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lazuli-bloom · 3 years

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Zoo Day is Today

Cartoon Beetlejuice x Reader

Word Count : 11,275

Your first field trip after starting work as a teacher for Miss Shannon's School For Girls. A simple trip to the zoo. You even have a student's uncle there to help you chaperone. Everything was nice and planned out, surely nothing could go wrong.

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The morning sun steadily rose but had not yet chased off the nipping chill of the night. A shiver ran down your spine and you pulled your jacket tighter over your chest. You only brought a light coat for the day. Hopefully, if you focused on your work, the chilly bite could be easier to tolerate.

You tapped your pen against the edge of the clipboard. The papers listed off groups, schedules, notes on animals, and a map. On the page of groups, you circled the list of students assigned to you. Seven girls of which you knew only two.

You had been teaching at Miss Shannon's School for a month, but you memorized the names of the two most infamous students. Claire Brewster and Betty Juice. And lucky you, the school assigned both girls to your group. How wonderful. You prayed this field trip wouldn't end up a disaster.

The girls mingled in front of the main building, eager to get onto the buses. Once you had glossed over the list, you peered over the assemblage of students. Other teachers gathered their students to line up for the bus, and you needed to do the same.

There was no sign of Claire or Betty, so you shifted your search to the others in your group. You called out the names listed as you walked the perimeter of the cluster of girls, and one by one you gathered them.

Bertha, check. Prudence, check. Mindy, Gwen, check and check.

You accounted for over half your group and given them red bands that just left three more students. Betty and Claire were still nowhere to be seen, making a Lydia Deetz the next student for you to find.

The short redheaded girl with glasses, Bertha? Or was it Prudence? Regardless, the shorter girl pointed out a dark-haired student with hair styled in a bob cut. You thanked her and left to speak with the next student.

The girl stood off to the side next to a man that you noted bore a striking resemblance to Betty. The man's wardrobe gave a sharp contrast to the prim and proper appearances the headmistress cultivated for the school. He wore a vibrant Hawaiian shirt in magenta patterned with neon green bones. Clashing with that were his shorts striped vertically in black and white bars. Rather unusual, but to each their own.

You focused back on gathering your group and get their attention with a small cough. The two stopped their conversation and turned to you, the girl giving you a pleasant smile when she did.

"Good morning, teacher."

"Good morning, ah..." You trailed off and checked your clipboard. "Lydia. How are you?"

"Good! I can't wait to get to the zoo!"

The man chimed in saying, "Kid's been excited to go all morning. 't's all she's been talking about for the last few days."

"Uncle BJ!"

The girl huffed while the man snickered with a crooked smirk. You bit your lip and fought to keep your shoulders from bouncing from your own laugh. You cleared your throat and ignored the slight pain in your cheeks from resisting a smile.

"So then, Mr...?"

"Beetleman."

"Mr. Beetleman," you said with a nod, "Will you be helping chaperone the field trip?"

"Yep!"

"Alright. Then since Lydia is in my group, you'll be with me as well." You helped Lydia get the red band on her wrist. Just two more students. "Lydia, are you by chance close to Betty Juice? You wouldn't know where she might be, would you?"

Mr. Beetleman opened his mouth only for Lydia to cut in, saying, "She's out sick!"

You frown and nod, jotting a note on the paper. "That's unfortunate." While you didn't like the idea of a student missing out on a field trip, you couldn't help the relief that washed over you. No Betty, that only left—

"Ugh! Like, what do you mean I'm stuck with Lydia and her weird friends?"

Claire Brewster.

You took in a deep breath and let it out as a slight hiss. Before you headed over to Claire, you pointed Lydia and her uncle over to the rest of your group. They made their way to join the others and you steel yourself to talk to the irritated blonde. When Claire noticed your approach, she wore a pout on her face.

"Teacher! You can't seriously expect me to be in a group with Lydia and her weird friends. Let me switch with someone else!"

As if you hadn't asked the same thing once you saw the roster for your group.

"I'm sorry, Claire. The groups have already been assigned. Miss Shannon doesn't want there to be any switching around. Now here's your band and if you could come over with the rest of the group, we can—"

"Red? Ugh! This day just keeps getting worse! Red doesn't go with my bow, or eyes, or anything! Why can't it be pink?"

"Claire, it's just a band to keep things organized. No one is going to notice or even care, I promise. Please, come over here with the rest of the group so we can get things going."

"Fine."

You hummed on your walk back, happy to have rounded up everyone. With a quick go through attendance, you marked off all the students present. Once done, you asked Mr. Beetleman to watch the girls while you turned in the attendance sheet to the headmistress. You returned and smiled at your group. "Alright, does everyone have everything they need? Lunches, spending money?"

Most of the girls nodded, while a few checked through their bags to make sure they did. After a minute, everyone had everything in order. You nodded and flipped through your clipboard.

"Alright, we'll board the buses soon. Mr. Beetleman since you'll be helping me chaperone—"

"Oh great. I'm stuck with Lydia and her grody relative."

"Claire!" You jerked your head to her with a deep frown. "That is highly disrespectful! Apologize this instant!"

Claire huffed and gestured to the man. "But he is! Just look at him!"

You narrow your eyes at the girl, then glance to Mr. Beetleman. His appearance was definitely abnormal, with eyes a tad more sunken and yellowed than what seemed healthy. Mr. Beetleman flashed you a smile where his slight overbite showed off crooked teeth. He may be a tad odd, but that was no reason to insult the man. You gave him an apologetic smile before turning back to Claire.

"Claire. Apologize to Mr. Beetleman right now or I'm going to insist that you sit out the field trip."

You tapped your foot, waiting. She groaned, rolling her eyes before she spat out a short, insincere apology. You shook your head and rubbed at your already aching temple. This was going to be a long day.

Once given the go ahead, the teachers and chaperones ushered their groups on to the buses. They assigned your group to the last of the three, and you were the last to board. The other two teachers on board sat in the back while the students scattered across the rows, clustering in the middle of the bus.

You followed your students and watched them pick their seats. Claire sat with girls from the other group. Most of the others took their seats, intermingling as well. You had shuffled into one of the front benches and noticed Lydia and her uncle had sat behind you with one empty one open as a buffer.

You scanned over the girls, all chatting and abuzz with excitement, as the bus driver pulled out from the school grounds. Before you turned back to face forward, you made brief eye contact with Mr. Beetleman. Claire's remark replayed in your head and you glanced away, frowning. That comment didn't sit right with you. You cleared your throat to get his attention and offer another apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry for earlier. Claire is... not always the best with social skills."

He shrugged with a lopsided smile. "No skin off my nose."

You gave a slight nod and glanced over to the blonde gabbing with the other students. So young and full of potential. If only she'd apply it to things other than her vanity. You shook your head and looked back to Mr. Beetleman, who had his hand over his nose.

"Are you alright?"

"Uncle BJ is fine!" Lydia said. "He just has some allergies that have been acting up. That's all."

"What the kid said." he nasally said while holding his nose.

"Oh no, do you need an antihistamine or anything? I could break one in half so you don't get too drowsy."

"Nah, I'll be fine. Thanks though, teach."

He let go of his face and gave grinned, showing you there was nothing to worry about. You covered your mouth to hide your own growing smile.

"If you're sure. But don't be afraid to ask if your allergies get worse. I have a travel first aid kit with me."

For the rest of the drive, you triple checked the schedules and your group's tour route. The first field trip you'd be going on as a teacher for the school. A simple trip to the zoo. You wanted it to go as smooth as possible.

You could still hardly believe you landed this job. It's rare for a position to open, but the last teacher in your spot left with little notice. He said he had gotten too stressed to teach anymore. But you had heard through the school gossip that it was more likely an excuse to get away from a certain student.

You shook off those thoughts. It's best not to dwell on rumors. You needed to focus on doing the best job you could.

The bus stopped at the front entrance. Outside the window, the students from the other buses waited in rows to get into the zoo. The teachers from the back stood up once the bus stopped and lead their students out. Once it was just you and your group, you got up from your seat to do the same.

You lined up your students at the end and waited for Miss Shannon to take care of the admissions. Groups were let in one at a time, and you quadruple checked the tour plan as you waited. Finally, it was your turn to go inside.

"Alrighty girls. The first stop is the penguins."

The girls' anticipation nearly hit its breaking point. They followed you like a flock of ducklings as you navigated the park. Between the map the school provided, and the boards set up for visitors, you found your way to the Arctic section. Once in that area, however was when it got a little more tricky. You mixed up the paths and ended up taking a detour by the puffins and walruses.

After those brief stops, you lead the students to the correct enclosure. The girls ran up to the divider, noses pressed to the glass, and watched the Antarctic birds. The girls moved around to watch different penguins, looking under the water level to see the ones swimming, while the ones on land preened each other. Most the students gushed over the cute birds, and you noticed Lydia off to the side bobbing along with a penguin whose attention she caught.

You hung back and smiled at the girls. It was adorable to see the students so ecstatic. Even Claire cooed at the penguins, though you heard her comment on how the penguins should totally wear cute pink dresses rather than tuxedos.

You shook your head with a roll of your eyes.

You flipped through your papers looking for the lecture notes for the penguins and notice Mr. Beetleman had taken a few steps back. His niece sprinted from one end of the glass to the other, while the penguin on the other side followed her movements. She also interspersed her laps with snapshots of the birds.

"Looks like your niece is enjoying herself."

Mr. Beetleman turned his attention towards you. He huffed a small laugh and showed off a crooked but kind half smile. "Yeah, kid's got a soft spot for animals, no matter how big, or scary, or smelly."

Your lips twitched up in a small smile.

"What about yourself, Mr. Beetleman? Any animals that you have a soft spot for?"

"I like to think of myself as quite the connoisseur of bugs. Especially beetles."

"Is that so?" You asked with a laugh. His faux posh accent caught you off guard. You coughed into your hand and did your best to ignore the pain in your cheeks from biting back a smile. "Well, you're in luck. We go through the insectarium before we break for lunch. They have a large exhibit of bugs from all over the globe."

Most of the students voiced their disgust with groans.

"Like, we have to go see gross bugs before lunch?"

You closed your eyes and took in a breath before you bothered to turn to Claire. You forced a pleasant smile and let the air out through your nose in a short huff. "Yes. We're going through the insectarium later—"

The girls groaned and made more disgusted sounds.

"—I know not everyone likes bugs, but they are an important part of nature and we're going to be learning about them."

Most of the students made disgusted faces. Mr. Beetleman and his niece looked to be the only ones interested in the exhibit. You hummed and flipped over your papers to get back on track. Might as well start the lesson part of the tour, since everyone had their attention on you.

You read off the prepared notes, and prompted the students with questions. The short bookish girl answered most of the questions, though you encouraged the other girls to answer when they could.

Once wrapped up with the penguins, you—with the aid of Mr. Beetleman—ushered the students to the next animal on the schedule. Next up was the polar bears, which were technically Arctic and not Antarctic, but hey the zoo only had so much room available.

You arrived at the polar bears' enclosure to find them lazing. Two sat on the land in large piles of snow, while the third floated in the water. Like before, you hung back to let the students watch, but they were far less engaged this time.

Mr. Beetleman stepped back once more to let his niece watch and get photos from all angles of the bears. You hunted for the next lesson in your notes but spied Mr. Beetleman step back a tad more than last time. You paid it little mind until he said, "With all this excitement it's almost un-bear-able," under his breath.

You sputtered a laugh and raised a hand to your mouth to hold back more. Despite your attempt, however, you caught his ear. He looked to you with a half smile showing off crooked teeth.

"You like that one? Maybe you and me aren't as much of polar opposites as I thought! Seems like all these arctic animals are helping break the ice!"

You bit your lip and pressed your knuckle to your mouth, but you couldn't stop your shoulders from bouncing as you snickered. You didn't want to disturb the other visitors, but he made that difficult with his goofy puns and cute face.

You took in a breath to let out gently, only for it to get chopped up from more laughter. There were lessons to be taught. You needed to get yourself under control. Poised and proper, you could do this. You coughed and cleared your throat as quietly as possible.

You gave your fellow chaperone a playful glare before you gathered the girls to a central spot for the lesson. One or two of the students yawned as you read off the notes. You gestured to the bears as you read another factoid.

"Polar bears are the largest carnivo—what on earth?"

Your train of thought crashed when you looked out at the bears. The two on land stood on their hind legs and dived into the water. All three met in the deepest part of the pool and swam in a circle with an eerily human synchrony.

You couldn't bring yourself to look away, afraid it would break the spell. But you had to know if anyone else saw that too. You pried away and found your students and many other visitors had their eyes glued to the bears. Good to know others took notice of the bears' swimming skills.

"Wow! I never knew they could swim like that!" said a taller brunette from your group.

You watched the bears again. They swam in circles, each bear matching the strokes of the others; left, then right, spin, then dive. You were at a loss for words. To witness such a spontaneous act from them, and done so well, it was as if it were magic.

The routine lasted a minute, ending with the bears looking around, confused. Whatever showboating spirit overtook them, it had left. Even they didn't know what had possessed them to do that.

You blinked a few times and gathered your thoughts. The lesson continued, but the girls and you glanced at the bears several times throughout the rest. The polar bears, however, returned to lazing around their enclosure. When you finished the lesson, you announced the next stop.

"Okay, next stop is the seals!"

On the walk over, the students chattered among themselves, still baffled by the polar bears' routine. Mr. Beetleman laughed with his niece, though you couldn't hear the topic. He caught you looking back, and you whipped forward to focus on leading the way.

Much like the last few times, the girls rushed to the glass to watch while you and Mr. Beetleman stayed back. You kept your eyes forward, watching over both the students and the seals. Despite your focus, you still noticed Mr. Beetleman taking a few side steps in your direction.

"I see this one gets the seal of approval from the kids."

You press your lips tight, redirecting your laugh as more stuttered exhales. With a smile growing on your face, you turned to get a better look at the man and find him sporting a grin of his own.

You cleared your throat and in the most deadpan tone you could muster, you said, "Mr. Beetleman, that has got to be the seal-iest thing I've ever heard."

He blinked and his features sank a bit, only for his grin to grow back even stronger. "Animal humor, you know I love it!"

You let out a giggle and shake your head. "So how are you and your niece enjoying the trip so far, Mr. Beetleman?"

"Lydia's loving it, and I can't complain much. But You don't have to keep bein' so formal. Ya can just call me BJ."

"BJ? Hmm, may I ask what it's short for?"

He stiffened at your question before he reached up to scratch the back of his neck. "Short for? Yeah, it's uh—"

"Uncle Ben!" You and Mr. Beetleman turned to his niece Lydia, waving him over. She pointed to one seal flopping around on the land part of its enclosure. "Isn't it so cute?"

He walked over to Lydia. She took photos, some with her uncle posing in them. You chuckled to yourself and gave the girls one more minute before the next lesson.

Afterwards you moved on to the next animal in the arctic section, followed by another, and another. Soon your group made it through the entire section and moved on to the next. From the Arctic to South America, followed by Europe, then Africa.

In between your lessons as the students gawked and cooed at the various animals, you laughed more and more at Mr. Beetleman—no, BJ's jokes. You even got him to laugh at a few of your own jokes. There was a childish sense of pride and glee that swelled in you any time you got him to laugh.

"You know, teach, seeing all these lions is giving me the urge to sing." BJ said as the kids watched the large cats.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, breaking out into 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away."

You bit your knuckle and shook your head at him as you fought back tears and laughter.

"Trust me, teach, I ain't lion. It's a real paw-blem."

You couldn't hold back your fit of laughter anymore and snorted louder than you'd like. A few of the girls looked back at you and BJ, and you hid your burning face behind your clipboard. You take a few quick breaths to calm yourself, fighting the smile on your lips as you did. Once calm again, you shoot the man a playful glare.

"You are the worst, have you no since of pride?"

He beamed at you and you call the girls over to get the lesson started before he can crack more jokes. As you went through the last lesson of the African section, you calmed more, but your smile stayed plastered on your face. Once the lesson wrapped up and you asked the last of the questions, you announce the next destination.

"Time to head to the insectarium."

Most of the girls groan and make disgusted protests. You let out a sigh and open your mouth to say something, but BJ spoke up first.

"You heard your teacher, kids. Gotta get going!"

BJ ushered the kids along to get them moving, and you knitted your brows in a mix of amusement and bewilderment. BJ had helped keep the students together and moving along, sure, but that was the first time he did so with any sense of diligence. The man must really like bugs.

You rolled your eyes with a smile and lead the group. With the map on your clipboard you follow the asphalt path to the insectarium, weaving around the growing crowds as you made your way there. Unlike the other animal enclosures, the insectarium was a building all to itself. A man exited the building, towing two young boys, and blew passed you. You huffed and held open the door as BJ ushered in the group of less than enthused girls.

The warm, muggy air hit you as you followed the girls inside the building. Countless displays of bugs filled the room, lining the bright orange walls and placed in various rows. Signs throughout the room showed pictures of spiders, praying mantises, centipedes, and scorpions, as well as butterflies, dragonflies, and beetles. While the floor was spacious and open, the displays formed a few nooks and crannies that obscured parts.

The students stayed clustered around you, not that eager to venture a glance at the displays. Most of them, anyway. Lydia grabbed her uncle's hand and pulled him away to a section full of spiders. Two girls you noticed hung around Lydia, the tall brunette and short redhead, also mustered up the courage to break off and peruse the exhibits as well.

The remaining three followed you and didn't dare approach any of the glass displays. You hummed and scanned the room. Perhaps if you showed them the tamer and prettier looking insects, the students would be more engaged. You gestured to them and guided them through the displays.

Brightly colored butterflies and gem-like dragonflies darted in their large cases off to the side, away from the more creepy crawly bugs. The girls peered around you and took a few steps over to see the enchanting patterns on some of the butterflies' wings.

Except for Claire.

"Teacher! I don't want to be here. Like, it's just a bunch of gross bugs."

"Bugs are very important, Claire. Here, do you like flowers?"

"Well duh. Flowers are pretty and they smell nice."

"Well, flowers need to be pollinated in order for there to be more flowers. And do you know how flowers get pollinated?"

"No."

"Bugs. Bees, and butterflies, and even some beetles. They go from flower to flower and get pollen all over. Which helps the flowers make more flowers. Bugs are an essential part of a lot of other animals' diets. If there weren't any bugs a lot of animals would go hungry."

"Gross, who would want to eat bugs!"

"Birds, lizards, fish. Heck, even people sometimes."

"Ew! Nasty! I would never eat a bug. Like, why eat that when I could have something fancy like lobster?"

You bit your lip and held back a laugh. This poor, naïve child. You debated on whether you should tell her. Before you decided, Claire huffed and marched over to watch at the butterflies with the others. It was probably best to keep quiet on the matter, but boy was that child in for a rude wake up call.

You sigh and left to check on the others. The brunette and redhead—Prudence and Bertha, or was it Bertha and Prudence? Which ever way it was, the pair watched an orchid mantis climb flower stocks. The shorter one in glasses smiled at you and read out loud the plaques for the orchid mantis. You asked them a few things on the insect, and the brunette chimed in with some answers. You praised the two and smiled.

After jotting notes, you scanned the room for Lydia and BJ, only to frown when you saw no trace of them. You tapped your pen against the clipboard and scanned the room again. Claire was still with Mindy and Gwen at the butterflies. Bertha and Prudence were right next to you. So where were Lydia and BJ?

You walked through the rows of exhibits searching for Lydia, but there wasn't any sign of her. Prickles of fear crawled up your spine, and you hurried your pace. You tapped your pen faster against your board to let out your building anxiety, but it never spent enough energy. Once you looped back to Prudence and Bertha, you asked them if they had seen Lydia and her uncle.

The redhead—Prudence—pointed out where she last saw Lydia. You thanked her and weaved your way through the exhibits as fast as you could without running. The displays jutted out to form a nook tucked away from the rest of the floor. At one display, with eyes glued to the tarantula in the case, was your missing student. You put a hand to your chest and let out a relieved sigh. The sound caught the dark-haired girl's attention, and she waved you over to watch with her.

"Teacher look! Isn't she pretty!"

You crouched to look at the fuzzy arachnid meandering across the gravel floor of its enclosure. Dark brown hairs covered its body save for the legs. Stripes ran down its legs in long thin bars of the same dark brown and contrasted with ones in ivory. You looked at the name for the specimen and read it.

"The Costa Rican zebra tarantula, or striped-knee tarantula. I see where your uncle gets his fashion advice." You said. It got a laugh out of her, which got you chuckling as well. After a quick sweep of the area you realize BJ wasn't there. Your lips sank into a slight frown as you hummed in thought. "Speaking of, where is he?"

"Oh! Um. Uncle BJ said he had to go to the little boy's room."

A thunderous clatter cut through the air, followed by shattering glass and screams. A wave of icy fear crashed over you. You told Lydia to stay put as you bolted around the corner to see what happened.

Your eyes grew to saucers. Toppled displays, shattered cases, and an angry swarm of bugs filled the room. Those with wings whizzed by, while others spread out from the crash sites as an infestation.

Your students and the other patrons scrambled to get any distance possible from the bugs. You bit your lip. What do you do? What can you do? Keeping the girls safe was your utmost responsibility. You tightened your grip on the clipboard charge to the group, swatting at any bugs daring to cross you.

"Girls! Outside!"

You darted straight for the front door and gave the group a sharp look. The students wore various nervous expressions, not wanting to go through the swarm of bugs to reach the door.

"NOW!"

Bertha and Prudence were the first of your girls to budge. They ran out, followed by the other patrons, then the last of your group. You ran out hot on their heels and got your girls grouped together. You counted heads—Bertha, Prudence, Claire, Gwen, Mindy. Five. Where?

Your heart sank.

"Stay out here. Stay away from the doors, get back and wait for me or a Zookeeper."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and pivoted. You rushed back in and find the swarm had spread to fill the now empty room. Among the infestation you could see bright warning coloration. Whether the colors of true venomous insects or mimics, you didn't want to hang around and find out. You held up your clipboard and took in a few steadying breaths.

"Lydia! Where are you?"

"Over here!"

You rushed over to the voice, avoiding as many bugs as possible. Despite that, they grazed your exposed skin and buzzed passed your ear. One of them even bumped up against your lip. You pushed your shivers down, dead set on getting your student out of there.

You looped around the displays to find the path of least resistance, only to stop dead in your tracks when you get to Lydia. Wasps, several of them, all buzzing between you and Lydia. You tapped your nails against the clipboard as your mind raced to work out what to do.

You bit down on the clipboard, hard enough to hold it, and stripped off your jacket. You shuffled things, so the board was under your arm and held the jacket in both your hands.

"Lydia. I'm going to count to three, and you're going to run over to me. Okay? Run as fast as you can."

She nodded, and you counted.

"One."

"Two."

"Three!"

Lydia bolted over to you, getting the wasp's attention. You threw your coat over her and scooped her into your arms. Once you had a hold of her, you made a mad dash to the front door, as angry buzzing chased you. You reached out for the handle, yanking it as hard as you could, only for it to stay closed. You held Lydia tighter and pulled again. Still nothing.

"Shit. Why would they lock the fucking door!" A sharp stabbing pain shot through your calf, and you buckled some from the pain. "Shit!"

"Teacher? Is—"

"Shi—um sorry. It's okay. Just got to find another way out."

You turned to search for the emergency exit and winced when you moved your stung leg. The buzz of insect wings beat against your ears, and you swore it was getting worse. You wanted to cover your ears, but that wasn't an option while you held Lydia.

"Ribbit."

You flinched and found a fairly large frog munching away on what remained of a wasp. The chihuahua sized frog sat staring up at you for a moment with bright yellow eyes. Its pattern and coloration reminded you of a poison dart frog, but no species of them grew bigger than a few inches at most.

Once the monochrome striped frog ate the last of the wasp, it hopped away on long legs ending with bright red toes. Its tongue lashed out and snatched more bugs, devouring them in seconds and reducing the swarm at an impressive rate.

As the frog thinned out the bug population, you carried Lydia towards the emergency exit on the far side of the building. A long green blur shot out in front of you, and you flinched back with a squeak. You glanced to where the blur came from to find the frog retracting its striped green tongue with a freshly caught beetle.

"Teacher? What's going on?"

"It's alright, this frog just startled me."

"A frog?" Lydia asked, squirming in your arms. She pulled down your coat to look and when they made eye contact, the frog croaked at her too.

"He must be in froggy heaven with all these bugs out. But we still need to get out to the others. And wait, where's your uncle? Oh no. Is he still in here too?"

"I'm sure uncle BJ is fine! He's probably just... getting something to eat after he went to the restroom."

You hummed, still worried something could have happened, but you still needed to get Lydia and yourself out. The frog croaked again before it hopped away to catch more lunch. You huffed with a small smile and continued to the exit.

Once outside with the door shut behind you, you set Lydia down and walked her to the rest of the group. The girls clamored around you as you approached, asking to know what happened. When your responses didn't give them the answers they wanted, some students switched to bombarding Lydia with questions.

"Girls, please. I'm not sure what all caused the bugs to get out. I'm sure the zookeepers can handle it from here."

"Teacher, was it scary to go back in there?"

You offered a half smile and gave the students a few answers, hoping they'd more readily follow instructions with a sated curiosity. Once they asked their questions, you asked one of your own, wanting to know what happened while you were getting Lydia.

Apparently one zookeeper, thinking everyone had cleared out the building, locked the front door before running off to get help. You pressed your lips tight when you heard that. On one hand, you understood the keeper's actions, but on the other they should have poked their head in to at least check!

"Hey teach, everything alright?"

You whipped around to find BJ sporting a sheepish grin.

"Mr. Beetleman! Oh, thank goodness you're okay. Yes, everything is alright. Everyone is here." You said and heaved out a sigh. You glanced back to the girls. "Alright, let's all sit down and make sure no one else got bit or stung."

You guided the students over to benches on the side and had them sit. One by one you examined them, checking arms, legs, faces and necks. Once you checked over every student, you breathed a sigh of relief. No one had gotten bitten by any of the bugs. You took a seat and tended to your sting when there was a yelp from one student.

"Like, ew! Something bit me!"

You got up to look over Claire again and found a mosquito on her upper arm. You pinched it between your fingers and dusted it off her.

"Ew! Gross!"

"Well, it's gone now. You can wash off your arm before we break for lunch."

Claire pouted, and you did your best not to show the flicker of annoyance on your face. She's just a child and the whole bug escape had everyone on edge. You blew out a small breath and went back to tending to your minor injury.

Once washed off and slapped with a bandage, you got up and stretched your leg. It still hurt, but was tolerable to wait for the painkillers to take effect.

The staff returned shortly after and pushed everyone further back. You asked if they needed you to stay and give any testimony, but the gruff staff member just told you to leave the area. Rude.

You huffed at him and pivoted to march away, ushering the girls away. If he needed nothing from you, then so be it. The girls needed to get to lunch, anyway. As you guided the girls away, the man let out a shout. You looked over your shoulder to see him swatting at the air, likely being honed in on by a few mosquitoes. You huffed once more and looked forward. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed BJ chuckling to himself with a few glances back of his own.

The school organized for everyone to meet for lunch in the same picnic spot. When you arrived, you got the kids to wash up before heading to the tables for lunch. The group scattered and mingled with the other groups already dining. You smiled only for it to fall as you looked for a seat. The students took up most of the tables, with the other teachers taking up one of their own. And the teachers' table was so crowded, asking to sit there would just be awkward. You'd only been teaching at the school for a month and had yet to make friends with any of the other teachers. Sure, you were professional and polite, but that didn't mean you were much more than acquaintances.

An empty table off to the side sat a tad ways away from the other tables. You hummed to yourself and walked over to claim it. As you mindlessly nibbled away at your meal, you watched over the other tables to make sure the girls didn't get too rowdy.

"Excuse me teacher, may we sit with you?"

You snapped out of your trance and found Lydia smiling at you and still wearing your jacket. She held her uncle's hand and pulled him closer to the table. You blinked and swallowed your bite of food with a nod.

"Oh, uh, sure. I don't mind."

She grinned and sat diagonally to you, leaving her uncle to sit directly across from you. Lydia set her lunch box on the table and took off your jacket. She haphazardly folded it and leaned over the table to hand it back to you.

"Thank you for saving me. Those wasps were furious."

"Yeah, I kinda got the point back there. My leg still hurts a bit. Oh, and um... If you could not mention my more colorful word choices to anyone, I would appreciate that."

BJ tilted his head and asked, "Colorful word choices? Do bugs normally make ya shout out the colors of the rainbow? Ooh! What color would you say for spiders?"

"Uncle BJ, that's not what they meant."

"It's not?"

You bit your knuckle, trying and failing to hide your laughter from bubbling out. The pair took notice, and you waved them off while you fought to stop laughing.

"I'm sorry," you said in between laughs, "You two are just really cute."

Lydia giggled into her hand while BJ scrunched up his face and stuck his tongue out. You bit harder on your knuckle as your shoulders bounced. How were they so cute?

You got your laughter to subside and resumed eating your lunch. Lydia did the same, but BJ had nothing in front of him.

"Are you not going to eat, Mr. Beetleman?"

"Nah, I got some grub back when we were at the bug house. And ya really don't have to keep calling me that. Like I said, just call me BJ."

"Right. I'm sorry Mr. Beetle—um, BJ."

A smile stretched across his face as his nickname rolled off your tongue. You smiled back with a giggle.

Lydia looked back over her shoulder and said, "I think I hear Bertha and Prudence calling me to go sit with them! Thanks again, teacher."

She dashed off with her lunch a moment later. Curiously, it looked like her friends had only just rounded the corner. But you couldn't blame the kid for wanting to sit with her peers over adults.

"So, um, BJ. Are you okay after the little... insect fiasco? I'm sorry I forgot to ask earlier, I was just so worried the girls might have gotten hurt."

"Oh yeah, babes, I'm fine, no need to worry about me."

You blinked once or twice with a growing warmth on your cheeks. The new moniker caught you off guard. You murmured the word to yourself and felt the warmth intensify. Another giggle bubbled up in you, and this time you didn't suppress it.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay, too. Though I missed you while we were going through the insectarium. I would have grassed you'd hop at the opportunity to make all the insect puns you could, Mr. Beetle-man."

"Nah, jokes like that really bug me."

"That's hard to bee-lieve."

"Glad my joke didn't fly over your head."

"I'm gnat that gullible."

He snickered with a grin, showing off crooked teeth. That, strangely enough, suited him. You couldn't help but join in with a chuckle of your own. He certainly was cute, even if he didn't agree. Your laughter trailed off a moment later with a warm hum.

"So, BJ, do you live in Peaceful Pines or somewhere close?"

"Eeh... My place is kinda close, but hard to get to. It's this out of the way neighborhood that you've probably never heard of."

"I suppose so, considering I'm pretty new to Peaceful Pines myself. What do you do for a living?"

"Oh. Well... I~ 'm... A musician!"

"A musician?"

"Yeah! In between gigs right now."

"What do you play?"

"Better question is what can't I play! Guitar, drums, keyboard, ukulele, armpit!"

That last one got a sudden laugh out of you, and you bit your lip to stop your abrupt laughter. "My, that's quite the assortment of instruments." BJ's smile stretched at your compliment and you couldn't help but smile back. "Have you written any of your own songs?"

"Oh yeah! Loads of songs! Smells Like Ten Spirits, Ghoul Is In The Hearse, Boo-hemian Rhapsody."

"Sounds spooky. I wouldn't mind hearing you play sometime," you said with a small giggle.

Whatever he planned on saying died in his throat, and he pressed his lips tight for a minute. You could have sworn that his pale tone flushed with a bit more color at that moment. Which honestly got you to giggle more.

"Really?"

"Of course! I'd love to hear you play! I love all kinds of music. What sorts of genres do you play? Rock? Metal? You mentioned a keyboard, do you play any electronic?"

He glanced away and rubbed the back of his neck, still sporting more color than normal. But he wore a smile on his face, so that's good.

"Ah, you know, a bit of this and a bit of that. I don't know what genre they'd actually fall under."

"Well, I'd still love to hear it."

"Heh, yeah. Maybe sometime."

You smiled and took a few more bites of your lunch. Between bites you asked about the town and what was there. Sure you knew the bigger things like where the grocery store was, but you had yet to venture out and explore Peaceful Pines. BJ made outlandish claims concerning the town, like how he and his niece set up a store one time and everyone in town clamored to buy from them. You rolled your eyes and listened to his yarn, smiling as he got invested into telling his stories.

When lunch ended you rounded up your group, the other teachers doing the same. Some girls grumbled over having to part with their friends in other groups—Claire—most other students fell in line with little fuss.

As the students cleared out from the tables, other zoo patrons overtook them. One group being a man with two boys loudly griping something or other about schools. You shook your head and focused on looking after your students.

After counting everyone, you lead the group to finish your tour through the zoo. The next stop on the schedule had you at a smaller farm-like section. You guided the girls to the front of the gated area and lead them into the main pen. Various cute domesticated animals stood around with the odd zookeeper milling around, supervising.

"Alright girls, you have some time to go see the animals. Please be gentle!"

The kids scattered, seeking different animals. As they left, you overheard Claire voice her disgust regarding the smell of the stinky farm animals. You let out a sigh and rubbed at your temple.

"I don't get what she's complaining about. This place smells great!"

You sputtered a laugh and glanced sidelong at BJ. Your lips curled into a half smile as you shook your head.

"BJ, you are—a very strange man."

"Hey babes, 'Strange' is my middle name."

"Is it now? Ben J. Strange Beetleman?"

"Uh... Yep. That's my name don't wear it out!"

"You're a goof." you said laughing. You scanned over the large pen and saw the students with animals. At least this time you had an unobstructed view of all of them.

"So, teach, how you liking your job with the school?"

You blinked and glanced at him before you thought over an answer. "It's been tricky, but I'm extremely thankful to have gotten this job. I still can't believe the last teacher just left though."

"Mr. Greener?"

"Yes actually. You knew him?"

"Yeah, he was a piece of shit! Lyds put a lot of work into a group project but because he hated me—my other niece Betty, he flailed them!"

"Oh dear, please try not to let the girls hear that language," you said. The distance between you and the girls made it unlikely that any of them could hear your conversation. But you'd still wanted to be careful. "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, though. Did you speak to the headmistress to get your nieces' grades corrected?"

"Eh. Sorta. Except I went and saw Mr. Greener personally."

"I hope he was reasonable."

"Yeah. Nothing a bit of juicing couldn't solve."

"J-juicing?" you asked, tilting your head. "Like, you went out for drinks?"

He flinched and rubbed the back of his head. BJ shifted his weight from one leg to the other before he pointed a thumb in Lydia's direction. "Something like that. Hey, I'm going to check on Lyds."

"Oh, of course. I should check on the other girls too."

He nodded and jogged over to his niece and her friends. He was far enough away that you couldn't make out what he and the girls were saying. Whatever it was, the girls giggled, and BJ ran his fingers through his pale blond hair as he glanced away.

You chuckled to yourself and looked over your clipboard. As you flipped through the pages, a loud bleat came from behind you. A lamb sneaked up to you in search of affection. You knelt to dote on the small lamb and it bleated at you more. After you cooed at the baby for a minute you stood back up, you still needed a to check on the students.

You circled around the petting zoo pen and counted each of the girls. A bonus of your walk was the chance to find other animals on their lonesome and in need of pets. Claire and a girl with a ponytail found rabbits to hold. One student was with a small flock of chickens, while Lydia and her friends gave a goat love and affection.

You made it to a corner of the pen away from most of the other animals save for a lone donkey and resting ducks. You smiled to the donkey and stepped closer, gently reaching out a hand to give the cutie a pat on the head.

The donkey enjoyed the attention and butted its head into your hand more. You giggled and scratched the top of its mane, which appeared to be significantly lighter than what was common for donkeys. Then again, given that it also had zebra stripes, it may be a hybrid.

You left to speak with the girls only for the donkey to follow you. It nudged your free hand asking for more pets, and you laughed. You broke every time and gave the little donkey more pats and scratches as you made your way to check in with the students.

You got over to Lydia, Bertha, and Prudence and greeted them. After a quick hello to them, you end up getting another nudge from the donkey. You caved yet again and patted its head.

Lydia gave the donkey an accusing look, and it responded with a huff. You chuckled at the exchange.

"Is something the matter?"

"No teacher, I'd just keep an eye on that donkey if I were you."

"Oh, he's harmless," you said and bent down to pet the animal's head, "he just likes the attention. Doubt this poor guy is as popular as the other animals here."

You scratch along the back of its ear down to the back of its jaw. The donkey, in response, leaned its cheek into your palm.

"Such a sweetheart."

It blew its lips at you and got a laugh out of you.

"No? You sure?" It huffed at you and you scratched its cheek more. "Alright, have it your way."

You gave it one more pat on the head before you stood. The donkey, despite its chagrin, still followed you. Throughout your check in, the striped donkey nudged at you, demanding more affection. You checked in with Gwen amid the chickens, then proceeded to Mindy and Claire.The pair each cradled a bunny. You greeted them as you walked up and asked how they were doing. The donkey took a few steps closer to Claire and brayed loudly in her face. It startled the rabbit she held, causing it to squirm out of her arms and hit the ground running.

"Ugh! You stupid, ugly thing! You scared off my cute little bunny!"

You took a step, wanting to get her to calm down in case she got the animals upset. Before you could, the donkey brayed in her face again and dropped to the dirt. It rolled on the ground and kicked up an enormous dust cloud that got in your eyes. The girls started coughing, and you ushered them away from the donkey, enjoying his dirt bath.

"Come on, let's see if you can get the bunny back. Or maybe there's another animal here you'd like to play with."

The blonde huffed as she adjusted her bow. She said nothing and marched off in search of another rabbit to hold. You sighed and spared a glance at the donkey wallowing. It rolled onto its legs, tucking them under its body, and looked your way before it blew a raspberry at you.

When the time came to head to the next destination, you got the students to line up near the entrance of the petting zoo. Lydia and her uncle lagged behind, and you swept the area to see where they might have gone off to. The only real hiding spot would be the large open barn.

You turned a corner and could hear BJ's voice before you saw him. "What? I'm telling you, Lyds, it was an act! I was just playing the part."

You stepped closer and cleared your throat to get the pair's attention. Both their heads jerked your way, and you gave a half smile. "It's time to go. We need to get to the Asian section of animals next."

Lydia's face lit up, and she grabbed BJ's hand. She pulled him along, saying, "Let's go! I can't wait to see pandas!"

You shook your head as she dragged him passed you. However, you called after them when you got a look at BJ's back.

"Goodness BJ, did you fall down? You're covered in dirt."

You closed the gap between you and dusted off his back. Some of the light brown dirt came off, but the shirt needed to go through the wash to get off the rest of it. Once you wiped off all the dirt you could, you smiled at him and lead the way back to the others.

You held the gate open for everyone. The girls chatted among themselves, still gushing about the cute animals. As BJ passed by, you noticed his face flushed again. You hoped his allergies weren't too severe, but he never asked for an antihistamine, so they must have been tolerable.

You fished through your bag for the bottle and bumped into the arm of a man. You stepped to the side and apologized. His sunburnt features twisted into a sneer. He said nothing as he walked with his two screaming boys into the petting zoo. You tapped your finger against a metal piece on your bag before you hurried off to get back ahead of your group.

You lead the group through the other continents, showing the students animals from Asia followed by North America. You and BJ kept up your jokes while the girls watched the different animals on the tour. To your surprise, BJ even sprinkled in a few more questions about yourself between jokes.

You shared your favorite movies with him, a story about an awful vacation you had a few years back, and what insects you were fond of the most. BJ then told you his own answers. Like how The Exorcist was his favorite comedy, he hated trips to his aunt and uncle's place, and how beetles were his absolute favorite bugs. No surprise on that last one.

You lead the group to the last of the continents for your tour. Your chest ached as you counted the handful of animals left to visit, but you put on a smile and lead the students through the Australian part of the zoo. The girls cooed at the kangaroos and flinched away from crocodiles in the middle of their own lunch. BJ even flinched away from the large perentie lizard that, as far as you could tell, was just soaking up the sun in a nice little sandy spot. When you got to the last animal on the list, the girls rushed to the railing.

"Hey! Don't climb on the railing! Get down from there!"

"But like, I can't see the koala bears!"

"I said get down Claire. And they're not bears."

The girl did as told, but she groaned and griped. You frowned, but let it be so long as she nor the others climbed up again. The kids had trouble getting good vantage points, but with time everyone found spots to watch the koalas. Once the kids settled, BJ stepped back to crack a few more jokes with you.

"Goodness, BJ, you sure have a vast pool of jokes to pull from."

He cracked a half-smirk-half-smile at you. "Well, it's nothing but koala-ety jokes from me babes."

You laughed harder and caught yourself a moment later with a cough into your fist. "BJ, I've been meaning to ask; do you help chaperone for the school often?"

"Not really. Came this time cause Lyds was beggin' me to come along with her. Sweet girl, wants to spend as much time with her uncle as she can."

You smiled and looked back at the girls. Only for your blood to chill. "Claire!"

Your shout shocked the blonde scaling the bars. She lost her grip and fell back onto the ground. You scowl and march over to her. With your hands on your hips, you tapped your foot, waiting for her to get back to her feet.

"I told you not to climb the railing. What if you fell in?"

"But I can't see them!"

"If you won't listen to instructions, you can stand back next to me."

"Ew! Gross."

Claire wasn't happy in the slightest, and neither were you. You stood closer to the railing so Claire could still see. However, standing with her put a stop to your banter with BJ. You sighed and mindlessly checked over your clipboard for the last lesson.

A few minutes later you rattled off the educational part of the tour. It didn't last long, only five minutes, and once you finished reading, that was it. No more lessons. No more tour.

"Alright. That's it. We got a bit of time left before we need to head back to the buses."

"Teacher?" the tall brunette said. "Can we go by the gift shop? I want to get something for my mom."

You checked the map. It was on the way to the buses, so you didn't see any harm in perusing the shop for a while. You nodded, and the girls got excited. You showed BJ the location of the shop and guided the kids there.

After the twists and turns of the zoo pathways, and weaving through the growing number of patrons attending the zoo, your group makes it to the gift shop closest to the front gate.

You crossed into the shop where colorful souvenirs stacked high on every wall. Shirts in every color of the rainbow lined two of the wall, along with hats and tote bags. Stuffed animals of all sorts piled into the shelves of another part of the wall. Display stands covered most of the sales floor, packing in as much products as the building could hold. The girls scatted the instant you stepped inside, each drawn to different areas of the store. You rolled your eyes and strolled through the shop, interested to see if anything jumped out at you.

Claire and Mindy played with the plushies. The two pulled the smaller toys from the shelves and checked each one. As you passed by, Mindy asked you to check the price of the large giraffe toy on top of one of the floor displays. You found the tag of the toy nearly as tall as her and told her the steep price. She frowned and hugged the smaller giraffe toy in her arms tighter.

She went back to playing with Claire, and you moved on to check on the other girls. Bertha, Prudence and Gwen examined tumbled rocks that sat in a large bin. Prudence meticulously inspected rocks before deciding whether to place in the velvet pouch. Bertha and Gwen, in contrast, didn't scrutinize the rocks they put in their velvet pouches.

You passed them by with a smile and wondered to a corner of the shop stocked with candy. Odd that none of your girls browsed that section.

You shrugged to yourself and looked over the selection. Packages of chocolates, bags of gummies, jars filled with rock candy, and many, many more types of sweets crammed into that corner display. You grabbed one thing for yourself and notice peculiar lollipops next to it. The longer you looked at the lollipops, the more you thought it a good idea to buy one as well.

You grabbed one and took your selections up to the register to pay. The cashier rang up your items, and you handed them the payment as a booming voice cut through the air. You and most everyone in the shop turned to find a sunburnt man jostling two rowdy boys into the store. You sighed but turned back to finish your transaction. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Once paid for, you take your candies, and head over to check on the last two members of the group. Lydia and her uncle compared boxes of solid white figurines in need of painting. You glanced over the various sets for sale, dinosaurs, birds, savanna animals, fish. Lydia held a box of the dinosaurs and looked it over with a slight frown.

"Can't decide which one you want?" You asked.

"I was hoping they'd have the one with bugs. I can never find that one."

You hummed and looked over the shelf. Birds, birds, fish, dinosaurs, birds, oh? You leaned closer and pulled out the front kits, handing them off to BJ. You grabbed the kit from way in the back and handed that one to Lydia.

"Deadly voo! I can't believe you found it!"

"They always hide the good stuff in the back."

"Thank you!" She rushed off to the register, clutching her prize. You chuckled and turned to BJ, still holding the stack of other kits. "Oh dear. Here." You helped him put the kits back on the shelf and freed up his arms. "Sorry about that."

"Nah, you're fine. Plus, you helped Lyds get that kit she's been wanting."

You breathed out a small laugh and gave him a half smile as you fiddled with something in your coat pocket. "Oh!" You pulled out the lollipop and handed it to him. "Thought you might like this since you said you were a 'connoisseur of bugs'."

He studied the lollipop, where the transparent pink candy encased a whole cricket. BJ grew a lopsided smile on his face and he put the candy in his shirt's chest pocket.

"Thanks babes! Save that for later."

"What do you think you're doing? Get out of the way, you brat!" The booming voice from earlier cut through the room again.

You spun around and find the man glaring down at Claire and Mindy. Hackles raised, you darted straight over to your students. You pulled the girls behind you and away from the upset man.

"Is there a problem?" you asked in a tone so sharp it could have cut diamonds.

"Yeah, these stupid girls of yours are in my way."

"Sir. I'm sure if you had asked politely they would have moved."

The man leaned to sneer at you. The faint stench of alcohol drifted on his breath. You glared back with your nostrils flared.

"Ow! Hey quit it!"

You break eye contact with the man to find the other girls getting pelted with rocks by the man's two rowdy boys.

"Stop that this instant!" you barked

"Hey, don't you go telling my boys what to do!"

"It's showtime!"

The lights flickered, casting the entire store in shadow for a moment. When the lights turned back on, the head of the giraffe toy had lowered to separate you and the man. The toy faced the man, and you swore it leaned in closer to him and said, "Hey, how's it going."

The toy's head swung at the man, decking him square in the face. The man reeled back and stumbled to the floor. You took that opportunity to remove yourself and grabbed the girls' shoulders to usher them to the other side of the store. You left them with Lydia up front by the cashier—on the phone with what sounded like security.

A deep scream bellowed out. Stuffed animals covered the man on the floor. He squirmed, but couldn't sit up, let alone get to his feet. You spared a disgusted glower at him before darting over to round up the other half of your group.

The boys chased your students into a corner and pelted the girls with their arms full of rocks. You grit your teeth and barked at the two to move. The boys turned. The younger of the two stuck out his tongue while the other said they didn't have to listen to you.

A second later, the boys screamed out and dropped the rocks. Beetles crawled up the two's arms and they both frantically flung their arms to get the bugs off them. The younger started wailing for his dad—still pinned to the floor by stuffed animals. The boys ran over to their father and you grabbed the girls to escort them to the rest of your group.

BJ stood with the other half of the group, laughing at the misfortune of the disaster family. You got the girls accounted for, triple checking you had everyone, and asked the cashier if you needed to stay. The poor kid looked like a deer in the headlights. They couldn't be more than a year out of high school. The cashier made another call and after which they said it was alright for your group to leave.

From there you lead the group back to the front gates and met up with the rest of the school. It wasn't long after that you and the girls boarded the bus. Once you sat, your head started swimming as the last bit of adrenaline drained out of you. It was maybe ten minutes into the drive home that you let out a deep breath and tried to collect your thoughts.

"Are you okay, teacher?"

You sat up and looked back to the row behind you. Lydia sat with her uncle, with her brows knitted in concern. Your mouth felt dry, and you swallowed to relieve the discomfort before answering.

"I've been better. But no one got seriously hurt, so there's that." You lolled your head onto the back of the bench and hissed out a small laugh through your teeth. "Got a crazy story to tell people now. First the bugs, then the jerk in the gift shop."

You heard movement in the seat behind you, followed by BJ's chuckle. "Crazy stories are the best kind!"

"They are after the fact, but between that jerk in the gift and the bug break out earlier, I am very much done with today. My leg still hurts from that wasp sting. If not for that little frog I would have gotten a lot more stings."

"I suppose the frog took a liking to you," Lydia said, "just like that donkey at the petting zoo."

You closed your eyes and sighed once more. BJ muttered something that you didn't bother to decipher. When he spoke clearly, he said, "Besides the minor mishaps, that was a fun trip though!"

You huffed out a dry laugh, but couldn't muster the energy to reply right away. When you did, you asked them to let you rest your eyes for the trip back. They agreed to, and you mumbled a thanks.

Regardless of whether you crossed over into a proper sleep, you managed a semblance of rest by the time the bus pulled up to the school. You sat up and rubbed at your eyes before glancing out the window. The students filed off the bus, followed by the other teachers. You got your things and left just behind the other teachers.

The crowd outside the bus thinned at the edges as students left the school grounds for home. You got to the edge near the building to watch over the students leaving. Among them you caught sight of Lydia and her uncle BJ. You bit your lip a tad worried you came across as rude earlier. An urge to correct that mistake overcame you, and you scurried over to catch them.

"Lydia, wait."

"Is something wrong, teacher?"

"No. Well, possibly. I wanted to apologize if I came across as rude on the bus. After that incident in the gift shop I felt rather drained."

"I understand. I didn't think you were rude."

You gave a soft smile to the girl. "I guess I should let you head home now. I'll see you in class, Lydia. Oh. And BJ, I... hope to see you around too."

"Ya really mean that, teach?"

"Please, you don't have to be so formal," you said with a laugh. You told him your name, and he repeated it to himself with a smile. "I enjoyed your company and wouldn't mind spending more time with you. Perhaps you could even show me around town."

He blinked at you a few times before the biggest grin split his face. "You got it, babes! BJ's Peaceful Pines Town Tours! Just say the word and I'll show you everything from here to the Neitherworld!"

"The Neitherworld? What?"

"Ah, uncle Beej, I think we should get going now. I need to get home for dinner."

"Oh. Right."

They waved you a farewell. You waved one back as you bit your lip and chuckled. Such a strange duo. Especially her uncle. But you've always liked the strange and unusual.

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice x reader #cartoon beetlejuice x reader #toonjuice x reader #my writing

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itsaship-literally · 4 years

Text

Teacher's Pet

by artysmartypigfarty

Lydia goes to school one day to find a substitute teacher that bears a striking *striped* resemblance to her spouse.

A naughty lil one-shot inspired by Professor Beej drawings.

Words: 4668, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, Beetlejuice - All Media Types

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice), Lydia Deetz, Prudence (Beetlejuice), Bertha (Beetlejuice), Claire Brewster

Relationships: Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice/Lydia Deetz

Additional Tags: beetlebabes, Teacher/Student Roleplay, Fingering, High School

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073410

#ao3 #beetlejuice #lydia deetz #fanfiction #Handbook for the Recently Updated

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newstanmarshblog · 4 years

Text

The Average and Unusual Couple: Chapter One

It was night time as Stan Marsh was talking to his best friend Kyle through Skype about able to see each other soon in person for the very first time since South Park went though a long lockdown during the events of a recent global pandemic. After on having a lot of people getting vaccinated to combat against the deadly disease, the pandemic was finally declared over by every government official around the world which means daily lives can get back to normal. Along with the news on announcing the town being one hundred percent safe from the virus, the Mayor of South Park has also announced that all schools will be back into its regular programming starting after labor day. And Stan couldn’t be more than happier to hear such news because he hated being separated from his friends and school for such a long period of time since he still has to deal with on being stuck living at Tegridy Farms.

Stan: Ah man, dude, I’m so excited to able to see you guys again ever since before we all went through this harsh lockdown. How did your brother and parents react to the news?

Kyle: Just as happy as you are, Stan. My parents are celebrating by having a glass of wine together, and Ike can’t wait to get his education in person again because he had a really hard time learning through online classes. How was your family’s reaction?

Stan: My sister is pretty excited to able to date with her boyfriend again, my mom is relieved that things are back to normal and plans to meet up with my uncle Jimbo this weekend, and my dad is super pumped to get back to his plans on opening his first expansion Tegridy store at main street.

Kyle: Your dad still isn’t over with his weed products yet, huh?

Stan frustrated: He never shuts up about it! If it wasn’t for his successful online sales of his Tegridy products during this lockdown, we would’ve moved back to South Park by now. *sighs*

Kyle: Sorry if my question got you upset, dude.

Stan: It’s alright, you didn’t mean it. It has been about over two years now since my dad got obsessed with Tegridy weed, and I really don’t know when he’ll get tried of it. Usually he’ll be obsessed with something for about up to at least serval days and then moves onto the next one, but his fucking weed seems to be the one obsession that finally made him to become something like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings series.

Kyle: Well, I’m sure that your dad will get over of the weed stuff eventually. Anyway, have you heard anything from our other friends on their reaction to the news?

Stan: Only Kenny so far through text messaging on our phones. He wants to all of us to gather together at Stark’s Pond this Saturday and then probably eat out at Chill’s.

Kyle: That’s sounds exciting! I’m completely free for this Saturday anyway.

Stan: Me too. I’ll give Kenny the text that you’re in.

Kyle: Great! *yawns* I gotta get ready for bed now.

Stan: Same. Until then, see you on Saturday. Good night.

Kyle: Night.

After logging out from Skype and then giving Kenny a quick text about their plans on Saturday, Stan got onto his pajamas and heads to bed.

Stan: So far, only half of my life is back to normal.

As grateful as Stan was to able to see his friends and going to school in person for the first time since the lockdown began, he still doesn’t full completely happy just yet. While he’ll be continuing to struggle with living at Tegridy Farms and wishing too come back to South Park, the one other thing that he desperately wanted is to be with his old girlfriend again. For a long time now even before the pandemic started, Stan has made serval attempts to get back together with Wendy, but to no avail. Wendy has became more interested in becoming a woman activist, getting people into healthy shape, and is even dating with Bebe. Even though Stan and Wendy are still good friends with each other mainly because of their love for board games and animals, seeing his old girlfriend becoming more and more busy with her life along with learning the news that she’s now in love with Bebe was just enough for Stan to give up on winning her back. As much as Stan is really happy to see Wendy helping out a lot of people, he also seriously misses that fun side from his old girlfriend, and she seems to be no longer that type of person as often then back in their elementary school years. And still from the very moment when he learned that he can’t no longer have Wendy as his girlfriend, his heart remains to be very broken by it.

Just thinking about on wanting to live back at South Park and being together with Wendy again was enough to break Stan into tears.

Stan sobbing: I just want my entire life back. I want it all back.

He continues to cry for a few moments, cheers himself up, and then gets himself some sleep.

Meanwhile at a home in a town called Peaceful Pines, Lydia Deetz is finishing up packing up her stuff into package boxes as she and her parents are preparing to move out from their home. Her mother comes in to check up on her.

Delia: Oh Lydia, how’s your packaging coming along?

Lydia: It’s all set, mother. Did father heard about the news yet as he came home from his last day at work?

Delia: He was told about it just before he left. He’s relieved that the pandemic is finally over just as much as anyone else on Earth. I’m just very happy that our long road trip to our new home will at least be safe.

Lydia: Yeah, same. Anyway, I’m pretty exhausted from all the packing and would like to get one last peaceful night here before we move out tomorrow.

Delia: Sure thing, sweetheart. Sleep well.

Lydia: You too. See you in the morning.

Just like with South Park, Peaceful Pines also went through a very long period during its lockdown. Lydia was one of the very few students that didn’t mind online teaching very often during the lockdown because despite of being bummed out on not able to learn in person and not seeing two of her friends at school, there was one thing that the pandemic couldn’t take away from her, and that was spending her quality time with a ghostly best friend name Beetlejuice. Very often everyday even before the pandemic took the world by storm, Lydia teleports herself to a very spooky place call the Netherworld where she and Beetlejuice would do a lot of fun stuff together such as playing a game of slam ball, going on crazy adventures, or even take a nice relaxing drive with their living car name Doomie. There’s also some days where she and Beetlejuice will have some simple fun things at her bedroom like watching horror movies or playing video games.

While Lydia was able to get through the pandemic just fine, her parents had a rougher time in comparison. During the the first few months of the pandemic, Charles was working from his home on his computer as he was real estate developer. But by the next spring, his workplace had to layoff some of its employees in order to save money, and Charles was one of those unfortunate employees. He shortly afterwards found a new job at a hardware store. Even though his new job doesn’t earn him as much money as with his old job, it was at least just barely enough to pay the house bills. Delia meanwhile once ran her own small business as a sculptor before the pandemic hit. But by shortly after Christmas, her business went into bankrupt and became unemployed. After filing for unemployment, she was receiving stimulus checks up to at least six hundred dollars every month by the federal government.

Because of the financial struggles that the Deetz family were dealing with, a decision was made that they must find a new home where the payment bills weren’t as expansive as their current house, and nearby jobs where it’s best suited for them based off from their past experiences. Delia was browsing through the internet when she found a house up for sale in South Park Colorado where its house bills weren’t as nearly expansive as their current home. She also learned that there was a job opening at the town’s middle school for an art teacher that’ll be perfect for her, and a job opening at a nearby local real estate business that’ll be perfect for Charles. After going through the paperworks during the summer, the house was recently bought and the Deetzes have now just finished packing before their long trip ahead of them. They expect to reach their new home during Labor Day weekend just in time for Lydia to get ready for her first day at South Park middle school.

Earlier today, the Deetzes held a goodbye party at their house for their neighbors and friends along with Beetlejuice crashing into the party in disguise as Betty Juice. For Lydia, saying goodbye to Bertha and Prudence was the hardest thing for her as they were the only friends that she ever had at her old school and she’ll definitely miss them most of all when she leaves Peaceful Pines tomorrow. Lydia’s last words to them was to keep on being themselves, be positive, and to stand tall and brave whenever Claire Brewster bullies them.

It was now night time, and just as Lydia was getting ready for bed, Beetlejuice pops up onto the screen of her cellphone.

Beetlejuice: Psst, Babes!

Lydia picks up her phone.

Lydia: Hi, Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice: Is the coast clear for me to pop up?

Lydia: All clear, but promise me on not being here for too long as I need to have my last peaceful sleep here before I hit the road tomorrow morning.

Beetlejuice: *raises his right hand* I swear across on my mother’s heart. Now, say those B words and let’s chit chat.

Lydia: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice pops up from the cellphone screen and floats around in the bedroom.

Beetlejuice: So, Lyds, are you at all nervous on living in a new town?

Lydia: The only thing that I’m nervous about is if I’ll ever make new friends at my new school.

Beetlejuice: Don’t sweat it, Babes. I’m sure that you can at least make a friend or two. And even if you don’t at all, you still got me and my lovable armpits!

His stinky armpits hits Lydia’s nose.

Lydia disgusted: Ugh! Thanks for the reminder.

Beetlejuice: *chuckles a bit* People remembering my smelly armpits, you know I love it. *does a couple armpit noise*

Lydia: Anyway, if I ever make a new friend, then I can’t wait to show off that friend my collection of my horror films, photo works, and my studies on bugs.

Beetlejuice: Just don’t show off the bugs that I plan on eating.

Lydia: Whatever. And maybe we can even take a trail walk around the natural wonders that South Park has to offer. I’ve always wanted to see a wild elk since I heard they have a large elk population in Colorado, and there’s never any wild sightings of them around here.

Beetlejuice: *laughs* I wonder why? *smells at himself*

Lydia: Is there anything that you’re excited to see at South Park, Beetlejuice?

Beetlejuice: Nah, but I am excited to offer them by saying this quote to sum it up…*impersonate Jack Nicholson*… Wait until they get a load of me.

Lydia: *laughs* Oh I bet they’ll never see you coming by a mile. *yawns* It’s getting late. I better head to bed. And Beetlejuice, remember what I told you while I’m on the road.

Beetlejuice: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. I promise not to check up on you until you’re finally settled into your new home. You have my words.

Lydia: Thanks, BJ.

Beetlejuice: Besides, I’m over due to play a new prank on the Monster across the street and his pet mutt. Maybe I’ll get them to reenact that bear scene from The Revenant.

Lydia: Just as long as you keep yourself busy until I say your name three times, okay?

Beetlejuice: Will do. See ya!

Lydia: You too.

As Beetlejuice disappears back to the Netherworld, Lydia lays into her bed.

Lydia: *sighs* I hope I’ll make a friend with someone that loves to have fun with life just as much as me. Or even maybe find someone that’ll love me for the way that I am.

She closes her eyes to get as much sleep as she can before a new chapter into her life can begin.

In the next chapter, Stan hangs out with his friends, and Lydia moves into her new home.

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crunchyspicysalmon · 5 years

Conversation

Signs as Animal Crossing characters according to their birthdays

Aries: Axel; Baabara; Beau; Biff*; Billy; Buck; Candi; Cashmere; Celia; Charlise; Elise; Fauna; Felicity; Hector; Hopper; Klaus; Lolly; Louie; Maelle; Melba; Paula; Pietro; Piper; Porter; Punchy; Rasher; Resetti; Rhoda; Rocket; Shari; Skye; Stella; Tammi; Vesta; Woolio

Taurus: Agnes; Angus; Ava; Bertha; Bessie; Biff*; Biskit; Booker; Bunnie; Canberra; Cherry; Clyde; Coach; Curlos; Deirdre; Don Resetti; Ellie; Gayle; Katt; Kevin; Leonardo; Mint; Miranda; Olaf; Oxford; Ozzie; Paolo; Patty; Pekoe; Phoebe; Stu; T-Bone; Tank

Gemini: Alfonso; Bettina; Bruce; Camofrog; Champ; Colton; Cookie; Del; Deli; Derwin; Filbert; Gulliver; Hamlet; June; Keaton; Lucy; Mabel; Maple; Marcie; Peanut; Peggy; Pippy; Pudge; Purrl; Raddle; Renee; Roscoe; Sally; Scoot; Spike; Sydney; Tangy; Timmy and Tommy; Tom Nook; Walker; Zell

Cancer: Agent S; Apollo; Blaire; Bluebear; Bree; Broccolo; Caroline; Chow*; Copper; Croque; Curt; Deena; Dizzy; Drake; Frank; Frita; Huck; Jacques; Jay; Jeremiah; Kapp'n; Kidd; Marcy; Marina; Mira; Mott; Nibbles; Olive; Pascal; Prince; Samson; Static; Tammy; Twiggy; Victoria; Weber; Yuka

Leo: Alice; Benjamin; Bones; Boots; Bud; Chester; Chow*; Cole; Curly; Elvis; Erik; Gigi; Gloria; Grizzly; Julia; Ketchup; Kid Cat; Leopold; Lionel; Lopez; Merry; Nate; O'Hare*; Peck; Poppy; Rex; Rocco; Rod; Rolf; Rory; Soleil; Stinky; Tabby; Tad; Truffles; Tybalt; Vladmimir; Wart Jr.; Wendy

Virgo: Ankha; Astrid; Bangle; Boone; Bubbles; Cally; Celeste; Cesar; Chrissy; Ed; Flo; Fuchsia; Greta; Gruff; Hambo; Hazel; Henry; K.K. Slider; Meow; Moose; Nan; Nana; O'Hare*; Octavian; Pecan; Peewee; Pinky; Ricky; Rowan; Spork; Tipper; Tucker; Tutu; Violet; Whitney

Libra: Al; Antonio; Apple; Bea; Beardo; Benedict; Big Top; Bitty; Blathers; Boyd; Brewster; Chops; Clay; Cobb; Cranston; Diva; Drift; Egbert; Elmer; Franklin; Friga; Gonzo; Goose; Hippeux; Kiki; Kitt; Kody; Limberg; Lyman; Marshal; Mitzi; Monique; Plucky; Redd; Rio; Sandy; Teddy; Tex

Scorpio: Alli; Amelia; Bam; Boris; Broffina; Butch; Claudia; Daisy; Eugene; Flip; Gaston; Gracie; Groucho; Iggly; Jack; Jambette; Katrina; Labelle; Lobo; Lucky; Mac; Mallary; Mathilda; Pancetti; Pango; Phyllis; Portia; Queenie; Rodeo; Rodney; Saharah; Sly; Snake; Snooty; Sparro; Tia

Sagittarius: Annalise; Becky; Bianca; Blanche; Buzz; Carrie; Chadder; Chief; Chip; Claude; Cousteau; Eloise; Fang; Freya; Gabi; Hans; Isabelle; Jane; Kabuki; Kicks; Knox; Kyle; Lucha; Monty; Peaches; Phil; Robin; Rooney; Ruby; Rudy; Sable; Shep; Sterling; Tasha; Tom; Willow; Wolf Link; Wolfgang

Capricorn: Aisle; Bella; Bob; Carmen; Diana; Dr. Shrunk; Etoile; Gladys; Goldie; Harry; Hugh; Iggy; Jingle; Joan; Joey; Ken; Maddie; Marcel; Moe; Murphy; Papi; Pashmina; Pierce; Poncho; Puddles; Quilson; Rizzo; Roald; Simon; Sven; Tortimer; Tiffany; Ursala; Velma; Vic

Aquarius: Admiral; Anabelle; Annalisa; Aurora; Bill; Blanca; Boomer; Chelsea; Cleo; Cube; Dobie; Dora; Drago; Flora; Flurry; Francine; Freckles; Frobert; Genji; Gwen; Harriet; Jitters; Kitty; Lily; Margie; Muffy; Nosegay; Olivia; Opal; Penelope; Pompom; Rhonda; Ribbot; Rover; Savannah; Stitches; Vivian*; Winnie; Zoe

Pisces: Ace; Anchovy; Anicotti; Avery; Barold; Bob; Bon Bon; Chai; Cheri; Chevre; Coco; Cyrano; Doc; Dotty; Gala; Hamphrey; Hopkins; Hornsby; Julian; Merengue; Midge; Molly; Naomi; Pate; Pelly; Pete; Puck; Rosie; Sheldon; Sprinkle; Sprocket; Wendell; Wisp; Zipper T. Bunny; Vivian*

*Biff was originally a Taurus, but was changed to Aries after ACNL

*Chow was originally a Leo, but was changed to Cancer after ACNL

*O'Hare was originally a Virgo, but was changed to Leo after ACNL

*Vivian was originally a Pisces, but was changed to Aquarius after ACNL

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jimhenson-themuppetmaster · 5 years

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The Muppet Movie

RAINBOW CONNECTION FINALE

Muppet Characters (in alphabetical order)

Afghan Hound, Alice Otter, Animal, Anything Muppets, Babies (x4), Baby Koozebanian Creatures (x4), Baskerville the Hound, Beaker, Beauregard, Beautiful Day Monster, Beaver, Behemoth, Bert, Bertha, Biff, Big Bird, Billy the Bear, Blue AM Kid, Blue Frackle, Brad, Brewster, Brown Bat, Bruce Monster, Bubba, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Camilla the Chicken, Catgut, Charlie Muskrat, Chick, Chickens (x7), Chuck Stoat, Cookie Monster, Count von Count, Cousin Monster, Crazy Harry, Cow, Crocodile (x5), Dimples the Dog, Doc Bullfrog, Dogs, Doglion, Dr. Teeth, Droop, Emmet Otter, Eric the Parrot, Ernie, Farley, Female Koozebanian Creature, Fleet Scribbler, Fletcher Bird, Floyd Pepper, Forcryingoutloud Bird, Fozzie Bear, Frank, Fred Lizard, Fred the Wonder Horse, Frogs (x6), George Rabbit, George the Janitor, Georgie, The Gills Brothers, Gladys, Gladys the Cow, Gonzo, Gorgon Heap, Gramps, Gretchen Fox, Green Frackle, Grover, Guy Smiley, Harold, Harrison Fox, Harry Monster, Harvey Beaver, Harvey Monster, Herbert Birdsfoot, Herbie the One-Octopus Band, Herry Monster, Hetty Muskrat, Hilda, Howard Snake, James Badger, Janice, Jerry, Jim, Jim Frawley Muppet, J. P. Grosse, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Kangaroo, Kermit the Frog, King Ploobis, 2 Lautrec Sisters, Lenny the Lizard, Lew Zealand, Link Hogthrob, Little Bird, Lobsters (x4), Louis Kazagger, Lou, Lubbock Lou, Luncheon Counter Monster, Mahna Mahna, Male Koozebanian Creature, Mary Louise, Marvin Suggs, Maurice Monster, Mean Mama, Melissa Rabbit, Mildred Huxtetter, Miss Kitty, Miss Mousey, Miss Piggy, Mr. Johnson, Mutt, Muppy, The Newsman, Nigel, Ohboy Bird, Ohreally Bird, Old Lady Possum, Oscar the Grouch, Paul Revere, Prairie Dawn, Pumpkin AM Man, Queen Peuta, Quongo, Righton Bird, Robin the Frog, Ronald Duck, Roosevelt Franklin, Roosevelt Franklin's Mother, Rowlf the Dog, Sam the Eagle, Scooter, Screaming Thing, Scred, Shakey Sanchez, Sheep, Sherlock Hemlock, Shirley and Nat Muskrat, Slim Wilson, Snake Frackle, The Snowths (x2), Sopwith the Camel, Squirrels, Stanley Weasel, Statler and Waldorf, Sully, The Swedish Chef, Swinetrek Crewpigs, Tessie Twiddlebug, Thog, Thomas Twiddlebug, Timmy Monster, Two-Headed Monster, Uncle Deadly, Vazh, Wanda, Wayne, Wendell Porcupine, Whaddayasay Bird, Whatnots, Will Possum, Winky Pinkerton, Wisss, Yancy Woodchuck, Youknow Bird, Zeke, Zelda Rose, & Zoot

#jim henson #the muppets #the muppet movie #best image #the rainbow connection #the art of the muppets #information #A1 #finale #art of the muppets #favorite #tmm #cover photo

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mordellestories · 5 years

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The Haunted Couch

A Beetlejuice AU fanfic. Rated M.

Part 1

"Marriage is bullshit," Lydia muttered bitterly while weaving her way through all the junk that was leftover from an estate sale.

"It doesn't have to be," Bertha chimed in with optimism. Her smile fell. "Divorce is definitely bullshit."

"No," Lydia argued, "divorce is more like hippo-shit."

Bertha barked out a laugh as she checked out a crooked standing lamp. "What?"

Lydia picked up a rusty hose nozzle from the pile of odd trinkets on a table. "Ever see a hippo take a crap?" She nodded sagely. "Sprays shit everywhere. Like throwing a pile of shit at a fan on high." She waved her hands wildly and then pointed the nozzle at her best friend. "It's only aim is to soil everything in the vicinity."

"Shit." Bertha frowned with concern.

"Hippo-shit." Lydia agreed.

Lydia had become so bitter and rightly so, but she hoped this day out shopping for her new apartment would lift her spirits. Lydia should have known better. If her husband - no, ex-husband - Vincent had not ruined the best years of her life, she wouldn't be in the position she was now; divorced, broke, and living in a moldy apartment that she was pretty sure was being illegally rented out to her.

"I think you need a hobby," Bertha advised. "Oh! Maybe get back into photography!" She held up an old film camera and waved it excitedly in Lydia's direction. Her friend scowled the instant she laid eyes on it. "I know you blame him for quitting your dreams, but you used to love it! And it's never too late to start over or change careers."

Lydia turned away from the offending thing in Bertha's hands. "Change what career? I have no career. Threw my career in the toilet for that," she growled and picked up a samurai sword, "cheating, sack of human garbage!"

Bertha sighed but kept the camera on-hand. "Put the weapon down, and let's just try to find something for your place."

"I should never have signed that prenup," Lydia grumbled as she checked the sword’s sharpness. It was dull. As dull as her pathetic new life was turning out to be.

At least Lydia would leave this place with something, well, she hoped. There was so much stuff laid out everywhere, and she was surprised that the site wasn't overrun with people. The owner of all the junk had been standing on the street corner with a bullhorn, sounding like a bad infomercial. He got a lot of attention, but not the kind he wanted. Lydia thought it was funny, and she was looking to furnish her place. Most things were priced reasonably, but she couldn't afford much. What Lydia really needed was furniture. She'd been eating her meals on the floor for two weeks. The little money that her considerate husband had given her would run out soon if she didn't find a job, and she was still unwilling to take up her father's offer of financial help.

Financial help being taking up the job that Delia had offered her to be her personal assistant. Lydia would stoop to survive on locusts before she'd ever work for that woman.

After claiming the dining set and kitchen supplies, Bertha and Lydia made their way to the guy in charge.

When Lydia saw Bertha taking out her wallet, she stopped her. "I'm not letting you pay for my stuff."

"I'm not gonna," Bertha defended. "I'm buying this." She placed the camera on the table next to the cash box.

"That was the top of the line back in the day," the man behind the table said. "Took good care of it too, it's like new. Eighty bucks and you can walk outta here with a vintage that-- "

Lydia raised a suspicious eyebrow at her friend. "Am I to believe you have a sudden interest in photography?"

"It's a gift." Bertha cleared her throat. "For a friend."

"No, Bertha."

"Yes."

"No. Even at that price, it's too expensive." She turned to the man. "Yeah, she's not getting that."

"Ahem, eighty dollars is not expensive for something like this," Bertha said then turned to the man as well. "Right?"

The guy scowled. "I can let it go for sixty. It's been a slow day."

"See?" Bertha beamed at her friend. "I'll take it!"

Lydia blushed with embarrassment and turned away while Bertha chatted up the dude. She continued scanning the lawn as she eavesdropped and noticed a For Sale sign on the lawn, the picture of a realtor with the fakest smile Lydia had ever seen plastered on her face. Jane Butterfield, Lydia read as the man introduced himself. The man's name was Barry Menot, and he needed to sell everything, including the house, because of a divorce.

Lydia whirled around. "Did you cheat, or did she?

"Lydia!" Bertha's mouth hung open in shock.

"Um," Barry scratched the back of his head nervously and sent his gaze sideways, "I guess you could say she did?" He chuckled mirthlessly and started to sweat.

Lydia narrowed her eyes and looked to where his gaze had landed. All she saw was a striped vintage looking couch. The stripes were black and white with engraved wood trimming painted black. It was beautiful and very much Lydia's style. Well, her old style. Dark and strange. Goth-like. How she used to be before her prince, Vince, robbed her of that too. The sofa was way too pretty to be cheap.

Lydia asked, anyway. "How much for the sofa?"

Barry choked on air and stared at her with wide, scared eyes. "Y-you mean, the black and white futon?"

Futon? "Uh, no, that nice victorian-looking one," she pointed.

Barry did an exaggerated double-take and sputtered. "Oh!" He paled visibly. "Yeah, that one. Um, name your price!" He laughed, sounding a bit deranged.

Lydia considered him a moment longer. Obviously, there was something wrong with the couch. "Nevermind, I don't have any more room in the budget."

"Okay, then just take it!" Barry exclaimed a bit too loud. "Free."

Bertha elbowed her friend. "Gosh, mister! That's awfully nice of you--"

"Yeah, that's nice, but I'm not looking to date." Lydia turned around and made to leave, but Barry grabbed her arm. She sent him a glare of death, and he let go at once as if burned.

"Sorry! I just - I mean - no, that's no - um, look, me either. I just got divorced!" He let out another crazed laugh. "That couch ruined my marriage!"

"What? How--"

"No, no. I meant - I mean - it holds a lot of bad memories for me. I was gonna junk it if no one took it." Barry's eyes widened pleadingly.

Bertha looked between the two and decided to jump in. "Okay, we'll take it! Right, Lydia?" She elbowed her again.

"Sure," Lydia relented dubiously.

The haul was fruitful, in Lydia's opinion. She now had an oak dining room set, essential kitchenware, a simple black nightstand from IKEA, a standing lamp... and the odd but beautiful sofa. Lydia, Bertha, and her other friend, Prudence, stood next to each other and stared at the couch while Adam, Lydia's godfather, pushed it against the wall in the living room.

"You sure there's nothing wrong with it?" Lydia asked. "No rats, or termites, or anything?"

"Positive, sweetie," Adam replied as he patted the couch and then gave it a good shake. "Solid wood. Definitely an antique but well cared for. It's a great find!"

"See?" Said Bertha. "Not all men are evil, bastards."

Adam widened his eyes. "Well, I would hope not."

Lydia rolled her eyes and smirked. "Adam, you're the only good man in this world, and Barbara is lucky to have you."

"Nah," he waved away her comment. "I'm lucky to have her!"

The man was just too sweet. Lydia smiled. "Thanks for helping me out, Adam."

Her godfather gave her a hug. "Anytime. Come by for dinner tomorrow, okay? You live a lot closer now, and we've really missed you, kiddo!"

Lydia felt awful suddenly. "Yeah, yeah. Of course. I'm pretty settled already. I miss Barbara's cooking." She hadn't visited her godparents in over two years. Her husband didn't like traveling out to the sticks.

Engaged at nineteen years old. Married ten years. Ten years! And, now she'd be thirty by the time her divorce went through. Sad, sad... sad.

Lydia watched her friends, and her godfather drive off as she waved from her front door.

Why couldn't Lydia have found a man like Adam instead of a rich, mama's boy, who suddenly decided he identified as polyamorous after he was caught with his dick in Claire Brewster's preppy, bald cunt. Because he was tall, dark, and handsome, and filthy rich, Lydia chided herself internally. And I was stupid.

She sighed and entered her lonely, almost bare apartment. A little mewl called out to her from her bedroom. At least she wasn't entirely alone. Lydia opened her bedroom door, and a lanky black cat rubbed against her leg before heading to his bowl of food.

"At least we got each other, right, Percy?"

Meow.

Even though Adam was the perfect husband, he was perfect for Barbara. Make no mistake, Lydia loved her godfather, but he was just so, so, so boring. Lydia had always wanted to live a unique and adventurous life. Vince had provided that because he had the money to keep her on her toes. They traveled the world together, rubbing elbows with many of her idols. He had catered to her every whim. At first.

Money was not a big deal for Lydia. She would have been happy working at something she enjoyed doing like photography or designing clothes, heck, even work at a nice gallery. Vince had enticed her to a life of gallivanting around the globe instead. That was okay because she was in love. She was an idiot. That life lasted about five years, and then they settled down right next door to her horrible mother-in-law. They tried to have kids, but it just didn't pan out. At around the seven-year-itch, Vince's mummy dearest started pressuring Lydia into trying fertility treatments, but Lydia put her foot down. She decided that adoption would be good enough for her, but Vince's mother was disgusted with that idea. Of course, Vince took mommy's side. Things went downhill from there.

Lydia knew she should have left Vince sooner, but at the time, she just couldn't find a good enough reason to leave him. It seemed selfish to leave her husband because she was unhappy. They tried couples therapy, but nothing changed. She saw less and less of her husband as the days went by. They were both aimless and just barely tolerating each other. The final straw was the cheating. Lydia knew Vince was screwing around for years, but she couldn't prove it. Like all affairs tend to be unveiled, it happened by accident. The moron had left his iPad laying around, and Lydia saw the text messages.

The divorcee made herself a cup of tea and sat at her new dining table. "I guess ramen for dinner again, huh, Percy?"

Meow.

Lydia sipped her tea and looked out of her curtainless window. It was already dark, even though it was only six-thirty. The clouds parted, and Lydia gasped at the full moon that was revealed to her. It cast an eerie light into the room, and very suddenly, Lydia felt as if she was no longer alone.

Not like she felt happy, content, or at peace, or anything like that. No, no. She literally felt like there was someone else in the apartment - watching her.

She shuddered. Slowly, Lydia turned in her seat towards her living room, fully expecting someone to be there. There was no one, but the feeling of being watched remained. Swallowing down her tea hard, Lydia stood and wandered to the area. The light of the moon blanketed the striped sofa. For a long moment, Lydia's imagination ran wild because the ridiculous thought that the couch was leering at her entered her mind.

Quickly, Lydia flicked the switch on the wall, and the light turned on. She scoffed and shook her head at the sofa — what a weird thing to think. Couches can't leer. She laughed softly, turned off the light, and headed to her bedroom. Before she closed the door to her bathroom within, Lydia thought she heard someone snicker.

Must have been Percy.

The couch was haunted.

It was the only explanation.

Lydia was just about going bonkers at the amount of weird shit going on, and she had tried to rationalize it away with every sane, logical, and sensible explanation she could come up with.

The first week since the sofa was placed in her home, Lydia continued to feel the odd sensation of being watched whenever she was near it. It was so unsettling that Lydia avoided sitting on the damned piece of furniture even when she finally got a TV. It was ridiculous, and Lydia knew this, but even Percy was avoiding the living room entirely. Sometimes that cat would just sit on the dining room table and stare at the sofa, ears flattened, tail a bit puffy and twitching, and pupils blown wide.

Lydia had finally landed a temporary job at a Spirit Halloween store that still had Toys R Us decals and ads on the walls. She started working right away. She was getting home late because she had no car and had to bike six miles back home. Not a long ways away, but Lydia was out of shape, even though she was still a twig, and had to stop often to catch her breath and rest her screaming legs.

So, on day six of her trudging through the first week of employment, all Lydia wanted in the whole wide world was to shower, eat her burrito bowl, and vegetate in front of the TV to watch The Haunting of Hill House on her stolen Netflix account - and-just-fucking-unwind.

Lydia had entered her apartment with purpose. She was going to sit on that damned sofa and get over her paranoia. It was just a couch for Pete's sake! With narrowed eyes and steeled nerves, Lydia slammed the door behind her and looked pointedly at the ominous piece of furniture. She could swear it was staring back. The minutes ticked away during the childish Mexican standoff, but Lydia finally hung her bag and keys on the foyer rack, never taking her eyes off the sofa.

"I'm going to shower." She said out loud as if the couch were sentient. "Then I'm going to watch tv."

Only silence ensued, but the air seemed charged with provocation as if the sofa was silently daring her to make good on her promise. The energy in the room was almost suffocating, and Lydia swore she heard the couch groan. Quick as a whip, Lydia switched the light on in the living room, and the overwhelming sensation was gone in a blink as if it had never happened.

Because it didn't, she scolded herself. You're tired, and you've never lived on your own.

Lydia left the light on, regardless of her rationalizing and made straight for her bathroom. She liked her showers piping hot, never settling for a temperature less than what would inevitably leave her looking like a boiled lobster by the end of it. As the steam filled the bathroom, and the hot water hit her skin, Lydia sighed contentedly. This was the highlight of her daily existence now. The shower was a safe space, and Lydia could let her mind wander without becoming too attached to her problems. It was almost meditative, and it was the only place she would allow herself to picture a better life and believe it was possible to attain.

While her thoughts ran amok, she acknowledged her earlier realization; she'd never lived alone before. She'd lived with her parents, then shared a dorm in college, and then moved in with Vince after that. Annoyed with herself for not celebrating that she could now be her own woman and a self-sufficient adult, Lydia wondered what dating app she should try. Hadn't she sworn off men? Should she try dating women? Why couldn't she just shut the door on romantic love and focus on loving herself for once! Regardless of her depreciative musings, she couldn't help visualizing the perfect man.

He didn't have to be handsome - look at where that had gotten her. He didn't have to be rich - it would probably trigger her anyhow. He didn't even have to be that young - maybe a more experienced man would actually be able to get her off once in a while. He just needed to love her, really love her. He needed to contribute to their home. He needed to compliment her flaws and be less like her. She wanted someone with a sense of adventure, who could take charge and - oh - it'd be great if he had a sense of humor! That was more important to her than the occasional good sex requirement. Vince had been such a bore! Her ex could only rely on his money to keep Lydia entertained, and he never got her jokes. True, Lydia had a dark sense of humor, but she could make others laugh with her deadpan wit, except Vince.

The shower dipped below Lydia's standards, and she groaned with disappointment. The loud squeak of the nobs turning while she shut the water off was enough to feel like she crash-landed back to reality. The high-pitched noise was so grating, she shuddered. Before Lydia could spiral thinking about her real problems, like how she was going to pay for her student loans - good God, how am I going to pay for my student loans? The growl from her angry stomach veered her away from imagining herself pole dancing at the Beaver Barn two blocks down.

There were more important things to do than panic over bills and plummeting credit scores, like slipping into the baggiest give-up-on-life pants and an oversized hoodie. Then nuking her leftover burrito bowl and --

Lydia halted at the living room as she towel-dried her hair. She looked around, feeling something was off. Off...

The light was off.

Lydia had positively left the light on. Or did she? Exhaustion won over trepidation as she made her way to the couch. Standing before it, towel in one hand and a plate of food in the other, Lydia sighed and shook her head.

"Stupid."

She plopped down on the sofa and paused to see if it would swallow her whole and send her into another dimension. She bounced the cushion for good measure. Damn, this couch is comfy! Then she shrugged, crossed her legs, and hit the power button on the tv remote. Lydia let out a snicker as she powered up the Apple TV that she'd stolen from her previous life and excitedly hit the play button on episode two of her new favorite show.

A loud yowl nearly sent Lydia into cardiac arrest, and she snapped her gaze to the dining area. Percy was sitting at the junction between the cheap linoleum of the dining room and the living room carpet.

"Percy!" She scolded and chuckled with relief. "You scared me. Come," she patted the seat next to her, wiggled her fingers, and made kissy noises, but Percy would not budge.

HISSSS!

Lydia flinched at Percy's new noise. She'd never heard him hiss before. His tailed puffed and twitched, and he looked pretty pissed.

"Fine." As odd as that had been, she was too engrossed with what was happening on screen.

Burrito bowl thoroughly scarfed, eyelids heavy, and body slouching forward, Lydia willed herself to stay awake to finish episode four--

She passed out.

With a loud gasp, Lydia shot to sitting and looked around wildly while she panted. What happened? Where was she? Her eyes landed on the TV, the annoying "are you still watching" message on the screen. What-- oh. She was in the living room. On the sofa. She must have fallen asleep on the sofa. Why is it so hot?

Despite the chill in the air, Lydia was sweating, her heart was racing, and her panties were--

It was then she realized she'd been having the most erotic dream ever, and yet she couldn't remember anything about it. The only thing she knew was that her orgasm was incredibly intense, stronger than any other she'd ever experienced, which really wasn't saying much in her case.

Lydia laughed out loud - she had a wet dream. There was still a satisfying little ache between her legs. She squirmed a bit, stretched, and languidly made her way to her bed. Whatever the dream was about, she hoped she'd have another one before morning.

What sounded like snickering echoed in the hall before she closed her door. Maybe it's rats.

It was not rats.

The incident could have been overlooked. After all, it was not like anything out of the ordinary had happened. Lydia had fallen asleep on the couch and had a sexy dream. What's strange about that? Nothing. Except that two days later, Lydia had fallen asleep on the couch again only to experience the same thing. The only difference from the first time was that Lydia remembered one detail from her dream; black and white stripes. That made sense, didn't it? The couch was striped. She'd conked out on said couch.

But things got weirder.

The living room light kept going out, and on one odd occasion, it turned on all by itself. Obviously, her shitty apartment had electrical issues. The Haunting of Hill House would come on during the night, waking Lydia. Perhaps she left the tv on, and Percy sat on the remote. Yeah, that's it. And was that moss that had grown on one of the armrests? Odd. Maybe Lydia dragged it in when she used the shortcut through the old, foresty cemetery. She'd seen moss on the trunks, certainly. Yeah. The couch would groan at the oddest moments, like when Lydia would give into her guilty pleasure of watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Or, when Lydia decided not to watch tv and head straight for bed. Or when Lydia finally made her profile on Bumble. Then there was the time the sofa pinched her ass. Or, rather, Lydia sat on something pinchy. That had to be it, but she couldn't find the culprit for the life of her.

Look, it's not like Lydia was completely oblivious. She'd watched enough horror films to know that her place was haunted, or, more specifically, the couch was possessed. She wasn't an idiot. But there's always that inner skeptic that pushes obvious signs aside or squashes any thoughts of the supernatural down into "the nope vault." Everyone does it, even the ones who want to believe - and Lydia wanted to believe once upon a time. Now she was pretty sure she had a horny poltergeist sleazing around in the upholstery of her beautiful sofa, and she wasn't sure she wanted to believe any longer. So, her brain did its damndest to ignore the strange and unusual happenings that had become a daily occurrence.

But after seven thunderously climactic occurrences on that godsend of a sofa, it could no longer be ignored. Lydia remembered more details of her dreams each time. There was wiry, white-blond hair, blue eyes, pale hands, and stripes. Lydia was sure it was the same man in the dreams, but she could only hold on to glimpses and never remember the face.

Although the orgasms were terrific and very much appreciated - truly grateful, she was - the dreams were getting downright creepy. In fact, she wasn't so sure they were dreams anymore. More like nightmares. Or worse, real.

Bah! Psh. Nah... Well... only one way to find out.

Lydia's place was mostly decorated, even if all the furniture was mismatched, so she wasn't too embarrassed to have her friends over for dinner and wine. Bertha and Prudence were a bit tentative and awkward at first, which made Lydia feel nervous. She'd been awful at keeping in touch with them after college, but when they started meeting up towards the end of her marriage, things seemed to go back to how they used to be after some alcohol and time. Hence, the wine was already served before they even knocked on the door.

Mostly they just caught each other up with happenings since the last time they saw each other. As the wine dwindled, so did the nerves, and they were back to their old selves. Lydia sighed with relief when Bertha let out some incredibly crass things to say over dinner. They nearly choked on their food as they laughed. It was turning out to be such a great night, and Lydia wondered why she hadn't done this sooner.

Right. The haunted couch.

There was only a smidge of guilt as Lydia ushered the women to the living room after dinner.

"You girls get comfy, I'll get the cheesecake!" Lydia dashed the fridge and removed the desert. Then she quickly stood at the edge of the dining room and watched her friends take their seats.

Both Prudence and Bertha sat on the sofa.

Lydia waited.

"Lyds?" Prudence called. "Everything all right?"

They were staring at her with concern. "Yep," she smiled and walked to the green armchair she had gotten at GoodWill. "I'm just really happy we've reconnected. I know I haven't really..." she trailed off and placed the cheesecake, paper plates, and plastic forks on the coffee table.

"Life happens, girl," Bertha consoled. "Pru and I weren't much better at reaching out."

"Yeah," Prudence lamented, "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Lydia nodded and pursed her lips.

"Okay!" Bertha exclaimed and rubbed her hands together. "Now that we've got that awkward business outta the way, let's dig in! I fucking love cheesecake." She served herself and took a bite before anyone else could. "Mmm!" She let out the most obscene moan.

Lydia snapped her head up with wide eyes, thinking the couch had already put the moves on Bertha.

"Have I ever told ya" Bertha said with her mouthful, "bout the time I smeared cheesecake on a guys dick--"

"Oh, God..." Prudence closed her eyes and prepared.

"-- because he tasted so nasty! It worked. If you ever run into that problem..." She lifted her plate of cake and nodded with a wink.

"Christ," Lydia breathed, but she and Pru giggled hysterically anyway.

The three continued to talk and reminisce. By the time they were on the third bottle of wine, Lydia had forgotten all about her other goal of the night.

Until...

"Fuckn'-A!" Bertha tugged on her blouse, trying to air it out. "It's so hot. It's hot, right?"

Prudence shrugged, but Lydia immediately grew suspicious.

"Maybe it's the wine," Prudence offered. "I'm feeling a bit h-warm, but it's nice," she all but slurred.

"Yeah, right. The wine," Lydia agreed. That made sense, but she narrowed her eyes at Bertha, who shifted in her seat and furrowed her brow. "You okay? I can lower the AC."

Lydia didn't wait for Bertha to respond. She got up and lowered the temperature even though the thermostat read sixty-one degrees. Lydia could feel the wine, but she wasn't sweating. Bertha was dripping sweat, and Prudence was shiny and flushed.

"Hmm," Bertha hummed and stared into her glass of wine with a quirk of her brow and a frown. "Y'all ever get horny after drinking wine?"

Prudence snorted and then giggled like a virgin.

Lydia nodded and realized her mistake in the choice of alcohol. Drinks usually left her feeling a slight sense of arousal too, and wine was most effective to induce that sensation. Damn it, Lydia thought. Now she would never know it was the sofa--

"Wow," Bertha's eyes fluttered, "I've, um, I know I bought this before..." she closed her eyes. "Never, uh, never... felt so... oh shiiiiit..."

It was then that Lydia heard a mousy, hiccup-like laugh, and when she set her eyes on Prudence, she found the ginger was scarlet, blotches of red on her face, neck, and ears. And she looked terribly embarrassed.

It was definitely the sofa.

Lydia's eyes bugged out as she switched her gaze between the women. Lydia was momentarily horrified with herself. She'd subjected her friends to molestation via a lecherous couch. They seemed happy, though, and suddenly Lydia was feeling something else.

Anger.

So, the sofa was not monogamous, huh? Just like her fucking ex-husband. How dare the couch-bastard feel up her friends! Right in front of her no less!

"Off." Lydia blurted out with a frown.

The women looked up at her and froze with guilty faces.

Bertha cleared her throat. "Um, what?" Her pitch was higher than usual.

"Off. The. Couch," Lydia pronounced.

Prudence rocketed off the sofa and adjusted her clothes, pinching her jeans at the thighs and pulling them down a bit. "You know, um, it's getting late," Prudence squeaked.

"Yeah, it is," Lydia agreed with a sneer.

"I'm too drunk to drive," Bertha whined and squirmed in her seat again.

Lydia held up her phone. "Lyft ordered. Two minutes."

"Lydiaaaa," Bertha pleaded, "can't I just stay here and sleep on the sofa?"

"NO!" Lydia shot out of her chair and snatched Bertha's glass out of her hands. "It's not the wine that's messing with you," she confessed. "It's the couch."

Her guests looked at each other and then back to their host with furrowed brows. Oh, well, now she put her foot in it. What the hell was she going to say? That the sofa was possessed by a predatory phantom Don Juan, and that she was jealous?

JEALOUS?!

"I just realized I cleaned it with some strong stuff, and we've been inhaling the fumes this whole time!" The lie came easily, half sober.

"Oh, my!" Prudence declared and stumbled away from the furniture.

Bertha looked slightly concerned but didn't budge, so Lydia continued. "My grandmother almost died mopping her floor from cleaning chemicals, Bertha! Who knows what it's doing to your brain cells?!"

"Bertha, get off the couch!" Prudence shrieked.

Finally, Bertha sighed and pushed herself up on unsteady legs. "Fine," she pouted and collected her things.

Prudence was scurrying around and opening all the windows in the apartment when the notification came that their ride was outside. Lydia ushered them out the door as quickly as possible and assured them she'd be alright, promising to turn on all the fans and air out the place. She waved at them as they rode off, a forced smile plastered on her face until the car disappeared.

Once her friends were out of sight, Lydia about-faced and stormed into her apartment, slamming the front door.

With a face that screamed murder, Lydia jutted an angry finger at the sofa and seethed.

"You motherfucker," she groused.

She ran to the couch, picked up a decorative pillow, and began whacking it with enough force to send a dust and lint cloud into the air around her.

Lydia yelled in between hits. "Dead...," WHACK, "or alive," WHACK, "you're all," WHACK, "the same!" WHACK. "I'll gut...," WHACK, "your stuffings out!"

WHACK-WHACK-WACK

Lydia's fury was volcanic. She hadn't even been that angry with Vince, and from an outsider's perspective, a woman beating the shit out of a couch because she thought it was cheating on her was outrageously ludicrous. It was that notion that made Lydia stumble backward and away from the abused furniture only to start laughing in a hysterical fit.

"Oh, I'm losing my goddamn mind!" She continued laughing and wiping away her tears. "Jesus Christ, Lydia, get a grip. It's just... a couch."

The memory of its previous owner came to her in a sudden flash. Barry had said the couch had ruined his marriage. She panted and stared at the womanizing sofa for a long moment and came to a decision.

Lydia needed to find Barry.

To Be Continued...

--------------------

AN: Thank you for reading! I’d love to know what you think of this so far!

I hope to finish this story soon and post the whole thing as a oneshot on Ao3 and FF. You can subscribe to me on either site to get the update of when it’s posted (search for mordelle) or just keep a look out here on tumblr!

Please like, comment, send asks, or reblog if you enjoyed this! It always makes my day.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

#Beetlejuice #Beetlejuice cartoon #beetlejuice movie #lydia deetz #adult lydia deetz #adult!lydia #adultlydia #adultbeetlebabes #beetlelyds #Beetlejuice/Lydia #Beetlejuice au #The Haunted Couch #mordellestories

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