#ALSO my long term partner and i finally decided that we’re gonna call it quits and just be roomates a couple days ago and like it needed to

[spockoholic]

weird birthday vibes this year, wonder if my brother is gonna text me back (we are twins) or if he’s just gonna ghost me again this year

poll????

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Alright alright alright

You’ve all been asking for it, so here it is! 

This will be (edit: HELLA) long and obviously spoiler-y, so everything is under a cut. 

Are you ready?

Before we get to it, I want to mention that for the sake of keeping things organized, I will NOT be talking about my AU (@ask-whitepearl-and-steven​) in this post. I want to just analyze the show as a viewer and a fan first. I’ll make a seperate post for AU-thoughts a bit later.

Without further ado:

EP 1: LITTLE HOMESCHOOL

This is a great way to open up the episode and show the changes through the lens of someone who has been a bit out of it for a while (we are all Cherry Quartz, fresh from the hiatus, aren’t we?) but I’m sorry, this post still takes the cake:

Okay, okay, back to the program.

“That used to be a loaded question...“

Right off the bat, Steven is SO much more confident about saying that he’s... HIMSELF! What a good feeling. I’m very proud of our boy. 

I love the name “Gemglyph” for the gem language! I’ll need to know who wrote these, though. And who the heck drew the diamonds? Hopefully it was BP. 

And I’m not the first one to point this out, but MORE ANIME REFERENCES!

Which can be seen as either a reference to the Chill Low-Fi Hiphop Beats to Study To OR Whisper of the Heart. 

And absolutely no one cares but something that caught my eye is the fact that they have an EARTH FLAG at Little Homeschool! How cool is that!

Earth 4ever!!! 

Off-note - I love how INVESTED they are in this conversation Pearl is having with Holo-Pearl.

Peak entertainment. 

I love Professor Amethyst and I love the random human who snuck in to apparently take lessons on Not Giving A Single Shit About Anything, Ever. 

And here we FINALLY are in the FUTURE

Where we FINALLY get Jasper as a functioning character

And 

She’s

SO DRAMATIC, I LOVE HER.

This is literally SO funny like she... she was just... laying on top of her house... under a blanket..... FOr WHAT? To stand up dramatically and throw it off when Steven inevitably paid a visit? 

Is that just what she dOES? 

“It’s FINE I don’t need any HELP, I’m FUNCTIONING, I’m just having a SELF CARE DAY OK”

Also I’m sorry but

Jasper: “It took forever to yank those puny green earthlings out of the ground.”

Steven: “You mean grass...?“

THIS. RIGHT HERE. is peak Jasper. 

It’s also curious how INVESTED Steven is in this:

“I’m TRYING to give you [a purpose]!“

Why are you... trying to do that, though? Isn’t the whole idea for gems to surpass their ‘purpose’ and just kinda... do whatever? Isn’t Jasper just kinda... doing whatever? 

I mean, sure, it’s not useful to anyone, but she seems relatively happy. Aside from. You know. The whole laying on rocks under blankets until she’s disturbed thing and-- okay, you’re right, maybe an intervention would be healthy. 

I’m not gonna talk at length about the rest of the episode - although I think it’s really good, I don’t know what I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. Jasper is definitely poking Steven’s buttons and rephrasing a LOT of what WHITE has said to Pink: “You surround yourself with inferior gems because it makes you feel better.”

And Steven REACTS to this. The taunt WORKS.

And yes, he gains some extra powers for it, but something tells me this AIN’T the only thing he will get. It feels like a two-edged sword. Like it’ll be his own downfall somehow....... maybe at the end of the series. 

Ashes to ashes.... hole to hole.

And oh wow I thought they were gonna bond but LMAO

“Consider your fight back there your first and ONLY lesson.“

Basically:

I love you Jasper.

EP 2: GUIDANCE

I LOVE YOU AMETHYST.

sHE’S doing SO much and she’s SO good at it!! Look at her!! Organizing stuff!!!! 

RUBIES IN SUNGLASSES. IN SQUARE SUNGLASSES. 

I need 20. 

And I also need 20 of Larimar because holy shit that’s hilarious. 

Larimar: “I want to hear the human screams forever.”

Steven: “Okay that’s kinda troubling.”

I love the reference to Monsters Inc here and I love the callback at the end of the episode when Larimar switches to Human Laughter to get her fill of that particular erm... need. 

And honestly the ensuing chaos is equally predictable and entertaining. 

I’m SO glad to know that Rubies are just... Like That and that actually Navy is not a deviation from the norm but rather a different flavor of the chaotic energy all Rubies naturally seem to possess. 

Amethyst is also super relatable:

“Ah yes, the fool comes crawling back. Come to beg for forgiveness, have you?”

In fact, the episode’s WHOLe HUMOUR is just very much My Brand

“Sometimes you save all the people but the rollercoaster still crashes into the ocean...... and that’s okay.”

Including the Running Gag that is Onion. Who... does not appear to have aged. At all. And that’s okay.

EP 3: ROSE BUDS

Okay where do I even begin with this one. Um.

I have to openly admit that I spent the majority of this episode wheezing with laughter. Let’s start with the Zoomans:

Who are CLEARLY STILL SUPER SALTY AT GREG ABOUT REJECTING THEM??? Which is hilarious. 

And also this paradise is fascinating in and of itself. 

But the next scene is basically where I started losing my shit.

Okay, okay, alright so. Uh. I have... a few questions.

Like Why. WHY. Does she look. SO MUCH like Rose? 

Clearly Rose Quartz differ in coloring and etc. But She literally looks. Like THE Rose. VERY explicitly. 

So here’s several options here:

1) Pink made Rose Quartz way before any of the Rebellion happened and Pearl just basically pigeonholed her into THIS specific Rose Quartz appearance because she (???) had a crush? Or somehow saw this specific Rose, thought ‘hot, i can make my sympathetic Diamond wear this exact costume and that would be EXCELLENT fanservice for ME’

2) Pink didn’t have any Rose Quartz until the Rebellion, and thereafter quickly decided ‘I need these gems as an alibi, so we’re just gonna make them” and she and Pearl basically inclubated Rose Quartz like a pokemon trainer hatching for a Shiny until they got one that looked Exactly Like That. 

3) There was no Thinking involved because this is Pink we’re talking about, and it was all just a huge coincidence for the sake of this Very Hilariously Uncomfortable Episode. 

While we ruminate on that, let’s look at some Relatable Reactions.

And here we have the holy trinity of “I have just seen the clone of my deceased parent/parental figure/lover.”

Featuring: Bonus ‘I’m Almost Over It’ Pearl

Also, I need y’all to make this into a meme:

For example:

Anyway, alright, alright. 

That relatable feel when your (hot) dead lesbian lover’s clone asks you if you’re okay after another one of the (less hot?) clones offers you a whole ass stick of butter to eat. 

And then you and your friends all hide in the bathroom to talk about your feelings:

Okay, the rest of the episode gives me FEELINGS and I love how hard Steven is trying, so I’ll just close it off with:

I LOVE THEM. Unironically, they are EVERYTHING I had hoped Rose Quartz would be. They’re SO MUCH like Rose herself - did she model her personality after them? Or are they just like her because she WAS like that, and they’re made from her essence? WHO KNOWS?! They’re adorable!

And the conflict between them and Steven is honestly so gooD! I don’t know if it’s completely relatable but I’m glad they ended up talking it out.

I wonder if we’ll ever see Her again... you know who I’m talkin’ about. 

Her....

I’m madly in love with Rose, ok, I don’t need a callout post. Just leave me be.

EP 4:  VOLLEYBALL

Alright, alright, alright.

OKAy,.... It’s fine. It’s FINE. I’m fINE. 

Confirmed: 8000 years. That’s. UH. A LOT? That puts our timelines quite a ways back. We kind of estimated as much, but still, it’s so jarring to think about. And PP is VERY casual about it. 

She’s also VERY casual about the injury.

“This is all Pink Diamond!”

It doesn’t seem like it bothers her to talk about it at all. She’s not even trying to keep it a secret. So I’m almost wondering - was there a connection to her being taken by White and the injury at all or not? 

She came to Steven to get healed - she clearly wants it gone. At the time she was injured, did Pink not even attempt to heal the injury? 

Follow up question: If she DID care, why didn’t she try to heal it?

Follow up to the follow up: Was it because she didn’t know she could? Or did she simply not have the time to (White removed her before she could)? 

When Steven goes pink, she gasps - but makes no further comment. It’s presumably because she’s seen this happen before. She doesn’t try to move away, weirdly enough - she asks him if everything is alright. Perhaps the context is too different for it to be triggering for her. Perhaps there’s more layers to it? HMMM. 

What follows is, perhaps, the SALTIEST we’ve seen Pearl since Greg rolled around.

“Did you come to compete?”

This is doubly curious to me because Crewniverse has previously explicitly stated that Pearl was NOT in love with Pink Diamond. She was in love with Rose. So if this is true, why would Pearl care about her place as Pink’s Pearl? She is supposed to be past all that, isn’t she? 

And yet as time goes on, the salinity grows exponentially. Alright, you two, I know you’re Pearls but tone it down with the sass. 

(Also, I’m sorry but I will NEVER call her Volleyball. That’s all. Bye.)

Also it’s worth noting that... PP is clearly VERY much in love with Pink.

This is, perhaps, where the lack of a grudge plays into it. She’s completely enamoured.

Moreover, she’s VERY casual about how she talks here. This isn’t exactly how one talks of their Diamond. This is how people talk about their romantic partners. She calls Pink silly, calls her ‘funny’. That’s not exactly a term of respect - it’s way more intimate than that. 

Also, did anyone else notice how, although CG Pearl’s gem is usually shaded in teal, it’s in Pink in this episode? VEEEERY subtle, Crew.

Also, we can’t quite see Pink Pearl’s expression fully here because her working eye isn’t visible, which makes it hard to get a read on things like

“I’m older than you.“ Is she just saying it casually? Or is she fully aware that she’s poking fun at CG Pearl? 

HI SHELL. ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW YOUR VOICE AND YOUR NAME ARE A SUBTLE NOD TO PORTAL, WHICH IS FORESHADOWING HOW BADLY THIS IS GONNA END. 

Meanwhile, Pearl continues to be in character.

“No need to be overly... attached.”

And this has nothing to do with anything but

she cute

Aaaand now it’s creepy again.

The rest of this is super important so let’s get to it:

“Oh, no. Pink did this.”

“What did you say?”

“It’s a funny story, really. Once, Pink got tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony, so she went straight to White. Of course, White told her she wasn’t fit to run one... and well! That set her off.”

“Set her off? What are you talking about?”

“You remember how she was! With her destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right! She had a scream that could crack the walls. She didn’t mean to hurt me! (giggle) I just happened to be standing too close to her that time and--”

And then Steven interrupts. 

We get more CG Pearl arguing for how wrong this image of Pink is to her. What CG Pearl knew was a totally different (or, well, same, but VERY changed) Pink. 

But what we have to prove our point is Steven himself. He rolls into the EXACT same state as Pink presumably did - and begins to over-use his powers. 

(This isn’t the first time we have seen him use this attack.)

The reactions from the Pearls are telling - this is clearly not Pink Pearl’s first rodeo with this type of Mood. 

And it’s important to note that Steven clearly didn’t direct any attack AT them. He simply yelled - and the whole dang place literally started to crack. There’s weight to the argument that possibly, Pink really DIDN’T mean to hurt her Pearl - that she was just collateral damage. 

Which doesn’t make it any better, obviously. Even if Pink had no direct intention of hurting her Pearl (and there are theories that Pink purposefully hit or threw Pink Pearl or somehow physically acted directly to damage her, which I was skeptical of) the result of it is still the same.

If you raise your voice and yell, even if you’re just yelling because YOU are hurt/have feelings, you might still hurt the people around you. If you throw a tantrum, even if your direct goal was just to let off some steam without aiming to harm anyone, whoever gets in your way is still the victim. 

And this is all very much On Brand for Pink’s timeline as we know it. We already knew this about her - we KNEW she tended to throw tantrums (like in the flashback on Jungle Moon) and that she was childish. The fact that she accidentally hurt her Pearl in the process because she had no self-control at that period in her life comes as no surprise. 

(Although it’s important to mention that perhaps hurting her own Pearl WAS the breaking point during which she finally realized how her emotional outbursts could have negative consequences on those around her.)

And this is a very beautiful message - even if Pink Pearl still doesn’t want to blame Pink for what was done to her (”But... she didn’t mean to!”) Pearl brings the point of it back around to her (”But you were still hurt!”) The point isn’t the person who did the hurting - the focus is on the victim and how they were affected. 

And the rest, I daresay, is history. 

I like the fact that they managed to still bring it back around to the main message: 

It isn’t about just “Pink was bad”. It’s about how she did bad things. And there were multiple sides to her - multiple stages. And the Pearls who knew her knew different sides of her - the side that didn’t know how to be a good person, who was selfish and childish and unrestrained... and  the side that was, arguable, too restrained. Who hated her own past, her own character and her own mistakes so much that she would rather bury them and keep secrets from everyone. 

And neither of those things were good, and neither were healthy, but they are a GREAT contrast to a GREAT character arc that is, arguably, still being unearthed. And we have so much more context for it all now. 

I, for one, can’t wait to see and discover more of Pink through Pink Pearl - no matter how ugly that side of her might be. I think it gives great perspective to her later growth. 

And if you ship the Pearls.. .well, I get why. 

Personally I’m not interested in it that way. Call me unromantic - I don’t think their relationship NEEDS to be shippy in order to be satisfyingly deep. I love the idea of them having a deep bond over this - a shared past, a shared experience, and gaining confidence through one another. 

Cheers and thanks for listening!

[mxchellesworld]

𝟑 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟐

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, phone sex, mutual masturbation, dirty talk

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

***

The next few weeks went by in a breeze. It was now mid December and you were excited for the holiday season. You weren’t able to go with your family this year but Abbie had promised to make the time as festive as possible in your new home. Cat had scheduled time off to spend it with you and Spencer as the both of your jobs already gave you the days free. 

They started to take you out to fancier places. You’d all dress up and sip on fine wine in restaurants. However you also had time with both of them individually. Spencer loved to take you to places where he could show off his knowledge. Dates to the museum or aquariums were your favorite. He would always talk your ear off and you would happily hang on to each word, asking him to further explain a certain topic. 

Cat was more for artistic dates. She signed you guys up for painting classes. Each one of your masterpieces were now hanging up in your apartment, greeting you every time you got home. Or a ceramics class where she wasn’t too fond of how messy clay can get. One of your favorites was a wine tasting class. Spencer had to take you guys home after one too many glasses. 

Slowly the emotional and physical bruises were disappearing. Neither of you had mentioned going back to the club. You didn’t mind though, it was probably for the best you take a break from that scene. You knew they still went, obviously being owners they needed to keep up appearances. 

Just because you weren’t playing at the club didn’t mean you weren’t having fun at home. After your stunt of trying to be in control they spent their time showing you exactly who was in charge. Shocker: not you. 

But just like their personalities had shifted your sex life had as well. Each time was filled with more of those kisses which made the butterflies in your tummy go crazy. More of your fingers interlaced and sharing each others breathes as you came down from your highs. More silent whispers of those three little words that made you all feel warm inside. 

_

You had finally been able to have that long waited brunch with Penelope. She told you to go to her favorite cafe. It was bright pink with rainbows and unicorns littering every single corner. 

You walked in and she called your name from a booth in the corner. She was excitedly waving you over. You had noticed her outfit was quite different than the one when you met her. The black corset was replaced by a knee length dress, it was pink and had colorful little shapes all over. She also donned chunky necklaces and had fluffy pins in her hair. 

“Y/n I am so happy to see you again!” she said pulling you into a hug. Her embrace was extremely comforting. It felt like when Abbie hugged you, the same sisterly protectiveness they both radiated. 

“Me too Penelope! How have you been? How was visiting your brother?” you questioned her as you sat down. 

She explained her family situation and you silently listened to her. Your hand instinctively grabbed hers from across the table, trying to bring her a gentle form of comfort and understanding. 

A waitress came by and asked what you’d like to order. You decided to get a lemon tea and a strawberry chocolate crepe. Penelope on the other hand ordered a unicorn blast frappe with a slice of chocolate cake. 

You both ate and talked about any updates in your life. You had told her about how you were mainly going to be alone for the holidays so she had invited you to her house for the annual party she threw. 

“Most people from the club go. We’re all really close and it’s fun to see each other in a different light ya know. I’m sure everyone would love to meet you,” she said taking a sip of her equally colorful drink. 

“Sounds fun. I’ll think about it and let you know alright,” you said cutting into the crepe. Of course you wanted to go but you didn’t know if Cat and Spencer wanted to have you around their friends yet. You guys haven’t had the conversation about making everything official but it was obvious you guys were a step up from the past dynamic. 

Once you guys had finished up eating she insisted on paying the bill. After a few minutes of bickering you relented and let her pay, “Fine, I’ll let you get it this one time but don’t be surprised if muffins suddenly show up at your house,” you said pointing a finger at her. 

She gave you a hug goodbye and wished you a safe drive home. You did the same and promised to keep her updated about your stance on going to her party.

_

Arriving at your house, you saw you had a missed call from Spencer. You set your stuff down and threw yourself on your bed, having your phone on speaker as it rang. 

Three rings later and you heard his voice float through the air, “Hey hey,” he said stressing the ‘y’. 

You giggled as you answered, “Hey Spence, What’s got you in a good mood?”

“I am glad you asked Y/n/n. I just finished all my grading for my classes this term and suddenly have the afternoon free,” he said excitedly. 

You were aching to see the smile you knew was on his face so you hit the button to switch the call to facetime. Like you had predicted he there was a smile on his face spread from cheek to cheek. His phone was propped up on his desk and you could see his whole face and torso. He was wearing one of his suit and sweater combos, which you thought were adorable. 

“Very nice, any big plans for the night?” you asked holding the phone up high as you laid in bed. You noticed the top buttons on the flannel you had on were popped off, showing the red lacy bra you had on underneath. Spencer’s lack of response let you know what he was looking at. 

“See something you like Sir?” you said in a teasing voice.  

He cleared his throat, his eyes shifting back to look at your face, “Of course I do. Who were you trying to impress wearing that under your clothes? Do they already know you belong to someone else?”

You decided to play along and tease him. The inner brat in you was aching to be let out so you had to have some fun. You set your phone to be propped up by your pillows as you rested on your knees in front of it. 

“Yeah and to who is that exactly? I don’t see a collar around my neck Spencie,” you said further unbuttoning the shirt, letting it hang loosely around your frame. 

You saw him look to his side, probably making sure the door to his office was closed. “Is that what you need princess? Do you need me to get you a collar like a lost little puppy to show you and everyone else who that tight little cunt belongs to,” he gritted into the phone. 

You shivered at his words. You had seen other people in the club with a choker type necklace around their necks. Many were simple with little designs while others had hoops at the front. Some people even tugged their partners around on a leash. You didn’t think you were there yet but the thought of everyone knowing who you belonged to because of a simple piece of leather around your neck was enticing. 

This time your silence let him know he had gotten to you, “Keep striping,” he said smirking into the camera. 

You pulled off the flannel and felt the hairs on your skin prick up from the chill in your room. “Keep going princess. I wanna see all of you.” 

Hopping off the bed you put your fingers in the leggings you had on and tugged them down your legs. Spencer licked his lips at the sight of the lacy set in contrast to your skin. All your best aspects were on display. You crawled up towards the phone and saw Spencer shifting with his pants. You grabbed the phone again and went back to your previous position of laying down. 

“Touch yourself for me princess,” you heard Spencer say. 

You let your hand slide down between your legs grazing over the lace material, you could feel the slowly growing wet patch. A sigh left your lips at the sensation, your fingers teasing over your clothed slit. 

“I wish you were here Sir,” you said looking into the phone. You could make out the motions of Spencer pumping his cock but the visual was under the frame, “Can I watch you?” you tried to say in your most convincing voice. Knowing about his soft spot for you, you’d get your way easily. 

He scooted his chair back a little and angled his phone giving you a full view. You moaned at the sight of his long cock dripping with precum, the way he used his thumb to collect it over the tip just how he liked it. 

“Fuck princess, I wish you were here too. I’d bend you right over the table and fuck you hard enough for everyone in this damn building to hear,” he groaned. 

You let your fingers slip inside the fabric and gather some of your slick. You used it to rub quick circles on your clit before you inserted one of your fingers. You whined wishing it was one of his longer, fuller ones. 

Your eyes raked over the phone screen, taking in the way his head fell back as he pleasured himself. The way the long veins on his hands popped out drove you wild. 

You weren’t shy about hiding your moans. You let them float through the room and into the phone freely as you fingered yourself. Neither of you were saying much but the thought of each others presence was enough to have you guys panting. 

“I’m so close Sir,” you moaned, “I wish I had your big cock inside me.”

“That’s it baby, fuck yourself while you think of me. Just wait until I get my hands on that sweet body again, I’m gonna fuck you till you cry princess,” he said breathlessly. 

His words spurred you on and soon enough the knot in your belly was exploding. You took the fingers out from inside of you and quickly rubbed your clit. Your other hand had a hulk-like grip on your phone

“Cum with me Sir. Please,” you mewled out. 

“I’m right there with you princess.”

You both let out sighs of pleasure. His a bit more quiet due to being on campus and the walls could only do so much. You tried your hardest to keep your eyes open and gaze over everything on your phone. You tried to catch his facial expression down to the spurts of cum dripping down his hand. 

You stayed spread out on your bed as you watched Spencer clean himself up with a pack of tissues on his desk. He then tucked his now soft cock into his pants and picked up the phone looking at you with a smile. 

“Hey,” you whispered. 

“Hey pretty girl,” he said back. 

You thought back to Penelope’s invitation and decided to bring it up to him, “I was at lunch with Pen today and she brought up a party she holds for the holidays. Maybe it’s dumb but do you and Cat wanna go together? Like with me I mean,” you asked laying on your side. 

“Yeah I don’t see why not princess. We’ve been meaning to show you off to everyone at the lounge but we didn’t know if you were ready to go back,” he trailed off. 

“I understand. Thank you guys for being so patient,” you said. Your heart felt soft at how they wanted to introduce you to their friends. 

“Maybe by New Years or something we have a big event. You can even get me collar and all,” you said with a teasing giggle. 

He playfully groaned, “God you wanna kill me don’t you.” You shared a laugh and looked at your phones in silence taking in each other. The same giddy feeling you get when you’re around them flowed through you. 

_

The day of the party had came sooner than expected. Penelope was over the moon that you accepted her invitation. You showed up to Cat and Spencers apartment around 6pm to head over to Penelope’s house together. Your eyes raked over Cat’s frame as she opened the door. 

She was wearing a deep red dress that went down to her knees. It had a lace trim and black belt around her waist. Her hair was done in curls which fell to her shoulders. Looking back her face, the dark lipstick she always wears was painted across her now smirking lips. 

“Get a good look angel?” she said looking you up and down. 

You had on a forrest green dress that fell to your mid-thigh. Your hair was in looser curls and you did minimal makeup. 

“Always Mistress,” you said with a wink. 

She brought you into a hug and gave you a small squeeze. Looking into the hallway you saw Spencer make his way over to where you stood. He had on one of his dark suits. The only spec of color on him was the red and green tie around his neck and the mix matched Christmas socks peeking from under his slacks. 

Once she let you go. Spencer took his turn to wrap his arms around you. You inhaled the scent of his usual peppermint and Calvin Klein cologne. He rocked you back and forth then let go and looked you up and down. 

“Both of you look absolutely beautiful tonight,” he said with a small smile. 

“Spence come on you look as dashing as always,” you said dusting off his shoulder. 

“Well shall we get going?” Cat said shrugging on her coat.  

You and Spencer nodded then made your way down to the elevator. Cat’s fingers interlocked with yours as Spencer held his hand at the small of your back. 

The car ride there was mostly quiet. You watched as the lit up streets passed you by. Storefronts with reefs and gigantic bows on top of their logos as decoration. Soon enough the driver stopped and they led you to Penelope’s door. You could hear the music from outside and you felt excited for what the night held. 

Spencer rang the doorbell and after a minute Penelope whipped the door open. You could smell the booze and gingerbread radiating off of her. 

“Hello my little sugar cookies, I’m so glad you could make it.” she said ushering you all in. You gathered she was already too intoxicated to question how you all showed up together. Of course you spoke too soon and she turned around pointing at the three of you. 

“Wait how do you all know each other?” she questioned. 

You were about to speak up and mention that you became friends after your first time at the club but Cat cut you off. 

“Y/n is our girlfriend.”

𝐚/𝐧; 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐥!!! 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐡𝐡, 𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞.

[bbmyungho]

wager- joshua

member/group: joshua/seventeen

genre: fluff, hogwarts!au, hufflepuff!reader, slytherin!joshua, other members of svt thrown in for good measure :))

a/n: i saw @luvshuas posting about wanting to read hogwarts aus and i thought i’d write them one 🥺 i hope you like it, i love your blog!! (also, super sorry it took me so long to write and post 👉👈)

“Come on, we’re almost there!” Seungkwan ushered me through the halls, panting as I tried to fasten my tie properly around my neck while we rushed to get to potions in time. We practically drifted around the final corner, right in time to stumble into Snape on his way to close the classroom door.

“Oh, how nice of you to join us, Mr. Boo. You too, l/n.” He sneered at us as we entered the class, shuffling down under his outreached arm and seeing all of the seats next to each other filled. I looked at my friend like I’d just been issued a death sentence, his sympathetic gaze already meeting mine. “Oh, what a pity; you two decided to muck about while the rest of us actually bothered to show up on time so there are no seats left next to each other. Hmm.” Snape hummed in bemusement at our misfortune, beady eyes peering around the room before settling back on us.

“Seungkwan, you can join Mr. Yoon in the back, and y/n... you can join Mr. Hong over to your left there.”

I shuffled meekly over to my seat, barely able to look at the admittedly extremely attractive Slytherin boy smiling at me as I approached.

“Hi, I’m Josh.”

“y/n.” I smiled shyly, picking out my potions supplies and waiting for Snape to give us the go ahead to begin our brewing.

“Nice to meet you, y/n. Do you play quidditch?” Josh was laying his head down on his arms now, staring up at me with big doe eyes while I fought the urge to run away back to my comfortable Seungkwan.

“Uh, no. Do- you?”

“Yes, I’m the keeper.” He smiled up at me. “What do you do? Anything outside of classes?” He asked.

“I volunteer in the library sometimes. Keeping track of records and whatnot.” He nodded, presumably satisfied with my answer at last as he turned his attention to the professor now droning on about procedure. I took solace in these few moments of comfortable silence, exchanging a look with Seungkwan at the end of the mini lecture before Josh recalled my attention to him.

“I’ll go get the ingredients we need from the cabinet if you’ll start up with what we have here.” He suggested, reaching over to take the beakers from my side of the table. I caught a whiff of his cologne, fresh and sweet, like honeysuckle, making my cheeks heat up involuntarily at the close proximity to a boy I barely even knew.

“Yeah, sure.” I nodded, watching his back retreat before getting to work.

~

“Y/n!” I was pulled harshly back into reality from whatever daydream I’d been indulged in upon hearing my name, my heart clenching at the sight of some of the first year Hufflepuffs cornered by a Gryffindor boy: Marcus... something. I’d heard he was a bit of a troublemaker.

“Hey, what’s going on, guys?” I approached the group cautiously, the Gryffindor looking rather annoyed at my intrusion on his fun with my house’s first years. They looked like they were having anything but, one of the girls named Hannah bent over with her hands on her knees catching her breath. She looked like she’d just run a marathon, pretty much all of them did.

“We’re just playing a game.” He smiled, an unusual sneer more than anything; either way, it quickly disappeared as his eyes followed the Hufflepuff students away from the two of us. “Reckon you want in?”

Before I could react at all, he turned his wand on me, rushing something out before a loud pop sounded below me and I felt a sting in my leg. I hopped up on one foot, trying to dodge the firecrackers he’d manifested around my feet as I debated whether or not it was worth it to whip out my own wand and maybe turn him into a toad.

I didn’t have a chance before I heard a loud “D’Angelo!” shouted behind me, both of our heads whipping around to see Joshua and the Gryffindor prefect, Seungcheol, approaching; Seungcheol, usually quite smiley and known for being pretty “chill,” actually looked cross. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here?” He scolded. Marcus shoved his wand back into his robes, giving me a death glare before marching off with Seungcheol scolding him the whole way out of sight.

“Hey, you okay? What happened?” Josh’s gaze and tone were both gentle now, his bangs blowing close to his pretty brown eyes in the breeze.

“Yeah, I’m fine. He was picking on some of our first years, but I didn’t want to draw my wand on him or anything so... Uh, thanks for bringing Seungcheol over.” I said, dusting the embers of Marcus’s enchantment off of my legs.

“Oh no problem, we were just walking to the Great Hall. How are your kids?” He asked.

“They’re fine, I’m sure. I don’t know how long he’d been picking on them like that, but they probably just ran back to the common room or something.” I smiled at him, running a hand through my hair as I straightened. “I’m sorry I interrupted your trip to the Great Hall.”

“Don’t worry about it, we can always reconvene later,” he hesitated before adding, “would you maybe like to join me since I lost Cheol?”

I flushed scarlet at his words, quite caught off guard: sure, he was nice and all, but we weren’t really friends. The most I’d heard out of him until potions the other day was a little bit of conversation here and there between him and his friends in passing.

“Uh, actually, I think I’ll go check on the first years, make sure they’re okay. Thank you though.”

“Oh, isn’t the Hufflepuff common room in the kitchens? How about we just walk together til then; we’d be going the same direction, right?” He cocked his head and god if I didn’t think he was pretty before, now I thought he was adorable.

“Oh yeah. Right. Uh, in that case, sure.” I blushed deeper if possible, Josh holding out his hand to beckon me forward ahead of him.

~

“Who was that?” My friend, Momo, didn’t miss a beat in questioning me once the door to the common room closed behind us; we’d arrived at around the same time, and Joshua had bid us a quick farewell when he was sure I was back safe.

“Oh, his name’s Josh. We were paired up in potions the other day and I guess we’re sort of friends now?” I said, greeting Seungkwan with a simple pat to the head before making my way up to my dorm.

“Friends? That’s it? What was he doing here then?!”

“Relax, he just walked me back.” I began to fiddle with my hands as I tried to brush off Momo’s (loud) words, which were earning us a fair amount of attention from the quieter patrons of the common room. Although, I couldn’t quite settle the flutter of butterflies in my stomach or the comfortable heat rushing to my cheeks. 

“Aww, you’re blushing! You’re definitely in to him!” She squealed, wrapping her arms around my torso and jumping happily. 

“No I’m not! I- we barely know each other! We’ve talked like twice, and he’s a Slytherin! We’d never work!” 

“He’s sweet, though, right?” She teased, poking my cheek as I flushed further. “He’s obviously cute! Come on, what’s holding you back?”

“I- just- ugh, can you just leave it alone?” I whined, covering my now very red cheeks with my hands as she smiled. She just shrugged and finally walked off, leaving me to walk into my dorm alone and flop down onto the bed with a frustrated sigh. 

I didn’t like Joshua. Sure, he was handsome and charming and helpful and just about everything I’d find attractive in just about anyone, but we barely knew each other, and we were from polar opposite houses! I was burdened by Momo’s words for the rest of the night, not speaking much at dinner as my eyes searched the dining hall for a certain dark haired Slytherin. 

~

“Alright everyone! For this project, I’ll need you to form groups of two; choose wisely! I’ll give you all a moment to form your groups and find a spot to settle in.” Professor Sprout smiled brightly over the sea of students currently present in our joint herbology class with the Slytherins, everyone now scampering to find their friends and pair up as quickly as possible. 

I turned excitedly to see Seungkwan already giving me a knowing look, smiling and patting the space next to him as I strode over happily. My heart dropped, however, when none other than Momo sat herself down in the seat previously meant for me, whispering something to Seungkwan before they both looked at me, their eyes flitting over teasingly to a group of boys that had yet to settle in. God no, please no-

“Hey y/n, do you have a partner yet?” I turned to see Josh smiling at me expectantly, my heart fluttering as I took in his hair and his lips and damn it maybe I was starting to come to terms with my crush on Joshua- “Uh, y/n?”

I realized I hadn’t replied to him yet in all of this time I’d been ogling him, his eyebrows furrowed in a hint of concern as my mouth fell open and closed quickly. “Oh, uh, yeah- I mean, no, no I don’t have a partner yet.” I smiled sheepishly, Josh’s own smile widening. “Would you, maybe, wanna work together?”

“I was gonna ask you, actually.” He said, motioning me towards the first open station we saw. I smiled and nodded, tossing a glare over my shoulder at Momo and Seungkwan silently cheering me on in the background before we sat down and Joshua’s presence fully stole my attention.

~ 

“y/n!” I startled at the sudden calling of my name in the previously perfect silence of the library, looking up from my records work to see Joshua emerging from the shelves.

“Hi, Josh. Do you need anything?” I asked, taking note of the books he had stacked in his arms.

“Just wanted to check these two out, please.” He said, placing them gently next to the records book in front of me. I smiled and took down the serial numbers and his name quickly, handing the books back to him as quickly as possible so I could finish up my work for the day. It hit me like a lightning bolt when his hand brushed mine as he accepted each of the books back, a glimmer in his eye when I looked at him inquisitively. “Have you read them?”

“Oh, no, not those. Uh, interesting choice of books.” I squirmed awkwardly under the weight of the mundane conversation, mentally facepalming at my inability to think of literally anything else to say.

“They’re for a charms report,” he smiled, “are you coming to the Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin match on Saturday by any chance?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I might just stay in and do some homework, maybe take care of some of my chores that I’ve been putting off-“

“Oh, come on, live a little. Or have you already come to terms with your house’s loss?” He taunted. I rolled my eyes.

“Badgers eat snakes, dear, I think we’ll be just fine.” I teased back. He laughed, a sound I wouldn’t have minded hearing more often, of course, and leaned forward onto the desk.

“How about we make a wager: if Slytherin wins, I get to take you on a date.” My breath hitched in my throat, causing me to choke and my chest to explode into a quiet coughing fit that probably only fanned the flame under Joshua.

“Where did that come from?” I asked frantically.

“Where did your confidence go?” He asked. “What do you say?”

“What if we win?”

“Hmmm, unlikely, but... I’ll wear Hufflepuff robes the whole day Monday. I’ll even see if I can talk the whole team into it.” He said. I mulled over his words quietly, scanning over the pages of records I was taking down while I thought. 

“Okay, then. It’s a deal. I’ll see you Saturday.” I said, offering a shy glance up at him as I tried to keep the raging blush on my cheeks to a minimum. 

“Can’t wait. We’ll set a time and place after the match.” He said, strutting off happily with his books in hand. I bit my lip, fighting to repress the smile that threatened to turn up my lips when I heard a quiet “yes!” echo through the halls outside of the doors before they closed. 

~

“I’m glad you came with us, y/n! It’s been a while since we got you to come to a game!” Jihyo smiled brightly, Momo bouncing along next to her happily as she nodded along.

“Yeah, well, I just thought I’d get out instead of spending my weekend in the dorms. Honestly, it’s nice, getting all excited about watching a match again.” I said, rubbing the back of my neck and looking away towards the towering hoops.

“Yeah, they’ve picked up a new appreciation for the game just recently, actually.” Momo teased, nudging Jihyo and, subsequently, me. I glared at her while Jihyo just looked at us in confusion, leading us to a few empty seats where we’d get a good view of the game.

We sat down right in time to watch the players fly out in procession, Jihyo cheering as her boyfriend Daniel, one of the chasers for the Slytherin team, flew by. I couldn’t help but smile a little at the thought of me getting to cheer Joshua on when he flew out for a game. I did, actually, my breath catching a little in my chest when I saw him fly by with his dark green robes flapping around him, his hair blowing beautifully in the wind and skin gleaming in the sun. I felt my heart quicken when I observed him, now floating in front of the hoop, scanning the crowd for confirmation of my attendance.

It really was nice getting excited for a game, participating in the festivities... having a player searching for you in the crowd, listening specifically for your cheers over the rest. I waved at Josh when his eyes fell in my general direction, his lips quirking up into a lopsided grin when (I’m assuming) he saw me before his attention returned to the match just about to start.

I didn’t know much about the rules anymore, but I did remember enough to know that Joshua was very good and he was trying very hard to win. Whenever he made a good play, he’d look down at me and smile, once even mouthing something to me that I assumed was about taking me out. I felt bad, but I couldn’t help but feel a little downtrodden when my own house made a good play. Was that blasphemous?

Whatever it was, it was what I felt, and I could tell that Joshua was feeling it, too, whenever he’d look down on me with a little pout on his face and make me laugh. As the match got more intense, I leaned forward, the sounds of cheering fans and Momo’s occasional teasing drowning out as I zoned in fully, hoping and praying that Joshua could keep it up, that Jeonghan would catch the snitch.

The buzzer sounded. It was announced that Slytherin had just obtained the snitch. I was completely deaf to the crowd as I sprang from my seat, whooping and cheering while Momo gazed on happily and Jihyo clapped half heartedly along with me in confusion. Joshua’s smile in that moment could’ve made flowers grow, his eyes falling upon my smiling face as he joined the rest of the team for a victory lap around the arena.

[himbo-buckley]

The Big Buddie for Dummies Guide

Hello party people and welcome to whatever this was supposed to be!

Quite a while ago I got an ask by someone about doing a guide on all the canon indicators for Buddie to explain the ship to non-shippers and about 5 anxiety attacks and four weeks later, I finally did it!

So read, enjoy, reblog, validate, disagree!

Also here are some notes before we get started:

Buddie has been around a while now and there are some incredibly people writing about them and doing meta posts for them, some of which I asked for their opinion which I will link at the end and some of which I am quoting in a way / have been inspired by (Also feel free to send me all and every post related and I will link it in the text as I will try to do the same)

This Guide is organised by the following themes we find in the show with Buddie: trust - coparenting - connection and love life - subtext

I’m not gonna lie, this is incomplete af because tbh? There is so much stuff that can be interpreted as evidence for Buddie but this is too long already so I left some stuff out, I hope ya’ll don’t mind … (also the reblog  option exists for reason, just add on what I missed, I’m not gonna bite!)

I’m gonna assume the person who reads this has a general understanding of the show and its scenes because I cannot explain every scene down to it’s very detail (I mean I can but that’s another 20000 words worth of meta and not sure anyone wants to read that … again) but I will try and link fitting gifsets (again, send them my way if you feel I should include sth.)

I should also add a warning for the fact that I, personally, think I am hilarious but others might not but fellas, Idc! (Also I cuss, some people don’t like that?)

So let’s get this show on the road then, shall we? I call this meta : „We might end up real close.“

(alternate title: „Buddie stans ship hard but canon ships harder“ or „This is Timbo’s story (of becoming more famous than Joss Whedon) and I’m just it’s vessel“)

Trust

We’re gonna start this off strong (I mean all of them are strong themes) by talking about the biggest theme with Buddie which is trust. It goes all the way back to 2.01 and the gym scene and Buck basically telling Eddie he doesn’t trust him (complaining about Eddie’s comfort level, anyone?) and that he needs to earn that - which rude but also I get it.

In fact there are two main themes which I combined into Trust which begin in 2.01:

„You’re my problem“ and „You can have my back any day“ both of which sort of sum up Buddie, because from the get go Buck decides hey, this guy is my problem and then he proceeds to make everything about Eddie his business. Eddie meanwhile tells Buck he’d love to have him watching his back - meaning Eddie trusts him and wants Buck to be his partner.

(Side note: isn’t it beautiful how that is a complete reverse of their usual attitudes? Usually Buck trusts way to easy and Eddie never does but with each other it’s the opposite!)

Let’s look at the episodes in order, okay?

2.01: „I think I’ve seen this happen in porn before“

- „You’re my problem“: I’m gonna talk about the gym scene later a bit more but this sort of establishes the dynamic Buddie has? Because both are fascinated by and focused on each other from the get go. I mean: Eddie got to the 118 and everyone seemed to be nice to him except this one guy and instead of giving him a few days, thinking he’ll come around , Eddie is like: nah, I’ll confront him! Why? Maybe it’s gay, maybe it’s Maybelline, maybe Eddie „I am not enough“ Diaz was just sick and tired of everyone putting trust in him because soldier and craved the vibe check?

- „You can have my back“: Basically what happened was, they got the bomb out (being partners and in sync even when they didn’t like each other yet) and they stood outside and Eddie tries a new approach cause for some reason Eddie decided out of everyone at the 118 he needed Buck to like him specifically and so he pays the guy - who was nothing but rude to him so far but who is also very competent - a compliment and Buck gets all flustered and thankful - and „You’re my problem!“ gets rephrased into „Or you know, you could have mine!“

(Also the look of pure elation on Buck’s face when Eddie compliments him, you know the person Hen has basically said is so awesome and pretty it transcends sexualities? And he picks Buck of all people to have his back? Buck has no choice but to stan!)

- In terms of Trust we also get the pool scene which is our second instance of them being in sync and partners by both jumping into the pool and getting the guy out basically at the same time

2.02 / 2.03: „Why Edmundo Diaz hates earthquakes part 1 and part 2 (of 2)“

- „Where do you want us, Cap?“: Now looking at the timeline of 2.01 they’ve known each other for approximately four days as this is their fourth shift together (we see) and yet Eddie is already comfortable enough to answer for himself and Buck several times. He’s the one who decides they will go in and he answers the roll call later for the both of them. This is our first real instance of them being in sync and just their whole interaction, from Eddie going along with Buck’s plan about the elevator to everything else just shows how much they already trust each other.

- „I, uh, I love kids“: Also Buck in this episode, why was it so important that Eddie knows you like kids? Please share!

- “Eddie, you’re kid is in the safest place he can be.“: Connected to this is a sub-theme I like to call: ‚They know each other better than anyone else does‘ which is established here with Buck realising that Eddie is full of shit when he pretends not to worry about Chris so Buck spends some time trying to assure Eddie Chris is safe at school.

- „Is everything okay?“: Of course, the fact that Buck was the only one to check in with Eddie’s mental state from the truck scene onwards is very telling, because everyone else likes and trusts him but they don’t really care (yet)

- And the episodes end with everyone reuniting with their families, including Eddie - while Buck watches from the car because Buck drove him there because he has his back (also see Subtext)

2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“

This whole episode is what made several people ship Buddie and well, I can see it and I will talk about a lot of it with the other themes but for now:

- „I just feel bad for him. (…) Eddie’s working on it“: This episode really leans into the whole „You’re my problem“ with Buck apparently driving Eddie to the hospital (or at least coming along) to Buck clearing Chris coming to the station with Bobby to worrying about them at home until finally he introduces him to Carla.

Mind you, they haven’t known each other that long, yet Buck feels the need to meddle in Eddie’s life and fix his problems for him which, yes, is very Buck thing to do but still: Considering Eddie was introduced to us as this super capable guy, it’s interesting that Buck immediately saw through him and decided: yeah, that guy needs me to take care of him.

Or you know, to have his back.

2.07: „*Tommy Wiseau voice* Oh, hi Shannon!“

- „I needed someone to have my back“: This episode establishes the significance of „You can have my back“ even more because in this episode Shannon comes back and you know what they fight about? Eddie not having her back. Shannon quite literally says „I needed someone to have my back“ which is almost the same exact  Eddie tells Buck in 2.01 and with that wording as well ...

In the same scene Shannon also says how Eddie always knows best and is the one to make the decisions which  is another parallel you can draw to Buddie where Eddie began like that in 2.01 (the scene at the mechanic’s) and then began to follow Buck’s lead (the elevator shaft) / let Buck help him (Carla))

2.10: „It’s all about ‚figured it was none of my business‘“

I love this episode very much because there are several Buddie hints in there.

- “I think it’s none of our business.“: Connected to the topic of Trust is the scene between Chimney and Buck when they buy the Christmas tree and Buck keeps talking about Shannon coming to the station and the fact that Shannon and Eddie hooked up while Chim seems exasperated by this and frankly doesn’t care and he tells Buck as much, saying it’s none of their business. Except it is because Eddie is Buck’s problem, remember?

- „So … not gonna say anything?“: And then the „None of your / my business“ gets repeated in the scene when Buddie sits at the fountain talking about Chris and Shannon and they both say it’s none of Buck’s business. Yet Eddie then still tells Buck all about it sounding all defensive.

- It’s also the first instance of Eddie willingly searching out Buck’s advice about Christopher.

- And related to the topic of knowing each other well, considering how surprised Buck is by all of this, one sort of has to wonder how often they hang out outside of work. Because the way Buck acts makes one assume it’s quite a lot, which is why Buck is so hurt he doesn’t know about it.

- Also the fact that they so casually go somewhere with Christopher and the way Buck talks about him making it clear they have done this before.

- „Trying to protect your kid.“: On the topic of Trust I also wanna mention the fact that Eddie doesn’t trust Shannon with Christopher. Which is a direct parallel to 3.03 when Eddie tells Buck there is no one he trusts more with his son. And also 3.09 when Buck gets to be back in Chris’s life after the lawsuit as soon as Buddie made up yet Shannon needs to really beg for it? I mean, yeah.

2.13: „ Evan *I colour coordinate with bae while my sister is abducted and my brother is dying* Buckley“

- „Oh, no, I know what you were thinking.“: The scene at the hospital between Buck and Eddie does have a bit of subtextual relevance but I do think we should note the fact that this scene was in the show at all like this because wouldn’t Bobby have made a bit more sense? After all they spent one and a half Season before that making him the guy Buck goes to for advice and he has sisters as well, yet here we get Eddie being the one to talk to Buck.

We get Eddie basically telling Buck exactly what he needed to hear and while not exactly condoning his actions, he is also not judging them. Instead Eddie is telling Buck he might have done the same, because Eddie and Buck know each other and see each other.

So I wouldn’t necessarily call that scene Buddie-hinting but it does definitely play into the whole ‚having each other’s backs‘ and ‚knowing each other well‘ thing they got going on.

Also compare it to 3.06 in the way that both times Buck did something wrong and it was Eddie who actually took the time to listen to Buck’s reasoning and be the one to understand him, which is a very important part of their dynamic.

And the line „I wasn’t worried about that.“ in response to how Buck thought he would get away with all of this might be one of the top 10 heartbreaking lines of this show for me and that is saying a lot with 911!

2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“

I am not fully sure if the scene of Buck freaking out about Eddie going back in to save the kid really fits in here, but I’m also very unsure were else to put it, so Trust it is!

- „Eddie, what are you doing?”: It does fit into the whole having each other’s back thing with Buck immediately jumping into action to try and help Eddie

- But in all honesty prior to 3.14 this would have not made the cut as I would have been like: eh, that’s just who Buck is as a person - but as 3.14 will proof / has proven, he can be calm and collected even when his sister, his ACTUAL family is in danger and while I would argue it was in part because there was less he could do to actively help in 3.14, it still deserves to be mentioned now

- Side note: considering 2.13 / 2.14 and 3.14 / 3.15 this marks two occasions were Buck being worried for Maddie’s life was followed by an episode of Buck being worried for Eddie’s life and that too deserves mentioning

2.18: „insert *Jane Austen film*-gif: It’s about the hands!“

- I’m not really sure if this is really connected to Trust but Eddie holds Buck’s hand the whole time, even after he has dragged him out from under the firetruck until they disappear in the ambulance.

- Also the fact that Eddie, who is probably stronger than Chimney, is the one helping Hen drag Buck out from under the fire truck while Chimney helps lift it is … worth a mention.

- Definitely connected to Trust is Buck’s insistence to going to Eddie’s ceremony because this is Eddie and he has his back

3.01: „How you know he no sleep naked?“

Yes, this scene has a lot to unpack. In terms of *trust* / how well they know each other:

- „He’s just sulking, Cap“: Eddie says about Buck. In my opinion the phrasing combined with how before that they were talking about how Maddie can’t get Buck to leave the house and he won’t answer any of Bobby’s calls implies that either a) Eddie too has tried to contact Buck with no success or b) is actually in contact with Buck, has talked to him and has concluded based on what he saw that Buck is sulking - and yes, I am leaning toward b).

- “Maybe you’ll learn something.“: Which brings me to the fact that it’s Eddie who makes the  plan to get Buck out of his funk and prove to him that he still has stuff to live for, despite how dismissive he had been about Buck’s feelings before, calling it sulking and saying Buck should just brush it off. Because Eddie has Buck’s back despite it all and is there for him and trusts him.

- „He’s hanging out with his Buck today“: In terms of actual Trust there is the fact that Buck is very much depressed in this episode - and what does Eddie do? Puts his son in his care, you know, the most important person in Eddie’s life, convinced that Buck will be able to take care of him despite how low and bad he is feeling about himself. One) because it has been the case for Eddie probably. Two) because this is who Buck is as a person even while depressed and Eddie trusts that. And three) because even before the Tsunami Eddie was very sure about how much Buck loved Chris.

- „Honestly I don’t know how to help him.“: This also parallels Maddie with Eddie in an interesting way because Maddie spends the whole episode worried about Buck and thinking he cannot take care of himself, while Eddie trusts in Buck to not only take care of himself but also his son. Which yeah, interesting.

3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“

- The episode sort of proves that while the others may have known what Eddie was gonna do, Operation „Buck up Buck“ was his plan because he is the one who has Buck’s back. (Considering for example Maddie doesn’t know about it as she thinks Buck is home and had Chim been involved he would have told her beforehand meaning this was Eddie’s plan and he executed it and then told the others about it while at work.)

- Also in terms of literal Trust: LA is hit by a Tsunami and Eddie doesn’t worry about his son once because Buck said they are going to the movies next and also because Eddie trusts Buck to protect Chris like he would.

3.03 „‚Do it for the trauma!‘ - Buck-edition“

Once again a subtext-mill but there is some textual evidence as well:

- “How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?“: At the VA hospital Buck calls Eddie his best friend when he talks to Maddie which I always found weird in this context? Because it should always be hard to tell another person about how you got their child killed (which is not my opinion but the way Buck sees it here, okay?), yet the writers choose to put in a reference to how much Eddie means to Buck.

- Which connects to another subtext and text thing which is the voiceover which has Buck say the lines: „To be seen. To be found. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?“ after talking to Eddie, which no longer just implies this is about Eddie but actually straight up says it - and it connects to the sub-topic of how well they know each other, cause Buck says in this episode: Eddie is my best friend and he sees me for who I really am. Which, yeah, is stuff one usually finds in connection to a love interest. (Will talk about it more with Subtext though)

- Also before that the voiceover has Buck say „Sometimes being lost is not knowing how to get from where we are to where we wanna be, where we need to be.“ right as Eddie knocks on the door, which basically states that Eddie and Chris might be where Buck wants to be but also how Eddie apparently knows how to get Buck there. Because he knows him so well. (He literally calls Eddie his life raft in the voiceover!)

- „Buck, there is nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you”: Now the Trust theme in regards to the loft scene is interesting in how it compares Buck to two people in Eddie’s eyes / life: Shannon and himself. Shannon, as I already said, we have with 2.07 and 2.10, both of which talked about how she left Chris (and Eddie) and how Eddie no longer trusts her because of this and refuses to let her back into Chris’s life. Which is different to how he always lets Buck back into Chris’s life, even after the lawsuit with virtually no hesitation once they made up as far as we can see. Meaning he trusts Buck more than he trusts Shannon. Who is, you know, his wife?

As for Eddie himself, I’m gonna flashforward a bit to 3.08 and the conversation between Eddie and Bobby. Because in 3.03 Eddie talks about messing up with Chris, yet how he never stops trying and how he knows Buck is the same way - which is interesting considering 3.08 has Eddie basically say that he has not forgiven himself for all those mistakes. Yet he forgives Buck both for the Tsunami and abandoning them during the lawsuit.

And now I wanna say something very controversial and hurtful but also connected to how I read Buddie and Trust which is that in my opinion? Eddie includes himself here. Eddie tells Buck here he trusts him more or at the very least just as much as he trusts himself with his son. Which is pretty big, considering he barely trusted his wife, the mother of said son, who he has known for at the very least about 11 years during Season 2? Someone he himself said he loves? Someone he at one point planned his future with? (Meaning he most definitely plans his future with Buck in it now…)

3.04 „discount!Buck in the house“

- Two things are in this episode, both of which are very much not about Trust in the literal sense but how much time Buddie spends together outside of work:

“Can’t fight city hall.“ Eddie being the only one on board with the fire drill Buck’s leading because he is a boy scout who follows all the rules but also because Buck probably talked to him about his job as fire marshal beforehand and so Eddie knows how important what is happening here is to Buck.

„You don’t know math.“: now, you can think this is another dig at Buck’s intelligence but you also have to acknowledge that at one point Eddie might have either heard someone reference Buck’s math knowledge in front of Eddie or Eddie has seen Buck try doing math and has remembered that well enough to immediately be able to pull out that dig. (Which brings us to a parallel I will talk about later!)

- “Uh, who - who’s that?“: I also firmly believe that Buck would have not been as willing to go along with the lawsuit, despite Bobby’s betrayal, had Eddie not immediately rushed off toward Lena at the firehouse, making Buck think Eddie (his partner) has replaced him. Does no longer need him to have his back.

3.05: „What if we fight like a married couple in a grocery store downtown LA, bro?“

Ah, yes, that episode! Filled with Buddie signs!

- “And if Cap says he’s not ready, he’s not ready.“: What I find interesting in terms of Buddie and Trust is the fact that Eddie apparently trusts Bobby’s judgement more than he trusts Buck’s. Which I find OOC. Or not because Eddie is a soldier and Eddie grew up fairly authoritarian it seems his first instinct will be to follow the chain of command / do as the person in charge tells him to.

- Now everything else that happens after including and specifically the street fighting storyline? That was a direct result of the lawsuit and the deposition in which Buck betrayed Eddie’s trust by revealing the info about Shannon. Which Buck is aware of because up until this point we see him still looking up, yet after this he drops his eyes and doesn’t really look at anyone again during the deposition.

- “And I’m not allowed to talk to Buck.“: Yet. YET despite this massive betrayal in Eddie’s eyes what stops him from calling Buck later is the fact that he wasn’t allowed to do so! Nothing else. Also the phrasing is very interesting as it gives us three entities Eddie considered to call: his abuela, Buck and the 118, meaning Hen, Chim and Bobby - the people he will call his family about 6 episodes later - are an uniformed mass but Buck is his own person - because up to this point Buck always had Eddie’s back. And we all know he still would have had! (Sidenote: this line is what made me an actual shipper and why ya’ll can read posts like this, so maybe say thank you to Lyndsey Beaulieu? Or fuck you, depending on your opinion of me ;P)

- „And now I can’t even talk to you.“: This whole scene gives huge character exposition and I’ve talked a shit ton about the fight in the grocery store before as have a lot of other people, but basically what it boils down to is that Eddie is mad at Buck because he revealed things about them to his lawyer but mostly because Eddie thought they had each others back and trusted each other and apparently Buck doesn’t trust and care about him the same way Eddie does for him because he didn’t even consult Eddie about the lawsuit? And Eddie misses Buck a lot. And Chris misses Buck a lot. And Eddie is already mad because Shannon wanted a divorce despite how hard he tried and then she died, meaning she left him again and now Buck left him as well and why is Eddie never enough for anyone?

And of course, as always, Eddie is mad at himself the most because he wasn’t enough for Shannon and he wasn’t enough for Buck and he’s probably not enough for Chris who is struggling so much and Eddie just feels angry and lost all the time!

I think this is the moment Buck finally understands how much he means to Eddie truly. How Eddie meant every word in 3.03. How for once someone actually trusted him, depended on him - and he let them down. Which was never his intention because Buck never understood that he could (which is not the topic of this post though).

- “Why can’t you see my side of things?“: On Buck’s side, while he isn’t nearly as mad as Eddie, he does raise the question of why Eddie didn’t have his back - which is a very fair question but Eddie is still too mad at Buck here to hear it.

- What is also very interesting about this scene is that no one, not even Bobby who was actually sued by Buck, is as mad at him as Eddie is and no one dares steps between them. Probably because everyone recognises they are closest with each other, so the conversation hits a bit different and also is about a lot more than the „stupid lawsuit“. Yeah.

(Real talk I have been very mad at friends before and I am known to make scenes but damn, this scene does not read platonic at all, it reads ‘married couple fights in grocery store in LA - what happens next will surprise you. News at 11.’)

- In other news, Eddie didn’t come to the rage room in the end and Buck was very very sad about it.

3.06: „*cries about the framing*“

(Sidenote: I feel Eddie so much in this episode, I too would be too embarrassed to talk to Buck had I just screamed at him in a grocery store in full view of all our coworkers. I too would avoid everyone like the plague and maybe join a fight club just so I would not have to deal with those feelings. I get it, my dude!)

- “Whew, dude, are you okay?“: We’ll talk about it with 3.08 as well, but it is very significant and pointed that Buck immediately knows something is wrong with Eddie when no one else at the station had seemed to be aware of that.

- “I don’t know what you want from me, Buck“: The apology scene is very subtext heavy but what it comes down to in the whole having each other’s back / knowing each other well / Trust - column is the fact that after being mad and avoiding him all day Eddie still sticks around and more importantly actually listens to Buck - which, as shitty as that sounds, but considering how he acted before if Eddie hadn’t wanted to still be Buck's friend he could have said something shitty and left or stayed and not actually listened to what Buck had to say - but he didn’t because as hurt as Eddie had been by Buck’s betrayal he still trust him and he wants to understand, which I do think sets Eddie apart from everyone else because Hen and Chim forgive Buck but they don’t ever try to figure out where he is coming from while Bobby is … being Bobby about all of. Eddie meanwhile, who has the most or maybe the only right to actually be mad about the lawsuit, still trusts Buck enough to know that he had his reasons and actually takes the time to listen to them. Even if he is being sassy.

- And on Buck’s side we do have his need to reconnect with Eddie the whole episode and we have him notice stuff about Eddie no one else did and we also have the really beautiful and mature line of Buck saying: „I just want you to talk to me. Even if it’s just to say you’re still mad.“ Which I love very much and tells us a lot about Buck and communication, because Buck values openness so much.

- “And I just wanted to…“ - „Punch someone?“: Also while it was important for Buck to explain himself to someone - it was especially important for him to explain himself to Eddie, both because he considers Eddie his best friend and also because the grocery store scene showed him how much he means to Eddie which probably floored Buck because as we learned before and also after: Buck is not used to people needing him as much as he needs them.

3.08: „XOXO gossip (fire)fighters“

- “Whoo. Nice truck.“: One thing about 911 is that it’s a very plot and action driven show, meaning sometimes it will lack the time to actually show us certain things, especially when it comes to relationships, so it relies a lot on telling us things about characters and their relationships and as these scenes here show us they do a good job at it. Buddie talking about Eddie buying a new truck is very casual and banter-y / flirty (this is a Buddie post so I call it like I see it) and light and shows us: hey, they are friends again and close again and they know each other very well - while also showing us: Eddie still keeps stuff from Buck but Buck knows something is off.

- “Eddie too.“: Which brings me to my next point and the thing I love most about this episode aside from Heidi which is Buck running around and going: ‚something is wrong with Eddie‘ while everyone else is like: ‚Eddie? Are you sure? I haven’t noticed anything‘

Which leaves two ways to read this:

Eddie and the rest of the 118 aren’t as close as it seems and they do not care about Eddie that much - which considering all the deep talk between Eddie and Chimney in 3b especially and the fact that he calls them his family would be fucked up and also doesn’t seem like the vibe they are going for OR

BUDDIE! I mean, look at what has been going on with the street fighting storyline, essentially the writers went: okay, so Eddie can't talk to Buck so he goes completely off the rails but no one will know because Eddie hides it so well - EXCEPT Buck will realise sth is wrong the second he looks at Eddie and once the lawsuit is done he will spend two episodes running after Eddie and trying to figure out what is going on

3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

- “He’s kind of obsessed with natural disasters.“: Honest question: Is Buck really obsessed with natural disasters or does Eddie have earthquake related trauma and Buck has been googling stuff and telling him facts to calm Eddie down every time the earth vibrates a little because a train or something passes them by?

In any case it’s a very cute scene with Eddie once more revealing how well he knows Buck and the writers confirming to us that yes, these boys spent a lot of time with each other and talking to each other - without needing to show the scenes

- “I could still take you“: AFTER ALL they needed the runtime to do this other little scene this fandom has not talked about at all ever mainly because it is so very straight basically people stopped shipping after.

I’m just kidding, obviously the whole scene was very queer both in subtext but especially in text, I mean, what even was that line about still taking him, Buck? There is a child not even 15 feet away, where is your sense for decency and decorum? DO YOU WANT TO TRAUMATISE HIM EVEN MORE???

A few notes on this scene:

- It’s been pointed out to me that Maddie complains about how everything around there gets shared with the 118 and how Buck … turns around and shares everything about his sister with Eddie, which I love because it seems so normal and comfortable between them like they do that all the time, which is way cute and domestic!

Added to that considering the conversation Eddie had the week before with Bobby about Shannon and the throwaway reference about thinking his marriage having been complicated, I wonder: Did Eddie talk to everyone about the street fighting and Shannon after his talk with Bobby in 3.08? Did he just talk to Buck about it? Did Buck know about Shannon wanting a divorce all along? (Yeah, you know were I am leaning, right?)

- “Especially if you aren’t around to see that they need saving“: As for the apology in and off itself, I’m not gonna talk about the character implications again cause been there done that, send an ask if you wanna know more, but what it comes down to is: Buck acknowledging that he should have been there for Eddie and he didn’t consider the Eddie of it all when he sued Bobby, which is interesting because OFFICIALLY Eddie really is just his best friend and coworker at this point so did he really have to consider his feelings all that much?

Also Buck is saying - and Eddie is not contradicting this - that Eddie street fighting would not have happened if Buck had been around, which, to quote a good friend of mine: Uff!

I think we can admit that while Eddie was mad at Buck, his anger was not primarily about Buck but it was amplified by Buck abandoning him. We can admit that Buck was what ultimately caused Eddie to lose his control and considering everything that Eddie went through in the past year with Shannon and considering everything Buck went through in the past two years: this is as close to unconditional love as these two can manage at the time and that is very beautiful and does support Buddie 100%. They are each other’s anchor and person the one they turn to in a crisis.

Or well, Buck is for Eddie. Buck does have more people like that in his life with his sister there and I do think before the lawsuit he wasn’t fully aware that he could depend on Eddie so fully because Buck always doubts how committed other people are to him because abandonment issues.

3.11: „Bist du single? Nein, eher Album!“

- „This is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest.“: Incredibly strong indicator / implications toward how much time these two boys spent with each other, considering how comfortable both of them are in each other’s space (and I don’t mean physical but material space). Eddie has a key to Buck’s apartment and just let’s himself in willy-nilly, while Buck is around in Eddie’s place often enough to not think of himself as a guest there. (And while that might be normal best friend behaviour to some of us, Maddie’s words imply that it is not for her / the Buckleys.)

3.14: „Frank says ‚Thank you, this paid for my new house!‘“ / 3.15: „MY therapist also says ‚Thank you!‘“

I’m gonna group these two together, since 3.14 in itself doesn’t have any relevance considering Eddie isn’t even in the episode but it does become relevant in regards to 3.15!

- Basically what it all comes down to is the contrast between Buck’s reaction to Maddie being in danger and his reaction to Eddie nearly dying!

Now I already said while talking about 2.14 part of it was that Buck was aware he was in no position to help Maddie and might actually make stuff worse if he intervenes while with Eddie he was HIS ACTUAL LIFELINE! He was actually responsible for getting Eddie out of the well and home to his family. BUT (!) it’s still very pointed, especially remembering they apparently changed the order of episodes around? Meaning we are really hit with the contrast and we have to consider the implications of it all!

- Also just Buck’s reaction in general, even with Chimney and Maddie in Season 2 he wasn’t this frantic, he wasn’t freaking out like that! This really seems like all those scene’s shows like that usually do to confirm one person is in love with the other by having them completely loose it at the prospect of the other dying.

And damn, does 911 delivers here, not just with Buck literally trying to dig down to Eddie with his bare hands but also with his conviction for the rest of the episode before going sort of catatonic near the end. Basically Buck was going through the 5 stages of grief over Eddie during the course of this episode and we just? Let him?

- Of course we should mention Buck has Eddie’s back always, so he doesn’t give up on him and doesn’t entertain the notion of Eddie possibly being dead for even a microsecond because this is Eddie and Buck needs him!

- And to add to the list of heartbreaking lines we have Hen saying: „Why? So we have two cut lines?“ because yes, Buck would choose to stay down there rather than let himself be saved if Eddie was already dead - and if Eddie wasn’t he would force Eddie to trade lines with him so Buck could be the one to die because Buck thinks Eddie’s life is more valuable than his and also he is a selfless idiot who loves Eddie more than himself - which frankly is a mutual thing if we look at 3.03

Option #3 btw would be that Hen knows Eddie has a legitimate reason to cut his line and he would explain that to Buck and - considering who they are - Buck would immediately agree and cut his line as well.

Anyways, no matter which option the writers were thinking off this line is heartbreaking and the implication interesting!

To sum it all up, the episode basically said: Buck would die for Eddie and he loves him more than anything else

- The Eddie implications of this episode are mostly Subtext, so we’ll get to them later in case you thought I forgot!

3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“

Tbh I do not think that this episode was really about how no person can be happy / live without regrets / not be lonely unless they are in a relationship with someone or they would not have put that much focus on the relationship between Maddie and Buck and the fact that his abandonment issues stem from her leaving.

- “He’s not gonna do it alone“: As for Buddie, the episode goes back to them being partners and in sync with the roof thing and yay, it has a different ending then the reversed situation the episode before but also it features a metaphor we will talk about later

- “Hey, you’re more than welcome to come and celebrate with a bunch of 9 year olds.“: Just like we will talk later about Eddie inviting Buck to the sleepover! Because while I don’t think the invite was all that serious and I don’t think even considering everyone else, Buck would have taken him up on it because celebrating with a bunch of 9 year olds around isn’t what Buck had in mind, it’s very interesting that the first person taken out of the equation is the guy Buck is closest to and probably spends the most time with.

- And now let’s talk about the playing pool scene because it once again shows that 1) Buck and Eddie are very alike, 2) they know each other very well and 3) they care about each other the most!

Because for 1) I do wanna point everyone to the fact that Eddie doesn’t have anyone outside his family and the 911 either or they would have mentioned him staying in contact with his army buddies or something.

2) Eddie is the only one who actually listens to what Buck says and gets what Buck is really asking, while Bobby, Hen and Chim are all too focused on their own experiences to get that the reason Buck tries so hard to help Red is because he thinks he is Red (I mean they do get it, but they don’t really realise how serious this is for Buck - yet)

3) There is also a lot of focus on Eddie in this scene which we will talk about later as well but it picks up the whole ambiguous „us“ from the grocery store which technically refers to the whole firefam but the way it’s said still implies that it is about the two of them especially.

To anticipate a bit: every time the word „Us“ is used in this scene Buddie only looks at each other. When Buck says „I mean that would never happen … to us.“ he looks at everyone else but turns to look at Eddie as he very pointedly says „to us“ and keeps his focus there for a moment. Eddie meanwhile technically turns to the pool table while he says the word „us“ but he only focuses on Buck before this and doesn’t look at anyone else because to him: Buck is the important aspect here. And no one else!

Not to mention the intense look Buck gives Eddie (and only Eddie) when he says „Better not.“. Like damn, in 3 Seasons Buck has never sounded this threatening before!

Basically the way this scene is acted combined with the words that were written it sort of reads like them going: We’re all family here but you and me will most definitely never leave each other!

I mean there is a reason why Buddie used the ambiguous „us“ while everyone else talked about the firefam being friends or being family.

(And yes, that might be a bit of a reach but this is a Buddie guide after all, so we are going with the buddie-est interpretation!)

3.17: „‚Don’t say her name‘-challenge“

- “Uh no, someone else.“: More of a subtext scene but it does seem pointed that Buck refuses to admit that he was thinking about Abby here, considering Bobby most definitely knew that Buck was talking about Abby because he was there for the hot-air balloon date, so even if he did not remember right away he knew the second Buck said he didn’t know from Maddie and since Hen and Chimney weren’t there in the truck (and also, they probably would have known who Buck was talking about as well) the only one Buck was hiding from was Eddie.

Which makes sense, even if you only look at them as best friends, because Eddie only saw the aftermath and what we canonically know that he heard about Abby were things like Buck’s speech in 2.08, so … even as just Buck’s friend he must really dislike her

(Also there is that whole parallel one can draw between Abby and Shannon which I talked about here)

- „Buck invites Eddie“: So I’ve been going back and forth on what to write here for a few hours now and what it comes down to is this: despite being 6500 words deep into a meta on Buddie and knowing full well the writers so far have no intention of actively doing Buddie, I would not accuse 911 of queerbaiting. HOWEVER, if the show ends and Buddie doesn’t happen I will consider this scene queerbaiting because there would have been ways to write this that did not leave the implications it did because the way it has been written the text is:

„If I bring my romantic life-partner to dinner with my best friend he will bring his romantic life-partner who will invite her brother who will invite his best friend and then we have to invite this other couple we are all close with.“ and well, one of them is not like the others, right?

(Well, technically two but Maddie and Buck are most definitely siblings despite that scene in 2.01)

Because essentially what that scene did here was say: If I bring my wife the evening turns into this couples night with all our friends - except Buck and Eddie aren’t a couple.

And sure, just like all great queerbaits there is a reasonable explanation as well as a completely platonic way to read this because of course Buck would not wanna be all alone with two couple so he would bring his best friend and the we’d have to invite the other couple we know as well so they don’t feel left out.

EXCEPT - and this is why it feel pointed and queerbait-ey: We have already seen the 118 hang out without Athena and Bobby at Chimney’s birthday and it was never mentioned to us whether they were invited and didn’t come - or Chimney didn’t invite them. Both explanations sort of make Hen’s point moot because it does proof that they can hang out without their boss slash friend and his wife slash her best friend without it being a big deal meaning especially if this was a make-up dinner for Chimney’s birthday they wouldn’t have needed to be there.

There is also the fact that supposably Alfred is still in town? You know, Chimney’s brother? So if they wanted to avoid the Buddie implication they could have also thrown in how Chim might bring his brother like:

„I invite you, so he invites Maddie, Maddie invites Buck, Buck invites Eddie, Chim might invite Alfred,  and now we gotta invite Athena and Bobby“ - see how that has a completely different feel? Now there are three single guys and two of which are siblings of someone else in the group while the third is friends with the rest of the group, making this sound less like couples night out and more like a group of friends hanging out.

But they didn’t do it like that so now it feels like they are pointedly equating Buddie with the canon couples of the show which is quite queerbait-ey.

3.18: „TrainCRASH? More like train WRECK? *cries*“

Okay, so this episode is a little hard to do because there is so much going on and a lot of it is very hard to categorise! As for the topic of Trust and having each other’s back:

- I do think that a lot of Eddie here come down to having Buck’s back - even when Buck might not think that’s what Eddie’s doing like in the train car, but he probably realised later which is why we see Buck talk about it with Bobby but not with Eddie because they are at this point where you no longer need to have clarifying talks (about stuff like that, once romantic!Buddie hits they’ll have to do all the talking).

And that’s basically it when it comes to Trust because most of what is happening in the episode when it comes to Buddie is Subtext!

Coparenting

I think this theme needs less of an explanation - though I do wanna point out that while I think Buck has fatherly feelings for Chris and Chris loves Buck a lot, Buck is not actually his parent / father. He is slowly getting there and if or when Buddie happens he might become Chris’s other parent but right now he is not. So this theme is about Buck being a honorary member of the Diaz family in general and Eddie’s treatment of him most of all.

Because the way I see Eddie him dating anyone would always be tied to his son. Eddie has been shown to be someone who would do anything for family and his son in particular, so the fact that Buck is tied into this family is important. It also shows how much they are already a family without actually dating and proofs they spent more time with each other than we see and more than with anyone else.

I should also say that there is a very heavy overlap between this and the category of Subtext so some things will be repeated but all of them deserve to be repeated so there is that.

2.02 / 2.03: „Why Edmundo Diaz hates earthquakes part 1 and part 2 (of 2)“

- Like I already said when I discussed Trust Buck is the only one asking who Eddie is trying to reach, he is the only one trying to reassure Eddie and he does so even though Eddie is being sarcastic and pretending he doesn’t need to be comforted - also a staple in their relationship

And I think this is also were their dynamic of Buck being Eddie’s go to person when it came to Chris came from. Buck told Eddie he liked kids and then he proceeded to actually show Eddie he means it and he cares and considering Eddie says the mother isn’t in the picture and Chris has no one else (which as we learn throughout the show is not 100% true because technically Eddie's parents are there, even if they have no idea how to properly raise Chris, but in LA Eddie doesn’t really have anyone (yet) he feels comfortable burdening with his fears about Chris), so that must mean one hell of a lot.

- “Hey. Service.“: There is also the moment at the end of 2.03 when Buck immediately tells Eddie: hey, service is back! and then he drives Eddie to pick up Chris which is a scene that has so much subtext so we’ll talk about it later! It does however give us our first‚ Diazs plus Buck‘-family moment because while we see everyone reuniting with their loved ones, we see Buck with Eddie and Chris and yeah.

2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“

- One of my favourite things about Buddie is how they manage to be exactly what the other person needs - or in case of this episode figure out exactly what the other person needs and giving it to them. It’s happening here and again in 3.01 and 3.03 and some other smaller moments as well (see 2.01 honestly).

It’s also interesting that Buck is the one to drive Eddie again because we saw he has a car! So why is that? Maybe because he knows the way better?

As for the coparenting happening here, aside from Buck introducing Eddie to Carla because he knows she is what Eddie needs, we also have Buck clearing Chris coming to the station with Bobby which is something Eddie apparently hadn’t considered but Buck had and instead of telling Eddie he needs to do that - he does it for him! Because that’s who Buck is but also because Buck realised in this episode how much Eddie really needs someone to have his back and just do stuff for him.

2.07: „*Tommy Wiseau voice* Hi Shannon“

- And in terms of having each other’s back this episode really shows the significance of this phrase with Shannon pointing out, like I said before, that from her point of view Eddie didn’t have her back. She needed him to be her husband and her coparent and he wasn’t.

Now we can argue whether that is true or not but it’s still an important parallel and puts Eddie turning toward Buck for advice into a new light.

Because as Shannon points out Eddie was never good at letting other people make decisions for him or with him before yet we continuously see him turning toward Buck for exactly that: sharing the load with him. And to put that even more into perspective: Buck is the youngest from their friend group, he is the one considered immature and he is the one without kids or younger siblings, yet he is the one Eddie choose for helping.

2.10: „It’s all about ‚figured it was none of my business‘“

- The interesting thing here is that Buck as Eddie’s friend really doesn’t have any right to know about what was happening between Shannon and Eddie if Eddie didn’t want him to, but Buck as Eddie’s family does (a little).

But either way this episode gives us another instance of Eddie confiding in Buck about his family problems - problems he again is the one most inexperienced with. In other words Eddie talking to Buck about it was really about Eddie wanting Buck’s opinion specifically.

There is also the fact that Buck came to see Santa with Eddie in the first place which is most definitely a family affair as far as I know US customs? (We don’t do this in Germany / Bavaria, okay? We have the Child of Christ and around the 6th we gather in the town square and shoot at it.)

It’s even brought up in text with the Elf telling Buck they make a beautiful family - and Buck not disagreeing because honestly it’s just easier and he probably knows how they looked. But yeah. That!

- Also not to repeat myself but the topic of trust is important here! Eddie not trusting Shannon in 2.07 / 2.10 with Chris vs. trusting Buck in 3.03 / 3.09 / 3.10 is important!

Yes, sure Shannon is his actual mother so Chris has stronger feelings for her and the potential to get hurt is way bigger. Yes, Buck was only gone from their life for a few weeks while Shannon was gone for about 2 years. Yes, Buck apologised twice while Shannon just played the victim card tbh (even though she did have a point with some of the stuff she said). But still:

Eddie is very hesitant to let Shannon back into his son’s life (and really his as well) while he does have no such qualms about Buck once Buck apologises to him in 3.06. In fact their relationship returns to normal with Eddie asking Buck for help with Chris numerous times while say 2.15 makes it clear Eddie still keeps Shannon at arms’ length and out of a lot of aspects of raising Chris.

Of course, giving advice to Eddie is not the same level of involved as actually parenting the child and part of it is probably growth on Eddie’s side when it comes to Season 3 but right here: it’s a stark contrast and it deserves a mention!

2.17: „*fridges female character for man pain* Haha, we’re so random!“

- „Ice cream? Oh, I do not envy you putting him to sleep tonight!“: There is the scene here where Eddie facetimes with Shannon and she is out and about with Chris and Abuela and they are getting ice cream and Eddie is all like: damn you’ll regret that later - which is the same thing he says about Buck in 3.02

3.01: „How you know he no sleep naked?“

- Buck gets a card from Chris which is a child thing to do but also should be mentioned because Buck does not get a card from Danny or Harry. And considering how much Buck likes children and how good he is with them we do have to mention that we only see Buck interact with Danny once and never with Harry while it’s been implied several times before the tsunami already that Buck does spend a lot of time with Chris. (Of course, in part this is due to how much closer Buck is with Eddie than Hen and especially Athena but still)

After all the season ends with Chris giving a card to his literal father, tying these two scenes together. And pointing out once again how important Buck is for Chris and the Diaz family.

- Also as I mentioned during Trust there is that parallel / contrast between how Maddie and how Eddie see Buck with Maddie sort of treating him like a child who needs to be dealt with while Eddie is basically like: let’s give him something to do so he feels less useless! (Guess who had the right idea! Just guess! And you have one try!)

- „Are we the only one’s without kids?“: There is also the cut from Madney talking about being the only one’s without kids and then remembering Buck to Buck getting woken up by Eddie so he can babysit Chris which I won’t say confirms Buck being a father to Chris but does accentuate everything he does for Chris after and gives the vibe that Buck does indeed have some fatherly feelings for Chris. It does at least place the idea of the Diazs WITH Buck being a family firmly into our heads.

3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“

- „How’s operation Buck up Buck going?“: Buck sending Eddie updates and pictures of Chris and himself hanging out is just really cute

- Also Eddie isn’t worried about his son at all!

- And we do have that tweet from Oliver Stark about jumping into the receding water at the end of 3.02 being basically suicide but Buck still doing it because the director told him, he’d do it for his own kids.

3.03 „Do it for the trauma - Buck-edition“

- I talked about it before with Trust but basically Eddie, who has parents who are still alive and physically able and love his son very much, even if they have different ideas of how to raise his son, and a sister with at least one child not that much older than Chris and a grandma and an aunt and probably some more family in LA AND Carla who he literally pays to take care of his son, literally tells his best friend he is the one he trusts the most with said son. That is fucking meaningful!

3.05: „What if we fight like a married couple in a grocery store downtown LA, bro?“

- „You know how much Chris misses you?“: The fact that Eddie brings Chris up at all and to hurt Buck specifically is - in part about Eddie deflecting from himself but also about Christopher actually missing Buck, which says a lot about the relationship Chris and Buck have and how much time they spent together if that is something Eddie would bring up here.

3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

- „I’d rather be at home with my kid, enjoying the one good thing I got going on.“: Eddie says these words during therapy and where do him and his son spent the following evening or at least an evening that same week? With Buck at his loft. Because even though Buck wasn’t mentioned here as part of the family time Eddie would much rather have, apparently he is part of it.

3.10: „Parenttrapping for Beginners“

- „Well, I thought it would be nice to bring the boys together for a playdate.“ - „All three of `em.“: this speaks for itself, Buck being invited in the first place was … an interesting choice? A dig at Buck’s mental age? Exposition? What exactly, Tim? Like what was the vibe in the writers room here?

- „Hey, Buck? (…) Can I spent Christmas with you?”: The fact that Chris would rather spent Christmas with Buck than with his grandma and the rest of their family is interesting as well and again points toward Buck being an integral part of the Diaz family.

- The way Eddie looks at Buck here and the little head shake implied to me that Buck and Eddie had the same conversation Eddie and Hen have right then already.

3.11: „Bist du single? Nein, eher Album!“

- “Well, that’s what the 118 is. The family we chose.“: Again maybe more subtext than text but when Eddie talks about the 118 being his family the camera pans to *drumroll* Chris, his actual blood family, Albert, Chim’s actual blood family - and Buck, who is basically Chim’s little brother and Eddie’s, well, best friend? Coparent? Partner in work and life? SOULMATE?

Yes, it’s a little subtext, but it’s interesting that this scene shows only one character neither of them are related to and it’s Buck, emphasising once more that these two and especially Eddie (because he’s the one talking here) think of Buck as their family.

3.12: „There’s a horse loose in a hos… school“

- “(…) we should try it together”: Again with the emphatic inclusion of Buck in family scenes! (But this time Carla gets to be there as well - though only to record them?)

This episode introduces Ana Flores as a potential love interest for Eddie and then spends the whole episode contrasting and paralleling her with Buck, as one does …

In this episode as well Eddie gets advice about Chris from several people and it’s interesting that the one person whose advice he follows without disagreeing or trying something else first is once again Buck. 

The episode also maybe implies that Buck was the one to built or buy or find out about the skateboard.

But really what matters here is Eddie reaffirming that there is no one he trusts more with his son (because he refused to take Carla’s advice right away but he did listen and think about what Buck had to say right away - despite his joking) and Buck being included in the family scene.

3.15: „MY therapist also says ‚Thank you!‘“

- „I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family.“: I’m not gonna comment on the lack of Shannon in the montage because I do believe part of it was that they didn’t really have scenes that fit and would have had to film them specifically which would then have to fit into the timeline / storyline before and also mostly it was about Shannon already being dead meaning she is no longer part of the family Eddie can come home to, so it makes a hell of a lot of sense for her not to be included, guys!

That being said I do believe Buck being in it quite a lot means something about how much of a part in Eddie’s family he is! Which is a big part and something I love about them a lot!

- Also Buck was so very happy Chris came to visit and then immediately walked over, which doesn’t really have any relevance except I thought it was cute and this is my guide.

3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“

- Obviously it was meant jokingly, but Eddie would have loved if Buck came and not just because being alone with a bunch of 9 year olds is no one’s idea of a fun evening and Eddie could probably use the help (still hoping Carla was there with him and still surprised Eddie was in such a good mood during the pool scene after), but because he likes to spend time with Buck and he did wanna celebrate with him - but he was also very aware that spending the evening with 9 year olds was not what Buck envisioned so he said it jokingly.

3.18: „Traincrash? More like train WRECK? *cries*“

- “Whoa! Whoa! Two weeks from home? Isn’t Chris kinda young for that?“: I don’t think I need to say more about that scene really, I think everyone who saw it understood that it confirmed the 118 but especially Buck being fairly involved in Christopher’s life and how that confirms: Buck = part of the Diaz family.

- Also all the interactions between Buck and Chris at the party both with and without Eddie around I mean, yeah, again, meaningful!

- In conclusion: Eddie, Chris and Buck are family and dems the facts!

Connection and love life

Now, this is where we are slowly going subtext and also really interpretation heavy!

The title might be a bit missleading but I didn’t really know how else to sum all aspects up. Basically this theme is about their love live but also about the parallels between their storylines - especially when it comes to their love life!

Also this theme isn’t organised by episode but by subtopics because I summed up so many different aspects here.

Parallels in their storylines:

- 3.15 / 3.16 and the rope metaphor as a metaphor for their dating life:

Technically the rope is a metaphor for their lives and them letting go of things in general but especially about their dating life because for Eddie in my opinion this is when he really fully comes to terms with Shannon’s death while Buck finally admits to his abandonment issues, in part caused by Abby leaving.

(Side note: the fact that Eddie choose to cut his line just like he choose to actually do therapy to deal with his issues for Christopher’s sake while Buck’s burns away and he is literally forced to deal with his issues through being confronted with Red and running into Abby at the train crash is … something.)

Their dating life is being paralleled:

This really isn’t technically something that explains why you should ship them but I do think it’s interesting that from the get go their love lives have been happening in parallels / contrasts to each other? As if they were connected? Magnets?

So yeah, that and also it goes like this:

- 2.01: Eddie references Buck being single

- 2.02 / 2.03: Eddie first mentions Shannon but indicates a break-up / Buck meets Ali and seems to bond with her

- 2.04: both refuse to hook up with any of the girls at the bar and don’t want to date because they consider themselves taken (I know Eddie says it’s about Chris but Buck called bullshit here and text told us to trust Buck on what he says about Eddie)

- 2.06: Buck flirts with Taylor and Eddie acts a bit jealous

- 2.07: While Buck finally comes to term with his break up with Abby in her absence, Shannon returns and we learn that Eddie has sort of been holding out hope so far (they kiss in the end) (Also Eddie and Shannon and Buck and Taylor both happen in parking lots which probably only means they ran out of location money but still!)

- 2.08: Buck hooks up with Taylor, then meets with Ali and begins dating her

- 2.10: it’s revealed that Eddie has been sleeping with Shannon and Buck is miffed

- 2.11 - 2.16: we get a few mentions of Ali and some scenes between Eddie and Shannon reminding us both these relationships are happening and they are growing closer

- 2.17: Shannon thinks she is pregnant, Eddie wonders about their relationship, Shannon wants a divorce but dies before they can go through with it

- 2.18: Buck gets a new apartment because of Ali, their relationship seems ready to become more serious, then Buck gets hurt and Ali is traumatised by this and tells Buck she needs to rethink the relationship

- 3.01: it is revealed that Ali and Buck broke up

- 3a: both of them work through the trauma of the past few months, no references to either of them dating are made, romantic and / or domestic scenes happen between them instead, the ambiguous „us“ happens

- 3.11: they are asked about their relationship-status to remind us about them being single (AND THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER? Wow.)

- 3.12: It’s pointed out again that Buck is single but he says he prefers it that way while Eddie meets Ana and shows some interest in her, then during a call Buck indicates that he might not be as happy being single as he told Madney and Josh while also seeming a bit happy Eddie won’t be dating Ana (probably)

- 3.15: Eddie finally fully comes to terms with his past, including his relationship with Shannon and her dying

- 3.16: Buck reveals he might still be hung up on what happened with Abby and he realises he needs to move on, the ambiguous „Us“ is brought back

- 3.18: Buck runs into Abby and actually moves on

- Side note: considering 2.08 and 2.10 and 3.09 and some remarks made throughout the show, Buck and Eddie are somewhat aware of the relationship struggles the other had which isn’t really relevant but also sort of is

Parallels with canon couples

This is TV and TV and especially shipping lives through tropes and parallels inside the story to subtext tell you something you need to know without actually having to say the words, but just to plant the idea in the viewers head.

For example, and please I am just spitballing here, you are writing a show about Lifeguards. And there are these two characters who are named … Paddie and Tucker. They have amazing chemistry and they are best friends and love each other a lot. Now, you, as the showrunner, are considering making them a romantic item but you need to do it slow cause while you do have queer characters and a queer following this show is fairly mainstream and also the characters have presented as straight in text so far. So you need to do crumbs, right?

Okay, so how do you best do that? Well, Tucker is known as this really caring guy and very open with his feelings and he freaks out when someone he loves is in danger - so you put Paddie in danger, right? Proofs he loves him, right?

But then you want it to have some deeper queer implications, right, in case you do decide on making them romantic? So how do you best do that? Well, lucky for you, Tucker has a sister. And you were planning on putting her in danger as well this season anyways, so you just have Tucker react a bit more subdued here, right?

But then you really want it to hit people, like you need people who are more casual and mainstream and might not have noticed the romantic undertones Tuddie has had to notice that, right? So you put these two episodes back to back.

Except „Paddie Begins“ is set to air first and well, Tucker IS known to lose his shit about people he cares about being in danger, so they might not actually notice anything more. Or they will just consider Tucker not reacting as hard about his sister, Sadie, being in danger bad writing. And you can’t have that!

So how do you fix that? Well, you just change the episode order! Now the episode with Sadie in danger airs first and people will spent a week complaining about how out of character Tucker was and it will be still on their minds when „Paddie Begins“ happens and Tucker goes feral and it will hit EVERYONE! Like damn, apparently Tucker cares more about Paddie than Sadie? Why? What makes Paddie so much more important?

Anyways, this is how you test out an idea in TV and why tropes and parallels are important…

Moving on:

- 2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“: Now I have already written a bit about Buck’s reaction to Eddie potentially dying to safe the kid and while it is fairly tame for Buck it’s still something you usually see a guy do for a love interest (Any of ya’ll watch „Chicago Fire“? Because I watched like the first two Seasons and the main „Will they / won’t they“ - couple had a scene like that about once every three episodes. Cause it’s a trope!)

- 3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“: This is a teeny tiny bit of a stretch and there wasn’t even any nice cuts to anyone in the firefam to indicate they were referenced (which I found odd, considering this would have also fit for Bobby) but the guy who got impaled with his son in law said: „She‘s the love of my life but he‘s her‘s.“ which considering this episode has Buck doing everything to protect Christopher means a lot and I think about it once a day, okay?

- 3.14 vs 3.15 vs. 3.16 vs. 3.17 vs. 3.18 - Losing the love of your life and how to deal with that:

This may be the biggest parallel of all, and maybe I could have included 2.14 as well but I didn’t because it’s a whole season removed. It also seems meaningful that this episodes happen one after the other, making us naturally compare the scenes and see / look for patterns.

But to explain real quick:

In 3.14 Maddie is in danger and Chimney, who is her boyfriend and told her he loves her just one episode earlier, freaks out completely

In 3.15 Eddie might die / is considered dead by several of his friends already and Buck utterly looses it! We are talking frantic screaming and trying to dig Eddie out by hand and running around trying to figure out ways to save Eddie only to turn full on catatonic when none of that works. I mean, his mood turns faster than mine when I am hangry while on my period and that is saying sth!

3.16 could be considered a bit of a stretch but we do see Red lash out a lot when he realises that Cindy, the woman he considered the love of his life and someone he pined after for quite a while doesn’t exist like that anymore.

In 3.17 Athena is put in great danger and Bobby is forced / able to listen to it and while I am not sure if the blank look on Bobby’s face is bad acting, a deliberate but accidental acting choice OR done consciously in a way that mirrors Oliver’s acting in 3.15 - it’s there and it’s a parallel and we can watch it and compare it and see it.

To bring this whole thing home for us they contracted another outside player in the form of Connie Britton playing Buck’s ex-girlfriend Abby, who similarly to Red and Buck, turns frantic upon possibly loosing her fiancé and starts panic and lash out a little, which is fair and also part of a motherforking pattern, ya’ll!

- Another fairly obvious parallel between 3.14 and 3.15 is Buck telling Sue - as the watch Maddie and Chimney hug - that Maddie already has everything she needs when Sue asks him why he didn’t immediately rush toward his sister. Which can be compared to 3.15 were he does immediately rush to Eddie’s side and support and hug him!

-  I’ve already written about 700 words on 3.17 and the line „Buck invites Eddie“ so I’ll just point you back toward that part of the guide where I pointed out that Buddie was actively compared to the three main canon pairings here. Which is a lot and also could have been avoided and probably queerbaiting.

- Again, teeny tiny bit of a stretch maybe but like, we’re here to talk about anything in canon pointing toward Buddie and also this is my guide and I do what I want but in 3.18 we learn that Abby is now engaged to a single father and considering she was only gone for about two years (Season 2 takes place over the course of one year and in 3.13 we learn that Madney has been dating for just under 11 months so unless there was a time jump somewhere in the last 5 episodes we weren’t really told about, we clock in at about 2 years and maybe one or two months, tops, at the end of Season 3), they have been together for less than that time, even if we think Abby already knew him when she was still dating Buck. Which timeline wise puts them meeting maybe around the time Buck met Eddie, maybe a bit after, meaning Abby met and began dating and fell in love with and decided to marry a single father in the same timespan Buddie did … whatever it is they are doing! Which is meaningful because for the viewing of the Abby/Buck relationship which I am glad more and more people are realising was very unbalanced and provides an interesting parallel to Buddie because this means Abby and Buck met and developed feelings for a single father around the same time. Idk, I understand that the whole father thing was to make Buck care even more but damn, it’s a parallel so I mention it!

- Michael and Doctor Hale vs Eddie and Ana (3.17/3.18 vs. 3.12ff.)

Now, of course we need to realise that Eddie and Michael are fairly different characters and Michael has way less relationship related baggage than Eddie has which is why he goes after what he wants way faster (also, carpe diem, he just found out he won’t die). Also of course, there is no moral component to address in Michael dating some doctor vs. Eddie dating his son’s teacher, but still:

Michael and Dr. Hale had one scene together and it wasn’t even overly flirty and yet, we knew where it was heading, we felt the chemistry and everyone ended the episode saying: I ship it, more of that - which they did give us, just one episode later. They had some awkward moments, yet the show never left a single doubt in your mind where this is heading.

Now look at Eddie and Ana:

First of all we learned more about Doctor Hale in the two short scenes than we did about Ana in four scenes. That seems deliberate.

Second, while we do realise Eddie thinks Ana is attractive from the get go she repeatedly shuts him down by pointedly saying „Mr. Diaz“.

Third, every scene between Michael and Doctor Hale was romantically coded and we know where this was heading while aside from the initial scene between Ana and Eddie and maybe the second scene there were no hints of romance between the two. In fact in 3.15, an episode that is about Eddie moving forward in his life and letting go of the past she is both mentioned and actually appears, yet there are no hints of romance and romantic interest, not from Eddie and not in form of teasing from Buck and especially Carla, who pointed out Eddie’s interest in her previously. Soooooo…

Parallels with Love Interests

Now, obviously we also cannot talk Buddie without talking about them dating in general and then relating this to each other. In other news: there are parallels between each and every love interest Eddie ever had and Buck and also between Eddie and Abby.

(Side note: I could probably also find parallels between Eddie and Taylor and Eddie and Ali but tbh both of these barely qualify as love interests, especially Ali, who despite actually being in a relationship with Buck we know nothing about (hi, original Ana! You did good and I am sorry people hate you for having boundaries!))

Eddie paralleling Abby

I mean the truth is we don’t even need Eddie paralleling any other girlfriend of Buck cause there are so many between Abby and Eddie!

- Abby and Carla vs. Eddie and Carla:

The biggest one might be parallel that both employ Carla and why. Which is in part because Buck brought Carla to Eddie but goes deeper than that.

There is that conversation between Bobby and Buck about Abby and her mother in 1.09 when Buck wanted to break up with Abby and Bobby basically said: if you wanna date someone you have to love them baggage and all and should be there for them as well - and while Buck did try doing that with Abby, well, Patricia died before he could fully step into the ring and then Abby left, BUT he showed no hesitation after that to step right into Eddie’s life, into his issues, with him. And he even brought in Carla as a baggage carrier, isn’t that nice?

Also the whole reason why they need Carla around in the first place as both of them are taking care of a family member (plus the fact that Christopher is a literal child so even without CP Eddie would need help taking care of him working the hours he has).

Also tía Pepa quite literally calls Eddie a saint and I am pretty sure Abby was called sth similar by Carla and Bobby in Season 1 though I don’t care enough to check mainly because the implication was there all through the first ten episodes about how Abby was such a great person for taking care of her ailing mother.

But really it comes down to the parallels between Bobby telling Buck that a real relationship is about sharing the load and the conversation between Maddie and Buck as well as anything else in 2.04 where Buck is so desperate to be there for Eddie and help him.

- There is also a definite parallel to be drawn between the conversation Abby and Buck had in the Jeep while looking for her mom about how Abby hasn’t had sex in a year and Buck asking Eddie about dating in 2.04. It’s a little subtextual, but between the expression on his face and the topic and the teasing and the walking shoulder to shoulder it does feel alike to me so I mentioned it.

- street fighting vs. the apology: losing yourself

Now this one I love a lot because while it does happen half a season apart and isn’t explicitly expressed on the show: Eddie’s whole ark in Season 3a is about losing control and by extent losing himself because Buck wasn’t around. Abby meanwhile talks about how she found herself after she left LA and how she would have lost herself again if she returned to Buck (which is absolute bullcrap but not the point).

- There are also some parallels to be drawn between Buck, Eddie, Abby and Shannon (and technically also Maddie) and the whole leaving each other thing, with Eddie leaving Shannon for the army without consulting her about it while Abby left Buck for Ireland and then also the lawsuit where in a way Buck left Eddie like Shannon did, being so caught up in his own feelings he didn’t consider what Eddie (and Christopher) were going through.

But we can also acknowledge how it must have felt to Buck with Lena / Eddie taking Bobby’s side like he was once again replaced / left for someone else, much like Abby left him for Ireland and Maddie left him for Doug.

Buck paralleling Ana, Lena and Shannon

Buck on the other hand side parallels Eddie’s love interest a lot sometimes down to the clothes (and yes, technically Lena isn’t a love interest but Ryan Guzman thought she was and aside from the fact that he’s into women that could beat him up (which for once, not judging you, bro) and considering the parallels with Buck … that means if Buck was a woman, well, ya know?) so let’s talk about that

- Buck and Shannon:

I’ve already talked about that one a lot so I will only mention it here real quick but the whole Eddie not trusting Shannon vs. trusting Buck despite his betrayal again like right away once he apologised (which yes, what Buck did was not as bad and far more justified) and letting him back into Christopher’s life IS a parallel, considering for example how Shannon asks about Chris missing her (though it’s been over two years, at one point children just stop asking as we know Chris did) and Eddie telling Buck Chris misses him in the grocery store scene.

Also Eddie not trusting his wife and Chris’ mother with him fully even after they reconciled and him telling Buck he was the one he trusted most in the world when it came to his son is … something.

There is also a little parallel to be drawn between 2.17 when Shannon goes for ice cream with Christopher and Abuela and Eddie is all like, well, don’t come crying to me when he won’t sleep because sugar high and saying basically the same thing to Hen and Chimney in 3.02 when they ask about „Operation: Buck up Buck“ because Chris ate loads of pancakes.

Also Shannon in 2.07 said she needed Eddie to have her back and Eddie says he always did but Shannon disagrees (which might be a little how Buck felt with the lawsuit) and you know, Buck and him agreed to have each other’s backs just six episodes earlier.

- Buck and Lena:

 Now, with Lena, despite her being most connected to Eddie, the first (and second) time we actually see her is in 3.01/3.02 through Buck, which connects the two from the get go.

Eddie then finds out she was at the pier in 3.02 (before meeting her) just like Buck (though he doesn’t know that) and then meets her in 3.03 and she spends the whole episode running around LA trying to find her Captain while injured, much like Buck is doing in the same episode.

I also mentioned in my meta-series how I think one of the reasons why Eddie likes Buck so much was that Buck wasn’t impressed by his military background like everyone else (or his looks, I mean, it was probably more about his looks tbh) and how when Buck started liking him it was really about Eddie and not whatever he had heard about him - yet Buck was / is still never afraid to call him out bullshit, much like Lena from moment one.

There is also the fact that Eddie goes to her for advice and she literally uses Buck’s locker (and will I ever stop laughing about the tape? Probably not, I think it was hilarious, okay?)?

Then of course we have Buck in 3.04 reacting quite similar to seeing her for the first time as he did with Eddie in 2.01, even saying basically the same thing.

- Buck and Ana

Now, Ana is an interesting case because we see her a total of four times and she is mentioned two more times throughout the show and each and every single moment is connected to Buck somehow and sometimes so very unsubtle to.

In „Fools“ we cut from Buck saying he likes being single to Eddie doing parent-teacher conference and yes, meeting some other teachers first but also Ana, showing us that while Buck is fine with being single - Eddie might not be. And then Eddie introduces himself as Eddie and Ana knows immediately this is short for Edmundo - unlike Buck in 2.01 who guessed Eduardo? Also, Carla’s „big blue eyes“ line which is a little clown-y, so take it with a grain of salt that it could connect us to Buck.

Then of course her next scene is Eddie getting in her face about Christopher being hurt. Later in the episode we see Buck reference this on a call, meaning either Carla or Eddie told Buck about it (I am leaning a little toward Carla making fun of Eddie in front of Buck and Eddie then having to come clean about all of it, because I cannot wrap my head about the idea of Eddie telling Buck about having a crush, I’m sorry.) (And will I ever be over Buck being so gleeful that Eddie will now be dating the teacher after all? Because boy was close to cackling which even if he was in love with Eddie at the time and therefore happy he wasn’t off the market - still quite rude for a best friend if you ask me! Like, sure, do that but in front of strangers?)

Her next scene is Eddie coming to apologise to her and she gives her speech about limitations - which we can of course connect to Buck and Eddie talking about Christopher and his limitations before that and then afterwards going skateboarding with them. (It does feel a little deliberate.)

And then of course we have „Eddie Begins“ and you guys, they could have very very easily have either Carla or Buck make a joke about Mrs. Flores and Eddie’s crush in the firehouse scene, but they didn’t! And then we do get to see her at the end where she has one whole line and Eddie barely looks at her and you know what happens? They have a child ask the same question Buck asked at the beginning about ever just wearing the medal (which sounded very not straight in its delivery, Mr Stark, what were you thinking about?), making us think of Buck. Like, it would have been enough to establish Eddie doesn’t feel like a hero if the question was asked only once - twice in the span of 45 minutes constitutes a callback, meaning we are supposed to think of the other scene and that means thinking about the other person that asked, which was Buck.

Is this … flirting

Now, some of these are quite ambiguous but there are several scenes that imply they consider each other attractive or feel like flirting and here they are:

- 2.01: „I think I’ve seen this in porn before“

Now, we all know Buck’s initial dislike of Eddie was about Eddie being to good at the job and Buck being afraid of being replaced, but considering one of the first things we hear about Eddie is Hen saying that boy is so fine it transcends sexualities and considering they talked about the calendar which chooses them based on hotness just before and then all the references to the calendar throughout, it stands to reason that Buck considers Eddie attractive.

Also their whole conversation during the gym scene, what was any of that? I mean, Buck thinks the pictures of Eddie are professionally done which means he thinks they are good which means, yes, Buck thinks Eddie looks good in those!

Plus the whole scene is riddled with (sexual) tension. From Buck constantly increasing the weight he is lifting, while throwing looks at Eddie as if double checking that he sees he could bench press him and the way he gets in Eddie’s face to Eddie’s veiled barbs about the girlfriend breaking up with him and doing the same thing as a firefighter but he was getting shot at. I mean, what was that if not the beginning of a porno? (And here we have our first parallel between Buck and Eddie as we find out later because Eddie, too, has been left by a woman. Now the real question would be does he consider them broken up?

Not to mention that when Bobby tells him at the end of the episode that he wasn’t chosen Buck immediately assumes Eddie was and also is so very happy for his new friend, because he thinks he’s hot (right?).

- 2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“

In 2.08 Buck has a conversation with Chimney about his pick up technique and well, did anyone in production watch this episode because when Buddie walks away from tailpipe-girl-emergency he literally does everything he described.

Also Maddie says the words „Does this man crush on Eddie mean you are finally over Abby?“ to Buck and his only reaction is „Cute.“ meaning one) Maddie has teased him about his Eddie gushing before and two) maybe Buck does have a bit of a crush?

- 2.06: „Bucky Barnes murder strut - 911 edition“

Again with the Maddie and Buck scenes!

Basically what happened was Maddie talked about how cute Chimney was but Buck assumed she meant Eddie because apparently if someone says cute, Buck thinks Eddie. This is just a fact, okay?

- 2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“

Like my name for the episode already says, there is this scene were Buck and Eddie stand next to each other and Eddie says „That was incredible!“ and Buck who is already standing in Eddie’s space leans in further to basically whisper the words „It’s a miracle.“ into Eddie’s ears and then lean back a little and I am not sure if that wouldn’t fit better with Subtext but also Buck looks at Eddie like he wants to eat him alive and Eddie looks like he would let him and say thank you after while still embarrassed because he cries during sex.

You know, acting.

- 3.04 „discount!Buck in the house!“

Listen, I am convinced this is all Ryan considering the reaction of Kenny / Chimney and Aisha / Hen but that doesn’t change the fact that they used a take which had Eddie stare at Oliver / Buck’s butt the whole time and I mean, what horrible things happened in the other takes that made production choose this one unless they want us to see Eddie looking at Buck’s butt while Chimney and Hen stand around looking amused?

- 3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

Listen, from the moment Buck says „Cause you would prefer working it out in the ring?“ and then does this dorky thing with his arms while Eddie smirks into his beer about how he fought in a cage not fenced in (which, I’m a little unclear on the distinction I think, but I am nitpicky af so who am I to judge? Probably just stuff getting lost in translation) that whole scene changes vibes, going from apologising to teasing. And I think it’s very interesting that this is when Buck chooses to come closer (and then keep coming closer until he is right in Eddie’s personal space while touching his belt which we all learned by now means he is thinking about sex) and they have this whole conversation about who could take who which happens in sort of half sentences and does not feel like they are talking about fighting each other at all.

I mean, Buck keep coming closer, while Eddie stands there rooted to his spot, leaning against the bar, smirking, like every hot guy in a bar ever who knows one smile and a bit of smolder and they will come to him (which Buck does, playing right into it, I mean, come on, bro, weren’t you once a serial dater? How do you not know how to play hard to get?) and holding the beer (you know, phallic shaped obj- okay, I’ll stop here, it’s a reach), occasionally drinking, like maybe he tries to draw attention to somewhere or he has a very dry throat and honestly: this is how porn starts!

I don’t think my writing (or anyone’s writing really, not that ya’ll aren’t talented af) can properly express how very not platonic and innuendo-heavy this scene felt.

- 3.13: „‚Bro, what if I flirted with you in a bowling alley while out on a call?‘ - ‚Bro, what if I invited you out to lunch after telling a friend to say I love you before it’s too late?‘ - ‚BRO 😍‘“

Again, the title gives everything away but like so many scenes between these boys that moment at the bowling alley when Buck channels Arnie and Eddie is all: you’re a dork and also wrong! and then later when Eddie invites Buck to get lunch (which is sort of Eddie’s thing, remember 2.01?) after earlier telling Chimney to tell Maddie he loves her if he has a chance because he might regret it. And to really drive the point home or maybe make it in the first place, after Eddie asks Buck - and only Buck - to have lunch with him, Buck then declines because of a little blood (Evan, come one, you’ve seen worse! I know I have!) - only for Chimney to consider this the push he needed to invite Maddie for dinner so he can tell her he loves her.

So, you know, platonic.

- 3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“

I mean, what was that scene in the locker even with Eddie leaning against the doorway all cheeky and grinning like: yeah, come hang out with me! - obviously it was about Buck never saying yes to babysit a group of nine-year olds when he could be out drinking (as someone who works with kids, I approve), but yeah, that’s not what it felt like? So unless ya’ll cannot act anymore this was deliberately a bit over the top and ambiguous.

Jealousy

Now, no good ship works without jealousy and neither does Buddie so here are some examples of Buddie being jealous.

- 2.06: „Bucky Barnes murder strut - 911 edition“

Now, your probably saying: Bucky Barnes murder strut? That’s a tall order! But damn, Ryan nailed that, okay? Listen, we’ve seen Eddie walk out of uniform several times at this point and NEVER before and never after has he struted this predatory. Eddie walks tall and military, you know, the way he stands, Eddie doesn’t strut!

Yet, here he does! And what I love about this scene is that we see him in the background while Bobby talks to Taylor, working out with no care in the world - and then Buck comes over and flirts with her, suddenly Eddie feels the need to be part of the conversation?

And he doesn’t even wait until he is standing next to them to talk, he calls over while still sitting on the lifting things.

So yeah, that one is him being jealous.

- 2.10: „It’s all about ‚not my business‘“

- Now 2.10 is a great episode for Buddie and in part it is due to Buck’s facial expressions in the background and out of focus of the camera when Shannon comes to the station.

I mean, Oliver always plays Buck very intense and expressive and with his whole face but that was a bit much, you’d think he just found out Eddie broke a vow of chastity or had an affair while being married (which technically is what Buck compares it to later so kinda makes sense he looks like that but also doesn’t, Buckeroo, what’s the big deal? Did Eddie show up at your doorstep a week earlier telling you what a punk ass bitch his wife was, or…?)

- 2.17: „*fridges female character for man pain* Haha, we’re so random!“

„Talk to Bobby. Maybe he can get you guys a discount.“: There is a point to be made about Buck just not liking Shannon considering everything he knows about her and has heard about her, the same way Eddie doesn’t Abby, but still. This scene and this line, Buck does not sound happy for Eddie or truly interested and yeah, it’s off and it seems jealous.

- 3.04 „discount!Buck in the house!“

It’s actually not just my interpretation, it’s actually - between the similarities to 2.01 and everything that happens after with the lawsuit and how Buck explains himself - literal text that Buck was jealous here with Lena. So there!

- 3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

Tim Minear please send me over some scripts or have someone call me and explain what they were going for with the „You had sex with your therapist?“-scene because Eddie was so huffy and offended and I need to know!

- 3.12: „There’s a horse loose in a hos… school“

Buck sounds awfully gleeful Eddie will probably not date Christopher’s teacher and while that might just be him making fun of his best friend being so very overprotective and short tempered when it comes to his son (Mr. Control has left the building!), still, it reads a little like jealousy over some unknown pretty woman Chris might have mentioned some time and Carla probably described in great detail when she told Buck all about Eddie losing his cool!

- 3.17: „LegsTM“

It’s technically not really a jealous moment because it’s not Eddie being jealous but Buck simply refusing to mention his ex-girlfriend here, but considering 3.18 and also and most importantly the fact that there are only two other people in the truck, one being an unknown firefighter driving the truck and the other Bobby, who very much knows how Buck was supposed to take a hot air balloon ride with Abby, for who but Eddie was Buck concealing her identity for because Bobby already knows?

There really is only Eddie left, who probably figures out what Buck was about as well because bro may not be Buck and his out of the box thinking smart but he is fucking smart and he can figure shit out as well! Yet Buck refuses to mention Abby’s name and for what? So he can pretend Bobby and Eddie don’t know he is still bitter about her? I mean, fucking hell, send over the motherforking scripts, Minear, I am done with you!

- 3.18: „Traincrash? More like train WRECK? *cries*“

While I think Eddie is being more protective than jealous here, he is awfully involved and he is uncharacteristically out of control and emotional here and I wanna know why? Does Abby being back remind you of Shannon? Is it jealousy? WHAT IS GOING ON??? WHY YOU SO MAD, ARMY BOY???

Subtext

Now, I am first gonna talk about Subtext things in general like clothing choices, music and cuts between scenes and I am gonna be honest, I probably missed quite a few!

- One of my favourite is that while Buck wears the same colours in 3.03 as Shannon does in 2.07, Eddie wears the same exact shirt - and considering the fact that Ryan got buff between Season 2 and 3 that was deliberate, someone bought that shirt again because we are supposed to connect these scenes with each other!

- As I wrote before in 2.10 we can see Buck and his reaction out of focus when Shannon comes to the firehouse to talk to Eddie and ya know, why?

- Tim Minear himself said the elf in 2.10 was an easter egg for us Buddie shippers and he also said we can make out of the fountain in the background what we want, so there, Buddie is talking about Shannon and Eddie having sex and how much that messes shit up while a fountain shoots water in the background and yes, that is an innuendo and subtext and I hate it a little.

- 2.13 has this hospital scene I love a lot and you know what? Buddie is basically dressed the same, because the subtext of this scene is these two are alike and connected and they GET EACH OTHER.

- Another scene I really love is in 3.01 when Buck comes in for the surprise party because not only does he not hug his sister or Athene but runs up to Eddie first, Bobby actually shoves Eddie at Buck so he is the first person Buck hugs (and then the hug itself, what was that? The way they hold onto each other for a moment just looking while their hips are still touching?! Is that how you two hug because I want in!).

- Also they are dressed basically the same, should we discuss this as well?

- And still in 3.01 when Buck thanks Bobby and they talk and Bobby tells Buck he’ll find someone better and then asks him if he is doing okay, the first person the show cuts to is - nope, not Evan Buckley’s sister who is also there but his best friend, Eddie! Jup!

- And still in 3.01 when the firefam talks about helping Buck in the firehouse, Eddie first acts dismissive but the scene ends with Bobby saying Buck has them even though he may not believe that right now and half of that is said while the camera is on Eddie’s face who looks thoughtful - only to cut from them to Maddie and Josh discussing the same thing and mainly how Maddie doesn’t know how to help Buck and what he needs from her. Which you know, the episode ends with Eddie basically giving Buck a swift kick in the butt like she though he might need (and then 3.03 has Eddie basically telling Buck everything is gonna be okay, so we see Maddie talking about helping Buck but never see her doing it and instead we get two scenes of Eddie being there for Buck and also no Maddie in relation to the lawsuit but an extreme focus on Eddie? Writers, I see you and you aren’t wrong!)

- Also worth another mention is the cut between Madney talking about children, saying Buck didn’t have any either - to Eddie waking up Buck so he can babysit Christopher and specifically calling Buck „his Buck“ to make us think on their relationship and let us know how close they are and also to tell us to not trusts everything Maddie says about her brother because she gets shit wrong.

- In 3.03 after Buck tells Eddie he lost Christopher and then Eddie sees Christopher and rushes over and and Buck collapses and while Eddie holds Chris after he checked for injuries and Chim and Hen and Bobby hold Buck and Bobby asks Buck if he is okay, well, this whole time Buck is staring at Chris and Eddie and Eddie is staring back at him and Bobby, if you wanna know about me, gotta tell you, I am not okay?!

- And then we have the loft scene and yeah, okay, this deserves 5000 words of his own, from the fact that they played „Photograph“ by Ed Sheeran which includes lyrics about how they will never be alone and how loving can heal and mend your soul and the fucking song ends on the words „Wait for me to come home“ just as Eddie knocks and brings Christopher over and tells Buck there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than Buck and I am sorry, what are we supposed to think here? This show is from the US, these people speak english, it’s not like these lyrics leave much room for interpretation!

Not to mention the whole monologue Buck did about being lost and not knowing how to get from where you want to be to where you need to be before Eddie showed up and then talking about how a few choice words can sometimes be the life raft one needs to get home and how we are all just searching for someone to see us? I love Maddie and I love the Buckley siblings, but damn, she’s not the one he has been searching for!

(And I keep bringing up Maddie here because as his sister she is the person Buck could feel closest to and should care about the most and be cared about the most by and yet all canon evidence points to Eddie being that person! Also she is the person next to Eddie Buck has the most scenes outside the firehouse with.)

- This one is a bit of a stretch but Buck looks very uncomfortable during the whole deposition in 3.05 but he looks everyone in the eyes until the lawyer mentions Shannon and suddenly his lap is so much more interesting and yes, after is when all of them get asked the really hurtful question but still, this is when Buck stops being despondent and realises, fuck, I went a bit to far

- Someone please find for me where the director talked about purposely framing them as romantic in the apology scene because I cannot find the post for the life of me, but never the less: In 3.06 during the apology, in the beginning of the scene we see Buddie from quite a distance and Eddie has his back turned toward Buck and there is a column in the shot to visually indicate the divide and yeah, the whole framing is quite something and the way the camera angle goes from far away making it seem like unbridgeable distance cutting to closer shots and how we slowly see alongside the words hey, they aren’t actually that far apart, like yeah, this scene was something else!

- Not a direct cut but during therapy Eddie talks about how he wants to be at home with Chris because he is the one good thing he has going for him and the one thing he gets enjoyment out of (because he is so fucking depressed and I cry), yet when we later see Chris and Eddie together it is neither in Eddie’s house nor are they alone, nope Buck is there as well, meaning Buck is considered a part of that one thing even if he wasn’t explicitly mentioned!

- During 3.10 when they take the photo with all of them Buck is grouped between Madney and the Diaz family, like right between and not just next to them. Also earlier when the eat Buck sits next to Christopher who sits next to Eddie and therefore on the opposite side of his sister and her boyfriend.

- Yes, they were probably amused by the meddling mom asking then „Are you boys single?“ in 3.11 but come on! They look at each other and smirk? For real? Hand over the script, Timbo!

- Also as mentioned before the fact that when Chim and Eddie talk about family and the 118 being the family they choose the camera is on Albert, Buck and Christopher, no one else is in the shot. And of course the song that is playing here, another song about home.

- The callback to Buck in 3.12 of Ana immediately guessing Eddie is short for Edmundo unlike Buck as well as Carla saying blue eyes (which Buck has) is also Subtext.

- Said it before but: the scene in 3.13 when they arrive at the hospital and Eddie asks Buck out to eat and then Buck changes his mind but Chimney runs off to call his girlfriend because he wants to have dinner so he can tell her he loves her like Eddie told him to do at the beginning of the episode is … interesting.

- I already explained why I think Shannon wasn’t in that many scenes in the video in 3.15 yet Buck was in most of them but it bears repeating. Also again it’s subtext that Buck is part of Eddie’s family and Buck is very important to Eddie and Eddie loves Buck.

- Also the question about the medal in 3.15 and the little boy at the end repeating the question, sorry, were we not supposed to think of Buck here, Tim???

- Also just in general 3.15 focuses very very heavily on Buck and Buck’s reaction - much like 3.18 later does with Eddie. All the non-Eddie scenes feature Buck and Buck freaking out about Eddie potentially dying and Buck making plans and being frantic and the driving force of hope cause homeboy cannot even for a second entertain any thoughts on Eddie’s passing.

- The rope metaphor in 3.15 / 3.16 is of course also subtext but I already explained that one and don’t have anything to add really.

- This one is a little bit of a stretch but I do think there is a reason Eddie was the first one to be taken out of the equation in 3.16 and because of his son and not a love interest.

- Also the pool playing scene in 3.16 there visually we see Eddie and Buck together in nearly all shots, there are two shots of Eddie without Buck in it but not a single one of Buck without Eddie in it and considering camera angles and actors literally being told were to stand it is deliberate that Buck is only seen with Eddie by his side here.

- I’m repeating a lot of things here but Buck refuses to say Abby’s name in 3.17 even though Bobby clearly knows who he is talking about.

- „No. He stopped waiting for me a long time ago.“ cuts to „Summer Camp?“ I mean sorry, what were we supposed to think here? Because this does imply he really did stop waiting because now he has Christopher and Eddie!

- Not to mention it sort of hammers home what I wrote before how Abby is dating a single father and Buck is sort of dating a single father.

- Also 3.18 puts a lot of focus in general on Eddie and his reaction to everything when say, Bobby, who actually knows Abby and was there for the relationship would have made more sense - unless they are pushing an agenda here!

The first person we have Abby interacting with at the traincrash is Eddie and then Buck joins them and the scene literally goes: Eddie *talking to Abby* > cut to Buck, coming closer > Buck: „Abby?“ > cut to both Abby and *Eddie* > Abby: „Buck?“ while the camera is still on her and Eddie > cut to just Eddie’s face having a realisation > cut to Buck

So sorry, why do we focus so much on Eddie here, Mrs. Lynch? Is there a particular reason, oh director, who art also directed 3.01 and which has also loads of Buddie subtext?

There is also Eddie coming to stand visually between Abby and Buck when Sam is loaded into the ambulance as if he is physically putting himself between them and then Buck running back toward the traincrash and Eddie following him after and all the shots of them and Christopher during the party together and once again having Bobby asking Buck if he is okay visually connected to Eddie, though in reverse this time because the scene goes from Eddie and Chris having fun to Buck and Bobby talking. (And should we talk about how this is the first time Buck actually answers the question because finally he has an answer or are we thinking about that right before sleep today when it’s easier to cry?)

- Also very interesting subtext is the fact that Buck and Eddie wear nearly the exact same colour and a similar cut pullover when Buck talks to Abby at the end and when Eddie says goodbye to Christopher and I mean, thematically both scenes are about saying good bye and letting someone go? But also it connects Buddie with each other and connects these scenes, which Idc, I probably wouldn’t have done without the clothes?

Not sold seperatly

- Also subtext / visual thing is the fact that Buddie is basically always with and next to each other at the firehouse and on calls (and before anyone says: well, they are partners, Hen and Chim aren’t as much), and that is a long list so I am just giving examples: in 2.05 they sit next to each other at the table while in 2.06 they sit next to each other on the couch and in 3.08 they sit next to each other at the table again and then we have 2.02 standing outside and 2.04 walking away from the scene together and Eddie handing Buck a weapon in 3.17 and walking toward the ambulance together in 3.13 and several other times, the point is there are a shit ton of scenes of them being right next to each other in case you thought that was a fanfic thing!

„The Buck lens“ / „The Eddie lens“

I’m pretty sure there is an actual technical term for what I am trying to describe here but basically there are several instances where we see Eddie the way Buck does, meaning while the scene shows us Eddie doing something the focus is on Buck watching this. Sort of POV but not quite I guess? Also the reverse is true as well, even if those scene aren’t as pronounced!

- Let’s talk about 2.01 once again as we have done for most of this meta and finally, finally look at Eddie’s first scene which we all know is sort of gay and the first time we see Ryan shirtless because Tim accidentally wrote a certain quota of shirtless scenes he needed to do into Ryan’s contract and he needed to get started on those right away.

Also please remember while we as well as the core four are watching Eddie get dressed „Watta man“ plays in the background, which, considering we are introduced to Eddie through Buck’s point of view might be the song playing in his head here? Anyways, back to the topic at hand and how we as the viewers don’t see Eddie until Buck turns around and sees him as well. Which is significant because several times through the conversation between Buck, Hen, Bobby and Chimney we see the locker room in the background so they could have filmed that differently.

Instead they had Chim, who stands off centre, noticing something while Buck banters with Bobby about how he will get to represent the 118 in the calendar, then the camera changes angle so we no longer stand between Bobby and Chimney but rather behind Buck, making him centre stage and putting a focus on his reaction to Eddie. In this scene we have Buck framed by two people commenting on Eddie’s attractiveness. Now we don’t get to see Eddie until we have gotten all reactions of the core four to him, with special attention to Buck, both in filming and text with everyone taking a jab at Buck before walking over to introduce themselves to Eddie which leaves Buck alone, watching.

(Now keep in mind this scene also has Hen basically say Eddie is so hot it transcends sexualities while „Whatta man“ plays as Buck slowly turns around and Idk, mate, that does seem shippy to me.)

- Another scene that focuses very heavily on Buck is when Eddie rushes and hugs Chris at the end of 2.03. In fact for most of the scene we see Buck in the car watching them.

- Also, the hospital scene in 2.04 and how once again we see Eddie interact with Chris while Eddie watches them because fuck knows why.

- Similar to the Buck lens we have 3.10 where Eddie talks to Hen about Chris while the two (or rather Eddie since he sits at the centre) watch Buck play with Chris and Danny. This is significant because Buck is also placed in the middle, putting him opposite Eddie and also making him the focus of the camera for most shots when the scene was about Christopher and Eddie feeling guilty. Huh, we say!

- Something similar happens in 3.11, which is the next episode several months removed when Eddie talks to Chimney about the 118 being their family and while this time Chris is the one sitting in the front, Buck once again is in the middle and also in focus in a scene shot from Eddie’s POV.

Other people reacting to them / commenting on them

Now, I am not sure if this is really Subtext but who knows where else it fits in? (This is a rhetorical question, only my opinion counts around here while I write!) So It goes here! And I think the title is self-explanatory enough.

- I’m a little on the fence on the Bobby looks because - no offence to Peter Krause - he doesn’t have that many facial expressions in general, but yeah, at the mechanics Buck watches Eddie and Bobby watches Buck.

- Our first real one of those scene is the truly savage tía Pepa who is a woman after my own heart because she says the mean shit to your face and the nice things behind your back because she loves you but she loves vibe checking egos more! And well, she is understandably confused by Buck’s being there at the hospital and asks Eddie who that is and why he is here and gives one of the best lines of the show by being so sarcastic, because oh, you work together? Damn, wouldn’t have guessed from the fact that both of you wear LAFD t-shirts! (I love her!)

- In the same episode Maddie comments on Buck’s boycrush on Eddie and while I am unsure whether that is supposed to make it sound less gay or it’s Maddie saying: Bro, you sound 12! but oh well! It’s a comment on them!

- I loath a little to include the elf in 2.10 because Tim has said that was an easter egg for Buddie shippers and a tongue in cheek thing but yeah.

- Also Bobby watches the whole „It’s a miracle“ exchange in 2.14 with that look.

- In 2.18 we get some text on the screen when they help instagram girl about how hot the both of them are and also how THEY should be dating which I’m putting into the same box as 2.10.

- The fact that Bobby shoves Eddie at Buck in 3.01, like sorry, why was it so relevant that this is the first hug?

- When Eddie / Ryan stared at Buck’s / Oliver’s ass in 3.04 we see Hen and Chimney grin about it.

- I know I have said myself that Maddie’s reaction in 3.08 was due to the fact that she just said: can ya’ll stop gossiping - and Chim and Buck were like: sure thing! and then started gossiping but still.

- There is Buddie flirting at the bowling alley in 3.13 and once again Bobby gives them the look and yeah.

- In 3.15 everyone seems very worried about Buck especially and they keep reassuring as if he were Eddie’s next of kin.

- Again a Bobby look I am unsure of but in 3.17 we see him giving them the look in the truck and yeah.

Other people’s heartache

Now, as I’ve said in the beginning, I didn’t wanna just include my perspective on Buddie, so I asked a few other people about this and while this isn’t a representative statistical number it’s still interesting, right?

(Also originally this Guide was organised by episode and I would have included the comments when the things came up but alas that didn’t work and I think I turned a little grey because of that)

@buckleysbabe:

When i first watched 9-1-1, I had no idea that Buddie existed (i hadn’t been on tumblr a lot at the time so I hadn’t seen gifs or anything) and when i started s2 I really thought they were just best friends, but then 2x10 and the ”you two have an adorable son” scene happened and Buck’s ”thank you” and the shy smile AND I WAS ON BOARD!! That was really the first moment, then I got the confirmation after 3x03 and the scene where Buck sees Eddie in the tsunami scenery, and then the whole Eddie saying theres nobody in this world....like in that moment I felt like they were seriously in love 😍❤️

About the 2x10: that scene has so many things. Like the water fountain in the back, Chris in the scene with them (like they are a family), then the elf saying what she said, Buck being for a second like ”huh?” and then you see the light bulb going on when he’s like ”ohhhhhhhh yeah” and then he says thank you 😍😍😍 saying HE IS CHRIS’S COPARENT. AND THEN THE SHY SMILE

@theleftboobgrabber

Right off the bat I thought they had chemistry but I think the entirety of 2×04 is when I genuinely started shipping it. Like.... the constant heart eyes, the support, Buck trying so hard to be there for Eddie and Eddie absolutely never questioning it, the look Buck gives Eddie at the fire house was absolute fire (when Bobby tells Eddie Buck asked for Chris to stay with them) like Eddie's like you did this for me??? And Buck has just this massive Big Buck Energy from where he's sitting like "get used to it" and I remember absolutely loosing my mind that Bobby got the hug and not Buck at the end of the scene like in what universe??? And yeah the rest of the episode is just the same but that feeling of 'that's the wrong man you're hugging' was the tipping point

@emotionalsupportfirefam

Okay so mine was kinda two moments?1) when Buck took Eddie to Chris' school after the earthquake and we see his reaction to Eddie's joy and relief as he holds Christopher and then spends the next episode trying to find ways to help Eddie with finding a suitable caregiver/ support for Chris and 2) the fact the took them whole of five minutes to go from 'rivals' to the 'dynamic duo' after the grenade call.

@evaneddie

Honestly? Literally every scene they have is romantically coded. The first scene of them, with Eddie being shirtless and us seeing it from Buck's perspective with „Whatta Man“ playing? That's subtext.

You can have my back any day? Yo.

The scene when the elf Blair(e) said they have an adorable son and Buck just said thank you instead of correcting her before he literally skipped away?

Eddie showing up at Buck's apartment and Buck not even questioning how he got in?

The way Buck is like a second father to Chris and protects him like one in the tsunami?

"THERE'S NOBODY IN THIS WORLD I TRUST WITH MY SON MORE THAN YOU"?! REALLY EDDIE? WHAT ABOUT LITERALLY ANY OF YOUR FAMILY? OR CARLA? Baby, that's love.

THE HALLOWEEN HUG?!

THE KITCHEN SCENE, THE WHOLE SEXUAL TENSION IN THAT SCENE?! BUCK'S HAND ON HIS BELT, THE GLANCES, "I'D STILL TAKE YOU", ON THE COUCH EDDIE LOOKS TO BUCK'S LAP, LIKE COME ON!

"You boys single?" *Looks at each other*

"This is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest"

Buck's breakdown when he lost Eddie under 40 feet of mud. That was not the breakdown of losing a friend, that was the breakdown on losing someone you love. There's a meta I saw once literally just for this scene alone, the way Buck dug so desperately at the mud with his bare hands, the screams of heartbreak, the way he collapsed into Bobby, the pure dissociation as Bobby was giving instructions later on, Eddie's memories filled mostly with Christopher and Buck. Sure, the others were there, but, it was FILLED with Buck and Chris.

Then the ending scene of the season?! What was he trying to do with the necklaces? Thrusting his hips towards Eddie, hitting him in the face, then that soft touch on his face?

@adamngoodbuck

Hey! Nice question and for me really easy to answer. I started watching the show back in 2018 when it first aired but I was a casual viewer. Very casual. So casual I actually watched everything up to 2x10 and then I thought it was the season finale so I forgot about it. And then season 3 started. And nothing made sense. So I checked and welp, I had to catch up. And I did and something started brewing inside of me. I wasn't part of the fandom yet. And then. The THE SEARCHERS happened. And that scene. The there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you scene. My icon scene. And I was done. Hook, line and sinker.

@the-family-we-choose-118 

My main ones were all the big ones: the kitchen scene, the end of 3x03, the Christmas episode one where Buck is helping Danny and Chris make gingerbread houses and then plans a whole party for the firefam, Buck clawing at the ground in 3x15, Eddie interrupting Taylor Kelly when she came to the station to do the documentary in Dosed, the fact that Eddie was introduced from Buck's POV with „Whatta Man“, the entire earthquake episode where Buck is reassuring Eddie his kid is okay and then drives him to get his kid later on, and the scene where Buck introduces Eddie to Carla in (I'm pretty sure it's) the same episode where Maddie asks him if his boy crush on Eddie means he's over Abby (that was my main one). And I was fully convinced when Eddie walked in Buck's apartment in the beginning of S3 and ripped his blankets off him and was so sure he doesn't sleep naked/wouldn't have anybody over.

And the „official“ part of the guide is done but I do wanna say something else real quick which is:

You have just read about 20.000 words I painstakingly wrote over the course of several weeks and while I get that meta is even more harrowing to reblog than gifsets or fics because meta involves so much opinion and interpretation and what if you disagree with parts of it?

Well, again, I invested a lot of time in this and also: IF YOU DISAGREE TELL ME!!! TELL ME IN THE REBLOG OR IN THE TAGS!!! Because different to fics and gifsets meta is a dialog and I can’t have a dialog unless people talk to me! I’m not here to lecture you on right or wrong, I am here to tell you: okay, this is how the scene looks from my point of view, what do you say? So honestly, please consider liking and reblogging and tagging and maybe talking a little about it with me, because screaming into the void is so very boring

(And also in general: reblog reblog reblog! All these funny posts you see on buzzfeed and instagram screenshoted from tumblr? Half of them were made great by reblogs and all of them were noticed by these sites because of reblogs)

Anyways, before I (REALLY) let you go it would be hypocritical now to not talk about some people who inspired some of this (but ya’ll have to understand I cannot talk about everyone)!

I can however say these four especially helped me write this:

- @diggorypuff , who I have never talked to but whose posts about interesting parallels actually sort of got me into thinking deeper about this show: (X)

- @ingu, who fairly recently did a series of gifsets on Buddie and how Buck is framed as Eddie’s love interest which gave me life: (X)

- @matan4il, who is such an amazing friend and does the most concice and well thought out metas on Buddie without having to watch the show a million times like other people we shall not name have to (me, I am talking about me). Find her buddie metas here: (X) 

- And most importantly my girl, my babe, my love, @chimbuckleys who is the voice of reason between us and always lets me rant about stuff and was the sounding board for this and so much else I have written - I couldn’t do this without you! (ALSO I AM GOING TO BED NOW, BABE!!!)

AND DEAR READER, you made it! Now go have a blessed day and plant some trees because earth is dying and we with it!

[hermannsthumb]

Would you please be willing to write 54 from the winter prompt list? About having a rough day?

54. we don’t really know each other but you look like you’re having a rough day so i got you my favourite hot drink from the cafe

from winter writing prompts here

sometimes it’s fun to write things where they were never penpals and they’re just kind of bastards to each other. this is a WELL needed break from working on finals and zine stuff

-------------------

Newt’s not really sure what he did to be stuck with this utter bastard of a lab partner—what sort of, like, karmic punishment he’s facing, and for what, or who high in command he pissed off in his job interview—but in terms of utter bastards, Hermann Gottlieb pretty much takes the cake. He snaps at Newt over everything. He tears down Newt’s theories in front of their superiors whenever he gets the chance. The dude even took a fucking roll of tape and divided the lab in half just so he wouldn’t have to look at Newt’s face—totally nuts behavior. Like, right? Who does that? He’s not even sure why they have to share a lab in the first place. It’s not like Hermann’s jumping at the chance to stick his arms in a kaiju chest cavity with Newt, or Newt can make head or tails of Hermann’s bizarre equation chains. Half of him is convinced they’re all just bullshit, anyway. But whatever.

At least Hermann’s being significantly less of a bastard today. Newt hasn’t heard one peep out of him—not even when Newt started playing music without his headphones, or knocked a whole chunk of kaiju intestine over onto the floor and it rolled (with a series of admittedly nasty splats) an inch across the dreaded tape line. He’s just been standing, motionless, at his chalkboard. All day. Not even writing anything. Occasionally, Newt’s heard him sigh.

It’s a drastic departure from the routine Newt’s used to. Newt doesn’t care about Hermann—he really doesn’t—but if he did, he might be…a little worried about the guy.

Hermann sighs again. This time, he wipes a hand down his face.

Oh, good grief.

Newt pulls off his work gloves with two snaps, switches his headlamp off, and clears his throat. “Hey, uh,” he says, timidly, and cringes at himself even as he does. Newt would say his odds are 50-50 that Hermann’s just gonna yell at him to mind his own business and get back to work. “Gottlieb? Hermann?”

Hermann turns from his chalkboard with a low “Mm?”

He has dark circles under his eyes; his collar, Newt notices, is tucked into his shirt, and one shirttail hangs out from his sweatervest, like he was distracted when he got dressed this morning. It’s the most disheveled Newt has ever seen him. Instantly, he feels a strange surge of pity for his weird, prickly lab partner. “You all good over there, dude?” Newt says.

“Yes,” Hermann says.

Then he sighs, and sits down heavily on the metal stool he keeps next to his ladder. It looks like the most uncomfortable thing in the world. “Frankly, no, Dr. Geiszler,” he says. “I’ve not had—the best of days.”

“Oh,” Newt says. He scuffs his boot against the floor. “…Do you want to, like…talk about it or something?”

Hermann works his weird, angular jaw furiously. For a second time, Newt’s sure the rebuke is coming—the stay out of my private affairs, Dr. Geiszler, an invitation for Newt to fire back at him with a nasty jab of his own, and then they can both be on their merry way like it never happened—but none does. “I am sure you have noticed I am not making as much headway in the updated jaeger coding as I would’ve liked,” Hermann says.

Newt didn’t notice. He doesn’t make a habit of paying attention to Hermann if he can help it. “Uh, sure,” he says.

“To put it lightly,” Hermann says, “I am stumped. And on top of this, my father—well.” He rubs his hands over his face again and doesn’t elaborate.

The amount Newt knows about Hermann can be counted on one hand. He knows that Hermann was like him—a child prodigy. He knows that Hermann cuts his own hair, because there’s no way something that bad could’ve been paid for, and Newt found dark brown hair clippings in the k-sci bathroom sink the same day Hermann’s bowlcut looked just a bit more severe than usual. He knows Hermann walks with a cane, but he doesn’t know why. He knows Hermann’s father founded the jaeger program, stuck his son at the head of it, and then suddenly and inexplicably publicly called for defunding it in favor of allocating resources to some stupid coastal wall instead. Newt can’t even imagine the pressure Hermann’s dad is putting him under to follow in his footsteps. Or how much harder it is for Hermann to complete even menial work tasks with that weighing over him. “Dude,” he says, sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

Hermann snorts.

“No, really,” Newt says, and he’s surprised to find he means it. Hermann is a bastard, but Newt kinda thinks he’s growing on him like…well, like a frumpy, bitchy old tumor. Or something like that. “I am. That really sucks. Can I help you with anything?”

“Not unless you can write this damn code for me,” Hermann says, scowling and banging the end of his cane against his chalkboard viciously. “Oh, never mind. I’m going to get a tea from the commissary before I tear my bloody hair out.”

He makes to stand, but Newt shakes his head, and says quickly, “No, dude, let me! Just stay here and chill. I was going to run out for a sandwich anyway.”

It’s a misstep, maybe—Hermann’s scowl darkens. But Newt presses on anyway. “Seriously, I’ll get it. I want to help you. Do you want a sandwich or anything too? Or noodles? I think the mess is serving noodles today. Or I could run out to get you takeout, whatever you want.”

“Newton,” Hermann says. Not Dr. Geiszler. Newt’s heart skips a beat for reasons he doesn’t quite understand. “I don’t want a sandwich or anything like that. I just want some tea.” His jaw moves back and forth again. “But—if you are so inclined to fetch it for me—I would…appreciate the gesture. I take it with milk and two sugars. Just a tea. That is all.”

“Okay!” Newt says, grinning goofily, and jogs from the lab.

He slams a bio-degradable cardboard coffee cup and a small box of pastries down onto Hermann’s desk thirty minutes later. Hermann, who was poring over a bewildering jumble of code on his computer screen, startles so badly his glasses slip off the end of his nose and bounce against his chest. He crooks his eyebrow at the cup and pastries. “Those are not from the commissary,” he says.

“They’re not,” Newt says. “Come on, the comm stuff is crap, you know they water everything down. There’s a café I go to just off base and they’ve actually got the good stuff.” It costs him a fucking fortune these days with rationing, especially on the tiny salary the PPDC is able to scrape together for him, but Newt firmly believes it’s worth it. Spending that much on Hermann is worth it too, he thinks, if it means Hermann can go back to their usual sparring faster. Sad, mopey Hermann unsettles Newt. He slides Hermann’s drink closer to him. “Come on, come onnn, try some.”

Hermann sniffs it suspiciously. He pries off the plastic lid, revealing a mountain of whipped cream and chocolate drizzle beneath. “This does not look like tea, either,” he says, and stares at Newt—unimpressed—over his glasses.

“It’s not,” Newt says. “It’s called the Geiszler—it’s my custom order at the shop. Well, I call it the Geiszler, anyway. I think they just call it ‘that one fucking guy is back again’.” Hermann cracks the world’s smallest smile, and Newt feels like he’s just scaled Mount Everest. He also feels like his stomach might twist itself up in knots, because it’s kinda a cute smile. Is that weird to think about Hermann like that? It’s totally weird. Whatever. “Go on, try it, for real. I promise it’s good.”

Hermann delicately snaps the lid back on and takes a long sip; he swallows, and hums thoughtfully. Newt has never cared about Hermann’s opinion this much before. “Well, it’s not tea,” Hermann finally says, “but I will admit it could be worse. Thank you.” He gives Newt another funny little sour smile—like it can’t decide if it wants to be a frown or not. “And thank you for the pastries, as well. Though I don’t know how on earth I’m meant to finish them all.”

“Dude, they’re totally not all for you,” Newt laughs. He digs one out of the box, takes a bite, and waves it at Hermann. Crumbs rain down on Hermann’s desk. “As if. We’re sharing.”

Hermann wrinkles his nose and sweeps off a layer of crumbs from some paperwork. “Hm,” he says. “Please do refrain from eating over my work station, Newton. I know you are far laxer with your sanitary habits, but…”

There it is again—Newton. Not Dr. Geiszler, and not Newt. No one’s called Newt Newton in years. It’s for the Newton that Newt forgoes the fight and just backs off with his pastry and a smile. “Sorry,” he says. “You’re right, that was rude of me. Enjoy the coffee.”

They’re back at each other’s throats in a day, but Hermann doesn’t stop calling him Newton, so Newt figures that’s gotta mean something.

[genderpunktheo]

Hey! Im confused about whats happening on twitter, so i just wanted to ask: the whole... argument. Disaster. Whatevers going on over there. Is it to do with you refering to the ‘bottom growth’ (is that actually the technical term?) as a dick, which like yes sure. But then im seeing people saying your saying the vagina/that whole area is a dick because a trans man has it, though i cant see where you did say that, which is confusing me. Because... its not, is it? The whole thing with people

Going ‘you dont have a dick your a biological women’ is dumb and transphobic, but is it correct to call those areas a dick if theyre... not? Outside of like, casual references, i mean in the more literal sense. this is all coming from a cis person whos only just learnt that this is a thing and thats why its throwing me off, i dont wanna sound like im coming from a ‘your wrong’ perspective! Im just not sure of the terminology, because a trans man who doesnt have a ‘growth’ or w/e would be a Man with a vagina, right, or would we say its a dick? I have no idea if this makes sense sorry

This ask is really old now (sorry about that! I read it at the time but just did not have it in me to answer after everything that went down on twitter) so I doubt you’ll even see this but I’ll give answering it a go anyway. 

So... when it comes to things like genitals, every trans person is gonna have a different way of dealing with that dysphoria (if they experience bottom dysphoria at all). Some trans guys are gonna call it a vagina and a clitoris, some are just gonna say “junk” to make it neutral and yeah, some are gonna say dick (and of course, any trans man who has had bottom surgery does indeed have a dick!)

Like you say, this happens often with “bottom growth” because one the clitoris grows on testosterone it can look and even function (since it will also harden or get erect when you’re aroused) much like a micro-penis. Is it exactly the same as a cis man’s penis? No, it’s not. Of course not. But... trans bodies don’t have to be the same as cis bodies. They’re still bodies. And technically, the clitoris is made from the exact same tissue as a penis. So, I would argue its perfectly correct to call it a dick if that’s how you view it and that’s what you wanna call it. 

Now I’m not saying that that means you should go label a clitoris “penis” on an anatomy chart. I’m just saying that while bottom growth isn’t biologically identical to a cis man’s penis, it’s also not biologically identical to a cis woman’s clitoris so... the lines are kind of blurred and you can call it whatever the fuck you wanna call it. 

Some people also use terms like babydick or dicklet to describe the fact that it’s obviously smaller and not exactly the same. Or words like T-dick to describe the fact that it’s growth from testosterone. 

As for if you’re not on T (like me)... then yeah it’s far more of a casual thing. I’m not an idiot I’m fully aware that I don’t actually have a penis. But I personally find it dysphoric to call my clitoris a clit, so I refer to it as my dick. Other than this one situation, this isn’t something I would usually ever speak about publically so this would just be between me and my long-term partner, who of course, has seen my junk and is aware of exactly what I have down there. It’s not misleading anyone or anything like that, it’s just a term that makes me more comfy. 

I’m perfectly happy saying that I am a man with a vagina. That is correct and true and fine. It’s just the clitoris word that spikes my dysphoria. I don’t know why, it just does. So yeah... when I’m talking with my partner, I say I have a vagina and a dick rather than a vagina and a clit. 

The whole situation on twitter started because someone jokingly tweeted about how giving a trans man a blow job (referring to bottom growth in this case) is a different skill set to giving a cis man a blow job. Some random cis guy came into the conversation to go off on one about how that wouldn’t count as a blow job so I basically told him “sucking dick is sucking dick, doesn’t matter if the dick is cis, a strap-on, bottom growth or whatever.” He proceeded to argue about whether it counted as a dick before finally saying that he’d googled pictures of it and now agreed that it was a dick.

So... I tweeted some screenshots and was like “hey cis people maybe don’t act like this... it’s kinda weird for you as a cis person to decide that it’s up to you what terms we’re allowed to use for our bodies.” Note that I was not saying that it’s the same as a cis penis! I was just saying you can it a dick or call oral a blow job if you want to! 

And for some reason... this really pissed people off. Lots of transmeds calling me a trender because “only a trender would go around saying they have a dick out of nowhere” which I find doubly frustrating because a). it wasn’t out of nowhere, some cis dude started it and b). i am 100% sure that if I called it a clit instead I’d be accused of being a trender for not being dysphoric enough. You just can’t win. 

Obviously lots of transphobes but also quite a few trans people. Who all wanted to make jokes about my body or how I have sex. Really nasty stuff, outright transphobia and bordering on sexual harassment. There was a lot of people who were attacking me for saying that a clitoris is a penis or because they thought I believed that it’s factual to say it’s identical to a cis penis. 

But... I never said any of that. All I said was that it can be a dick if you call it a dick (when it comes to stuff in the bedroom! Obviously medically speaking is a whole other issue). Because your sex life is your business. 

So there you go. There’s my thoughts on genitals. Hope that makes sense!

[kmomof4]

Of Darkness, Vampires, and Soulmates Ch. 4 Escape and Capture

Annnnnnnd we’re back, y'all!!! Okay, I’ve got good news and bad news. So we’ll do the bad news first. This chapter is gonna hurt. Sorry, not sorry. It really is necessary. I promise. Please don’t yell at me too hard. And now for the good news! It’s the last overall chapter that hurts! There will still be painful stuff to read, but the chapters will be happy after this one! How about that? Can you hang with me through one more? Please? Thank you all so much for all the love you’ve shown this fic!!! I cannot BEGIN to tell you how much it means!!!

@profdanglaisstuff​ deserves all the love and good things the world has to offer for her outstanding beta services and for holding my hand, bailing me out, and listening to me whine during the writing of this thing. @hollyethecurious​ deserves the same because as one of my dearest friends she got the lions share of the whining for MONTHS on end. To the ladies of the CSSNS and CSMM discords, I would have given up without y’all’s encouragement, plus y'all helped with selecting a title. And finally, to @spartanguard​ who has brought me to tears every week with her GORGEOUS artwork to accompany this fic! Thank you, ladies, from the bottom of my heart!!!

Chapter Summary: An unpleasant surprise at Versailles puts Killian's well laid plans in jeopardy.

Rating: M (Violence and smut)

Words: 4.2K of 41K total

Tags: Vampires, Soulmates, Reincarnation, Prophecy, Black Death, French Revolution, Magic, True Loves Kiss

Prologue | Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ao3 chapter link | Ao3 fic link

Tag list: @hollyethecurious​ @winterbaby89​ @snowbellewells​ @stahlop​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @jennjenn615​ @kingofmyheart14​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @branlovestowrite​ @thisonesatellite​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @flslp87​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @let-it-raines​ @shireness-says​ @kymbersmith-90​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @bethacaciakay​ @searchingwardrobes​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @teamhook​ @aprilqueen84​ @qualitycoffeethings​ @superchocovian​ @artistic-writer​ @donteattheappleshook​ @doodlelolly0910​ @seriouslyhooked​ @tiganasummertree​ @lfh1226-linda​ @nikkiemms​ @xsajx​ @klynn-stormz​

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

Under the cut unless Tumblr ate it.

Rumplestiltskin arrived in Versailles at the height of summer. Magic disguised his true form from the eyes of the aristocracy that gathered this night in a garish display of pomp and splendor. His eyes scanned the ballroom before him before they landed on his quarry. The tall, raven haired vampire’s eyes met his own from his place on the ballroom floor.

The sire connection he shared with Killian was something that he could tap in to at any time to find his progeny and make his life miserable. It had been several decades since he had last sought out his offspring, and he felt it was time to up the stakes of their encounters. In the past, unleashing disease near his location, or even on his ship, or sending magical storms for him to battle had been his favorite tactics with which to bedevil him. By no means however, were they they only tactics he employed. But now, he sought his person. He desired to ascertain exactly how he was living, how he was making his living, what kind of social standing he had, who, if anyone, he cared about, enabling him to swoop in and take it all away.

Blue eyes flashed red with surprise when they met his own dark irises. He couldn’t help the delighted grin that broke from his thin lips as their gazes broke momentarily when Killian turned on the dancefloor. Eyes locking again, images paraded themselves across his mind, images that he didn’t recognize right away. Images of a chateau within a green valley,  a family gathered for a meal with his progeny among them, a blonde haired child running through tall grass.

A manic giggle bubbled up as he realized exactly what was happening. Eye contact between them opened the corridors of their minds. This was the first time since he had created the much younger vampire that they had been in each other's physical presence, so this was the first time that this had ever occurred. In the brief moments that their eyes held, he saw everything that he needed to know about the life that his offspring now led. He saw the people that were important to him. Including the young woman that he now danced with. Perhaps she would be suitable for his next victim, he mused as he continued to scan the room until his gaze landed on the other woman from the visions he was privy to.

She also watched his quarry as he twirled his partner around the floor that gleamed and glowed with the light of what must be a thousand candles. Her eyes shone with undisguised joy as the young couple danced before she leaned toward one of the other women in the small circle that surrounded her talking and gesticulating animatedly.

The music swelled toward the climax, drawing his attention back toward the couple on the dance floor. His eyes narrowed just as Killian briefly turned his way again, but avoided looking directly at him before he could capture and hold his gaze, trying to delve even deeper into the mind of his greatest triumph. He decided at that point to make his way over to the other woman. If, as he suspected, she was anyone of importance to Killian, that would only be advantageous to his cruel designs.

He straightened himself up to his full height and strolled, twirling his cane ahead of him, toward the group of women he had spied earlier. The eyes of his target landed on him and a light blush spread on her cheeks. He knew that in terms of good looks, he didn’t hold a candle to someone like Killian, but he wasn’t unattractive by any stretch of the imagination. His attire and bearing, along with a little magic, combined to give him an air of refinement and mystery. A combination that he was sure she’d find hard to resist. And if she did resist, he could always use his powers of compulsion on her. He smirked as her companions melted away as he made his way to her side.

“Rumple von Stiltskin,” he began, bowing over her raised hand and brushing his lips along her gloved knuckles, “Your servant, Madame.”

“Monsieur, welcome to Versailles.” She smiled demurely at him. “I am Vicomtesse Desmoulins.”

“Ahhh, forgive me,” he replied, with a small bow, “May I have this dance, Vicomtesse?”

“Of course,” she replied, placing her hand in his own as the music began again. He led her out to the floor as he saw his true target escort his lady off of the floor and away from him. Rumplestiltskin’s jaw clenched and his vision went red in fury briefly before he was able to bring himself back under control, just as his partner turned toward him and curtseyed. He bowed before drawing her into his arms.

~*~*~

“You are a wonderful dancer, Monsieur.” Rumple spun the woman in his arms with a smile.

“Thank you, Madame,” he replied, drawing her close again.

Her gaze became sultry. “Oh please, Monsieur,” she cooed, “Call me Cora.”

“Then you must call me Rumple.” He could feel every part of her lined up with him. He couldn’t pretend that he wouldn’t mind taking her to bed. “Tell me about yourself, Cora. I saw you watching a young couple earlier. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the beauty of your smile as they danced.”

Her seductive gaze turned soft. “My daughter and her suitor. He’s been a guest of my family since before we arrived.”

“I see,” he murmured. “They are a handsome couple.”

“Indeed,” she agreed. “He is the Prince d’Épinoy, and a sea captain. His name is Killian and he’s been courting my Regina since he arrived in our home about four months ago. I’m hopeful that he’ll be approaching my husband soon seeking her hand. Of course, we’d be delighted to grant our blessing to the match. My daughter as the Princesse d’Epinoy? It is all that I’ve ever dreamed for her!”

“Well, I certainly hope that it comes to pass as you wish.” The wheels in his head were already turning. Regina would do quite nicely as his next target, just as he had suspected. And through that connection, further harass his offspring. He caught the eye of his progeny for just a split second as he and Regina returned to the ballroom floor. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long enough to delve any more deeply into Killian’s mind than what he already had.

He watched them surreptitiously as the evening continued. Killian was obviously aware of what had happened earlier, and so was diligent in avoiding eye contact with his sire. So diligent, in fact, that Rumple couldn’t help but wonder if there was something even more important that his progeny was trying to keep hidden from his sight.

He couldn’t disguise his delight at the obvious agitation emanating from Killian. The tension in his bearing was extremely satisfying to witness, as well as the clenching of his jaw whenever he caught Rumple looking in their direction. His and his lady’s breaks from the dance floor were also more frequent and lasted longer as the evening continued.

The last time Killian and Regina left the floor, Rumple maneuvered Cora in their direction, hoping to overhear some of their conversation.

“Perceptive, darling,” Killian murmured. “Yes, keep away from him.” He shot a look in his direction filled with warning, presumably borne out of protectiveness that almost made Rumple giggle in delight. “I don’t know what he wants with your mother, but given the way she’s been looking at him all night, I believe she is thoroughly smitten. We must be on our guard and protect ourselves from his influence. It is probably too late for your mother.”

“Is there anything we can do to avoid that? Anything we can do to help her?”

“Be aware,” he continued. “I’ve had many dealings with him over the years, and simply being aware of what he can do and the tactics he uses is the best defense against him. For her, I doubt it.” Hearing that little tidbit was enough to fill him with a keen satisfaction that he didn’t bother to try and hide as he continued to dance with the Vicomtesse. He may not be able to seduce Regina now that she’d been adequately warned against him coupled with Killian’s proximity, but he could still use his proximity to Cora to torment his offspring, both here at Versailles and back at their home when they inevitably returned to plan a wedding in the coming months.

And that, he thought, is when I’ll make his entire world crash around him. Again.

~*~*~

Rumple rolled off Cora, sweaty, sated, and licking her blood from his lips before turning back toward her. He knew that she had something to tell him. She was nearly trembling with excitement when she arrived in his chamber. Before she had had a chance to tell him, however, their passion got the better of them.

Gathering her in his arms again and placing a gentle opened mouth kiss on her pulse point sealing the wound there, he murmured, “What is it, my love? I know that something has happened. You are nearly vibrating out of your skin. And not only from my attentions.”

A low moan escaped her as she let her head fall to the side, granting him better access as he continued kissing along her jaw. “Yes, Rumple,” she breathed, “You know me so well. Killian has finally approached Henry and asked for Regina’s hand. We leave for home tomorrow.”

She pushed him away and looked him in the eye. “Come with us. I can’t live without you, Rumple.”

Rumple leaned back in placing another kiss on her pulse point. “Of course I will, Cora. Anything I can do to make this time easier for you, be sure that I will.”

“The wedding will take place at Noël.” Her eyes filled with tears with a rough inhale.

He gathered her closer before speaking. “What’s wrong, my darling. You should be happy.”

“Oh, I am!” she exclaimed. “I just can’t believe how blessed I am.” A barking sob escaped her. “My daughter is to be married,” she looked up at him, desire simmering in her eyes, “I have you. What else could I ask for?”

Rumple let his desire for her fill his eyes as he felt his member stir and he settled himself between her legs again. “Nothing, my dear. Absolutely nothing.”

~*~*~

The wedding date was drawing near. The family along with Killian and Rumple had been back at the Chateau Havre-de-brume for about a month when the news that Killian and Regina were anxiously awaiting finally arrived.

They were all seated at dinner when his groomsman, formerly his First Mate on board ship, William Smee, whispered in his ear that an urgent message had arrived for him. He replied and returned to the meal and company before him. At the conclusion of the meal, he rose from the table, holding out his hand for Regina to accompany him. He couldn’t help but notice the wide smile on the face of his hostess and the evil smirk he perceived on the downcast profile of his sire as they left the formal dining room.

He hurried her along the hall toward the doors to the gardens. Once they were outside and beyond the hearing of anyone within, he gave a sharp whistle and Smee emerged from the shadows.

“Thank you, Smee,” he said, taking the folded sheet of paper his first mate held out to him. “Stay close for a few moments, please.”

The man bowed. “Y-yes, sir,” he stammered, before withdrawing slightly.

Killian’s eyes scanned over the missive, before he raised his face to look at his companion. “Everything is in readiness.” Regina forcefully released the breath she’d been holding as he read.

She placed her hand on her chest and her eyes fell shut at his news. Killian released a small chuckle. “Smee,” he motioned the other man over, “find the stable master and inform him to be ready at midnight on the morrow. We’re getting away from here.” Smee gave a sharp little bow and scurried away into the night.

“Killian,” she breathed, “I have no words adequate…” she trailed away. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart!” Breaking all decorum, she threw herself into his arms. Killian stumbled back with a small chuckle at her exuberance.

“You are quite welcome, milady,” he replied, releasing her with a small smile. “It does my heart good to have a hand, however small, in someone else's happiness.” His eyes softened as he gazed on the glowing countenance of the woman before him. “Now, as far as the journey is concerned, take with you only what you need for the road. It will take three days hard riding to get to Marseille where my ship is docked. You will need to travel light. We need to get a good head start on your mother. Once she discovers that you’ve gone, she will spare no expense to find you and bring you home.”

“My home is wherever Daniel is,” she interrupted.

He smiled gently at her. “Of course,” he agreed. “Once we’re away from here, we’ll travel along the smuggling lines I use as a pirate captain to get goods sold and delivered on the black market.” Regina’s eyes grew to the size of saucers as he made his revelations. He raised his eyebrow at her. “Part of the dark things I’ve done that could prove advantageous to someone in your situation,” he reminded her, pointedly. Regina’s cheeks flushed red as she looked at the ground.

“Our first stop will be with a, ahh, friend of mine. Her name is Ariel.” Regina couldn’t hide her smirk. “Don’t look at me like that.” He smirked right back at her. “She was once a part of my crew. Until she fell in love with a captured sailor we had on board. She and her husband are now a part of the underground network that I use for smuggling.”

“From there, I’ll send a missive back to the chateau expressing my heartbreak at your betrayal by running away with the stable master. Along with my speculation that you could be trying to escape to Wurtemburg, across the Rhine. That will send her in the opposite direction from where we are traveling and unless she has some kind of connection in England, it wouldn’t occur to her to search for you there. You will be free.”

“We can only hope,” she murmured. “And you can marry us, once we’re out to sea?”

“As Captain of the Jolly Roger, I can indeed, milady,” he assured her, bowing over her hand that he’d taken in his own while he spoke. “And now, it is time for us both to retire. We have much to prepare for our journey.”

“Of course,” she murmured, taking his arm. He led her back inside the chateau and along the corridors until they arrived at her chambers.

“Until tomorrow, Regina.” He bowed low, kissing her hand, before taking his leave as she entered her room.

Walking along the deserted hallways to his own chamber, his mind ran over exactly what the coming days and weeks would hold for him. Getting Regina and Daniel out of France would present no problem. The underground network he spoke of was well tended and quite healthy. They would have access to adequate provisions and be able to rest sufficiently as they made the journey. Once they arrived at the Jolly, it would only take about a week to get to England. A bag of gold and putting them in touch with his contacts in Portsmouth would be more than enough for the young couple to establish a new life for themselves far from Cora and the machinations of Rumplestiltskin. The thought that he had a hand in helping the young people start a better life, a happier life, together lifted the cloak of self-loathing that he still wore, even after all these years. It was another step in the right direction, toward the more honorable life he wanted to live now that he’d found his golden haired Swan. Hopefully, getting Regina out of Rumplestiltskin’s reach and keeping his own distance from the family until Emma had the chance to grow up, would draw the monster away from them and ensure her safety. He would return in a few years to hopefully court and marry Emma. He uttered a quiet prayer for his golden haired Swan and the rest of her family as he crawled into bed.

~*~*~

Paris, January 1794

Killian awoke in the filth of his prison cell within the Bastille with more hope than he had had in a long time. He had arrived back in France last fall and had been arrested for piracy before he ever got to the Chateau Havre-de-brume to ascertain the well being of Emma and her family in the midst of the Reign of Terror.

He had maintained a correspondence with the Vicomtesse over the years ever since that first letter he sent when Regina and Daniel had escaped. Once he had gotten them to safety, he had traveled to the Americas and the Caribbean making even more of a fortune smuggling than he already had. It was through those letters that he knew not only of her heartbreak at Regina’s disappearance and betrayal plus Rumplestilstkin’s desertion, but also the rising danger to the nobility of France. His plan to draw his sire away from the family had obviously been successful. But as the peril mounted over the last few years, and he saw no sign of the monster in any of his travels, he began to suspect that Rumplestiltskin himself was behind the rising threat. He would not be at all surprised if he was the one behind the wholesale slaughter of the nobility for no other reason than to create chaos and mayhem as well as draw himself and possibly Regina out. If he knew his sire, the demon couldn’t abide leaving anyone of the Desmoulins family alive, knowing how much they meant to him. And if he got to kill thousands of others in the process, so much the better.

It was only last fall that he had been able to return to France to try and get the family to the safety of England. He planned to arrive at the chateau and smuggle the family out exactly as he had for Regina and Daniel eight years before. Unfortunately, his arrest had put a stop to those plans. Smee had been fortunate to avoid capture and had been able to keep him apprised of developments in getting Emma and her family out of France. He could have used his powers of persuasion and compulsion on his captors, but if his sire was behind all this, he would be expecting it, first of all, and would be keeping watch on the family in order to capture him again as well as giving him an excuse to kill them all. Keeping himself away from them could only keep them safe, and he could arrange for their escape from here just as well as getting them out himself. Once he received word that the plan was in motion, he would make his escape and meet them at Ariel and Eric’s.

The night before, word had finally come that the family Desmoulins were on their way to safety. When the literal garbage that passed for breakfast was brought to him, he would use his powers to get his guard to open the door of his cell and release him.

Before that happened however, a different set of guards arrived at his cell.

~*~*~

Killian looked around at the room he found himself in when the bag covering his head was removed. It was every bit as splendid as the ballroom in Versailles with gold plating on the walls reflecting the rising sun and rich blue draperies pulled back from the floor to ceiling windows every few feet. An unholy giggle sounded behind him that sent a chill down his spine.

“Leave us.”

He refused to turn. He now knew exactly who was the instigator of the hysteria that had gripped all of France. He now knew the true reason why he had been arrested. He now knew why his eyes had been covered when he was brought here. And he also knew that Rumplestiltskin had brought him here for a reason.

“What? No greeting?” He could hear almost dancing footsteps on the marble floor underneath his feet as his greatest enemy entered his peripheral.

“What is it you want, Crocodile?” he snarled.

“Oh, I think you know the answer to that,” the monster purred. The demon stood before him, no magic disguising his true appearance this time. Another giggle escaped his lips as he backed away. “I wanted to be the one to tell you in person that you are free to go.”

“Free to go, hmm?” he asked. If his hands had been free, he would have made a show of tapping his finger on his chin, just as the demon had done before turning him centuries ago. “Why don’t I believe you?”

Yet another giggle burst from the cursed creature before him. “Because you know me too well, Dearie!” he cackled, clapping his hands delightedly. “Come, come! I want you to see something.”

When he didn’t move, the fiend waved his hand and transported him to the balcony overlooking the guillotine set up in the square. Magic transformed Rumplestiltskin back into the swave, debonair gentleman that he had masqueraded as back at Versailles all those years ago. He took his place at his side and with a loud voice announced that beginning the day's executions would be not just members of the aristocracy, but also criminals caught in the act of trying to protect those traitors. A loud cheer, bordering on madness, rose from the gathered crowd.

Just as when the beast had turned him, he was frozen in place, forced to watch as Smee ascended the platform and was pushed to his knees. He could see silent tears falling down the man's cheeks as his head was placed under the blade. Thankfully, this time, he was able to shut his eyes against the sight of his first mate meeting his end. Some small mercy that he had not received when Liam died.

He opened his eyes again when the cheer rose from the crowd. From where he stood on the balcony, he could see the red cap Smee was never seen without covering the head in the basket. Blood tears filled his eyes as the guilt for his friend’s death crashed down on him. In moments the body had been taken away and Eric and then Ariel were led to take their places under the blade.

Just as he thought he couldn’t take anymore, Henry and then Cora was executed. Cora caught sight of him and Rumplestiltskin and her screams for either one of them to save her filled the square. Killian knew that he would forever be haunted by the abrupt silence when the deadly instrument claimed her life before the crowd erupted again.

Finally, his Emma was led onto the platform. At only 18 years old, she had fully grown into the beauty he had seen only whispers of when he knew her as a child, and that she was just beginning to show when he knew her in London over a century ago. The blood tears trailed down his face as she was forced to her knees and her head placed in position. One last time, he was able to shut his eyes against the horror of his golden haired Swan losing her life to the scourge of the guillotine. His sire was so transfixed by the violence and pandemonium he had fostered, that he seemed oblivious to the small gift Killian had received in being able to close his eyes against the horror before him.

Once his Emma was dead, he was released from his magical imprisonment. He fell to his knees as a keening wail burst from him. He couldn’t lift his eyes to look on the face of his nemesis, but he could feel the rush of magic and see the change in attire on the legs and feet before him.

“Well, that was fun,” the monster quipped, as Killian’s wails began to subside. With a bellowing snarl, Killian lunged for the beast, but the creature disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Alone now in his grief, Killian remained where he was for some time before he was able to pull himself together. He straightened up to his full height and walked from the balcony and down into the square. Iron resolve rose in him to help others get out of France to safety. Since he wasn’t able to save Emma and her family, he would honor her memory by doing everything in his power to thwart Rumplestiltskin and his schemes. If he could help just one, it would be worth it.

And next time, when he recognized the soulmate connection, he’d find her again and never let her go.

~*~*~

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please don’t yell at me too hard. *Runs and hides*

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Making music with bebop gyroids

Musical gyroids galore! Kelly, Ned, Gutsy, Livvy, and Lulu are here with us to enjoy the sunny weather and make some fun musical instruments. The gyroids were designed by Daisy Jane and Kelly with some input from Ned and Goldie - and they look (and sound) so awesome!

It's been so bright and sunny these past couple of days, it feels kinda unusual. Looks like the sunshine's come out early this year! No shorts yet, but we've pulled out the sunglasses, where I finally get to use my new shades Daisy Jane got for me. Pretty and functional is how I like it - though I'm pretty sure that Daisy Jane spent quite a bit on these sunglasses - not that I'm complaining as they're really good at what they're supposed to do. I feel so cool and badass wearing them!

With Livvy home for spring break, she and Gutsy figured, what better place to spend a short vacation than at a camp? Gutsy always wanted to drop by to visit us since we came to Charm Villa to see her a while back. And of course, she had to bring little Lulu along to explore the great outdoors with her. Good thing they chose to come during a campsite event! What better way to be introduced to the camp than a gyroid adventure?

Since the Coloratura Jazz Band Festival last year Kelly and Daisy Jane began working on gyroid designs inspired by the festival. Kelly really has a way with instrument designs, coming up with interesting ideas like an electric cello in the shape of a treble clef or a harpsichord that looks like one of those cool antique desks. That's why gyroid events are so much fun - you can craft so many creative things with them!

Joining Kelly is her best friend Ned, her partner in crime. They've been friends since high school, often attracting trouble although things end up working out in the end. Coincidentally, Kelly's mom is a private investigator and a few years back she worked with Gutsy on a case involving a farm at Cedar Pickett. Kelly and Ned got involved and wound up riding horses along the infamously dangerous canyon trail to catch a criminal. They all remembered each other after all these years as it was an interesting case. It's fascinating how small the world can be sometimes!

Ned, according to Kelly, is a world class baker when it comes to pies. She wasn't exaggerating. He and his dads run a bakery/nightclub called Dub Step Pie Club. Despite the name, it actually looks like a pretty cool place. I should drop by there the next time I visit the island.

At first glance, Kelly and Ned seem like an unlikely duo. In a way, they kinda remind me of Daisy Jane and Almie - the bubbly outgoing one paired with the introverted quiet one. Kelly's the one dragging Ned into her schemes, usually involving her mom's cases. Ned has an unusual connection with the dead, so every once in a while he and Kelly end up with a murder mystery or a ghost with unfinished business. They have a fun dynamic, those two.

In between gyroid hunting sessions, we hung out at the main campsite and did a little baking. Ned taught us how to make pumpkin brownie pecan pie, a specialty at the Dub Step Pie Club. That, along with the cubeyberry pie he brought from home, were some of the best pies I've ever had! Tomorrow we're gonna make peach lolliberry pie, another favorite at the club.

Lulu's so cute when it comes to finding gyroids! Seeing her get excited and waddling around while carrying a gyroid - which looks huge in her little arms - my heart just can't take it! She's also become quite a chatterbox - I love hearing her point out things at the camp and getting excited about everything. Lulu's definitely the type of kid who's not afraid to take a tumble and get her hands dirty. It's so cool to see more of her personality come out, especially now that she's talking. If Lulu keeps this up, I'm pretty sure Kelly's gonna straight up die of cuteness before the end of this event.

Livvy has been enjoying the great outdoors, especially after a stressful couple of weeks at school. She's a business major with a minor in humanities - the latter which kinda happened and she decided to go along with it because, why not? It's more work, but she's not complaining too much because she enjoys the classes. Since going off to college, Livvy started a study/productivity vlog called coffeelivvy, where she posts about study tips as well aesthetic and practical notes. I enjoy watching her videos while journaling, especially her plan with me bullet journal videos.

Gutsy's been busy with Lulu and the cafe. She's into making bread these days so later this week we're gonna make baguettes, which sounds fun! I'll admit, the process of making bread - as in with yeast and proofing and such - sounds kinda intimidating, but with a pro like Gutsy, the process seems less daunting. Since working at the cafe, Gutsy found out that she has a knack for baking as well as making latte art. So along with some decadent pies, we also got to enjoy lattes with the pretty milk foam designs - a winning combo that's perfect for a camping event!

Kelly's on spring break too, a well deserved vacation after a busy semester. She reminds me of Alex and Claire, being the kind of person who does a lot of extracurriculars and manages to be on top of everything academically. Along with being in the Coloratura Jazz Band, Kelly's also a volunteer of the Asian Pride Film Festival, a video editor for Leicester Academy Theater, an RA, and captain of the badminton team. She also plans to take summer classes and go to Amsterdam for the the fall term, graduating in the winter.

Ned, of course, is managing the bakery of Dub Step Pie Club while juggling classes at Seashore Path. After taking a year off due to burnout, he returned for the spring semester, changing his major from English to business marketing. So far Ned finds his second go of college much less stressful than when he first enrolled, which is great to hear. I hope things turn out better for him this time around.

While collecting gyroids at Lost Lure Creek, we ended up taking a detour through the acorn trail. It's one of many places I haven't got to exploring yet so it was the perfect opportunity to finally check it out. Kelly took a bunch of pics of the trees with its warm autumnal colors. This area of the woods looks like it's fall all year round and it looks so pretty! And of course, the trees are full of cute little acorns that we had to take back to the camp.

Later on, while crafting gyroid furniture, we painted the acorns. It's been a long while since I've painted so naturally I was a little rusty at first. The idea for a painting session came about when Kelly mentioned that she and a friend led a Bob Ross style painting event at their dorm building that everyone enjoyed. Peaches and Lolly just bought some new paints so it was the perfect opportunity to try them out. I think my favorite is the acrylic gouache - something about painting with them is so satisfying to me.

Then we hung out at the beach, collecting shells, sea glass, and gyroids. Although it's bright and sunny out, it's not warm enough to go swimming yet. It was nice sitting out there under the warm sun, just hanging out with friends. We also did some fishing, catching some tuna that we later made into poke bowls for dinner. And for dessert, we had cubeyberry pie paired with a bottle of peach wine, courtesy of Gulliver.

Before heading back to the main camp, we dropped by the hangout sites to collect more gyroids before calling it a day. Lulu enjoyed helping out campers by bringing them fruit. I love seeing her chatter away to the campers and talking about fruit. Gutsy says that Lulu isn't afraid of strangers, which we clearly saw as she approached everyone she met. She's a little handful, keeping Gutsy and Livvy on their toes! I swear, you blink for less than a second and next thing you know, Lulu's run clear across the camp and trying to climb a tree or get into the water.

At some point, we got into an impromptu musical session starting with Kelly on the drums. Then Ned joined in with maracas, Livvy and Friga on guitar, Benedict on double bass, Soleil on keyboards, me on the toy piano, and Gutsy and Daisy Jane on percussion. Lulu was so cute dancing along to the music! I think we made a pretty good band - it sure helped passed the time while waiting for the gyroid stuff to be built!

Today we crafted the harpsichord, a galaxy themed dulcimer/synth, and a star shaped hybrid of a ukulele and violin. Like I said earlier, the designs of these instruments are amazing! Plus, they sound fantastic! We had so much fun making music - I can't wait to build more stuff and create even more music!

[soiruntotheriver]

(9) In summary, when things get hard, does Silver go back to what he knows: being out for himself, lost in creating his “perfect” life, even if it means losing the person who loves him/he loves, all stemming from his repression in realizing his feelings, in repressing his past, an inability to stand being truly seen, and therefore an inability in being an honest, equal partner?

 Alright, my dude, you’ve got me doing a deep dive on this one haha. I actually went back and re-watched the last three episodes and took notes to sort all this out in my head. Hopefully it all makes sense. This is all about Flint and Silver’s motivations and the actions they take to achieve their goals towards the end of the series. It’s gonna be a long one, so buckle in. As Jack Rackham once said: “Please forgive me, I will go on from time to time, but generally in the service of thoroughness...” I’m gonna post this under the last of your asks, as I believe it addresses most of your points. If I leave anything out please let me know.

Alright so, *crack knuckles* here we go: 

For context: Rackham and Max have gone to create an alliance with Marion Guthrie in Philadelphia, Billy has gone to Rogers to show him how to divide Flint from Silver, and Madi has been taken prisoner. 

Early in episode 8 we get the first of a number of similar conversations between Silver and Flint concerning the war. This one has Silver asking what’s going to happen after their current conflict. He points out that any time Nassau hasn’t had a someone to lead/support it (Eleanor, Rackham, Rogers) it becomes a place of horrors. If this is meant to be a period of transition, what’s on the other side? Something better, something meaningful? He asks:

‘But what if it isn't? What if the result of this war isn't beyond the horror, what if it is the horror itself. Have you given this any thought at all?’

To which Flint replies that to be rid of England and fashion something else, he knows that they will have to go through a period of darkness and seeming hopelessness. But that he has to believe that it will be worth it and that progress is possible. Silver responds by saying that’s a lot of potential suffering to wager on blind faith. Flint assures that with the right people in place they can get through it. He also states that those people are meant to be Madi and Silver, and that Madi is just as important to realizing their goals as the cache.

So Silver agrees to try Flint’s plan to retrieve Madi, but he still brings the treasure along just in case this all goes sideways. And it does. Rogers just starts shooting people willy-nilly which even Flint seems surprised about. Just as Rogers is about to blow Madi’s head off, Silver shows him the chest and next thing we know we’re on our way to Skeleton Island to make the exchange. On the way there Flint yells at Silver about how he’s just given Julius more leverage against the cause and crippled the war effort. Silver retorts by telling Flint that they’ll make do somehow and demands his support in this venture. He points out the numerous times he’s helped Flint even though he didn’t necessarily understand or agree with him.

‘My god. The number of times I have followed you blindly, backed you with the men blindly, put men in the fucking ground…good men! Friends! Because you said, “I know the way. "Don’t ask me how. Just do as I say.”’

Silver asks again if Flint will support him and Flint answers: “Yes.”

Shortly after this we have two great conversations happening in parallel: Silver with Hands and Flint with Dooley. Hands tries to convince Silver that Flint is Bad and must be killed. Silver asserts that he trusts Flint. Hands says that a crown can’t be split two ways and that he knows that Silver actually wants Flint dead, he just doesn’t know how to ask for it. To which Silver responds:

‘Hear me very clearly, there is no hidden message and no equivocation, you will make no move against him, you will not speak of doing so to any man on this crew nor to me again. Do it, and you'll answer for it.’

Meanwhile, Flint is telling the legend of skeleton island to Dooley in order to bring up the subject of men loosing their wits. He asserts that he believes Silver is compromised and so he (Flint) finds himself in need of a new partner. Dooley agrees and they go to fetch the gold, almost getting killed by another crew member in the process. They are saved by Hands who tells Flint he wants them to go ahead and take the treasure so that Silver will see Flint’s true colors. The end of the episode has Silver witnessing this betrayal and deciding to send men out after Flint, ostensibly to kill him, though I think he knew those men were not a match for Flint and really just wanted to find out where he was going so that he could get the treasure back.

In a fit of true diabolical evil, our writers chose to follow up this last scene from episode 8 by opening episode 9 with the first flashback of Flint and Silver’s fencing lessons. I literally said “Oh, no” to myself several times aloud as I watched Silver climb that hill to the bluffs. 

Now these are lovely scenes I could go on about forever, but the most important takeaway for me right now, is that Flint realizes he doesn’t know anything about Silver’s past. Silver says that his past isn’t important. Flint argues that that’s not true. From Flint’s perspective, he’s revealed himself to Silver, given him his history, which defines him, and also the tools Silver needs to guess at Flint’s future actions. Flint goes on to insinuate that Silver wormed his way into Flint’s story by comparing himself to Flint’s former ill-fated partners. That he did this in order to use Flint’s affection for him to make it more difficult for Flint to act against him later. Silver is disquieted by Flint calling his bluff and seems thrown by that last comment in particular, mostly because I don’t think Silver consciously meant to manipulate him that way at all. Flint says he’s not angry with him but Silver is too overwhelmed to continue. He asks if it’s okay if they resume tomorrow, and flees.

I want to revisit the fireside chat here for a moment in order to point out that Silver was, in fact, already very deeply in the story by that point, a story he’d been made a part of largely against his will (by his injury, by Flint’s machinations, by Billy, etc.). In regards to Silver’s motivations during that conversation, I always assumed them to be exactly what they seemed to be: He wanted to understand why Flint was so driven to wage war and he wanted to voice a real, actual warning that he himself might prove to be Flint’s undoing. Flint responds in a way that makes me think he either A. didn’t think Silver would betray him or B. he didn’t think that Silver could get the better of him.

This is an important moment of dissonance between them, because it repeats itself in the sword lesson flashback: Silver asks if Flint is worried about the fact that he’s essentially teaching Silver to best him in combat and Flint waves him off with a smile, saying he’ll take his chances.

The most significant moment within the flashbacks comes when Silver finally finds the words to outline his philosophy and frame his decision not to share his past. I actually think this scene gives Flint all he needs to know about Silver as a person (in terms of being able to anticipate Silver’s future actions), though I’m not sure in that moment he could really wrap his head around it. Knowing the details of Silver’s past are not necessary when you realize that they did, in fact, define him and one can use that knowledge to recognize the ways in which they shape his future decisions.

Silver maintains that he is not trying to hide anything, he merely absolved himself from the obligation of finding any relevance in his own story because there is no coherence, ‘nor sense, nor grace’ to be found in life. But more than that it’s because he’s experienced ‘events some of which no one could divine any meaning from, other than the world is a place of unending horrors.’ He says that Flint knows of him all that’s relevant to be known and swears that Flint has his true friendship. He asks if it is enough for there to be trust between them and Flint, not quite sure what to make of all this, answers by resuming their lesson.

Intermixed with these flashbacks are our real-time scenes, some of which I want to touch on to check in on Silver and Flint’s states of mind. As Silver and Hands pursue Flint in the forest, Hands asserts that he believes Silver will keep finding reasons to forget everyone’s warnings about Flint. He also mentions when Silver tells the men to split up to find Flint that he’s sending at least one group of them to their deaths. Hands makes a point of saying that Silver’s decision here shows that he’s learned a lot from Flint. Aka, Silver is willing to sacrifice other’s lives to reach his own ends. Silver seems uncomfortable with the comparison, likely because he sees the truth in it. Silver’s desire to not be like Flint is very important in the final moments of the show and will come again up later. Silver admits to Hands that he’s not sure if Flint actually wants to save Madi for the sake of it or if it’s just part of his larger machinations. It’s key to note that Silver’s trust in Flint is degrading further. Both because of Silver’s inherent pessimism, and because of Flint’s own actions. 

Meanwhile, Flint and Dooley are doubling back to the chest after having chucked it over an embankment to throw Silver’s party off their scent. Dooley essentially tries to convince Flint that Silver might become a liability. Flint defends Silver but Dooley’s like, yeah, but if it comes to it I’ll kill him for you. The look on Flint’s face clearly shows how not okay he is with the thought of Silver dying, but he keeps his reservations to himself for now. At this point, it is important to acknowledge that neither Silver nor Flint wants the other dead. They are both still trying to outmaneuver each other in order to reach their goals.

Silver finally catches up to Flint which leads us to another Important Conversation wherein Silver states that if the war were to continue it would be just like this, forever - lies, betrayals, death. He also tells Flint that he understands Flint’s motivations more fully now because he’s suffered a similar loss. When Madi was presumed dead, he wanted to give her sacrifice meaning by waging battles in her name. But he says that underneath that desire was the thing that Flint himself taught him to recognize: rage. In a very Miranda moment, Silver tells Flint that part of what drives him is wanting to watch the world burn. This is another way in which Silver does not want to be like Flint. 

After this is a deeply depressing flashback wherein Silver is trying to explain his relationship with Flint to Madi by saying: ‘I have earned his respect, after all the tragedies that man has suffered (...) I have earned his trust, I have his true friendship. And so he's going to have mine. And as long as that is true, I cannot imagine what is possible.’ And all of our hearts break a little to think of what could’ve been. Because, as I mentioned before, Silver no longer believes he can trust Flint and so he no longer has faith in their friendship.

The episode ends with Rogers blowing up the Walrus which puts a hold on Flint and Silver’s duel and forces them to ally once again with Rackham. Flint makes a little speech about how their priority is to rescue Madi and tells Jack he’s taking over command of the ship to facilitate that end. The next episode starts with Silver questioning Flint’s motives, sure that he’s only placating John whilst continuing his scheming. Flint throws him by offering a very candid and heartfelt reply about how he isn’t sure he wouldn’t have acted exactly as Silver had if it were Thomas’s life on the line. He states that he meant it when he promised he’d see John through this and still wants to put things back together. Silver is visibly torn over whether or not he believes what Flint is saying.

Alright, we can now fast forward to the Final Confrontation. Flint, realizing that something has passed between Silver and Jack that smacks of betrayal, halts their trek through the woods in order to question Silver about it. Silver can’t bring himself to lie. He asks Flint how much more ‘measuring of lives and loves and spirits’ there will be ‘so that they may be wagered in the grand game. How many casualties can be tolerated for the cause, how much loss?’  So it’s not just Madi’s life he’s concerned for, not just his own or Flint’s. He mentions the men, women, and children who have already died for this, who will continue to die for this. And he cannot see where the line might be, because Flint has yet to draw one - this is a man who frequently endangers himself, killed his best friend, sacrificed crew members, murdered innocent civilians, and has no qualms betraying his allies. I think Silver legitimately believes that Flint will stop at nothing. That’s why it’s not a war to Silver, not like any other, instead it’s a ‘fucking nightmare.’ 

When Flint insists that Silver stopping the war will mean that they will have been for nothing, that this is how the powers-that-be win, that they’ll be distorted to fit false narratives, Silver asserts that he doesn’t care. I personally don’t find this surprising at all, given how little Silver cares about his own personal narrative. I also don’t think that Silver Doesn’t Care At All, it just means that he doesn’t care enough for it to change his mind. I mean he’s lost a leg for these people, risked his life and freedom for this cause, allowed himself to be molded into a better partner for Flint. When Silver opened himself up to a partnership/friendship with Flint and later to a partnership/romance with Madi, he was choosing to allow meaning back into his life. He became a part of a story. But he’s not totally invested in the story itself. He’s mostly just invested in the people in it. Because what does it matter what strangers say after he’s dead? Life up to this point has been about grabbing onto whatever you can in the moment and enjoying it until it is inevitably taken away from you. Experience has relentlessly taught him to have low expectations. So while I think he cares about his relationship with Flint, is proud of what they were able to achieve together, would like to change the world for the better, and wants to be worthy of Madi, none of those goals/states of being are as achievable to him in this moment as ending the war. 

I’m not sure that Silver believes that a “good life” with Madi is possible after this - Flint points out that she won’t forgive him for taking the war away and I think Silver knows that’s true - but he’s willing to go for some kind of reconciliation at least. I also don’t think Silver is factoring a post-conflict relationship with Flint in at all - as far as he’s concerned either Flint will be safe somewhere far away with Thomas or Silver will be forced to kill him. 

This leads us up to the ending. I personally don’t believe that Silver killed Flint. I feel that’s an important distinction to make when trying to make sense of Silver’s decisions. I won’t go into all the reasons I believe this, in the interests of keeping this thing under ten thousand words, but I will mention a few. 

Firstly, as I mentioned above, I think that Silver honestly didn’t want to turn into Flint. When Madi say she thinks he’s lying about not murdering Flint, Silver says that he’s not the villain she fears he is, he’s not him. I think this is in reference to Flint killing his friends to further his goals. I also believe that Silver thought that giving Thomas back to Flint was the key to Madi’s forgiveness and so I think he would have done it for real in case she ever checked up on it. However, I do also think that Silver embellished the story of Flint’s reunion with Thomas. What parts were true and which were false, who can say? He just sounds like he’s dressing up the story a bit, both for Madi’s sake and for his own. 

The second main reason why I think Silver’s story checks out actually involves Rackham. Jack tells Marion Guthrie that Flint has retired. Why would he lie about that when telling her Flint was dead would more thoroughly assuage her concerns? He mentions that Flint retiring was a better story to sell the Maroons, but at this point, the treaty has already been signed, so why keep up the fiction?

The third and most tenuous thought I have about it is that Silver uses his “I’ll wait a day, a week...” etc. line on Madi because it actually worked previously on Flint. Maybe some of Flint’s anguish in the woods is over the fact that he’s going to do what Silver’s asking him to do. Maybe he doesn’t want Silver to have to kill him so he gives in and gives up his war.

In conclusion, and to answer one of your questions directly, I think that characterizing Flint as someone who just wants to sate his rage is just as limiting as characterizing Silver as someone who just wants to take the easy way out. And I think that saying that Flint’s motives for reforming the world were noble is as incomplete as saying that Silver just wanted to save the ones he loved at the cost of everything else. All of those things, and more, are simultaneously true. 

For me, Flint and Silver were both bad men and good men. Both had room to grow. Both made choices for each other. Both manipulated each other and made mistakes. Both were forced to make quick decisions under enormous amounts of pressure. They were both angry and afraid and courageous and loyal and deceitful and kind. They were both very very human. 

It might not seem like it, but I’m more of a Flint irl. Maybe that’s why I’ve tried so hard to understand Silver, because his motivations were a bit more foreign to me at first. I’ve come to love and sympathize with both of them - which is why I continue to talk about them incessantly and devour fan works - especially the ones that get these two to finally work out their issues. If you’re ever looking for fic recs, btw, please do let me know. A lot of this meta is fleshed out beautifully in fan fiction. And those authors say it more profoundly and elegantly than I could ever hope to. 

[only-ra9-can]

Platovember Prompt 6

Warmth

I wrote a little something about Detroit: Become Human! Check it out if that’s what you’re into! (You can also read it on AO3 if you want :) ) Enjoy the show!

Darkness. The void of thought was swallowed in darkness.

Silence. Everything against his wishes was filled with silence.

Emptiness. The hands before him and the mind in his head were consumed by emptiness.

This was depravity, in every sense of the word. Not that that was an unfamiliar topic for Hank.

Almost as soon as the sensation began, it was shattered. A tiny light shone in the distance, the blackness nearly taking over its glimmer. It was spinning, spinning, spinning... red. Bright, harsh red.

A whimper then broke him out of his study. The sound was far off, and it echoed off the edges of the chasm, but it was enough to cause his feet to move.

Thoughts and voices were suddenly ambushing his head. So many mixed thoughts, so many rushed voices, the loudest though seeming to say protect.

Hank hurried off towards the direction of... whatever this was. No matter how fast he ran, he didn’t seem to be making any ground. How was he ever supposed to make it to—

“—ank?”

He froze, only for a moment. He knew that voice anywhere. He’d be damned if he didn’t.

“H-Hank?”

Connor.

The man gritted his teeth, and he continued his sprint. The voice was growing more desperate. He needed to help. He needed to.

As he got closer to his destination, Hank realized with a shiver down his spine that the circling light was only becoming gradually brighter. He had to get there, and fast.

He dropped to his knees once the whites of Connor’s glassy eyes were in view. His stomach churned when he slid a little on the enormous puddle of thirium covering the floor—or lack there of? That didn’t matter. Connor mattered.

“Connor! Connor, can you hear me, son?”

“...H-Hank,” the android groaned, eyes half-lidded and mouth slightly agar. His breaths were long and shallow. They sounded painful to Hank’s ears.

“I’m here. I’m here. What’s wrong?”

Eerily spontaneously, Connor’s eyes shot wide open, looking directly into Hank’s, piercing through his soul, and filling with thick, deep blue liquid.

“You’re too late, Lieutenant,” he accused. “You weren’t good enough, and now you’re too late.”

“No no no, we’re gonna fix you up. I’ll fix you, and then you’ll be fine, and I promise, Connor—”

“No. It’s over. You can’t just... fix me! I’m not just... just some little toy you can play with and put back together—”

“Of course not, Con—”

“NO! I’m not just a machine! I can’t just be fixed! After all, I’m human now, aren’t I?”

A lopsided smile revealed blue-stained teeth. Surrounded by the darkness, he looked so much smaller than the capable prototype that the man knew. Hank swore, with everything in him, that when he looked down at Connor’s eyes now, he saw the wide, terrified eyes of his first son.

“And humans can’t be fixed, Lieutenant.”

Connor coughed, the sound sharp and wet, as thirium spilled from his mouth. It poured out endlessly, morbidly reminding Hank of that trip to Niagara Falls. Connor just lied there, half propped-up with his own arm, as gallons and gallons of liquid splashed to the ground.

Hank hated every second of it. His instincts kicked in, and he reached for his partner to help stabilize him. With a breath catching in his throat, he watched as his hand passed right through Connor’s shoulders.

“Lieutenant, you can’t,” he somehow choked out. “You can’t, Hank.”

He was just an onlooker. There was absolutely nothing Hank could do but watch helplessly as the android suffered.

“Hank... please. Please help! It hurts!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing it all to go away.

“Hank! I can’t— it hurts! Please!”

In the midst of the pleading cries, another voice—a smaller, more far-off voice—reverberated against the walls of Hank’s mind.

Daddy? It hurts! I’m scared.

“I’m scared!”

“It’s going to be okay, son,” he found himself saying. “Just hold on!”

“It hurts! I’m scared! Please, Hank! I can’t die. I don’t want to die! I’m scared! PLEASE!”

“Connor!”

“Hank? Hank!”

“No no no I can’t lose you too. I’ve got you, I’ve got...”

“Come on, wake up. Please!”

Eyes flying open, Hank awoke with a gasp of the cold night’s air. He searched the room frantically until he found who he was looking for. Connor was sitting right in front of him, holding him by the shoulders at arm’s length, and watching with a complicated expression.

“Can you hear me, Lieutenant,” he asked in a calm, careful tone.

“Can I hear you? I can hear you just fine! Can you hear me?”

Connor’s face scrunched up. “I’m afraid I don’t understand...”

“It’s gonna be okay, alright? Just hold on.” In his delirious state, Hank pushed Connor’s hands away and fumbled towards the lamp on the side of his bed before he finally lit the bedroom with a dull, warm glow. While he took in the image before him and felt for injuries, he said, “I’m gonna fix this. Where does it hurt?”

“I’m alright. Nothing hurts.”

“But...” He stammered, “but you just—”

“It was a dream, Lieutenant. There’s no need for you to fix anything. I’m alright.”

Hank wasn’t a crier. Not by any means. But in that moment, as much as he hated it, a wave of relief crashed over him and caused a few tears to spill. None of it was real. Connor was okay. No one was dying today. With that in mind, he let the water drip down his face.

“I’m alright.”

“Connor,” he croaked. He gasped again at the gravity of it all, trying to fill his lungs with painful breaths of air. His eyes were wide and frantic. His hands shook from where they gripped onto his nightshirt. Warning signs appeared in Connor’s peripherals.

LUNGS

Increased breath rate

Hyperventilation imminent

HEART

Increased heart rate

54% above normal BPM

HAND AND ARM MUSCLES

Psychogenic tremors

ANXIETY ATTACK SUSPECTED

Connor grimaced. It was nothing he hadn’t dealt with in the field before, but he hated that it had to be Hank going through it. It was... something he couldn’t exactly describe. Sympathy? Guilt? Heartbreak?

CHOOSE APPROACH

Of course, Connor had the ability to handle situations such as this. He was equipped to deal with the challenges of human emotions. But this? This was different. Hank wasn’t just another set of human emotions. He was, for lack of better terms, something else.

So he tossed aside is programming’s suggestions. Being The Negotiator wasn’t going to be the best course of action. He decided he would go with his gut, as Hank seemed to call it.

He reached out, hesitating with his arms out awkwardly, before fully committing. Connor pulled Hank into a tentative embrace, staying there frozen until he got some sort of response.

The man in his arms seemed to have the same reaction. He sniffled once before whispering, “Connor?”

They stayed there for a moment, the air heavy with something that neither of them could quite place. Connor pulled away, just enough to look the man in front of him in the eye.

“I thought it would help,” the android tried to explain, his gazed shifting to the mattress. “Physical contact often helps in dealing with emotional trauma, and I thought it might do you some good, especially seeing how I was... likely the center of the problem. I was just trying to—”

Hank pulled him back in full force. Connor yelped in surprise. The former held the latter fiercely, and Connor, slowly but surely, wrapped his arms into a hug. A real hug this time, reminding him of that snowy day after the revolution.

It was warm, Connor decided, in every sense of the word. Even as the lieutenant let out the last of his tears, the deviant’s lips curled into a small smile.

“Do you...” he started, finally listening to something in his software. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Hank hummed over his shoulder. “It’s nothing,” he settled for. “You’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

Something still wasn’t quite right though, Connor realized. Hank still hadn’t relaxed. Not really. Connor wondered if he could be the source of the issue.

“Pump and regulator are fully functional,” he started. “Ventilation is normal, as well as BPM and thirium levels. No abnormalities have been detected in my systems. I’m okay, Hank. I promise.”

Hank took a deep breath. He sat up while Connor put a stabilizing hand on Hank’s shoulder, a position usually assumed by the human of the two. When he looked up, he was pleased to find a calm, pale blue LED, and he finally let himself believe.

The tension melted from his form with a heavy sigh.

“That’s um... that’s good. Sorry.”

“Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for.” Connor pinched his brows and seemed genuinely confused.

He thought. “I should’ve bothered ya. You shouldn’t be worrying about my fucked up mind. It’s none of your business.”

“You aren’t bothering me. I was designed to reactivate from stasis if something is deemed important to my mission. I simply wanted to make sure you were alright.” Connor shook his head with a smile. “And besides, you know your well-being comes as I higher concern to me than my own.”

It shouldn’t sat on the tip of his tongue, but Hank kept quiet. He knew how resilient Connor could be, and he sure as hell knew he wasn’t going to win that fight.

Besides, Hank didn’t think he wanted to fight. Not really. Not when the kid’s words caused a piece of him that had been dormant for years to bubble to the surface.

“Your business is my business. We’re partners.”

“Well, I’m still sorry, but...” Hank shrugged and grinned for the first time that night. “I appreciate it, son. I really do.”

The two both knew what he meant.

“Thank you, Lieutenant.”

“What for?”

Connor paused. “For your cooperation?” Hank raised an eyebrow. “...and for, you know, everything.”

Hank almost laughed. Connor was saying thank you? To him? Did he have no idea how much he had done for him? Did he not know that he had changed his life for the better? Did he not know that he was the reason he was still standing?

And, well, Hank wasn’t really sure how to express all of those thoughts. Especially in the middle of the night after all that had just taken place.

“Yeah, you’re not that bad yourself,” he settled for, a wide smile spreading across his features. In a quick moment, Connor caught the glint in Hank’s eyes.

Warmth, his sensors reminded him. It glowed inside of him and filled him with this... feeling. Perhaps it was what humans described as love.

Connor liked love, he decided then and there. Maybe being human wasn’t all that bad.

Hope you guys liked it! :)

[gins-potter]

TV Guide Article

So I had a lot of fun running down what happened in the teaser and thinking about what it means for the new seasons, so I thought I would do something similar for the tv guide article that came out a couple days ago.  Thoughts and musings under the cut because it got long:

Chicago Fire

“We are going to reflect what the world is like in 2020 for Chicago firefighters, pandemic and all” so that’s pretty blatant that we’re going to get covid-19 storylines in some regard on Fire.  Maybe Stellaride is the couple who have to quarantine together (again i heard that was going to be upstead but am not sure if that’s confirmed or not).

“[Brett] becomes a mentor to young medic Gianna Macket, who grew up in the same rough South Chicago neighborhood as firefighter Joe Cruz” hopefully is Brett is becoming a mentor to Gianna that means they’ll be friendly pretty quickly, I’m not a massive fan of drama within company’s.  I do love that the new girl might already know Cruz going into the house (altho they lowkey missed the chance for a cross-show dynamic, because I think the Halstead bros also grew up on the south side?)

“Look for Brett and Macket to quickly find themselves in harrowing circumstances, Haas reveals: ‘Don’t miss the premiere’s last 10 seconds’“ so we’re gonna have a cliff hanger in 9x01 which is interesting.  Usually they leave that sort of thing for the season finale, altho they could be making up for the one we didn’t get in s8.

“Brett could experience a new partner in her personal life as well.  Will she begin a serious romance with smitten Captain Matt Casey?  The first two episodes will tell.” Well, there it is Brettsey fans.  We’ll know if our ship’s setting sail by 9x02.  The use of the word smitten is giving me hope, along with the knowledge that they’ve been building this ship for two seasons.  Hopefully they don’t back out in the last second.

“Firefighter Stella Kidd heads in a new direction when Chief Wallace Boden asks her to take the lieutenant’s exam.  Her ambition could cause tension between her and boyfriend Lt. Kelly Severide.”  I’m down for Lieutenant Stella Kidd, but not down for tension between her and Kelly.  Happy Stellaride all of s8 was amazing and I don’t want trouble now.  If she does get her bugles (if i’m using that phrase right) I wonder where she’ll go since all the Lt spots are full, but she could pull a Herrmann and just stick around until something opens up and fill in when she’s needed.  I’m a tiny bit worried they’re gearing up to write one of our Lt’s out, but I’m hoping I’m very wrong.

“’Ritter has an epic rescue coming up,’ says Haas, ‘and he might be taking a break from [his boyfriend]’” Yay epic rescue, boo break from his boyfriend (unless that means Ritter/Gallo in that case I’d totally be here for it).

“While Gallo’s effort to woo EMT Violet Lin fizzled” rip, I wasn’t a massive fan of Violet/Gallo but sad to see her go cause she was a badass paramedic.

“[Gallo] now faces an even bigger challenge: impressing his boss, Captain Casey. ‘Especially,’ warns Haas, ‘if he decides to cowboy a call instead of following orders.’“ I’ve seen the theory that Gallo cowboying a call is what puts Brett and Gianna in danger and Casey loses his shit and it leads to Brettsey and honestly?  I’m here for it.

Chicago PD

“... new Deputy Superintendent Samantha Miller who arrives in Chicago with an intense police reform agenda, in a story inspired by the country’s current movement.  ‘Miller wants to abolish the ‘warrior-cop’ mentality and help Hank Voight and Intelligence adapt to the new reality’ says exec producer Rick Eid.... Facing hostility from the community and scrutiny from his bosses, Voight must assess whether, indeed, ‘he’s part of the problem of part of the solution’.” Honestly this type of storyline is long overdue and I really hope they’re committed to following it through.  Because we’ve seen them explore themes of ‘reform’ in the past but they never seem to stick.  I think if cop shows want to stick around they need to take a hard stance against police brutality in their story telling and be willing to be critical of their own main characters.  It’s not enough anymore to see the characters stand up against other racist cops, they now need to look at how their own policing has been racist.  It won’t make PD a completely unproblematic show (and I don’t know if there can be a completely unproblematic cop show) but it will be a step in the right direction.

“While the unit lost undercover specialist Vanessa Rojas at the end of last season...” so, did I miss this happening?  I assumed Lisseth would come back for 8x01 to write off her character but this makes it sound like she isn’t.  Which has me confused because I’m pretty sure they haven’t given her a proper exit yet, but maybe I’ve just forgotten about it.  The fact that they specified she’s an undercover specialist makes me think she’s just going to disappear and they’ll throw out a single line about how she’s gone undercover for another unit.

“Upton’s chemistry with Det. Jay Halstead did not weaken during her absence, but both know the complications of dating colleague.”  this ain’t gonna be a smooth ride to canon Upstead, me think.

“As do officers AdamRuzek and Kim Burgess, still mourning her miscarriage.  ‘It’s become an emotional impediment to their relationship,’ Eid says. ‘They have an unbreakable bond, but are they better off as friends?’“ Fuck off Eid, and just let them get back together already.  That’s all I have to say on that.

“Intelligence’s Kevin Atwater has his own troubles - with members of the force.  After breaking the ‘blue wall of silence’ by testifying that racist cop Tom Doyle was killed in crossfire after racially profiling an innocent Black man, Doyle’s connect friends and family want vindication.” This storyline coupled with the new superintendent sets up a very interesting season.  But I will say this, they better let Kevin Atwater carry this season, because it is his time and he deserves the spotlight.

Chicago Med

“The stories on Med’s sixth season will consider how first responders have been impacted by the coronavirus.  But while the docs at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center will see covid-19 patients, ‘we focus more on how other types of cases are treated in this new environment’ exec producer Diane Frolov says.” this is an interesting way to do covid storylines and i’m interested to see where it goes.  clearly none of the shows are shying away from the current state of the world which i’m personally fine with, but can understand why some people don’t like.  tv is a form of escapism for a lot of people, but personally i enjoy when tv shows aren’t scared to go there and get real with certain subject.

“Amid all this, Dr James Lanik quits as emergency department chief (but stays with the hospital)” rip bye Lanik, can’t say I’ll overly miss you.  I find it interesting that they specify that he’s not leaving the hospital though.  I wonder if that means we’ll see him in another position.

“...and a main character is unexpectedly named to the position.”  I feel like it might be Ethan, because iirc Will is running some sort of clinical trial or something?  And being a surgeon I doubt it can be Marcel.  Nat’s lower than Ethan in terms of hierarchy I think so I don’t think it’ll be her, but maybe that’s the unexpected part.  Ethan or Nat for the position would be my guess.

“‘There’s always a push-pull between Dr Ethan Choi and Nurse April Sexton, but deep feelings remain on each side,’” guess we shouldn’t give up on Sextoi just yet.  pretty ambivalent on them these days which is a shame cause i used to really like them.

“trauma surgeon Crockett Marcel and Dr Natalie Manning have drawn closer since Marcel opened up about the loss of his child.” okay this is the one thing I’m actually interesting in seeing in s6.  Not a massive Marcel fan but I liked the storyline about his past (not liked as in glad he’s gone through shit but liked as in it made him slightly more sympathetic to me).  I’m also curious to see where this thing with Nat goes.  Especially because I swear I saw a lingering glance between her and Will at Maggie’s wedding.  I smell a love triangle?  Love quadrangle perhaps if April’s still into Marcel?  Love pentagon, if Ethan’s still into April?  Goodness.

“...and Dr Will Halstead, who’s tapped to supervise a clinical trial on a new heart disease medication, is still entangled with ob-gyn Hannah Asher.  Whether Halstead should trust the recovering addict is still to be determined.” yup knew Will had some other big thing going on this season.  Don’t need the Asher relationship stuff tho.  Sorry Jessy Schram, I’m sure you’re lovely but you can leave now.  That being said if they pull a Bekker level stunt and have her go batshit in order to write her off, I will actually lose my shit.

And there we have it.  All my thoughts on some pretty big scoops for the new seasons and what I think might happen.

[himbo-buckley]

Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 4

Ciao, ragazzi,

i bims, die Kriz and I will be your tourguide today. (Yes, we’re on first name basis now, congratulations, kid, ya’ll earned it!)

Okay, so I rewrote this intro like 5 times by now. 3B has been so hard on me in a way that the rest hasn’t been. While I was writing 3A I had so many thoughts and ideas and conclusions from the get go, my main worry was to fit it all in and to make it coherent. And it took me a while to get there with 3B - but don’t worry, my friends, I did not disappoint and it is just as long as part 3, despite Tim Minear   personally coming to my home and vibe checking me for saying he had daddy issues. Which is fair, tbh. Sorry bro, I’ll stop calling you out like that. (No, I won’t.)

Also if you need a „quick“ refresher of what happened so far or you just forgot, here are:

part one - part two - part three

And also, the usual spiel:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FIVE parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season, and have it organised by episode so you could technically follow along (which is still true), but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 had exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in three parts - there is part 3 which ends with the Christmas Episode, part 4 which spans what aired of 3B so far and the final part 5 which will include the final and my conclusion, if by then I am able to form thoughts again / still

Alright you guys, drumrolls please: part 4 (also called „*butterfly meme* Is this growth?“)

Episode 3.11:

I wanna be honest with ya’ll, Season 3B is sort of a mixed bag for me, because while yes, all the episodes have been great viewed separately, they just feel so … separate from each other, and with 3A having so many episode-spanning arks, it’s a bit of a letdown to return to the standalone episode format. Especially because it makes the whole two steps forward one step back thing so much more apparent as it feels like what happens in one episode has no consequence for the next. It felt a little like they burned through too much in 3A already and didn’t know where to go from there. Which is also true for me, so maybe I should stop judging.

Anyways, I’ll stop bringing the house down now.

Let’s continue with: Don’t you just love stan-ing two adorable, complicated badass firefighters? Yeah, me too.

Also, I wanna see the Doc again. Tim, can we? He could be friends with Frank? We could see them have tea and talk about those dumbasses at the firehouse? (And also legs, since, you know, Frank only has one?)

And also the bank guy, Harrison was fun. (This whole episode was.)

And I know it has nothing to do with Eddie or Buck or Intimacy or Sex (okay a little with those) but I do wanna point you to that damn meatball scene, because it’s so chaotic? First, why are all the ingredients laid out on the table but Maddie is making balls already only to then cover them in water? Look, I’m basically vegan (haha, how long do you think I’ve waited to shoehorn this in here) and haven’t cooked meat since I was … fourteen, probably? And even to me that just seemed wrong! Not to mention AFTER touching raw meat, Maddie only cleans her hands with a towel before opening the door? You used to be a nurse, Madeleine / Maddison! (Do we know her full name? I feel like we don’t.)

One thing I really love about 3B (so far) is how happy and settled my main man Edmundo Diaz is. It’s in the eyes, you guys! I don’t know if it’s a Ryan thing or a deliberate acting choice but whatever it is it translates well (haha, well, yeah, we’ll talk about that one later) into his character and it really makes you feel like Eddie is so much better. Like for all the analysis of Eddie I’ve been doing, I didn’t notice how much colder he grew since the beginning of Season 2 until this episode came and suckerpunched me with the warmth in his eyes. Good god, proceed with caution! Oliver could call me right now and say „Look, Buddie isn’t real, I just keep getting lost in Ryan’s eyes.“ and I wouldn’t even be mad, I’d just be like „How’d you get this number?“. (It was Tim, wasn’t it? Damn it, we talked about this, mate! I wanna meet his cat, not him!)

The episode doesn’t hold a lot of relevance in terms of this meta (aside from some parallels I’ll talk about in a moment) but I still want to discuss it a little bit because it means a lot to me. I just love Howard „Chimney“ Han with all my heart.

I wanna say something controversial now because we’re 500 words in and I feel like I haven’t made you regret reading my rambling yet, so here is controversial thought of the day #1: All these fucking characters are grey as fuck except Howie. Howie is good to the bone. He is the goodest boy. He is so gentle and sweet and non malicious and yes, I am including Evan in my list of grey characters because he pulled some SHIT! Okay, a little bit of shit. Things have been *implied*! (I don’t even know anymore. Maybe he’s just off-white or something.)

And what’s the worst my best friend Howard „Chimney“ Han has done on this show? Lied to his girlfriend a buncha times so she likes him better? I lie all the time. I just lied to my mother 5 minutes ago (Yes, Mom, I’m working on my thesis.)! And Howie just lied to make someone like him better. That’s not bad, that’s horrible self esteem!

Which brings me to another thing I wanna say because thank you, Jennifer Love Hewitt. If anyone from the cast gets to call me, it’s you, because you clearly had your thinking pants on when you took one look at Chimney and said: I want that one! You a real one and I will name check you on my way to heaven - not, that they’ll let me in, but the thought counts?

Now, lets talk about those parallels I mentioned before:

The Hans vs. the Buckleys.

Now, we still don’t know a lot about Mr. and Mrs. Buckley and what exactly made them bad parents (though I’m firmly team a little neglectful but not abusive) but we know a lot about Mr. Han.

One thing of the bat I wanna mention is that this episode confirms that Maddie at least had a hand in raising Buck - which doesn’t actually have to mean too much, because based on JLHs age, her relationship with Dough and the way their sibling relationship is played it’s safe to assume that Maddie is supposed to be between 5-10 years older than Buck (assuming she started nursing school after High School at around 18 / 19, which I think takes 4 years in the US? And she was an ER nurse for 8 years, making her AT LEAST 30 in Season 2, but considering how she emphasised that Buck noticed something was wrong with Dough even as a teenager and she met Dough at 19, I’m gonna assume Buck was younger then 16 because Dough won’t have shown his abusive tendencies right of the bat, so probably about 12 / 13, making Maddie like 6 years older than him? And since we DO have a definite age for Evan, Maddie is probably around 33 in Season 2 (which also works because they wanted to put her and Eddie in a relationship and Ryan Guzman is in his early 30 as well). And look, as the youngest child of two people I would call more than adequate parents I can tell you: older siblings always have a hand in raising you, especially when the age difference exceeds 4 years. One of my sisters is 5 years older than me and I was more scared of telling her about having a bad grade than I was of my parents, so…

Anyways, back to what is actually happening in the episode and how it both parallels and contrasts the Buckleys and Hans.

Like Maddie and Howie are the older siblings and Buck and Albert are the younger siblings, yet Buck and Howie are paralleled as are Maddie and Albert. Also, Howie resents his brother for the relationship he assumes Albert has with their father, but Maddie recognises that Buck probably had similar experiences growing up as she did. Of course one could argue that Howie and Albert never had a relationship before while Buck and Maddie grew up together, but look, Maddie was in an abusive relationship for quite a while and hadn’t been in contact with her brother for 3 years prior to Season 2 but it’s safe to assume they didn’t have too close of a relationship before that either, or the Buck we know would have gone to Maddie to investigate and find out why she dipped. So…

(Despite all of this, Maddie knew she could come to her brother for help in Season 2 meaning one, our boy is such a good boy always and the Buckleys can’t be all bad if Maddie knows she can count on her brother, meaning she didn’t think her parents screwed him up too much in the time since she moved out and gradually left his life. Just another thought.)

I also love how her firm believe in the strength and meaning of familial relationships triggers a shift in Howie. Please keep this in mind for when we discuss 3.16 in a few minutes, friends.

Also that kitchen scene has all my heart. They really said kitchens are a Buddie thing now, didn’t they? (Also from a non shipper perspective, Maddie and Buck are just the sweetest and for a TV show actually fairly realistic siblings. At least if I compare them to my siblings and I.)

Also in terms of the actually topic of my meta’s: this is our first indicator that Eddie considers the 118 his family. And we have another moment of Chimney seeking reassurance / being open with Eddie. I love that they have a friendship like that. (He was so excited about meeting Chimneys brother as well. A little bit puppy and like another reason why Evan and him are friends. (As if we need more)) Also love that Eddie is secure enough to voice these feelings!

(Eddie really does seem so healed in this episode? So open? And happy? Damn, Frank, you know your shit! My man had some growth.)

Now, for some sidenotes to round off this episode, because I have some and I wanna share them:

On the Buckley parents, I think the episode wants to imply that they had plans for Buck? Maybe career wise? Because in the pool scene he says something along the lines of: „Sometimes you have to put / get a little distance“ and since it’s been implied that Buck is also from Pennsylvania or somewhere close by, we can assume that he was talking about himself here. Like he moved all the way across the continent.

I’m also just gonna throw out a prediction for Season 4: since Nia is only a foster child and like 2 years old, it’s safe to assume that she has been only recently taken in. While I do not know the US-Foster system, I do have some knowledge about the German system, so I’ll just predict that either one or both of the birth parents try to get their child back.

Or they just sort of forget about all of this by Season 4.

And I really really really dislike the cancer storyline and how the show is handling it, at least in this episode, specifically in regards to May, who in my opinion, has been both written and treated by the show as someone younger than 18 here, only for the show to then turn around and go all: wow, such an adult, look how wise she is. So awesome. Like nah, son! 3A has shown that she is much maturer than she was treated in this episode.

And Eddie finally got to say „seen this before“ again. I feel like he says that a lot. Should I start a counter for that too or do ya’ll just wanna think about him naked for a bit? (I know, you guys, I know! Should I befriend someone who can make me a bunch of gifs of shirtless Eddie I can pepper in every time we get to heavy around here?)

Episode 3.12:

Ah, yes, „Fools“! The one episode I have to say I can not look at without wearing my shipper goggles. So be warned.

Which is why I’m gonna start with the elephant in the room: Ana Flores.

Now, I’ve seen (and maybe liked / reblogged / queued / drafted (Idk anymore, I’m up to 600 posts in my drafts, 300 in my queue and like 300 liked / reblogged already)) an interview with Ryan Guzman where he talks about Ana and how he isn’t sure yet wether they are heading for romance and how it needs someone incredibly badass to get through Eddie’s defences, because Eddie is barely over his wife’s death and yeah, that!
Look, if you’re here, I’m gonna assume you have read the other three parts of this „meta“ and therefore know that I am a proud member of the Shannon Diaz - defense squad and will fight anyone who says a bad word about her. And you will also know that I attribute most of the stupid things Eddie did in 3A to the fact that Shannon died. So there. All caught up.

Now, as for Ana Flores herself (and I’m writing this after 3.16, so who knows what happens next): She might be in Season 4 (I think the interview said something about it or she tweeted something) but I don’t think it has been confirmed yet? So considering what Ryan said they probably won’t end up in a relationship by the end of Season 3 (again, please remember when I am writing this).

I’m not gonna comment on the actress aside from saying, damn, I wish that were me! Other than that? I don’t really care about actors unless I think they are hot and then it’s more of a: uiiii, me like-y. (Madeleine Patch, call me!)

As for the actual scenes, well, I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand side, as I’ve said before, I work with children and the idea of dating the father of one of my babies is just plain wrong to me. So there is that. Morally speaking that storyline would be trash. (And very OOC for Mr. „My son needs to be protected above all“)

Then of course there is what’s actually happening between them which, one, from the get go she seems to not reciprocate Eddie’s advances (he keeps telling her to call him Eddie, she keeps calling him Mr. Diaz). Also that whole speech about horses? Yeah, I know you’re an english teacher but ähm, what? (Put it on the list, Tim, I need answers!)

To sum it up (and explain why I brought up Shannon aside from how much I like her), I don’t think it’s headed for a romance quite yet? They may be playing the slowburn game, but I think it was more like Ali in Season 2. Because as @greyhello pointed out to me in Part 2, Ali might have been there to show us that Buck was ready for a commited relationship and it had never been Abby that made him like that, just as Ana is here to tell us: hey, Eddie is finally accepting his wife’s death and maybe, possibly, some time in the near future, ready to date again. Probably. We’ll see.

Aside from that, I actually think a little crush could be something healthy and healing for Mr. control issues. But, again, we’ll see.

So, elephant addressed. Now let’s move on.

Sidenote: I feel like the parent-teacher conference made Eddie really regret so many of his life decisions. Someone needs to tell Buck so he can make a million puns from here on out and drive Eddie crazy.

(Sidenote: Carla said „big blue eyes“! You know who has big blue eyes? Ah, now I’m just clowning.)

Now this episode returns to the Season 2 formula of giving Eddie and Buck similar storylines:

Because while Eddie meets someone he could potentially be interested it, Buck is also made aware of his single status and the fact that he hasn’t dated in a while.

I do think Buck’s stance in this episode was both curious and familiar. Familiar because it reminded me a lot of Eddie in 2.04 and I think, just like Eddie did before Shannon came back, right then Buck is closing himself off from making connections, be they physical or emotional, because he got hurt too much.

Which is why I call it curious. Because I can not decide wether I consider his behaviour growth or a step back. In Eddie it would definitely be a step back, but in Buck who had been so willing to take any chance for physical intimacy just for the sake of a connection in Season 1 to now at least seem somewhat settled in himself and comfortable with what he has does feel a little like growth? (Then again 3.16 shows us he is just scared of getting hurt again, so probably just covering up is depression.)

Also, again with the kitchen! That puts us at five (?) scenes of Buddie talking about each other or with each other in a kitchen setting (six, if you count 3.03). Now I’m probably clowning myself real hard right now, but whatever!

But I do wanna point out how comfortable Eddie and Buck are discussing Eddie’s parenting struggles, which just shows how much he trusts him.

Now I know, I myself have made a textpost about Eddie discussing his parenting struggles with literally anyone, but ya’ll know I was kidding, right? It isn’t actually true. In canon he talks with exactly 5 people about Christopher:

They are Christopher’s therapist in „Triggers“, Carla, Hen, Lena … and Buck.

Now, here comes something interesting: For Carla and therapist, it is literally their job to help Eddie with his parenting struggles, but all the other scenes? Connected to Buck. Yeah. That.

Look, the Hen scene in the Christmas episode literally involves Buck and as I’ve said both Eddie’s and Buck’s reaction here heavily implied that Eddie has had a conversation with Buck about his fight with Chris before telling Hen all about it.

As for Lena, again, she is *literally* there as a substitute for Buck. She uses his locker. Her name is taped over his - and that is actually such a nice visual, that I wanna talk about it real quick, because I’ve seen it called disrespectful a few times and I don’t agree.

One, the fact that they left the „B“: funny af, someone from set dressing is probably laughing themselves silly about this and is allowed to call me now; also a constant reminder who’s locker and place she is actually occupying. Also how she can never really fully replace him, she can’t cover the hole he left fully, he is always there, lurking.

Two, the fact that it is tape: tape is slightly see through. It is temporary and easily removed. Tape is just a quick, momentary fix. Tape can be taken off / away without effort.

So to sum it up: There’s no one he trusts more with his son.

Which is also why Buck is there at the end: because Buck is who Eddie trusts. Buck is who Eddie goes to when he’s struggling as a father. Buck is who Eddie wants by his side cheering Chris on. I mean, they are literally pushing him together while Carla films (stands on the sidelines, ready to help as needed, but not fully a part of their family unit).

So, to go back to the elephant in the room? Right now I’m not at all worried about Ana Flores.

On another note it’s also one of the last real Buddie scenes we got in 3B so far and while I do understand that there just wasn’t any storyline for them to do such a scene organically, I am very worried about what it could mean. Because I still remember when Teen Wolf stopped putting Tyler H and Dylan in scenes together because people kept screaming queerbaiting.

I don’t want that to happen here. I love Buddie and what it could represent but I’ve also written too much about their respective characters AND their connection by now to disregard how meaningful they ALREADY are and how important even as a platonic pairing they are. Because they make each other so much better and proof that straight man can have deep connection with each other and how two flawed people can help each other heal in a way that I don’t think any other relationship in this show shows.

Back to the episode, though. The ark between Christopher and Eddie here is truly beautiful and I love the way we see Eddie growing as a parent. And I think the show wrote those scenes so well and they felt truly natural and were incredibly important, both for Eddie and Christopher.

I do think, as much as I love Christopher always being Eddie’s number one priority, no matter who Eddie ends up dating (yes, even if he dates Buck) we need to see a bit of a shift here. (Also, just in general, because Christopher will grow up, even if he’ll never be as independent as a fully abled bodied child might someday be.)

Eddie needs to learn to let go of control and of Christopher a bit. Look, a partner will never come before Christopher for Eddie (unless Chris is like in his 40s and has moved out and is living his own life. And even then it’ll be close.) but in order for anyone to ever fit into his life he needs to make a little space at the top and that includes taking away a bit from Christopher.

(Also just selfcare reasons, you guys, parents need to learn that it’s okay to sometimes think about themselves! And we already saw Eddie break once cause it became too much, how easy do you think that can happen again?)

Sidenote: We all know Buck built that, right? He’s been shown again and again to have some mechanical / maschinary (?) understanding plus fairly interesting problem solving skills.

Episode 3.13:

I love the locker room scene. Firstly, it’s a definite reminder that these three have bonded a lot and it’s such a sweet familial scene.

Also Eddie’s advice: yet another hint that he’s healing from Shannon’s death.

Compare it 3.08 and the conversation Bobby had with Eddie. There are no definite callbacks or anything like it, but it is very very very obvious that Eddie is talking about his dead wife here. Who he told he loves her in her last moments. So there.

Now, as for the healing part, could you imagine 3A!Eddie saying something like that to anyone?

Even in 3.03 or 3.06 with Buck, the person he lets himself be the most vulnerable with, there are still always terms and conditions with his words.

He trust no one more with his son, which, okay, is what the scene was about and what has the highest priority in his life but still, his trust isn’t bound to himself, it’s bound to his son, not to himself, not something he has in general for Buck, but something he has for Buck in regards to his son - that Eddie trusts Buck with himself is only ever implied.

He forgives him - „also what it means to be a part of a team“. Eddie sort of impersonalises his forgiveness here, he doesn’t forgive him because he’s Buck and he’s Eddie, he forgives him because they are part of the same team.

With Eddie there is always a wall.

But here in the locker room there isn’t. It’s just: if you love her, tell her, cause you might not get another chance - Eddie certainly doesn’t have another chance to tell Shannon.

And okay, you might say, isn’t that kind of a condition as well? Saying ‚I love you‘ because tomorrow isn’t promised? And sure, it kind of is. But Eddie’s also basically saying: once upon a time I told my wife, who art now in heaven, that I loved her as she was dying and then I got real mad at her and the world after because she left me and she was planning to leave me anyways and now I’m here and I’m over that and I’m just glad I got to tell her ‚I love her‘ one last time. I’m no longer angry.

Growth, you guys.

Episode 3.14:

I feel like the writers read some of ya’ll’s Buddie fanfiction, realised how it mischaracterised the relationship between Buck and Chimney gets and said: not on my watch!

In other words: If Eddie and Buck are different sides of the same coin, Buck and Chimney are the same sides of different coins. They share so many traits and experiences!

Now, this episode. Man, you guys, it really has me stumped. Part of me thinks it doesn’t have relevance and part of me keeps going back because it thinks it does?

Oh man, you guys, I’m lost. I don’t know.

All right, executive decision: no relevance, just another drop on the breakdown-stone that is 3.16.

Someone please tell my man’s boy they need him!

Episode 3.15:

Fun fact to start ya’ll off: this was only the second episode I watched somewhat live being a little new to town and the first I saw without spoiling myself on tumblr. So it has a special place in my heart any way you look at it.

(But then again this episode also involves several of my nightmares: drowning! being below earth! Being in small enclosed spaces! Being buried alive! Huge amounts of mud that will not leave your clothes and fingernails for the next six hundred years!)

Also, uhm, did I say „Fools“ was the *one* episode I could not look at without shipper goggles? So I’m contradicting myself. It happens. Move on. (Yeah, or repress it and join a fight club! Also name check me with your therapist, please! We may have breakdowns but we do them healthy around here!)

Because these fuckers went off! Whew! I’m serious, after watching the episode I sent a clip of that scene to my roommate and asked to rate how platonic this was. Which she did not. Because she doesn’t know math, apparently. - My point is, she sees it and she doesn’t know the show.

In other news this episode convinced me Oliver is pulling an Andrew Robinson (and yes, I know he said it was in the script but then Andy also followed the script, so…).

Sidenote: Eddie is the oldest, right? Damn, for some reason I thought he was the middle child. He has big middle child energy.

(Also why they namedrop Galveston like that? I googled it an it’s just a town? Why, Tim, why?) (At this point he is just torturing me, I know it. This feels personal.)

Anyways, this episode, you guys! I have thoughts! (And they are very hard to put in order so please excuse any jumping around at this point.)

The birthscene is great and can we just for a moment think about 25 year old Eddie hugging his mother in law so very lovingly? He’s so happy here. So soft. (Also I’m about to turn 25? I would not be able to deal with being married right now either?)

And yes, this episode confirms that Eddie has killed people, and while I know it was selfdefense, I just, it’s very weird to me because these characters have become so real to me, so to see one of them kill without a care is kinda off-putting. (This is why I will always consider Eddie grey and why I can never consider Buck white - because he had been planning on joining the Seals meaning he had to consider the possibility of killing and has probably learned to kill (Do you think that’s why he’s so non aggressive? because he knows he could take everyone down?))

I’m just gonna come out and say it: anyone who says Eddie isn’t impulsive has not watched this show. In fact I’d even say he is more impulsive than Buck.

Yes, Buck will do weird and dumb shit on a whim because the thought just crossed his mind and it sounds good and he doesn’t think about the consequences, but just does it. (I could make a case that our boy has ADHD but this is not what this meta is about)

But Eddie? Eddie is impulsive in his reactions. Everytime he is in distress (emotional not physical) he stops thinking about consequences and just starts reacting. Especially if it’s about a child!

Shannon is pregnant - lets sign up for the army.

Our child has a developmental disorder - lets stay in the army.

My parents want to take away my child - lets move halfway across the country.

(Not allowed to talk to your best friend? - lets go streetfighting.)

Eddie probably thinks these things through to a point and he mostly has a plan, but he is so reactionary. He is like a raw nerve and that’s what makes him impulsive.

It’s why, instead of letting them pull him out enough until he can radio, Eddie cuts the fucking line. Because this is a child, this could be Christopher and Eddie needs to be enough to save him.

(Are you crying yet?)

I’m not gonna talk about Afghanistan except to say: ah, Eddie. My man, you are enough! Always!

(But maybe that was his guilt over killing talking? Maybe he does feel bad?)

Also why did the woman emphasis ‚Staff Sergeant‘ like that? Was that an indicator that Eddie got promoted?

Also Eddie the fucking boy scout / alter boy / goody goody two shoes trying to get up because of a superior office despite lying in a hospital bed (and not even having been cleaned from his blood yet, urgh that’s gotta itch!)

Sidenote: in light of 3.16: do you think Eddie still talks to Mills, Binder, Norwahl and what all their names are or do you think that would be too hard for him? I’m leaning toward not talking but I really liked Mills (she reminded me of Buck and Lena, tbh.)

And now, for our regular scheduled program: Shannon and Eddie.

First of all I loved all of it. I loved that we could really understand why Shannon left. I love how much they clashed but still had those little moments of recognition.

And look: The juice box scene was very rough. Eddie is likely currently suffering from PTSD, definitely having a culture shock and here is his wife who is barely holding on as well and she just wants to leave, she can’t deal anymore and both of them are so desperate and wow, just wow. Kudos Ryan and kudos Devin Kelley, I’m sad we won’t see you again, but I do hope I’ll see you somewhere else one of these days!

I’ve talked about their relationship a lot already, so I’m not sure if I have any fresh takes but I will remind you of a few you already know:

Eddie is not in love with Shannon after Afghanistan (haven’t decided yet if he was in love with her in the birth scene)

Shannon *needed* Eddie to open up to her just as much as she needed to be open with her

Eddie was not able to be emotionally intimate with his wife

they cared about each other very very much and I do think they tried

they are family (remember what I said in part 2 about Eddie talking to the 118 about Shannon? This here proof that he definitely defended her actions at some point to them as well)

Shannon was in an impossible situation with her mother and a special needs child and likely burned out and just … she needed someone to have her back, which Eddie couldn’t because he himself was suffering from PTSD at that point

I’m still mad as fuck, they killed her off! If they give Eddie any other endgame romance that isn’t Buddie without like two seasons buildup after killing off HIS WIFE I will riot!

Which brings me to Eddie and his parents which was rough, you guys!

Look, as someone who worked with children I can see where his parents are coming from in that scene but also wow, just wow.

How cold and insensitive and fuck, no wonder someone is repressed as shit, that was horrifying and I really can’t talk about this more than to say this hurts and also explains too much about Eddie. (Can we have the locker room three bonding about having horrible parents in Season 4, please, Tim? And can Buck come too? We could do it at the loft?)

As for his conversation with Christopher, obviously it was cute as fuck and also I love how he began the conversation talking to his child like every adult male I have ever met talking to a kid about something he knows will go over it’s head („It’s like we’re talking about completely different people.“). (Okay, maybe not just adult males. Maybe we all talk like that around children sometimes. I know I do.)

I really liked how they reinforced once again that Eddie wasn’t a natural at being a dad (compare how he holds his son to season 1 Buck who most definitely knows how to handle a child (And now I’m wondering if him being good at it was always planned or a „Oliver did a great job the first time we had him interact with a child so we decided to make it a trait“-thing. Damn you, Tim, for making me think so much!)) but became good at it because he was willing to learn and he cared! Dads of the world (also Moms, we aren’t all super duper either) take note!

That being said the conversation also left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth because, one, it felt a little petulant of Eddie to turn around and leave for LA, the way it was presented here and two, Christopher at that point didn’t understand yet what Eddie was actually asking him about and it felt a bit like manipulation. Please everyone, do not consider a conversation like that consent from a child. Any adult can get a child that age to say anything they want because children just want to be liked (It’s why when children are involved in criminal proceedings it’s so hard to interview them because children follow every suggestion because they think this is what the adults want them to say.).

Now, let’s talk about puppy!boy for a second!

In 1.05 Buck tells Abby: „no one is good when it’s personal“ - well guess what buddy boys, this one is very personal for one Evan ‚Buck’ Buckley, thank you very much, that boy is losing it.

Okay, let’s compare it to the episode before and then two episodes later:

Now, obviously the situation with Maddie was a little different. Mainly because this was a hostage situation and he realised (because Seal training, remember?) that there wasn’t a lot he could do to help her right then but then again … neither was there in Season 2 when Maddie was in danger and he still acted far more frantic in the car with Athena than he did here? Like the only stupid thing he did was drive a little dangerously this time?

And of course, two episodes later we see Bobby react when Athena is in danger and while we don’t see him be frantic we do see him get ready to kill someone, so, yeah!
 It could of course be inconsistent writing or deliberate to keep the attention and worry more on the people in the call centre but since they haven’t pulled anything like that before I’m leaning more into my clowning.

I mean, we also have to consider that Buck was Eddie’s lifeline here, he was supposed to be the one to get him out, so he feels extra responsible but then again we have Hen make this comment about having two cut lines, which of course says that Hen thinks that one: whatever reason Eddie had to cut his line will definitely be considered a just as valid reason by Buck to cut his line but also: BUCK WOULD DECIDE TO DIE DOWN THERE WITH EDDIE. Sorry for the yelling, but no, I do not think Buck acted out of character in 3.14.

(Which is very irresponsible, you guys. You are fathers! What happens to Christopher when ya’ll die in a well somewhere in fictional California? I can not live in fictional California! I will not be taking care of your child, Buddie! Figure it out yourself! No. We are done here! This conversation is over!)

(Okay, not quite, because I actually don’t think that would be realistic! More realistic: Buck giving Eddie his harness so he can get pulled out first and then dying down there alone.)

Like I’ve said in the at the beginning: Oliver might be pulling an Andrew Robinson. It might have just been the way they thought Buck would act if he lost Eddie while being responsible. It might have been fever making him delirious (which, btw, kudos! Because you can hear how sore his throat was and omg, that shirt hurt!)

Never mind I found the heavy focus on Buck in an episode about Eddie fairly curious - which is why now it’s video-talk time!

First: I will not bear Shannon slander around here! Yes, she was in way less scenes than Buck, but the actress also was never a main character, so ya’ll need to remember there are like 2 scenes of them as a family. And they probably didn’t have the time, money and energy to film some just for a montage - especially considering that the three of them have hardly been a family together, because first Eddie was gone and then Shannon, so…

But yes, we do have to admit that Buck was in most scenes, and yes, we do have to consider the implications of this which are: Buck is definitely a vital member of the Diaz family and when Eddie says: I’m always gonna come home to my family, this now includes Buck and I hope we see him tell him that at one point in the final cause I need him to!

And then of course there is also the radio scene in the beginning (which lead to one of my proudest tumblr-moments to date in form of this post!) which did ease us into the concept of Bucky-boy being a member of the Diaz family! So it is canon now?!

One thing I wanna point out about the school scene in the end in regards to this is that little boy’s question. Sure they used it as transition to calling Christopher his good luck charm but, uhm, why did they have Buck ask about it in the beginning then? Why have this sort of unnecessary callback to the beginning of the episode unless they want us to remember Buck?

Something to ponder for the next week, I think.

Also the episode sort of reinforced my believe that we don’t really have to worry about Ana Flores. Sure, this scene was also a chance for Eddie to redeem himself in front of a teacher he screamed at just a few weeks prior but the only interaction they had was her asking that question at the end and Eddie hardly looked at her.

(Also, if they really wanted to reinforce Eddie being interested in her, they could have had Carla make a dig about it in the beginning, even with Christopher there, but they didn’t, which to me confirms that they don’t really know what to do with her yet.)

At least Ryan was finally taking his shirt off again, I know that’s like catnip for ya’ll.

Episode 3.16:

One thing that really confuses me is how many people seem to think this episode points out only how important romantic relationship are and I don’t see that?

I mean, I see that it’s one of the points that is being made but I don’t think it’s the only possible reading of this episode.

To me it was about connection and family more than anything.

It begins actually with Eddie (the person most connected to Buck) being the first person to decline Buck’s invite, not in favour of spending time with a romantic partner, but because he has a prior commitment with his son! (And several other people, including, but not limited to, at least 2 other nine year olds. For Eddies sake I hope less than 5 or that Carla is around because he is a single father and children unionise by nature.)

And it continues with Buck by forming a connection to Red and then bonding with Maddie.

And can I just say, before we delve more into all of this, how proud I am of Evan „Buck“ Buckley after this episode? Just look at him!

This is Buck at his lowest, lower even than during the lawsuit, because back then he had something to fight against, which he doesn’t have here. Because he can’t stop other people from leaving him (that is the whole point of the episode after all) and what does he do? Instead of going full on Buck 1.0 and just finding the nearest interested person to form a meaningless physical connection with to substitute for the lacking emotional intimacy he craves so much, he goes to a bar alone and befriends an old man. And spends the rest of the episode bonding with him. And bonding with his sister. And addressing his issues, both with his sister and his family. That is huge!

(Which is why I’ve decided him not wanting to date? Symptom of his deeper issues, yes, but also a sign of growth.)

And I’ve seen some people on my dash talk about how, compared to most other 911 episodes, this episode has a fairly bleak ending, which one I agree with, two think is actually a theme with Buck centric episodes, but three don’t actually mind / think is a bad thing? It’s fairly realistic after all.

To get personal one second: I remember being a very idealistic 20-year old intern working in the foster system five years ago and my mentor, who was less than 10 years older than me but fairly badass teaching me something that technically is a well known proverb but that I, a idealistic 20-year old, had not actually understood until I worked there and saw it myself: manchmal muss man den Karren an die Wand fahren  - translation: sometimes you have to let the trolley drive into the wall, which means sometimes you have to let things play out till it’s natural end before you can help. Or to use an english proverb: Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom.

And this is what I’m thinking - no, hoping - is happening here. Because, look, you don’t just solve like 20 or more years of abandonment issues in one episode and considering what a big part of Buck’s character from the moment we met him they have been, that would have been unsatisfying to watch anyways!
What we need right now, in terms of Buck’s storyline is catharsis. A cleansing. Buck needs to get to his worst (which I think he did or he will, once he talks to Abby) before he can begin to get better, can begin to heal, can begin to learn that he is not alone. And that is not a bad thing!

And yes, I know our boy is suffering and we along with him because we all love Evan Buckley to death but sometimes you gotta let things break so you can fix them instead of just putting tapes over the holes you see (haha, see what I did there?).

As for the episode, here we go:

I wanna start with something else real quick which is Hen’s subplot which I found important. Because they addressed that hey, she went through a trauma not to long ago as well and maybe she is not as okay with it as we thought?

Also it shows Bobby’s double standard again, but then I think he would have reacted differently if the guy had died and it was evident Hen realised she should never pull a stunt like that again. And maybe I’m giving Bobby a bit to much credit right now. Urgh.

I do wanna say, while Chimney seemed fine at the end with what went down we did see his reaction in the next episode and honestly he is mad, it’s just that Hen is his best friend and Chimney lives on the principle of forgive and forget so there.

Now I do really like the rope rescue scene because it was badass and also because Eddie seems so done in the beginning and Bobby just looks at him like: well, he’s not doing it alone and he’s probably not gonna cut his rope!

(Also notice how Eddie cut his rope willingly but Buck’s was cut for him? What does that mean? - For reals, I may see the connection but I can’t yet make out the meaning.)

But I did appreciate Hen’s comments about them being their best guys a lot! I kind of want an episode like they used to do on Star Trek were they focus on background characters and give us the way everyone probably sees Buddie as some kind of superhuman supermen who pull the craziest stunts and somehow make it!
And now, let’s get into Evan!

First of, I now Cindy was meant as a parallel to Abby but I also think to Ali because Abby didn’t leave because she couldn’t handle the fear but Ali did. So there, a sort of Ali Martin mention! Thanks for listening, Tim.

But of course with everything else Cindy is quite the parallel to Abby from the way she just left and Red never really got closure, just like Buck.

What is interesting though is that Red, different to Buck, doesn’t want closure. He wants to remember the good times and imagine what could have been. (This could of course be due to the fact that his life is about to end.)

Buck on the other hand side really craves closure, and look, I know when we first learned she is definitely coming back I was really unhappy about that, but since then we learned they run into each other which makes it fine to me. Because I thought we’d have another instance of Buck running after Abby for validation and I did not want that. But he’s not actually running after her, it’s just a coincidence so I’m happy for him getting a chance to have closure, finally.

And this is were I think the episode proofs that it’s not about romantic love as the only way to be fulfilled, first because after talking about Abby Buck asks „Do you think I’m lonely?“ which is not about romance at all (had they wanted to make it about love it would have been: „Do you think I’ll find love again?“ or something). Also the conclusion of this episode is Maddie telling Buck he is different to Red because he has her (and in general those scenes between them, yes, they were also about Abby because she was another person Buck has been left by but just like they mention a best friend in terms of people Maddie left behind it is not about the romantic aspect, it is about people he loves in general), because he has a sister and she won’t leave him again - so there, familial love! The pinky swear! The importance of family. (see 3.11)

Also had it really been about love you know what would have happened since then? We’d have seen Buck calling Abby! Maddie would have said something about Buck still being young and having time to meet someone! Instead Abby and Buck run into each other by accident and Maddie makes a pinky swear to never leave again, so yeah, I just think sometimes we need to wait for how stuff plays out before we judge.

Now of course I wanna mention the pool scene as well.

Firstly, I know we already traced a lot of what Buck says at the end back to Eddie and the grocery store but did ya’ll here Chimney say: „Seems like your making this about yourself“ and Bobby implying the same thing, so yeah, I wonder if it was them quoting Eddie or if this is what everyone is supposed to be thinking or if it was just a setup for the breakdown at the end.

Also let’s talk about Eddie real quick here, because I found it really weird that they didn’t reference his platoon from Afghanistan here? Like they could have easily have him say „I’m not in the army anymore but I still talk to my old platoon.“, especially since we MET them one episode before. So either they didn’t think of that, they wanted to reinforce the fear Buck has or Eddie may just be as lonely as Buck?

(Guess which way I’m leaning?)

(Look, children are great but they are no substitute for friends and adult conversation, just saying!)

But I love how hard Mr. Stoic and emotionally unavailable tries to reassure Buck, tries to be there for him. And also did ya’ll notice how, once Eddie speaks for the first time Buck’s focus never strays from him. Hen and Chimney and Bobby talk as well but it seems as if Buck never looked away from Eddie. (Which, definitely get that, he looked good here.) Also how Buck stresses the “That better not happen to us“ - man, what conversation could he be referencing? Man, I wish I had memorised this show by now so I could tell you about two scenes that happened in 3A between Buddie where the topic of us was emphasised a lot but alas I don’t and I can’t.

What the pool scene also proofs once more is that the 118 just like an actual family has a lot of communication issues because Hen and Chimney not being in contact with Tommy or so is a completely different situation but because of their bad communication they don’t realise that this is something they need to explain to Buck because they think this is about Red.

Bobby doesn’t get it either tbh.

But we all know who does, look, I said it about 3.03 and I’ll say it now: Eddie knows Buck. Eddie understands Buck. And Eddie is on the path of realising that Buck needs him to say the actual words and not just let his actions speak!
And my my if all of this pays off I will be one happy camper! (Hums Rihanna “We found love in a hopeless place”)

On a sidenote I hate that Red pegged Buck as a hothead because he really really isn’t! He’s just excitable and sometimes struggles with expressing himself and that frustrates him!

Also I never noticed the apartment had an outside area? did we know this? There is a grill?

Also really would love to see Gigi / Dana Strattford again, I liked her, she’s pretty! (But not like to date one of my guys, Tim, kay?)

(Also whats Officer Williams up to these days? Asking for … a friend?)

And to round this episode up: Oliver still looked so sick at times and they put a lot more makeup on him than they normally do? Usually you can see the slight scaring on his face but this episode you couldn’t but you could see the tears / snot mixing with all the makeup when he was crying and honestly, not his best look! (He still makes it work, though! Just saying, I miss 1.02 / 3.02 / 3.03 Buck, I know these episodes hurt but visually they are peak!)

Episode 3.17:

Was that episode amazing? Yes.

Am I still cackling about Oliver Stark having too much leg? Yes.

Did I love the Frank mention with all my heart? Yes.

Was Michael’s meet cute in an elevator less gay than any Buddie scene we got so far specifically any in 2.01 also known as their meet-ugly? That was a rhetorical question, you guys.

As for that comment I wouldn’t put too much stock into it. I mean, if you’re a single guy and you get invited out to fifth wheel at a double date with your sister and her boyfriend and his best friend and her wife, no matter how close you are, you will feel awkward so of course you invite the other single guy who happens to be your best friend who happens to be part of the friendgroup AND the team you’re working with making this a definite team/family/work - outing.

That being said: it took me 23h to come up with a reasonable explanation for this comment and I did scream at my laptop and pause the episode after it was made and I have been thinking “Buddie” confirmed about 100 times since then!

Also, they just spent a shit ton of time together, right? Like, if Buck’s there than so is Eddie and if Eddie is there than so is Buck and I’m clowning and not calm anymore!

Maybe “Buck invites Eddie” can be our always?

In other news this episode has absolutely no relevance for anything, but I love it deeply.

And we made it you guys! It was slower going but it worked!

Thank you to everyone who read so far and thank you to everyone who has been liking and reblogging and commenting! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much this means to me!

(Also please keep doing that! I too am an excitable puppy looking for validation!)

Now, to tag:

@angelcamael, @greyhello, @ipleiade, @the-family-we-choose-118 @chimbuckleys @sevensoulmates

[may8344]

The Journey of a Forgotten Soldier (Levi x OC)

This is a story I’m in the process of posting on both AO3 and Wattpad, though I decided to add it to Tumblr as well. However, since I’ll be behind on Tumblr comparing to AO3 and Wattpad, this may remain behind or I might bulk post.

Relationships:

Alana Frey (OC)Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s)Levi Ackerman/Alana FreyFurlan Church/Original Character(s)Furlan Church/Alana Frey

Characters:

Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)Furlan ChurchIsabel MagnoliaAlana Frey (OC) - CharacterErwin SmithHange ZoëPetra RalGunther SchultzEld JinnOluo BozadoKeith ShadisSpecial Operations Squad | Squad Levi

Additional Tags:

Graphic Description of CorpsesBlood and InjuryViolenceMurder

Summary:

Alana Frey, a girl born in the Underground City, longed to see the true sunlight every morning that she would wake up. Alongside her comrades: Furlan Church, Isabel Magnolia, and Levi, Alana’s life as a thug continued with no way around it; until the sudden day she and her companions were offered the deal of a lifetime.

“Once you complete this job, not only will you be generously compensated for your work,

but you will also earn the right to live above ground.”

Word Count: 1.7k

---

CHAPTER 3: Freedom

As Alana woke up, she realized everyone else had left the shared bedroom. “Was that all a dream?” She mumbled to herself as she began to braid her long hair. “No,” she smiled to herself, “it wasn’t.” A low chuckle left her lips as she remembered all of them together, huddled on the floor as they slept. It was a new experience that she was happy about. Fiddling with the beaten ring that sat on her ring finger on her left hand, Alana’s thoughts were suddenly cut off by a stern voice in the main room.

“You call that clean? Do it again.”

Knowing all too well who that voice belonged to, she groaned and stood up from her mattress. After making up the bed and picking up Isabel’s hair ties, Alana made her way into the main room, greeted by Furlan’s smile. 

“Morning, sleepy head. Once we finish cleaning, we’re gonna head out to the open cavern. Isabel wants to let the bird fly off.” Gesturing with his hand, he looked at the small, white bird perched on top of Isabel’s head. 

A small huff left the ginger’s mouth as she complained, “I don’t understand why we have to clean first. The house is practically spotless anyways!”

A glare was sent across the room from Levi, but Alana stopped the two of them before any arguing took place. “Hey, now, no arguing. Let’s just get this done quickly, then we can go right after.” She, herself, picked up a wet cloth and began wiping down the wooden boards—the make-shift windows—in the rooms and near the sofa. “Besides, it’s probably not good to draw attention to ourselves this early in the day...” she trailed off as she heard the short, cleanfreak stomping towards her with his eyebrows furrowed. 

Levi halted as he was inches away from her face. He was wearing a cloth over his hair and one over his face to protect him from the dust flying around. Even though most of his face was covered, he wasn’t any less intimidating. “The cloth is too damp. You’re making the wood soaked, idiot.”

The other three sighed at their friend. 

[~]

“I’ll race you there!” Isabel shouted as she shot out her wires to the nearest building, zipping through the air as she flew towards it, but not before doing her own flip midair.

“For someone who couldn’t use ODM Gear a month ago, she sure is cocky,” Furlan remarked at their friend as he followed. 

Alana lightly scolded her blond friend, “This is her first time actually using it around the city. Let her have her fun.”

Loud cheering could be heard below them, as each of their friends and fellow workers waved. All of them, including the quartet, saw the gear as a way to finally free themselves from the hellhole they lived in. It was at least a tool to aid them in making money to survive. Knowing that another person was able to successfully use the ODM Gear made everyone ecstatic.

As the three caught up with their energetic partner, she started rambling on about what it felt like to fly. She even laid her arms out from her sides and closed her eyes, claiming it felt like a bird. 

“We’re here.” After some time of flying, Levi spoke his first words since they left as he gracefully landed in a little cavern area. Alana followed next, then Furlan, and finally Isabel. Although each three were decent with their ODM Gear abilities, they could never match their leader. 

Climbing around the rocks, Levi led the squad through the dark tunnel. Directly ahead, sunlight beamed through an open area. The large hole in the ground allowed a bunch of sunlight to peer through the darkness of the cavern. Along the stone edges, some grass and moss hung around the circular area—the only life beneath the ground besides humans and the occasional animal. Isabel rushed ahead of him at the sight and stopped in the centre of the area, gazing upwards to the sky. Taking in a large gulp of air, she yelled, “This is awesome! We can see above ground from here!”

Furlan chuckled as he leaned against the wall, just under the edge of sunlight. Levi sat further away from the tunnel, more in the light. Though he never said so, he really did love sitting under where the sun was. Right up there was freedom.

Alana climbed her way up to where Isabel stood, and set a hand on the excited girl’s shoulder. “It’s time to let the bird fly, right Izzy?” Her diamond blue eyes glistened in the light as she stared up at the clear, blue sky above them. “He can finally be back up in the sky by all of his friends.”

“Yeah.” Isabel rose up her hands, lifting the bird up towards the hole in the ground. “Go on! Be free!”

The beautiful white bird took no time to raise it’s wings and fly high into the endless, crystal blue sky above it. Each of the four stared up into the sky with a mutual goal in mind: to finally leave the Underground City.

But none of them saw the angel, white feather drift down into the dark rain puddle beneath them.

[~]

As the quartet walked back, Alana had paused her footsteps. The rest of the gang turned to her in question. Furlan and Isabel looked confused, but Levi had a serious look on his face. “What is it?”

“Someone is there.” She answered in a hushed voice.

Levi’s eyebrows furrowed as he carefully made his way to the open area in front of their house. Just as she had stated, a tall, old man stood staring at his pocket watch. He had gray hair and a mustache, but he seemed to be wearing a suit. As he heard the four come near him, he closed his watch and turned, making eye contact with Levi. 

“What is it, old geezer?” Isabel had spoken first. “You want something from us?” Her arms helped the back of her head, as she stood in a lackadaisical stance. 

“I need a job done.”

Furlan covered up his suspicion by trying to joke, “You sure you didn’t get the wrong address? We aren’t handymen.”

“I assure you, the pay will be good,” the suited man tried reasoning. 

“Piss off.” Levi grumbled as he walked past the man with the other three in tow. They began to climb the stairs to their front door, but were cut off by the man’s next words.

“I believe I have already put down a deposit for your services.”

“You’re kidding, right? This is the first time we’ve met,” Furlan’s curiosity left his mouth, as he eyed the creepy man. 

“That is true,” his husky voice agreed. “But I’m sure you will recognize that gentleman over there.” Turning his head, he stole a glance towards his left, the opposite direction of the confused group.

In the distance, a red horse carriage with gold trimmings awaited it’s passenger. In no time, a brunette, with his arm around the shoulder of another suited man, was being helped into the vehicle. His right leg had been impaired, so he used the helper almost as a crutch. A smile was on his face as he nodded to the second man who was stationed in front of the carriage.

Both Alana and Furlan’s eyes widened in recognition. 

“Jan!” He couldn’t help blurting out, surprised to see the brunette being taken away. 

The old man began his bargaining once more. “His leg is severely impaired. He must have it operated on in a hospital above ground.” Even without turning around to face the bunch, it was obvious he had a smirk on his face. “I am correct, am I not, Levi?”

“What are you getting at!?” The blond began to get angered at seeing his friend being taken hostage. 

“I’ll repeat myself. That is our deposit. Now will you hear me out?”

Alana turned to Levi with a worried face. “Levi…” 

He had been cornered. The stoic man was in a position where he was forced to agree to their terms. “Very well.”

[~]

The echoing of footsteps rang in the barely lit hallway. As they followed the staircase leading up towards the surface, behind the old man, each of the four were on high guard. Slowly, as they reached the top, a hole of daylight filled the cramped area instead of the torches. 

Levi was the first to emerge from the shadows of the steps, covering his eyes from the bright rays of sunshine. Next was Furlan, then Isabel, then Alana. A carriage, similar to the one seen carrying Jan away,  sat at the top of the stairway. Inside it was a man covered by shadows provided by the vehicle..

A husky voice left the mysterious man’s mouth. “Are these the ones?”

“Yes. I’ve heard great things about them.” The old man replied as he stood next to the door of the carriage. 

In frustration, Levi exclaimed, “Who the hell are you?”

“I understand your wariness.” He answered, avoiding the question. “But you’ll learn to trust me in time.”

“Oh? How so?” Alana questioned, becoming more stern than her typical self.

“The fact that I’ve contacted you personally proves it. I am risking quite a lot by being here. Have you received my deposit?”

“I don’t know what you call it above ground, but it’s called ‘taking a hostage’ where we’re from,” Levi responded coldly. 

“It’s proof that your reward will be ample. Do you understand?” The man paused, waiting for an answer. When he realized he wasn’t going to receive one, he continued, hoping that it was enough convincing. “Once you complete this job, not only will you be generously compensated for your work, but you will also earn the right to live above ground.”

That left the group absolutely speechless. Each person stared wide eyed at the man’s proposition. If he was telling the truth, then the four’s dream would finally become a reality.

If he was telling the truth, they would finally be free.

---

(A/N) As fans of ACWNR, these earlier chapters (until around Chapter 12) follow very closely to the manga/anime. Dialog as well as most actions are only changed into words for the fanfiction (adding in Alana). However, once we get past that, it will begin to become its own story and change to more original--and of course more Levi scenes. Personally, I enjoy seeing the progress from the entire beginning as it takes form. This chapter is definitely a favorite of mine to write, so I hope it came across that way. Thank you, Brianna, for the amazing editing.

Thank you for reading! See you all next week :)

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 

[foolgobi65]

Lois/Clark + travel au + fake dating + “are you sure this is legal?”

again, its kind of a fake marriage and...also again....this is kind of the set up for the fake marriage scenario? i basically used this as an opportunity to write down a bunch of my lois headcanons for a period after superman reveal but before the get together lmao but i hope you still like it!! thank you so much for sending the prompt, i love lois sm and this was i think the first time i’ve really written from her (or actually written out lois and clark lol) so everyone please send feedback re: lois and clark characterizations!!!!

love u to the moon and back!!!!

---

“Clark, what does legal really mean, other than the things our government arbitrarily decided we’re allowed to do?”

Next to her, Clark rolls his eyes and Lois tries not to show the awe that briefly floods her body when she remembers that Superman is Clark is Superman is Clark, which means that when he responds to her quip, it’s not only as Smallville but as Kal-El, who she once named ‘the Man of Tomorrow.’ 

“Nice to see Libertarian Lois make an appearance,” Clark-El quips, and Lois nearly melts. It’s been about a month since what she, agnosto-sympathetic as she’s always been, termed in her own mind as the Revelation. Clark is Superman is Clark, she reminds herself as she always has to, to keep herself from running in as many directions as she can, vainly trying to outrun the fastest man alive. 

Being, maybe. Because he’s not really a man, is he?

Clark, Lois thinks again. Clark Kent from Smallville, Kansas. Son of Martha. Man, man, man. Lois is no fool to think that he could really be anyone else -- Clark, for all that he’s apparently lied to her, couldn’t possibly have lied about this. Superman had always seemed so aloof, so removed from the daily grind of humanity’s issues: sure, he’s saved plenty of cats up trees, but Lois had always wondered if he understood why those cats were so beloved, or worse if he saw humanity as the perennial cat constantly stuck up in trees of its own making. But she hadn’t known Superman, really, hadn’t thought she would be able to. 

Not like she’d known Clark. Clark, of the long-form article following the production of a single plaid shirt he’d been wearing on Monday during the week’s pitch meeting. Clark, who was always falling into step right next to Lois no matter where she was, or who she was up against, his heart the only one that burned like Lois when confronted with the nastiness of the world. 

Clark, who Lois has always considered the most human man she ever met. Clark who is somehow biologically, the least human man in the universe.

“Lois?” Clark’s voice is just slightly strained as if he can hear the thoughts scurrying round and round Lois’s mind, but no Lois had asked about that during those first few terrifying days when up had seemed like down and she’d felt like the shittiest investigative reporter since Arnab Goswami. Clark couldn’t read minds, not really, he’d said -- he could at most see the neurons firing (and wasn’t that a horrifying thought?) but he hadn’t tried to figure out a pattern. 

“But I don’t watch your neurons,” he’d said with what then-Lois had recognized as a hint of human-Clark, who she later realized was just-Clark’s shit-eating grin. “Your mind makes me dizzy enough when I’m just observing from the outside. Can’t imagine what would happen if I was trying to follow your thought process in real-time.” 

Now-Lois shakes her head slightly, unattractive like a wet dog. “Sure it’s illegal to impersonate a pair of massage therapists, but you’re an extraterrestrial traveler, Clark. Do the mighty dictums of the United States really mean that much to you?” 

She knows almost as soon as the last half of the sentence leaves her lips that it’s the wrong thing to say. Clark’s from Kansas, just like he always said. He was raised in Kansas, with Kansas values whatever the hell that means. Christ, she thinks, she’s never been so insensitive to an adoptee in her life. 

A month ago, Clark’s face might have crumpled. Two weeks ago, he might have thrown Lois’s insensitivity right back in her face. Today, though, his eyes only go wide for a second, right before Lois sees them glint with what she can only label as sheer Clarkness. It’s a near cousin of his shit-eating grin, that’s for sure, and if it makes her heart race with a little anticipation that between her, the universe and, if he’s listening, Sup--

Shit. 

But maybe Clark isn’t listening, too focused on what he’s about to say, because he plows on despite her heart rate. “Lois,” he drawls, “I don’t ignore the dictates of the United States because I'm an alien.”  

Oh for fuckssake. “Clark now is not the time to crib off of your much cooler mom’s actual anarchist credentials. You can talk as much theory as you want, but you were the one who just asked if we should continue our pursuit of justice based on legality.” 

Clark scoffs. “Perry suspended us for two weeks, and on day two you called me up and asked if I wanted to go on a vacation.” 

Sometimes, Clark’s whole Clark-shtick makes it so that Lois can’t tell if he’s actually hurt, or if he’s just fucking with her emotions, the ones everyone told him she’d long shot dead and buried behind the house, for his own amusement. She squints, leaning in a little closer to check for his usual tells, and there! Just at the corner of his lip, a slight twitch, so minuscule that no one but Lois could have found it. 

“You asshole! You were bored too!” Lois crosses her arms. “C’mon, would you really have been happy with a normal cruise, just floating on the ocean and wearing Hawaiian shirts while eating shrimp, no care in the world?” She raises her eyebrows, grinning like she’s trying to sell Clark a tub of Crisco. “Isn’t taking down the Mob just so much more exciting?” 

According to her therapist, Lois was never really in love with Superman. Lois was in love with the idea Superman represented -- a good man, powerful without the corruption she saw infesting those with power every day, a man so far above humanity that he was safe from the trainwreck that was Lois’ interior self. He could never really love her back, so Lois was safe loving him, never had to worry about her job putting him in danger or her tongue slicing him up during an argument until there was nothing left but his torn up suit. 

Clark, though, Clark was very real, her therapist said. Says, though Lois hasn’t been responding to her calls since the Revelation. She doesn’t know how quite to say “hey Doc, remember how we’ve been talking on and on about Clark and Superman, and how I have to ‘give up my illusion of safety in order to take a real leap of faith?’ Well, do I have a doozy for you!”  

But anyway, the point her therapist was making was that Clark actually knows Lois, inside and out. Probably better than Lois knows herself, at this point, and he loves her for it anyway. Because he does love her, Lois knows. Just like Jimmy knows, and Perry, and Lucy, and hell the guy at her corner bodega too who thinks that “that nice plaid-shirt guy you’re seeing, who comes in to buy you a whole dozen maple donuts before he picks you up, he’s gonna pop the question any day now Miss Lane!” 

Clark has loved Lois for a long time but never told her because Lois has spent almost the entirety of their partnership pretending to love Superman, afraid of being judged wanting by the only person in the world who could actually make that judgment in the first place. Clark loves her now, but Lois’ parents loved each other too once, and that relationship ended with her mom being just a little grateful that the cancer was actually going to kill her so that she wouldn’t have to put up with the General anymore. Lois knows that Clark thinks she doesn’t love him, that he thinks her love for Superman died in the fire of knowing that Superman was actually her bumpkin friend Clark, but for once she’s too afraid to report the truth. 

The truth, that all those parts Lois’ mother hated in the General -- his stubbornness, his arrogance, his inability to see anything outside of the scope of his gun -- Mad-Dog Lane has too, probably in equal measure. Clark isn’t her mom, but he too is kind, and gentle. Soft sometimes, in ways that Lois can’t believe he manages when faced with the horrors of humanity twice over. He’s her best friend, her partner, but if they added another step to their weird dance wouldn’t it finally be too much? Clark has parents who love him, makes friends easier than Lois can breathe, but Lois has only Clark. Maybe Perry, but even then who knows -- Clark might get Perry in the divorce since he can actually spell. 

“Hmm?” Lois shakes herself again, finally seeing Clark’s hand wave in front of her face. “Sorry, Clark.” 

He laughs. “It’s fine Lois, I was just saying something you’d probably have liked to hear so it’s probably best that you didn’t.” 

Lois clicks her tongue, rounding on Clark. “Well if it’s that I was right about you being bored after an entire two days off, then I don’t need to hear it. I already know I’m right and that’s good enough for me.” 

Clark rolls his eyes. “One of the precious few times you are, since this idea of yours is all sorts of wrong. Beyond the legal thing, which I will remind you, is a matter of having a massage therapy license that neither of us has and as such, cannot in good faith offer massages as part of our jobs as massage therapists.” Funny that Clark seems to have no comment on the whole “fake marriage” part of Lois’ plan. 

Lois brushes off his concern with what she thinks is aplomb. “See that would have been a problem for the Lois-of-a-month-ago, but today-Lois knows something that you apparently haven’t thought about!” 

“Oh?”

Lois beckons Clark closer, and because he loves her, he humors her by leaning in close. “See,” she whispers into his ear, “Today-Lois knows that her partner Clark has super-vision, and can see all those pesky muscle groupings neither of us knows about. Just talk to me in a language we know but the client doesn’t, and we’ll be all good!” 

Clark chokes. “You want me to...use my powers to aid in our...subterfuge?” 

Lois raises an eyebrow. “Are you seriously telling me that you haven’t used them on a story before?” That would be very Clark-like of him, she supposes, but on the other hand, the Clark she knows would never not use a resource to help break a story. And, just like she thought--

“No,” Clark says, flushing beet red -- I made Superman blush! Lois thinks and tamps down -- “No I have, but just not so....” 

“Planned?” 

“No,” Clark admits, “it was definitely planned.” He laughs softly. “Honestly, I think it’s that no one else has ever planned to use my powers, at least not as Clark.” Superman, of course, helps build millions of homes and launches nuclear waste into space: there’re entire forums where top scientists compete to see which of their ideas Superman can help them fulfill. And here Lois is, asking him to use those same powers so that they can fake being massage therapists to coax out leads from horny couples with connections to the Mob. 

She bites her lip, insecure in only the way Superman and Clark have been able to make her feel. Just figures that they were the same person the whole time. “Is..,” Lois swallows, “Is that ok? That I planned it?” Her eyes widen, sudden panic suffusing her body. “Ohmygod Clark, I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you, or anything, I mean I definitely think your powers are cool but I love you for your mind first and fore--” 

Everything inside and out of Lois’s brain shuts off. Did she just--

Clark’s jaw drops, wild hope Lois doesn’t even think he realizes creeping into the corners of his eyes. “Did you just--” 

“I..” Lois’ brain is now entirely composed of those moments when your CD skips, no words, no feelings, just skips. 

And then, like the greatest gift and curse the Universe could possibly bestow at once, the Cruise Director’s door opens. “Hello,” she says, glancing down at the names on her clipboard and doing a double-take. “Bumpo and Geraldine McTungus?” 

[buckycheri-blog]

Revenge || Bucky x reader AU || Part One

Summary : You hate Bucky Barnes and he hates you back, but what happens when you have to team up against someone you both hate even more ? Pairing : Bucky x reader

Word count : 2541

A/N : This is the first part of the Revenge series and I’m super excited ! I hope you will enjoy it, tell me what you think. English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the potential mistakes. 🖤   There will be more relationship development and dialogue in the next parts!

This party had just begun but you already wanted to go back to your place, far from all these people who seemed to have nothing in common with you. The music was extremely loud yet you could hear uninteresting conversations from here and there, but the only person you were looking for was nowhere to be seen. You were about to give up when a warm hand grabbed your wrist, making you turn around. The sight of this way too familiar face was enough to make your eyes roll, and now you were a hundred percent sure of this : this party was a nightmare.  

  « What do you want, Barnes ?» you sighed, not even trying to be polite. « You’re always so lovely to me Y/N » he said with his usual sarcasm « Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to be a part of my revenge plan. »

  As long as you remembered, you always hated James Barnes. His audacity, his pretentious behavior, the way he talked, the way he laughed at everything and everyone. Sadly you and him had the same friends and this meant that you had to spend time together. Tonight was no different, your friend Nat invited you to this huge party along with Wanda, Sharon, Steve, Thor and his antipathetic brother, Bucky and last but not least, your boyfriend Pietro. You were searching for him when the despicable and annoying James Buchanan Barnes caught your attention.  

« Your revenge plan ? What kind of silly project is that and why would you want my help, out of all these people ? » you complained, gesturing towards the dozens of persons surrounding you two. « I want your help » he declared, getting closer « because when you’re gonna hear what I have to say, you’ll probably want to get that revenge just as much as I do. »  

This caught you off guard. He was angry. He was very, very angry. You hadn’t payed attention to it because you were focusing on finding Pietro, but Bucky looked mad. You frowned, clearly intrigued and you knew he could feel it.

  « What are you talking about, Barnes ? What happened ? »

  He laughed. Yet he wasn’t amused, not a single bit. It was a strangely unsettling laugh, full of irony and now you were not sure if you really wanted to know the answer to your question.

  « My girl just cheated on me » he said, looking straight into your eyes « and she cheated with Pietro. »

  Bucky didn’t let you any time to answer or even think about it. He spoke again, calmly but with insurance and a clear rage.

  « So, are you in ? »

 Six days had passed since that disastrous party, and you had spent those six days locked up in your apartment thinking about all this mess. How could everything have gone wrong in so little time? At first, you thought that Bucky had lied but even James Barnes would never do something so awful, and you had doubted Pietro’s loyalty for a few weeks but you chose to trust him. Idiot. He had tried to call you several times and even came knocking on your door, but you never answered. Then sorrow left and anger came, making you reconsider Bucky’s offer. On the one hand it seemed childish and useless, but on the other hand, the idea of making Pietro suffer just like he made you suffer was tempting.  You slowly got out of your bed, which had been your refuge for the last few days and went to take a shower. The hot water running on your body awakened your sleeping muscles, giving you enough strength to finally decide to go to Barnes'. You then put on the first clothes you found in your closet and a big coat while texting the guy. 

  To : Barnes 💀 At : 11:05 a.m I'm in, Barnes. Will be at your place in 10, you better be there. 

Nat had dragged you to a party at Bucky’s once, his apartment was only a few blocks from yours. You attended the same college but you were not sudying the same things, he was a history student just like Steve. He didn’t answer your text but you kept walking anyway, until you got to his building. 

  « Damn Y/N you look awful, I don't know if I want to let you in now. » you heard the familiar voice coming from above you, making you look up to the third floor's balcony. Here he was, a cigarette between his lips. « You could have at least tried to look human, anyway I’m in a generous mood. I’ll let you in, come on hurry up. »

  Fucking asshole. You were probably going to kill him in the next five minutes if he didn't calm down quickly. You climbed the stairs only to find his door already open, so you went in without bothering to knock. The place was, well, just like Bucky. A mess. There were several clothes on the floor and you noticed the cigarette smell almost immediatly. Apart from that it was quite nice, the decoration was minimalist but the place felt cosy. He finally pulled you out of your thoughts when he slammed the door behind you. You jumped slightly, then silently took off your coat. « Let's make this quick, right ? I thought about what you said and, well, I'm in. They deserve that. » you stated, trying to convince yourself at the same time. He stared at you for a second without saying anything and finally nodded, sitting on the couch.

  « Alright then. Sit down, you look stupid standing there. » You sighed at his usual kindness and then sat at the other end of the sofa. « Did you break up with him yet ? » he asked, and you felt his blue eyes scanning your face but you didn't look back, rather staring at an imaginary point on the wall. You hadn't even thought about it. « I haven't spoken to him since the party, actually. So I guess we're still together, officially at least... »

   You heard him sigh and he sank deeper into the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. When you turned to him, he had closed his eyes and seemed to think peacefully. « Good. That's good. » he finally stated, turning his head so that he could look at you again. « You must not tell him about it, just pretend everything is fine right ? That way it'll be easier to really get him, at least if that's what you really want. » there was defiance in his eyes, just like when he came to talk to you during the party. He was obviously hurt and determined to make them pay for their betrayal. You had thousands of reasons to despise him but you knew one thing, when Bucky Barnes got involved in something, he went all the way till the end. Now there was only one thing to do, prove to him that you always kept your promises too.

  « Of course I do. When do we start ? »

  He smiled, one of those smiles that reflect neither joy nor pleasure, one of those that announce a storm is coming and tells you to get away from it if you want to stay safe. But now you were also part of the storm and it was just the beginning. « We have to establish our plan first, it will probably not be easy and it will take time. I haven’t broken up with Charlotte yet either, I thought it could be the first step. Something big, something she’ll remember for a long time, but she mustn’t understand why because otherwise she might talk to Pietro. » He suggested.

  « Wait a minute, Barnes. Why would you be the one that gets to leave his girlfriend and me, the one that has to stay with her cheating boyfriend? It’s not fair! » you exclaimed, staring at him in disbelief. This guy had nerve, in addition to being a douche. « Because it was my idea and if you accept my plan, you accept my terms, doll. » He shrugged, as if it were obvious. He really had no intention of making an effort so it seemed you were going to have to get used to it.   You spent the next two hours developing a plan and as a true drama queen, he insisted that you both signed a contract, probably because he still doubted your will to hurt Pietro back. It was understandable, you were very attached to this boy and everyone knew it. But he had betrayed your trust and now nothing was stopping you from signing the damn contract, so you did.

  « I think we're good here. See you tomorrow for step one, partner. » He said in his deep and warm voice, standing in front of you next to the front door. His blue eyes were once again immersed in yours, both intimidating and expecting. He held his hand out, and you squeezed it without breaking eye contact.  

You could not manage to find sleep that night, tossing and turning in your bed. You'd never done this kind of stuff before and it seemed completely crazy, but it was too late to give up. You sent a message to Pietro telling him you had been sick and that you had spent a few days with your parents, you apologized for not telling him sooner. It was hard, having to say sorry to the boy who had hurt you so much. But you did not have a choice, it was the plan. You spent several hours like that, lying on your back staring at the ceiling, alone with the little voice in your head that told you again and again that it was the worst idea of your life. Screw you and your ideas, Bucky Barnes.

  You were still awake when your alarm went off, you got up and got ready for what was going to be the first part of the plan. Step one : the breakup. You did your best to hide what tiredness had done to your face, then left for college where Bucky was probably waiting for you already. You had an appointment at nine o'clock, so you had to skip your first class to put your plan into action. Eventually, you had to contact Loki for he worked here as a librarian. It was quite ironic knowing that he was the most mischievous person you'd ever met, but right now that was just what you needed. He had agreed to give you the key to the reception office in exchange for some information about Tony, that he would probably use to get take revenge on him for his latest prank. You felt really bad but hey, that wasn’t really your main problem right now. 

  After getting the keys, you had joined Bucky who was waiting for you in front of the office's door, leaning against the wall. He was dressed all in black, wearing that aviator jacket that made him look super badass. It was really unfair that such an asshole could be so hot.  « You got the keys ? » he asked, his voice more determined than ever and you just nodded. For you it was different, your survival instinct told you to get out of here, that it was madness and you really wanted to listen to it. You were not as serene as he was, after all it was the first time that you were going to break the rules. « I sure do, Barnes. Now just do your part of the job, will you ? » You handed him the keys with a trembling hand. You could have sworn you saw a small smile on his lips at that moment and he finally opened the door. « I'm impressed Y/N. Right, let's do this. »     In the lecture halls, the students were soon surprised to hear a deep masculine voice coming from the speakers. The teachers stopped talking, and everyone was wondering the same thing: what could the reception office have to announce in the middle of class? It was usually closed in the morning and nobody seemed to understand, regarding the questioning looks that everyone exchanged, including Charlotte and Pietro who were sitting on the same row.

  « Students, teachers, this is a special announcement. Important informations have just been sent to us, please listen attentively.  »

  You couldn't help but smirk seeing Bucky so proud, talking in the mic. He spoke with a louder voice so that people would not recognize him, and it was very convincing. You just hoped Charlotte was ready to live the most humiliating moment of her life but still, you felt a little sorry for her cause you knew what was coming.

   « It appears that one of our students, miss Charlotte Peterson, has had a bad, bad behavior. Indeed, witnesses saw her tagging the Head Master's car earlier this morning, writing -and I quote-  "Suck my dick mr Allen”. Not very classy, Charlotte.  »

   You bit your lips as you stared at Bucky's fingers, still covered in red spray paint. He went and found the car while you were getting Loki's keys, and everybody knew how much Mr Allen loved his car. The worst part was that it was your idea. He didn’t say it, but you knew he loved it. Not only did he ruin the 1966 Ford Mustang, but he also made a trip to the cheerleaders' locker room on his way back. How did he get in ? Well you had no idea and he would't tell you. His eyes met yours for a second and he winked, looking like a proud kid.

  «I'm not finished. Other testimonies tell us that earlier this year, Miss Peterson developed an addiction to alcohol and hid some in her locker. I'm sure your coach will love this. And finally, the last piece of information we have just received is this one: besides being an alcoholic vandal, Charlotte Peterson is now also single. »

  For the first time, James Barnes gave you a smile. Not a smirk or a petty grin, a true sincere smile. He was proud, satisfied with this beginning of this revenge but also simply happy. It was probably because of the adrenaline, but it was sincere. He cut the mic and got up from the chair, raising his hand up for a high five. You rolled your eyes before slapping your hand against his, he then grabbed your wrist to leave quickly before someone from the security could find you here. You took the keys and ran off, while in the lecture halls, everyone was shocked and rumors were already spreading everywhere. It was chaos for Charlotte who ran away to escape from the hundreds of eyes staring at her. It was cruel, but she had played with the wrong people, and she just started to loose. 

     Your race stopped in the parking lot where the two of you climbed into Bucky's car. This marked the end of the first stage, and many more awaited you both. Oh you still hated Bucky Barnes, but looking at him from the passenger seat, you couldn't help but love the idea of new adventures together.       •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• And that’s it for the first part ! Tell me if you liked it, tell me if you didn’t and why ♥ The relationship between Bucky & reader will of course develop more in the next parts !    It’s been a long time since most of you asked to be in the taglist so please tell me if you want me to remove your tag ! 

  I hope no one is named Charlotte Peterson here    @itsquies @miss-i-ship-it @shaboibucky @daniellajocelyn  @just-add-butter @baby-daughter @tuliptx @blue-flavor  @n7siha @nakxmadeofiron @readanotherfic @problematicpastry @emiliehelstrom @aweways  @xcrawlerwood @footballimaginessss @milladagirl  @dugan365 @janeyboo @unicorniorosacomefrutillas @starkxpotts @xlostinureyesx @dreamingofonceuponatime @buckyr00s @urlindah @5sos-wdw @yafriendlyfangirl @lokigreyvatore  @emilysallysmith @bloodiedskirtts