#And trying to share behind the scenes reasons and explanations

[deathfavor]

Okay say what you will, but tumblr's CEO had been nothing but kind and reassuring people tonight and dismissing all the false rumors going around as well as being insightful and i genuinely do appreciate the fact hes even taken time to when he didnt have to.

[pakhnokh]

Wei Wuxian not knowing about the Lan Forehead Ribbon in "House of Gentians"

What LWJ says in this part is the HoG-verse assumption regarding WWX not knowing the meaning of the forehead ribbon. The idea/opinion is mine, it's how I see it based on my reading, so it might not be true! But this is the setting for HoG nonetheless.

Please take into consideration that this is me explaining the technical behind the scenes of my thought process to make these pages. I base my work on the novel and what is written there only. This is not me trying to explain the novel, but only what I, as a creator of an AU, thought that I can use for it to work.

So please, read till the end and if you have your own insights to share, do it!

So what is the explanation for Wei Wuxian not knowing the meaning of the ribbon and finding it out in canon? We have 2 versions.

Novel version (also Manhua and audio drama): WWX doesn’t know the meaning of the forehead ribbon, and the cause is unknown. He learns about it from the Lan juniors in his second life.

Donghua version: The source of information about the ribbon is the Lan rule book, and WWX copied that part wrong. Only in his second life, when he flipped through LWJ’s notes, he found the mistake and the correct meaning written by LWJ.

I believe donghua had its own reasons to bend the plot this way (especially since censorship laws would forbid presenting the meaning of the ribbon so straightforwardly fearing the possibility of hinting on wangxian relationship, so showing it as one second shot of a notebook with tons of text was a good choice on their part to both deal with the censorship and still maintain the main idea).

HoG-verse follows the novel, therefore it does not assume that WWX knew, or could know the meaning of the ribbon from the Lan rules. We don’t even know if it’s IN the Lan rules. According to the novel, WWX had to copy about four fifths of the entire Lan rule book, see here:

And we do know that WWX remembered quite a lot of the rules, as he says to Jin Ling in the temple:

(In fact WWX is shown as someone with good memory, especially of things he read. He excels in his class in CR showing that he knows a lot of stuff compared to his classmates, he remembered phrases he read once from Wen Mao’s book,and he remembers the Lan rules he copied many times).

I also don’t think he has “selective memory” cause the only times WWX was shown as forgetting something (as far as I recall) is the times he was feverish (Tulu Xuanwu cave, forgetting the song the LWJ played to him) and devastated/not caring about what’s going on around him (after the massacre on Nightless City, after his Shijie died, didn’t remember LWJ saving him and confessing to him).

In both cases, he eventually remembers. He remembers by himself the song LWJ played in the end of the novel, and about the events of Nightless City, when LXC tells him about what happened, he admits that his memory is clouded:

Meaning he eventually recalls the things he forgot. This is opposed to his reaction when he finds out about the Lan ribbon from the Lan juniors. It’s really something he hears for the first time. If WWX really copied this from the rule book and forgot, he should’ve remembered it at this point, but he’s too surprised, excited and embarrassed.

PLUS, if WWX had copied the meaning of the forehead ribbon from the Lan rule book, I don’t think he would forget it. He always thought the Lans to be strict, boring and uptight, so such a “juicy” piece of information would by no means go unnoticed by him. He’d use this info to tease the hell out of young LWJ hahaha…notice how he is surprised that the Lans could have a romantic side:

ANYWAYS this is just to show that the donghua version isn’t exactly possible in novel-verse.

In fact, in the novel, WWX does know only one meaning of the forehead ribbon, or maybe its purpose:

Maybe THIS was what he read in the Lan Rule book, but it’s still not as in the donghua, where he eventually came to know that the ribbon is supposed to be given to one’s fated other. If this knowledge about the ribbon being a tool for self-regulation was what he learned from the Lan book, then he is still left in the dark because he suspects there is another meaning to the ribbon and he just doesn’t know it:

According to these parts, it doesn’t seem that WWX knew and forgot, but that he really didn’t know the whole story behind the ribbon. Again, his reaction is very strong:

Again, this is different from him realizing that his memory was clouded after the events of Nightless City. This is REALLY something he NEVER knew. Anyways back to the conversation with the juniors, where WWX finds the truth, LSZ tells that:

Apparently this meaning of the ribbon is something that was passed down the generations. We don’t know if it was passed down by script or orally, or both, but it is something that has turned into a custom for the Lans.

And since it is a major custom in such a major sect such as theirs, I believe that it was known among other sects too.

There’s the opinion that this meaning of the forehead ribbon was known to Lans only, but I personally don’t think so, because the Lans themselves had no problem of telling about it to outsiders.

Recall the text I added before where JL says to WWX that he learned its meaning:

And also, LSZ and LJY have no problem revealing it to WWX, who they still think is Mo Xuanyu at this point.

Also, in his first life, back on Phoenix Mountain, it seems that LXC was willing to tell WWX the meaning:

(ok this is personally my head canon but I think that LWJ stopped LXC from revealing the meaning of the ribbon because he kinda lowkey wanted WWX to continue touching/asking to touch it, and was afraid that by learning what the ribbon means, WWX would feel ashamed and stop. I mean, if I was LWJ and my crush would constantly touch or ask to touch the object that is supposed to be given to my fated other I’D DEVELOP HOPES AND THINK WHAT IF THIS IS FATE??? And eventually I’d want it to become true. :’) )

Anyways back to the matter at hand, the Lans seem to have no problem telling others what’s the meaning of the ribbon is. I also don’t think that taking one’s ribbon off has an immediate sexual association. IT CAN HAVE, AND IT IS, but it’s not the main idea of it, in my opinion. It’s an object that’s supposed to be given only to the other’s beloved no matter in which situation. Meaning, that the moment they are together, or wed, the moment they know they love each other, then it gives the fated person the validity to touch the ribbon. If it had a solely sexual association then I guess this scene wouldn’t happen:

LWJ enters a wine shop without his forehead ribbon, and WWX plays with it. You can say that this is them acting SUPERRRR shamelessly, but I really believe there’s nothing so scandalizing about it. LWJ feels comfortable giving him the ribbon because they are finally together. WWX accepted his feelings, and therefore, LWJ can take it off and give it to him, and (correct me if I’m wrong) nowhere is it mentioned that it’s something that’s supposed to be done only at the couple’s private chambers.

(That’s also why I felt confident enough to have LWJ remove his ribbon and tie it on WWX in front of everyone at the inn, even though it DID have a strong meaning of letting go of self regulation, but in my eyes this was possible also because WWX is his beloved one, even though his feelings aren’t returned yet.)

ANYWAYS it seems that the Lans have no problem telling about the meaning to outsiders, because (in my eyes) there’s really nothing TOO sensitive about the fact that the meaning of the ribbon is that you can give it only to your loved one. I don’t think it’s THAT grave to be kept a secret from the world. On the contrary, in a world such as theirs, which is built on honor and respect to customs and traditions, I guess it’s important for others to know about such a custom, if only so that they’d know not to touch the ribbon accidentally or on purpose, to avoid offending the Lan member. (I don’t know if it’s true but in my eyes the Lans make this ceremony of giving their ribbon to their loved one on their wedding hehehe so yeah, I do imagine that if outsiders attended a Lan wedding, they’d see this custom happening).

And as I believe happened in all periods of our real world, that there were books and records written about history, cultures and traditions of peoples, the same exists in MDZS verse. I believe that there would exist books and records about the history and customs of different sects, and I think that it's not impossible that the meaning of the Lan forehead ribbon is also mentioned briefly somewhere in a book about the Lan Clan/Sect, or elsewhere.

And this finally brings me to this page of HoG that LWJ asks Wei Wuxian this question. WWX wants to know the meaning of the ribbon for the first time, after so many times of touching or wanting to touch it.

I think that younger LWJ didn’t even KNOW that WWX doesn’t know the meaning of the ribbon. Hell, in his eyes it could have been just another malicious prank done by this shameless boy who has no respect. Maybe only later did LWJ realize that WWX really didn’t know the meaning.

Hearing WWX’s question finally being asked, LWJ isn’t ready to answer him yet. He gave him the ribbon, yes, but it was something he did as a statement to his Shishu and others. As I mentioned before, he didn’t give WWX his ribbon during their wedding, nor after it. Because he knows that WWX doesn’t return his feelings and that this marriage isn’t really out of love.

That’s why he isn’t willing to answer his question right away. Instead, he just teases WWX by answering with a question of his own. And since WWX brought their past, with how he touched his ribbon and was rejected, LWJ also brings his perspective on the past - like, how could you do all that, and not even know what’s the meaning of what you do?

LWJ was a student with WWX in cloud recesses and heard how he answered all questions correctly and fast. WWX was outstanding compared to his classmates, showing that he did some reading. LOL as I was making this there was this picture of WWX’s room running on twitter, and I really loved that private library/study corner he had there with tons of books.

It was clear that WWX did read about the cultivation world, including random sects’ history, traditions etc. This is where I’m sure that such a book would exist about the Lan Sect too.

And LWJ asks him if he didn’t read anything about the Lans as he was reading about all other sects. What’s the answer to that? In HoG-verse, I guess WWX missed this information somehow. He really didn’t know the meaning of the ribbon from any source, and he still doesn’t know.

BUT HE’S GONNA FIND OUT I PROMISE HEHEHE SO….there you have it! This is HoG’s version of dealing with the forehead ribbon matter, where WWX stayed alive and dared raise the question before HGJ himself.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE

I need to clarify one more thing, guys. This isn't me stating an idea about the novel, this is me sharing my thought process in order to make my AU work. Let me explain:

Even if the info about the Lan ribbon is written in the rule book, I couldn't be sure about that because it isn't specified in a clear manner. The only certain source for that is the donghua, which, as I'm sure you can understand, I can't use since it made many changes to the original story. I couldn't be sure if the info about the ribbon in the Lan rule book is a canon possibility or a donghua way of dealing with the plot. So, I DO NOT OPPOSE the idea that the info is in the Lan rule book! But I just needed clear evidence to work with.

LWJ was not about to answer WWX's question in that instant. He wanted to ask him back - just how come he didn't know?

So imagine me having to think about the text (and believe me I put a lot of thinking hahaha), I couldn't make LWJ say "Didn't you copy it in the rules? How could you miss it?" because again, I couldn't be 100% sure it WAS in fact canon that it's written in the rules.

So I made the decision to make him require about WWX's studious character which does 2 things:

based on my assumption that some knowledge about the Lan ribbon was available to the public because it seems to me that the Lans themselves are surprised that WWX doesn't know. imagine that this is like others know not to offer alcohol to the Lans so to not offend them. I'm sure that some basic knowledge about the ribbon was available to the public too, again, from courtesy reasons.

LWJ asking WWX this is my way of making it show that his character DID notice and DOES acknowledge WWX's intelligence. their studying in Gusu days was a chaos of LWJ avoiding WWX or giving him the cold shoulder. >This< LWJ however takes that unfortunate past experience and by this slight sarcastic reply shows WWX that he in fact noticed and appreciated WWX's smart and studious character.

So once again I stress out the fact that this is me creating this idea (which can be untrue!) out of technical reasons to make not only the AU in general work, but also THIS SPECIFIC moment of LWJ answering WWX without telling him the meaning.

[skippyv20]

Skip, Julie here. I worked for 43 years in fantastic jobs. Some as an employee, in HR, and in Senior Management. My employers were very well known Companies or Government. They had sick leave policies where employees from CEO to newest employee were entitled to medical leave and privacy of all medical information.

As a Manager I was aware of some very serious medical issues and we offorded those people complete privacy. Time to heal was dependent on their medical team despite how much they might have been needed in the workplace (perhaps being the only person with authority or highest level skill to deal with something vital).

A couple of these medical issues dealt with very serious surgery plus complications, and convalescence to deal with consequences of how their bodies or lives were changed and the mental processes they had to go through to understand and accept the changes.

Under no circumstances would I have ever thought it necessary to inform the other employees what was happening with the ill employee other than to update the return date. These people worked closely together but knew the value of allowing the one who was ill the time and space to fully recover. My contacting the employee for an update on whether they needed us was their choice to make, not mine or the company.

Princess of Wales is a senior member of a firm and a much loved member of a family. In her case she has a world wide family who care that she has been seriously ill and as family members we just want her to fully recover physically and mentally from her ordeal. We care and I think that says so much about how highly people around the world think of her.

As a senior member of the firm her bosses are aware of her illness and prognosis and have given her sick leave based on medical advice. I know the taxpayers of the UK keep up the mantra of BRF works for us, we pay them. Ok they are shareholders in the Company and they have an interest in ensuring the Company is providing the service they expect from it. The Company is BRF but no Company provides health information on senior employees except the CEO for obvious reasons. The company continues to operate even if a very important senior staff member is unwell.

My personal view is Catherine has been through a major abdominal surgery that has immediate and long term consequences for her. For HER, her husband and her 3 children. She does not owe any of us an explanation or an update. She loves her job and she does it brilliantly. She is totally loyal to King and Queen, her parents, siblings and the Commonwealth. She will never intentionally cause harm to her husbands family members.

People need to give her the same space we would all expect if we were seriously ill. I know people want to know what happened to her but really it is none of our business. Our role is to allow her time to fully heal so she can return to her role in the Company as soon as possible. No doubt she is already working behind the scenes.

I’m sorry this is long winded but I feel for her. 20 years of trying to please everyone yet when she needs some help people turn on her some will be because they are worried others for their own reasons. People need to send a private message of support but otherwise let her heal.

Princess of Wales, Catherine, God bless and keep you and your family fully protected and return you to full health We await your return, with patience, to your essential role for the Monarchy and we look forward to seeing you with your beautiful family vase soon as you feel you are fully recovered.

This is a lovely, thoughtful post Julie…no not too long.  I greatly appreciate the time and your experience you have shared with us.  I am quite proud of the fact that the people that come to this blog, are sensitive and caring and express nothing but support for Catherine and her family.  People are so concerned with “accountability “ these days….people are simply forgetting that behind the public life….is a real life going on, and people are dealing with all the same issues as everyone else.  The old “walk a mile in my shoes” comes to mind!  Thank YOU again Julie!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[project-sekai-facts]

VBS event teaser commentary

Sorry for not doing this last month. Again. Yeah I know I'm doing it just before the actual preview drops who even cares.

As per the norm, the teaser is just based on the jacket art so there's not a whole lot we can learn there. We know that cards are sometimes based on the song though, so maybe we can guess something there. Personally this gives me a retro nightclub sort of feel, and I'm kinda surprised they haven't done something like that with VBS yet, doubly so when you consider the Gekkou teaser had a very retro feel (I'm grasping at straws atp I've wanted this for two years lol).

Okay, so actual plot predictions time. I reckon this will be another POU or LUTF situation where the event focuses somewhat heavily on a side character. Ah, well, less so "I reckon" and more "Break Down the Wall foreshadows that this event will focus quite a bit on Arata and Souma". Based on bdtw, I think the event is going to focus on two things which heavily overlap with Toya's arc: Toya's feelings towards music, and getting Arata to rejoin the group.

The game has drawn parallels to the relationships between Akito & Toya and Arata & Souma since POU, with Toya outright quoting Kaito's statement from pou about their similarities in bdtw. Toya is able to relate to how Arata feels because their experiences with their partners are very similar. Akito and Souma are the ones who got Toya and Arata into the street music scene and shared their dreams with the other. Because of this similarity, Toya is able to put himself in Arata's shoes somewhat. I'm writing this very late so this is not clear what I'm getting at at all. Basically it's about partners. Toya is the best one to try and reason with Arata, and it's probably why this was his job given to him by Ken. R Sound Design says the song has a focus on relationships between the characters, so to say this will be a big part of the event is not a stretch at all.

(TL by pjsekai_eng)

And connecting to that: Toya (and Arata's) feelings about music. Toya's bdtw chapter also focused a lot on his feelings towards music, and how he'd grown to love it again thanks to Akito and VBS after his bad experiences with classical music as a child. Once again we're right back to the partners thing. Toya talks about his feelings towards music in woao as well, which also happens to be the event where Souma explains the story behind Gurney Flap's formation, and how he was able to get Arata to love music as much as he does. The key difference between Toya and Arata's stories though, is that Toya was able to move on from the past and his trauma. Toya seems to realise that Arata's past is affecting him in bdtw, and Taiga also pointed this out in lutf. While his relationship with his family is by no means mended, Toya was at least able to start healing with the help of his love of street music. On the other hand, Arata is very clearly still grieving the loss of Souma as his partner, and it's what's been holding him back this entire time. I could easily see Toya having a heart to heart with Arata in regards to their feelings towards music and their friends/partners. In a perfect world they do what they did in lutf where they explained a lot of the RADder backstory but for Gurney Flap this time, but I don't want to get attached to that idea. I think at the very least explaning what exactly happened to Souma could happen though.

Oh and on the off chance this ends up being An5, it'll be about her feelings towards Kohane. As in, her insecurities that have been showing up since Bout for Beside You about Kohane essentially becoming too good for her. Like with Toya this was heavily foreshadowed in her bdtw chapter and cards, as well as at the end of kiuan over a year ago. Combine An's grief over Nagi with her insecurities over Kohane and Kohane carrying Nagi's spirit in the sense of her singing, and you have an event story.

[thiswasneverthat]

clandestine

❅ chan x fem!reader

❅ angst, toxic relationship, implied cheating

❅ wc: 800+

On a night etched with weariness, as the weight of a taxing workday pressed upon you, fate guided you to a bar nestled conveniently close to your office. Craving the burning sensation of alcohol to dull the edges of stress, little did you know that the Gods above had a different plan in store. It was within those walls that you encountered not a mere drink, but also something far more intoxicatingㅡ him.

A warm smile adorned his face as he approached you that night. With a polite request, Chris pulled out the chair opposite yours, and you couldn't help but return the smile and nod in agreement.

Since then, the threads of your lives entwined in a bond that seemed unbreakable. However, as the sands of time slipped through your grasp, you wondered if it was a tangible reality or merely a fleeting illusion in your mind.

Who would have thought, almost three years later, that the very fragments of your heart would be scattered into a million pieces, leaving behind a painful echo of what you had thought was an unbreakable bond?

Chris who was the devoted boyfriend, now wielded the power to shatter your heart into a gazillion pieces.

Chris who used to brighten up your days with his calls, now chose to remain silent, leaving your heartache reverberating through the empty lines.

Chris who once wrapped you in his arms as he showered you with kisses, had now become a distant figure, turning his back on you whenever you needed him.

Chris who whispered sweet nothings in your ear, now left you with a deafening silence that seemed to drown out all the love you once shared.

Chris who used to write you heartfelt lettersㅡ his pen pouring out his deepest emotions, now left your messages unread, the ink of his promises fading into oblivion.

Chris who once held your hand and promised to never let go, had now slipped through your fingers, leaving you grasping at the memories that were slipping away like sand.

And as you stood there, trying to piece together the fragments of what was once a beautiful love story, you couldn't help but wonder if it had all been a dream or a cruel trick played by fate.

What had caused this sudden rift? Was it something within you? Was your demanding work schedule a culprit? Or did the fault lie with him?

In your attempt to salvage what was left of the love you held dearly, you reached out to him, seeking an explanationㅡ a glimmer of hope. Yet, all he offered was a cold and distant reply, "some things change, and some things simply are."

You had no fucking clue what he was implying. But, you convinced yourself that you would unravel the truth and mend the rift, no matter how elusive it seemed.

However, you got your answer sooner than expected when you visited his studio one night.

As you stepped into his studio, the air seemed to thicken with tension. The soft glow of dim lighting revealed a scene that struck you like a blow to the chest. There he was, standing dangerously close to a woman, their laughter mingling in the air like a melody that you couldn't bear to hear. 

Your voice caught in your throat, the words you had rehearsed fading into nothingness. You had hoped for a different truth, a reasonable explanation, but the truth stood before you like an unyielding wall, leaving you to grapple with a pain that seemed to swallow you whole.

That sight was etched into your mind like a bitter memory. His arms, once the safe haven that held you close, now encircled her waist with an intimacy that sent daggers through your heart.

She was perching on the edge of his desk, a space you once occupied in innocent moments years ago. And the irony of the situation wasn't lost on you— a memory of his annoyance when you had accidentally sat on that desk flashed before your eyes, a painful contrast to the scene you now bore witness to.

You stood there, rooted in disbelief. Your heart pounding in your chest like a relentless drum. Every word he had ever said, every promise of forever, echoed in your mind like a cruel taunt. A mix of anger, hurt, and a sense of betrayal surged within you, threatening to overwhelm your composure.

Summoning every ounce of courage, you cleared your throat, cutting through the tension that hung heavy in the air. Their heads snapped towards you, his annoyed gaze meeting your tear-filled eyes.

"Chris," you managed to say, your voice trembling slightly despite your efforts to steady it.

"What are you doing here?" his words cut through the tense air like a blade, carrying a frosty edge that mirrored the icy wind outside.

As his eyes locked onto yours, in that instant, the undeniable truth hung in the space between youㅡ a truth that echoed with the weight of everything that had been shattered and lost.

Chris had slipped away, and in the wake of his absence, it became painfully clear that the two of you had lost it all. 

[cocrante]

Thinking of Haitham as an asexual character who, at some point in his relationship with Kaveh, begins to feel inadequate because he understands that his partner deserves a more intimate connection that he cannot provide. It's simply not something he can explain. But he wants to give Kaveh more. There are moments when he imagines sneaking up behind him and passionately kissing his neck or sharing long nights of love with him. But they are only thoughts and unfortunately, they remain just that.

He also finds it difficult to explain it to Kaveh, even though Kaveh is much more understanding than he had imagined, but he still wants to give him a logical explanation. Tell him why he can't, if there's a reason behind it.

What Haitham knows for sure is that he definitely likes Kaveh. He really likes him. He likes him more than anyone else. He wouldn't want to see him with anyone else but him. He loves him, and this feeling is very clear to him, but he's afraid that if he can't go beyond simple gestures of affection, Kaveh might get tired of him one day, and he wouldn't blame him for it. For this reason, Haitham is reflecting on whether to let him go or to continue holding him captive in a relationship that can't give him anything but some gentle caresses and tender kisses.

However, Kaveh had realized his partner's change in mood. He had made it clear to himself earlier that it would not be easy, but it would not prevent him from wanting a relationship with his roommate. He loved him, and they loved each other. Kaveh was also certain of this.

Of course, the intimate component was missing. He felt that thrill down his spine when he touched him, kissed him, and always hoped for more. But everything always ended too soon...

He was not bitter or sorry, he did not want explanations or anything else. He was fine with it. If the problem was that he needed time, he would grant it to him. If there were no problems, they would continue like this. He would not make a scene; he had told him that all he needed was to hold hands.

But one day, Haitham talked to Kaveh about this, making him aware of his thoughts, as it was right to do. Kaveh deserved more than anyone to know how things were going and, above all, to be aware that they probably wouldn't be able to go much further.

Haitham spoke to him clearly about his feelings, what he felt for him, the fact that they were good together, and how his soul became lighter in his presence. But if he needed more, then it was right to let him go.

Kaveh's eyes filled with tears for a second, and with a broken voice, he asked him, "Are we breaking up?"

"Only if you want to" Haitham replied, trying to hold his confused gaze.

"Why should I leave you?" he asked again, wiping away a tear that was running down his face.

"Because I don't want to trap you in a relationship where you can't have what you deserve" Haitham tried to explain.

"I don't feel trapped," Kaveh said calmly, taking his hand, stroking the back with his thumb. "I'm fine even like this, remember?"

Haitham lowered his gaze, covering Kaveh's hand with the other. "What if we never have an intimate relationship? Would you still be okay with it?"

Kaveh remained silent for a moment, looking at their intertwined hands. "Sometimes I would like to feel more, it's true, but I prefer things the way they are rather than not having you in my life anymore" another tear streaked his face. "If you need time, I will wait for you, and if it's not time that you need, I'll still be by your side."

Haitham looked at him as he wiped away his tears, making him cry was definitely the last thing he wanted. He didn't imagine Kaveh's feelings were that strong; at that moment, he felt guilty only for doubting Kaveh's love for him. Haitham then placed a hand on Kaveh's damp cheek, wiping away another tear. "I'm sorry" he kissed his wet cheek. "For what?" Kaveh asked, wiping the other eye. "For making you cry" he stroked his hair, putting a lock behind his ear. "For thinking you wanted to leave" he lowered his gaze, searching for his hand. "And for doubting your love for me" he showed a small smile.

"You're an idiot," Kaveh said with a trembling voice, then hugged him, laying his head on his shoulder. "Talk to me about these problems next time," he asked, "I want to help you."

Haitham hugged him back, kissing his head. "I will."

<< previous

[grandmother-goblin]

Field Study - Chapter 8

Ao3 - Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Astarion's mind is a bit of a mess after a talk with Gale and seeing how concerned Cas got when she learned Wyll had turned into a devil. Jealously roiling through his veins, fear and self-doubt make their way to the surface, and Astarion makes a very bad decision.

Relationships: Astarion x Female!Tav

Rating: Explicit (18+) for eventual smut.

Word Count: 6.6k

Chapter Tags: Denial, jealousy, Astarion lets the bad thoughts win, mentions of fantasy stereotypes.

Content Warning: Astarion falls back into old habits and thought patterns in this chapter, which might be hard for some to read. If this makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this chapter or stop reading when the drow comes into the scene.

“Eroc,” Astarion said flatly as if repeating Cas’s answer out loud would help him make sense of it. But it didn’t. “Really?”

What in the hells was she thinking?

His brow furrowed as his mind began to sort through her possible reasoning. The urge to jump to conclusions before Cas could even offer an explanation was strong, but he held back..

Given what little information Astarion knew about Eroc, the vampire would not have been his first choice of possible contacts, the main reason being that Astarion wasn’t keen on accepting help from another vampire. After all, it went so well last time. His personal reservations aside, he couldn’t understand why Cas would contact Eroc over the Huntsman of Neverwinter. Unless…

Unless Cas was hiding something. Perhaps there was more to her “friend” than she initially let on.

It wouldn’t be the first time Cas kept valuable information close to the vest. It wasn’t but two days ago that she’d finally told them about her famous older brother. Who knew what other secrets she had up her sleeve?

Keeping secrets, Astarion understood. He had his fair share of them as well, most of which he never wanted to see the light of day. But what niggled at the back of his mind was the fact that Gale seemed to know more about Eroc than Astarion did. That meant that Gale and Cas must have had some more personal conversations.

For some reason, that did not sit right with him.

Not one bit.

Astarion leaned back on his palms, trying to ignore the subtle tightness in his chest. It wasn’t like Cas was particularly close to the insufferable wizard. So why did Gale get to know something about Cas that he didn’t?

Rushing water from the nearby river filled the long second of silence following his question as Cas tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes focused on a little blue flower swaying in the morning breeze.

“I knew Eroc would answer,” Cas finally said, as if that explained everything.

Astarion tilted his head. “And your brother wouldn’t have?”

“Until last night, I didn’t know if he was still alive,” she said shortly.

“What?” Karlach’s face dropped. “What happened to him?”

“Nothing. Vesryn is fine.”

Gale frowned, his expression tinged with either pity or sympathy, and said, “I had no idea—”

“— He’s fine.” Cas cut him off with a dismissive wave of her hand. “All that matters is that I got in touch with Eroc, who then contacted Vesryn. If we’re lucky, Ves should be here in a couple of days to help out with the tadpole situation.”

There were several questions Astarion wanted to ask, but she clearly wasn’t in the mood for prying. He couldn’t blame her, although it didn’t stop him from being curious. Why had she thought her brother may be dead in the first place?

Of course, he was glad to hear that her brother hadn’t perished. The Huntsman wasn’t all that useful if he wasn’t alive.

Astarion supposed he should be happy for Cas’s sake as well. The thought of losing her brother must have weighed on her, but that was something he could discuss with her at a later time. If she ever felt like it.

Cas didn’t force him to talk about difficult topics, so he would try not to press her either. It was only fair.

He noted Cas’s tense posture and the slight furrow to her brow. There was a sudden urge to pull her back into his lap and make her laugh by kissing her neck and to ease the tension coiled beneath her skin.

Instead, Astarion got to his feet and stood beside her, his hands safely in his pockets. When she looked at him, he gave her a playful smile. “Well, since you two are on speaking terms again, tell that brother of yours to hurry up. It’s not like I hang out with you for your sparkling personality.”

Cas’s lips tightened into a thin line, trying not to smile as her eyes twinkled with amusement. A small surge of pride ran through him, even as she shook her head and said, “You’re such an ass.”

“I was under the impression that my ass is one of my best qualities.”

This time, Cas laughed outright. “And what gave you that idea? There’s nothing there.”

Astarion leaned toward her, close enough so he could smell the lavender in her hair, and said sotto voce, “Tell that to your wandering hands. They had plenty to grab last night.”

A light flush crept up her neck and colored her cheeks as she gently swatted the back of her hand against his chest. When Gale cleared his throat, the color reached the tips of her delicately pointed ears.

“Alright you two,” Karlach said, clapping her hands like a school teacher trying to get the attention of a rowdy classroom. Though she seemed more amused than annoyed. Her expression sobered a bit as she looked at Cas. “If you’re done flirting, we have a bit of a situation with Wyll and you should probably talk to him.”

“What’s going on with Wyll?” Cas asked, and the concern in her voice felt like a lance through Astarion’s heart. “Is he okay?”

He tried not to grind his teeth as Cas turned and gathered her bag from where it lay discarded on the ground. She hadn’t even heard the answer, but just the thought of something being wrong with Wyll was enough to make her want to rush off. As if Karlach would be so calm if something was actually wrong with him.

Karlach rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, remember how he said he’d pay the price for not killing me? Mizora, his dickhead of a patron, showed up and….” She ran her hand through her hair as a muscle in her jaw visibly tensed. “The fucker turned him into a devil.”

Panic flashed across Cas’s face for a split second before a veil of stoicism fell in place. She hiked her bag up onto her shoulder, the mask faltering just long enough for her to give Astarion an apologetic smile. “I’ll see you later,” she said before turning toward Karlach. “Do you know where Wyll went?”

Karlach fell in step beside her. “He wanted to be left alone last night and he wasn’t in his tent this morning…”

A green tendril of jealousy snaked up Astarion’s spine as Cas and Karlach rushed off. Of course, Cas would immediately abandon him for Wyll. What else could he expect?

As wonderful as his night with Cas was in the moment, he couldn’t keep deluding himself.

Wyll was someone a person could actually care about. Kind, righteous, and so bloody good it made Astarion want to vomit. The type of person a woman like Cas deserved. She’d be degrading herself to settle for anything less.

There was only one plausible reason why Cas bothered with Astarion at all. It was the same reason for everyone else, and it was partly his own fault. He had seduced her, of course she wanted him for his body. His good looks and skills in the bedroom were the only things he had to offer anyway.

And yet….

Astarion exhaled deeply. None of it made any sense. Cas seemed so sincere, so happy to spend time with him. Part of him wanted to keep her close, for reasons beyond his own protection. He liked spending time with her as well. He wanted to see where things could go with her.

The heart was a fickle thing. It told him to simply pursue her because it felt good – because it felt right. It banged against the bars of its cage to which his mind held the key.

His mind was far more reliable; less prone to making foolish mistakes that his heart would leap toward blindly. It was his mind that kept him alive. His heart only caused him pain.

“She’s quite lovely, isn’t she?” Gale commented, surprising Astarion and pulling him from his thoughts. He’d been so distracted he hadn’t even noticed Gale was still lingering nearby. “You’re a very lucky man.”

“The fact there’s a tadpole in my head and we’re marching into a goblin camp later would suggest otherwise,” Astarion replied.

“Don’t be like that,” Gale said with a dismissively optimistic tone that grated on Astarion’s nerves. “Amidst everything that has befallen us recently, we have to take the good when we can find it, hmm? Cas does really seem to like you, you know.”

Astarion scoffed. “I’m sure she does,” he replied without making any effort to sound convinced by his own words. “It��d be hard not to after last night.”

Gale rolled his eyes. “I might have been out of the game for a bit, Astarion, but I’d like to think I recognize a real connection when I see one.”

“Oh, we definitely connected,” Astarion replied out of pure instinct. It was easier to make jokes and innuendos than to confront what Gale was saying.

With a groan of disappointment or disgust, Astarion wasn’t sure which, Gale folded his arms in front of him. “Listen, I’m not about to stand here and lecture you, but you’d do well not to forget who you’re dealing with,” he said and cocked his chin toward where they had last seen Cas. “I don’t know what your end goal with her is, but she’s a good woman. Treat her well.”

“Please,” Astarion said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “We’re just having a bit of fun. It’s nothing serious.”

The words felt wrong as soon as they were out of his mouth, but he couldn’t take them back. Not only because of the implied accusation toward Cas, but because they simply didn’t resonate with him the way he expected. As much as he wanted to fight it, the night he spent with Cas solidified one thing in his mind: he liked her.

There was no way around it.

It was like every time his mind reached that simple conclusion, all of his past experiences and anxieties took that realization, crumpled it into a ball, and smashed it underfoot. Then the realization would slowly creep back again, a little more resilient than before.

His mind was failing spectacularly at crushing it that morning. To think, Cas would have gone back to her tent had Astarion not convinced her to stay. And had he not kissed her… she might have been perfectly content to talk about the silly Detective Kit novels with him.

Like an actual friend.

“Even if it is ‘just a bit of fun’, as you so indecorously put it, she does care for you,” Gale said, sounding a little more serious than before. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

It was Astarion’s turn to roll his eyes. Despite Gale’s diplomatic phrasing, he could read between the lines well enough. As irritating as it was, Gale’s concerns were perfectly valid.

Though Astarion didn’t set out with the intention of hurting Cas, nor did he want to, chances were good that he would anyway. The degree of that hurt, however, was up for debate.

It came down to whether or not Cas truly cared about him. If he was just a pretty body she could get lost in for a couple hours, chances were good that she wouldn’t be completely devastated if she found out Astarion had been manipulating her the entire time. Experience told him that was the most likely scenario. It wasn’t like he could break her heart if she never gave it to him to begin with.

But if Cas did care about him for more than just his looks, for more than just his skills in the bedroom…. No. It wasn’t even worth entertaining the thought.

If Astarion played his cards right, Cas couldn’t possibly get hurt because she would never find out that he was less than genuine in his affections. At the end of the day, she was his best bet for survival. He couldn’t jeopardize that.

And he really didn’t want to talk any more about it. Least of all with Gale,

“I’ll endeavor not to break her fragile little heart,” he said without putting an ounce of weight into his words. He just wanted to get Gale off his back without getting himself incinerated.

Gale shook his head with a sigh. “I suppose that’s the best I can hope for from you.”

Before Astarion could decide what Gale meant by that comment, Gale excused himself to finish preparing scrolls for the inevitable battle ahead of them.

It was for the best.

Enough had gone awry that morning. Astarion didn’t need to add a fight with Gale on top of everything else that hadn’t gone to plan.

He tried to push the events of the morning from his mind, but the more he thought about it, the worse he felt. Cas had abandoned him not once, but twice. Both times shortly after they’d been physical. Combine that with how she had asked him to hunt… she did know what that entailed, right?

If he was to get blood without drawing attention to himself, the easiest way he knew how was to seduce some poor sap and lead them off someplace private. Only, instead of leading them to Cazador, Astarion would be the one who got to satiate his hunger for once.

It wasn’t the same situation, but the parallels made him feel a little queasy. Moreover, when he thought of how Cas had rushed off to find Wyll, that bit of discomfort turned into quiet anger.

Cas was using him. Just because she was a nice person otherwise, it didn’t make that inescapable fact any less true. If Wyll were to make an offer to share his bedroll, Astarion wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if she accepted. Wood elves had a reputation for flitting around with multiple partners after all.

Still, jealousy writhed in his gut, poisonous and spreading. The muscles in his jaw tensed and would not relax even when he focused on doing so.

What the hells had he been thinking, toying with the idea that Cas saw him as something more than just a body? He had been a fool.

His wishful thinking didn’t change what he was. Nor did it change the fact that Cas had come to him in the middle of the night not because he was a man, or because he was someone she cared about, but because he was a vampire. A weapon. Something she could use to give her the upper hand in the fight ahead. His stomach sank with the realization that she might have tried to use her body to pay for it.

So be it.

If Cas wanted to fight side-by-side with a vampire, who was he to deny her? After all, he still needed to hunt, just as she’d asked. Though he wasn’t keen on risking his skin, at least finding his prey and the subsequent bloodshed was something he could look forward to.

—

Even though Karlach had given them due warning that Wyll had been turned into a devil, knowing it beforehand did not make Astarion any more prepared to see the transformation himself. At first glance, Wyll looked a bit like a tiefling without a tail. Two great horns curled from his head, his good eye red and black, and all of his features had been sharpened, turning him from boyishly handsome to more devilishly handsome.

Though Wyll appeared to be in good spirits, Cas still fussed over him in a way that made Astarion’s teeth clench. Wyll was completely fine! He looked a little different, but he was the same cocky, goody two-shoes bastard he was the day before. Given what little Astarion knew about warlock pacts, Wyll had gotten off relatively lightly considering he had disobeyed his patron.

Even a devil showed more leniency than Cazador ever did. If Astarion was a better person, he might have been relieved on Wyll’s behalf. Instead, he just felt spiteful.

And Cas wasn’t helping matters by giving Wyll her undivided attention.

Jealousy boiled in Astarion’s gut, spreading through his veins and tensing his muscles. Despite the lovely forest surrounding the trail that would lead them to the goblin camp, complete with blooming flowers and butterflies drifting on the wind, the only thing he could focus on was staring a hole into the back of Wyll’s skull.

Nothing stopped Astarion from joining in on their conversation, but he didn’t. He didn’t particularly want to talk to Gale either, given how their last talk went. Instead, he just trailed a few meters behind them, close enough to catch snippets of their conversation but far enough as not to be obvious.

“I really wish that you hadn’t had to face Mizora alone,” Cas said in that serious yet concerned tone of hers. “We’re supposed to be looking out for each other.”

“Cas, it’s okay,” Wyll replied with a gentle laugh, doing an admirable job of sounding genuinely unbothered. “There was no way you could’ve predicted when she was going to show. No need to beat yourself up about it.”

“If I hadn’t — ” Cas dragged her hand down her face and shook her head. “I should have been there for you.”

Instead of spending the night with Astarion, was her unspoken implication. There was regret in her tone. Remorse. He shouldn’t care. He really shouldn’t care. So what if Cas wished she had been with Wyll rather than him that night? As long as Cas was still on his side and wasn’t going to turn against him, she could do whatever she wanted with the Bastard of Frontiers.

It didn’t matter one bit.

But still…. What the hells had Wyll done to make her care so godsdamned much? What did Astarion need to do to get the same treatment? Not that he needed it, of course.

“You’re here now.” Astarion watched for just a moment as Wyll placed a hand on her shoulder before he forced himself to look away from the overly familiar gesture. “And I’m glad for it. A few moments talking with you, and I’m already feeling much better.”

Since neither of them could see Astarion at that moment, he rolled his eyes. Thankfully, he didn’t have to endure their conversation much longer. The smell of smoke and the beating of war drums was an unexpectedly welcome interruption.

Funny. He never thought that marching into a goblin nest would have been something he looked forward to, but anything was better than listening to Wyll flirt with Cas.

Getting into the goblin camp went much more smoothly than Astarion expected. Cas convinced the guards at the front gates that all of them - including Gale and Wyll - were hired mercenaries. Somehow, she played the part well enough that none of the goblins dared to question her. Astarion wasn’t sure whether to call her performance lying or acting. In either case, she was good enough to warrant a mental note of that talent in case she ever turned it against him.

Browned ivy climbed up the crumbling stone walls surrounding what once might have been a beautiful courtyard in the old temple of Selûne the goblins had turned into their camp. Crude wooden structures masked the once impressive architecture and vines slithered through the shattered remains of stained-glass windows. Amidst these ruins, an entire horde of goblins were engaged in feasting, drinking, and revelry, scuttling around the place like ants over discarded scraps of food.

A pungent mixture of wine, beer, roasted meat, sweat, piss, and animal droppings assaulted his senses, strong and unpleasant. It almost reminded him of the downtrodden sections of Baldur’s Gate, but much more lively. The goblins, along with a few drow, humans, and bugbears, were far too busy partaking in their own festivities to either notice or care about the state of their camp.

Many of the party-goers were simply chatting amongst themselves, with heavy mugs of ale in hand and boisterous laughter on their lips. Some were engaged in some sort of game that involved chasing an owl bear cub, others were tormenting a bard who looked oddly familiar while he struggled through his ballad, and very few seemed to even glance toward Astarion or his companions as they approached.

All in all, it seemed like a decent party. If one could ignore the filth. It wasn’t the type of party Astarion would normally attend, with stuffy nobles and far too much posturing.

No, the goblins’ party seemed far more fun.

Mainly because goblins embraced behavior that others would deem immoral or wrong. All the refinements of normal society went out the window when those little beasts were involved. Provided he was subtle about it, they might even look the other way whenever Astarion began his hunt. Across the courtyard, Astarion had already spotted a handsome young drow who looked like he might make for an easy target.

“Let’s hope that’s not Halsin on the spit over there,” Gale commented, pulling Astarion’s attention away from his potential prey. Gale wrinkled his nose in the general direction of where a couple goblins tended to some indistinguishable meat slow-roasting on a spit.

Huh. Astarion wouldn’t have thought goblins had the patience to slow cook anything. Learn something new every day.

Wyll made a disgusted noise. “Pray our luck isn’t that bad,” he said and glanced toward the doors to the temple. “The quicker we locate the leaders, the better chance we have of this whole thing going according to plan. We should get moving.”

Leave it to Mr.Hero to turn his back on a good time in favor of responsibility.

Scoffing, Astarion rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a wet blanket, Wyll. Surely we have enough time to enjoy a drink or two first.”

Astarion watched two drunken goblins crash into each other in a fit of laughter. Having fun like anyone at a party ought to be. But no. Not him and his exceedingly dull traveling companions. All thanks to a stupid druid getting himself captured.

“Wyll’s right,” Cas said and the innocuous words felt like a slap to the face. “The sooner we get out of here, the better.”

Of course, the suggestion was perfectly understandable. Astarion expected that Cas would want to stay focused on their mission, which wasn’t even what made him clench his teeth. It was the fact that she sided with Wyll.

The way he was feeling was stupid. He knew he was being petty and ridiculous. But knowing that didn’t keep his jealousy from festering inside of him like mold and rot. It was an awful feeling, and he couldn’t quite shake it.

Astarion bit his tongue, knowing there was no use in arguing further. He just needed to focus on surviving the next couple of hours, and stewing in his progressively corrosive thoughts would only be a distraction.

It was far too late to back out of their suicide mission anyways. Despite the new possibilities Cas’s connections brought to the table, rescuing Halsin still seemed to be their best bet for dealing with the tadpole. Not to mention, the goblins themselves might know a thing or two. Still, these factors didn’t make Astarion any more eager to risk his own skin.

“Let’s meet back here within an hour,” Cas said, her eyes locking with his. “Wyll and I will see what we can find inside the temple. I overheard a goblin saying that they had someone they were questioning, and I have a feeling it’s either Halsin or they know something about him. Gale can start scouting the place for anything unusual that might relate to the Absolute, and Astarion can gather intel out here at the party. Everyone in agreement?”

It was a compromise on his behalf. She was trying to do something that would make everyone happy without passing judgment.

Astarion didn’t need to gather intel from a bunch of drunken goblins, but she was giving him the chance to indulge himself. Somehow, he felt both appreciative and offended by the offer. Like Cas didn’t think he could be of any more use than just a blade in the dark, biding his time until they decided to strike.

But the party would give him an excellent opportunity to hunt, to fulfill the one task Cas had given him to prepare for the fight ahead. The crumbling ruins boasted plenty of alcoves and places to hide, and he’d have no problem either luring or trapping his prey out of sight.

The prospect of drinking the blood of another thinking creature had his mouth watering. Tasting Cas’s blood had been a revelation, but he couldn’t help but wonder how someone else might compare.

If he had a choice, he wouldn’t pick one of the dozens of goblins milling about. He had standards, after all. Although, they likely still tasted significantly better than rats.

Astarion glanced toward where he had seen the handsome drow earlier and met a pair of red, Lolth-sworn eyes. The drow did not look away, watching him with a mixture of curiosity and approval. A smile flashed across the drow’s lips and he turned to say something to a human man standing beside him.

Cas’s hand brushed along his shoulder as she stepped past him and his skin heated in the wake of her touch. “Meet us by the broken statue in an hour, yeah?”

Astarion’s eyes flashed to the drow, and then back to Cas and Wyll.

On one hand, he was eager to begin his hunt. The drow seemed like potentially easy prey. On the other hand, he wasn’t keen on Cas and Wyll going off on some adventure without him again. Not since they came back from their last adventure all flirtations and smiles.

Not since Wyll had made his intentions toward Cas known. And especially not since Cas had been fussing over Wyll after he’d received his lovely new horns.

“Actually,” Astarion caught Cas by the crook of her arm before she could start toward the temple. “Why don’t I go with you and Wyll? In case things go awry with these True Souls.”

That was a lie, but he didn’t care. He knew Cas and Wyll could more than handle themselves. After all, they had dealt with Auntie Ethel on their last field trip. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that he didn’t want Cas alone with Wyll.

If that made him a possessive bastard, so be it.

While the drow lurking across the courtyard seemed like the perfect prey, he was willing to miss out on that opportunity if it meant he could keep his eyes on Cas instead. It wasn’t like he would have been able to completely focus on the drow if he was fixated on whatever Cas was doing with Wyll.

Cas didn’t question his sudden interest in tagging along, but simply nodded and gave him a friendly smile. “It’ll be good to have some backup,” she said, letting her fingers brush against his as she made her way toward the temple, with Astarion walking closely behind her.

—

It did not take them long to find a potential lead.

All they had to do was follow the sounds of screams; the telltale wails of a man being tortured, a man whose body was being pushed far beyond its limits but having no power to bring an end to his agony.

It was something Astarion was all too familiar with.

While one part of him felt some sympathy for the bastard, the darker part delighted in the man’s suffering and he couldn’t quite say why. Maybe it was just because he wasn’t the victim, or maybe it was because some part of him just wanted others to suffer the way he had. Who knew?

When they turned down a long corridor, toward the source of the noise, Cas whirled around and placed a hand on Astarion’s chest. “It’s a dead end down there.” Cas tilted her head towards a lone torch marking the end of the hallway. “Stay out here and keep watch?”

“And miss the fun?” Astarion’s brows drew together as he gave her a mock pout. Why didn’t she ask Wyll to keep watch? What could Wyll do that he couldn’t?

Cas looked up at him and cheekily mimicked his expression. “Please?”

To think she once said he had puppy-dog eyes. “Fine,” he huffed. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

Cas flashed a smile at him, and that alone almost made it worth sitting out whatever excitement was happening down the hall. “Thanks.”

“If anyone goes down that corridor, try to use the worm to let us know,” Wyll added and tapped his temple for emphasis. “We’ll try to be quick.”

“Oh no, take your time.” Astarion glanced toward what was presumably a torture chamber when another scream pierced the air. “I won’t let anyone crash your little party.”

Cas gave him an affirmative nod before she followed Wyll down the hall.

So much for not letting them have an adventure alone.

When the door to the torture cell shut behind them, Astarion was tempted to wander closer and see what was going on, but he resisted the urge. Cas had given him a job, and he would not risk her safety or disappointment for his curiosity.

Astarion huffed. Since when had he started to think like that? If Wyll had asked, he would have absolutely no problem going against the Blunder of Frontiers. But since it was Cas…. Astarion dragged his hand down his face.

He didn’t want to dwell on it.

He surveyed the room in front of him. It was some sort of great hall where goblins congregated much more quietly than they did in the courtyard. Apparently, the party did not extend to within the temple walls. Goblins lined up in front of an altar and presented themselves before an older goblin they called Priestess Gut. One by one, Priestess Gut spoke to them and then branded their skin with the mark of the Absolute.

No wonder the place smelled terrible. But the fact that it wasn’t the smell of his own skin was a pleasant change.

“You haven’t gotten a brand yet.” Astarion nearly jumped at the sound of a deep, masculine voice that came from his left.

It was the drow. He had followed them into the temple, and only the gods knew how much he had overheard.

But the man seemed relaxed. There wasn’t a hint of suspicion in his eyes as they trailed over Astarion’s body slowly. Appraisingly. A smirk of approval appeared on his dark lips when he turned his attention back to Astarion’s face.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” the drow continued amicably as he took a step closer. “But I hear you’re a True Soul, so maybe you don’t need one. It’d be a tragedy to mark someone as handsome as yourself.”

The drow stood close enough that Astarion could smell the spicy scent of his cologne mixed with the wine on his breath. The man’s eyes trailed over his body once again, but he didn’t make a move to get any closer than he already was.

Good. Astarion was used to people leering over him, judging his face and body like he was some sort of prized show animal. But he didn’t want the drow to touch him.

Although…. The drow was clearly interested in him, and he would be foolish not to use the opportunity to his advantage. Cas had asked him to hunt, and dinner was practically parading himself in front of him on a silver platter.

All he had to do was grit his teeth and… do whatever the drow wanted. Technically, what Cas wanted as well. Bile rose in his throat and he swallowed it down as he plastered a smile on his face.

He had to do it. He didn’t have a choice.

If Cas and Wyll walked out now, the drow would spot them. And if he had half a brain, he would recognize that they didn’t belong anywhere near the torture cell. Their entire plan could be ruined if this drow decided to sound the alarm.

Astarion pushed himself off the wall, letting his shoulder lightly brush against the drow’s chest as he passed. “I could say the same about you,” Astarion replied, giving the same rakish grin he used to lure countless victims into Cazador’s clutches.

The drow turned his back to the corridor as Astarion wandered closer to the main chamber. Astarion glanced over his shoulder as he rested his forearms on a balustrade that overlooked the central altar and nodded for the other man to join him.

The location allowed him to be close enough to watch the corridor, but positioned in such a way the drow would have to turn around completely to see anything coming from that direction. It wasn’t an ideal scenario, but it was the best he could do without drawing the drow’s suspicion.

The half-baked plan seemed to work, because the drow followed him without a beat of hesitation. He settled himself beside Astarion, close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from his body and hear the quick pulse fluttering beneath his skin.

“Was the party not to your liking?” the drow asked, an amiable smile on his full lips. “I was disappointed to see you leave so quickly.”

It was all too easy for Astarion to fall into his role of playing the rake. Charming and seducing. A familiar sense of numbness coursed through him as he looked at the drow without really seeing him.

Astarion shifted just enough to touch the drow’s arm with his own. “I would have loved to have stayed,” he said and looked up at him through his lashes. “The party is one thing, but I think I much prefer something more quiet and intimate. Wouldn’t you agree?”

The drow gave a low hum of agreement. “In that case, I’m glad that I could get you alone for a moment.” He covered Astarion’s forearm lightly with his large hand. “I’m also glad I found you when I did before that hag got her hands on you. I would have been most disappointed.”

“Trust me,” Astarion replied. “I have no intentions of going near that goblin priestess until she puts the fire out.”

With a small shake of his head, the drow chuckled. “I wasn’t talking about Priestess Gut,” he said. “I meant the skinny wood elf you walked in with.”

A flare of indignation sliced through him, shattering the numbness that had barely taken root.

Normally, such a comment would have made Astarion laugh. It still would have, if it had been about anyone other than Cas.

“The likes of her are so far beneath you,” the drow stupidly continued. “She saw you looking at me and —” he snapped his fingers “— suddenly she was all over you. Pathetic, really.”

Wait. She was? He tried to think back to the courtyard, but it all seemed to blur together.

The idea of Cas getting jealous of him appealed to him in some strange way. Like it was a confirmation that she wanted him for more than just the pleasure that he could provide. Or — the paranoid part of his mind interjected — she simply wanted to have him all to herself. To trap him, bind him to her, the same way he had been bound to another for centuries.

Astarion glanced at his nails in an attempt to appear indifferent. “She’s touchy with everyone. I hardly even noticed.”

“Figures. Typical wood elf.”

“What ever could you mean by that, darling?” Astarion knew damn well what the drow meant, but playing dumb usually worked in his favor when trying to seduce a target. Especially with cocky men looking for someone to stroke their ego, and the drow seemed to fit the bill.

The drow shrugged and gave Astarion a wicked smile, as if they were in on some joke together. “I mean they get around,” he said. “That being said, I’m sure she won’t mind if I steal you away for a bit. She has two other men to entertain her after all.”

The drow’s words shouldn’t have bothered him, but tension coiled within him anyways. Though an anonymous elf’s opinion was ultimately meaningless, an insult to Cas felt like an insult to him.

Little did the drow know, he had just dug his own grave.

“What do you say to heading back out to the party? I’d love to have a drink with you,” the drow said, his voice low as his hand rested on Astarion’s forearm.

Then the passing of two shadows in the corridor caught his attention. Astarion averted eyes from the drow just long enough to spy Wyll and Cas as they emerged around the corner.

Steaks of blood stained Cas’s sleeve from her elbow to her wrist, but she didn’t appear to be in any pain. Hopefully, that meant the blood didn’t belong to her.

As much as Astarion enjoyed Cas’s blood, he much preferred it when it was in her body or in his mouth. Anywhere else was a cause for concern.

Wyll whispered something to Cas as he pointed to her sleeve, the blood prominent in the torchlight. Cas frowned and tried to quickly hide the stain, but didn’t have anything on hand that would work.

Without a word, Wyll shrugged off his cloak and draped it over Cas’s shoulders, wrapping his arm around her as he did. Then she smiled at Wyll, something soft and earnest, and said something that Astarion could not hear.

He didn’t need to hear it. The sight of Wyll’s arm around Cas, how she looked at him without bothering to step out of his touch, was enough to make Astarion’s stomach churn.

Wood elves got around indeed.

When she finally catch his gaze, her eyes widened for just a moment before they drifted downward to where the mercifully oblivious drow still had his hand on Astarion’s sleeve. A flash of something crossed her face. Something he couldn’t identify. Before he could scrutinize any further, she schooled her features into something like indifference.

Hiding her bloodied sleeve under the cloak, she turned back to Wyll and led them both toward the temple exit without a backwards glance.

A warm hand covered his, snapping Astarion’s attention back to the drow. “Or if you don’t want to go back to the party, I wouldn’t mind having a drink somewhere a little more private.”

The honeyed words only stirred the fetid stew of disgust, jealousy, disappointment, and contempt that roiled in his gut. Once again, Astarion swallowed down the emotions like he had so many times before.

There was no question in his mind that the drow wouldn’t survive the night. Not after what he had said about Cas. Even though Cas had gone galavanting off with Wyll, leaving Astarion alone in a temple surrounded by the enemy, he still felt obligated to fulfill her request. Hell, that was probably the reason why she had left. She had seen him with the drow and just assumed he was following her orders like a faithful pup.

No matter. Cas’s request aside, killing the drow seemed like it would be fun. There were far worse ways he could spend his evening.

Astarion turned so he and the drow were face to face, close enough that he could feel the man’s breath on his skin. “I’d love the chance to have a moment alone with you, darling,” Astarion said, using a sultry and eager tone that he knew worked well on so many. “You have a place in mind?”

The drow smiled at him and placed a hand on Astarion’s hip. “I think I know just the right spot.”

---

Beginning

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

[avatarmerida]

Some fluff please cause thanks to them have killed me ;____;

“Hey, what’re all these papers on the couch?” Luz asked as she made her way down to the boys’ room.

“Oh, nothing really,” said Hunter from the sewing machine. “Just some doodles and sketches I made while I was reading last night. You can just move them over.”

“Oh cool you drew some fan art?” asked Luz utterly delighted as she carefully moved them aside so she wouldn’t sit on them. “Is it okay if I look through them?”

“Go ahead!” Hunter replied happily. “Let me know if you have any questions. I just finished chapter 14 and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it!

“Oh, that’s the one with the volcano right?” Luz said, remembering how her dad would read the books to her when she was little. She flipped though Hunter’s interpretations of O’Bailey’s disguise as he infiltrated the lost planet. “It’s been awhile since I’ve read them, but I remember him and Ivy have some pretty great moments.”

“I know!” Hunter agreed enthusiastically, trying not to take his eyes off the needle. “She’s so awesome; I really liked when they teamed up. I drew a recreation of them navigating the jungle and I think the shading on that one is actually quite impressive.”

“Oh, yeah it’s right here,” said Luz, admiring the attention to detail. “Right next to... a drawing of you and Willow kissing?”

“What? Ow!” distracted, Hunter pricked himself with the machine’s needle. He applied pressure to the small wound and ran over to see what Luz was referring to. “What are you talking about? There’s not-.”

“Dude.” Luz said plainly as she turned Hunter’s own artwork back to him, raising her eyebrows and offering him a mischievous grin. Sure enough, the evidence was pretty damning.

“Whaaaat?” Hunter sputtered. “That’s obviously supposed to be O’Bailey and Ivy after they found the moonstone.”

“Well, maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be,” teased Luz. “But that’s not what I’m seeing here.”

“Oh, please,” Hunter scoffed, starting to sweat for some reason. “O’Bailey is way taller than me a-a-and Willow’s hair is longer than Ivy’s and she doesn’t even have a dress like that... she doesn’t have a dress like that, does she?”

“Hunter it’s okay if you-.”

“I mean, that’s so random that you would think that,” Hunter forcefully laughed as he rose from his seat and started to pace. “Hilarious, actually. I mean, do Willow and Ivy share certain similarities? Yes. Do I admire and respect them? Absolutely. Are they both beautiful and strong? Of course. But that’s really where the comparison ends.”

Luz gave Hunter a look that made it clear she was not convinced.

“Okay okay, it’s probably just because you’re not as familiar with the series,” Hunter bargained. “Any true fan of Cosmic Frontier would easily be able to see this for what it is.”

“Ok sure,” Luz humored him. “Hey Gus! Can you come down here for a second?”

Quickly, Gus made his way down the stairs happily answering Luz’s call. “What’s up?”

Luz presented the drawing to Gus. “Is this or is this not a drawing of Hunter and Willow?”

“Oh it definitely is.”

“Well, you can’t word it like that!” exclaimed Hunter desperately. “That’s leading the witness!”

“Is this a trial?” asked Gus confused.

“Let’s ask Camila, she’s a true fan she’ll know exactly the scene this is depicting,” said Hunter determined, taking the drawing from Luz before running up the stairs. Luz and Gus followed behind, sharing a knowing look. “C’mon!”

They found Camila sitting in the kitchen, working on her laptop as she enjoyed a cup of tea. Hunter frantically slammed the picture on the table in front of her with no explanation but her eyes lit up when she saw what it was.

“Oh mijo, what a cute drawing!” she said with a wide smile, holding it up.

“So, you can clearly tell what it’s a drawing of then?” Hunter said smugly, crossing his arms and giving his friends a victorious smirk.

“Oh, it’s you and Willow dressed as O’Bailey and Ivy!” she gushed. “Oh, esto es tan lindo que quiero ponerlo en un marco.”

Hunter’s look of victory evaporated as he scooped up the drawing and walked out of the kitchen, mumbling something under his breath as he stomped back down to the basement. Luz and Gus burst out laughing

“I don’t know why he’s so upset,” Camila said confused as she sipped her tea. “The shading was really nice, he should be proud of it.”

———

Later that day, Willow was sitting at the kitchen table organizing her scrapbook when Flapjack flew into the room and sat beside her.

“Oh hey bud,” she said, giving him a gentle pat on the head. “What’re you up to?”

Flapjack chirped in response and hopped onto the he ground, promoting Willow to follow him. She obliged, getting up to follow him as he lead her around the corner to a waste paper basket. She seemed skeptic, but Flapjack chirped even louder to confirm this was where he meant to go. Willow leaned down and saw there was a single piece of crumpled paper inside and cautiously and carefully unfolded it to see what all the fuss was the about.

She couldn’t help but smile as she held the paper to her chest and she ran into living room where the rest of the group was hanging out.

“Hey, who threw away this cute drawing of me and Hunter kissing?”

[writingquestionsanswered]

Help! I am writing a third person same-sex relationship that is the main pairing. The problem is that every time I write "she" or "her" it's difficult to discern who I am talking about when both of them are in the same scene together. I am trying to use descriptors like "the blonde" or "younger one" but it's feeling a bit repetitive. Any helpful tips?

Confusion in Scene with Two People, Same Pronouns

When you have two, pronoun-sharing people, doing something together in a scene, there are only so many things you can do to clarify things. And, to be honest, resorting to things like "the blonde" and "the younger one" only works in very specific situations. You also don't want to rely too much on using names.

So, what you have to do look at all the different things you can do, then alternate through as many as you can (not in any particular order) so you get variety and eliminate the overuse of any one method.

1 - Watch Out for the Dreaded "Laundry List" - The number one reason it feels there are too many pronouns in a scene is that the scene is more a "laundry list" of actions than a scene with movement, dialogue, description, and explanation.

Kim sat down beside Sarah. Sarah smiled. Kim handed her a soda. She opened it and took a sip. She opened her own soda.

It's no wonder it gets confusing fast. But see what happens when we add movement, dialogue, description, and explanation:

Sarah smiled as Kim sat down on the bench beside her. The sun had clambered out from behind the clouds, and though it wasn't hot, Sarah's throat was parched.

"Here," Kim said, handing her a soda.

She dug her finger under the thumb tab and pulled up with a satisfying click, followed by the crackle of fizz. "Oh... this is so good. I didn't realize how much I needed this."

Kim opened her own soda and took a swig, which was followed by a smile and a satisfied sigh. "Same."

See how much less noticeable the name and pronoun use is when there's more going on?

2 - Watch Out for Over Tagging - The second biggest reason people feel they're using too many names and pronouns is because they're over tagging dialogue. I tackle that issue here: Avoiding Repetition with Dialogue Tags

3 - Be Wary of Substitutes - You had mentioned resorting to things like "the blond one" or "the younger one" as an alternative to names and pronouns, but this is almost never a good idea. The only time it makes sense is when the character doesn't know the name of the character, in which case a substitute name makes sense. But, see what happens when we do it here:

Sarah smiled as Kim sat down on the bench beside her. The sun had clambered out from behind the clouds, and though it wasn't hot, the young one's throat was parched.

Now the reader is thinking... huh? Who is the young one? Do they suddenly have a child with them?

All it does is confuse things.

Now, let's say an unfamiliar woman and a girl came over to Sarah and Kim's picnic table and asked if they had any sunblock they could borrow:

The woman waited patiently as the young one clung to her hand, a shy smile on her face.

Here the nicknames make sense because we don't know their names and probably don't need to know them.

I hope that helps! :)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[dk-wren]

Buddy Daddies Week - Ep. 5-8 Rewatch

Welcome to Day 4 of my Buddy Daddies anniversary week! For today, I continue my rewatch of the series and present to you some of my thoughts from episodes 5-8! Enjoy!

No notes, only matching side-eye

Can I just give some credit to Miri? Because even though it was quite reckless of her to secretly follow Kazuki and she more or less got lost, Miri was able to retrace her steps to a certain extent back to Yadorigi

Also, sorry if I was slow on this, but when Kazuki is looking for Miri at the park, the little girl he thinks is Miri is wearing a similar orange sweater. However, during this day, Miri is seen wearing her green sweater, which I feel just goes to show how little sleep Kazuki was running off of

Why did Kyutaro open the door right after Ogino left? He clearly was not expecting Miri, so was he expecting trouble from Ogino? Also, what would have happened if Rei took care of Miri in their apartment and Kazuki was still at Yadorigi when Ogino arrived? What then?!

Like I wrote during my ep. 4 thoughts, this moment of the music instantly cutting for when Kyutaro tells Miri what Rei’s job is always cracks me up. Perhaps it is partially due to pacing, but it's just the sudden shift in Kyutaro giving a lengthy explanation into Kazuki’s job, with accompanying music, to him flat out saying “Middle Eastern Oil Baron” and no further explanation is given (besides Miri’s confused reaction)

“You really like them?” I don’t know why exactly, but I’ve always read this line not as Kyutaro being curious and trying to get more answers from Miri, but just outright judgmental. Like Kyutaro is trying to remain polite and neutral by using “them” instead of “fools” or “idiots”

When watching the ending scene beforehand, when Kyutaro says to Rei that he of all people should know what the consequences are for betraying the organization, I always interpreted this to mean Rei had suffered some of those consequences while growing up and after he originally left the organization. But after this rewatch, I’m starting to wonder if it is because he might have had a role in handing out those consequences (as seen in ep. 8)?

ZOO EPISODE!!!

The banter during the end of the opening scene is so funny. Rei’s telling Kazuki to do his best and he’s gonna do just fine taking care of Miri and Kazuki’s first like, aw, thanks for the compliment, and then instantly realizes and turns around to tell Rei he better help out too

Miri did not need to stick her tongue out at Kazuki but she did, and that was absolutely the final straw that broke Kazuki

Again, gotta give credit to Hinata and Kotori cause they easily could have stayed behind with the rest of the class, but immediately decided to stick with Miri and look after her

Another reason to use these screenshots that I have saved? Yes I will take advantage of this opportunity to share them again

For me it’s the fact that Rei and Kazuki could have easily hidden behind one of the trees to keep a close eye on Miri and her friends, yet (I’m assuming Kazuki) decided no, they are going to cram into one of the small playhouses. Both of them are!

I don’t necessarily know if this is the first time, but I appreciate how after seeing Miri on her own with her friends, Rei and Kazuki can have a more or less serious talk, at least one without teasing each other

I know Kazuki is more than a little fed up with Rei and the amount he helps out with Miri/around the house, but I appreciate how Kazuki doesn’t really fight back or argue with Rei when he says that he is trying his best. I know it’s been pointed out before, but it really just goes to show how much Kazuki acknowledges that Rei is trying, even if Kazuki's expectations are a bit higher

I know this isn’t the point of the scene, but LOOK AT MIRI! LOOK AT THE WAY SHE’S HOLDING ONTO REI! LOOK AT THE WAY SHE’S LOOKING AT REI! There is nothing but love in those eyes.

I don’t actually know how true this is, but growing up, my mom would always tell me that I had to blow dry my hair really well so I wouldn’t get sick. So a) it was sorta funny to see that come up in this episode, and b) I love how towards the beginning of the episode, when Miri announces she finished in the bathroom, Kazuki asks if she dried her hair well, while here, you can clearly tell her hair is still wet and Miri is sick the following morning. I know she had been out in the rain (which is another thing I was told by parents, if I stayed out in the rain too long or got too wet/cold I’d get sick), but it was funny seeing this small, potential connection.

Maybe it’s just my imagination, but the attention to detail of Miri progressively getting redder (i.e. hotter) as events escalates. Incredible!

Kazuki’s line at Yuzuko’s grave, “Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten” is so freaking loaded! “I haven’t forgotten” can be interpreted in so many ways, two of which being he didn’t forget to come visit her and he didn’t forget what he did (and why he’s unwilling to allow himself to change)

Every time I watch this scene, my mind goes back to one of my high school English teachers talking about weather symbolism in Shakespeare. And my mind just goes rain!!! Sadness, grief, ah it’s all connected. (And then the sun comes out when Kazuki has the epiphany he can change/be happy without forgetting Yuzuko?!)

Can I please add to the echo chamber of how soft Rei looks with his hand protectively over Miri’s?! This is where Rei belongs! Not with the organization and certainly not with his father!

And now we begin with the Rei focused episode

So you’re telling me…Rei walked all the way from their apartment to the mansion? That is definitely one way to prove his stamina and willpower to the Boss.

I cannot get over Kazuki and Miri’s coordinating outfits! So cute!

Could just be the framing, but with the audience getting to know Rei as he opens up more emotionally and in accepting his role as co-papa to Miri, I love how there is the slightest change in facial expressions (such as Rei’s eyes widening in shock) that the audience can pick up on, but for Shigeki, and being so unattached and uninvolved in Rei’s life (which given their background together, isn’t necessarily a bad thing), it takes some time for him to notice the change in Rei’s attitude

Random thought that keeps me up at night: what was the last straw for Rei? What made him finally say “no more” and run away? Were their previous attempts? And why do I have a full story in my head as to what led up to Rei running away, but probably won’t have the time to write out?

During their phone call, I like to think Rei isn’t really responding to Kazuki’s questions because he doesn’t want to think about their implications or have to think any longer about his father’s demands, along with just wanting to hear the voice of his daughter and partner. He’s in a place that is likely filled with countless memories of pain and trauma, and yet he cannot fully escape it yet. So, even though we see Rei still wearing more of a frown, I bet it’s comforting to hear the voices of the two people he loves the most (oops don’t tell Shigeki that) while there alone.

In a pretty twisted way, it’s crazy how Satoru is the man that both taught Rei how to be an assassin while growing up and kinda the man to teach Rei that he can fight to protect the ones he loved

Moment of appreciation for the sound design of this moment, like come on! Satoru’s final words, along with a sort of rushing wind sound to convey the fall, Rei’s gasp followed by a moment of silence before hearing the impact, followed by a few more seconds of silence. So effective in my opinion!

And now, let me gush over the symbolism of this image! Rei facing the city/city lights, but distinctly separated from it, like how he was raised at Suwa Manor and likely only got a taste of normal life after leaving or when Kazuki entered his life, causing him to still feel like an outside. The distance between Rei and the city because of the water creating a clear separation, really reminds me of the metaphor Rei brings up in ep. 11 about being a boy looking through the window looking at something he thought he would never get. And the fact that his back is turned toward the light, as if admitting his defeat and that he belongs with his father in the darkness of that world. And later, Kazuki comes in their car, bringing even more light into Rei’s world, and pulling him into it.

Another detail that I just love, on the table full of food, there’s two bottles of drinks: one being a wine, presumably for Rei and Kazuki, and another bottle of what I presumed to be apple cider. That way, Miri gets to be a part of the fun and have a bubbly drink too.

And what a cute ending with Rei blowing out the candles, followed by the credits, and that’s it, no post-credit scene

I know today was another lengthy post, so I appreciate your support and time reading it!

We're halfway through the week and I cannot wait to share what I have planned for the next three days, especially tomorrow if all goes according to plan!

-Dakota Wren

[petrichoraline]

We Are Ep.2 thoughts in chronological order

what peem did in the car trying to convince phum to part their ways is what the youth calls ✨a yap sesh✨ (he tried ig) (this is what this post is as well)

we're probably never seeing phum use those things he bought ever, he'll just keep hanging around in his engineer shirt

peem has so many ppl ready to square up for him including his auntie and he is recognised by tan as someone who loves his friends very much (which makes the fact tan has sold him away for time with his crush TWICE even worse lmao)

i don't really get phum's insistence on not telling anyone about being phum's "slave", not even tan who got him into the mess or his best friend but it's just his ego ig (aside from plot reasons)

i find pun more relatable now - tags along for the funsies and gets happy around fire

not convinced the beans and pork scene wasn't an ad but im not sure how cause i didn't clock any labels

the scene where peem brings in food and laughs with q feels like improv or breaking left in lol

fai missing cause of upset stomach might be some sort of foreshadowing and i'm a bit worried bout her

the professor is handsome <3 and could pas off as chimon's sibling in a show

q absorbing those noodles was very satisfying idek why lol

peem and q's friendship is in the background but the show still constantly makes it a point that they are really good and loyal best friends

i thought "oh theyre gonna make the sharing food a thing in the future" so when boys showed up i was like "ah, we're doing it immediately? bit boring" but then he didn't share!! joey never shares food!! i think he will in the future though, him being a foodie is a constant thing so i'm guessing we're using it as a sign of compromise in the name of love or smth

satang playing this type of character felt a bit much in the first episode but i think he's getting more comfortable with the role as the show progresses and it look more natural; i'm glad his character isn't the googly eyed mentee and he actually teases a lot and snaps back but knows when to stop playing because q isn't the most patient person. (matt having to jump in like "bro he's serious" was so funny cause i hadn't clocked that either hahah)

the way we can see q flustered at certain points but seemingly unbothered at others is fun because his reactions aren't entirely predictable at this stage as we're still getting to know him. also it's mad cute when he clearly doesn't know what to do with himself

idk how he hasn't asked toey bout why he's in art yet, ig they're just now starting to properly get to know each other

toey took one look at q's back and decided "that's a cool ass aura to base my entire future around!" and tbh that's very young adult of him

q regularly asking about peem's work being submitted, he's honestyly worried <3

the way i cheered for peem burping in phum's face and then went "oh he came back :(" bahah

phum is definitely already planning his day and schedule around peem, i don't think he'd ever tell his friends because he wants to actually keep it going so one of the reasons is to not run into his faculty friends including tan and the second is to have lunch with his unconscious crush AND I AM VERY HAPPY WITH THIS STUPIDITY

thought peem could overhear the convo behind the car and realise what he was exchanged for but nope, he just dipped; i think that might be a plot point for later

phum not knowing tan has a crush on fang is so weird cause he genuinely acted like he knew while taunting tan, i don't have an explanation for that

fang is their p'!! i was so conviced he was the little brother, ig because of his big round eyes and the way phum acted all protective (that just makes phum cuter tbh)

what is the age difference between bar owner and prof cause i ship it

it took me a bit to realise the nongs were there instead of the full arts gang and i was glad to see toey and q together (also the green sweater is beautiful on toey, hope it makes a comeback)

i was ready to believe fang had some sort of falling out with tan with the way he treated him but tan beaming and enjoying a dreadful setting (no talking, awkward sitting around in a bar with mid music and alcohol) shows that man is glowing just from being in fang's presence (i hope he reaches ridiculous levels of lame for him)

i was screeching when i realised where things were going with wasted peem and seeing him n the bench outside had me exctaticcc (ofc he didnt book a taxi. and ofc they cant just order one for him noww could they)

phum cockblocks but he kinda has to cause there's no reason for fang to be there otherwise; once the ridiculous proposition of him taking peem home comes up he doesn't really fight it at all - he wants to be with peem, sure, but i think he's also pretty okay with tan and fang being a thing

the way i was screaming "just buy the flowers rich boy!!! he wants to go home" and then the kid went to get more lol

ofc he couldnt just leave the flowers in the backseat, peem just has to have them in his lap.. and the seatbelt scene was so predictable but it's too much of a classic with all "figuring things out" parts of a romance that i can't complain

it makes absolutely zero sense aside from people liking people (cause fang knows what he's doing too) that phum would drive peem to his house - a place where tan has sleepovers at all the time and phum hasn't been to before. fang is his brother and they can sleep at the same place as well even if they don't live together but nope. also THAT CAR HAS EMPTY BACKSEATS, if phum wanted to he would've forced them to ride with him to keep an eye on tan

fang is probably planning to launch a big revenge attack on peem and that'd be so funny, those four can get way too entangled, i could get DRAMA out of their plans and schemes (this show is more hidden agenda than hidden agenda was)

tan's energy with fang reminds me of the duracell bunny lmao it's late at night and they've had a few drinks but his mind and body are all focusedon wooing fang (who is playing nonchalant but has probably had a crush on tan as well)

also no way he was just gonna leave tan on the street lol

toey and q aleady work so well together, toey knows his effect on q more or less and q doesn't shy away from being at least a bit vulnerable as of rn; i think they can be one of the best if not the best couple if they have a proper storyline; im certainly enjoying it the more than i thought i would

the fake blush on both toey and peem is ridiculous esp up close but ig they're cartoonishly drnk anyways

auntie took note and now doesn't do facemasks at night, otherwise it would've been an amazing first meeting

"he likes to whine" and she's the one who can't leave the room from complaining sm lol auntie is so cute

ahh, the mandatory "a look around the room shows me you're truly passionate about what you do and you're deeper than i thought" scene..thankfully he didn't mutter "you like painting this much, huh" to nobody cause i was ready to yell HES AN ARTS MAJOR like he kicked you in the balls for a reason doofus

theyre giving us so many closeups of these two and i keep thinking "this is so drama/y im embarrassed" but i have no shame, if it's fun it's fun (and it's pondphuwin, youre not gonna hear me complain about looking at pond's face for too long or from too close)

reaching out to touch his face was a bold choice thoughh i lost it

man down badd man down baddd he was called an asshole and started gleaming like a light bulb

[drdemonprince]

my kink: extreme body-shaming that's unrealistic to the point that it's pretty much gaslighting, especially when it's repeated/long-term, as either the dom or the sub. before realizing that this could be a sexual interest, i fully thought that i just had a weird fascination with bullying scenes, which as you can imagine was pretty confusing and stressful. i haven't had similar irl experiences (traumatic or otherwise), so i have no explanation for having this kink besides the ambient cruelty of beauty standards in The Media/fiction and my (younger) mind's inability to make sense of them as social norms. as an adult, i've had a lot of conversations and done a lot of reading to try to understand the real-life systems of oppression, gender roles, etc., behind these dynamics, and that's important to me for a lot of (non-kink-related) reasons -- but i still don't get why i personally would be so into this. i guess it's something where you have to accept that there's no "logical explanation" and carry on. i don't think i'd want to try this irl since there has to be a certain emotional distance for the dynamic to appeal to me, and that distance generally doesn't exist for me when there's another real person involved. but it might work for me under the right circumstances, who knows. it's definitely something that'd be complicated to negotiate, though not impossible. as a previous anon said, thanks for the opportunity to share!

thanks for sharing anon! degradation about the exact things that scare us or hurt us the most can be SO hot and such a pressure release valve at times. its touchy and can backfire for sure, but it can also be so so hottt

[taylortruther]

I did read the post but I mostly focused on the part about these stories all being connected to taylor’s life. as soon as I heard invisible string, it became clear that some songs were pretty autobiographical. in fact, I’ll go ahead and say that the true fictional songs on folklore are few and far in between. some songs (mtr, mirrorball) use extended metaphors, but that isn’t really fiction to me? like you can’t convince me there’s anything specific enough about exile for it to be made up entirely. i do vividly remember trying to explain away hoax bc I didn’t buy the masters explanation (felt too romantic) or the multiple muses explanation (bc wtf? was very surprised when that turned out to be right). I had some very meta theories about it that I ultimately discarded after five minutes of thinking lol

mmm i see what you're saying here, and i've seen this opinion throughout the fandom as well. you did not ask for my thoughts on fiction vs metaphor, but here i go lmao. personally, i think both fiction and extended metaphor are clearly present in folklore. i think some people (not saying you, anon, just sharing a general observation) think fiction means complete separation from one's self, and i don't think that's ever true. fiction can still be extremely confessional, especially with a songwriter like taylor who openly admits to processing her own feelings via writing.

so for example, exile, to me, easily reads as fiction (although i hear what you're saying about lack of specificity.) i have no reason to believe joe ever saw taylor wrapped up in some other man's arms; i do have reason to believe they might've been processing some conflict in their own relationship, and this came out. so maybe this is why it reads as mere metaphor, but i think it's still obviously fiction.

like, i think a lot of songwriters write autobiographical songs, they're just not specific about it. and taylor's specificity is a trademark of hers, but it's not necessary to delineate fiction from metaphor. i think we got spoiled by it in some cases lmao. florence welch writes about her own life in pretty stark terms, but she writes almost EVERYTHING in metaphor, and she creates worlds of imagery that obfuscate some of the personal. learning that florence has struggled with relationships would not surprise you, if you read her lyrics, even though we do not know all the shit she's gone through with partners in the past (king is probably one of her most specific songs, imo.)

kinda like how when my best friend and i had a rough patch in our friendship (because she felt left behind because i was dating someone), i was writing lots of stories about guilt, betrayal, loss, defiance, 'us vs them,' etc. - she wasn't a character in the stories/scenes i was writing, but she was absolutely present.

OK BYE SORRY THIS WAS LONG

[anna-the-undertaker]

Mirrored Reflections

Notes: This is my exploration of darker/mature themes in regards to Obey Me as the characters are literal demons, and it is not, particularly a "Childs" game. I've been sitting on this idea for a while and thought I might share it here. I've been a part of this fandom for some time now, and the game describes the MC as, I guess you could say, innocent. Other writers on this platform usually keep the descriptions broad so that all fans can enjoy them. I want to get a bit more specific and explore the possibility of an MC who has not only "sinned" or done wrong but who went through the same trauma as the brothers, but with a bit of a twist. I can't promise this will turn out to be any good, though.

This was written under the impression that MC had already built close relationships with the brothers with some implied MC X Mammon

SPOILERS this takes place during chapter 16 so if you haven't made it to this point and don't want to know what happens yet, keep scrolling.

MC uses she/her pronouns since those are the ones I am most experienced and comfortable writing with.

A warning before you continue. There will be descriptions of child abuse/child death and violent acts, mentions of blood, murder, and other mature topics. If you are not comfortable with these, please KEEP SCROLLING!

She watched the scene unfold from her vantage point on the stairs with a numb expression;

Mammon cradled her lifeless body in his arms as he sobbed, pleading for her not to close her eyes and to keep looking at him, snarling when his older brother tried to pull him away. Lucifer's usually stoic features twisted into what she could only describe as shock and grief, his hands clenched at his sides. Levi's eyes were wide with fear as he looked on from behind his brothers, paralyzed and unable to move or look away. Asmo's beautiful features were tainted by his sobbing, his face quickly being hidden in his hands. Beel's eyes stung with tears, memories of his sister flooding his mind, unable and almost unwilling to believe his twin had done such a thing after everything they had been through. Satan's barely contained rage as he fought against Beel's hold as soon as his arms wrapped around him, trying his damnedest to lung toward her murderer. Her eyes drifted toward the demon in question. Belphegor's head was tilted back as his laughter bounced off the walls, shaking her to the core.

The words he spoke to his brothers barely registered with her before her attention was torn from him again when Levi and Asmo noticed her. Each of them was stunned, confused as to what was happening. Mammon gasped and she saw that her other body had begun to fade. As if it had never existed. She wondered if this was why Barbatos had sent her here.

The timeline was realigning itself.

Her appearance at this moment, however, was Lilith's influence she realized and brought her eyes back to Belphegor, more of the woman's words coming back to the forefront of her mind.

"Save them... you are the only one who can."

She guessed she would have to start with him. She would have to unearth everything she had tried so hard to keep hidden because she saw herself heavily reflected in him. Her killer.

Time seemed to move too slowly and too fast after that with the appearance of Lord Diavolo and Barbatos. The explanation of her survival, the revelation that she was Lilith's descendant, that being the reason why the brothers had been so drawn to her.

Belphegor was shocked himself, enraged even, and she was moving before she even realized it.

The avatar of greed tried to stop her but she looked at him reassuringly, "I will be fine Mammon. Just trust me."

He remained silent and stayed close to her side, following her until she was a few feet away from his little brother.

The avatar of sloth refused to look at her, his mind still wrapped in some blood-crazed state. His blood lust still poured off of him in waves.

"Belphegor, look at me," She began cautiously.

His eyes cut to her sharply and she could see all of the pain that was fueling his rage.

"I understand what you are going through. What you all have gone through. The pain that you all carry with you from all that you have lost but killing me wouldn't have had those around you acknowledge your pain or the guilt you feel. Vengeance does not dull pain. It sustains it. I would know."

He cut her off, "Do not act as if you know me! What you understand would barely fill a thimble, human!"

"I do understand because I have lived it!" She screamed back at him. "My father was an abusive drunkard. He beat me and my mother, and when she died giving birth to my little sister it got worse! He blamed her for our mother's death and I had to protect her! I suffered broken bones and bruises and so much more so she wouldn't have to! I was eight years old and raising her!"

Her voice grew quiet, breaking slightly as she continued, her emotions straining in her throat, "Then when she was four years old, I hadn't been in the house like I should have been. I thought it would have been safe to finish my chores because our father was passed out drunk. But I was wrong. She screamed for me... but I wasn't fast enough. By the time I got back in the house, he had already killed her. His hands were still around her throat. I grabbed the closest thing to me, which happened to be a heavy vase my mother had bought when she was alive and smashed it over his head. And I didn't stop stabbing the jagged pieces into him... even after he had stopped moving. Even after he was no longer recognizable."

She looked down at her hands, "I can still see and feel it all. I can still see the dark bruises and blue lips on my sister's cold, lifeless body as I held her. I can still hear her screams ringing in my ears. I can still feel that bastard's blood all over me. I can still taste and smell it all. I can still feel the rage coursing through my veins. Any family I had left wanted nothing to do with me because they were afraid that I would snap again. I was twelve years old, and I had no one. I lost everything. My reason for living. My home. Even myself."

When she looked back up at him he was staring down at her with wide eyes.

"The difference between us is that I killed the man that took her from me, but all I was left with was nothing but an empty void within me. You still have your family. Your brothers. A home. Do not treat them as if they are nothing. Do not discard them so easily. Hurting them will not help you heal."

She turned from him, no longer able to stop the shaking that had begun wracking her body, and pressed herself into Mammon's chest. She could feel her mind begin to close in on itself.

His arms wrapped around her protectively, still glaring daggers at Belphegor even as he processed what all she had just confessed.

His brothers were staring down at their feet, unsure of what they should do or say.

Lucifer was dumbfounded. Why hadn't this been in her file? He looked over at Lord Diavolo, and he nodded in confirmation. It was true.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Beel asked quietly.

Her voice was slightly muffled, "Its not something I've spoken of with anyone else. No one knows besides my government appointed therapists and the few family members that are still alive. It was wiped from my record shortly after the trial because I was a minor, and it had been ruled as self-defense. I didn’t say anything because I was brought here to represent the entirety of humanity, and I didn't want it to cause an issue. Plus... It's extremely personal and an event that has harmed me so deeply that it's hard to even talk about it now."

"Did you know of this Lord Diavolo?" Satan asked.

He sighed, "I did. We learned of it when we learned of her connection to Lilith. I decided against mentioning it because, as MC said, it is a deeply personal matter, and only she should be the one to share it."

Mc's breath started coming quicker and quicker as her mind spiraled. The full brunt of the events that had transpired finally settled within her. The phantom touch of cold, thin fingers around her throat and the ache of the impact. Her skull began pounding.

She needed to be away from everyone and especially Belphegor, but she didn’t want to be alone either.

"Mammon..." she panted, fingers curling further into his jacket.

His eyes snapped to her in an instant

"I need to get out of here."

Without another word, he picked her up. Her arms and legs wrapped around him as he placed a hand on the back of her head, hiding her face in the crook of his neck and taking her back to his room.

They weren't seen for the rest of the day.

[animehouse-moe]

Undead Girl Murder Farce Episode 1: Oni Slayer

What do you get when you cross an incredibly weird manga with the director/creative visionary behind the Love Is War anime adaptation? Well, if the answer wasn't obvious, you get something incredibly creative, weird, and cool. Lapin Track might not be a studio people really know the name of, but between the creator of this story, and the director of this anime, they certainly want to leave a lasting impression on anybody that takes a chance with this story. And they've absolutely left me with a mountain of stuff to talk about.

The short of it though? Watch this show, right now if you haven't already.

Where to even begin? I think the introduction of the setting for the world is a little low effort, but I do really like the direction of the actual pieces between it. There's an incredible amount of creative and incredibly unique cuts right from the start that lets viewers know they're in for a ride. Just take a look at this blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment.

But yeah, Undead Girl Murder Farce takes very little time to live up to its name, both in terms of visuals and story, as we follow around our hybrid Oni lead character Tsugaru. Right away, his character grabs you with his over the top but equally lax nature that's all about showing off and having some fun.

Of course, his character isn't purely fun and lazy, there's a deeper past to him as well, and they showcase that very early on through his vice of drinking. Very effective and simple, it doesn't try to claw anything out of viewers, but rather add just a bit of an explanation to his character. And of course, it does it in style, mirroring the focus on each limb in the present vs his past before bringing him back to reality.

If I were to choose a single theme for this episode, it would be parallel. A monster in a cage, a human on the streets, past and present blurring, harmless creature vs foul beast. An act, or a farce? The entirety of it is mimicry and dichotomies, like Tsugaru mimicking this cat that he protects from a random crowd. And it's incredibly well done.

Alright, I've got to speed this along or I'm going to be here all day. It's good, it's great, it's bold, so on and so forth. What's next? Well, this cool ass fight, of course. Yeah, Lapin Track providing not only good animation, but impressive, creative, and in character direction for a fight scene? I was really just sitting watching this episode with my jaw hanging loose (though this is now my third time through the episode).

There's really not much else to say. The fighting styles and approaches are perfectly in tune with the characters and their thoughts in the moment. They make full use of their surroundings and the tools at their disposal, and you can absolutely tell that Tsugaru is trying to show off while diffusing tension and peaceful disabling his assailant.

God, I wish I could share the whole episode. It's Just. That. Good.

Okay okay, last piece! This parallel during the fight that's meant to depict/explain the combat going on. I swear, this is the last bit from this fight (it's just so good I can't stop myself I'm sorry).

Sadly, I can't, so I have to try to continue trimming my thoughts down, further and further until I can reasonably leave them in a Tumblr post that doesn't go over each and every frame of the episode.

Okay, where to next? We get the reveal that the lady Tsugaru is fighting is just the maid of the only immortal person in the world, and that at this point they're only a head. We also see that this person wants Tsugaru to kill them, which sparks just more incredible scenery that I want to share every second of.

And then of course we start our wandering into town with Tsugaru and our bodiless Immortal Aya, and Lapin Track just refuses to pump the brakes and delivers the best scene from the episode.

Who is man, and who is monster? Who that exists within the confines of the cage is free to leave it with their own will? An absolutely incredible monologue from Tsugaru that exposes his character, morals, and motive, as the neither-man-nor-oni that he exists as. His desire to bring wrath upon the people that watch on and view him as a monster, that indulge in the depravity of his violence, to strike startling fear into their very beings and provide a worthy stage for him to exit on.

It's really incredible how well they weave this story into something that seems so disjointed. How they bring the idea of cages and confines in with things like Aya's birdcage or the chain link fence Tsugaru finds, how his pose and gesturing to the stage that he's created is mimicked atop the bodies that litter the ground as if he were crucified, or how the very notion of looking down on Tsugaru is made visible through this pose.

Anyways, Billy Mays here cause we're not done yet! This episode is the gift that keeps on giving, though this time it's in the form of environment art. So busy and color, but also empty and very selective, it varies wildly within the span of only a minute or two as our characters chatter on about the concept of death and dying, and their desire to live that hangs in the balance.

By some miracle I've made it towards the end of the episode in reasonable time. It's here that Aya finally accepts Tsugaru's proposal of going after Aya's body to return her to normal, and the pair seal this partnership with.... a kiss. Just puts the icing on the cake for how much of a borderline insane episode this is.

And there it is, the first episode of Undead Girl Murder Farce. Finally, an end to the insanity appears in the form of it's ending song. What a wild ride, the idea of two beings that hover between life and death, exist in a world separate of everyone else's, that find each other and embark on a journey of revenge and retribution. There's really a world to this story, and if I were forced to make a comparison? It plays a lot like an action oriented Nisioisin story might. Not quite the same oddities and idiosyncrasies, but through the many layers that characters communicate through with one another, and how they dance around ideas and ideals. Regardless of my poor attempts to explain the episode or to entice people with it though, I really hope you'll find the time to give it a change to grab you.

[only-by-the-stars]

so. I have. some thoughts about TotK.

they're not happy ones.

(behind a cut for spoilers and negativity)

to be clear, the gameplay is mostly fun. that's what's kept me going this far. but... I'm not sure anymore if it can keep carrying me. because this is, honest to god, one of the biggest stinkers of a story I've ever seen in a video game. and I DO NOT say that lightly!!! I have seen some SHIT, okay??? time travel and alternate dimension shenanigans that left me unsure of what the fuck the situation was after the ending, a reveal that the universe was one big MMO... those have stuck in my mind for well over a decade for being just that fucking bad.

and this story isn't just as stupid, no. it's as stupid as those, AND it's INCREDIBLY poorly told. like I cannot stress that enough!!! as of this writing, I have found every single glyph on the world map + the bonus tear that you get for seeing all those + the little bonus scene from getting the Master Sword. they're all numbered in more or less chronological order in the menu, 1-18.

so.

why in god's name am I still missing 11, 14, and 16????????

LIKE

AM I JUST GONNA GET THEM AFTER DOING PLOT-MANDATED EVENTS?

this is deeply fucking terrible!!! at least in those other bad stories I got to watch all the nonsense unfold in linear order, AND! AND AND AND!!! I WAS INVOLVED IN IT, IT WASN'T SOMEONE ELSE'S MEMORIES

and also the writing for Zelda herself is just atrocious and embarrassing, like I'm genuinely cringing here. in the flashbacks she does little aside from stand around and talk, her love for history/science only comes up in the intro, and functions as long-winded exposition, and she unfortunately was handed the Idiot Ball on top of it (not figuring out that Ganondorf was the the Basement Mummy till after he transformed? girl... Urbosa even SAID that CALAMITY GANON was said to have been born as a Gerudo man... why are Nintendo's writers determined to make her look stupid like this???). and in the present time, she's apparently good at everything and everyone loves her (even the unhinged flower lady), and she gets a super special gold horse, and it's just... she's barely a character. she's more like the overpowered OC everyone loves that kids just starting to write come up with.

which is fine at that stage! necessary, even! we all start somewhere, and I am NOT shaming anyone for doing that when they're just starting out. goodness knows I produced my share of embarrassing crap as a baby writer.

but this is a main installment of a major franchise by one of the biggest video game companies, made by paid adult professionals. that is. embarrassing.

and... as far as I've seen/heard from others who have seen more cutscenes than I have (again, this is bullshit, why are these apparently key scenes being withheld from me?), there's never an explanation for the Calamity/Calamity Ganon and he doesn't seem to be the same entity as Ganondorf. Zelda also never once considers trying to prevent the Calamity, either, and save all those lives, because Reasons, I guess. and the time travel magically doesn't affect anything but the current crisis???? calling BS on this too. plus, it doesn't help that there's so little flow/build-up/connective tissue between the cutscenes. next to nothing, in fact. it feels like I watched the isolated anime cutscenes of an older RPG whose story was told mainly through scenes in the game engine, and tried to understand the plot from there.

except that for this game, that's all I get.

also they managed to make the Silent Princess metaphor even more ham-fisted than in BOTW, which is quite the achievement. good lord. the way my eyes rolled seeing that, the incredulous laughter I burst into... sheesh.

at this point I just. don't know if I should try and power through and rush to the ending, take a break, or just drop it entirely. either way, it would never get a replay the way BOTW did. it's just. bleh.

and don't even get me started on how they fucked up the Poes and Gibdos, way to even disappoint my desire for the return of favorite creepy enemies, I didn't even get my ReDeads. I DIDN'T EVEN GET MY REDEADS

in closing, everyone who complained about the story/time travel in AOC owes me the cost of TotK. that game may have been silly, but at least it respected the Champions and I got to see more characters interacting and everything playing out as it happened and I didn't feel so distant/isolated from it all. ugh. I need to replay THAT game!