#ALSO i love how this one line kind of confirms that hes hiding a british accent in vtmb

[raouls-fine-horses]

I went to see From The Rehearsal Room at the Savoy and I compiled notes. Keep in mind I wrote this on the tube on the way back from it so it might be a bit crazy but yk…

- Before the show we went on stage to look round and Hadley and Ramin were there to tune their guitars so they performed Hushabye mountain for us and then the group was taking a picture and Hadley snuck in and photobombed

⁃ They wore matching sockssss and it wasn’t even deliberate

⁃ I cant even remember why he brought it up but once Hadley had a bear on the roof of his apartment and they had to tranquillise it

⁃ He also performed once with a racoon staring at him

⁃ Ramin was singing this really beautiful song and Hadley was in the back with his legs crossed and one elbow resting on the piano and he was chugging water as everyone was crying

⁃ They bashed on people who watched I’m A Celebrity which was kind of funny tbh

⁃ Hadley is a Lord Of The Rings girlie which we love. He’s got that deluxe Lord Of The Rings trilogy swag

⁃ RAMIN SANG TIL I HEAR YOU SING AND THE AUDIENCE SCREAMED THE MINUTE THE CHORDS STARTED

⁃ THEY SANG LILY‘S EYES

⁃ HADLEY FORGOT HIS CHARACTER’S NAME (NEVILLE) AND THEY WENT ON FOR AGES TRYING TO NAME THIS CHARACTER AND THEN HADLEY JUST REFERRED TO THE CHARACTER AS NIGEL

⁃ Hearing Hadley talk about the Pirate Queen was very lovely

⁃ They were talking about the Secret Garden and they asked if it was ‘the’ Secret Garden or just ‘Secret Garden’ then they started using different words instead of ‘the’ and then Hadley started speaking in a northern accent and it was oddly good. I know he’s an actor but have you heard him in the Pirate Queen lmao

⁃ I don’t condone shipping irl people but once you see it live you can’t deny it. My mum literally thought they were husbands

⁃ Ramin sang a song and then afterwards Hadley said how the love just CAME OUT of him for Ramin

⁃ They held handsssss

⁃ After the interval Hadley sang Funny from City Of Angels and oh my golly goodness gracious it was absolutely brilliant. It’s one of my favourite songs ever and aaaaaaaaaa it was so good

⁃ Also Hadley got us to do three part harmony and he started speaking French??? It sounded angelic tho it was so beautiful. I love Just Let Go so so much it was so good with 1000 people singing it in beautiful harmony

⁃ Also the way he taught it: my choir teacher could never

⁃ He’s so patient and dad-like

⁃ Well he is a dad

⁃ A dad I’d like to-

⁃ He didn’t win the dilf awards I can’t finish that sentence

⁃ Just a reminder that I was there for the dilf awards 2022

⁃ Also it’s confirmed that Hadley’s mum calls him Robert which I always wondered about bc his name isn’t actually Hadley

⁃ Also right right right

⁃ Sheytoons turned into Gaytoons bc during the line “this time there’s no way of hiding the way you feel” Ramin got really tense and then he was properly reacting to the song but subtly and I don’t think it was deliberate

⁃ Babygirl this time there’s no way of hiding the way you feel for Hadley Fraser

⁃ RAMIN SINGING WHO ID BE

⁃ AND IT WAS SO GOOD

⁃ AND HADLEY SAID “PETITION FOR RAMIN TO BE THE NEXT SHREK” AND BABYGIRL YOURE SO RIGHT

⁃ Empty chairs at empty tables

⁃ Empty chairs at empty tables

⁃ I am not okie dokie

⁃ It was beautiful

⁃ So so beautiful

⁃ And then when they did the iconic harmonies I started sobbing

⁃ It was too much for my brain to handle

⁃ Then they said they couldn’t leave us on a sad note so they did YOULL BE BACK

⁃ I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FUCKING BRILLIANT YOULL BE BACK WAS

⁃ So it started with Ramin, all bouncy and funky and stuff

⁃ But then oh my golly goodness gracious Hadley

⁃ He OWNED King George III so so hard

⁃ He did a very posh British accent and acted the living hell out of it

⁃ It was the best thing I’ve ever seen

⁃ And then he stuck one of his legs out in sort of a tango way and was very flamboyant and I’ve seen silly Hadley but I’ve never seen truly campy, flamboyant Hadley and it’s the best kind of Hadley

⁃ Then the whole audience did the da da da da das and it was so neat singing with Ramin and Hadley live

⁃ And they were doing a dancey dance and HADLEY AS KING GEORGE III I BEG, THATS ALL I ASK OF YOU, PLEASE ILL ACTUALLY ENJOY HAMILTON IF HADLEY IS KING GEORGE PLEASEEEEEE

⁃ Then it ended and we did a meet and greet and Hadley asked my name and I said it and Ramin and Hadley both shook my hand and then Hadley recognised me (it’s complicated to explain but basically he once saw a picture of me) and went “oh Maddie!!! It’s so good to see you!” Then he hugged me. Robert Hugh ‘Hadley’ Fraser hugged me. He didn’t do that for anyone else. He opened his arms and said “come here” in a nice way not a creepy way den

⁃ Overall such an insane experience, if you thought either of them were good in recording it’s just even better live. I’ve never heard them sing so well.

If any of you were there watching it please add anything I missed on

[unsleepingtales]

Burrow's End Episode 2 Reactions!

Ok so I watched this spread out over last night and this morning and now I'm in a Great mood for class! This episode was so good though. Really really truly this is wonderful and I love this season.

She thought they would have greater numbers?? Aabria you’re the one who wrote it what do you mean

Erika’s character look is so cool

Electricity?

That is what mothers are like yeah.

I don’t know about every stoat in the world being able to harness lightning magic but sure okay

This line of thinking from Tula feels very in line with what Brennan’s talked about in the past of it always being valuable for someone to have basic needs in mind, and it making everything easier and more enjoyable when those things are considered first.

Oooh paladin things!

This season is going to fuck me up incredibly badly and it’s not even going to be the sad shit it’s just going to be the parent/child interactions.

It hurts to be awake because it’s all I ever think about and there are no answers. So real.

Ava is so good to watch

Every time it cuts to Erika-

Ugh I love dnd so much

Every time Brennan gets a nat1 he kind of hides behind it lol

Tula has a -1 to arcana???

Love to see the weird british things counter return

Cageyyyy

Bear nearby and bear has small friends?

BATTLE MAP BATTLE MAP

THE WHOLE MAP IS A BEAR

Vampire chipmunk??? What the fuck what the fuck what the fuckkkk

WHAT

Ok oh my gif the threatening energy in “Oh, you didn’t beat me.”

WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD WHAT I HATE THAT WHAT

I hate it I hate it I hate it no god please no

ON THE DOME TOO??

Izzy is so right about the magic school bus thing

My soul shoots straight out of my ass, into hell. 🙂.

This is so unpleasant to look at

This does not feel proportional but it’s fine this is fine

HOW IS THIS BEAR ALIVE

Erika is so good at being The Old Lady

Be better!!

So help me I will turn this bear around!

Oh my god

I get that the heart beating is important to convey that the bear is still alive but jesus

There’s literally enough bear already.

Parasitic chipmunks nesting inside a bear. Good lord.

God I keep looking at the projection. That’s so unsettling.

Bad! This feels bad!

Oh my GOD

What oh god please no

What a brilliant episode to be watching while I have breakfast

I’m so curious if the bear’s actions are legendary actions or lair actions

Oh that was such a new york mother voice

That was literally a commercial break. The Iyengar-Mulligan bit. That was a comic relief commercial break

Horrible!!!

Eraser destroying power couple lmao

Like a stoat!

As an experienced babysitter I can confirm. Eight year olds are strong and it is because they don’t know they are. Being punched by an eight year old fucking hurts.

They’re taking the Alvin thing so far and it’s incredible

Ava WHAT are you doing

Oh I had a physical reaction to that. That was so unpleasant.

You think you’ve got this (threatening)

(Aabria laughs at the nerve of this play)

I love seeing my own table dynamics reflected in others. Because this wild swinging from hysterical laughter to jaw dropping horror is exactly what happened literally four days ago in my current game.

If your spine isn’t working store bought is fine

I dislike this strongly

She’s in the medulla oblongata! (Mentopolis)

FUCK YEAH LILA

Oh my god Aabria

Terrifying right now but like I’m a fun way

Just a lil blood soaked guy

I really appreciate how Aabria always mentions who’s up next so they can prep

I love doing things that potentially have great consequences just to see what it would do.

Oh we’re in blue again ok

What a wild thing to be happening right now

Oh good god

Do NOT eat it

What oh god what the fuck are you doing

MID COMBAT LEVEL UP???

Oh ok.

No I don’t believe that they’re dead- well, they don’t look great…

Pick your one favorite organ

The devil inside my child’s head!

Level up eyyy

What a visual

And also to you :)

Oh my god

Ok! What a time. Wow.

[cursezone]

rotating beckett around in my head some more

[cutie1365]

Hello Detective Chapter 68

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: This is my first update in over a year, wow. Please comment and let me know what you think, its the kind words y’all leave that motivate me to keep writing!

Masterlist in my bio, taglist in the reblog

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“Ms. Gregson, I’ve brought your dress.” Your assistant entered your office and held up a garment bag.

“Dress?” You muttered, your eyes not leaving the papers in front of you, your work completely distracting you. Who knew missile threats lead to so much paperwork.

“For the wedding ma’am. Your driver is ready whenever you are.” He explained, snapping you out of your trance.

“Ok, I’m almost done here.” You informed him, pointing to the door for him to hang your dress.

Once you gathered your papers and notes together to be sent off to Mycroft, you slipped into your tastefully simple dress. You were a lover of fashion from birth, most likely due to your mother being a dress designer, but you knew it was a total faux pas to outshine a bride at a wedding. So you opted for a simple spring colored dress.

The drive to the venue was about an hour outside of London, and you were grateful for an escape from the city. The long trip gave you an opportunity to take care of some work and update Mycroft on the events of the morning.

As you were nearing your destination you received a text from Sherlock.

Service is over, not as entirely painful as I expected. The pictures... now that’s another story.

-SH

You chuckled to yourself, after all this time he still signs his initials with every text. You’re convinced that it’s a preset in his phone that he secretly has no idea how to change, but of course he’d never admit that.

It’s almost over, you attempted to reassure him, I’m in the car now, I’ll be there soon. Xx

When you arrived everyone was in the reception hall milling about and visiting. You spotted Sherlock from behind, chatting with a woman in a lilac bridesmaid dress. You approached him and laid a hand on his arm to get his attention.

“Hi.” He whipped around and smiled, happy to see you. He placed a gentle kiss on your cheek. Either this whole wedding thing was torture or he was more nervous about his speech than you thought.

“Sorry I’m late.” You apologized.

“You’re here now.” He nodded, grateful for your presence.

“That I am,” You suddenly realized you had interrupted their conversation and turned to apologize to the bridesmaid, “Oh I’m sorry-.”

You turned to who he was talking to, ready to apologize, when your face went flush. Your smile faltered for just a moment, long enough for Sherlock to clock your reaction.

“Hello Ms. Gregson,” Janine said with a cheery smile.

“H-hi Janine.” You tried to recover and smile politely.

“Sherlock here’s been trying to find me a suitable date.” She explained, you were still in shock that she was here, considering your last encounter was her boss blackmailing you.

“Is he now? Well, I don’t doubt he’ll find you a good match, he’s very observant,” You said as you spotted Greg off sitting at a table with a drink in his hand, “I’ll let you two get back to it.”

You politely excused yourself, laying a hand on Sherlock’s arm again as you passed him, giving him a little squeeze.

“Hello there,” You smirked at Greg. He hadn’t expected you to make it, he lit up at your arrival.

“Look who decided to show up!” He jumps up and hugs you.

“That bad, eh?” You laugh and point down to his glass.

“Oh no, it was lovely, just not a big wedding person.” He explained, since he and his wife split you could understand why this might not be the happiest of reminders for him.

You look down at the table and see you’ve been seated next to him.

“Looks like we’re stuck together,” You smiled and pointed to the name plate next to him.

“That we are,” He smiles, taking another sip of his drink.

“Well I better go congratulate the happy couple, I’ll be back.” You smile, and go off to find John and Mary.

You see them standing together in the center of the room and make your way towards them, you see Sherlock doing the same.

“John!” You call to him with a wave, getting their attention.

“You made it!” He smiled, both of them turning to you.

“Wouldn’t miss this for the world.” You greeted and hugged both of them.

“Our wedding or Sherlock’s speech?” John smirked. Sherlock, who now stood by your side raised a brow, he didn’t like that comment.

“Oh hush,” You chuckled, “Mary you looked beautiful.”

“Oh thank you, I’m glad we could pull you away from the office for a few hours at least.” She placed a loving hand on your arm. You remembered the first time you met her at the doctor's office. You were surprised you could even remember her, consider there were about a million things running through your mind at that time. Things were so complicated then, well in your line of work things were always going to be complicated.

“Yes, just be glad I dumped my work onto Mycroft to keep him busy.” You smirked, earning a laugh.

Suddenly a bell rang, signaling dinner was to be served and you all were to make your way to your seats.

“Hey-” You grabbed Sherlock’s hand as everyone shuffled around you. You knew this would be the last chance you got to talk to him before his speech.

“It’s going to be fine. You’re ready.” You tried to reassure him, placing a hand on his cheek. You centered him and calmed him. He placed his hand over yours, leaning into it for a moment before nodding.

“Thank you.” He removed your hand and kissed it gently, squeezing it lightly before he turned to leave.

He remembered your words from earlier as he sat down at the front table with Mary, John and the bridesmaids, you’re Sherlock Holmes, you’ve faced demons and the devil himself, a little speech isn’t going to kill you.

You took your seat the corner table by the door between Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade. You were conveniently across from Molly and her Sherlock-wanna-be boyfriend... fiance? You glanced down at her ring.

After dinner and some light conversation, it was finally time for Sherlock’s speech, and you were a little nervous.

“Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends... and others... also-” He was too in his head, examining and deducing the room instead of focusing on his speech,

“The telegrams.” You mouthed to him as his eyes finally landed on you in the sea of people. He seemed to realize what you were mouthing.

“Right. First things first. Telegrams. Well, they’re not actually telegrams we just call them telegrams, I don’t know why. Wedding tradition, because we don’t have enough of that already, apparently.” He rambled and you smiled shaking your head, this wasn’t exactly what you meant when you said be yourself.

He began to read them, and there was something so funny to you about Sherlock saying such gushing words, they sounded so foreign.

“Mary lots of love... oh.” Sherlock stopped for a moment, John looked up to him questioningly as he continued, “poppet.”

This earned a laugh from everyone. Now that was a word you’d never thought would come out of Sherlock’s mouth.

You thought it was odd for this telegram to only be directed at Mary, no mention of John. The previous ones addressed them both.

“Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from Cam. Wish your family could have seen this.” You noticed Mary’s reaction, something was wrong. No one reacts like that to these happy little notes. And you’d seen Sherlock obsessing over the guest list, there were no Cams on it.

Meaning- it had to be initials. Three words suddenly jumped into your mind:

Charles Augustus Magnussen

Sherlock begins to tell the funny story about John asking him to be his best man, a day which you vividly remember due to the fact that you almost drank from a cup inhabited by an eyeball, one of Sherlock's experiments.

You were distracted, this couldn’t be a coincidence. First Janine and now Magnusen. This nearly confirmed your earlier suspicions that Mary might have been the target of John’s Guy Fawkes night attack. And it was highly suspicious that there was zero trace of her in the intelligence databases. Everyone’s got a file, even ordinary people if not just a birth certificate. You know she was employed, hell you’d seen her at work, she should at least have an employers file, but nothing.

By the time you tune back in Sherlock was telling the story of the Bloody Guardsman. You hoped no one had noticed you’d tuned out for who knows how long. You couldn't shake the feeling that Mary was hiding something deeper. We all have secrets, and as someone with a fair few and a lot of red in your ledger you knew a thing or two about trying to wipe it clean and start fresh. A whole new life. Is that what she’s doing here? What pushed her to do this, clearly something of that magnitude would not be looked upon lightly. You wanted to get to the bottom of this, but now is not the time.

You couldn’t get the idea out of your mind, you needed answers now. It's a good thing your table was next to the door and you could slip out largely unseen. Sherlock seemed to be doing a good job on his speech, people like detective stories. You won’t be missed. And a government job in charge of the safety of all British citizens was a pretty good alibi if anyone asked why you slipped away, work would be your excuse.

You made your way towards the seating area outside of the water closets near the kitchen door. You began to search everything you have on Mary, Magnusen, and Janine. MI5, MI6 every database you have access to. You’re in a deep dive when a waiter approaches you.

“Would you like something to drink?” He offered, pulling you from your train of thought. He was holding a tray with champagne.

“No I think I’m ok,” You smiled, looking back down to your phone.

“You sure? You look like you’ve had a long day.” He says politely.

“On second thought...” You smile and accept. Taking a sip as he returns into the kitchen. You return to the file on your phone, Magnussen has a lot of fingers in a lot of pies, but nothing explains his connection to Mary.

There had to be one, you were so frustrated that your searches were not fruitful.

Before you realized it, the words on the page were turning fuzzy. You glanced back at the champagne glass, raising it to your eyes to examine it... had you been drugged? Your hands began to shake and the glass dropped from your hands, shattering. You tried to remember the face of the waiter but it was a blur.

You stood quickly, you knew you had to get this out of your system. You glanced to the tray near the kitchen door and grabbed an empty glass and salt shaker. But it was too late. You collapsed as you tried to make your way towards the bathroom.

Back in the reception hall Sherlock began his Q&A portion of his story. As he asks Lestrade for his theory on the Bloody Guardsman case he noticed your absence. He sees the empty chair beside him, he knew something was off about you earlier when you’d met Janine. How could you two know each other? Even he’d just met her. He momentarily writes your absence off as a work emergency.

He quickly began to realize that the Mayfly Man was here today as he went over the case again in his mind. Something was about to happen, and that made your absence all the more suspicious.

“Who could you only kill at a wedding?” Sherlock asked as he made his rounds around the room, biding his time to solve the case and keep control of the room. You immediately came to mind because of your government position, but he ruled you out due to your numerous public appearances both formally and casually.

Lock this place down.

He texted Lestrade who quickly jumped to action, running into the hall.

The first thing he noticed was the shattered glass and a limp hand on the floor behind the seating area near the loo.

“Oh God, Y/N.” He rushed to you, checking your vitals.

Sherlock runs into the hall with John, Mary, and Molly on his tail.

“I thought you were locking the place down.” Sherlock asked in a scolding manner before his eyes landed on you and his heart dropped.

“I don’t know what happened.” Greg tried to explain but Sherlock quickly cut him off.

“She was drugged.” He pointed to the salt shaker and empty glass, what would have been used in an attempt to rid your system of the chemicals. But you were too late.

John checked your vitals and confirmed that you were just unconscious. He knew now this case meant life or death, and he didn’t have much time.

“Someone did this to distract me from solving the case in time, we have to go. Lestrade go get the photographer, he shouldn’t be too far now. Molly I need you to wait with her, please!” He yelled from down the hall as the trio began to make their way to Major Sholto’s room.

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When you wake up Sherlock is kneeling next to you, your head in his hands.

“Y/N... can you hear me?” He asked frantically, he was worried. He didn’t know what kind of drug you’d been given.

“You’re yelling, so yes.” You muttered, wincing slightly.

“Oh thank god.” He sighed, helping you to sit up on the couch.

“What happened?” You asked.

“Mayfly Man, he was working his way up to Sholto. The Bloody Guardsman was a practice round.” He explained, pointing over to the man Lestrade was interrogating who was handcuffed to a luggage rack. You recognized him as the waiter who gave you the drink.

“He was pretending to be a waiter.” You explained.

“He was the photographer, he must have thought you’d put a damper on his plans. Wanted to get you out of the way, or at the very least serve as a distraction for me.” Sherlock explained and you nodded in understanding.

“And did it work? Is Sholto ok?” You asked.

“He’s on the way to the hospital but he was stable.” Sherlock explained and you were relieved.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sherlock pressed.

“Oh please, not the first time I've been poisoned,” You smiled, earning a concerned look from Sherlock.

“Still.” He pressed.

“Im fine. Promise.” You smile, placing a hand on his knee.

In all the commotion you forgot what you came out here to do in the first place. Any thoughts of Magnussen and Mary and Janine were far from you now.

“Isn’t it time for your song?” You asked Sherlock, referring to his waltz you’d been forced to road test.

“Yes, but you need to rest. Ten minutes ago you were unconscious.” He said with a protective tone.

“I’m not missing their first dance, I can rest after.” You pushed and he agreed reluctantly.

Everyone made their way onto the dancefloor and made way for the newlyweds.

Sherlock began to play as they waltzed, they looked happy. You smiled as you leaned against the wall to steady yourself. Things were a little fuzzy, but you were fine. How has this become your new normal?, you thought to yourself shaking your head.

Sherlock’s song was even more beautiful than his recording from earlier. You loved when he played the violin, there was something so calming and soothing about it. You swore he could solve all of your problems with one note.

After he played and gave an apology for the commotion earlier, you saw him make his way towards John and Mary before they shooed him away with a smile. Had he just revealed that they were pregnant? Leave it to Sherlock to know before John, a doctor.

“Lets get some air.” Sherlock whispered in your ear once he had approached you, pulling you from the loud ballroom.

You followed him into the cool night air, the darkness surrounding the two of you. You were alone, the two of you against the world.

“This isn’t exactly how I expected today to go.” You chuckled as you made it to a faintly lit courtyard outside. You could see the flashing lights from inside and the faint beat of the music.

“Who would have guessed.” He laughed, shaking his head and pulling you closer to him. The two of you swaying slightly in a dance, in your own little world.

“Sherlock Holmes, can you not go one day without saving a life or two.” You smirked, laying your head against his chest.  

“You’re the one that has saved me.” He spoke, his tone more serious than a moment ago.

“Well that’s incredibly cheesy, but I’ll let it slide.” You teased.

The two of you had stopped dancing, but Sherlock was still holding you as if he never wanted to let you go.

“Im serious Y/N. You, you came into my life and you made everything better. I’m excited to get up in the morning, I’m excited to live, because I know you’ll be by my side. You've taught me how to love, and I never want to live another day without you by my side.” Sherlock says in a serious tone, bending down to get on one knee.

“Sherlock...” Your jaw drops, and you glance back towards the party. On John and Marys wedding day?, You thought.

“And I know what you’re thinking... it’s past midnight, not John and Mary’s day anymore.” He smiled, you hadn’t even notice him slip a ring box out of his coat pocket.

“Our day.” You smile, as a tear slips down your cheek.

“Our day, just us.” He nods, smiling just as wide as you bent down to kiss him.

“I am going to need verbal confirmation here, Y/N.” He asks as you pull apart, he's still on one knee. You laugh as more tears spill slowly.

“Yes, yes.” You cry as he slips the ring on your finger.

You jump into his arms as he stands up, catching him a little off guard, causing him to laugh.

“Just me and you...” You whispered.

“Against the rest of the world.” Sherlock finished your thought, tilting your chin up to kiss you once more.

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Thank you for reading!

Please let me know what you think!

Feedback is more important than you know.

Hope this was worth the one year wait ;)

Taglist in the reblog

[bee-kathony]

The Oath | Ch. 17 “History” 

a/n: thank you all for liking, reblogging and commenting on the last chapter! thank you so much @lcbeauchampoftarth for being my beta and for all the questions she kindly answered! hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think will happen! xx

Arc I | Ch. 16

December 7th, 2019

Ned Gowan’s office was located in old town Edinburgh near where Claire worked at the hospital. Jenny had sent Jamie his details yesterday, and thankfully, Ned had time to meet with them today. Jenny had also agreed to stay with Madeline for the day while they figured out what to do next.

Claire clocked out for her lunch break, wrapping her new tartan scarf that Jamie had bought her for her birthday around her neck. The air was crisp, with that cold bite that comes with winter in Scotland. Jamie was meeting her at Ned’s office and he had just pulled up when Claire crossed the street.

“Hello my love,” Claire smiled and stood on her toes to kiss him as he closed the car door. “It’s been too long since I’ve last kissed you.”

“Ye mean four hours?” Jamie chuckled and then kissed her again, his lips lingering after. “Any time at all is too long, Sassenach.”

“I suppose we’d better get in there, I only have 40 minutes left of my lunch break,” Claire sighed and took his hand, both walking towards the entrance of the building. Inside, it was nicely decorated — smaller than she thought, but at least the place wasn’t falling apart.

“Ned Gowan is your family’s lawyer?” Claire asked as Jamie checked in with the receptionist.

“Aye,” he nodded. “He helped my parents when my Mam’s side of the family was furious with their marriage.” Jamie led her over to a small couch in the corner while they waited. “My Mam and Da ran away together, ye ken, and got marrit. My uncles Dougal and Colum — both passed away, bless their souls, well… they didna like my Da, especially because he was a Fraser.”

“Well what’s wrong with being a Fraser?” Claire asked, rather intrigued. “Is there something I should know before I marry you, Jamie?” She poked him lightly in the ribs.

“Fraser’s are verra stubborn,” he laughed. “But ye already knew as much.” A glint of mischief shined in his eyes and Claire could imagine a troublesome young Jamie, refusing to eat his vegetables or take a bath. “Nah, there’s nothin’ wrong wi’ bein’ a Fraser, Sassenach. Tis just that for hundreds of years there was a distrust between Clan MacKenzie, which is my Mam’s family, and the Frasers.”

Claire loved listening to Jamie tell stories, especially about his past. She found that whenever he talked, she was almost enchanted — he was a natural born storyteller and she hung on every word.

“So ye can imagine my uncles’ displeasure when they find out that their lovely sister, Ellen, has run away wi’ a Fraser! ‘Black Brian’ they called him, for his silky jet black hair.” He raised his brows, touching his own auburn locks. “It sounds a bit old fashioned, clan rivalries and such, but the MacKenzies are nothin’ if no loyal to their history.”

“What did they try and do? Your parents ran away and got married, surely they didn’t have any other option but to accept it,” Claire said.

“Ahh,” Jamie grinned. “That’s where Ned comes in. Colum tried to track down my Mam and Da, but they’d gone into hiding after the marriage. It was Dougal that found them eventually, back in Broch Mordha, already starting to make a home for themselves. He’d brought Ned wi’ him to try and persuade my parents to annul the marriage. Or perhaps try and prove the marriage was false,” Jamie recalled.

“But when Dougal walked inside and saw my Mam, nearly five months pregnant, there was no’ much to be done. My father presented him wi’ their marriage certificate, and Ned confirmed twas legitimate.” He chuckled then, remembering something as if he’d actually been present and not just a thought in his parents’ minds. “My Da said that Dougal just looked at Ned and called him a bastard, saying that he was supposed to be on the MacKenzie side of things!”

“Ned wouldn’t lie, you mean? He wouldn’t try and force your parents to separate?” Claire ran her fingers slowly over Jamie’s palm, smoothing them over the lines of his hand.

“No, he wouldna. He said he could never break apart true love,” Jamie smiled down at her. “He’s a bit of a romantic. Ever since then, he’s helped our family wi’ small legal matters. Twas very helpful wi’ the whisky business and what kind of permits we needed and such.”

Claire took a deep breath, absorbing all of this new information. “Well, I’m very much looking forward to meeting this infamous Ned.”

Not a minute later, the man himself walked out into the lobby.

“Dear Jamie!” He embraced Jamie, a good foot shorter than him, his head barely reaching Jamie’s chest. “How have you been, lad? Been a long time…”

“Too long, Ned,” Jamie smiled, patting the man’s shoulder, and then turned to Claire. “I’d like ye to meet my fiancé, Claire Beauchamp.”

Bowing his head slightly, Ned reached for her hand, kissing it softly. “Tis a pleasure to meet you, Claire Beauchamp. I’ve known the Frasers for many years, yer in good company!”

“I’m glad to hear it,” she smiled. Ned Gowan was a short man with grey hair and round glasses perched on his nose. She trusted him immediately, hoping that he would be able to help them with the matter at hand.

“Let’s go into my office, shall we?” He turned back and welcomed them into his office with tall floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with books, a fireplace on the wall opposite them, and a large mahogany desk in the center of the room.

“Now,” Ned said, sitting down in a brown leather chair behind his desk. “Jamie didna tell me just exactly what ye needed my advice on. Marriage advice?” Claire saw him glance at their clasped hands where Claire’s engagement ring rested on her finger.

“No,” Jamie squeezed her hand. “We’re settled on that front, wi’ luck the weddin’ will be in the summer.”

Claire smiled at him and then let go of his hand to reach into her bag, pulling out the envelope with the paternity test in it. “We’ve come to ask about a delicate matter… one involving our child.”

“A child?” Ned looked surprised, but kept his expression in check. “Let me see how I can help, lass.”

“Our daughter, Madeline… well, she has two possible fathers. Jamie, of course, and then my ex, Frank Randall. We only just got the results of the paternity test yesterday,” Claire said as she slid the paper across his desk. “It says that Frank is her father, but we just know it can’t be possible.”

“She has hair as red as mine,” Jamie smiled and pulled out his phone, pressing the side button to show a picture of the three of them on his lockscreen.

“I dare say.” Ned moved his glasses on his nose and leaned in. “She’s the spittin’ image of ye, Jamie.”

“Which is exactly why we think that Frank has somehow messed with the results, or maybe the lab made a mistake.” Claire twisted her hands in her lap, her stomach in knots.

Ned glanced at the results, reading over all the information carefully. Jamie’s fingers tapped nervously against his thighs, waiting to hear what actions they should take.

“Well, my first bit of advice would be to find another lab and have only Jamie take a paternity test.” Ned slid the paper back to Claire and she put it back in her bag. “That will tell you for certain whether or not the results have been tampered with.”

“And if the results say that Jamie is Madeline’s father?”

“Then ye come back to see me and we’ll figure out the next move. Legal action would be required on either this Hawkins Laboratory or on your ex, Mr. Randall. But I don’t want to put anything into motion before we know the results from Jamie’s solo test.”

“Of course,” Jamie nodded, grabbing Claire’s hand again. “We should be able to get that done sometime this week. I dinna want to take this to court, but if it means proving that Madeline is in fact my daughter, so be it.”

The three of them rose, nothing further left to discuss. “Thank ye, Ned. It means a lot that ye would be the one to help us wi’ this.” Jamie shook his hand tightly and Claire laughed a little when she saw Ned flexing his hand after.

“Tis not a problem, Jamie. I’ll always help a Fraser in their time of need,” he smiled, and then they all said goodbye. Once Claire and Jamie returned to the street, she took a deep breath and leaned her head against his chest.

“That went well. As well as could be expected,” she said.

“Ye ken that I love Madeline,” Jamie looked down at her. “No matter if she is Randall’s blood and no’ mine… I love her wi’ all my heart, Sassenach. No test result can ever take that away.” He met her lips, kissing her slowly.

“I know that, Jamie. I also know how much it would mean to you if she was your blood, stubborn Fraser and all,” she grinned. “I feel good about this. Once we get the test done and get the results, I’ll feel even better.”

“Aye.” He rubbed his thumb over her cheek. “So will I. I’ll research a few labs when I get back to the office and let ye know what I find when I get home.”

“Sounds good,” Claire kissed him again. “I’ll see you at home tonight, then.”

Jamie climbed into his car to head back to work while Claire made the short walk back to the hospital, where a store-bought salad was waiting for her in the fridge.

++++++

As she walked into the hospital, Claire walked past the front desk, smiling at her friend Liesel. She waved her over, holding up a note.

“While you were out, a gentleman called for you, said he used to be a patient of yours,” the woman said and handed her a sticky note with a number to call on it.

“Did he give a name?” Claire asked, wondering why any patient of hers would call.

“No, but he was British. He said that he had a question about some kind of operation you helped perform,” Liesel shrugged. “Sounded a bit weird, but I told him I’d give you the message.”

“Hmm, well thank you, Liesel. I’ll call him later.” Claire shoved the note into her purse and walked down the hall and into the staff lounge. With only ten minutes remaining of her lunch break, Claire scarfed down her salad and reminded herself to call this mysterious patient on her way home from work.

The only thing standing in her way from going home to Jamie and Madeline was a simple cholecystectomy — a gallbladder removal. In surgery, Claire’s mind was blank, only focusing on the task before her. There was no Frank or paternity tests or potential lawsuits. Only the patient before her and the scalpel in her hand.

Two and a half hours later, Claire was changing from her scrubs to her blue jeans and white t-shirt. The next time she would have to go into work would be after the holidays thanks to her new baby keeping her occupied.

As Claire started her car, she remembered she needed to call back that patient that Liesel had mentioned. Surely, it would be just a simple call she could handle while driving home. Claire pulled out her phone and retrieved the sticky note from her bag, punching in the numbers. It rang four times before someone picked up on the other end.

“Hello, this is Dr. Beauchamp, I’m returning a call that was left for me at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary.”

“Claire,” uttered from a voice that chilled her to the core. A voice she hadn’t been expecting to hear on the other end.

“Frank.”

Her knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. Thankfully she hadn’t started driving yet, or she might have just run off the road at the sound of his voice. “Why are you leaving messages for me at my work?”

“I didn’t have many options now did I, Claire? I knew you wouldn’t answer if I were to call your phone, so the hospital was the only option,” he said.

“What is this about?” She already knew what this was about, but was hoping he had called to chat about something else.

“I received a rather interesting letter in the mail yesterday from Hawkins Laboratory. I assume that you did as well…”

“Yes, what of it?”

“The results were stated very clearly, Claire,” Frank sighed on the other end, as if he was annoyed. “I am that child’s father. I don’t want to take this to court, I’m hoping we can resolve the matter of custody between ourselves.”

“Custody?!” Claire snapped. “You’ve lost your mind if you think I would ever let you get any kind of custody, full or joint, of my daughter.”

“I have rights as her father and you know it,” Frank replied. “You can go and play house all you want with that Scottish bastard, but at the end of the day, it’s not quite as picturesque as you’d like it to be.”

“Shut your damn mouth, Frank,” Claire rolled her eyes. “I don’t want you to call me ever again, especially not at work. The next time I’ll speak to you will be with a lawyer present, now goodbye!”

Claire hung up and tossed her phone down onto the passenger seat. Her heart had started racing dangerously the moment he said her name, sending a chill down her spine. Her worst fears were all coming true and it seemed there was nothing she could do.

Closing her eyes, Claire punched the steering wheel and let out a scream — a sound she didn’t even know she had in her.

When she opened her eyes, she noticed that two people standing on the sidewalk near the car were staring at her and she waved her hand at them. “Sorry,” she softly muttered, and they kept walking, probably wondering who this crazy woman was.

“Christ, Beauchamp, keep it together.” She took a deep breath and put the car in drive.

++++++

Jamie was in the kitchen, Madeline swaddled to his chest in her sling, while he made dinner. Claire simply stood in the doorway when she got home, watching the two of them. It filled her heart with contentment to see them both, knowing that they were all hers. Jamie caught her eye and grinned, softly singing off-tune to Madeline.

“What’s on the menu, Chef Jamie?”

“Burgers!” He flipped a patty. “And I ken I shouldna have Mads so close to the stove in case the grease pops up, but she was cryin’ in her crib and the meat was about to burn…” he reasoned with her.

“It’s alright, she seems to be enjoying her sous chef duties,” Claire laughed and kissed her daughter on the head. As Jamie finished making their dinner, Claire unraveled her scarf from around her neck, shedding her winter layers on their bed. She would have to tell Jamie that Frank called, and he would rightfully, be furious.

Thankfully, Claire was still partially on maternity leave — giving her plenty of time now with Madeline. Also, this meant she could give all her attention to dealing with the paternity results.

Claire changed into comfier clothes, sliding one of Jamie’s old sweatshirts over her head before joining him back in the kitchen. He was just sliding their burgers onto plates as she took a seat at the table. Madeline was still strapped to his chest with no signs of wanting to leave, though she would need to be fed soon.

“How was the rest of yer day, Sassenach?”

Claire picked up a knife to slice her burger in half and then sighed. “Frank called me,” she spat out and then held up her finger in front of Jamie before he could respond. “He called me at work and posed as a former patient because he knew I wouldn’t answer my phone for him.”

“What does he want?” Jamie asked, his burger in midair.

“What do you think he wants?” Claire’s eyes landed on Madeline. “He got the results in the mail yesterday, same as us. He wants her… at least, he wants joint custody.”

“Joint— No. No, Sassenach. He wasna there for ye during the entire pregnancy, he cheated on ye and now all of a sudden he wants some kind of claim on her?” Jamie scoffed and took a huge bite of his burger, the juices dripping down his hand.

“Thanks for reminding me of all that,” Claire raised her brows and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie said with a mouthful of food and swallowed. “Claire, I’m sorry, I—“

“I know what you meant,” she reassured him,  one side of Claire’s mouth turned up in understanding. “But… if he is her father then he has the right to ask for custody. Of course, this is where we will need Ned’s advice. Oh! Also, did you find another lab to take the test?”

Jamie wiped his mouth with a napkin, “Aye. I did, I meant to tell ye when ye walked in, but now’s a good time as any. It’s called Edinburgh DNA Centre and it’s only a short distance from where I work.”

“Great,” Claire nodded, mentally checking that off her list. “We’ll need to do that as soon as possible. I’m sure Frank will want to move forward with any kind of custody agreements.”

Jamie made a grumbling noise, rolling his eyes. “I wish that bastard would just leave us alone.”

“Trust me,” Claire said. “I would be happy to never see his smug bloody face again.”

They finished their meal, and Claire took Madeline from Jamie to feed her. She was hungry and latched on quickly, her greedy little hands tugging on Claire’s curls.

“I’m thinking about calling Hawkins Lab,” she said softly, peering down at Madeline.

“Why?” Jamie said from the kitchen as he cleaned up the dishes. “They surely wouldn’t tell ye if they’d tampered wi’ the results.”

“I just want to know who handled our files is all,” she shrugged. “I also have a weird feeling about the name Hawkins… it sounds strangely familiar.”

“How so, Sassenach?”

“Well, I’m not sure. I swear I’ve heard that name mentioned to me several times though,” she said. “I’ll do that tomorrow probably.”

“I won’t stop ye, a nighean,” Jamie said, and then a few minutes later he joined her on the couch, sliding his arm around her shoulder. “I’ll call the DNA Centre tomorrow, book an appointment. It doesna feel like only yesterday we got the results.”

“I know,” Claire cupped Madeline’s head. “I just hope this is all resolved before Madeline’s first Christmas.”

“Me too, Sassenach.” Jamie kissed her temple. “Let’s just pray for a Christmas miracle then, aye?”

“Aye,” Claire grinned and leaned her head against his shoulder and they both watched their daughter, small and precious, their reason for living and for fighting to get the truth.

Chapter 18: I Promise To...

[novelwritingtrash]

When Harry Styles played the O2 Arena in 2018, his fans illuminated the cavernous venue in the colours of the LGBTQ Pride flag. Coordinated by a social media account called The Rainbow Project, each seating block was allocated a different colour, so that when Styles played the song Sweet Creature, an enormous rainbow emerged from the crowd. I was there, and it was pretty magical. But it was also emblematic of how Styles’s fanbase views their idol: as a queer icon. 

There’s arguably never been a better time to be an LGBTQ pop star. Acts such as Sam Smith, who came out as non-binary earlier this year, Lil Nas X, the first gay man to have a certified diamond song in America, Halsey, queer boyband Brockhampton, pansexual singer Miley Cyrus and Kim Petras, who is transgender, have all enjoyed an incredible year, bagging the biggest hits of 2019.

Still, when Styles shared Lights Up, the lead single from his forthcoming second solo album Fine Line, there was a collective intake of breath. The song and video - in which he appears shirtless in what looks like a sweaty orgy as both men and women grab at him - was heralded as a “bisexual anthem” by the media and fans on Twitter, despite not really making any explicit or obvious statements about sexuality or the LGBTQ community. Instead, Lights Up was just another example of the queer mythologising that occurs around Harry Styles.

As a member of One Direction, Styles was – aside from Zayn Malik – the group’s most charismatic and enticing member. From his first audition on The X Factor to the band’s disbandment in 2015, the teenager from Cheshire managed to elevate himself and his celebrity swiftly rose to the A list. Helping him along was speculation about his private life: during his tenure in the band he was romantically linked to everyone from Taylor Swift to Kendall Jenner.

But there were two other rumoured relationships that dogged Styles more than the others. The first was his close friendship with radio DJ Nick Grimshaw. Styles and Grimshaw were often photographed together, and there were anodyne showbiz reports about how they even shared a wardrobe. 

Inevitably, rumours suggested they were romantically linked. In fact, so prolific was speculation that during an interview with British GQ, Styles was asked point blank if he was in a relationship with Grimshaw (he denied any romantic relationship) and, in a move that upset many One Direction fans, if he was bisexual. “Bisexual? Me?” he responded.  “I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I'm not.”

The second, and perhaps most complicated of rumours, was that he and fellow bandmate Louis Tomlinson were in a relationship. Larry Stylinson, as their shipname is known, began life as fan-fiction but mutated into a wild conspiracy theory as certain fans – dubbed Larries – documented glances, gestures, touches, interviews, performances and outfits in an attempt to confirm the romance. Even now, four years after the band went on “hiatus”, videos are still being posted on YouTube in an attempt to confirm that their relationship was real.

For Tomlinson, Larry was fandom gone too far. He has repeatedly rejected the conspiracy. Styles, meanwhile, has never publicly discussed it. In fact, unlike Tomlinson, whose post-1D career trajectory has seen him adopt a loutish form of masculinity indebted to the Gallagher brothers, Styles has largely leant into the speculation surrounding his sexuality. Aside from the GQ interview, Styles has told interviewers that gender is not that important to him when it comes to dating. In 2017 he said that he had never felt the need to label his sexuality, adding: “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

Likewise, during his time touring with One Direction, and during his own solo tours, the image of Styles draped with a rainbow flag became ubiquitous. He has also donated money from merchandise sales to LGBTQ charities. His fashion sense, too, subverts gender norms: Styles has long sported womenswear, floral prints, dangly earrings and painted nails. 

Nevertheless, Styles’s hesitance to be candid has met with criticism. He has been accused of queer-baiting - or enjoying the benefits of appealing to an LGBTQ fanbase without having any of the difficulties. I’ve written before about how queer artists, who now enjoy greater visibility and are finding mainstream success, have struggled commercially owing to their sexuality or gender identity. 

Styles, who is assumed to be a cisgender, heterosexual male, doesn’t carry any of the commercial risk laden upon Troye Sivan, Years and Years or MNEK, who all use same-gender pronouns in their music and are explicitly gay in their videos. His music – with its nods to rock’n’roll, Americana and folk ­– doesn’t feel very queer, either. Looking at it this way, the queer idolisation of Harry Styles doesn’t feel deserved.

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don't think that he queer-baits, but I don't think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he's well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I'm 50-50 and I'm never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I'm okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There's such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think. 

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he's really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

One only has to look at how Styles’ celebrity manifests itself (cool, fashionable, artistic) in comparison to that of his former bandmates. Liam Payne (this week dubbed by the tabloids as a chart failure) has been a tabloid fixture since his public relationship with Cheryl Cole and relies on countless interviews, photoshoots and even an advertising campaign for Hugo Boss to maintain his fame. 

Styles, meanwhile, doesn’t really engage with social media. He also rarely appears in public and carefully chooses what kind of press he does, actively limiting the number of interviews he gives. Styles’s reticence to engage with the media and general public – perhaps a form of self-preservation – has awarded him a rare mystique that few people in the public eye possess. 

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry's queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Ultimately, the way that Styles navigates his queer fandom doesn’t feel calculated or contrived. For Eli, an 18-year-old from Orlando who grew up with One Direction, seeing Styles “grow into himself” has been important. He suggests that Styles’ queer accessibility has helped to create a safe space for fans. “Watching him on tour dance on stage every night in his frilly outfits, singing about liking boys and girls, waving around pride flags, and even helping a fan come out to her mom, really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality,” he explains.

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it's an amazing feeling. I'm aware so many queer people can't experience it so I'm very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f----” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

Shaud says that the queer community that has congregated around Styles is another reason she’s so drawn to him. “Seeing how his last tour was such an incredible site of affirmation and belonging for queers is deeply moving to me, and as older queer [Shaud is 41] I’m so grateful that all the young people growing up together with Harry have someone like him to provide that.” 

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, 'Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It's an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Ollie, 22 and from Brighton, takes a more rounded view, however: “On one hand, I think that quite simply it isn’t any of anyone else’s business. On the other, if you place yourself in the public eye to the level of fame that he has then you should be prepared to be probed about every minute detail of your personal life, whether you like it or not – you should at least be prepared to be questioned about it.” Still, he says that the good that Styles does is what’s important: “He brings fantastic support and attention to the community, whether he is actively a part of it or not.”

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

Still, if fans are expecting a queer coming of age with new album Fine Line, they will be disappointed. Lyrically, he doesn’t venture into new territory, although there are some new musical flares. He also seems like he’s started to distance himself a little from the ambiguity, too. “I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows,” he told Rolling Stone. “I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.” Having said that, within weeks Styles appeared on Saturday Night Live playing a gay social media manager, using queer slang and even wearing an S&M harness.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

“If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you,” he said earlier this year. “I love every single one of you.” In a world where LGBTQ rights are threatened and there’s socio-political insecurity, perhaps, for now at least, that’s enough.

[accidentalharrie]

maybe you or one of you followers has access to the telegraph article about Harry "Why does the world want Harry Styles to be gay" I don't know what to think about this headline and I really want to read it but its online only for subscribers

Here you go, Nons. (I hesitate to post this but…)

When Harry Styles played the O2 Arena in 2018, his fans illuminated the cavernous venue in the colours of the LGBTQ Pride flag. Coordinated by a social media account called The Rainbow Project, each seating block was allocated a different colour, so that when Styles played the song Sweet Creature, an enormous rainbow emerged from the crowd. I was there, and it was pretty magical. But it was also emblematic of how Styles’s fanbase views their idol: as a queer icon.

There’s arguably never been a better time to be an LGBTQ pop star. Acts such as Sam Smith, who came out as non-binary earlier this year, Lil Nas X, the first gay man to have a certified diamond song in America, Halsey, queer boyband Brockhampton, pansexual singer Miley Cyrus and Kim Petras, who is transgender, have all enjoyed an incredible year, bagging the biggest hits of 2019.

Still, when Styles shared Lights Up, the lead single from his forthcoming second solo album Fine Line, there was a collective intake of breath. The song and video - in which he appears shirtless in what looks like a sweaty orgy as both men and women grab at him - was heralded as a “bisexual anthem” by the media and fans on Twitter, despite not really making any explicit or obvious statements about sexuality or the LGBTQ community. Instead, Lights Up was just another example of the queer mythologising that occurs around Harry Styles.

As a member of One Direction, Styles was – aside from Zayn Malik – the group’s most charismatic and enticing member. From his first audition on The X Factor to the band’s disbandment in 2015, the teenager from Cheshire managed to elevate himself and his celebrity swiftly rose to the A list. Helping him along was speculation about his private life: during his tenure in the band he was romantically linked to everyone from Taylor Swift to Kendall Jenner.

But there were two other rumoured relationships that dogged Styles more than the others. The first was his close friendship with radio DJ Nick Grimshaw. Styles and Grimshaw were often photographed together, and there were anodyne showbiz reports about how they even shared a wardrobe.

Inevitably, rumours suggested they were romantically linked. In fact, so prolific was speculation that during an interview with British GQ, Styles was asked point blank if he was in a relationship with Grimshaw (he denied any romantic relationship) and, in a move that upset many One Direction fans, if he was bisexual. “Bisexual? Me?” he responded.  “I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

The second, and perhaps most complicated of rumours, was that he and fellow bandmate Louis Tomlinson were in a relationship. Larry Stylinson, as their shipname is known, began life as fan-fiction but mutated into a wild conspiracy theory as certain fans – dubbed Larries – documented glances, gestures, touches, interviews, performances and outfits in an attempt to confirm the romance. Even now, four years after the band went on “hiatus”, videos are still being posted on YouTube in an attempt to confirm that their relationship was real.

For Tomlinson, Larry was fandom gone too far. He has repeatedly rejected the conspiracy. Styles, meanwhile, has never publicly discussed it. In fact, unlike Tomlinson, whose post-1D career trajectory has seen him adopt a loutish form of masculinity indebted to the Gallagher brothers, Styles has largely leant into the speculation surrounding his sexuality. Aside from the GQ interview, Styles has told interviewers that gender is not that important to him when it comes to dating. In 2017 he said that he had never felt the need to label his sexuality, adding: “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

Likewise, during his time touring with One Direction, and during his own solo tours, the image of Styles draped with a rainbow flag became ubiquitous. He has also donated money from merchandise sales to LGBTQ charities. His fashion sense, too, subverts gender norms: Styles has long sported womenswear, floral prints, dangly earrings and painted nails.

Nevertheless, Styles’s hesitance to be candid has met with criticism. He has been accused of queer-baiting - or enjoying the benefits of appealing to an LGBTQ fanbase without having any of the difficulties. I’ve written before about how queer artists, who now enjoy greater visibility and are finding mainstream success, have struggled commercially owing to their sexuality or gender identity.

Styles, who is assumed to be a cisgender, heterosexual male, doesn’t carry any of the commercial risk laden upon Troye Sivan, Years and Years or MNEK, who all use same-gender pronouns in their music and are explicitly gay in their videos. His music – with its nods to rock’n’roll, Americana and folk ­– doesn’t feel very queer, either. Looking at it this way, the queer idolisation of Harry Styles doesn’t feel deserved.

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don’t think that he queer-baits, but I don’t think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he’s well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I’m 50-50 and I’m never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I’m okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There’s such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he’s really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

One only has to look at how Styles’ celebrity manifests itself (cool, fashionable, artistic) in comparison to that of his former bandmates. Liam Payne (this week dubbed by the tabloids as a chart failure) has been a tabloid fixture since his public relationship with Cheryl Cole and relies on countless interviews, photoshoots and even an advertising campaign for Hugo Boss to maintain his fame.

Styles, meanwhile, doesn’t really engage with social media. He also rarely appears in public and carefully chooses what kind of press he does, actively limiting the number of interviews he gives. Styles’s reticence to engage with the media and general public – perhaps a form of self-preservation – has awarded him a rare mystique that few people in the public eye possess.

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry’s queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Ultimately, the way that Styles navigates his queer fandom doesn’t feel calculated or contrived. For Eli, an 18-year-old from Orlando who grew up with One Direction, seeing Styles “grow into himself” has been important. He suggests that Styles’ queer accessibility has helped to create a safe space for fans. “Watching him on tour dance on stage every night in his frilly outfits, singing about liking boys and girls, waving around pride flags, and even helping a fan come out to her mom, really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality,” he explains.

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it’s an amazing feeling. I’m aware so many queer people can’t experience it so I’m very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f—-” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

Shaud says that the queer community that has congregated around Styles is another reason she’s so drawn to him. “Seeing how his last tour was such an incredible site of affirmation and belonging for queers is deeply moving to me, and as older queer [Shaud is 41] I’m so grateful that all the young people growing up together with Harry have someone like him to provide that.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, ‘Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It’s an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Ollie, 22 and from Brighton, takes a more rounded view, however: “On one hand, I think that quite simply it isn’t any of anyone else’s business. On the other, if you place yourself in the public eye to the level of fame that he has then you should be prepared to be probed about every minute detail of your personal life, whether you like it or not – you should at least be prepared to be questioned about it.” Still, he says that the good that Styles does is what’s important: “He brings fantastic support and attention to the community, whether he is actively a part of it or not.”

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

Still, if fans are expecting a queer coming of age with new album Fine Line, they will be disappointed. Lyrically, he doesn’t venture into new territory, although there are some new musical flares. He also seems like he’s started to distance himself a little from the ambiguity, too. “I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows,” he told Rolling Stone. “I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.” Having said that, within weeks Styles appeared on Saturday Night Live playing a gay social media manager, using queer slang and even wearing an S&M harness.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

“If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you,” he said earlier this year. “I love every single one of you.” In a world where LGBTQ rights are threatened and there’s socio-political insecurity, perhaps, for now at least, that’s enough.

[grapesodatozier]

can i get a long head canon list for soft reddie??

of course you can!! 💕 i really took you up on the “long” part lmao so this is under a cut!!

okay so imagine… reddie meeting on the bus

y’all know eddies That Bitch who puts his bag on the seat next to him

it’s his first day on this route bc it’s the first day of his new job

he finds an empty seat and puts his bag next to him as usual, but the bus gets p full at the next stop

a few people get on at the stop after that, and even though eddies staring very intently at a book he’s not really reading, he sees the guy looming over him out of the corner of his eye

“is this seat taken?”

eddies got his public transportation subtle “I’m not interested in conversation” glare ready, but it gets wiped right off his face when he looks up and sees that the guy is fucking hot

“no” eddie pulls his bag off the seat so the guy can sit down

“thanks” the guy grins, and eddie gives back a shy smile. what can he say? he’s gay and a sucker for tall guys with fluffy hair

and the guy kinda spreads his legs into eddies space, which eddie wants to be mad about but like… he smells good so eddie doesn’t say anything

also, eddie rationalizes, he’s tall, so he probably couldn’t help spreading out a little

and eddie kinda wants him in his space

eddie turns back to his book, still not really reading it

“watcha reading?”

eddie tells him

“what’s it about?”

“honestly… I couldn’t tell you”

the guy laughs at that and it’s one of the best sounds eddie has ever heard

and eddie has always done everything in his power to avoid talking to people on public transportation, but this guy is weirdly fun to talk to??

he learns the guys name is richie and tells him that his name is eddie

“I’ve never seen you on this route before” and eddie tells him about his new job

he’s almost sad when he has to get off the bus, but the interaction put him in a good mood and calmed some of his first day jitters

he blushes when richie winks at him and says he’ll see him around (he also wishes eddie good luck, which makes eddie smile)

eddie is surprised but delighted to find richie on the bus when he gets on to go home (though he supposes it makes sense if they’re both working the same 8 hours a day)

there’s a seat open next to him, but eddies not sure if it would be weird to sit next to him?? his heart jumps when richie makes eye contact with him and beams

“eds!” he calls and pats the seat next to him

eddie blushes and takes the seat, giving richie a confused smile “eds?”

“yeah! a cute nickname for a cute guy”

eddie shakes his head and blushes. he pulls his book out, but he kinda knows he won’t get much reading done

sure enough richie talks his ear off until he reaches his stop, and eddies sad to see him leave

he can’t stop thinking about him all night. life alone in his new and still fairly empty apartment is lonely, and he kinda wishes that boisterous voice was filling the silence rather than an episode of the great british bake off

but richie gets on the bus again the next day!! and he sits next to eddie and talks to him the whole way

there’s someone next to richie when eddie gets on that afternoon, which makes his heart drop. richie doesn’t seem to be paying them any mind tho, his headphones are on and his eyes have already found eddie. they exchange smiles and small waves and eddie takes a seat further up the crowded bus next to a sweet looking old lady

he spends the ride pretending to read, his heart weirdly heavy

there are fingers brushing his shoulder at richies stop, and he gives eddie a smile as he gets off

“see you tomorrow”

eddie spends all night thinking about that touch and that smile

the next morning eddie “accidentally” brushes his leg up against richies, and he gets a silly little thrill from it

that afternoon richie has his bag on the seat next to him and smiles knowingly when eddie spots it

“this seat taken?” eddie asks

“reserved, actually” richie grins as he takes his bag off the seat

eddie can’t even try to hide his smile as he sits down

eddie has some friends in town who he gets dinner with that night and he tells them about richie almost immediately

“you met a guy on the bus?” mike asks, both amused and skeptical

“mike, this guy is so my type it’s ridiculous. and he’s funny!! and he saved me a seat next to him today!!”

ben teases him for flirting like a first grader

but the weeks roll on and eddie and richie talk every day, each day learning more and more about one another, and eddie just gets more and more smitten

he genuinely misses richie the one day he’s sick

one day someone asks if they can sit next to him and he says “sorry I’m saving this seat for someone at the next stop” and it makes him weirdly happy??

one day someone tells them their a cute couple, and while eddie stammers out an explanation that they’re not, richie just beams and pinches eddies cheeks

“hear that eds? we’re the couple of the year!”

the idea makes eddies heart flutter and his head feel light

and he continues to talk ben and mikes ears off about it

pretty soon eddie and richie exchange numbers and snapchats

they don’t text much, but richie sends eddie a lot of funny snaps of his day

he once sends him a selfie with one of those reindeer filters when December comes around and eddie can’t believe how cute it is

as the holidays roll around, so does the county holiday stroll

eddie goes with ben and mike and snapchats richie a picture of something related to a conversation they’d had

richie snaps back almost immediately with a picture of a hot chocolate stand captioned “heyyy I’m here too!! come find me 😘”

and richie always uses those kinds of emojis but it still never fails to make eddies heart race

he excitedly shows ben and mike the snap and tells them to keep their eyes out for “the tallest, hottest guy you’ve ever seen”

he also mentions the glasses

eddie blames his shaking hands on the cold, but he knows it’s because he’s never seen richie anywhere other than the bus and he’s nervous and excited

eddies at a stall looking at hats when suddenly there’s a pair of large, cold hands covering his eyes

and then that voice is right in his ear asking “guess who?”

it makes him jump a bit, but he’s beaming as he turns around and sees richie grinning down at him

richie introduces eddie to his friends bev, stan, and bill and eddie introduces him to ben and mike

they start going through the fair as a group of seven, but then there’s a pie stand that richie insists on stopping at despite the crazy long line

“I’ll stay with you” eddie offers, throwing mike and ben a meaningful look

“yeah we’ll catch up!!” richie tells the other five. eddie doesn’t notice richies friends smirking and shaking their heads, too caught up in richie

and then they’re alone, and the conversation flows as beautifully as it always does

they end up sharing a slice of pumpkin pie and taking their time strolling through the festival, neither of them making any effort to catch up with their friends

“hey, do you maybe wanna come over?” eddie asks, surprising himself. he rolls his eyes when richie raises his eyebrows suggestively. “not like that, I just meant… I like hanging out with you, and I’d kinda like to do that somewhere where there’s not a ton of people around

richie eagerly agrees

so they each text their friends and they wind up in eddies apartment shivering

they settle on the couch with some hot chocolate they bought and put on Netflix, but they just wind up talking more

and they’re sharing a blanket and it’s starting to snow and richie looks so nice with his rosy cheeks and his bright blue eyes and his shaggy curls

they both barely realize the conversation dying down as they just look at each other

eddie brushes a stray curl from richies face, and then, after a moment of their eyes meeting to confirm, they both lean in

they spend the night kissing lazily and talking about their feelings, laughing over how into each other they were from the start and recounting all the obvious flirtations they’d both missed

and they cuddle under blankets until richie says he has to go around 1am

richie takes him on a real date the next day

they also start staying at each other’s apartments and riding the bus together, getting on together in the morning and off together in the afternoon

and they always always cuddle

eddie learns that richie loves to kiss him everywhere all the time - his nose, his fingers, his stomach, even his knees, and eddie loves it so much

he loves playing with richies curls, still as endeared by them as they first day they met

eventually they move in together and buy a car, but they still commute together almost every day

[1wngdngl]

Pokemon Shield playthrough - Part 5

Back again with another post! This one covers Route 5 and the Water Gym.

Just as I start down the route, I encounter the Cameraman/Reporter duo, who are a classic trainer pair from past games. Given that all the Gym Challenge stuff is a big spectacle in the Galar region, it makes perfect sense that Gym Challengers would get interviewed along the way.

This horde of Minccino chased after me. It was adorable.

I discovered the Pokemon breeding-grounds - or at least, the artificial version of it. This is not the same as the old “Day-Care” that could also level up Pokemon. The Nursery is solely for eggs, while Levelling up can be done with PokeJobs and the experience candies.

The people here are really nice - they gave me a free rare Pokemon!

It’s like a baby dinosaur! I believe this is also the first Poison-Electric combo we’ve had.

Since I don’t want to have duplicate types, I remove Yamper from the team. I prefer dual-types, plus this purple dinosaur looks cooler. Okay, so he starts at Level 1, and he’s pretty frail, but I can be patient.

Leaving the Nursery behind, I encounter another traditional trainer class - the Chef. He sends out food to attack me.

I also find a wild Wobbuffet - and promptly realize just how horrible its catch rate is.

I wasted every last Poke Ball on this fiend. At least he gave decent experience when I knocked his lights out.

I consoled myself by catching the weird apple creature for myself. Here’s another unique type combo - Grass and Dragon (wait, does Mega Sceptile have that typing?) It only knows a defense-raising move and the incredibly-weak Astonish, and has horrible stats all around. I’m sure it will evolve into something great, if I can figure it out. (btw, is it weird that Galar has both apples /and/ “Leppa” berries?)

I decided that my psychic-bug-cocoon wasn’t doing enough for me, so it got booted off the team.

I also got a second try at Wobbuffet ;)

This guy has a nice camping spot for himself. He never leaves. Maybe he ran away from home?

Seeing a pink puffball and an apple fight over a toy is too cute for words.

My coworker also has this game, and was kind enough to trade over this incredibly-high level Wingull. Not that I really plan to use it, but it /does/ have Pokerus. You’d think by now the nurses and professors of the Pokemon world would have learned to harness the power of Pokerus and turn it into a mandatory booster shot.

Back on track, these silly Team Yell people are blocking the bridge forward.

I get to see what my Dark-type fox /could/ have evolved into, if it were still on my team :( It looks like a proper gentleman-thief.

I love Pokemon - you save someone from getting their precious possession stolen, and as thanks, they give you their precious possession.

Too bad the outfit for it is so garish.

The blue color is a little better though.

Now that I have a bike, I can go into the Wild Area and try the Rotom Rally mini-game. It’s basically a time trial as you travel between different regions of the Wild Area. It looks like you can’t get attacked by wild Pokemon while in this Rally mode, so it’s probably the quickest way to get around (minus the flying taxi, of course).

These guys can also upgrade your bike a bit, but it’s expensive. And they don’t have the ride-on-water option either.

You know, Serebii.net says that Bunnelby doesn’t evolve until Level 20. This is an illegal Diggersby here!

Okay. Back on the bridge. Riding is so much faster than walking, but I keep stopping anyway to grab hidden items and look at the scenery. You can see the Dragon city in the background.

Another fight with my rival on the bridge. His Scorbunny has evolved, but it’s still not too tough.

In this place, Eldegoss literally float by on the wind. 

Here’s the tunnel that ducks under the train tracks. What could be on the other side?

That can wait! First, I gotta get my Pokemon sent out on more jobs. I love this logo that’s a blatant KFC rip-off.

Oh, I also discovered that you can, in fact, change the wallpaper of PC boxes. All of the choices are pretty boring, though.

Also, my coworker invited me on a raid battle with a 5-star Ditto. I have a bad feeling about this...

Scorbunny’s final form is so majestic.

None of the previous raid battles I fought had “barriers”! Is that something that only shows up in multiplayer raids?

This is it. We’ve weakened it, and now I have the chance to obtain this rare, useful, iconic Pokemon for myself...

Yeah, I failed the capture. I didn’t know they could fail. At least I got some good loot.

FINALLY, I make it to the seaside town of Hulbury. I wonder which British coastal town this is based on? For being the main port of the region, it’s not really all that big.

We encounter Chairman Rose and some of his “admirers”.

We also learn a little more about the relationship between Rose and Bede. Apparently Bede really wants to impress the Chairman, so maybe he’s not so much “working for him” as trying to gain his favor.

You know, I really don’t think he pulls off that outfit. What is it even - a mix of baseball uniform and swim trunks?

Oleana thinks she can boss me around.

I don’t owe you anything, silly person! This is /my/ Pokemon journey. And I’ll take as long as I want. ^.^

Sigh...Why can’t I just throw my coal monster at these goons to get past? My character is way too nice.

Oh, here’s another look at that elephant Pokemon that the Chairman had. It looks like it’s wearing a little hat.

Also, please be more creative when naming locations.

Here’s the “bustling market” I was told about? Must be a slow day.

We’ve got the stock “bitter medicine” booth (I never use these)...

Ah! Here’s something useful. You can bet I will use this item to maximize my earnings from every battle. I haven't seen an option to re-battle trainers yet, and those cool outfits won’t buy themselves.

I trade away for a Cottonee. You know, why don’t people in real life just trade pets with each other whenever they feel like it?

Pokemon, Pokemon...People already say your recent games are too easy, and now you’re giving me a free held item that’s super-effective against the current Gym? (Yet another sign that you should ignore Oleana and /not/ go straight to the Gym upon arrival.)

If nothing else, Hulbury is scenic. I bet the dock is covered with Wingull droppings though.

These people obviously don’t get the point of Pokemon.

With the hills overlooking the sea, I’m reminded of Los Angeles - or was it San Francisco? It’s probably a lot colder in Hulbury though.

Here’s the train station at the top of the town. Of course it can’t take me anywhere new. What if my dying grandmother lived in the next town over - would you let me get on /then/?

I never got into Pokemon’s post-game battle facilities much. I wonder what Galar will have in that department.

I go fishing in the pier, and find a few new Pokemon. That seems to confirm that what you catch is based on where you are, so there’s no rod upgrades.

Good to see that Basculin still comes in two forms. I’m guessing Sword version has the red form?

Another sneaky way to help players - hide a Chinchou in the pier. Its electric attacks would also be useful against the Water Gym.

Aha! Here’s that Pokemon we saw in the trailer, when everyone wasn’t sure if it /was/ a Pokemon or just a generic fish. Well, it is real, though it doesn’t look that useful. It actually looks like a skinnier version of red-striped Basculin.

Nope, not keeping you. I only have six slots!

Some more postcard pictures.

Here’s that weird-looking Pokemon that was also glimpsed in the trailer. Will I be able to find this in the wild?

A hidden Electric-type TM. This is why you explore and do side stuff /before/ continuing the main story.

About ready to face the Gym now. First, now that I’ve entered a new town, I have some new options for my league card.

Here’s a brief look at where I am so far.

And a preview of Nessa. That pose cannot be comfortable.

My team. I’m hoping Avery’s Electric attacks will help, even though he is a bit under-leveled...

First, the Gym puzzle. It’s not really that hard. You could probably do it completely by accident.

In the old days, we had puzzles involving sliding around on icy floors, and using the Strength HM to push boulders into the correct holes. Now /that/ was a puzzle!

I wonder if Nessa ever gets cold, wearing that?

Her Dreadnaw wasn’t a super-high level, but it was incredibly powerful.

It knocked out my Dynamaxed Pokemon, even when the Dreadnaw itself was small!

I had no choice but to pull out my starter, and fight water with water.

Turns out Nessa’s calm demeanor breaks when she faces failure.

And now it’s dusk. I still don’t get how time of day works in this game - is it just an aesthetic thing related to the story?

A change in lighting can make for totally different pictures.

I have access to a new job company. They must be a sponsor for Nessa, since she wore a pin with their logo. Does this mean we can actually encounter Wailord in the game?

I also get the Chairman’s league card. I like the way he writes his signature.

You know the drill - can’t advance with my life until I follow the plotted line into this restaurant. At least it looks fancy inside. I like the Wishi-Washi designs on the floor.

Some story stuff happens. I am completely extraneous to this conversation.

I don’t really know how I feel about the Chairman. I still think he’s probably up to no good, but he’s not the cackling-evil sort that Lusamine was. Maybe it’s actually Oleana who’s evil, and Rose is being manipulated.

This restaurant: Nice location, horrible service. The whole time I sat here - empty glasses, and no food. If I’m gonna be forced to sit and listen to some exposition, I should at least get a meal out of it. 

Okay, that’s all for now! In the next entry, I will enter this tunnel into yet another mine.

[jamiebamberdaily]

Strike Back Trailer Breakdown

The long awaited trailer for the next season of Strike Back finally arrived on Friday 21st December 2018, and it gave us a first look at Jamie's character, and the new Section 20 commanding officer, Colonel Alexander Coltrane.

We don't see much of Alex, but with what we have seen, we found ourselves speculating a lot already about the Colonel.

But how much can two girls try and decipher from a 90 second trailer? Well, as it turns out, a hell of a lot...

Meeting Alex

The first time we meet Alex in the trailer is him addressing the team on their mission, however, later we see him meeting the team of Mac, Wyatt and Novin, on a rooftop and given the severity of their mission, it must be urgent for him to wait for them. So we assume that on the rooftop is the group’s first meeting with their new commanding officer.

Alex in trouble?

We could be jumping the gun on this one, but at one point in the trailer, we see someone in the background of a scene; someone, that to us looks very much like Alex, is being dragged away by two men.

It's hard to say whether it is him, but the clothing looks very similar to an outfit we happen to know he wears at some point during the series.

Guns, guns, guns

At least twice in the trailer, we see Alex with two different types of guns.

One being a pistol, likely a SIG or a Glock, as they tend to be military issue guns, the other being a larger assualt rifle that we see very briefly after he blows something up.

Bomb past?

One thing that stood out for us was him mainly being in charge of the bombs in the trailer and we immediately wondered if he was possibly a bomb expert whilst in the army. We already know he's a veteran with a lot of experience so given the fact he delicately puts a bomb on a petrol can and then detonates a bomb, it could well be a credible theory.

“I've taken us off books.”

We think Alex is a bit of a rebel. To feel he has to take the team off the books at some point in the mission must mean he's taken them down a path that is a little unorthodox; but we're sure it's for the best of the team.

The thing that stuck out to us at this moment was his use of the word “us”. The difference we feel between him and Adeena (the teams last CO) is the fact that to us, it feels already like he's working with the team, and not just ordering them around. With Donovan, she used the team for her own good, getting the team to take out Lowry to protect her personal secret. Alex doesn't seem to have a personal connection to the people behind this case, which means that he doesn't need to protect himself and he can work as the leader, the veteran.

Alex and Chetri

Not only do we get our first glimpse of him, we're also treated to meeting his new Communications Officer – the role previously occupied by Will Jensen (played by Phil Dunster) – Lance Corporal Manisha Chetri as portrayed by actress Varada Sethu.

Already, we feel their relationship is a close one, trust is definitely there but it'll be very interesting to see how they came to work together and how the relationship already is and how it progresses.

As much as Alex is all we've really payed attention to - I mean, we are a Bamber fanpage after all, we felt it was worth picking up on a few other points in the trailer.

Wyatt suspended?

It seems that at some stage between the first clip of the trailer, and the second clip Wyatt finds himself suspended.

We see Wyatt taking charge of some recruits and Mac and Novin arrive in one of the army trucks. Considering Mac and Novin seem to know what's going on when they go to see Wyatt, it feels that he must've taken something a step further and landed himself a temporary suspension (as Mac informs him it has been lifted) from the Section.

International Incident

Chetri mentions that if they're “discovered” then it's an “international incident.” It intrigues us about what they as a team are up to. We get that Section 20 is the kind of group that takes things further than most, but to potentially cause an international incident doesn't sound too good.

Chetri In Danger

A very brief moment of the trailer shows Chetri being grabbed from behind. We hope nothing bad happens to her, though we have faith the team will get to her quickly if she is pulled into things too far.

Katrina Zarkova

Another main character of the series is disavowed Russian agent, Katrina Zarkova played by actress, Yasemin Kay Allen. We hear her speak over a part of the trailer, and two clips of her character in action. 

Our Theories

We could be here for hours speculating on a one minute, forty five second trailer and believe us, we have. So there's a lot we feel and can hope for in the upcoming series of Strike Back in regards to Jamie’s character.

Alex’s Background

Broken

If you think about how the current team, Mac and Wyatt (implied) had some kind of trouble with their former units. You don’t become a part of this team without being a little special. Alex is a veteran, we know that so he would want to be able to be a part of team that he can keep in line but judging by the trailer, he is heavily involved in teamwork so wants to still show his worth as someone who wants to fight for his country.

He’ll need the team, and after Donovan, the team will need him. Donovan knew that Idrisi and Lowry were the target so restarted the Section purely so she could get a team of highly trained officers to take her down because of their past. She barely had any fieldwork, only when she believed that she knew where she was, and instead forced the team to do the majority of the dirty work.

We feel Alex will be the opposite, he may be hiding little bits about his past, which will be understandable, but it’ll be nothing like Donovan, it will have no connection to the case; if there is something to hide. She demanded respect, probably because she felt she put the team back together, and gave them a chance to show what they are capable of. We don’t believe Alex to be like that; he won’t demand or want respect, we feel that something likely happened in his past that will mean he feels he doesn’t deserve it and instead has to earn it.

Bomb Past

We said earlier that we still have a little inkling that maybe bombs was a heavy part of his past. He seems to be quite involved in setting and detonating them. Last series, we didn’t see bombs being set quite so much, but Alex seems to know what he’s doing with them. We think it’ll be great to have that sort of part of him.

Outside Bet

We couldn’t help but think of the possibility of PTSD. We could be just wishing for this because we know that Jamie would take such a story line and smash it to pieces with his talent. As a Veteran, he would’ve seen so much, so who knows what he has witnessed in his career.

It’s a long shot, but not one to rule out.

Team Dynamics

One Of The Team

If you look at the promo, he is forefront, and already looks like he has come in, and immediately taken charge. He has fieldwork, as does Chetri, and though he’s a veteran, I don’t think he’s ready to leave that behind just yet. 

He sees the team as just that, a team; he doesn’t set himself aside from that, he doesn’t see them as the team, and he as the commander. Alex sees himself as part of one team, a team of equals.

Lance Corporal Manisha Chetri

We already feel that he has brought her along. Perhaps they were in the same unit and he saw her potential. There’s already trust there, a lot of it and you don’t build that sort of trust and belief in each other after a few days or weeks, it could take months, maybe even years.

Alex doesn’t demand or want respect because he feels he doesn’t deserve it, but Chetri will believe in him more than he probably will believe in himself. If things go wrong, she will take just as much, if not more of the blame than he will, because she will defend him and the team to the ends of the earth. Not that he will agree with that.

The team will have lost a lot of trust after Donovan, so Chetri could potentially be the one to keep the team together, telling them that they need to trust him because he needs that trust and belief otherwise he might break.

Basically, we already love Chetri, Alex won’t want no one else alongside him in that Crib doing what she does, and neither do we.

The Section

We believe that out of all the team we met in the last series, Mac will be the most trusting towards a new CO. Wyatt has serious issues with authority as we saw when we first met him in the last series and he will find it difficult to want another CO after last time. After what happened with Jensen, Gracie will have trust issues after what Adeena did to him and we think she’ll be reluctant to want to trust Alex either but she likely will much quicker than Wyatt will.

Mac will likely trust Alex quicker than all of them and will need to be he one to prove to Novin and particularly Wyatt that Alex is the type of CO they need. He’ll identify with Alex (maybe because they’re both British and would know their army well), they could potentially have similar backstories that they’ll end up bonding over. 

The Colonel will likely want Mac by his side more than Wyatt, at least at the beginning as we think he’ll be reluctant to take anyone who doesn’t trust him so will take Mac instead. They’ll be in such sync with each other and will instantly know what each of their next moves are.

With Dan (MacPherson) already confirming that Wyatt’s past will be explored further this season, could be the key to their trust, whatever happened. Alex will either know already or something will trigger the need for a conversation.

Novin is a smart cookie and will soon realise that Alex is the right man for the job - maybe she or one of the other team members will have heard his name mentioned before - and though she likely won’t trust him straight away, we think she will grow to trust him just as much as Mac instantly will. After what happened to Jensen, she’ll have this instinct to protect Chetri, because she wouldn’t be able to face it happening again. They’ll get close, like best friends or sisters and she’ll feel this need to protect her more than the others!

Katrina Zarkova

Though she’s barely seen in the trailer, we can speculate a little on what to expect in terms of how she fits in with the team. Judging by the synopsis of the series, she’s not one to be immediately trusted, but giving her Russian connection, Katrina could end up being the only lead the team have.

We think that some tense fireworks will definitely explode between her and Gracie and they will be some fantastic scenes to look out for.

DISCLAIMER: In the unlikely event that Alex ends up being the complete opposite to what we have imagined then it’s worth saying that the writers should prepare for riots. (Joking! OK, maybe half joking...)

[obscuniverse]

Obscu comments: Ready Player One, Part 1.

This is @derinthemadscientist‘s fault. Chapter 0

“I was sitting in my hideout watching cartoons“ Okay you’re either a grizzled old veteran with an actual hideout who watches cartoons because they can, or an awkward child who calls their room a ‘hideout’.

“globally networked“ unlike all other MMOS, apparently.

“At first, I couldn’t understand why the media was making such a big deal of the billionaire’s death.“ Awkward child it is.

“so the unwashed masses“ Could you maybe try harder to sound aloof and superior? I’m just not getting your disdainful sneering coming through as clear as I’d like.

I’m all of three paragraphs in and here and I can feel the neckbeard.

“But that was the rub. James Halliday had no heirs.“ And if this was set in a feudal monarchy, that would be an issue.

You’re gonna make this an issue, aren’t you Ernest?

“He’d spent the last fifteen years of his life in self-imposed isolation, during which time—if the rumors were to be believed —he’d gone completely insane.“ So the board of directors voted to remove him as CEO of the company like 14 years ago, right? Because massive global corporate juggernauts that have somehow established a telecommunications monopoly are not run by one person pedalling a bike to power a single computer in their own locked room.

You do know that, right?

Right, Ernest?

That’s okay though, I mean Halliday is probably having fun willing away his personal fortune.

“had everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their cornflakes” is this entire book going to read like a forum post? It is, isn’t it? Isn’t it, Ernest?

“His video message was actually a meticulously constructed short film titled Anorak’s Invitation“ A quick google tells me that, aside from being a kind of jacket, ‘Anorak’ is British slang for a person with obsessive niche interests. The global billionaire’s Final Message is basically entitled ‘Letter from a huge fuckin weeb’.

Also, how else would it be constructed? What purpose does ‘meticulous’ serve here? Is that unusual for a global tech billionaire? Was it especially meticulous? What is this description contrasting with, Ernest? Your own writing?

I’m going to sail right past the part where he had global admin rights to what’s literally the internet despite being AWOL for 15 years and this didn’t concern anybody at all. Let’s just say he ‘built a backdoor’ into it that has somehow gone unnoticed for several decades in a system that would be continually maintained and updated by thousands of sysadmins. Okay, it’s fine, he’s the creator of the core system. I’ll suspend my disbelief that his personal backdoor didn’t end up in the bin every time they upgraded something in the core build. Maybe it did and he rebuilt it, stealthily, all over again. Fine, but I’ve got my eye on you, Ernest.

“surpassing even the Zapruder film“ Just call it the Kennedy Assassination tape so nobody has to google it, Ernest.

Ernest, buddy, why am I seeing an ast-- oh, it’s a footnote. You’ve written your prologue chapter with fucking footnotes. Could you not figure out how to write more words with the rest of the words, Ernest?

My. God. There are seven footnotes. Of them, six say some version of “this was photoshopped in from an 80′s movie to confirm that this was, in fact from the 80′s. Did I mention the 80′s?” and the seventh is “this is a photo of the Rich Man of the Internet from the 80′s”. I really feel like Ernest has set up a much more interesting story and then elected to ignore it in favour of writing the gamergate manifesto of a 16-year-old boy. There’s apparently a nuclear war going on in the background, and one nerd somehow became the God-King of the Internet despite the fact that literally any first-world government would immediately try to seize this kind of centralised infrastructure away from him. Does this mean governments are a thing of the past? Is this entire story taking place in some kind of children’s creche in the Shadowrun continuity? I have so many questions, and none of them are about this book.

So God-King Jimmy is a 40-something-old man dancing in a re-edited scene of an 80′s highschool movie dance. I don’t know why it takes six sentences to say this, except to say that he danced flawlessly, and also:

“But Halliday has no dance partner. He is, as the saying goes, dancing with himself.” Is he now, Ernest? Is he really? To be fair to Ernest, I also wrote like this. In highschool. While desperately trying to inflate an essay to reach the wordcount.

“A few lines of text appear briefly at the lower left-hand corner of the screen, listing the name of the band, the song’s title, the record label, and the year of release, as if this were an old music video airing on MTV: Oingo Boingo, “Dead Man’s Party,” MCA Records, 1985.” We know how music videos work, Ernest.

“He breaks the fourth wall, addressing the viewer, and begins to read“. Is that what he’s doing by addressing the viewer, Ernest?  I’m so glad that you clarified that for me, Ernest, that when a character is breaking that fourth wall that they are explicitly breaking the fourth wall. What would we do without your propensity for re-describing your own descriptions, Ernest?

“I, James Donovan Halliday, being of sound mind and disposing memory, do hereby make, publish, and declare this instrument to be my last will and testament, hereby revoking any and all wills and codicils by me at any time heretofore made.…” *record scratch* I’m not sure this is legally binding. I mean you’ve gone through a truly painstaking amount of effort to describe how heavily-edited this video is. Maybe Emperor Jimmy is fraudulently edited in? Maybe that’s not a binding legal will? Maybe if he’s been a missing person for 15 years then he can’t be assumed to be of sound mind just because he suddenly shows up and says he is? Okay, maybe it’s just seemed like he’s been gone to the general public rather than the C-level of his company, who are somehow okay with the stock crash this is going to cause. “My entire estate, including a controlling share of stock in my company“ Hold up, buttercup. I have exhausted my supply of willing suspension of disbelief, Ernest.

There is just so much wrong with this entire premise. The awol hermit somehow retains control of The Internet. An entire corporate conglomerate and every country that may or may not exist is either okay with this or has no recourse to do anything about it somehow. Not a single one of the thousands of people who maintain the backend bothers to comb through the code to find where this ‘easter egg’ has been slipped in. You know about code, right Ernest? I mean I take it you’ve at least seen The Matrix, yeah? Remember how people sitting outside the matrix can scan through the code, even in that hellscape where they’re not even the ones that control it? Sure, OASIS probably isn’t open-source... but how many people do you think have actual backend access? Spoiler: It’s not “Just Emperor Jimmy”, Ernest. Nobody at that company needs to play through what I can only imagine is a painstakingly convoluted puzzle quest that you’re about to explain to me in several levels of unnecessary detail.

Look, this entire premise reminds me of Breaking Bad. Not any of the good bits, mind you but the bit where the entire plot could only take place in the USA because in the rest of the developed world Walter White just goes to a fucking doctor and gets treatment for his cancer because healthcare actually exists.

That’s what this is like. The number of arbitrarily nonsensical things that must be true for this premise to work is... Incredibly distracting. Nothing about this is a reasonable situation. Nothing that you’ve established about this world suggests that anything about this makes even a little bit of sense. Now I’m aware that ‘eccentric millionaire leaves money in some kind of convoluted contest’ is a trope and I remember some very silly 90′s movies based on this premise but come on Ernest. There’s a much more interesting novel hiding between the lines of the premise you’ve ham-fistedly implied just so you can list for me the brands of 1980′s televisions. Out of curiousity, I googled every person who wrote the advance praise comments inside the cover. I had a sneaking suspicion about the demographics of people who enjoy this book. Here’s a brief summary (since Ernest loves lists so much) 1. White American Male, Age 48

2. White American Male, Age 47

3. White American Male, Age 52

4. White American Male, Age 68

5. White American Male, Age 49

6. White American Male, Age 40

7. White American Male, Age 41

I then googled Ernest, an action I deeply regret. Demographically speaking, let’s have a look: White American Male, Age 46.

I’m detecting a pattern is what I’m saying here. I’m only halfway through the prologue, mind you, and perhaps this really picks up but I feel like I absolutely did not need to be told the brand of the television that Young God-Emperor Jimmy had his Atari 2600 into. Nor did I need to be told that his Atari 2600 was, indeed, an Atari 2600 about 10 words before God-Emperor Jimmy then actually says that it’s an Atari 2600. Maybe this book is for people who get a real kick out of seeing the words ‘Atari 2600′. People who are (and I’m just throwing wild, unsubstantiated theories out here) about 40+, white, male, and American?

I’m going to stop now because I’ve started writing my thesis just to procrastinate from having to read the second half of the prologue to this book.

[sciencespies]

X-Ray Technology Reveals Marie Antoinette's Censored Secret Correspondence

https://sciencespies.com/nature/x-ray-technology-reveals-marie-antoinettes-censored-secret-correspondence/

X-Ray Technology Reveals Marie Antoinette's Censored Secret Correspondence

An X-ray fluorescence scanner analyzes correspondence of Marie Antoinette and Fersen at France’s National Archives. Centre de Recherche sur la Conservation, French National Museum of Natural History

“I will finish not without telling you my dear and loving friend that I love you madly and that I can never be a moment without adoring you.”

During the dangerous days of the French Revolution, in January 1792, Marie Antoinette, queen of France, closed a letter with these tender words. But that letter was not meant for her husband Louis XVI. Instead, her intimate friend and rumored lover Swedish count Axel von Fersen was the recipient. 

The pair’s relationship demanded discretion. So did political aspects of their correspondence. The letters were exchanged while the royal family was being held under house arrest by the revolutionaries controlling France. Both Marie Antoinette and Fersen were pulling political strings in the hopes of salvaging the Bourbon dynasty, or at least saving the royals’ lives. For one or both of these reasons the few surviving letters between them are sprinkled with passages, like the one above, that have been blotted out by some unknown censor. By blacking over words and entire lines with dark ink someone meant to hide them forever from history and they succeeded for two centuries—until now.

Modern technology has foiled some of the censor’s efforts. Anne Michelin, a physical chemist at the French National Museum of Natural History and colleagues have used old fashioned hard work and new techniques that plumb the varied composition of different inks to uncover many redacted parts of this famed correspondence. In doing so they believe they’ve also revealed who wielded the heavy-handed pen. The mystery censor appears to have been Fersen himself. Michelin’s study, published today in Science Advances, also demonstrates a methodology that may recover countless historical correspondences, official papers and drawings—and it might even help to analyze fossils.

A side-by-side comparison shows an original letter with redactions (left) and the same letter examined using a combination of X-ray fluorescence imaging and data processing (right).

Centre de Recherche sur la Conservation, French National Museum of Natural History

Between June 1791 and August 1792 the French royal family lived under a form of house arrest at the Tuileries Palace in Paris while Fersen was abroad. Their confinement followed a disastrous failed attempt to escape Paris orchestrated in large part by Fersen. The royals hoped to rally supporters in rural France and seize power from the revolutionaries. Instead, the family’s flight and arrest at Varennes turned popular opinion decidedly against them and opened them to charges of treason. During this period, while under heavy guard, Marie-Antoinette conducted a complicated correspondence with Fersen. Letters were delivered by intermediaries but also hidden by extravagant precautionary methods including invisible ink and codes that required complicated deciphering.

Marie-Antoinette even complained about the process to Fersen on November 2, 1791, writing “Farewell, I am getting tired of ciphering; this is not my usual occupation and I am always afraid of making mistakes.”

Secrecy was critical for several reasons and historians have long wondered who crossed out various parts of the text. The influential Fersen had fled France after his role in the failed escape was discovered. In Brussels, Vienna and elsewhere he desperately lobbied to influence foreign powers, including relatives of the royals, who might help to restore them to the throne or otherwise aid their plight. Such political intriguing, mentioned in the letters, would have been considered a deadly serious crime by the revolutionaries.

A portrait of Marie Antoinette painted by Vigée-Le Brun.

Universal History Archive / Universal Images Group via Getty Images

Other sections had a different reason for being hidden. They are evidence of a very personal correspondence between the queen of France and a man who was not her husband.

Many of the letters written by Marie Antoinette during this period were destroyed. But Fersen kept some letters received from the queen, as well as copies of those he wrote to her. They were held by several generations of his family before finally being purchased by the French Historical Archives in 1982. During all that time the redactions puzzled those who read these letters.

Although they look the same to the eye, inks from the late 18th century weren’t uniform. Michelin’s team used X-ray fluorescence spectroscopy, a nondestructive analysis, to delve into their chemical composition. When excited by X-rays, elements produce unique fluorescent ‘fingerprints.’ Using the technique, the researchers mapped the distribution and ratios of different elements in the inks of the original letter writers and of the unknown censor.

In 8 of the 15 redacted letters the scientists uncovered consistent differences between the inks of the original text and the redactions, with copper-to-iron and zinc-to-iron ratios being the most revealing. Mapping these elemental differences allowed researchers to distinguish between the two inks and made the redacted words more readable.

But that wasn’t always enough to reconstruct words. In harder to decipher sections the team employed data processing applications, using statistics to further sort out their findings. Once they’d identified the slightly different elemental compositions of the different inks, they trained algorithms to produce images that maximized those differences and thus made the text more legible.

All of the letters penned by Fersen also shared very similar ratios of ink elements, meaning they were written with the same ink. This revealed that some of the letters from Marie-Antoinette were actually copies of the originals, which were written by Fersen in that same ink. The same ink was also used by the mysterious censor, strongly suggesting that it was Fersen who chose to blot out sections of the correspondence forever. “The coincidence was too big!” Michelin explains. “In addition, on one letter, Fersen added a few words above a redacted passage (his handwriting was confirmed by a specialist) but with an ink of the same composition as the redaction ink used on this same letter.”

“It’s a remarkable work,” says physicist Uwe Bergmann at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, who wasn’t affiliated with the research and is an expert on X-ray imaging of ancient materials. “I think they were tenacious, and I think it will have an impact on people who use all kinds of imaging techniques and can learn from the application of these approaches to get exceptional results.”

Bergmann was part of a team that famously used X-ray technology to uncover once-lost and unreadable works of the legendary mathematician Archimedes.

The nature of Marie-Antionette and Fersen’s special relationship has been debated for more than two centuries and was a topic of conversation at the court. In historian Evelyn Farr’s book on their correspondence, I Love You Madly, she uncovered a letter written from Fersen friend Quintin Craufurd to British Prime Minister William Pitt. “This gentleman was Colonel of the Royal Suédois; was Her Most Christian Majesty’s prime favourite; and is generally supposed to be the father of the present Dauphin,” Craufurd wrote.

Some have construed such comments as proof that the pair had a physical relationship, while others dismiss it as court gossip or even political slander. No smoking gun exists in the redacted comments; but there is definitely further evidence illustrating just how close the two star-crossed aristocrats really were. Their endearment was so strong that Fersen himself felt it prudent to blot out some of the more private terms of endearment including ‘beloved,’ ‘tender friend,’ and ‘adore.’

“The redacted passages are the most intimate passages of the correspondence,” Michelin explains. “Fersen probably wanted to keep this correspondence, important to him perhaps for sentimental reasons or political strategies, while protecting the queen’s honor and perhaps his own.”

The team hypothesizes that Ferson removed what he felt were the most compromising passages, though he may not have completed the process through the entire folio of letters.

The process used to recover the redacted and once-lost texts could be in high demand. Archives around the world are stacked with diplomatic and political documents, notable letters and other pieces of history in which carefully redacted items might be revealed. Michelin notes that studies have already used the technique to delve beneath paintings and uncover the underlying drawings, or first versions, that would otherwise remain lost. And Bergmann’s group even teamed up with paleontologist Peter Lars Larson to study feather and bone chemistry in the Archaeopteryx, a key fossil on the lineage of dinosaurs and birds.

As for Marie-Antoinette and Fersen, we may never be absolutely certain how far their relationship went.

“Ultimately, in my opinion, I think it doesn’t really matter if their love was consummated,” says College of William & Mary historian Ronald Schechter, who is studying Marie Antoinette’s library and reading habits. “Even if it was consummated, they still lived with this level of frustration in not being able to see each other, and anxiety in worrying that they were both in danger. It’s not the kind of love story with a happy ending.”

European History

France

Innovations

Letters

Technology

#Nature

[coltonthelizard]

The Dance: Evan Hansen x Reader

a/n: my titles are super creative. also i’m pretty sure i succeeded at making this one gender neutral!!

————————————————————

“Well, don’t you clean up nice.”

Connor rolled his eyes at your comment, visibly uncomfortable in his suit. Cynthia had dragged him to a department store and insisted on something more traditional, until they’d finally compromised on the velvet coat and tie. He’d let you redo his nails, so that they were clean around the edges instead of peeling with black polish, like they usually were.

“Shut it. It’s your turn to get dolled up.”

You’d laid out your outfit for the dance on your bed. Connor pinched the material, examining it.

“Very nice, very nice. Anything else?”

You gestured to a pile of necklaces and shoes at the foot of the bed.

“I’m clueless. And I’m completely at your mercy. Make me stylish.”

“Oh, I’m your stylist?” Connor raised an eyebrow. “Well, dahling, I’ll do my best to make you,” he squinted and raised his upper lip in an attempt to seem pretentious, “fabulous.” You giggled. “Why the British accent?” He shrugged and replied, still in character, “We British are fashionable people.” “Gotcha.” Connor smiled.

“As for your hair?”

You shrugged. “I mean, I’m thinking it looks fine like this?” He patted your head, adopting the accent of a sweet old Southern lady. “Bless your heart.” Thankfully, his hair length had given him some level of skill when it came to styling, so you let him run his hands through your hair until he decided that it looked better.

“Alright, get dressed. I’ll sort through,” he pointed to your untouched pile of accessories, “that.”

You stepped into the bathroom to put your outfit on, and caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You looked nice. Connor would kill you if you told anyone outside of Jared, Evan, Zoe, or Alana, but he knew what he was doing. He cared about his appearance, though the goal of his appearance was to make it look like he didn’t care at all. Connor was the kind of guy who always smelled good.

He’d pulled a pair of shoes and a couple necklaces from the pile, the rest strewn across the bed and floor. “Hey, don’t you look nice. Try these.” He pushed the shoes toward you and tapped his foot as you pulled them on. “There you go. Looks good.” He then handed a necklace to you, frowned, passed you another, and repeated the process until he’d depleted the pile. “Wait. I have an idea.” Connor grabbed his keys from your dresser and ran outside. He returned a few moments later with a leather cord bracelet you’d seen him wear before and fastened it around your wrist. Smoothing your hair with one hand, he stepped back to take you in.

“There we go. That’s it.”

You fiddled with the bracelet’s clasp. “You think Evan will recognize it?”

Connor straightened his tie, smiling. “Trust me, he won’t be looking at the bracelet.”

• • •

Evan flung his tie onto the bathroom counter in frustration. “God, how the hell are you supposed to do this?” He scrolled through pages of Google results for “how to tie a bow tie,” each tutorial more unclear than the last. Connor had just taught him how to tie a regular tie; bow ties were on a level he hadn’t quite reached. Jared entered the bathroom, his tie hanging loosely from his neck.

“Evan. Dude. Come here.”

Jared picked the tie off the floor and successfully looped it around Evan’s neck, half-heartedly explaining the process as he went.”

“See? It’s easy. Now you’re looking spiffy, kid,” he said, ruffling Evan’s hair. Immediately, Evan swatted his hand away and dipped his finger back into the pot of styling gel he’d been nursing for the past half-hour.

“Evan. Sweetie.” Jared smirked. “Your hair looks fine. Y/N isn’t going to notice.” Evan didn’t look away from the mirror and continued smoothing his part. “You don’t know that.” “Oh please. You need to practice your tango before we leave?”

Evan rolled his eyes as Jared quickly tied his own tie and produced a lint roller from the drawer, passing it silently to Evan. “What? Do I have something on me? I knew the navy jacket was a bad choice,. What size is yours? Can we switch?”

Jared smiled. “Evan, you’re fine. I just thought it might calm you down. There’s nothing on you, and the navy jacket’s pretty snazzy. Y/N’s gonna like it.”

Evan blushed and instinctively reached for his hair again at the mention of you. Jared finished wiping his glasses on the inside of his suit jacket, slapped Evan on the back, then shoved his iPhone in his pocket. “We gotta go. Come on man. You look good.” Evan stole another glance at the mirror and slunk out of the bathroom behind him.

• • •

Outside was a line of students, waiting for the chaperones to confirm they weren’t drunk, then let them in. Evan bounced his leg nervously to the music, an indiscernible beat that leaked out of the gym doors every time they swung open. It was the first school dance he’d been to. He’d skipped the rest of them because he knew he’d spend the whole night on his phone in the corner, or hiding in the bathroom. But this year, you’d convinced him. He knew you would talk to him, and dance with him, and even though everyone would be looking at him you would be right there. Still, you weren’t there now, and he couldn’t shut up the voice in his head telling him you were going to ditch him.

And then you didn’t. Then you showed up looking amazing, and kissed him, and held his hand until you got into the gym. A drugstore disco ball in the center of the room was casting dots of color over the walls, and it still smelled the way the gym always did, but something about the whole production was magical. It was mostly because you were next to him the whole time, and because you danced with him, even though he was a terrible dancer.

When they played Can’t Help Falling in Love, he took your hand, pulled you from your conversation with Jared and Connor, and walked you onto the makeshift dance floor. He’d spent most of your dancing staring at the floor or the people around you, because you couldn’t make eye contact for too long without giggling at each other, but the song took away the awkwardness. It took away the chaperones and refreshments and the other couples until it was just you, and him looking into your eyes, smiling to himself because he was so lucky.

When the song ended, he kissed you sweetly, earning a few glares from the chaperones. He dropped his hand from your shoulder to your waist, his other hand holding yours, and led you back to Jared, Connor, Alana, and Zoe. They’d paired off, Jared with Zoe and Connor with Alana, for the slow songs so they weren’t just standing off to the side, fake-gagging at you and Evan. “Hey, lovebirds,” Jared ruffled Evan’s hair. Evan rolled his eyes, but didn’t dare take his hands off you. He only glanced down at your hand, where his eyes fixed on Connor’s bracelet. “Hey, is that…” You leaned your head onto his shoulder, squeezing his hand tightly. “Yeah. It is.” Connor winked at you from across the circle.

[meghanmarklehd-blog]

Exclusive: How Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Hid Out from the Paparazzi When Their Relationship Went Public

MARCH 19, 2018 7:00 AM

In her new book, Vanity Fair contributor Katie Nicholl reveals new details about the days after Harry and Meghan’s relationship first hit the tabloid page, and what inspired the prince to make an unprecedented public statement in support of his future fiancée.

In this exclusive excerpt from her upcoming book Harry: Life, Loss, and Love, Kate Nicholl, a Vanity Fair contributor, provides the behind-the-scenes glimpse at what happened for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle at two pivotal points in their relationship: when the tabloids first reported they were seeing each other in late October 2016, and then a week later, when Harry took the unprecedented step of releasing an official statement from Kensington Palace, asking the press to respect Markle’s privacy. Their relationship had flourished in private since they first met in July of that year, but when the eyes of the world turned to the prince and his potential bride-to-be, the couple was forced to work hard for their peace and quiet.

OCTOBER 2016

Like his brother, Harry enjoyed outfoxing the media, and while he was disappointed the story had broken, he knew he was lucky to have enjoyed several months getting to know Meghan without press scrutiny. When the story broke, Harry happened to be with Meghan in Toronto. He was apparently taken by surprise when his aides called to tell him the story was going to be front-page news and knew that very soon he and Meghan would be under siege. A story was leaked that Harry had canceled a flight to Toronto to try and make it look like he was in the U.K., but photographers and reporters descended on Meghan’s home regardless.

When Meghan suggested they go to stay with her friends Ben and Jessica Mulroney, Harry agreed. The Mulroneys were two of the few friends who knew about the romance, and they were more than happy to let the couple take shelter from the paparazzi at their Toronto house. Jessica, a stylist, is one of Meghan’s best friends, while Ben is a TV host who presents CTV’s entertainment news program etalk.Harry had become friendly with them both and was a big hit with the couple’s three young children, 7-year-old twins Brian and John, and their 4-year-old daughter, Isobel.

“When Harry came to visit the family he brought a bag filled with gifts. He won the kids over in an instant. He was brilliant with them and I think what swung it for Meghan was how good Harry was with them,” says a source. “I actually think that might have been the moment Meghan really fell for Harry. He got to know the Mulroneys quite well, and they liked Harry from the beginning.”

Spread over 3 floors and with impressive 14-foot-high ceilings, the Mulroneys’ open-plan home was a sanctuary for Meghan and Harry. No one knew where they were, and behind closed doors the foursome got to know each other. Harry was fascinated when Ben, the son of former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, recounted lively stories of how Princess Diana once stayed with his family during an offcial tour to Canada and, finding herself bored with talking politics after dinner, had ventured up to the nursery to play with Ben and his three siblings.

“Harry found them immediately kind and welcoming people, and he loved hearing stories about his mother,” a friend of Ben’s told me. “Jessica is one of the nicest, sweetest people you will ever meet, and Ben is really easy to get along with.”

It was just as well Meghan and Harry had somewhere to hide because over the following days the story snowballed. It was quickly discovered that the pair followed each other on Instagram, and as the media were eager to share, in one of the photos she had posted Meghan was wearing a blue-and-white beaded bracelet identical to one Harry wore.

The actress’s L.A.-based agency at the time fueled the rumors of a romance when they were contacted for comment and said: “Should this be confirmed by the Palace, all of us at Kruger Cowne are delighted for them and wish them well.” In fact, there was so much fervid hype about the romance that bookmakers suspended bets on a royal wedding, having previously been offering odds of 12 to 1 that Harry would announce his engagement in 2016 and 5 to 1 that he would marry in 2017.

NOVEMBER 8, 2016

By early November, Meghan asked her bosses on Suits for a break in filming and flew to London to be with Harry for what was meant to be a romantic getaway. But the trip proved to be stressful. The Sun newspaper had that week published a front-page story that some of Meghan’s racy scenes from Suits were being trailed on a porn Web site. One of the scenes included her character Rachel Zane having sex with a colleague against a filing cabinet.

Meghan was horrified, telling friends she was convinced that the British press was “out to get her.” It was the final straw for Harry who, according to a source, “completely flipped” when he read the story. He decided to issue a direct statement to the press. It was to be a warning shot to Fleet Street and all the social-media trolls whose hateful comments Harry had unwisely read on Twitter and the Internet.

Meghan, who was in London with Harry at the time the statement was released, was supportive. According to a source: “They were Harry’s words and sentiments, but Meghan was worried about her safety and particularly upset and distressed that her mother was being hounded for comment, and Harry made sure that particular issue was addressed.”

After working on several versions, Harry marched across the cobbled courtyard to Apartment 8 at Kensington Palace where his office is based, to hand the statement to his press secretary, Jason Knauf.

On November 8, just before midday the statement was released on Twitter. It was explosive, unprecedented, and highly flammable. Acknowledging that Meghan Markle was his girlfriend for the first time since the rumors had started, Prince Harry claimed that the actress had been “subject to a wave of abuse and harassment” that was sexual and racist. His anger was palpable, and he was determined to stem the stories before things really got out of control. After all, he had already lost two serious girlfriends who couldn’t deal with the pressure of being in the spotlight; he wasn’t prepared to lose a third.

The palace said Harry personally “asked for this statement to be issued in the hopes that those in the press who have been driving this story can pause and reflect before any further damage is done. He knows that it is unusual to issue a statement like this, but hopes that fair-minded people will understand why he has felt it necessary to speak publicly.”

Unsurprisingly, the statement triggered a media storm. It was one of the most powerfully worded public defenses of privacy any member of the royal family had ever issued. While some commentators commended the prince for being chivalrous and standing by his girl, others like the Daily Mail said he had been “hot headed … ring off scatter gun accusations against those who have reported and commented on his affair.” It reopened the debate about press freedom and did nothing to help Harry’s already complicated relationship with the media, and there was some frustration as to why the Palace hadn’t simply gone to IPSO, the new press regulator, to issue “desist notices.”

pages, “particularly among the young royals, to expect all the advantages that go with their birth while at the same time wanting to enjoy the privacy afforded to those of the Queen’s subjects who have to work nine-to-five for a living.”

There was criticism that Prince Harry’s team of courtiers had not done enough to convince him to issue a less divisive statement, but Harry had wanted to take a swipe at the press and truly felt that a line had been crossed.

Staff at Clarence House were said to be surprised by the overtly personal nature of the statement, as well as its timing. Charles was overseas on an important diplomatic tour of the Middle East at the time, and although aides would not confirm whether he had been consulted about the statement before it went out, it took the focus firmly off the Prince of Wales’s visit.

While Prince William, who had by now met Meghan, supported his brother and agreed that the press coverage had gone too far, he had also urged caution over the statement. From the moment the press had caught on to Kate, she had been followed everywhere by photographers, yet the couple rarely made legal complaints. It was only when a French magazine published pictures of Kate sunbathing topless on holiday in September 2012 that the Cambridges took action. Harry, however, was more impulsive than his older brother and had insisted on sending out the statement.

Just days later Meghan was photographed shopping on Kensington High Street and walking back to the Palace, confirming that she was staying with Harry at the time he issued the heartfelt missive. She was spotted by a Daily Mail journalist while shopping at the Kensington branch of the grocer Whole Foods. In her Hunter Wellington boots and Barbour coat, Meghan was attired more for a shooting than a shopping trip, but the fact that she was wearing Harry’s favorite brown baseball cap really blew her cover. It seemed when it came to outwitting the British media, Meghan Markle still had quite a lot to learn.

Excerpted from HARRY: Life, Loss and Love by Katie Nicholl. Copyright © 2018 by Katie Nicholl. Reprinted with permission from Hachette Books. All rights reserved.

http://archive.is/ve3y6

Source:

               vanityfair.com            

[magic-magpie]

Birthday Message

Wow, this has got to be the shortest thing I’ve written in a long time. I said I’d write something short, and I did! Huzzah! I got the idea from @otp-fanfic-ideas​, so check out their blog if you want some cool ideas! I’ll reblog the one I used, shall I?

UsUk fanfic, 2,398 words.

It’s Alfred’s birthday today! Send him a birthday wish to let him know you’re thinking of him! 

Yes, Arthur knew it was Alfred’s birthday. He didn’t need a Facebook notification to tell him that it was his crush’s birthday. 

Furthermore, Arthur was always thinking of Alfred. Well, not always. That would be creepy and obsessive. Just enough times during the day to confirm that he did indeed have a crush on Alfred. 

If he let Alfred know he was thinking of him, Alfred would know he had a huge-ass crush on him. 

But Arthur needed to send him a birthday wish. Alfred was the type of guy who regularly updated his Facebook status, tagged people (mostly Arthur and Matthew) in stuff, posted pictures, the like. He’d consider the lack of a Facebook birthday message an insult. 

So Arthur had to send him a birthday message.

The only thing was, he didn’t know how. Not literally; he knew what he had to do to post it, he just didn’t know what to write. Usually he just wrote a quick ‘Happy birthday, Alfred!’ and accompanied it with a picture of his favourite superhero or something, but he couldn’t do that on Alfred’s sixteenth! The sixteenth was special, and so the message had to be special! 

Plus, there was the fact that Alfred had sent that birthday message that made his heart flutter and made him fall deeper in love.

Happy birthday, Artie! Sixteen now, bro! Just wanted to say that you’re a hella awesome friend and if I didn’t have you in my life it would be duller ‘cause I wouldn’t have your shining sarcasm to brighten it up! Not to mention your intelligence and sharp wit and all that stuff. Also, your writing abilities are mega-awesome and you’ve got the best imagination I’ve ever seen! So, y’know. Have a hella awesome birthday, and I’m really glad you’re my friend!!

Arthur could not send a simple ‘Happy birthday!’.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard, itching to type what he really wanted to say. He really wanted to tell Alfred what a brilliant person he was; tell him just how seeing his dazzling smile made Arthur’s day better; tell him how his laugh was wonderfully infectious, if loud and obnoxious; tell him about how addictive his shining optimism and hyperactivity were; tell him how his outrageous ideas were simply testament to how much of a genius he was; tell him that he was amazing in every sense of the word.

But that would be the same as typing ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALFRED DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A MASSIVE CRUSH ON YOU?’. 

So, no.

Sighing in frustration, he procrastinated by finding a good picture of Captain America that he could edit into a Happy Birthday e-card, and then once he found one he procrastinated even more by editing it. And this involved finding a suitable background, painstakingly cutting out the image of Steve Rogers, choosing the right colours and the right font, laying it out correctly, all of which took him an hour to do in total.

An hour later he had a perfect e-card, but no message.

Look, just write something which sounds like something you’d say!

Yeah, but do I use real me or hiding-a-crush me?

Use hiding-a-crush you, for God’s sake! Unless you want to tell him how you feel, which I REALLY don’t recommend. He’s gay, but not gay for you.

Shut up, I don’t need you to remind me!

Scowling, Arthur went back onto Facebook. Conversations with himself surrounding his crush always ended like that, with himself reminding him that he had no chance with Alfred. The boy was cheery, optimistic, sunny, dazzling. Why on Earth would he ever want to burden himself down with Arthur’s cynicism, pessimism, sarcasm, and bluntness? Being Alfred’s love was only a fantasy. A shining, brilliant fantasy.

After debating for about five minutes on what to write, he finally typed in something, uploaded his e-card, and hit send.

Arthur Kirkland > Alfred Foster Jones Happy birthday, wanker. Now you’re sixteen years closer to death.

Satisfied, he switched off his laptop and began messing around on his phone, listening to music and scrolling through Tumblr and whatnot, his mind on other things. In a few hours he’d be going to Alfred’s and the two would be going to the ice-skating rink for his party, along with a few of their other friends who they’d meet there. He couldn’t wait to go to Alfred’s house, to sit with him on the bus, to skate with him, to have Alfred hold his hands as he taught Arthur how to skate, to fall into Alfred’s arms when he would end up tripping...

His notification tone rang out, effectively snapping him out of his wonderful daydream. Irritated, he checked his messages, and scoffed. Turned out it was Francis who’d texted him. Francis was his best friend, but he still didn’t approve of being texted by him when he was in the middle of imagining how Alfred’s strong arms would feel around him.

-Arthur what kind of birthday message was THAT

Arthur stared in confusion before he remembered that everyone could see his birthday message, not just Alfred.

-A fine one. Why do you ask?

-Arthur that was anything but fine you have a CRUSH on this boy why are you like this

Arthur scowled. A few months ago (on Arthur’s birthday, incidentally), Francis had figured out the object of Arthur’s affections when he’d caught sight of Arthur smiling and blushing uncontrollably in response to Alfred’s birthday message, and now he’d taken it upon himself to be his Romantic Advisor. His ‘advice’, however, always seemed to be along the lines of ‘hint until he figures it out’.

-Well, I’m not exactly going to give him a sappy message, am I? He’ll KNOW I like him if I do that!

-Mon DIEU Arthur! You’ll scare him off at this rate!

-Pfft, Alfred knows I wish him well. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have stayed my friend all these years, would he? Honestly, I think sending a heartfelt message would scare him more.

-You are hopeless

Another notification tone rang out, and Arthur pulled down the drop-down menu to read it.

Alfred Foster Jones commented on your picture.

His birthday message popped up, and Arthur felt a little nervous as he scrolled to see what Alfred had said. Despite his words to Francis, there was still the small chance Alfred might take offence, especially considering the sweet birthday message he’d given Arthur.

Alfred Foster Jones Haha love ya too british bastard 😂

Arthur let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and grinned like an idiot. Alfred hadn’t taken offence, and had even realised that he held him close to his heart.

He’d even said ‘love ya too’.

Arthur hid his face in his hands and did his best to refrain from gleefully jumping up and down, knowing he’d get all four of his brothers coming into his room and being nosy if he did so. So he contented himself with reading the comment over and over again (concentrating especially on the ‘love ya too’ part).

About five minutes later, Arthur’s notification tone rang out again, alerting him to a text that turned out to be from Alfred.

-Dude?

-You there?

Arthur hastened to respond. He didn’t much mind texts from Alfred.

-Yes, why?

The next text made his breath hitch and eyes go wide.

-Francis kinda told me you like me

Arthur felt himself burn with both anger and embarrassment. On the first day Francis had brought up his knowledge of Arthur’s crush Arthur had very explicitly told him not to tell Alfred. And what had the fucker done? God, Alfred probably thought him some sort of weirdo freak now. He wouldn’t want Arthur round at his house anymore, he would probably act awkward and uncomfortable around him now, they’d grow apart instead of closer –

-Wait wait wait dont go and chew francis out!!

Arthur scowled – that was exactly what he’d been planning on doing.

-Why ever should I not? The bastard frog’s embarrassed me.

-Cause youre gonna thank him!

He blinked, and furrowed his eyebrows. Was Alfred saying... What Arthur thought he was saying? Or was Arthur reading too far into it?

-What a ludicrous notion.

-Nah nah nah, its not ludicrous at all!

-Cause, er...

Arthur waited, his heart in his mouth. There was no way – Alfred couldn’t –

-I kinda like you too, Artie.

Alfred could.

Arthur’s eyes widened and a giddy, deliriously happy feeling took hold of him, making his heart beat a million times a minute and making him feel like he was soaring high above the world. He stared at the message until it was ingrained into his memory, not quite believing his luck.

Alfred liked him back.

Alfred liked him back. 

These two years of desperately wanting Alfred to be his wasn’t for nothing, because Alfred liked him back.

-Artie?? You stil there??

-Yes.

The amount of restraint it took to not keyboard-smash an excited response was quite frankly astounding.

-So?

-Whaddaya say?

-*’What do [I] say’ to what?

-Pfft, grammar nerd 😝

-Anyway, WHADDAYA say to me asking you out?

Oh God. 

Was Alfred trying to make him spontaneously combust with joy?

If he’d needed self-restraint before, he needed ten times the amount now. For God’s sake, Alfred had just asked Arthur out! Day after day Arthur had constructed scenarios in which they confessed to each other, but not once had it crossed his mind that it may actually have ended up happening.

Act cool, Arthur. Don’t freak him out.

-I say that’s a wonderful idea, and I’m inclined to respond with a ‘yes’.

Not two seconds later Alfred called him, and Arthur pressed ‘Accept’ only to be met with Alfred’s loud American voice screaming down the phone.

“OHMIGOD WE’RE DATING ARTIE WE’RE DATING HOLY SHIT YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!”

Arthur could practically hear the wide smile stretched across Alfred’s face. What he wouldn’t give to see it...

“How long have you liked me?” Alfred asked excitedly. “It’s been ten months for me, ever since we went to Alton Towers together.”

“Tch, amateur,” Arthur said, although Alfred’s words made his heart go aflutter. Ten months. For ten months Alfred had liked him. However small a time that was compared to how long Arthur had been yearning for Alfred, it still made him smile uncontrollably. “Try two years.”

“Two years?!” He exclaimed. “How the heck did you survive?! I was going crazy with ten months!”

“You learn a few tricks, I guess. Namely, just act how you acted before developing the attraction.” God, Arthur didn’t know how he was keeping himself so calm when all he wanted to do was jump around with joy.

“I think it’s a good thing that I couldn’t hide it well, though,” Alfred mused.

“How come?”

“Well, Francis found me out. That’s why he told me that you like me, ‘cause he knew about five months ago that I like you. Oh, he also told me to tell you that the only reason he told me that you like me is because – er, what was it – oh, because you weren’t ever going to get the ball rolling, so he had to... Or something.”

It was surprising that Arthur even understood that.

He laughed, not having the will to be irritated at Francis anymore. The bloke had literally just gotten Arthur and Alfred to date – being annoyed at him would be criminal.

“Thank God you wear your heart on your sleeve, hm? I didn’t know how much longer I could take it,” Arthur said. Then, a thought suddenly struck him. “Oh, and I actually do wish you a happy birthday, by the way! I just... I wanted to give you a special message like you did for me, but I didn’t know how to go about it without revealing anything.”

“Oh yeah, that!” Alfred laughed in his wonderful way on the other side of the phone. “I knew you meant well, dude! And it was kinda cute.”

Arthur knew his face was beet red by this point, and he muttered, “Sh-shut up, it wasn’t cute.”

“Pfft, yeah it was! Anyway,” he said before Arthur could protest, “seeing as how we’re now boyfriend and boyfriend, do – d’ya wanna come round to mine now instead of later? If you’ve got other things to do that’s totally fine of course, I just wondered if-“

“Alfred,” Arthur interrupted, grinning. Alfred was a confident bloke, but it seemed that romantic stuff could turn him into a nervous wreck. Now that’s cute.

“I’d love to, Alfred.”

“C-cool!” He could sense that Alfred was relieved. “So, heh, I guess I’ll see you soon?”

“See you,” Arthur said, then hung up, grinning like a lovesick dork at his phone. And then he finally let it all out – all the excitement and euphoria and giddiness just burst out of him as he rolled off his bed and jumped and squealed all over his room, not caring when his brothers came barging in and saw him bouncing up and down like a hyperactive jack-in-the-box.

Alfred was his boyfriend.

His BOYFRIEND.

“What the hell’s gotten into you?” one of his brothers asked, looking truly confused.

“Alfred’s my boyfriend and I’m off to his house so if you don’t mind please get out I need to change, thanks!” Arthur shoved them out and began getting himself ready to go to Alfred’s, the ecstatic feeling not lessening in the slightest.

Ten minutes later he was zipping up his boots when his phone buzzed with a text from Francis.

-So are you going to change your Facebook relationship status yet?

-Alfie has

Arthur couldn’t scowl at Francis meddling in his love life, not after what he’d done.

-I suppose I’ll do it, then. ...Thanks, by the way.

-Always happy to help the romantically-inept 😘

He just knew that Francis was chuckling behind his phone, and so was Arthur. But Francis was right – he should update his relationship status. Alfred was a social media addict, even if Arthur wasn’t.

Arthur Kirkland went from being single to being in a relationship with Alfred Foster Jones.

Less than a minute later his phone buzzed again, this time with a Facebook notification.

Alfred Foster Jones And I couldn't be happier!! 😆

Arthur smiled.

[satelliteofmstielove]

K18 The Million Eyes of Sumuru

                                 Like Fu Manchu, but with more sexism!

General notes

          So, sorry it took me like four months to get this next entry out. School got busy faster than I expected. But last time it was almost a year and a half, so at least there’s that…anyway…

          The Million Eyes of Sumuru is a 1967 British spy film about a scary lady and her army of scary ladies. It’s based on a book series by Sax Rohmer, a man whose name sounds like the title of a film-noir western about a jazz musician wandering in the desert. He also wrote the Fu Manchu books, which explains a lot. Also, it was directed by a guy named Lindsey. This movie includes some celebrities (sort of- does Frankie Avalon count as a celebrity?) and was produced by our other Castle of Fu Manchu friend, Harry Alan TOOOOOWEEEEERRRRRRRSSS. Wilfrid Hyde-White is in this, he played Colonel Pickering in the movie version of My Fair Lady. (I only mention that because I somehow didn’t recognize him until most of the way into this movie, even though I’ve seen My Fair Lady several times.) It also stars George Nader, from the famous and hilariously terrible Robot Monster, which we’ll get to watch later on in Season 1.

          The main interesting note about this episode is that Tom Servo leaves partway through the movie. Again, it’s a case of Josh needing to be somewhere at the same time they were taping. He’s still in the host segments, because they always taped those before the movie part. Now, let’s get to Sumuru. (I don’t have a link for this one because it’s not on YouTube, but you can find it at Club MST3K.)

Prologue

I don’t know if I ever mentioned that I like the little tentacle things in the KTMA doorway sequence.

Oh man, continuity! That’s unusual for this show in general, not even just KTMA. They did a “previously on…” sketch as the intro for The Deadly Bees [905], but that one purposefully had nothing to do with anything that has ever happened on the S.O.L. They also did general premise recaps fairly often in Season 1 and occasional other times, and some story arc recaps in Season 8 when they were forced to have a story arc. This is the only episode I know of, thought, that has a classic “previously” bit, separate from the rest of the host segment, that recaps with a clip from the previous episode. Neat.

Also, does anyone recognize the voice-over voice? Josh or Kevin are the usual deep-voice go-tos, but this doesn’t sound like either of them. The musical sting comes from Fugitive Alien (I thought it was Time of the Apes at first, which goes to show how well I don’t know my Season 3 episodes).

After the clip, we join the Mads trying to get a look at Joel floating outside the satellite. They confirm for us that he is not floating naked in space, but is actually wearing underwear (which we could kinda tell from that very accurate action-figure Joel model). I had to look up what “BVDs” were, though. I had to look at this so now you do, too:

Whatever camera they’re using to look at Joel must have really good zoom if they can tell his cheeks are blue.

Has he been out there for a whole week? That’s impressive. Much later, in Time Chasers [821], the S.O.L. seemed to maybe have a Tardis-like air bubble-forcefield thing around it when it docked with Pearl’s van, so maybe that’s how Joel managed. Of course, a week in the cold of space with no food or water doesn’t really leave him very well off even if he had air, but those are all science facts. More likely this episode and the last one just take place closer together that that. (My default headcanon assumption is most episodes take place roughly in real time with when they aired, but there’s exceptions to that for sure). But again, I’m more than willing to relax about this kind of thing. I just speculate for fun.

The Mads are 2001-loving dorks, and we love them for it. As characters. As people, they’re jerks.

I think this may the first occurrence of weirdly affectionate Dr. F nicknames for Joel. We’ve had a few weird insults in previous episodes, but I think this is the first of this particular kind.

I didn’t know the Mads could open the S.O.L. doors from down on Earth. But I guess they control all sorts of other things from their lab, so why not the doors? Larry doesn’t actually press any buttons, but Joel gets inside anyway. Maybe he pressed it under the desk.

Joel is putting on his jumpsuit as he comes onto the bridge. The bots must have left it right by the door. Why did Joel take it off to go outside in the first place? Was he in the middle of changing and got sucked out the door? Actually, a random semi-nude spacewalk doesn’t seem too far outside something Joel might do on purpose…

Joel also thanks the Mads for letting him inside. It’s good to be polite to your captors, I suppose. In some episodes, rudeness does result in punishment, so probably a smart idea.

 Locked you out again? How many times has this happened, Joel? Maybe you need to get another key. Although if he’s going out into space in only his underwear, he might not have a good place to keep it…this is getting weird, let’s move on.

Trace’s weird expressions in this segment keep making me laugh.

The Mads are really enjoying taunting Joel this week. I like their doofy handshake. I can imagine them doing that in the halls at Gizmonic and other mad scientists just looking at them like they can’t stand them.

Joel’s response is actually much more sarcastic than usual for him (outside the theater). 3-12 weeks? What’s he talking about there? Anyone know? Did KTMA have multiple seasons?

Poor guy, he sounds really done. Being stuck out in the vacuum of space for a while probably does that to you.

The Mads’ movie intros are starting to sound more like they will for the rest of the series. Also, Larry tells Clay to get the movie, and he does. I sometimes forget that Dr. F and Dr. Erhardt were portrayed mostly as equals during KTMA. The junior doctor/henchman thing didn’t really get going until Season 1.

I never know what to make of angry Joel. It happened more often in KTMA, but still not that much. Also, his hand gestures are weird.

We didn’t see the bots in this segment, probably because they’re off hiding from Joel and their impending punishment.

Movie pt. 1

Wow, the Mads were right; this is a really washed-out print.

Joel comes into the theater dancing to the parade music from the movie. He seems to have forgotten about being angry. Maybe the bots got an earful on the way down.

4:32, time and temp: 6:04 and 67°. The episode originally aired in early May, so I’d assume this is sometime around then, if not the exact night. I don’t know if TV23 re-ran these or not.

Crow mispronounces “emperor” at 4:39, and corrects himself, which makes Joel chuckle.

At 4:43, Tom tries to apologize for locking Joel outside, saying they “didn’t really know it was [him].” Joel understandably doesn’t respond.

During the opening credits, they do a lot of “relative of famous person with same last name” jokes. Those became a staple during credits for the rest of the show, especially the Joel seasons.

Servo doesn’t know who the Buddha is at 7:27. Also, Joel’s Wisconsin accent really comes out when he says “Buddha.”

At 7:46, Joel starts a riff that just sort of peters out. Something about the plant in front of the camera, but I’m not sure what he was trying to say.

8:13, Joel makes a pun and asks Crow if he likes it. Crow doesn’t seem overly enthused, but he says it was cool, anyway. Tom then tells him should laugh at it, since Joel’s upset with them. He hasn’t been acting too upset since they got into the theater, but maybe he’s been glowering or something.

Crow and Joel both talk at the same time at 8:31. They’re usually pretty good at not doing that, considering it’s improv.

At 8:35, Joel says “whoops” and looks down. It looks like he was just moving out of the way of the movie, but maybe he hit Crow’s arm or something.

Movie thing: I know it’s not even 10 minutes in yet, but the editing in this is really bad.

At 11:52, Joel tells Crow a terrible joke, which he kinda laughs at, but it seems to make him a little bit sad. Joel laughs, though.

Servo’s Frankie Avalon joke at 12:27- does that come from somewhere or did Josh just make that up on the fly? It’s very clever. Josh always has been the best of the MST alumni at off-the-cuff quips. Crow and Joel groan, though.

At 13:01, I’m not sure what Joel’s laughing at.

Joel bats at the old man at 13:16.

Movie thing: Gosh, 60s white-people dancing is always so second-hand embarrassing. Also, along with being washed out, the sound is really bad in this, too. I’m having a hard time understanding what anyone is saying.

I appreciate their Batman riffs at 15:43.

At 16:36, Tom makes fun of Frankie Avalon for being in the movie, but since Frankie’s hugging a pretty lady on screen at the time, Crow disagrees with his assessment. His enthusiastic follow-up about Frankie’s hand placement makes me laugh, along with Joel.

Josh calls commercial at 17:22, while making fun of Colonel Medika’s line delivery.

The guys are talking over each other a lot this week. I guess they’re just full of riff ideas.

Joel’s delivery at 17:45 is kind of adorable, for some reason.

All their riffs about the van starting at 18:26 are really funny, but what was that, Joel? Freeze him and make him into little bongs? Bombs? Huh?

I’m sorry, but WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

You can’t really see it because the quality is so bad, but at 19:27, Joel and the bots lean along with the car-chase cam.

Terrible pun from Joel at 20:20ish.

Some more of the Crow attitude we know and love at 22:20.

At 22:29, Servo complains to Joel about hearing voices in his head. Joel sounds a little concerned, but then Tom drops it.

Joel starts poking at Frankie’s giant chin at 22:57.

Crow just can’t let the poor framing in this scene go.

Tom’s confused about the number of Sumuru’s eyes at 26:10.

Joel gives the naked woman two thumbs up at 26:52, then stands up to look down at her chest! Unexpected from him. Things are getting awfully blue in here…

Crow starts a game of tag with Joel as they leave the theater, which is cute. Joel takes a huge obvious step over Trace on the floor, and mumbles something. I can’t tell whether he says something to Trace, or say something about “chase”. Either would make sense in context.

Host Segment 1

 We go right into the host segment, skipping the doorway sequence. It’s hard to tell with these VHS recordings whether that’s how the episode was made, or if the person just cut it out. It does look like a little bit from the beginning of this segment is cut off.

Joel is still mad about being locked out of the ship, so he’s attached “idioprobes” to the bots. They look like strings, and apparently administer pain while attached. That seems a little harsh to me, but I’ve also never been stuck out in space in my underwear, either. I like the way Crow sidles sideways into frame.

When Joel rips the idioprobes off the bots, you can clearly see the string on Servo, but he just pretends to grab something off of Crow. They didn’t have any extra string for a prop?

After Joel removes them, Servo starts trying to give the “we didn’t know it was you” excuse again, saying they thought it was any of several dead musicians. (All the people in the list are drummers, except for Elvis.)

Joel’s not having it, and threatens the probes again. I’m not really sure why they’re called probes; they’re not really probing anything.

Tom demands a trial by his peers, and Joel says that he’d build them more peers if he could. Interesting- does that mean he’s used up all useful robot building parts on the ship already? That would explain why he stopped at four, besides the fact that four is more than enough to deal with.

Then Joel asks where Gypsy is, and the other two hem and haw and finally admit they left her stuck in the spiral-on-down, which I think is the way to the theater? I know they’ve used the term before, but infrequently. Anyway, Joel’s not happy about that, either. Servo’s defense is pretty reasonable, since his arms don’t work. Crow’s in trouble, though.

Apparently you can unstick Gypsy from the spiral-on-down by pressing a button on the little control panel thing. I wonder if that unsticks her from anywhere in the satellite, or if it’s just for that one spot. Crow calls it a robo-purge button, which kind of makes it sound like the former.

I love Gypsy’s screech when she gets released.

Joel seems so done with the bots and everything by the end of this segment. He can’t do anything but smile and (metaphorically) wave. The cheesy grin isn’t usually his style; that’s more of a Mike thing.

Movie pt. 2

Still 67° at 6:38 (am or pm).

Joel sings a little Sumuru song at 35:48. I’m not sure if the tune comes from somewhere or if he was just making it up on the spot. Anyone recognize it?

At 36:20, Joel and the bots mess with the car dashboard.

37:33- Tom makes another off-color joke. I have a feeling more are on the way, given the content of the movie.

At 44: 20, Servo brings up the slant-6 Swinger car again, the one they mentioned in a few previous episodes.

He also calls commercial at 44:45.

Joel’s sounding extra sleepy in a lot of his lines.

Ah good, it’s time for the movie to dial up the sexism again.

By 51:11, Crow’s lost patience with the kissing scene.

At 52:04, Tom tells Joel he needs to leave, because he needs to go bake brownies for the Pinewood Derby. The real-life reason was mentioned at the top, but I’m thinking in-universe, Servo was just tired of watching this movie. Joel’s fine with him leaving, as long as he agrees to show up for the sketches between the movies segments. Tom promises, and wonders if they have eggs. Just a pointless thought, since it doesn’t matter how they eat (or breathe), but I always assumed either the Mads send them supply shipments, or they have some kind of food synthesizer that makes it for them. They definitely have the latter by the end of the series, since Crow mentions it in Soultaker [1001], but earlier than that, it’s not clear. Maybe both?

Host Segment 2

Joel tries to hold a trial for the bots, but, as usual, everything is a joke to them. They just won’t go along with anything he’s trying to do. The courtroom thing reminds me of Crow’s trial for cheating in Wild World of Batwoman [515].

The bots go off on another word-association tangent, which leads to a game show sketch, while Joel just looks on impatiently.

He uses the button panel as a gavel.

Even Gypsy gets in on making life difficult for Joel. It looks like maybe Josh was throwing his voice to do Gypsy from the other side of the desk. Either that or they recorded that part in post. Either way, Trace or somebody else must have been operating her.

Time and temp comes up on the host segment this time; Still 67° at 7:07. The updates are more frequent this week than last time.

Joel gives up on getting order in the court, and picks up Tom and kisses his head while misquoting Jimi Hendrix. What else can you do but give into the madness?

What is that on the desk besides the papers? It looks like an upside-down mug, maybe?

I like the weird noise Crow makes when Joel calls Movie Sign.

Movie pt. 3

 As Servo mentioned, he doesn’t go back into the theater with the others. Joel was holding him as they ended the last segment, so I guess he must have put him down somewhere on the way to the theater.

Joel and Crow try to move away from the spraying champagne at 55:10.

I agree with Crow at 56:27, please stop.

Man, Crow keeps saying what I’m thinking.

At 59:45, Crow calls back to the oceanic opening credits from the Gamera films.

Oh goodness, again with the Brain That Wouldn’t Die-style KPORN saxophone…also, so does security want to like, check her bag or anything before she goes in to the president? No? Yeah, see, that’s exactly why security exists.

Wait, he did get shot? Huh? It would be nice if they would SHOW us what’s happening! And this is the most ineffectual political security ever.

Host Segment 3

As promised, Tom is back for the host segment.

I love Crow’s flowers on his net.

Joel was out in space for five weeks? I guess it was longer between episodes than I thought.  That’s what I get for not checking first.

It amuses me that the bots are just now asking about this, even though they obviously thought about before, since Servo did calculations. But Joel’s got a guitar and he’s ignoring their questions, sort of like how they ignored him earlier when he was trying to put them on trial.

Time and temperature again, 7:28 and down to 65°.

Joel and the bots sing us a lovely part of the theme song to remind us to just relax about the eating and breathing thing. I’m guessing they anticipated people calling/writing in with questions about how Joel survived. As much as this episode guide exists to overthink things, that kind of science fact I am quite relaxed about, and I don’t mind being reminded.

I wonder whose guitar that is. It might be Josh’s, since I know he has musical inclinations. It doesn’t look the same as the guitar Larry has during the Clay and Lar’s Flesh Barn song in Women of the Prehistoric Planet [104], but that doesn’t mean it’s not still his. Also, do you think Joel’s really playing the guitar here? It sure looks like he is, but I’ve heard him say in interviews that he doesn’t play the guitar. Maybe he just meant he doesn’t anymore, or very much.

I think Crow is just moving his mouth, not actually singing. Nice harmonies from Tom, though.

Movie pt. 4

Haha, she’s running to her inevitable death, it’s funny! These highly-trained assassins sure jog at a casual pace, don’t they? I guess they’re probably in heels.

At 1:08:21, Joel mentions that he likes a movie with lots of midriff. This one ought to make him happy, then, no midriff shortage here.

Classic “oh wow” from Joel at 1:12:28, and another at 1:12:39. I don’t know if I’m going to note all of them. Maybe I should, and then someday someone can make a pointless compilation video or something.

Wizard of Oz reference #16 at 1:12:46. Maybe someday someone can make a pointless compilation of these, too.

Crow makes Joel laugh at 1:12:53.

The guys have no patience for Frankie’s fourth-wall-breaking joke at 1:13:01.

Wow, what a pointlessly prolonged scene leading up to nothing. They did in two minutes what they could have done in 30 seconds. That’s padding Roger Corman could be proud of.  

Also, that cut. This movie can’t decide if it wants to be a comedy or not. Not that it’s succeeding at comedy, but sometimes it’s sure trying.

“I know it’s best” because I’m a man, albeit a wimpy, useless one. Man, just like City on Fire, this movie annoys me so much I can’t leave it alone, even though that’s not what this guide is for. (I also think it’s easy to start filling in riffs yourself in KTMA, when it’s slow.)

I just noticed Joel’s leaned way back in his chair.

He calls commercial at 1:21:07.

Sumuru’s mines are operated by switches? That seems far less effective than normal mines…

Joel keeps talking about midriffs. I guess he really is a fan. 

I’m sorry I keep talking about movie things, but why the heck is Frankie here? Isn’t his character just some rich playboy with no actual skills? Did I miss some line near the beginning that explained his extensive military training? I really might have, the sound was terrible.

Joel’s riff attempt at 1:32:26- he pauses to get his sentence in order, then still says “fooms” instead of “films”. I find that way funnier than I should.

Is Joel okay? He’s having a really hard time getting over Trace on the way out, again. Maybe they’re squished closer to the wall than usual?

Conclusion

 Apparently Servo’s mouth is broken now, so Joel moves it for him and makes him sing.

Joel mentions they’ve got 900 people in the fan club. That’s extremely impressive for a dinky little puppet show on local UHF. Seems like people could tell from the beginning that MST3K was destined for greatness.

The fan club newsletter is called The Binding Polymer? I wonder why. Just science-y sounding, I guess.

Why does Joel need to move Servo’s mouth to talk when he’s not even onscreen? Maybe he can’t talk at all if his mouth doesn’t move. That seems like an odd design choice for a robot, but then again, so do most aspects of the bots. Speaking of Tom’s mouth, is KTMA Tom’s mouth the same as regular Tom’s mouth, but upside down? I’m probably just crazy.

Crow seems shocked by Joel’s sudden button press.

As he often does, Joel looks offscreen before the camera cuts away. He really does seem tired this week, doesn’t he? Hope he went home after this and slept.

Kevin’s listed under “Puppet Operation” in the credits. Maybe that means he was running Gypsy in the second host segment.

Thoughts on the Movie

          Wow. You know, after reading a little bit about it, I had hopes that The Million Eyes of Sumuru would be a little bit higher quality than the past few movies we’ve seen. In some ways, that’s true.

          But overall, I have to say…WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE?! I have so many questions: Why can’t George Nader and Frankie Avalon stop being smug and sardonic and cutesy for three and a half seconds? Why did they frame shots so half the time you can’t tell what’s going on? And President Boong? First of all, Boong, really? Second of all, Sinonesia? What? Third of all, he is clearly a white guy in eyeliner and all of this is supposed to be remotely acceptable to the audience!? I mean, Fu Manchu was racist, too, but at least they made some attempt to suspend audience disbelief.

          And the really big one: how do you think they fit this much misogyny into one film? Remember, even if a woman hates men and has dedicated her whole life to destroying them, she still becomes instantly smitten if touched by a man, no matter how unattractive. Also, even if she is a trained martial-artist-assassin, she will not make any attempt to stop said man from touching her, because she is a woman. Yes, women exist solely as sexual creatures who could never desire anything more than to be dominated by men, no matter what they may try to convince themselves otherwise. In fact, every human being is motivated only by sex at all times! And was that significant glance between Helga and the other chick at the end there supposed to redeem anything? Sax Rohmer, Harry Towers, Kevin Kavanagh (screenwriter on this fine, fine film)- y’all have issues.

          This movie has plenty of other stupidity which I’m not going to bother to get into. I think I’ve expressed my feelings adequately. It’s not unwatchable in the way Castle of Fu Manchu is, but it’s plenty more offensive. Let’s just move on with our lives.

Review

          This one was okay. As I said before, Josh thrives the most on the improv riffing, and the second part really starts to drag once he leaves. I still laughed out loud at several riffs, (favorite riff- Crow: Does she always make that noise when she walks?) but there’s a lot of dead space in between. Compared to the past few episodes, it definitely has less energy, which also makes it easier to get caught up in the badness of the movie.

          Overall, had good parts, wouldn’t put it in my KTMA top five, by any means. Still, with every episode the guys seem to figuring out more and more the feeling they want in the movie and host segments. You can see it moving towards its destination.