#8x21 holding on

[lovehours]

i don’t even fucking care

[superhell]

top ten scenes that send the viewer into cardiac arrest

[thefuturewithoutus]

5x4 'birthmarks' x 8x21 'holding on'

[j-wilson-md]

2x02 "Autopsy" | 8x21 "Holding On"

[greghatecrimes]

Prodigal Children (Chase and Thirteen, House M.D.)

1x05 “Damned If You Do” // 3x15 “Half Wit” // 8x05 “The Confession” // Luke 15:32 // 8x21 “Holding On” // 7x18 “The Dig”

[jackexmachina]

spn + text posts

image description: clips from “Sin City,” “After School Special,” “The Rapture,” “The Great Escapist,” “About A Boy,” “Our Little World,” “Lost and Found,” “Various & Sundry Villains,” “Unfinished Business,” and “Proverbs 17:3” paired with tumblr text posts

13x01: Jack is across from Sam in the holding cell of a police station, and he moves to sit cross-legged on a bench. His brow is furrowed and he looks concerned, then he looks up at Sam saying, “Will you tell them that I’m sorry?” text post from jame7t reads [sorry for being lovable and cute & sweet. AND adorable.]

15x05: Sam picks up his cell phone from a table in the bunker, it shows several unanswered texts to Cass which read “Hey Cass checking in.” “How are you doing? Everything ok?” “Cass call me we need to talk.” “Didn’t realize you were taking off.” “Service sucks in the bunker, want to make sure you’re getting these?” “Call me when you can.” “Want to make sure you’re ok?” text post from papayajuan2019 reads [people who dont double text are in such mental prisons. i will text seven times if it requires it]

13x12: Dean stands in front of Sam in the bunker, he makes a sweeping motion with his hand saying, “It is gorgeous outside.” Sam puts a hand on his shoulder, telling him to stop as he turns away, but then Dean punches him and knocks him out. Dean winces as he watches Sam fall to the floor. text post from fungalfaggot reads [oh you’re touch starved? here eat up *fucking punches you*]

4x13: young!Sam in a flashback turns in his chair to glare at a school bully, saying, “Yeah, sure.” text post from evilvillain123456789 reads [fifth grader’s report card with straight As and at the bottom the teacher wrote “extremely violent and dangerous young man”]

11x06: Several moving close-up shots of Castiel standing at the door leading outside the bunker, he is suffering from PTSD flashbacks. He looks haggard and disoriented. text post from elytrians reads [“you look tired” well the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease]

4x20: Sam moves away from a demon and the lower half of his face is covered with demon blood, his teeth are bared and his eyes look animalistic. He turns around to stand up and sees Dean and Castiel in Claire’s vessel watching him, disturbed. His face falls, caught. text post from dogmotif reads [haha hey i love the blood dripping from your face and the animal rage in your eyes whats your pronouns]

13x20: Gabriel watches Sam, calculating, but then he turns to look at Dean. Dean rolls his eyes, shrugging in acquiescence. text post from annabelle--cane reads [it’s rotten work. especially to me especially if it’s you. I’ll fucking do it but christ alive.]

8x21: Sam stands in front of Dean in a hallway, slightly delirious and telling Dean about a memory from when he was very young. He says he was thinking, “I could never go on a quest like that.” He is almost smiling as he finishes speaking. text post from soulmvtes reads [trying to outgrow the deep shame and embarrassment woven into my existence wbu]

10x12: age-regressed Dean stands in front of Sam outside a witch’s lair, saying, “First time you ever had to say that, huh?” and grinning. Sam glares at him, bending down a little to respond, “Big talk coming from the dude wearing underoos.” text post from monelyslave-noscopekween600thou reads [I’m at the doctor office and this baby keeps yelling “I want donow” (mcdonalds) and the big brother (I assume) said “all the mcdonalds burnt down, there’s no more mcdonalds”]

3x04: Sam stands at the door to an office he’s just broken into, telling them, “Have a nice day?” He tries to smile but then quickly leaves, cringing painfully as he walks away. text post from kristina100000 reads [we should all be 6′5 with 250lbs of muscle mass with a heart of a darling]

[warlenys]

something about house in 4x03 telling wilson i love you right after dying and seeing no afterlife and so drugging and showing wilson what death is like in 8x21 to replicate that experience, but when wilson wakes up from his fake death he just tells house that he believes in heaven, instead of finding himself compelled by life’s love like house did. death made house value life, value wilson. but in that moment death doesn’t make wilson value house. house feels like he’s secondary to wilson’s heaven. like wilson thinks life might be better after death, after house. something about house not wanting to live if wilson hates him. something about him living for a man who’s now refusing to live for him. something about him throwing away his rationality for wilson. for his love of wilson. and then wilson throwing away his rationality for a belief in heaven. something that makes his death less awful for him, but not for house. it even acts against house’s desire to get wilson to truly value him. the first thing house does after nearly dying is tell wilson he loves him. he doesn’t want to hurt wilson in death. he needs wilson to know that he’s living for him. but wilson now doesn’t return that favour. wilson is centring the pain of his death around himself. he says don’t worry it’s fine i believe in heaven!! but house is standing there like what about me bitch!!! meanwhile house’s relationship with the afterlife is centred entirely around wilson. i’ll tell you i love you when i learn there isn’t anything after death (or after you), i’ll choose to live for you despite you hating me (i’d rather be dead than have you hate me), i’ll fake my death and turn you into the afterlife i’ve never until this moment believed in. whereas wilson just believes in this foreign, impersonal heaven. his own dying is about only him. house’s dying has always been about wilson. luckily!! holding on is about wilson realising and accepting just how much he loves and values and needs house. because house has always known. and, whilst he only fully realises the extent of it in everybody dies, house has never denied his love for wilson. but wilson has regularly tried to. he’s tried to reject it to instead prioritise himself. but holding on sees it all bubble over. foreman tells him that the only person he’s consistently loved is house, and that has to mean something. thirteen tells him that house is the only person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. he realises that he needs house to tell him that he loves him before he dies. and then he sees those fucking oreos in his cupboard and goes shit man. he needs me. and i don’t think that’s a bad thing anymore. i haven’t actually just been living for me, i’ve been living for house. if i can’t even look at a fucking oreo without thinking about him then surely. my life is entirely about him. and so wilson is prepared to do chemo for house. to suffer in life for house. but house tells him he doesn’t need to and instead joins wilson in killing himself so that they can live together in death. life has prevented them from being who they want to be. the only life they want to live is one completely devoted to the other. their afterlives aren’t heaven or hell, they’re each other. they turned their deaths into their love for each other. their deaths will exist forever as their eternal love. and like this is canon

[gaycrouton]

The X-Files: Each Main Character's First and Last Line In The Series ✨

Entries with an asterisk signify the character’s last line was spoken posthumously.

DANA SCULLY

Pilot (1x01): “Agent Dana Scully.” 

My Struggle IV (11x10): “It's more than impossible.”

FOX MULDER

Pilot (1x01): “Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.”

My Struggle IV (11x10): “That’s impossible.”

WALTER SKINNER

Tooms (1x21): “Agent Scully, we have reviewed your reports and frankly we are quite displeased.”

My Struggle IV (11x10): “All right, hold on.”

THE CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN

Young at Heart (1x16): “Where are they?”

My Struggle IV (11x10): “Then you don’t know me very well.”

ALEX KRYCEK

Sleepless (2x04): “Agent Mulder?”

*The Truth (9x19/20): “They'll kill her.”

JOHN DOGGETT

Within (8x01): “Water? It could be a wait.”

The Truth (9x19/20): “Get in the car.”

MONICA REYES

This Is Not Happening (8x14): “Hi.”

My Struggle IV (11x10): “No!”

MELVIN FROHIKE

E.B.E. (1x17): “She’s hot.”

*The Truth (9x19/20): “All you're going to do is get yourself killed.”

JOHN BYERS

E.B.E. (1x17): “And, Mulder, listen to this.”

*The Truth (9x19/20): “You already know the truth.”

RICHARD LANGLY

E.B.E. (1x17): “So, check it out, Mulder, today I had breakfast with the guy who shot John F. Kennedy.”

*This (11x02): “Mulder...”

TEENA MULDER

Colony (2x16): “Hello?”

Sein und Zeit (7x10): “So much that I’ve left unsaid for reasons I hope one day you’ll understand.”

MAGGIE SCULLY

Beyond the Sea (1x13): “As if he’s an authority on having a good time.”

Home Again (10x04): “My son is named William too.”

WILLIAM SCULLY / JACKSON VANDEKAMP

Existence (8x21): “Wah, wah!”

My Struggle IV (11x10): “I don’t think you can do it.”

Video Compilation

[missjackil]

Supernatural Battle of the Episodes!

Hey folks! Looks like The Great Escapist took down Taxi Driver in a landslide victory! As we near the end of Season 8, let's see how it holds up! Who's next on the roster Chuck?

Chuck: Well next up we have Clip Show- The boys learn that the last Trial is to cure a demon! They reanimate Abaddon to make her the Guinea Pig. Meanwhile, Crowley demands they stop the Trials and starts killing off people Sam and Dean have saved!

[littlebluejaydraws]

Crowley Tour: 3rd-6th May 8x07: A Little Slice of Kevin 8x21: The Great Escapist 8x01: We Need to Talk About Kevin 8x02: What's Up, Tiger Mommy?

ID: Four digital drawings, each comprised of a rough sketch of Crowley from an episode of Supernatural alongside the episode title and a quote from the same episode. In the first drawing Crowley is holding up tablet with rough markings on it. The title reads "May 3rd: 8x07 A Little Slice of Kevin" and the quote reads "This hurts you more than it hurts me.". The second drawing shows Crowley standing and firing a gun. The title reads "May 4th: 8x21 The Great Escapist" and the quote reads "I'm the daringest devil you've ever met, love.". The third drawing shows Crowley from above. He is standing in a field surrounded by goats. The title reads "May 5th: 8x01 We Need to Talk About Kevin" and the quote reads "Chin up, gentlemen. I'm a professional.". The fourth and final drawing shows Linda Tran punching Crowley in the face. The back of Linda's head is visible, with Crowley reeling back in front of her. The title reads "May 6th: 8x02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy?" and the quote reads "Maybe you should try D, for dumbass.". End ID.

[cowlovely]

The 100, 4x11 “The Other Side” // Supernatural, 15x18 “Despair” // House M.D., 8x21 “Holding On”

[superhell]

find me the chase prodigal son screencap those are his kIDSSS

[thefuturewithoutus]

4x16 'wilson's heart' x 8x21 'holding on'

[j-wilson-md]

8x21 "Holding On" | 4x16 "Wilson's Heart"

[soulonoscopys]

Sam Winchester and the incorporation of the word “freak” into his self-concept

In Supernatural, the word “freak” is used to describe monsters. It is the divide between the hunters and the things they hunt. A freak is thus thought to be a supernatural being – dangerous and unnatural. Being a freak has a connotation of “otherness” but has also been linked to “evil” or “monster”.

Our self-concept consists of cognitive schemas in which we organise our past experiences and new information we encounter. This sets the basis for the way we construct who we are, and how we describe ourselves. I want to explore Sam’s incorporation of the word “freak” into his self-concept, and how it has shaped him throughout the years.

Sam has felt like a freak since he was a child, not fitting in anywhere in the normal world. This is often explained as a consequence of being raised as a hunter, but we also know that Sam didn’t feel normal as a kid. When he was a kid, he saw a picture of Sir Galahad kneeling with light streaming on his face, and he thought “I could never go on a quest like that because I’m not clean.” Maybe he knew deep down as a child that he had demon blood in him, and the evil of it, and that he wasn’t pure [8x21]. He doesn’t feel normal at home either, where he stands out because he wants a normal life instead of the hunting life like John and Dean.

Identifying with the word “freak”

Although we know Sam has felt like a freak in his childhood, the first time the word hits him specifically post-Stanford is in season 2 when he is getting psychic visions. Dean calls him a “supernatural freak” [2x05]. Sam’s immediate reaction is:

And he says, “So I’m a freak now?”

At the end of the season, he finds out that he has demon blood in his system, which strengthens the feeling of being different in an evil and unclean way. The label of freak is strengthened. He is the only one who knows about the demon blood, but his psychic visions are enough to alienate him from others. Gordon and Kubrik want to hunt him in season 3, and Kubrik even says: “You’re some kind of weirdo freak”

Although Sam feels different and identifies more with the word, he doesn’t call himself a freak. It is a sore point for him, but in season 4 when Dean comes back from hell and finds out Sam has been drinking demon blood, his brother’s view of him makes him falter. He has been feeling like a freak, but he has been trying his best to make the best out of it. Dean coming back and reprimanding him with a distasteful look hits Sam hard and he starts to see how drinking demon blood has caused him to further become a freak. Dean has been on his side since everybody else started calling him a freak, but now it’s very clear from the way Dean looks at him – “like I’m some kind of freak” [4x04]. Although he’s pointing out that his brother is alienating him, that is exactly how Sam feels about himself now. He talks about the demon blood in his veins like it’s a disease in him.

And that because of this, he’s “a whole new level of freak”. He now explicitly self-identifies with the word.

As season 4 continues, Sam fears that Dean will call him a monster (so much so that he hallucinates that Dean does). His fears are confirmed when Dean says that if he didn’t know him, he would hunt him. The lines of hunter and hunted have now disintegrated. What Dean has been implying for so long is now out: Sam is a freak; he is a monster. And his following words are clear enough, “it means you’re a monster, Sammy” [4x21]. This solidifies Sam’s belief that he is one, and that being a freak = being a monster. Yet, he holds on to hope, just as he has from season 1 – that maybe he can be saved. Maybe the more people he saves, the more ‘good’ he can be. And saving everyone from the apocalypse must be the best thing he can do, right? He is a freak – but there is hope that maybe he isn’t a freak, or that maybe he is a freak for a reason, and that he can therefore do good. Maybe he can prove that a freak can be good and that this word does not define him.  

And so he rushes to kill Lilith, but he is still unsure, the guilt of fighting with his brother heavy on his shoulder. But when he listens to the tweaked voicemail, in which ‘Dean’ calls him a monster and a “bloodsucking freak”, he is heart-broken, and all hope is lost. He trudges on to kill Lilith because although he believes himself to be a freak and a monster now, he still carries the thought that maybe he can prove himself different. Dean arrives and Sam becomes ambivalent again, but Lilith knows what will get him back on the path:

Sure enough, this pushes Sam to complete the task.

Once Sam realizes that his actions bear the consequences of releasing Lucifer from Hell, it becomes clear to him that he indeed was not on a path of redemption or to save himself from the ‘monster’, but rather he has fully become a freak - which leads to his self-identification and acceptance of the word. The word “freak” is now fully incorporated into his self-concept

Acceptance of the word “freak”

Sam wants out in the start of season 5, believing himself to be unfit for the hunter life after what he’s done and who he is. If it wasn’t clear enough that he has accepted himself as a freak, he says “Last time I wanted to be normal. This time I know I’m a freak” when he faces Lucifer in [5x03]. He continues season 5 believing himself to be a freak, and that the only way he can atone for what he’s done is to sacrifice himself to stop the Apocalypse. The act is not a heroic one in Sam’s mind, like killing Lilith was supposed to be. But rather it is atonement, repentance and making things right – he was the one who started the Apocalypse, and it is his responsibility to end it.

When he comes back from Hell, he is soulless – and this Sam does not believe he is a freak. Even though things are wrong with him, his self-view is different. His self-concept includes cognitive descriptions – being a good hunter, being smart but there are no affective descriptions that he applies to himself. He doesn’t feel like a freak (because he is not able to feel anything), and so he doesn’t carry that baggage with him.

When his soul is restored, he struggles mentally with images of Lucifer. The amount of torture he has been through cannot be imagined, nor what kind of negative self-conceptions about himself he has heard from Lucifer in the Cage. Nevertheless, we see a change in Sam’s relationship with the word “freak” in season 7. His mental health is so far off, he believes he is not even close to being considered ‘normal’ – and so along with his hell experience and being back with hallucinations tormenting him – being a freak still applies, and rather he believes will always apply to him. Although this time with a little redefinition.

Although the word “freak” has always carried a negative connotation, there was one person in Sam’s past who validated him being a freak – Amy Pond, the kitsune. It is so interesting how he and Amy connect over being freaks [7x03]. Amy believes herself to have a darkness in her that she is controlling in order to live a normal life and not hurt others. Even at a young age, Sam connects with that. Meeting Amy again in this episode, Sam is reminded of her definition of freak. She faced the word head-on and told Sam: “Sam, you are a freak” But she continued to associate the word with famous and talented people. Amy’s definition of freaks goes something like this: “All the coolest people are freaks”

But being reminded of Amy’s definition of freak, and having suffered from hallucinations for so long, these two experiences come together towards his acceptance of this part of him and creating a new definition for himself. He tells Dean that although he is a freak, it is not the same as being dangerous. Sam has now made his own associations of the word freak and has tweaked the word to fit him and his conception of himself. Him being a freak no longer means he is something to hunt down, it means he’s “different” and “other”, and it does not mean he poses a threat to the people around him. Not anymore. He might look like a monster, but he does not act like one.

He has been running from the word for so long, but it always comes back to chase him down. He’s not running away from it anymore, nor does he have hope that one day he won’t be a freak. He doesn’t get defensive like before, but instead tells Dean he can say it to him. “I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to be normal. Come on, I’m not normal. All the crap I’ve done. I’m a grade-A freak” [7x03].

Although he is able to view the word differently, that is not the case for Dean. Sam reacts immediately when Dean calls Amy a freak, but he invites his brother to say the word to him. Sam knows the word lives implicitly between him and Dean. Dean views the world in monsters and not-monsters, freaks and not-freaks. Sam is aware of this, but he invites Dean to speak his mind, to utter the word out loud so it surfaces in the literal reality instead of floating in the invisible between them. Being viewed as a freak by his brother is something Sam has accepted.

Dean’s view of him has always had immense power over Sam. We perceive the people around us to be mirrors of how we are, and thus their assumptions of us are incorporated into our self-concept and thought to be truths. Dean’s view of Sam as different and a freak has carried throughout the seasons, but it isn’t until Dean tells Sam in season 8 that there’s nothing “past or present, that I would put in front of you” that he reassures Sam he has worth and value, that his brother does not despise him despite (what Sam perceives to be) his shortcomings.

Reconstruction of the word “freak”

Although he starts redefining the word freak in season 7, I believe his true reconstruction of  the word happens after the trials. He has tried to purify himself through the trials, and the demon blood in him has always been such an important aspect of why he feels like and is viewed as a freak.

This reconstruction takes time over the later seasons. When Sam is captured by the British Men of Letters, they make him hallucinate and I would argue that it exacerbates his deepest fears (letting people down, for example). Here, Sam hears Dean’s voice repeatedly telling him: “You’re the freak, you’re the freak, you’re the freak” [12x01]

Sam is more assured in Dean’s view of him by now, as Dean has expressed belief in him since season 8. Yet, this is still a nightmare to hear.  Although this is one of Sam’s greatest fears, he is able to see through the illusion and he does not let any fear of the word affect his decision-making. Later in the season, he tells Magda (a psychic) that his powers (and the demon blood) were a part of him, and it didn’t make him evil. It just made him who he was. He has now constructed the word freak even more differently, viewing it as a part of him, but not necessarily a negative part like he has before. He used to believe it was an evil monstrous part of him, then he understood it as a monstrous but not dangerous part. Now, it’s just a part of him. It does not exclude the good in him, as he says that it just made him who he already was [12x04]

In the same season, he seems tentative with Mary, worried she might not love him. He is after all the child with the demon blood. Her love and regret at her choices in the end of the season confirms to him that he is loved by his mother, providing further healing. Dean shows belief in him, as a hunter, as a leader, and in his ability to make decisions. This is important to Sam, who lost Dean’s trust and has been reliant on making decisions based on his brother.

In season 13, Sam relates to Jack now being called the “freak”. Jack is scared that he might be evil, that his powers dictate his path – and Sam can relate to that. He says, “I know what it feels like to feel like you don’t belong, to feel there’s this darkness inside of you, to be scared of who you are, what you can do” [13x03]

But Dean calls Jack a freak and threatens to kill him, which makes Sam furious partly because he knows firsthand how Dean’s words can hurt. Dean says that he knows it’s going to end bad with this freak. Sam immediately reacts with “I didn’t end bad when I was the ‘freak’” [13x03]. No one believed in him or understood what he was going through, how being alienated took a toll on his self-view. He gives Jack the understanding he never received.

Sam also shows Jack the compassion he wasn’t given. When Sam was considered the freak, he was viewed as evil and he tried to turn this evil into good. He tried to save as many people as he could, trying to make his powers useful. When Jack finds out that Sam wants to try using his powers in order to save Mary, Sam assures him that even if that isn’t possible, Jack has inherent value. Sam tells Jack the words that would have helped him when he was struggling. “If that doesn’t work, it’s okay, because I do care about you” [13x04]. Jack’s value is not dependent on his powers, nor does he need to prove himself to make up for the acclaimed darkness in him. Sam doesn’t want Jack to internalise what he himself did – that he has to compensate for evil in him. But rather that the goodness lies already within him, and he just needs to choose to act on it.

This lesson is also what has shaped Sam’s self-concept towards a more positive development – that he is who he chooses to be. And thus, he can reshape his self-concept, and in which way the word “freak” applies to him - and in which ways it doesn’t.  

[greghatecrimes]

House and Thirteen, House M.D.

5x09 “Last Resort” // 7x18 “The Dig” // Teardrop by Mass Attack // 8x21 “Holding On” // Arcane: League of Legends