#or i should get an adderall prescription

[copperbadge]

how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me

Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D

It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":

How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)

Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.

In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.

So with that out of the way...

I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.

I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.

He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.

It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.

So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.

I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.

Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.

[thesnadger]

If you live in the US and can't get generic Adderall because of the shortage, this might help.

I don't know how much this will vary across insurance plans/states, but it worked for me:

Step 1: If you haven't already, call other pharmacies in the area. Find out if they have the generic and if they have brand name Adderall.

(In my experience, it's mostly the generic that's out everywhere. Fewer people get brand name because it's $300 for 30 pills and not all insurance plans cover it.)

Step 2: Call your insurance company. Ask them if they cover brand name Adderall. If they don't, tell them the generic isn't available in your area because of the shortage (mention that you've called multiple pharmacies) and ask if they can give you a temporary brand override.

(If they do cover it, you may still need your doctor to call in a new prescription for the brand version, but then you should be all set.)

Step 3: If they can do an override, call your doctor next. Have them send a new prescription for your usual dosage to one of the pharmacies that has Adderall. Make sure that the prescription is for brand name Adderall and says "brand only."

(I had to explain why I needed this new prescription to my doctor's team a couple of times, but they put the request through.)

Step 4: When the prescription goes through, call your insurance company back. Explain the situation to them again, and ask them for a temporary brand override.

Step 5: Go pick up your damn pills.

Sincerely, the tired bitch who got her meds.

[sorrowsofsilence]

Burning Out • IV

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 4.4k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter Four- Show my Thorns (EDITED: 09-03-24)

new? start from chapter one here

My own words stung as they reminded me of my past felonies, but I supposed she truly was my favourite victim. If it wasn't too messed up to say something like that.

"Will I see you for your usual coffee?" She asked, hope seeping through her eyes. How could she want to see me again?

"Yeah," I replied with a forced laugh, lying through each breath. "See you then."

I stepped out of the car and turned to wave before opening the door to the motel room. My heart ached as Y/N drove away.

Goodbye.

Tell me that I'm wrong Tell me that I'm wrong

+++++

NOAH

As soon as I stepped inside, Ruffilo pulled me into a tight hug that almost crushed my bones.

"I was so worried, bro," he exclaimed, his worry now replaced with relief.

"Who was in the car?" Folio asked, peering out the window before quickly shutting the curtain.

"It's a long story," I groaned, collapsing onto the cot once more.

"I don't care about the story," Jolly interjected angrily. "What did you manage to steal?"

"Nothing," I admitted, cowering under their disappointed stares.

"You were gone for that long and came back empty-handed?" Folio said, his disappointment palpable.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Jolly laughed. "I thought you were over your little episode from earlier."

I sat up and looked at each of them in turn. "Trust me, I had a great haul. Until I got caught."

"You didn't," Ruffilo deadpanned.

"It's fine, she won't say anything," I reassured them, taking off my shoes.

"What? So now you trust some random girl who caught you breaking into her house? How desperate are you?" Jolly growled. "We're screwed."

"She drove you home too? Now she knows where we live? You idiot!" Folio yelled, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"What was in the haul?" Ruffilo asked curiously.

Sighing heavily, I mumbled into my hands, "Almost full bottles of Diazepam, Adderall, Zolpidem, and Dextromethorphan."

All three of them groaned in frustration.

"Dude, that's worth thousands of dollars!" Folio exclaimed. "You should go back and get it if you're all buddy-buddy with her now."

My glare could have killed me as I shot daggers at the youngest member of our group. "Fuck off. It's not going to happen."

"No, Nick has a point," Jolly chimed in. "That's a good haul. We could use the extra money right now."

"I said," I growled through gritted teeth, "It's not going to happen."

I stormed off towards the bathroom door and slammed it shut behind me. Leaning against the door, I let out a frustrated groan and ran my hands through my hair. My mind was conflicted and confused, unable to believe that this day was even real.

I turned the shower on, and stripped off my clothes, letting the water wash away my sins.

I can't forgive you, but I can't look away I walked through fire I was born in the flames

+++++

Y/N

As I climbed the stairs to my house, Juice followed close behind. A sigh of frustration escaped my lips as I tried to make sense of the events of the day. My confusion only increased when I saw a backpack sitting in front of my bedroom door, its contents shifting with each step I took. I couldn't resist the urge to investigate and opened the bag, revealing all of my prescription pill bottles inside. My heart raced as I stared at them, unsure if they had been intentionally left there or if he had planned to sell them for money. But with only four hours until I had to be at work, I pushed those thoughts aside and prioritized sleep over worrying about it.

+++++

As I worked that morning my mind was consumed with the events of last night, replaying over and over again in my head like a broken record. Was it lack of sleep, anxiety, or the intoxicating presence of Noah that kept me on edge? Annika noticed my restlessness and questioned me, but I brushed her concerns off with a forced smile and a lie about being tired.

Despite my rational thoughts telling me otherwise, my heart yearned for Noah. There was something about him that drew me in, despite his criminal lifestyle. He was unlike anyone I had ever met before.

Throughout the day, I found myself constantly glancing at the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him walking in. But he never did.

It wasn't until half an hour before closing time that the familiar ding of the doorbell sounded, causing my heart to leap in anticipation. I turned around, hoping to see Noah's long hair and captivating silver eyes, but instead was greeted by another man with long locks and tattoos covering his arms. His onyx hair and striking silver eyes held a similar intensity to Noah's, but there was something different about him.

My thoughts immediately went back to Noah as this new man ordered the same coffee as him - one cream and one sugar. As he handed me the change, I couldn't help but notice the intricate tattoos adorning his knuckles. My hands trembled slightly as I handed him his cup, taking in the words etched above each finger: "Bad Omen" spelled out above a crescent moon design.

We locked eyes for a moment, a sense of understanding passing between us as I handed him his drink. Despite his similarities to Noah, this man seemed completely different - yet my mind kept going back to those piercing October eyes.

Can one of us be saved? Better in a grave

+++++

NOAH

"Does she know about the tattoo?" Nicholas asked as he handed me a cup of coffee. I adjusted my sunglasses while taking a sip, the warm liquid soothing my throat as I thought of her again. I had told her the truth when she asked, but now I regretted it. It would have been better if we had just gone our separate ways.

After my shower, I filled Ruffilo in on everything that had happened with Y/N. He always understood me and listened to me best, even though he was surprised by how things turned out.

"She seemed so hopeful when she turned around," Ruffilo said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets as we walked back to the motel. "I think she wanted me to be you."

"I don't understand why," I said.

"Because you're not a bad person. She can see through whatever walls you've put up. You two were interested in each other before last night because you went out," Nicholas sighed. "And the fact that she still seems interested after everything means two things -"

I gave him a questioning look, waiting for him to continue.

"- Either she's crazy, or she sees past your past because she gets it," Nicholas reassured me. And he was right. Y/N could understand certain aspects because she had just escaped from her own cage; but was I ready to risk everything to see her again? Was there a chance that she could forgive me?

Ruffilo glanced at his watch, "We need to hurry back. Jolly and Folio will be here in ten minutes to pick us up and we still need to meet with D to drop off the load."

I nodded, picking up the pace and taking another sip of my coffee. "Hopefully they made enough money to make up for yesterday's loss."

Nicholas patted my shoulder, "Don't beat yourself up too much brother. You almost got caught and managed to evade it."

"I did get caught, just not by the law," I corrected him.

"Okay, but you were caught by a beautiful woman instead. I'd say that's a win-win."

I playfully pushed his shoulder, brushing off his comment; but he was right. Y/N was gorgeous.

We reached the motel and saw Jolly and Folio loading bags of cash into the car.

"Did we make a good haul?" Ruffilo asked as he lit a cigarette. We walked over to them and I eyed the bags; there seemed to be an excessive amount of money.

Folio nodded, "We made enough to cover last night's loss and then some. Looks like we'll be dining well tonight!" He clapped his hands together before tapping them on the hood of the car, exuding excitement.

I questioned with caution, “How did you manage to get all of this in just a couple of hours?” Jolly lit a cigarette and jumped into the front seat. We followed suit, but I rolled down the window to avoid the smoke from filling the car. I could handle smoking joints, but cigarettes burned my throat.

Jolly explained, “We robbed a convenience store off of 9th Ave. It was the quickest way to get the cash we needed.”

Skeptical, I narrowed my eyes and watched him through the rearview mirror, “Aren’t you the one who always says we should avoid businesses because it’s too risky?”

Jolly scoffed, “Yeah, but I do it well. So I don’t mind taking that risk, especially since we were thousands behind.”

I muttered, “Whatever,” and looked out the window. The meeting with D today was crucial; it would determine if we could finally get out of this mess.

The ride was silent until we arrived at the abandoned warehouse by the pier. Dread washed over me as our car was surrounded by men in black masks, guns hanging from their arms.

“Out with your hands up,” a masked guard commanded from outside the car in a muffled voice.

We complied, used to this standard procedure.

D’s familiar booming voice echoed from down the pier, sending shivers down my spine as his shadow approached us under the moonlight. His silver blonde hair glinted in the moonlight as he towered over us, taunting us like prey.

“What have you brought me this month?” he asked eagerly.

“We have about thirteen thousand,” Jolly reported as the guards searched our car and opened up the duffle bags.

D’s eyes flicked between us sharply and scanned the crowd as if looking for any discrepancies. He clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

“I recall agreeing upon fifteen thousand this month,” he remarked.

Jolly almost lunged at him, but he kept his composure and clenched his fists, “No, we agreed on twelve. And you should consider yourself lucky we even managed to get the extra thousand instead of keeping it for ourselves.”

D chuckled darkly, his teeth twisting into an evil grin, “Oh, I’m lucky, am I?”

He walked closer, arms crossed behind his back in a display of power, “I would say you should be lucky that I’m willing to let you get away with this, for a price.”

“We did what you asked,” Jolly growled, “We shook on twelve.”

D smiled smugly and raised a questioning brow, “Yet you brought thirteen.”

Jolly remained silent and the rest of us watched as D strutted between our bodies like a predator encasing its prey in its trap once again.

“I expect twenty thousand next month. Clearly, you are capable of bringing in more,” he stated firmly.

My eyes widened in shock and I turned to the boys for confirmation.

“Twenty?” I exclaimed incredulously, my eyebrows shooting up in disbelief, “How the fuck are we supposed to get twenty? You keep raising the price and we’re getting closer and closer to getting caught every day.”

D cackled cunningly, “If it weren’t for you young Noah, we wouldn’t be in this situation. So maybe it’s time for you to step up and find other ways to earn money.”

Ruffilo pleaded, “But we can’t get twenty.”

“Let’s make it twenty-four then,” D clapped his hands together with a sickening smile on his face, making me want to punch it off.

“Twenty is fine.” Jolly clenched his jaw, struggling to keep a pleasant expression on his face. D sauntered over and clapped him on the back, but Jolly flinched away from the false camaraderie.

"That's my boy," D said with fake enthusiasm. "But I have some good news for you."

My ears perked up at the mention of good news.

"Your debt will be paid off next month. This twenty grand will cover everything."

I had to hold back from cheering out loud, but when I glanced at Ruffilo, we shared a silent moment of celebration. Could it be true? Just twenty thousand dollars more and we would finally be free?

D's tone turned sly as he continued, stepping closer to me until our chests were almost touching.

"There is one condition though," he said with a sneaky smile. "Noah is the only one who can pay me back. No help from anyone else. It has to be Noah's work."

+++++

As soon as we got into the car, tears of anger streamed down my face. This had to be a dream. Why the fuck couldn’t I wake up.

“The four of you will wear trackers. That way I know Noah’s alone when he gets the cash, and brings it to me at the end of each week.”

The boys remained silent the whole way, Nicholas giving me sympathetic glances every so often.

“One final test to see if you’ve really learned your lesson, pretty boy.”

I punched the headrest in front of me, anger seeping through my veins. Pretty boy.

“I think we could all use a drink.” Jolly sighed, turning the car into the parking lot of a local bar. Sammy’s.

The boys got out of the car and I lingered there for a moment, squeezing my eyes shut as my chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. Fuck this. Fuck everything. Life was a literal bad omen.

I opened the door, slamming it forcefully as I pulled my hood over my head, following the boys into the bar. I avoided the crowd, sliding into the booth Jolly led us to, leaning into the wall.

“What do you want Noah?” Ruffilo asked.

“Tequila,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. At least that would numb the pain for a bit, “Hennesey.”

“Shouldn’t mix that but ok,” Ruffilo said, standing up to grab the drinks; as he turned he hesitated, “Uh, Noah-”

I raised my head to meet his gaze, pulling back my hood in curiosity before shifting my attention to the woman standing behind him at the counter. Y/N was there, dressed in a tight black tank top that hugged her figure, paired with short shorts that barely covered her hips. The fanny pack slung around her waist and name tag completed the look, but I couldn’t believe this was the other job she had.

We locked eyes as I stared at her in surprise, feeling my cheeks flush as she pushed back her hair and gave me a smile that lit up her kind, pleading eyes.

"He's right," Ruffilo said with astonishment, shaking his head at the sight of us. "There's some sort of connection between you two."

"That's Y/N?" Folio whistled lowly, ogling the woman as she chatted with a customer now, glancing over every few seconds.

"How do you know about her?" I muttered through gritted teeth, leaning towards him in a hushed tone before looking over at Nicholas. "Did you tell them?"

"They needed to know," Ruffilo responded defensively, shrugging his shoulders before walking over to the bar.

"She's stunning, no doubt about it." Jolly grinned approvingly, his eyes still fixed on Y/N as she talked with Ruffilo, occasionally glancing back at me.

I couldn't help but keep stealing glances at her until my cheeks burned and I had to turn away. Her gaze felt like it was scorching holes into my skin. "So, now what?" I asked, raking my fingers through my hair and anxiously twisting the ends.

"Just go say hi, you idiot," Folio exclaimed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You guys are clearly checking each other out, so just go do it over there."

I let out a sigh and forced myself out of the booth. As I walked towards Ruffilo and Y/N, her face lit up with excitement.

"Why do you keep following me?" I teased, taking a seat on the stool in front of the counter. Nicholas pushed a tequila shot and a cup of hennesey towards me.

I downed the liquor in one gulp, relishing the burn as it travelled down my throat, savouring the taste of ignorance.

"I'm surprised to see you here," Y/N laughed softly, taking the empty glass from me. "But at the same time, I'm not really surprised at all."

"Something keeps bringing us back together," I chuckled, downing another shot of the brown liquor as its fiery warmth danced across my tastebuds. "I have a feeling that I'm meant to get to know you."

Ruffilo left with three beers, leaving Y/N and I alone. She absentmindedly played with her hair again, tucking it behind her ear. "It's pretty strange," she commented with a small smile.

I nodded, “Can I get two more shots?”

Y/N raised a brow but lined up the glasses, pouring the liquor into them. I downed it again, sighing heavily.

“You got your friend to get your coffee this evening?” Y/N asked now, colour rising to her face as she warmed, almost like she was embarrassed at noticing my lack of presence.

“I’m surprised you’re talking to me after finding what was in my bag.” I laughed, my vision starting to blur. It’s been a while since I’ve drank, and my tolerance must have lowered.

She poured me another, as If I had asked with my eyes, and smiled gently, “You didn’t take it back with you though. You left it behind.”

Not sure it was quite on purpose, but I’m glad she thinks so.

“Those guys are your gang?” She nodded her head towards Jolly, Folio, and Ruffilo. I turned, and they immediately looked away, pretending they weren’t watching our entire interaction unfold. My ears began ringing as the alcohol consumed me, the song playing above us getting louder.

I carry your heart around Like a child that has just been born I try not to let you down And I try not to show my thorns

“Those are my brothers.” I nodded, resting my head on the wooden counter, and closing my eyes in defeat.

“Noah… are you ok?” Y/N placed her hand gently on my own, and my body warmed.

You can run but cannot hide If we fail, then at least I tried To save your soul from becoming hurt and scared

“Yes,” I whispered, lying through my lips.

Y/N came around the counter, reaching for me full of compassion. She hugged me again and I leaned into her touch.

I pretend that things are alright I can comfort you and hold you tight

She saw right through my lies. "I can take my break now. Want to talk about it?" I sat up, trying to focus on her through my blurry vision and the buzz of alcohol in my system. Standing up unsteadily, I took hold of her wrist and pulled her with me towards the restrooms. "Noah," she whispered as we turned the corner, out of sight from anyone else.

To love you feels like Walking on broken glass

I was fully aware that I didn't deserve someone like Y/N in my life. The way she treated me with kindness and compassion, a stranger or, as she put it, a level two acquaintance, left me amazed. But deep down, I knew that she was meant to be a part of my life in some way. Fate had brought us together, even if it was only for a short time. As I pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms around her, I couldn't help but hold onto her as tightly as possible. Her warmth enveloped me and I savoured every moment of her touch against my hands, which often showed no mercy.

"Why do I feel like I can tell you anything?" Y/N peered back up at me through her lashes and rested her head on my chest.

"Why do I trust you?" She laughed softly, holding onto me tightly.

Running my hands gently over her back, my nails grazing her smooth skin. "I guess it's because I fit your type."

Her laughter filled the hall again as she smiled up at me. "Oh, right, of course."

"But seriously," I said, swaying with her in my arms. "There must be some reason why we were drawn to each other."

"Maybe," she replied.

"There's no other explanation," I stuttered, feeling the alcohol start to take over. All I could focus on was the warmth of her body against mine and the racing of my heart. My hand travelled up her arm and cupped her chin, lifting her face to meet mine.

Will you carry my heart around When it's old and grey? Will you stay until we fade away?

Our gazes locked, and I couldn't resist leaning down towards her. Our lips met in a soft brush, but I couldn't stop myself from deepening the kiss. It was a bad idea, but at that moment, I didn't care. Y/N stood on tiptoe, returning my kiss with equal fervour. My hands instinctively held her close to me as my heart raced with desire.

I kissed her hungrily, my mind filled with a thousand steamy images. Was it because of the alcohol or my lack of physical intimacy lately, or was it simply because it was Y/N? My hands slid down to her thighs, eagerly exploring her skin before slipping under the hem of her shorts.

“Noah,” she gasped, breaking away from our embrace.

“Bathroom,” I whispered huskily, urging her towards the door. As soon as we were inside, I locked the door and lifted her onto the bathroom counter. The invitation was clear as I positioned myself between her legs.

Her fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer as our lips met. I couldn't help but smile against her mouth, unsure of where this was heading but only focused on the desire to take her right here, right now.

"I want to take you against this counter," I murmured.

She moaned in response but then pulled away with hesitation. "I don't know if this is a good idea-" she started to say, but I tugged at her belt loop and pressed my body against hers.

"Just one night," I whispered, my forehead resting against hers as we both caught our breath from the intense kiss. "One night to feel anything but pain."

Y/N's gaze locked with mine before she closed her eyes and nodded, pulling me back in for more kisses. The anticipation and excitement coursed through my veins, making me even harder with each passing second.

I pushed her shorts down, revealing her underwear as she sat on the counter. A primal groan escaped my throat as I watched her spread her legs just for me.

This was all so messed up, yet in this moment, it didn't matter.

My hands trailed across her skin, slipping into her panties and tracing her slick folds with my fingers. My body ached to replace them with my own heat, longing for her touch.

But for now, I kissed her again while my fingers explored inside of her, causing Y/N to gasp and shiver with pleasure. My thumb danced along her core, teasing and building up her desire as we lost ourselves in each other's bodies.

Desire consumed me as I pulled back, asking for consent. Y/N's hooded eyes watched intently as she nodded eagerly, urging me on.

"Please, Noah," she pleaded, positioning herself at the counter's edge. I spat into my hand and Y/N followed my movements with rapt attention as I prepared myself before entering her. We locked eyes again and she gave a nod of approval before I slid inside, my body immediately trembling in response to her movements. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes briefly as Y/N's warmth enveloped me.

I will never forget the day Our souls became one And I know there's a secret We've been Swallowing Lying so passionately

Her brow furrowed as she focused on the feeling of my body inside hers, letting out soft gasps as I moved my hips against hers. From my intoxicated state, I observed her closely, trying to decipher her expressions. As she tightened around me and moaned, I held onto her thighs with my nails digging into her skin. In that moment, I remembered a similar experience in her bedroom earlier that night.

"Don't make a sound," I warned, covering her mouth with my hand. Her eyes widened before becoming hooded again, clearly infatuated with me. "I wouldn't want you to get fired."

Y/N looked like she wanted to protest, the enticing noises begging to escape from her throat. My body was overcome with pleasure, the sensation of being with her intense and passionate. My forehead wrinkled as I struggled to keep going, knowing that I was close to climaxing. Unfortunately, alcohol didn't exactly improve my endurance.

Her soft plea filled my ear as I held her hand firmly in mine. My body responded to her words, and I gripped her hips tightly as I thrust into her, letting the pleasure take over and numb any lingering depression. With each forceful movement, I found release and pulled out of her to finish stroking myself, spilling onto her stomach.

My breaths came out heavy as I knelt down and trailed kisses up Y/N's thigh. She watched me with confusion in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she asked but spread her legs wider.

"It's your turn now, princess," I replied, reaching for her core and pulling her towards my mouth. I started sucking on her delicate skin, causing Y/N to cover her mouth with one hand and tangle the other into my hair as she rocked against my face.

I savoured the taste of her body, hoping deep down that it was meant to be mine.

"Fuck, Noah," she moaned, throwing her head back against the mirror as she rode the wave of pleasure. Her eyebrows were furrowed in ecstasy.

"Don't stop," she begged, and I didn't. I gave her everything I had.

"Come for me, Y/N," I said between licks and squeezes of her hips. "Be a good girl for me."

As her legs started to tremble and her mouth opened in a silent scream, she reached the peak of her climax. I continued until she pushed me away, her breathing becoming shallow as she caught her breath. I took hold of her chin and brought her lips to mine, yearning for her to taste herself on my tongue.

Life had broken her; just as it had broken him. But when they got together, their pieces became whole. And they started on their journey, together, mended as one. - Steve Maraboli

Chapter Five

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken

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[foone]

How is my pharmacy running out of my ADHD meds a thing that can happen? Like, this shit is on a schedule. My doctor set it up. Ya'll work for the same organization. You know for a fact that Foone B. Turing is gonna want 60 Adderall every thirty days unless they die or change meds.

And if they change meds, it would be ordered by their doctor, WHO WORKS FOR YOU. You would know immediately that you no longer need those pills. You can be forgiven if it turns out I died, but that just means there should be some extra pills left over.

Is it an unexpected rush on pills? Maybe 10,000 people are getting freshly prescribed Adderall this month, and you ran out. That's fine I guess but you'd think the "new Adderall prescriptions" rate is relatively flat. You estimate from previous months and figure out how many people on average get newly prescribed, and then make sure to order enough for both your existing prescriptions and the new prescriptions.

And this isn't like regular retail, where you have to just guess and estimate how many people will want milk or shoes or a nintendo switch this month, and if you get it wrong, you lose money. You are selling something that's tightly regulated. if some rando walks in and asks for it, you can (and are legally required to) tell them "no. go away and get a prescription first".

And as for repeat customers? You literally have a list of their names, how often they buy the thing, and how long it has been since they last bought the thing. You have to, to keep track of prescriptions. It should be trivially easy to estimate how many of a given pill you'll need per week, with incredible accuracy. Most retail establishments would kill to have this kind of information on their customer's buying habits!

This is basically the most easy it is possible for running a retail establishment to be.

And you don't really have competition! Sure, the customer could ask for their prescription to be taken to a different pharmacy, but you're an HMO. 99% of customers are just going to get prescriptions from your own pharmacies. Your only real competition is internal: are they going to fill the prescription as pharmacy A, or pharmacy B?

And remember, you're an HMO: YOU KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE.

How often is someone living in town X going to randomly decide to get their meds from a pharmacy 200 miles away? pretty rarely! So you know vaguely which pharmacies they might go to, and you can even look over the past orders and make up a decent estimate as to which pharmacies they attend.

Your only real sources of uncertainty are new prescriptions, people dying/changing insurance, and people just forgetting to fill their prescription/going off their meds without talking to their doctor. This should be almost trivial to handle.

AND YET

I order my meds on monday. I go in on tuesday. They're out of my meds, completely. They say they'll get them in wednesday.

I go in on thursday. They have 1/6th of my dose available. Will I accept that for now? YEAH I GUESS BUT MAN WHAT THE FUCK HOW ARE YOU FAILING AT RETAIL THIS HARD?

[psycherprince]

So I was scrolling and I uh. Got this ad.

Which like... ugh, you know? Like I really thought we were moving past this as a society but whatever we've just rebranded the same old diet culture to... whatever this is. And I was ready to move on with my life, but then I thought: I thought there weren't any drugs specifically fda approved for weight loss? And then I recognized "bupropion" (aka wellbutrin) and sure enough, upon a closer look,

Huh??? The topiramate one is especially egregious because what they're advertising it for (lowering appetite) isn't even related to what it's approved for (seizures and migraines).

This like... can't be legal, right? Like, something about this is definitely illegal? I mean it's for sure unethical but aren't there laws about this shit?

And the annoying thing is, when this DOES get shut down, it's going to make it harder for people who DO need these medications to get them and add more hoops to jump through, the same way that when Cerebral got cracked down on, it became like ten times harder for me to get my adderall prescription. Son of a bitch. Every doctor involved in this sham should be fucking ashamed of themselves.

@whatbigotspost

[hybridzizi]

On Tuesday, I called around to my pharmacies to see who had Adderall. Costco said they had some -- mostly in a dose lower than I wanted but fine -- so I asked my psych to send a prescription there.

On Thursday, Costco sent me an email saying they were out of Adderall and couldn't fill my order.

Friday morning, I called around again. Walgreens said they had some Adderall on hand and could even still use the prescription my psych had sent recently that they hadn't been able to fill. Oh, except it looked like Costco was already filling my order so they couldn't.

When I am trying to get a different pharmacy to fill my existing prescription, they cannot talk to each other and I have to waste my doctor's time and usually wait a day for the prescription to go through. When they are PREVENTING me from getting my medications that I am out of suddenly they can talk to each other, though.

I immediately called Costco. I asked them to please cancel my order since they cannot fill it. The person on the phone checked and assured me that the email was sent in error. They will probably ship my Adderall that afternoon.

Yesterday, Costco called me to tell me that, since they cannot fill my order, they are canceling it and maybe I should try getting a local pharmacy to fill it?

Like I hadn't tried that and been prevented by them. No explanation of why they kept my unfillable order for two days.

Today Walgreens is closed. I can try calling around to different pharmacies, but at this point most will not give you Adderall unless you have previously ordered from them. Walgreens and Costco are the only pharmacies I had ordered from when the shortage started.

I do not know what you are supposed to do if you move.

I assume that the thing you are supposed to do if you are newly diagnosed is get fucked.

Tune in tomorrow to find out if Walgreens still has Adderall in stock or if they have run out in the intervening two days.

[fandomsandfeminism]

If I had known that getting an Adderall prescription would mean I would need to call the pharmacy every 2 days for the rest of my life, I might have rethought that choice.

Last time I filled my prescription, I could only get a partial fill because they didn't have the full 30 day supply. So I've just been calling every few days to be like "hey, can I fill the rest of this now?" and TODAY they are like "oh well…its too soon for you to refill this." What are you talking about? I'm trying to get the rest of the pills you were supposed to have given me 2 weeks ago. How can it be TOO SOON to get the pills you were supposed to give me 2 weeks ago? But you have it in stock TODAY. You might not have it in 6 days, when I run out, and again, these are pills included in the original prescription that I should have gotten two weeks ago anyway. How can it be too soon if they are 2 weeks late?

[custom-emojis]

Hiii! Not an emergency but. I have been lucky enough to get some psychiatric prescriptions for the first time since I was a teen which includes adderall! Which is GREAT for my ADHD but is not so great for my wallet.

It’s not covered by my insurance and it costs $120CAD. I’ve set a kofi goal for $100USD which should cover the cost + taxes.

I am also opening my commissions early so feel free to contact me here or on discord @ hereticsys ! Any help is appreciated I’d like to be able to Function and Draw Consistently. I do have an exemption form to fill out with my doctor which can get it free but that can take up to a month to process and frankly I’d like the meds as soon as possible. Thank you!

[swarnpert]

lucky i cant even get an adderall prescription they just keep putting me on more ssris

you should start making meth about it

[mylifeasaserver]

Just a Couple Days

At least weekly at this pharmacy (and it feels like much more often) somebody on a controlled medication is "going out of town" and needs to pick up early.

Once in a while - and just a day or two early - we can accommodate.

But there are limits.

Lady comes in today to pick her Adderall up, which through a miracle of miracles we actually have in stock.

Except it isn't ready because it's nearly a week early. I communicate this to her. A fit is thrown. "But I'm leaving town!"

The pharmacist that I really like working with is summoned, once I tell her what's up with this patient. She does her research, and discovers that this patient picks up early each and every month, mostly at different pharmacies, made possible by the shortages.

They have a discussion, and this woman attempts to preach company policy to the pharmacist, which while she isn't wrong, is a very stupid choice to make since nobody likes being told how to do their job - especially if they're already good at it.

The pharmacist goes back to her research, then goes back to our treasured patient. She asks what happened to the medication she should have on hand since she's been picking it up early for nearly a year. She did the math. After no coherent answer, she's told to forget about getting it early. After a bit of griping she threatens to take her prescription elsewhere, as though the pharmacist owns this business and gives a shit.

Then the pharmacist calls her doctor's office. Her scripts will be hard-coded going forward. No early fills without their express approval. Good.

Now one would think that she'd take the L and move on. She would understand she wasn't getting what she wants, and adapt accordingly.

She calls us, maybe 20 minutes later, wanting to talk to "somebody who takes customer service seriously."

Knowing who it was because we all talk to one another, she was transferred to the same pharmacist that shut her down.

Our valued patient, upon whom the very existence of the pharmacy rests, then hung up.

Unicorn Overlord is a great game. -J

[genderqueerpositivity]

I learned this week that there is a national shortage of Adderall, you know, making this apparently the absolute worst possible time to be newly diagnosed with ADHD.

It looks like there is no way to actually get my prescription? Everyone at every pharmacy I've called has told me that the medication is backordered and I should expect it to be anywhere from several weeks to months before they have have the dose I was prescribed in stock. I have a follow up in 4 weeks to discuss how the medication is working and I sincerely doubt I'll even have taken my first dose by then.

And when exactly, between the hell of working mandatory 60+ hour weeks and the necessity of things like sleeping, am I supposed to deal with this situation?

There is a certain level of irony here. "Congratulations, you have ADHD. Now go forth and call a dozen pharmacies, and once you find one that has the exact medication (down to the dose and whether it's a tablet or capsule) you've been prescribed in stock, call your doctor with that information so that they can transfer the prescription."

I'm sorry fucking what??

[reimeichan]

Trying so hard to get back on my ADHD meds but good lord does everything about the process feel so anti-ADHD. I have to have the executive functioning to actually call my doctor? Schedule an appointment? Have insurance information ready? Listen I need my meds so that I can DO these things. I've been struggling to do this for half a year now why is it so fucking hard.

Doesn't help that my doctor's office is run by ADHDers, which on the one hand is great because they understand why I keep missing calls and stuff, but on the other hand makes it so difficult to actually have someone there to schedule the appointment or get back to my email and stuff. We ADHDers really do just be struggling trying to exist in this world huh.

Fucking sucks that because I'm low on this particular happy chemical in my brain that I struggle with basic life functions that everyone else around me seems to take for granted. And the only way to actually be functional is to artificially have drugs that give you said happy chemical, except it's easily abused and misused so it's a controlled substance. And it shows up in drug tests too! So if I finally get a job again I'd likely need to show my employer that yes I'm taking this legally and I have a prescription for it. Absolutely humiliating and an invasion of my fucking privacy. They should NOT have it on record that I've been prescribed Adderall and I have ADHD as a mental health disorder. Fuck that noise.

Just. Ugh I'm in a really bad mood and I wish my ADHD was the type that I can manage even a smidge or one I can work with while trying to get my life back in order without drugs.

[swampgallows]

my ex gf had narcolepsy so i was in some of the narcolepsy groups she was in and one of her friends in that group was talking about how she couldn't legally marry her husband or she'd lose her medication. some people w narcolepsy are able to be prescribed xyrem: normally a schedule 1 drug (GHB) but with the addition of salt becomes a new compound and therefore a schedule 3 "orphan drug", as the sole medicinal use it has is for treating narcolepsy. and since it's an "orphan drug" it's prescribed only in this very specific instance, meaning they dont make a lot of money off of it. so you know how they compensate for that? they charge 3000 fucking dollars a month. it might even be more now, since this was ten years ago. but luckily xyrem has an accessibility program! yes, if you are Eligible they will dock your monthly prescription fee into the manageable hundreds. and how do you remain Eligible? by filling out their survey or providing proof of having SSI. you see, if she were able to marry her husband, she would have a "dual income", which means she'd either be kicked off SSI or ineligible for xyrem's discount, since she could clearly "afford" to pay the difference. so she had the "option" of either getting medication that allowed her a semblance of a typical life, with rejuvenating sleep and daytime wakefulness, but she could not have a job nor marry the man who should be her husband. or, she marries her husband and attempts to reenter the workforce but has to opt for a much less effective and more harsh alternative medication, most likely Desoxyn (which is methamphetamine. not "an" amphetamine like adderall. Methamphetamine.) which does not provide restful sleep but instead prolongs wakefulness. the lack of restful sleep is what results in the daytime sleepiness of narcolepsy, so the better treatment is to extend the stage 2 of sleep to allow for rest, not to take a tired person and medically keep them awake.

but yeah at least she gets her paltry 2k of funny money from the gubmint right

[the-cookie-of-doom]

I'm taking Mental Health Nursing this semester, and it's going to be fun. I have been struggling to get treatment for my depression bc

1. I spent a long time not wanting to get on antidepressants 2. got on antidepressants and then felt worse 3. got on Adderall which helped some things but still didn't fix the depression (shocker) and 4. now that I'm ready to get back on antidepressants, can't, bc they react very very badly with Adderall

I really need an actual psychiatrist (y'know, the people who specifically specialize in psych drugs? and their interactions?) which is impossible to find out here, to the point my school director almost committed me to the ER last fall just so I could get seen by someone in patient. I told her thank you very much but they will not let me leave, ma'am. and I have tests on Tuesday.

A family practice NP, not my usual, tried to put me on Wellbutrin when I went for my Adderall refill. Wellbutrin does very bad things with Adderall. Like. You are specifically not supposed to combine them. Which she would have known if that was her specialty, which it isn't. Ironically I was also there asking for a psych referral to avoid this exact thing. (She kept pushing the drug on me despite repeated refusals, then wrote the prescription anyway, and now I keep getting notifications to pick it up even though I told them I didn't want it/wouldn't take it. like 3 weeks ago.)

Lucky for me, being a nursing student and having a special interest in pharmacology/medications, I knew better than to just take what was given. I'm in a place where I have the knowledge to self-advocate. I may not know what I do need, but I definitely recognize the things that will hurt me.

But now!! With Mental Health!! Which has a ton of focus on drugs!! I'm starting to make some progress. It's helping me learn what to look for/ask for and I'm v excited, bc now it feels like I'm closer to being able to get the help I need.

I found an antidepressant that was developed specifically to treat ADHD and !! It's exciting!! Bc it should also help treat the depression, too. And if it does work well enough for the ADHD I wouldn't have to keep taking the Adderall, but I'm reluctant to get off it bc it was so hard to get that prescription in the first place. I would rather be depressed but still able to study, then get on another med that doesn't help at all.

Anyway. Healthcare is fascinating and drugs are cool <3

[fanficfanattic]

So I realize my experience with AuDHD is both incredibly common and also extremely unique.

Like the fact that my med manager prescribed me adderall before I had a formal diagnosis is unheard of. I feel like there are people who got all the testing done and it was still gate-kept from them. I had it prescribed two years before I had any testing done. It was based purely on observation over the course of several years.

I’ve been treated for anxiety and depression for almost 20 years. My first depression med was prescribed by my GP’s assistant while I was still in school. I had an actual psychiatrist for a while. And then an APRN after that. Before getting a therapist that was part of a practice that also had med managers available on site too.

So I was with them for a couple of years before I went to grad school. And realized that while I was able to ignore my issues during undergrad, the lack of concentration was going to fail me out. There wasn’t a fake it til you make it during law school.

So I went to my med manager, talked about it, and they were like “yeah, this makes sense”. Started my prescription, was on it two years, and then had to get a new therapist and a new med manager. Got switched around to a few things and now I’m on strattera!

In the meantime, about a year after starting that, my therapist gently suggested I think about being evaluated for autism. And since my childhood therapist had said I was probably autistic, I was like, “yeah, this makes sense”. (My childhood therapist didn’t suggest pursuing a diagnosis because the harm of that diagnosis, which would have prevented me from getting health insurance in the Before Times outweighed any benefit. I did well enough in life that it seemed like the way to go.)

And I got my diagnosis! It didn’t super change anything. Other than explain some of the things I did for my parents. Like it shouldn’t have mattered why large family gatherings stressed me out but apparently this made it acceptable? Okay.

But then. Then I wanted to apply for accommodations to sit for the bar. And guess what? Putting down autism on the paperwork? Would have meant that my state could decide that I had to have a supervising attorney assigned to me. Permanently.

But ADHD? Nope, that wouldn’t qualify me for needing supervision. It would explain why having a private, quiet room was necessary. And wouldn’t make people think I was inherently incapable of managing my own work product.

So I went back to the doctor who did my autism assessment. To ask if they could now assess me for adhd as well. And guess what? They had done that assessment at the same time! And guess what? I had been formally diagnosed with it for two years already! They had just forgot to mention it? I guess?!?

So, anyway, I was born autistic and with adhd. But the autism was noted without being assessed during childhood. The adhd was somehow missed then and for years. Even though I am textbook. But then my adhd was noted, though not diagnosed, while my autism flew under the radar.

And then both got diagnosed but I only knew about the one. For several years. Regardless of being treated medically for the other one.

Should just call me breach, because I came to all of this ass backwards baby.