Before I got my eye put out
I liked as well to see —
As other Creatures, that have Eyes
And know no other way —
But were it told to me — Today —
That I might have the sky
For mine — I tell you that my Heart
Would split, for size of me —
The Meadows — mine —
The Mountains — mine —
All Forests — Stintless Stars —
As much of Noon as I could take —
Between my finite eyes —
The Motions of the Dipping Birds —
The Morning’s Amber Road —
For mine — to look at when I liked —
The News would strike me dead —
So safer — guess — with just my soul
Upon the Window pane —
Where other Creatures put their eyes —
Incautious — of the Sun —
Emily Dickinson, “Before I got my eye put out,” from The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson
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Before I got my eye put out –
I liked as well to see
As other creatures, that have eyes –
And know no other way –
But were it told to me, Today,
That I might have the Sky
For mine, I tell you that my Heart
Would split, for size of me –
The Meadows – mine –
The Mountains – mine –
All Forests – Stintless stars –
As much of noon, as I could take –
Between my finite eyes –
The Motions of the Dipping Birds –
The Morning’s Amber Road –
For mine – to look at when I liked,
The news would strike me dead –
So safer – guess – with just my soul
Opon the window pane
Where other creatures put their eyes –
Incautious – of the Sun –
by Emily Dickinson.
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OP I LOVED UR ANDREIL POST GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT IT if you have anything else in that amazing brain of yours on this take please do share because i absolutely LOVED how you articulated this aspect about andreil. its something i particularily appreciate about their dynamic and relationship with anger and Their Issues TM. your post will cross my mind whenever ill think about it from now on.
I don’t think I have ever gotten an ask and this is kind of making me go insane??? I hope you know that you made my day and also, I’m so glad people share in my endless brainrot bc when it comes to this series and these characters I simply cannot stop
It really isn’t nearly talked about enough that the thing that got Andrew to actually look at Neil and become interested was (as cited by Neil himself at some point tho I can’t remember in which book that scene is from the top of my head) Neil’s bone-deep jealousy of Kevin. It’s—it ties into that whole epiphany that Neil has at some point, when he looks at Andrew and realizes that while he is hurtling towards his own breaking point and about to burn out and shatter into something he’s not sure he’d recognize if he survived the encounter, Andrew hit that point and broke from it years ago. And that’s an understanding that goes both ways between them—in a fucked up way, it feels like Andrew might be the future that Neil has waiting for him if he doesn’t end the year six feet under: hollow and drifting, passionless after everything he had to rip away from himself to be able to survive. At the same time, Neil probably reminds Andrew of how he used to be, back when he had hope for things only to have that hope rip him apart—which is exactly where Neil seems to be headed for the majority of the story.
I think that a lot of Andrew’s understanding of Neil comes from the fact that he knows intimately what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place and cut his own lifeline, only to then fail to die on impact. Neil hasn’t had to resort to that yet, but he is hanging by a thread. You’d think that watching him struggle would only serve to drive it home for Andrew that he made the right choice in closing himself off, except… well. His expectations of life and the people in it are so bleak, it’s no wonder he finds himself drawn to Neil’s messy emotions and every unexpected show of spine like a moth to a flame.
Neil, for all of his issues and scars, can still feel things—can still want something so badly it defies all logic. Can want something with such visceral, fucked-up intensity that it resonates where it shouldn’t. It’s an ability that Andrew thinks he’s either lost or cut out of himself to stay somewhat safe, sane and alive a long time ago, but that remains as the most fundamental crack in the foundation of his being. It’s a fascination that seems to come out every time he’s sober and eventually ties into him wanting Neil—wanting something worth wanting and putting a name to it once he finds it. They look at each other and don’t want a watered-down version of the person in front of them. It creates a relationship that embraces issues big and small and accepts (even values!) the messy parts of being human. It means that any space shared between them immediately becomes safe once they settle into something comfortable together. The way they handle the uglier sides of each other’s personality honestly makes me feral because it’s always done with understanding and acceptance and they even find positives or comforts there that the other can’t see and that’s probably a reason for why 1) their chemistry is so off the charts and 2) their relationship is so damn healthy (in addition to their communication being stupidly good when it comes to each other).
Andrew wants something real and Neil wants to be real. And then they get to have exactly that.
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*sobbing* daryl dixon is so bad. it feels like it was written by coping every other zombie story but without a drop of creativity. is so boring, so predictable, the characters are so boring.
ep 1 dixon arrivies at the nun place, doesn't want to take the *mysteriously special* kid with him. why will he change his mind? but sure the nuns get all killed by a sort of militia that decided the nuns were responsible for the murder of one guy. of course it's the nuns!
ep 2 the group has dinner with some kids. there's the most predictable oxigen tanks drop and explosion and then they keep on walking.
there was a woman that hid a 7 months pregnancy to her sister, even tho they lived together, and you can't hide a 7th month belly. magical kid has the same origin story as the kid from the last of us. identical + the nuns. who are the people i would trust the most in case of a medical emergency. i mean we all know how nuns these days study anatomy and medicine.
now poor adnag that so far has been given the blandest generic douche boyfriend character!! he was really there trying to pull a face cupping that would make a marine sergeant blush and betray his country, all the while saying 'lets leave your sister on the road while we run'. what person in the world can think this line can work. lets abandon your pregnant sister on the road during a zombie apocalypse. this is just stupid. who would agree? who wrote this line and thought it was a plausible conversation? they just needed to make this scene believable, like pregnant sister is starting to have contractions in the car and then he panics and wants to leave her behind and non-preg sister leaves him. and it makes more human sense like uugh. who can ask a person to leave their sibling during the apocalypse? but this is the level of character depth we have in this show. this is the level of writing we have to witness.
and why everyone has to speak english even when they're between them? even when dixon isn't around. if you don't want them to speak french then don't set the story in france. if you want them to speak english all the time then never make them speak french from the begin and we can just pretend they're speaking the language of the audience. let them speak french!
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