#2013 was the year i began using tumblr and got out from

[bekkathyst]

Sometimes it really hits me how much has happened since I’ve been on this website and have had my little shop. Idk if it’s nostalgia or just procrastination of my current to-do list but I feel like writing out a little synopsis of what’s happened over the years lol. Also for any new followers, you can catch up haha

Also there will be some vague mentions of rough/traumatic circumstances, so just a warning!

I opened my first tumblr account when I was still in high school in like 2009 because all my friends were on here. I had like a fashion blog at one point, a recipe blog at another, but eventually I settled into my little witchy nature crystal niche where I felt the most at home.

In 2013 I was living in a horrible studio apartment in central Los Angeles with my now husband Antonio and we were living in poverty. He was being paid under the table below minimum wage and I was an unemployed high school dropout. I was struggling to find any kind of job and I also knew that it would be impossible for me to keep one because of how I am. (Which at the time I didn’t realize was the result of neurodivergence and a lot of trauma). I was just happy to be away from the abusive home I grew up in and I was really determined to make things work somehow, as impossible as it seemed. Eventually I decided I needed to just work for myself. A job wasn’t going to fix anything for me, and where I was wasn’t safe for me to be walking to and from a job anyway. I dealt with a lot of harassment every time I left my apartment so I pretty much became a hermit for the years I lived there.

One weekend with $10 from our grocery budget I went to a little shop that sold tumbled stones on the Redondo Beach pier and decided to buy a couple and some wire and make some pendants. I also had quite a few stones from my collection from childhood and I used those, too. And I opened my first Etsy shop! I honestly cringe when I look back at pictures of my work from this time, I’d really like to think I’ve come a long way lol.

It took several months to get a single sale and at least a year before I had any kind of consistency. For the next couple of years I worked on my little shop while Antonio went to work. In 2015 we decided that my shop was making just enough for us to work on it together and move somewhere else. So we ended up finding a mobile home for rent on some lady’s horse ranch in the mountains of unincorporated riverside county and we moved there.

We planned to stay for quite a while, but before even a year had passed, life drastically changed again. In early 2016 my little sisters came forward about the abuse they were facing and our father was arrested and a years long criminal court case began. Because my mother was undocumented and had spent the last 20 years pretty much just hiding at home, all their care fell on me. We took in my mom and my 3 sisters and had to move. We found another manufactured home in the same area and we all moved in together. I was truly not financially or emotionally prepared for this and it was extremely difficult. On top of that we were all very traumatized. I had not yet been open about the abuse I had faced because I wasn’t ready.

Amid that struggle is when my mom decided to start working with us as well! And she helped us grow our shop some more until we were a little more stable. Eventually we realized we had to find a bigger home and in 2017 I finally got to realize my goal of living in the big mountains and we found a lovely big house in Big Bear.

Actually during this time I have gaps in my memory so there are some things I start to mix up, but shortly after we moved I also decided to come forward about the abuse I faced which unfortunately further complicated the court case. We were looking at a trial date in 2018 which would eventually get pushed to 2019. But during 2018 my niece was born and I also ended up taking in one of my half brothers as well. So our household was now 9 people that were all surviving off of my shop’s income. Also during this time (I think it was actually 2017) we had been talking to one of our suppliers about taking over their wholesale warehouse near Los Angeles. It was presented as a huge business opportunity and I saw it as a chance to better things for us and hopefully ease the struggle. Taking this opportunity actually did the exact opposite. We were quite honestly deceived and ended up being straddled with a failing business. I lived 2017, 2018 and most of 2019 in a haze. Like I mentioned, I really don’t remember much and sometimes I see posts I made during that time and I’m really surprised by them. I think it was just the combination of extreme stress, burn out, sleep deprivation from trying to run 2 businesses and taking care of a massive household, and the trauma of having to recall all these repressed memories from my childhood.

But, somehow I survived. The plus side of coming forward about my abuse is that it gave me access to free therapy and I ended up finding the most incredible therapist that helped me start my healing and recovery from burnout.

Eventually in early 2019 our court case happened and we all testified in front of a jury, and our father was found guilty and is now serving a 300 year plus sentence. It took me the rest of that year to come out of the haze I’d been living in. After the court case, I decided to take the leap and open our brick and mortar shop in Big Bear. It was the thing I actually wanted to do with all my heart.

Then… 2020 came around. Covid hit and it was the final nail in the coffin for our warehouse business. We closed it and gave up. My other half sibling that was working at the warehouse ended up moving in with us as well and so did a friend of mine, so at this point our household was at 11 or so people and we were beginning a pandemic. I had also found out that I was pregnant.

Finding out I was pregnant caused the biggest flip of a switch in my brain. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was living anymore. I couldn’t keep burning myself out and over extending myself to people. I had to put up some kind of boundaries and create a healthier environment. With the help of my amazing therapist supporting me, I made this a reality. It’s also when I finally decided that as soon as we could, we’d be moving to Austria, the country my mother was from, where I had also lived as a young child. I knew I had to make life better, I knew I had to release all of this chaos.

In early 2021, still of course in the middle of a pandemic, our landlord said he wanted to sell our house so we needed to move out and he would not be renewing our lease. This was right when the housing shortage really started to hit our area. I had an infant daughter and all these people in my care and I was very scared. By some miracle we found a listing for a house in the high desert, about a half hour away from our brick and mortar shop and we went for it. We knew we had no other options. At this point most of my household went their own ways and found their footing. So me, Antonio, our infant daughter, my mom, my youngest sister, and my toddler niece all moved to this house in the desert. I knew that this was temporary and I told myself I would not be here for longer than a year. Once our year lease was up, we’d make it to Austria.

It was a lot of work and honestly I probably could have made some smarter choices now that I look back, but early 2022 we sold all our inventory from our brick and mortar shop to a wholesaler and closed it up. And then we moved!

And now here we are, a continent away from where we started. Much happier, much healthier. Now we’re not selling nearly on the scale as we were before, but I know that with time we’ll be back to the level we were at. And I really hope to open a brick and mortar store somewhere in Austria sometime soon.

It really amazes me that some of you have been here from the beginning. It feels like several lifetimes have passed, but it also feels like it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I’m really so thankful for the opportunity I had to grow and learn so much and heal. I feel like I’m a completely different person than the desperate girl who started an Etsy shop in 2013.

And… this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s still so much more that happened. When I first started seeing my therapist she encouraged me to write my story in a book, and it’s definitely something that I plan to do one day. I don’t think a younger version of myself would believe everything we survived. 🙏💜

[panchambro]

An In-Depth Story of my Pancham OC and a Major Rebrand

It has been 5 years since I first adopted my Pancham OC, and while he has changed over the years, he still represents me. Because, well, he is me.

To honor this occasion, I have drawn a new version of me as summer draws to a close. This is also a blog post explaining the history of my OC, so keep reading if ya will :P

You may have remember my Tumblr post explaining my 10 year history on the internet, and my history with different aliases over the years. That also reflected with how I chose to represent myself.

Not long after I joined on February 17, 2013, I chose to based my identity around the Koopa Bros., for a reason. The group grabbed my attention in their appearance in Super Mario Bros. Z, a flash animation by Mark Haynes that crossed Mario and Sonic characters with elements from Dragon Ball Z.

From their first appearance in Episode 4 to their um...untimely death in Episode 6, I was so rooted for the Koopa Bros. in the flash animations that I didn't realize they were originally from Paper Mario. Once I found out presumably on Super Mario Wiki, well I got into the Paper Mario series of games. They were a no-brainer as the characters I chose to represent myself...except...well...

So let me try to explain this green monstrosities. I chose the name "The Zombie Bros." because...um...I made the Koopa Bros. zombies...for reasons. It's merely swapping the yellow and white in their sprite for green, as I wasn't invested in doing art back in the day.

After this I stayed out of making any more OCs that represented me, either using an existing character (e.g. Pinkie Pie, the Koopa Bros., and later Sans) or just using letters (as seen below).

There was a My Little Pony OC that I did make...but unless you knew me as Creeperfan, you knew that I never got around into implementing him at all.

Like while I made this design myself and publicize him actually, I never used him much, I stuck with using Spike as my main representation throughout my time as a brony.

By 2017 though, I was starting to take drawing as a hobby, but for the most part the OCs during that year that represented me was any version of Sans, whether that be from a AU or not. One Sans version that I used to represent me was this take of Sans with Cappy on his head, which I did twice in that same year.

But while I did enjoy Cappy!Sans, they didn't stick as long as possible. But into August 2018, I had gotten off being represented as Tough Bippy and was into being Chespin. I was looking up Chespin related stuff on the internet, and came across Pancham.

To be more specific, it was Serena's Pancham, but regardless of what Pancham it was, this character got me really invested, and all the love I took with Chespin, from instances in Smash Bros...well...I dropped it all in favor of Pancham. The two were rivals in the anime anyways, so...I guess I skewed the results heheh...

And it couldn't have come at a perfect time, because I wanted to do a OC of Pancham. And I did! Red glasses and all! On August 27, 2018, exactly 5 years ago, I made a Pancham OC and slowly embraced him as my own.

From that point forwards, Pancham (later renamed PanchamBro) become the embodiment of me as a whole. In spite of a break during 2019 when I became Scorbunny/Raboot/Cinderace, I still somewhat represented myself as a Pancham, and Pancham (the Pokémon) remains one of my favorite Pokémon out there.

The Pokémon's namesake would inspire me to brand myself as "PanchamBro" on January 11, 2020, which then became the name of my Pancham OC...and in retrospect to me in regards to my internet identity.

Of course, with time my design has changed. I used to see myself with red glasses until December 2020. Then I began to swear clothing, just slightly.

My green sweater was drawn out of necessity for a New Year's Day art that depicts a funny in there, but now it's my default outfit.

My summer outfit consist of a white shirt and green shorts, and just this year I introduced a scarf, one that bore the Gay MLM Pride Flag colors.

A hole in the leaf was added just around the end of 2022, being a symbol for my Nookipedia presence.

And on my sweater itself, I added a badge with the Gay MLM Pride Flag, as I was proud to be gay, albeit in secret, but proud. I'm happy for the changes that I've made to my sona.

In celebration of my sona becoming 5 years old, I decided to do a major rebrand. If you haven't noticed, I've been slowly adopting a unified color base for all the accounts I have, whether that be on Twitter or YouTube.

This is what I've come up with.

These are five major colors to which they shall be used to represent me in appropriate conditions. Ideally they should be shown against a dot pattern backdrop and a gradient, but how this gradient looks varies.

You can actually see this already set in motion (except for Red, but we won't talk about that for now).

On Twitter, the banners for PanchamBro and CinderaceBro show this color preset in motion.

And on YouTube, you can see my sona being depicted differently with the color choice also reflecting this change.

Now what I hope from now is that my presence can at least have a sense of unity, if only to make sure people know what I am and what I do for a living. I've been planning this for a while now, but only got off the ground last week.

These past 5 years have given me a chance to grow my OC, and I can't thank everyone for giving me their spirit and inspiration to make my OC a somewhat bashful little fuck. Here's hoping in 5 more years, I start to grow a beard.

[rosesandalfazemas]

4, 6, 22 and 23?

Hi my dear! thanks for asking!

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

This is from an unpublished fic. EngPort having a strong fight. I like it because I love to expand their true power as elders; their argues are not just a fight, they alterate reality.

«...» Portugal got up, banging the table. The vibrations of his voice made the pictures on the wall tremble, and just as the roses thickened the air, the lavender hit the blonde's cheeks, directly making the air so dense and unbreathable that it would be poisonous for a mortal. It was even purplish and reddish in color, like the mist outside, but locked in the windows.

Their brows furrowed and their teeth locked together, tense as steel rods. On the outside it seemed that they would fight each other, but they were far from that: They were already facing each other between the layers that they were unfolding, passing them from one reality to the other; crashing without thinking, without control. The walls began to vibrate. «...»

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

Francis, my gosh, he is the best uncle; wise, romantic, sexy and dramatic. But he can also to laugh of himself and the situation.

Also Alfred, when I'm in a good mood to not blame him for everything he did to LATAM.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

YES! A lot, it's a kind of mental massage. Especially the ones I did in the last two years, I'm very proud of them. Some are published and some don't (you will se the reason in the last question above). They are only for my own pleasure and my friends who know my whole headcanons.

From time to time I re-read the roleplayings too, because I use to edit them and keep them with me. They're the greatest ideas I had with someone, and that's very inspiring for new works (from the past and in the present, with @greengreekeyes25) .

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

It's still there, from 2013 but I don't have the energy to develop such a complicated idea.

In my headcanon I belived before Tans there was a one unique tan, Pangea. Pangea dissolved and then the regions began, then the kingdoms ad the tribes, then the states and then the countries. But she was the First One. So my idea was creating a end of the world, in which Pangea wakes up and wants to devour everything back to her, to give a full wipe out and to start again (like a Titan, I would say). Countries try to stop her but they're defeated one by one and reabsorved to her body, as one entity. The difference would be with a group of few humans, blessed, transformed and raised by nations, whom can make the difference and to stop this in a spiritual way. If you want to picture it, imagine something like Arjuna or Wolf's Rain.

I've done hits about this idea with Latinamerican Ancestors, the ask about them (my older tumblr blog) and lots of ropeplaying hours with my ex, for years. But I dunno, I've told this idea to some friends (@greengreekeyes25 was convinced to go into the fandom thanks to my enthusiasm on telling them this); and it's too long, complicated and hard to put on paper. So I think I will die with it. But it's a source of many things I work too!

[starblaster]

i’m getting so emotional right now over all the new things being posted in the electric dreams tag 🥺😭 🤧

in 2011, i watched electric dreams for the first time. i was on deviantart and tumblr a lot back then and i used to cherish the small handful of fanworks posted online, anything i could get my hands on. but sometime in 2013, my interest in electric dreams (and plenty of my other interests) dwindled as my last years of high school began demanding more from me. then i entered university in 2015 and just plain got swept up in all the work i had to do, for school and survival.

when i graduated in 2020, i was finally able to rewatch a lot of comfort media in addition to all the stuff on my list of titles i missed out on). i only just got around to rewatching electric dreams in 2021, and ever since the start of 2022, i’ve been getting friends to watch it here and there... but when i tried to find all of that art i remembered being on deviantart and tumblr way back in 2011, i couldn’t find a single piece. i scoured the web using the wayback machine only to turn up nothing. and it bummed me out. i was so heartbroken. i know things don’t last forever, even on the internet, but it was like... i lost a part of what shaped me as a young writer, even if it was a small part.

but in the past few months alone i’ve been so blown away by the art in the electric dreams tag and so moved i could cry. like, electric dreams isn’t my ~favorite movie of all time~ or anything, it’s really not. but something about seeing more people get into it and making fan content for it makes me feel something indescribable. the fanart i’ve seen is so inventive and inspiring. i get a little weepy every time there’s a new post about electric dreams in the tag.

and there’s no way i’m letting any of this amazing work get lost to time again! so i hope people are okay with me preserving them on the internet archive 🥲

[megamanxfanfics]

It’s done......

I can’t believe that it’s finally over.

I’ve been writing MMX Fanfics for 11 Years!!

This Project saw it’s birth in the MMX9.com Community in 2011 and shifted to Tumblr in 2013 once that site went down.  It survived the roller-coaster ride of collaborators joining and leaving with varied levels of interest and personal drama until I found myself riding Solo once again in 2014.  This Blog was my 3rd and Final attempt at Revamping the Project in 2015 and not only did I catch up, but I saw it through to an absolute End.

I am so proud of myself for finishing what I started.

I’m going to miss X & Zero a lot. I’ve enjoyed creating all of my OCs; whether gathered from background characters in any of the games or coming completely from my own head.

Actualizing the events of each game has been an absolute pleasure. It’s made me understand and appreciate the lore way more, that's for sure. And I love the games all the more for it.

I’m sure I’ll write more entries in the future, but this one is just meant to be a quick celebration for everything I’ve accomplished.  And to maybe explain why I bothered with all of this in the first place.

...Because it’s Mega Man X!  It’s awesome!!!

No, but really... the quickest explanation is - MMX caught me by surprise as an 8 year old kid, when it came out.  I’d played most of the Megaman games growing up and had a high appreciation for the format, but this was something different.  This was special, brutal, dark and mature!

And with it, I matured more.

X2 wasn’t as well received for me.  We rented it, but I wasn’t good.  I never beat more than a few Mavericks.  My brother might’ve made it to the X-Hunter Fortress, but we certainly never beat it.

X3...?  Forget it.  We couldn’t beat 1 boss...

But in 1997, X4 dropped and I OWNED that shit.  Not literally, I rented it. Every weekend.  But I just kept at it with X & Zero and easily got to Sigma on the Save File within the first weekend of having it.  The rest of our times renting it, it was all about trying to beat it.  ...maybe I did it with Zero as a kid, but I can’t be sure.

Then... I just dropped off.  I was under a rock for X5 & X6.

The only way I knew about X7 was because my best friend’s little brother had a copy of it in his basement.  But I never bothered with it.

Never knew about X8 when it was current...

But then, in 2006, the 1st MMX Collection came out!  And Holy Fuck was it a Reunion!  More like a Nostalgia-filled Revolution!! And THIS was where I became a Fanatic.  From this point forward, I just couldn’t stop playing the games.

Replaying X1 was a pure Nostalgia Ride. Beating X2 for the first time was wonderful.  I knew of the ending, but seeing it live was great. Beating X3 for the first time was such an accomplishment. X4 was another beautiful Nostalgia Ride.  Truly beating it with both X & Zero was fantastic.

I couldn’t wait to learn of X5 and X6, but... they were so disappointing. X4, part 2 and 3 they were not.

I learned to get over it in future playthroughs.  I got used to the cast, and respected X5 for being the Grand Culmination of everything Inafune had set up.

I began to appreciate X6 for being a true Epilogue Tale, despite all it’s rushed flaws in development and localization.

Getting a hold of good copies of the current PS2′s X7 & X8 were very difficult.  But I made it happen.

All I have to say is that I was so glad I didn’t play X7 in 2003, when I noticed it in my best friend’s basement.  I would’ve given up on the franchise altogether. Instead... I took the awkward 3D phase in stride, knowing that hopefully X8 is a significant improvement.  Axl was alright..  The story was... meeh.  But I did like that we were now thrust into the far future, after a long period of peace and rebuilding.

And X8, when I finally got a hold of that?  Beautiful.  Wonderous.  Worth it. But FUCK is that Cliffhanger annoying.

...and That is exactly why I stopped at X6.

Despite the last 2 games being good in their own right, they don’t have a proper ending.  While the first 6 games, when playing them over and over and over again, the story just made more and more sense, connecting the dots.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  I couldn’t stop playing the games.  It was getting bad.  I was also watching a Hell of a lot of anime at the time.

Until one marked day in April of 2011, I asked the X9 Community if they would ever want to see an MMX Anime.  And if so, what would it be like?

This was a HOT topic.  So many people chimed in.

And before long, it inspired me to work on an Anime Episodic Format of the MMX Series.

Fuckin Herculian Task that was..!  But I loved it, every step of the way.

It helped me channel this obsession and fanaticism for the series.  It brought back my writing creativity that I’d been missing.  And it got me to calm down about the series over time.

Retelling is no easy task.  And I’m sure I’ve made some missteps along the way. But I really loved working on this the whole time and dishing it out to you, week after week, month after month, year after year...

Lore-wise, I eventually knew that everything I had set up would end at X6.

There’s the tiniest strand of Red being around to set up Red Alert in X7, but... he barely cameod in X4.  And again, X8 is a Cliffhanger.

To write an X9... would be a True Fanfic in every sense of the Word.  And not only has it been done hundreds of times before within the community, [probably better than I could] but... I’m just not interested in that part of the timeline as much.

Writing the Series out made me realize, my most favorite parts of the franchise are probably X1-X4.  It’s what I knew the best.

X5 had disappointing presentation, but otherwise the story was solid. Realizing that most of my beloved OC’s would die was pretty epic and insane in it’s own right.  Putting my own spin on Dynamo was a lot of fun. (I never really liked him.  Not gonna lie.)

X6 is a fucking Nightmare..!  Pun Intended, I suppose.  But, it was always my End Goal.  I really wanted to get to the Dystopian Landscape and write a broody, dark world that’s struggling to survive.

...only, once I got there...  I found it to be really... boring.

I’d hate to say it, but every time X had to lay down and recover, it got tougher and tougher to keep it fresh. Especially since I didn’t want to get caught up in the filler of building up new OC’s and potential Red Shirts.

I think I handled it well though.

Before long, the Original Spark ignited, and I had a set of new OC’s with distinct personalities as a backing crew for X & Family.

And here’s the most poetic thing.

In the big picture, I was inspired by Berserk.  Guts & Griffith being the closest of friends, but clashing into a Hellish Rivalry wrought with betrayal.

I knew I wanted to tackle some sort of theme like that, and ultimately tell the story that... Friendship Prevails.

But like Berserk, not only did I portray that theme, but also the Berserk 2016/2017 theme of New Beginnings.  Without intending to ride on it’s coattails, there’s definitely a parallel of X finding trust and love in new teammates while Guts did the same.

But enough of the comparisons...

I could go on and on, and I’m sure I will again from time to time.

But for now, I’m really proud to have brought this to you.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed Any of the Seasons, let alone X6.

There will Not be a Season VII for the main reason stated above - it leads to a Cliffhanger.  But also, that game is just awful...! Not to mention, with everything I’ve set up w/ the Guardians, it’d be very hard to write them in or out.

Speaking of which...  there will Not be an MMZ Anime, so please. Don’t even think about it. If the Epilogue isn’t telling enough, I start to get very shaky when we get into the far-flung in-between Lore of the MMX & MMZ series.

I just can’t do it guys.  I don’t get it. I’m not invested enough.

I played through all the MMZ games, and they’re cool.  They have my respect.  But certainly not the love that I have for the X Series.

I’d be churning out an awful product and it’d be chorish at best.

Lore-wise, what happens next is really cool and intriguing though. I definitely enjoy hearing all about what happens in “The Gap” as I like to call it.  But at some point I get lost and I really can’t follow it.

A replay of the MMZ Series is probably due in the future. We’ll see how long that lasts... lol.

Anyway, that’s enough from me, for now.

A True Analysis of the 3rd Arc will follow soon.

[astorinx-writes]

I’ve Written A Lot of Fan Fiction… And I’m Here To Talk About Them

Something I’ve found out about myself over the years, is that I’m quite the jack of all trades. From design, to video making— I feel like I’ve done it all! But one thing is for sure: no matter what, writing is something I can always fall back on. For as long as I can remember, regardless of what I was primarily interested in, I always had writing in the background as a sort of unbeknownst craft, lurking and waiting for its opportunity to shine. So, is it really a surprise then that I’ve been writing fan fiction for pretty much as long as I’ve been an Astro Boy fan? Personally, I’d say no. But regardless— I thought today we would take a look into my fan fiction writing history. See what I wrote in the past, what’s available to read now, what you may be able to read in the future, and what might never see the light of day.

As usual, I gotta hit you with a disclaimer. For those that don’t know, I do have a bit of a spotty memory, so this may not be as all encompassing as it could be. Also, a lot of the works I wrote were when I was a minor. Though, this doesn’t absolve me from having written anything unsavory. I take full responsibility, and I do try my best as an adult now to put my best foot forward. I have a duty to do right by the community and not be a weirdo posting offensive and/or inappropriate stuff.

It’s All In The Past Now

To start, let’s discuss the fan fictions that I have written, but are no longer accessible (for the most part). I’d like to consider these fics gone with the wind, so to speak, and I have no intention of rebooting them in any fashion. These fics are basically dead, and expected to stay that way.

Vivid Insomnia

Probably my biggest undertaking, and what might’ve been my crowned jewel if I was still delusional and thought it was great. Vivid Insomnia was actually not (for the most part) done by me alone. Sure, it did originally start around 2012-2013 with me writing the (technically) first story, “Zoran vs. Uran”, but Vivid Insomnia would’ve not been what it was if it weren’t for the collaborative efforts of both me and my (now) partner. I think what made VI so special to me was how it really felt like an alternative universe, despite not being one at all. Also, the plethora of original characters! There was so much to chew over and get lost in, even though looking back, there were so many plot holes, it was astounding! The quality of said fics also left a lot to be desired. Certainly when I was younger, I was practically parading this series around like it was an MLM sales pitch, but nowadays, my motto is usually “Don’t read it. You don’t hate yourself that much, I promise.”

But what was Vivid Insomnia? Well, to be honest… neither of us really knew.

I mean, in technical terms, it was a fan fic series (something akin to a novel series). But in terms of actual overarching plot, it was quite unclear. When we made the (now deleted) Tumblr blog for the series, we billed it as a series revolving “Astro’s road to recovery” and when I began the rewriting process with “Zoran”, I did make it a point to focus a bit on Astro’s mental struggles. However, where it gets lost, is in its obvious attempt at being slice of life. It’s hard to say what exactly a series is when you have a million things going on at once.

First you got O’shay being a total ass, then you have Astro being mentally ill, and then he gets a girlfriend, and then his girlfriend starts going through shit because she has an abusive mom. Then Astro gets cloned, then the robot Tenma made and shipped off to O’shay out of jealousy decides to [REDACTED] herself, so now Astro hates his clone because it was supposed to be him not her that got dismantled once the experiment was over.

Honestly, trying to explain the plot of VI to literally anyone would be so difficult and convoluted, you’d have no choice but to think it was totally batshit wild. Not to mention the OC plot lines; you have Quinn who already has quite the story line going back as far as when Tenma worked at The Ministry, then there’s Stephen and his… interesting mom. We already talked about Astro’s GF Brianna, but she’s quite the basket-case. Oh, and the self inserts! The self inserts!!!

So, why did it go away? Well, it wasn’t just because it was bad. In fact, I even had plans to rewrite the whole thing and improve it! But the issue lies in the fact that I don’t think there was much I could’ve done, knowing what I know now, to improve upon it in a relevant time frame. You see, not only was the series plagued by so much convolution, but it was also… a bit problematic.

For starters, the amount of toilet and adult humor had no business existing there in the first place. Maybe I did find it funny back then, but I think now as an adult all I can do is cringe and seriously wonder why no one thought to pull me aside and tell me to knock it off. Of course, I can’t go back and change what I did, time travel isn’t a thing. But what I can do, is own up to what I did and make a commitment to be vastly cleaner with my jokes.

I think through looking back at VI, I’ve become a lot more stringent with what I write and consume. And sure, some may say I’ve become a bit prudish as a result, but I think I owe it to myself, and the audience I have to, as I mentioned earlier, not be a weirdo.

Secondly, I think the psychology knowledge and better understanding of mental health that I have now makes what I had written before leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. You see, when I wrote VI, I had practically no knowledge of mental health— I wasn’t even fully sure of what I had going on personally. So, I suppose it’s congruent for me to have written something a bit on the fearmongering/distasteful side. But again, I’m not absolved of the repercussions of my actions, nor of the responsibility to apologize for it. To the mental health community, therapy is not a sin or something to fear, and I’m profoundly sorry that I portrayed it as such. Especially given the audience I had while VI was in the works, it was erroneous and borderline malicious, and for that, again, I am sorry. As I’ve learned so much more, I know now that my works shouldn’t demonize the tools we have at our disposal.

That wasn’t the only reason it went away, however. Apart from the harsh truth that it probably wouldn’t have been till I was 30 that the series would’ve been finished, I realized midway through working on my secret project, that if I wanted to write about the “general” premise of what VI “supposedly” was about, I’d have to start completely from the ground up. Now, I don’t want to get too deep into this point because I want to save it for when I mention my “secret project,” so all you need to know is that I found something better, and I’m willing to make peace with VI as a result.

The Love Trilogy

Picture this: it’s 2016, you just left Google+ for Tumblr because you thought being able to customize the way your desktop blog looked was cool, and you find out there’s an actual community dedicated to this show you like! In true Sage fashion, my initial thought was, “I gotta let these people know I write fan fiction!” But I wasn’t just going to make an AD post about Vivid Insomnia, I had to make something original! So, I did, in the form of Painting With.

Painting With (yes, named after the Animal Collective album of the same name), for those who don’t know, was a (very) short one-shot about Astro and Reno. Basically (if I remember correctly), Reno gets asked by The Ministry to either paint a mural, or put up a billboard, something like that, and brings Astro along for the ride. Now before Painting With, I was of course a big Astro x (my OC) Brianna shipper, naturally because of VI. But during this time, despite me not remembering much, I do know this is when I started to shift and practically became an Astro x Reno (AKA “Retro”) shipper overnight. Painting With was basically my first foray into writing Retro fan fics, and if you know me in any capacity now, you know it would not be my last.

So Painting With gets good feedback! And so, I decided to come back with another fic, Escape The Dinner Party. Not intended to be a sequel, but after I wrote the next fic, Dream Sequence, it was pretty apparent at that point that I was onto something.

In comes The Love Trilogy, a name I gave the series of fan fics I had written so far, and would continue to write for quite some time. Basically, the entire plot surrounded Astro and Reno deciding to leave, fearing oppression. Now, what it actually ended up being was more like “Reno takes a 2-week vacation from work and Astro tags along,” despite it originally being billed as a runaway fic. TLT I’d say was a (small) step-up from VI quality wise, but it was definitely plagued by being dialogue heavy, to the point where there was certainly more being said, then there was being done. In my defense, I hadn’t read a single book in forever, so knowing how to structure a paragraph was not my forte, but at least it didn’t have original characters up the wazoo or jokes better suited for something like “Rick and Morty”.

Where it did fall short, however, is in its portrayal of O’shay. I’ll admit it: I hadn’t seen the 2003 series in quite some time, and I think it did play a role in how I thought O’shay was character wise. So, no, making him essentially a baddie in both VI and TLT was not “accidental” technically speaking, but obviously now I know he’s not a raging queerphobe and total ass with no regard towards his kid's mental health because he thinks it’ll make him look bad.

There’s also something to be said about writing something queer and making it trauma based. I think now when I look back, I can see where my past self was coming from, but I could’ve honestly done without the trauma plot and maybe have made it a bit… cuter, I suppose? I mean, they’re going on vacation! There was so much I could’ve done with that, and the whole “dream sequence” thing that happened too could’ve been the dash of spice I needed to add angst to the series! But I digress…

After writing arc 1 (it’s hard to explain, but basically, I wrote 10 fics and lumped them together like TV episodes in a season) I went on to write arc 2. That one was arguably much slower in terms of release, but it at least didn’t deal so much with O’shay. Instead, Astro gets some unexplained bug that Reno has to fix. It reminds me a bit of “Astro Reborn” from the 03 series, except (spoiler alert) Reno doesn’t take Astro to Tenma, and manages to fix it on his own. I did plan to work on arc 3, a prequel arc meant to explain how Astro and Reno started dating in the first place, but at that point I was bored with the series, and I needed a change of pace. So with that, and another reason I’ll get into later, the series got the ax.

No matter what, though, TLT will always hold a special place in my heart. Not so much because of the material itself, but the way it broke down barriers for me. You see, at the time, I wasn’t working on anything else but VI with my partner, and it was starting to get to the point where I was afraid of working on anything solo. What if I wouldn’t finish it? What if it didn’t come out as great? So many questions, it really got in the way of me being able to write. Now, I unfortunately am not a “words” person (let it be known I’d be in a much better place if all it took was for me to hear the right words or work through my issues logically), it takes experience for things to actually click and internalize.

So TLT was just that! It was an experience that significantly boosted my confidence in being able to write solo. But most importantly, it made me give less of a shit! Nowadays, I just see writing stuff like fan fictions as just… something. If I go weeks without a fan fic update, or never finish a certain fic, who cares! It’s this sort of “fuck it” attitude that’s been honestly quite freeing. In fact, I kind of now find my old mentality/opinion to be a little silly, but I do understand where past Sage was coming from.

A Gift Wrapped Present… For The Present!

Now, we’ve gone over what once was, but what about the now? What’s fully out there and available for you to sink your teeth into? Whether these fics are finished or not doesn’t determine its status being a part of this section. If you can read it on fanfiction (dot) net or ao3, then it’ll be here.

Tales From The Laboratory

After working on The Love Trilogy for so long, I was starting to get a little bored with it. For starters, I was coming to realize my portrayal of O’shay was flawed in more ways than one. And I also just wanted a fresh start, no more worrying about fanon rules set up in the series that I had to follow, also no more fics where the plot boiled down to Retro in their lab together just shooting the shit and getting sappy. It was okay once, but it gets boring rather quickly. So, because of this (and the other reasons I mentioned earlier) I gave TLT the ax, and went on a sort of hiatus as far as writing Retro fics goes. Eventually, though, I wanted to get back into it, but again not in the TLT universe, or even for TLT. So, I decided to start something new!

Tales From The Laboratory, as the name implies, is essentially a collection of one-shots (fandom speak for “short story”). Every story is about Retro, and even for the most part, has Astro and Reno as the sole characters in the fic. For the most part, they don’t intersect or belong to a linear plot line (except for Going Further Away, which we will talk about soon), and some may or may not be AUs.

Technically, this series is ongoing, but I can stop it at any time since again there’s no main plot to be had, so there’s nothing really to be resolved. What has been cancelled, however, is Going Further Away. This was sort of a “series within a series” if you will, with installments that were meant to be peppered into the “normal” one-shots being posted. Sort of like a “oh, let’s check back in on what they’re doing!” scenario. Why it’s being pulled is pretty much similar to why TLT is done. I just don’t think the series is necessary, and to be quite honest, it reads more like a fic I’d write just for myself and have for keeps. The plot is basically similar to TLT, so there’s the “queer trauma” element as well, and it just overall doesn’t pique my interest as something I’d be publicly posting about.

Other than that, though, TFTL is still growing strong, and I actually just posted a new fic, Is It True (yes, named after the Tame Impala song). My next one, Dancing With You (named after the Jane Inc song) is slated to come soon, and will hopefully be the start of a sort of miniseries where I write fics based off songs in Retro’s Spotify playlist.

Buzzcut Season

I guess this is technically named after the song by Lorde, but I wouldn’t say it was intentional (unlike the ones in the past that were intentional). My idea was simple: each “fic” (or rather one-shot if I’m being honest) would surround a character with something they need to overcome. Originally, I intended to write more after just the 3 chapters that are up, but after stewing on it and losing interest, I decided to cut it to just those three.

There’s not really much else to say, except a funny IRL anecdote that I hope at least (1) person finds funny. I am quite the lazy person, and I also don’t like writing stuff that isn’t at least remotely AB related. So, when I was assigned to write a short story for my junior year English class, I basically ripped myself off and slightly modified one of the chapters to use for the assignment. I (obviously) got caught, but I never contested it because I wasn’t about to admit to my English teacher I write fan fiction. So, I took the L and lived with the shame. Take it from me, buds: don’t plagiarize, not even yourself!

Little Effort, Big Adventure

One of my favorite episodes from the 2003 series has got to be “Lost In Outland”. So naturally, I would make a fan fiction (vaguely) inspired by it. And by vaguely, I mean not at all related, but I do remember wanting to make this after having seen LIO, so perhaps there is a connection… somehow. My idea was simple: a light on plot, silly little story where Astro travels by train (for some reason) to various towns and cities to see how the locals live. I based it on this idea that Astro doesn’t really leave Metro City much, but has always wondered about other places nearby, so they work out a plan with O’shay to make it all happen.

The funny thing about this fic is probably the fact that I was so consistent with it. I had a bi-weekly schedule (AKA 1 new chapter every other week) that I did follow through with for a while. Why did I stop? Well, at the time, I wanted to rewrite Vivid Insomnia, and I had technically already begun that process with writing Zoran, but it was far from finished, and NaNoWriMo was coming up, so I thought that would be a perfect opportunity to finish it up. Now of course looking back, I (and probably you too) could see why that was a stupid decision, since VI got cancelled in the end. But I guess it’s just something I have to make peace with. And I was happy with what I made for Zoran anyway, so I suppose I shouldn’t be too bitter.

As it stands right now, the fic is pretty much in development hell because I have so many other things (even outside of fan fictions) to work on. Perhaps maybe one day I’ll get the spark to keep working on it and finish what I started, but for now, it’s basically in limbo.

One Shots (And Boy Are There Many)

This one is basically an amalgamation of all one-shots I have at the moment. Obviously, these are all finished, and you can find them on fanfiction (dot )net and ao3!

First, let’s start with Parental, this has got to be my most popular one shot out of all of them for sure. Fun fact: I actually got my partner to help me write this one! Back when we wrote Vivid Insomnia, she used to write the lines for Tenma. So, when it came time to write him, I knew just whom to call. And I gotta say, while this fic is a little rough around the edges, and certainly has some stuff I would change if I could write it all over again, I totally get why this is as popular as it is. Without spoiling the story, basically Astro decides to pay Tenma a visit during the winter time to see if he’s okay, and that’s all I can say.

Second, we have My Dad Eats Collard Greens For Breakfast. Sort of an “unofficial” sequel to Parental, I originally came up with the fic title way before knowing what the plot was going to be. I was basically shopping it around and seeing what fic ideas the title would best suit. Eventually, I decided on a fic where Astro visits Tenma again. But this time it cuts right to the chase, wherein Astro’s already there. Now again, no spoilers, so I can’t say what happens while they’re there— you’ll have to read it to find out.

Finally, there’s Pronouns. You ever get so pissed off at dumb people sliding into your asks and saying the stupidest things, you decide to write a fan fiction as retaliation? No? Just me? Well, regardless, the entire premise of Pronouns comes from an ask I got on Astorinx basically questioning why I use “they/them” pronouns for Astro in my fan fictions. Now, this wasn’t the first time I got asked that. In fact, on Parental, I got asked about the queer elements written into the fic. And to be fair, it was probably petty of me to write an entire fic after getting such comments, but in my defense, I felt a little annoyed at the constant questioning. Especially as a “they/them” pronouns user myself, it just irritated me a bit. Why should I have to explain to you why I use “they/them” for Astro? Personally, I feel I should be left in peace in that regard. But nevertheless, this fic took me no less than 10 minutes to write, and basically says what’s on the tin, detailing why Astro uses “they/them” pronouns. The idea here was basically that I’d have something to link to whenever I get asked this, but thankfully I haven’t. I should also clarify that I’m not against criticism or receiving asks, comments, ETC. My only issue is getting asked things like “why did you do this?” regarding anything queer related in my works. Mostly because the answer is quite obvious: I’m queer, and I write fan fiction.

Contrary To Popular Belief

I guess you could say this is sort of a flip-side, or 3rd cousin twice removed relative to Tales From The Laboratory, but regardless, Contrary To Popular Belief, is probably the most “out there” (quite literally speaking, to be honest) fan fiction I have. Similar to TFTL, Contrary To Popular Belief is a one-shot compilation, but with a twist! What twist, you may ask? Well, every one-shot is a different AU! Pretty much, I wanted to use this as an opportunity to write about stuff I normally don’t, or to get some ideas I’ve had that wouldn’t work with the way the 03 series canon is set up out of my brain. There’s not much else to it, but if you are interested in reading it, the 2 first stories, Left Of The Spacecraft and 2-Star Yelp Review are out. And yes, the fic title is a joke.

You Might See These… In A Few Years

No, I am not joking, it really may be years until some of these fics make their big debut. But I still want to talk about them anyway, in case you’re interested. I also want this to serve as a way to make room in my brain for other ideas to hyper-fixate on for weeks at a time.

Paternal Amnesty

I suppose now’s a better time than ever to be frank: I lied to you all. You see… I did say that Vivid Insomnia was over with, and it is. But… I did manage to (sort of) bring it back, but with a big, giant catch.

One of the things I loved the most about VI was the dynamic between Astro and Tenma. It was heartfelt, but it was also stupidly hilarious. I mean, the number of times Astro would take a jab at Tenma only to get immediately read for filth was definitely something for the books. So, is it really a surprise I’d want to try and bring it back somehow? Well, I suppose not!

Don’t get it twisted, though, this is (unfortunately) not just straight up “yoinking their dynamic from VI and putting it in a new fic”. For that, you’ll have to (spoiler alert) check out Contrary To Popular Belief when ____ Of The Year comes out. What this is, though, is a sort of derivative of the VI fic Two Halves Of The Same Heart.

Now because of spoilers, I’m not going to say what happens in that fic, but seasoned VI fans will hopefully now have a better idea of what Paternal Amnesty has to offer.

Basically, this fic centers around an Astro who is very much aware that their mental health is not great. But unfortunately, O’shay is completely unwilling to provide the support necessary, so they can get the help they need.

To be clear: there are no OCs in this fic, and no, you will not be needed to have read VI to read this. I will say though that if O’shay being portrayed as an asshole is not your vibe, then this fic might not be for you. If you do, however, like Astro and Tenma’s dynamic, or perhaps wished they were on speaking terms, then this might be for you.

My Secret Project

No, that is not its actual title. Back then, I thought maybe if I spoke the least amount possible about what I was working on, I was more likely to follow through with it. Well, suffice to say, it’s been 3 years since I originally came up with the idea, and I haven’t even gotten a single chapter done.

So, why am I being so secretive about it still? Well, to be honest, I’m not sure. I guess now’s a better time than ever to let you all know….

Drum roll….

Ignorant Mischief

Sort of a flip side of Paternal Amnesty, Ignorant Mischief will probably be the biggest undertaking since Vivid Insomnia I will ever do. And this is actually the fic that made me decide to cancel VI.

Why exactly, you may ask? Well, it would help for me to explain (generally) what the plot of IM is (again, without spoilers!).

Basically, this fic is an AU that I’ve dubbed my “adult AU” (more on that later) where Astro is a twenty-something (21 at the start of the fic, to be exact!) who is… for all intents and purposes… a bit of a serial romantic. Where the actual plot is, lies in Astro entering yet another relationship, but this time around it’s with someone they genuinely have cared about for quite some time just as a friend (gee, I wonder who that could be.). Naturally, they don’t want it to go to shit like all of their past relationships have, so they decide to start therapy in hopes of learning how to keep it together. And the rest is, as they say, history! Or at least will not be mentioned here because again, spoilers spoilers spoilers.

So, when I finally figured out what I wanted IM to be about, I realized I was basically writing what VI had intended to be about: Astro’s road to recovery. But it was improved upon in ways I couldn’t have with VI without completely starting over. It felt a little redundant to have both VI, and it's much better in every single way relative up and active at the same time, so why bother?

Now, the difference between this fic and Paternal Amnesty is pretty much night and day. PA is mostly about Astro and Tenma, with less of an emphasis on the therapy they’re receiving. IM, on the other hand, is pretty much solely about Astro’s time in therapy. I mean, sure, there are moments of Astro in therapy in PA, just as much as there are moments of Astro’s life outside of therapy in IM, but neither is the focal point of their respective stories. Another big difference is that Astro in PA is about 13, whereas IM Astro is an adult. Also, O’shay isn’t an ass in IM, but the trade-off is that Tenma is pretty much out of the picture (and is intended to stay that way).

Why this fic has taken so long to come out, actually circles back to why I ended VI and the apology I made earlier. As I stated, this fic is about Astro’s time in therapy, so I, of course, need to know quite a bit about what going to therapy entails, but also have the psychology knowledge necessary to be able to write something accurate. The points and messages I want to have and make, hinge so much on being done well and by someone who is knowledgeable about the subject.

Now, I am aware that it might be a bit excessive to think I’d need to become a psych expert overnight to make this fic happen, but I’d argue against that. Again, it matters a lot to me now that what I write is accurate, and done in good taste. I couldn’t possibly bring myself to write something, fully knowing that I’m ill-informed, with good conscience. Also, as a newfound stickler for psychobabble, It’d also be a bit hypocritical for me to write something akin to a pop psychology piece. What I write has to be accurate, and again, respectful. So tl;dr, I need to do more psychology research, and that’s going to take a while.

Finally, I do want to talk a little about the universe itself. Even though this fic hasn’t come out yet, it has technically been made public in a sort of related way. You see, the foundation of which this fic is built upon is my adult AU. Which for the purposes of this post I won’t get into, but many of my newer works do take place in a version of said universe.

This doesn’t mean every fic I’ve written is connected to IM, though. They just all use the same base, kind of like different plants that use the same pot and soil. Where this is most prevalent is in Tales From The Laboratory, where I’ve pretty much moved on to writing about Retro exclusively as adults, so of course I use this universe as its foundation.

To explain why, I think when I became an adult, I immediately became distasteful of anything to do with minors. In fact, all of my OCs are adults now for this reason. It just doesn’t sit right with me and puts a sour taste in my mouth to write about kids. Of course, I’ll make exceptions, but only when I feel it’s absolutely necessary, or it would break the plot otherwise.

El Campo

Spanish for “the countryside” El Campo is an unofficial prequel to Ignorant Mischief. The intention here is to get a little peek into who Astro would become as an adult. But make no mistake, it’s not the focal point at all. What is the focal point, however, is it’s “actual” plot.

Basically, Yuko sends O’shay off on another vacation after it became apparent that he was up to here in work related stress, and needed to get away for the weekend. So, he decides to take his kids (+ Reno!) to a cabin-like place in the countryside.

There’s really not much else to it. Obviously, since this is much easier to write because it’s just a one-shot and doesn’t require profound psych knowledge, this’ll probably be out a lot sooner.

You’ll Never See Me Again… Except You Never Saw Me At All To Begin With

Even though September won’t cry for you, I will still extend my condolences to you for these fics that were meant to exist, but never did, and (maybe) never will. But hey, there’s a catch! You see, for just the fics in this category, I’m giving the ideas away for free! If I’m not going to make them, it’d be pretty gatekeep-y of me to hoard them. Especially if perhaps somebody else could take them and make them a reality. It just wouldn’t be very punk rock of me to do anything else.

Thespian Alloquy

Technically, my first-ever AU, Thespian Alloquy was supposed to be a fan fiction consisting of an ensemble cast that were all actors. Tezuka Star System jokes aside, what this basically was about is simple: Astro is a preteen (+ human because this was also a human AU for some reason???) that’s looking for something to do over the summer. They have a huge passion for acting, and so after asking many a friends and teachers for ideas, their drama teacher suggests they join Metro City’s local theatre, and they immediately agree.

Now, they also do bring Reno along for the ride, but you don’t have to include him. I just think Reno is definitely the Bonnie to Astro’s Clyde, so any chance I get to have them together and be BFFs, I’m going to take.

Key elements included Astro living with their (presumably divorced) mom. Changing their name to Astro after coming out as agender (besides acting, they’re a huge space/astronomy fan). And of course, being human (again for some unknown reason, I suppose you could make them a robot again if you can figure it out plot wise). Another major plot point takes us to where I get to discuss who went where, character speaking.

Sadly, most of my knowledge has been lost to time since again it is quite spotty. All you need to know though is that basically every main AB character is a part of this theatre. O’shay, for example, conducts the orchestra and has two daughters: Zoran and Uran. Tenma, is the head director of the theatre and basically runs and puts together most of the plays. This is where the big twist comes in because gasp! Tenma is Astro’s father??? Unbeknownst to them, it’s a lot to process and take in. And talk about the irony! Of all places and scenarios for Astro to find out who their long-lost dad was— it was during summer break at a local theatre.

Why this never came to fruition is actually one of the reasons I didn’t touch upon earlier when it came to fics from the future: writing chapters in bulk.

It’s kind of funny and ironic; in the novel world, you, of course, need to have the entire story done before it can be released. But in the fan fiction world, it’s pretty much par the course to write chapters one at a time and post each of them as soon as they’re finished. I however, wanted to at least have a couple ready at hand, so there was enough for people to sink into and not so long of a wait for new material.

This put a lot of pressure on me because I got so in my head and also clearly was not fit for writing in bulk. So, it stayed dormant for so long, and by the time I was finally ready to give it a shot, the hype for the story was basically all dried up, furthering my desire to just give it the boot and call it a day.

That One Time I Decided To Forgo Being A Robot

Based on the 80s episode I cannot remember currently (+ a manga plot if I remember correctly), this was a one shot that was supposed to be about Astro “getting rid” of their robot powers in order to “be human”.

The main reason I pulled the plug on this, was because it was meant to be a more humorous retelling/rewriting of the plot. Because In my opinion you can’t be a robot your whole life, get an operation to “become human”, and not proceed to do silly and idiotic shit thereafter.

Personally, I don’t consider myself to be that funny (at least in the context of writing fiction). And I think in order for this fic to be remotely good, it has to be eye crying, and stomach hurting hilarious.

So instead, I’m hoping maybe someone with a huge funny bone will take this on and give this idea the justice it needs, and make us all fall to the floor dying of laughter as a result.

Crossing The Ts, Dotting The Is, and Fixing The Typos

In closing, I will say this was a very interesting journey to look back on. Sure, I may not remember everything, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of what I’ve made (minus the problematic elements in some of them, of course). What the future holds for me exactly regarding my fan fictions, is, and always will be, uncertain. But perhaps maybe like me, you’ve at least got to learn a bit more about what I’ve done then and now, what’s hopefully to be done, and finally… what I’ll never (personally) make done.

[onisiondrama]

Another Kermit and Friends Interview from July 31, 2022 (summary/notes part 2)

Next guest says they were blocked on twitter by Greg. They say they are fond of him, but they get frustrated with him when he responds to haters because there are things he leaves out they they think he should admit. Interviewer and Greg asks what. The guest says when it comes to the forums, his fans made the posts and he was just reacting to what the fans wanted him to do. (He actually originally made the topics on the original 2016 Onision.co forum for fans to submit photos. The he moved to tumblr and he would come up with topics for fans to submit photos of at the end of his videos. It wasn't really until the 2016 onision.xyz forum he made after that that the fans began creating the topics.) The second thing the guest says that should be clarified is the moderation should have been increased and the pictures should have been vetted because there were underage girls in his videos. They say he did not say anything sexual about underage girls. (There were lots of underage girls because on the three platforms I mentioned previously there was no age restrictions on all three of them. He would say anyone of any age was allowed to submit photos and he did rate underage people's looks/attractiveness and blatantly read off their ages in the video.) The interviewer has no idea what this person if referring to. The guest says a couple months ago they were kicked out of Onision's discord and blocked on twitter. They said they got blocked because they were stating facts, but he didn't 100% agree with it. Guest says they loved Onision for 10 years and they watched him since they were a kid.

Greg says he blocked thousands of people and he blocked anyone who says "ratioed" and anyone who likes those tweets.

Greg says the problem with what the guest said about the forums is on the site he repeatedly said he could only use images that was Youtube appropriate. If there was an issue with the content, then that's Youtube's problem because everything abided by Youtube's policy. He says the forum repeatedly through multiple generations of the forums stated you had to be 18+ to submit. He says it was 18+ for the majority of the site's existence. (Wow this is new careful wording. Interesting. He's been consistently solidly saying his forums were 18+ since around 2018 I believe.) He says the guest is right that the topics were user requested and he wasn't telling them to submit stuff. He says he would make the rating videos because that's what people asked him for and from then on people called him a pedophile. He says he's addressed what the guest said before, but his videos don't go far.

He says someone took a part of the video where he says someone blackmailed him and they took the part of the video that fit their narrative and ignored the beginning of the video where it contradicted their narrative. (I still have no idea which clip he's referring to.)

He says in the doc they used a clip of him as the joker saying something to someone and they didn't show she was hugging and kissing him. (Shiloh) He says he broke up with them because they got pregnant with someone else's baby while cheating on him. He says she's on this documentary saying the joker things was real. (No she didn't. She actually made a tweet clarifying it was part of a skit.) He says she completely reinvented the past. He says a year or two prior, she sent an email to him and his s/o wishing them well. (If this is the emailed he shared online, that was from like 2012 or 2013. Not a year or two before 2019 when she came out and told her story.)

He says there was an Adele song where she talks about showing up on someone's doorstep after they are married and he says she told him that would be her one day. He says that's terrifying. He says she promised to destroy him in a video and the police hauled her away and he says no one cares.

Interviewer asks why someone would cheat on him. He says she said she had sepsis and she had medical coverage in Canada so he flew her back on his dime. He was paying her thousands monthly to make sure she was cared for. He says he doesn't know if the sepsis was true and he made a video listing her lies. She told him her passport was lost so he sent her money to get a new one. He says her uncle contacted him and said she was a hardcore pathological liar and the uncle claimed she didn't lose her passport. Greg chose to believe her. He says a fan emailed him and showed him what her new boyfriend was posting about having sex with her. He says he had a mental breakdown and cried and walked to Denny's. He says 10 years later she was paid 20 to 40 grand based on receipts he's seen and based on what someone (Sarah) told him because they said they could pay for a down payment on a house.

He says whenever he would try to break up with her (back to Shiloh), she would pull the "I'm going to kill myself" thing. He says once she said she was actively walking up a building to kill herself so he had to get back together with her. He says it's like the meltdown video where she said she would destroy him. (He tells the suitcase, leaf story again. I'm tired of typing the same stories over and over, sorry. I'm just going to name the stores like I used to if he's told them a lot and adds nothing new.) [Fire department bringing her back to the house story.] [Knock out by trainer story.] He says people use her as the leading example that he's a monster. [She threatened a different ex story.] He says everyone who watched back then know everyone was begging him to leave her.

Next guest asks about the FBI. Greg says they felt like it was such a non-threat there was zero communication with him. [Fed dog muffin, animal control story.] He says every time the police were called, it was bullshit. He says he was confirmed a good dad by CPS and a good pet owner by animal control.

Guest asks for advice on cyber stalking. He says the internet is the wild west.

Next guest points out Kai has said he had sex with Onision when he was only 17 so he did have sex with an underage person. They start talking about when Onision tried having sex with a third when they were there for Kai, but the interviewer boots them and says the guest gets confused sometimes. (Lol) Greg says he never did anything with (Sarah) when she was underage and she confirmed that.

He says people on his forums lied about how old they were. He says those rating videos would get 10,000 likes each and people would love making those videos with him, but there was a culture change that made those videos awful later but it was celebrated back then. He says his audience was assholes because they requested the videos then they said it was all his idea.

Greg says he never was peer pressured into using drugs because as a teen he spent all his time making forums and videos. He says he's addicted to work. Says he dated people who smoked weed in places where it wasn't legal. [Person he dated as a teen story, Billie weed story]

Next gusts asks Greg to be on his podcast. Greg tells him to contact him.

Interviewer wants to do a road trip and pick up Onision.

Greg says his priorities in life are humble and his interest in fame was crippled. He said he had wealth before. He says at his peak he would get 80 million views a month which would equate to back then $80,000 in one month. (He later says most months was 20 to 40 grand) He had two Teslas, but when he had the success and fame he was still unhappy. He says the fans he had were pieces of shit because they betrayed him over untrue bullshit. He says that tells him they were never a fan, unlike the people on his current site who care about him. He says they prove that by funding his site.

[adelegetsfit]

Some history to my weight journey

I'm not new to the fitblr and weightloss world but I have been gone for awhile.

In Dec 2010 I had reached my highest weight at the time, 221lbs. I started my weight loss journey, documented on tumblr, and by April 2012 I was at my lowest of 154lbs.

Then I met my husband, I got comfortable, I got lazy, and started to slowly gain back weight. I still ran (including the Chicago marathon in 2013!) but slowly I was going back to my old ways.

In Feb 2017 I found out I was pregnant (at 234lbs) with our daughter. It was a complicated pregnancy with preeclampsia, and a premature birth at 30w1d with a 64 day nicu stay but before the end of Oct 2017 we were all home.

I'd attempted to lose weight here and there since then but nothing stuck. I wanted to be back down to at least 170 before we tried for baby #2 just so I could give us the best chance of a healthy pregnancy but as time went on and I wasn't losing the weight I decided I just wanted to get pregnant now instead of waiting.

In June 2020 I got my IUD removed and we started trying for baby #2. With our first I got pregnant right away, first month after my IUD was out. So I thought for sure that's what would happen this time. Unfortunately month after month went by with now positive test until finally in Dec 2020, less than a week before Christmas I finally got a positive test! But by Feb 2021 we learned we had lost the pregnancy. I was devastated. But we immediately got back to trying as soon as it was considered safe. By October 2021 I met with my OB to discuss infertility and we began my first round of clomid a couple weeks later. That first round didn't work so we tried 2 more rounds before switching to letrozole.

During that journey I also learned I have PCOS. I worked hard and went from 289lbs in Oct '21 to 246lbs in Mar '22. I got pregnant in January of '22 but was in the middle of a workout program when I got pregnant so my doctor said I was ok to continue even if it meant I was losing weight while pregnant. Over the pregnancy I got to my highest weight ever of 303lbs on the day my 2nd daughter was born in October 2022. Almost immediately after she was born I dropped back down to the 270s where I've been for a little over a year now.

We're hoping to try for 1 more baby, hopefully in the later half of 2024 so I'd like to get my weight back under control.

I'm going to be doing a Beachbody On Demand (BODI is what they call it now I guess) workout as well as eating healthier and getting back into running again. I'm thinking if I can get into a good running habit in the first month of 2024 then I'll commit to a local race series that does 6 races on different holidays throughout the year.

My daughter who is 6 has really loved doing some 1 mile races lately so I'd love to do some races together with her this upcoming year.

Feel free to join me and follow along! (I do also have a instagram under the same name @adelegetsfit so feel free to follow there too!)

[astoldbycolin]

10 Years of DJing

In the immortal words of Hilary Duff: "Let's go back... back to the beginning..."

10 years ago today, I began my DJ project Blitz Comet and released my first DJ Mix - Summertime Vol. 1. It was the summer of 2013. I had just finished Middle School and what I thought at the time was the worst school year of my life. Though I was nervous about starting High School, nothing made me happier than the school year and Middle School being over and I was looking forward to kicking back and taking a much-needed rest. And kicked back I did.

I spent a chunk of that summer watching glued to Cartoon Network and Disney XD watching Regular Show, Adventure Time, and Gravity Falls, hanging out with my friends in the scorching Pennsylvania heat, writing on the blog I had at the time, figuring out Tumblr, and after asking for it for some time, my sister finally gave me her old iPod Touch and from there I set up profiles on Instagram and Vine (remember that?) and started filling it up with music.

Like all kids, I got bored at points during the summer and while downloading songs for my new iPod, I also got some blank CDs my Dad had in his office and started making mix CDs (remember those?) and I'd play on our CD Changer that was practically never touched in our family room. From there, I stumbled upon a site called Mixtaping.fm (which sadly no longer exists) and started making mixtapes there. I was having a lot of fun with it and decided that I wanted to turn the mixtapes I was making into actual DJ Mixes. I didn't know anything about how to make them, so I went on YouTube and watched a tutorial on how to make mixes on Audacity, which I knew how to use. Shortly afterward, I made my first official DJ Mix, consisting of 7 songs I was heavily listening to at the time. Blitz Comet Presents Summertime Vol. 1 shortly after dropped on Mixtaping.FM and Mixcloud, and the rest is history.

Since then, I've worked on my mixing skills, learned how to use actual DJ software, and have released almost 50 mixes, a handful of mashups, and co-produced some tracks. And there's still more to be done! I want to thank everyone who's been listening and supporting the past decade. Two years ago, I released a remixed and rearranged version of the mix titled Summertime '13, which is available to listen to on SoundCloud and Mixcloud. If you have a half-hour to kill today and are in the mood to listen to some early 2010's EDM, give it a listen! And while I never made another volume of Summertime and it's been a pretty quiet year for Blitz Comet thus far, that may change come this weekend...

TRACKLIST:

1. Kill Paris - Slap Me (Candyland Remix)

2. Skrillex & Damian Marley - Make It Bun Dem

3. Krewella - Alive

4. Adventure Club - Retro City

5. Sirah - Blew Your Mind

6. Wolfgang Gartner - Overdose ft. Medina

7. David Guetta - Play Hard ft. Ne-Yo & Akon

[kippyssunshine]

Hello and welcome to my SMBC tumblr. My name is Casey and I am currently just shy of being 2 months away from my first meeting with a fertility specialist. This tumblr is going to be my way of sharing my SMBC journey and a way to express my thoughts and share my knowledge. Today my goal is to give you a quick view of where I am on my journey and a very brief look at what I am doing or my plans are.

First, what is SMBC? It stands for Single Mom By Choice. This option is becoming more popular as women are not choosing not to wait for a relationship to go forward with being a mother. (The method is also a very common method used for same sex couples to have a child also.)

Now with that little tidbit of knowledge explained let me take you back in time momentarily to the summer of 2021. By this time I am in full blown baby fever mode, and have had no luck in relationships since 2013. I am at a baby shower for a friend of mine who is in a same sex marriage and had gone through with artificial insemination to become pregnant. This was the second time the idea had come into my mind but this is also the time it lingered in my mind. Fast forward a few weeks and here I am in my cousin’s house helping her with her newborn son and I confirmed that yes I wanted a child. I began looking into insemination during my two week there. Finding out about how much it might cost. Finding out where in my area I could go for it. At this time I told my cousin my plans.

I talked to my mom about it too as soon as I saw her given that I currently still live with my parents. She and I agreed at the time that I would wait until I was 30 to go through with this and I was so excited that by the time I saw my family at a July 4th party I shared it with my aunts and female cousins. Unfortunately for me one of my aunts voiced her clear dislike for my plans saying that I’m not even close to being ready.

I took my aunt's words to heart that day and pushed the thought out of my head of becoming a mom. It wasn’t until six months later that I started to think about it again but this time I didn’t want to wait. I did more research on my own and on March 21st, 2022 I made the call to make an appointment. I first called to make an appointment with an OBGYN but was corrected to the fertility specialist in my health network. With a long waiting list I was scheduled for an appointment for July 19th (of 2022). 

Now anxiously waiting I had to do something. So I messaged my friend who had gone treatment the year before asking her for advice on what to do. She told me due to the price of sperm and treatment, make sure to be sure of my ovulation cycle and to track it for several months before trying. I have purchased a box of 100 test strips to start tracking my cycle. Due to my weight (according to the doctor) I have irregular menstrual cycles, so how do I know when to start tracking? Well I just do. If I had a normal cycle it would be easier to test but for now I will just have to start testing and keeping track of my results.

Then I asked my cousin what she did to prepare for her baby and she told me to start taking prenatal vitamins. So I got myself a bottle and planned to begin taking them at the beginning of June (a month before the first meeting because I don’t know how fast the process will go after the first meeting and I was told to start taking prenatals about a month before pregnancy).

Other things I am doing or going to do include;

Looking for a better paying job

Changing my eating habits to be healthier

Exercising more

Stopped drinking alcohol

Giving up caffeine (coffee/energy drinks/soda) this is going to start in June

Decluttering & Organizing (I am best mentally when I am in a clean and organized space)

Checking in with my Insurance 

I need to see if/what they cover for fertility treatments

I want to see if my plan covers mental health care to find a therapist. Having someone to talk to about everything and to help with any postpartum depression is important to me.

Making my support group. This group already has four members for me and will continue to grow as I further my journey

Join a SMBC group (there are probably some on Facebook) but having someone to talk to who is going through it or have gone through it will be really nice to talk to.

Now this is all before my first visit with the fertility specialist and may change after that visit but for now this is where I am, what I am doing, and what I am going to do until that meeting on July 19th.

I’m nervous and excited. I will even admit it, I’m scared. But, I know that I am ready for this. All of this; the good, the bad, the hard, and everything else. It all will be worth it for my sunshine.

[ireadyabooks]

Heartstopper: The Journey So Far

Guest Post from Alice Oseman, Author of the Heartstopper Graphic Novel Series!

Heartstopper, my LGBTQ+ YA romance graphic novel series, has been on a long and complex path to publication. In fact, I didn’t ever imagine that it would get published when I started it! It’s a bit of a complicated story, but here is the journey of Heartstopper so far…

Phase 1: The Origins of Heartstopper!

Many people don’t know that Nick and Charlie were characters in my very first published novel, which was released way back in 2014, written in 2012 while I was still at school! That novel was Solitaire, and it focused on Charlie’s older sister Tori, but Charlie and Nick were both a part of the story too. In Solitaire, they’re in a strong, long-term relationship, but not much is explored about that relationship or how it originated. I loved Nick and Charlie as characters, so, naturally, I wanted to know more about them. And that’s where my desire to tell their backstory began!

Not many people know this either, but I drew a very early version of Heartstopper by hand in a sketchbook while I was preparing for my A Levels (the exams many kids in the UK take in their final year of secondary school) back in 2013. I remember spending hours at a time completely lost in the story of Nick and Charlie. It definitely wasn’t anywhere near the standard of Heartstopper now, but it made me fall in love with their story and feel determined to tell it somehow!

Phase 2: The Webcomic!

A few years passed, during which I would often draw Nick and Charlie and share my art with readers on my art blog. I also became a great fan of many webcomics! Hello? Free comics online? Heaven!

I’d tried to plan out Nick and Charlie’s story as a novel, but couldn’t get it to work, eventually realizing that their story didn’t have the typical structure of a novel – there was no beginning, middle, and end, there was just the various stages of their relationship as they grow and learn about the world together. I then realized that the perfect medium in which to tell this story was a serialized webcomic! Episodic, long-form, and using my love for illustration and comics – it was perfect.

So in 2016, I began making Heartstopper, and in September of that year, I launched it online, where it could be read for free on Tumblr and Tapas.

Phase 3: Self-publishing!

By mid-2017, the comic had grown in popularity enough for me to feel confident that I could publish a book of the first two chapters, which I had just completed drawing. I spoke to my literary agent (because I was, by then, already an author of YA fiction), but she confirmed what I feared – there was no market for YA contemporary graphic novels in the UK. So I decided to self-publish.

It was an enormous amount of work and it essentially took up most of my time during 2018, but that year I successfully ran a Kickstarter to fund the print run, and 2000 copies of the first volume were printed and sent out to readers all around the world. The people at my village post office got to know me very well indeed.

Phase 4: Traditional publishing!

While that was all happening, I had been in talks with Hachette, a publisher in the UK, to publish a graphic novel with them. Initially, we decided I would create a standalone graphic novel unrelated to Heartstopper, but after seeing the success of the Kickstarter and how many readers wanted copies of the books, Hachette decided to publish Heartstopper instead. And in early 2019, the first volume of Heartstopper was released with Hachette.

More volumes followed after that – the second in mid-2019 and the third in early 2020 – and also international editions, including the wonderful two-colour US editions published by Graphix Scholastic!

Also in 2019 I was able to announce that Heartstopper had been optioned for TV by See-Saw Films! I’ve been working very closely with them over the past couple of years to adapt Heartstopper for TV, and we’ll have updates to share with you early in 2021…

In conclusion!

It’s been a whirlwind of a journey, and I feel incredibly lucky that Heartstopper has found so much support – none of this would have happened otherwise. And I’m very thankful I no longer have to lug hundreds of books to my village post office.

[isaacthedruid]

Please allow me to tell you about one of my favourite cartoons through this informal essay I did for school a couple of months back. 

Gravity Falls and How it Did The Unimaginable

**SPOILERS... KINDA**

The 2010s saw the creation of some of the most iconic animated tv shows ever made, the likes of Adventure Time (2010), Steven Universe (2013), Over the Garden Wall (2014) and The Legend of Korra (2012). To explain why this era’s shows are so admirable is honestly rather difficult. Yet, there are many factors that can be taken into consideration when looking for an answer.

The past decade was very successful in perfecting their craft and utilizing the animated format to their favour, creating some of the wackiest and fascinating cartoons ever made. With the advancements made in both 2D and 3D animation for film, this bled into the world of TV as well.

To mention that 2010s cartoons have stunning visuals would be an understatement. Everything about the animation was beautiful; the strong colour palettes, the clean and imaginative character designs, the colourful and immersive backgrounds and especially the mesmerizing worlds that can be found within episodes that are half an hour.

This era’s cartoons also led to a massive shift in storytelling, writing longer-running stories that spread out across seasons while also swapping out episodic adventures for serialization. This heavily aided in the popularization of these shows, due to the rise of internet fandoms and dropping the taboo that cartoons were only for kids. Many shows acknowledged their older viewers by leaving clues and even puzzles to be solved by the theorists who have a large appearance on social media platforms like Reddit, Twitter and Tumblr. As the shows progressed, their fandoms created many theories for what they believed might happen within their favourite series. The top three shows from this era all utilized these changes, being at the forefront of the shift and helping guide the creative vision of 2010s cartoons.

Often regarded as many people’s favourite cartoon, Gravity Falls presented one of the best mysteries of the decade with two seasons and only 40 episodes. Inspired by Twin Peaks and The X-Files, it’s considered as the kids’ version of these two iconic shows as this cartoon acts as many people’s first introduction to horror through bright colours and fun characters.

This series follows the adventures of Dipper and Mabel Pines, twins, who are sent to spend their summer with their great-uncle or Grunkle Stan in Gravity Falls, Oregon. This town is full of oddities like supernatural creatures, insane and eccentric inhabitants, and many puzzles. The Pines twins must adjust to the weirdness while uncovering the mysteries and protecting their new town.

While living in Gravity Falls, the twins are forced to work in the Mystery Shack, a tourist trap created by their Grunkle Stan that overcharges unlucky tourists, teaching about fake monsters despite there being real creatures all over town. On his first day in Oregon, Dipper accidentally came across a mysterious journal written by an unknown author that explains all the oddities to be found in this strange town. This book acts like an encyclopedic of the Weird for Dipper, an inquisitive 12-year-old kid who seeks answers.

Dipper is an extremely intelligent kid, his brain being far more developed than his body. He’s rather awkward and self-conscious as he often stumbles over his words or gets embarrassed trying to talk to girls. Despite this, the boy is an adventurer at heart who just wants to grow up and skip his upcoming teenage years.

While Mabel is quite the opposite in many ways, she is loud and has an in-your-face personality. Mabel is bouncy and fun, she is so excited to start high school. She is easily excitable and for the larger part of the series, she is in her boy-crazy phase. Mabel is a girly-girl as she likes all things; glitter, unicorns, rainbows, partying and crafting. Yet, she doesn’t often compare well with many of the other girls in town, they see her as weird and “too much”.

(In all fairness through, it is not too kind to either of the characters as their personalities are more complex than just awkward nerd and artsy girl-girly.)

Dipper and Mabel’s personalities are very different but somehow, they—along with their Gravity Falls family—manage to solve mysteries and save the town, multiple times.

Gravity Falls is an honestly genius series that completely changed the way cartoons were made. Originally when writing a series, you’d create a base of your story; characters, the universe and a basic plot. Yet, when creator, Alex Hirsch (who was in his early/mid-20)s and his small team first began constructing their show, they planned out everything they could possibly think of for the first season. Additionally, outlining some answers for their biggest mysteries that would be answered at the end of the series.

Despite being rated TV-Y7, this series really pushed the boundaries of kids’ television. From the teeth being ripped out of a deer’s mouth by a demon, rearranging the functions of every hole on a man’s face to an aggressive pop-rock sock puppet show that ended in a dramatic slow-motion scene of the puppets burning. Gravity Falls wasn’t afraid to get a little weird or creepy. Or create some genuine nightmare fuel. 

From the beginning, Gravity Falls had built a mystery into its series, hiding secrets and clues all throughout the show. Most notably were the backwards-recorded message and cryptograms, using roughly nine different kinds, even creating two of their own.

The inclusion of cyphers and mysteries for fans to solve is possibly the reason why this series was so successful. As one of the first shows to do something like this, Gravity Falls used social media and internet fandoms to its advantage.

As mentioned earlier, cartoon fans have quite a presence on social media platforms like Twitter and Tumblr. They create theories and share fun ideas about their favourite shows. Viewers of Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe were all included in their share of theory fun.

Sometimes, fan theories end up being correct but when you’re Gravity Falls creator, Alex Hirsch, you don’t just watch from the sidelines as your viewers figure out the biggest mystery of your show. No, you create a hoax to get your viewers off your trail and that is what he did. Around 2013, only halfway through the first season of the show, viewers had started to follow the clues, theorizing who was the author is Dipper’s mysterious journal.

Unfortunately for the Gravity Falls production crew, the viewers were right— for the sake of readers who have never seen the show, I will not mention who the author was as it would be the biggest spoiler.

In 2013, a supposed leaked image of a tv showing a younger version of the show’s crazy old man character, Old Man McGucket, writing in the infamous journal was uploaded anonymously (by Alex Hirsch) to 4Chan.

Despite the image only being on up for a few hours, it spread like wildfire. Much to the team’s success, theorists stopped searching for the answer to “who is the author” and just accepted the image of McGucket as the truth.

To further push the fake-out, three words were posted to Alex’s Twitter, “fuming right now.”

The tweet was deleted a few minutes later and fans genuinely believed that someone from the Gravity Falls team had leaked the most important part of the story.

While doing research, I came across a Reddit post from April 10th, 2013, the day after ‘leak,’ Alex’s tweet was uploaded. In this post, user, TheoDW uploaded an image of Alex’s tweet with the caption, “It seems that Hirsch got mad at last night’s leak. He already deleted this tweet.”

Seeing the reactions of these Redditors in 2013 is kind of weird and crazy to look at. “He has every right to be upset. Someone internally released a plot revealing screen shot of series breaking spoiler information,” a deleted Reddit account commented.

“This is Alex Hirsch’s biggest success by far, he spent a huge amount of time carefully planning out the series, and then in a moment someone releases a major spoiler. It would make anyone upset,” the user, Time_Loop commented.

“Seriously, this is a nightmare for a storyteller, and shows a breach of trust. I feel so bad for him–honestly, I hope whoever did the leak gets caught and appropriate action is taken. You don’t f–k with someone’s story like this. It’s unprofessional.” the user, lonelybeloved angrily commented.

In 2014, this ‘leak’ was finally disproven when viewers were given an episode on McGucket’s backstory and an amazing tweet from Alex Hirsch. 

Alex had post an image of himself playfully pointing at a monitor with the supposed leaked picture with the caption, “1) Make hoax  2) Upload to 4Chan  3) Post angry tweet about "leak" 4) Delete tweet 5) Let internet do rest”

It is so interesting to look at these comments know that all of this was orchestrated by Alex.

I wish I had been old enough at the time to follow theories and fandom stuff like I do now with current cartoons but really looking at this from an outside perspective, this was insane!

The real author wasn’t revealed until 2015 and when viewers first got the answer to this biggest show on their screens, they must have freaked out!

Following the finale in 2016, a single frame of a stone version of Bill Cipher, the show’s villain, flashed in after the credits had finished.

Alex Hirsch and his team actually created a real-life statue of their villain for their viewers to find and on July 20th, 2016, the Cipher Hunt began.

By following clues, the Hunters found themselves all over the world; Russia, Japan and then travelling throughout the United States for the final 12 clues. When the hunt took them to Los Angeles, actor, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper Pines, also a massive fan of the series) and Alex Hirsch’s twin sister, Ariel Hirsch (the inspiration for Mabel) joined in the fun helping the search.

Finally, the hunt ended on August 2nd when someone tweeted out an image of the found statue in Oregon, the same state in which the fictional town of Gravity Falls exists. The Cipher Hunt had ended but finding the statue wasn’t Alex’s goal for the scavenger hunt, it was about the journey and bringing together the viewers, more than having them actually find the statue.

Creating its own hoax, an international scavenger hunt and quite a bit of nightmare fuel, Gravity Falls was a show truly unlike any other.

The 2010s saw some of the strongest cartoons ever made, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe acting as the leaders for multiple different changes in the medium; storytelling, worldbuilding, interaction with viewers, utilizing social media, representation and further pushing music into the cartoon world. From what was created this past decade and what has already been released in 2020, I’m so excited to see what comes next.

I have another one of these which is on Steven Universe’s representation and music if you would like to see that too!! 

[mimisempai]

Love can build a bridge between your hearts and mine

Summary:

To allow Loki to repair his relationship with his mother and brother, Mobius accompanies him on a trip through time. Between Asgard in 2013 and New Asgard in 2023, follow Loki on the road to recovery.

Tumblr request : A Lokius scene where Loki brings Mobius back to Asgard and they meet Thor.

As always, I got carried away, thinking that if he could meet Thor, why not his mother too. Don't ask me about his father, I don't have much love, if any, for Odin.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32670202

2893 words - Rating G

Asgard 2013

"You're not the Thor I know at all, are you?"

Thor tried to put on a brave face, "Yes, I am."

Frigga continued, her tone filled with compassion,

Thor denied, "I didn't say I'm from the future."

Frigga shook her head and answered, "I was raised by witches, boy. I see with more than eyes, and you know that."

Thor attempts to hold back his tears and fails miserably, "I am totally, totally from the future."

They both hug each other.

They continued to talk, Thor recounting everything that had happened, Loki's death up until Thanos' death and what followed.

Frigga said softly, a hand on his shoulder, "Everyone fails at who they are supposed to be, Thor. The measure of a person, of a hero, is how well they succeed at being who they are."

Thor replied, a trembling smile on his lips, "I really missed you, Mum."

"I miss you too mother... I miss you both."

Mobius entered the time theater and his throat tightened as he heard Loki's last words. He had been aware all along of the sacrifice Loki had made in order to preserve the main timeline. But hearing the words from his mouth broke his heart.

He walked over to Loki sitting in front of the screen and put his hands on his shoulders. Loki leaned his head against Mobius' arm.

Mobius simply said, "I'm sorry Loki."

Loki waited a few seconds before answering, "I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't miss them, I miss them every day and I regret that my mother died thinking that I didn't consider her my mother. But what I regret most is not being able to introduce you to them, tell them that I am happy, and that you are part of the reason for that happiness."

Mobius kissed the top of Loki's head, and they remained like that for a few moments in silence, in front of the still image of Thor and Frigga embracing.

Then Loki stood up, took Mobius' hand and said softly, "Let's go home."

Mobius nodded pensively.

As they walked hand in hand, his other hand in his pocket, Mobius felt the tempad under his fingers.

When they arrived home, after closing the door behind him, Mobius walked over to Loki, took his hand, and made him sit with him on the couch.

"Mobius? Is everything okay?" asked Loki, surprised.

Mobius nodded, looking serious, "Loki, how about a chance to see your mother and brother, to tell them what you need to tell th-hpmph!"

Loki had thrown his arms around Mobius' neck and was kissing him passionately. Mobius tightened his arms around him, responding to the kiss with the same passion.

After a few moments, they parted and Mobius continued, again serious because the subject required it, "However, I want you to be aware that this is not something we can repeat.  You understand why don't you?"

"Oh Mobius, I understand, but just once will be enough for me, if only to maybe lessen that feeling of unfinished business between me and them.  I...I-thank you."

Mobius wiped a tear from the corner of Loki's eye with his thumb and replied softly, "If I can make you happy, even just a little, that's enough for me.  You can choose for yourself when and where you want to meet them. The important thing is that we don't do anything that might disturb the space-time continuum, okay?"

Loki nodded and hugged him in response.

"Now?" asked Loki next, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Yes. Just take some time to think about where and when you want to go."

Loki had watched the lives of his mother and brother several times. He just had to find the perfect time to talk to each of them.

"Can I see them each on a different date?"

"Yes, of course."

"Very well, then let's start with Asgard in 2013, just after Thor leaves my mother and returns to 2023."

Mobius abruptly raised his head, "Loki? Are you sure? That's right before your mother's-"

"Yes Mobius, I'm sure, I promise."

Mobius, passed his knuckles on Loki's cheek before taking the tempad and entering the date.

The timedoor opened. Just before crossing it, Loki stopped Mobius. "Wait, I think it's better if we go like this."

Mobius felt the now familiar sensation of Loki's magic flow through him and found himself dressed in Asgardian attire.

Loki looked at him with a smile, "If I had known what you would look like in an outfit from my realm, I would have dressed you in it long ago."

Mobius chuckled slightly, enjoying the sight of Loki in his prince's clothes before grabbing his hand and passing the timedoor.

They found themselves in the hallway of the palace where Thor and Frigga were. As the door closed, they had time to see Thor grab his hammer and disappear before their eyes. They had just enough time to hide behind a column.

Loki was frozen and refused to move. Mobius pushed him gently.

"I just told your brother that you know how to sneak around better, but that doesn't stop me from knowing that you're here... Loki." came Frigga's voice.

Loki slowly stepped forward, and whispered with a broken voice, "Mother..."

"Mother?" asked Frigga, "Didn't you tell me I wasn't your mother?"

Loki stopped, unable to take another step, unable to say another word.

Frigga continued to move closer, until she arrived in front of Loki. She approached her face to his and scrutinized his eyes.

"But you're not that Loki, are you?"

"No, Mother I-"

Frigga put a finger to Loki's lips, "Your brother just tried to deceive me the same way, you both have a tendency to forget that I was raised by witches."

Then, with a welcoming and fond smile, she opened her arms and Loki threw himself into them. "Mother, I have missed you so much."

"I miss you too, my son..."

She stepped back a little, took his hands, led him to a stone bench and made him sit with her. She kept his hands in hers and asked him, "Tell me more."

Like Thor, Loki told her everything that had made up his life since he had seized the Tesseract. When he finished, she put her hand on Loki's cheek and said softly, her eyes shining, "I always knew, Loki, that you could do anything, no matter what you set out to do. I'm glad I don't see that shadow in your eyes anymore. You look...dare I say it...happy?"

Loki nodded, "Mother I miss you in ways you can't imagine, believe me, but yes, I am... happy."

Frigga, a knowing smile on her lips, added in a slightly louder voice, "I have a feeling that the person behind the pillar over there is no stranger to it, is he?"

Following the direction of his mother's gaze, Loki turned his head just to see Mobius emerging from the shadows.

He rose to join him, took his hand and led him to his mother.

"Mother... you are right, I present to you the man who is one of the main reasons for my happiness, the man who now shares my life, Mobius."

Mobius, who remained true to himself, extended his hand in a straightforward manner, "Your highness..."

Frigga did not grasp Mobius' hand but instead embraced him, whispering in his ear, "Thank you." then tightened her hold before releasing him.

Seeing Loki move closer to Mobius as if he couldn't stay away from him, Frigga smiled fondly.

The three of them stood in silence, savoring the moment.

However, the sweetness of those few seconds was interrupted by troops running just below them, reminding them of the ephemeral nature of their situation.

Frigga nodded and said, "I think it's time for all of us to go our separate ways."

Loki, knowing what would happen to his mother, "Mother, I-"

Frigga shook her head, "Don't tell me, things are as they should be. I am so delighted to know that you are happy, nothing could have fulfilled my mother's heart more. I love you Loki, my son."

Loki threw his arms around her, "I love you Mother."

Meanwhile Mobius had made the timedoor appear, and was patiently waiting for Loki.

"Go, my son. I am proud of you."

After taking one last look at his mother, Loki walked over to Mobius, unable to stop his tears from flowing, Mobius took him in his arms, his gaze meeting Frigga's in which he could read the gratitude. He simply nodded and Frigga turned away and left.

Mobius asked Loki in a whisper, "Loki, sweetheart, I need you to tell me where and when we are going now."

Loki wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and told him with a hoarse voice, "New Asgard in 2023."

Mobius nodded, knowing exactly what moment it was.

He programmed the tempad and they both walked through the timedoor.

They arrived at a cliff above New Asgard, a few feet away from Thor and Valkyrie.

As they walked, their conversation came to their ears.

Valkyrie asked Thor, "What will you do?"

"I'm not sure. For the first time in a thousand years, I- I have no path. I do have a ride, though."

Thor began to turn away to leave and froze when he saw the two men advancing toward them.

"What sorcery is this?!!!" he cried out as he reached up to call his hammer.

Loki, seeing where this was going to lead, began to shout, placing himself in front of Mobius in defense, "Stop Thor, stop! I come in peace! Stop my brother!"

Thor lowered his arm and continued to move forward but less sure, eyes narrowed, until they were face to face.

"Ouch!"

Loki buckled at Thor's blow to his abdomen. He made a move to stop Mobius from rushing in and putting himself in danger. "That's... well... Mobius... that's normal... that's even standard as a way to greet each other between my brother and me-mmph!"

Loki found himself caught in his brother's crying embrace. "I thought you were dead!"

Loki pushed Thor away slightly, "Thor, listen to me, I am really dead, it is important that you understand this, I will be leaving again later but here I will always be dead."

"But what? How-..." Confusion was written all over Thor's face.

Loki pulled him to sit on a grassy mount not far away.

"Come brother, I will explain."

Mobius and Valkyrie stood there while the two brothers caught up.

After a few moments, Valkyrie, breaking the silence, asked, "So you and Loki..."

Mobius stared at her in surprise, "How did you...?"

"I hesitate between the fact that you rushed to save Loki from the God of Thunder, you a human with no power, or the fact that Loki who only cares about his own little self stood between you and his brother to protect you."

Mobius smiled and held out his hand, "Mobius, nice to meet you."

Valkyrie took it and replied, "Valkyrie, likewise."

Mobius continued, "And you and Thor...?"

"To think I was beginning to like you."

They were interrupted by Thor's thunderous laughter as he looked up at them.

"You... and him?!"

Thor stood up as Loki looked on in horror, and rushed to Mobius, opened his arms and exclaimed, "Into my arms my brother!"

Mobius, amused, found himself caught in the embrace of the god of thunder.

Loki breathed a sigh of relief as he approached them.

"So you're the genius who finally made my idiot brother see reason?" asked Thor, mockingly.

"Thor!"

"If by that you mean I was the one who made him see that he was better than what people wanted him to believe, then yes it was me, but the rest he did on his own." Mobius had said this, in a firm tone, with a defiant expression on his face.

Thor nodded with a knowing smile, "I can see how you won his heart."

"Thor!" exclaimed Loki again, annoyed.

Thor turned to Loki, a mischievous sparkle in his eye, "Loki, don't pretend, you're the one who told me just before that Mobius was-hmph."

Loki had thrown himself at Thor, putting his hands over his mouth and Thor burst out laughing. All this under the amused eyes of Mobius and the exasperated one of Valkyrie.

Thor pulled away from Loki and approached Mobius again, putting his arm around his shoulder and leading him away, "It's time I take my role as big brother seriously and do what the midgardians call the shovel-talk."

Loki raised his hand in protest, "Thor, no..."

Mobius turned to Loki, shook his head and gave him a smile that was meant to be reassuring "It's okay Loki."

Loki let them go.

After a few moments of silence watching them, making sure Thor wasn't hurting Mobius, he turned to Valkyrie, "So you and my brother...?"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and muttered, "I really wish your brother had hit harder before..."

Loki raised his arms in surrender, "Pretend I didn't say anything." He paused and resumed more seriously, "Shall I congratulate you, your majesty?"

"You have a problem with that?" replied Valkyrie in a defensive manner.

Loki shook his head and smiled amusedly, "Not at all, I know you will look after the people of Asgard as well as I or Thor would have. Probably even better."

Valkyrie just nodded once in recognition.

Loki continued to watch Thor and Mobius in the distance, curious about what was being said.

After a few minutes the two men returned to Loki and Valkyrie.

Thor clapped his hands together, "Well my friends, I think it's time to leave. I have a ship to catch," he pointed to the ship behind him, "She has a kingdom to rule and you two need to return to your time, past or whatever."

He walked over to Mobius and shaking his hand, he said, "Take care of my little brother, I know he makes people want to hit him sometimes, but he's a good person, I always knew that."

Mobius nodded, "He is. Take care."

Then Thor turned to his brother and hugged him, "Brother, I know nothing has ever been easy between us, but never doubt that you are my brother and that I love you." Loki tightened his arms around him, " I love you too brother." They remained in each other's arms for a few more seconds before parting ways.

Thor turned to Valkyrie, "Come my friend, accompany me."

As he walked away to the ship, Thor turned and called out, "Be happy!" he paused, and a mischievous gleam in his eye continued, "And invite me to the wedding, whenever and wherever!"

"Thor!!!" shouted Loki.

A thunderous laugh answered him.

Mobius and Loki watched them go away for a while. Then Loki turned to Mobius and said, "Take me home."

Mobius opened the timedoor and programmed the tempad. They walked through the door that led them directly home hand in hand.

As soon as the door was open and disappeared behind them, Loki leaned forward, closed his eyes and put his arms around Mobius' waist. He pressed his lips to Mobius' and kissed him, putting all his emotions into the kiss. Mobius' hands wrapped around Loki's waist in turn and they explored each other's mouths, their tongues dancing together in a loving rhythm. After a moment, the kiss ended and they simply stayed there, wrapped in each other, listening to their breaths settle. When Mobius caught his breath, he asked, "Are you okay Loki?"

Loki replied, his lips against his, "Yes love, better than ever."

**********

The next day in the archive room, Loki was putting away the various films in their respective boxes when Mobius joined him.

He was putting away the last one titled, Thor- New Agard 2023, letting his hands linger on the edge of the film case before closing the lock on the box and turning to Mobius.

"Aren't you going to watch them anymore?"

Loki shook his head with a smile, "No, because now I have other memories here." while patting his head before adding, "thanks to you."

He pressed his lips to Mobius' in a tender kiss before taking his hand and pulling him behind him without a backward glance.

Once outside, he asked Mobius, curious, "What did my brother tell you?"

Mobius looked at Loki with a smile, remembering the scene.

"I'm only going to ask one question, Mobius."

"Go ahead!"

" Do you love my brother?"

Mobius had replied tit for tat, "More than my life."

Thor stared at him for a few seconds and replied, "That's enough for me."

He paused for a moment and continued, "But... if you hurt him..."

In his eyes, Mobius read all the love he had for his brother and replied, "Never, I promise."

Thor continued, smiling mockingly, "Well, we'll wait a little while, so my little brother will get anxious.

Mobius chuckled and replied, "You may not be blood brothers, but you sure are a lot alike."

"Mobius?" Loki's voice brought him back to reality.

Mobius placed his hand on Loki's cheek and smiled fondly as he replied, "Your brother didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, that you're worthy of all the love in the world."

________

Whole series of one shots here : X

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

[violethowler]

More Machine Than Man: Using Character Parallels to Predict Echo’s Journey in The Bad Batch

Echo was one of the first fictional character deaths that genuinely moved me when I was a kid. 

Sure, there were a lot of character deaths in my formative Disney movies that made me sad, but no death had ever gotten such an emotional “How dare they!” reaction as Star Wars: The Clone Wars did on Friday, March 4, 2011, when Echo got blown up at the climax of Season 3’s 19th episode. 

So when Dave Filoni revealed concept sketches of what the production team had been planning for future seasons at the time of the show’s cancellation, finding out Echo was going to come back - that he was still alive after all - was a tremendous joy for me. Getting the story reels depicting his rescue was a gift enough, but actually getting to see his return as a fully animated episode in all it’s glory when Season 7 finally released on Disney+ last year was a dream come true. 

While I wasn’t particularly invested enough in the Bad Batch as a group to be excited when their spinoff was announced, the fact that one of my favorite clones (second only to Rex and Fives) was now a co-star of a spinoff show was enough of a thrill to keep me invested.

And yet, despite being highlighted as one of the main characters, Echo has not gotten as much focus as Hunter, Tech, Omega, Crosshair, or Wrecker since the show began.  

A lot of this can of course be put down to the fact that while audiences have already had years to get attached to Echo, the rest of the Bad Batch are still relatively new from an audience perspective. Only four of the eight episodes they were planned to appear in for Clone Wars were ever finished, and they were all presented there as stock action movie archetypes. So in a show where these relatively one-dimensional characters are supposed to be the main protagonists, the writers need to spend a lot of time early on fleshing these characters out, making them more rounded, and giving us a reason to care about them besides looking cool and being connected to Echo. 

But just because they haven’t done anything outwardly obvious with Echo yet doesn’t mean the writers aren’t planting seeds now to lay the groundwork for his evolution later on. 

And after thinking some more about “Aftermath” - plus a comment somewhere on twitter, tumblr, TVTropes, or Jedi Council Forums that I frustratingly cannot track down again - I think I might have a general idea of what the writers have in store for him. 

In the first episode of The Bad Batch, Tech refers to Echo as “more machine than man.” 

Now, I’ve seen a lot of people up in arms claiming that The Bad Batch treats Echo like a droid and other arguments, especially after the whole “sold as a droid” scam they pulled in Episode 04. But aside from that one elusive comment I mentioned, I have not seen anyone taking into account that line’s potential as a flag to mark a parallel that could be used to start predicting the direction of Echo’s character arc.

Because while I can’t speak for the novels or comics, but the only other time I have ever seen that specific phrase, “more machine than man” has been in a conversation about none other than Echo’s former General, Anakin Skywalker. Or as he now goes by in the time frame of The Bad Batch, Darth Vader.

It may not be obvious at first glance, but when you look closely at Echo’s designs from Season 7 and his story arc in The Clone Wars as a whole, you’ll find multiple visual and narrative similarities with the story of Darth Vader. 

Both are extremely pale after a long period of time without sunlight: Echo was kept in a box for over a year, while after becoming Darth Vader, Anakin spends all his time in his suit and only takes it off to soak in a bacta chamber like the one at his castle on Mustafar in Rogue One.

But suffered severe injuries that resulted in parts of their body - including being replaced with cybernetics: Echo in the explosion of the shuttle at The Citadel, Anakin by the burning lava of Mustafar. Both of them even lost their right arm specifically. Both of these transformations are also visually associated with fire, and their primary color schemes following their transformations are black and red, along with some dark grey thrown into the mix.

Both are manipulated into aiding the enemy of their respective groups - The Separatists experiment on Echo in order to rip Republic military tactics directly from his mind against his will, while despite Palpatine’s grooming him to become a Sith Apprentice, Anakin still consciously chooses to turn to the Dark Side.

In both situations, Echo and Anakin return back to their original allegiance thanks to someone they care about. Rex saves Echo from his imprisonment on Skako Minor, after which he returns to Republic service. Meanwhile Luke’s love for Anakin eventually brings him back from the Dark Side in Return of The Jedi.

And in each case, their return coincides with them bringing about the defeat and death of the person who they had previously been “working” under. Echo is instrumental in securing Trench’s defeat at Anaxes, leading to his death at the hands of Anakin. Decades later, Anakin kills Palpatine in order to save his son, thereby resulting in the deterioration and downfall of the Empire.

As I discussed in my earlier Ventress meta, the major thematic core of Episodes I - VI of the Skywalker Saga is Anakins’ fall to the dark side and his eventual redemption. When a character is that central to the narrative, several other characters typically serve as mirrors that show how differently things could have gone under different circumstances.

Echo was first shown in his new armor in the animatics for the unfinished Kashyyyk arc shown at Celebration Anaheim’s “Untold Clone Wars Stories” panel in 2015. The production codes put this episode as having been near the end of Production Season 6 in between the first half of Dark Disciple and Son of Dathomir. Based on the dates listed for the concept art for those arcs in their respective galleries on Star Wars.com, this means that Echo’s new Bad Batch armor was originally designed between September 2012 and January 2013. 

Meaning that these references and allusions to Vader were not something that was conceived recently just for his role in The Bad Batch, but something that has been in the works for years. 

So I, for one, cannot wait to see what unfolds because of how many different possibilities there are for the directions that Echo’s character can be taken in with these parallels in mind. 

There’s too many different possibilities to speculate on a single route for Echo’s character arc just yet, but I have a feeling that the more this new series goes on, the more similarities to Vader we’ll start to see.

[sun-to-my-luna]

"Do you mean spill my theory?" yes!!!

I’m not going to be light hearted with this one at all because I’ve held in years of resentment solely towards this one human being. Many times in the past I thought that he was a good person, but the more I dived into him the more I realized he wasn’t. This is where I began to actually theorize that he has an ulterior motive. Not to mention this: https://t.co/1qqwI8iwa1?amp=1

But let’s go back to my post on Jaqcui.

Roger displays “CWS” behavior.

Also known as, “celebrity worship syndrome.” Him working for years in the music industry and even being a CEO of WMG easily gave him access and power to anyone with talent. On his tumblr he was spotted non-stop supporting a 14-15 year old girl (Jaqcui) almost to an asphyxiative point WHILE this girl was on, “The Voice” in 2013. His label 300 was founded in 2012. He saw her, wanted her, and what did he do? He did what he wanted. He got her signed into HIS label in 2014. Under guess what? False Promises.

This girl left his label in 2015/2016.

Guess what happened after that? He knew Epic’s plans. Which means he was watching her like a hawk, as many other people were, because she was going to be a solo act, and then? He came into Camila’s life. He acts like she’s his world like an obsessive fan girl, (again “CWS” behavior.) Supporting her more than her actual fans. Which leads me to my next point.

He is invertly manipulative.

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

He is a simple and basic manger. He always will be. Camila can get rid of him at any given moment that she wants and he knows that. The thing is she hasn’t. This man knows her life like the palm of his hand and that gives him a scary amount of power against her. Unlike Jaqcui, he played his cards right with this one. Gaining her trust. Being around her family like a chameleon. Choosing her fans.

Her “favorite” fans chosen for a reason.

He manages her social media and he choose her fans and her street team. Her stans on Twitter do nothing but drag her name into the dirt at every chance they get. They criticize her every move and in fact they do everything else besides support her. Wasn’t it weird that “Camila’s” Twitter would only ever interact with problematic people? “She” never interacted with people that actually gave a shit about her. It was always people that are so desperate for self-validation that got her time of day. This to me was the first of many personal attacks because Camila wanted to fire him.

His job is to protect her image and support her career in the best way possible, but he didn’t protect nor support Jaqcui. Like he most certainly is not supporting or protecting Camila’s image right now. That’s the thing about manipulative people. When you don’t give them what they want they get really defensive. Enough to stab you behind your back without you knowing it.

Showmila and Andrew.

Back to the “CSW,” from the very beginning he saw the opportunity of money that he could make with Camila. He wanted her. Then he became her manager and introduced her to Shawn Mendes. Was it because of him or was it EPIC? Idk, but maybe it was both. They made a song. They made another song. And they made even more money, but against his clients image. Against a lot of things. What a weird way of saying, “ Fuck you, get over it, go beard with him, and get us money.”

After Showmila, I was convinced he has something else he’s hiding. He is probably blackmailing her. He’s never once defended her image in any of the scandals she’s had. They leave her out in the open to continuously be hated on for no reason. They did a messy ass PR transition with Matthew and Shawn. They only interacted with toxic fans. He’s involved with everything bad, and that’s my theory. If you guys read my Jacqui post you’ll know Roger and his label fucked her over. Which gives my theory credibility knowing that Roger was this girl’s manager.

[secretlittlerandezvous]

Evermore - Jamie Benn

Summary: Back in summer 2013 Jamie ends his relationship with Y/n. Seven years later they run to each other on the street and both of them wonder what would happen if they tried to get back together.

Words: 2964

“We've been here before, you and me together. And we will again. Somewhere somehow we'll meet again.” - Leohearts on Tumblr

End of 2013

Y/n forgot about the time on July 22 at 5:33 pm. That was when her whole life fell apart and her world turned upside down. That was the moment he broke up with her and left her alone, confused and broken. It seemed so easy for him to walk away and forget about their love, but for Y/n it was a heartbreak she’s never experienced before. She was hurting, but everyone around her kept moving forward, life went on and on and Y/n stayed stuck in place. Summer ended as quickly as it came, the leaves turned brown and fell from the trees in the blink of an eye, Halloween passed and Thanksgiving was near but she didn’t acknowledge it and refused to make plans and she decided to stay home alone and cry. She didn’t want anyone to see her because the breakup seemed to take away all of her confidence and she feared everyone would look at her and think “what a fool, she thought she was going to get a fairytale ending with her hockey player prince”. As if the breakup put her in a bad light, as if it meant she wasn’t worthy of the love and the good company of her friends. The only reason she got out of bed every morning was her job that she didn’t enjoy anymore and for every minute she spent there she prayed for the end so she could go home and curl up in bed. No one saw her smile, no one heard her laugh, she stopped joining her colleagues for lunch and she avoided every conversation. She spent most days in her bed, crying and screaming whenever she needed to, and kept replaying every moment before the breakup to find the one where she went wrong. Maybe one day she’d find the mistake and it’d give her a fair chance of avoiding it the next time she’s in a relationship. Because what if it truly was all her fault? What if she ruined it? On the other days, she wrote letters, sometimes to Jamie, sometimes to herself just to get her thoughts out of her mind, and sometimes she stared at the blank paper and didn’t write a single word. All letters ended up in fire the moment she finished writing them.

Y/n used to believe she wasn’t the type of person who lets a heartbreak ruin her life but the end of her and Jamie’s love story had a bigger impact on her than she expected. She kept repeating to herself it was just a breakup, just a guy, just a temporary feeling but nothing could ease her pain. The pain was so overwhelming she was sure it would last for evermore.

The situation significantly changed in December. With all the Christmas decorations, songs, and movies that followed her everywhere, it was hard not to feel the joy. Suddenly she started craving the company of others and started hanging out with all her friends whenever there was a chance, sometimes she walked around the city on her own, she shopped for gifts and before she realized it, she was being her old self again; happy and cheerful. Her attitude towards the breakup changed as well although it highly depended on her mood each day. When Y/n felt good and confident, she wondered what she was even fighting for. For a relationship that ended weeks before he said it out loud? For a man who got so disgustingly comfortable in their relationship and took her for granted? On days like this, she refused to blame herself. On the days when she wasn’t in a good mood, she still cried a little and some doubts returned. But no matter what day she was having she knew now she was going to get through it.

Jamie on the other hand was doing better than ever before. He felt free to do whatever he wanted, he could go out and party all night every night, he had a different girl in his bed every time he went out, there was no one holding him back. In September he was named the sixth captain of the Dallas Stars, the new season started, and he felt like he owned the world. He had everything he ever wanted. But most of his old friends could hardly recognize him. He was the opposite of who he used to be. Cocky and foolish. Jamie naturally refused it and insisted on his truth: he was still the same person. Everyone could see how lost he was without Y/n, they saw it long before Jamie did. Jamie believed he was happy, however the breaking point came in December, just around Christmas. All his teammates were getting ready to spend the holidays with their wives and kids, girlfriends, and families, they all had someone to go to, someone who would greet them at home. But Jamie returned to an empty apartment every night and he started missing Y/n singing in the shower, her silly dance moves while she prepared the food, or her sleeping peacefully while he was about to leave for the morning skate. He missed her face and her voice and her support and love. Everything that he took for granted. He got overly comfortable and believed she would stay by his side no matter what.

And so, while Y/n started to feel better, Jamie started to feel the consequences of their breakup and the pain of all the things he lost.

Presence

Another horrible date, another idiot her friends set her up with. Another wasted day and time and a wasted outfit on someone who didn’t deserve it, not even a tiny bit. Y/n felt comfortable with being single, but her friends believed it was time for her to start seeing someone again. Since her brokeup with Jamie, she only had one longer relationship that lasted for almost three years. But that was three years ago and since then she only went on dates, but she was never satisfied with anyone. And unlike her friends, she already gave up on the hope of ever finding her soulmate.

On her way home, Y/n decided to take the longer route home to properly clear her mind and get some fresh air she so desperately needed. It was late spring, and the weather was nicely warm, the trees were green, and flowers bloomed around the sidewalk. Her mood was significantly decreased by that idiot her friends believed he could be the one, but she still couldn’t resist to smile as she looked around herself. New life always began with spring for her. And as she looked around, she noticed a familiar figure standing just across the street. A tall, muscular figure, dark hair, and tattoos covering his arms, the way he posed as he stood still. Y/n froze in place when she realized it was truly him, her heart started beating faster and she debated with herself whether she should quickly leave or continue walking and go to him to say hi. She then smiled even brightly and with confidence went to him. After all, there was no grudge against him anymore, no anger or pain, no need to cause a scene. She was at peace and she was now able to look back to 7 years ago and feel joy from all the memories she had of him and them together.

Jamie as if he knew felt a familiar presence behind him and slowly turned around. He didn’t expect to see anyone, and he believed it was just a random feeling but there she was. She was more beautiful than he remembered, her hair was longer, her face more mature now but the smile and bright eyes didn’t change at all. Panic took over Jamie when he realized she was heading his way and he wanted to run away. He wasn’t quite ready to face her because even after 7 years he couldn’t believe he made the mistake of letting her go. He knew now she was the love of his life and foolishly he let her go and he couldn’t believe his stupidity and naivety he was better off alone. What was going to happen now? Was he going to meet her on a beautiful spring day with the birds singing, trees blooming and the sunshine warming up his skin and learn some awful truth? What if she was on her way to pick up her children from kindergarten or school? What if he was about to learn she’s happily married and has everything she ever wanted? Of course, he would be happy for her but the selfish side of him couldn’t accept she would have that with someone else and that he was going to spend the rest of his life searching for her in some other girl and then die unhappy and alone.

“Hey there stranger,” her sweet voice brought him back to reality from his thoughts and sent shivers down his spine. It was like seeing a ghost.

“Y/n!” He breathed out and without thinking, he took a step closer to her, wrapped his hands around her, and gently picked her up. Y/n closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the moment and enjoyed his touch, his strong hands around her body, his beard slightly scratching her soft skin, his cologne, and the nostalgia. Jamie did the same, his heart was beating fast and he knew he would have trouble with letting her go once again. “How are you?” He asked as he put her back on her feet, unwillingly and full of fear he would never get to do this again.

“I’m good,” she said confidently. “Really good. I was just on a date.” She laughed.

“A date huh?” He said raising his eyebrow hoping she would give him more details.

“Yeah,” she nodded. Y/n knew she should’ve told him it was a bad date and that the guy was an idiot but Jamie was the last person she wanted to talk to about it and after all, he didn’t need to know anything about her personal life anyway. “But let’s not talk about that. How are you, Jamie? I’m so happy to see you!”

“I’m good too! Things are great with hockey and everything, you know? Couldn’t ask for more I guess.”

The two fell into a silence that was far from comfortable. They randomly and shyly looked at each other from time to time desperately trying to figure out what to say next. After so many years, after all the pain and moving on what could two people possibly talk about? They were done with the small talk and although neither one of them wanted to part ways just yet, they had no idea what to talk about. Y/n deep down knew meeting him would cause some damage, it would bring back some bad memories and possibly even pain and it would certainly leave her wondering what could’ve been if he didn’t end their relationships. Jamie wanted to grab her hand and never let go because he knew now without a single doubt that it was the biggest mistake of his life to let her go and even after seven years he didn’t fully move on.

“I should probably head home,” Y/n whispered unsurely.

“No! Don’t go, not yet,” Jamie said quickly. “We haven’t seen each other for so long we can catch up a little, grab a coffee or something and talk.”

“Jamie,” she said, rubbing the back of her head as always when she found herself in an uncomfortable situation. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Look, after the breakup I was not doing good and it took me so long to get over you. And just seeing you here in front of me is hard because it’s making me realize that it never faded, you know? Something’s still there, some feeling, and I can’t risk getting my heart broken again.” It took all her strength to say it out loud but she had it rehearsed in her mind for such a long time. After the breakup, Y/n often imagined running into him on the street and this was the speech she prepared and memorized.

Jamie knew this was coming, he deserved it. He deserved to know how much he hurt her and how much he screwed up. He had no illusions about himself anymore, for a few years now, he admitted to himself he was arrogant to everyone around him. But what for? It was probably too late. A girl like her, so kind and beautiful, funny and supportive couldn’t be alone.

“I know.” He nodded and looked away. He couldn’t bear looking at her, but he wasn’t gonna give up just yet. “Y/n, I know I made a terrible mistake and I’ve been regretting it for so long and if I had the chance, I would take it back. I was stupid, selfish and I took you for granted. I know it! But I also know that if you gave me a chance, I would be better this time.” This was the first time Jamie shamelessly and bravely admitted his feelings. He was never good with words, expressing his emotions, and avoided it as much as he could but 7 years was a long time to think and to change himself for the woman he loved. In the end, this was probably his only chance.

“I can’t Jamie, I’m sorry, I can’t do this again,” tears appeared in her eyes as she said the last word but she still found some courage to fight it back and smiled at Jamie before she walked away praying he won’t go after her. And he didn’t.

A couple of days later

A few days later Y/n found herself confused about her feelings for Jamie and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. He still had her wrapped around his finger. All these years of moving on and believing she was over him were destroyed. She thought deeply and constantly, wrote dozens of reasons why it’s not a good idea and why she could give him another chance, she cried, tried to forget, talk about it with her friends. But nothing worked. The memory of him kept coming back to her even in her dreams and ever since she ran into him she had a few dreams about the meeting, about their life together, and even a dream of their breakup. She was screwed once again.

“So, what you’re gonna do about it?” Y/n’s friend finally asked after the curiosity took over her. “I mean you’re thinking about him, right?”

“Of course, I am thinking about him! How could I not? It’s been 7 years and I was over him, over us and then I meet him for a few minutes, and he messes me up like this? What am I supposed to do now?” Y/n yelled out. Deep down she already knew what to do but didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Not even herself.

“Whatever you decide to do, I know it’ll be the right thing,” the friend smiled at her warmly.

That night Y/n couldn’t sleep. She kept tossing and turning in her bed, she tried to read a book, watch a movie, listen to a podcast but nothing could put her to sleep. The decision she made deep down haunted her because she knew if it was a bad one it would end in a total disaster and she wasn’t sure if she would survive it the second time around. And so, the next day she decided to go see Jamie in person and clean up the air.

Y/n arrived to the American Airlines Center early in the morning hoping she would find Jamie there. When they were dating, he liked to go there before anyone else arrived to have time for himself and Y/n hoped this habit didn’t change and she would find him on the ice.

“I hoped I’d find you here,” she said with relief when she spotted Jamie on the ice all by himself. “Some habits just don’t change huh?”

“Y/n!” Jamie said with surprised face. He was lost in his thoughts and didn’t notice her standing just a few feet away from him. It brought back so many memories of her coming with him to early morning skates, to his games, or when they sneaked in at night and skated until the late hours of the night. It reminded him of her smile and excitement, he heard her laugh and saw the sparkles in her eyes. “What you’re doing here?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said the last time we saw each other,” Y/n admitted. “And I came to the conclusion that I might survive giving you or perhaps giving us a second chance.” She smiled at Jamie and then quickly stopped as she realized he could’ve changed his mind and not want her back anymore. “If you still want that.”

Jamie’s face lit up immediately after she finished talking. He hoped and prayed for a second chance and he knew that if he was gonna get it he would make sure to treat Y/n right and appreciate her as he should’ve. He then quickly skated to Y/n and stood in front of her with hope and happiness visible on his face. “I promise I won’t make any stupid mistakes this time.”

“You will make stupid mistakes,” Y/n giggled. “Just don’t ever let me go again.”

“I won’t, I promise you that.”

“Then it’s for evermore,” Y/n whispered and kissed Jamie. And it was right. It felt right. They belonged together.