#ALSO the way people believe there are no gay people in ohio. there are literally so many gay people here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arpov-blog-blog · 2 years

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Michael Moore thinks that despite the polling and the right leaning mainstream media that seems to regurgitate GOP talking points, there will be a 'Blue Tsunami' election day. Here is more on his thinking..."This is today’s reason why we will win in Roevember: in spite of successful Republican attempts to make it harder to vote — especially for students, the poor, working moms, Black and Brown people — we still have more days and ways now to vote than we did before the pandemic. In fact, if you live in Ohio, you can go vote today! In Michigan, we’ve been voting since it was 90 degrees and sweltering in September! In fact, in Michigan and a few other states, you can register to vote right up until what we still call “Election Day!”

Republicans — aka, the anti-Democracy Party of Trump — hate this. Because of Covid, everyone agreed back in 2020 that we had to make it easy for people to vote safely without contracting the virus. Turns out, all kinds of people loved voting in these new ways.

Despite a deadly pandemic, we not only had the highest voter turnout of the 21st century with 67% of Americans voting, we also shattered the record of nontraditional voting with 69% of those who voted doing so early — either in-person or by mail. And PEW found the country, for once, was in agreement — the majority of both Biden voters (82%) and Trump voters (62%) cast their ballots before election day. And this year, they didn’t want to go back to the old way.

Yet for the past two years we’ve faced attempts by Republican-led state legislatures to get rid of all the new ways people like to vote. And now there are, in many red states, fewer early voting days, fewer polling places — and in some cities with large populations, there’s only one Dropbox. Ha!

Why don’t they want to make it easy for the citizens to vote? Because they know and agree with me on what I’ve been telling you since Midterm Tsunami Truth #1 — that there are more, many more, of us than them! And that means they can’t win unless they try to prevent some of the majority — us! —from voting. Take this as a compliment. They are so scared of us and the power of our multi-million majority, they have literally lost their minds. Gone bonkers. Cuckoo for Cocco Puffs crazy!

I mean, in just the past decade, they’ve been forced to endure a Black President, the gays all getting married, and hysterical women now making up the majority of both our medical schools AND law schools!

“How in sweet Jesus’ name did this happen?! Marijuana everywhere! The churches are empty, young people don’t want to kill deer or ducks, you can’t bum a cigarette anymore because so few people smoke now! Vegans roaming everywhere, pronouns, so many pronouns, you don’t know who is who or what is they! Madness! Quick — close the borders! They’re trying to replace us! Mommy! Mommy! I‘M SCARED!!!”

Phew. It’s exhausting. But just like those who swore they’d never get in a horseless carriage or allow dangerous electrical wires into the walls of their homes, they will sooner or later get used to gays and their wedding cakes, and their very own kids teaching them about race and anti-racism. They will, in the next decade, learn to accept the free universal health care and day care we’re going to give them. They’re going to get a guaranteed vacation by law and paid time off when they have a baby or their parents take ill. These will be bitter pills for them to swallow, but eventually they’ll see that we meant well and we did this for them even though they didn’t vote for our candidates or listen to hip-hop or believe in Beyoncé or Buddha. We’ve always loved Uncle Bob, even though he drives us crazy.

And on November 8th, their efforts to suppress the majority will fail — but not only because we will rise up, but because in their race to remain in power, they outmaneuvered themselves, and forgot to check their blind spot."

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mishafletcher · 4 years

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Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping.

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but—

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something.

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers.

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too.

#queer stuff #lgbtq #gold star lesbians #long post #sorry #Anonymous

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jaskiers-sweetkiss · 3 years

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Coffee Shop Kisses

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1.5K

Request: something soft with Yelena from @bright-molina

Summary: After moving back to her small Ohio hometown, the reader bumps into an old friend at her favorite coffee shop.

Warnings: none ?

A/N: Happy incredibly belated Birthday Bianca!!! Sorry this took so long for me to write but I really hope you like it!! This fic has everything: the gays, some light pinning, and chai lattes !

Masterlist

___

You couldn’t believe you were back in your small Ohio hometown. When you moved away after high school it was never your intention to come back but clearly, fate didn’t have the same plans as you drove through your childhood neighborhood.

It was nostalgic, driving through the familiar streets despite the changes in the neighborhood since your childhood. While the houses had mostly remained the same, you knew many of their occupants had changed. The Browns no longer lived in the house two doors down from yours, having retired to Florida not long after their children had moved out, and many other family’s you’d known growing up had followed suit. Others had downsized to smaller houses in other parts of the city, no longer needing the extra space. Now the neighborhood was filled with new families, young parents taking advantage of the location to raise their children.

Still, the atmosphere was largely the same, and if you let yourself you could almost imagine that the kids playing in the front yards and the street or biking through the neighborhood, calling out to friends as they passed, were the kids you’d grown up with.

It was strange, being back home. It felt stranger still to call it “home.”

It didn’t take long for you to fall back into a routine, despite the lingering nostalgia. You woke up every morning with just enough time to get ready and drive downtown to work, if you were lucky you’d end up with a few extra minutes to stop into your favorite coffee shop from your teenage years, which was conveniently located a couple doors down from your office. It was simple, sure, but it worked for you.

On the weekends you always made a point to walk to that downtown coffee shop with a book or some other activity, preferring the ambiance and the subtle noise of the building and its other patrons over the still silence of your house. Plus they had amazing drinks so you really couldn’t lose.

Normally you enjoyed taking in the hustle and bustle of the small town around you as people completed their weekly errands, but that day you were lost in your head as you walked along the sidewalk. It wasn’t as if you were thinking about anything in particular (when reflecting back later you’d merely blame it on having had a long week at work), but rather than enjoy the people watching as you normally would, you let them all pass you by without a single glance, all the way down the street and into the line at your coffee shop. You ordered your usual without much fanfare, still having the presence of mind to drop your change into the tip jar on the counter. It wasn’t until you had gotten your drink that you were thrust out of your thoughts, quite literally.

You had only just turned around from the counter, about to start scanning the cafe for a seat when you were knocked to the ground, your drink spilling in your hands.

“Oh my god, are you alright?” Disoriented and still in a haze, the thick Russian accent of the woman who had spoken caught your attention.

A hand reached down into your line of sight and you took it gratefully, managing to keep the pitiful drops of unspilled chai latte in your cup as you were pulled to your feet.

“Let me buy you a new drink,” she offered though you barely heard her.

Now that you were back on your feet you got a better look at the woman who had bumped into you. She was of average height and had her blonde hair pulled into a double ponytail. You didn’t know any Russians but you could’ve sworn you’d met before.

“Do I know you?” You blurted out before you could think and the other woman blinked at you in surprise, brows lifting slightly.

“Perhaps,” she shrugged, “I used to live around here when I was younger.”

You narrowed your eyes at that, certain you would’ve remembered growing up alongside a Russian family, everyone you remembered was as American as they come. It was a small town in Ohio, after all.

“So did I,” you spoke slowly, still trying to ponder it out in your head. “Over on Brown.”

Her eyes narrowed at that, now scrutinizing you as well.

“I grew up on State Street.”

That’s when it clicked for you. You remembered them; family of four, two daughters. Natasha used to ride her bike down your street all the time which meant the woman in front of you must be…

“Yelena?”

“You remember me?”

“Yeah, holy shit! Your sister rode her bike through my mom’s flowers one time by accident, pissed her off for the whole summer. Plus, we went to preschool together.”

“Wait, Y/N Y/L/N?”

“In the flesh,” you replied, spreading your arms out dramatically.

Yelena took that as an invitation to really study you then, eyes flitting up and down as she fully took you in.

“You grew up quite nicely,” she spoke, tone appreciative and you found yourself blushing.

“I- I could say the same thing about you,” you stumbled over your words, feeling flustered. “I don’t remember you being Russian.”

You mentally cursed yourself for once again blurting something out before you could even think about it.

Yelena laughed at that and you couldn’t help but find yourself smiling at the sound. She had a cute laugh. It was fitting.

“Yes, well, my ‘family' and I were actually part of a Russian spy organization, sent to infiltrate a nearby SHIELD facility for some information, so,” she shrugged and you laughed at first, assuming she was joking before you realized she wasn’t laughing along.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Why would I lie?”

You fumbled around with your words at that, unable to come up with a proper response but feeling as though you needed to say something anyway.

“How about I buy you a drink and you tell me about it?” You finally settled on saying and Yelena’s brows lifted again in surprise.

“Sure, but I’m buying the drinks. I owe you for spilling your first one.”

You nodded in agreement, somehow having forgotten all about your spilled drink in the excitement of reconnecting with an old friend. An old friend who was very attractive, if you were being fully honest with yourself.

With new drinks ordered and retrieved, the two of you made your way to a small table by the front window of the cafe. True to your agreement, Yelena explained to you that her “family” when she’d lived in Ohio wasn’t actually her family at all, the entire thing fabricated for their mission, and that after their success she continued to work for the organization before finally getting out as an adult. She skimmed on a lot of the details but you got the sense that the entire ordeal was traumatic for her so you didn’t press. Though, you were quite amazed that the woman across from you (and the tiny blonde girl you’d played dolls with as a kid) was a former spy and assassin. In comparison, your own life story was much less exciting, though you guessed it also held much less trauma as well. Still, Yelena asked and she listened intently as you explained how you’d wound up back in your hometown all these years later.

After that, the conversation seemed to flow seamlessly from one topic to another, and it was so nice to talk to a friend and catch up that you didn’t even realize how much time had passed until you went to take a sip from your long-forgotten chai and found it ice cold. You checked your phone and were surprised to see that nearly two hours had passed and while you were planning on spending much longer at the cafe anyway, it still caught you off guard.

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I keeping you from something?” Yelena asked, having noticed you checking the time.

“No!” You rushed to reassure her before flushing slightly at the knee-jerk reaction. “No, I just hadn’t realized how much time has passed. It’s been really nice to see you.”

“It’s been nice to see you too, perhaps we can do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that a lot.” You tried to fight the heat that you felt rushing to your cheeks once more. You weren’t sure if she meant it the same way you did.

“Me too,” she replied softly, ducking her head so that her face was out of view. “I actually do have to get going but maybe we can meet here again next week?”

“Absolutely!” You nodded, trying not to seem too eager and failing miserably. “It’s a date.”

Once again the words slipped out on their own accord and you were left scrambling to do damage control.

“I- I mean like, y’know-”

“A date is good,” Yelena cut you off with a smirk, though you could’ve sworn you could see your own nerves reflected in her eyes.

“A date then,” you agreed, flashing a nervous smile.

“Goodbye, Y/N.” She stood from her chair with a smile, pausing on her way to the door to press a quick peck to your cheek, and then she was gone.

You sat there, still as a statue, for quite some time afterward, your fingertips lightly grazing over where Yelena’s lips had been moments before. You really loved this coffee shop.

#yelena belova #yelena x reader #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova fic #black widow #mcu #mcu fic #black widow movie #erin takes requests #bianca my love #erin writes

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uhthor · 3 years

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Liv,,, the Loki finale,,, a tragedy. I want to hear all of your rants about it and also fuck d*sney

hello sweetie it’s been almost 48 hours and i’m still in shock and disbelief that the finale was that messy but i’ll try my best!

first of all, kang was the highlight of the episode. yes, his chat was long and complicated but jonathan majors was very very good and i cannot wait to see more of him in the mcu!

second, loki himself was incredible as always, sylvie was incredible, mobius was incredible & hunter b-15 was incredible. i have qualms about how messy it all was in the end with ravonna and wtf she been off doing (why were the minute men in ohio finding her on earth? there was no real conclusion to that, no real ending to her storyline and hunter b-15’s self realisation and rebellion which annoyed me to no end) and the ending was a dumpster fire cluster fuck. all three of the shows have been so ambitious with their plotting in the first 3/4 of the series and then the finales are just trying to wrap up so many things that nothing gets the justice it deserves and they need to Stop That Right Now because they just fall FLAT and disappoint

but the k!ss...... literally ruined the whole thing for me. loki as a character went through so much growth in a six episode series and i couldn’t be prouder of the way he changed and learned to believe in himself and that he was worthy of happiness. it’s truly some of the best work we’ve seen with loki in the entire mcu in my opinion.

miss minutes offered him a place in the timeline where he kills thanos and rules asgard and the loki in episode one would have jumped at that opportunity quicker than anything. episode six loki shed a few tears and remembered that he was worth more than that. that the cause was worth more than that, that people other than himself were worth saving and rescuing from the tva.

is that not the most incredible growth for loki? is that not the best growth we have seen alongside his growth in ragnarok? his main reasoning for not killing kang was to be able to help others and for sylvie to be okay. the fact the writers turned all of the growth he had made due to meeting sylvie on its head and had them kiss will always be disgusting to me.

they set the series up so well for loki to discover self love and worth through meeting sylvie, especially in that he said he just wanted sylvie to be okay in episode six — to me it will always still stand that loki learned to love himself and believe in his own worth through discovering he cared about sylvie in a non romantic way and that it changed him as a person. seeing a storyline of loki learning to love himself after a decade in the mcu of being made to be so inferior to everyone else by the people around him would have been the biggest love letter to loki and to loki’s fans, and tom.

it’s just so unfair and sad that they went down the route that they did. loki and sylvie had such a good relationship, something i saw parallel loki and thor’s relationship in the last ten years, and after loki was taken from the timeline and never allowed to see thor ever again, something good and stable and healthy loki could have had in his life from then onward.

but noooooo they had to make it romantic. they had to make things weird and they had to throw away a relationship they’d built so nicely with loki and mobius, too. people keep claiming that it wasn’t a romantic kiss and that sylvie was doing it to manipulate him and hit him where it hurts but as i re-emphasise again... there are literally thousands of other ways she could have done that. she could have hugged him. she could have just straight up pushed him. she could’ve pulled a hans of the southern isles and cupped his face and THEN pushed him. there literally had to be no romance involved. it was a choice made directly by marvel to engage in a selfcest relationship. there’s no ambiguity about it.

it also irritated me that people were saying it was typical for loki to fall for himself. we’re seeing a loki in this series like we’ve never seen before. he is so afraid of being alone and very clearly hates himself so much that to me, i don’t think he’d ever fall for himself. yes, he’s narcissistic, but he’s acknowledged that it’s only covering his absolute fear of being alone. i don’t think in any given circumstance would loki fall for himself because he loves himself. loki doesn’t love himself, which is one of the tragedies that this series focused on and created a beautiful journey with.

by meeting sylvie and learning that he cares about her and that she cares about him and believes that she deserved her own happy ending made him realise that he also deserves that, too. that’s the greatest love story that marvel should have written in this series after all the shit loki has been through. having him loving sylvie because she replicates his own self love and wanting her to be okay and have a happy ending is the way it should’ve gone. they are the same person, variations of the same person. her name is literally sylvie laufeydottir. they’re practically siblings. musical composer for the show natalie holt has said and i quote that loki looks at sylvie like he looks at his mother. ?!!!??!!!!!!??!??!? they’re family and it’s so so fucking weird for them to be romantic. it just ruined all of the work and excellence they provided in the first five and a half episodes and it pissed me off so bad. marvel have the uncontrollable need to pair every m/f that speak to each other for more than five minutes (st*ggy), even if they have no chemistry (bruc*nat, st*ron), EVEN IF THEY ARE RELATED OR THE SAME PERSON but won’t touch same sex relationships with a barge pole. funny, that

i just wanted the finale to solidify all of this — loki finally learning to love himself and discover that he has self worth and cares for others after his journey through the mcu being one of pure pain and suffering. i just wanted it to make sense and set up something with a tiny bit of coherence but i left the series more confused than i have ever been and just angry and betrayed really.

obviously i will watch season two and can only hope that things are fixed (wtf is going on with ravonna, hunter b-15, where is kid loki and allokigator, was the k!ss truly romantic, will they denounce all the selfcest etc. etc.) and don’t even get me started on the ending with mobius... not a jet ski in sight just fucking suffering. like twelve of my mutuals predicted he’d have his memories wiped yet it wasn’t any less painful when i saw it happen. justice for wowki, the actual only good and coherent and healthy relationship to come out of this series </3

also can someone PLEASE tell me if they saw casey anywhere cause eugene cordero was credited but i never saw my boy ONCE! he deserved BETTER!!!!

ok think i’m done tldr: fuck the finale i am gay and confused

#liv answers #saintfaustus #long post #this got way long and i’m sorry i had so much to say #i just was so angry and upset with the massive clusterfuck we got with this finale #anti sylki #loki

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muckrakerhq · 4 years

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PRESENTING … FONDUE FOR TWO, HOSTED BY JOEY HUMMEL-ANDERSON.

featuring… this week’s guests, @giannastone & @angel-alexanderr

fondue for two is a weekly internet talk show hosted by joey hummel-anderson. fondue for two, joey, and the muckraker team strive to get all the steaming gossip while he interviews guests of his choice over a steaming pot of cheese.

[JOEY'S ROOM, SAME SET AS BEFORE]

JOEY: Hello everyone and welcome back to Fondue for Two! We're doing a Glee Club edition this month, which means that I will invite the captains of each glee club that actually matter around here... Today we have the captain of the Warblers, also known as my boyfriend, Xan Puckerman! And we have a very good friend of mine, Gigi Stone! She's not captain of the Canaries, but after the so called slushie incident, Aubrey won't talk to me... Either way, are you guys excited to be here?

XAN : Always excited to be in your bedroom, Joseph.

GIGI: Can we keep the flirting to a minimum today, boys? But yeah, I’m excited to be here. You clearly made the best decision by inviting the most talented Canary.

JOEY: Don't worry Gigi, we'll try. Okay, first question is for Xan... Is it true that everyone at Dalton is gay? Or is that a rumor that was created many years ago?

XAN : While I personally believe that everyone is at least a little gay. The number of out and proud homosexuals at Dalton Academy is lower than you might think. So yeah...definitely a rumor. Possibly a little bit of a problematic one while we're at it.(edited)

JOEY: Well... That's interesting to know. But I'm pretty sure that most people will still think that. Gigi, next question is for you! Do you have a date for Candyland? And if you do, who is it?

GIGI: Duh. Of course I do. I’m going with your brother, actually. Trace asked me the other day.

XAN : Love that for you two.

GIGI: He’s so cute, right? I’m excited.

JOEY: He didn't tell me that! That's cute... Why did you say yes? You know what, that's not important... Since we're talking about Valentine's Day, the next question is for you two: if we weren't all going to Breadstix, what would your perfect Valentine's Day be like? JOEY: Let's stop talking about my brother...

XAN : honestly? i'm not a big holiday person. being born on a holiday kinda ruined all holidays for me i think. but for sake of not looking like an asshole on the internet, i'll say i would be doing something cute with my boyfriend

GIGI: That’s... cute. In a sad sort of way. My perfect Valentine’s Day is being pampered from start to finish. Flowers, jewelry, chocolate. The whole nine yards. GIGI: Trace, if you’re watching this.. Play your cards right and you might be promoted from bench warmer to MVP.

JOEY: 4th of July is a holiday? I thought people just liked to throw fireworks on that day because it's fun, I don't know... But all of those are good answers. Okay, next question, what is the hottest piece of gossip going on at your schools right now? And this is an important one.

XAN : i'm simply not a messy bitch so i have no clue.

JOEY: C'mon, there's gotta be something going on at Dalton!

GIGI: Margot’s dad like literally paid off our coach so she could have a solo at Regionals. Embarrassing, right? Couldn’t be me.

XAN: i will not tolerate Margot slander in my presence. XAN: she's my favorite canary.

JOEY: Wait, did she really do that? Who told you that? I need to know if this is real. Sorry Xanny!

GIGI: It’s literally all anyone can talk about at Crawford? Which is annoying because there’s a lot more interesting things to talk about, but regardless, let’s just say it’s not the first time it’s happened.

JOEY: You heard it here first, people! It won't be a problem though, since you guys lost either way... So sorry about that. But at least the Warblers won! Moving on, who do you guys think will win at Nationals?

XAN : i might be biased. but this is the most competitive warblers year of recent years. i think we could go all the way.

GIGI: Obviously Vocal Adrenaline. No offense to either of you. GIGI: Well, I guess that’ll only happen if they finally kick Giardi off the team.

XAN : i will say...i've heard some rumors about vocal adrenaline's regionals set and i'm a little....terrified for lack of a better word.

GIGI: Say more.

JOEY: Say more right now!

XAN : not to incriminate myself, but i produce rap tracks for this freshman in the warblers. In exchange, he keeps tabs on some of the other show choirs in ohio. let's just say....vocal adrenaline is tributing one of the best vocalists of all time. XAN : expect to cry if you have tickets this weekend.

JOEY: Dua Lipa?

XAN: Not Dua Lipa babes.

GIGI: Interesting. Thanks for the tip, Puckerman.

JOEY: Well, that's kind of scary then... But to answer my own question, I'm sure that the New Directions have a chance too, but we'll see... JOEY: Next question, while we're talking about the show choir world, am I the only one who thinks there's some sexual tension between Julien and Gooby?

XAN : who the hell is gooby?

JOEY: Davis!

XAN: I don't know. That guy gives off heavy asexual vibes to me. Like the definition of soulless automaton. I should know I shared a room with him on the ski trip.

GIGI: (laughs) Davis is the farthest thing from asexual. Soulless? You might be onto something there.

XAN: have you copulated with the enemy???

JOEY: Yeah, have you Gigi? Because that's kind of weird and I can only imagine having sex with Gooby is like sleeping next to a loud breather...

XAN: Or a very unsexy android

JOEY: Or even an emotionless Henry Cavill!

GIGI: Do you two seriously live under a rock? Davis and I have been on and off for the past year and a half or so.

XAN: i don't really pay attention to heterosexual mating patterns...

JOEY: Wait... I thought people from Vocal Adrenaline weren't supposed to sleep with people from other schools... Isn't that why Ivy broke up with Julien?

XAN: i thought Ivy broke up with Julien because he's a cabbage patch kid in a high schooler's body

GIGI: I don’t know why Ivy broke up with Julien, and quite frankly, I don’t care. And to answer your question, they can’t date people from opposing teams during competition season.

JOEY: (chuckles at Xan's comment) Xan, don't be mean! JOEY: Well, yeah, but... Haven't you guys been hooking up for the past year? How does that work?

GIGI: Next question. I didn’t come on here to talk about Davis.

XAN: You heard the lady, stinky.

JOEY: Fine... Who do you think is going to be the most shocking couple at Candyland?

GIGI: Some of these losers actually landing dates is shocking in itself, but I, for one, am interested to see who shows up with the belle of the ball.

XAN: i don’t know about shocking, but I watched Chad texting Bri while we were eating at breastix....and if those two end up back together it would be the LEAST shocking thing in recent history. XAN: actually no...the canaries losing with an all country set would be the least shocking thing in recent history

GIGI: Interesting jab from someone who sang songs from a children’s movie. All I have to say on that front is that the Canaries will never be singing another country song again. You can bet on it.

JOEY: Chad and Bri dated? I had no idea about that... JOEY: But I have to agree with Xan, it was kind of lame... And Trolls isn't a kids' movie! It's a movie for all ages! I love that movie... I'm kind of curious to see who Leo McCarthy is going with, I feel like I haven't seen him in a long time. JOEY: What do you mean about the Canaries though? I thought Aubrey was captain still...

GIGI: And I thought Ivy would never let Julien out of her clutches, but here we are.

XAN: (laughs) not clutches!

JOEY: Okay... Well, that's all the time we have! Before you go, you have to say one nice thing about Gil the Fish... I feel like we haven't been giving him enough attention lately. [points at his fish bowl]

GIGI: I think it’s SO sweet that you bought a fish that looks like Kenna Giardi.

XAN: gil don't listen to her she didn't mean that. you're much sexier than kenna giardi!

JOEY: And that's it! Thank you for being here and for everyone else, don't forget to tune in for Fondue for Two some other time! Bye!

[ THE END ]

#Fondue For Two #fft: episode vi #gianna stone #xan puckerman #joey hummel-anderson

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gleekto · 4 years

Text

Even Better Than the Real Thing (3/15)

Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV

Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA, and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.

He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.

Part 1, Part 2

Even Better Than the Real Thing (3/15)

LimaBlaineFan: Spoiler alert - My source is back. He is going to be meeting Blaine tonight.

After Wednesday’s official announcement that Blaine Anderson had been cast as Rachel’s musically talented but romantically challenged love interest, Colin Red, on That’s So Rachel, Kurt’s followers jumped again. 331 more this time. It’s the credibility surge - not that he’d ever be a troll.

Kurt realizes he’s in a potentially problematic position, with one foot venturing into the real life filming world of Blaine Anderson, and his other foot firmly in the fantastical world of fandom. He realizes that he could end up in a conflict of interest, or with inside information that he clearly can’t share or worse, that he accidentally does. But who’s he kidding? He’s just been gifted a fan’s dream ticket of a non-fandom interaction with his celebrity crush. Yeah there might be consequences, but for now Kurt plans to enjoy having his cake and eating it too.

Kurt puts the finishing touches on his cocktail party outfit - layered blacks and greys for the cool fall day with a perfectly fitted long jacket. Sophisticated without looking like he’s trying too hard to impress very impressive company.

“Kurt, you ready?” Rachel is already halfway out the door as he grabs his phone and notices the red private message alert beside the growing notes on his “my source is going to meet Blaine” post.

MercedesSing!: It’s you, isn’t it? You remember that I know that Rachel Berry is your roommate, right?

Kurt types quickly as he exits the apartment. Can’t talk now with a winky emoji.

...

The cocktail party for the cast of That’s So Rachel isn’t exactly what Kurt was expecting. With Patti and Barbra, he expected glitz and glamour, unlimited martinis, caviar, and free air pods in an obnoxious swag bag. Instead, there is some nice red wine, hot dogs in a blanket, fried mushrooms on a stick, and a take home cookie with a cartoon face of a smiling Rachel Cherry. Low key and almost relaxed. And he will definitely enjoy biting off Rachel’s head.

Kurt relaxes at the less intense than expected atmosphere, and manages to be an excellent plus one for Rachel’s idols turned TV moms. He and Rachel are so engaged discussing the brilliance of a gender reversed ‘Company’ with Patti, and his own lauded rendition of Rose’s Turn from his high school Glee club, that he almost forgets that Blaine Anderson is coming. Almost.

When Patti is called over to meet one of the executives, and he and Rachel are left with a cone of appetizer fries in hand by the wine bar, he starts to get nervous. His eyes wander, trying not to search but definitely searching. There’s Jesse St. James who is playing Rachel’s music teacher talking to the showrunner. There are the friendly hair and makeup gang over by the couches. Rachel points out another couple of young women who will be playing Rachel’s friends. But no Blaine Anderson. Kurt tries not to look distracted.

“Rachel, hey!”

Just from the voice Kurt knows.

“Oh Blaine, hi,” Rachel turns around to a smiling and wow really quite perfectly dressed Blaine Anderson, approaching from the back door.

“Sorry I’m late. I just had to finish up filming before running home for a quick shower.”

“Great to see you. We were just-”

“That is a really great outfit. Especially the shoes.” The words just fall out of Kurt’s mouth as he swings on the balls of his feet. Could he make a more awkward first impression? He apparently can’t keep his mouth shut when it comes to red shiny shoes perfectly matched with a soft red cardigan, skinny tie and jeans that fit just so. Somehow Blaine is even more warm and gorgeous in-person and wow, does he have style. Which Kurt appreciates - unfortunately, out loud.

“Oh. Thank you.” Blaine looks slightly surprised but not put off by Kurt’s over enthusiasm. “I could say the same to you,” Blaine grins now, eyeing Kurt’s grey sweater-blazer, which does look great, Kurt admits. He feels like the fanboy at Comicon. “I don’t believe we’ve met,” Blaine says. “I’m Blaine Anderson.” He extends his hand.

I know, Kurt thinks, smiling dumbly. I know. “I’m Rachel’s roommate.” Kurt shakes his hand - warm, soft, firm. Of course he would have a firm handshake. Kurt keeps smiling, hoping he’s being polite, but there’s an awkward silence.

“Kurt,” Rachel adds. “This is my roommate, Kurt Hummel.” Great. He forgot to say his name. Nothing like a first impression.

“It’s nice to meet you, Kurt.” He knows that people in fandom who have had the luck to meet Blaine in person have said it, but he can now verify that Blaine really is good at that eye contact thing. His eyes are focused right on him and Kurt is sure he will drown. Kurt nods, trying not to seem like he’s staring. “How did you two meet?”

Rachel looks at Kurt, waiting for him to speak, probably because Blaine is looking at him, and not at Rachel. When he doesn’t say anything, Rachel eventually chimes in. “We went to high school together in Lima, Ohio-”

“The thriving metropolis,” Kurt manages to snap out of his stupor to give a shout out to his hick hometown. Blaine nods, laughing. He’s still looking at him.

“I know what you mean.”

“You do?”

“I’m from Ohio, too. Westerville.” Kurt knows that. “Not exactly the best place for a wannabe actor to grow up.” Blaine went to the prestigious Dalton Academy - also known as the gay Hogwarts of the Midwest. And he is absolutely not going to ask him about that.

“Fair,” Kurt replies, still smiling like a starstruck fanboy. He is a starstruck fanboy. And before Blaine notices, or worse, before he says something stupid, he figures he should exit while he’s ahead - leaving no damage in case they actually do meet again. “It was nice to meet you, Blaine and I’ll leave you two to talk shop. My glass is empty and I’m going to get another red while the line is short.”

Kurt takes a deep breath while he waits in line. Conversation completed and no harm done. Rachel and Blaine are talking animatedly about something or other and he has a moment to breathe as he makes his way to the bartender, “Merlot, s’il vous plait?”

“You speak French?” Kurt turns to see a once again grinning Blaine Anderson, who has somehow appeared behind him in line. What?

“Me?”

Blaine gives him a quizzical look. “You did just speak French to the bartender, right?”

“Oh! Oh yeah, of course. I don’t really speak. I just took French in high school.”

“A Corona please,” Blaine asks the same bartender as Kurt turns to walk away, red wine in hand, “Hey Kurt. Wait up.” Kurt freezes. Okay. “Cheers,” Blaine says as he chinks his beer bottle to Kurt’s wine glass. “Sometimes it’s nice to just have a drink and chill at these events, you know?” Blaine leans into him so he can hear what he’s saying in the noise of the crowd. “It’s a lot of industry people and a lot of being on. They’re great. Don’t get me wrong. But it takes a lot of focus to say all the right things to Patti Lupone.”

“Oh my god, I know. I just met her.” Kurt agrees. “I’m studying at LAADA so Rachel wanted to make sure I made the connection-”

“You’re at LAADA? That’s awesome. Such a great school,” Blaine knocks into his side. “You know if I hadn’t gotten my part on Sing!-” Kurt keeps his face neutral, “I would have gone into musical theatre. Did you do Glee Club with Rachel?”

“She’s already told you about Glee?” Kurt says. “Guilty. We weren’t exactly the top of the social pyramid at a football crazed school in Lima, Ohio.”

“I was in Glee club in Westerville, too, way back when. Dalton Academy?”

“Oh yeah,” Kurt nods nonchalantly. “The Warblers, right? I think we competed against them a couple of times two years ago.”

“Yeah,” Blaine nods fondly. “We were strangely revered by the boys at the school but Dalton was still very much an old boys’ club in the middle of Ohio. It’s not the progressive mecca some may think it is.”

“I may have heard a rumour-” Kurt pauses.

“Yeah, no. It’s not the gay Hogwarts,” Blaine makes quotation marks with his fingers. “Not when I was there at least. I was out but I never had a boyfriend until I moved to LA.” How can he be having this conversation? “But then I got Sing! and you know, dating wasn’t so easy.”

“It wasn’t?” Because Kurt is pretty sure that there would be boys literally lining up for a chance at a date with fandom’s most eligible sweetheart.

“No,” Blaine shrugs. “It’s really hard to meet people when you’re on a show like that, you know? Constantly in the spotlight, or in the selfie camera. It becomes hard to distinguish between fan and friend.” Kurt’s eyebrows rise. “And with that schedule on Sing! - I was too busy for anything serious, anyways.” Kurt nods keeping his face as flat as possible while his heart beats out of his chest, hoping Blaine can’t hear it over the background music. “I should apologize. I’m doing all the talking. What about you, Kurt? Do you have a boyfriend?”

What.

“Who me?” Kurt is taken aback. The combination of the very chill and bizarrely intimate conversation he’s having with Blaine Celebrity-of-My-Dreams Anderson, while being casually asked about his (non-existent) love life, the assumption that he’s gay and could be taken so obvious and ordinary, makes him feel like he’s in the Twilight Zone. He is in the Twilight Zone - he is talking about his love life with Blaine Anderson. He needs to compose himself. “Oh no. No no. Like you said, small town Ohio is not exactly a gay mecca. Just swinging and single,” Kurt says awkwardly. He knows he’s beet red but Blaine bites his lower lip and his smile gets wider.

“Blaine!” Jesse St. James from across the room, beckons him over. “Come here. Meet Joan Silver - she’s the executive producer.” Blaine looks up at the ceiling and sighs.

“I’m being summoned,” Blaine says and Kurt nods, still feeling surreal. Blaine reaches out and squeezes Kurt’s upper arm, “Really nice to meet you,” He winks, “Rachel’s roommate.”

#even better than the real thing #gleekto writes #ahhh the meet cute

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clericbyers · 5 years

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I JUST CONNECTED A DOT okay so i was thinking about it and?? remember that news program at the end of s3?? where they’re talking about like demonic powers at work in hawkins or w/e and zoom in on the dnd book?? when i first watched i was like “haha funny they think it’s caused by dnd” bUT WHAT IF IT IS BC MINDFLAYER IS HOMOPHOBIA AND UPSIDEDOWN STUFF IS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO FIND AND DND IS BYLER AND THEY’RE COMING TO TERMS WITH THEIR FEELINGS AND SGDJGKBGNGNFNDJFKFK -7s

OH??? OH....ohhhh...I think you connected some dots here! Let’s get into it, yeah?

So, this is the shot in the TV special broadcast about Hawkins where D&D is mentioned.

The narrator says, “Some believe a rise in Satanism is to blame.” Blame for what? Blame for the mysterious happenings in the heartland / Hawkins in particular.

Now, as you said it’s funny that the focus is on D&D here when it comes to “rise in Satanism”. The 80s was full of “Satanic Panic” (like rock and roll and punk and horror films and all that) as much as it was about the Soviet Union and the Cold War. It was sometimes tied hand in hand. D&D was considered “Satan’s game” back in the day, much how I guess it’s seen in today’s time that video games with gun violence encourage people kids to use guns. D&D was thought to be the game occults, Satanists, and witches used to recruit kids into their cults. The obsession with these role-played characters was often mislinked to the role players’ deaths, in particular, the story of James Dallas Egbert III in 1979. Long story short, Egbert was a 16-year-old super genius, but he had a lot of stress from school and his parents as part of the prodigy circuit, he wasn’t very popular, and he coped by diving into drugs and D&D. When he disappeared, D&D was to blame, but there was also information about his drug use and his struggle with coming to terms with and hiding his homosexuality. Yup, Dallas was gay.

Talk about Egbert’s drug use and sexuality didn’t float for his parents so the detective, William Dear, (he later wrote a book about it all) turned media attention toward D&D (for the sake of privacy) but the media ran with that blamed Egbert’s disappearance on delusion thanks to LARPing via D&D. Egbert was then thought to have been sacrificed in a Satanic ritual as D&D has in the DM guide (paraphrasing a bit here but you get the point) and basically, D&D was hailed as the evil Satanic game in the media. There’s more to the story of course but I’ll stop there for the sake of keeping to what dots we want to connect here about D&D, Satanism, the UD/MF, and Byler. (Which is such an odd sentence but anyway, let’s move on.)

You know what else is deemed satanic, especially in the 80s? Homosexuality. And if the Upside Down / Mind Flayer represents homosexuality and/or at least internalized homophobia, and the Upside Down is the Satanic presence in Hawkins that is to blame for the conspiracies and evil in the town, then the connection of bringing up D&D, thought to be a game for Satanists, when referencing what is to blame for the evil in Hawkins makes sense. But we know that D&D is also the metaphor used for Mike and Will’s relationship. A gay relationship that would have been seen as satanic just as much as D&D was in their time. So Satanism is to blame, Satanism tied to D&D, D&D being tied to Mike and Will’s shifting relationship, a relationship that, if it was only friendship, would not be considered evil.

“Some believe a rise in Satanism is to blame,” can then be turned into, “Some believe a rise in D&D is to blame.” Knowing that the events of the UD/MF are based off the campaign the Party is playing, we can then substitute D&D for the MF as so: “Some believe a rise in the Mind Flayer’s presence is to blame.” Also knowing that D&D is the show’s metaphor for Mike and Will’s relationship gives you, “Some believe a rise in homosexuality is to blame.” Homosexuality is akin to Satanism for many at this time, especially in the heartland of America, so it’s an apt substitution even without referencing the Mind Flayer. Thing is, what is a “rise in homosexuality” anyway? And that brings me back to your point about Mike and Will coming to terms with their feelings.

The part of the Mind Flayer that was in Will still exists in this dimension and that is what they fight off in ST3. If the Mind Flayer represents puberty and growing up, that also includes coming to grips with one’s sexuality and facing both internalized homophobia and homosexuality itself. I’ll note that Will knows the Mind Flayer is back after he’s just finished destroying his childhood safe space and has to come to grips with liking Mike and Mike (in his mind) not liking him back. He knows the terrors of being gay and the internalized hatred of it is back, he has that connection to it because it is his darkness, the part of the Mind Flayer in him that stayed, the part of his thoughts filled with love for Mike and self-hatred for feeling that way, has come to terrorize Hawkins again.

The Mind Flayer is defeated by happy memories, by comfort, by love: the opposite of the darkness that it is. The opposite of hatred is love after all! That being said, it also means that the Party as a whole has bonded again through love themselves (as we see when they finally reunite just in time for the final battle). Mike and Will though have a schism that is tied to the Mind Flayer as much as they bonded through love against the Mind Flayer in ST2. In those three months after Starcourt, we learn that this split is no longer (the Mind Flayer is defeated after all), Mike and Will have made up, and D&D is a focus between them again. Not to be cheesy but..love wins, my dudes. Anyway, we have here D&D the Satanist game, the game that got popular media attention because a closeted gay teenage prodigy from Ohio played it (might I add that the book Dear wrote about that whole case came out in 1984), the game that is a marker of Will and Mike’s relationship. You can see where this is going.

Back to “rise in homosexuality.” It’s not so much a rise in homosexuality (though on the surface people still think of it as a fad) as much as it is a rise in acknowledging it, in coming to terms with homosexuality and defeating the self hatred, ie. the Mind Flayer.

Now real quickly, the Mind Flayer is an enemy monster in D&D, it’s not unique to Stranger Things. It’s also called an Illithid and these are psionic creatures that feast on their enemies’ brains. A lot of what the Mind Flayer does in ST3 is similar to this thing called ceremorphosis (basically what the MF did when it took over the Flayed in ST3, as in taking over their brains and their mannerisms like a parasite does to a host body). In ST, we see that played out in a more literal sense of being flayed with the Meat Flayer (as I call it on occasion). Now the thing about the Mind Flayer is that it’s a physical monster but it is also a representation of the spread of ideas (it’s a parasite in the brain and that’s essentially what ideas are, or as Dawkins puts it, a meme). The idea in this case is homophobia, the self hatred in Will that spread to an outward hatred that then comes after the Party and in particular El. Why El? We could say it’s because she is the one in the way of Will’s affections but also, she is the one that Mike (who has been proven able to pull Will out from the Mind Flayer’s influence, out of the internalized self hatred) has been using to avoid coming to terms with his own sexuality.

El is a barrier for Mike. El, who has powers and the ability to destroy the monsters, is a shield for more than just defeating the physical terrors of the Upside Down, she also shields Mike from facing his truth, the metaphysical terrors of the Upside Down. When her powers are taken away by the monster itself, by the spread of this idea, Mike’s shield is gone. El survives, she still manages to turn Billy for him to make the sacrifice play because she has the happy memories and the love, but the shield is broken. It’s broken the entire time the Party confronts the Mind Flayer. Also noting that Mike is the one who tore off the giant piece of the Meat Flayer that was still on El’s leg back in the cabin before they made it to the supermarket. He is the one who tries to save the shield from the bite / infection of the idea and tries to salvage their relationship too in the supermarket, but El still has the Meat/Mind Flayer in her and taking that out in Starcourt destroys the shield (her powers and in a way, Mike’s attraction to her--I mean, she was like a real life Will the Wise if we get down to it). Mike then is face to face with his biggest fear: growing up in full--not what he thinks it should be as he parroted to Will in that argument, but what it is for him--which means accepting his sexuality. By three months in, it seems he’s done that, or is at least open to the prospect if standing in front of an open closet door while not responding to a kiss from his supposed female love interest shortly after flirting with his male best friend is anything to go off of.

tl;dr D&D is a metaphor for Will and Mike’s relationship, but D&D was also seen as a Satanic game and homosexuality was considered a disease from Satan. The Mind Flayer represents homosexuality/internalized homophobia and is a native monster to D&D, tying the Satanic references even closer. The final piece is that D&D is used throughout ST to represent/reference Mike and Will’s relationship. D&D which is being referenced as satanic in that TV spot, something Mike and Will’s relationship would be seen as if it wasn’t just friendship, meaning it’s romantic or at least something they want to be romantic.

even shorter tl;dr Mike and Will are gay and the world is scared of their love for each other as much as they are scared of their love, too.

#byler #byeler #meta #st meta #wow i kinda went in on this #but you had my ideas RUNNING ANON #my god thank u for bringing it up #7s anon #anon #yams answers

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visionssofgideon · 5 years

Text

Thoughts on Orange is the New Black finale

SO I CRIED (spoilers below)

Wow, I mean WOW. First off, this season was a little sluggish to get through, so it took me 3 days instead of 1 or 2 to get through. But that’s really it huh? I disliked it for many reasons, but the ending was bittersweet and not bad. It wasn’t 100% happy, but it’s not supposed to be. It was realistic. I’ve been watching this show since middle school at an age when I was shocked at the sight of a woman’s breasts and had to mute every sex scene and now I stand as a proud gay brown woman and I am so happy to know oitnb was probably one of the reasons.

First off, Piper’s character- while she is the main character, I have never loved her. In fact, I LOVED Zelda this season, the one person who accepted her for who she was and was so genuine, so I was disappointed. However, the whole Chapman/Vause thing has been a one constant thing throughout the show, and their love for each other through everything constantly surprised me. I’m just glad that Piper is using her life for good, going to law school and building a life for herself.

Alex’s character was one of my favorites, she’s always been badass and realistic, SO out of Piper’s league. I’m just glad she ended up with people from Litchfield in Ohio like Norma, Yoga Jones (who will always be kind to newbies and tell them what a mandala is), and BIG BOO! Glad she’s getting out in only 3 years.

Other characters they ended with- those at another prison like the runner, the “Asian”, even Pennsatucky’s gals. Even the appearance of Chang in ICE, though ICE, was funny.

Pennsatucky’s death shook me. I would’ve never guessed in a million years she would die. I truly thought she would survive, and never guessed she would be in a body bag. YOU’RE TELLING ME she passed the GED? The FUCK. So sad. Who knew she would go from being one of the most annoying characters who we hoped to die to being one of the most genuine, loving and loveable characters, who deserved so much more. She had been sober, and she died. It was terrible, but I’m just glad her character development was not left out of the works over the course of the past 7 seasons.

Crazy Eyes Suzanne, she is crazy but I love her. Same with Lolly. I think she was portrayed SO WELL by Uzo Aduba over the past 7 seasons, she truly made every subplot better.

Nicky Nichols. I would DIE for her. It was so sad, that she really lost the two people closest to her. Red to dementia/alzheimer’s, and Lorna to shock. Always loved the mother/daughter relationship between her and Red, and it was so sad when she had to say goodbye to both of them, including Lorna who she just knew she couldn’t take care of anymore. Idk how long her sentence is, but she LITERALLY BECAME Red! With her lipstick, in charge of the kitchen staff, helping junkies become sober. She is a good person, and I like how they ended her story for the better, even if Red and Lorna were a lost cause.

Shani hit close to home for no reason, maybe just the single flashback that her own family wouldn’t care if something happened to her for being gay. The letter she wrote to Nichols made me die a little inside, but I believe it gave Nichols as much of a reason to continue as it gave Shani. I’m glad they talked about her background.

Speaking of, FUCK ICE. Wow, I was furious. I mean, they made it one of the major plotlines of this seasons, and I’m glad they did. They talked about those seeking asylum, coyotes, and detention centers, including talking to FUCKIN CHILDREN about this shit. America is fucked up, and I’m glad they made it such a big deal. Like what happened to Karla, was just heartbreaking. She was left for dead on her way back to the states, and honestly? It’s the terrifyingly inhumane truth. People are DYING everyday because of this, and I don’t think people who are privileged like us even realize what dangerous journeys people go on to come here to escape the terrible inhumane conditions of other countries, just to be turned back and spit on. The court scene with children was a reminder that the American law takes pity on nobody, and is disgusting.

I loved Natalie Figueroa this season. I mean her and Joe Caputo are both GOOD DECENT human beings. Her helping a woman who was raped with an abortion, being disgusted by ICE, shows how every person should be. Their relationship was too cute and I’m so glad they decided to adopt. I want them to be my parents lmao

Warden Ward was a decent person too, and she tried her damn best. She helped the women, punished those that deserved to be punished (looking at Luschek), and wanted to make prison a place of rehabilitation. This is what prison should be, not disgusting abuse.

Taystee- man she made me cry. Her acting, was brilliant. I really did think she would take her own life. Even that flashback with Poussey bro, killed me. I am so glad she did good for others, whether it was tutoring or starting that fund. Her relationship with Joe Caputo was another good one. Her role was so relevant since season 5 when Poussey passed, and I am just so glad they established a real life fund. The end to her character was a good one, though we don’t know if she got justice or not, she used her life for good.

Black Cindy, her character arc was sort of weird, especially since she betrayed Taystee. But it was realistic, to say the least, with her being homeless yet trying her best. I’m glad that she ended up mending things with her mom and daughter, showing that family is family after all.

Wow, Maritza’s story was shocking as well, and they just left with her being deported. It broke me a little, especially knowing that Diane Guerrero’s parents irl were deported and she has been vocal about it. Again, the stories about ICE was REALISTIC. The whole Hindu/Muslim Beef/Pork thing was so minor yet hit close to home. It just is scarring to think it is happening to our own people.

I’m glad Flaca is doing something similar to Nichols, by carrying on what Gloria did and helping those at ICE.

Blanca was a bigger role since last season, and it was shocking that though others were not successful, she got her green card and still decided to be with her loved one. It’s crazy.

Gloria Mendoza was one of the best and most decent people from the beginning, and I’m so glad to see she was released and happy again. People like her and Sophia Burset who were shown happy in real life, deserve the best. It shows that not everybody has a sad ending. I’m so glad she didn’t get more time, and instead lived happily.

People like Maria Ruiz who are trying to reform themselves to be better people in prison also made me happy.

Somehow, pornstache with Daya’s baby made me happy, guess he did change. I replayed that scene a bunch of times because I couldn’t believe the reappearance, really thought it was Larry. I guess I’m glad they showed that.

Daya was one of those characters who was gone, in the way that it was bad and there was no point of return. In a way, though Aleida was hella annoying, her doing everything for her children so they never turn out like her in the end was a very good way to sum up her and Daya’s storyline, as it had been ongoing for the past 7 seasons. Who knows what happened to Daya, but it basically ended the storyline of this mother-daughter family duo.

I’m just sad about Red and Lorna. Idk what to say really, especially about Lorna never reverting back. She was too sweet, but she must’ve always been crazy from shock based on her flashback. Her and Red ended up together, crazy together, but I guess that isn’t a bad thing.

This show’s ending is like Orphan Black’s ending to me. I don’t know why or where I came upon this show after season 1 had come out and season 2 was about to or had just come out in 2014. All I know is, I’m glad I came by it, it helped me figure out myself and this world for what it is. Thank you to this show for helping so many people, and I hope the Poussey Washington fund truly helps more people in the years to come. Orange Forever.

#:')#bittersweet ending to long saga #mine #oitnb #oitnb spoilers #Orange is the new black

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gleefail · 4 years

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Glee Memories: 1x10 Ballad

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x10 Ballad “Ok, who can tell me what a ballad is?” “It’s a male duck”

ok, I disagree with Schue’s definition of a ballad. “Stories set to music” – um…isn’t that every song? Or is it just in musicals that it’s supposed to be, lol?

“Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio showchoir committee FINALLY paid off” and the look she gives Puck. Haha. This Rachel Berry is funny. Cause they’re letting us laugh at her right along with her. Not asking us to put her on a pedestal and/or take her seriously all the damn time. I’m not even gonna get started. I’m watching this post Props/Nationals, and though I didn’t think it could, my hate has grown. In abundance. Trying to keep it in check. Moving on…

“I bet that duck’s in the hat”

“Matt’s out sick today. He had to go to the hospital cause they found a spider in his ear” Um, ew. Also terrifying. However, humorous nonetheless. And an effort to explain a random absence of a Glee club member. Remember how they used to do that?

Aw, Artie drew Quinn’s name out of the hat. :) 2 seasons later and they’ll get 2 duets (both of which I loooove). Shame they didn’t do it this ep. Romantic or just friends, I ADORE the chemistry with Diana and Kevin. I really wanted to see more of that. :(

omg. Kurt’s face when Finn pulls his name. Adorable. Also, I love that Finn is not cool with it but a year later Sam is totes fine. Maybe that’s just cause I love dudes that are comfortable enough in their sexuality to do things that d-bags in high school might tease them about being gay for. Or maybe that’s just cause I love Sam Evans. Couldn’t tell ya. Except yeah, I totes could. It’s cause I wants a Trouty Mouth to call my very own. *lesigh*

“other asian” Ha!

Brittana!

“The fates talked, Mr. Schue” #BlessFinnsHeart

I love the voice-overs during Endless Love: “Screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me” “I love the days when I wear no underwear” “I never noticed how nice Rachel’s butt is…oh crap! I think Quinn knows I’m staring at it!”

I also love the facial expressions of Rachel and Mr. Schue here. Hilarious.

Haha – Brad’s like “wtf is happening?”

“Crap – she looks crazy right now!” hahahahahaha

Because of Rachel’s realization through this song, it means Lea Michele can’t squint nearly as much. Wow. It’s like a whole new Rachel with her eyes open while she’s singing.

Artie’s face after the duet. It’s like someone stepped in dog poop.

Ok, Charlotte Ross was in a show in the 90’s I used to watch that, if I recall, failed miserably but nonetheless had a brief stint as my guilty pleasure show. And I can’t remember what it is for the life of me and keep forgetting to look when I have access to google it. Anyone?

“I don’t want you to lift a finger for me. I’m your wife!” Oh wow. So unhealthy. So republican. Soooooo some parts of Ohio. These are the folks that voted for Bush. :/ Yep, I’m still ashamed to be from Ohio when I think of that election.

Suzy. Pepper. Yes. I love this actress. Bright and Hannah were my OTP on Everwood. I miss them.

“You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That’s so romantic.”

“Listen, you little psycho, this is Will’s wife, and if I don’t get enough sleep my anti-depressants won’t work, and then I’ll go crazy and I’ll kill you.” Oh Terri. So maternal and loving.

Suzy Pepper is sobbing to More Than Words. That was my jam back in the day!

“Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling…and….inappropriate.”

“Thank God I never missed a piano lesson” – really Kurt? Is this the first and only time we’re to believe Kurt can play piano well enough to accompany someone from memory?

Finn singing I’ll Stand By You to a sonogram dvd on his laptop. I have no words. I don’t think I thought it was this weird the first time I watched it.

So Finn’s mom busts him singing to said laptop sonogram dvd…and he doesn’t close the laptop…or stop the dvd…or try to hide the screen. He sits up next to it as she approaches him, almost begging her to see it. I felt the same way then as I do now – it was an opportunity for him to not tell her necessarily but for her to find out anyways and I think he really wanted her to know so he could go to her for help and comfort and to relieve everything he couldn’t deal with about the situation. I’m just sayin’.

Oh old school Carol with her denim and that hair…she’s still such a great mom though. And this actress. My God. She’s amazing.

“You’re wrong, I’m right. I’m smart, you’re dumb.”

“Dude. Impulse control!” haha

“I dunno why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.” #BlessFinnsHeart

Oh Young Girl/Don’t Stand So Close to Me mash-up. I fell in lust with you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.

Seriously. Matthew Morrison is so hot in this mash-up. Yowzah.

“So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?” “Yes! It means I’m very young and it’s hard for you to stand close to me.”

“You’re a very good performer. He’s very good.”

Finn and Kurt bonding over their lost parents. This is a sweet scene.

“You think I should bring a gun?” #BlessFinnsHeart

“Casserole’s almost ready. Hope you like venison!” Ok. TERRIFYING to come home and find Rachel Berry in an apron, cooking you dinner, in your home.

Hey, remember that time that Rachel literally sang 3 lines of Crush and they released it in its entirety as a single from this episode? Ridonk.

“I found out today that my hamster was pregnant in biology class and I just started weeping!”

Aw, Mercedes and Puck are paired up for duet ballads.

haha. Babygate.

“Finn’s not the father! I am.” People be spilling out their truths to Mercedes y’all.

“Alright, look, you need to get something through your Mohawk real quick: you’re the baby’s daddy. It takes a hell of a lot more to be a father and that role’s already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on cause you have no business messin’ up that girl’s life more than you already have. You need to back off. You owe her at least that much. ”Aw, Mercedes. Laying down tough love. And looking out for Quinn before they were even friends. Man. I love Mercedes.

Oh that’s right – Quinn has an older sister! Why did we never meet her?

“He wears a helmet when he plays, right?” – THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIN’! #BlessFinnsHeart

“I have to go, they’ll think I’m pooping.” Hehehehe.

omg. So I love this still. Finn is doing karate moves in the bathroom mirror to pump himself up to sing to the Fabrays that Quinn’s pregnant. That is so effing funny. What happened to this Finn?

You’re Having My Baby. Haha. This song is so cheesy. This scene is so uncomfortable.

So Quinn’s parents, unlike Finn, are NOT simple-minded and have figured it out. And it’s terrifying.

“We didn’t even have sex” #BlessFinnsHeart

Quinn’s parents are kicking her out. Well, her dad is and her mom isn’t standing up to him. This is rough. Especially when you realize they’re supposed to be 15. So wrong. Poor Quinn. And her dad just screamed at her that she was a disappointment. Yeah…she’s had to deal with some shit. And in the end, they don’t acknowledge that she did and try to make her out to be the bad guy, and selfish… Way to go, RIB.

Oh good ole Carol, without a moment of hesitationlets Quinn stay with them.

“Honey, you can stay here as long as you want.” Carol’s the best. So glad she found Burt.

“We’re not so different, you and me. We’re both mildly attractive and extremely grating. Love is hard for us. We look for boys we know we can never have. Mr. Schue is a perfect target for our self-esteem issues. He can never reciprocate our feelings which only reinforces the conviction that we’re not worthy of being loved. Trust me. I’m a cautionary tale. You need to find some self-respect, Rachel. Get that mildly attractive groove back.” Suzy Pepper, ladies and gentlemen. Dropping truth bombs.

“There’s some boy out there who’s gonna like you for everything you are, including those parts of you that even you don’t like. Those are gonna be the things about you that he likes the most.” Hmm…might be true. Never thought about this, but I’d say that describes Jesse. But not Finn so much. Maybe recently. But…he has made several comments about her being annoying or controlling as they were dating. And not in a ‘those are my favorite things about her’ kinda way. Just sayin’.

Aw. Kurt seems like he feels really bad about Quinn getting kicked out.

“Open your eyes! I didn’t tell you to close your eyes.” “Is there a cake?” No, there’s no cake!” #BlessFinnsHeart

Lean On Me. Watching this now, with one ep left and it’s graduation…yeah, I’m crying. Dammit, Glee.

haha, Mercedes just kinda pushed past Rachel who was front and center to sing her solo. Probably not intentional but still funny.

Damn, Kevin McHale.

Damn, Amber Riley.

SOLOS: Rachel (1), Will (2), Finn (2), Artie (1), Mercedes (1)

#Glee Memories #Glee #lol Glee #Glee Ballad

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nicosroom · 6 years

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My Money Snapshot

[Inspired by Corporette]

Location: Ohio, small college town

Age: 29

Occupation: PhD candidate (English)/half-time instructor

Income: $16,000 before deductions

Net worth: $588 (I’m crying)

Current Debt: $12,844

Living situation: Renting with a roommate

Money Philosophy:

I grew up in the “working poor” category. My parents are divorced and my father never contributed much financially. Mom made around $21,000 per year at work and she cleaned houses “under the table” to supplement that. Somehow, we never went hungry, what we ate was relatively fresh and healthy, and she managed to put two of us through Catholic schools for a total of 14 years. I know now that mom is still paying some of those loans and credit card debts and that part of her strategy included not contributing more than the 3% that her employer matched in her 401k. Every time I complain about the financial stress I feel at my salary level, I have to remind myself how comparatively unstressful my financial life is.

I’ve always been poor and I always knew that graduate school/academia is not a lucrative career. I tell myself that if I can make things work at this pay grade, then I’m ready for just about anything. My main strategy is to have a budget, stay in the budget, and save every bit that I can.

Monthly budget

$1000-1100 for the necessities each month. Monthly spending on eating out, entertainment, shopping and other categories varies widely. I also won’t lie... dating someone who makes 4x more money than me helps... I’m fairly frugal on all of these fronts: I buy most of my clothes second hand and I tend to shop seasonally. Spikes in spending occur around the winter holidays when I’m buying gifts and when I am doing traveling. And I also have totally weak, impulsive moments - like the $3 soap sales at Bath & Body works, or that time I spent $110 on bras and underwear on a whim. Anyway:

Rent: $272.50/month

Other living expenses: $130-170/month (electric, internet, phone, renter’s insurance - lower in summer, higher in winter)

Transportation: $332/month (gas, insurance, car payment)

Healthcare: $162/month (health+dental insurance, no vision coverage)

Groceries: $120-150/month ($30/week)

Debt Picture

Student loan: $2000

Car loan: $10,488

I’m a career student & my motto for all the years I’ve been in school has been “follow the money.” I went to college on very hefty scholarships and I only had to take out the $2000 loan to cover housing costs during my first year. For the subsequent three years, I was an RA, so I never had to take loans again. I applied to graduate programs based on the research fit, and when I got my offers, money weighed heavily in the decision. I would have loved to live in Boston as a wee 22-year old, but I wasn’t about to take out loans for a year’s worth of tuition and the living expenses. And to get a PhD while living in Minneapolis, my very favorite city in the US? It would have been such a dream, but for the quite steep difference in stipends and the significant disparity in cost of living compared with Ohio. My only regret on this front is that I haven’t started paying back my tiny student loan. I’ve been able to defer it since I’m in graduate school, which was a great idea when I was a master’s student who didn’t know the first thing about budgeting. But if I had just paid $25/month from the start of grad school the balance would be $0 about the same time I graduate from this PhD program this August. Instead, I’ll be scrambling to pay off the whole balance before my 6 month grace period ends.

The car loan is less than a year old. I finally broke down and bought a new (by which I mean used) car last summer after really pushing it with the car my parents had bought me in high school. Repairing that car put me into credit card debt more than once and I was getting so stressed about it. It was time. I have a very good credit score, so I qualified for a nice loan rate with my credit union, and to get a better rate I got my mom to co-sign my loan. It’s a popular rental fleet model so there were tons of them on the market, but average miles were high - so when I saw one that was two years old with only a years worth of miles on it at $1000 less than the average price for that make, model, and year, I jumped on it. My payments are $231/month on the 5-year plan. Currently, I’m paying that minimum, but I plan to escalate my payments as my income goes up (I’m on the academic job market now, pray for me). I folded this car payment into my existing budget by giving up solo-living and finding a roommate. When I had my own apartment, very spacious with a huge kitchen and tons of windows/natural light, I was paying about $585 for monthly rent. I hate living with people, but I hated the idea of being trapped in this college town without a car even more - one of my other mantras is “you can do anything for a year.”

A note on credit cards: I love them. I’m one of those responsible people that charges everything and pays the balance like clockwork every month. This is the only way to make sure you’re actually taking advantage of the cash back/reward perks! Currently, I’m using Capital One’s Venture card and stockpiling airline miles for travel (it has a 40,000 mile sign-on bonus). If you’re good for it, I also recommend one card with a great balance transfer program. For me, when I get into an emergency situation, it makes me feel like I have options. It’s been about 4 years since I’ve had to use my balance transfer card to cover costs ($1400 in car repairs, summer 2015), but at my level, I can’t afford to not have back up plans.

Savings and Investments

$5,517 Cash

$7,861 Roth IRA + employer mandated retirement account

Retirement: The biggest financial mistake I've made in grad school is that I did not opt into the retirement account offered by the university when I started my M.A. in 2012. When they ask me that “what I wish I had known before I went to grad school” question, this is near the top of the list. I did, eventually, open a Roth IRA and slowly I started to build something. This year, when my graduate funding dried up and they made me a “half-time instructor” the retirement account for public school teachers was mandatory and the contributions are high: 14% of every pay check (annoying, yes, but on the flipside, there is an equally high employer match). While I’m contributing to this, I’ve paused my contributions to the IRA. I’ll roll this money over, either into the IRA or into another state/employer retirement fund when I move on from here.

Personal savings: I strive for a minimum of $100 per month and frequently do a little more, but each month is different and I consider it a win if I break even. Through most of grad school, I’ve taken on “second jobs” to bolster what I can save (and boost my resume). Both jobs have been through the university, so they limit me to five hours a week. When I max them out, this can be an extra $200-250 each month.

I took up a new savings challenge this academic year to build on my “play money” savings account (a high yield savings account which my bank labels a “goal setter” account). The challenge involves tallying the “total savings” printed on my receipts each month (i.e. when the grocery store is like “you saved $6″ because of sales and coupons). So, At the end of the month, I put that running total into my goal setter account. Sometimes the total savings are like $26, but others its as much as $171. It’s an interesting challenge because it encourages me to do tedious things, like scroll through all the digital coupons on the grocery store app; but at the same time, I know that the higher that number is usually coincides with a lot of shopping which encourages some self-regulation.

I initially set my goal at $2500 when I opened the goal setter account in 2014. When I had to dip into the account in April 2018 to pay $930 in car repairs, I finally set plans in motion to buy my car. Since I bought used, I only put 10% down on the car (just over $1200). When I sold my old car for $1000, I put that money right back into the account to start saving for new things...

What I’m saving for now:

travel: to celebrate finally finishing this PhD, I’m hoping to pull off a trip to Europe. Later this year, I’m also turning 30 around the same time that one of my regular professional conferences is meeting in Hawaii. If I can do one or both in the next year, that’d be grand. (As I mentioned, I'm saving up airline miles with my credit card program, too!)

a multicooker: think InstantPot...but more expensive because my dreams all revolve around small appliances that match my stand mixer.

What I do to be frugal...

I’ve been frugal my whole life, but a couple of major habits I’ve formed include:

Meal planning and home cooking (read my guide to meal prep here). The money part of that means planning what I eat around maximizing the ingredients I have to buy. I plan meals that use the same ingredients so I’m not spending on an entire bunch of celery and then throwing out 75% of it. Routinization also helps, so my grocery lists stay about the same week to week and the bill relatively predictable - for example, I eat avocado egg salad almost every day for lunch. I know, avocados are not cheap, but I also believe in spending on the things that nourish you––literally and “spiritually.” Roxane Gay once said that she never bought avocados or blueberries when she was a “poor grad student.” Once she started making money, she realized she would buy them because she could afford them, but she also threw them out all the time because she didn’t plan her meals right to actually eat them. The point is, buy the foods that you like/feel good about and build habits around them. It’s not wasted money. That said, I won’t pay more than $1.25 for an avocado!

Second hand clothes shopping, especially for my business casual (it’s amazing what people donate to the Goodwill, barely worn!)

#money #money snapshot #avocados #debt #savings #gradblr #gradschool #personal finance

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sky-and-sometimes-others · 6 years

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I keep my promises!

yAKA a live blog of this fic: like, reblog, follow by MandaloreArtist

Okay, it’s been a while since I’ve read it so my reactions should be fresh, and I’m in a mood for Prinxiety tonight! Let’s do this.

Right off the bat I love me some Ace!Logan. I’m ace and it just feels right.

AND ACE PATTON I’M SO SPOILED LOVE IT

I’m 90% sure Starbound is fictional but canon gays? SIGN ME UP

“ To say any more would spoil stuff, so go read the books and listen to the musical and avoid the movie like the Black Plague “ step by step instructions on how to join the Percy Jackson fandom.

It took me a solid 3 minutes to figure out what MYOB means because I am Not Hip With the Lingo

Patton talks to Virg the way I talk to all of my friends

I loOoOoOve BMC frick me up. I also quite enjoy Falsettos.

“ infinitesimal knowledge “ *whispers* it’s begun

- Short break where I had to go watch the end of Penn State vs. Ohio State with my dad. Go Bucks! -

Ah twenty questions. I have used this to flirt with several online crushes.

LOGI-WAN KENOBI I’M WHEEZING

“ also, you have friends? “

“square up cutie” STOP

“ specs “ vs. “ eyeshadow^3 “

HIS LAST NAME IS SPIDER

ROMAN YOU BEAUTIFUL IDIOT

“ Live a little, Logan! “

“ You can’t do if you’re dead. “

“ Oh I meant by me “ COLD AS ICE

Logan’s favorite character is Jerry shut UP

“ ...I am going away from you. I have no destination in mind. I simply need to exit your presence. “

Chuck and Gertrude are my favorite Sander Sides guys

“ Wow I can’t believe my stunning good looks actually killed a man “ I’m WHEEZING

25 MINUTES OF FAWNING OVER ROMAN AWWWW

Practicing the cello at 6am what a power move.

Logan is the epitome of “one black coffee” in this fic.

The “message pat/fine/hey/oh he’s asleep” interaction is pure comedy

VIRGIL JUST USED A SELF REFERENTIAL LAST NAME PUN I THINK

HIS LAST NAME IS BRAVA RIGHT AND HE SAID “brava for your attempt” VIRG ARE YOU SERIOUS

...Koshekh is from WTNV

“ chaotic neutral baby :) “

Patton THREW THE IPAD

virgil you SMOOTH SON OF A BEESTING

...(I also like Star Trek more but that’s a personal preference)...

I would 900% call someone to laugh at them for 5 minutes straight

“I gotta gay” YEAH ME TOO BUDDY

VIRGIL NO DON’T STOP DOING ART NO VIRG

oH MY GOSH NOW RO IS POSTING LESS BECAUSE HE’S SO SAD ABOUT VIRG I’M SO FRICKING SAD

HAHAHAHA HE THREW THE PHONE

They’re all so Jew-y in this and as a Jew I appreciate it but it does feel kinda weird for the characters.

All that pep talk and then “ how was your day? “ Nailed it.

“ I swear, sometimes you’re just too gay to live. “ BITCH ME TOO THE FUCK

Veertrash71 is meeeeeee

“take my pet photos and leave”

“babe”

HONESTLY MOOD THAT’S FLIRTING RIGHT? WOULDN’T KNOW BUT I THINK SO

I’m so sorry for how much of this has been me just quoting your fic back to you

????? He shipped him brownies? They obviously live in the same city

Also Lo calling Pat his boyfriend gives me a fuzzy feeling in my HEART

Ahh, a good ol’ reference war.

“ You utter and complete dunce! You’ve driven him away! “ me addressing me

God I’m so ALONE

“ never knew that you were gay???

truly shocked “

“wait aren’t you lactose intolerant”

Awww he surprised him with a pin I’m CRYING

LOGAN FINALLY KEYSMASHED HE REALLY IS A GAY

“ HATE them? H A T E them? H A T E T H E M ? ! “ I can hear it in his voice from Crofters the Musical (I think that’s the one it’s like 2 am forgive me)

“ aaaAAAAWWWWW! Baabeeeeee, you have a crush on me?! “

“ we’re dating, andy “

Where the heck are their parents how old are these people?? College aged?? I’m so curious I have no idea how old they’re supposed to be.

I’m SHRIEKING their all SO CUTE TOGETHER

Awwww Ro feeling insecure because of being sick and it was such a small moment but so good

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS OH MY GOSH THEY LIVE SO CLOSE THEY’RE AT THE SAME BOOKSHOP LOGAN GO SAY HI GO SAY HI GO MEET YOUR BOYFRIEND GO

“ fracture a femur “ Thanks! I hate it. If anyone ever said that to me before a show I would feel very cursed.

Dear lord 5 months and they’ve already said I love you. God I wish that was me.

AVAILABLE FOR ONE SHOW ONLY LORDY LORDY OF COURSE IT’S PACKED I’VE NEVER BEEN TO A ONE NIGHT ONLY THAT WASN’T

How did they get the rights to Falsettos

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW PAT AND LO’S FIRST MEETING AWWWWWWWWW

“ you’re allergic to nuts “

“ ...it’s good!! “ Oh Pat

IT’S HIM IT’S HIM IT’S HIM HE BUMPED INTO HIM I’M SURE OF IT

Ro fixed his makeup I’m love

THEY KISSED !!!!!!!!!!

"Um, so I think I just saw Roman."

Logan tilted his head. "How do you know?"

"I made out with him in the doorway to the bathroom." sounds like a good sign it might’ve been him

Listen anytime you get to point at the audience during a show you GOTTA point at your friends it’s a rule.

He was answered with a smirk. “Well, first—” Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh

ROMAN DIPPED VIRGIL THIS IS THE FAN SERVICE I DESERVE

"Well, yes, but a promise is a promise! Fulfill your oath, or you shall feel my wrath!"

"Spicy."

"What??"

"Nothing."

THIS. IS. THE. FAN. SERVICE. I. DESERVE.

“ To even it up more, we must all eat marshmallows. ” I mean that’s literally logic right there can’t argue with that.

“I can’t believe Logan is dead,” Roman whispered in his ear. < Made me laugh out loud

This whole fic is just so fricking good. It’s the EXACT kind of fluff I need. Great job!!!

#sander sides #prinxiety #Logicality #i also swear in this so uh yeah #long post

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patriotsnet · 3 years

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What Do Republicans Like About Trump

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/what-do-republicans-like-about-trump/

What Do Republicans Like About Trump

How Wyoming Voters Are Reacting To Rep Cheneys Leadership Battle

What should the Republican Party do about Trump?

Many Republicans, including McCarthy, have decided that the path to retake majority control of the House requires embracing Trump, which means either repeating his false assertions that the election was stolen or keeping quiet, neither of which Cheney has been willing to do.

McCarthy has long viewed Trump as important to helping him become the next House speaker and important to helping Republicans win the midterm elections said a House Republican aide who works for neither McCarthy or Cheney.

The aide described the leadership fight as “a s— show” and “something that should never really have happened,” expressing anger over its handling.

“I think it’s dumb when we always try to claim that we’re this big party that we’re pushing out someone who has a slightly different opinion,” the aide said, adding, “It’s just absurd to me.”

Another senior Republican congressional aide argued that Cheney was likely to be removed because she keeps publicly disagreeing with McCarthy, not because of her criticism of Trump.

“As conference chair, was spending more time bashing Republicans than Democrats” at the recent House retreat, the aide said, adding that McCarthy “was literally the only thing keeping her in leadership.”

Many Republicans have lamented that the squabble is distracting from anti-Biden messaging, which is what they say will actually help them in the midterms.

America Should Deport Illegal Immigrants

Republicans believe that illegal immigrants, no matter the reason they are in this country, should be forcibly removed from the U.S. Although illegal immigrants are often motivated to come to the U.S. by companies who hire them, Republicans generally believe that the focus of the law should be on the illegal immigrants and not on the corporations that hire them.

Democrats Think Many Republicans Sincere And Point To Policy

Democrats, however, were somewhat more generous in their answers.;;More than four in ten Democratic voters ; felt that most Republican voters had the countrys best interests at heart . ;And many tried their best to answer from the others perspective. A 45-year-old male voter from Ohio imagined that as a Republican, he was motivated by Republicans harsh stance on immigration; standing up for the 2nd Amendment; promised tax cuts.;;A 30-year-old woman from Colorado felt that Republican votes reflected the desires to stop abortion stop gay marriage from ruining our country and give us our coal jobs back.

Other Democrats felt that their opponents were mostly motivated by the GOPs opposition to Obamacare, lower taxes and to support a party that reduced unemployment.;

Don’t Miss: When Did Republicans And Democrats Switch Platforms

Religion And The Belief In God Is Vital To A Strong Nation

Republicans are generally accepting only of the Judeo-Christian belief system. For most Republicans, religion is absolutely vital in their political beliefs and the two cannot be separated. Therefore, separation of church and state is not that important to them. In fact, they believe that much of what is wrong has been caused by too much secularism.

Those are the four basic Republican tenets: small government, local control, the power of free markets, and Christian authority. Below are other things they believe that derive from those four ideas.

Republicans Cant Understand Democrats

Only one in four Republican voters felt that most or almost all Democratic voters sincerely believed they were;voting in the best interests of the country.;;Rather, many Republicans told us that Democratic voters were brainwashed by the propaganda of the mainstream media, or voting solely in their self-interest to preserve undeserved welfare and food stamp benefits.

We asked every Republican in the sample to do their best to imagine that they were a Democrat and sincerely believed that the Democratic Party was best for the country.;;We asked them to explain their support for the Democratic Party as an actual Democratic voter might.;;For example, a 64-year-old strong Republican man from Illinois surmised that Democrats want to help the poor, save Social Security, and tax the rich.;;;

But most had trouble looking at the world through Democratic eyes. Typical was a a 59-year-old Floridian who wrote I dont want to work and I want cradle to grave assistance. In other words, Mommy!;Indeed, roughly one in six Republican voters answered in the persona of a Democratic voter who is motivated free college, free health care, free welfare, and so on.;;They see Democrats as voting in order to get free stuff without having to work for it was extremely common roughly one in six Republican voters used the word free in the their answers, whereas no real Democratic voters in our sample answered this way.;

Don’t Miss: Have The Democrats Tried To Impeach Every Republican President Since Eisenhower

Emboldened ‘unchanged’ Trump Looks To Re

Across the party as a whole, an NBC News poll released late last month found, a majority of Republicans considered themselves supporters of the GOP, compared to just 44 percent who supported Trump above all, the first time that has been the case since July 2019.

But mild dissatisfaction with Trump isn’t the same as political courage. Most prominent Republicans have publicly aligned with Trump even as voter support erodes, and they’re buckled in for the long haul. That creates the opening for more traditional Republicans to toy with forming a new party but it’s a slim one.

Liz Cheney Of Wyoming

The most vocal House Republican to vote to impeach Mr. Trump, Ms. Cheney has borne the brunt of the former presidents wrath. Last week, in an attempt to narrow a crowded field, Mr. Trump endorsed Harriet Hageman, a former Republican National Committee member and a 2018 candidate for governor in Wyoming, in the primary against Ms. Cheney.

Former Trump aides have rushed to Ms. Hagemans side to prop up her nascent campaign and persuade other candidates to drop out of the race. Ms. Cheney has remained unwavering in her criticism of Mr. Trump, describing his unwillingness to accept the results of the 2020 election as a threat to democracy and defiantly daring Mr. Trump and his allies to bring it on.

If Harriet wants to cast her lot with those folks, Ms. Cheney told Wyoming reporters this month, I would note that theyre the same people who were involved in misleading millions of Americans about the election in 2020.

Also Check: How Did The Democrats And Republicans Switch

Republicans Almost Won In 2020

To torture this autopsy metaphor even more: Theres a good argument that the party is still very much alive.

Historically, parties have done more self-reflection and been more likely to change course when theyve hit electoral low points. In the 1988 presidential race, Democrats carried only 10 states and Washington, D.C., and that loss was their third consecutive failed bid for the White House. In 2008, Obama won the popular vote by 7 percentage points Republicans didnt even carry Indiana. So of course the parties were ready to rethink things after those defeats.

In contrast, Trump would have won reelection had he done only about 1 percentage point better in Pennsylvania and Wisconsin and about 3 points better in Michigan. Republicans would still control the Senate had Republican David Perdue won about 60,000 more votes against Democrat Jon Ossoff in Georgias Senate runoff. A slew of court rulings that forced the redrawing of House district lines in less favorable ways to the GOP helped the Democrats win several seats otherwise, Republicans might have won back the House. Add all that up, and 2020 wasnt that far from resulting in a Republican trifecta.;

Also, Republicans did really well in state legislative races and gained ground among Black and Latino voters nationally .

related:What Did CPAC Tell Us About The Future Of The GOP? Read more. »

Trump Slams ‘wayward’ Republicans For Capitol Riot Vote

What Do Republicans Do if Trump Runs in 2024?

US Capitol riots

Former US president Donald Trump blasted “wayward Republicans” after lawmakers made a rare bipartisan push to investigate the Capitol riot.

With the support of 35 Republicans, the Democratic-controlled House of Representatives voted 252-175 to look into the events of 6 January.

Party leaders had urged Republicans to oppose the bill, with Mr Trump labelling it a “Democrat trap”.

The bill appears to lack the Republican support it needs to pass in the Senate.

It seeks to create an independent inquiry modelled on the commission that investigated the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington.

The legislation establishes a 10-member body, evenly split between the two main parties, that would make recommendations by the end of the year on how to prevent any repeat of the Capitol invasion.

Trump supporters stormed Congress on 6 January in a failed bid to thwart certification of President Joe Biden’s victory in November’s election.

Wednesday’s vote was seen as a loyalty test to the former president for members of his party.

All 10 of the House Republicans who voted to impeach Trump in the days after the Capitol riot for incitement of insurrection were among the 35 who voted for the commission.

In a statement after the vote, Mr Trump hit out at the “wayward” Republican group, saying, “they just can’t help themselves”.

“Sometimes there are consequences to being ineffective and weak,” Mr Trump added.

Don’t Miss: Who Is Right Republicans Or Democrats

A Ponderous Speech Poorly Delivered

In a ponderous, hour-long speech more akin to a State of the Union address than a nomination acceptance, Donald Trump alternated between ticking through his record as president and circling around, like a prize fighter, to launch strikes on his Democratic opponent, Joe Biden.

It was a blunderbuss of attacks, of varying levels of validity, in the hope that some will draw blood – on trade, immigration, education, energy and foreign policy. But most of all, Mr Trump sought to paint Mr Biden as in league with the protesters on the streets and the more left-wing members of the Democratic party.

The setting of the speech was majestic – on the grounds of the White House and in view of the Washington monument.

The delivery from a president who thrives more on rousing rallies than rhetorical set-pieces, however, frequently landed with a thud.

How Things Got This Bad

6) The Republican turn against democracy begins with race

Support for authoritarian ideas in America is closely tied to the countrys long-running racial conflicts.

This chart, from a by Vanderbilt professor Larry Bartels, shows a statistical analysis of a survey of Republican voters, analyzing the link between respondents score on a measure of ethnic antagonism and their support for four anti-democratic statements .

The graphic shows a clear finding: The higher a voter scores on the ethnic antagonism scale, the more likely they are tosupport anti-democratic ideas. This held true even when Bartels used regression analyses to compare racial attitudes to other predictors, like support for Trump. The strongest predictor by far of these antidemocratic attitudes is ethnic antagonism, he writes.

For students of American history, this shouldnt be a surprise.

The 1964 Civil Rights Act and 1965 Voting Rights Act cemented Democrats as the party of racial equality, causing racially resentful Democrats in the South and elsewhere to defect to the Republican Party. This sorting process, which took place over the next few decades, is the key reason America is so polarized.

7) Partisanship causes Republicans to justify anti-democratic behavior

This chart is a little hard to parse, but it illustrates a crucial finding from one of the best recent papers on anti-democratic sentiment in America: how decades of rising partisanship made an anti-democratic GOP possible.

Recommended Reading: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

How Americas Political System Creates Space For Republicans To Undermine Democracy

9) Republicans havean unpopular policy agenda

Let Them Eat Tweets

The Republican policy agenda is extremely unpopular. The chart here, taken from Jacob Hacker and Paul Piersons recent book Let Them Eat Tweets, compares the relative popularity of the two major legislative efforts of Trumps first term tax cuts and Obamacare repeal to similar high-priority bills in years past. The contrast is striking: The GOPs modern economic agenda is widely disliked even compared to unpopular bills of the past, a finding consistent with a lot of recent polling data.

Hacker and Pierson argue that this drives Republicans emphasis on culture war and anti-Democratic identity politics. This strategy, which they term plutocratic populism, allows the partys super-wealthy backers to get their tax cuts while the base gets the partisan street fight they crave.

The GOP can do this because Americas political system is profoundly unrepresentative. The coalition it can assemble overwhelmingly white Christian, heavily rural, and increasingly less educated is a shrinking minority that has lost the popular vote in seven of the past eight presidential contests. But its voters are ideally positioned to give Republicans advantages in the Electoral College and the Senate, allowing the party to remain viable despite representing significantly fewer voters than the Democrats do.

10) Some of the most consequential Republican attacks on democracy happen at the state level

Republicans Will Defend Their Caesar But New Revelations Show Trumps True Threat

The DoJ has dealt two blows and the 6 January committee is winding up for more. They know democracy is in danger

Sidney Blumenthal: What did Jim Jordan know and when?

On Friday, Donald Trump received two more unwelcome reminders he is no longer president. Much as he and his minions chant Lock her up about Hillary Clinton and other enemies, it is he who remains in legal jeopardy and political limbo.

Trumps allies on Capitol Hill will again be forced to defend the indefensible. That wont be a bother: QAnon is their creed, Trump is their Caesar and Gladiator remains the movie for our time.

But in other ways, the world has changed. The justice department is no longer an extension of Trumps West Wing. The levers of government are no longer at his disposal.

Next year, much as Trump helped deliver both Georgia Senate seats to the Democrats in January, on the eve of the insurrection, his antics may cost Republicans their chance to retake the Senate.

Documents that would probably not have seen the light of day had Trump succeeded in overturning the election are now open to scrutiny, be they contemporaneous accounts of his conversations about that dishonest aim or his tax returns.

Those who claim that the events of 6 January were something other than a failed coup attempt would do well to come up with a better line. Or a different alternate reality.

Prospective witnesses before the House select committee on the events of 6 January ought to start worrying

Don’t Miss: Did Trump Say Republicans Are Stupid

Poverty Must Solve Itself

Republicans believe that poor people are usually poor for a reason, be it laziness, choice or whatever. Unless we demand that people pull themselves up by the bootstraps and solve their own problems, people will not be motivated to do things. Therefore, the issue of poverty cannot be solved by the government. Charity should be the choice of individuals.

Opinion: Cmon Republicans Its Time To Do The Right Thing On Health Care

When they went home for the July 4th recess, Republican members of Congress did one of two things: Either they met with constituents and were pummeled with angry questions about their disastrous health-care bill, or they hid out, trying to avoid their constituents so that they wouldnt be pummeled with angry questions about their disastrous health-care bill. Predictably, support for the bill among Republican senators is slipping away, which is not surprising given that this is the most unpopular piece of legislation in the history of polling.

So the time has come for Republicans to cut their losses and do the right thing. It wont be easy, but there are no easy options left for them.

Republicans need to admit to themselves that there is no great victory to be had. There will be political fallout no matter what the 2018 elections are going to be brutal but their choice now is between passing nothing, passing a bill that is so dreadful that it wins them the undying rage of the public, or a compromise that actually helps solve some of the problems they profess to care about.

What Republicans need to do now is drop the idea of repealing the Affordable Care Act and join together with Democrats to fix the problems in the individual market. Its not what they hoped for, but its a lot better than the alternative for everyone.

Also Check: When Did Democrats And Republicans Switch Ideologies

Republicans And Their Declared Positions On Donald Trump

Elected officials’ positions on Donald Trump Federal:Republicans and their declared positions on Donald Trump Republicans supporting Donald Trump Republicans opposing Donald Trump State and local: Republican reactions to 2005 Trump tape

In a typical general election year, elected officials readily line up behind their party’s presidential nominee. In 2012, for example, The Hill reported that only four Republican members of Congress had declined to endorse Mitt Romney by mid-September of that year. “All other House and Senate Republicans” had already endorsed the Republican nominee.

But 2016 was not a typical general election year.

Controversial comments from the GOP’s 2016 nominee, Donald Trump, about women, Muslims, Hispanics, and veterans who were prisoners of war caused some Republican lawmakers to distance themselves from the businessman, while others outright denounced him.

This page tracked the stances of Republican lawmakers on Trump throughout the 2016 presidential election: Did they support him? Did they oppose him? Or were they somewhere in between? The focus of this page is on Republican members of Congress and Republican governors, but we also have included some information on influential Republicans who have served in Republican presidential administrations.

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theratprince · 6 years

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idk why i’m so melodramatic

i guess i’m kinda just facing the inevitable? like i guess it hit me last night that i was just falling back on old shitty patterns and i had completely lost control of myself but god. i really tried. i really tried not to be so fucking nuts but honestly? it’s been a long time of being single after an even longer time of making myself miserable just so i wasn’t single. and like, i guess i should just accept that people are going to say whatever they want just so they can get sex. like i don’t get it. like i was totally all for just fucking and that’s what i signed up for and that’s all i needed. and i just really fucking hate that everything was fine until they started saying shit that was way too sweet and i don’t know why i’m such a fucking humongous idiot.

love is actually the worst, most useless emotion. i felt pretty dead inside and i went around just dissociating constantly. and then for a second i felt something and i finally felt okay, and honestly i am trying so hard just to be fine on my own but i just feel like my life is constantly falling apart. i fucking hate my job. i don’t know if i actually have fun anymore. my parents are losing the house. i feel overwhelmed by everything. i’m really depressed. i’m so passive and directionless that i don’t know how to function without someone giving me constant validation. what’s the point?

the next time someone says they love me i’m going to laugh in their fucking face.

i’ve been dying to go to ireland for over a year now. i was just like fuck it i’m going to go travel because i never do anything for myself because i never know what i fucking want and right now i just want to be somewhere else. i’ve never really been the kind of person to pick a direction and, by some miracle, i have held on to this plan for the longest i’ve ever thought of doing anything. and so i’m just praying that it’s actually meaningful, and that i’m not just wasting my time doing something that i hope will make me happy.

and it’s literally the day before my trip -- this trip that has kept me trudging through my miserable existence for so long -- and i’m having a meltdown just because of some fucking person that i can’t even get angry at for being another shitty dude because they’re not a dude so like what criteria can i even use anymore? why do people only ever seem to want to use me?

the last time i traveled anywhere exciting, i was going through a really stupid break up and i let it affect the good time i should have been having and WOW it would be really nice if i could muster up some trademark Libra apathy right now. I should be fucking excited. I should be happy right now, and I’m not and I’m pissed.

So this is my attempt to unpack things and get on a more rational track of thinking. Because the more i try to tamp it down, the more out of control it gets.

I’m angry for a lot of reasons. I’m angry because I feel disappointed. But I am expecting things that I was never promised, and I have to accept that. I let someone get my hopes up and I can only assume it’s because I haven’t been honest with myself in the first place. A long time ago I asked the universe to let me find true love because I have been poisoned by Disney but it’s a dream that I never let go of no matter how angry of a feminist I was or as independent as I forced myself to be. I wanted to fall in love, and it consumed me. I had this dream that I’d somehow find it if I left Kentucky, and I postponed leaving for a long time.

So I got to a point where I was okay. I was depressed a lot, but I had a vacation to look forward to. I had a huge breakdown back in February because I felt so utterly trapped in my situation, so I said fuck it and booked a trip because life will just have to figure out how to go on without me. I still mostly felt nothing, and I felt lonely, and I wished really hard that I could give a shit about something. I worked on trusting people a little more, and tried to trust myself to receive affection. I asked for a reminder of how it felt to be sexual again, how to touch another person, and promised myself that I’d remain in control and wouldn’t let it hold me back. LMAO

So, I guess I find some comfort in knowing that I got what I wanted. And I mostly didn’t lose control. I’m not self harming. I’m in control of my behavior. As much as I hope that this is a sign that I can have some sort of affect on my reality, it seems unfair for some reason. Like, loads of people never “find love” or they do find it and then it ends because it always ends. Life is shitty and then you die. To hope for anything more is selfish.

So that’s where I’m at. Just... being melodramatic.

There’s not even really anything to be upset about. I’ve literally been going back and forth every other day because I can’t deal with having something good. Maybe that’s my problem.

When I was a kid, there were days when my dad would randomly buy me gifts or give me money or praise me for no reason, and then the next day or even the next hour he would turn on a dime. He called me fat and lazy a lot. He would threaten to hide his money so that me and my mom couldn’t buy food. He was under a lot of pressure and worked constantly, and he took his anger out on me because I couldn’t leave.

My first boyfriend lived four hours away in Ohio. I could only see him once a month, but we talked on the phone all the time. He would get jealous of all of my friends, even girls. When I confided that I thought I was bisexual, he was dismissive. He told me he’d hit me if I cheated on him. One time, he dreamt that he walked in on me fucking some rando, and that he shot me. We broke up for a short time, and I had sex with a guy friend, which I told him about at some point when we got back together. In response, he said a lot of hurtful things and cut off contact completely.

My second boyfriend was twenty-four when I was seventeen. He was interested in someone who could be a full-time slave, and coerced me into trying more than just BDSM. He would constantly compare me to other people. He made me talk about him fucking other people when we were fucking. He tried to coerce me into having a threesome with some ex-girlfriend of his. He would call me stupid and spoiled, and he constantly made me feel like I was nothing. I let him fuck me in a janitor’s closet at the hotel where he worked. I didn’t enjoy it.

My third boyfriend was as passive as my exes were abusive. He was kind, and he did anything I asked him to, but I’m not sure if he cared about me. He never defended me when his friends put me down. When I confided to him about being trans, he skirted around the issue and wouldn’t call me Nolan.

I cheated on him with the person who ended up my fourth boyfriend. He had gay parents and appreciated me no matter how I identified. I don’t know why I broke up with him. Self-sabotage maybe. I still think about him a lot. I don’t know if I was always happy, but I think for the most part I was. I think he deserved better than me.

There was a stretch of time where I fucked a lot of random people. I met them through other friends, or on dating apps. I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t know why I made the effort.

At one point, I dated this married couple. I even babysat their two-year-old once. I think the wife really loved me. I think I loved her too, but as we can see I have a history of not actually believing that people are capable of finding me important. The husband was just trying to get as much pussy as he could. He made a big show of supporting my trans-ness, but when I was blowing him he didn’t think of me that way. He was one of many men who tried to coerce me into participating in orgies. I think I enjoyed it some of the time, but it was abundantly clear that I did not matter to him.

I had another relationship with this trans girl and I think it was one of the few normal relationships I’ve had. I don’t think I was very good to her, but at least we’re still friends.

I’ve already visited this part of myself. I’ve revisited it a lot. I have tried to work past it. I’ve tried to get away from it. It feels like I can’t escape it, and I think perhaps being in the same place that I’ve always been has contributed to this. I’m sleeping in the same room where my dad has yelled at me, where I’ve cried my way through break ups, where I laid awake and wondered if I’d ever actually matter to anyone.

I dunno why I do this to myself. I don’t know why I do this to anyone else.

I guess it’s just particularly disheartening because I thought that I’d done a really great job of moving past it. I used to think I couldn’t survive being single for a year, let alone two. Also a month ago I thought “Wouldn’t it be nice to literally feel anything at all?” and WOW am I eating my words.

I’m really just feeling way too much and I hate it, and I wish I could say I’m hopeful for the future but like... just, fuck it all. I keep waiting for things to change and they just never fucking do. I wish I could blame my completely shit feelings on being hungry or tired or stressed but like? I’ve taken my T-shot, I’m hydrated, I still felt like steaming shit after I had something to eat. I’m literally about to take a trip that I’ve been anticipating for a really heckin’ long time but instead of being overcome with joy, I can’t stop crying?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I let this happen? Why is it like every time I try to stop this from happening, I’m just like “lol it can’t be helped” and let it fucking take over my life?

I guess....... what I’m really trying to say..... is that if I get back from this trip and I don’t have some semblance of clarity and a better sense of direction that I’ll be fucking pissed. Best case scenario: My gut was right all along and I do somehow find true love. Like, trying to be realistic has literally never helped me before so why start now? Yeah, maybe in two weeks time I somehow meet someone or have some magical experience that changes the course of my life forever. Or maybe the universe is chaos and I’ll be forced to live out my existence in this flesh prison until I am suddenly and painfully no longer able to perceive anything at all. Maybe the plane will crash and it will be very tragic but ultimately irrelevant to the grander scheme of things.

Whatever happens, I just hope I never fucking feel this way again because I’m so god damn sick of it.

AND FURTHERMORE I just want to say that I think it’s completely unfair that Chris could be so completely everything I want and to literally read my mind and to look at me with their stupid fucking googly eyes like they actually give a shit lmao who the fuck decided this? i want my god damn money back. love is bullshit the end

#personal

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