#resident haley

[haley-mtstar]

[noonewouldlisten25]

I hate scary things//being scared. And yet here comes this asshole with the NERVE to be THIS PRETTY. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU???

[genuflecting]

i know I'm doing something right on this big blue marble when several people send or tag me in naked leon mods in one day

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Spouses worried because the farmer didn’t come home last night. (Thinking they passed out in skull cavern/mines and nobody found them)

Sure thing. Enjoy, dear anon 😊💕

_________________________________________

Poor Penny, crying quietly, will ask all the residents if they have seen the Farmer. Eventually will walk into the Clinic where her spouse will be sitting bandaged. She will immediately cry louder and hug them. Penny almost goes crazy!

Sebastian will take his handmade obsidian dagger with him and go to the Mines to look for his spouse. But ends up finding Farmer right outside the entrance to the Mines, where they're sleeping. Phew, at least they're okay. The dagger won't be needed.

"AAAAAAAA!" So, with a battle cry, Abigail grabs her sword and goes to rescue the Farmer, since she can't sit still and worry anymore. Scolds them severely when she finds out they overworked themselves and fell asleep outside again, but quickly forgives them.

Yoba, oh Yoba, where is Elliott's dear lover? They haven't returned, though they promised they would. He must do something! Gather people, organize a search. Oh, Farmer! He was so worried about them! Asleep again?! Please, Farmer. A writer's heart may not be able to take this kind of stress....

Shane wanted to simultaneously swear and hug Farmer after they were found unconscious and brought home the next day. He wouldn't be able to stand it if anything happened to Farmer...

Maru knows the necessity of Farmer's dangerous ore mining, but... She can't help but worry about them. And when Farmer returns in the morning, a little battered but alive, the girl thinks of making a robot to mine the ore instead of Farmer.

Naturally, Harvey's heart raced at the fact that Farmer hadn't returned last night. But when they were found, 'super doctor' mode kicked in. First - to cure the spouse, then - to scold them.

Emily is somewhat reassured by the fact that she gave Farmer a charged with good aura amulet and a couple of stones before she left that are supposed to protect them. It's unclear if they work or not, but Farmer, though only by morning, came back in one piece. Phew!!!

Nothing Alex's spouse can't handle. He believes them. But he's ready to snap out of his seat at any second and beat the Farmer off the monsters with his bare hands if necessary. Alex is a little nervous but he believes in them.

Haley tries to think of the good things. Her favorite spouse is a very strong and very brave person. She will wait for them, wait for them to come, for the worried girl to scold them a little and then hug them tightly.

Sam has to go back and forth and find something to do to take his mind off the bad thoughts. The farmer might have stayed a day before, nothing new here. But when they come back, Sam's gonna be all puppy dog-eyed, like, "I was so worried!"

Leah has plenty of tools that can easily be made into weapons, and the brave artist is ready to get her spouse out of Hell. She's a bit worried and anxious, but she'll follow them into the Mines. And she'll get them out of there.

[stardewremixed]

Stardew Valley Employment Headcanons

I've been thinking a lot about how many folks in the Valley don't work. In some ways, it feels realistic. A small town that is clearly dying until the Farmer comes along struggles with unemployment rates. It could be related to high taxes (*side-eyes* I'm looking at you, Lewis) and competitive megacorporations (like Joja) undermining the local economy. However, I'd like to do a little headcanon for the residents and their job situation.

Under spoilers, because TL;DR.

Abigail - after graduating with a degree in art history, Abigail starts working out in her mother's fitness group. She starts swimming at the spa. And she starts a workout regiment with Alex. Of course, this leads her to finally join the Adventure Guild full-time, protecting the Valley and exploring the depths of the mines. She still jams from time to time with Sam and Seb. I also like to think she leads a local Scouts troop.

Alex - this man deserves to have an amazing job as a pro gridball player. However, while he waits, he could coach a local kids team at the Community Center. I can also see him work part-time stocking shelves at Pierre's General Store. Maybe he lifeguards at the Ginger Island Beach during the busy season or drives deliveries out to Sandy in the desert for Pierre. Or he could work with Robin. Mmm... this man, chopping wood... fantasies. He still sells ice cream in the summertime maybe on the weekends or at festival days (because come on, Pierre needs a little competition and I love the idea of pineapple ice cream at the luau and stardrop sorbet at the moonlit jelly fest). I also see him doing odd jobs around the valley until he gets more stable work at Pierre's or Robin's. Need someone to fix your leaky roof? Alex is your man! (Because Evelyn mentions George can't do it anymore).

Elliott - I still like the idea of Elliott's secret wealth and he escaped his family to become a writer. However, maybe he regularly submits poems and sonnets via various contests online under a pseudonym, and does a few freelance articles (maybe on small towns, fishing, romance, etc.). This man deserves to publish a masterpiece and make it on a bestseller list, then gets an agent, and of course, publishes a series. He still does readings in the Valley at the library and the Saloon because he always wants to remember his humble roots and the people who cheered him on when he was a nobody in the business.

Emily - She absolutely needs to start a side-business as the town tailor. It's kind-of already in the lore, but I could see her starting up an online business (maybe with the help of Seb) on an Etsy-esque site. Also, I can see her helping out on the farm for a little something extra when she's not working at the Saloon. Maybe tending to the flowers, watering plants when the Farmer is in the Mines or off on the island or in the desert for the day. She mentions she would like to do this, but Gus apparently frowns on a side job. Hmm... well, I can see this girl eventually leaving her job at the Saloon to pursue her sewing passion full-time. She totally hosts a yoga class in the winter at the Community Center.

Harvey - He is already a well-respected town doctor, but the man is so stressed that he is hardly ever in the Clinic (at least not without mods). I propose Harvey hires some extra help, an associate, maybe another nurse, and a receptionist to assist, especially if patients from surrounding towns (like he mentions) start visiting (i.e. expansions). And he teaches first aid classes at the Community Center.

Haley - Like Leah, she needs an art exhibit to showcase her photography. Unlike the other villagers, I don't see her staying in the Valley, eventually pursuing the work of a freelance photographer and traveling the world (like her absentee parents). She does make an annual trip back for the Flower Dance, her favorite festival. I have pursued Haley the least in game so I'm struggling to come up with more ideas here.

Leah - Speaking of Leah, she transforms the Valley into a premier art destination. She can teach art classes at the renovated Community Center. She teams up with Seb and Sam (and drags Elliott along for the ride, and the writing) to produce an avant-garde film about the art all around us in small towns. I also think she grows her own herbs and sells them at Pierre's, festivals, and the Farmer's Markets (as she gives me green witch vibes). Maybe she partners with Caroline (or the Wizard) to create some herbal potions and creams. And of course, she's still at it with woodworking, though these days she works on commission for those types of projects.

Sam - This man deserves to be a rock star. And I think he'd make a great solo artist. However, if his guitarist dreams don't pan out, he has options. In the vanilla game, he starts working with Gunther at the museum after JojaMart closes. It's a strange choice, but... I figure, maybe he minored in anthropology in college. He would absolutely give amazing tours of the museum, full of exuberant commentary, perfect for kids field trip days too. And I think he plays gigs in Zuzu City and at the Saloon regularly, and maybe even out at Sophia's winery (Stardew Valley Expanded).

Maru - Nursing just doesn't really seem to fit this woman of multiple interests. She finally pursues her passion of robotics and goes to work in a proper lab in a nearby City (doesn't have to be Zuzu - my headcanon is Pine-Mesa City or Grampleton from Stardew Valley Expanded). I think she makes regular trips to the Planetarium too. I could see her visiting the Valley on long weekends, and maybe taking the local kids club on a night-time stargazing event in the summer.

Sebastian - Please give this man a proper window in his basement, Robin! Okay, if he doesn't marry the Farmer, Seb moves out anyway and goes to live in the City for a while, to find investors for his indie game studio. In the meantime, he continues to do freelance programming work. And then, one day, he makes a breakthrough game that revolutionizes the industry. After making A LOT of money, he invests in a SAVE-THE-FROGS campaign, hires multiple developers and other staff, and starts working on his next big game. But he still makes time to jam with Sam and Abi from time to time, and of course, take long rides on his motorcycle.

Penny - This poor woman needs some love. Penny pursues her higher education and officially receives her teaching license. She is hired by the local school district so she can do more than just tutor. She can finally afford her own little apartment. She starts a kids club in the Community Center, and creates a summer reading program at the Stardew Library. And I like to think she takes a monthly trip to Zuzu City to shop in a big bookstore for fresh reading material when she has some down time.

Shane - Oh this guy is definitely a mess. If you don't "romance" him in game, he doesn't really turn his life around, and even if he does, it doesn't really point to recovery as it should, imo (without the help of mods). This man hates his job, and yet he feels stuck. I propose the following. After he recovers in therapy, completes rehab, and genuinely quits drinking (forever), and of course, loses his job at Joja (suck it, Morris!), Shane starts working at Marnie's shop and contracts out as a farmhand all around the Valley. Then he can be a proper godfather to Jas, and provide some actual service at the Ranch (when Marnie's off doing who knows what with you know who...)

I have thoughts for the other Villagers in the Valley too, but I'll save those for a different post.

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Flower Dance

Haley (Stardew) x She/Her Reader

A/N: I liked the idea, but I don’t think I executed it as well as I hoped I would because I got impatient. Still not too bad though I think. I wrote this in November of 2022. Sharing it now because why not. Word Count: 2,383

“Ew, no.”

Haley had regretted the words as soon as she had spit them out like an defensive cobra.

Hurt was written all over the farmer’s face as she recoiled from Haley like she had been burned.

Haley saw the year’s worth of progress she had made getting out of her shell and becoming friends with (Y/n) crumble before her very eyes. She tried to say something, anything, to peddle back from the harsh way she had answered, but (Y/n) recovered first. At least somewhat.

“…Alright then, sorry. A simple no would have sufficed.” She mumbled. “Excuse me.”

Haley reached for her but froze halfway before withdrawing. Her hands fell to her sides in tight fists.

Why did she say that? It was only (Y/n), the sweet farmer who had taken the time to scale Haley’s walls to find her soft and more vulnerable self within.

Daffodils in the spring, ice cream in the summer, sunflowers in fall, pink cake in winter… (Y/n) had been nothing but nice to her even from the beginning when Haley insulted her clothes and earthy scent. Back then the farmer had been able to brush her off, but Haley’s words definitely had a direct impact this time.

She didn’t mean to speak to her like that. She had just been startled that (Y/n) would even think to ask. The thought of dancing with her made Haley’s face burn and her heart thump in her ears. She wasn’t sure if it was excitement or fear that was causing those reactions, but clearly fear had won out when she opened her stupid mouth.

What should she do now?

“Haley,”

Haley turned to find that Alex was walking up to her. She tried to school her expression into something more neutral before he got too close to notice.

“The dance is starting soon. Are we partnering up again this year?”

Haley scanned the field for (Y/n) and bit the inside of her lip when she couldn’t see her. She was the Flower Queen, she was expected to be a part of the ceremonial first dance. As much as she wanted to go look for (Y/n) and apologize, that would have to wait. It would be better to talk to her when her heart stopped pounding anyway.

“Yeah,” Haley nodded, linking Alex’s elbow with hers, “let’s get in position.”

When they did find their places, Haley watched the usual pairs link up. Finally she saw (Y/n) conversing with Robin and Demetrius on the sidelines. Haley remembered last year, wondering why the new farmer hadn’t bothered to come to the dance. At first, she thought she had some kind of sense of superiority over the townsfolk, but it was a traditional town event after all, not a club in Zuzu City. It would probably have been uncomfortable after only being a part of the community for a couple weeks.

Now a year later, (Y/n) had felt comfortable enough to join in on the festivities and Haley had surely made her regret stepping away from her busy farm life with the utterance of those two stupid words.

Good job, idiot.

She continued to watch over Alex’s shoulder as Leah unexpectedly walked up. Leah? Leah usually danced with Elliot. What was she doing sidling up to (Y/n) like that? Haley looked around for the writer, but he was nowhere to be seen. Was he sick or something?

Haley looked back in time to see (Y/n) smile kindly at something Leah had said and felt something burning within her as Leah offered (Y/n) her hand and the farmer took it.

“What’s going on behind me that has you squeezing my shoulders like that?” Alex asked, craning his head back, “It kinda hurts.”

“Nothing.” Haley snapped.

She turned her head away from (Y/n) and Leah, trying to ignore them bonding over being the newest residents of the valley and how Leah’s first Flower Dance went. How Leah taught (Y/n) the steps, something that could have been Haley’s honor not even ten minutes ago.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Alex winced, “Come on Haley, I can feel your nails through my shirt.”

“Sorry.” Haley eased up a bit, but her steely gaze still lingered on the two women butchering the steps while snickering to each other.

Haley was furious. They were making a mockery of the long standing tradition! That was definitely what was pissing her off. Not the fact that she could have just as easily been in Leah’s shoes, helping (Y/n) find her footing and laughing with her instead—

“Too tight again Haley, damn!” Alex hissed, finally twirling Haley around so he could take a look at what was pissing her off so bad that she felt the need to leave him bruised.

“What am I supposed to be seeing here?”

“Just drop it.” Haley nearly growled.

“Ohhhh,” Alex winced upon spotting Leah and (Y/n) spinning together, “I get it. Well, they could just be dancing as friends like us you know. You’re not out of this yet.”

“What are you talking about?” She grumbled.

“(Y/n) and Leah. I figured farm girl would steal my spot this year. I was kinda hoping for it too,” Alex pulled at his collar, “this outfit is always so itchy.”

“Why would I dance with her? That makes no sense.” Haley shot defensively, not loud enough for anyone else to hear, but loud enough to make Emily peer over Shane’s shoulder to try and see what her sister was so grumpy about.

“Uhh, don’t you like her?” Alex asked with uncertainty, “I could have sworn—“

“I do not!” Haley fumed, heart pounding and face flushing once again, “Why would you think that?”

“The last time we were in your dark room. I mean, dude, like, a loooot of your pictures lately have been of (Y/n)…”

“I needed to have a gallery that showcased humans and nature for an online class!” Haley defended, though her cheeks blushed darker, “I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask that weirdo in the mountains if I could follow him around for a couple days. (Y/n) was the obvious choice.”

“I don’t get why you’re so defensive about it. It’s cool if you like her or whatever. You know I don’t care. Emily definitely wouldn’t. I think no one would mind as much as you seem to, or you’re at least in the minority on the subject.”

“I. Do. Not. Like. Her. Like. That.” Haley gritted out.

Alex sighed heavily. Why did Haley always have to be so stubborn? He had an idea, but it was going to be just a little mean…

“Oh whoa, they’re totally making out.”

“What?!”

Haley’s heart dropped as she yanked Alex around so she could look at (Y/n) and Leah again. They weren’t kissing, nor did it look like they had been. They were still clumsily dancing together as they talked.

Haley turned her eyes back on Alex, who dared to wear a smug little smirk on her face that Haley desperately wanted to slap off.

“You do like her, Hales. You haven’t liked anyone in forever! And as your best friend, it’s my job to help you shoot your shot. Come on, let’s dance over and see if we can’t get you to cut in.”

“No, Alex,” Haley pulled him back, a touch of fear in her voice “I, I can’t. Not after what I said. She must think I’m such a bitch.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She already asked me to dance, Alex,” Haley groaned angrily at herself, “and do you know what I said? I said, ‘ew, no’.”

“No.” Alex sucked in air through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, try coming back from that. She’ll never talk to me again.”

“You could tell her you’re sorry. Say you got so nervous you insulted her. That might help.”

“Oh sure.” Haley scoffed.

“It would be better than doing nothing!” Alex whined. “Haley, before (Y/n), I was basically the only person you ever talked to. You really stepped up this year and I’d hate to see you close yourself off again.”

(Y/n) and Leah seemed to have grown tired of dancing and went to join the sidelines once more and Haley looked to the grass at her feet. She wanted to say to hell with it. People come and go all the time, just look at her parents and their never ending trips. However, she couldn’t bring herself to slip away from (Y/n). She didn’t want (Y/n) to slip away from her either.

“What do I do, Alex? She’s not going to want to talk to me after this.”

“We’ll think of something,” Alex promised, giving Haley one last twirl, “We’ll think of something.”

***

“H-hello?” (Y/n) called out as she entered the Secret Woods.

She had received a letter in the mail that morning, urging her to arrive at her earliest convenience. She had half a mind to suspect it was the bear again, although the only thing she had been instructed to bring was herself, not syrup.

As she wandered further into the clearing, she faintly heard music playing and decided to follow it. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Haley flattening a table cloth over a large tree stump. The sting of yesterday was still very fresh in her mind. Surely Haley didn’t send her that letter… she took a step back, but her foot snapped a twig, causing Haley’s head to snap up.

Haley quickly finished what she was doing, hands moving clumsily from nervousness. She dried her sweaty palms on the back of her skirt and then took a deep breath as she approached (Y/n).

“Hey,” Haley said, her smile looking a bit too pained to be sincere. Much like the polite smile (Y/n) was trying to hold.

“Ah, sorry Haley. I didn’t know—“

“I want you here,” Haley spoke quickly, “I wrote the letter.”

“You did? Why?” (Y/n) asked, her body language defensive. After yesterday, she wasn’t too keen on listening to whatever Haley had to say. She didn’t think she knew Haley as well as she thought she did.

“Because I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I- I was totally out of line. I’m really, really sorry.”

“But why did you say that at all? Haley, that really hurt me.” (Y/n) crossed her arms over her chest.

“I know, I regretted it as soon as I said it. I was just scared I guess. I didn’t expect you to ask me to dance and I know that’s a dumb excuse, but I swear I didn’t mean it.”

“What were you scared for?” (Y/n) asked softly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Because I,” Haley took in a shaky breath, “I like you a lot.”

“You were scared to accept my invitation to dance because you like me?” (Y/n) tested the words on her tongue, finding them just as confusing as when Haley had said them.

“Yeah, well, when you repeat it back like that it sounds dumb,” Haley blushed, “but, ugh! You know me. I’m not easy to get along with. I also don’t like being vulnerable so this whole thing is killing me now, but, I also like you too much to not try to apologize so,” Haley tentatively held her hand out to the bewildered farmer, “will you please let me have this dance in an attempt to redeem myself?”

(Y/n) studied the offered hand for a moment, making Haley so nervous she stopped breathing, but then (Y/n) gave her a small smile and took Haley’s hand.

“Okay.”

Haley inhaled deeply, feeling a weight come off her shoulders. She hurriedly put her free hand around (Y/n)’s waist and took the lead. Her skin tingled when (Y/n)’s hand came to rest on her shoulder.

“Thank you.” Haley breathed a sigh of relief.

“You know, you really surprised me yesterday,” (Y/n) began, making Haley wince, “I know you can be a little grouchy, even mean sometimes,” Haley wished the ground would swallow her whole,

“but the more we got to know each other, the more I got to see who you are trying to protect, the person who are underneath the prickliness. Granted, the prickliness is just as much a part of you, but I think it’s cute when you’re a little snarky,” Haley bit the inside of her cheek. She felt like she should be insulted, but (Y/n) finding something about her cute was making her blush,

“I was hurt when you turned me down like that yesterday, but I was also worried that would be the end of our friendship.”

“Why would you worry about that? If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have said good riddance.” Haley asked, mentally kicking herself for possibly giving (Y/n) the idea to back away now.

“Yeah, I kinda did feel that way at first,” (Y/n) admitted, “but when Leah helped me cool down, I at least wanted to know why you reacted the way you did. I’m glad you reached out to me before I did, because I honestly had no idea how to approach the subject.” (Y/n) said with a sheepish grin.

“What, are you afraid of me or something, Miss spends-all-winter-in-the-mines?” Haley Scoffed.

“Oh definitely.”

“Really?”

“You are scarier than you give yourself credit for.”

Haley tried not to laugh, but she couldn’t help it. She lowered her head to rest against (Y/n)’s shoulder and giggled, making (Y/n) laugh as well.

They swayed through a couple more songs before Haley pulled back and asked (Y/n) if she was hungry before motioning back to the the covered tree stump. They ate and talked together while listening to the portable radio Haley had brought along. When there was a lull, Haley asked,

“Hey, it’s not exactly the Flower Dance, but there’s always a dance floor at the summer Luau… be my dance partner?”

(Y/n) perked up, giving Haley another smile that gave her butterflies, “I’d like that.”

“Awesome.”

Maybe by summer she’d work up the courage to ask (Y/n) if she wanted to be her girlfriend, but this was perfect for now. Alex was going to need to help her with a plan, but when (Y/n) reached across the stump the tuck a bit of Haley’s hair behind her ear, she was feeling a little better about her chances.

[inkfishe]

Tried my hand at making older (late teens?) designs for the stardew kids!! Headcanons under the cut:

Leo:

- Emily gifts him new clothes to wear, but not much of it sticks. He likes sweaters (he finds Pelican Town very cold in comparison to Ginger Island) and cargo pants.

- yes he is wearing suspenders

- Haley made him comb his hair and he will never forgive her

- He still lives in his treehouse, despite many Pelican Town residents offering him a bed in their homes.

- He prefers isolation but frequently does favors/quests for the townies, so he is very well-liked despite his quirks. This also means he finds himself in a lot of weird situations.

- Close Friends: Jas, Vincent, Emily, and Linus

Jas:

- After Shane steps up as her guardian, she starts to take interest in more boyish hobbies and styles.

- She loves ranching!! She’s more interested in cows and pigs than chickens, but still loves them all.

- She eventually takes over the Ranch when Marnie retires, and is also most likely to take over the farm when the farmer bites it

- Very passionate about cute accessories

- Can be socially awkward and has a hard time communicating with others. Luckily, animals are much better listeners than people. She also struggles with a lot of newfound responsibility and being more adventurous.

- Close Friends: Vincent, Leo, Leah

Vincent:

- REALLY tries to follow in Sam’s footsteps. He wears Sam’s jackets around his waist.

- He wants to learn guitar and start a band, but unfortunately he’s extremely tone deaf (it doesn’t stop him from trying)

- He’s very physically active. Alex coaches him in sports and his dad + Abigail teach him how to fight monsters.

- Shares a lot of interests with Sam, including his love of childish things. He gets made fun of for it a lot. Because he tries so hard to be like Sam, he doesn’t actually have a strong sense of his own identity.

- Close Friends: Jas, Leo, Alex

[space-dreams-world]

DP x DC prompt: 101 feelings about your dog's best friend's owner.

You know, in the beginning scene of 101 Dalmatians where the Pongo drags his owner to the park after spotting Perdita with her owner and the owners end up getting tangled in the pond Well, it's that except Danny recently moved to Bludhaven with Cujo.

And Cujo wants to be friends with this three legged dog he saw, and he thinks their owner would be great with Danny.

Just Dick taking Haley for a walk before there is a shout and a green puppy is rushing towards Haley. Haley, being brave like her owner, sniffs and is wary of the newcomer as their owners end up crashing into one another in the nearby fountain.

Haley gets a new playmate and possibly a big brother, while Danny and Dick end up getting more familiar with one another as they offer each other to get coffee sometime or to schedule dog dates.

[In this au, I see Danny retiring from the superhero life but will come out of it for major disasters. He is a Morgue assistant or a resident handyman. This au would feature Tall and maybe tank! Danny, which we know Dick has a thing for strength and height. If, at some point, Dick and Danny live together, Danny is Dick's support network/nurse/extra help and can give thoughts on cases if he speaks to ghosts. Or extra, make this a poly with Barbara, as the brains, Danny as brawns, and Dick, while he has both, decide to stick with beauty.]

[mysterycitrus]

thoughts on renegade? Not necessarily canon compliant but your take on the mantle

id say on a metatextual level renegade as a mantle is interesting because its thee first time dick takes a name that doesn’t already carry a legacy. robin is commemorative of his mother and nightwing was a gift from clark and batman is bruce’s personal mission, and depending on the canon the costumes he wears are also inspired by the suits he wore at haleys. it almost certainly wasn’t intentional on devin graysons part but i think it says a lot about how dick views his own identity and like…… the degree of loss he’d experienced up to this point. after losing his parents, he becomes robin. after losing robin, he becomes nightwing. after blockbuster, he becomes someone else.

my particular interpretation of his relationship with the robin mantle is like 99% hc at this point but i do think incorporating how bruce and dick grieve differently adds a lot of depth to both their relationship and them as characters individually. both of them honour their families through their actions and care for others, but dicks identity is inextricably tied to both his personal and private life. his metaphorical manor filled with family photos and pearls and memorials is a name that other people took on after him. he fundamentally lacks that same control that bruce has, but that transience is built into his character too. the circus cannot stay. the tent is never built in the same place. the show must go on.

i didn’t really enjoy renegade as a concept — primarily because of the…. erm….. inciting incidents that precipitated its existence — but in the decades since its release i really think the context for its creation has been totally lost. the same way that nightwing #93 has totally overshadowed the broader arc it happens to reside within, renegade as a point of reference for dicks character progression is pretty obtuse. the idea that dick physically sheds his familys legacy after this new loss in order to emotionally spiral and isolate himself from others is interesting. his relationship with rose is interesting. reading it with the knowledge that dick was supposed to die during infinite crisis just makes it sadder imo because there’s like…, also no real emotional catharsis for him. he just tries to stop being himself, almost like he can sense his own end.

[pelicanfarmer]

My Dragon’s Lair.

Made this for Sebastian and the farmer for all those DnD campaigns on the weekends.

Sam and Abi are a given, they usually show up with food ever since they found out the Farmer made her own brew. Their flower mead’s especially popular. Abi always fascinated with the farmer’s recounting of the caves with Seb occasionally chiming in when he’s joined Farmer on quests.

Elliot and Leah are a welcome addition to the DnD campaigns. Eli once overheard the group talking about a new story they were working on and wanted to observe. Leah was there for the vibes but pretty soon got into it as their resident chaotic blacksmith.

Emily, the Farmer’s bestie, dragged Shane over once with the promise of good mead. Em likes going and the group loves having her there because of her eccentric ideas and plot twists. Shane becomes their resident voice of reason often saving the group from demise and also surprisingly lucky with his Nat20s. Haley sometimes comes, warming up to the group, they discover she has a real knack for changing voices and giving her characters life.

The group was most surprised though when the Farmer managed to drag Marlon into one campaign and all his very (scarily) realistic battle strategies.

[madamepestilence]

2024 US Election Information

We have roughly 1 year until the 2024 US election. I've put in some research, and here are my conclusions.

TLDR for those of you who don't have time or focus: Cornel West (Democratic Socialist running as People's Party -> Green Party) is the ideal candidate to vote for - normally I wouldn't advocate voting third party, but we may actually have a shot for once, and he has excellent policies. Jill Stein (Green Party) is a potential backup, though if West drops out, our best option for Democratic party is Marianne Williamson.

Please spread this information, especially to residents of Texas, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Arizona, Wisconsin, and Nevada. Detailed information under the cut.

Current Fascist and Republican Candidates

Donald Trump, Nikki Haley, Vivek Ramaswamy, Asa Hutchinson, Tim Scott, Ron DeSantis, Chris Christie, Ryan Binkley, and Doug Burgum.

I'm not going to entertain their details, but I will note that the information I picked up while being exposed to alt-right communities from the inside via my fascist parents earlier this year shows strong evidence that Republicans are likely going to split between Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis (viewed as a betrayal by Trump supporters), and openly fascist Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. (I'll cover him later).

My guess is a 6/3/1 Republican vote split between Trump/DeSantis/Kennedy, Jr..

Current Democratic Candidates

Joe Biden, Marianne Williamson, and Dean Philips.

Biden has overall failed to complete the majority of his campaign promises, and has been directly supporting Israel during the genocide of Palestine, as well as deferring to Republicans to be "bipartisan" (I don't think I have to stress enough that a bipartisan democrat is not a democrat) - do not vote for him.

Williamson is a high-school educated 71-year-old author from Los Angeles, California. She is known for being Oprah Winfrey's, "spiritual advisor," (double red flag), and dropped out during the 2020 election (another red flag).

While she supports the reinstatement of Roe v. Wade, the decriminalization of cannabis and psychedelic drugs, the reduction of CO2, and moving to 100% renewable energy by 2035, her advocacy for the outright banning of assault and semi-assault weapons for civilians without military reform of the same is a slight red flag when combined with her relationship with Oprah Winfrey (an Obama supporter, the president who authorized quite a lot of drone strikes in West Asia) and drop-out makes her not a great candidate.

Philips is a Bachelor's (Brown University) and Master's Business (University of Minnesota) educated 54-year-old three-term congressman who is noted for criticizing Biden running for a second term on account of both political moderacy and medical concerns.

Philips unfortunately wants to increase police funding for some reason, but advocated for better training, including mental health training. He also advocates for what he calls, "comprehensive immigration reform," in the form of increased border security and streamlining legal entry (this ignores the problem outlined by the UN that people seeking asylum are likely to have to enter a country illegally before they can seek support), and the only real good stance he has is giving reproductive rights to patients, rather than politicians.

Philips is essentially a moderate Republican, and is a bad candidate. Do not vote for him.

Current Independent Candidates

Fascist (not his stated political stance, but it's what he is)

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is a fascist that has openly quoted Nazi propaganda in his political campaigns, is an anti-vaccine activist, and has spread anti-science conspiracy theories such as vaccines causing autism and the non-existence of the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic. I cannot stress this enough, do not fucking vote for Kennedy, Jr.

Democratic Socialist

Cornel West is a Bachelor's (Harvard University), Master's, and Ph.D. (both Princeton University) educated 70-year-old progressive activist that switched his running party from the People's Party to the Green Party, despite being a both public- and self-described democratic socialist.

When asked why he wasn't running as a Democrat against Biden, he stated that, "Neither party is speaking to the pressing needs of poor and working people."

His party plans are a wealth tax on the rich, a national $27 minimum wage, a federal Universal Basic Income, 6 months of paid family leave, a 4-day work week, national free Pre-K childcare, "Immediate cessation of all oil and gas leasing projects on federal lands and waters," "Federal moratorium on fracking, carbon capture, and direct air capture technologies, geoengineering, and other false climate solutions," putting abortion rights in the Constitution, and nationalized healthcare.

Here's where I want to lay out something important. I normally wouldn't advocate for voting for a third party candidate due to the Spoiler Effect, but

Considering the United States' Democratic majority, popular vote records showing a common Republican minority, the absolutely incredible policies West stands for,

The growing support for third parties in the United States, and his policies aligning with public opinion,

Cornel West is the ideal candidate to vote for. Spread this information like wildfire - we may have one shot at the first third party win in US history in the upcoming 2024 election, and

If successful the dominant parties will be Fascist vs. Socialist, denying most, if not all, future Republican wins.

Our target toss-up states are Pennsylvania, Georgia, Arizona, Wisconsin, and Nevada.

Converting Texas to third party, or even just Democrat, will throw the Republican vote entirely and all but guarantee a Democrat, or hopefully third party, 2024 election win,

Which is absolutely possible, as Texas is majority Democrat and wins Republican votes via gerrymandering despite public opinion, which is why it swings occasionally.

Democrat states also need to be switched to majority third party votes, with particular emphasis on California, New York, and Illinois.

GET PEOPLE TO VOTE FOR CORNEL WEST!

Reference map of polling for the future 2024 election:

Libertarian (slightly Conservative to alt-right, really depends on the person)

Chase Oliver is a surprisingly progressive high school educated 38-year-old anti-war Libertarian that left the Democratic party after witnessing Obama's aggressive anti-West Asian war policies who has expressed desires for criminal justice reform and ending wars abroad, though hasn't elaborated on either.

Green Party

Jill Stein is a Bachelor's (Harvard University) and Medical (Harvard Medical University) 73-year-old Jewish doctor who previously ran for and represented the Green-Rainbow Party as the governor of Massachusetts.

Stein is notable for being an activist and protestor who has both protested outside buildings and testified before legislative and other government bodies against coal plants, mercury leaks, and unclean and unsafe groundwater.

Presumably, her stances will focus on environmental protections, trans rights, and Jewish protections, making her a potential alternative should West drop out.

Conclusions:

Again, don't fucking vote for Trump, Haley, Ramaswamy, Hutchinson, Scott, DeSantis, Christie, Binkley, Burgum, Biden, Philips, or Kennedy, Jr..

Our potential backup Democratic candidate is Williamson.

The ideal candidate is West, with Stein as a viable backup.

As absurd as it sounds, I want you to vote third party for Cornel West.

If you want a wealth tax on the rich, a national $27 minimum wage, a federal Universal Basic Income,

6 months of paid family leave, a 4-day work week, national free Pre-K childcare,

"Immediate cessation of all oil and gas leasing projects on federal lands and waters," "Federal moratorium on fracking, carbon capture, and direct air capture technologies, geoengineering, and other false climate solutions,"

putting abortion rights in the Constitution, and nationalized healthcare,

VOTE FOR CORNEL WEST AND GET OTHER PEOPLE TO DO THE SAME.

WE HAVE A CHANCE AT THE FIRST THIRD PARTY WIN IN THE UNITED STATES AND THE DENIAL OF FUTURE REPUBLICAN WINS.

[haley-mtstar]

[berberriescorner]

Until The Cops Come Knocking

Characters: Kevin Atwater x Black!Reader.

Summary:  A simple house call turns into a pleasant surprise.

Warnings: Let’s see, just a smidge of spice. Fluffiness and flirtation included. There are a few sprinkles of profanity. There may be instances where you cackle loudly.

Word Count: 2,700+.

A/N: I know. You’re shocked I took time away from my baby daddy, Rio. It’s just something about Atwater and Halstead, though. Wait until you see what else I’m cooking up for those two. I honestly couldn’t tell you how this random idea came about. That’s the joy of being a Libra. My imagination just keeps going and going. IT’S LIBRA SZN BABY♎️! Enjoy my sweet lovelies.

Song Inspo💞:

Boot-covered footsteps thumped down the winding stairwell of the run-down apartment building. The creaking door of the entrance swung open as both detectives released an exhausted and irritated breath. Both men took in their surroundings as they approached the large pickup truck they arrived in. Seeing nothing lurking about, Jay slid into the driver’s side as Kevin took residence in the passenger seat. The men released another irritated sigh before Halstead spoke, “This damn case has us running in circles. There has got to be something we’re missing here.”

“These dead ends are wasting valuable time. If we don’t get a hold of things soon, this sick psycho will slip through our fingers. For all we know, he could be halfway to Mexico by now. None of these witnesses are going to cooperate.”

“We’ll figure something out. We just have to find a way to convince them we can protect them and their families from this monster. We should wrap this up for the night, though. We’re both too tired to follow up on any more pointless leads. I say we head back to the precinct, check in with the team, and call it a night.”

The men agree it’s probably the best bet as Jay turns over the engine. As they begin the journey back to the precinct, a call comes in over the radio. There are multiple reports of a noise complaint about a party at a property in a neighborhood only minutes from their current location. Atwater shrugs his shoulders at Halstead.

“I mean, we are only five minutes away. Might as well check it out real quick.”

“It’s probably some spoiled-ass rich kid throwing a kegger,” Jay responds. “Let’s just get this over with,” he chuckles, shaking his head.

“It’s strange. This address sounds familiar. Have we ever answered any calls or done investigative work on this street,” Kevin questioned.

“I feel like I’ve been here with Haley or Voight, but I can’t say for sure.”

Kevin gave him a slight head nod as his phone vibrated in his left pocket. Checking the notification brings a small smile to his face. Atwater’s eyebrows twist in confusion as he reads the message. Jay glanced in his direction, laughing at his friend's facial expression.

“Bro? Are you good? If you stare at that screen any harder, it may glitch,” he joked. “What’s wrong? Are you in the dog house or something? And please don’t hit me with that, “who says I’m dating anyone nonsense.” The girls are on to you. You’ve been missing happy hour for months now. Giving us the excuse that you’re tired. You’ve turned down every woman within the last four months.”

Kevin ignored most of what Jay said, returning to the initial question. 

“It’s this text, bro. Either words are missing, or I’m being butt-texted. Is that even a thing,” he asked, still puzzled.

Before Jay could respond, another text came through. Kevin read the three-word text and guffawed. His tongue wet his bottom lip before the bottom lip tucked between his teeth. He was fighting the heat from the three words on his screen.

Mamas🤤😈🫶🏾: need fuck daddy

Baeee🙈💓🫶🏾: Oh! That’s how you’re feeling, mamas? I thought you were out with your girls tonight.

Mamas🤤😈🫶🏾: M so tips feels so goods need daddy😩🤤.

Baeee🙈💓🫶🏾: Drop your location, baby. I’ll come to get you. I’ll scoop you when I finish up here. Stay put, love.

Mamas🤤😈🫶🏾:

“I see you’ve deciphered the message. What’s up,” Jay asked.

“It’s nothing, dog. It’s just a little inside joke. You wouldn’t get it,” Kevin lied.

“Your reply sounds suspicious as hell. I would question it further, but we’ve arrived at our destination.”

“Damn! You can hear the music from the gate entrance. Don’t they have security? It is a gated community.”

“They’ve visited this house twice already. They told neighbors to call the authorities a third time.”

“This should be fun,” Atwater responded dryly.

Jay was the first one to approach the door. With a gentle nod, both men positioned their hands on their holsters, and Halstead gave a firm knock. 

“Sounds like a bunch of drunk women,” Kevin whispered quickly, releasing a small laugh.

“Dear Lord. It sounds like we’re about to interrupt girls' night. Brace yourself, brother, if these women are as drunk as they sound. It could get a little handsy.”

“If one finger lands on you. Upton’s going to kill you. You have to stop falling for your coworkers, Halstead. You take the term work wife too seriously,” Kevin jokes.

The door swings open, halting Jay from giving a rebuttal. Both men angle their heads down, spotting a redhead who is no more than four foot eleven. Her gaze creeps over the detectives slowly as she mumbles, “Good Lord. Money well spent.”

Jay and Kevin look at each other, confused by her words. They identify themselves, but it goes ignored. Another woman joins the redhead. She appears to be Filipino and just as tiny as her friend. Kevin starts to identify himself, but both women turn toward the rest of the group.

The redhead purrs, “Ladies, get your ones ready. The entertainment is here!”

Both detectives look flabbergasted as they try and correct them. The ladies are seriously inebriated. None of the words leaving the detectives’ mouths are getting through. Red continues, “Ms. Maid of Honor! Do us the honors and get the Bride-to-be ready for her lap dance!”

Her fellow tiny friend squeezes between both men, pulling them inside the house.

“Wait a minute, sweetheart,” Jay tries to reason.

“Hold on there, ma’am. You’re mistaken,” Kevin interjects.

Surrounded by a pack of drunk and lust-filled women, Jay attempts to talk over the boisterous crowd, “Ladies! Let’s keep things calm-.” He’s thrown off as someone grabs his ass. “Come now, ladies. Let’s keep things civilized and respectful.”

Kevin cackles as Jay’s face starts to redden. That is until one of the women starts running her hand up and down the veins of his forearm. The women begin catcalling them, going on about how sexy they are. “If I would’ve known they were sending strippers this fucking sexy. I would’ve paid double. Cuff me, Mr. Officer,” the redhead panted.

Kevin stepped back and politely removed the thirsty woman’s hand from his person. He started to reiterate that they were the actual police. Those words stuck in his throat as he felt dainty arms wrap around his waist. As if that hadn’t thrown him off guard, the unidentified woman began thrusting her hips, humping from the back. Just as he was about to turn around and reprimand the stranger, he heard a familiar voice. To Kevin’s surprise, he turns around to find you, his tipsy girlfriend smiling and slapping his ass. Jay looked at his friend in shock as his face lit up with laughter at your slurred words.

“This ain’t no strippaaa! Back off, you thirsty bald-headed hoes! I’m just joking. Not really. This MY MUTHAFUCKIN’ MAN! My man, my man, my man, my man! We go together. Real bad.”

“Okay, Yung Miami. You need a break from TikTok, baby,” Kevin teased.

Jay, assuming his friend was enduring harassment, attempted to diffuse the situation and calm you down. Kevin releases a deep chuckle, patting Halstead on the back.

“It’s all good, bro. Shortie can touch me however she wants,” he insists, licking his lips and staring at you with hungry eyes. “You lit, ain’t you, mamas?”

Halstead looks on in complete and utter confusion. “She’s beautiful, man, but don’t forget we’re on the clock. Voight would have our asses for indulging in this.”

Atwater smirks at Jay as he shrugs his shoulders. His eyes travel back to your face. Kevin reaches out, placing his hand on your waist. He tugs at you, pulling you into a quick peck.

“Relax, Halstead. Little mama’s telling the truth.” 

Jay, looking at him puzzled, waited for Kevin to explain. 

“Halstead, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for the last six months. It’s an odd way for you to find out, but yeah. Jay, this my lady.” 

Embarrassed, you released a tiny giggle, burying yourself into Kevin’s side. Pulling back, you looked at him in a lust-filled, drunken haze. 

“Hiii baby,” you slurred, smiling ear to ear.

Kevin smiled back, biting his lip, “Wassup, beautiful? Listen, we hate to break up a wonderful time, mamas, but it’s pretty noisy. As a courtesy to the neighbors, could you tell the crew to simmer down a little bit,” he said in that tone that always made you shiver. 

“Okay, baby,” you smiled, nibbling your lip.

Atwater leaned in closer, whispering in your ear, “Yeah? You can do that for Daddy?”

Releasing a shaky breath, you nodded yes in reply.

“That’s my good girl.”

Jay looked at Atwater with raised eyebrows as you settled the girls down.

“Very impressive. Teach me your ways, bro.”

“No can do, brotha. If it’s in you, it’s in you. Can’t be taught, my man,” Kevin boasted.

You managed to calm the girls down. They all relocated to the kitchen to make a fresh batch of margaritas. Your best friends, who had answered the door, instructed you to find out if Kevin’s partner was single. They trotted off heartbroken after telling them Kevin had mentioned a girlfriend to you before.

You stumbled back to your chuckling boyfriend, who wrapped you in another bear hug. Pulling away, he looked at you like you had been caught red-handed.

“I know you’re the maid of honor, but did I hear the word strippers? Yes, I’m almost certain that’s come up several times since we arrived. You don’t need all that swinging in your face. Come on, my little drunken love. We’re taking you home. Your little ass is about to pass out. How much alcohol have you had?” 

“I’ll go,” you stand on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “If you take me home and put me to sleep, just the way I like.” You finish, biting his ear playfully. 

“That can be arranged…for tomorrow. I want you sober, mamas.”

Kevin laughs at your drunken pout. “You’ll be out like a light before we make it to the house. It’s going to be alright, love. Sleep it off some, and I promise I’ll break you off afterward.”

“Let’s go so I can get you back to your car, bro. You’re not having sex in my truck,” Jay joked, but at the same time, he was serious.

“Halstead, be easy on the jokes now. I’d hate to have to inform Hailey about the many times you got groped tonight.”

Kevin gingerly swept you from Jay’s truck, transferring you to his own. He managed to buckle you into the front seat and nearly made it out of the parking lot unnoticed. His head shot back with an exasperated sigh as the exit to the precinct flew open.

“Nice try, Atwater. We want to meet your gorgeous lady friend Halstead’s exact words. Better watch your girl, Kev,” Burgess taunted. 

Hailey followed close behind, hands on her hips and a smirk on her face. “You honestly think Jay was going to keep your secret? Not a chance, Atwater. Before you try to snitch, I already know how he was treated like a sexy piece of meat tonight,” Hailey sassed.

Kevin shushed the women and directed their attention to your sleeping frame. “You two can give her the third degree another time. I’m taking my little party animal home,” he whispered, looking at you with adoring eyes. “I’ll bring her by the precinct to formally introduce her soon. Just not tonight, ladies.”

“Bachelorette parties are the best. I’m looking forward to mine,” Upton sighed.

“Jay should be worried if Burgess is throwing it. I’ll see you two tomorrow. Let me get my sleepy baby to a comfortable bed.”

You had slept the entire ride to and from the precinct. Kevin carried you into his home, taking you straight to the master bathroom. You began to stir as he placed you on top of the vanity.

“How long was I out,” you groaned.

“About an hour,” his lips brushed against your forehead. “Do you think you can handle showering on your own? Or do you want me to help you, love?”

“I want cuddles in the shower. Shit! I don’t have my overnight bag. What about my hair,” you whined.

“You gon’ be good, sweetheart. One second.”

Kevin started opening cabinets and sitting items next to you on the vanity. His face spread into a shy smile when he saw you holding back tears.

“Why the watery eyes, mamas?”

“Two things. First of all, sir. Bless your parents. I’ve never had a man love me this way. Baby, you went and bought all my hair care products.”

The both of you looked lovingly at the pile on the counter. Kevin had purchased every single product you had in your bathroom. Everything you usually brought with you lay there.

“What was the second thing?”

“I’m an emotional drunk.”

“Yeah, I kind of guessed that,” he chuckled. “You can sleep in my clothes. I’d prefer you slept naked, but that’s up to you,” he licked his lips.

“That depends.”

“On?”

“If I’ve sobered up enough for you to slide up in it,” you purred.

“I’d say you’re thinking pretty clearly, love. Let’s get cleaned up. I’m starving, and I got a taste for something sweet.”

“Yeah,” you questioned breathlessly.

Kevin stepped between your thighs, kissing you hungrily. Releasing your lips a few moments later, his hand brushed against the outside of your shorts. “Yeah. It’s nice, soft, juicy, and delicious. You gon’ give me a taste, love?”

“Start the shower before I come all over this counter.”

Hours later, the two of you lay in bed panting and satiated. The room rested in a comfortable silence. Your head rested on Kevin’s chest as his fingertips drew patterns against your naked skin. His lips left a litany of kisses across your temple. He pulled in a breath before speaking.

“Baby girl,” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Move in with me. I want to build a life with you. I know it’s only been six months-.”

“Yes.”

“I wanted to ask you another question, though,” he playfully scolded, giving your butt a light tap. 

You looked at him and smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry, continue, baby. Either way, the answer is yes.”

“Cool. So we’re getting married then?”

“Ye-wait. What?”

Kevin flipped you both. Lying on top of you, he brushed the hair from your face.

“Marry me, mamas? I know it’s way too soon-.”

You kissed him to shut him up. It lasted long enough to calm his fluttering heart.

“Yes.”

Without another word, he kissed you hard, stealing your breath. Tender touches morphed into desperate touches. In an instant, the room filled with pants and moans as he slipped back into you. Thrust mirroring thrust, as Kevin drove you to the brink of ecstasy until your tired body would no longer allow it. He littered your face with kisses as the both of you whispered words of affirmation until sleep claimed you both.

The aching in your bladder woke you as the morning sun crept into the bedroom. Not wanting to wake your sleeping giant, you wiggled free. Tip-toeing into the bathroom, you quickly relieved yourself and washed your hands. You unboxed one of the toothbrushes Kevin bought, quietly falling into your morning routine. Standing in the mirror brushing your teeth, your free hand brushed curls from your face, and you froze. The toothbrush dangled in your mouth as you stared into the mirror, shock written on your face. Hand frozen mid-air, you gawked at the beautiful diamond sparkling on your ring finger. You startled as a voice sounded behind you. Kevin stood in the doorway, muscles rippling, in all his naked glory, staring at you in the mirror. He walked up behind you, pressing his chest to your back, and whispered against your neck, “I always come prepared, baby girl. Notice it’s the correct size and the cut you like. Do I know my woman or what,” he bragged, finishing with kisses to your throat.

Throwing a finger in the air, you quickly rinsed your mouth and toothbrush. You placed the brush in the holder as you spun around, snatching Kevin’s hand. Pulling him back toward the bedroom, he questioned, “Where are we going, love?”

“Back to bed. I’m going to suck the soul out of you. Then I’m taking my ass to the kitchen and cooking you breakfast in bed.”

Fuck I love this woman.

Hope you enjoyed it, my sweet babies! Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

tagging:

@darqchilddaydreamz @4everbrookemarie @starrynite7114 @nightlywords7 @amorestevens @sunshine-flower @boomclapxox @astoldbychae

@skyesthebomb @tbugger01 @thatbrowngruul

[hiramaris]

Kiss It Off Me

CHAPTER 1

Summary:

A story revolving around the newly arrived resident farmer in the eyes of the personified perfection, the sunflower of Pelican Town herself, Haley. Or. When Haley finally met the person that caused ripples in what was once a stagnant town, and she didn’t know how to handle such massive change.

Pairings: Haley x Fem!farmer

Notes:

Haley's heart events are just soooo wifey, especially after marriage. Her character development is well written off but I just can't help but notice that something is missing, like the heart events are just not that connected in some way. Stardew is an absolute gem don't get me wrong. I'd like to try and connect what I think is missing which is the reason this fic is created. P.S. Second try in making fanfiction. I apologize for any future grammatical errors or whatever. English is not my primary language.

Disclaimer:  I do not own Stardew Valley or any of the related characters. Stardew Valley is created by and owned by ConcernedApe. This fanfiction is intended for entertainment only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of the original Stardew Valley story belong to ConcernedApe.

Warning: None so far? Just Haley being her usual self

Gif from reddit.com

Winter 25

Immobile.

Stagnant.

Bland.

What words could possibly do justice to describe this sleepy town? Pelican Town had its charms sure. It’s peaceful, the air is fresh, and would never choke you on your sleep plus it gives a really nice tan so Haley wouldn’t really complain. 

But it was just so... boring. Was that the right term?

The people are meh, nosy, and just as bland but they are good neighbors though don't get her wrong. They look after them— her and Emily when their parents can’t. 

Ugh.

Them again. Thinking about them just makes her angry— blood boiling and all that, and well… sad which is infuriating.

How can you just leave your kids just to go follow your own dreams and travel? And then act like you care just by sending some half-hearted letter? Sending a letter now and then was hardly enough to make up for their absence. How low could that be?

Emily doesn’t think so. But what does she know? Her cooking was as bland as the town, and her obsession with crystals and hippie clothes was just plain ridiculous. She knows nothing. 

Her sister is anything but pessimistic. She saw the light in everything whereas Haley ever saw them through the lens of her camera.

Capturing a single moment in a photograph was a thousand times more vivid and alive than the bleak and colorless reality she was currently living in.

She should be in college right now, pursuing her dreams, being the center of attention, and having boys falling over themselves to impress her. Or she would have been running her own photography studio by now in a city that never sleeps, schmoozing with some famous photographers and carving a niche for herself in the cut-throat world of photography.

But no, because here she was, stuck in a six-mile drive from the nearest city, life as directionless as the people in here.

Why am I even staying here? She wonders.

Oh, yeah— grandma.

This house is hers. Her house is the only thing that made her feel that Grandma is still here, with them. Even though Haley is talking big about leaving this town, she knew to herself that she doesn’t have the strength to just leave it just like that. Which is why they both tried to keep it tidy and well... avoiding it from falling apart.

Aside from that, there was nothing to do here. The only things keeping her sane were her camera, her phone, and the clothes she ordered online.

Oh, and of course, her best friend, Alex.

He's the only one— aside from Emily and of course, the Mullner residence, Granny and George are good people even though George is grumpy all the time,  that she's able to have a decent conversation. She and Alex are, after all, not the sharpest tool in the shed, and shares almost the same brain cell.

He’s that typical jock boy, ripped as hell but in terms of brain, well… meh. Not like Haley's any better so who is she to judge?

They went to the same school, belonged to the same clique, and were both popular, of course. He’s here to practice his grid ball or whatever but Haley knew better.

Alex, despite being the dungus that he is, has a lot on his plate already. He needs the peace this town could offer.

And maybe, maybe I need it, too.

Maybe being away from the city has a good cause, despite her constant complaints, this town has been her home for the past six years after all.

But she just really couldn’t help but dwell on this stupid thought of hers of being stagnant and directionless at this time of the year.

Winter.

Ugh. It’s stupidly cold outside and there’s no way she’s walking in six-inch snow just to get a quality photo, which isn’t much considering the lighting outside does not satisfy her at all. The only, and probably one good thing about winter is peppermint coffee. It's hot, minty, and makes her feel warm while making her mouth worthy of being sucked on— err... that's a want that cannot be sated as of the moment.

The bachelors in this town suck for real. They are not even worthy of a single glance. Apart from Alex, of course, but he's a friend so... no.

And what's made it double suck is that she ran out of peppermint coffee. Pierre is out of stock and there's no way she'll let herself be caught alive inside that creep manager's store that runs Joja or whatever. 

Now she's stuck sitting at the table, devouring a massive pink cake that could feed an entire family, enduring a coffee so bland it makes her want to try and drink tea.

She hates tea.

Oh yeah, she's also holding a note and a sunflower in her other hand. 

She doesn't want to read the letter but considering the gifts she just received, it’s probably just the same lame-ass apology about being unable to be here on her birthday this coming Spring 14th. Not that it mattered anymore; it had been two years of absence, and she had grown used to it by now.

With a flick of her wrist, she tossed the note onto the table, debating whether to toss it into the fireplace or tear it to shreds or whatever.

If it's just another excuse, she doesn’t want to hear it.

"Haaaay!" And there's a familiar voice. 

"If you don't have peppermint coffee with you I swear to Yoba—"

"What's the case, long face?" He quipped. "And no, I don't have anything with me."

She looked up from her cake, finding Alex strolling in their kitchen with one of his shit-eating grins, hair covered with a concerning amount of snow. She grimaced, "sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with you."

He feigned a hurt expression, "I thought you love me though."

"According to gossip, maybe but really, I don't." She deadpanned. 

He cackled at the mention of that. At the center of the gossip mill passing down from Marnie, Jodi, and Caroline, maybe Robin, too, and probably all the yoga club, is he and Haley dating. Which was absurd, to be honest.

"No, really, Hay." He finally turns serious. "What's up? What's got your face looking like that?" 

"It's just the stupid climate." Haley tried to lie. She didn't want to stir up drama at the moment. Alex frowned, catching up with her lie almost immediately. He caught sight of the letter Haley threw earlier. "Alex don't—"

Too late. He already got it. He sat down next to her as he read the contents of the note, his brows furrowing in what she assumes is annoyance. "Parents, huh? Same old, same old?" He raised an eyebrow.

Haley huffed and snatched the letter away. "Yes, the usual."

"Well," Alex propped his elbow on the backrest, a sly grin returning to his face. "I just got the perfect news that might take your mind off things."

Haley arched a perfect eyebrow, curious. Gossip wasn't his usual forte.

"Spill." 

"A new farmer is coming to town."

Haley's fork paused in mid-air. "Uh... I'm not sure how to react to that, and what's so great about it?"

His smile widened. "I heard she's from Zuzu City."

"I'm sorry, what?" 

"Why? Surprised another Zuzu native is coming here?"

"No, you dungus." She slapped his hand attempting to take a slice of her cake. "I heard you correctly, right? You said the farmer's a she? A girl is taking over that farm?"

"Yes," Alex confirmed, finally snagging a bite of cake. Haley makes a scrunched face in mock disgust. "The farmer's a she. What's the problem though?" He asked in mouthfuls.

Haley stood up to grab another spoon. No way she's getting his imaginary cooties. Alex doesn't seem to mind; it only further encourages him to eat some more. "Because it’s weird." She said as she sat down. "Farming isn't exactly a girl's job, especially for a city girl like her. I bet you she wouldn't last a month."

"Not all girls are like you, Hay— ow! What's that for?!" He rubbed his ribs where Haley just nudged with her boniest elbow of all time.

"As I was saying before being rudely interrupted," she rolled her eyes, "farming is all dirt and nasty, smelly clothes. That farm was barely run by old man Raileigh before he died. What could possibly a city girl like his granddaughter could do with that rundown farm? I bet you it’s already smoldering by now."

"Good point," Alex said as he continued eating. Haley swear to Yoba all this idiot does is eat and relax in here.

He has a diet, right? So does she, and they're like eating a fat block of sugar right now.

Whatever. Pink cake has always been an exemption from all her seasonal dietary plans.

"But I guess we'll have to wait and see; don't you think so?" Alex turns to her after a few moments of silence. "I heard she's around our age. If it's true that farming is as difficult as they say, the least we can do is make her feel welcomed."

Haley barely nods in acknowledgment. 

This town is like a pond, where everything that enters stays and everyone already there remains. The city is a raging storm with ocean waves ready to swallow you if you go against the flow. A lot of people there has a sense of direction, one Haley aspires to have, and what Pelican lacks. You can't, at all costs, be still and unmoved and some people just couldn't do that.

And those people who couldn't stand the pressure, come here, like a moth drawn to a flame, seeking the mundanity Pelican Town could offer them. Perhaps they have grown weary of the constant hustle and bustle. Maybe city life has been too much. Maybe modern life has been too much for this farmer.

Who knows?

But one thing Haley doesn't like, and what keeps her unmoved and still, is change. Adapting, and adjusting isn't meant for her. It took years before she could finally settle a lifestyle in this town, and another two years of adjustment when her parents decided it would be a good idea to abandon them and go travel. She knew where to go, where townspeople go just so she could avoid interacting with them, she accustomed herself to their culture, and the perfect spots for taking pictures. She has it all memorized and planned out perfectly.

And this farmer will be an anomaly to her perfectly (not as perfect as she thought) crafted routine. New face, a new attitude, and just an overall new person she might be obligated to talk to for the sake of introduction.

Pelican is a stagnant pond, yet this farmer, this alien to her world, she's not yet even here but she is already starting to cause ripples.

And Haley doesn't know what to think of it.

~~~~~

Next

Notes:

The title was inspired by Cigarettes After Sex' Kiss it off me. Their songs are such *chef's kiss* and whilst I was listening to this song, it kind of, sorta, reminded me of how my farmer sees her wife. Thus kabooOm this fic is born

Edit: Because I'm procrastinating and I made sure to finish off my other story first, I decided now to transfer this story from Ao3 to Tumblr

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Assuming the farmer has social anxiety and they're really scared of approaching the towns people when they first moved in (except Lewis and Robin because it was practically forced interaction lol), how do you think the towns people approach the farmer or how long does it take for the farmer to approach them? Sorry if this sounds like a lot, you can write anything and any length 🥹🥹

Hey, dear anon 👋 Thanks for your ask ❤️

The question is quite interesting, by the way. I decided to write about all the residents of the Valley, so I apologise that the answer took so long. Anyway, enjoy!

How quickly the townspeople become friends with the shy Farmer:

Oh, the new farmer decided to visit the Saloon after all? Let them sit down, then. Gus noticed that the shy Farmer came here to meet new people, but they was still afraid even to address Gus himself and ordered dinner, sitting at the farthest table. He would be quite cautious and very polite to Farmer. However, you won't get a long conversation - other customers are waiting. So the Farmer will have to try their luck at friendship with Gus after hours. Considering his good-naturedness, it won't be difficult even for Farmer.

In Shane's case, a man who has no desire to get to know the new residents of this town (he hardly interacts with the locals either, except for his aunt and niece and maybe Sam) the time to get to know each other will be quite long. A year or more. It's going to be very slow, and most likely Farmer themself needs to make the first step towards friendship.

Clint didn't really care who it was that had come to their forgotten little town, which for some unknown reason he had also been brought to. The local blacksmith was hardly sociable, rather the opposite, a perpetually sullen and shy pessimist. Therefore, he will not actively seek acquaintance and friendship with Farmer. So the young grower of various crops needs to make the first step. It is better to start with amethysts, they are easier to get.

Given that Harvey is a rather good-natured and patient man, and also wants to maintain a good relationship with his patients, it doesn't matter who makes the first move - both Farmer and Harvey will quickly find common ground. A month, maybe a little less.

Grandma Evelyn will welcome Farmer with open arms. Having learned from Lewis that the new Farmer is very shy, she will be the first to start a dialogue and do everything she can to make her old friend's grandchild feel at home in the Valley. About from delicious baked goods sent in the mail, or simple greetings in the main square as she tends to the flowers. Even the shyest of people will want to make friends with her, such a sweet Granny!

Farmer doesn't have to worry about introducing themself to the strange man who lives in a high tower far from Pelican Town - Rasmodius is already the first to write a letter and the first to start a conversation when the youth crosses the threshold of his domain. Passionate more in the knowledge about the mystical 'Junimo', the Wizard pays no heed to Farmer's faint attempts to get to know him better. Maybe later, when he has some time free from magical research. He's not overly social, and he often speaks in riddles, but still quite a nice person. Albeit a bit odd, but in a year's time he can be called an unusual friend.

To be honest, in the Spring Year 1 Alex will first try to start a dialogue with the newcomer, but he will quickly lose interest and may not even remember the existence of Farmer at all. And if they do have a small dialogue, Alex is unlikely to remember it. The first step will be made by him, and taking into account that the young athlete will most often praise himself as a future sports star, the conversation will be... so-so. It will take a lot of time and Farmer's patience for Alex to reveal himself to be the real deal, not the boastful brat.

Like her regular dance partner at the Flower Festival, Haley doesn't seem to notice Farmer's presence at all, with only her sister constantly buzzing in her ear that someone has arrived in Pelican Town and settled on the old farm. Straightforward, sometimes tactless in her comments about the appearance of Farmer, and flippant - many who do not know Haley intimately will not have the best first impression. So it will take a lot of time (and self-control) to get to know her better.

Demetrius, preoccupied with his experiments, would not impose his acquaintance on the newcomer, only make polite introductions and inform them that his daughter also wanted to welcome Farmer. Stuck in his notes or constantly in the lab, Farmer will have to try a little harder to draw the scientist's attention to themself and make a friendly conversation. In principle, a few attempts during half a year - and they will quickly find a common language.

With Abigail, it would depend on her mood. Some days she will take a interest in the Farmer, ask questions and slowly become buddies. However, there are days when a fight with her parents or something else makes her mad, and the purple-haired girl can bark at Farmer in such a way that they have no desire to communicate further. But she is quite friendly, so friendship with her will start after a few months, and she will be the initiator.

Oh, Penny... Two very shy people who have exchanged greetings, and now stand in silence, absolute awkward silence... But interestingly, they will become friends pretty quickly, the key is to find a small interesting topic (Farmer will probably talk first) and the conversation will develop into another conversation, and another, and another. And *poof* - friendship!

Emily saw Farmer for the first time and was immediately like - instant mutuals. She feels Farmer's aura, the little sparks in their eyes, and realises they are going to be best friends! The girl will often invite Farmer to her house for tea, or to show her new outfits she has sewn. Maybe if they want to, she'll make something nice for them too? She is easy to get along with, and in a month Emily and Farmer will be besties!

Marlon is a man of few word, and not to say that he actively seeks friendship with the people of the Valley. He is a lone wolf by nature, and the only friend he can name is Gil, who, by the way, is also a man of few word. On the other hand, if Farmer feels uncomfortable with so many people in Pelican Town, Guild and two old adventurers will warmly welcome Farmer to their cosy base, treat them to campfire soup and share tales. So slowly but surely the friendship of the two older guild members with the youngest will form.

Grumpy, distrustful of new faces, a bit rude - George definitely wouldn't be called a conversation buddy. And he certainly wouldn't interrupt his favourite TV show to have a chat with the new Farmer. He's not trying to be rude on purpose, no. It's just that due to his advanced age he can be impatient, so the Farmer will have to be patient and make the first move to talk. Six or eight months is about enough time for George to trust them.

Jas and Vincent will behave completely opposite to each other: while Sam's younger brother needs only a few snails or a piece of pink cake to call the Farmer his best friend, Jas will be more wary, remembering that Aunt Marnie and Uncle Shane always said not to talk to strangers. However, if the shy farmer finds a common language with Marnie or Shane first, then Jas herself will take a step towards friendship. With Vincent it will be about a couple of months, for Jas longer, but they will soon understand that the Farmer is quite a good person and not boring adult.

Well, it's safe to say that it was Farmer who was the first to strike up a dialogue and friendship with Leo. The boy is very shy on his own, but parrot friends are his friends, so slowly but surely he and Farmer become friends. I would give it a year for Leo to fully trust Farmer.

Gunther is in the library most of the time, so the introduction only happened with Farmer when they brought an interesting artefact. Not to say that the museum keeper wants to be friends with them that much, but if they don't mind being pals - then Gunther won't say no. Or conversely, if the Farmer feels uncomfortable and too shy, he'll leave them alone. If Farmer is so interested, then let them visit Gunther more often, he has many interesting stories, and they'll become pals in no time.

Oh, a human? Here in the sewers? Please don't be frightened by Krobus, he's completely harmless, he'll even sell you interesting goods. Friendship? Oh, well, it can get very lonely in here. The Farmer's not going to harm Krobus, correct? Then, shall we be friends? Also polite and shy, Farmer and Krobus will quickly find common ground.

With her aerobics club, Caroline knows how difficult and scary it can be to get to know a new community. Some fit right in with their little group right away, some took a little more time. So Caroline will endeavour to make the atmosphere in her husband's shop as welcoming as possible for Farmer, just so they don't feel uncomfortable. 3-4 months of small conversations - and, well, a friendship began.

Caroline's husband, Pierre, on the other hand... Well, he'll be the first to engage in dialogue, that's for sure. Except that he sees Farmer first as a potential customer who needs to be wooed with tempting discounts on seeds and a friendly atmosphere so that they will definitely only buy from his shop. If Yoba has gifted the Farmer with universal patience, then they can try to bond with Pierre as buddies, at least, and not just as buyer/seller.

To Farmer's great regret, Morris is even worse than Pierre..... Social anxiety? No anxiety, because discounted merchandise at JojaMart will save the Farmer all the trouble! Marketing from Yoba, for crying out loud... If for some reason Farmer decided to give the chance to be friends with Morris, they'd have to try their best to talk to the perpetually busy manager of a huge company about something unrelated to that very company.

Willy is your man! Even if Farmer isn't too interested in fishing, the old sailor can still quickly become a good friend for a shy newcomer in Stardew Valley. Silently fishing, telling tales of his fishing adventures or just a little conversation - good-natured enough, he will become a good friend in as little as two or three months.

Heh, If a Farmer kid puts a free mug of cold beer next to Pam, she will already call them a friend! Ha ha! Eh, don't mind her, she's just kidding. But seriously, if you want Pam's favour, it would be a good idea to start with ale or beer, and then you can get to know her. If the poor shy Farmer is against alcohol, they could fill Pam up with a mountain of her favourite parsnips - and in one spring they'll be besties!

Sebastian is not what you would call an outgoing personality or conversation buddy, so Farmer needs to be the first to strike up a dialogue with the local emo. Sebby himself is also shy, and it takes quite a while for the first step towards friendship. Six to nine months, maybe a little sooner if Farmer and Sebby are in the company of Abby and Sam. You find friendship faster in a collective somehow.

Oh, there they are! The cause of much discussion and various rumours in Pelican Town over the last week! Oh, no no, nothing bad has been said. Elliott was just intrigued and eager to meet the new Farmer who had come from the big city to seek happiness in the Valley. He's only recently arrived too, you know. But the writer realises that moving to another place is tiring, and meeting a new community can be a bit scary. So when the Farmer is the first to give the sign, Elliott is happy to talk about his life and ask about the life of the new Farmer. Five months is enough time to build a strong friendship.

Although Leah lives alone in her cottage near the forest, the red-haired artist doesn't mind guests at all. So she is very welcoming to the new Farmer, who is trying to get over their nervousness and get to know all the residents. A big bonus if during their stay at Leah's house the Farmer decides to treat the her to some wild mushrooms or vegetables they've managed to grow on their farm. In a couple of months, the two neighbours will become real friends, constantly exchanging forest gifts and interesting stories.

If the Farmer loves animals, they already have Marnie as a friend. Always cheerful and optimistic - the new Farmer will quickly find common ground with her. Of course, she needs to get to know them better before selling her favourite animals, but she can already let the Farmer pet her favourite goats or cows if they are feeling stressed by their new acquaintances. Affectionate animals will immediately calm and cheer up the Farmer, + 10 point to building friendship with Marnie. Be an honest and decent person, don't forget to respect the animals, and then you'll become Marnie's friend in a few months.

Oh, Jodi had time to discuss with her friends all the rumours about the new Farmer who had arrived in the Valley. And the rumours were naturally different from reality, because Jodi hadn't expected them to be so shy. Oh well, everyone is different. She doesn't mind chatting to Farmer sometimes, but doesn't actively seek friendship, as she has so much to do around the house!

As for Kent... It's pretty complicated here. Tired and exhausted, he's trying to get away from all the horrors he's been through, and although he was the first to greet Farmer at the start of Year Two, he's not going to chase after Farmer and offer friendship. Kent is... trying to come round. So it may take Farmer more than a year to bond with him and let him remember that before he left Pelican Town, he had and has, in addition to a loving family, friends- old friends, and a new one too!

Oh, oh, oh! And Maru was just looking for the newly arrived Farmer to meet! New people in a small town are always interesting, so the young inventor doesn't miss the opportunity to introduce herself, not forgetting to recommend that they also introduce themselves to her parents and half-brother. Will gladly listen to the Farmer, or have no problem leaving them alone if they are still too shy and trying to get used to the local community. Three months is enough time for the two of them to hang out in the lab and discuss different topics like a nerds.

Please don't think that Linus is a rude and cold person, he is not. It's just that people's scepticism towards him and his chosen lifestyle has made Linus behave very cautiously around strangers. Though Stardew Valley villagers are more kind than in other places, caution never hurts. Farmer has to be patient to gain friendship with a wild man who happens to be very learned, kind and wise. But they will know this only when the Farmer gets to know Linus better, and that will take at least six months.

Oh, they moved in already? Sam heard that someone new is coming to the old farm. The musician doesn't mind new faces in the Valley at all, as this could be a potential friend to hang out with. Considering he's always chilling and a real soul of the company, it's easy to make a friendship with him right away. He has the personality of a golden retriever.

If Farmer isn't a spy of the Shadow People, then Dwarf doesn't mind getting to know each other at all. It's been a long time since he's talked to humans, and he has so many important questions that interest him so much (about milk, for example). Quite a bit surprised when the conversation makes the Farmer nervous and says they're shy. Well, they were the ones who broke through the rubble-filled passage to the cave with their pickaxe, so it's too late to be shy. And there's no arguing about it. As with the Clint, a mountain of amethysts is a guarantee of friendship with the Dwarf, so in four months he'll stop suspecting them of espionage. But it's not certain.

Wonderful! Robin and Lewis are pleased that, despite their shyness, the new Farmer has found common ground with some of the people of Stardew Valley already. Robin, by the way, thought she and the town mayor maybe had gone a little overboard by practically forcing their acquaintance on the poor Farmer, but she's glad it all ended well. And Lewis is just glad that their little community has been enriched with another resident.

[timdrakesbussy]

My SDV height + age hcs

(Quick note: I am a short girl, like not even 160 cm (5’3) so my perception of tall people may be different from yours. Also, I used metric system so if the feet and inches are wrong, do tell so I can correct it)

Bachelorettes

• Abigail

I actually like her to be so short that she made Sebastian look tall and Sam looked like a giant so maybe at most 160 cm (5’3) but I like her to be 155 cm (5’1). To me, she’s the youngest in the trio but not by much so maybe 21-22.

• Emily

She and Haley (and Leah) are the taller bachelorettes, definitely above 170 cm (5’7) not as tall as Haley but still pretty tall. I think she’s about 173 cm (5’8). She’s definitely one of the older bachelorettes and I like her a bit older than Leah so 31-32.

• Haley

The tallest bachelorette, she could be a model in the city due to her beauty and height. She’s at LEAST 175 cm (5’9) but she can be taller. A bit older than Abigail, so 23.

• Leah

One of the taller bachelorettes but still shorter than the sisters, 170 cm (5’7) is perfect to me. She’s a bit younger than Emily and Elliott but still one of the older marriageable character so 28-30 years old.

• Maru

Despite both Robin and Demetrius being tall, Maru is average at most. She’s not short but not as tall either, I think 165 cm (5’5) is perfect height for her. IMO she’s the youngest bachelorette and the youngest marriageable character overall, she’s a genius so I think she skipped grades and gets degree earlier. 19-20 years old.

• Penny

If Abigail is short, then Penny is tiny. Her and Pam are very short so they make many of the residents look tall, she’s no more than 152 cm (5’0). She’s slightly older than the ASS trio (+Alex and Haley) but she’s not part of the older marriageable characters so she’s about 24-25 years old.

Bachelors

• Alex

He’s a pretty tall and athletic guy, definitely above average so I think he’s about 183-185 cm (6’0-6’1). He’s the same age as Haley, Sebastian, and Sam (23 years old).

• Elliott

He’s built like those hunks in bodice ripper novel covers so he’s TALL, at the very least he’s 188 cm (6’2). He’s one of the older marriageable character and he’s definitely in his 30s, my hc is that he’s the youngest one in the trio of older bachelors so I think he’s about 32 years old.

• Harvey

He’s like a Slenderman, very tall and lanky. To me, he’s the tallest bachelor and one of the tallest characters. He’s actually 195 cm (6’4ish) but he has terrible posture so he looks 190-191 cm (6’3). He’s the oldest canon marriageable character and he has MD so he’s at least 34 years old but I think he’s 37.

• Sam

He’s above average but has long limbs that made him look taller, he’s 180-182 cm (5’11) but sometimes likes to claim he’s 6’0. Despite acting like a teenager, he’s 23.

• Sebastian

Robin might be tall but he did not get her genes on that one, the rest? Sure, especially his face but not height, sadly. I think 173 cm (5’8) is the perfect height for him, but sometimes I like to make him 170 cm (5’7) for shits and giggles. 23 years old.

• Shane

SHORT KING, shortest bachelor and at most he’s 165 cm (5’5). He’s in his 30s (34-36 to be more specific).

Others

Caroline: 47 years old, 162 cm (5’3)

Clint: 38 years old, 194 cm (6’3)

Demetrius: 48 years old, 196 cm (6’4)

Evelyn: 83 years old, 151 cm (4’11)

George: 82 years old, 175 cm (5’9)

Gil: 56 years old, 177 cm (5’10)

Gunther: 45 years old, 178 cm (5’10)

Gus: 54 years old, 179 cm (5’10)

Jas: 7 years old, 124 cm (4’0)

Jodi: 41 years old, 158 cm (5’2)

Kent: 42 years old, 190 cm (6’3)

Leo: 8 years old, 118 cm (3’10)

Lewis: 63 years old, 173 cm (5’7)

Linus: 58 years old, 176 cm (5’9)

Marlon: 53 years old, 185 cm (6’1)

Marnie: 51 years old, 160 cm (5’3)

Morris: 49 years old, 180 cm (5’11)

Mr. Qi: 36 years old, 187 cm (6’2)

Pam: 54 years old, 150 cm (4’11)

Pierre: 47 years old, 174 cm (5’8)

Prof. Snail: 67 years old, 167 cm (5’6)

Rasmodius: He either aged slowly so he’s old but looked younger or he aged normally, if the latter then he’s 50 years old. 192 cm (6’3)

Robin: 46 years old, 178 cm (5’10)

Sandy: 34 years old, 183 cm (6'0)

Vincent: 7 years old, 126 cm (4’1)

Willy: 55 years old, 183 cm (6’0)

BONUS

(Some) Expanded

Andy: 48 years old, 181 cm (5’11)

Claire: 26 years old, 166 cm (5’5)

Lance: 27 years old, 186 cm (6’1)

Martin: 16 years old, 176 cm (5’9)

Olivia: 50 years old, 163 cm (5’3)

Scarlett: 21 years old, 164 cm (5'4)

Sophia: 21 years old, 162 cm (5’3)

Susan: 42 years old, 168 cm (5’6)

Victor: 22 years old, 178 cm (5’10)