#All in all. It's a fascinating subject I'm all for discussing. But not before stating that I consider the feelings of real people to be mor

[motoroil-recs]

I suppose this counts as a kinfession. I just wanted to state how sometimes it gets really frustrating to see sentients who are kin with a not binary character that uses they/them (see Kris from Deltarune) and them then using he/him. I get that it is their own memories and literally them, but I suppose after a while it feels like some sort of erasure to me? I hope that makes sense, and if anybody could explain more to make me more comfortable with this specific thing, that would be lovely as well. I always want to keep an open mind.

🏎️‼️

[burr-ell]

On the subject of Vex's flaws, I think it's interesting to compare and contrast the conversations she has first with Vax and then with Percy in 1x63. Right before the episode break, Vax goes to Vex to talk to her about the title Percy gave her and tells her that while he appreciates that it made her happy, to him it's like "gilding a lily" and that she's "already perfect" to him. She insists her strength is an act and he immediately replies "bullshit".

Immediately after the break, Vex seeks out Percy, and thanks him for the title and tells him how much it meant to her that he took up for her that way. Percy says a title is "mostly there to remind you you don't really need it" and "it doesn't change anything", and they have a brief discussion about the logistics of what her title means. He teases her that "I imagine you're eventually going to become very insufferable" but then adds that "you have to be".

Now on its face it seems like Percy's saying the same thing Vax is! But there are a couple of crucial differences. For one thing, the comments Percy makes about her becoming "insufferable" (and then that actually she should be) are clearly playful, but it's also an acknowledgment that she can be exasperating. Lighthearted it may be, but it tells Vex that Percy's not afraid of her flaws or put off by the ways she could potentially be annoying. For another, he openly admits that she doesn't actually have any land—the land isn't his to give; it's Cassandra's, as the actual ruler of the city. Percy's promising her what he CAN give her, with an honest explanation of what that is. Like with the come-from-money conversation, he's being both kind and objective. It's at this point where he says a title "doesn't change anything", and I think that allows Vex to see his gesture for the totality of what it is and make her own choice about what she does with it. It's like the arrows; he's giving her the tools to forge her own path, trusting her judgment.

Now I'm not at all hating on Vax here, but I do think Vex's conversation with him revealed some flaws in their relationship. Vax only emphasizes how Vex is cool and strong, and when Vex directly states that it's an act, Vax dismisses this and says he needs her to keep being strong. And he clearly means well! But it's a fascinating choice from Laura to go from that conversation and then talk to Percy the first chance she gets, and one of the things that says is that Vex does not trust Vax's judgment of her in that moment. He's her brother, and he just explicitly said she's perfect! Vex has, by this point, started to see her own flaws clearly enough that just telling her how amazing she is doesn't address the issue, and she's less inclined to trust the opinion of someone who does it. She wants to know that someone can see her flaws, assess her honestly, and still love her.

And the conversation with Percy shows Vex someone who looks at her and sees through her, who has seen and done terrible things and is clever and pragmatic and ruthless, someone who does his best to evaluate a situation as objectively as possible and someone who's striving every day to become better. And that person trusts her, wants to see her succeed, and gives her everything he can to make that happen.

[seraphcelene]

IWTV 2.7: I Could Not Prevent It

I almost hate to keep circling the drain on what this season of IwtV has done, but it's so choice and so intentional and it makes my little writer's heart sing. I love it because I love narrative. Storytelling in all of its nuanced, complex, diverse ways is a thing that fascinates me to no end. An unreliable narrator is arguably one of my favorite things because I already have an almost immediate distrust of the narrative voice. So, when an author does that shit on purpose? 😍

Oh my Fucking Gods! I have a hard on for that shit because who do you trust, what's the truth, how do we understand the story we are being told? I love the act of identifying loosely patched over edges and pulling at loose threads. There's a lie here, someone is playing all up in my face and I want the answers! And a really good writer who implements an unreliable narrator leaves tells all the fuck over the place. After all ....

"You cannot script a hurricane."

Okay, here we are in episode seven, still circling the drain of who has ownership of the story? Louis is the vampire who is being "interviewed" with the occasional footnote offered by Armand. This is in tension with the book in which Louis's is the only voice. What has changed, to make this a richer story, is how introducing Armand's perspective now turns everything on its head. It's an explicit kind of dig at the way that interviews are curated by both the interviewer and the interviewee. What are you willing to discuss? What's on the record? What's off the record? How much external research and material will be introduced? How does the story survive interpretation? What's the fucking goal here?

I'm thinking a little about the Andrew McCarthy documentary about the Brat Pack and how one New York Magazine article in 1985 turned the lives of a group of up and coming actors sideways. David Blum, who wrote the article, had an agenda. He had a point to prove and the article wasn't especially flattering. Watching the doc it becomes clear that Emilio Estevez had a different idea about what that article was supposed to be about. But such is the nature of the interview. In the end, the story shared, in all of its limited, constructed dance of questions and answers is still subject to editing, the perspective of the interviewer, and interpretation by the reader.

Here, Louis has a point to make. Exactly what that is? Who really knows. He does the first interview as a kind of love letter/suicide note to the world before he walks into the sun. This "re-do" might still be such. It also might be his attempt to understand what happened. He has questions, he knows there's holes and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that he can't and doesn't trust Armand. He also could want to, as I think he states in S1E1, provide an accurate accounting of what vampires are like.

Honestly, I'm on the self-discovery train.

I love how when Louis gets angry, and he has been getting angrier and angrier, he snaps hard on people. The way he shushes Daniel, "I am speaking," was delicious. Armand's discomfort was apparent and I had to wonder given this is the season's penultimate episode what we're about to find out about what happened in the past and his part in it. He's been concerned about how this was all going to go and he's only gotten MORE uncomfortable as the series has progressed.

But, and as always, what do we get to really know? Who's story is being remembered?

Louis's true and living history?

A flawed truth that Louis remembers in fragments patched over by imperfect logic? (how memory maybe really works?)

A false truth fed to him by Armand?

How about a messy patchwork of all the fucked up above.

Lestat is back. Out for blood or on the apology tour, not exactly sure. The Brat Prince himself treading the boards of the theater he helped to establish, what a sight. Lestat loves the show, he loves performance. It's definitely one of the characteristics carried over from the book. Lestat is petty and savage and a liar. He makes himself a victim, but why? What is the value of it? The trial is a farce and Lestat feels wronged and wants revenge. He wants to be as important to Louis as Claudia is. He wants to be loved in return because he is a terrible person and he knows it, but also, Lestat de Lioncourt feels incredibly deep. For all of his toxicity, Lestat was written as a character who loves to the detriment of his own best interest. And he loves Louis. I remember them from the books as acknowledging that they are that couple who are meant to be together but never CAN be together because they are too toxic to each other.

"I couldn't force him to love me. I couldn't force him to return my affections … and so … I broke him." TOXIC and PETTY AS FUCK.

Stories told by the heartbroken. What lies do you make up to explain and justify a thing that happened so that you are not culpable?

Lestat in this episode and the next is also prepping us for the shift that must, to some degree, come with Season 3. How do you turn a villain into an anti-hero into a hero? Lestat is the hero of The Vampire Lestat and of The Vampire Chronicles. I think the show runners are starting that redemption arc now. Not the smallest part of which is Lestat as an unknown quantity, uncontrollable if he doesn't want to be.

Daniel's voice is honest and unnervingly direct. He strips the window dressing off of everything, exposing nuance to a critical light that leaves everything sordid and as ugly as reality just is. In that there is, perhaps, the closest we will ever get to the truth.

Arguably, if it weren't for Santiago we might forget that alot of this is bullshit. Angry, jealous, manipulative, Santiago's performance during the trial forces the viewer to confront the reality of a crafted narrative. He knows they're lying and spitting scripted facts skewed for effect. It was brilliant to watch the bounce between his goals and Lestat's constant slide into melancholia. HAHAHA! A hurricane, indeed. That guy was SO. ANNOYED.

Episode 7 continues with the manipulation of the storyline made as clear and explicit as it ever has been. The way the music is used during the trial, Lestat's lies and half-truths, the animation running on the screen. We're being beaten over the head with this blur between performance and reality.

Watching the re-tread of how Claudia became a vampire makes me me feel like I need to go back to watch Season 1. The gaslighting is real! And then Louis' capitulation to the differences in the way he remembers it happened and the way that Lestat says it happens is perfect! Tell it Lestat's way, for the book. Because he DOESN'T REMEMBER. There are, after all, three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth.

Louis' memory has been so tampered with. By time, by Armand's manipulations, by madness, and trauma.

I still maintain that Armand is trash.

I thought the title would be a quote from Louis who in admission of his own powerlessness laments Claudia's death as an unavoidable failure on his part. That it is Armand who has ownership of the line changes the story, as always. I could not prevent it suggests that there was nothing that he could do, but the reality, as has so often been the case with Armand, is that he did not want to. The entire sham trial was preventable had he chosen Louis over the coven to begin with. The unfortunate reality is that he, like Lestat, despised Claudia for Louis' adoration of her. He was jealous and would forever be and the only way that he could have exactly what he wanted was to get rid of her. Doing it this way, he gets to blame the coven and Lestat. Arguably, Lestat for all of his machinations and insecurities, his petulant rage, actually loves and was loved by Louis in a way that Armand, despite Louis's modern protestations, never can or will be.

I'm so in love with the way the story is told that I don't talk too much about Claudia. A BOOK could be written about the silencing of marginalized female voices. Claudia, despite her diaries, has no real voice in this. She is an assemblage of half-remembrances and a yellow dress pinned to the wall. It makes it so much more poignant and electric then that she curses every last person sitting in that theater before she burns. There is no need to hide that or shade it. It was not directed at Louis. Armand's willingness to allow Claudia to burn while not doing the same for Louis is tragic. And again, all of this could have been unnecessary. I've said before that I don't think Armand was ever much of an alpha.

[a-tale-never-told]

//Apologies for this massive delay, since I was celebrating New Year's in Europe, (Western and Northern Europe to be specific), but thank you!^^ I greatly appreciate these comments, guys, and I'm sharing the same sentiment as you all, that it might be an enjoyable New Year's.

//Frankly, I wasn't expecting to receive any asks, considering that I've created a post earlier, detailing my thoughts on 2023 as a whole and expressing my thanks beforehand, but I'm delighted to see these comments nonetheless since it's actually the first time receiving these types of asks for me^^

//Originally, I wanted to continue the previous post for Christmas as I initially wrote down more extensive comments that I wanted to reveal and share with the entirety of you. However, I'd had to officially scrap it, since I was about to disembark and leave for the Uber, which offered an explanation as to why it ended so abruptly, as that's not what I had in mind, regarding my New Year's post. If I'd had more preparedness and better timing, I would've undoubtedly written more to show my gratitude towards you all.

//Fortunately, I've managed to regain some inspiration and energy from my experiences in Europe, as well as experimenting with numerous ideas for broadening out my options in terms of character writing, especially when it comes to writing realistic dialogue for the characters and how they're supposed to behave, so I'm really excited to share with you all what I have in the works^^

//More importantly, I look back on my earlier posts and came to a realization that I haven't been talking much about Danaganronpa content and media on my blog since it's so microscopic when you revisit the earlier moments of it, and it's quite embarrassing when you managed to neglect the major piece of media that everyone followed this blog for, aside from the historical lore.

//So that's why I wanna start reviewing and analyzing Danganronpa content from this ask onwards, critiquing and assessing the qualities of the Danganronpa franchise, discussing the central themes and topics of every piece of lore, specifically Fanganronpa content, and how the variety of each Fanganronpa's subject matter, interesting themes, creative and colorful cast of characters, and the majority of its storylines serves as a gateway to introduce an entirely new generation of Danganronpa enthusiasts who've probably never heard of Danganronpa before, as well as doing separate analyses of Danaganronpa characters, outlining my reasons as to why they're so enjoyable to watch

//Nevertheless, this doesn't mean I'm going to neglect the historical themes of the blog, because that's a central part of the blog. Yet, I want to extensively focus more on the historical aspects of this blog, discussing past events, stating the facts about what happened, and how the aftereffects of these pivotal moments in history created the path that we're currently living in. I'm recently getting invested in an alternate history, a subgenre that's honestly fascinating in the amount of diverse timelines people have made over the years.

//Hopefully, I can master this dynamic of integrating my passion for History as a genre, with my adoration and love for Danganronpa content, and be able to strike a balance between the two topics. Suffice it to say, there's going to be changes in what topics I'm shifting my focus on.

//Still, I hope you enjoyed this response. Apologies for getting sidetracked, but I really do value all of the support you guys give me, and I can't express how overjoyed I am to receive this, since I wasn't even expecting it. I wish you all a Happy New Year, and a fantastic 2024!^^

[pink-of-hair]

Temperature play or waxplay? Does burning people with Ashley's wings also lead to an interest in burning (or getting burned)?

🌂 You cannot even begin to understand how badly I want to burn people.

🌂 Have you seen blisters?

🌂 vibraaaaaaaaaating

🌂 Okay, while I'd love to sink into an abyss of indulgence it doesn't make for especially compelling reading.

🌂 So, up front: I have zero experience with third degree burns, so I can't talk much on that front. But like. I'm pretty sure third degree burns are the "stop debating, get this bitch to a hospital" tier, so I can't imagine that's too relevant to our discussion.

♠️ Says the "murder lesbian".

🌂 Quiet you!!!

🌂 I have quite a lot of experience with small second degree burns all throughout my life though. Because I am incompetent, have poor fine motor skills and while I wouldn't say I cook I still eat at least one rung up the ladder from microwave ready meals. This has lead to a fascination with them, I think. It sucks to have them in a spot that's gonna move around a lot but like...

🌂 It's interesting! A cool change!

🌂 We (especially Prime, but emotional bleed is funny) like the whole "putting pressure on a wound" thing, and blisters are soooo good for that. Well. If the other person is enjoying themselves at least. They're so sensitive!

🌂 Fire is also a very pure form of destruction. It's almost like... destruction itself? It has lots of very appreciated aesthetic relations thanks to that.

🌂 Wax sounds appealing, but I Have Not Tried. Seems like a safe (ish) way to avoid going waaaaay too far but still get to put burns, or at least reddened skin on people. I like it! Sounds safer than me holding up my zippo to you. But I also wanna use that zippo... hehehehehehehehe...

🌂 If someone were to burn me... it'd 100% have to be on the top side of my right wrist. Our old biting place back when our mental health was bad enough that we bit. It has aesthetic significance. That has practical concerns obviously, few sleeves are that long, but I can just wrap a piece of cloth around it if the mark is too obvious and I need to go out the next day. I'm a girl who ties her hair back with panties sometimes. That wouldn't even ping as out the ordinary. What was I saying? Oh right, burn me, burn me, burn me!

🌂 Temperature play in the tamer sense is funny. My body is... somewhat bad at regulating its temperature? It's one of my Weaknesses. One of many. Especially if part of my body is at a different temperature than another part.

🌂 I like people using things I'm bad at handling to reduce me to a lesser state. It's one of my big things. So it sounds appealing! You have the green light to do it to me anon! As long as you successfully seduced me before that, of course.

🌂 I am... not too interested in varying someone else's temperature to sexual ends if it isn't gonna leave a mark. That's a big part of it to me I think. I'm fine with doing things other people are into, I'm very service a lot of the time. But I'm not personally interested in it?

🌂 Aithne (🔥) would be very interested in it if it was something the subject was absolutely bananas about. She likes pulling on people's greatest derangements. So she'd probably be a best bet.

[erabundus]

@ironbloodcd &&. said... "Is there something that you require, Scaramouche?" Ill Dottore doesn't raise his head as he addresses the Sixth Harbinger, and it remains bowed as his hands continue to fiddle around within the chest cavity of his current specimen. On the table, the homunculus' body jerks and spasms, though any thrashing moyions that he might actually make are quite restrained by the leather straps that bind his limbs. An additional one wraps around his brow to keep his head in place. "I'm in the middle of something... delicate. It won't do for you to distract me." If the homunculus can hear the discussion, he gives no sign of it. Teal eyes are clouded over, staring up at the light fixture above him without actually seeing, while his lips are parted in a level of agony that leaves him unable to make a sound. His breaths are shuddering, sputtering, as if dragging each one into his lungs is a struggle. He wants to die, he wants to die, he wants to-- "Though you're welcome to come observe if you're curious," the Doctor hums, as if the suffering of the artificial man on his operating table isn't happening at all, "I'm examining his heart - quite fascinating, really. It's akin to the one the we found on Dragonspine~" The organ that he speaks of in question looks more akin to a crystal of sorts - it's red and pulses much like a regular heart does, however. Its beats seem to stutter as Dottore presses a finger to it, and the homunculus' entire back attempts to arch in a display of unimaginable agony, eyes rolling up into his head before his body, at last, slumps and goes still. Unconsciousness is a small mercy here, though even in this state, a steady trail of tears flows from each eye. "Subject has lost consciousness again," This time, Dottore's murmurs are for the sake of his own notes, "Pain threshold seems to be slightly higher than a standard human - lower than Subject Scaramouche, however. Perhaps I'll need to test that on another date."

he  doesn't  ANNOUNCE  his  presence,  though  he  doubts  that  he  needs  to  —  dottore  would  be  a  poor  excuse  for  a  harbinger  if  he  didn't  notice  the  balladeer  lurking  behind  him.  neither  does  he  make  any  moves  to  answer  the  doctor's  QUESTION.  rather,  kunikuzushi  merely  steps  forward  at  the  acknowledgement,  peering  down  at  the  table  with  an  expression  that  feels  suitably  stormy ... like  dark  clouds  gathering  overtop  what  would  otherwise  be  a  beautiful  horizon.  he  wonders  if  the  homunculus  is  even  aware  of  his  presence,  so  clearly  entangled  in  the  throes  of  such  immense  agony.  can't  blame  him;  the  balladeer  is  no  stranger  to  finding  himself  placed  in  similarly  dire  straits.  limbs  removed,  chest  cavity  torn  open,  what  suffices  as  internal  organs  left  EXPOSED  for  all  the  world  to  see.  he  thinks  there  was  a  time  when  he  once  reacted  similarly  —  but  after  so  much  repetition,  even  the  most  inhumane  horrors  imaginable  can  be  rendered  mundane.

yet  it's  strange.  it  shouldn't  BOTHER  HIM,  but  a spike of discomfort  sees  jaw  tightening  and  hands  curling  into  fists  all  the  same.  empathy,  one  might  assume.  a  desire  to  protect  his  fellow  artificial  lifeform  —  someone  he  had  shared  his  deepest  aspirations  with.  however,  the balladeer  is  a  terribly complicated  (  contradictory  )  creature  —  and  any  tenderness  he  may  feel  towards  the  homunculus  is  quickly  flooded  by  an  overwhelming  sense  of  JEALOUSY.  different  from  the  envy  that  had  once  wracked  him  during  their  first  meeting.  more  bitter.  impossibly  more  personal.  why,  he  thinks.  why.  why.  why.

why  does  he  have  a  HEART ...  and  kunikuzushi  doesn't?

movement  snaps  him  back  to  his  senses.  the  balladeer  watches  as  consciousness  bleeds  away  —  and  he  supposes  that  could  be  taken  as  a  BLESSING.  (  the  sole avenue  of  escape  available  at  this  point.  )  he  opens  his  mouth  to  speak,  only  for  breath  to  abruptly  hitch  in  his  throat  at  the  sight  of  what  tears  flow  freely  from  the  homunculus'  eyes,  even  in  sleep.  suddenly, he  feels  DISGUSTING  in  a  very  intimate  way  he  can't  even  begin  to  rationalize  —  only  that  what  bitterness  he  has  clung  to  as  a  comfort  has  warped  into  something  both  familiar  and  unrecognizable.  (  and  he  is  repulsed,  repulsed,  repulsed  by  his  own  emotions  once  again.  he  feels  like  he  might  CHOKE  on  it.  )  tongue  clicks  and  kunikuzushi  turns,  fingers  ghosting  across  the  edge  of  his  kasa.  he  pretends  to  focus  his  attention  on  dottore  and  does  everything  in  his  power  to  carve  away  the  image  SEARED  into  his  perfect  memory.  he  regrets  ever  coming  here.

❝  a  little  GROTESQUE,  even  by  your  standards  —  don't  you  think?  ❞  he  doesn't  care  whether  he  interrupts  the  doctor's  train  of  thought.  perhaps  a  spiteful  part  of  him  quietly  hopes  that  he  DOES.  ❝  knocking  him out  from  the  start  would  be  easier ...  or  are  you  just  feeling  particularly  SADISTIC  today?  ❞ how ... unprofessional.

[sedoretu]

That book you mentioned reading, about Homosexuality vs America? Was it a good book? I'm looking for a good, accurate LGBT+ history book to read during pride month and honestly I don't know where to begin. I've only ever been able to read a bit from the Stonewall Wikipedia page and definitely need to learn more.

Yes! It’s “The Deviant’s War: The Homosexual vs the United States of America” by Eric Cervini, a historian specializing in queer history (who is also stupid cute). It’s very good and very accurate (to my knowledge). I haven’t finished it yet but really enjoying it so far.

It’s not a complete history of the gay movement. It focuses mostly on the homophile movement in Washington DC, including the first gay secret societies there, and the series of court cases that first opened public discussion of homosexuality in the decade or so before Stonewall as well as after. Popular figures like Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P Johnson are mentioned when Stonewall happens, but it doesn’t really focus on them. The main subjects are mostly white, so it’s not a comprehensive view of the movement, but it’s a part of it that doesn’t get a lot of modern attention.

That said, it’s a fascinating history. A lot of accounts treat Stonewall as the Big Bang of the gay movement — huge but somewhat random — but this book simultaneously reveals all the work that went into the gay movement before stonewall, including huge national controversies, and also shows why stonewall was such a big deal. Finally, it does a really great job of laying out the exact progression of “the discourse” that resulted in the language of “pride” that we use today. So fascinating, fascinating stuff. Definitely give it a read!

[myheartmightexplode]

Tarsus iv

Summary

Big, black holographic letters before a plain white wall. A name seared into his memory like a fresh burn scar that itched, stung and roared when touched, followed by the most bullshitty question he had ever heard, in neat, 20 % transparent letters:

TARSUS IV - Were Kodos' actions defendable?

Anyone who has ever been in a class, has usually met that one guy.

'That one guy' is the guy who, without fail, doesn't arrive a second before he has to. And after a week or so of finding the barely-in-time arrival annoying, you just get used to it, and stop paying it attention altogether.

Therefore, no student really cared when one infamous James T. Kirk deftly slid into the auditorium to the beep of an attendance card and the hiss of the doors sealing shut behind him. This was also why his best friend, Leonard "Bones" McCoy, didn't have to follow his eye roll up with any kind of comment; as Interspecies Ethics 241 approached its end, any snide comments he could come up with had all been said once or twice before.

Neither he, nor Spock - a vulcan exchange student that decided to stay behind on Earth after his semester was up, and also the only of Jim's bedroom encounters with aliens that stayed tangled in the sheets - started when blonde hair and a cheerful grin climbed not as much as leaned over the two back rows of the auditorium and shoved them apart, to press an out-of-breath kiss to green-tinged lips.

"C'mon, Bones, move over."

Bones let out a snort. "If you wanna sit with the cool kids, you gotta be on time." Jim opened his mouth to complain, but was cut off with a sharp, "it's full, Jim! Go sit in the back."

Respect and discipline was two values which Starfleet Academy held highly, so when the guest lecturer started speaking, Jim merely gave his friend an ugly look and struggled himself into the back row, splitting up a couple of friends.

He hadn't unpacked his bag or sunk into his not-nearly-cushioned-enough-but-apparently-ergonomic seat before the lecturer announced the theme of his lecture, and in the same breath, captured Jim's attention like no teacher could ever hope to do.

Big, black holographic letters before a plain white wall. A name seared into his memory like a fresh burn scar that itched, stung and roared when touched, followed by the most bullshitty question he had ever heard, in neat, 20 % transparent letters:

TARSUS IV - Were Kodos' actions defendable?

He stood, and gestured for the girl next to him to stand. When she didn't react, merely cast a look at him that asked him how stupid he was or what he was on, he grit his teeth and shoved past her, probably painfully crashing into knees and stepping on toes and backpacks on the way, but with a numbing anger, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Affronted, their teacher rose from her seat next to the controls to the holo, hissing an accusing "Cadet!" as the door next to her opened with the internal override.

Not turning away from the lecturer, who busily continued as if nothing had happened, Bones scoffed at the vague shape in the corner of his eye of a fellow student flipping the bird on their way out. Some people just had to make a scene.

When the class ended, Bones turned to see that Jim had run ahead of them, which, though uncharacteristic of him, wasn't surprising. Bones knew better than to expect Jim to act a certain way; the guy always ended up doing the exact opposite. Whether it was because he liked to fuck with people's heads, or it was just in his nature to be unpredictable, Bones had yet to find out.

Spock didn't talk a lot unless prompted to do so by Jim, so the walk to the absolutely packed cantina was a silent one. Traveling through Monday morning hallways was a game of pinball with not-quite-awake latecomers and last minute crammers reading up on whatever subject their test would be on, which meant that securing a table was a privilege of the students quick to exit class. Neither Spock nor Bones rushed needlessly, so the discovery that Jim had secured a table for the three of them was a welcome one.

How Jim had already acquired lunch as well, though, was a bit of a mystery. That Bones got an avoidance rather than an answer when he asked as much was even more of one.

"Sorry. Just had to run ahead," he answered, attempting to fit half a sandwich in his mouth and not chewing thoroughly before gulping the chunk down in a manner similar to a bird of prey in a hurry. "I skipped breakfast this morning, so I was— I'm—" Jim cut himself off with an odd expression in favor of shoving more food into his oral cavity.

Bones stared expectantly. "Starving, Jim. You can say it if you try hard enough," he teased. Spock, as per usual, misunderstood him, and saw his chance to demonstrate his knowledge to his inferior human companions.

"Indeed, it is not a word considered 'taboo' amongst humans, especially since a famine has not occurred since late 21st century, due to advanced—"

"The fuck it hasn't. Just because Vulcan and Earth has a limitless food supply, it doesn't mean that the rest of the universe is as lucky."

Spock didn't appear offended, but something about his face made it clear that he didn't appreciate much being interrupted and belittled in the same sentence. Leonard assumed that his own face was just as expressive.

"'The hell, Jim? We're talking about Earth, not the rest of the universe. What crawled up your ass and died?" He would probably be amused that Jim had managed to eat half his lunch with an impressive three bites, but was a bit too busy feeling secondhand offense from Spock when all Jim saw fit to answer with was a scoff. "Don't get all touchy over Tarsus IV. 'S only a week long subject."

Spock suppressed an instinctual wince as James' metal chair scraped over the stone floor, creating a noise that cut painfully into his ears.

"I forgot my PADD in the classroom," he stated, abandoning his lunch as he collected his jacket and bag, throwing over his shoulder as he went: "See you in Nonverbal Communication."

Spock had, and suspected McCoy had as well, seen his beloved store away his PADD in his bag as they were approaching his acquired table, and therefore immediately revealed the statement to be invalid. What reason Jim would have to make the untruthful statement, however, Spock didn't know. He decided to voice as much. "I am struggling to understand the human tendency of 'lying white.'"

"White lies, Spock. It's 'white lies.'" Bones was torn between wanting to laugh at the vulcan, and buy him an educational book on FSE expressions, but thoughts of Jim distracted him. He sighed. "Yeah, me neither."

The day after, Jim was wholly absent from class. Spock would easily admit that he did not understand this sudden behavior of James'. While his 'boyfriend' might certainly not be the most logical of humans, he could always be trusted to do his very best in every situation, and always 'come out on top.' While often absentminded, always listening. While perpetually late, never did he skip class. Unless he was not feeling well?

Jim had taken up the habit of always calling Spock sometime between 23:48 and 00.07 every evening, which meant they had half an hour for talking before Spock begun his meditation. Their nightly conversations were illogical, as they rarely had anything of importance to discuss that could not be discussed at another more favorable time, but most nights, they provided Spock with a sense of calm, which aided him in his meditation later, and he felt himself growing fond of them in a way that surely was not vulcan.

There had been no such call the previous night, and as Jim always was the one to start the conversations, Spock had taken this as a need for privacy, and refrained from calling Jim himself.

Now that the classroom doors sealed shut, preventing latecomers from disturbing the rest of the class, Spock was left unsettled. McCoy, beside him in the same seats as the previous day, looked around the room, restlessly.

Seeming not to find what he was searching for, he settled down with notes from the previous lesson in front of him. "Probably slept in," he mumbled, as the lecturer started speaking.

Unsure of how to put words to his 'gut feelings,' Spock kept quiet.

Tarsus IV was an uncomfortable topic, and also one of the reasons that Bones wasn't all that fond of the big, black, star spangled silence up there. After all, Earth was a very safe place to live, with everything you needed at least somewhere nearby, and a lot of safety nets if something should go wrong. Serving on a star ship, or at a base somewhere on a barren planet several lightyears away from civilization, you had no safety nets. Limited supplies and death in all directions.

And still, the only place he truly belonged.

Even if Tarsus IV reminded him just where he was going and how bad an idea it really was, he kept a straight face and his fingers steady when they broke up in groups for discussions, listened to witness descriptions and took notes during the lengthy lecture on theories and controversies on and around the still touchy subject. The lecturer treated the whole topic tastefully, theorizing rather then concluding, which was a rare find, as most people seeking to comment on the incident either were theorists who painted it as a cruel massacre and wholeheartedly believed Starfleet to be behind the whole thing and Kodos still alive, or professors who had found proof that everything had gone to plan, and no innocent life had been stolen.

Bones did find the guest lecturer interesting, but not half as much as Spock, it seemed. He had attempted to mock the vulcan for it, but black eyes had turned to him sharply, and merely stated that "the conflict between logic and ethics is extremely fascinating, and Dr. Durmeg seems to have conducted thorough research, with valuable findings that may be the most relevant information pertaining to the discussion of Tarsus IV ethics." Sometimes Bones wondered why he bothered.

The walk towards the lunch hall was less obstructed on a late tuesday, and for once, Spock elected to talk during the whole walk. Bones didn't know if the vulcan brain allowed vulcans to process more information at one time than the human brain did, or if it was just Spock, but the young man had come up with some 'extremely fascinating' theories that had Bones wondering if he shouldn't be right up there beside the lecturer.

He wasn't done talking when he reached the table that Jim - mysteriously - had captured a second day in a row. Gracefully sliding down into the chair opposite his boyfriend, Spock busied himself with his brought, vegetarian, lunch.

"It is most unfortunate that you missed this class," he said as he released the smell of a vulcan salad from its container. It seemed to smell pleasing to him, but Bones felt mildly nauseated by the odor. Unaware of his friend's discomfort, Spock elaborated: "The Dr. Durmeg expressed interesting and valuable viewpoints on the Tarsus IV crisis."

Jim's vague hum seemed to confirm the statement, and discourage rather than encourage an elaboration, but the tone was either lost on or ignored by Spock.

"Indeed, he made some quite convincing arguments that Kodos' action were entirely justifiable—"

"Nothing about Kodos is justifiable."

Spock seemed to consider the statement for a second, tilting his head. "Had you attended class—"

"We're through."

"I beg your pardon?"

Jim stood, locking his PADD and putting it away. "We're over, Spock."

And in the next second, Jim was gone.

Spock tried, futilely, to grab onto a sensible thought that would explain these actions. He turned to McCoy.

"I am not entirely sure that I understand the full meaning of this particular human—"

"He…" Bones narrowed his eyes at the hallway where Jim had disappeared. "He just broke up with you."

He hadn’t slept for days, hunger gnawing at his insides as if his body could eat itself inside out and survive that way, dull teeth scraping at his nerve endings as he felt as if he had a black hole inside of him that was pulling at him, rendering him immobile and whimpering.

Tara had fallen to her death, slipped somewhere she should’ve been safe but wasn’t because she was sluggish and blinded by the gnawing, and Yvonne had fallen asleep, but not woken up the next morning or the one after, and now they were down to ten, ten almost- and just-barely teenagers, nine who should’ve been safe in their beds maybe even with their parents by their sides if they were lucky and hadn’t decided to throw away the fact that they were so blessed as to be chosen for the sake of saving one single blind passenger, save him for nothing because now they were all going to die, all alone and hopeless, now that the darkness came and stole him away, as he passed out because he was too hungry and too cold and too hurting to fall asleep but his body couldn’t take anymore and—

Jim didn’t awake with screams and moans anymore, mainly because the nightmares didn’t plague him any longer, but also because they weren’t as much nightmares as bad memories, and if there was one thing Jim didn’t do, it was linger on the past. However, the experiences left him shaking, cold and with a wave of nausea washing over him as he stretched out under the sheets, just to feel the soft cotton all around him, just to forget the sensation of wet, dirty, sandy clothes clinging to his body.

The room was completely dark, but the window let in a slight shimmer of blue light that caressed his desk, the spines of the books in the book shelf, the night stand and the empty right side of the bed. With a shaking breath, he reached for his cell phone, ignoring the glaring numbers of the display in favor of thumbing through his programmed contacts, not trusting his voice to carry the voice commands correctly.

It wasn’t until his thumb rested over the name so dear to him, that he realized what he had actually done not too many hours previous.

Releasing the device with a sigh, he curled back up under the cold sheets, staring at the insides of his eyelids. Spock wouldn’t be mad, Spock would probably understand and brush it away as emotional human behavior, and act as if nothing had happened, but the sudden realization that he had broken up with Spock left him inexplicably shaken, to the core, and feeling alone and very small and like he didn’t belong.

If he didn’t cry himself to sleep, it wasn’t because the black hole in his chest didn’t hurt.

"I don’t think I’ve seen you worried before."

The observation wasn't anything but that: An observation. Interestingly enough, seeing as almost every reference McCoy made to his behavior came in the form of an insulting attempt to, presumably, elicit an emotional response.

In the same fashion, Spock voiced his observations on Jim's behavior, and the questions it had raised within him.

" I don't delude myself as to think I have gotten him pinned down, but as I've for a while studied Jim's behavioral nature, this sudden 'breaking up' seems to me unmotivated and uncharacteristically not thought through. Additionally, I have come to the conclusion that this could be related to the current lecture subject and our discussions of it, which leaves me 'puzzled.'"

Leonard cringed visibly from the strange, if not audibly painful mixture of informal and formal federation standard english. "Keep working on your colloquial english, Spock. Anyway, would've thought vulcans didn't worry."

Spock opened his mouth, to answer one remark or the other, Bones assumed, but was interrupted by the lecturer's arrival. He thought he might've caught a glimmer of disappointment in those expressionless eyes as Spock sat down next to him, swiftly entering vulcan notes into his PADD ("quite logically, seeing as the experience would not only ensure easier and more correct recalling of the lesson, while simultaneously provide exercise in FSE to GV translation.")

The belated beep of the attendance card distracted him, though, and he turned in his seat to face his romantic partner - his boyfriend - who again had arrived barely on time, his appearance speaking of an insufficient amount of sleep. Beautiful blue eyes sought his, and Jim sent him a tight smile.

When Spock returned his smile (or what he hoped came across as one) with a slight nod and warm eyes, Jim could finally breathe out, and try a happier expression. He sunk into an end seat in the back, and drew out his PADD.

He didn't particularly want to be there, but then again, he didn't particularly want to be single any longer than he had to, (although he was pretty sure Spock had no idea what "we're through" meant anyways.) So he tuned out everything else, and started drafting up an explanation that wouldn't set off Spock's internal lie-detector, or leave anything for his vulcan curiosity to latch onto.

An hour passed by without making itself known as Jim debated family problems, insomnia, existential crisis, hell, even male PMS, and he had a good thousand words worth of half-assed stories when he became aware of the silence. Not break-silence with co-student chattering, not lecture-silence with the lecturer mumbling to himself during stops in his presentation, not note-taking silence with tap-tap-tapping on PADDs. Just silence.

Worrying that he might have been asked a question he wouldn't have the faintest idea of an answer to, he drew a breath, and looked up.

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't the gazes of a hundred and fifty six students, one guest lecturer and one teacher simultaneously directed at him.

He sent a look at Spock and Bones, fully intending to have them explain what was going on via eye contact, but the sad, pitying? look on Bones' face, and Spock's suddenly calculating eyes made him wary.

Turning his eyes to the front of the auditorium, his mouth went dry, and the black hole returned.

Spock returned his eyes to the hologram that had put a stop to the lesson.

Younger, thinner, paler, more haunted, hair dirtied by dust or dirt and with barely discernible tear tracks burrowing their way down a blank face, stood his boyfriend by a rescue shuttle, the Platon, the first shuttle to touch down on Tarsus IV after the Kodos incident.

The hologram was highly pixelated and taken from a low angle, and this, along with the folds of clothing that obscured the motive, suggested that a compact device had been used in secrecy, to obtain the picture. Had anyone seen it be taken, the photographer would likely be reprimanded, and the picture deleted. It should have been deleted, even if it was not discovered while it was being shot. Wouldn't there be witness protection? Wouldn't someone be hired to ensure that any picture of such nature was deleted from—

Opening classroom doors spurred him from his somewhat hysterical inner debate, and before he really was aware of his actions, he had packed up and went out the door, chasing Jim's hastily retreating back.

Leonard, on the other hand, was rooted by the sudden revelation, and didn't retrieve control of his limbs until the doors swished shut behind Spock.

Swearing under his breath, he, too, rose from his seat. Every step he made towards the door and every number on the override code felt incredibly awkward and loud in the silent room, but awkwardness wasn't really what was on his mind at the moment.

Sinking down into a corner of the fire evacuation staircase, Jim didn't really feel much. There was the insane, pressing pain in his chest and burning in his eyes, and maybe he twisted his ankle on the way here, but it felt as if his mind was just a floating mass, incapable of holding a thought, resulting in a buzz, like a wrongly configured communicator. He became aware of an arm snaking around his shoulders, uncharacteristic of Spock, and a warm hand massaging his shoulder, very characteristic of Bones, and maybe it relieved the pain a bit, or maybe it didn't.

He let out a puff of laughter. "I drafted like…" He did a headcount. "Fourteen different lies to tell you."

Spock needed no further explanation. He cocked his head "I think the appropriate expression is: 'Truth will out.'"

Jim neither corrected or laughed at the erroneous use of the saying, and instead snorted out a quick "maybe."

Leonard ground his teeth, rubbing his best friend's shoulder in what he hoped was a soothing manner, while he tried to sort out his thoughts before his mouth could spew something that went unchecked by his brain. 'I'm sorry' were the most pressing words, but they were lame, and Jim would probably appreciate them as much as he appreciated a fucking hologram that confirmed him as one of the nine Tarsus IV survivors being stretched out over the holoscreen in front of a whole class of starfleet cadets.

It wasn't very surprising that Jim was the first one to speak, because there wasn't a whole lot to say. The words surprised all of them though. Including Jim himself.

"I wasn't supposed to be on Tarsus IV," he confessed, grabbing a random thought out of his head and pulling it out of his mouth. And when he started talking, everything else came detached, easily:

"I snuck onto a ship to get over there. I was just so sick of Frank and Winona and Iowa that I figured I'd go somewhere they couldn't get to me. Somewhere they couldn't just… Go act all worried in front of the police and get them to haul my ass back into the house when I wanted to be alone."

He blinked repeatedly to clear his vision again, and dared a glance up at the two best people in the world. They radiated endless patience and comfort, and something that the black hole didn't take, blossomed in his chest.

"Uh… I was in eight or ninth grade, and there was this summer camp, or school, I guess, over at Tarsus IV. An advanced academical course for kids and language courses for parents and guardians, and everyone would live in really cramped houses. I was bored out of my mind with regular school, so I really wanted to go, but Winona wouldn't take me, and hell would freeze over before I took Frank, and I obviously couldn't go alone, so I snuck aboard the ship."

The three of them were all sitting down now, and even if he leaned a little heavily into the arm that was still slung awkwardly around his shoulders (he appreciated the gesture too much to shake it off, even if it felt strange,) it felt like they were just hanging out, talking about whatever crossed their mind. Even now that there was only really one thing on their minds.

"I hid in the room of my classmates on the ship over, and hacked into their databases while they were still unprotected to put my name into the class. I still had to hide in Thomas' closet when we got to Tarsus, though, because I couldn't figure out a way to assign myself some sort of housing, but you know. It just became a kid's game. Hiding from the parents, unless I wanted to be sent back home. Class was challenging, but that's what I went there for, so I had a really great time.

"I guess you know what happened next." He shrugged. "Food went bad, communication lines went down and Kodos decided it was time to play god. Fuck, he had like, a screen to relay public announcements on, and at first, we thought it was really funny in a very pretentious way, but…"

Jim didn't realize he was crying until a salty tear ran down into his mouth, and when the taste hit his tongue, his throat started tightening up. "Just, seeing a huge face of some guy who you really, really trusted before, because he was the fucking governor of the colony, saying that you and you and you have to kindly go die…

"This guy in my class, Kevin Riley, his parents were on the dead list. What kind of monster kills the parents of a kid, and expects the kid to go on fine?

"…When they rounded up the people who were going to die because their 'existence represented a threat to the well-being of society,' it was kind of obvious that he favored kids over adults. I have no idea what he was trying to do. Build his own society, I guess. I think he just wanted to see what he could make us do.

"Anyway, they made all the people on the dead-list gather together, and people were holding onto each other and kids were trying to get through the energy field when they managed to separate all of them. And then, in one second, they were all there, and in the next, everybody had just disappeared. Not a trace there'd been anyone there. I guess we were all in shock, because no one started screaming or anything, and I was just thinking that I was really lucky that I wasn't on the living-list, because it meant I'd sure as hell not be put on the death-list."

Jim chucked darkly. "God, I'd just thought the thought, and the moment after, the peace keeping forces, peace keeping, yeah right, they point their phaser rifles at us, and Kodos isn't looking nice anymore, and he just says that 'there are some blind passenger on Tarsus IV,' and my blood just froze. I was sure they knew who I was and where I was, and I had no idea what to do. He started saying something about how even one more person alive would mean 'slow death to the more valued members of society,' and we kids just panicked. I don't know how many of us there were, but someone pulled me along, and half my class started running for anywhere else. I can't even remember where we hid, I just remember trying so hard not to get caught.

"We had to hide away for one and a half weeks. They fed the 'valued members of society' in a closed area, and no one got to bring any food out, so we tried to find food elsewhere, but it just wasn't ever enough, and god, I thought a day without food was bad, but that was just hell. Freddie from our class gave up after a while and ran to Kodos' soldiers to get some food, but I don't know what Kodos told them, that they had to obey him or something unless he'd kill them, maybe, but they just took him somewhere, and he never came back.

"We hid around the housing area for another half week and I thought we were going to die that one day, but suddenly, someone got the communication back up working, and they signaled starfleet to come and rescue us, and I guess Kodos heard about that, because the soldiers just started firing away at everybody, so we just, we ran away as far as possible from any building we could see, so we hid in some unfinished buildings, and Tara fell off the top of the building and died, and Yvonne and Mark just stopped waking up after a couple of days of hiding."

Suddenly, his words came like a rush, as if he couldn't get them away from him, out of him, fast enough. They tasted like poison on his tongue.

"They found us, two soldiers, or three I guess, and they fired at random into the building, so we found some crates to hide in and under and behind, but Linn wasn't fast enough and she disappeared, and Thomas was just barely, by a hair fast enough to only get half his face blown away when we ducked. We hid away for three hours just holding our breath and not making noises, and then we had to take off our t-shirts to press them against Thomas' face so he wouldn't bleed to death. I have no idea why we didn't just let him bleed out, because it was just naïve and stupid to think that anyone would come to our rescue after all that time, but they did, they did, and…"

He doubled over with a choked sob, and both Spock and Bones were there to catch him, embrace him, rub at him and warm up his shaking, inexplicably cold body.

"I don't know why I'm crying," he whispered, voice hoarse. "I'm over this. I left it behind. It's so, so long ago."

"Bullshit," mumbled Bones right back. "You'd have to be made outta titanium to just leave behind something like this."

"Sharing worries and 'venting emotions' seem to be an effective way of dealing with such problems, Jim. There is no shame in attempting to relieve your pain."

He shook his head. "Four people died because of me. Possibly five."

Warm lips pressed to his temple. "And I grieve with thee, Jim, but--"

The warmth in his chest was back, and the black hole felt as if it had lost it's strength. Even as he untangled himself from the unbelievably emotional display, he felt comforted. He smiled, mainly to himself. "No one's ever told me that before."

"'Bout time we did, then." Bones stood, and offered a hand, which Jim took.

"Let's get to lunch," he said, patting his friends' backs decisively. "Let's count the stares I get when we get to the cafeteria."

Bones thought Spock looked vaguely amused, and saved the visual for future reference. However: "Your face is all red and puffed, by the way."

Jim started rubbing furiously at his face, which probably wouldn't help at all. "Shut up, Bones. Your face is red and puffy. What happened to 'you did a great job, Jim?'"

"I'm a doctor, not a psychologist. I've dashed out enough comfort today," he snorted. "Time to get you to act more like Jim always-arriving-late Kirk and less like a wuss."

"Hey, I don't always arrive late."

"Yeah, you really do, actually. You're gonna be late for your own funeral, someday."

"You're like the worst friend ever. Spock, tell Bones that he's the worst friend ever."

"As I have not yet befriended every person 'ever,' as you say, I cannot ascertain that he is the worst friend ever."

"Spock, you're the worst boyfriend ever."

Spock merely raised an eyebrow at the accusation, tuning out the inevitable jab at Jim's 'taste in men' that Bones was very likely to make. Instead, it seemed impossible to tear his eyes away from the wide grin that spoke warmly of the human trait of getting through anything anyone 'threw their way.'

[felassan]

Hi MJ! I'm wondering about the new TN/DA4 speculation - I haven't read all the stuffs but no such thing as a spoiler ;) This is part 1 of my Q~ When it comes to Solas' plan to rejoin these spheres of mundane & fade, we're primed to look at whether modern elves will make it through the changes. But what about dwarves? They're just as old (if not older) a race as ancient elves, and were around at the time. I find Flemythal's comments about their souls confusing (were they sentient then, or..?)

kenzietensei said: P2 If the dwarves’ experience of reality is unaffected by the fade being omnipresent or locked away, I’m not sure how Solas’ envisioned future looks for them. And then there’s the Qunari (race) being possibly manufactured?? Like idk what sort of effect this could have on them. And where the hell did humans come from? They sort of just appeared? Or are they supposed to be a subrace from elves who didn’t have the long-lived trait? Idk!!! Any info/thoughts you can share would be much appreciated

Hello there! Thanks for letting me know it’s okay to discuss TN spoilers w/ you. I put this under a cut because it became lengthy. This question is actually super tough and I confess I don’t know. I don’t feel that TN offered any new insight in these areas and its a bit outside my usual sphere. there are some really awesome well-thought out theories other people have come up with on this subject! below is just some scrambled thoughts

This is a very good point. I sometimes wonder if the “will the modern elves make it through the changes” question/subject isn’t something of a red herring.

In a kind of metaphysical way, the dwarves are emblematic of the mundane sphere. Not “mundane” as in normal/boring, but in terms of reinforced reality vs reality as mutable, earth and sky, underground vs land, Children of the Stone vs Birds of Fancy, magic resistance vs inherent magical quality, tradition vs change, Titan progenitors vs origins in the Fade prior to taking physical form slash being spirit-y or spirit adjacent. It’s all very thematic, especially when you consider that dwarves do not dream compared to how elves are (or rather, are supposed to be) innately tied to the Fade. and at the moment, modern Thedas is unbalanced. If all races would make it through the change, I have to wonder if “the magic will come back, all of it, everyone will be just as they were” stuff from Sandal’s infamous prophecy has implications even for dwarves. Notably to me it doesn’t say “everyone will gain/regain magic”, it’s not saying dwarves will gain magical ability, it’s saying that everyone will be returned to the state that they used to exist in, presumably pre-Veil or Originally in general. For dwarves, is that.. restoring their connection to the Titans, how they were before the dwarven race broke in two? Making them like Valta became in Descent? 

It’s interesting, in Solas’ banters with Varric you can tell he’s both fascinated with and perplexed/frustrated by the dwarves of today, why they are the way they are, why their society is the way it is. he probes and is clearly trying to discern (among other things ofc) personhood in Varric and modern dwarves in general in the absence of connection to the Fade, which is anathema to him. by the severed arm banter you can tell he is unsettled by the state of things for dwarves and Varric’s outlook. dwarves inside are “reaching for that other thing”, such that magic has no room to come in. the other thing being their natural - currently severed - connection to the Titans. probably especially so in the case of surface dwarves like Varric, who have lost the innate stone sense.

there are bits in the lore that suggest the Evanuris, or maybe the upper caste of ancient elves in general, did what essentially amounts to killing the dwarves’ god-like figures (“struck down the Titans”) and taking the dwarves’ lands (“rendered their demesne unto the People”). in that Codex entry, there’s a smell of blood in the air as green vines (the People - plant magic - the green of the Fade) envelope a sphere of fire (magma - tectonic - the Titans, the earth’s core). it doesn’t paint a favorable picture. this is in addition to mining the very bodies of the Titans for raw materials, resources - lyrium and Titan hearts. don’t know who was in Thedas first (although Felassan does mention a time when ancient elves were “everyone, no dwarves, no race but the elves”), but the elves did come to dwarven lands belowground and do this stuff. what’s key there is that the dwarves were around first in their own lands, which = beneath the earth. the elves conceived of dwarves, at least at some point in time, as lesser beings, that’s apparent in some of the language ancient elven codexes use to describe them. it’s also implied Mythal did something.. bad? net bad? the kind of thing that is good or bad depending on whose lens you’re looking through though, as in from which side.

I suspect the dwarves at the time were sentient - look at Valta. Her connection was restored and she became More than her self, but she didn’t seem stupid or enslaved. reconnected, she’s metaphorically taller than she was. I think the ancient elven perception of them as not sentient arose from 2 things. One, the dwarven state of being is the complete opposite of what theirs was (see above), i.e. completely alien/foreign to them. That doesn’t breed great understanding of the Other out of the gate, just naturally. Two.. it’s almost like ancient elf propaganda? The sort of thing that arises during a war. They called the connected dwarves “witless”, “soulless”, to the extent that they thought killing them was a mercy (doesn’t that sound familiar..?). it’s a failure to understand that a different form of existence isn’t automatically lesser, compounded by attitudes arising from the war/resource-taking that they did. back to what Mythal did: to the People, she “freed” the dwarves, gave them “dreams”. from the other perspective, the dwarves became sundered from their natural state of being and lost their intrinsic connection to their progenitors. were they truly witless, or just different, and it’s just that it’s easier to justify hunting something and taking things from it if you conceive of it as an animal? I will say I suspect this stuff and attitude towards dwarves was likely held mostly by the Evanuris and other upper-class ranking members of ancient elvhen society, like the most powerful Dreamers. it was probably enforced top down (the Evanuris being slave-keeper god-kings and all) and I’m not suggesting the average ancient elf felt or thought that way (on that front we simply don’t know, and the lower classes in ancient elf society had it terrible themselves). it is also the case that there were points in time when elves and dwarves had a better or even good relationship e.g. a trading relationship, and there are instances where groups of elves and dwarves cohabited. I also don’t like it in general and wish BW would lean away from it. the implications are unpleasant enough as they are already.

hope that gives some food for thought on dwarves and the change, dwarven sentience and what the possible future might entail for them. meanwhile here’s a recent post wondering about the origins of the Qunari. the one thing that does come to mind re: Qunari is that they do probably actually dream, despite their assertions/belief to the contrary (relevant because Fade, reality and all that). I guess you could plot the races on a line from most Fadey/sky-like (very scientific I know) to least: spirits - elves - humans - Qunari - dwarves. note this isn’t a “who is most alive”, thing, it’s just a spectrum between 2 different but equally Alive ways of being. any effect the change would entail for Qunari btw imo will be influenced by the dragon blood they carry (thinking of Yavana’s words when she mentions a time before the Veil when dragons ruled the skies).

on humans, I tend to accept the in-universe explanations that they weren’t always there and simply arose out of the Par Vollen jungles and then came to mainland Thedas - implying that they evolved, basically. iirc in-universe human scholar belief on this is corroborated with what elven lore states on this. this would probably have been post-Veil. I don’t think they’re a subrace of elves who aren’t long-lived, but I have no basis for this belief lol.

sorry for this scrappy answer. :’) this subject in general feels like sth we will learn more on in DA4.

[snark-sass]

No I'm not dating him, I want to marry you -FIC

Read on aO3 here!

Fluffy fic in which Spock wants to ask Kirk to be his bondmate (even though they’re not dating), goes to McCoy for help, and Jim somehow think’s Spock and mcCoy are dating.

Spirk fic with a happy ending! 6k (I imagined TOS when writing but would fit into either)

Spock stood outside of Captain Kirk’s door.

Spock would say, that were he human, the disequilibrium he was experiencing would be called ‘nerves’. It was fortunate that he was in fact Vulcan, and he understood the reaction his body was autonomously having was the ever logical one of ‘fight or flight’. It was after all, advantageous for one’s body to prepare itself in times of stress, or in this case anticipated stress, in order to best ensure survival.

However, what was less logical was the fact that this response had been triggered by Spock simply standing in front of the Captain’s door, preparing for a conversation. Not a fight, not anything else that this response would aid in, but a conversation.

They were 3.72 years into their 5 year mission when Spock had decided that he would, after much consideration, speak to Jim about becoming bondmates. It was, after all, logical.

Had they been courting? Well, not explicitly in the sense the one of them had asked the other if they would like to advance their relationship to that of a romantic one. But, they had been spending copious amounts of time together, eating meals together, partaking in leisure activities together, and even spending shore leave in each other’s company. Yes, Jim had even convinced Spock to actually use some of his leave. They did all of this not because they were obligated as a command team, but for the pleasure of being with one another. Spock doubted that any verbal declarations would have changed the amount of time spent together.

They had gained intimate knowledge of each other’s lives, goals, preferences, and everything else one would when courting.

More importantly though, they had extraordinarily compatible minds.

Spock had known this since he had melded with Jim in Janice Lester’s body. It was the deepest meld Jim and him had ever participated in. Had the situation not been dire, Spock would have extended it just to keep feeling the rightness and belonging that the meld had woven into its very core.

Was it unfortunate that such a beautiful meeting of minds happened under such circumstances? Yes. Did it change the face that Spock wanted to be one with that mid forever? Not at all.

He held this knowledge in his mind even as his hands began to perspire. It truly was fascinating, if not inconvenient at times, what the body could be capable of even under the misconception of threat.

Spock reminded himself that the chance of threat behind that door, barring any unusual circumstances, was practically non-existent. Well, physical danger at least. There was always the risk to the social, personal and professional aspects of his life. Losing one of his closest friends, having charges filed against him for harassment, those types of things.

No big deal.

Spock was aware that humans completely different standards when it came to relationships, and devoting themselves to one another. What exactly they were however? Unknown. His research on the matter had been conflicting and inconclusive at best. Given his lack of first-hand experience on top of this, he was left with the novel feeling of feeling underprepared.

This unknown factor is what Spock concluded to the cause of his state. Unfortunately, there were not specific research papers on Jim. If so, they would have been far more useful than the perplexing papers he had read, he reflected.

Then it occurred to him; he could seek advice specifically about Jim. Not from research databases, but from interviewing someone who would know.

Spock was hesitant to make his goals known, however. He did not wish it to become common knowledge lest he be subjected to increased amounts of interpersonal conversations, or he dreaded to think, widespread pity if it did not work out.

No, he would keep it to as few people as possible to minimise this risk

.

Given the parameters, the choice was obvious. He would consult Dr. McCoy on the matter and determine the best method to ask the Captain the be his bondmate. By his currently calculations, they could be bondmates in no more than 14 days due to their high compatibility, even factoring in extra time for Jim’s human needs.

Yes, he thought, noticing his body’s response already calming as he turned away from Jim’s door and towards sickbay, this is the optimal course of action.

Perhaps they may even be able to bond sooner based on the Doctor’s advice.

 *---*---*

Dr McCoy looked up from the paperwork he was working on in an otherwise deserted med bay as Spock walked in.

“Spock,” he smiled up at him “What brings you to my medbay at this time of night? Last I heard, even Vulcans need to sleep sometimes.” He looked Spock up and down and frowned “In fact, I’d bet good credits you’ve never voluntarily come down here at this time of night. You’re not dying again are you?” he asked narrowing his eyes slightly.

 Spock hesitated for a moment, the same feelings from earlier returning in a weaker form.

 “I have come to seek advice on a personal matter, Doctor.” Spock replied.

 Now, instead of reassuring the Doctor as it should have, Dr McCoy looked alarmed “You are dying, aren’t you!?” He stood up and started trying to usher Spock to a bed “Is it a Vulcan disease? It can’t Ponn Farr again, you’re not due for another six years! Unless it’s your dammed hybrid biology – one half Vulcan in the galaxy and I get them on my ship!” He said rather rapidly, giving up trying to move Spock and pulling out a scanner, running it up and down Spock’s body then and there.

 “Doctor,” Spock interrupted “I am not dying any more than I was at our last check up, where I remind you I was subjected to a high number of unnecessary tests. All of which came back within acceptable levels.” He paused and recentred himself “And I most certainly am not experiencing my time. If I were I assure you, I would be consulting a Vulcan healer about the matter, not relying on your potions.”

 McCoy went and sat back in his chair. “Well don’t you know how to make someone feel warm and fuzzy.” He drawled. “Alright, if you’re not here for a medical reason, what are you here for?”

 Spock contemplated the best wording of his request.

 “I find I am lacking the appropriate courting experience in order to secure a human bondmate.”

 McCoy’s expression didn’t change. In fact he didn’t seem to be moving at all.

 “As a human who has had some past successes when courting, and are familiar with the process involved you are a clear source from which to seek advice.” He paused before adding “I also find myself with… few individuals I am familiar enough with to seek advice about the matter.” Spock finished.

 McCoy blew air out of his mouth. “Well I’ll be, are you saying Mr. Spock that you’ve come to me for advice about emotions? <em>Romantic </em> emotions?” he finished gleefully.

 “I believe that is what I just stated” said Spock, doubting his decision more by the second.

 “So who’s the lucky lady?” McCoy asked, looking far too excited by the turn in conversation for Spock’s liking.

 “I do not believe I stated the person of interest was a woman, Doctor.” Spock replied evenly. “The person in question in fact identifies as male.”

 McCoy looked thoughtful at this “A man huh? Must say, when it comes to men I don’t have a lick of experience Spock. You could try asking Jim thought. I know he has a reputation for a ladies man, but he’s fallen for his share of gentlemen.”

 Spock willed his face to stay neutral.

 “I cannot ask the Captain, as it is him I am here to discuss.”

 “Jim? You want to seduce Jim!?” Now McCoy was shocked. It must be exhausting having so many emotions so quickly considered Spock.

 “My God man, could you have picked a more impossible target?” Asked McCoy. “you know he’d never risk his command by getting involved with someone on the ship.”

 “I am aware of Captain Kirk’s strict adherence the Starfleet regulations in relation to section 3.4. However, relationships are allowed between officers within one rank of each other, meaning that our relationship would not be in any violations.” He stated as though he was insulted McCoy hadn’t thought he’d already considered this, “Originally my plan was to approach Captain Kirk after the conclusion of the mission. However, the mission on Centaris II has made me revaluate this plan. As you humans put it ‘tomorrow is not guaranteed’.”

 McCoy deflated at little at this. Centaris II had been a disaster of a mission, ending with Jim getting shot in the chest with bark by sentient trees. The bark pieces had splintered in his chest, requiring hours of extensive surgery. The Captain had come to dying a few times the following days, and even McCoy wasn’t sure if he’d pull through.

 “I suppose that’s even truer on this death trap of a tin can.” McCoy said “Fine, I’ll help you on your fool’s quest. God knows anyone who has a chance at happiness should take it. And Jim, well if anything these last few years have shown it’s that his heart is yearning something awful. You sure you’re up to filling it?”

 This conversation was going quite differently than Spock had anticipated, but McCoy was Jim’s friend he reminded himself. It would be more unusual if he wasn’t concerned for his wellbeing. He had also agreed to help Spock reminded himself. Going through one, albeit greatly uncomfortable, conversation with McCoy was surely a small price to pay for the benefit he would gain.

 “Doctor, I believe that Jim and I would complete each other wholly, incomparably, and for a lifetime. I would not be pursuing him, potentially jeopardising a relationship I value, and a career I have spent years building, otherwise.” He pointed out.

 “Why, that was almost romantic.” teased McCoy, “So tell me, what have you got so far?”

 “‘Got’?“ asked Spock.

 “What have you thought of so far for wooing our Captain?” Asked McCoy.

 “My current plan is simple: I will approach the Captain while he is unaccompanied in his Cabin, advise him that our minds are highly compatible, and suggest we bond at his earliest convenience. I will then of course tell him that I am amendable to a human ceremony of his choosing should he wish to have one.” Spock felt that his agreement to a human celebration particularly demonstrated his dedication and forethought that had gone into his plan, and acknowledgment of Jim’s potential needs as a human.

 Yes, he would be an excellent spouse to Jim, he was sure.

 McCoy responded to his plan by placing his face in his hands.

 “I hope you’ve got nothing on anytime soon, we’ve got a lot of work to. Now where did I put that Surian Brandy…”

   *---*---*

 Spock left well into the Enterprise’s ‘night’, much later than he anticipated. True to McCoy’s word, they indeed had covered a lot. Not only about Jim, but about human courtship norms in general.

 Spock was grateful that he had chosen to speak to McCoy, given that according to McCoy his original plan would have ‘given Jim a heart attack’ with shock.

The new plan that Spock and McCoy had agreed on was that Spock would subtly show his interest in a relationship with Jim, ensure this interest was reciprocated, then ask him on a ‘date’.

 Then the doctor had given Spock most unpleasant advice: he suggested that they date for a year before proposing bonding. At least a whole standard year.

 He hadn’t changed his opinion even though Spock had explained that Vulcans were able to know within days if someone would make a satisfactory bondmate, and that it was not uncommon for less than a week’s notice before a ceremony.

 McCoy had laughed so hard about ‘calling humans emotional when Vulcans get married in less than a week!’ that Spock briefly worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting.

 McCoy had pointed out that Jim was not Vulcan, so it was not logical to use Vulcan standards.

 Still, Spock privately thought that he could at least consider asking Jim in half of that time, but decided the Doctor did not need to know that small fact. He did not wish to be subjected to another lecture; Dr McCoy had a surprisingly unyielding view on the matter.

 Spock turned the last corner into the hallway containing his quarters, only to see the object of his desire exiting his room donned in nothing but his red workout pants and a white t-shirt. Spock briefly wondered who had approved those pants as appropriate to be regulation. Clearly they had not anticipated how Captain J. T. Kirk would obscenely fill them when they had, nor the effect on his first officer.

 “Spock!” said the Captain, clearly not expecting to see him “Fancy seeing you here at this hour. Aren’t having any trouble sleeping are you?” he smiled empathetically.

 “Negative Sir, as Vulcans require less sleep that humans I will have sufficient time to rest before Alpha shift tomorrow.” Spock stated.

 Remembering what McCoy had explained about using compliments to express one’s interest, Spock followed with “Your dedication to your on-going fitness is commendable, Captain.”

 Jim laughed as though Spock had told a joke.

 “Thank you Mr. Spock, but I’m afraid my dedication does not usually extend to working out at one o’clock in the morning.”

 “I assume that is why you are going at 1:18am instead.” Spock stated, tilting his head slightly so Jim would know he wasn’t serious.

 This resulted in another small laugh from Jim.

 “I’m glad you understand.” Jim was looking at him with a small smile, his eyes crinkling as he looked up at him.

 Spock noted with some pride that Jim smiled when talking to Spock at a 23% higher frequency on average than he did when speaking with other officers. Another reason their bonding would be logical.

 “Say, since we’re both up how about a few rounds on the mats? Maybe this time I’ll manage to get at least one pin.” Jim teased.

 “The odds are not absolute 0.” teased Spock back, “Regretfully, I have just finished a rather long meeting with Dr. McCoy and require both mediation and sleep before my next shift in order to preform at peak efficiency.”

 Jim’s smile had now been replaced with a frown. “A meeting at this hour? Is everything ok Spock?”

 Spock was quick to reassure him “I am of optimal health Captain, the encounter was personal between myself and Dr McCoy.”

 Jim did not seem reassured by this. In fact, his face now had a peculiar expression that Spock did not know how to characterise.

 “You… and Bones?” he asked slowly, as though trying to solve an equation with only half the data. “I uh, didn’t realise the two of you had gotten that close.”

 Spock thought about the time spent speaking with McCoy. It was the longest they had ever spent in each other’s company without any third parties. The Doctor had been uncharacteristically patient towards Spock, and even shared some of his own history that Spock was certain one would not share with anyone but a particularly close friend.

 “Tonight was a notable change in our relationship, yes.” Spock said after a few seconds of thought.

 “Right.” Said Jim in an odd tone “Good. You and the good Doctor, that’s good.” He blinked at Spock “I’m surprised but happy. Happy for you both!” he said the last bit considerably too loudly given their respective distance and the relative silence of the hall.

 Spock was growing more concerned for the Captain by the second.

 “Are you alright, Jim? I believe Doctor McCoy is still awake if you require him.”

 Jim took a second before he seemed to shake himself out of his strange behaviour.

 He gave Spock a smile that this time Spock did know how to characterise; it was one that Jim gave to diplomats he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. It was the first time Spock had been on the receiving end, and he was finding it disconcerting.

 “Great idea, I think I will go check in with Bones.” He stepped to the side to pass Spock “I’ll see you on the bridge tomorrow. Sleep well, Commander.”

 “Goodnight, Captain.” Spock replied as Jim walked away.

 Spock continued his journey to his quarters, the conversation adding more to his list to mediate on. He hoped after speaking with McCoy, Jim would get adequate rest before alpha shift. It would not do for him to act like this on shift.

 *---*---*

 Hours later, Spock could only conclude that Jim had not in fact gotten sufficient rest the night before.

 It was the most likely explanation he could think of to explain the captain’s peculiar behaviour during Alpha shift.

 Jim had varied between staring at Spock for a 21.67% longer duration than normal, yet resolutely not looking at towards Spock at a 35.43% lower frequency than on average. Why Jim was looking at Spock longer but less often, he could not surmise. Further, when Dr McCoy had come to the bridge he had been downright antsy when talking to him. Overall, Jim’s behaviour had been well outside of normal levels of deviation.

 After the shift had ended, rather than waiting for Spock and going to lunch together, he had insisted on Spock going ahead while he ‘discussed these readings with Chekov’ even though Ensign Chekov had told him about the readings only 42 minutes earlier. The notably insignificant readings.

 So here Spock was, trying to find an empty table to eat lunch alone for the first time in over a year.

 Speaking of unusual, McCoy seemed to have arrived earlier to lunch than Spock for once, and was already sitting at an empty table. He waved Spock over, and Spock slid onto the bench across from him.

 “Just the Vulcan I wanted to see!” McCoy said in lieu of a proper greeting “You’re going to happy when I tell you what your great pal Leonard did last night!” The Doctor himself did not necessarily look happy, but perhaps he was scowling less than normal when Spock looked closer. That was about equivalent to a smile for him Spock supposed.

 “As I have reminded you repeatedly, ‘happiness’ is a human emotion, and I am Vulcan. Perhaps you should consider getting your memory tested, lest it affects your work.” Spock raised an eyebrow a little.

 “My memories not the problem there. Anyway,” he said, waving his sandwich alarmingly close to his hair “What I was going to tell you was that after our little chat last night, Jim came and saw me. I was the best wingman you’d ever seen.” He triumphantly took a bite of his wayward sandwich at that declaration.

 “‘Wingman’?” enquired Spock.

 McCoy shot him a suffering look “I talked you up to Jim.”

 This Spock understood, although he tried not to look too interested in what McCoy was saying, feeling a lightness rising in his chest.

 “Indeed?” he asked, “Do you consider you were successful?” he leaned forward slightly in order to hear better, as the mess was slightly too loud for optimal hearing.

 Obviously that was the reason, it was not because he was eager to hear more. Not at all.

 McCoy chose to believe he was eager nevertheless, judging by him looking smugger by the moment.

 “Was I successful? By the end Jim was saying that any man would be lucky to have you. Even started bringing his own compliments to the table.” McCoy leaned back in his chair having reached peak smugness levels.

 Spock’s heart rate had increased fractionally. Gaining McCoy as an ally was having better results than he had anticipated, Jim would be his bondmate before the year was up, he was sure of it.

 “I reckon you’re in.” McCoy went on “Now do me a favour and ask him to dinner so I can get my damn nose out of your love life."

 “Based on last evening I was under the impression you were enjoying ‘having your nose’ in my love life?” Spock teased smoothly.

 “I’m uh, not interrupting, am I?” asked Jim in a joking voice having finally arrived for lunch. He had yet to sit down at the mostly empty table.

 McCoy looked between them “I was just leaving, Jim” McCoy picked up his empty tray “He’s all yours.” McCoy clapped Jim on the shoulder as he left, ignoring Jim’s lips thinning minutely at his parting remark.

 Spock noticed McCoy shooting him what humans would refer to as a ‘significant look’ as Jim was sliding into the now vacant seat. When Spock didn’t acknowledge him, he clearly mouthed ‘ask him!’ and obviously pointed at Jim.

 Humans were unobservant, Spock reminded himself, it was highly unlikely that anyone had noticed. Even if he was now getting a few curious looks thrown his way. Why had he thought seeking out Dr. McCoy would be valuable, again? Clearly his fight or flight reaction had impacted his thoughts at the time.

 “So, are you and the good Doctor…?” Jim said after poking his food a few times, without actually eating it.

 When it became clear that Jim was not going to finish his sentence Spock asked “What about the Doctor and I, Captain?”

 “It’s just still surprising is all. You, him, together.” Jim was staring hard at his untouched food seemingly finding it very interesting.

 Jim’s words were not making sense. While McCoy and Spock might not spend as much time together as Spock and Jim did, it was surely wasn’t that unorthodox that it warranted commentary. They were after all friends. Surely it was not usual for friends to eat meals together? Even if McCoy did only usually joined them around the end of meal time, and almost never the start.

 “I fail to see what is surprising.” Spock said.

Jim actually blushed “I suppose you wouldn’t. If anyone heard the way he was speaking about you last night, I doubt they would be surprised either. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Bones speak so highly of anyone.” He finally looked up at Spock, through his eyes only visible through his eyelashes “Not that it was undeserved, of course”.

 How could Spock had been worried that Jim would reject him outright last night? Even if he wasn’t interested in Spock romantically there was no reason to assume he would scorn Spock, or humiliate him by spreading the news throughout the ship. At the very least, Jim was a kind man.

 “I’m glad you think so, Jim.” Spock softened his look in return “Perhaps if you are amendable we could have dinner followed by a game of chess? It has been 4 days since our last match. Unless of course your last three losses has gotten you to admit defeat?”

 Jim was fully looking up now, looking at Spock with eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. He huffed out a small amount of air in what Spock recognised as a sign of amusement. “Not a chance Mister, how about I come around at 18:00 when I’m finished in engineering?”

 “That would be acceptable.” Replied Spock, not breaking eye contact.

 They continued to hold each other’s gaze for a few more seconds, until the moment was broken by a loud laugh from a nearby table.

 Jim blinked to himself before frowning down at the table.

 “I just remembered I’ve got some reports that need finishing before I’m due in engineering. I’ll see you tonight, Spock.” At that Jim took his tray and made a hasty exit.

 “Until tonight.” Said Spock quietly, watching Jim go.

 *---*---*

 At 17:55 Spock was observing his quarters quite proudly.

 McCoy had told Spock that, candles, low lights and soft music were often used to ‘set the mood’ for Terran dates. Given Starfleet’s ban on open flames on space vessels, displaying candles was not possible. Instead, Spock had opted to use some of his more potent smelling incense, in order to create a pleasant scent throughout the cabin. The lights had been set to a low 15%, giving the cabin an intimate feel. The low light allowed for the starlight to shine through the port window, casting large ever-changing shadows from all the furniture onto the green carpet. Jim often commented on his affection for the stars, he was sure to appreciate that. Lastly, to finish the scene, Spock had put on some music. The only music he had available was Vulcan Lyre music, which played half a piece, with which he would practice duets with. Despite being slightly disjointed alone, Spock felt the overall effect to the ‘mood’ was given.

 Yes, he had indeed created a prime setting for courting Jim. His human courting skills were progressing quite nicely in such a short time.

 At 17:57 the door chimed, signalling someone requesting entry. There was only one person it was likely to be. Spock took a deep breath, readying himself for the evening to come.

 “Open.”

 Sure enough, there was Jim. He looked like he did for all their chess matches; dressed still in his command uniform, yet with his posture more relaxed then when in public. Still, looking at him Spock felt that something was… off. He looked relaxed, but although he was determined to be rather than naturally being so.

 He also had brought a bottle of wine, which was markedly different from any previous matches. Usually, Jim only drank alcohol in the presence of Dr. McCoy or Lieutenant Scott. Seldom did he drink alcohol in Spock’s presence, and certainly he had never brought any when they were due to socialise alone.

Spock took this as a positive sign.

 “I apologise for being slightly early Spock, I can come back after you’ve finished meditating if you’d like.” He offered, taking in the room. He stepped forward enough to allow the door to close “I must admit, I’ve never noticed just how strong Vulcan’s liked their incense until now.”

 “Is it... displeasing?” Spock was now feeling less confident than before.

 “A touch too strong for my human nose I’m afraid.” Jim said chuckling.

 “Ah,” said Spock heading to extinguish them “I will keep that in mind for future, Captain.”

 Jim chuckled “ ‘Captain?’ it’s been a while since you’ve called me that in private.” Spock couldn’t see Jim, but he could practically visualise the soft smile that would follow such a statement.

 “It reminds me of the early days, before we really got to know one another. Seems like so long ago now.” Spock heard him pacing around the room.

 “Say, would you mind if I turned up the lights a bit? I doubt I’ll be able to see the board properly in this light. Unless, of course that is your plan to ensure a victory.” He finished lightly.

 “Of course, Jim. I am not the one who needs an advantage, after all.”

 “Oh, you’ll be regretting those words by the end of our first game!” Jim said playfully, heading towards the table while ordering the lights to 75%.

 As the lighting slowly increased, Spock observed that the ‘mood’ no longer seemed significantly different from any other night. At least the music seemed to be acceptable.

 For now.

 “Wine?” queried Jim.

 Spock heard the clinking of glasses form the small kitchenette his quarters were equipped with, indicating Jim was already pulling out more than one glass.

“Perhaps one glass.” responded Spock, more for Jim’s sake than any actual desire on his part.

 Incense all finally extinguished, Spock stood and headed to the edge of the kitchen area while Jim poured a generous portion of wine. A really generous portion.

 “I thought that we could celebrate,” said Jim passing Spock a less generously filled glass, “I will admit, I was quite stunned at first by the news,” he smiled in a way that did not quite reach his eyes “But you and Bones are my closest friends. If being in a relationship is what makes you happy then I couldn’t be happier for you both.” He raised his glass. “To a long and happy relationship!”

 Spock’s glass did not move an inch from where he had grasped it initially.

 In fact, Spock’s whole body was doing a rather impressive imitation of a statue. This was in direct contrast to his internal thoughts, which were going a mile a minute trying to work out what exactly was happening.

 When Spock had imagined possible scenarios of tonight, this had not even been close to one of them.

 “Spock?” asked Jim. He seemed very concerned. Very concerned for McCoy’s boyfriend.

 “You believe that myself and Dr. McCoy are engaged in a romantic relationship?” Spock asked at a 18.4% slower speed than normal.

 Jim still looked sheepish “I know neither of you have officially announced anything yet, and that it’s still very new,” said Jim “But I just…” he looked at his wine as though it held the answers to what he was trying to say “You’re important to me Spock. You both are.” He added the last part quickly “and even though…” he stopped again “If Bones is who you want, then I will do everything I can to be a good friend and support you.” He had a determine look on his face, one Spock had seen many times before particularly unpleasant activities in missions.

 And it was now being used in reference to Spock’s love life.

 How could this have all gotten misinterpreted so badly? Of course Jim wasn’t interested in Spock, if not he wouldn’t be so clearly supporting him in his fictional romance with McCoy. Clearly he viewed Spock with nothing but friendship. Deep friendship, yes, but clearly also platonic friendship.

 It was Terran courting Spock was sure. Its unclear, ambiguous, and unreasonably time-consuming ways had led to this moment. No, the Terran approach were not the solution.

 “Dr McCoy and I are not in a romantic or physically intimate relationship.” Informed Spock, shifting into what would be parade rest if not for the wine he was still holding.

 Jim blinked “You’re not?”

 “No,” Spock continued “I approached him to get his advice on Terran courting practices. Given his familiarity with them and human emotions, I concluded that he may be of assistance. It appears I was incorrect.” The feelings that had started this whole mess were starting to reappear.

Only this time, Spock chose fight.

 “Jim,” he placed his glass down facing Jim fully, noting Jim follow suit, “Over the past 3.76 years our personal and professional relationship has grown profoundly. This growth has been due to our mutual respect for one another, our mutual interests and goals, and highly compatible personalities.”

 “Oh my God.” Said Jim looking at Spock with wonder.

 “This, as well as our remarkably high mental compatibility, leads to me to conclude that we would be ideal mates for each other.”

 “Oh my God.” Said Jim slightly louder this time, eyes still not leaving Spock.

 “I understand as a human, physical compatibility is also of great importance, and I assure you there I have considered this and in addition to your other attributes I find you to be extremely aesthetically pleasing. I would quite enjoy engaging in intimate, physical activities with you.”

 “<em>Spock</em>.” Jim choked out, looking at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks.

 “I wish to bond with you at your earliest convenience, however I also recognised that humans need more time than Vulcans before committing to another permanently. In light of this, I ask you to consider ‘dating’ me so I may have the chance to convince you of our compatibility, and of my esteem for you.” Spock finished.

 There. It was done. He had laid out his points, logically yet while still acknowledging Jim’s different needs as a human. He was very glad no one else was here to hear his blatant emotionalism at the end of his speech.

 “What is your reply, Jim?” asked Spock after 43.3 seconds. Surely this was more than enough time to concede to the logic of his statements?

 “I think I need to sit down” was Jim’s reply, going to the small couch close by and sinking down. After a few seconds, he moved to place his right leg over his left, and his arm so his chin was supported by one hand. A tell-tale pose for when the captain was thinking deeply on the bridge.

 Perhaps not enough time then.

 Spock carefully sat down on the other end of the couch and waited.

Jim opened his mouth several times in the succeeding minutes as though he was going to speak, before changing his mind. On the sixth time of such occurrence he finally settled on asking “You want to marry me?”

 “Yes.” Said Spock

 “You think it would be logical to marry me?” asked Jim again.

 “Yes.” Said Spock again, wondering how many times he was going to have to confirm information he had said less than 5 minutes ago.

 “That’s great… great.” Said Jim slowly, moving both hands to his chin.

 Despite his words, it did not sound ‘great’ felt Spock.

 Jim turned so his whole body was facing towards Spock, uncrossing his legs and leaning forwards.

 “Spock, you’re proposing marriage between us, yet you seem to be missing one very important factor: love.”

 He leaned even closer. Spock could see the smaller flecks of green and gold in his eyes, and the starlight reflecting from the window. He could smell the wine on his breath, and also a small hint of something pleasant that must come from Jim himself.

Spock swallowed.

 “Your points are logical as always Spock, but do you love me?” asked Jim softly.

 Jim’s face was very close, his stare was intense. Spock tilted his head as he considered the question.

 Had anyone else been asking, his response would be to reply that it was well known Vulcans do not love. But Spock would not lie to Jim, not about something so obviously important to him.

Did he love Jim? There was no one else he was closer to on the Enterprise, or off it for that matter. He had changed his schedule to allow for more time in each other’s presence, he enjoyed their time together and even looked forward to it. Even if they were simply completing their own work in the same space, it still filled Spock with a sense of contentedness. Jim made an effort to take Spock’s Vulcan heritage into account, yet Spock never felt he was being judged as too human, nor too Vulcan around Jim. He was accepted, just as he was. He felt relaxed around Jim, a feeling of satisfaction even. When a mission, or an experiment went wrong he realised he sought out Jim’s company.

He thought about waking up next to Jim, seeing his eyes soften as he smiled at Spock. The image alone filled Spock with warmth. Perhaps Jim would hold up two fingers, which Spock would respond with his own; their fingers would kiss, and their minds would sing to each other with unity, with fondness, with lo-

 Oh.

 “Yes.” Said Spock now realising how true it was “Yes, I do, Jim.”

 Spock braced himself. The ball was in Jim’s court, as his mother would say.

 Jim leaned back a short distance. “Did you know Spock, the except for your biological time, I didn’t even think that you could feel for someone like that?” he asked.

Spock summised this was rhetorical when he continued speaking before he could reply.

 “Then I spoke to Bones,” said Jim, “and he told me about how thoughtful you were, how generous you were, how romantic you were. And it hit me: dating you, being with you, being allowed to love you every day, that would be the most amazing thing anyone could ask for. I felt like kicking myself because I thought I had missed my chance!”

 Jim picked up Spock’s hand and held it between his own.

 “Going from that to you telling me that you want to marry me is quite the leap.”

Spock was glad he had the contact, in contrast to Jim’s words he could pick up feelings of happiness, and hope, emotions that were mirroring his.

 Jim moved closer, so that their noses were practically touching.

 Spock heard him chuckle lowly, “When have you ever known me not to risk leaping, Mr. Spock?”

 “Never.” Whispered Spock, breathing a puff of air against Jim’s lips.

 Jim slipped his eyes close, closing the space between them.

 Spock had not experienced many human-style kisses, but this was by the best by far. There was no disregard for Spock’s wants, or madness behind it. Jim kissed him as though he had all the time in the world. As though Spock was beloved, and Jim was using his lips to softly explain to him just how much. Spock knew he was inexperienced in this kind of affection, but he hoped Jim understood that he was trying to show him how cherished Jim was in return.

 The message must have gotten through somehow, because when they parted Jim placed his forehead against Spock’s, keeping his eyes closed. His smile was small, intimate. It was beautiful.

 Eventually Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock, the smile never leaving his face.

 “You know, I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but it takes at least 3 dates before I agree to marry someone.” He said, eyes twinkling.

 “Indeed?” replied Spock, allowing his mouth to soften into a small smile in return, “By Dr. McCoy’s description of a ‘date’ we have been on approximately 237 by my count.”

 Jim brought Spock’s hand up to his mouth kissing his knuckles “Is that right?” he said as Spock’s breath hitched “Well, it seems we’re behind on a few 3rd date milestones then.”

 Oh yes, Jim was indeed a logical bondmate. Spock’s logical bondmate.

[catholicliving]

I'm sorry for all the hate you've been getting on your Jewish/Catholic post! The shared roots between the two are beautiful and fascinating. Jesus and the Apostles were Jewish. The Catholic faith loses something when the deep roots in the Jewish faith are lost. I'm not sure why a post about respecting each other and finding commonality is getting so much backlash but I absolutely love the interactions/common roots between us and your original post is amazing (and relatable)

Thanks, anon.

The whole idea behind this blog was to take little aspects of Catholicism and describe them using gifs. I’ve tackled everything from the Communion of Saints, scapulars, and vocations/religious life to modern day ecclesiastical architecture, Adoration, and my own personal experiences at church, like telling a priest “Happy Father’s Day.”

Of course, that’s all well and good when your audience is predominantly Catholic, and hopefully has a basic understanding of what the eff you’re talking about. I’ve certainly gotten into discussions on here with people of other Christian denominations who didn’t understand the post or fundamentally disagreed with the theology behind it. And, that’s fine.

Part of the backlash is my fault, because I shouldn’t have originally tagged it with Jewish tags as I did. I said in the earlier ask that I guess I didn’t realize how bad the relationship between our two religions really is, and to be fair, I was unaware of the greater extent of how much Catholics have persecuted Jewish people throughout our history. And, people were ready to point this out, which I don’t mind. I could do without the personal attacks, though. But when has any discussion on the internet -- particularly about religion or politics -- been cordial, let alone civil?

I’m not going to sit here and act like I haven’t done similar things before. When a non-Catholic person made certain remarks on my pro-St. Joseph post several months back, my immediate response was anger; and that came across in my initial response to that person.

I imagine something similar happened here. I tagged something in the Jewish community’s tag that didn’t give a lot of context or explanation about what I was trying to express; and the entire subject matter was already a loaded one, so I can see why and how it happened. I mean, if a non-Catholic posted something that was like “Protestants + Catholics 4Eva!” in the Catholic tags, it would probably be a little eyebrow-raising for us, to say the least

I’ve tried to shy away from responding to most of the reblogs of the original post, because there’s already enough anger in the world and I don’t want either of us to continue down that path. But, I’m more than happy to answer any asks I get about it.

Of course, it’s easy for us Catholics (or Christians in general) to offer the olive branch to Jewish people, when historically our forefathers were the ones persecuting theirs.

But, then again, almost every religion has a history of persecution, both as victims and as instigators. Various Christian denominations have persecuted each other, with Catholics persecuting Protestants, and vice versa; Muslims are persecuting our Catholic/Christian brothers and sisters right now, but Catholics have also persecuted them. And so on and so on.

I don’t say that as an excuse, obviously, but the entirety of human history can be written as “and then this group persecuted this group” ad infinitum. It needs to stop. And the only way to even get the ball rolling on that is to talk to each other. It’s a lot harder to persecute ‘the other’ when you don’t see them as ‘the other,’ but as a brother or sister, as a fellow human being.

Unfortunately, there is still plenty of anti-Semitism in this world, especially in the United States, and perhaps my original post was a little tone-deaf of that. Again, it’s easy to say “It’s all good; we’re cool now,” when you’re not the ones who have been persecuted.

Anyway, I won’t say too much more at the risk of continuing to repeat myself, but I will share something from a newspaper story I wrote about an interfaith service where the Jewish congregation was celebrating the last night of Hanukkah and everyone (including Christians) was marking New Year’s:

As [the rabbi] carried the candle around the sanctuary, everyone held their hand up to it — as if to grasp the flame. He said it is a tradition to have both the light and shadow from the candle pass over one’s hand, to remember that everyone’s hands have “the power of conveying love and compassion, but also the ability to bring havoc.” 

Let’s pray that it’s more the former than it is the latter. <3 CL

[willwritesablog]

Book Review: Red Dead Redemption by Matt Margini

Published by Boss Fight Books, 2020

Ebook Cost: $4.95, Paperback Cost: $14.95, Paperback + Ebook Bundle: $17.95

8/19/20

This necessarily won't be a comprehensive review of Matt Margini's latest book, Red Dead Redemption, but rather an overview of my experience in reading it and descriptions of some parts that especially stood out to me (and why.)

At the beginning of the book, Margini makes a humble disclaimer that apart from two brief trips, he himself has not been to the west. He corrects the notion that this would immediately disqualify him from writing this book afterword by opening into his central idea; the book is about Easterners' perceptions on the West, and is specifically about a videogame that brings these differences into the limelight, Red Dead Redemption by Rockstar Games.

I give all this exposition because I have never played Red Dead Redemption (or its sequel), I have never been west of Chicago, I've only read 4 western books and I've watched maybe one or two western movies. Beyond watching some beginning and ending cutscenes on YouTube, I went into this book fresh on the series. Besides playing through GTAV, I am still fresh to releases by Rockstar Games.

These factors should immediately disqualify me from writing a review, so I'll amend the notion by stating that my review is largely on the merits of Red Dead Redemption (the book) as a standalone piece.

As a standalone piece Red Dead Redemption functions flawlessly; it's written remarkably well. I was curious and a little skeptical going into this book on how Margini would approach this game, given Rockstar Games' notoriety in being tight-lipped on their development process. This already puts him at a disadvantage, but Margini makes up for it--profoundly--by picking apart every detail in the game and citing it to similar works in film, literature, and in other games that most definitely served as inspiration. Any developer interviews or relevant community reactions towards the game are cited and implemented into the book as well.

Red Dead Redemption by Matt Margini serves as a fascinating index over the western genre, and this is just one of the many things it accomplishes. It bears a strong amount of re-readability (as a small example, the first chapter begins with something the author was told 4 years ago. On the acknowledgements page, the first sentence states how he began scheming this book out four years ago) and contains a lengthy section of citations for extended reading (which also seems to be a feature in all publishings by Boss Fight Books.)

Matt Margini accomplishes multiple smaller things across writing this book--at its core he analyzes the western genre (and the death of the western genre), the mechanics of Red Dead Redemption, and the spirit of Red Dead Redemption (which is roughly a combination of the two.) But a number of related subjects and asides are discussed as well; personal connections to the game and Matt Margini's father are frequent, historical connections being made are not uncommon, and comparisons to other video games and their storytelling are prevalent. One of my favorite sections of the book was when Margini referenced and explained the idea of a "map game," the repeated pattern of modern video games to be open-world, expansive, and then inevitably claustrophobic as the player gathers his or her bearings. "Virtual tourism" is another term he uses here.

The most difficult portion of this book to read, I found, was the longest chapter, "Cowboy." Large sections of this chapter I found myself disagreeing with. In this chapter Margini identifies Owen Wister and his novel The Virginian as what "gave the cowboy his shape as a quintessentially American icon" and proceeds to illustrate him and his novel in a less-than-flattering light. This is discussed to serve as a reference point, as many western works released after The Virginian, Margini argues, carry similar ideological flaws.

Margini follows on this by comparing Wister's ideals to his friend Teddy Roosevelt's ideology and the value he saw in individuals adopting this western ideal. Margini states that Roosevelt's modification of the frontier thesis definitively transitioned its hero from the "humble yeoman farmer" into the chaotic "Daniel Boone, a Davy Crockett... a 'man who knows Indians' but takes their land by force," a character, to paraphrase, who lives outside of society, whose actions serve society, but who does not value society or its rewards itself.

Margini states that Roosevelt's ideals held "deeply racist implications" because his ideal man subjugated or was complicit in subjugating Indians, and also because it roots back to Nietzsche's Übermensch. If his beliefs were this way, I didn't find the book's connection towards this to be very effective. Margini uses very racial language when describing Roosevelt's beliefs, but from what is shown, it doesn't seem like this virtue in subjugation was drawn across racial lines.

Later, in "Cowboy," in closing off the same interlude and in making present-day connections, he alludes to the structure of the game of Red Dead as implicitly strengthening racial prejudices, in that your character, a white man, is able to function at a higher capacity than the other, robotic characters in the game. He concludes this in saying, "Everyone else [in the game] is just--to borrow a term weaponized by contemporary white supremacists--NPCs." Although this is meant as a brief point, Matt Margini either fundamentally misunderstands, or is being disingenuous to, the "NPC" pop culture phenomenon. The idea of the "NPC" and using it as a derogative began by a broader right-wing dissident movement--it was significant for symbolizing an opposition to consumerism, hedonism and nihilism as opposed to anything racial. It's a pretty egregious mischaracterization and show-of-the-hand on where Margini aligns his personal views--he uses a very serious subject (white supremacy) as a boogeyman in referencing a topic his audience is likely ignorant on.

In spite of that and even in other places in the book I feel prone to disagree with, Matt Margini makes his cases very well. Red Dead Redemption would make for an excellent book to read within a book club or even within a filmmaking class due to its wide scope, its excellent analyses and its thought-provoking subject material. The language used within it is stunning as well--such as in the following quote about the ideal of the cowboy, "The way he's 'seen trouble' that the East Coast man hasn't seen, crystallizing a purer kind of virtue that lies beneath a life of vice," the imagery Margini evokes here of an unmoving, bedrock virtue being forged under the pressures of vice is near-perfect. In reading Red Dead Redemption I ended up writing down close to a dozen new words that I had not heard before to look up. And Matt Margini accomplishes all of this in under 200 pages.

As I began with this review, this is in large part a discussion of my personal experience with this book. In keeping with that spirit, I'm rating this book a 4/5 here, however, I went ahead and left smaller reviews on Goodreads and on LibraryThing with full 5 star ratings just to help data analytics. It's gripping, it's seamless, and it's a better book than I could write. It's a book that deserves to be read.

Easy to Binge-Read?: I read it in three sittings (reading through the first four chapters, then reading chapters “Cowboy” and “Violence,” and then finally reading the remaining three chapters), although some might finish it in an afternoon.

Review: 4̶/̶5̶

EDIT, 10/17/20: Too little too late, but attempting to diagnose this book on a 5 point scale was petty and stupid of me. My disagreements with the book cover about half of my review, but only around 2% of its pages. From its discussion of map games to its identification of "every signifcant tourist attraction in Florida [being] the remnant of some early-20th-century megalomaniac’s quasi-utopian passion project," I've cited this book a number of times on other things ever since finishing it.

Rating: 9/10

[irisbleufic]

You've discussed over time on this blog the two Hamlet productions you saw in 2005, and both sound like they were mind-blowing on the Hamlet/Horatio front. Would you be able to list ALL the Hamlet productions you've seen over time so that I can look up reviews? I'm curious if they all influenced the way you write Hamlet fic, or if it was just those two slashy ones?

Hello, anon!  I’d be more than happy to do that, absolutely.  

Here’s the run-down of productions (minus the four or five very minor amateur or community ones I’ve seen at Ren faires and local theater festivals) I’ve seen, and I’ll try to include a brief commentary on what I found most striking (and most useful, at least from the perspective of writing What You Don’t See / At This Chance ‘Verse) in each one:

1) Boston Shakespeare On the Common, July/August 2005 (Jeffrey Donovan as Hamlet; Pedro Pascal as Horatio)

This is the first live production of Hamlet I ever saw.  It was rendered as a modern police-state setting with a ‘90s feel.  I got to see it twice before the run ended; the reason I went back a second time was, honestly, because it reflected back at me the exact thing I saw in the text when I first read it as an eleventh-grader (short version of that story: I read the ending of the play during a free-reading period of English class and ended up sobbing into my book by the time I hit “and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”; Mrs. Piper was very, very shocked, but she brought me the box of tissues from her desk, and this is why I always make sure to offer virtual tissues to readers who tell me in their comments that they’re crying).  Whether the decision to have Hamlet and Horatio constantly touching and clinging to each other in crucial moments of high emotion was down to Donovan and Pascal or to the director, I am not sure, but these actors had such stunning chemistry in the way they spun the subtext that the effect on me was about the same as reading that ending for the first time.  This was one of the few productions I’ve ever seen that had Hamlet's “tables” as a literal Moleskine notebook he carried around perpetually in his inner jacket pocket, and it tore me apart to see Horatio attempt to bodily prevent him from dueling Laertes.  In that moment, Hamlet removed his jacket and shoved his tables at Horatio even as Horatio had him by the shoulders, shoved them against his chest, over his heart, this is my story; it is yours, it is ours.  This production used “our philosophy,” and I was still an undergraduate at the time.  I didn’t know that textual variant existed, because every printed edition I had ever read had featured “your philosophy,“ and I had not yet made a study of the various surviving early versions of the plays.  Pascal’s Horatio is still the most heartbroken (and heartbreaking) I have ever seen during the death scene.  So close they could have kissed, looked like maybe the tension was meant to convey the significance of its absence; gut-wrenching tears, lips pressed to Hamlet’s forehead.  My inner eleventh-grader was relieved to know such a reading was valid enough to stage, because she was at the time still quite deep in the closet.  This production also had one of the two most canny, strong-willed Ophelias I have ever seen.  She drowned upstage in an actual pool, and there was one scene between set-switches, after someone pulled her body from the water, where she walked across the stage with slow, eerie dripping-wet majesty.  This is where my ghost!Ophelia comes from.

2) English Touring Theatre, November 2005 (Ed Stoppard as Hamlet; Sam Hazeldine as Horatio)

I was in my first term of graduate school in York, UK when the production came to town.  Still high on the Boston Common production, which I’d seen only a few months before, I snagged the first student-price ticket I could get my hands on.  It was staged in spare blackbox style with only a few tables, chairs, and other items as props, but the costuming was firmly 16th-century.  Before the production, the director spoke to us about their decision to speed up line-delivery to as close to normal day-to-day conversational speech as possible, and he also spoke of how they felt that, at its core, Hamlet is really a story of two families (Gertrude, Old Hamlet / Claudius, Hamlet; Polonius, Laertes, Ophelia), their relationships to each other over time, and a series of stunning failures of communication between them.  I was excited about this, as I have a lot to say on the subject of Hamlet, Ophelia, and Laertes growing up together in a context where they might as well have been siblings (and how Gertrude’s and the King’s expectations regarding Hamlet and Ophelia would surely have pushed him to court her even if his heart wasn’t in it, which it clearly isn’t; I maintain that most of Hamlet’s actions surrounding Ophelia are driven by the perceptions and expectations of others, and I truly hate that, because Ophelia deserved so much better).  When “our philosophy” passed Stoppard’s lips instead of “your philosophy,” it’s pretty much a wonder I didn’t choke right there in the theater.  Stoppard’s Hamlet and Hazeldine’s Horatio had a level of intimacy and easy physical contact that, if not matched, certainly came close to the one I’d seen between Donovan and Pascal in Boston.  Stoppard’s Hamlet is the closest I’ve ever seen to the Hamlet in my head, in both physical appearance and mannerisms (dark hair, very pale eyes, a kind of self-deprecating, wry cleverness that lacked the disturbing, aggressive flashes of temper I’ve seen in a number of other interpretations of the role).  Hazeldine’s appearance and mannerisms as Horatio, therefore, fell neatly in line; this is why I tend to portray Horatio as a ginger.  The death scene, too, was just about on par with what I’d seen in the Boston production.  As you can imagine, I went back to see this one a second time, too.  The period aesthetic of this one, as well as the physical appearance and mannerisms of the actors, spliced neatly with the elements of the Boston production I’d already adopted.  When I write about these characters, the SOTC and ETS productions have had the most significant influence.  I even discuss this in the header notes on AO3, because when I run Google searches on these two productions?  It turns out that WYS/ATC ‘Verse is one of the top three search results!

3) Wyndham’s Theatre, June 2009 (Jude Law as Hamlet; Matt Ryan as Horatio)

While this production had the most beautiful sets and overall production values I’ve ever seen in a single rendering, Law’s Hamlet was too aggressive (read: borderline physically abusive) for my taste, and Ryan’s Horatio was a bit flat and uninteresting (although he had long hair and was costumed more or less as a bad-ass biker dude with a dagger on his belt; he was eye candy, if nothing else).  Sadly, these two had zero chemistry.  The two highlights of the production were, without a doubt, Law’s delivery of “To be, or not to be” while trudging barefoot into the castle from a snowstorm (seriously, it was one of the most visually arresting pieces of effect and staging I have ever seen) and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s electrifying Ophelia (seriously, she’s the best Ophelia I’ve ever seen; she was as canny in her madness as the Boston Ophelia, and I appreciated that to no end).  Otherwise, this production has little bearing on the way I write about these characters and the world they inhabit.

4) National Theatre, October 2010 (Rory Kinnear as Hamlet; Giles Terera as Horatio)

This production was rather terrible, and I would like to forget most of it.  The performances by and large felt phoned-in, Hamlet and Horatio had almost zero chemistry (I was lucky I could even read them as friends, let alone dear ones), and the whole Hamlet-spraypainting-smiley-faces-all-over-everything really got on my nerves.  That is not how you use ubiquitous graffiti, my friend.  This Hamlet had some fascinating manic moments, but there was a whiff of the aforementioned (needless, IMHO) violence from which I instinctively shy.

5) National Theatre, August 2015 (Benedict Cumberbatch as Hamlet; Leo Bill as Horatio)

This production had sets and staging choices to rival the Wyndham’s production; I especially loved the convincing quality of Elsinore’s great hall being partially reduced to bleak rubble by the end.  I enjoyed Cumberbatch’s portrayal, but not as much as you would think; when all was said and done, he didn’t hold a candle to Donovan or Stoppard.  He delivered the role with a tenderness and whimsy in some moments that I feel many actors miss, but that doesn’t surprise me.  He wasn’t a violent Hamlet, and I appreciated that.  What really, really shone for me here was Horatio.  Leo Bill might be my second favorite Horatio as far as delivery; Pedro Pascal comes in first, and Sam Hazeldine comes in third.  My heart was on high alert during this production because he reached and reached and reached out to his friend, but Hamlet was too fraught to see or understand what was being offered.  It’s the first time I ever saw an edge of unrequited love between these two characters, and it led to me giving @neverwhere and incredibly gesture-filled and emotional account back at our con hotel room later that night.  Hats off to you, Mr. Bill!

[study4careerglobal]

Most common Interview Questions 

Question 1: Tell Me About Yourself

Why they ask? 

Colleges are asking you to do this because they really do want to know more about you. That's one of the primary purposes of the interview

Required Answer 

You need to put forth portrait of who you if you are to separate yourself from other applicants. Avoid clichés or descriptions that would be too common. For example, don't just say you're hardworking—explain what has driven you to become as diligent as you are and why you feel it is important.

How to prepare

Rehearse answering this question. Try talking about your passions, hobbies, and interests. You can discuss what inspires you or what your friends like about you. Be specific. Again, you want to make yourself memorable.

Question 2: Why you selected this college?

Why they're asking this: This is an important question and one you should definitely prepare for, since colleges want to see that you're taking the application process seriously and have a legitimate interest in attending the school.

What they're looking for: Talk about your interest in a major or academic program, the cultural values of the college, or extracurricular activities that drew you to the college. Again, be thorough and specific. Don't talk about prestige or rankings, and don't say you just want to go there because it's close to home; none of this shows genuine interest in this specific college!

How to prepare: To answer this question well, you'll need to conduct extensive college research before the interview. You should be able to cite specifics when answering this question. Follow the same advice as if you were writing the answer to this question for your application essay.

Question 3: Why Do You Want to Major in _____?

If you've indicated that you want to major in a certain subject, you might be asked why you're interested in that particular field.

Why they're asking this: Colleges are interested in your academic goals and want to see that you're academically inclined.

What they're looking for: Talk about why a certain subject inspires you or why you're passionate about it. Don't say that you're pursuing a certain major to make a lot of money or have job security. That doesn't demonstrate genuine academic interest; it just makes you seem shallow.

How to prepare: Think deeply about why you want to pursue a specific major. Why do you find it fascinating? What experiences provoked your interest in the subject? How will the major enable you to reach your future professional goals?

Question 4: What Are Your Academic Strengths?

Why they're asking this: In an effort to get to know you as a student, colleges are interested in getting your perspective on where you excel academically.

What they're looking for: Don't make this answer too short. Don't just say, "I'm good at science." When discussing your academic strengths, explain how you've capitalized on your strengths. If you're an excellent writer, for example, how have you used your writing skills to excel in school? How do you plan on continuing to use your strengths?

How to prepare: Make sure you know your academic strengths. You should be able to explain how you recognized your strengths, how you're currently using them, and how you plan to use them in the future.

Question 5: What Are Your Academic Weaknesses? How Have You Addressed Them?

Why they're asking this: Colleges want to admit good students, but they're aware everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Colleges want to see that you have the persistence and work ethic to succeed despite your challenges.

What they're looking for: Schools want students who can demonstrate their ability to confront and overcome challenges. Try revealing strategies or specific approaches you've taken to improve your academic weaknesses. You could also tell a specific story about how you managed to do well in a subject that was especially difficult for you.

How to prepare: Be aware of your academic weaknesses and how you've addressed them. It's not good to say that you don't have any weaknesses. That's not very believable, and you'll come off as arrogant.

Question 6: What Do You Plan to Contribute to This School?

Why they're asking this: Colleges want to admit students who will make positive contributions to campus and academic life. Essentially, they're looking for students who will make the school better.

What they're looking for: In short, specifics. Don't limit your answer to vague positive traits. Don't just say you'll contribute a good work ethic and a regard for others. Is there specific research you wish to pursue? Do you want to have a leadership position in an extracurricular activity? Are there specific community service projects you want to do? How will your presence on campus and in the classroom make a difference?

How to prepare: Know the specific contributions you want to make to the school. Identify your college goals as well as the activities you want to pursue while you're in college

Question 7: What Do You Expect to Be Doing 10 Years From Now?

Why they're asking this: Just to set the record straight, you don't need to have your entire future figured out. Colleges understand that you probably won't have everything decided and your plans are likely to change. What they do want is students with direction.

What they're looking for: Colleges want students who are motivated to achieve their goals. The bad, general answer is to only say you expect to have a fulfilling career and be making a positive impact on the world. What are some specific activities you'd like to do? How do you plan on impacting the world? You don't have to limit your plans to professional goals. Do you want to take your mom on a vacation? Or have weekly gatherings with your best friends from high school?

How to prepare: You can write down some detailed notes answering this question. Paint a picture of the life you want to have in 10 years. That picture should reveal your uniqueness.

Question 8: What Would You Change About Your High School?

Why they're asking this: With this question, colleges are looking for your ability to identify problems and get a better understanding of what you're looking for in a school. By learning what you'd change, they get a chance to learn more about what matters to you.

What they're looking for: Colleges want a thoughtful response. Be specific and respectful. Don't say, "I'd get better teachers." Say that you'd allocate more resources to the music department so that more students can have the opportunity to learn how to play new instruments. Discuss how learning an instrument helped you, and describe the current state of the music department. Try to make it clear that you want to improve your school to benefit the personal and academic growth of all of its students.

How to prepare: Think about the strengths and weaknesses of your high school. What are some specific problems it has? What are the consequences of those problems? What steps would you take to make improvements?

 

Question 9: Whom Do You Most Admire?

Why they're asking this: From this question, colleges can get a sense of your values. If the person you most admire is Justin Bieber, for example, colleges might wonder about your priorities.

What they're looking for: Don't limit your answer just to naming the person. Why do you admire that person? For instance, many people say that the person they most admire is a parent. But what specifically has that parent done that you admire so much? In short, don't forget the details.

How to prepare: Think deeply about your response to this question. If the person you admire is somebody you know, practice by giving your answer to that person. You'll know you've answered the question well if you're rewarded with a hug or even a few tears from your audience. 

Question 10: What Is Your Favorite Book?

Why they're asking this: This question is designed to help schools learn more about your interests. Colleges also probably want to make sure that you actually read books.

What they're looking for: Don't limit your answer to the name of a book; think about why you like the book so much. How did it inspire you? Did a particular character resonate with you? Did you learn something from this book that influenced your opinions or behavior? Did this book help shape your perspective or values?

How to prepare: Really think about books you've read that you connected with and why. I've also seen similar questions asking about a news article you recently read, so try to stay up to date with the news, too!

Question 11: Why Do You Want to Go to College?

Why they're asking this: For this question, schools are trying to understand why you're motivated to pursue higher education.

What they're looking for: Colleges want to see you have clear goals you're trying to accomplish by attending college. Obviously, they don't want to hear that you want to go to college because your parents are making you or so you can attend wild parties. In your answer, emphasize how college will allow you to pursue your passions, aid in your personal development, and enable you to fulfill your future goals. Be specific. What are your passions and goals? How will college give you an opportunity to pursue these passions? What college activities will increase your awareness and facilitate your intellectual and emotional growth?

How to prepare: For ideas, check out the pros in my article about if you should go to college.

Question 12: What Do You Like to Do for Fun?

Why they're asking this: This question is designed to get a better sense of your general interests and overall personality.

What they're looking for: Your answer doesn't only have to include activities that are academic. After all, you probably wouldn't be believed if you said all you do for fun is read science textbooks and do math problems. If some of what you do for fun is intellectual, though, explain why you find these activities fun. Finally, try to avoid general answers such as "hang out with friends."

How to prepare: You shouldn't have to prepare much for this question since I assume you already know what you like to do for fun. However, spend some time thinking about why you enjoy these activities.

Question 13: What Is an Obstacle You've Faced and How Did You Get Through It?

Why they're asking this: Colleges want to know if you've faced (and overcome) any significant challenges in your life. They also want to see that you're persistent and willing to work hard in order to overcome these obstacles.

What they're looking for: It's fine if you haven't had some awful, incredibly difficult obstacle in your life. Think of a time when you faced a problem that challenged you, and you put in a lot of effort to solve it. Your obstacle could be related to your home life, school, or an extracurricular activity. In your response, explain how the obstacle challenged you and emphasize what exactly you did to overcome it.

How to prepare: Think of a significant challenge you've had in your life and how you dealt with it. What did you learn from the problem? How did you solve it? Did it change or influence the way you address similar problems?

 

Question 14: What Makes You Unique?

Why they're asking this: This question is essentially what all the other questions above are meant to determine. It's another general question that's often difficult to answer. We are all unique, but it can be hard to put into words exactly what separates you from other people.

What they're looking for: Schools ask this question because they want to get to know you better. You can discuss a trait or multiple traits you possess. Give examples and stories that demonstrate these qualities. Do you have any uncommon interests or goals? Is your background very unique?

How to prepare: I recommend doing some serious brainstorming to address this question. Write out specific attributes and anecdotes you can share that demonstrate your uniqueness. When do you feel most comfortable? What makes you the proudest?