#. it's not like a super bad thing to write on your dating profile

[varricscrossbowbianca]

laughing, because some guy wrote in his dating profile '' i can configure your printer for you'' as if women didn't know how to do that lmaoo

[felixbit]

employee discount, p2

pairing: jeongin x gn!reader w. 1.5k genre: fluff, coffee shop au summary: part 2 of this fic, where you learn jeongin, a cute barista, has been giving you the employee discount at the coffee shop you frequent. after giving you his number, you decide to give it a chance. warnings: none a/n: this was super fun to write! there will be a part 3 (maybe not immediately), and it will be the final part of this story! thank you for all the support on this story :)

Ever since you walked out of the coffee shop with Jeongin's phone number on your cup, you've been smitten.

You thought that the little crush you'd had on the barista was a normal thing for a regular to have at their local shop. A cute worker was part of the fun of going. It turned out, understanding that he was at least the slightest bit interested turned you into a maniac.

After getting his number, you saved his contact in your phone and shot him a text a few hours later (and many attempts at psyching yourself up to do it) briefly saying hi and who you were. His response was almost instant.

jeongin: hey! was wondering when you'd say something

Even just one message had your heart stirring and jumping to conclusions. How long had you kept him waiting for? You forced a response out anyways.

y/n: worried i wouldn't say anything?

A pause. His texting bubble popped up once, went away, and back again.

jeongin: a bit. y/n: i'm here now!

Now that the first hurdle had been jumped through, things seemed to flow a little more naturally. His conversations over text felt as cordial as talking to him behind the counter, so you got the feeling he wasn't faking interest when you'd spoken in the past.

Originally you'd sat down to have a quick text chat with him before doing the rest of what you needed to on your lunch break. Unfortunately for you, Jeongin seemed a little too interesting and time slipped by quickly. Before you knew it, your allotted time to eat and relax was over.

y/n: bad news jeongin: what's up? y/n: lunch break's over. didn't even realize we'd been talking that long jeongin: oh gosh, i'm sorry for taking up your time! don't go hungry because of me y/n: pay me back in coffee tomorrow? jeongin: deal

After sending that text and clocking back into your shift, it dawned on you that what you said sounded a bit like a date invitation. Surely he knew that just meant you coming in normally, right? Not that you would be against a date. You considered writing a text to clarify but decided against it to get focused on work.

Throughout the rest of the day, you were plagued by thoughts of Jeongin. Normally you'd think of him once or twice and a smile would come to your face, but multiple times an hour was starting to get excessive. He was just a barista, wasn't he?

Your shift finally came to an end. As you were going home, your mind was still buzzing at the promise of seeing Jeongin tomorrow. It was almost hilarious how excited you were to see the guy you saw almost every day of the week. It wasn't even going to be that different than how you always saw him.

You got to eat your lunch when you finally settled in at your apartment. Maybe it was eating and thinking that got your mind away, but you found yourself opening your phone and searching up the name 'Jeongin' on social media. It wasn't a surprise there were quite a few people in the area with his name, but you searched anyways.

As you scrolled, one account caught your eye. The profile picture seemed like it could be him but the username confused you a bit. "i.2.n.8"? His display name was Jeongin, and when you opened the account it was almost immediately confirmed it was him. Username aside, you began to dig into his posts.

He was just gorgeous. There was no other way to put it. Every post was taken in a way that looked like he wasn't trying but somehow turned out perfect. The entire account seemed to have an unintentional aesthetic and you just couldn't stop scrolling and zooming in on photos.

Against your better judgment, you followed him. It wasn't five minute before he followed you back and you saw a text message pop up.

jeongin: stalker much? y/n: guilty

That night was fun. Your text exchange lasted almost another hour before you decided to go out. It pained you to say goodbye but you knew it was best not to burn out on conversation before you saw him next.

The next day rolled around and you were way too nervous about going out. You put on a work outfit that looked what you thought was your best and made sure to look as exceptional as you could.

The time came where you had to leave your apartment and face him. The trip over to the coffee shop was short as usual and a little too calm for how you felt inside. You approached the doors and peered inside, seeing Jeongin behind the bar hard at work.

Gaining your strength, you opened the door and walked in. Jeongin peered up from his coffee he was making and gave you a warm smile. You couldn't contain the feelings that felt like they were blooming in your chest. Either way, you continued on towards him.

"Good morning," Jeongin said in a sing-song voice as you approached, not looking up from his work.

You peered over the counter to see the cream design he was pouring into the cup, "Good morning, what are you making?"

"Ah, a little frog. I saw a video of someone making it and I wanted to give it a try," Jeongin snickered as he finished and showed you, "Looks a little lopsided, though."

It was true that the frog wasn't perfect, but it was perfectly cute. "It's wonderful. I love him."

"Well, if you like it, I like it," He said as he slid the coffee out and called out the name for the order. A man walked up and took the drink, smiling at the design. Jeongin turned his attention back to you. "What are we getting today?"

The two of you walked over to the register just as you had the morning before, "The same thing I get every day."

You began to grab your wallet from your pocket and Jeongin held out a hand, shaking his head. "My treat today. Pay you back in coffee, remember?"

A free drink was hard to say no to. You stuffed your wallet back in your pocket as he input your order into the system and punched in something that took the total down to zero. Jeongin really was sweet, wasn't he?

As he broke away from the cash register and walked back to the bar to start your drink, he looked up at you. "So, you went and found my socials yesterday?"

Your face flushed a bit. Even though it was true, you weren't expecting to be put on the spot for it. "Well, yeah. Couldn't help it."

Jeongin smiled deep. He was looking down at your drink, but his dimples gave him away. "Why's that?"

Again, not an easy question to answer honestly. "Your favorite barista gives you his number, why wouldn't you look him up?"

"Okay," Jeongin nodded, "Did I hold up to your expectations?"

After finding his page the day before you ended up looking at it an embarrassing amount of times. "I liked it, yeah. Did you like mine?"

"Yeah, it was so you," Jeongin looked up and you noticed a small flush on his cheeks, "That's a good thing, by the way."

You couldn't help but laugh. He was so charming and sweet, but he still had a bit of that boyish charm. "Thanks, I'd hope it was," You said, "How's it going over there?"

"Almost done, you keep me distracted," Jeongin grabbed a lid and popped it on your drink, holding it over the bar for you to grab from his hand, "There."

You reached over and took it from him, your fingers slightly touching and your heart pulled a few somersaults. God, this was a high school crush all over again. "It looks perfect, as always."

"My pleasure," Jeongin wiped down the bar with a cloth. You saw him stop for a moment, his eyes trained on something and his breathing was a little hard. He looked up and met your eyes, "Would you want to go out sometime?"

Oh. Oh shit. Maybe his flirting was a bit overt, but the question still caught you off guard. You stood there shell shocked for a few seconds as your brain relentlessly tried to reboot and catch up. Realizing you needed to respond, you nodded a little too hard. "Yes, yeah, I'd love that."

Before you could cringe at your own words, you saw the brightest smile on Jeongin's face. You'd never seen him smile so hard, but it certifiably made your heart melt. He nodded and seemed to compose himself. "You probably have to go to work, text me later about the details?"

You checked the time, muttering a small oh shit under your breath. A bit behind schedule, but you'd get away with it. No part of you wanted to leave him now that you agreed to a date, but duty calls. "Yeah, you're right. I definitely will!" You said as you began to walk towards the door.

"See you later!" He called out from the bar as you opened the door and walked out. Oh, shit. It was happening!

[berriblossom]

Cold hands and warm love

[Date with Death : Casper x Reader] [i am positively obsessed with this man that he's making write again| spoilers for endings#3 btw and the story.]

There's something so oddly soothing watching Casper sleep with Azrael in his arms, all snuggled up without a care in the world. His ghostly white locks sprawled against your shared bed sheets. His eyes ever so softly flutteribg against his pale cheeks, the rays of sunlight dance across his face, almost creating his own personal golden hour.

You chuckled at the idea. Casper wasn't a huge fan of super bright things. Even when you managed to convince him to walk outside your apartment with you, he dons a pair of black shades and scowls at everything. Now that you think about it, he's even more like a black cat than anything, rather than a sign of bad luck but rather for his sassy attitude and his dislike for certain things.

As you quietly watch from your desk, with your pet sitting in the empty sunny spot of the bed, you think back to how long its been since tou winning the bet and being a somewhat embodiment of life while your sweet little now former Grim Reaper is the opposite.

Goodness, one small picture shouldn't hurt? Besides, Casper can't argue with how many not-so-sly pictures he has taken of you randomly as of late. Even changing his profile pick of you sleeping with Azrael while you napped on your bed after work. He tried fighting it off, saying he mainly picked the picture because Azrael looked so good in it while you just happened to be there....no other reason...(he said this while fighting off a flustered face while gazing back at the picture. He then denied making it his lockscreen too.)

You picked up your phone and began to open the camera feature and angle the camera to get the best picture possible. Hell you even move from the desk to hover slightly over Casper and your pet to get the best angle. "Stay right there pretty boy....just perfect..." you mumbled while snapping a few silent pictures. You went to adjust his snowy hair to move from his beautiful face. Just as you touch his cool face, sleepy red eyes flutter open and the iconic pout appears on the reapers face.

"Sunshine....what are you doing? Why do you have your phone like that..." Casper's eyes flutter as he fights off the sunlight beaming through the blinds, all while his sour pout turns into a playful one. Your pet scatters away while Casper tries to snatch your phone away to see the sneaky pictures you've taken of his sleeping figure.

"Ah ah ah! Nope, absolutely not pretty boy, if you can take pictures then so can I!" You shuffle off the side of the bed while Casper jumps up to grasp your hand and to get those pictures. You tease and weave yourself away from him and the bed, sitting on the edge you laugh at how pouty and upset Casper is.

His frustration only exceeded when you decided to flash him the adorable and beautiful picture of him in his sleeping form. As casper has told you before, reapers do not need to sleep or eat. But the idea that he was so comfy in your blanket and bed, cuddling Azrael closely. It just made you want to tease your little reaper to bits. Though sadly your teasing and fun was put to an end.

Suddenly, you felt two strong cold hands wrap around your torso and squeeze you gently. You could feel Caspers lips against your neck as he mumbked for you to please delete the picture. As adorable and pretty as he could be in those moments...the little rat decided to try and tickle you to get you to give uo your phone.

Luckily you were quick enough to slip from his grasp again(heh get it) and make your way back to your bed while cherishing your sweet victory. "Sorry casp, but you look too good! I might make this my profile picture on the chat room too!" His frustrated groans on embarrassment only fueled your decision.

"Sunshin pleeasseee....just....atleast make it your lockscreeb to while your at it...since you can't stop looking and staring at me. Just can't get enough, silly mortal.." ah his ability to bounce back is incredible as ever. But still it was fun while it lasted. Casper came to join you on the bed while bringing you back close to him...somethibg about "being warm." But you did not mind.

You'll never mind, your soul brings him warmth, his perfect heater if youll say. You chuckle as he scrolls through his camera roll whie trying to find a picture of you(an god awful one) to place as his profile picture on the chatroom. Yeah its going to be a long day. But you never minded.

[angelic-sturniolos111]

Fresh Love Modeling 🍊

You never guessed that Chris Sturniolo would reach out for you to model his Fresh Love clothing brand. You had been following him on social media a while and definitely had a crush on him. What you didn’t know is that when Chris had seen your modeling portfolio he started crushing too. The two of you end up alone in his dressing room together after the photoshoot and things heat up.

chris sturniolo x fem! reader

entirely in Chris’s POV

warnings: cursing, flirty and smuttyyyyy

author’s note: writing this completely sleep deprived :) did not proofread lolz

I want to sit on his lap so bad in this pic

My Fresh Love brand is super important to me and I am so grateful that it has grown in popularity thanks to my fans. I want to grow this brand and reach out to creators and artists outside of the fandom in hopes that eventually Fresh Love Clothing can be sold in stores nationwide. A big part of Fresh Love, and any clothing brand, is the marketing which I take very seriously. I always want to have a diverse group of models, but ultimately they also should be attractive and have a cool aesthetic to be the face of the brand. I had sent out a model casting call last month, and my friend Tril and I were going through all the applications. Tril truly saw my vision and we were usually on the same page when it came to models we thought would work well for the brand.

Today was definitely a “work day” in the house— Nick was editing our recent car vlog, Matt was brainstorming video ideas, and Tril and I sat on the couch on our laptops going through hundreds of model portfolios together. We had been scrolling through applications for nearly two hours and I was honestly bored out of my mind. Luckily, we found a handful of models we like, but I still felt like one was missing. There was a certain look, a certain vibe, that I was looking for and I wasn’t sure what it was but I knew I’d know the second I saw them.

“Hey take a look at this one. I recognize this girl… I think she follows us on insta or something?” Tril says passing me his laptop. Damn. This girl was beyond fine. I scrolled through her portfolio pictures, and I really liked her modeling style. She didn’t look mainstream, which I liked, but she had a really unique look. “Do you recognize her?” Tril said interrupting my thoughts.

“No. I’d definitely remember her if I had seen her before.” I said. I went to the top of her application page, her name was Y/N.

“I like her portfolio and I think she’s a good fit for the brand.” Tril says.

“Absolutely. I really like her. I’m going to accept her application right now.” I said sending her an acceptance sheet back with the photo shoot information.

***

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t sleep. I always have trouble falling asleep because I’ll have a thousand creative ideas that I bounce back and forth in my head, but this time I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking of Y/N. Tril said she followed us, right? I grab my phone and open instagram and typed her name in the search bar, and her profile popped up. She was following Tril and I as well as my brothers, our group account, and our podcast account. Nice, she’s a fan! I went through her posts and God, she was stunning. I wanted to follow her, but I knew if fans saw that they’d get all sorts of crazy ideas and make assumptions so I decided I’d wait to follow her until the Fresh Love shoot would be posted so everyone knew who she was. I looked at some modeling shots she posted, laid back pictures with her friends, and I was unapologetically looking for any signs that she was dating anyone which from her profile she appeared to be single. I saw some of her swimsuit modeling shots she had done recently, and I zoomed in on all parts of her body. Her amazing body. She had these thick thighs that contoured perfectly with her cute ass. My thoughts wandered off, thinking of how badly I wanted those thighs wrapped around my head. I got hard at the thought of it. I continued to mindlessly stalk her instagram before I finally fell asleep… dreaming of her.

*** one month later ***

It was Fresh Love photoshoot day, or as I thought of it, the day I finally get to meet Y/N after crushing on her this past month. I got to the studio before any of the models were scheduled to arrive so I could talk with the photographers and mark out the spaces where I wanted to shoot. I get upstairs and see someone siting in a chair outside the photography studio. When they hear me approaching they look up, and my breath hitches in my throat, it was Y/N. My heart immediately started beating faster, but I knew I had to keep it cool both professionally and so I don’t utterly embarrass myself in front of her.

“Chris! Hey, I’m sorry I know the models aren’t supposed to be here for another hour. Honestly I was hoping to catch a moment alone with you before we shoot.” She says nervously with a big, beautiful smile on her face. She wanted to see me? Alone? I hadn’t realize I went silent for a moment while I was caught up in my thoughts until Y/N interrupted.

“Umm I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m just such a huge fan of yours and your brothers, and I wanted to tell you that. Also to tell you I am so grateful and excited to be modeling for Fresh Love. I love your brand and own a few things from it already just from following you for a while now.” She says.

“Oh, no you didn’t scare me! Sorry, I guess I just wasn’t expecting to see anyone this early. I’m happy to hear you’re a fan, and thanks for supporting my brothers and I, it means a lot. I really liked your modeling application and I’ve been looking forward to shooting with you.” I replied. I looked and sounded collected on the outside, but on the inside I was definitely nervous. I’m usually super confident talking to girls, even ones that I like, but Y/N had me acting different. She gave me a sweet smile before we walked into the studio together.

The other models started showing up as I led them to their dressing rooms where their Fresh Love clothing was waiting for them to change into. I stood in front of the backdrop for the first set of pictures and saw as the models rounded the corner all dressed in Fresh Love. Y/N wore the emerald green sweat set, and damn she looked good. The bright color just worked so perfectly with her complexion and brought out the color in her beautiful eyes. Seeing my own brand on her body drove me crazy. Man, this chick has me on a leash.

As time went by the photographers took group shots of all the models together, and some individual shots of each of them. When it came time for Y/N individual shots she was a natural. Her poses were relaxed, but strong and confident at the same time. She really wore the brand well and I was looking forward to seeing the results. She wraps up her individual shots and starts walking over to me.

“So, how did I look?” She says giving me a flirtatious look.

“Really, really great. I was thinking maybe we can get some pictures of just us two together for the Fresh Love instagram.” I said.

“Sounds great!” She says with a smile. She takes a step closer to me and leans in slightly, “Should I go change?” She asks but this time quieter so only I could hear. She makes me so nervous.

“Y-yeah. There’s, um, there’s a pair of joggers and a t-shirt in your dressing room if you want to change into that for me.” I said stuttering.

“Of course, anything for you.” She says confidently flirting with me. I think she can tell she made me nervous, and she was taking advantage of it. That’s so hot.

***

This time I was wearing the black hoodie and jogger set while Y/N wore the gray joggers and blue t-shirt. I sat on the couch we were using for the shoot, and she comes out of her dressing room to join me. She looked really great. I smiled at her and moved over so she could sit on the couch next to me.

“I’m thinking for the first few poses we just sit here kinda relaxed, looking at the camera. Then we do some where you stand behind the couch leaning over it while I sit here in front of you.” I said.

“Yeah sounds good!.” She says, and with that we start posing for the camera. The photographer has us scotch closer together, and I drape my arm behind her on the top of the couch. It was difficult to keep my eyes on the camera because all I wanted to do in the moment was to look at her. She moves off the couch to position herself behind it. “Like this, Chris?” She asks.

I turn around and see her bent over, arms crossed on the back of the couch. Fuck, her ass looks nice bent over like this. “Yeah, looks great.” I smile at her. I turn back around and the camera continues to click. We move around slightly to get different angles. She moves one of her hands to rest on my shoulder. I feel her hand slide up the back of my neck as her fingertips gently play around with my hair. The tension was palpable. I sharply inhale, a chill moving down my spine, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my cool much longer.

“Okay how about we call that a wrap for today. Great job everyone thanks so much for being here.” I blurt out getting off the couch, shaking a few of the photographers hands, before I quickly run into my dressing room without turning back.

***

In the dressing room I can hear the photographers packing up their gear and leave. The other models had gone home for the day, and I wasn’t sure if Y/N had left yet either. I found my answer when I hear a slight knock at the door, “Chris?” She says faintly, “Can I come in?” I’m frozen, I don’t answer before she comes into the room still dressed in her Fresh Love fit. “Are you okay? You seemed kinda frantic towards the end there.” She asks sincerely. I seriously debated telling her I liked her, but I knew that wouldn’t be professional of me.

“Yeah, I just get nervous shooting sometimes.” I lied. Y/N scoffs a little.

“You, nervous? I’ve never been more nervous for a photoshoot before. Having THE Chris Sturniolo sitting inches away for me all day long is something I had only ever dreamed of.” She laughs. “You definitely made me nervous today. God, I’m sorry I sound like such a stupid fangirl right now.” She says looking down.

“I never would have thought you were nervous. You seemed super confident today.” I say.

“Maybe. I tried to be confident so I could impress you.”

“Impress me?” I say a little surprised. She looks up and nods her head. I stand up and approach her meeting her in the middle of the room, “You’ve impressed me plenty, pretty girl.” I’m unsure of where this sudden boldness came from, but I could tell Y/N liked it when her body relaxed, and I could see her whole demeanor change. She looked up at me with seductive eyes.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she runs her hand up my arm before resting it on my chest, “I’m sure I can impress you in other ways too.” Her eyes flash from mine down to my noticeable, growing erection, and then back up to my lips. I can’t keep it in any longer. I lean down and kiss her soft lips, her hand meets the side of my face and my lips part for her to deepen the kiss moving her tongue across mine. We step back and my back hits the wall when her lips move from mine down to my neck bitting and sucking ever so gently.

“Fuck.” I moan softly. I feel her smile into my neck, and she moves a hand down to gingerly palm my boner over my pants.

“I’ve been wanting to touch you like this all day.” She says breathlessly as she pulls away from my neck to look me in the eyes.

“Oh yeah? What else have you wanted to do princess?” I ask suggestively. She smiles, and with that she drops to her knees. She hooks her fingers in the band of my sweatpants before pulling them down to my knees. She places soft kisses on my dick through my underwear, and the slight contact made me groan.

“Eager, aren’t we?” She says as she begins to pull my underwear down. My rock hard dick springs up and hits my stomach and her eyes widen while her mouth parts. She looks up at me and I begin to wrap her hair in my hand holding it back for her while the other gripped the chair next to me as I brace myself. She plants tiny kisses on my thighs on either side of my dick, and the teasing had my cock twitching with every kiss.

“Please, Y/N, please stop teasing.” I sigh. She runs her tongue from the base of my cock on the underside of my dick to the tip where she licks the precum from the slit. She swirls her tongue around my head a few times before pulling away and spitting into her hand. She spreads the wetness on my length as she pumps me a few times before wrapping her lips around my head and pushing her head forward. I let out a moan when I feel my dick hit the back of her throat. She keeps one hand tight at the base of my cock, pumping and twisting it as she bobs her head up and down on it. I’m a whimpering mess. My grip tightens in her hair as I help move her head at a steady pace. Her hand lets go of my shaft as she moves her head all the way forward, taking my full length into her mouth gagging slightly. I look down to see her already looking up at me with tears forming in her eyes. I felt my dick twitch in her mouth as I was close to cumming, but I tugged her hair and pulled her off my length before I could do so.

I move the chair I had been grabbing onto with one hand as my other reached for her chin and guided her to stand.

“Sit.” I demanded. She obliged and sat in the chair as I got to my knees and started pulling the sweatpants off of her. I caress her thighs with my big hands before pulling her thong off and I stare at her dripping wet cunt.

“Did I make you this wet?” I ask, and all she can do is shake her head. “I want you to use your words pretty girl.”

“Yes.” She whines out. “You always make me this wet.”

“Always?” I question. “Do you think about me when you touch yourself?” I ask. She nods her head again.

“Yes.” She says.

“Do you use your fingers when you touch yourself, princess?”

“Yes” she says. My fingertips move agonizingly slow up and down her folds spreading the wetness around.

“And who’s fingers do you imagine are pumping inside of you when you’re touching yourself baby.”

“Yours Chris. Always yours.” She moans out. Without warning I shove two of my fingers deep into her cunt eliciting a sweet moan from her lips. I pump my fingers in and out of her at a fast pace causing her to grip the back of my head roughly, my hair tight in between her fingers. I kitty lick her clit and curl my fingers inside her.

“F-fuck Chris.” She moans out. I continue moving my fingers in and out of her while I lay my tongue flat licking up and down her clit, sucking on it for a few seconds at a time. She pants, trying to catch her breath as she breathes heavier.

“Chris. CHRIS— I’m gonna cum.” With that I immediately pull my fingers out of her and raise my head.

“Not yet, princess. I want you to cum all over my cock for me baby.” I wrap my arms under her thighs and lift her off of the seat carrying her over to the makeup vanity counter across the room. I place her down and she stands facing me.

She reaches for the hem of her shirt to take it off, and I abruptly stop her grabbing her wrist tightly.

“Leave it on princess. I want to watch myself fucking you while you wear my clothes.”

My hands reach her waist and turn her around roughly pushing down on her upper back to bend her over across the counter. I look in the mirror to see her flushed face and eyes blown with lust. I had never been so sex hungry before. I ripped my hoodie off, and began to align my dick at her entrance. I slid the head of my dick in between her folds getting it nice and wet before I pushed in slowly making me groan loudly. Y/N gasps as I enter her, not ready for my size. I bottom out and stand still, letting her adjust to my length. Suddenly, without warning she begins to lean forward and back moving herself on my cock.

“Please move, Chris.” She begged. I smiled at her in the mirror. I started moving in and out of her with slow, hard thrusts. Her walls were warm and tight around my cock. We moaned together as I kept the steady pace.

“Chris?” She says.

“What is it princess?” I look at her in the mirror, half of her now messy hair covering her flushed pink face. She adjusts her arms to grab the front of the countertop. She lifts her chest up slightly, and the FRESH on her shirt is now visible in the mirror.

“Fuck me. Harder.” She pleads, and that was all I needed to hear. I went absolutely feral. I grabbed her hair with one hand making sure to pull her up enough that I could see her Fresh Love shirt in the mirror. My other hand laid flat just above her ass, pushing down so I could balance myself as I relentlessly thrust in and out of her tight pussy.

“Fuck. Fuck, Y/N! You feel so good pretty girl.”

“Chris, I’m gonna cum…” She whines breathlessly.

“Good girl. I want you to cum all over my cock for me.” I say back. We make eye contact in the mirror and I feel her walls clench around me sending a pulsating sensation through my cock, and I knew I was close too. Her face scrunches and she repeatedly moans my name. I feel her cunt tighten and relax around me as she comes all over my cock, and we maintain eye contact as she does.

Seeing her face while she came on my dick was what I needed. My thrusts got harder and sloppier as I felt my dick twitch inside her.

“I’m gonna cum, Y/N! Oh, FUCK.” I moan loudly as I feel myself release my big load into her pussy, my cum coating her walls. I thrust a few more times riding out my high before pulling out seeing our orgasms drip out of her cunt. Y/N turns to face me, and tries to stand but fails as her knees wobble and she grabs the countertop as to not fall down. My hands grab her sides to help balance her.

“You’re amazing, princess.” I say to her. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” I place a gentle kiss on her lips before moving my hands to the bottom of her shirt pulling it up. She raises her arms up as I lift the Fresh Love tee over her head. I crouch down and gently begin wiping her clean with the t-shirt.

“Chris! Not the Fresh Love shirt!” Y/N says surprised and in a concerned tone of voice.

“Baby, it’s my brand. I can do whatever the fuck I want with it.” I smirk, earning a cute giggle from her.

**********

This was my first time writing smut and I think it’s kinda trash but lmk what your thoughts are.

- Kay 🖤

[greg-montgomery]

hiii first of all let me say i am ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with your blog and that everything you post is amazing <333

.....and since your requests are open, let me give you the receipt to kill me 😈 (or to make my day, it depends)

so that would be a scenario involving hotch x reader + reader ovulating (or in the days before cycle when the hormones are all 🥴🦋🥰🤭🤤) + him being condescending in bed

my brain is fixated on this and I was waiting to request this to someone

⚠️ i am a consent-queen anon and i invite you to write this only if you can/feel like it/have the time to. If not, delete the ask bc i don't wanna make you uncomfortable, you're so sweet in your interactions <3

hiiii <3 you're so sweet!!! i'm super late to this, but i hope you're still around and get to read this and enjoy it <33 ilysm!

minors dni - 18+

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Those damn profilers….and you had to be the one to be dating one of the best of them. It was impossible to hide from Aaron.

It wasn’t common for you, wanting to hide things from him. He was the one who you trusted more than anyone else in your life. But sometimes, you felt…embarrassed of things.

Like that evening, you wanted to have sex with Aaron, but didn’t want to be the one who initiated it again. You were the one who was all over him the night before and that morning. It felt almost humiliating having to ask for sex again.

But you weren’t at fault. Aaron had just come home from work and he was so tired, he didn’t follow his usual routine of taking his suit off and running into the shower. That was the reason you felt guilty for wanting to disturb his resting time. But that was also the reason you wanted him so bad; his suit, his untied tie, the sweat on his forehead. And maybe also the fact that your little period calendar app had reminded you yesterday that you were ovulating.

Still, no matter how much you were trying to conceal your sudden and very much desperate desire for your boyfriend, he was clearly onto you.

“Why are you staring at me, honey?” he asked, not bothering to lift his head to look at you. His eyes were glued on the screen of his phone, going through his emails.

“Just missed you, that’s all.”

“I missed you too, baby.” His deep voice calling you ‘baby’ only worsened your problem. Maybe you just had to get some alone time and take care of it.

“Um…I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?” you said.

“Now?”

“Yeah. Did you wanna go first?”

He finally lifted his gaze from his phone and looked at you with a smirk. “Are you really that desperate?”

“What?”

Aaron threw his phone on the cushion next to him and spread his legs wider. “On my lap.”

As if you were under a spell, you got up without even thinking it, walked towards the couch, and straddled Aaron’s lap.

You were so turned on that even that light touch of your body meeting his sent sparkles to your clit.

His large hands went straight to your exposed thighs, rubbing them up and down.

“My princess,” he said leaving a small kiss on your lips. “Haven’t I told you that I want you to always ask me for what you need?”

“I don’t…”

“Don’t lie to me. I can tell you’re struggling,” he said with a soft laugh. And with a tone that suggested that you were pathetic he added, “You’re horny, aren’t you?”

“Aaron,” you whined, and hit him playfully on the arm.

“Aren’t you?” he repeated.

You were too embarrassed to reply with words so you just nodded your head.

“See? I can always tell what’s going on in that pretty head of yours,” he said, his hand cupping the side of your face, “so you may as well just ask for what you want. It’ll save us both time.”

“You’re being mean,” you said.

“Am I still going to be mean if I get you off?”

Embarrassed or not, his words made your eyes sparkle.

“That’s what I thought. Now take off your clothes,” he ordered.

As you were getting undressed, Aaron unzipped his pants and took his cock out. When you got to the part of taking off your underwear he started stroking himself slowly, not taking his eyes off you for a moment.

You were almost drooling watching him still all dressed up touching himself, and the ache between your legs was getting unbearable.

“Come back here,” he said, once you were fully nude.

His thumb started touching your clit, circling it in a slow pace that made your knees already tremble. “Aaron…”

“Do you like it?”

“Mhm…” you said biting your lip.

“You can be louder, sweetheart. No one’s home but us,” he said and slipped his middle finger in you.

“Ah…”

Aaron’s fingers were thick, and could make you see stars. But at the moment, nothing but his cock could really satisfy you.

“I want you to fuck me. Please, Aaron, I can’t…”

“Okay,” he said, leaning in slightly to leave an open mouthed kiss to one of your nipples. “Okay. I’ve got you.”

He kissed the spot between your breasts and looked up at you with a smile. “You really need me, don’t you baby?”

“So bad,” you admitted.

With that, he pulled you down by your hips, and you took his hard dick in your hand, guiding it into your hole.

“My God,” you moaned at the feeling of him finally filling you up. “Aaron…”

He threw his head back and swallowed harshly at the feeling of your pussy around him. “Ah baby…”

Aaron’s dick was big just like everything else about him, which was exactly what you needed; feeling him deep inside you, hitting every spot that made your thoughts blurry and left you thinking only his name.

Your movements were desperate, riding him and taking him all in like you needed. His hands were on your ass, not to guide you but more for his enjoyment.

You wrapped your hands around his neck and kissed him deeply, wanting to devour every drop of this man’s body. “You feel so good inside me,” you moaned against his mouth.

“You like it, baby?”

“I love it.”

You pulled away just enough for him to move his hands and cup your tits, massaging them as you rocked your hips against his.

“You always take it so well. If only you could see how desperate you look, baby. Just a dumb girl who’s always thinking about my cock, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Aaron. Yes,” you moaned, and the built up in your lower belly got bigger and bigger.

Aaron started rubbing your clit, faster than he did at the beginning, watching your movements getting more and more clumsy as you were getting closer towards your release.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined.

“That’s my good girl. Come on, baby. That’s my girl.”

Aaron’s encouraging words, his finger on your clit, and his dick buried in your pussy had you clenching around him and moaning his name. “Fuck.”

“Kneel for me. I wanna cum on your face,” he moaned.

Still feeling numb between your legs, you got on your knees in front of him and watched him as he stroked himself. Soon he painted you with his cum, and you enjoyed the feeling of the warm liquid on your skin. It made you feel his.

[its-time-to-write]

hi my lovely !!

i’m such a big fan of your jamie work and was wondering if you would consider writing about jamie using bantr ??

like she works at richmond and jamie had like a massive light bulb moment when he realised who he’s chatting to but also that he may be are falling in love

totally get if not on your radar !! x

Here you go!! I haven’t written a fic with Bantr yet, so this was fun!!

not saying you’re in love with me 

Dating apps aren’t really your thing. But to be honest, are they anyone’s thing? Or are they like resumes, where everyone just pretends they’re easy and lies about their qualifications?

It doesn’t matter, because you’re on one anyway. 

Keeley Jones (damn her) had hunted you down and practically begged you to sign up for Bantr. 

“Look, you’re young, sweet, and mad fit. Can’t have a bunch of hot footballers in the app and no ladies!”

You had groaned as you put the chicken for today’s lunch in the oven. It’s not easy being Nelson Road’s on-campus chef. There are diet plans to follow, and a million hungry boys all the time. 

It also means you can’t escape Keeley when you’re in the middle of prepping lunch. As soon as it’s served and cleaned up, you can go home. But for now, you’re at her mercy. 

“Keeley, just because I’m the only twenty-something girl on staff here doesn’t mean that I want to date a footballer. Go bother Samantha. She’s what, thirty and goes on dates every weekend? She’s a perfect candidate.”

Keeley pouts. “I’ll set up your whole profile for you. You don’t even have to tell me if you’re talking to someone, just if you like it, yeah? I’ll help you with meals for a week.”

You point your tongs at her. “You will not even think about touching my food for the rest of eternity,” you warn. 

“So you’ll do it, then?” Keeley asks, giving you the full puppy dog expression. 

You consider for a moment. You’re single at the moment, and have been for a good long while. It wouldn’t hurt to be on Bantr and anyway, it’s not like anyone will know who you are. 

“You’re sure it’s anonymous, then?” you ask. 

Keeley jumps up and claps her hands with a squeal. “Totally! Oh my god, I’m so excited for you. I’ll set it up right now. Give me your phone.”

You point to your bag. “It’s in there. Passcode is-”

“Already know it,” Keeley interrupts. You’re not going to question how or why, you just nod and throw your gloves in the trash. 

“Hairnet looks great on you, Keels,” you say conversationally. 

“Fuck you,” she replies, not looking up from your phone. “And- done! You’re ready to start bantering. Ooh, there are a LOT of men nearby! Wonder how many of them are part of AFC Richmond?”

You shoot her a glare, but she just grins. “Put my phone away,” you tell her. 

She slides it back into your bag. “Just promise me you’ll tell me if you like it. I’ll never ask for anything ever again,” she promises. 

You roll your eyes with a laugh. “Sure thing.”

—

STRIKE09 has sent you a message

You grab your phone as soon as it lights up. Keeley’s going to be fucking thrilled that you’re enjoying Bantr this much, and that you’ve been chatting with someone for a week. 

You open your phone to your chat. 

STRIKE09: finally off work

STRIKE09: how’s ur day

STRIKE09: burn anything?

BAKERGURL22: that was a one time thing!!

BAKERGURL22: work was fine. got off early so I could try a new recipe at home

BAKERGURL22: hbu?

STRIKE09: not bad. lads stole all my lynx so im going to boots to get more

BAKERGURL22: u really know how to romance a girl

STRIKE09: ah shit yea should probably try harder to impress u

You chuckle. Whoever STRIKE09 is, he’s been impressing you from the first day. Always asking questions about you, but never too invasive. Flirty, but not over the top. You’d set your age range in 20s-30s, so you were relatively confident this wasn’t some old creep. 

Your phone buzzes so you look down again.

STRIKE09: what did u make today?

BAKERGURL22: lemon cupcakes. not very healthy but super delicious

BAKERGURL22: I have to cook all this healthy stuff at work and sometimes I want to unwind and bake something with too much sugar ya know?

STRIKE09: bet theyre mint

BAKERGURL22: no they’re lemon

STRIKE09: oi, we got a comedian

BAKERGURL22: look, I had to make plain chicken and a salad with fucking olive oil as a dressing today

BAKERGURL22: it was so gross. I apologized 2 the staff but like, it’s what they all requested

BAKERGURL22: worried im gonna be banned from cooking ever again

Across Richmond, Jamie Tartt nearly drops his phone in Boots. He knows exactly who the girl on the other end of this conversation is. The question is, do you know who he is?

He’d assume no, based on the way you’ve been cagey about work. Not private enough though, because he remembers you making a face earlier that afternoon as you said, “Sorry this lunch is such shit, but I guess you all probably don’t care. I swear I’m a better cook than this.”

Jamie had smiled and kept moving, but he’d been thinking about your scrunched nose all day and the sweet way you said sorry.

What are the odds that he matched with someone who worked in the same building as him?

Apparently pretty high.

Jamie’s not really present the entire time it takes him to check out. He’s grateful that the combination of his hoodie plus the tired teen checking him out means he doesn’t have to talk to anyone. 

He kicks off his shoes and flops onto the couch as soon as he gets home, trying to figure out what to say. Should he say anything? What if he does and you decide you don’t like him?

He shrugs it off and puts his phone away for the night.

—

You frown at your phone for the hundredth time this morning.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” Keeley asks from her position at the coffee pot.

“Haven’t heard back from my Bantr match. It’s really strange. We were talking last night and then he just stopped responding. He at least sends me a good morning message, but I haven’t even gotten that.”

Keeley gives you a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, babes. Ghosting is an epidemic. Have you looked at any of your other matches?”

You shake your head and say, “Nah, I wasn’t really interested in them. I really fucking liked this guy. He was sweet, funny, and so good at flirting. I dunno, maybe it’s easier to be like that because it’s all through a screen, but it felt like we had an actual connection.”

“Well, you don’t have to message anyone else if you don’t want to. You can delete the app altogether.”

You say, “Thanks, Keels,” then go back to chopping vegetables. One bright spot of the day is that lunch will be less shitty than yesterday.

You slide the vegetables in the salad just in time. You hear the familiar rumble of AFC Richmond coming in from the field so you plaster a smile on your face and get ready to pass them their lunch.

—

The rest of the afternoon slides by in a haze. You put an earbud in as you wash the dishes, say goodbye to the office staff, then head out the front door to your car. Someone calls your name and you jump. “Jesus, Jamie.” You turn around to see him push himself off the wall by the door. It looks like he’s been waiting there.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “You headin’ home?”

You say, “Yeah, I only work for part of the day. What are you doing out here?”

Jamie wraps his hands in the front of his shirt and considers what he’s going to say. He’s been thinking about it all morning, and he’s still not sure what the right approach is.

“Look,” he begins hesitantly, “y’know how Keeley’s promoting Bantr?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“I been chatting up this girl, like, and she- I dunno, I really like her. I was thinking we could meet in person but I don’t know if she’ll… fucking… want to.”

Christ, he’s stumbling over his words like a goddamn fool.

You raise an eyebrow and say, “Okay..? Are you looking for advice?”

You’re beyond confused right now. This is the longest Jamie has ever talked to you, and certainly the most awkward he’s ever been. Usually he takes his food with a wink and a “Thank, love.” Sometimes he’ll even through in a compliment.

Jamie untucks his hands just to shove them in his pockets. Fuck it.

“I know it’s you,” he says bluntly. You open your mouth to say something, but he keeps talking. “Figured it out last night when we were talking. You made lemon cupcakes yesterday, yeah? You hated lunch yesterday and said sorry for it like a million fucking times. My username is fucking stupid, just my position and number.”

He stops, unsure where to go from here. Meanwhile, your brain is whirring a mile a minute. 

“You’re Strike09,” you say slowly. Jamie nods and you slap your forehead. “Oh god, I was flirting with you! Shit, this is so fucking awkward. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew who you were.”

“No, that’s the thing.” Jamie takes a few steps, closing the distance between you. “Don’t think we would’ve done it if we fuckin’ knew each other. But we did. And we like each other.”

Your head is still in your hand. This is too much. You’re conscious of the fact that you’re still in your hairnet.

You look at him just long enough to ask, “So what’s your point?”

“We should give it a go.”

You snort. “Yeah, right. What’s your actual point?”

Jamie looks at you incredulously as he says, “That is my actual fucking point! I like talking to you! I think you’re fit! I know I’m fit and you like talking to me. I sneaked out of training to talk to you. Told Roy I weren’t feeling well, and he’s gonna send someone to check on me soon so if you have a real reason why we can’t try dating, I want to hear it.”

“I don’t,” you admit. “It’s just a lot to process.”

Jamie nods. “Yeah, alright, yeah, sure. Let me know. Um, I have to get back before someone finds me. I’ll see you around.”

“See ya,” you halfheartedly reply. 

You think about Jamie the entire way home. You head straight to the kitchen and mechanically begin pulling out baking supplies. Cooking is fun, but it’s also your job. Baking is how you unwind. You’re halfway through an orange tart when you realize what you’re making. 

“Damn it!” you cry. Fucking Jamie. You smack down your spatula and grab your phone to text Keeley with a request. She responds almost instantly with Jamie’s phone number. 

He picks up on the second ring. 

“You rejecting me over the phone now?” he quips. 

“How’d you know it was me?” you ask. 

“Keeley,” he replies, and you can’t stop a smile from spreading across your face. 

“Same,” you say. “I wanted to tell you that I thought about it, and I want to go out with you. I don’t know when you’re free, but I’m around after 3pm pretty much every night. God, that sounds super lame.”

Jamie laughs. “So if you sent me your address, I could be at yours in…”

“Fifteen minutes,” you supply. 

“Set a timer, babe,” Jamie says. “Bet I can make it in ten.” 

[eunoias-blog0]

Dating Calvin Fischoeder headcannons [Cause I'm too lazy to write a full fic]

My bad if the spacing is very strange, I wrote this on Google docs on my laptop and had to paste it, please forgive me if it's bad lol

@self-shippingbingus e

Meeting him for the first time!!!

●Yall meet at the restaurant, obviously

You're there to visit your older brother Bob and his wife and kids, he's there to collect rent.

You're messing around with the kids when he comes in.

"Hello Belchers! And…you." 

Linda is immediately suspicious.

You greet him with a shy nod and a hello, before he turns to Bob and asks about you.

Bob explains that you're his younger sister, born just before his mother died. [Reader is late twenties/early thirties]

He nods and goes quiet before asking you for your name. You give it to him and he immediately gives you an odd nickname.

It's weird but endearing.

He collects the rent silently and leaves, glancing at you several times during the whole interaction.

He's got a crush <3

        First time he asks you out!!

●You're at the pier with Louise, Gene and Tina when they leave you alone to go on some ride you were scared of (me projecting my fear of rollercoasters lmao)

He finds you sitting alone on some random bench and stops to say hello, asking you some questions about yourself and what you thought of WonderWarf

He specifically asks you how you feel about the rides he came up with/ parts of the Warf he designed.

He gets all flustered if you compliment them <3

He later asks you if you felt like going on the ferris wheel with him, to which you decline as you can see the kids returning, but offer to go another time instead.

He nods and says he'll meet with you the next day for a date in the Warf

He walks away before you can answer, only giving you a time and what to wear 

It goes lovely, he gets you dinner afterwards at a nice restaurant (you make sure to tell him Jimmy Pesto's is off limits, which he respects) and you give him a kiss goodbye at the end of the date <3

          Dating him!!

●I don't pin him as a super jealous guy, but he definitely gets a little possessive most of the time. He's not super vocal about it, opting to just wrap an arm around your waist and glare at the person or rest his hand on your lower back and whisper in your ear. He also gets super pouty and upset if you ignore him.

He takes you on his trips everywhere, it annoys Felix sometimes but he's gotten used to it.

He's not above firing someone or upping their rent if they upset you.

He loves physical touch but gets fidgety and can't sit still for all that long, but he loves messing with your hair or your hands, holding them and/or tracing random shapes on the back of them softly.

Gives THE BEST forehead kisses and usually gives them when he's proud of you/happy.

Shows you off to EVERYONE 

He is so happy you're his, he wants the whole universe he's yours.

He won't show it very outwardly in public but he's always smiling even slightly when you're around. 

He's not too bothered about telling your family, but he knows you're worried about Bob finding out so he keeps a low profile when they're around/when he comes to collect rent.

Except he doesn't really and he still flirts with you constantly, he just doesn't let on you're dating.

The kids definitely know. Especially Tina, she thinks it's super romantic and cool that you have to hide your relationship. 

He calls you honey, darling, my love, beloved, mistress and Dove

You call him Cal, Caviar (rich person joke lol), Fish-man, sweetheart, my love, and hon <3

      Telling Bob and Linda about you guys!!

●I think how Bob finds out is that one time him and Calvin were tied under the pier. 

Calvin suggests calling you, knowing you'll answer. He recites your number off by heart as if Bob doesn't know and Bob gets suspicious.

He starts asking questions and gradually starts yelling, a mixture of confusion, anxiety from the whole pier thing, and hurt that you didn't tell him.

Might make a fic out of this lol

Calvin explains, leaving out the details he knows you would be able to explain better and general stuff he thinks you'd rather talk to Bob about in private.

Bob slowly calms down and talks about how he's scared of how much his younger sibling is growing up so fast.

Calvin sympathises as he felt that way with Felix (tho felix still acts like a child most of the time)

After they're out from under the pier, you run into his arms crying and yelling at him to never scare you like that again. 

He pats your head gently and kisses your forehead, still aware of Bob being around though he's occupied with Linda and the kids.

Linda sees you guys hugging in a more-than-friendly way and gasps

Bob just sighs and is like "Yeah, I know." 

The kids start telling them about how they knew all along.

You have a heart to heart with Bob later on, he says he's not entirely okay with it but he understands you love Calvin, and that you'll always be his kid sibling no matter what <3

          Random headcannons!!(some nsfw)

●He LOVES to spoil you. Too much at times and Felix gets jealous.

Felix was jealous when you first started dating but you guys are friends now.

You and Fanny hung out before she tried to murder your brother and your boyfriend and several other of your loved ones.

He wants kids but realises it's already a burden living with the Fischoeder name and is scared he'll be a bad father.

Grover had a crush on you when he first met you and tried to fight Calvin for you. He lost.

NSFW ahead!!!!

○Breeding kink.

Probably more of a sir kinda guy than a daddy but is down if you're into it.

He'll choke you but only lightly, he doesn't wanna hurt you.

Spanking is good though, if you're OK with it. The choking is just a little much considering he's been almost murder several times.

He's like a good 5-6 inches. 

Insecure about his body but you make sure he has nothing to worry about obviously.

Loves to praise you!!!!! All the praise!!! 

Praise mixed with teasing but no heavy degradation.

"Such a naughty little thing, so good for me"

Will degrade you if you ask but his default is praise <3

[sucrows]

https://www.tumblr.com/sucrows/718019701660434432/ough-the-new-crazyb-summer-collab-things-visuals

PLEASE DO IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY

(link to previous post)

alright. doing this hc style because that'd be fun. Also committing a cardinal sin in writing directly into tumblr drafts instead of a second document so lets see how this goes.

uhm "let's see how it goes" it's been almost 5 months since i typed that. writing into drafts is the easiest way to forget about something it seems! Whatever I'll answer this now

and now its been 1 full year since i received this ask and i am only now finishing it up.... not doing graphics or putting this in my masterlist or anything so have fun finding it later on.

Under cut due to length! Primarily sfw with mentions of hooking up

RINNE:

Opens up a dating app profile for the fuck of it while he's really bored, it's not really his style, he'd much rather go out and physically meet someone tbh but why not

Matches with a good amount of people but tends to get bored of conversation with his matches realllly quickly. If he is vibing with someone though he's also really quick to invite them out to a bar or something

If you manage to catch his attention. and you accept his invitation, expect to be dragged around for a whole night of shenanigans

His ideal date is getting lunch, walking around until dark, getting tipsy, then bar hopping. He gets his duties done earlier on in the day so that he can spend the rest of the day with you.

If he ends up not liking you of course, he's not going to spend any more time with you than he has to. He comes up with some random excuse that you both know is bullshit and if you question him, he's not afraid to just tell you with no sugar coating that he's not into you

He'll be flirty and suggestive but he'll probably hold off on actually initiating anything until you either ask him to or make the first move yourself. He doesn't have something against some casual fun. He doesn't really have anywhere to take you back to thought so unless you have your own place, then an alleyway it is

He might actually treat you to a meal as thanks afterwards and just chill with you. After you get up to any kind of fun he's actually pretty calm afterwards.

He won't block you afterwards even if he wasn't really a fan of you. He'll still might hit you up again when he's bored as long as you weren't an explicitly bad lay. There's definitely potential to go from fwbs to lovers with him

Spend enough time with him and then one day he'll just show up and announce you're dating and from then on you'd be stuck with him lol

HIMERU:

So this either goes one of two ways. Either someone else signs him up for a dating app and secures him a date and he gets guilted into now leaving the person hanging OR when out of town he posts a profile with no images of his face just his body to get laid.

In the first scenario, he does his best to seem polite but ultimately disinterested. If you somehow manage to charm him and he has a good time, he'll be pretty conflicted.

He knows it's a really bad idea, but he won't be able to stop thinking about you. He might try to ghost you for a bit in hopes it'll smother whatever interest he had, but it probably doesn't work.

Either he caves when you message him after a good few days or he caves after a week and comes up with some excuse for not responding. From there it's complicated. He's very secretive and honestly it's a red flag but hey if you ignore it that's on you.

If it seems like you can't handle the way he keeps you at an arms-length for a while or that you might be a threat somehow, he will leave you. Most likely via sending a breakup text and then immediately blocking your number.

If we're talking about the second scenario though? His profile is just a pure thirst trap and he swipes on any person who seems like they'd be down for a no strings attached fuck. He's super quick to unmatch or block people if they give him the wrong vibes.

If you fit his criteria and seem like a good fit? He'll invite you to a hotel and spend a few hours with you. After it's all over he'll probably order some food for you both and stay with you until you fall asleep, then he runs off before you wake up.

Depending on how much he liked you and how trustworthy you seemed, he might thank you and promise to text you the next time he's in town orrrr he might also send a goodbye text then block you.

potential for FWB to lovers? would have to really be a slowburn but the potential is there.

NIKI

Ok so Niki is quite busy with his day-to-day life and I can't really see him going out of his way to set up a dating app account. He's another one who probably gets into this from someone else either making him an account or someone else convinces him to do so.

He's pretty liberal with his swiping. He doesn't exactly have a specific goal in mind while he's doing it so he kinda just goes for the ones whose bio makes it seem like they'd get along with him

He's pretty down to go out for a meal with most people relatively quickly but it might take him a bit longer for him to invite somebody out. When he does decide he likes someone enough to invite them out, he's honestly pretty likely to invite them to cafe cinnamon for a treat.

Niki's genuinely a friendly guy and seeks to know someone as a person and a friend before he makes any romantic or sexual moves on anyone. This doesn't mean he wouldn't reciprocate if someone else made the first move though.

If you make a pass at him, he's generally speaking down pretty quickly. Maybe not first date level quickly, but still pretty quickly. He's not really easily embarrassed or a prude by any means so if he likes someone as a person well enough, he doesn't see why not to enjoy himself.

He'll take you back to his place or go with you to yours without much fuss. After you guys have fun, he'll probably try to make some food or raid your kitchen for snacks. He has to feed himself first because of his condition, but he'll always feed you too.

I imagine he's probably bad at reaching out to people first to make plans and often loses track of how long it's been since he last talked to someone, but don't mistake that for disinterest! he's pretty non judgemental and as long as you weren't explicitly an ass, he's very likely to give you a second date.

[landwriter]

I've been really enjoying hearing you talk about your writing :) But I was a bit ?! to hear that you've never read the comics, for no reason other than I love them and think you would enjoy them.

If you have the opportunity, I would 8000% recommend Season of Mists to you and your lovely followers. It's so fun, and has so many wonderful character cameos from Egyptian, Norse, Japanese mythology, plus the Fae, plus Angels!, plus OCs, PLUS Hob. And it's a fucking lovely storyline.

And I do think it's Dream at his most, well, Dream. The premise is literally just:

Desire: Honestly sending Nada to Hell was a dick move.

Dream: Oh, fuck off.

Death: I mean. It was though.

Dream: ??? Like, actually...???

Dream:

Dream:

Dream: Shit, my bad. Okay fuck it, guess I'm going to free Nada from Hell.

Everyone: You know Lucifer & co. are LITERALLY going to try to kill / imprison you, right? And like, will probably succeed?

Dream: ??? Okay, and...???

Thank you :) And I know, I know! I'm not averse to reading them at all but it's mostly a time thing. Maybe after next season or in preparation for it? I adore mythology and I'm sure I'd love it. Also that's an incredible pitch haha!

I did, actually, almost get into The Sandman comics once. It was a near miss. Years ago, I went on this date with a guy. From OkCupid. Remember OkCupid?? Longform online dating, what an era! And we had this super charming banter over messages. We talk about authors including Neil Gaiman (foreshadowing music). He riffs off of a dumb Shakespeare pun I had on my profile about my love for potatoes.* We decide to have a picnic.

There's a thunderstorm that day. Appropriately inauspicious. He invites me to his place to wait for the weather to improve. I head over to hang out.

It was not great. In hindsight, it was one of the worst dates of my life. (So far! Always room for improvement.) His personality was WILDLY divergent from what I had expected, and also generally enjoy being around. But I'm really good at muscling through awkward dates and really bad at being like "I never plan on seeing you again!" on the spot, so when he insisted on loaning me his Sandman comics as I was trying to leave, I took them. I took them. I'm sorry. I was in my early twenties. It's my only defense.

I went home, marinated, decided yes, I really do not want to go on another date with this guy, sent him a message politely saying as much, and said I'd return his books. He said he was home all weekend so I could just come by whenever. So I trek back to his a day or so later with the carrier bag of Sandman comics. I am not looking forward to this interaction. If the vibe wasn't so bad there would've been a second date you know? The vibe, it was bad.

But lo and behold, as I walk toward his apartment complex, I see someone a ways ahead going up the steps. I see them stop to fish out their keys. I see an opportunity. I walk faster. They open the door and go inside. I break into a Business Casual Sprint. I grab the door juuuust before it closes again. I'm breathing heavily. I try to breathe quieter. I tip-toe down the stairs to his basement unit (it was a basement unit) and delicately hang the bag on his doorknob like I'm playing a game of Operation. No buzzers go off. I turn on my heel and flee. My heart is soaring. The air tastes sweeter. I have pulled off my reverse heist. I text him from the warm comfort of public transportation that I left them outside his door.

And I never thought about The Sandman again for six years.

*'Stars, hide your fries' (He replied Let not oven black my deep desires. I mean, you can see why I went.)

[copperbadge]

hey sam! i don't want to dump a research question on you, but just in case this is your remit - do you have any apps or browser extensions or similar for adhd and studying? i know about screen tinting and white noise, but if there's anything out there (paid or not) that you recommend, please wax lyrical! i'm collecting a doc of links for study tools beyond pomodoro style apps!

Man, screen tinting and white noise is already well out ahead of me, Anon :D I never did either of those while studying. I can't deal with screen tinting, but I did eventually start using ASMR videos as white noise when I was in my thirties, when I was working. Lo-fi beat music (often designated FOR studying on youtube!) often helps. Other than that I'm afraid I don't have any tools to link to -- no apps, no programs, no sites. I simply don't use any for learning/studying. I have a lot of tools but they're for managing personal life and very finely-tuned to me, so it's stuff like using google sheets to keep my calendar, and using Tasks to manage my chores. It's not to say you can't or shouldn't use apps and extensions, it's just not something that existed when I was in college and not something I make use of now.

My work, while very focus-intensive and intellectual, and involving synthesizing a lot of data, is also very temporary -- the data arrives in my brain, is put to use, and then goes immediately back out again. I've actually trained myself to have no long-term memory for some things, which is probably a bad thing, but every job I've had since 2008 has involved remembering very specific data for somewhere between five minutes (answering phones, remembering names) and two days (building a profile of a donor).

My study techniques when I was in school were less about environment and more about structure -- how I built my lecture notes and how I transferred them to a method for study.

In class, I found it helpful to take notes on blank paper, unlined, so that I could draw pictures and diagrams and structure my notes in a less linear fashion than lined paper would have encouraged. I should dig some out and take some photos sometime. So I had this artist's 8x11 pad of paper with diagrams and outlines and paragraphs all over the place. (I also tried graph paper but didn't like that, too much visual interference.)

I would start reviewing my notes for the eventual exam pretty soon after taking them -- about a month after any given lecture I'd go back to my notes and start review, which sounds a little insane, but was for me super helpful. I would get a deck of 3x5 cards and start moving what I thought were the vital points from those month-old notes over to the 3x5 cards. I didn't use them as flashcards (except for Latin class), I just put notes on various cards when they seemed to go together, and I'd carry the cards around with me and take them out and read them over. It made them very portable! And it meant that I could study in small chunks across a long stretch of time, which probably was very ADHD-compatible because it meant I saw everything a lot and it became "background noise" in the sense that I retained it.

I did kind of have the classic "gifted child" habit of not studying much because I rarely needed to, and for me that fortunately did carry over into college and grad school. With a few exceptions, I didn't have to study much for my exams, and the index cards covered what I needed. The struggle that I had was writing papers -- the classic ADHD "can't get started, hyperfocus once I do". I did eventually figure out the pattern, and so what I'd do was just block out the weekend before the paper was due (often I set the due dates ahead of the real ones in my calendar) and sit down and do the whole-ass paper across about 18 hours. If I knew the time was blocked out for it ahead of time, then that would propel me into actually getting started, and I'd bang the thing out.

So yeah, a lot of my study techniques for living with ADHD, not that I knew I was, came down to stretching studying way out over several weeks to months, and compressing paper-writing into weekends.

But also like...IDK man, cut yourself a lot of slack, I was studying and writing papers before smartphones existed, before my undergrad campus had wifi. If I wanted to check my email, because I didn't have a computer freshman year, I had to go to the computer lab across campus. It made research harder, of course, but it stripped me of a lot of opportunities to goof off. And because my brain was never trained to expect instant digital gratification, I never had the urge to put my notes down and check my smartphone.

So, maybe there's that, too -- if you find that while studying you get distracted a whole bunch, it may be useful to do some digital "hygiene" -- train yourself to go stretches without checking your phone or your browser, starting small and moving up to five, ten, fifteen, sixty minutes. I can't say that will help everyone or even be possible for everyone, but I think it's something to try.

Readers with ADHD (including self-diagnosis), feel free to chime in with the ADHD-centric study tools you use! I'd like to ask that neurotypical people not share their techniques here, only because people with ADHD tend to get a lot of well-meaning advice that is unfortunately not super applicable to the neurodiverse, which can be really frustrating and depressing. And remember to comment or reblog, as I don't repost asks sent in response to other asks. Thanks everyone!

[halamet-chalamet]

hello!! I saw your Spencer Reid headcanons and I LOVE IT!! I'd like to put my own in, if that's okay! I'm around 5'5, I have short brown hair with matching eyes. I've always felt super SUPER insecure about my nose, though-- it seems too flat for my face. my style completely ranges, but I stick more towards a 'flashy' esque-- I like being impressionable to whoever I see, even if I've known them for years! I'm an ENTP. My interests are musical theater, art, basically anything in the fine arts and I love it! except for instruments... not very good with those. though I am trying to get back into piano! I'm (ironically) learning "The Smile of a Child", better known in it's appearance in the episode "Coda". I love singing, it's a huge passion of mine. I'm very outgoing, and I like meeting people, but I'm more than a bit awkward while meeting new people. I only like eye contact after looking over someone's body language, and learning their name. I'm insecure about my laugh but I rock it-- I just think I'm a bit too loud and obnoxious at times. I study psychology in my free time-- especially the aspects that sleep has on our lives. Just last night I talked to my friend about getting more sleep! I'm caring, and I stress bake A LOT-- I won the "Betty Crocker" award in my company. Another thing I do to wind down is to listen to music-- I usually listen to Bruno Major to wind down for the night. I'm an insomniac, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD, which most likely explains all of the above!! tysm and sorry for the infodump omg <3

Never apologize for info dumping me! You sound like you’re so beautiful! I love unique noses they’re so beautiful!! Also I’m an ENTP tooo so… twinsies! Okay you and Spencer let’s gooooo~

Spencer needs someone kind of exciting!

He loves your fashion sense!! And your boldness and how it’s truly you he just adores it!

Spence kisses your nose ><

He’s not a big lip kisser in general, in public especially

So he would give you a quick nose kiss. Even if you told him to stop he would pout like “nooo why?” And do it again.

I think he also loves theatre!!! And for a date would buy tickets to a show you’ve really been wanting to see.

asks you to sing him to sleep but only once and it was after a really bad case and poor baby was so embarrassed and so surprised when you said yes..

Giggles but is so encouraging while he watches you learn piano

Always hits you with the “it’s sounding nice honey”

In the most domestic adorable way

Also he loves your laugh

I think he himself is insecure about his because he thinks it sounds dorky

But Spencer thinks your laugh is the most adorable sound in the world

He probably has some weird facts about laughing let’s be honest

Spencer gets so happy when you’re excited to meet the BAU team! He loves seeing you interact with them!!

Imagine since you study psychology and like to observe people the way you do. You and Spencer at some social gathering just profiling, analyzing, observing, and slightly judging everybody. It would be the funniest thing

Spence and you can trade sleep psychology facts! He’d fall deeper in love lets be honest.

Bake for or with this man

If you bake for him he’s so thankful and continually compliments it.

He’s all “this is actually the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Ever.”

If you bake with him tho??

He’s super precise about all the ingredients and probably throws flour at you once :0

Helps you however he can with your anxiety and ADHD!

If you’re ever uncomfortable in a situation he gets you out quiiiick

Spencer just loves you okay osbaixnaonapmzjaiwpjfoakd

Okay thank you for listening to me rant!! I hope you like it :) have an awesome super extra fantastic lovely day/ noon/ night. Love you byeeeee

A/N: Thank you guys for all the ship requests! I might (key word might) be closing them soon to catch up, but so far I’m pretty on top of them! Just a reminder that I also write blurbs and stuff if you ever have a request like that! I need to find out how to link my request rules in my bio tho.. anyway love you all byeeee 👋💕

[vizthedatum]

I’m not on any dating apps right now and haven’t been for the whole year (except Lex but I got one date from it when I wasn’t expecting to and also wasn’t even active on it except for follow queer community drama tbh).

So if I were to go back on them, what would my profile even say???

Like…

“Hi I’m a queer neurodivergent person which means that when you meet me, you’ll stereotype me as the “manic pixie dream girl” who is plus size with big boobs and completely disregard the following:

- I’m not a girl

- manic pixie dreaminess means I’m autistic so I will guess social cues with varying levels of accuracy, have meltdowns when I am uncomfortable with the uncertainty of things or because of sensory issues, and ultimately be a person you grow to dislike because I won’t be “the person you grew to love”

- I’m trans and gender fluid to be more specific - I can be very “masc” at times and you have to be ok with that if you wanna do things with me

- you’ll like my body initially but will be turned off by how “abled” I look while being disabled. Or maybe you just secretly like bigger bodies while not wanting to be seen in public with them. Maybe you don’t really like saggy boobs unless you can use them as a toy without regarding me as a person. Sometimes you won’t even believe that I’m disabled. Sometimes you’ll be so oblivious to the fact that I’ve gotten this far that when I do have disabling moments (mentally, physically, doesn’t matter), you’ll want to institutionalize me, control me, tell me that I shouldn’t do things alone, tell me that I don’t know how to behave in public, try to make decisions for me without my input, try to take care of me when you don’t even know how to take care of yourself, etc.

- that you just want to have fun and not a real relationship (whether it be serious or casual)

- that you will remove yourself from my life because you don’t think you can match up to my expectations without discussing explicitly what my expectations are

- I will call you out on your problematic behavior and I expect you to do the same for me

- you will see my hypersexuality and pigeonhole me into being used for nothing else… ultimately not caring about what turns me on, what makes me feel good, what would satisfy me

- you won’t value me a whole person because you’re projecting your insecurities onto me

- you will likely not be honest with me and you won’t understand that I need people to be brutally honest and explicit with me (even if it’s bad) BECAUSE I CANNOT READ BETWEEN THE LINES (it’s all guessing and intuition) BECAUSE I AM AUTISTIC

- so you’ll just be upset and you’ll also think I’m not worthy of actual courtship and respect because I’m not behaving the way you want (after all, even if you’re also queer, you grew up in a patriarchal world and aren’t questioning your internalized misogyny, ableism, and homophobia)

Anyway, I like to travel, read books, write, watch TV, go on long walks, swim (!!!), and eat/make food!

Really sapphic but also demisexual. I’m also ACAB but because of a lack of protective resources for autistic feminine people in this country and my own trauma, I have decided that I will call the cops on you if you hurt me (and I have a video camera at my door, and I have a blue belt in kung fu (had to stop because of knee issues but I can high kick you in the face or low kick you in the genitals any day)).

I love to serve but I also love flowers and feeling loved. If I’m burnt out, I can’t serve. I am not your personal calculator, fixer, or sex toy. I will trigger you by telling you what I think about you AND I’m super fun and laidback and just want to cuddle, smoke, and watch shows tbh.

Mwah!

Femboy out.”

[gold-andgranite]

sweet disaster // the notes + the prologue

hey y’all! ever since finding the tgm community here on tumblr earlier this summer I’ve had a little idea floating around I just couldn’t let go of. after incubating said idea (read: storyboarding and note taking/ visualizing scenes as I’m driving/ having hot girl backyard time/ while washing dishes/ as I am folding laundry/ etc. etc. etc.), I got a first little prologue-y type chapter written up! I have a vague idea of where this fic is headed but I’m allowing myself the creative freedom to not have anything super nailed down yet, and instead just letting this little world evolve however it will. we will find out together! I have missed writing lately, and even though most of my writing over the years has been either academic or free verse poetry, I’m excited to give prose a try! 

a bit of housekeeping: I wrote this initial bit as a second person pov but with a named character (we are JJ). it’s what felt the most comfortable to write, but if it really weirds all y’all out, I’d be willing to accept that constructive criticism and switch to a different pov. I want us to feel immersed, but if it gets clunky (especially with, perhaps, pov changes later on) then I’m willing to change the pov, and that would include tweaking this chapter as well post-posting. 

as far as warnings go? each chapter will have chapter-specific warnings, as needed, but overall this story will touch on mental health issues, a bit of angst, some smut down the road, language, military inaccuracies, etc. basically the usual warnings for most fics on here -- like I said, I will update those warnings for each chapter as they arise. we’re starting off super mellow with just a slight language warning for this teaser trailer appetizer thing. 

okay! I think that about does it for now! I’m really excited to go on this journey with y’all!

-- goldi 

“JJ, come ON! You have nothing else going on today! You’re taking a day off from working out, you went grocery shopping yesterday, and I know you’re not working later today, either.” She ticks the reasons off on her fingers before throwing a particular withering look your way, dropping her chin to really send the point home. You inhale sharply, lowering the coffee mug from your lips, counterpoints halfway off your tongue, already feeling the words in your mouth – but, well, fuck. As your best friend, roommate, and coworker – you didn’t have counterpoints. And she knew it, fighting her smile at first, being a good sport about it, but you both knew her eyes were twinkling with excitement.

“Okay. Okay.” You put your hands up in surrender, laughing now, as she squeals and rushes forward to throw her arms around you.

“Yay! Yay! Emi said yes, too! I promise, J, it’s gonna be fun. We’ll have fun! It’s something different! And . . .” she smirks, really going heavy on the whole “devil in the angel’s eyes” thing. “I wanna go support our troops, you know?”

At that, you roll your eyes. “Really, Kennedy? This still?”

“YES.” She held your shoulders in her hands, staring directly into your soul. “JJ. My last date was a fuckin’ trainwreck. I can’t do it anymore! I don’t wanna keep sifting through shitty profiles on my phone only to get a go on a lukewarm-at-best, somebody-sedate-me at worst date!!” She’s graduated to shaking your shoulders, a quarter laughing but three quarters serious. Parker, the most recent online dating disaster, was a pretty bad date for her, you knew that – beginning with when he honked and texted “here” to come pick Kennedy up. She hates that shit – you all do, of course. The group chat went feral over that one. 

“I know, Ken. I’m sorry. I’ll go, okay? I’ll be your wingwoman, if you need. I just – I really don’t want you to get hurt, okay? You’ve had your fair share of shitbags, and –”

“JJ, god, I’m not looking for anything serious! This is an attempt at streamlined efficiency more than anything else,” she giggles. “I just wanna go spend my afternoon looking confused at an air show, take in the beauty of the United States military machine” – cue eye roll – “flirt with as many men as possible, and see how many numbers I can get. We’ll be like those women in the USO in the forties! It’s really your patriotic duty, J.”

“My patriotic duty?? USO? Jesus, Ken –” you break off, fully cackling now, coffee set down on the counter a safe distance from where you’re gripping the counter bent over laughing. “Should we bring little American flags to hand out, too?”

That catches her off guard. “I mean . . . I think I’m covered on the tiny flag front . . .” The mischief glints in her eyes over a knowing smile, a language in which only best friends are fluent.

“KENNEDY!” You gasp, pretending to be scandalized. Your best friend could kill a man without laying a single finger on him, you know this, but her penchant for flair still caught you off guard at times. “You are NOT wearing your stars and stripes undies to this air show! I thought you were just getting phone numbers!” 

Kennedy sighs, planting her hands on her hips. “Ohh, but I am, J. I am.” She passes by you, patting your back. “We leave in an hour! Emi is meeting us there!” she sings as she glides down the hallway. “It’s gonna be fuuuuuuuun! You’re gonna have fun, JJ!!”

You turn back to your coffee, threading your fingers through the handle, shaking your head at Kennedy’s antics. You knew she was right; if all you did today was watch your best friend flirt with men in uniform, narrating the encounters documentary-style with Emi, then it’d be worth it. 

Memorable, at the very least.

[dzpenumbra]

2/28/23

It's much earlier than I normally write. I'm absolutely wiped today. But it's been a big day, full of big accomplishments.

I didn't sleep well, I had very difficult dreams. This is pretty run-of-the-mill now. I'm really hoping that will change soon.

I've been doing this thing on the dating apps that I rarely look at because I just... don't get any connections at all... and it's really depressing... where I will pull up the profile of someone that I'm somewhat interested in, and then I'll just put down my phone for a while, tab out of the app, etc. Then later, I'll look at it and see if I still feel the same way.

I have a very serious problem with seeing the best in people. I'm sure a lot of people might scoff at that as a "humble brag" or some shit, but it's destroyed my entire life, and anyone who would mock that really doesn't know how dangerous it is to compulsively overlook serious transgressions. I mean, to be honest, oddly enough... those people are also the same people who look at someone in an abusive relationship and go "why don't they just leave?" I have straight-up witnessed this myself many times. It's... I mean it's just a lack of education, I can't really hate on it. It's just a general lack of education about mental health and the human psyche at a systemic level. Just... please be cautious, everyone, not to let that lack of understanding turn into... mocking, or shaming. It's perfectly fine to genuinely ask someone "why don't you just leave an abusive relationship?", for educational purposes, when you actually want to learn the answer. But there is absolutely no gain in asking that rhetorically, except to exalt your own perspective, as in... saying that as a replacement for "if I were you, I would've left, dumbass". It's just... arrogant bullying, it helps no one.

Weird tangent there, just putting it out there.

I have a problem with seeing the best in people, idealizing, that's what I was saying. So... I will very very often look at a dating profile and see someone I'm not really that physically attracted to (very bad to settle in this regard when it comes to a romantic partner), who I have maybe... one or two things in common with? And I'll feel the pressure to message there as though... I just found the one or something. Like "don't fuck this up". And honestly, I'm not even sure if I should be messaging them at all. Because best case scenario, we end up meeting up and going out on a date... and then... what? I'm just not attracted to them. But I have a friend? I mean, that's good from my end, sure... but... let's use some compassionate empathy here... That poor woman just went on a date with someone that she is attracted to, who is not attracted back... and they just want to be friends. I mean... it's not the end of the world for them either but, it's a bummer, you know?

So... I really try to give it extra thought when I'm trying to find a match. I take it very serious. And I come back to potential likes after a bit with fresh eyes to make sure I'm not idealizing. It's been working okay. But yesterday, I did that... and I came back and swiped left. And the chick lived in my neighborhood and had liked me. It was my first match since... since the goat bone chick. And it was a missed connection because I felt like I was idealizing and felt like while was somewhat attracted... we didn't really have that much in common on paper. And it sucks because... how well can you really get to know someone from a fucking Bumble profile? So yeah, don't really need to put that much weight on a dating app match, but it's super rare so... it felt sucky.

Today, I did yoga which was really nice. Well paced for me, strenuous at parts but not so much that it destroyed me. After, I did dishes (I know), cleaned the kitchen counters and the stove (I know), got some breakfast and called my mom back. We were suppose to go over cars today. To just... figure this situation out. Before that, I watched a video by David Lynch on transcendental meditation. And... meditation has been on my list for a long time. Like... mantra focused meditation. I found breath-focused mediation and... honestly shit has just been so chaotic up in my head that I've been a bit scared of meditating. Like... it can get obscenely overwhelming sometimes, emotionally upsetting. It's... kinda silly. But... here's where I can silver lining this pretty easily. If I make a dedicated area in my home for that? That is nice and peaceful and positive and warm and comforting and safe. I think that would help build the habit. In the same way that the yoga videos helped build the yoga habit. They made it a very positive, warm, loving experience. So... watching the video was a good reminder of... that creative, existential, spiritual side of my life that has been so deeply neglected because of the constant hectic pressures of moving, sickness, death and conflict. And with that absence, my art and my self have suffered. I have a feeling it's coming back very soon.

It took my mom and I a while to crack through and get on the same page. But after a while of explaining my perspective, my daily life and... what my limitations currently are? What problem I really have with owning a car? We started to make some progress. It was very revelatory for me. I realized that having my car out of commission, and having it be... my fault... because of neglecting it for months and months at a time due to PTSD, severe depression, and the pandemic... like... it wasn't my fault, but it was my fault, you know? And because of that, I'm super gun-shy to get a vehicle. Because I feel like I'm just going to go into another shut-in phase at any moment... and that car is going to sit out in the parking lot rusting and falling apart. And then I'll bring it to get inspected one day, and they'll say "we can't let you drive this". And then they'll rent me a car. For 3 months. When I have no friends or romantic partner to help give me rides and shit. And my parents will associate me with the bill this costs... And since this scenario is fresh in my mind, because it's still happening... I have a deep survival reflex stopping me from willingly doing it again.

I know it's catastrophizing, but I explained that I'm afraid that the risk of it happening again? That might be worse for my mental health than not having a car. Like... the guilt and feeling of lack of safety and anxiety... might actually make it more difficult to leave my house. And somehow... she understood that. She actually got it. So we took some time to think about shit while she did some office work and I did laundry (I know), and I ended up coming back with 3 things. A car sharing service for $15/month with a vehicle less than a mile away from me. An electric vehicle called a "OneWheel" that's like... kinda like a balance board but with a giant offroad wheel you can ride around on, and headlights and shit. And a hybrid electric skateboard.

We were concerned before about the shared car being a bit far away from me, and wondering how I would safely get back from that parking spot at night, alone. And I think if I can get some sort of suitable lighting situation, the hybrid skateboard could work absolutely fine. The snow is kinda shitting on this plan, but... it's almost March... so... I'm a bit optimistic on that, but I think it should be okay. That way, I have a car if I need for doctors appointments or going to the skatepark or the rock climbing gym or meeting up and visiting with my brother/sister in law, or other friends that I'm yet to meet. And I can just skate to anywhere that's not too far away. And it'll help me stay used to being comfortable on a board.

And I told my mom that I can try this for a bit, a month or two or something, and if it doesn't work... if it's causing problems... we can brainstorm cars. My dad is looking to upgrade his car and it's... it's 10 years old... But like... I'll take it, I'm not picky... I'm just... I have that concern that it's just going to rot and fall apart in the parking lot, and that an older car like that might be more susceptible to falling apart. But it's an option if this skating/shared car thing is a bust.

So... I actually have a fucking plan. After all this horseshit. After months of craziness. I actually have a plan. And I'm just sleeping on it and seeing if we can think of any issues overnight, if not? It's getting ordered tomorrow. And I guess if I want groceries, I can either get them delivered, or pick them up in the shared car. It'll take some adjusting... but like... I went from a somewhat comfy life routine in June... to losing my dog... gaining and losing a close friend... gaining and losing a brother (again)... moving... and losing my cat... What the fuck hasn't changed? If anything, getting groceries delivered would be like... returning closer to how things were before Cerry died. Change is change, I just want to make life as smooth and comfy as I can right now, because the road has been rocky as fuck and I'm really ready to like... take some deep breaths and chill and get out of constant survival mode and start planting some seeds. Both literally and figuratively. My older brother gave me some indoor gardening kits for Christmas and I've been itching to get them set up, I just... I don't have any furniture and I feel like these guys are gonna need good light, you know? So I've been waiting for tables and the kits are still unopened. But... I feel like things are changing soon, and this place will have a lot more life in it. Lots of plants everywhere.

OH! I got my birdfeeder set up today, finally! I mean, I set it up yesterday, but the birds came to feed in it already! They found it so quickly! I'm a little afraid because they got a little territorial about it... a titmouse and a finch got in a little spat... and I'm a bit worried that they might... fly into the windows accidentally? I hope not. But they seem to really enjoy it, and it's really nice to have nature in my life again. I haven't had my own birdfeeder since like... 2017? There are a bunch of squirrels around, I don't know if they'd be stupid enough to try to jump over from the tree to my window on the second floor... it's like... at least a 10 foot jump... I guess we'll see.

So yeah, today was a completely different change of pace. I got lots of chores done, and came up with a decent plan to remove one of the biggest PTSD pressures off of my life. Even on very little sleep. I feel very... unburdened. I feel much lighter.

And I'm really hoping this helps me reconnect with skating. And get over my self-conscious bullshit about not "being good". So I can meet more people like me. And then they can get to know who I am and all the cool shit I can make. Music, poetry, jewelry, drawings, paintings, all kinds of shit. It might really be that the key to finding others to share my life with... starts with skating. I hate to say it, but I think it sounds more likely than with gaming. Gaming has just gotten too saturated. I don't know that, I'm just min-maxing again! Agh! Good lord.

Regardless of "percentage chances" and "likelihood of success" and shit like that, skating needs to pay off. If I look forward to skating... I will go again, and it will be less difficult to go, just like the skatepark at the end of the Fall last year. And if I go regularly? If it's part of my routine? It will be more likely that I make friends.

Is it obvious how lonely I am? -_-

There's also streaming. Which is still sitting there right within arms reach. But, as I said to my mom today - it's not streaming itself that's the problem, once I'm broadcasting it's fine, I know what to do, I have tons of ideas, I'm pretty comfortable. It's pushing the "Go Live" button. It's not grocery shopping, it's getting myself out the door. That's the barrier for me. And it's still pushing, despite having a few cool options. Like Noita with Twitch Integration, like Risk of Rain 2, like Rimworld. I even have another game on my wishlist by the devs of Prison Architect called "The Last Starship" that looks like it could be really fucking cool. I have ideas. I'm just...

Okay, let me just get this out then. I checked Discord the other day, I hadn't been on in a long time. No one interacted with me there, and I'd just constantly be seeing what games my little brother was playing with his friends that he never invited me to, which really fucking sucked. But I went back on to like... get used to having it open as part of getting ready for Twitch again. And I found messages. Messages from a guy whose Discord I used to mod for.

It's a weird story. I met him at a Cards Against Humanity stream with a bunch of random smaller streamers, we all just found each other and he was in the chat. He followed me over to my Twitch and found me there. That was a different era, I was smoking a shit ton of weed and was... well... much more confident, much more naïve and less acutely traumatized at that point. I obviously still had PTSD but... it wasn't... fresh. All the fresh trauma, that came after I met him. But we like... didn't know each other at all. He'd just chill in my chat occasionally.

Then I went to the retreat and got off meds after shit with my family and "friends" went south, after the "fresh trauma" hit. And I suddenly stopped streaming entirely. Because I couldn't stream from the retreat, it was a shared home, and I shared a room. I got back from the retreat like... 6 months later? Took some time to settle in and did my YouTube thing at first... then decided to start streaming again. Which was actually super hard. Because... a lot of people were very harsh to me about my streaming/YouTube stuff, and said very hurtful things. And they hadn't even seen the streams, but it still... did a lot of damage. I overpowered my "Go Live" fear, I changed my username, I got Rimworld set up and I started broadcasting... and within 10 minutes of starting the stream... the dude shows up. The first thing he does is ask me if I was <my old username>, which is like... horrific etiquette. I feel. But yeah, I mean... kinda defeats the point of a name change if you're just going to call me by my old name... that I don't want to be associated with anymore because it has traumatic associations...

He slowly got over that hump and started insisting on helping introduce me to other streamers and communities and shit. I went along with it. He linked me up with a community that networked new Twitch streamers to help them reach Affiliate status. Which can be... literally impossible if you don't have at least 3 friends. I mean that very seriously. If you do not have 3 friends actively watching your stream at all times, you are hurting your chances of ever being able to make a cent streaming. You need a certain amount of followers, average viewers and streamed hours during a specific period of time. You need all of those criteria. So if you have 300 followers, 100 hours streamed and a... 1.2 viewer count average? With that many hours logged? You'd have to basically not stream at all for a month to reset that. It's fucked up. But yeah... I went with these guys and tried to network, but none of them would chill in my stream. I hung out with the original guy, let's call him A, in his discord. I introduced him to Jackbox, which I was introduced to in the retreat, which was always a big hit. And I got us to arrange a regular night to do that, and A hosted it, and it became pretty popular. This was where I met two people around my age who ended up being my Rimworld series' biggest fans. And good friends, though we never really... hung out off-stream at all... which is weird... I have a feeling they will come back very naturally when I start streaming again, which will be a wonderful thing.

A rarely came to my streams. He wanted me to come to his. A never even really watched my Rimworld series, which was the absolute centerpiece of my life at that point. I was releasing 2x 15 minute videos per week at that point, it was seriously wake up, get coffee, let the dog out, start editing, lunch break, edit, stream, take the dog out, dinner, edit, sleep. With maybe a sunday off so I didn't go crazy. And I guarantee he couldn't name 2 characters from that playthrough. After a while, he appointed me one of the "Overlords" for his Discord server. A moderator, basically. But he really sold this whole image like... like the Overlords were there to basically be like a Senate kinda deal, I think. He played it like it was democratic, like we all had equal powers to him, the server owner, and we were there to basically keep him in check. Let me know if you see where this is going...

So we started to get in a bit of a routine, the weekly Jackbox night, my streams often raided into A's streams or vice versa. Mixing communities and all that, everyone getting to know each other. And I spent tons of time in his Discord, like every day. And then one day... one day this guy from that networking community that we both knew? He would pop in and say hi occasionally, but had his own discord community to manage and a very young son, so he was very rarely in A's community. This guy came on and put a message in general about how he was going to be doing some stream event at some point, inviting people. And A started freaking out. He deleted the post, he left a kinda passive aggressive comment in general that really didn't need to be there imo, he left some strong-worded comments to him in the moderator channel (I'm not sure if this guy was an "Overlord" too, but he definitely had a high ranking for some reason, despite never being active in the community), and I'm pretty sure he mentioned he was DMing him too. I left a message in the moderator chat and DM'd A personally letting him know that I didn't really feel comfortable with him like... publicly shitting on the leader of another streaming community, like... it might cause bad blood? Like... there are more polite ways of doing it? And basically told him that... this is me doing my job as an "Overlord" and keeping you in check, I feel like you overstepped there, and maybe should apologize. He obviously has a right to like... request people not self-promote... but there are different ways of doing it.

A's response to this was to... get piss drunk... and send me sloppy misspelled pissed-off messages at 4 AM... and remove my Overlord status. As you do, apparently. And I just took it as an invitation to leave outright. Two things should probably be mentioned here - 1) I did not request to be an "Overlord", in fact... I was pretty hesitant to even accept. I was incredibly overwhelmed already, doing everything solo, and really didn't want to take on more responsibilities, but he really peer pressured me into it. and 2) he set me up with my own corner in his discord to plug my own stuff - live announcements, youtube releases, shit like that. Not sure why, I could've just set up my own Discord... but... yeah. It was a thing.

So... I told him he was kinda doing me a favor by demoting me. Because the rank was pretty obviously bullshit, and he breaks his own rules. So... yeah. I kinda said "If you wanna do this, you might as well take down my channels, because I'm not really gonna be using them anymore." I really, really, really just did not want to be put in a position where people would come up and go "hey man, your username changed color, I thought you used to be an 'Overlord' (I fucking hate the gimmicky titles, just call them mods, dude), what happened?" Then I have to explain how a dude who I thought was a friend of mine decided to get drunk and "fire" me because I second-guessed his judgement, which was... supposed to be my job title... I felt like saying something like that to a member of his community, in his community, would probably lead to... more "retaliation". So I left.

I went off and just did my own stream. And lost regular game nights and shit. I met new people, which was nice. I started my own Discord eventually. But yeah... that always stuck with me. That really fucked me over.

So... A messaged me on the 15th. The first time since about a month before my dog died, when he last reached out. When he last reached out, he was just broken record trying different methods of pressuring me to basically "forgive and forget" and just "go back to the old days" or whatever. And I didn't budge an inch, I am actually super proud of myself for how I expressed myself reading those messages back. I was very articulate and direct, and compassionate, but without compromising my values and caving to what I now see as blatantly obvious consistent peer pressure. And this time, the messages on the 15th:

"Have you tried the Hogwarts game yet? [10:01 PM] I know the past blah. But I want to know if you're interested in it and if you have played what you think"

I'm tempted to link him an IGN review and leave it at that.

What I was very clear about was... that you can't really just fast-forward over conflict resolution. I wrote in the previous conversation:

"simply caring a lot about something doesn't make interacting with it functional, it takes work dude, time and effort that - for us - hasn't been put in. That's why every time we reconnect its like we just pick up right where we left off

because thats exactly what we're doing"

And he really just... I guess he's too ashamed of what he did to be able to tune in to how it affected me and really sit down and talk about it. Try to iron out some boundaries, to really be attentive to like... how shit like that affects me. I mean... like... I see this a lot. Where someone hurts me, then I express very clearly how and how much they hurt me, and they start getting very emotionally upset about the guilt or shame of having done that. Not concern for how I am feeling, not concern for the functionality of the relationship, not focused on the person who was hurt at all, but focused on how much it hurts their pride to have made an error. And how I am the one causing that pride-pain in them. And that's a big red flag for me now. I'm guessing it's a trauma thing? I don't know. But like... yeah. It's a red flag to me that my needs and my pain will very likely be weaponized against me.

So... what was weird about this was... in our previous exchange, he said:

"I want to move forward and I'm sure our next conversation will just be me bugging you about what game your playing these days or what's up in life. Point is if you are willing to move forward I'd like to."

It's been over 9 months, and he comes back doing exactly what he said he would do, what he was peer pressuring me into... and basically just acting like that whole conversation never happened.

That shit fucks with me, it honestly often makes me feel like I'm going batshit crazy. Maybe it's gaslighting? That would make sense if it was, I'm not sure enough about the definition to confidently use the term. It used to genuinely make me feel like I was delusional, I'm getting better about it. When I make a huge gesture of genuinely pouring my heart out, and put a lot of time and energy into being articulate and as clear as I can be, giving examples, using analogies, shit like that. And it is treated like my message didn't even go through, or I didn't even speak. It's like... okay. It happened when I was really high once and I was 100% convinced that I was dead; that I was a ghost and I just didn't know it and wouldn't come to terms with it. And that me realizing that I was a ghost, was like... potentially the beginning of the end of my spiritual existence in reality. And the big bad existential doom feelings hit like a freight train. THAT feeling. The feeling of being the ghost in the room screaming from another dimension and the people in the mortal plane don't even notice. I am way too familiar with that feeling.

And here he is... doing that again.

So... I FUCKING WONDER WHY I'M ANXIOUS TO START STREAMING AGAIN. GUESS WHO'S GOING TO DROP IN UNANNOUNCED WHILE I'M LIVE BROADCASTING AND BEING RECORDED.

XD

Someday. I swear. Someday I will start blocking people. The day will come. I... I don't think I've ever really done it before. Maybe once or twice in the very distant past, like a decade ago on Facebook. But I didn't even block my ex. I just... don't block people. It's weird. I also like... never delete posts that I put up places. It's this weird... accountability thing? Or something? Like I want to make sure that I'm really mindful of how I express myself without trying to control the consequences. If that makes sense. I want to be able to be honest, and allow people to disagree or be upset, without needing to control their reactions. And it's hard, especially with personal stuff like this, especially when it's normalized so much in our culture to just delete something you regret saying, and pretend you never said it. I feel like it helps me speak with more integrity, and subsequently think with more integrity. Or maybe I'm just making life way the fuck harder for myself than I need to.

ANYWAY. Enough of a big tangent there. Storytime is over, kiddos, time for bed. I know... I know...

So yeah, to make sense of this and sum this up for myself because that was a huge story sidebar... I got a ton of good stuff done for myself today, and my life is going to be changing a lot... but at the same time, not really. I will not have the constant drain of the rental car guilt hanging over me, making me feel unsafe, which will let me generate confidence more freely, which I hope to direct into skating and streaming. Both for social connections, both for personal growth and artistic connections. We'll see how this all plays out! Good night!

[thispabulum-blog]

A Low, Low Bar

Why Are Men? Wednesday

I haven't been super active on any of the dating sites in the last few months, since things haven't really been stable enough for me to be going out on dates, but I've seen some shit, you guys.

Tinder is kind of a nothing space, so I've mostly been looking around on Hinge and OkCupid lately.

This is the problem I have with Hinge. There's no opportunity to write a profile, so you really can't get a feel for someone. This is not one thing that I need to know about this guy, and no one in their right mind who knew anything about me would think we were a good match.

Not that OkCupid is without fault...

This is the kind of couple I try hard not to be.

Everything about this is message and profile is weird and off-putting, and I promise you their pictures weren't much better. She looked like a meth head. Anyone who says "we are a sane, normal couple working regular job", you can bet your boots they're none of those things.

This one is not bad, and it's obviously a joke, but it's not my sense of humor and I couldn't bring myself to match with the guy. Anyone is welcome to wake me up at 3am to share bbq ribs with me, though.

This is a good example of how over-complimenting can be off-putting. Like, what am I supposed to say to that? There's no way I can live up to that. And sitting at home in my pj's with no makeup on, eating peanut butter off a spoon, I feel like a catfish.

The math's not mathing for me between "poly married guy" and "discreet and private fwb".

I decided I didn't want to be together for the rest of our lives, so I didn't respond. I really think there should be separate dating apps for people who wanna jump straight to "be together for the rest of our lives".

Step 1: Start by saying you're laid-back and open-minded.

Step 2: Proceed to list ways in which you're neither.

Step 3: Profit?

Oh no. Ohhhhhh no.

That's enough for today.

[schuministyles]

Hii can you do an imagine with mick about yn and him being at a gp and being photographed together hugging, and fans just completely loving her

Love your blog:)

No photos, please. (MS47)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Notes: Hi, I'm back with a Mick one shot, a Well deserved one after the amazing race yesterday. He finally got points! I'm super proud of him.

Hope you enjoy it dear anon, I really enjoyed writing it.

Warnings: Anxiety and Panic attack symptoms. Nothing more. Mick is a sweetheart that I love with my entire heart ♡.

Mick always wanted you to feel comfortable when you were around during GP weekends, since his first year in F2 when you started dating.

And for that to be a reality he suggested that you had a private but not secret relationship, he wanted everybody to know that he was taken but he didn't want anybody sneaking into your privacy.

The plan actually was successful from the beginning, you were happy and he was happy, but then F1 came along, a lot more of media to hide from to keep gossip away, and for that you almost became undetectable, always under the radar.

But even hiding 99% of the time in his driver's room you were happy, at the end of the day you were supporting him and making sure he knew how proud he had to be on himself.

During his second season you decided that it was a good idea you joining him traveling only when he was in Europe, both of you enjoying how easier it was.

But there was an exception, Canada.

After a rough time in Azerbaijan, Mick wanted you there, he needed you there.

You agreeded quickly, even called his mom to travel together, the both of you wanting Mick to be 100% ready to give all of himself.

---

Time quickly came an the GP weekend started, Corinna decided to keep a low profile making you unnoticeable to the media cameras that obviously would start investigating you if they saw you with a driver's mom.

Mick was so happy to have you there, he was only missing his older sister to be complete.

" Qualy is in an hour " the german announced interrupting the conversation you were having with his mom.

"Deep breaths, honey" you told him and also patted the chair next to yours so he could take a sit.

He obeyed.

His head was placed on your shoulder while you took his hand in both of yours, you started making little figures on it for him to relax. It was kind of useless because the anxiety in him was already growing, his bouncing leg giving it away.

" Micki, stay calm, your going to do amazing" his mom comforted him.

You side-hugged him now while he placed the hand you were holding on your tight giving it a little squeeze.

"FP3 was a joke, my driving is a joke, I'm a joke" he declared.

Corinna and you shared a look, both of you worried how his bad attitude would affect his driving.

" Darling, you have to trust us on this one, you are going to show them what you're capable of, just keep doing your thing and you'll shine like you always do for us" as soon as the words scaped your mouth you felt you heart melt when his big blue eyes watered a little.

He was about to respond when a crew member entered, "Mick, they need you in the garage". The Haas driver nodded, he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and hugged you tightly, he also hugged his mom and then leaved.

"That was really beautiful, Y/N" Corinna smiled at you. " Mick really needs all of us, his mind is eating him alive" she stated with that worry looks only moms can have.

"I have a good feeling about today".

...

P6.

An amazing P6.

Qualy was crazy, and with that changing weather Mick managed to make his best qualy so far.

The result maked the three of you super proud almost to tearing up, his manager included. Gina called amazed, celebrating from home.

It suprised you when your mom called too, telling you how proud all your fam was of him, even they wanted to send him some congratulation messages.

When interviews were over, Mick didn't doubt running to the hospitality to receive some love from his favorite girls.

You hugged a bit awkwardly knowing you have to keep it super simple to avoid anybody making any speculations.

Then Mick was needed again in the garage, the team celebrating the amazing job he had done.

...

After a disappointing DNF, you had you heart broken, after hearing Mick radio both Corinna an you cried a little knowing how devastating this would be for Mick.

He had the pace, he had the ability, he had everything but it was useless when the car decided to stop working.

And in fact, when the lovable blonde goofball appeared in your sight you noticed how sad he looked, it was hard to see but you couldn't ask him to pretend to be alright as he did in the post-race interview.

Corinna was the first one that took him in her arms and toldhim some encouraging words, he nodded and agreeded but you knew him so well, he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

So when your turn came, you hugged him tightly, not worrying about cameras, after all the race was over, and you were more worried about Mick's feelings drowning him, and he seemed to agree when he hide his face on the crook of your neck keeping himself together.

...

Your phone keep buzzing interrupting the dinner you were having in the hotel restaurant, you never looked at you phone when you where eating with someone, you prefered to be present and enjoy a good conversation but the constant buzzing make you worry that an emergency was happening.

You excused yourself to the restroom to check on it and your face dropped when all the notifications where from you Instagram, thousands of new followers and multiple likes appeared each second.

You turn the notifications off, and breathed heavily feeling really nervous, suddenly you were not hungry anymore.

'Y/N! You didn't tell us that you were making it official pumpkin' your mom texted you, an image attached making you have goosebumps.

There it was, the hug you shared after the race, your Instagram user tagged and the caption 'Mick Schumacher's lady finally was not hiding, it's her first appearance as a girlfriend in F1, but that didn't gave Mick enough luck to win his first points'

You felt like you could threw up.

Phone in hand you almost run to the table were Mick and his mom sipped on the wine waiting for you to order dessert.

" Everything alright, sweetheart? " the driver asked you when he saw your hand shaking a little and your eyes watering.

You shaked your head and show them the picture.

Both of them seemed really surprised, the tension in the table growing because this was not planned, the malicious caption not making it any better, the mom and son duo were worried about this scaring you away.

Mick decided that the best for all of you was going back to the hotel room, were you could sean the situation and react without all the people around you.

Once in the room you stated on the floor, Corinna was on the edge of the bed stroking youback while Mick was standing in front of you with his phone on his hand looking at his tagged pictures.

What he saw maked him chuckle.

Captions, comments, and almost a 99% of the things around you were positive. People were taking about your beautiful outfit, your hair, your nails, the cute way you hugged, how much they wanted to be Mick to receive a hug like that one. It all maked him laugh as a form to show his happiness.

Corinna cleared her troath to catch his attention, and give him a look that he shouldn't be laughing when you were almost having a mental breakdown.

" Honey, look at this" he started showing you each post, every caption getting sweeter and sweeter.

Now you were crying but because all was too good to be true.

" I guess this is your official entry to the F1 Wags club" Corinna smiled proud of what she already knew, you were the one, and the universe knew it.