#Believe you me I felt very clever at the realization of that pun lol

[sysig]

He¥ $@il0r (Patreon)

Bonus:

[edasnest]

Might you have any Raeda headcanons you'd be willing to share?

Oh shit I didn’t see that you sent this to me until now oh man.

But you better believe I’ve got some Raeda headcanons >:D

[Spoilers for Eda’s Requiem and Knock Knock Knockin on Hooty’s Door! Also a little bit of a character study regarding those eps lol]

Raine is constantly in awe of Eda. Eda’s desire to learn every kind of magic and buck tradition and societal norms sometimes leaves them breathless. When they were young, Raine always admired Eda for the clever pranks she’d pull using different kinds of magic despite being in the potions track. They also admired Eda’s boldness when it came to standing up for herself and her sister.

Eda found Raine to be interesting considering they were in the bard track despite their stage fright, but once Eda watched them perform and saw how they’d lose themself in the music was, no pun intended, magical. They had a fierce grip on Eda’s heart and she didn’t know why; she was fascinated by Raine and made it her goal to be best friends with this oddly shy bard (which she achieved pretty quickly).

After Eda’s curse caused her to unintentionally disable her dad, she was terrified of what it would mean if she was caught off guard like that again. So she started putting up walls. No stressful situations, no hard conversations, no sudden bright lights or loud sounds that she wasn’t the cause of. If she could be in control of her surroundings, she could control the Owl Beast. The elixir she’d discovered that could keep the curse’s side effects at bay helped maintain her sanity and her chill demeanor, but Raine was able to tell she was always slightly on edge. Raine knew about the curse; after Eda had transformed on the Grudgby field the first time everyone had been talking about it, but they didn’t know the extent of it. Everyone just said she’d turned into a monster and then fled; but what kind of monster?? But every time Raine tried to get more information about it, Eda would brush it off and change the subject. It broke their heart watching Eda brush off something that was clearly bothering her, and eventually it all came to a head. She was lying more and more often to Raine and they just couldn’t take it anymore. What happened to their best friend??? Why would she lie to them????? It was maddening and all the frustration and aching in their heart became too much. They needed to focus on something other than Eda. They weren’t nearly as bold as Eda, even after all these years, so they joined the Bard Coven in order to start teaching and building a career for themself. They’d happily welcome Eda back if she’d just tell them what was going on. But it never happened. Burying themself into their work and then, eventually, into the BAtTs helped keep the heartache at bay, but only sometimes.

Eda and Raine caught glimpses of each other as the years passed. They’d spot one another in the market or Raine would see a flash of unmistakable ginger hair dashing around a corner; sometimes they’d hear Eda yelling at some Coven guards and quietly hope she’d make her escape. Eda would occasionally see posters advertising a performance starring Raine; she’d either buy a ticket or sneak in just to listen to them play again. She could never stay for very long though because listening to them play made her heart hurt so much she’d be at risk of turning into the Owl Beast. Raine grabbed one of Eda’s wanted posters and keeps it hidden under some other paperwork in their desk, pulling it out sometimes and going over every detail of the artist’s rendition of her. One day, a new wanted poster came out - this one with a weird skull dog now part of the image and the bounty having increased significantly. Raine would always smirk whenever they saw the new version, although they were alarmed the first time they saw her drawn with all-grey hair. When had that happened? They weren’t that old yet, right??

The day Eda saved the BAtTs and figured out Raine’s secret was maybe the best day Raine had had in years. Their best friend was talking to them again, helping them with their plot. Raine didn’t bother pushing Eda about the last 20 years; their last conversation proved enough that Eda didn’t like it when people pried. But Eda had become not just older, but so much more kind and open. To a degree that sort of shocked Raine. When they asked Eda if she had nothing to lose and Eda took their hand, it was like they’d gone back in time. As if they were both 20 again and daydreaming about a world they’d create for themselves where covens weren’t there to shackle witches down and stage fright didn’t exist; where Eda’s curse never happened and they could stay there on that hill forever.

Eda of course was warring with her own emotions during all of this; she was under the impression that everyone in her life was leaving her again. And not because she was pushing them away this time, but of their own volition. She got her big sister back only for her to go back home to their parents after just a few weeks. She overheard King talk about leaving to find his dad and her apprentice - the first person to ever break down all of Eda’s defenses and show her how to love again - was constantly working on ways to go back to her own home. Eda would be left with Hooty and Owlbert and absolutely nobody else and that hurt so much more than she cared to admit. So when Raine showed up in the town square with their BAtT mask on, using their magic to turn some coven guards into bumbling fools, Eda was a little shell-shocked. The first person to leave her of their own volition was right there in front of her and needed help. So she helped them. And when she became invested in their plots to free wild witches, she felt like she was a teenager again, plotting out pranks with Raine in her secret shortcuts room at Hexside, blushing at every interaction they had because even after all this time, Raine was still Raine. Her Rainstorm. It was like she was starting over, like the last 20 years had faded away, except they hadn’t. Because Luz and King were competing in a race that she needed to be there for. Her past and her present were all different types of painful but finding Raine like this again gave her so much hope! Until she realized she wouldn’t see the end of that race, not if it meant stopping Belos. And she was ready for that, ready for the pain to just stop already, but Raine wouldn’t let her.

Losing Raine again was so much worse the second time. But what they said stayed with her and Eda needed to get back to King and Luz. So when she got back and discovered they’d lost, of course her first thought was to help them. Anything to take her mind off of what she’d just lost. And when King announced that he wasn’t leaving at all, he was legally changing his name? She was “stuck” with him forever? That was too much and she just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Someone wasn’t leaving her. In fact he was legally binding himself to her. No one was leaving, at least not any time soon. Eda definitely still cried more that night after King and Luz had gone to bed.

In the future, Eda and Raine agree to start from scratch: Eda explains the curse to them in detail, all the things she’s learned about it over the years and specifically with Luz and King and Hooty’s help. She explains that Lilith was the one that gave it to her to begin with and why (Raine is appalled like???? Raine specifically worked with Lilith in that last year before they had been made head of the Bard Coven?? And Lilith showed maybe irritation at best at the mention of Eda, so like?? What the fuck???). Eda also explains how she’s come to accept the curse as something that’s part of her and the history the Owl Beast has that she got a glimpse of which is super intriguing to Raine. Also Harpy Eda was a thing which was maybe the most surprising part of it all.

Raine in the meantime tells Eda about their time working their way up the ranks of the Bard Coven, how they met each of the BAtTs and recruited them, the façade they had to maintain to stay on track to become the head of the Bard Coven (something that greatly impressed Eda given Raine’s history with being an awkward actor).

Eda introduces Raine to Luz and King to which both of them start shooting rapidfire questions at them and overwhelm them pretty quickly. Eda has to shoo the two away before Raine just bursts out laughing, saying something about how they’re definitely Eda’s kids (all of them blush while Raine is laughing). Luz is just as fascinated with Raine’s Bard magic as Eda was when they first met and the similarities between the two are striking. Raine tells Eda as much later on and Eda begins gushing about what a great apprentice Luz is and everything she’s done during her time on the Boiling Isles.

They fall easily back into dating once they reconnect properly and everything’s calmed down a little - Raine will still be humming a piece they’re working on and suddenly grab Eda and begin dancing to the tune, Eda laughing the whole time and making their heart soar. Eda will still play with Raine’s earring when they’re cuddled up together just chatting. Raine will start asking Eda again for her opinion on musical pieces they’re working on and Eda will make suggestions along with some jokes or snide commentary. They both still love watching the clouds overhead on their hill, sometimes playing music, sometimes just holding hands.

Raine loves watching Eda interact with Luz and King. They love watching how easily Eda loves them and how much she’s changed since they first broke up. Once they’re alone together, in a moment total admiration for how far they’ve come, Raine tells Eda they love her. Eda immediately kisses them and starts crying, repeating Raine’s words back to them and mumbling about how she’ll never let Raine leave ever again.

A canon Non-binary love interest to a main character that uses They/Them pronouns??? In my kids cartoon???? It’s more likely than you think.

Anyways I fucking love Raine and I love how much Eda and Raine love each other and I can’t wait to see what ends up happening with Them™️

[miyacchis]

Notes from a Con Man - Musical Great Pretender Stage Report Act 1

This is a bit extremely rambly, but I want to give some description of the distinguishing features of the staged version of Great Pretender as compared to the anime, although my plan is not to give a complete recap of the plot, as I’m sure anyone who is choosing to read this has watched the anime - or so I assume, but you know you do you. I try to control myself and keep it just to what is relevant, but I’m also a wordy bitch and that will never change, so, reader beware, I guess.

 The stage is set up with three levels (the stage level, the second floor, and the third floor where the band is). Both the stage level and second floor have a couple of rooms that can be pulled out or opened, and backgrounds are projected onto the set to create different settings. With the exception of the opening theme, which is taken from the anime, all of the music is live, and there’s very good interplay between the band and the performers, and I don’t know if I’d ever been to another show that felt so vibrant/alive/idk?

First, the biggest change made for the sake of clear storytelling on the stage is the addition of a framing device: the plot is conveyed to the audience through Edamura’s (Miyata Toshiya) narration as he tells his story to a prosecutor after the events of LA Connection. The play opens where LA Connection ends with Edamura being questioned at a police station, where it’s clear that he has been attempting for hours to convince detectives to believe the team-confidence-wild-and-wacky-adventures ™  explanation as to how he came to be in possession of a bag stuffed with foreign currency. Detectives are fed up with him and ready to go berniewiththesteelchair.jpeg on his ass. Enter Kitaoji (Kato Ryo), an elite prosecutor who seems to be on track to become attorney general, although it is unclear to those at the police station why he would take interest in Edamura’s case. 

Edamura is initially reluctant to open up to Kitaoji (Kato Ryo), certain that he won’t be believed, but after Kitaoji quotes from Shakunetsu (side note: I had no idea that in English Shakunetsu was turned into Die Hot which is an absolutely incredible pun and I really commend the translator), Edamura thinks Kitaoji might be just the person to believe him and help him to make amends to all those he had harmed through his life of fraud. Kitaoji encourages Edamura to start at the beginning and goes to eat a piece of candy, prompting Edamura to question, “What would you do if this simple piece of candy was sold for $5 million?” at which point he begins telling his story, transporting us first to a club in Hollywood where we are introduced to the plot with Sakura Magic and, more importantly, Laurent (Miya Rurika, goddess, dressed devastatingly in green), who is identified in quick succession as a French trader, an arrogant Don Juan, and the “bastard who got me into this mess.” 

Edamura bumbles through Laurent’s plot to build hype and clinch a deal with Cassano (Otani Ryosuke) by having Abby (Yamamoto Chihiro) “test” the “drug,” while giving small asides to Kitaoji to explain the main players and reveal to him that this is all a con job, but when Edamura is called to sign the contract to supply Cassano with the drug for $5 million, he flips out, pulls Salazar’s (Mikami Ichiro) gun, and flees the club, without the excuse of believing that he had taken drugs as he did in the anime. It is also not at this point that Edamura makes the connection between Laurent and Kudo and realizes that he’s been set up (Miyata!Edamura is overall a bit less perceptive than Kobayashi!Edamura, as we shall see, although I think this was a function of simplifying aspects of the characters’ interactions for the sake of clarity for the stage). 

Kitaoji pops in and out of the story from this point, donning different costumes (an unhoused person, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, Razzie from the Shakunetsu series, etc.) to illustrate different aspects of the main characters’ conversations, and he serves as a way to get into Edamame’s head, allowing him to express what he is thinking and feeling as events in the story play out. It is in the metanarrative that we get some of these more comedic scenes, as well as additional insight into Edamura’s character as he grapples with his own identity as a scam artist and the son of a child trafficker.

After escaping Cassano’s henchmen outside the club, Edamura rejoins Kitaoji to ask if he’s following the story so far, which of course he is not (lol), so Edamura dives into how he met Laurent and came to be in LA. From here we flashback three days, joining Edamura and Kudo (Fukumoto Shinichi) in Asakusa as they spy Laurent as a potential mark. Edamura pulls the wallet-switch trick, and this scene generally follows the anime, although parts, such as the scenes showing Edamura selling water filters and Edamura and Kudo being raided by what seems to be the police, have been cut. After realizing that Laurent pickpocketed him and saw through his grift, Edamura quickly follows and catches him as he is about to depart in a cab to the airport. Just a moment to talk about this cab because it was such a cute, clever idea; it was really just a little push car driven by one of the supporting cast, and it can be disconnected in the middle, so as the driver pulls off, the back seat can be left behind, allowing the audience to watch Laurent and Edamura’s conversation as they are taken to the airport. 

Similarly to the anime, the successive scenes are nominally delivered in English, so Edamura switches to a dialect of Japanese to represent his accented English, which I mention only because Miyata discussed Edamura’s code switching with Kobayashi (Edamura’s Japanese voice actor) in an interview in vol. 51 of Stage Square and how he was concerned that he might confuse Standard Japanese and the dialect during scenes where he has to go back and forth quickly. Kobayashi reassured him that as he got into the character of Edamura Miyata would naturally fall into dialect whenever speaking to Laurent and Abby, and I’m very biased, buuuttttt throughout the run of the show, Miyata performed this beautifully, and as someone who for several years lived in the Tohoku region, the dialect of which Edamura’s accent reminded me of, his accent made me really nostalgic. 

Anywayyyyyy

After Laurent and Edamura bet on the outcome of Laurent’s upcoming “business negotiations” and it’s agreed that they will travel to LA together, the opening theme plays, the main cast is introduced, with Edamura running up and down the set to give a sense of action, the title in massive letters is lowered onto the stage, and we rejoin the main plot with Edamura trying to elude Cassano’s gang on the streets of LA by hiding behind the title. The supporting cast gives us some great background color as like random people in LA, like we’ve got some girls with Starbucks cups, some people breakdancing while simultaneously mugging a Dodgers fan, a skateboarder shouting “STREET”...for some reason. Perfect encapsulation of America *chef’s kiss*

Laurent finds Edamura and tells him to come home because he’s a good boy (😳), and Edamura is then introduced to Abby who, just as in the anime, kicks and knocks him out, after which they collect him and take him to an upscale hotel where Cynthia/Paula Dickens (Senna Ayase) is performing as a jazz singer. Laurent greets her briefly, but we don’t properly get introduced to her character until a later, very frustrating scene, but I’m not going to get started on that yet (it’s not her that’s frustrating, but it’s how they chose to have her and Edamura meet, but anyway we’ll get there). She sings “Summertime,” and it’s a lovely performance; all of her acting choices are very clearly informed by her experience in Takarazuka - she has these really dynamic, almost over-the-top movements and she uses that to her advantage to be one of the more comedic actors - and it’s really entertaining to watch.

Laurent orders them drinks; Edamura has something pink in a little martini glass, and he splutters when he tries to take a sip because he can’t handle his alcohol, which makes Laurent laugh, giving a lot of credence to Laurent’s statement soon after that he derives a lot of pleasure out of toying with naive boys like Edamura who pretend to be tougher than they really are. There’s also some funny adlib with Abby at this point where she gets brought different plates of food like fake fruit on one day and a tower of donuts on another. Laurent explains who Cassano is and the plan to defraud him and gives Edamura a notebook with a fabricated recipe for Sakura Magic, so the notebook is not part of what Edamura prepares himself when he goes later to get himself captured by Cassano to negotiate with him. Edamura has a couple of outbursts accusing Laurent and Abby of putting on airs, pretending to be carrying out justice, repeatedly interrupting the band who give him dirty looks and Shi-won, dressed as one of the saxophonists, loudly blows the saxophone back at him, and this prompts Laurent to be like nah we’re getting too much attention here let’s continue this back at the hotel. 

The hotel scene is fairly similar to the anime, but once Edamura is left alone, we get the first instance of him thinking about his family as he reflect on what Laurent had to say about how people don’t always believe the truth that is in front of them as they would rather believe whatever is most convenient. He flashes back to his family going home together after his father finished a case (the hotel room is on the second floor with his mom and dad entering on the stage level; the younger version of Edamura is done in voice over), and of course they seem like a happy family, although it’s interesting that what his dad has to say about ethics was cut from the script. The scene focuses more on Edamura idolizing his father as a great lawyer.

Okay, so we’ve finally come to the scene I absolutely hated and did not think was necessary, after Edamura leaves the hotel room. He is approached by three unhoused persons, one of whom he at first thinks is Kitaoji coming to interrupt the narrative again, but he soon realizes that they are “real homeless.” It was really just a disgusting, cruel stereotype; one of them is playing with a rat they found, another is acting like a junkie, and the ringleader is trying to get money off of him because they haven’t eaten in three days and then they steal his little Toyotomi Hideyoshi figurine and play keepaway with it and don’t stop until Cynthia/Paula Dickens (at this point she’s Paula tho so I’m going to refer to her that way) enters and is like knock it off. So that’s how they meet. Cool. They could easily have come up with something else and they just didn’t.

But, anyway, since he got his figurine back, he explains to Paula that his hobby is collecting capsule toys, and during his explanation, a gacha machine is projected up on the stage, out of which comes Kitaoji dressed as Toyotomi, followed by a bunch of other figures from Japanese history. This part always got a pretty good laugh out of the audience, and I think it was a pretty cute way to stage it. Paula insists they go to dinner together, so she can hear more about Toyotomi, and the capsule toy figurines all follow to a diner (serving “breadfast” 24hrs lol) where Shi-won is dressed as someone named Ricardo. The figurines all start to get drunk, while “Ricardo” fixes Edamura and Paula some tacos; meanwhile Edamura explains that Toyotomi began as a simple peasant, but because of his hard work and study, he was able to climb all the way to the top and unite all of Japan as a powerful lord. 

Edamura asks why she decided to help him before and he despairs that he must seem like a beaten dog, but she explains that while she might seem confident, she faces tremendous anxiety getting on stage every day, particularly as she wants to make it big as a performer but can’t expect to get the attention of a label just because she can sing a bit. (In the background, Francis Xavier is completely sloshed and ends up drinking with Ricardo) Edamura suggests that she take inspiration from Toyotomi as someone who was able to trick even his enemies into working with him and represent herself as someone more important than she is to get music producers onto her side. She seems fired up by this proposal, and she says that she’ll follow the example of Toyotomi, “Japan’s best confidence man,” which gives Edamura his own motivation to get back to trying to win the bet with Laurent. He asks Paula to wish him good luck and runs off, and we get the first dance scene with Edamura and a number of samurai as he builds up to confronting Cassano. The scene ends with him running into a video shop, presumably to rent Cassano’s movies.

Laurent and Abby are called to Cassano’s mansion - they argue if Edamura is capable of pulling off a job like this, although Laurent insists that he has a natural talent - but they are certain that he must be dead when they hear from Salazar that Edamura was taken into their custody at the airport trying to run. However, Edamura bursts onto the scene, dressed in a new Hawaiian shirt, and at this point, Miyata looks as though he has been in a swimming pool, but it’s just sweat lmao. Cassano informs them that he’s made a new deal with Edamura for $10 million, and when they ask how, we get a flashback showing how he got onto Cassano’s good side by praising Shakunetsu with Kitaoji, as Razzie, acting out scenes from the Shakunetsu movies on the second floor of the stage. Whenever Cassano hugs Edamura in these scenes, it was really funny because his jacket would get just absolutely covered in Miyata’s sweat just ugh gross lol 

Cassano’s accountant joins them and they play out the whole bit about confirming Edamura’s credentials as a pharmaceutical scientist, at which point Edamura finally realizes that Kudo is working with Laurent, when he calls Kudo to thank him for deceiving Cassano’s attorneys. After Cassano has confirmed Edamura’s identity, he takes the crew to his factory and insists that Edamura make Sakura Magic for them right there and then so that they can be sure to properly replicate his recipe. She does this the whole play, but particularly during this scene, you can really see how well Miya Rurika portrays Laurent as always calm and and in control before Edamura but as quietly losing his shit whenever he feels like they’ve been backed into a corner, and we also get some very cute like Laurent clearly being exasperated with Edamura but the two of them starting to be able to play off one another as they convince Cassano that the factory isn’t up to snuff for making Sakura Magic. 

They have to clear out because they hear someone coming, but Cassano promises that he will build a new laboratory for Edamura and entrusts his care to Salazar. The police bust in after everyone has left; Anderson does the absolute most to show off to everyone that he’s properly securing the scene, but he’s clearly relieved that Cassano slipped through their fingers once again oh my how does this keep happening oh well better luck next time. We get a proper introduction to Paula and Shi-won as members of the FBI who have come to investigate Laurent and his organization (Paula has changed into this beautifully tailored brown tweed pantsuit and she pulls it off so well), and Paula threatens to expose Anderson’s connections to Cassano if he doesn’t follow her lead.

After the scene in the factory, we return to the present in the interrogation room with Kitaoji and Edamura. Detectives bring Kitaoji additional files on Edamura, asking if the prosecutor has heard of the attorney Ozaki. They inform him that Edamura is Ozaki’s son, and Kitaoji is a bit shocked; he leaves, saying that he will review the files. The detectives collect the money before exiting the room, but not without getting in a dig at Edamura, telling him that he clearly takes after his father. Edamura is stricken by this statement, and the act ends with Edamura battling with this internal conflict. 

I don’t think anyone would want to read all of this, but if you have, thank you so much. I hope some of it at least was interesting or informative. I’m going to end there for now, as I’ve already gone on for too long, and I’ll finish writing up the second act in another post.

[fortunatelylori]

People are not what they seem – Thoughts on episode 7

This episode was a bit of a mixed bag for me. There were moments I loved but overall it left me more than a little frustrated.

Sparks joy

Arthur Parker

Arthur has always sparked joy for me. His pineapple takedown was one of the most iconic moments of this show and he does not disappoint in episode 7. A lot of people were surprised to see him make the salient points to both Sidney and Georgiana. But I would argue that’s because they haven’t paid attention to Mr. Heywood’s warning back in episode 1.

People are not what they seem in Sanditon and you shouldn’t let what other characters think about one person or another influence your opinion of them. Arthur might be a hypochondriac but, by and large, he has been considerably less trouble to anyone than the likes of Georgiana or Tom. He has also always been, in his own way, incredibly wise and brave. He asked Georgiana to dance when everyone was staring at her in a state of shock and he taught Lady Denham a lesson when even Sidney remained silent.

So it’s no small wonder that the task of reminding Sidney that Eliza Champion might not be the most trustworthy person in the world falls onto him.

It could hardly fall onto Tom … Listen I’ve tried my best to be as understanding with Tom Parker as I could be, making excuses for him left and right. But no more! In this episode alone, he tries to pass off his passive aggressive bullshit onto Mary when she rightly makes him see that hanging around Lady Denham’s drawing room like a carrion crow makes him no better than the likes of Edward Denham. He fallows that up by trying to push his younger brother into a quickie wedding to a woman that abandoned him in favor of a richer husband and sent him on a self-destructive path that almost killed him. What a bozo!!!

At the very least, as his older brother, it was up to Tom to advise Sidney to be a little careful in restarting his relationship with Eliza. But no, that task falls unto Arthur because Tom can’t be trusted with anything more challenging than miniature house building.

Esther and Lord Babington

Speaking of people not being what they seem, these two are by far the biggest surprises Sanditon has to offer. Esther started off as a combination of Mary Crawford and Caroline Bingley and she’s turned into freaking Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight over here!

Don’t ever let anyone tell you Sanditon is just a shallow bodice ripper because the way it went about effortlessly depicting a woman struggling through an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist is masterful! And her setting herself free of Edward in this episode was glorious!

As was Lord Babington proving to be a better Darcy than Darcy himself. His deep empathy for her, his complete rejection of Edward’s bitter gossip mongering and his unconditional support was truly moving. Bless him and his orange handkerchief!

PS: Give this man a first name, Davies! He’s earned it!

The Heraclitus of it all

Again, I firmly believe that the people who are dismissing this show as just a spot of shallow entertainment, aren’t really paying attention because the whole scene of Charlotte’s assumed humiliation is so carefully and masterfully built it’s delightful to watch

Charlotte takes Sidney’s “I’m certain Charlotte would prefer to be reading Heraclitus” line as an insult that depicts her a country bumpkin who is not fit for the fashionable London crowd.

But should she? We already know that Sidney reads Heraclituss himself. They were just bonding over that on their little boat ride. And look where his line comes into play:

Eliza: There must be a boy in your village that’s caught your eye.

Lady Susan: Why should Charlotte be limited to her village?

Eliza: I always think it helps to share a common background, that’s all. Miss Heywood is hardly likely to find a kindred spirit in this company.

Lady Susan: Why not?

Eliza: I just imagine she must find our London talk unspeakably tedious. Wouldn’t you agree, Sidney?

Sidney: I have no doubt Charlotte would rather be sat somewhere, quietly reading Heraclitus.

What Sidney is actually saying is that there is someone there who is a kindred spirit to Charlotte: HIM! He isn’t insulting her or laughing at her. He’s making a call back to their London ball scene where they both felt out of place but found solace in each other. What he’s telling her is that he doesn’t belong amongst Eliza’s crowd either.

This kind of subtle, clever writing is actually a lot rarer than you might think and, for me, drives to the core of why Andrew Davies is such a fantastic writer. He not only understands how to present a period drama to a modern audience in a way that is fresh and interesting but also how to create these moments of brilliant writing complexity almost effortlessly.

Georgiana Lambe

Georgiana, the character, isn’t really sparking joy for me as she’s behaving like an utter brat but the writing for her character is. She’s been terribly hurt for the first time in her life so she’s lashing out anyway she can. Also this line is brilliant:

Sidney: I am all too aware that I have fallen short as your guardian. But please believe that I am sincere in my desire to make amends.

Georgiana: Men like you cannot change.

Why is that brilliant? Well because Georgiana is engaging in one of the oldest and most popular forms of toxic anger: transference. What she’s really saying is that Otis will never change enough for them to be together. But Otis isn’t there, Sidney is so he gets to be the punching bag du jour.

The reason why depicting her grief in this way is so compelling is because it’s so natural to her story. She was already feeling like an outcast in England, not loved or wanted by anyone. Otis let her concentrate all of her self-worth entirely on him (one of the worst things he did and not the only one but that’s a subject for another meta) and then failed to live up to his inherent promises. Georgiana feels that no one cares for her and so she pushes the people who are trying to help her away so she can have her very own self-fulfilling prophecy.

And while her interaction with Sidney might be somewhat understandable considering his cold attitude towards her in the beginning and also the fact that whether or not Georgiana likes it, he’s the closest she has to an actual parental figure, her attitude towards Arthur absolutely is not.

Her insults, thankfully, fall on deaf ears because Arthur knows he is a precious lily of the field and we are all very happy he’s here!

Does not spark joy

Sidney and Eliza

From what I see in the tags, no one is really all that fond of Eliza … I wonder why … lol …

But protectiveness over my ship isn’t really why this storyline didn’t spark joy for me. It’s actually because it failed to live up to its potential. The writers chose to make Sidney and Eliza’s reunion all about how that affects Charlotte and dedicated very little time to the Sidney/Eliza dynamic.

And it started so well too. I had high hopes when Sidney said this:

Sidney: A man cannot step into the same river twice.

What Sidney is talking about in very poetic terms if what in my country we call “reheated soup”. That’s what Eliza is … a chance to reheat the soup. Except that the saying goes: reheated soup never tastes the same which is absolutely true when it comes to relationships. Tempting as it might be to rekindle something, it very rarely works out because the reasons why you broke up in the first place will eventually rear their ugly heads again. Which they do in their case as well, when Eliza needlessly attacks Charlotte, proving herself petty and superficial.

But because we never stay with Sidney enough to figure out what his attraction to her might have been once upon a time, because we don’t get to see how reuniting with her is stirring not only his feelings of long lost longing but also of the trauma she caused and because we don’t even get to watch their last conversation together, it all fails to make the impact that it could have made. Which is a shame …

IMDB has Ruth Kearney listed for episode 8 as well and a part of me hopes Eliza will be back next week and we can have a bit of a do over.

Lady Susan

I know everyone likes her and the actress is delightful. However as much as I might enjoy her in isolation, within the context of the story she remains a poorly introduced character who is only on screen to push Charlotte and Sidney together (we never find out why she’s so invested in this) and to act as a deus ex machine for the regatta.

The “half agony, half hope” that is …

Charlotte

I really hate to do this because I love her but most of my frustration this episode came down to Charlotte.

Her behavior was confusing, dissatisfying and at times quite thoughtlessly cruel. Most of that was directed at poor James Stringer.

As you know, I am a Charlotte/Sidney shipper so I don’t have a problem with Charlotte not returning James’ affection. In fact I’ve made the point in the past that the whole Tem Stringer vs. Team Sidney promotion was silly because it was clear there was no rivalry there.

However, Charlotte behaves very poorly to him in this episode. It’s the second time now (the first was in episode 4) where she’s used James as a stand-in for Sidney. Every time she’s talking to this boy, her mind is miles away and she ends up missing all the signs that she’s stringing him along (no pun intended but the clue is in the name, I suppose).

What Charlotte really wants is for Sidney to give her the same undivided adoring validation Stringer gives her and because he isn’t, she ends up engaging with James in a way that is less than ideal. That’s not so say she necessarily realizes she’s doing this but her thoughtlessness is starting to be frustrating.

Which brings me to … her behavior towards Sidney. The way unrequited love seems to work for Charlotte is that it makes her less than generous and she looks for any opportunity to cut Sidney loose, so to speak.

She doesn’t attempt to put up a fight for him at any level, despite this being the girl that fights for everything that matters to her. And it all comes crushing down during the conversation with Eliza, when she takes the smallest opportunity to completely shut him out.

It’s also kind of hypocritical of her to still be angry at this comment at the end of the episode, when she did far worse. I mean if you want to talk about someone being someone else’s “source of amusement” look no further than:

Charlotte (imitating Sidney): You see, Georgiana, this is exactly why I locked you away in Mrs. Griffths’ dungeon. To keep you out of mischief, while I, Sidney Parker, gallivant around London with my high society, dandy friends.

So while deciding that Sidney was an ass to her is tempting, I’d like to point out that, as I’ve shown earlier, there is nothing mean spirited or negative in his comment at all. So is it fair to say that Sidney hurt her when the most obvious explanation is that Charlotte is insecure? She has been since the moment she met Sidney and Eliza instinctively preyed on that insecurity. And Charlotte not only let’s Eliza hurt her but she also transfers her insecurity firmly onto Sidney’s shoulders, instead of owning it or resolving it.

The reason why this is in the half agony, half hope category is because I’m not sure if the above is the writers’ intention or if I’m trying to make this more interesting than it actually is. If their intention is to paint Charlotte as completely right about everything, while Sidney is the fool who needs to repent and Stringer is the guy who got ahead of himself, I’m going to be pretty disappointed.

For the moment, we’ll have to wait and see, I guess.

[phancystuff]

Trying to Remember How it Feels (To Have a Heartbeat) 2/7

Pairing: Dan/ Phil (Phan) Summary: Dan moves into a new apartment in London and, though it’s a step up from his old apartment, his landlord gives him strange warnings while he’s touring the place– something about the last renters leaving because of ghost sightings. But, Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural. He quickly changes his tune when he meets Phil Lester, the ghost haunting his apartment. Well, if haunting means quickly becoming the best friend he’s ever had. (Title from Harry Styles’ song Two Ghosts) Notes: Part 2 of my Spooky Week Special! This fic is almost 100% already written and I plan on updating it every day until Halloween. Please note that, although this fic has the warning of major character death, it is not in any way graphic. Tags/ Warnings: ghost au, Halloween, major character death (obv. it’s a ghost au lol), depictions of panic attacks, angst, fluff, HAPPY ENDING, mentions of suicide (it happens in a movie they watch)

Read it on A03 Part One

When Dan woke up, it was completely dark outside. Dan pushed himself up on his elbows, momentarily reflecting on what a weird dream he had. There had been an emo ghost, a panic attack, a viral video. It had all felt so real.

“Good morning sleeping beauty!” Dan jumped and his head snapped up to the source of the voice. So it wasn’t a dream, then. Phil was sitting at Dan’s computer chair. Hovering over his computer chair. Despite the hovering, the office chair was spinning around and Phil was giggling gleefully. “Or should I say, good night?”

“I thought you could only manipulate electricity?” Dan adopted a cool voice, deciding the only course of action was to hide his fear. Phil didn’t seem dangerous at any rate.

“Oh, no! Objects are a little harder, but I’ve had tons of practice over the years. From what I understand, ghosts get stronger the longer they're around. Of course, I’ve only learned this from experimenting. When I first, ah, became a ghost, I couldn’t even manifest myself physically.”

Dan looked thoughtfully at Phil, considering his physical form. “So, you have to purposefully manifest yourself?”

The spinning stopped and Phil looked back at Dan. “Yeah. It used to take a lot of concentration and I could only do it for a couple minutes at a time. Now, I don’t really have to think about it. After that, I started experimenting with electricity. I can strengthen wifi signals, too.” Phil grinned, “I’m a pretty handy roommate!”

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose, “I can’t say I’ve ever wanted a roommate.”

“What?” Phil’s eyes widened comically. “I’ve only ever wanted a roommate! It’s been so boring to be alone in this place! I love when Paul brings new people around.”

Dan’s stomach growled loudly and he thought about what was in his fridge at the moment. It wasn’t much; mostly various sauces and condiments. Dan took out his iPhone and opened up the app to order Indian takeaway. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Phil disappearing from the office chair.

“Meep! that iPhone is so thin and the screen’s so big!” Dan flinched and whipped his head to look at Phil, now sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him. His first thought was a panicked string of swears at Phil’s sudden appearance. His second thought was that Dan couldn’t believe there was a ghost in his apartment that said ‘meep’ unironically.  “Oops, sorry! Transporting is another bad habit I have. I’ll walk around like an alive person.”

“S’ok,” Dan mumbled, thumbing around on his app. “But, yeah, I guess you haven’t seen an iPhone in a while.”

“Not up close! Oh man, look at it! May I?” Phil held out his hand and Dan looked at it nervously.

“Will you be able to hold it?”

“I think so! It’s not really hard for me to hold objects anymore, but if I drop it, it’ll just go on the bed. Just don’t give me a baby!” Phil giggled and Dan slowly placed the iPhone in Phil’s palm. The ghost looked down at it and scanned the app that Dan was interacting with. “Indian food, huh? Yum.” Dan scrutinized Phil’s face. It looked sad. “I used to love Indian food,” he whispered.

“Do you want to order for me?” Dan asked, trying to get the smile back on Phil’s face and not really understanding why he cared.

“Can I?!” Phil’s eyes were round, all sadness had been obliterated from their depths. Dan couldn’t help but chuckle, albeit a little uncomfortably.

“Of course. It’s nothing special for me, but you haven’t hand a phone in your hand since--” Dan cut himself off, realizing he had no idea when Phil had died. Was it polite to ask? If their places were switched, Dan would probably find his own death to be a sensitive point of conversation.

“2010,” Phil murmured back, completely lost in the application. If he thought a food app was captivating, Dan couldn’t wait to show him Crossy Roads. Dan thought back to 2010. What was he doing then? Starting his first year at uni and working on a law degree. That had only lasted a year before Dan had realized how miserable he was. He had taken a year out and never gone back.

“2010 was when I made my first YouTube video,” His channel had steadily taken off to Dan’s complete surprise. At first, he had worked other odd jobs to be able to afford his crappy first apartment, but as his channel grew in popularity, he was able to rely solely on YouTube. Dan smiled fondly; all in all, 2010 had been a beginning for him. The smile dropped off his face when he realized that it had been an end for Phil.

Phil nodded politely. “That’s really cool. What year is it now?” Phil held the phone back out to Dan. The food had been ordered and the estimated time of arrival on the screen read 30 minutes.

“Oh! It’s 2017. It’s May.”

“Hmm. Almost summer? Autumn is my favorite, though, mostly because of Halloween.” Phil gripped his feet and rocked back and forth on his bum. The ghost was growing on Dan. He might even call him adorable; but it was pretty weird to find a ghost to be endearing, wasn’t it?

“I love halloween, too. I’ve always wanted to do a baking video or something for my channel. But it doesn’t really fit the Daniel Howell aesthetic.” Dan did air quotes with his fingers. “So I’ve never done one.”

“You should! That would be something I’d wanna watch.” Phil flopped back on the bed, pulling his feet up with him.

“Maybe,” Dan said, knowing full well that he probably wouldn’t. He probably wouldn’t even put it on Daniel Howell 2, his second channel. He might livestream him trying something that he had baked on YouNow, but people probably wouldn’t be interested. Dan had always felt like there was a specific video that his viewer wanted to see from him and, if he wanted to stay relevant, that was the type of video he would put out. Wanting to change the subject, Dan pulled up Crossy Roads on his iPhone. “Now, Phil, do I have something to show you!”

The two boys, one alive and one dead, played Crossy Roads back and forth until Dan’s food showed up. Dan had always been competitive and it didn’t help that Phil had declared this to be a “DAN VS PHIL! 3 ROUNDS EACH, BRING IT ON, DANIEL!” Dan’s head was in his hands after immediately killing his korean barbeque character by jumping into a bus, and getting a score of three, when his doorbell rang. He left the phone with Phil and ran to get his food, stomach grumbling loudly. He set everything up on the dining room table and only jumped a little when Phil was suddenly there, sitting at one of the chairs.

“59! Hah, I win!” Phil proclaimed, placing the phone on the table and spinning it around for Dan to see.

Dan glanced at it and huffed. “Fine, I call hacks.”

“Sore loser!”

“Sore winner!”

Phil giggled and watched Dan eat. “God, I miss eating. Or being able to smell it, at least.”

Dan nodded sympathetically, mentally filing away the detail in his folder labeled ‘ghost facts.’ He figured that it was easier to learn about Phil and live with him, rather than try to ignore him. The fear he had for the ghost was slowly draining away, only leaving the recognition that he seemed like a cool guy. Dan was open-minded. Sure his whole concept of reality had been shaken to the very core and he would probably have an existential crisis about it later, but for now, he was contented to make conversation. Dan suddenly remembered the video he had made this afternoon that brought them to this point. He groaned. “Phil, we have a problem.”

“What’s that?” Phil looked at him anxiously, the iPhone spinning in front of him. Dan tried not to stare at the supernatural trick being done way too casually right in front of him.

“Well, the video you showed up in is going viral. Everyone is tweeting me, expecting that I’ve been viciously murdered.”

“Oh, um, that is a problem.” Phil bit his lip, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Hey! I know! You could reveal to everyone that it was a hoax? A clever editing trick?”

Dan nodded thoughtfully. It was a pretty smart idea. It was totally unlike Dan to do anything of the sort, but he could bullshit another video, claiming that it was a social experiment about virality and people’s belief in the supernatural and blah blah blah. Dan told Phil his idea and the ghost nodded enthusiastically. “Perfect! That way, you’ll have your viral hit, your fans won’t feel too betrayed, and you don’t have to explain that there’s an actual ghost in your apartment.” Phil giggled. “Imagine that video!”

Dan laughed with the ghost. “Yeah, I’d do it like a vlog! A Day in the Life of Dan and Ghost Phil.” Dan reached across the table and grabbed the spinning phone, holding it up over his head and pretending to vlog: “Hey internet! Dan here! And I’m joined by none other than the late amazingphil. He’s decided to collab with me beyond the grave.” Phil’s giggles turned into body-bouncing belly laughs and Dan could have sworn he saw tears leaking down the ghost’s cheeks.

“What can I say? I’m was just dying to collab with you, Dan.” Phil forced the pun out between gasping breaths and chuckles.

Dan dropped his phone and groaned loudly into his hands. “Nooo, that’s was so bad! I hate you.” Dan peeked through his fingers to watch Phil’s tongue poke out between his teeth. The two boys’ laughter slowly died down and Dan shoveled food into his mouth. “I’m making puns with a ghost right now.” Dan blinked a couple times, wondering if the image of Phil would disappear.

Phil looked on sympathetically. “It’s gotta be weird.”

“It is.” Dan looked thoughtful. “But not a bad weird.” Phil looked hopeful. Dan wondered how he-- someone whose biggest fear was of the supernatural-- could be so cool with this. Only a few hours before, the apparition had given him a major panic attack. Dan looked back at Phil’s shining eyes and decided it was because Phil was completely harmless. It was silly to have fear for something harmless.

***

Dan’s video explanation of his “hoax” went over relatively well. Only a few of his viewers were really angry, commenting that he was only using them for views. Dan wanted to reply to them and say that most YouTubers made videos in order for people to view them, but decided that he didn’t want to feed the trolls. He was able to continue with life as normal.

Well, as normal as living with a ghost could get. Dan didn’t leave the apartment very often-- why would he? His whole life happened inside the internet. Other than visiting a few friends and grocery shopping, Dan mostly stuck around the flat. This meant that a lot of time was spent with his new roommate.

Dan had been learning a lot about Phil. They surprisingly had quite a few similar interests. Muse, Studio Ghibli, video games, horror movies, punk pop, Kill Bill. Dan had a blast showing Phil all the movies, shows, and video games he had missed in the seven years that he had been dead. Dan could never get tired of the look of awe on Phil’s face when he commented on the graphics of Fallout 4 or the animation style of Big Hero Six. He was especially interested in how much the internet and YouTube had changed. The fact that people made a living on the video-sharing site. He watched a ton of YouTube, catching up on all the old people he used to be subscribed to and getting acquainted with new YouTubers. Phil expressed his sadness to Dan when he discovered that some of his favorite internet personalities were no longer making videos.

Dan noticed that Phil didn’t watch any of the ‘goodbye amazingphil’ videos that had been made by fans or fellow YouTubers. Dan had watched a few, but they did nothing but make him sad. Dan was actually surprised that no one had recognized Phil from his Quick and Dirty video, but apparently Phil had been hidden in the shadows just enough for anyone to notice how much the apparition looked like the late amazingphil. Dan was glad; he didn’t want to deal with the wrath of sad fans wondering why Dan would be sick enough to fake edit amazingphil in the corner.

Dan also watched all of Phil’s old videos, finding him very endearing. Phil was a fantastic storyteller and Dan found himself captivated by Phil’s silly life. The videos were obviously old-- the camera quality, editing style, music, and genre. Despite this, Dan still watched every single video. He told himself that it was to get to know his ghost friend better.

It had been a couple months. Dan had noticed that the two boys talked about everything, except the gigantic elephant in the room. Dan still had no idea how Phil had died. The goodbye videos Dan watched told him nothing; no one seemed to know what had happened to amazingphil, other than an untimely death. It made sense that none of Phil’s family members would think to update a YouTube audience, especially when dealing with their own grief. Dan had googled around a little bit, still finding nothing about the mysterious death of Phil Lester. Dan figured it was rude to ask, but it didn’t stop his curiosity gnawing at him, especially when he discovered that the last video on the amazingphil channel was one shot in this very apartment. Dan had been waiting to watch Phil’s last video because, when he finally watched it, it would mean that there were no more amazingphil videos to watch, which made Dan feel almost empty in a way.

But, eventually, one day in mid July, he couldn’t take the curiosity. Dan pulled up the video on his phone, put in earphones, and clicked play. He smiled at the title, “The Jellybean Centipede” and the opening shot of Phil biting a balloon. In the video, Phil explained that he had finally gotten his very own apartment. Dan watched the tour of Dan’s current apartment, noticing the differences and similarities. The video wasn’t different from Phil’s others ones-- the lion was still there, Phil still made heart hands at the camera, and he still said lolrandom things. Knowing it was the last video ever on his channel made Dan incredibly sad. He watched the last shot, of Phil sitting on and popping the giant balloon that one of his viewers had given him, over and over again. It was a ridiculous thing to leave YouTube with, but it was so fitting of Phil. Dan scrubbed at a tear that threatened to leave the corner of his eye. He didn’t dare look at the comments.

“Dan! Hey, Dan! Where did you put your copy of Mario Kart for the switch?” Phil floated into Dan’s room, standing at the foot of his bed. Phil had been better about not transporting randomly, moving around more naturally for Dan’s sake. Dan slammed the phone face down onto his bed. “Oh, are you ok? I didn’t interrupt something did I?” Phil looked embarrassed and looked down at his multi-colored, mismatched socks.

“Phil, how did you die?” Dan slapped his hand over his mouth, eyes widening in shock. Phil’s head jerked up to look at Dan.

“Dan…” It almost sounded like a warning. It was the only time in these short months that Dan felt nervous around Phil.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, you can’t expect me not to be curious. You were 23 when you died, right? That’s so young. You had just gotten a new apartment. You finished school. Your YouTube channel was doing really well. What happened?”

“Dan, really, I--”

“You were 23! Only three years younger than me now. That’s scary, Phil. So fucking scary. I think about dying all the time. I think about what I’m contributing to the world and I stress about what I’m doing with my life--”

“--Please, Dan--”

“--but I only ever think about dying when I’m really old. And then you come along and you were 23 and you won’t even tell me what happened! I thought we were friends and--”

“Dan!” Dan jumped, looking at Phil. His voice had turned loud, deep, powerful, and a little bit unhinged. The lights in Dan’s bedroom flickered and papers swirled around the room, surrounding the ghostly figure in a whirlwind of paper. He slowly rose higher and higher off the ground, until he was looking down at Dan. Phil sounded and looked every bit of the ‘scary horror movie ghost’ in that moment and Dan was practically shitting himself. “I’m serious, I don’t want to talk about this.”

Dan started shaking, not recognizing the eyes of his ghost friend. They had gone dark, emphasizing the paleness of Phil’s undead skin. Shadow patterns danced across his unnatural face. “Y-yeah. S-s-sorry Phil. I’ll stop, p-please, don’t hurt me.”

Papers fluttered down to the floor and the lights came back on. Phil dropped to the floor, his eyes cleared, and the shadows left his face. He looked guilty. “No,” Phil whispered, staring at Dan with shining eyes. “Please understand this, Dan, I’d never hurt you.” Dan pushed off the bed, trembling violently. He wasn’t going to have another panic attack. He wasn’t going to have another panic attack.

“Of course you won’t. It’s ok, Phil. I’m going to just, just.” Dan ran out of the room, grabbing his keys and wallet from the dining room table. He threw open the front door and rode the elevator down into the lobby of the building. Outside, he immediately felt sweat spring to his skin in the hot London summer air. Desperately, he tried to reign in his lungs and breathe evenly. He never knew that Phil could get so scary. Maybe Dan should be careful with the ghost. Maybe he should be afraid of him.

Dan walked aimlessly for hours, going nowhere in particular, but relishing the occasional breeze against his face. His apartment had been feeling like an alternate reality, lately. It felt nice to be reminded that nature was still its wonderful, albeit cruel, self. Dan looked around for the first time since leaving the apartment, noticing his surroundings. His feet had taken him to a closeby park. Dan sat down on a bench and stared out at the trees, which were a little creepy in the encroaching dark of the evening. His breathing slowed. He knew that, sooner or later, Dan would have to return to the flat and face Phil.

He thought back to the conversation that had made Phil so angry. Of course it had made him angry. Dan had asked the ghost about his most painful, personal memory, without even warning Phil that Dan had been thinking about it. Phil had purposefully been skirting around the information and Dan had rudely barreled past his hesitations. Dan felt like a dick. He remembered the flickering lights and whirlwind circling Phil’s rising form. That had been a little unnecessary. And a lot terrifying.

He sighed and heaved himself off the bench. This was silly; he couldn’t run from Phil. They hadn’t had any problems yet. In fact, it had been incredibly nice to finally live with someone, even if that someone had a non-corporeal form. Everyone had their moments, right? Everyone got angry from time to time; of course Phil would have those times as well. It just so happened that Phil had a little more power over the world than the average human. Dan shivered, thinking about Phil flashing him those lifeless eyes again.

They had already discussed the extent of Phil’s powers, though, and Dan was pretty sure there was nothing Phil could do to hurt Dan. In fact, from what they both understood, Phil could only successfully interact with things that weren’t alive. Things without a heartbeat. Although, Phil hadn’t told Dan what he meant by “successful.” Dan rubbed his arms, the cool evening air chilling the remaining sweat on his skin. He began to trudge back to his flat-- their flat. Dan knew Phil wouldn’t hurt him. Phil was a good person. He was a good friend. Dan had been silly.

Dan arrived back and rode the elevator up to his flat. He pushed the key in and prepared himself for anything: Phil could have completely disappeared, choosing to abandon his physical form for the moment. Phil could be right there waiting at the door, wanting to apologize to Dan. Dan breathed deeply and opened the door, only to be enveloped by the delicious smell of Italian food. Dan looked over into the kitchen to find Phil stirring at a pot on the stove. Ok, Dan wasn’t prepared for that. The ghost turned around at the sound of the front door opening. “Dan! Thank god, I was so worried!” Phil turned down the temperature and bounded over to Dan. Dan would never get used to the way Phil moved; he floated but that didn’t stop him from skipping, running, dancing, and shuffling. His feet just never touched the floor. Phil stopped in front of Dan, reaching out his hands to Dan’s face. “You didn’t have a panic attack did you?” He seemed to catch himself, realizing that there would be no use in trying to touch Dan. His arms dropped to his sides.

Dan melted at the sound of Phil’s concern. “Fuck, Phil, I’m sorry for running away. And I’m sorry for bringing up such a sore subject like an absolute twat. I didn’t have a panic attack; don’t worry.”  

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am for going ghost on you.” Phil’s eyes shined and his bottom lip stuck out in the slightest of pouts. Dan focused his eyes on the lip, wondering if Phil even realized how adorable he was sometimes. “I will never ever hurt you. I will try really hard not to be a moody ass.”

“Did you just make a Danny Phantom reference?” Dan whispered, eyes drifting up from Phil’s lips, finally.

“Yes!” Phil clapped gleefully. “Now, I made you dinner to make it up to you. The only thing is you’re gonna have to taste test for me because food tastes like nothing when I put it in my mouth and I want to make sure I put enough garlic in there.” Dan followed his friend into the kitchen, marveling at how the best friend that he had ever had was dead.

Chapter Three

[cutegirlmayra]

Miss Mayra that was very cheeky of you xD please can you continue that forces prompt where Ames avoids Sonic? Like pretty please? No more cliffhangers xDDD I'm dying!

No promises on Cliffhangers, XD There kinda…

My specialty~

(Preview Image provided from @uhsecretaccount! Please support the artist! :D)

Prompt:

Amy rose up early that morning, hearing an owl hoot and turn his head around, before hooting again.

She squinted in the light of the trees and raised a hand up, tilting her head to try and see what time it may be.

“Pfft. Like I’m that clever..” she teased, turning around and sighing, lifting her head back and closing her eyes…

The image of Metal Sonic advancing… his cold, steely words vibrating from his being as he mocked her so subtly, tilting his body as sounds of light humming from machinery working created the illusion of life.

At first, she didn’t want to believe him.

She leaned forward, gripping her legs and pulling them closer, looking off into the distance as she couldn’t stand the thoughts racing back.

She immediately shut her eyes in pain, ducking her head.

“Noo!”

“What you refuse to believe is your own concern…” Metal paced himself, circling slightly as he began to move to the left, crippling her from within with his words. “You forget that I was designed,… no… melded into Sonic’s consciousness… his attitudes, mannerisms,… heh, even his stupid puns.” Metal gestured to prove the data he had was sound and concise, before glaring back at her.

“It shouldn’t be surprising… everything I’ve said are things you’ve probably pushed out of your consciousness for far too long… things you really should have considered… Things a normal organic lifeform would associate….”

                                              “With hate.”

Amy shook her head, before rocking slightly to try and get the thoughts and words out of her head.

It was all… so vivid.

Her mind was consumed with his words… and each strike of his metallic claws only gave literal meaning to being ripped and digged into with painful daggers at each line, each phrase…

“Annoyance.” “Pitiful.” “A scorn.” “Mindless.” “Forceful.” “Arrogant.” “Nuisance.” “Vain.” “Pathetic.” “Manipulative.” “A pain.”

“Unlovable.”

Amy gripped her head, before shaking it violently to rattle her brain out to drown out the image of his eyes, the swipes of his claws, the kicks, the utter beating she had endured… simply processing… each hurtful lie.

Yes, she knew it was a lie.

But… but there wasn’t something true in his words as well… she felt horrible, like she had somehow given Sonic a terrible life.

She wanted to address it… that day…

His eyes were full of a happy empty, as if nothing about her was frustrating him.

He seemed calm, neutral…

Then why couldn’t she stay?

In his presence, she felt a fire that leaked into her being… this time… more like poison.

She couldn’t identify her fear, her anxiety, but when the world turned her back to her, she wondered if it wasn’t just Sonic that Metal’s words had meaning for.

Maybe…

She got up, stepping to and fro in a wobbling manner of total and utter demolishing of any self confidence she ever possessed.

Her eyes watered as they twitched, staring at the ground.

They all hated her.

She suddenly heard a snap from a twig and turned, trying to identify it.

“Whose there..?” she stepped back, her arms withdrew to themselves before she gasped, seeing a spring of traps suddenly launch a few robotic monkey’s after her.

“AHHH!” She took off, not bothering to summon her hammer in the mental state she was in, and just carefully, with great speed, raced down the tree infested roots that intertwined throughout the forest, and tried to escape them as they screamed like holler-monkeys, excited to have finally tracked down a target, and swinging from tree to tree, after her!

She frantically tried to make it to the open field, where patches of brown from falling fire in the nearby area had left the place like a thinning patch of green grass.

She looked behind her, but tripped as she lost her breath a moment, and the robotic monkeys swarmed.

Pausing a moment, they saw her ankle was hurt as she tried to get up but winced in it’s pain.

In great excitement, they jumped up and down and continued to holler, as she squinted an eye and gripped her ankle, before looking up in pure horror.

“…Seems you fail to learn your place...”

Her eyes widened, mouth dropping.

Metal Sonic came out of the crowd of hollering robotic apes, all cheering their leader as he strode to the field, and then flicked out his clawed hand….

“N..Em…” she could barely speak, but tried to crawl backwards as he approached, before stopping at her feet, shoving a foot down on her dress to keep her still as she gasped quietly in great fear.

“Look at you… I should have disposed of you the second I first engaged… but then… where would the fun be in scanning your face… seeing no hope, delight, or pleasure in them… and knowing… that I’ve destroyed you… more than your physical, miserable, living frame!!!”

Not even having the faith to summon her hammer, to tug her dress away, or really have the will to fight at all- Amy drew her hands over her face, and ducked, bracing for impact.

The sound of metal to skin made her cry out a moment,…. before she realized… 

She felt no pain.

She turned to look back up.

“SOONNIICC!!”

Falling backwards and down to her side, Sonic’s head bounced by her legs, his eyes closed, and his body…. 

Motionless.

Metal Blinked his eyes, withdrawing his hand in a bit of disbelief before Classic drilled a spun kick into his back, sparking his circuits as he turned around.

His eyes flared red.

“You…”

His anger filled with memories of past battles lost, and Classic Sonic wiggled his tush in front of him, patting it and using his other hand to lower a bottom eyelid down, sticking his tongue out to mock him into coming after him.

Metal twitched, raising a claw, “I shall have my revenge, at last!!!” he revved up his stomach-engine and blazed forward, eyes burning red as he shouted out a battlecry, charging at light speeds to race after the little Sonic, and take down his ultimate enemy!!!

The Robotic Monkey’s stood motionless, as if stone, since Metal had not released them from his control.

Amy was frozen a moment in fear, her eyes shook as she slowly moved to lean over, looking at Sonic as her eyes squinted from tears.

“Sonic… Sonic, no…” she felt more painful reminders of Metal Sonic’s words… bending her head down and cupping Sonic’s head.

“Useless.” “Delusional.” “Needy.” “Worthless.” “Disgraceful.” “Patronizing!”

“A waste of time.” “Ignorant.” “Clingy.” “Hopless.”-

                                                   “I’M SORRY!!!”

Amy burst into tears, crying upon his turned head as she wept profusely, rubbing her head into his quills as she cried such sorrow and innocence, such pain and misery.

“I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel like I was forcing you. I just wanted you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted! Oh, Sonic… why? Why do you constantly get hurt because of me!? Why am I always the problem for you… why can’t I… why can’t I just love you how you want to be loved…Emm..” she bounced her shoulders, bending down and still holding the sides of his face, as the air turned soft and the smell of metal and robotic monkey’s shouted had faded away.

Then, the metallic clanking of Robo-Monkey’s gaining their AI systems slowly cranked on, as their arms began to move, their feet began to end their jump cycles, and suddenly they were shaking themselves free of being frozen stiff.

Amy rose her head, gasping in fright as she tried to get Sonic up, shake him alive, something!

The four gashes upon his stomach said otherwise…

She tried to pull him closer to her, wrapping her arms around him protectively as they started to advance, hopping forward and baring their silver fangs, opening their mouths to reveal shredders as throats, and bombs disposing from their sides, a panel swiping up as they lowered their hands to catch the item, using their shredders to light the bombs on fire.

They all slowly raised the bombs…

“No… no, not like this… I…” her head motioned up, all around, then down, then up again, frantically. “I can’t lose you like this!!!” She bent her head, holding him closer before summoning her hammer.

She flung bombs away, but suddenly…

“Sonic!!!”

Sonic’s eyes opened.

Her cry was piercing beautiful to the ear.

As if perfectly fine, he started to dash into the monkeys, kicking them and having them explode on touch.

For that was how powerful his hits were.

He spun around and homing attacked others, jumping up and then ramming a foot down to come in hot and ready, destruction at every footfall.

Amy was amazed, looking around, before he sped up on one knee and one hand down to catch himself, his other arm up in the air with flare as the robotic apes all were exploding behind him.

He winked.

“I can’t lose you…”

                                             “Not ever!”

Amy’s eyes widened.

He suddenly winced, his eyes showing pain as he collapsed in front of her, his head landing on her legs in her lap.

                                              “Sonic!!”

Classic Sonic, after happily looking back at the carnage of metallic pieces all over the place, and snickering at Metal reaching up and out to him, before shouting out, “Nooooo!!!” and exploding from defeat.

 He always loved that part!

His smile was lost as he bounced up the hill, looking stark-shocked.

Amy had leaned down..

Sonic had tilted his head up.

A kiss to end all further doubts and resolve all other conflicts.

They would never be without the other…

                                                             ….again.

Part 1 (x) Part 2 (x) This was… INTENSE. XD Hoo! I hope you loved it just as much as I did. Spazzed the whole way through, lol!

[astoldbytoria]

ATBT Review: “Ctrl” by SZA

SZA just let out her highly anticipated debut album “Ctrl” on June 9th, and I’ve gotten a solid two weeks to listen to it. I’ve been following her since her Soundcloud days, so I was definitely curious to hear her new record and pick it for growth. Luckily, she made it easy for me. SZA has considerably grown in her songwriting and production and it is clearly reflected by the amount of positive responses she’s received since the release of the album.

In my opinion, this album raised the bar for both traditional and alternative R&B. She did not settle for low droning trap-soul nor did she drown it with samples. She successfully created a record that is both alike and not like any other record we’ve heard recently. So I’m going to dive into each track one by one discussing their strengths and weaknesses below. Feel free to listen along as I break down each song (this review is kind of long):

Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/album/76290XdXVF9rPzGdNRWdCh

Apple Music Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ctrl/id1239976329

1) Supermodel

First thought: what a way to open an album. This track is definitely one of her statement pieces. It really brings in the tone of the whole album. She’s talking about really heavy stuff over an acoustic guitar that’s strumming a melodic chord progression. And this isn’t just “cutesy sad” stuff either. She’s writing a letter to this person telling them she’s leaving after realizing that they’re cheating on her and aren’t giving her the time of day in general. And don’t forget the part where she adds that she’s “secretly banging” his friend. Pretty intense stuff.

2) Love Galore (feat. Travis Scott)

This is such a strong single for this album. She called this one a “tropical bop” and I couldn’t agree more. If your head isn’t boppin during this song, you’re probably lying. The instrumentation is so lightweight and euphoric, even though she’s discussing some heavy experiences, much like “Supermodel.” The lyrics were masterfully filled with wordplay and double meanings. They are poignant and relevant to the dating experiences of today’s youth which is really important. Not everyone is loyal, not everyone is trying to date to marry – and she, at this point in her life, is not only calling out the people she’s dated for being like this, she’s also recognizing these ways in herself. The line “Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me? Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?” is so real for some people, and that’s what I appreciated. It’s the side of relationships that people aren’t brave enough to address because everyone wants to tell a perfect love story instead of recognizing the reality and the duality of love. The production is also so perfect because it feels like such a light, chill bop even though it’s calculated with many layers. Her collaboration with Travis Scott was such a smart decision and it was nice to hear a different beat and vibe from him that still goes along with his sonic taste. I will say though, I absolutely hate the way she pronounces certain words – like “negus” and “beaches” – but that’s just a personal pet peeve, so I digress. Love Galore is a solid song and one of my favorites. Beautifully crafted and portrayed.

3) Doves in the Wind (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

This one was funny to me because I was surprised at how many times and different ways they managed to say the word “pussy.” To me, this one was another statement piece. The lyrics were definitely cheeky and bold, which just pushed another characteristic of the album. SZA is so willing to be bold and blunt about her experiences throughout the album. I thought Kendrick Lamar as the feature was a brilliant decision. Who better to talk about the subject? The song was witty and interesting and draws the listener to the lyrics. And the beat is so relaxed compared to what they’re talking about. It’s not one of my personal favorites, but I recognize its purpose for sure.

4) Drew Barrymore

When I heard this, I was like “where was SZA in the 90s when alt-black girls had no voice?” because she would have definitely been they’re holy grail artist. It has such a somber 90s alternative rock vibe. I love that it addresses insecurity and low self-esteem and genuine feelings, especially in lines like “I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth / we get so lonely, we pretend that this works.” She brilliantly portrays how these feelings can manifest themselves in relationships. So because of that, these lyrics are not only relatable, but eye-opening for some listeners. This was a strong one for me.

5) Prom

I really love the lyrics on Prom. It felt like she was talking about her insecurities and her shortcomings compared to her partner. She’s describing the right person at the wrong time for her, as if she’s not yet at his maturity level, which is something I can relate to personally. However, I didn’t know that this song was about this topic until I looked the lyrics and followed them. The music just doesn’t seem to match what she’s talking about at all. And in the prior songs, the music does contrast with the topic of the song but it’s done in a way that makes the two work together – not in this case, however. So unfortunately, this song kind of got lost among some of the other tracks for me.

6) The Weekend

This is the traditional R&B bop on the album. I love the Justin Timberlake sample. It was nicely hidden in the beat and was not at the forefront, so it meshed well overall. This was another song with bold lyrics. She’s talking from the POV of the “other woman,” a character that hasn’t really had  a voice in music. This is especially depicted in lines like “My man is my man is your man / heard it’s her man too” and “the feeling is wreckless / of knowin’ it’s selfish / knowin’ I’m desperate.” So this was a daring move for SZA. It definitely sounds like she’s okay with the whole idea while also knowing that it isn’t an ideal situation. Very interesting track. Lol

7) Go Gina

I really like the instrumental on this one. It kind of gives me A Tribe Called Quest vibes. However, aside from the clever line “picking up a penny with a press-on is easier than holding you down,” this one did not clearly convey the meaning of the song. From what I can gather, she’s comparing herself to Gina from the TV show “Martin,” saying that she is a woman that belongs to herself – any man that comes along the way will either be of value to her or easily disposable. And she will never be hung up on a man. So I guess it’s just a song that outlines that feeling of self-sufficiency. This one kind of got lost amongst the tracks, like “Prom.” Without fail, I seem to tune it out when it plays. It’s still nice to listen to, though.

8) Garden (Say It Like Dat)

This one is also one of my favorites. It’s another euphoric song with a chill beat and melodic sounds throughout. Lyrically, this one is stronger because she’s clearly in love with this person but is still insecure about herself, hoping that he “never finds out” the real her. But she believes that maybe he will love her for her because of the way he compliments her and treats her. I love how genuine that is and how we don’t like to address our fear of people seeing the real us. More importantly, I’m happy that she managed to make a 3:28 song that perfectly describes that.

9) Broken Clocks

If there had to be another single on the album, it would be this one. The production is so poppin’ it’s not even funny. My poor ’99 Camry can’t handle the bass whatsoever, but it still gets blared regardless (nah mean?)!! SZA tells us another story of her balancing love with work and how those things sometimes conflict with her time – hence, the broken clocks. The busyness of life can definitely affect relationships and I felt like she really captured that here. I loved the Joseline Hernandez strip club reference as well, it really tickled me. Lol

10) Anything

This one sounds the most dreamy to me. It also samples “Spring Reprise” by Donna Summer, which is a nice addition. She seems to be questioning her relationship, serving as the next chapter to “Broken Clocks.” This is definitely shown by the repeated line “Do you even now I’m alive?” She seems to be at the cusp of the relationship lasting and ending. I kind of hate how short it is though.

11) Wavy (Interlude) [feat. James Fauntleroy]

I love this interlude so much. I love the production. Again, it is so light and airy and dreamy. Lyrically, this one didn’t jump out to me at all. But I fell in love with the feeling that it gave me more than anything else.

12) Normal Girl

This one is another that kind of got lost amongst the other tracks for me as well. I think that lyrically it’s really strong because she’s trying to describe an idealistic version of herself. Furthermore, she’s wishing that she could just be a “normal girl” for this guy, and clearly she isn’t capable of being that for him. So it’s really relatable. But at this point in the album, the theme starts to really beat a dead horse, at least for me. I felt like she kind of explained some of these same feelings in songs like “Drew Barrymore” or “Garden.”

13) Pretty Little Birds (feat. Isaiah Rashad)

I was impressed by the metaphor she used, because it’s not that obvious. Yeah, she’s comparing herself to a bird but she’s also talking about how she wants to be open with her love interest, like a bird’s wings. And it also kind of dives into the fact that although she’s been through a lot of experiences, she is still open to a new relationship that allows her to “fly.” This is apparent in the line “my wings don’t fly like they used to / but I wanna fly with you.” Lyrically this one is really strong, and if you aren’t paying attention to lyrics, it’s easy for its meaning to “fly away” (all puns intended). It’s very dreamy and pretty. I grew to like this song.

14) 20 Something

It’s only fitting that that she ended with an acoustic song. Lyrically, this song is all-encompassing in so many ways that aren’t obvious. She’s acknowledging everything that happened in her twenties – including the good and bad. It seems like her relationship ended, so she is definitely being critical and saying that she’s “got nothin, runnin from love.” So in a way, she’s stuck in the “immature” mindset of her 20s. But she also says “God bless these 20 somethings” because although she views some of her experiences as failures, she also recognizes how they’ve shaped her into the person she currently is. Compared to the opening track, this one focuses on the self instead of the people that have wronged her and her spitefulness as a reaction to those wrongs. Beautifully written and the slow strumming guitar is always fitting for introspection. This song ends the album on a bittersweet note, and I really love that.

My Conclusion (finally lol):

I think this album is something that has been missing from music. It’s full of lyrics that are relatable, funny, poignant, and introspective. And although some of the topics are heavy and risque, SZA carefully managed to pair them with beats and instrumentation that was seemingly light-hearted. She was unafraid to be the voice of the side chick, the main woman, the insecure woman, and the woman scorned. And she did it all from the perspective of a girl, and more importantly a Black girl. While culturally, this album was so influential and powerful, its importance could get lost if you aren’t paying attention to the lyrics. Sometimes they were hard for me to follow by listening alone and I had to look them up just to understand what she was saying. So that could be improved upon for the next album. Otherwise, I give this album a strong 7. SZA has really changed herself and has completely grown into her sound. This was a striking debut.