we knew we can’t go any further. Not here.

We pulled away, Austin brushed my hair gently from my face, looking at me like he wanted to memorize every part of me just in case if he would never see me again.

‘I love you Maya’ He whispered resting his forehead on mine.

‘I love you too’ I smiled. I really did like I never loved anyone before.

I ran my hand on his muscular arm when my hand met his, he pulled it up and kissed my fingers, with his eyes not leaving mine even for a second.

‘You are so beautiful, I can’t believe you are here…This must be a dream.’

I smiled and pinched him gently below the ribs, he jumped laughing

‘Oho.. someone is ticklish‘ I laughed. ‘ Did that felt real?’

‘Yes it fucking did.. ouch’ he smiled rubbing the place

‘So it is not a dream.’ I smiled

He wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me for another short but sweet kiss. I cupped his face he smiled when we finally pulled away. I took a few seconds to look at his beautiful face. He had a dimple on the right side. How come I didn’t see it before? This is so fucking sexy and cute. He got closer and kissed my forehead.

‘Let’s sit down’ he said, taking my hand in his and leading me to the table.

We sat opposite each other. I pushed the cup with coffee towards him.

‘Still warm’ I smiled taking a sip of my one

‘ I was freaking out, I thought that my lawyer came. They usually tell me a day before when he comes, so I thought that something happened. How come we were able to meet here?’

‘I was surprised as well, I came prepared for a room full of people. But then Kevin took me here and told me that my dad called him and that he owes him a favour. I didn’t object, I guess he knows what he is doing .’

‘Hang on… your dad?’ Shit, of course, I didn’t tell him that my whole family knows about him.

‘Well, yeah…let’s say my dad being a first rank Capitan knows a lot of people. He has a tendency of taking risks for others, so I’m not surprised few people owe him some favours.’ I smiled

‘Are you telling me that your father knows about us?!’ His expression hardened

‘Aha…in fact my mum and my brother as well’ I reached to grab his hand and give it a gentle squeeze ‘ Relax, they are very much with me here. They are ok with us, they supported me all the way. Shaun was the one driving me to Bennie’s that night. If not him, I don’t think I would make it, he kept me focused and calm.’ I said, still holding his hand, his expression softened like he accepted it.

‘You have no idea how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me. You didn’t have to, you could’ve just unmatched me and go back to your life, but you believed me …’

‘I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. We will talk about being grateful when you are free.’ I smiled

He looked at me with his signature cocky smirk on his lips ‘ Oh yeah? I can’t wait to have that conversation.’

‘Who said anything about conversation’ I smiled and lifted my brow

‘Baby, don’t do that here … I won’t be able to stop myself. Just looking at you gives me so many thoughts.I am having a hard time controlling myself, you are so beautiful. ’ He said looking at me hungrily

‘Right back at you’ I smiled ‘ But yes you are right, I’m sorry, this is not the place… tell me, how are you? I read a bit about this place, it seems very chaotic.’

‘Yeah, it wasn’t easy to adapt to this place. I have to keep my eyes open all the time. People coming and going every day. I am not used to this. Before I had a cell for myself, now I have to share, every week or two I have a new cellmate. So I can’t let my guard down at any point.’

‘I really don’t understand why they are still keeping you here. You should be free already.’

‘Is not that easy baby, but I spoke to my lawyer a few days ago, and there is progress. Court date should be scheduled soon.’

‘They better hurry the fuck up. What if any of Bennie’s thugs get here?’

‘It would have to be at least five of them to get me, and that not gonna happen. Took him years to get few fuckers into Perch’

‘If you say so’ I smiled, he smiled back

‘This wasn’t the first meeting I planned for us, but I am so happy that you are here.’

‘We will have plenty of time once you are free. When you called me I couldn’t wait any longer, I had to see you.’ He brushed his fingers on mine, our fingers interlocked

Time went flying, but we enjoyed every moment of it. Our conversations were different than the chats, a lot more real and profound. We could finally see each other's expressions, hear each other's laugh; it was like we clicked on an entirely new level. The next level.

I told him to give his lawyer my details just in case, I didn’t want to lose track of

him again.

We heard the door unlocking, and Kevin’s head popped in.

‘I am taking you back in five.’

The door closed again. We really didn’t want this to end. I got up from my chair and approached him. I stood between his legs cupped his face, he wrapped his arms around my waist with one hand tracing lower to my hips. I lowered my heard ready to kiss him, but I stopped, he pushed for a kiss, but I pulled away gently ‘ Promise me, you will give my details to your lawyer’ I said looking in his eyes. He face trapped in my hands, I could hear his pounding heart.’

‘Maya … I..’

‘Promise’ I whispered

‘I promise’ he said. I pulled his face to mine and kissed his lips. We drowned in a deep and passionate kiss. ‘Fuck Maya … I want you so bad’ He breathed in my mouth letting a quiet moan.

‘Well…You will have to swallow your pride and do everything possible to get out of here’ I pulled away.

The door suddenly opened, and Kevin entered the room.

‘It’s time lovebirds’

Austin stood up, grabbed my chin gently and lifted my face, and kissed.

‘ I love you, baby. You are my everything, everything I’ve got… remember that’ He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me just for a second. He walked towards Kevin, who closed handcuffs on his wrists. I stood there watching him walk away, our eyes met for a part of a second one last time before he was gone.

#austin russo #austin #austin russo fanfic #lovelink #lovelink fanfic #lovelink austin #fanfic

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carewyncromwell · 3 years

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So, the new Romance TLSQ is all about being part of a play. Very exciting. And now, I'd really like to know; we all know what a brilliant singer she is, but in theater, how well would Carewyn do as a thespian? Or would she rather be behind the scenes?

Heh...here’s the thing. I am super into theater arts myself. I was a drama club kid in high school and college, and even now, acting is one of my absolute favorite things. I’ve always loved being the center of attention, at least when it comes to being on stage playing a part, because I love connecting to other people emotionally through playacting as somebody else. (This is also why I really love writing as different characters!)

Carewyn, on the other hand? She likes being useful, preferably to someone she cares about, more than to get attention from the masses. This is very well-reflected in her career path -- she’s very good at public speaking while she’s a lawyer, but she speaks out on behalf of her clients. She’s no politician, nor even an activist. So although yeah, I could see her being a relatively decent actor if for no other reason than she’s good at lying and she’s a very emotional person, acting wouldn’t be something she’d actively seek out. She’ll sing for events like the Spring Festival or the Valentine Day’s Ball both because she adores music and because the events need musical accompaniment, but she’d probably only take a role acting-wise if, say, someone got badly injured or sick and there was no one else who knew the lines well enough to do it. Otherwise I could see Carewyn using her organizational skills to good use as a stage manager or something.

That being said, the idea of having to fill in for the lead part at the last minute in order to save the school production would be SUCH an MC-worthy situation for Hogwarts Mystery. 😂 I’m imagining Carewyn having to jump into the lead role the day of the show and laughing my head off at Orion sitting with the Quidditch crew in the audience only half-paying attention because he’s gotten lost in his head about how to apply the idea of the Ursa Major constellation also being seen as a giant spoon into his next moment of vivication and then sort of perking up a little because “...Oh. I didn’t know Carewyn was in this. :)”

#can I just say that this play of flitwick's would've been SO much more fun if it featured more than two people??#just??#have all of our friends in roles that either 110% suit them or even more funny don't suit them at all #like using romeo and juliet as an example? cast diego as romeo ben as mercutio and merula as tybalt #and merula's both so psyched she gets to wear pants and a cape but also because she gets to kill ben on stage XDDD #LMAO #ask me #carewyn cromwell #hphm #hogwarts mystery #enchanted kiss

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eryiss · 3 years

Text

Chapter Eleven - The End

Summary: Freed and Laxus live incredibly different lives. Freed is a corporate lawyer in the capital city, and Laxus works as a handyman in a countryside hotel. Despite their differences, their lives collide when Freed inherits a house in Laxus’ village, and hires him to make the derelict building liveable. But the closer they get, the more they seem to offer each other. [Fraxus Multi-Chapter]

This was written as my admission for Fraxus Day 2020, hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus. Hope you enjoy it. Also, despite what the chapter name says, there is one more chapter after this.

You can read this under the cut, on Fanfiction, or on Archive of Our Own. You can find the chapter masterpost here.

Chapter Eleven – The End

Freed had flaws.

It was something that he had tried to keep to himself; he was an image conscious man and, at some point in his life, he had attributed having flaws as some kind of weakness. This wasn't helped because of his career, something where image really was everything. One fumble on your words, one change in your body language, one misplaced hair and your opponent would jump on it in an attempt to delegitimise both you and your arguments. And slowly, subconsciously, Freed had convinced himself that he had no flaws.

But that was a fiction, and one that he was being forced to confront. He was emotionally repressed, and closed himself off from vulnerability or the chance of embarrassment. He had little life outside of his work, and had convinced himself he was happy like that when he wasn't. He had a superiority complex that often-alienated people and put a strain on relationships with people not willing to push back at him.

They were not comfortable realisations to have, and they had hit him hard.

However, Freed was not only made of flaws. He had many positive traits, one of which was his practicality. So when all of his flaws were pointed out to him, he did not mope for long, nor did he fall into a spiral of regret and self-loathing. Instead, he made a decision to make a change in himself, to grow out of his flaws.

It was why he was dressed like this: a black sleeveless shirt, and black jeans, with his hair tied up into a messy ponytail. Though to an outsider it wasn't a large change, it was significant for Freed. His job required a certain look, and did such a large amount of overtime that his suits were practically the only things he wore. Again, in a gradual change that Freed hadn't been aware of, his wardrobe turned into nothing but suits. It had become something like societal armour for him, a way to avoid judgment because he knew that he looked good and felt confident like that.

Laxus had mentioned that. Laxus had been the catalyst for all of this self-reflection.

He looked himself up and down in the mirror, frowning a little. The only reason he had these clothes were because, during Christmas, Bickslow had attempted to get Freed to go clubbing with him and attempted to guilt him into doing it by buying him the clothes as a gift. It was an interesting look for Freed, he wasn't sure about it.

"Well hot damn," A loud voice said from behind him, followed by a wolf whistle. Freed turned to see Bickslow standing at the door of his bedroom. "Where have you been hiding those arms? You're looking fine~"

Freed didn't say anything, glancing at his bare arms.

"Don't embarrass him," Evergreen's hushed as she walked past the doorframe, dragging Bickslow with her. Freed walked out of his bedroom, entering the open plan living room of his apartment. "You do look great though. Casual works on you."

"And I bet blondie is gonna love it," Bickslow grinned.

Again, Freed said nothing. He kept glancing at himself in any reflective surface that he could find, each time making him feel slightly more comfortable in the outfit. He shook his head slightly at the stupidity of his actions, walking to the kitchen and leaning on the counter as he checked the time on his phone. He would have to leave soon.

"What d'you think you're going to say to him?" Ever asked, sitting on the counter beside him.

"I'm not entirely sure yet," Freed admitted, leaning back and sighing. "I spent most of last night thinking about it, actually. At one point I decided to draft out what I wanted to say, which didn't help me at all. I'm hoping that seeing him will help."

"Just speak from the heart man," Bickslow smiled.

"Well, emotional vulnerability is a strength of mine," Freed let out a small chuckle as he spoke. "But that will probably be the best, won't it."

"And don't forget to grovel your ass off," Evergreen grinned.

Freed laughed slightly, but nodded. His friends had made it quite clear over the last two weeks that, the way he had left it with Laxus was stupid and unnecessary. Freed had taken issue with their claims at first, because if Laxus wanted to keep their relationship platonic then Freed felt he couldn't be near him for a while. But when Bickslow and Evergreen had said, in no uncertain terms, that Freed was just 'being pointlessly defensive like you always do when you try to be vulnerable,' it was hard to deny they had a point.

It had somewhat recontextualized their conversation at the party. For Freed, it had been a way to save face; to avoid the chance for embarrassment. But for Laxus, it probably felt like a rejection of their friendship. An end to any relationship, platonic or otherwise, between them.

Freed had felt sick when he realised that.

The memory of the realisation made his mood plummet.

"Hey, don't look like that," Bickslow smiled, patting Freed's shoulder and nudging him with his thigh. "You're new to… emotions. And being honest with your mistakes," Freed hardened his expressions by reflex at that. "But it ain't that bad, what happened. You kinda did a little bit of a fuck up, which happens. You're going to talk to him, make up for what happened, and then maybe if you're lucky you'll get some dick. Again."

Against his better judgment, a slither of a smile fell onto Freed's face.

"You're incorrigible," Freed scolded, though laughed.

"Was he good?" Evergreen asked, and Freed shook his head as he stood up. "He looks like he'd be good."

"You are both awful people," Freed said with a grin. "I'm trying to get into a headspace where I can have an emotional and heartfelt conversation with a level of vulnerability I am not comfortable with, for a man I care for very greatly. And the two of you talking about my night with the aforementioned man is not helping."

"We couldn't be more sorry," Bickslow grinned in his lie.

"Yes, you sound positively repentant," Freed muttered, pushing off from the counter and standing straight. "I should go, before it gets too late. You don't mind dealing with the trucks, do you? I'd rather not linger any longer than I have to."

"Of course," Evergreen smiled. "It's all going into storage for now, isn't it?"

Freed nodded.

"You coming back tonight?" Bickslow asked, before grinning. "Roomie."

"I suppose that'll be dependent on what happens, won't it?"

Freed walked through his front door, holding it open for his friends to walk through. Once they had, he looked into the large apartment, devoid of both furniture and evidence of life. He scanned the place he had lived for all his adult life, almost shocked by the lack of emotions he felt when he considered it would no longer be his home. Perhaps it was because it had never felt like a home, but rather a selection of rooms that he existed in when not working. Or perhaps it was because he felt that there was something better for him coming soon if luck was on his side.

But, as he flicked off the light and locked the door, he didn't care. He had other priorities today.

He took a breath before he walked in. He needed the courage.

Fairy Tail, for his time in Magnolia, had been something of a safe haven for him. Before he'd moved into the house, Fairy Tail had been where he had stayed and it had turned into a home away from home, of sorts. But now, having not been there for a while, it felt something like a fortress that he would have to conquer. A monolithic blockade that signified what he needed to do to take the next step in his life.

Because Freed knew that he had hurt Laxus; he couldn't delude himself otherwise. After Bickslow and Evergreen had explained just how stupid he had been – again, their words – he had demanded Evergreen ask Elfman about Laxus' state. Apparently he was shut off, without enthusiasm and quick to anger.

Freed was to blame for this, and the people who had dealt with the fallout were in the hotel.

After further attempts to calm his nerves, Freed walked through the front garden of the hotel and into the hotel. The bell chimed and it sent a rush of nerves into the pit of Freed's stomach. As the door closed, he was met with the sight of Cana and Mirajane. Perhaps the two people Freed hoped to see least.

There was a moment of silence, where recognition turned to icy expressions.

"Oh look who it is," Cana said, pushing up from the reception and taking a step forward. "Mr fuck 'em and leave 'em, huh. You've a lot of balls showing up here."

A slurry of comments flashed through Freed's mind, because as willing as he may be to grovel for Laxus' forgiveness, that was not something he was going to do for people who he barely knew. However, he knew that Laxus was important to these people, and it was clear that they had protective instincts over him, so he bit his tongue. Though a hint of bitterness did fill him at the way he was addressed.

"I wish to see Laxus," He said in reply, fighting the instinct to scratch at his hand. "Where is he?"

"Why?" Mirajane asked, and her tone lacked the gentleness it normally did. "Because from what I've seen, I don't think he'd want to see you."

"Has he told you that?" Freed's voice had a hint of an edge to it now. "Because if not, then perhaps it would be best if you don't speak for him and allow him to make up his own mind; I'm sure you agree."

Cana went to speak, but before she said anything the door to the office swung open and two people walked out: Makarov and Lisanna. Freed almost sighed in frustration at the sight of the older man, because, if Freed had understood the man as well as he thought, Makarov's protective instinct over Laxus was so much higher than that of his friends. And the scowl on his face suggested that Freed's assessment had been correct.

"You," He snapped, voice carrying a ferocity that Freed hadn't heard out of court. "What are you doing on my property?"

"I wish to see your grandson," Freed explained, continuing before he could stop himself. "If you can tell me where he is, I'll happily leave your property. Though given that it is a retail business I feel the need to say I have a right to be here."

"My Grandson is no business of yours," Makarov growled in his throat, stepping towards Freed. "Over the last few weeks he had become a shell of his former self. And you are entirely to blame for that."

Freed resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"And how exactly have you come to that conclusion?" Freed asked, making as good an effort to remain polite as he could. "Because, despite it not being something you may want to admit, I know your grandson very well. And knowing him, I can be sure in the fact that he has not spoken of our conversation to any of you. So perhaps you should hold your assumptions for now and allow him to make up his own mind."

"I found him crying alone. On New Year's Eve he was sat alone and in tears. Because you left him like that," Makarov grunted, taking another step forward. "You're right, he didn't tell me what happened, but I know a damn broken heart when I see it. Especially when it comes to my own grandson. And you have the audacity to come here, as if you can walk back into his life without repercussion. I should spit at you."

"Where is he?" Freed repeated, now scratching at his palm again as frustration grew.

"I can assure you that if I have anything to say about it, you will not see my grandson again and you certainly will not hurt him," Makarov snarled. "Leave, you cruel hearted bastard."

Freed felt his jaw clench at that, and his eyes flickered over the three other people in the reception. Cana was glaring at him; with an expression one might save for a murderer. Mirajane was nodding in agreement to Makarov's demand, her lips pressed into a firm line. Lisanna looked more hesitant, glancing at Makarov with a look of almost concern before her eyes flickered towards Freed. For a moment they shared eye contact, and a flash of pity crossed her features that made Freed feel a little calmer.

"Why're you still here?" Cana snapped. "Fuck off, fucking manipulative whore."

And that was the moment that Freed's patience snapped.

Because his road to self-betterment had only just started, and when insulted he favoured fight over flight.

"I have a lot of things to say to you all, but as I don't wish to waste my time on insignificant people I intend to keep this brief," Freed snapped, voice rivalling Makarov's in hostility. "You may believe that you have Laxus' best interests at heart by this little performance, but if you used so much as an ounce of thought, then you would probably conclude that he would both hate this and resent you for doing it. He is a prideful man, as well as a free-thinking adult, and having people speak for him without his permission is something I expect doubt he would abhor."

"You do not know my grandson better-" Makarov began.

"Do not interrupt me!" Freed yelled with a power that years of professional arguing had gifted him. "And do not play some saintly role, because I am more than aware of how focused you have all been on whatever relationship Laxus and myself may have had. You have strongarmed yourselves into our relationship by making comments, jokes and invasive suggestions. This protective defence you're doing is a continuation of that. A way to paint yourselves as the heroes of the story, the valiant defenders who protected the weak of the pack. But Laxus is not weak, and you really should stop treating him as such."

"Don't act like you know us," Cana scoffed. "We've barely spoken."

"And yet you act as though you know me perfectly," Freed retorted. "But you don't. You don't know me, nor the nature of what Laxus and I have had. You have made assumptions, all of which seem to be incorrect."

Freed took a sigh to calm himself. He needed to get this back onto the topic.

"When I left your grandson last, he was not crying. Had I known he would, I promise that I would not have left him," He said, voice calmer but still tainted with anger. "I will not divulge what we spoke of, as that is our business, but if you believe I simply bedded Laxus and left him then let me make it clear that I did not. I care for him greatly, and the fact that I have hurt him burns at me. But I am here in an attempt to make amends for this, something I can only do if I see him. Should he tell me to leave and never contact him, as you so clearly want, then I will respect that. But I will not take orders from strangers.

"Now, given you're so clearly invested in what happens between us, I will be clear. I intend to find him, speak to him and hopefully rekindle whatever relationship I can," Freed straightened his back, a glare on his face. "And if I may leave you with some advice for the future, when it comes to our relationship, mind your own fucking business."

He spun on his heels, and left the reception of Fairy Tail.

His pace was quick, and the anger spurred him on, adrenaline a good counter for the cold air hitting his bare arms. He stormed down the steep hill of magnolia, ears not picking up the sound of running shoes on the cobbles behind him. He was too busy focused calming his breathing.

"Freed," Lisanna's voice came from behind, and Freed glanced over his shoulder to see she was alone. "Slow down."

"Why?" He grunted.

"Because I know where he is, asshole," She snapped back, and Freed slightly slowed his pace. After catching up with him, Lisanna spoke again. "Look, don't pay too much attention to them. Getting involved in other people's business is what happens in villages. And they're a protective lot, but they don't mean any insult."

"Yes they do."

"Okay, maybe they do a bit," Lisanna admitted, sighing. "But that's not why I came out here. I wanted to say that I think it'd be good if you talked to Laxus. I know they all disagree, but I think I know you pretty well, and I don't think you'd hurt Laxus intentionally. So even if you don't manage to… fix everything, it might give you a chance to explain what happened and help cheer him up."

"That's what I'm hoping to do," Freed spoke softly.

"I know. You're nice, you just have to look hard at you to see it," Lisanna smiled, patting Freed's arm. "He's at a job right now, doing some house work. I'm sure Bob won't mind you stopping by."

After Lisanna wrote down the address of the house Laxus was working at, he thanked her and was pulled into a shockingly strong hug. He returned it, somewhat awkwardly, before letting her go and smiling at her. It was nice to know that he had an ally of sorts with her, given that he had essentially burned all bridged with all of the other people important to Laxus.

"I hope you do make it up to each other," Lisanna admitted softly. "You brought out the best of him."

"He brought out the best of me," Freed whispered, and he felt his anger dissipate slightly. The admission of Laxus' influence was invigorating and comforting at the same time.

"Then make it up with him," Lisanna said. "And be good to him."

"I will," Freed promised. "I really will."

When he saw Laxus, it made his stomach churn and flip simultaneously.

He was in a small front garden, standing with his back to Freed while trimming the wayward leaves of an overgrown tree. The wires plugged into his ears told Freed that he was listening to music, and the sight of his right leg bobbing slightly in tune to a rhythm sent a rush of relief through Freed. Getting lost in music was something that often happened when he worked on the house, and Freed was glad to see that hadn't changed.

Perhaps stupidly, Freed had convinced himself that Laxus would be a shell of his former self. It was good that he wasn't.

Approaching slowly, and steadying his breath again, Freed coughed to get his attention. It didn't work initially, so Freed waited a moment for Laxus to climb down from the small step ladder he was stood on, before tapping the blonde on the shoulder. Laxus turned, then took a startled half step back when he saw who it was. Freed smiled weakly at him as Laxus took out his headphones.

"Freed," He slightly stammered out, pupils dilated.

"Hello Laxus," Freed spoke quietly. "It's nice to see you."

"Hi," Laxus seemed almost breathless as he spoke.

They took a few moments to look one another up and down. Laxus looked the same as he had since they last saw, in most ways. He still stood tall, his clothes still clung to his large form, and his face was as handsome as it always had. But there were slight bags under his eyes, and his shoulders were drooped just a little. Freed felt a rush of guilt flow through him; he couldn't remember Laxus looking like this in their time spent together, and the change was his fault.

But he couldn't linger on that guilt for too long, because Laxus finished sizing him up at the same time Freed had with him. Their eyes met, and Freed found himself breathless as he was trapped in the blue pupils that had been haunting him.

"What are you doing here?" Laxus asked, voice more hesitant than hostile.

"I wished to speak with you," Freed explained, taking a step forward. Laxus didn't step back, and the proximity gave Freed a slight burst of confidence. "So long as that's not a problem?"

"Erm. No. No that should be, erm… That should be fine," Laxus said, looking over his shoulder to the house. "Just let me see if Bob doesn't mind me taking a bit of time off. He won't, but I need to be sure."

Freed nodded, and watched as Laxus jogged back into the house; Freed scolded himself for glancing over the vast expanse of the man's back as he retreated. Less than a minute later, Laxus returned to the garden, now wearing a leather, fur lined jacket that had become a favourite of Freed's during their time together. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of the ruffled fake-fur bordering Laxus' neck.

"You ain't cold are ya?" Laxus asked, voice awkwardly polite. It bothered Freed, but he'd expected it. "I could ask Bob for something, if you need it. I mean, you have pretty different styles, but cold is cold. Although, you seem to have changed it up a bit."

"Yes," Freed said, not missing the roaming eyes on him again. "But I'm fine, I don't need a coat."

Laxus shrugged, motioning towards the pathway that Freed had just walked down to get there. Without needing to say anything, Freed began walking down the road, Laxus keeping in step with him. Even in the awkwardness between them, Freed couldn't help but notice how easy it was to understand what Laxus was thinking without him saying anything. Freed enjoyed knowing what someone was thinking without them speaking.

"The bathroom in the house is done," Laxus said eventually, breaking the ice. "I sent you an email, don't know if you got it."

"I did," Freed nodded, thinking back to the email. The very formal email. "I didn't reply in case you didn't want to hear from me."

"Is it okay?" Laxus asked.

"I haven't been to the house yet, but I know it'll be excellent," Freed spoke with confidence, because Laxus was excellent with what he did. "You were my priority for coming here, though."

Laxus let out a small hum in response, and they fell into silence again as a chill ran over Freed's bare arms, not that he paid it any mind. It was stupid but, after their time spent apart, even walking next to Laxus in a relatively uncomfortable silence felt great. Laxus seemed to have a calming aura to him that affected Freed in a way he couldn't explain.

But, he wasn't here to indulge himself in his urge to be close to Laxus in any way the blonde allowed him to. He was here to make it up to Laxus, to hopefully make him feel a little better at worst, and perhaps propose a new relationship at best.

"I have to apologise," Freed began. "For quite a lot of things, really."

"No you don't," Laxus said, either out of instinct or politeness.

"Don't be kind about this, Laxus. It's not the moment for that," Freed spoke with a firmness in his voice. "The fact is, I've done a lot of selfish things to you, and whether intentionally or not I have hurt you. I need to make up for that, and the first step is to apologise."

When Laxus didn't say anything, Freed saw that as encouragement for him to continue.

"When I first kissed you, and the night we spent together, I did it out of selfishness," Freed began. "I know you disagreed when I said that before, but it was. I wanted you, and I prioritised that over both our friendship and any repercussions that might have come with it. It was a selfish moment born out of a lack of self-control."

"You know I wanted it as much as you did," Laxus parroted his response from their previous discussion on the matter.

"It wouldn't have happened had I not pushed it," Freed said firmly. "I also need to apologise for how we left things last time. Why I said we should take a break from each other… it was an excuse. The truth was that I'm terrified of embarrassment. I've spent most of my life avoiding situations where it might happen. And I was embarrassed after what happened, and my kneejerk reaction to that is to close off and avoid it. Which, now I say it out loud, is utterly pathetic."

"Yeah," Laxus nodded. "It was fucking pathetic."

Freed was shocked that he felt no offence at that.

"You ain't apologised for it yet," Laxus continued.

"No," Freed agreed. "I am so sorry for that Laxus. Without being hyperbolic, that was the biggest mistake I have ever made, and I will regret it for the rest of my life," He sighed a little, breath fogging. "But I know that an apology isn't enough. So I want to make it clear that I'm trying to improve myself; to confront my flaws."

"Really?" Laxus said, looking ahead.

"I've contacted a therapist, with the intention of having weekly sessions with her," Freed admitted, and Laxus' gaze fell on him. "I'm hoping that she can help me with a lot of things. Both with my… issues with how I'm perceived, and other, smaller problems. Specifically with how I'm dealing with my mother's death."

"Right," Laxus said with a slight nod. "Sounds like something that'd be good for you."

Again, they didn't speak for a short while, and Freed found that they had walked into one of Magnolia's parks; he'd been too busy focused on the apology to notice where they had gone. He'd never been to the park before, he'd never had the time nor the inclination, but it was a beautiful place. A long expanse of grass, with flowerbeds decorating the edges. And near the entrance was a large pond, with Lilypad's floating atop the surface and benches surrounding it.

"I've quit my job," Freed said as they walked along the path. Laxus stopped where he stood.

"What the fuck?"

"I've left my job," Freed repeated. "It was overdue."

"You loved your job," Laxus frowned, voice confused. "You said it was the biggest part of your life. You just fuckin' quit it?"

"It's a fairly clear summary of my life, isn't it? That the biggest part of my life was something that I grew to hate," He chuckled out loud. "I'm selling my apartment as well. Something else that I should have done a while ago."

"The fuck are you- Why are you-" Laxus stammered slightly. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're the catalyst for this. I've been playing at life for a while, doing what I thought I was meant to for years now. I got the job I was told to get. I got the apartment I want meant to strive for. But, I wasn't happy, and I didn't realise it until I came here. Until I met you. You've made me a better man, and I want you to know how important you are to me," Freed admitted, before frowning. "And this isn't a form of guilt tripping. I'm not trying to make you feel obligated to forgive me for what I did. These are all things that I should have done years ago, for myself. I just want you to know how better I am for having met you."

"You know where you're gonna live?" Laxus asked. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but Freed felt he heard a slight glimmer of hope in Laxus' tone.

"Bickslow's apartment, for now," Freed explained. "In terms of future plans, there's a lot of things to think about."

"Is one of those things the topic you've been avoiding?" Laxus asked. "What the next steps are for the two of us."

"That is a large thing to consider," Freed agreed.

"Guess so," Laxus nodded. He tilted his head to the nearest bench that bordered the pond. "Sit."

Freed did as he was told, and sat on the bench. When Laxus sat beside him, a chill went through his spine as he felt Laxus' thigh rest against his and remain there. He tried not to let a glimmer of hope bloom through him, but a small smile did flicker into his features before he schooled it off. Hopefully Laxus didn't notice.

"You can tell yer a lawyer," Laxus continued. "I come up with a list of reasons why we shouldn't be together, and you address them all."

"Sorry," Freed said with a small smile. "Winning arguments its hardwired into me."

"Yeah, realised that," Laxus chuckled a little, before turning serious again and looking at Freed. "Freed, all this stuff your doing is great, and I'm sure it'll help you become a better and happier person. But things like therapy, they take time. It's not like you'll go into a session and be the best version of yourself by the end of it. And if you're looking for a new job and you've just moved out… I don't think it's the best time for us to start anything."

His heart leapt slightly at the idea that Laxus was even considering starting something with him. But he didn't let his excitement show, instead nodding slightly.

"If you're not ready, or if you just don't want to-"

"I want to Freed, I really want to," Laxus said firmly, and Freed couldn't fight the smile. "I've wanted to be with you since I first met you. But if we start – when we start – then we only got one chance at it. Because I feel really strongly about you, and I'm worried if we fuck it up it'll turn to hatred. And I can't hate you. I don't wanna hate you."

"I don't want to hate you either."

Again, silence fell between them. And Freed understood what Laxus was saying, because he too had such strong feelings for Laxus. At that moment those feelings were fondness, adoration, friendship and potentially love. But if they messed up, if their relationship was bad and it grew resentment between them both, then all the passion he felt for the man could be twisted into anger and disgust. That was a risk he wasn't willing to take.

"What if we wait a month," Laxus eventually said.

"What?" Freed asked.

"A month. In exactly a month's time, we see how we're both doing. If we're in a better place than we are now, and if we both think it's time then we go on a date and see what happens," Laxus had a sense of purpose in his voice. An authority. "That okay?"

"Yes," Freed said without hesitation. "But, what if we're not ready by next month?"

"Then we wait another month. Or however long it takes," Laxus claimed, and it was perhaps the most romantic thing Freed had heard. "You think you can do that?"

"Without a doubt," Freed promised. "The truth of the matter is, Laxus, that I would do anything to keep you in my life."

And then a beautiful thing happened. Freed was given the angelic sight of Laxus' lips contorting into a mischievous, wide grin. His eyes sparkled with a childish, competitive glee. Laxus had clearly seen Freed's promise as some sort of challenge and, as he had done with every perceived challenge between the two of them, had decided he would take Freed up on the challenge. It was incredible to see, and Freed felt as though, in that look, he had been forgiven.

"Anything huh?" He said with a grin in his tone. "Because, y'know, when we do go on a date I get to pick what we do. And I'm pretty sure I wanna get some petty revenge on ya. That okay?"

"Depends on what the date is, I suppose," Freed mused, smirking, "But I doubt you'll think of something I'd refuse."

"Even if I make you dress up as a medieval jester, have you shout crappy limericks in the high street all day while I get people to throw rotten eggs and tomatoes at ya."

"I would do that," Freed nodded. "I'd be confused about why you'd want me to do that, because that is both a very odd and very specific threat. But yes, if that is what you want then I would do it."

"Thought you didn't like getting embarrassed," Laxus teased.

"For you, I don't mind," Freed smiled. "I'm just sorry that it took me this long to realise it."

"Enough apologising, it doesn't suit you," Laxus laughed.

"Fair," Freed grinned, before his mind went back slightly. "Where on earth did the idea of dressing me up as a jester, having me shout limericks and throwing eggs at me come from?"

"Ah, Mirajane was acting like I was some heartbroken teenager and kept trying to cheer me up," Laxus laughed. "In the end it was either going to the spa with her and her sister, or watching a crappy TV Movie while eating ice cream. After the villain of the movie lost his money, he had to advertise a crappy medieval restaurant and that's what ended up happening to him. Thought it suited you."

"You think I deserve the same fate as a TV movie villain?" Freed chuckled. "Is that what you see me as, a villain?"

"Fuck yeah I do," Laxus grinned. "But I think villains are hot, so don't feel bad."

"I consider it a compliment," Freed laughed, before groaning. Laxus frowned at him. "On the topic of me being a villain, it is entirely possible that I offended basically everyone important to you before I found you."

"How the fuck did you do that?" Laxus cackled.

"I may have ranted at them for a while, and told them to mind their own fucking business."

"For fucks sake," Laxus laughed. "You really don't make things easy for yourself, do ya?"

Freed just laughed, and as he did he felt his head rest against Laxus' by accident. He opened his eyes to see that their foreheads were resting against each other. Their laughter died, and Freed felt his pace increase again. His heart hammered heavily in his chest, and he could feel a buzzing anticipation flow through him.

It was a similar sensation to when he had kissed Laxus in the car. Anticipation grew and grew, as if whatever happened next was inevitable. A rush of adrenaline pushed him forward slightly, and he was so incredibly aware of how Laxus' roaming eyes were flicking between his eyes and his lips.

They were going to kiss.

And, somehow, he knew it would be better this time. Because this wasn't a mistake, this wasn't Freed giving into his urges against his better judgment. This was something that he and Laxus wanted, and perhaps they were owed at this point.

But Laxus' reasoning for not starting a relationship rushed back to his mind, and stopped him from moving forward.

"Laxus," He whispered. "I though you wanted to wait until we started dating."

"I do," Laxus whispered back. "But I also wanna kiss you so fucking bad right now. And you got a poorly timed kiss, it's my turn."

In that moment, there was no doubt in Freed's mind that he and Laxus were meant to be together.

And then, Laxus took Freed into a beautiful, passionate, incredible kiss. It was everything.

#Fraxus Day 2020 #Fraxus Day #Fraxus #Freed Justine #Laxus Dreyar #Fairy Tail #Fanfic #Writing #Event #Multichapter #Word Count 6k #Fuckyeahfraxus

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neo-culture-taste · 4 years

Text

Abeilles au Printemps - Ch 8

Alternate Title: Bees in Spring

Genre: AU, romance, drama, comedy, smut, who’s the daddy

Pairing: NCT x Y/N (fem)

Rating: Mostly mature themes/ language. Smutty chapters will be labeled 🐝.

Word Count: 13000+ :D

For other chapters, see the masterlist.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s a super late chapter as your present from us! We believe it was well worth the wait~ 💘

You heard your companion's long and heavy sigh as he shifted his car into park in front of your destination. Having yet to let go of the gearshift, he squeezed it in his palm before looking over to you in the passenger seat with a disconcerting feel to his stare--even though his eyes weren't clearly visible through the lenses of his sunglasses. “You know you don’t have to go through with this, right?”

You pulled down the overhead visor then opened the mirror to apply a light coat of lipstick to your lips--a subtle mauve/rouge you put on before every court case. You would say that it was your lucky color. “He sent over legal court documents trying to sue me,” you replied before smoothing the color onto your bottom lip. "I must comply."

“This is so stupid," he spat, now notably agitated. You knew he was going to try to talk you out of it before he even began speaking. Whenever the subject came up in previous conversation between the two of you, he would become reserved and slightly on edge, but never reveal what was running through his mind. He no longer had the time to beat around the bush--especially since he waited until after he drove you to the courthouse to try and stop you. "He's only trying to sue you because he failed at being the man of your dreams.”

“Jaehyun, my love, please calm down.” You finished putting the lipstick onto both your lips then puckered them together a few times in the mirror. "You’re getting worked up over nothing.”

“I don’t think you should go. Don’t give him anymore attention. What if he tries to spin another web of lies?”

“Then let him. I know the truth. My personal truth.” You closed the visor then bent down to pick up Jaehyun's snapback from off the car floor, before turning in your seat and slapping the cap onto his head. “And I never lose,” you said then cradled Jaehyun’s face in your hands.

Choosing that it was best not to complain anymore, Jaehyun kissed you on your forehead and followed through by kissing your freshly painted lips. He then exited the vehicle and made his way to your side to open the door. He walked you to the front of the court house and kissed you one last time before watching you go through the security scanners. He wanted to go in with you, but he only had the small amount of time it took to pick you up and take you there before his busy schedule for the day began. And as much as you would have liked to have his support during the trial, his presence would only complicate the matter further.

You checked in with your favorite clerk of court, who informed you that the other parties had already arrived. You thanked her then made your way to the small claims court on the other side of the building. Upon entering the doors, you saw Kun already standing behind the podium. He was wearing his white dental coat as if status would work in his favor during all of this. He was foolish to think he would get any sort of favor while he was trying to fight in your territory.

“And there’s the woman of the hour!” he said loudly announcing your arrival.

You rolled your eyes as you set your belongings on one of several empty benches. The whole court was empty except for the two of you and Winwin, who would be acting as a witness. You had so many emotions bottled inside that you wanted to unleash onto your ex. However, you stayed tight lipped and ignored his welcome. You weren’t going to risk a settlement on your emotions. On cue, as the seconds hand on the clock ticked to the number eight, the court officer and court reporter appeared and began the introductions for the judge. Fortunately, the judge presiding was one of your favorite judges, so you knew that the case would be a cinch. Plus, it appeared as though Kun’s lawyer actually did decide to skip out on his case, making it easier for you. It was a tad bit surprising, since the rabbit never missed a chance to hop on anything that involved making you look bad. But it made sense for him to be a no-show, especially since the particular set of events that brought you here in the first place involved Doyoung himself. He wouldn't want to make himself look bad, oh, no.

“Ms. Y/L/N, I never thought I would ever see you behind the podium as a defendant. This is quite a surprise," said the judge after taking his seat. "Shall we begin?”

Kun held up a hand to the judge. “Hold on, your honor. My lawyer, Kim Doyoung, is running a bit late."

The judge stared blankly at Kun briefly before speaking. "This is small claims court. You don't need a lawyer," he said and Kun's eyes looked like they would fall out of his head. You wanted to laugh so badly.

"I don't think I can proceed without him. Are we able to reschedule--”

“No, no. No rescheduling,” you snapped, cutting him off. “You can represent yourself.” You had already dragged this case out long enough. It was time to get it done and get rid of him for good.

Kun stuck up his nose and crossed his arms. “So you can ruthlessly use your lawyer tactics against me?”

“I was going to do that anyway.” What you wanted to say was, 'No shit. We're in court,' but you didn't for obvious reasons.

“Order, order in the court.” The judge shook his head and banged his gavel silencing the both of you. He could already tell by your and Kun's dynamic how this trial was going to play out. “Let’s get this over with," he said and repositioned his body in his seat. “Plaintiff, state your case."

"Gladly, your honor," said Kun and you rolled your eyes for the second time--and so hard that you swore you felt your baby do it, too. "I am suing Ms. Y/L/N for $20,000 on the basis of scarring me both emotionally and mentally during the two year relationship we shared. I am also seeking to be compensated for the time she stayed at my residence due to her own home being renovated.”

“I see," said the judge. "Can you describe to me the actions taken by the defendant that caused you to become emotionally and mentally scarred?”

“She cheated on me with five different men while I was away at a conference overseas. But prior to that, she was staying at my home without taking part in any of the living expenses.”

Oh, hell no.

“I object!” you spat out as your blood boiled hot in your veins. He was not about to claim such a bullshit lie on you.

“Overruled," said the judge before turning to address you. "Ms. Y/L/N, that is actually a warning for you. Neither of you have any actual legal representation today, so no more lawyer speak from you." Seriously? That just pissed you off even more! Now you were definitely rethinking him as being one of your least favorite judges. "Dr. Qian, are you able to present any evidence for your first claim?" he continued.

"She's pregnant, your honor," he stated and pointed to your large and obvious baby bump. "And we never had sex." He let down his hand and a smug smirk appeared on his face. "Also, she has no idea who the father is." Gosh, you wanted to punch him more than ever right now. There was absolutely no reason for him to add that last tidbit of information.

The judge glanced at you briefly before speaking. Just great. He definitely wouldn't be able to look at you the same way ever again. "Alright, then. Has a doctor diagnosed you with a mental disorder, for example PTSD, depression, anxiety or such?”

Kun visibly hesitated. “No, your honor…" Doyoung was supposed to do all the talking for him. He didn't know how to properly answer with a response in his favor.

“So you weren't officially diagnosed as having emotional or mental trauma nor are you on any medication or seeking therapy?”

“No...well no...but she--,“ Kun floundered in his speech.

“So you’re suing because your feelings were hurt? Is that it?” Okay. He was still one of your favorite judges after all.

“I don’t want to speak until my lawyer gets here!” Kun half whined to the judge.

"Dr. Qian, the trial has already begun, now let's move on." He directed his attention to you. "Ms. Y/L/N, your defense, please."

You smiled to yourself knowing you had this whole thing in the bag. There was no point in getting angry over this idiot and his dumb trial. There was no way he could win. “Your honor, although it is true that I stepped out on him a few times during our relationship, my home was being renovated and I was invited to stay at his residence without having to take part in any of the expenses. It was a mutual agreement and the idea came from my boyfriend who claimed that he loved me and had plans to marry me.”

"I-I object!" Kun interjected in a full on panic. There was no way he could twist himself out of this without the rabbit.

"You can't object. You're not a lawyer," said the judge quickly dismissing Kun. "We have a witness here, right? Mr. Dong, is it? Would you please take the stand." Winwin nodded and stood up to walk and stand between you and Kun. "Since you're the witness for both parties, please state your relationship to each one.”

"I am a close friend to both Dr. Qian and Ms. Y/L/N."

"But we've known each other for more than ten years compared to the mere two they've hardly spent together," added Kun snarkily.

"No comments, please," the judge told Kun without even looking at him. "Mr. Dong, can you testify for either of the parties."

"Yes, sir, your honor," Winwin began. "While it is true that Ms. Y/L/N stepped out on their relationship, Dr. Qian did, however, invite her into his home as her boyfriend, and he promised to take care of her without requesting any financial assistance." When he finished, Kun rolled his eyes and neck dramatically, annoyed by the fact that his own best friend was testifying against him. Even though you only spent a little time with him because of Kun and Ten, Winwin had still become a close friend by your strict terms. You knew he wouldn't stand there and be unfair to you.

"Anything else you would like to add?" asked the judge.

Winwin looked over at you with sad eyes before looking at the floor and letting out a heavy sigh. "There is one more thing, your honor..." One more thing? Was he about to tell the judge about what Kun did overseas? You had come prepared to reveal that information yourself, having brought the photos Doyoung had given you to present as evidence. But it would save you the breath if Winwin was going to do it for you.

The judge's left brow raised slightly. "Well, what is it--"

"Hold it your honor."

All eyes turned to the back of the courtroom as the doors swung open to signal the sudden entrance of your one true rival. A wave of relief washed over Kun as Doyoung made his way to stand between you and Winwin in front of the judge, and he was holding a similar yellow envelope to the one he gave you underneath his arm. Heat radiated from your body at his close proximity to you. You remembered him explicitly telling you that he wouldn't be representing Kun anymore, but deep down you had a feeling that he would in fact show up just to spite you for what you said to him on that day, and because of what he did to you at your baby shower.

"Ah, Mr. Kim. How nice of you to finally join us twenty minutes later," the judge stated amusedly. Today was nothing short of surprises from the people he had come to know to be highly professional.

"I apologize for my tardiness. I had a crisis of conscience on whether or not I could represent my client today." A crisis of conscience? You scoffed at his words. His only crisis was choosing whether or not he wanted to besmirch his own name in the process of tarnishing yours.

Kun's body immediately stiffened up again with fear and confusion. "What the actual hell?! Why?!"

"I can longer represent you in this case because…" Doyoung briefly paused to look over at you. Your subdued angry expression caused him to groan inwardly in irritation before looking back at Kun and continuing his statement. "It has recently come to my attention that I am directly involved with the defendant by being a potential father of her unborn child." So he decided to drag his own reputation after all? You still weren't impressed.

Kun's face morphed into one of absolute betrayal and disgust and the judge's mouth fell open slightly before he quickly regained his composure and cleared his throat. Jaehyun was right. You shouldn't have gone through with this to save you from the absolute embarrassment. You began fanning yourself with your case notes as your body temperature steadily increased. You could feel little beads of sweat starting to form at your hairline.

"You were one of the five guys she cheated on me with?!" Kun all but screeched.

"Actually, I was the sixth one to be notified." Okay. You were really tired of all your personal business being put on blast in this courtroom.

"Why you fucking ass--" you began to say in your rage but the loud banging of the judges gavel halted you.

"Order! No swearing in the court, Ms. Y/L/N! You know that!"

"I'm sorry," you said through gritted teeth and purposely left off the honorific.

"And I would also like to present a piece of evidence to the court," said Doyoung as he held up the envelope. What could he possibly have had on you now?!

"Baliff, please retrieve the evidence from Mr. Kim." The officer did as he was told and retrieved the envelope from Doyoung and handed it to the judge. "Hmm," he sounded after opening it and pulling out its contents. "These appear to be photos of you Dr. Qian." Of course the rabbit's efficient bushy-tailed behind made copies of the pictures. He couldn't even let you make the big reveal yourself!

"Of me?" Kun was very perplexed, having no knowledge of the pictures being taken. However, next to him Winwin visibly stiffened as the color began draining from his face.

"Yes, and you're canoodling with a woman who is not Ms. Y/L/N. But the interesting part is that the timestamps of these photos coincide with the alleged date of your conference overseas."

Kun was rendered speechless. He had assumed no one other than Winwin knew about what he actually did during his trip overseas, who still then was spared most of the scandalous details. With his mouth agape, he looked over to his friend for some sort of clarification, and received just that when Winwin refused to look in his direction. It was all over for him now.

"Although your feelings were hurt," the judge continued, "it seems as though you are doing all of this out of guilt because you yourself cheated on Ms. Y/L/N as well. You also refuse to admit the both of you are cut from the same cloth. It's a shame the two of you aren't still together." Tch.

Now glaring at his so-called best friend, Kun addressed the judge. "Your honor, I have a right to know where these photos came from and why my ex lawyer has them."

The judge held back from rolling his eyes again. Did it really matter at this point? Kun was caught red handed. "Yes. Mr. Kim, do you care to answer?"

"I gave them to him," cut in Winwin.

Everyone was taken aback by this sudden revelation. You looked over to Doyoung and though his expression was neutral, you noticed he was clenching his jaw tightly, a clear indication that he had no idea where the photos originally came from or how Winwin tied into any of this at all.

"What?!” Now your roles were reversed. Kun was now fuming and you were very confused. “Did you follow me on my trip?! You're the one who sent me on the trip!'

But you quickly switched back to being livid. "He sent you?" Winwin flinched at your tone and did his best to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room.

"Order, order!” The judge banged his gavel once again. “Mr. Dong please explain the statement Dr. Qian just made."

Winwin took a deep breath and turned to face you. When he picked up his head to look at you, his guilt filled eyes locked with yours and you suddenly found it slightly difficult to breathe. "Well your honor I am a travel agent,” he began without breaking your gaze. “But I noticed for a long time that there was a disharmony in their relationship, and I figured a bit of separation would do them some good.” Winwin had noticed? You had thought you were doing so well to conceal how unhappy you were in your relationship with Kun. You had even convinced yourself that it would work out and Kun showed no signs of his discontent either. How could Winwin have seen through the both of you so easily?

“I gifted Kun with an all expenses paid vacation and conspired with him to lie about it being a conference trip, but I didn't encourage him to cheat. Kun did instruct me to keep an eye out on Y/N, but of course I'm not going to babysit a grown woman.” Winwin paused for a moment, letting everything sink in before hitting you with the rest of his shocking testimony. “But I...I hired someone to keep an eye on Kun because I knew he would go over there and do something dumb like this, and also in hopes of catching him in the act to help break the two of them up, since neither unhappy party could do it themselves.”

"But you're my friend!” Kun exclaimed angrily. “You barely know her!"

Winwin winced but never broke eye contact with you. "The two years I've known her was enough to create a solid relationship. And just because the two of you broke up doesn't mean I have to end our friendship as well. I know it was selfish on my part but it needed to be done." He paused in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "I truly care for Y/N. Because she's a very important woman in my life. And I hated to see her in such an unhealthy and forced relationship whether she wanted to admit it or not. I hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me. And if she doesn't, then that's something for us to sort out later in private."

You forcefully broke eye contact with him, no longer able to look at the painful sadness deep within them. This whole situation was beginning to make your head hurt. Your heart was pounding in your ears and you placed your hand on your heaving chest as you tried to come to terms with the possibility of Dong Sicheng being secretly in love with you. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? How long had he felt this way towards you? Why was it so hard to fucking breathe?!

Kun’s eyes narrowed in contempt at the back of Winwin’s head. "Did you sleep with her, too?"

"Your honor!" you half screeched with enough force to cause you to lose your balance. Doyoung was quick to catch your arm and stabilize you, but you quickly took your arm back from him, not wanting to be touched in such a distressed state. Doyoung also took notice of your flushed cheeks, his brows knitting together in concern at your labored breathing, but the banging of the judges gavel and the barking of his name ripped his attention away from you.

"Order, I say! Mr. Kim! Is it true that Mr. Dong gave you these photos?"

You saw Doyoung take a deep breath and honed in on the way his Adam’s Apple bobbed up and down in a double swallow, a tell that only you knew he did when he was about to tell a lie. "Yes, your honor."

"Very well then. It seems as though you do not have a case here, Dr. Qian. Not only are you not actually emotionally affected by Ms. Y/L/N’s actions, it has been revealed that both of you were actively disloyal in your relationship. Since this was merely a pointing fingers case, I have no choice but to rule in the favor of the defendant.” The judge banged his gavel for the last time. “Court adjourned,” he said and began rising from his seat but stopped his action midway. “Oh, and Mr. Dong. You need to be more honest with your friends.'' With that the judge continued with making his exit.

Kun stepped away from his podium to confront Winwin about what he had done, the latter trying his best to escape the courtroom. You yourself needed more clarification on the matter and wanted to speak with him as well, but as soon as you took one step away from your podium a wave of dizziness hit you and you found yourself falling forward.

“Y/N!” Doyoung called your name urgently as he caught you once again, and as soon as your forehead fell against his chest, he felt how sweaty you were through the fabric of his dress shirt. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at you and each of their faces flashed with worry once they laid eyes on the scene. “Are you feeling okay?” asked Doyoung as he tried to right your stance. But you didn’t have the strength to hold yourself up and continued to grip onto Doyoung’s suit jacket for support. “Y/N, can you breathe?”

You shook your head in dismissal. You wanted to tell him you were just a bit worked up and the feeling would pass, but your baby was kicking up a storm inside your belly. So with your fuzzy mind focusing on that sensation, the only statement that escape or lips was a breathy, “My baby…”

“Is everything alright?” called the judge.

“No. I believe Ms. Y/L/N needs to be taken to a hospital,” said Doyoung imperatively.

“No..I don’t..” you pleaded with a whisper but you were convincing no one with the way you still clung to the other attorney.

“I’ll call an ambulance,” said the court officer and he readied to take his phone from his belt.

“No, I’ll take her. It’ll be faster,” said Doyoung. “Is there a wheelchair available?”

“I’m fine,” you said sternly after managing to pick your head up. While holding onto him you were able to catch your breath and stabilize your breathing. Your baby was still doing a dance inside you, but the pounding inside your head was also beginning to subside. "Whatever it was passed." You released your grip on his jacket and started to move away from him, but you misstepped and stumbled a ways backwards. And Doyoung was right there to catch you once more, this time by the wrist.

"No, you're not and it didn't," he said authoritatively. "I'm taking you to an emergency clinic."

Ugh, no. Not again. "Doyoung, I don't-"

His eyes narrowed slightly. "You may feel fine, but think about the baby, Y/N." He kept his hold on your wrist as the two of you had a stare down in the middle of the courtroom. You knew you should go. You just didn't like the fact that it was Doyoung telling you to do it.

"Ms. Y/L/N, please let Mr. Kim take you to the emergency clinic," ordered the judge. "Or I'll fine you in contempt of court."

You rolled your eyes at the judge and let your arm go limp in Doyoung's hand. "Okay. Take me. But I can walk."

The ride on the way to the emergency clinic was mostly silent. He wasn't sure where he stood with you at the moment. Yes, he was taking you there, but any decent person would do that for a pregnant woman in distress. Even if he did provide you with the evidence to win against Kun, he was pretty sure that you still hated him, especially with the way he had originally given you said evidence. It wasn't exactly one of his most thought out decisions, but he rarely thought anything completely through when it came to you (unless it had to do with work). He did it with semi-good intentions. And he wanted to ask you if you had taken any more steps in finding out who the license plate number he wrote down belonged to. But that didn't matter anymore. Winwin had already confessed to orchestrating the photos. Besides, he didn't want to add on to your already high levels of stress.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw you fan yourself with your hand, then mentally kicked himself for not automatically blasting the AC for you. "I'm sorry," he said, breaking the silence. Slightly startled by his sudden apology, you turned your head to see him moving his hand towards his control panel and lower the temperature on the passenger side of the car. "You should have said it was too warm."

"Ah, no. I'm fine," you said and waved a hand dismissively. "It was just another mini hot flash. It'll pass soon."

"Oh, okay," he responded without looking at you and continued to focus on where he was going.

Oof, it was so awkward. Like Doyoung, you also didn't know where the two of you stood anymore. You still hated him, but you hated him a lot less? Or maybe you didn't care to hate him as much anymore? You didn't care about anything anymore at this point. You were just done with everything that was going on in your life and only wanted to focus on having your baby and taking care of her with your new fiancé.

You looked down at your belly and smiled to yourself at the thought of being engaged to quite possibly the man of your dreams. Not even Doyoung, Kun, or Winwin could ruin how happy you were with your life right now. Placing your left hand on your stomach, you rubbed it up and down against it, liking the way the ring looked on your finger in contrast to the color of your dress.

As you were lost in your thoughts, Doyoung heard you sigh in contentment and quickly glanced over to see you rubbing your belly. His shoulders relaxed at knowing you had come completely down from being so worked up in the courtroom earlier, but then he immediately tensed back up again when your hand moved through a patch of sunlight and your ring glimmered as it passed through the rays. With clenched teeth, his hands gripped the steering wheel as he tried to quietly even out his breath. He didn't have to do much thinking as to who gave it to you. He could tell by the extravagance of the ring that only one person could afford it. Besides, it was obvious who you were going to choose from the start--anyone but him. And it was entirely his fault.

Doyoung pulled into a parking spot in front of the emergency clinic, then quickly got out of the car to open your door for you and helped you out. Once you were steady on your feet, he kept his grip on your hand, closed the door to his car and led you to the entrance of the clinic. "Watch your step," he prompted you when you made it to the door and opened it.

"Thank you, Doyoung. But I can take it from here." This time he let you pull your hand away from him, but not without some noticeable hesitation.

"Are you sure?" he asked you knowing full well that you could handle everything on your own. But he was coming to terms with his loss, and wanted to hold on for just a little bit longer.

You tried to gauge whether or not he was truly concerned about you and your baby, but you couldn't get a clear read on his facial expression. "Yes. I'm fine."

Doyoung sighed before placing his hand in the middle of your back and started pushing you the rest of the way through the door. "If you were fine, then we wouldn't be here."

"No, really," you pleaded as he guided you the rest of the way to the check-in counter. "You don't have to stay."

Once at the counter, Doyoung quickly told the woman at the desk about what happened to you earlier, listed your symptoms, and told her that you were not fine no matter how many times you told him that you were. You were half-surprised about how much he knew about possible pregnancy complications, but this was Mr. Walking Textbook after all. The woman agreed with him of course and you rolled your eyes at them both before she handed you a clipboard with your information already filled out for you to review. This was your third visit to this particular emergency clinic in the past year. Maybe they would give you a lollipop prize this time.

Doyoung sat across from you in the lobby as you waited for a nurse to retrieve you. He was trying his best to occupy himself with one of the magazines provided, but you knew he wasn't actually absorbing anything he was looking at. You knew he was just being his annoyingly thorough self and wanted to make sure you and the baby were absolutely fine. But the whole situation was weird, and at some point you truly just wanted him to leave. The awkwardness of it all was beginning to get under your skin.

You pulled out your phone to distract yourself by texting Mark about what happened, but decided against it since you had been worrying him sick already for the past six months. You texted Jaehyun instead. Soon he would be legally obligated to worry about you and you needed to get out of the habit of relying on your little brother for everything ASAP. You reluctantly texted Ten as well, not really wanting to get chewed out by him but knew it was necessary. He would find out sooner or later from the clinic you were in, anyway. You knew he wasn’t going to answer you until a few hours later, and when he finally did he told you he was going to personally tie you up himself and lock you in your bedroom until your due date.

Jaehyun texted you back fairly quickly despite his busy schedule. He told you he was on his way despite you telling him that you were okay and that he didn’t have to drop everything to be with you. Why were all the men in your life so annoying and/or overprotective of you? However, you did have a feeling once the baby was born, they would all stop caring about you and devote all their attention to her. Maybe then you’d finally have a break.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” the nurse called you to go into an examination room.

Upon hearing your name, you stood up from your seat with a little bit of difficulty, but was steadied on your feet by Doyoung, who you hadn’t even seen stand up. “Make sure you tell them everything,” he advised you before letting go of your arm.

You rolled your eyes again. “Yes, mother,” you said sarcastically under your breath, causing a very faint smile to appear on Doyoung’s face.

The nurse studied your interaction with each other then her eyes scanned down to the ring on your finger, and you saw them flicker with misunderstanding. “Remember, you can go with her to the examination room if you want—” she tried to assure him, but you cut her off when you saw where her gaze remained.

“That won’t be necessary,” you said and began walking yourself through the hallway. “I’ve already notified someone else to accompany me.”

“Oh, um. Okay.” Before leading you, the nurse gave one last wary glance at Doyoung, whose face was once more devoid of emotion while his eyes told another story.

In the examination room the nurse performed the routine of asking for your medical history, taking your blood pressure and checking your vitals, then the doctor came in shortly thereafter. “Well if it isn’t you again,” the doctor said cheerily as he walked through the door. He must have been having a good day. There weren't many people waiting in the lobby, so you figured he was happy about his light workload. “Oh, my. You’re about ready to pop, aren't you?” You recognized him as the young Dr. Huang Renjun who first diagnosed your pregnancy six months ago. At least you didn't have to deal with anyone new that day.

“In a few weeks, yes,” you answered him concisely, not really in the mood for small talk and just wanted to go home and take a nap.

“That’s wonderful,” he said genuinely then put his pen behind his ear. “But what isn’t wonderful is you stressing yourself out and developing high blood pressure, ma’am.” His expression turned serious and you could hear the disapproval in his voice. “I’m sure you’re aware of the complications hypertension could cause for both you and your child, hm?”

You sighed. “Yes.”

“I know you were probably hoping that nothing major had happened to you today and you would just be told to rest at home, but unfortunately we will have to run more tests on you and conduct an ultrasound to check on your baby.” He turned to the nurse and told her what tests to prepare for and she nodded and left the room.

You groaned to yourself and combed your hair away from your face with your left hand. You were so sick of ultrasounds. You were so sick of hospitals. But everything happening to you was your fault, so you really didn’t have a right to complain.

Dr. Renjun caught the twinkle of the giant rock on your finger when you moved and his cheerful demeanor returned after he was done gawking at the size of your diamond. “I see you have gotten engaged since we last met. Congratulations!”

A bit taken aback, you smiled somewhat shyly and covered the ring with your other hand. You weren’t used to being engaged, having only been so for little over a week. And since no one else knew about it, it was a little shocking when strangers noticed. “Thank you.”

“Would you like for us to inform your companion about the next steps, or for him to come in here with you?” he asked you.

“That won’t be necessary,” you repeated the words you told the nurse earlier. You didn’t expect Doyoung to still be waiting in the lobby anyway.

Dr. Renjun’s lips pursed in thought. “Hmm. He didn’t come in with you last time either. Is he not your fiancé? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

Wait what? Last time? Dr. Renjun had an incredible memory to know such a random detail about a patient he had only seen once over half a year ago. However, your memory from the last visit to the emergency clinic was hazy since you were passed out for most of it, and the announcement of your life changing news kind of overpowered everything else. You vividly remembered Kun fainting, but you had no idea who had taken you to the clinic in the first place. Doyoung wasn’t the first person on your list of possibilities.

“No, he isn’t,” you answered him still somewhat in a shocked state.

Seeing the surprise evident on your face, the young doctor couldn’t help himself but to know more. “Then can I assume it was your boyfriend? The man that fainted when I broke the news? Have the two of you worked things out?”

You visibly winced at the mention of Kun, causing the doctor to tense up. “No, we didn’t. He’s actually the reason I’m here.” He relaxed a bit when you continued to speak, grateful he hadn’t overstepped, but his interest was piqued higher now, and also with a bit of concern. “He tried to sue me. I came here from the trial.”

“Yeesh,” the doctor efficiently articulated how you were sure everyone looking in from the outside felt about your situation.

“Tell me about it,” you said chuckling to yourself. “And the guy that brought me here could be my baby's father.” Dr. Renjun raised an eyebrow, but didn’t respond as you continued speaking. “As well as my fiancé...and some other guys.” You weren’t sure why you were telling him all of this, especially since you were a very private person. Perhaps you simply needed a new outlet and an unbiased take on the matter.

Dr. Renjun nodded and you half expected him to say ‘yeesh’ again, but instead he continued to be upbeat. “Well it seems everything has worked out for you in the end,” he said with a smile. “But they won’t stay that way if you don’t start taking better care of yourself,” he scolded you as he went back into doctor mode. “We haven’t conducted the tests yet, but I’m telling you now I’m prescribing that you go on bed rest for the duration of this pregnancy. I'm sure your OBGYN will say the same thing. And speaking of tests…” The doctor looked around the examination room in confusion before looking back at you on the bed. “Where is my nurse? She never came back!”

The young doctor pulled back the curtain to search for his nurse and saw her as well as a few other nurses dilly dallying in the hallway and gawking at something going on by the front desk. But soon the object of everyone’s infatuation almost knocked Dr. Renjun to the floor in its haste to see the very pregnant lady he had just been speaking to about her boy problems.

“Y/N! Are you okay? What did the doctor say? Where are they?” Jaehyun cupped your face in his hands and gazed worriedly into your eyes.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. I told you I was fine,” you reassured him and removed his hands from your face. “And the doctor was the man you almost trampled when you ran in here.” You gestured towards Dr. Renjun who was staring at Jaehyun like he was a ghost. The young doctor knew exactly why Kun had tried to sue you now.

“Y-You’re…” Dr. Renjun had barely managed to form words when Jaehyun turned to face him. His wide eyes slid over to look at you and you gave him a smile and a shrug as confirmation to his silent question. He cleared his throat and adjusted the clipboard in his hands. “You must be the fiancé. I’m Dr. Renjun. Pleased to meet you.”

Jaehyun first looked at you confused as to why this stranger knew your secret, then he looked back to the young doctor, a bit skeptical of his age and the legitimacy of his credentials. “And you as well. What’s going on now, doctor?”

“She presented with high blood pressure, and we were about to run more tests. Please wait a moment while I retrieve the nurse.” Dr. Renjun said then all but ran out of the examination room.

“What are you doing?” You yanked him by his sleeve closer to you so you wouldn’t have to talk too loudly.

“I told you I was coming.”

“No, I meant what are you doing without wearing a disguise?"

"I didn't have time to think about all of that."

"Did you at least have sunglasses on before you barged in here?"

"That's not important right now."

"We can't be seen leaving here together. Are you out of your mind?"

"Chill, Y/N. He literally just said you have high blood pressure. Calm down. They have a back door we can use." But his dumbass still walked through the front!

"Did anyone in the lobby recognize you? Was--" You were about to ask him if Doyoung was still there waiting, but decided not to at the last second. You didn't want to complicate things any more than they already were. "You're sure everything is fine?"

"No, everything isn't fine. You're sitting in a hospital bed instead of safe and sound in mine."

You cringed and had butterflies at the same time. "Ew, please stop talking. And I want to go home after all of this. I'll be the most comfortable there."

Jaehyun sighed as he played with your fingers. He knew you didn't plan on officially moving in with him until after the baby was born, but it didn't stop him from trying to persuade you whenever he could. "Fine. If that's what you want."

Dr. Renjun came back with the nurse and they managed to properly administer the tests whilst being starstruck in your fiancé's presence. Nothing out of the ordinary could be seen during the ultrasound and your baby was doing just fine. However, you were still prescribed bed rest and told to take it easy.

Once you were back at home, Jaehyun couldn't stay like he wanted to and was only able to walk you to the door. His assistant was blowing up his phone and he couldn't ignore him or the rest of his responsibilities any longer, so he said his goodbyes and ripped himself away from you. You stayed in bed like you were told and fell asleep while watching an afternoon game show until your bladder woke you up a few hours later.

After you did your business in the bathroom, you began your waddle back to your bed, but as soon as you placed your hand to pull back the covers, your doorbell rang. You huffed then called out for your brother to answer the door, but received no response. Then you remembered he had a date planned with his girlfriend and probably left home while you were asleep a long time ago. The doorbell rang again and you begrudgingly waddled your way to the intercom, only to see Yuta standing on the other side of the camera.

”Yuta? What are you doing here?” you asked him after you cracked the door open just enough to reveal your face.

“A little birdie told me that you went to the emergency room today. So I thought I’d come by and bring you some food to eat." He held up two plastic bags filled with to-go containers in each hand. "Get your spirits up," he said and tried to push the rest of your door open with his foot, but you blocked his way from entering your apartment. The only people that knew you went to the clinic were Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Ten, none of which were anywhere near being pals with Yuta. So him finding out any other way was very concerning.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “A little birdie?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you know. Tweet tweet,” he said flatly with no change in his voice. It was the manliest bird sound you had ever heard.

“Yuta.” You pushed the door on his foot between it and the door frame. You weren't letting him in without a proper explanation.

“Ugh, okay! My kid and I were walking into the pediatric emergency room on the other side of the building and I saw you and Jaehyun walking out the back entrance from across the way," he said and wiggled his foot out of capture. "He’s really trying to be your first choice, yeah?”

Alarmed by what just so casually came out of his mouth (and completely ignoring his second statement), you let Yuta slide past you into your home with his bags of comfort food. “Oh my gosh! What happened? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, yeah he’s fine. He got into a scuffle at the soccer game. He was already missing his top two front teeth, but now he's missing the two on the sides of those." He ripped open the bag of food and began arranging the to-go boxes on your kitchen counter. "And he has a concussion thanks to my client’s son--who I’m beginning to suspect is not the age everyone thinks he is. That kid is huge! Are you interested in a new client? Because I’m about to drop this douchebag.”

“Oh no, Yuta! I’m sure it was an accident," you said doing your best to situate yourself on one of your bar stools. "And no, I don’t need another client. I'll be up to my neck in work once I come back from being on maternity leave. Wait a minute...why are you here and not at home with your son?!”

Yuta began opening the second bag. “Relax, relax. He’s with my parents. I had to go to the office and grab some files really quick since I have to work from home for a few days now to stay with him. I grabbed food right after and thought I’d swing by and bring some for you, too. Because I'm the best person ever."

“Our work never ceases, does it? I appreciate you thinking about me.” You opened one of the containers and was delighted to see an assortment of your favorite buffet foods. All those lunch dates with Yuta had paid off. He knew exactly what to pile up into the cartons. “Yuta, you really are the best. Thank you!”

“No problem, baby cakes" He picked one of the plastic forks and began stuffing his face whilst still standing next to you. "So, the rabbit sent you to the ER for the second time, huh? What the hell is he doing to people in the courtroom?"

You sighed and you pierced multiple pieces of food onto your fork. "It wasn't him. There was a lot more information that was revealed about the case and I guess...my heart couldn't take it in the literal sense."

Yuta almost choked on his food, not having expected you to say something as drastic as that. "Are you serious? What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine now, It was just that everything that happened today was the final straw in making my blood pressure go up. Now I'm on lock down.”

"Damn. That sucks," he said between mouthfuls. "It sounds like it was a real mess."

"Hm, yes. It was a sight to see." You took a bite of your food. "Until, you know, my heart started beating out of sync and I couldn't really breathe." You took a moment to chew your food and swallow. "All of you guys are driving me nuts."

"Hey, you just said I'm your favorite." You definitely hadn't said that, but you didn't want to stop him from bringing you food again, so you let him believe whatever he wanted. "And since I'm the favorite, I have something I want to ask of you.”

“Anything for my favorite food delivery man.”

Yuta licked some sauce off his fork. “I’m thinking about asking your friend on a date."

You ungracefully dropped the food you had scooped onto your fork. "Huh?"

"The pretty one that was the hostess at your baby shower. Y’know, Y/BFF/N. Can you give me her number please? I also wanted to get your input on what restaurant I should take her to. She’s a pâtissière so I don’t want to insult her palette.” You weren't expecting him to ask you this of all things! You thought he was going to ask you to babysit his son, not be his wingwoman!

“My best friend? Yuta, sweetie, please.” He couldn't be serious. And did he not think about how incredibly awkward it would be if your daughter turned out to be his? You laughed at the thought and absentmindedly popped a spring roll into your mouth with your left hand, unaware that you just flashed him your shiny secret.

Immediately, Yuta's eyes narrowed slightly when he noticed the ring, but pretended not to see it as something clicked inside his head. “Please what? Is there something wrong with her?”

“No! Of course not," you quickly corrected. "She’s fine."

“Why can’t I see her then?” He placed his hands on his hips and you couldn't overlook the rigid state of his body.

“It’s not...that you can’t see her. I just know you, Yuta. And...I don’t want her to get hurt.” You knew how it must have sounded to him, but you didn't know how else to explain it.

Of course he took offense, and now he was ticked off. “Why would I hurt her?”

You took a deep breath, not really wanting to have to spell it out for him. “You’re a player. A womanizer. She's not the type you can mess around with. She needs someone who's serious and you don’t know how to settle down.”

Yuta scoffed. “I don’t know how to settle--I’m divorced remember.”

“Yeah, but--“

“But what, Y/N? You think I was the reason it didn't work out, right?"

"That's not--"

"You think I went into my marriage without any feelings? You think I was just playing around and chose to get my heart broken? Do you honestly think I would voluntarily go through that shit again with somebody else?"

You sat there speechless, stunned by such a visceral reaction you never expected to come from your coworker. The two of you used to talk about how he messed around all the time and how it would be a while until he would want to be in a real relationship again, but it never elicited this kind of reaction from him. Was he actually serious about dating your best friend? Or was it something else you said that had set him off?

"I tried to make it work," Yuta continued. "Not just for me, but for my son, too. I stayed in that loveless marriage as long as I did all for my son’s sake. But it got to the point where I was tired of being emotionally manipulated. It was so bad I had to seek professional help. You didn’t know that, did you?"

“No…,” you said guiltily and casted your gaze to the floor.

“And you never thought to ask either. You never once asked how the divorce affected me or how I was feeling. You just assumed I was a terrible excuse for a man." Your head popped back up and you vigorously shook your head to let him know that wasn't true, but he continued talking and didn't give you a chance to speak. "Yes, I sleep around, but according to my therapist I’m trying to fill a void. I was treated so badly by my ex-wife I seek out different people to sleep with to feel something, anything." He looked directly into your eyes and for the first time you had seen the ostensible melancholy he had tried so hard to mask behind his carefree exterior. "I was numb, Y/N. I was seeking purpose."

"Yuta, I...I'm sorry," you apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you."

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Yeah, I know. It's just…after watching you go through all this shit with your baby, I realized I needed to change my ways. Not only in the event that she's mine, but to be a better example to my son, too. I'm serious about this, Y/N. I'm willing to commit to the baby. To you. To us. In whatever capacity that may be. Whether that be a co-parent or a friend. However you choose to use me.”

Now it was your turn for your eyes to narrow. Everything Yuta had said was reassuring to you until his last sentence. You didn't like the idea of what he was insinuating. “What do you mean by 'use you?'”

Yuta smirked now that he was the one to get under your skin. “I’m not stupid, Y/N. I know I’m not your top choice in being your child's father. And I damn sure know I’m not in the running to be entrusted with your heart.”

“Yuta, that’s not true."

“Don’t lie. I see the way you look at the other guys. Jaehyun specifically. Everyone else never had a chance. And what fucking sucks is that you continue to keep all of us on a string. If we stray away, then you can pull us right back in. And you absolutely thrive on that shit.”

“No I don’t!” You rolled your flannel sleeve down your arm in attempts to hide your engagement ring, but your efforts were in vain. He had already seen it.

“But you do! Look at what you're doing right now! I'm not fucking blind!" He gestured his hand towards what you were doing with your sleeve causing you to freeze like a guilty deer in headlights. "You love this attention. That’s why you slept with all of us in a span of two weeks. Because you weren't getting enough attention from that poor guy you cheated on. But the really messed up thing about you is that once you're done with being scared of finding out who the father is and you read the results, if it's someone you don't want, or if it doesn't work out with your first guy of choice, then you have the rest of us on standby to maybe fall back on. And that's also the reason why you don’t want me to go after your friend. Speaking of which I don’t need your permission to do so, by the way because I already have her number. I just thought it would be polite to ask you first. But everything I said before that is why I hate you giving me shit for being a player when you’re absolutely doing the exact same thing.”

“Yuta…It's not like that…" No. Everything he had said was the truth. You didn't want to believe him. You didn't want it to be true.

“It is. And if I didn’t truly care about you, then I wouldn’t be telling you about yourself right now." He braced his arms against the counter and let his head hang down between them. "That’s what a friend is supposed to do.”

You covered your face with your hands and slowly dragged them downwards as you tried to steady your breathing. You couldn't risk taking another trip to the hospital, but fortunately you had a pamphlet to aid you in this situation. How did a nice gesture of hand delivering food turn into an emotional rollercoaster of repressed feelings and self-realization. How did you always end up hurting the men you were involved with?

“You can’t have all of us, Y/N," Yuta said as he lifted his head back up to look at you. "You can only have one.”

You remained silent. You often forget how smart Yuta was with the way he usually presented himself. He was very perceptive and his assumptions about you were spot on. He laid it out ever so clearly that it was time for you to self-reflect and do something about your actions. But you had already made your choice. You chose to spend the rest of your life with Jaehyun before even looking at the results of the paternity test. You didn't need to hold on to any of the other guys anymore. So why couldn't you let them go already?

“I'm sorry I upset you in your current condition," Yuta said, cutting the silence. "I’ll make my exit.”

He pushed himself off of the counter and made his way to the door. But as you watched his retreating figure something inside you tugged hard on your heart strings. “Yuta, wait." He stopped walking to listen, but didn't turn around to face you. "You are up there. I’d give you my heart if it came down to it.”

Yuta let out a sardonic laugh. “If it came down to it? Listen to yourself. This is exactly what I was talking about.”

You had to bite your tongue. Maybe you should have left it alone and not said anything else. But you did love him, strictly speaking. He was always a good friend to you and you valued his honesty. Under different circumstances, maybe the two of you could have become something more. That's why you didn't want to let go. He was absolutely right after all. You didn't want to let go of any future possibilities.

“What’s going on here?” asked Mark cutting through the heavy air between you and Yuta. You hadn’t even noticed his arrival into your apartment.

“Nothing. I‘m letting myself out.” Yuta patted Mark on his back before making the rest of his way to the door.

After the soft clicks of your automatic lock, Mark sat down next to you at the counter without saying a word, helping himself to the unfinished food in the containers abandoned by you and Yuta. After what felt like several moments you put your elbow onto the counter and rested your head in your hand. “You’re not going to ask what happened?” you went ahead and asked him.

Mark fidgeted in his seat. “No... I mean I heard most of it outside.”

“Great," you said sarcastically. At least you didn't have to fill him in on what was said now.

“And I agree with Yuta. You can’t have them all. You only have two options, really.”

“Only two options?” You turned your head, a puzzled expression on your face. You had yet to share your news with Mark or the rest of your family. Both you and Jaehyun had mutually decided to hold off on telling anyone so the two of you could experience it before everyone bombarded you with questions about the when and where of your wedding. It wouldn't be for you and Jaehyun to enjoy anymore. So like you did with Yuta, you decided to just listen to what your brother had to say. That was also another reason why you waited to share the news. Everyone was going to have something to say.

“Yeah. Option one is choosing none of them, which I believe you forget you even have that option of doing.” You rolled your eyes while straightening up in your seat. “And option two is to pick only one of your fellows regardless if they share the same DNA with my niece or not.”

“Well, baby brother. Since I’m oh-so struggling to choose, whose team are you on?“

“I’m actually team none of them. They all suck. Move on and let them all go.” That was unexpected.

“Woah, that’s how you’re feeling now?”

“Think about it. You already put Taeyong in his place at the shower. Johnny had already put himself in a place since he's still with his girlfriend. Taeil is having mad mood swings. And Yuta may have just put you in the friend zone.”

You visibly frowned at his last statement. “And the others?”

“I think Doyoung has learned his lesson and turned a new leaf, but you wouldn’t know because you keep dodging him.”

“And for good reason. You do remember what he put me through, right?"

"Yeah, I still don't like him."

You rolled your eyes. "But you like Jaehyun. You’ve been rooting for us this whole time.”

Mark hesitated and focused all of his attention on picking up another piece of food. “I’m allowed to change my opinion.”

“Yes, you are…" Something wasn't right about the way your brother was acting. "Mark, what's wrong?” He took a deep breath and fidgeted in his seat some more before absentmindedly pulling your arm to hold your hand. Unfortunately, it was the one with the giant rock on it. “Speak!”

“I was arrested tonight,” he blurted.

You blinked slowly as you processed the words that came out of your brother's mouth. You could feel your pulse quickening in your veins. “What? Why? Why didn’t you call me?! Mark, what the hell?!”

“Y/N, calm down and let me explain. I was in Taeil's car and I was pulled over by two cops because I didn’t have the headlights on.”

“A lack of headlights shouldn’t cause you to get arrested! Who were the officers? I’m going to give the police station a very stern phone call!”

“Y/N, wait. The headlights not being on was just the icing on the cake to a car that had been reported stolen.”

With your increasing confusion, your entire face morphed into an expression that was almost cartoonish. “Reported stolen? That doesn’t make any sense. Why would his car be reported stolen if he let you borrow it?”

Mark hesitated once again, still attempting to tip toe through this entire conversation. “Because the car technically doesn’t belong to him...It belongs to Jaehyun.”

You were rendered speechless.

“And from the looks of things, you belong to him now, too.” You followed Mark’s gaze to the ring on your finger then pulled your hand away from him.

”I don’t belong to anyone,” you said slightly offended.

Mark stood up and began to pace in the space in front of you. “How much do you really even know about Jaehyun, Y/N? Sure, he’s your client and all but did you actually get to know him personally to see what type of person he was before you let him stick it--“

“Mark!” You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Sorry! I just...My head is so messed up right now. Why is Taeil’s car in Jaehyun’s name? Why was the car reported stolen? And why did that guy come to my rescue and not Jaehyun?”

“Guy? What guy?”

“This guy that looked about my age with pushed back black hair, rectangular glasses, and when he smiled his eyes turned into crescents. He was really friendly and all that, but I was so frazzled from being arrested I didn’t catch his name when he introduced himself to me.”

You mulled over the description and could only think of one person in relation to Jaehyun. “Jeno? If so, that’s Jaehyun’s assistant.”

“I must have missed that part, too.”

“Jaehyun tends to send Jeno a lot of places on his behalf. That’s not unusual, Mark.”

“Okay. But he could have at least come to save his future brother-in-law in person.”

“Don’t take it personally. I was with him earlier. He was very busy today, hence why Jeno was probably sent. You’re thinking too hard.“

“And you’re not thinking hard enough! You mean to tell me Jaehyun didn’t know his own cousin had his car this whole time, let alone let me borrow it constantly? Make it make sense, Y/N!

“Mark--“

“And why did Jeno, IF that is his real name, know to bring me here? Has he been to your condo before?”

“Not physically, no. Jeno knows—“

“Everything, clearly!”

You hobbled off of the bar stool to go strangle your brother into calming down. “Mark, let's be grateful the situation didn’t escalate into something worse. Jaehyun cleared it up with the police and Jeno brought you home to me in one piece. I’ll call Jaehyun and we can have all this sorted out so both you and I can have peace of mind.”

“But, Y/N--“

“Mark, please. My key is on the table by the door. Take them and go back on your date. I'm sure your girlfriend is worried about you.”

“How the hell do you expect me to just go on like all of this didn't just happen?” Your brother protested.

"Don't worry yourself with my problems. Go live your life," you begged him and started pushing him towards the door.

"Alright, alright! I'll go. Let me go take a leak first." Mark reached into his pockets then pulled out his wallet and phone. He tossed them onto the counter, but before the items landed, pieces of paper folded together flew out and slid underneath the refrigerator.

“Hey, Mark, wait. You dropped something. It went under the fridge,” you told him and pointed in that direction.

He went to retrieve the pieces of paper thinking they were receipts that fell out of his wallet, but once he picked them up and felt the thickness of the parchments he knew otherwise. Curious, he unfolded them, and immediately frowned upon seeing what was printed on them.

"What now?" you asked him, not in the mood for anymore surprises for the day.

“They're photos," he said and began looking at them one by one.

“Of what?”

“One of Yuta," he started, but paused to look up at you. "In the same outfit he had on a minute ago."

"What?"

He looked back down at the pictures in his hands. "And one of Hendery your doorman. And one of...you and Doyoung at the ER? You went to the ER today?!”

“Let me see those.”

You walked over to him and took the photos from his hands. You fully took in the picture of Doyoung dressed in his lucky suit walking you into the emergency clinic, the fuzzy image of Yuta in his son’s soccer team branded T-shirt getting out of his car at the same clinic, and sure enough, the third picture was your character of a doorman walking your handbag to the elevator. But rather than the blatant and disturbing breech of your privacy, what stood out to you the most was the watermark located at the very bottom of the photo next to the timestamp.

Y!Y.

“Go into my bedroom and pull out the yellow envelope from under my mattress,” you instructed your brother.

Although perturbed, Mark acted without hesitation and did as he was told. When he returned, you dumped the contents of the envelope onto the counter. “What’s all this?” he asked and picked up one of the new pictures.

“Doyoung’s baby shower gift.” You decided to leave out the part about Winwin having them taken. You didn’t want to override your brother's brain with anymore new shocking information. “Take a look at these photos and tell me what you see in common?”

“Woah, Kun moved on fast!”

“That was taken when he was sosay on his conference trip. I confronted him about that today during the trial.”

“Kun's trial was today?!”

“Mark, focus!”

“Okay, okay. Yeah. The watermark symbol is the same. Are they letters or numbers? Looks like two Y's, maybe? Or an inverted tree?”

“Where did you get these from?”

Mark gawked at you in offense. “I’ve never seen these before! Why would I have secret photos of you and the men you’ve slept with?”

Something in that last sentence lit a light bulb inside your mind. “Say that again.”

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that," he frantically tried to apologize.

"No, but you're right. These are all men I've had relations with."

Your brother's eyes almost fell out of his head. "You slept with Hendery, too?!

"Fuck no! He just talks to me often and probably got snapped because we're friendly towards one another." You looked back at the array of photos, switching into work mode as you tried to piece together the evidence. “Do you think these were in Taeil’s car?" you asked him. "Maybe you pulled them out from the glove compartment by accident when searching for the registration?”

“No. I’m in that car more than Taeil and I make sure it’s nice and tidy before I return it. I’ve cleaned that car multiple times to know those photos were not there. And remember it’s Jaehyun’s car.”

You rolled your eyes, but continued searching through various scenarios inside your head. Were these pictures planted on your brother? When would he have come into contact with anyone who could possibly have taken them? He'd only been to the police station since he had left your home. And how did this connect to what Winwin had said at the trial? Did he pay the same person to follow all of the other men you’d slept with? Just then, his guilty and sorrow filled eyes flashed across your mind. The look on his face when he stated his testimony, it was almost as if it pained him to say it. Like he was being forced to say it...

“Okay, then. What happened on the way from the police station? You got into Jeno’s car and then what?”

“I was still kind of freaking out so I don’t really remember.”

“Mark, I'm going to need you to tap into that short-term memory of yours. Try to remember.”

“Alright, umm. Well, I got into his black car, spacious interior, tan leather seats--“

“I know what the car looks like! Were there other things inside that you noticed? Was Jeno a little off or anything to you?”

“No, nothing really happened. I sat in the car and he just started driving me here. We didn’t talk much during the trip except the part where he said not to mention this to you right away because it might upset you and the baby.“

“He said that?”

“Yeah, but I guess that makes sense. Jaehyun probably told him about your ER visit. You know. The one you didn't even tell your own brother about!"

"I would have told you eventually."

"Yeah, right." Mark waved his hand dismissively. "But obviously I didn’t listen. Because you’re my sister and I don’t like keeping stuff from you, because I know if I did you’d kick my ass once you’d find out, and I--“

“Shut up. What else happened? What happened when you got here?”

Mark crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side as he shifted his weight on his feet. “Some asshole pulled out the gate right in front of us and Jeno slammed on the brakes." His head snapped up straight and grim realization washed over his face. "And you know I keep your gate key in my wallet? So when we jerked forward, my phone and wallet flew off my lap and landed on a bunch of papers he had thrown around on the floor of the car. I must have gotten the photos from his car when I picked up my stuff!”

So the pictures weren't planted on your brother, but did that mean they were planted on Jeno? Or was Jeno the person they belonged to? It made more sense for them to be planted considering who he was the assistant for. Jaehyun was likely to have more than a few paparazzi on his trail at any given moment, and you had been spending a lot of time in public with him recently. You were always paranoid about this happening with you and him one day. If Winwin originally hired this person to follow and take pictures of all the men in your life, and your secret relationship with Jaehyun was found out, was Y!Y now trying to use the photos as blackmail against Jaehyun? But that didn't explain why Jeno also had the pictures of Yuta and his son at the ER. And there was still the matter of Taeil's car being reported stolen.

Mark gripped his forearms and looked at you with scared eyes. "Y/N, I don't have a good feeling about any of this."

You didn't answer him and continued to stare at the watermark on one of the photos, still trying to recall where you may have seen it before. Sometimes your clients' cases require the use of private investigators, and you were sure you had never worked with this individual before. So if you hadn't seen the logo in one of your own cases, then it must have been in someone else's.

You picked up your phone off the counter and navigated to your contacts with lightning speed. As you tapped the name on the screen and put the phone to your ear, Mark restarted pacing in front of you.

The call was answered on the third ring. “—that her calling you?" asked a female voice in the background of the call.

"No, babe. It’s Yuta. He said he was gonna call me later about a case. I'll just be a minute.” You heard some ruffling and and a jingle of a bell before the sound of a door being closed. “Hi," he addressed you finally. "Thanks for saving me from picking out flowers. I didn’t expect to hear from you today. Everything cool? What’s up?”

Normally you would have commented on everything you just heard transpire on the line, but you were too focused on the task at hand to care about him lying to his girlfriend about who was calling him. “Hey, Johnny. A lot of your clients come to you with PI services already in motion or you hire them yourself. Does someone who uses two Y's with an exclamation point in the middle ring any bells? I feel like I’ve seen their work with some of your cases specifically.”

He went silent on the line as he tried to visualize the logo in his mind. “Oh, yeah! That’s Yangyang. He takes photos of all types of dirt these celebrities do just about anywhere on the planet. He’s multilingual, too, so he can get work almost anywhere. Why? Do you need him to spy on Jaehyun for you?" Johnny laughed after his joke, but you didn't find it funny in your current situation. "He won’t spy on any of us non-celebrity folks. There’s no money in that. Unless you're ready to spend the big bucks.”

His last statement made your skin crawl and you grabbed onto your brother's arm and pulled him towards you to use him as support and to make him stop moving. “No, I just came across his watermark in one of my clients' files and I got curious.”

“Yeah, that's him. He doesn’t do honest work, but he’s harmless.”

"John! Get back in here!" You heard the sound of the bell jingling and the door reopening before his girlfriend called him back into what you assumed was a flower shop.

“I gotta go," he said and hung up the phone before you could give him your thanks or tell him goodbye.

You slowly put down your phone then continued to stare into nothing as you sat in deep thought about the worst possible scenario you could think of.

"Sis?" Mark tried to get your attention. You had started squeezing his arm and your silence really worried him. "What did Johnny--"

“Mark," you said his name authoritatively, snapping your head to face him. "I need you to go poop or whatever it is you need to do, go on your date, and forget any of this happened.”

“Are you serious?" he asked and jerked his arm away from you. "How am I supposed to focus on my date, now? I got arrested for no reason tonight and you have someone fucking watching you, Y/N!” Your brother was at wits end and you felt so sorry for all the shit you were putting him through. This was the exact reason why you wanted him to just ignore everything.

“Look. Let me handle this. I don't want to get you involved anymore.”

“Your due date is around the corner and this could be dangerous! What can you possibly do now?”

“I can do whatever it is I need to do! Now please. Go be bothered with taking care of your girlfriend and making sure she's safe and happy or something.”

“Ugh, I can't believe this." Mark threw his arms in the air then turned to walk down the hallway towards the guest bedroom where he had been staying for the past few weeks. You heard the door slam behind him, then a muffled, angry, apology from him stating that he didn't mean to close it that hard.

You took a deep breath and picked up your phone again to dial another number. As it rang, you rested your elbows against the counter and closed your eyes while you took several more breaths waiting for the person who was taking forever to pick up.

“What," he answered curtly. He probably didn't want to answer you at all, but lost the battle with his conscience.

“Yuta," you tirelessly exhaled his name. "How far away are you?”

"...why?" He hesitated before asking because of the way you sounded, but he still had an edge to his voice.

“I know we parted ways on bad terms, but I really need your help right now.”

"What happened?" A majority of his animosity was replaced with concern. "You okay? Are you going into labor right now?"

"No, it's not that. I…I need you to come get me and take me to Jaehyun’s house."

“What the fuck?" You knew he'd react that way. Maybe it would have been better to lead in with your reasoning first.

"Yuta--"

"Are you really fucking asking me to--"

"No, listen! If you help me, I'll help woo my friend--"

"Oh, so I can date her only if I help you with some bullshit--"

"No! You can do whatever you want! You can date her and even marry for all I care," you pleaded with him. "Please, Yuta. This is really, really important.”

“Woah, now hold on." He wasn't expecting you to take it that far. And the fact that you did made him even more concerned. "You said the 'marry' word. This really is serious. What’s wrong?”

"I found out some things and I need some clarification. But I will fill you in on everything while you take me there. Please come back."

"Alright, but can’t pretty boy come get you himself? I refuse to be a personal chauffeur for a booty call. Plus, won’t that hurt the baby?”

You smiled to yourself and shook your head, glad to hear the he was back to his normal, silly self. But your smile quickly faded. “No, I’m trying to show up announced. I think...I think someone might be up to something.”

“Ooh, shit. Okay. I'm turning around now. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Upon ending the call, you heard Mark flush the toilet before he returned to the kitchen. Without looking at you, he angrily grabbed his wallet and phone off the counter and then walked to the small table by the front door to grab your car key. But before he walked out the door, he addressed you. "You better call me if something happens. Anything." And with that, your brother opened the door and begrudgingly left you and your mayhem to try and salvage the rest of his date night.

You stood there alone in your kitchen for the remainder of time until Yuta texted you of his arrival. You were confused, sad, and angry. But most of all you were afraid. You were afraid that your brief period of happiness was about to become tremendously harder to enjoy or worse--taken away from you all together. Absentmindedly, you nervously spun your engagement ring around your finger as you ran through all the possible scenarios in your mind for the umpteenth time. There was only one way to confirm any of the suspicions you now had. You just hoped that the one you feared the most wasn't the one to happen to be true.

For other chapters, see the masterlist.

Oof. Oop. 🤷🏽‍♀️

We know this is a lot to process, but we would love to have any feedback, comments, insights, whatever, We feel like y’all are gonna want to talk about this, lol.

- C&D

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thinfatfit · 4 years

Text

law school application tips (Ontario)

i got a lot of questions about law school apps so i thought i would make a post with general tips. i only applied to law schools in Ontario so that’s all i can speak to. these are just my opinions so don’t rely on them.

1. if you have a family connection who has a fancy law job but you haven’t worked/volunteered with them, do not ask them for a reference letter.

i’ve heard this happens and the reference letter will be like “i am a partner at X firm and i’ve been friends with X’s dad for X years and i can tell X would make a great lawyer”. it’s kind of like using your luck that you happen to know a lawyer, vs something you actually earned.

2. when you ask your profs for reference letters, ask them (in whatever polite way you can) if they’re going to write you a good reference letter.

you can say “hi prof x, i’m applying to law school bla bla need a reference letter bla bla would you be able to write me a strong reference letter?”. i’ve heard of ppl whose reference letters are like “this student was in my class. i did not know them outside of class. they were pleasant.” or some profs don’t have 100% good things to say, they’ll be like “i’ve known this student for 2 years. they’re strong academically but lack social skills.” this happens more than you think and since reference letters are confidential the students don’t know.

3. in your personal statement, explain every statement you make and give examples where you can. don’t assume the person reading your application “understands” what you mean.

this goes for explaining positive qualities but also for explaining hardships that affected your grades. a lot of students will say something like “my mom was sick during my 4th year so my grades suffered”. a better statement would be:

“my mom was sick during my 4th year, which caused my grades to suffer. her illness came with risks and i was very worried, which made it difficult to focus on my studies. i devoted a lot of time researching her illness to see if there was anything i could do. she was also having a hard time emotionally, so i dedicated a lot of time to doing activities with her to lift her spirits. because of this, i was not able to maintain the grades i normally do. she has now recovered (or if she hasn’t: i have now increased my coping skills etc) so this will not affect my performance in law school”.

4. answer the questions the application is asking you, but try not to make it too “list-y”. try to answer the question in kind of a personal narrative, instead of an x+y=z way.

5. if there are obvious weaknesses in your application, address them.

you don’t have to address every small thing, and pretty much everyone has a couple of low grades. but if you failed a class or had a whole bad semester, address it. the person reading your application will notice, and if you don’t address it then it will stand out as a minus against you. if you do address it they might understand and then it’s neither + or -.

6. if you mention a hardship that affected your performance in undergrad, explain why it won’t affect your performance in law school.

ex: i had undiagnosed and unmanaged ocd throughout undergrad, but have now received a diagnosis and it is being managed with the help of my family doctor and a therapist.

7. if you have a low lsat score, write the lsat again.

even if you get exactly the same score (which i did lol), it at least looks like you’re trying (but also don’t re-write if you think you’re gonna do worse lol). some admissions people get annoyed when an applicant had a low lsat score and had time to write again but didn’t. it kind of seems lazy.

8. academic reference letters are generally better than reference letters from employers.

professors just generally write better reference letters, and also write about more relevant skills. also most employers don’t really take this super seriously and just give the person excellent for everything so it’s not that meaningful.

#law school #law #lawblr #ontario #canada #toronto #academics #school

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akechicrimes · 4 years

Text

not to speculate too hard about the inside of a silent protagonist’s head, but the more i think about joker persona 5, the more convinced i am that he’s firmly entrenched his approach to relationships in hiding aspects of himself from others so that he can fulfill some sort of transactional relationship. and the more i think about that, the more i really do think that akira’s whole thing about emphasizing transactional relationships and almost intentionally surrounding himself with only selfishly-motivated people is a fear of intimacy.

i was talking with @aryashi about this post with akira’s really heartbreakingly cynical opinions on friendship, and the weird phenomenon where in persona 3 and 4, the protagonists are intentionally pushed to reconsider their views on friendship and making bonds with other people, and come out of their journeys with friends who’d ride and die for them. but with akira in persona 5, it’s odd because akira has a very well-documented transactional/cynical view on how relationships work, but he isn’t quite ever pushed to reconsider that point of view.

which is to say, persona 5 as a game is much less about relationships and friendships than persona 3 or 4. in persona 3, minato has only two personality traits, and those are that he’s a 2006 emo MCR fan and that he’s self-isolated. his entire character arc is about him un-isolating himself, learning to have relationships again, and learning that other people make life worth living. in persona 4, souji (or yu) is a city boy sent to a tight-knit community where everyone knows everyone, winds up learning first-hand just how judgmental small towns can be even in their proximity, and is forced to confront the perils and rewards of other people knowing you for who you truly are.

in comparison, persona 5 likes to say that it’s about justice and societal reform, and seems to actively encourage akira to mask himself (or at least parts of himself) in order to achieve societal reform. he is quite literally hiding half of his activities (thievery, mostly) from the other half of his life (his day life as a student). arguably, he’s also hiding his confidants/social linking side business from his own thievery team, too. logistically, this makes sense, since akira is avoiding getting put in jail for thievery by hiding his identity. the flip side is that akira works for a better society while never once being known for who he really is, which is a fairly common trope among masked heroes who do work for the whole of society while never once being thanked or recognized for their work, but it’s a stark contrast to the other games.

so in a lot of ways, not only is akira not pushed to reconsider his views on relationships, he’s actively encouraged to keep masking parts of himself from others, and to use his anonymity and ability to hide to his own advantage. in particular, akira is encouraged to find people who he can gain something from, people who stand to gain something from him, and to strike a deal; and this deal usually involves akira hiding parts of himself so that his new confidants will continue to work with him.

which is cool and also highkey relatable, sure, but it sure does seem to be one of the reasons why akira walks out of the game with a whole bunch of friends who seem to................. not really know him very well, for some reason? and all his social links are, like, a collection of business partners or sponsors?

that’s not to say that his relationships are always built on akira hiding parts of himself to fulfill a transactional deal. a lot of his relationships wind up being non-transactional even if they started off that way, and a lot of his relationships end with his confidants guessing that he’s a phantom thief. but i wonder if akira himself views them as non-transactional. or, that is to say, akira seems to move away from viewing relationships as purely transactional, but he’s never pushed to embrace a relationship that is purely, 100% altruistic.

he starts every relationship with a transactional deal from the beginning of the game to the end. he uses relationships as a “we mutually help each other out” sort of arrangement as far into the game as his last conversation with sae as his lawyer. and the fact that these relationships become deeper and more meaningful than a simple business arrangement doesn’t mean that they’re not still fundamentally business arrangements. it’s a bit like getting to know your local barista: you might have conversations and learn more about them and even become friends, but at the end of the day, fundamentally the arrangement is built on interactions where you pay them money for them to make you coffee. (and to keep going with the barista metaphor, such a business relationship depends entirely on presenting only certain aspects of oneself to another person so as to keep the relationship going.)

or, also consider what akira said in this tweet as linked in the first part of this post. it may be that he knows that, for example, kawakami comes out of her social link adoring her student, and would go above and beyond to help him if he asked. but that in itself is a transactional relationship of another kind, isnt it? akira has to continue being the sort of student that she likes in order to continue to have her support; in return, she lets him get away with all sorts of wild shit in her class. rather than a one-off transaction, the relationship moves almost towards a type of sponsorship, which akira trades behavior that she approves of for her continued, continuous help. so the relationship remains transactional, and in a lot of ways, akira is not only trading with supporting kawakami emotionally, but he’s hiding parts of himself in order to maintain the relationship he’s built.

aryashi said that he should have come out of the game with some ride-or-die friends like the other persona protags--friends who know him completely and entirely, and would go above and beyond for no transactional reason whatsoever. she said that he should have had at least “ryuji, or akechi,” which was so fascinating to me because those two characters are so entirely and completely polar opposites, but reflect akira’s issues of isolation from two really important angles.

ryuji’s probably the character who has the most altruistic relationship with akira. he latches onto akira and from the first time they meet, ryuji selflessly tries to sacrifice himself to save akira, who ryuji barely knows, met about five minutes previous, and actually doesn’t even know the name of. ryuji couldn’t have an ulterior motive to help akira if he tried. and ryuji’s remarkably consistent about his selflessness, too; there’s no benefit to ryuji when ryuji gets mad on akira’s behalf to defend him, and it continues all the way through P5R.

but in a weird way, it’s like akira doesn’t--understand this? although ryuji is the character who seems to care about akira himself the most and consistently defends akira, especially in regards to akira’s record, the instant ryuji’s social link starts, the social link progresses in the same manner as a lot of other social links, in which akira exchanges emotional labor and support for better teammates, better teamwork, better personas, better social links. suddenly it’s not about ryuji caring about akira, but akira helping ryuji through his track team problems. it’s like akira and ryuji are speaking entirely different languages, or are simply thinking so differently that akira just had no idea what to do with ryuji when ryuji goes out of his way to reach out to akira just for the sake of kindness. he seems taken aback by ryuji’s enthusiasm and sincerity in several cutscenes.

which is not to say that i dont think that akira doesnt value ryuji immensely, because i think he does, and i think that ryuji reaching out to him when akira had first moved to shujin and was entirely alone meant the world to akira. but i think that going through a friendship constantly feeling like ryuji’s altruism has an expiration date, impending dealbreaker, or is simply just incomprehensible because it doesnt have any transactional value to it is a type of isolation in itself. and if not a type of isolation, then definitely a type of emotional barrier that prevents akira from really embracing a relationship or person like ryuji--if not out of confusion, then maybe just out of fear.

confusion or fear, or maybe just a history of being rejected for who he is--either way, i do think that one of the things that’s so notable about a transactional relationship is that it makes intimacy much more controllable. persona 4 intimacy was a fucking gauntlet to be survived, because it was just a sheer, undiluted blast of your entire self being put on display. in persona 5, intimacy can be controlled if you know what a person wants out of you. if you know what they want, you can be that thing they want. if you know what they want from you, then you can leverage what they want. if the terms of the deal are clear-cut and determined from the start, someone like akira doesnt need to be afraid of being rejected, and never has to guess at what a person wants from him, and need never take an emotional risk himself. the more selfishly motivated a person is, the easier they are to please, and the easier they are to extract a working relationship out of, and the easier they are to even have a relationship with.

which brings us to akechi, because it does seem to be the case that akira gets along so well with akechi because it’s understood between the two of them that akechi is NOT here to be friends and he DOES have ulterior motives. even without the whole shido thing, akechi is pretty obviously there to nail akira for being a phantom thief; the kindest possible interpretation of akechi stalking akira is that akechi is there to pick up blackmail material on him.

not to speculate too hard about the insides of a silent protagonist’s head, but i do wonder if maybe that’s why he got along with akechi so well: he assumes that akechi wants something from him that benefits only akechi himself, and akira is totally right. that sort of selfish motivation is something that akira can understand, predict, and accommodate.

nobody is allowed to tell that one anon who keeps showing up in people’s inboxes trying to convince everyone that shuake is an unhealthy ship, but it’s not a great dynamic. it’s also not any different from any of the other social links akira has. it’s pretty par for akira’s course, actually.

it’s also what akira understands, and it’s what akira is comfortable with, and oddly it serves as a point of connection between the two of them, especially in their P5R s link. and the more that akechi pushes at various emotional issues throughout his social link under the cover of “i’m only here to investigate you,” the more emotional intimacy they can get away with while pretending they aren’t doing exactly what they’re doing.

which is like. bro. when goro akechi is better at emotional intimacy than you are. you done REALLY fucked up.

but at the same time it’s like........................ it’s very clear that akira walks away from the game with more or less the same point of view on friendships and relationships that he went into the game with, because akechi wasnt going to be the kind of person who pushes him on that point. again, akechi and akira having a relationship that started off transactional and grew to become something else doesn’t necessarily mean that either one of them have changed their general modus operandi on this point. the person that would have really pushed akira to change would have been ryuji--but for whatever reason, ryuji didn’t wind up being the catalyst for that sort of change that he should have.

i dont really have a conclusion because this is my blog and i can do whatever i want and nobody has yet paid me enough money to buy my silence, but if you really want a conclusion, have this: pegoryugoro IS a valid ship and they DO have an interesting and compelling dynamic and i SWEAR to god i will make it work one day.

#mine #maybe dont take this post too seriously #i didnt really think for most of this rant

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klaumiel · 4 years

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You are all I’ve got, Damien// Chapter 5: First touch

It’s been four weeks since I last heard from Damien when he was transferred to another prison. The fact that I didn’t hear from him for so long was evident to me that they found his phone, and now we had no way to communicate. I wished he left me his lawyer’s number or at least name. I didn’t even know where they transferred him. I had nothing, and the unknown was killing me.

I called few jails around the area, but they couldn’t tell me anything as I wasn’t a relative, it was so frustrating. I started to feel so hopeless.

I parked my car on the driveway, took out my dad’s favourites cookies I made last night, and lilies for my mum.

Before I managed to get to the door, I saw it opening.

‘ Morning, daddy! I have cookies for you. I’m sure you missed my baking’ I smiled and hugged him. His strong arm covered me entirely ‘ Gosh, you are getting bigger and bigger’ I laughed

‘Richard, you better help me with this, is too heavy’ My mum shouted from the living room, she was pushing her old piano from the middle of the room but didn’t move a millimetre.

‘ Look at you little bird, trying to play a strong woman’ My dad laughed and walked to her, he picked her up in the air and moved aside

‘Not funny Richard, not funny.’ She said with half-smile.

‘Are you moving your piano? It’s been in the living room for years’ I said surprised

‘Your dad bought me a new one, we are moving this one to the garage, is worth a lot I’m not getting rid of it ‘ She said looking at my dad pushing the piano with zero effort.

‘That’s great, you could do with the new one’ I smiled and put the bowl with the cookies on the table. I noded my mum towards the kitchen, she walked with me while my dad was in the garage.

I started to put the lilies in the water.

‘What’s wrong, sweetie?’ She whispered

‘ I need to talk to dad about Damien, I am so confused and lost in this whole situation, I need his honest advice. Everything you and Shaun told me, also Gemma… I have no idea what to do. I want to really start looking for him but what Gemma said is stopping me somehow. I need his point of view on this, he never takes anyone’s side, and that’s what I need.’

‘I understand you are confused. Nobody can tell you what to do, but he is the right person to tell what’s best for you, without sugar-coating. ‘

My dad didn’t know about Damien, I asked both my mum and Shaun to keep it a secret for now, but it was time for him to know. I needed his advice the most.

We spent a peaceful afternoon together, I helped my mum with lunch and after we sat in the garden enjoying the late spring sun.

‘ Dad… I need to talk to you about something. I need your honest advice’ I started

‘You can tell me anything sweet muffin, I will do my best to help you ‘ he smiled warmly

I told him everything, didn’t miss any details, he listened, there was no judgement in his look.

‘Ok, next question … how does he make you feel? How do you feel when you talk to him?’ He really wanted me to open up, just spill my feelings. I knew he would do that, and I was ready.

‘Did you ever doubted him? Did you ever think that he isn’t telling you the full truth? … Just yes or no.’

‘No’

He looked at my mum, smiled gently

‘Do you love him?’ He looked me deep in the eyes like he wanted to read my thoughts, I could see that he already knew the answer but wanted me to say it at loud. ‘ Just yes or no.’

‘Yes‘ I said without hesitation, my heart pounded in my chest

‘Ok...last one … how do you feel now? You didn’t hear from him for a while, how do you feel?’

My dad was quiet, looking at the distance. I waited for his response like waiting for a sentence.

I knew that asking him for advice will make everything a lot clearer, after hearing all this, I felt like my decision has been made, it was clear to me what I have to do.

‘Thank you dad.’ I reached for his hand, wiping my tears with the other ‘ I knew you can help me, I knew you will understand both of us.’

‘I hope she will, and decision? I’ve made it.. but I will need your help’ I said

‘I do what I can.’

‘I need to find out where he is, I called every prison in the area, but they won’t tell me anything. You know people. Is there anyone who could help us find him? ‘

‘I won’t be able to live with myself if I just walk away from him… I have to try, Gemma has to understand this.’

My dad checked his phone, got up and walked to the house. He spoke with someone on the phone. He came back a few minutes later, sat back in his chair and looked me in the eyes.

‘We will find him, it might take a few days, weeks but we will find him… he was transferred from Perch County jail right? ‘

‘Yes’ Looks like mum didn’t spare any details.

‘ There are only a few places that he could’ve been transferred too, from there. I will make a few phone calls and see what I can do.’

I knew I can count on him.

A couple of days later Shaun and I were relaxing on the sofa after a busy day. I have no idea how we got into watching The Shawshank Redemption, but we both loved this movie.

‘ I swear we should get a subscription for this chipper place’ Shaun laughed licking his fingers and putting the empty box on the table.

‘ And Oreos are made in heaven, so there are harmless. That’s how I see it ‘ I laughed munching my last Oreo.

We finished the movie, both tearing as usual.

‘ I meant to ask you... how was your date with Angel? You seem to be very invested in her shelter problems. Will they still go ahead with closing it?’

‘ You should adopt him, I don’t mind. Plus is for a good cause. ‘

‘Really? Thanks, I might do that. Angel will be happy, he is a great dog, you will love him.’

Suddenly I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. I got up quickly and run to answer.

I’ve been waiting for my dad’s call about Damien, but I saw a strange unknown number.

I answered a bit unsure. I definitely wasn’t expecting what came next.

‘Hello, this is as a collect call from Shelton County jail from inmate Damien Jones. To accept charges, please press one.’ Oh my god! My breath stopped, my legs suddenly felt weak, my heart was pounding in my chest. I quickly pressed number one on my phone, a long waiting tune started to play, for seemed like an eternity.

‘Maya? Baby, are you there?’ I heard men’s voice answering the phone. The empty glass I’ve been holding landed on the floor, smashing into pieces.

‘Damien?... Is that you?’ I sat on the chair, trying to calm my breath, completely ignoring the broken glass all over my kitchen floor

‘I am so happy to hear you… I missed you. Are you ok?

‘Damien, I told you that won’t happen …I’ve been trying to find you, I called so many prisons asking for you. I felt so hopeless… You have no idea how glad I am, you are alive.’

‘Cheesy!’ I laughed ‘ You better tell me if you are OK? What the judge is saying? Will they release you soon?’

‘Damien, they have no rights to keep you in prison any longer than necessary. What they are waiting for? You are innocent …what other proof they need?! This is nonsense!... was seven years not enough?! Is your lawyer even doing what he supposed to? From what I can see is not!’

‘ You can repay me by bringing your sexy ass to me, and give me that kiss that you promised. ‘

’As far as I remember I promised more than a kiss… And I keep my promises’ Damn! that cockiness again!

‘Well, now I have to hold you for it … point is I need you here ASAP! ‘

‘That might be a bit tricky at this moment…Now that I can finally hear your voice I am dying to see you.’

‘Trust me, I am already googling where Shelton County Jail is.’ I laughed

‘ Why am I not surprised ?’ He laughed

‘Because we both know how much we want to see each other?’

‘You have no idea … now that I don’t have my phone here I only have your pictures in my head, I can’t look at them every day like I did before. ‘

‘I could do something about that’ I smiled

‘Oh, really? What’s that ?’

‘You will see.’

‘Here we go, teasing …Not fair!…I really don’t want this to finish, I could talk to you all day … but I have only one minute left.’

‘That’s shit, but I understand, will we be able to speak again soon?’

‘Yes, I will call you as soon as I can… I am so happy I could hear your voice … I couldn’t wait any longer…I fucking missed you, baby.’

‘ I missed you too… but now it can only be better’ I heard beeping on the other side, we were running out of time

‘Maya’

‘Yes?’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, Damien’