Pov: Nathan's men killed Neil, but he was able to write a farewell letter:
Dear Andrew
My last words were to send you this letter, and if you are reading this, then,I must have been killed, but that's not the point. I don't regret sacrificing myself in front of you and the foxes. I wanted to say that my feelings for you are inexplicable, and very strong, but unfortunately I could understand it only on the day of execution. Actually it is very unfortunate. Surely you hate me and curse, but there are pluses in my death. Now I will not be a liar, and I will not give you all trouble. I hope that you and the foxes will not miss me, and will live on. You know Andrew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but as it turned out, there wasn’t much left. Maybe in the next life we will meet again, and maybe with all the foxes, and we will spend time together. I hope that in the next life I will fall in love with you, just like in this one, and my feelings will be mutual. I felt great with you, and in the greatest security, in a place where I had never been before. I am very glad that I did not run away, and stayed after signing a contract with the foxes. Andrew, I thank you for everything, for the keys, for the trust, for the honesty and for the kisses. you were amazing.
With love Neil Josten
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"Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other’s gravity, in each other’s space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long."
Nora Sakavic, via twitter
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i love neil's pov more than anything but nothing compares to the absolute SERVICE fanfic authors have done by giving us andrew joseph minyard falling in love
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my life was a storm since I was born - andreil - 422 words
Andrew hasn't always been this way. He used to care. He used to care so deeply it hurt. He would split himself open, bare his soul, in the hopes that someone would want him. And then people did want him. But they wanted and wanted and wanted and Andrew was never enough. They took and took and took and eventually Andrew was left with nothing—just an empty shell and a hollow heart. The world took one look at him, young and alone, and threw its very worst at him. Life beat him black and blue, and tried to kick him to the curb.
But Andrew learned how to fight back. He became a monster born from suffering and broken promises and pain. He built up impenetrable walls around himself, too tall to be scaled, too daunting to even try. He blocked out all feeling, content to sit in the safe protection of apathy. He covered the only door in chains, padlocked shut.
And then, Andrew gave someone a key.
Neil came into his life a little over a year ago, just as scarred and messed up as him. He was a puzzle to solve, a cipher to decode. And as Andrew fit more and more pieces into place, he realized he liked the rush it gave him. He liked the dizzying feeling of being trusted with Neil's secrets, being given his past to protect. Very quickly it was no longer a game, but a lifeline. A steady constant in the chaos that is life.
And now, as they sit on the roof of their dorms, a cigarette between Andrew's lips and another in Neil's hand, Andrew feels split open again. Neil just watches him, his bright blue eyes piercing straight through Andrew's carefully crafted armor.
Andrew hates him. He hates his unyielding patience, his quiet understanding, his relentless respect. Most of all he hates him for caring. For wanting Andrew with zero expectations or conditions. For only using the key he was given with express permission.
When Neil looks at him like this—like he never wants to look away, like Andrew is something good—he wants to push Neil away and build his walls even higher. He wants to scream that he's got it all wrong, that he's not good; he never has been and never will be.
Instead, Andrew just looks away, finishes his cigarette, and leaves without so much as glancing back. And if a part of him hates himself for that, what does it matter? Andrew's never liked himself anyways.
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