#312 Block Party

[sychosid]

you will always wonder how

Marty Janetty & The 1-2-3 Kid & The Undertaker

Heartbreak Hotel AU

tw: none

Basically, what happens to Marty after my previous HBH fic. Think of this as an interlude.

[Ao3]

Kid was in Austin. Marty didn’t know by what stroke of luck that he was, but the little guy was and he knew he had to thank the stars for that. It was only an hour and a half out with the current traffic getting out of San Antonio.

Compared to that motel, it seemed like time dragged on. He was almost hesitant to drive out of San Antonio, but he knew he had to get away from the city. The wounds that Shawn Michaels’ left on his heart were being torn open. He couldn’t stand being in the city any longer than having booked a motel for the night to sleep in at. Even then his sleep was restless and tiresome. 

Nightmares of the way Shawn stared him down as he tried to drive away were stuck in his head. Those haunted eyes, the howling wind…He swore his car was going to be blown away with him in it.

The honking of the car behind him snapped him out of it. Light was green for go. He was meeting Kid at some abandoned apartment building which was fine by Marty. Anything but a motel for a while would be good.

Marty parked a block off from the building. It was early, he was sure Kid was asleep despite the younger man assuring him he'd be awake. It was too early for him to be up, unless he was already up all night.

The papers had shown that only a day had passed, when it felt like much more at the Heartbreak Hotel. Marty parked his car, stepped out, and made his way over to the abandoned building. He noted the lone motorbike parked right outside the place, surprised that the owner felt comfortable enough to leave it there.

He was going up the dusty, worn down stairs and swearing at Kid inside his head about why he decided they had to meet up on the third floor of all things. Marty was tired, his body trying to play catch up with the real world. There were ideas and thoughts swirling in the party boy’s head, things that weren’t explainable to just about any normal person. But he knew Kid would believe him, and believe him that it wasn’t just a bad trip.

Marty knocked on the door of the apartment number Kid had told him, 312. He waited a moment, before the door pulled open. Noting the lack of a peephole, he was about to chide Kid about not double checking who he was letting in when he noticed the figure standing towards the back of the room.

“Hey Marty!” Kid was happy to see him, as if he ever wasn’t. The man nodded his head in greeting. He was tall. Taller than the both of them. Dark, braided hair that was clearly dyed if the ginger roots peeking through were anything to go by. A leather jacket that was clearly too big for Kid was slung behind a chair. He was clearly the owner of the bike outside. Black, faded and cut into a muscle-tee Metallica shirt, leather pants. Bandana tied around his head.

“Kid, who is this.”

“This is uh, Mark. He said he needed to be here…I think he’s like, homeless or something. Y’know, crazy guy.” Kid leaned in and whispered, looking over his shoulder. 

To Marty, the man looked way too clean and well kept for someone who would be homeless. He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, trying to think of what to do.

“You…nevermind, I’m too tired. He hasn’t tried to do anything to you has he?”

“Oh I just met him like, a few hours after you called me last night.”

So he stayed up all night.

“Right…”

“Pardon me, gentlemen.” Mark interrupted. His tone was far more polite, and his voice was far more gravelly than Marty had expected. “You…you’re Marty, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been…there. Recently.”

“There?” Marty felt his heart drop, but he kept his wits about him the best he could.

“The Heartbreak Hotel.”

It was like ice was coursing through Marty’s veins. He wanted to throw up.

Kid gave him a worried look. “You don’t look too hot man…wait…what’s the Heartbreak Hotel? Some fancy place you hitting up without me?”

“Shh.” Marty made a face at him, thinking for a second about his response. “Hey. How do you know about it?” Something in him knew not to question how he knew that Marty was there. Who cares? He did. Marty wanted to know what Shawn had been through.

“I was there. I met Shawn.” 

Marty’s heart couldn’t decide if it wanted to sink or stop or what.

“I was there.” Marty confirmed Mark’s suspicions. Or his accusation. Marty wasn’t sure. “How did you know Shawn?”

“Know…I met him there.” Mark seemed perplexed by the question.

“You met him–” Marty felt confusion take him over too. “You didn’t know Shawn? Kid you remember Shawn.”

“Michaels?” Kid titled his head.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I remember him a little…we’d just met and then he went missing.”

Mark looked between the two of them, just as confused as before. 

“I did not know Shawn before I met him at the Hotel.” He confessed. “I…assumed he had no human origins.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?” Kid pouted, feeling out of the loop.

“I-I’ll explain later Kid, okay?” Marty put his hand on Kid’s shoulder, getting a nod in response. “And Shawn was a real, living, breathing human with blood in his veins. He was a friend of mine.”

Mark’s face hardly changes, and Marty wonders what he’s thinking. Did this guy think Shawn was just some random spirit or something? Hell, it’s not like Shawn was famous or anything but with this guy’s accent, he had to be local. Austin was the kind of city Shawn would love to live in too. 

After a while, he speaks.

“I see. That changes my thoughts. You need to come with me.”

And with that, Mark was out the door.

Kid and Marty exchanged glances.

“Kid–”

“GO! I don’t know what’s going on but it’s important to you Marty.” Kid is practically pushing his friend out the door.

“Okay, okay. Love ya, I’ll be in touch when I can, okay?”

“Yeah yeah, just go.”

Marty catches up to Mark, who’s confirmed to be the owner of the chopper that was sitting outside. “So uh, let me go grab my car–”

“I’ll give you a ride to it. When you’re following me, stay close. I won’t hesitate to leave you in the dust.”

Something in Marty’s stomach that was twisted just wrenched even harder. He didn’t doubt the pale man, but it was like being around him there was a shift in the air. Colder, deader.

“Alright.”

[enchantressmagazine]

Thailand elections: Parliament blocks Pita Limjaroenrat's bid to become prime minister

CNN  —  Thailand’s parliament blocked the prime ministerial nomination of the winner of May’s nationwide elections, Pita Limjaroenrat, on Wednesday, a blow to his progressive opposition party after nearly a decade of military-backed rule. Out of the 715 members of parliament present, 395 voted to block the second nomination, 312 voted for it, eight abstained and one – Pita himself – didn’t cast…

[sarkisyanportfolio]

Washington, D.C.

Perched to the left of the dry cleaners, the federal credit union, and the dumpster is a medium-sized tree with big pink flowers blooming. I couldn’t tell you what kind of tree it is because I didn’t grow up around nature, and that information wasn’t relevant. All I can tell you is from where I’m sitting, the flowers are impersonating fluffy strawberries. I’ve often despised this city. Its coldness, its alienation, its awkward structure and hideous wide streets. Its lack of interesting street fashion, its abundance of consultants. And yet, here I am feeling like I’m being pushed from a place that felt familiar, comfortable, and a place whose inhabitants made me feel loved sometimes… well often.

When I first got here, I had freshly stepped off the plane from Armenia; a place which had given me so much and was ripped from me in my pursuit for material gain, and other empty pleasures like success and achievement and goals. I took a look around an overpriced beige and brown block, comically ugly with perfectly square apartment buildings across the street from the Cathedral, with disappointment in myself and in capitalism. Disappointed that I had to leave Armenia, and with bitterness in my heart that this is what it took to achieve your goals, gradually I came to realize that everything worth having comes at a sacrifice.

4 years later, I have about 8 suitcases packed up, and 2 more to go. A few seats away from where I’m sitting rests a Crisp & Juicy (Crisp & J), where a tradition was established with someone who became a best friend of mine. I’ll always remember one Crisp & J visit in particular where we sat outside waiting for our food and heard of the great and honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s passing. How we both looked at each other in fear and panic and grief at what this could mean for women under the regime at the time.

I remember hosting a movie night in my studio apartment of 312 square feet with two friends, huddled on my blue futon. I remember my POS leech of a landlord. I remember the birthday party dinner I cooked for my beautiful friend and her now ex-boyfriend; I still don’t know how I fit 15+ people around 3 different-sized odd shaped table structures for dinner in that apartment. I look back and remember laughing and clinking glasses; making new friends and sometimes regretting it and cutting out a few of them, keeping and cherishing the rest, and reuniting with old friends in this current city that, unbeknownst to me, was growing on me against my will.

I have memories of immense loss, of growth, of grief, of talking it out, of needing my space, of needing my friends, and at times of not knowing what I needed. I have memories of being so alone, and texting my mom crying about it. I also have memories of being in a room with 3 or 4 of my closest friends laughing and singing and feeling like I’m lucky to be in a city to experience this. This city was there for me throughout all of that. I have memories of the road trip we took, the concerts, the bars, the time I blacked out in a Wendy’s and the other time I had to call my cousin to pick up my friends and I from North East DC because there were no Ubers over the span of an hour+ at 3 AM because, well, 2021.

And then there’s the pandemic. This city houses mistakes I made, and learned from. It houses my roommates who were utter strangers to me at one point, and yet we weathered a global pandemic together. Girls I quarantined with, girls I struggled with, girls that took me to the hospital when I needed them, drove me to the grocery store in the winter, girls that tell you to text me when you get home. Girls that ask where you are. Girls that ask how your grandma is.

I don’t know how to describe this place in a way that rings true. Not just true to me, but true to everyone. I’m not going to talk about city life as though I’m checking off all the Michelin star restaurants, the cleanliness of its parks, or of the quality of its museums. You stop feeling like a tourist 2 weeks in, and the place becomes the same as everywhere else – a reflection of who you are, who you can be, and who you became while you were here.

I met friends that I always feel loved around; friends that have the dry snippy humor only concrete can produce. Friends that are bold, friends that are dedicated to what they love, friends that still write even when most of us stopped. Friends that put themselves out there again and again, friends that submit their work time and time again, friends that get rejection letters, friends that have pride, friends that are fine having a spotlight shine on them only when they’re on stage with a mic. I had professors that challenged me and believed in me – and some that really didn’t, and I’ll remember them both. But, even though I came here for them, this isn’t about them.

This is about me.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Live Picks: 9/21

Graham Coxon; Photo by Denholm Hewlett

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Two of the best indie rock bands of the 2000′s. A legendary guitarist. A stand-up comedian. A dance god.

Graham Coxon, Park West

The Blur guitarist/founding member has embarked on a number of one-man shows to celebrate his 20 years of releasing solo albums as well as the release of his soundtrack to the Netflix series The End of the F***ing World. Before the soundtrack, his last record was 2012′s A+E. (In this writer’s opinion, his best solo effort is 2006′s punky Love Travels at Illegal Speeds.) Let’s hope there’s some new music in the pipeline. For now, check out his show. You might even hear a couple Blur tracks.

Robbie Skye opens.

Hercules and Love Affair, Bottom Lounge

It’s been 10 years since Hercules and Love Affair released their self-titled debut album and disco opus, one that featured instant classic dance tracks like the Anohni-featuring “Blind” and Chicago house smash “You Belong”. After releasing a string of middling records, the band returned last year with the very good Omnion, which showcased the vocals of Sharon Van Etten and The Horrors’ Faris Badwan. Tonight at Bottom Lounge, they should perform their beloved tracks and their new ones.

Chicago dance duo Redux opens.

Maz Jobrani, North Shore Center for the Performing Arts

The Better Off Ted star gives a set tonight in Skokie, having gained popularity as a stand-up comedian in today’s political climate with the Netflix special Immigrant. 

The Hold Steady, Empty Bottle

Before their set at the Goose Island 312 Block Party tomorrow, the world’s smartest bar band gives a show at Empty Bottle. While the band’s last couple albums have not matched the urgency and lyrical dexterousness of their first four, they’re still a live force. Since 2014′s Teeth Dreams, the Hold Steady have released four new singles, a couple of which you should hear over the next couple days. Mostly, though, the band’s been playing older material, which is good news for those who have been fans since the beginning, a bit disillusioned with the band’s newer material. Plus, they’ve got Franz Nicolay back!

Jay Gonzalez of Drive-By Truckers opens, playing AM Gold hits and one-hit wonders from the 60′s and 70′s.

TV on the Radio, Goose Island Beer Company

TV on the Radio headlines the first night of the Goose Island 312 block party (we last covered the party in 2015). Like The Hold Steady, the band hasn’t released an album since 2014. Unlike The Hold Steady, they haven’t released any new material since then, but they did last night perform arguably their best album, 2008′s Dear Science, in full to celebrate its 10-year anniversary. The album is more relevant than ever. Who knows what they’ve got in store tonight.

New York rockers Sunflower Bean, rappers Mick Jenkins, Ric Wilson, and Glitter Moneyyy, and Chicago post-punk band Deeper open.

[botherkupo]

7 days of lovesquare (day 2)

As i've explained, the 7 days of lovesquare is a wee thank you to those who wish to support me during this difficult time. Find out how you can help here

(Day 2 is a two-parter, so look out for the next chapter tomorrow)

Keeping in Character

ao3

“Ladybug, you know this is the best chance we have,” Chat Noir said, catching her hand before she could swing away on her yoyo.

“I am not going to be your fiancée.”

“It’s not like it would be for real. We just have to pretend to be a couple for one night.”

She folded her arms. “If it’s about pretending, why don’t I just be your sister?”

“Sister?” Horror flashed across his face, as if she’d just suggested that he eat a whole bucket of raw button mushrooms. (He really hated mushrooms.)

“What’s wrong?” she asked, raising her eyebrow. “Don’t you want to be my brother for a night?”

His left eye twitched. “You’re not serious, right?”

“Why not? You said you could get an invite to the party, and all I have to be is your plus one.”

“Yeah, but—”

She leaned forward, putting her face close to his. “I thought you said your acting skills were ameowzing.”

He let out a strained laugh. “They are. They definitely are, but siblings? Don’t you think that’s a bit of a stretch? We don’t even look alike.”

“And we don’t look like a couple either.”

She turned to leave, smug that she had settled the matter, but he planted himself in front of her and held his arms out to block her path.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said. “Let’s just think logically about this.”

“You mean logical like pretending to be a couple so we can sneak into an invitation-only party?” She snorted. “I think you’ve been watching too many romcoms. There’s no need to go through all of this trouble.”

He straightened his shoulders, raising his chin in challenge. “So you’re just going to let the miraculous be auctioned off? What if it falls into the wrong hands? What if Hawk Moth already knows about it and plans to buy it at the party?”

Now it was her eye’s turn to twitch.

“Contrary to what you think, Ladybug, I wouldn’t suggest doing this if I thought there was a better option, but there really isn’t. If we steal the miraculous before the auction, we’ll only complicate matters more. The police will likely get involved and it’ll be a huge risk just to break inside his house. A rich guy like that is bound to have impressive security.”

She bit her lip and lowered her gaze, knowing that he was right.

“That’s why we need to go as guests to the party. Everyone is going to be masked, so we don’t need to worry about our faces being exposed, and no one will think twice about a young couple attending such an event. It’s a good way to show off your status and make connections, and it will make more sense for me to buy an expensive brooch for my fiancée rather than my sister, don’t you think?”

She scrunched her nose. “Hate to burst your bubble, but how do you plan to win the brooch? If the party is going to be as fancy as you say, I doubt it’s gonna go for a few euros.”

“You don’t need to worry about that.”  

“But—”

He gripped her shoulders, his lips curving into a warm smile. “Just trust me, okay? I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly.”

Heat grazed her cheeks. Damn it. This was why she didn’t want to pretend to be his fiancée. During the seven years that they’d been partners, she had become painfully aware of two things: Hawk Moth was like a persistent cockroach that refused to give up, and Chat Noir had only become more and more attractive.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” she grumbled, looking the other way. “Just because our faces will be covered doesn’t mean our civilian identities will be safe. We won’t even be suited up.”

“That’s what fake identities are for.”

She blinked. “What? How are—”

“Like I said, just leave it all to me. I’ve got everything covered.”

oOo

Marinette swung onto the balcony for room 312 and attached her yoyo to her hip. “Why did he want to meet at a hotel?” she muttered.

The curtains parted and a hand latched onto her wrist and dragged her inside the hotel room. “Good, you’re here,” Chat Noir said.

She blinked. No cat ears. No shiny bell. He wore a black three-piece suit that she could tell at a glance was made of the finest material and had been tailored specifically for him. No off-the-rack suit could achieve that perfect balance of showing that, yes, he did have a slender build, but he also worked out and he certainly didn’t have to wear some tacky tight thing to show it.

And then there was his hair. She was used to the blond scruffy mop that hid his ears and forehead, but now his hair was black, almost reached his shoulders, and had been styled in a way that seemed to exude confidence without trying—not too messy, not too neat. It was as if he didn’t need to worry about trends, because he knew that he would be the one setting them. Even the black domino mask that hid most of his face seemed like it was about to become the next fashion hit rather than a party gimmick.

“Ladybug?”

She closed her mouth, only realising now that she had been gaping. Idiot. She really needed to get a grip. Just because Chat Noir looked hot in a suit did not mean that she had to lose all pride and drool over him.

“I didn’t know you had black hair,” she blurted.

He laughed. “I don’t. I’m wearing a wig. Didn’t want to risk the chance of someone recognising me.”

“Trust me, no one would think you’re Chat Noir with the way you look now, even without a wig.”

He seemed like a different person, as if he was born to wear fancy suits and look pretty doing it, although his eyes were the same. Maybe not the same shade of green, but the familiar warmth and hint of playfulness were there. It was oddly reassuring. This handsome stranger was still Chat Noir.

He rubbed the base of his neck, a rueful smile tugging at his lips. “Um, yeah. It’s not really my superhero identity I’m worried about.”

Wait, was he suggesting that someone at this party might know him?

“Are you two just going to stand there all night?” Plagg said, sprawled on the mini fridge and consuming giant mouthfuls of cheese. “Time is ticking.”

“Right,” Chat Noir said, and suddenly flashed her an unnerving grin. “You should go get ready.”

“Huh?”

“I said I had your outfit covered, right?” He grabbed her shoulders and steered her towards the bedroom. “Everything you need is in there.”

“But—”

“Let me know if you need help.”

The door was shut on her face, leaving her alone in the bedroom. “What is with him?” she muttered.

Then she saw the dresses that had been set out for her on a rack and her jaw dropped for the second time that day. Maybe he really had been watching too many romcoms, because this was just crazy. The dresses were all high brand—the kind she could only hope to admire through windows—and came in two sizes to ensure they fit her perfectly. There were also shoes to go with them.

“What the heck, Chat Noir?” she exclaimed. “Did you rob a bank or something? Where did you get all this?”

His laughter bubbled free from behind the closed door. “Don’t worry about it. Just pick something.”

She ran her fingers over the dresses, eventually settling on a one-shoulder asymmetrical dress made from champagne silk and black chiffon. A black domino mask completed the outfit, along with black heels. He’d even provided a whole case of makeup for her and a nice perfume.

“Seriously,” she muttered as she applied her makeup, “don’t you think this is weird, Tikki? A normal guy wouldn’t be able to prepare all of this. I mean, a month’s paycheque would barely pay for two of these dresses.”

Tikki’s eyes twinkled. “Is it really so surprising? He was able to get invitations for both of you to an exclusive party, after all.”

“I suppose …”

He hadn’t told her how he’d managed it, but she was beginning to have her suspicions. Chat Noir either had very good connections or he was totally loaded. And, it seemed, he wasn’t afraid to do whatever it took to make sure they looked the part for tonight’s mission.

Perhaps that should have prepared her for what happened next, but she still found herself staring slack-jawed at the engagement ring that he held out to her: rose gold braided with pavé diamonds to form an elegant halo around the larger diamond at the centre.

“Please don’t tell me those are real diamonds,” she said faintly.

“Why wouldn’t they be real?”

She latched onto his suit lapels, practically shaking him. “Are you insane?” she hissed. “Why would you—you can’t give me something like this to wear!”

“Did you forget?” He carefully removed her hands from his suit. “You’re supposed to be my fiancée. It would be weird if you weren’t wearing an engagement ring.”

He said it as if it was such a reasonable, logical thing. Maybe that was why she was too stunned to do anything but stare as he slipped the ring on her finger.

“It suits you,” he said.

Her gaze darted to his face and her eyes narrowed. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

His expression was the picture of innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just wanted us to look the part and—”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not buying it.” She poked him in the chest. “Just remember this isn’t one of your cheesy romcoms. What we’re doing tonight is purely for work, nothing more.”

He leaned down, suddenly too close. “Are you sure it’s not you who’s getting confused, my lady? Could it be that you’ve always dreamed of becoming Mrs Chat Noir?”

Her heart tripped into a faster beat. Oh no. No way, nu-uh, her heart did not just do that. Except his cologne flooded her senses, warm and inviting, and his smile was a teasing caress. Her traitor heart thumped even faster.

She pushed him away with a forced laugh, averting her face so that he couldn’t see her blush. “Don’t flatter yourself, kitty. If I was to dream of us being married, it would be a nightmare.”

He grinned. “If you say so.”

Before she could think of a witty retort, he transformed into the Chat Noir she was used to seeing—cat ears poking through scruffy blond hair—and offered his arm to her like a proper gentleman.

“Well then, my darling fake fiancée,” he said, “shall we get this show rolling and go win a miraculous?”

Her lips twitched despite her best efforts not to mirror his smile, and she transformed and linked arms with him. “Lead the way.”

[angelhummel]

once again i spent hours of my life answering >5000 questions in order to sort almost all of the glee songs ever (there’s 683 songs in the sorter when there’s over 700 on the show) anyway if you wanna see my rankings for those then check it out <3 [also here’s the sorter!]

1 Being Alive 2 Rose's Turn 3 Baby, It's Cold Outside 4 Le Jazz Hot 5 Maybe This Time 6 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going 7 Come What May 8 To Sir, With Love 9 As If We Never Said Goodbye 10 Valerie 11 Somewhere Only We Know 12 Cough Syrup 13 Teenage Dream 14 Not The Boy Next Door 15 It's Too Late 16 It's My Life / Confessions Part II 17 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer 18 When I Get You Alone 19 The Happening 20 The Boy Is Mine 21 Home 22 Don't You Want Me 23 How Will I Know 24 Bad Romance 25 Not While I'm Around 26 Scream 27 Shake It Out 28 On My Own 29 Hate On Me 30 Bills, Bills, Bills 31 4 Minutes 32 True Colors 33 There Are Worse Things I Could Do 34 Go Your Own Way 35 Jessie's Girl 36 Proud Mary 37 Tongue Tied 38 Last Christmas 39 Somebody Loves You 40 Back To Black 41 Sweet Transvestite 42 For Good 43 At The Ballet 44 Gloria 45 Blame It (On The Alcohol) 46 Like A Prayer 47 So Emotional 48 Misery 49 Nasty / Rhythm Nation 50 Toxic 51 Don't Speak 52 Born This Way 53 Dog Days Are Over 54 Defying Gravity 55 Last Name 56 Womanizer 57 I Will Always Love You 58 Broadway Baby 59 The Lady Is A Tramp 60 I'm A Slave 4 U 61 Centerfold / Hot In Herre 62 Thriller / Heads Will Roll 63 Bust Your Windows 64 Candyman 65 Brave 66 Boys / Boyfriend 67 The Scientist 68 The Scientist (Acapella) 69 Dream On 70 Hey Jude 71 I Lived 72 I'm Still Here 73 I Believe In A Thing Called Love 74 Me Against The Music 75 Like A Virgin 76 My Man 77 Everybody Wants To Rule The World 78 I Have Nothing 79 Blackbird 80 Got To Get You Into My Life 81 Animal 82 3 83 I Follow Rivers 84 Just The Way You Are 85 Constant Craving 86 Don't Stop Me Now 87 Hung Up 88 Let's Have A Kiki 89 Love Shack 90 Marry The Night 91 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another 92 It's Not Right, But It's Okay 93 I Want To Hold Your Hand 94 All You Need Is Love 95 Getting Married Today 96 Don't Rain On My Parade 97 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals) 98 We've Got Tonite 99 Smooth Criminal 100 Uptown Girl 101 Sway 102 If I Die Young 103 No One Is Alone 104 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee 105 No Scrubs 106 Mamma Mia 107 Papa Don't Preach 108 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version) 109 Santa Baby 110 We Found Love 111 Roar 112 She's Not There 113 Spotlight 114 The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile 115 Some Nights 116 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You 117 You Make Me Feel So Young 118 You Keep Me Hangin' On 119 I'll Stand By You (Amber) 120 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move 121 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy 122 Funny Girl 123 Cold Hearted 124 Keep Holding On 125 Bye Bye Bye / I Want It That Way 126 I Know Where I've Been 127 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 128 Hopelessly Devoted To You 129 Homeward Bound / Home 130 Into The Groove 131 Hold On 132 Tell Him 133 Nutbush City Limits 134 Because You Loved Me 135 Perfect 136 Cherish / Cherish 137 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) 138 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 139 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life 140 Tik Tok 141 The Safety Dance 142 Oops!... I Did It Again 143 Run Joey Run 144 Time Warp 145 Something's Coming 146 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go 147 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 148 Vogue 149 Downtown 150 Diva 151 Dancing With Myself 152 Rockstar 153 Wrecking Ball 154 We Are Young 155 I Saw Her Standing There 156 Jumpin', Jumpin' 157 Just Can't Get Enough 158 Take Me To Church 159 Wannabe 160 It's All Over 161 Take Me Home Tonight 162 If I Were A Boy 163 Landslide 164 Pompeii 165 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 166 Christmas Wrapping 167 Buenos Aires 168 Call Me Maybe 169 You Can't Stop The Beat 170 Seasons Of Love 171 Safety Dance 172 Dream A Little Dream 173 Alfie 174 I Want To Break Free 175 Baby One More Time 176 A House Is Not A Home 177 Daydream Believer 178 I Don't Know How To Love Him 179 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio 180 Suddenly Seymour 181 People 182 Silly Love Songs 183 Love Song 184 Shout It Out Loud 185 Some People 186 One Of Us 187 Sing! 188 Up Up Up 189 Torn 190 Popular 191 This Is The New Year 192 Paradise By The Dashboard Light 193 Let It Snow 194 Let It Be 195 Never Can Say Goodbye 196 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me 197 La Isla Bonita 198 Tightrope 199 My Love Is Your Love 200 Love Is A Battlefield 201 Losing My Religion 202 Total Eclipse Of The Heart 203 This Time 204 I Dreamed A Dream 205 Leaving On A Jet Plane 206 Locked Out Of Heaven 207 Chandelier 208 Girl On Fire 209 Telephone 210 Don't Cry For Me Argentina 211 Human Nature 212 Halo / Walking On Sunshine 213 Anything Goes / Anything You Can Do 214 Make You Feel My Love 215 Stronger 216 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 216 Pumpin' Blood 218 Papa Can You Hear Me? 219 Summer Nights 220 Sweet Caroline 221 Superstition 222 We Will Rock You 223 Alone 224 Hello, I Love You 225 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now) 226 A Hard Day's Night 227 Mine 228 My Prerogative 229 Beauty School Drop Out 230 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) 231 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 232 Every Breath You Take 233 Express Yourself 234 Everybody Talks 235 Everytime 236 Marry You 237 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash 238 My Favorite Things 239 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 240 River Deep, Mountain High 241 My Life Would Suck Without You 242 Be Okay 243 Applause 244 Cool 245 All I Want For Christmas Is You 246 American Boy 247 Cell Block Tango 248 Breakaway 249 Don't Dream It's Over 250 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself) 251 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? 252 Without You 253 Science Fiction Double Feature 254 Loser Like Me 255 I Kissed A Girl 256 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You 257 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams 258 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 259 Empire State Of Mind 260 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone 261 Take My Breath Away 262 You Get What You Give 263 Take On Me 264 Beautiful 265 It's Time 266 ABC 267 Afternoon Delight 268 Don't Stand So Close To Me / Young Girl 269 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1) 270 Colorblind 271 Cool Kids 272 Dancing Queen 273 Songbird 274 Somebody That I Used To Know 275 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella 276 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty 277 Borderline / Open Your Heart 278 In My Life 279 I'm Still Standing 280 Blow Me (One Last Kiss) 281 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? 282 Do They Know It's Christmas? 283 Mustang Sally 284 Pinball Wizard 285 Anything Could Happen 286 America 287 Any Way You Want It 288 Higher Ground 289 Flashdance... What A Feeling 290 My Life 291 Let It Go 292 If I Can't Have You 293 L-O-V-E 294 Closer 295 Addicted To Love 296 Heroes 297 A Boy Like That 298 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl 299 Holding Out For A Hero 300 Dinosaur 301 Disco Inferno 302 Party All The Time 303 Raise Your Glass 304 Push It 305 Lean On Me 306 Pure Imagination 307 Lovefool 308 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 309 Americano / Dance Again 310 All Of Me 311 At Last 312 Promises, Promises 313 Hair / Crazy In Love 314 Happy Xmas (War Is Over) 315 Chasing Pavements 316 Don't You (Forget About Me) 317 Love Child 318 School's Out 319 Poker Face 320 Boogie Shoes 321 Bootylicious 322 I Love New York / New York, New York 323 One Less Bell To Answer 324 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours 325 Rehab 326 I Don't Want To Know 327 Shout 328 I'm The Greatest Star 329 I Love It 330 Never Say Never 331 Juke Box Hero 332 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer 333 Glad You Came 334 For Once In My Life 335 Here Comes The Sun 336 Baby It's You 337 Drive My Car 338 Last Friday Night 339 Roots Before Branches 340 The Only Exception 341 Survivor / I Will Survive 342 All Or Nothing 343 Time After Time 344 You're The One That I Want 345 Yeah! 346 Starships 347 You've Got To Hide Your Love Away 348 Story Of My Life 349 Something 350 We Need A Little Christmas 351 Gold Digger 352 Beth 353 Fighter 354 Forget You 355 How To Be A Heartbreaker 356 Get Back 357 Love You Like A Love Song 358 There's A Light (Over At The Frankenstein Place) 359 We Got The Beat 360 Make 'Em Laugh 361 Sing 362 U Can't Touch This 363 Try A Little Tenderness 364 Pony 365 On Our Way 366 Lucky Star 367 Loser 368 Over The Rainbow 369 Outcast 370 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind 371 What Makes You Beautiful 372 Will You Love Me Tomorrow / Head Over Feet 373 Wide Awake 374 Wishin' And Hoping 375 Yesterday 376 Out Here On My Own 377 You're All The World To Me 378 Somethin' Stupid 379 Someday We'll Be Together 380 River 381 The Longest Time 382 Somebody To Love 383 The Edge Of Glory 384 The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year 385 Lucky 386 Memory 387 Mary's Boy Child 388 Longest Time 389 My Dark Side 390 Taking Chances 391 The First Noël 392 Smile 393 Celebrity Skin 394 All That Jazz 395 A Thousand Years 396 Big Girls Don't Cry 397 Ain't No Way 398 Don't Sleep In The Subway 399 Doo Wop (That Thing) 400 Don't Stop 401 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 402 New York State Of Mind 403 Turning Tables 404 Vacation 405 Fire 406 Hold It Against Me 407 I've Gotta Be Me 408 Endless Love 409 Run The World (Girls) 410 Saving All My Love For You 411 Give Up The Funk 412 I Am Changing 413 I Melt With You 414 I Could Have Danced All Night 415 Fat Bottomed Girls 416 Hot For Teacher 417 Never Going Back Again 418 Imagine 419 Jolene 420 Arthur's Theme 421 Damn It, Janet 422 Control 423 Barracuda 424 Copacabana 425 Barely Breathing 426 I Look To You 427 Come Sail Away 428 Jump 429 Clarity 430 Friday I'm In Love 431 Jar Of Hearts 432 It's Not Unusual 433 Footloose 434 Here Comes Santa Claus 435 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy 436 Help! 437 Greased Lightning 438 Hell To The No 439 All Out Of Love 440 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman 441 Candles 442 All By Myself 443 Hello Goodbye 444 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 445 I Say A Little Prayer 446 It Must Have Been Love 447 Just Give Me A Reason 448 Come See About Me 449 Born To Hand Jive 450 I Want To Know What Love Is 451 I Wish 452 I'll Remember 453 Get It Right 454 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life 455 I'll Stand By You (Cory) 456 Forever Young 457 A Change Would Do You Good 458 Smile (Charlie Chaplin song) 459 Best Day Of My Life 460 An Innocent Man 461 Dreams 462 All About That Bass 463 Home (originally by Michael Bublé) 464 Black Or White 465 Baby 466 Bad 467 Problem 468 Oh Chanukah 469 What Kind Of Fool 470 Wings 471 You're My Best Friend 472 You're All I Need To Get By 473 White Christmas 474 Whenever I Call You Friend 475 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 476 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) 477 Wedding Bell Blues 478 More Than A Feeling 479 More Than A Woman 480 Our Day Will Come 481 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 482 Here's To Us 483 Honesty 484 Hall Of Fame 485 It's All Coming Back To Me Now 486 Teach Your Children 487 Night Fever 488 What The World Needs Now 489 Listen 490 Let Me Love You 491 Live While We're Young 492 Light Up The World 493 Trouty Mouth 494 Werewolves Of London 495 Kiss 496 Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 497 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 498 Mickey 499 Mean 500 Mercy 501 Merry Christmas Darling 502 Let's Wait Awhile 503 Man In The Mirror 504 Rather Be 505 Rise 506 Good Vibrations 507 Faithfully 508 Firework 509 How Deep Is Your Love 510 Fix You 511 Fire And Rain 512 Give Your Heart A Break 513 Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree 514 Little Girls 515 Cry 516 Bust A Move 517 Bridge Over Troubled Water 518 Bring Him Home 519 Cheek To Cheek 520 Break Free 521 As Long As You're There 522 Big Ass Heart 523 Bitch 524 Bamboleo / Hero 525 Away In A Manger 526 Deck The Rooftop 527 Christmas Eve With You 528 Angels We Have Heard On High 529 Creep 530 Crush 531 Make No Mistake, She's Mine 532 Lose My Breath 533 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise) 534 What I Did For Love 535 Wake Me Up 536 Thousand Miles 537 Take A Bow 538 Still Got Tonight 539 The Music Of The Night 540 Stereo Hearts 541 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) 542 Take Me Or Leave Me 543 I'm The Only One 544 Isn't She Lovely 545 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 546 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 547 Unchained Melody 548 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch 549 You Have More Friends Than You Know 550 You Should Be Dancing 551 I'm His Child 552 You Learn / You've Got A Friend 553 Somewhere 554 So Far Away 555 Uptown Funk 556 The Winner Takes It All 557 They Long To Be Close To You 558 Tonight 559 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 560 You May Be Right 561 To Love You More 562 Don't Wanna Lose You 563 Do You Hear What I Hear? 564 Ice Ice Baby 565 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 566 Don't Make Me Over 567 I Won't Give Up 568 I'll Be Home For Christmas 569 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For 570 I Still Believe / Super Bass 571 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) 572 I Want You Back 573 Father Figure 574 Everybody Hurts 574 Gangnam Style 576 We Are The Champions 577 Stayin' Alive 578 Superman 579 The Rose 580 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 581 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly 582 Gives You Hell 583 I Love L.A. 584 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 585 O Holy Night 586 Only The Good Die Young 587 One 588 Silent Night 589 Piano Man 590 Sexy And I Know It 591 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club Band 592 Pretending 593 Physical 594 Danny's Song 595 Stand 596 The Final Countdown 597 You Can't Always Get What You Want 598 You Are Woman, I Am Man 599 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 600 Your Song 601 Say 602 No Air 603 Need You Now 604 No Surrender 605 Piece Of My Heart 606 Thong Song 607 Blurred Lines 608 Another One Bites The Dust 609 I Was Here 610 Bella Notte 611 I Know What Boys Like 612 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 613 Glory Days 614 Friday 615 More Than Words 616 Waiting For A Girl Like You 617 Welcome Christmas 618 You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) 619 You Give Love A Bad Name 620 We Built This City 621 Whistle 622 Who Are You Now? 623 You And I / You And I 624 Take Care Of Yourself 625 Tell Me Something Good 626 The Rain In Spain 627 Can't Fight This Feeling 628 Jingle Bell Rock 629 In Your Eyes 630 Hello 631 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) 632 I Only Have Eyes For You 633 Jingle Bells 634 Joy To The World 635 I Wanna Sex You Up 636 Fight For Your Right (To Party) 637 Feliz Navidad 638 I'm So Excited 639 Uninvited 640 The Living Years 641 The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) 642 O Christmas Tree 643 One Love (People Get Ready) 644 Ohio 645 Only Child 646 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love 647 My Sharona 648 Dance The Night Away 649 Poison 650 My Cup 651 Not The End 652 What It Feels Like For A Girl 653 Listen To Your Heart 654 Little Drummer Boy 655 One Hand, One Heart 656 Bein' Green 657 Big Spender 658 Billionaire 659 Ben 660 Gimme More 661 Burning Up 662 Hey Ya! 663 Hey, Soul Sister 664 Baby Got Back 665 Blue Christmas 666 Bohemian Rhapsody 667 Far From Over 668 The Trolley Song 669 Starlight Express 670 Whip It 671 You're The Top 672 Red Solo Cup 673 Next To Me 674 Rolling In The Deep 675 Rainbow Connection 676 La Cucaracha 677 (You're) Having My Baby 678 A Little Less Conversation 679 Happy 680 Highway To Hell 681 Same Love 682 Rock Lobster 683 Girls Just Want To Have Fun

[thefinalcinderella]

I posted 274 times in 2021

244 posts created (89%)

30 posts reblogged (11%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 312 tags in 2021

#twisted wonderland - 121 posts

#kaze ga tsuyoku fuiteiru - 38 posts

#genshin impact - 35 posts

#kazetsuyo - 25 posts

#kazetsuyo translations - 25 posts

#run with the wind - 25 posts

#twisted wonderland spoilers - 20 posts

#jujutsu kaisen fanbook - 10 posts

#ask - 7 posts

#wandavision - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 79 characters

#my ability to digest long blocks of text has been spent on my 4 english classes

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

More thoughts

I think ep 5 is really where the hero-villain perspective flip thing shows. The plot reminds me of those movies where some ragtag underdog bunch is going up against an elite group in a talent show or something and the underdogs win with the power of friendship. Only instead of following the underdogs, we're following the elite group so we sympathize with their hard work and struggles to look perfect. So when people like Neige say they just wanted to make memories with their friends and get praised even when they mess up...I guess what i'm trying to say is that this really is a villain's story

116 notes • Posted 2021-01-12 18:40:57 GMT

#4

Azul bd personal story spoiler

- Azul's mom was the one who opened the family ristorante and it started from thw ground up; she's good at management and cooking

- Azul's stepdad is a lawyer; he was the one who mediated the divorce for azul's mom and bio dad; azul respects him a lot

- Azul's whole family are magicians, but his grandmother is especially good and would help out the neighbors

134 notes • Posted 2021-02-22 07:27:18 GMT

#3

Azul Birthday Personal Story

I want to know what happened with Azul’s mom and stepdad lol, sounds like a soap opera

> Happy birthday.

Azul: My my, thank you for taking the trouble to do this.

> How is the party?

Azul: I am enjoying it, thank you. This liveliness reminds me of my birthday parties back home.

> Are there also a lot of people at your parties back home?

Azul: Yes. My family runs a ristorante.

In the past, every year for my birthday, they would close the ristorante and my family and all the staff would celebrate it.

Gorgeous decorations and music…the piece de resistance is all my favorite dishes piled onto the ristorante’s largest table.

“Eat that too, eat this too…”

Thinking about it now, I would like to complain that they were overdoing it, but…

When I was a child, I innocently enjoyed it.

> What is your family like? Please tell us.

Azul: My mother runs the ristorante. In the beginning, it was a small establishment she started by herself…

But by the time I became aware of my surroundings, it was already the most famous ristorante in the Coral Sea, with a large number of staff.

She was already an excellent cook, but she also has a talent for management.

She is also very interested in Mostro Lounge. Isn’t friendly rivalry* between parent and child wonderful? (TN: This expression 切磋琢磨 can also mean working hard together.)

Next, about my stepfather… He’s my mother’s second husband, so we are not related by blood.

He is a lawyer, and he and my mother became acquainted when he was mediating her divorce. 

You never know what will happen in this world. 

He is normally a kind and honest man, but…He is cunning when it comes to his work! 

He taught me a lot about contracts and the law. He has a good relationship with my mother, and he is a stepfather I can respect. 

Lastly, my grandmother. My entire family are magicians, but her magic surpasses us all. 

She uses her magic to solve the troubles of her neighbors.

Yes…she is a compassionate person like me.

Everyone in my family has different personalities, but we all have our own talents—It truly is a family I can boast about.

> Please tell us what you are particular about in regards to Mostro Lounge.

Azul: Hmm, there are many things, but…if I’m forced to choose, I would say the tableware.

Flavor is not the only thing that is important for the quality of a dish, there is also appearance.

See the full post

175 notes • Posted 2021-02-23 04:26:01 GMT

#2

Malleus looks pretty good here

179 notes • Posted 2021-07-16 08:20:23 GMT

#1

Really hoping people don't delete their works with girl!mc or androgynous!mc bc of the manga...just think of it as a different continuity please...your mc is still valid within you...

378 notes • Posted 2021-03-17 15:35:20 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[valmerappreciationhours]

Room 313

Clenny Week Day 4--omg they were roommates

(read on ao3 here)

Clyde Donovan has been looking forward to meeting his college roommate for months. Unfortunately for him, Kenny McCormick isn't quite what he was expecting.

“You smell that? That’s the smell of new beginnings, my compatriots.”

               “Bold to say for s-someone who peaked in hh—hu—high school.”

               “Smells like manure and sweat.”

               Clyde stopped in his trek to turn and glare at his companions, varsity jacket-clad arms crossed. His height certainly wasn’t accomplishing any wonders in terms of intimidation. “You’re just grumpy since your boyfriend didn’t come with us.”

               Craig’s mouth remained set in a straight line, but a small crease formed between his brows. “I’m simply stating facts. And you didn’t say anything about Jimmy’s comment.”

               “Jimmy’s comment was funny.”

               “I aim to please.”

               As the group continued their teasing, a cold autumn breeze picked up, whisking a few leaves past the party. The spare bits of concrete that were visible under throngs of students were littered with empty chip bags and discarded cigarettes. Booths advertising various clubs and events were scattered throughout the square, with a couple of plain buildings filling the space beyond. The clatter of voices and the rustling of bodies generated a cacophony that was a chore to speak over, but the three had plenty of practice.

               “Who has the map? I’m r-ready to get out of this.” Jimmy had cut over to an empty area by a trash can and quickly readjusted his crutches.

               “I second that.” Craig swiftly unfolded the campus map from his jacket pocket. “We’re going to my residence hall first. Token’s waiting with Stripe in the car and I need to get her set up.”

               “Aw, Craig!” Clyde whined but sped up to keep up with the long strides. “You mean they’re not close?”

               “Did you not look at any of your papers?”

               The silence from Clyde was deafening.

               Jimmy laughed. “Nice to know Clyde’s still the same old guy ev-even at a b-b-bi- a big university.” It was not a big university. It may quality as big by some standards, or a university by others, but the community college was far from any Ivy League school. The minimal requirements and low fees were what made the school attractive more than anything else.

               “But I’ll be so quick! I just wanna meet my roommate and then I’ll be right back to help set up! I’ve been waiting forever for this.” Clyde’s excitement and fierce determination sparkled in his brown eyes, and Craig sighed.

               “Do you need the map?”

               “He needs the map,” Jimmy confirmed.

 Clyde raced across campus, dodging other new students and luggage. His backpack thumped uncomfortably against his back, but it was no match for the exhilaration of discovering who he was going to be rooming with. Hopefully someone cool who also loved football and parties! Maybe even a science nerd like Craig, who would be down with making miniature explosions in their dorm. Clyde nearly toppled two boys hefting a crate, and made hasty apology as he scrambled up the stairs. Third floor, room 310, 311, 312, yes, 313! The door was cracked, and Clyde thrust it open to finally reveal…

               An empty room.

               Wait, no, there was a ratty brown backpack on the floor. Clyde glanced around, searching for something, anything more. He couldn’t have run here just to beat seeing his roommate.

               The bunkbeds lacked any personal items, there were no posters, no pets. The beige walls and gray rug stared back, empty and unyielding. The desk, aside from coffee stains and indentations, bore no mark of human life. Clyde stood for a moment more, hoping for something before he left to go help his friends set up.

               His saving grace was an incomprehensible muffle from behind him.

               Clyde whipped around fast enough to produce a neck injury, and was met with an individual ingulfed by an orange coat covered in patches. His jeans were completely torn at the knees, showing off scrapes and bruises underneath. His shoes were unidentifiable simply by the sheer amount of duct tape holding them together. He stared, and the other stared back, blue eyes unblinking. Eventually the muffle sounded again, but now that Clyde was paying attention it sounded much more like “do you live here?”

               “Yeah, I live here.” Clyde flashed a smile, leaning against the doorframe. A surefire way to make a good impression, and if this orange blob was his roommate, he wanted to look like the coolest dude on the face of the Earth.

               The boy under the coat stuck out a hand, showing off fingerless gloves. Clyde took it, wondering if the gloves were a sign his roommate was chill or if he was a former homeless person. At any rate, his hands were clammy anyway.

               “Kenneth McCormick,” he introduced through a thick layer of fabric. “You want top or bottom?”

               Clyde let his hand keep shaking, but his cheeks reddened. “Clyde Donovan, and, uh, that’s pretty straightforward.”

               Kenneth put his hands back in the pockets of the orange monstrosity. “Well, we gotta figure it out before bed.”

               Oh, geez, that was straightforward! “Hey, man, you seem alright and all, and I’m sure you’re attractive under that hood, but…”

               One could practically see the pieces fit their way together in Kenneth’s mind, and his eyebrows shot up. He took a hand and pointed behind Clyde, who turned to see the bunk beds. Well, what did that have to do with---ohh. Oh.

               Clyde turned back in horror, cheeks surely flaming. His roommate’s eyes crinkled at the corners, alive with mirth. “Uh, why don’t you have first pick? My treat.” He quickly started moving around to the exit. “I actually gotta go help my friend set up, so, I’ll see you later, I guess.” Once out, Clyde forced a casual stroll down the hall until he couldn’t see his room anymore, then bolted.

               He was going to run to Craig’s room, and he was not going to cry all over his friends because he totally bombed his first impression. Jimmy would tell a joke and make everything better, and somehow Token would provide a solution that would make perfect sense and Clyde would wonder how he hadn’t thought of it. Yeah, it would work out. Just the thought of his friends lessened the burn in his face. It would probably be brushed off and forgotten by the time he returned.

               Kenneth McCormick had not forgotten. Clyde was sure of this when he headed back to the room, backpack and bags in tow, and his roommate leaned down from the top bunk. Instantly, those blue eyes crinkled. “I chose top,” he said through the coat, and Clyde wanted to scream.

                 “I’m doomed,” Clyde said into his mug.

               “You’re doomed,” Craig agreed, not batting an eye.

               “What is it this time?” Token didn’t look up from his place on the tablet screen. He may be miles away at a fancy university, but he wasn’t getting out of Those Guys hangouts that easily.

               Clyde laid his head on the wood grain of the coffee shop table. “My roommate.”

               “Shame.” Craig blew on the steam billowing off his mug. “My roommate is the coolest person in the world.”

               “I don’t m-mmm-mind my roommate either,” Jimmy added. “What’s the issue with yu-yours?”

               “The worst first impression in the world,” Clyde groaned, wallowing in misery. “And he’s never there so now the only thing he thinks of me is that I think about gay sex.”

               “So, he’s p-pretty much got it.”

               Craig snorted into his tea and even Token howled with laughter through the speaker, Jimmy beaming with pride. Clyde huffed, and Jimmy reached out to poke his cheek.

               “Hey, it’s n-n-not a big deal. Do you really wanna be bent on the op-o-opinn-opinion of someone whose name is Kenneth? Th-that’s a nerd name, Clyde.”

               That was it. The gamechanger. Clyde’s head snapped up. “You’re right! That is a nerd name!” Finally, it felt like things were starting to come together again, when Clyde’s face fell. “Oh no. I already gave him a nickname.” There went that sacred sliver of hope.

               “I thought you didn’t talk to him,” Token pointed out.

               Clyde leaned onto his hand. “I said he’s never there. We’ve talked and stuff.”

               “H-how cool was the nickname, th-though?”

               “I just shortened it to Kenny! I thought, hey, I don’t wanna be saying this long fancy name all the time!”

               “You gave him a nickname!” a new voice yelped, causing three of the four boys to jolt. “Oh god, you’re in it now, Clyde!” Tweek hovered above the table, a full coffee pot in one hand, a navy-blue teapot in the other. Despite the shouting and nervous energy radiating off of him, not a drop of liquid found its way onto the table or anyone’s clothes. After years, Tweek was bound to become an expert on handling drinks simultaneous to freaking out.

               On the screen, Token bowed his head solemnly. “The Tweek has spoken. You can’t come back from this.” Craig nodded as Tweek refilled the cups around the table.

               “C-come on, guys!" Jimmy tried, ever an optimist. “Clyde may have st-st-started out on his dumber foot—”

               “I’m gonna let you continue since you’re defending me.”

               “—b-but he can ssstill pull through!” Jimmy reached out to grab Clyde’s round cheeks. “Who could say no to this ch-charming face!”

               “Gah!”

               “Anyone with sense.”

               “Literally everyone I can think of.”

               “Hm.” Jimmy pulled his hands back and poured more sugar into his mug. “I’ve worked with w-worse audiences.”

               “So, you still have faith in me?” Clyde looked to his friend, brown eyes large and vulnerable. He was a drowning voyager, fighting for his life in the open sea, and Jimmy, his good friend Jimmy, was right there with a lifeboat.

               Jimmy averted his eyes and loudly sipped his coffee. Fake-Clyde was left to die in the cold water.

               The next time Clyde truly interacted with his roommate, it was just past two in the morning on a Saturday. The unlocking of the door roused him from a light sleep, in which he was doing a great job at crumpling his textbook pages. Clyde quickly shut the book and looked over to the other boy, expecting to find him drunk or maybe high. What Clyde did not expect was to see Kenny sporting an apron and black slacks, a to-go cup and battered paper in one hand. A scarf wrapped around his face, effectively blocking out wind, as well as Clyde from getting a look at his face.

When Kenny noticed that Clyde was awake, he lit up and quickly closed the distance, shutting the door with his hip. “Hey man, check this out.” Clyde was barely awake, mind still muddled from sleep, but his brain worked hard enough to understand the colorful paper Kenny sat in front of him. “Are you going?”

Clyde rubbed his eye, works still sticking to form. “Sure, I love a good party. Didn’t think you were a party guy.”

Kenny laughed, muffled. “That hurts, man. Why not?”

Clyde yawned, leaning back down to his homework. His words slurred with sleep. “You gotta name like Kenneth. Dassa nerd name.”

He vaguely registered the creak of the bunk as Kenny climbed up. “Hey, you gave me a nickname all on your own. That’s admitting that I’m cooler than my birth name.” The flop of fabric against mattress. “Go to that party with me, I’ll show you how cool I can be.”

Clyde mumbled into his book. “Bet.” If Kenny was still talking, he didn’t tune in, too busy getting drool all over his homework.

                 The closer time got to the awaited party, the more Clyde started hearing about it around campus. It became a hot topic in the halls and overtook class whisperings; what people were gonna wear, who they were going with, how crazy it was bound to be. Clyde was feeling like hot stuff for having already known about it (even if he needed the sight of the flyer to remind him), and all the buzz only made him more excited. This would mark his first real, off-the-chain college party. Quite possibly more important than first steps, if you asked him.

               Clyde’s pile of homework sat untouched on his bunk. Not today; there were more important things, like the crisp varsity jacket laying on the chair and money on the desk for a dinner of tacos before. He was working on the knots of his sneakers when the door banged open.

               “I’m just saying, laser eyes would just be a hazard to itself.” A boy with black hair followed Kenny into the room, still wrapped up in conversation. Clyde may have known next to nothing about the topic, but it sounded like a good one.

               Kenny swung around to face Clyde. “Hey, dude, this is Stan. He’s gonna be going with us since his one true super best friend left him for a fancy school.”

               “And there was no way I was going with Cartman.” Stan’s eyes were intense, practically radiating revulsion toward the Cartman fellow.

               “And there was no way he was going with Cartman,” Kenny agreed, nodding. While he set to work on his parka zippers, Clyde grinned over at the newcomer.

               “The more the merrier, man!”

               “I’m also bringing alcohol,” Stan mentioned, holding up the twelve pack he carried.

               Clyde glanced at the label and humbly dropped to a knee. “The good stuff! You’re a savior, Stan-the-man.”

               “Don’t bother,” Kenny’s muffle advised, “his heart already belongs to a faraway prince.” Clyde turned to respond, but was shocked by lack of the raggedy orange parka. Instead, Kenny was decked out in a marginally better-looking hoodie and a skirt over leggings. That was a surprise, but Clyde couldn’t say it didn’t look great on Kenny. Unfortunately, a surgeon’s mask successfully continued to hide his face, and Clyde couldn’t help from groaning.

               “Am I ever gonna see your face?”

               Kenny strode over and patted Clyde’s back. “I’m too cute; it’s for the good of humanity that I contain it.”

               “He gets sick easy,” Stan supplied from Kenny’s other side. Kenny punched him in the arm, and he glared back. “Dinner, first, right?”

               “Yeah!” Clyde punched a fist in the air. “Ya boy wants tacos!”

                 It was beautiful. So beautiful.

               Music thumped and blared out of the house, alight with strobes and the glowing cherries of cigarettes. People spilled out onto the street, most with drinks in hand. The only ones that looked like they weren’t having a good time were sitting against the side of the house, puffing on cigarette smoke. Clyde thought they looked just a bit menacing in all black with dark stares, but Kenny strode right up and held out a fist to the lone girl.

               “’Ey, Henri!” She huffed and bumped the offered fist. “Glad you could make it!”

               “Whatever.” She took another drag. “We’re just at this conformist party to prove a point that all this is still meaningless and doesn’t drive off the darkness.”

               Clyde grimaced. Geez, these guys hit heavy. Kenny just looked infinitely brighter next to them, with his vibrant orange hoodie and blond hair.

               To Clyde’s surprise, Kenny was agreeing with her. “I hear that,” he said, muffled, “but there’s nothing wrong with postponing inevitable darkness a while. Save me a smoke later?”

               If Clyde wasn’t mistaken, he just saw the girl’s black lips twitch upwards. “I won’t wait around.”

               Clyde looked at Stan for some clarification, mouth agape. Stan shrugged. “Goth kids, that’s Henrietta.” He pointed out the girl. “They’re a bunch of downers, but I’m pretty sure Kenny’s immune to everything the world’s got.”

               Kenny rejoined their trio and led the way in. If the excitement and energy were evident outside, it was even better in the house. Pounding bass, crowded halls, laughter and dancing and so many attractive people. Clyde was sure he’d died and gone to heaven. This was where he was meant to be, and Kenny’s side pushing up against him in the crowd just made it better.

               After a few drinks, the group lost Stan, but neither was too worried. “He’ll be passed out drunk somewhere,” Kenny claimed, and Clyde was too busy being distracted by the lure of beer pong.

               An hour in, Clyde had taken back every worry he ever had about his roommate. Kenny was lively and wild, contrary to the stick-in-the-mud nerd assumption. He couldn’t believe he ever thought he had to be concerned about interacting with his roommate; it was as easy as breathing. The two were hovering to the side of a dim room, taking a quick breather and clinking their red solo cups, when a girl caught Clyde’s eye.

               A goddess in red! The sun burned in jealously of the shine of her golden locks!

               Really, he recognized her from his English class, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still pretty.

“Go talk to her.” Kenny’s breath was hot on his neck in the crowded room, and it sent chills despite the heat.

               Clyde did not blush. He instead focused on making his way through the throngs of partygoers, dodging cups of unknown drinks and young adults grinding on each other. Finally, he stumbled through past a pair of girls, reaching his destination.

               “Hey, Clyde,” the girl drawled, pushing back a curl. Her lipstick gleamed blood-red.

               Clyde ran a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to make it look less frizzy and sweaty. “Hey, Bebe!” he half-yelled over the noise. “Having fun?”

               Bebe swirled her drink, smirking. “Yeah, but maybe not as much fun as you’ve been having with your friend over there.”

               Clyde turned his head to see where she was gesturing. Kenny was bathed in a faint blue light, forming a type of halo around windswept blond hair, making him look ethereal amidst the other party-goers. At some point in the night, his hoodie got unzipped, showing off a tank top that complimented his figure in comparison to all those baggy jackets. Kenny was talking with Stan again, who was looking pretty worse for wear. Well, less talking with, more talking to while supporting most of his weight. Kenny was saying something and nodding in Clyde’s direction.

               When they locked eyes, Kenny’s blue ones glittered. He winked. The simple action made something flutter in Clyde’s stomach. Maybe it was the alcohol.

               He turned back to Bebe. “He’s my roommate.”

               Clyde watched Bebe crane her neck to look at Kenny again, maybe noting how cheap his clothes looked. One of the girls that Clyde had pushed past leaned heavily on her friend, voice choked with the heavy emotion characteristic of drunk girls. “Oh my god, they were roommates!”

                 Clyde groaned, slamming his head down onto his jumble of papers.

               “Chemistry?” Kenny guessed, huddled with his own books on the top bunk.

               “Spanish,” Clyde corrected. “There’s so many words!” To rub salt into his struggle, Craig just had to be fluent. Not only did that make Clyde feel worse about his own inability, Craig was preoccupied with his physics project and had turned off all notifications. Help from the local genius was inaccessible. “You wouldn’t happen to be taking it, would you?”

               “Nah, I tested out.”

               Clyde swung around. “You know Spanish? Please help me!”

               Kenny peered down. “Not Spanish, I tested out of language with Mandarin.”

               That sent Clyde for a loop. “Mandarin?” Was that even one of the languages someone could take here? Not to mention the difficulty; English script was hard enough for Clyde to read without getting jumbled; he couldn’t wrap his head around understanding the strokes of Mandarin.

               Kenny flipped a page in his notebook. “I used to work at this local Chinese restaurant. I picked a lot up from the owner.” It was said completely nonchalant, as if he wasn’t talking about casually learning a second language.

               “Dude! Just like that?” The Spanish worksheets lay forgotten. Who would’ve guessed his roommate was so interesting? Maybe Clyde just wanted to avoid his homework, but learning more could totally be a valid excuse here.

               “Mhm.” Aside from the affirmation, Kenny was quiet on his bunk.

               “Could you say something in Mandarin?” Clyde prompted hopefully.

               Kenny thought for just a moment. “Tā mā de.”

               Clyde looked on, starry eyed. “So cool! What’s it mean?”

               Kenny scribbled some notes, but paused to glance back at his roommate. His eyes crunched in the way that meant he was smiling, and Clyde’s heart buzzed. “Fuck.”

               Clyde dissolved into laughter, and was quickly followed by Kenny. “I think I will start peppering that into my conversations starting today.” He picked up his abandoned pencil and flipped a Spanish worksheet over. “How do you say it again?”

                 Football practice may not rank as high as triple decker nachos on Clyde’s list of favorite things, but it was up there. The satisfying strain of muscle and delight of messing with his teammates outweighed the yelling of the coaches and the aches the next day by far. It was a time he actually enjoyed, that actually made sense instead of heavy bookwork, so of course the universe wouldn’t let him have it. Ten minutes in, the sky opened up, pouring rain so hard one couldn’t see past their own hand.

               Clyde trudged back to his dorm hall, squinting to see through the sheets of water crashing down. He wiped his soppy bangs from his face, but it did no good. His clothes were drenched and heavy, coupled with the weight of his sports bag of equipment. At least the dorm hall wasn’t too much farther. It was benevolent in its way of offering shelter from the storm, but cruel and unforgiving in its broken elevator sign.

               Clyde was resigned to heaving himself up the stairs, bag hitting every step behind him. A hot shower sounded so good right now. Or maybe lasagna. Or watching bad television in his soft and warm pajamas, snuggled up in blankets. Yeah, his night just got booked.

               He dug in his pocket for his room key, dreaming about the dollar store garlic bread he could cook up. His hand closed on nothing. Clyde switched to his other pocket, then his back pockets, jacket, and bag, growing more desperate with each pocket. Of course.

               Clyde let his weight drop, falling to the ground. Tears welled up in his eyes. He was tired, he was cold, he just wanted to go home! To top it off, Kenny had been talking about meeting up with his friend Eric, and the fact that the two might get arrested and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow morning.

               Fantastic.

               Clyde tried to ring out his clothes and leaned against the door. Maybe Kenny would get back early. He would love to see that scraggly hair and patched up jacket right now. Until then, well, no point in trying to get anything done.

                 Clyde was jolted out of his half-slumber by the door opening behind him, pushing his back. He looked over his shoulder to see an almost startled Kenny gazing down at him. Clyde quickly lept to his feet. “I thought you were still out.”

               Kenny opened the door further to let his roommate in. “Things went south,” he explained, but didn’t elaborate.

               Clyde pulled his heavy sports bag into the room. “Did you get rained out too?” Most of the water that clung to him had been left in the hall, but his clothes were still damp enough to be uncomfortable.

               Kenny threw himself back into the desk chair, which spun with his weight. “I got shot.”

               Clyde turned with a start, but Kenny looked fine. Clean clothes, smooth movements, a stunning lack of blood. He laughed. “That bad, huh?”

               Kenny’s eyes looked sunken and tired. Clyde quickly decided it didn’t suit him.

               “I’m gonna order a pizza. Proven to heal even the most gruesome wounds! What do you want on it?” He was too tired to make lasagna anyway.

               Kenny leaned back in his chair. “Everything in the store. I’m starving!”

               Clyde dug his phone out and dialed the nearest pizza delivery. His garlic bread was gonna knock Ken’s socks off.

               Nothing screamed procrastination quite like watching dumb shows. Clyde pulled his blanket closer and perused his Netflix options. It would be a good night for a comedy, relieve some stress of classes. The lamps were already turned off, the blue light of the laptop the main source of light in the room. The savory smell of noodles wafted in, and Clyde drooled. Oh yeah, it was all coming together.

               He turned to see his roommate heralding two cups of noodles. Faded pajama pants hung loose around Kenny’s thin frame, and a splash of broth had stained his shirt, which proudly proclaimed that he was the Denver spelling bee champion of 2005. The lighting made it just too difficult to get a good look at the bottom half of his face. Damn. Kenny set the two steaming cups of ramen on the table and crashed down onto the couch.

               “Spelling bee champion?” Clyde finally picked a series to play, and his attention was grabbed by the old tee, the colorful lettering standing out.

               Kenny picked up his noodles. “I stole it from Kyle,” he explained, twirling his chopsticks.

               They settled in, slurping on seasoned noodles and continuing the series started last week. It had plenty of action, but more importantly, it had comedy. There was something special about laughing with Kenny. He had a great laugh.

               Clyde shifted to lean against his friend’s arm. He was expecting maybe a sly comment or for Kenny to gently shove him off; he certainly was not expecting Kenny to take a sharp breath and stiffen. Clyde scrambled to move. “Fuck! Are you okay, dude?”

               Kenny rubbed his arm with his other hand, and Clyde barely hesitated to push up the sleeve and examine. Aside from a few scattered freckles, the skin there was smooth. “Just phantom pain,” Kenny explained. “I hurt it yesterday and I guess I’m still feeling it. Don’t worry about it.”

               Clyde could almost relate, but his sports injuries always left a mark a day later. “What’d you do?”

               Kenny looked like he was considering some options. “Nothing much,” he decided. Clyde frowned, brows furrowed, but Kenny’s face was bright when he looked back. “Don’t worry about it, happens all the time.” He readjusted and leaned back against Clyde. “I always bounce back.”

               With Kenny pressed against him, hot ramen on the table, and the next episode of their comedy beginning to play, Clyde wasn’t about to argue or probe for more information. He was content to just grab his cup of noodles and move closer to his friend’s side.

               “You’re a weirdo, Kenny.” Clyde clapped a hand on his shoulder. “But I’m gonna miss you.”

               Kenny’s eyes crinkled into a smile. “I’m gonna miss you too, you big dummy.”

               Ah shit. Tears started leaking out of Clyde’s doe eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He pulled Kenny into a hug. The shoulder of Kenny’s jacket was getting wet but Clyde didn’t notice. “I mean, you’re just so strange, man! I’ve never known anyone like you. My friend thinks you’re a demon.”

               “Is it the one that’s always hyped up on coffee?”

               “How’d you know?”

               “Lucky guess.” After a few more minutes, Kenny managed to extract himself and put his hands in his pockets. “You’ll see me next year.”

               No, that was way too long. Clyde pulled his phone from his pocket. “We could text over the summer! Maybe meet up?”

               Kenny’s blue eyes lost their shine. “I don’t have a phone. I’m gonna be staying with my brother a few towns over. Sorry, dude.”

               Clyde’s face fell, and he quickly wiped his eyes. “Alright. That’s cool. No worries, man.”

               “Don’t miss me too much!” Kenny put a hand on Clyde’s shoulder as a goodbye, but it was the wrong move, as it sent the other into another death-grip hug. It might be a while.

                 Summer felt like a trade of Kenny for Tweek and Token back in person, and it was seriously messing with Clyde’s emotions. He loved his friends, and seeing Craig happier was always a treat, but without Kenny, things felt duller. It might’ve been easier to mope and forget those bright eyes for a while if relationships weren’t such a hot topic of conversation.

               “Pretty fffunny that you w-worried all that much and all you did was fall in love with him.”

               Clyde floundered. “I did not fall in love with him!”

               Tweek pulled on his hair. “Gah! What if he infects you with alien spawn now that he’s gained your trust!”

               Token poked at his gelato. “I thought the theory was that he’s a demon?”

               Tweek set back to his espresso ice cream. “I’ve been workshopping it.”

               “Don’t make him show you the PowerPoint,” Craig added. “It’s full of spelling errors and he won’t let me fix it.”

               “You guys are the nerdiest couple I’ve ever seen,” Clyde said, annoyance temporarily forgotten over the pair, “and it’s so cute.” Craig flipped him off.

               “S-soon they will be b-b-balanced out by the unt-untamable party couple,” Jimmy snickered.

               “We’re not dating! I don’t even know if he likes boys,” Clyde defended. All the other parties present gave Clyde a long look. “What?”

               “Dude,” Token began. “Kenny likes boys.”

               “And girls. And an-anything that gives consent.”

               “WHAT?” Clyde dropped his ice cream. “How have you guys noticed and I haven’t? Token doesn’t even go to our school!”

               “Clyde,” Craig deadpanned. “He has a pride flag on his jacket.”

               “It was in the—ah! It was in the picture you showed us!”

               The boys all watched as Clyde tore out his phone and scrolled through his pictures until he reached the desired one. Sure enough, once he was looking, the pink, yellow, and blue patch was obvious. “Oh no,” Clyde whispered, horrified, “I’m an idiot.” He looked up just in time to see Tweek smack a hand against Craig, who had an amused look on his features. “But that doesn’t mean I like him!”

               “One thing at a time, buddy.”

               Clyde ripped open his dorm room door, excitement bringing him close to bursting. An agonizingly long summer, three long Kenny-less months. At last, on the other side of that door would be a gross old backpack and an orange parka and everything would fall back into place.

               “H-hey, Clyde!”

               Clyde stood in the doorway, staring blankly. Jimmy was on the bottom bunk, pulling notebooks out of his backpack. His smile was bright and wonderful as always, but that moment marked the only time it made Clyde feel worse.

               “Oh. Hey, Jim.”

               “You didn’t c-c-check anyone else’s room n-number,” Jimmy noted, unfazed.

               “Nope,” Clyde sighed. If you asked him a year ago, rooming with Jimmy would’ve been the dream, but now? He couldn’t imagine staying with anyone but Kenny McCormick.

               “N-no worries.” Jimmy grabbed his crutches, which were propped up against the wall. A confident smile played at his lips. “I know a v-vi-a visit with Cr-Craig will turn that f-frown upside down.”

Clyde didn’t believe it; Craig could be a sourpuss, and his general attitude was not likely to fix Clyde’s mood. Nevertheless, he was still a reliable friend. “CRAAAIIIG,” Clyde groaned, stepping into the dorm, hand over face. He didn’t bother trying to contain his distress. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Craig at his worst, anyway.

               “Nice to see you too, Clyde.”

               Hold up.

               Clyde uncovered an eye to see a mop of blond and a horrendously vibrant orange hoodie. “Kenny!” There was no hesitation in flinging his whole weight at the other, who nearly toppled over. He wrapped his arms tight, and Kenny shifted uncomfortably.

               “Might need some air here.”

               Clyde loosened his arms marginally, but pressed his face into the jacket. “I’m never letting go.”

               “Alright, but I don’t know the last time I washed this hoodie.”

               “Same goes for my shirt, man.”

               Jimmy and Craig each took a step away from the pair. Craig kept taking steps, out the door and down the hall.

               “Should I be worried?” Kenny asked into Clyde’s hair.

               “Nah, he’s gonna go do my laundry.”

               “How did you ever survive before you met him?”

               How did I ever survive without you, Clyde thought. Kenny was the sun, bright and wonderful, even if he didn’t know exactly how it functioned. If he could spend the rest of eternity here with Kenny, reckless, hardworking, witty Kenny, he would be happy. From where he was tucked, Clyde could easily peer over Kenny’s shoulder and get a good view of Jimmy. He was smirking at Clyde knowingly, the kind of look his friends always gave when it was proven that they were right.

               Oh.

               Dammit.

               The group chat chimed a dozen messages, mostly words of encouragement. Clyde puffed his chest and began striding over to his target. The device continued to chime, and it only served to boost his esteem. He positioned himself against a wall, propping himself up against it.

               When Kenny finally reached his point at the sidewalk, Clyde brushed his hair back and tried for an award-winning smile. “Hey, Ken, top or bottom?”

               Kenny was still sporting his work uniform, with the addition of his heavy parka. He looked at Clyde, and his blue eyes were heavy and tired. “We don’t bunk together anymore, Clyde.”

               Clyde only grinned back.

               Kenny’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck.”

               Clyde flashed a finger gun. “You and me, 7:00, sushi shop downtown?”

               Kenny made an “okay” sign with his hand. “Hell yeah! Wanna see if Jimmy and Craig are willing to switch roommates?”

               “They’ll do it, they’re great wingmen.” Clyde took Kenny’s hand in his own, confident.

               Who needed classes or sports or parties or graduation? Hands down, Clyde would say the best thing about college was his super cool, not nerdy, Mandarin-speaking, psych major, idiot roommate. All that other stuff was just extra, pushing him closer to where he needed to be.

               Maybe a class on mysterious boyfriend investigation would be beneficial, though.

[blackkudos]

Ralph Ellison

Ralph Waldo Ellison (March 1, 1913 – April 16, 1994) was an American novelist, literary critic, and scholar best known for his novel Invisible Man, which won the National Book Award in 1953. He also wrote Shadow and Act (1964), a collection of political, social and critical essays, and Going to the Territory (1986). For The New York Times, the best of these essays in addition to the novel put him "among the gods of America's literary Parnassus." A posthumous novel, Juneteenth, was published after being assembled from voluminous notes he left upon his death.

Early life

Ralph Waldo Ellison, named after Ralph Waldo Emerson, was born at 407 East First Street in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, to Lewis Alfred Ellison and Ida Millsap, on March 1, 1913. He was the second of three sons; firstborn Alfred died in infancy, and younger brother Herbert Maurice (or Millsap) was born in 1916. Lewis Alfred Ellison, a small-business owner and a construction foreman, died in 1916, after an operation to cure internal wounds suffered after shards from a 100-lb ice block penetrated his abdomen, when it was dropped while being loaded into a hopper. The elder Ellison loved literature, and doted on his children, Ralph discovering as an adult that his father had hoped he would grow up to be a poet.

In 1921, Ellison's mother and her children moved to Gary, Indiana, where she had a brother. According to Ellison, his mother felt that "my brother and I would have a better chance of reaching manhood if we grew up in the north." When she did not find a job and her brother lost his, the family returned to Oklahoma, where Ellison worked as a busboy, a shoeshine boy, hotel waiter, and a dentist's assistant. From the father of a neighborhood friend, he received free lessons for playing trumpet and alto saxophone, and would go on to become the school bandmaster.

Ida remarried three times after Lewis died. However, the family life was precarious, and Ralph worked various jobs during his youth and teens to assist with family support. While attending Douglass High School, he also found time to play on the school's football team. He graduated from high school in 1931. He worked for a year, and found the money to make a down payment on a trumpet, using it to play with local musicians, and to take further music lessons. At Douglass, he was influenced by principal Inman E. Page and his daughter, music teacher Zelia N. Breaux.

At Tuskegee Institute

Ellison applied twice for admission to Tuskegee Institute, the prestigious all-black university in Alabama founded by Booker T. Washington. He was finally admitted in 1933 for lack of a trumpet player in its orchestra. Ellison hopped freight trains to get to Alabama, and was soon to find out that the institution was no less class-conscious than white institutions generally were.

Ellison's outsider position at Tuskegee "sharpened his satirical lens," critic Hilton Als believes: "Standing apart from the university's air of sanctimonious Negritude enabled him to write about it." In passages of Invisible Man, "he looks back with scorn and despair on the snivelling ethos that ruled at Tuskegee."

Tuskegee's music department was perhaps the most renowned department at the school, headed by composer William L. Dawson. Ellison also was guided by the department's piano instructor, Hazel Harrison. While he studied music primarily in his classes, he spent his free time in the library with modernist classics. He cited reading T. S. Eliot's The Waste Land as a major awakening moment. In 1934, he began to work as a desk clerk at the university library, where he read James Joyce and Gertrude Stein. Librarian Walter Bowie Williams enthusiastically let Ellison share in his knowledge.

A major influence upon Ellison was English teacher Morteza Drezel Sprague, to whom Ellison later dedicated his essay collection Shadow and Act. He opened Ellison's eyes to "the possibilities of literature as a living art" and to "the glamour he would always associate with the literary life." Through Sprague Ellison became familiar with Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment and Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure, identifying with the "brilliant, tortured anti-heroes" of those works.

As a child, Ellison evidenced what would become a lifelong interest in audio technology, starting by taking apart and rebuilding radios, and later moved on to constructing and customizing elaborate hi-fi stereo systems as an adult. He discussed this passion in a December 1955 essay, "Living With Music," in High Fidelity magazine. Ellison scholar John S. Wright contends that this deftness with the ins-and-outs of electronic devices went on to inform Ellison's approach to writing and the novel form. Ellison remained at Tuskegee until 1936, and decided to leave before completing the requirements for a degree.

In New York

Desiring to study sculpture, he moved to New York City on 5 July 1936 and found lodging at a YMCA on 135th Street in Harlem, then "the culture capital of black America." He met Langston Hughes, "Harlem's unofficial diplomat" of the Depression era, and one—as one of the country's celebrity black authors—who could live from his writing. Hughes introduced him to the black literary establishment with Communist sympathies.

He met several artists who would influence his later life, including the artist Romare Bearden and the author Richard Wright (with whom he would have a long and complicated relationship). After Ellison wrote a book review for Wright, Wright encouraged him to write fiction as a career. His first published story was "Hymie's Bull," inspired by Ellison's 1933 hoboing on a train with his uncle to get to Tuskegee. From 1937 to 1944, Ellison had over 20 book reviews, as well as short stories and articles, published in magazines such as New Challenge and The New Masses.

Wright was then openly associated with the Communist Party, and Ellison was publishing and editing for communist publications, although his "affiliation was quieter," according to historian Carol Polsgrove in Divided Minds. Both Wright and Ellison lost their faith in the Communist Party during World War II, when they felt the party had betrayed African Americans and replaced Marxist class politics with social reformism. In a letter to Wright, dated August 18, 1945, Ellison poured out his anger with party leaders: "If they want to play ball with the bourgeoisie they needn't think they can get away with it. ... Maybe we can't smash the atom, but we can, with a few well chosen, well written words, smash all that crummy filth to hell." In the wake of this disillusion, Ellison began writing Invisible Man, a novel that was, in part, his response to the party's betrayal.

In 1938 Ellison met Rosa Araminta Poindexter, a woman two years his senior. They were married in late 1938. Rose was a stage actress, and continued her career after their marriage. In biographer Arnold Rampersad's assessment of Ellison's taste in women, he was searching for one "physically attractive and smart who would love, honor, and obey him--but not challenge his intellect." At first they lived at 312 West 122nd Street, Rose's apartment, but moved to 453 West 140th Street after her income shrank. In 1941 he briefly had an affair with Sanora Babb, which he confessed to his wife afterward, and in 1943 the marriage was over.

At the start of World War II, Ellison was classed 1A by the local Selective Service System, and thus eligible for the draft. However, he was not drafted. Toward the end of the war, he enlisted in the United States Merchant Marine. In 1946, he married Fanny McConnell, an accomplished person in her own right: a scholarship graduate of the University of Iowa who was a founder of the Negro People's Theater in Chicago and a writer for The Chicago Defender. She helped support Ellison financially while he wrote Invisible Man by working for American Medical Center for Burma Frontiers (the charity supporting Gordon S. Seagrave's medical missionary work). From 1947 to 1951, he earned some money writing book reviews but spent most of his time working on Invisible Man. Fanny also helped type Ellison's longhand text and assisted him in editing the typescript as it progressed.

Published in 1952, Invisible Man explores the theme of man's search for his identity and place in society, as seen from the perspective of the first-person narrator, an unnamed African American man in the New York City of the 1930s. In contrast to his contemporaries such as Richard Wright and James Baldwin, Ellison created characters that are dispassionate, educated, articulate, and self-aware. Through the protagonist, Ellison explores the contrasts between the Northern and Southern varieties of racism and their alienating effect. The narrator is "invisible" in a figurative sense, in that "people refuse to see" him, and also experiences a kind of dissociation. The novel also contains taboo issues such as incest and the controversial subject of communism.

Later years

In 1964, Ellison published Shadow and Act, a collection of essays, and began to teach at Bard College, Rutgers University and Yale University, while continuing to work on his novel. The following year, a Book Week poll of 200 critics, authors, and editors was released that proclaimed Invisible Man the most important novel since World War II.

In 1967, Ellison experienced a major house fire at his summer home in Plainfield, Massachusetts, in which he claimed more than 300 pages of his second novel manuscript were lost. A perfectionist regarding the art of the novel, Ellison had said in accepting his National Book Award for Invisible Man that he felt he had made "an attempt at a major novel" and, despite the award, he was unsatisfied with the book. Ellison ultimately wrote more than 2,000 pages of this second novel but never finished it.

Ellison died on April 16, 1994 of pancreatic cancer and was interred in a crypt at Trinity Church Cemetery in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Upper Manhattan.

Awards and recognition

Invisible Man won the 1953 US National Book Award for Fiction.

The award was his ticket into the American literary establishment. He eventually was admitted to the American Academy of Arts and Letters, received two President's Medals (from Lyndon Johnson and Ronald Reagan) and a State Medal from France. He was the first African-American admitted to the Century Association and was awarded an honorary Doctorate from Harvard University. Disillusioned by his experience with the Communist Party, he used his new fame to speak out for literature as a moral instrument. In 1955 he traveled to Europe, visiting and lecturing, settling for a time in Rome, where he wrote an essay that appeared in a 1957 Bantam anthology called A New Southern Harvest. Robert Penn Warren was in Rome during the same period, and the two writers became close friends. Later, Warren would interview Ellison about his thoughts on race, history, and the Civil Rights Movement for his book Who Speaks for the Negro? In 1958, Ellison returned to the United States to take a position teaching American and Russian literature at Bard College and to begin a second novel, Juneteenth. During the 1950s, he corresponded with his lifelong friend, the writer Albert Murray. In their letters they commented on the development of their careers, the Civil Rights Movement, and other common interests including jazz. Much of this material was published in the collection Trading Twelves (2000).

Writing essays about both the black experience and his love for jazz music, Ellison continued to receive major awards for his work. In 1969, he received the Presidential Medal of Freedom; the following year, he was made a Chevalier of the Ordre des Arts et des Lettres by France and became a permanent member of the faculty at New York University as the Albert Schweitzer Professor of Humanities, serving from 1970 to 1980.

In 1975, Ellison was elected to the American Academy of Arts and Letters, and his hometown of Oklahoma City honored him with the dedication of the Ralph Waldo Ellison Library. Continuing to teach, Ellison published mostly essays, and in 1984, he received the New York City College's Langston Hughes Medal. In 1985, he was awarded the National Medal of Arts. In 1986, his Going to the Territory was published; this is a collection of seventeen essays that included insight into southern novelist William Faulkner and Ellison's friend Richard Wright, as well as the music of Duke Ellington and the contributions of African Americans to America's national identity.

In 1992, Ellison was awarded a special achievement award from the Anisfield-Wolf Book Awards; his artistic achievements included work as a sculptor, musician, photographer, and college professor as well as his writing output. He taught at Bard College, Rutgers University, the University of Chicago, and New York University. Ellison was also a charter member of the Fellowship of Southern Writers.

Legacy and posthumous publications

After Ellison's death, more manuscripts were discovered in his home, resulting in the publication of Flying Home and Other Stories in 1996. In 1999 his second novel, Juneteenth, was published under the editorship of John F. Callahan, a professor at Lewis & Clark College and Ellison's literary executor. It was a 368-page condensation of more than 2000 pages written by Ellison over a period of 40 years. All the manuscripts of this incomplete novel were published collectively on January 26, 2010, by Modern Library, under the title Three Days Before the Shooting...

On February 18, 2014, the USPS issued a 91¢ stamp honoring Ralph Ellison in its Literary Arts series.

A park on 150th Street and Riverside Drive in Harlem (near 730 Riverside Drive, Ellison's principal residence from the early 1950s until his death) was dedicated to Ellison on May 1, 2003. In the park stands a 15 by 8-foot bronze slab with a "cut-out man figure" inspired by his book, "Invisible Man."

Bibliography

Invisible Man (Random House, 1952). ISBN 0-679-60139-2

Flying Home and Other Stories (Random House, 1996). ISBN 0-679-45704-6; includes the short story "A Party Down at the Square"

Juneteenth (Random House, 1999). ISBN 0-394-46457-5

Three Days Before the Shooting... (Modern Library, 2010). ISBN 978-0-375-75953-6

Essay collections

Shadow and Act (Random House, 1964). ISBN 0-679-76000-8

Going to the Territory (Random House, 1986). ISBN 0-394-54050-6

The Collected Essays of Ralph Ellison (Modern Library, 1995). ISBN 0-679-60176-7

Living with Music: Ralph Ellison's Jazz Writings (Modern Library, 2002). ISBN 0-375-76023-7

Letters

Trading Twelves: The Selected Letters of Ralph Ellison and Albert Murray (Modern Library, 2000). ISBN 0-375-50367-6

[roominthecastle]

Ok so since you’re a believer/supporter of Agnes Gate I have this question. Lizzy’s memories were wiped, but how do you explain Red? What does he know/suspect? How do you explain his behavior? Where does he stand in all this? Hope you got my point because I’m sick and I’ve lost my ability to think clearly and transform thoughts into words 🤒😂

*cracks knuckles*

Yes, you’re coming across clearly, anon, these are all valid points/questions, and I hope you’re feeling better.

Now “believer” is a strong word but I do believe there’s enough wiggle room in current show canon to accommodate this theory. In other words (bc I really don’t want anyone to misunderstand me here): there’s still enough story space for this idea to emerge but there is no direct, overt proof that it is there or that it will.

So consider what follows NOT a proof post but a simple, albeit long AF - thought experiment that presupposes two things:

Liz and Red slept together while on the run (canonically that’s the period when Agnes was conceived)

Liz’s memory of this has been either altered or removed by Dr. Krilov

Now, behavior was, in fact, the one thing that initially put me off this theory bc I didn’t think Red would be willing to just step aside if he suspected he might be the baby’s father. BUT the following seasons revealed a couple of good reasons why he would not speak up (Kirk and the never-ending list of other hostiles, Liz’s “I hate your guts” phase, Liz clinging to Tom, Liz’s selective memory - courtesy of Krilov, fake-DG & the issue of the suitcase, an illness).

They also continued to show just how apt both Red and Liz are to not deal with stuff that’s not an immediate threat (e.g. Liz’s ‘I love you’ which they both willingly continue to just not address), and the thing is: despite not contesting paternity in any overt way, Red never actually stepped aside.

I think this paternity issue and its various complications - from Red’s perspective - can be separated into 4 major time blocks:

S3B

S4

S5A

S5B–present

Even if there’s a reason for Red to think he might be Agnes’ father, I don’t believe he works off anything more than mild suspicions in the S3B–S5A period.

During this time, his relationship with Liz is rapidly unraveling and several other roadblocks and threats emerge that likely discourage him from openly broaching this issue. Then he gets to raise Agnes for 10 months, which provides the perfect opportunity to safely run a paternity test and maybe even another genetic screening (they made a point of telling us that baby Agnes was getting a standard one back in S3 + it was emphasized how having the correct info about her parents’ medical history is crucial for accurate testing - info Tom couldn’t provide). The beginning of Red’s collaboration with Dr. Stark roughly dates back to the time period when he had Agnes with him. If Red has a hereditary (late-onset) illness, he could have been driven to seek a cure once the tests confirmed his suspicions, and he’s now testing it on himself to make sure it works and is safe before giving it to Agnes.

IF.

– more on all this behind the cut – (apologies, mobile users)

- [ S3B ] -

Confirmation of the pregnancy is a wedge between Liz and Red, and it’s Red who screws up first when he rejects the baby right off the bat and tries to bury himself in work. It understandably hurts Liz and the tense tone of their interactions begins to snowball. The main issue concerning Red’s behavior in S3B, right after Liz tells him that she’s pregnant and he bounces back from his initial rejection, is that he becomes “suffocating” and more committed than ever to keep her and the baby in his orbit (which also alarms and later sets off Mr. Kaplan). Red has little sense of boundary, he starts isolating Liz, and he barely tolerates Tom’s presence. When he makes an effort to tolerate him, that’s bc he is trying his best to respect Liz’s choices/wishes (just like in “Ruin”) regardless of his own feelings, but it doesn’t prevent him from repeatedly trying to push Tom out of the picture. He saves him from going to prison but he still has a hard time dealing with Liz having a close relationship with him. This also echoes his original plans for Tom: being there for her but also keeping his distance. This, in turn, echoes his original “invisible benefactor” role he cast himself in (and both of them clearly crossed these lines as the years went by – more on this later).

Despite telling her that he’s known about the pregnancy for some time, Red does not act out until after Liz doesn’t deny that Tom is the father. Red knew about the pregnancy already, he had weeks to vent and get used to the idea, so his spiraling is kind of puzzling unless it’s not the pregnancy itself that sets him off. The only thing he wasn’t sure about was paternity (why?), so the only emotionally logical reason for his weird spiral is that part of him was still hoping that the baby was not Tom’s (tho, in theory, nobody else was in proximity other than the two of them + a more closer look at the timeline reveals that Tom was, in fact, nowhere near Liz when the baby was conceived).

But when Liz didn’t deny it, that’s when it became too much for Red: he didn’t want to have a child (for several reasons) but what he wanted even less was Tom to be confirmed as the father. Then his entire outlook on this subject changes by the end of the episode (after reminding himself how Katarina, too, dreaded having a baby but changed her mind completely). This also brings that Samar/Aram conversation to mind where she tells Aram how being around him changed her attitude towards having children, but now she cannot raise one bc of her condition.

But back to 312 and the “I’m pregnant” moment:

This whole conversation is just weird. Red is tense from the moment he sees Liz at the Post Office, then feeds her the answer to his own question, presenting it as a statement: “I assume Tom is the father.” Why not just give her the opportunity to name him? What this feels like is him giving her an out instead, and his closed-off, prickly, I-am-being-very-inconvenienced-by-this behavior (and Tom’s enthusiasm) is practically willing Liz to take it. And she hesitates for a moment, then instead of saying “yes” she just says, “I haven’t told him yet.” And this is where Red’s barely civil behavior veers into total assholery rejection, then he does a 180 at the end of the episode. By then Liz is sufficiently pissed off and is already pushing him away and sliding back into Tom’s arms. So in many ways ep 312 is where things truly turn and then get worse, and it all happens over Tom, essentially.

After this fallout, we get the episode where Red is thinking back to Josephine who was maneuvered into marrying an abusive scumbag for strategic reasons (as usual, we have parallels too). It was all arranged by a third party, which reminds me of Mr. Kaplan referring to Tom as her “confidant”, which makes me wonder about the extent of their off-screen interaction. Mr. Kaplan was doing everything to tear Red and Liz apart bc she saw that bond as fatal to both and a danger to the baby. Maybe she arranged that 2nd session w/ Krilov (who might have planted images that switched Red and Tom like he did w/ the fire memory where the roles were switched around), then she tipped Tom off, urging him to rekindle his relationship w/ Liz (his proposal was so out of the blue, I still don’t know what to do w/ that).

When Liz wants to give up the baby for adoption, she is told that she has to discuss this with the father, too, as his consent is also needed. Liz says the father is busy with work, then she has 0 conversation about this w/ Tom and goes to Red who, now being very pro having the baby, tries to talk her out of it. He also sabotages Tom’s teacher job and, at the same time, swoops in and presents Liz with a trust fund he set up for the baby, insisting that it’s for the child. As far as symbolic actions go, this one is screaming “I am the provider, not him”. And if it’s not clear enough, he also spells it out by telling her Tom’s not worthy of being her husband and of raising the baby. But it’s too late. Liz rejects him and clings to Tom. She even re-watches the video of Tom being interviewed as a potential adoptive father, which we saw in S1. Liz has been show to chat with potential adoptive parents, so her watching Tom’s adoption agency interview kinda makes it look like she picks Tom to “adopt” Agnes.

S3B is the time period when the threat from Kirk starts emerging. Mr. Kaplan also begins to view Red and Liz’s bond as sth to sever and Red himself as a threat to Agnes, saying that the baby hasn’t even been born yet but is “already paying the price for her association” with him. Then Liz kicks Red out when he asks to see the newborn baby, and soon after Liz’s “death”, Tom tells him that Agnes would only need protection if Red remained in her life. The three of them manage to gaslight Red to such an extent that he completely breaks down. He begins to contemplate ending it all and wanders around, cataloging the reasons.

And that episode-long contemplation is where we get to see (his version of) Katarina in this exact position, her pain at losing the man she loved at a time when there was so much anger and tension btw them, at not being able to raise her daughter, and all her reasoning for committing suicide (all paralleling Red’s). We can also glimpse Red’s innermost thoughts/feelings regarding Liz, Agnes, and Tom. He says “her mother is dead. All she has is the father.” Somehow he cannot bring himself to call Tom “her father” and this is reflected in future real-life interactions w/ Tom as well, when he switches between calling Agnes “Elizabeth’s child” and “your daughter” in his presence. Liz similarly switches btw calling Agnes “my” and “our” around Tom, and initially she refuses to refer to Agnes as anything but “my baby” even after Tom corrects her. It’s almost like both she and Red need some time to adjust. She does. Red? not so much.

Dom further adds to Red’s crushing guilt by reminding him how his choices doomed Liz like they doomed Katarina before. But then he also reminds him that he still has a reason to live as there are others out there who depend on him (“God help them.” - I LOVE Dom). So Red returns to make sure Agnes is safe and to exact vengeance for Liz’s death, two goals which are tied in his mind as he claims that the only way to protect Agnes is by killing Kirk who’s responsible for Liz’s death. He makes a deal with Tom: he lets him participate in the hunt in exchange for being allowed to spend time with Agnes. Again, this whole exchange has a vibe of negotiating visitation rights.

And Red’s interactions w/ Scottie give us a feel for why he will not argue much in the future when Liz decides to pick her to look after Agnes: Red calls Scottie “a brilliant strategist” who - despite Red’s visceral dislike of her - is a suitable “guard” as long as she believes Agnes to be her granddaughter. So not giving any reason to undermine that belief is in the little girl’s best interest (for now).

- [ S4 ] -

This is a period dedicatedto the overarching theme of “truth vs. appearances”, and we have afew interesting ideas and info snippets introduced that can help furtherexplain Red’s behavior if (he suspects that) Agnes is his.

First of all, we meet Kirkand gain some insight into the relationship dynamics of the past - dynamicswhich reflect those in the present.

Mirroring is a curiousfeature that’s utilized right at the beginning, in 401. It’s briefly touchedupon (here) but what makes the Red-Kirk-Liz scene especially interesting isthat the mirroring btw this exchange and the Red-Tom-Agnes one in “CapeMay” is not merely visual but also verbal, giving some weight to thesuspicion that they are linked by design. In both scenes we have the“designated dad” in a room with his daughter while the real father(Red is not Liz’s father but in 401 he “stands in” for real Reddington) is separated and looking in from the outside. On top of that, the dialogues are verysimilar, too:

Red (401): Are you okay? || Red (319): She’ll need protection.Kirk (401): Unlike you, I’d never hurt my own daughter. || Tom (319): Only ifyou are in her life.

And to push it even further,Kirk’s words (“What I desire is to raise my child. To watch hergrow.”) reflect Red’s innermost wish he voices in 319: “ I’d giveanything to be a part of that child’s life […] see her, hold her, watch hergrow.” And this also echoes Liz’s fantasy she shares with Red when theyare on the run. And Red’s retort to Kirk in 401 (“She was never yours toraise.”) also matches Red’s dance around the issue of Agnes’ paternity in319 where he refuses to directly call Tom her father, paralleling Katarina’s pain that she feels due to being separated from her daughter.

So I think what we can statewith certainty here is that there is confusion around paternity inboth scenes.

As the season unfolds, we dolearn that Kirk was a “cover dad”, designated as such by Katarina formultiple reasons (that happen to match Liz’s reasons for wanting to“escape” Red in S3 and be with Tom instead):

best chance at a normal life: Kirk did not work as an agent or any kind ofoperative, he had a (relatively) stable life in Russia. Katarina wasmarried to him and they lived together until real Reddington, believing Mashato be his daughter, took their daughter back to the US.

safety: asRed put it, “Your safety was guaranteed because Kirk believed you to behis daughter.” This belief was cemented in by a fake DNA report andentries in Katarina’s journal where she writes about their relief that Mashawon’t be exposed to the genetic illness that plagues Kirk’s family as it canonly be inherited by sons.

“no other path”: despite loving Reddington, Katarina accepted that she was never gonna endup with him. The circumstances were forever against them. This is why she began distancing herself from him and this is why she didn’t want to know ifhe was Masha’s father.

If Katarina had written apro/con list for her baby, I bet it would have looked a lot like the one Liz wrote, exceptit would have said “Kirk????” instead of “Tom????” But, as Redtold Liz, being Katarina’s husband didn’t make Kirk her father, which is apotentially relevant observation given how Liz kept trying to marry Tom at allcosts to force a “normal family” into existence that was never more than anillusion + how she was trying to distance herself from Red.

Those three main reasons abovealso provided the motivation for a cover-up that Kirk refused to acceptas the truth until multiple tests confirmed it when he fell ill and needed agenetic donation from a blood relative. As Red pointed out, “You saw whatKatarina wanted you to see.” This also echoes Mr. Kaplan’s words to Red atthe end of S3: “You saw what we needed you to see.” which might godeeper than “merely” faking Liz’s death and could be a hint at Kaplan’srole in arranging the 2nd memory manip session with Krilov.

In this season, Red alsostruggles with appearance vs. truth, with the cost/benefit ratio of deceptionsand false assumptions. This happens indirectly when he “auditions” hisnew cleaners in a pristine white apartment where one of his friends wasmurdered. He is both upset and marvels at how clean everything looks –“your cleaners removed even the memory of his blood”.

This practicality takes on asymbolic meaning as it carries over into Red’s relationship with Mr. Kaplanwhom he calls his confessor: “every trespass I committed, expunged.Cleansed as if it never happened.” Mr. Kaplan claims that Red betrayed Lizand held her “emotionally hostage”. These are rather extreme accusations… unless Red and Liz slept together while on the run and Redconfessed this to Mr. Kaplan. Now that act could be easily and understandablyconsidered trespassing by her, a crossing of a line that never should have beencrossed (= a betrayal). Red felt rage when he learned that Tom had become intimate with Liz. He considered this a betrayal, too, and Tom an immediate threat. He went about correcting the situation the same way Mr. Kaplan goes about correcting Red’s behavior in S3B-S4. Perhaps the trigger was the same type of trespassing too.

Mr. Kaplan makes it her mission to separate Liz and Red,and it all begins back in S3, around the time somebody hired Dr. Krilov to takecertain memories from Liz. Red is very close to directly confessing his feelings for Liz in 302. If he ended up confessing that he’s in love with her and they ended up in bed, that can be considered “a truth” about him that Liz uncovered – a truth that someone who doesn’t want them to be together would definitely object to.

Mr. Kaplan urges Liz to “do what yourmother never had the courage to do: walk away from Raymond.” IF Red and Liz slepttogether and Agnes was the result, then Dr. Krilov’s 2nd memory manipulationdid what Red’s cleaner(s) did in the white apartment: the “trespass” got “expunged”. Even the memory of it.Truth became elusive and assumptions took its place (like “I assume Tom is thefather.”).

Red is trying to complete a white puzzle in the white apartment,which takes on potential relevance after we can hear him compare memory toa jigsaw puzzle in 514. The possible relevance? Maybe he’s wondering (puzzled, if you will ;) why Lizacts as if nothing happened between them on the run, as if her memory of it were wiped clean. And while it is undoubtedly simpler and safer thisway, and it’s best to leave that topic alone, it is hard for him to accept, esp with Tomin the picture and taking on roles Red wishes to be able to fill, roles Liz now rejects him in.

In this episode we can also hear Gale make a pointed, suggestive remarkto Liz about her time with Red in S3A: “What was it like on the run withhim? Did he charm you?” And all this happens while Mr. Kaplan is hell-benton tearing Red and Liz apart for the sake of all of their safety, claiming thatRed’s presence in their lives is a threat to Agnes, Liz, and also to himself.

Memory manipulation - or the presence of holes in one’s memory - has itsown “footprint” in the show. It usually manifests as images drifting outof focus and echoing voices. There are two instances where this happens to Liz with no apparent reason. One is in 308 when she is in a gas stationbathroom - already pregnant - staring at her reflection in the dirty mirror. The other is in 317when Red marches towards her in the church, calling out her name and interrupting her and Tom’s wedding -both are situations where her baby’s father and her husband are likely on her mind. In317 she even connects the two by saying she wants to build a life with thefather of her child and Red keeps pleading with her to not marry Tom.

We are periodically reminded that Red is a Proust fan, and Proustjust happens to be the author of À la recherche du temps perdu (In Search of Lost Time) - a monumentalexploration of the various connections that web reality, perception, and memorytogether. The concept of involuntary memory originates from this novel series,and we can see this in action on The Blacklist, too, when Liz’sburied memory of the night of the fire gets triggered in 222. It’s also possible that she was close to being triggered in those twoscenes mentioned above, and maybe she won’t even need Krilov’s help in regaining the memories she’s lost the 2nd time as they could also be triggered unexpectedly by the smallest, most random thing - a smell, a taste, a voice, a gesture.

The white apartment incidentalso coincides with Liz, Agnes, and Tom moving to a new apartment. Redhas a hard time adjusting to this change, to no longer being able to see Agneswhenever he wants (and he was visiting her regularly while they were in his safe house, always showing up w/ the request to see her in particular), which brings the downside of deception into focus: separation. And Redstruggles with this despite understanding the safety that lies in it and inhiding truths - something Katarina knew a lot about, as well.

It’s not surprising that he soon starts musingabout the importance of truth (in 412):

“You said something before. The truth doesn’t matter, that the only thing in this world that matters is just the appearance of truth. I fear you might be right about that. Lately I find that the truth has become… so elusive. Often imaginary. But in the end, it’s all that we’re left with, isn’t it? What is real, what you can taste and touch and feel. The words that pass between us as we look each other in the eye are… all we have to hold on to. The truth. I hold it dear.”

then he proceeds to make a cuckoo clock forAgnes in the following episode (x, x). His first remark on how he is no longercomfortable with the idea of dying at any second also pops up in 412, and itgets reaffirmed in 415, in the same episode where the bad guy of the weekexpresses the same sentiment: his reason for clinging to his miserable life is fatherhood andhe wants a family even if he is barred from being physically present in their lives.

Red faces this issue, too. Tom remains Agnes’ (designated)dad and Liz’s husband while he is now kept away. He stillkeeps prodding that family unit, though, keeps teasing Tom about his pastand keeps involving him in missions to strip away his thin veneer of “normaland safe” to prove to Liz that she is mistaken about him. (sidenote: Tom also“takes over” the sentiment of Liz - and Agnes - being his future; thisis Red’s “thing”, has been since S1)

Meanwhile, Red keepsflip-flopping between accepting Mr. Kaplan’s accusations and rejecting them (“Maybe I am the person you need protection from.” vs “She was wrong to think Elizabeth and Agnes were safer without me in their lives.”). Hecannot seem to make up his mind as others join the chorus of blaming him forhow badly things turned out.

This is also the seasonwhere Red has an awkward and out-of-the-blue exchange with Cooper about thelatter’s sick daughter (414), and in another ep (404) - one featuring a parentand child sharing the same disorder - Red is asked point blank if he has achild with special needs but he doesn’t answer.

His personal struggle with appearancevs truth, however, is temporarily suspended when Liz blindsides him with the DNA test in 422. Despite his visible discomfort, Reddoesn’t correct Liz’s false assumption because it happens to provide theperfect cover he so desperately needs to find the skeleton Mr. Kaplan unearthed.But this strategic move comes with the price of having to keep his silenceabout Agnes for the foreseeable future. Thanks to Mr. Kaplan’s parting gift andCooper’s (accidental?) “antidote” of running that DNA test and providing cover, Red is now backed into a corner where the only way topreserve his secret is by not challenging appearances.

- [ S5A ] -

this block is nestledbetween two high-impact turning points: the DNA test and Tom’s death. The DNAtest locks Red into a false role, that of Liz’s father, which holds throughoutS5 and to a lesser extent in S6. The only reprieve is the 10-month period duringwhich he gets to take on the role of father in Agnes’ life (=inhabiting thetruth). Liz spends this time unconscious, which I find quite symbolic, as well (her being not conscious of his true role).

The DNA test is both a curseand a blessing. Red undoubtedly enjoys the sudden warming of his relationship with Lizbut he clearly does not enjoy her referring to him as “father”. Everytime it happens, we can see him wince, cringe, or glare in silence. But it happensto be the perfect cover for him to keep searching for the skeleton since it preventsLiz from asking the very questions he doesn’t want her to wonder about.

So Liz confrontinghim with the DNA test closes the window of opportunity Red still had in S3B andS4 to contest paternity. This turn of events also forces him to prioritizepreserving his secret over almost everything else (he is only ready to give it up when he thinks Liz’s life is at stake), so the struggle we can see him having in S4 - the onebtw appearances and the truth - promptly takes a back seat as keeping upappearances becomes the #1 strategic necessity.

That being said, Red still onlydoes the bare minimum (= not denying it outright) to play father to Liz. And this time block brings some interesting remarks about geneticsand secrets, which may have more significance than simply serving as empty redherrings until the impostor reveal hits at the end of the season.

Smokeydrops some comments about being “just like daddy” and having “noway to avoid the family curse” because “DNA is what it is.” Onthe surface this ties into the (beyond grating) tendency of some characters to blame-shiftand refuse to take any responsibility for their shitty life choices. But what makesthis exchange stand out is the wording “family curse” becauseKatarina uses a similar phrase (“this accursed disease that has afflicted his family for generations”) to describe Kirk’s condition.In 506, Tom also remarks to Red that “family secrets” always comeout. And now Red is sick and is in need of a pioneering geneticist’s help to find a cure. Somehow I don’t believe this is all just coincidence. + judging from those (brief) (glimpses) we get at Agnes, she is already a lot like her dad. ;)

Ep 504 in particularhas some curious details because they don’t line up with Red and Liz’s pretendrelationship but they do line up with the idea of Red having “a familycurse” that puts Agnes at risk. In this episode, asoldier gives up her child to get him out of harm’s way, but when the child presentswith an incurable disorder, she takes him from his adoptive parents, thencommits suicide to provide the donor heart needed to save his life. Witnessing this,Red remarks that “given the same circumstances, I’d like to think I’d beas brave as her. I know I’d wanna be.”

And then Tom dies, Liz endsup in a coma, and Red is left to take care of Agnes. If she is his, this 10-month period gives Red the perfect opportunity to finally confirm it and, asI mentioned above, have her tested for whatever disorder he knows he - and thus she too -carries. The timeline is always tricky on this show but by my rough estimateRed invested in Dr. Stark’s gene hacking research around the time he still had Agnes or not long after.

- [ S5B–present ] -

In this period, Red shouldalready have confirmation about paternity, about whether or not Agnes is atrisk, and Dr. Stark is already working on the cure for both. However, theskeleton and all the threats attached are still out there, circling them, and Liz is stillunder the impression that he is her father, which Red cannot push back againstif he is to keep his main secret secret.

We’ve seen how far he is willing to go tokeep his identity hidden, so letting Liz believe he is her father is really notall that out there for this guy. Only life-and-death situations can push him to reveal certain things, so it might be unruly genetics that will end up forcing his hand this time around. If Agnes needs treatment, that’s gonna be tricky to administer w/o somebody eventually noticing.

Red is still in a false role for now but its confines have weakened since he realized that Liz now knows he used to be someoneelse.

WhenLiz decides to go away for a while and entrusts Agnes to Scottie, Red questionsbut eventually goes along with her decision. “It was what youwanted,” he tells her later on. Even locked in his assumed role hecould have dug his heels in and claimed that he had a say in this matter, but he letLiz make the decisions and respected them. It carried way more risk to let her disappear alone than to let Scottie take Agnes, yet Red did not argue and did notrepeat the mistakes he made in S3B when things got so out of hand, Liz began toresent him and he was genuinely worried he was suffocating her. So he did what everybody toldhim to do in S4: he let her - and Agnes - go. And then she came back to him.

But for now, it is best if Agneshas safe distance from both him and Liz. In 520, Red told Jennifer that she was notabandoned but protected. That’s Agnes, too. Red may detest Scottie but he doesacknowledge that she is an excellent strategist with the skills, insight,motivation, and resources to keep the little girl safe. Shebelieves her to be her granddaughter, which - imo - in Red’s book ensures her loyaltyno matter how he feels about her otherwise. And in ep 512, we can see that Redknows exactly where Agnes is and, knowing him, he has his own invisiblemultilayered security web in place, monitoring everyone in Agnes’ life 24/7 and sendingdaily reports to him.

Whenhe and Liz observe Agnes from a distance at the end of the episode, the topic oftruth once again emerges, making it the third time that Agnes and talk of“the truth” co-occur: one is earlier in this episode (“If I misseven one more day with [Agnes] than is absolutely necessarybecause you’re not being completely honest…”)and the other is the cuckoo clock scene in S4. Red tells Liz heknows how hard this separation is and that they want the same thing here, whichechoes his remark in S4 about how they are in lockstep where Agnesis concerned. It also reminds me ofhis stunned reaction when Liz shares her fantasy with him in S3 (“I’mwalking in a park with my husband. Inbetween usis our little girl. I’mholding her hand in mine… and Inever let go.”). They do want the same thing and they are on the same page about Agnes, but everything else is still in disarray. For now, there is safetyin separation and keeping up appearances, even uncomfortable and painful ones.

In 514, Red gives us and Liz areminder when he points out that in the criminal underworld you can neverreveal how important someone is to you without making them an instant target. Theshow continues to provide examples of this specific danger, and the cases thatdirectly touch upon this topic “borrow” elements from Red’s situation: in518, Mosadek’s son is abducted by business associates because they suspect himof being an informant, and in 610, criminals attempt to extort money from a fatherwhose daughter was born premature with a condition to which there was no cureat the time, so the father came up with one.

Ep605 is extra curious because it features the story of a guy who never knew hisfather and only learned about his identity when he was unexpectedly summoned to the readingof his will. Van Ness was fighting an illness, too, and decided to change hiswill to include his only son that nobody even knew about. His last written message to himwas: “I loved your mother but didn’t have the courage to stay withher.” Van Ness’ seat and vote in an international criminal syndicate are also automaticallytransferred to his heir, making him a target for various reasons. It’s also a reminder of what kind of dangerous entanglements thechildren of international criminals have to deal with once their family ties arerevealed. In this episode, we also get a reminder from Aram that “in arelationship, the truth always comes out.” and Dembe continues toplead with Red to be honest with Liz, tell her the truth and leave the rest to fate. Red, however, stubbornly keeps his silence.

Theparallels btw Red/Liz and Samar/Aram also continue in S6, and what Samar tells Aram in 613has potential relevance to deciphering Red’s perspective and reasons for not speaking up about Agnes. Samar says that she made peace with the idea that she was never gonna havechildren (back in S3, she told Liz she picked career over family) but meeting Aram changed everything. After that, she wanted nothingmore than to try and balance the two, to build a family with him. But now that she knows she has anirreversible condition, she cannot raise a child, and she feels he deservesmore than what she can give.

Ifeel all these sentiments also play a role in how Red evaluates the possibilities of hisrelationship with Liz (even if Agnes is not his). His initial reaction to the baby was rejection,remarking that a child would make their difficult work infinitely harder. But then he changed his mind. In 319, he confessed that hewould give anything to be able to raise Agnes but he was also painfully aware of the factors preventing him from realizing this wish.“Your baby deserves more than we can provide,”Mr. Kaplan told Liz right at the moment she decided to separate her from Redfor good. This idea also emerges in 614, when Red notices Liz staring at thephoto of herself with Katarina, and tells her that the photo represented everythingKatarina wanted but couldn’t have after she became a hunted woman. Being a fugitive himself, Red facesthe exact same problem. And now he alsohas an illness to overcome, so him having the same attitude as Samar - i.e. writing himself off as notbeing a suitable match and accepting not being with “the one” - feels right on the mark, imo. Katarina also shared in this heartbreak where realReddington and their daughter were concerned. She, too, had to let go of what she really wanted.

bottom line (bc it’s time to wrap this up): everything that’s happened since Liz confronted Red with the pregnancynews has been discouraging him from “coming out” as Agnes’ father:

initial uncertainty regarding paternity

Liz’s growing resentment towards him that culminated in a faked death

Tom + Liz choosing him over and over again coupled w/ Red starting to accept that Tom somehow makes Liz happy while he only manages to bring pain and hardship into her life

the constant threats and Red’s growing worry that he might indeed be athreat to Agnes and Liz

the unexpected DNA report that was also the perfect cover

Red’s emerging health issues

Liz’s missing memories (without which how would he even begin to explain it or have any hope she will not freak completely or worse?)

But we are in a period now where there is tangible improvement regarding these main issues. Red now knows whether or not he’s Agnes’ father, so that uncertainty is gone. Tom is dead. Liz’s resentment subsided and she knows Red is an imposter yet loves him anyway and told him so. He also knows about Krilov’s 2nd interference that explains some of Liz’s behavior. His illnessis being treated, too. But the risks and threats in their lives still remain. For now they are mitigating this by staying away from Agnes, but if theimprovements hold, hopefully the time will come when this issue of paternity - along with some other questions - can be broughtforth and sorted between the two of them.

[chicagobeerpass]

Chicago Beer Pass: Festbier

Welcome to the Chicago Beer Pass: Your ticket to all the great beer events happening in and around Chicago.

On this episode of Chicago Beer Pass, Brad Chmielewski and Nik White are cracking open cans of Oktoberfest Festbier from Pipeworks Brewing. It's been a little while since the guys had a Pipeworks beer on the show so it's nice to get them into this showdown for Chicago Oktoberfest beers. As they crush this Festbier they talk about Illuminated Brew Works, Cruz Blanca, and breakdown the latest Deep Woods release from Revolution Brewing.

Having issues listening to the audio? Try the MP3 (45.4MB) or subscribe to the podcast on iTunes!

[digitalhitchhiker]

Chicago Beer Pas: Hal Acre Now Open

Welcome to the Chicago Beer Pass: Your ticket to all the great beer events happening in and around Chicago.

This week on Chicago Beer Pass, Brad Chmielewski & Nik White ditch the cans and open a large format bottle. The guys open the Lupita & the 3 Kings from 5 Rabbit Cervecería, a Belgian Quad coming in at 10% ABV. As they sip on this big boy they chat about Begyle Brewing, Alaskan Brewing and the opening of the new Half Acre Brewery in Bowmanville.

Coming up this weekend the big event you don’t want to miss is happening Friday and Saturday and that’s the 312 Block Party. The 312 Block Party is a fun and free event put on by Goose Island and often features a lot of beers you maybe not been able to sample in a while. There are a few more events happening this weekend but you’ll have to listen to hear them all. 

Thanks for listening, cheers!

Having issues listening to the audio? Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes!

[raisingkidsinchicago]

End Of September Chicago Activities!

End Of September Chicago Activities!

Need some plans for this weekend? September is coming to an end with October just around the corner. Here are some things happening in Chicago to give a farewell to September. September 23rd – September 25th 312 Block Party Photo by ELEVATE on Pexels.com When: Friday, September 23rd. | 5PM | – Saturday, September 24th. | 4PM | Where: Goose Island Fulton Street Brewery More…

[manlyaustralia]

Light filled lifestyle apartment with garage

[urbanpride]

#2 - Argyle Street 'Historical Queer Quarter'

Poster #2 already? You’re on a roll!

Unlike in the Merchant City, this space is less visibly queer, and this is because the queer spaces in this area functioned in the 1970s and 1980s, so had almost to ‘hide in plain sight’ before sodomy laws were relaxed and after, when societal acceptance of queerness was still to catch up to the law change. The Waterloo Bar (306 Argyle Street), established in the early 1970s, is considered Glasgow’s oldest gay bar. Popular weekly karaoke nights were hosted by Betty Hutton, who was at the time Glasgow’s best known drag act. As homophobic abuse would have been common in the 70s and 80s an urban legend about Betty Hutton goes that she always used to carry a tin of beans in her handbag so she could use them in self-defence in the event that she received any hassle!

Slightly to the west, The Duke of Wellington (316 Argyle Street) was also a pioneer of the Glasgow gay scene. In the early 1970s, this consisted of The Duke of Wellington, The Waterloo and the nearby Vintners (312 Clyde Street) as most queer parties pre-1980 took place in private homes, most notably on Novar St in the Hyndland area. 316 Argyle Street is currently vacant, most recently let out as a Guitar shop.

One block to the East, The Arches (253 Argyle Street) was a prominent venue for the arts, theatrical events, live music and club nights, all under Central Station. Founded by Andy Arnold in 1991, the Arches was a non-profit space, with the nightclub’s revenue being used to support artistic endeavours. Although not exclusively a queer space, it was often put to queer use hosting club nights such as Burly, which provided a space intended for cruising, Love Boutique, and Death Disco’s camp celebration of the undead. The arches also hosted the ‘GlasGay!’ film festival in 1993 and regularly sponsored the event. Run by ‘Outspoken Arts’, Glasgay! ran for 21 years until their last festival at Glasgow Film Theatre in 2014.

[vvmcoin12]

Crypto Banking System Asia | Singapore | Jordan

Crypto-Banking System: An Overview People can employ a wide variety of free assets to preserve their value. But we believe that blockchain and cryptocurrencies are today's EVOLUTION and THE BEST SOLUTION for asset management, storage, accounting of these assets, regardless of what the traditional environment or investment may be worth in the past. Outsourcing businesses have produced a wide range of assumptions and analysis on the subject of outsourcing. According to these sources, the average global wealth is estimated to be 312 trillion dollars, according to the data. Since banks and similar financial entities possess the vast majority of these assets, they are usually immobile, prompting unrest and difficulties to be acknowledged. Due to a lack of updates, the modern traditional banking system is prone to serious vulnerabilities. Banks, as well as the government, do not want to use block chain technology. Globally, since officials would find it harder to hide corruption schemes and numerous backdoor politics techniques of fighting public opinion, justice democracy and more. Crypto Banking System Jordan Crypto Banking System Asia Due to these factors, we can infer that the inclusion of global assets on a block chain is a requirement and has huge benefits that will show during the integration process. Since its introduction as a "electronic payment system that relies on cryptographic evidence," cryptocurrency has enabled direct communication between any two people without the need for a trusted third party, eliminating the necessity to entrust your money to a central bank."Satoshi Takemoto" (an anonymous developer or team of developers) established the first cryptocurrency, bitcoin. On the other hand, Satoshi presented the world to a new financial sector that has been widely used and investigated. Now, no state, no self-respecting financial institution, and no up-to-date organization can continue to deny the inevitable. These include minimal transaction costs, global payments, quick conversion and widespread dissemination, pseudo-anonymity as well as ownership and exchange of assets and real-time transaction transparency.On the other side, non-technical individuals may have difficulty using and possessing bitcoins. As a result of factors such as the uncontrolled cryptocurrency mining process, speculations by large traders and holders of large market shares engrossing from the entire component of capitalization (a total capitalization of about $ 300 billion), attempts to use cryptocurrencies in daily life to pay for petty purchases may appear to be less profitable and more risky. There is also the possibility of a $50 billion loss in bitcoins, according to speculation. As a result of the aforementioned elements. Crypto Banking System Asia often, non-technical people are unable to employ technology due to a lack of awareness or information about the market's behavior. Because of this, the market can drop at a rate that no company has ever experienced on traditional stock markets.By providing a bridge between fiat currency and cryptocurrencies, VVMedia bank is able to modernize the financial system and create a new economy. Crypto Banking System  Singapore