#10/10 would kill himself

[thelaurenshippen]

911 really is such a good reminder of the particularly kind of joy that is weekly, seasons-long shows with many episodes per season. every character gets a moment to shine even in a truncated season. the satisfaction of seeing characters grapple with stuff that happened YEARS ago. having multi-episode arcs and one-off arcs that are equally enjoyable. beach episodes (metaphorical). I know we're all saying this all the time but why can't more tv be like this

[cdroloisms]

c!dream, freaking the fuck out as the balance of the server continues to be put in peril and pulls them closer and closer to the end of the fucking world and not knowing why: 😱😵‍💫😭😨😱😱😵‍💫🫨 c!foolish, 4000 blocks away, jumping off a tower in a shower of green sparkles as he does a shift dance: 😎

[treasureplcnet]

btw i love revenge stories i dont think anyone should ever move on peacefully. a bit obsessed with the way weissman went to the synagogue and rabbi and asks, "my choices killed a child. would god take mercy on someone like me?" and the rabbi says "it's not god's mercy you should look for. its the child's" and like you think that would spur this man into charitable activities and to maybe look out for orphans but instead he goes on a 24 hour revenge bender that ultimately ends in two revenge killings and his own death. what's better than righteous anger and wrath and love twisting someone into the worst but also a truer version of themselves <3

[danmeichael]

Mo Ran is 13 years old. He is at this horrible dinner party with his not-horrible aunt and uncle, and his only-annoying cousin. People keep getting up on stage and being presented with awards, and he has to clap for all of them because it's polite. He isn't entirely sure what's being celebrated and he doesn't really care, either.

His suit is itchy, the food doesn't taste good, and he really wishes he were at home playing a video game and eating fast food slathered in chili oil.

It's too loud, and it reeks here. So many alphas trying to show off how big their dick is, and omegas trying to bolster their alpha's ego by proving what a prized mate they are. What they're expected to do. What Mo Ran will one day be expected to do.

Mo Ran wasn't paying attention to what was going on on stage until suddenly his uncle jostled him and started pointing excitedly at the next person getting an award.

Ah, being here made sense now. It was Chu Wanning. One of uncle's friends, and probably the prettiest person on earth second only to Mo Ran's late mother. He didn't know how anyone could be that pretty in real life. He's smart, and he puts too much sugar in his coffee when he thinks nobody's looking, and he's an Omega, too, just like Mo Ran.

He proves just how smart he is by immediately starting on a short lecture the moment the presenter hands him the microphone. Most of the people in the ballroom are completely silent, save for a few whispers.

Nobody seems to comprehend anything he's saying, which means they're particularly stupid because Mo Ran understands at least half of it.

When he finishes speaking and is presented with his award most of the room claps out of obligation. Xue Zhengyong and Xue Meng leap up into a standing ovation and start cheering. Even his aunt joins in, more quietly.

"That's my Yuheng! Woo!"

"LAOSHI IS THE BEST!"

"That's our boy!"

Even drowned in the bright white lights of the stage, Chu Wanning's reddening face is obvious. His expression stays mostly the same, but Mo Ran thinks he sees his eye twitch.

Everyone seems ecstatic until the alpha presenter lingers a little too long at Chu Wanning's side, talking to him.

There's an odd tension from his aunt and uncle, like a cup you filled up just past the top that stays in place only thanks to surface tension.

The tension breaks when the presenter puts a hand on the small of Chu Wanning's back.

Wang Chuqing is also an alpha, but she doesn't stink like the rest of them. Her smell is usually faint and clean and warm. Not right now. Despite the calm neutrality of her expression, her scent is angry and hot, scorching, so strong it's just shy of giving Mo Ran a headache

It only abates when Xue Zhengyong grasps her hand.

Mo Ran thinks that they share a heart, that Wang Chuqing's rage is her husband's as well, and vice versa. That's how he can tell how close she is to snapping, even though Xue Zhengyong is a beta.

The presenter smiles in a way Mo Ran is quite sure he thinks looks charming.

"Chu-xiansheng, you're doing incredible work in your field! Beautiful, intelligent, making a name for yourself. Any Alpha would be lucky to have an omega like you!"

Here we go again.

There is only a momentary pause as Chu Wanning takes the microphone from him without looking at him. Like he isn't worth it.

With the same burning cold neutrality he almost always affects, Chu Wanning says "Any Alpha would be lucky to be me."

Mo Ran is frozen even as his aunt and uncle start tidying their place settings, gathering their things in preparation to leave.

Any Alpha would be lucky to be me.

Mo Ran was not aware of the shackles around his ankles until Chu Wanning clicked a key in place to unlock them. He didn't know their weight until he realized he didn't have to carry them. They were turning him black and blue, how had nobody told him not wearing them was an option? That being the extension of someone was not compulsory?

He's only pulled out of what he might later call a religious awakening when Chu Wanning rushes past the table with bright red cheeks.

"We're leaving," he says, as close to frantic as Mo Ran has ever heard him.

Xue Zhengyong laughs triumphantly as he half-jogs behind him. "Way ahead of you, Wanning!"

Wang Chuqing makes sure he and Xue Meng are a few steps ahead of her before she joins the precession. "What do you say we stop for dinner on the way home?"

The discussion of dinner plans that follows is loud enough to drown out all the whispering, and Mo Ran's revelation renders anything he catches meaningless anyway.

[astrarche-x]

thinking about how we never have an actual flashback from the Ouyang clan execution and how that adds to the unreliability of Ouyang's narrative about his life and death. [sorry, long rant incoming bc i have feels]

Especially in regards to the scene when Ouyang is tasked with execution of Zhang Jr.: he thinks that he willingly chose to avenge his father and to bear the suffering of his fate when he was 10. But did he?

''He was giving him a chance for his death to have meaning. He should be grateful", he thinks in regard to Zhang Jr. So did he himself just stay alive for his death to have meaning? Or - what I suspect - did he just invent all this a posteriori to justify his will to live?

Apart from the fact that the scene with Ouyang killing Zhang Jr. is one of the most memorable in HWDTW for me for the layers that it has, it highlights one of the most fascinating facets of Ouyang: his will to live vs. his deathwish.

Obviously as his whole arc is about falling downhill, we as readers don't see much of the former, while the latter is in abundance especially in HWDTW. But nevertheless this tension is very much there.

As I said, we don't see - even through Ouyang's eyes - what went down that fateful day of the massacre; did he really beg for his life to avenge his family or just for the sake of it. But personally - I'm betting for the latter. Like, come on, he was 10 AND - more importantly - he DIDN'T know that Chaghan would have him castrated as he begged for mercy. He had no idea what the consequences would be. He might have thought about revenge; it's evident that even at 10 yo, the masculine ideals were already drilled into him. But he DIDN'T choose that with full awareness; it's something he told himself over the years to justify his will to live.

And I think this is the deepest root of his shame: that he so desperately wanted to live he could do anything. Him being an eunuch was shameful too, but not so much as the fact that he PREFERS it to being dead. This is what Chaghan calls him out on and this is why the scolding is such a turning point (something I didn't catch at first): Ouyang realizes that if he wants to live free of shame and justify his existence, he must have his revenge. But to do that - ironically - he must destroy himself.

The excuse he came up with over the years to make up for his will to live is that he is a tool of revenge; he is allowed to exist as long as he is this tool. Where the tragedy lies is that he never allowed himself to imagine that he could exist after his revenge is complete. Which is, I think, part of the reason why it took him so long to start plotting it: he wanted to live. He wanted to be with Esen. (The passage "He felt a surge of hatred towards the monk. [...] Without him, how much longer might Ouyang have had with Esen?" is one of the most heartbreaking in SWBTS imo). And I think that deep down he didn't even think his revenge was actually doable.

"[...] the monk had triggered the start of his journey towards his purpose. He couldn’t find it in himself to be grateful. It felt like a violation. A theft of something he hadn’t been ready to give up. Not innocence, exactly, but the limbo in which he could still fool himself that other futures were possible."

I think that these ''other futures'' were futures in which the opportunity for revenge never came; not so much as in ''his enemies were dead by other means'', but as in "Ouyang kept waiting but he just didn't get to meet the Khan" etc. And I think that in his mind, it would have been the best possible option - he could keep on living, waiting for the opportunity that somehow never came, but hey, his excuse of being a tool for revenge was still valid, right?? nobody could tell him that he didn't want it or forgot! he just didn't have the opportunity! oh, such bad luck, sorry not sorry. (And one day he would have died on the battlefield, possibly in Esen's arms, and it would be the best life he could have imagined).

But Zhu gives him the opportunity and he feels he must act on it, which means that his excuse for existing will soon be no longer valid, and it makes him so angry. I still don't get why he couldn't imagine a life after revenge; possibly because despite everything he LIKED this life - or, at least, liked it more than the alternative. Revenge meant destroying everything he enjoyed: his life as a general of the Yuan, and - more importantly - Esen. He probably didn't imagine a life for himself after revenge not only because he thought himself a tool to be discarded, but also because he didn't see in there anything worth living for. And this is when his deathwish comes in. It practically appears as soon as Esen is dead; and the rest is history, with Ouyang's ''I have to live because I must have my revenge and I sacrificed too much for it to walk away now!". But still, it strikes me how at the beginning of SWBTS he's clinging to life as he knows it despite it not being ideal, and how in HWDTW he is awaiting death eagerly.

And - circling back to Zhang Jr. - this is why Ouyang kills the boy: for Zhu it might have been tying up loose ends, but Ouyang at this point sees that staying alive wasn't worth it. He does what is better for the boy in his opinion; he even lets him die with honour, something he himself wants. He wishes he had chosen death all these years ago.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

overthinking it

[dreamertrilogys]

idk i just think drunk driving is one of the more selfish crimes one can commit. and some ppl need to be shown graphic images of car crashes to make them realize that sometimes

[archerofunspeakablelove]

Finished Russian Roulette. Feeling sick again

[thebeeshaveknees]

Robert Chase House MD really said "If I was that obese 10 year old girl I would kill myself" and then they continued on with the episode as if that was a completely normal thing to say and I am still thinking abt it

[tanjir0se]

Is the world ready for my Sanemi conspiracy theory? Should I include it in Love Me Mercilessly? Is it time for me to speak my truth?

[kariachi]

Any Tennyson with an Omnitrix: I am going to Help People! I must Hero! If I don't throw myself into danger at least four times a week I will Die!

Argit with an Omnitrix: Why am I doing this? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with people? I know better than to do this so why-? Okay, I'll help with the big stuff, but only against my better judgement!

[punmonster]

another good verdante song: "papa was a rodeo"

they both think that anyone who gets to know them winds up dead. if they ever realize that about each other, their hearts will beat faster knowing they could equally be eachothers end

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

scratches head. rereading toy mansion arc and genuinely, how on earth did ephael manage to kill all the children in the mansion in the original storyline.

1. the entrance to the boss room closes the instant the fight starts. there's a bit of conflicting info about when it opens again - toy mansion (ch 23) says that even the boss can't run once the fight has started (more specifically, while fighting is in progress). but dungeon 300 says that the boss can be careless and open the dungeon if they mistakenly believe that everyone has died. maybe the specific condition is that no one has to be in the state of fighting?? so the fight ends once tesilid & ephael give up, even if they're still alive? i believe that once rodrigo gets the chance to, he would've chosen to open the doors open the doors to watch ephael wreck havoc on the other children.

edit: just realised that the "boss fight" started the instant rodrigo first appears and that the whole mansion is the "boss room", nvm

2. tesilid would've beat ephael's ass for that. how did that go. was he running after ephael trying to stop him while ephael was like, opening cupboards checking for kids. is it even possible for ephael to find the kids, much less kill them, if tesilid is trying to stop him? tesilid is much, much stronger than ephael - he brought down the mole in an instant when ephael couldn't do so even with hestio's help. PLUS, if ephael was that determined, i think the only thing that would have effectively stopped him was death. did tesilid have to try to kill him? his own roommate? or did tesilid also give up and help ephael track down the other kids? i don't think tesilid would have - not just because it would go against his stigma commandments, but also because it goes against his own personal beliefs. did ephael knock him out first? or was ephael entering rooms and checking under beds while tesilid was also tracking him down? probably telling him that this was wrong and they should find some other way?

3. isn't the mansion supposed to be big as hell. did ephael really track down every single kid in the whole place to kill them. the round of hide and seek they played in canon (w the monsters as the seekers) is scary but even that isn't as deranged as this. that's messed up. that's messed up. how many children were still alive by then and how long did ephael take to track the last of them down. and if tesilid was trying to stop him, how long did ephael have to run. how long did he have to spend thinking about the blood on his hands and how he was soon planning to take his own life. like. can you imagine. ephael coaxes a child to come out of their hiding spot. he's a stigma bearer from the vatican, so he's safe, he says. the child looks up at him, clothed in white and covered in blood.

[pizzazz-party]

QUESTION inspector ishida is a little old man and it is very possible that the Tokugawa shogunate is less than ten years old present day. So we are only about ten years out of the constant warfare of the Sengoku period. What was Ishida doing during the Sengoku wars.

[ringneckedpheasant]

on the one hand I do not care about the bible at all but john darnielle was really describing me when he said “people… who, like I, am just totally irrationally obsessed with the goddamn bible, right? who like, have it somewhere in their blood, right? That you can’t—you don’t wanna be thinking about the bible because you put all that shit behind you, but at the same time, in your idle hours, you sit there going “oh yeah, the bible.”

anyway I am thinking about an interpretation of judas’ betrayal that I learned in bible class in hs and how I have never heard it from anyone but That bible teacher & it makes me so mad because it makes so much sense & makes judas so much more of a sympathetic figure And Yet basically no evangelicals believe it because they don’t care about learning historical context. why won’t they join me in hallucinating a shady grove where judas went to die.