#... why does metaing this man ALWAYS MAKE ME SAD

[celestialholz]

Normal/Flying/Enigma - or 'Larry is a goddamn Christmas present, and here's what I found when I unwrapped him'

... Fucking Larry, huh? Mad guy. Absolutely unhinged set of pixels. He's got as many interpretations as days in the year - autism, depression, the working man stereotype, 'just a dude', to name a few - but... and I know this is a bold claim, but I think I've got him figured out. I've already meta'd him before on a smaller scale, and concluded that Mister Quiet, Calm and Collected here is actually a secret showman who loves crowd approval, so let's carry on.

Let's work our way under his skin, yeah? You just sit there and eat onigiri king, take a well-deserved break.

Let's start with the obvious: Larry has no clue who he is. He gives you the Facade TM, tells you he hopes you have no need to put on the same front as him, and then during his rematch says this on why he loves Normal types:

... Which is all well and good, right? Fair, valid, pretty regular guy - except oh no wait, hang on, he is literally the least ordinary trainer in this franchise.

This right here is a perfect example of the duality of Larry already, and we've just started. He's a showman, an exhibitionist in the Pokemon arena, and he duel-serves as Elite Four and gym leader.

Just to put that into context for those fans who are newer than my veteran ass, no one does that. Even those who got promoted later - Lance, Koga and Wallace, unless I'm forgetting anyone else - have never wielded two titles simultaneously. And even in their promotions, Lance, Koga and Wallace keep their damn types. They don't master a whole new one, at the highest of battling levels, on a goddamn whim because their boss said to. Whether he likes it or not, by the established standards of this series, Larry is a fucking genius. Even those with mixed teams don't hold type mastery to this degree. Whether or not you personally found him easy or difficult to defeat either time is not the point - literally, no one's doing it like he is. He trains four entire new team members, between his three jobs (because oh yeah, he's got another one), to the late fifties/early sixties in levels and acts like it ain't shit. That's endgame levels to anyone else, the culmination of their eighteen-badge journey or their literal years of training - for Larry, it's fucking LEISURE TIME. Man's doing this in front of Netflix.

... And we're supposed to believe he's NORMAL? And the thing is, I don't even think he's gaslighting us, at least not consciously - he genuinely believes this. This is his normal.

No wonder Geeta sticks him in the gym right next to Area Zero. 90% sure he could solo the place if you gave him a few hours to go and catch the right team. Don't even know what we're doing here, to be quite honest. Might as well go home and hug the Skwovet in my own lounge, the adorable little bastard. What the honest fuck.

My man, take a look in that mirror as you munch those delicious rice balls. There ain't a single thing regular about you. Larry seems to have no clue that his life is anything but standard - he walks around wearing a facade. His penultimate mon, which I've covered the significance of before with Flapple and Hassel (and with Larry himself here), is Staraptor, a lone wolf, who leaves the flock upon evolving to live alone, and yet his ace Flamigo only functions well in a group. Just a quick compare-and-contrast between the dex entries of them both here:

... Excuse me whilst I error 404. He's got so little clue who he is, even his team has personality conflicts.

Thing is, right... if he walks around wearing a facade, why does he? In fact, whilst we're on the subject of his team, why doesn't he take his clearly vacation-themed team ON A VACATION?

Look at these guys.

Palm trees, tropical birds, blue skies with clouds, and... well, Staraptor's clearly his favourite. Man's got a holiday-themed squad, which leads us to another core point:

Larry doesn't drown himself in work because he likes it, he does it because he doesn't have anything else.

Logically, Larry must make bank. We don't know what the gym leaders get paid - though for the first time, we know that they definitely do, thanks to this:

(Thank you for that little screenshot, @prince-kallisto. <3)

And not only does he get paid from this, but he's in the Elite Four - every sensible conclusion says that this man has to be one of the highest-paid trainers in Paldea. And he's got a third job that we don't even know about. Bearing in mind that every other adult NPC in this game seems to get along just fine with one or two jobs, I don't think we need to remotely worry about Larry's finances.

And he doesn't particularly like any of his jobs, so he doesn't do them for love... and if he doesn't take any time off, he must be drowning in potential time to take off...

So, why doesn't he go on holiday? Why does he drown himself in work he dislikes when he has no financial need to; why does he live a lie; why doesn't he find out who he is?

Well, there's only one thing that really connects all that together, isn't there?

Larry's life is a void because he's alone.

When people are lost, they throw themselves into work to find purpose. What's the point of going on holiday when you've got no one to go with? This man does embody a stereotype perfectly, but it's probably not the one you think. It's much simpler - 'money can't buy you happiness.'

He tells you about this loneliness himself, in a way.

Larry has normal and regular interests, in a world where he is anything but, and people only want to be surprised. No one gets him, whether because they're not on his battling level, or because he's too ordinary. And when no one gets you... how are you supposed to get yourself? However introverted we are, we experience ourselves partly through others. He has the Elite Four, who are 100% a found family, but... the problem with that is that they accept him at face value because they love him. Which is amazing and all, we adore that, but it means no one gets under his skin.

And the further problem of that is that he's no happier deep-down. And that's not on his colleagues, not at all. Rika is relaxed and easygoing, Poppy is a child, and Hassel... well, Hassel is drama, Hassel is married. Hassel has his own perfect love story already. Hassel has already seen someone a little bit like Larry before - directionless, depressed, unsure of his own self - and he went and promised him forever anyway. (Hello Brassius, I see you king. Be careful on that windmill.)

... And that... yeah, that's kind of the crux of it all. Larry needs him someone very much like Hassel; someone who sees through every layer of facade, someone who accepts. (... I realise this is me right now, and yes, I do volunteer as tribute. Come here, you beautiful fucking not-normal man. <3)

Essentially, what I'm saying is...

Larry needs a partner... and I don't mean another Pokemon one.

But, as sad a conclusion as that is... he's learning, by the end of your time with him.

(Can we talk about the chef lady in the background, by the way, who is ignoring her TikTok to listen to his conclusion? What a sweetheart.)

We've taught him to open himself up a bit, to start embracing the new and the different. We've started to help this man, and if that isn't the most worthy thing my Nuzlocke son Juan here has done in his adventure through Paldea that wasn't helping a sick dog, I don't know what is.

As much as they annoy us sometimes, happiness is other people. Other people who see your soul, and smile. Perhaps he doesn't even need a romantic partner... perhaps he just needs the world's best friend.

But whatever it is that he needs... let him go on holiday, Game Freak. Let him be him, and very happy because of it. Give him a Hassel who isn't Hassel, and a month off at a certain DLC festival to spend with them. Larry exists in a club of one - he's too talented in the same breath as he's too average.

(Personally, I think he should take Katy, but... hey, that's me and my vanillacupcakes agenda. And the fact her ace is a Normal type who likes dessert.)

[aleksanderscult]

I love, love so much your blog! I recently finished Shadow and Bone trilogy and my head is like no thought, only Darklina xD So I'm really glad to have found this blog and read your thoughtfull meta!

I have so many thoughts about the trilogy (I've read SoC dualogy but I'm not that big of fan) so I will start with this question: What do you think was the purpose of the donkey dream sequency in S&S? I mean this:

Are they very poor? I ask Ana Kuya.

Not so poor as others.

Then why doesn't he buy a donkey?

He doesn't need a donkey, says Ana Kuya. He has a wife.

I'm going to marry Alina, Mal says.

Then Alina has another dream, where she's the girl but then floats to the sky, leaving the salt behind her.

While reading it, I thought it as a metaphor her being afraid of being with Mal, of becoming ordinary girl and being shackled to him. But with the ending of the trilogy, her losing powers and marrying Mal, didn't she just do that? What do you think LB intented to with this scene? I'm interested knowing your interpration.

Thank you so much, sweet anon! And welcome to this fandom!❤️❤️ You remind me of myself as I was almost a year ago. Be warned though: this suffering will never end. 🥲

Admittedly, I haven't analyzed this scene. Probably because it's too weird and painful.

This couple that they see on the road can really bring Malina flashbacks to the reader.

The man is joyful, carefree, whistling away without a care. He's every inch of Mal from the moment he's been introduced to us.

The woman is tired and struggling. She's Alina carrying this power inside of her without knowing it.

The man doesn't seem to care that his wife is exhausted. The same way Mal didn't seem to care when Alina was sick and dragging her feet. There is this obvious subordination that Mal wants to replicate. Unwillingly or not, Leigh Bardugo really kept Mal's character canon with this vision: he always wanted Alina to depend on him, not to have her own independence.

One could say that his statement "I'm going to marry Alina" is irrelevant with the previous conversation but it does look very suspicious, doesn't it? Mal, a mere child now, seeing this couple and finding it normal for the man to dominate his wife. Was he influenced by such scenes and therefore found them normal?

This scene could be interpreted as Baghra giving advice to Alina regarding her powers and what happens if you suppress them.

But still, why does it kinda look like the same "Have power but only so much as" shit again.

And to be grateful for what? For being a Grisha? Or maybe for having enough strength without needing to search for the remaining amplifiers.

Just like I said in the beginning, these scenes are really sad. For a woman to be compared to a donkey, for a young boy that wants to marry her and (very) possibly treat her that way makes you feel depressed inside. Especially if the reader is a woman too.

The first memory could be real. Or (and I lean on this interpretation) Alina unconsciously conjured a metaphor of how her relationship is with Mal. Deep down she knows how things really are (Mal is the master and Alina just a weak girl trying to catch up on this connection by suppressing the thing that keeps her healthy) but she pushes these things aside, deludes herself and clings on her love for him. The same way she did when she lost her powers. Just look what she said in "Rule of Wolves" to the Darkling. "I am happy. You never saw me this way". Meanwhile Alina's mental state: ☠️☠️

But how Bardugo thought about this scene? That Mal just made an innocent, romantic comment that didn't pass the vibe check. I'm very sure that she didn't want him to be sexist here (she cares about this character too much to spoil his reputation) but she bamboozled herself and made him look like a little prick. Ana Kuya's comment "He doesn't need a donkey. He has a wife" probably reflects the sexist world that Leigh created. Which, by the way, would be fine if she had only let her protagonist break away from these kind of "chains" and find her own power and purpose inside this story *gestures towards George R. R. Martin's female characters*.

[thesoftboiledegg]

Rick and Morty if Autism Speaks and Autism Moms focus-grouped it to death:

Rick: Everyone, I have a terrible confession to make. Summer [scrolling through her phone]: Sure, Grandpa Rick. How many planets did you blow up today? Rick: No, Summer, it's much worse than that. I... [sighs and sticks his hands in his pockets] I just got back from the doctor's office. I...I have autism. [The entire family gasps in shock. Summer drops her phone. Morty's hands fly to his mouth.] Beth: No! Rick! Why didn't you ever tell us? Rick: I didn't know, sweetie. Bird Person noticed that I'd been flapping my hands a lot and said, "Mubba rubba nub nub," which means, "I'm going to give you a referral for an autism diagnosis." I just got back from the clinic. I'll be honest with you--when the word "autism" came out of the doctor's mouth, I couldn't decide if I wanted to hide the truth from you or crash my ship directly into the building, killing me instantly. [Jerry stares at him. Summer starts sobbing. Beth glances at Morty with horror and disbelief.] Beth: But--what about Morty? He flaps his hands sometimes, too. Do you think that--maybe--oh God, I don't even want to say it-- Rick [looking at her sadly]: I don't know, sweetie. Autism is a genetic disease, and it's not looking good. Morty: No! NO! Why, Rick? This is the worst thing you've ever done! Rick: I'm sorry, buddy. I wish I could go back in time and delete the autism from my genes. Summer [sobbing]: You've ruined our family! I always knew I was the one normal child, and now you've just confirmed it! Beth: I'm sorry, Morty, but I won't be able to look at you the same way again. I knew there was a reason I favored Summer all these years. And Rick, well--I don't know if you can keep living here. Our budget is already tight without you spending $500 a month on math textbooks and model train sets. Jerry: Wait, hang on. If I can get meta here for a second--doesn't Dan Harmon play Bird Person? And isn't he, you know...in that way? Rick: Autistic? [Beth and Summer gasp at the sound of the word.] I don't know, let me check. [He opens a portal and disappears, then returns a few seconds later, his eyes heavy with sadness.] Yes. Dan Harmon is autistic, which means...Bird Person is autistic, too. I'm sorry. [The entire room is silent.] Beth: Well...at least you'll be able to get together now. I know you autistics can't date normal people. Summer: Autistics can't date anyone, period. Sorry, Morty, but I guess Jessica and Bruce Chutback both dodged a bullet. [Morty bursts into tears. Beth rubs his shoulder.] Beth: It's okay, honey. Look at it this way--you'll be able to go on lots of adventures with Grandpa since we have to separate both of you from the general population. Jerry: And "different" doesn't mean "worse." I mean, in this case, it absolutely does, but it doesn't mean that in other contexts. Morty: I'm sorry that I'm burdening everyone. [glances up] Hey, um, Rick--maybe you can find a cure, right? [smiles weakly] Some planet out there must've found a cure for autism by now, right? Rick [forces a smile]: You've got it, buddy. I'm sure there's a universe out there that's...found a cure for this tragic disease. [Everyone looks silently down at the table. Morty stands up.] Morty: I'm going to sit in my room for a while. Let me know when you've decided if you're going to keep me or put me up for adoption. Beth: We'll let you know, honey. [Morty walks upstairs. The rest of the family turns to Rick, who sighs.] Rick: Well...I guess I'll go to the garage. The noise-cancelling walls will protect you from the sounds of my incessant stimming and hand-flapping. I know you don't want me back in the house, so you can turn my room into extra storage space. Jerry can even turn it into a man cave if he wants. I don't care if he does. I don't care about anything anymore. Summer: Neither do we, Rick. Neither do we... [Rick walks into the garage and sits quietly on the stool. After a few minutes of silence, he hesitates, then reaches inside his coat and applies a sticker to his ship. The camera zooms in to reveal a puzzle piece that reads Autistics On Board.]

[le-trash-prince]

This Love Doesn’t Have Long Beans Ep 4 Thoughts

Oh I love that little look on Oab’s face right before he pulls away

“I’ll make desserts only for my special person” okokokokok *food meta thoughts*

“Act like you’ve been kissed before!” HELP I LOVE JJ AHDJFJF

I love the design of Oab’s loft apartment

Wow look at this direct communication—I say right as Oab tells Plawan that nothing happened RARGH

Auto is so shifty but part of me wonders if that’s just how he is 

OH PUNSIB BABY HE LOOKS LIKE A SAD LITTLE PUPPY PLZ AUTO IT’S OKAY TO HAVE FRIENDS

Double VIP Methas lololol

“Let him sue me I can take him”

“You should have someone to look after you” ohhhh my god

OHHHHH MY GOD I LOVE THEMFNSBF

THE SPEED OF LOVE REFERENCE AHDJFJJF

“going through menopause” ahdjfjf omegaverse

AUTO MY BOY MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BEAN why does lee always make me hurt shdnfnf

“No, I’m just like this by nature” I FUCKIN KNEW IT autistic auto headcanons intensify

Wow I need me some PunsibAuto fic

Methas’ little dimple

“This is the most comfortable outfit I have” IM SCREAMING 

“Do you often do things that don’t be efit you, just for others?” Yes he does so he needs someone to spoil him

Oh Methas is so far gone

METHAS TRYING NOT TO SMILE IMSBFBFF

OH HE’S MADE UP HIS MIND ALREADY we love a man who knows what he wants

Oh my god i love them 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Chef I’m gonna need that granita recipe

Oh no the granita’s gonna melt 😭

Benz groping Garfield’s titty during the bts shfjfjdjdj

What a fun episode I had such a good time 🥹🥹🥹

[disfrutalakia]

If I was cool and smart I would analyze how Bad's and Forever's relationship got to the point where it is with the pranks, arguments and all that, but I'm not. So instead I will analyze Forever and how his mind might be working right now

Under the cut cause you guys know how much I like to talk <3

Ok so, it has been a bit since the whole happy pills arc happened already and now it's starting to become more and more clear how much it actually affected Forever.

Since he woke up from the coma it's very visible both from Forever's pov and other's how much quieter he is sometimes (yeah in meta it's cause the cc has a good mic now but hear me out) his laugh doesn't booms anymore, you can't hear it bouncing around the walls when he makes a joke, and his voice in general sounds a lot sadder and calmer nowadays, it was especially noticeable yesterday when he was giving Bagi the lore rundown, he sounded sad talking about those past times, simpler times where he was on Bagi's place and Bad was the one telling him about the lore.

But although the voice is the most obvious change on his behavior, I don't think it's the most impactful one, the biggest change I would say is how much he refuses to use totems now, yes he has around 3k totems on his backpack but since he woke up from that coma he just stopped holding one, cause he has no regard for his own safety anymore really. Forever is a playful person and he often hides what he is truly feeling and thinking when he is around other which is why I think this is so hard to notice sometimes, but it became obvious to me how little he cares about himself currently the day he was killing the magma cube at Mouse's room, he popped a lot of totems (probably more than 5) in a row, but his face didn't even move, he was focused on dealing with the immediate threat and when people asked how many totem he had he didn't even bother to answer, cause he doesn't care anymore. Another thing that made me notice this was him talking with Bagi awhile ago (truly can't remember when but it's recent) and telling her that someday she would "Miss the times when she could die" because he is often commenting how he feels too imortal right now. He also uses a lot of mines right now, without regard if they will harm himself or not, he had never used those things before Richas disappeared but now he does, he has around 700 stashed away on his backpack and if he feels the need for it, he will use it.

Now, Forever's pov has always been a bit lonely, yes he is extroverted but too many interactions tire him out and if he is hanging out with a group he usually sticks to those closest to him (the other brazilians, Baghera, Bad, Philza). But although he was always a bit lonely he was never truly alone, or at least not in the way he is now, he often will comment something about how he feels there isn't anyone that puts him first, that always stick to his side (Cellbit was the one closest to doing that but, Forever knows that in the end of the day, the person that Cellbit will always put first will be Roier), he has talked about how he had no idea that people worried about him while he was in the coma, he has no idea that Philza wanted to wake him up, that Bad, Pac and Cellbit would sit by his side and just talk to him sometimes, he doesn't know how much people care about him because he himself doesn't truly cares about himself right now, so why would others? He feels guilty for the pills, for how he treated others and thinks he deserved the way he was treated. Which is pretty sad to.

Forever feels broken now, he could see that Mike was messed up the moment he put his eyes on him and he was gentle about it, tried asking Mike about what happened, and when Mike talked about killing eggs he didn't panic, scream at him or anything, he tried to get information. He knows the feeling of not being himself and that's how he sees Mike right now, a broken man who is not himself because of trauma.

I've talked about it once or twice, but even if the happy pills arc is over the old Forever will never return, cause he doesn't exist anymore, he has been traumatized way too many times to come back.

Boy I feel like this doesn't make a lot of sense and yeah it's mostly me rambling cause I just have too many thoughts lmao but the main thing of this giant wall of text is:

Forever is fucked up, his mind is not in a good place and might not ever be again. He didn't come back wrong the way people like Mike did, but he definitely changed.

[woundlingus]

Colour Grading, Insincerity, and Loki is right and Gabriel is wrong; a Lokiel Meta

It’s the big gun, it’s the mother lode of me ripping apart Unfinished Business frame by frame to feed my shipping and laying out all my thoughts on the matter clearly as can be so maybe I can sway some people sitting on the fence or at least give some context to those who see my posts and go “wtf” because they’re not viewing this through the lens of my insanity. Want to know why these guys haunt me? Here;

Credit where credit is due, the one thing I’ve always really liked about supernatural is how they use colour grading to tell the story, and it’s not really all that secretive that the Gabriel episodes look aesthetically like some of the best episodes because they colour them very specifically to set the tone for them;

Fun

Nonsensical

Insincere

The three big tells that something trickster is afoot in the episode, (and I apologise for the scuffed quality on some of these, I’m skating the tumblr upload rules).

(Tall Tales 2x15)

(Mystery spot 3x11)

(Changing Channels 5x08)

It tells us that whatever is currently happening typically feels very real to those experiencing it, but is actually not at all. This is make believe. It’s a figment of Gabriel’s imagination that he’s whipped up at his own convenience to tell the story he wishes to impart upon the narrative. While this is obvious in the earlier season when they’re still shooting on film and using the dark overlays to create a spooky ambiance, it still follows through to the end for Gabriel until he puts down the trickster label and picks back up the archangel one and officially joins the Winchesters bringing him into the same dark coloured world that we’re used to viewing. There’s a sadness in it, that Gabriel went from all these bright colours to essentially having his spirit snuffed out by Asmodeus, but it gives us a very clear point to reference when things are real and when they’re make believe.

Obviously Gabriel is a liar, we’ve all known that to be true since his very first appearance- but there’s one incident that I talk about often that bothers me deeply but I’ve never really explained why.

The hotel with the rest of the trickster gang.

Gabriel tells this story three times in a pretty short time span- short enough for Dean to remember and call him out on it in the moment, and every time he tells it the story is altered ever so slightly.

I was alone with porn stars in Monte Carlo

I was alone with Loki and Co in Monte Carlo

I was with porn stars AND Loki n Co in Monte Carlo

He’s always been a very unreliable narrator, but this one was particularly on the nose and when it comes to “continuity errors” Gabriel is always aware of them, he does it on purpose because he wants to get caught. We should ask the question, why did it take you three attempts for us to hear this?

He tells his final iteration of the story in grand bright colours, telling feats of his sexual exploits and how good he is at cards, “and then everyone clapped and cheered for me” and then Loki Judas betrays him because Gabriel is so cool and his brothers are so tough and Loki was scared witless and hoping to avoid bloodshed blah blah blah…

Here’s what the real world looks like in comparison to Gabriel’s little fantasy he’s got running here-

This matches the rest of supernatural, this is a realistic portrayal of events through the eyes of Sam and Dean. This is the bitter reality Gabriel is avoiding with his fantastical little displays; he’s a broken little man who is hurt, injured, and scared.

So, Loki tells another variation of this story, yes? Gabriel was the betrayer here, not Loki. Gabriel ran out recklessly and while passing world saving information to the Winchesters, both saving the world AND the vast majority of Loki’s family, he cannot convince Odin to leave and he dies in battle (and like, he would’ve gone to Valhalla can we just unclench a little?). That is why Loki chooses to damn Gabriel to Hell with a very reckless move to attempt to take down an archangel, sell him to a demon, and then cross his fingers and pray his bestie- the 6th most powerful thing in all of creation ever- doesn’t break free from this pitiful demon eventually and come looking for him. But the environment tells another story, look;

It’s the return of the high vibrancy filter, because this room isn’t real, Loki isn’t real, and neither is the story he’s telling. What are the tricksters, if not liars and showboats?

There’s a huge lack in vulnerability which is what they’re both trying to paint over in these scenes to make themselves cool, to make themselves the victim, to make themselves untouchable. Loki tells a half cocked story about the archangel bastard who took his father, completely detached from any real sort of attachment to Gabriel or Odin- even says himself that he hates Odin! And in a story where we know the ending is Gabriel at the hands of Asmodeus he spends ninety nine percent of the story talking about pornstars. They cannot be vulnerable with these outsiders watching them, they also don’t seem to want to admit to themselves what the crux of the issue is here.

They both want to be the ultimate victim of the situation, they’re painting these half done stories trying to convince an audience (Sam and Dean) that doesn’t care that they are right and the other is wrong—

Until they meet each other;

You can lie to everyone, but you can’t lie to yourself.

We’re back, grounded in reality in this moment when they come face to face with each other, the lighting darkens and becomes gritty once more meaning all facades are down and what’s transpiring here between them is without tricks, and there’s an honor in that when it is a battle between two very clever tricksters who could make this endlessly complicated if they wanted to. When they fight, Gabriel is next to silent (listening, or trauma response? You can decide) and Loki does all his talking for Gabriel and Gabriel alone. They have no one to impress here, they sent the Winchesters on a fools errand to have this moment alone creating a tense intimacy where Loki shreds Gabriel’s facades and calls him out for what he truly is and lays out his deep rooted fears and secrets bare, letting us as the outside party they’re unaware of know that what the two of them were here wasn’t some ordinary friendship or half cocked deal out of desperation, but a real and honest bond between two beings terrified, alone, and looking for safety and someone to confide in. They’re each others secret keepers. Long time confidants. Their most trusted. The reason both of them ran to begin with, in a plan that would involve them wrapping themselves so tightly around the other they’d become one in all ways but physical, and promise to keep each other and that secret until death do them part.

It is bloody, and messy, and Loki has no real way of winning this fight because he cannot hurt Gabriel in any way that matters because he’s an archangel and whether he takes damage or not he will live because of the way he was made, only one of them is killable here and only one of them has any intention of killing the other and it’s not Loki. It’s never been Loki. Ever faithful Loki.

They made a vow, and maybe it was childish and unrealistic but that’s what the two of them are by nature are they not? Fickle, childish, and endlessly devoted. To their families, to their lovers, to their fathers, to each other.

Loki should run at this point, if he has any intention of wanting to live. He’s not stupid, he knows Gabriel better than anyone else in the world and Gabriel acknowledges this by how hurt he is emotionally by the way Loki talks about him and the secrets they’ve passed over the thousands of years they’ve known one another. He’s smart enough to know sentiment won’t save him here, it didn’t save his sons, Sleipnir tried that already and it failed spectacularly. Gabriel is here to kill him, and when you take into consideration the wild power imbalance here in this battle what Loki is doing is essentially laying his head down on the chopping block for Gabriel. He’s a smart creature to survive this long, he could be gone if he really wanted to be just like the many times we watched Gabriel disappear.

He doesn’t.

To me, the crux of their story here is abandonment. You left me. Gabriel made the choice to break his vows, and chase after a family he left behind and even though YES it was for a noble reason that is still nothing when it was a personal stab in the back to Loki who also left his family behind to run away with Gabriel and didn’t go for Odin even though the call was put out to Loki to join the gods for the evening.

Loki didn’t go for his family, but Gabriel did.

Loki didn’t go to save his father in an event they were both invited to, Loki had the opportunity to go and save Odin and he chose his bond to Gabriel over saving him. Gabriel discarded his vow and went anyway, and Odin died.

Gabriel betrays Loki, and it’s not that Odin died, it’s that Loki was willing to sacrifice the opportunity to save him and Gabriel couldn’t say the same for his own family. Odin died for nothing, when Loki could’ve been there the whole time to come get him, and he was robbed of that opportunity while Gabriel went behind his back to do exactly that for his family.

Loki was faithful to his own detriment, and Gabriel was not.

Gabriel is punished fairly in Loki’s eyes because this isn’t just about some deadbeat dad (who chained Loki in a cave to torture him). This is a slight of a much more intimate nature. This was a betrayal of the worst kind.

Gabriel is unfaithful.

Everyone knows that Asmodeus is the demon Prince of lust, but in a little more detail that’s not entirely what makes him up. The cardinal sins are the worst because they are what you inflict upon others, an upon your very soul. Lust is something inherent to the condition of just being alive, but the sin is in the act of hurting others and yourself, so the vast majority of what Asmodeus is imagined ruling over is the adulterer, he is most often the one depicted punishing the unfaithful. Loki wasn’t just looking for a way to hurt Gabriel for the sake of inflicting pain, the trickster is never like that. The trickster doesn’t strike just to maim. Loki is sending a very explicit message to Gabriel by giving him to Asmodeus of all people;

“You were unfaithful.”

— Okay, maybe it’s wrong to say that Loki had every right to do what he did because it was definitely still A LOT to do to someone, but it’s far more understandable when the emotional weight of Gabriel’s crime is made clearer. You probably shouldn’t torture anyone ever for any reason— I’m avidly anti-torture— but dick move Gabriel…

And look, yeah they both sleep around and invite porn stars and hookers to the hotel rooms and what not and I certainly will not hang my ‘Gabriel is a bad person here’ hat on the human morality of monogamy because I think it’s shallow and a disservice to the kind of bond the two of them actually have, but there’s an extra added pain in it that Gabriel also turns up for his ex girlfriend in this situation who is willing to betray him for basically a can of pop but not for Loki who will let Odin die to protect Gabriel.

Gabriel comes back, and he offers no apologies because he isn’t capable of learning his lesson, he is selfish by nature (Also the inherent message of the nature of Hell and torture being one that is wholly unnecessary and cruel, punishment never breeds change internal or societal, you can’t change and reform under immense duress it just further traumatises and keeps you locked in the cycle, the system of Hell shouldn’t exist period). Instead, Gabriel comes to kill Loki’s boys so he can watch them struggle and die first before Gabriel delivers the final blow to the man himself. Would you want to live after all of that either, entirely alone without your family or the one who loved and understood you the most- or so you thought?

And could Gabriel live with it either, knowing the punishment didn’t fit the crime but that Loki had a point (see script) and he wasn’t innocent either and it’s cost him everything because now he gets to look at what it was he saved and it’s a brother who seeks him out in the dark just to torment him about his abuse?

And the story ends circular here, devastating me personally even further by twisting the knife.

Gabriel ran away because his family was so horribly broken, and Loki took off with him to escape his torture. Together they made the plan to become one and Gabriel could use Loki’s face and name to hide among the pagans, and his archangel might to take all the hits being thrown Loki’s way and keep him hidden, because no one’s going to fuck with the god who has the freaky new upgrade and just escaped the slammer. Slowly over time what was Gabriel and what was Loki had melded into two very similar personalities, a little different based on their life experiences, but still so the same they were indistinguishable to everyone but each other.

The core difference between them is their life experiences.

Until Gabriel comes back, tail between his knees and asks Loki to please take him back and let him resume playing the ‘Loki’ character, and Loki says sure, and he binds him and and subjects him to torture at the hands of Gabriel’s very own snake in the cave. Mouth stitched shut. “Be me, then,” He says. “Be me in my entirety.”

And Gabriel comes back after this, bitter and angry and he picks up a weapon and he starts knocking Loki’s family down piece by piece, stalking them through the night no matter how far they run, to make sure Loki’s family is as broken as his own before he delivers the final blow to end his life.

Loki’s family as shattered as Gabriel’s, Gabriel as shattered as Loki himself. Fully one in death.

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

the funny thing about kyuushi is how it drops lore in akajas instead of the main manga but because it’s an episodic gag manga, i guess you can’t help it. but with all the lore i got so far (and what a difficult thing it is. thank you dedicated fans) i think i like how the central theme really is the human-vampire (esp hunter) relationship.

am i really writing meta about the vampire cock and boobs show? of fucking course. though less than meta it’s just me writing my thoughts

but with the recent akaja with northdin, it really occurred to me that the lore’s narrative had always hung on the fact that the 1800′s was a difficult time for everyone and now times are changing. how the vampire-human conflicts probably had so many casualties and how what we’re seeing is the aftermath of the event. a post-war recovery, if you will and it’s been centuries sure but vampires live so long it might as well be just five years ago to them. the vampire lore seems to be a story about how you deal with the after effects of conflict when you live so damn long. in fact, it’s so deep in the dragon clan’s narrative, that their feelings of loneliness, failure, and frustrations all goes back to that time.

Grandpa misses his friend (who is a hunter lmao) and thinks wistfully about how the time has changed and humans and vampires working together is such a lovely sight (as seen when he played tag with everyone in shin-yoko). he misses helsing so much and hopes he was still around to show what humans have done in the present. “Take care of your human friend” he says to Draluc, looking so sad most of the time but trying to connect with humans due to his fondness for them.

Mira doesn’t care much for humans but because of the conflicts and her hopes to make a better world for her son, she ended up not seeing him throughout his childhood and not even knowing him 200 years later. she doesn’t know the man he’s become. she doesn’t know he has a familiar. she doesn’t know he loves his friends and he’s happier with them. she knows he was lonely but simply thought it was her failure that made it so. so she selfishly kidnapped her own son and turned him into a kid again to fulfill her own desires. she was worried and frustrated at the fact that she seemed to have missed her chance to be with him until draluc pointed out that there was still time to get to know each other

Draus sheltered his son and did all he could to keep him safe knowing he was weak. (when northdin mentioned how seeing draluc die was so chilling, he understood why Draus was like that) the human-vampire conflict worsened his anxiety for his son who could not use the dragon blood’s powers due to how weak he was. so he ended up spoiling him, his only son. he even made a ring to ensure the kid’s protection from other clans. he met with the other clan leaders and in his own way and influence, tried to make the world a better place for him. By the time his son sought independence, he still couldn’t help but worry about him.

And then there’s northdin who does not like humans at all. like Draus, he worries for Draluc in his own way even when the kid had no respect for him. (like fucking hell that akaja) he’s anxious about trying to make the kid stronger because the human conflict is getting worse, which was why he took the kid under his wing to begin with. He cared for the kid to the point of running straight to them when he found out an exorcist had found draluc, even begging that he could drive a stake to his heart if he promised to keep the kid safe. and it was this that changed clergy at the time of the human-vampire conflict too! which led to northdin turning him and how he’s lived with the regret when he didn’t wake up to the point that his diary is a mess (again that fucking akaja) and now they met and there’s closure to it.

and then there’s draluc who is caught in between. being young and sheltered to not know enough about the conflict (i mean he sat and had tea with a goddamn exorcist lol) and having experiences that’s indirectly caused by the conflict. his weakness and sheltered life in the middle of the fights had isolated him from others, but also made him lonely. his mother couldn’t see him due to her work. he didn’t have friends and he was treated as a delicate thing. his first friend was John, who he was reluctant to take with him due to the fear of trapping him forever in a life of eternal loneliness with him (even though he was so overjoyed at finally having a friend!) “im not lonely. i have john” but it’s different now that he’s in shin-yoko. everyday has been fun for him.

and now, in the present you can see how these people are trying to heal from the aftermath and how ronaldo and draluc’s relationship is somehow central to it, the proof of the future they had aspired, or the closure they had always wanted. ronaldo and draluc’s easy friendship has touched grandpa, who had always wanted the easy friendship between vampires and humans (edit: i reread the grandpa tag chapter and he had a flashback of his friend through ronaldo?? god fucking dam), how ronaldo and hinaichi looking for draluc when mira took him made her understand that his son is not the kid he used to know, that she didn’t really know him but it’s not too late to. How Ronaldo being there to take care of draluc had reassured Draus that his son would be okay and he won’t be lonely. (northdin is a work in progress lol. but he’s also working on his issues with his guilt for clergy. which draluc was responsible for ahaha) 

and now Draluc is no longer lonely and has someone to be with. someone who is always fun and doesn’t treat him like a delicate flower (for better or worse) but is also reliable enough to save him (ranging between kidnapping to the getting flushed down the drain lol) and they’re trying to love happy now. a lot of vampires are. so i think it’s nice. i have no idea what im saying.

[sevensoulmates]

As always it's a delight to get to read your posts and meta, it's just as satisfactory and fun as it is watching the show. You're just awesome ❤️

You know after watching the last episode (and now that we know little bit more about Marisol) it made me feel really sorry for her, because I just know she'll be collateral damage while Eddie figures himself out and that's just so sad. And I wasn't really sure why those comments Eddie made about him/Marisol when they encountered Buck and Tommy at the restaurant and after having sex with her made me feel so uncomfortable, but then you pointed it out and I was like yeah that was kinda like locker room talk, Eddie was overcompensating here like trying to be a big macho man and that's why it felt so weird.

I'm baffled about Eddie's situation the most because I'm sure it's gonna be hell for him for a while since he will have to work through a lot of issues to finally be at peace with himself. And until stated otherwise my headcanon is the same as yours. I'm sure he is a gay repressed man (and not no get into the gay Eddie vs demisexual  Eddie discourse but I'm sure he may be both) I grew up in a Mexican household, I was raised catholic and although I wasn't in the army my dad was and he raised me and my siblings with an iron fist. So Eddie's background/storyline has always hit too close to home for me. I'm just dreading all the issues he's going to have to face.

Which brings me to this. To show his coming out arc and make it into completion do you think they will have to show us more about his childhood and upbringing, not just having Eddie talking about it but to have scenes like we did with Buck's childhood?

And why do you think the scene about Buck apologizing to Eddie for hurting him at the basketball court had to happen off screen?

Btw thanks for always replying to my questions.

Hi there!!! No problem!!! You always have super interesting questions to ask, so I am always delighted to answer them!

We all know how Eddie feels about "performance". I just feel like why would Eddie feel like the performance stops once he's actually made it past the dating phase and into the relationship phase? Maybe the external pressure from others is off (none of his family or the firefam questioning him, etc) but in order to KEEP the relationship, it really would require MORE performing.

It's fascinating to me, because we don't see Eddie acting this way with Shannon. You could make some arguments that their relationship was pretty fractured from the get-go and we didn't really see their dating/"honeymoon" phase but even when they were ~slightly~ back together in season 2b, Eddie wasn't acting like that with Shannon. Even when they were sleeping together, he wasn't. The most he did was make a couple of cringe comments about his "dashing good looks" or something, but that was more poking fun at himself. Even when Eddie was telling Buck about how "sex complicates things" with Shannon, he wasn't out here smirking or making comments about how good it feels to finally get some after two years of (apparent) celibacy. Say what you want about their relationship, but at least Eddie respected Shannon enough as a person to not start speaking about her that way. Their relationship was far too serious for that.

With Ana, it was so incredibly hard to watch because even though the storyline ITSELF wasn't about sex, a lot of their scenes had that edge to it? Like the sex-scene fake out in season 4, "grade me on a curve", "you really like to see me dressed up" "and the other thing" it was so ODD and FORCED. At the time of s4/5 airing you could maybe chalk it up to Eddie overcorrecting since it's his first real relationship after Shannon, but then he goes and does the same thing with Marisol which now makes it a pattern.

Once it clicked in my brain that the reason his relationships with women feel so fake is that he is literally putting on a show of hyper-heterosexuality (idk if that's a real term or not but roll with me here) it all made sense. I think seeing him "in a relationship" with Marisol for real was the final puzzle piece to seal this deal for me.

His extreme performances with these women, combined with their purposeful lack of development into full characters, all points to the fact that none of these relationships are going to work out. Eddie is not going to be able to actually settle down with his "endgame" partner until he actually finds someone he can be his true, real self with and "doesn't have to pretend with them" ;)

Is it bad that I actually enjoyed getting to know Marisol a little? Putting aside the actress, Marisol, the character, is interesting, because we're actually getting to know her a little bit more, far more than we got to with Ana. But I find both of these love interests fascinating in one mutual way: the fact that they put up with Eddie. Like I think about other characters and if they would've been okay being treated by their partners the way Eddie treats his girlfriends and I'm like.....hell no!

Oddly enough the only person I could see putting up with it was Buck before he finally started realizing that he doesn't have to be in a relationship with someone just because they want him. Only someone who also has deep insecurities, abandonment issues, and a general lack of self-respect would put up with Eddie's BS to his girlfriends. That's not to say that Eddie's a horrible person or abuses his partners or anything, but it's basically indisputable that he does not ever put in any emotional work to actually create meaningful relationships with his girlfriends. So why were Ana and now Marisol, so willing to accept that?

Ana resisted the break-up even though she could feel Eddie's whole heart wasn't in it. She was willing to keep trying in a dead relationship just in the hopes that something would work out. The same goes for Marisol. Idk about you, but if I was in a relationship with a man for going on 4-6 months and he knew NOTHING about me? I'd feel unloved, uncared for, and unappreciated, and I'd LEAVE.

We know that Marisol was scared of Eddie rejecting her or fetishizing her and that's why she didn't tell him about the nun thing, and I understand her reasoning and fear there. But gworlie, what else do we know about you? Can Eddie name a single hobby you have outside of loving Jesus and DIYing houses? Does Eddie even know your last name? It really makes me think that Marisol is unfortunately the type to just let things like this slide in the hopes that some man will accept her, any man. Since they rarely do because of the nun thing. And boy, do I understand that feeling, but that's NOT real love. I bet you anything once we get to the Eddiemarisol breakup she's gonna be very similar to Ana in that she knew Eddie's heart wasn't fully in it, but she just didn't want to be alone again.

I think that like attracts like, and Eddie's clutching onto this relationship for the same reason Marisol's clutching onto this relationship: because it's easier than being alone and being judged for it.

This is a tangent but I also want to point out that one thing that Eddie found uncomfortable about Marisol being a nun was the fact that nuns used to be his teachers....but was Ana also not a teacher? Just because she wasn't a nun, doesn't mean she couldn't have also been in a position of power that Eddie could've found uncomfortable. I find it interesting that even though Marisol's not a teacher, the show found a way to connect her to teachers and therefore to Ana.

As for Eddie's coming out arc, while I don't think it's entirely a necessity to have flashbacks to how he grew up, I certainly think it would help a lot of people who can't read between the lines if they had some. I especially would like to see scenes of young him + Shannon. Maybe seeing how the pressure from his family and church led him to believe men have to be a certain way, potentially microaggressions about being lgbt that he might've seen from his family/church (I don't necessarily mean full-on homophobia but possibly like little ways in which he was shown that there was no other "acceptable" option from his church other than heterosexuality. I think seeing scenes of how he and Shannon got together could be enlightening too, how their community reacted to them getting pregnant, etc. I think all of this, combined with a mirrored storyline in the present (similar to Buck Begins) would really drive home the point the show is trying to make, especially if they can finally be overt about Eddie's queerness. BUT all of this can still be done present day without the need for flashbacks either. I just think it would be a way to make the storytelling more rich and to spell it out more obviously for the people in the back.

As for Buck apologizing to Eddie for the basketball scene...I would've liked to see it too, but at the end of the day, it's like Ryan said in his interview...Eddie was always going to forgive Buck because he loves him to his core, because he knew Buck didn't come at it from a place of truly wanting to hurt Eddie. All of it was a manifestation of Buck's own issues, and by this point (especially after the lawsuit arc and the deadbrother arc) Eddie is aware of that. We did see plenty of scenes where Buck was scolded and demonstrated he was aware his actions were shitty, and Eddie probably assumed that letting Buck stew in his own guilt was atonement enough. And so I think likely the writers felt that in the end, the sentiment got across. Separately--given all the switcheroo stuff that happened with 7x04 and 7x05, I wouldn't be surprised if there WAS an apology scene and it got cut for time.

[alagaesia-headcanons]

There's something inherently ugly about how you ship Murtagh with Orrin. It's one thing to not like the main ship for a beloved character as set up by the author - valid - but it's another to push half of said ship away to force in your fave pasty white boy. You can write meta after meta after meta all you want about how poor Orrin is done dirty, or how that meanie Nasuada hurt him, or how the books don't put your fave background character on a pedestal, but all your writing amounts to is the fact that you've imprinted on Orrin and are now using him as a vessel for your original character. In your writing, he's not a character from the series anymore - he's your OC wearing Orrin's face and bearing Orrin's name. Which, it isn't bad to expand upon a sidelines character. But it's the way you turn around and spew how fandom fave Murtagh is in love with your OC that really shows the truth and the rot festering in you. You can cry and bemoan the romantic love Paolini has written between Murtagh and Nasuada, but your essay won't amount to jack shit if you're just going to turn around and replace Nasuada with your OC and suddenly sing it's praise.

Before you start decrying all of this, ask yourself: why are you so desperate to discredit canon's romance? It's one thing to think they should both remain single after the trauma they experienced throughout the series - fair take. But then why are you so eager to prop up your own ship? Is "Orrin" inherently more worthy of of Murtagh's love? Or is Nasuada simply not worthy, but instead in the way, in your eyes? You can wish all you want for people to love your writing, but that doesn't hide the rotten foundation of your ship: sidelining Nasuada to uplift your white fave and wanting him to have all that she does. No amount of rambling meta about how they're a "good ship" and they would work will ever cover up your inherent biases and -ism's that your poor sad white boy's ship is built upon.

For the love of god.

Anon, let me just say this to you directly- block me. It's that easy. Sending something like this instead is an embarrassment. But since you've already said your piece, I'll go ahead and say mine.

Let me first bring up what you oddly wouldn't directly accuse me of (maybe even you knew what a blatant straw man it is), that being racism. I'm not going to make light of this. Racism in fandom is a real issue, and separating a ship with a character of color to ship white characters can be a symptom of that. I have never turned a blind eye to this and I make a continual effort to remain conscious of it because it's incredibly important to me that I'm not contributing to this kind of prejudice in fandom.

This pairing started years ago when I thought of a crack ship polycule with all three of them. Over time as I considered that, the idea of shipping Murtagh and Orrin developed into a distinct concept which I found more intriguing than shipping Murtagh and Nasuada. At that point, I made an active decision to examine my interest and determine if it was grounded in the way canon presents the individual qualities and dynamics of these specific characters, independent of the broad groups any of them fall into, or if it lacked any such basis in canon and only stemmed from an unconscious bias of mine. And if I didn't find any substantial elements of canon that supported the idea, I intended to put it away and work through my bias.

So I looked, and I found I could fully explain the reasons the ship appealed to me through the details in the books. I never made some public announcement about taking this issue into full consideration because it shouldn't be performative. Holding myself accountable is a basic personal responsibility which I take seriously, not something to make me look better. But it’s always felt meaningful to simply convey that I care about putting thought and reason into my ideas and my preference for my ship isn’t baseless. I’ve done that, but it seems I should be more direct here.

So let me lay out my thought process. Why am I not interested in shipping Murtagh and Nasuada? The things that deter me personally are both emotional and logistical issues. The major emotional issue to me is how disparate their priorities are. Murtagh prioritizes protecting loved ones, which causes issues when he accepts and complies with awful acts while trying to defend them. Nasuada prioritizes the good of her cause, which causes issues when she dismisses another person’s wellbeing when it’s in the way of her goals. Murtagh’s character arc is about learning the best thing he can do for his loved ones might be accepting their willingness to make sacrifices, suggesting he becomes aware of his issue and would try to correct that going forward. However, Nasuada still doesn’t seem aware of her issue after the war, given her policy about magicians and her minimal concern for Roran, so that still presents an underlying problem that would badly exacerbate their serious trauma until it’s addressed.

None of that is a moral judgment on anything. Both of them could cause any number of other issues; it’s just stating where they stand. And I still think they could be written in a way that stays true to their characters while working through those issues so that they stay together. I think it’d be exceptionally challenging, and it still might not be to my own taste, but it has that potential. But there are also logistical issues. Nasuada is queen in Uru’baen. I genuinely feel like this is so meaningful to her character, a very fitting culmination of her aspirations, and if she were to take substantial spans away from her throne, it would be a disservice to how she was written. That said, with the way I characterize Murtagh, I really don’t feel that he would want to openly settle in a place defined by politics and power struggles. I feel like it would be very unfulfilling for him and Thorn, especially in the city of his tumultuous childhood and their tortuous enslavement. So given the dissatisfaction if Nasuada left the rule she wants and deserves and the discontent of Murtagh living in Uru’baen, I struggle to imagine them as more than a distant, intermittent relation.

So that’s why I personally don’t enjoy shipping them. Of course, it’s subjective, but I feel like it’s also fair, and you seem to suggest that you do too. So let’s move on. So now the question is if a potential relationship with Orrin would present the same or equivalent issues that I overlook just because he's a white man.

Naturally, this is subjective too, but I say no. Of course there are still possible emotional issues between them (if there were none it’d be boring), but they’re different. Given the way specific way Orrin grieves for his friends and struggles to have faith in their cause when he sees the risk of his people being killed, I believe he is also more focused on looking after individuals than pursuing a cause. I feel like that lays a smoother groundwork with Murtagh, who has been hurt by people who dismissed his wellbeing, and that reduces a lot of underlying pain between them. Orrin’s other struggles, like defeatism, fear, and hopelessness, as well as yearning for recognition and autonomy, align with Murtagh’s experience more in a way that makes their emotional issues more interesting to engage with.

With logistical issues, obviously Orrin is also a king. But I don’t find that presents the same issues either. I interpret that Orrin didn’t want to be king and isn’t content in that role. When the matter of Murtagh’s desire to avoid being openly tied to Surda’s seat of power arises, I find a much more interesting and balanced potential story where Orrin also hopes to leave his crown and they support each other in their search for a home that they can both make their own. The discrepancies I personally find so bothersome between Murtagh and Nasuada don’t come up with Murtagh and Orrin, so I enjoy their ship more. It’s just about my interpretation of compatibility. That is the crux of my thought process. No one has to agree with it, but I believe it stands as a fair assessment.

You insist that I ask myself why I prefer one ship over another. I've done that. I've already been doing that the entire time and will continue to do so. You keep whining that I make a lot of meta analysis about aspects of the characters and how I feel like they would or wouldn't mesh together, and yeah. That's the whole fucking point. In the same way I just did, those posts explore and articulate the concrete reasons one ship appeals to me and one doesn't. For years I've diligently asked myself why I'm drawn to Murtagh/Orrin more than Murtagh/Nasuada and I'm fully secure and confident in my answer that it's the emotional and narrative possibilities they have that appeal to me more. If I was given all the details of these characters, stripped of any names, descriptions, genders, ect. I know I would still really love this ship.

And that's not even to say that it's somehow "better" (it's just different in a way that suits my taste), or that Murtagh and Nasuada's relationship must be meaningless or non-existent if it's not romantic. In my story where I ship him and Orrin, he and Nasuada go through struggles, but as they grow, they're able to reconcile and learn to better support each other and their relationship ends in a much better place.

(Also, if you're talking about my “essay” that Murtagh's true name doesn't change because he fell for Nasuada, that's irrelevant to shipping them. The series could end with them getting married and they could be my all time otp, and it'd still be true that falling in love didn't change his true name. It's just a separate part of his character arc.)

For another thing, Murtagh and Nasuada are NOT a canon ship, and that does matter. For example, it has very different implications to change an interracial ship that is happily married in canon. In the IC, it is canon that they're attracted to each other, but nothing beyond that. (And I've never even discredited that! In fact, I've said their attraction is well written and in character. It's included in my story; I didn't overwrite it.) They're never in a relationship and there's no set up that implies romance is inevitable for their stories. You yourself acknowledge that there are very valid reasons to interpret that a romantic relationship wouldn't work between them!!! So if it's fine to not ship Murtagh and Nasuada as a couple, why is it suddenly heinous to imagine Murtagh with someone else?

It’s not. Your claims are far more baseless and distasteful. Why do you act like Nasuada couldn’t possibly be respected or worthy without Murtagh’s affection? Why do you act like pointing out her mistakes condemns her entirely, as if she’s not allowed to have any flaws? Why do you think a relationship with Murtagh is equivalent to all that Nasuada has? I won’t make your kind of moral accusations about a stranger, but I will simply say that I find that very objectionable. I love Nasuada for being such a unique, flawed, and fascinating character who is so much more than all that. And if you made such a volatile, deplorable, inappropriate response simply to the idea that Murtagh- a fictional character- could love someone else, you might need to take a step back. You’re being cruel.

(Also, I don’t feel like going through the whole “u just made orrin into an oc” shit tbh. This is long enough. I take care to draw my characterization from canon, but y’all can read my stuff and decide for yourself if you’d like. Although, saying I imprinted on him is the funniest part of this ludicrous message. You know what, yeah. I’ve tricked you all. You thought this blog was being run by a human being? WRONG. Baby duckling.)

[wereoz]

@cnka i wanted to reply to ur question abt my thoughts on the tsn doc on my actual post but the tags were so insanely long i was like. i need to make an actual post

SO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

first off, wow im just so astounded by the fervent love that went into making tsn. it was a risk and so unlike other projects fincher and anyone else there had done but w/ their commitment to it it turned out SO amazingly. the fact they sat around a table and argued for hours abt how the lines fit and everyone could make their case is just. WOW!!!! they really made sure everyone understood and loved playing their characters.

erica's and christies actresses werent very common appearances like mark but they really went all in too im in AWE!! NOT TO MENTION MARYLINS WOW!! rooney mara really just. god she went so hard into making sure all of ericas kindness and leniency and frustration were so clear, she was so focused in the behind the scenes footage and obviously having so much fun <33 i love that brenda song was able to relate to christie's jealousy and fear eduardo was cheating. the fact all the actors ARE the characters ages and are as chaotic and fierce and dedicated and ambitious makes it soooo<3333 rashida jones describing marilyn as a greek chorus just watching hit SO hard. the second hand experience of this young man going through this epic tale by just hearing it thru testimony is a crazy thing. the act of listening is so simple but becomes so emotional even as everyone wants to keep it professional

on the twins: i find it so wonderful that the actors armie and josh played both twins. it just WORKS bc twins take the 'know u better than u do' that siblings have and take it to absolutely insane levels. the fact these actors have literally got access to both the twins minds takes the performance to a whole new level like those twins know each other inside and out!!!! its a meta thing that goes truly crazy.

you have already seen me say the bts of the erica and mark breakup truly kills me bc. he is being an asshole and not listening and the fact he doesn’t mean to doesn’t change that he is. she has to leave, but it’s so sad that she does bc… fincher calling him 'damaged goods' implies a universe where whatever makes him like this isnt present. where maybe he’s fine. so. GOD :’(( (i think it’s autism + the bad life experiences that come from that & being queer + the bad life experiences that come from that, heightened by the era)

on a more positive note i love that on set picking out the accessories andrew says ‘i’ when hes speaking as eduardo. he’s really dedicated to the role its great. also that he and jesse had conversations in character like these 20 year olds r crazy truly. love them for that !!

during the whole thing, everyone is so suspicious, and condemning to mark: like, noting that he is driven by ego, jesse jokes mark is okay with the cold because he doesn’t feel anything, and also, there’s a part when sorkin, fincher, andrew, and jesse are sitting around and talking about the scene where mark & eduardo argue abt ads. essentially, they make the argument that mark always says ‘i’ when eduardo says ‘we’ because in his mind, eduardo hasn’t contributed much at all. while mark is up coding for hours straight, eduardo is at some phoenix thing so? what gives?

so i was reframing my understanding of mark (which. is very indulgent cus i love him), and trying to get as close to his brain as i could and i was coming up with him generally being pretty… hard on the outside for lack of a better word. he’s not traditionally intimidating (like the script states) but its hard to crack him and you can really see this with jesse’s physicality like he’s so stiff. that’s pretty innocuous but i think this is something he uses to put distance between him and his loved ones- very frustrating. and i think every time i realise how much mark is an asshole i remember so many reasons why they added *trying to be.

when fincher called him damaged goods it’s like. the most in the doc people give him the benefit of the doubt (also sorkin saying he wanted to balance out all of mark’s character). which is pretty good because marks good traits are supposed to be very subtle and hit you when you don’t expect it. that’s very much how i felt when i suddenly remembered ‘sorry. that was mean.’ he truly is just trying to be an asshole. he wants to be nicer than he is but he also wants more power than he does and as someone who felt pretty powerless the rest of his life, that trumps the rest. he really thinks he can have both experiences, power and love, and he just hates that every time he takes a step in one direction it cancels out the other. this actually really fits in well w/ my next point

i also want to say that the fact mark videoing everyone was explained as him wanting to force proof that everything is fine, and they’re happy is making me so :(( MARK!!!! :(( he is so. i mean its two things: its the ‘i won, but did i?’ of it all. mark won the argument but its a hollow victory, being some sillicon valley titan isn’t emotionally fulfilling, it will never be enough. especially not when its costing him a good friend. the way the end is laced throughout the entire movie is so sick to me

re marks bullshit i also love how they mentioned that marks jealousy about the final clubs is more than just wanting to be in eduardo’s position its like - i thought we had some loser solidarity and now its like you’re a whole different person. its less of a horrible feeling when ur at the bottom with someone and mark feels betrayed. ofc mark doesn’t feel safe to express this emotion (bc bullied nerd boy whos probs bi in the 2000s), or doesn’t know that’s what he’s feeling, and decides it’s eduardo’s fault and freezes him out for it.

this is just off the top of my head i certainly have more and will probably talk more abt this lovely doc again :^))

[theeminentlyimpractical]

ALRIGHT I HAVE SOME CROWLEY THOUGHTS that are LONG and UNHINGED buckle up kids //// MILD SPOILERS(?)

Essentially - knowing Crowley's angelic rank recontextualizes a lot of the first season. Hat tip to @moonyinpisces for inspiring this madness with their Pre-Fall Thoughts.

BLUF/shitpost TL;DR:

God machinated the not-pocalypse, including manipulating both our idiot angels (this is canon, fight me)

Crowley Fell out of necessity in The Plan, knows that as a higher ranking Angel and both resents God and still believes in Her Plan

When foiling the Antichrist initially fails, my man has a crisis of Faith, thinks God has abandoned him yet AGAIN, and is like WELP FREE WILL IS ON THE TABLE NOW BABYYYYY 

LET’S RUN AWAY ANGEL NO ONE IS WATCHING THIS IS MY ACTUAL SELF HELLO NICE TO MEET YOU

Aziraphale, having been a heavenly plebe*, still believes in the hierarchy of Heaven and blah blah blah

Crowley, still a Believer at heart, makes one last plea to the Almighty OR HE WILL RUN AWAY SO HELP HERSELF

My Guy is successfully manipulated by God into staying and also rescuing Book Girl’s Book

Great Plan fails successfully 

Oh. OH.

They survive thanks to another divine intervention.

Crowley muses on the ACTUAL Big One, which like, my dude, how do you KNOW?  👀

Aziraphale is entirely unaware of this whole process and is fully on team Free Will and is all “our bookshop” this and “our car” that; meanwhile

Crowley is now a full time existentialist and part time Sad Keanu because if his entire existence is predetermined, why do anything, including love?

*this also makes it super fucking funny that Aziraphale insists on standards. Crowley is quiet luxury. Aziraphale is nouveau riche.

ACTUAL META WITH CANON CITATIONS (yes the above is the short version):

I’ve always assumed that Crowley falling was part of The Ineffable Plan, similar to how it was necessary for Aziraphale to give away his sword. God accepts Aziraphale’s babbling excuses, and 6,000 years later the sword shows up in the hands of War. When he returns to Heaven, he is reprimanded only for losing his body - the sword has ineffably disappeared from Heaven’s requisition roles. He HAD give it away in order for it - and him - to play their respective parts in The Great Plan.

And that was thwarted only by Aziraphale and Crowley collaborating for the good of humanity, and (selfishly) for themselves, rather than angels and demons. For it to work, there needed to be an agent of the Ineffable Plan on each side.

We now know Crowley was fairly high ranking in heaven. Would he have had insight on the Plan, or some part of it? Or merely assumed, truly believed, as he still seems to, that they would all play a part? We also know he is somehow wrong about how the hierarchy of Heaven works - what if his error was in assuming his role in the Plan meant maintaining his status as an Angel? [EDIT GIVEN NEW INFO: seems plausible he went to God and asked for a stay of execution on the Earth, and he got it, whether knowingly or not.] And instead God sends him away to fulfill his role in Hell, when that comes to pass. It could be why he’s not too concerned with the day to day of demoning - it will all work out as intended, in the End.

Does he know, suspect, or just truly still believe that they were meant to thwart the Apocalypse, which is why he is so confident in their cockamamie scheme? And when that apparently fails, he feels betrayed by God again, because the Plan he felt entrusted with seems to have been scrapped. He rages: 

“For the record, great pustulant mangled bollocks to the Great Blasted Plan!”

That may be why he’s so ready to run off with Aziraphale in that moment. If the Plan is off, then he can finally make his own choices, and he chooses Aziraphale and freedom. Aziraphale doesn’t choose him back, and Crowley moves to run away anyway, with one final plea to God to not let this come to pass, a Psalm 22 of his own.

Crowley is the only demon we see who still seems distraught over his Fall, rather than out for vengeance. He resents God for damning him, but often seems to believe in Her ineffable game.  He still addresses his final pleas directly to the Almighty -

“God, you listening? Okay, I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn’t test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”

Only he never leaves, because of a fire started by a gust of wind and the sheet music for Her favorite musical. 

And then they do thwart it, and survive, thanks to Agnes’ note fluttering inexplicably right into Aziraphale’s hand. So many little details demonstrate divine intervention. 

So now what’s the Plan? Crowley was ready to run away when the Plan was off, but now? He muses on the nature of The Big One before they dine at the Ritz. He says it lightly, but how does he have this insight?

What, exactly, is their role in the Second Coming? Because, it appears, they do have one.

Aziraphale seems blissfully unaware of the divine intervention in successfully averting the Apocalypse. He is now All In on Their Side, finally feeling free. Crowley, on the other hand, seems painfully aware. My man had the full free will he finally grasped in that bandstand burned away in a bookshop fire. 

Do I think he necessarily knows their exact role in this? No. And they still have free will in the small things, naturally. But I wonder if we will see Crowley resigned to his (and Aziraphale’s) fate being predetermined, a foregone conclusion. So why do anything, including love, if in the end, nothing really matters. 

[justatalkingface]

I have to say, I've always been a fan of the idea of Kirishima being Izuku's best friend, rather than Bakugo's. I just think the two work off each other as the "extrovert trying to get his introverted friend to come out of his shell more" better than his and Bakugo's "I can fix him" one.

Plus, both have experience dealing with bullies and trying to defend the helpless from said bullies. Hell, Kirishima would commend Izuku for sticking it out all the way through, whereas he needed Mina's help with his. I really think Kirishima would be a great motivator for Izuku to get stronger and to voice his opinions more. If Izuku was having an especially bad day, I see Kirishima being the type to say,

"Hey man, don't put yourself down like that. You're one of the strongest, manliest guys I know. Even up there with All Might and Crimson Riot. Come on, lets head to the gym to get your mind off things. I'll spot ya."

Kirishima would provide so much positivity and motivation to improve, that I feel Izuku would only come out better with him as his main homie. Not to mention it would give Kirishima even more screentime, which I would love.

Though admittedly, my love of Kirishima is also why I hate that Hori paired him with Bakugo. My man deserves a better homie than that asshat.

...You know, when you look at Kirishima as, like, a character that someone put in a story, rather than as a person, there's something weird about him. You know what it is? Kirishima is basiclly Izuku. He's Izuku if he had a 'mediocre' Quirk; a bit of a coward at the start of his story, with self doubt, but he still genuinely wants to help people, and forces himself to grow and push farther when he decides to apply to UA. And when you strip to the bare bone themes like that, it's Izuku's story, without Bakugou and the Quirklessness there making his life miserable.

And, with that in mind, and that one comment Hori (apparently) made, that Izuku was supposed to be sad that Bakugou took Kirishima's hand... it feels like Kirishima was made, or at least given development, for Bakugou. Like, Kirishima and Bakugou is the friend dynamic of Bakugou with Izuku that so many people want them to have, what fanfic stories are written for, what people in story apparently (god knows why) seem to think they have, and when you look it that way it's... interesting. It's a very interesting choice to me.

Like, Hori apparently (I can't cite any of this Hori shit) regrets how far Bakugou went in the first chapter; it makes me wonder if, like, Kirishima is his wish fulfillment in that sense? Like, he's imagining a version of the manga where Bakugou came in with a lot less baggage, and that dynamic is him doing that sort of friendship without actually changing the story?

On the other hand, though, I'd have to be blind to that dynamic seems to exist to soften up Bakugou's image, to show that he's not all that bad, without really making him improve actively.

Regardless, no matter how you look at it, in a meta, 'why does this character exist' kind of way, Kirishima literally seems to be in the manga only for Bakugou's sake. I mean, his friendship (or 'friendship' maybe) with Bakugou, isn't helping him beyond giving him more screen time. And your right, it's a shame, because he and Izuku would get along really well.

Part of it, of course, is that they exist in a similar kind of positive wavelength, both being really wholesome people. Kirishima is really outgoing, and it seems natural that he would try to reach out to Izuku, who canonly is almost pathetically grateful for even the tiniest smidge of even vaguely positive interactions, especially at the start, much less someone just flat out being nice to him. Meanwhile, Izuku is naturally supportive, and would be great for Kirishima in turn, supporting him on his low confidence moments and encouraging him to be more confident about his Quirk and his own abilities.

Overall, it's a firm foundation for a good, wholesome friendship, one that would easily continue to continue on even when both of them eventually grow past their own doubts, and something that'd be nice to see, but by the time Kirishima got any characterization, he was already set up for Bakugou, and of course we could dilute that dynamic with him doing something else.

[mynameisnotthepoint]

Ossan no pantsu EP 5

Disclaimer: I had already watched this drama with subs that were mostly machine translated, so this is less of a first time reaction and more of an "i finally have the whole picture now". This will contain spoilers, so be warned!

As always: thank you to @isaksbestpillow for continuing to provide us with excellent subs to this drama!!

Quote

"That's how it is being a parent. You can't really think with confidence: 'I just handled this the best way.'" (Mihoko to Mika, translation by isaksbestpillow)

My very jumbled thoughts/extras

I am a bit behind with my posts about this series. Work and a cold caught up with me, but I will try to finish this.

Later episodes will deal with this more, but ultimately, older people are left behind by this rapidly changing system. My coworker's husband had to look for a new job at 62 after his bus driving company closed down. He spent months unemployed. Makoto here also knows that he doesn't have a lot to offer except grit and perseverance. You need them to survive a job, but these days you have to have many more qualifications to think about switching jobs. I also noticed that the coworkers call her Shimura-san!! Which also is something that will come back in a later episode.

I also love the fonts and color grading they used to show Makoto's entrance into the office - a contemporary suspense (?) font/music - and then the flashback scenes to when Makoto was starting out that feel very oldschool.

I think it is in this episode that Makoto realises he could be a burden to society. He is, in many ways: people bow down to his wiles (his wife) or ignore/avoid him (his subordinates, his children, even his dog). Throughout this series he comes to a bigger understanding of how respect should be mutual, and is also earned. --- INTERLUDE: Theme song and Daichi's actor Oppan's opening credits song アプデライフ (Updated life) is by the Jpop group FANTASTICS from EXILE TRIBE, of which Nakajima Sota, who plays Igarashi Daichi, is a member (he is a vocalist). This group has two members who have also played in BLs: Yagi Yusei (vocalist, from the My Beautiful Man-series) and Kimura Keito (dancer, from Ameiro Paradox). It is actually through FANTASTICS fans that I first learned about Oppan :) --- My heart aches for both Daichi and Madoka. You can see Daichi's face fall, a sadness creep into his eyes while Madoka tries to explain why he couldn't tell his parents he had a boyfriend. Meanwhile Madoka is just so scared to lose Daichi, so scared to be himself. And Daichi is the one who can muster up a smile, try to make everything seem OK. Madoka is so tall and yet, he always seems to make himself small, hunches over, ridden by guilt. The flashbacks of how they met and how they got to know each other are so well done (@twigtea and @bengiyo have written such good meta about it and the outing scene at the end!!).

Daichi's mom is such a wonderful person. She knows her son, knows when he is being chipper to hide that he is feeling sad. It shows the strength of their bond that he can show his anger with her, although it might be misplaced, as she was the one trying to help him. And Daichi knows, after raising his voice at her, he immediately deflates and apologizes. (my mom is so very similar to his mom. and i can also get angry at her or take her for granted, which i immediately feel sorry about).

BTW: Matsushita Yuki (who plays Igarashi Mihoko) plays Ida's mom in Kieta Hatsukoi AND Kurosawa's mother in the Cherry Magic movie!

I touched upon this briefly in a last post, but I love how they made Kakeru's hair truly look like it has grown out and he hasn't really cut it evenly. Although it does change quite a bit at the school scenes, which were probably filmed later. Through the series, Kakeru not only becomes comfortable wearing make-up outdoors, but also puts a lot of effort into his hairstyles.

I love Mika so much. Kakeru feels down and useless because he is unable to go to school again, and she encourages him to help her with the laundry. We later learn that she doesn't enjoy housework all that much, but in this moment she is happy to see him outside of his room and wants to spend time with him. He is also doing more housework just by helping out than Makoto ever seems to do...

The dynamics in this family are so developed!! Mika talks very differently to Moe, who seems to have the upper hand a lot in their conversations. But I really like how they genuinely seem to get along and want to spend time together. Them evaluating Makoto together if he can attend a barbecue with Madoka and Daichi and Daichi's mom was so funny. Also them preparing for the barbecue together and welcoming their guests together warmed my heart.

ME TOO. Also, this is one of my favourite Kakeru outfits. I truly love his style. Also, after meeting the girls who were nice to him, this meeting with Hasegawa shows Kakeru he can talk to people his age without feeling alienated. It takes repeated experiences liket this to get you to enjoy company again, but he smiles and is happy. (Now Makoto, we don't just assume our child is dating someone, he is literally just sitting next to him and talking - the face touching means nothing!! I do like that this makes the updating even more concrete for Makoto). The second time Hasegawa and Kakeru meet up starts a bit akward, but they talk to each other freely. Yet, Kakeru shuts down when Hasegawa starts talking about school and the baseball club. He'd still rather avoid the conversation and walk away than say what is on his mind. He is going outside, went outside to buy products for Hasegawa, but he isn't suddenly free of his worries and coping mechanisms.

Makoto buying books on queerness and acceptance is what makes Moe believe he has changed. And yet, reading up on things doesn't make you know how to react in real life. Makoto having his subordinates clap for him makes him overconfident, makes him think he knows everything. But, as @bengiyo pointed out, it is really important that he does his updating independently too, he shouldn't just wait for Daichi to explain everything to him.

The scene which hurts the most here is at the barbecue, when everyone has been having such a good time and even Kakeru is happy to watch them from his window. Makoto just says out loud what everyone has been avoiding all afternoon: he calls Madoka Daichi's boyfriend. It was just an unspoken rule that everyone at the party understood: Daichi and Madoka are there. What they are to each other is personal to them. Makoto wants to please, wants to show that he has updated, has such foot in mouth syndrome that he doesn't realise that rule. And Madoka very understandably freaks out. I must say, I have watched this episode three times now, and I have only been able to watch this scene without pausing or fast-forwarding once. It hurts.

What I did notice, in the aftermath, is that there are shots of the characters where Moe and Mika stand together in the foreground, then in another shot Daichi stands in the foreground while his mom is in the back, and Madoka and Makoto are both alone in their shot. I don't know if this was intentional, but it does illustrate how they feel about themselves in that moment in time. Moe and Mika are united in wanting to make this work, Daichi has his mom he can rely on, but both Madoka and Makoto feel alone and afraid in this moment.

An anecdote from when the show was airing: this episode was the one I saw people talk about the most before episodes 8 and 9 aired. It generally frustrated me to no end that people seemed to only focus on "the gays" and disregarded the rest of the story (Moe!! Kakeru!! Mika!! and even Makoto's development). Seeking out explicitly gay characters shouldn't make you disregard a story that is about queerness, about how women are treated, and so much more. It didn't help that a lot of fan translators were only focused on translating Sota's scenes, as they were fans of his group/him as an idol. It is so interesting to have an actual idol in a drama that has a whole story thread about being a fan of an idol group! (I am now just referencing later episodes...).

[quantumshade]

okay actually i rewatched potd the other day and. i have so many gripes with that episode. so many. but what really got me is how like. inconsequential 13's death feels, and not inconsequential in the right way.

honestly 13's regeneration feels a LOT like 10's, but missing all of the beats that made 10's work. let me explain:

(under a cut because HOLY SHIT this got long. don't let classicists write dr who meta)

both 10's and 13's regenerations are prophesied to them. ten gets the woman in planet of the dead, carmen, who says "he will knock four times." thirteen gets the Literal Incarnation Of Time telling her, "beware of the forces that mass against you. and their master."

both their regenerations happen after a short-ish period of time, at least for a time lord. 10 regenerates after only a handful of years, a decade at most, and 13 spends the majority of her life in prison for decades. that's nothing!! 11 and 12 both had centuries.

ten cheating regeneration with tentoo and then regenerating a few episodes later anyway 🤝 thirteen cheating regeneration after being forced into being the master and then back again and then dying almost immediately after anyway

they both almost make it out!! but they don't, and it's heartbreaking!

what's different between them, to me, is their reactions to their deaths. a lot of people who don't like rtd era/ten complain about the scene where he has a breakdown before saving wilf, complaining that he's being whiny or whatever, but in my mind, he has every right to be whiny and upset. regeneration is a death, as established earlier in the episode. it's hard, starting over again and again and again, becoming someone new, especially when he's only had this body for a couple of years AND he believes his next body is his last.

yknow why he's upset in that scene? because he could just walk away. he could just let wilf take the fall, let one, inconsequential old man die, and go off and have adventures forever. but it's not a choice for him. because he's the doctor, and the doctor would never, ever take the other choice. he was always going to save wilf. there's no world in which he didn't.

but he's scared of dying. he's scared of change. he's lost everyone he's ever loved in this body, often in horrible, unchangeable ways. and it's a sad story. but it's an incredibly narratively satisfying one, because it's a culmination of ten's entire arc. he lost his way, broke all his own rules, and was punished heavily for it, but in the end, he still does the right thing, because at their core, the doctor is a good person.

there's a running theme in just about pretty much all of doctor who from 1963 onwards that every single person is important and every life matters. 9 dies to save rose, but is also prepared to die permanently to save the human race. 10 dies to save wilf. 11, after centuries of running away from responsibilities and problems, settles down to protect one town on one planet, accepting he will die for good there. 12 dies to save a handful of people on a ship--"maybe not many, maybe not for long"--accepting all of this might be for nothing, but he does it because it's the right thing to do. because it's kind. the doctor does these things, lays down their lives one right after another because they are fundamentally a kind person.

13 lets people sacrifice themselves for her. multiple times. like. four different people she BARELY knows sacrifice themselves for her (i.e. the derry girls grandpa in "the timeless children" and the one pirate guy in "legend of the sea devils"). and she LETS them. i'm not saying this as a gripe against her, but rather, the writing that doesn't consider those lives important.

people sacrifice themselves for other doctors, of course, it happens all the time. to keep using ten as an example, river is one, and that prickish kid from the sontaran episodes, but he doesn't LET them. they don't give him that choice. and when he IS given that choice, to let someone "inconsequential" die in his place, he doesn't take it.

and then the way 13 does die just feels so... nothing. the master's angry at her, so he aims a large and slow moving Beam at her, and she basically stands there while it hits her. and that's it. honestly i would have been much happier with it if they said it was a product of the forced regeneration from earlier. that would have made a lot more sense. but the whole thing with the qorunx (is that what it's called??) just feels so... last minute. like they forgot that she needed to die at the end of the episode so they just shoved something in. it feels like an afterthought.

yaz's exit feels the same way. you're telling me she fought for four years in the past to get back to the doctor, and now she's just leaving because the doctor is regenerating? it feels like yaz and the doctor both had endings because the narrative said they needed endings, not because their character arcs had come to a satisfying close.

they deserved better. yaz deserved an exit that was fair to her as a character. the doctor deserved a death that mattered. and she deserved to be more upset about her death.

she gets a little bit, just a taste, of an emotional moment: "No. No. That's not right. I need more time. I want more time!", before immediately accepting her death and coming to terms with it. "And I have loved being me," she says. but me, as a viewer who cares about characterization and storytelling, asks, "have you?"

because 13 spent more time of this life IN PRISON than out of it. her life outside was never easy, either, she rarely got moments of true happiness. hell, in this regeneration, she found out her entire life was a lie!

...but she loved being her?

i think 13 should have gotten to be angry and upset that she wasn't given those moments of peace or happiness. she didn't get a lot of time being her, and the time she did get was fraught and difficult and painful. she should have gotten to be upset about not having more time for more than 0.2 seconds. she should have been allowed to be afraid of dying. or at least upset about dying.

i don't know. i don't know if this post is at all coherent but i'm just really disappointed in potd and my rewatch really cemented that. it didn't have the emotional resonance that i wish it did. it felt rushed, overstuffed, and, much like the rest of chibnall era, not well thought out.

[space-blue]

Hi, I'm not sure if you've talked about this before and it might be silly to ask this, but I'm curious about your opinion:

There was a scene that surprised me quite a bit in episode 6 when Vi escapes. Initially, Silco was sitting calmly, and then boom! Everything explodes. It's understandable, but it's strange because Silco has always reacted in a cautious and calm manner, except for one time in episode 3 when he was talking to Vander. After that, he has been someone who knows how to stay calm. I've seen people say that Silco's reaction is because he's a megalomaniac who doesn't like anything being out of his control, but I don't think that's the case. I think it's something more complex. I see Silco as someone who internalizes everything to maintain control or appears to have it, keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself. That's why you see Silco exhaling or releasing tension before and after meeting with his associates, but I might be wrong. Anyway, I'd like to know what you think is the reason for Silco's actions.

And I'm sorry if I made a mistake in my grammar, I don't speak English very well

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out and asking me this question... It sends me back to my Arcane meta days with a big smile on my face.

But honestly, I don't know who looks at Silco in that episode, having finished the story, and thinks he screams because he's megalomaniac. Not only does this not go with the rest of his character, it just fails to comprehend his character arc.

Silco doesn't want power. He wants freedom, and he wants his mission to realise itself. Silco has more of a religious fervour to him. He's a zealot. He speaks of the 'Nation of Zaun' with an air of rapture. He believes it, lives only for it. Just because we may not like his ways doesn't change that. I mean look at this guy :

#fully lost in the sauce

A character who really wants power would be Finn. We see him fallen to the trappings of wealth, plotting to uproot Silco from his position. Finn never shows any care for the cause. He only cares about supplanting Silco.

If Silco truly cared about power, then why is he still leaving down deep, on top of a night club? If he's a megalomaniac, why are his list of conditions for Jayce not covering him, but demanding amnesty for his people and equal access to the Gate for commerce?

No. Silco isn't a megalomaniac. He definitely wants to be in control, but that's hardly surprising for a leader. We also only ever know Silco at crazy important moments of his life, where his plans are running wildly or exploding in his face. It's not exactly every day Silco.

Most of the people we see him interacting with also tell us things : of course he needs to be ruthless and in control while facing Marcus. That man would lash out at the slightest show of weakness. Same with the other chembarons, who actively turn on him after the factory attack (that makes him look weak).

Silco isn't a control freak to be a jackass. He's like that because he's a Zaunite, and a Zaunite in a dangerous position of power. He's shaped by his environment too.

Anyway, why does he lose his cool in episode 6?

It's actually a very short answer! It's because of Jinx.

Jinx is his everything. Across my many meta posts I covered how codependent they are. How she physically abuses him, yet he never reaches out with any force towards her. The most violent he is, is after she nearly ruined his life plans and won't listen, and all he does is snatch a pen from her hand to make her pay attention.

They exchange caresses, rest against each other. He keeps her gifts on his official desk and actively uses them. And in the end, he can't accept her mortality, and sacrifices everything he's suffered and fought for his entire sad, fucking miserable life, because he loves her more than his cause.

So why does Silco lose it? Because Vi is alive, Vi is looking for Jinx, and Vi is the only person who could actively take Jinx away from him.

I mean like a day or two prior Jinx lost her shit and nearly killed Sevika because she saw a pink haired girl. Silco takes her to the pilt to try and soothe her and put her demons behind her, the only way he knows how. And then she happily gets to work! She's doing well!

But Silco isn't dumb. He knows Jinx is unstable and unpredictable. And finding Sevika hung like a ham from the ceiling? With a broken arm? Yeah, he knows she knows, and she's pissed... And he KNOWS that he just told her that VI IS DEAD. Which he 100% believed! Since when Sevika tell him about Vi being back he's like "From the dead???" in total horror and disbelief.

Marcus completely blindsided him, and it's a race against time now.

A race in which if Vi lives and finds Jinx... His Jinx, the only person he thinks he has... The girl he loves more than his cause, even if he hasn't fully realised it yet... Might hate him. She might decide to leave him.

Then he'd be alone again. And uhm... IDK if you all noticed but like... Silco isn't exactly a picture of clean mental health either. He's trauma ridden, set in very harsh ways, and has a solid spark of paranoia (which has kept him alive, but also isolated).

So the Silco screaming and spitting and kicking is a Silco who thinks that potentially everything will be fucked up now. He's stressed about the developing situation (the one where he asked his unstable daughter to basically make a nuke with stolen uranium, while juggling an increasingly strained sheriff and actively traitorous colleagues), AND the potential idea of his ONE person, his one broken, fucked up, twisted emotional bond, potentially being ripped from him.

Last time that happened, Vander was trying to drown him.

So he's just in a Bad Place™️

Cut the poor man some slack ahaha. I think it's normal that the mask finally cracks and reveals his emotions.

Silco isn't a cold character! His speech to Vander shows his zealotry and his passion! He has a dark humour too, and is aggressive and bitter when cornered. Silco wears a mask of cool professionalism when it's convenient, which is very often, as a leader in the undercity. But he also shows lots of emotions whenever suits.

I don't think you can be a cold character and stay riveted on your insane freedom fight for like 20+ years. He's got a big fire burning in there, and the scene in episode 6 is the proof of how hot it gets when he thinks he's about to lose it all. All your examples of him 'reining it in' are great too! He clearly has strong emotions. He just manages them a lot.

I hope this answers your question! AAaaaahhhh look at me, I just went and gushed, didn't I?

Thanks a lot Anon. And your English is better than some native speakers I know, so don't worry! <3

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Re: your post about JohnandPaul. If you do wish to share them, I'd love to know your headcanons about John and Paul's feelings for each other. ( I do get your discomfort about sharing though and yeah, I also miss the long discussions and metas from back when Get Back came out. It feels like, except you and some others, most of my favorite blogs have moved on from the fandom)

I've been sitting on this ask for several days now.

First of all I hear you, re:blogs moving on. It's understandable, but it's also sad when my brain does not want to give this stuff up any time soon lol.

In my post I talked about having specific headcanons about their feelings for each other, but the truth is, it's more like I imagine hundreds of very specific somewhat plausible scenarios, while not actually fully buying into any of them.

I always struggle with how sure people are of some definite timeline of McLennon because I just don't see how it's in any way clear: the most compelling evidence that at least John had Those Feelings™ for Paul is stuff he said after the fact (compiled with the stronger case for John being attracted to men in general) – so, if I choose to interpret his words in that way, I'm still not very close to knowing when he developed this attraction. Let alone concluding anything substantial about Paul's feelings.

(And no, I really don't find the two of them saying the other looked good when they met particularly compelling. Appearance plays a huge role in first impressions, regardless of attraction.)

So I guess, it's more that I have open questions I return to again and again, for which I try to construct hypothetical answers that make sense to me. Aside from that bigger timeline question, here's a few more specific ones:

From what I've gathered researching the topic, listening to psychonauts speak about their trips, the acid mindset very much romanticizes all forms of human connection (among other things). I think that's probably what was going on during those "I know."–"I know." sessions John and Paul had on LSD. With that in mind, how might that have mixed in with John trying to understand how he felt about Paul? Could it have confused him? Opened him up to the idea? "Appeased" him for a while? (and again, the answer here would depend on the timeline of feelings in the end)

I still lean towards "Paul is not meaningfully attracted to men" (or at least "Paul valued other aspects of his relationship with John much more than physical attraction") – with that in mind I do kind of ask myself what Paul thought his relationship with John was exactly. Like, I don't pretend it was a standard, run-of-the-mill friendship, so I wonder a lot what his end-goal was, how he saw both of them continuing into later stages of life. The way he talks about the breakup, equating John choosing Yoko with John leaving Paul, speaks to something somewhat true about most couples that marry – but why did he not anticipate that before? What was different? Also, for $20 don't copout with "hurr hurr cause Cyn didn't matter"

Paul's various takes on The John Question continue to puzzle me. On the one hand, it sort of seems to me like Paul would have had enough context clues at the time to get that John was attracted to men, because some of our evidence for it is evidence he would have had access to – he also indicated at least once that John was in fact kind of openly bicurious??? (note: that rant keeps me up at night. Could write a whole thesis on it and also it's so fucking funny) On the other, Paul is pretty insistent that the rumours are Not True and he's not actually the only person to shoot them down like that. (May Pang, Julia Baird, Tony Bramwell, Hunter Davies off the top of my head) It shouldn't be a stretch of the imagination that a man born in the 1940s might have trouble rearranging the image he's made of his dead best friend so drastically (or in a way that might feel drastic to him). So what is it? Is Paul obfuscating the question to protect John's reputation/because he thinks the curiosity is in poor taste or does he genuinely not buy into it? I'm not actually sure whether he's weighed in on this since Yoko's "John Was BI!!!!" reveal. Has this stance developed over the years? And if I assume Paul does know about John's sexuality: does he in fact think John had feelings for him? I do think this is a thing he would never talk about if he did so it feels like there would be no way of knowing either way. But it also makes me wonder about the barriers he might have set up in his head to avoid that very question – because the truth is that if John had Those Feelings™ for Paul and Paul never knew, that's sort of the second-worst case scenario from Paul's perspective, right after John having never liked him in the first place.

AND THEN THERE'S JOHN. Because just because Paul may not have picked up on it, doesn't mean John wasn't putting anything down. But he could also very much have been sending mixed signals from his own end, right? And again, acid mindset + mid 60s Free Love shit: in that culture, how much could John making advances be perhaps taken as Flowery Friendship? Did he justify it to himself that way? Or was John actually violently shoving all of that down? Was he truly capable of that?

It really never ends – I'm not certain of ANYTHING, but give me a proposal (ie. "In My Life is about Paul") and I'll talk myself into circles exploring the ins and outs of that hypothetical.