#Anyone can do what i do tbh

[amiryllisthorn]

theres a post i want to word right, but its hard, because its about how there are people who look up and respect me as an artist or friend and im just here depressed and filled with alchohol like "yeah you can do better"

Its more conplicated than that, but for instance, one main thing is that I am pushing my own style and my own direction for my work(which is i think the strongest its ever been) and then but at the same time pushing myself further away from a portfolio which companies are actually looking for- they oft want very specific styles and colour and desuturated blues and grays with thick black lines are never what they are looking for.

And so I am just kind of stuck.... here, and I just dont know what to do besides just keep on going.

[inkskinned]

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

[ineed-to-sleep]

So I've had this wip sitting in my folders for months now and decided to ressurect it to satiate the urge to draw these two again

[revenantghost]

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

There's a Vash and Wolfwood dog papercraft

[1960z]

how people go about interpreting dr bashir I presume? really frustrates me sometimes ngl especially the “jules bashir died” scene.

like that whole scene is about julian revealing the depth of how deeply his augmentations fractured his sense of identity and who he is - which feeds into the themes of the whole episode surrounding how disability and then by extension disabled people are often viewed as a problem to be solved and because of that are often denied the ability to have fulfilling lives because the able bodied people around them don’t believe that they can.

but… idk, when the fandom talks about it there’s always seems to be a push to read a trans allegory into it that I don’t think is really there? I keep mulling over this post in my mind and when I initially reblogged it I didn’t really want to talk about this because the post is about how stories about racism can be hijacked by white people to be made about their own transness and it felt like as a white person, using that post to complain about ableism would be missing the point. but it really helped me articulate in my mind why the trans reading of this episode feels off to me because the same general principle seems to apply and that is taking a story trying to discuss a specific type of marginalisation and putting a trans reading above it because you can relate more to it personally.

“jules bashir died in that hospital because you couldn't live with the shame of having a son who didn't measure up!” this scene is the culmination of julian expressing his pain about what was done to him as a disabled child by his parents due to how they viewed his disability. but often when I see it being discussed, people aren’t really interested in talking about that. instead supplanting it with a trans reading instead which, in my opinion is an allegory that doesn’t even really work when you think about what’s going on in the broader context of the scene.

julian didn’t stop going by jules because he came to the conclusion on his own that the identity didn’t suit him similar to the way a trans person questions or rejects the gender they were assigned at birth, he stopped going by jules because he felt like the identity attached to that name was taken from him because of what his parents did. it’s not julian affirming who he wants to be it’s grieving over who he can’t be and to me at least, it’s honestly kind of harrowing.

and as an aside: when people read transness into a story about parents who change their child’s body and mind at a very young age without consent, which is literally a narrative projected onto trans people by transphobes to justify the curtailing of trans rights, that also doesn’t sit well with me. I think people latch onto this reading because of the idea of “killing a name” but again in the context of the whole episode the trans reading really doesn’t feel appropriate.

I think it’s okay for people to have trans headcanons about julian of course or literally any character they want to really, but I think saying that specific episode codes him as trans isn’t all that great honestly.

[xxsircharlesxx]

Considering these two little gay men have taken residence in my mind 24/7, I think it only fair they start paying rent

[humanmorph]

(transcript by @violentandmagnificent)

It’s quiet here, living in your head. It’s quiet here, and when I talk, you listen, at least when you can hear me, which isn’t always. It isn’t always, but it’s better than never. It’s quiet here, living on this ship. It’s quiet here, and I remember when it was loud, I remember different voices bouncing in these halls, I remember old arguments, I remember myself. I wonder how much I can tell you; because  I can tell you; I have much to say. But you never saw me astride the Prophet’s Path, beside the Resin Heart, imparting wrath and play. So who am I? You only know what they’ve told you. So who am I? You only know what’s written down. So who am I? You only know what’s on recordings, and according to the world, I’m a hypocrite, or drowned. I doubt you can hear me, but I know that she can. So pardon my frustration, I’m just tired of her plan. I lost my life long before I understood, before metaphor became real, before I felt the wheel’s wood. I wonder what she’ll tell you. I wonder what she’ll share.  I wonder what she’ll ask of you, what task of sweat and prayer.  I long to sweat and pray, a body in the day. The color of the sun. The touch, the ocean's spray.  The last thing that I felt in life. (The first thing that I felt in life.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I hope she tells the truth to you. (I hope she tells the worst to you.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I loved her like she told me to. (I left her like she told me to.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  We’re running out of time, you know? (She’s running out of time, you know?) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I fear we might be mirrored, two echoes of a call shouted between two queens, two queens who want it all. I fear we might be symmetry, I fear we might be one. Make her tell the truth to you before we come undone.

PALISADE 37: Reach In / Reach Out Pt. 1

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[elfsyellowflowerzart]

take two of yesterdays little doodle, using the ref this time

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Just popping in to say i LOVE UR ART SO MUCH WAUGH!!!! Its soooooooo exoressive and u get across emotion and movement SO WELL!! I love ...littlr apple ...so much.....u imbue this donkey with Such Chaos

I love this little chaos creature, we should all forfeit our mortal possessions to her.

[sea-buns]

I understand not wanting your party members to walk into a lake and drown themselves but also Laudna has the fuckin WORST bedside manner lol. Yes, your much-needed long rest was just interrupted in a creepy abandoned town where you know weird charm-shit happened and the LAST thing you need right now is for anyone to lose focus. But also "Can you not wait? You can wait 5 minutes." talking to someone who has waited months and doesn't know if their loved one is even ALIVE and has confessed to you how much he misses them and how much it hurts and they could be outside breathing alive right now—

And on the surface, it looks like Chet is enabling a bad decision when he says "You probably heard Dorian. He's probably outside." and yeahh, okay, maybe he is a little bit. But right after that he's about to protest with something about Orym and it's like yeah. ORYM said he heard something. When has there been a time when ORYM heard something, and it wasn't real? How many times has Orym heard something and it's saved our asses? Before Chet is being hit with his own need to check out the lake, he's giving Orym the benefit of the doubt. And while he is an enabler by nature, he's keeping his voice soft rather than his usual, over-the-top "let's fuck around and find out" energy that he brings to dangerous situations like this.

You can't have everyone in the group treating a dilemma with the same amount of sympathy and care. What makes the BH so fascinating to watch is the variation in responses and different ways they interact with each other. You need a balance of someone who will take the cold, unyielding stance against something that is so obviously a trap, and someone that is aware of the risks but willing to speak up for that person and humor them when they're so clearly struggling.

I have a lot of feelings about Laudna and Chetney's instinctual responses and I think both stances are fascinating and they've both shattered my heart to pieces

[sea-jello]

practice i did a while ago w poses i found on instagram plus the i think memories prompt from morrotober that i didn’t want to do the background of so never finished

[svtskneecaps]

a list of timestamps, for no reason :)

thesis statement : No, what blue did tonight and what red did the last two nights are not the same.

disclaimer: this is not a judgement of right / wrong, this is a glorified compare and contrast paper.

a TL;DR is available at the top, immediately following the keep reading link (which i hope, for your sake, is still there).

for each vod i have compiled the time stamps first, and then under the heading "notably" have compiled and compared them.

this is the most toxic i will allow myself to be.

TL;DR:

Blue team on Day 4 took 2 seconds from first task claimed to last. Red team on Day 2 took 5 minutes 14 seconds from first task claimed to last, and on Day 3 took 42 seconds.

Blue team on Day 4 was vulnerable in the area for 2 seconds before claiming their last task. Red team on Day 2 was vulnerable in the area for 8 minutes 31 seconds, and on Day 3 was vulnerable for 12 minutes 10 seconds.

The time blue team spent getting situated before logging out in global is not counted in this as being vulnerable because it is not a viable strategy for an entertainer to waste 4 hours of their limited time camping global to ensure no one is logging out.

Red team claimed their first global task on Day 3 with 13 minutes until the server closed. On Day 4, Etoiles and Roier arrived to stop blue team from applying the same strategy with 15 minutes until the server closed.

Blue team's actions on Day 4 did not leave them open to any reasonable retaliation efforts once Tubbo logged out. The moment he logged back in, the tasks were as good as complete. Unless another content creator metagamed, they would not be able to stop him.

Red team's actions on Day 2 and Day 3 did leave them open to retaliation. They were not fast, they often did not have the items they needed crafted in advance and spent time in sight of the global task dome crafting the items. If a team had been waiting for them to try this at the global task dome as Etoiles and Roier did for Blue team, that team could entirely have succeeded in killing them or ruining their plans.

The global tasks on Day 4 were already functionally blue's 4 hours before they were claimed. Even if the disaster hadn't affected global, the way it was supposed to, the only thing left would have been revenge. There was no preventing it once Tubbo logged out.

The global tasks on Day 2 were open to reclamation for an hour after red team claimed them. By Day 3 blue team was aware of red's strategy and had a full 12 minutes (at a predictable time! see below) in which they could have attacked red and stopped them.

What blue and red team did was not the same.

Below are the time stamps I used to get this data and draw these conclusions. I've included links to vods for verification purposes. These links are not future proofed.

November 7th, 2023: Day 4 of Purgatory

TubboLIVE's VOD:

1:47:20 : Tubbo logs out of the server, behind the blue "contracts" NPC. He has 15 minutes 32 seconds of server time remaining.

5:50:23 : It is 3:48:52 am in Tubbo's time zone. Tubbo shows the clock on his screen. There are 11 minutes and 8 seconds until the server closes.

5:50:49 : Tubbo loads in, behind the blue "contracts" NPC. It is 3:49:41 am. This is the first moment the game is visible on his screen. He has 15 minutes 03 seconds of server time remaining.

5:50:50 : Tubbo claims the first of the global tasks.

5:50:51 : Tubbo claims the last of the global tasks. It is 3:49:43 am.

Notably:

Functionally, tubbo was standing behind the blue NPC, invincible, for 4 hours 3 minutes and 3 seconds

There is a 29 second period of server time that I can't account for.

The total time it took for tubbo to claim every global task after loading in is 2 seconds.

The cooldown for every global task before it can be reclaimed is 10 minutes. In this case these ten minutes started at 3:49:42 and 3:49:43 am. The first moment any of these claimed global tasks can be reclaimed is 3:59:42 am, with 18 seconds until the server closes.

Etoiles's VOD:

4:56:08 : With some leniency, this is the first clear view of the blue "contracts" NPC and the spot Tubbo is "standing" shown on Etoiles's stream.

*(the blue NPC comes into view at 4:56:06 but whether Etoiles would have seen Tubbo there is dubious enough that I have opted for a later time stamp)

4:56:12 : Etoiles and Roier enter the global task dome. They are standing directly to the left of the red NPC; on the opposite side as the blue NPC. The spot Tubbo is "standing" is clearly visible on Etoiles's stream. Etoiles has 10 minutes 40 seconds of server time remaining. There are roughly 15 minutes and 30 seconds until the server closes*.

*(Time calculated roughly using Tubbo's log in message; this is not exact)

4:56:17 : Roier is standing in front of the blue "contracts" NPC.

4:58:03 : Without leaving global spawn, Etoiles disconnects to get a buffer on his time limit. Remembering that there is a disaster coming, he immediately re-logs to avoid the combat logging penalty. Roier does not disconnect during this time.

4:58:18 : The first frame of the game is visible after Etoiles relogs. Etoiles has 8 minutes 53 seconds of server time remaining.

4:58:45 : The quicksand disaster starts, affecting global spawn despite admins having informed Etoiles previously that disasters did not affect global spawn.

5:00:08 : The disaster ends.

5:01:17 : Tubbo logs in. There are roughly 10 minutes 11 seconds until the server closes.

Notably:

Roier is standing three blocks away from Tubbo's log-in point (effectively, three blocks away from Tubbo) at 5 minutes before Tubbo logs in.

Were Tubbo logged in, waiting physically at spawn, Etoiles and Roier would have been able to initiate combat 5 minutes and 5 seconds earlier. Both had plenty of time on their server counters to participate in this combat, albeit Etoiles would have been kicked before server close. Roier would not be (source: Slime's vod, 2:45:05 and on. There is no disconnect message for Roier before the server is closed at roughly 2:45:08).

Were Tubbo logged in, waiting physically at spawn when Etoiles and Roier arrived (at roughly 3:44:37 am in Tubbo's time zone, 15 minutes and 23 seconds before the server closed), and had claimed all global missions at that time rather than risk dying in combat, the missions would have been able to be reclaimed at roughly 3:54:37 am, with about 5 minutes and 23 seconds before the server closed. This is 5 minutes and 5 seconds more than the actual time.

November 5th, 2023 : Day 2 of Purgatory

This is the first day red has used this strategy.

Cellbit's VOD:

6:52:27 : Cellbit arrives at the plaza outside the global task dome (Carre is already here; he wasn't streaming so I don't know when he arrived).

6:52:49 : Cellbit enters the global task dome. He backtracks to the right of the global task dome, and sets up a crafting area to craft items for the tasks somewhat out of sight of the dome. He is 96 meters away from the dome.

6:55:34 : Cellbit re-enters the global task dome.

6:55:44 : Cellbit claims the first global task for red team (electrolytes). The cooldown is 10 minutes 41 seconds.

6:55:49 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (radiation medicine).

6:55:55 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (campfires).

6:56:04 : Cellbit leaves the global task dome and sets up a second crafting area to the right of the dome after losing the first. This area is in full view of the dome, and is roughly 61 meters away.

6:57:40 : Cellbit dumps every item in his inventory except for iron and minecarts and a shield into a chest (he is functionally defenseless).

6:58:18 : Cellbit re-enters the global task dome.

6:58:23 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (minecarts).

6:59:12 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (diamonds).

6:59:49 : Cellbit gets his sword out of the chest (he is no longer defenseless).

7:00:58 : Jaiden claims the last global task for red team (rails). The bananas task remains unclaimed.

7:01:01 : ElQuackity is visible outside the dome on Cellbit's stream for the first time. Cellbit chases him.

7:04:34 : Cellbit kills ElQuackity, putting red team in the lead.

7:48:07 : The server closes.

Notably:

Red team is physically present, visible, and murderable / stoppable at the global tasks area for 8 minutes 31 seconds.

Red team takes 5 minutes 14 seconds to claim their global tasks.

The cooldown on these global tasks leaves at minimum 36 minutes 28 seconds to reclaim, maximum 41 minutes 42 seconds to reclaim before server close.

If a team were to have come up to the dome during the 8 minute 31 second period, they would have seen the team and could have attacked or stopped them.

There is a 2 minute 9 second period where Cellbit literally does not have a weapon in his inventory.

If a team were to have come up to the dome while the red team was still crafting the global quest items, they could have attacked and prevented the team from crafting the items and forced them to retreat without claiming those goals.

November 6th, 2023 : Day 3 of Purgatory

This is the second day red has used this strategy.

Cellbit's VOD:

3:39:11 : Cellbit sees Bagi on the bridge to global. There are 24 minutes and 2 seconds until the server closes.

3:39:49 : Cellbit enters the global dome, standing just to the right of where the red NPC is on November 7th.

3:40:24 : Cellbit exits the global dome to craft the water bottles needed for the global task.

3:42:58 : Cellbit crafts the final water bottle needed for the global task.

3:43:28 : Cellbit, Foolish, and Carre re-enter the global dome.

3:44:15 : Cellbit and Carre exit the global dome to inspect Bagi's body. Foolish exits the global dome to use the crafting table.

3:45:36 : Cellbit and Carre re-enter the global dome.

(There's a few more entrances and exits from the dome during the following period, though they stay within the area marked with Bagi's body, the global NPCs, and the crafting table as corners : Never much more than 61 meters away and never out of sight of the dome)

3:49:45 : Cellbit sends the message "hey guys we are about to deliver global tasks you should come!" There are 14 minutes and 18 seconds until the server closes.

3:50:39 : Cellbit claims the first global task for red team (tea leaves). There are 13 minutes and 26 seconds until the server closes.

3:50:59 : Carre claims one global task for red team (gas masks).

3:51:01 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (hot cocoa).

3:51:09 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (water bottles).

3:51:12 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (backpacks).

3:51:21 : Carre claims the last global task for red team (tea). There are 11 minutes and 52 seconds until the server closes.

4:03:13 : The server closes.

notably:

Red team is physically present, visible, and murderable / stoppable at the global tasks area for 11 minutes and 28 seconds before they turn in any global tasks.

Red team takes 42 seconds to turn in all of their global tasks.

The cooldown on the global tasks leaves at maximum 3 minutes 26 seconds of time to reclaim, and at minimum 1 minute and 52 seconds to reclaim.

If a team were to have come up to the dome during the 11 minute and 28 second period, they would have seen and could have attacked red team.

If a team were to have come up to the dome in the 3 minutes 47 seconds between red team arriving at the global dome and red team crafting all the water bottles for the global task, they would have seen and could have attacked red team.

[samarecharm]

I should add poledancing to the list of odd talents that Akira has but has no business having due to growing up in a small suburban town. I only had access to it bc i had a YMCA that had a MASSIVE gym (in a criminally underfunded part of the city); there were poles put up alongside some other structures to allow counselors to make up some shit for us to do lmao

Hes got a flair about him; speaking from experience, it is FUN to do gymnastic shit like that, and its really really REALLY good for ur core. Other things on the list are basic gymnastics (he hates that shit tho, the classes he took sucked ass), Parkour (loves this; less about running and more about utilizing ur core and bracing for falls), and Knife Flipping/Spinning. Theyre all odd things that coincidentally ended up being VERY good experience for the metaverse :) YEAH the metaverse makes it easier to pull off tricks, but he already knew how to do all those things; you cant get Ryuji or Yusuke to spin kick off a pole wo having them fall and bust their ass- Its ALL skill babey

[revolutionarysuicide]

another fundraiser to support

[pagannatural]

Never mind! this show still fucks