#Angel Faith Before Plastic surgery

[rainbow-neko-artblog]

I don't know if you've answered this question b4 but is Angel a toy or a human? it was shown that they were a toy in one of your comics but they bleed and lived outside the facility so presumably they look human enough.

Here's EVERYTHING you need to know about Angel.

Angel is only HALF Toy.

This was mentioned several times through the story and when I first posted them, basically the process of toyification to me is several convoluted surgerys and many experiments.

Basically, Angel was an orphan in Playcare, but they grew up smart enough to be recruited as an employee. Once they were an employee they found out the horrific trueth of what Playtime was really doing to the children and was terribly repulsed and frightened. In order to keep their reputation, Playtime Co. Typically turned employees that found out to much into toys- and they were planning on doing that to Angel.

Angel fled from the Playtime factory mid surgery- leaving half their body as unmodeled plastic and rearranged muscles, the other half (while scarred) is still relatively human. Most normal people think that Angel is just badly injured with plastic prosthetics, not that the plastic is actually part of them.

When they first fled, Playtime factory inexplicably shut down after everyone disappeared (hour of joy)...with no way to sue an abandoned company- Angel was homeless and unfortunatly most peoppe wouldnt hire them due to their general lack of....everything. theyre an orphan. They ended up taking residence in a kindly church and becoming a kind pacifist man of faith.

When they received their letter from Playtime about their missing coworkers, calling them back after 10 years? They thought it was a sign from God to save and redeem what they had done so long ago. The people they abandoned. The fact that they helped the factory before they found out about its darker side.

They've basically spent the last 10 years under the impression that they are partly responsible for what happened to the kids (they really werent...but they're guilt ridden.) And are using now, and their shared toyification with them, to redeem themself and the kids.

[edens-notesfromthegarden]

v1/zadkiel || gore :D (wip)

inspired by this post by @8o8o8o8o8

the aches could no longer go ignored.

zadkiel could feel it all, poking and prodding and digging into the deepest parts of himself that he was too scared to reach into. everything he had bottled up over the past few centuries, threatening to rip him apart from the inside out.

the last time he had ever unearthed those emotions was before he left heaven. too much now laid festering inside him, and he had to remove it.

zadkiel couldn't dare ask the prime souls to aid him; the work that needed to be done was far to visceral to expose them to it. gabriel was assuredly also out of the question, knowing many of the things trapped inside were brought about because of him.

which only left one.

they had taken v1 to a bathing pool in limbo, and brought along a basket, plastic mat and sharp blade. it watched them curiously as they set the items up, not moving from their place on the mat.

"so... angels have an odd function," zadkiel began explaining as he finished preparations. they sat down in front of v1, holding the knife in their hands. "we were made to serve diligently and without hesitation. humans would lose faith in us otherwise. in turn, we were told by Him that we cannot show strong emotions, lest we scare or deter those who believe in Him. Doing so does not come without its consequences, however."

unlike his usual methods, zadkiel disrobed himself properly instead of simply willing it away with his staff. the clutch on the knife grew tighter.

"in turn, these strong emotions, these thoughts that plagued the back of our minds... they physically manifest inside of us. they can take on many shapes, but its usually recommended to... clean them out, every so often, as to void the feelings quite literally killing you."

v1 silently looked down at the knife, and back to zadkiel. the angel took a deep, shuddering breath.

"v, i haven't done this in... far too long, and i'll need your help to properly clean myself of these feelings."

zadkiel pressed the knife into v1's hands, as if it had burnt their own to hold. v1 looked between the knife and the angel, before finally understanding what zadkiel was asking of it.

'you want me to...' its hand lingered for a moment, considering how to word its question. '...open you up?'

"quite literally, yes."

v1 quickly shook its head. 'no. i could hurt you.'

zadkiel scoffed quietly, "no worse than you do to gabe when you fight, right?"

'programming may hurt you. i do not want to hurt you.'

zadkiel sighed, a wobble to their lip. "v, please... i couldnt bear to ask minos and sisyphus, and i just... i just know gabriel will be the source of many of the objects you find. i couldnt bear to him to see how i felt about him while i was gone." he took v1's hands gently. "you're my best option... and im too scared to do it myself... i'm so sorry."

they both stared at each other silently, waiting for an answer. v1 could feel the shake in the angel's hands, see the tears welling behind their eyes: they were just as scared.

'you will stop me if i go too far. promise?'

zadkiel let out a pained sob, pulling v1 into a hug. "thank you. i'm so sorry. i will make up for this however you want, i promise."

zadkiel parted, laying himself down on the mat. v1 shifted themselves, hovering over the angel's body with the knife at hand.

'preferred cut?' it signed, slowly lowering the knife to zadkiel's chest

the angel took a deep breath. "i don't recall what humans would call the surgery type, or if it even was a type but... double door? directly through the middle and out the sides. you'll need access to all of it."

he smiled up at v1, tears in his eyes, and took the hand that held the knife, making it press the sharp blade against his skin. v1's wings flickered in agitation and concern, but zadkiel tried to soothe it by rubbing its other hand with a gentle touch.

"i'll be okay, i promise." zadkiel whispered, tone laced in anxiety. "angels are made to be resilient, y'know? i'll be right."

v1 could only quietly nod, and carefully press the blade into the skin.

[thedosianexplorer]

Hagging Out - Veneration

This is a prose-only entry this month (click here for the adorable prequel image) and it is late because, well, *gestures at this human existence in 2022 America*. I haven’t shared my writing in some time but it is one of the many ways I venerate privately. Content mentions for US current events re: the Club Q/Pulse shootings, Supreme Court rulings, the general experience of being a queer American and former Catholic. Other relevant content mentions are in the tags below!

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Veneration used to mean a holy water font booked to the door, laminated prayer cards, statues of Mary that were given to the students who learned their catechism the fastest, the clack of rosary beads. Plastic, wood, metal, semiprecious stones. Clouds of incense wreathing our church calendar and our photo of Pope John Paul II. These things were in my childhood home to remind me that down the road was the church, and we had to show that we acted like we were in that church always. God, the Son, the Spirit, Mary, all the angels and saints, and the host of beloved dead. The Church Triumphant trumpeting loudly onto focus on every room. I made my first shrine this way, to Mary. Besides the obligatory Precious Moments crucifix nailed to my wall (yes, really, these exist), my shrines were to her, my prayers to her, and besides her, the saints, the Spirit, and the angels preoccupied me. I am proud to be an apostate of my old faith, but I was born on a Marian feast and she of any of them can find me still. Now she just has to share space.

My shrines are one of the first things you see walking into my home. They’re like comfortable seats for surprise visits from friends or older relatives. Veneration is still an act, but it no longer feels like a graded performance. This is my home and my temple. My gods know where to find me.

It is the first day of November and my partner is in the worst pain I have ever seen him in, which is saying something about a man for whom subluxations are a frequent enemy. Frigg finds me in the medicine cabinet pulling together the medications that can stand in for the stronger stuff in a pinch. Her light is a thrum across my shoulders as I call dentists, wrangle insurance, make sure there is enough food in the fridge. I often ask Her to help me find abundance and work with it. Patience yields a lead, an open appointment later in the week when every other clinic won't be open until March. The clinic opens doors with a referral, a consultation just five weeks away. The medications start to work. At Frigg’s altar (my kitchen) I mash up leftovers of beef stew and stir in dried basil I grew for Her.

Freyja has another cat for me and this one looks like he’s here to stay. I take care of the outdoor cats as a devotional act because She has kept mine safe. I’ve rehomed many strays over the years and gotten young ferals used to human company. Cryptid came to me just before Samhain two years ago, and this year the Sunday after Samhain my partner found a little black kitten curled against our porch. Within minutes, my partner decided. “His name is Zagreus.” It was the afternoon before the temperatures would drop below freezing at night, and he was barely weaned. His eyes were still blue and he clung to us immediately. I brought him up to Her shrine to say hello, and to ask for help getting him to the vet. As it happened, there was an opening at the same time I had to drop Cryptid off for surgery (this is an exceptionally rare occurrence at my vet). He is healthy, and the other cats have accepted him and taught him their catlore with a readiness that surprised us both veteran cat owners. He’s sleeping next to me now, and his eyes are turning a brilliant amber.

Cryptid’s surgery comes on a Wednesday, Odin’s day. I offer strong coffee for safe travels and our Lyft drivers are swift- they even wore masks! I am wrung-out with anxiety but of all my gods he understands that. Even though I ache through with stress and the toll of new kitten energy I feel cajoled to a Wednesday night walk, my usual ritual with him. I go, and go, and walk farther than I expected, and the old man smiles with a gift: a pristinely kept, solid wood and wrought iron coffee table the perfect height for my reading chair just… placed under a streetlight by the dumpster. He has left other gifts this way- a natural quartz point smoothed with years of rain, a solid copper candle-holder, and now this ideal replacement for the table that just broke. I whisper, “Odin give me strength” and somehow I can heft this heavy thing all the way home.

Macha is who I turn to when I am tired of running or being beholden to the whims of unjust rulers. She knows the burdens of both well. Until February (or longer), all of my student loans are forgiven now but a single Trump-appointed judge in Texas just decided to derail the already delayed day that forgiveness comes to pass. Now it’s up to the Supreme Court who have already decided to curtail my rights in other ways to decide. I didn’t have much to talk about with Her besides that coming right after the midterms, but I was glad to have Her shrine to stop at and catch my breath. 

The Transgender Day of Remembrance falls on a Sunday, Hel’s day in my home. Each year I write the names, light the candles, sing the death songs, and this year it comes early. The news from Colorado Springs finds me in 2022, about to sleep, and in 2016, in the memory of too-bright hotel sunlight. The way of the gods is not linear and neither is grief. In my bedroom my partner and I check on friends and pray. I remember the Sunday morning when the joyful frenzy of AnimeNext fell silent with 49 names from Pulse. Hel is there as I walk the convention floor and listen to a mother’s worry that she wants her teens to be safe wearing those flags with their costumes. I do not tell her that my family doesn’t know I’m queer, that this is the first time I have heard a mother want her children to be out and proud. I tell her something but the words are lost with the sight of her daughter watches the doors behind her friends’ backs and fidgeting with the flag draped over her shoulders. Hel guides me home, bone-white and corpse-blue, cloaked in late autumn fog. She is with me, cemetery silent, in the late hours of grief. For hours I weep for people I will never know. She is much larger than I, and shoulders the weight of what I cannot. I make crockpot applesauce spiked with red wine and honey to warm us both. 

Badb is never far. She found me first, before I knew Her by name. I can find Her in rage, in fear, in triumph. This month has brought it all in plenty. I offer pomegranate wine and angrily wrest my peace back from all that subdues it. She is with the part of me that is left when I think there are no more logs to toss on the fire, the choice in every ember to catch or snuff out entirely. She guides the discernment to see which is needed. 

Mórrígan shares war wisdom and cold comfort as I wait on hold with insurance to remind them that, yes, I do still need the medication I’ve been prescribed since birth and yes, that medication I have taken every day for the past twelve years too. I pour out the acid in the pit of my stomach and imagine it full of the chilly cave water that runs through Her fit abode. I drink my ice water and the panic attack passes. A crow flies overhead as I walk the several miles to the pharmacy. I spoke up and my medication is the cheapest it’s been in years. I honor Her with the victory.

Loki popped in the last Tuesday of November to tell us that if we didn’t take a fucking break we’d keel over. By which I mean, we found ourselves with a massive Postmates coupon, a rainy drizzle, toasty pajamas, our massive beanbag chair and five cats that want nothing more to hibernate with us. I usually bake with them but as tired as I am, I know he enjoyed the heaping portion of tiramisu and cannolis. Even though we only had a few free hours that night it felt like a whole day of rest. 

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

16 fe bru ar y 2023 11:34 pm pdt

does anyone know what happened after Judy garland sang haaleluah come on get happy ... it’s judgement day..? Bcz I don’t know. 😞

sometime in the last 2 hours I thought I felt something big fluffy at the back of my mouth. If incubus is stuffing cotton or similar fluffy objects down my throat I’m going to guess that I might need surgery Bcz if that. & if I need surgery I’m going to call it quits meaning assisted suicide. And that someone told me he thought god was clearing out old people. 😞😤🥵😖😭😤🥵💱 incubus made me touch that last emoji. He is not denying it. I have not seen black Adam movie 🎥 w/ Dwayne Johnson but I guessing that was meant to brain 🧠 wash people. Why you think 🤔 so many people died of Covid & then a lot of shootings happened? El hefe? Restaurant article on the rape case I have not found further news 📰 of the rapist being found. Did I interpret it correctly that they still don’t know his identity? Incubus is full of “bullshit, bullshit, bullshit” I’m putting it in quotes Bcz I remember a tweet 🐣 of his saying everything that comes out of his mouth 👄 is bullshit x3? 12:45 pmpdt he’s heating up my body too hot 🥵 that I feel nauseous & my face is dry & wrinkling. He also put dirt in my bed 🛌 & on my bathtub 🛁 Bcz he’s calling me dirty. You’re the dirtiest incubus. You think 20 year old women are really going to like you? You’re crazy. Especially when you are demon angels making people crazy & raping 11 year old girls & giving them all sorts of disorders & gaslighting them. ⛽️ you think people are going to want to worship a dirty old man like you???? If anymore crap happens to me, if you double cross me you think that will win you an award? 🥇 popularity contest? Abuse. No one should trust this jerk. I bet everyone who died if Covid is really dead ☠️ & he has liars & actors doing shit for him. 22:53 11:52 on pm pdt you have not proven anything to me. 21:53 11:53 pm pdt & I had faith that the person I saw bite the other person would stop 🛑 if s/he was told to Bcz s/he never bit me. You make every one crazy. You want me to believe we’re friends maybe you should have practiced treating me like a friend, bad ass jerk. 11:55 pmpdt not 11:44.

12:02 am pdt he probably never saved Jesus Christ. He probably conned him. He lies. & he has dirty ads (12:05 am pdt 12:06 ass) liars lying 🤥 for him. He’s trying to make me crazy. 12:03 am pdt I don’t trust you stop 🛑 trying to pull me back in. 12:03 am pdt earlier he stabbed into my cheek bone 🦴 as a sign 🪧 that I’m cheeky. & it was after thinking all the thoughts I wrote above. 12:07 am pdt also I’m not sure 🤔 if Scott photoshopped his videos & pictures Bcz I thought his nose 👃 was a little different. 12:08 am pdt

12:09 am pdt

12:11 am pdt I cannot upload a picture.

12:12 am pdt yup.

12:16 am pdt I also had a learning disability & u bashed me head into very hard things & I felt like a weirdo. Why do I have so many sexy bot 🤖 girl looking subscribers? I hope not all the viewers are bots 🤖. The person who bit first wasn’t covered in bruises & she seemed otherwise happy & content. Incubus likes to possess people & cause trouble 👿. 12:20 am pdt I don’t like you incubus. You already showed me you don’t like me before 2006, back in blossom hill & you’re killing my body with heat. 12:22 am pdt this is too much. I hate you incubus. 12:22 am pdt you don’t like me Bcz I don’t think correctly Bcz you bashed in my head. It’s already small, why don’t you pick on a short person with a big head. I don’t have that much brain 🧠 to spare. 12:24 am pdt I once saw a car 🚗 that looked 👀 like incubus old black sporty probably cheaper car. It had plastic bright orange decorative sting 🦂 he’s threatening to sting me you should have thought of that b4 burning 🔥 me & mashing my brain 🧠 not allowing to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ more than one breath b4 heating me up again. You’re seriously that fucked up one Bcz garrido had a motorcycle accident & I guess no doctor 👨‍⚕️ cared to heal his head. You manipulated every one including garrido it sounds. You wanted it to happen you devised it to happen so more people would have more jobs? Sick. You’re a sick creature. 12:31 am pdt at least the person I had faith in showed some capacity to make a lot of decisions that helped take care of the other person. Yeah, it wasn’t good but the other person bit her first & it seemed like it would only be a one time thing if s/he was advised to stop 🛑. 12:34 am pdt

maybe it was stupid of me to give the benefit of the doubt. But I had problems, too. Maybe stupidity problems. 12:35 am pdt

12:39 am pdt it took me a while to realize my mistake. I had too much faith in the other person that things would be ok. I guess now I see the error of my ways⬅️👁‍🗨. Happy incubus? What does those emojis mean? I didn’t intend to touch those. 12:41 am pdt

incubus deleted a lot of my pictures that probably had a picture of that car 🚗. 12:47 am pdt I remember back in 2017 probably to toy 🧸 with me he sold that car 🚗 that looked like that car I think 🤔 & a carera? Car 🚗 unless my memory is really messed up & it’s actually the same car 🚗 I remember it being more angular? Not curvy? 12:50 am pdt future feels grim & unromantic. Incubus introduced me to the part of the world 🌎 I didn’t pay much attention to before, when his cheating scandals came out (#3 ready 😞😖😭😤🥵😫😠😤😠) seems si dirty & lecherous. Creepy he has become to me. 12:53 am pdt I don’t see him the same way anymore. 12:54 am pdt

Is this what people mean when they say cringe 😬???? 12:54 am pdt 12:55 am

1:15 am pdt orange plastic rings on the hubcaps when I saw it in blossom hill when I was a teenager. When I saw 👀 incubus’ car 🚗 I think I saw hot pink plastic rings on the hubcaps in the online pictures. 1:16 am pdt

1:19 am pdt I remember standing next to the car 🚗 it had tinted windows 🪟 & I remember starting to feel fear. If it was the incubus’ car 🚗 he was probably messing with me to make me feel anxious. Something about tinted windows 🪟 scares me 😱. 1:21 am pdt

1:37 am pdt incubus hates me he’s burning me too much. I am tired of coughing & not being able to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. The hospital 🏥 doesn’t care or want to help me. 1:38 am pdt I ve read articles online from 2010 about an advertiser who had similar/same symptoms & they were apathetic, too. 1:40 am pdt I remember being very nice to them yet they don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️. 1:40 am pdt I’ve been putting up with a lot of abuse. At first I thought maybe I deserve it? Bc in usually critical? & then I thought I didn’t, & now I’m back to thinking 🤔 I do. There were some things I didn’t think enough I guess. My aunt believes in god a lot for years. But god still wanted to punch me again. 1:43 am pdt my aunt gives my cousin a lot. When she was 9 years old she wanted purple hair and she got it for Halloween 👻. My mom gave her the wrong shampoo 🧴 & it washed out of her beautiful long thick black hair. She like nicki Minaj. I think 🤔 my aunt even got her the teen/young women’s platform boots 👢 for her Halloween costume Bcz she had big enough feet to wear women’s sizes. She wanted padded push up bra & a teen Halloween costume that her classmate told her she looked like a whore, but I didn’t see her in the costume. I think I might have saw the boots 👢 & the plastic package for the costume. 1:48 am pdt she was a very talkative girl & she danced & played video games & I let her watch YouTube. Yeah I think I was stupid back then I’m remembering somethimg I did that I wouldn’t do now & I want to smack myself in the face for doing it. 1:50 am pdt

1:53 am pdt incubus sometimes will tell you things he thinks you want to hear 👂. At this point I don’t believe him. 1:54 am pdt too much oppressive killer heat. 1:55 am pdt

2:17 am pdt I remember my cousin cried when the hair dye washed out. I learned recently that my cousin has been lying 🤥 about how she felt about me for years. She told me I guess what she thought I wanted to hear 👂 along with tears 😭 over the phone ☎️ but I was very surprised about the tears 😭 Bcz she seemed to avoid me for years & last month she called me a bitch & said she didn’t owe me anything even though she punched me in the head & my aunt sides with her. She only came over 2 times to help me a little. & then we only saw each other for birthdays usually. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t think it was frequent. & I had a lot of difficulties & felt ignored by everyone w/ very little help occasionally. Texts from the start were usually to tell me I’m a brat, & crazy/schizo. Maybe I am crazy? But I had some stuff happened to me & no one wanted to hear it for years. Why I feel selfish & wicked to write this? Even though I might have a killer gaslighting stalker who likes to lie about his age & tried to lure teen girls to see him even if he had to buy them a plane ✈️ ticket 🎫 to do so? I’m cursed. By the demon lord incubus rapist lecherous creepy cringe murderer. 2:27 am pdt

2:34 am pdt my cousin when she (head hot 🥵 2:35 am pdt) she had came over when she was 9 years old sided with her dad & said that her mom messed up everything by bringing them back to California/ leaving Missouri. She had a little dog 🐶 & a yard to run 🏃🏻‍♀️ & play in at the house 🏠 & even her mom agreed that they were fine there. It seems my cousin was very happy in Missouri. She also got to play a lot I think, at her moms clients house 🏠 of a rich old man who lived in a nice neighborhood. I visited once & she seemed happy playing with a classsmate. 2:39 am pdt when we lived together in 2015 I usually let her do what she wanted which was to hang out by herself in her bedroom & she’d usually take a box 📦 of food & probably ate the whole box at once by herself. Her dad told her he didn’t want her to be a kid so he showed her cartoons like family guy. I put protective child settings on the cable tv 📺 & she said there aren’t any children here. I didn’t realize she was 12 going on 13. Something about the way she talked I thought she was still 11? I guess she was right. Maybe 🤔 my head was more damaged than I realized. 2:44 am pdt they were a little messy. She left a lot of long strands of hair all over the sink in the morning don’t remember how many times probably at least 2xs. We let them borrow a dresser & they burned a candle directly on top of it & let the wax drip 💧 on it. I think one of them

was messy w/ nail polish 💅🏼 on the table & maybe they didn’t properly use a paper towel 🧻. I advised them to paint the nails outside. When I did print making the teacher scared us about chemicals? Substances like acetone & that we needed ventilation. 2:49 am pdt but I probably advised it more Bcz of what they did to the table. Once I had a nail painting session outside. 2:50 am pdt she punched my head I thin October 2011 & I was laid off in 2012. 2:50 am pdt I guess I’m a bitch. Whatever. No one cares when I dropped fro the failed. Cherry 🍒 drop. My sister & best friend at the time watched me fall but seemed to express no concern. Same thing over & over again from my sister & mom. My aunt says the skull 💀 is very strong 💪. It was still extremely painful 😖 & I wasn’t normal afterwards. A lot of people were saying I was crazy. 2:53 am pdt abdomen pain left lower side. 2:54 am pdt people are crazy & beer 🍺 is good? 🎶🎼🎵 2:54 am pdt

2:55 am pdt 2:56 am incubus, the cherry 🍒 drop was b4 fourth grade photos. Ass hole 🕳. 2:56 am pdt

5:18 am pdt I was scared 😱 when I saw 👀 the person bite the other person. Maybe 🤔 I had hoped or thought 💭 that was all that was needed. I had hoped that there would not need to be any other intervention. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have done ✅ something more. 5:21 am pdt that person is still alive today. & it took me until this morning to realize that I failed 😨 a test. 5:22 am pdt so god thought 💭 it would be good to have someone bite me. In the neck. After being (head brain 🧠 pain 5:23 am pdt) I thought 💭 I was doing something good confessing I failed 😨. I’m confused 🤷🏻‍♀️. 5:25 am pdt maybe I should have been around more to make sure that there wouldn’t need to be. I feel like our whole family is effed up 🆙 now. Bcz my youngest sister left us alone. Maybe it was too much responsibility for her to bare. Maybe 🤔 we deserved to be abandoned even though we probably needed another head around to help us. It’s okay though Bcz that’s what god wanted. I can’t fight what god wants. 5:30 🕠 am pdt

8:15 am pdt I guess I’m the devil then. My bones 🦴 degraded. I guess I’m filled w/piss & vinegar. 8:16 am pdt I wish that god would have killed me in the womb when I was a fetus or embryo. I wish I didn’t have to endure all this pain & misery. I hate myself. 8:18 am pdt

8:38 am pdt

8:51 am pdt 8:52 am remembering another bad decision.

9:43 am pdt in a class @ UCB I had issues with controlling what I said. I think I was sorta falling apart at the time? Eczema got infected & I was oozing all the time. My ear 👂 also opened at some point 946 am pdt I think I #3 now in pants 👖

[fairlyspnfanfic]

The Ties That Bind Us - Part 4

@wSummary: When your past comes back to haunt you, who will prevail?  Hunting had been your life since your were 4 years old.  The monsters that started you on that path were resurfacing, and you knew what you had to do.  But nothing is ever truly secret, and nothing is ever that cut and dry with the Winchester’s in tow.

A/N: This is a new one that is coming from a few requests.  I’m not going to post the actual requests because…well because it would spoil the story line and I’m pretty into this one.

Words: 2328

Warnings: Trauma, medical terminology, stress, hospital waiting room

PART ONE  PART TWO  PART THREE

My eyes snapped open. I was sitting at a wooden table in the middle of an open kitchen; a set of plates and silverware in front of me. There were enough seats for five people and each had a place setting.  But each chair beyond mine was empty.  The table was mostly white with several scratches and stains scattered along it.  Something about it felt so familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.  I ran my hand along the edge of it, taking in the coarse feeling of each deep scratch.  

The sound of falling dishes pulled me away from my attempt to remember, drawing my eyes up to the kitchen sink.  

“Mom?” Surely it couldn’t be.  But as soon as the word left my mouth, breathless as it was, she turned around with the same bright, loving smile that she’d always had for me.  

“Hey there, my little hummingbird.”  Hearing the affectionate nickname leave her mouth sent shivers through me.  “Hope you’re hungry!”  She walked quickly over to the oven and opened it, pulling out a large pyrex dish, full to the brim with bubbling hot lasagna.  

“Mom,” I whispered, my voice hitching in my throat, as I stood up and slowly walked towards her.

“Careful now,” she cautioned.  “The pan’s hot.”  She set the pan down on the trivet that was already on the counter and turned to face me.

Her eyes sparkled that same dazzling seafoam green that I remembered.  Lifting her hand, she gently stroked the back of her fingers across my cheek. “Oh Y/N,” she said.  “How I’ve missed you.”  She pulled my face closer to hers, touching her forehead to mine as a small but sad giggle shook her chest.

“Dinner ready?” Another familiar voice called from behind me.  “I’m starved.”  I turned my head, sure that I couldn’t be hearing what I believed I was.  Looking up, I locked eyes with my father.  The same short sandy brown hair, his dark eyes that peered at me through the thickest black plastic glasses I’d ever seen, and the pillow-perfect pot belly that I remembered.  

He smiled at me and put his arms out to the side, inviting me to come over to him.  I nearly knocked him over as I ran towards him, my own arms outstretched, as he enveloped me in the bear hugs he had always done the best. He lifted me off the ground just slightly and I wiggled my feet in the air.  “Hey baby girl,” he crooned before setting me on my feet again.  

My mom walked over towards us; a hand gently placed on each of our shoulders.  “Dinner’s on” she said with a smile. Making our way over to the table, we each sat down in one of the empty chairs.  My eyes fixated on the two empty chairs.  “Don’t worry,” my dad said.  “They’ll be here soon enough.”  He seemed to shake off the unspoken question as my mother began dishing out her classic handmade lasagna.  I could smell the sausage and beef, and the aroma of the tomatoes delighted my senses.  

“It looks delicious, Mom.” My lips seemed permanently drawn up into a smile, to the point that my cheeks would surely begin to ache soon.  But I quickly picked up my knife and fork and dug in.

“Still your favorite, right Hummingbird?”  My mom seemed absolutely entertained as she watched me gobble up the dish, tomato sauce staining my cheeks as I did.  I nodded emphatically.  

The rest of the meal passed in silence, reveling in the presence of one another.  Once we had all finished, my father began clearing the table. “Go on outside and have a sit,” he said. “You’ve got some catching up to do.”  Leaning over quickly, he placed a gentle kiss to the top of my head, the way he always had.

Mom stood up from the table, running her hand down my father’s arm as she gave him an appreciative smile and gestured towards the back-patio door.  I quickly wiped off my mouth with my napkin, ensuring that my skin wouldn’t be covered in orange tomato sauce, as I stood up and made my way to the sliding glass door that was just through the living room.  

She slid the door open for me, waving me ahead and pointing out the door.  The view from the patio was the definition of picturesque.  The grass that lined the concrete slab was healthy and plush, leading down to a sandy beach where salty ocean water was beckoning.  The waves were gentle, and the sound of them seemed to calm me down passed my already blissed out state of relaxation.  

“Here,” my mom said, holding up a folded-up beach chair to me. She had her own in her other hand, as I grabbed the one she was extending out to me.  We walked out into the sand.  I could feel each grain between my toes, and I felt my feet being sucked ever so slowly into the wet sand as the warm water drifted just over my toes.  We both set up our chairs just past the water line and took our respective seats; our feet and behinds grazing the surface of the water as the chairs sank slowly.

“This is perfection,” I whispered, laying my head back and closing my eyes, taking in the sounds and smells of the fresh, crisp ocean air.  

My mom let out a short chuckle with the slightest air of sadness tainting the sound that I would recognize anywhere.  I opened my eyes and looked at her questioningly.

“Have you decided?” Her question left me confused. I could feel my eyebrows growing closer together as those familiar folds between them increased and my head instinctively tilted to the side.  “What are you talking about?  Decided what, Mom?”

She smiled at me again, reaching her hand out and grasping my fingers with her own.  She laid her head back down against her chair, closing her eyes as she turned her head back to face the water.  “If you’re staying, Hummingbird.”

My heart was racing.  “Staying?”  

“It’s up to you, dear. You can stay.  Or you can go back.”

“Back where, Mom?”  I could almost hear my heart beating in my ears.

“To your life.”  Her answer was succinct, as she confirmed everything that I had begun to fear.  “We’ll still be here waiting for you if you do.  We always will be.  Your father and I, we’ve missed you. Immensely.  But if you aren’t ready,” she paused, taking a deep breath.  “If you want to go back, we will understand.  You’ve so much life to live, Hummingbird.”  Her hand gripped mine tighter now as she fixed her eyes on me.

“This is heaven, isn’t it?” I asked the question, knowing that the answer was obvious and that everything in me was telling me to stay.

She nodded simply, her eyes glazing over and a smile coming to her face.  “You’ll have to decide.  I can’t do it for you.  I’m not sure what I’d say if I even could.  But we love you, Y/N.  And no matter what, we’ll always be here.”  

I laid my head back down against the back of the chair, extending my feet into the water that was slowly coming in further and further with the tide.  I squished the soft sand beneath my feet and watched as pelicans dove in and out of the water just in front of us.  

Dean paced the hall between the waiting room and the nurse’s station, raking his hands through his hair as Sam sat in the blue chair, pleading with his brother to sit down and take a breath.

“It’s been hours, Sammy. Hours.  How do they not know anything yet?  Bunch of hacks.”  Dean’s voice was panicked but firm, exposing his irritation and fear.  

A nurse came through the doors towards the nurse’s station and Dean stopped for a moment, his eyes locked on the man wearing the dark green scrubs, hoping that he was there to give him news.  When the nurse kept on walking, leaning over the desk towards a coworker and discussing the dosage for another patient, Dean let out the breath he was holding and dropped his head.  His fingers wound around the back of his neck as he leaned his head back and attempted to relax and stress out the all-too tense muscles.  

“There’s nothing you can do, Dean.”  Sam pleaded with him.  “You need to sit.  Try to get some rest maybe-“

“Nothing I can do?  Are you kidding me, Sam?  Angels, HooDoo, crossroads deal, I don’t care what it takes but there sure as hell is something I can do.”  Dean’s impatience was getting the better of him. He pulled his phone out and began dialing any number he could think of.

“Garth, hey,” Dean said as the line connected.  “Tell me you’ve got a line on a faith healer or fallen angel.  Anything man,” he begged.  A few seconds passed and Dean closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand as he did so.  “It’s Y/N,” he said quietly.  “It’s bad. I don’t know…” He trailed off, unwilling to finish his thought.  “Yeah, yeah Garth.  I know. Just let me know if you find anything okay?”  He disconnected the line and walked over towards Sam, taking a seat and laying his head in his hands, seemingly defeated.

Sam reached over and placed his hand on his brother’s back and rubbed small comforting circles, trying to calm him down.  

“We can’t lose her, Sammy.” Dean’s voice was whisper quiet as his voice broke and the dam that had been holding his tears back began to waver.

“We won’t,” Sam reassured him.  “Hey,” Sam said, encouraging his brother to look him in the eye.  “We won’t.  She’s going to be fine.”  Each word was said with pure conviction, as if Sam believed each one with absolute certainty, even though the pit in his stomach felt otherwise.

Dean nodded slowly, as he stood back up and began pacing again in front of the row of seats.  

The doors to the left of the nurse’s station opened quickly and a woman wearing a blue surgery gown and a yellow and green head cap covered in pineapples walked towards them, wringing her hands together.

“Doc,” Dean said, walking up to meet her as Sam stood up quickly by his side.  “What’s the word?”  

“She’s still in surgery,” the woman began.  Dean immediately tensed up again, his arms crossing as he listened intently.  “The damage was much worse than we originally thought. The weapon pierced her liver and severely damaged the hepatic portal vein.  She’s lost a lot of blood to the point that she was already hypothermic when she arrived.”  

Dean ran his hands through his hair again, tugging at the ends as he turned around, away from the doctor and then came back.  “What does that mean?  Is she going to be okay?”  

The woman looked at him with sympathetic eyes, knowing that giving anything close to false hope would be cruel. “We’re trying to stop the bleeding, but right now, her hypothermia is preventing her blood from clotting.  The hepatic portal vein has been repaired, but right now, she’s fighting off the hypothermia and acidosis.”  

Dean looked over at Sam. “I don’t know what any of this means.” His worry was getting the better of him and his exhaustion with the situation was peaking.  

Sam looked at the doctor and gestured for her to continue.  

“Basically, with how much blood she’s lost, and the damage to her liver, her blood doesn’t have enough oxygen or enough nutrients to keep her heart pumping effectively.  And because of how much blood she’s lost, her body has started burning glucose to keep enough energy to run her body.  When that happens, our bodies don’t function well, and all our organs begin to get damaged.  That’s where she’s at right now.  We’re chasing the damage around each organ, trying to repair and prevent any more.  We’ve begun blood transfusions to try to combat it and we’re giving her as many IV nutrients as we can.”  

Sam shook his head.  “So, what do we do now,” he asked her. She looked back at him sadly.  

“Pray.”  She reached out and touched his arm reassuringly before turning around and going back through the doors that she had came in through.

Sam’s eyes were held open, seemingly bulging out of their sockets as he stared at the floor with his arms crossed, attempting to absorb everything that he’d just heard.  

“No,” Dean said behind him, standing up with authority.  “No, this isn’t happening,” he declared.  “She’s not going out.  Not like this.”  

“Dean,” Sam breathed, reaching out to his brother in a failed attempt to comfort him.

“No,” Dean yelled at him. “Not when I can fix it!”

“How, Dean?  Cas is in the wind, and she’d kill you herself if she even thought that maybe you had made a deal.”

Dean walked past his brother and headed for the exit.  He began running, desperate to reach the Impala as soon as possible.  He had parked right outside the Emergency Room doors in the near empty lot.  Now, it was late enough in the night that the whole world seemed to be sleeping.  He violently shoved the key into the lock of the trunk, yanking the lid open and propping it open with a sawed-off shotgun.

“Hemlock, hemlock. Where is the damn hemlock,” he asked nobody in particular.  “Ah ha!” He celebrated as he added the now-found Hemlock to his bag, rustling it around with the crucifix, ore, and assorted other goods. He ran back into the hospital, waiting impatiently as the triage nurse buzzed him back into the surgical waiting room.  

Sam looked at him expectantly, obviously looking for some sort of explanation.  

“Lets trap a reaper.”

To be continued....

Part Five

Taglist (Tag requests are open):

@vicmc624​@waywardprincesa @heyyy-hey-babyyy​ @carissime72​ @deans-baby-momma​ @formulafun​ @woodworthti666​ @yetanotherreader​ @crashlyrose​ @hobby27​ @gabby913​ @jxackles​ @polina-93​@supernaturaladdictsblog  @fandomoverdose666​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanwanddamons​ @tazzi-baby​ @acertainhero​  @lilulo-12

(Desperate attempt to get my faves to notice me) @thinkinghardhardlythinking @smol-and-grumpy @wonder-cole-reads @watermelonlipstick @that-one-gay-girl @waywardbaby​

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

TV Recommendation: You’re Beautiful

** The title- and main character’s name- is a play on the popular Korean term for a hottie. Kkot-mi-nam meaning “a boy with flower-like beauty” and ‘nyeo’ being the female marker. 

Go Mi-Nam/Go Mi-Nyeo- with their name being a play on this expression- is often made fun of because of this.

Go Mi-Nyeo has chosen her path in life, and is perfectly at peace with her choice.

Raised in a convent after her father’s death and her mother abandoned her and her twin brother, Go Mi-Nyeo has dedicated herself to becoming a Sister. She is finally ready to leave for Italy and take holy orders at a convent in Rome- but her plans are derailed when she accepts one final mission of mercy on behalf of her brother.

Go Mi-Nam (her twin) chose a different path from his sister. Rather than follow a quiet, holy path, he went as loud as possible. His dream was to become an idol singer, someone so famous- whose name is so widespread- that their missing mother reappears before them and their family is healed.

Go Mi-Nam is chosen to join the pre-established group A.N.JELL after their lead singer became arrogant and lost his will or ability to properly sing. Go Mi-Nam is to be the new voice of this pop-rock group. Until a plastic surgery error forces him to secretly flee to the US to have the unfortunate procedure un-done. At risk of losing his chance at fame, he sends his manager to beg his twin sister to step into his shoes only for a day.

Not realizing the trick will have to last much, much longer.

Go Mi-Nyeo enters A.N.JELL in her brother’s shoes and instantly runs afoul of the group’s leader Hwang Tae Kyeong- a bitter and hate-filled man who has become cynical to everything after growing up in the seedy underbelly of stardom. 

Tae Kyeong cannot deny Go Mi-Nyeo has the voice of an angel, and he cannot stop the company from adding her to his group. But when he discovers that this “new boy” is actually a “new girl”, he decides to use this knowledge (which she does not know he possesses) to psychologically terrorize her. And by ‘terrorize’ he means clumsily show his love like a child pulling on the pigtails of his crush.

Another A.N. JELL member in the know is the soft and gentle Kang Shin-Woo, who met Go Mi-Nyeo as a woman and almost instantly links her with Go Mi-Nam. Shin-Woo also won’t let even Go Mi-Nyeo realize he knows her secret, but he doesn’t hide his growing feelings for her.

As for A.N.JELL’s resident Blonde, Jeremy, he has no idea Go Mi-Nam is a man and also can’t figure out why everyone in his group is so gay for the new boy... Or why he’s kinda gay for the new boy too... Why he likes seeing him sprayed by a hose or can’t stop staring at the curve of his neck when he-

JEREMY MUST END GO MI-NAM’S SEDUCTIVE SPELL OVER THE GROUP ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! If he can stop lusting after him for 5 minutes that is.

Only Jeremy and Go Mi-Nyeo herself don’t realize no one has bought the grand lie. As love begins to bloom between Go Mi-Nyeo and Hwang Tae Kyeong- turning his black heart white once again- she will have to decide once and for all if she will return to her plans for taking holy orders or if she will choose to live a different kind of life.

God sent a would-be nun into the decaying world of A.N.JELL to save them from themselves and heal the darkness in their world with her unwavering kindness and warmth.

As the truth of her mother’s disappearance begins to surface, it may be A.N.JELL who must rise to stop the world from extinguishing Go Mi-Nyeo’s light, hope, and faith once and for all.

[drkennethhughes]

I live by the faith of the Son of God. Dr. Kenneth Hughes gets a lot of questions as to why a plastic surgeon posts scripture and Bible verses on his Instagram account. Those who are looking for before and after pictures and reviews and procedure information and things of that nature can find all of that on Dr. Hughes‘s website at www.hughesplasticsurgery.com. Dr. Hughes is taking this opportunity in life to spread the word about something that is much more important than plastic surgery. Dr. Kenneth Hughes has chosen to post bible verses to honor God and Jesus rather than post photos of before and after plastic surgery procedures including Brazilian butt lift or BBL, breast augmentation, butt implants, body contouring surgery, liposuction, breast lift, and breast surgery in general. Both Instagram and Facebook have pursued censorship of photos and it is simply not worth posting photos on either medium. Let the Lord prevail. Dr. Kenneth Hughes in Los Angeles has performed thousands of these liposuction and Brazilian butt lift procedures. You may visit Dr. Kenneth Hughes’s website at www.hughesplasticsurgery.com to view before and after photos. #lipos #lipo #liposuction #liposuctions #lipo360 #lipo360bbl #plasticsurgeon #plasticsurgery #losangelesplasticsurgeon #censorship #censorshipisreal #drkennethhughes #drkennethhughesbbl #drkenhughes #kennethhughesmd #kennethhughes #kennethbhughes #kennethbenjaminhughes #losangeles #bblspecialists #drkennethbenjaminhughes #bblsurgery #bblexpert #liposuctionexpert #liposuctionexperts #godisgood #godisincontrol #godblessamerica #godfirst #godisgreat https://www.instagram.com/p/CK0AoJLD3hA/?igshid=12ltah0uf7lnn

[noahhernandez]

02/02/2020

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? I.. do not know, yes? maybe? lol.  2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Incorrect, why did you say correct like i’m supposed to 3. Have you taken someones virginity? no 4. Is trust a big issue for you? I am huge on trust. I have a hard time trusting people with like 100% of everything.  5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? I don’t like anyone, plus the last person I hung out with was Bri 6. What are you excited for? Nothing! The load of homework I have but I am doing this instead to waste time!  7. What happened tonight? its 3pm idk nothing. I will be doing nothing 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Hell nah! I love when my bitches are throwing up and falling we having a good time!  9. Is confidence sexy? IDk sure. 10. What is the last beverage you had? A cup of coffee 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Bri, Michelle, Faith, and eh.. Angel?  12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? It is the only pair of jeans I own 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Yesterday was saturday, and i did nothing but work!  So this upcoming saturday, I will be doing the exact same thing and just working. 14. What are you going to spend money on next? My rent because it was due yesterday, then my other bills 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? I dont even know the last person I kissed.. Michelle? no.. Braeden? no too long ago. Idk who knows but NO  16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I’ll still be a fucking bitch!  17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? oo.. I’m not sure. Maybe Janett 18. The last time you felt broken? I would want to say back in July? or June. summer time though 19. Have you had sex today? no 20. Are you starting to realize anything? no, i am stupid 21. Are you in a good mood? yes sure I am just sitting 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? i cant swim! 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? dark brown yes 24. What do you want right this second? um iced coffee 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? when I was in that situation i just asked why 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? I have no idea, my hair used to be black until recently now it is like getting dark brown which makes me mad 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? NO 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? i was reading twitter interactions between me, alisa, and sam earle lmao 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss seeing Angel every day, I miss seeing Adrian every day, and I’m sure I’ll miss seeing Courtnie every day. but not like i miss them in that specific way yet 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? no, i did that and it like kind of allows them to think they got a free pass for doing something wrong. this can be related to any situation too 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? talking to in which way because I do not think so no 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? i dont like anyone 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I drink coke, but I dont have coke at my apartment. I drink it here and there at work, and if I’m going to get food, i’ll sometimes get it. I would say like the amount I drink could be equivalent to 3 cans a week. 34. Listening to? Bellyache by Billie Eilish 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Only when I’m doing inventory at work or making the rough draft of the schedule, working on math which is rare, or making  a plan/rough draft of events 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? home ? 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? no! 38. Who did you last call? Leann  39. Who was the last person you danced with? no one 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? IF it was Braeden then because I was dating him IF it was Michelle it is because I was drunk 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? EW I dont even know i hate cupcakes 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? no 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? more than likely 44. Do you tan in the nude? i dont tan 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? doesnt matter to me 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No 47. Who was the last person to call you? Leann, lol 48. Do you sing in the shower? NO 49. Do you dance in the car? um? I guess 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? the plastic ones yes 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? shit probably back in 2008 or some shit  52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? I can not stand musicals 53. Is Christmas stressful? working christmas is stressful and time consuming  54. Ever eat a pierogi? i can not even pronounce that 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? apple ! !  56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Lawyer 57. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know ..  58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? hmm no. 59. Take a vitamin daily? yes, I take vitamin d3 60. Wear slippers? no 61. Wear a bath robe? no 62. What do you wear to bed? sweat pants and a tshirt  63. First concert? PAPA ROACH 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? i love the walmart 65. Nike or Adidas? I own both does not matter to me 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? hot cheetos 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? neither both are disgusting well actually i would eat the peanuts  68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? i dont know i like a few but i dont go out of my way to listen to taylor swift 69. Ever take dance lessons? hell no 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? anything that has steady income 71. Can you curl your tongue? yes?  72. Ever won a spelling bee? no 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?  honestly i dont know 74. What is your favorite book? I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter 75. Do you study better with or without music? With 76. Regularly burn incense? noo 77. Ever been in love? Sadly yes 78. Who would you like to see in concert? OMAR APOLLO 79. What was the last concert you saw? Lil Debbie ??? shit that was a long time ago 80. Hot tea or cold tea? iced tea 81. Tea or coffee? coffee 82. Favorite type of cookie? oatmeal raisin 83. Can you swim well? i cant swim at all lol 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yes wtf 85. Are you patient? depends on what it is for 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ 87. Ever won a contest? no 88. Ever have plastic surgery? not yet 89. Which are better black or green olives? BLACK olives 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? i dont care i personally dont have sex, now, until i’m close/comfortable with someone. I dont hook up or whatever 91. Best room for a fireplace? a living room 92. Do you want to get married?  no

[lordjesuschristreturn]

***Again,To all the people at the Lists, to Norxasa 53 , to all the Priests and Nuns, to the Pastors and Pastoras and to those who are planning to Adopt me from *Tau Gamma Phi*Struggling* and Alpha Phi Omega *Keeping* and to the Islam Monarchy and Christian Monarchy and to all Lawyers* out there:

*Huwag kayong magpakamatay sapagkat nandito pa naman po ako. Nasa bintana nga lang din. (*I have heard many things that the Lord our God shared to me, this time and I do not Write it Down all of it*).

*I know my Original Parents(*Their *SUSTENTO* to me are not yet to me), my Friends and my Original Lady Wife Yellow Mango *Lifetime Locked*. (*Do not be worry about this things, *Do Not Write it Down!).

*Then I’ve seen some of you, After you have some Plastic Surgery at your face but please to you, do not be Transgender same as the other. 

*Yeah, All things will be hidden to us this time because they are many people wants to kill us and most of them are *Accusing us all,most especially me (*It is Other Heads*) *Do Not Write it Down too! *.

***Again Once I died young just bury my Body (*Not good to be Eaten by Sorcerers*) then wait for me to live again after 3 Days and 12 Hours***.

***Acts 16:31 Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved you and your household.***

*I’m still here where I’am this time(***Again, I’m still here at this Address, My Complete Address here, Where I’am this time (*Just use Blankets if all of you are afraid to die young.*):

*** 28 Luzon Ave, Quezon City, 1113 Metro Manila 1925 CONVIGENERICS Galas E Cuatro de Julio St. Galas Quezon City near (sa may harap) TAMBUNTING, hbc, and PAMILIHANG BAYAN NG GALAS at (sa may likod) tabi ng Computer Shop tapat ng may Gate na may Carinderia at malapit sa may pet care, sa loob ay may mga lalagyanan ng Soft Drinks malapit sa Comfort Room, yung White Door na sira ang dorknob (nandito po ako lagi).****** My presence are in the Rain Shower and at the Clouds in the sky that color white and smooth with our true God in Heaven.*** and only Traitors and Criminals cannot find me nor see me.

*Then Visions of Daniel at the Holy Bible are still happening this time while the others was already happened now. 

*By the way some people out there are planning to kill me in *Dukot* same as to others at the Lists (*There Target: are my Original Mother, my Original Father, my Original Lady Wife Yellow Mango *Lifetime Locked* and her Original Parents*) their Evil Plans to us are Rape and Injection Lason this ahead of time while we are sleeping, Interneting nor Walking at the Street.

***Always pray this Bible Verse at all times: 

*God our Protector-PSALMS 91:1-16*

***PSALMS 91:14-16* 

14 God says, “I will save those who love me    and will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord. 15 When they call to me, I will answer them;    when they are in trouble, I will be with them.    I will rescue them and honor them. 16 I will reward them with long life;    I will save them.” *

*Holy Rosary Prayer with Holy Rosary Guide*

***The Sign of the Cross: In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

The Apostles' Creed: I believe in God the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord; Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. He descended into hell. On the third day He arose again; He ascended into heaven,and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgivness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen

The Our Father: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name: Thy kingdom come: Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread: and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation: but deliver us from evil. Amen.

The Hail Mary: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen

Glory Be to the Father: Glory be to the Father, and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

The Fatima Prayer: "O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Your Mercy". (Our Lady at Fatima, 13th July 1917)

The Hail, Holy Queen: Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy! our life, our sweetness, and our hope! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley, of tears. Turn, then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us; and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus; O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.

additional prayers

Let Us Pray "O God whose only begotten Son by His Life has purchased for us the rewards of eternal life, Grant that we beseech Thee while meditating upon these mysteries of the Most Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may both imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise, through the same Christ our Lord Amen."

Fatima prayer #2 "My God, I believe, I adore, I hope, and I love You. I beg pardon of You for those who do not believe, do not adore, do not hope, and do not love You." (The Angel to three children of Fatima, spring 1916)

Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy. Christ hear us. Christ graciously hear us.

God, the Father of heaven, have mercy on us.

God the Son, Redeemer of the world, God the Holy Spirit, Holy Trinity, one God,

Holy Mary, pray for us. Holy Mother of God, Holy Virgin of virgins, Mother of Christ, Mother of the Church, Mother of divine grace, Mother most pure, Mother most chaste, Mother inviolate, Mother undefiled, Mother most amiable, Mother admirable, Mother of good counsel, Mother of our Creator, Mother of our Saviour, Mother of mercy, Virgin most prudent, Virgin most venerable, Virgin most renowned, Virgin most powerful, Virgin most merciful, Virgin most faithful, Mirror of justice, Seat of wisdom, Cause of our joy, Spiritual vessel, Vessel of honour, Singular vessel of devotion, Mystical rose, Tower of David, Tower of ivory, House of gold, Ark of the covenant, Gate of heaven, Morning star, Health of the sick, Refuge of sinners, Comfort of the afflicted, Help of Christians, Queen of Angels, Queen of Patriarchs, Queen of Prophets, Queen of Apostles, Queen of Martyrs, Queen of Confessors, Queen of Virgins, Queen of all Saints, Queen conceived without original sin, Queen assumed into heaven, Queen of the most holy Rosary, Queen of families, Queen of peace.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray. Grant, we beseech thee, O Lord God, that we, your servants, may enjoy perpetual health of mind and body; and by the intercession of the Blessed Mary, ever Virgin, may be delivered from present sorrow, and obtain eternal joy. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Memorare of St. Bernard Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

For the intentions of the Holy Father, one may recite at the end of the Rosary one "Our Father", one "Hail Mary", and one "Glory Be".

***The Sign of the Cross: In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

***Just Pray with Us whatever Religion you have***

-Marianne Joy O IV Sacred Heart of Jesus (*Original Marianne Joy Barwel Aquines. Not Sunshine Dizon (*Still Unclean and her Sides*)  *What you see, what they got* (*Positive*), *Write it Down!*).

[davidjjohnston3]

I ask again that you not share the Tumblr with MVJ as he uses all knowledge of me against me or to imitate / try to be me rather than MVJ. I ask the same w/r/t MJ / Michael, as he resents me for various reasons to do with manipulation-leadership (such as telling him in '09 that I felt that I was going to be a doctor someday in order to hearten / give him morale when he was anguished over job-searching in the Great Recession).   I do things like this because of a film called "Late Spring" a masterpiece by the Japanese director who inspired the Taiwanese auteur about whom I wrote my RU senior thesis and met Rebecca Hu who inspired me to work hard, get that Singapore job, meet Kate again in '07 in NYC, promise her in '08 I would struggle / fight / work for 3 years to become someone deserving of her (hand in marriage if not just friendship), which is also part of why I made that '08-09 deal with Dad that culminated in me going to MTTP in Madison, meeting Chi Hye, falling in love with this gold light in her eyes, believing in angels and mountains and "They shall mount up as eagles and not stub their toe" (Isaiah), meeting Josephine Park at 7-Step and everyone else, getting promoted to Head Developer in 6 months, then quitting b/c of a falling out I had on that night I called you after 6 months' radio silence. IDK if you want to hear this but I wanted to marry Josephine / "LitGirl."  I thanked her for helping me.  IDK if you care about this she flirted with me partly by showing armpit-stubble in the summer of 2010 and I understood this because I understand "Korean American literature." She might be the most beautiful perfect ideal "jeongdakhan" (kind of 'suitable,,' or, 'spec') woman I ever met.  She went to Seoul National U. which is Korea's no.1 university and worked for an elite newspaper before taking some time off to write - she loves Emily Dickinson and, I believe, Park Wanseo, who wrote my favorite Korean short story "That Girl's House" about a promised couple in Japanese-occupied Korea who are separated by the girl's father's paranoia about Gop Dan's becoming a comfort woman and sold to be a farmer's bride in what becomes North Korea rather than marrying the "village prince" or aspiring scholar, who wants her to come away with him to Seoul... Josephine or "Jeongeun" (which kind of means perhaps "emotion-grace" or arguably "central grace" - Josephine means "love will increase" BTW and is the name of Jo from Little Women; the name she chose for herself) looks a bit like Lee Yowon the aspiring girl who gets plastic surgery in "Take Care of My Cat" and a bit like Seo Juhyun / Catherine Seo / Seohyun the youngest member of Girls Generation who was known for her probity, "Holy Seohyun" who was no. 2 in her HS before becoming the "maknae" or "final inner" / youngest and most beloved member of the nation's best-ever girl-group.  FWIW, I used to write to Seohyun on Twitter as well but she never replied.  On around the time of the sinking of the MV Sewol she wrote "we cried till our eyes dried" or so and used the word "huisaeng" to describe the victims which actually can mean "sacrifice."  I wrote to Seohyun using a quote from Dante Alighieri about beauty and pure thoughts or pure minds since I read "New Life / Vita Nuova" and "Heaven / Paradiso" in KR.  "Catherine" incidentally means "purity" as well. 2. On that night I first called you in 2011 I was out at a place with JEP and when I got back from our long phonecall she proceeded to get really drunk with foreigners I disliked from a hagwon I dislike throwing back soju and ultimately writing on the ladies' room floor throwing up.  Danny Shin asked me to go in to the BR to comfort / talk with her so I did.  I told her we should leave even before she got really drunk but she wouldn't obey me.  KJ Park arrived and said "ireona" (get up bitch) and she did.  I cursed in front of KJ Park since I felt I was being used as her crying-blankie and exploited to help her cope but never extricate from the situation.  I later had a slight heart-attack when I found out they were having an affair even as JE flirted with other men and used them I see now as "honey-trap" and to spy on all the employees.   I feel like this is the last time I will try to communicate open with you about why I am the way I am why I do what I do.  Back in 2008 you told me to use more kindness but where does that go?  It's good for little kids. Anyway before my heart-attack on that night - which impelled me to stop participating for a while in good faith with 7-Step's accelerated curriculum program working on Saturdays (which I had done happily before that) - I had been incredibly optimistic and at the same time "wise" in the "soi sage" sense reading Flaubert's last completed novel, which you might like one day, "L'Education Sentimentale" (accurately translated as "Emotional Education" since "Sentiment" sounds Victorian and sentimentality is an Anglo or Anglo-Korean category, saccharine in a way which French love and emotion are not).   I also later visited Cheonan her hometown which means "Heaven's Peace."  I walked around and years later wanted to write a novel called "Cheonan Sky" which is about the sinking of a ROKN frigate / destroyer / corvette called the ROKS Cheonan in 2010 but a North Korean suicide micro-submarine. The captain of the ROKS Cheonan never retired basically but became a military analyst for I believe either KJAD or 38North out of entailments or legacy-obligations to his men. The theme of "Cheonan Sky" is family killing family (the Korean War / civil war in general within a nation), terrorism, capital punishment by electrocution.  The ending is that the hero committed acts of 1st degree murder and terrorism and is dressed by his wife for execution after donating semen / sperm so she can have a child after his death. You might or might not be interested to know but "Cheonan" in Chinese characters is I believe "Tian'an'" like Tiananmen Square.   When I asked Josephine to teach me some Korean she said "Miryang" which means "secret sunshine" that is actually the name of a city as well a movie but known for the gang-rape of an elementary school girl.   3. This is kind of why I'm interested in terrorism, assassination, North Korean Studies, and also why I didn't know how to read people's sign about "covering love," concealing or forgiving crimes et cetera; covering sins.   I associate JEP for some reason with Russian blues and mother-of-pearl since I looked at a wedding ring which was mother-of-pearl and diamond in 2011.  In retrospect I have no idea whether she was interested in me or not or how willing she would have been to partner with me as opposed to KJ or Danny Shin or anyone else.  I won't say anything more because I don't oppose women being that way 100% although the Book of Proverbs does say not to prostitute your daughter and a British Victorian Evangelical PM used to walk the streets of London pleading with hookers to get honest if low-paying jobs (WE Gladstone who also said politics succeeds ultimately through "not love of power but power of love" a saying I associate these days with Mike Pompeo) I have come close to imprisonment and/or death lately from trying to be open w/ people in America so this is literally I ardently wish my last freebie w/r/t "teaching" people but the existence of people like Josephine also seems to bind me to SK or KR.  There is simply no way I can not go back someday.  When that ferry sank I saw an article about a foreigner graveyard in Incheon and felt what Shakespeare felt near the end of his life which was a desire beyond or parallel to after life to donate his bones to a certain plot of land.  I foolishly or heedlessly confessed this reality to Mi who became depressed and my words started to go over his head. IDK if you want to know this but I worked for a long time on a novel about the MV Sewol called "Flowers on Water" or "Flowers 1881" which is about the sovereignty of God in the deaths or waste of children as well as "It Is Well with My Soul," Chancellor / Pastor John Piper, the drowning of paedophiles in prison or others who abuse or exploit young people, and my own responsibility for failing as an HS teacher. IDK if you remember but the guy who owned the MV Sewol which sank due to unlawful loading of the hull with equipment was found decapitated with a backpack full of money in a field of maize, I believe.   There are those who believe including me that KR is not really a democracy but run by the KCIA or and/or through an organization called "One Company" or so that includes numerous military dictators, officers, many of whom used to be teachers though some were also associated with the terrorist-student radical organization (the ShiShi) that produced the Meiji Restoration and the Empire of Japan -> WW2 Pacific since the Japanese were determined not to let American "gunboat diplomacy" lead to cultural genocide or everlasting hegemony of the West over either JP or the total Far East. My last thing to you is just that there are those who believe the imperial family of JP who were restored to supremacy in gov't by the ShiShi after centuries of formalistic ritualitsic formalistic ceremonial "Chinese" rule are partly Korean in blood and Koreans themselves believe in "Minjung Theology" saying Koreans have a holy destiny worldwide which is something I believe as well. You can be 10,000% honest with me about your intentions from now on BTW.  IDK if I can get back to KR now, a year from now, or in a coffin.   It depends on money I guess.   As I reflected in my previous e-mail after my born again prayer in 2004 when I wished for unity (in the field across the street from Marshall School) I eventually got that unity around 2012 when Dad said he would work sacrificially to fix me up following my suicide-attempt and in 2013 when I told Jaeyoung that I wanted to be a principal I precipitated or incubated a process leading up to the Lead Teacher position I was offered a few months back as well as Concordia's interest in my application for their Educational Leadership doctorate.   If you want to read one more book by a Korean I urge "The Fourth Dimension" by Rev. Dr. David YongGi Cho, the pastor of a church called Yoido or Yeouido Full Gospel which claims some 500,000 members though Dr. Cho has been indicted for embezzlement and there are those who would doubt his belief in miracle faith-healing or in God's defending people from things like head-first suicide-attempts. As my student once said to me, "Thank you for everything" DJJ PS again if you like music I rec. "Marvel Not That Christ in Glory" - "Christ in p/POWER Resurrection / calling many sons to glory" - as well as a pop-song called "Please Remember Me" by a girl-group known as Year 7 Class 1 or 7-1. It is a slow ballad but the central refrain is "yaksokhae uri... kkok mannayo..." (Let us promise to meet again rapidly / immediately)...

[reinahada]

                                                                                      aesthetics for the entities, part i.           bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. rest of the fears here.  this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and  /  or upsetting content ahead !

(  i.  the buried.  )   weighed blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale. lonely subways. feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging. knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

(  ii.  the corruption.  )   insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life. an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with what you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on.  the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief. parasites.  something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out. trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

(  iii.  the dark.  )   shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night.  the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing. touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night.  time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north.  an empty church.

(  iv.  the desolation.  )   senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire. heat without a source. the third or fourth tragedy in the family.  losing everything you’ve ever held dear.  so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline.  touch that scars.  coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air. a child born in fire. death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods. animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal.  sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one.  disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair.  little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

(  v.  the flesh.  )   body horror.  factories. a hunger for something more filling. never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.   liquid of a perfect steak. fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone.  long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery.  something alien inside your body.   a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism.  forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin. scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.  cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

(  vi.  the end.  )   the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it. a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness. watching your own burial.  causing your own burial.  the smell of death.  numbness to fear.   words from someone gone. meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

(  vii.  the eye.  )   googling something you shouldn’t have. eureka moments. the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched.  a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t watch away from. endangering yourself for knowledge.  truth.  analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.   truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves. cataloguing systems.  voyeurism.  police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers.  books that read you back.

tagged by:   the actual angel @verglase​,   ty ! tagging: idk who hasn’t done it so, if you want to, let’s pretend i tagged you !

[www9981-blog]

Indonesians find Guilty Pleasure in Internet fights

Ratna Sarumpaet, a former member of the campaign team for presidential election pair Prabowo Subianto-Sandiaga Uno, is ushered by police officers at the Jakarta Police headquarters for questioning on Thursday evening. Jakarta Police arrested her at the Soekarno-Hatta International Airport in Tangerang over her alleged role in spreading false information to the public. (Warta Kota/Alex Suban)

The internet, in recent years, has started to replace television soap operas for drama-hungry Indonesians. Especially in 2018, when unnecessary fights have been started by the myriad of people both famous and not famous for the sake of provocation and a sense of dominance in the online equivalent of bar fights. The attention that these figures received showed that there is significant demand for fights and drama. Probably the most prominent internet controversy in Indonesia that took place in 2018 was the saga surrounding actress-cum-activist Ratna Sarumpaet in October, where she falsely claimed that she had been assaulted by several people in Bandung. Ratna has served as a propaganda megaphone in favor of everything related to 2019 presidential candidate Prabowo Subianto and was part of his campaign team. It turned out that the widely circulated photograph of her swollen face was just a temporary side effect of plastic surgery that she tried to spin in her favor. “There was no assault. That was just a delusion inspired by Satan,” Ratna told the media hours after the police held a conference questioning her claims. She was promptly arrested before she boarded a plane heading to Chile for what she said was a women’s rights conference. Prabowo’s camp has since distanced itself from her as a political precaution. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); It was not the only internet controversy that surrounded politicians in this volatile pre-election year that will feature President Joko “Jokowi” Widodo versus Prabowo. Some politicians still retained their consistency in picking fights with all kinds of people for the sake of their credibility. Even going toward the pop culture spectrum. For one, this year also saw the intense but still unnecessary debate surrounding the release of two films; Putrama Tuta’s biopic A Man Called Ahok and the Manoj Punjabi production Hanum and Rangga: Faith In The City. These two films came out at roughly the same time, but both carried staunch political undertones behind the screen, partly because Hanum and Rangga is about the son of anti-Jokowi politician Amien Rais’ daughter Hanum whileAhok is about former Jakarta governor Basuki “Ahok” Tjahaja Purnama, who has always been one of the president’s closest compadres. Hanum got substantial ire on the internet for allegedly instructing members of her father’s party, the National Mandate Party (PAN), to go and fill seats at the cinema, while there were similar accusations from the Ahok film camp of giving away free tickets to fill seats. Hanum herself launched her defense by posting a positive online review by one of the filmgoers as proof that the film is worth watching. A more recent controversy came from the depths of Indonesia’s myriad YouTube stars. Gaming YouTuber Qorygore entered the Aokigahara Forest, known as a popular suicide spot in Japan, and gleefully filmed his encounters with the bodies found in the forest. In his video, now taken down, he proclaimed that “this is Logan Paul 2.0”, referring to American YouTube star Logan Paul who did the exact same thing in January. Despite the backlash that Paul received over the video, which included the suspension of his ad revenue, Qorygore seemed to forgo all common sense and recreated the stunt for the sake of viewer numbers. He later clarified his actions in a video saying that he had a permit to film inside the forest and suggested that he did not get close to the bodies “out of respect”. Aside from these major controversies taking place on the internet, in reality there are hundreds of others that took place on both a small and large scale. It would be impossible to list them all and correctly determine which ones are truly public controversies. From the laughable political debacle regarding the claim by Prabowo’s spokesperson Dahnil Anzar Simanjuntak about running mate Sandiaga Uno being the equivalent of Indonesian founding vice president Mohammad Hatta — which was fiercely rejected by Hatta’s outspoken granddaughter Gustika Jusuf Hatta — to celebrity beefs such as the ones surrounding bombshell Nikita Marzani, model Luna Maya, pop diva Syahrini and Vicky Prasetyo’s unlawful stalking of his ex-wife Angel Lelga, there was just too much to bear for Indonesians to consume.   But at least some noble Twitter accounts such as @Lambe_Turah and@InfoTwitwor are willing to take one for the team and document almost every single feud that happened on the Indonesian internet. Bless their souls for doing something none of us really want to do to quench our thirst for drama.

[wiremagazine]

SPOTLIGHT FILMS: 21 OF THE BEST 2018 OUTSHINE FILM FESTIVAL FORT LAUDERDALE EDITION FILMS

Photos provided by OUTshine Film Festival

BOY ERASED (U.S., 2018) Director: Joel Edgerton In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: Boy Erased tells the story of Jared (Lucas Hedges), the son of a Baptist pastor in a small American town, who is outed to his parents (Nicole Kidman and Russel Crowe) at age 19. Jared is faced with an ultimatum: attend a gay conversion therapy program or be permanently exiled and shunned by his family, friends, and faith. Based on the best-selling novel, Boy Erased is the true story of one young man's struggle to find himself while being forced to question every aspect of his identity. Beautifully written and superbly acted, this has Oscars written all over it.

BOYS (France, 2018) Director: Christophe Charrier In French, with English subtitles 

OUTshine Synopsis: Two moments of Jonas' life intertwine, each reflecting the other: in 1995 when he was a secretive teenager, and 18 years later as an attractive and impulsive thirty-something looking for balance in his life. His life was turned upside-down when he was 14 and met Nathan, a charismatic friend who was both intriguing and daring. Now an adult, this memory still haunts Jonas and he's unable to shake free of it. He walks through the town of his past trying to put his life in order.

CANARY (South Africa, 2018) Director: Christiaan Olwagen In Afrikaans, with English subtitles 

OUTshine Synopsis: Canary is a charming musical drama chronicling one teen's struggle to find his voice in 1985 South Africa against a backdrop of apartheid, religion, and war drafted – Johan joins the Canaries (the South African Defense Force Church Choir). He believes it will keep him out of fighting a war he is against, but he soon begins to see the role he plays in the oppression and injustice around him. The Canaries teach him that through hardship, camaraderie, first love, and the liberating freedom of music, his true self can be discovered.

CONSEQUENCES (Slovenia, 2018) Director: Darko Štante In Slovenian, with English subtitles 

OUTshine Synopsis: After being sent to a youth correctional facility, 17-year-old Andrej meets Željko, the informal leader of a group of inmates. Soon Željko starts exploiting Andrej in return for keeping his homosexuality a secret, thus causing Andrej's sense of responsibility and moral integrity to be put to the test. Andrej must ultimately choose between Željko and his reckless lifestyle and staying true to himself. 

GIRL (Belgium, 2018) Director: Lukas Dhont In French and Dutch, with English subtitles

OUTshine Synopsis: Fifteen-year-old Lara's goal is clear: to become a professional ballerina. Supported by her father, she attends a prestigious dance school, dedicating herself to the grueling journey. But the frustrations and impatience of adolescence intensify as she gradually faces the daunting challenges classical ballet imposes on the body of a girl born in a boy's body. Winner of the Camera d'Or and Prize of the Best Actor at this year's Cannes Film Festival, Girl presents a fundamentally supportive environment for the protagonist while making clear the challenges she faces.

JUST FRIENDS (Netherlands, 2018) Director: Ellen Smit In Dutch, with English subtitles 

OUTshine Synopsis: Joris is very attached to his plastic surgery addicted mother, while freewheeling med student Yad is forced by circumstances back home to his strict mother. The two meet and seem to be made for each other, and want to become more than "just friends." But before they can surrender to their love they first have to balance things with their mothers – which will not be easy. Just Friends is a romantic comedy sure to touch your heart.

MY BIG GAY ITALIAN WEDDING (Italy, 2018) Director: Alessandro Genovesi In Italian, with English subtitles 

OUTshine Synopsis: Antonio and Paolo live happily together in Berlin and are finally getting married. They decide to celebrate in the small village in Italy where Antonio grew up. While his mother immediately supports his intentions, her husband Roberto, the town Mayor, is much more reluctant. Paulo, who has not spoken to his conservative mother in a long time, must get her to the wedding as a condition of the marriage. Throw in a couple of wacky roommates and the aisle to the altar is paved with hilarity, hijinks and lots of love!

REACH (U.S., 2018) Director: Leif Rokesh In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: Socially awkward band geek Steven (Garrett Clayton) is planning to kill himself, but then is befriended by Clarence, the new quirky kid in school. They form an inseparable bond as Clarence finds creative ways to pull Steven out of his depression. Steven reaches out of his comfort zone forming stronger relationships with his father, friends, and teachers. Reach out, be kind, save lives. 

RIOT (Australia, 2018) Director: Jeffrey Walker In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: In 1978 when the push to decriminalize homosexuality in Sydney has stalled, a group of activists decides they must make one final attempt to celebrate who they are. Led by a former union boss, they get a police permit and spread the word. On a freezing winter's night, they cloak themselves in fancy dress, join hands, and parade down Oxford street. But they have no idea that angry police lie in wait, and the courage they find that night will finally mobilize the nation. We have Stonewall. Australia has Mardi Gras. And this is how it began. 

STUDIO 54 (U.S., 2018) Director: Matt Trynauer In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: Studio 54 was the epicenter of '70s hedonism – a place that redefined what a nightclub could be but also came to symbolize an entire era. Ian Schrager and Steve Rubell came out of nowhere to preside over a new kind of New York society. With unprecedented access to Schrager, who tells the whole unvarnished story for the first time, and a treasure-trove of rare footage, director Matt Tyrnauer constructs a vivid, glorious portrait of a disco-era phenomenon and tells the story of two friends who stuck together through an incredible series of highs and lows. 

TENN (U.S., 2017) Director: James Franco In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: Tom (Tennessee) Williams, an aspiring writer in his 20s, lives with his overbearing mother and negligent father (Vincent D'onofrio). Tom attempts to maintain peace in the family while also dealing with his depressed and anti-social sister. Struggling against the societal pressures and expectations of him, Tennessee is determined to hone in on his artistic talent and achieve greatness. Directed by James Franco, Tenn focuses on a young Tennessee Williams struggling to find his voice and at the same time his true self as a gay man in 1930s St. Louis. 

THE ANGEL (Argentina, 2018) Director: Luis Ortega In Spanish, with English subtitles 

OUTshine Synopsis: Produced by Pedro Almodóvar, Luis Ortega's stylish, pop-infused, true-crime thriller traces the rise of one of Argentina's most notorious serial killers – Carlos Robledo Puch, the longest-serving prisoner in Argentine history. It's 1971 and Carlitos (Lorenzo Ferro) is an angel-faced Buenos Aires teen – and a successful small-time thief. When he meets the handsome and hard-as-nails Ramón (Chino Darín) at his new school, the pair is instantly drawn to one another and soon embark on an escalating journey of violent criminality.

THE HAPPY PRINCE (UK, Germany, Belgium, Italy, 2018) Director: Rupert Everett In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: Sequestered at a remote seaside hotel in France, a buoyant Oscar Wilde (Rupert Everett) is soon restlessly traversing Europe under assumed names beset by familiar, warring impulses: to reunite with his estranged wife (Emily Watson) or his former lover whose past provocations brought Wilde to ruin. Fading health, dwindling funds, and still more betrayals await Wilde who relentlessly seeks love and creative outlets in various taverns and alleyways. Everett shines bright, evoking the spirit of the once celebrated fallen genius who finds divine light even in the darkest corners of life. 

TUCKED (UK, 2018) Director: Jamie Patterson In English 

OUTshine Synopsis: When veteran drag queen Jackie Collins receives a diagnosis with six weeks to live, all he wants to do is perform his long-running act and behave as if all is normal. But between a surprising new friendship with a rising young queen and unfinished business with his estranged daughter, he may just have the most eventful month and a half of his life. A feel-good film with charm and humor as well as surprising insight into our evolving understanding of gender identity across generations. 

IT'S RAINING MEN (MEN'S SHORTS)

FEMME Director: Alden Peters, U.S., 17 minutes 

ODD JOB MAN Director: Marianne Blicher, Denmark, 22 minutes

SAILORS DELIGHT Directors: Jonas Ritter, Loucas Rongeart, Louise Aubertin, Eloïse Girard, Amandine Thomoux, Marine Meneyrol, France, 6 minutes

SAM DID IT Director: Dominic Burgess, U.S., 10 minutes

SOMETHING ABOUT ALEX Director: Reinout Hellenthal, Netherlands, 19 minutes

SPARROW Director: Welby Ings, New Zealand, 15 minutes

THE BOY WHO WANTED TO FLY Director: Jorge Muriel, Spain, 15 minutes

This was originally published in Wire Magazine Issue 41.2018

[gaiatheorist]

Blind faith.

(I’m smirking at that play on words, but my left eye is already ‘going’, it remains to be seen, or not-seen whether I’ll be able to see anything at all on the left side soon enough. It’s annoying, but I can work around it by turning my head, and not moving around any more than I need to, having one eye ‘gone’ buggers your depth/spatial perception.)

The NHS is celebrating its 70th ‘birthday’. Inception date, I suppose, and I genuinely doubt there’s much celebrating happening. Someone has posted a link from a BBC Radio programme asking ‘Is the NHS a new religion?’ I was going to say I hadn’t read it, but it’s radio, I haven’t listened to it. My immediate thought? “Is it bollocks!”, I then tangent-bounced through various “Religion is bullshit!” opinions, before remembering that I do have a religion of sorts. THEN I remembered all of the people I wanted to punch after my brain haemorrhage, for telling me I was ‘lucky’ and ‘a miracle’, and ‘must have a guardian angel.’

Semantics, but words are my thing. I wasn’t ‘lucky’, I was a statistical anomaly, the type/grade of haemorrhage I’d had has a statistical mortality rate of between 80 and 90%. The 10-20% of us that ‘wake up’ don’t all immediately shout ‘Hallelujah!’, and claim that we have ‘seen the light’, because a lot of us can’t speak, or see. The dancing in the church aisles has to wait, too. I can mostly walk and talk now. Sometimes I walk into things, sometimes I fall over, and sometimes I assess the risk of walking, and decide to stay sitting down, to avoid significant injury to myself. I can talk in relatively short bursts, until my concentration starts to fog, and I start word-slipping, or babbling absolute jumble. I repeat myself A LOT, and I quite often think I’ve told people things when I’d actually just THOUGHT ‘remember to tell...’ I am in varying degrees of pain at all times, and have only just started accessing prescription analgesics, after three years of gritting my teeth and ‘getting on with it’ through the pain haze. Lucky? I’m alive.

I’m not ‘a miracle’, I’m a stubborn bastard. That obstinate streak could have killed me. When the aneurysm ruptured, when I felt the irregularity in one of the arteries in my brain burst, and was struck down by the most blinding, indescribable pain I have ever experienced, I played it down. I told the friend who was with me that I thought it was a migraine, and then tried not to vomit in my office bin, because I didn’t want to put a dampener on his weekend. I told the ex I needed to sleep, and, when I woke up, and vomited in my son’s bedroom, it wasn’t a ‘miracle’ that he woke the ex, it was his judgement that there was something seriously wrong with me. There was, the rupture was pumping blood into my skull, which is a closed unit as far as circulation goes, my brain was being crushed. It might have been a minor miracle that the ex got out of bed, but that’s just me being bitchy. It wasn’t ‘a miracle’ that the ambulance was eventually sent, or that the ambulance crew eventually agreed to take me to hospital, that was a clinical decision based on my presentation, they didn’t have scanner-eyes, they couldn’t see what was happening. My ‘Glasgow Coma Scale’ rating was around 7 on admission to hospital, I had very basic muscle-response, virtually no eye-response, and was non-verbal, and unresponsive to verbal commands. At that point, I was probably ‘dying’, there wasn’t much of me ‘in there.’ 

Another not-miracle was the clinical decision to send me to another hospital, rather than write-off the drooling, cross-eyed lump that I was at that point in time. The surgeries that saved me weren’t miraculous, they were examples of skill and judgement by the medical staff. (On a Saturday morning, I’ll add, for the type of politician who likes to infer that the NHS is a Monday-Friday 9-5 institution.) I don’t have a time-line for the surgeries, the first one was similar to something from a horror film, the second more of a futuristic science fiction thing. Intubated and anaesthetised, the surgeons shaved a chunk of my hair away, used a bone-saw to make a groove-incision in my skull, and a drill to make a small hole. That’s not the goriest bit. Then, they very carefully punctured the membrane that stops your brain chaffing against your skull ‘subarachnoid membrane’, I think, and it probably made a right old mess, with the blood, and cerebrospinal fluid that was causing the hydrocephalus. Membrane punctured, they laid some sort of plastic tubing from the large incision at the front of my skull to the small drill-hole at the back. (I’m sorry, I should have asked if you wanted a sick-bag.) Plastic tubing, along the surface of my brain, poking out of the hole in the back, and draining the STINKING accumulated fluids out of the water-bomb that had been my brain-sac, into a plastic bag on one of those IV-stand doofers. High-end trepanning, isn’t it? It wasn’t ‘a miracle’ that they didn’t slip with the drill, or the bone-saw, it was technological advances in imaging, that meant they knew how deep to go. It wasn’t ‘a miracle’ that the bit of tubing IN MY SKULL didn’t track bacteria or infections into my brain, it was scrupulous attention to cleanliness and infection control. ‘Drain infection’ is a real thing, I’m glad I didn’t Google that phrase until afterwards.  That was the horror film bit.

What they did next was amazing, a marvel of technology and medical expertise combined, but it STILL wasn’t a miracle, it was ‘hard’ technological science, combined with knowledge, and centuries of medical developments. Also very steady hands. Having drained off the fluids that were physically crushing my brain, it was assessed that the bleeding was coming from a ruptured aneurysm on my Anterior Communicating Artery. Imaging also noted two other aneurysms in there, but science is logical-rational, they weren’t urgent or life threatening, the ruptured one was. Linear-logical-analytical, although my ex and son had been taken into one of the quiet side rooms, and told I might not ‘pull through’, and I wouldn’t be ‘the same’ if I did, the risks of the surgery were minimal, compared to the battering my brain had already given itself, they weren’t going to make me any worse. I can’t even find the scar from that surgery. An incision was made in my groin, over the femoral artery, and a surgeon guided wires and cameras and all manner of improbable machinery into my brain. Science knows that the human body builds scar tissue around foreign bodies it can’t eject, so, that’s what the surgeon did, he fired multiple tiny platinum coils into the burst aneurysm, to encourage scarring. (Don’t weigh my head in at Cash Converters, I assure you it’s worth more to me, and I bite.)  A ‘miracle’? No, science and technology.

‘You must have a guardian angel!’ No, just no. My survival, and subsequent ‘recovery’, although impossible without the NHS intervention at point of need, were all down to me. There’s no delusion of grandeur about that, it was a life-altering medical emergency, with a statistical mortality rate averaging 85%. Most people don’t survive at all, and the majority who do don’t go back to work six weeks later. The NHS is strained beyond breaking point, I wasn’t ‘discharged’ from hospital, because there wasn’t a doctor on the ward, so nobody told me what I was, or wasn’t ‘allowed’ to do. Two weeks after my brain leaked, and my head was hacked into, I just sort of wandered out of the hospital, because the ex was whining about being bored of waiting. Everything after that first two weeks was me, because when I eventually had my rehab clinic appointment, I was an absolute horror, and told the poor woman that I WAS going back to work, that I WASN’T going to ‘be looked after’, or ‘make colour-coded charts for household chores.’ Yeah, I misjudged how ‘better’ I was going to get. My bad. 

Despite having ‘a religion’, I’m not a big fan of the organised mainstream religions. I was raised Catholic during my formative years, and I never quite managed to step out of the ‘Shit, I’m going to get caught!’ guilt-trip, into the ‘if I do get caught, I’ll just atone, and it will be fine.’  I didn’t ‘put my faith in God’ after the haemorrhage, I trusted the medical staff to do the best they could, and hoped my body would eventually repair itself. 

My religion. A couple of hundred years ago, I would have been burned for it, you get the drift. I’m a throw-back, a glitch in the system, because I understand most of how the human body works, based on science, but I can also pinch a bit of a plant between my fingers, and tell you, from the smell, what medicinal value it would have. It works, my son has been prescribed pharmaceutical drugs twice in his entire life, and I’ve successfully treated animals with herbs and aromatherapy oils, you can’t argue placebo-effect on that. I’m that weird old woman, living mostly alone, except I’m not in a tumble-down shack in the woods, I’m in a detached house in a cul-de-sac just off the main road, couldn’t tell you if my right-hand neighbours have two children or three, and today was the first time I ever spoke to the lady-neighbour on that side.    

Here’s the old cross-over between medicine and religion, that old woman in the woods would have been feared and revered, but, with the emergence of science and medicine, that link was lost. I genuinely don’t believe that the ‘pray for...’ Facebook posters have given any thought to the immense unlikelihood of a collective consciousness having any impact on a dog with ham on its face, or whatever they’re babbling about now. I think it’s just a ‘thing’ that’s stuck. We don’t believe that our soul is going to fly out of our nostrils when we sneeze, that’s just snot, but we still say “Bless you.” The ‘thoughts and prayers’ phenomenon drives me insane, I think it’s just as much of a reflex-nothing as ‘bless you.’ 

I don’t think that the people mouth-barbling, or typing that nurses are ‘angels’ are drawing any real correlation between over-worked, under-paid humans doing phenomenally difficult work, and cherubim and seraphim, they’re just weightless words. There has been a shift, with the advent of the internet, and the increasingly litigious nature of society. The ‘man in the white coat’ is no longer as respected or revered, because we all have Dr Google now, and can look up our symptoms, disregard the first result that says we’re clinically dead, and stomp into our GP’s surgery to tell them what’s wrong with us, and what we want doing about it. (If we haven’t actually died during the 4 week wait for the next convenient appointment.) 

My ex father-in-law had prostate cancer. He’s all clear now because he ‘went on the computer’, and looked up emergent techniques available locally. This is a man approaching 80 years of age now, who always followed his doctors instructions to the letter. To the extent that, when I queried whether he should STILL be ‘on tablets’ for his ‘bad toe’, he shushed me, as the doctor hadn’t discontinued his prescription. I can’t remember what the medication was, but it wasn’t intended for long-term use, and accumulated in his liver and kidneys, causing significant damage requiring surgery. From a man who wouldn’t question his doctor, he became a man who would. (Still paid no attention to me, I was just ‘a girl’, not a doctor or nurse...) 

It’s not all good, because the NHS has limited funding, and, if we all demand everything we’ve seen on the internet, and the poor over-stretched GPs are concerned about legal action, we will screw it into the ground. Free at point of use is what we’re used to, but that Gods-like obedience to whatever our doctor says is slipping away. (I know, I’ll only see one of the three doctors at my surgery, because the other two are fond of ‘everybody gets that’, and ‘you survived, what more do you want?’ The third one listens and responds, he doesn’t just dismiss, and THAT is the relationship I need.)  

Doctors are not Gods, we do not worship them. We respect them, but we do not revere them as our spirit-guides, and we know they can’t hex us. The NHS is ‘a Godsend’, in the loosest sense, thousands, if not millions of us would be dead without it, but to ask if it is ‘a religion’ is the silliest of wordplay. People who say ‘Thank God!’ generally aren’t, and people who do ‘Thank Gods’ generally don’t bandy the phrase about, lest it lose weight, a Djinn only gives a fixed number of wishes, after all, and there’s a price to pay. 

I’ve been tapping away at this, in fits and starts all day. I am thankful for the functionality that the NHS managed to save, and I’m wary of the way that the government is asset-stripping and disassembling it. For 70 years, the UK has had free medical care at point of need, and, this week, almost 20 ‘non-urgent’ surgical procedures were removed from the available catalogue of things we’ve always had access to. This anniversary will see many of us reflect on life-saving, and life-preserving procedures, care and compassion. It will also see many people reflecting on why they had to leave the NHS as an employer, lack of funding and cohesive support mechanisms mean that the system can no longer function as it was intended. Is it a religion? I don’t believe so. Is it fundamentally a compassionate and humane service, intended to preserve and prolong life? Almost certainly, for now. Our ‘Christian’ Prime Minister would do well to acknowledge that. 

[drkennethhughes]

Many people view a person of faith as a sucker or a weak individual. However, Christians are people with strength of character who fight against societal and personal wrongs. They do not acquiesce to unreasonable demands made by others. They stand against those who try. Dr. Kenneth Hughes gets a lot of questions as to why a plastic surgeon posts scripture and Bible verses on his Instagram account. Those who are looking for before and after pictures and reviews and procedure information and things of that nature can find all of that on Dr. Hughes‘s website at www.hughesplasticsurgery.com. Dr. Hughes is taking this opportunity in life to spread the word about something that is much more important than plastic surgery. Dr. Kenneth Hughes has chosen to post bible verses to honor God and Jesus rather than post photos of before and after plastic surgery procedures including Brazilian butt lift or BBL, breast augmentation, butt implants, body contouring surgery, liposuction, breast lift, and breast surgery in general. Both Instagram and Facebook have pursued censorship of photos and it is simply not worth posting photos on either medium. Let the Lord prevail. Dr. Kenneth Hughes in Los Angeles has performed thousands of these liposuction and Brazilian butt lift procedures. You may visit Dr. Kenneth Hughes’s website at https://www.hughesplasticsurgery.com/los-angeles-before-after-photos/ to view before and after photos. #lipo #liposuction #liposuctions #lipo360 #lipo360bbl #plasticsurgeon #plasticsurgery #losangelesplasticsurgeon #liposuctionlosangeles #tummytucklosangeles #drkennethhughes #drkennethhughesbbl #drkenhughes #kennethhughesmd #kennethhughes #mommymakeoverlosangeles #bblspecialists #drkennethbenjaminhughes #bblsurgery #bblexpert #liposuctionexpert #liposuctionexperts #godisgood #godisincontrol #godblessamerica #godfirst #godisgreat #breastaugmentationlosangeles #breastliftlosangeles #rhinoplastylosangeles https://www.instagram.com/p/COrFJ0Kt03m/?igshid=1eklb767isd6f

[enzaime-blog]

stranger to miracles

New Story has been published on https://enzaime.com/stranger-to-miracles/

stranger to miracles

“I felt Fox Chase was the right place for me.”

Sister Marcille McEntee is no stranger to miracles.  As a Sister, and Servant of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, her faith is deep and abiding.  Yet to see a miracle at work in her own life is still a special blessing.   Sister Marcille lives on the grounds of Immaculata University west of Philadelphia, where she teaches English literature, women’s studies and theater. In August, 2013, at the age of 64, she went in for her routine physical.

Although she’s dealt with diverticulitis in the past, Sister Marcille was not experiencing any unusual symptoms but her urine sample showed traces of blood. “That was the only time that happened,” she said, “never before or since. If it hadn’t my cancer wouldn’t have been found.” After some tests, her doctor told Sister Marcille that she had a growth on her urethra.

Her gastroenterologist performed a PET scan which revealed a rare kind of cancer, a mucosal melanoma. “At that point, my urologist admitted ‘this is beyond me. You need to go somewhere else’,” she recalled.  “Several of the Sisters in my community and an aunt had been treated at Fox Chase, so I prayed about it and did some research. I liked the team approach at Fox Chase. I felt Fox Chase was the right place for me.” Sister Marcille’s treatment team included Marc Smaldone, MD, a urologic oncologist; Stephanie King, MD, director, minimally invasive gynecologic surgery, melanoma specialist; medical oncologist Sujana Movva, MD; and Neal Topham, MD, a plastic surgeon. “From the moment I met them, I felt I was in the best hands possible,” she said. “Dr. Smaldone is wonderful, as is his entire team. After discussion by the whole treatment team, they explained they would have to perform a cystectomy and vaginectomy.  They needed to take out practically everything including my bladder. I would be left with an ileal conduit (urostomy) to drain urine.”

Her surgery was scheduled for October 14, 2013. Sister Marcille took the news in stride. “It’s hard to explain, but my view of what happens to me is based on my faith.  I trust that whatever God has planned for me, I will be all right.” The surgery, performed by Drs. Smaldone, King, and Topham, was a success. Sister Marcille’s cancer was contained and her surgical margins were cancer-free.  “I can’t praise the Fox Chase team enough. Dr. Smaldone even gave me all of his phone numbers and said if I needed him I could call day or night.” After two weeks in the hospital, she spent about a month in a rehab center before coming home.  “I really had no pain,” she said.

The Fox Chase therapists successfully helped Sister Marcille deal with her “new normal.”

Dealing with her “new normal” urostomy was traumatic at first, said the Sister.   “The first time I had to change my bag, I cried and cried, I was just so upset,” she recalled.  “But I had two wonderful angels by my side to help me,” she said.  A sister in her order had the same situation because of cancer 13 years earlier, and generously helped Sister Marcille become used to the routine of self-care.  And Fox Chase therapist Tina O’Mara worked with her as well.  “She’s a marvel, the kind of person that makes you feel calm and assured; just a phenomenal person. Now it’s no big deal, just part of my weekly routine.”

After she regained her strength, Dr. Movva and her team met with Sister Marcille and proposed that she go on a series of Interferon infusions as adjuvant therapy to prevent disease recurrence. “They were very up-front about it,” she recalled.  “My cancer is so rare, and very aggressive, so there is not much data on it but Interferon has been effective with other types of melanoma. I knew they wouldn’t do anything that would hurt me more than necessary, so I agreed to do it. But it was rough. I’ve never been that tired in my whole life.”

Dr. Movva and the team discussed the Sister’s options. Her body was starting to have a rheumatoid arthritis/lupus reaction to the drug. “We had a discussion. They listened to my input and I felt respected. It wasn’t all of them deciding for me. We all agreed together that I stop the treatment.” As a result, her follow-up scans and blood work look good.

“As far as I know, I’m cancer-free,” she said. “Any anxiety I may have had about my condition has dissipated because of God’s Grace and my implicit trust in the Fox Chase team.”